#like you dont get to be all 'men should express their emotions and be vulnerable' and then reinforce the traditional gender roles on-

[snekdood]

yall are willing to die for trans women and not trans men and we should talk about it actually

[cosmicjoke]

I find it so hilarious that some people are still mad about Bad Boy being about Levi months after it was revealed to be about him. Like some people have said it should have been about Eren... literally the MAIN CHARACTER of the series?? Like at this point it just reeks of jealousy. Anyways, im looking forward to Bad Boy later this year but also nervous because I dont want him to be trafficked 😭

Yeah, I don't get what people are whining about at ALL.

We already KNOW everything about Eren's childhood. Like you said, he's the main character, and we see multiple flashbacks to his childhood throughout the story. Why would we need more?

The thing that people who are complaining about "Bad Boy" don't seem to understand is that we've never gotten to see Levi's childhood from his perspective. We have literally a handful of panels of Levi's childhood, and they're all told from Kenny's perspective, with the sole exception of the one panel we see, where Levi watches Kenny walk away and abandon him. So we never actually got to see any of Levi's experiences growing up from his view point. And given this is HIS childhood, HIS life, HIS experiences, I think it's vitally important that we do get to see it from his view point. I don't know why anyone would complain about this, or be disappointed. When they express that, to me, that's them dismissing the view point of a child who went through truly traumatizing experiences. They're essentially saying that child's perspective doesn't matter. I find that incredibly ugly.

For sure, it's nerve wracking, given the small glimpse we've already seen from the preview pages. I don't know if Levi will actually end up being kidnapped and sold into a trafficking ring or not. But even just the threat of it is horrific and heartbreaking to witness. Levi's had the hardest life out of any of the characters in AoT. And this is why I think it's important to get a real look at his childhood from his view point. So many idiots think Levi is this unfeeling hardass, which blows my mind. You'd have to be blind to think that. But Levi is very reserved, and he keeps his emotions locked away inside him, and that's a result of how he grew up. You couldn't allow yourself to be vulnerable in a place like the Underground. We see that immediately in the preview pages. Levi shows his emotion, shows his vulnerability when he goes to try and get his mother's possession back from those men, and they use it against him. They hurt him for it. He pays the price for allowing his sentimentality to show. We already have an example, then, of why Levi keeps his feelings so well guarded, even before we've had a chance to properly read the story. That kind of thing nearly got him killed in the preview pages we've had, and it might have lead to him being kidnapped and sold into a sex trafficking ring, or very nearly did, in any event.

Anyway, screw the people complaining. Levi deserves to have his story told. So many other characters had their traumatic childhood's highlighted in great detail. Including Zeke, of all people. Why the hell shouldn't Levi have the same? He deserves to have his story told more than anyone, I think.

[thatbitchsimone]

I also love Angelica and think she's so great - there's another video on her youtube where she says people should only lose their virginity in their 20's - what do you think about this? I agree with her sentiment to an extent and I do think as a woman I was put into many situations that make me feel used now and I am sure this can negatively affect men as well.. I just kind of felt ashamed/worried after watching the video because she said that having sex very young can negatively set you up for life and I agree to an extent but I think there's more nuance to it than a 20 minute youtube video can express.. And also I think the problem more with me is I didn't know to express my boundaries or communicate and people took advantage of that sometimes.. and just how women are socialised etc etc

i was just gonna watch that video but it looks like shes deleted all of those videos (which sucks ass bc she had an amazing video about the tumblr nymphet community and its parallels to nambla and how it has negatively affected us that got seduced by that little subculture back in the mid 2010s) so unfortunately i cant answer this properly bc i dont have the full context and i dont have her arguments etc but i can still give some of my immidiate thoughts on it so here we go

i think losing ur virginity/wait with sex until ur in ur 20s is probably ideal tbh and i would absolutely encourage it for anyone who is in their teens rn and havent had their sexual debut yet. main reason being that u will be old enough to understand sex and its risks and effects and u will have had time to figure ur own body out more and u will most likely have at the very least basic level emotional intelligence and maturity that is required to have safe and healthy and enjoyable sex. like u have just finished puberty and just left teenagehood behind which is a messy and confusing and rough lifestage for all of us and ur now entering adulthood and have gained some perspective etc and u are way more in tune with urself (at the very least compared to when u were a teen) and both ur body and brain will be developed enough to be able to handle sex and have a realistic attitude around it and while ofc u can still be manipulated and u may still be somewhat naive it wont be anywhere near AS easy to manipulate u as it would have been earlier bc thats just how it is. u might still be vulnerable maybe sure but if ur vulnerable now u were even MORE vulnerable when u were a teen. its just how it is. thats how growing up works. u will probably have a way easier and more enjoyable sexual debut in ur 20s bc u will have a headstart in so many ways both physically and emotionally.

BUT im not gonna pretend like its that black and white and simple. Many girls (and boys but im focusing on women here) have perfectly normal and healthy sexual encounters when they are teenagers and i rly dont believe that sex will just automatically traumatize and harm u when ur a teen bc lets be real here, the key here is that u explore sex with UR PEERS, boys and girls within ur own age group, NOT ppl that are 20+ when u are like 14-16. when ur a high schooler and u want to explore sex u do it with other high schoolers. ppl ur own age. I think its perfectly fine and normal to have sex when ur a teen, but that is assuming u are having sex with other teens. NOT ppl that are like 5 years older than u. thats when actual impactful long lasting harm becomes highly likely. feeling like u got used and heartbroken by a boy in ur school aka a boy that is ur peer and ur own age will hurt and suck and will leave an impact on u but its a very different impact than the one u will be left with if u felt taken advantaged of by someone much older (not a teen). the dynamics are whats important here i think.

sex and relationships are messy and yes u can always get fucked up from it thats just how it is. u cant avoid it. u just need to be able to handle it and maybe ur not ready to handle it until ur like 25, thats fine. dont do it then. like if u dont think ur ready, just wait until u are. if ur like 15 and feel ready then go ahead but STICK TO PPL UR OWN AGE when ur that young. u gotta be equals. period.

[jiminiesfavouritecolourisblue]

Our little love - mafia/soft Yandere au OT7 Drabble

So I might’ve started this with a little angst and really soft hints of yandere behaviour however I think I might do a part two for this with a little bit more yandere and jealousy vibes (I got ideas okay, just needed a starting point)

“Tell me why I shouldn’t put a bullet in your head little love?” Even with the gun pressed firmly against your head, the cold of the barrel threatening to do as he said, you know Yoongi won’t do it, even if you deserved it.

All seven of them stand around you, no matter which way you face you’re met with the disappointment and the consequence of your betrayal in their eyes, but you refuse to look down in shame, you deserved to feel the guilt that pumped in your veins.

“He asked you a question Y/n,” Jin doesn’t have the smile he reserves for you on his face, all their demenor’s are cold, and you are the reason why.

“You love me,” you whisper, looking Yoongi dead in the face with no fear.

“I thought you loved us too,” Namjoon steps forward, breaking the circle around you, coming close to stand next to Yoongi. He has his hands in the pockets of his black blazer, silver hair pushed back.

“Was it all a lie?” if a voice could break you it would always be Jungkook’s, he was the one it took the longest to become close to, and when you had you could see the softness in his eyes despite his career. Of course he would sound the most hurt, he trusted you the most.

Yoongi, with his unfaltering gun, was the other member of their team that took you almost as long as Jungkook to get close to. While Jungkook was just shy, Yoongi didn’t trust anyone, he pushed people away, hurt them to keep them far, you learnt that the hard way. While his eyes looked like they held no emotion in this moment, you knew better, he had shown you his soul, you could see behind the barrier of his expression.

You took his wrist into your hand and pressed the gun harder against you.

“You should shoot me,” it would be better to be dead than live without them, they would never forgive you for what you’d done. The betrayal cut too deep, these wounds wouldn’t heal.

Yoongi scoffs, but you don’t let his wrist go.

“I told you all she shouldn’t be trusted,” he says to the others. “Why would a girl like her fall for men like us?”

You can feel the pain in his words, because above all else, no matter what he says, Yoongi just wants to be loved. They all do, that’s why it was almost too easy.

“Well now we know, don’t we babe?”

“That wasn’t my intention,” you swallow the sob that threatens to rise in your throat, you hate seeing him like this, you hate that you’re the reason why they’re hurt. Every time they came home with a bullet, or a cut or wound, it would kill you inside and you realised then you were compromised.

“No your intention was to infiltrate our defenses and rat us out,” Jimin’s the one to chime in, standing next to Tae who looks at you like you’re dead to him.

“Detective L/n, did you really think we’d never find out?”

You look to your side to make sure Jimin could see the honesty in your eyes.

“It wasn’t my intention to fall for you,” you sound like you’re choking with the way you’re holding back tears, but you don’t want to cry in front of them, it would feel like giving up.

You were assigned to go undercover to infiltrate the uprising gang called BTS, they climbed the heirarchy of organised crime too quickly, too dangerously, something had to be done. You went in with every intention set to take them down until you got to know them, love them, and you knew then you couldn’t do your job. The internal battle to do what was right but felt wrong and what was wrong but felt so right was causing all your morals to be questioned.

Tae scoffs at you now, not believing a word from your mouth.

“I don’t think we should kill her Hyung,” he says to Yoongi, “she needs to feel her betrayal, it would be too easy to escape us with death.”

Namjoon hums in agreement. The cold of the gun leaves your skin and you almost feel unsteady without it. Yoongi doesn’t look at you anymore now that it’s not there, instead he takes your wrist as you previously had, and they walk you to the car. You don’t fight, or talk, or argue, or ask what they wanted to do to you.

The boys had trusted you infinitely, while others had agendas and seeked their downfall they knew you were the only one that wouldn’t betray them, how wrong they were. For your safety they kept an eye on you, when you went out one of them would follow to ensure their little love didnt get into trouble or worse, get hurt. Imagine their surprise when you walked into the police station.

