#listen this might become a series + part two + or full fic ? i really like this concept

[uravitypng]

tsukishima has such bully energy. he'll pull the chair under you before you sit down, he'll steal your things and hold them above your head, he'll call you nasty names and laugh about how ugly you are. bully tsukishima thinks of you at night while he's stroking his cock. he thinks about how you look stunning with watery eyes, when you're trying your hardest not to cry and you pout so pretty. his favourite thing is when you try so hard to get your things back, you'll go on your tippy toes and jump up, causing your breasts to bounce slightly and your thighs jiggle, if you're wearing thigh high socks that day they'll roll down. he'll think about the time when he was behind you on the stairs, your skirt was swaying and if he looked close enough he could see your underwear. he cant stop thinking about you, maybe tomorrow he'll be able to get you to cry.

[somebirdortheother]

Day By Day - by SomeBirdOrTheOther - Foundation (TV)

A gift for @brotherdusk and @occasionalmaven, Part 2 of Where I End And You Begin series.

Summary: Demerzel and Shadowmaster Obrecht have worked for the Cleonic Dynasty for centuries. Consummate professionals, catty rivals, and, undeniably, the Galaxy's most iconic work wives - might the two be friends, too?

I suppose this fic contains my take on @daneelsolivaw very important question 😊

A VERY SPECIAL SHOUTOUT to @brotherdusk's The Riddle, because her Obrecht inspired me greatly 😘. Listen, that whole thing has me in a chokehold. Haven't read it? Well - off you go, read on!

ANOTHER SPECIAL SHOUTOUT to @occasionalmaven's Knowing, the softness and tenderness of which inspired to treat the characters in this series with kindness 🌺

THIS FIC COMES WITH A SCAVENGER HUNT FOR FOUNDATION BOOK LOVERS (details at the bottom of the post).

Snippet:

Serves me right for taunting her over her Palace position for all these centuries.  Demerzel should have arrived on the Maiden already. That meant that she would take about four to six hours to settle in - talk to the religious fanatics, stare at the desalination facility construction site, and procure herself the sandy moon’s finest private palace from which she could lick her wounds over being unceremoniously exiled by Day. That had to be all - or was he missing anything? The fact that Obrecht found himself starting a countdown to when he would finally be able to communicate with his colleague was a troubling revelation. It was not that he was unable to prioritise the suddenly expanded scope of his responsibilities to the Cleonic Dynasty. Far from it. He was a professional and more than keen to finally show Demerzel how things were done. Only it had been mere hours, and he already wanted to punch Dusk thrice, and Day was giving him a persistent eye twitch with how needy he had become the moment the imperial ship carrying Demerzel had left Trantor. Obrecht could not believe his ears over the sheer range of matters suddenly requiring his personal - and urgent - attention. Some of the barked orders were as expected - like the full review of Palace security protocols - although he would typically collaborate with the currently departed colleague. Other items on Brother Day’s list of grievances were truly baffling and seemingly unending. Was every Empire like that? He refused to believe it was the case, his mind revolting to think that Brother Dusk would have requested that he find him a new ‘evening reading partner’ with a straight face back when he sat on the middle throne. He could not imagine Demerzel indulging the Twelfth like that, either, but that was a separate matter.

Read the rest on AO3.

This little exploration into their relationship is set between Chapters 4 and 5 of See You How You Really Are but can be read as a standalone piece if you imagine the following scenario: after the events of Season 1 Episode 10, Brother Day has exiled Demerzel to the Maiden.

****SCAVENGER HUNT ALERT****

You heard it right, I am doing another scavenger hunt.

Given that we are in Foundation fandom, I have a hidden book!Foundation reference in the text. Now, can anyone spot which character's mannerisms/habits, and perhaps, which chapter, even, has inspired bits and pieces of this fic's setup?

Whoever gets the answer right may request a one-shot set in Where I End And You Begin Universe, and perhaps outside of it. Happy hunting!

Tagging folks I’ve previously tagged on See You How You Really Are updates: @lady-of-imladris @helenvader @coraleethroughthelookingglass @iamstartraveller776 @thenookienostradamus @vellichormybeloved ❤️

Would like to be tagged in my fics? Click here.

[infestedguest]

I like ABBA as much as the next guy, but I kind of hate how in the Stranger Things fandom it’s become the go-to example of era-appropriate preppy pop music . They were huge in the 70s yeah, but their last major hit One Of Us came out in 1981 (a full two years before season one), and they became seen as incredibly uncool for the rest of the decade. According to an interview with The Guardian in 2021, they were so disliked by 1982 that Björn Ulvaeus thought they’d never get the group back together. It wouldnt be that weird to headcanon one of the older characters liking them, but headcanoning the younger ones enjoying them unironically and without shame, especially the ones characterized as being "hip" or up to date with whats cool (which is why it`s so odd that Steve of all characters is the one most often subjected to this phenomena).

I have literally never seen anyone in this fandom mention The Go-Gos. Ever. That is an actual crime. You are all going to jail. The closest I’ve heard y’all get is mentions of Belinda Carlisle’s Heaven Is A Place On Earth, which came out in 1987, a year off from season 4 and definitely way too late for the first three seasons. The Go-Gos were literally the most popular all female rock band of all time. Head Over Heels is the U.S. national anthem and anyone who says otherwise is a liar. That second part was a joke but the first one is true. Personally I’d headcanon Steve and El in particular liking them. Steve because I’m pretty sure the only artist we see him listening to in canon is Pat Benatar, so him liking another, albeit much peppier, female lead rock act doesn’t seem like that much of a stretch. El because she deserves to have fun. If you want some song recommendations, my favorites from them are Head Over Heels, Turn To You, and Can’t Stop The World. Especially Turn To You, that song goes so goddamn hard.

Another band that I like and was popular at the time that I never see any mention of in this fandom is The Cars. I will admit though that that may be partially because the name “The Cars” is really hard to search for since both words in it are incredibly common. I also headcanon Steve liking them, he just seems like a The Cars kinda guy. Maybe Max as well (though I was a bit more confident in this headcanon before season 4). My song recommendations for them are Just What I Needed, Bye Bye Love, Let’s Go, and It’s All I Can Do (just note that these particular songs are actually from 1978-79, just because I happen to prefer their earlier work. It would probably still be considered pretty relevant, since there`s a world of difference between older songs by a band that is currently popular and older songs by a band that currently publicly disliked, but I thought I should address it anyway, since a lot of my argument hinges on relevancy. A couple songs that are more apropos are Drive and You Might Think, which are both from 1984).

I like a lot of other songs an artists from this time period and general genre, but these were the two that I thought were the most egregiously overlooked in the very, very specific context of the Stranger Things fandom, as well as being two of my favorites.

Sorry if this post came off as aggressive, you can headcanon literally anything you want (that’s kind of the point of headcanons lol), even in the face of historical inaccuracy, it’s just the ubiquity of that misconception in this fandom that bothers me a little, especially since it typically means overlooking other period and genre appropriate bands, especially ones I happen to like. Again, there’s nothing at all wrong with ABBA, or headcanoning ST characters liking ABBA. I especially liked WriterRose‘s (@wannabe-cartoonist on here I think) depiction of Steve liking ABBA in “Bah humbug” where the kids find one of their records in the player at his house and he tries to convince them it’s his mom’s. The music references in that entire fic series are great actually, you should go read it if you haven’t.

[here2bbtstrash]

for the fanfic asks!! 1, 2 (because i swear even though i’m still catching up with your masterlist… galaxy brained fr) but also i apologise in advance because i tried narrowing down the following questions.. i really did lmaoo, but the questions were too good not to pick multiple!? 6, 7, 11, 13, 18, 21, 22, 25

wieuhfekrjfdf thank u for all the questions omg 🥺 i'm gonna stick this under a cut so it's not crazy long haha!!

1. Do you daydream a lot before you write, or go for it as soon as the ideas strike?

hmmm i'd say probably a healthy mix of the two? i have to plot/outline something (even just a pwp oneshot) before i dive in, i am definitely not the kind of person who can fly by the seat of their pants. however i also really like striking while the iron is hot, bc i feel like the words usually flow the fastest when an idea is fresh. so i'll at least try to ride the wave of dopamine and outline an idea in full as soon as i get it 😂 writing the actual thing usually takes much longer!

2. Where do you get your fic ideas?

honestly i don't even know half the time 💀 sometimes a friend will say something to me and my brain just zooms, sometimes it's partially based off my own life, sometimes it's based off something i read or watched or heard in a song. i just have a very overactive imagination lmao!!

6. What’s the last line you wrote? & 7. Post a snippet from a wip.

i'm combining these two together bc the last two lines i wrote are funny and not really a spoiler for anything so here u go:

The whole night gets fuzzy around the edges when Matthew storms into the kitchen and abruptly changes the music to Bad Bunny before making everyone do a round of tequila shots for seemingly no reason at all. For a while you lose Tiffany to the magnetic power of his body rolls, and you can’t exactly blame her.

13. Do you listen to music while you write?  If yes, what have you been listening to recently?

not while i write, no, but music is a huge part of my inspiration process! i just can't focus while listening to anything with lyrics (even if they're in a language i don't understand lol). but here are some songs on the LDOMLT ch 11 playlist 👀

18. Do you enjoy research?  Which fic of yours required the most research?

i do, though sometimes i can get WAY too carried away with it for something that truly no one will give a fuck about lmao. LDOMLT has definitely had the most research put into it - on the music industry, on the grammys, on los angeles and seoul, on visas 😵‍💫 so much lmao

21. Do you prefer writing chaptered fics or one-shots?

oneshots for sure! i've loved writing my series but it's certainly a labor of love. it's a much deeper commitment required!! and i'm a commitment-phobe 😅

22. Do you title your fics before, during, or after the writing process?  How do you come up with titles?

i'd say 9/10 times i have a working title while i'm writing the fic, and that usually ends up becoming the title, tho sometimes i change them last minute (it's sweet was almost called that's life, for example 👀) - and i usually steal my titles from songs, tho not necessarily always songs that inspired the work in question (for example it's sweet is a liz phair song but it.... is very off-brand for that fic 😂)

25. What’s your favorite part of the writing process (worldbuilding, brainstorming/outlining, writing, editing, etc)?

i always joke with my friends that i like everything about it except writing, lmfao. i LOVE outlining, plotting, brainstorming, and i LOVE editing and polishing. but i fucking hate drafting so much 👹 WHY CAN'T THE WORDS JUST PUT THEMSELVES ON THE PAGE

35. What’s your favorite fic you’ve posted?

it might be the shape of your body 🥺 i'm really proud of that one!

43. Is there a trope or idea that you’d really like to write but haven’t yet? - already answered this one!

49. What fic of yours would you say is the best introduction to you as a writer?

honestly two in one is a good candidate lmao. like consensual but filthy sex, a reader who asks for what she wants, some queer-adjacent shit, member characterizations that i hope you might find accurate 🙆‍♀️ and a smidge of dumb humor. let's go with that one!

69. What are your favorite fics at the moment?

i'm gonna cop out and say check out my fic rec friday tag 💜 i read and review stuff once a week! and don't feel like doing it right now 😂

78. What motivates you during the writing process?

honestly, i'm not always motivated 🤷‍♀️ but i try to show up anyway, regardless of how i feel. the hardest part for me is always getting started, so i do my best to push through that initial block and try to get words down anyway. worst case scenario, if i go back and truly hate them, i can delete them. but i don't think that's ever happened!

79. Do you have any writing advice you want to share?

write the porn you wish to see in the world 😂

fanfic writing asks~

[millenialfanfictionaddiction]

Please Me: Oikawa's Oasis Part 3

⚠️This Fic is 18+, Minors DNI⚠️

Welcome to week 4 of the Please Me Series!  A collaboration with @axoxtxhxh! This weeks theme is Virginity Loss featuring Oikawa and Goshiki!  This weeks fics are broken into 3 parts! Parts 1 and 2 are linked in the master list below! Please check out Joey’s fic, Guiding Goshiki!  I will also link it in the Please Me master list!  

Warnings: swearing, slight angst, fluffy ending, virginity loss, kissing, male oral receiving, thigh riding, masturbation,  locker room sex, shower sex, unprotected sex, creampie, guided female masturbation, sub! oikawa, fem dom reader, petnames, one hell of a safeword 

Word Count: 5,000

Staring at the wall, you heard your alarm sound the following morning as you slowly arose from your bed.  You hadn’t slept at all since you had arrived home last night.  You couldn’t shake the feeling of shame and guilt for running away from Torū.

You’re feelings were valid, you knew that. But you knew it wasn’t right to run away from him like you did. You should have talked to him.  In a way, you probably made him feel more self conscious then you had your first time.  

You sighed as you got up to shower and head to the gym. You knew you needed to talk with Torū.  You needed to explain to him that none of this was his fault.  

Locking your door, you headed to the gym as you mentally prepared yourself for the conversation that would follow.  You wanted to tell him about how you were afraid you would ruin his first time.  How your first time failed miserably and that you didn’t want him to regret anything.  

Torū had become very special to you as both a teammate and a friend. You didn’t want to make his time with the team awkward in anyway.  You knew the conversation would be a difficult one but you had to do it.  

Arriving at gym you saw several of the other players nursing hangovers and you began setting up for the days practice.  You yawned as you went to the bench, to grab your notes as the teams captain approached.

“You must have really worn Torū out YN” he said nudging your side as you looked at him confused “he texted me this morning telling me he was too ‘worn out’ to come to practice” he said throwing up air quotes “I’m actually surprised you’re here today.”

Hearing the Torū wasn’t coming to practice hit your like a ton of bricks, the feeling guilty washing over you as you felt the urge to cry.  You turned away from the captain as he watched you walk away in silence, going to fill the teams water bottles.  

Stepping from the gym, you felt the tears flow as the guilt and shame of your actions washed over you. How could you act so immature?  How could you just run away?  

You cried as you went to fill the teams water bottles. God I probably made him feel so insecure. I’m such an idiot you thought to yourself as you tried to calm down enough to finish your task and excuse yourself to your office.  You could camp out there the rest of the practice, telling the coach you had some work to catch up on.  At least then you could cry in peace.

Torū groaned as he woke up from his small nap. He hadn’t been able to sleep because of what had transpired between YN and himself.  He felt so shamed, so inadequate.  These were feelings he didn’t often have, causing chaos in his mind as he jolted hearing the sudden ring of his phone.

He answered the FaceTime call to a smiling Iwaizumi as he tried to bring a smile to his glum face.

“Shittykawa what’s the matter with you?  I didn’t expect you to pick up. Don’t you have practice? Iwaizumi says as Oikawa just stared at him.

Iwaizumi was confused. He had known Oikawa for many years and this was the first time he had ever seen the former high school captain so gloomy. Even losing their 3rd year volleyball tournament hadn’t made the captain as sad as he was now.

“I messed up Hajime” Torū said as Iwaizumi reeled back.  Oikawa never used his full name.

“What happened? Are you ok?” He said as Torū tried to hold his composure in. His emotions were all over the place, he had never felt so vulnerable, so destroyed “Hey Torū, are you ok?”

That did it. Iwaizumi saying his name caused Torū to cry like he had never cried before. He wasn’t even embarrassed, not one bit. He didn’t have time to feel embarrassed. He felt too ashamed.

“Hajime” Torū said finally calming down “she- YN doesn’t want me.”

Iwaizumi was stunned.  Never had this ever happened. A girl didn’t want the Torū Oikawa?  What kind of alternative dimension was he living in?

Iwaizumi watched as his friend wiped his face with his palms, trying to figure out what to say.

“Uhh- well umm what happened” he managed to muster up as he tried hard to still comprehend the previous statement made by his friend.

“Last night, I went out with the team.  Things with YN got heated.  We came back to my place.  Everything was going so well.  Then I told her I was a virgin and she freaked out and ran” he said as he looked down, unable to make eye contact with his friend.

Iwaizumi couldn’t help but chuckle to himself and try as he might, he was unable to hold a straight face.  He laughed loudly as Torū’s head whipped up into view, sending glares at him.

“Dude, I'm sorry” he laughed “but please tell me that you just didn’t say ‘YN I’m a virgin’ and expect her to be like ready to rip your v-card from your grasp.”

Iwaizumi laughed loudly as Torū just continued to stare at his friend “I don’t think it’s very funny Iwa-chan” he said he  scuffed at his friends laughter.

“Boy, you really are lame shittykawa” he said chuckling “are you sure you really are good with women?  I mean I don’t blame her one bit!  Taking a guy’s virginity would suck!  I mean men really don’t know shit about pleasuring women so what’s in it for her?”

Torū thought hard while his friend talked. Maybe he had approached it wrong to begin with. Not that he thinks about it, his method of delivery was a bit hasty.  

“Dude, I think you need to just talk to her You don’t really know why she turned you down.  I mean it sounds like she likes you from the way things went last night. Maybe you just made her nervous.”

Torū knew his friend was right. You had never given him any indication that you didn’t like him and he knew that, last night you felt something just like he did.

Torū looked at his friend as he smiled “you’re right Iwa-chan I’ll talk to her tomorrow.” Iwaizumi laughed as he watched the light stream back into his friend’s face.  

“Good luck idiotkawa” he said hanging up as Torū laid his phone down.  It was getting late, well after practice had ended. He knew he should try and get to the gym to practice some before tomorrow. He gathered his gear as he made his way to the gym, hoping someone was still there so he could practice.

You had managed to avoid the team for the entire practice. The coach had bought your excuse and you stayed cooped up in your small office until after practice.  

You signed as you stood up from your chair, tired from sulking and crying the entire afternoon.  You grabbed your bag and locked the office door.  Thankfully it was Friday and you could spend the weekend sleeping.  You were exhausted but yet somehow found the strength to cry for hours on end.  

You approached the gym doors as the all too familiar sounds of volleyball slamming into the floor radiated into your ears.  You checked your phone, nothing that it was 7pm and well past practice time.  You approached the gym doors as you quietly peaked in to see a sweating Torū setting up a serve, smashing it straight into the net  

“UGH DAMMIT” he said shouting as he prepared the throw another one up, once again managing to net the ball.  He leaned over, placing his hands on his knees and he grabbed his towel and headed to the locker rooms.  He had only been practicing for an hour but he was just unable to get into it.  

You watched as he made his way into the locker rooms, following to the doors as you slowly opened them, hearing him shout from inside.

“Torū,you idiot!” he shouted as you winced at his words.  You felt awful. You knew he was like this because of what had transpired between the two of you the previous night.  

You walked in the doors, standing for a moment as you see Oikawa sitting on the bench, a towel placed over his head and his elbows rested on his knees.

You knew you had to say something.  You couldn’t let him think any of this was his fault.  This was all your doing and it was time you owned up to it  

“Hey Torū” you said softly as the locker room door closed behind you and Torū’s head snapped up to meet yours. He looked at you as you walked over to him, sitting directly in across from him on the other bench.

“We need to talk” you said as he put his head down, trying not to cry again.

“It’s ok YN.  There’s nothing to talk about” he said he went to stand up, stopping when you grabbed his forearm.

“No Torū” you said as you sniffles lightly “I need to apologize.”

Torū was confused as he sag back done the bench, removing the towel from his head.  He stared at you questioningly.  What were you apologizing for?

You played with your fingers for a moment as you tried hard to muster up the courage to talk.  You knew what you wanted to say, rather what you needed to say.  

“Torū, I’m sorry I ran out on you.  I shouldn’t have done that.  I- I just got really nervous” you say, still looking down at the floor as you took a deep breath and tried hard not to cry.

“When you told me you were a virgin, it made me nervous.  I remember my first time all too well and I- well I just don’t want your first time to be like mine was” you speak as Torū looks at you, still confused.

The whole time the issue hadn’t been that he was a virgin, it had been that you wanted him to have a good experience?  He was shocked.  Here he though the issue was him, when in reality the issue was your own self doubts. He listened as you continued to talk.

“My first time wasn’t good Torū.  I didn’t know what I was doing and I thought I had feelings for the guy but like he didn’t have feelings for me.  And I really like you Torū and I just don’t want you to regret anything.  The fact that you trusted me with something so special made me nervous and scares” you said as your eyes went up to meet Torū.  

He looked at you, staring into your eyes as he tried hard to comprehend everything you had just said. He felt awful that your first experience wasn’t good but he also knew his feelings for you were valid and now he knew you had feelings for him too. He continued to stare as he worked his way thought the issues in his mind.  

You frowned as you took his silence as a bad sign, sighing as you stood up.  

“Thanks for letting me explain myself Torū.  You are so amazing and you deserve someone special” you said as you went to leave the locker rooms.

Torū snapped from his thoughts as he quickly grabbed your hand, pulling you back into his as he placed a light kiss on your lips. He smiled as you looked at him, very confused as to what had just happened.

Torū put his forehead on yours as you smiled softly.  

“YN, you don’t get it.  I want you to be my first because of how I feel about you” he said as he looked at you softly. You had become an oasis for him. An escape from reality and daily life. You had loved volleyball as much as him and you had always been genuine with him.  

You smiled as you grabbed his neck, kissing him softly again as he pulled your body flush against his as he deepened the kiss.  He placed his hands on your soft waist as he moved his hand up and down your back as you grabbed at his hair pulling him in closer to you.

You break from the kiss, staring at each other as your lips hovered over his.  Your body hearing up as you could feel his erection forming against your thigh.  You kissed his chin to his neck as he pulled your pelvis in closer, grinding where he could, trying hard to gather any amount of friction to ease his aching cock.

He backed away from him as he watched in confusion as you approached the locker room door.

Not again he thought as he heard the lock click, watching you stroll back to him, pulling him back into a full embrace.  He needed you and bad.  He couldn’t stand this pain in his cock anymore. He needed relief and the only medicine was you.

You push him back to the bench as he sits down looking up at you as you smirk down at him.

“Torū do you really want this?” You said as he groans, looking up at your gorgeous figure.  

He nodded frantically as you took his chin in your hand “I need a verbal response Torū” you said as his eyes widened.

“Yes- yes YN I want this” he said as you step back, removing your shirt and leggings, watching him ogle at your nearly naked form.  

“Ok Torū, I want you to pick a safe word just incase things get to be too much for you” you said as he gawked at you in your bra and panties. He was having a hard time concentrating on the task at hand with you standing tall in front of him.

“Torū!” you repeated as you snapped your fingers in front of his eyes, trying to get his attention turned back.

“Oh shit- yeah a safe word, umm how about ‘Kageyama’?” He said as you stared strangely at the word.

“I’ve never heard of ‘Kageyama’?  What does that mean?” You said as he stood up from his spot approaching you as he grabbed at your scantily clad hips.

“Don’t worry about it. It’s just something will definitely snap me out of the mood” he said as you chuckled lightly embracing Torū in a heated kiss.  

Your tongue licked his lips lightly as he granted you access, opening his mouth to your wet muscle as you massaged your tongue against his, pulling light groans from his pretty head.

You tugged on his shirt as he lifted his arms up, letting you pull the shirt from his body as your fingers and palms run up his sculpted chest.  

Your fingers graze lightly over his nipples as he shutters and groans.  His body was so reactive to every touch, every movement. The fact that you were about to engage in intercourse with the setter still made you a bit nervous but you tried hard to cast the self doubt aside, wanting to make the experience memorable for both you and Torū.

As if on queue, Torū looked at you sweetly as he brushed the tip of your nose with his. “you know YN, we could just count this as your virginity loss too.  I mean clearly you are as nervous as I am” he said chuckling as you laughed loudly throwing your head back.  

“That’s a good idea Torū but I am experienced in pleasuring a partner” you said as you push him down to the bench “just be a good boy for me and let me take the lead, ok?”

Torū gulped as he eyes widened at as your form sunk to your knees in front of him.  This was really happening and in the team locker room.  Not an ideal place to lose your virginity but he was not about to interrupt you.

“Umm YN” he said as he looked at you , kneeling before him with your hands placed on your plush thighs “don’t you umm, don’t you want me to make you feel good too?”  

You chuckled lightly as you reached up pulling him into a heated kiss as he gently rubbed his hands along your soft arms.

“How about I show you what I like while I make you feel good, then you can try?” You say as he nods quickly watching your hands go to his gym shorts, pulling his erection free as he shifts his hips upwards, helping you to remove his pesky shorts.

Your eyes widen at his size as you think about all the possible ways his cock will pleasure your wet cunt.  You felt your core heat up as you looked up to Torū.  

He was completely blissed out. Lost in translation between here and fantasy.  He’s eyes sparkled with excitement as you tested the waters, lightly kicking the tips of his hard cock.

Groaning he threw his head back in pleasure as you smirked to yourself, going in for another lick.  Your tongue laying more and more on his stiffened cock as he writhed in pleasure under your control.

Your body headed as you watched his abs contract in the moment, his mouth hanging open as his tongue lolled out in ecstasy.  He watched as your fingers traced lightly from his legs to your own, peering down at your chest as your fingers danced lightly over your clothed clit.

“Fuck YN” he moaned as he tried his hardest not to come from the sensation of your tongue on his cock.

Taking one final lick, you stand up as you slowly remove your panties from your body, revealing your cunt to him as he stares at the wetness coating your inner thighs.  

“Did you- did I” he said staring at you as you laugh, pushing him back on the hard bench, placing one leg on each side as you rub your clit with your fingers.

“Yes Torū you made me this wet” you say as you widen his legs on the bench, his cock standing tall as you bend down, grinding your cunt on his lower thigh.  

“Holy shit-” he groans as you moan throwing your head back as his leg rubs your clit perfect.  He grabs his cock as he slowly begins to stroke himself, trying hard to concentrate on your moments and pleasure as he feels the wetness pool on his legs.  

You lean over, placing two of your wet fingers in his mouth as he sucks violently, causing you to grind faster and harder.  Your orgasm builds as moans and groans fill the air

 Your body heats up rapidly as the cord in your stomach tightens. Your pace quickens as does Torū’s as you feel the cord begin to loosen.

“Oh fuck Torū” you moan as Toru groans deeply, letting go of his aching cock to watch as you tip over the edge.  

“Come on baby, come for me” he says as the pet name tips you over the edge, your cunt pulsing on his thigh as he watches your face contort into pleasure.  

“That was so hot YN” he says he has gently caressed your arm and leg as his cock aches painfully beside you.

“We are just getting started Torū” you say as you adjust yourself over his pelvis, pushing his cock between your wet folds as your grind back and forth, trying hard to ensure your good and ready to take his cock.

“Fuck YN- I, I’m not going to last long” you say as you shush him, halting your movements.

“Hey its OK.  I already came so now we need you to come. How do you want to come Torū?” You say as he bites his lower lip, watching your pussy settle above his cock.

“Please YN- please put it in. I need to be inside of you princess” he squeaks out as you smirk at his request. You knew he wouldn’t last long inside of you.  One thing you prided yourself on sexually was your ability to ride a cock and boy was Torū in for a treat.  

You line his cock up with your wet cunt, slowly bending your knees down as you impaled yourself in his cock.

The stretch was delicious as Torū’s mouth fell open as he groaned and panted beneath you.  You knew he could feel the tightness you felt as you waited for him to adjust to being inside of you.

Torū’s hands flew to your hips as he tried his hardest to remain calm.  Your cunt was so tight and so warm around his cock. The pleasure was unimaginable.  All he wanted was to feel the release.

“Torū are you ok?” You said as you steadied your hands on his chest watching to make sure the man below you was still coherent.

“It’s so tight YN, please” he moaned as his hands went to your hips and you ground a little down on him as his core shuttered, causing his dick to jolt inside you.

“I’m going to go slow ok” you said as he nodded.  Your feet planted firmly on the ground, you pushed lightly on his chest as you propelled your hips up and down, impaling yourself on his cock over and cover again.  

The pace was agonizing for Torū as whimper and moans fell from his mouth.  You could feel your orgasm building and you knew Torū couldn’t hold on much longer.  You needed to go faster.

“Torū” you groan from above him as you continue your leisurely pace “I’m close can I go-”

“GOD PLEASE BABY FUCK ME” he shouts as your hips speed up, jerking his cock as you felt the familiar knot began to unwind “fuck YN I can’t hold out-”

“Almost baby” you moan as you feel the cord snap inside your stomach as your cunt pulses on Toru's cock causing him to groan and grunt.

“FUCK FUCK FUCK-” he shouts as his hips still into you, painting your walls white as he grips your hips firmly, whimpering below you as he tried his hardest to come down from his high.

He felt absolutely spectacular, like his body was floating on air.  He couldn’t believe how amazing his first time had been. He never imagined it would happen the way it did but he wasn’t complaining.  His body and mind were in complete bliss.

Coming down from your high, you laugh as you look at Torū’s blissed out state.  He smiles at you as he opens his eyes slowly caressing your cheek.  

“That was amazing YN” he said, breath shaking as he came down from his high, breathing steadily.

Your chest filled with pride as you felt sheer happiness fluid your body.  You had redeemed yourself and you had made Torū’s first time amazing.

Standing up slowly, Torū watched as his cum leaked down your thigh as you stood in front of him.  His eyes traced your form as he felt his cock jolt to life again, ready for another round.

Standing up, he quickly grabbed you in a bridal carry, running towards the shower as your screamed and laughed as he set you down, turning the water on and pressing your body against the shower wall.

“eww Torū, this wall is gross” you groan as his lips attach to your neck as you feel his erection growing against your pelvis.

“It’s fine YN, I’ll clean you up afterwards” he says as he kisses you deeply, pulling your body against his as he pulls you under the warm water.  

You break the kiss as you smile softly up at his tall form, water cascading down his body as you feel his hardened chest under your hands.

“I need you” he says as you smirk at him, turning around to face the wall.  You grind your ass into his already hard member as he grabs your hips, pulling you firmly into him.

“Then fuck me Torū” you say as you peer over your shoulders, watching Torū’s face fill with excitement as he lines up his cock with your still damp cunt, slowly pushing in as he slowly sinks deep into your hole.

“fuck YN- your pussy is just amazing” he says as he slowly pulls his cock back out, moving at a snails pace in and out of you.

