#like...1500 words
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strangersteddierthings · 4 months ago
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Jealousy Looks Different On You
Title wonderfully suggested by @shoujo-wizard! Thanks so much because I was struggling to title this.
[Part One] ✨ [Part Two] ✨ [You Are Here] ✨ [Final Part]
It is not often in Eddie's life that he's left without words. So rare it is that Eddie can remember them all and tally them on one hand.
The first was when his mom died. He was so at a loss for words that he didn't speak for over a month, too lost in grief. And looking back on it older and wiser, a little bit was him knowing that it wouldn't have mattered if he'd spoke, his dad wasn't around to answer.
The second was when Wayne got The Call from his dad, when Wayne had to tell Eddie that he was going to be moving in with him permanently. That his dad wasn't coming back 'round for a long time.
The third was the first time a guy kissed him. Eddie was eighteen and had just learned he wasn't going to graduate the first time. He'd gone to Indy, ending up in gay bar that clocked his fake ID and wouldn't sell him alcohol but did let him in so he could be surrounded by other queers for the first time in his life. Eddie'd ended up in conversation with a guy old enough to drink and when he'd kissed Eddie there were no words, just a surprised gasp and then more kissing.
The fourth time (and this one is arguable due to him being in shock) was when Steve, Dustin, Robin, and Max had found him in the boathouse. It had taken him a while to find his voice before he could answer Dustin and learn that monsters are real.
So, Eddie is not left speechless often. Eddie's usual response is to get defensive, loud, or angry. Sometimes (most times) all three. He'd been rapidly approaching loud and angry until Steve shut him up with a quick list of how exactly Eddie fucked up.
Fucked up before he'd even had a real chance.
God damn him and his stupid fucking mouth! If he could go back and slap 21-year-old him in the back of the head, he would. He'd smack him good and then grab his shoulders and shaking him while screaming for him to shut up shut up shut up you are ruining your chances with Steve, and you don't even know it!
He can't go back, though. He can't unsay and unsay and unsay all the stupid, useless bullshit he's spewed over the years trying to throw Steve off course. Because that's what he was doing. Time and time again, finding guys who looked nothing like Steve to get his rocks off with, waxing lyrical about the ideal partner for him being as far from Steve as possible.
Eddie knows that's what he was doing because he stopped talking about it all so much when Steve, quiet and hesitant and shy for the first time ever since Eddie's known him, had come out to him. He wouldn't make eye contact, instead telling the wall behind Eddie 'I, uh, I've been learning new things every day, living here with you and Robin, and I. I, uh, I've learned new things about myself, too. Things that I think were... were always there but I was scared to look at for too long. But, um, because of you and Robin, I don't think I'm scared anymore,' and then Steve looked him right in the eye and said, 'I'm queer, too. I like girls, still, but also guys.'
God. Fuck! Fuck fuck fuck, that should have given it away! That Steve, nervous and fucking shy had made eye contact with him to come out. Like it was important that Eddie hear it and know it. And Eddie...
Jesus fuck, all his stupid, idiot, dumb-as-fuck past self had done was nod and say 'cool' before promptly changing the subject. At the time, Eddie had written off the look on Steve's face as Eddie bombing the Supportive Friend Response but now he sees it clearly for what it was.
Is.
Eddie breaking Steve's heart for the first time. Instead of giving any indication of liking Steve, Eddie'd all but solidified to him how disinterested Steve already thought Eddie was. Steve had said 'I like girls, still, but also guys' and only now can Eddie see that Steve meant 'I like girls, still, but also you.'
Eddie can see it all with this new knowledge adding perspective. Eddie had dug his own grave trying to hide how in love with Steve he was that he dug too far. So far that it worked. Why would Steve bother to tell Eddie he loved him when all Eddie had done was tattoo a clear and plain 'You aren't what I want and never will be' right across Steve's heart.
And now...
Now Eddie's sitting on a couch that used to be theirs. Could still be theirs if Eddie wasn't such a fucking coward all those years ago.
Instead, what is really happening is he's sitting on Steve's couch, crying silently, as he mourns what they could have been, should have been. And Steve's still standing before him, looking all the more uncertain and worried the longer Eddie's silent.
