#tw infertility

[roosterforme]

Some Things Take Time | Bob Floyd x Reader

Summary: Bob is a man well known for his patience. He never rushes things in the air, and he tries to live by a similar philosophy on the ground. You and he are both on the same page about welcoming a child into your home through foster care, but it's hard for him to watch you try to bond with her unsuccessfully. He soon realizes that Avery is a lot like him, and that some things are worth the extra time.

Warnings: angst, fluff, mentions of infertility, mentions of foster care and adoption, Bob making all other men look like trash

Length: 5800 words

Pairing: Robert "Bob" Floyd x wife!reader

Happy birthday @wkndwlff! Check my masterlist for more!

You were laying on the couch with your head resting on your husband's lap, spinning his wedding band around on his finger while you tried to put your thoughts into words. You could tell he knew you were on the verge of speaking, sending you several expectant glances as you and he both pretended to watch the movie he started an hour ago. But Bob would never rush you, and you were thankful for that, because you wanted to make sure you got this right. 

"We've been trying for a long time," you whispered, and Bob's blue eyes met yours as you looked up at him. "Almost two years."

He nodded once and smiled softly. "We have," he murmured, squeezing your hand in his larger one. You pressed your lips together as tears stung your eyes. Bob never seemed upset that he was pushing forty years old and in spite of trying and trying, you'd never gotten pregnant. He never put pressure on you to keep trying or to stop. You were convinced he never would, but you wanted to know what he was really thinking.

"What if we... stopped. Stopped trying. And just went with an alternative?"

"Honey, I already told you I'm happy with things how they are. We can stop trying if you want to, or we can talk about alternatives if you want to do that. But there's nothing wrong with just you and me. In fact, I'm really quite enjoying myself."

You closed your eyes as his fingers drifted along the curves of your side. It would be delicious to get back into the habit of having sex when you wanted to instead of when your cycle demanded it. You and Bob sharing your undivided attention with each other was something you were craving, but you still wanted something else, too.

"What if I said I wanted to look into fostering and adoption again?" you asked softly as you started to sit up.

He pulled you closer so you were straddling his thigh. "Then I would say we can call our lawyer on Monday and get some answers."

You smiled as you nudged his glasses with your nose and kissed his cheek. "And what if I said I'm not fertile today, but I want you anyway?"

Bob reached for the remote and turned the movie off as a soft blush rose in his cheeks. "Then I would say it's time we got in bed, Honey."

---------------------

Bob was a man who was well known for his patience. He never rushed things in the air, and he tried to live by a similar philosophy on the ground. He knew he wanted to marry you about halfway through the first date. He also knew you would have looked at him like he was insane if he admitted that to you halfway through the first date. So instead of rushing things, he took the time to make sure you were on the same page he was and that you were comfortable. He always tried to do that.

When a baby just didn't seem to be happening, he was more than willing to keep trying, but he was also completely content with the idea of no kids at all. It wasn't worth rushing anything as long as he had you in his life. But you had recently convinced him of a third option, and his lawyer helped the two of you smooth out the details. 

And this is how Avery ended up at Bob's house on a random Monday evening. She was eight years old and in need of a foster family, and you were adamant when you answered the phone call that you and Bob were more than ready for her to be dropped off even on such short notice. 

"I'm so nervous," you whispered as you held Bob's hand and watched through the front window as a van pulled up. 

"I'm excited," he told you with a soft laugh. When he thought about having kids, he always pictured a little girl. For some reason, the idea of reading princess stories and painting a bedroom a putrid shade of purple really appealed to him. As he watched Avery being led up the walkway, he realized she didn't look one bit like you or him. He also realized that having a child who resembled him was actually never part of his dreams. 

As the doorbell rang, you bounced in place and whispered, "She's here. She's really here." 

Bob pulled you in for a kiss as his heart thudded. He realized he needed to tamp down his excitement a little bit. The two of you were merely fostering Avery. Nothing was set in stone even though you told the lawyer you wanted to eventually adopt a child. But right now your eyes were glittering with hope and anticipation, and Bob couldn't take that away from you. 

"Let's make her feel welcome," he said as you both headed for the door. 

Avery stood there with an unreadable expression on her adorable face, and Bob noticed right away how the case worker seemed to rush through everything. There were papers to sign and a schedule to keep, and even though all of it pertained to Avery, she ended up sitting quietly at the kitchen table while everyone else talked about her.

It was late by the time you and Bob were alone with her, and now her unreadable expression looked something like sadness. "Avery," Bob said softly. "Do you want to see your bedroom?"

She looked up at him and nodded without saying a word, and then you helped her down from the chair. You had taken the time to freshen up the extra bedroom and buy a pink glitter toothbrush and a pair of pajamas in her size. But Avery just sat down on the edge of the bed with her bag and asked, "Do I have to go to school tomorrow?"

"Yes," Bob replied with a smile. "I'll drop you off on my way to work, and then I'll pick you up in the afternoon."

When she didn't respond, you asked, "Is there anything you want? A bedtime snack or something to drink? I could make you some hot chocolate or get you a cookie. Bob makes the best oatmeal cookies, and there are a few left from the weekend. Maybe you can help Bob make the next batch." You were rambling now, and Bob reached out to squeeze your hand as you said, "We're just excited that you're here."

But Avery shook her head and told you, "I'll just read my book. Thanks." Then she untied her shoes and took a well worn copy of The Secret Garden from her bag, but she sat on the bed with rigid posture, not looking at either of you.

Bob wasn't quite sure what to do. You'd already shown the child where the bathroom was, and she seemed to have all of her essentials. He swallowed hard, deciding not to rush Avery even though he could feel your disappointment radiating off of you. He cleared his throat and said, "We'll leave our bedroom door open in case you need anything. And we'll get you up around seven for school. Good night, Avery."

She just nodded and squinted down at the tattered book cover like she was going to cry. Bob led you down the hallway, through your room and into the en suite bathroom where he gathered you in his arms as tears filled your eyes. "I don't think she likes us," you gasped before you buried your face against his neck.

Bob kissed the top of your head and whispered, "I just think she needs some time. Let's not rush anything." 

-------------------------

You cried yourself to sleep the first night. You knew that your response wasn't fair to Bob or Avery or even to yourself, but you'd imagined meeting a little girl who was at least a little bit more talkative if not upbeat. You had your hopes set on fostering a child who at least gave the impression that your home was better than another alternative. You'd been given a vague picture of where Avery had come from, and you wanted her to be comfortable here, but now you felt stupid for buying the glitter toothbrush and the Minnie Mouse pajamas. 

Bob's hand drew lazy circles on your back as you turned away from him and cried softly. "It's just the first night," he reminded you in that sweet, even tone that you loved so much.

"I know. I just wanted this so desperately," you admitted between shaky breaths. His hand on your body helped you eventually fall asleep, and the next morning, Bob was up before you, making breakfast. When you tapped on Avery's door which was ajar, you poked your head in to find her once again sitting on the bed reading.

"Did you sleep okay?" you asked, and she nodded in response. "That's great!" you said in a tone of forced excitement. "Do you need help getting ready for school?"

"No," she said softly, setting the book aside.

You took a deep breath and said, "Bob's making breakfast. Do you want to come downstairs and eat?"

"Yes."

That was the last word you heard her speak before Bob led her out to his car in his uniform. He smiled at you over his shoulder as he told you to have a good day working on your true crime novel, but you knew you weren't going to. You spend two hours trying to write, but you ended up with three and a half new sentences. Instead, you spent most of the day thinking you'd made a huge mistake and hating your own body. Avery would probably last two weeks tops with you and Bob before she was begging to go somewhere else. You didn't even know if you could stand to see her melancholy little expression when your husband brought her home from school today, but you didn't want to call her case worker for help yet.

In the afternoon, you bought everything you needed to make oatmeal cookies along with the rest of your usual groceries. You paused next to the checkout line where there was a display of children's books and grabbed a few of them. Avery appeared to like her book more than anything else, so maybe she would appreciate these ones, too.

But when Bob brought Avery home with him after school, she barely spoke. She didn't want to help make any cookies, and after dinner, she went back to her bedroom. Bob tried to help her with her homework, but she told him it was easy and she already finished it. When you dropped off the new books, she told you she already had a favorite. 

"Oh," you said, standing in the doorway with your hands full of the unwanted books. "That's good... that you have a favorite. I have a favorite book, too."

She looked up at you and nodded, but soon you were backing out of the room and trying to hide your tears from Bob. "It takes time," he reassured you as you balled your hands into fists and cried on him again.

You knew you needed to be as patient as he always was, but you just weren't like him. And you started talking before you could stop yourself. "If we could have gotten pregnant, we'd have our own child," you sobbed. "One that we raised from day one who would love us and bake cookies and read new books."

Bob kissed your ear and whispered, "Nothing is easy, Honey. But sometimes the harder something is at first, the more rewarding it is later on."

You cried yourself to sleep again.

------------------------

Bob tried his best for that first week. He watched you start to pull away and retreat into yourself the more Avery kept to her bedroom. Every day when he dropped her off and picked her up, she thanked him for the ride. When he asked if she would rather start taking the bus, she told him it didn't matter. When he asked if there was something special she wanted to eat for dinner, she said she wasn't picky. 

