#like theyre entitled to your personal space

[kaurwreck]

the vast majority of jokes that y'all insist are jokes are evidently jokes. but they're the same joke, scraped from surface impressions and regurgitated iteratively. there's humor beneath the outermost layer, too, and you're allowed to be clever, it's not illegal.

[likeadog]

i also just truly dont understand being a man and seeing someone go "im not attracted to men" and being like "wow we should date actually". like does mutual attraction not play a role in how you form relationships do you just like, disregard the personhood of the person youre pursuing. what in the misogyny

also ill say it i really do think a lot of "trans man lesbians" believe theyre entitled to lesbian spaces because they see womanhood and woman exclusivity as a coochie club the same way you see it in other womens spaces which is just transmisogyny at its core.

[st5lker]

this is the part that gets me ive posted so many times before. this is the same thing i posted abt back when adrian got ran off the site. like regardless of the debate itself there will always be people who disagree with what you produce or think its gross or shouldnt exist for x reason and no none of it will ever be purely objective but that also means youre not objectively entitled to be treated kindly for it either. like its a fact of life if youre going to make taboo shit its taboo for a reason, people will dislike you for making it. if you were actually truthfully 100% firm in your conviction that there is nothing wrong with the content you're making then you would just make it and not care what people say about it or KEEP IT OUT OF THE SIGHT OF PPL WHO WOULD GIVE U SHIT FOR IT. like youre not going to debate people out of thinking incest is gross, not every single person who thinks that, so you're left with two options: either grow a fucking spine and stop trying to make it Morally Wrong to criticize you, or keep your content out of the public eye where it will be seen by people who want to criticize you. but they dont do that, they HAVE to make it morally wrong to criticize them, because some small part of them thinks what theyre doing IS wrong and in order to shut up that voice they need to convince themselves theyre actually just being persecuted for being a minority or something instead of acknowledging the reality that theyre making fetish content and putting it into non-fetish spaces and being shocked when people find it weird or gross.

[alluralater]

hey<3 I'm thinking about making a blog similar to yours, do you have any advice for bashful beginners and keeping safe online 🌸

hi there! ahh yay! how exciting! i'm not sure how much like my blog you mean so [takes off my silly hat and puts on my serious hat] buckle up cause this is gonna be a long one and quite in depth <3

if you're looking to make a blog like mine i would definitely encourage you to keep up conversations around consent, communication, and safety. make sure others are reminded that you are a person, not a fantasy or an object for fantasies to be projected upon. we're on horny tumblr, getting excited is normal. what is not normal or healthy is to forget that we (nsfw content creators) are real people with feelings and consent, preferences and boundaries. creating content like this whether text posts, pictures, audios, or some combination thereof— is a vulnerable position to be in. yes we choose to do it, yes we enjoy it. but no, it does not mean that we are ringing the bell for everyone under the sun to imagine we have no limits past those in their fantasies. i am a very reasonable person and i am also swift in my handling of something when i understand that someone is more interested in disregarding my boundaries, because consent and personal limits are non-negotiable. your boundaries mean something.

check your following!!! i vet every single follow on my blog. people might think that's tedious but personally i can't feel comfortable posting unless i know the people who are consistently seeing my content (following me) are of age. if you have a lot of minors reblogging your content— [projectile vomits and then wipes mouth] it's because they're passing it around with some sort of idea that they're welcome in an adult nsfw space. so yes i block follows in batches and do around 60 every 12 hours or so. some men, some weirdos, some blank blogs, and ones without age in bio/theyre a minor. yes i know this is a lot but i started doing it when i made my blog because unlike other people i am posting my face and my name and my life so it matters a LOT to me that they be kept safe faaaaar far away from my blog. of course i cant do anything about people (adults that reblog my content to their blog where they have minors following) disregarding my consent in the matter aside from reporting their account but that just says more about them than it ever will about me.

i encourage you to truly keep your wits about you when making mutuals as some (while publicly popular) are quite privately harmful. remember that no one is entitled to you and you owe no one anything more than simple civil human decency. never feel bad about blocking someone or not following someone. never feel bad about not messaging someone back. your time and your choices are your own. remember that if you start a blog like mine, you may end up having quite a bit or reach when it comes to informing people on certain topics. to imagine i have no platform whatsoever is silly, because i do. i can randomly post about whatever i want but if it harms someone, i cant just be like "tumblr is a silly site and my blog is just about me i'm so quiet and smol pls dont look at me anymore now that i'm in trouble" like no. my voice matters and the people who connect to it matter to me because they're part of my community. so remember when you enjoy the benefits of a large audience, you will also bear the responsibility of a large audience.

i personally conduct myself the same way online as i do irl (yes including the sexual stuff) and that's why my irl friends follow me on here. i would recommend you be genuine. if you're shy and deeply very sexual, be that! be yourself :) authenticity creates balance. on that note, keep whatever info to yourself that you so choose! do not give out your location. i cannot stress this enough. only one person on this site knows where i live and that's it. sometimes people from here (tumblr) see me out and they're like hey! and im like hi! and that's cool but i will never disclose my location or go beyond a quick little hangout because you just never know. on occasion i will become actual friends with people from tumblr and they'll become my irl friends but i'm careful. people see me on tinder and they're like hey i know you from tumblr! and im like oh yay how fun! but i once again have to be very careful because people will hold these preconceived notions about my consent without actually... knowing or asking. so i deeply encourage you to never and i mean never give out your address and be careful of what little details about your life that you allow out there. i use my real name and obviously i post pictures of myself on here along with my voice because i think of tumblr like any other social media and i have no problem with any of the things i post being known to anyone in my life. if you want to start a blog like mine, figure out how much of this you're willing to let into other parts of your life. be very safe and figure out what your boundaries are when it comes to online vs. irl.