You didn’t tell them you went in to hand in your notice, unable to continue with this lie, it didn’t matter, the damage was done, anything you said would be meaningless.

Your sat inbetween Jungkook and Hoseok, who still hadn’t uttered a word to you, but you could see him restraining his hurt and anger. Jin was in the drivers seat with Yoongi beside him. The others must’ve taken the other car, you don’t really acknowledge it you’re too deep in your own thoughts.

You don’t come up for air until you feel a hand soft on yours in your lap, Jungkook doesn’t look at you, just at how he’s stroking the back of your hand with his thumb comfortingly. You don’t mean for your heart to swell in your chest, pushing the tears up and out.

Jin and Yoongi don’t miss the way your bottom lip trembles in the rear view mirror, the small sniffles or the tears glistening down your face that you wipe away quickly with your other hand. Hobi puts his arm around you, still looking out the window as if you’re not there, but his actions show what they all know in their hearts; they still loved you.

“Why are you crying baby girl you’re not the one with the knife in your back,” Hobi mumbles. They think you’re scared of what they’re going to do with you now they know, but that couldn’t be further from your mind. They want to reassure you, but the words are stuck in their throats.

“You need to be punished darling, otherwise you won’t learn,” Jin can see you nodding to his words in the mirror in acceptance.

“I know.”

——————————————————————————

You expected them to put you in the cellar where they tortured their enemies, you don’t even realise you’re in the living room until you’re placed on the couch. You don’t look up until Namjoon is standing in front of you.

He traces his finger from the edge of your jaw to your chin, your eyes big on him from his soft touch. The calm should scare you, but the only anxiety you have is over whether you should hope for another chance or whether they’ll throw you onto the street when they’re done.

When a tear hits Namjoon’s hands he frowns, they didn’t expect this from you when they confronted you with what they uncovered. They expected you to reveal another face, the true colours beneath the girl they all fell hard for, kick and scream and throw insults their way over the life they had, how awful they were, how they didn’t deserve to be loved. But you kept quiet, eerily quiet, and they didn’t know what to think anymore.

Letting you leave was out of the question, whether you wanted to stay or not. Not because they were concerned that you had seen too much, they didn’t care, they couldn’t imagine their lives without you anymore. The trust might’ve faded, but their love for you was real. Yoongi might’ve created a farce with the gun to your head but it was done to see your reaction, the truth behind the last 6 months of your relationship.

They expected you to beg for your life like every other person at their mercy, but you always defied their expectations.

“You’re so quiet my love,” Namjoon says to you. “Nothing you want to say to defend yourself?”

You shake your head, no there was nothing you want to say or explain.

“Then you take your punishment without complaint?”

You nod without hesitation.

Namjoon releases a deep breath, building the nerve to do what they knew would reveal whether your feelings for then were real or a lie you fabricated for your job. But he wasn’t one to easily be vulnerable, especially not after the blow that they faced today.

Jimin can sense it, the words on their leader’s lip, and he decides to take over. Namjoon steps aside as Jimin kneels on the floor in front of you. He takes your hands that are fidgeting on your lap and place them by your side on the seat, resting the weight of his head there instead.

He hugs your lap with so much love you can’t mistake it for an illusion, he rubs his head into you as much as he can.

“Stay with us,” if his actions weren’t a shock to your system enough, his words pushed you over the edge. You look into each of their eyes and the vulnerability you had learned to recognise was there begging you to want to stay.

“But I...” you don’t know what you want to say, the beating of your own heart was overwhelming in your chest. “I- I hurt you all so much.”

Yoongi hums in agreement, stepping forward to stroke your hair back, the hurt was still there they couldn’t lie to you, but losing you would be worse.

“Do you love us?” Jungkook asks taking a seat beside you, Taehyung sits by your other side. Jimin rubs little circles into your thigh while they wait for your answer.

“So much,” you confess. “I couldn’t do it, I- I”

Your words break off in a sob, as Tae takes your hand in his and presses a kiss to the back of it, a weight lifted off his chest. Jungkook pulls you into him, arms wraps around you as you let out your cries and the man in your lap places little kisses on the expanse of your thighs. You feel overwhelmed with the love theyre displaying when you were expecting their hate.

“But I dont understand,” you cry, “why aren’t you all angry, why aren’t you yelling at me?”

“We love you too,” Jin smiles the way he only reserves for you, and you feel thankful for it.

“It doesn’t matter how you got to us dove,” Hobi comes to kneel beside Jimin, wanting to be close to you too. “If it weren’t for your job you wouldn’t have met us.”

“I don’t know about that Hobi,” Namjoon chuckles. “You were meant for us my love, we would have found you one way or another.”

“We forgive you,” Jungkook kisses your hair. “Just don’t leave us.”

“We wouldn’t let you go even if you tried,” Tae voice rumbles in, leaning his face against your neck while the youngest holds you, still latched to your hand.

“You’re ours,” Jimin’s muffled voice comes from your lap, he’s pressed his face into you.

They would never let you go, and you don’t want them to. You thought all they wanted was love, but now you think you’ve reflected your own desire into them, they just wanted you.

[namachuki]

Curious; what are your Fire Spirit and Wind Archer headcannons? (You don't have to answer if you don't want to)

My headcaons for these two oh my god where do I begin? Seriously where do I begin I don't know

Fire spirit cookie headcanons where I ignore canon when it's convenient to me

Family; YALL WANNA KNOW WHY I DONT SHIP HIM WITH SF? CAUSE SHE'S HIS OLDER SISTER. She found him stranded in a nearby valley. She was only older than him by a few years, however the two being very young and new to the world before them. They opted to stick together for the sake of liking eachothers presence. Overtime he gradually met more people as he and SF grew up and distanced themselves, meeting Moonlight who he developed a crush on only to find out that she was interested in his sister. It left him bitter sure, but he didn't really care after a bit as it allowed him to be more free with his options and ability to explore what he did like. There's of course more family headcanons but I will choose to express those later.

Personality; Stubborn as all fuck, is relentless and will not stop till he gets what he wants. Could start and end a war if he cared enough to do anything. Uses his status as a legendary for nothing but immature acts that get him in sticky stations with his image no longer appearing intimidating to the people of the lands. Has a hard time admitting his faults and would legitimately rather die than ever show emotions if he didn't see a reason why. Refuses to admit he gets lonely easily and gets attached to people even easier, and the tightness he feels in his chest only frustrates him more when the people he thought of as friends are more than willing to ignore him. He has a terrible temper and gets angered easily, he switches up that anger as quick as it comes and replaces it witty remarks and back to his cool persona, however it never leaves his mind how easily people can control his emotions. It's embarrassing. He doesn't like feeling powerless, but for someone as emotional as him, keeping up the character he's built can be difficult in front of those who've seen him for what he is.

Wind Archer Cookie headcanons

Family; born into a loving family that consists of a selfless and generous Sugar Swan, and a powerful and mighty Millennial Tree. Destined for greatness and a powerful future, no one could've seen the future where our sweet Swan goes missing and MT goes silent. Archer only being a few years old is left to scavenge at a young age, left to fend for himself and grow with the help of no one but the forest who has cared for him since the beginning. Any other family he may have are just those that he's helped over the years and have shown their gratitude by assisting him with any additional items he may have required. A friend to the forest is a friend he accepts.

Personality; Being raised in an environment that limits your ability to interact with others can really leave a toll on you. He only ever learned to speak thanks to his mother and father but after they both left, he wasn't given the chance to express his emotions, only filled with grief and a bitterness and a very huge sense of confusion if he should feel sad his parents are gone or anger in their ability to not come find him. These emotions only held him down as he opted to swallow them down instead and ignore any new feelings that came to him. Survival is what matters, emotions will only hurt those that experience them, he could not afford to dwell on them as they would leave him vulnerable... Vulnerability is what takes people down... He seems mature and well articulated when people first meet him, his choice of words and his mannerisms seem proper and we'll educated, people swoon at such sophistication. However even good men have breaking points, anger and confusion are not emotions he likes. When he lashes out it is terrifying, his silent gaze is enough to have people shaking, his tense stance and inability to keep his words well articulated are signs he's breaking and push him far enough and he's raising his voice to be left alone. Archer is never the one to raise his voice or use violence when he's upset but push him far enough and he may opt for both. Confusion only leaves him feeling vulnerable and he prefers to leave the situation that prompted that uncertainty. Is it fear? Is he afraid? Is he...

He feels alone...

Why does it hurt to be alone? He's always been alone... So why does it feel different when he's alone but afraid... He wishes he had someone there, someone who left him long ago.

[drivingsideways]

Misaeng review

Ok, it's been almost a week, so I feel like I can get my thoughts (somewhat) in order. As usual, I'm late to the party, given that Misaeng aired 6 years ago, and is already considered a kdrama classic. Still: thoughts!

(under the cut)

I came to this drama with quite a lot of expectations, both because I'd seen it on a lot of rec lists, and also because I'd watched director Kim Won-seok's Signal and My Mister, which are justifiably as beloved as Misaeng. I'm happy to report that Misaeng mostly lived up to those expectations!

The writing & direction work together to make Misaeng a very immersive experience, which is good, considering the entire run time is over 20 hrs. The level of seemingly mundane detail of the operational aspects of running a trading firm that they delve into (and other dramas might have avoided for sake of pacing) seemed odd to me at first, but eventually result in a world building that's incredibly well fleshed out. The (formerly unlikely!) high stakes of a misplaced piece of paper or octopuses in a shipment of squid end up being parts of an emotionally wrenching narrative whole fairly seamlessly. Still, at 20+ hours, Misaeng also does get into the kind of pacing issues that most of the slice of life kdramas I've watched so far have. And it didn't need to! I think it had a wonderful ensemble of characters, and if they'd maybe given a little more time and space to characters other than Jang Geu-Rae (Im Si wan) and Oh Sang-sik (Lee Sung-min), the mid portions may not have felt quite so, well, stuck.