It takes all of Eddie's willpower to open his mouth and force out words. "I'm so fucking sorry, Steve. I-I'm so sorry."
Steve's brows scrunch, the space between them furrowing, and Eddie is struck with the same desire he always has when Steve's face does that. He wants to reach out and sooth it with his thumb, kiss it away.
"I should have- should've been more honest," Eddie says and his words feel as hollow as the tone of his voice. "You're right. I should have said something. Shit, I've basically spent our entire friendship sprouting lies so you wouldn't see the truth and it's fucked it all up."
Steve frowns at him, hands clenching and unclenching at his sides but he doesn't speak. In fact, he hasn't said much at all. His one rant was short but succinct and even though Eddie wants to hear his voice, wants Steve to sooth his guilt by accepting Eddie's apology, he knows it's too soon.
How can he possibly expect Steve to tell him he's forgiven when he's been unintentionally hurting him for at least five years?
Eddie looks down to his shoes and finally finds the strength to lift his hands, to wipe away the tears that streak down his cheeks. He shoves the heel of his palms into his eyes, taking a deep breath in and letting his hands drop as he breaths out. Once he feels a bit more put together, he looks back up at Steve, who is still standing awkwardly in his own living room, looking unsure.
"Have I been... hurting you this whole time?" Eddie asks, even though he's sure of the answer and hates himself for it.
"Yes," Steve says slowly, "and no. It's not that simple. I knew I wasn't what you wanted, it's not like you... strung me along or promised me anything. I hurt myself wanting you, but I couldn't stop."
Eddie lets out a whimpering sound. "No! Don't you get it? That's not- Steve, you are the one I wanted, want, more than anything else."
Steve's face twists again, angry and hurt.
Eddie rushes to continue. "I know it doesn't seem like it. I know. Because I hid it, Steve. I hid it so well that you believed the lies. That you believe what I wanted was everything you," Eddie's throat fills thick and it's hard to speak but he has to say the words, even though he hates the thought; hates that Steve thought it, "was everything you weren't and that's a lie."
Steve scoffs, a quiet and angry thing. "I don't know if you remember but we lived in this apartment together for eight years. Eight years of having to hear just how much you wanted whatever the guy of the week was giving you. These walls are thin."
Eddie does remember. Of course he does. The glares Robin would shoot him for disrupting her sleep and how Steve would rib him about having a fun night. He also remembers the change that came once Steve had come out to them. How Robin's glares turned from annoyance to actual anger. How Steve stopped teasing him and never met his eye the mornings after.
"I do enjoy kink," Eddie clarifies, because it's true, "particularly BDSM. But Steve, please, you have to believe me. I'd give it all up if it meant having you."
Steve sighs, like Eddie's said the exact thing he thought he would and wishes he hadn't. "I believe that you believe that."
God, Eddie's really, really, fucked this up. "I do believe that! What is all of, of that," he waves his hand in the air, a need to move something but unable to stand from the couch that could have still been theirs, "compared to you? The person I trust more than anyone else in the world? The person I'll never have to hide the occasional nightmare from because you already understand? Who knows all there is to know about me and still-" he skips over his words here, fearful that the truth might have changed between the bar and here, "-still loves me anyway?"
He watches Steve' Adams apple bob as he swallows before speaking. "I'll always love you, Eddie. That will never be the issue. It's just... what if love's not enough?"
And now, Eddie pleads, "but what if it is?"
-
For the timeline here, since I know have decided on one is this: Season 4 happened but Eddie lived and was cleared of charges but still had to get outta Hawkins ASAP. Steve, Robin, and Eddie shared an apartment in Chicago while Robin when to college. Robin lived with them for the 4 years she was in college and then an additional two until she got a serious girlfriend and they moved in together. Steve and Eddie, now 26 and 27, continued to live together until Eddie and his new band finally got their break when Eddie was 29. Eddie moved to LA then at the request of the label and Steve's stayed in that original Chicago apartment since. Steve is currently 31 and Eddie is 32.