[puts back on my silly hat]

okay now onto the fun stuff! posting content!! what's your style? what is your vibe? stick to your strengths and dont be afraid to try new things :) personally i wanted to start a pic series of me jumping in front of my mirror and posting one with me in the air and another with me on the floor/bed cause i thought it would be funny but i forgot and just now remembered it. or like cartoon foods that look better in cartoons than irl. okay so maybe this isn't about sexy content but still lmfao!! post whatever you like and do so with the understanding that you are SO fucking hot. i encourage you to be mindful of the way you talk about yourself. it's okay to be nervous or honest about how you feel about your vessel but don't just go around bashing yourself. if someone has a body similar to yours and they see something like that, they're sure to be incredibly disappointed/sad with themselves even though they too are lovely! i hype myself the fuck up on my blog and keep up with making sure i'm regarding myself as a beautiful creature of mother earth, as well as telling others the same :)

[clicking my tongue] uhhh. hm. lemme think. because my blog is more than just an nsfw blog i do a LOT of things here, including giving advice or addressing important topics. personally i believe sex encompasses many things so it all fits comfortably. and most importantly!!!!!!!!!!!!!

dont forget to be silly about it :) you are not one-dimensional. you can be multifaceted and fun and goofy about things. i love having fun and doing good at the same time. remember things like empathy, honesty, kindness, communication, safety, aaaaand yeah! i think you'll do wonderfully <3

p.s. personally i've gone through a horrendous amount of grief in the last two years and it has certainly shaken me a lot. my blog is much different than it was a year ago. it makes me tear up when people regard it as something still worthwhile, so thank you

[bring-us-back-light]

you turned off reblogs so i couldnt reply, @socalgal

which is fine, if you dont want to continue the discussion, you dont need to reply. but i am entitled to responding. im not entitled to you reading it, feel free to ignore it!

i really respect and appreciate you listening and having this discussion, but i think theres still a miscommunication or misunderstanding.

one thing thats become apparent to me, is theres a conflation of underlying topics that i dont know how to segregate. because theyre super intertwined. one is pedophilia, which to persecute is thought crime. the other is pornographic content of not real kids (such as writing or drawings, but not photographs or videos of real kids). which my stance is that creation of is ethically neutral and non harmful and therefore shouldnt be disallowed. rather reading it can be harmful such as when someone with relevant trauma gets retraumatized, or can be harmful to send it to others such as in the case of grooming. but in none of these scenarios is the harmful act creating it or posting it, nor is the party causing harm the author (unless the author is also the person retraumatizing themselves, or the person grooming a kid). even if a fic isnt tagged properly and someone stumbled across it and reads without informed consent, the harmful action was not giving the proper warnings. not posting it in yhe first place.

im not sure what group the rest of your reply is about. proshippers and pedophiles are very different groups. obviously its a venn diagram just like marine biologist and submariner is, but they are still distinct groups.

children will always be able to access porn. i think this is smth people try to avoid acknowledging, but its true. and i dont honestly think its the end of the world? like whats important is that kids (and anyone tbh) have support when they get ahold of things that made them uncomfortable and can get help processing stuff when needed. and that, separately, kids are given good educations about consent, sex ed, what interaction with other people is appropriate, and have safe trusted adults they can go to with questions or to seek advice if someone or something seems unsafe. kids are going to experiment with eachother. kids are going to look up and watch porn. kids may even look up tabboo porn. so long as they know that adults doing things to or with them is inappropriate and to get help, and they get support for processing anything they find troubling, they will be fine and not harmed by access to this stuff.

'suffering with pedophilic tendencies' not sure exactly what this means. pedophilia, once again, is attraction. not a behavior. tendencies, to me, obscures that distinction. but regardless they can literally just write their own. them being able to find it is not the authors problem. it is theirs for looking it up if it is harmful to them. grooming kids is the problem. not posting the fic or drawings. people will make their own content or groom kids without the use of fic or drawings.

we dont need to facilitate safe spaces, because people have that already in their room. people dont need access to clean needles or clean porn or controlled amounts to avoid overdosing, or stds, or poisoning. there is none of that involved in consuming porn. if there is a real human cost to jeffrey posting a pedophilic porn fic properly tagged, and janice jacking off to it in her room, please elaborate it to me. im open to being wrong. but you cant use slippery slope (consuming it is a gateway to causing harm) without substantiating evidence (which ive looked for so hard. please if you are aware of this please share it with me. i do not want people harmed and imo this is one of if not the main foundation of why i think my stance holds water). or false cause (someone using a posted fic to groom a kid. that did not happen because someone posted the fic it happened becuaee someone groomed the kid),

sorry that got really messy, rewording without parentheticals: i am open to being proven wrong or convinced otherwise that the act of creating porn featuring underaged character(s) and posting it with proper content warnings is ethically neutral and non harmful. But you have to prove that it is inherently harmful, so you cant depend on logical fallacies commonly used in this discussion like false cause or slippery slope.

also 'whatever nomenclature' youre referring to two different groups of people. so cant specify which you mean, but ive defined pedophile plenty of times.

and in response to your final paragraph: people do things all the time that should not be forced on others. vanilla adult porn shouldnt be posted on billboards. consenting adults shouldnt fuck on the subway (unless i suppose everyone in the car is consenting and you finish before the next stop i guess???). these are things that have the potential to be harmful, but are not in and of themselves. just like pedophilic porn.

