#like what do you MEAN he he almost got eaten by a shark. WHAT !!!

[sluckythewizard]

Keep calm, and drink soda

[CW for blood and gore and vomit] takes place a day or two after emizel was sired. just two boys adjusting to a shift in their daily norms. would YOU drink your homies blood? still not used to writing fanfic so any and all advice IS appreciated. i hope u enjoy.

There were very few things that Soda enjoyed more than well, drinking soda. It was a hobby, an interest, a comfort. And by extension there were very few errands that Soda would look forward to more than the occasional soda run.

The gas station closest to the Demons hideout had stopped selling Faygo entirely about a month or two ago, and it was near impossible to find it anywhere else. The closest place was now this janky little Shell gas station, lovingly titled the Shady Shell, that thankfully sold more flavors than any of the other ones ever did.

It made the hour and a half walk here entirely worth it. Even if this side of town made his skin crawl. Normally he would ask someone to accompany him on this daring little quest, but everyone at the hide out tonight just seemed too tired, too preoccupied, too uninterested.

He knew not everyone really got the soda thing, but they were accepting of it for the most part. Soda is something that, clearly, Soda really loves, but he knew not everyone else was into it.

Which was fine, of course. They didn't need to get it. But, still, sometimes Soda found himself wondering how much of it was a bit, and how much was him.

Emizel gets it perfectly though. He would've been the first person Soda would ask to go on this soda run with him, but, well. He's been preoccupied too, with the whole vampire thing.

It's been a bit more than a day since Soda had last seen his close comrade. For a friend that he saw just about everyday, going without him this long left him feeling a little emptier.

That was fine, though. Emizel had shit he was working out, he had things he needed to do. It's not like he could go out in the day anymore, so of course Soda wouldn't be seeing him at all the usual times.

It was a lot of weird and heavy magical stuff, it made Soda think about those superhero shows. Where the hero needs to keep his identity hidden from everyone. Family especially. He knows how much of a piece of shit Emizels dad is, so he hoped that Emizels home life wasn't stirred up all stupid-like over this.

He hasn't told anyone else, about what happened that night. For the last 2 days, Soda would spend time with close friends and not let them know a thing about what happened to Emizel so, so recently. Why he's so suddenly absent, so distant, so.. off…

'Maybe his dad's just giving him a hard time', he would say, hoping to smother their questions. The less questions they ask, the better. At least until this vampire stuff gets figured out a bit more. Should Emizel wear a disguise when he goes out at night now? Just like a superhero? What kind of hero outfit would Emizel have anyways? Soda figured it would be something really cool.

If anyone could figure out a way to balance all this vampire stuff, and all the leaderly responsibilities that come with being the biggest dog in the Demons, it was Emizel for sure. That guy is so seriously cool.

He was sure this rough patch would even out, and they would weather the next rough patch together no problem. There was really nothing to worry about! All Soda has to do is stay positive, and well, drink soda.

As Soda walks quietly down the crumbling sidewalks of this dreary hive of strip malls and shops, he goes to pull his backpack around to his chest, fumbling with the zipper in the dark. Which was a little annoying, considering the tab of his zipper had fallen off forever ago. He really needed to get around to fixing this damn thing. Maybe another ziptie and a soda tab will do the trick.

Humid air hangs heavy in the night, the sidewalks still somewhat warm after a hotter day. The diesel-soaked air provided enough warmth on its own that Soda had considered taking his jacket off a few times, only for the occasional, annoyingly sharp and chilly breeze to brush by, reminding him to keep the thing on.

Tripping only once and only slightly on an uneven sidewalk, Soda manages to pull a bottle of Faygo from his backpack, a smile glowing on his face. Another short fight with the zipper seals up the bag, and he slings it over his shoulder again.

His flavor of choice tonight was actually the Red Pop, the tried and true, the absolute classic, one of the best Faygo flavors for sure.

But, this kind wasn't actually his favorite. Normally he would stock up on the cotton candy ones, but something about the last few days had him craving the red stuff.

Securing his backpack all the way, he goes to crack open the bottle. Just the clack and the hisssss of the fizzy drink were enough to lift his mood.

Not that his mood needed lifting or anything. Of course. Sure he missed his friend and sure he found himself wondering what he’s doing and where he is and if he's okay. Maybe sometimes he found himself wishing they talked about funeral plans more.

Emizel talked up all sorts of crazy funeral ideas for himself, usually involving the use of his dead body as an inconvenience for others. Outlandish and hilarious ideas, like filling it with explosives and tossing it into a busy road. But what would he want seriously? What would Soda ever do if he just stopped showing up one day?

He had to swallow down all these unnecessary anxieties, so he took a swig of his soda. Sweet, bubbly, comforting. He felt better already! Just stay positive, and drink soda..

It was a lovely night out, and he didn't come all this way planning on letting it go to waste. There was a place he was heading towards, a particular alleyway in this particular place that led off to a particularly tall concrete ledge.

 It was a run-down little space, littered with trash and shitty trees and those bushes with just too many goddamn ants in them. But the view was fairly nice, overlooking a massive deformed intersection. A particularly stupid one, at that; about 3 times a week you could witness a gnarly crash at this spot. Soda always heard people saying that LA folks can't drive, but he was just starting to figure that maybe no one can drive.

That was the place he really wanted to go to enjoy this soda, and he wasn't too far off from it. Just a few more blocks, and he would be there.

Oh wait, didn't he still have a bag of chips in this backpack somewhere? Hell yeah, he couldn't wait to sit down and relax with a good soda, a good snack, and a good view of the night.

Living as a Demon had its fair share of stresses. He felt lucky to have this life, but he knew well that it could be better. That not everyone has to worry about survival the way they do. That not everyone gets injured on the regular and not everyone has to worry about being sick and never getting better.

Living is hard. But it's finding the small moments of joy that make it all worth it. Dying would be scarier anyway. He didn't want to die, and he felt glad to feel so confident in that nowadays.

The sudden   THUNK  of something slamming into the ground just a block away from him, jolts him out of his thoughts, all his gears screeching to a halt as he freezes in place. What the fuck was that?

It looked like a person, laying flat on the ground with only their head and shoulders peeking out of the alleyway ahead. Fuck. He hated this side of town..

Anxiety churns in his stomach as he debates just turning around, but the way the victim reaches an arm out, attempting to crawl away; it made his heart ache aswell. he's no goddamn fighter, but he couldn't just leave someone like th-

The body is suddenly yanked back into the alley, snatched at a startling speed. It didn't feel exactly real, how could something vanish so fast? It reminded Soda of something from a horror movie, or whatever. What the fuck was that??

His foot takes a step forward, before the rest of his body notices its rebellion and locks down again. Was he seriously going to investigate that? He could just walk away and take another alley. But that was the one he was supposed to turn down! All the other alleys are either walled off or gated off and he wasn't about to go climbing over a damn wire gate. His soda would get too shaken up! Fuck!

Another foot goes in for another step forward. He's gotta get the fuck out of here. He could hear more commotion in the alleyway, a scuffle, a skirmish. He could hear someone cursing through a choked breath. A loud and nauseating crack echoes out from the alley, and yet, Soda takes another step forward.

This was stupid, he shouldn't be getting tangled up in someone else's business. What if something happened to all this soda?

Thankfully, it was that thought that actually got him to pause, and take in a deep breath. It wasn't worth it, maybe he should head straight home.

Atleast, that was the thought his heart and mind were about to agree on, until a particularly familiar grroowwwwlll bleeds out from the alley.

Emizel?

All reason immediately evaporates as Soda makes that connection in his head, stepping right up to the corner of the brick walls, and peering around to investigate.

There was a body on the floor, face down in a puddle of red, head split open in a way that reminded Soda of a smashed watermelon.

But standing over that body, was the familiar, blackened coat, and short blonde hair, of Sodas closest comrade, Emizel.

Despite the carnage on the floor, Soda couldn't help the smile that lights up his face. That was Emizel! That was his boy!

But before he could get over just how happy he felt to see his best friend, something else caught his eye. Movement, behind the dumpster closest to the vampire boy. A person, rising out from the shadows with a glinting baseball bat clutched fiercely in their hands.

"Oh fuck, look out!" Soda speaks up, and Emizels gaze immediately clicks over to him, silencing Soda with just that startlingly red stare.

He had forgotten just how uneasy those red eyes made him..

The attacker, silent and professional, rushes up behind Emizel and CRACKS the metal bat downwards onto his blonde head, the sound ringing out like a  gun shot  in that dark little alleyway.

Soda cringes from just the sound of the impact, but was amazed to find that the bat had warped under the force of it!

The attacker hardly had a chance to process his mangled weapon before Emizel whips around to retaliate.

It looked like he had just swung his hand at his opponent, so the way a shower of red spills outward from the slash, catches Soda completely off guard. The monster boy had cleaved an excruciatingly massive gash up from the attackers right hip, to his left shoulder, the slice spewing with scarlet.

 It wasn't until Emizel had pulled back his arm, that Soda could process the way it had darkened with more than just blood, distorted into an odd, spear-like shape.

The victim hardly had a chance to yelp before that blade swoops up into his chest at the speed of a snapping bear trap, plunging through meat and bone with disturbing ease, and forcing blood and viscera to erupt outwards. The red patters down onto the concrete behind, the sound similar to rain...

With another low, inhuman snarl, Emizel brings the twitching, dying body closer, until that signature squish of teeth sinking into fresh meat bleeds outward into the space.

What a disgusting sound, Sodas first instinct was to simply avert his eyes, but as the sound persists, he resolves that he has to do something.

He finally steps out into the alley, and speaks.

"Hey ma-"

He could hardly get two words out before Emizel suddenly rips its teeth away from its victims throat, tearing out a hefty chunk of jellied meat, and slamming the remaining fodder onto the concrete floor.

It immediately whips around to stare down Soda, red eyes glowing with reflected light, and with hardly a chance to process the moment-

-It's immediately right infront of Soda.

A gasp lurches from Soda's lungs as he almost stumbles back in shock. How was Emizel so fucking fast?

Other than that single step back, Soda was frozen in shock, his tongue buzzing with the physical pain of such a startling jolt. 'White boy jumpscare' is something that came to mind, but while usually such a thought would evoke some sort of laugh from Soda, this time it offered no such comfort. Okay maybe it did a little.

Emizels snarling face was only inches away from Sodas. Its eyes were wild and unnatural, teeth menacingly sharp and reddened with so much fucking blood. It was everywhere, coating most of his face, smothering his shirt and his coat, and absolutely choking the air with its thick, metallic stench.

Soda would gag if he felt he was safe to even move. He felt like he was locking eyes with that of a creature, something he would only ever see in his nightmares or in scary movies. But it was real. Those monsters are real. And his best friend is one of those monsters. His bestest friend in the world...

His mind was skewered on that unnatural glare, completely frozen with anxiety. Stalling too hard to come to a proper conclusion, Soda instead falls back onto what Soda does best.

"H-hey man... You want some soda?"

He very gently presses the opened bottle of Faygo into Emizels chest.

The two boys stand there for a moment, locked in a tense, silent pause, before the monster boy finally peels its gaze down to the bottle.

It's quiet, for a few seconds, the gears turning in its head. Until the monster blinks, and its eyes clear, and Emizel processes the sight of the bottle.

"Oh, fuck yeah dude, is that the Candy Apple Faygo? Man, that stuffs my favorite!" Emizel smiles as he goes to accept the bottle, and immediately takes a massive swig.

Soda tries to disregard the way his hands were still shaking. "Uh, n-nah man, its just Red Po-"

The words are bit off as Emizel suddenly retches, a heavy flood of red blood and red Faygo spewing out onto Soda, as the vampire boys body entirely rejects the fizzy drink.

The shock of getting fucking projectile vomited on had snapped Soda out of whatever daze he was just in, and it seemed to snap Emizel out of it too. Soda backs up with a groan, looking down at all the blood and bile and pop on his shirt and coat.

"Ohhh fuck dude, what the hell??" He cringes, not even wanting to try smearing any of it off with his hand.

Emizel was coughing, still holding out the Faygo bottle, but hunched over as his body dared to convulse again.

"Ohhhhhh fuck, ohhooohhh fuuuuucckkk" he grumbles towards the floor "Fuuuck I’m sorry dude, I don't know what fuckin- oohhhgg shit,” He coughs and groans,  offering the bottle back to Soda.

Soda was still staring at his messied coat with a displeased grimace, but looking up to meet Emizels eyes...

There was a guilt on Emizels face that Soda didn't see too often, and it helped wash away that irritation he felt. This sucked, but Emizel was probably going through a lot more. 

“It’s, uhm.. don't, don't worry about it, man..” Soda decides to reassure him, offering a sympathetic smile, and a hand on Emizels shoulder, as his comrade spits out the remaining blood and bile.

"Fuckin hell… I’m uh, I'm sorry about your shirt, man."

"What? Nahh it's okay man, don’t worry about it." Soda shrugs, taking the Faygo bottle back. "I mean, are you okay man? That uh.. looked like a pretty crazy fight."

Emizel was rubbing his eyes, smearing more blood across his face as he seems to be collecting himself. he spares a glance back at the carnage behind him.  

"Ah.. yeah.. I thought I uh.. I thought I saw that one fucker from uh. That one night. Yknow, the one that uh.." He snaps his fingers, as if trying to summon back the memory. "Vampire bitch... Anyway after that I just kind of, uh.."

He seems to space out again as he looks around. It was as if he was just woken up from a deep sleep, like he was certain he had just known what he was doing, but found the dream escaping him. "I guess I just.. went crazy on these guys. I dunno, they're Fangs anyways." he finally shrugs it all off, but Soda still felt unsatisfied by the answer.

"Oh.. huh…” is the only response he manages to scrounge together. Sure they were Fangs, but did they really deserve.. all that? It just seemed a bit brutal, even by Emizels standards.

He found his eyes wandering over to the split-open head. It was mostly red and bloody, but even in the dark, he could still make out some of the finer details of the gray jelly seeping from the gash. A human brain. He wondered if his own brain looked the same on the inside..

“So what are you doing out here, man?” Emizels question helps Soda pull his eyes away from the gore, instead looking over to his bloodied comrade.

Emizel looked messy and even exhausted, but his drowsy gaze was focused on Soda with a worried expression. 

“Oh, uh, yknow, just a soda run. Decided I would stock up on some Faygo from the Shady Shell.” Soda shrugs, his eyes flickering down to the opened Faygo in his hand. The top was covered in regurgitated blood. unnaturally blackened blood…

“Are you.. okay, by the way? Other than the whole..” Soda gestures vaguely at the gruesome crime scene. “Are you hurt?”

The question has Emizel pausing to consider. He straightens his back and stretches his arms, as if trying to detect any pain from any possible injury. Nothing seemed to be bothering him though, and after a second, he decides to shrug.

“Nah, I'm all good.”

“Oh.. That's good, I uh…” Soda found himself looking over Emizel aswell, searching for any wounds the monster boy might be simply disregarding, as he often does.

There was a fairly gnarly gash on his shin..

“Hey uh, I was actually gonna go hang out by the ledge down that way. Yknow, the one with the funny intersection.” Soda says, gesturing off towards where he intended to go. “Wanna come with?”

Emizel looks back that way, before turning back to Soda with a big smile on his face. 

“Oh hell yeah I do! I love the funny intersection!” he starts to walk down the alley, about to step over the body of the broken skull, when Soda speaks up.

“Uh, hey, shouldn't we uh.. Do something about the.. uh..” He waves a hand over towards the bodies, trying not to look directly at them. 

Emizel spares the corpses an inconvenienced glance, and a sigh, but ultimately shrugs them off. “Ehhh I'll just dump 'em in a dumpster again.. That's what I've been doing anyway.”

“And you're not worried about, like, anyone finding them?”

Soda anxiously watches on as Emizel paces around the body with the torn-out throat, licking the blood from his own mouth. Was his tongue always that long and pointed? That's neat, and normally Soda would point it out, but he was a bit.. preoccupied right now 

“Nahh not really. I haven't had anyone bother me at least.. Anyone been bothering you?” Emizels eyes finally flick back over to Soda. 

“Nah, I'd say things are actually more lax than usual. Anything that would end up being trouble’s been pretty much crushe- er, killed- destr- stamped out, by uh, by you.” Sods was cringing with every attempt to find a word that didn’t make his stomach turn, but Emizel didn’t seem to notice or mind.

Emizels eyes were currently a bit more focused on the body laying before him. He had that weird look on his face again… 

“Uhh, yeah, yeah that's good that uh, no troubles coming back to you guys…”

There’s a moment of quiet between the two as Emizel stares at this corpse, and Soda was about to open his mouth to fill the silence, but Emizel speaks up instead.

“Hey uh, why don’t you go ahead of me? I’ll uh, I'll meet you at the place.” He suggests, pointing vaguely off down the alley, but not removing his eyes from the kill. 

Soda certainly hesitates, his eyes narrowing before he even forms a thought. He opens his mouth to object, but then his eyes flicker back towards the body.

“Are you gonna eat this one too?”

The question leaves Sodas mouth as soon as it comes to mind.