And all the while she just squinted down at her book. Just The Secret Garden even though you brought home some others. When he pulled up to the curb in front of her school one morning, he said, "Avery, would you like me to take you to the library one day? Or maybe a bookstore where you can pick out what you want?"

She looked at him as she grabbed her backpack in one hand and her book in the other. "Maybe." Then she climbed out of the car, and he waited to pull away until she was inside the school building. That was the most promising answer he'd received yet. He drove to work thinking about signing her up for a library card, and when he got there, he was in a much better mood.

Natasha was the only one who knew that Avery was under his care. He didn't want to give anyone too many details, but she sweetly asked him the same question every morning after they got to work. "How are you and the Mrs. making out with your houseguest?"

And this morning, he said, "Maybe a little better today, Nat. I'm just trying not to rush it."

She patted him on the chest and smiled. "You never do, Bob. You're a man of details."

She was right. He spent the day thinking about all of the details that he knew about Avery. She was eight years old and very quiet. She only wanted to read one book even though you offered her more. She seemed to find the most comfort when she was alone. She was honestly a lot like Bob.

When he picked Avery up from school, he watched as one of the teachers patted the top of her backpack and sent her on her way. She squinted toward his car before trudging over in his direction with a frown on her face. Bob sighed as she climbed into the backseat and buckled herself in. "How was your day, Avery?" he asked as he shifted into drive. But today he got no verbal response at all. Instead he heard her crying.

Without another word, Bob pulled his car around and into an empty parking spot before killing the engine. He opened his door and closed it before taking a few deep breaths, and then he climbed in the back door and settled in next to the crying child. He let one hand gently rest on her shoulder, giving her a small squeeze before asking, "Do you want to talk about what's bothering you?"

She just shook her head as tears flowed down her cheeks, and she stared at her feet. "It's stupid."

Bob smiled slightly. "You might think so, but I'd probably find what you have to say fascinating."

She turned her head to look at him, examining his face to see if he was being honest. But of course he was. He just wanted her to tell him what was on her mind. It took a few minutes before she started to settle down, but eventually she said, "I failed my eye exam with the nurse today." She unzipped her bag and pulled out a yellow sheet of paper and handed it to him. "She told me my eyesight is terrible and that I need to get glasses."

Bob looked at the page and had to hide his alarm from her. Avery failed her eye exam spectacularly. It was a wonder to Bob that she was even able to see in her classroom. But now her squinting and her preference for one, well worn book were starting to make sense. As he filled in the blanks in his mind, he said, "Glasses aren't so bad," while he tapped his own silver frames. "They certainly make my day a lot easier."

She kind of rolled her eyes and said, "But you're an adult. People aren't going to make fun of you for wearing glasses."

"You think you'll get made fun of?" Bob asked softly, folding the yellow paper in half.

"Yes," she replied immediately as she wiped at her tears. "I already do. Glasses will make it so much worse."

Bob wanted to press her for more details, but he didn't think this was the right moment. Instead he asked, "Is that why you only like to read The Secret Garden? Because you already know most of the words by heart?"

Avery looked at him like she couldn't believe he solved a very complex riddle. "Yes."

He nodded and asked, "Would you like to be able to read other books, too? Because glasses would definitely help with that."

She shrugged and sniffed as she said, "I like books about gardens and flowers and fairies. I don't know of any other ones I would like anyway."

Bob patted her on the shoulder one more time and said, "I like those kinds of books, too. And I think I can help you get glasses that look cool and help you pick out more books. If you'll let me."

Another partial shrug was his only answer, but at least she wasn't telling him no. As he climbed back into the driver's seat, he sent you a quick text telling you that he and Avery were fine and to go ahead and have dinner on your own. Then he drove along to his optometrist's office, hoping they would squeeze an extra appointment into their schedule.

"You're in luck," the receptionist told him when they arrived. "There was a last minute cancellation. Have a seat, and we can take you back shortly."

The rack hanging on the wall was filled with books and magazines for people of all ages, but Bob watched Avery squint as she took a seat empty handed. He skimmed a magazine and offered to read an article to her, but she said no. When ten minutes had passed, Bob asked her, "Are the kids at school mean to you?" 

He was already considering other options that might make her feel more comfortable when she said, "I just don't fit in. Everyone else has parents or grandparents. Everyone else is loud, and I like it better when it's quiet. Everyone else already made friends."

Bob nodded his head. It was like she was living his own childhood in many ways. "I like it better when it's quiet, too. So does my wife. And making friends can be hard at any age. I still struggle with it."

"You do?" she asked him, eyes wide and interested.

"Absolutely. Sometimes I still get nervous and stumble over what I want to say, and I'm thirty-nine. And you know what?"

"What?"

"There's nothing wrong with that."

He watched Avery take a deep breath and look down at her hands before both of their names were called. Once they were in the exam room, Bob got to witness her fail the test for the second time in one day, and then her tears started up again. The crying was only made worse when the receptionist popped in and tried to quietly tell Bob that Avery wasn't approved for any vision insurance. 

The child was clearly smart as a whip, and if she was having a hard time fitting in at school, he didn't want to make it worse by making her feel like she didn't fit in with you and him either. "I was planning on paying out of pocket today," he told the receptionist who just nodded in response. Then he turned to Avery and said, "Looks like the nurse was right. How about we pick out some glasses?"

She looked at the displays while she wiped at her eyes with a tissue, but she wouldn't tell Bob which ones she wanted to try on. "Which ones are the cheapest?" she asked softly.

"I have no idea," Bob replied easily. "What's your favorite color?"

"Purple," she whispered, and Bob followed her squinting gaze to a purple frame sitting on a shelf above her head. 

"I like purple, too," he said as he reached them down and handed them to her. She held them for a couple minutes, and Bob decided not to rush her. She finally slipped them on and looked in the mirror, and he told her, "I think they look cool."

She nodded a little bit. "They're pretty good. But nobody else at school has purple glasses." 

As she removed them and tried to hand them back to him, Bob quickly looked at the adult sized frames. There was one pair that came in a deep purple, and he kind of liked them. "Just hang onto those for a minute. I need help picking out new glasses for myself, okay? What do you think about these?" 

When he removed his wire frames and replaced them with the purple plastic, it seemed like Avery couldn't help but smile. "I like them."

He nodded once. "Then I'll get them. That way we can match since we both like purple. Thanks for your help."

"You're welcome," she replied quietly, looking at the glasses she was still holding before handing them to Bob.

He took both pairs in his hand before nodding toward the door. "I'm feeling like it's a good day to get ice cream for dinner and look around the bookstore. I can think of at least two more books that you might like to read once your glasses are ready for you to wear. Sound good?"

"Yes."

--------------------------

You didn't know what to expect when Bob brought Avery home after seven o'clock on a school night, but you definitely weren't prepared to hear her laughter for the first time. You'd barely made any progress on your novel since Avery arrived a few weeks ago, merely existing in your own funk all day long. But the sound of Bob's voice followed by her light giggle as they walked inside left you feeling better than you had in ages.

"Hi," you said, your voice dripping with optimism as Bob headed your way with a shopping bag in his hand. 

"Hi, Honey," he replied, kissing your cheek while Avery took her shoes off.

"How was school?" you asked her. 

"Terrible," she told you with a smile aimed up at Bob. "I failed my eye exam."

"Oh," you gasped, already making a mental note to call the eye doctor first thing in the morning so she could get some glasses. "We can take care of it for you."

"Already did," Bob said as he squeezed your hand. "Stopped on the way home and picked them out. Should be ready next week."

"Really?" you asked in surprise as he pulled two books out of the bag. Both were covered in vines and flowers, but one was clearly a novel for an adult while the other was much slimmer and looked like it was for Avery's reading level.

"Yes," he replied softly. "Now, on the drive home, I told Avery that you're a writer, but that you're also really good at reading books out loud." When you nodded and looked at her, she was squinting up at you. Bob handed you the smaller book and said, "I didn't get to take a shower before I left work, so I need to go do that now. But I promised Avery that you'd read a chapter to her after she gets ready for bed." He patted her on the shoulder and then made his way upstairs.

Your head was swimming with information. New glasses and new books and a child who was looking up at you with hope in her eyes. A husband who set up some time for you to spend alone with her. Tears stung your eyes as you said, "I love reading books out loud. Do you want to change for bed and brush your teeth now?"

Ten minutes later, you were sitting next to Avery on the spare bed, reading to her about a magical garden filled with flowers that turned the characters into superheroes. You read all sixteen pages of the first chapter, and then she asked you to read more. 

It was a little bit past bedtime when you finished the third chapter, and she was yawning. "How about I go get you one of my bookmarks from my office? And we can read more tomorrow night?"

"Okay," she replied easily, and when you returned a minute later with a bookmark that had a purple tassel, she smiled. "I like this book so far, but I think I'd like it a lot better if there were fairies, too. Thank you for reading to me."

"You're very welcome," you told her, barely shutting off the light in time for a tear to slide down your cheek. "Goodnight, Avery."

When you rushed into your own bedroom, Bob was in bed reading the other new book. "How did you do it?" you asked him, quickly climbing under the covers with him. "How did you get her to open up a little bit?"

He set the book down with a soft smile. "She just needed some time, Honey. She's a lot like me. She can't be rushed."