But more than the strong writing and direction, it was really the actors who delivered. They made what could have easily been a dull-ish office drama into a heart warming story about human connection and the joys and troubles of leading an "incomplete life". I'd never watched Lee Sung-min in anything before, and about half way through the series I was like, HOW IS HE MAKING A SHORT TEMPERED, ALCHOHOLIC MIDDLE MANAGER SO SEXY? Like, serious props, dude. Lee Sung-min is by turns annoying and brash and too shout-y and stubborn and funny and so incredibly vulnerable as a man trying his best to live by his principles in a world that thinks they are an impediment to "success", that you forget that he's playing a fictional character-- he's someone you know, he's someone you've seen in the mirror.

His performance as Oh Sang-sik is very ably matched by Im Si Wan's Jang Geu-Rae. This series would not have worked if these two actors didn't have the chemistry they do, and play off each other in every scene. I had watched Im Si Wan recently- in JTBC's "Run On", in which I liked his performance quite a lot, but I absolutely loved him as the naive and endearing Jang Geu-rae. Misaeng, is in part, a bildungsroman narrative centered around Jang Geu Rae. Im Si wan brought a kind of vulnerability to the role that might have felt cloying and emotionally manipulative in the hands of other actors, but Im Si-wan manages to do it with a light touch. I feel he's one of those actors that uses his whole body in a scene, not just relying on facial or verbal expression, and it's a joy to watch.

Each of the other actors in the ensemble also bring that dedication and talent to their roles, even if it's in a single scene. There are lots of one-off characters that we meet during the course of the series, and every single one of them leaves an impact.

But! I'm going to pick a fave from the supporting cast and that's Byun Yo-han, whom I'd last watched as the broody, troubled (and very sexy) swordsman Lee Bang-ji in Six Flying Dragons. I can't imagine a character more in opposition to that one than Han Seok-yul in Misaeng, but Byun Yo-han just knocks it out of the park as the scheming, cheerful and mostly inappropriate clown with a heart of gold; Han Seok-yul is the definition of Chaotic Good, and you're equal parts horrified by his antics- which include sexual harassment dont @ me -- and yet charmed by him. I wish they'd given him a few more scenes and a larger plotline to work with, but I also suspect that he might have just walked away with the entire series if they did that. (Am I plotting that series in my head as I write this? MAYBE.)

Alright, this is getting a bit too long, so I'm going to get to the bits that disappointed me. That's really one major thing: the gender politics. I don't know how different the show is from the web toon it's based on, so I can't tell whether they made significant changes to the basic plot and characters. As in- I have no idea if the webtoon was as male dominated in every way as the show is, so I'm not sure how much of the show's treatment of women as a class, and its female characters in particular, I should lay at the door of the original writer vs the screenwriter and director. I'm also lacking the Korean context in which this was written and made and aired, so you may take my criticism with a pinch of salt, if you please!

That the show features mainly male characters is perhaps unsurprising and realistic, since we know that the kind of corporate life it depicts is very male dominated, top to bottom. The show also portrays the very real and horrific overt and subtle misogyny that women face in the workplace and out of it; mainly in the character of Ahn Young-yi, played with steely determination and quiet suffering by the lovely Kang so-ra. There are only 3 other female characters that have any sort of real speaking role- Sun Ji Young (played by Shin Eun jung), a senior manager at the company, Jang Geu-rae's unnamed(!) mother (played by the amazing Sung Byoung-Sook) and Oh Sang-sik's unnamed (!) wife (played by Oh Yoon-Hong, who's a delight in every tiny scene she has). There are other women who appear but in very minor roles, and often in "comedy" moments that often rely on sexist tropes to start with.

Anyway, right there you can see one of the problems- 4 women characters that have any kind of real screen time, and only 2 of them are named. Aigoo! Screenwriter Jung Yoon-jung is a woman, and like, I don't like putting the burden on any one woman to y'know fix structural misogyny, but I can't also help feeling disappointed that she overlooked even this "small" thing among the larger things.

But that apart, the main issue for me was that while the show doesn't shy away from depicting egregious sexism in the form of sexual harrassment, verbal and physical and certainly emotional abuse, in a manner that's clear that we are meant to be horrified by it--it falls short of depicting how women deal and work with it. It just doesn't give enough space to women or their worldview.

It's very comfortable depicting victimhood, but doesn't put work into depicting the ways in which women survive by finding solidarity with other women. We have a scene or two where Ahn Young-yi who is this show's poster child for female victimhood interacts with the older women who offer sympathy and understanding, but no real strategy or support. And yes, we see men also being targeted by their seniors for the grossest verbal and physical abuse; and it's men who help Ahn Young-yi strategise on how to deal with her situation. Real life experience tells me that it's the women who do this work for other women. I have certainly been on both sides of this equation, for one, and so has every woman that I know in corporate life. And yes, one of the show's core philosophies is that those who endure, survive--but it is none the less extremely painful to watch Ahn Young yi "endure" the kind of abuse she does as a coping strategy and a survival strategy.

At the end of it, when she slowly manages to gain the support of her sexist team, it's shown as a victory-- though naturally imperfect, because this show takes its Realism very seriously (right until the end where it makes a tonal shift into quirky that I was a little ?? about)-- and y'know, sure, it is a victory. And I absolutely understand the choices she makes and why she does it-- I guess I just got annoyed by the fact that other antagonistic figures in the narrative get a more straightforward comeuppance for their egregious behavior, but Ahn Young-yi doesn't even get a goddamned apology from her abusers. Instead, we have a half humourous, half serious moment where she comments on how she's working at turning herself into "someone cute"- because she understands now that sometimes the right strategy is to "go with the flow". Be the water that slowly wears away at the rock. It's an interesting moment- the men she tells this to are taken aback by her bluntness, but also a little clueless about what she means. It's the kind of nuance that I would and do enjoy. Unfortunately, it also closely follows one of the show's most annoying scenes at the tail end of the series- where it tries to play off workplace sexism and misogyny as comedy- boys being boys-Reader, when I tell you that I had to WORK to unclench my jaw--!

I'm not saying we should have a single and obvious narrative of female emancipation. I'm not against realism in fiction, but god, sometimes, please do remember that when we look for escapism, we are actually imagining a better world. The first step toward liberation is allowing yourself to imagine it.

And the show does allow other characters its moments of unfettered fantasy- Im Si Wan parkour-ing all over the rooftops of Amman- and having a semi mystical + Indiana Jones moment in the deserts of Jordan--so why, I ask, are the women not given that gift?

*looks into the camera *

Tl;dr: I enjoyed it, it made me cry every episode, and I cared about all the characters, and if you haven't watched it yet, treat yourselves.

PS. Yes, Han Seok-yul is a disaster bi, sorry, I don't make the rules. Yes, hotties Oh Min Seok and Kang Ha-neul are canonically naked in a hot tub six feet apart because they are bros. Yes, I will be writing the fix it in which they fuck like angry bunnies. Yes, I am going to put my shipper cooties all over this gen slice of life show, deal with it.

[calangkoh]

burh i just. really wish there was more empathy for al here. he said it himself. how can he be sure of anything in his current body? what are memories without the sensations to reaffirm them? they’re just information. but he doesn’t have any sense of touch or smell or taste. and memories require senses both to be triggered and to be formed.

he’s been in that body so long i feel it should be a given that he’d get some deluded ideas about himself. i don’t like how he’s framed as stupid here for believing something that’s a valid insecurity for him to have. nothing could possibly feel real to him anymore. so of course he’s going to question his reality.

this always made me super sad that al doesn’t get sympathy here. that he’s the jerk in this situation. 

i like the little fight scene, but im sad that it reaffirms hughes’ speech about men having to hide their feelings. and winry seems to say at the end “see hughes you were wrong boys can express their feelings” but they didnt really? they fought and then said “yeah we need to fight hard to get our bodies back” which wasn’t anything? there was no talking about how they feel there. 

need me more empathy and acknowledgement of al’s situation, and i need me more emotional vulnerability between the brothers. they dont gotta be strong with each other all the time. theyre all they got. 

[dynamics-of-prejudice]

Fashion Breaking Toxic Masculinity One Runway at a Time.

This past year at the 2020 Oscars, Timothée Chalamet was spotted embracing the more feminine aspects of his style, he was wearing a striking Prada Jumpsuit. He was later quoted saying “You can be whatever you want to be. There isn’t [anything] specific…that you have to take part in to be masculine” this coming from a 24 year old white male, and one can assume he is straight due to his relationship with Lilly Depp although he has never publicly commented on his sexuality. Chalmets choices on the red carpet when it comes to his fashion is a symbol for how the norms that have dominated Hollywood for decades are coming to an end. He is proving through his fashion and his actions that these types of expressions of masculinity are unnecessary for the development of healthy males. As Timothy Beneke states in Proving Manhood when discussing assumptions made that tie the idea of compulsive masculinity and sexism together and show how they go hand and hand with one another “real men are superior to women and superior to men who do not live up to models of masculinity” (270) This assumption would be totally crushed by outfit worn by Chalmet at the 2020 Oscars, and this is why this ensemble is so much more than a pair of overalls.  

