yaz and jack drive me insane. not in the ship way, but jack, never flirting with yaz but immediately taking her under his wing. jack, who never told torchwood anything, just casually inviting yaz to see his hometown, where he lost his brother. jack, who knows that the doctor leaving yaz is inevitable, counselling her on how its worth it, and essentially making future plans. jack, who picked how yaz felt immediately, even when the Doctor and yaz didn't. jack and yaz's conversation paralleling yaz and Dan's, 1 and 4 years later. i feel like they're a v underrated dynamic.
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not to foxpost on the foxblog but I think we should all talk more about the cognitive dissonance that the GAR, and the Guard specifically, would have to deal with on an ongoing basis. they're brought up and had it drilled into them for a decade straight that the Republic is worth fighting and dying for, that it stands for justice and freedom and [insert patriotic buzzwords here]. they get deployed directly into a slaughter on Geonosis. they get assigned to Jedi who intentionally get them killed. they get assigned to the Guard and listen to Senators treat the war like an abstract, distant concept and the clones like equipment to be manufactured/replaced/disposed of. they're treated as subhuman by civilians. they're slaves in this system that was built up to be a shining star, a perfect example of democracy, the thing they're born to die for.
so what do you get. indoctrinated beliefs versus lived experience. sure, some of them turn (Slick) or desert (Cut), but most of them have to reconcile that conflict without walking away from the army altogether. Dogma is one end of the spectrum, going the route of "my indoctrinated beliefs must be true, so I'll selectively validate parts of my lived experience to align with them and seek out proof of them". Fives is, on Umbara at least, the opposite end, going the route of "my lived experience must be true, so I'll recontextualize my indoctrinated beliefs to match it". the Republic is still worth everything, but maybe we can't trust the Jedi, or the Kaminoans, or the Chancellor.
but the majority of them are going to fall closer to Dogma, otherwise the GAR would stop functioning or try to collectively rebel, right? it's easy to skirt around how deep brainwashing runs and how far people will go to resolve dissonance, but fmngmfng
so you take Fox in the context of Commander of the Guard, and you get "the Republic must still be worth it, so these rules and regs are in place for a reason, and even if they're not then they do work to protect us, and the Senate is doing its best with a bad situation, and the Chancellor wouldn't commit xyz atrocity because he is the Republic" and on and on and on to try to reconcile it all in his poor fucked up brain. how would he carry on with the slog of his job? how could he possibly have the space to wrestle with the contradiction? then the longer you lean into one justification, the deeper it sinks in and reinforces itself
anyway this has been needless over-analysis hour
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don't answer if you don't wanna pep, but who else do you wish could have seen it?
Pep: "Em ekil... Srehto eht... Yeht..."
"I'll be seeing you
In every lovely summer's day
In everything that's light and gay
I'll always think of you that way
I'll find you
In the morning sun
And when the night is new
I'll be looking at the moon
But I'll be seeing you~
Pep: "Lla meht naht reggib tol a saw I. Deracs erew tsom kniht I. Airezzip ym morf yawa deyats srehto eht fo tsom. Tsrif ta enola saw I, rebmemer nac I sa raf sa."
Pep: "Emit revo wef a fo tsurt eht denrae I tub."
Pep: "Rehtegot yalp d'ew. Rehtegot tae d'ew. Rehtegot peels d'ew. Ecin saw ti."
Pep: "Meht tcetorp dluow I."
Pep: "Deneppah thgif eht neht dna."
Pep: "Hcum rebmemer t'nod I. Yrgna os saw I."
Pep: "Enog. Erew yeht, sesnes ym ot emac I nehw tub..."
Pep: "Enog tsuj. Meht fo lla... Meht fo yna dnif t'ndluoc I."
Pep: "Em ekat. Ti tel tsuj ot gniog saw I, llaf ot detrats rewot eht nehw..."
Pep: "Meht tuohtiw tniop eht eb dluow tahw...?"
Pep: "Mih fo ypoc evitcefed a gnieb ecnetsixe ym etipsed dna hguorht tnew eh lla etipsed em devas Onippep tub."
Pep: "Oot tuo tog yeht epoh I... Oot tuo tog yeht ebyam dna..."
Pep: "Sesimorp ym peek ot deliaf I fi wonk ot deracs. Si hturt eht tahw fo deracs. Deracs. M'I tub, hcraes ot deirt ev'I..."
Pep: "Dna ssarg eht dna-a yks eht ees ot teg yeht sepoh em fo trap tub-!"