"No," you said, pushing your fingers through his hair as you cried a little bit. "That's not it. I think you're actually magical."

"Maybe," he agreed. "But her vision is so bad. That's why I think she kept reading The Secret Garden. She probably has it memorized and didn't want to tell anyone she couldn't see."

"Poor thing," you whispered, realizing that most of Bob's magic came from his patience as you fell asleep in his arms.

-------------------------

A week later, Bob noticed you were exhausted, but you seemed a lot happier, because Avery seemed a lot happier. You had successfully read two books to her, and she was starting to become more vocal around the house. He was hoping she was having an easier time making friends at school now, too. But he was a little bit concerned with how late into the night you'd been working.

When he got a message around lunchtime letting him know both pairs of glasses were ready, he smiled. Pretty soon Avery would be able to attempt reading a new book on her own. He sent you a text letting you know that he'd be home with Avery after a quick stop back at the optometrist's office. And when he picked her up from school, she squinted at his car before climbing in the backseat. 

"Ready to go get our new glasses?" he asked before pulling out onto the road.

"Yes," she replied softly. "I've decided that wearing glasses is a better alternative than not being able to read new books. At least until I can get contacts."

Bob chuckled. "A wise choice."

A few seconds later, she asked, "Will you take me to the library this weekend? There have to be more books there that I'd like."

"Of course I'll take you to the library. We can ask the librarian to help you find you as many books as you want to read."

He hoped that would make the new glasses an even easier decision for her. He parked and led her inside where the eye doctor got them both fitted correctly before handing them a mirror. "What do you think?" Bob asked as he smiled at Avery. "I think they look cool on you."

She shrugged. "They're okay."

"Can you see better?"

"Yes," she whispered. On the way outside, she said, "Thanks for getting new glasses with me. I like yours, too."

Bob checked himself in the mirror before he backed out of the parking spot. "I think it's kind of my color."

You were waiting in the living room for them when Bob opened the front door. The house smelled like dinner cooking, and you had a stack of bound pages on the couch next to you. When you jumped to your feet, you said, "You both look great!" as you bounced in place a little bit.

"Purple is kind of our color," Avery said, making Bob laugh as you covered your massive smile with your fingertips. 

"It really is," you replied, wrapping Bob in a quick hug before cautiously placing your hand on Avery's shoulder for a beat. "I have something I wanted to show you. I was hoping to get your opinion."

"Me?" she asked, looking up at you, eyes wide behind her purple frames.

"Yes," you told her softly. "I've been working on a new story for the past week, and I really think you'll be able to help me with the ending."

"What kind of story?" she asked you, and Bob slowly made his way into the kitchen where he could still hear the two of you talking. 

"Well," you told her as she joined you on the couch, "it's about a fairy who gets invited to live in a magic garden. And she starts to learn how to use magic herself while a friendly witch and a kind wizard supervise her. And the garden is really pretty, and she loves it there and starts to make friends with the other creatures. Do you want to take a look at it?"

"Okay."

Bob hovered in the doorway and watched you hand the bound manuscript to the little girl next to you while you chewed nervously on your lip. He knew you wanted this to work out; he did too. He was also very surprised that you'd been working on this for the past week without sharing your secret even with him. But it truthfully wasn't really for him. It was for her. And you.

The child looked up at you and whispered, "You named the fairy Avery."

You just nodded and smiled. "Your name is so pretty, and you remind me of the kind of little girl who would have magic inside her."

Avery turned back to the page in front of her and snuggled in a little bit closer to you. She started reading out loud, and after a few pages, handed it over to you for a little bit. The two of you went back and forth like this for an hour before Bob carried in two plates of dinner and set them on the coffee table. 

"Even magic fairies get hungry," he said softly before leaving both of you to the story.

---------------------------

When you woke up a few weeks later on Avery's ninth birthday, you were beyond exhausted. The past few nights had been late ones for you as you tried to finish up and edit the story you'd been working on. The title that the two of you came up with was The Littlest Fairy in the Garden, and you were just as proud of this as your true crime releases. 

Then you realized that there was actually a reason why you woke up. You could hear Bob talking. It sounded like he was on the phone even though it was barely eight o'clock. You climbed out of bed and stretched before finding him sitting on the floor in the walk-in closet talking softly on the phone in his pajama pants, undershirt and purple glasses.

"I'm sure she's going to agree with me. We want to move forward if that's what Avery wants, but I'll call you back in an hour or two. Thank you so much."

He ended the call right when you asked, "Who was that?"

Bob jumped a bit as he looked up at you with a tentative smile. "Our lawyer," he whispered. 

"What did they say?" you whispered back as he got to his feet and wrapped his arms around you. 

When Bob's lips found your ear, you shivered at his words. "It was just a preliminary conversation, but they asked if we would be interested in pursuing adoption."

"With Avery?" you gasped, and he nodded against you. 

"Yes. With Avery."

Tears filled your eyes as you clung to him. You thought about all the books she'd been reading with you and the birthday cake waiting in the kitchen. You could practically still smell the oatmeal cookies she and Bob made a few days ago. You could picture her smile and imagine her laughter, both of which were coming more easily with each passing day. "I want to adopt her. She belongs here. With us."

"I think so, too," he replied immediately, and you could hear the unshed tears in her voice. "I think we should have a conversation with her about it today. The process could take a little time, but I want to be sure it's what she wants as well."

You nodded, a jerky motion against him as your heart pounded faster and faster. "Let's talk about it when she wakes up."

Bob led you downstairs to the kitchen, his fingers laced with yours, and he started to crack some eggs while you made coffee and fresh orange juice. Avery had picked the menu for each meal today for her birthday, and the plan was to take her to the zoo after lunch. There was currently a purple banner with flowers and fairies on it stretched across the kitchen along with a large assortment of balloons. You couldn't remember being this excited about something in such a long time.

"Good morning," came a soft voice from the bottom of the stairs, and you nearly dropped a mug on the floor as you turned to look at her.

"Happy birthday!" you and Bob replied in unison, and then all three of you started laughing. 

Without another word, Avery made her way into the kitchen in her Minnie Mouse pajamas and gave you a hug around the waist. You gasped softly as you hugged her back, her purple glasses pressing against you. Then she tucked herself against Bob's side and hugged him right after that. "Thanks for all the birthday stuff. And thanks for being so nice to me and getting me glasses and everything."

You and Bob shared a look over her head as he rubbed his hand along her shoulder. "It makes us happy that you're here, Avery," he said softly, and you had to swipe at your tears. "Let's have your breakfast, and maybe we can talk about making this permanent."

"Permanent? Like me staying here for a while?" she asked softly as she looked up at him.

"Like you staying here forever."

--------------------------

This is a little birthday treat for @wkndwlff! I hope you have a great day, Taylor! I set out to write a nice little story based on this mood board, but somehow it turned into this angsty thing instead. Thanks to @sylviebell @mak-32 and @beyondthesefourwalls

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[tightjeansjavi]

My Dearest,

A/N: so, while I was in Galena for my girls trip this weekend…my friend and I went into a bookstore and that’s where the inspiration struck! Ulysses Grant wrote letters to his wife (My Dearest Julia) from June 4th, 1844 to February 2, 1854. Of course I immediately had to throw Joel into the narrative, with a twist ;) please have your tissue boxes at the ready for this one and remember, fiction can’t hurt you! Also, big thank you and kisses to @beardedjoel for sobbing along with me while I wrote these series of letters 💘 P.S I know California wasn’t founded as a state until 1850…but let’s just pretend!

~word count: 1.9k~

Summary: a series of letters written by Joel Miller, a hopeless romantic yearning for your embrace once more.

Pairing | forbidden love!joel miller x f!reader

Warnings: angst, allusion to smut, infertility, pining, hopeless romantic, unrequited love, forbidden love, major character death, alcoholism, death by alcohol poisoning, yearning, no age gap, mentions of social status, somewhat historically accurate language, no happy ending, reader has no physical descriptions, readers nickname is my dearest, +18 minors dni! (If I missed anything, please let me know!)

June 4th, 1844

My Dearest,

I am deeply remorseful for the events that transcribed three days ago. I know I have put you in an undesirable situation now with your father’s wishes for your arranged marriage to the rich banker's son. Forgive me, for I don’t care to remember his name. My dearest, do not put the blame upon yourself. If we had known that there were prying, hateful eyes watching us, I would have waited for you in the stables and not inside your chambers. Jealously drives even the sanest of people to do the unforgivable. The deep wounds your father has inflicted upon me will heal, but my heart? Oh, how it aches for you, my dearest. If I were not a coward, I would turn back and face the gallows just to see your face one last time, for what else is a man to do when he is in love? I’m heading west, like we planned in the gardens, in hopes that you will follow me and go against your father’s wishes. Please write to me soon, tell me that you are safe, and grace me with your sweet words.

Your devoted Joel.

-

July 13, 1844

My Dearest,

California is beautiful and my eyes are seeing the ocean for the very first time. I wonder what your view is? Last I heard you were moving to New York. Is it true? Please tell me it’s a lie. I would be naive to think that what is written in the papers to be false, but my heart is still holding on. Are you moving to New York because of me? I’m so sorry, my dearest. We should have been more careful. I can still smell your perfume, and feel the ghost of your lips on my skin. I am no poet, but if I was, perhaps your father would think highly of me.