“Torū” you moan as you mouth falls open  “give me your hand” you say as Torū’s hand appears in front of you as you place it between your legs on your hardened clit.  Torū moans when his fingers hit your clit as you rotate his wrist, showing him exactly how you like to be pleasured.  You let go of his hand as he continues to rub tiny fast circles into your clit as you propel yourself faster onto his cock, meeting his thrusts half way.

The air feels with the smell of sex and the sound of skin slapping as your ass meets his hips over and over.  

“Fuck baby” he groans

“I know Torū, just a little more” you squeak out as he picks up his speed, meeting your ass fast and harshly as his fingers speed up on your clit.

“TORŪ FUCK-” You scream as his hips still on your ass as he presses hard, his head falling to your shoulder as he tries to gain control of his breathing.

“Ahhh fucking hell- FUCK” he shouts as he chest heaves in relief as you both come down from your highs as he releases you and you turn to face him, kissing him softly as he grabs you, pulling you into a tight embrace.  

“Thank you YN” he says whispering into your neck as you smile softly.

After cleaning up and getting dressed, Torū helps you clean up the gym as you get ready to leave for the night.  Locking the gym doors, Torū grabs your hand as he pulls you along with him.

“Torū” you say laughing as the brunette pulls you hastily out of the building “my apartment is the other way!”

“Who said the night was over YN-chan?  I need to practice pleasuring you” he smirks as you gulp, following behind him quickly.

You sure were in for a long night ahead.

taglist: @chaotic-nick @yep-seeyalaterbranflakes @serostapesweat @lovelyzabrak-meadow​

[earnestly-endlessly]

kind of an odd request — do you have fics where erik is grumpy with everyone else but a ray of sunshine with charles?

Hi anon, thank you for the ask. First and foremost, I'm so sorry for how long this took me but I've been searching for all the fics that come to mind that fit your request. Second, this is not an odd request because I love this trope so much. I mean, it's basically canon that he's grumpy with everyone except for his Charles, right? Anyway, I might add to this list later on, but I can't sit on this any longer and hope that you have found some fics that you enjoy!!

Fic Recs Where Erik is grumpy with everyone but a ray of sunshine with Charles

Twice as Blind – Darksknight

Summary: Erik is probably the biggest asshole on the face of the earth, and because of this, he'll probably die alone. Charles is a complete flirt and playboy and, probably, will never commit to anyone ever.

(The lesson here is that when you have two friends who are BOTH secretly seeing someone, well, it's probable that they're seeing each other.)

In the moonlight, on a joy ride – scarlettblush

Summary: Librarian AU. Charles is the young librarian and Erik is the college student who is completely besotted with him.

The Proper Care of Actors – Clear_Liqueur, Clocks, Etherei, afrocurl

Summary: Erik is an A-list action star who is notoriously difficult to work with, until the day he gets cast alongside Charles Xavier, rom-com darling who can charm the pants off movie audiences the world over and apparently even one Erik Lehnsherr. The paparazzi catch them out and about soon enough, and their real-life Hollywood movie romance becomes instant tabloid fodder.

Rumor Mill – ikeracity

Summary: Erik is the grumpiest, most foul tempered worker at Stark industries. His grumpiness is the stuff of legends.

So it's obviously the talk of the office when Erik is being made to go to the company party and he's bringing his husband. There's rumors flying round about how much of a masochist or equally antisocial bastard Erik's husband must be to put up with him. Others think he must be a meek mouse perhaps bullied by Erik.

What they weren't expecting was the confident, charming, adorable and unbelievably nice Charles that turns up on Erik's arm. What they certainly weren't expecting was how much Erik obviously adores his husband and how happy he is to let others see this.

Work/Life Balance – pocky_slash

Summary: Alex is pretty sure his weird, anti-social boss is a robot. Right up until the guy's adorable husband shows up. His adorable husband who happens to be a famous actor. His adorable husband who happens to be the very same famous actor who was the source of many of Alex's teenage fantasies.

Terrifying Domesticity – ishipitsobad

Summary: Erik is the most dangerous and notorious mafia boss around for miles, and yet the strangest things terrify him.

For example: his children, and his very pregnant mate.

Of kittens and teacups and love – Ren

Summary: Modern AU in which Charles and Erik are flatmates. Charles studies psychology and likes tea and chess and keeps bringing home stray kittens, and Erik lets him because he's maybe perhaps a little bit sort of in love with him.

Fools Rush In – LoveSupreme

Summary: Erik owns a cafe on the edge of campus and accidentally starts maybe-stalking a Biology Professor there.

Growing Pains – ikeracity

Summary: Twelve-year-old Erik Lehnsherr is an angry, closed-off foster kid with trust issues and a bad temper. Ten-year-old Charles Xavier is a lonely kid in boarding school who just wants a friend.

Logan pretends he doesn't think they're both fucking adorable.

Series

Home Together (The Finding Our Way Remix) – significantowl

Summary: Erik is not the sort of person other students strike up conversations with. His expression, his posture, every part of his manner say: Don’t talk to me. I don’t want to talk to you. But none of that stops the boy ahead of him in line with the collapsible white cane, and nothing can stop Erik from falling for him, like it or not.

Melted Ice Cream and Macaroni Art – pocky_slash

Summary: Everybody likes Charles. Nobody likes Erik. And that's really the source of Erik's doubts. Also, there's ice cream and a baby. Part of ‘the Daycare’ verse.

Walling in or Walling Out – stlkrchck

Summary: Erik stifles a sigh. Of course this is Mr. C. F. Xavier. Of course.

For the prompt: Charles and Raven are throwing a holiday party. Erik is the grumpy neighbor who is annoyed by how loud they are being. So he goes to complain, and Charles makes it up to him.

(Wise Men Say) Only Fools Rush In – wildelybroken

Summary: After reading a fic where Erik and Charles are super sluts, meet at what is presumably Raven and Emma's engagement party, and end up sleeping together, I made the following comment and just inspired myself.

"They start casually texting each other throughout the day, maybe while they’re bored or frustrated at work, and start out meeting up and sleeping together semi-frequently. And eventually they accidentally start dating without noticing it at first, not until Raven and Emma get them alone and are like “wtf you two super sluts are actually dating??” And at first they deny, but then they’re both like “holy shit, we are!” And they meet back at one of their places and they don’t have to say anything, they just look at each other and come together immediately, kissing passionately and ~making love~. In the middle of it they realise that’s what they’ve been doing for a long time now and they confess their love to each other and they live happily ever after because they deserve all the good in the world."

For Charles – Shigai

Summary: Tired of being told he has to find his 'heart', classical piano graduate Erik Lehnsherr decides to travel to Italy and drink from the famous Italian passion for music. While searching for it, he meets Charles Xavier, a graduate in Fine Arts who is basically travelling around the world perfectioning his technique, and who will turn his world upside down.

Together they will discover that, sometimes, what you thought you didn't need is what you needed the most.

Erik Hates People – Anonymous

Summary: Erik hates people- it's his rule, a way of living.

Sugar – humanitys_cutest

Summary: Erik glances at the clock for what feels like the tenth time in less than half the minutes. It feels like he's been in some meeting or other since the day started almost 10 hours ago, and he's had just about enough of listening to these pompous old men discuss what would be the best design for his building like they know anything about it. He tries as subtly as possible to massage his temples to assuage the building migraine, but he knows it's no use.

He just wants to go home.

Everyone Likes Charles – Rosawyn

Summary: '“Everyone who's met him likes him.” Cain's grin was even stupider than before. “Once you meet him, you'll see.”

It was almost like a challenge then. And damn. Erik hated saying no to a challenge.'

Still Going Strong – JackyJango

Summary: Speaking of forty-eight, Erik hates it. Hates it even more that others are aware of it. While he’s pragmatic enough to know and accept that aging is inexorable, the increase in number gives the people around him the freedom to pounce at him with questions, opinions and advice he'd fought to keep at bay all year.

Besides, Erik believes that youth is a state of mind, not a phase in one’s life.

You have a child’s mind in a man’s body, Charles constantly tells him.

But despite his age, Erik is healthy. He works out daily. His muscles are steel and he can dead-lift four hundred pounds. He can break bones without breaking a sweat. Most importantly, he can still carry Charles to the bedroom and fuck him senseless. And as long as Erik can do that, he’s perfectly happy.

All I know is pouring rain and everything has changed – hllfire

Summary: Charles meets Erik, the man he had heard about many times from his sister and some friends, on a rainy Sunday morning. The stories about Erik paint him as a distant and intimidating man, but Charles finds out that maybe the stories had been wrong.

How to Successfully Ruin Your Life – humanveil

Summary: Seventeen-year-old Charles Xavier accepts a job at his local café, expecting nothing more than a fun, new pastime. What he gets is a mysterious customer and a schoolboy crush.

Stolen – ishipitsobad

Summary: Erik is a miserable, grumpy, cantankerous bastard, and he has every fucking right to be. He drew the short end of the stick when he got the Underworld as his domain, and there isn't very much fun to be had in judging and governing dead souls who would rather be anywhere else but with Erik in the depths of Hell.

So when he meets Charles, brilliant and lovely Charles who is more popularly known amongst the mortals as Persephone, and feels the promise of something wonderful that could make his eternally doomed existence infinitely more bearable... you can bet all your drachmas Erik's not going to let Charles go any fucking time soon.

Erik Lehnsherr's Guide to Saving the Universe By Meeting Your Soul-Mate and Falling in Love in Less than 72 Hours – magneto, pangea

Summary:Army Pilot Erik Lehnsherr is just trying to enjoy his day off when a mostly naked person crashes through the roof of his car. Even more alarming, the strange falling naked person—who goes by Charles Xavier when he's not speaking an ancient dead language—brings tidings of the apparent potential end of the world, and begs Erik to help him put a stop to it.

Well. His mother has been nagging at him to go out and meet new people.

The Theory of Partnership Dynamics – Pangea

Summary: “Detective Lehnsherr, how wonderful to see you out on the job!” The fed in the front greets him as they draw nearer. He’s shorter than the other two by a full head, and he’s beaming at Lehnsherr as if completely undeterred by Lehnsherr’s paint-peeling scowl.

“What do the feds want?” Lehnsherr asks bluntly.

“You know I can’t tell you that,” the fed answers cheerfully. Then his gaze lands on Alex, and, impossibly, his grin gets even brighter. “Did you get a new partner?"

“No,” Lehnsherr says through his teeth while at the same time Alex says, “Yes.”

[allyouneedisbuck]

Tee’s Summer Reads 🖤

hi all! as summer comes to a close and classes start back up again, i wanted to come on here and share some pieces i read over break that i just loved.

as always, heed to any and all warnings each creator has put in place. eighteen plus spaces deserve respect and you are urged to show them it.

— ➶ —

Bucky Barnes

i wished one the moon for you by @sunmoonandbucky • “After losing Bucky, you were devastated. So when Howard Stark asks for volunteers for an experiment, you're the first in line.” -> 40s buck & present bucky? love that lasts through time? love it

the shot heard round the tower & unwarranted weakness by @pellucid-constellations • “you just want to know if bucky has feelings for you. bucky just wants you to be okay.” -> these two pieces can be read separately, but i highly suggest reading them both because bucky is written so well and they made me feel warm all over. 

see the world the way you do by @vanderlustwords • “you start to see color when you meet your soulmate. bucky thinks that soulmates are a one of a kind thing.” -> there are So many lines in this that just... sit with you. i felt so much reading this. that tight feeling in your chest, pure happiness, anger... i just absolutely loved this. 

a little old fashioned by @gogolucky13 • “bucky is a bit subtle in telling you he likes you.”-> behold...sweet, shy comfort fic bucky. i go back and read this when i’m sad. 

he’s a good friend by @markandlexies • “reader is tired of watching bucky go on dates with leah and flirt with sarah.” -> give me all the oblivious, pining friends to lovers. just incredible writing and a truly lovely piece. 

tap by @houseravenclaws •  “bucky never talked much, he fell in love anyway.” -> you KNOW i already love sarah’s writing, it was on my last list. HERE’S MORE! this fic tore me apart in the best way and i still think about it all the time. it has become a go to. 

all the good things by @/houseravenclaws • “bucky’s been a little more than happy recently. sam thinks it has something to do with the pretty girl on the team.” -> need i say more? i needn’t say more. 

i love you, you idiot by @chrisevansjellybeans • “we’re best friends but won’t say we’re in love trope.” -> this fic made my heart sore. i love when writers have the ability to show love through the smallest of details and this fic did that so well. 

the things you’ve done by @divine-mistake • “what if the world ended tomorrow and all he did was spend his last day with you thinking about how you never hold his metal hand and you never walk on his left side and you constantly reach for his right arm?” -> OHHHHHHHHH MAN oh man this fic left me in shambles. absolute shambles and gave me a big, bright smile. insecure!bucky just does something to me. bucky is written perfectly in this. 

cornerstone by @agentofbarnes • this is a piece of zee’s (incredible) barnes’ au where bucky and reader (babydoll) are married with kids. -> i love the entire barnes’ au, but this piece honestly meant so much to me??? seeing bucky as an incredibly loving and open father just makes me so happy. 

leather jacket full of cats by @bucksfucks • “bucky brings home kittens.” -> nora doesn’t write fluff, but when she does it comes out absolutely incredible???? bucky and kittens?? PLEASE this made so happy (hi keep an eye out for more of nora’s work in the nsfw section) 

bulova by @babycap • “in the five years between the two snaps that changed it all, life had moved on, as life is want to do. In the aftermath of that final battle, you discover that time waited for no one (least of all you), and those you loved marched forward into it without you. Sam suggests you volunteer at the local retirement community to keep you busy, keep your mind from lingering on what—and who—you lost. In giving back, you find that time can be just as generous as it is cruel.” -> this is a babycap (dev my love) fan account. i have never read such beautiful words & i am always so stunned by the amazing works that dev puts out. i get so excited to read them. 

sunset by @belladonnabarnes • “bucky meets a pretty girl and her little sister at the zoo.” -> how did you know it was my dream to meet bucky at the zoo jaye?????? ahhhhh i loved this fic so much, it was so incredibly sweet i had the dopiest smile on my face when reading it. 

crawl home to her by @wkemeup • “stranded without coms, alone, and bleeding out in the middle of a russian snow storm, bucky is content to let nature take its course. only you won’t seem to let him go.” -> this fic is a masterpiece. a genuine piece of art. i was on the edge of my seat reading it, hoping i could faster than possible just to find out if bucky made it.

suburbia by @/wkemeup • “posing as husband and wife, you and bucky infiltrate a quaint suburban neighborhood in search of a hydra hacker. perhaps if you weren’t so in love with him and he hadn’t broken your heart, the act of pretending wouldn’t hurt so much.” -> yeah this one HURT. in the best way, an absolute favorite. so so so good.

that was premonition, i think by @divine-mistake • “sometimes you wish you had never fallen in love with bucky. screw that ‘it’s better to have loved and lost’ bullshit. you wish you had never fallen in love with bucky barnes.” -> just so so good. i was speechless after reading.

Others

Sam Wilson

the summertime and butterflies all belong to your creation by @golden-bucky • “you’ve never been one for baseball, but sam wilson is enough to change your mind.” -> ok. listen. i HAVE always loved baseball and this fic made me dream of mr. sam wilson in a lil uniform and me cheering him on. it was so sweet and i just loved it. a dream come true.

scary love by @bvckysmoon • “the first ‘i love yous’ are always scary.” -> being in love with sam wilson? yes please! this fic is so tooth achingly sweet, i adore it.

that way by @belouva • “you don’t know what label to fall under anymore. were you his roommate, friend or his lover?” -> i love roommate! sam… the first two parts of this series are so good.

Steve Rogers

you don’t know by @/divine-mistake • “until her gaze falls on you and her lovesick puppy dog eyes morph into saucers, leaving her frozen in pure shock. that visage quickly melts away to reveal a smug smile, aimed right at you, and you know exactly what she’s thinking at this moment.” -> steve & plus-size reader! i actually teared up, this fic hit really close to home and is beautifully written.

Spencer Reid

the one where everyone finds out by @reidscanehand • “Spencer Reid is in love with Y/N, and she’s in love with him...only they don’t know it yet...and they might be are definitely going to be the very last to know. And since Spencer and Y/N happen to be surrounded by the best profilers in the country, the rest of the team is, of course, the first to piece together the romance. Little by little, bit by bit, the team solves the case of Spencer and Y/N.” -> i constantly go back and reread this fic… it means so much to me!

work wife by @differentkettleoffishalltogether • “Spencer can’t help but feel a little jealous when it seems like his best friend is interested in someone else.” -> best friend spencer & love confessions? yeah that’s what i like.

Aaron Hotchner

dream a little dream by @ssahotchswife • “Following an injury, the reader dreams about time spent with Aaron Hotchner and his son. She relives heartbreak about Aaron's relationship with Beth and the love she has for Jack. Aaron must come to terms with his feelings for the reader when she wakes.” -> aaron hotchner is my comfort man and this fic makes my chest ache

NSFW

just friends by @/bucksfucks • “you and chris are just friends, right?” -> chris evans please i’m free on saturday

forbidden fruit by @/bucksfucks • “you attempt to set your ex’s things on fire. bucky has a better idea.” -> dadsbestfriend!bucky has my heart and it’s literally because of nora’s writing

appointments by @buckycuddlebuddy • “bucky barnes, finally being able to live freely in 21st century, accidentally gets a fuck buddy and starts to rediscover himself. the only weird thing about this situation is that you have to make an appointment to get railed by him.” -> ooooooooof i love this lil series so much

— ➶ —

these are all of my summer reads!!! i’ll definitely post another one after fall semester, this will most likely be a seasonal thing.

[jamaisjoons]

love alive ⤑ jjk | m.

⟶ 𝑠𝑢𝑚𝑚𝑎𝑟𝑦:〝 a year after you and jungkook break up, the two of you meet at your brother’s party. 〞post break up au. exes to lovers au.

❥ 𝑝𝑎𝑖𝑟𝑖𝑛𝑔: jungkook x reader

❥ 𝑔𝑒𝑛𝑟𝑒: angst ⋆ fluff ⋆ smut

❥ 𝑤𝑜𝑟𝑑 𝑐𝑜𝑢𝑛𝑡: 17k

⟶ 𝑤𝑎𝑟𝑛𝑖𝑛𝑔𝑠: mentions of alcohol, swearing, so much angst, pining? i guess, they’re both broken up but still love each other so there’s that lmao, reader emotionally cheats a fair amount, dom!jungkook, big cock!jungkook, sub!reader, pussy eating, hair pulling, fingering, dirty talk, this was supposed to be soft sex but idk what happened, okay it’s kinda soft but also feral, tender feral sex, aka the seraphjoon vibe, unprotected sex, riding, creampie, multiple orgasms

➵ 𝑎/𝑛: YEEEHAW LOOK I DID SOMETHING !! i had sudden inspo for this fic and while it HURTS it doesn’t hurt too bad i dont think. anyway, i hope you enjoy it but its like 3am so i’m going to bed now hawyeet

⇥ part of the mixtape series

⏤ edited by my wonderful beta @shadowsremedy​

One late Friday evening, Jungkook finds himself in his apartment. He’s currently sat on the sofa, simply staring off into space as he waits for his date to return. Jungkook doesn’t really remember much about her, they’d just been to dinner and try as he might, he just hadn’t been able to focus on the conversation. One reason being none other than it had been a completely stilted conversation - first dates were always awkward - but paired with the fact he barely knows her, and that he’d been on about seventeen different first dates in the last three months, he’d found himself unable to really keep the conversation going.

Of course, the second - and more major - reason, would be that she’s not you.

But Jungkook would rather not think about that right now.

“Do you have any wine?” Jungkook’s date calls out. Breaking out of his daze, Jungkook’s eyes come back into focus as he trains his attention back onto her. Eyebrows slightly furrowed, he scrambles for her name. Jiha? Jihyo? Jihye! That’s it. Jihye looks at him expectantly, waiting for his answer.

“Uh, maybe. I don’t know,” comes Jungkook’s distracted answer, “there may be some in the bottom cupboard on the left-hand side,” he continues nonchalantly - not really thinking about it. He thinks he remembers seeing an open bottle there, but again, he doesn’t drink wine all that often so he doesn’t really care. He watches Jihye rummage around in his kitchen, her short black dress riding further up the backs of her thighs - and Jungkook knows he should feel some sort of attraction towards her - she’s incredibly beautiful - not to mention her body’s practically perfect - and yet, he feels… nothing.

Why is he on a date with her again? Oh yes, because she frequented the same gym as he did and had asked him out randomly earlier in the week. Jungkook lets out a little sigh, his head falls back onto the back of the sofa. Staring up at the ceiling, his mind casts back to all the dates he’s had recently. Most of them approach him and he doesn’t really know why he keeps saying yes - but he has an inkling it’s to do with the fact that he’s still not over you. Though, that doesn’t really matter.

You’re long gone, and the last Jungkook had heard about you, was that you’d met someone else - someone willing to give you more than he could - someone willing to give you what you want. His heart constraints at the thought of you, but he shakes the thoughts out of his head. He needs to move on - it’s been long enough. Almost a year. Well, it’s been exactly seven months, twenty-three days and nine hours since you walked out on him, but who’s keeping count? Certainly not him.

“Oh! I found some. It’s already open - do you mind if I have some?” Jihye asks, and reflexively, Jungkook finds himself rolling his eyes. If he hadn’t wanted her to have some, he wouldn’t have told her where the wine was. Biting his tongue, however, Jungkook just lets out a non-committal hum. Once done pouring herself a glass of wine, Jihye returns to him while taking a sip of her wine. Suddenly, she stops, her face twisting in disgusting as she spits her wine back into her glass. Own features twisting in disgust, Jungkook regards her through guarded eyes, wondering what was going on.

“Gross! Why does this wine have pieces of cork in it? Also, I think it’s gone off - it tastes weird,” Jihye gripes as she takes her glass back into his kitchen. Barely paying attention to her words, Jungkook stares in unsettlement at the bottle. The dark green glass glints under the warm kitchen lights, his heart lurching as he recognises the bottle.

With unfocused eyes, he stares at the bottle, unmoving as his mind buzzes with what feels like static. Hazily, he registers that Jihye is speaking, but through the thick fog of his memories, Jungkook’s mind barely notices what she’s saying. Nonetheless, the exact moment Jihye begins tilting the bottle over the sink, attempting to flush its contents, Jungkook jumps to his feet.

“No! Don’t throw it out,” Jungkook’s voice thunders, his long legs carrying him into the kitchen swiftly. Jihye startles, looking at him in dumbfounded incredulity.

“What? Why? It’s got pieces of cork in it, and it tastes funny,” Jihye replies, turning back and beginning to pour the wine again. Abruptly, Jungkook snatches the bottle out of her hand, causing Jihye to jump.

“It’s not off, it just tastes like that. It’s bad wine,” Jungkook mutters as he puts the stopper back in the neck of the bottle.

“All the more reason to throw it out?” Jihye suggests, Jungkook’s jaw flexing at her words.

“I’m not throwing it out,” Jungkook replies, his voice hardened. Jihye cocks an eyebrow at him.

“Come on Jungkook, I think you should throw it out,” Jihye says coyly, a smile crawling onto her face. Imperceptibly, Jungkook’s eyes narrow. The flirtatiousness in her demeanour isn’t lost on him, nor is the fact that she likely thinks he’s joking. But Jungkook isn’t joking. He’s not throwing the wine out - whether it has pieces of cork in it, whether it tastes bad, or even if it had been off, he’s not throwing it out.

“No,” Jungkook says, his voice full of resolve. Jihye startles as she realises he’s not being playful. She raises her eyebrow once again, cocking her hip to the side.

“What’s so special about it? It’s just a bottle of wine,” Jihye points out. Of course, to anyone, it would be just a bottle of wine - but to him, it’s so much more.

It’s the last thing he has left of you.

When you’d broken up with him, ending your five-year relationship, you’d moved everything out of his apartment. The stupid cushions Jungkook hated - really, they only took up more space on the sofa, meaning he couldn’t lounge about properly - your hundred and one towels, even the sheets: the ones that had smelled like you. They’re all gone, along with all your clothes and belongings, leaving a half-empty apartment, and a hole in Jungkook’s heart. Every and any trace of you had slowly been removed from his flat and consequently his life. And now, he’s left with just this bottle of wine. - the one you’d forgotten about because it’d been hidden at the back of the cupboard.

“Jungkook? Are you listening to me? What’s so great about this bottle?” Jihye asks. Once again, however, Jungkook’s mind wanders to you. Unable to pull away from the bottle, Jihye fades from the world, her voice becoming distant and hazy as he recedes back into his memories.

Flashback - three years ago

A knock resounding at Jungkook’s door, he takes a deep breath. Looking at himself in the mirror one last time, he brushes the non-existent lint off his blazer. Then, running his fingers through his hair, he nods at himself and leaves his bedroom. Approaching the door, he swings it open, a large smile painted on his face as he spots you.

“Hello, beautiful,” Jungkook greets the moment he spots you. However, the moment he actually sees you, he finds himself stopping. Dressed in a flowing sundress, a dazzling smile on your face and bright, twinkling eyes - you look positively radiant. A loud whoosh of air escapes his nose, his eyes softening at you, “you look gorgeous,” he breathlessly says, his voice low.

Your smile brightening, you grin up at him, “Happy third anniversary!” you call out cheerily. Jungkook bites his lip, and unable to stop himself, swoops down and presses a kiss to your lips.

“Happy anniversary,” he mutters back, his lips brushing yours with every movement. Pulling your lower lip between your teeth, you chew on it while giving him a smile. Even three years into your relationship, Jungkook still managed to set butterflies aflutter in the pits of your stomach with the slightest touch.

Swiftly, you step into his apartment, easily navigating your way towards his kitchen as you place the bags of food and wine onto his counter. “Are you sure you don’t want to go out?” you ask curiously, peering at your boyfriend through the corner of your eyes.

However, Jungkook only steps up to you, wrapping his arms around your waist, “Nope!” he happily replies, popping the ‘p’ sound, “you said you’d rather just have a quiet night in. Besides, we went out for the cruise-ship dinner thing last year,” Jungkook continues, humming in thought at the memory. A smile curls on your own lips and you twist in his arms, winding your own around his waist as you place your head on his chest.

“Mmm, that was a good anniversary. But if I remember correctly, someone ended up being seasick from drinking too much,” you say pointedly, tilting your head to look up at him, your chin resting on his sternum. Despite his cheeks flushing a rosy shade, Jungkook scowls.

“It’s not my fault… the alcohol was stronger than I thought it was,” he mumbles under his breath. You shake your head in fondness, but then, your lips curl into a slight frown. Every anniversary, Jungkook had taken you somewhere - your first, he’d taken you on a ski trip, your second, he’d taken you on a weekend break to Jeju island, and of course, your third had been a cruise-ship dinner. This year, however, you’d been recently promoted to the department head of your company, but that had meant additional stress and weight to an already heavy workload. As a result, you’d asked Jungkook if he was okay with just a quiet night in - because there was nothing you wanted more than to just spend some time with your loving boyfriend.

“Are you sure this is okay? If you want to go out or something, we still can,” you ask. However, Jungkook only shakes his head once again while pulling you closer into him.

“Sweetheart, it’s okay. Honestly. I just want to spend some time with you. Whether that’s here in my apartment, or in yours, or on an expensive date, or even in a garbage dump, it doesn’t matter. I just want to be with you,” Jungkook grins before smacking a sloppy kiss on your forehead. Face twisting in disgust, your earlier doubt about Jungkook being happy with your choice of date fades away, and you playfully smack him before pushing him away.

“Ew gross! You just slobbered all over me,” you gripe, rubbing the wet spot on your forehead.

Waggling his eyebrows, “and there’s more where that came from,” Jungkook playfully teases. A light snort escapes your lips as you shake your head before turning around.

“Yeah, whatever. I bought wine and steak for dinner. It’s not much but I don’t know, I felt like being classy,” you casually shrug while turning to the bag of groceries Jungkook hadn’t noticed. Head cocked to the side, he grimaces at the bottle of wine. Suddenly, you stop, your lips curling in a frown, “Although… in hindsight, I should have bought more food - knowing your bottomless stomach,” you sigh, looking at him from the corner of your eye.

“Yeah, you probably should have,” Jungkook deadpans. Lips twisting into a pout, your shoulders deflate at his words. Jungkook sees your disappointment, his heart dropping in his chest at the thought of upsetting you. He’d meant it as a joke - really, he had - but you’d clearly taken it seriously. Stepping up to you, Jungkook wraps his arms around your waist once again, his chin resting on your shoulder and hands clasps around your belly.

“I was only joking, sweetheart,” Jungkook says lowly, his face nuzzling into your hair while he presses a kiss to the outer shell of your ear. “Wine and steak sound good. Very classy,” he continues, pressing another kiss to your flesh - this time the column of your throat.

Instantly, your lips curl into a victorious smirk, “Okay, great!” you say, your shoulders immediately perking up. Jungkook blinks at your sudden change in demeanour, his nose scrunching when he realises what’s just happened.

“Hey! Did you do that on purpose?” he asks, his eyes narrowing into slits, his gaze full of accusation. Face twisting into a picture of innocence, you smile at him coyly - and if he didn’t know you as well as he did, he’d buy it - but Jungkook sees the sparkle of mischief in your eyes.

Before he can open his mouth, however, you’re already cutting him off, “Where’s your corkscrew?” you ask, rummaging through his drawers. Jungkook watches you search through the utensils, your lips curling downwards in concentration.

His own lips twisting, Jungkook approaches you, helping you look for the corkscrew. However, after a few moments, “Oh. I don’t think I have one,” Jungkook finally says. Eyebrows furrowing slightly, Jungkook wonders if he ever even bought one, but he doesn’t think he has.

“Kook! How are we supposed to drink this now?” you whine, a pout forming on your face again. Shrugging, Jungkook whips out his phone.

