#like rn school is taking my main focus but when i get the chance im gonna TACKLE THIS

[givemewallywestorgivemedeath]

Real quick, if you sent me an ask and I haven't answered it yet, just know that I am NOT ignoring you, I am simply staring at the number of asks in my inbox with an increasingly rising level of fear and overwhelming panic.

[myswimmingpewl]

Helloooo I'm gonna talk about aziraphales character development thought good omens and why I think he may have gone with the metatron.

It's clear the main focus of aziraphales development is for him to realise hevan is not always good and that sometimes it's okay to do something morally wrong. Crowley acts as his mentor to teach him this valuable lesson

Most flashbacks in the show focus on this. For example the first scene of S2. Angel crowley is admiring the stars and when azi tells him it's all going to go in 6000 years, crowley thinks this is wrong and want to tell that to god and to also suggest some better things for him to do. Crowley is not trying to be evil, he's simply trying to tell god how to be better and even more good. Similarly, in the garden, crowley criticises god and says he shouldnt have made the tree so easy to get to and how he doesn't know what's bad about knowing the difference between good and evil. In both these scenes, crowley isn't being evil, far from that, he's trying to be good and suggest good things. The hope is that aziraphale will realise god can have faults and he isn't always perfect.

Also, in some biblical flashbacks such as the story of job or noahs arc, the main focus is that God can make some pretty bad decisions sometimes. Releasing a flood that will slowly and painfully kill everyone is not a 'good' or 'heavenly' thing to do, same with punishing someone who did nothing wrong, yet, because God does it, all the angles just believe it's okay. Crowley was smart though and realised somethings god does are bad - this made him fall - crowley is now aziraphales guide to realising those problems.

Also, aziraphale struggles with morality in some of the flashbacks for example at the resurrectionist in Scotland. It's morally wrong to take a dead body out of its grave yet its morally right if that body gets used for science to save multiple people's lives. Crowley plays a big part in teaching him that this is for the best but aziraphale really struggles with this idea because as an angel, he's always been taught what's wrong is wrong and what's right is right unless god does it. To aziraphale, taking the body out was too bad and no good can come from it. Yet with a little bit of 'develish' thinking (not evil at all just not what the angels are taught to beleve) he can accept that some things can be done for the greater good.

This idea is shown thought the show and it's clear that it's aziraphale's character development - realising god is not always right. Therefore, it only makes sence that going to heavan was the wrong choice and it couldn't have been him and he was manipulated right? Wrong.

I do think that the metatron did manipulate azi a little bit so we wouldn't see all the negatives of going back becasue that's just who he is. However, I do believe that it was mostly aziraphales decision to go back to heavan because it fits with his character development so well. He finds it very difficult to accept that heavan is actually bad and he's desperate for it not to be true. Because of this, the moment he gets a chance to change that, he does. He doesn't *want* to go to heavan but he wants to make a difference. All his development shows that he is realising heavan is bad yet he himself still wants to do good. Unlike crowley, he isn't willing to be on hells side to do good, he just wants to be with heavan. The only way he believes he can do good is to go back and change it. However, what's likely going to happen is that he will be punished by the metatron and others for disobeying hevan on multiple occasions.

This makes much more sence in my head than it does written down tbh but I wanted to do a little ramble. I probably repeated my self and miss spelled alot bcs im literally on the train for a school trip rn so quite stressed out😭 anyway if you made it all the way here, congrats you're as insane about these gay people as I am 😝💪

[organic-guacamole]

episode 209 spoilers below

I'm so late today but here it is

I love EJ, he's finally learning to be happy. I'm so proud.

Ms Jenn = every boomer during zoom calls, like jeez yes we can hear you stop shouting at me.

LOVE THE SUBTLE JOKE ABOUT QUARANTINE "these dark times" "you mean spring break?"

ah yes, remember when we thought covid was just gonna give us a longer spring break? good times

SEBLOS

damn the passive aggressiveness from Carlos and the absolutely over it tone from seb✋

CASWELL COUSINS!!!!! THEY'RE THE BEST!!!!

we needed more if this kind of goofiness for the first part of season 2 that only such an iconic duo can provide.

old old movies-

is it even that old, or is Nini being a gen alpha rn-

i choose to imagine EJ being scared of the movie and hiding in Ashlyn's shoulder while she keeps a straight face and then EJ pretending to be tough afterwards

aww redlyn are soulmates.... yknow, if gingers had souls

(please ignore me)

y'all saw how EJ's face *lit up* when Gina logged on? how dare you tell me he doesn't like her

ofc she's no damsel in distress, she's Gina porter, she's amazing.

so do we think she'd be the type to just glare at suspicious people? or bark at them

do they not know that Rini broke up? or is Ms Jenn just wanting Nini to suffer through her heartbreak to make her a better actress....

speaking of, why is Nini in the call? she's not in the show anymore. Unless she is, even after the rose and the song got cut, which would be so unfair to all those that auditioned properly before she even came back but whatever, she's the main character I get it 🙄

big red is a hero honestly, Nini better thank him for changing the subject like that

I can't-

i won't work you over the break-

this woman would 100% work her kids 24/7 if it was legal and idk how to feel about it.

YES GINA USE THAT CHARM

QUEEN

FRENCH QUEEN

SHE LEARNT FROM THE BEST (antoine obvi)

smh the airport lady, eavesdropping on Gina's call.

The way she was so happy to answer EJ's call, "eej"

I love them your honour.

EJ WITH PAINTED NAILS YES PLEASE

great now we need to see Gina, Ashlyn and EJ having a complete spa day and EJ getting really into it and Gina and Ashlyn take pictures of him when he's laying down in a robe with a mask and cucumbers on his eyes.

finally we get to see Gina's side of portwell

the way she considered it as flirting, this is the sign she asked for in episode 6 come onnnnn

no is Asher/jack really doing tiktok dances in an airport-

Ricky is me. I am burrito.

oh Lynne, sweetie, I'm sorry but the blonde hair is not it

is that even the same lady or-

THE BEAN

THE CHICAGO BEAN

THE BIG OLD METAL BEAN IN THE MIDDLE OF THE CITY 😭

jetlag is my go to excuse for anything... I haven't travelled in 2 years.

"welcome to the Lynne and Mike gossip show. where we talk about our depressed son that we both neglect in certain ways! And now a word from our sponsor, Nord VPN..."

SO MANY CANDLES

WHAT DEMON IS LYNNE TRYING TO SUMMON IN HIS ROOM-

is Nina becoming social media obsessed EJ from season 1? AND SHE LIED ABOUT HAVING SONGS TOO PLEASE WHY ARW THEY RECYCLING THE SAME PLOT-

Gina smiling at the picture of her family on Instagram makes me so happy, idek why.

EJ's nails are so pretty, we needed to see it more (unless he had it on for the rest of the episode and I just.... didn't notice🧍🏽‍♀️)

oh not the tiktok kid✋

yes ma'am end this strange mans whole tiktok career

sir take a hint and leave

GINA NO DONT SAY YOUR LAST NAME HE COULD BE A HUMAN TRAFFICKER

Ricky, walking in style✨

weird kid, ok then Lynne, can't you see he's this close to the edge?

not all your fault baby Ricky, Nini sucks a bit more

RICKY YOU DIDN'T COME DOWN HARD ON THE SONG-

YOU ASKED WHAT IT WAS ABOUT AND SHE SHUT YOU DOWN-

PLEASE DO NOT BLAME YOURSELF

ok but the deleting comment thing was very bad

still don't know if I like Jack honestly

hmmm so Nini's calling herself Nini instead of Nina in her little egg seat, while trying to write a song without inspiration.... Nini, honey, Ricky was your muse, he inspired you to write all those songs, even if it wasn't good for the relationship.

that doesn't mean you gotta get back with him, or that you can't write a song that not about him butttt it'll take some time

the rainbow sticker in her box and her rainbow shirt-

anyways wbk she's not totally straight

Jack are you a criminal?

quick, Gina, check his ankle for a tracker

THE YES AND PRACTICE STRIKES AGAIN

the way Gina wasn't into it in episode 6 but she's used the technique twice now

stole her grandma's Pomeranian-

Jack where the hell did you pull that out from-

the fake crying killed me, that looks like so much fun though

anyone wanna raid a first class lounge with me?

wait so is jack not gonna go in with her?

wouldn't he go in too? help look for the credit card? SO CONFUSED

the first class lounge guy was so into the drama though, watch his face when they start arguing 😭

sorry to break this to you Kourtney, but you haven't even blocked the second act yet soooo...

take that as you will

I love how all of them are totally dissing the dance off

that's the most realistic part of this show tbh

shouldn't Nini have asked how she knew....since the start? why is the fact that her best friend has knowledge of a North high secret now dawning on her...

Howie is sweet honestly, at least he's trying to help. but I stand with Kourtney, don't take him back just because he sang an amazing song, and is giving you a heads up on what's gonna happen...

