#listen i just NEED Enid to go what does it feel like to lose to Tyler ok

[krikeymate]

The scene is an underground crypt. It’s dusty, no-one has been down here in a long time. On the wall are chains, a bloody and beaten body hangs. It looks up, the scarred face of Tyler glares outwards. He grunts and growls, unable to form words around his broken jaw.

Wednesday stares at him from the doorway, face impassive. Her hand rests on the handle of the thick stone door. “For what it’s worth, I’m sorry it had to come to this.” She goes to close the door.

A hand touches hers, multicoloured nails contrasting against the pale skin.

“Wait-” “Enid.” “Please... just a moment.”

Wendesday sighs and steps back, hand slipping from the door. Enid gives her a small smile, gratitude in her eyes.

She steps into the room, eyes hardening as she turns to look at Tyler. Dust billows with every step, until they’re face to face. She drags her eyes over his, searching. For a moment she feels a kinship to him, how could she not. Their twin scars, their shitty home lives, their... connection... with Wednesday. Wednesday.

She leans forward, and whispers,

“What does it feel like?” A pause. “To lose.”

Her lips twitch upwards as the words enrage the boy, snarling and thrashing in his chains despite the broken bones.

She allows herself this satisfaction, after all he had done to her, after all he had done to her.

Enid spins on her heel, a bounce to her step as she leaves the room, dragging the door closed behind her.

Wednesday fastens the lock and turns to her, her unblinking eyes peer deep into her soul, or so it feels like.

“What did you say to him?”

“Nothing important,” Enid replies, reaching out for Wednesday’s hand.

“C’mon, let’s get home and get cleaned up.”

[caitlynskitten]

oh my gods,,,,, SENSITIVE WEDNESDAY????????

Enid & Yoko are so used to antagonistic conversations with the seer (Yoko more than Enid) and so they're surprised when Wednesday starts tearing up whenever they make little jabs or teasing remarks like they used to and they both go in the complete opposite direction, loading her with praise and love and hugs and kisses, just to reassure their little raven again.

And ohhhh a raven plushie?!?!?!?

Anon, you have melted my heart!!! I CANNOT HANDLE THIS ANYMORE!!!

....

Anywayyyy Wednesday is absolutely inseparable from that damn raven plush and the only time she lets it out of her sight is when it needs to be cleaned.

So, one night, she's cuddled up in between Enid & Yoko and holding her raven tight when in the middle of the night, Wednesday wakes up to the feeling of it missing. Unable to find it anywhere, she begins panicking, breathing quick and shallow and tears flowing. Enid wakes up to the disturbance and sees Wednesday crying, "Little raven? What's wrong?"

"Can't find it! Need it need it need it, please Mommy! NEED IT!"

Enid's confused for a moment before noticing Yoko, also woken up by Wednesday's crying, standing by the side of the bed with the plush. She leans over the seer to take the plush and holds it in front of Wednesday, who grabs it back immediately.

Yoko crawls back into bed and the vampire and wolf both hold Wednesday tightly. None of them are able to sleep after all the excitement so they all take the day off tomorrow and spend it all cuddling.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

ORRR,,,,

Wednesday gets detention one day and the typical rule is to have backpacks confiscated for the duration of the detention, along with any belongings inside. And of course, the plush rests inside Wednesday's backpack so being separated from the bag is no good, no good at all.

A few times Wednesday tries to sneak over just to grab the raven plush, only to be stopped by a sharp clearing of the throat by Principal Weems, who is increasingly less impressed by the raven's insistent behavior, despite very well knowing the rules.

It all comes to a head when Larissa finally snaps, "Listen here, Miss Addams. You knew the rules and the punishment for breaking them and now you are facing the consequences for them. I haven't the faintest idea what in the world could be so important in that bag of yours, but if you do not remain sat in that chair for the remaining time left, I will have everything in that bag confiscated for the rest of the year, do I make myself crystal clear?"

And that shatters Wednesday, not only being snapped at when she's already in a very vulnerable state of mind but also the threat of losing her raven plush for the rest of the year?!? Wednesday immediately breaks down in full-body sobs, tears running like rivers down her face. Weems is taken aback for a moment before she enters panic mode. She tries everything she can think of, even giving Wednesday her backpack, but nothing settles her.

Weems is finally forced to do the only thing she can think of and calls Enid & Yoko to her office, hoping they'll be able to calm the raven down. Thankfully, they do. Though it does take some time. Once Wednesday is breathing evenly again and most of her tears are gone, Enid picks her up and they bring her back to the wolf and seer's shared dorm and spend the next few days together.

And after Wednesday's feeling better, Yoko and Enid go to Larissa's office to have..... words and practically tear the principal a new one... in multiple languages.... just to make sure the point sticks.

DO NOT MAKE WEDNESDAY CRY! EVER!!!!!

And if somehow, word spreads across campus of Wednesday Addams herself crying.... Well, no... it doesn't. 🙂

WHY DO YOU KEEP MAKING MY HEART MELT 😭😭😭😭😭

You know Yoko now has to remember not to tease Wednesday anymore. She definitely doesn’t want to see her beautiful Raven’s eyes filled with tears again. In fact if she ever thinks about trying to tease her she’ll just kiss her to stop herself from saying anything. Of course Wednesday doesn’t mind that at all and enjoys it every time ♥️

God baby Wednesday being super attached to that plushie is everything to me now ughh 😭😭🥺🥺 I just know Enid and Yoko seeing their babygirl cry like that makes their heart break. When Yoko gives her back the plushie and Wednesday takes it and cuddles with it she just kisses her all over and reassures her she won’t ever lose it again and god I love that these two love each other so much that they’re willing to stay home and take a day off just for their little rain cloud. She’s so much more important to them now.

Omg you know damn well Enid wolfed out at Weems. Telling her to never ever fuck with Wednesday or her plushie ever again. While Weems is TERRIFIED I imagine her being so taken back at the fact that not only does Wednesday have a girlfriend but TWO of them.

After all that Yoko and Enid come home they find Wednesday hugging her plushie really tight and smother her with love and kisses in bed giving Wednesday and overwhelming feeling. The good type of overwhelming ♥️♥️♥️

Now it’s just the four of them. Yoko, Enid, Wednesday and Wednesday’s plushie 🥺🥺♥️♥️ Baby Wednesday with her plushie all the time oh my god my HEART. 🥺♥️

This is how Wednesday is holding her plushie in bed 🥰🥰🥰

[walkerwords]

“The Savior Sessions” Part 29 of 33 - Negan x GN!Reader

IMAGE CREDIT: AMC

SERIES MASTERLIST

Summary: While Daryl and the others are fighting their way through Alpha’s trap, the reader comes face to face with their fear as Beta enters Alexandria. 

Word Count: 4826

Warning: Swearing, Violence

Song I Wrote To: “Seven Nation Army” by The White Stripes

Note: So, this scene is a bit different. Judith is not in Alexandria at the moment as she’s with her mom in Hilltop. I am not removing Michonne from the story like she is in the show. So, this fight is gonna play out a bit different!

-------

Arriving back home in Alexandria, Enid words followed you.

She was right, Lydia should not have been out there alone and it would be your fault if she got hurt or worse, fell back into the hands of her mother.

Even as you walked down the darkening streets of Alexandria, there was a part of you that didn’t care if Alpha took more lives and that terrified you. You loved your friends, your family, but if collateral damage was necessary for Beta and Alpha to die, then so be it. 

The bitter taste in your mouth followed you as you walked towards home. When you noticed Rosita pacing outside the cell, you slowed.

“What are you doing?” you asked. Rosita looked up at you and then walked forward wrapped her arms around you. 

Confused, you hugged her back before letting go. “Ro?” you asked again. 

“Sorry, I’m just… A lot has been happening,” she said. 

“Like what? I wasn’t gone that long.”

“Gamma is here,” Rosita said, gesturing towards the cell. 

“What?” you asked, glancing towards the small window. 

“She arrived earlier, said she wants to help us,” Rosita said. 

“And you believe her?”

“I don’t know. That’s why she’s locked up,” Rosita explained. 

“You think she’s another spy?”

“No,” Rosita said, shaking her head. “Though, I don’t know what to do with her. I keep thinking about when Dwight switched sides.” Nodding, you understood where she was coming from. Dwight had given you valuable information that helped you win the war against Negan and his men. 

“Dwight had someone he cared about pushing him forward,” you reminded her. “Sherry was everything to him.” 

“Gamma has her nephew,” Rosita reminded you and you knew she was right. Earl had taken in the Whisperer baby after Connie had saved him from his mother abandoning him in the sorghum field. 

“Is Adam enough?” you asked. 

“I hope so,” Rosita said. “I don’t know if we can win this fight without her help.”

“Is that willingness I hear, Espinosa?” you asked. 

“It just might be, (Y/L/N),” Rosita countered. 

“Well, what does Daryl think? Michonne?”

“Michonne is a bit MIA at the moment. She’s travelling from Oceanside or to Oceanside, I don’t really know. Daryl however, is gone.” 

“What do you mean he’s gone?” you asked, suddenly concerned.

“He, Jerry, Aaron, Connie, Kelly, Magna, and Carol got a lead on the horde. They went looking for it,” Rosita explained and you could see that she was worried as well. Sighing, you rubbed at your temples. This was why Carol had wanted you home. She needed someone to watch the front lines so she could go find Alpha’s Walkers. 

“They should have waited for me,” you said, clenching your fists. 

“I think one unstable person is enough,” Rosita mumbled and then realized what she said. 

“Nice,” you quipped, storming past her. 

“(Y/N)!” Rosita tried, but you kept walking, not wanting to hear what she had to say. You weren’t stupid, you knew that you had been acting irrationally. That much was clear and you could see that when it came down to it, you were not thinking clearly. However, you couldn’t get Beta’s face out of your head. 

It would be a cold day in Hell before you let him win. Then again, you felt as if the last decade had been Hell on Earth. Still, you pushed on, ignoring the worried looks of your friends as you headed to your house. 

Gabriel was coming out of Rosita’s house as you passed the front steps and he looked as if he was going to say something, but didn’t. Considering how pissed you were, he must have figured it was better to give you a moment alone. 

Shoving open your front door, you let it slam behind you. You went straight to your garage. The overhead gaslight illuminated the myriad of maps laid out on your workbench only reminded you of the failure you had experienced when trying to find Negan. Lashing out, you swept your hand across the table, scattering the maps across the map. 

Bracing your hands on the table, you struggled to keep it together. “I really need you,” you whispered to the empty room. A single tear dripped onto the old wood and you scrubbed the second from your cheek. Your knees sunk to the floor as you began to feel the loss of him again. 

“He’s not dead,” you reminded yourself. “He’s out there.” Even as you encouraged yourself, Negan’s face remained behind your eyes. Negan being alive was the only thing that was keeping you going. 

Sitting there on the floor of your garage, you thought back to a conversation you had during the war against the Saviors with the one and only Rick Grimes. 

Eight Years Ago…

“Hey, Boss,” you said as you walked into Rick’s house. 

“You don’t have to call me that,” Rick said with a small smile. 

“Ah, well, it’s a force of habit. You are, in fact, our boss. One that I am more than willing to follow.” 

“Well, thank you, (Y/N),” he said. 

“So, what’s up?” you asked, hopping up on the counter of his kitchen. 

“I need your advice on something,” he said. 

“Is this about Dwight?” you asked. “Because if it is, then I have to tell you that I don’t trust the weasel, no matter what he told Daryl.” 

“It’s not,” Rick said with a small frown. “It’s about Negan,” he said. 

“What about him?” 

“Carl thinks that he’s more than we think,” Rick said. 

“More than a psychopath who murdered our friends?” you asked, not liking where this is going. 

“Carl thinks we can reason with him.”

“And I think that the dinosaurs are going to come back,” you deadpanned. Rick gave you one of his looks, but you weren’t deterred by it. “Come on, Grimes, you don’t actually think that we can resolve all of this by a damn conversation, do you?” 

“I want the killing to stop,” Rick said. 

“I know, I know,” you said. “I just don’t want you to lose focus.”

“You think I should kill him?” Rick asked, but you paused. Taking a moment, you reviewed everything that had happened since the Satellite Station. 

“I think,” you began, “that you should do whatever is necessary to protect our people.” 

“What if that doesn’t include killing Negan?” Rick asked.

“Then it doesn’t,” you said with a shrug. “Look, I don’t know the man. I haven’t had the opportunity to actually speak to him or see what’s behind the cocky grin so I can’t speak on his character. I believe in a person’s actions and so far, Negan’s have been horrendous. Do I think that maybe one day he can be a decent person? Yeah, sure. I don’t think anyone is truly lost, but the future is a long ways away and we need to think about surviving now.” 

Rick was quiet for a moment before he looked back up at you and nodded. He then reached out and gripped your forearm and you mirrored the movement. “Thanks, Shots,” Rick said, using Carl’s nickname for you. 

“I’m always gonna be here, Rick. I ain’t never leaving you behind,” you promised. Rick smiled at you. 

“I know,” he said. “You never leave anyone behind. That’s why I love you so much, kid.” 

“Not a kid,” you reminded him. 

“Shut up and take the compliment,” he said and then you pushed him back. Rick feigned surprised and then pushed you back. The two of you ended up wrestling in the kitchen, laughing the entire time. Regardless of what was to come, you would be by his side as one of his closest friends and that was all that mattered.

--------

A loud thud pulled you from your thoughts. 

You waited, listening, and when you heard it again, you grabbed your sword and slipped out the side door, picking up a spare radio on the way. 

Pausing out front of your house, you searched the darkness around you. Something felt off and it made your skin crawl. Drawing your blade from its scabbard, you began to walk along the sidewalk, checking around every corner you could find. Your heart was hammering in your chest, but your breath remained steady. You were trying to rationalize that it could have been anything. Maybe a stray animal had gotten in and couldn’t get out. However, there was a part of your brain that knew how ridiculous that was. 

You never got this particular feeling unless it was for a good reason, or rather, a bad one. 

Slipping in between the houses, you searched darkened windows, checking in on your fellow Alexandrians, but everything seemed to be okay. That is until you came across a specific house. You could hear dull thuds as if someone was redecorating at the odd hour. 

Sneaking up to the front window, you peered into the dark living room. Suddenly, a pair of white eyes and a gaping jaw appeared at the window, startling you. As the freshly-turned Walker fought to get to you through the pane of glass, you noticed the slash mark on its throat. One that a very particularly large blade would make. 

“Shit,” you swore and pulled your radio as you stumbled back from the house. “Gabriel?” you whispered into the radio as you tried to get your nerve back. 

“What is it?” he asked, answering your call. 

“Walkers, there are Walkers inside the walls,” you said, finally turning away from the house. 

“What?” he asked, confused. 

“Something’s wrong,” you whispered, looking around. It was then that you noticed a trail of fresh soil on the ground. If you hadn't been trained by the best tracker out there, you probably wouldn’t have noticed. However, the large boot prints in the soil only confirmed the fear in your mind. That fear turned to rage as your eyes began to scan for your target. 

For Beta. 

“(Y/N),” Gabriel said. “What is going on?” You went to answer him when you had a realization. 

“Gamma,” you gasped as you took off running, letting the radio crash to the ground as you ignored Gabriel’s worried tone that crackled over the line. You pushed your legs harder to get to Michonne’s house as quickly as possible. 

Throwing yourself down the cement steps, you burst into the jail that had its door broken down. When you beheld what was in front of you, however, you nearly crumbled to the ground. Instead of Gamma, you found Laura on the floor with blood across her face. 

Sliding to her side, you grabbed for her face and neck, checking for a pulse. “Laura? Laura, wake up,” you begged. Her eyes opened weekly as she saw your face. 

“(Y/N)?” she asked. 

“I’m here,” you said, trying to wipe the blood from her face. Her blonde hair was soaked in her own blood as she struggled to stay awake. “It’s going to be okay,” you promised her. As you pulled back your hand, however, they were drenched in red. 

“Beta,” she choked out as blood dripped from her lips. “Run,” she said, gripping at your shirt with weak fingers. 

“I’m not going anywhere,” you said to her as she kept staring into your eyes. “You’re not alone,” you whispered. Gripping her hands tight, you felt her trying to return the favor, but she was too weak. “Where is Gamma?” you asked her. 

“Got her out,” Laura said. “Safe… I… Think…” she said just as a tear fell from her eye. “I, I can’t,” she struggled. 

“Shh, don’t talk,” you said, trying to soothe her, but you didn’t have any more words of comfort to offer her. How could you tell her everything was going to be alright when he had done this? 

“Eugene,” Laura sputtered, choking a bit. “Tell him, thank...you.” 

“I will,” you promised as she reached for your face once more before her hand fell to her side and Laura drew her final breath. “No, no, no,” you cried as her pulse dwindled and then stopped altogether. “No!” you yelled, clutching her body to yours. It was as if the world stopped spinning. You knew that there wasn’t a guaranteed amount of time, you knew that and you had to finish it before she came back. There was a universal agreement across all the communities, nobody turned.

Pulling the knife from her belt, you quickly slipped it into the base of her skull, silencing her soul. As you pulled the blade, you fell into her again, hugging her close to you. Your tears mixed in with the dirt and blood on her skin as you clung to her, not ready to let go.

“I’m sorry,” you cried into her neck, holding onto her with dear life. “I’m so sorry.” As sorrow filled you, the anger began to boil over, nearly drowning you. Beta had done this. He had taken yet another person from you and probably enjoyed it too. Laura had been given a second chance after the war and he had stolen her life as if it meant nothing. 

Gently placing her down onto the floor of the jail, you shut her eyes with your steady hand. Taking a deep breath, you got to your feet and gripped your sword tight. Looking down at Laura again, you felt your heart breaking, but you ignored the pain and channeled it into fury. 

A loud crash came from above followed by a loud grunt. Turning from the body of your dead friend, you ran from the cell just to see Beta run from Michonne’s home, his knives in both his hands.

His large form was even more terrifying than you remembered. Daryl’s voice was in your head as you were reminded of what happened when Beta had fought him, but you weren’t Daryl and now, this was even more personal. 

As Beta turned his focus to Rosita’s home, you attacked. Drawing a smaller knife from your boot, you reeled your arm back and threw with all your strength. The knife embedded itself into Beta’s shoulder, making him stumble from surprise. You ran at him with all the speed you had left in you. 

Beta turned just as you raised your sword, aiming for his head. Beta ducked, parrying your blade with both of his. He knocked you back, but you returned with a strike aimed at his torso. Beta spun around, knocking you off balance, but you never stopped. 

Trading blows back and forth, you finally had another opening and aimed for his throat. Beta blocked once again, leaning in close as your blades scraped against one another. Looking into his eyes, you didn’t show an ounce of fear, but recognition lit up in his eyes as he groaned against the pain in his shoulder. 

“You,” he spat, his lips pulling back in a sneer. 

“Yeah,” you said. “Me.” Beta roared in anger as he kicked at your stomach, sending you to the ground. Rolling to your feet, you slashed at his leg, cutting into the back of his thigh. Beta stumbled again but remained on his feet. “Did you get my message?” you asked, lowering yourself into a crouch. 

He ran at you again, swinging his blades over your head. Ducking just in time, you avoided decapitation. “What did you do with Gamma?” you asked. 

“Nothing,” Beta said and then braced himself. “Yet.”

As Beta stalked towards you, all you could think about was Jesus and Tara and Laura and everyone else they had taken from you.

Red encompassed your mind as Beta aimed for your heart. With a quick turn, you pivoted on your right foot, ducked under his arms, and brought your sword up along his back. Your blade bit into his flesh as the leather tore. 

Beta yelled out in both pain and alarm as you drew your sword back. He whipped around, landing a blow to your head. You fell to the ground as stars danced in your vision. Beta kicked away your blade as it fell from your hand. Reaching down, he lifted you from the ground and got in your face.

“You are not worth death,” he spat in your face before throwing you against the curb. Your head hit hard and just before the darkness overwhelmed you, you swore you saw Beta smiling.

-------

Negan had no idea what Alpha was up to.

There were cryptic whispers around camp that led him to believe that Alpha had attacked Carol and the others, but he wasn’t sure of anything.

Then there was the Beta problem. Negan had no idea where the human Rottweiler had gone. 

Alpha was across from him, staring into the fire and she looked to be waiting for something. Negan wasn’t exactly sure what it was, but whenever she was that calm, it was never good. Just as he was about to speak up and ask her what was going on, her attention snapped to the shadows as Beta finally reappeared.

Negan watched as the second-in-command arrived and he looked rough. Even in the dark, Negan could see that Beta was injured. If he was being honest with himself, he didn’t think the Terminator douchebag could get injured, let alone bad enough to warrant a limp.

“Beta,” Alpha greeted as she didn’t move from her spot. Beta stopped before her, kneeling on the leg that seemed to be the less injured one.

“Gamma has betrayed us,” Beta reported. He then noticed that Negan was there, but Alpha kept her attention on her second, not caring about who was listening. 

“What happened?” Alpha asked, looking at the fresh blood. 

“She was hiding,” Beta said. “I couldn’t find her. These people are protecting her.” Negan had to hand it to Aaron, the man sure did know how to make friends. Negan continued to listen. 

“And the blood?” Alpha asked tilting her head to examine the wounds he had sustained. Her fingers threaded through the torn jacket and Negan could see the blood on her hands as she pulled it back. “Yours?” she asked, confused. 

“Ambushed,” Beta responded. 

“The archer is with Carol,” Alpha said. “Who else could have done this?” she asked. Clearly Alpha thought that Daryl was the only worthy opponent to go up against Beta, Negan thought. However, she had never seen Rosita when she went all “Mama Bear” and Negan hoped that he himself would never be on the other end of one of Espinosa's fists.

“Broadsword,” Beta bit out, the rage echoing out of him like steam on a train. At that one word, Negan’s blood ran cold. He tucked his hands under his legs before either of them could see the small tremor that was sneaking up on him. Negan fought to keep himself from swearing out loud as he put the pieces together. 

You had attacked Beta and you had nearly defeated him. 

“Are they alive?” Alpha asked casually. 

“For now,” Beta said. “I have plans for them. That one, dies by my hand.” Alpha nodded to him and then dismissed him to get his injured taken care of.

“What do you know about this sword-wielder?” Alpha asked him. Negan met her eyes and then relaxed further into the ground, shrugging one of his shoulders. With a lazy look on his face he vaguely waved a hand. 

Beta huffed and disappeared back into the camp. Negan watched after him, trying to keep it together. He knew that you had placed your sights on Beta, but now the man was turning his on you and that terrified Negan. 

“Absolutely nothing.”

-------

When you woke up, you were in a somewhat familiar room. 

An ache in the back of your head made you wince as you tried to sit up.

“I would take it easy if I were you.” Blinking, you turned towards the soft voice to see Enid standing over you. It was then that you realized you were in the medical trailer at Hilltop. “Here,” she said, reaching for your arm. Enid helped you sit up, placing a few pillows behind your back. 

“What happened?” you asked, trying to get your mind to stop racing.

“Beta knocked you out pretty hard,” she said with a sigh. “You hit your head and you’ve been out for almost two days.”

“Two days?” you asked.

“Siddiq brought you here to keep you off Beta’s radar,” she explained.

“That won’t last long,” you said with another wince as you rubbed at your temples.

Everything from that night was coming back in waves and it was making you feel a bit nauseous. Emotions swelled in your chest as you remembered the rage you felt when attacking Beta and the sorrow and dread you felt as Laura died in your arms.

Beta had done all of that just to find Gamma. A stranger had brought death back to Alexandria and you now had lost someone who truly understood you.

“Laura’s dead,” you whispered.

“I know,” Enid said, reaching for your hand. You squeezed hers back as you sat in silence.

“Where is she?” you asked. “Where is Gamma?” 

“Safe,” a new voice said as Michonne approached you. She was looking at you with concern but also relief. 

“Good,” you said, nodding. If Gamma had been taken or killed, all those lives lost the night Beta stalked Alexandria would have been for nothing. “I’m glad you’re here,” you said to Michonne. 

“We’re all here,” Judith’s voice piped up as she appeared behind her mother. 

“Hey, you,” you said, reaching out a hand to her. Judith walked forward and took your hand in hers. “I almost got him, kid. I was pretty damn close,” you promised her. Judith nodded as Michonne placed her hands on her shoulders.

“There’s something else, (Y/N),” Michonne said. 

“What’s wrong?” 

“Daryl’s missing.” You fell back into your pillows at the news and you fought the urge to scream. You didn’t know how much more of this you could handle. It was starting to look as if Alpha may win and that made you want to beat her that much more.

--------

Holding a mask made from Walker skin was the last thing Negan expected to receive from Alpha.

"You've earned it," Alpha said as she stood next to him. Standing next to her, he could see the blood that streaked her clothing. Something had happened when she went off on her own hours before. Negan figured she had been in a fight, but he couldn’t be sure who she had gone up against. 

He did know that it wasn’t you. Beta was someone who would be a challenge for you, but Negan had a feeling that if you got Alpha one on one, she wouldn’t be standing next to him right now. No, this was someone else. Trying not to think about any of it, he returned to what was in his hands. 

"Why?" Negan asked, not liking the way the leathery skin felt against his calloused hands.

"You were right about Gamma," Alpha said. She then stepped forward and ran her hand down his arm. "She was the spy. You proved yourself to me."

"All I did was share my opinion," Negan pointed out as he met her eyes. Alpha was examining him and Negan knew what she wanted. His hand slipped into his pocket to rub along the marble, keeping his connection to you.

"You showed me that you want this. You are a crass man, but a smart one. The mask proves my loyalty to you as your words proved it to me."

"Well alright then," Negan said with a small smile. With a shake of his head, Negan pulled on the mask and secured it behind his head.

He could appreciate the irony, the act of putting on a mask when he was already wearing one. As soon as it was in place, Alpha reached up and ran her hands over his new face.

"Perfect," she whispered. Negan stared down, afraid of what he may have to do in order to keep his cover. He had done a lot of shitty things in his life, but sleeping with the enemy was not something he was eager to do, not when he still yearned for you and your touch.

The way that you lay your hands on his skin was as if you were searching for solidity kept him sane. He was your rock, grounding you into this world just as you were his. Without you, Negan wouldn't want to survive and he just hoped you hadn't lost that love you held for him because he sure hadn't. 

“Since we are trading trade secrets and all,” Negan began, causing Alpha to stop looming over him. “I had another idea.” 

“Go on,” she said.

“I know you are all about destroying everyone and proving you’re the alpha female. Though it’s not like you need to, you are the damn Alpha.”

“Your point?” she pressed.  

“How about we get them to join us?” Negan offered. “You were right when you said that these places with their walls and doors don’t last very long. I’ve seen many kingdoms fall since this whole shit show started and trust me, it’s only a matter of time. However, we get them to see how much better the way we live is…” Negan splayed his hands. “I’m just saying it would be something to think about.” 

Alpha was silent for a moment, thinking over his words. Negan was just hoping that she didn’t see the true intentions behind this sudden epiphany. The truth was, after Beta had admitted that you had done some serious damage, Negan was not eager for Alpha to exterminate you and your family. 

“What did you have in mind?” Alpha asked finally. Adjusting the mask on his face, Negan grinned at her. 

“I have some ideas.” Alpha raised her eyebrow at that but gestured for him to keep talking. “First, we’re gonna need a big ass tree.”

-------

Enid had finally cleared you and you were eager to get back on your feet. 

Walking out into the bright sunshine, Hilltop was bustling around you. You felt as if you had the worst hangover in history, but you pushed on. Dianne was on watch, Alden was over at his blacksmithing station, and you could see Ezekiel over at Barrington speaking to Kelly who looked distraught. 

Aaron spotted you then and jogged over. “Hey, you’re okay,” he said, grabbing you into a hug. 

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine,” you said, pushing him back. “What happened while I was out?” you asked, gesturing to Kelly. Aaron sighed, running his hand through his curls. 

“Alpha, she trapped us in this cave full of Walkers. Her entire horde was down there,” he said. “We managed to find the exit, but…”

“But what?” you pressed.

“Carol tried to take out the horde with some old dynamite,” he said. “The explosion caused part of the cave to collapse.” The look on Aaron’s face told you enough. 

“Who?”

“Magna and Connie are trapped down there and we don’t know if they’re even alive,” he said. You hadn’t known Magna that well, but you liked her enough. However, Connie had become someone you turned to at times and you knew how much Daryl cared about her. Not to mention her sister who was her everything. This was too much after just losing Laura and now two more may be down.

“Are you okay?” you asked him. 

“Not really,” he admitted. You took him back into your arms, hugging him tightly. 

“Me neither,” you admitted, sinking into the embrace. 

“Open the gates!” you heard Dianne yell from her spot up top. You and Aaron split apart then and with a look, you both took off towards the main gate. 

You let out a breath of relief as you saw who was walking into Hilltop. Daryl and Lydia leaned on each other as the gates shut behind him. Daryl seemed dead on his feet as Lydia struggled with both of their weapons. You ran forward and grabbed the crossbow from her as Aaron took hold of Daryl. 

“Daryl fought her,” Lydia said as she breathed heavily. Daryl’s leg was bleeding, and he looked as if he had been run over by the horse and the carriage. Michonne came running behind you, helping Lydia stay on her feet. 