“I’m sure we can like, find another way,” Jungkook replies, already googling a way to open the wine bottle. Curiously, you peer over his shoulder, Jungkook’s arm instinctively wrapping around you as he scrolls with one hand. Head tilting upwards, you smile at your boyfriend, his features slightly scrunched in concentration. Unable to help yourself, you lean up and press a kiss to the bottom of his jaw. The moment your lips brush his skin, the corners of Jungkook’s lips twitch before he twists his head and presses a kiss to the temple of your head.

Arms wrapping around his waist, you lean your head on his bicep, “find anything yet?” you ask, Jungkook humming in response.

“We could use a blowtorch,” he replies casually.

“Do you have a blowtorch?”

“Fair enough. We could smack it against the wall using something to cushion it.”

“And risk breaking the bottle? No thanks.” Like that, Jungkook continues reading out suggestions: from pumping it out using a bicycle tire pump, all the way to slapping it out with a shoe, only for you to refute them. Eventually, however, with no other option, you and Jungkook eventually try using a screwdriver. Which brings you to now, almost fifteen minutes later.

“Oh my god, I think I’ve got it,” Jungkook yells in triumph. You’re currently sat on the kitchen island, your legs dangling as you watch your boyfriend struggle with the bottle. About five minutes after attempting to open the bottle, you’d conceded defeat. Your boyfriend, however, is much more competitive than you are, and he’d downright refused to let the bottle win. Thus, for the last ten minutes, you’d watched your boyfriend futilely dig, and twist, the screwdriver into the cork.

Quirking your eyebrow at your boyfriend, your eyes rove over him. He’s currently stood with a victorious grin, the apples of his cheeks bunched up around his eyes. He’s holding out the wine bottle, the metal head of the screwdriver stuck into the neck of the bottle. Hell, the cork isn’t even in one piece anymore - bits and pieces of it littered on the floor around him from where Jungkook had dug it out in an attempt to bury the screwdriver into the wood stopper.

“Have you now?” you drawl sarcastically. It certainly doesn’t look like he’s got it. For one, the cork is still in the bottle.

Sneering at your snide tone, “Watch this!” Jungkook calls out, and then, grabbing the handle of the tool, he pulls as hard as he can. A loud pop resounds through the air and you startle slightly, watching as Jungkook holds the screwdriver - with half the cork attached to it - in the air.

“Oh my god! You did it!” you call in surprise, jumping off the table and walking towards him.

Puffing out his chest, “and you didn’t believe in me! But I did it anyway,” Jungkook says proudly.

You roll your eyes before gesturing to the half-broken cork, “yeah barely.”

“Tomato, tomato. Potato, potato. The point is, I did it, and we can have wine now” Jungkook replies. With another roll of your eyes, you cross his kitchen and pull two wine glasses out of his cupboard.

“Yeah, yeah. My knight in shining suit. Now come on! I’ve literally been waiting twenty-five minutes to drink this,” you say, holding out the glasses towards him. Nodding, Jungkook pours the wine, filling the tumblers halfway before placing the bottle back on the island.

He takes the glasses from your hand, placing them on the dining table and you follow him, placing the plates of food onto the table. The two of you take seats opposite each other, Jungkook raising his glass towards you in a salute. For a few moments, the two of you tuck into your food, the muffled sounds of your joint chewing filling the air.

Then, “this steak is cold,” you grumble, a grimace settling on your face. In hindsight, after spending all that time trying to open the wine, the two of you should have heated your food - but in the triumph of actually opening the wine, you’d both forgotten.

“Yeah, and this wine is fucking gross,” Jungkook gripes, his own features twisting in disgust. Blinking owlishly, you reach for your own glass, sipping the burgundy liquid. The minute it washes over your tastebuds, you find yourself gagging. It’s sour - the acrid stench of it only burning your nasal cavity and intensifying the bitterness of the wine.

Forcibly, you swallow it down before spitting and sputtering into your hand, “yeah, and it’s got pieces of cork in it. Gross, what a waste of a hundred and fifty thousand won,” you scowl. Immediately, Jungkook baulks.

“A hundred and fifty thousand won? For that trash?” Jungkook yells in incredulity. You look at him in surprise, the two of you simply staring at each other. Then, all of a sudden, the two of you burst out laughing. Neither of you has any real reason for why you’re both laughing. Perhaps it was the ridiculous price of the incredibly poortasting wine, perhaps it was that Jungkook had spent a good fifteen minutes struggling with said wine or perhaps it was because even after all that struggle, neither of you could stomach the taste. Either way, the absurdity of the situation isn’t lost on either of you, and you both can’t help but laugh hysterically.

“Man, I can’t believe you spent that much money on that shit,” Jungkook giggles, wiping away at his tears.

Lower lip pulled between your teeth, you grin at Jungkook, “I can’t believe you spent so much time trying to open it,” you quip. Shaking your heads, you both resume eating your food, forgoing the wine.

Once the two of you are done, you help Jungkook clear the table. Jungkook watches you throw out the leftovers before placing the plates into the sink. The kitchen lights are dimmed low, the amber light reflecting off of your skin and silhouetting you in its glow. The bright walls off his kitchen only help to highlight your body, the hem of your dress swishing around your thighs with every movement. His darkened, lust-filled gaze rakes over you and he can’t help but swallow thickly when his eyes rest on the smooth curve of your ass.

Helpless against his desire for you, you feel Jungkook’s arms wrap around your body. Loosely, his hands rest on your hips, the pads of his fingertips gently digging into your flesh. “Do you wanna head to bed?” Jungkook asks, his voice breathy as he begins peppering kisses along the column of your neck. You raise your eyebrow at his sudden change in demeanour. Nevertheless, you’d be lying if you said his light, attentive touch wasn’t clouding your head in hazy lust.

“All of a sudden?” you ask, your tone light and teasing. Jungkook responds by digging his fingers harder into your hips, pulling them back so your ass is flush against his crotch.

“If I’m being honest, I’ve wanted to get you out of this dress as soon as I saw you in it. You look beautiful. I love you so much,” Jungkook rasps in response, lightly nipping at the sensitive flesh just below your earlobe. Twisting in his hold, you wind your hands around his neck, carding your fingers through his hair at the back of his nape before lightly playing with the locks.

“I love you too,” you breathe out, “take me to bed and I’ll show you how much,” you breathlessly whisper back. A shuddering exhale escaping his lips, Jungkook’s mouth descends onto yours. Instantly, the two of you lose yourselves into each other; the wine bottle long forgotten.

“Jungkook? Are you even paying attention to me?” Jihye suddenly calls out, her hands waving in front of his face. Blinking blankly, Jungkook’s vision comes back into focus. He looks around his apartment - it’s still the same as it was two years ago. The kitchen lights are still low, and his walls are bright, and that same bottle of wine sits on his marble counter - practically mocking him - but you’re not here. It’s not you standing in his kitchen.

“I- you need to leave,” Jungkook chokes out, his voice hoarse and his throat thick with emotion. Jihye looks at him in dumbfounded bewilderment. She opens her mouth to argue, but then stops, her words dying on her lips. Taking in Jungkook’s distant gaze, Jihye notices his attention is once again on the bottle. With a scoff, she rolls her eyes before snorting. Then, grabbing her purse, she stalks out of his apartment - but not before slamming the door.

Jungkook doesn’t care.

Instead, he stares at the dark bottle of wine. His reflection glints back at him, his distorted face mirroring the despair and sadness etched onto his face. Once again, he loses himself into his memories. Memories of when the two of you were still together, memories of you smiling at him, of you kissing him, memories of the two of you, when you were both happy - and together. But not anymore. Now, those memories that he’d once cherished - once taken for granted - are tainted: bruised and tarnished with the restless memories of you leaving; of you walking out of this very same apartment and leaving him all alone.

The warm memories that had once been his saving grace, now leave him cold, with a deep ache in his chest.

With one final glance at the bottle, Jungkook buries his head in his hands, and then lets out a heartwrenching sob.

In the comfort of your own home, you lie in your bed, staring up into nothingness. The bedroom is completely bathed in darkness, not even a single sliver of moonlight peeking in through the blackout-blinds you had installed. After your third anniversary with Jungkook, you’d moved in with him, and your ex-boyfriend had hated any and every inkling of light while he was trying to sleep. He simply couldn’t sleep unless he was in complete darkness. Of course, after two years of living with him, you’d also gotten used to it - and now, you aren’t able to sleep without complete darkness either.

Yet, you still aren’t able to sleep. There are many reasons for your lack of sleep. Many of them are to do with your ex-boyfriend. It’s been just over half a year since you and Jungkook broke up. Almost eight months now since you walked out of his life. Eight months since you reluctantly broke off your five-year relationships. But you had no choice. You and Jungkook had wanted different things in life and though heartbreaking, you knew it was best for the two of you to go your separate ways then and there.

Of course, knowing that didn’t make it any easier. Nor does it help qualm the crushing bitterness, nor the misery, you feel at Jungkook’s absence in your life.

Though, you figure, those feelings are a given. After all, the two of you had been together for five whole years. Five years is a long time to spend with someone - and for the entirety of those years, Jungkook had been your one and only - the man you had loved with your entire heart. The man you still love with all your heart. It’s not like you could just forget five years of love in a day - nor in eight months. Hell, you don’t think you could forget him, nor the love you feel for him, in your entire lifetime.

Thus, in the absolute dark of your bedroom, you stare up at the ceiling. Though, you don’t really see it. No, all you see is darkness. A low sigh escapes your lips and you shift on your bed, trying to find a comfortable position. But try as you might, you simply can’t find one. And it has every reason to do with the man occupying your bed - if you remove your residual feelings for Jungkook out of the picture. Tilting your head slightly, you turn to your side. Even in the darkness, you can make out the obscure outline of your current boyfriend’s - though you use that term loosely, because really, he’s a family friend you’ve known a while and your mother had set you up with - face as he snores lightly. With another sigh, you turn your head back to stare at the ceiling.

Other than thoughts of Jungkook, one of the main reasons you can’t sleep is: you’re on the wrong side of the bed. For as long as you’d been with Jungkook, even before you lived together, Jungkook had always slept on the left, and you’d slept on the right. It wasn’t like you’d purposely decided on that, it’s just how it had worked out. Jungkook always slept on the left, and you on the right - before the two of you had even met. And after you’d met? Well, it had just clicked - as if the two of you were made for each other.

But now, you’re on the left.

And Minhyuk is on the right.

And it’s not right. Nor does it feel right. In more than one sense of the word.

Shifting once again, you lowly groan when a sting of pain shoots through your lower abdomen, bringing you to another reason you can’t sleep. You’re on your period, and with your period, comes the cursed cramps. No matter how much you try, you simply can’t seem to find a comfortable position to lie in. That, paired with the fact that you’re on the wrong side of the bed, and the plaguing thoughts of Jungkook, has insomnia gripping at your head. Momentarily, you’d considered getting up and heating up a hot water bottle to soothe your pain, but you simply can’t find it in yourself to get out of bed - not when moving only seemed to fuel the fire in the pits of your uterus.

Once again, you turn to Minhyuk. Briefly, you consider waking him up and asking him to bring you the hot water bottle, and you even open your mouth to call him. But then, you pause, the words dying on your lips as your throat constricts. This scene is almost too familiar to you, and in the dark of your bedroom, you can’t stop your mind from wandering to the past.

Flashback - two years ago

Shifting uncomfortably, you’re woken from your sleep by the searing pain in your lower abdomen. Through the haze of your sleep, you let out quiet whimpers and continue shuffling in bed, trying to find a comfortable position to fall back asleep in. However, try as you might, you simply can’t seem to find one. This time, when you shift again, you feel Jungkook’s arm lazily wrap around you.

“Are you okay, sweetheart?” Jungkook asks while shuffling closer towards him. His words cause you to still, your shoulders relaxing as you feel his warm presence surround you. Your boyfriend moves his head to just over your shoulder, his hand sluggishly rubbing circles over your stomach. He nudges your t-shirt to the side - really, it’s his - and presses a tender kiss to the skin of your shoulder that he’s just exposed. Before you can even say anything, or alert him to exactly what is wrong, “do you have bad cramps again?” he sighs out. Despite your pain, you find your face softening, a soft smile curling on your lips at the sleepy tone of his voice.

“Yeah. Sorry, I didn’t wanna wake you up,” you reply lowly. Jungkook only shakes his head, his long hair tickling the flesh of your collarbone.

“Tis okay,” Jungkook slurs sleepily. Then, before you can tell him to go back to sleep, Jungkook is already crawling out of bed. You hear a loud thud, followed by a pained groan, “I’m okay. I just- didn’t see the end of the bed,” Jungkook mumbles through the haziness of his sleep. Instantly, his words cause concern to well up in your chest, however, before you can ask him if he’s okay, he’s leaving your bedroom.

Left alone, you flick the lamp on your bedside table on and sit up in bed with a wince. You take in short, deep breath, trying your best to soothe the vengeful cramps in the pit of your stomach. If you didn’t know better, you’d almost think your uterus was tying itself into knots. Another sharp sting and you let out a low whimper, doubling over in pain as you clutch your stomach.

Moments later, you feel a hand soothingly rub your lower back as your boyfriend - now more awake - crouches down beside your side of the bed. Large, doe eyes stare at you in concern as he passes you your hot water bottle. “Here you go, baby,” Jungkook says softly, placing the fuzzy bottle on your lower stomach. The warm heat instantly soothes your cramps, a sigh of relief escaping your lips as you feel the pain begin to subside.

“Thank you,” you rasp out, but Jungkook only shakes his head. Then, he thrusts his hand and a glass in front of your face.

When you quirk your eyebrow at him, “painkillers,” Jungkook merely responds. Your face crumples, your heart speeding up in your chest. Gratefully, you accept the pills from him, popping them in your mouth before chugging down the glass of water. When you’re done, Jungkook takes the glass from your hand and places it back onto your bedside table. Once done, he helps you shift back down into a laying position as he tucks you into bed. Then, he crawls under the sheets himself.

You feel the left side of the bed shift before Jungkook slides in. Rolling closer to you, he presses his chest against your back while throwing an arm to rest loosely over your waist. Lazily, he rubs his hand over your hips, soothingly massaging the skin while pressing tender kisses to the back of your shoulder. “Are you feeling better?” Jungkook mumbles. His voice is low, heavy with sleep, and you can’t help but shudder as it reverberates through your eardrum.

“Mmm. Much better. Thank you,” you whisper back, more than grateful at his thoughtful gestures. If there was one thing you absolutely adored about Jungkook, it would be his utter thoughtfulness. More often than not, you just wouldn’t need to tell him what was wrong; after almost four years together, he could simply read you like a book. He knew what you wanted and when you wanted it. He knew when to leave you alone, or when to help you. He could read your moods as if he was well versed in all things that surrounded you. More than anything, however, Jungkook was simply empathetic towards you - and it made you fall for him all the more.

“I love you,” you whisper, the words easily falling from your lips. You feel Jungkook’s lips curl against your shoulder, an indolent smile playing at his lips.

Without even a moment of hesitation, “I love you too,” he mumbles back. Then, the two of you fall back into silence: with you clutching the hot water bottle to your uterus, and Jungkook genially rubbing circles into the flesh of your hips.

Another sharp pain ricochets through your uterus, pulling you out of your reverie. A low whimper escapes your throat and you shift in bed again. However, unlike Jungkook, Minhyuk stays fast asleep. Once again, you contemplate waking him up and you don’t want to, but the pain is almost too much. Before you can stop yourself, “Minhyuk?” you whimper out while gently shaking him.

Minhyuk lets out a groggy groan before, “what’s wrong, ____?” he asks, his voice heavily laden with sleep.

“C-can you go into the kitchen and get me my hot water bottle, please? I’ve got really bad cramps,” you whisper hoarsely. Minhyuk only groans in response.

“____… I’ve got to wake up for work in three hours. Can you not get it yourself?” Minhyuk asks sleepily. There’s no malice in his tone, nor upset or anger, just drowsy question - and you know he doesn’t mean anything by it - but still, you can’t help the way your stomach drops at his words. Biting your lip, you suck in a sharp breath, the movement making you whimper in pain again. Clearly, Minhyuk hears the sound escape your lips, because he’s sliding out of bed - albeit begrudgingly - and leaving your bedroom.

Five minutes later, he walks back and passes you the hot water bottle. With a small voice, you thank him, Minhyuk grunting in response. The right side of the mattress tilts and you feel Minhyuk slide back into bed. “Goodnight,” Minhyuk mumbles, though you can tell he’s already falling asleep again. Briefly, he pecks your cheek before turning his back towards you. Short moments later, his light snores fill the quiet air of the night, leaving you alone once again.

Chewing your lip, you place the hot water bottle onto your stomach, allowing the warm, soothing sensation to assuage the pain of your cramps. Your mind casts back to Jungkook, and the way he took care of you on nights like this, and then you turn to Minhyuk once again. You can still feel his lips on your cheek - from where he’d kissed you - but it’s not the same. Minhyuk is nice, and though reluctantly, he still got out of bed to get you your water bottle.

But it’s not the same.

It’s not the same when he kisses you on the cheek, or brings you your water bottle. It’s not the same when he buys you flowers, or takes you out to dinner. It’s not the same when he kisses you, or when you sleep together. It’s not the same, because while nice, all of his gestures are empty. There’s no love in them, no thoughtfulness, no passion. Minhyuk is nice - and he does things out of nicety - but he also does them out of obligation.

And it’s not the same.

Because there is no love in them.

Because he’s not Jungkook.

Because he won’t ever be.

A month and a half later, you find yourself nervously staring at the brass-gold number plates of your brother’s apartment. You haven’t seen Hoseok in a few months - well, nine months to be exact. Nine months on this day. Wow. It’s really been nine months since you broke up with Jungkook, huh? It definitely feels like it’s been longer. If anything, it feels like an eternity. Though, you suppose, it must, since you’d gone from spending almost every day with him to suddenly not seeing him. It had been hard, and multiple times, you’ve wondered if you should just go back - but you know you can’t. You’d broken up for reasons - serious reasons - reasons that had meant a lot to you.

All these months, you’ve tried avoiding him as best as you could. Anything and everything that was within your power, you had done: from avoiding all of your friends because they reminded you too much of him, to moving to a different part of the city just to avoid running into him by chance. It had been hard, and god had it hurt - stillhurts - but you knew you had to do it. But now, standing in front of your brother’s apartment, you know you can no longer run from him anymore. Today is Hoseok’s birthday - and you know he’d be heartbroken if you didn’t turn up.

But you also know Jungkook will be here - because there’s no way Hoseok hadn’t invited him.

Funnily enough, you’d met Jungkook because of Hoseok. The two of them had met at the swimming club in your university, and the two had gotten along well. At first, you’d been fearful of admitting to Hoseok that you were seeing Jungkook - but to your utter surprise, your older brother just hadn’t cared. He liked Jungkook and he trusted Jungkook to treat you right - and he had. For five years, Jungkook had been the best, sweetest, most perfect boyfriend anyone could have asked for. Until that day. That fateful day, nine months ago, when you’d walked out of his apartment - and consequently his life.

“____? You okay?” Minhyuk asks, waving his hand in front of your space. Pulled out of your thoughts, you stare at your boyfriend - though once again, you use the term loosely. Minhyuk stares at you in confusion before gesturing to the door. The very same door you’d been blankly staring at while reminiscing about your brother and boyfriend. Looking at Minhyuk, you can’t help the way your stomach tosses at the sight of him.

Momentarily, you wonder what Hoseok would say. Hoseok absolutely adored Jungkook - to the point where you’d find your brother cuddling with your boyfriend, or kissing his forehead. You shudder just thinking about it. That had been a funny day. One day, you’d decided to surprise your boyfriend by spontaneously turning up at his apartment. However, to your utter surprise, you’d turned up just to see your boyfriend and your brother snuggling while watching Netflix. Sure, it was a cute sight, and ordinarily, you would have been touched. If it weren’t for the fact that your brother was cuddling your boyfriend.

So yes, suffice to say the least, Hoseok absolutely loved Jungkook - and throughout your entire relationship, he’d completely rooted and supported the two of you. Even when you and Jungkook would fight, even when you’d drive each other crazy, Hoseok would speak to the both of you and calm you down and make you see reason. Reason being that you both loved each other. Which is why, dread settles in your stomach as you stare blankly at Minhyuk. Once again, you wonder what Hoseok would say. You know he knows that you’re seeing Minhyuk - your mother has to have told him.

But knowing and seeing are two different things and you have no idea how he’ll react to Minhyuk. You love your brother, you really, really do - but Hoseok has a bad habit of not being able to bite his tongue - and that paired with the fact that he absolutely loved Jungkook - and still does - has trepidation settling deep within your stomach. It doesn’t help that it’s so soon after you and Jungkook broke up either. Nor does it help that Hoseok already knows Minhyuk - he is the son of your mother’s friend after all. But you’re twenty-seven now and you’re not getting any younger and you have to move on with your life. Whether that be with Jungkook or not. Though, you’d be lying if you said you weren’t completely distraught that it turned out to be without your sweet boyfriend. Or well, ex-boyfriend, you remind yourself.

Once again, Minhyuk looks at you expectantly. Drawing in every ounce of courage you can muster, you take in a deep breath and then knock on your brother’s door. You don’t know how long it takes Hoseok to answer. Realistically, you know it’s only mere moments - but that doesn’t stop it feeling like an excruciating eternity.

The moment Hoseok’s door swings open, you’re met with the sight of your brother. Smiling shyly at him, you awkwardly wave, “Hey Hobi,” you greet. However, Hoseok isn’t looking at you. No, he’s looking at the taller man stood next to you. Shuffling from foot to foot, your gaze flits back and forth from your brother to Minhyuk. Minhyuk for the most of it, looks a little lost and unsure of himself or what to say. Oppositely, your brother simply stares at Minhyuk, looking him up and down, his face a picture of passiveness and his usually warm gaze completely guarded.

“H-Hobi?” you choke out, clearing your throat as you try to get your brother’s attention. Hoseok blinks for a minute and then turns to you.

Momentarily, he regards you with his passive gaze before his lips quirk, and then suddenly, he’s beaming and pulling you into a hug. “____! I’ve missed you!” you brother practically screams, and despite the slight wince as he almost bursts your eardrums, you find yourself letting out a breath of air you hadn’t even known you’d been holding. The minute your brother envelops you in his arms, you feel yourself getting choked up - you’d missed his warmth. You’d desperately craved his affection when you’d broken up with Jungkook, but you had no idea what to say to him - or even how to approach him.

“Come on in. It’s a pretty quiet thing. There’s booze and snacks in the kitchen just help yourself to it, music’s mainly in the living room if you just wanna chill but if you need somewhere more quiet, the balcony or spare bedroom are available. ____ will tell you where to hang up your coats,” Hoseok says, smiling at Minhyuk. You bite your lip at Hoseok’s tone - it may not be obvious to others, but you know your brother like the back of your hand, and you can see the stiffness in his smile, and the chilled politeness in his tone. “Let’s catch up later on, yeah?” Hoseok says, turning back to you. Stiffly, you nod at him, already knowing he wants to talk about Jungkook.

Both you and Minhyuk enter Hoseok’s apartment and you can’t help the dismay that streaks through you. Hoseok wasn’t kidding when he said it’s a pretty quiet affair. About twenty people are milling about, the low thrumming bass of Hoseok’s music vibrating through the air. It’s loud enough to be heard throughout the apartment; not enough to cause the neighbours to complain, but more than enough to not really be able to have a decent conversation with someone.

Scattered about the crowd are a few people you recognise - Namjoon: Hoseok’s best friend from high school, and of course, Seokjin and Yoongi - his other best friends from college. Momentarily, you spot Jimin and you find yourself reeling at the familiar face. He’d been Hoseok’s friend from dance school when your brother was still in middle school. Your eyes continue scanning over the crowd before you find yourself stopping.

A rush of heat courses through your veins, the rushing of blood resounding through your eardrums when you spot Kim Taehyung - Hoseok and Jungkook’s other friend from swim team. But it’s not Taehyung that has you stopping. No, it’s who he’s speaking to.

Jungkook.

Knees buckling at the mere sight of him, your face crumples with the weight of your emotions. It’s only been nine months, and yet he looks so different from the last day you’d seen him. His hair is much longer now - so long that it falls into his eyes and you watch how he flicks the soft strands of hair out of his face. The motion of his hair practically mesmerises you and you can’t find it in yourself to look away from him. With his smooth caramel skin, soft features and gently sloping lips, he has your heart constricting between your ribcage.

Then you spot it. The black leather jacket. The same one you’d gotten him as a birthday gift four years ago. It’s still preserved beautifully, not a single piece out of place. The leather still shines like it’s brand new, and it still sits on his body as well as it did the first time you gifted it to him. Taehyung says something and Jungkook laughs in response, and the moment that he does, you let out an inaudible gasp. His head falls back, his features twisting into an expression of pure joy while his bunny-esque teeth are put on display. He looks happy - carefree - and you can’t help the sting of nostalgia that spikes through you. The music is loud, and you can barely hear anything. But somehow, his laugh resounds in your ear: ingrained in the memory of your eardrums as it plays like a record, over and over, while you watch him.

“You wanna get a drink?” Minhyuk asks. Instantly, your world comes crashing around you, and you turn to your current paramour. Blinking owlishly, you stare at him in confusion. He’s awfully close to you - a mere hair’s breadth away from you and instinctively, you find yourself backing away. Minhyuk looks at you oddly, and with a sheepish look, you nod to him. You’d gladly accept something to drink - you know you’ll need it if you wanted to survive the night.

An hour later, you find yourself standing over the Seoul city skyline. Leant up against the glass railing of Hoseok’s balcony, you simply stare at the sunset painted across Seoul. The large skyscraper buildings obscure most of it, the artificial bright lights dimming the dusky colours of twilight - but you don’t mind so much. Even obscured by the towering modern glass buildings, the dark shades of amaranth, copper and violet vividly paint the sky enough for you to take it all in.

“You okay out here?” comes a soft voice but you don’t need to turn around to see who it is. You could recognise your brother’s voice in a heartbeat.

Humming non-committally, “fine. I just... needed some space, I guess,” you mumble out with a sigh. If you’re being completely honest, you wanted space from Minhyuk. The minute he noticed your gaze on Jungkook, something in him changed - he’d become a tad overbearing, not to mention that he hasn’t left you alone all night. His sudden attachment wouldn’t have been a problem - if it weren’t the fact that you’d been maudlin about seeing Jungkook again. Thus, while he was busy entertaining a small crowd of Hoseok’s friends, you’d slipped out from under his nose and isolated yourself onto the balcony.

A loud chorus of laughs rolls across the quiet balcony and you let out another sigh. Hoseok leans against the railing next to you as he faces his apartment. “Minhyuk seems to be doing well,” comes Hoseok’s casual voice.

Another sigh, “please don’t,” you whisper. You already know where Hoseok’s going with this. Turning his back to his apartment, Hoseok joins you in basking under the quickly setting sun.

“What happened? You never told me, and Jungkook… well, Jungkook refuses to talk about it. To talk about you,” Hoseok sighs. Through your peripheral vision, you note the almost defeated look in Hoseok’s eyes. Heart clenching at his words, you grip your beer can tighter while staring dully into the distance. You don’t blame Jungkook for not talking about you - you haven’t spoken about him either. Sure, you think about him. Every. Single. Day. But thinking about him and speaking about him are two different things - the latter of which is far too painful.

When you don’t respond to his question, Hoseok simply sighs. “Okay fine, we don’t have to talk about that. But-” he begins.

Before he can continue, however, you turn and look at him, “Hobi, can we just not speak about this?” you ask quietly. Your brother looks at you pointedly, his eyes scrutinising you. With your slumped shoulders and the desperation in your eyes, Hoseok finds his eyes softening. Instantly, he wraps his arms around you, pressing your head to his chest. Automatically, you own arms wrap around him and you bask in your brother’s comforting embrace.

“You still love him,” Hoseok breathes out. There’s not a single hint of accusation in his tone, just plain understanding. More than that, it’s not a question; it’s a statement. One that has your fists curling tighter into his shirt, your shoulders tensing. You wait for him to continue, but he doesn’t say anything else. Rather, he just holds you, letting you seek as much solace as you need from his hold. Frozen in his hug, you breathe deeply as you try to hold yourself together.

Eventually, you find the strength to pull away. Hoseok looks at you with gentle eyes. “Are you happy, at least? With Minhyuk?” Hoseok asks. Opening your mouth, you move to reply, but find yourself stopping. Eyebrows furrowed, your face contorts marginally as you consider Hoseok’s question. Are you happy? Honestly? You have no idea. You haven’t felt any real happiness since you walked out on Jungkook - but you’d chalked it up to the fact that you were still getting over him.

Hesitancy evident in every fibre of your being, Hoseok looks at you pointedly. “Alright. You don’t have to reply because I already know the answer to that,” Hoseok  sighs. He pauses for a moment, and you can see the uncertainty in his eyes. Yet, he continues anyway, “I know mom pushed you towards Minhyuk,” Hoseok begins, causing your eyes to widen. You open your mouth to reply, however, he cuts you off once again, “But I trust you to do the right thing. Not for anyone, but for yourself. You’re strong, ____, but you’re also smart. Smart enough to know what you want,” Hoseok finishes. Before you can reply to him, however, you hear the balcony doors sliding open.

The two of you turn around to the newcomer, your heart fluttering when you see Jungkook. “Oh. Sorry, I’ll leave,” Jungkook quickly says, already turning around. Abruptly, however, Hoseok walks up to Jungkook before clapping him on the back.

“Nah it’s okay. I was just heading inside. You can keep ____ company if you want,” Hoseok says brightly. Internally, you despair at your brother’s words. What the fuck was he thinking? Nonetheless, before either of you can say anything, Hoseok disappears back into his apartment, consequently leaving you and Jungkook alone.

Jungkook turns to you nervously, and you can practically feel the hesitancy exuding off of him in thick waves. Pulling your lower lip between your teeth, you send him an awkward smile before gesturing for him to join you. Jungkook looks at you in a mix of worry and trepidation, but ultimately, takes Hoseok’s space beside you. The two of you stand in silence, facing the Seoul city skyline as you stare at nothing. Frazzled by his presence, you internally grasp for something to say, anything to break the thick awkward tension that surrounds the two of you.