In the documentary The Mask You Live In directed by Jennifer Siebel Newsom, William Pollack a well know psychologist states “The way boys are brought up makes them hide all of their natural, vulnerable, and empathetic feeling behind a mask of masculinity”. Young men like Chalamat that can express themselves so freely without the fear of crossing boundaries is a privilege in itself but it also is the source of strength for young people who are struggling with their own identity and how they should express it. This gives them the impression that it is okay to step outside of these gender norms and essentially move away from sexist behavior. As Timothy Beneke stated in Proving Manhood “I find it impossible to imagine compulsive masculinity without sexism”(270) The whole idea of compulsive masculinity is rooted in the idea that the man must achieve things and be able to endure things that the women cannot not. So, by putting yourself in the women’s shoes (pun intended) such as Chalamet, or Tyler the Creator has done does, puts the whole sexist nature on top of its head and breaks this idea that men are supposed to be one way in order to express themselves dissolves and the mask they keep up can come down.

Another Icon when it comes to breaking masculinity norms would be Tyler the Creator, in 2016 during his first ever runway show he describes how he “just wanted to show people, you don’t have to follow any fucking rules, you can literally do whatever you want.” Speaking to how masculinity is a construct that was designed to keep people inside of a box, when speaking about the black community he also mentioned how there is an expectation of being “tough” and that speaks volumes to the privilege white males experience. They are not persuaded one way or the other on either being tough or soft, whereas in the black community males are supposed to be tough and hard and not act soft at all. To have a role model such as Tyler who has come from the same upbringing as most of those born before 2000 for the black community is crucial in breaking down these stereotypes of what it means to be masculine, and who must be masculine, and why it is stigmatized on certain groups and why certain groups are judged based on how masculine they are, and vice versa.

Johnny Depp one if the first actors to ever blur the lines of masculinity and redefined what the male stereotype was. From his role in Edward Scissorhands to Jack Sparrow, Glenn Lantz there is a certain feminine aspect that Depp has achieved in these characters through the years. In a time where Terminator, and Point Break were hitting the scene, Depp was starring as a misunderstood young man that was different, so he was shunned as we have seen throughout history inside the LGBTQ community. Men like Tyler the Creator and Timothée Chalamet are able to express themselves in these ways due to the steps of those who came before such as Depp. Obviously, there are many more who have broken these lines but not too many more well known then Depp. He himself has been quoted saying “Don’t you know all of my characters are gay” in jest, however this is a direct example of how he does not abide by the normal standards of compulsive masculinity.

This freedom of being able to express yourself while working as these above entertainers have, does not cross over to all professions. It is quite the contrary, in most professions there is a dress code that employees must follow and if they do not follow then they will be reprimanded. Thus, being another extension of masculinity that has groomed our society to think that a suite, clean shaved face and a clean haircut is what a successful person looks like. Not only is this putting all male professionalism into a white, straight, middle-class masculine norm, but it is also influencing the females in the workplace as well.

In conclusion, it is amazing to see people like Timothée Chalamet breaking barriers of toxic masculinity, and continuing a legacy started by those like Johnny Depp. Tyler the Creator also being such a influential force inside the black community especially for young black males who understand that being tough is not cool. To see actors like Chalamet getting lead roles in Hollywood is a great indication that as a society we are seeking more depth inside of our male existence and this is exciting. Although this privilege does not extend to the overwhelming majority of the country, it is still a symbol for those who do have to follow a dress code that at least society is accepting of people who have a similar mindset, and believe in similar ideals, that this idea of toxic masculinity is out of fashion as a whole. Emotional and the ability to communicate feelings is the new age stoic, strong and silent type of the past.

Works Cited. 

Beneke, Timothy. Proving Manhood. The Meaning of Difference American Constructions of Race and Ethnicity, Sex and Gender, Social Class, Sexuality and Disability. Seventh Edition. Edited by Karen E. Rosenblum and toni-Michelle C. Travis. McGraw-Hill Education, 2016, pp. 267-270.

Newsom, Jennifer Siebel, director. The Mask We Live In. Jennifer Siebel. 2015. 

Raiss, Liz. Tyler, the Creator Breaks Down How His First Ever Runway Show Came Together. The Fader. https://www.thefader.com/2016/06/15/tyler-the-creator-interview-golf-wang-made-la. Date accessed 5/2/2021

Shorey, Eric. How These Celebrities Are Stylishly Breaking Gender Norms. The Manual. https://www.themanual.com/fashion/celebrity-style-icons-masculinity/ Date accessed: 5/1/2021

Greenwood, Douglas. How Timothée Chalamet is ushering in a new era for masculinity. Vouge. https://www.vogue.com.au/culture/features/how-timothe-chalamet-is-ushering-in-a-new-era-for-masculinity/image-gallery/279f743b36c62f3203306451458111e8. Date accessed: 5/2/2021

 Harris II, Varno. Edward Scissorhands Is a Deep Reflection On Social Norms, Innocence, And Explotation. Odyssey. https://www.theodysseyonline.com/edward-scissorhands-social-norms. Date accessed. 5/2/2021.

 Ben, Barry. What happens When Men Don’t Conform to Masculine Clothing norms at Work? Harvard Business Review. https://hbr.org/2017/08/what-happens-when-men-dont-conform-to-masculine-clothing-norms-at-work. Date accessed: 5/2/2021.

 Hollywood Insider. The Rise of Teen Idols Timothée Chalamet & Harry Styles: Destroying Toxic Masculinity. Youtube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YHS3ssNScQo&t=79s. Date Accessed: 5/1/2021. 

[sweetandsavageautistic]

Who’s ready to lose more braincells thanks to Twitter? (CW: Pedophilia mention)

"I'm Alive Because of YOU!"

The Innocence of an adult with autism and his BFF Lost & Found EMMY ;)

Love You, Love You My Boo Bear  

Mommyand (aka) #SMAARTMom

Meet My son Dustin & My Inspiration for Creating the Autism Welcomed Decal Symbol

Oh, decedents of men she loved/trusted... what a great idea!

To me, there's just something about what the innocence of a child would bring to that kind of a role. Or even a high functioning teen or adult with autism...

#WritingCommunity

Lauren, as a mother of an angel with disabilities, I would like articles about parents and adults with #Autism who share success stories. What makes a positive outcome?

Son went out with his grandad today amazing how are kids adults with #autism behave like angels for there grandparents lol.

As the parent of an adult child with autism I always tell young parents to never underestimate their child Our children CAN They are true angels sent to us by God

I worked as a parapro for three years and have seen people on every part of the spectrum- the way he spoke and carried himself should NOT influence anyone’s decision on their theory of his guilt or innocence. His demeanor is very typical of someone with high-functioning autism.

One thing I know about people with Aspergers is, they dont lie, they are often shy at 1st, but once they know you, they arent the type you ask "does my butt look big in this" coz they'll tell you outright that if does with such innocence & charm.

The innocence of people with autism is truly incomparable, it's their raw emotion that's sets them apart from the rest of the world.

@realDonaldTrump

hope you can meet Ganesh. #helpganeshmeettrump

Brother godbless ur boy.His curiosity is apparent and his calmness is heartwarming to see he realizes this isn’t going to hurt us.Autism holds a special place in my heart for my niece is also Autistic and any child,I see an innocence about them that makes me smile.Good job dad

You’re not alone , we autism moms are in this together and know exactly the heartbreak you are feeling

give it time and a lot of therapy Jenny, things will get better !! Just remember that his innocence is soo pure that he’s an angel here on earth for you

Not just autism but any diagnosis/disability. My saying is "do not look at my child w/ different eyes when u see him do something that's considered out of d norm" & also "don't break away his spirit because he can still see the Innocence in life better than you" -Margarita Rubio

Same here brother. My youngest son is autistic and I cant imagine how anyone..especially a "father" could do something like this My son has random seizures and everyone of them rips my heart out Autistic children have more heart & love than anyone on earth Innocence of autism

The ABC series "Love on the Spectrum" was / is a beautiful uplifting and inspiring work. The wonderful openness, hopefulness and general innocence of the autistic folk is a lesson for everyone. Love for everyone has challenges. I hope people don't use autism to express contempt

I love being around people with Autism. They radiate pure energy and innocence.

My son has autism and he is just beautiful in his innocence, thank you very much!!! He does not have black coal for a heart and not beholden to Satan

When Quamaine helped me with the snow shoveling. He was happy to help. I adore him and his innocence. I hope he knows that. #adultwithautism #autism #adultoconaitismo #autismo #quamaine #autismaunt #snow

Mothers of children with autism know their kids intimately because they cannot leave them with anyone. They protect their kids fiercely, because they are vulnerable due to their innocence

Sarah's effective portrayal of an autistic role clearly depicted the charm, candidness, innocence and frolicsome attitude of people with autism.

Autism. A neurological condition where purity and innocence collide to form an abstract masterpiece.

THE REAL CHAMPIONS IN THIS WORLD ARE CHILDREN LIKE KAYLENE. WITH AUTISM  SPECIAL NEEDS & CHILDREN FIGHTING CANCER SO MUCH MORE LOOK AT HER SMILE SO INNOCENT

The people with autism can understand a lot of things very clearly. Autistic children tend not trust adult humans becoz for them they are constantly in movement which doesn’t allow things to sync with them. BTW they are fantastic human beings with a child like pure heart.

People with autism are the most perfect human beings on the planet to me bc they don’t bother a soul or hurt anybody an is purely innocent 💯‼️❤️

I have a soft spot for people with Autism.  We aren’t worthy of their creativity, intelligence and innocence

I love being around people with Autism. They radiate pure energy and innocence.

Thank you

God bless you too!

I believe people with autism are special gifts and their purity cannt be denied]

I’ve been the happiest in my life being around people with autism. If you don’t have a friend, brother, or neighbor like them you truly haven’t experience the purity in life.

People with down syndrome, autism, etc, arent capable of hate, malice, greed, intolerance, etc. They exhibit all the things that those of us "normal" people try to be but cant. They're not equipped to be evil. They can only show purity.

I dont know, that's my take on it.

By living with people with autism, we are be able to regain the purity

True, but at the same time these aren't necessarily different things: pedophilia, anti-pedophilia & dumb-girl-philia can stem from one & the same mental trait, i.e. the idealization of childlike Innocence; which in turn is arguably a form of autism: other people can't have minds.