KOURTNEY IS ME TRYING TO LEAVE AN ONLINE CLASS

I hate school

ooo Nini's writing a song about bad internet connection 🤩🤩🤩

I never lie, except when I do-

son that is the creepiest thing you could say to a stranger that you've been "helping"

2 truths and a lie👀

he's an Ariana fan 100%

called it.

OLDER BROTHER-

WHAT-

free spirit? damn so brother porter was in that horse movie

so has she been kissed or not?????????

I feel like she's moved more than 15 times though so possibly

but then if she's moved so much, and before east high she never opened up to anyone, she's never been kissed then?? damn

same though Gina so let's be besties please

heartbreak president is a great song title idea, give Nini a call rn

but wait

is the no strings attached feeling thing about her telling Ricky she liked him? she thought she was moving away so she thought it'd be no strings attached???

guys I think I figured it out insert the "I've connected two dots" meme

THE DUKE SWEATSHIRT

IS THAT YOUR BOYFRIEND'S

OMG I LOVE I LOVE

NOT THAT I KNOW OF???

ma'am did you just kill me

yes you did

Lynne and Ricky have such a weird relationship

YES IT DID SUCK

TODD SUCKS

LYNNE SUCKS

yeah I get that you wanted Ricky to like Todd BUT THAT WASN'T THE TIME

right so we already know that Ricky was so desperate to keep Nini cuz he didn't want to be like his parents, and now Lynne's talking about this-

Richard needs a long hug

yes Lynne, it is your fault. thank you for finally admitting it.

YES DYE YOUR HAIR

BLOND HIGHLIGHTS RICKY WILL RISE AGAIN

"sometimes the best, last thing you can do for someone you love, is let them go."

gotta admit I teared up at that point

not me thinking big red was calling ms Jenn cupcake for a hot second-

Carlos please omg, you're at the "beach" and they're leaving for the pool?

also, why not just do the call from the hotel room please omg

"don't ask me"

"Carlos"

OMG WHAT HAPPENED

big red wants the tea

O M G

SEB IS JEALOUS

JEALOUS SEBBY IS MY FAVOURITE THING IDC

I'm surprised ms Jenn knew how to give Nini permission to screenshare tbh

So lily's been stalking the East high kids and spending time editing this video while she's supposedly in an immersion trip.... right

EJ and Ashlyn's picture is so chaotic, what even is happening there

"slacking off" bestie its spring break, obviously they're confident enough that they'll get it done in time so why not focus on your own musical.

jealous seb = sassy seb

please what if those guys Carlos is posing with are his cousins or something and that's why he's so confused about Seb

6 YEAR OLD EJ I LOVE HIM I LOVE HIM I LOVE HIM

Nini saying she's obsessed with her ex, that's not weird at all 👍

I can just tell Matt had a blast harassing Julia with those puppets.

Jack please dont be like that, "yet"

chances are you'll never see eachother again 🥰

(honestly sometimes I really miss those friends I made on trips and stuff when we'd spend the day or week together, only to never see them again....those were the good days though)

Ashlyn and Nini should write more songs..... something better than this one at least

Nini: "im good"

cue the Tia Mowry (please I can't spell) crying gif

oh I forgot Ricky was in the show for a hot second

1. where did Gina get to film this without people being around

2. did she just... randomly change her clothes???

ok but the transition between Carlos and EJ

*chefs kiss*

now everyone shut up, EJ's singing

oh i think I'm pregnant

HIS MUSCLES

YES KOURTNEY

I love how big red and Kourtney went from being "the best friends™" to the couple in season 1, to kinda close themselves and having their own plots

sebby makes me so happy

props to biggies editing skills honestly

PORTWELL BEING SIDE TO SIDE I CANT

AND SEBLOS OMG

big red lives for the drama

"wow" so true Ricky

no he is not cute, stop it

"holding" ok that's kinda cute

yeah EJ's a lucky guy😌

jokes aside, it's not that hard to exchange numbers-

keep in touch if you want

ok I really like Jack now

if he comes back in season 3, maybe have him be LGBTQ+ ?

like the only out characters they have rn are Seb and Carlos and they're like the sterotypes, yk?

I'd love to see jack kinda break the mold

Ricky's breaking my heart

that song just hurts

the only thing

now I don't hate Lynne????????

HOW DARE THEY WRITE IN A PROPER REDEMPTION ARC FOR HER

UGH IM SUPPOSED TO HATE HER FOREVER

I mean I don't live her now but she's good

but honestly

"mom can I show you something"

IT WAS SO BEAUTIFUL

THE PICTURE AND EVERYTHING OMG

I'm sobbing please help

Gina saying she's just waiting for the right guy and then EJ coming to the airport to pick her up late at night without her asking, offering to bring her back in the morning so she won't have to Uber, bringing her a granola bar (WHICH IS EXACTLY WHAT SHE FORGOT TO PACK) and without expecting anything in return???

ms ma'am you've got a keeper right there

her smile at the end was so heartwarming I really can't.

this episode was great.

it felt really short but I liked it, great character development for Ricky, Lynne and Gina.

Cant wait for next episode to see more of EJ being the ideal boyfriend /hj

[tangerinegod]

Hello! I am sorry to bother you but I am a senior getting ready for college this year. I am in the US and I wanted to major in the same thing you did, do you have any possible tips for me? I still haven't even looked for colleges that would be best for animation majors so I figured if you were up to giving out any tips/saying any basic ideas if you wanted to/if you had the time to then maybe I'll have a better idea! I apologise for if I sound weird! I'm tried to word it correctly but I can't 😿

hi!! i’m totally down to share my experiences! someone else also had some questions so i’m going to put them all together in this post haha, hopefully this helps! it’ll get pretty long so apologies ahead of time but art school is a lot to think about so i wanna be as helpful as i can around it, its a lot of time and money. I’m gonna put it all under a read more cus it is really really long!

i wanna start off with the fact that I had the privilege of attending school in a financially stable environment, my parents were/are really supportive so w merit scholarship i only came out with around 20-30k in debt and i also had housing support my entire time in school. they were ok with me focusing on academics so i didn’t hold a retail job unless i was out of school like summer/winter break. Ofc though i regularly take commissions/do merch/cons to try and pay for all bills that arent rent cus i did want to be financially independent where it was possible. I also did try and work during the semester but everytime i did my body would deff start to breakdown from the fact that i didnt wanna compromise schoolwork with jobs.. so just read ahead know this experience is from a student who was able to attend focusing only on school work for most of the time!

the biggest thing is knowing art school is not required to become a professional in either freelancing or industry! there are a huuuge amount of online tools and classes these days that provide the exact same education and for cheaper too. i think it depends on what experience you prefer/can handle/want but it’s definitely possible to make art/animation art your living without higher education. the thing that college will for sure give you though is the ability to meet deadlines, work even when you dont want to, and connections with peers+teachers. i think the connections part is invaluable because you’re basically coming out with a network of people you already know and who know you! 

also its good to know if you want to attend/can handle art school! it’s a lot of time and energy and students get burned out really fast. the best piece of advice i got before going was ‘if you draw every single day, even if its for only like 5-10 minutes or a doodle for a whole year you should be fine’ consistency is super key because you’re attending school to draw, and you’ll have to create work for stuff you aren’t excited for at some point or another. burnout is extremely real and the only reason i didn’t experience it was probably because i got super into drawing naruto fanart again inbetween sophomore and junior year! it helped give me something to draw seperated from school which is the only thing i was drawing for since i had entered rip. a heads up id also consider myself a workaholic so i fit in ok with the ‘art school’ environment but it is suuper unhealthy. if you are fantastic at managing your schedule then it’s definitely possible to take care of yourself! freshman year i got 8 hours a sleep a night and only pulled all nighters for some second semester finals at the end. sophomore year + up though i ended up prioritizing hw over sleep and like for sure, definitely shortened my life span. there’s another q down below where i’ll go more into detail but ya, be careful w ur work balance!

another tip especially for animation is knowing for a fact what type of animation you’re looking to go into, and what the school is offering. I didn’t think i’d get into art school at the time so i only applied to two places + decided if i didnt get into either id attend community to get credits out of the way while building portfolio. honestly? i did not do a lot of research LOL but like i did end up having the chance to tour and stuff! just know that each school will have a very different curriculum. The main differences are schools that prioritize 3D (cg animation, cg modeling, ect) and 2D/traditional (hand drawn, ‘oldschool’, digital or traditional based) this is a huge difference so make sure you do research for it! in most cases a 2D/traditional program will also offer 3D since it’s at the forefront of the industry animation wise rn. My school taught 2D but like hand drawn on physical paper 2D, frame by frame. while it was a good experience it’s super outdated because digital tools make it way faster + easier! i’d recommend looking for a program that is digital 2D over traditional 2D. 

if after your senior year covid is still affecting campuses in the US to keep them shut down i’d recommend attending a community college to get credits and then transferring into school. one of the negatives is paying money for gened classes when ur not there for them; if you can get them out of the way sooner and cheaper there is absolutely no negative + you could graduate earlier or use the extra time for better work or to work a job! 

these are all the general tips i think i’d give on like a broad basis of attending or not to think about? let me know if u have more q’s! someone asked q’s im answering below that go more into personal experiences + work culture so heres those:

- how many hours a week do u spend studying, in class, otherwise making art? like how much of ur life does it consume?

