#like yeah its cool to give each of them something only they can do but those arent exactly parallel abilities yknow?

[vaugarde]

Oh my god Latios saying he'll go through Pitfall Valley wandering for the rest of his life because he thinks that's going to be Latias's fate regardless and "two is better than one"... oh my god

[long-live-astronerd-ghost-king]

DPXDC prompt: Dead on main. No trick only treat.

~~Сhildhood friends and deals~~

The Justice League has to summon a ghost from another dimension to address the threat. They don’t know what price the Ghost King will take but there’s little time to bargain. Another spirit threatening them has already seized all the computers on their base. John doesn’t know what else to offer. A summoned ghost starts to look bored. Gold, jewelry? A favor from a member of the League? Like the Ruler of All Dead needs it. No one dares to make another offer, and the King is in no hurry to set out his demands. Maybe try to pull off a soul sale scam?

Suddenly, Red Hood breaks into the hall, walks up to Phantom and shakes his shoulder vigorously. Red Hood: You, get Technus out of here right now. I need access to the files and fast. Phantom: That’s rude, dude. Where did you grow up? in the cave? No "hello, no how are you, Danny", really? Red Hood: I’ll pay the usual price. Phantom: Deal.

What is the price? John sees Batman and gets in his way. The usual price, his guy said. Means Jay was already out of the deal alive and well. This hyperprotective bat would only piss off the ruler if he interfered.

The King quickly deals with his subordinate using a thermos and remains to watch working Hood. Red Hood: What do you want? I’m busy. Danny: You and I have a contract~ Red Hood: All right, all right. Jay throws M&Ms right in the face of the ghost. But king doesn’t look angry. He opens the package and starts sorting the candies by color. Phantom quickly eats up all the green ones and passes the red ones to Hood. Jason takes them without any questions.

Strange. John has never seen a summoned creature share its reward with a human. And the son of a bat looks too comfortable with it. Wait, since when do super-powered beings think that candy is a decent wage?John makes one of the most likely deductions using his experience. Constantine: Batsy, how long has your son been sleeping with the King of Ghosts? Batman: He…what?!

~~~~~~~

Dick *knocking at the door*: Little Wing, you hate ectoplasm and everything what is neon green, so why? He’s dangerous! Jason who turned on the music to not listen to his crazy family: ~He’s poison but tasty~

Dick: NoOOoo

~~~~~~

Jason: And now everyone thinks that I sold my virginity to you for a bargain or something, because interdimensional creatures like you aren’t supposed to help for nothing. Like you’re playing favorites. I’m gonna fucking kill John. Danny: Well, I wouldn’t say no to that. Jason: What? Danny: I mean, to k-kill John, yeah. How dare he.. Jason: Omg, you’re still so terrible liar, Fenton.

Danny: Sorry :(

Jason: No. Say it again.

~~~~Twelve years ago~~~~ Maddie wasn’t thrilled to learn that Danny was trying to make friends with Todd’s son. Their neighbor was terrible. And his son was definitely a street rat and probably a juvenile delinquent. Maddie: Danny, honey, there’s got to be a reason this boy is talking to you. Even kids from the crime alley are always looking for a bargain they can make or a fool they can fool. Danny: But Jason is so cool! He knows so much about books and alleys and.. Maddie: But you don’t want to be a fool, do you? Danny: Okay, Mom, I get it.

So, if Danny wants a cool friend, he’s got to offer a bargain.

He didn’t have a lot of pocket money for every month but Jason needed it more anyway. And his lunch that Jack was picking for him was big enough for two and only bitten on Tuesdays. Nice. Jason: Do I understand correctly? You will pay me and give me food, and I, what? Protect you from bullies? Danny: No! I’m not weak, I don’t need to be protected. Just..maybe we could sit together at lunch and walk each other home sometimes? Jason: Nay Danny: But why? You want something else? Jason: Money’s fine but your homemade food is…strange. Danny: I can bring sweets if you want. Jason: Deal. 3 pop tarts for a joint lunch, a party size bag of M&Ms if you waste my time out of school.

~~~~

Sometimes they share sweets when they hang out but more often Jayson takes them home to save in case his parents have money problems. Sweets have a long shelf life stored and he may not be afraid to poison himself. Over time, candy becomes their currency and a secret language for all occasions. Need help without unnecessary questions? M&Ms. Problems with learning? Skittles. The question is about family? Snickers. There will be a serious conversation? Pop Tarts.

Jason: One snickers and a pack of gum. Danny: Yeah, Jason? What do you want? Jason: My mom wants to meet my friend. Come to lunch on Sunday. Danny: Okay, you managed to pay for my expensive services. Jason:…and you just lost the gum from the deal.

~~~~~~

Jason threw a package at Danny: Three pop tarts. We need to talk. Danny: All right? Jason: Why are you avoiding me all week?! Danny: Well, it’s just..you’re Wayne now. Jason. Still Todd. And what about that? Danny: You can hang out with the cooler guys now, I didn’t want to embarrass you. Jason: Bullshit! I’m still the street rat, and you’re trying to avoid our contract. me. And I don’t even need money from you anymore. What the hell? I thought you are my friend. Danny: And I am!

~~~~~~

Robin: What’s a schoolboy doing in an alley at night? Danny: Um, I…nothing? Don’t tell my parents, Mr. Robin sir. Robin: It will cost you so many Chunky Bars, you have no idea. Danny:...Jason? Jason: N-no. Danny: Damn yes. What are you doing in green shorts on the street at night?! Jason: Cosplay. Danny: Oh yeah? Then I’m just your hallucination. Don’t hesitate to ghost me. I’m going home, Disgrace In Pixie Boots, bye. Jason: fu%&c$#u

[sobfultoast]

•~°◇ Just the Little Human Things ◇°~•

Prompt: Humans and demons are different, no duh. There are some things that we do naturally that shocked and freak out the brothers. Here are some random few (each linked to a specific brother, like 1 means Lucifer, etc).

• ~ ° ◇ ° ~ •

1. Cracking bones.

You spent a long day dealing with your studies. Your fingers cramped. So you cracked them. Lucifer was appalled. He thought you just broke yourself. Lucifer goes straight to you and asks if you just broke your finger or something along those lines. After calming him down and just explaining that you were popping the air bubbles in your joints because they ached, he was more appalled.

Humans can get air bubbles in between their bones?! That's so weird. Demons can't crack their joints. If they make any cracking noise, they probably cracked their bones.

At least you're not hurt. That is all that matters to him.

2. Adrenaline.

Demons have instincts like humans, but they don't have adrenaline. They have the same amount of strength and power, no matter the situation. No amount of tension will give them a random boost in a fight. Humans do. It's called adrenaline (SHOCKING). Boosting our stamina, pain tolerance, reaction time, and strength. It's like a superpower! A superpower that Mamon was unaware of at the time.

You both were running from trouble, as normal. Even though your body was in its flight or fight, no amount of adrenaline will make you run as fast as the fastest demon in hell! So how was he supposed to know! It was until there was a dead end. The door was locked. Mammon was about to use some magic to open it because the angry demons were very close behind you guys. before he could, BAM! You ram right into it and smash it open

What. The. Hell??? Are you on steroids or something?!

Once you escape, Mammon has so many questions. He now thinks adrenaline is so cool.

3. Being social animals.

Demons aren't necessarily social creatures. Some will go millennias without talking to anything, and they don't go insane. It's just a lot of demons like socialising. Levi is not one of those demons, though. Levi will go some months without speaking to anyone, even some days without speaking to his brothers. He thought humans were the same. He didn't know that it could cause mental issues like insanity or depression.

Levi only found out because he was watching a horror anime, where a human character was isolated for months and went insane. He thought it was fiction, but then he asked you. As soon as yes leaves your mouth, he is in utter disbelief.

Now he feels bad whenever he has you holed up in his room. Don't you want to socialise? He wouldn't mind if you went to party with Asmo and Mammon... At least he'd try not to mind. Are you sure you're okay with just him? Yeah? ... He thinks he is okay with just you, too.

4. Humans on the moon?

When you came to devildom, even though Satan wasn't that close to you, he did research about humans out of curiosity. Satan learnt about human history, myths & legends, science (a.k.a human magic), medicine, and even decided to research human technology.

The only thing he didn't know was that humans went to the moon. When he was doing human history, he was doing ancient human history. Being a demon who was immortal, Satan classed anything from the last 100 years as morden to him. He was alive during it. He should know when it happens. But somehow, no one talked about the humans landing on the moon.

You wanted to know if demons had also gone to space, and he answered with, "No. Some of angels have... What do you mean also?" Humans, flightless and magicless fleshbags, have gone to the stars?!

5. Baby teeth falling out.

Asmodeus wanted to see childhood pictures of you! He was going on about how cute you were until he saw that in one of your photos that you were missing a tooth?! Asmo didn't know you were missing a tooth! He immediately tried to look in your mouth for that missing tooth, but there was a tooth there?! What?! Did you get some sort of tooth surgery?

Demons and angels don't have baby teeth. They are made not to naturally lose any of their teeth, and if they lose a tooth, they have to get a surjery to get it back. So, this concept is crazy to them.

Asmo was thankful it was natural. You made him panic!

6. Stretch marks.

Demons have rapid regeneration, so they don't get stretch marks. The scars just heal immediately as it isn't a deep wound to them.

Beelzebub had no idea humans could get them. He thought some demon attacked or tried to put a hex on you, but once you explained it to him, it blew his mind. Losing or gaining weight causes these marks? Humans are stretchy??? That's cute.

Beelzebub likes running his hand over the marks. It's fascinating to him.

7. Modern medicine.

Belphegor knew a lot about humans due to his human phase when he was an angel. There isn't anything that you do that surprises him. Belphie even knows humans went to the moon because he is an astrology girlie. But he is clueless about morden medicine.

Belphie lost interest in humans when he fell, obviously. He didn't want to interact with humans after his hatred for them developed. So he has no idea about morden human medicine.

Humans don't use frog eggs anymore? They were unsafe? Really? Belphie thought they worked. He did not know humans were just as unknowledgable as he was back then. Belphie learnt after you accidentally got a paper cut, and Belphie said he'd go get the plasters and leeches.

You had to tell him that the leaches were outdated by a few decades.