#Undateables #TheUndateables I adore this show. The pure honesty love and kindness of these beautiful souls blows me away

. Their innocence and hopeful view of this world is something that could teach many. Appreciate what you have

#autism #specialneeds #learningdisability

Which film? I love the innocence of kids. Every day my kids say it as it is and their attitude keeps me so grounded. We could all learn a lot from autism x

This sickens me 2 the core.Trump started this he is to blame. We are one let us not forget this. We need 2 learn again from our young who see no difference. My son with autism never sees any difference. Such innocence. The world will not change him .He listens to me I accept all

My son who has been diagnosed with #autism loves painting.He is lifting my spirits with his joy 4 his work he has done.Some he started this week & finished. R #Hamilton #Ticat #Football colors. Love the innocence its so grounding 4 me. Blessings 4 all you are doing

Pope john paul the second said children with autism were closer to god than any other. They have a innocence about them.  We should take notice and learn from there how love and live

And now, some tweets from people who think Greta Thunberg is being exploited just because she's so passionate about stopping climate change:

If This Little Girl GRETA really has AUTISM How Terrible Easy For Adults To Manipulat Her IT IS A PARENTS JOB TO PROTECT THE INNOCENCE OF OUR CHILDREN IM SO ASHAMED AND SO SHOULD THE CLIMATE CHANGE COMMUNITY GOD FORGIVE HER PARENTS. THEY KNOW NOT WHAT THE DO

Democrats like John Kerry are using an innocent little girl with autism to feign innocence while the Democrats just voted to spend 738 billion dollars on environmental destruction. How ridiculous.

That's a good argument? Because it's what SHE *wants* to do? She is a child who does not yet fully grasp the perils of public life or climatology. She's also a child diagnosed on the autism spectrum. She deserves privacy and protection of her innocence. It will end poorly.

I've started to suspect she was selected for this job because of her autism. She can play innocence whenever someone publicly calls her out for the childish nonsense that comes out of her.

Greta is a 16-yr-old kid with autism who is being used by her parents & the crazy adults around her as a political pawn. She's not a savior. She's a kid who is having her innocence and anonymity stripped from her by a**holes pushing their stupid climate change crap.

I think she is being used. The fact that she has an Autism Spectrum Condition should be respected. She is very articulate and very focused partly because she is Greta and partly because she is autistic, but she also has the innocence of a teenager and someone with an ASD.

[crunchyspicysalmon]

heres my drunk review of LOVE + FEAR

Handmade Heaven: so when I first heard this song I was already in love like wow.... the song just gives me chills in general and is a very cute song. this song was beautifully produced - ive just overplayed it for myself which is unfortunate for me

Superstar: TBH not sure about this song at first, BUT I ended up eventually loving it a lot actually omg. very good song for radio, technically a great pop song. 

Orange Trees: Same as superstar, ended up loving it, but also not my favourite yk?? good to listen to on a nice day while on the streetcar or a train

Baby: fun song tbh!! also not my favourite, but the video was cute. I know this one was an obvious collab. liked that bit of gay/bi rep in the video. also I do like marinas solo version on the LP a little better

Enjoy Your Life: this one is a fun cute song, but also one I think we can all relate to. I actually got chills listening to this song bc of how damn relatable it was and how we all need to think about how were human and make mistakes and thats okay!!! just live your life right??

True: this song just reminds me of Taurus’s now lksdhfklhkhs but like it’s accurate right??

To Be Human: on a serious note, this song I feel is like.... just a lyrical masterpiece like its stuff that needs to be said, and like on a global scale. this song has an energy that everyone can relate to its a very 2019 song

End of the Earth: fucking underrated as hell!! like this song almost brings me to TEARS like I cannot express how much this song means to me like wow!!!! My hair raises when I listen to this song every time without fail and its just so underrated and doesnt deserve it!!! one of the best on the LOVE side imo. im cryin rn listening to it (legit not joking)

Believe in Love: this is one of those songs that I wasn't sure about at first, but actually ended up absolutely loving. this one became one of my faves on FEAR and it also almost brings me to tears. I have a lot of issues with love things and letting people in which may be why I feel emotionally connected to this song lskhdflkhskfl plus good harmonies also get me

Life is Strange: so like this song I kind of.... forgets it exists until it comes on either on the album or shuffle. like this is true, life is truly strange but this also isn't my fave. however I do like how its composed.

You: okay this song goes fucking HARD!!! at first I didnt even think I like it but like I really do like it a lot. i feel I perceive this in a celeb culture kind of way and its true, you dont rly know the person you stan, and sometimes even people you think you know yk?? also just the beat of this song goes hard too in general

Karma: hell YEAH!!! this song SLAPS!! its about women and what they have to deal with in the industry nd how it will no longer be tolerated and I fucking STAN BITCH!! shocked this wasn't a single... but like yo this song deserves hella praise!! its also fun to sing

Emotional Machine: the chorus fucking gets me, yall know harmonies fucking GET ME like wow!!! otherwise this song is aight yk? but still good. something actually young girls need to hear, their emotions are normal and make them strong!!!

Too Afraid: god..... at first I was like... this is chill, but I went through a depressive phase + listened to the lyrics and H E A V I L Y related like damn... this song started to really give me chills like every lyric in this song I relate to and it really kind of captures that feeling of isolation and being trapped in a lifestyle you dont want to live which is EXACTLY how I feel. also the chorus is fun to sing

No More Suckers: this one is just really fun tbh. its also a good message yk, like leave those leeches in the past who needs them!! dont let people take advantage of you!! 

Soft to be Strong: I dont know where the fuck to start on this song. this needs to be heard by everyone, especially men. like this is a universally relatable song, and something we arent told like at all really. being vulnerable takes fucking guts and its important to be able to show that sometimes. its better to be kind in the end, as cruel people have a lot of insecurities of their own. it’s easy in todays society to talk shit, we all do it all the time. but we've lost our sense of empathy in a way, and I dont know how to explain this since im drunk, but like as a psych major and empath this hits me in a certain way. another one of those songs that just gives me goosebumps

OVERALL:

okay tbh this is probably the best album Marina has released like EVER in terms of lyrics and technical production. her lyrics mean something, they aren’t just empty gestures and you can tell. she has so much wisdom and awareness of what is going on, and it shows in her lyrics. she has done a lot of collabs on this one, yet is still able to have her style shine through, even when you can tell it is a collab. im super proud of Marina, and actually happy she waited 4 years to release this. I think in terms of a number scale, I’d rate it a solid 9/10 - esp since I haven't been able to stop listening to this album since LOVE came out in early April. I HIGHLY recommend taking a listen and digesting the lyrics bc she has a lot to say and we should be listening!!

[andremarcusburky]

Wish for a peaceful night [3] - N.P.

A/N: heyo part 4 (WHICH IS THE FINAL) is up in a week from now! i hope you’ll like this 

masterlist

part 1 [2] [4]

shoutout again to @psychospeak-blog for proofreading and aiding me whenever i doubt myself

“hey, i’m sorry about what i said. can we meet and talk it out?”  When you first read it you thought it was Tom, but the name above the message started with ‘N’. You didn’t want to see him, not now. Not when you knew he was right, when Tom was starting to prove it. The feeling in your chest was one quite unfamiliar to you, it sickened you. You felt fragile, weak. Vulnerable, even. If you met Nolan you just might end up trying to kiss him at this point. You didn’t answer.

The day was spent trying to occupy yourself. You did all your errands, filled your entire fridge and managed to call all your friends and family back home. All you wanted was to go away for a while, go home. You needed a break from Philadelphia, from the people and the drama. A break from your current life. But that was still a few more days away, so you went to sleep early, and woke up to yet another text.

“Can we meet today? We have to talk” Tom was always short with texts. Sometimes he even used punctuation, but you’d just gotten used to it. However, that meant his texts were impossible to read emotion from. He was right though, you did have to talk. If it meant ending it all, or giving it another go, you didn’t know. All you knew at this point is confusion, but maybe that’s all you have to tell him.

“Coffeeshop on 4th?”  He answered pretty quickly and you made plans for two hours lately, the two longest hours of your life perhaps. You arrived five minutes early, ordering your coffee along with his usual and then sitting down. Two minutes later Tom walked through the door, a hood over his head. He walked up to you slowly with hands in his pockets, you could see a faint smile on his face as he took a seat. It wasn’t a very happy smile, but a friendly one nonetheless.

You sat in silence for a minute. It wasn’t awkward, but then again it wasn’t pleasant. “I know you didn’t cheat” he finally broke the silence. You looked up and met his sorry eyes, nodding your head ever so slightly to confirm. “I know you wouldn’t, and I’m sorry” you didn’t think it would be this easy to solve your issues. While one part of you kind of liked the familiarity of your boyfriend, another part hoped for an easy break-up. It would probably be most fair to just tell him something along the lines of that. But how do you do that, without breaking his heart along the way?

“I shouldn’t have reacted the way I did, but I do still think I have the right to be concerned” he spoke as he fiddled with a napkin. “Thanks for the coffee, by the way” he smiled, amused by his own statement. You laughed at his half-hearted attempt at lightening the mood. “I have to be honest, Tom” you said, coughing lightly before continuing. “You deserve that, even if it means you’ll hate me”

“I know you like him” he interrupted you. Your eyes widened in surprise, his expression was the exact same though. He looked a little amused, still. “You’ve always liked him, and he’s always liked you. Everyone knows that, me too” your boyfriend took a sip from his coffee. He looked carefree as he spoke, even though the subject was his own girlfriends crush.

“I guess a part of me thought I could change that, but I can’t. I’m right though, aren’t I?” he asked. You felt yourself nodding along ever so slightly, still so careful to hurt him.