I dream of you even in the daytime.

Please write to me, dearest.

J.M

-

September, 7th 1844

My Dearest,

There is a sweetness on my tongue that I have not felt the indulgence of for many moons and suns. I worried that I would never hear from you again, that I would become another distant memory fading into ash. I forbade this from happening, dearest. We are thousands of miles apart, and all I wish for is to see your face once more. Do you wish for the same, dearest? To see your Joel, to feel his warm embrace? Please don’t forget me, please. I know in your heart that you still feel for me. California calls your name as it did mine. Come back to me, dearest.

Yours most affectionately,

Joel

-

January 12th, 1845

My Dearest,

I have not heard from you in months and my heart cannot bare it any longer. Why do you not write to me, dearest? I’ve enrolled in classes, maybe I’ll even become the next great American author! Would your father accept me then, if I was no longer a penniless man? I think he would. Your father is a very simple man in those regards. If only my status in society didn’t matter. Do you lie awake in bed and think of me, dearest? Does your dream state float off to the thoughts of your Joel? My dearest, my love for you has not changed, only grown stronger. Has yours for me felt all the same?

Joel

-

July 11th, 1845

My Dearest,

I write to you with a heavy heart and an anger that has never once possessed me. Please tell me it isn’t true. That you have fallen for another, the rich banker's son? It cannot be true. The papers lie, dearest. Your heart belongs to me, does it not? It must. You promised! You said that no matter what happened, no matter the consequences, we would end up together. You spoke those words so sweetly upon my ear when I laid beneath your sheets, dearest. Back in Texas, in your abandoned home, the stench of me still lingers. When you receive this letter, close your eyes and imagine me there with you, wherever that may be. I’ll come to New York, I swear it. I’ll come find you!

Please, write to me soon, dearest. Do not allow this to be the end of our story, I beg of you.

Yours always,

Joel Miller

-

October, 1845

My Dearest,

This morning I write to you about the thoughts of reminiscing on our love. Something so sweet, fresh, ripened, but not yet spoiled. Do you remember the night we first met? We were just children then. All bright eyed and filled with curiosity. I remember the bows in your braided hair, your mother scolding you for them, slapping your cheek and yanking them from your braids. You wept with your face buried in your hands, and I comforted you. Your mother taught you how to curtsey, how to engage in small talk and forced you to wear those unbreathable garments that you hated so. I showed you how to run, to make mud pies and swim in the river. Do you remember the night of our first kiss? The first time our lips touched and my life held a meaning again? The foul mouthed, stable hand boy winning the affections of a girl such as you. If I bring my fingers to my lips now, I can feel your kiss there, too. I moved back to Texas, dearest. I wanted to feel closer to you. Write to me soon, and in your letter tell me that you wish for me to come to New York to be with you.

I am inconsolable without your presence at my side.

Yours devotedly,

Joel Miller

P.S. Every night I pray to the moon and stars that we will be in one another’s embrace very soon. I have never been a religious man by any means, but I find myself praying for you, my dearest.

-

March 29th, 1846

My Dearest,

It is spring once again, and everything is in bloom! A new family has moved into your abandoned home, and I am back to my roots. I have given up my dreams to be an author, but I write to you, still. I missed being around the horses more than you could possibly imagine. There’s a piece missing here, and that piece is you. The new family I work for has a daughter around your age. She’s pretty, beautiful even, but she’s not you, my dearest. She’ll never be you. Her hair isn’t the right length, her eyes the wrong shade, her laugh isn’t yours, her mannerisms are all wrong. She yearns for my affections, but my heart belongs to another. I will not commit adultery against you, my sweet. Even in my loneliest hours, I will not give into my sins against you. She would make a fine wife, and her parents are unlike your own, but she will never be you, and she will never possess my heart.

I yearn for you.

Your Joel

-

July 2nd, 1846

My Dearest,

I write to you with sweat dripping down my brow. I cannot sleep, the Texas heat has played a cruel trick upon my mind. I awoke to your voice, whispering my name through the billowing curtains. I taste your sweet kiss and the oncoming summer storm, but you are not here. Am I going insane? I fear that I am. What is the weather like in New York? Write to me soon, I beg of you.

Joel Miller

-

September 23rd, 1847

My Dearest,

I am facing my loneliest night yet, and I picture you laying beside me beneath my sheets. I have scrapped up enough money to finally buy you a ring! Isn’t that the most wonderful news? Tomorrow evening, after supper, I will head into town to the jewelers and buy you a ring that shines more brilliantly than the heavens above. You’ll wait for me, won’t you? Promise me that you will.

With love,

Your Joel

-

January, 1848

My Dearest,

Today is the day where I wish I never awoke. I wish to stay in a sweet slumber where my dreams are filled with you. You cannot marry him, please. Tell your father that you don’t accept the banker's son’s hand in marriage! He will never know you as I do, my dearest. He will never satisfy you the way that I can. He will turn his nose up at your politics, your drinking habits, your antics and wildness. But I love you as so. Come back to me, runaway with me. I can give you so much happiness if you only let me. How will your husband to-be react when he finds that you cannot bear him children? When the marriage is to be consummated, and he strips you of your skirts and touches you where only I have been, how will he feel? I worry for you, my dearest. I remember the night that we first became one. Do you still think of the way I moved in you? I still feel the phantom crescents of your nails in my back. I wish the marks left there were permanent, so I would always have a piece of you with me. Tell me that you remember the way that my kisses feel, my taste on your tongue, my voice, my body moving with yours. There was a time when you wanted to bear my children, and begged me to fill your womb with my seed. We waited and waited, but your womb never swelled with life no matter how many times we tried. You assumed my feelings for you would sour, but they only grew.

If you accept the banker's son's hand in marriage, I wish to never see the sunrise again.

Joel Miller

-

May 7th, 1848

My Dearest,

I have never wept more than I have this morn. I shredded the papers, I pounded my fists into the earth and spooked every horse in the stable. Even the heavens weep with me, my dearest. Can I even call you that any longer? You wear his ring upon your finger, awake beneath his sheets, smelling of him. I’m sorry, my dearest. I’m sorry I could never be enough for you. I have tried so hard, and have continued to fail. My heart aches, and I wish I could rip it from my chest and stab it till all movement ceases. I wish to not feel any longer. I have lost all hope, and I fear that my attempts to hear from you have been fruitless. My devoted letters are out there, somewhere. Or perhaps you have collected them. Perhaps you did not awaken in his sheets. Perhaps you are on your way back to me. I’ll wait for you, my dearest.

Undoubtedly yours,

Joel Miller

-

June 4th, 1848

My Dearest,

In my loneliest hour, I write to you. If you ever receive this letter, do not weep for me. You and I were cut from a separate cloth since birth. I was not born into wealth. I was not fed from silver spoons. My clothes are tattered, the soles of my boots are worn down. All I have to my name is my penmanship and my memories of you. Think of me sweetly, will you? I wish you only happiness and love. I have turned into a drunk, my dearest. Alcohol soothes my mind, woes, and ailments. I hear your voice so vividly when I am in this state. You’re here beside me now, watching as I write my final letter. I can reach out and touch your cheek, soft, supple. You smell of saccharine honey and lavender fields. Your laugh is my favorite tune, and I can hear it now. Sing me a lullaby, my darling as I close my eyes and dream of you for a final time. If another universe exists, I hope I am rich. I hope I am the wealthiest man who is adored by your mother and father. I hope that on the night we meet again, I present you with a ring forged from my heart, a piece of me that has forever belonged to you. I hope I am fed from a silver spoon, dressed in the finest garments, attend every gala with you on my arm as my lady, my wife, my reason to live. I hope to bless you with as many children as you so desire. I have always loved you, my dearest, from the moment we met, I have been yours.

Farewell,

Your Joel.

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[neocentral]

your ex, mark, is the fertility doctor you're counselling to. when he knows your husband can't be a dad, he takes this matter into his own hands and replaces his duty to get you swollen and nice

rating: 18+. mdni.

content: infertility, noncon, doctor!mark x reader

masterlist

mark told you about an upcoming fertility surgery years ago, providing updates as it progressed. you didn't seem nearly as excited as he was, only entertaining him to keep the smile on his face. but apparently, you had been paying more attention than he thought. you were eager for an appointment, voice leaking with desperation as you spoke to him. mark sighed, agreeing to meet you after hours.

after years of being in a relationship with you, knows how desperately you wish to carry a child. talk of it picking up as you relationship came to an end. your breakup wasn't messy, but it was not a mutual decision. you had lost feelings for mark, feeling a stronger romantic connection for someone else. and it turns out it was him you dreamed of having a child with.

you greeted mark politely, giving him a fleeting hug as you took a seat. you dodged his small talk, reverting the topic to your issues with fertility.

it wasn't you, you were as fertile as they come, and mark came to that conclusion very quickly. he eyed your figure. you looked as good as you did then, curves soft and enticing. you fiddled with your fingers as you shared details of your sex life. shyly answering his questions as he asked for specifics. the pangs in his chest faded quickly as he recalled his own experiences with you, inserting himself in the place of your husband as you recounted information. he pictured himself mounting you, cumming as deeply inside you as he could, elevating your hips as you tried to make his seed stick.

so, mark told you there was a different surgery. it's really effective, he'd said, less invasive. spewing bullshit statistics at you as you nodded eagerly. "though, sometimes it can take several tries," he trailed his eyes down the sides of your neck.