“You’re a moron,” you said to Daryl, grabbing at his face. “But I love you.” Daryl snorted and then you were taking his other arm and helping him to Enid. Lydia followed close by as Michonne carried her staff for her. “I’m sorry, Lydia,” you said to her. “I shouldn’t have asked you to go looking.”

“It was my decision,” Lydia defended. “I didn’t find him, but we have a new problem.” You, Aaron, Michonne, and Daryl all looked at her then. 

“What is it?” Michonne asked. Lydia grimaced. 

“My mother’s coming.”

TAGS: @lucillethings​ @cameronsails​ @stark-dreams​ @amaroho​ @thanossexual​ @yes-sir-hotchner​ @boom-bunny​ @delusionalteenagewhispers​ @scootankle​ @ritajammer21​ @writteriguess​ @tea-atfive​ @jennydehavilland​ @waspyyy​ @yespleasejayhalstead​ @hoemadegrace​ @writingdeadangel​ @huffledor-able541​ @pulplorrd​ @felicisimor​ 

[groovycatcollector]

The Wonderfully Right, And The Horribly Wrong (Daryl Dixon Love story)

Summery: After losing her brother and his wife, one young woman is left on her own, caring for a new born and trying to survive. After being taken in to a community after years of mistrust, how will she adapt, and what effect will a certain archer have on her. Starts the last episode of season 5

Warnings: slow-burn, angst, eventual fluff, violence, strong language. ptsd, age gap

Pairings: Daryl Dixon x OFC

Chapter 11

I wake again with the usual start, but this time immediately regretting sitting up straight, the banging in my head making my lie back down. The second thing I felt was my foul dryness in my mouth, then I heard a soft whimper of the baby. I reached an arm out to rub his stomach, feeling it fall down, I peeped an eye open to see I was on the couch not my bed. Hhm, odd.

I slowly sat up, wondering where Cain was and seeing a light on in the kitchen I crept over trying to keep my feet soft so I wouldn’t make any noise.

Still slightly hungover I squinted at the light, and saw a peculiar sight, a sweet sight really. Daryl was rocking my nephew, feeding him a bottle. He looked comfortable holding a baby.

I leaned agents the archway, feeling something bubble in my chest. “What are you doing with my baby Dixon?” I asked, rubbing one eye that still refused to let go of sleep my body so rudely awaken me from. I smiled lazily looking at Daryl shushing Cain to be quiet. He looked up, still looking a bit tipsy with rosy cheeks and a half smile. We kept drinking long after we strolled back.

People had brought over small gifts, some pickled food, and some small jars of wine which were now empty. I was shocked to see people be exited for a baptism, I knew I small talked with most people. I had helped stich up a few people and momentarily watched a few kids here and there but I didn’t think people even knew I was here.

Daryl’s lips curled into a crooked smile “Ahh, Natasha” He wrinkled his nose, slurring the last syllable of my name. I barley grumbled a ‘Piss off’ before grabbing a glass and gulping down three of water. The water felt sweep and stopped my tongue sticking to my pallet. I filled it again and held it up for Daryl, which made up do an awkward ‘swap you a baby for a glass of water’ dance.

I bounced Cain, wanting him to keep the heavy sleepiness so he could pass out soon enough, pretending not to watch him drinking down the water. Obviously he noticed and smiling he asked “What?” I smiled back “You got a bit of ugly on your face” Daryl raised an eyebrow before walking past me towards the couch. I followed.

I watched as he took a seat, stretching out his arms over the top of the sofa. I sat next to him, being careful to not wake Cain “I have a question” He announced, like he was proud of himself. “If you’re real names Natasha, why did you say your name was Nina?” He looked like he just found my deepest secret, that he had deeply outsmarted me.

I rolled my eyes, I used to get this all the time when I was younger. “My baba called me Natasha out of this old book, but my older sister Mary-Grace couldn’t say it because she was only two or three, so she called me Nina and it stuck” I had rehearsed that line so many time before, when it was still important. He nodded, implying that it was satisfactory. I suddenly felt a chill over my arms, and pulled Cain closer to me.

I pointed behind at the woollen blanket next to Daryl “Could you grab that? Im freezing” For a second he looked bewildered, before reaching behind and lied it on my legs. I pulled Cain up so his head was by my shoulder and adjusted the blanket. I mumbled a thank you before closing my eye, but Daryl had other ideas.

I felt half the blanked come away with a tug, leaving my left side completely uncovered. “I’m fucking cold too kid, don’t be an asshole” He was still slurring his words a bit, but now I couldn’t tell if it was the drink or his accent. We sleepily wrestled about the partition of the blanket, before decided to just sit closer together. Apparently using the argument of “I have a young baby that will freeze to death and then eat you” worked on a drunk archer.

 I barley remember falling back asleep but this time I woke up slowly, my eyes unopened, and listened to Carols muffled footsteps upstairs. I slept well, slept well for the first time in a while. My eyes still closed I shifted, on hand still on Cain’s back, and I snuggled myself into the warmth.

Warmth…

Oh shit.

Fuck now I felt it, the side of my face smushed into a chest and the arm curled around my waist. I must have leaned into him in my sleep. Shit what do I do? If I move I’ll wake him up, not that I want to, I’m pretty comfy -Oh sweet jesus I can’t be thinking like this he’s my friend. This will probably be very awkward when he wakes up, should I move ? Can I move ?

I reluctantly peeked an eye open and glanced around the room. It was already light out, light enough to be at the infirmary, defiantly missed helping Maggie then. I allowed myself to shift my head up a little, to see Daryl sound asleep. He looked a lot younger actually, and his hair all ruffled up like that was sweet- Nina whats wrong with you leave him alone.

He smelt good, like oak and something distinctly man Fuck sakes Nina not the time. Oh god I’m proper snuggled up to him, he was warm. I felt my cheeks flare up, and his steady heartbeat was drowned out by the blood pumping in my ears. Stop thinking about how warm he is and how sweet he looks and how he smells just so good and think danmmit !

Okay, actually how about he deals with the awkwardness of waking the other one first. I’ll just close my eyes, pretend I’m asleep, and let him deal with it.

Yeah … Good idea.

 I drifted off again, leaning into the comfort of a loose hug. This time I woke up alone, to Cain whimpering on my chest, then feeling his weight lift from me I sat up completely alert. Carol stood over me looking a bit shocked before relaxing with a smile, easing a bottle into Cain’s mouth.  

I thanked her, before grabbing some breakfast, well lunch now. Carol still held onto Cain after I’d splashed my face in an attempt to wake myself up .“Daryl’s on a run with Rick” She chimed in from behind me. Oh god, She must have seen us on the couch, Or after we came back from my little walk. Oh fuck she must think I’m a right perv… or maybe she didn’t? Maybe that’s what friends do in an apocalypse?

I rolled my sleeves up before taking Cain back. “Thanks again for last night, it was nice to let off some steam” I smiled, hoping and praying that she hadn’t seen. Her eyes narrowed for a spilt second before her face softened into a smile “It wasn’t any trouble, gives us an excuse for a few drinks”

I looked down at my boots, trying to distract myself from the embarrassment that had washed over the back of my neck “Yeah, ehh sorry about going a bit crazy”. She laughed at that  

 **

 “How’s the head Ms Natasha?” Denis sang with a half-smile, looking far too amused with herself. I put Cain down in the corner “Jesus how does everyone know that’s my first name?” I huffed. Denis laughs before clearing her throat and putting on a god awful Russian accent.

“You’re not cutting me off, Natasha Ilyinichna Irena Lebedev Price can handle her drink, she is true Russian”

I stared at her in shock, thank god I wasn’t holding the baby because I would have dropped him right there. “I did not” I barely got out a whisper. She handed me a cup of coffee, giving me a look of no sympathy. “You did”

I slowly sat down on the bed, it wasn’t the worst thing I’ve done drunk. One time I flashed my tits to a police officer, who didn’t press charges thank god.

I sipped the coffee, wincing a little at its bitterness but drinking it knowing I’ll need the energy today.

The day was actually pretty normal considering how unusual it started. Did the routine, gossiped a little about the people last night, about Carol and Tobin, when rick and Michonne would get together, how red Glenn’s face got when he drank ect.

I was boiling the equipment to sterilize them when Denis gave me a look, a look that I give to Carl whenever I figure he’s been screwing around with Enid. She fumbled with her hands for a second, leaning agents the counter next to me. “What?” I asked, raising an eyebrow.

She hummed, looking around the room. “Remember how I said that I thought you and Daryl had a thing?” Oh shit. I nodded slowly “Yeah, what about it?” I was careful with my words, not wanting to give away how intrested I actually was on the matter.

Okay, maybe I have a tiny crush.

Denise simply cocked her head at me, like I was supposed to know where this conversation was going. I looked back, waiting for her to finish her sentence.

The doctor cleared her throat before straightening up “You guys were just pretty friendly that’s all”

My eyes followed her “I don’t kno-“my undoubtedly-would-have-been witty response was cut short by something moving in my peripheral vision, instinctively making my hand go to the knife in my pocket.

“Why ar-“I put my hand up to silence her, keeping my eye on the back room.

Could be someone just looking for help, but could be a rotter. Denisse eyes follow mine as I crept into the back room only to see Cain.

I let out a sigh of relief before glancing back, he was in a different spot to where I put him.

Thankfully Denise was there to fill in the blanks “Holy shit he’s crawling”

I froze, my eyes fixated on the clumsy movements while he moved closer toward us before stumbling a little and flopping onto his stomach.

I let out a hearty laugh before stooping down to pick him look from his armpits. Holy shit, my baby’s crawling. “Hey look what you did” I cooed, looking into his his (literal) baby blues.

**

 I burst through the door into the house dizzy with excitement and placed Cain onto the wooden floor.  I wanted to see it again.

“What are you doing?” I quickly shushed Carol, who stamped passed me to close the door into the night. Carol let out a little squeak seeing Cain flop forward again and begin to drag himself toward Daryl, who sat on a stool near the kitchen.

I gasped, still shocked at his new skill. “Aren’t you just the cleverest little thing !” Carol exclaimed, picking him up once he fell again, nearly mirroring my reaction. I chuckled bringing my figure up to rub under his chin.  “He’s gonna be the next Usain Bolt I betcha”

 **

It was just me and Daryl playing a game of poker on the couch that evening. I had put Cain down after his feed about twenty minutes ago and Carol had gone to see Tobin when she thought none of us would notice.

Honestly we were both a bit awkward once it was only us, so Daryl offered a game. It helped, we were back to our usual snarky remarks and sideways glances after the first round. Neither one of us had mentioned this morning, which was fine.

Totally fine.

…

Maybe I wanted to talk about it, maybe I wanted to know how he felt about it.

…

Maybe Denis was right and I had a major crush.

His laugh brought me out of over thinking. His eyes lit up as placed a full house down in front of my eyes. “Awh fuck you Dixon” I snarled, trying to force down a laugh at his exited face. Daryl’s green eyes scrunched up with joy “You’re just Jealous Dolly that you’re crap at this game” My chest fluttered with the new nickname.

He was right. I was crap.

“Dolly?” I grumbled, giving him an eye while I reshuffled the cards. “Like Dolly Parton?” He smiled again, I don’t think I’ve ever seen him smile so much. I liked it.

Daryl didn’t even get an answer out before I joked “Just because of the blonde hair and big tits?” My turn to smile. Daryl’s ears turned a bright red before shaking his head. “Nah” His eyes were not fixated on his cards, his long fingers fumbling trying to put them in order. “You’re just always singing her that’s all”

I hummed, accepting that excuse. But it was definitely because of my blonde hair and tits.

We were quiet for a time, focusing on the game, and once it became clear that I was once again going to lose I tried to distract him “How was the run today?” I asked, looking up from my cards to see his brow furrowed in concentration.

He took a moment to respond. “Shit, found a big truck full of supplies that ended up in a lake”

That took me back and I let my cards go limp. Daryl’s shoulders slumped a little, obviously not something he wanted to talk about.

We played for another round before my nattering was interrupted with a  sudden question.

“Do you want to stay?” Daryl didn’t look at me, kept his eyes fixated on his cards I scanned his face, wondering why he was asking. I dropped my cards, suddenly feeling the room become serious. “Well I want Cain to grow up safe, and Denise needs me in the infirmary and-“ He cut me off “I know a roamer when I see one Nina” His chest rose and fell

“You’re saying you have to stay, but do you want to?” He looked at me, his eyes filled with something, something close to desperation.

The same desperation that was reflected mine the past few days. I let out a shaky breath, feeling myself my heart thumping in my chest “I’m starting to” his eyes darted down to my lips for a fraction, and I bit my own. We just sat there looking at each other for what felt like a lifetime, my mind racing and stopping at the same time.

I don’t know who leaned in first or whose hands reached out first but in an instant our lips met, and his hand was on my cheek. It was slow, like neither one of us was sure it was a good idea, but perusing anyways. 

Tags:https://tmblr.co/mJ8tAevvokZdRi9HxEHeCrw

Part one Part two Part three Part four Part five Part six Part seven Part eight Part nine Part ten 

[matrixaffiliate]

Quarry

Chapter Update! FFN and AO3

And we're back, with four chapters as promised! I'm working hard to make sure that everything goes up when it's supposed to, but I recently became a multi-grade school teacher for the rest of the school year on top of everything else, so be warned that I might not be balancing my plates as well as I think I am. Next chapters should go up on April 25th.

Chapter 61

Marlene:

This was a dream. It had to be. Having her mum here after everything that happened to get them to Godric's Hollow made Marlene's emotions spin around themselves in her heart.

"Are you sure you don't want your own rooms?" James frowned.

"I've been deprived of my daughters for months. I'd just end up in their rooms anyway, your Majesty. Marlene's bed is plenty big enough for two people."

Marlene almost choked on her mother's words and Sirius winked at her.

"If you're sure," James looked at all the chests that had been brought in and Sirius chuckled.

"You'll have plenty to do with all of these. His Majesty and I will see you all at dinner then."

Sirius brushed his hand along the back of her waist before he pulled a reluctant James away from kissing Lily's hand and out the door.

"Now," her mum took a seat and opened one of Lily's chests, "Tell your dear mother what in the world has happened."

"It's a long story," Marlene hedged.

"It'll pass the time," Marlene heard the no-nonsense edge in her mother's voice.

"It'll be fun, Marly," Lily opened another chest and smiled when she found one of her favorite gowns.

Fun for Lily maybe, but Marlene didn't necessarily want her mother to know how poorly she'd done as Lily's guardian.

"Why don't you start at the beginning?" Elspeth smiled at Marlene.

Thankfully, Lily did just that. Marlene was never so grateful that Lily had been more or less oblivious to much of what had gone on between Sirius and herself. But that didn't make Lily's description of the attack at the Ottery border or the one in Enid any easier to hear. Especially with what happened yesterday. The whole telling seemed only to solidify in Marlene's mind how much she failed as Lily's guardian. How selfish she was and how it had put her charge in mortal danger more than once.

"So, now that James knows I love him," Lily continued, "I think he'll go back to the way things were before Enid. Though we might have to discuss what happens next."

Marlene smirked, "If the man can't figure out what happens next then I might smack him upside the head."

"Please," Lily rolled her eyes, "With you and Sirius practically modeling it for him when we walk out of his study it's not going to be a hard jump. But I'm talking about the politics of it."

Marlene felt her face get hot and she kept her gaze focused on the gown she was hanging in Lily's wardrobe. Up until that moment, Lily had left out the fact that Marlene and Sirius were far more than traveling companions.

"I think that does it for all of your things, Lily," Marlene heard her mum close the other wardrobe. "Why don't you rest while Marlene and I take care of her things."

Lily yawned and Marlene turned to see her rubbing her eyes. "I am a bit worn down now that you mention it. Must be from all the excitement of yesterday. I'll take a quick kip and then help the two of you with the rest."

"Of course, dear. Let her rest, Marlene." Elspeth strode out the door and Marlene watched Lily curl up under her covers before she slipped out the door and shut it quietly.

"You made her tired." Marlene faced her mum.

"Yes, I wanted to talk to you and this won't hurt her feelings nor put you in a spot of trying to decide if she's safe or not while we talk privately." She sat on Marlene's bed and patted the space next to her. "Come, sit with me."

Marlene wanted to groan. It was like she was ten-years-old again. But she did move to sit next to her mother.

To Marlene's surprise, her mum wrapped her in a hug and held her close for several quiet moments.

"I have missed you, so very much," Were her mum's whispered words that broke the silence.

"I've missed you too." Marlene bit back the threatening tears. "Back when I moved into the palace with Lily, I hated not being with you and Dad and Catherine."

"I'm proud of you," Elspeth pulled back, "You've done more than anyone had the right to ask of you. You've become an amazing woman, my Marly."

Marlene shook her head, "I've all but failed, Mum. I've let my selfishness put her in danger. I've been careless and left myself incapable of protecting her, and when I wasn't incapacitated I was the reason why others were suffering. I was the wrong choice for her guardian."

Her mum blinked at her before shaking her head. "Oh, Marly, you've got it all wrong."

"You weren't there," Marlene protested, "I came dangerously close to leaving Lily unprotected in Ottery. Lily tells a pretty story but the fact is that without Sirius and James she would have been without protection for days, maybe weeks, maybe forever. And at Enid, she would have died if not for Sirius taking the hit for her. And yesterday..."

"Marlene," her mum put her hands on her shoulders, "I need you to listen very closely. Making you Lily's guardian was a political move that your father had to keep me from killing people for even suggesting it. The magic users wanted to protect Lily from Petunia, they weren't worried about anyone else. The noblemen who came up with the idea thought it would give us an inside view of the changes Petunia was making while also tying Petunia's hands with Lily's fate. None of them thought you'd ever need to actually uphold your oath. They badgered your father and me for months over it and when we continued to refuse they made a move to approach you directly but your dad intercepted them. That's when he took you aside and explained what that option looked like." Her mum smiled, "We didn't count on you being for the idea."

Marlene stared at her mum in shock. "You and Dad didn't want me to become Lily's guardian?"

"We didn't realize how loyal you were to our little princess." Elspeth smiled at her fondly. "When your dad explained the sacrifices you'd make, everything you'd lose, we thought you'd say no. But you agreed to it all if it kept Lily safe. And before we could really try and talk you out of it, Petunia demanded Lily's return. If I could go back I'd have fought for more time from Petunia. I would have pushed for all of us to lie and say we'd made you her guardian when we hadn't. I'd change so much if I could, my Marly."

Marlene stared at her mother as the words washed over her.

"I'm so sorry, Marlene. If anyone has failed, it's me. I failed you."

"No," Marlene shook her head, "you didn't fail me! You and Dad, you're the reason I thought I could do this in the first place."

Elspeth gave Marlene a watery smile and pulled her into a hug. For a long time, they held each other, and Marlene let herself bask in the feeling of being ten-years-old wrapped in her mother's embrace.

"On to happier things then," Her mum said when they finally pulled back, "tell me about Sirius,"

Marlene sighed, "I'm a fool."

Her mum shook her head, "I don't think so. He looks at you like you're the brightest star in the sky."

"I let myself fall in love with him and that's why I almost froze to death yesterday, and why he almost died in Enid, and why I killed a man at the Ottery border."

"That's a very different story from what Lily told me just moments ago."

"Well, Lily doesn't seem to be able to see me as I actually am." Marlene summoned a chest to her feet and started sorting through her things.

"Or maybe you're being too hard on yourself."

Marlene felt those words hit her square in the chest, but she pushed them away and focused on her point.

"Sirius is wonderful. I love him. I want to be with him. But we don't get that unless James and Lily end up married, and yesterday I let Lily wanting to tell James she loved him be my excuse for putting us in danger. What if it had been Lily who started to freeze? What if James had broken his neck when his horse kicked him off? What if we hadn't been able to build a shelter? I wanted so much to have Sirius that I risked our lives for it, Mum!"

"And what about the rest of your little group? James and Sirius knew the risks better than you did. They grew up here. Wouldn't this be their fault?"

Marlene bristled. "They had no way of knowing the storm would engulf us."

"Just like you?" Her mum smiled at her and Marlene looked down at the little dagger in her hand.

"Please, Marlene, give yourself some credit. Believe that you are good. Believe you are capable. Believe that not everything is your fault. And most important," her mother's hands wrapped around her own, "believe that it's good for you to be happy. If that happiness is with Sirius, don't give up on it. And most importantly, don't talk yourself out of it."

Marlene felt the tears threatening and squeezed the small sheathed dagger.

"What if it all falls apart? What if it gets us both killed? What if it kills Lily and James?"

"What if you got to live happily ever after?" Her mum slipped the dagger from her hands. "What if it gave you the happiness your father and I failed to protect for you?"

Marlene felt the first tear slide down her cheek.

"You are worth your own happiness, my Marly."

Her hold on her emotions broke and Marlene willingly curled into her mother's arms. For the first time in her short twenty years, Marlene chose to believe that she had worth outside of her abilities and that she could have happiness. Even if it didn't look the way she might have thought it would originally, even if it wasn't what the world around her thought she should have, even if it made the history books in the worst way, she was going to choose her own happiness.

[txladyj-blog]

This Time Around - Chapter 29

A Daryl Dixon x OFC collaboration written by @xmistressmistrustx​ by request of @txladyj-blog​

Rating: Explicit

Relationship: Daryl Dixon/Original Female Character

Tags: Friendship, Friends to Lovers, Awkwardness, Awkward Flirting, Awkward Crush, Fluff and Humor, Angst and Humor, Mild Smut, Strong Language, Eventual Sex, Eventual Romance, Slow Burn, Canon Divergence, Some Canon Scenes and Dialogue

Chapters 30/?

Exhaustion was not the word. In fact, there wasn’t a strong enough word that Jess could pluck out of the air to explain how tired everyone was when they finally rolled back through the gates. The sun was high in the sky and she could tell that Rick and Deanna were on the verge of sending out a search party by the look of the small gathering of worried faces on Deanna’s front lawn.

Enid was the first to climb from the car, followed by Carl, who was promptly swept into Rick’s arms after he’d sprinted across the lawn and path to the gate. Following Rick, was Carol who wasted no time in approaching Daryl and draping her arms over his shoulders. He returned her embrace and Jess sheepishly watched from the other side of the car. She didn’t see such a thing often, or ever, when she really thought about it. Daryl wasn’t a hugger; he’d said it himself. But he made exceptions for Jess and now, as far as she could tell, for Carol too. When he dropped his arms and walked to the car’s trunk, he flung it open and retrieved his crossbow, turning to find that Carol was not satisfied with one hug and no explanation and she was hovering around him with an angry glare.

“Where did you go?! We were worried.” She demanded.

“The girl got taken. Those assholes that attacked this place. Had to go get her.” Was his short and basic reply.

“Oh god, is everybody okay?” She looked around and with her eyes, quickly scanned Carl and Enid, who was awkwardly standing on the side-lines and hugging her torso. Then, she noticed Jess from under her hood, and the harsh bruise across her cheekbone.

“Jess! What happened?!” She cried, surging past Daryl and reaching out to push her hood back. Jess flinched and jolted backwards, swerving out of her reach.

“Oh, I got slapped. It looks worse than it is.” She dismissed, grabbing her backpack from the trunk and throwing it over one shoulder.

“That looks very sore.” Carol mentioned.

“I’ve had more troublesome zits. Honestly, it’s fine.” She assured her.

A light tap on her shoulder saw her flinch again, her uneasiness down to the sudden attention and stares she was receiving. Apparently, their absence had been noticed by most of the town. Enid lowered her hand and twisted it inside the sleeve of her dirty hoodie

“Thank you, guys.” She said quietly. “For coming to get me.”

“Sure. Maybe you should stay inside the walls now from now on though, hmm?” Jess suggested, horrified by the thought of her getting recaptured. Enid, clearly traumatized by her ordeal didn’t have to agree, a slight nod of her head told Jess that she wasn’t likely to be going on another solo jaunt anytime soon.

“Hey, if you need me, just let me know. If you need to get out you can come to the fairground.” She proposed as she took hold of the girls sleeve covered hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze. A subtle but genuinely thankful smile was all Enid could manage before she backed away and started walking along the sidewalk.

“Enid, wait.” Carl called out. But before he went to her, he broke away from Rick, veered over to a puzzled Jess and took a quick glance over his shoulder in case anybody was listening. By that point, people were gathering around Daryl, who was being forced into explaining the ins and outs of everything they’d endured for the last day. Jess caught Aaron’s eye across the crowd and he stared, wide-eyed at her cheek and mouthed the words ‘are you okay?’ at her. She nodded and waved him off, replying in the same way and telling him she’d catch him later.

“Jess” Carl whispered “I wanna tell her. I think I have a good shot now.”

“Well, you did blow a guys head off for her. I think so too.” She grinned. The pulling of the tissue in her face when she smiled made the swelling of her bruise thrum with pain, but she pushed it aside.

“How do I know if she likes me back? What if she doesn’t say anything?” he fretted.

“Look at her eyes.” She told him. “When we’re around someone we love, or that we’re attracted to, our pupils dilate. But, Carl…this stuff, it doesn’t happen overnight when it’s complicated by a third person being in the mix. It’s a process and you’ve started it by being there for her and protecting her. She does have a boyfriend and unless she tells you otherwise, you can’t really make a move. Be honest, but respect the boundaries. Got it?”

“Got it. Thanks, for everything.” He said sincerely.

“Don’t be stupid. Go on, now. She’s waiting for you.”

Carl immediately spun around and walked over to Enid and Jess felt a strange sense of pride when she overheard him ask her if he could walk her home. Feeling someone’s eyes on her, she checked the group of people to her left to find Daryl watching her as Rick, Deanna, Carol and Aaron all discussed the information he’d given them.

She held a thumb out and used it to gesture to the gate and he understood that she was telling him that she’d had enough, she was heading home. He wound his way around the group and paced back and forth a couple of times, not content with Jess wandering around alone after everything they’d just been through. Carol noticed his unsettled demeanor and broke away from the others as he started to walk towards the gate, following on after Jess when she disappeared from sight. Carol broke into a jog, tapping his arm and halting him before he left the compound. He turned to find a solid smirk on her face and her lips pursed. She said nothing and her shoulders swished back and forth slightly, as if she were expecting a golden piece of gossip and couldn’t hold back her excitement.

“What?” Daryl sighed.

“You kissed her yet?” She asked boldly.

Daryl huffed to himself but didn’t speak a word, his eyes and body language conveying everything as he shifted from one foot to the other and pushed his lips into a thin line. With one hand on his crossbow strap, the other toyed nervously with a hole in the side seam of his dirty, ripped jeans. Carol could see his ears turning pink and she’d never been so proud of him.

“You have” She stated with a wink.

“Y’know, if money was still a thing, I could have bet a hundred bucks that you were gonna ask me that.” Daryl relayed in exasperation. When Carol was on a mission, she rarely backed down and had her ways of getting what she wanted. Too many people had underestimated her intelligence and cunning. But not Daryl, he knew Carol better than anyone.

“I’m proud of you, Pookie.” She beamed.

“Shut up.” He grunted with a thin layer of amusement.

“Go get her.” She told him as she walked backwards to join the others. “I’ll see you later.”

“Later.” He called back.

*

Jess was pushing through the undergrowth and shoving branches aside when she heard Daryl approach. She didn’t bother to turn around or acknowledge his presence at first, she was concentrating too hard on getting back to the fairground, to her comfortable clothing and bucket of clean water to wash the dust and mud from her skin. More than anything else, she just wanted her bed and she didn’t care one single iota that it was the middle of the afternoon.

“Shouldn’t be out here alone no more.” He heard him express from behind her.

She didn’t stop walking, her boots crunching and snapping twigs under foot as she pressed on. It had been expected, the idea that no one, especially females, should be seen alone outside the walls now a group of armed and dangerous men had been humiliated by having something precious stolen from right under their noses. But Jess wasn’t phased in the slightest. To her, the danger was no more relevant now than it ever had been before.

“In case you hadn’t noticed. I’m a certified badass now.” She boasted. The fencing to her home loomed over the tall bushes in the distance and she’d not been so glad to see it since after the attack on Alexandria

“Never said ya wasn’t.” He felt the need to say, assuring her of his belief in her ability to take care of herself. He hadn’t followed her because he thought she was incapable; he’d followed her for his own peace of mind. That, and the more he’d had to face the notion of losing her and seeing her hurt over the passing weeks, the more he was realizing how deep his feelings really stretched.

“I’m so tired I feel like my eyeballs might fall out of my head and my bones are made of pure dust. I need a shower and around six months of sleep, but sure, follow me home. I don’t mind. Really!” She rambled. Reaching the gate, she unlocked it and wandered inside, shooting him a knowing look while stepping to one side and allowing him inside.

I’m going to sleep if you’re here or not, buddy. But if you want to curl up with me, I won’t say no.