[spicybylerpolls]

Dear Spicy Byler Polls,

i love your in-depth response to the anon about rooting for finn to be queer and the difference between accusations of queer-baiting and excited speculation.

the main difference does seem to be entitlement, and public forums. for example, commenting on someone's literal social media post? rude. are they going to reply personally to you? no! but i think people honestly forget or dont care that the celeb can see that. they have something to say, and they think they have the right to say it. so they do.

so my main issue is being told i can't speculate amongst friends (which is what this blog often feels like) when we are pretty hidden over here. i certainly would never want to interact with finn or even comment on his posts, as i dont feel i have anything to contribute to his life. but i love to observe and wonder in my own space on the internet, because it does serve me to do that, and i am not hurting finn, which is what matters.

but lastly i will just say that the ambiguity of how we interpret things is maybe what freaks people out about speculation. for example, i had a hunch that noah was queer way before this debate and s4, but it didnt matter in my life so i wasnt boasting to anyone about being right when he came out. it wasnt about me! who cares what i thought? my hunch was also based on nebulous things that arent quantifiable and definitely would not hold up in a court of law (lol), so it also seemed trite to describe them.

whereas sadie simply saying she likes an artist who is queer, for me is very silly evidence because that essentially makes everything into a message, and if a large majority of the straight community realised that queer folk think them liking queer art made them queer, it would stop them liking that art (or rather, being open about how much they liked it), in case people started saying ooooh you must be queer! not that being queer is bad, but that the jump in logic is pretty large. its like saying oooh you've got a friend who is queer, you must be queer too! it was a wonder it didnt happen as much as it could have with queen in the 80s - the music was so good, people didnt care. same for elton john. but im sure plenty refused to listen based on the rep alone.

I personally am not queer, and if i had a platform of fans, and i said oooh i love boygenius, and some of those fans started thinking i was queer because of that, i would feel like they were reading too deeply. because my queerness would not be expressed through enjoying music, which is a universal thing. if they started to notice actual queer behaviours in me that i also acknowledged were queer, and i was questioning, i would be like ok, they've seen through me.

so as a straight person who is fascinated by modern (and older) queer culture, its kind of funny to me to see the ways modern queer folk interact with people who are unlabelled.

it seems to have gone from the old ways of safely finding others queers, like asking if theyre part of the family (which would have been an assumption based on instinct and vibes, and which was relatively easy to dismiss if they were in fact straight), to either demanding someone comes out, or relying on vague indicators of sexual identity, like someone's taste in music or even whether they wear rainbows.

these things might be big for the queer community, but they already have meanings in the straight ones, too. liking rainbows does not make you queer or even indicate you are queer.

of course, the queer community have used these ambiguous ways to find each other, but the whole point is that they remain double meanings in order to protect the secret language of queerness. 'are you family' means one thing to straights and another to queer folk, but now, in modern culture, lots of queer people seem to be insisiting that it MUST mean only one thing: gayness. for example, someone wearing rainbows? they must be gay. they must be flagging. despite the millenia-long history of the existence of rainbows and their popularity in pop culture.

in modern gay culture, many people seem to think they are entitled the queerness of others because they sense it. whereas back in the day, you get the sense that if someone did not respond positively to 'are you part of the family?' then you would leave them alone, not demand that they come out because they would be happier if they did so and lived their truth.

do you think this speaks more about the internet age than it does about queer culture itself? and can queer culture every be extricated from the internet age? can any modern culture, now? i love that young queer folk are living more freely, but it seems to have swung a horrible way, towards entitlement for a lot of people online. and all that does is make them unhappy when their faves dont come out. i understand that queer people are oppressed and need idols and role models more than straight folk. but you can still enjoy an artist's work even if they dont share your sexual identity, cant you? it might help to make your experience more universal if you can acknowledge that not everything is about sexual identity. we want gay love stories like stranger things to bring straight folk and queer closer, not divide them by making sure gay communities remain separate, surely?

i hope i'm not being unfair.

Thank you for your thoughts! I hadn't really considered the straight perspective in all of this. You bring up a lot of interesting points, and I don't agree with all of it, but I don't necessarily disagree either.

You're right that sometimes rainbows are just rainbows and that, "These things might be big for the queer community, but they already have meanings in the straight ones, too. liking rainbows does not make you queer or even indicate you are queer."

I just had a vision of someone who is really into rainbows, putting them on literally everything, placing them in all their captions, placing them on all their bags, and everyone assumes they're flagging their sexuality. But then it turns out they're actually just a devout Southern Baptist, and they're really into the Noah's Ark story lol.

That being said, rainbows might be pretty universal, but I'd say there are symbols and clues that one might flag with that are very queer. And probably one or two of these things can be a coincidence. But just like with Mike's sexuality, it's not just one thing that clues us in but several subtle things piled on top of each other. And while of course "you can still enjoy an artist's work even if they don't share your sexual identity," there's a subtle magic when they do share it that I'd say can't be fully replicated by anything else.

The thing I find the most interesting about your message is your question, "Do you think this speaks more about the internet age than it does about queer culture itself? and can queer culture ever be extricated from the internet age? can any modern culture, now?" And I do think a lot of what you're critiquing is absolutely a part of the internet age in general. And it's not going away anytime soon.

The one thing I will clarify tho is that the Sadie Sink/girl in red thing is not a matter of her liking a queer artist but the context. At some point in like 2020 or 2021, "do you like girl in red?" actually became a very specific coded conversation/semi-meme for queer girls on TikTok.