Emizel pauses, and considers, before giving a shrug. “I don't see why not. Perfectly good blood.” He reaches down to grab his kill by the shirt, the one with the split open head. As the corpse rises from the concrete, gray matter drips and sloughs from the crack in its skull. Once again, Soda felt the need to look away, and yet his stupid eyes remained fixated on the horrendous sight. Emizel looks over the spilling brain of his meal, licking his lips curiously. “Dude, what do you think would happen if I ate his brain?” Emizel asks, looking back over to Soda with a wild, bloodied smile. Something about that look made Soda shiver, but.. Not really in a bad way… “Uh, I.. Dunno…. Eating a persons brain is how you get like, mad cow disease right? But you might also be immune to disease.. Are you immune to disease?” “Uhhh, I don't know yet actually. I'm still figuring out how much of this is like video games,” Emizel says, rubbing the back of his head as he idly sways the body of his kill around, watching the blood and gore drip and drop from its broken head. “Eh, I'll chance it later.” Without another word or thought, Emizel goes to sink his teeth into the shoulder of his kill, a pleased growl radiating from him as the blood gushes around the bite. More fresh blood upon less fresh blood upon old blood upon older blood. Just so much fucking blood. Soda thought he was used to seeing blood, but this… this was just egregious. Was he really starting to get used to this? It’s just blood after all, and it’s not from his comrades, so it's… fine… He finally manages to pull his eyes away from the gruesome sight of Emizel feeding, but his eyes instead wander down to the blood on his own shirt. Emizels blood was strange, darker than usual, and carrying a different scent. Something about the smell of his blood was more savory, more appealing than the standard metallic miasm. His shirt was smothered in it, his jacket was coated in it, and his opened bottle of Faygo was also splattered with the deep red ichor. Ink swirls within the bottle of red fizzy, spreading out into all sorts of odd patterns. It was a lot of blood. He was certain a lot of it came from however many people Emizels been feeding on. With how much hes been terrorizing the Fangs in just the last few days, and with how nonchalantly he feasts on his kills, who knows how much blood hes actually ingested… Soda swirls the bottle, watching the blood inside thin out into strands, dancing within the bubbly soda as they gradually dissipate, fully assimilating into the drink. A bad idea chews at the back of his head… The sound of ripping flesh once again knocks at Sodas head. He doesn’t look up this time, but he knew Emizel was just playing with his food again..  Did blood taste good to a vampire? Did some blood taste better than others? What did Sodas blood taste like? What did Emizels blood taste like? There's a visceral snap of something among the chewing and ripping, very clearly a bone or a joint snapping out of place. It made Soda shiver a little. When did his heart start pounding? There's an animal standing only 8 feet away from him, feeding on its kill. That animal is a person, and so is its kill. He wanted to know what vampire blood tasted like, but he already knew what human blood tasted like. It hung so densely in the air, he could feel it forming a vile film over his tongue. The blood of a person just like him. Eaten by an animal that eats people.  All this stress was no good. This bile rising to his throat was no good. This creeping anxiety was no good. He's friends with an animal that eats people. Would it eat him? This weird feeling was no good. Maybe it will never eat him. But it needs to eat people. This worry was no good. He needed to wash this awful taste from his mouth, replace it with something sweeter. He needed to keep his head clear enough to be there for Emizel when he needed to be. He needed to hold a light to these shadows. And he needed to stay positive, and drink soda. He takes a swig of the open Faygo bottle.

[nighty-night-nh]

Should've expected something to go wrong today, it is the ides of March, but I did not expect to spend 8 hours in a power cut. Thanks for that one Ceasar.

In other news, I read the entirety of Alex Rider - Skelton Key today! Great 3rd entry but also wtf do you mean their putting this 14 year old through the Unimaginable Horrors for 11 more books??? He's already had to deal with a nuke in this one??? Hello??? Alan Blunt I'm going to strangle you???

[thewulf]

Bit Sharky || Jake "Hangman" Seresin

Summary: Request - Can I request where Jake takes you swimming with sharks, maybe reader has always been afraid of sharks but he helps you conquer your fear 🦈

A/N: Got carried away with this one! Really enjoyed writing this pure fluff, enjoy!! :) Reader and Jake are not in a relationship in the beginning. Thank you for the request @emma8895eb

Pairing: Jake "Hangman" Seresin x Y/N

Word Count: 4.5k +

It was a gorgeous sunny day in southern California. The sun was shining, the breeze was blowing, the ocean was full of elated people. You on the other hand were an absolute nervous wreck as you looked at the ocean pool secluded to the side full of sharks. Peering over the side your heart began beating far too fast when you saw the swimming sharks just below you. How did Jake convince you to do this? How did he convince you to do anything? Your big fat, obvious, crush on the guy might’ve had something to do with it.

It was supposed to be a group of pilots going but suspiciously, one by one, everybody started to bail. Bradley had an emergency he needed to attend to. Nat’s mom surprised her with concert tickets. Bob’s brother was supposed to be coming into town. You had a feeling Nat had them bail so it was just you and Jake. She’d been trying to get the two of you together for the last month but kept missing the mark.

You didn’t want to commit to somebody who didn’t want to make a commitment back to you. He didn’t think you had any feelings for him. The classic case of two really good friends being dumb as hell. Nat was trying, she really was. This was her boldest move yet though. Just you and Jake, swimming with sharks. The one thing you thought you’d never, ever, do in life. They scared the absolute Jesus right out of you.

You were so focused on the sharks below you; you hadn’t heard the human behind you. Standing there with a big shitty grin knowing he was going to mess with you. He had to. It was too easy.

He tapped your back lightly knowing the slightest touch would throw you off balance with how far you were leaning over to look, “Don’t fall in now.” He snickered letting you lose your balance before grabbing you. He liked to tease not be completely mean.

You on the other hand froze. It felt like time stood still as you tried to find your footing where there was none. Why were you leaning over the pool so aggressively anyway? You weren’t athletic enough to figure this one out, so you’d simply accepted your fate of falling into the shark infested waters. It was all a blur up until you felt yourself being pulled back to a steady surface.

Then you felt his arm wrap around your waist bringing you to him. Talk about overwhelming. One second you thought you might be shark food and the next you were in Jake’s chest. Damn. If you weren’t so spooked

“Jake you fucking asshole!” You jumped back pushing yourself away from him. For a moment there you felt like a goner. Like maybe you’d really get eaten by fucking sharks today. You placed a hand over your heart trying to get it to calm the hell down.

He must’ve seen the fear in your eyes because the normal teasing that’d usually come next with him never did come. Instead, he walked over to you with an almost concerned gaze littering his normally cocky features, “Hey,” He grabbed your hand trying to get your attention, “You okay? I didn’t mean to freak you out.”

With your hand still over your heart you nodded, “Yeah. Sorry.” You looked away quickly embarrassed for the overreaction. What could you say? You were scared shitless. Sharks terrified you. That was even almost too mortifying to admit to him too. This was a mistake. A big mistake. You kept looking down just feeling your heart beating rapidly in your chest.

Jakes waving hand in front of your face snapped you out of it, “Y/N, you there?”

Snapping your head up to him you bit you lip, “Sorry, yeah.”

He shook his head, “You don’t have to apologize.” He paused, looking at you with both concern and confusion, “Are you sure you’re okay?” He asked again.

“Yeah. I just…” You stopped unsure of how to

He leaned forward urging you on, “You just?” His eyes looked straight at yours. You gulped knowing you weren’t getting away with this one.

Out with it then, “Sharks really scare me.”

You knew he wanted to smile. He really wanted to smile. But the nervousness that still crossed you made him stop. Instead, he reached for your hand grabbing it with gentleness. Slowly, he rubbed his thumb along your finger, “I’m surprised you agreed to come.” He let out the laugh now.

“You all but made me Jake! Threatened me and all.” You mumbled scrunching your nose up in fake irritation. You loved this. All of it. The attention, the touch, the closeness. You’d have to thank Nat for this later.

He finally let the laugh out that threatened to spill over so many times before, “Alright fine, but you could’ve said no.”

You shrugged, “It was supposed to be an entire group. It was going to be a lot easier to hide. I was planning on using Nat as a body shield” Your cheeks turned a little pink admitting it. He stepped a bit closer feeling the desire to be close to you. It was nothing new. Jake adored you. You never put up with his shit, always one upping him. You’re a challenge Jake had yet to figure out. He wasn’t sure if he ever was going to. You were a rarity. A gem. Diamond in the rough.

He smiled though, hearing you admit that. For somebody usually so sure of yourself come undone at the sight of sharks was oddly cute. It made you human. You weren’t completely fearless like you seemed to be. It gave him a touch more confidence with you. He needed it when it came to you. You had a way to make him question himself. Make him want to do better, be better. You pushed him further than anybody had before, and you weren’t even trying. What happened if you tried? Jake was half the man he thought he was when you were around. You brought the absolute best in him. The truest of him. He was his favorite person you were around. And thanks to his dumbass friends who surely did this on purpose he got to spend the afternoon with you. A new version of you.

Nat too nagged Jake about you. She was determined as determined could be. She tried everything in the book to get Jake to ask you out but failed time and time again. This was her last-ditch effort to get the two of you idiots to see what the hell she and everybody else saw day in and day out. That and she was exhausted. It was tiring to watch really.

Jake might as well give in right? If Nat went to all the trouble she was sure of it. That was the final push he needed to pursue you, “Would you believe me if I said I’m glad they bailed?” He quirked an eyebrow up knowing he’d catch you off guard with that one. Jake had known of you for years but had only known you for the last month. But he was sure, he was smitten with you. And within those four weeks he hadn’t once dared flirt with you. So, this, this was something you weren’t expecting. Not in the slightest.

He caught the slight catch of your breath in your throat as your eyes widened in surprise. Jake would be lying if he didn’t admit it made him a tad weak at the knees seeing you so vulnerable like that in front of him. Something changed in your gaze as you looked him over for what felt like the first time. He was so handsome. So, so devastatingly handsome. He was tanned, golden bronze that contrasted with yours so brilliantly. His unfathomable, emerald, green eyes contrasted with his complexion. His eyes were so deep and beyond expressive, you could get lost if you dared to stare long enough, you’d wanted to. His face had that faraway dreamy look in it, like he was just discovering you for the first time. His smile, which reached all the way up to those eyes and wrinkled them right on up, suddenly flaunted the modesty and humility he rarely showed. It was the first time you’d really seen the man. The moment you knew your fate was sealed. You’d loved him.

You nodded, “I believe you.” Blinking away the sudden lust that washed over you, you looked down at your hand that was laced within his.

He smiled seeing you shake away the lovestruck look you’d given him. Maybe Nat wasn’t joking around. Maybe you did have feelings. He just had to bring them out. Surely, he could do that.

“Good, now come on. Let’s go snorkeling with some very harmless sharks.” He tugged at your hand, but you stood your ground. Far too afraid to even set foot in that salt-water pool.

“I think I’m good actually.” You smiled sweetly at the man who wanted so desperately to spend more time with you.

You gulped as he shook his head, “No way darlin’.” That was the first time he’d ever called you anything other than by your name. You’d be a damn liar if you said your body didn’t react to that. A shiver ripped down your spine. That same blush from earlier coated your cheeks. If it wasn’t obvious you liked him before it was surely obvious now, “You don’t get to back out now. You made it all the way here. I’ll be with you the whole time.” He tried making you feel a bit better however he could.

“That doesn’t reassure me Jake.” You smiled brightly letting him know you were just playing. You’d trusted Jake with your life. He’d never put you in a situation beyond your control. He cared far too much to make you uncomfortable. He’d shown that time and time again.

“You’re lucky you’re cute.” He took a step forward wanting to be a little bit closer to you.

Your words failed you. Where in the hell was this side of Jake coming from? You’d never seen it from him before directed at you. You’d dreamed of it but now that it was smacking you right in the face it didn’t seem real.

“What?” Your mouth gaped open in disbelief. Why couldn’t you just play along with him? Why did you have to be so weak when it came to his advances?

He shrugged, “You heard me honey. Now, sharks?”

“Honey?” You were baffled. Was he doing it just to mess with you?

He grinned seeing the utter confusion on your face, “Sharks?” He countered your question with his own.

“What is going on?” You asked looking up at him earnestly begging for him to help ease your mind.

He shrugged again trying to play it off nonchalantly, “You ask a lot of questions.”

“You’re confusing the hell out of me Jake!” You didn’t raise your voice, but it was overly excited. You were overwhelmed. The sharks on top of this new incessant flirting he’d suddenly thrown at you was too much. You were able to fly jets all day but couldn’t handle this, the irony of life.

He knew just how to work you up, “You’re cute with that blush on your cheeks.”

“Oh my god.” You grumbled looking away. Another flush coated your cheeks at that comment from him.

He held his hands out once more stifling the laugh, “Sharks now, we can talk while we’re swimming.”

Begrudgingly you put your hand in his. He’d managed to embarrass you like twelve times in five minutes. This man was a menace to you. Knew how to get you worked up in all the right ways. He knew when to push your buttons and when to pull back. He had gotten to know you through and through. He’d explored different parts of your mind. Loving every single conversation, he got with you. Fell deeper and deeper for you each time he unlocked a new pathway, “Fine. But I’m using you as a shield.”

He grinned pulling you right along with him, “I was hoping you’d say that.” Giving your hand a squeeze for reassurance.

“Jake.” Your eyes look up to his. He laced his fingers in between yours as you walked over to the stand, “What are you doing?” You had to ask again knowing he wouldn’t budge, but you didn’t care. He was killing you.

He looked over at you with a cockier than ever grin on his face, “Talking to ya, what else would I be doing?” He feigned innocence.

You gave him a tight-lipped smile, cheeks hurting from how bad you were smiling, “You’re so annoying Jake.”

He pulled your hand, so you ran into his side, “But you love it. Don’t you?” He questioned keeping your arm close to his side. Even as you neared the stand with the equipment he kept you close.

“My lips are sealed.” You smiled in utter glee. Things had gone from painfully awkward to oh so natural in a matter of moments. He pinched your side in response. He grabbed your snorkeling gear fitting you up before slipping off his shirt. You tried your best not to stare but damn. How could you not? The man was fine as hell. You’d rarely seen him shirtless much less this damn close. You’d been caught when you heard him clear his throat.

You looked up cheeks aflame, “Like what you see?” He quipped wiggling his eyebrows right at you.

“Shut up, Jake.” You managed to look away. You’d turned away so you hadn’t seen Jake’s eyes trained right on you as you slipped off your cover up. You’d never felt terribly comfortable in bathing suits and now here you were baring it all for him. When you turned back he was staring right at you. Had you been that obvious just moments prior?

“Like what you see?” You had to give it right back to him, had to. With what little confidence you had left.

He nodded, his gaze broken once you spoke, “Oh darlin’,” His eyes snapped up to yours with desire dancing straight through them, “I love what I see.”

Jesus Christ. Where did this version of Jake come from? He was driving you absolutely wild with the flirtier than ever comments. And how in the hell had he done it so damn smoothly?

“You know,” His voice broke you from your thoughts, “You’re awfully cute when you blush like that.” He winked taking a step into the pool offering his hand out to you. You hesitated seeing a few sharks swim close to his leg already.

“Come on, then we can talk.” He used his fingers to summon you towards him. wondered what would prevail, curiosity and closeness to Jake or your fear of sharks. For yours and his sake you hoped it’d be the first. When you took his hand he gently pulled your feet into the pool. Giving you enough space to back out if you needed to.

“Okay I made it.” You squeezed his hand with a lot more force than he was expecting. You were scared. Scared terribly and he needed to protect you. He had to thank Nat later, he’d been waiting on an opportunity like this.

“That you did.” He gave your hand a gentle squeeze back trying to soothe some of your anxiety, “Do you trust me Y/N?” He asked you with nothing but a slight smile on his face. His concern for your comfort trumped the flintiness he so desperately wanted to throw at you.

You nodded quickly, “I do. But I swear if you toss me into the pool that will be the end of you.” Glaring at him he only shook his head laughing at your comment.

“No, no. I’m just going to hold you.” He corrected your anxieties stating that like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Your eyebrows shot straight to your forehead, “What?”

He loved watching you react to his words. Even he knew how jarring it must’ve been for you coming out of nowhere, but he had no plant to stop, “Just until you get used to the sharks is all.” He shrugged his shoulders taking a few more strides in. Your hand was stretching but he wasn’t pulling. He was guiding you but not forcing anything. He knew you needed the time. The worst thing he could do was force you to do something you didn’t want to. You needed a helping hand not one that hurt you.

“Is this just a ploy to get your hands on me?” You teased trying your best to not be the most awkward person in the world.

The cheeky little smile that crossed his lips sent you a message of his intentions, “Maybe darlin’. Maybe it is.”

You took a step shaking your head. Your eyes rose in fear seeing a few fish and some smaller sharks swimming right by him. He was waist deep in the water now gently pulling you along, “Hey, it’s okay. If you want to get out, we can.” He gave your hand a squeeze seeing the fear in your eyes.

“No,” You shook your head taking a hesitant step down, “I want to talk.” You were too damn stubborn to give up now. Not when Jake had all but promised to hold you close.

His tongue brushed over his teeth as he watched you take another step down, “Atta girl.” He winked knowing exactly what he was doing to you now. He knew exactly how his words made that cute little blush rise to your cheeks.

“Don’t do that.” You said quickly. Rosy red cheeks now seeming to permanently dawn your cheeks.

“Do what?” He played dumb once more driving you absolutely wild. How in the course of a few hours had he managed to completely flip the script on you?

Another step and you were finally level with him, “Say those things. If you don’t mean it.” You added quickly. Because you didn’t want him to stop. You really didn’t. But if he didn’t mean it you needed him to stop for your own sanity. You couldn’t take a flirty Jake with no intentions.

He wrapped his arms around you’re your abdomen pressing his chest to your back. Oh, so thankful for the water hiding the goosebumps that rushed down your body from the contact. He moved slowly to give you time to back out of the embrace. You didn’t though. You shamelessly wanted to feel his touch. As intimate as intimate could get. You were positive if he could feel your heart racing he could certainly feel it. Jake rested his hands on your hips, you didn’t know if your poor brain could comprehend much more. Not at the rate that he was dishing it out at you.

He leaned down to whisper in your ear, “Who says I don’t mean it darlin’?”

Feeling like your chest might explode from how fast your heart was racing you took a long slow breath trying to regain your jumbled mess of a brain, “Are we going to talk about it?” You asked looking forward, not daring to turn your face towards the eyes that were burning a whole in the side on your head.

“Sure.” He said gently holding onto you as he waded out a bit deeper with you in his arms, just like he’d promised.

You closed your eyes knowing you needed to ask the question, but he beat you to the punch, “Nat may have told me some things.” He paused unsure of how much he wanted to admit. When you only waited on him to continue he knew he should just tell you the truth, “A few weeks ago. Didn’t really believe it until this this afternoon.”

You laughed knowing she was going to eat this up the second you got back to the shared apartment between the two of you. She’d been putting in hours trying to get this to happen and here you were. In his arms in a pool full of sharks you’d nearly forgotten about because of him. Who would’ve thought? Not you, not you in the slightest this morning.

Thankful your head was turned forward, “What changed your mind?” You were curious, so damn curious where this side of him was coming from.

“That cute blush.” He whispered again. The smile that grew from his face was purely a reaction to your own. He felt the shiver that you tried to hide, “Can I tell you something?”

You nodded desperate for him to talk. Your silly little brain needed him to speak as it wouldn’t allow you to, “Nat’s been talking to me about you for almost three weeks.”

Turning your head up to look at him you couldn’t believe what you were hearing, “She has?” This woman was certainly on a mission.

He hummed in acknowledgement, “The second week we were here she said I was giving you ‘the look’ and hasn’t stopped since then.”

“Were you?” You asked far too curiously.

He nodded his head while your head was turned up to him, “That was the day you shot be down back-to-back. I don’t think anybody has done that before.” He admitted. He might not have toted himself as a relationship kind of guy, but he was for the right person. He absolutely was for you. Everything he wanted and so much more he was desperate. Desperate for your love.