Ignoring her blatant sarcasm, he followed her to the diner, through the door and dropped his tired body onto the edge of the bed, listening to her potter around and clean up. His eyes were heavy and his body ached, the cuts and scrapes on his arms were also starting to sting but he told himself he would deal with them in due course, he had other priorities to handle in the meantime. On the table by the bed, he picked up a piece of white, nylon twine. It was partially braided, neatly and with precision until halfway along, where it had frayed and been abandoned. He set about rectifying it, his problem-solving mind taking to the small task quickly and welcoming something else to focus on aside from how tired he was.

Eventually Jess sank down beside him on the bed and yawned. He noted her sweatpants and loose T-shirt. She most definitely was ready for bed and it wasn’t even dark yet. She observed his fiddly task as he braided the twine and took one of his hands in hers. Her skin was soft and warm and he wanted to hold onto her and snuggle into her like never before but he pushed his urges away and remained stoic. She ran her fingertips over the littering of small cuts across his palms.

“Should really get these cleaned up.” She mused.

“I will.” He mumbled, stealing a glance at her. “How’s the cheekbone?”

She tilted her head back and lowered her eyes, frowning at the result it presented.

“Well, I can see it without a mirror and that can’t be good. I’ll put something cold on it tonight.” She said. Having not had much time to pay any attention to how she might look, it dawned on her that her face must look horrendous for Carol and Aaron to notice it at a distance. She could see for herself that it was swollen and discolored, but to be able to detect the blurry outline of it whenever she looked down meant that her current appearance didn’t bear thinking about. “Heeeey, you guys!” She exclaimed in a deep and slurred voice, hoping that Daryl would catch onto the reference and she wouldn’t have to explain her joke to him.

“You do not look like Sloth. Don’t be an idiot.” He muttered before bringing the twine to his mouth and gripping it with his teeth to tighten it. She decided there and then that she liked him even more for having seen The Goonies and clicking onto her joke so quickly.

Her eyes moved down to his arms. Smeared with dirt and blood and shiny with sweat. She didn’t know how he could look as though he’d been dragged through a swamp but still managed to completely captivate her until she was almost drooling. He certainly was attractive, unconventionally and in a rough and ready kind of way, but knowing the man under the exterior only enforced it.

“You don’t want to go and get some rest?” She enquired.

“Wanna hang around a while, make sure we ain't been followed. You livin’ out here all alone, it ain't such a good idea. Need to keep you around in case ya need to save my life again.”

The last part of his sentence lingered in her head, echoing back and forth and she wondered why he would say such a thing. She hadn’t saved his life back at the college. In fact, the only time she had recently, without doubt, saved his life was when he’d been shot. She remembered Denise’s words while sitting by his bedside with Rick.

‘Guys, he’s not going to make it if I don’t get some blood in him and soon.’

“What do you mean?” She asked

His lips parted and a small breath caught in his throat. He knew he was about to tread on thin ice but he needed to know why she neglected to tell him such a significant piece of information.

“Got your blood in my veins. Can’t just let ‘em have ya.” He uttered.

She stared at the side of his head. His eyes were lowered to his hands where he still fiddled with the twine. He was refusing to look at her. Her stomach lurched. She tried to find the words, tried to come out with something that might help her explain herself but all she felt was dread. She never wanted him to feel indebted. To her, she’d simply helped him out when he needed it. But she was well aware that his train of thought was not akin to hers.

“You know about that.” Was all she could say.

“Yup. Carol. She thought I knew. I should have known. You should have told me.” He said sadly. “Why didn’t you?”

She shrugged wordlessly and lifted her hands in a motion that told Daryl she was searching for some kind of explanation herself. It did little to fill him with confidence.

“Wasn’t much to tell.” She blurted out. Daryl’s eyebrows pinched together and he felt himself flush with anger.

Not much to fuckin’ tell?! Is she playin’ with me right now? She saved my god damn life and she thinks there ain't much to tell?!

“You just needed a top up and I happened to have some spare. That’s all.” She added nonchalantly.

Then, he turned his head and looked at her blasé expression. His face hardened and she could sense he was growing angrier by the second. She may not have wanted him to think much of it, but it was becoming evident that he already did.

“Don’t do that.” He warned her.

“What? Do what?” She asked innocently.

“Don’t you dare fuckin’ trivialize it like that. Carol told me everythin’. She said you almost passed out and I know I’d be dead if it wasn’t for you. Why didn’t you tell me, Jess?”

“Alright! Just…don’t get mad at me. Please. We are both too tired for that crap.” She pleaded as she changed position on the edge of the bed, turning her body to face him. “I didn’t say anything because I know what you’re like with accepting help. I didn’t want you to feel like you owed me anything or you needed to thank me. I don’t want any of that. I just wanted you to be okay and you are and that’s all that matters.”

“But Jess…I do” He said softly. His tone had changed dramatically and she wanted to hug him for trying to understand instead of flying off the handle and being impulsive “I do owe you-”

“-No! See! No. You Don’t.” She interrupted with one finger extended at him “I couldn’t sit around and wait for you to die when I had what was needed to help you. Don’t make this a big deal. You’ve saved my ass more times than I can count. It was nothing, do you hear me?”

He didn’t know what to say and the seconds turned into long, drawn-out minutes. Jess fiddled with the edge of her T-shirt, rolling up the hem and letting it down again. She held her fingers to her face under her eye and winced at the pain. It was all she could do not to focus on how mortified she was at how he’d forced her to be so honest.

“I get it” She heard him say eventually “If it was you…I’d do the same thing.”

“So, you can’t be mad at me for not telling you.” She threw in, hoping that whatever he was feeling was not going to manifest into an irate barrage of questions and a telling off. When he rested a hand on her knee and sighed deeply, she told herself that maybe just maybe, she should give up assuming things about Daryl and just wait for him to surprise her, although that was easier said than done.

“I ain’t mad ‘atcha. Just don’t want ya to keep shit from me. You don’t want me to owe ya, fine, I won’t. But you gotta know that I’m grateful. More than you know.”

Her thoughts began to bustle in her head. So many ideas and notions, explanations that had no foundations. Jess was an overthinker when it came to such affairs and being exhausted wasn’t helping. She tried to keep herself in check, to follow a more logical train of thought rather than letting her emotions take over. But self-doubt was also playing a part and as she thought back over their last kiss and their conversation in the fairground, she couldn’t help but wonder;

Is this why he’s been so into me? Is this why he started that conversation? Is this why he kissed me the way he did before Carl turned up? Because he was…grateful?!

“I um, I’m not keeping anything else from you.” She lied “Can we just move on from this now?”

She suffered the weight of the things she hadn’t told him and didn’t plan on admitting. Mainly, that she was so in love with him that she could barely think about anything else.

“K” He grumbled. “M’sorry I was a dick in the car yesterday”

Reassured that the subject was over and done with, she resigned herself to the fact that he wasn’t going to be leaving anytime soon and if she was completely truthful, she just wanted to sleep.

“It’s okay. I wasn’t exactly polite either.” She responded.

“Just didn’t want my best friend to get killed.” He added.

It hit her like a freight train. Jess was certain she could feel a piece of her heart crumble away at the words. It was everything she didn’t want to hear, but should have been happy to nonetheless. Unable to help feeling totally crushed by being labelled as his best friend and nothing more, she put on the bravest face she could but felt the resentment swelling deep inside her. She’d held out for so long, hoping that one day, he would tell her that the reason he kissed her was because he liked her or, she would never be able to trust what was happening and now, she felt like her paranoia and overthinking was justified; he was probably only kissing her because it was a way to occupy his time, have a little fun and thank her for saving his life.

“Best friend? Are we in 5th grade?” She complained. Her thinly veiled irritation rolled off of her tongue and she could barely control it.

“Forget it.” He scoffed.

“No, I’m serious. Should we have matching bracelets or something? I could make some, decorate them with little seashells. It’d be cute.” She snipped.

Part of her didn’t care if he picked up on her very deliberate sarcasm. It was on the tip of her tongue, ready to bite.

“I got an idea, why don’t we just sit… and not talk.” He announced.

“Fine by me” She shuffled back on the bed, and crawled up to the pillow. She lay on her side, facing him and fought to keep her eyes open, the events of the last few hours taking their toll as well as the devastating blow of finding out that her hopes for her relationship with Daryl had been well and truly dashed.

She could see him fiddling with the twine but took no notice as she traced the edge of the quilt with her fingertip. He turned his body to face her, bending his leg on the bed and held something out to her. Her vision flickered up to the object in his hand and she stared down at his fingers, which were holding a white bracelet made from the twine he’d braided.

She gradually looked up at him, observing his somewhat apprehensive expression and just like that, half of the sadness and disappointment she felt dropped away into nothing. He still thought the world of her, he still cared about her and he still saw her as the most important person in his life.

She smiled as she pinched the bracelet between her fingers and slid it onto her wrist. He helped her to fasten it and she rolled onto her back, holding her arm above her to admire her new piece of jewelry. It was as though she could literally feel the intensity of his stare every time his eyes fell onto her and that moment was no different. She made eye contact with him and let out a small snort of laughter, pleased when he did the same.

“Best friends” she repeated thoughtfully. “Best friends don’t usually make out like we do.”

Never one to fall at the first hurdle, she’d made a last, ditch attempt to dig for more. Bringing up their secret trysts almost made the ‘best friends’ label seem a little ridiculous to her and she wondered if he saw it the same way.

“No. They don’t.” He agreed.

She blinked at the ceiling in pure confusion.

What the hell does that mean, Daryl?! You just gave me a damn friendship bracelet but yesterday we were sucking face and almost having a discussion about this whole mess. Do I keep asking?! I’ll just annoy him. Because I’m annoying for needing to know. Why can’t he just be straight with me?! I need him to be straight with me. He is so frustrating!

“You…got any idea why we do?” She persisted.

“Do you?”

“It’s rude to answer a question with another question, Stinky.” She snapped. “Not to mention annoying as shit.”

Daryl was intuitive and Jess’s frustration was certainly not lost on him. He’d dug himself enough of a hole to want to crawl back out of it, hating the idea of her being upset because of him. To make things right, he had to give her something, anything that would allow her some clarity. Unwilling to dispel everything that was happening inside his head too soon, he conceded that for the time being, something small would have to suffice, at least until he was ready to face his feelings…or he would mess everything up forever.

He leaned over her, bracing himself on one arm by her side and with his other hand, he moved a lock of dark hair from her forehead. Her eyes seemed to shine in the dim room and she lay entirely still. He lowered his head and brushed the tip of his nose on hers, hearing her breath hitch in her throat. Then, he pressed a tender kiss to her lips and all at once, her head emptied momentarily and all she could think about was his lips on hers and how their kiss grew more and more eager by the second.

Oookaaaaay. I don’t care if he sees me as a friend, or a girlfriend, or a frickin’ lampshade right now. This kiss is…everything.

She lifted her arms, feeling the twine bracelet indent onto her wrist when she rested it over his broad shoulders. The palm of her other hand smoothed over his dirty, toned arm and he dragged himself closer still, moving further over her and seeking entry with his tongue. Jess’s body lit up when she heard him groan and felt his hand grip at her hip, pushing her down into the mattress and lowering more of his body onto her. He gasped against her and she swallowed hard and panted when he pulled away and dragged a thumb across her lower lip, pink and swollen from his unplanned and suggestive kiss. His chest heaved against hers while he caught his breath and he dipped his head again, gently kissing along her jawline until he reached her ear.

“Do it ‘cause I like it.” He whispered to her shakily.

When she managed to turn her head and find his eyes, he was staring raptly at her with a hunger she hadn’t seen before. He breathed heavily with teeth ever so slightly bared until something in him seemed to click, his eyelids flickered and he crawled backwards, away from her and resumed his initial position on the edge of the bed.

He had to move away. There was no doubt in his mind that if he stayed where he was, with her under him and kissing him the way she did, letting him lavish such attention on her, he would have hazarded taking things to the next level. His body was screaming at him to make a move, to forge a connection that deep down, he knew was there but she was too precious and valuable for him to encourage her into a situation that he wasn’t even sure she wanted to be in.

He closed his eyes when he sensed her run her fingers down his upper arm and tried to gain some control over the testosterone surging through his veins. But her touch and the hushed tones of her soft, tuneful voice just sent another tidal wave of lust crashing over him.

“I like it too” She whispered.

His jaw tightened.

Shit. She does somethin’ to me. This is fuckin’ intense. I gotta leave.

“Uh…I’ma head back to the house. Talk to Rick. You should get some rest.” He told her.

“O-okay.” She squeaked, a little disappointed and having changed her mind about him staying.

He sprang up and walked to the door, positioning one hand on the handle and pausing. She saw the air leave his lungs and his shoulders sagged. His cheeks and across his nose were a faint, red hue, as if he’d been flustered.

“I’m not…I’m not leavin’ ‘cause I want to. I-I wanna stay n’…” He stammered with a head full of things he wouldn’t dare say to her for fear of offending her or scaring her away. But he wished he could just stay with her, kiss her and explore her until night crept in and morning arrived. ”…never mind. See ya tomorrow.”

She opened her mouth to call out to him, to stop him from leaving but he was out of the door and barreling towards the gate quicker than she could lift her head from the pillow.

*

Two hours of sitting on Aaron and Eric’s front porch the next morning did not turn up one sighting of Daryl and Jess was starting to become suspicious. She also hunted on her own, bringing back a rather rotund Opossum which she proudly dumped on the ground in the entrance to the pantry, just in time to find Coffee being poured. Her face felt better, the swelling had reduced and she was left with a dark bruise that would be a distant memory in a few days.

Of course, Aaron had pestered her for the latest developments in her quest to bag Daryl as a boyfriend but she’d brushed him off, telling him white lies about how nothing had happened besides a little meaningless flirting and that she would never have a chance with him anyway. The latter part ringing a little truer than she’d hoped.

The night before had left her with even more unanswered questions and a new source of anxiety; what if things had progressed into a new realm where clothes were shed and it was no longer a few stolen kisses they were having to contend with? Was that what he wanted? Was that what he was thinking while he was looking down at her, his body heavy on hers and his heart like a hummingbird in his chest?

She wished she could tell Aaron, if anything just to vent to someone. He’d earned her trust and his place as her friend. But the situation was too messy and complex for her to go blabbing to someone else. She couldn’t risk it getting out, even by accident and other people finding out. It would be the end to her spark with Daryl, no more kisses, no more friendship. Nothing.

Instead, she relayed their trip to rescue Enid in graphic detail, making Eric cringe into his coffee mug when she explained how Carl blew someone’s brain to pieces with a shotgun at the tender age of thirteen. For the duration of her stay, her attention didn’t leave the front gate, which could be easily monitored from Aaron and Eric’s house. With still no sign of Daryl and breakfast coming to an end, she bid the guys farewell and attempted to cross the street with the intention of checking the bench by the pond for any signs of Carl so she could get an update on someone else’s love life and temporarily ignore the chaos of her own.

“Jess, wait.” Aaron’s voice, a little winded from jogging after her, stopped her at the side of the road. He touched her arm and motioned with his head towards the side of a house they’d just passed. She followed him out of earshot of the gate guards and any passers-by. “I know you’re lying to me.” He told her. She almost asked him exactly what he thought she was lying about when it all clicked in her head. “Something happened with Daryl, didn’t it?”

“What are you, psychic or something?” She huffed.

“You haven’t stopped looking at the gate since you sat down. I take it you’re looking for him? What’s going on, Jess? I promise you, I will not repeat it to anyone. If I do, you have permission to tear down my license plate collection and replace them with whatever you want”

She tapped her thigh with her fingers and sucked both lips into her mouth while she pondered over not only how much to disclose, but also what she would replace Aarons license plate wall with.

“Movie posters? John Hughes movies?” She asked

“Alright, yes.”

“Fine. We kiss. That’s a thing.” She muttered.

“That’s great…isn’t it?” He asked, perturbed by the exasperated look on her face.

“Yeah. I guess. I mean, he’s damn good at it. It’d be a whole lot better if I actually knew if he felt anything for me. But he always manages to skirt around the subject.” She explained with a large sigh.

“Daryl isn’t the kind of guy to go around kissing people, Jess. I’m willing to bet that if he kisses you, it’s because he likes you.” He tried to reason. But her face was still downcast and he sensed her nervous fidgeting was down to there being more to the story.

There was and until then, Jess had never mentioned a single word to another soul about the reasons why she needed a solid, definitive answer from Daryl. Why she couldn’t possibly bring herself to believe that Daryl would like her as anything more than a friend. She’d never been able to express her distrust in any compliments she received, never seen herself as worthy of anything more than a friendship and never knew what it felt like to be wanted and desired by someone.

“Before the turn, I met this guy. He was gorgeous, Aaron. Just…wow. All the signs were there. He told me he cared about me. Took me a while, because I’m not the girl that guys want to date, but I ended up believing that he genuinely liked me. I was horribly wrong. It was my best friend that he was into. I knew from then on that it would just never happen for me and I would never again be naïve enough to think that someone liked me.”

“Daryl Dixon is different, Jess.” Aaron assured her.

“Yeah.” She agreed “He is. He is so much more than I could ever dare to hope for. I don’t want to get hurt and lose my friend because I was fool enough to think that he would ever want me like that. I am not that girl, Aaron. I’m not good enough for him.”

Aaron was regarding her with a disbelief that she’d never seen in him before. He was looking at her as if she’d completely lost her mind. She even thought that she detected a slight hint of anger in his eyes but knew deep down that if he did feel anything of the sort, it would be because he cared and didn’t like seeing her so down.

“Listen. Between you and I, Eric thought the same for a long time. He couldn’t believe that I wanted to be with someone like him. He felt like he didn’t have much to offer. But all he had to do was let me show him that he did have things to offer. I just didn’t understand at first, I didn’t think I was anything special, least of all not the way he made me out to be” He paused to brush hair from her face, blown across her eyes by the breeze. “But I didn’t see myself the way he did. Daryl, he doesn’t see you the way you do. Nobody does. It’s all perception, individual to each person. Daryl barely even speaks to people, let alone kisses them. So, for him to do that with you…it must mean something to him. I don’t think you should write it off without giving him a chance to figure out what he’s doing. Just enjoy it, there’s no harm in that. It’s obvious he cares about you and he would never hurt you deliberately. You earned a little fun, girl. Have at it.”

“I hope you’re right.” She said.

“There’s a reason I’m a recruiter. I’m a good judge of character. I know that kissing you is not a decision that Daryl would have taken lightly. Give him a little more time. But it doesn’t mean you should stop having fun. You get what I’m saying?”

“Yes” She whispered, stepping closer and wrapping her arms around his shoulders. He placed his hands on her back and welcomed the embrace.

“And don’t sell yourself so short. You’re awesome.” He concluded while rubbing one of her shoulder blades.

*

Feeling like a fraction of the weight had been lifted from her shoulders from sharing her burden with Aaron, Jess swore him to secrecy, thanked him and made her way to the pond. She found it empty and dropped herself onto the seat, sticking her legs out straight in front of her and crossing them at her ankles.

“Penny for ‘em.” Said a deep, southern voice from behind her. She sat up slightly and twisted in her spot to find Abraham trundling through the flower bed. Turning back and running a hand through her hair she let out a long breath.

“You do not want to know,” She replied.

“Wouldn’t be askin’ if that were true.” He corrected as he sat down at her side. With Abraham not being a small man, the bench creaked as he settled.

“It’s nothing. Just me overthinking.” She said.

Abraham craned his neck and caught sight of the bluish bruise on her face.

“Woah, what’s with the Taint n’ tarnish, Sweetheart?” He asked with a deep concern on his face. His large fingers pinched at her chin and angled her face so he could get a better look. She tapped his wrist and he let go.

“Enid got kidnapped. Daryl and I fought like a cat and dog on the way to get her because he’s a stubborn son of a bitch that won’t ever accept that I’m right. Anyway, we went to college to get the girl back. Carl hid in the trunk and almost cooked himself to death so we had to take him with us. Some asshole landed a nice, dry slap across my face so I shot the bastard in the eye with an arrow. Daryl blew everybody else up with an RPG and Carl shot a guy in the head with a shotgun and decorated the sidewalk with teeny, tiny little pieces of brain matter. Enid, well she did as she was told and made it back in one piece and then we all camped in the woods and came home.” She surmised in as short a version as possible.

“I know the world went to shit n’ all but…what in blue blazes?!” he questioned in disbelief. She yawned and rubbed at her eyes, still enduring the exhaustion from the days before. “Honey, look at you. You’re a damn mess.”

“Thank you for the compliment.” She growled while side-eyeing him.

“Ahh cmon, who I gotta kill to get a smile outta you?” He tried in an attempt to lift her spirits.

“Nobody. Really” she smiled.

“If you insist. Looks like I’ll have to save my ridicule for another time.” He leaned back and crossed his huge arms. Jess felt positively dwarfed by his size at times but she never once found him to be intimidating or overbearing. She’d only known him since Rick’s group arrived at Alexandria but within days, and despite her efforts to distance herself from just about everyone, his jokes and big personality had won her over almost immediately. Being around Abraham took her back to before the turn, to her childhood and growing up with a brother in the military and being surrounded by his friends.

“You remind me of my brothers’ friends, y’know” She told him.

“They handsome sons of guns too?” he grinned.

“I meant in the way that you make fun of me with your general annoying bastardness.”

“Ahh ain’t nothin wrong with a little teasin’, a little flirtin’. Keep the blood pumpin’. You know I’m only playin’ around with ya though, right?” He checked, leaning forwards enough to see her reaction.

“Yeah. I know. That was the thing with them, they’d tease me like there was no tomorrow but they were super protective too. I was lucky in that respect.” She expressed.

“Can bet ya ass a lot of folks in here would be just as protective of ya. Aint no point being alone no more. Can’t do nothin’ without people in this world. Still, you got Daryl so, you’re set, right?” He smirked, waiting for her to flare up and tell him it was none of his business and to stop bringing it up.

“We’re friends.” Was all she said.

“And I’m Mary Poppins.” He laughed.

She didn’t bother to put him right, mainly because she wasn’t even sure it would be right anymore. How could she correct people if she didn’t know what they were herself? She hated all the uncertainty, the lack of consistency and the fact that she had been so patient until now. Until it was starting to grate on her. She knew Aaron was right and giving Daryl time to figure things out was the right thing to do. Having fun with it certainly seemed like an appealing idea too, but she wasn’t sure she could continue with such an indulgence if it meant her getting hurt at the end of it.

Abraham didn’t move an inch when Jess rested her head against his arm. He knew that for her to do such a thing, she must have needed it and so, he left her where she was and ceased conversation. Bees and birds flitted around the pond, a welcome reminder that nature was still rolling on as best it could, no matter what else was happening to the world. The only sounds came from people wandering past on the street and the repetitive sounds of shovelling from the vegetable patch.

“Why can’t everyone just be honest with each other, Abe?” Jess uttered out of the blue.

“Why are dingleberries brown? Just the way shit is, sweetheart.” He answered.

*

That afternoon, Deanna called for Jess, Daryl, Enid, Carl and Rick to discuss Enid’s kidnapping and the possibility of another attack. It was the first time Jess had laid eyes on Daryl since their kiss the previous night. Try as she might, she couldn’t shake the feeling that he’d been actively avoiding her. So, when he bumped into her, alone in the hallway and tickled the outside of her hand as he passed, she was so astonished it took her at least a minute to enter back into reality and deal with the task at hand.

Upon entering the main room of the house, she found everyone else present and Daryl skulked off into the corner, perching on a wide window ledge. He met her eye when she appeared but quickly looked away, wanting to maintain the air of secrecy around what was happening between them. But Jess had questions. What he’d done in the hallway was different. A new kind of affection that was a world apart from a sexually charged kiss. It was the kind of passing attention that was shown between two people in a relationship and even though she couldn’t deny that she didn’t hate it one, little bit. It had confused her even more. Best friends did not affectionately tickle hands in hallways and they certainly did not lay on beds kissing. It always felt like some days she was getting somewhere, moving along slowly but surely, lured into thinking that he wouldn’t kiss her if he didn’t see her in that way. And then, he would do something contradictory, like dubbing her his ‘best friend’ and drop kicking her firmly into the friend zone. Why did she have to fall for someone so complicated? Why could he not just tell her what he wanted for sure?

Asked for her take on what happened, Jess clearly ran through the process of Enid's rescue, telling the room that the man she’d spoken to informed her that there were around a hundred of them, probably slightly less due to the amount that were killed that day and about the branding on their hands. Daryl got up and without a word, picked up a pen and drew the branded symbol on a piece of paper at Deanna's desk before going back to his perch at the window. A concerned silence filled the room as the towns leader and Rick swapped a glance and after what felt like an age, Denna finally announced that she wanted training to be stepped up even more. Rick suggested visiting the college to see if any more of the men had been sent as replacements, or if anyone was still alive. If they could capture one and drain them of information, they would be in a better position to plan. The idea was met with some doubt by Deanna who wasn’t keen on the idea of having to keep one of them behind the wall and mentioned that they could be opening themselves up for another attack.

“A hundred men, all armed is quite the threat.” She stated.

“The guy said they weren’t all in that College. I can’t vouch for his credibility. We saw around fifteen when we were there. All of them were dead when we left. I have no idea where the rest are.” Jess explained.

“We still have women missing. Daryl, did you see any other prisoners?” Rick asked with his hands on his hips and stirring Daryl from his stillness across the room.

“Naw, just Enid.” He grunted in response.

“They don’t keep them there.” Enid mumbled from the couch next to Carl.

“What was that, honey?” Deanna encouraged, missing the girl's muffled comment.

“They don’t keep the rest of the women they take at that place. It’s a halfway point.” She told her.

Now, Daryl moved and stood up, thudding into the middle of the room by Rick. Jess avoided his gaze from where she sat, on the arm of the couch next to Carl.

“You know where the rest are?” Daryl questioned.

“No. I’m sorry. I just heard them saying they were keeping me there until they found enough gas to make the journey and move me in with the others.” Enid said.

Carl fiddled with his hands in his lap, uneasy about hearing Enid talk about being in the clutches of the dangerous group that had taken her.

“Look, these guys, there might be a lot of them but from what I saw, they’re dumber than a box of hair.” Jess announced with confidence. She’d not seen an ounce of training or logic in their behavior which matched the way they bombarded Alexandria with mass murder and terror. They used sheer numbers and the element of surprise. It wasn’t perfectly planned or stealthy by any stretch of the imagination.

Carl couldn't help but laugh at Jess’s take on it and he clocked Enid smiling at him.

“She’s right. I ain't never seen nothin’ so disorganized.” Daryl added “All runnin’ around like they didn’t know which way was up. Willin’ to bet they think women just sprout from the earth and they’re plannin’ on comin’ back for the harvest.”

Tapping the papers on her desk with a pen, Deanna sighed and pursed her lips as she scanned the faces of the people in the room. The threat was more real than ever. Many of the townspeople had perished in the attack and since then, they’d kidnapped a teenager and tried to kill those who set off to rescue her. Such an embarrassment was unlikely to be forgotten and the prospect of Alexandria having more of what they really wanted was too great for them to ignore. She had to act.

Deanna zoned in on Jess “You need to move inside the walls”

Jess’s back prickled and her shoulders went back. Her defenses shot up. She’d worked hard for her home, to create a place where she felt safe and was allowed to be herself and she wasn’t about to give it up for anything.

“No. No. Absolutely not. Non-negotiable.” She confirmed.

“Jess-” Rick tried

“I said no.” She snapped. “I’ll help in any way I can. If you need volunteers to go back to that place and scope it out, I’ll do it. But I’m not moving. Let me know once you make a decision.” She headed to the door, expecting someone to stop her but no one moved or uttered a word. When she vacated the room, Rick threw Daryl a knowing look.

Make her move inside the walls, Daryl.

*

She left Deanna’s house so fast that no one, let alone Daryl had the chance to stop her. She raced down the steps and across the lawn to the gate, tripping on a piece of wood in the process. She stumbled forwards, her hands shooting out and her heart lurching in her chest. Managing to keep herself upright and overcome with fury. She spun around, picked up the piece of wood and launched it into the street, the impact shattered it into tiny pieces. If it wasn’t for her lips being tightly pressed together, there would have been no doubt about her turning the air blue with cuss words. Footsteps from behind her accompanied cigar smoke and she let out a sigh.

“Wow, someone’s wound up tighter than a bull’s asshole in fly season, huh?” Abraham observed with his eyebrows raised. He moved around her, checking her expression and placing a hand on her shoulder.

“Yeah, just tired.” She uttered.

“You need to let loose a little, maybe get yourself laid, it’s amazing how a clear out of the pipes can stop you being such a crankosaurs.” He suggested with a playful nudge of her arm.

“Abe.” She warned, rolling her eyes.

“Just a suggestion. I’m not volunteering” He chuckled “but if you beg me, I’ll be forced to have mercy.”

Daryl clicked the door to Deanna’s house shut as Jess threw the wood into the road during her tantrum and sent splinters flying everywhere. From the front porch, he leaned against a pillar and lit a smoke, listening to the conversation happening below.

“In your dreams” Jess shot at Abraham with a point of her finger. She left him laughing to himself and headed for the gate. Daryl descended the steps a little quicker than he’d intended but he had to move fast if he wanted to catch Jess before she left. She was striding with purpose at the gate, about to vanish from sight. His speed was decent enough to catch up but his demeanor was calm on the outside. Abraham wasn’t being fooled; he could tell that he was in a rush to catch her.