•~°◇ Have a kind day! ◇°~•

[quixothicc]

just desserts

hobie brown x reader, miguel o’hara x reader (implied)

summary: leave it to the big guy to be so damn obvious. if only it wasn't this fun for hobie to mess with him.

or: hobie exploits miguel’s one weakness for some shits and giggles (but also to stick it to The Man).

cw: fluff but hobie makes some innuendos. jealous!miguel, miguel who can't admit his feelings, hobie who knows this and knows he has more game and takes full advantage of this

You’re talking to Hobie when his attention is captured by something behind you. His gaze shifts as he raises a brow challengingly, mouth pulled into a cocky slant. It’s quick, quick enough that most people wouldn’t catch it, but you’re not most people. Not with your reflexes.

“—And I was—Hobie? Something wrong?”

You’ve got his attention again. “Yeah, luv? Sorry ‘bout that, got somethin’ in my eye.” He wraps an arm around your shoulder, and gives you a lazy grin. "Distracted me fro' your beauty for a minute."

You roll your eyes as you continue to tell your tale, Hobie listening to you with the kind of careless intensity that only he could pull off. While his flirtatious comments could be construed as something more, he says them with such a dry wit that it's hardly anything more than friendly. As the the two of you meander down the line of the cafeteria, grabbing whatever food spikes your interest, his arm remains a steady presence around you. Again, you don’t think much of it—Hobie's a touchy guy with his closest friends.

“Ya’ ever wonder 'ow these futuristic blokes come up wit’ some o’ these pop flavors?" he asks you, holding a can of soda in his hand as he languid reads off the label. "‘Sparkling orange cream cider with a 'int of lime...'" He pulls a face. "Sounds mad.”

You laugh. “It’s actually kinda good. Peter recommended it to me last time.”

He looks at you, surprised. “Huh." And then, with a hint of suspicion, he asks, "...Which Peter? Ya' can't trust all ov' their taste buds...”

With his arm around you, Hobie steers the two of you around the cafeteria, and you end up accidentally bumping into the person next to you in line. The two of you continue to chat--that is, until you hear someone clear their throat meaningfully. You glance behind you, unaware of the challenging glean in Hobie's cool gaze.

"Oh, hi, Miguel! I don't think I've ever seen you out here before."

He raises a brow. In his hand is a box of the empanadas he loves so much.

"I do... eat, you know."

Miguel's usual dry and blunt manner of speaking has hardly deterred you before.

"Yeah, but I don't think you really leave that dinky, dark room of yours," you say thoughtfully, to which Hobie snorts next to you. His body shakes with the effort to contain his amusement. Your eyes widen. "I—I didn't mean it like that!"

"I know what you mean," Miguel cuts you off. He jabs the empanada before him with tongs, puncturing its shell. His irritation is palpable. Maybe he's having a bad day? "I..." He sighs heavily, surveying the two of you, his gaze lingering on your shoulder. "Just felt like a change of scenery."

"Or at least I did," he mutters, but you don't quite catch it.

"Sorry?"

"Nothing."

"'Ey, 'ey. Look wha' we got 'ere." Hobie, the ever keen observer, steers you around Miguel, to direct your attention to today's dessert on the menu. Your eyes widen at the various flavors of cupcakes before you. You fucking love cupcakes.

"Lemme guess," Hobie says. "You're a chocolate kinda gal?" He snags a cupcake for each of you. Just as he hands it to you though, you're distracted by the sound of tongs clattering.

You glance to your right, only for Hobie to end up smearing some of the cupcake's icing across your cheek. You blink in surprise.

"Hey!"

"Oops." An amused smirk stretches Hobie's face. “Made a mess o' yourself, looks like it."

"You're the one who did it!"

Hobie puts his palms up, stating solemnly, "All's wort' it in pursuit of something sweet."

You glower at him, rubbing your cheek. "Did I get it?"

He shakes his head. "Nope." You rub again. "A lit'le to the left. Nope… Is a bit like finding a needle in a 'aystack for you, innit? Lemme help.”

Hobie’s thumb comes up to your cheek, swiping the suspect away. You scrunch your nose up, to which he makes a satisfied noise in his throat.

"Almos' regret doin' that. Ya' pull off the 'cream on ya' face' look."

You roll your eyes at the obvious innuendo, smacking his chest. “Hobie. Not in public!”

He shrugs unapologetically.

CRCKK.

The sound of cardboard crumpling meets your ears. The both of you turn around.

“Ay, chingados,” Miguel curses at his crushed box, meat and veggie filling from his empanadas splayed across the ground. He kicks the box away, before slamming his hand onto the counter. Hunched over, a hand tensely massaging his brow as he mutters, “Maldito sea. Estoy harto de ver esta mierda amorosa."

You raise a brow. You think you hear Hobie mutter something to the effect of, "Stickin' it to the big guy one step a' a time," and you're certainly not sure what that means. Miguel stops only when he notices you and everyone in the cafeteria watching him. He straightens up, and clears his throat before summoning his AI.

“Lyla, just have someone bring food to my room,” he grumbles.

"Roger that," she says.

And then Miguel is stalking away before either of you know it.

You watch his retreating back curiously. "I wonder what that was about..." you think aloud.

“No idea,” Hobie drawls. Of course, it's a lie, or as Hobie likes to think of it, a covert truth. He salutes in Miguel's direction.

Leave it to the big guy to be so damn obvious. If only it wasn't this fun to mess with him. And... Hobie glances down at you. If only you realized how much power you held over him.

Both of them, really.

—

translations:

estoy harto de ver esta mierda amorosa = i'm sick of seeing all this lovey-dovey shit

the other phrases are just a bunch of cursing lmao

[starry-eyedblog]

Request for a prnaddict!reader x ghost? You two just became pretty good friends, sharing things about yourselves. Simon shares his recent addiction to cigarettes when you just casually drop that you have a prnaddiction.

side note: Just left a function and its 2am. overheard this scenario unraveling in a balcony earlier. Am too tired to be horny so i left and now leaving this for u if you'd like to :3 goodniiiiiight~

oooo this is such a juicy idea!! also disclaimer, i ken that this probs wouldnae happen in the military where they restrict other soldiers on personal things like smoking but this is FICTION so i dinnae care :3

warnings/tags: simon x gn reader, smoking addictions, porn addiction, smut

it's a friday night, and the bar you are sat at is bustling with bodies. it was starting to get too much so you decided to step out for some air and a tipsy smoke. as you push the heavy door out, the nippy air sweeps in and instantly cools your flushed skin.

a soft sigh leaves you as you step around the corner and pull out your packet of cigs, sliding one out and holding it between your lips as you search for your lighter. once you feel it in your back pocket, you fish it out and spark it up. as the flame lights up your face, this is when you notice the mammoth of a man stood next to you, desperately trying to flicker his lighter to life.

he curses quietly and you look away, lighting up your own fag before silently passing over the lighter to him. he looks up, a black surgical mask hooked beneath his jawline and showing off a pretty gnarly scar across his face. "cheers, love." he grumbles, taking the lighter from you.

you nod silently with a soft smile before taking a long drag from your fag, holding the smoke in your lungs before slowly exhaling. you watch the smoke dance up into in the air for a moment before turning to the man next to you who's chuckling softly.

"like an angel sent from heaven, don't know what i would've done if i couldn't find a lighter." he mumbles as he brings the fag to his lips and inhales. you laugh quietly at his words, taking the lighter back from him.

"no big deal, glad to be of service." you joke with a smile, gently tapping the ash off your fag with your fingers. "i'd be the same if my vibe charger died." you mumble out, but the mysterious man hears you.

"that so?" he questions, and you blush as he turns to you with the fag hanging from his lips. "uh, uhm yeah. all got our own sin or poison, or whatever the saying is." you say, taking a long drag from the fag. he asks for your name, which you give him before asking the same.

once the two of you exchange names, you prompt him about his smoking. "so, addicted to nicotine huh?" you ask, watching him take a long drag from his fag. he nods silently, looking over at you as he slowly exhales the smoke.

"calms my mind and gives me something to do," he shrugs, watching the way you look away from his eyes. "and what about you? can't get enough of a wank?" simon teases and you snort.

"guess you could say that, is it a crime to love porn?" you question with a flushed face, unable to meet his eyes as the two of you smoke outside of the bar together and chat about your addictions.

simon looks back up at he night sky, staring at the bright stars before responding. "didn't say that love," he mumbles before continuing. "each to their own."

months down the line and the two of you are helping each other out - in reality you are only helping the other further aid their addictions.

simon is unable to bring fags now when he gets deployed as they pat him down and confiscate them. a mark now on his file from price to not let him smoke since he's been caught out on his addiction.

so to help, you'll send parcels with fag packets in bulk that he can hide in his room. he has a few secret smoking spots on base where he is sure to be alone and left like that for hours.

when he's back, you'll have him over and fuck him while watching porn together. he indulges in you, sometimes picks out videos that he likes and wants to show you which rots your brain even further.

oh and he fucks you so well, one of the best fuck buddies you've ever had. makes you cum multiple times before he's even got his cock stuffed into you. he likes to grab your jaw and force you to keep your eyes open while watching video after video.

it's a perfect little transaction almost that the both of you have, and no one bothers you about your addictions now. both of you realise that it's unhealthy and if others found out, they'd be disappointed but screw them.

[iamnotokaythx]

just an idea:

reader “loses” miguel’s engagement ring, so he resorts to tattooing it on your finger so you can never pretend you’re not his 🥰

it could look so cool too with a red/blue/black design yknow?

anon i like the way your brain thinks. lowkey wanna do a pt2 where reader’s escaped him and is trying to cover up the tattoo to get rid of all evidence of him

cw: needles, tattooing, established relationship, reader has never gotten a tattoo/is a little afraid, yandere!miguel, gn reader, its all lowercase

—

“miguel, don’t you think this is a little bit much?” you ask, fidgeting with your soon-to-be inked finger.

“well, you lost the ring. this’ll make it to where you always have it on.” he replies with an innocent smile.

“i mean, we could look for it. and then we could put it on a chain?”