You giggled seeing a small blush actually cross his cheeks, “Aww, little old me?”

He gave your hip a gentle squeeze as he stepped forward further. You were now completely in his embrace, too short to touch the bottom so he took the opportunity to hold you completely, “Kicked my ass. Got my attention sweetheart. You’ve had it since that day. Only continue to surprise me day in and day out.”

Your speedy heart kicked it up a notch at his words, “You mean that?”

“I mean every single word.”

With the last drop of confidence, you had you turned around in his arm, so you were chest to chest. Taking him off his game he sucked in a breath curious to see what you were doing, “I told Nat I liked you that day.”

“You like me?” He asked so unsure of himself. The most unsure you’d ever seen him.

You bit your cheek knowing it was time to just let it all out, “I do.”

The smile that came to him was one you knew you’d always want to see. One of pure elation and complete joy, “You just made my day pretty lady.” He pulled you completely into him, chest to chest.

He could surely feel your heart racing, “Yeah?”

“Mhmm.” He was looking right at your lips. The sharks had long since been forgotten about. It was just you and him in your own little world in the middle of the salt-water pool, “I like you too. A whole lot.”

Your gaze flicked from his eyes to his lips and then back up again, “What are we going to do about that?” You asked.

“We’re going to kiss, if that’s alright with you.” His eyes were locked in on yours making sure you were completely okay with what he was about to do.

You nodded desperately up at him, “Yes, please. It’s more than alright.” Your voice sounded needy. You desired him more than anything in the world.

“Atta girl.” He pulled you up so your head was level with his. You snaked your legs around his waist not really giving a damn how desperate you seemed. He kept hitting you with these one liners that made you question your sanity.

With his hands free he placed one behind your head gingerly and one across your back. He too was desperate to touch, feel, smell, taste all of you. He knew exactly what he wanted and what he wanted was clinging right onto him in the same dire state he was in.

Gently he pulled you into him. He kissed you so lightly at first you weren’t sure why he was holding back. You ran your hands through his finely styled hair that you were sure to destroy. You pressed yourself further into this kiss waking him up.

An urgent groan escaped him as the once light touch turned far more aggressive. Jake kissed you with more passion and desperation than you’d ever felt before in your life. Your eyes shut as you let yourself feel all of the moment. He ran his tongue around your lips asking for permission which you immediately granted. You felt him pull you closer, impossibly close. His hand on your head snaking through your own hair.

If it wasn’t for the air you had to breathe you would’ve stayed like that all day. But you didn’t get a good enough breath before he leaned in. A small pout crossed his face once you pulled away gasping lightly for the air you tried so long to hold out on.

You shook your head once the slight dizziness from the lack of oxygen subsided, “Jake, that was…”

“Incredible?” He cocked his head to the side studying your face with a look that told you exactly what you wanted, he adored you.

“More than.” You giggled giving him a quick peck knowing that’d take him by surprise.

He ran his hands down your back loving the way your body reacted to his touch. Goosebumps erupted from the spots he touched, “It’s a good thing I plan on doing that again. Many times. Many, many more times.” He clarified.

Your own smile was beginning to hurt from how long you’d seem to have been holding it, “I like that plan. I like it a lot.”

With a look of love adorning his handsome face he brushed a thumb along your lip, “I’m glad we’re on the same page darlin’.  Now, we’ve got plenty of time for that later. Want to go swimming?”

You squeezed your legs around his torso tightly letting him know exactly what you thought of that suggestion, “It’s… a bit sharky in here.”

He ran a gentle hand along your leg trying to calm your nerves, “It’s okay. They’re harmless. I’ll be with you the whole time.”

Your expression turned serious, “You’re lucky I like you. I wouldn’t do this for anybody else.” Reluctantly, you let your legs go from around his waist. Jake put your goggles on for you getting you ready to snorkel.

“I sure as hell am very lucky you like me beautiful.” He agreed with you as he put his own goggles on.

He knew all the right words to make you blush like a cherry red tomato, “You never stop, do you?”

He shook his head, “With you? Never my dear. I plan to never stop.”

With one last blush and grin you decided it was finally time to swim with the damn sharks. Jake took a second to admire you as you swam off. Admiring the way you conquered your fears so effortlessly. When you turned around to wave him on he knew he was all but done for. You had him wrapped right around your pinky finger.

Permanent Taglist (Message me or comment below if you want to be added!): @loving-and-dreaming @kmc1989 @memeorydotcom @matisse556 @buckylov3r @taygrls @ah-blossom @mayhemmanaged

[be-the-glenn-to-my-maggie]

Lets talk about soulmate aus:

Okay first, because I've been talking about this a lot with @dinas-bracelet shared dreamscape soulmates.

-Dreams are shared between soulmates, but they are just as trippy and confusing as anyone's dreams are. Sometimes one person gets sucked into another's dream and sees a piece of their world, sometimes its just a shared weird dream vibe. It's very difficult to communicate through them with your soulmate until a tsaheylu has been made before.

-I'm not gonna mention jeytiri too much to leave that shit for Chloe but like, the idea of Neytiri falling asleep just to see kid Jake hiding under the bed and just hiding with him or Jake going to sleep and running around in the forest with Neytiri while she's like "Come on, Sylwanin!" The POSIBILITIES.

-Kinda vibing with locorro for this one. I'd imagine Lo'ak and Spider have bonded before, and growing up together has strengthened their ability to communicate in their dreams. They are well practiced.

-I just like the idea of them meeting every night to compare how hard their days were.

Spider: HELLO SOULMATE, TODAY I WAS TORTURED. DON'T WORRY THO I ONLY HAVE A LITTLE BRAIN DAMAGE AND I BROKE ONLY TWO FINGERS TRYING TO SMASH MY WAY OUT OF MY CELL.

Lo'ak, trying to make him feel better but he's doing a really shit job: I ALMOST GOT EATEN BY A SHARK THING BUT THEN I DIDN'T, TOP THAT.

Spider: STOPPED THEM FROM BURING DOWN A VILLAGE.

Lo'ak: FUCK.

OKAY NEXT soulmarks:

-we talked about the name one, with a soulmark being the soulmates name written on your skin. What makes this one tricky though is that the Na'vi do not have a written language. I like this, because it means the Na'vi would likely have a different type of mark. I think it would be an image of their spirit animal that they would see during their uniltaron on the other persons body. That gives us a TON of possibilities.

-We can have jeytiri where Jake's mark is toruk on Neytiri because he will become Na'vi. This allows them to not know each other and for Jake to be real fucking confused by his soulmark all his life lol.

-BUT FOR LOCORRO, lol. We talked about Lo'ak's mark being just Spider's name. BUT BEAR WITH ME. What makes him different than Jake? If we decide Jake is born destined to be Na'vi why not Spider hmm?

First words your soulmate says to you written on your body:

-this one is just funny for jeytiri skskskks

-BUT ALSO: for spiri

-I imagine them meeting in the lab, and Spider's words are on his arm and it just says "Hi!" in English. I imagine no one is greeting him very much lol. Not in a mean way, they just know he's there and he's never been outside to meet any strangers.

-Kiri's say "Me?" because this clown couldn't fathom he was being addressed.

One of those they feel each others pain aus:

-I feel like this one HAS to be nocorro just for the ultimate pain.

-Kid Spider gets cut on a broken beaker that he knocked off a table and tried to clean up at Hells Gate, and kid Neteyam all of a sudden starts crying and won't stop telling Jake his hand hurts. Jake takes Neteyam over to Norm to ask if he has any suggestions for soulmate injuries for kids (Jake himself never had any when he was young because Neytiri wasn't born yet, same for Neytiri because Jake was in cryosleep for a long ass time). Instead they find Norm stitching up the same hand on Spider.

-Jake is really excited, because it's so rare for someone to find their soulmate so young. He's confused when Neytiri isn't excited, she jsut starts crying. When he asks her why she's like "that human boy is going get hurt a lot, and eventually, he will die. Young. And our son will feel all of it."

-Rip Spider getting kidnapped and Neteyam falling the fuck off his ikran when Spider starts getting tortured

Jake: get up kid we gotta go or we're gonna die

Neteyam: I'M SORRY I FEEL LIKE I'M BEING TORTURED??

-WE CAN GO EITHER WAY, WE CAN HAVE NETEYAM DIE AND SPIDER LYING NEXT TO HIM FEELING IT OR WE CAN HAVE HIM LIVE AND GET SHOT BUT THEY BOTH ARE LIKE, ON THE BRINK FEELING IT.

A very popular one is the one where you can't see colors until you see your soulmate.

-I don't vibe with this one as hard, because it makes me sad that people wouldn't see the beauty of Pandora from the get go! But I find the idea of Jake seeing the bioluminescence but also color for the first time a cool cool vibe.

One of those tattoos that changes color depending on what your soulmate is feeling things.

-Just kinda funny that Spider's soulmate would be like why is this motherfucker sad as shit all time time? Where is my sad ass soulmate??

These next few are not that serious but the ideas have funny implications:

You have a meter of how in-danger your soulmate is.

-JUST THE IDEA OF SPIDER'S SOULMATE STARING AT THE CONSTANT IN DANGER METER THE ENTIRE LIKE SEVERAL MONTHS HE'S WITH THE RECOMS GETS ME.

You feel intense pain in your soul when your soulmate is in life-threatening danger.

-Literally same thing here, it's like, Neteyam probably walking around like "ow ow ow ow" trying to live his daily life in Awa'atlu.

Your soulmate’s current thoughts about you will show up on your skin for a short while.

-This one is hysterical, again, for jeytiri. Na'vi don't have written language tho so there would have to be a different thing for them, but IMAGINE the implications. Jake staring at his arm while the meanest things Neytiri can even think of are just floating around. Neytiri, pissed, as downright vulgar shit appears on her stomach from Jake.

[eeveecryptid]

※ RESIDENT EVIL: WELCOME TO RACCOON CITY ( 2021 )

lines through the movie because - hello - i adore just how well done it was. feel free to adjust pronouns/phrasing if needed. May include nsfw material.

“s/he's here again. s/he was watching me.” “try and get back to sleep before (name) finds you in my bed.” “what are you doing out of bed, little girl/boy?” “s/he sleepwalks sometimes since our parents died.” “you're a good boy/girl for taking such care of your sister/brother/sibling.” “that must have been quite some dream.” “i almost shit my goddamn pants.” “if i knew you were gonna be screaming in your sleep, i would've left you at the side of the road.” “you know, one might have nightmares heading back into that shithole town.” “hey, why don't you just take a seat and leave the poor kid alone, huh, (name)?” “ten bucks says you can't shoot that off from here.” “twenty says i can knock the bottle without even looking.” “you snooze, you lose- it's (sender's name)'s sandwich now.” “i heard that you shot your partner in the ass during training.” “heard that your daddy, some big shot on the force, had to bail you out.” “what's the 'S' stand for? stupid?” “sooner they shut this whole town down, the better, as far as i'm concerned.” “we're nice people once you get to know us.” “s/he's only got eyes for the big fella, and I don't fancy your chances against him.” “you really shoot your own partner?” “still pining after (name), i see.” “never gonna happen, bro.” “i see you wax your chest now.” “after you ran away, (name) was the closest thing i had to family.” they raised me, put me through school, the academy-- they were there for me.” “where were you? i haven't even heard from you in five years.” “they've been trying to contain that shit, but the genie is out of the bottle now, and i don't think it's going back in.” “what kind of person can pick a lock like that?” “it's kind of impressive, but also, what the fuck?” “i'd never let anything hurt you.” “lock-pick the door behind you when you leave-- and don't touch the bike!” “what would the worst way to die be? to be swallowed whole by a snake or eaten alive by a great white shark?” “you're a freak, (name).” “i plan on dying peacefully in bed, snuggled in (name)'s big burly arms. “you said 'everyone into the briefing room,' so- here i am.” “i didn't mean you, you moron. not you, (name), everyone else. “what if someone wanders in and there's no-one behind the front desk? an old lady's looking for her cat or something.” “i'm sorry, (name), is that important? a new girlfriend?” “maybe you could take her out to eat at Planet Hollywood.” “they have a new one in Gatlin- oh, they got a great salad. little wine.” “maybe just take her back to your apartment, rent a movie at Blockbuster, get cozy on the couch, or put on some Journey.” “Steve Perry's voice, what it does to a woman's heart, huh? am i right?” “sounds like i might be getting laid.” “leaving, that's what they want. so they can destroy my life's work.” “it's okay, little girl/boy, because we've found you a new family.” “don't worry about your brother/sister, s/he'll be coming along as well, in due course.” “we would never separate the two of you.” “who are you gonna call? you're the police.” “i'm no medical expert, but i think that guy might just be beyond saving.” “congratulations, rookie, on the promotion.” “i'm sure your father would be incredibly proud that his pathetic specimen of a child is rising so quickly through the ranks.” “someone should confiscate that.” “the faster we find them, the faster we can get the fuck out of here.” “so you're (name)'s little sister/brother, huh? i didn't think the two of you spoke.” “my parents died in a car accident when i was eight.” “my brother and i grew up in an orphanage here.” “i ran away a long time ago.” “i had to learn to handle myself quickly.” “you're probably wondering what a guy like me is doing as a cop, right?” “oh yeah, no, he's fucking fine, yeah. who doesn't cough up a little blood on the floor when they're feeling sick? just a little cold.” “of course he's not fucking okay, man, look at him.” “you're no einstein, are you, buddy?” “get your shit together, or you're not gonna make it through the night.” “i just really want to get out of this town.” “i don't know who they are. i don't know, and i don't care.” “they're just some people with a vested interest in getting hold of whatever dirty secrets Umbrella are keeping down there and exposing them.” “come on, (name). don't look at me like that. it's just money, alright? and they have plenty of it.” “it was just a way of getting out of this . . . small town, dead-end life.” “you were just gonna leave us?” “we have to find (name 1) and (name 2) and tell them (name 3) is dead.” “come on, these are your friends!” “they bought you off, didn't they? they paid you to keep quiet about all the shit they were doing in here.” “now they've left you to rot in the gutter like the rest of us.” “don't be so damn naïve.” “you got some weird friends.” “(name 1) betrayed us, (name 2). s/he was gonna leave us here to die.” “we have to follow him/her, 'cause i think it's our only way out of here.” “this is my life's work. i'm not giving it to anybody.” “i'm not really offering you a choice here, pal.” “you didn't have to make it like this.” “what the hell is wrong with you?” “this is so fucked.” “jesus, (name), you and that fucking gun.” “i wouldn't have pulled the trigger, kid.” “did you really believe you could be part of my family?” “oh, such a sweet little soldier. such a loyal drone.” “how could you be so dumb when your sister/brother's so smart?” “i almost feel sad having to kill you. almost.” “i should have taken you and your sister/brother down to the lab. you would have made excellent specimens.” [ to an attacker ] “get. the fuck. away. from my brother/sister.” “this is really nice, but i think i broke some ribs.” “we got to get the fuck out of here, Umbrella is gonna level this place.” “trust me, i'm as surprised as you are, buddy.” “i should've listened to you a long time ago.” “i may have scratched the paint on your bike.” [ to a monster ] “hey! you ugly fuck!” “a rocket launcher? Found it in first class.” “i don't understand, i thought i was dead.” “what happened to my eyes? i can't see.” “it's a side effect, one of the things we had to do to bring you back. there will be others.”

[dirtdawgskenn]

Going to an Aquarium with the Phantom Troupe.

(This probably isn't that great but i thought the idea was funny.)

(THIS PHOTO AHAHGE)

-God knows how this idea even came up. 

-Maybe someone mentioned going, maybe Chrollo decided it was a way for the troupe to get closer, perhaps it was just a way to fill in the time. 

-Whatever reason it was, they ended up in a Aquarium. 

Chrollo:

-Carefully admiring the fish. Slowly walking up to each and every tank, taking it all in, but absolutely not for the reason you think.

-After awhile Chrollo goes up to an employee to ask about the prices on the sea horses. 

- “Prices? Oh no sir, none of the aquatic life in this building is up for sale. I would be happy to show you the way to the gift shop though.”

- He is so confused, Chrollo just doesn’t understand.

-Walks to the gift shop to see what types of fish are there.

-Instead of fish he finds tee-shirts, keychains, and stupid overpriced stuffed animals.

-Is this some type of joke?

-Walks up to a different employee and starts questioning them.

-Asks about every kind of fish he has the slightest interest in owning.  

- Probably will ask for the manager after the third worker he talks to explains they can’t sell him any of the fish. 

-Might sneak in later if he really wants some fish that badly.

Hisoka: 

-Hisoka didn’t want to go.

- At first, he followed Machi around, but got bored after being ignored for 5 minutes.

-Wandered around aimlessly until he saw a few little kids by themselves around the shark tank.

- Now he is standing around the shark tank, talking to unattended children.

-Most likely tells them that the employees feed the sharks children who get lost in the aquarium or all the misbehaved kids get thrown in with the sharks to be eaten alive, something like that.

- He does this for about 20 minutes before a employee overheard and had him sent to the mangers office.

-He wasn't banned but was given a warning before being escorted out. 

Shizuku:

-You wouldn't know it but she was one of the members who was actually excited to go.

-Doesn’t care for the birds, seals, and penguins too much.

-Instead she loves fish!

-She just really loves fish.. a little too much.

-Shizuku is the one pressed up against the glass creating a foggy mark.

-Standing in one spot for a long time blocking the view for everyone else. If someone asks her to move she will ignore them.

-Almost like a little kid. 

-Shizuku was so focused on watching the fish she barely made it half way through the first floor when everyone else was ready to leave.

-Super disappointed.

- Franklin offered to stay behind with her so she could see everything. 

Feitan: 

-Feitan wasn’t the slightest bit happy about this trip to the aquarium. 

-He thought they were dirty, boring, and he hated all the screaming children. 

-Tried to stay in the car, but Phinks influenced him to go in. 

-Looked at everything in the building quickly, then stood by the entrance ready to go wait inside the car.

-Just before he was about to leave he saw an tank with penguins.

-He stood at the railing that overlooked the tank and watched the penguins do literally nothing. They just stood around.

- Started throwing trash that was on the ground at the penguins.

-Phinks saw him and joined in shortly after. 

-Both of them laughed and called the penguins mean names all while throwing soda can after soda can.

-They both got kicked out, and were banned from the aquarium for life. 

Phinks: 

-He influenced Feitan to go inside since he didn’t want to go either. 

-As soon as he walked in Feitan went off by himself anyway.

- Phinks thought all the fish were lame. 