“Listen, Tom” you tried to explain yourself, maybe ease the pain. But he beat you to it again. “No, it’s okay. I know you didn’t mean for me to get caught up in all this, you’re not someone who’ll willingly hurt people” he looked into your eyes and the smile he gave you was genuine. “But it’s not fair to either one of us if we keep going like this”

After that you hugged each other goodbye, happy things didn’t end in a big tussle. And just like that, it was over.

You sat in your car for twenty minutes without moving an inch, just thinking about these last couple of days. Everything had been fine, until that night with Nolan. Sure, you and Tom would’ve broken up eventually, but things were still fine before that. Maybe it really was for the best though. You couldn’t see a future with Tom, you never pictured the two of you walking down the aisle or having children. Staying together would’ve been wasting time for the both of you.

When you finally came home you allowed yourself the luxury of a long shower, before trying to get some studying done. It was surprisingly easy to focus, considering everything else in your life. But maybe everything else being too much to think about made the studying a little easier on your brain. It wasn’t until four hours later that you decided you were done for the day. You picked up your phone to scroll through some social media, but something else caught your sight.

“i know you’re angry and you have the right to be, just please let me apologize” “ill get you chocolate and ice cream for a year” If he only knew how hard this was for you. These are the things that make it so easy to fall for Nolan, but he would never be yours. That had been clear for years. In the past you’d had to deal with him having a girlfriend, trying to get over him while watching him with someone else. You weren’t going to put yourself in a position like that again.

“I need some space, trying to figure shit out. we’re good though, dont worry” You quickly sent the text and turned off your phone, not wanting to see the response. A few hours later you turned it on to set the alarm for the next morning, only to have your heart expand about ten sizes. “take your time, i love you babe”

“I repeat, United Airlines flight 2408 has been cancelled”. Timing could not be any worse. You’d been sitting at the airport for four hours, hoping your delayed flight would be boarded soon. But no, you did not have that kind of luck. You could cry, honestly. It was the 23rd, two days ‘til christmas. And you were stuck in Philly, with no family by your side. To say that the holidays were going to suck this year was a wild understatement.

People were lining up to yell at whoever was unfortunate to be working at this hour, as if they could snap their fingers and make the snowstorm disappear. You sat in your seat for probably half an hour, just wondering what the hell you were going to do now. Your thoughts were interrupted however, as a familiar face was shown on the TV in the sportsbar in front of you. It was third period, three minutes to go. The Avs 4-3 lead was gone, thanks to Nols. It was through the legs, like highlight reel for years to come. The no-goal streak was gone, as well. But you still couldn’t quite bring yourself to feel joyful. The feeling was more… empty. Like you couldn’t actually feel. You weren’t sad, it felt more hopeless. Nothing in your life seemed to be going your way. You felt yourself stand up, your feet moving forward towards the bar. A beer or two won’t hurt anyone, you figured.

An hour later Claude had scored in overtime and the game was long over, you were still sat at the bar though. Time was now spent counting how many men would give you attention, the woman drinking alone, and so far it was five. Three of them had gotten angry when told you weren’t interested.

You hadn’t had more than two beers though, getting drunk on your own seemed a little too sad. Your thoughts were interrupted though as your phone lit up, the name “Nolan” was displayed. Something inside was telling you to let it ring until it fell silent, but something else was screaming at you to let him in already. And you can’t hear someone talking while someone else is screaming.

“Hey, congratz” you said softly once you’d answered.

“You need someone to pick you up from the airport?” he sounded more concerned than happy, surprisingly. You’d think he’d be over the moon, that was probably the best goal of his career.

“Can you?” you asked, feeling a little guilt build up. You had been pushing him away, yet he still came to help even in the slightest of needs. “I’m already on my way”.

It had been years since you were this nervous to see him. He was your best friend, after all. The one you could count on in thick and thin, and here you were planning out conversations in your head, making sure you don’t fuck up. You’d agreed to meet in the parking garage, figuring that’d be an easier spot to easily get in and out of instead of standing in line with everyone else at the regular pickup spot. His car drove up by you slowly and he got out immediately, wrapping you in his arms.

“I’m still sorry”, he said quietly. For a few seconds you were too caught up in his scent to comprehend what he was hinting at, but then your one or two brain cells managed to put the pieces together.

“Nolan, I forgave you for that. It’s alright” you said. He let you go, much to your dismay. “I still shouldn’t have said it. If you want to be with Tom then I should be supportive of your decision” he didn’t look you in the eyes, but you still knew he meant what he said.

“About that… you were right”. He looked at you confused. “You were right about Tom, about me and Tom, or maybe everything” you confessed. His facial expression turned more into clarity, then surprise. “What are you saying?” he asked.

You scratched your neck and picked up your bag, moving towards the trunk of Nolans car. “We broke up” you stated, now looking back at him. Nolan took the bag from your hands while you opened the trunk, and then tossed it in.

“I’m sorry” he said, eyes once again not meeting yours. You could tell he wanted to smile, but he didn’t. You both got into the car, and he looked over at you again.

“You should be doing whatever makes you happy” he was almost whispering as he spoke. “If that means not giving a shit about my opinion or anyone else’s, so be it. Just do what makes you happy” he said. You smiled at him and leaned in to peck his cheek, knowing maybe you shouldn’t. But you really couldn’t help yourself.

Nolan started the car and drove off, but soon enough you were stuck in traffic with everyone else trying to escape the airport.

“So… christmas with the boys then, eh?” he gave you a crooked grin and looked over at you. You gave him a surprised look back, so far you hadn’t even began to think about how the upcoming days would be spent. But spending them with Nolan seemed much better than with anyone else in Philly. You weren’t even sure if you had any other choice, it was probably Nolan or all alone, on christmas.

“I’m invited?” you asked, smiling back at him.

“Of course you are, think I’d leave you all alone?” he answered.

Christmas music was playing on the radio, another song about how someone was going to be home for christmas. Nolan started singing along, clearly trying to make you feel better.

“I know Philly isn’t really home, but it could be. We could make it home” he murmured. It probably wasn’t intended to sound like it did, because he didn’t seem to think it was a weird thing to say. Yet, in your ears it sounded quite magical.

“Thanks, Nols” you said, leaning into his arm.

You usually hated lines, traffic and anything that made you have to wait. But you could’ve been in that car forever, as long as you were with him. You weren’t even really talking a lot, most of the time you just listened to the music. The stars were bright and trees were spread out on the sides of the road, it was romantic as hell.

Before you even realized it, it was 1AM. You felt yourself dozing off and the next time your eyes opened it was when someone opened your door beside you. You quickly turned and squinted at the figure outside of the car.

“Oh, you’re awake” Nolan said. “I was thinking about carrying sleeping beauty inside but this is easier I guess” he joked and went back to get your bag. When you looked around at your surroundings you realized you were in Nolan’s garage. “So, it’s almost 2AM and tomorrow is christmas eve, or today is actually” he started explaining when he noticed your confused expression. “And we’re spending christmas together, so I figured you could stay here. I mean if you want I can take you home, but I didn’t want to wake you, so…”

“No, no. It’s alright. It’ll be fun!” You interrupted him, walking towards the elevator. “It’s not like we haven’t slept in the same bed before”

“And who doesn’t like cuddling on christmas?” Nolan joked, grinning to himself. You tried your best not to blush, but failed.

He wasn’t holding you when you woke the next morning, actually he wasn’t even in bed. A sweet smell filled your nostrils however, meaning you were in for a great breakfast. You had borrowed a shirt from him again, but slept in your panties this time. They were hipsters, so you figured they probably covered more than all your bikinis even. Nolan hadn’t seemed to be thinking the same though. The second you walked into the room in his shirt and just panties you could tell he didn’t know where to look, what to focus on. When you’d gotten in bed he’d immediately swept you in his arms, though. And the feeling was still there, two puzzle pieces fitting perfectly. You remember him whispering “Merry christmas eve” in your ear before you’d both dozed off into deep slumber.

You stretched out with a groan and sat up, swinging your legs off the side of the bed. The air was chilly, so you took a quick look around the room and saw a hoodie laying on a chair. It fit you like a dress, so you figured you could go without pants for now.

When you entered the kitchen Nolan was piling waffles onto a plate and placed it on the island. When he turned, all motions stopped, his eyes glued to you. “What? Nolan is everything alright?” you asked. He looked shocked, but with those rosy cheeks again.

He shook his head suddenly and turned to the waffle iron, pouring more batter in there. “Yeah, yeah. Sorry” he spoke, back turned to you. “I’m just tired, I guess”

You went around the kitchen island and sat down, facing him. He was still blushing, but glanced up at you now with a slight smile. His eyes landed on the number ‘19’ on your chest, next to the flyers logo.

“So, you in the mood for christmas music?” you asked, turning on the speaker. “Of course” Nolan answered. He pushed a plate towards you while you tried to get the bluetooth working. Soon enough, WHAM was heard throughout the complex. You looked at the waffles in front of you and smiled, but you didn’t touch them.

“Something wrong?” he asked, motioning towards the food. “No, I just think we should eat together, I can wait” you answered.

“It’s gonna get cold” he explained, laughing slightly. “I can eat cold waffles”

Nolan kept looking over at you throughout breakfast, sneaking glances and smiling all the time. He didn’t say anything, but it made you feel all giddy inside. You kept stealing strawberries from his plate, while he took blueberries from yours in return.

“So I was thinking maybe we could go by my place so I can get some things?” you said as you were putting the dishes away. You really just wanted to pick up the gift you got for him a while back.