I was basically working on art.... 24/7! since i wasnt working a job at the same time i crammed as many credits as possible into my schedule so on avg i did 18 credit semesters (around 6 classes) art classes go for 6 hours and non art go for 3, so i’d spent around 30-35 hours in class a week! hw wise it varied on the class but combined it would be around 35-50 hours a week... im guessing? on average studio classes would have 8-10 hours of hw, maybe 5 for a light week, and gened classes 5 hours w them all combined. or this was probably how things were before junior year? junior+senior year i had thesis + everything else ontop.. i’d spend around 30-40 hours on thesis a week with other classes ontop of that bc my film was super long cus im a dummy! 

- is it hard going to art school n realising that altho u were probably quite talented… so is everyone else? Like. all of a sudden. ur not special and everyone seems as good as u, you know? More generally, how do u deal with comparison?

kinda?? i think instead of the idea of like you vs others it feels more of like a competition at first to be the best. this varies hugely on school culture though; my animation year was really friendly with each other and get along extremely well, so my answer to this is v different than some others who attended different schools. i think that the idea of ‘comparison’ only lasts a portion of the first year because at some point you realize that it’s not a who’s better as much as its a ‘these are my coworkers’ type thing? like healthy competition 100% because we’re all working to improve but i think most of us learned pretty early on that viewing each other as peers going into the same workforce helped a lot. also at some point everyone develops their own style/starts to develop their artistic preferences so there isn’t a way to compare whos 'better’ anymore? i dont think there ever is tbh because style is appealing based off of an individuals preferences. If anything realizing everyone else is also amazing makes you wanna work harder ig? or thats how i felt! it’s inspiring to be surrounded by so many people who create such amazing work. 

- is there a lot of workaholic culture? all nighter culture?

100000% there can be a workaholic and all nighter culture. i know people who avoided it and thats honestly fantastic because i fall super easily into that pit. sometimes i’ll pull all nighters on a personal project just because i really want to finish it... i am definitely considered a workaholic all the way through and its not healthy rip... i’d estimate at the worst i was pulling 2-3 all nighters a week and only 4-5 hours of sleep on the nights i didn’t? that was only for one year tho, after that i was like yeah ok this is really bad for my health in the long run LOL so i tried to cut it down to one all nighter a week and around 5-6 hours of sleep the rest of the week! by senior year my decision to cram in full semesters paid off and i was able to consistently get around 7 hours of sleep a night + no all nighters minus finals since my schedule was lighter despite thesis 😭 while there is that culture i don’t think people view it as like a badge of honor or something to be proud of anymore which is good, we mostly view it as a flaw of the art school system and something that needs to be fixed!!

- are you glad u did it? how did u know it was what u wanted?

i am glad i did it! i’m definitely in a limbo right now of if it was worth both my time, money, and my parents money rip but i think with what i got out of it i definitely wouldn’t be as far skill wise or knowledge wise when it comes to the art industry. i would say it was only worth it for be because i had so much support going in though so i was able to focus so much on improving. if i had only been able to put in part of the effort and not make full use of the resources provided i would honestly have a different answer.. 

i knew it was what i wanted when i realized i really couldn’t see myself pursuing a different profession happily! despite all the bumps and stuff im fully in love with drawing still and feel honored that it’s a field that can provide a living. my second profession choice was to go into culinary school? and third option i think going was into music cus i was also a band kid hehe.  

- how do u cope with ur hobby becoming ur job? how do u deal with art going from something u do for fun to something u do on command constantly?

i think seperating work art from personal art is important! in my case im doubling naruto into being personal work so i have something to fall back onto that isn’t work related. its been a hyperfixation for 12+ years? so drawing it at this point is just like personal art imo. some people have hobbies outside of art and only draw for their job! i think after attending classes for so long the idea of hobby turning into job feels extremely natural? also i enjoy doing it so thats a huge plus! 

sorry this is SO long but i hope i answered your guys’ questions! if you have more just lmk!

[red-elric]

i loved your kureno meta so damn much! do you think you could write something on shigure too please? He's my favorite.

okay i love love love love LOVE shigure and im sorry it took a couple days to get back to you on this! im really feeling the dad shigure vibes rn so i hope its okay if i ramble about that for a little while :)

SHIGURE FUCKIN SOHMA. this slutty lil bitch boy, this conniving creep pulling the strings behind the plot.............. im onto u!!! i see the way you treat the kids you interact with! shigure sohma........... has a soft spot for kids, and acts as a genuine father figure for quite a few of them :))

we’ll go in increasing father figure order for a bit, for funsies. lets start with kisa and hiro! i’ll be honest, there’s not much of a relationship between these two and shigure; they dont seem to interact much, except when the kids visit tohru at his house. however, i can think of a few times when shigure has doted on kisa or teased hiro about being a kid, for seemingly no reason at all. he seems like an uncle to them, an image that is further reinforced when he gossips with hatori about the drama going on in their lives; kisa’s bullying, akito finding out about them, etcetera. i bet he buys them candy, the big softie <3

lets talk about shigure and kyo for a little bit! so, kyo HAS a clear father figure in his life: kazuma. as such, we don’t see shigure filling that role for him very often. the only times i can think of are very early on, before the true form arc and kazuma’s introduction. the key scene that comes to mind? when they talk about a chance that there is someone out there who might love kyo. that always seemed like a fatherly thing to say, to me, although shigure kind of ruined the effect by saying it as if it were a challenge or a tease. honestly? i kinda get the impression that these two dont really get along, however. other than yuki and kyo, these two fight more than anyone else in the house--just verbally, underhandedly, rather than physically. still, shigure is willing to talk to kyo about his life and take him to things like entrance tests, and thats more than you might expect from someone who ‘only cares about akito and himself,’ which is what i see his character reduced as a lot (and also the impression im sure he’d like us to see).

shigure and yuki......... holy shit. shigure is the first adult that yuki learns to trust, however sparingly, and i will stand by that. (yuki CERTAINLY doesnt trust his parents, for good reason; he’s on bad terms with his brother at the start of the story, and hatori has given him good reason not to trust him by erasing the memories of yuki’s friends. meanwhile, shigure is the one who took yuki out of the room with akito and gave him a place to live, no matter shigure’s intentions at the time.) i doubt yuki trusted shigure as an adult easily, or that shigure made it any easier for him; however, i fully believe these two spent a lot of time talking together before tohru came to the house, and probably after as well. shigure is the one who set the groundwork for yuki’s growth, however unintentionally, by taking him out of the main house. he’s the one who provided yuki with a safe place to live and a safe school to go to, and that shouldnt be underestimated.

but damn, does none of that hold a candle to shigure and tohru’s daddy daughter relationship. i dont give a shit about the jokes shigure makes “flirting” with her; this man cares about tohru like she’s his own daughter, no matter how he tries to hide it. he’s CONSTANTLY calling her cute, cheering her up, offering deep and profound advice, and gossiping with her when the angsty duo they live with are bringing the mood down. when she hears her grandfather has collapsed, he immediately recognizes that she’d have a hard time asking anyone else to go in her grandfather’s stead, and that her own family isn’t very reliable, so he takes the phone from her and immediately takes care of it for her, offering to go in her grandfather’s stead. when he overhears her anxieties about her future? he gives her some of the best, parental advice in the entire series. when he’s thinking about akito and all the drama he’s been putting into motion, he repeatedly indicates that hurting tohru is the one potential outcome of his plans that he might regret. he says he wishes he’d dreamed of someone like her, for crying out loud; he wishes he could focus on platonic relationships, that he could be a better man who could take care of the girl who sees him as a father. he loves her so damn much, and guess what? she loves him right back. because tohru had never in her life had a strong father figure in her life, not since katsuya died. she couldnt even consider his spirit as a father figure, because she resented him for what his death did to her mother. most of tohru’s friends growing up relied on her much more than she relied on them, including hana and uo in middle school. by the time kyoko died, tohru’s grandfather was at an age where he needed to be taken care of, and had to stay with her extended family--who doesnt care about her--instead of offering his support, no matter how he may have wanted to. when tohru started living with the sohmas, she was longing for a parental figure, but probably unable to accept one similar to her mother, due to grief; but shigure, so very different from her mother but still clearly caring for her, fit that bill perfectly. he has helped her time and time again, and their relationship is one of the most beautiful in the series, in my opinion.

thank you for listening to me ramble about daddy shigure :)

[tiffgeorgina]

fuck it black monday soulmate au

this one goes out to brit pricevore and that damn quote rt about hating soulmate aus. also to all the time i wasted in the shower last night thinking about this. brit if you’re reading this i have done my part. 

this fic is sponsored by the hyuna and LE collab that i cannot stop blasting. it’s called blacklist and it kind of invented music

-ok so im starting with mo and dawn because of fucking course i am

-mo spends like four years in prison starting from when he’s 20 or 21 or sum shit. around this time, dawn’s getting her MBA from northwestern. as soon as mo’s out of prison, jammer stakes the jammer group and hands majority ownership over to mo. alright so mo needs some employees he can’t do all this by himself. so he schedules an interview with dawn and meets her and realizes that this is His Soulmate. 