@xxbottlecapx @im-sam-fucking-winchester @novacorpsrecruit @thewickedkat @dreamy-jeans137 @everywherenothere @hangingupinthehallway @estrellami-1 @queenie-ofthe-void @dreamsteddie @acowardinmordor @steviesummer @kinryuuki @genderless-spoon @paperbackribs @steddiecameraroll @yesdangerpls @jackiethevampireslayer @skitchskatchbat @sani-86
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cranberrymoons · 8 months ago
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don't slow this down
buddie | rated e | 2,581 words | getting together, domesticity, intimacy, hand jobs
They’re twenty seven hours into ninety six off, three more days of nothing stretching out in front of them. Nothing but this, and Buck, and the early afternoon sun pouring in through the big loft windows. "I guess I don't have to go."
[read on ao3]
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littlecrow04 · 8 months ago
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How we feeling about this??? Good? Bad?
Part of a fic I’m writing
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thatonepikminperson · 1 month ago
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The Rescue Corps Company Questioning Post
Okay this is going to be a long post but like dude the Rescue Corps. This game isn't giving me answers and therefore long as hell post will ensue. Good luck lmao.
Okay, so when writing I ran into an issue. How the hell does the Rescue Corps even work? What the hell does the rank captain even mean? My best guess is probably just captain, or current owner of the company, like how Olimar is the captain/owner of the S.S. Dolphin. But if that's the case, then that opens up a whole can of worms.
Does the HQ have any security? Like, do they just leave the building abandoned for the entirety of Pikmin 4? It's possible, since the Emergency Alert could have been an automatic system that just activated when the S.S. Shepherd crashed. But at the same time, why in the hell would they leave the building abandoned? Based off of Shepherd's love for dogs, it's also probable that there are a frick load of dogs inside, meaning they might be security, but who feeds them while Shepherd is gone? What even happens when they leave? Will the Lockpik(min)ing Lawyer come out of nowhere to break into the HQ? (that would be funny though...)
Another question, is there only one Rescue Corps crew? Like, it would both make sense, and not make sense. It would make sense, since it's stated by Dingo that they are still broke af thanks to Shepherd buying lots of dog stuff. But at the same time, do you expect me to believe that a company based on the idea of saving people throughout the entire galaxy would have ONE CREW. I'm not buying it at all. They started intergalactic rescues at the 82nd Captain, there's no shot they haven't hired any new crews since then, right?
The worst part about the above question is that using the game, it's damn near impossible to tell if they have more than one crew. Dingo does state he's "the best ranger in this Rescue Corps" Which brings up even more questions. Is there more than one Rescue Corps, cause that's kinda implied with the word "this". He could be comparing himself to other rangers in the Rescue Corps, which implies there is more than one crew, BUT he could also be comparing himself to past rangers, which supports there's only one crew. He's not the only one with this type of dialogue, as Collin fuckin does it to.
Collin says that Shepherd is "one of the few members of the Rescue Corps with the highest certificate ranking." Which, also can go both ways. The few members thing could imply that there is more than one crew due to her not being the only one of this rank (I'm assuming captain), but it could also be a one crew situations, as these other members could be past Shepherd family captains, which would then make this line about Shepherd' family and not other crews. Good news though, Dingo does specify that the prior captain (which is almost certainly Shepherd's father) saved him on the snowy mountain. Bad news, that doesn't help, as why yes, that could still be a one crew situation, it could also be multiple since it could've been a situation where Shepherd's father's crew was the only one available, or the closest to the job.
Though I do feel like there is one line that does lean closer to the 'there is more then one crew thing' than any other, and it's from Shepherd's Let's Chat dialogue tree. She states that "Once a captain has given a Rescue Officer their mission, there's nothing to be done but hope you'll see that officer again." Now, you could go the route of one crew and say Shepherd has done this to her own crew, but if so why wouldn't she give an example of this? This could still work though, as if Shepherd was job shadowing her father, then it would make sense. Though I feel as if this fits the more than one crew option better, as it would make a bit more sense here saying that Shepherd is speaking from personal experience with other crews, since I'm taking her not giving an example with this crew as her giving orders to another.