Then, all of a sudden: “How have you been?”, “So, what’s up?”, you and Jungkook ask at the same time. You stare at each other in surprise for a couple of moments. Then, all of a sudden, you both burst out laughing.

“God, this is so weird,” Jungkook says, running a hand through his hair. Biting your lip, you nod in agreement before turning back to look at the cityscape.

With the tension broken, “so, how have you been?” you find yourself asking. From the corner of your eye, you notice Jungkook shrug listlessly.

“I’ve been… okay, I guess. How about you?”

“Fine. Alright. I guess,” you reply, mirroring his previous sentiment. They’re simple niceties - and you both know there’s a hint of deception in both your words - but neither of you says anything about it. Once again, the two of you fall into silence. Though, this time, the atmosphere isn’t thick with floundering awkwardness. Rather, it’s thick with confusion and uncertainty. Where do you go from here? What do you even say to your ex-boyfriend - one you still have feelings for?

Deciding to take a chance, “how’s work? I saw that your company released a new game,” you finally say. Jungkook’s head snaps towards you, his eyebrow rising at your question.

“You keep up to date with my company?” he asks. The incredulity in his voice surprises you and you look at him pointedly.

“Of course I do. That company means a big deal to you,” you reply easily. Despite the situation, Jungkook finds himself chuckling, even as his heart constraints at the thought of you checking up on him - even if it’s from afar.

“Yeah. It’s doing really well. Made me a lot of money. How about you? Dohyun from your department still being an ass because you’re the one who got promoted or?” Jungkook questions casually, causing you to laugh.

“Ah, man. Gotta love Dohyun. No, yeah. He’s still being an ass - but at least he doesn’t openly question my authority anymore,” you reply with an easy smile. Then, “actually, I have you to thank for that,” you softly say.

Jungkook looks at you in surprise, “me?”

Nodding, “yeah. I took your advice and threatened to fire him if he ever publicly undermined me again. That shut him up pretty quickly,” you chuckle. Jungkook snorts, the two of you laughing.

“Good! He deserves it. I know he has a problem working under a woman, but man, you deserved that promotion. You were far better qualified than him,” Jungkook compliments. Ducking shyly, you tuck a strand of hair behind your ears before smiling gently at him.

“Thanks. It means a lot,” you mumble under your breath, making Jungkook shake his head.

“No. ____, I’m serious. No one deserved it more than you. You worked so hard for it. There were days I was even worried about the stress you were under because you’d forget to eat, or you wouldn’t sleep. But I guess it was worth it in the end, because you got the promotion,” Jungkook responds. Then, he pauses, a teasing smile playing at the corners of his lips, “even if it meant there were days you’d ignore me,” Jungkook sighs dramatically. That causes you to snort, and before you can stop yourself, you playfully smack his arm.

“Hey! I gave you lots of attention. Or did you forget that time when I skipped work just so we could play hooky and go snowboarding?” you ask. Jungkook bites his lips, a tinkling giggle escaping his lips at the memory.

“Oh, that was good. You were terrible, and you fell so much I was worried you’d break something,” Jungkook reminisces, a soft sigh following his words.

Giggling to yourself, “Yeah, well we can’t all just pick up a sport and instinctively be good at them,” you snort in response.

“You’re right. Really, it’s a curse being perfect at everything,” Jungkook nods sagely in agreement. Jaw dropping, you look at him in amazement before the two of you burst out laughing.

Suddenly, a new voice breaks “What’s going on here?”

Turning around, you freeze at the sight of Minhyuk. Alternating between looking at you and Jungkook, Minhyuk’s face is a picture of passiveness, his lips set in a thin, grim line. At the sight of Minhyuk, you sense Jungkook deflate, the easy atmosphere once again thickening with tension.

“Minhyuk… this is-” you begin, ready to introduce the two. However, Minhyuk snorts.

“Yes. This is Jungkook, your ex-boyfriend. I know. Which begs the question, why are you alone out here with your ex while I’m inside?” Minhyuk asks. You reel at the accusatory tone in his voice as you double-take.

“Excuse me? We’re just out here speaking,” you exclaim and once again, Minhyuk snorts.

“It looked a little more than that,” he points out. Jaw dropping in bewilderment, you scoff at him, your eyes narrowing into thin slits.

“Uh, I think I should leave the two of you alone,” Jungkook says quietly as he begins making his way towards the balcony door.

Seeing him walk away breaks your heart, and you want to tell him to stay. Nevertheless, you know you have no right to. Not now anyway, when you have bigger problems at hand. Bigger problems namely being Minhyuk. “What’s your problem?” you ask, directing your attention to your boyfriend.

“My problem is that despite the fact that you’re going to be marrying me, you’re out here with the ex that you were seeing for five years. How do you think that makes me look?” Minhyuk argues back. At Minhyuk’s words, Jungkook finds his blood freezing as he’s brought to an abrupt halt - just before he can escape the balcony. You, yourself, are at a loss of something to say.

“We’ve barely been seeing each other for two months! Why are you bringing that up now?” you cry in astonishment. Really, where had the come from?

“But isn’t that why our mother’s set us up? Because we’re both looking to get married? Isn’t that where this is supposed to be going? Yet, here you are. With your ex-boyfriend. Who you’ve paid more attention to than me this entire night, by the way,” Minhyuk points out. Spluttering at his words, your cheeks heat as you know you’ve been caught. The hairs on your arms stand erect, and immediately, you know that Jungkook is staring at you - but you refuse to look at him. You don’t want to see the expression on his face right now.

Instead, you decide to keep your attention directly on Minhyuk, “yes, this is where it’s supposed to be going, but-” you reply, only for Minhyuk to cut you off once again.

“But nothing. I like you, a lot. And I know we’ve only known each other two months, but I can see us having a life together. Is that not what you want? Isn’t that the reason we’re together in the first place? Do you not want to marry me? Say you’ll marry me and I’ll drop this right now,” Minhyuk finally says, his previous anger and insecurity at seeing you and Jungkook together dissipating. He levels you with his sincere gaze, the unanswered ultimatum heavy in the air.

Unable to help yourself any longer, you momentarily shift your gaze to Jungkook. It’s brief - barely a second - but it’s all you need. The utter look of despair is clearly evident on his face, a mixture of heartbreak and anguish painted so very clearly across his features. It reminds you of the day you’d broken up with him; reminds you of how he’d looked when you’d walked out on him.

Flashback - nine months ago

One lazy Sunday, you find yourself in the apartment you share with your boyfriend. The two of you are sprawled on the couch, barely dressed: Jungkook with only his boxers and socks, and you in his large t-shirt and panties. You’d both considered getting dressed, but had decided against it - especially since neither of you had any plans to leave the house. Hence, you find yourself pressed against Jungkook, your back comfortably flush against his strong chest, your head easily finding the perfect resting spot in the crook where his collarbone meets his neck.

Absentmindedly, Jungkook plays with the hem of your underwear, fiddling with elasticated lace as you scroll through Netflix. The film titles pass in a blur as you look for something to watch. Catching the attention of one title, you can't help but fixate on it for a bit. "Kook?" you call out to your boyfriend softly. You angle your head to look up at him while shifting your head onto his shoulder, so you can see him clearly. Jungkook hums non-committally as he glances at you from the corner of his eyes.

"What's up, sweetheart? Wait- if this is just to ask me if we can watch Zootropolis again, you know my answer is always yes," Jungkook says, his eyes twinkling in excitement. A light giggle escapes your lips but you shake your head.

"No. I just- we've been together five years now, yes?" you ask, turning your head back to stare at the TV. Jungkook's eyebrows furrow slightly, and he moves his head so he can better look at you.

"Yes? What about it?"

"Well-" you begin. Briefly you pause, worrying your lower lip, "do you think we'll get married?" you breathe out. Jungkook stills, the hand that had been mindlessly playing with the lace material of your underwear coming to a halt.

"What?" he asks, his chest rumbling under you.

"Well, have you thought about us getting married? Like, we've been together a while now, but I don't think we've ever really spoken about it," you sigh out. Ideally, you wanted to marry Jungkook - because, after five years, you're sure he's the one for you.

"Honestly?" Jungkook asks. Anxiousness pools in the pits of your stomach as you hear the slight trepidation in his voice. It's barely there - but you know Jungkook well enough to spot the tell-tale sign of his worriment.

"Honestly," you reiterate his statement, letting him know you want nothing but the truth.

Jungkook sighs, "honestly, I've never really thought about it," he breathes out. Immediately, you jerk, sitting up as you twist to look at him. Shifting so you're in a more comfortable position, you sit on his stomach, your thighs straddling his waist. Instinctively, Jungkook's hands fall onto your thighs. You look at him in a mixture of shock and disbelief, Jungkook returning his own expectant gaze.

"You've never thought about us getting married?" you sputter out, completely baffled by his words. How has he not thought about it? You've been together five years now. That's an awfully long time - surely, he's thought about it at some point. Not to mention, you're both twenty-seven now, almost thirty. So how has he not thought about it? You know you have. In fact, you dream about the day you walk down the aisle, Jungkook on the other side. Hell, you dream about a life with him; a family - because you know he's all you want.

"Sweetheart-" Jungkook starts, and you look pointedly at him, "listen- it's nothing to do with you. It's just, we're still young. I do love you, you know that, but I just never really thought about it," he continues. Taking a deep, shuddering breath, you cock your head in question.

"Never?" you enquire. Jungkook simply shrugging.

"Not really," comes his simple reply.

“How?” you question, looking at him in confusion. Distinctly, you remember having light conversations with Jungkook. Conversations where you’d joke about being married, conversations about your wedding or your future together.

“What do you mean how?” Jungkook asks dumbly, causing you to frown.

“I mean- I know we’ve joked about it before. I’ve mentioned wanting to get married before, I know I have,” you point out.

“Yeah… but I thought you were joking and other than that, I’ve never seriously thought about it,” Jungkook says casually. You suck in a sharp breath at his words. He hadn’t ever seriously considered it? Fear settles in your stomach at his words. You’d always just assumed you and Jungkook would eventually get married - but he hadn’t ever seriously thought about it?

"Well... do you want to get married?" you ask plainly. Jungkook smirks at you, the corners of his lips twisting into a teasing, lop-sided smile.

"Are you asking?" he jokes. However, you're in no mood to play games. This is important to you - because your boyfriend of five years just admitted that he hadn't ever considered a future with the two of you together.

"Jungkook, I'm being serious," you say - your voice is soft, yet firm. Sensing the seriousness to your tone, the smile on Jungkook's face falls and he sits up. His movement displaces you from his stomach, and you find yourself moving to sit on the couch while looking at him expressionlessly.

"____, I don't know. As I said, I've never really thought about it," Jungkook reiterates.

"Well think about it now! Do you want to get married or no?" you ask, anxiousness bubbling in your veins. This conversation certainly hasn't gone the way you had expected it to. When you'd first asked Jungkook, it had just been an off-handed question, because really, why wouldn't he have thought about getting married. Now? You're not so sure.

"I- I don't know," Jungkook mutters. Face falling in despair, you get up off of the couch and walk into your bedroom. What did he mean he didn't know? Five years. You've been together five years, and he still doesn't know? Without a second thought, Jungkook follows you into your bedroom, watching in confusion as you begin getting dressed.

"Sweetheart? Are you mad at me?" he asks, causing you to snort derisively.

"Are you really asking me that right now?" you snap in response. Jungkook reels back at the irritation in your voice.

"Why? Because I said I don't know if I want to get married? Why is that a problem? I still love you- you know that," your boyfriend argues.

"The problem isn't that you love me Jungkook. It's that you just admitted you haven't thought about our future together," you cry back. Sensing your upset, Jungkook quickly walks up to you. He places his hands on your arms, gently rubbing up and down as he cooes gently at you.

"Baby, that's not what I meant. It's just, we're still young you know? And it's not like we have to get married to each other to prove anything. I love you, and you love me, isn't that enough?" Jungkook asks softly, trying his best to placate you. Tears forming in your eyes, you shake your head and push his hands away.

"But I want to get married Jungkook. But you don't even know if you want to get married," you reply back, your bottom lip quivering. You take in a deep breath in an attempt to hold yourself together.

"But I could... maybe," Jungkook replies. Though, you both hear the clear uncertainty in his voice. His words, paired with his tone, only has your heart breaking.

"Do you? It doesn't have to be now, but do you see us getting married? A simple yes or no. That's all I'm asking for," you breathe out.

Through tear-filled eyes, you watch your boyfriend contemplate your question. One minute passes. Then two. But he's no closer to giving you your answer. With every second that passes, your anguish grows into grief-stricken distress. Multiple times, Jungkook opens and closes his mouth, and each time, hope blooms in your chest, only to die when he closes his mouth. Long, excruciating moments pass, and you all but abandon hope, when finally he says something.

"I don't know," Jungkook replies. The very moment his words ring in your ears, that small inkling of hope within your chest in crushes. A sob escapes your lips and you feel your knees buckle. Distress painted on Jungkook's face, he reaches out to comfort you, but you back away from him, causing your boyfriend to flinch.

"Will you ever know?" you whisper hopelessly.

"I don't know," comes Jungkook's answer once again.

"Then I don't know if I can do this," you whisper back. Jungkook's head snaps up to you, his eyes wide as he looks at you in disbelief.

"What? What do you mean?" he chokes out, barely able to get the words out. Throat constricting, you swallow thickly as you choke back a sob.

"I don't know if I can still do this. Jungkook, I want to get married. I want to marry you. I dream about walking down the aisle to you, I dream about children - our children. I dream about a life with you. But you-" you stop as your voice cracks with emotion. Taking a deep breath, you pull yourself together once again, "but you don't know if you even want to get married and that... that just tells me you haven't thought about our future together," you finally manage to say, your voice strained.

"We're still young. We have so much time to think about that," Jungkook argues, causing you to shake your head.

"We're twenty-seven Jungkook. We've been together for five years. That's a long time, so why haven't you ever considered us getting married? Not even moments ago you admitted that you've never thought about it. How do you think that makes me feel?" you cry.

"I don't know! It wasn't on my mind. I think about you but I- I just don't know if I want to get married. Why is that a big deal?" Jungkook asks, even as anguish colours his veins at the sight of your heartbreak.

"It's a big deal to me! It's a big deal because like I said, that's what I want!" you practically yell. Taking another deep breath, you sniffle, "I don't think I can do this," you repeat once again. Again, your voice cracks, but Jungkook despairs at the resolution in it.

"What are you saying?" he chokes out, not wanting to believe it. You can't mean it. You can't be saying what he thinks you're saying.

"I'm saying- I'm saying we should break up," you finally say. You practically have to force the words out of your mouth - because, despite everything, every fibre of your being is still in love with Jungkook - still wants to be with Jungkook. But this isn't something you think you can compromise on.

"No," Jungkook blurts out. "N-no. Please, no," he practically begs. Once again he steps up to you, and once again, you step away from him - desperately needing the distance between you. "W-why? Why can't we wait until I know? Please, why can't we wait until I'm ready?" Jungkook pleads. Sucking in a deep breath, you shake your head as you look away. You want to. You desperately want to take his word for it, want to fall into his arms and forget this conversation. But you just can't.

"I c-can't," you express, "because what if we continue for another two, or three or five years, only for you to tell me you still don't want to get married? I don't want to start all over again in my thirties, Jungkook. I don't want to be in love with your a few more years, only for you to eventually decide you still don't want to get married," you reply softly.

"But we don't know if that'll happen!" Jungkook tries arguing and this time, you turn to him. Jungkook freezes at your face, the resolute sadness in your eyes breaking his heart. His heart constricts in his chest as he sees unwavering stubbornness, mixed with heartache and sorrow, in your eyes.

"Exactly Jungkook. We don't know. If you don't know now, after five years of being together, I don't know if you'll know in another few years. And I can't take that chance," you finally utter.

"____, please don't do this. I love you," Jungkook sobs brokenly. Unable to look him in the eyes anymore - unable to stand the utter devastation written on his face - you look away.

"I'm sorry," you whisper softly.

And then, you walk away.

By the time you’re drawn out of your reverie, Jungkook is long gone. In his stead, stands Minhyuk, who looks at you expectantly. ‘Say you’ll marry me.’ Minhyuk’s voice once again rings through your head and you can’t help but feel queasy at the statement. You had broken up with Jungkook because you wanted to get married - and you do. But, is Minhyuk who you want to marry? As harsh as it is, marrying Minhyuk feels like… you’re settling - and that doesn’t sit well with you. But what do you do now? What if this was your only chance? You’re twenty-seven now and you hadn’t lied to Jungkook when you said you didn’t want to wait another five years only for things to fall apart if he decided he still didn’t want to get married.

But this doesn’t feel right.

You and Minhyuk stare at each other, Minhyuk patiently waiting for your answer. Except, you have no idea what you want to say. Your skin flushes with heat and you feel panic set into your bones while your stomach flips. Blood rushes through your ears, the sound drowning out everything else as you simply stare at Minhyuk. Though, you’re not really looking at him. No, because even now, with Minhyuk standing in front of you and Jungkook long gone, there’s only one person on your mind.

The same person who’s been on your mind the entire night.

Abruptly, Hoseok’s words ring through your head. ‘You’re strong - but you’re also smart. Smart enough to know what you want.’ Your brother’s voice plays over and over in your head - like a broken vinyl - until it’s all you can hear. Then, a spark of epiphany courses through your head, and the dawning of revelation washes over you.

You do know what you want - more than anything.

And you know what you have to do now.

It's almost two in the morning when Jungkook finds himself outside of your apartment. He doesn't know how long he's sat there, back against the wall and knees up to his chest as he stares at your flat door. After he'd left Hoseok's apartment, he found his feet walking to a bar, and after about an hour of drinking, he'd walked home. Well, he'd meant to walk home. But, somehow, in his tipsy-fogged mind, he'd automatically walked to your building and then up to your flat. A while after that, he'd just sat outside your door, contemplating whether he should knock or not. The largest part of him desperately wanted to knock - and multiple times, fueled by the courage of the alcohol - he almost had. However, each time, the smaller part of him would stop himself, unable to actually follow through. What if you'd said yes to Minhyuk? What if you didn't want to see him? What if you're with Minhyuk? Jungkook doesn't know what he'd do if he knocks, only to find Minhyuk on the other side of the door.

Head repeatedly banging against the wall behind him, Jungkook stares at the gold plated numbers of your door. With every second that passes, the alcohol in his system slowly fades away and Jungkook finds himself sobering. But still, he doesn't leave. He can't bring himself to get up and walk away. It's late enough that sleep should begin fogging his mind, but again, not knowing whether you said yes or no to Minhyuk would eat away at him - and he knows he'd be restless and unable to sleep until he finds out. Yet, he just cannot bring himself to knock. So, instead, he just sits outside your apartment. Waiting for something. Anything.

For you.

Another hour passes and you still don't come. Jungkook lets out a shuddering breath, his head falling into his hands. Mentally, he draws up a pros and cons list of knocking - and yet, each time, he scraps them all. Even with all the cons: you could be engaged to Minhyuk, you could be with Minhyuk, you could be moving on with Minhyuk; Jungkook can't help but consider the pros: you could have said no, you could be alone, you could be waiting for him. It's that last one that he dreads. There's a small chance you couldbe waiting for him and that has hope flaring in his chest. But in this situation, hope is the most crushing thing in existence - because it's only a small chance - and his hope could be crushed the minute you answer the door.

A part of him believes you had to have said to yes - you just had to have - because that's what you wanted, wasn't it? You wanted to get married. So, what reason would you have to say no? But that small, niggling voice in Jungkook head won't stop speaking - won't stop telling him that he's a reason you would have said no. Nevertheless, Jungkook knows that voice comes from his hope - and as he's mentioned - hope is the worst thing he has right now.

"You can't keep doing this, Jungkook. It's been nine months. You should move on- like she is," Jungkook mutters to himself out loud. He has no doubt that if anyone sees him, they'd think he was some sort of crazy person, but Jungkook also doesn't care. Over and over, he repeats the sentences to himself and eventually, he gets up, ready to leave.

But then he stops.

Turning back to your door, he takes in a shuddering breath, and before he can stop himself - or even rethink his spontaneous decision - he finds himself knocking. Because he desperately needs to know if he's lost you once and for all. Then, he waits again.

And still waits.

Time moves excruciatingly slowly - the seconds agonisingly passing away. Momentarily, Jungkook considers knocking again - maybe you're asleep, maybe you didn't hear him. But the adrenaline-induced courage has long since faded after he knocked, and once again he finds himself turning away.

However, then, he hears it: the clinking of a chain.

The door creaks open slowly, Jungkook sucking in a sharp breath as he spots you. You're dressed in a large hoodie - and hope flares in his chest as he recognises it. It's hishoodie. He thought he'd misplaced it a while ago - but no, apparently it was just with you. But why? Why hadn't you returned it to him?

As soon as the door is wide open, you stare in disbelief at the sight in front of you. Rubbing your blood-shot eyes, your mouth drops slightly as you realise you're not imagining it. Jungkook is standing in front of you. Why is Jungkook standing in front of you?

"J-Jungkook?" you stutter out, bewilderment heavy in your voice.

"I'm sorry," Jungkook blurts out. Taken aback by his sudden apology, your eyebrow furrows.

"W-What? Why are you sorry?" you ask, unsure of what's happening. You'd just been crying in bed - desperately wishing for Jungkook - so, when you'd opened your door only to see him, you'd thought you were dreaming. And now? Well, now you're just confused. What does he have to be sorry about?

"I made a mistake. You were right- I didn't- I never thought about our future together. I never considered getting married, or whether we'd have a family together and it's because I was comfortable. I grew comfortable in our relationship and I took it for granted. I took you for granted," Jungkook breathes out. His words fall so quickly from his lips, he practically rambles, and you really have to strain to understand his words. "After five years together, I just got so used to us. I thought I'd always have you, and so, marriage or a family didn't even cross my mind - but it should have. I should have thought about our future together. I'm sorry that I didn't, and I'm sorry that I thought about it too late," Jungkook continues. Once again, he pauses, taking a deep breath as he thinks about what to say next. But if he's being honest, he doesn't really know what else to say.

Shoulders deflating, Jungkook runs a weary hand through his hair, and suddenly, he looks more harried than you've seen him in a long time. "I'm just- I'm sorry I didn't think about it back then. I'm just sorry," Jungkook finishes lamely. There's more on the tip of his tongue: I miss you, I want you, I love you; but he can't bring himself to say them. Not when you could be happy with Minhyuk. He can't do that to you - he'd broken your heart that day - when he'd openly admitted he'd never thought about a future with you - and now, you have a chance with someone else. And he can't take that away from you, even if it breaks his heart to let you go. Left reeling by his words, they play over and over in your mind, and it takes all your brainpower to reallyunderstand them - but in your stunned daze, you don't say anything - and Jungkook doesn't know what to make of it.

So, instead, "I guess, that's what I wanted to say. I- I hope you're happy with Minhyuk," he chokes out. Sluggishly, you realise that Jungkook is walking away - and that's all it takes to restart your brain.

"W-what if I'm not happy? What would you do if I wasn't happy?" you rasp, your voice straining. Jungkook freezes at your words, his blood running cold. Then, he whips around so quickly, you fear he'd get whiplash. However, Jungkook doesn't care. Rather, his eyes swiftly rake over your face, searching for something, anything to confirm what'd he'd just heard. He finds it in your eyes; in the way they silently beg him to continue, plead with him to say everything on his mind.

Helpless under your imploring gaze, Jungkook finds his tongue unravelling as he lays his feelings at your feet. "I'd ask for a second chance. A chance to make you happy and give you what you want," Jungkook breathes out. Your eyes widen in the slightest at his proclamation.

Is he saying what you think he is?

Incredulity painted as clear as day on your face and sliver of hope evident in your eyes, Jungkook's face softens slightly. He wasn't lying - when Minhyuk had proposed the ultimatum, Jungkook had felt his heartbreak - and when he'd sat in the bar, all he could think about was you. More importantly, all he could think about was the missed opportunity. He imagined what you'd look like on your wedding day. How happy would you be? Would you look as radiantly beautiful as he imaged you to be? Would you smile in that carefree, captivating way that you did? But then, he grew maudlin - because he realised that if you did, it wouldn't be for him - and that broke his heart. It broke his heart to imagine you marrying someone that wasn't him, smiling for someone who wasn't him, creating a family with someone that wasn't him.

Nothing but sincerity in his voice, Jungkook continues, "I'd ask for you to take me back and to marry you. Because that's what I want - as long as it's with you," Jungkook finishes.

Throat clogged up with the heavy weight of your emotions, you swallow thickly, "then ask," you choke out. Your words are simple - and practically inaudible - but in the stillness of the empty corridor, and the quiet of the night, Jungkook hears it as clear as day.

"But- But what about Minhyuk?" Jungkook asks, unsure about whether he should or not. Hope flares in his chest at your words - but he doesn't want to believe them. Not yet, at least.

"Ask anyway," you simply say.

"Will you-" Jungkook begins, but the instant he opens his mouth, you're cutting him off.

"Yes," you reply - not even waiting for him to finish. It doesn't matter what he said. It doesn't matter if the words to follow are 'give me a second chance' or 'marry me' because all that matters is that he's back. All that matters is that he's willing to think about your future together - and right now, that's enough for you.

"You don't even know what I'm going to say-mpf," Jungkook begins, only to be stopped short when you pull him in for a kiss.

The instant his lips touch yours, you feel your entire body become electrified. Your veins are set afire with love, Jungkook's soft lips pressed against yours in a sweet kiss. Instinctively, Jungkook's arms wrap around your waist, his hands pulling your body flush against his as he feels you for the first time in months. You taste the same as you always have - temptingly sweet - and your body against his feels exquisite: your curves and contours fitting perfectly against his body. Sinking into this kiss, and consequently Jungkook, you sigh against his lips while you let your hands wander across his broad shoulder, before carding them into his hair.

Brief moments later, Jungkook breaks off your kiss; his forehead falling to rest against yours as he stares deeply into your eyes. His hands move to cradle your face, his thumb brushing your cheek tenderly as he lazily peppers soft kisses against your lips. Despite the softness of the moment, Jungkook can't stop wondering about Minhyuk - a sentiment he expresses to you in concern.

"I couldn't do it. I couldn't say yes," you reply, your eyes holding nothing but the truth. Jungkook's eyebrows knit together, and you find yourself giggling at the adorable expression. After a light peck against his lips, you move to rest your head against his chest, your eyes slipping shut as you feel his steady heartbeat under your ear. "I couldn't do it, because even then, you were all I could think about. I thought I wanted to get married, and I did - I do - but I realised, I didn't want to marry just anyone. I wanted to marry you," you confess. Jungkook's heart soars in his chest and helpless under your spell, he finds himself pulling you in for another kiss.

However, this time, it's different. This time, your kiss isn't slow, or soft. No, it's needier - Jungkook’s pouring out his entire heart into your kiss as he bruises his lips against you. Gasping against his lips, your fists clench around Jungkook’s leather jacket - using the material to pull him closer into you. You pull away from Jungkook’s lips, breathing heavily against his lips as you stare up at him through the thick of your eyelashes.

“Do you want to come in?” you breathily ask. Jungkook pauses for a moment.

“Are you sure? We don’t have to-” he begins refuting. However, you’re already pressing kisses against his jaw - lightly nipping the sensitive spot just above his Adam’s apple.

“I’m sure. I’ve missed you,” you rasp out, your voice coming out breathier than you anticipated. Jungkook’s eyes dilate at your words, and before you know what’s happening, he’s leading you into your apartment.

The both of you barely make it into your apartment, before Jungkook is slamming the door shut and pushing you up against the hard wood. Caging you between his arms, Jungkook’s lips fall upon yours again, his lips moving in a frenzied fashion this time. Instinctively, your arms wrap around his shoulders, pulling him closer into you. Jungkook lets out a soft growl against your lips before pulling away. Peppering kisses along your jaw, he trails down the column of your throat before nuzzling his face into the juncture of your shoulder.

“God- I’ve missed you,” Jungkook whispers as he breathes in your calming scent. Own hands threading into his hair, you lazily play with the locks at the nape of his neck.

“I missed you too. A lot,” you moan out as Jungkook begins to suckle bruises onto the tender flesh of your throat.

“Is that why you’re wearing my hoodie?” Jungkook asks, curiosity winning out on him. Not that you don’t look good in it - in fact, seeing you dressed in his clothing is one of Jungkook’s favourite things.

“Maybe,” you reply coyly, “what are you going to do about it?” you continue. Jungkook sucks in a sharp breath at the teasing lilt to your voice and immediately, drops to his knees. You jerk at the sudden movement, your eyes widening marginally at the sight of Jungkook on his knees.

“If this was any other time, I’d teach you a lesson. But right now, I’ve missed you too much, and you look good enough to eat,” Jungkook groans out as he runs his nose along the exposed flesh of your inner thigh. Your breath hitches at his words, Jungkook’s large hands slowly wrapping around your thighs before he parts your legs. Tenderly, his hands run up the back of your thighs, and gripping the flesh of your ass, he pulls your hips further into him.

Running his nose against the cotton of your panties, Jungkook takes in a deep breath before groaning as the heady scent of your arousal runs through his nose. He pushes his hoodie further up your hips, his lips gently tracing his way up the length of your thigh. Positioned just over your hip, Jungkook places a tender kiss above where your bone is. Then, he bites down on the waistband of your panties before slowly sliding it down your legs. When he gets to the crooks of your thighs, he lets go of it, letting the material drop to the floor.

You step out of your underwear and spread your legs - making more room for Jungkook. Gripping one of your thighs, he pulls it to rest over his shoulder, exposing your pussy to his gaze. Dark, lust-filled eyes rove over your folds, Jungkook shuddering as the scent of your arousal deepens. Your sex is slightly dewy, glistening in the low lighting of your living room. Biting his lip, Jungkook edges closer to your folds before tentatively licking a line: all the way from your core to your clit.