So Sadie commenting I like girl in red btw on a girl's Instagram, followed by a winky face, is absolutely within that context. It's not about liking a queer artist, cause "I like Reneé Rapp" doesn't hold the same meaning even though they are both lesbians. And it's not even about liking girl in red as anyone can like her music (I love her music and I'm a guy), but about subtly communicating queerness in a specific way.

That being said, music/media in general ARE cultural signifiers that someone may be "safe," especially if there's a pattern. Like if someone's Spotify exclusively consists of boygenius and other similar artists, if they follow the Heartstopper cast on IG, and if their favorite films on Letterboxd are But I'm a Cheerleader, Bottoms, Carol, and Portrait of a Lady on Fire, that might be a sign lol.

I'm interested in my anons thoughts on this.

[butchviking]

I'm confused with the last ask. At first you say passing transmen wouldn't be welcomed by most women in female spaces mention passing butches. Should both use men's spaces?

i'll be honest dude i was just saying shit. like i said it's ultimately just because i don't fucking trust conservative lawmakers lol. a lot of what i was saying in the first part was just throwing thoughts at the wall 2 see what sticks, and they do all come from somewhere but they're not all thought through 2 a conclusion. here i'll give them a LITTLE more thought but i'll try not 2 get carried away im like so tired rn

i think w transmen its complicated. like as females they obviously are entitled to female-only resources. turning a transman away from a female-only rape or abuse crisis centre would b evil like they are female and they do experience misogyny and that service is for them. but at the same time, if a passing transman went into a womens bathroom or locker room or whatever then naturally women could b intimidated by that. they don't know he's a transman, he's just some dude to them. and also if we were to insist that everyone use the facilities that go w their assigned sex at all times, then surely that opens the door for any random dude to say he's a transman and go into the womens room the same way opening everything up to self-id opens the door for any random dude to say he's a transwoman and go into the womens room. as far as the bathroom/locker room thing, 3rd unisex option or converting everything to unisex single-stall, blah blah i've said it plenty before. as far as other services go, i think a lot of it would have 2 be on a case-by-case basis with compassion & realism & probably with consulting other service users. i don't think a blanket rule is the best solution.

& when using passing butches as an example i was thinking about instances where women in public bathrooms have confronted butch women thinking they're men encroaching on a female space. and thinking, what's the solution supposed 2 be for them to prove themselves female there? show ID? only like i said, ID no longer always correlates with birth sex bc ppl can change legal sex now, so knowing that kind of makes it so that ID could never be a legal means of proving sex if any conflict arose from that. i think realistically thats probably not likely 2 happen much bc usually once someone says "im literally a woman" and the other person takes a proper look theyre more like "oh my god yeah my mistake" but i HAVE seen video of women getting kicked out of public womens rooms by security staff who mistook them for dudes and were actively still insisting they were dudes even when being told that they're wrong. i wasnt suggesting butch women use the mens room instead, i was just pointing out that i think things could get complicated nd to enshrine certain things in law as based on birth sex, while having no legal way that birth sex is actually even documented because legal sex =/= actual sex anymore, seems like smthn that could get messy. for the record this is why i think they should not let people change legal sex, but then theres a whole host of other issues (which im sure cons would not take into account were they 2 pass a law on this either) that would have 2 be considered bc i do see how walking around with an ID that documents your sex as completely incongruous w ur appearance can put a target on someone in a lot of situations.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[risingsouls]

🦎 + how have your holidays been?

A 🦎 for My Stupid Thoughts || Always Accepting!

[Aha. Honestly? Pretty rough. Could have been worse, I guess, but my family pulling some bullshit this year really just...ruined the season for me. If you don't want a long vent that I feel I need to get off my chest, stop reading here and know that my answer is basically could have been worse but not great. But I guess I'd you're curious about me really seeing very clearly where I stand in my family, feel free to read on.

So basically I'll start with this has honestly probably been a long time coming. The differences between me and most of my family, especially the particular clan in question (which, for reference, is basically my oldest brother, his kids, along with my older brother's girlfriend and his oldest son's girlfriend at least; a few other S/Os are newer to the mix, but im sure theyre getting the same bs fed to them as everyone else considering how they operate) have just become more and more glaring over the years. Whether that's politics and general human decency to basic shit like interests and just personalities not meshing. Shit you can generally most past but after a while and a few incidences in recent years (especially this year) I've just....decided I don't care to care any more. If their opinion of me is so low, I don't care to try and change it or entertain being around people who don't care for me.

I'll keep things reserved to this year because they're the most relevant. Back in July, we all went on vacation as a family. We've done it plenty of times before, and besides minor hiccups and one major moment of gross racism and just general bullshit that is probably what really opened my eyes to how this particular sect believes and operates (i.e. i called my older nephew, ill call him T for the sake of clarity, out for some racist comment but somehow i was the one that ended up the bad guy and bullied/laughed out of the cabin; i got onto my niece, I'll call her D, for acting like a horrible and entitled brat to literally everyone because her dad wasnt doing it and, again, i was the bad guy. Keep this pattern in mind), nothing unexpected took place on these trips. We moved on from the situations for the sake of family.

This year, however was just....too much. I'll start with the initial shit I knew on the ground and move into what I found out after concerning this situation. For this vacation, we were all renting a cabin at a lake for the week, something we've done plenty of times before and had a good time. Unfortunately, T's gf, A, had just gotten a new job, so they couldn't make it up to join us until Wednesday evening (we checked in Sunday night). Which was fine. We were happy they could come at all.