-He looked around the gift shop the made his way to the seals. Then found Feitan throwing trash at the penguins. 

-Phinks lifted the nearest trash can off the ground over to the penguin tank.

-Threw trash with Feitan until he saw a worker stomping over. 

-Before the employee got too close, he threw the entire trash can into the tank. 

(Smh..)

Pakunoda:

-Going the aquarium wouldn’t of been her first option, but she didn’t mind going along with everyone. 

- Had a great time actually.

- Sat in at the seal show, watched them do tricks for about an hour. 

-Bought some food with Franklin and bought something small at the gift shop.

-She bought a small keychain with a little seal on it!

-Spent the day by herself but she didn’t mind. 

-Once the troupe met up after, everyone made fun of her for buying the keychain. 

- Franklin

-Didn’t have an opinion about going. 

-Looked around at the tanks on the first floor.

-Got some food with Paku before heading to the second floor.

- He was starting to enjoy his time, peacefully watching the fish.

- He snapped out of his thoughts when he heard snickering and laughing.

-Turned his head a bit to see two teenage girls whispering to each other, snickering, and pointing at him. 

- His mood was ruined. 

-After that he didn’t want to be there anymore.

- He went back downstairs and stood with shizuku until everyone else was ready to leave. 

-Offered to stay behind for shizuku though. 

-Poor Franklin..

Uvogin:

-Uvogin and Nobunaga were both drunk out of their minds.

-Uvogin thought they were going on a mission until they were standing in line for tickets.

-Told Nobunaga to get him a ticket as he ran back to the car to grab the last few beers that were left.

-After going inside Nobunaga and Uvogin stumbled to each of the fish tanks.

-Both of them compared the fish to other things that were gross and mean, then laughed hysterically about it.

-Then at one point nobunaga went to the bathroom.

-Uvogin ‘accidentally’ smashed open the glass to one of the smaller enclosures with some type of sea bird in it.

-Uvo jumped up and down booming with laughter as the birds squawked and flew everywhere. 

-Nobunaga was quick to run over and drag Uvo out of the Aquarium before they got in trouble.

-Uvogin passed out in the car while waiting to leave. 

Nobunaga:

-Mentioned before, Uvogin and Nobunaga were very drunk. 

- Had a fun time with Uvogin before he needed to use the bathroom. I guess he drank a little too much.

- Once he walked in two employees on their lunch breaks, eyed him down.

-After doing his business, he walked over to wash his hands before being stopped by the two workers.

-Both employees demanded that he threw out the alcohol since it wasn’t allowed, and many people under the influence have caused damage in the past.

(Little did they know..)

-It was a half empty beer can, but that didn’t matter to Nobu.

-Nobunaga wasn’t having it. All three argued back and forth, until a huge shatter, screams, and other unrecognizable noises could be heard from outside the bathroom.

-Nobunaga knew damn well what it was. He dashed out into the hallway grabbed Uvo and ran out. 

-Scolded Uvogin once they made it inside the car, before he passed out.

-Watched the news about it later..

Shalnark:

-It was probably his idea to go the aquarium if anything.

-The whole car ride he looked up everything about the aquarium and kept talking about it until they got there.

-It pissed everyone off.

-He knew where everything was and was way too excited, he could barely wait.

-Shalnark did so much research he already knew where everything was and he decided to start with the dolphins. (His all time favorite animal.)

-Almost was skipping to the dolphin enclosure.

-He stopped right in front of the tank.

-He stared in for a moment then realized the tank was empty. Looked around the area frantically for a employee, and ran up to the first one he could spot.

-Apparently they were not in this aquarium right now and the employee didn’t know why either.

-Shalnark was almost in tears as he shouted at the employee about how they needed to update their website and the aquarium was spreading false information. 

-Two more workers came up and tried to calm him down.

-Everyone that walked by stared at the scene that Shalnark was causing.

-He sat down on one of the benches afterward and waited till it was time to leave. 

-On the car ride back he stared out the window and ignored everyone. 

Machi:

-Hisoka was pissing her off and ruining her time. 

-After he left she got a bit of peace from his teasing.

-Until she felt a tug on her sleeve, she was about to lash out on this clown.

-She whipped her head around to find a little boy staring up at her.

“I lost my mommy.. could you help me?” 

-She wasn't angry anymore, but still visibly annoyed.

-This isn’t the way she wanted to spend her day at the aquarium, but she couldn’t just leave the kid, right?

“Fine..” Machi huffed out.

-Machi tried to lead the kid up to the front desk, but it was extremely difficult when the kid was so focused on each enclosure and sign he came across.

-It was like the kid didn't care that he was lost at all.

-Once she got him to the front desk she planned to go back to the tank she left off at. 

-Until the little boy asked her to wait.

-For some reason, she did.

-Once the kid’s mom came to get him, Machi started to walk back to where she left off.

-Just then Chrollo told her it was time to leave.

-She was super angry.

(I HOPE ANYONE WHO READS THIS THE ENTIRE WAY LIKES IT)

Please give me requests for other things i could write about.

Thx <3

[jkknight98]

Coastal Waves

Pssts, I know it's late but I promised you guys a story, right? Wow, this took me forever to do with irl stuff taking up my time, but who would guess this ended up being 8 pages long, not me! But I hope you guys enjoy this next story in this accidental merman series I created.

Warnings: abuse themes, soft vore, hard vore mentions, character viewed as property rather than individual.

Dream was pissed as he tried not to throw his cell phone across the room, the faint voice of Sapnap just adding to the ever-growing stress headache, how could so many years of hard work go to waste just like that! He worked too damn hard to find a viable Mer egg case that wasn’t just a lousy shark one that they imitated and nearly lost an arm when he took out the guarding parents at the nesting sites, he can’t have lost his property now. He brought a hand up to his face to feel the pale scar that ran from his left brow, across his eye to his nose, remembering the pink-haired merman that he fought a while back during his…research collecting. That was the only fish he halfway respected but also hated them as they were an ambassador.  He remembered almost punching the television when he saw that blank-faced bastard behind the blond one as the treaty was signed, why should he be friendly to a talking goldfish? After everything, their species had done, and more than likely still did?

 “Dream?? What do we do about Tommy, how do we find out who took him?”

Sapnap’s voice continued to be grating on his ears as he sighed,” I have cameras in the house, I’ll be able to watch the footage while you get over here, so hurry up.” He ended the call before the man could respond, quickly walking over to his computer to check over the files, starting from today up to the day he left the mer… and couldn’t help but snarl in rage at the sight he saw. The door was broken down by men in black suits, a familiar-looking brunette, and finally the pink hair bastard striding in like he owned the place. Dream couldn’t help but sweep the books off his desk in rage, of course, it would be him. He was almost ready to slam the laptop shut when he watched the interactions between the three Mers and felt his mouth drop as the pink-haired Mer drank a large glass of water … before they swallowed his Tommy whole. It seemed to almost talk to its middle before the group left, why in the world would they eat their offspring that way, did they want to make him last longer? There was no way to recover his property now… He almost kicked the table, but Dream was quickly struck with a thought… what if they didn’t truly eat Tommy… He rolled over to one of his journals, flipping through the worn pages until he got to the sketched anatomy of the mer... and noted how in a human the esophagus would solely lead to the stomach, but it branches in mers. One pathway led to a stomach more powerful than any human’s, but the other led to a separate organ… one that shared a wall with a lung… which meant it also received oxygen. The perfect place to store away tiny offspring that could easily be eaten by a predator, nothing can get them if you eat them first. Just like mouth-brooding fish species…only with more foolproof protection.

Dream couldn't help but let a smile grow across his face… this means he could get his Tommy back, and all his hard work didn’t go to waste.

=`=

Phil sighed softly as he sorted through the paperwork at his desk, using his free hand to roll around a dark purple scale, gods above did he hate doing this stuff? ‘Why did humans have to make things so complicated, things were so much easier when his kind was allowed to just eat them, but now he has to act all civil with them due to the treaty.’ He lifted up the newspaper as the humans called it and smiled at the picture of him and his sons, marveling at how it captured their likeness completely in the flimsy material, ”at least some humans make exciting things.” His thought drifted to how his dorsal fin had a massive chunk missing from it thanks to a fisherman's gaff hook, there were some nasty ones out there… especially the one his boys were currently trying to find, that masked bastard had attacked multiple nesting sights and had the gall to attack one of his son's head on. The only reason he managed to escape was thanks to spraying his son in the face with a burning liquid. It took ages for the pain to fade in the water, but the human had already fled by that point and couldn’t be found.

Speaking of which, his boys should have arrived back here ages ago, he rumbled quietly in his chest slightly as he worried, he knew that the recon mission was dangerous. He should have just sent humans to scope out the house, sure they would have been fodder for any traps the masked one had, but it would have meant his pod was safe. He jerked with his phone rang on the desk, another human device that had good uses, and sighed in relief as he heard Wilbur’s voice on the other side,” are you boys alright, did you find them, Why aren’t you home yet?” His anxiety over his children's safety eased as his youngest laughed through the speaker, making his heart rate slow as he listened to every word with his full attention.

“We didn’t find them, but we did find some documents with a name, apparently the bastard's name is Dream….but we do have a very interesting surprise for you when we arrive home. Can you set up the pool with a finer filtration system and set the water to be warmer for when we get back?”

This made Phil hum in confusion as he moved to stand, slipping the scale into his pocket and putting the papers back into a neat stack on his desk,” You know that Techno likes the temperature cooler and he’ll be pissed the next time he swims, but why do I need to set up the finer filtration, one of you aren’t sick right?” He couldn’t help but give a concerned whine at the thought of them being sick and not close enough for him to care for them, how can he not worry for them when they were the only ones to survive the spawning?

His son let out another pearl of warm laughter on the other side of the phone, making Phil want to hum in response“ Like I said we are bringing home a surprise for you to see, and Techno won’t complain that much about the heat when you see what we’re bringing.”There was a faint rumbling on the other side of the phone that almost sounded like the same parental noise that Phil had done, but there was no way the two of them would be making that sound.

Phil just sighed again as he entered the large pool room as the humans would call it, it was almost as if a mini ocean was placed into the human building, filled with every manner of sea life imaginable to keep them from feeling too homesick as they finish their work with the humans. He stuck a hand inside the water to gently stroke the back of the rescued sea turtle that Techno lovingly named Carl,” Alright but just ease your old man's heart and get home soon.” 

`%`

Techno couldn’t help but rumble happily as he felt the guppy in his pouch wriggle around, enjoying the slowly dropped-in shrimp pieces, basking in the instinctual feelings long thought to be non-existent in himself; until now. He mildly rubbed at his pouch as he thought of names for his new guppy. ‘Did they already have a name from before they were in the human's control, would they even want a new one, ..... I think Theseus would fit them really well..’

He jumped slightly when a hand slip up to sit next to his own, his body acting defensively as he snarled at the possible threat while protecting his middle, but relaxed slightly as his brother held up his hands,” whoa Technie, it's just me, I just wanted to feel the guppy.” He lowered his lips back over his teeth as he relaxed slightly, it was just Wilbur and he knew he would try to take his guppy, he was his brother after all. He slowly moved his hand aside as his brother's cool hand moved to take its place, it was a foreign sensation that almost made him twitch away, much like how he normally did whenever he was touched by anyone. This was worse since his body seemed to realize that his core held such extremely precious cargo, but his mind knew that his brother was family and wouldn’t hurt the tiny guppy, he shivered as the child pressed back at the exploring hand.

()-()

Wilbur couldn’t help the low purr that rumbled out of his throat when he felt the small pressure press back against him from under his brother’s skin, just faintly hearing the curious chirping from within, there was the little guppy. He let the smile fall from his lips as he looked up to Techno with a more grim expression, ”He looks very young, but to be as small as he is and still use human speech that well, he should be much bigger..” Techno let out a slightly angry hiss at what he knew his brother was suggesting, like most species of fish, mers were semi-indeterminate growers and would only grow in size if they had adequate food in their environment. Their newest guppy was clearly much older than their size let on, which meant that the tiny tank and limited food the human gave them indicated that they stopped growing in size to conserve their energy, to be able to speak that well-meant they should be closer to human size.

“He needs to get a lot higher quality foods if we are going to correct his size problem, maybe some high-grade tuna or something redder if you catch my drift.” Wilbur watched as Techno’s eyes slid to look at the human driver in thought, “but not our employees, we can source some later when they're settled.” He chuckled slightly as his brother leaned back into his seat and the driver let out the tiniest breath of relief, man humans were fun to mess with, but he had somewhere else to focus. He brought his face closer to his brother's chest and let out his own croons to the guppy, muttering out the mer words for family, they were safe, and how happy he was. His higher and more melodic crooning was soon matched by the gruffer and monotone croons from Techno, leaving the car filled with a symphony of sounds only known to the darkest depths of the ocean…. 

And leading the poor human driver to grip the steering wheel tighter as their skin crawled with the instinctual thought of “This isn't for human ears….I would die just hearing this if I wasn't an employee.” 

*`*

Tommy was very confused by everything that was happening to him, one minute he thought he was going to die from the giant mer swallowing him, but now he didn’t know that was going to happen. He was being fed his favorite food despite not doing anything to deserve the reward and the mers were speaking the forbidden words…but he couldn’t help but chirp happily to them, like a hidden part of himself was finally set free. The walls of the stomach around him rumbled with every word the big mer spoke. It was very scary at first, but the warm walls gently rubbing his skin made him feel more at ease than ever in his life. This was even better than when Dream would take him out of his tank to hold him, letting him rest on the man's chest so he could hear his heart, it was the one reward he strived for the most. But now it felt like he was even closer to the Mer’s heart than he ever was Dream’s, and he couldn’t help himself but press himself back against the mer’s hand. He let out his own chirps when he heard the voice of the second mer, they were brown-haired if he remembered correctly, but their voice sounded so pretty! They were just like the human voices that came out of the Tv and radio, but better as they spoke in a language that made everything in his body react, not just his ears. Then the larger mer started their own rumbling chirps around him and his entire being was being shaken by the two voices, and he couldn’t stop himself from joining in, chirping loudly as he frantically swam around the organ and letting his hands and fins brush the warm surfaces.

He was so happy, and he couldn’t imagine things becoming better than they already were.

=`=

Phil couldn’t help but let out a low trill of relief as he watched the car pull into the driveway and saw his two boys exit the vehicle, quickly making his way outside to check them over for any injuries, making his way to Wilbur first and gently patting him down. “What took you so long, it was just supposed to be a recon mission and you managed to bust into one of that human’s hideouts??” He let out a displeased rumble when Wilbur laughed off his checking and told him to calm down, he then turned to Techno and froze when the taller let out a low growl when his hands drew near. It made a matching growl rumble in his chest, he was the eldest and pod leader of the group and he did not stress over his son’s health to have his authority challenged,” Now why the fuck are you growling at me Techno…” 

The humans in the vicinity were amazed to watch the giant 6’4 pink-haired mer that they had seen destroy a car once before when he got frustrated with it cower down to the only 5’9 blond mer, bringing the mental image of a burley Rottweiler cowering to a lithe hound. Phil was close to snarling out a challenge but he whirled when his other son placed his hands on his shoulders, Wilbur wearing a stressed and submissive smile. “Remember the surprise I talked about Dad, Techno is just being a bit protective about it, he’s not challenging you.”

Phil let the snarl fall as he looked back towards Techno, relaxing as the larger one nodded and only brought his arms around his body in a defensive but clearly submissive posture, leaving the elder the sigh at his own behavior. “I’m sorry Techno, I was so ready to come to find you boys, I guess my stress got the best of me.” He slowly brought his hand over to his son’s shoulder and smiled gratefully when the pinkette purred lowly at the parental contact, his instincts really did jump the wave crest there. He was still curious about the surprise his boys promised, especially as Techno grew closer to him and Wilbur to purr louder, a behavior his son rarely did.

`%`

Technoblade was immensely happy at this moment, he was with every member of his pod and was going to share his guppy with his father, nothing more could be right with the world. He couldn’t help but lightly compress his storage around the guppy and purr louder when they wriggled, he needed to refresh their water after introductions, they needed quality treatment after being kept in that dingy tank not even fit for a mucksucker. He took a deep breath as he entered the pool room, feeling almost at home with the salty smell, especially when Carl poked his head above the water and quickly swam to the edge closest to them. He gave the turtle a gentle stroke before moving to strip off the restrictive human clothing he was forced to wear, though he did enjoy the white ‘button down’ with its golden buttons, and let his body slide into the almost too-warm water. His human legs fused together as the outer covering of human-like skin dissolved away, showing off the scarred pink scales and blood-red fins that flared at the opportunity to stretch out, as well as the protective slime coating that once sealed his gills so he could breathe like he missed doing.

A pair of splashes drew his eyes open to see his brother and father already in the process of changing, his brother's blue scales almost appearing invisible if it weren’t for the stripes of pale yellow and his father's dark green and black scales shimmering from the displaced rays of light, making him feel almost nostalgic. He brought a hand up to gently press at his storage as he let out a low rumbling purr, giving a soft rumble of guppy safe before starting the process of releasing the tiny mer.

*`*

Tommy gave a sharp chirp of panic as the soft walls pressed into him, flattening down his fins and trapping his arms to his sides, not knowing what was happening as he distinctly felt himself being moved. The big mer didn't change his mind did they, or did he do something wrong to be punished by them? He ate all the shrimp they gave him even if it made his stomach hurt a bit, but he was still being good right?? He froze in his wriggling as his upper half entered the mouth of the giant mer, completely fearful as the jaws slowly parted to let water flood inside along with giant fingers. He let himself be pulled out gently, blinking wearily as he tried to get used to the bright light, but yelped as the fingers released him. 

He truly expected to fall to the ground with a painful splat like the last time he was cropped, but swore he felt like he was floating back in his tank… he opened his eyes slowly to try not to break the illusion he was sure to be in. He froze as was looking at the giant mer in the face, the bright red eyes watching him with a fond expression as their pink hair floated around them…wait floated? Tommy turned with a flick of his tail and gasped at the sight before him, it was nothing like he had ever seen before!

The ‘tank’ they were in was absolutely massive, even bigger than the tub Dream would put him in when his tank needed to be cleaned, and full of fish! He was only used to seeing the thin silvery fish that darted around his tiny tank when Dream added them, but here they were all different sizes and colors. He flinched when a giant brown and red thing drew close to him, forcing him to dart into the safety of the giant mer’s hair, but watched in amazement as his protector stroked the creature's head before pushing it along. His gaze was drawn away when he heard a gentle crooning and he chirped happily at the brown-haired mer as they drew nearer, and encouraged him to leave his pink hideaway. He smiled brightly at them, letting his fins twitch happily as he got to swim freely between the two giants, showing off his best tricks to earn their praise. He let out his own happy trills as they purred at his actions, but jumped at a different tone of purrs rumbling through his body.