"is it expensive?" you asked, playing with your fingers, "we're a little short on money."

mark paused for a second, imagining you sat at a dining table, open notebook before you as you worked to manage finances. you never had to do such a thing when you were with him. "no, no. not at all."

you smiled widely, "really? how soon can we start?"

mark booked you an appointment you in as soon as he could, adjusting his own schedule to accommodate yours.

mark dismissed his assistant early that night, telling her to take the night off, minutes before you were due to arrive. he prepared sufficient medication to you pliable. you asked no questions, like you didn't even notice the empty office as you followed him inside and down the long hallway to the room he had spent so long preparing.

he turned his back to you as you began to awkwardly undress. he could see your hesitance reflected on the computer screen facing the bed. he pretended to look over the papers he had pulled together, lazily detailing the bullshit procedure. you weakly called his name as soon as the thin hospital gown draped over your body.

mark swallowed as his eyes landed on the peaks your nipples, collarbones poking above the crooked collar of the gown. mark distracted himself by searching for a vein in your arm, guiding you until your back was flat on the uncomfortable mattress. "gonna need you to spread your legs for me," he whispered as your eyes began to fall. you oblige, exposing your heat to him before the medication set in properly.

mark all but rips his pants off as he spots the wetness within your folds. your natural scent hits his nose and your warmth meets his hips as he forces his thick cock into your pussy, rolling his hips in ways that would have your eyes rolling and your beautiful whimpers echoing through the hospital, but more importantly, his techniques would increase the chances of your falling pregnant. he pushes his cum deep inside you, making sure not a single drop is wasted.

he suggests that you come see him again, claiming a higher success rate. you agree, drowsy and sore, unaware of what truly happened.

[winterprince601]

symbolically, dany (probably) not being able to have kids is very powerful. throughout the first book, her worth as a queen, threat as a conqueror and value as a body is determined by her ability to breed: the prospect of a son overshadows all her achievements and her body is used and abused as the vehicle of her brother's, her husband's and various other men's conquests. that is why it is so radical when instead of her barrenness being depicted as defective, she births the dragons all by herself, all of herself, without any real male intervention. SHE is the true dragon, it's in HER blood, HER power and she flips the terms of reproduction so that she is the one inscribing meaning into lifeless matter, animating clay. any marriage she now enters will be far more on her bodily terms. in fact, there doesn't have to be a husband or a son or even a legacy - she defines daenerys and she defines targaryen.

of course, personally this is still heartbreakingly sad for someone like dany who desperately wants a home and family. even as it potentially grants her more autonomy and forges a very important maternal bond with her dragons, daenerys is still left feeling isolated from and through her body.

[itsmariejanel]

74. overthinking

love is a drug but it never comes with a warning and if you cut me out, you'll never hear my side of the story

previous [.beginning.] next > transcript under the cut

Kiara - Okay it’s getting a bit chilly, sooo enough running for today-

Hm… No one’s home yet... But this is actually quite nice… I don’t remember the last time i was fully by myself-

[ scoffs ] What a smart move, going for a run and smoking a cigarette right after- [ sighs ]

I wonder if dad has some bath bombs somewhere? I could definitely go for a bath right now-

In a couple of days I’ll be in Glimmerbrook… Jace sent me some pictures and it looked so dreamy, I’m excited to visit. And excited to see Jace again, finally… [ sigh ] but also… I’m so overwhelmed though... I feel like my mind is going around and just going fast and I can’t concentrate- 

Alcohol and music will solve it babe, it will. At least for tonight, it will! 

I miss him… so so much. I’m afraid… [ sighs ] I’ll have to tell him, right? Yeah… YEAH. I’m infertile. It’s fine. I can’t give him a family, if he wants one…big deal!! Ugh… would he still want me? Fuuuuuuuckkkkkkkkkkk… How do I even start this conversation? 

[ chuckles ] Alcohol was a baaaaddd idea, really really bad. Oh man… I completely forgot about going shopping tomorrow… the hangover is gonna be nice, GREAT-

[zoeykallus]

Hi! I read your Bad Batch baby HC and really enjoyed them! How would the guys react to a parter telling them that they’re infertile? I hope you’re having a good day/night!

Aloha!

Now, that's a heavy hitter and an interesting one indeed.

The Bad Batch x Afab!Reader HCs - True Affection

Hurt/Comfort/Infertility/Fluff

_____________________

Hunter

By now it is absolutely clear, your relationship is something serious, you have reached the next level. You get nervous, because now, at the latest, you should tell him the truth. When you take him aside and cautiously address him about it, he looks at you confused at first. Hunter can't immediately process what you're saying.

You watch him quietly think for a moment, just a moment ago he was all jovial, now he suddenly seems so serious, it makes you nervous.

"I'm sorry about that" he finally says quietly, "How are you coping?"

You sigh and say, "I've more or less made my peace with it by now. I've known for a while now. It was hard at first, but now I realize that fretting over things you can't change is wasted energy. So I've accepted it and decided to make the best of it, to just enjoy my life."

Hunter nods slowly, then smiles tenderly.

"I'm glad you have this confidence in me to tell me".

He takes your hands in his and kisses your forehead.

You say softly, "Well, our relationship has been going on for a while and I thought it would only be fair to tell you about it before you start to…. plan a family."

Hunter laughs softly and says, "Sweetie, we have enough work keeping my brothers and Omega in check. Besides, should we really feel the urge to raise kids someday, there are more than enough out there who need a home"

You take a deep breath, leaning against him in relief. This is a conversation you imagined would be harder. Hunter holds you gently and strokes your back soothingly, sensing the restlessness in you that is just very slowly subsiding.

He says softly, "My love for you remains unchanged."

Tech

"Tech, can we talk for a moment?"

Normally he would have nodded, continuing to work, looking at you briefly and saying, "Sure," but he hears something in your tone that makes him look up. Tech slowly puts the holopad aside and looks at you very intently. Somehow, this undivided attention on his part makes you even more nervous than you already are.

You turn around, close the cockpit door behind you, and sit down with him.

"You look heavy-hearted. Did something happen?" he asks quietly.

You don't know how to begin, so you just blurt it out.

"I can't give you children, I'm infertile".

Tech raises his eyebrows in surprise, he certainly wasn't expecting this topic. At first moment, he doesn't even know what to say. A thousand possible answers run through his head, but in the end only a rather simple, "I see" comes out of his mouth.

It's so hard for you to pull yourself together, your voice trembles slightly as you say, "I thought you should know, to be fair. Before things get to the next level between us… you know, couples usually start planning families and stuff at some point."

Tech blinks, pushes his goggles up the bridge of his nose with his index finger, then turns all the way around in his chair to face you. Now you're even more nervous, usually in conversations (no matter with whom) Tech is usually busy with up to three other things, but here and now he's fully focused on you. There is a certain excitement, you feel flattered, there is a tingling under your skin, usually only in intimate hours he is really fully attentive. But in this context, your heart beats up to your neck with fear.

"You're scared," he states.

"Is it that obvious?"

Tech nods.

"I know you well enough to see it. It's pretty obvious. But from my point of view, true affection, true love, is not tied to the possibility of procreation. However, I understand that it is quite natural to feel this desire, it is in the nature of almost all living things to reproduce."

You nod slowly, not quite knowing whether to be relieved or still nervous.

"My affection for you, is not tied to the possibility of starting a family," he finally says matter-of-factly, "I hope this helps you overcome your fears regarding our relationship. I'm not going to turn my back on you over this."

You take a deep breath, the tension falling from you, a single tear rolling down your cheek, which he gently brushes away with one of his long fingers.

"Are you sure about that?" you inquire softly.

"Of course I am, I don't say things like that lightly. You have my deep, unconditional affection."

Echo

When you bring up the subject of children, he looks at you in surprise. He didn't really expect that, up to now his life hadn't necessarily followed a normal course, he hadn't thought about family planning yet, even though you've been together for a while. Echo is very happy and content with what you have as a couple. The trust, the affection, the intimacies, the quiet hours and the loving little silliness. It's already more than he would have ever dared to hope for before.

Echo says thoughtfully, "Honestly, I didn't think about it until now. It was never really a part of my future plans so far," he says thoughtfully.

With a heavy heart, you tell him, "As long as you're with me, I'm afraid that won't change. I am infertile."

Echo raises his brows in surprise, his expression softening. He knows you well enough to see how hard it is for you to broach the subject.

"It weighs heavily on your heart, doesn't it?"

You nod with a sigh.

Echo takes you in his arms, squeezes you gently, and asks, "How long have you been struggling with this thought?"

"Quite a while," you admit quietly.

"Oh darling," he says softly, "There's no need for that. You're my better half, I'm incomplete without you, nothing will change that. I'm so sorry that this has burdened you."

You take a deep breath, wrap your arms around him and feel deep gratitude for his understanding, his affection.

Echo says tenderly, "If you ever really want to be a mother, we can always think about adoption, there are enough children who need a home. All that matters to me is knowing you are by my side."

"Are you sure that won't change?" you ask softly.

Echo kisses your forehead and brushes a stray tear from your cheek.

"Absolutely sure! Honey, you're all I really need. Don't worry, you can be sure of my love."