A few days before we went, me, my parents, and my brother (W) and his gf (C) were discussing vacation and got on the topic of deciding which rooms we wanted to some degree. It was decided that, since my parents, W and C like to get up early for breakfast, they would take the two rooms on the main floor. I asked if I could have one of the two rooms on the top floor because there would be a lot of kids around, I'm not the biggest fan of kids, and I just need my space in general from EVERYONE from time to time and didn't want to be in the basement where the kids were likely going to be most of the time (there was a TV, a pool table, and other like kid friendly features down there for them to occupy themselves). Everyone agreed that that would be fine so I was content.

Well, as shit usually goes with this family, that's not what ended up happening. W and C got there first and they decided to take one of the upstairs bedrooms. D and her boyfriend got there next and took the other upstairs room. So I was pissed about it because I had specifically asked for one of those rooms with W and C there and knowing what was going on. So when I confronted W about it when we arrived at the cabin, he threw D, his own DAUGHTER, under the bus for taking the other room when, in reality, him and C were the obvious problem here. I wasn't mad at D in the slightest and it made sense that they took the upstairs room they did because it had a pull out couch for her bf's kids. I didn't care about that. I was pissed at W and C who KNEW I called an upstairs room but decided to take it anyway. And I know this doesn't sound like a big deal, but, for context, this is what always happens to me, I'm guess because I'm single with no kids and am generally just quiet and keep to myself, even when I am upset about shit: what I want or even need is completely shoved aside to appease everyone else, and usually because it doesn't quite fit in with what someone else in the family wants to do. As I said, I usually keep quiet, but I did make it known that I was pissed off and just went to wait on the balcony for everyone to pick their rooms, saying I would just do like I usually did and take what was left over. Of course, I ended up in the basement and was constantly bothered by the kids when I was trying to have any time to myself. But I got over it and moved on.

On top of all this, that portion of the family was just....really hostile to me, my other two brothers, and my parents. For literally no reason. Some specific examples: W and C just basically avoided me the rest of the time, and they made it really awkward and apparent they didn't want to be around me or talk to me, even when I made the effort at civility. C acted like a child most of the time, including walking away from a conversation when my mom mentioned something miniscule about gun control (because that was what got brought up, and not by us btw) to refusing to help us clean up the day we left and basically just not talking to anyone on Friday when we all took the boat out on the lake. T and A got there Wednesday night and brought stuff for smores. That was the night I was sickest with covid and the next day didn't have the energy to go to an amusement park with the rest of them, so me, my parents and brother stayed behind. When they got home, T and W first bitched at my mom for the beer being gone (literally only my dad out of all of us was drinking that week, and he wasn't drinking throughout the day like they seemed to want to accuse him and the rest of us of) and then he and A bitched her more because the chocolate for smores was gone and they supposedly brought that "only for the kids." For reference, I saw only a bar and a half left from the night before that, no one told anyone it was just for the kids, and we were all under the impression that, like the rest of the food, we were all sharing all of it. And, compared to the few packages of full size bars they brought, we in no way pigged out while they were gone like they seemed to think and this really upset my mom for good reason as we literally did nothing wrong. These two were also just generally snotty the whole time over stupid little things like the fact that we didn't want to go to the amusement park for our various reasons, most of which was we were sick or just getting over the worst part of being sick, but I guess that didn't matter.

So finally it was all over and I couldn't be happier to fo tf home. However, I found out after the fact that D had cried the night we got there because she thought I was mad at her for taking one of the upstairs rooms. Of course, no one talked to me about it as it always goes and I felt horrible because I was in no way pissed at her (I texted her and let her know that, too, and explained what actually happened). But what was really telling and just really gross about that whole thing was that W and C were completely okay with not only throwing me under the bus to save their own asses but to also throw D, his DAUGHTER'S, ass under the bus and risk ruining my relationship with her just so they could appear faultless and get their way in this situation. They were okay make ME look like the bitch and asshole when I really wasn't at fault at all in that situation. But of course, that part of the family only got W and C's side of the story. Which is important for this more recent bit that really just cemented my discontent.

Fast forward to December. Every year, we do a little secret Santa gift exchange on Christmas eve in the evening. We discussed it on Thanksgiving with everyone and that's what we all agreed was what we would do this year. We even use a gift exchange app that I put all the info into that they could look at to see the when and what time at any point. Come about two weeks beforehand and T texts our group chat asking what day we were doing it, and that he and A planned to go to her family's party in the afternoon/evening on Christmas eve. I'm sitting with my parents at the time and we're all just kind of like seriously? We had this all planned. So I texted back saying we planned on doing it in the evening on Christmas eve like we always have. His response was a half asses excuse that they thought the fate set on the app was just a placeholder, and that he guessed they would make it by if they made it by. He also tried to guilt us by playing the "we have multiple places to go" card. I could tell my mom was upset about it even if she acted like it was fine. This is what literally all of them do when my parents try to plan a family thing: they treat it as what feels like an afterthought and/or the last stop behind everyone else every time. I know it hurts my mom, I've watched it my whole life since I was little and I had just had enough.