With a turn of his head, his eyes met a similar pair of blue ones, and he realized he was looking at another large mer. Their blond hair was similar to his own and he was surprised to see their eyes dilate in excitement at him, he looked at the other two in confusion, but they were extremely relaxed as they watched the reaction. He turned back as the green-scaled mer drew closer, and allowed himself to be cupped within their hands as they drew him up to their face, and he watched their face change into a joyous expression. He was even amazed to see that the green mer had a chuck missing from the back fin just like he did! The blond mer purred loudly as the others drew closer, leaving Tommy at the center of the deadliest creatures on earth, but he never felt safer in his life. The blond looked at him so fondly and rumbled out something so softly that Tommy never imagined them as the monster Dream always said they were.

“My guppy… my pod..”

.u.

Dream looked over his notes carefully, circling the words pepper spray, copper acetate, and crude oil, and laughed quietly to himself,” try to breathe through this you talking goldfish.” He glanced over when his phone chimed with an incoming text and let his laugh boom into a full cackle as he saw the message from Sapnap.

Sapnap: I have the address for the Mermen ambassador's home, I hope they didn’t hurt-

Dream didn’t even bother reading the rest of the text as he rolled his chair over to his desktop, setting up his multiple ‘blob’ accounts to order his supplies and begin his prep. He stole his Tommy away from protective mers before, he can easily do it again and take out the ambassadors all in one move. He needed to teach those fish a lesson, they think that they could get away with eating humans for centuries with a simple ‘stop polluting our home and we will provide our knowledge’ all with the subtle threat of making the ocean a warzone.

He would focus on the majority later, for now, he just needed to show the trio what happens when his property is stolen. He would get his Tommy back at all costs.

[keithisbae1]

The Mershark & Mermaid - Part 2

Sakura knew she shouldn’t be doing this.

“Your back?” The mershark trailed around her, his glowing red eyes peering right through her soul. The same eyes she gets lost in and likes to watch whilst they-

“I said I would be.” Her hands traced his chest with a smirk.

What would stop him from eating her once he was satisfied?

Her brain was telling her, no, to be rational but her body moved on its own as did his when his lips descended upon hers grasping the back of her head and roughly pulling her closer.

His tail wrapped around her small frame.

“Where’s Sasuke?”

Sakura froze at the voices nearby but then his fangs moved down to her neck grazing it and distracting her.

“You're his best friend, shouldn't you know?” Another voice cut in. One was a white shark whilst the other was orange.

“Yeah but the bastard's been more distant than he usually is. It's like he's distracted or something.”

Oh, how right they were.

Sakura licked her lips letting out a low moan as his claws glided down her tail.

“Shh, you don't want them to see you like this do you?”

At least they were well hidden.

~~~

“What the hell happened to your back?” Sakura knew she should have healed herself before coming back home.

It was the perk of having Tsunade as her mentor and was the reason she was able to keep the meetings between her and Sasuke a secret for so long. Not every mermaid had the ability to heal.

“Uh…it’s nothing. I got caught up in a current that’s all.”

“Right, like I believe that. Seriously forehead, they look like claw marks. Did you almost get eaten?”

“No! I told you-”

“Sakura, there is no current. We both know that. I'm your friend, you can trust me.”

It wasn't like she would blab about something like this anyway, not with how serious the matter was.

“I went to see him.” Ino knew fully well who the 'him' in question was.

“And by seeing you mean…”

“We… we mated...” Sakura fidgeted with her hands watching as Ino's eyes grew wide taking in the information.

“You did what? Your crazy forehead. He’s a shark!”

“So?”

“So? SO?! He’s a predator.”

“He's different from them, he saved me!”

“Oh, you mean from that time you almost got yourself killed because you wanted to explore the deep sea. Sakura he’s using you.”

Admittedly it had been a thought that crossed her mind, what shark would mate with a mermaid with no other intentions in mind. However, Sakura still sneaked off to see Sasuke.

The visits never started off as anything inappropriate, she was curious about him and although he had often referred to her as an annoyance he would answer her questions and humour her.

Of course, neither had made their little friendship public. If either of Sasuke's friends or family caught on, she would be their meal. Yet somehow Sasuke always managed to put them off their scent.

If he wanted to eat her, he would have by now, right?

“And okay, let’s imagine he doesn’t plan on eating you. What are you expecting out of this? For him to make you his official mate? Your only setting yourself up to get hurt.”

Perhaps Ino was right, but what could she do? She couldn't just end... whatever it was they had.

“Besides there's plenty of fish in the sea, why don't I introduce you to a few. I'm sure they can distract you.”

Them distract her from Sasuke? If only, maybe then Sakura wouldn't be in this situation.

~~~

“Sakura this is Hiroto, Hiroto Sakura.” The blonde was pleased with matchmaking her friend with such a fine merman, better than any shark for sure.

“A pleasure to meet you Sakura-san, Ino's told me a lot about you.”

“Likewise.”

However, when Sakura awkwardly smiled shaking his hand she swear she could feel eyes glaring daggers at them. Or maybe that was wishful thinking on her part as Sasuke never leaves the deep sea.

~~~

“You shouldn’t be here Princess.” The sinister smirk didn’t go unnoticed by Sakura from the white male shark and Sakura felt pale. How didn’t she feel their presence?

“It’s rare for mermaids to swim this deep underwater. You must either have a death wish or be really stupid. Works for me.” Normally Sakura would blow up at such an insult but fear overtook with the three of them surrounding her, she was as good as done for.

Why did she go back?

“Hey, Jugo, what’s your favourite part of a mermaid.” He laughed menacingly as the two circled around her.

“Urgh, don’t make too much of a mess.” Was all Karin said, however, something seemed… off? First of all, why was a mermaid down here in all places?

It was almost as if she had been there plenty of times and had been expecting someone.

Then there was her smell, Karin had smelt it before.

She smelled like-

“Wait, Suigetsu don’t-”

Too late, because the next thing they knew Sasuke had Suigetsu's arm in his claws and was ready to snap it in two.

“Sasuke?”

“Don’t touch her!” He snarled glaring daggers at the shark. “She's my prey! Understand?”

All he could do was nod dumbly and when he finally released him Sasuke turned his attention to Sakura.

“You, follow me.” She wasn't really sure what to make of his attitude but being with him was safer than being with them.

“Gee, what was that for? He could have said something sooner.” Suigetsu scowled muttering to himself. Karin decided to keep quiet, they may have been dense and believed Sasuke but she knew it was far more than that.

Sasuke would probably talk to her about it later.

~~~

“What were you thinking?”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t realise they were…”

“You should have stayed back home.”

“I… I know.” Sakura looked down ashamed, she usually wasn’t so distracted but everything Ino had said. From what she wanted out of this and finding someone else...

Except no one could make her feel the way Sasuke does.

“But I wanted to see you again.”

“See me? Why? Isn’t your merman enough?”

“My… my what?” So it wasn’t her imagination?

“You came to see me?”

“You haven’t been here for the past few weeks, what else was I supposed to do?” Ah, so he did care. Inside she was happy but also dreaded. What did this mean if their feelings were mutual?

“We should stop this...” Yet her body betrayed her and Sakura found herself leaning towards him.