When he finally reached her, he thoughtlessly jabbed at her shoulder, waited for her to turn to him and dragged her by her wrist into the shadow of the wall beside the gate. He slammed a hand on the wall beside her to stop her from running away before he’d said his piece.

“You ain't goin’ back there. Deanna’s right, you gotta move inside the walls” He instructed.

Hey eyes grew wide with a stunned stare and rage suddenly flooded her mind and clouded her judgement and she struggled to keep it under wraps.

“No” She answered clearly while looking him right in the eye.

“Can’t just stay out there all by yourself. Told ya before, I need you to live.” He reminded her.

“Why?”

“What do ya mean, ‘why’? Kinda question is that?” He dropped his arm and backed up, aware that she seemed to have switched and her irritation towards him was founded in something a lot bigger than just him giving her orders.

“Look, I know you feel like you owe me for giving you my blood and we act like two middle schoolers kissing in secret, but it doesn’t give you the right to tell me what to do. Only my family could do that and seeing as we’re not related, you don’t have a say.”

He tried to reach out and touch her hand but she ripped it away from him, her eyes narrowing and her back hitting the house behind her.

“You can’t keep doing this to me.” She uttered.

“Doin’ what?” He questioned.

Kissing me and telling me what to do like an overprotective husband and then friend zoning me

“Forget it. I have to go.” She grumbled.

She stormed off, flustered and shaking with a toxic mix of nerves and anger. Daryl tilted his head back and breathed out a long sigh before kicking the wooden panel on the wall.

“…Fuck…”

The surface dented and his toes ached with pain but it was welcomed as something else to think about. Something other than how tetchy Jess had become and how he only really had himself to blame. He turned on his heels and marched off.

*

Outside the walls, Jess kept walking along the main road, missing the shrouded path to her home in the woods and equipped her hood and mask. She tugged her machete from her belt and swung it by her side as she strutted towards the end of the street. When she reached a row of abandoned cars, all parked at different angles like a bad attempt at Tetris, she turned her machete around, gripped it by the blade and began hammering the handle on the metal body work of each Vehicle, walking slowly as she went. The louder the better. Killing Walkers was the norm for Jess, but she still could never quite shake that niggling fear that pestered her every time she was faced with one. But as long as she kept them at the end of her machete or bow, she managed just fine. 

Before long, she was pleased to find two of them staggering along the side of a house and snarling as they went. They were both female and one was somehow hobbling along with only half a foot left. Both of them were considerably decomposed and their summertime barbeque outfits were barely noticeable anymore. Jess flipped her machete back and ran at them, ignoring her usual spike of fear, skidding to a stop in front of them and kicking the woman in front in the stomach. The impact sent them both careering backwards and onto their backs, one on top of the other. Her blade was nowhere near as clean as it used to be. In fact, she hadn’t cleaned it since she’d used it to slit a man’s throat at the college and so, it failed to glint in the sun when she drove it down onto the Walkers, hacking at them like they were firewood. With each blow, a cry of frustration left her body and with that, went a tiny fraction of the confusion and turmoil in her head. She needed to blow off steam and chopping Walkers into bite sized chunks was the only effective way she could think of at the time.

*

Rosita, who was sitting on the steps to her house, clicked her fingers at Abraham and pointed to the empty space on the step beside her. She was used to Abe’s flirtatious and outgoing personality, never really seeing it as a negative and happy in the knowledge that if he was any other way, she wouldn’t have been all that interested. He kept her days interesting and her nights fulfilled.

“You are a terrible flirt, you know that? Good job I’m so self-assured, huh?” She glowered at him playfully as he lowered himself down beside her with a grunt.

“Flirt? That was just for giggles, Mamasita. All my flirting is saved for you.” He grinned. He reached behind them, grabbing a half empty bottle of whiskey that he’d been working his way through. Rosita had told him countless times that he was only going to dehydrate himself and that necking whiskey on the daily was only going to cause him problems. But his selective hearing meant that he simply ignored her advice and only listened to what he wanted to hear.

“Hmm. It better be.” She winked at him.

They had both looked over at the gate in time to see Jess storm away from Daryl and leave the compound. He was visibly annoyed and the curse word that left his lips was obvious even at such a distance.

“Things are still at a stalemate there then.” Abe mentioned.

“What?” Rosita asked.

“Daryl. He’s keen on Jess.” He told her.

“What the hell are you talking about now? I don’t see that. They’re just friends.” She expressed.

“Oh yeah? Watch this and tell me he doesn’t like her.” He challenged with a smug grin. He used the black, iron railings to hoist himself up from the step and was soon pacing over to where Daryl was wandering along the sidewalk. Rosita shook her head at his childish need to be right in every given situation.

“She seems a little cranky” Abe pointed out to a stony-faced Daryl.

Feeling like Abraham was deliberately picking the wrong moment to state the obvious, Daryl stopped and bit his lip, taking a couple of seconds to keep his impulses in check. Everything in him wanted to release his temper and start yelling at Abraham, asking him what the hell it had to do with him and why he couldn’t just back off and leave Jess alone. Being in the middle of a quiet street, Rosita’s listening ear had not gone unnoticed and with little interest in getting into a confrontation with anyone else, Daryl opted to try and stay as calm as possible

“She’s tired. Getting’ Enid back, took it outta both of us.” He admitted.

It wasn’t wholly an untruth, he could tell Jess was still feeling the after effects, as was he. But the real reason for the tension between them was coming from something else, something that he wasn’t quite sure how to handle.

“Seems to me she’s lacking more than sleep.” Abraham suggested boldly. “Needs to get laid. Maybe I should help her out.”

Daryl heard Rosita scoff from where she was sitting in front of the door to her home and he couldn’t even begin to think what Abraham thought he was playing at. Rosita was not the sort of fiery, Latino woman he would want to go up against. He checked the rest of the street, Rick was heading home and Carl and Enid were strolling in the direction of the pond, immersed in conversation. He instantly thought of how happy Jess would be to see them spending more time together, if she hadn’t been too irate to stay. Abraham was taller than Daryl but he wasn’t about to let that intimidate him, the subject matter was extremely important to him and it was for that reason that cracks began to show in his calm façade. His teeth pushed together and his jaw went rigid.

“Look, there ain’t no bad blood between you n’ me. But you stay away from her. Ya hear me?” he advised.

“Why? If you ain’t going to do it, it ain’t fair to keep her away from those that will.” Abraham continued with a sense of mischief to his voice. “Hell, Daryl, better it be me than that yellow-bellied son of Deanna’s. He’s been checking her out at every given opportunity.”

“Why you so set on this, huh? You got a girl, man” It was a complete mystery to Daryl, who thought it a little counterproductive to attempt to see two women at once. His brother proved it frequently by saying he was with one girl while in the midst of trying to woo another. The resulting drama always ended the same way, in a fight or with his truck getting keyed. It always ended in disaster and Daryl could never understand why no one could ever be content with what they already had.

Abraham took a peek over his shoulder to see Rosita gesturing wildly to him to put Daryl out of his misery and stop winding him up. His booming laugh filled the street and he landed a hand on Daryl’s shoulder, gently shaking it.

“I’m yankin’ your chain.” He confessed. Daryl just shrugged him off. He could have done without it and would much rather have been left alone to figure out the mess that was his relationship with Jess “Sure are touchy about this subject though.”

“It ain't what it looks like.” Daryl declared.

“I don’t give two short n’ curlies what it looks like, man. She’s into you. You’re into her. What are you waitin’ for? A goddamn bus? Get it done, buddy.”

With that, he delivered a wink to Daryl and sauntered over to where Rosita was sitting. She punched his arm and unleashed a torrent of Spanish swear words while he laughed heartily and fished around in his pants pocket for a cigar.

*

The next day a decision was made; Deanna ordered all training sessions to be bumped up to twice a week and everyone that was able to hold a knife was to be taught how to use it effectively. Lookouts were to be set up along the main road to the gate with a checkpoint made at the end of the street. Manning them would be taxing but Rick stepped in with another roster to keep things ticking over smoothly. Jess, Aaron and Daryl were asked to sweep a local hardware warehouse for materials to make the checkpoint and lookouts. They were to take two trucks and return with as much as they could fit into them. Deanna’s pleas to Jess to move inside the walls fell on deaf ears once more and instead she set about doing everything she could to help prepare for any future attacks.

She didn’t see Daryl hunting that morning, the second morning in a row. She couldn’t say she was surprised given that their last exchange had been less than friendly and she’d spent that afternoon carving up Walkers and leaving them in bloody piles around the neighborhood. She could feel his eyes on her as Deanna announced her plans but she didn’t once look at him, having spent the entire night mulling over the last few days, weeks even and coming to some kind of conclusion as to how to proceed.

Aarons words stayed with her and she had to give some credit to his ideas, especially the notion to just go with it and have some fun for the time being. Kissing Daryl was the most fun she’d had in her whole life and she’d been starkly aware of its absence during their three-week hiatus after dislocating her shoulder. He’d told her he’d missed her and he didn’t mean in the sense that he hadn’t seen her, he meant that he missed kissing her and she felt exactly the same. After all, how could she not miss kissing the most attractive man she'd ever set eyes on? The man she loved. 

Letting off steam and spending some time thinking about things with Aarons view on it had certainly helped clear her mind of the useless, overthought clutter that had accumulated. She felt much more able to make an informed decision about how she would handle things from then on and when she found herself standing in Aaron and Eric’s living room, drawing X’s on a map under Daryl’s watchful eye, she told herself that she was going to lock the previous day away in the past.

Requiring refreshments in order to think straight, Aaron declared he was going to make some coffee and promptly left the room. From where she was, leaning on the back of the couch, Jess monitored Daryl’s movements and her eyes followed him as he slowly ambled to the window. He’d not said a word to her but he had spent a considerable amount of time looking at her. She followed him to where he stood, silently peering through the gap in the blinds.

“I’m sorry. About yesterday.” She said with sincerity.

An uncomfortable quiet was what followed and Jess felt panic begin to rise when he didn’t respond straight away.

“I pissed ya off.” He finally admitted “I’m the one that should be sorry. Just want you to be safe.”

His lack of conversing with her had little to do with him not wanting to speak to her. He wasn’t angry at her, nor was he sulking in any way. He simply didn’t have anything to say and until he knew that she was ready to mend things, he was going to keep his mouth shut.

“I know.” She assured him.

“You still mad at me?” He asked sheepishly.

“No. I’m not mad at you”

He held her gaze as he peered at her sideways, unable to drag his eyes away from a face he’d grown so fond of. He hated making her angry, hated that she was upset with him and hated that he couldn’t yet give her what he knew she needed. She lifted a hand and pinched the lapel of his leather vest, pulling it to the side and urging him to step around and face her. He quickly got the message and found that her hand hovered away from his vest and rested on his chest, over his heart.

I hate that I’m so in love with you

She took a small step closer, testing him to see if he’d reject her. When he didn’t, she decided to take Aaron’s advice and enjoy herself while it lasted. Her hand moved up once again, this time to the side of his face and his eyelids flickered at her touch. He nestled against her hand and she heard a subtle sight emanate from him.

“Aaron could see us” He warned her.

“You didn’t care that Carl saw you holding my hand the other day.” she reminded him. 

He nibbled his lower lip, considering that she had a point. He hadn’t cared that Carl had seen him holding her hand, but there was the very real possibility of either one of them being seriously injured or killed. Such a thing was at the bottom of his list of priorities at the time. She was still peering up at him and seconds were ticking away. He heard Aaron opening cupboards and drawers in the kitchen. Still busy. He dipped his head, tugging her close to him by her wrist and holding it where her new bracelet rested. He rested his forehead on hers, ghosting her lips and leaving her with a featherlight kiss. Then, he had no choice but to pull back as Aaron reappeared with a tray of coffee’s in his hands.

Jess took a deep breath and ran her hands down her clothes. She was flustered and pleased that his interest in being close to her didn’t seem to have waned. At least she now knew that pushing him away was only going to result in him bouncing right back to her. But try as she might, she couldn’t help but think it was because he felt like he owed her, or because she was simply used to it now. After all, why would someone like Daryl, so tough, so courageous, so completely different, want to be anything other than friends with a self-conscious nerd?

*

Their destination was an hour and thirty minutes’ drive away and Jess opted to jump into Aarons truck on the journey out. Daryl didn’t seem to mind although he was not likely to express his disappointment in front of Aaron. Pleased to find a CD player in the cab and a pile of dusty CD’s, Jess and Aaron spent the majority of the drive singing like banshees and dancing in their seats.

It had been a long time since she’d felt so free. With no laws to abide by, no boundaries to keep to, and every building, home and store deserted, freedom was everywhere. Yet Jess didn’t see freedom in the physical sense. It was more than that to her, more of a state of mind than being able to go anywhere at any time. Singing at the top of her voice with her good friend without a care in the world meant she could escape for a while, and simply enjoy the existence of Aaron and his terrible singing voice.

“I feel like I’m at the zoo!” She cried through the rush of wind past the open windows and the loud tones of Twist and Shout by The Beatles.

“What? Why the zoo?” Aaron wanted to know in between warbling along to the song.

“Because the noises that are coming out of your mouth are unlike anything I’ve ever heard before!” She laughed.

“Hey! My voice is amazing!” He argued

“Yeah, amazingly bad!” She chuckled.

When the song's most memorable lines kicked in once more, they both wailed and made dramatic hand gestures as if no one else was watching. Except there was someone watching. In the next lane, with one hand on the steering wheel and a bemused expression, Daryl was witnessing Jess as he’d never seen her before, hair blowing in the wind, eyes closed and arms hanging out of the window as the truck shot along the road. She was singing without a care in the world and after the initial shock he experienced at the sight, he soon realized how endearing it was to see her so carefree. He smiled to himself as he shook his head at the both of them and their mini concert and if the world wasn’t full of decaying, walking corpses and humans hellbent on destroying one another, he would have thought it was the perfect start to the day.

 The warehouse, upon first inspection, was deserted and its shutters were wide open. After two walks of the perimeter, Daryl gave them the signal to head inside and joined them at the closest entrance. Jess half expected to find the building picked clean, but it was quickly apparent that any visitors since the turn had little need for sheet metal and building supplies, not like the demand for food, weapons and medicine. Walkers milled about inside; their numbers low enough for the three of them to take them out without a high level of danger. But it had been a while Since Jess had been faced with so many Walkers in one week, even if she had sought the two from the previous day out herself. Opting to use the experience as part of her knife training, she kept her machete tied to her belt and used the smaller blade gifted to her by Daryl almost two years ago instead. As each dead person neared her, she told herself to keep calm and remember her training, promising herself that she would not use the bigger blade or her bow.

A couple of near misses were enough to send her spiraling into self-doubt and letting her fear determine her actions. While she was busy backing away from a gnarly, male Walker with a hole so wide in its shoulder that she could see through to the other side, a bolt whizzed past her ear and dropped the threat to the ground and immediately afterwards, she felt Daryl slap a hand around her wrist and turn her body to face him. In the dusty, barely lit warehouse with its high aisles and cold, musty air, Jess sucked in a deep breath and shook her head.

“Y’alright?” Daryl checked, receiving a short nod from her.

Suffocating her with concern was not a wise idea and Daryl knew it. So, he left her to put the last Walker down but kept a close eye on her from the end of the aisle. At the same time, Aaron was beginning to drag wood and metal from shelving units with all his might, piling them up onto a forklift which to his glee, still worked albeit after some spluttering and stalling. Daryl was soon helping him hurl heavy materials around while Jess was needed at the door due to the noise attracting Walkers from the surrounding area. Climbing on top of a truck in the parking lot, she picked them off, one by one with her bow, deducting five points in her head for every shot she missed.

“Jess? How we doing out there?” Aaron called out from the darkness inside.

“We’re looking at a soccer team right about now.” She shouted back.

“Huh? What does that mean?” He enquired.

“Eleven. We’re on eleven Walkers, bright spark.” She quipped as she drew the strings and arrow back on her bow once more. ”Make that ten.”

Daryl jogged out from under the shutter, crossbow held high and eyes fixed on the approaching Walkers. Jess dropped another corpse and was quickly preoccupied by the bodies hitting the asphalt from nowhere until she realized that he was scooting across the parking lot below and making for his truck by the gate, killing everything that moved in the process.

“Stop stealing my thunder!” She complained loudly. Her aim needed some work and it was the perfect opportunity. So far, she’d only had to deduct ten points and that was progress considering the amount of Walkers she’d been faced with.

“Wouldn’t have to if ya wasn’t shootin’ slower than an asthmatic snail.” He jested, turning and taking a couple of steps backwards so he could survey her reaction.

“Oh yeah? How about we see how fast I can fucking shoot you!” She exclaimed, nocking another arrow and aiming at him. She heard him chuckle and he resumed his hurrying to the truck. The sun cast it’s glow over him, his sweat slicked arms from the manual labor seeming even more toned than usual and Jess cocked her head to one side and blinked slowly, pondering how she could quite happily wile away the hours with such a view. But reality crept up on her daydream when the engine of Daryl’s truck roared to life and he backed the vehicle up to the shutter.

Having shot Daryl a smug look of defiance after killing the rest of the Walkers in the parking lot, Jess helped to load everything up, catching Daryl’s eye every now and then and questioning in her mind why it was that this day, out of all the time she’d known him, she was more aware of his attention on her than ever before. The way he was looking at her was different, like he wanted to smile every single time and it set her mind on edge and made her stomach hum with a delightful anticipation of what might happen when they were alone again. Maybe it was her new found way of accepting the situation, thanks for Aaron and his intuition. Maybe it was the tentative way in which he’d asked if she was mad at him. Or, maybe she’d just missed him in those small hours overnight.

After the second truck was filled up, the trio decided to head back to Alexandria as the air was cooling and evening was setting in. The sky turned a water colored texture of oranges and pinks and with her back leaned against the inside of the truck’s door, Jess pretended to fasten loose thread on her gloves when she was really stealing a lot of lingering glances at her return journey accomplice.

Daryl had glimpsed at her a couple of times, seeing her eyes lower suspiciously into her lap or onto the gloves which she held against her bent knees. When a sign for a newly build neighborhood shot past at the side of the highway, he eased off the gas and contemplated if it was worth stopping. Sensing the slow in pace, Jess sat up.

“You see that sign?” He asked.

“Yup. You wanna check it out?”

“Worth a look. Need all the supplies we can get.”

“Okay. I’ll tell Aaron.” She announced, grabbing the radio from the dash and holding down the button on the side.

“This is BloodyMary to MonkeyNuts, come in.”

Daryl’s head slowly turned to her and he shot an incredulous look at the names she’d apparently dubbed herself and Aaron. Ignoring his perplexed face, she turned up the volume on the radio and waited. It crackled and hissed and Aaron’s voice filled the cab.

“We talked about this. I did not agree to that name and ‘BloodyMary’ is not becoming for you.”

“I’m not changing it now. You know it was either that or ‘LargeMarge’ and according to you, that’s even more unbecoming.” She sent back “Don’t be a killjoy, MonkeyNuts.”

“What do you want, Jess?” came Aaron’s chuckled response.

“We just saw a sign for a new build neighborhood. We’re turning around to check it out.”

“Yeah, I saw that. I’ll follow on.”

She threw the radio back onto the dash and clunked her boots up, crossing one over the other a slouching down in the passenger seat. Daryl was still glancing over at her intermittently.

“LargeMarge?” He eventually questioned.

“What? My dazzling personality is large enough to warrant such a name. But ‘BloodyMary’ just seemed a little more…apocalyptic.” She figured with a shrug.

Yeah, you’re real weird. He thought.

She’d now seen Daryl smile and laugh more than she’d ever thought possible and even more so in the last few weeks. It was a sight that she never got tired of, especially when she was the reason for it. She knew he thought her to be weird, but even with that in mind, he still wanted to be around her anyway and the thought warmed her heart and set her reservations about his real feelings aside. There was no doubt in her mind that he enjoyed her company, trusted her and cared about her wellbeing and to have that was a hundred times more than she could have expected when she’d first met him at the quarry. Hoping for any more than that could well have been pushing her luck, but she loved him, so completely and unconditionally that she couldn’t help but hope and dream for something more.

*

The estate of houses they found were still standing and looked reasonably untouched. Drapes were ripped and windows were smashed but it was nothing out of the ordinary for a post-apocalyptic scene. Some cars were still parked on drives, with suitcases and bags strapped to the roofs, blood splatters on the doorsteps and front yards with violent smears now brown and dried with age. Jess and Daryl hopped out of their truck with Aaron signaling that he would check the cars and keep an eye out for any danger. Choosing the biggest house in the street, Jess equipped her bow and kicked the door in, creating enough of a racket to be heard in the next state.

“Easy, girl.” Daryl hushed “Damn RPG would have been quieter than you.”

“Get off my ass before I put you on yours.” She threatened as she entered the house, swinging her bow this way and that, into every room and checking the coast was clear. A single Walker in the kitchen was swiftly eliminated by Daryl as Jess crept around in the study, opening cupboards and pocketing a packet of painkillers and a bottle of whiskey. She had no plans to drink it, but Abraham sure as hell would. Under the desk, her boot hit something heavy and metal and she stooped down, squinting at the huge, locked safe before her.

“Whatcha got?” Daryl asked while wandering in, scanning the shelves and noticing her bow sticking up from under the desk where she’d positioned it over her shoulder and bent down to inspect the dial on the front of the door.

“Safe. Big one.” She muttered. “Probably not even worth looking inside. Can’t exactly buy our way to survival these days.”

“A safe ain't just for money. Especially in a neighborhood like this. Move aside, lemme take a look.”

Complying but with a little confusion around how much Daryl seemed to know about safes and what was kept in them, Jess planted herself in a leather, wheeled chair and pushed herself away with her feet until the backrest hit the bookshelves behind her.

"Hmm. Old safe for a new house" He mused.

From where she was, she could see him grab a pen and a piece of paper from the desk, returning to the safe and sitting, cross legged in front of it. He brought his ear to the dial and listened intently as he slowly turned it, making notes on the paper as he went. Jess watched with great interest, mystified by his actions and a little impressed all at once and when he held up the paper and started spinning the dial a little more rapidly, she heard a loud click and he tugged the door open, moving back to give himself enough room to delve inside. Jess’s jaw almost hit the floor.

“Are you-are you kidding me?!” She cried “Were you a bank robber or something?”

“No.” he grunted without even a glance over his shoulder. He pulled a pistol and ammo from the safe, along with multiple tubs of medications. He handed them to Jess, who was still staring at him in shock as she shoved the items into her backpack.

“Would you care to explain how you knew how to get into that thing, then?” She pressed.

He got to his feet, picked up his crossbow and slung it over his shoulder.

“Not really” He grumbled.

 In the blink of an eye, he was gone and instead of pursuing him, she continued searching the house, eventually finding him outside on the porch, arranging packets and tinned food in a box. It was quite the find and one that meant their detour on the way home was not in vain. They’d found a gun, ammo, medication and food all from one house. So pleased was he with their find, that Daryl ripped open a packet of beef jerky and took a huge bite, chewing messily and grunting in approval. Jess inched closer, feeling mischievous and waiting for her moment. As he raised the packet once more, she snatched it from his grasp and dragged the tough, leathery substance over her tongue.

“I licked it so it’s mine.” She declared with a certain degree of provocation.

He dropped his now empty hand and cleared his throat. Dipping his head, he stepped closer to her and bit down on his tongue. There were so many things he wanted to say, most of them suggestive and daring, even though he’d tested the water by flirting with her before. He didn’t know if any of the possibilities were a little too forward and the last thing he wanted was to come across like Merle, but he was sure that Jess was unlikely to switch from her playful mood to full-on offended and figured that even if she did, she would forgive him eventually. Deciding to risk it, he waited for her to catch his eye.

“You uh…you really should stop teasin’ the fuck outta me with that…unless you wanna do somethin’ ‘bout it.” He told her. It was delivered with a world of confidence and sureness that he didn’t know he possessed and when she failed to appear disgusted or flee before him at the very idea of something so risqué, his heart rate quickened and a small smile tugged at his lips.

Jess, determined to follow Aaron’s advice and just have herself some fun, pursed her lips and for a moment, struggled to think up a response that didn’t make her look completely inexperienced and shy. She wanted to widen the smile on his face, she wanted to make him laugh and above all, she wanted to show him that if she felt like it and had the nerve, she could give as good as she got.

“Don’t you dare threaten me with a good time, Daryl.” She purred at him.

He had to look away, it was all he could do to stop the rush of heat that radiated from beneath the skin across his nose and cheeks. Flabbergasted and rendered temporarily mute by her unexpected response, he rubbed at his chin and couldn’t hold back the throaty laugh that expelled from his lungs.

“Well…shit.” He chuckled at her, eventually able to bring his gaze back to her. She shrugged off her backpack and stuck her hand inside, retrieving one of the pots of medication and reading the label.

“Get your mind out of the gutter, Dixon” she instructed, now taking control of a conversation he thought he held the reins of. He’d never seen it before, her willingness to take their mild flirting to the next level.

“Why would I do that when you’re throwin’ backchat like that at me?” He commented.

She delighted at the redness of his cheeks which he was no longer bothering to hide and it occurred to her that she didn’t feel one shred of shyness when she would have otherwise curled up into herself and wished the ground would open up to devour her.

“Stop distracting me. We have a job to do.” She smiled.

“You’re the ones distractin’ me” He pointed out.

“Am not”

“Are too” He uttered under his breath, sitting down on the wooden bench next to the box of supplies. “Talkin’ to me ‘bout lickin’ stuff… God damn.”

Not willing to let him forget that he’d been the one to bring it up, she raised an eyebrow at him as she took a generous bite of the beef jerky that was still pinched between her fingers on one hand and dropped her backpack on the floor. She handed him the snack and also settled on the bench, with the box in-between them. When he was done eating, he screwed up the wrapper in his fist and threw it at her. She batted it away and the two of them sniggered at one another.

Checking on Aaron once again, Daryl noted that he was still perched in his truck's cab, with the door open and one leg dangling out.

“So, did we swap kissing for trust?” Jess suddenly asked, far too loudly for Daryl’s comfort.

“Shh! What is with you today?! Ya so damn loud!” He hissed, worriedly looking over at Aaron again, who clearly hadn’t heard a word and also hadn’t moved an inch. “What are ya talkin’ ‘bout?”

“Well, you started kissing me and now you don’t trust me anymore.” She explained casually.

“For god sakes.” He mumbled to himself as he rose to his feet and scuffed around on the decking. He lit a cigarette and did a small double-take at her while she eagerly awaited some kind of answer. “I do that because I trust ya.” He muttered.

“Then tell me how you knew how to open that safe.”

Daryl, much like his brother, was no angel before the turn. Following in Merle Dixon’s footsteps came with a price and that price was usually paid in the form of a criminal record and a list of things that he wished he’d never got involved in. At the time, he hardly knew any different, their life lived on the edge, drunk and high and notorious for being unpredictable and volatile was the norm and with no other role models to turn to, Daryl didn’t have a chance to choose a different path. He’d been in more fights than he could count, never being one to back down from a questionable look or an offensive remark made in a bar. He’d given Jess hints, snippets of who he used to be and the Daryl she’d met at the quarry was the start of his transition into becoming his own person. The turn itself had given him the clarity he needed to open his mind and showed him that Merle’s way was not the only way. Daryl had always been the more sensitive of the two and was naturally analytical, but he knew that voicing any opinions against anything Merle said was likely to get him punched. He’d done a lot of things that he wasn’t proud of, things that he never really wanted Jess to know. Things that made him so far removed from the kind of person she deserved to be with. He didn’t deserve forgiveness or the benefit of the doubt. He knew what he was and that was a redneck with a record and a lot of regrets.

“Did some stuff I ain't proud of.” He grumbled, pleading with her in his mind to just leave the subject alone. He didn’t want to lie to her, but he didn’t want her to know the lows he’d stooped to either.

“Haven’t we all?” She mused.

“I mean before.” He added. “Ya don’t wanna know.”

“I do.” She corrected “I do want to know. Tell me.”

She was begging him with her innocent eyes, urging him to trust her and he found it almost impossible to decline. She’d seen his temper; she’d been witness to and on the end of his biting remarks when he was angry and she still came back to him. He’d heard it with his own ears that she liked him as more than a friend, even after seeing the parts of his character that he loathed and she’d trusted him with her life and continued to do so. Something told him that she wasn’t about to let the subject go and if she did, she would only ask again at a later date and so, he gave in, deciding not to mention too many details.

“Never robbed a bank. But other places, yeah.” He admitted.

Her face lit up as if he’d graced her with the most valuable nugget of information that nobody else could ever know and on the inside, her heart sang with the fact that he had opened up about something so potentially precarious. She told herself not to react too dramatically, or he was likely to close up again altogether.

“Other places…?” She probed gently.

“Mmhmm. The odd house. Merle used to scope places out n’ we’d go in. Usually rich folks. More money than sense. Some bars n’ liquor stores too.” He confessed.

“You ever hurt anybody?” She wanted to know. She was conscious that the question might well backfire on her but after a brief spell of him chewing nervously on his bottom lip and taking a long drag of his smoke, he nodded solemnly.