Wrecker

He is so good with children, the children love him no matter where he goes. It's a beautiful image, but also one that triggers deep pain in you, fear. In a village you saved from some pirates, at the little party they hold to honor the batch, practically all the kids are attached to him, they all want to play with him and show him things.

You watch this for quite a while, but your thoughts turn somber and a lump forms in your throat. You'll never have kids of your own, and you don't know how to tell Wrecker. Hunter looks at you, sensing something is wrong. As your eyes meet, he asks gently, "Are you okay?"

You force yourself to smile, take a deep breath, and lie, "I'm just tired, maybe I should go to sleep."

You get up from the table, and retreat into the Marauder. A few minutes later, when you are more or less comfortable in the bunk, reading a book to take your mind off things, Wrecker comes in. He looks at you tenderly, concerned.

"Did you get rid of the kids?" you ask with a small smile.

"Hunter said something was wrong with you. He said you've retreated and that I should check on you."

You sigh, "Of course he did."

Wrecker sits down on the edge of the bunk and reaches for your hand.

"What's wrong sweetie?"

You swallow, collect yourself, and finally say, "When I saw you with the village kids earlier, I realized we needed to talk about something"

Wrecker frowns questioningly.

"Oh yeah?"

You say directly, as if quickly ripping off a Band-Aid, "I'm infertile".

Wrecker sits silently, looking at you uncomprehendingly. The information takes a moment to sink in. After a while, he says, "You can't have children of your own."

You nod, put the book aside and run your free hand over your face.

"Yes, unfortunately. That means we can't have children together"

"'Scooch over," he prompts you, lying down next to you.

Still holding your hand, he is now lying next to you.

"Okay, that's unfortunate, and I suspect that's not easy for you, but it's not the end of the world" he says thoughtfully.

"Oh no?" you ask critically.

"No," Wrecker says with conviction, "we do love each other, don't we?"

"I love you very much, yes"

He turns his head to look at you and smiles.

"See, we don't need much more than that. I love you with all my heart. And you can adopt children too if you really want some."

You laugh softly.

"Is it really that simple? Doesn't that bother you at all?"

Wrecker says softly, "The only thing that bothers me is that it makes you unhappy. I want to see you smile, love."

You kiss his chin and say, "Don't worry, Wrecker, you make me very, very happy."

Crosshair

He responds pretty matter-of-factly when you tell him you're infertile.

"Okay."

"Okay? That's it?"

He asks, "What do you want to hear?"

You throw your arms in the air.

"I don't know, but maybe something more than just an 'okay'"

Crosshair sighs, sits down and says, "Kids were never part of my life plan, and honestly I don't want any. So for me, nothing has changed"

You frown, not sure if you're happy with that answer. On the one hand, it's good to know, but it seems so insensitive. However, you're actually used to his rather edgy manner by now.

"Okay, good to know," you say with a sigh, not in the mood to argue with him or pull the words out of his nose.

But as you turn away to leave the room, you feel his hand on your shoulder. You stop but don't turn around.

"Listen, Kitten," Crosshair says more gently, "I can't imagine how much of a burden this must have been on you, and I can understand that my reaction didn't come across as very sensitive."

You remain silent and wait. He spins you around so that you have to look at him.

"But like I said, nothing changes for me. You're still mine, Kitten and you always will be, whether your uterus works or not doesn't change that. Stop pouting, sweetie."

You roll your eyes and a small laugh crosses your lips, relief finally coming.

"The way you express yourself sometimes…" you say with a sigh.

He shrugs his shoulders.

"As direct as possible, you know me".

You smirk, and he gently kisses the corner of your mouth.

" That's how I like your face much better, Kitten, with that little smirk of yours".

Ko-Fi (If you feel like giving me some coffee)

@rintheemolion

@andyoufollowyourheart @clone-whore-99

@brynhildrmimi @kaliel2310

@misogirl828 @tech-deck

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@pb-jellybeans

[navybrat817]

Dear Navy, I have a question for you!

I just saw your poll about CEO!Bucky and kids. I was wondering if you've ever considered writing fics including adopted kids? I ask for kind of selfish reasons - I'm not looking for sympathy, but I recently found out I can't have kids. I'm in no way demanding anything from your writing (as I love all you write and wouldn't dare do that), but just wanted to ask if it's something you've thought about? If not, that's totally fine - I was just curious!

Much love and thanks! 💙

Hi, nonnie! First, sending all my love your way. I know you said you aren't looking for sympathy, but my heart is still with you. ❤️

Second, I would absolutely consider that! I think it would be wonderful to explore and build an AU around that. 🥰

I appreciate you indulging in my nonsense and hope to delve into this when I can. Love and thanks! ❤️

[corabloom13]

Arcane x Reader with miscarriage/stillbirth headcanons

MASSIVE TW for miscarriage, stillbirth infertility medical stuff.

You and Silco were both planning on a new baby for a while. Singed warned such a pregnancy would be high-risk - but you both took the chance knowing what was likely to come.

When you miscarried, Silco ran straight to you upon hearing your blood-curdling cries. He wasn't about to let you do this alone. He held you on your bed, brushing away sweaty bangs.

You felt guilty. After years of trying for a baby you failed. Silco blamed you, didn't he? "It's not your fault," he assured you, bundling up your baby gently so he could lay them to rest. Silco's without qualms for cleaning you up, to. Deep down he's heartbroken just as much as you are but he knows whatever he feels it will be immeasurably worse for you.

Which is why adopting Jinx never seemed like a bad idea to him. Silco should've asked you about it before, but when your eyes lit up your arms wrapped your new daughter in a warm hug. "Maybe it's possible it all worked out in the end," you coo to him.

According to doctors, your pregnancy was fine. Your baby had a steady heartbeat, you and Viktor were ecstatic to become a family.

Which is why both of your hearts shatter come delivery day, your infant pops out not breathing. "Vik, what's wrong?!" You demand as hospital staff rush your baby out of the room. Viktor is torn between following his child and staying to protect you but one reassuring yet concerned look in his golden eyes tell how nervous he is. "I'll be right back, Love." He lightly kisses your forehead before following where they were taking the newborn.

When he returned, eyes puffy tears staining his pale face you knew. Viktor didn't need to utter a sound for you to understand your child was gone. A rare moment occurred where both of you were vulnerable, holding each other. What about all the plans they had as a family? What about the nursery you decorated with peculiar toys and trinkets Viktor spent days slaving away to craft?

Years slip by. Apparently you ended up infertile from the stillbirth - something you personally found bizarre. You and Viktor drifted somewhat in your relationship, you end up not wanting to dwell on such hardships and Viktor drowning himself with his work. "HexTech can save lives, Y/N," he mumbles at the lab while you're coaxing him to come home for the night. "Vik, you've been up here for weeks. Why not sleep at home tonight, hmm?"

"But the Hexcore - it responds to biomatter. It revives and replenishes dead tissues -" "Viktor!" You scold, bunching your fists. "You push the world, everyone away including me so you can slave away on Hextech. I know how much you want to save lives, but what's done is done. Our baby died years ago, Vik, you don't think I know that? All the nights I lay awake wishing for a child to hold? How I go into the unused nursery, sobbing at the crib that will never have a baby to hold?" You take a deep breath, rubbing your eyes. "As much as you may wish for things to be different, I get it. But no amount of experiments will be able to fix this. Let's just try and fix us, alright? C'mon, let's head home."

Viktor stands up, holding you in a much needed hug before holding your hand escorting you home.

Jinx was always extra careful around you while you were pregnant. She hardly is ever careful, so she must care for you and your baby a lot.

You don't know how to tell her you miscarried. Jinx put in so much effort to look after you, if you tell her you lost the baby her heart will surely break. "Do you want me to tell her for you, Y/N?" Silco offers smoking a cigar. "Nah, I can handle it."

"Toots!" Jinx's blue hair dances when she sees you climb up into her hideout. "Jinx, there's something we need to talk about," Jinx lifts up her goggles nodding. "Sure thing but check this out!" Pulling out a contraption from under her desk, it's metal with prongs holding dangling handmade stuffed toys. Decorated in bright blues and pinks, Jinx presses a button as her machine spins playing music. "It's a mobile!!"

"That is very sweet of you, Jinx, however something came up-" "Oh! Almost forgot!" She chuckles, lips curling in a smile. "These bad boys can watch your baby like a hawk. Anyone tries to steal it and - bam!" Her hands hold up a miniature bomb. "Yes thank you for your help, but -" "If ya ever need help burpin' em, this baby bouncer outta-" "Jinx, there is no baby!"

Her grey eyes widen, head tilting. "Y-You're joking right?" She chuckles, lightening the mood. You sit beside her at Jinx's bench, holding her scrawny, delicate hands in yours. "No, unfortunately its not a joke. I lost the baby yesterday, which is why I wasn't able to see you." Her eyes turn cold. "B-But we were careful! We were careful to make sure you had what you needed-" Jinx jerks her head, shaking it in disagreement. You knew she was prone to hallucinations, exactly why you avoided this chat with her.

"Look, no matter what the voices are saying it wasn't your fault. We did our best and in the end it didn't work." "No! You're going to leave, ain't ya sweetheart?!" Jinx jolts from her seat, pacing. "Yeah. You'll leave all because I couldn't save anyone. You're no different then Vi!" You rush to her as both of you break down crying, holding her in an embrace. "How long has it been since anyone held you like this?" You ask.