“We should.” Then why was his tail wrapping around her? This was too dangerous yet neither made a move to stop it.

~~~

Meanwhile back in the present, little Sarada was asking Sasuke a ton of questions.

“I have so many questions, what kind of food do we eat? If I’m good my Mama makes my favourite seaweed spaghetti. Will I grow as big as you? What’s it like being a shark? Are there others too, is this where we live? Why hasn’t my Mama taken me here, she said it’s full of pre…pre…preditators and that there are a lot of creatures that want to eat me? Do baby sharks get eaten a lot?”

Yup, she defiantly took after Sakura.

[kewltie]

re:Kasumi AU - S01 [Complete]

01.

"My Daddy is amazing, you know, the absolute best," Kasumi brags, "but he's grumpy and frown a lot, so I worry about him being alone." She sighs like it's pain her to admit it. "I've been looking for a partner for my Daddy and I think you make a good candidate, Midoriya-san."

02.

"Your dad would be okay with a quirkless omega?" Midoriya asks, brows creasing in concern. "Would he settle for someone lesser than him?" His face grim. "

Oh, Daddy doesn't discriminate," Kasumi says cheerfully. "He hates everyone equally, so nobody has the upper-hand here."

03.

"Daddy, you're almost 30," Kasumi says, "that's, like, ancient."

Katsuki glowers. "Say that again, brat."

She heaves a sigh. "You haven't gone on single date since I was born. What if I get marry and you die alone?"

"Who's dumb enough to marry you?" He sneers.

"Daddy!"

04.

"I don't have a papa," Kasumi says cheerfully. "Daddy said he died after he stepped on a nail and contracted tetanus."

"Oh," Midoriya says, smiling awkwardly.

She hums thoughtfully. "But I know that's a lie because when I was six, Daddy also said Papa got eaten by a shark."

05.

"Daddy, we need to talk."

Katsuki sighs tiredly. "You got five minutes."

"I can do it in three!"

His lips twitches in amusement. "Convince me then."

Kasumi rolls out a large homemade poster and presents it to him. "It's time for you to get marry and here are my reasons."

06.

"What are you looking for in a partner?" Kasumi presses. "Pretty? Smart? They got to be strong enough to handle you, right?"

"Someone who hates kid preferably," Katsuki says, pointedly looking at her.

"Daddy," she whines, "I'm being serious here!"

"So am I," he says dryly.

07.

"He said I only have you because Papa didn't want me, so I punched him."

Katsuki frowns. "And you know it's wrong, right?"

Kasumi's lips wobbles precariously. "Y-yes." She runs into his arms and wails unrepentantly. "If I knew I would get caught I should have punch him more!"

08.

Babies are useless little things that sleep and eat all day, and they're stinky too as Katsuki leans close and smells the odor coming off of her, her fist smacking him in the face in the process.

He stares down at her as Kasumi giggles. "My mortal enemy," he declares soberly.

09.

"Don't you hate him?" Izuku asks.

"How can I hate someone I don't know?" Kasumi answers bluntly. "He gave me away when I turned one but," a pause, "sometimes I like to think he must have care enough to have kept me for that long, right?"

"Yes," he breathes, heart trembling.

10.

Katsuki grinds out, "You said there were only four, so why are there five's name on here?"

"Oh, I miscounted." Kasumi smiles and every bit unapologetic.

He frowns as he stares down at her. "I sent you to school to learn, but did it make you dumber?"

11.

"Daddy, could you please try to smile a little?" Kasumi frowns.

Katsuki's scowl only deepens further. "This is how I always look."

"How are you going to impress anyone when you look like an ogre the entire time?!" she huffs. "My guest is going to think I have an ugly father!

12.

"Daddy, would you love me if I was a worm?" Kasumi asks.

"No," Katsuki says, with no hesitation.

She pouts and pinches the back of his hand.

He gives her unimpressed look and sighs. "But I'll keep you and take good care of you even if you're useless, squirmy little worm."

13.

Kasumi gestures for him to come closer. Katsuki's eyes narrow suspiciously even as he complies.

"Oh, Daddy, you're so handsome," she gushes. "Just remember not to open your mouth, it will ruin the effect."

He scowls. "You brat—" but she quickly shushes him. "No talking!"

14.

"Don't be nervous." Kasumi pats his hand in assurance. "My daddy isn't scary. He's mean, but he can also be nice! But mostly mean if he thinks you're being dumb." Her brows furrow thoughtfully. "Just avoid saying anything stupid and I'm sure he'll like you!"

15.

"If you want to impress my daddy, here's what you need to do," Kasumi says, pulling a thick binder with colorful tabs sticking out.

Izuku takes out a notepad and pen, looking serious and determined. "I'm ready."

A grin spreads across her face. "I knew you were a good pick!"

16.

"Are you doing this because you think I'm not doing enough as a parent?"

Horrified, Kasumi hugs him. "No, daddy! You're the best," she says. "There's no replacement for you." As Katsuki hugs her back, she slyly adds, "But it would be nice if you have a partner in your old age."

17.

"Daddy, when you have another kid, you can't like them more than me okay?" Kasumi insists. "I'll still be number one."

"I haven't even met the bastard yet and you already vaulted past marriage to kids," Katsuki says, flickering her forehead. "Why would I even want another brat?"

18.

"Why do you want to find him a partner so much?" Izuku asks.

"Daddy told me he didn't know how to love me at first, but I grew on him like a terrible fungus," Kasumi says cheerfully. "Since then, he's always put me first, so it's now his turn to find someone who put him first."

19.

"I just got you the 2nd best birthday present ever!" Katsuki snorts. "You?"

Kasumi pouts. "No, Daddy, it's a date!" she reveals. "You know, I'm the best thing to ever happened to you."

"Sometimes, I doubt that," he says dryly.

20.

"This is Midoriya-san," Kasumi excitedly introduces.

Abruptly, Katsuki raises his fist and launches it forward.

Eyes wide, she screeches, "Daddy!"

The wall behind Izuku crumbles under the force of his fist, but Izuku remains unflinching. "Hello, Kacchan," he greets ruefully.

[maximumcheese]

Dance of the White Tiger - A Snow Flurry at Dawn 6

Subaru: —Here, this is the last special prize~☆ This stuffed shark’s kinda large, but it’s okay, right?

Ahaha, so you’re gonna carry it home with your friends. Then it’s fine, then.

Tsukasa: Please be careful when take it home with you. Thank you for visiting......♪

Koga: Hey, hey, shopkeep, we’re all outta prizes. We’re completely broke.

He must be pissed off that he lost that special travel voucher.

Rinne: Boo-hoo, my travel voucher…

Or what, you thought I’d be sad or something?

“I'm going on a family vacation with this!” the guy who won the special prize laughed happily.

This is a much better use of the money than my original plan to turn it to cash. I’m kinda lucky, ya know…☆

But I didn't expect it to be over so soon. That’s unexpected. That's what happens when a popular idol works as a shopkeep.

Here, here's your paycheck. Take it, you dick.

Tsukasa: Huh, you’re really going to give us one?

Rinne: What's with that face? Do I look like the kind of guy who makes you work for free, huh?

Koga: I could see it. “Gyahaha ☆ Who’d ya think’d give you that, adios!” then you’d hightail it outta there.

Rinne: When you say something like that, you’re gonna make Rinne-kun cry~

Subaru: Woo-hoo, pocket money ♪ It’s almost like a New Year’s gift…☆

Hey, hey, everyone, since we're at the shrine, let's go pay our respects! First visit of the year!

Rinne: I see…I got someone to watch the store, and I’m not busy right now, so I’ll go with you.

Ah. Can I visit some of my acquaintances while I'm at it? I gotta’ contribute to sales.

Subaru: Sounds good, I wanna tour all the food stalls. Street food’s always so delicious, it really feels special, you know? ☆

Koga: Well, we missed lunch so. Guess I’ll have something to eat, too.

Tsukasa: Me as well, I was curious about the Tornado Potato.

Ah, well. After all the Calories I’ve consumed, I shouldn’t eat anymore….Ugh…

Rinne: What you talkin’ about? These stalls ain’t gonna be here forever, so you don’t need any self-control.

Enjoy the moment. If you're on a diet, let your future self hang in there for you.

You don't want to live your life with the stupid regret of wishing you had eaten the tornado fries back then, right?

Subaru: Right, right? If you’re worried about it, I can eat half of it.

Remember last year when we were carrying around plastic bags? Let's just enjoy the New Year's food stalls, Cathy.

Tsukasa: …That’s right. Since it’s New Year’s, it’s just a matter of exercising again tomorrow.

Today is the last day to enjoy the food stalls…♪

Koga: …Haha. Red-haired kid, you could always say that you were coaxed into it.

But well, it's New Year's. Anyway, not my place to say anythin’ ♪

Time: After an hour

Subaru: —Hey everyone, did you get your fortunes?

Let's show each other what we've got. All right, let's go~☆

Koga・Tsukasa: One, two~!

Subaru: Yay, I got a “Great Luck”! That means everything’s gonna be alright ♪

Koga: I got a “Medium Luck”. It says I’ll find something I lost soon, so that ain’t too bad.

Subaru: Nice, nice, we got lucky…☆

Hey, hey, Cathy, what’d you get?

Tsukasa: ……

Koga: Wow, he's down in the dumps. I guess he got a “bad” one.

Tsukasa: It’s the “Terrible Luck” below that. It says, “Everything you do will backfire.” Looking back, I've had a lot of bad luck today. I am sorry for the trouble I have caused you because I had trouble in our escape.

Thinking that this may continue for a while, it makes me depressed…

Rinne: Gyahaha ☆ It's not a lucky day to be losin’ a game so early in the year!

Give me the fortune you got. I'll tie it up so high that you can't see it.

Koga: Don't worry ‘bout the result. You’re just testing your luck, nothing else.

Rinne: Generally speakin’, when you draw that sorta thing you’re at rock bottom. After that, things’ll just get better, you know?

Tsukasa: I hope that is the case…

Hm? Who just tapped me on the shoulder—?

Aaaaaahhhh! Oneesama!

Koga: Hey you, what’s up with that shrine maiden look? …Helpin’ a girl that you know out?

Subaru: I see, so the business you had to take care of was a part-time job as a shrine maiden, then.

You’re always working hard as a producer, so I hope you’ll take a proper rest at least during New Year's?

Tsukasa: Regarding you, oneesama. Working as a shrine maiden must be a nice break.

Subaru: …Ahahaha, she’s nodding her head. Well, it can’t be helped ♪

Tsukasa:  I never thought I'd run into you by chance in this big town… It seems my luck has immediately improved.

Koga: See, it’s just like I said, right? …Anzu, you wonderin’ what I'm talking about? As a matter of fact—

Rinne: ……

(...I gave him the paycheck and went along with the visit to the shrine. It's about time to fuck off.)

(I’m gonna go grab some sweet sake, sounds nice. Adios, kids…♪)

Time: Some minutes later

Rinne: (Somewhere I can chill out for a bit…here works, huh.)

(Damn, the booze’s really hittin’ into my system…Well, I've been on the move since before sunrise.)

(...Ah, that’s right. Let’s see what fortune I drew earlier.)

(I didn't want to open it in front of those guys. What did I get, what did I get…)

(Oh, come on, it’s just “good luck”. That’s so lackluster that it's hard to react, you know? But anyways—)

(Last year was so eventful, huh. If I can have a peaceful time now, maybe it's not so bad after all.)

(If I bring it back with me now, I'll just lose it, so maybe I'll wrap it up for later…Hm?)

Yo, Anzu-chan. What’s up, you need something with me?

…You said you were surprised to find me gone before you knew it? My bad, my bad ♪

I've got my reasons, you know. They and I just happened to be together, that’s all.

...Yeah, yeah, I had them help me out with the raffle.

Famous idols tendin’ a shop’s a great success! I had a lot of fun ☆

.....Hm? What’s this bag…a New Year's gift? You've got some nerve treatin’ me like a child, don'tcha? ♪

......A good luck charm? You’re sayin’ it’s a thank-you for getting you a stuffed animal from the crane game?[1]

Did I do somethin’ like that? Guess I forgot, sorry, Gyahaha ☆

Well, I'll take what I can get. Thanks, Anzu-chan.

“Traffic safety,” huh… I was expecting something along the lines of “Good luck in money” or “good health,” but guess I missed the mark. Why’d you pick this one? Stock clearance?

…Traffic safety’s the best for a dangerous guy like me?

Guess that’s right. A less dangerous me ain’t me at all, that’s someone else entirely.

That’s nice, I like it. No matter how much I misbehave, I know I’ll have Anzu-chan’s divine protection ♪

What, did you expect me to get all docile all of a sudden? Safe drivin’ is so boring, you’re makin’ Rinne-kun yawn over here~♪

I’m gonna deafen you with the sound of my wings again this year, so get ready! Gyahaha ☆

This is a reference to Rinne's feature scout story.

← previous

[the-firebird69]

Watch "Giant Shark Gets Way Too Close" on YouTube

We have a few businesses to take over and this shark is big but not that big it's only about 45 ft long and the boat was almost capsized several times for the decided to leave and it said what's his problem it's your food that's his problem Jesus what do you mean it's an animal that eats people ever said oh there's a lot of that out there so you say what we say is we don't know that it's hard to go after it they finally found it and hit it and died and was eaten by other sharks and they hit the sharks and other other animals came in big ones and they started hitting them all he's a huge number of these things out there and the girls summer gigantic. It's happening all over the world cuz they're having these battles with small ships that come in and it's dragging a big stuff in and they're hitting it and little ones are devouring it and hitting them eventually there won't be these big fish it's they're gross but right now we have thanks to take over

John Riva Lord has been invited this morning cordially to sit in the board meetings and get fired from several large Banks it is fairly upset and made some noises and when Dan left he said he's going to go after our son so he disabled him he's been sitting there in a pool of blood well no it was a pool of urine and for hours and is awake he mobilized someone hit him with an emitter the first Bank we are going to fire John rainbow Lord and company from is the same time

*bank of America Lock stock and barrel they're out of there completely I'm going to push them out of every single Branch all over the world no matter where it is I'm so sick of these people we use max where we have to here they got to go they try and tamper with every single account. Add one group trying to tamper with these Bank in the city 500 times each branch one day I said just get rid of them for Christ's sake said we're having a hard time doing it and you have to have other groups to help so they start doing it and they got to be this huge fight and it was ridiculous but it weren't and it was very dangerous and tough ever said you got to move troops in so this is we haven't seen this yet and we figured out what our problem is so we went and sign them up and said you need to find people like you because you're going to be swamped and are people will be in trouble. They went ahead and did it it's working and so I have them pick a certain number from their groups to go look for more and we're doing it now.

he does acknowledge it's awesome work it's probably the best he's seen for a long time. I did teach him to do it and he knows what it is that's perfect.

*and the other bank is wachovia Lock stock and barrel we're firing every molark there is. Tons of people hate Brad you sit there talking so he's getting stuff and so they're hitting him wanted to go away and take his stupid gimp wife with him. Now there's employees all over the place from this bank this bank is as big as Bank of America and we are going to need people right now hours and immediately and we're going to sign it over to ourselves and fire them and these meetings start at 7:30 a.m. and yeah they're getting ready to leave to go to the meeting the other suckers are doing it

*huge one is Wells Fargo and not only will you be getting to take it over and we're finishing it and they want to run certain branches and they want to force it that's why they're still up there North Dakota but no one else is at this time in Fargo begins shortly and a whole bunch of movies and a whole bunch of movies up there

*SunTrust and BB&t we are beginning to take them over now we've been taking them over for some time and not locking stock and barrel but we have control and share of the bank yes and we're moving to take over entirely shortly

*Bank of Boston we're moving to take it over and Lock stock and barrel shortly they promised us it will rob the bank until it's depleted of money and what we say is this particular area where Bank of Boston is is not ours if you rob the bank you're on your own and you'll be robbing it from your own they're starting to see that and it's more luck who will be a problem yet they want to rob the bank for my son's buddy but that's the Fed not the bank of Boston it went there okay they moved it that the account is digital the whole thing is cash so it doesn't matter

*we are moving to take over the Federal reserve system as well and yes the bank of Boston will fall to us today and it's on the schedule for the meeting even though we haven't started yet it's very small it's 20 branches. The Federal reserve will take some effort but we plan to take it over within the next week or two

Have a great day everybody and remember we need your assistance immediately if your hours are required to sign on for duty now and it won't end ever it become part-time but it will never and you'll sign on and it's forever

Thor Freya

Olympus

[absolutepokemontrash]

ayo!! congrats on 666 <33 I'm not sure if its much of a request but I love how you wrote the demon kids personalities! I was wondering what kids of personalities you would see the other brothers kids having? Hypothetically of course (unless 👀)

BRO- I’ve actually been thinking about this for a while! Fan kids are fun to think about, what can I say? Now, these kids aren’t canon to the Awfully Familiar series, the HOL is crowded enough as is… but I hope you enjoy anyways!

(I’m giving all the kids names just so no one gets confused with which kid is whose)

Levi’s Kid

Uh let’s use probability to figure out how rare children of our snek boy are. The Otaku left the house (unlikely), spoke to a human being (very unlikely), did the devil’s tango with them (impossible)

I’m kidding, but seriously what the fuck why did this human exchange student look so much like Levi? Was that a tail? Hehehe… what a weird practical joke…

(I’m calling this MC Percy. Three guesses as to why)

Okay, onto the kiddo’s personality. I’m picturing them being REALLY hyped and REALLY enthusiastic about their hobbies and isn’t afraid to yammer about them. They’re good at what they do and they’re damn proud of it! They turn their envy into *~inspiration~* and get better at the things they enjoy doing!

In all fairness to Levi, it’s a bit easier for his kid because Percy isn’t literally being eaten alive and consumed by this sin every waking moment of his life… perks of being half human! :D

Percy loves swimming, and the ocean, and fish, and they brought a shark back from the beach- wait hang on a second-

It’s not uncommon for Levi to be hardcore gaming while Percy swims around in the fish tank.

The pair of them have a very good relationship, Percy is kind of Levi’s hero with how eager they are to get better at the things they love doing and how they almost never self pity spiral. The one issue is… ugh… Percy is a 🤢…. Sorry. Percy’s a 🤢 🤢-

They’re A FUCKING NORMIE. THEY DON’T LIKE ANIME!

Other than that, the two get along swimmingly. (Ba dum tisssss)

Percy’s reaction to Levi’s cool military titles is basically “WOAH! YOU HAVE BOATS?! CAN I GO ON ONE?!” And Levi would be a monster to decline.

Percy wore a pirate hat despite Levi telling them numerous times that they were a part of the navy, they CATCH pirates. Which are apparently still a big problem in the Devildom…

Also, Percy and Lotan absolutely adore each other. It makes Levi very happy

Satan’s Kid

Satan’s a pretty charming guy, and it’s canon that he’s amazing at seductive speech craft so it’s no surprise that he was able to seduce a human.

You know what is a surprise? The fact that Satan, the smart one, didn’t think to use protection! Like- DUDE I EXPECTED BETTER FROM YOU.

Whatever, anyway, when this kid slammed onto the floor of the assembly hall no one had time to react when the kid suddenly grew horns… and fangs… and a tail… OH FUCK THE KID WAS GOING THROUGH THEIR FIRST TRANSFORMATION WHAT THE FUCK-

(For simplicity’s sake, I’m going to call this kid Lyssa, mainly because of the meaning of the name)

The first thing Lyssa did was launch themselves straight at the first person they saw, and I ask you to guess exactly who sits in the middle seat of the assembly hall. That’s right… Satan… yay…

This kid nearly clawed his face off in the span of two seconds and it took Lucifer and Beel working together to drag them off of him and then Asmo had to step in to use his powers to calm them down. Well. That was eventful.

So Lyssa has a volcanic temper and they’re honestly really bitter and upset at everything, which is something that’s supposed to come in adult life, not so early. So what’s up with this kid? Well, when you’re born with a burning rage deep inside you that can be set off at even the slightest inconvenience and because of that everyone around you immediately assumes you’re dangerous or crazy can really do some damage to a kid.

So who oh who is Lyssa going to blame for this…? Hmmm… who is responsible for the anger? *Side eyes Satan*

“Wow, this kid is blaming me for passing down my wrath even though I couldn’t control giving it to them and if I had the choice I would have made sure they wouldn’t have to live with it and they’re mad at me for subjecting them to existence itself… wow this feels so bad :( who would treat someone like this..?” “*Dad sigh*”

The two of them do eventually get along. It’s actually Satan who extends the olive branch and offers to help them control their anger. As the two spend time together, Lyssa’s intense hatred slowly subsides.

So… what’s Lyssa going to do now? They’ve spent so much of their life being defined by their anger… who the fuck are they????? U-uh… cats! Cats! Lyssa likes cats! Is liking cats a personality? No? Okay… um… Music! Music is relaxing! Lyssa likes music! Um… um… ooo- look at that! They like space! And stars!

You knew what they don’t like? School. Lyssa doesn’t like learning in a controlled environment where they’re being told what to learn. Leave them alone so they can go read about space.

Beelzebub’s kid(s)

*munch* *munch* *chew* *chomp* huh, *chomp* why does the takeout- I mean the human look so much like him…? They’re his kid..? *choke* *cough* *cough* …Huh. Want some chips?

Surprisingly chill first meeting. Well, Beel and the kid were chill, everyone else was freaking the fuck out.

I’m calling this kid Pepper. Why? Fucking guess.

Pepper themselves is just… chill. They’re sort of like a capybara, their vibes are just so immaculate that everyone wants to hang out around them.

Unlike Beel, Pepper’s penchant for food mainly comes from “food is good.” instead of “my body is literally eating itself alive every second of the day and I need to be eating something at almost all times in order to stave off a rampage.” Beel is very happy that his kid doesn’t have to live with food constantly on the brain.

All was well until three days into the exchange program when Pepper asked at the dinner table “so when are we bringing my twin down here?”

…twin genes man… twin genes…

Second kid, I’m calling them Cane. (CANE PEPPER, GET IT?! GET IT?!) this kid is less like a capybara and more like a honey badger. They don’t give a shit.

Here’s the thing though… they’re identical twins.

Cane is basically Beel but smaller. They follow Beel to the gym and usually get stopped at the door. “Kids aren’t allowed in the gym.” Ha, the rules don’t apply to Cane, they just cross their arms and raise their eyebrows and whoever is stopping them just steps aside. Don’t fuck with the honey badger kid.

Pepper and Cane are super close though, but don’t ask if they have a telepathic link or something, Cane will fuck you up and Pepper won’t be able to stop them. (I know a pair of identical twins, and the amount of times they’ve been asked if they can read each other’s minds is enough to make anyone homicidal)

Belphegor’s kid

*squints* how’d this happen..?

Whatever. When Belphie’s kid woke up on the floor of the assembly hall everyone took one look at this kid and collectively went “shitballs”