Though this line of dialogue brings up another odd thing about the Rescue Corps, which is that everyone is a Rescue Officer, so, does that mean captains (assuming this is not the highest rank here) can send other captains on missions? It's very probable, as if we are running with the more than one crew thing, then Shepherd probably got told that her crew was going on a mission by either a higher up and/or another captain at the Corp. Plus, if there was more than one crew, it would make Shepherd's "job" as a Pup Trainer make a bit more sense, as she can just help other crews train a good dogo. And to those saying "Shepherd is the Captain, she can't be told what to do!" IF there is more than one captain (different ranks probably), technically, by that line of dialogue, they could, since Shepherd's ID states she's both a "Rescue Corps Captain" and "A 99th-gen Rescue Corps Officer."
Dude what even is the ranking system here? Cause if it's just Captain, Captain in training, Rescue Pup, and Officer, why dude??? I'd assume at least there would be more ranks than those four, like maybe some of the ones from Pikmin 3's medals. Those are "Lieutenant (Bronze), Captain (Silver), General (Gold), Royalty (Platinum)" It might make some sense having a Lieutenant rank for other crew's captains, and Shepherd being the only captain rank, but they could so use General dude. It's a golden (ha ha) opportunity. I'm just not even gonna touch rank, cause this post is not getting an extra two paragraphs it's long enough.
Alright more questions, where the ever loving hell is Shepherd's dad. It's never stated what happened to him, just that Shepherd took over as captain, which I'm just going to assume is her taking over the company. Is he dead, is he alive, is he in an old person's home? So many questions for a dude who appears 0 times in game and is mentioned like three times max dude. Actually, better question, WHERE IS SHEPHERD'S MOM??? She's never mentioned at all, did she just get murdered or something??? Could the event Shepherd's ID card talks about be where she lost her mother? It might make sense, since her father was taking work for free, since he felt guilty letting his wife die or something, and that would for sure kick start Shepherd's will to become the next captain. Or maybe she's also alive and in the old person's home with her husband? I don't know.
Also another detail I noticed when going through the game's dialogue is that there's a very high chance that all crews live in the HQ. This mainly comes from Shepherd, who states that Yonny have 27 boxes of books shipped to the HQ, which would imply Yonny lives at the HQ. Otherwise, why the hell would you put your shipping adress as your place of work, it doesn't make sense dude. This also can be said about the Russ's lab coats (it was like 64 or something) getting shipped to the Rescue Corps by his mother, which same idea, why would they be shipped to the Rescue Corps if Russ didn't live there.
Also also another detail I found is that we can infer why some members joined the Corps. Shepherd is a no duh, she's in the Shepherd family. Dingo probably did it due to him getting saved by Shepherd's father and wanting to be like him. We're told Bernard was scouted by Shepherd. We're also told that Russ joined out of "Shear curiosity", which just leaves Collin and Yonny. You could make the case that Collin took the job for money, like he did with the rest of his odd jobs before landing here, or you could make the case that Collin wasn't going for the job, he was just found by whoever does recruiting (50/50 it's the current captain of the Corp) and was a perfect match, or maybe his grandfather had something to do with it. It's not really stated why he took the job, but he did.
Same with Yonny. Bro doesn't really often talk about himself, and the others just talk about his books or "hobbies". There's a decent chance he joined just so he could have someone to financially support his medical bullshit, or it could have been because Dingo was joining and he went screw it, or it could be a secret 3rd option I missed. I'm not sure. (Also fun fact, Yonny is not the only Officer who ever talks about night missions, Bernard has a surprising amount of Let's Chat dialogue dedicated to them. Turns out, Yonny and Bernard chat more than I thought they would, noted.)
Okay this post is long enough lol. In conclusion, I need answers but I'm never gonna get them so here's my yolo guess to some of the stuff I was questioning:
Shepherd owns the Rescue Corps now, but during Pikmin 4 (And how long that game takes on average), her father came out of retirement to make sure the company didn't perish in her absence. Also there's probably more that one crew, it just makes sense. And her mother is alive and well, cause healthy family relationship for the win.
Alright, that's probably good enough. It's as close to the non-specific canon as I'm gonna get dude if you've read this far thank this was just the result of me going "wait what the hell how would this realistically work H U H "
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thefloatingwriter · 1 year ago
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sunrise on the reaping is where headcanons go to die.
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sadkachow · 1 year ago
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you know what? i like being masculine. i like identifying as a (nonbinary) trans man. i like being mlm/nblm. i like being me.