“Couple times. Not women. Or kids. Had to keep folks in line, y’know? Stop ‘em callin’ the cops. Never killed nobody…before the turn anyways”

He expelled smoke from his lungs, the plume rising in a bluish cloud above him. The smell of nicotine stung her nose and she realized that he was having trouble bringing his gaze back to her. He was ashamed and it was written all over him. In his body language, in his eyes when she managed to catch sight of them and in his tone of voice. She felt guilt burn in her chest for making him discuss it, but if she never really knew his past, how could she know how far he’d come? It was obvious to Jess that the Daryl that was standing in front of her was most definitely not the Daryl from before the world went bad and she wasn’t about to let him believe otherwise.

“Can you pick locks?” She asked with genuine interest.

“Depends on the lock. But mostly, yeah.”

“And hotwire cars?”

“Yeah.”

She giggled to herself and shook her head in disbelief. The criminal element to his past activities didn’t matter to her anymore, he wasn’t a danger to her or anyone else in Alexandria and the fact that he’d had such a shady past only aided him in his need to protect those he loved in the new world. He wasn’t afraid to do what it took and he didn’t do anything by halves.

“That is so cool.” She expressed, looking up and finding him staring down at her. She lifted a hand and extended her index finger, pointing at him. “You, Dixon… are cooler than a childhood secret handshake”

“Look, if you’d known me back then-” He tried

“-I did know you back then. I met you at the quarry.” She cut in.

He threw his smoke away and let out a long sigh, briefly turning his back to her and leaning on the fencing around the porch. He could see that Aaron was now on his feet and wandering through the front yards of the houses opposite, peeing into windows and opening discarded suitcases.

“I ain’t a good guy, Jess.” She heard him mumble.

“What a load of hooey.” She scoffed.

He shot her a baffled glance over his shoulder and slowly turned around, leaning back against the barrier.

“Hooey? What are you, ninety-four?!”

“Oh, shut up. You are a good person. Okay, look at Ironman.” She mentioned.

“Ironma-what?!” He questioned in exasperation at yet another superhero analogy. He weighed up the benefits of at least trying to pick up one of Carl’s comics for research purposes at some point.

“Tony Stark!” She cried, flinging her hands up “He was a selfish playboy who managed to win the heart of Pepper Potts. Tony did stupid shit all the time, like creating Ultron. But from Ultron came Vision who was a badass character and Tony ended up still being kinda selfish but an altogether good person. I’m rambling, you uh…wanna stop me?”

“Aaron.” He said blankly with a nudge of his head in Aarons direction.

“Right. Aaron’s there. Fine. My point is, it doesn’t matter who you were. What matters is who you are now and what you do with the very useful skills you have. You are a good person, Daryl. And you are cool.” She informed him with a sincerity to her tone that conveyed her belief in what she was saying.

His face changed and his gaze became more intense as he tried to fight the urge to tell her that she should stay away from men like him. That she had no business believing that he was anything other than Merle Dixon’s brother, the criminal redneck with the bad temper.

“Don’t be so naïve, Jess. People, they only show ya what they want you to see. Some folks, they try…they try to be good but inside, all there is... is darkness and pain n’ all the fucked-up shit that they did.”

She leaned back against the bench’s backrest, thudding her jacket against it and crossing one leg over the other.

“Woah. Okay. That’s deep. Take it easy, Bucky.” She smirked to herself.

Suddenly, he remembered overhearing Jess telling Carl that Bucky Barnes was her favorite superhero. It dawned on him that for her to refer to him by that name, it must mean that she saw him as similar. The idea was all kinds of wrong to him. How could he ever be seen in the same vein as a superhero? In his own mind, he was far from it and he didn’t want Jess believing something that he simply would not be able to live up to.

“Winter Soldier.” He said

Her eyes widened and what had started as a throwaway comment that she thought would just get bypassed, had now opened up the truth; that Daryl was her superhero.

“You heard me.” She stated

Aaron was approaching and she quickly shifted her eyes to alert Daryl to his presence. He was only a few feet away, walking along the path towards the front porch they were both residing on.

“Yeah, I heard ya. Shouldn’t call me that name. I ain’t no superhero. Far from it.” He quickly threw in before Aaron could hear anything.

“You don’t see it, but you are to a lot of people. And you are to me.” She concluded.

Standing up to acknowledge Aaron, she clocked extra movement from behind him and the telltale gurgling of blood-filled lungs. Her heart jumped into her throat.

“Walker! WALKER!” She yelled, ripping her bow from her shoulder. “Shit! AARON!”

Daryl however, was quicker off the mark and grabbed his crossbow, fired a bolt and put down the threat before Jess could even choose an arrow. Aaron’s jaw almost hit the floor when he turned to find that the corpse was within grabbing distance and he was soon charging over to Daryl to shake his hand.

“That thing came out of nowhere. Little too close for comfort. Thanks, man.” He said with a form grip around Daryl's fist.

“Anytime.” Daryl replied.

*

Deanna’s son, Spencer wasn’t half as popular as his fair and reasonable mother. He’d been caught on various occasions taking more than he was allowed from the pantry and had rubbed Daryl up the wrong way right from the day Rick's group arrived. There was something about him that Daryl never trusted and it was for that reason, that he kept his distance and was careful not to disclose any valuable information around him.

Jess had hardly spoken to him, even having arrived in Alexandria considerably earlier than Daryl she’d avoided him due to receiving much the same vibes from him as Daryl did. She also thought him to be creepy and disrespectful towards women, which was surprising considering who his mother was and Jess’s reasonably solid relationship to her.

The trucks were left at the side of the road to be unloaded the next morning with the help of others from the community. Jess hugged Aaron goodbye and stood aside when he shook Daryl’s hand and thanked him a second time for saving his skin. As she backed up, she collided with somebody and spun around to find Spencer grinning down at her from his tall height.

“Spencer, Hi. Sorry, I didn’t know you were there.” She apologized, moving back and creating a considerable distance between them. Daryl hovered around behind her, listening closely and telling himself he’d rather shoot Spencer between the eyes with a bolt than leave her alone with him.

“How are you?” He asked.

“Uh, Fine.” Jess replied curtly.

“Y’know, I’ve seen all the work you’ve done to help the town. How much you’ve changed since you showed up in that mask and hood. Now I know your name, I thought it might be good to get to know you a little better. Maybe you’d like to join me for dinner tonight.” He explained.

Daryl’s hands curled into tight fists at his side and he swallowed hard in an effort to contain the pure fury that was bubbling in his chest. Over her shoulder, Spencer could see the archer glaring angrily at him as he slowly paced back and forth like a guard dog about to attack.

Back off asshole. Lay one fuckin’ finger on her n’ I’ll knock you so hard, you’ll see tomorrow today.

Shocked by the offer and having it come from absolutely nowhere, Jess immediately decided that if this was not some kind of joke, then it was a setup for whatever Spencer’s ulterior motive must be. She couldn’t possibly fathom what she might have that he would ever want, but she certainly had no designs on finding out.

“Thank you for the invitation but I’m going to politely decline. I’m heading home, it’s been a long day. Goodnight.” She delivered gracefully, stepping away and walking to the gate. Daryl was infuriated to find as Jess walked away, Spencer’s eyes dragged up and down her body and he licked his lips, shamelessly checking her out, almost as if he was trying to provoke a response. When he turned back, he found Daryl stood inches from his face with one hand on his knife.

“You think cause you’re Deanna’s son you can get away with whatever ya want?” He growled. Spencer’s mouth dropped open but no sound emerged and Daryl wasn’t in the mood to wait around for chit chat. “You listen to me. If I ever catch you lookin’ at her like that again, I’ma tear your heart outta your ass n’ shove it down your throat. You hearin’ me?”

With one eyebrow flickering up and the badly disguised fear that Daryl had instilled in him settling behind his eyes. Spencer nodded once and backed up, clearing his throat as he turned and walked away.

*

Daryl didn’t ask to walk her home or stay the night. In fact, conversation was now so far from his mind while he settled his rage that he stalked along behind Jess, having caught her up. She quickly guessed that being walked home was going to be a regular thing since the threat of attack was now even more heightened. What was unusual, was the quietness that resonated from beside her as Daryl ambled along the path, pushing branches aside. After such a chat-filled day, she thought it a little strange that he hadn’t uttered a single word yet.

“You’re quiet. What’s wrong?” She asked.

“M’always quiet.” He grumbled.

“Alright. Whatever.” She shrugged, feeling her body heat surge under her jacket “Ahh, it’s evening and it’s still so hot. What I wouldn’t give for some Blue Belle right now.”

“What’s that?” He questioned, sounding as though he couldn’t have cared less.

“Only the best ice cream made in Texas. Preferably chocolate chip cookie dough. It was my pre-apocalypse, binge-eating go-to.” She told him with a slight smile at the memory of the finest tasting treat she’d ever eaten. Of all the things she missed, Blue Belle was most definitely one of them.

“Nice.” He grunted.

“Single girls best friend. Along with cats…and vibrators.” She continued to babble, feeling him glance sideways at her “So I’m told.”

The temptation to hint at being single, even at the end of the world was strong and so, she’d given in in the small hope that he might pick up on it and make some kind of comment about how she couldn’t exactly call herself single anymore. She could hope, but it didn’t happen. In fact, all that did transpire was another long and tension-filled silence.

“Sonofabitch” She suddenly sighed, flapping her hands noisily by her sides and stopping on the path. “It’s like you’re not even here. What is it? What’s bothering you?”

“S’nothin’.” He uttered, unwilling to lie to her and tell her the truth at the same time. He was torn between coming across as jealous once more or throwing her a mistruth to keep her attention away from the fact that it literally made his blood boil when another man looked at her or spoke to her in a remotely sexual way.

“Daryl, just tell me.” She demanded with a sternness on her face that he didn’t necessarily want to contend with. If he pushed back and continued to deny it, she would become angrier and the last thing he wanted was to fight with her.

“Alright, fine” He snapped “Just…don’t overthink it, or freak out, okay?”

“I will…try. I will try not to do that.” She attempted to promise, knowing full well that her specialties were overthinking and freaking out.

“It’s Abe. He keeps harpin’ on about havin’ sex with ya. Now Spencer’s got a thing for ya too.”

Jess didn’t think before she did it, but when a laugh tumbled from her lips at the thought of Abraham making any serious moves on her while he was with Rosita, or even at all, it had proved too amusing to ignore. From her perspective, Daryl just couldn’t not understand the type of friendship she had with the big, cocky military guy. Maybe it was because he’d never been party to such a friendship in his life before, or maybe it was because Abraham’s humour and take on life was different to Daryl’s. Either way, he would only continue to get riled up by it unless she tried to explain it to him.

“Abe really does not mean that, Daryl.” She assured him.

“You sure ‘bout that?” he questioned.

“Yes, I am actually. He’s military. That’s his humor and I’m used to it because that’s how I grew up, I was an Army brat. I see a lot of my brother and his friends in Abe and that’s why we get along so well.” She conveyed.

Daryl thought back to when Merle had left the Military. Dishonorably discharged for punching his superior. It was no more than Daryl expected at the time. He’d arrived back at the Dixon house with a bag of his belongings and much the same humor as he’d possessed before he embarked on a new route in his life. Daryl couldn’t blame the military for Merle’s low opinion of women, the way he saw them as pieces of meat most of the time was present long before his days doing drills and target practice.

“So, ya ain’t gonna… Y’know?” He checked with a certain nervous disposition. The thumb of one of his hands was anxiously tapping away at the bottom of his vest.

“No! That’d be like incest.” She grimaced.

“Right.” He grunted “What ‘bout Spencer? Guys a dick.”

He refrained from admitting that he’d squared up to Spencer and threatened him with violence if he ever looked at Jess the wrong way again. He knew there was a very good chance that word would get back to her about that anyway and all he needed was one, little excuse to follow up on his promise. But he knew that Jess would only bombard him with questions he just couldn’t answer.

“Yeah, he is and I’m not interested. Why do you care about who wants to sleep with me, anyway?” She wanted to know.

Then, Daryl broke his own code. The lie had drifted out like it was nothing.

“I don’t.”

In the back of his mind, he cursed himself.

C’mon. You fuckin’ pussy. You do care. Don’t lie to her.

“So, this brooding silence is all for nothing.” She snapped, flapping her hands by her side and charging off. He sighed in frustration and continued to follow her, almost able to feel the irritation radiating from her very being. They covered only a short distance before she stopped out of the blue once more and blocked his path.

“Look, even if he does want to sleep with me, it’s a compliment. I’m no supermodel but why wouldn’t a guy want to have sex with me? I mean, I spent my whole life thinking I’m not good enough. But maybe I am. I may be a geek to the bone but I have feelings and needs and I’m not a freakin’ nun. I didn’t have the willpower to go down that road, remember?”

All at once, it occurred to him that in his desperate need to keep her away from anyone else’s affections, he’s somehow managed to offend her. His head grew louder as he tried to find a way to put things right, tried to search for something to say, for a way to explain away the fact that he hated the idea of anyone but him being able to touch her. But the words wouldn’t present themselves from the ocean on muddled thoughts in his head. Words were just not his forte. 

“I didn’t mean…just forget it.” He mumbled.

“No. Y’know what? Why not Abe or even Spencer? You don’t want them anywhere near me yet I’m not good enough for you to want me, am I, Daryl?”

His whole body went rigid at the sound of her question. His eyes widened and even his nervous hand tapping on his vest ceased. She’d been pushed to the edge and he hadn’t even realized the can of worms he was opening as he was speaking. His heart sank when she stormed off and left him there, clueless and afraid that he might have just screwed everything up with the one person that had ever meant anything to him and all because he had no idea how to tell her how he really felt.

*

He kicked at the bushes and leaves on the ground around him as darkness blanketed the woods. Emotions had ever been easy for Daryl to contend with. A lifetime of stuffing them down, being beaten for crying by his father and having his older brother try to ‘make a man’ out of him. He still felt them, searing and powerful and unchecked, more often than not translating into violent outbursts or a feeling of too much all at once that usually led to cigarette burns on the back of his hands or some other self-destructive way of release. Now, he had feelings of an altogether different kind, new and complicated and truly terrifying even to someone of his level of courage. Those feelings were gradually tearing down everything that was good when they should have been building it up. Jess. She was the good in his life. She was the thing that made him smile and laugh and brought out things in him that he never even knew were there to begin with. He was going to lose her unless he did something, unless he acted with haste and the only way he knew how to do that was with actions instead of words.

 Jess was staring at a blank page in her journal when the bell on the gate rang. She clenched her jaw, snapping the pen between her teeth and throwing it on the bed along with what had proved to be a useless form of venting. The pages of the journal bent and scrunched when the book hit the quilt after she carelessly threw it aside.

She stood up, ran her hands down her black tank top and grey sweatpants and tugged the tie from her hair as she squinted through the gap in the blacked out window. Daryl was eagerly treading back and forth beyond the gate, his crossbow swinging by his side and his eyes sweeping the floor as he moved. She could tell, even from her distance away that he was battling some kind of internal war with himself and she prepared for what was looking likely to be an awkward exchange.

She headed outside, slamming the door behind her and running a hand through her hair as she reached the gate. He stopped and threaded his crossbow across his shoulder, his bottom lip clamped under his teeth.

“You’re mad at me” He stated before she could speak. “I ain't leavin’ things that way.”

“I’m tired. It makes me sassy. Apparently” She said quietly, wishing that she could leave and go back to the diner. To the quietness where she could at least try and make sense of how everything was changing. She was reaching the end of her tether and the direct and angry question that she’d spat at him like it was acid had worked its way out from the back of her mind. She didn’t have the strength to hold it back anymore.

“Kinda like your sass.” He admitted, moving closer to the gate and linking his fingers through it. “You gonna let me in?”

“Shouldn’t you be getting back to the house?” She asked.

He dipped his head for a moment and leaned it against the fencing. His hair flattened and she heard him drag in a deep breath before he raised his head again and positioned his eyes between the diamond gaps in the structure, looking right at her and silently pleading with her to just let him inside.

“Need to put somethin’ straight first” he answered.

“That’s very cryptic” she muttered, unimpressed and flicking the latch on the gate to allow him access.

He followed her wordlessly to the diner and as soon as he clicked the door closed behind them, he wasted no time in reaching out to grab her hand, quickly halting her and closing the gap between them. Her hands instinctively came up and rested on his chest, as if she was about to push him away but he held onto her tightly, with one hand holding her waist and the other raised to her face. His finger was extended over her lips, signaling that he didn’t want her to talk. To him, it wasn’t the time for it. She couldn’t move, couldn’t speak. His fingers curled against the skin of her waist, almost gripping her flesh and the want in his touch matched that of his eyes, which were piercing and serious. He hadn’t even kissed her but it was enough to make her weaken in his grasp and she felt her legs begin to tremble. He could sense her anxiety and removed his finger from her lips, bringing his face close to hers and pressing soft kisses to her nose and cheeks, guiding her hair from her eyes with a gentle sweeping of his fingertips. His voice was a mere whisper but it was the only sound in the room and Jess was glad of it when she heard the words swirl around her mind.

“You think I don’t want you.”

It was a statement. Not a question. Her heart jumped and her stomach flipped and she almost gasped when she realized that her earlier assumption, the idea that he didn’t want her, was so important to him that he’d refused to leave it alone until he could put it right.

He gently kissed her and she seemed to clamber up to him, rising to her tip toes and feeding her constant need for him. The fill the void in her soul that was only made for him. She loved him and every time he touched her; she was even more sure of it. Her hands snaked up his chest, settling on either side of his strong and tanned neck and she was holding him to her with enough strength to tell him that she did not have designs on pulling away. Her body was pressed to his, aided by the hand at her waist now travelling around and pressing at her lower back. She tensed slightly at first but was soon arching herself into him as their kiss shifted in intensity and she felt his tongue dance against hers. She raised her arms and draped them over his shoulders and he took it as permission to pull her even closer, with a sharp tug that made her gasp against his lips.

The skin of her shoulder sparkled at his touch when she felt him nudging the strap of her tank top aside and his lips left hers to create a delightful trail from her jaw down her neck and across her collarbone. He still had hold of her strap and the more he pulled it down, the more the ball of anxiety in her stomach grew. She tried to blink it away, to focus on how good it felt to let him lavish her with attention that she could only ever have dreamed about. She’d wanted it for so long, the chance to be so close to him, to know the urgency of his touch and see in his eyes that he wanted her. He wanted her.

“You okay…?” He asked between kisses.

“Yeah.” She breathed.

“Put ya legs around my waist.” He rasped at her.

“Wha-”

She didn’t have time to ask questions. She held her breath when both of his big arms enveloped her waist and she was lifted from the floor, her toes wiggled and the soles of her feet were suddenly cold. With her attached to him, legs gripping his middle and his lips now back on hers, he walked her to the diner’s countertop, sitting her on the edge and lifting both of his hands to her front. When he grazed over the shape of her breasts, he was careful not to use too much pressure no matter how much he wanted to, it would all happen with time and too much, too soon could spell disaster. Gauging her reaction and taking her pink, moistened lips and breathlessness to be a good thing, he stepped things up. He placed his hands on her thighs but was mindful not to grip where she’d been grabbed before by the harsh digits of those that she didn’t want to touch her. She managed to glance down between them, to find his fingers gliding over her legs, up to her pelvis, his thumbs smoothing along her inner thighs to make her core sing and her nerves spark even through her sweatpants. Reaching her hips again, he dragged her over the counters surface and something tightened inside him when he eased one of her legs aside and positioned himself between them. His own self-doubt began to toy with him. It had been so long since he’d been in any kind of intimate situation that he wasn’t sure of his own abilities. But she was still kissing him and smiling against him and she hadn’t stopped him yet.

Jess didn’t really know what to expect and so far, everything was steaming along in a lusty haze. Half of her wanted to surrender to him and let him do what he wanted, while the other half of her was screaming to her to stop and that she wasn’t ready for it. But she was stunned that a man such as Daryl, who looked so rough and unrefined, could be so gentle and thoughtful with every connection to her skin and every kiss. The pull to carry on, to ignore the voice in the back of her mind that was telling her it was all too much was being stifled by him winding a hand into her hair and slowly easing her head back. She felt his lips and tongue on her neck, tasting her and sucking the flesh just enough to add a slither of pain, a delightful thrum of a new sensation.

“You think I don’t want you” He growled again against her throat. “I do”

She couldn’t help it, her hand delved into his hair as her eyes snapped open and as she stared at the ceiling, totally flabbergasted by his admittance. She’d never felt anything like it, never heard anyone tell her such a thing and his enthusiasm was knocking her for six. How could she possibly be provoking this kind of yearning from him? Her head was full of questions, but the urge to act now and think later was presiding. His hands moved again, this time venturing to the bottom of her top as he kissed her hungrily.

“Want me to keep goin’?” He asked when his lips momentarily left hers. She tried to speak but nothing but a hush of air emerged. She nodded.

He slowly eased his hands inside her top and the warmth and roughness of him felt amazing on her skin but she began to feel self-conscious when he reached parts of her torso that had not always been that way. Once, they’d felt different and as a result of her evolution, she was left with the marks to prove it. Straight away her limbs were so shaky, it was like they were fading away to nothing. Her muscles tightened under his palms and she tensed up. When he noticed, he didn’t need to ask for an explanation and removed his hands, changing tact and kissing her slowly and deeply. To him, she was curvaceous and alluring in ways that he couldn't even began to try and explain. He just wanted to explore her, all of her, all at once. She groaned against him, experiencing a rush of affection for his choosing not to make a big deal out of her reluctance. But then, he slid his hands down her back to her ass, pulling her hips flush with his pelvis. Yes, it had been a long time indeed for Daryl and the urge to press himself against her had proved to be all too strong. In one, swift movement, the hot and hard sensation that she found held between her legs caused her to shut down. She froze. Every muscle in her body going totally still and all he could do was look down at her, battling the onset of sheer panic.

“Jess? You alright?” he asked with a shaky voice.

“I…I need to stop.” She stammered.

He immediately held his hands up and stepped out from between her legs, showing her in no uncertain terms that he was listening and doing as she asked. He turned to the side and cleared his throat, subtly using one hand to adjust himself in his pants as she slid down from the counter and pulled her straps back up.

“Please will you leave.” She whispered.

“What? What did I do?” He questioned worriedly.

“Nothing. Please, just leave.” She pleaded.

When he noticed that she couldn’t even look at him, his hands went to his head and he briefly pushed his palms to his eyes, devastated by the notion that he might have taken things too far and scared her. His chest was so tight with despair he felt like he couldn’t breathe.

“Oh… shit.” She heard him whimper before he dropped his arms and gave her the saddest and most desperate look that she never even realized he was capable of. “I thought this was OK. I asked ya. You said it was. I thought you wanted to-”

“Daryl. Please… go” She said, closing her eyes and fighting back tears.

“Alright. Fine. I’m goin’.”

The door slamming made her flinch and the absence of him in the room hit her in the gut like a punch. She buckled over and sank to the floor, hugging her knees and pushing her eyes closed, tears managing to work their way out from beneath as sobs wracked her body.

Masterlist

Fear not, dear readers, this story will continue. I’ll post chapter 30 soon.  We took a break as we’ve been working on this story for the past year.  We haven’t abandoned it at all.  Mistress Mistrust is focusing on her studies but will be back.

-- tagging as requested --

@woundmetender @lilred254 @lonewolf471

[graduationemmasep]

'I like the way MDMA gives you a deep sense of connection to your friends'

I'm no fiend. Most nights I'd rather share a bottle of wine with some friends than stay up till 6am getting sweaty and boggle-eyed on a bender. But while I associate alcohol with talking about past experiences, I associate drugs with making new ones. Party drugs can often make a stranger feel like a confidant; a simple trip to a town centre feel like an Enid Blyton escapade.

I probably take class-A party drugs such as MDMA or cocaine once a fortnight, and have done since I was 16 (I'm 27 now). I like the way cocaine gives you a new lease of life, like a mushroom in Super Mario, to carry on with a night out. I like the way MDMA softens the edges of reality and gives you a deep sense of connection to your friends that you can never get when you meet them for dinner and they moan about their jobs. I like how when you're coming down from a pill another person's touch has a comforting, almost electric capacity. If you're suffering from exhaustion, anxiety or stress, recreational drugs can give you a bit of a leg-up.

Drugs can also be a total pain. Ecstasy can make you feel like you're floating in a cloud, but just as often it's an admin nightmare: you come up at different times from your friends; only half the people in a group remembered to get sorted and there's endless hassle at a party trying to get more. Even when you're having a great time, there's a self-doubting internal monologue running through the whole process: Have I done enough? Am I coming up? Do I look like a prick?

I would just like to have that conversation about drugs being sometimes brilliant and occasionally annoying. Yet I feel like there is no one who is willing to talk about drugs in those terms.

When children ask their parents where babies come from, they get a white lie – a stork delivers them, you find them in a cabbage patch, you order them from Ocado. That's the closest thing I can think of to explain the difference between the perception and the reality of drug use by young people in the UK. There is a societal stork myth that is propagated by the media and popular culture to hide a basic reality. Even users themselves are entirely unwilling to talk about drug-taking honestly. Everything in the drugs world tries to stifle this conversation. Take nightclubs. It doesn't take a genius to work out that staying up till 6am listening to dance music at an ear-splitting volume would not only be unenjoyable without some kind of mind-altering stimulant, but a painful test of endurance. Most people in big nightclubs are on drugs. The clubs know that: that's why they charge so much for entry and, often, for bottles of water. They know that not many people will be buying drinks. Most of them have in-house dealers too, so they can sort out their DJs. Bigger DJs put requests for drugs on their rider. "We just put it on expenses as 'fruit and flowers'," a promoter at a major nightclub told me this year. But there's still a stork charade, with the venue covered in posters promising to eject drug users and bouncers searching punters – but not too thoroughly. The pretence is that this could all be above board.

I suppose the reason for this false picture of drug-taking is that most people don't take drugs. The statistics show that only a small fraction of the UK population are regular drugs users, and a smaller fraction still do anything harder than weed. But drug use is not spread evenly across the country, nor across age groups. In my demographic – under 30, living in London, job in the creative industries, disposable income – almost everyone is a recreational drugs user.

Where I grew up in south London, it was pretty uncommon to find someone who didn't at least smoke weed. The children of more middle-class parents were taking cocaine, ecstasy, ketamine and mephedrone almost every weekend. These were not reprobates ruining their lives: they were intelligent, bright people who got three As at A-level and went to good universities.

We would go to raves in places such as Camberwell and Hackney Wick, to warehouse venues where almost no one was over 18. White powders flowed as freely as the Fanta Fruit Twist and Malibu we were drinking. Festivals played a big part, too. Parents, even quite strict ones who wouldn't dream of letting their kids out past midnight, were happy to send their kids to music festivals, perhaps because of the reverent music-focused coverage in the media.

If you go to somewhere like Reading or Benicàssim, almost everyone is under 20. Half of them barely leave the campsite. Festivals are drugs playgrounds where teenagers experiment with copious amounts of uppers in presumably quite dangerous combinations. Some of the best moments of my life took place going to festivals as a teenager. I remember one muddy year at Glastonbury, racing down the hill arm-in-arm with a bunch of people, all off our faces on MDMA, feeling happier than I had ever felt. Another year, I remember taking mephedrone with a girl I fancied during Blur's headline set, both weeping with joy at a band we'd grown up with our whole lives.

Again, everyone knows this; no one thinks the thousands who watch the sunrise at the stone circle in Glastonbury every year are just on a high from seeing Mumford and Sons. But the festivals keep up the pretence that they are drug-free zones. Even a recent BBC3 show, Festivals, Sex and Suspicious Parents, which was supposed to show parents what their kids really got up to at festivals, ignored the fact that as the cameras panned around the festival, many revellers were plainly as high as a kite, their jaws swinging back and forth like pendulums, a side-effect of taking ecstasy. The voiceover just kept talking about people being "drunk".

I am also part of the first generation of people whose parents are likely to have been drug users. Of course, some adults would be outraged, like the parents on BBC3, to see what their kids got up to. But many more knew only too well – plenty of people I know would smoke weed or share dealers with their parents. In some families drug use had less stigma than smoking.

I thought all this was normal, but at university I met, for the first time, young people who totally abstained from drugs. They mostly came from outside major cities, or outside the UK, and many shivered in horror when they saw the rest of us dabbing our gums with mysterious white powders. I thought there would be a rift in social lives, an us-and-them situation, but it was around that time that mephedrone happened. Known by literally no young person ever as "meow meow", mephedrone was a legal high that changed attitudes towards drug-taking. Polite do-right kids who would never dream of taking illegal drugs were happy to chow down on bombs (self-made wontons of mephedrone powder wrapped in Rizla) like they were no more risqué than chocolate liqueurs.

Mephedrone was incredibly cheap – about a tenner a gram – and incredibly available. You could order it with next-day delivery to your university PO box. Mephedrone was a drugs phenomenon of which I have never seen the likes before or since. Everyone started doing it. I remember visiting a friend at Leeds University during this period. We went to a club and the queue for the men's bogs was at least 70 people long. When I finally got inside the place stunk of mephedrone, you could hear everyone loudly sniffing.