-im not really certain what the exact soulmate au would be for this because frankly i don’t care, i don’t want to get into that rn lol. but it’s something obvious and clear-cut, like seeing color for the first time when you make eye contact with your soulmate or smth. Actually i rly like that idea so im gonna roll with it. Fuck it you see color the first time the first time you touch your soulmate (i’ll get into the general implications of this some more later on, maybe after keith/mike’s part stay tuned xx) i love me some ambiguous soulmate aus but all the relationships in this show are ambiguous enough so i’ll pass in that regard this time. also in this universe, your soulmate isn’t necessarily regarded as your romantic partner for life. some conservatives/evangelists/fundamentalists/traditionalists will consider any marriage/sexual or romantic relationships with people other than your soulmate to be an abomination or w/e, and the 80s were pretty conservative, but they were also pretty weird, so a lot of people give zero fucks and will date/fuck/marry whoever. these people tend to regard soulmates as the most important person in your life, regardless of the nature of your relationship with them. some people’s soulmates are like a parent to them, and could never imagine being romantic/sexual with them. lots of people never meet their soulmates due to distance/death/etc. basically fate is not as all-knowing in this soulmate au as it is in some others. there is more to a long-lasting, successful romantic relationship than just love. back in the 40s or whatever, people would meet their soulmates and marry like two weeks later, never having had sex or a romantic relationship with anybody else, and then two days into the marriage they realize how devastatingly incompatible they are and the relationship crumbles under the strain of resentment and confusion within a year. people in the 80s have started to learn the lessons the people in the 40s never had time to figure out, so most people have some romantic/sexual experience before they meet their soulmate. besides, who wants to wait that long to have sex? not me tf

-ok back to the plot now that we got the background is down. mo and dawn meet and know they’re soulmates. so they get to know each other, but their main focus is work bc they’ve got a lot of work to do if they want to get anywhere. the company is young, dawn’s just out of school, and mo’s just out of prison. there’s a lot of ground to cover and they’re impatient asf to be rich and powerful. 

-the romance sort of happens naturally, given how much time they spend together, and they fall hard. they start dating, and when it’s great, it’s great. but when it’s bad, it’s fucking horrible. they’re both really underdeveloped as people (should i mention that they both literally just entered the workforce lol) and they just. can’t. get. along. 

-they hire some more people, like keith and yassir and wayne, and even they can tell that their relationship just sucks. they fight all the time over petty shit, and their fights always go way too far and never get properly resolved. sure, the sex is good and they want pretty similar futures (lots of money and no kids), but emotionally, in the short term, they are as incompatible as it gets. they have the same argument that they’ve had a gazillion times about promoting dawn to partner, but this time it goes a little too far. the things they say are a little too hurtful, and at this point, the relationship is a little too broken to salvage. they both know that when dawn storms out that night, it’s the last time. she moves out the next day.

-but she can’t really quit, can she? at this point she’s put in like three years of work at this place, and it’s moving up the ranks, and she’s head trader. she’s not taking a pay cut because she’s too immature to work with her ex-who-is-also-her-soulmate. so she sticks around. it’s a little awkward at first, but she and mo just come to an unspoken agreement that they’ll spend less time together and let themselves detach as much as possible, because at this point, a romantic relationship just seems so impossible, so why try? they can be each other’s most important person without being romantic partners, right? of course they can! Yeah, maybe they were just destined to be platonic soulmates. this will definitely work.

-so dawn meets this guy. his name is spencer. they hit it off right away too. of course, they’re much less compatible (in terms of long-term plans and all that, especially regarding having a family) than she and mo ever were, and the chemistry is nowhere near as electric, but at least they can have a conversation about something other than how much they hate the lehman brothers without screaming at each other. despite how much she knows she doesn’t love him like she still does used to love mo, she thinks she can live the rest of her life like this. they get engaged after dating for a year, and then married after a six month engagement period.

-mo stays single for about a decade or so. the most serious relationship he has isn’t even monogamous and it’s like, barely a year. he tells himself that he’s not looking for love, and he’s much happier to just sleep around and count his money and focus on that. everybody he ever talks to knows this is a bald-faced lie. they choose not to bring it up.

-(IM REALIZING HOW SIMILAR THIS IS TO THE CANON BACKSTORY/PLOT OF BLACK MONDAY IM SCREAMING SHGLKSDFHGLKSDRGHLS WHATEVER IM HAVING FUN) so mo and dawn are still working together and their relationship is... getting better. time heals all wounds right? well, not if you keep rubbing salt in the wound by literally working with your ex-who-is-also-your-soulmate and seeing them everyday. they know subconsciously that they could’ve been really fucking great, if only they hadn’t been such idiots in their 20s. but now that chance is gone, and they both just have to accept that. they still get into fights and shit, but it tends to be over much more superficial stuff. of course, people without fifteen years of history don’t get into screaming matches over tiny shit like they do. but that’s the territory of working with your ex-who-is-also-your-soulmate.

-so mo has this stupid fucking idea that he doesn’t even run by dawn before throwing $60 mil on it, because of course he does. so she has no choice but to go with it. they hire this kid, his name is blair, because they need him to pull this off. blair finds out that mo and dawn are soulmates who used to date but don’t anymore, and he’s really not even that surprised. of course, it’s weird to find out that your bosses whom you’re weirdly close to, who seem to hate each other, used to be in love and date and the whole nine yards and all that, but it makes a lot of sense.

-so they go off to the predator’s ball bc even rich people need money sometimes. you know that scene where they’re walking back to their rooms after that wild ass night, and mo’s like “you want to call it, or?” and dawn’s like “would if i could but im married” and then they get into a fight over collateral shares? fuck that scene entirely. let dawn find out about that 30% collateral shit like the next day or some shit idfc. instead, dawn’s just a smidge drunker than she was in canon, or maybe she was thinking more clearly than she has in a while, and she just fuckin goes for it. she kisses him, and of course he kisses her, and they... sleep in the same room that night. lmfao you know what i mean. and so starts this sort of friends/business-partners-with-benefits thing. 

-they are next level awkward when they get back to NYC, and blair and keith notice the fuck out of it. they aren’t exactly on speaking terms, so they don’t bring it up to each other, but fuck if they don’t bitch about to their respective soulmates (which i will get into)

-dawn feels soooo guilty it’s unreal. But she rationalizes the hell out of it. Her relationship with spencer has a textbook dead bedroom (which is actually sort of canon), and she signed up for monogamy, not celibacy. it’s not her first example of fucked up morals for sleeping with somebody other than her husband, anyways; there are worse things she can do (and has done) than cheat. It’s not fair that he gets to have all the sex he wants while she has to suffer in silence. So she keeps hooking up with mo even if it’s the worst thing she could do for her relationship with him (and her relationship with spencer, who doesn’t even know that she’s met her soulmate, let alone that her soulmate is her fuckin business partner [canon divergent, spencer does not find out about her and mo in 1x02])

-mo feels guilty in theory but really he’s just happy to be with dawn again in some way. They’re never in dawn’s apartment, so there’s no chance they can ever be caught ever. This is fine. They are fine.

-as one can expect, they are not fine and spencer notices dawn acting differently. Eventually she has a couple drinks one night and the guilt overwhelms her so she ends up coming clean. Safe to say she and spencer get that divorce.

-around this time, mo is telling blair about the georgina play, and blair is telling him to go fuck himself. Also around this time, tiff is getting kidnapped.

-dawn immediately suspects that mo did some stupid shit when she finds out mo told blair everything. So she goes to find him, only to find him at his lake house, spreading ashes. After he tells her he knows nothing of tiff’s kidnapping and he’s spreading the ashes of a friend, she relaxes and they spend the night together, just talking over all the shit they’ve been through. They don’t have sex that night, but they feel what they used to feel when they were together 15 years ago.