Belphie was in the attic and his kid was wandering around the house like they ran the place! What the fuuuuuuuuck was Lucifer supposed to do with this????

Anyway, meet Arien.

Arien, how does one describe this little hellspawn? Well, one would call them the brood of Lucifer or the spawn of Satan but that would be false because this manipulative evil devil-child that crawled straight out of a teacher’s nightmares is BELPHIE’S kid. And it fucking SHOWS.

This kid won the demon/human genetic lottery and they’re going to make it everyone’s problem. Basically, they’re sin is sloth, but unlike Belphie, Arien’s is more voluntary, if that makes sense. They sleep and slack off because they like not doing work, not because they’re always tired. They have this sort of lazy relaxed facade that vanishes the second it’s not needed, it’s honestly kind of terrifying.

They quickly learn that if they just pretend to be having troubles with being constantly tired, the rest of the house will go easy on them if they miss their chores and schoolwork.

Jeez Louise when this kid met Belphie…

They both just stared at each other for a solid five minutes before anyone said anything. Belphie somewhat nervously started up his “oh woe is me get me out of here :(“ charade, and the kid played along for a few weeks, until of course, they got suspicious.

You remember how Belphie guilt spiralled with L!MC? Yeah imagine that but 40 times worse, and he hadn’t even done anything yet.

But yeah, blah blah blah Arien breaks Belphie out, they don’t die, family’s back together, happily ever after. But not quite. Arien’s “oh no I’m sorry I’m sleepy…” charade was found out and boy howdy was everyone pissed.

Surprisingly, it was Belphie who gave Arien the wake up thwack, but Arien called Belphie out on his laziness so Belphie was forced to become a better example.

The way they fixed Ari’s behaviour? Extra chores, extra schoolwork, extra everything, and the boys did nothing to help. Basically, “this is how we felt! Deal with it!”

It worked… thankfully.

[xbadgerbearx]

your people will have our help

word count: 2.1k

Can’t Sleep: [1] … [3]

Of course you had to jump out of the aircraft into the cold water. What a perfect way to start the mission. Your team swam for a bit before wading through the shore as you approached the beach.

"Congratulations, Bloodsport."

"How'd you do it, Waller? There's no soldiers out here on patrol at all."

The beach was completely empty. There were no disturbances and more importantly, no enemies anywhere to be found. It was... peaceful.

"Let's just say they were distracted."

You only walked on the sand a couple feet before a large explosion erupted.

"Control, we have a disturbance south of here," Bloodsport reported after you jumped in surprise.

"It's just a diversion, Bloodsport."

Bloodsport seemed to weigh his options before speaking, "All right, we cut through the jungle to get to Valle Del Mar."

"Don't they have blockades at the city limits?" Peacemaker interjected.

"That's the word."

"How we getting in? Especially with Charlie the Tuna here," Peacemaker said while looking back at King Shark.

"How the hell am I supposed to know?"

"You're the leader. You're supposed to be decisive."

"And I've decided you should eat a big bag of dicks, how's that?"

"You're being facetious, but if this whole beach was completely covered in dicks and somebody said I had to eat every dick until the beach was clean for liberty, I would say no problemo."

"Why would someone put penises all over the beach?" Ratcatcher II asked.

"Who knows why madmen do what they do."

"Chris, this is the second time you've made a comment like this today. Is there something you want to tell us?" You joked.

"Well, you know what I think?" Bloodsport started. "I think liberty is just your excuse to do whatever you want. Whether that's to eat a beach full of dicks or killin' folk."

"Oh, yeah? At least I don't kill men for money like you."

"Oh, here we go," Bloodsport sighed as he turned to face Peacemaker.

"There's something wrong with your skin," Ratcatcher II called out as she pointed to Polka Dot Man. You turned to see his face covered in bulging colorful... polka dots.

"It's just a rash."

"Oh, my- Abner, are you okay? You don't look so good," you said worriedly as you reached your hand out to touch him. You were interrupted by another loud explosion off in the distance.

"Never mind that, we need to continue forward."

You made it quite the distance before Bloodsport dropped his bag onto the ground. The entire time walking you watched Abner with both curiosity and worry.

"Alright, we'll camp here, and tomorrow we'll go straight through the city to get to La Gatita Amable by nightfall."

Everyone was laying out their sleeping equipment, in this case sleeping bags, as you figured out where you should lay yours.

"Why don't you lay over here, (L/n)? I could keep you warm," Chris offered with a laugh.

"Fuck no," you replied with the same humorous energy. "I'd rather you not roll over on me like you did last time."

"Last time?" Abner piped up timidly.

"It's nothing like that," you assured while rolling your eyes. "Me, Chris, and some of our other teammates at the time had to huddle up for warmth after Waller sent us on a mission somewhere in Siberia."

"Oh," Abner said, kind of relieved.

"I'll just put mine here," you placed your bag next to Abner's and DuBois. "It's near the fire."

You changed into your sleep clothes. Well, to be honest you just took off your shirt and slept in your tank top, but it was close enough. It wasn't long before you drifted off, however, you awoke some time later to some shuffling sounds and a quiet groan. Peeking under your lashes, you find yourself facing toward DuBois who was resting on his elbow, alert. You quietly sat up and turned to see what DuBois was looking at. A colorful light show was dancing on the leaves and tall grass. Almost as quickly as it happened, Abner appeared. He looked a little out of it, but quickly dawned a look of shock as he was caught doing... what exactly?

You got up to make sure your favorite awkward man was doing okay before you were cut off by a loud bang! Instinctively, you disappeared. Literally. DuBois kept shooting Nanaue until he was backed up against a tree.

"How deep of a sleeper are you?" DuBois asked Cleo, to which she responded sleepily, "I was having the most wonderful dream."

"If it was you about to be eaten by King Shark, then you're psychic," Chris said.

"I don't believe he would do that. He has very kind eyes."

Sebastian was saying what you could only guess was that Nanaue was, in fact, going to eat her.

"Hungry," Nanaue whined.

"You bastard!"

Rats from every direction emerged from the darkness as Cleo held up her glowing device. DuBois was looking rather uncomfortable.

"All right, calm down with the rats!" he yelled.

"What?"

"I have a thing with rats."

"You have a thing with rats?"

"Yes."

"And you're on a team with someone who controls them?" your disembodied voice asked.

He whipped around trying to find you before yelling, "What the fuck?"

As if suddenly remembering that you cannot be seen, you revealed yourself behind Abner whom you were using as a shield. As cute as he thought it was that you were using him as protection, it did startle him that you just appeared randomly behind him.

"Partnering up with someone with rats is not something I asked for!"

Peacemaker started laughing.

"What are you laughing at me for, man? Why the fuck are you in your underwear?"

You looked over and sure enough, Chris was in nothing but his underwear.

"Woah!" you yelled while burying your face into Abner's back. "Chris, put on some pants for fucks sake!"

"Tighty-whities? Really?"

"Now that's just racist."

"No, it's not racist! They're tighty-whities!"

"You didn't tell me you had a fear of rats, DuBois," Waller said over the comms.

"I'm an assassin! Why would I share my liabilities?" This was promptly followed by an uncharacteristicly girly scream.

"Aww, he's offering you a pretty leaf to show you he means no harm," Cleo cooed.

"Why the fuck would I want a leaf?"

DuBois was getting increasingly more freaked out while Chris started laughing again.

"Just get the rats out of here!"

Cleo turned off her device and all the rats scurried back into the jungle.

Peacemaker turned to DuBois and asked, "Hey, we gonna kill Megalodouche now, or what?"

"Nanaue's the strongest member of your team. You need him to get into Jotunheim."

"Yeah, well we can't function as a team if we gotta watch our back from one of our own eatin' our bollocks," Bloodsport replied.

"Nanaue," Cleo started as she kneeled down to his height. "Would you eat your friends?"

"I no friends."

"You have no friends? Well, if you did, would you eat them?"

Chris answered with a "yes" before he was shot a look from Ratcatcher II.

"No?"

"Then can we be your friends?"

Chris scoffed, "Come on, he's obviously lying."

"If I die 'cause I gambled on love, it will be a worthy death."

DuBois shook his head, "You are a little idiot."

So much for a full rest. It was nearly morning by the time the shark incident was resolved, so you decided to just pack up and dress yourself.

"Task Force X, you have an additional mission directive. We've located Colonel Rick Flag. He's been taken by the enemy."

"Rick Flag?" DuBois asked while your team made your way through the jungle.

"I know, you both served on special forces in Qurac that took down Avral Kaddam. Flag was the one who initially recommended you."

"You had other operatives in Corto Maltese and didn't tell us?"

"There was no tactical advantage, now there is. I've uploaded the location on your MTS. Terminate his captors with extreme prejudice. Kill anyone you see. These are dangerous people. Recover Flag before moving on to the city."

You eventually made it to a decent sized camp before DuBois MTS started beeping.

"That's where they're holding Flag."

"Nothing like a bloodbath to start the day."

"I thought they called you Peacemaker," Ratcatcher II questioned.

"I cherish peace with all my heart. I don't care how many men, women, and children I need to kill to get it."

Ratcatcher II turned to Polka Dot Man before whispering, "I thought you were the crazy one," which was swiftly answered by you lightly shoving her shoulder.

"I am."

"All right," Bloodsport said, getting everyone's attention. "Let's get it."

You and Nanaue crept behind a man who gave his cup to his buddy.

"Gracias," you heard the man say. Soon after, King Shark picked the man up and ate him as he started screaming. He dropped what looked to be a communication device. Nanaue smacked his mouth as the comms device went off.

"Cualquier cosa?"

As your nearby teammates looked in somewhat fear as to what to do, you picked up the dead soldier's comms and said "Nada, Señora" while perfectly mimicking his voice. Your team carried on.

You hastily turned yourself invisible as you scouted for Rick Flag. It took a couple of minutes but you managed to find the only white guy there. You assumed he was Rick since he was injured, but were they... laughing?

"Bloodsport," you whispered into your comms. "I found Rick Flag. He was laughing?" You sounded unsure.

"Most likely drugged," Peacemaker said. "Where's he located?"

"Northmost tent, past the watchtower." Right after you said that you saw a bunch of colorful polka dots disintegrate the watchtower.

"On our way."

You could hear some of your team's conversation as they approached your location. You made yourself visible again.

"I'm sorry it's so... flamboyant."

"It looks cool," you heard Cleo say.

"I don't like to kill people, but if I pretend it's my mom, it's easy."

"TMI, mate," said DuBois.

More laughter could be heard inside the tent as Bloodsport ripped open the tent curtain. An uncomfortable silence settled.

"DuBois?"

"Hey, Flag."

"What the hell are you doing here?"

Bloodsport looked around confused. "Waller told us that you were... uh... are you drinking tea?"

Flag gestured to his female companion sitting across the table from him, "This is Sol Soria, she's the leader of the freedom fighters, the resistance trying to take down the current government. They-they saved my life."

"Oh. Wow."

Everyone put down their weapons.

"Why did my people not alert me of your arrival?"

You awkwardly hide yourself behind Abner again.

"We didn't see any people," Bloodsport swiftly lied.

"Yeah, I didn't see anybody on the way..." Peacemaker continued.

"There's no one out there."

"They were gone when we got here."

"I turned them into my mother in my head and killed them."

Everyone turned to look at Polka Dot Man. You just sighed and smacked his shoulder. To make matters worse, King Shark hacked up... was that a finger with a wedding ring? Sebastian squeaked out an audible "Uh oh."

Soria promptly lunged off the table and made her way outside. You and your team awkwardly stood amongst the destruction you caused while Flag and Soria looked in pain.

"Typical Americans. Just run in, guns blazing."

"I know, this is messed up. These guys, they're..."

Rick looked behind him to see Peacemaker and Bloodsport getting into a stupid cat fight, while Ratcatcher II was rubbing her face ashamed, and you and Polka Dot Man were looking off into the jungle having your own conversation and not even paying attention.

"They're fucking idiots, but right now our objectives aligh with yours. If Jotunheim contains the technology our intelligence says it does, then it could be used on the people of Corto Maltese as well as Americans. That's why we need your help to get into the city so we can stop 'em."

Soria just stared past Flag and asked, "Is that rat waving at me?"

Sure enough, Rick turned back around to see Sebastian waving at them. Cleo was messing with her hands, Chris and DuBois were looking around while tapping their feet, and you were admiring Abner's polka dots on his costume as he was awkwardly trying to accept your compliments.

"It appears it is."

"Why?"

"I'm gonna guess because it's friendly."

Soria thought for a moment, weighing her options, before speaking again.

"Luna and Suarez murdered my entire family. I'd make a deal with the devil to stop them." As if it physically pained her to say, she continued. "Your people will have our help getting to Vall Del Mar to apprehend this Gaius Grieves."

[nebraska-is-a-myth]

Foolish's Monologue - 04/03/2021

It has come to my attention, that during my summer retreat; living off in the desert, as I have been since arriving here, that perhaps I've been living a little naively. Which bothers me. It bothers me when I get things wrong. You would think, you would think after all these years, so many years, that I wouldn't misunderstand things, that I would have learned lessons. That I would know everything, but, I guess there's some meaning behind my name. I think it applies not just to me though either, I think it applies to most creatures. I think everyone's perhaps a little foolish, and [laughs] boy was I foolish. I thought, I thought I was safe here, and don't get me wrong, I still don't quite fear it. No. But it does bother me. It does bother me that I thought it was a mere pest, that I didn't need to pay it much attention.

So I've learnt two things; one, the egg is perhaps not just a pest. I thought it would just go away on its own, you know most pests, most pest's eventually, they come to their own demise one way or another. But this, this might be a little bit different. Now its not all bad, it hasn't corrupted everything. As far as I know, the temple of the undying is still safe and sound. Though it does trouble me, it does trouble me. I thought perhaps this statue would help protect this place. Maybe my cats would protect from the evil.

So now where do we go from here? What exactly are we dealing with? What exactly is this? Because if I haven't been clear enough, I have been around for a long while. And this is something I'm not familiar with. Is this an ancient foe I've faced before? Or something entirely new. Perhaps its a new foe. Perhaps the egg is a little naïve in of itself, for drawing me into this battle. And also I've been thinking too, maybe not just was I naïve, maybe a little selfish. Maybe a little selfish for just coming here and trying to live a peaceful life.

- And then this gets me wondering, who else has to deal with this, how far is this thing willing to spread. Well, I don't know. I'm still confident, but no longer blindly confident. So lets maybe switch things up a little. [puts on op armor set]

I'm not saying I'm going to war right now, but just preparing.

This also gets me thinking, as I was saying, how do we deal with this. Who is the right person to deal with this?

Well, we had tommy. He, while young, still had some kind of heroic power to him. But for now that doesn't matter. But who else is there, there's technoblade. The fierce warrior he is. But can even he compete with something as unnatural, unsettling as it is. But then it gets me thinking, other perhaps risky ideas, what about dream. If dream was not in prison right now, would he let it spread? Or maybe he's in favor of the egg. That's what we don't know! So I've thought about it, but perhaps that would just lead to more problems. SO once again that might be naïve to think that dream gunna be the reason to save us. Hmmmm. I don't know if I wanna go right to the egg, but maybe let's get a little closer. Just a little closer.

You know the more I think about it, I don't know if I'm bothered, if I'm angry, if I'm disappointed that I didn't try to do anything sooner about this. This egg. But there's no time for regret, we're here now. Now we've just got to come up with something. Allies, allies would be good. I believe my adoptive father, captain puffy, is also against this.

[now in the egg room]

It's just a foul, a real foul thing indeed. But like I said, I don't fear it. [laughs] I do not fear this. But understanding is important. Confidence is important. But not blindly going about stuff, that is where foolish actions can occur. So what about this thing, what about this thing makes it so special. Because from what I've seen, it take the minds, it controls them, corrupts them. And finding anger with bad, or antfrost or punz or anyone else that might be under the influence, I don't hold any grudge against them. I don't think that's truly what they want to do, they don't mean to cause harm. But let me tell you, mind controls a powerful thing. Not too many creatures can do such a thing, especially with so many.

And who do we have here? See this was one of the guys I was talking about, pink, I've spoken with him before, and he's trying to play both sides and I don't think you can just play both sides, that is naïve in of itself to think that you can just tread with this but not be corrupted.

You know its starting to bother me more and more. Like I said I'm not mad at them, no this is the real problem.

[egg laughs, so does foolish] I don't think I fear you. Right now you just appear to be an egg, but what.are.you.really. Have we ever met before? Do you have a name? I don't believe we've met before, I believe you're a new foe. Something I haven't quite seen in all my years. You think you're more powerful, be careful, be careful being naïve. Maybe so, maybe so but we will see cause you, you might have fucked up, dragging me into this. Laugh, laugh if you want. We’ll see.

[ egg: time will tell ] Time will tell indeed. Well it was nice meeting you, it was nice talking to you, and thank you for intruding. This won't be yours forever, I'll figure this out. Someone will.

[leave the egg room]

I don't know what it could be. A mere witch can't do that. What has the power to control minds? Witches, warlocks can maybe influence one, demons dreamons! Even they I have seen to maybe tinker with someone's mind but not control and just twist so many at one time. Like I said, I won't be naïve again. It has my attention. And maybe it's for the best.

Right now the egg might think it's the alpha, top dog in the chain, like I was saying all creatures are a little foolish one way or another, like a shark. I think it rules the ocean. Swims around eating almost anything it wants, but all it takes is one day a killer whale and boom! Shark loses. It's gone. But even still that killer whale, little does it know, there is a mighty sailor with a harpoon ready to take it out. Killer whale dead. One harpoon to the heart is gone, no longer the alpha. And then even that sailor, just might think he knows everything, that he rules the ocean. But the ocean laughs, because all it takes is a flick of a wave. And that sailors in the ocean. Dead! Drowned! Eaten by shrimp, and that sailor thought he was so mighty. And that's what I'm trying to explain. Be careful, be careful when you think you're so high and mighty because little do you know until its too late. That maybe there is something above you.

Just because I've been here a while does not mean I'm the smartest, humbleness can go a long way. But for now, we’ll just have to wait and see.

[ladykissingfish]

drunk Akatsuki hc? 🥺

Ask and ye shall receive! ((Sorry it took so long to get to/finish this. Also get the nagging feeling I did a post very similar to this before but 🤷🏽‍♀️ piss poor memory so))

Drinking with the Akatsuki

Kakuzu

Takes a lot to get him drunk; his alcohol tolerance is pretty damn high. And when he does reach that point, he becomes … very unlike himself. Friendly, smiling, and extremely loose with his precious money. Kakuzu being drunk is the best time to ask him for an advance on your pay, or a personal loan. Another bonus: drunk Kakuzu is storytime Kakuzu. When he’s sober, the others don’t really like listening to his stories because they’re all boring as hell, and are usually centered around some point that he’s trying to nag everyone on. But drunk Kakuzu, well, he’ll tell you about brawls, dangerous stunts he pulled when he was a kid, sometimes even old lovers. He can keep the rest of the Akatsuki enraptured for hours with his intoxicated tales. The morning after a night of drinking is a different tale, though. He’ll remember loaning money to people and hunt them down to make sure that know they have to pay him back, and he’ll deny like crazy any story tidbits that the others bring up to him. Will also go through several pots of pure black coffee in an effort to de-hangover himself more quickly.

Pein

The Pein bodies don’t drink, but Nagato will, very rarely. Beer is his drink of choice, and he’ll opt for foreign rather than domestic. He’s not really the type to get full-on drunk (no matter what he’s the Leader and he carries himself as such), rather he’ll just get slightly tipsy. If he gets tipsy enough he’ll rant a bit to whoever’s closest about pain, and the unfairness of life, and anything else that would put a downer on happy drinkers’ moods. He always hopes that the alcohol will help him to sleep (he’s a horrible insomniac) but most times it just gives him a slight headache while leaving him wide-wake and dry-mouthed.

Hidan

Nobody wants to be around this guy when he’s had too much to drink, because the normally violent Hidan becomes even more so after hitting the booze. He’ll be willing to take on any and everyone, from teenagers to old men. And being immortal doesn’t help matters any; he could literally get torn limb from limb and his mouth would still be taunting his opponents with “Is that the best ya got, bastard??” Drinking also brings out his creative side when it comes to his human sacrifices and Jashin rituals; he’ll think up new (and horrible) ways to torment and kill his victims. Is the type to finally, FINALLY just completely pass out after reaching his final tolerance point, and the others will (reluctantly) drag him to his room and put him in his bed. Not many are willing to do this, however, as most times before he passes out he’ll have stripped himself completely naked.

Tobi

An emotional drunk. Gets sad and cries over practically anything. And it doesn’t take much to get him tanked, either; his tolerance level is embarrassingly low and he’ll be ready to sob after just a couple of glasses of wine. Tobi tries to avoid drinking when he can because he knows there’s a good chance of him dropping his persona and letting the others see Obito Uchiha. In fact this HAS happened a few times, where he’a taken off his mask and everything; fortunately for him the others were so gone that the next day they either didn’t remember, or believed that had just imagined the whole thing. Likes to soothe himself by slurring sad love songs at the top of lungs, joined most frequently by Deidara and Hidan. Will also drunkenly stuff his face with meats, which is a complete opposite from his sweet-loving sober self. He can throw down a dozen burgers when boozed up, the results of which will likely be in puddles all over the floor the next day. Will go to his bed and turn around in circles a bunch of times, like a dog, before finally going to sleep. “Tobi” will be the quietest he’s ever been the next day, as he fights a massive headachy hangover.