On nights out during this time, everyone would be raging – making out with one another, dancing with total abandon. But the comedowns were immediate and severe, far worse than ecstasy. By 4am people would be lying on the floor sharing the most intimate and personal shames and secrets, as if the drug was somehow compelling them to be honest. Some people called it a truth serum. Friendships were forged in the hot irons of that emotional exposition, as were the most horrendous hangovers.

Mephedrone was banned within two years of it taking off. People talk a lot about one legal high being banned only for another to take its place, but the real legacy of mephedrone was to numb the stigma of harder drugs. By the time I left university, many of the drug abstainers who had tried mephedrone became relaxed about most illegal drugs, too.

Ecstasy and mephedrone make it pretty hard to get much done in the days after taking them. You can't regularly use them and be a successful, functioning adult, so they become a rarer treat once you leave student life. In their 20s most people are overworked: they have second jobs and work incredibly long hours. If they're going to go out on a Friday night they need a pick-me-up. And that is why cocaine remains the young professional's drug of choice.

I see cocaine usage almost every weekend wherever I go: clubs, pubs, people's houses, dinner parties. At fancy celebrity parties, the sort you see on Mail Online, cocaine is so prevalent that it's almost boring. Everyone does it – butter-wouldn't-melt TV presenters, wholesome pop stars adored by your mum, people who would immediately lose their job if anyone found out. Those tabloid stings where they catch someone doing cocaine are kind of hilarious in that respect. If you followed any celebrity around with a secret camera on a Friday night you'd be almost guaranteed to find them doing coke. But cocaine users are like hipsters in the way they will vehemently deny they are one, and cast aspersions on others. "It was just full of self-aggrandising wankers doing coke and talking about themselves," someone will say about a party where they did cocaine and talked about themselves. Most of my friends are cocaine users, but I've never heard them say one nice thing about cocaine.

No doubt some people will have read this piece and think that I am just a monstrous twat, that this has all been little more than infantile boasting in a vain attempt to try to sound cool. But that, too, is part of the cover-up, that any open discussion of using drugs or enjoying them is necessarily a boast. We can talk about great food, great films, great sex, but if we talk about great drugs we immediately sound like we're engaging in some teenage bravado. That's why the biggest taboo surrounding drugs today isn't taking drugs, but saying that they're fun.

I'm not saying that people are lying about the negative effects. I have, of course, seen lives ruined by drugs. Rarely has this been because of an overdose or because someone has ruined themselves financially because of addiction (although I am only 27 – that may yet come). Far more often I have just seen people become dulled through regular drug use: their youthful spark extinguished by a never-ceasing quest to get on it; brains frazzled by overheated synapses. There are friends I want to slap every time I see them doing another line, but I can't because that would be hypocritical.

I also appreciate that's it's easy to be blasé about drug use when you're a well-adjusted middle-class white guy who has never been stopped by the police and has a distant non-social relationship with their drug dealer. For many people, drugs aren't something they can dip in and out of and separate from their lives. People entangled in the economic and legal realities of drugs – dealers, those convicted of possession, addicts – don't have the luxury of my relaxed attitude.

But until we stop pretending that getting high is inherently bad – that drugs can never be brilliant, can never enhance human experience for the better – how can we properly deal with people whose lives have been made worse by drugs? At some point, kids grow up and learn the facts of life. I think it's time we all had the talk.

[pettishrew]

P E T E R   P E T T I G R E W   B A C K G R O U N D

BASICS:

Name: Peter Thomas Pettigrew Age: Twenty Birthday: August 22nd Job: Obliviator w/ the Department of Magical Accident and Catastrophes House: Gryffindor 

PERSONALITY: 

+ forgiving, analytical, easy-going, optimistic    - forgiving - peter is the type of person that could be stepped one over and over again and he would forgive the person. It would be easy to say he would be bullied had it not been for the rest of the boys, but he probably wouldn’t have even considered it like that. He is so used to being the butt of the joke, or the scapegoat for a situation that he has grown very complicate and even willing falls into that role. This often makes him the best suited to be the mediator to some of the more temperamental discussions between them all.      -  analytical - although described my McGonagall as someone who was not as talented, smart, nor-popular as James and Sirius, Peter is extremely analytical. He likes to think through a situation before acting and being able to weigh and consider the various outcomes. This doesn’t mean that he is unwilling to go into risky situations, because he definitely is, but he likes to know what he stands to lose if things go sour. The world to him is a very large list of pros and cons, he is just ultimately deciding how the chips fall.     - easy-going - as personalities go Peter provides a nice contrast to the rest of the boy because he tends to go with the flow, more excited to be included than opinionated on what they should do. He tends not to harbor a lot of stress and is very passive when it comes to a variety of topics. This makes him easy to be around, and sometimes he provides more of a wall for people to talk at than someone who is actively apart of the conversation. This makes him a stellar listener and someone to confide in.      - optimistic - generally his outlook on the world leans toward the side of optimism, he likes to assure people that things are going to be all right even if it does not distinctly look like it’s going to actually be that way. This is also part of the reason he seemed to get low marks in classes because he was optimistic about the outcomes without always putting in the effort or work to receive a higher one. Overall his optimism is often a welcome change in a world that seems to be getting bleaker by the day. Just because his words are optimistic though doesn’t mean he wholeheartedly believes them. He would just rather lie to placate someone than strike fear in them.  -  fearful, cunning, indecisive, meek    - fearful - peter’s main motivation in life has always been fear. It began when he was younger with his parents and has continued onto his adult life. War, in particular, makes people do things based out of fear, and Peter is not exempt. Him joining the Order in some blind faith act in his friends, in this lie that Gryffindor’s are always brave, and that they are going to win this. He is fearful of what they would think of him if he declines. He is fearful of a future in which he fights and dies. He is fearful of what happens if he lives.  And most of all, his boggart even, has shown that his greatest fear is Lord Voldemort. He is plagued with the unending sense of doom that looms around them, and how inescapable it truly is.      - cunning - peter pettigrew is a head shorter than Sirius their fourth year, and chubbier than him too according to Harry’s flashback. He is literally and figuratively looked over, not just by his friends, but by his enemies too. There is something about him, perhaps it’s his demeanor, that allows people to discredit his malicious intentions and motivations. It allows him to be cunning ( he was a hat stall between Slytherin and Gryffindor after all ) and uses that to his advantage. He was not some bumbling idiot that his memory would like to paint him, but he was smart and used to advance himself, even if it was to the detriment of his friends.        - indecisive - to the annoyance of many of his friends it often takes Peter a long time to make any sort of decision. He is more easily swayed if he his prodded by someone else who has a stronger opinion and this is mostly due to how analytical he likes to be. There are very few things in life had has decided for himself without the proper time to actually consider everything,       - meek - due to his fearful nature the boy tends to not be as outspoken as some of his other counterparts. He leans toward the meeker side and this often means that people who only interact with him in passing do not get to know who Peter actually is, or what would motivate him. This also contributes to why people are able to write him off so quickly despite his obvious talents for not only being supportive but also logical about his actions.  

BIOGRAPHY: ( it’s not the trigger list but the bio has some emotional abuse aspects )

     The Pettigrew Family is not one of any status. Poor Enid Pettigrew fell in love with muggle-born wizard Sean Morivan when they were freshly out of school themselves. Throughout their school careers, they did not accomplish anything worth noting, and this mediocrity continued onto their adult lives. They were distinctly middle class and never strived to provide above their means for their life. They saved where they could, spent minimally, and ultimately were on track to lead a quiet life. That was until Enid realized that she was pregnant, which was not in their life plan, but she had Peter anyway.  It was tight on their budget and it was going to make their lives more difficult, but Enid loved the boy so much even before he was born that there was no contest.        He was particularly close with his mother, but even in his youth, he could tell that there was a coldness from his father that he could not place. Peter tried his best to be just like his father, whether it was in intention or walking stance, his Father was the type of person that he wanted to grow up to be just like. However, Sean wanted less to do with him than that, he tolerated the boy but he was never nurturing. Enid tried to do the best for both of them, but she had her own shortcomings. She would leave Peter alone for long stretches of time so that he slowly learned that in order to survive he would have to care for himself. His existence was regulated to something that was better seen, but not heard, something that he adapted surprisingly well too.       Throughout his youth, his Father would comment on the boy’s weight, or demeanor. His lack of skills when it came to practical muggle things that no one had even taken the time to teach him. His words stung on such a young mind, especially from the person who he strived to emulate most. He was not the only one this fell down on though, because as Peter grew older, the arguments that came from his parents grew louder. Sean would speak poorly about Enid’s ability as a mother, or the way she cooked, it was constant in his words, whether passive or active. He was a big lumbering figure who cast a big shadow. When he got home from work Peter would often hide in the closet in his room, trying to create a reality better for himself in there.         Around his tenth birthday, a year shy of Hogwarts, his Father left out of the blue. It was mysterious and without a reason that Peter could find. Peter took on his Mother’s maiden last name as she reverted back to it and they were a small, but happier family for it. Old habits die hard though and Peter was never free from wishing that his Father would come back. Never free from thinking that he was the reason that he had left in the first place.  As the boy headed off to Hogwarts he was worried about making friends, there were fewer opportunities in his childhood to form those sorts of connections. On top of that, he was unsure about what house he felt suited him best – his Father had been in Slytherin, but his Mother had been a Hufflepuff. There was no exception for what he was supposed to be and thus wasn’t sure what to root for. Luckily after his hat stall, he found himself in a sea of red and gold, making fast friends with Sirius, James, and Remus, who were the best people he had met in his entire life.        He would have liked to think that he knew what friendship was before them, but he didn’t. They were much as a family as anything else he had and for the most part, he considered them as such. He was there to listen if they needed to rant or to help Remus study for his exams, more than anything he was happy to have a place where he felt not only safe but wanted. He had spent so much of his life with a poor opinion of himself that it was nice for the tides of change to overcome him while they were in school.  However, throughout this time there was a lot of issues that Peter dealt with in unhealthy ways throughout his time, because it allowed him to fully experience the traumatic and unhealthy nature of his childhood, in a way that he had never been able to process before in order to spare Enid’s feelings on the matter.        After Hogwarts, it hit him that perhaps throughout his time there he ought to have come up with a plan for his future. It was at the suggestion of one of the professors who had been keen enough to notice his non-verbal spell casting talents that he pursue a career with the Ministry as obliviator. It was not like he had any better plans, so that was what he pursued as the world around him began to shift. At the urging of his friends, he joined the Order – terrified – and began to be considered as someone who was apart of the resistance. In all honesty, the prospect of a war terrifies him. As he goes through the motions of weighing the pros and cons of what the outcome of his war has from him, he is beginning to be faced with the bleak realization that the odds might be stacked against them. He doesn’t dare say it aloud though, because saying it aloud makes it real and it’s better for now that it say a thought experiment. 

HEADCANONS:

H1: Peter has always craved attention. There was always something about him that allowed him to naturally blend into the background. Overlooked, and undervalued, he found himself begging for his parent's attention, begging for the positive attention of an adult.  Enid tried her best and probably came closest to that, but everyone else seemed to pass him by. McGonagall undervalues him, pinning him as a bumbling idiot before he can even display talent. His friends are a beacon, but they are also a metric to which he can be compared. He’s not as charming as James, or a smart as Remus, or as cool as Sirius. Peter is always compared to all the nots that comprise him, instead of the positives. Even if someone else doesn’t do it Peter will do it for himself. 

H2: Peter truly enjoys his animagus form. Most people would have been disappointed with a rat, but it brought him a vague sense of comfort. He enjoys the fact that he is a smaller, faster animal in comparison with a larger animal. Not only is it easier to hide in dangerous situations but he likes being in smaller spaces. While most people might be unsettled and feel claustrophobic, Peter just finds it cozy. Something about the whole practice makes him feel safer. So he wouldn’t change it even if he could. 

H3: Peter isn’t often one for vices, in fact by all accounts he’s a lightweight when it comes to liquor. He does have a pesky habit of smoking cigarettes though. It is something he picked up when he got out of Hogwarts. It was a way to destress from his chaotic job at times. It’s something that he has tried to quit a couple of times, but it keeps coming back to him. With the tensions with the war rising steadily since the Curse was laid out, he’s given up on dealing with that particular vice. He is often chided by his mother about the health concerns with them. So when he’s around the company who knows him well he is more likely to hide the habit than he would otherwise. 

H4: Peter has an intense sweet tooth. Probably to the point where the attendants at Honeydukes know his name. When he was younger he collected a ton of the chocolate frog cards. He is also one that would share the wealth if there were people around him to do so. If chocolate frogs aren’t available Sugar Quills are his next favorite. 

H5: Peter often has a stutter. It’s something that happened when he’s nervous. It was really pronounced when he was a kid. His mother would often tell him to work through it and envision the word. As he got older and grew comfortable so it doesn’t happen as often anymore. However, if he’s really intently nervous it will come out for a portion of the time. He hates it and will do his best to hide it if given the option. 

[apocalyvse]

11/11/11

I was tagged by @water-writings <3

1. Do you write fanfictions or original stories and did you ever write fanfiction?

I write (and always have written) both; I actually started writing fanfiction when I was like 10 years old, before I even knew what fanfiction was, and then later discovered that it was a whole thing. For quite a few years now fanfic has been my main thing, but I’ve got a few original things that I’m knuckling down on this year and really enjoying, so we’ll see.

2. Did you ever write your stories in the middle of class instead of paying attention?

Not in the middle of class really, but I did write like half a harry potter au fic sort of thing based off of some rp characters at the end of my year 11/12 exams. The exams were like 3 hours long each, and like, I’m not smart but I am pretty quick at theory stuff so I’d have 1.5-2 hours per exam to fill, and I would never use the note paper for notes. So I’d fold my note paper into 8ths and write reeeeeally really small and fill it all up during my extra exam time. (I still have the sheets of paper if anyone wants to see xD)

3. How many notebooks do you have filled with your writing?

Since somewhere in 2015, I have filled 25 notebooks; not including anything I wrote straight out on a computer, on my phone, on random pieces of paper, or in other notebooks that aren’t included in my numbering system, which I have lmao.

4. What’s your favorite way to write? Notebook, Word Doc, Google Docs?

By hand in notebooks. I used to write in a word doc, and I still use word to type up into and edit it, but I find writing by hand really pushes my word counts up, and forces me to do an initial edit when I type it up, especially with fanfic because I don’t draft fanfic.

5. Do you write by yourself or do you need people writing with you?

I’ve always written alone - most of my friends don’t even know that I write, or don’t write anymore themselves, so it’s just me and myself over here. I was in a writing club at school for a while, and we tried to do a couple projects together, but the group got off course way too easily and nothing really got done, so I prefer to be alone with something I’m really passionate about finishing.

6. Have you ever cowritten with someone?

When I was liiiiiike 12, my friend and I co-wrote a lot of Avatar: The Last Airbender fanfic lmao, which to this day is one of my favourite writing memories. And I co-wrote an entire 50k ‘novel’ with my friend during middle school, which was actually pretty good fun - we traded off chapters and worked together on plot and worldbuilding and actually finished the whole thing. It was horrible (I can’t look at it anymore it’s so cringey), but a good experience to have. I’ve co-written with a few friends online too, with mixed results - nothing that’s ever really gone anywhere though.

7. Who do you bounce ideas off of?

No one lmao. I just throw them into the story and see if they work.

8. Have you ever taken an experience from your life and written it into a story?

Definitely! The most obvious example would probably be the series of short stories I’ve written and posted on this horse racing game I play, Flying For Home, which are sometimes drawn directly from stuff that happens around my workplace in real life, seeing as I work with racehorses in a big stable (the premise of the short stories lmao). 

Another example I can think of is, funnily enough, my other horse-related project; a novel called Vertigo, for which I have drawn on a lot of my own personal history and people that I’ve met in my life and thrown it into the mixing pot. It’s a bit of a personal daydream tbh xD Other than those, there’s a little bit of myself in everything I write, I think, though it’s hard to pick out sometimes.

9. Favorite type of music to listen to while you write.

I usually don’t let myself listen to music when I write, but if I do, it’ll be the playlist I inevitably have for the story, turned down very quiet so that it fades into the background - usually just pop and alternative/indie sort of stuff.

10. Have you ever had anyone give you “advice” that hurt you and prevented you from writing for a while?

I don’t think I’ve ever had anything that stopped me from writing, and I’ve certainly never had criticism from outsiders/strangers or whatever (generally people just ignore me). But I do keep my mum at a distance from my writing, as she tends to just push and push me to ‘publish something already’ and gives off the mentality of ‘it’s not worth wasting your time on if it won’t make you money’. She uh...doesn’t know that I have published over 100k of fanfic this year. Lol. She’s only trying to be supportive, in her own way, and I appreciate it, but I just don’t mention it to her very often, because she’s never really ready to listen to my point of view on it.

11. Have you ever had fans of your writing pester to write a certain way?

I don’t have fans xD

And from @starsandstormyseas because you asked good questions and I Want To...

1. Have you ever had an idea that sounded really great in your head, but when you started writing it, came out terrible for whatever reason?

Yesssss, Flicker has gone through 9 versions in 2 years because every time I start it, it just goes very quickly in directions that I don’t want it to and it never feels right. This version I’m working on now is the first time I’ve really liked all the ways I could go with it so hopefully we’re past book 2 blues and back on track.

2. What’s your favorite part in writing a story? The relationships (or shipping), the plot, the worldbuilding, something else?

The like, ‘main’ scenes, the big hitters. The culmination of all the middle bits into that one main plot point. And relationships too, though not romantic persay - I just really enjoy the scenes where two characters will bounce off of each other for like 7 pages of dialogue, whether its enemies, or friends, or romantic.

3. And weird habits you do when writing, or to keep yourself writing?

I write by hand mostly, and I have my own system to mark as I’m going sentences I don’t like, or words that don’t really fit but I couldn’t think of the right one, or facts I’ve made up on the fly that need to be googled. If I just mark down stuff that I want to change later as I go, I find that I set myself free in a way, and I can just move on without getting stuck on a google spiral (also I don’t forget to fix my plot holes later).

4. Do you keep the internet on or off when you write?

On, though it’s very distracting when I’m trying to write straight on my laptop lmao

5. What books, authors, fics, or any media, have heavily influenced your writing style?

I spent a lot of my childhood reading Enid Blyton and authors like her; older books, mostly my mum’s books from when she was a child, and things from my hometown’s very, very outdated library. So they had a huge impact on the way I learnt to write (they also had an impact on the way I talk too, but that’s another story). More recently, the whole tone and way that fanfic in general is written has really influenced me, and I’d like to think I’ve adopted it and made it my own in a good way.

6. What time is the best time to write? Day, night? Morning, evening?

Evening/night; some days, I cannot focus until like 8pm when I go to bed. And then I lose sleep because I’m writing but y’know. For editing/typing up, that’s a late afternoon kind of job.

7. Is there anyone IRL that you let read your work? 

I have a group of friends that I’ve known for 8 years now that are allowed to read my work. We used to rp together and all used to write and so we all know how bad we were back in the day xD. One girl from that group has been my friend since kindergarten, so she has always had me shoving handfuls of words in her face. There’s been a few other friends that have read some of my stuff, but not all of it, and the older I get, the less I share.

8. How do you handle negative or unhelpful reviews or critique? Does it impact the way you write?

I’ve never had any negative response, so I don’t know. The silence when you’re 4 chapters deep and no one has reviewed is deafening though.

9. Do you respond to every comment/reply you get? If not, which ones get your attention and why?

I only respond to the long/sincere ones, because I feel like they deserve some encouragement in return for taking the time to really let me know what they thought.

10. Ever gotten weird, unsolicited messages asking to join an RP group or some such because this person apparently read your writing (but probably didn’t)?

Hah. Once or twice.

11. What is your favorite platform to post your writing, talk about writing, or anything like that? 

My favourite place to post and to read by far is AO3 - but I find the best platform to get feedback on is FF.net. My favourite place to talk about writing is over here on tumblr.

MY QUESTIONS

How do you get yourself to focus on writing?

What’s your favourite thing you’ve ever written?

Tell me about your current WIP.

Do you write for yourself or for an audience?

Do you share your writing with anyone you know in real life?

What’s the nicest comment/review you’ve ever gotten?

What platform do you prefer to post your work on?

Do you plot or pants?

What have you learnt while writing your stories?

Do you remember the first story you ever wrote?

Can you give a spoiler for your WIP?

Tagging (from writer peeps) @converginglives, @pen-in-hand (if you want another one I think mel got you xD), @aethryos, @paper-shield-and-wooden-sword, @siriusguided, @insertpenname-here, @indecentpause, @writing-at-dusk @sillyliterature @anoddconstellationofthoughts @writingtomorrow

[carlgrimeschandlerriggsimagines]

Negan’s daughter Chapter 15: The Whispers

Word count: 2,185

Need to catch up? (Click me!)

Warnings: Cursing, Violence, Fluff

Authors note: Do Y'all like the whole Reader x Cara thing?

Summary: You find your father but will he stay with you? 

Taglist: @heyworld07  @namelesslosers  @smallfryalixa @ask-kakashihatake @emobabygirlsworld  @hilove7575 @negans-network

"Y/n! Wait!" Alden yells following me on a horse I finally gave in and stopped I turned Darling around to see Alden and Enid on a horse Enid's left eye lightly bruise from our fight yesterday "What!" I yell angrily "What are you gonna do when you find him put him back in his cell?" Alden says I roll my eyes "I'm going to make sure he is safe I'm going to make sure he doesn't snap and start the war over again!" I yell. "Go back to the hilltop I'll be fine!" I say Darling beginning to trot away I hear Alden's horse beginning to follow I roll my eyes signaling Darling to go faster she does I hear the sounds of snarls and I stop in my tracks Alden does too look around for the walkers I hear suddenly the faint snarls I hear turns into loud snarls I turn around to see a herd of walkers. My eyes go wide "Y/n go!" Alden yells Darling begins to run she runs down the road "Come on Darling!" I say nudging her and she goes faster "Y/n to the right the safe house!" I lead darling through the woods seeing the walls of the safe house Alden and Enid following behind me "Get in we should wait the herd out!" Alden says hoping off his horse Enid following I get off Darling grabbing her lead Alden opens the door holding his knife "it's clear." He says stepping in I roll my eyes leading Darling through the door following Enid and her horse "It will be dark soon we should stay here for the night." Alden says I roll my eyes tying Darlings lead to a shelf Alden sits in a corner followed by Enid who cuddles up to him I roll my eyes again grabbing my knife "Any of you dipshits bring food?" I ask "No." Enid replies

 "Then I'll find some...Don't expect to get any." I say opening the door and stepping out of the safe house the loud snarls now fading away I begin to walk through the woods looking for berries, Animals maybe even a river I wander through the woods looking for tracks or listening for the sound of a river I quickly make it to a road

"I should just go to the sanctuary now. Those idiots are probably sucking faces as I speak." I mumble to myself no I can't leave Darling I couldn't I sigh as I walk down the road giving up on finding food I'm sure I have something in my pack on darling. I sigh sitting down I twirl my knife on the road and just lose my self in the thoughts (Flashback) I pull my sweater over my tank top blowing out the lantern in my tent I put my knife in my holster and I pull back the curtain of my tent and I step out I notice the saviors are gathered around a wagon "What the hell is going on?" I say pushing past the crowd of people I see a body...Arat...I feel the tears formed in my eyes I notice a wound on the back of her head shaped like a spear or an arrow I look over to see Cyndie from oceanside holding a spear dry blood on the tip I pull the knife from my holster charging at her "You bitch!" I yell tears running down my cheeks "I'm gonna kill you!" I tackle her she grabs my wrist but before I can even throw a punch or attempt to kill her Rick grabs me pulling me away "Y/n!" Rick yells "You killed her!" I scream kicking Daryl grabs the knife from my hand  throwing it on the ground "Arat.." (End of flashback) I hear the loud snarls again I look up to see the herd of walkers my eyes go wide as I notice them coming towards me I get up and I start running "Don't let her get away." I hear something snarl I run into the woods hearing the sound of a horse "Y/n!" I hear Alden yell I look over to see Alden on his horse and Enid on Darling I run over to them and hop on Darling "Go!" I yell the horses begin to run away from the herd "Next right we can take the back way to the sanctuary!" I yell Alden    signals for his horse to go faster it does I do the same to darling and she goes faster "Right Alden!" I yell as we come up on the turn the horses turn right and continue running down the road I turn around not seeing the herd behind and I don't hear the snarls "I think we are good." I say sighing the horses slow down. "What if negan isn't even at the sanctuary?" Enid asks "Then I look for him somewhere else. I'm not giving up." I say Enid rolls her eyes we come upon a turn and we turn left seeing the gates of the sanctuary I smile "Darling go." I say she starts to trot faster she trots through the open gates corpses scattered on the ground I sigh recognizing some These were my family. They cared about me and now they are gone. I hold back my tears as I hop off darling I attached her lead to the fence I kiss her nose and I scratch behind her ears as Enid gets off as well "I'll be back Darling." I say I begin to walk up the stairs of the sanctuary "Stay here." I say to Enid and Alden they nod I open the door to the sanctuary holding back my tears my home it's my home. I had my first kiss here. I lost my virginity here. I even learned how to drive here. I hear the sounds of snarls and look up to see a walker hanging by a rope a savior...He hung himself on the railing. I bite my lip and keep walking I walk through the halls cobwebs scattered on the walls I open the door to the staircase up to my home the place I spent the 2 years living in I begin to walk upstairs my steps getting shakier and slower I slowly begin to hear music play "Wise man say only fools rush in" I feel a weight being lifted from my shoulder knowing he is here the music gets louder the closer I get to the top "But I can't help falling in love with you." "Daddy..." I call quietly "Like a river flow journey to the sea Darling so it goes." I make it to the hallway most of the furniture overturned the vases broken I step in "Daddy..."I call quietly again afraid of being any louder I begin to walk down the wall "Some things are meant to be." I slowly walk into the living room "Take my hand, take my whole life too. For I can't help falling in love with you." I hear my dad say tears form in my eyes "Daddy.." I say tears streaming down my face as I see him sitting on the couch "Y/n.." He says turning around he gets up and I run to him I jump in his arms hugging him "My baby girl..." He says quietly he kisses my head as I hop down "Look at you in the light you look so grown up." He says I smile he only had one window in his cell and it was always dark near his cell "What are you doing here?" He asks "I came to find you make sure you were safe." I say he smiles then kisses my forehead again "Are you gonna make me go back?" He asks I shake my head "No. I'm gonna help you." I say he smiles kissing my head again "Do you need anything? Food, water?" I ask he shakes his head chuckling suddenly I hear someone running up the stairs "Y/n the herd caught up with us they are in the building we have to go!" Alden yells he runs into the room "Dad come on!" I say my dad doesn't even refuse he grabs his knife  I grab his hand and we run out of the room "Down the fire escape!" I yell we run over to the door and I kick it open I run down the stairs "Where is Enid!?" I ask "In the woods with the horses!" Alden replies we make it down to the bottom and we run over to the fence hearing the snarls from the herd "Don't let them get away!" I hear something snarl I stop trying to unlock the fence and turn around. "What the fuck was that!?" I yell Alden opens the gate they run out I freeze looking for the sound "Y/n come on!" My dad yells suddenly grabbing my hand and pulling me I snap out of my thoughts and we run we run down the road and into the woods "Enid!!" Alden yells I stop to catch my breath "Over here!" She responds we run over to her she holds onto the two horses leads she tenses up at the sight of my dad I notice she is at the same place where I've hidden a bunch of stuff in a crate I open my mouth like I was gonna say something. "You guys go back to the hilltop, I'm going home." I say grabbing Darling's lead from Enid Alden looks at my dad "What about him?" Alden asks I look at my dad he has a worried look on his face "Y/n I need to talk to you."   My dad says I walk over to him Darling following "I'm going home...I'm gonna go find your mom." My dad says I bite the inside of my lip "What if you get there and she isn't?" I ask quietly "Then I'll find her then go home. Honey, I can't stay here you know that." My dad says. Tears form in my eyes I unclip the backpack from Darling's saddle I toss it to him "Go." I say quietly then I walk over to the crate I push the pine straw and leaves on it I open the crate pulling out Lucille I walk over to my dad and toss it to him "Take it." I say he opens his mouth to say something "Go!" I yell tears running down my cheeks. "Go!" "I'm sorry Y/n." My dad says then walks off I let my tears fall knowing I was wasn't going to see my dad for a long time or never again I fall to the ground "Y/n..." Enid says quietly "Just go I'll be ok." I say they hesitate but they walk away I hear their horse neigh loudly and I hear the horse trot away   I wipe my tears and I stand up I climb on Darling "Go." I say quietly she begins to trot away back to the road she trots down the road. the sun begins to set 4 hours later Darling walks up to the gates of Alexandria the gate opens and she walks through Laura leads Darling over to the stable "Did you find him?" Laura as I hop off Darling exhaustion taking over "Yeah...I don't wanna talk about it." I say I walk away my feet sore along with my back and legs I make it to my house I quietly walk inside as Judith is probably asleep I walk upstairs and into my room I change into a pair of sweatpants and an oversized sweatshirt I put my hair in a floppy messy bun and I walk into Judith's room she is asleep Carl's hat on her nightstand. I smile I kiss her forehead then I walk out of her room I walk down the stairs and out the door I walk over to Cara's house I climb up to her window I knock on it she gets out of bed and smiles she opens her window and I climb in she wraps her arms around my waist and kisses me "You're back!" She says I smile she notices the tears stained on my face "What's wrong?" She asks worriedly I bite the inside of my lip "I had to say goodbye to my dad." I say trying to hold back my tears she cups my cheek with her hand "I'm so sorry baby girl." She says I let my tears fall again. "I'm not gonna see him again. He went to go find my mom." I say she pulls me in for a hug she is a little bit taller than me so its the perfect hug "Lay down." She says I lay down in her bed letting my sore muscle relax I lay my head on her shoulder she wraps her arms around me then kisses my forehead I close my eyes smiling a little "I love you." I say "I love you too."