"Y-You're not gonna ditch me, Y/N?" You cup her face, heartbroken by all that she's gone through but glad that you had each other. "Of course not! It wasn't your fault. Now, let's grab some drinks at the last drop, hmm?"

You were already pregnant when you started dating Sevika. She could've cared less, but of course your baby would be protected under her watchful eyes.

Which is why she was concerned when Singed told you it was twins. Sevika didn't think the Undercity would provide enough supplies to look after them. "I'll see what Silco can do," she said kissing your abdomen.

Sevika was out on a mission - "Babysitting Jinx. Am really over qualified for this shit." - When your water broke. Being alone upstairs of the Last Drop was harsh, as you made yourself comfortable on the couch as much as you could. When one of Silco's goons walked in they sent for Sevika right away.

Twin stillbirths seemed to hit both of you like a truck. Sevika blames herself for not being there when you needed her. That's how she learned to keep her professional and personal lives separated.

That night, as you lay in bed quieter than usual your partner sits on the edge of your bed, her mechanical hand holding yours. "Y'know, it's gonna hurt like fucking hell, Y/N. Don't expect it to be pretty. I've known a few people who were in your situation and they-" you turn so she can see your face, her features softening upon seeing you. "They are okay. They weren't okay at first, but they took one day at a time." She cuddles close to you, as you smell liqueur and shimmer on her it's all comforting. It's Sevika, Sevika who would be your knight in shining armor. Your right hand man. She'd never leave you for the world.

Jayce did need to worry. After all the doctors told you both this was a high-risk pregnancy.

"Y/N, you'll be fine," he reassuringly rests his hand on your abdomen. Despite his kind words you couldn't help to worry. This was Piltover's Golden Boy's heir to House Talis, the child of an empowering councilor.

Jayce worked a lot - meetings and presentations. He wished he could be with you more to enjoy this precious time, but his brother-in-arms Viktor made sure to help you and kept an eye on you if you needed anything.

Jayce was pulled backstage by Sky during a presentation in front of the whole damn city. When he snapped at her he saw her face which revealed what happened. "Shit!" He dashes out of the building, ignoring crowds of people who adored and admired him.

"Y/N!!" Jayce pulls the hospital curtain over to see you. Wiping your tears with your hand, you choke on your sobs. "The...b-baby flat lined and...." You squeeze his hand, screaming at the top of your lungs.

"I-I am so sorry, I should've spent more time with you-" "I forgive you," you say, pulling him into a comforting kiss. After all Jayce showed up didn't he? He reassured you when your fears got the better of you while massaging your ankles. "Get some rest, alright? We'll talk about it in the morning."

You're stillbirth somehow magically never created a rift between you two.

Granted no relationship is perfect, but Ekko would be damned if he let your baby's death cause friction between you two.

Ekko is adaptable enough to try and continue one day at a time, even for your sake. He'd keep you comfortable in the Firelights hideout, allowing you to take a break for as long as you need.

"Found this old gramophone. Think you can fix it up?" He asks, as you nodd. He'd always adored you for your tinkering, even if you couldn't fix everything he'd have you focus on what you could fix.

When you lost your baby, Ekko and the Firelights created the best send off for them. A decorated casket with flowers. As they buried them by their mural, they released a sworn of Firelights up in the sky.

It was honestly more than you could ask for. It wasn't ideal but knowing Ekko knew what to do next kinda saved your life.

[deathbypufferfish]

still going through it fr. They both have the emotion bomb quirk rn and they still can't conceive 😭

[himbo-in-limbo]

TW INFERTILITY and baby stuff (an Arti comic I’ve been forgetting to repost)

Artisan from a first glance looks like she’s in her late 20s but in reality she’s in her 80s!! From a young age her parents have been (in a small amount) injecting her with yautja blood to extend her life! (a reference to the 2005 predator: concrete jungle game) as much as it did wonders to preserve her youth and life it has also come at the cost of her fertility…she didn’t know this whole time it was doing some unseen damage and by the time she wanted to do something about it, it was too late.

But her hubby Wolf gladly would reassure her that no matter by what means of them to have a family of their own he would make it happen ❤️ Arti desperately wants Wolfs bloodline to continue so they would eventually have a surrogate mother bear their son who would eventually be named Luar’Ja 🥰

[bcofl0ve]

Austin imagine with this two prompts?

“Shh. It’s okay. I’m here” and “You’re going to hurt yourself if you keep doing that.”

Rubble to Rubble

ship: austin butler x reader

prompt: “shh it’s okay. i’m here.”/“you’re going to hurt yourself if you keep doing that.”

summary: starting a family with austin doesn't come as easy you thought it would.

content warning: infertility, pregnancy

a/n: i am absolutely sure this is not what you had in mind for these prompts LOL but i got the idea and it ran away from me so here we are. hope it’s alright!

“Careful sweetie, you’re going to hurt yourself if you keep doing that,” Austin cooed to the bubbly toddler that had just tried to climb on the top of the kitchen table for about the fifth time in 10 minutes.  

Spending the day with Austin’s family had been nice, they all adored you- his three year old niece specifically. 

But watching him with her put a lump in your throat. He was great with kids, you wouldn’t be trying to start a family if you didn’t think that. The starting part just wasn’t going as smoothly as you thought it would. 

Before you could rabbit hole about it for much longer the little girl was barreling towards you with a squeal of “A’ntie Y/N!”, and that did wonders to improve your mood. 

Until the next negative pregnancy test, at least. 

—

You hadn’t even been planning on telling Austin you thought you might’ve been pregnant, or about the taking test. But in your disappointed haze, you hadn’t buried it as far down in the bathroom trash can as you thought you did. 

“Didn’t tell me you were taking one today,” He said as he walked out of the bathroom after his shower from bed, water stains around the collar of his Henley, hair still wet. 

”Well it was negative, so it’s not like it matters.” You said, trying not to sound as dejected as you felt. You saw Austin’s face drop a little at the revelation, which sent a wave of guilt right to your gut. 

“You wanna talk about it?” He asked softly as he crawled into bed, sitting back against the headboard next to you. When he draped an arm around you you dropped your head onto his shoulder, picking at a thread on your shorts. 

“If this is just something that never happens for us, are you okay with that?”

You felt him take in a breath and held yours, looking at your lap. 

“I don’t want to say yes because I don’t think you’re okay with it, yeah?” He started. 

He wasn’t wrong there. You would have been crushed if he acted like kids were suddenly no biggie after all the time you’d spent trying. You shook your head against his shoulder, breathing out when he combed his fingers through your hair. 

“You can accept something is the way that it is and still wish it was different. But if you want to keep trying, we’ll keep trying and if you want to look into other avenues then we can do that too.”

“I want to keep trying.”

He kissed the side of your head with a quiet “Okay hon,” before leaning over to flick the bedside lamp off, and you shifted down to use his chest as a pillow, the way he held you to him the only thing keeping you in one piece. 

Sleep didn’t come easy that night- not that you’d been expecting it to. 

—

True to your word, you kept trying. And trying. 

And trying. 

But after four more months of what was feeling more and more like a losing battle, you were falling apart at the seams. 

Austin was working when you took the test, the house empty- or at least you thought it was- when you threw at the wall so hard it broke. Your hands shook as you tugged them through your hair, eyes stinging with tears. 

“Y/N?” You heard, and faltered. Austin wasn’t supposed to be home for a few more hours, and before you could get yourself even halfway pulled together he was standing in the open bathroom doorway. 

Sucking a deep breath in, a sob escaped on the exhale. When you crumpled into Austin your knees went shaky and he got you both to the ground, backs against the wall, as gently as he could. You could feel the shoulder of his shirt growing damp with how much you were crying, and when he started talking his voice sounded watery too. 

“Shh, it’s okay,” He said and you could’ve screamed because he was just trying to help but everything was not okay, in any way shape or form. “I’m here.”

“I don’t think I can keep trying.”

The words tumbled out before you could stop them, and you tensed, but Austin only held you closer, resting his chin on the top of your head. 

—

You talked about it more seriously in the morning when you could get through a few sentences without crying, and agreed to table the “baby thing” for the time being- and look into other options when you were feeling up to it. Which you weren’t, not really, and didn’t know if you would be for a while. 

A month passed before you even thought about it again and you planned to bring it up at dinner that night. If you made it that far, having woken up feeling more nauseous then you ever had in your life.

It crossed your mind when you were leaving the bathroom for what felt like the 100th time in a few hours and you got as far as opening the cabinet before you paused. If you were wrong again it would reset everything you’d done to move forward and let this dream die. 

But if this time felt different, for some reason that you hoped wasn’t just maladaptive daydreaming. 

You dug through the cabinet to find what you were looking for, holding your breath when you sat back down.

Thirty minutes passed, and you heard a familiar shout of “Baby I’m home!” as the front door opened. 

The temptation to run down the stairs was beaten by the fact that you couldn't unglue your feet from the bathroom floor. Or your eyes from the three positive pregnancy tests on the counter. 

“Hey, oh-”

He’d walked into the bedroom and stopped as soon as he saw where you were, eyebrows raised. You could tell he was trying to gauge your mood, ready to jump into comforting you about another negative result.