“Oh fuck,” you groan out, your head lolling back while one of your hands shoots out to tangle into his thick hair. Hearing your low groan, Jungkook smirks against your pussy before repeating the action. Spikes of pleasure run up and down your spine, your eyelids fluttering as you lose yourself into the pleasure he brings upon your body.

Moving one hand, Jungkook presses two fingers against the petals of your sex before parting his digits in a ‘V’ shape and consequently your folds. With your pussy exposed, Jungkook once again licks a thick line from your dripping, honeyed entrance, all the way to your engorged bud. He licks harder this time, his tongue lapping in a broad line as he gathers your heady essence onto his tongue. Your arousal bathes his tastebuds, and with his nose pressed against the hood of your clit - all he can taste, all he can breathe is you.

Soft lips wrap around your clit, Jungkook pulling the sensitive bud into his mouth before lightly suckling on it. His ministrations cause you to gasp - the sound quickly morphing into a heavy moan when his nips your throbbing clit. Tangling your fingers further into his hair, you slowly undulate your hips, pushing them further into Jungkook as you tug on his hair, trying to get him to move fast.

Sensing the urgency in your movements, Jungkook rakes his teeth over your clit in warning once again. Then, breaking away with a pop, “Be patient, darling,” Jungkook breathes out. The lusty fog of your desire rolls thickly into your head, clouding your mind and setting your flesh aflame with want and through your wanton need, you barely hear Jungkook’s words. Instead, the feel of Jungkook’s warm breath wafting over your wet folds has you shuddering in pleasure.

“Kook,” you whine needily, desperation heavy in the high pitch of your voice.

With his face buried between your thighs, you can’t see his face. But you don’t have to. You can feel the smirk on his lips. Not that you really care - because he’s currently swirling his tongue around your clit tantalisingly and subsequently driving you to the brink of insanity. Lightly, he moves the two fingers that have you spread open. You shudder at the featherlight touch, feeling him softly ghost his fingertips over the outline of your folds before circling your entrance. His touch has your core clenching, your pussy walls fluttering around his fingertips.

“Fuck- I forgot how fucking sensitive your pussy is,” Jungkook moans against your clit. His words are slightly muffled, and the vibration of his voice shoots straight from your clit to the pits of your belly. Loins heating with pleasure, you feel your stomach twist and knot as Jungkook laps kittenish licks against your clit. Teasingly, Jungkook continues circling his fingertip against your entrance, feeling the way strings of your sticky wetness drip out of you before they cling to his digit.

Drawing away from your clit, Jungkook slowly pulls his finger away; his throat drying as he watches the thin, filmy strings of your arousal drip from your pussy and onto his finger. The thick rivulets stretch as he pulls away - and the moment one of them snaps - Jungkook is unable to stop himself from pressing his head back between your thighs. Tongue plunging into your core, his swirls his wet appendage around your cunt, groaning as thick streams of arousal drip onto his tongue.

“Oh fuck- Kook,” you mewl, your head falling back and hitting the door with a light thud. The pain barely registers in your mind, your eyes rolling into the back of your skull as your pussy flutters around his tongue. Helpless against your needy whine, Jungkook pushes two fingers into your depths, your body jerking at the sudden intrusion as you tug at his hair reflexively. Twisting his fingers into you, Jungkook pumps his digits in and out, relishing in the feel of your silken, pulsating walls around his appendages as he continues eating you out - almost ravenously.

Gripping his locks tightly, you gyrate harder into his mouth. Waves of pleasure flit over your skin, your blood boiling with ecstasy as you feel the warmth in your belly begin to heat up. When Jungkook spreads your entrance using his fingers, his tongue plunging deeper into you, you let out a cry of pleasure. God, you’d forgotten just howgood Jungkook’s mouth was. Mouth and throat running dry, you swallow thickly before panting out his name over and over again. The once dull warmth begins burning your loins; searing, white-hot pleasure running up and down your flesh, your skin prickling with goosebumps as you feel your orgasm approaching.

“Please-” you groan out, the guttural sound intermingling with the wet, sloppy sounds of Jungkook eating you out. Thighs quivering against his ears, Jungkook pushes his fingers deeper into you. Expertly, he finds the sweet spot inside you, his fingers crooking at the knuckle as he strokes the spongy spot. Reflexively, your hand tugs his hair harshly while your knees buckle under the euphoria of your approaching orgasm.

“Are you cumming, baby? You wanna cum on my tongue?” Jungkook taunts, a teasing lilt to his voice. Swallowing thickly, it’s all you can do to simply rasp out his name. Knowing he has you on the verge of ecstasy, Jungkook doubles his efforts - his fingers pistoning inside you quicker as he wraps his wet lips around your clit.

“God, your pussy tastes so fucking good. I missed you - missed the way your pretty little pussy feels around my tongue,” Jungkook grunts out. Another whine of pleasure escapes your lips, your hips jolting into his face when the pads of his finger stroke your g-spot.

“Cumming-” you gasp out, your voice cracking under the pleasure.

“Then cum baby- cum all over my tongue. I wanna taste you- wanna drink you up,” Jungkook urges. The filthiness of his words, paired with the way he harshly sucks your clit, instantly has you cumming.

A loud mewl escaping your lip, you whine out his name. Your eyes roll back into your skull, your visions filled with white spots as your orgasm ricochets through you. Feeling you come undone above him, Jungkook rips his fingers out of you, his hands gripping your flesh and fingers digging into your skin as he holds your violently trembling thighs. The scent of your arousal thickens deeply, and Jungkook watches with dilated eyes as thick ropes of cum drip out of your cunt and down your thighs.

Placing his lips against your entrance, Jungkook slurps at your cum, swallowing it thickly and relishing in your taste. You whine out his name, your knees buckling from the power of your orgasm - and if it weren’t for Jungkook’s strong grip, you’re sure you’d drop to the floor. Gasping for air, you slowly come down from the high of your orgasm, Jungkook patiently waiting for you to descend down to reality.

Tenderly, your boyfriend places affectionate kisses along the length of your thigh, softly cooing at you while he whispers sweet nothings against your flesh. A soft smile tugs at your lips and you untangle your fingers from their vice-like grip on his locks. Instead, you softly play with the strands, marvelling at their silk-like texture. Jungkook always had beautiful hair, but with how long it is currently, you can reallyadmire it.

“Kook- want you,” you mew. Jungkook chuckles at the soft neediness in your voice.

“Come here, sweetheart,” Jungkook says before he gathers you in his arms. Gently, he brings you to the floor with him. Still swimming in the haziness of your orgasm, you feel Jungkook swiftly divest himself off his clothing, until he’s left naked. Once done, Jungkook gathers you into his arms once again. He shifts you so your thighs are straddling his, your body propped against his strong chest as his back rests against the door to your apartment.

Unable to help yourself, you rest your head against his shoulder, your hands indolently running over his skin as you finally feel him under your touch. You trace every muscle of his upper body - from the corded flesh of his biceps, to the taut skin of his abdomen; and then towards his broad, defined shoulders. Jungkook’s arms wrap around your waist, his hands running up the hem of his hoodie and flitting up your skin before he divests you off the article of clothing - leaving you both naked.

Shuddering at the feel of the night’s crisp air against your skin, you snuggle closer into Jungkook’s warmth, letting his presence wash over you. “I missed you,” you mumble against his skin. Jungkook’s face softens and he nods, his head dropping so he can press a kiss to your shoulder. His long hair tickles your skin and you relish in the featherlight touch.

Not wanting to wait any longer - and more than desperate to feel him inside of you - you flex your thighs, picking yourself up. One hand feels out for Jungkook’s cock, and easily finding the shaft, you grip the base before pressing it against your entrance. Feeling the bulbous head push against your entrance, you let out a soft whine before slowly descending down onto him. Slowly, he spreads out your walls, his thick girth stretching you out for the first time in months. It’s been a while since you’ve had Jungkook and the sheer size of him has a dull pain stinging at your pussy walls - but you don’t mind so much. No, in fact, you cherish it - because you’d sorely missed how transcendent he’d felt stretching out your pussy to its brim.

“Oh fuck- God, you’re so fucking tight. You feel so good,” Jungkook groans out, his cock twitching with every inch he sinks into you. Jungkook’s arms wrap around you, holding your naked chest flush against his as you continue your descent onto his cock. When he finally bottoms out, his balls resting just under your ass, you let out a little whimper, your fingers clawing into his shoulder.

“You good, baby?” Jungkook asks, his lips skimming the outline of your collarbone.

“Yeah- you feel- so good,” you gasp out. Jungkook gives you a couple of moments to adjust to the feel of him - and then, he’s gripping your hips before lifting them up for you. You cry out in pleasure as you feel his cock retreat out of you, only for Jungkook to thrust upwards, plunging the entire length of his shaft.

The two of you begin moving in tandem with each other: Jungkook helping you move on top of him while simultaneously impaling his cock into you. With every one of his movements, you feel pleasure run through your veins. Every time he plunges the entirety of his cock inside of you, you let out short gasps, your toes curling in pleasure. Moving slowly, you take the time to simply feel each other - the ardent fire of your lust and love burning bright in the pits of both your bellies as you sink into unadulterated pleasure.

Your slow, sensual pace continues for a little while longer - but you can slowly feel Jungkook’s desperation increasing with each thrust. His hands begin wandering over your hips and around to hold your ass. Fingers digging into the soft flesh, he grips your ass tightly before bouncing you harder ontop of him. Need fills his every movement - Jungkook’s thrusts becoming rougher. You bounce on top of him, your entire body shaking as Jungkook thrusts harder and harder into you. Changing the angle of his hips, Jungkook plunges his cock against your sweet spot, the head of his cock brushing it with every impalement of his hips.

“I’m cumming, baby,” Jungkook warns. Not that he really needs to, you can feel his cock throb erratically inside you, twitching every now and then as your walls clench rhythmically around his shaft - massaging his entire length.

“Cum, baby. Cum in me. Wanna feel you deep in me,” you say softly, your hands softly massaging his shoulders. Jungkook lets out a little groan, pulling your hips harder down onto him as he tries to push his cock as deep as he can into you.

“Cum with me. Play with yourself. Wanna feel you cum around my cock,” Jungkook urgers, and you find yourself growing wetter at the authority present in his voice. Unable to deny him anything, you twist one arm between your body and begin expertly playing with your clit. The additional pleasure has you crying out in ecstasy. All of a sudden, you feel heat rush through your veins, your lips parting in a silent scream as you cum for a second time.

Feeling your walls clamp around him tightly, paired with the gushing of your cum around his cock, Jungkook let’s out a little groan. “Oh fuck,” he moans. Then with two stilted thrusts, he plunges his cock as deep as he can into you before cumming with a soft roar. His cock twitches inside your walls before he shoots rope after rope of hot cum inside you. You groan at the feel of his warmth, your toes curling in pleasure as the base of your spine tingles.

Jungkook holds you to him tightly, clutching your body to his as you both gasp and pant for air. The haziness of your euphoric high slowly abates, until you’re both left clinging to each other. Eventually, the white spots in your vision clear and you slowly pull away from him. You take in the sight of Jungkook, completely spent and sweat-soaked locks clinging to his forehead. Hearing you giggle, Jungkook opens one eye to peek at you.

“Stop laughing at me,” he pouts. Once again, you giggle at him, and then let yourself fall against him. Exhaustion weighs down your muscles and you find yourself snuggling into Jungkook’s chest, sleep already replacing the lust-filled fog that clouds your head.

“I can’t help it if you’re so cute,” you mumble sleepily. Jungkook bites his lips, lightly snorting through his nose. However, he simply doesn’t have the energy to argue with you. Instead, he sits quietly while attempting to catch his breath.

Eventually, he decides he’s had enough of a rest - but when he turns to you, you’re already deeply asleep, a small smile on your lips. Tenderly, Jungkook tuts, but there’s no real ire in it. Gathering you in his arms, he picks you up, wincing when his muscles protest the movement. Ignoring the pain, he carries you into your bedroom before gently depositing under the cover.

Fatigue quickly overcomes him, and it’s all Jungkook can do to not collapse beside you. Holding off, however, he manages to sluggishly pull himself under the cover. Once under the thick sheets, Jungkook shifts closer to you before he pulls you into his arms. You’re both sticky - your skin covered in a light sheen of perspiration - and it’s slightly uncomfortable, but Jungkook doesn’t care.

He’d be damned if he spent one more night without you in his arms.

a/n: owo i hope you enjoyed it! please don’t forget to tell me what you thought 🥺

⇥ Masterlist

[filmflowersbangtan]

Dead of Night (preview)

pairing: gang member!jungkook x reader

genre: angst, fluff 

warnings: swearing | drug mention | gangs | in the full story, there will be violence, blood, fighting, threatening 

preview word count: 4k

you meet jungkook in a diner in the early morning where it’s just the two of you in the entire place. An interesting relationship ensues, and you find out he’s not who you thought he was. He’s a prominent member of the city’s most powerful gang, surrounded by danger and trouble. But you still want him.

--

author’s note: I sincerely apologize for being gone for so long and for not updating any of my fics. To everyone waiting on IMSWY pt. ii: I am so sorry for taking so long with it. It’s still in my WIPs, and I haven’t given up on it yet, but it is on the back burner right now since I have many other ideas bubbling up that I absolutely have to write or else they will probably internally set me aflame (lol). 

I will be deleting many of my fics soon. I will be keeping “Unbound,” “I Must Still Want You,” “Heartbreaker with a Heart of Gold,” and “Lonely Planets.” Everything else I will be deleting because I have no desire to finish working on them or I simply do not like them anymore and can’t see them going anywhere.

I also will probably not be writing anymore series. Everything will most likely be one shot because every time I start a series, I get too overwhelmed with the idea of updating parts and finishing them that I just end up postponing them for too long and leaving too many people who have been looking forward to them disappointed. I do want to say that I have been going through So Much since I last posted Lonely Planets pt. ii and IMSWY, but I am in a so so so much better place now. That’s why I’m even writing this story now.

This will be a oneshot. It will not be a series. It will be very long. I am almost finished with it, but I am posting this preview just to see if you all would like to continue reading it.

Thank you all. I appreciate all the feedback and the follows and the reblogs so, so much. The feedback and the reblogs of Heartbreaker with a Heart of Gold is what really motivated me to write this one. I hope you all enjoy it. 😊

--

Being alone was like an addiction. It was fulfilling and appealing and…well, lonely. 

Two in the morning diner stops during the weekdays had become routine. The place was completely empty save for a waitress and a cook and maybe a tired trucker. You tucked yourself in a booth in the back. The vinyl seats were cracked and uncomfortable, the lighting was stark and washed everything raw. But it was comforting. Sleep was evasive and your apartment was barely unpacked, boxes stacked haphazardly in the dining area and the mattress on the living room floor. It was your idea to move to this vast city far away from home. This city swallowed everything in its incessant noise. Nocturnal and teeming with cars and neon lights. It never rested and the two of you had that in common. You took solace in that. 

The air was thick with bacon grease and bitter black coffee. Every morning you had waffles and orange juice. The refills were free and the waffles were the exact same circumference as the plate underneath it. Time was stagnant here. The city pressed against the plate glass windows, but the reflections from inside barred its entry. If you looked out, you simply stared directly at yourself. Maybe there was some kind of metaphor in that. 

The night shift waitress, Bethany, set your plate of steaming waffles on the table as well as a glass syrup dispenser. She knew you by name and you thanked her for the food. She smiled sweetly and left you be. 

The door chimed, denoting the entry of another patron. You didn’t look up. Bethany greeted the person in her cheerful customer service voice. You knew she didn’t actually sound like that. Once, you glimpsed her smoking a cigarette by the dumpster at the back of the diner arguing with her boyfriend on her cell phone. She had a tired voice. You wondered if she was lonely, too.

As you ate, Bethany took the patron’s order. From where you sat, his voice was a mumble. “You got it!” Bethany said before breezing away.

You glanced up from your food at the patron. Hair dyed blond, dark brown at the roots. He had a gentle face and a mouth made for smiling or furtively suppressing them. Tattoos were stippled on his arm all the way down to his knuckles. He was staring down at his phone, his fingers were slender and embellished with many silver rings. He was impossibly handsome. A paragon of beauty. 

And he looked up. Right at you. Why was it at that moment you happened to notice him, he decided to notice you, too?

Your scalp prickled with hot embarrassment. You immediately averted your eyes back to your waffles. There was only a bite remaining. Good. You could finish, get your check, pay, and leave.

Boldly, you chanced another glimpse. He did, too. This time, a smile, broad and lovely, stretched across his face. It was endearing and intimate and you had never felt so seen. It was exhilarating. A small smile crept onto your mouth. You couldn’t help it. His smile was contagious. 

This was how the following hour went. Weighted glances and secret smiles from across the room. He received his food, and he picked up his plate and mug of coffee and…was he coming this way?

You watched him, eyes wide, as he sauntered over to your booth and set his items on your table. “May I sit?” he said. His voice was the perfect match to his face. Smooth, sonorous, soft. Crushed velvet. 

Jerkily, like you had never done it before, you nodded. He sat. “Hi,” he said.

“Hi,” you replied. 

“I’m Jungkook.”

You told him your name. He repeated it once, twice, thrice. Like he enjoyed the feel of it in his mouth, rolling it around like a piece of hard candy he didn’t want to dissolve on his tongue just yet. “It’s a pleasure to meet you.” He reached his hand over the table. You smiled and shook it. 

His plate was piled with pancakes and sausages and scrambled eggs. He dug in. In between bites, he asked, “So what brings you here at this time of night?” “I have trouble sleeping. And you?” Your chest was tight with the awkwardness of it all, but he appeared to be perfectly at ease. 

“I’m just a night owl. Or I’m a vampire.” He shrugged nonchalantly as he continued eating.

Surprisingly, laughter bubbled from you until you couldn’t help the giggles that shook you. How long had it been since you had a conversation with anyone? Your store had been a drought for the past month, only a couple of people coming in a day. You didn’t call home because your parents would ask how you’ve been, and that topic lit a fire in your skull. Bethany was just a waitress doing her job. And Nora was always busy. It was refreshing to have someone sit with you. Talk with you. Want to be near you. 

His eyes danced at the sound of your laughter. It was an innocuous expression, boyish in how pure it was. 

You covered your mouth with your hands to mask the laughter. And he gently grabbed your wrist and removed them. “I like your laugh.”

Butterflies unfurled their wings in your stomach and fluttered in a frantic cluster. He resumed his meal as if nothing happened. “So what do you do?”

You cleared your throat. “I own a used book and record store downtown. It’s small and kind of hidden from the street, but it’s there.” You chuckled nervously. You were proud of that store, but you might have to close it down soon and return to your hometown with your tail tucked in between your legs if the revenue continued as it did. 

His eyebrows shot up. “Wow. That’s super cool. I like records. Books, not so much. Where is it located?”

You told him the address. “By that bodega on the corner.”

“The one that sells the really good blue raspberry shaved ice?”

You snapped your fingers. “That’s the one.”

“I’ll definitely have to stop by.” 

This was how the next few hours went. Talking about everything and nothing. He had lived in the city his entire life, worked as a freelance artist, had an apartment not too far away. Plates had been swept away by Bethany long ago. Refills poured, drained, and poured again.

And then, “Do you maybe want to get out of here? Kick it at my place?” Jungkook asked. His expression was open and genuine. 

You didn’t know if that was a good idea. But talking to him was stimulating and you didn’t want it to end. 

He noticed your hesitation. “Turn you location on your phone, I’ll even give you my address so you can send it to your friends. Anything to make you feel comfortable.”

He was right. He didn’t live that far. It was barely past five o’ clock in the morning, the city was still awake, billboards alight. The buildings towered, dark against the predawn blue of the sky. The apartment building was modest and typical of the city. Clean and affordable but just expensive enough to be appealing to a specific demographic of college students and those with decent enough jobs. His apartment was on the third floor and was charming with brick walls and high ceilings. There was a bookshelf packed with vinyl records, even more in milk crates. A record player in pristine condition sat on an end table beside an armchair. 

“Welcome to my humble abode,” Jungkook said, shrugging off his jacket and hanging it on a hook beside the front door. 

“You said you liked records,” you replied, browsing his collection. 

“I did.”

“This isn’t liking records. This is a goddamn treasure trove.” You pushed your hair behind your ear, eager to move it from your face. “Bowie, Billie Holiday, Bob Dylan, Prince. You even have a rare version of Hendrix’s Electric Ladyland. With the naked women! This is incredible.” 

He laughed. “I see you are a woman of taste.” 

“If only my dad could see this. I’m afraid to touch anything.” 

“I’m sure you don’t have clumsy hands with records. Since you have a record store and all.”

You laughed. “I appreciate the trust.”

“So what would you like to listen to?”

You mulled it over, taking your time examining the sleeves of the records. Then you found one.

He smiled when you showed him the cover art. “Perfect.” 

Frank Ocean’s Blond. A modern classic. Perfect for the liminal hour of five AM. 

Jungkook slipped it from its sleeve, fingers on the slim rounded edges of the record. He carefully settled it on the turntable, placed the needle on the disc, and played the album. There was the classic crackle of vinyl, and then the first track emanated. It was a phantasm of sound, rich and ethereal. Light but weighted. The song was the deep blue of the sky before the sun decided to pull itself above the horizon and emblazon the sky with its myriad of colors. It was the perfect song for this liquid moment that felt like a dream. This beautiful stranger standing before you with his incredible collection. 

And then you were in Jungkook’s arms, slowly swaying to the music. You smiled up at him and him down at you. 

The album continued on in the living room, serenading to no one. You and Jungkook had moved to the bedroom, lounging on the bed. The horizon blushed peach, casting the room in half-light. You both lay on your backs, him with an arm slung casually behind his head, you with your hands folded delicately on your stomach. 

“Thank you for paying for my meal today,” you said to him meekly. 

He smiled. “Thank you for the great conversation. And having an amazing taste in music.” 

You laughed. “What made you come sit with me anyway?”

That was when he looked at you, his mouth still slung in a smile, but his eyes sincere. “Because you’re beautiful.”

Your cheeks went hot and you giggled nervously, covering it with your hands. He rolled over and carefully removed them, his eyes on yours. For a brief moment, time was still. Your breath caught in your throat. He was so close. His lips were so close. Your noses were just barely brushing. His voice was husky when he said, “I like your laugh.”

And then he kissed you. 

In the living room, Frank Ocean sang about nights and new beginnings. 

In the bedroom, you and Jungkook were breathless. Hands on thighs. Hands in hair. Teeth on collarbones. It was a innocent hunger, one that never got too peckish. He was careful with you, didn’t dare to remove your clothes. “I like you,” he breathed into your neck. You gasped at the sensation. 

You kissed until you both eventually succumbed to sleep, the morning sun pouring drowsy golden light across the room.

It was well into the afternoon when you woke to the sound of a shower running. The room was unfamiliar. Definitely not your barren apartment with the boxes strewn about the place. And you definitely weren’t on your living room mattress tangled amongst its waves of sheets. The bed you were in was the most comfortable you’ve ever experienced. Brick walls, plants, beautiful abstract canvas paintings leaning against the wall. Then you remembered. 

The diner. The vinyl collection. The sunrise. The kiss. 

Jungkook. 

He was in the shower and you were fully dressed and the night had to have been a dream. But it wasn’t. Reality settled back onto your shoulders in agonizing waves. You were hours late opening the store. But oh, you wanted to burrow into these soft, sweet-smelling sheets and dissolve into nothing. Eventually you got up. 

The door to the bathroom was open. You thought about telling him you were leaving, but instead, you drew your name and number into the mirror steam and went home to shower and change yourself.

An entire week went by and he never called. He didn’t return to the diner, either. It hurt. Every time you lay on your side, willing yourself to sleep, the phantom feeling of his hands and lips barreled you at such an unwelcome rush you would gasp. None of it was real. You had to keep telling yourself that. None of it was real. 

Life went back to normal. Jungkook was a fleeting daydream that sifted in and out of your thoughts. The store still barely got any customers, except for the same two or three crate diggers who visited like ghosts. And then Nora, your best friend, breezed through the door. She was a city girl through and through. Large sunglasses, the omnipresent iced coffee, the expensive wardrobe curated specifically for being in front of a camera. She was partly why you moved here. The two of you were from the same hometown, and she had escaped first to chase the tail of a fashion designer career. 

“Move here!” she had said during a phone call. “You’ll love it. You’re super hipster and this city eats that shit up! And you can open up that record and book store you always dreamed of.” 

She wasn’t wrong. You loved this city but this city seemed to not love you back. Now, she pushed her sunglasses up into her hair and set her iced coffee on the counter top before you. You were sitting behind the register, feet up and reading a book when she had come in. You looked up from the paperback in your hands. “And what have I done to deserve your presence, Your Highness?”

“Good morning, dork! We’re going to a party.”

You kicked your feet down. Slipped a bookmark in the book and closed it. And you simply said, “No.”

She blinked, her smile stiff. “Why not?” 

“You know I have to open this place every single morning. I can’t go to a party and get drunk and miss another opening.”

“Stop making this store your entire life.”

“It is my entire life.”

“Well, live another one. Just for one night.” She clasped her hands together and actually pouted. “Please.”

You sighed. “You don’t have anyone else to go with?”

She perked up and tossed her hair over her shoulder. “Oh, I do. I just want you to go with me. I want you to have fun for once. All you’ve done since you been here was work.”

Every single dollar and penny from your savings went to this store. It was your lifelong dream. And Nora—lovely, naïve Nora—had never needed to work for anything a day in her life. She meant well. She was never intentionally ignorant. But that didn’t make it any less frustrating. 

She also didn’t know of your time with Jungkook. It was embarrassing that he never called. It angered you that he called you beautiful and said he liked you only for it all to be false. Thank goodness you didn’t have sex with him. 

“I’ll have fun once I’m a millionaire or something,” you said to Nora.

She huffed. “I can find you someone to cover the shop for the night. You won’t even have to pay them. Please just come with me.”

“No. What if they steal something.”

She stared at you flatly. “Do you really think any of my friends—my friends—would steal? Let alone steal any of this stuff? No offense.” 

“Why do you want me to go so badly?”

“I already said. Fun. You know, music, drinks, guys.” She sang the last word and accompanied it with a little shimmy. 

“I have plenty of music and I can buy my own drinks.”

She slammed her hand against the counter top, startling you. “Stop being fucking difficult and come have some fun with me.”

So, grudgingly, you went. Albeit late because you didn’t trust anyone else to close the shop for you, but you went nonetheless. Nora did your makeup. Just glitter eyeshadow and a little eyeliner because you insisted you didn’t want much. And she picked out your outfit—a black lace bra, a crop top cardigan, and a pair of white shorts. 

“Because I can’t dress myself?” you grumbled, sliding on the clothes. 

“Exactly that. You dress too…hipster-y. You need to be hot for tonight.” 

You hadn’t worn that bra since you dated Namjoon. He was pretentious and arrogant and such a city boy it made you lightheaded. You met when he waltzed into the store shortly after you moved here. He smiled at you and you practically melted. The books were what he came for. He bought a Russian classic novel and at checkout, he discussed with you the allegory of sharing fruit in literature. He was eloquent and intelligent and so damn gorgeous you fell for him in that same moment. He scribbled his number on the receipt and told you to keep it. 

The relationship lasted for four months. He suggested you move into his high rise apartment downtown with him. It was a modern edifice, all glass and steel and money. He was the wealthiest person you had ever met in your life. And, stupidly, you were in love. 

And then you saw his text messages with some unfairly beautiful girl he followed on social media about how good she looked in his bed . He said he was lonely, that you worked too much, what else was he supposed to do? Needless to say, you left him. And you hadn’t seen him since. 

Now, Nora said to you, “And don’t think about wearing those fucking platform boots.”

“Why not?” you said, frowning. “They’re cute.”

“They look ridiculous. Like those boots that one goth girl from that cartoon you like wore.” 

You grinned, mischievous. “That’s exactly why I bought them.”

To Nora’s dismay, you wore the fucking platform boots. 

The party was in an underground venue. It wasn’t all red wine and an elaborate excuse to brag about money, like the gatherings Namjoon liked, it was edgy. A live band played pop punk on a stage, the lights in the place were dim save for the spotlights and the white Christmas lights behind the bar. Greasy pizza and liquor and neon lights. You brushed elbows with someone smoking a joint, and you were pretty sure someone was doing coke in the bathroom. 

Nora pulled you to the bar where she ordered herself a cocktail and you a craft beer. She knew you so well. 

There were so many people here. You mentally kicked yourself for not bringing flyers for your store. 

And then you saw him. Nora was talking your ear off about how hot the frontman for the band was and you almost choked on your beer. 

“Are you fucking kidding me?” you spat.

Nora blinked rapidly. “What? What happened?”

“This is why you brought me here. You cunt.” You didn’t mean to call her that. It wasn’t a word worn with frequent use in your vocabulary. In fact, you hated the word. But it was deserved in this situation. 

Namjoon. He was standing near the stage with a craft beer of his own in his hand, bobbing his head to the music. He didn’t like places like this. They were tacky to him. He didn’t even listen to this genre of music. What the hell was he doing here? 

The girl standing next to him turned to him and smiled. She was wearing lipstick as red as murder and her bob was so black it reflected the lights with an envious luster. She had a septum piercing, the two silver balls glittering in the low light like two tiny stars. That’s when it clicked. He was here because of her. She was that unfairly beautiful girl in his text messages. Your skin felt incandescent. 

“He had to see how hot you are. I thought you would enjoy shoving that in his face.” Lovely, naïve Nora. You wanted to slap her. 

You stood from the bar stool and set your craft beer on the bar. “I’m leaving now.”

Her face was slack with regret. Before she could form an apology, you turned and walked away. 

You were a few moments from the door when you heard your name. It wasn’t Nora. You stopped and your breath hitched. Your turned slowly, preparing to see Namjoon with that girl by his side but instead—

“Jungkook?”