-in the middle of the night, blair calls dawn in a blind panic, talking about how tiff’s parents arranged her kidnapping for the press without telling her. Blair says, “Let’s you and me run the georgina play. That’s right, i know you knew, you’re too smart not to” and dawn says “no.” she doesn’t give excuses or anything, she puts her foot down because she will not let this kid she’s known for barely a year convince her to fuck up the most fulfilling relationship she’s ever had as soon as they get to a good place again. She tells him she’ll run the play with him, but it’s not gonna be against mo. either all three of them are fucked with mo and dawn $60 mil in the hole and blair out of a job, or all three of them can be filthy rich and successful. That’s the deal. Blair says he’ll call her back tomorrow.

-the next morning, mo and dawn are talking on the doorstep, and mo brings up the georgina play and how the kid fuckin hates him now, and there’s no chance of pulling off the play bc he quit. Dawn’s like “yeah, about that… we need to schedule a meeting with him” and mo’s like “what for?” and dawn’s like “i spoke to him last night, his fiancée’s kidnapping was a sham that her parents pulled off and he might be in the right headspace to fuck them over right around now” and mo’s like “holy shit you miracle worker” and they make out and when they walk back into the office, they’re hand in hand. 

-they call blair into the office and they basically just yell at each other for three hours. Keith, yassir, wayne, and ronnie do not know what is going on and frankly they are too afraid to ask. Eventually, they reach an agreement: blair will pull hand over 6% of georgina jeans in exchange for 20% of the jammer group, and another 25% to dawn (after they use blair’s algorithm to grab that last 30% from the lehmans). They shake on it, but none of them leave happy.

-blair’s not exactly happy to fuck over his parents-in-law, and mo isn’t happy to lose majority control of his own company. Dawn lucked out, gaining more power and losing little in the play, but her relationship with both of them is so on-the-rocks that she can’t imagine upholding a business partner relationship with them. This is gonna go so great after blair gets married in *checks watch* like two months.

-so blair gets married and the georgina play is a thing that happens (successfully might i add) and everything is kind of shitty because there are at least two relationships to repair here, and one that’s coming back from the dead. But little by little, they all get to a better place until they’re more or less back at where they were before mo told blair everything and they were all just friends except this time mo and dawn are dating xx

-WHEW and that is that on that. And by that on that i mean that on mo/dawn for this au. Dw im gonna get to blair/tiff and mike/keith and im super excited to write those too but i’ll make sure to put those in a separate post because i don’t think tumblr could handle a +7000 word post lmfao (since this post is nearly 2500 words jesus christ)

-i hoped y’all liked reading this as much as i loved writing it!! Again i love feedback and i read everything y’all say in the tags so please put stuff in the tags bc i love that shit!! Gn xx

[atlasfms]

            um  Hello  ,  i  love  u  guys  ,    &    i’m  so  excited  for  this  re - vamp   &     getting  to  write  with  u  all  again  ❤️  for  u  lovely  new  members  ,  i’m  lina    &    my  schedule  is  a  Mess  rn  so  i’ll  be  in    &    out  on  my  days  off  until  it  hopefully  straightens  out  again  ,    &    this  is  my  babe  atlas    !    for  y’all  who  already  know  him  ,  he’s  a  little  more  messy    &    trashy  than  before  soooo  it’s  gonna  be  fun    !    if  anyone  would  like  2  plot  pls  press that  lil  heart  or  hit  up  my  im’s    !

a NEELS VISSER lookalike was strolling down broadway street in their air jordan 1’s. atlas deniro just had a birthday bash for his twenty-second birthday. he has been living in new york city for twenty years. i hear he tends to be heedless at parties, but also kind of beguiling. ( cismale & he/him )

TRIGGERS  ;  DRUG  OVERDOSE  ,  DEATH    &    CANCER  .

━━━    ›    BASICS    \

NAME  ;  atlas    (    to  carry    )    nathaniel    (    gift  of  god    )    arthur    (    noble    ;    courageous    )    deniro    (    notably  people  with  dark  or  black  hair    )  .

NICKNAMES  ;  ace  ,  atty  ,  pain  in  the  ass  .

AGE  ;  twenty - two  .

BIRTHDAY  ;  december  third  .

ZODIAC  ;  saggitarius  .

GENDER  ;  male  .

PRONOUNS  ;  he    &    him  .

NATIONALITY  ;  american  .

ETHNICITY  ;  english  ,  italian  .

LABEL(S)  ;  the  jocular  ,  the  libertine  ,  the  lothario  .

OCCUPATION  ;  model    &    singer

NETWORTH  ;  25  mill    ?

PROS  ;  athletic  ,  challenging  ,  charming  ,  curious  ,  daring  ,  debonair  ,  faithful  ,  forthright  ,  fun - loving  ,  humourous  ,  invulnerable  ,  passionate  ,  perserverant  ,  playful  ,  protective  ,  sociable  ,  spontaneous  ,  witty  .

CONS  ;  abrasive  ,  arrogant  ,  blunt  ,  careless  ,  clumsy  ,  compulsive  ,  conceited  ,  deceitful  ,  destructive  ,  devious  ,  disobedient  ,  egocentric  ,  greedy  ,  ignorant  ,  meddlesome  ,  narcissistic  ,  obnoxious  ,  provocative  ,  reckless  ,  troublesome  ,  unstable  ,  vindictive  .

━━━    ›    HISTORY    \

            aldo  nathaniel  arthur  deniro  was  destined  for  greatness  .  everyone  knew  it    ;    hell  ,  even  the  biggest  ceo’s  in  new  york  were  shaking  in  their  boots  at  the  thought  of  what  this  young  man  was  capable  of  .  he  was  a  dead - ringer  for  his  father  ,  with  his  light  hair    &    bright  blue  eyes  ,  he  had  looks  ,  charms  ,    &    a  good  head  on  his  shoulders  .    &    like  his  father  ,  he  knew  what  he wanted                the  family  business  .  but  first  ,  he  had  to  go  to  college  .    &    only  ivy  league  would  do  for  the  son  of  one  of  the  world’s  richest  ceo’s  .

            columbia  university  was  highly  prestigious  ,  private  ,    &    the  fifth  chartered  institution  of  higher  learning  in  the  united  states  .  besides  ,  it’s  business  school  was  one  of  the  oldest  in  the  world  ,  so  what  more  could  the  future  owner  of  the  family  company  want    ?    in  this  instance  ,  a  girlfriend  ,  but  he  didn’t  know  it  yet  .  when  nathaniel  met  scarlett  baccouche  ,  daughter  of  two  british  politicians  ,  they  didn’t  exactly  get  off  with  the  best  start                they  hated  each  other  ,  in  fact  .  but  what  was  once  hate  turned  into  an  epic  love  story    &    after  they  graduated  ,  they  got  married  .  not  long  after  that  ,  they  had  their  first  child  .

            their  daughter  was  a  stunner  ,  like  her  parents  .  the  news  was  celebrated  all  over  the  world  ,    &    when  aldo’s  father  retired  the  company  into  his  hands  ,  things  just  seemed  to  get  better  .  scarlett  had  a  successful  acting  career  ,  starring  in  a  hit  tv  show  that  seemed  to  be  getting  more  recognised  every  day  .  their  lovely  maid  ,  diane  took  care  of  their  daughter  on  the  days  they  could  not  ,    &    everything  was  pretty  much  perfect  .  they  had  a  huge  property  near  the  coast  of  the  hamptons  ,    &    at  some  point  they  were  ready  to  expand  their  family  .  so  in  early  march  ,  tests  comfirmed  the  news                scarlett  was  pregnant  with  twins.  on  the  third  of  december  1997  ,  atlas  nathaniel  arthur  deniro    &    his  twin  sister  were  born  ,  only  5  minutes  apart  .

            everyone  celebrated    ;    the  family  ,  friends  ,  even  supporters  of  the  notorious  family  .  his  hair  was  fair    &    there  were  arguments  over  whether  his  eyes  were  hers  or  his  father’s  .  but  since  he  was  born  ,  the  main  question  was  whether  he’d  follow  in  his  father’s  footsteps  or  his  mother’s  .  would  he  give  the  family  company  a  modern  twist    ?    would  he  be  this  generation’s  brad  pitt    &    be  the  star  of  hit  blockbusters  in  upcoming  years    ?    people  were excited  ,  but  atlas  wasn’t  .  he  was  nowhere  near  it  .

            the  deniro  household  had  it’s  challenges  .  they  seemed  like  the  perfect  family  unit  ,    &    perhaps  they  were  ,  but  aldo    &    scarlett  had  other  ideas  .  they  were  quite  strict  in  raising  their  children  ,  teaching  them  to  never  slouch  ,  to  use  your  manners  ,  to  keep  up  a  perfect  reputation  .  it  wasn’t  the  family  name  that  was  at  stake  ,  but  also  their  future  ,  because  like  everyone  else  in  the  world  expected  ,  they  wanted  their  children  to  grow  up    &    take  over  one  of  their  careers  ,    &    they  groomed  them  to  do  just  that  .  atlas  hated  it  .