“true, but metal rusts. i’ve paid good money for a tattoo artist already. no whining.”

you decide to give up; it’s not like miguel is easy to sway when he’s set in something. the car pulls up to a parking spot in front of a cute mom and pop’s shop. miguel would have done it himself, but he has too shaky of hands and wasn’t certified—only the best for his darling.

the shop smelled like insence. you were led into a small room where a heavily inked person was sterilizing their needle. they turned back to you and waved you forward. “hi, are you mx. o’hara? appointment for 2:00.” they asked to be sure.

“soon to be.” you murmured, noticing how miguel grinned and stood up a little straighter as the artist referred to you as his spouse.

you sat on the chair and miguel offered his hand. post-eyeroll, you grabbed his hand anyways.

“i’m afraid of needles.” you warn the artist.

“it’s alright! many people are.” they promise you. “so low long have you been together? oh, and do you have wedding plans?” they ask over the whirring of the gun. they roll their chair to get right beside you, causing miguel to bristle a little bit.

“we’ve been together a couple years. our wedding’s planned for 2 months from now. they just keep losing their ring, and i like reminding everyone that they’re exclusive to me. we belong with each other.” miguel didn’t let you speak, too eager to inform even this random person that you are his and he is yours.

the tattooist glances up after miguel’s slightly creepy rant and laughs hollowly. “understood. well, you definitely do love them.”

“of course i do.” he snapped, earning a light hit from you.

“miguel. it was a compliment.” you scold him. he rolls his eyes. you squeeze his hand in anticipation as the gun touches down onto your ring finger.

“sorry.“ he muttered unapologetically.

-

on the car ride home, he held your hand in his and gazed intently the ring around your finger.

“it’s a little… vibrant.” he criticized, the hues being brighter than he envisioned. “the reds especially.”

“it’ll look more faded once it heals.”

“oh. good. not too faded though, right? i mean, it’s gonna be visible.”

“yeah. it’s a tattoo, miguel.” you remind him.

“ah. right.” he murmurs, still mesmerized by the ink. “do you think that artist was flirting with you? they were really close to you.”

“no, i don’t think they were flirting. they were hired to tattoo me.”

“right, right.”

“what’s your plan for after the wedding? get this one removed and then tattoo the wedding ring on?”

“…”

“that was sarcasm. and the tattoo was uncomfortable, i don’t want it zapped off just to replace it.”

“don’t lose your ring, then.” he flashed a cocky smile.

[s0lar-ch3ri]

what if i wanted to make another insane promo post?

yeah, ik, its promo time again. BUT this time around i do wanna add in the post both my cousin and niece

one thing i did get wrong, heartz is my niece, starz is my cousin! this will basically be going over what each of these 2 do (...and im also adding in a bonus competitor/promoed person, well actually 2 because I GOT A CHANNEL YIPPEE)

each channel will be seperated up so yeah lets go!

first channel:

Starzzz.andgalaxy (my actual cousin, lol) is a great yter who absolutely deserves to be celebrating more then just 170 subs! since shes actually here with me, i can let her say a lil something on the matter:

"hello! I would love to reach 200 subscribers at least, I think my hard work should not be for nothing!" <- her typing

shes very very fun (and also with this i hope all the god damn hate comments shut lol) and does very cool things such as:

Roblox videos

(comment is from me lol, we'll get there soon) For right now these are just rating videos of her avatar, but I find them very fun (plus since I play roblox if needed I can help with filming lol)! Not much to say on it cause it's not a common kind of post, so onto the next form, which is:

2. Art

As you can see, she does very cool art, this one in particular is a tutorial on how to draw bodies. Is it the best? No, but the fact she's trying makes it great! (this is also where I've seen a couple hate comments come up, so yeah, I'm trying to be mature enough to not commit violence for her upon them) She does admit this video isn't her best work, but she does A LOT of very very cool drawings! Go check them out and her channel of course! There is one thing she also posts about which I love most of all...

3. Paper Dragons!!

(the first image is her first dragon, second is her most recent i think) I don't get how these things are "paper furries", but I do know THEY ARE SICK AS FUCK. I got to see one in person and they're very cool, all with different stories! I honestly wanna ask for one but right now, I'm gonna stick with watching them.

Channel link can be found here:

(this section was finished on january first of 2024, so at the point of this being posted she wont be over here, but i had her here so yeah :D i love my cousin)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Second channel:

Heartzzz.❤️ is my niece, and she does similar content, but still does good content! A couple of videos of Starz and Heartz are them promoting each other, so yeah. While she is on vacation and can't be here to give her reasons to subscribe to you, I certainly can!

Memes

One thing I forgot to mention my cousin doing (well, actually my cousin's section is just kinda old because it's from when she last came over, but she's back to help me again, yay!) is making memes like this. Sometimes they do involve a paper dragon, but I think they're pretty funny and/or relatable (also dragons very cool)!

2. Edits (and Undertale related things)

I'm putting these 2 in the same category just because of the example image above. While my cousin has recently started doing edits, Heartz is the only 1 of the 2 to make anything Undertale related. While the Undertale stuff comes once every blue moon it seems, that doesn't make it any less enjoyable.

I actually found in her description a run down on what she does post, so here:

Link to her channel can be found right here:

(okay ik this section was really short, again, she posts similar things to my cousin, and i didnt wanna repeat, so yeah, if you want more reason, here's what the cousin herself says: "[Heartz] is really nice, she's a good artist, and she's creative"; time i finished this section was 1/15/2024 lol)

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third channel:

Boli and gang (or as their original user is + the profile picture says, Boli the bear) is the channel belonging to 2 kids I babysit! They're pretty new to making content, but they have a promising start already! Currently, their content consists of...

Animations

One of them has really been getting into animation, posting things like ball loops and such on their account. They're very interesting to watch personally!

2. Cool places

I'm not sure if this is going to be a common theme, but there is around 3-4 videos of places like this one. I have to admit, this has to be the prettiest of them all.

3. Art (+FNAF/Five Nights at Freddy's Content)

This is another one grouped together, but because this is the first drawing related one I've seen. They're very big FNAF fans, of course leading to things like this. Is it the best? No, but they tried very hard of course, and maybe you could leave some tips for them to improve with!

(they also post memes and funny videos, but I'd rather not do repetition; FINISHED THIS ALSO ON THE 15TH LETS GOOOOOOO)

Link to their channel can be found here:

Oh, one final reason, their profile picture is super cool! Can you guess who made it? This actually provides me with the perfect transition into...

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fourth/final channel:

ITS ME!!! FINALLY I CAN STOP DOING PROPER ASS TYPING

yeah, i have a youtube now, and there's like nothing on it minus a couple videos. all of them are made back in like 2021-2022? cant really remember, but i posted them for younger me's sake. i have like a couple more to get through, but afterwards im probs gonna do a bigger variety of content! art videos, jrwi edits, animations, rambles, essays, you name it! (might even stream again on twitch if that seems what the people like lol)

you may want actual reasons to subscribe, but i currently dont have any. i can only make promises of better future content, but right now i can admit theyre shit. i dont post often, its only oc related rn, all very vague, nothing that interests most people on my blog (cause i know a lot of you are here for jrwi content, huh?). this channel, the choice to subscribe is fully up to you, im not gonna sell myself to it, im simply just saying its real.

Link to the channel is found here:

if you at all took the time to read through my part, i appreciate it, but please do actually check out the other 3. after all, you can always find me here, but you cant find the others anywhere else!

(FINISHED THE REST OF THE POST ON 1/15/24 LETS GOOOOOOOOO)

[enderwoah]

fresh new watcher/listener headcanon: they do better when the opposite sense is completely taken out of the picture

like u give a watcher noise-cancelling headphones and suddenly they gain a +14 to perception, they see Every Detail and can see up to like a billion miles away from where they're standing, everything that makes up everything down to the molecule if they squint, in a fight they're so good at tracking how their opponent swings and makes the smallest, most minute of eye movements that it basically looks like they're predicting their opponent's movements just from analysing what they're already doing down to an insane degree. all you gotta do to make a listener unable to hear you is, well, not talk. that aint gonna work here. you're communicating through body language and overly-expressive looks? the watchers read it like its (very literally) its own language. reading lips is a breeze. passing notes in the back of the class ain't gonna work here.

on the other hand, give a listener a blindfold and they become acutely aware of the Exact BPM of Everyone Within A Billion Mile Radius. watchers, when they are not using their ability to literally see everything everywhere all at once, can be hidden from. you plant yourself behind a big enough tree and you're damn near invisible. hiding from a listener in this state is impossible. both literally and figuratively- give a listener a blindfold and make 'em interrogate someone, they're able to hear every vocal inflection, every hesitation, every cutoff, and will probably instantly know whether youre lying or not. their fighting style becomes completely reactive- with a fast enough reaction time (and lets be real theyre mildly immortal pseudo-gods, their reaction time is fast enough) they can hear the sound of an arrow cutting through the air and dodge it without even looking. they can catch blades on their own weapons and are the master of side-stepping out of the way when someone tries to stab them from behind like the cool kids they are

i feel like if you pitted them in a fight against each other, they'd be insufferable to one another but absolutely enthralling to watch from the outside. i'd like to think that watchers are very formal, since they have that whole lawful evil type nonsense going on, so the way they fight is very by-the-books, won't break rules, fights like they're being scored type beat. on the other hand, listeners are, again, purely reactive. they are impulse-driven chaos mongerers, and thus they fight dirty. below the belt? low-hanging fruit? sounds good to them. they'd go for an easy shot in the Nether region, if you know what i mean (jimmy and grian are exceptions; they purposely act the opposite of what they're meant to because they're sort of just Like That tbh)

but yeah, they'd be SO annoying to one another. the watcher keeps having to parry the listener's bs blows (which annoys the listener to no end because the POINT of those shots is that you DON'T SEE THEM COMING!!), keeps trying to land hits but is evaded at the exact last second, probably on purpose just to make the watcher mad. like, the listener hears the sword coming at them from a mile away but doesn't dodge until the last possible moment just so the watcher can see how small a distance they missed by. but then the listener tries to make shots of their own and they're blocked halfway through the swing. the listener barely even comes close to hitting them because the watcher is predicting the damn future or something stupid like that, making it impossible for them to do anything unless they move like an absolute maniac so the watcher can't predict them. similarly, the only way the watcher can land anything is by exclusively using fake-outs, which just feels wrong.

honestly, i'm imagining a spar between martyn and pearl like this. they're so silly i think they would lightheartedly get on each other's nerves in this way until the fight is abruptly ended by pearl kicking martyn in the nether because yes, she fights by the rules, and it was a spar with no rules so. hey. fair game.