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amtrak12 · 5 months ago
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Stray Warehouse 13 thoughts since I am procrastinating writing my B&W gift exchange fic:
I just love that I can cry over Myka & Pete's relationship and call them soulmates without having to constantly clarify that I don't mean in a romantic way. Everyone already knows I mean it in a platonic way. No one online ships them together. This is a safe space, free from heteronormativity 💕
When I say that Myka is Artie's favorite child, I'm not trying to claim that he loves any of the others less. I am merely saying Myka read the entire manual, cover to cover, the second she got it and that makes Artie want to cry with happiness. No one's done that in decades (since he started at the warehouse). It raises his hopes that Myka might break his own personal record for longest lived warehouse agent. :')
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majorproblems77 · 3 months ago
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Hi! 5 for the writing exercise thing?
Hello there!
5 was Help.
Running, screaming, yelling!
"Someone help me!"
He couldn't speak but he had to run he had to help.
"Link, please!" Her voice yelled from the clouds above him. "Help me, Brother!"
Run. Run faster, swim faster, follow the wind, follow the waves. Faster faster faster...
I'm on my way!
Link...
"Link help me!"
She was in pain, she was crying he had to help her!
Link wake up.
A feeling on his shoulder. Something grabbing, pinching, pulling.
NO!
Shooting upright saw him looking towards warriors. "Hey... Hey... Its okay." The captain had his hands raised in front of him, his eyes radiated calm as he could feel his heart beating rapidly out of his chest.
"I have to... She needs..." His eyes searched the forests around them. The water. He had to get to the water.
"Your sister is safe. Remember. You saved her. We saw her only this morning," the captain lowered his hands to the floor. Twisting them upright in the grass before bringing them up again. Offering them forward. "Take my hands and breathe, okay?"
He shook his head.
He couldn't!
"You can, breathe on the count of my fingers okay." The captain radiated calm as he gently began to tap a finger on the back of his hand. ONe, two, three the taps went. "In. and out. Your safe. Its okay."
In and out his breathing went.
Until it settled, and he crawled into the captain's arms.
At one point, Sky came over, the skyloftian offering his arms to hold onto as he rocked and tried to get himself together. Eventually, he would settle in The captain's arms, the sailcloth wrapped around his torso as they spoke of fireflys and birds through the night.
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rigelmejo · 5 months ago
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@earlgrey--tea you asked who learned French just by watching TV shows and I'm thrilled you asked.
Here is the paper Peter Llewellyn Foley published: Picking up a second language from television: an autoethnographic L2 simulation of L1 French learning. Looking over the paper again now, he did 1500 hours of audio-visual French material for native speakers. He read toward the end of that period for some hundreds of hours, and he talked to people in French similarly toward the end of that period for some hundreds of hours. I read the whole thing, and I recommend anyone else who's curious reads the whole thing. Because my takeaways may not be the same as another person's. The paper includes what he did, how he studied, how he tracked his study, what study materials worked best (he found children's cartoons with a lot of visuals of what is being talked about were the easiest to learn from in the first few hundred hours - and adult television where they talk about things not directly visually shown as some of the hardest stuff that he used once he had more understanding of the language).
His paper shows at least 1 person could learn French by watching shows (with children's cartoons being best at the beginning stage until you learn more words), and trying to figure out what each thing means as you hear it. He did a lot of puzzling out the sounds he heard, using context and guessing what was being talked about (for curiosity's sake he did the opposite of what ALG Automatic Language Growth articles tend to suggest people do). He did not do any reading later sometime after 1000 hours, and it's fascinating how different he imagined French spelling was based on his guesses from the sound, compared to how it is actually spelled. He did use some graded readers for learners once he was reading.
He did not look any word translations up when watching all those shows. He personally makes the guess that if he HAD looked up words, if he HAD used French subtitles, and if he had focused entirely on children's shows at first, his progress might have taken less time. But his experiment did not do that, so it's only a guess, and actual success of people who've looked up words should be referenced instead for how successful or not it is (people like r/Refold learners look up words while watching shows), and he did not use any video materials made for language learners but my personal thinking is that Comprehensible Input type lessons at the beginning stage may have worked even better than children's cartoons.