            he  hated  the  daily  tutors  supplied  by  his  father  ,  lessons  in  business    &    the  history  of  the  family’s  .  he  despised  the  acting  classes  his  mother  forced  him  to  take  ,  ones  which  he’d  often  skip  out  on  but  then  would  get  into  trouble  once  his  parents  found  out  .  he  felt  trapped    ;   forced  to  do  things  he  grew  to  loathe  .  to  him  ,  it  was  obvious  that  he  could  do  neither  of  the  things  his  parents  wanted  him  to  do  .  so  the  more  they  pushed  ,  the  more  he  pulled  away  .  he  started  to  feel  less  like  their  son  but  a  puppet  whose  strings  they  kept  pulling  .

            what  he  didn’t  hate  ,  though  ,  was  the  feeling  if  his  fingers  on  guitar  strings  ,  singing  in  the  shower  because  that  was  the  only  place  he  could  sing  without  his  parents  complaining  about  him  making  a  noise  .  diane  would  often  smile  at  him  after  they  chastise  him    &    quietly  compliment  him  on  his  voice  ,  telling  him  he’d  do  great  things  one  day  .  of  course  ,  he  already  knew  this  .  his  music  teacher  told  him  once  that  he  could  sing  the  birds  to  silence  .

            school  was  enjoyable  ,  as  it  goes  .  all  deniro  children  were  educated  in  a  private  school ,    &    although  he  was  close  to  his  sisters  ,  he  made  friends  easily  .  he  had  a  charming  smile    &    witt  that  only  few  would  understand  ,  he  was  the  sort  of  kid  who  got  along  with  anyone  ,  but  he  couldn’t  consider  any  of  them  to  be  close  friends  .  so  whereas  to  them  he  looked  happy  ,  he  was  quite  the  opposite    ;    atlas  eventually  got  tired  of  his  parents  controlling  his  life  so  instead  of  keeping  up  his  otherwise  impeccable  reputation  ,  he  started  to  rebel  .

            he  didn’t  really  do  a  lot  at  first  .  snuck  out  to  a  few  parties  ,  stayed  out  later  than  his  curfew  allowed  him  to  .  did  the  opposite  of  everything  his  parents  wanted  him  to  do  ,  be  that  going  to  the  classes  they  arranged  for  him  or  behave  himself  in  general  .  he  just  wanted  to  live  his  own  life  ,  do  what  he  wanted  .  he  wanted  to  focus  on  his  music    &    follow  a  path  that  he  knew  he  would  enjoy  .  so  he  decided  he’d  do  just  that  ,    &    for  a  while  he  felt  a  little  glimpse  of  what  being  truly  happy  felt  like  .

            however  in  high  school  ,  atlas  got  involved  with  the  wrong  crowd  .  they  introduced  him  to  a  world  he  had  yet  to  really  experience    ;    a  world  full  of  alcohol  ,  sex  ,  drugs  ,    &    general  trouble  .  he  knew  he  shouldn’t  have  stuck  around  it  ,  but  it  was  addicting  .  it  was  so  unlike  the  restrained  life  he  grew  up  with  ,  that  he  jumped  right  into  it    &    found  himself  unable  to  get  out  of  .  there  was  more  to  it  ,  though  .  the  more  he  rebelled  the  more  people  started  to  notice  him  .  how  structured  his  jawline  was  ,  how  illuminated  his  eyes  were  under  any  light  .

            atlas  hadn’t  really  had  an  interest  in  social  media  before  .  of  course  ,  he  had  an  instagram  account  that  he  barely  used  ,    &    didn’t  really  start  using  until  someone  mentioned  he  should  start  modelling  .  sure  ,  they  were  joking  but  atlas  actually  considered  it    &    started  posting  pictures  of  himself  .  his  following  plummeted  ,    &    in  the  november  of  his  sophomore  year  he  was  scouted  a  modeling  agency    &    became  one  of  vogue’s  most  promising  talents  .

            his  career  exploded  from  then  on  ,    &    so  did  his  popularity  .  he  met  people  he  would  never  have  had  the  chance  to  meet  otherwise  ,  more  specifically  someone  called  jason  .  the  pair  quickly  became  good  friends  ,  they  went  to  the  same  school  so  it  was  convenient  .  jason  acted  as  a  good  influence  on  atlas  but  atlas  acted  like  a  bad  influence  on  him  ,  dragging  him  into  the  world  he  found  himself  stuck  in  which  is  when  things  started  going  downhill  .  jason  grew  a  little  too  accustomed  to  narcotics  ,  but  at  first  atlas  didn’t  notice  .  he  wasn’t  really  one  to  talk  ,  anyway  .

            one  night  the  boys  headed  to  los  angeles  to  celebrate  their  upcoming  graduation  ,    &    before  going  for  a  night  out  they  decided  to  have  pre - drinks  in  their  hotel  room    &    started  popping  pills  .  atlas  didn’t  really  see  how  many  jason  took  ,  but  before  he  could  warn  him  it  was  already  too  late  .  everything  else  from  that  night  was  a  blur  of  blue  flashing  lights    &    a  lot  of  strangers  shouting  out  medical  terms  he  didn’t  understand  .  the  only  thing  he  really  remembered  from  that  night  were  the  words  ‘ he’s  dead ’  .    &    an  overwhelming  feeling  that  it  was  his  fault  .

            the  tragedy  of  jason’s  death  left  atlas  in  a  state  of  seclusion  .  he  spent  three  solid  months  alone  in  his  room  ,  blaming  himself  for  what  happened  ,  but  he  didn’t  stop  the  drugs  .  if  anything  ,  he  used  them  as  an  escapism  ,    &    when  his  parents  gave  him  an  ultimatum    :    rehab  or  college  ,  he  chose  the  latter  .  he  enrolled  in  columbia    &    took  up  the  same  business  course  his  father  did  .  for  the  first  month  ,  he  was  bitter  ,  cold  to  everyone  ,  would  barely  talk  if  he  could  help  it  .

            but  some  of  his  old  school  friends  went  to  the  same  college  as  him  ,    &    atlas  started  to feel  more  like  himself  again    (    or  a  version  of  himself  that  felt  similar  to  what  he  was  before    )    &    tried  to  forget  jason    &    everything  that  happened  .  his  parents  has  covered  up  the  death  so  atlas  wasn’t  related  to  it  ,  a  cleverly  articulated  plan  to  keep  it  out  of  the  papers  .  but  that  didn’t  stop  the  questions  ,  which  atlas  would  quickly  divert  in  order  to  forget  .  he  had  to  forget  .

            he  didn’t  .  jason  was  his  friend  ,    &    one  of  the  few  people  who  truly  understood  him  .  jason  always  believed  in  atlas’s  music  ,  so  it  only  felt  right  that  he  returned  to  him  .  if  not  for  himself  ,  then  for  the  memory  of  his  late  friend  .  so  he  dropped  out  of  college  ,  found  himself  a  management    &    started  writing  songs  ,  composing  music  .  at  first  it  was  difficult    ;    every  time  he  sang  a  song  or  played  a  tune  ,  he’d  remember  jason  .  but  after  time  he  eased  into  it  ,  dropped  out  of  college  ,    &    has  been  working  on  his  first  album  ever  since  .

            atlas  became  an  all  together  different  person  .  he  became  manipulative  ,  deceitful  ,  partying  every  night  to  erase  the  memory  of  that  night  like  it  would  somehow  go  away  ,  but  it  didn’t  .  every  time  he’d  close  his  eyes  ,  he’d  see  his  lifeless  friend  ,  so  he’d  stop  closing  them  . he’d  spend  nights  in  a  stranger’s  bed  ,  only  to  leave  in  the  middle  of  the  night  .  he’d  drink  away  the  pain    &    swallow  down  the  guilt  that  was  threatening  to  swallow  him  alive  .

            what  atlas  doesn’t  know  ,  though  ,  is  a  secret  his  parents  are  keeping  from  him  .  in  early january  this  year  ,  his  father  was  diagnosed  with  localised  prostate  .  after  the  loss  of  jason  ,  atlas  became  distant  from  his  parents    &    they  didn’t  want  to  burden  him  with  the  news  due  to  him  only  just  getting  back  to  his  normal  self  after  the  trauma  of  losing  his  best  friend  .