[mewje4ns]

A visit - Spencer Reid

CM Spoilers!

Spencer’s in prison! How cool right? Not really you can’t hug or touch him and he’s your favorite person in the world.

Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader

cw: innuendos?

masterlist.

————————

There is nothing like seeing the man you love walk towards you in handcuffs. Not in the fun way of course. Spencer’s dark eyes are sunken in and be waddles over to the table I’m sitting at. “Hey Spence.” My smile is sad as he plops down across from me. Spencer nods in response, he looks utterly defeated.

“Hey sweets.” I smile as he finally talks. “I miss you.” His voice is a whisper as he looks I’ve my face and all its features. “A lot. I miss you a lot.” Spencer’s face smile slightly, he’s miserable. I can see it in his eyes, in his skin.

“I miss you more.” I place my head in my hands and smile. “You’re mom, she’s okay. Worried about you but okay.” Spencer face melts slightly, finally I gave him some kind of relief. “I’ve been playing chess by myself. I’ve gotten pretty alright.”

“Only because your opponent is just as bad as you.” He smirks and relaxes into the stiff metal chair. “I have chess books at my place if you want to read them?” Spencer would never admit it but he wants you there. Sleeping in his bed and eating his food.

“Yeah I know. I stay there couple times a week.” A wide bright smile lights up his face. “Figured you’d want someone to take care of the place while you were gone.” He nods and looks down at his hands.

“I’m glad someone is gonna get use out of it for the time being. You haven’t been throwing parties thought right? You are quite the rager.” Spencer taps his fingers and foot on the ground. He can’t touch you, he doesn’t want to risk the guards thinking that he is doing something sketchy and cut your time short.

“I’ll clean up after myself I swear.” I give him a coy smile and watch him tilt his head with a smirk. “I haven’t been doing anything really. Just laying in your bed, but even then I can’t sleep.” The admission makes Spencer’s stomach twist.

“Me too.” His voice is whispered and his eyes don’t leave my face. “I’m not doing to well.” Spencer tries to laugh off the joke but it’s pathetic and weak sounding. “I miss my bed, your bed. I miss your food and inability to not triple read the recipe. I miss our morning where I drink coffee and you complain about how stupid capitalism is because you don’t want to go to work.” He tightens his lips into a line. “I miss being happy with you, Y/n.” His words make me tear up. I told myself I wouldn’t cry, for his sake.

“I miss it too Spencer. Try and take care of yourself? Please. I need to know you are at least trying in here.” My hand itches to reach for his, told hold it and kiss each individual knuckle at least fifteen times. “I’ll promise to do the same.” Spencer smiles and nods.

“As long as you promise to.”

—————————

Sorry it’s short? writing this made me realise I don’t like Prison Spencer.

I’ve been thinking about Spencer Reid x Teacher!Reader where it’s like a younger group of students. Spencer would absolutely date like a Ms. Frizzle character.

[emotionallyattachednerd]

Eternal Soul | IDW Rodimus/Hot Rod x f!human reader | NSFW 18+

Word count: 3500+

Warnings: Smut ( oral, sex, size difference and first time ) and robot on human. NSFW 18+.

Notes: Don't mean to sound creepy, but I enjoy the virgins. Something fun about first timers. Thanks @lonetile for sending through. Sorry for the wait. Once again, like many times before, I went a little crazy with the length of this. Hope you all enjoy. 🥰

☕ Coffee

Being the only human on the Lost Light crew was very exciting, but also hard, though you managed to find some sort of adjustment over time and to fit in with the new species. There is something though that has been on your mind, and you wish you got it done and over with before leaving earth.

You're still a virgin.

The last thing you want is to be a forty year old virgin, not that you were close to that age, but you didn't know just how long you were going to be away or if you were ever going to return to earth. It made you feel weird, and you wish you just hooked up with someone just to get the deed done.

Everyone was great, big, but allowed you to fit in. Each one has their own personality, different characters, but only one stood out. Rodimus is quite the charmer, silly, very flirty with you, and you find yourself falling for his charms.

At first you took it as his type of character, it's how he speaks to a lot of people, but over time you realise the tone difference when he's around others or around you, it's more smoother, husky even.

You never even imagined to be attracted to another species, yet here you are, almost drooling over the sight of Rodimus. Then it happens, he invites you back to his quarters, to talk more in private.

It gets more difficult though when he suddenly downsizes himself. Still large, but closer to your size. Apparently their species can do this and they call it mass displacement. The very sight of him like this gives you very sexual ideas but you force yourself to put these in the vault, for now at least.

Another thing that surprises you is the amount of comforts and silks he has on his berth. You didn't think his species had such things, then again you're still learning about them. More things will probably surprise you along the way.

"Are you alright? You look uncomfortable?" You're snapped out of your thoughts when you hear Rodimus speak right beside you, and you realise that you've been quiet, you probably look so stupid.

"Oh! I'm fine..."

"Sure, you look completely fine." Rodimus chuckles lightly. Damn that laugh. "Come on, you can tell me anything. I promise to keep all your deepest and darkest secrets to myself." He sends you that upturn charming smirk.

"Yeah, right." You can't help but snort softly through your gentle laughter before clearing your throat nervously. "Just...alright, look, you've been really nice to me the moment I arrived, helped me fit in and even spent time with me. You're...nice."

"What can I say? I'm a terrific guy!" He sits with his legs spread wide, cool guy style, helm tilted and optics directly on you. Jesus Christ.

"Is there a real reason you've been nice to me?" You cross your legs, sitting comfortably on the comforts under you.

"Do I need a reason?" He quickly adds on. "Well, I'm curious about you, don't meet many humans, and I find you rather cute." Its time for you to blush. He chuckles noticing this. "Ah! Even cuter when you get that hue going. Guess my charms truly work on you."

"You have no idea..." You murmur, and finally, you ask. Fuck it. "Sorry if this is weird, but I was wondering, does your species have sex?"

"Yeah!" He chuckles, answering as if it was nothing. "We call it 'interfacing' though. Why do you ask? Do you want to fool around?" There it is again, that husky tone.

"I-I mean...maybe?"

"Great! Let's get it going then!" He's suddenly on top and presses you down onto the comforts, about to kiss you but you stop him.

"Wait" You push against his chassis, panting heavily, slowly trying to recover from what just happened.

"Oh, sorry, too much? Thought we were both wanting the same thing? Or is there a weird human thing I don't know about?" Rodimus rambles as he sits up and gives you a little more space.

"I do! I-I do want that, but there's something you need to know about first, and I don't know how you're going to react."

Rodimus narrows his optics, watching them drift down and up your body. "Are you secretly a male? Because if you are, I'm totally cool with that."

You stare at him, baffled. "What? No, no I'm not. Jesus, don't you have any limits?"

"Not really." He sounds so proud of himself, making you giggle lightly.

"Alright, well, you should know that...I'm a virgin."

Now that's something he wasn't expecting, and ends up staring at you blankly through widen optics. The lingering silence makes you anxious and you meet his gaze, only to notice something in his face. "That turns you on, doesn't it?" Of course it does.

"It very much does. Sure, I've claimed some virgins in my time, but never a human, so I feel pretty damn lucky right now." He hovers over you closely, that charming upturn smirk plastered across his face.

Your nerves slowly start boiling up through you. Sure, you want this, but you are still agitated and processing what you are feeling. You weren't oblivious when it came to sex, you've watched porn, and some friends from earth have told their experiences.

"Scared?"

"A little." You admit through a shy murmur. That spunk is gone from him.

"Listen. I don't want you to feel pressured, so if you want to stop we can. But if we continue, I promise to go slow, whatever pace you want. I'm rather skillful so you've got the best offer here for you." All that smugness is gone and he's being all tender and caring. He understands you're nervous, and is being a real gentleman now.

This is happening, you don't want to back out.

"Alright, I trust you." You manage to answer through your shaky voice.

Rodimus is going to show you the best time possible, leaving no regrets and you only wanting to lay with only him. "Let's try this again."

He leans down again and this time you let him kiss you. It's soft and warm, not what you imagined kissing a robot would feel like, it's oddly delightful, and you lean into the kiss slowly, moving your hand up to caress his cheek.

You feel his glossa running across your lips before dipping between them, coiling with your tongue and letting out a low moan against you. There's a warm metallic taste coming from him, but there's a sweetness in it, surrounding your taste buds and causing you to moan softly in return. Sure, you've kissed guys before, but nothing compared to this kind of kiss. It was very sexual, needy, yet calm.

His servos observe over your body against your tight fitted clothes, sneaking under to touch your warm skin. He breaks apart from the intense kiss, letting out heated vents as optic downcast across your body curiously. "So, maybe you could help me out? Not used to these clothes you wear, kind of new to me."

"Alright." You're still nervous but bottle it up as you proceed to remove your clothes. First your tights, then your tank top, leaving you in your undergarments. Rodimus tilts his helm curiously at you, watching you remove your clothes slowly as he admires every inch of your soft body.

Unhooking your bra you can't help but hold it against your breasts for a moment before finally letting it drop. Then you slip out of your undies, kicking them aside and leaving you baren naked for him. You're flushed, heart hammering, feeling very exposed in his lustful optics, watching them glow brightly against you.

Silently he crawls closer, servos running up against your hip and up over towards your breast. Feeling his soft padded digits against them makes your breath hitch and nipples perk out from the contact.

"So soft." You hear him say through a gentle tone. "These can be played with, right?"

"Yeah..." You can't help but flush in embarrassment, earning an upturn smirk from him.

"I bet you've touched yourself plenty of times." His words cause you to stutter silently, earning a snicker from him. "You're so cute when you blush. Don't worry, I'll take very good care of you."

You find yourself laying down again on your back, Rodimus hovering over your naked body as he skillfully touches you all over, focusing on your breasts as he massages them before leaning over to gently drag his glossa against your perk nipple.

This causes you to arch your back, a surprised gasp leaving you, feeling nothing but the buzzing electric pleasure that rocks through your body. He likes your reaction, smirking smugly at her before taking the whole nipple into his mouth.