“Yeah, sure” he answered. “Or actually can I drop you off? I have to go pick something up at the rink but I’ll be back right after”

You nodded and went to get changed. Your luggage was packed with everything you’d need for a whole two weeks forward, so it was more than enough for a few days. Nolan entered the bedroom when you were sat on the floor in front of his mirror, doing your makeup. He took a quick look at you before grabbing some clothes of his own. You watched him in the mirror as he took his shirt off, his back muscles looked better than you could ever imagine. You didn’t even realize as he turned that he might see you looking, until your eyes met in the mirror. He was grinning and you could see your cheeks turning red, but he didn’t mention it. Instead he passed you by and went into the bathroom, when he came out he was wearing jeans and a hoodie.

“What’s that?” he asked, sitting down next to you. Nolan was pointing at the beautyblender in your hand. “It’s a make-up sponge” you answered. He looked confused as you applied powder with it. “You use it to apply make-up, like foundation, setting powder and that stuff” you explained. He nodded along, but you guessed he still didn’t really get it.

He sat there watching you for the entire time, every now and then asking questions or commenting when he thought something was pretty.

“Are you using eye-shadows?” he asked, a slight grin on his face. “I don’t know, why?” you asked, a little confused.

“If you do, can I pick one out?” he asked, earning a laugh from you. You took out a palette and opened it for him. He took a few seconds to look at them all, then at you, and then back at them. Then he pointed to one. “That one, it matches your eyes” he said.

You could feel your heart melt at the look in his eyes, he seemed so happy to get to help you. You smiled at him and applied the shade carefully in the crease, leaving it like that.

[gulabiprincess]

How can I overcome the guilt of being a bad communicator when im angry? I’ve been told I come off passive aggressive. im just in my head a lot and thinking of a respectful way to react. Other people view it as childish for not communicating my feelings instantly. Its hard for me to know what im feeling and why and i just feel like thats for me to figure out BEFORE I bring an issue to someone. For context i met this guy and I feel like we both moved too fast out of lust. He was going through alot (idk why i always attract ppl at this stage in their life) He lost a family member, and just got out of a relationship. He said the relationship was dead long before it was over but he was still working through things within himself because of it. He said he still felt emotionally available, but i’m realizing now when he still had a lot to work on he was removing the romance aspect of that.. which i didnt understand at the time and asked twice because I felt confused. So I let him know I dont want anything casual/FWB, and he said he didnt either. We’d hang out and he’d be like “we’re on a date” and it felt manipulative once I really started to think about it. Why use that language if we arent actually building on something? After we were intimate with eachother he said “i wouldnt fall in love with me right now. I just dont have the capacity to receive/give love romantically how i normally would” i didnt say anything then because he was being honest and vulnerable but it hurt. I felt manipulated. Probably manipulated myself into thinking something good could come from this. I dont have many experiences with good/honest men. Even though that is the bare minimum.. I wanted to hold on because i felt like i deserved to be loved, but also recognized he cant.. and i just feel like he had just as much responsibility to leave me alone knowing that. I’m also holding myself accountable because so did I. I left something at his house and went to go get it. I was so passive aggressive, told him nothing was wrong, tried to walk away from him after getting my stuff. I thought it would be best to just ghost him. I already caught feelings and it’d hurt too much if he chose to gaslight me to my face. I didnt want to break down in front of him. He called me once i got to my car and cursed at me.. i was so triggered i brought everything i was feeling to his attention in an accusatory way and i feel so much guilt because i feel like maybe if i wasnt so emotional about the situation he would’ve heard me out. I just felt like he could’ve been more sensitive and understanding to how i reacted especially because I previously explained i’ve been through emotionally/sexual abuse. He called me selfish, told me we’re done and its all my fault, and didn’t even acknowledge my explanation for reacting that way. I apologized a few days later once I cooled off but he ignored it, told me if i had more grace he’d have more empathy..and blocked me. Then he went on twitter ranting about “weird women” and it hurt. He knew i would see it. I dont think i’d ever rekindle anything with him. Im not sure if i dodged a bullet or let my anxiety get the best of me. I’m dealing with a lot of guilt for how it ended even though i tried to rectify things, and I think we both could’ve handled eachother better or maybe i am selfish..? Regardless how can I move on from the guilt of how it ended and him in general? Should I block him back?

Omfg I am sooooo sorry I didn’t even realize this was my inbox. Idk how long ago u sent me this I didn’t get a notification or anything smh stupid site

But anyways…

First of all thank you for sharing and venting to me. It’s always better to get things off your chest one way or another so I commend you for that

Next I wanna say all your feelings are perfectly valid and you have no reason to feel guilt whatsoever. We all have our ways of expressing negative emotions and it was completely wrong for that guy to gaslight you like that. He lied to you about being emotionally available bc based on what u said it seems clear he was nowhere close to ready to get back in the relationship department. He played you hun. And you don’t deserve to be lied to and guilt tripped like that

It was wrong of him to curse at you and block you. Also posting about it on Twitter??? That’s so immature and disrespectful to you. I honestly think u dodged a bullet there and deserve sm better! So sorry u had to go through all that bs. I hope a much better person comes along for u in due time. Til then take care, safeguard ur feelings, and focus on yourself. Don’t pay any mind to trashy men like that. They’re not worth the time or energy. I’m always here for u if u need to vent again. Keep me updated on how ur feeling ❤️

[sweetemilybowl]

How can I overcome the guilt of being a bad communicator when im angry? I’ve been told I come off passive aggressive. im just in my head a lot and thinking of a respectful way to react. Other people view it as childish for not communicating my feelings instantly. Its hard for me to know what im feeling and why and i just feel like thats for me to figure out BEFORE I bring an issue to someone. For context i met this guy and I feel like we both moved too fast out of lust. He was going through alot (idk why i always attract ppl at this stage in their life) He lost a family member, and just got out of a relationship. He said the relationship was dead long before it was over but he was still working through things within himself because of it. He said he still felt emotionally available, but i’m realizing now when he still had a lot to work on he was removing the romance aspect of that.. which i didnt understand at the time and asked twice because I felt confused. So I let him know I dont want anything casual/FWB, and he said he didnt either. We’d hang out and he’d be like “we’re on a date” and it felt manipulative once I really started to think about it. Why use that language if we arent actually building on something? After we were intimate with eachother he said “i wouldnt fall in love with me right now. I just dont have the capacity to receive/give love romantically how i normally would” i didnt say anything then because he was being honest and vulnerable but it hurt. I felt manipulated. Probably manipulated myself into thinking something good could come from this. I dont have many experiences with good/honest men. Even though that is the bare minimum.. I wanted to hold on because i felt like i deserved to be loved, but also recognized he cant.. and i just feel like he had just as much responsibility to leave me alone knowing that. I’m also holding myself accountable because so did I. I left something at his house and went to go get it. I was so passive aggressive, told him nothing was wrong, tried to walk away from him after getting my stuff. I thought it would be best to just ghost him. I already caught feelings and it’d hurt too much if he chose to gaslight me to my face. I didnt want to break down in front of him. He called me once i got to my car and cursed at me.. i was so triggered i brought everything i was feeling to his attention in an accusatory way and i feel so much guilt because i feel like maybe if i wasnt so emotional about the situation he would’ve heard me out. I just felt like he could’ve been more sensitive and understanding to how i reacted especially because I previously explained i’ve been through emotionally/sexual abuse. He called me selfish, told me we’re done and its all my fault, and didn’t even acknowledge my explanation for reacting that way. I apologized a few days later once I cooled off but he ignored it, told me if i had more grace he’d have more empathy..and blocked me. Then he went on twitter ranting about “weird women” and it hurt. He knew i would see it. I dont think i’d ever rekindle anything with him. Im not sure if i dodged a bullet or let my anxiety get the best of me. I’m dealing with a lot of guilt for how it ended even though i tried to rectify things, and I think we both could’ve handled eachother better or maybe i am selfish..? Regardless how can I move on from the guilt of how it ended and him in general? Should I block him back?

He sounds like a dick and not worth your time. You should not feel guilty for expressing your feelings and concerns.

[yourmoonmomma]

How can I overcome the guilt of being a bad communicator when im angry? I’ve been told I come off passive aggressive. im just in my head a lot and thinking of a respectful way to react. Other people view it as childish for not communicating my feelings instantly. Its hard for me to know what im feeling and why and i just feel like thats for me to figure out BEFORE I bring an issue to someone. For context i met this guy and I feel like we both moved too fast out of lust. He was going through alot (idk why i always attract ppl at this stage in their life) He lost a family member, and just got out of a relationship. He said the relationship was dead long before it was over but he was still working through things within himself because of it. He said he still felt emotionally available, but i’m realizing now when he still had a lot to work on he was removing the romance aspect of that.. which i didnt understand at the time and asked twice because I felt confused. So I let him know I dont want anything casual/FWB, and he said he didnt either. We’d hang out and he’d be like “we’re on a date” and it felt manipulative once I really started to think about it. Why use that language if we arent actually building on something? After we were intimate with eachother he said “i wouldnt fall in love with me right now. I just dont have the capacity to receive/give love romantically how i normally would” i didnt say anything then because he was being honest and vulnerable but it hurt. I felt manipulated. Probably manipulated myself into thinking something good could come from this. I dont have many experiences with good/honest men. Even though that is the bare minimum.. I wanted to hold on because i felt like i deserved to be loved, but also recognized he cant.. and i just feel like he had just as much responsibility to leave me alone knowing that. I’m also holding myself accountable because so did I. I left something at his house and went to go get it. I was so passive aggressive, told him nothing was wrong, tried to walk away from him after getting my stuff. I thought it would be best to just ghost him. I already caught feelings and it’d hurt too much if he chose to gaslight me to my face. I didnt want to break down in front of him. He called me once i got to my car and cursed at me.. i was so triggered i brought everything i was feeling to his attention in an accusatory way and i feel so much guilt because i feel like maybe if i wasnt so emotional about the situation he would’ve heard me out. I just felt like he could’ve been more sensitive and understanding to how i reacted especially because I previously explained i’ve been through emotionally/sexual abuse. He called me selfish, told me we’re done and its all my fault, and didn’t even acknowledge my explanation for reacting that way. I apologized a few days later once I cooled off but he ignored it, told me if i had more grace he’d have more empathy..and blocked me. Then he went on twitter ranting about “weird women” and it hurt. He knew i would see it. I dont think i’d ever rekindle anything with him. Im not sure if i dodged a bullet or let my anxiety get the best of me. I’m dealing with a lot of guilt for how it ended even though i tried to rectify things, and I think we both could’ve handled eachother better or maybe i am selfish..? Regardless how can I move on from the guilt of how it ended and him in general? Should I block him back

Firstly, ive learnt there's a lot of power in "i care about you, so I need to step away from this situation. I don't want to speak out of anger, so I'm taking 30 mins to figure out what's going on for me so we can talk about this properly." That's what I try to say when I'm angry! Then I step out or go for a drive or have a shower. It calms me down, and gives me the space to figure out what's happening for me and how to express my anger properly, as well as letting the other person know I'm not giving them the cold shoulder or something!