“Come here,” You said excitedly and he almost looked nervous as he walked over and you grabbed his arm. His eyes widened when he looked at the counter, looked at you, and then back down in disbelief. 

“I thought the first one was a false positive, so I took another one- then another one after that,” You said, stuttering over your words. 

“You’re pregnant,” He said, looking back up at you with a wide smile. and running a hand through his hair. You nodded, and he looked down at your stomach,  eyes watery. “We’re gonna have a baby- oh my god,

He pulled you into a tight hug then, and you wrapped your arms around his neck, still in disbelief about it all yourself. 

3 years later

You gasped playfully when you heard the door start to jiggle, Cecilia looking up in that direction from where she had been stacking blocks. 

“Who do you think that is?" 

You said it in the same second that Austin was opening the door, the two year old up and running in his direction with a loud squeal. 

He scooped her up the second she was close enough, bouncing her in his arms and kissing all over her face. She giggled, putting a tiny hand on the side of his face. 

“Dad-ee’s home,”

You’d walked over by then, Austin shifting your daughter in his arms to kiss you, smiling as he pulled back, ticking the underside of Cecilia's knee.

“Course I am baby, I’ll always come home to my best girls.”

xxx

[undercoverpena]

Hi Jo, this is a deeply personal question so feel free to ignore. I saw that you don’t write pregnancy (which is completely fine btw) but I just wondered does this mean LNT!Javier doesn’t have children or Francisco in DMY? Do you imagine them having children? Or is it just something you do not wish to write?

hi! so I’m sorry i left you in my inbox for over a week—I hope you don’t think you offended me. you haven’t, I just wanted to sit with it, because even if I know the answer immediately, I wanted to make sure I was being tactful.

tw: infertility/but also be aware a choice to not have children has been made.

so, I can’t have children. it’s something I found out last year officially—but my husband and I wasn’t always sure if we did want/didn’t want children. there’s a lot of complex feelings attached to that I’m not going to share, but the thing we are sure of as a concrete is that we do not want our own children. but we do like children, specifically friends and families.

Javi and reader in LNT are entirely up to you to imagine, I love them deeply, but they likely won’t be revisited (as I love them exactly how they are). so maybe they do, maybe they don’t.

now, DMY Frankie already has a child. one that rainy will love, so much, as part of the main series. rainy has lived with me for a long time, and I know, hand on heart, she’s going to be an amazing step mom, and large part of Luca’s life.

but for me, personally, and something I’ll maybe only ever explore in one shots (to not ruin any illusions for others) and only if people wish me too, I don’t think she’ll have children. so I never imagine them growing out of the three of them. I’ve had the most beautiful thoughts of them years down the line, how their family is blended, that there’s a dog and a bunch of other things. but never another child.

that isn’t to say you can’t imagine them differently when the series comes to an end, as none of this is imperative for it. this is just my thoughts as the writer who lives with her.

[rickktish]

Today my mom and I finished the 90’s superman TV show Lois and Clark and it’s a really great series and I think every superman fan ever should watch it because Henry Cavill has nothing on Dean Cain, but that’s not actually what this post is about. This post is about the fact that in a pre-Superboy Jon Kent world, the central arc of Clark Kent’s character was that he wanted a family of his own, and this culminates in (spoilers) the last episode being centered on the question of what to do about having kids since Clark’s biology is not compatible with humans’ for making babies, and my anthropology major brain couldn’t not analyze this through a gender/sexuality lens since I took a class all about the cultural impact of gender and media portrayals of it.

Here’s the thing: in the vast majority of media (I almost said western media but then I thought about it more and I think it’s actually pretty darn universal) infertility is a female plotline. It’s one of the few plots that is inherently feminine in nature because for so much of history we’ve viewed infertility as a woman’s concern. If a man and a woman can’t have a child, after all, it must be something wrong with her, right? (Ha. Ha. Ha. It’s not funny, actually.) But this means that this silly little superman show from the 90’s is portraying an infertility plot line, but the problem isn’t the female character’s fertility, it’s her husband’s. Except that since fertility is an “inherently” feminine plot line, we get almost no emotional impact of this news on Clark himself. Lois, after all, is the one who spent the second to last episode going through the question of whether or not she’s ready to have children and deciding that she is. It could perhaps be argued that this is because Clark has been ready for a while, because a family is all that he wants, but I think it’s also because the question of a working woman choosing to have a child is, culturally speaking, a very different question to a man choosing to have a child, and has been since women became acceptable in the work place.

Here’s my point though: Clark gets the news that he can’t reproduce with Lois, goes to talk to her, and ends up holding her as she mourns this loss of something they were hoping for. She doesn’t comfort him, except by coming up with actions they can take to try to get around their incompatible biology. Lois is the one who gets to mourn, while Clark continues to emphasize that they will be okay no matter what because they love each other. And all I could think about watching this was how removed Clark was from his own fertility. How completely separated he was from it. Because in spite of the issue being his fertility and not hers, Lois is the one who gets to have an emotional arc about it, because she is the woman in the story.

One of the solutions they come up with is to ask Lois’s father, who (in rare fashion) is not a general but instead a handy-dandy generalized “scientist,” to see if there’s anything he can come up with for them. In order to do so, though, they need to reveal to him that Clark is Superman. The whole scene where they’re trying to figure out how to tell him feels a little bit queer, because I can see a modern writer turning everything from it into a trans reveal instead of a secret identity, but that’s a little beside the point. The point is that still, at no point does Clark seem distressed for himself, but instead for how Lois feels about all this— up to and including the point about her mother’s lack of maturity meaning that she doesn’t feel safe telling her they’re trying to have a baby or that they’re facing infertility.

And from all this, somehow all I can think of is how far we’ve culturally removed men from power over their own fertility. It feels like the only things that get discussed on the news or in shows, up to and including the abortion issue, is women’s fertility. We rarely talk about giving men education about and control over their fertility, only women. Women’s bodies, women’s rights, but what about the fact that the men don’t seem to be attached enough to their own fertility to know or even consider what they can do to control it for themselves? I actually wonder if the requirement (historical or present, depending on where you live) for women to get permission from their husbands to get their tubes tied has more to do with men’s fertility than with their wives’, because in some ways it seems that the only control a man is offered over his own fertility in our culture is by exerting control over his wife. There’s an alienation between men and their ability to procreate that honestly baffles me now that I’ve thought about it. It’s separated from them by their relationship with their partner’s body, and I wonder if somehow giving men more control over their own fertility, and educating them about it and how they can reclaim it from where it has been outsourced to another body, might be a positive step. I wonder if our cultural disconnect between fathers and children might take a few steps if men were taught to view their reproductive systems as more than just pleasure centers, as a part of their personal fertility.

I don’t really know where I’m going with this, I think there’s more to be explored with this idea but I’m not fully prepared to go on the biological tangent with it yet so I think I’m going to leave it at that. I just. What would it take for men to reclaim their own fertility from where it has been culturally outsourced to women’s bodies?

[roosterforme]

I find it almost heartbreaking that baby girl struggles for so long but princess got pregnant right away.

Hey, nonny. That's absolutely partly why I wrote it this way. Everyone has a different story in life, and Princess and Baby Girl are very different from each other.... potentially long ramble under the cut.

I wrote Roo and BG to be an example of the way your relationship with your partner can suffer when you close yourself off to try to fight against the pain of fertility struggles. Even when you both want the same thing, it can be so hard to get your period or see a negative pregnancy test month after month after month. It's demoralizing the way you start to doubt yourself and your body and your mind. You start blaming yourself for everything, and everyone else's happiness over starting a family just causes you more pain. (I would know, I lived it).

Princess and Daddy on the other hand have been subjected to a bombardment of outside problems and struggles. While they have learned to trust the fact that they actually have a partner in each other, a quick month and a half of trying has resulted in a positive test. Her story is very different from Baby Girl's, and I agree that it's kind of heartbreaking. I also by no means planned ahead of time for them to line up this way, it just kind of happened after so so so many months of writing both series. But it's interesting to see how things can play out so differently for different people.

[masked-alien-lesbian]

Hana Lee and Infertility Sensitivity

I know there were a lot of people who hated that PB made Hana Lee unable to get pregnant, I disliked how they handled it. It was only a plot point to give mc a reason to be the one to carry the heir, that way pb wouldn't have to write the Hana route differently than the m!LIs. Instead of just having Hana and mc decide for mc to carry the heir, they needlessly made Hana infertile and just glossed over her heartbreak and the mental trauma that can cause, especially to someone that wanted to carry her own child.

I really want to change that in my hc, but I'm not sure how to handle infertility issues respectfully. Is is insensitive to rewrite a canon infertile character in the first place? I don't want to change Hana because I think people who can't have kids are broken and need to be fixed, that's not what this is about, I just simply want Hana to be happy. (Plus I may shamelessly self-insert myself into OC who romances Hana and I, myself, am terrified of being pregnant and of childbirth) but I also really wanted to see Hana pregnant. Is it insensitive to write the infertility out of Hana, would it be better to write it into a different character and actually write it well (unlike PB) or is the infertility difficulties just triggering and shouldn't be reduced to a plot point? Please understand I'm not trying to be disrespectful or insensitive at all, I just need some opinions on this matter. Thanks!