A lavish moan erupts from you as he does this, humming around your delicate nipple while circling his glossa around the bud, sucking as if he was a hungry baby. You feel his servo drift down between you both and touch your inner thigh making your skin quiver in delight. You then feel his digit glide up across your soft curls and against your pussy. A sudden shame tightens in your chest and he feels your body tense up, making him stop his movements and let go of your nipple with a slick pop.

"Is this alright?" He proceeds to place a kiss against your shoulder as her shifts himself back up a little. The tender contact makes you give him a bashful smile.

"Yeah. I just...don't want you to think I'm weird and hairy." You don't shave often, seeing no point, but you don't want to feel grossed out by you.

"Nah, not even close. You're an exotic beauty, gorgeous, and you have a seductive vibe that is really making me hot." He sends you a playful smirk. "So, can I continue?"

He's not your average guy, not in the slightest, but you think that's what makes this a little better to relax yourself. He's not one to judge, but to enjoy himself and make sure you have a good first experience. All you can answer with is a nod, and he continues, moving down across your body.

His warm kisses trail down lightly, across your breasts, stomach, moving between your thighs causing your breath to hitch from the tingling contact. His servos smooth against your hips and up over your waist, mouth lingering and heated vents hitting your very core, feeling his lascivious optics looking at you for just a short moment, before you feel his servos spread your thighs wider and his digits parting your pussy lips.

A jittery gasp escapes, feeling yourself exposed makes your body fidget slightly. Sure, you've touched yourself before, but no one has ever touched you like this.

"What a pretty tight flower you have." Rodimus whispers seductively, his dentas nibbling at his lower lip while he admires your fleshy pinkness, so much like a valve much to his delight. It means he knew exactly what to do with you. Leaning closer he gently drags his glossa between your folds and across your sensitive clit, letting out a groan that rumbles from his chassis.

A surprised whine erupts from you feeling him do this, so little yet with a strong reaction, it feels intensely good.

“Oh, I love that sound you make.” He drips out lustfully through a smug smile. "I can't wait to hear what other sounds I'll hear from you." He then moves forward again, nuzzling his mouth against your pussy and starts to lap at you slowly and eagerly, drawing out your sweet juices as you crane your neck back against the comforts and let out short blissful whimpers.

His glossa rolls between your folds before feeling it dip into your tight entrance causing your breath to hitch, mewling softly as he starts to feast upon your pussy and lap at your sweet dew all for himself.

Your hands grip at the comforts you lay under, eyes fluttering close as you spread your thighs more for him, melting under his erotic touches and glossa. This is so much mroe different than touching yourself, it's a thousand times better, a growing pleasure you've never felt before. You love it, every second of it.

Rodimus lets out a lingering moan against you, craving your sweet juices leaking constantly for him, drinking up everything you give him as your hips shimmy under his servos, moving in sync with his glossa.

His lips suddenly latch onto your clit and he sucks hard, causing you to mewl aloud as shivers through your body. Rapid pulses rush through you over again, eyes screwed shut as your mouth hangs open with lingering moans.

Suddenly, he stops, making you pout and causing him to chuckle lightly. "Oh don't worry, I'm not going to leave you hanging for too long." He moves back up and kisses you smoothly, tasting yourself at his lips and feeling his digit prob at your entrance before he pushes in your tight depths.

A whined hiss leaves you against his lips, the stretch is new and you are not used to it, but you try to relax by spreading your legs more and letting your body adjust to his exploring digit curling gently against your inner walls.

"So tight." He says as if he was praising you. "Frag, it's going to be a snug fit for my spike. Getting me really riled up here." Your cheeks bloom red hearing his words tickle against your ear.

"Just...please be gentle." You are worried it's going to hurt a lot, even though you're so aroused, you're still nervous about what is about to happen.

"I'll be gentle, don't you worry. You're soaking wet, so my spike should glide in with ease." He assures you before adding a second digit, stretching you further a little.

Your breath hitches but the pain wasn't so bad as you clench around him, hips moving slightly with his slowly pumping digits as he sucks at your tits again, letting out eager moans against you while you arch your chest up against his warm mouth latched onto you.

"Fuck." You breathe out through a moan, eyes closed as you lick your lips ambition.

Rodimus smiles against your nipple before letting out and gazing up at you. "Oh I love these babies, they are so soft and sensitive. I just want to bury myself in them."

Hearing this causes you to giggle tenderly through your growing arousal. "Yeah? Well, you can play with them whenever you like."

You say it before you think about it, however, he lets out a proud grin. "I was hoping you would say that. For now though, I want to make you mine, and claim your innocence."

There's a sound that confuses you, like metal shifting, then you feel something long and warm running up against your inner thigh causing your breath to hitch before glancing down.

There in plain sight was his cock, or his spike as he would call it, and you can't help but swallow thickly at the size of him. He's so thick! Bumpy ridges cascaded along his length, red luminous lines surrounding, and pink fluids leaks from his twitching tip, running around his spike to drip down onto the berth. You didn't even realise you've been staring so long and hear his playful snickers.

"Am I truly that impressive?" He leans closer as he asks this, caressing your cheek as his spike rests against your pussy.

"Yeah." You admit through a bashful smile. "You're rather big. Will you fit?" You can't help but question.

"I'm sure I'll fit. I have no doubt that you'll be able to accept my spike in your tight body. So, shall I pursue?"

All you can do is nod for your answer, feeling his lips against your own again as you rub your hands over his shoulders, a way to distract you as he positions himself and pushes into your tight entrance.

It's happening. You feel his pulsing length invade your heated core until he is met with resistance, lifts your leg up against his hip before pushing more firmly, and you feel the sharp pain snap through you.

You're no longer a virgin.

The pain wasn't so terrible but it does sting and ache still, feeling him going slow as he pushes further in, feeling his ridged spike pulsing rapidly through your channel while he kisses you slowly and passionately. You moan, both pain and pleasure, and he groans in return while his glossa coils eagerly with your tongue.

Rodimus is now pressed firmly against your pussy, fully imbedded, as he keeps still to savour your tightness clenching around him. You feel so full, which causes you to move your hand down between you bodies and your breath hitches when you feel a bulge against your lower belly caused by his vast spike throbbing in you. He does the same to meet your hand and feels it, making him break the kiss and lets out a lazy grin through his flaming arousal.

"See? You took all of me so well. You're so tight, can feel everything in you, feels fragging, wonderful, tightest valve I've ever had. Are you doing alright?" To hear him ask was kind of him.

"I'm alright..." You whimper out softly. "Please, fuck me, I want to feel it all."

"Have it all you shall have, darling." He says before he starts to move, pulling out gently, noticing the wet crimson along his spike indicating your innocence is no more. He feels rather proud of himself to be able to be your first. Gently, he rolls his waist back in, fully imbedded, and sets a calm pace as he fucks you, groaning lowly repeatedly.

Your legs tighten at his waist while your hands wrap around the back of his neck to hold onto him, soft mewls erupting from you as you feel yourself rock gently under his movements. The pain dulls and you casually now feel only the growing rush of heat flooding through you, feeling your clit rubbing against him with his movements in perfect sync.

The bulge repeatedly expands against your lower belly over again as his spike reaches deep, claiming every bit of you. Your body rocks and shakes under his slowly growing movements, thrusts becoming shorter and firmer, heated grunts formed out from him as he holds a tighter grip against your thigh and hip, watching himself entering your pussy over again. His spike hits your g-spot causing your back to arch sharply.

"Fuck! Oh fuck!" You cry out in bliss, the pounding pleasure boiling rapidly through your hot body, pussy accepting every inch of him as he snaps forward over again. There's no holding back now.

"Fragging pit, feels so good! Sucking me whole, such a good girl. Yeah, that's it, keep clenching. I'll fill you deeply with my fluids, over again, make sure your body drinks everything I give. Do you want that, huh? Want me to frag you always?" His heated vents hit against your neck as he leans closer again, pace firm and hard as he tugs you against his solid movements.

"P-please..." You whimper out as you struggle with your words.

"What's that? Go ahead, tell Roddy what you want." His rough movements are intoxidating, you crave every bit of it, clenching around his throbbing spike even more, feeling your pleasure about to snap.

"You!" You cry out in ecstasy. "All of you!"

"Take all of me then!"

Burying his face into your neck he sets an abrupt and hard pace, jackhammering against your body as he bends your leg up over his shoulder, stretching your body and you love just how much you can flex under his strong movements. He grunts hard into your ear, each thrust creating another animalistic sound from him as you fall apart under him, lust consuming every bit of you and him in the rapid movements, before you feel yourself about to crumble and don't hold back, cumming hard around his thrusting spike buried deep in you.

Your orgasim is what sends him over the edge as he lets out a lingering throat loud moan followed by the warm trans fluids flooding your channel, overlosding himself within you. His movements continue, slowing down and giving small jerks against you so he can savour every bit of you still.

You're a painting mess, moaning as you feel his spike still buried deep with the bulge and fluids embedded deeply, allowing yourself to catch your breath as he slowly comes to a stop.

Rodimus tilts your head and shares a kiss with you, tender and loving kind, before looking deeply into your eyes through his hazy optics.

"So, pretty good right?" That smugness in his voice is cute.

"So good." You answer without lying.

"Think you can handle a second round?" He gives his waist a teasing thrust, spike twitching through your inner channel that makes you whimper softly through a cocky smile. Sure, why not?

"Let's find out."

[stubz]

Tuk didn't like this. She didn't like having to carry the tank and mask, didn't like being on the ship, and certainly didn't like this coal-ition.

But they could help Mom and Dad get rid of the RDA and they were healing Neteyam so she was trying not to whine. Well not too much.

It made her feel a little better that Loak and Kiri didn't like this place either. Spider was still deciding.

Right now they on a tour of the ship, their guide looked like a fluffy Prolemuris, or as Dad called them, a monkey. It was boring.

Only the others found it cool and that's cause Spider can breathe and all the new creatures they saw and the science thingy's.

So when Tuk heard the sound of kids laughing around the corner she followed it.

Down a large hallway she saw a giant door with a huge sign that said something care something. She wasn't really paying attention when Dad and uncle Norm tried teaching her how to read.

Looking back and seeing that the others were too busy to stop her she walked in.

Inside was a giant room filled with kids, tables, stuff, more stuff and toys.

"Hi, are you new here?" she looked down and saw another creature that looked like their guide, a tiny fluffy monkey thing.