[askjaaryl]

Episode 18: “Detour”

S2E10 - The trip to Alexandria takes a detour as the Hilltop caravan is forced to stop overnight due to the weather. Daryl and Paul resolve their issues. Enid tells Carl and someone overhears. Paul makes a decision for the safety of his new family and the communities.

Trigger warning for direct mentions of past sexual assault.

Paul put his head back against the headrest, listening to Daryl and Aaron fight outside. It had started to rain when they were halfway to Alexandria, so hard that their caravan had to pull off the road.

“GET IN THE TRUCK!” Aaron yelled over the rain.

Paul winced as he heard Daryl make a loud, angry groan, before feeling the truck shifting a little bit. He glanced through the back window and saw Daryl and Aaron putting his bike in the back of the truck. He watched them for a few moments before turning back and looking forward.

He didn’t like their new truck and missed the old tan one they had, but they couldn’t get it back until the Free Men weren’t in the area.

A few seconds later, Daryl got in through the driver’s side, sliding over to make room for Aaron.

“That came out of nowhere,” Aaron sighed, taking off his jacket, which was now soaked from the rain. He took out the walkie, “Hey, Glenn, do you think we should wait?”

“We ain’t waitin’,” Daryl snapped.

Aaron ignored him with a sigh, waiting for Glenn’s response.

“There’s no way we can go anywhere while we can’t see,” Glenn said over the walkie, “If it doesn’t slack off within the next hour, I’m calling it for the night. We’re by marker five, if we can make it to six there’s the old hunting cabin that Hilltop owns that we can stay in for the night.”

“I’m not staying in that stupid cabin overnight,” Paul added quietly.

“Okay, just radio back when you decide,” Aaron said before turning the walkie off, “Looks like we’re stuck here for a while.”

“They don’t know if my damn brother’s gonna walk again and we’re stuck here because of the fuckin’ rain?” Daryl snapped, “Just fuckin’ drive, man.”

“I’m not going to drive aimlessly when I can’t see the road,” Aaron told him, “Rick is fine, they said so. He’s breathing, keep that in mind.”

“And talking, don’t forget talking,” Paul snorted, putting his head out the window, “Probably blabbing to everyone he can find to tell them that his brother is dating a poor, scared, rape victim.”

“Paul,” Aaron snapped, “Don’t talk about yourself like that.”

“Oh, don’t like when I call it what it is?” Paul asked, leveling him with a glare, “I was raped. R-A-P-E. Does that word bother you? Everyone acts all accepting of it until I actually say the word.”

“You’re mad at me, leave ‘im outta this,” Daryl mumbled.

Paul just huffed, putting his head back and not saying anything else.

“Marker two flooded over from the rain,” Glenn’s voice said over the crackling walkie, “We’re going to stay in the cabin overnight and the road crew from Alexandria will come and help us cross in the morning.”

“FUCK!” Daryl yelled, slamming his foot against the dashboard.

“Seriously?” Paul growled, Aaron wasn’t sure if it was at the news that they’d be staying in the cabin or that Daryl probably just busted their radio.

“Okay, lead the way, we’ll follow your taillights,” Aaron said, putting the walkie down, “You two need to stop. We’re going to be in a cabin overnight with our friends, it’ll make them uncomfortable.”

“Oh, sorry for embarrassing you,” Paul scoffed, “From now on I’ll just stick to your bedroom and be your little boytoy like everyone thinks I am.”

“Quit it!” Daryl snapped at him as they started to move, “Ya ain’t that! That ain’t what ya are and you know it!”

“Does everyone else?” Paul challenged, “After what you told Rick, it’s going to get around and make that worse. It’s just like the world before...either rape victims are too broken to have sex or they’re having sex and doing it to forget,” he snorted, “But trust me, I’m always just going to be seen as someone’s sextoy-”

“Stop,” Daryl choked out finally, sounding more upset than angry now.

Aaron’s knuckle was white on the steering wheel and Paul could tell he’d hit a nerve with both of them.

“I love ya, ya little asshole,” Daryl said, turning to him, “I know what I did was wrong, but I did it ‘cause I-I can’t lose ya, not again, not when we finally have ya with us. Sittin’ by your bed, thinkin’ ya was never gonna wake up, that we was never gonna get ta tell ya how we felt...it broke me, Paul. Both of us.”

Paul stared at him with teary eyes, “You hurt me,” he said quietly, “So bad...when you told Rick. If it was necessary, I would have told them eventually-”

“S’necessary now,” Daryl told him, “M’sorry and I actually mean that...I know I was wrong, that I should’a talked to ya about it.”

Paul nodded slowly.

“I’m gonna do everything I can to earn back the trust I lost with ya,” Daryl explained, putting his hand on his cheek, “I love ya so damn much.”

Paul stared at him for a moment before nodding slowly, unbuckling his seatbelt and wrapping his arms around Daryl’s neck, hugging him tightly, “I love you too,” he whispered against his shoulder.

Daryl just rubbed his back, not saying anything as they drove. He glanced over at Aaron, nodding as he did and holding Paul closer.

They stayed that like until they made it up to the rest of the cars. They could barely see the red lights on the back of the truck in front of them before they shut off.

Glenn jogged over, using his jacket as cover as he did.

Aaron opened the door, “We here?”

“Yeah!” Glenn called over the rain, “Get whatever you need for the night and lock up your truck, the cabin isn’t far.”

Aaron nodded and Paul quickly grabbed their overnight bags from the back.

The three of them got out of the truck and Paul winced when his feet sunk into the mud a little. He followed after the group quickly, not wanting to get too wet. Paul glanced back a few times, making sure that Lydia was keeping up as she walked with Daryl, smiling at her when she smiled at him.

The cabin was small, but it would be okay for their group (consisting of himself, Aaron, Daryl, Glenn, Carl, and Enid). It had two small bedrooms (one with a bed and the other with two sets of bunk beds, most likely it had been a family’s vacation cabin in the old world) with a small living room/kitchen area in between them.

And leaks in the roof, apparently.

Paul put a spare pan under the third leak he’d found and sighed, “Okay, we should get to sleep if we want to get a headstart first thing in the morning.”

“I’ll take a bottom bunk,” Enid said immediately, going into the other room.

“I call top bunk,” Carl added, hurrying after her with a laugh.

“I’ll sleep on the other bunk,” Glenn nodded to Paul, trying to act like he wasn’t pulling the protective dad card.

“Oh cool, I call top bunk with Carl-” Lydia started.

“Nope,” Daryl grabbed her by the back of the shirt, “Ya take the bed in the other room, we’ll take the pullout in the livin’ room, ya’ll ain’t sleepin’ together.”

Lydia stared at him for a moment, not breaking his gaze, before huffing, “Whatever,” she mumbled, stomping into the room.

Paul rolled his eyes and stared at the door where Enid, Carl, and Glenn were staying for a moment, a worried look on his face, before starting to get their bed ready.

“Miss Dog,” Daryl grumbled irritably, lying down once the bed was out.

“We’ll be home tomorrow,” Aaron told him with a sigh, sitting down on the edge of the bed and starting on the straps of his prosthetic.

Paul grabbed one of the old quilts from the closet and put it at the end of the bed, grabbing a few pillows for them as well. He was just about to go make sure Lydia had everything, then check on the other room. He swallowed when Daryl grabbed his hand, pulling him back.

“Relax,” Daryl told him, “Ya ain’t gotta take care ‘a everyone. Let’s just sleep, yeah?”

Paul stared at him for a moment before nodding, sitting down as well.

Daryl pulled his jacket off of him before starting on the buttons of his shirt.

“You don’t have to…” Paul trailed off.

“Let me,” Daryl said quietly, pushing the shirt back off his shoulders.

“You don’t have anything to make up for,” Paul told him, “I understand why you did what you did.”

“Doesn’t make it right,” Daryl mumbled, “Doesn’t make Rick tellin’ Maggie right either...an’ I ain’t making nothin’ up, m’just helpin’ ya get ready for bed.”

Aaron started to kiss his neck, suddenly there and close to him, his shirt gone as well.

“It feels good,” Paul said quietly, leaning his head back to give Aaron more room, “Being all together again,” he breathed out, hand going to grip the curly hair at the nape of Aaron’s neck.

Enid jumped down from the top bunk loudly, looking over at her dad to make sure she hadn’t woken him up. She walked over and waved her hand in front of his closed eyes a few times.

“What are you doing?” Carl whispered, sitting up, half asleep.

“We need to talk...outside,” Enid told him, “I just didn’t want him to hear and make me stay inside.”

Carl stared at her for moment before nodding and getting up. He grabbed his boots from where he’d tossed them, not bothering to lace them up as he did, following his friend out to the front door.

Lydia rubbed her eyes, unable to sleep. The rain made everything so loud, especially outside, and she just couldn’t sleep.

She tensed and grabbed her knife from her pair of boots when she heard the door open and close. She quickly got up, not bothering with her shoes, and tiptoed out.

Lydia walked passed the pullout couch, where Daryl, Jesus, and Aaron were snoring softly, close together. Paul was in the middle with Daryl’s arms wrapped around his waist tightly. Paul’s forehead was against Aaron’s shoulder, almost hiding his face in his arm. Their breathing was all even and she knew they were actually asleep, but Daryl was a light sleeper and was closest to the door.

The door had been propped open by whoever went out so it didn’t get stuck behind them and she walked closer to the crack in the door, listening to the voices outside.

“Do you remember about a month ago at the faire?” Enid asked quietly, her arms wrapped around her stomach, “Wh-When you and Lydia were broken up and Alden and I…?” she trailed off.

“Yeah,” Carl said quietly, “I thought you didn’t want to bring it up again. What’s wrong?”

Enid bit her lip, “I was...late, recently. It happens sometimes, I just figured it was nothing but then I started getting sick.”

“Are you okay?” Carl asked immediately.

“I….technically, yeah,” Enid swallowed, “I’m pregnant...and I know it’s not Alden’s, it’s yours.”

Carl stared at her, shock written all over his face.

“I know it’s a bad time, with your dad a-and you’re back with Lydia now and I’m with Alden,” Enid took a shaky breath, “But I think I want to keep it. They’ll be raised with such a loving family at Hilltop.”

Carl took a deep breath, “Yeah...yeah, you’re right,” he bit his lip, “Does anyone  else know?”

“Just Jesus,” Enid said quietly, “I talked to him, after I found out,” she swallowed, “That’s another reason I wanted to go to Alexandria with you guys...not that I don’t trust Alex, but Siddiq is a doctor and I want him to check things out.”

Carl nodded, holding his head a little higher, “Just let me know anything you need.”

“I need to tell Alden,” Enid said, scrubbing her hand over her face, “And...my family. You need to tell Lydia and yours.”

Carl sighed and swallowed, “I’ll talk to her when we get back to Hilltop. We need to focus on what we need to do in Alexandria first.”

“You’re right,” Enid nodded, “I want to tell my parents when we get home too.”

“Lyd?” Daryl asked tiredly, squinting up at her, “What ‘cha doin’ there?”

“Nothing,” Lydia whispered, “Go back to sleep.”

Daryl moved his arms from around Paul slowly and got up, walking over, “Hey...you’re cryin’, what’s goin’ on?” he asked, looking out the door as well. He saw Enid and Carl hugging tightly and sighed, “Ain’t like that...they’re still friends. He’s with ya, she’s with Alden, ‘member?”

Lydia whipped around and hugged him tightly, burying her head in his shirt.

Daryl blinked in shock for a moment before putting his arms around her, rocking her slightly, “Hey, c’mon now…” he trailed off, rubbing her back, “What’s buggin’ ya?”

“I…” Lydia trailed off, looking up at him, “Sorry,” she whispered.

“S’okay,” Daryl told her, “Ya can talk ta me..”

Lydia stared at him for moment before swallowing, “I don’t like staying in Barrington,” she mumbled, “I guess...being here, staying overnight with you guys jut in the other room, made me realize that,” she sniffled, wiping her eyes, “I-I know the house isn’t done yet-”

“Gonna be done by summer,” Daryl told her, “If ya want, ya can maybe stay on the couch in the trailer, maybe set ya up a cot in Paul’s office or Gracie’s room.”

Lydia looked down, shuffling her feet, “Yeah...maybe,” she said quietly, “Sorry I woke you,” she told him, “I’m gonna go back to bed now,” she whispered, pulling away.

Daryl nodded, watching her go, “G’night,” he told her. He waited until her door closed before he stalked outside, closing the door behind him before yelling, “GET YOUR ASSES INSIDE!” he yelled, causing them both to jump apart, breathing heavily.

“Very funny,” Carl grumbled when Daryl snickered at their shocked faces.

“Sorry,” Enid mumbled, walking inside quickly and brushing by Daryl as she did.

Daryl put his arm out before Carl could walk in after her, raising an eyebrow.

“It was nothing, Uncle Daryl,” Carl said quickly.

Daryl just stared at him.

“Look, just let me tell my dad first, then you, okay?” Carl sighed, “Nothing life threatening, nothing that’ll cause bodily harm.”

Daryl stared for another moment before nodding, letting him in. He stared out at the forest for a minute before going inside, closing and locking the door behind them. He walked back over to the couch and slowly moved behind Paul again, trying not to wake him or Aaron up as he secured his arms around his boyfriend’s waist once again, his hand clinging to Aaron’s.

“You’re a good uncle,” Aaron said simply, not even opening his eyes.

Daryl just scoffed, burying his face in the back of Paul’s neck.

They arrived at Alexandria first thing the next morning, the sun shining down on the community...but it wasn’t exactly all sunshine in the Alexandria community today.

There were makeshift walls up, rather than their usual steel ones. Cars and busses were parked where the wall had been damaged and there were more guards on the gate than usual. A construction crew was working on the inside of the wall, but it seemed to be slow progress.

When they got inside the gates, Paul felt even worse, looking at the church that was in shambles on top of a few houses being damaged. As he walked down the street he stopped in shock when he saw Aaron’s old house had been damaged as well, a few windows broken and red spray paint littered across the front.

WE ARE FREE, THERE ARE NO LAWS NOW

Paul took a shaky breath, looking over to where Aaron and Daryl were talking with Michonne. He quickly walked over, not even saying hello as he made his announcement.

“I’m staying for the cleanup, but after that, I need to go to the Kingdom.”

[whateverisbeautiful]

Reveling in Richonne

#118: The Golden Rule (8x12)

 So each time I’ve done these posts there’s been some character that has spurred me to go on a gif journey expressing how tried they made me feel. 😂

The first time doing these revelings it was Jadis in the season 7 finale. And then during the Retrospect posts it was Jessie. And for this round...y’all we gotta add Enid to the Queens of Trying It, cuz she was all the way out of line. 💯

So we see Michonne standing outside of the Hilltop building as those three ladies wait on the bench. And then she decides to go inside because it’s clear she has something she needs to address.

She walks in and tells Maggie “We should make the deal and let them go before the Saviors get here.” 

First of all; yes fierce walk! And it’s sweet to see Michonne wanting these women to be spared of dealing with the pending craziness that’s about to pop off when they face the Saviors.  

Also this is why Michonne is fit to be a leader, because she’s decisive and diligent. But Maggie feels they can’t let them go with what they have, and then Enid barges in.

And this is where our gif journey begins. 🙃 

Cuz just the physical act of Enid barging into this conversation had me like...

Like I already have an issue with the fact that Enid steps into this conversation between two women who have known each other for SIX seasons now. And then she wants to interject to tell Michonne, “Maggie’s right.”

Just two words into the scene and I already was like...

The way Michonne turns around, you can tell she might be thinking the same things as me which is “Did this little girl really just waltz in here and think she can talk to me like this?”

Michonne has the courtesy to face her (cuz lord knows I would not) and Enid goes on to say, “We take their stuff. Otherwise someone else will. Someone else will kill them. It’s a miracle they’re still alive anyways.” That’s sounding real Savior-ish if I do say so myself lol. 👀  

Y’all I low key wanted Michonne to just be like...

So Michonne silently stares at her and I’m telling you Danai is so excellent at not playing anything one-note, even in a facial expression. Because as much as Michonne might feel tried, you also see her feeling compassion on Enid. Like it’s evident that Michonne feels for her that the world has hardened her this way at such a young age.

And then Enid tries it again by stepping closer to Michonne to continue to talk to her like she doesn’t realize she’s talking to the literal queen of this apocalypse.

She says “The Saviors are on their way. We’re gonna fight and some of us will die.” And the salty side of me was like listen boo, Michonne and Rick.... see they’re the ones who live (at least before season 9) so they don’t have to be as concerned with that death stuff like the rest of you lol.

Enid asks why they should care about anyone else and I was like...

The bold disrespect to talk to Michonne that way when this is a woman who one; is grown two; is fully aware of the situation and most importantly three; who just lost Carl who she had a deeper relationship with than Enid could possibly know. 

And it’s a miracle Michonne’s even able to be around other people right now, let alone Carl’s broody unofficial “girlfriend”. 🙄 

But y’all it don’t stop there. 😑

Getting more heated, Enid says “We take their stuff and we use it. We stop pretending that things just work out. They don’t.” 

And hearing her try and talk at Michonne about a concept Michonne knows full well had me really asking...

Michonne responds saying, “Carl rescued Siddiq and now we have a doctor and we have a friend.” 

Y’all this is heartwarming because Michonne already is choosing to see the value in what Carl’s “something after” goal was. 

She always did understand Carl in a special way so it makes sense that she’s the one to vocalize this understanding of where Carl was coming from with helping Siddiq and even to find the positive in it with the fact that Siddiq is a doctor and friend. 

And it’s sweet that she refers to Siddiq as a friend when it could be very easy to resent Siddiq for being associated with the moment that killed Carl. And also because it’s choosing to not just see the fact that he’s a doctor as the only plus side to things, cuz that would only be allowing his value to come from what he can offer them. 

So in saying he’s a friend it’s meaningful cuz it shows she’s open to accepting Siddiq as a person and not just a commodity. 

It’s like how Carl told Rick in 8x09 that he helped Siddiq not cuz he was a doctor but because he wasn’t going to make it alone. 

She then wisely takes the gun away from Enid as an act of letting this girl know that the way she wants to fight away her problems is not the way. (And I think she also takes the gun cuz Enid has no business being this hostile right now.) 

And then Michonne says very matter of factly; “Carl was brave.”  Y’all, the fact that they have to speak about Carl in past tense still hurts. 😢

You can tell in her delivery of this line that it’s painful for her to have to address Carl as no longer being with them, but she’s willing to go to that emotional place and defend Carl despite the pain. 

And I love that she’s choosing to see the bravery in Carl’s commitment to humanity rather than having a more jaded take on his actions.  

And then the pinnacle of the triflingness is when Enid steps to Michonne and says, “And now he’s dead,”

Which...

Before I go off 😁 lemme just say;…I get it. She’s hurting and she’s sad because she lost her close friend. But I still have to tell her...

Cuz the disrespect is just too much. Like Enid needs to realize that she is talking to the woman who knew Carl when he was this little boy who just lost his mom. She is talking to the woman who held Carl in her arms after he was attacked by that Claimer. 

She is talking to the woman who gave Carl a huge chunk of his happiest memories. And most importantly she is talking to the woman who became Carl’s mom and best friend. 

So she needs to come correct with it. Cuz to throw that in Michonne’s face like Carl’s life was wasted is unacceptable, especially so soon after Michonne just buried him.

When watching this the first time, I was very curious what Michonne’s response would be. Cuz my personal response was very much like...

And I know Michonne is extremely good at having a “be the bigger person” response to when people try her. Like she’s the embodiment of...

And I love that about her. But the second I heard Enid say that line, I was literally hoping that Michonne would refuse to play nice with this one right here cuz Enid needed to know...

And I love that, while she kept that signature Michonne composure her response was perfection because she also was more than willing to let this little girl know she isn’t playing games.

Cuz she looks at Enid with a calm intensity and simply says “Step back.”

Y’all. This was legit me...

When I tell you I was soooooo here for it. For real, it was everything. 🙌🏾

“Step back” is a way of life now lol. 😋 Enid was putting disrespect on Carl and Michonne, and I love that Michonne let her know she will have none of that. 

Michonne’s basically telling Enid...

With a dash of...

I was like; that’s right Enid, this is a little different than some of the adults you’re used to giving sass to, cuz now you’re dealing with the queen. 👸🏾

And you can see the moment Enid realized she’s dealing with a queen too...

And when Michonne calmly but firmly tells her to step back, Enid already knows what time it is and she knows not to try it any further cuz...

That’s the kind of influential presence Michonne has, when she says something like that you already know you gotta listen. 

Like she really does have this perfect balance of peaceful but powerful, and her words command attention. #queen 

And sure enough Enid steps all the way back and out of the room. To which I was like... 

Similar to Ron, and Heath, and that chick at Hilltop, Enid joined the list of people who have learned the golden rule that when it comes to trying Rick or Carl in front of Michonne...

But what breaks my heart is Michonne’s expression as Enid walks away. Cuz you can tell that as composed as she’s been it’s hard for her to not want to just break down since losing Carl is still so fresh. 

And she’s been being strong for other people but, during this subtle moment, it becomes visible how much pain Michonne’s in over this loss.

And then Maggie dabbles in trying it when she reiterates “Things don’t just work out” And I was really like...

Cuz do 👏🏽you 👏🏽think 👏🏽that 👏🏽Michonne 👏🏽doesn’t 👏🏽know 👏 that? Maggie doesn’t have to tell Michonne things don’t work out cuz Michonne knows this just as much as any.

Michonne then says, in a tone that suggests she can think of a long list of times that’s been the case for herself (like losing two sons), “No. No they don’t.”

This episode had me starting to genuinely ask; do these characters know Michonne? Cuz if they did they would know that she’s had a lot of experiences with things not working out. 

Sis has lost a lot. But it’s because she has this winner’s attitude of finding the way they can thrive and rise above it that she’s been able to push through.

It’s times like these where I really wish characters interacted more. Cuz while I know Maggie and Michonne have a friendship, some of these relationships have been put so far on the back burner that it causes us to not even really know what the dynamics between these long standing characters even are and how much they know.

And it’s interesting cuz Maggie’s experienced an overwhelming amount of brutal losses too which if why I hoped the scenes with them in this episode would be focused on them really connecting through that. 

So then with emotion Michonne says, “But I think he knew that.  He didn’t give up on who Rick wanted him to be.”

It just hit me how significant this line is cuz, I feel like it’s a callback to the season 4 finale when Carl was able to open up to Michonne after that traumatic night with the Claimers. 

He told her how he’s not who his dad thinks he is and at that time he was really feeling like just another monster. But with the help of Michonne and Rick and Judith he was able to get better and not give up on who he knew deep down his dad wanted him to be. 

There’s something comforting about thinking that personal heart to heart Carl and Michonne had four season ago could be the moment that’s resonating with Michonne now and motivating her to not give up. 

And then I love that she also says “And we can’t on who he wanted us to be. We can’t.” 

It’s deep for a lot of reasons, but the most important being that this illustrates how she really took Carl’s final words to heart and how she’s determined to fight to not only create the world he wanted but also be the person he specifically wanted them to be, which is people who aren’t blinded by the fight and instead focused on caring and a real future.

And then Maggie seems to take those words to heart and I feel like for the first time we see Maggie have some deeper acknowledgement that they lost Carl, someone she’s known since he was a little kid. 

As Michonne walks out, we see Judith and the baby and I feel like again it’s this reminder of why fighting for peace is actually worth it. Because at the end of the day they’re not only trying to create a world just for themselves but for these kids who are most important cuz they will be the future now.

Maggie walks out and lets those ladies know she’s agreed to the deal. Georgie gives them food and explains her whole key to the future and honestly I just have to reiterate, all these characters have to put some respek on Michonne’s name. That’s the moral of the story because her instinct will not lead you astray lol. 👌 🏽

And this was me looking at this show when they pretty much make it seem as though it was Maggie who led them to this advancement and not Michonne...

So then Michonne again is the bigger person by being willing to still speak to Enid in the scene where they’re on watch at the wall. 

Enid shares about killing Natania and how she killed her and is alive but Carl saved someone is dead and I was like; girl a lot of that just has to do with faulty lopsided storytelling cuz Enid realistically shouldn’t have survived that Oceanside storyline and Carl absolutely should’ve survived that Siddiq storyline. 😑

Also, the fact that, as this scene starts, it seems like Enid wants to do round two of talking back to Michonne like she still ain’t learn her lesson...It had me wanting to tell Enid my own version of “step back” which is...

Enid asks if they’re supposed to just stop fighting, which makes me think that maybe that’s supposed to imply that in Carl’s letter to her he also expressed how he wants them all to stop fighting.

(Side note: I always felt like it was a missed opportunity to never get a scene or moment where Rick and Michonne got to acknowledge Carl’s relationship with Enid in the past few seasons. I feel like that would’ve been a cute moment between Rick, Michonne, and Carl)

Michonne says “I don’t think Carl wanted us to stop fighting for our future.  But I think he was telling us that to get to our future it’s going to take more than just fighting.” 

Again, Michonne’s out here perfectly summing up Carl’s message for others. The best of the best friends y’all. 💯

And, as she says this line, she gives Enid’s gun back to her in a way of symbolizing that the fight doesn’t have to be completely unnecessary.

So then, Enid is still not letting it sink in cuz she says  “The saviors are coming right now” and I was like girl... 

Cuz Michonne knows that. Fr, who does Enid think she’s talking to lol.  Michonne calmly responds saying, “And we’re gonna fight them. But there’s gotta be something after” and I appreciate her recalling Carl’s words and how she’s let that really resonate with her. 

Even tho Enid tried me like no other, I’m glad that Michonne is able to be a peaceful and wise presence in her life cuz Enid could use that in this time of grieving. Michonne’s presence is good for people’s health lol. #facts

And these Michonne-centric moments relate to Richonne because seeing where Michonne’s at gives insight to the way she’s working to go through this grieving process, and that’s what will play the biggest part in Rick being able to work through the grieving process later. 

With the devastating loss of Carl, it could be really easy for time to just stand still for Michonne or for her to just shut everyone out  but instead she’s staying present and honoring her best friend by focusing on and working towards the “something after” he wants for them.

It’s such a testament to the resilience and admirable character she has. And I appreciate that there’s a lot of things that are golden about Michonne; including the golden rule. 👌💯😋

gif sources: carlschandler michonnegrimes danaisokoye-archive coolpartytimefan grimescarl

[tigereyes45]

No Return

An Ok K.O. fanfiction about what would have happened if Red Action hadn’t returned.

It was difficult for Enid to cope with the loss of Red Action. For an entire day, she not only lost her but was visited by a Red who was years older each time. Minutes go by as Enid waited, and tried to explain it all. When Red kicked her out of the future she thought that would be the end of it. Instead, an older Red came by for one last chat. One last time. Red hadn’t said it was so, but Enid knew the truth. The way her friend spoke, how her eyes only met Enid’s for a few moments when she would walk around shifting her weight in order to hide her limp. Red was so much older then, and Enid didn’t say a word as her friend left.

K.O. asked Enid why she didn’t say anything. Yet the cashier could come up with no reply for the inspiring boy. She should have said or done something, but when she tried it only bit her in the butt. Now that Red’s life had become so amazing and she was so needed and looked up to, how could Enid take that away from her? If she was being honest she was looking for reasons not to say anything at all because that meant she actually cared. If she cared that much well maybe all those feelings she felt weren’t just that of friendship after all. And more then anything she didn’t want to think about that.

“Hey. Thought the store was closed awhile ago.” Great, not the person she wanted to see tonight. Enid turns around still holding the same broom she had been sweeping back and forth with for the last hour or so.

“It was. I'm  just detail cleaning.” Enid lies through gritted teeth. Why did he always have the worse timing?

“I thought that was K.O.’s thing.” She could hear Rad walking closer now. Damn, why did Mr. Gar give him and her a key? She just wanted to be alone right now.

“I told him to go home early. There have barely been any customers all day today.” Enid goes back to sweeping, keeping her back to the alien boy. He was just being nosy. She didn’t have to tell him anything.

“Enid, will you look at me?”

“No. I’m busy.”

“Are you mad at me about something?” Rad asks sounding truly confused.