To me, his level of understanding and ability to do things lines up fairly well with Dreaming Spanish's roadmap estimated hours to do X things. That makes sense to me as Peter basically studied with stuff made for native speakers, which eventually became more comprehensible. And Dreaming Spanish is designed to be fully comprehensible to a learner, until they can comprehend stuff for native speakers. I imagine Peter had a harder time initially, but as an English speaker learning French, with all the cognates, maybe he didn't have to learn as much to cross the threshold into comprehending children's shows as someone learning a language with no cognates.
I wrote my in depth thoughts about his paper here but it's mostly just rambling.
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alacants · 11 days ago
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omega roger and alpha mirka (there is also alpha andy roddick)…if u want
https://archiveofourown.org/works/890922
.............i cannot beLIEVE i didn't know this existed until just now. oh my god.
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serensama · 26 days ago
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Okay, I wrote out this week's 'A word with Friends' but as that's gotten out of hand (ahahaha... again TT__TT) I'll actually have to read it before posting just to make sure half of it makes sense O_O NOW- to tackle this week's Thursday Bangers- who wants to take bets if I can keep it under 1K and finish it in one sitting? AHAHAHAHAHAHA. Not me.
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enchiibean · 1 year ago
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i feel like you are one of the only people ive seen that doesnt immediately believe gon fell in love with killua in the hunter exam arc. i feel like it's dismissive of his character, it bothers me. what are your thoughts?
Hi! Sorry for taking so long answering! I wanted to write a good answer to this because I do actually have a lot of thoughts about it, so thank you for the ask! This ended up really long and as more of an analysis on their relationship in general… I want to preface this by saying that everything in this post is simply my interpretation of the characters, and that it’s only one interpretation of many. Just because how someone else interprets their relationship is different from mine doesn’t mean I think they’re wrong, it just means we see them differently! If you read this post, I hope you are able to see my point of view!
Although Killugon is one of my favourite ships ever, introducing romantic feelings so early into their dynamic makes their relationship feel less meaningful to me. I think that their friendship is more narratively important than their romance — and I think that both of them would be okay with the other not returning their feelings because being together is more important to them than being together romantically.
One of the things that makes their relationship so special is their friendship!! Their friendship is the foundation of their relationship, and the romance exists on top of it, not before it. Although I don’t think that romantic feelings would necessarily change their motivations and actions, I do think that it would alter how the audience would perceive them! And when we look at their actions through a romantic lens, it changes how we view their motivations.
For example, to me, the reason Killua approached Gon at the beginning of the Hunter Exam and wanted to become friends with him isn’t because he had a crush on him at first sight, but because he wants to have a friend his age and to feel like a kid. Even if it’s that he developed a crush on him later in the exam, I think that the idea of him already having been attracted to Gon or even in love with him during the Hunter Exam takes away from the importance of friendship to Killua, since the climax of Killua’s character in this arc is when he declares that he just wants to be friends with Gon when he feels like he can’t even have that.
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I don’t think Killua really thought that anyone would be willing to confront his family for him because that’s literally an insane thing to do?? But Gon did it!! And I think that Gon being that insane and willing to risk his life for Killua is what really dragged him out of the darkness and gave him the devotion to be insane right back at him. 
On the other hand, with Gon, I feel like, when viewed through a romantic lens, his motivation during the Zoldyck Family Arc typically becomes that he’s going after Killua because he’s already developed feelings for him in the Hunter Exam Arc, which as you may have guessed, I don’t agree with. To me, that was something he’d have done for any of his friends — if Kurapika or Leorio suddenly started acting strangely and had run off when it seemed clear to Gon that they didn’t want to leave, I think he’d have chased after them, too.
We know that Gon is the type of person who would even risk his life to try to save someone he barely knows (if he likes them), like on the boat on the way to the Hunter Exam! And if I’m being completely honest, I don’t think Killua was even a particularly special friend to Gon until partway through Heaven’s Arena… If Killua hadn’t followed him and they didn’t speak ever again, Killua would’ve just been someone cool that he’d met and that he would no longer think about, and I definitely don’t think he had any romantic feelings for him by then.