His hair was black now and almost as shiny as that girl’s bob. It hung past his ears in gentle waves. He stood there in a baggy black shirt and jeans, his thumbs tucked into the front pockets. Silver bracelets draped from both wrists. In this lighting, he looked ethereal. Infernal. This couldn’t be the same man you shared a chimerical morning with. He looked like he had been created by the darkness of the city’s nights. 

Maybe it was just the hair. 

“Hi,” he said in the same way he did when he sat your table at the diner. It could’ve been mistaken as sheepishness, but his eyes were not meek. Besides the hair, you couldn’t figure out what was so different about him. 

Breathlessly, you said, “Hi.”

“You look nice.” 

Over his shoulder, you noticed Namjoon go to the bar. Nora scowled at him. He smiled amicably at her and his mouth moved, saying something. She froze, and her eyes immediately darted to you. Namjoon turned and saw you. And he started your way. 

“Are you okay?” Jungkook asked.

You should’ve ran out of the venue. There were a million other things you should’ve done, but instead you grabbed Jungkook and kissed him. 

Initially, he went rigid with shock, but he melted into the kiss. You felt him smile against your mouth. “Miss me that much?”

You pulled away. “I did not.” A glance over his shoulder and Namjoon was gone. You audibly exhaled. 

“What happened?” 

You ran a hand over your face. “Ex.”

“Ah,” he said. “Is that why you were leaving?”

“Yes. And now I’m going. Goodbye.” You whirled around, shoulders tense with embarrassment and headed for the stairs. 

“Wait.” He caught up to you on the stairs. “Can I go with?” There were small white string lights strung in the stairwell and the glow reflected in his eyes. They were so brown. 

“Don’t you have friends to be with?” Your phone buzzed in your back pocket with an incoming text message. Most likely your own friend dying to know who the guy you just kissed was. You ignored it. 

“They’ll be fine.” He grinned. 

“Okay,” you said, feeling yourself smile as well.

There was no destination, but you ended up at a park, sitting beside each other on a swing set. Your feet dragged in the wood chips as you pushed yourself back and forth slowly. He looked up at the night sky and sighed. “Do you want to know why I hadn’t called?”

You just looked at him. 

“This may sound like a corny excuse, but… I was afraid of what you would think of me.”

Your eyebrows furrowed. “What do you mean?”

He hesitated before saying, “If we continued seeing each other, you would eventually find out that I’m not a freelance artist. I do paint, but that’s not what I do.”

You could feel your heartbeat gradually speeding its pace. “What do you do?” His eyes fell down to his hands. He turned them over, studying the lines in his palms. His hair slipped over his eyes. He was a portrait of affliction. “I’m a Lost Boy.”

You didn’t understand. He noticed your silence and looked up at you. “The Lost Boys. This city is practically run by them.” He corrected himself, “Ran by us.” He stopped, closed his eyes, and sighed. “I’m in a gang.”

Your voice was a whisper. “What?”  

He quickly added, “If you no longer want to associate with me, I understand. They’re—we’re—dangerous. I mean, even if you haven’t heard of us, you know us. The leather jackets, the vandalism, the fights. That venue is owned by us. The drugs at that event were supplied by us. That band playing is in our pockets. My apartment is paid by dirty money.” He laughed quietly to himself then, almost pityingly. 

The night air around you was thick with your own dread. “Is being around you dangerous?” You hadn’t meant for your voice to sound so small.

“I won’t hurt you, if that’s what you’re asking.” You could hear the unsaid “but” in his tone. 

“But what?” you prompted.

He chewed on his lip. A dimple in his left cheek appeared. “I won’t hurt you, but I can’t promise your safety. If you do decide to be around me.”

--

[theji]

Things Yizhan Made Me Do

It's BXG Day today! 🐢💛

To commemorate the occasion, I thought of making a list of 13 out-of-character things that I've done since falling into the fandom. (OK I'm a bit late I meant to do this sooner, the day is ending soon in a couple of hours).

1. Start a blog

And a public one, no less. I had a blog when I was in my teens but that was private, like a personal diary. My day job already involves writing so off-work I would usually like to indulge in mindless activities. Now, here I am, maintaining a Yizhan blog. I have not even used Tumblr prior to this but I'm enjoying it now, rambling about our fav boys. Writing is not a chore if it's about them.

2. Join a fandom

I joined a boy band fan club once upon a time, some 15 years ago, but I was never as invested in it as I am now with Yizhan. Back then it was just buying some merch, attending their concert/autograph sessions, listening to their songs. Apart from work, dog mum duties, personal relationships, other hobbies like kombucha brewing, most of my free time is now spent on the fandom. My Netflix account is crying. There is just so much to do and catch up on (I'm not complaining). I also enjoy interacting with and learning from other bloggers here. Antis are no fun and some industry news/developments/hate messages are upsetting but ultimately, you curate your own fandom experience. And I choose positivity and rationality.

3. Indulge in RPS

I don't ever 'ship'. What is 'ship'? 😆 I was always a dutiful audience, just enjoying whatever drama series and moving on after that. I started with CQL like most people and I didn't even notice/like GGDD until much later. Didn't even set out to 'ship' anyone but now I'm a self-professed turtle. SZD is SZD, and anyone can see something special between them if you keep an open mind. I wrote about my SZD reasons here previously. That said, GG & DD are individuals, each with their own successful careers. They come first, the ship comes second. That I'm very clear of.

4. Use Chinese apps

Gosh, my phone and tablet are now full of Chinese apps. I used to have only WeChat cos I needed it for work but now I have Weibo, Oasis, Douyin, WeTV, MangoTV, Youku, etc. Some of them are not even available in the app store so I had to find alternative sources to download them. haha..I even have paid membership for some of these apps. And now, browsing Weibo daily becomes a routine. If you wish, you can just get stuck browsing Weibo for a long long time. It's entertaining.

5. Read fan fic

I only started about 6 months ago but now I'm hooked and fics are largely the only thing I read these days, apart from news. But I only read Yizhan or WangXian fics (p.s. calling for fic recs of other pairings!) I know some might have different feelings about fan fics but to me, I really just see them as fiction, with characters (and sometimes traits) bearing similarities to GGDD. Similarly, I separate the platform from the incident so I have no problems going to A03 despite GG's incident. I just enjoy seeing the characters named XZ/WYB having happy endings in many different timelines and universes. While most of the fics I read are explicit (by design), I don't use them as tools to play out certain fantasies or to think of GGDD in a sexual manner. In fact, I really hate fics that have little substance and just go into the explicit parts without plot development. I like those with interesting premises too, like one I read recently where XZ is a serial killer and WYB is a police officer investigating the case but also in love with him. I do have plans to share my list of fav fan fics some time down the road so keep an eye out for it!

6. Willingly read Chinese

Yes, Chinese may be my mother tongue but I don't use it much in daily living unless I have to. I also find it tedious to read Chinese cos the characters are just so squashed together. If I have a choice, I will always pick English. But now, I read so much Chinese from my daily weibo browsing. I even read fan fics in Chinese! Who am I? On the plus side, I think my Chinese comprehension and translation skills improved. I also picked up some internet lingo used by Chinese netizens, which are pretty interesting like doi, 🐮🍺, 🖍. My all-time fav is yyds.

7. Act like a cougar

In real life, I have always maintained that younger men are childish. At least those I have encountered. But look at me now, fangirling over two younger men (I am closer in age to GG, but still..). I even jokingly call them my 'China Boyfriends'. I look at them very respectfully most of the time.

8. Buy merch

Seriously, once you start, you can't stop. At least that was what happened to me, although I'm still quite selective when it comes to supporting their endorsements. I usually go for consumables like food, cosmetics vs collectibles cos I'm more practical. Also, GG says to support their merch within reasonable means so that's what I'm doing. Just buying things that I'm interested to try and not because it has their faces or names slapped on it. In a way, this suits me cos I like trying new brands and stuff anyway.

9. Keeping a Yizhan archive

Photos, weblinks, videos, songs, fan fics list..my phone is full of these things now. I think my Yizhan photo gallery is only second to the folder with my dogs' pictures. But how can you resist when we are blessed with new pics of them almost every week?

10. Camp for livestreams

I'm lucky I live in the same time zone as the boys so I don't have to wake up in the wee hours of the morning just to watch something. But that's the thing, being in the same time zone sometimes make me feel like I HAVE to watch that thing live because, why not? Why wait? Not shy to admit that I once watched a live programme in the middle of work but I made sure I finished what needed to be done. I think so long as we don't let these livestream schedules run our lives, there's no harm in camping for them.

11. Watch c entertainment

I am one of those who used to pass over Chinese productions, simply because it's a Chinese production. Not in a scoffing manner but I'm just genuinely not interested in them nor the celebs. I was more of a US/UK production kind of person, occasionally Korean/Japanese. Now, I'm learning to enjoy them although I just watch those with GGDD in them. No energy to follow other Chinese celebs anyway. The other programme I'm contemplating watching even if it doesn't have them in it is Who's the Murderer (GG was only in one of the cases) cos I like the premise. On the flip side, now my sis and partner keep making fun of me cos to them, all I do now is "watch China shows". That is so not true. Or is it?

12. Write fan mail

I wrote a letter to GG once. A long-ass letter. I hope he read it. That's all I'm gonna say. 🙈 hahahahaha

13. Desire to visit China

China was never on my list of to-visit places. Just wasn't interested. I have been to Beijing, Shanghai, Guangzhou a few times in the past for work but even then, I never felt the urge to revisit for leisure. Now, I wanna visit GG and DD's home town, visit Chongqing to see the graffiti wall with Bobii Zanbii on it, eat mala hotpot and try out their sauce recipe, attend BXG events, dine at the CQL restaurant... Watching TTXS also made me realise that there are many beautiful places in China with natural landscapes and all that. I used to be clouded by my disdain for the regime and some behaviour of its citizens but now, I recognise that the country is separate from the regime or a smaller group of poorly behaved citizens. China is a beautiful country and I would love to visit some day. I will fly over immediately on my own if someone gives me tix to ADLAD!!

Well, I hope some of these things resonate with you. Feel free to share the OOC things that Yizhan made you do.

Once again, Happy BXG Day! 🐢💛🐆🐇🐷🌶🦁🍑🐶🍍🛹🎋

[erodasghosts]

memories & misconceptions | harry styles

prologue: the summer flashback

↳ read Thea’s version (tom holland fic) by @peeterparkr​

song: adore you - harry styles

after months of working on this with nancy (@peeterparkr) i am very excited to be posting the first part of our new conjoined series. this will be two seperate fics, telling two different stories. they are each reader inserts, but the harry reader in the tom fic is named kat, and the tom reader in this fic is called thea (if that makes sense?) so you kind of get to pick which you want to focus in on more :) but to get the full experience read both!

story summary: Not every relationship can last forever, but what decides when it ends? Is it the memories of when things were, or is it the misconceptions of the present. What is stronger in matters of the heart when love and friendship becomes a choice? Does pride dim our devotion enough for it to be forsaken?

And is obstinacy strong enough to erase the memory of a hopeful summer night? When a group of friends are reunited after years of unspoken truths and turbulent grudges,  old arguments and fights might ricochet, and though their history might be dense enough to drown them, it might be the one thing to keep them afloat. 

prologue summary: the beginning of what was thought to be an endless love, and of the distance that would only grow further.

pairing: harry styles x artist!reader

warnings: none?

word count: ~9.3k

a/n: i hope you enjoy, and please give any feedback!

story masterlist

next chapter

masterlist

The wind brushed in through Harry’s bedroom window, pushing on the curtains with a calm and warm air. Summer always seemed so distant or quick to end, never stuck too long in the heat of it.

Summer struck you similarly to a craving that one can’t quite shake. People seem to dream of summer when finding themselves in the cold winter snow, yet wishing they could have just one last summer night when it is coming to an end. But summer was never meant to last for an eternity, and there were definitely things that no one wouldn’t miss when it did finally end.

Summer, though with its pleasant sunny days and warm nights, is about much more than just its weather. It was the time to be surrounded by friends, and an opportunity to feel that you had a supportive family. This was when lonely nights felt less empty, because you at least had the endless opportunities to see everyone together.

It was when new beginnings seemed to take place. There was a sense of security and possibly even courage that was placed within you at this time, allowing you to take some chances you might never risk otherwise. Even if summer wasn’t forever, and even if that courage would fade, you would try to take it in as if it was never ending. It was more beneficial and less damaging to just accept things as they came.

With the opportunity for new beginnings, you wondered what possibilities still would lie ahead. And not just for yourself, but your friends as well. You thought that maybe now, with summer getting closer to its end, you could find some of that temporary courage to use between yourself and Harry, and maybe Thea or Tom would find some for one another. Because if there was ever a time to take a chance in a new relationship it would be now.

“We’re playing this new song at Nana’s tonight,” Harry’s voice softly spoke above the flow of the wind, “I’m a bit nervous about it, we’ve only ever practiced it together...” he took a breath in. “It’s a great song, of course, because I wrote it,” he grinned, “but do you mind if I play it and you can tell me what you think?”

You smiled, looking up at him as you laid back on his bed, he was biting his lip anxiously. “Of course. I’m sure it’ll be great, I’m happy to help you still.”

He was sat beside you, one leg over the edge and holding his old guitar he used when writing songs. “Well, I’ve been working on it for a while,” he began to strum lightly with a quiet laughter, “just think of how much work and dedication I’ve put into this before being too harsh.”

“Oh, of course,” you laughed and placed a finger on your temple, “I’ll keep note of that as I’m judging.”

“Good,” he continued to play, nodding lightly. “But really, if you think it’s just complete garbage, keep that to yourself? My ego can’t take the damage of you not liking it.”

You propped your feet up on the headboard and raised a brow at him, “Are you ever going to start singing?”

“I am,” he chuckled.

Harry and Tom had tested out all of their songs with you and the others before playing to anyone else, using that to work out any changes they might want to make. Thea usually had more input, considering she had helped them write many of the songs they played. You and Andrew were still always happy to listen, and had some helpful feedback from just a listener's perspective.

You looked out the window, settling in as he cleared his throat to prepare. It was unclear as to why he was suddenly so anxious about playing a song for you, but you had decided to just patiently wait to listen.

“Be kind with your feedback,” He looked over.

Hitting his leg you scoffed, “For Christ's sake, Harry, sing.”

“Alright, alright,” he caved, still with a boyish smile.

Resting your hands on your stomach, you waited for him to finally start. He was turned back, looking down at the guitar and strumming with more intent now. Whatever the song, you figured it would be good considering his nerves. It must’ve been something important to him, since he had worked on it for so long and was so hesitant to actually share it. You wouldn’t push.

He took in a last calming breath before beginning. “Walk in your rainbow paradise,” his voice was quiet, “strawberry lipstick state of mind.”

It sounded smooth, tranquil. Mixed with the breeze and the soft echoing of conversations downstairs, the song and his singing felt so natural, as much as the sun felt natural when kissing your skin.

“I get so lost inside your eyes,” he smiled back at you. “Would you believe it?”

Feeling yourself tense up a bit, you suddenly found yourself putting more care into listening well to the lyrics. It must’ve meant something to him, with his nerves and all, so you wanted to give it more attention.

“You don’t have to say you love me, you don’t have to say nothin’, you don’t have to say you’re mine.”

His shoulders were more relaxed now, though there still seemed to be some tension. Every few seconds you noticed him glancing over at you, awaiting your reactions to each lyric. You were unsure of your own reactions, not wanting to give much of one in the case that your assumptions might be false.

But what else was there to assume about it all? Every piece of the song gave the impression that it was carefully crafted to be about one person in particular, and you nearly didn’t dare to imagine it could’ve been about you.

You recalled a conversation with Thea from just days ago, about a fear you had when it came to Harry. He and Thea were so much louder, and much more open than you had ever considered yourself to be. And so you had known about your feelings towards Harry for a good while at this point, but those had yet to be shared with him.

It was this fear of what saying it out loud might mean, how it could make things change. It was summer now, though, and those fears were meant to fizzle out with the cold winter weather and the rainy spring days. Summer was your opportunity to take the chance in saying it now.

“Oh, honey, I’d walk through fire for you. Just let me adore you, like it’s the only thing I’ll ever do.”

Maybe you wouldn’t admit your feelings at this exact moment, but soon. With more effect than summer was having, the words he sang seemed to give you a boost of confidence. What was the worst that could happen in assuming that it was about you?

Though less dramatic to the nod to your struggle with telling him how you felt, even the lyric about lipstick had been fitting for you. And, sure, it still could be considered a generic thing, but you were choosing to be optimistic now.

“You don’t have to say you love me, I just wanna tell you somethin’. Lately you’ve been on my mind.”

Feeling a burning in your cheeks now, you sat up to readjust yourself as casually as you could. Your backs facing one another, and shoulders side by side, Harry continued on. You could’ve sworn there was a pink tint on his cheeks too, causing a faint smile to form on your lips.

How in character of him to be saying these things through a song. It was probably feeding into his need to be theatrical, though he was still mindful of your own need to be more secluded as he sang with just the two of you there.

His anxiousness about playing it for you was making more sense now, because regardless of who it was about it was deeply personal. But his nerves were rarely so affected, it only proves acceptable to assume that he was in such worry because he was sharing something that was meant for you, with you.  

Coming to an end, Harry cleared his throat and sat his guitar down beside him. “So, uh,” he brushed his nose, “what’d you think?”

With a puckish smile you replied, “It was… colourless.”

“What?” He turned himself, crossing his legs and leaning closer nervily. “What-what do you mean colourless?”

“Well,” you pursed your lips, “I guess I just… it’s a bit…”

“A bit what?” He pressed, “C’mon, I’ve been terrified of playing this for you.”

You smiled, looking at your hands and twisting your rings around, “I would say that it was a bit on the nose.”

You could see him visibly relaxing, a small smile on his lips and his usual confidence returning.

“I wanted to be straight to the point with this song, y’know?” He sat taller, “Figured that I should say it as it is, get my message across… but that doesn’t make it colourless,” he emphasized with an amusing grin. “That was just rude.”

“You asked for my opinion,” you shrugged, holding back a laugh.

“I wasn’t expecting you to say that, though!” He laughed.

The sun peeked in through the window above the bed, warming your skin in some sort of a comforting way. Any tension or nerves had been eased, and the both of you were simply melting into that moment now.

Silence was something that tasted so sweet when it was shared with Harry, yet it was so sour when alone. It wasn’t a panic or worry of what might happen next, but instead it was more like a reassurance that whatever might happen, it would be golden.

“I’ll try to be compassionate next time.” You let out a dramatic puff of air, “Though it’ll be rather difficult for me, I’m sure.”

Harry reached over, a doting look in his eyes, and caringly tucked a bit of your hair behind your ear. “I would appreciate any effort you could put in, my heart can’t seem to handle the brutal honesty.”

Knees rested against one another’s, Harry let his hand settle on your leg just below where your own hand had been lying. Maybe it was much more like fiction or fantasy than you had ever really wished for, though Thea would adore hearing about that part of it later, but it came so easily.

Fingers grazing delicately, Harry was leaning closer in. Taking the chance now, right at the end of summer, was a somewhat terrifying option. Yes, it was still your opportunity for a new beginning, but time was running out. If things wouldn’t work out, where would that put you in the fall?

It didn’t really matter to you anymore, that what if possibility. You were far too distracted by what was in front of you right now to be worrying so much about the future. Whatever may happen before the seasons changed, you would deal with it when it came.

Tracing his fingers up along your arm, Harry’s eyes flickered between your eyes and lips. Letting his hand rest now on your cheek, you could feel your face warming back into a blush. You both closed your eyes as you were nearing into a kiss, only inches away.

Your summer courage was coming back through, pushing you to close the space between.

“Guys, I’ve got some shit news!” Andrew’s voice rang from the stairs before he rudely shoved the door open.

You pulled back from Harry quickly, that feeling of security seeming to fade. Harry bit his lip, a small frown on his face from Andrew barging in. Andrew hadn’t known, but he very well could’ve squashed that new opportunity had you and Harry not been so determined already.

“Is no one going to ask what my news is?” Andrew sat dramatically at the end of the bed.

Harry chuckled, “What’s your news?”

“Oh, thank you so much for asking, Harry. Glad to hear you’re interested.” He cleared his throat, straightening his posture and holding a theatrical tone. “Thea’s invited Dickolas to the show tonight.”

Sharing a glance with Harry, you were both a bit annoyed that that was all that was interrupting the two of you. Which, that was bad enough news so you could somewhat understand his urgency. Still, it came as an inconvenience to how things were finally developing with Harry.

Regardless, Andrew was likely there to stay now and he had pretty well ruined the moment you had before, so you’d hopefully pick it up later.

“She invited him?” You turned yourself around, letting your legs dangle from the edge of his bed. “Why the fuck would she invite Nick?”

“Something about… needing a bigger crowd, which is true, but…” Andrew scrunched his nose, “Dickolas? He will just ruin everything.”

“I s’pose he will,” Harry mumbled, he seemed more sulky than you had been. “You’re here a bit early?”

“By like… five minutes,” Andrew chuckled, “what’s crawled up your ass? Did I interrupt something?” He wiggled his brows, “Were you two finally making a move on each other?”

You wondered if Andrew ever got tired of being invasive, though you hadn’t really minded him all that much. He seemed to be the only one in the group that could always call the rest of you out, which was a bit of an annoyance.

His childish comment had actually left you a bit embarrassed, considering how new that occurrence still was. It was typically so easy to get under your skin, but something about Harry made you cave any time that sort of teasing had to do with him.

“Piss off,” you hit Andrew’s shoulder. “We should be leaving to help Nana at the cafe anyway.”

Harry watched sorrowfully as you stood from the bed, “Oh, you guys should go ahead, I still have to get ready.”

It was as if he was remembering something last minute, some reason that he needed to stay.

“You sure?” You picked up your purse, “We could stay with you.”

“Andrew can keep me company,” he smiled widely, clapping a hand on Andrew’s shoulder. “We won’t be far behind.”

“Thank you for volunteering me,” Andrew jested.

It was a bit odd. Harry could take a great deal of time getting ready on occasion, but you didn’t really see the need for tonight. Really, you already thought he would’ve been ready to leave just as he was. It wasn’t something to make a fuss about, though, and you figured you might easily over think it if you sat on the idea for too long, wondering if it might have something to do with the song and kiss.

Ignoring Andrew, Harry stood to follow after you as you left. “Hey, I’m…” his voice was low, “sorry about him interrupting. We should talk more after the show?”

“That’d be great,” you smiled and lazily looked through your purse. “I can give you more feedback about that colourless song of yours.” You joked, testing to see how things left off.

He smiled, leaning against his door frame. “Maybe some kinder feedback this time?”

“Possibly,” you gave a devilish smile. “There were definitely parts of it that stuck, though. It’s an absolutely terrific song…” Pulling a tube of strawberry lipstick from your purse, you placed it carefully in Harry’s hand, “for being so straightforward.”

Glancing down to his hand, he closed his fingers carefully around the tube. “Straightforward seems to be getting me somewhere, so I will take that as a compliment.”

This was the perfect season to convince yourself to go through with any action you might have feared otherwise. Harry had taken advantage of that with his song, and now you were stepping forward too even if it was just with lipstick. But that had seemed to be enough for him.

“Will you be cheering me on?” He had a melodramatic pout, “With such a small crowd watching us play I can use an extra amount of your support, less people to cheer me on and such.”

“Didn’t you hear?” You smiled teasingly, “Dickolas might be showing, he could bring in an entire herd of people, you know. You won’t need my support anymore when you’ve got an entire crowd watching.”

“I’d rather drop the band entirely than have support from Dickolas,” he scrunched his nose. “What would that say about Pandora’s Signs if we attracted people like him?”

Pandora’s Signs. Such a corny name Harry and Tom had chosen for their band.

Andrew peaked over Harry’s shoulder, “Are you two wrapping this up so Harry can actually be ready on time? Would be nice if he wasn’t late to his own show for once.”

Harry rolled his eyes, pushing Andrew back without even turning to face him. “We’ll be fine, don’t worry about it.” He pressed another smile towards you, “Not that Andrew is right or anything, but I probably should start getting ready.”

You could hear Andrew mumbling to himself as he went back to entertaining himself, already annoyed by Harry. Why he had put up with Harry, or the rest of you for that matter you would never understand. Andrew had just been a very patient person, you thought.

“Andrew is absolutely right, you’re almost always late.” And he had been, even if just by a few minutes. “I probably should be leaving now.”

Though knowing he should let you go, he wanted to grasp onto every second he could get.

“So that whole… moment has really ended, then?” He reached for the door knob, slowly pulling it further shut for a bit more of privacy from Andrew.

“I suppose it ended when you decided not to lock the door beforehand,” you joked, gently placing a soft kiss on his cheek. “I’ll see you at the cafe.”

It wasn’t exactly the type of kiss either of you were hoping for, but you could settle. Harry had a cheeky smile, gently squeezing the lipstick you had given him as you left. You had been waiting to see how things would play out between the two of you, and reality seemed to be turning out better than you had ever imagined.

You were thanking the burst of summer confidence, an excitement filling your stomach as you made your way downstairs. Thea would be the first person you’d tell, you thought she probably couldn’t wait to hear it all. You had been gushing to her for weeks about Harry, and Thea had always so carefully listened. She had likely been a huge factor to where your confidence with him was coming from too, always the first to support your feelings of him.

And you had tried your best to do the same for her, even as you struggled a bit more to show your enthusiasm. It made you question how things had been going between her and Tom, especially since you had started helping him to catch more of Thea’s attention. You had known about her feelings for him for some time, and his feelings for her were becoming increasingly more obvious.

As hopeful as you were about the two of them, it seemed to be taking them much longer to get together than it had been taking you and Harry, even if the events surrounding the song were new. Tom had struggled to just be more upfront about his feelings, nervous of what she might say. And, for once, Thea was equally as anxious.

But maybe they had gotten further while you were up with Harry, summer could’ve been helping them just as much.

“Because it’s Dickolas Thea, he…” Tom’s voice came from the kitchen, sounding annoyed and a bit disappointed. “He is a dick.”

“And you aren’t?” Thea spat back quickly.

Or maybe summer wouldn’t be helping those two at all. What reason would they have for fighting? And why would they choose Nick, of anyone, to fight about?

“I mean, they both are dicks.” You turned into the room, agreeing with Thea promptly. “Why would we want to put up with two dicks?”

Thea froze up, turning her gaze towards you now. She seemed fairly taken back by seeing you, maybe just not expecting you to so suddenly walk in as they fought. But there was this look in her eyes, one that nearly seemed hurt just when seeing you.

“Oh, haven’t thought about that,” she pondered before saying coldly, “then Tom doesn’t have to come.” A simple solution, then there wouldn’t be two dicks attending the show.

“It's literally my band?” Tom glared at her. They had seemed so hostile with one another.

“Maybe so but Thea makes a point,” you shrugged. Looking over to Thea with a smile you said,  “Seems like an even trade with them.”

You made your way to stand beside her, crossing your arms with a placid grin. Whatever was going on between them, you figured you would have agreed with your best friend over Tom. Though you were close friends with him too, he could be a bit dim. Besides, you still figured that it was only a childish fight between them, not that any of it was being taken seriously.

“See?” Thea smirked, tilting her head mockingly. “Besides, I really do think that more people seeing you guys would be better, I don’t think a bunch of old farts is a great audience for your wanna be farty band.” She was right, honestly. They could use a better audience. “Anyway, I need to… go talk to Harry.”

Thea was making her way out, leaving you in more confusion and Tom was left in anger, it appeared. Though you thought, too, that he seemed a bit hurt by what she had said, specifically about the band. The fight didn’t seem to be as petty as you initially thought anymore. The realization that it might be serious between them made a bit of your joy leave, and you now were anxiously observing them trying to figure out what was going on.

“About what, exactly?” Tom asked, nearly walking to follow before stopping himself.

“The power of friendship.” Thea replied callously without stopping.

“Are you two…” you glanced between them, “okay?”

“No, thanks for asking,” Thea said easily. “See you there, my great friend,” she smiled at you before turning back to a frown, “and Tom.”

Watching as she left, you were utterly lost. Things were not at all similar to how you had hoped they were between them, and it was much different than the vibes between you and Harry just minutes before. What had you just watched? And what had happened beforehand to lead to it? Surely it had to do with much more than just Nicholas.

“What the fuck did you say to her?” You glared towards Tom, feeling stronger about defending Thea than him. Thea was never so petty without reason. You followed after her, “Wait, Thea, what’s going on?”

“What?” She was making her way upstairs. “Nothing, he’s just being an idiot…” it was odd for her to deflect. “Wait what’s… What happened with Harry? Why are you blushing? Did you kiss?”

“Wait, what? I’m…” you brushed your fingers across your cheeks, feeling a smile reappearing as you thought of what had happened. You were still excited to let her know, but that wasn’t what was more important at the moment. “No, we didn’t kiss, but…”

“But?” Thea was grinning widely, just as excited as you had been.

It had nearly been enough to distract you from whatever it was she was so harshly avoiding. What happened with Harry felt so unbelievable, the perfect sort of storybook thing that Thea had always gushed about. And even if it had so abruptly ended, you were excited to imagine where it might go from there, and you knew that Thea would have a few ideas to imagine out with you.

You shook your head lightly, more concerned about her and Tom. “You’re just avoiding whatever happened with Tom.”

“Nothing happened,” Thea insisted. It didn’t seem true, “But you’re the one avoiding whatever happened with Harry, please!” She shifted the focus again. “You guys were there for about… an eternity, what happened? You’re smiling like an idiot.”

She was right, you still were. You really were trying your best to hide it, but the feeling was too lively for you to just block it off.

“I am not avoiding it, I’m actually happy to share but I’m just concerned for you…” Which was true, but her distractions were slowly working. “Was I really blushing, though?”

“Well, what happened?” She nudged your arm.

Would it be bad of you to just let it go? You didn’t want to push her, but she seemed really upset about something. Letting it go for the moment seemed to be best, you could ask her about it again later, and maybe then she would be more prepared to talk.

“I’m expecting to hear about Tom later, but…” you caved, letting yourself smile excitedly again, “Harry wrote this new song, and he was playing it for me… he seemed pretty nervous to share, and I guess it… I mean, it seemed to… be about me?”