"Uhh yeah. What is this place?"

"This is the youngling centre. It's where we stay until our parents can take us home. I'm Marl."

"Tuk."

"...what are you?"

"Huh?"

"What are you? I've never seen anyone so tall, or blue."

"Uh a Na'vi. ..what are you?"

"I'm a Ursa." for a moment they stared at each other. As most children do when seeing something/someone new.

"Put your foot in for freeze tag!"

"Ooo freeze tag! Come on lets go play!"

"What's freeze tag?"

"It's a new game we just learned. Its easy." The little Ursa grabbed Tuk's tail using it as a leash to pull her along.

.

Freeze tag was Tuk's new favorite game. She loved running and there was lots of running and even if she got caught she could get out if someone unfreezed her.

The books were also fun. Marl read to her and let her hold the book. She liked the one's by Robert Munch, she also liked his funny name.

There were lots of other things to do too. There was a climbing area with fake tree tops and lots of ropes to swing on. In the back there was a shallow pool to swim in, it was fun but she didn't like having to dry off with the scratchy towels.

There were was blocks that stuck together which made building easier. Tons of markers, crayons, and paint that was hard to get back at home. They even got lunch.

"Okay kids you know the rules, grab a plate a drink and find a spot to sit."

"Teacher Max we need a chair for Tuk!"

"One chair coming right up...wait who?"

"Tuk. She's new."

It was at this moment Tuk realized she hadn't noticed the two adults in charge here. And it was at this moment that said adults realized they had one more child than usual.

"Oh hey, nice to meet you. Tuk was it," she nodded. "I'm Max and that's Kim. We're the teachers here."

Of all the new creatures and beings Tuk's seen so far it was only now that she was nervous. Humans had that effect on her. Not all humans, Spider definitely never made her nervous, but new ones did.

She knew her Dad used to be one, loved and liked uncle Norm and all the human scientists her family knew. But ever since what happened to Neteyam and their home, both the old one and new one, she was a little nervous.

"Do you like it here so far?" Luckily for her Max had noticed her nerves and knelt down to give her the advantage of height and to look her in the eyes.

She nodded.

"Well that's good. What do you like so far?"

"...the games...and drawing stuff and the food, it's good." he laughed.

"Well thank you, it's a family recipe. And I'm sure Kim will be happy to hear that you like the games she's taught the kids."

With that he gave her a chair and left her to finish her meal with Marl.

..

"Hi Tuk, I'm Kim."

"...hi."

"I noticed that your really tall. How old are you? 20?"

"No? I'm only 7." she smiled.

"What?? No way. You're almost as tall as me!"

"Actually Teacher, I think she's taller than you."

"No!"

"Tuk Tuk, stand up! Let's see!"

She got up and true enough she was taller than the adult by 2 inches.

"Holy...I didn't actually think you'd be taller than me." Kim had seen tall kids before but never had she met a kid taller than her this young.

The children laughed cheering that finally someone was taller than their shortest teacher. Tuk couldn't help but join in, standing on her tippy toes to make her even taller.

"Okay, okay that's enough. Calm down. Now, Tuk, since your so tall do you think you could help me with something?" Tuk hesitated but nodded.

Kim lead her to a tall bookshelf that had a doll stuck ontop of it.

"This has been stuck there for the whole day and we can't get it since the bookshelf can't be climbed and the ladder is broken. So what I'm thinking is you get on my shoulders and grab it. Sound good?"

"I get on your shoulders?"

"You don't have to if your scared of heights, I can ask one of the other kids or just wait."

"I'm not scared of heights," she pouted. "I just don't think you can carry me. I'm big and your small."

"Oh really?" and before Tuk could say anything she was tossed over Kim's shoulder.

"Still think I'm too small!" the blue child shrieked with laughter until she was put down and together the two got the doll down.

...

"What do you think the emergency is about?"

"Maybe Smelv burnt dinner again."

"Nah I don't think so. Captain look a little too tense for a simple fire alarm."

"So I called all of you here because we have a missing child. She was last seen on a tour of the ship with her siblings. Her name is Tuk and she is a Na'vi; tall, tail, blue, bi-pedal." he brings up a hologram of her from the security footage.

"...JAMES CAMERON WAS RIGHT?!"

"...shit I knew we weren't expecting another kid."

....

"Dad! Dad! Can I go to school here?"

"Your grounded. As are all of you." he added looking at his older kids. Plus Spider.

"Aww, Kim, Max, can I go to school here?"

"...uh Tuk, I think that's a question for another day..." preferably when your mom isn't about to bite my head off thought Kim.

"Yeah definitely. Definitely not the best time right now." Max was sweating bullets trying not make eye-contact with the Captain who was very not subtlety growling at him.

'We fucked up.' they both thought.

[gemstone-roses]

I love your Hannibal writings!

If you have a chance (and feel like it) — can you write a hurt/comfort Hannibal or even Hannigram x reader (Fem or GN is cool! & as sfw or nsfw as you want — but if you do nsfw could you sneak in some size play?)

Reader is coming up on an indefinitely bad time at work and needs Hannibal (and will) to comfort them & encourage them to stick with it. They don’t understand why reader can’t or won’t resign but they’ll be there for them.

Hi! Thankyou so much! I'm so sorry there's something wrong with my inbox I'm not seeing requests come through in my notifs! So apologies I didn't see this sooner!

Comfort

Warnings: not safe for work, 18+ ONLY!!!! size kink. Smut. , did i say size kink okay Comfort, hurt/comfort.

Summary: there's only one thing that can help you calm down tonight. Gender neutral reader.

"What's the matter darling?" Hannibal asks from his home office.

"M, nothing!" You say quickly, hands twisting around each other.

Hannibal pushes his chair out and stands up, his wide form almost engulfing you as he steps closer.

"Talk to me darling" he murmurs, bringing his hand to tilt your chin to look at him. His hand lingers, stroking slowly down your face.

"It's work, we're short staffed" you say dejectedley.

"And next week, we haven't got enough staff to cover this huge event which means I'll be doing about six other people's jobs and it's too warm and so many people i need y-

"Shh, its okay" hannibal cuts you off.

Hannibal moves even closer, his big arms wrapping around you and pulling you into him.

"I should just give up, the thought is filling me with dread" you mumble into him.

Hannibal places his hands on your shoulders

"Do you need me to take your mind off of it?" He asks softly.

"yeah" you say.

He leads you to your shared bedroom.

"Sit down" he guides you to sit on the edge of the bed, stepping in between your legs, his towering form giving you a kind of comfort. As well as something else.

It made you tremble.

He wraps his arms around you once more, his hands link behind your head.

"Your incredible" he mutters as he places a kiss on your forehead.

"And amazing at your job" he whispers, licking a thick stripe along your neck.

You let out a small moan, and hannibal smirks slightly into your flesh.

"hanni" you whine, your hands around his waist, pulling him in.

"I got you" he says, his thick accent and his soft words making you throb.

You come undone on his tongue.

And then he unravels you with his cock. Stretching you out.

He stays on top of you when your done, his hand caressing your face gently, a lazy smile across his face.

His weight on top of you grounds you.

"You know while I don't understand why you can't or won't resign from this job, I'll support you through the bad days to come, and no matter whether you stay in the job or not, I'm here" he reassures you.

You smile up at him,

"Thankyou".

[itsscromp]

OMG SO I REQUESTED THE TOMAS WITH THE KID READER, IT WAS SO CUTE, USVHSBS

Could I ask for a follow up, maybe? The ending had the reader drawing, so what if the reader just draws him, themselves and Kuai Liang just hanging out all the time? Bonus points if they're not at all good and literally just stick figures, but it's clear they put so much love into it that it doesn't matter

Tomas Vbrada/Smoke and Kuai Liang/Scorpion X reader

Awwwwwwww anon This is so adorable I love it so damn much, Your brain is on fire this month !!!. Word count:1K

Whenever you finished up training or done your chores in the dojo, It was no surprise that you would spend your free time drawing, Most of the time you would draw you and Smoke, Granted they were stick figures but you put so much love and care into them. Even having Kuai liang in your drawings as well.

"Kuai I drew something new !!" You said proudly.

"Ah what have you drawn today ??" He smile as you handed him a drawing.

"This is me" You pointed at the stick figure what looks like its punching a wooden pole. "And this is you" Pointing to the second stick figure who was cheering you on.

"This is very lovely y/n, Thank you for this" He smiled brightly, you just made his day.

Both Tomas and Kuai have a huge collection of your drawings, each one putting so much love and care into it. You really did see them as your brothers, even though you didn't share the same blood. You saw them as brothers who would do nothing else to protect you and help you be the very best you can be.

One day, It was a nice beautiful summer's day outside, and Kuai decided to treat you two to a day out, no worrying about any chores or training.

"How about a day swim at the lake nearby ??" He smiled.

"Yeah I like that !!" You smiled enthusiastically which made Smoke chuckle, If you had a tail it would be wagging almost out of control.

"Alright then we leave very soon, so I suggest we help each other pack for the day out." With that the two then quickly changed into their swim clothes and packed dry ones and a towel while Kuai filled a basket with food and water.

Y/n also packed their notepad and pencil too just incase they see anything interesting along the way to the lake.

They began they're walk to the lake, the summer sun working a sweat on all of you.

"Don't worry y/n we're nearly there" Smoke smiled and patted your shoulder.

"Ok..." You wiped the sweat off your forehead with your arm.

And within a few minutes you arrived at the lake, the water crystal clear, cool and inviting. "Go on then" Kuai smiled and sat down under the tree.

Y/n cheered and rushed into the water, diving in and just having a blast, Tomas dived in too, but you were distracted so he gave the most perfect opportunity and then swam up to you without even noticing and then he struck, lifting you up out of the water.

"What the. Tomas !!!" You giggled

"Ready, in 3... 2... 1... Go !!!" He then tossed you back into the water.

"NO" You yelled as you splashed in and swam back up, Tomas giving the most cheeky smile you have ever seen. Then it turns into a water fight oh boy was he going down. Kuai Liang smiled brightly watching you two play in the water. He's never seen Tomas this happy before, it warmed his heart to see how close you and him were. Just being able to let loose and have a bit of fun.

"Kuai Come on in !!' You yelled out to him, making him lose his train of thought. "I'm all good y/n" He declined polietly.