That’s not to say that Killua wasn’t someone he considered a friend, just that I think that, at the time, to Gon, it was like when you make a friend at summer camp and then you lose contact as soon as you part ways. And while to Killua, Gon’s actions during Zoldyck Family Arc gave him this unpayable debt and made Killua extremely devoted to Gon, I don’t think it meant that much to Gon because again, I think this is something that he’d have done for any of his friends. However, by the end of Heaven’s Arena, I do think Killua has become someone who is special to Gon — on Whale Island, Gon tells Killua that he’s his first friend his age, and more than that, he’s someone that he wants to stay with.
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In that same scene, they tell each other that they’re their first friend (their age). To me, this is something that informs so much of their dynamic — they don’t know what being friends with someone “normally” looks like, which is part of why they’re so insane!! And because of this, it’s important to me that there is at least a small period of time before this where that’s all they were — friends, no romantic feelings involved. 
Their insanity extends to romance, but is not because of it — their friendship is the most important part of their relationship. This is why even during the needle scene, where I feel like I can say that I definitely think that Killua has feelings for Gon at this point (his reactions during the “it has to be Killua scene,” the “Gon, you are light scene,” etc.), the emphasis is on how Gon is precious to him because he’s his friend, even though he is probably in love with him.
That friendship foundation is so important to how I see Gon and Killua and honestly, beyond the whole “viewing their actions through a romantic lens changes how we perceive them” thing, I just… don’t see either of them as being in love by the end of the Hunter Exam! These reasons are why it’s important to how I interpret their characters for there to be a period of time where their feelings are purely platonic.
Also, as an add-on, personally, I think that there’s a chance that Gon doesn’t return Killua’s feelings in canon even at their separation since nothing that he’s done, said, or thought has felt as explicitly romantic in nature as Killua. BUT I really like the idea of Gon pining for Killua on Whale Island during their separation, haha. The earliest I can conceive of when Gon starts developing feelings for Killua is Greed Island and a lot of it has to do with the shift in their dynamic — it’s when Gon starts really saying things to demonstrate his appreciation of Killua!!
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HOWEVER, that doesn’t mean I perceive his actions as romantic in nature from his perspective. For example, while “it has to be Killua” is a romantic line, I don’t think Gon said it with romantic intent (nor that he’d be aware of them yet if he did have them)! I think that that was more for Killua, as well as planting the seeds in the reader’s mind for their romance, rather than a confession from Gon. Plus, imagine if he’d confessed his feelings for Killua to TSEZGUERRA instead of Killua when Killua is RIGHT THERE…
The other reason why Greed Island is the time where I think Gon is most likely to have developed feelings for Killua is because I really don’t think he was focusing on Killua in the same way in Chimera Ant Arc and it’d be a strange point in their relationship for romantic feelings to develop to me… I can’t imagine any of the moments in Chimera Ant Arc as being one where Gon would have developed feelings for Killua, or where he would have realized them. I like the idea that his realization happens sometime either during or after the separation the most!
On the other hand, I think that Killua probably had feelings for Gon by the start of Greed Island and realized them either during the dodgeball match or the “Gon, you are light” scene because they had the most romantic undertones to me from Killua’s side :) and I think that Killua could have developed them at any point after the Zoldyck Family Arc. 
I think that the way that their relationship develops is so beautiful and subtle that the romance ultimately feels very ambiguous. I don’t think that there is one specific point where we can say that either of them developed or realized any romantic feelings for each other definitively, and I don’t think there are any ideas that are necessarily wrong about when either happened, just ones that don’t align with each other! There are only different interpretations and ones that don’t align with each other and this post is only representative of my personal interpretation :) I hope this answered your question, Anon! And thank you to anyone who was willing to read the entirety of this post. It ended up much, much longer (and perhaps, much, much, more off-topic from the original question) than I expected, haha!
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againaweasel · 1 month ago
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Actually fully planned an au BEFORE I started writing any of it
I’m gonna need people to clap or something 😭
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whiskey-tango-matcha · 2 months ago
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inside of me, there are 2 wolves. one who wants to write just snz porn with no plot at all, and one who wants to write the saddest, most whump-heavy sickfic ever conceived.
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starscelly · 2 months ago
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OFFICIALLY done with my semester ..... i have 500000 personal projects waiting for me to get through . lets fucking go or wtvr
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mysterypuppys · 2 months ago
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leaving my camera on while i cry during lecture because i want my instructor to feel bad about these bullshit assignments
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