So, me being me, I confronted T about it. I basically said you know this is kind of bs because we've had this planned for a month now but you guys couldn't have worked around what was already planned and instead expect my parents to work around you all like we always have to do. I told him that it was really unfair to my parents and that he was hurting them, not me (as he seemed to think I was mad for ME) by not coming. Well he didn't like that and went off again about needing to go to multiple places--which I do get btw. He then had the audacity to bring up the vacation fiasco, throwing the room thing in my face and calling me selfish and a problem for making a big deal "out of nothing." Remember, he was not there when any of this took place nor did he ever ask me or anyone else about what happened, save for probably W and C. I basically ended the conversation there, telling him to stfu about shit he doesn't know the full story about and I just reiterated again that, by not coming, it's his grandparents he's hurting (who he claimed, BTW, were the only people he would come for at all), not me, and was done with it. To top it off, my dad talked to him the next day about it because they didn't want any hard feelings and to set T straight about what actually happened on vacation. T said he knew he shouldn't have brought that up and said he would text me to apologize. Guess what he didn't do? Unsurprising to me at least.

So I just basically said I wasn't doing the family Christmas shit this year. I literally sat in my room with the dogs and played pokemon. Was that petty? Maybe. But I didn't really want to he around any of them after all the shit they've pulled not only this year but throughout my life. Nobody asked about me while they were there. Nobody came to talk to me or wish me merry Christmas. Nobody cared that I wasn't there for the holiday (save for my parents). My younger nephew was literally the only person to ask me why I wasn't there and show any sign that he noticed when I came down after everyone left. It was just the nail in the coffin of confirming that I'm not wanted or liked when it comes to that sect of the family. They could literally care less if I'm around and it really showed this holiday season. It has made me even more eager to fucking move away from here and maybe never come back.

So, in short, as is probably typical, my family ruined my Christmas for me. I didn't get to enjoy my family like I would hope to because they suck. But maybe it's for the best. Its given me new strength to just do what's best for me and what I'm comfortable with rather than stomaching people's presence that I don't really want to stomach. And I know this is definitely like. First world problems when it comes to family because I know people that have SO MUCH WORSE grievances with family than me but...yeah. it comes down to I'm really just sick of certain members of my family treating not only me but especially my parents like absolute dog shit for NO reason. And no one ever says anything because ether don't want to cause problems. But I guess if no one else will, ill put on the bitch crown they've put on me anyway and stand up for myself and them. I'm just beyond done]

[pettydreamz]

tw+tldr//

i've never rly thought of myself being a doormat. but with each of my friends and past friendships too, when i say the stuff i've have allowed to happen and done for them outloud... maybe i am. i only realised later in life that i always had rose tinted glasses with my friends. i be so proud, and loving for them always wanting better for them (bc they deserve the damned best), i try my best to respect everyone's space (this can be debatable lol). i have tried to defend other friends, like i remember some friends saying why are you still friends with her if she still treats you that way, i would've dropped her by now, but i couldnt bc i loved her, she was my friend!

i used to drop off my friends to the bus or tram and end up coming home late. i bought so many of my friends expensive gifts, whenever they needed me or wanted to hang out despite, my schedule i will make time just for them. even now if any of my friends want to hang out, even on a work day - i'll work hard the day before so i can see them the following day. i'll shout(pay/treat) them out for an outing or to eat. i give them advice and it's their own perogative to take it. if they needed me to build them a bookshelf i would do it. if they needed me to stay up all day or night in a hangout, sleepover or call i will. i'll let some friends ghost me n flake on me multiple times. im sorry that it's my fault some could never fully be open with me no matter how hard i tried, that sometimes i do get frustrated about it but hey i cant force them to do anything especially when sometimes they dont listen. they are their own person, who can form their own thoughts n opinion at the end of the day. i let them peer pressure to do all sorts of things ^^;;;

i let friends be entitled to my time n energy bc i fucking love them. like soo many times i've been fucked over by people it just hurts sometimes when it's a friend. and ofc im not saying im perfect bc ew god no. but it sucks sometimes when you dont feel appreciated, valued or loved the same.

like for 2 years back in high school every friday i will hang with my friend after school and wait an hour after her tutoring was done, and pretend im not with her bc her mother didnt like e bc i wore FAKE GLASSES.

i let many of my friends physically, mentally, emotionally and even sexually abuse me but i thought it's ok bc theyre my friends.

i'll never forget when i was like 13/14 i was on a packed tram and a hobo why dry humping me from behind, and so many saw my uncomfortable face but noone saved me, i called who i thought was my best friend at the time after i managed to escape before it lead to worse and all she could say was LMAOOOO or ROFLLL or LMFAOO. ofc i had been sexually harrassed and assaulted many more times but yeah.. i still let myself trust her and all our other friends, who also hurted me.

i let my most of my gfs - guy friends bully me, when they had the chance.

i always put them on a pedestal bc if youre my friend, then you're already amazing!

you're so much better than all the guys who treated me in my life.

all i ever wanted was a true friend experience where i feel like you have my back n is open with me. so yeah when i start reassessing what a friend means... i will unfortunately vent my frustration n insecurities on a vent blog...

sorry if i dont seem trust worthy or whatever but ig im still subconsciously protecting myself as well, bc they themselves also dont make an environment that i feel safe to share, ironically enough. this mind had always tormented me and sorry i never let you in on it.

i dont expect a transactional friendship, where i do something for them and something expect in return. thats not a friendship. but i wish some saw how much i love and would do anything for them or at least try to..

[vigilante-duck-hawk]

i dont expect you to post this since you said you didnt want this on your blog and you can just ignore it its fine. i just wanted to weigh in because i dont necessarily agree with the gold star purist narrative but i also am getting increasingly exhausted by obviously bi women identifying as lesbians. i know it seems grody to pick apart a womans sexual history but only because its framed that way in the first place. bi women who are obsessed w identifying as lesbians either because they are genuinely mistaken or because theyre just homophobic always frame the narrative as their sexual histories being unfairly scrutinized and used against them. unfortunately sexual orientation and sex are very much connected and it is fair even if uncomfortable to say if youve fucked men then you arent lesbian. bi women always try to guilt trip us by twisting feminist narratives around sex back around at us by accusing us of being unfeminist, misogynist, or pushing purity culture, just for referring to their sexual histories, which are the most obvious indicator of your sexual orientation. i get what youre saying. but. yeah. i feel like lesbians get backed into a corner on this and we internalize this idea that what we're doing is bullying a woman or holding her sexual past against her. but we're not doing that.