━━━    ›    PERSONALITY    \

            outwardly  ,  atlas  appears  to  be  quite  content  .  he  can  start  a  conversation  with  anyone  ,  act  like  he’s  interested  but  then  three  minutes  later  he’ll  get  bored    &    move  onto  the  next  thing that  interests  him  .  he  likes  staying  busy    &    preoccupied  ,  thinking  that  if  he  keeps  his  mind  busy  ,  he  won’t  think  about  the  past  .  it’s  for  that  reason  that  it’s  hard  to  tell  what  he’s  actually  thinking  ,  unless  you  know  him  really  well  or  are  good  at  reading  people  .

            he  can  be  very  cynical  ,  a  trait  that  he’s  carried  since  he  was  young  but  he  was  better  at hiding  it  then  ,  now  he  really  does  not  care  .  at  first  it  mattered  to  him  what  people  thought  ,  now  he  couldn’t  care  less  .  he  does  what  he  wants  when  he  wants  ,  often  not  thinking  about  the  consequences  of  his  actions    &    then  dealing  with  them  later  .  it’s  for  this  reason  that  he  can  be  quite  manipulative  ,  using  his  charms  to  get  what  he  wants    (    or  who  he  wants    )    to  serve  as  a  distraction  .

            he  can  be  quite  brutal  abiut  his  opinions  ,  learning  a  long  time  ago  that  holding  your  tongue  won’t  benefit  you  at  all  so  he  basically  just  says  what  he  wants  .  but  ,  he  doesn’t  really  answer  questions  directly  ,  especially  if  they’re  personal  .  he’ll  more  likely  change  the  subject  or  divert  the  question  to  someone  else    &    act  like  he  was  the  one  who  asked  the  question  in  the  first  place  .

        atlas  is  very  reckless    &    will  literally  do  anything  for  a  good  time  ,  be  that  getting  so  drunk his  face  hits  the  floor  ,  or  so  high  he  forgets  his  own  name  ,  or  to  even  cliff  diving  so  he  can  get  some  form  a  thrill  .  if  someone  tells  him  he  can’t  do  something  ,  he’ll  go  out  of  his  way  to  prove  them  wrong  .  he’s  incredibly  stubborn    &    has  a  tendency  to  let  people’s  words  go  through  one  ear    &    out  of  the  other  .

━━━    ›    FUN  FACTS    \

he’s  honestly  such  a  lil  shit  tbh    ??    idk  how  else  to  describe  him

he’s  a  vegetarian    &    has  been  since  he  was  eight  bc  he  watched  this  documentary  once    &    was  Distraught

his  vc  is  bazzi  bc  if  u  don’t  know  how  much  i  lov  him  r  we  even  friends

he  has  a  dog  called  bloomer    &    he’s  his  literal  son  ,  like  his  actual  child

he  still  lives  in  his  huge  ass  penthouse  so  if  anyone  wants  2  be  his  roommate  that’s  a  plot  for  u

atlas  is  literally    ??    such  a  fuckboy    ??    but  he  denies  it    &    says  he’s  just  charming  ,  when  rly  he’s  a  lil  bitch

a  dramatic  hoe  who  lives  for  drama  but  is  100%  the  sort  who  will  run  away  if  it  gets  too  much  bc  he’s  a  mess

when  he’s  dedicated  to  something  ,  be  it  a  subject  or  a  relationship  ,  he’s  completely  faithful  which  is  v  surprising

adores  his  fans    &    will  actually  do  anything  for  them  ,  has  been  known  to  punch  out  a  security  guard  or  two  so  he  can  get  to  them

fun  fact  once  he  got  arrested  for  racing  on  private  property

another  fun  fact  is  he  loves  cars  so  pls  do  not  touch  his  bbies  thank  u

he  might  seem  all  fine    &    dandy  but  he’s  on  the  verge  of  a  mental  breakdown  but  won’t  admit  it

gets  drunk  ,  high  ,    &    hooks  up  with  strangers  on  the  regular

he’s  fluent  in  italian    &    has  a  HUGE  italian  family

atlas  can  come  across  as  being  ignorant    &    self - absorbed  ,  but  he’s  actually  really  observant    &    notices  everything

is  100%  the  sort  of  ‘ fall  in  love  with  the  moment    &    think  you’re  in  love  with  the  girl ’  type  of  guy  but  it  lasts  for  like  2  seconds  bc  he’s  fickle

speaking  of  fickle  ,  he’s  had  many  relationships  that  haven’t  lasted  that  long  bc  he  can’t  decide  what  he  wants  from  one  minute  to  the  next

[saintkimora]

ok so i have lots of things to say so im just gonna put it all in one post. its how school has been going, how my relationship w caleb is going, my rpdr pre season rankings, my thoughts on bbcan5 even though i havent watched a single episode, and my progress in botw

so first its school. so i literally failed my orgo test yesterday. i gave up on the last 2 synthesis questions bc i just didnt know what to do so thats like 30 points off right there. i most likely got this other synthesis and a mechanism question wrong so honestly i prob got like a 50. he drops the lowest test grade so i just need to step it up after this but like...rip. i studied but i got all the reactions and reagents and stuff mixed up in my head bc theres so many different things yet theyre all super similar so i just couldnt keep the information straight. so rip to my gpa this semester i guess

today sociology was cancelled so i just had psych and anatomy. i fell asleep in psych and anatomy was boring 

so today i had a date w caleb and it was v nice. BUT he asked if we could bring leeann along again!!! like wtf its been not even a week since that disaster of a date and you already want to bring her again??? like he really just does not get it smh but i said yes bc i didnt want him to think i was being difficult. luckily she was busy so she couldnt come anyways

we had lots of fun in the park! he like undid my jeans and started playing w my dick while we were sitting on some concrete block and it felt like i was in one of those porn videos that take place in the woods or something. there was like no one else there obv

he did say one thing that really got me pissed though. and i didnt think too much of it at the time like i was kinda :/ but then when i got home and thought about it some more i got a little upset about it. he called me on the phone to talk as usual and i told him about it and he felt really bad about it. he didnt think much of it in the moment but after i told him it bothered me i could tell he felt really bad and honestly? good! i hope he did feel bad about it bc he was being a dick for absolutely no reason

also i found out the stuff with alex! and like its so weird bc caleb has previous interactions with like 4/6 of the other guys ive been with. so ya apparently they both worked at mpowerment together and caleb just didnt like him lol. so today alex sent me a friend request on fb and followed me on insta bc he found both bc hes friends with/follows caleb on both things. and caleb posted a pic of me on insta w a bf goal type quote but once again it was NOT a good picture of me!!! i looked sooooooo pale bc of the lighting and my facial expression idek 

so i saw alex liked the pic and THEN tonight during our phone call caleb told me that alex messaged him on fb asking if him and i were together and caleb was like yeah and alex didnt respond so caleb asked why he was asking and alex just replied with “...” like he really is cracked! idk if hes like offended or something but like idk why he would think he has any chance with me after ive literally ignored like at least 10 total texts/messages/etc from him! like smh every time i think hes finally given up he tries to come back into my life like it was a one night thing stay away! *naomi campbell/naomi smalls voice* check your asshole before you come and talk to me

so yeah. that all w that. caleb wants to take me to the movies on saturday for our next date. but also another issue im starting to have is that caleb is starting to talk a LOT about eating my ass and fucking which is getting on my nerves bc i told him that it will be a while before we get to fucking and he keeps bringing it up its like being w freddy all over again

anyways. heres my final rpdr s9 pre season rankings

KIMORA >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> aja > shea >>>>> valentina > eureka > peppermint > alexis > nina > jaymes > trinity > sasha = farrah > charlie

literally the only 3 i actually like and am interested in are the first 3. valentina i dont like that much but i feel like im gonna end up ironically liking her. the middle ones idc and sasha farrah and charlie get on my nerves. alexis was in my top 3 when the cast was first revealed but after seeing some other stuff on her idk i dont think i like her. aja moved up to second bc shes funny on twitter. kimora is my fave obv. shea i like but im kinda worried shes gonna get a boring edit

and now for bbcan5! the only bbcan season ive seen is 3 but i am officially team ika and gary! idk which one i like more but those are my top 2. sindy is 3rd karen is 4th and i guess cass is 5th. i didnt like her on s4 but from what ive seen this season i think i like her. idc about the rest. tbh i dont plan to watch a single episode i just want ika gary or sindy to win 

now for zelda botw. i just finished the vah medoh quest. so i have 2/4 divine beasts done and im going for the gerudo one next. im just hoping to finally find some cute armor in the gerudo town bc i am sick of only finding ugly clothes! for the map i think i just need 1 more tower to finish it. i also killed my first guardian today which was satisfying but not really bc i didnt even know what i was doing bc it all happened to fast lol. ive also been kinda reckless w my horses bc i wanna see what happens in one dies but they are resilient! my horse accidentally got hit w the blast from a bomb arrow when i was trying to hunt and it caught on fire and still survived! i dont wanna straight up kill it bc thats weird but i want one of these horses to die already! i feel like it would add some drama. so ya my main focus rn is just exploring while slowly doing the divine beast quests

[shortywiththebuttons]

This bouta be one long ass typo filled vent.

First and and foremost I just added HELLA people specifically People from my African diaspora on this. I’ve had it since high school so 2010 I’m in University now . nice to meet you all 🤷🏿‍♀️✊🏿😝 my name is Ro . I’m super open to conversation questions whatever.