It had sounded so over-the-top as you said it out loud, but even just the memory of it was stirring up the butterflies in your stomach. You were still processing it, honestly, and it was just too enthralling.

Thea must’ve agreed on that, because all she could seem to do was let out an entirely thrilled scream. You laughed a bit at her reaction, almost wanting to shy away from the attention but being far too ecstatic to do so.

“And?” She asked you, a shine in her eyes now. “What did you do?”

“I… I mean, we were close to kissing before Andrew had interrupted…” you admitted, “and then on my way out I gave him my lipstick, like he had mentioned in the song.” You glanced at her, waiting for her reaction.

“Shut up,” Thea smiled, “you should’ve bloody kissed him in the moment you twit!”

“I know, and we had been so close!” Regrettably close, because it hadn’t happened.

“And how do you feel about this?” She asked, stepping closer to you as she went on. “Are you finally admitting it? That you fancy his stupid ass?”

Now that you might never admit, because what a shame it might be. You had admitted it, to yourself and very indirectly to Thea only once before. You didn’t really need to say it for her to know, it had been very plain to see, but she still had to tease.

You had been telling her all about him for weeks, though most of it she knew herself from being his friend too. But there were things you had learned about him no one else knew yet, though some of the things were small. Harry was interesting to you, and it was easy to learn more about him because he had always wanted all eyes on him.

“Well I never said that, did I?” You joked. “And I could’ve chosen much worse, like Tom or something.”

That struck a nerve in her, her eyes going a bit cold again. “Fuck him.”

You raised your brows, shocked by her response since she had rarely used such words. “So you’re cussing now, what happened?”

As excited as you were to be sharing everything that happened with Harry, wanting to go on and on about it, really, you couldn’t help but be brought back to noticing whatever was happening with her. If something happened, you would’ve rather talked about that than go on about your own more positive experience.

Thea never wanted to take away from your happiness, or anyone’s for that matter. “What happened is that you almost kissed Harry and you’re being stupid and avoiding it.” Which neither of you believed. “So, what’s up with that?”

“Hmm, sure, that’s all.” You weren’t convinced, how could you be? If you kept pushing, though, you worried what her reaction might be. “But I don’t mean to avoid it, for once, it’s just that Andrew came in. After the show, though, maybe I can get my lipstick back from him, you know?”

“I’m pretty sure he wanted the lipstick,” she began, a smirk on her lips, “so then, how about when he gives it back, you use it so he can actually taste it.”

Thea had her lips puckered, leaning towards you as she made kissing noises. You were trying your best not to laugh, wanting to avoid her comment entirely.

“Anyway, I’ll tell you how that goes!” You cleared your throat, “You’re sure you don’t want to ride with Tom and I?”  

“I’d rather jump off a cliff,” she rolled her eyes, quick to change moods again. “No… I’m joking, I…” Thea pressed her eyes shut, “I just need to talk to Harry about one of the songs… But I’ll see you guys there.”

“Uhm,” your lips pressed together, “yeah, alright.”

Thea looked over your face, noticing your response and worrying that she sounded too cold.

“Yeah, and if you get the chance, please break his neck.” She smiled lightly again, trying to brighten your mood.

It was false, a faulty wall she was putting up so you’d let it go. You could understand not wanting to talk about whatever it was, but it was a little odd that she was acting so withdrawn. And you had recognized her need to please people, so the fact that she kept changing it back to you and Harry wasn’t much of a surprise, though it still hurt in a way. Like she hadn’t trusted you enough to tell you what it was.

You figured it was a worry more in your mind, and you wouldn’t overreact just yet. “I’d take any excuse to do that,” you smiled back, “but I do expect an explanation once I’ve done it.” A subtle way of trying to make it an easier topic maybe.

“It’s nothing, y/n.” She said quickly. “See you in a bit.”

With another faux smile, Thea turned back and made her way up the stairs. Maybe you had pushed her too much. You had noticed that she didn’t want to talk about it, and you were angry with yourself for not just letting it go. But, you recognized too that you were only trying to help her. You were concerned about not just her, but Tom too really.

It didn’t make sense that they were fighting then, and that it had been bad enough for Thea to just walk away. That hadn’t been the worst of it, you would’ve known if it was. Whatever the worst part was had something to do with so much more than just you, or even Dickolas.

You still wanted to help them, and although Thea hadn’t been so open to accepting your help, maybe Tom could use it. You did still side more with Thea on it, having no background on the situation, but it couldn’t hurt to ask him for his side of the story.

Trying to shake off your last exchange with Thea, you went back to the kitchen to talk with Tom.

“Were you really that bothered by her inviting Nick?” You chuckled, “I mean, I don’t blame you for being pissed about it, seeing as how crusty he is, but it did seem that you were being a bit dramatic.”

Tom was running a hand down his face, leaning against the counter and sitting in his own bit of pity.

“Nicholas is… he’s an urchin and I don’t want him at my show,” he complained. “She just… decided to invite him out of the blue, like it was nothing.

“The show is open to the public,” you pointed out. “And Thea can invite whoever she wants, even Dickolas.”

“Yes, but why did she choose him?” He asked tiredly. “It was like she did it just to be against me, you know?”

“Don’t be so self centered.”

“You weren’t there when she invited him,” he retorted. He was quick to be so defensive, just as Thea had been. “She… she doesn’t even like him, but you know who does? Her bloody father.”

Your brows knitted together, “What does that have to do with it?”

It was true, that Thea hadn’t even liked Nick yet her father had. But her father hadn’t liked Tom or Harry, which didn’t seem to make much sense to you knowing what you had about Nicholas.

“She probably just invited him to please her father,” Tom explained, pushing off the edge of the counter, “And if he shows, at least she’ll be spending time with someone her father actually approves of, and if not she still tried.”

Thea was known to be a people pleaser, you couldn’t deny that. And she had often done things just for her father’s approval, so he was right in that sense too. But it wasn’t of malicious intent, or at least not often.

You had probably known more on the topic than Tom, considering how much longer you knew Thea and just the types of relationships you each had with her, so you knew that deep down her reasoning wasn’t just to get back at Tom. You hadn’t witnessed their fight, or her inviting Nick, but you knew Thea.

“Which do you think it is then?” You asked him, pressing your lips together. “Is it that she did it to go against you, or she did it because her father likes Nick?”

He looked at you, somewhat dumbfounded by your question. “Both,” he replied. “He has always preferred Dickolas over me, and she was just taking the opportunity to… to hit two birds with one stone. Inviting him would make her father happy, and she was being petty and trying to get back at me for before.”

“Before?” You asked, growing more and more curious. “What happened before?”

Tom’s gaze snapped to meet yours, as if he was suddenly remembering that you were actually there talking with him and he wasn’t just ranting about to himself. He had said too much, or at least much more than he was hoping to say at this point.

“No, nothing, it’s…” his mind was scrambled. “Maybe, well, maybe I’ll tell you about it later? We should just enjoy tonight, shouldn’t we? We’ve got a show to get to.”

A sudden change in his tone, Tom was guiding you outside with him to his car. You had actually been getting answers about whatever happened, and now he was just avoiding it as plainly as Thea. Prying did no good, so you thought it would just be better to drop it now before he too might get more defensive on the matter.

The fight that happened between them was something that they wanted you to think was nothing. They wanted you to believe it was petty, and that it could be let go of quickly. But if that were the truth of it, Thea would’ve just told you what had happened, and Tom would’ve too even if just to complain. You knew them, and you knew that it was more than they cared to admit.

You also knew that trying to force either of them to talk about it would only make the situation worse. They would become defensive, and they would possibly shut you out entirely. But, if they were ready to talk about it then they would. What worried you, though, was imagining when they might finally be ready, if ever.

Riding to the cafe with Tom, the sun seemed ever so slightly dimmer than it had been before. The breeze was still blowing the same, but the warmth in the air seemed to be fading.

“I’m sorry about all of that back there, with Thea and all.” Tom said meekly. “It was a stupid fight, and I guess I’m just sorry you caught the end of it.”

Maybe you’d get to figure out more about it sooner than you thought.

“It seemed like your usual joking banter, just…” you thought, “a different tone.”

He scoffed lightly to himself, “We had been arguing before, and then she invited Nick which just seemed to make things worse.”

“So I’ve figured out,” you chuckled. “But what in the world had the two of you so torn up?”

Tom sighed, pausing to think before saying anything more. He still seemed to have an endless rush of thoughts going through, and you could almost see him trying to figure out which to focus on first. It was like he was trying to be careful with what he said, possibly avoiding any more conflict like before.

“We were just talking about…” he took a long breath in, he seemed nervous.

It was a type of anxiousness you had seen before, though having not yet connected it. He was talking so softly, and there was a light touch of pink across his cheeks. Why had he cared so much about whatever Thea’s father thought, and even about her inviting Nick?

You had known about his crush on her, and maybe that had something to do with it. His nervousness would explain that, and so would his total confusion as to the thing with Nick too.

“Wait,” you were grinning ear to ear. “Did you… did you finally tell her about your crush on her?” If he had, why was she so upset? “How did you manage to fuck that up?”

“I didn’t,” he said quickly. “I didn’t tell her that.”

You frowned, “Oh?”

“No, I…” he licked his lips, “I told her that I liked you.”

What?

Tom was glancing at you, trying to take in your reaction, but you didn’t have much of one. You couldn’t really process what he said, because it was completely out of pocket.

“What… What do you mean?” You turned to him.

“I told her that I like you,” he repeated, as if that would help. “I said I liked you, and that I thought we were a good match. And, I mean, we’ve been getting closer so I thought that maybe…”

“You’re joking,” you shook your head.

“No,” he had a nervous laugh, “I’m not.”

What was he trying to get out of this? Was it some stupid joke? Was it just to mess with you after the song and all with Harry? You wondered if maybe it was some stupid test he was putting you up to before things with Harry went any further, since he was his best friend. Even Tom wasn’t that low of a person, though.

“You’ve got to be joking,” you didn’t know what else to say.

“Would it be so bad if I did like you?” Tom asked, and you swore he already knew the answer.

“You don’t like me.” You shook your head again.

“You don’t know that.”

“Yes I do,” you scoffed, “because I know that you like her.” Meaning Thea.

“Maybe I don’t anymore.”

“Tom, be serious.”

“I am being serious,” he glanced over at you, growing annoyed. Of course he had the nerve. “I don’t think I like her anymore.”

“You don’t think?” What was he even saying? “And that’s enough for you? You aren’t even sure if you don’t like her anymore but you’re so sure that you like me?”

“Yes,” he replied, “and it doesn’t matter about her because I know that I like you.”

“Fine, I’ll amuse this.” You turned in your seat to face him, “If you do like me, why? What has made you change from wanting to be with Thea to thinking you want to be with me?”

That was the real issue here. It made no sense, it was coming from absolutely nowhere. There was nothing pointing to the thought that he might like you, and you weren’t sure what you did that would’ve signaled to him that you might like him too.

“Well, for one,” he began carefully, “we’ve been spending more time together--”

“So I could help you get with her.” You clarified. Was his reasoning really that simplistic?

“But being around you just made me realize that it’s you I like.”

No you fucking don’t, Tom.” Running a hand through your hair, you weren’t sure how to react at the moment. “Stop being so stupid.”

“I’m not being stupid,” he shook his head. “Why is it so hard to think I could like you?”

“Because I have literally been helping you to get with my best friend!” You scoffed, “What is about me that is making you be so fucking dumb?”

“I’m not being…” he bit his lip. “Why won’t you just listen to what I’m saying?”

“Because it’s a lie, and you’re not making any sense.” You said simply.

“It is not a lie, why would you think that? Is it…” he glanced over, “is it you think you aren’t good enough?” Was that a serious question? “Or--or is it that you’re afraid to admit anything because of what it might mean?”

There was nothing you had feared to admit to him, because you were comfortable with where your friendship with him stood, or you were before this conversation. Things were easy with him because he was the one from the group that was just like you. You knew that he understood why you were so careful when it came to sharing the truths held deep in your heart, because he had always had the same explanations for himself.

But regardless of his usual understanding, he didn’t seem to understand at all right now. The things he was saying seemed so random, having no evidence to back even a single word out of his mouth. And had he really mistaken your friendship for more? Wasn’t it clear of your intentions with Harry?

“Admit what, Tom?” You had had enough at this point. “Admit that you’re being a selfish prick?”

“No, admit that you actually do have some sort of feelings.” Tom probably thought he was being a genius. “But that’s what would be great with me,” he was backing himself up again, “I don’t want you to be pressured into that sort of thing. I understand how hard it is to be so open with someone, you wouldn’t have to force yourself into change with me.”

“What the hell does that mean?” What was he looking for here?

“We know each other so well, and that’s part of what made me realize how I feel about you.” He moved closer to the edge of his seat, gripping the steering wheel tighter, “Think about it, right? That’s why I was even coming to you about Thea, was because you could understand my feelings already. We don’t have to change how we express them for Thea or Harry, because we already understand each other.”

You knew that he could be an idiot, but was he truly so arrogant?

You didn’t mean to completely dismiss however he was feeling, because for all you knew he really could’ve developed feelings for you, but you really didn’t believe that it was true. If anything, you thought it was just some misinterpretation that he had done with his own emotions.

“What you’re saying is that because we both have the unhealthy coping mechanism of just shutting down we’re suddenly meant to be?” You mockingly nodded, “What a bloody genius you are, Thomas.”

“That’s…” he sighed, feeling more defeated, “no, but… We get each other.”

“And they’re doing their best to get us too.” You fought back, “That’s sort of the entire point of having any relationship with someone, is getting to know who they are. And that’s what I like so much about being with Harry, we’re still learning about each other.”

“Well, yes, but we’re already comfortable with one another in that way.” Why was he still insisting? “Don’t you see how simple it could be for us? We wouldn’t have to make all these huge changes to be with one another. We would already be comfortable in knowing who the other is.”

“I don’t want to be like this for my entire life,” you pleaded, “and I know you don’t either. It’s exhausting, and it’s crappy.” This was something you didn’t think you needed to explain to him. “And Thea always helps me with that, and now Harry is too. It’s not like it’s a bad thing that we’re growing as people because we’re around them.”

“Growth isn’t what I’m trying to talk about, I’m just saying that… you don’t have to force yourself into any change, you know that?” Tom really looked to be concerned.

“If you don’t want to be with Thea anymore can you just say that?” You sighed, “You’d be a fucking idiot for saying it, but it would make things less complicated.”

He scoffed, “Even if I did still like her it wouldn’t matter, she clearly doesn’t like me.”

It finally was feeling like you were getting somewhere with him.

“Why are you saying that?” Had something happened that you didn’t know about? Was that what was upsetting Thea earlier? “Is this what this whole thing is about? Did something happen with her?”

The entire feel of the atmosphere had changed, the sun now hidden behind the clouds. It was as if you were finally asking the questions he was hoping to avoid.

Tom was hesitant to reply, now avoiding looking your way completely. He looked like he hadn’t known what to say but almost as if he was thinking of the perfect response. You knew he might try to lie, or to just take the opportunity to end the conversation then.

Shockingly, he ended up cracking. “I told her that I liked you just before we left, when we were having tea downstairs...” he admitted, “and she hadn’t seemed to care, but you’d think if she did that she would’ve been…” he shook his head, “I don’t know.”

You hadn’t been there for that, obviously, but you already were guessing Thea’s reaction to him telling her that. Why would he even say something so stupid to her? Was he testing to see her reaction? Was it just some dumb teenage boy’s idea to see if she might fight for him? He was disappointingly thick.

“That’s what this all is about?” You questioned. “You stupidly lied about having feelings for me and she was taken back, and you took that immediate chance to just assume the worst?”

“Why do you think it’s a lie?” His voice was low again, giving up on defending himself.

“Because it doesn't make sense, Thomas!” You snapped. “I thought things were going so well, with me and Harry and the song, the-the lipstick, even--”

“What?”

“And I have been helping you, so you could get closer to Thea because that’s who you like, not me, and that was going so beautifully too.” You rubbed your temples, squeezing your eyes shut tightly. “Why are you now saying differently?”

How had you even ended up here? Fighting with Tom about something so petty.

He was being a fool, which he often was anyway. And this wasn’t just you trying to convince yourself that he didn’t like you, though that was definitely occurring as well, but it was that you genuinely didn’t believe it. And maybe you should’ve heard him out more, but the consequences of him saying that wouldn’t affect only him. It was already affecting Thea, and your relationship with the both of them. It begged the question of what else, and who else, this would affect.

“I just thought that if she cared she would have shown it.” He sounded totally defeated, actually taking it all in now. “Because if she did have any sort of feelings, she really fooled me… when I told her that all she could do was go on and on about Harry, and how opposites attract or whatever the fuck, so it was like the final nail in the coffin to me.”

He took a pause, pressing his lips together and sitting back a bit further. Even if he was an idiot, he did seem upset about her reaction. You knew his feelings for Thea were true, and maybe he really hadn’t realized that she liked him too. Thea hadn’t told a soul about her crush on him, she hadn’t even said it to you and you were best friends, but it was easy for you to see how she felt. Tom was hurt, and it seemed confused too.

“So you just spewed out that you liked me?” You asked quietly.

“No, no, I-” he sighed. “I really thought- or think?” He didn’t seem sure. “That I liked you. I guess I was just being stupid, though, right? I was just misreading all the signs, and I assumed far too much.”

You thought for a minute, trying to piece everything together. “Maybe I was just your fallback, since you thought that Thea wasn’t interested.”

Tom thought about it, though he didn’t seem happy about the idea. Who could blame him? It wasn’t exactly a good situation for anyone involved at this point.

“It’s just,” you began again, “what if you only liked me because I was there, I was familiar and I was someone you were comfortable with… and when you thought that Thea might not like you, you needed that familiarity?” You were trying to figure it out for yourself as much as you were for him.

He parked the car, silently taking the keys out as he considered your theory.

“That makes sense, doesn’t it?” You adjusted in your seat again. “That it was just a misunderstanding, because it seemed like a simple solution?”

Tom wasn’t giving you much of a reaction, and you had hoped that meant he was just realizing it too. That had actually made sense, it was a clear explanation to why he was saying everything that he had. It wasn’t out of spite, thought parts were, but it was just a mixup and confusion of his emotions.

“Yeah,” Tom finally said quietly, “that makes sense, I guess.”

He didn’t seem fully convinced, but you’d take what you could get because this was the simple solution to your own problems. It made things less complicated, and maybe it would allow you to clear things up with Thea. You wouldn’t have to worry about what those consequences might entail if what you thought of was true.

“Okay, yeah… great, right?” You nodded to yourself, frantically putting your purse over your shoulder and getting out of the car. “That’ll explain it all, and then things between us don’t have to be weird. And you can tell Thea, right, that it was all just a misunderstanding? You can explain, and you can tell her the truth of it now?”

He was much more quiet now, “Right, of course.”

And that was all you needed, for him to agree with you that it was all just a mistake, a misunderstanding. Because that’s what it had to have been, otherwise it was messing with everyone’s relationships and that wasn’t something that you wanted to deal with losing.

Now it was back to the focus of summer, back to focusing on the warmth of the sun and the calming twist of the breeze. You had your answer, and Tom had realized your truth. You convinced yourself that wasn’t an anxiety you would have to deal with for any longer.

“We should be going in now, to help get things ready.” Before he could say anything else, you went in to quickly distract yourself with any little task.

Knowing your way around the cafe well enough, you helped to set up the tables and such after having a brief conversation with Thea’s grandmother about the night. It was mindless enough work, just to keep you busy until the others arrived too. You wondered how much longer they might be.

Tom was inside now too, sluggishly getting his guitar ready. Had you cut off the conversation too soon? Surely not, how could’ve you? The solution was found, and it was clear as day… and hopefully not as mud.

When the others had finally arrived, you could feel the weight lifting off your chest. You weren’t focused on just Tom anymore, so that anxious aching was fading away. Though, part of you worried about telling the others about what had happened with him. That wasn’t something you could just hide away, was it? Especially not from Harry.

As you silently kept on setting up, Harry came up to talk to you, and that was when all worry seemed truly gone. The memory of earlier was still so warming to your heart, it clouded all other fears. Instead, you could feel those butterflies again, and the evening was brightening once more. Because it was warmer with him, you knew just what to expect.

Things weren’t as complicated as what Tom seemed to think they were between you and Harry, in fact things were so easy. You complimented one another very well, at least that’s what the two of you had thought.

“Oh, before we go on,” Harry smiled and took the lipstick out of his pocket. “I really would like to try some of this lipstick after the show.” He gently closed the tube in your hand, “But maybe I could get the taste from your lips?”

He laid a kiss on your knuckles, giving you a quick wink before going up on the stage to perform. Another smile appeared on your lips as you held the lipstick closer to your chest. It was moments like that that you dreamed of in the summer. That alone opened up so many new doors, and it included opportunities that you couldn’t wait to explore. That was the excitement of summer, even if in the simplest of ways.

You took your seat with Thea and Andrew, and the music began not long after. Thea seemed more relaxed now, and less upset about that entire issue with Tom. In fact, you had noticed her giving him a kiss on the cheek just before he went up on stage, and he now had red lipstick left where he had kissed her. You figured that was a good sign, they must’ve shortly talked things through.

Even Andrew, though he was a bit annoyed when his (rather new) stepbrother arrived, hadn’t let the night be spoiled. Everything was going so shockingly well.

As the music was coming to an end, you went behind the counter of the cafe to find some shirts that you had left there earlier that day. You had finally finished your design for a new logo for Tom and Harry, and you got it printed onto some shirts for them. More positive news for that day, helping to cover up your worries some more.

And when the music did end, you all gathered together in your excitement. Complementing their show, going on about how this one was by far the best show they had had, even if you all said that every single time. And the joy continued when you showed your new design for them, it was Pandora delicately holding a hawkshead flower. Things were so bright again.

Nana gathered you all for a picture together, thinking this might be a moment that all of you might want such a keepsake for. And this was just another day closer to the end of summer, yet for once it didn’t seem that this would all fade with the season.

read Thea’s side here

next chapter

series masterlist

wanna be tagged?

masterlist

taglist: @rayofsunshine-28 @millennial-teenybopper @spideyspeaches @sleepingdancer @sippin-on-tea @imsadsothatswhyidab @countingstarsmylove @obiwanownsmyass @annathesillyfriend​ @saintlavrents​

[barnesandco]

Little Hands (IV)

Series Masterlist

Communication is key.

This is an entry for @star-spangled-bingo 2021. Word count: 2248. Square filled: “Sung to Sleep”

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Warnings: More Hydra Evilness, More Sad Child, Parental Anxieties. Brief mentions of war, sickness, death, grief. 

A/N: I know 2.2k words isn’t objectively a lot but boy did this feel like it. I hope every word is worth it and that you enjoy! Lmk what you think!!! Also I won’t even lie, the idea of Steve’s kids is 100% from one of my favorite comfort fics, family means no one gets left behind or forgotten, by the genius, the wonderful cosmicocean. IT’S SO SOFT. Pls read it.

You’re stunned when Bucky tells you what’s going on. The idea that his daughter (?) was made in a lab like some kind of experiment, and that the man who led said experiment now wants her back like she is his property, his weapon, is too horrid to consider for very long. Weaponizing an innocent child. Hydra.

Bucky gave you the broad strokes of the investigation – currently running on little more than educated guesses based on the meagre intel they have – and has let you know that he has had to recuse himself from the case, due to his… personal connection. That leaves him somewhere he finds awkward, to say the least.

It's evident in the way the corners of his lips turn down, how he is constantly rubbing the pads of his fingers against the coarse scratch of denim, while he watches Ana watch Zoya, Steve’s 17-year-old daughter, working on a tablet. Zoya tucks a strand of hair behind her hijab, then continues to draw up a storyboard, narrating the events to the younger girl. Steve had apparently forgotten the lunch his kids had made him at home, so Zoya had brought it in, and decided to stay the day.

Ana’s quiet, attentive for the most part, listening with her full capabilities, but her eyes flit away from the screen every now and then to look at you and Bucky, as if to reassure herself that you’re still there.

Besides that, there aren’t all that many distractions present for an already precocious child. Most of the team has dispersed for the investigation, with the exception of Peter, who is sat at a table in the corner making intentionally fruitless efforts at teaching Morgan chess, while she giggles and tries to stack the pieces like Jenga blocks instead.

However, Bucky’s restlessness is infectious, and you think he needs to get it under check before it grows any further. That’s why you stand, saying, “Could we go for a little walk, Bucky?”

He nods, man of few words that he is, and leads the way. You’re sure he knows that you formulated it like a request for his benefit, but he doesn’t mention it. It’s just as well – that he knows you like that, and knows when to accept the proverbial hand being offered.

Bucky takes you to a corner of the roof that you’d mistake for a community garden if you didn’t know any better. The Avengers seem to have green thumbs, or at least, a significant portion of them do. They’re good with plants, and possessive about them, too. Autumn ferns grow outside the circle they seem to have been planted in – with a sign shouting Wanda! – to invade the territory of a vegetable garden labelled Bruce (accompanied by a Hulkish, green thumbs up presumably not drawn by the man himself).  

Meticulously maintained daylilies and columbines, in vivid reds and vibrant purples, litter the edges of the path that has been carved through this little paradise, and the birdhouses between them stake the claim of the owner more effectively than a neon sign screaming Sam Wilson. Bucky’s told you about his abilities, how they veer into the decidedly supernatural but Sam insists are only the residue of a childhood with homing pigeons.

Nothing here looks like Bucky’s, though. He seems to be taking it in, perhaps thinking about his own little paradise back in the city, and how he’s chosen to keep it distant from that of his teammates. That worries you. He worries you.

And this, the situation with Anastasia, becoming a father, it’s terrifying. Hell, if it scares you this much, how is he feeling? You ask him as much.

“Bucky, are you okay?”

He laughs, softly, disbelievingly, no malice in his scoff, only fear. Only the sound of a voice saturated with consternation and total, complete anxiety. “Would you be?” He asks back.

“That’s why I’m asking.”

Bucky evades the questions, turning first one way on the path, and then the other, approaching the edge clear of shrubbery and blooms alike, resting his palms on the top of the wall.

“I can’t be a father.”

The solemnity in his tone allows no room for negotiations, but then, neither do the facts. “You are,” you reply, somewhat hesitantly, because the technicalities of how Ana came to be are still a little blurry to you. She’s far from a normal child, and not quite a clone, either. She is of Bucky, though. His, in any way that counts.

“That little girl was created in a Hydra lab as a super soldier to serve the cause,” he says, shaking his head vigorously as the cause repulses him even more than it does you. “And who knows what else she was put through before SHIELD fell and Orlov got her out, and it’s my fault.”

“You didn’t—”

“I didn’t ask for it to happen but it wouldn’t have happened if I hadn’t happened. They used me to make a super soldier from scratch, and now I’m supposed to raise her? It’s not that simple. I’m not Steve. I can’t…”

Being honest, you feel you’re pretty far out of your depth here. But you’ve promised him your help, and you’ll do your best.

“You don’t have to. There are other options.” You’re sure you’re overstepping. Perhaps this gentle companionship has not yet reached the point where you can give advice on parenting. But if you don’t, who will? Steve, whose answers don’t enter the gray territory Bucky’s mind is residing in right now, who parents like he was born for it?

Steve chose fatherhood. Bucky has been nailed to it like it’s a new cross to bear, heavier than all the previous ones put together.

His gaze roams the grounds that stretch as far as you can see. You’re both far away from home right now, far outside your comfort zones.

“I’m sorry for dragging you into my mess, sweetheart. It’s not right. You have things to do, and I shouldn’t have—”

“Bucky, I’ve been staring at the same four sentences of dialogue for the past month. I literally could not have been happier to get out of the house. Even if I do wish it was under better circumstances,” you say fervently. You’re here because he needs you. Because Ana needs you. It’s nice to be needed.

“That’s one way to put it,” he smiles, and you’re glad to see it.

“Not to mention, it’s not your fault. It’s not anyone’s fault except whoever your team is looking for,” you insist. “And Ana’s a sweet girl. A little quiet, but Baba says I was, too.”

This, Bucky thinks about. You wonder if he was a quiet child, too. “What’s he like?”

“Hmm?” The reverie snaps like a rubber band.

“Your father?” Bucky asks, shyly, his eyes meeting yours, letting you know exactly why he’s asking.

You look up at the clouds, think back to Boston, to time shared between the library and the park. A childhood with books, lunch breaks under a desk in an office at MIT, stealing his glasses and running away with them, rubbing at his stubbly beard like he was a housecat. Inside jokes with your father and rolled eyes with your mother. Laughter and tears, laughter with tears.

After a long while, trying and failing to summarize your father, you say, “A jokester. The most sarcastic person I know. But still kind of neurotic, to be honest. The kind of parent that makes you show up at the airport a full four hours before your flight.” It’s grossly insufficient. For a writer, you’re not very good with words. You suppose it’s not the words that are the problem; it’s the lifetime they have to encompass. “What about yours?”

Bucky sighs. “Soldier. He’s one thing I don’t feel bad for not remembering because it wasn’t Hydra that wiped those memories. He just died when I was really small. Survived the Great War only to be killed by TB a few years later at home.”

“I’m sorry.” You avert your eyes. Grief feels private, even decades later, even in the smallest doses.

He shakes his head, smiles fondly, up at the sky, too, like you did. Only, he’s smiling at it, like he’s thinking of someone beyond the clouds. “Don’t be. Was a long time ago.”

“That doesn’t mean it isn’t allowed to hurt anymore.”

“You sound like my therapist.”

“I sound like my therapist.”

At this, the two of you look at each other and burst into laughter. It feels forbidden, as though the severity of the situation condemns joy. That isn’t fair, you think. The situation is that of a child, and nobody needs laughter more than kids do. Food for the soul.

When the echo of your exhilarations falls, Bucky grows serious once more. “They have them for kids, now, too, right?” He asks, referring to therapists. “Do you think Anastasia should see one? She’s not exactly… normal, you know?”