I probably won't really be talking about this further because like I said, I'm not trying to start a whole thing but this is for the most part what I meant. There are obviously lots of bisexual people who feel entitled to lesbian and gay spaces either because they call themselves lesbians or just because the think being bisexual is 'gay enough' to be included and it is a real issue that should be discussed but every time someone on radblr talks about how this woman who says she's a lesbian has had sex with men (regardless of if that's true or not) the conversation around it just becomes so gross and misogynistic and people become so entitled to the personal details of a strangers life. I also say it's pointless because we can never know. The biggest gold star lesbian purist on here could have had sex with 100 men and the rest of us would never know because tumblr is relatively anonymous. I absolutely think we should be discussing bisexuals who feel entitled to homosexual spaces but conversations around one individual woman's sexual history are pretty much never useful or respectful nor can anything said in the conversation really be proven.

[angelhairpastawithherbs]

etiquette for cemeteries and graveyards!!!!!! this might be somewhat us specific but it should be applicable to lots of places outside the us too. first of all the difference between the two

cemeteries are set aside by governments and tend to be much larger and dont necessarily have any kind of affiliation with certain churches or religions although most attract lots of christian or catholic adjacent people

graveyards are literally what would be implied by the name and put in the yard or a church and have direct affiliation with the religion and tend to be a lot smaller since its more exclusive and theres a building on the land so obviously theres a lot less space available

pretty much everything is the same no matter which one it is but its important to know what the difference is anyways but lets move on

make sure to do some research for religious affiliation beforehand especially with graveyards so you know if theres any specific rules you should follow, as well as the hours and days theyre open for visitors

starting with the biggest one, be careful where you stand

never walk over a grave even if its one of an ancestor, walk between graves and never on the area where a person is buried or the headstones, for ancestor graves you can kneel or lay on them generally but you should never walk on top of them because its disrespectful and could cause damage

that probably goes without saying though, but its really important so i had to say it anyways

if flowers fall over or something similar put it back upright as well as you can, most stab into the ground and can fall over because of wind or loose soil, kneel at the side of the grave and gently try pushing it back in the ground, but if it doesnt stand back up and would need it to be moved you should leave it, this only goes for people you dont know, for ancestors then you can place it on the other side or something but for anyone you dont know you should leave it for the family or gravekeepers to fix up

generally you should never take any pictures, even when you never share them, everyone is entitled to privacy and unless you have permission of grieving families its very taboo, however at historical ones this rule is more lax since its more unlikely that new burials occur, but you should always check and be careful, again this is different for someone youre related to because in that case you are the grieving family and can give yourself permission

treat it like a library and dont be incredibly loud distracting or obnoxious, and be respectful of other people there

if you see a funeral procession, its probably best you dont go in and wait for another time

some will close for regular visitors when it happens, but dont always have signs to say that so best to be safe

even if you can go in, its kinder to wait

your clothing isnt that big of a deal when youre just visiting, either

again specific cultures or religions have beliefs about this and should be looked into before, but as long as youre not wearing clothing that takes up tons of space or that you wouldnt go to a grocery store in its fine

basically the same as not being obnoxious, just put on something you would normally go out it

notify a keeper or front area if theres something you notice like an antbed on a grave or graffiti, chances are they already know but you should write down what the headstone says so they can identify it and tell them what you noticed

service animals are the only kind you should bring with you, and make them follow the same path you take and clean up after them if they do anything and try hard as you can to bring them to a grassy area off to the side and not on or between any graves

put on sunscreen and bugspray although this is more of a tip than anything, but youre outside and should remember that

overall be respectful and dont treat it like it has no importance or value, each headstone is the marker of someone who was once just like you and you should treat each grave like a person

[virtualduckbrigade]

i think the thing that gets me the most about stupid ass internet discourse about the moral purity of using the objects that are fictional characters as meabs and modes of sexual pleasure is that the excuses that people who are against it and think thought crimes are a thing are so *fucking ablist about it*. Like let me be clear, a solid 95% of people who are into that kind of shit are trauma survivors/victims. We get into it sexually as a way for our brains to cope with the traumatic events that happened to us. To make things that WERE and ARE *fucking terrifying*, things that keep us up at night in fear, not only palpitable, but pleasurable. AND SINCE ITS ALL FICTIONAL-- no one is actually getting hurt!!!! we can recontextualize our feelings in a way that is safe to LITERALLY everyone! and guess what! as long as you can still enjoy sex without the need to think about your fucked up kink, youre actually fine!! in fact, youre normal and healthy!!

Now, dont get me wrong. I DO think that if you make art about it, it needs to be tagged and posted places where minors cant get at it, because some people do get into certain things because of a minor(as in small and not underage) trauma around having unsupervised internet access too early minor(as in underage and not small), and thats what we're starting to see pop up around now with a lot of folks; but either way, if it is tagged and filterable, YOU, yes you, are the one responsible for curating your internet experience and if you dont know how to, frankly you shouldnt be anywhere outside of a search engine online. digressing from that too, if you filter out the things that you dont want to see and are triggering to you because you healed in a different way, you are 100% valid in doing so, so long as youre not screaming at the people who are healing in other ways that theyre "doing it wrong" because then, really what that says is that youre NOT healed. Because if you were healed, you wouldnt care what other people do if no real living person/animal was getting hurt.