“Not everything has to do with you, Rad.” She replies unable to keep the annoyance out of her voice anymore. She sweeps faster and ducks into one of the aisles.

He follows her, his footsteps sounding close behind. Enid walks away faster. The broom was slamming against the floor with every stroke now. That was until she felt it fly up above her head. For a moment Enid just looks up at the flying broom. Her hands still around it she was presented with two options now. Let go of the broom, drop to the floor, and run, or just turn around and tell Radicles off. Once and for all.  Maybe then he would go home and let the ninja sulk.

“Enid,”

“Why are you even here? You didn’t work today! It’s almost one am, and no sane person would even come near their job that late unless they worked third shift!” Enid raves while still hanging onto the broom. She squeezes her eyes shut before kicking her legs back and then forth. Once she had enough momentum Enid launches herself from the broom all the way onto the half stocked counter at the end of the aisle.

Radicles pursues her without hesitation. Already feeling exhausted from the emotional train ride known as today Enid gives up. Making herself comfortable she brings her left leg up to her body and leans her back against the cold window. With a frown that was atypical of Radicles, the teenage alien quickly covers what ground was between them. Barely stopping three inches from Enid’s foot Radicles’ frown deepens.

“Listen, Enid, I heard what happened with Red.” He begins pausing only to scratch the back of his neck. “I wanted to know if you were okay?” He drops all the theatrics and for one brief moment, Enid almost saw the middle school boy she use to have a crush on. It was an extremely brief moment, however.

Relying on the icy cold of her frozen over heart Enid answers him as stoically as she could manage at this time. “I’m fine Rad. She came and she left. I always knew she would have to go back to the future anyway. Not that I expect you to understand what saying goodbye to a friend feels like.”

“I know you think I am too tough, and strong, and awesome,” He continues slowly starting to flex and smile like he typically does. “But I do understand Enid.” Radicles insists stepping closer to her. The tip of her hanging foot now touching his leg. He really had no concept of personal space, did he? Here she thought he had learned it after having his own invaded by K.O. so often.

“I really doubt that Radicles. Listen just go home and let me finish cleaning up here. We both work tomorrow. You’ll see there, everything is fine.”

“We’re at work right now Enid and everything does not seem fine. I’m only trying to help.” His face shows more empathy on it then Enid could ever remember seeing before. No matter how much she wanted to get mad at him that look somehow melted all of her anger away.

“Radicles there's nothing you can do. I didn’t speak up. I let her leave with….without every telling Red how I feel.” She throws up her arms in frustration. “I don’t even know how I feel! So how can I possibly imagine you to understand when I don’t even understand myself.”

Radicles moves a the only display holder on the counter away. He gestures to the now empty spot, Enid nods, and he jumps onto it. He moves back and forth a few times before apparently finding a comfortable sitting position for himself in the tiny space. Well, his butt was a whole lot smaller than his upper body was. If not for that Enid doubted that he could have fit next to her.

“I know how it feels,” Rad repeats himself. “You aren’t the only one to ever lose a friend. Or a chance with someone.” He continues offering a sympathetic shrug.

“Who did you lose?” Enid asks resting her arm on her knee. Pushing her face into her hand she tilts her head sideways to keep Rad in her vision.

“You.” He barely speaks the word, but Enid hears it all the same. In one moment her entire face goes red. She didn’t ask for this. She did not want to talk about this with him. Not after Red just,

“Wait, I’m not saying I still like you! I mean I do just not like that anymore. I think.” He smacks her forehead. “What I mean is I thought you were really cool back in middle school even after I ruined that date, and I wish I didn’t but I did and well we already saw how much I blew it. I just thought after I got this job here and we started working together, well I was worried you would still be upset at me and wouldn’t want to talk to me.” Radicles quickly tries to explain everything. As if he didn’t say it all now then he may never. Enid should have said something like this earlier. Then maybe Red would have stayed.

“When you actually spoke to me I was happy because that meant well maybe we could still talk and this job wouldn’t just be awkward silence all the time. Even if all you said were commands and harsh jokes it was better then silence so I took it, but we were still a long way from being friends. I think we are now but sometimes it is hard to tell. And even if you don’t think that well whatever this now feels a whole lot better than having you actively avoid me did.” He covers his face with both of his hands. Sighing heavily Radicles shakes his head. “I feel like my parent’s just walked into school with ray guns again.” He complains to himself. Throwing his head back against the window Radicles keeps his hands over his face.

“So yeah I understand how it feels.”

“Radicles,” Enid hesitates. Thinking about what to say next she recalls her own memories over her first day ever working with Radicles. He had been distant and rather quiet for himself. Well, at least this sort of confessional explains why. “If we are both confessing then I have one.”

Radicles moves his fingers apart to allow his eyes to see her. Bashful really didn’t suit him, Enid decides with a laugh. “I use to still like you. A lot. I thought maybe you had grown up a couple months after working together. Every time the thought crossed my mind you did something to prove me wrong, and after Elodie, I didn’t want another relationship with someone who seemed to flop so much. Red and I, well it was strange and wild, and so so cool. She was so cool.” Enid explains. “I felt like she knew who I was and that I understood her. Maybe that understanding is what held me back from saying anything with her. The future was relying on her, and you aren’t supposed to hold a hero back or else you become the damsel in distress, ya know?”

Radicles nods quickly. Somehow this conversation still felt like it was going well. Enid keeps her shock hidden. A mature conversation with Rad. What was next? One with K.O.? Yeah, that might happen with how her days were going. “I wanted her to come back on her own. Ya know the saying if you love something set it free. She did come back but never for long again, and now….” Enid squeezes her eyes shut and pinches her nose. “Now she never is.”

“You don’t know that. She may still come back.”

“She is a war hero loved by the surviving members of society. She is rebuilding a world after a devastating war Radicles. Why would she ever come back to me and this shitty time?” Enid asks sarcastically.

“I would,” Rad answers far too quickly. Enid had been to the future and even she didn’t want to come back sometimes. It was exciting, invigorating, amazing. Never a dull moment unlike working at Gar’s as the cashier.

“You’re an idiot.” Enid tries to respond playfully. Even going as far as to punch his shoulder. Anything to make herself feel a little better.

“No, I’m not.” He argues back playfully. “Hey, Enid.” She looks over at him only to see that he had his hands held open. With a roll of her eyes, Enid hugs him.

“Ya know for an overly macho headache, you aren’t too bad sometimes Rad.”

“Hey, I am always the best!” Rad shouts squeezing Enid tighter.

“I hope she comes back,” Enid whispers into his shoulder.

“I know. You just gotta believe in her, right?” He asks not sounding very sure himself.

“Right.” She answers knowing how the script goes for things like this by now.

Enid wasn’t sure how long they stayed like that, but when morning came the two were still in the store. Having moved from a countertop to the space behind the register. Whenever they had separated Enid mentioned a new video that had been posted by Dr. Greyman. The two made themselves comfortable on the floor. What was supposed to be one video quickly turned into several, and at some point, they both fell asleep in Mr. Gar’s Bodega.

If you enjoy my work feel free to request and if you want to support me and my work please check out my ko-fi Ko-fi.com/tigereyes Page ID: L3L4CEAL

[groovycatcollector]

The Wonderfully Right, And The Horribly Wrong (Daryl Dixon Love story)

Summery: After losing her brother and his wife, one young woman is left on her own, caring for a new born and trying to survive. After being taken in to a community after years of mistrust, how will she adapt, and what effect will a certain archer have on her. Starts the last episode of season 5

Warnings: slow-burn, angst, eventual fluff, violence, strong language. ptsd, age gap

Pairings: Daryl Dixon x OFC

Chapter 8

“We look like a danm ‘Baby and Me’ group” I joked, sitting across from Carl in the kitchen. Both of us had put our kids on the floor with pillows around them, making it a sort of make-shift baby fort. I poured us both some water before grinning like a mad woman with my chin resting in my hands.

“Who is she?” I sang, knowing I was irritating him. He plonked his big cowboy hat onto the table “If you’re gonna be annoying I can ask someone else” Carl looked as if he was trying to be an adult, and I looked as if I was trying to be a kid, bit of an odd pair.

“Who are you gonna talk to? Eugene? Morgan?” I was poking the bear, suddenly I pretended to be horrified, sitting back in the seat. “Oh no” He looked puzzled “Oh sweet Jesus no” I exclaimed. “You” I jolted forward pointing an accusatory finger at him “You were gonna talk to Abraham weren’t you?”

He looked at me blankly, arms crossed “Nina” I sat back, my outburst over. “I’m just saying he’s shit with the ladies” I missed goofing around with people, Carl reminded me of Beau, the baby’s daddy; Serious, a bit shy but as sweet as sugar on the inside. “Seriously who is she” I said again, a bit more serious. “Or at least what kind of person she is”

He talked, talked a good bit, and even though it obviously was Enid he still wouldn’t confess. I’ve seen her walking around, she was pretty, also the only girl his age. “Well, what does she like?” I was spinning my web was master match making, I missed this. “Find something your both into, make it a thing. Know anything she likes?” He shrugged, oh Jesus save me,teenaged boys

“Okay, what do you like about her?”  Carl paused “Shes smart, and pretty” okay… not much to go on “Have you expressed any interest?” He was rubbing his knees and his face was getting redder by the minute. “Okay well complement her, for a start. Or maybe start off my showering, that’s always a good place to start. Then find something you’re both interested in and go from there”

Carls face lit up like he had an idea “I know what to do” I could barely blink before he had swept up his hate and Judith and nearly ran out the door. Letting out a sigh I sat back

“Okay then”

I needed to get ready anyways, I was going on a run with Spencer Daryl and

 **

“Seriously stop thanking us, we can use the practice” Glenn scolded taking the bag of formula as Maggie bounced the baby on her lap while I shrugged the kami jacked I found in storage over my shoulders. I smiled, grateful to the couple that they consider babysitting “practice” for their oncoming child, still, I needed to go on this run, wanting to find a gift for the two to them as a congratulations present, and a few other things.

Glenn set the bag down on the counter “So feed every two hours, if he cries we check the diaper, feed, and bounce”

I rolled my eyes, he had a look on his face like he was saying this more for me then him. I crossed my arms, knowing what he was doing “Yes, okay you got it” I admitted, throwing my hands up in defeat. He leaned agents the island “He’ll be fine, stop stressing” I looked down and back up at him, I know he will be; especially with Glenn and Maggie. Taking a deep breath I decide to ask them.

I twitched my nose. “Hey Mag, could you come over here?” Her head darted in my direction, before standing, keeping the baby close to her chest. I shuffled my feet, brushing my hair out of my face “So you know how he’s being baptized in a few days?” They looked calm, Sweet Jesus I hope they say yes. “W-W-Well” Oh no, I started stuttering again, I could never shake that habit off “I was wondering” Fuck sake, deep breath “Wouldyouliketobehisgodparents?”

They stared at me blankly, “What” Maggie asked, before a wash of understanding washes over her face, and her shoulders relax. “Just in case anything happens to me, I want to know he’ll be well looked after" I explained desperately, my hand moving way too much for it to look natural.

Glenn glanced at Maggie, who smiled back “Of course we will” Glenn said, reaching out and touching my Bicep. A wave of relief washed over me, relaxing my muscles. “Thank you” I said, genuinely grateful. “When is the christening?” Maggie asked, starting to bounce the Baby I have yet to name in her arms. The other name threw me off and I tried to remember

“In a few days, Gabriel said he needed to refresh his memory of Catholic baptisms” Maggie nodded “Just tell us the morning of and we’ll be there” She smiled, and I hoped that they understood what they were getting into.

  **

  I sat in between Daryl and Spencer in the pick-up truck waiting for the turn off into the small town, where hopefully we’d fine a few shops that still had a few products inside.  I could them some baby clothes, or some wood and make them a crib. Spencer attempted to make small talk over Daryl’s useless stick driving but to no avail; both Daryl and I were focused on other matters. My leg occasionally bumping agents Daryl’s or Spencer’s thighs, causing Daryl to tense his arms agents the wheel and Spencer to move closer to me.

After knocking on the window we strolled into the shop, all armed with only hand knives, Spencer staying close behind as I followed Daryl. The store was dark and silent, expect for a few bangs of a stuck Rotter. Scanning the shelves, seeing a few boxes of incense, I figured it must have been a bit of a Hippie shop. Shoving whatever labelled ‘Natural Remedy’ into my rucksack; only a few bottles of oils and dried herbs.

“I’m gonna check the back” I called out, heading towards that door that said ‘employees only’ where the nagging was coming from.

Daryl shot me a look “Nah, I’ll get the walkers in a sec,”. Rolling my eyes at his dismissal I opened the door to the back. The second my hand pulled the handle back I knew I fucked up. The walker over powering me, and knock me to the floor.

Shit. Shit. His teeth biting and snapping towards my neck getting out a grunt I tried to bring my knife up to his head, but I couldn’t reach.

The only thing blocking his jaws from my neck was my forearm. Shit, I tried to kick my legs, trying to knock him over, but that only made him get closer to my face. I pushed the rotter back a little, just about to get my knife through its temple, but a knife went through his eye, inches away from my chin away from my chin.

Throwing him off of me I gasped for air .My ‘savoir’ spoke “Fuck Nina I told you I’d get it” I looked to Daryl standing over me, with a red face and veins pulsating in his neck. I propped myself up on my elbows “I had him” I huffed in annoyance. “Shit was reckless and you know” Jesus I feel like I’m being scolded for sneaking out on a school night. Spencer had slipped behind me into the store room.

Pushing myself to my feet I stand only a few inches away from him “I said I had him” Daryl stepped back. “Really? It didn’t look like it. Actually it looked like you were about to get bit” My temper was getting the better of me, I would have apologized if he didn’t have his finger in my face. I slapped it away, the dark shop making him seem more threatening, but this only pissed me off more.

Jesus Christ what is wrong with him. “I said I had it Dixon” I spat, turning on my heel and walking into the back. Obviously Daryl didn’t feel like this conversation was over, he grabbed my arm and was about to open his mouth to scold me.

I quickly decided that I wasn’t listening to a lecture before blurting out an “I’m sorry”. He dropped my arm, his eyes were a stern blue trying to read me. I’m a good liar, I know that much, but see saw threw it. He squinted his eyes before walking past me into the back.

“Clothes, shitty CD’s and candles mostly” Spencer announced as we walking in. It was dark due to the lack of windows, turning on my torch so I could get a better look “Take the clothes, they can be used has bandages” I said.

I strained my eyes trying to read the labels on boxes threw the dust. I brushed the curls off my face finding a book. “Natural Births: A Doulas Guide”, perfect, now I’ve a little thank you present for the godparents

Stuffing clothes I thought could be bandages I looked down, and saw a purple scarf and smiled at the genital colour. Hesitating to pick it up, it felt so wrong to even consider something frivolous at the end of the world.

Actually, no it didn’t. Fuck it I want a pretty head head scarf. I put my rucksack down warped it around my head once, just enough to keep the hairs off my face.

I walked over to the boys hearing a few laughs and a few “fuck yeahs” after curiosity got the better of me. They were kneeling down over three or four boxes, and peering over I could just about see glass bottles.

Spencer turned, smiling while handing me one of the mixed matched bottles. “This has been a great day” He beamed before turning back to the boxes. I brought my torch up to the bottle, no label.

I cautiously unscrewed it, taking a whiff. Immediately regretting it as the smell burnt my nose hairs. Regret soon turned into pure joy after registering what I smelt

Moonshine.

Part one Part two Part three Part four Part Five Part six Part seven

 Part nine Part ten Part eleven

Tags: @buckysjuicyplums

[crazykendal]

Bored, Single, and Dead

1. What was on your mind mostly today? MOVING ON from some people and why my right arm feels fucking wierd

2. If someone looked on your bed, what would they find? oh shit idkk

3. What’s on your schedule for tomorrow? im going to Tahoe

4. Are you nice to everyone? no

5. Is it possible to be single and happy? for me, no

6. Is it easy for people to make you cry? no but once someone made me cry when I heard them SING for the first time YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE

7. Did you sleep alone last night? I had a sleepover with my sister

8. Do you play with dead bugs? ew no wtf

9. Honestly, are you dating two people? im not even dating one person wth

10. Do you think things will change in the next 3 months? yeah, im going to be dead ass lonely or dead

11. Have you ever slept in the same bed with someone other than family?   nooo

12. Do you want to see somebody right now? yeaahhhh

13. What if you had a baby with the person you like? that's not physically possibly

14. Are you happy? not right now nope

15. Have you ever tripped in public? trippin is my game

16. Is there anyone who doesn’t like you? I sometimes think everone secretly hates me

17. Have you ever sat in the back of a police car? nope

18. Are you stubborn? veRY

19. Do you tend to hold a grudge? yeah, and it can get baddd

20. What’s a fact about the last person that texted you?   oh, well.. they're a scammer

21. Has anyone called you perfect before? nope

22. Where is the biggest scar on your body? my left ankle. I shaved a huge chunk of my skin off and it was baddddd haha

23. Have you ever been told you were amazing? no

24. Would you date someone who was addicted to drugs?

immediate no

25. Are you trying to avoid liking somebody at the moment? well guess what YES and its killlling me

26. Do you trust all your friends? no I cant trust any of them 27. If you could go back and change something in the past 5 months, would you? haha well yeah

28. What pissed you off today? my sister scratches up my arms and it looks like ive tried to cut myself or something

29. What was the last thing you cried about? this one person

30. Who was the last girl you talked to? ^^ same person as ^^

31. Do you know anyone who drinks a lot? no

32. Who sits next to you in English? SCHOOLS OUT BITCHES

33. Ever talked to someone who was drunk? no

34. Have you heard a song that reminds you of someone today? yes everything is about them and its driving me crazy

35. How late did you stay up last night and why? I stayed up til 12:30 reenacting Stranger Things scenes with gummy bears with my sister.

36. Do you know how to properly use grammar in a sentence?   kinda? 37. Are your parents very protective of you? yeah

38. Will you be in a relationship in the next couple months? I fukin wish

39. How many drugs are in your system?   can a Capri Sun count

40. The person who hurt you the most calls and needs you, do you go? bitch no

41. Is it easy to pretend everything’s okay for you? yeah, I do it every day

42. Are you afraid of losing the last person you talked to on the phone? uh that was my dad, so sure

43. Do you think you are a good person? oh god no, if hell existed i’d be going there

44. What do you want right this second? I WANT A FUCKING RELATIONSHIP WITH SOMEONE

45. Do you think it makes him weak if a guy cries? no

46. Have you ever cried cause you were so mad? yeah

47. Could you last in a relationship for over a year?   yes

48. Who were you with on your birthday? i don't really remember or care 49. Have you ever crawled through a window? I feel like I have but don't remember

50. First person to talk to you in 2014? how the fuck am I supposed to remember that, it was 3 years ago

51. Do you miss your past? Not really but I dont regret meeting some sweet ass people

52. It’s 4 in the morning, your phone rings, who is it? a telemarketer, I have like no friends so no one ever checks up on me, by the time someone does I might be dead.

53. Do you have anything interesting planned for the next week? VIDCON I get to meet Sara Rubin, Ashly Perez, Allison Raskin, Gaby Dunn, Stephanie Frosch, and Bria and Crissy and maybe Simply Nailogical haha

54. Who was the last person to text you?

scammmmmmmmer

55. What were you doing 4 hours ago? i dont remember

56. Is there a certain song that you can’t stop listening to atm? Secrets by The Weeknd

57. Tell me 3 things that your friends don’t know about you. well well well I cant say

58. What is something that people often give to you as a gift? honestly nothing

59. Do you tend to hold on to a lot of stuff you don’t need, just because it has sentimental value? yeah then a month later I can get rid of it

60. What is something that reminds you of your ex?

well guess what i havent even dated at all so nop

61. Has the last person you kissed ever cried in your arms? my cat Bub has not cried in my arms

62. Which would you prefer to receive as a gift - flowers or chocolate? chocolate

63. When did you last take a shower/bath? Do you wash your hair every time? I took a shower like 2 hours ago, yeah I was my hair every time.

64. Would you prefer to be somewhere else right now? yep

65. Do any of your followers on Tumblr have your phone number? yeahh

66. Will you be going out tonight, or staying in? staying in listening to Alone by halsey because it’s relatable.

67. How many times have you been in love? ONCE and maybe I still am but I need to fix it BECAUSE SOMEONE ISNT GOING TO MY HIGH SCHOOL NEXT YEAR and im going to be so fcked and messed up so pray for me

68. If you were heartbroken, who would help you pick up the pieces? ususally myself of this one friend I have she’s cool and she bacically proved I was bi. No it’s not you olivia sorry dude

69. Apparently, it’s very common to crave chocolate around the ‘time of the month’; do you ever get that craving? no

70. How would you feel about dating someone who had a reputation for being a player in the past? Do you think that players will ALWAYS be players, or is it possible that they can change? I’d give them a chance but idk Ive nvr fcking dated at all so whaat

71. Did you sleep well last night? sure

72. Is your bedroom big enough for you? sure

72. Are you looking forward to seeing someone soon? imexited to see Sara Rubin on Friday because she actually screwed up my love life and I dont even want to get started with that because it’s actually funny but will make me cry.

73. Ever had a one-night stand? nope

74. Is anyone flirting with you? I wish

75. Have you ever felt pressure to do anything you didn’t want to, like smoking, drinking, or losing your virginity, before you were ready for it? If so, how did you deal with that? all the time, like when the teacher tells us to do homework like wth hahahahahahaahaha idk

76. Do you consider yourself to be an intelligent person? Why/why not? no im really stupid and can have absolutely no common sense its actually really funny

77. Who would you most like to be stuck in a lift with? Ashley Nicolette Frangipane

78. Is there anyone you’d HATE to be stuck in a lift with? oh my god yeah like the chick who plays Enid in the walking dead, and like my whole school.

79. When did you last talk to the person you love/like? What did you talk about? pff what lemme look... a hour and a half ago ahahahahahah

80. Have you ever seen your father cry? no

81. How would your parents react if you got pregnant? well i dont know because I dont really want kids

82. Do you/did you keep to your school’s uniform/dress code? sure

83. If the last person you kissed said you were the only one they wanted, would you believe them? Bub is a mean cat to my other cats and I wouldnt believe it

84. What was the highlight of your summer? cant rememeber

85. The last time you threw up, was it because you were hungover? idk

86. Have you ever seen the film ‘Wake Wood’? What did you think of it? never heard of it

87. Are you confused about anything atm? Is there anything bothering you? Or, is everything good? some people and their lies

88. If you say ‘I’ve had enough’ or ‘I’m done’, do you always mean it? no haha

89. Who was the last person that invited you to their house? honeslty scammer because I have no other friends

90. Have your parents ever told you about any alternative names they considered for you, or the name they would have chosen, if you’d turned out to be a boy? ASHLEY

91. Are you friends with any of your exes? n/a

92. Have you ever had to make an emergency phone call?

no

93. If you’re in a relationship, how is it going? If you’re single, are you looking for someone? *cries*

94. What language do you like the sound of? english ;)

95. Think about the last guy, outside of family, that you had a conversation with. Do you find him sexy? ew no wtf

96. What do you think is an assumption that someone could make about you, just by looking at your Tumblr? Would this assumption be correct? idk

97. What’s the most attractive physical feature of the person you love/like? HA I’d rather not write an essay right now

98. Do you consider yourself to be a strong person? Why/why not? .kindaaa?

99. Tell me about a special moment you’ve had with the person you love/like. just convos

100. What are you doing tomorrow? Im going to tahoe

[nellie-elizabeth]

The Walking Dead: The Bridge (9x02)

I found this episode to be an improvement over last week's premiere. Let's take a look!

Cons:

There's a subplot where Gabriel and Jadis (or whatever her real name is) begin a relationship. Am I supposed to give a crap about the two of them? Nice try. And speaking of couples I still don't really care about, Carol and Ezekiel had a couple of cute moments, I guess, but overall I'm still not invested in them as a couple.

This show is at its weakest when it starts moralizing. When one character monologues about the meaning of life and how we can all make things better... yadda yadda. This episode has Rick talking to a mysterious, unseen figure, discussing the progress of the various communities. It's meant to be a surprise who he's talking to, but frankly that's a little insulting to the audience's intelligence. It's Negan. Duh. The only other option would be Carl's grave or something, but that's clearly not what they were setting up. Rick talks on and on, and then Negan leans into the light at the end of the episode and basically says that this is all for nothing, that things are going to turn to crap again before long. The dialogue is too campy, and Rick's entire argument is difficult to sympathize with... because Negan's probably right. We're already seeing the cracks in the foundation, and every other time these people have found a measure of peace, something has come along to mess it up. Why should we believe this time will be different?

There are a couple of logistical nits that I could harp on. Not a huge deal, but it's a little odd that the big catastrophe this week all hinges on this one dude from the Saviors not doing his job properly. After all the mistrust and whatnot, are we supposed to believe that Rick would let one lone Savior be in charge of something so vitally important? Or even if Rick really is letting the whole "peace" idea go to his head too much, are we supposed to believe that Daryl would have let that fly? Come on.

Pros:

In all, however, this episode had good pacing, some interesting and thoughtful conversations, and some actual moments of tension.

This episode did something kind of unexpected, but very smart. Even after the time jump between last season's finale and this year's premiere, we get yet another time jump to start off episode two. In previous seasons, the story has felt bogged down by moving time forward at a glacial pace, by keeping the final confrontation with Negan in the chamber for way too long, among other problems of that sort. Here, we're moving forward at a nice clip, and it almost feels like a way of making up for lost time. Whether we're actually moving towards Rick's planned utopia, or yet another failure to launch, it makes sense that we would need to move forward quickly to see some sort of endgame as Rick's character exits the show.

We see that Maggie is not totally hard-hearted and unreasonable. The guy who tried to kill her has  been locked up, but Maggie lets his wife visit him, and actually speaks to the man about his alcoholism and what has led him to this point in his life. Remembering her father, Maggie lets the prisoner free and allows him to get to work on the plow that will help to feed Hilltop. She also caves on Michonne's request and sends some additional food stores to the Sanctuary. Obviously there are going to be tensions between Maggie and Rick's ideas of how the future is going to go. But this episode proved that she's not totally unreasonable. I like how it took multiple conversations and perspectives, but that she really was willing to listen and change her mind. Jesus helped to convince her, and Michonne did as well.

Michonne is starting to pitch this idea of a standardized set of laws. She and Maggie talk about how some people are redeemable, and how others, like Gregory, are given chance after chance, and never seem to change. Maggie doesn't regret her decision to execute Gregory, but she doesn't totally dismiss Michonne's perspective on it either - these kinds of decisions can't be just one person's to make. Maggie might be right, but there should be a system with oversight so that people like Negan don't crop up again and make all of the calls. Basically, they need laws. A government. This is the only endgame for The Walking Dead other than just total annihilation.

Over in the main plot, a bunch of people from different communities are coming together to repair a bridge that's needed to keep trade routes open. There is some tension between the Saviors and the other workers, and this all comes to a head when a botched herding operation sends a hoard of Walkers right into the work camp. Nobody dies, but Aaron is pinned under a log and he ends up losing his arm at the hands of a very nervous yet ultimately successful Enid, who is training to be a medic. Last week, we saw the death of a random guy from Hilltop, and the scene lacked all tension. This week, nobody dies, but I was a thousand times more invested in the moment. I like Aaron. Aaron matters to me. And this show has such a rotten track record with its queer characters that every time a queer character is put in peril, my heart leaps into my throat. Aaron will live, armless, and despite his terrible injury he still believes in the future Rick is building, and is grateful to be a part of it.

There are two things I want to talk about here. One is Daryl. Obviously the Carol/Daryl ship is one I hold very near and dear to my heart, but I would so be on board for Daryl/Aaron, you guys. Like, a lot. Daryl's fear and rage over Aaron's injury was frightening to behold. Even Carol could barely hold him back from beating the Savior who indirectly led to Aaron getting hurt. Obviously tensions are running high for a bunch of different reasons, but I like that Daryl remains intensely loyal to his people, and that this very much includes Aaron.

The second thing is Rick. He's being very pie-in-the-sky lately, but it's not quite as straightforward as it might seem. For one thing, he does get in this Savior guy's face about what has happened. He is still willing to lay down the law when things go wrong, and he exiles this disobedient and dangerous man from the camp. There's also the fact that even after just losing an arm, Aaron is still hopeful about the future of their new civilization. Rick keeps talking about how everything is going great, and people are all coming together and getting better, and while Daryl and some of the others try to check his enthusiasm, he also has the devotees like Aaron telling him that he's doing the right thing and saving them all. It's bound to get to a guy, and Rick, while not seeking worshipers, might find himself a little more Negan-like than he wants to contemplate. Seasons ago, when the Saviors were first introduced, I was intrigued with the idea that our "good guys" were really no better than the supposed villains they were hunting down. That idea was done away with when we introduced Negan, but now maybe we're coming back around to it in a very unexpected way.

I still don't know how Rick is meant to exit this show. It's going to be a big deal, and I'm excited and nervous to see it play out. There are always one or two things with this darn show that will pull me back in, even when my interest overall is way down from what it used to be.

8/10