"Oh man..." You pouted.

"Hey I know something that might get him in" Tomas whispered to you.

"Oh ??"

He gently whispered into your ear as Kuai then looked back up into the sky and closed his eyes, taking in the soft breeze. It only lasted for a few seconds when he felt water splash onto him. Opening his eyes to find it was you as you laughed running back into the water.

"Come back here y/n" He smirked and rushed after you, diving into the water and swam for you.

"Tomas help me !!" You shrieked as you swam to him, but you didn't reach him in time as Kuai then caught you and started to tickle your sides.

"No !!" You giggled loudly, you had nowhere to go. Trapped in the clutches of kuai's tickle attack.

"That's what you get for splashing me." He smirked as he then let you go and splashed you.

"It came with some sacrifice but we got him into the water huh y/n" Tomas smirked and playfully nudged you.

"Don't think you're getting out of this too brother." He smirked and splashed him as well.

"Wha- hey !!" He smiled as he splashed back.

Another giant water fight ensued, one with lots of smiles and laughs, the three spent hours having fun in the water, it was much needed after many days of training.

After a fun day of swimming and being with your brothers you decided to make a new drawing about your day. You were going to make this the very best drawing the elder gods have ever seen. It took longer this time, showing how much love and care you were going to put into this drawing. After almost 45 minutes it was finished. It was beautiful, But before you showed them, you placed in the most important thing of the drawing, you, Tomas and Kuai.

"Guys I got something to show you !!" You smiled so brightly.

"Oh, what is it ??" Tomas asked.

You then showed them the drawing, placing it in front of them as they looked over, The lake day was perfectly drawn. So much love and care, and you had the stick figures in too.

"That's me, and Kuai and you. We're hugging each other like we did in the lake."

Both of them smile brightly and group hug you.

"This is very beautiful y/n, thank you so much" Kuai gently rubbed your shoulder blade and smiled.

"I love you guys..."

And if their hearts couldn't melt any further, You were their sibling, one of the Shirai Ryu. One who they would always protect no matter what the situation is. You were family.

Taglist @callofdudes @fun-k-board

[carionto]

Human sciens is simply fuck around and find out

So when the humans give a tour of the labs so alliance members see what the crazed apes are up to, suddenly BOOM the halls shake and lights flicker but the tour group is fine while the one giving the tour says something like "Ah thats the sound of progress" all while there's people rushing by with guns and extinguishers yelling about a code Red and subject escape

[22/09/23] Nice, that is a fun trope to work with. I think I'll leave the dinosaur crew be, and have some other questionable research station make a debut with an "accident". [23/09/23] Idea pops in my head after several rejections - Human-alien hybrids (because you can't cross-breed because that's not how biology works, but Humans are still curious, because of course we are) [24/09/23] Actually, no, I don't like that: 1st - fairly common as is; 2nd - doesn't feel right with the Humanity I'm writing out. No, I think a better avenue is, since Earth in this verse is gonna collapse in on itself in under a century, experiments towards terraforming methods, since that's a requirement and thus a literal blank check for any- and everything. Yes. (mad scientist voice) Yeessss, I can see it taking shape! [25/09/23] It took some kind of shape indeed.

_____________________________

Biology is the most diverse and complicated field of research with literally no end in sight. We will eventually discover every law of physics, and, yes, chemistry also has the potential for limitless combinations, only in biology can you find and create circumstances where trillions of different organisms co-exist and co-operate, compete, and can create a stable and self sustaining system. Not to mention mutation and evolution across generations, as well as the myriad of changes and adaptations a single organism can undergo in its singular lifespan. The potential is truly beyond the bounds of imagination.

Since biology is an omnipresent field in every civilization, it is only natural that it didn't take long before a Human led joint Coalition Flora research station was established - the Efflorescent Sneezewort Yarrow.

It is also natural that not long after that the non-Human staff sent this panicked message:

The Humans are insane! First, there is no regulation for anything beyond decontamination, which would be fine, if - IF - they didn't sometimes just bring the test materials out with them anyway for, and I quote: "Let it experience the outside world" or "Introduce it to my other plant buddies." The head researcher, instead of reprimanding this clearly dangerous behavior, just lets it happen. As a matter of fact, he almost exclusively and constantly ingests a plant-based gaseous substance through a device he calls a "bong" and locks himself for days on end within a random lab and, as he put it while looking at the ceiling: "Feel out the connections. We're all part of one whole, and only by becoming one with the roots of the soul can you truly attain the understanding of the spirit, and unlock the true calling of each sapling." As I draft this emergency message, there is a shuttle going through decontamination with two squads, one is an extreme disaster containment unit, the other a full on military special forces unit. With heavy duty weaponry. The worst is what they had to say: "Yeah, sometimes one of these nutcases gets the idea to combine plants with animal genes, and, to be fair, with access to the whole Coalition database and samples, I get it. There's a lot of really weird and cool creatures out there on each planet, makes most people at least think about playing scientist. Anyway, it's gonna be fine, the code said it was just a Mini HoH, so we'll be done in under an hour and you can all go back to doing your thing. I just hope we don't have to burn the thing this time, the prof said it's something like a dandelion and a small rainforest actual almost-lion from one of the real far out planets, but it's got bunny ears and the nose of a German shepherd, sorta. I think that's kinda neat." By the way, HoH stands for, and I am not making this up and the translator did get it right - House of Horrors. They claim it is just an homage to a piece of old Human culture. I don't believe them. I refuse to be a part of this madhouse for any longer than I must. Send a vessel and return me to a normal laboratory setting. I will now incubate myself in a cryo-pod to prevent any more exposure to these "scientists". Thaw me out in clean garbs and with two interns already doing real work on new medicines.

[oops-all-concrete]

What would you think of how would each BG3 companions to Tav being secretly a god that has been tagging along with them all this time? Just curious

(SORRY IT TOOK ME SO LONG TO GET TO THIS, MY BRAIN HELD MY MOTIVATION RANSOM MIDWAY THROUGH ME WRITING THIS)

Ooohhhhh this sounds funnyyyy

Context: I'm imagining Tav is a god and has God status, a place in the pantheon and everything, but-! So continuity makes sense and the whole journey is still necessary, I'd assume them a curious God of some miscellaneous small thing so their powers wouldnt be THAT useful anyhow (God of clouds, God of fur, God of bread) but yeah!

BG3 companions react to Tav secretly being a...God???

(MILD SPOILERS FOR ACT 1/2)

Lae'zel -

She's suspicious at first, disbelieving of course. But as she watches Tav just summon (whatever they're the god of) from thin air, she frowns. "Chk. You may be of godly status, but if you're unwise enough to get kidnapped by a ghaik nautaloid, you are no mighty God." She finishes, nose upturned and almost- dissapointed??

Shadowheart -

Once shes been convinced, she frowns. "I don't think I've ever known of such a God...granted, Lady Shar only allowed for us to study her." She admits. She's quite hesitant, but she does ask. "Have you ever...met lady Shar/Seluné? Can you tell her I say hi? Is that appropriate?"

Wyll -

He's also hesitant to believe, but he's so curious once he believes you. "Wait, so, what's it like being a God? Does being a mortal feel weird? Are you immune to anything? What happens if you die? Does someone become the new God of what you're the God of? Are you even allowed to be here? What does the immortal plane smell like?" Just, a million and one questions and he wants ALL the stories.

Karlach -

"Woah! That's so cool, I wish I was a God...I'd be the God of potatoes. Is that already a thing?" Regardless if its true, she let's Tav have their fun. She also refers to every time she's saved by Tav as 'Divine Intervention' which isn't...wrong?

Gale -

"Ah, I got that impression, albeit with doubt." He says, sounding only a little smug. "Your disguise is well crafted, I'll give you that. Definitely something I aspire to learn from" he smiles fondly. Then there's a pause. "...I understand its not quite your field but you wouldn't be someone who could fix the whole...orb in me chest could you? Or would that also put you under Mystras ire?"

Astarion -

He seems immediately intrigued. "Really? I thought you were a little calm for all of this, but I never would have guessed- no offense. I'm sure you're very...powerful in your own way!" He says, somewhat forcing a smile. "So- does prayer work, or does the world have to be ending for everyone in order for you to pick up a summon?" He asks, curious, but seeming somewhat irritated too. He doesn't elaborate on why.

Halsin -

He seems doubtful at first but believes you quicker than you expected. "I hadn't imagined thr gods would send one of their own to come and save me from goblins or...help lift a shadow curse left by Shar of all people." He says, a faint smile on his face. "While I am in your debt, you should my life is already pledged to Silvannus. I hope what I'm already doing is enough"

Jaheira -

She looks Tav up and down, crosses her arms, and then- chuckles? "Sorry, I just- I feel like I finally have evidence I've been here too long. I haven't passed away to some dumb idea yet, so the Gods sent one of their own to get me." She laughs it off but then looks at Tab quite seriously. "...you're not here to get me are you?"

Minsc -

"I know!" He replies happily, not missing a beat. "Boo alerted me of your origins immediately. He's delighted to be joined by another of the pantheon, even if a lesser God" He smiles, mindlessly as ever.

[rikaluver]

Joy Ride - Postal Dude x AFAB Reader

Genre - Smut

This is an old fic of mine, you can find it on AO3 but I don't know where since it was on my old account...Anyways, enjoy!!

The heat hits you like a wave. The sun beats down relentlessly from a cloudless sky, casting everything in a harsh, unyielding light. The gas station is a low-slung building, its faded yellow and red paint peeling in the desert sun.

You get closer and spot a tall man in a tattered black trench coat loitering near the pumps. He’s got a scruffy goatee and a wild look in his eye, and he seems to be muttering to himself as he paces back and forth.

Freak, you think to yourself. 

You push open the door, and a blast of cool air washes over you, providing a welcome respite from the scorching desert heat. It’s dimly lit inside, with rows of shelves stocked with snacks, drinks, and other random shit. There’s one other customer inside—an older man. He’s standing by idly, not looking at anything or buying anything. It’s like he’s not even there. 

You make your way to the back of the store, grabbing a few snacks and some beer (a lot of it). There isn’t much to do around in this ghost town; you spend most of your time getting drunk or high. As you return to the store's front, you notice a display of souvenirs near the register. Postcards with the Grand Canyon, refrigerator magnets, random shit with the state flag plastered on it, you name it. 