Pep: *sobbing*
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WIP FRIDAY
I apologize for getting this out two days late, I’ve been busy with lots of packing and events! But I have a little reprieve, so I wanted to post another WIP; this one is from Heart Full, Bowl Empty.
BE AWARE THAT THIS SEGMENT INVOLVES A CONVERSATION REVOLVING AROUND UNWILLING BUT INTENTIONAL STARVATION. I know there are people who say they can’t read this fic because of themes like this, so be aware of this before reading this WIP!!
I included this snippet in today’s WIP because I have like three versions of the entire segment this snippet is from. I feel like it’s a really important segment with a really important conversation, and I’ve had a hard time balancing all the emotions the way I want to between Ingo and Akari, with frustration, sadness, anger, and empathy, to realistically get them to the resolution I want at the end of it.
The final version will probably only include a few parts from this particular segment.
Enjoy!!
—————
“I knew it! You’re doing it again!” Akari’s eyebrows scrunched, trying to understand through the frustration. “You said you wouldn’t!”
“Circumstances will improve soon.” Clearly done with the conversation, that was all Ingo said, but it was confession enough that he had fallen back on his word. Shame contaminated his voice, but if there was any regret, he hid it well.
“No, it won’t!” They were not even half-way through winter yet. “And you know it won’t!”
Ingo said nothing as the kits carefully moved around his slumped form, finding comfortable places to settle around him. She didn’t know if he intended to snuff the conversation out with angered silence, or if he was just too exhausted to care about arguing with her anymore. If it wasn’t for his small occasional signs of movement or acknowledgement, she’d think he was actually sleeping.
Akari carefully stepped into the nesting layers, moving to sit down next to Ingo. She settled with her back against the cavern wall, pulling her knees close as a few kits shuffled around to accommodate her. “You know I’m right.”
Huffing out an irritated sigh and nothing more, it didn’t seem like Ingo had any intentions to engage with her argument anymore.
“You couldn’t even pull yourself up over the ridge,” She prodded at him again, trying to motivate more conversation out of him. “I had to help you!”
“There are many, many factors that go into that.” A reluctant answer, perhaps a reflexive attempt to quell her worry; Ingo feebly rubbed his wrapped hand, almost as a display for his excuse.
“I’ve seen you do more when you’ve been hurt worse.” Akari retorted, a little softer now but still cold.
Ingo’s eyes remained closed, though his hardened expression implied that it came across as more accusatory than she’d intended. But perhaps it was precisely the time to be accusatory.
“Ingo, you’re so tired all the time now – you stopped coming to the training grounds because you just can’t make the trips all the time anymore! And you’re sleeping so much more than you used to, and it’s like you’re always hungry all the time, even though all I see you doing anymore is gathering food!” Akari’s voice grew more jagged as she continued to jab at him, entirely uninterrupted.
It was getting difficult. With Ingo’s tunic still sopping by the bucket, still somewhat red from the exhausted effort of washing out the blood, it could not hide the ribs that pressed out just a little bit more, or help fill out what the waistline had lost under the loosening belt. The abject dread of directly acknowledging that was too much.
“And- and look! You aren’t even willing to hold a conversation with me anymore, and I don’t know if it’s because you just won’t, or because you can’t!” The kits shifted uncomfortably as Akari retreated back into her own frustration instead. “People think you’re sick, Ingo! They’re asking me about you! What are you doing?”
The exhausted man remained where he laid in the nesting material, only moving his hands to rub at his face and sigh — a deep, forced sigh that swelled his side before releasing. Akari almost didn’t think he’d answer her, but with some effort, he propped himself up first onto his elbows, then slumped forward. The teen watched him run shaky fingers through his hair as he sat next to her.
“…I don’t know what I should do.” The guilt. The weary guilt cracked his voice and tore Akari’s anger down to heartache.
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au where obi-wan is just havin a cup of tea and readin a bit of a book and anakin bursts into his quarters looking halfway to insane and blabbering absolute nonsense and then he just looks at obi-wan and says fuck it and kisses him before he storms back out
meanwhile anakin’s been stuck in a time loop for ages now and he’s halfway to insane because no one remembers anything but him so what if just one day he gives into the urge to kiss/sleep with his master it’s just one time and no one else will remember it!!!
only for the time loop to break because of that kiss and the next day obi-wan is like ?? are we gonna talk about it??
and anakin (having burst in again, thinking this is another reset of the loop) is like ‘what, the fact that that romance novel is yours and not ahsoka’s?’
and obi-wan is like ‘nO (but it is ahsoka’s) im referring to the fact that you shoved your tongue down my throat this time yesterday!!’
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