You are not entitled to anyone elses personal information, when you go online. Some people might even be doing things to make it look like whatever is wrong with them ISNT wrong with them. You saying "anyone who does this is a freak and a pervert and a pedo who needs to be shunned from society" isnt helpful. it doesnt stop it. The only thing youve done is assert that "hello. i am an ablist and absolutely NOT a safe space for ANYONE who has any desire to heal from their trauma-related disorder. In fact I hope you die instead. You should be absolutely nothing but ashamed of what happened to you and the well-documented psychological responses it left your developing brain with". Like i get it, its fun to shit on Freud because 95% of the time the things coming out of his mouth were batshit. But Freud Was Right about A Lot Of Things. Specifically about Developmental Trauma and things people find uncontrolably sexually arousing down the road. AND AS LONG AS YOU CAN RECONTEXTUALIZE THAT AROUSAL TO *ONLY FICTION*, YOU ACTUALLY HELP *SOLVE THE PROBLEM*!!

and dont even get me STARTED on people with OCD who LITERALLY cannot move on from fucked up intrusive thoughts after they have them, or after someone makes a comment like, say, this post. All youve done is make them feel horrible too, over things that arent true and arent hurting them. Or the folk who suffer from delusions, who will believe more people are out to get them than the amount they thought prior.

Youre not "proctecting kids" or whatever the fuck, because if you WERE, you'd be lobbying for not only more therapy and better sex ed, but also better control over our collective internet experiences including advertising-free safe spaces for kids, and more massive archives of free well-tagged and correctly-tagged sometimes pornographic art something similar to ao3! but youre NOT. Youre projecting a belief not dissimilar to the religous trauma some people experience growing up that is only going to serve to blow up the issue and get more people to look at more fucked up shit online, earlier.

Youre not "taking a stance and stopping pedos", youre in the denial stage of your own minor(as in small) traumas because theres no safe spaces on the internet anymore since social media and capitalism fucked all of us, and the people with Major traumas dont have anywhere else to recontextualize that shit in a safe way anymore.

[ssugarsnap]

high time we eradicated content houses imo

[kittycalyps0]

[meme-loving-stuck]

i really wish more ppl would understand that:

"its okay to need space & ignore messages & ghost people" =/= "everyone in your life HAS TO forgive you constantly leaving them hanging or being unreliable"

and there's nothing wrong with having dry spells! but thats what makes the effort of communicating more important; if you never see eachother, it's also on THEM to make an effort with staying in touch, not just you. that's how you keep certain relationships going.

and accountability, like... if you made plans with someone, and you just fucking disappear on them with no warning or explanation and leave them hanging... they don't HAVE to forgive you. esp if you make it a habit, or never apologize, etc...like. it's a two-way street is what im saying.

and listen i know!!! emergencies and bad days happen! etc. but people can have limits to their patience when it comes to wasted gas, money, time, hurt feelings, theyre entitled to those limits! it's not a personal slight against you. it's about whether you can give proportionately to what they give, and what the relationship needs. not everyone can fulfill certain relationships with certain people. we're all made different.

.... tldr you needing space, being forgetful, or saying you "suck at communicating" etc... doesn't mean youre absolved of all accountability for missing things, hurting people, or being unreliable. especially in adult relationships.

[pwnyta]

Okay so like… I just wanna bitch and moan so don’t mind me….

You know what I really, REALLY dislike? When people start to talk about being blocked/unfollowed. There are millions of reasons why you might be blocked, and not all of them bad, but for whatever the fuck reason you decide to go to your followers and bitch about it? Like???? Isn’t it good that people just block you instead of harassing you?

Or when people literally say/have DNI (and say to block them IF “…”), and then they act surprised/angry/as if they are supreme bc people unfollowing them and/or blocking? Wtf is that?

When people say “hey I am not gonna make this one particular thing you’ve followed me for, so be free to unfollow, I won’t be angry/I will understand it” and then couple of hours later they like “I am HURT… I didn’t expect so many people to unfollow me, so you guys not care for my art?” and I m like….. hey…. You yourself told people that you are not going to creat content they came for and asked to unfollow, what is this reaction?… now it makes ME want to unfollow, like cmon, what kind of childish reaction is that? Sigh…

I understand that it’s dumb to get over this things (and everything related) but holy fuck… can’t you be just grateful/happy that people choose to just ignore you instead of harassing you? Especially if you SPECIFICALLY tell some people to block you bc you don’t want interact with them/their interests? Like jfc grow up or something?

Sorry for the sea of salt… I am just tired of this bullshit

LMAO Anytime you wanna bitch about silly fandom shit feel free.

AND YES! Although I love it. Because Ive gotten people in my asks mad at me for blocking them and its so funny. I block people for any minuscule transgression against my enjoyment of a website.

But people having mile long DNIs and then bitching and moaning that no one likes there shit anymore? TERRIFIC. What the fuck did you expect you toxic bitch...

Ive never seen the other scenario though but yeah... it seems maybe they were fishing for people to devote themselves to them. A lot of the time people are interested the common interest... its really mostly like streamers/youtubers who get a dedicated fandom on their personality random artists get favs of particular things... its less about the artist.

Nah I feel you on this. Its ridiculous.

Its very much people needing to get over their entitlement to other peoples time. People wanna curate their spaces with shit theyre interested in and if people cant handle that its really too fucking bad.