Secondly, it sounds like he needs therapy, as do you. You both had a lot going on, and clearly still do have a lot going on! Therapy can help you work through these feelings and learn how to navigate these situations, as well as teach you what you truly deserve in romantic or sexual partners.

Thirdly, focus on yourself. Block him back if it makes you feel better, sure! But try to work through the feelings of fixing the situation. That wont actually fix it. You cant redo what was done or said, and it's very clear that you two weren't compatible and wanted different things!! Focus on yourself, and healing yourself 💗

[iamabuddha]

How can I overcome the guilt of being a bad communicator when im angry? I’ve been told I come off passive aggressive. im just in my head a lot and thinking of a respectful way to react. Other people view it as childish for not communicating my feelings instantly. Its hard for me to know what im feeling and why and i just feel like thats for me to figure out BEFORE I bring an issue to someone. For context i met this guy and I feel like we both moved too fast out of lust. He was going through alot (idk why i always attract ppl at this stage in their life) He lost a family member, and just got out of a relationship. He said the relationship was dead long before it was over but he was still working through things within himself because of it. He said he still felt emotionally available, but i’m realizing now when he still had a lot to work on he was removing the romance aspect of that.. which i didnt understand at the time and asked twice because I felt confused. So I let him know I dont want anything casual/FWB, and he said he didnt either. We’d hang out and he’d be like “we’re on a date” and it felt manipulative once I really started to think about it. Why use that language if we arent actually building on something? After we were intimate with eachother he said “i wouldnt fall in love with me right now. I just dont have the capacity to receive/give love romantically how i normally would” i didnt say anything then because he was being honest and vulnerable but it hurt. I felt manipulated. Probably manipulated myself into thinking something good could come from this. I dont have many experiences with good/honest men. Even though that is the bare minimum.. I wanted to hold on because i felt like i deserved to be loved, but also recognized he cant.. and i just feel like he had just as much responsibility to leave me alone knowing that. I’m also holding myself accountable because so did I. I left something at his house and went to go get it. I was so passive aggressive, told him nothing was wrong, tried to walk away from him after getting my stuff. I thought it would be best to just ghost him. I already caught feelings and it’d hurt too much if he chose to gaslight me to my face. I didnt want to break down in front of him. He called me once i got to my car and cursed at me.. i was so triggered i brought everything i was feeling to his attention in an accusatory way and i feel so much guilt because i feel like maybe if i wasnt so emotional about the situation he would’ve heard me out. I just felt like he could’ve been more sensitive and understanding to how i reacted especially because I previously explained i’ve been through emotionally/sexual abuse. He called me selfish, told me we’re done and its all my fault, and didn’t even acknowledge my explanation for reacting that way. I apologized a few days later once I cooled off but he ignored it, told me if i had more grace he’d have more empathy..and blocked me. Then he went on twitter ranting about “weird women” and it hurt. He knew i would see it. I dont think i’d ever rekindle anything with him. Im not sure if i dodged a bullet or let my anxiety get the best of me. I’m dealing with a lot of guilt for how it ended even though i tried to rectify things, and I think we both could’ve handled eachother better or maybe i am selfish..? Regardless how can I move on from the guilt of how it ended and him in general? Should I block him back?

First, you aren't selfish AT ALL. I can't see anything selfish about what you've done.

If you're bad at communicating when you're angry, then don't communicate when you're angry. Sit back, sit with your anger, observe it, understand it, understand why it has arisen, and practice communicating your feelings, then communicate them - it's not your problem that people think you should express your feelings instantly, you shouldn't.

You're saying that this guy "lost a family member", "just got out of a relationship", and both of you were moving too fast "out of lust", it is clear that he was emotionally unavailable and that getting into a relationship with you and moving out of lust was just to fill the void he felt after grieving and the breakup he went through. I see no sign for true love in this situation, but it isn't your fault.

You made what you wanted from the relationship clear with him, but he still continued although it's clear he wasn't there for anything serious. Don't feel guilty because YOU ARE NOT. Men do this all the time, don't let him manipulate your feelings. You had all the right to feel and express your anger. He was at fault, not you. You deserve better people who can truly love you.

It's up to you if you want to block him or not; it really depends on how it affects you and the situation. Do let him go though. Move to another chapter now that this relationship has ended.

Sit with yourself and with your feelings, understand that you aren't guilty, set an intention to deal better with anger, drink some herbal tea to relax your body, pamper yourself to a nice bath that washes away all the stuck up energies from this relationship, let it go completely. You deserve better. You deserve true love. Once you realize this you'll say no to people like him, and you'll let them go cheerfully, and you'll attract people that are capable of giving you the love you deserve.

[newhologram]

Well, someone discovered the keywords "toxic masculinity" and suddenly EVERYTHING is "toxic masculinity". Like doing mechanics work? Thats toxic masculinity. Like having brews with the lads and being a little loud? Toxic masculinity. Etc etc etc. When -everything- stereotypically "manly" is considered bad, i have no problems understanding why men kill themselves. Hell, i've considered it myself. I dont know about other men, but i myself dont really like being very expressive about emotions.

Hell, often i'm not even very emotional at all? But all the extremist stuff against oldtimey "manlyness" stuff is hurtful, when like... Rowdy heavyduty stuff is what you've grown up with, and actually like, and then theres a lot of "progressive" people saying its wrong, it makes me not want to be around that kind of people.

But then again, i'm in norway, masculinity here is not what it is in america! The machoculture was never the same here as over there, so might be that the "sides" of the argument over there will both be seen as extreme over here.

So, there’s a necessary distinction here that I’m going to try to clarify: There are bad voices in virtually every community who are not yet capable of nuanced thinking (everything is black or white), so everything is taken from “thing is bad” to an unhealthy, unrealistic, and troublesome extreme of “all things like this thing are bad”. Masculinity is not inherently toxic. Masculinity is just an energetic expression, just like femininity. We all have our own unique expression of these energies in us. I mean, I’m a small sparkle fairy type but think about all my fav shows: mostly big fucking burly dudes beating the shit out of each other for 50 episodes straight. I love warrior races, I love fight scenes, I live for that stuff. But people with this naive black and white view of things will absolutely grab it and jump to, “all masculinity is toxic.”

Just like how other topics such as “queercoding villains is bad” go to the extreme of “any villain being even the slightest bit gay is homophobic and therefore villains should only be straight, if a villain is queer they are obviously being written by a cishet who thinks gay people are literally evil”, which is hilariously untrue and does not fix anything. It actually creates more problems when it turns actual queer people who love villains and identify strongly with the challenges they may face in their particular story into place-holder piñatas for so-called internet activists to crucify in order to appear max woke.

We see this behavior in almost every fandom and community. If they can’t yell at anyone higher up the ladder, their target becomes the very people they claim to be defending/protecting because they are an easier target. They very much grab those buzzwords and weaponize them against the most vulnerable. See: the belief that menhera is Bad and Problematic because it romanticizes/appropriates mental illness, when most people who get into that subculture are literally ill themselves. All we get out of this childish perspective is people yelling at mentally ill teens online for daring to express their darkness in a cute way. 

In the case of toxic masculinity and the movement to change how society damages men, the target again becomes the very people they claim to want to help free from the toxicity. We get memes about how “weak” a man is for being terrified of being seen walking his girlfriend’s chihuahua, or holding her purse, or stepping foot into a skincare shop. Which is... obviously, not helping. It doesn’t address the problem, but makes fun of men for being victim to that problem. We’re trying to prevent this thing where men get so, so scared of being perceived a certain way that these things cause them a lot of mental and emotional anguish, to the point that when their health suffers, they do not talk about it. I’ve heard so many times of stories about men dying from suicide and no one knew anything was wrong, because he made very sure not to let it show. This is the problem we’re trying to fight when we say, hey, it’s okay to need help. It’s okay to be struggling. It’s okay to be vulnerable. The idea that you can’t be your glorious beefy lumberjack self, and also need to cry sometimes, is harmful. The idea that tears and emotions and mental health issues are weak (and only feminine) is harmful. 

Unfortunately a lot of people in various movements do not yet have the ability to distinguish context and nuance, so they file anything that looks like the bad thing as only the bad thing. Toxic masculinity is something that hurts guys, for the very reason being discussed: men are not often allowed to show the slightest bit if they’re struggling, if they do they get hell for it, which makes the problem even worse. They are often not allowed to be themselves. It starts young. If a 5 year old boy wants to watch Frozen, he’s ridiculed for wanting to watch a “girl movie”. That might not seem traumatic, but seeds planted at that young age grow into thorny, painful weeds by the time they become adult men. That’s what we want to help facilitate the healing of, that’s what we want to change by creating a safer environment where actual harmful, toxic masculinity isn’t something embedded into how we socialize boys.