I added mad people because I organize ,politically im no pro or anything,I don’t even know what I’m doing 1/2 the time I just do what’s in my heart and he’ll I guess every small step I make makes a difference.

I’m currently in the process of getting a sexual assault resource center built in Isla Vista California which is an unincorporated area behind the University of California Santa Barbara ...I want all contractors to be from marganilized backgrounds and ultimately I’m gonna have this project be a community collective.itll be a long term project and it’s currently in the beginning stages and the meetings are going well but given I attend a PWI I’d like outside support and more energy from my people to continuously push for this to be created . Scrolling my page you’ll kinda see the shit I’ve been dealing with and where this comes from. However I’m currently slowing down THIS video BELOW ...making it onger and more detailed

https://youtu.be/c-yKepzDwzY

But editing is depressing triggering and frustrating and I’m on some Kevin gates Aint shit gone make me sad today type stuff so it’s not going well. I currently just need to add audio to the lengthened version and I’ll be fine to share it.. But audio means watching it and choosing a song and perfect timing so yeah...I hate reliving the stuff .but eh I hope you like the video I’ll post the update ASAP . I actually move out of CA soon APRIL so it’ll be before I leave to embark on this random traveling experience I have planned 👌🏿🙆🏿‍♀️

My main goal socially is to be as real and open as possible up until around May 2017 I was mad timid to speak up but once the shit happened it just did .

(I was drugged and raped by someone who knew me and was invited over and nah he wasn’t white he was in our diaspora. Despite being on video drugging me ,admitting I wasn’t conscious during his acts and all this other sick shit that is in the video posted as well as the slowed down version...Santa Barbara did not TOUCH THIS SICK FUCK . Specifically he lived on the same street as the foot patrol and they never even went to question him . Never went over evidence so never caught the drugging I had to analyze my own evidence see my drugging send it in turn in all physical evidence myself because she never went to the crime scene and some more dumb shot . He’s on surveillance pushing me into my house because I can’t move and he’s also on surveillance attempting to touch me and I fight back . He admits I bit him in resistance and bleh I’m getting trigger ...well look they had all of this PLUS WAY MORE evidence and nothing 🤷🏿‍♀️ .. the gag is until I had a sit in months after my rape we FINALLY got a sexual assault detective on Isla Vista ..THIS MEANS WE NEVER HAD ONE THEREFORE THE PERSON WHO WAS ON MY CASE WAS NOT A DETECTIVE TRAINED IN SEXUAL ASSAULTS. That’s why he did shit ass backwards and didn’t get evidence or blah blah . He did a pretext for a confession and still didn’t make an arrest or attempt to question this rapist . So I had to go public . 😒

The system did me even grimier and in addition so did the African men I spent a lot of my time around before this incident who just happened to be the idiot rapists housemates . The story is actually pretty sick.

Like niggas was like” we weren’t really friends like that “ “you just met is” and some more shit ,but drove or rode in my car got they hair done by me niggas cooked together went wherever niggas dead ass all ran together the only difference was I’m a female and I was the one who was drugged and raped . Lol I knew that house a good 5 months . And when you serving 4 years in college that’s a long time especially when y’all all seeing one another tops 5 days a week . But it’s cool lol I swear that shit happened and fucked my mind up for a while . Until I got over the fact that Im a protector , I’m used to protecting people . Even after being raped I tried to protect this individual from the system but seeing myself be drugged in my house as someone sickly plots and has all the sickest reasons as to why ..

I had Inglewood out there and we ain’t lay a finger on ANYONE and EVERYONE WAS HOME and available but I wasn’t trying to see anything happen .protector ...some call it dumb ... but honestly any reaction that would’ve deviated from what I did up to now would chance my current circumstance ...and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t fine RN. 🤷🏿‍♀️ ptsd depression here and there but honestly IVE BEEN KICKINGASS , saving and changing lives as well as I don’t have any fuck people around me . It’s so easy for me to cut people off now and keep people I feel ANY KINDOF way about away from me ...and I’m more open basically I PROTECT ME MORE AND ...that’s what’s great for me ...so I needed it all to get where I am so eh.

A: I don’t forgive or have any care for the person who drugged and raped me . That’s the only place I didn’t grow . People say I should work on that ...I literally have dreams of killing him though so eh🤷🏿‍♀️ it’s the whole premeditated buying a drug putting it in a drink and handing it to me at the specific time I was distracted and the entire plot really . Walking me in public drugged to make you seem like a saviors and saying you noticed it hit 😒 staying after raping me , like moving my body from a living room to my room like dragging me or whatever the fuck you dieting afterward and only moving after I post the video publicly like you really wanted to live your life regular as a rapist after attempting to ruin mine . In all honesty as you said your first thought was you thought the drug was going to alter my feeling for you and make me like you ..it only knocked me unconscious and inhabited my brain from having any memory and you stilllllll decided to be sick . .

-the best thing for me is I have no memory of being raped , I don’t even have a memory of me leaving the house only waking up and asking all the questions I had getting the answers I needed and reporting so that’s why I’m so open about it ....it hits a sensitive spot as far as anger and disgust but I would literally be dead if I was conscious or aware of the encounter .

Alll of that I added in the end it was the vent I guess .)

and yeah . Whatever so socially I’m tryna educate Africans not to feel obligated to be a savior but to look out when shit like this happens. Because not reacting not doing anything and really any thing else

I never asked anyone to pick sides , never asked anyone for help. But acting like you ain’t know someone you seen on a daily and being fearful or whatever it’s not and never was that deep. I don’t see how anyone has a mother and can let or be aiight with shit like this happeneing and not be proactive .

But I’m alive you’ll see from my blog that worse shit has happened since then and even before . so I focus my pain elsewhere and my energy into activism and advocacy. Shit no one handed to me when I needed t most ✊🏿☝🏿

http://endrapeoncampus.org/centering-the-margins

Here’s my story

http://www.theburningspear.com/2017/12/RoShawndra-VS-the-University-of-California-Santa-Barbara

It’s also more stories about whatever white people wanna say about me in Santa Barbara newspapers and my case and what I’m doing , but this is the one I approve of because it was written in the Burning spear and this is such a monumental and important news paper in our community so yeah.✊🏿❤️ I really love US.

Periodically I post videos call campaigns calls to join political organizations (that are grassroot orgs and funded by our people) and yeah that’s basically my public professional appeal. I use a lot of profanity idk why but yeah I curse like a sailor I was introduced to grown folk conversations at a young age cursing was apart of my male dominated upbringing so 🤷🏿‍♀️ shiiiit I just curse a lot from time to time .

I’m a member of the African National Women’s org. Or ANWO and we’re an organization that was created by request less than half a decade ago to bring African women into the political atmosphere. Our one goal is FREEDOM . UHURU to any comrades or future comrades reading this , I hope in your daily struggles you see the symptoms of colonialism and mobilize to dismantle this colonial system .

I have NOT AND DONT PLAN on watching black panther . It’s not apart of my agenda rn but If my job requires me to take my residents to the movies it’ll probably happen ...I’ll get to the job stuff later. . Basically from my current understanding the villain in the film had “political views” similar to Malcolm or Huey or Marcus Garvey and it should be known by us ALL THAT THESE MEN WERE ONLY AEEN AS VILLIANS HISTORICALLY BY WHITE SUPREMACIST AND COLONIZERS AS WELL AS THOSE COLONIZED PEOPLE WHO REFUSED TO RESIST ...so I’m not spending a dry penny or sitting in a theatre to watch some bull shit . Wakanda must fall dear . THERE is no freedom in a colonial system and we can’t move with our colonizers PERIOD. We have been tricked throughout history into being complacent and waiting on an European created GOD to come save us and give us our Paradise in death. Therefore we accept what we shouldn’t and given I’m not about to be apart of that complacent movement ...(ps I’m a religious studies major) I decide I’m going to struggle and win. Period ✊🏿

https://youtu.be/LIQioGRD1Sw

White folks need to pay reparations so yeah share this link also if you don’t mind

https://www.uhurusolidarity.org/

White solidarity with black power 💕

Some talks/events I’ve participated in or held

https://www.pscp.tv/w/bVfPFDFQWEVkbWVCWU9iUWV8MWRqeFhkZ2RiUEx4WpjQiVNCw8SGGbKJP7IkRiwM1SuoQnT-Oar94sFnraqo

https://www.pscp.tv/w/bVfPjzFQWEVkbWVCWU9iUWV8MVJER2xuVkVhbWd4TBAgTafg3086N-ST4efXtgBbzFU6VOSI9yuHJ4V1dmE8

https://www.pscp.tv/w/bVfPzTFQWEVkbWVCWU9iUWV8MW5BS0VXblZNUmxKTClihPl8eVewKBG7TwSC2FcIZkc0BiJcYgkAkLrQX_7Z