Konan

For being such a thin, delicate girl, Konan can hold her liquor right up there with the likes of Kakuzu and Kisame. One might never even know that she’s drunk to begin with; she walks perfectly straight, doesn’t slur her words, has almost perfect reflexes and normal mannerisms. One thing always gives her away, however; drunk Konan is hungry Konan. Under normal circumstances the little lady sticks to a healthy diet and isn’t one for over-indulging in anything. One shot or beer too many, and suddenly the gloves are off. Konan will make pizza, hotdogs, gigantic sundaes, cakes and pies … and devour almost all of it. She’ll share with the others if asked … but most times she’s eaten so much that there’s not much left to share. When she’s finally had her fill, she’ll go to bed … and wake up feeling sick as a dog the next morning. After the nausea passes, she’ll force herself to go for a long run or walk, no matter how much her head may be aching, in order to work off her excessive calorie intake.

Zetsu

Zetsu doesn’t drink, because alcohol interferes with his plant genetics, acting as literal poison to his system. But he enjoys being around the others when they’re drunk, to see the different types of personalities that emerge. Likes to hang around Hidan in particular, as the man’s sacrifices pick up significantly when he’s drunk, meaning Zetsu has more of a smorgasbord of leftovers to pick from

Sasori

As a puppet, Sasori doesn’t drink. But when he was a human, it was a different story. He turned himself into a non-human at a very young age, much younger, of course, than would have been the legal drinking age. But his grandmother kept a variety of wines in their home, and when she was away, he liked to pour himself a glass. Always only a single glass; he was intelligent enough both to know that his grandmother would notice if any larger of a quantity was missing, and, already dabbling in making poisons at this point, he understood the concept of “tolerance” better than most. But the single glass was enough; it seemed to comfort him during those nights when he was missing his mother and father. The wine also served as a brain-opener for him, of sorts: it was over wine that he first got the idea of turning himself into a puppet.

Deidara

Being young and so slender, and not having much experience with alcohol before joining the Akatsuki, the blonde is a bit of a light-weight when it comes to the hooch. He doesn’t really care for beers or ales (he compares the taste to “cat-piss”) and instead goes for the fruity mixed drinks that don’t SEEM that strong … until you’ve had about three or four, and they put you on your ass. Deidara becomes very lovey-dovey when drunk, and not just in a romantic sense. Alcohol makes everyone in the world his friend, and he’s suddenly interested in what others have to say about life and art. He’s even nice to Itachi, going so far as to hug him and tell him that he smells good, something that he will vehemently deny the next day. He’ll go to Sasori and cling to him and gush about how he appreciates his friendship and his guidance, until Sasori gets tired of him and tells him to go to sleep. Deidara can get to his room on his own, but once the door closes, he’s more likely to pass out on the floor than in his own bed. Also, if he didn’t think to tie up his long hair beforehand, he’ll be in for a nasty, messy surprise when he inevitably wakes up to vomit at some point.

Itachi

Itachi isn’t one to ever let himself lose control of his senses, no matter the situation. Therefore, if he’s drinking with the others, he’ll stick to one or two beers or a single shot before cutting himself off for the evening. He plays much of a “mom” role in the group, making sure the others are okay, lending a shoulder to cry on for the emotional drunks, and, if they’re out somewhere, making sure everyone gets home safe and sound. On the rare, RARE occasions he drinks by himself, and lets go of his hesitation, he’s just as emotional a drinker as Tobi (which is quite possibly an Uchiha trait). He’ll cry into his pillow, he’ll sit and lament over the choices he’s made in life. Sometimes he’ll find and put on the saddest song or movie he can think of, just so he has something to get emotional over. Although this sounds bad, this is actually a helpful bit of therapy for him, as it allows him to release emotions that he normally keeps bottled up. He’ll end a night of solo drinking with a cup of tea, then go quietly to bed, sleeping like a rock until the sun comes up and things go back to normal.

Kisame

Right up there with Kakuzu as being a guy that can hold his liquor like a champ. In fact his ability to do so has won him many drinking challenges at bars, as well as a formidable reputation as “one bad ass son of a bitch”. It also helps him confidence-wise; normally the half-shark is very reserved and keeps to himself, as he feels that his appearance is off-putting and scary to “normal” people. But alcohol loosens him up and gets him talking, and being bold, and many people find this switch in personality to be highly attractive. Ladies especially take notice of his smile, his eyes … and his muscles. He even scores several phone numbers from interested parties … but by the time he’s sober again, he never follows through with calling anyone. Also helps Itachi in that he keeps an eye on the others when they drink, to make sure that they’re safe.

[ncssian]

A Favor: Part Nineteen

Nessian Modern AU

Masterlist

a/n: another chapter where the girls are clowns and cassian worships nesta's every breath 🙄 i promise some variety is headed your way soon

***

Gwyn adamantly refuses to accept any gifts for her birthday, much to Emerie’s irritation and Nesta’s relief. No amount of love for her friends can make Nesta enjoy the turmoil of hunting for the perfect gift, and she happily shows up at Gwyn’s apartment that night with nothing save for an overnight bag.

Gwyn easily has the nicest home out of all three of the girls, and it makes Nesta feel oddly proud to have a financially stable friend. Nesta herself has been flacking on her legal consultant duties to Night Court Inc., choosing to make do with the money she’s already earned while focusing on school.

Once they’ve all changed into sleep clothes and are settled around the living room coffee table with a cupcake and a glass of wine each, Gwyn pulls out a brightly colored bracelet-making kit with a sheepish grin. “I found this while I was looking through my childhood things,” she says, opening the kit. “You guys aren’t too grown for it, are you?”

“Depends,” Emerie hums, leaning over to get a closer look. “Is it Rainbow Loom?”

She gets her answer when Gwyn dumps out bundles of multicolored string instead of rubber bands onto the table. Looking disappointed, Emerie plucks up a handful of string. “Fine, I guess I can make do.”

Nesta licks cream cheese frosting off her thumb. “How do you make them? The bracelets?”

She’s met with two dumbfounded stares. “Have you never been to a thirteen year old’s slumber party?” Gwyn says.

“...No?”

When Gwyn and Emerie keep staring, Nesta feels the need to add, “I’ve never been to a sleepover. This is my first.” She was never one to be invited to sleepovers or social gatherings; even when she made acquaintances in middle and high school, they were just that—acquaintances.

“That’s… actually kind of sad,” Emerie says. Gwyn elbows her hard, making her yelp.

“I never thought of it that way,” Nesta says, shrugging. Though maybe it’s because a lot of things about her childhood were sad; it isn’t like she kept count of it all.

“Well, you can learn how to make bracelets now,” Gwyn states, taking out a little plastic baggie and emptying it out onto the table. Small silver charms scatter everywhere. “Everyone gets three colors and one charm.”

Nesta leans forward, making out the different charms. She spies one in the shape of a book, and another in the shape of a dove, and one in the shape of a music note. She snatches up the eighth note before anyone else can. Gwyn takes the book for herself, and Emerie considers the selection of charms before picking a dagger-shaped one. They prepare their string next.

“Now, we can either braid them or knot them.” Gwyn demonstrates how to do it either way, Nesta watching closely before imitating her. She braids the strings of her bracelet as best she can, her cheeks turning red with frustration whenever she spies one of the other girls’ perfect knots. Her half-eaten cupcake is forgotten as she tries to get her bracelet to stay together.

At one point she just has to accept the shoddy work she’s done and tie the bracelet off. She checks to see if it fits on her wrist.

“Now everyone give their bracelet to the person on their left,” Gwyn declares.

Nesta clutches her sloppily-made bracelet to her chest as Emerie responds, “What?”

“So we can wear each other’s bracelets,” Gwyn explains. “And carry around a part of each other all the time.”

“If I had known we were gonna be sentimental, I wouldn’t have picked the cute charm,” Emerie grumbles. Nesta agrees, but Gwyn just clicks her tongue and starts switching bracelets around. In the end, Nesta has Emerie’s dagger bracelet, Gwyn has Nesta’s music note bracelet, and Emerie has Gwyn’s book charm.

Nesta wiggles her bracelet on and turns her wrist over in the light. “That was fun,” she decides. “What happens next at a sleepover?”

“Next,” Gwyn says, “we exchange our most embarrassing secrets with each other, and then we do each other’s hair.”

Emerie shakes her head. “Okay, now I’m really too old for this. Anyone want to watch a movie?”

Gwyn nudges Emerie. “I’m the old one here, and it’s my birthday.” She raises her pert chin in a way that doesn’t look very grown up at all. “What I say goes.”

Emerie flicks up an eyebrow and stares in challenge, which Nesta interrupts by saying, rather exasperatedly, “I’ll go first, then.”

She digs around in her head for something embarrassing enough to be socially acceptable, only to realize that although a lot of embarrassing things have happened to her before, none of them are secrets. She finally settles on an admission. “When I was a kid, I had a thing for breaking and entering into rich people’s empty houses and hanging out in them. Does that count as a secret?”

Gwyn gapes, laughing in disbelief. “Are you going to leave it at that?”

“That actually sounds fun.” Emerie swirls her wine. “Why’d you stop?”

Nesta had almost forgotten. “I got caught.” She remembers the terror of being fourteen and fleeing past cherry blossom trees on her bare feet. “The owner’s family showed up early to vacation one year, and I never risked going back after that.” She shrugs. “Who’s next?”

Gwyn raises her hand excitedly. “I used to be a hardcore Gleek. Like, I had a closet full of Glee memorabilia.”

Nesta doesn’t quite know what to say. Emerie winces. “Maybe you should’ve kept that one a secret.”

“It was only one facet of my entire theatre kid personality. Should I tell you about the rest?”

Emerie raises her hands in surrender. “Please don’t. I’ll go next if it makes you stop.”

Gwyn laughs and Nesta perks up. “What’s your secret?” She hopes Emerie will finally admit to filling their shared Kindle account with lesbian spanking fiction.

But Emerie suddenly gets serious, clearing her throat and fingering the stem of her wine glass. “I might have the worst secret,” she says awkwardly. “I haven’t been honest with you guys.”

Nesta straightens, and Gwyn looks intrigued.

“In my defense,” Emerie says, “I never expected all of us to end up hanging out this much. Before Nesta and I became friends, all I did was show up to school to kick rich kids’ asses and make career connections.”

“Spit it out, Emerie,” Nesta tells her.

So she does. “I’ve been lying about my age.” Her cheeks turn red, either from alcohol or embarrassment, Nesta doesn’t know.

Nesta furrows her brows. “You’re not twenty-four?”

Emerie shakes her head in guilt.

“How old are you, then?” Gwyn says.

Emerie mutters something too low for them to hear. When Gwyn tells her to repeat herself, she says, too loudly, “Twenty-eight.”

She’s met with silence, and then—

Gwyn starts cackling, nearly keeling over. Nesta can only stare in shock. “Why would you—?”

“Because school is a shark tank,” Emerie says. “Everyone else went there straight out of undergrad, and I had to work four jobs for four years just to afford tuition. Being old at Prythian means being poor.” She quietens, looking down at her brown hands twisted together. “And by the time we started to get close, it felt too weird to bring up. So… I’m sorry?” She looks up to see if Nesta is upset.

Nesta doesn’t know what to feel, but Gwyn seems to. “You called me old,” she accuses. “You’re nearly a grandma!”

“Were you going to lie about your age forever?” Nesta interjects.

“If I had known there was going to be a forever, I would have opened up a lot sooner,” Emerie defends.

Nesta drops her head onto the table and covers her ears with her arms. “This is so weird,” she says against the wood of the table, her voice muffled. “I can never look at you the same way ever again.”

“That’s fair,” Emerie says cautiously. “But are you really mad?” Nesta feels a hesitant hand touch her shoulder.

“I need time to process,” Nesta says from her cocoon. Suddenly she hears a hum and a click, and her cocoon gets even darker. Gwyn and Emerie make twin sounds of surprise.

Poking her head up, Nesta blinks to find total darkness in the apartment. The heater has stopped running, leaving behind a quiet stillness.

“Shit,” Gwyn curses, fumbling with her phone. The flashlight turns on, lighting up her face. “I swear I paid my electric bill.”

“I don’t think it’s just you,” Emerie says, getting up to look out the window. “Look, the whole street is out.”

By the time they gather some candles and light them, the apartment has dropped twenty degrees in temperature. Nesta shudders, wishing she’d brought some warm pants with her.

“Let me get us some blankets,” Gwyn says, running off to the linen closet. Emerie and Nesta huddle together on the couch while they wait.

“So you’re really not mad at me?” Emerie asks, hope in her voice.

“Not mad,” Nesta says. “But I think we all lost a little respect for you back there.”

Emerie smiles. “Just a little?”

Gwyn comes back then wearing a thick sweater and carrying a pile of comforters. “I got a text from the landlord,” she says, unceremoniously dropping the blankets onto the couch. “Ice took out the power lines in the whole neighborhood, and we’re not getting any electricity until morning.”

“But it’s negative temperatures outside,” Nesta protests. “We’ll freeze to death.”

“Not if we all cuddle.” Gwyn tries to beam at them, but the effort is futile. “I’m sorry, guys,” she sighs, plopping onto the couch beside Nesta. “This is a terrible birthday celebration.”

Nesta wraps an arm around Gwyn and tucks her into her side, soaking up her warmth as Emerie spreads a heavy comforter over all of their legs. “What are you apologizing for? You did nothing wrong.”

The girls sit in silence for a few minutes until Emerie speaks up. “I wonder what Mr. Madani is doing right now.”

“What?” Nesta frowns.

“He’s probably all alone in his fancy heated cabin, unaware that you’re stuck in the cold dark.” Emerie suddenly smacks Nesta’s arm. “Hey. Why are we freezing our asses off here when you practically own that cabin?”

“I do not practically own that cabin,” Nesta splutters. “And this is Gwyn’s birthday. Why would I take you to Cassian’s place on her birthday?”

“Exactly!” Emerie says. “It’s Gwyn’s birthday, and she deserves better than this. Can’t your boyfriend be a little charitable and share his nice house with us?”

Nesta turns to Gwyn for help, but Gwyn just says carefully, “...Is it a big cabin?”

Emerie nods fiercely, pulling out her phone. “Eris has a picture of it from New Year’s on his Instagram. You wouldn’t believe how much money these Night Court execs make.”

Nesta makes pointed eyes at Gwyn. “You really want to spend your birthday with two strange men?” Cassian and Azriel aren’t exactly meek, nonthreatening men either—at least not at first glance. Considering the state Gwyn was in just some weeks ago, this doesn’t sound like a good idea at all.

Gwyn sounds wary but open-minded when she says, “You trust them, right? And it’s not like we’re going to let the guys join our sleepover. We’re just going to have a warm place to stay while we wait for my power to come back.”

When it’s phrased like that… Nesta purses her lips, thinking.

“Fine,” she finally decides. “Let’s go.”

***

Nesta strips off her jeans almost as soon as she enters the cabin. Much to Cassian’s pride and pleasure, this leaves her wearing only one of his old sweatshirts. Meanwhile, Gwyn and Emerie stand around awkwardly in the middle of the living area without knowing what to do next.

“Make yourselves at home.” Cassian grins at them. “Do you need anything? Food? Drinks?”

“Stop worrying,” Nesta groans. “We don’t need to be mothered.”

“I totally hear you,” he nods. “I’ll make cookies.” And maybe some hot drinks. It’s supposed to be a birthday party, after all.

Just then, Azriel appears at the top of the stairs in a dark hoodie and sweats. He’s halfway down the steps when he notices the living room full of girls and promptly turns around.

Cassian calls his name before he can escape. “Want to help me out in the kitchen?”

“No, thanks,” Az says over his shoulder, leaving Cassian alone to play host.

While Gwyn and Emerie admire the cabin (“There’s a gym down the hallway and a library upstairs,” Nesta points out to them), Cassian gathers baking ingredients in the kitchen. He rarely eats desserts or junk food, much less makes them, but surely he can manage a snack for the girls.

When he returns to the living room half an hour later with cookies and mugs of hot chocolate, the coffee table has been moved out of the way and replaced with a spread of blankets and pillows. The fire crackles hotly enough that Gwyn and Emerie have joined Nesta in discarding any extra clothing articles, and they all cheer from the couch when they spy the food.

“Goddamn,” Emerie whistles at the platter of cookies on Nesta’s lap. “Nesta told us you were a catch, Mr. Madani, but she didn’t tell us she got the full housewife package.”

“Shut up.” Nesta shoves a cookie into Emerie’s mouth and passes Gwyn some hot chocolate. Any toughness vanishes when she looks back at Cassian. “Thank you,” she mouths, and he answers by smoothing out her ponytail.

Satisfied with his work and feeling guilty for crashing the girls’ fun, he’s about to call it a night when he feels a tug at his pants. Nesta is looking up at him with eyes that ask him to stay. Cassian glances nervously to Gwyn and Emerie, who are arguing about what movie to watch from his extensive streaming collection, and glances back to Nesta. Are you sure? he asks her silently.

She nods, but it isn’t until Gwyn says, “Just sit down, you’re blocking the TV,” that he indeed sits his ass down on the floor by Nesta’s feet.

A short tug of war between Gwyn and Emerie results in Emerie getting the remote. She blows a hair triumphantly out of her face. “No Planet Earth documentary for you, then,” she says.

Gwyn sits back, grumbling, “You’d think I’d get treated better on my damn birthday.” Nesta adds, “I like documentaries.”

“You’ll like The Proposal even more,” Emerie refutes, scrolling through the TV.

The smell of melting chocolate chips must invade the rest of the cabin, because not long after the movie begins, Cassian catches Azriel sneaking downstairs. As subtle as a shadow, no one even notices him until he plucks up a cookie from the side table by Nesta.

She slides her eyes over to him without turning her head. “You look like a punk with your hood up,” she snorts. “What are you, fifteen?”

From the floor, Cassian withholds a sigh.

Az shoots her a dark look, clearly not appreciating the attention brought to his presence. “Don’t be a little shit,” he warns in a low tone. He reaches for another cookie and Nesta bats his hand away. “Those aren’t for you,” she hisses.

“Can we please not—” Cassian tries.

Az glares and goes for the cookie again. Nesta smacks him back, which results in a slap fight that is only interrupted by Gwyn pleading, “Guys, we’re missing Sandra Bullock!”

Nesta pulls away, looking apologetic, and Az flushes pink. “Sorry,” he mutters. But he snatches up three cookies with a final look at Nesta and goes to sit in the armchair on the other side of the room.

Nesta, Gwyn, and Emerie get cozy once more, quickly forgetting that Az is there. Emerie stretches her brown legs out across Gwyn’s lap like a cat. Nesta drapes her own leg over Cassian’s shoulder without warning. He turns around to meet her eyes, surprised, but she’s already intently focused on the movie. Smiling faintly to himself, he reaches up to brush her skin. It probably looks to everyone else like she owns him head to toe.

One thing Cassian quickly learns about the girls is that they simply can’t sit still. Even Nesta is more restless than usual, and she nearly kicks Cassian in the head more than once while readjusting herself on the couch. Emerie moves to sprawl on the rug. Gwyn sits upside down and watches with her head dangling off the seat.

As for Cassian, he loses all interest in the movie once Nesta joins him and Emerie on the floor, unable to contain her emotions from the couch. He glances between the movie and her face to find what’s making her so giddy, but it’s only the two main characters getting ready for a shower. He lifts a brow in amusement for no one to see, but settles back to watch her face in the glow of the dying fire. He’s waiting for her smile.

Because when Nesta really likes something, she’ll smile, and when she smiles… Everything scrunches up: her nose, her eyes, her cheeks.

On the TV, a naked Ryan Reynolds and Sandra Bullock collide into each other, toppling to the floor. Nesta’s grin makes an appearance, and she slaps Cassian’s thigh in excitement, hard enough to hurt.

He hisses in a sharp breath, but doesn’t say anything or look away. He thinks he might have to kill anyone that refuses to protect the smile on her face right now, no matter who it is.

Once the scene changes, he walks two fingers up her leg to get her attention. “Nesta,” he whispers, unable to help himself.

She glances at him for half a second before looking back to the movie. “What?”

He opens his arms and gestures her closer. Come and let me hold you.

Nesta makes a face. “Don’t embarrass me in front of the girls.”

Cassian’s lips turn down. “You don’t mean that.”

She does. To prove her point, she crawls closer to Emerie and settles down next to her. Gwyn joins them on the floor, and they all huddle together.

When he catches Az staring at him with a hint of revulsion, Cassian coughs off the yearning and rejection and glares right back.

After the movie finishes, Emerie victoriously crushes an empty can of beer in her fist. Cassian has no idea where it came from. “More Sandra!” she demands.

It takes three more movies before Emerie is knocked out cold on the arrangement of blankets and pillows on the floor, Gwyn with her. Nesta eventually came back to Cassian and fell asleep with her arms wrapped around his waist, and Azriel passed out sometime after Miss Congeniality, curled up in the armchair with his fist propping up his head.

Now, Cassian carefully untangles Nesta from himself, nudging her towards Emerie instead. In her sleep, Nesta turns over to clutch the other woman’s arm and mumbles something unintelligible.

Cassian props a pillow gently beneath her head and picks up another one, throwing it harder than he needs to at Azriel’s face. “Get up,” he hisses.

Az jerks out of his sleep, looking around the dim room in confusion. Cursing lowly, he pushes himself out of his seat and scrubs a hand through his hair. “What time is it?”

“Three.” Cassian pulls a comforter over Nesta and Emerie’s shoulders.

Az crouches and picks up the other side of the comforter, adjusting it over Gwyn’s body. Cassian thinks he might see a frown cross his face for half a second, but then Az is standing up and brushing off his clothes.

After turning off the TV, the guys head for their rooms. “I didn’t think three grown women could be so... much,” Az says as they climb up the stairs.

Cassian huffs a laugh. “We were like that when we were younger, too.”

“Yeah, but we were teenagers.”

They reach the hallway. “I don’t know about the others,” Cassian says thoughtfully, “but Nesta never got to be a normal kid.” She barely got to be a normal adult. And in a couple of short years, she’ll be working her ass off at some prestigious firm and won’t have time for simple things like sleepovers anymore.

Cassian selfishly hopes he can give Nesta all the normalcy he can before that happens.

***

a/n: i’m gonna do my best in future chapters to give cassian depth beyond just his relationship with nesta 🥴 but first, be on the lookout for a gwynriel bonus scene :)

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