The cashier appears disconnected, staring blankly ahead and barely acknowledging your presence. As rude as it is, you snap your fingers before him to get his attention. He blinks slowly and looks at you vacantly before scanning your items. He’s moving in slow motions as if operating on autopilot. 

You don’t bother to make small talk; you know he’ll give one-word responses, not registering your words. It’s always the same with the people in Paradise. They’re like zombies. 

You finish paying and gathering your belongings, though you can’t help but feel a bit of unease. 

You feel the warm sun on your skin and the desert air in your lungs the moment you step outside. You shield your eyes from the sun's rays, waiting for your eyes to adjust. 

The people in this town stick around one place, and you rarely see them anywhere else, so when you see the guy there when you entered, smoking, it’s not a surprise. You know everyone’s face (not that there are many people, to begin with), but you can’t recognize this guy. You’re unsure if you’ve ever seen him outside, and you’d undoubtedly remember him considering his height (he’s got to be 6’5” at least).

He spots you after a while and quickly stubs his cigarette out before walking up to you. 

“You’re not one of the contaminated ones, I can tell.”

“Jesus, dude, what?”

A manic grin spreads across his face, “You’ve noticed it, haven’t you?”

You take a step back, feeling a bit uneasy. The man in front of you seems like he’s on something. And, unlike everybody else in the town, you can’t tell what his next move will be.

“There’s something in the air infecting everyone in Paradise. You and I are the only uninfected people left in this town.”

You scoff and push past him, making your way back home. You were right to think he was a freak when you first saw him. As animated as he may be, he’s still one of the crazy people around here. 

Are you the only one with a functioning brain around?

The man grabs your shoulder and turns you around effortlessly, griping you too firmly. Not only was he abnormally tall, but he was also abnormally strong. 

“I know. I know what you’re thinking—you think I’m one of them, right? Different but still crazy, yeah?” His eyes flicker between you and whatever’s behind you (you know there’s nothing and no one behind you). The look in his eyes is one of a man on the edge, teetering between madness and despair. “You can trust me, though. I thought the same when I saw you,” he punctuates each word, his grip tightening.

You feel a sharp jolt of pain through your muscles; the shit he’s saying goes in one ear and out the other. You need him to let go. The pressure is intense, and it feels like his fingers are digging deep into your flesh, leaving a mark you can feel long after he’s released his hold.  

“Yeahyeahyeah, you’re right, now let me go!” Your voice comes out more desperate than you’d like it to.

Realizing that he may have been too forceful, the man quickly lets go of your shoulder. “Sorry,” he says, a note of concern in his deep voice. “You’re willing to hear me out though, right?”

You nod, rubbing your shoulder to soothe the soreness, not considering what you just agreed to. And before you know it, the man’s taking you to his house. He introduces himself as Postal Dude. You’re not sure why he’s using a fake name if, apparently, you two are the only ordinary people around.

As you approach his home, you see it’s in disarray, with broken furniture and discarded items strewed outside. It seems The Dude has been living in survival mode, making do with whatever he can salvage. 

It’s no wonder you’ve never seen him around.

Once inside, Postal Dude leads you to a small, makeshift living room with only a few small lamps providing light, a worn-out couch, and a rickety table that needs to be flipped back up. You sit on the couch (the only “clean” place) and look at his living conditions.  The walls are bare, and the floors are made of old, creaky wood planks that groan at any pressure applied. Stacks of newspapers, empty beer bottles, and discarded food wrappers are piled up in the room's corners. There are a few personal touches here and there, a well-arranged collection of….weapons on a nearby shelf, an old game console (he doesn’t have a TV), and porno magazines! How homely!

He doesn’t sit down with you. He, instead, walks over to the window, peering out anxiously through the blinds. His posture is tense, and you can tell he’s on edge. Jesus, you can practically see the fear and anxiety emanating from him, and you wonder what he’s looking for. You assume the “infection” must make him paranoid and attentive, always looking for potential threats. 

“You okay?” you ask cautiously. 

After a few moments, he turns back to you, his expression still serious. “We need to be careful,” his voice is low and urgent.

“Uh, yeah, for sure,” you fiddle with your bag. Maybe drinking might get him to calm down (and break the silence). You take out a can of beer, you’re shocked the thing’s still cold, and hold it out to him. “Want one?”

He doesn’t reply but walks back to the couch and grabs the beer you’re offering. You watch as he cracks open a can and chugs it down like it's nothing; he lets out a satisfied sigh and sits down next to you. He seems more at ease. He grabs another from the bag, cracks it open, only taking a sip this time, and begins to ramble about the supposed infection. His tone is urgent; his words spill out quickly as if he's been waiting for someone to talk to about this for a long time.

“It's crazy out there, you know,” he says, taking a swig of his beer. “People are turning into these—these things. I don’t even know what to call them.”

You nod, taking in his words. It’s clear now that Postal Dude is fucking mental. But hey, he’s the most exciting thing around town and will have an actual conversation with you, so you decide to humor him.

"Have you seen them?"

“Yeah, all over the place, they’re slow but fuckin’ insane. If I ever let one catch me, I probably wouldn’t be here to help you. You’ve seen them too.”

“I have?”

"Yeah, back at the gas station. Two of them." He drinks the rest of his beer and goes on a tangent about…stages and stuff…to explain the ones you encountered. You give up on trying to keep track a couple of words in, and the guy talks for what feels like forever. You start chugging beers with him to cope with the total bullshit he's spewing. Nothing he's saying makes sense. You're surprised you didn't see any comic books about aliens invading Earth lying around. His imagination is way too active. Or he's delusional. He's mistaking everyday citizens who work tirelessly for people infected and trying to kill him. It's safe to say you don't believe a single word coming out of his mouth. Though, you're having fun listening to him talk. 

The Dude’s voice is deep and gravelly; he speaks in a low, measured tone, as if every word is carefully chosen for maximum impact. Even when he’s slurring his words right now, you like it. When he finally finishes his deviation, you realize how much you miss hearing him talk. 

His voice isn’t the only thing you like about him. A middle-aged man with a rugged appearance isn’t exactly who you’d go after, but his looks are eye-catching. His hair’s unkept and greasy, falling in messy strands around his face. His deep-set green eyes draw you in. In fact, he’s one of the few good-looking men in Paradise. Or you’d assume you never paid attention to looks (or sanity). Dick size was the only thing that mattered.

And speaking of dick size…

“So…what do I do?”

He slurs something you presume to be a ‘what?’

“About them going mad and attacking me, what do I do about that?” 

“Fight back.” You know the question’s stupid, and so does he, chuckling a little under his breath. “If you'd let me, I don’t mind showing you a thing or two.”

He explains some basic self-defense techniques, stuff you already know. The more he talks, the more excited you get. Something about his voice hits you hard, deep in your gut. It might be the alcohol. Who cares what it is, though?

You lean in closer, catching his lips with yours in a slow kiss. He returns the kiss in a far less passive fashion. He doesn't wait for you to acclimatize to his kiss's more aggressive tempo, brushing his tongue over your lip eagerly. The subtle taste of alcohol lingers on his lips. When he opens his mouth, and his tongue meets yours, the citrusy, bitter flavor is intensified tenfold. You groan, pushing further into the kiss. Postal Dude seems more than pleased to indulge you, playing along with your lead while his hands wander and grope at whatever’s most readily available. Down they go, over your back and shoulders to cup your ass, twisting around to knead and stroke your thighs and hips. It's as if he can't decide which part of you was the most enticing.

After some time, he wraps his hands around your waist and hoists you onto his thigh. You only now realize how tall he is; you guessed he was 6’5” at first, but he’s humongous. So is the tent in his pants!

Your hands trail down between the two of you and unbutton his trousers, and at the sight of his undergarments, you sort of raise an eyebrow. You brush your fingers against the tip of his crotch, and he lets out a hitched breath against your lips.

“You got a condom?” He pulls away from your lips and trails kisses on your collarbone.

You whimper slightly at the contact, “no…is that a deal breaker for you?”

He sighs and mumbles a “yeah” against your shoulder.

“Hey, it’s fine, man,” you shuffle him off your shoulder a bit. When he looks up at you, you raise your hand to his face, cupping his neck and rubbing your thumb under his jaw. “If you won’t fuck me without a condom, I’m down with giving you head or a handjob.”

Postal Dude considers it for a brief second before his face bores the dejected expression it did a minute ago. 

“Orrr…” you trail off.

“Or?”

“Or I could ride your thigh while you jerk off.” 

That’s an idea that sticks with him. He’s not comfortable letting anyone around his junk. If he’s ever had anyone around his junk, that is.

You watch as he takes himself out of his boxers. You gawk at the sheer size of his dick before taking it all in. It suits a man his height.

You're somewhat grateful neither of you had condoms on you; there's no way you could fit that all in you. Well, maybe you could, but you'd end up in the hospital.

Words can't express how badly you'd love to touch it (whore). But alas, you can't. Gotta respect boundaries.

As he begins touching himself, you find yourself (metaphorically) drooling at the sight. It's, like, really hot. He pants and lets out soft whines occasionally, and you eat up every part of it. After a bit, you realize you're just staring at him and not fulfilling your end of the deal (plus, you're horny as fuck, and you have to take care of that too). You start your movements on his thigh, nice and slow. You let yourself enjoy how good it feels to grind against him, albeit embarrassing. His eyes are on you, and you can't tell if he's judging you or what, but he's undoubtedly enjoying it if the way he thrusts up into his hand is any indication. 

It's humiliating. 

It's exciting.

With a slight struggle, you wrap your arms around his neck and get closer for a quick peck on the lips. 

The “supposed” peck quickly turns to making out, and one of your hands rests on his head, not keeping him there, just finding a more comfortable position. Without realizing it, your fingers run through his ginger hair, and he whines into your mouth, leaning further into the kiss. 

You pet him some more, and his hips buck into his hand each time, giving you more pleasure. It’s embarrassing for him but extremely arousing for you. 

After a while, you pick up the pace against his thigh. You vibrate as he fucks his hand, admiring how you look. It’s disgusting but oh-so intoxicating. You pant into each other, verging on each other's climaxes. The Dude cums first with a breathless grunt, and you follow, wetting his thigh.