“Maybe.” It’s a difficult question, but a good indicator of how Bucky is growing to feel about Ana. “You’d make a good dad, if you wanted to be one, Bucky,” you say, and mean it. It’s plain as day that he cares about her.

“I can’t even remember my own.”

“Parental instincts are intuitive, not genetic,” you tell him.

“You been reading handbooks?” He teases.

“You’d be surprised by how much you learn from the rabbit holes you fall down while researching books,” you deadpan.

“Can any of that research get the nightmares out of my head? I think it might scare a kid.”

The self-deprecation hurts, but your response is honest, heartfelt. “She likes you already.”

“She won’t if she thinks I’ve run away,” he answers, straightening up. He might be trying to evade the conversation, but you’ll let him, for now. He’s gotten some fresh air, had some time to clear his thoughts, or sort them, at least. And so you return, to the little girl who has a tighter grip on both of you than you even realize.

------

Ana grows unsettled as night darkens the sky. It could be the ruckus she isn’t quite used to. It could be the toy fire truck Tony has been altering with his utensils to increase its noise output, much to Morgan’s amusement. It could be the actual parrot perched on Sam’s shoulder.

Whatever the cause, she hasn’t succumbed to it enough to make a seat out of the fridge again. She’s sitting in her seat, between Bucky and yourself, eating the hummus Bruce and Wanda have made. Nat discusses sniper scopes with Clint, Peter tries to get away with eating the side of vegetables on Jordan’s plate without Steve noticing, and Bucky eats silently, eyes almost constantly on Anastasia, who takes it all in while her knee bounces up and down with an ever-increasing speed, much like her father’s.

You excuse yourselves soon after dessert, after Morgan has fallen asleep against Jordan’s arm on the couch, and Steve and Tony’s friendly debate is starting to develop the edge it tends to when they’ve been bantering for too long.

Bucky sets up on the sectional in his room, and leaves the ridiculously large double bed to you and Anastasia. It’s been a strange, strange day, and one can only hope that tomorrow brings some ease, a balm for the prickly, fiery ache that has settled over the man you care so much about.

------

When you wake, it’s because of singing. For half a moment, you think you’re in a dream, but as your eyes adjust to the blanket of dark, you see the shadow on the sofa nearby. Only, it’s bigger than just Bucky. Anastasia is sitting on his lap, her head cushioned against his chest. Scrambling for your glasses, and turning on the lamp on the bedside table, you notice that there are trails of drying tears on her little cheeks, and she’s still shaking with the aftershocks of whatever scare she must’ve had during the night.

Not for the first time, you curse your deep sleep that meant you didn’t wake with Ana, but watch in wonder as Bucky sings.

Hush, little baby, don't say a word Papa's going to buy you a mockingbird

And if that mockingbird won't sing Papa's going to buy you a diamond ring

Ana’s eyes begin to close, but she fights the sleep. Bucky doesn’t let her. He lies down, easing her down beside himself, singing all the while.

And if that diamond ring turns brass Papa's going to buy you a looking glass

And if that looking glass gets broke Papa's going to buy you a billy goat

His voice fills the room, low though it may be, and he curls himself around Ana.

And if that billy goat won't pull Papa's going to buy you a cart and bull

And if that cart and bull turn over Papa's going to buy you a dog named Rover

She succumbs to the lull of his tone, his song, his promises, sighs a little sigh, lets the last, little hiccup leave her body.

And if that dog named Rover won't bark Papa's going to buy you a horse and cart

And if that horse and cart fall down You'll still be the sweetest little baby in town

Bucky lifts his hand from where it was stroking the hair at her temple, and lays his arm over his daughter. They’re safe, for now. Together.

[chibi-tsukiko]

Five More Minutes

A Malec fic inspired by the song "The End of the World" by Billie Eilish because it’s all over TikTok and I can't get it out of my head.

I hope you like it 🙈

click on title to read on AO3 or scroll below

Tag list : @legendofconsullightwood @themostawesomehuman @littleturtle95 @tobeornottobetequila @morgnstern @zfoxdraws @bookworm-jedi @magnus-the-maqnificent @banesbitch @fair-but-wilde-child @beclynn-herondale @khaleesiofalicante @my-archerboy @youngreckless @thomaslightwood @runecarstairs @high-warlock-of-brooklyn @itsdaughterofthemoon

Magnus wakes to a high-pitched beeping. He flicks his wrist to silence the sound, keeping his eyes closed. The room is dark, but he can feel the warmth of the sun on his back as the first rays peek through the curtains. For a second he thinks the sound was an accident, a hallucination even, but then he feels the bed shift beside him. Guilt pinches him as he realizes he unconsciously shut off Alec’s alarm, but he shakes it off. He’s exhausted. They both are. Life has never been easy for them, but this past month has felt like every obstacle got together and hit at once. It’s been nonstop. Quality time has become getting dressed together, a quick kiss goodbye at the door, dinner, when they can both manage it, and the few brief moments before sleep takes hold. Neither of them are ungrateful for the roles they’ve earned, Magnus couldn’t be prouder, but they have needs too. Alec isn’t the only one who gets grumpy without his morning cuddles. They’re in desperate need of a vacation, and the second Magnus finds a window amongst the chaos, he’s whisking them away. Far away. Someplace tropical, with no cell service.

He feels a gentle press of lips on his temple, he hums, and presses his face into the pillow, hoping the bed will swallow him. And then more beeping starts. This time, from his own cellphone.

Magnus groans as he reaches to shut the accursed noise off right as the water from the shower starts. He flops back down onto his stomach, muffling a whine. He’s not ready yet.

Five more minutes.

——————————————————

He should really take a break, Magnus thinks as he summons two more books from his library. He’s been at this for days. When was the last time he slept? Tuesday? What day is it now? It doesn’t matter. He slides the plate of food Alec had left him this morning aside so he can set the books down; it clinks against the other plates. He should really just move them to the kitchen. Stepping around his desk towards the cabinet on the other side of the room, he nearly trips over himself. You need sleep. But he can’t stop. It’s been almost a week now since Catarina had come to him about a strange sickness she’d been encountering at the hospital. A week since Alec had been tracking a series of magical explosions that had been occurring throughout the city. A week since they’d started discovering the bodies of children in the streets. Almost a week since Magnus finallyconnected the events. Too long. Now he was in a race against time. He adds more ingredients to the potion and gives it a quick stir.

They haven’t found the coward whose chosen to experiment on these children. When they do, Magnus hopes to have a moment alone before Alec hands them over to the Clave. For now, Magnus can at least put his skills to use and create a cure for the illness before it claims more lives while his anger festers.

He flips through another book, while simultaneously sending one back to the library, and summoning three more. He barely registers the press in his wards, the shuffling of feet, or the hand on his shoulder. Alec says something to him, but he doesn’t really hear. He nods, answering to what, he’s not sure. He leans back over the cauldron, giving it another stir. He’s so close.

Five more minutes.

————————————————

They’ve been here for hours. Magnus is nursing his third drink of the night, his eyes never losing sight of the server as he weaves around the other guests. Despite how often he complains about attending High Warlock meetings, he’d rather listen to those old fools reminisce than another false retelling of the Claves’ accomplishments. Magnus does his best not to correct them, he even bites his tongue when they slip in a snide comment or two. It’s not worth it, he tells himself. Alec stays by his side the whole time, unwavering, but Magnus doesn’t miss the way his shoulders sag in relief each time their conversation with officials gets interrupted. Or how he squeezes Magnus’ hand whenever someone remarks about the company he keeps.

It’s nothing Magnus hasn’t heard before, nothing he doesn’t prep for before these gatherings, but that doesn’t mean Alec deserves to hear it. He can’t do anything too outlandish, but he can cause a few drink spills. Alec catches him a few times and Magnus hides his smirk behind his glass while Alec nudges him with his shoulder.

By drink number four, Magnus is at his breaking point. He’s counted the tiles on the floor a dozen times and he’s got a tension headache forming at the back of his skull. Suddenly, Alec is tugging him away, mid-conversation, cutting through the crowd, unconcerned by the sideward glances. He finds a quiet corner at the end of the hallway and Magnus starts to ask what’s wrong, but Alec kisses the question from his lips, crowding him against the stone wall.

Magnus gasps when they part, his fingers curling into Alecs jacket as he presses their bodies together. Alec’s breath is hot against his throat and Magnus has to stifle a moan. Alec shifts to cup Magnus’ face with his hands, sliding their lips back together. It’s gentler this time, slower, and Magnus hums into it. Then all too soon Alec is pulling back, Magnus keeps his eyes closed, leaning forward to chase after the kiss. Alec mutters something about returning to the event, but Magnus isn’t ready yet.

So he wraps his arms around Alec’s neck and kisses him, soft and languid.

Five more minutes.

——————————————

Magnus’ ears are ringing. His once quiet loft, now echoes with a cacophony of shrieks and giggles. He leans against the door frame of his bedroom, a warm smirk spreading on his face. He watches his heart as it twists, turns, and jumps on the massive king sized bed. A tangled mess of ivory, chestnut, and cerulean. In his hundreds of years, he never imagined he would have this. He longed for it, hoped for it, but never expected it. Yet here it is, right in front of him. Who knew the world could fit on a single mattress. Who knew that centuries of life would pale compared to moments like this: Sunday afternoons watching his husband play with their sons.

Sons. He has sons. He’s married. The words send fireworks through his body, he never tires of saying them. He feels so full.

Alec flips both boys onto their back and moves their shirts subtly before blowing raspberries on their stomachs. The room explodes with laughter, and god Magnus wants to drown in the sound.

Alec catches his eye and sends Magnus a knowing smile. Their boys immediately tackle the distracted Shadowhunter, chanting for Magnus to join them. He knows that this time is fleeting. He’s heard from Catarina’s experience, seen it himself each time Jocelyn brought Clary to his door. Children grow fast. Soon they’ll be moving on and moving out, starting their own lives. If Magnus blinks, he might miss it. So he relishes in these moments where he can step back and soak it in. He leaps onto the bed, basking in the euphoria he’s found, gripping it like a vise.

Five more minutes.

—————————————

Magnus can’t breathe. He’s dizzy with nausea, and there’s a throbbing sensation at the back of his head. He’s vaguely aware of the surrounding commotion. His mind registers voices around him, but they’re muffled as if he’s being held underwater. He feels heavy, like someone has tied anchors to each of his limbs. Everything seems to move in slow motion, and Magnus can’t make heads or tails of it.

Amongst the haze, his focus finds his husband’s face. He’s beautiful, Magnus thinks. Not just in his features, the softness of his skin, the hue of his eyes, but in his soul, his stead-fast nature, and the way he loves. Magnus can’t believe how lucky he is. His vision tunnels, fading black from the corners, and he closes his eyes to gain composure, only to snap them back open in a panic. Afraid he’ll miss something.

How did they get here? It was supposed to be their day off. Magnus had planned a full day of lounging on the couch, but the universe had other plans, it seems. He should have silenced Alec’s phone.

The world tilts on its axes, and Magnus wills himself to stay in the moment. The hand in his is hot, he squeezes it, desperate to commit the feeling to memory. Alec’s face blurs and Magnus is quick to blink, tears smearing the kohl around his eyes. He looks disheveled, he’s sure, but he can’t care. He just needs to focus.

Please, he begs as another wave hits him.

Five more minutes.

[godofevrerything]

How Zutara Should’ve Happened (my take anyways, if Zuko still joined the Gaang in Season Three)

Alright, so I’m a Zutara shipper. Anyways, here’s my rant of the day.

So, if Zutara were to be cannon, let’s say that we wouldn’t change the cannon, other than that. Also full disclaimer, I don’t really like Kataang. It’s cute, and sweet, buuuut I think that they would be better off single or with other people. I personally ship Taang so much-

When I first watched it, I really wanted Katara to end up single. I thought that would be a fitting ending for her story. But hey, she didn’t, and that’s fine.

This is not an anti Kataang post, seriously. If you ship it, cool, I don’t, but everyone had different opinions. Just please don’t come to my inbox and yell at me.

Aight, under the cut bc it got long.

So, if we weren’t gonna change the cannon, Zuko still joins in season three and all. Katara and him would still have a rocky relationship at first, and for good reason, I mean wtf Zuko what happened at the CoTL?

Rant for another day

Anyways-

What I would think is that Katara couldn’t help but notice how Zuko is trying to gain their, and her trust. I mean, she’s pissed but still, she notices. It doesn’t make her forgive him or anything, and it shouldn’t, but she does see it.

Now, I’m thinking little moments. Like when he shoved her out of the way of the falling rocks? Yeah, she still snaps at him, but maybe after she’s a little less fiery. Just a bit.

And then after TSR, things start to change. Of course, we get the iconic hug, but!! I want another scene, when they’re coming back from the trip.

One thing that always bothers me when I read Zutara stuff is that writers rarely address Zukos betrayal in TCoTL. Like,,, maybe I haven’t read the right fanfics but c’mon guys.

I really think, no, I know that Katara and Zuko should address that. I really want a scene, when they’re coming back, while Katara is sorting out whether to forgive him or not, I want them to talk about it. And sorry if it’s OOC- But Like so:

Katara: Why did you do it?

Zuko: ...do what?

Katara: Why did you fight with Azula? I thought you changed, I thought you would’ve fought with us.

Zuko: I-

[ a moment of quiet]

Zuko: I thought about it, and I almost did-

Katara: [turns around to face him] Then why didn’t you? Why did you choose that?

Zuko: I wanted my honor. I wanted to go home, and I thought- I though that if I fought with her, I could get my honor back.

[Katara doesn’t answer.]

Zuko: But Im sorry. I am.

Katara, quietly: I thought you changed...

Zuko: I have, now, I mean.

Katara: Why was your honor so important to you anyways? And what do you mean by ‘wanted to go home’?

Zuko: I- I was banished. Until I found the Avatar, I couldn’t go back.

[Katara turns, studying him, then turns back around]

Katara: ...You couldn’t go back, ever?

Zuko: No.

[She doesn’t speak after that, and neither does he.]

Okay, so maybe that was too OOC, but they did need to have a conversation something like that. A conversation where Zuko explained, at least a bit about why he fought with Azula.

And then, after that, the hug and forgiveness. But that was a turning point in their relationship, and I don’t like that so little fic writers address that.

And then!! I want little moments. Just small moments, maybe a bit more teasing, a bit more concern on Kataras part.

Also, let’s face it: Zuko would be simping. Katara wouldn’t be lovey dovey, no, she wouldn’t. Zuko would be the simp, Zuko would be the one stuttering slightly at teasing and stuff.

Just little moments, nothing big bc c’mon, they’re kids. They’re teenagers in the belp middle of a war.

Speaking of which! I really want one more scene between them. After Aangs noncon kiss in the Ember Island Players, I want there to be a scene where Zuko finds Katara and she vents to him.

Also I’ve been losing my damn mind trying to find a gif series for that bc someone on Tumblr made it and I can’t find it- fkdndd

Okay, but along with a huge chunk of the fandom, it really makes me mad that they didn’t show more of Kataras reaction, and that Aang didn’t apologize. Like wtf Aang.

I would’ve been fine with anyone coming to Katara, or telling Aang that was wrong but- Didn’t happen. They just glossed over that part smh.

But! Say Zuko were to come and talk with her about it. And then at the end, he might ask her why she was confused, Maybe something like this:

Zuko: If you don’t mind, why are you so confused?

Katara: I don’t know! But it’s in the middle of war. It isn’t over, and now isn’t the time for... for romance.

Zuko: But that doesn’t mean that you can’t be happy. I mean, look at Sokka.

Katara: I’m not Sokka.

[They both go quiet for a minute]

Katara: Sorry, Im just... It’s too much to deal with right now, and we have to focus on ending the war.

Zuko: No, I get that. It’s fine.

Katara: I’m just- I’m confused, and now isn’t the time and-

[She pauses, and the two look at each other for a moment. All is quiet.]

Zuko: I.. can go, if you want. If you need some space.

Katara: Yeah, that would probably help.

[Zuko walks away. As he does, Katara is staring at his back, a thoughtful expression on her face]

Yes, yes, I think that would make sense in the romance line. Mirroring when Zuko was staring at Kataras back.

Alright, so everything would be same, up to Katara healing Zuko after the Agni Kai. But there would be subtle differences. She takes his hand and holds it instead of putting her hand on his back. No big “I love you” or whatever. Just holds his hand, and maybe a line like “We- I could’ve lost you!” Maybe.

And then! One last thing, instead of that long Kataang kiss at the end, a scene between Katara and Zuko, talking about their futures.

I’m a really big fan of Water Tribe Ambassador Katara, and it shows.

Katara: So.. Fire Lord Zuko, huh? Finally regained your honor?

Zuko: [groans] Yes, now stop it.

Katara: [laughs] Nope, never gonna stop.

[Theres a minute of quiet]

Zuko: And what about you? Are you going back to the SWT?

Katara: I am. The Northern and Southern tribes... they need to connect again, not become one, but the connection was frayed with the war, and someone has to take a step to rebuild it.

Zuko: What about the Air Temples?

Katara: That’s up to Aang. I’ll help him of course, we all will, but he’s the last air bender. He’ll take care of them, like I’ll take care of the Water tribes.

Zuko: With Sokka too, I’m guessing.

Katara: I don’t know about that, actually. Sokka may want to travel a bit, scope out the world.

Zuko: And you don’t?

Katara: I do, and I will. Sokka and I, regardless of whatever travel, we’ll work together to take care of the tribes.

Zuko: [chuckles] And I’ll be here. I’m going to try to undo the damage the war did. Open up relations again in the Earth Kingdom, sort out the colonies.

Katara: Don’t overwork yourself.

Zuko: You shouldn’t either.

[She laughs, and stops in front of the pond, looking at the turtle ducks]

Katara: Zuko..

Zuko: What?

Katara: [turns to face him] We... went through a lot. And I have something that I need to tell you.

Zuko, sweating slightly: ..yes?

Katara: Relax, it’s nothing bad!

Katara: I..

[Katara takes his hand and smiles. Zukos eyes widen and he looks down at their hands]

Katara: Well?

[Zuko looks back up and smiles at her.]

Zuko: You’re going to visit sometime, right?

Katara: Course I will.

[He smiles again, and intertwines their fingers. It’s quiet once more, then off in the distance, Sokka yells something]

Katara: [laughs] Now c’mon, your Honor. Let’s go.

[She pulls Zuko down the path towards their friends, and all their laughter can be heard. The End comes up, and the credits roll]

So!!

No big ily confession, no long kiss. Why? Because they’re kids. They’re fourteen and sixteen, there shouldnt be an ily, there shouldn’t be an uncomfortably long kiss.

Later, of course. But now? Let’s them just hold hands and tease each other and relax a bit.

Anyways, that’s my Zutara rant of the day, thanks for listening.

[fandom-monium]

For the Holidays - Part 5

Summary: In which there is no forgiveness or grudges. Only chance. “Okay, let’s try.”

WC: 1.3k

Tags/Warnings: Spencer Reid x GN!Reader, fake-dating, pining (so much pining), fluff, slight angst but not from unnecessary trauma, emotional-support Reader, reunion arc, song fic, FINAL PART

I can deal with the bad nights When I'm with my baby, yeah Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh

“So, what’s the plan?”

Spencer runs a hand through his hair. “I’m not sure.”

He really isn’t. But that’s because he isn’t thinking.

It’s not often a brilliant mind like Spencer’s, usually if not always running, finds itself in a deep lull. For once, he’s not contemplating his next step or calculating how to get the best possible outcome. He’s not sprinting to be productive.

He’s just… existing.

What a rarity.

In the dark, deserted library time has slowed to a stop. If cheery holiday tunes and the murmur of guests didn't continue to float down the halls, it's almost like you're in your own little time pocket. He imagines this is an alternate reality, one consisting of only the two of you; there's no unsubs to hurt you or tear you apart, rip you away from each other when you’re just within reach. It’s just the two of you, existing together.

Add the catharsis of crying and you warm against his side, it's the perfect sedative. He's completely lethargic.

He wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.

Unfortunately, no matter how much he wants to stay, all good things come to an end. Your little bubble pops when thunder crackles outside.

You watch him carefully. "Are you... ready to head back?"

Spencer nearly gives himself whiplash, snapping his head to you. You wince, not needing to see his face, hearing the betrayal in his voice. "What? Why would I want to go back?”

“Hey, it’s just a suggestion,” You put your hands up in defense, voice thoughtful as you shrug. “We did come for a reason, and here they are on a silver platter. I know it's not going exactly as you imagined it but—”

“Are you saying I should forgive them?” Forgive comes in a hiss.

You grimace. “What? No, that's not what I was saying. You heard Alexa.”

He glances away, and he knows you catch the slight turn of his head because you’re a profiler and you’re trained. He’s embarrassed; he’d been blindsided, disoriented, by his own rage and confusion that he couldn’t register anything passed ‘sorry’.

Understandable. You’d probably go into shock too if your childhood bullies dropped the retribution bomb over a decade later.

You continue, “Well if you'd been listening, you'd know they want to try to get to know you. Or at least understand you? I kind of get where they're coming from, but I don't think it'll do harm to give them a chance."

After a moment of deliberation, Spencer groans, "How is it between the two of us, you're the voice of reason?"

"Ha ha. Just because you're the genius doesn't make you always right."

"I never said I am!"

"Yeah but you were thinking it. Now come on, let's head back," You stand up and offer your hand. There’s a flash of lightning, and for a second he catches your eyes, steadfast and dancing in the dark. Maybe you didn’t give him an award-winning pep-talk, but the way you look at him makes him feel like he can survive the night at least.

You make him feel strong.

Here you are, in this dusty library. He’s had two break downs since arriving and you didn’t even blink.

You’ve matched him step for step, never faltering.

Another streak flashes from the window, and your lips curl into a shadow of a smile. "Operation: Holidate is a go."

Maybe. Just maybe he can match yours.

Yes. If he can survive tonight, everything will  be fine. It’s the least he can do, making you come all this way. Make your time here worth while.

And who knows? He might actually gain something from all this.

Taking your hand, Spencer gives in and you pull him up. He lets you guide him back to the entrance, your footsteps echoing through the hall as you make your way to the gym, music pounding over the rumbling thunder.

He doesn't let go. If you're bothered you say nothing.

—

"So Holidate? Is that what you're calling this?"

“Okay, you know what, Doctor? I’d like to see you come up with a better name.”

“Well—”

“That doesn’t involve some obscure reference to literature or philosophy or Star Trek.”

“Actually, I was going to suggest-”

“Or Doctor Who.”

“... Holidate it is.”

—

Christmas music fills the gym. The night has turned the elegance of the reunion into a nightclub as people dance with drunken laughter and off-key singing, and as far as you can tell, the group hadn't left the table, shouting over the music and exchanging hesitant looks. They have the decency to stand as you approach.

Spencer clutches your hand and you squeeze it. He squeezes back.

Harper opens her mouth, "Reid—"

"Before you say anything," Spencer clears his throat, gathering his thoughts. "I'm... sorry for what I said before. Not that it didn't need to be said, but I could have worded things better and I shouldn't have lashed out the way I did." Brown eyes harden, distrustful and terrified. "Did you mean what you said before? About making amends and trying to become friends?"

With a collective murmur, they nod, "Yes."

"And you understand I don't have to accept your apology. That I don't have to forgive you?"

"Yes, of course."

Pain flits across Alexa, Harper, and the team's faces, expressions grim. As if they don't like the possibility he won't forgive them but know better than to argue. That he at least has the right. Good.

Spencer's eyes roam over them. And under tinted lights he sees them.  He doesn’t feel like he’s been dropped back in time. He's no longer twelve and they're no longer teenagers. Formal dresses and suits don’t seem as strange on them anymore. His suit doesn't feel like it hangs off him, suddenly fitting, the watch over his sleeve nice and snug around his wrist, and his slacks less baggy.

They're adults; they've learned from their mistakes and are mature enough to own up to them. Mature enough to confront them.

Spencer swallows, takes a breath, before gripping your hand tighter. The storm roars above you, drowned out by With You This Christmas.

"Okay. Let's try."

Strange, the words leaving his lips a weight lifting off their shoulders. There's sighs of relief, and you take your seats at the table.

He feels your hand shift in his. You haven't let go since you dragged him out the library, his safe haven—God, how he misses it already—and his heart sighs as your thumb circles the back of his hand comfortingly.

So what if it's awkward? So what if it's uncomfortable and tense? So what if he wants to make a dash for the nearest exit?

Spencer knows this will be hard, the road to forgiveness. A part of him doesn't even want to try.

But as you meet his eyes and give him a reassuring smile, seemingly unbothered by his sweaty palms, Spencer tries to relax. Under your warm gaze every muscle, every part of him wound tight like a spring trap ready to go off seems to release.

You look at him like he can carry the world on his shoulders. If you asked him to, he certainly would try.

And he realizes it won't be so bad because you're here. You are here, you have no intention of leaving, and he has your full support.

Spencer can't think of a better person he'd rather have his back. No matter what happens, it'll be fine, as long as he's by your side.

Even if it’s just for the holidays.

AN: Status: Finished - 5/5. Open ending unlocked.

Yes, I did drop that title.

I remember bopping to I Don’t Care by Ed Sheeran and Justin Bieber and thinking this would be a good song fic for Spencer if he went to his hs reunion. Then this baby came along. Initially, it was supposed to be a one-shot but after 8k i thought it was better as a mini series.

I’m quite proud, leaving the ending open. Whether he forgives them or not is up to yall. 

The fake dating was always a bi-product to the plot! This was supposed to be about confronting his past okay.

Thank you for reading! See you in my next mini series!!

[swtltlmrvlgrl]

Is it Real? (End)

Chapter Summary:  "The end."

Pairing:  Steve Rogers x Reader

Warning/s:  Break up; Heartache

Number of Words: 1,567

Y/N = Your Name

Part 1 - Part 2- Part 3 - Part 4 - Part 5 - Part 6 - Part 7 - Part 8 - Part 9 (End)

Tom leads the way and you follow suit - making sure there's enough distance between you two. He walks through the streets, into the park and stands in front of a bench - the same bench where you sat down with Steve and admitted that you still loved Tom. He turns to you, motions his hands and points at the bench, as if telling you to sit down.

“You really like being in control, don’t you?” Tom was taken aback by your comment.

“Y/N.” He responds as calmly as possible. “I just want to talk.”

“I think we’re way past the talking stage, Tom. Or do I have to remind you that it’s been five years since you left me with just a note.” You rebut.

“Please.” Tom reaches out for your hand, but you quickly take it away. He sighs in defeat and puts his hand in his pocket, shuffles his hand a little and slowly slides it up. By the time his hands were fully out of his pocket, you can see sandwiched between his thumb and his index finger, a small object.

A ring.

He raises it up at the same level as your chest, like he’s handing it to you… like he’s waiting for you to take it.

Is that small object supposed to make me shut up?

Am I supposed to forgive him because of this?

You can feel the anger that you’ve been trying to suppress all these years, boiling at the pits of your stomach. The heat from your stomach rushes through your veins and into your hands. One moment your arm is resting at your side, and then the next moment you feel the palm of your hand burn from the collision with Tom’s cheeks. You slapped him, and truth be told, it felt good.

The silence after the slap dragged on for what felt like a long time. Tom slowly puts down his ring-bearing hand on his side.

“I was planning to propose to you.” He breaks the silence. “I came to the restaurant early, an hour early actually, and you know me, Y/N, I’m never late...and then I - “ He clears his throat. “I started thinking about the future with you and then I suddenly felt unready, I felt scared. I wanted to run away.”

“And you did.” You cut him off.

“And I did.” He echoes your comment. “I’m so sorry, Y/N. I hope you understand.”

“Understand.” You repeat Tom’s last word, leaving a bitter taste on your mouth. “For five freaking years, Tom. I’ve been trying to understand you. I’ve been trying to defend you.” Your voice is louder and clearer now. “But did you even stop to think -” You pause for a moment. ”Did you even stop and try to understand me?” You scoff and point your finger and push it in his chest, you push as hard as you could to make him feel this pain, the pain. “Why am I even asking? Of course, you didn’t. Because if you did, we wouldn't need to have this conversation now, won’t we?”

Tom holds your hand and tries to calm you down. “Listen. Listen to me, Y/N. The fact that you’re affected by this, the fact that you’re still hurt, right now. That means you still have feelings for me. Maybe… you still love me. Maybe … we can try again.”

You raise your eyebrows, shake your head in disagreement and pull your hand away in disgust. “Do you even hear what you’re saying?” You respond, exasperated. “But you know what, okay. I’ll make this clear for you. The reason I’m hurt right now is not because of you.” Tears start to fall, and you take a deep breath. You’ve been depriving yourself of this confession. Being left behind by Tom is painful, but admitting the truth is worse.

“It’s because of me, because I chose you over me. Everyday I was scared too, Tom. I was insecure that I was not good enough for you, or if I’m good enough now, what about the future, will I still be good enough? That’s why I listened to you. I followed you. I tried to be the best version of a girlfriend for you. Heck! I was even ready to leave my best friend for you.” You wipe away the tears from your eyes. “And I was stupid, I was so stupid to think that even if I was scared of the future, I will always have you with me. But joke’s on me.” You stand up straight and move closer to him, making sure that he’ll hear every single word that you’ll say “One time, Tom. ONE TIME.” Your voice is loud and steady, confident and powerful. “You got scared one time and that’s all it took for you to leave me.” You put emphasis on the last two words, to rub it on Tom’s face for the hundredth time.

Silence.

You can hear the loud beating of your own heart. Breathing becomes difficult. You sit down and rest your elbows on your thighs as you try to take slow, steady and deep breaths.

Tom is standing like a statue, probably surprised by your burst of anger. You never had this kind of fight when the two of you were together. He had never seen you this angry before, whenever you had misunderstandings you would always talk it out. Whenever you felt like you did something wrong you would apologize immediately. Whenever he does something wrong, you will always make him understand how he hurt you.

The two of you dealt with your issues diplomatically, calmly.

But was it really the two of you dealing with the issues, or was it just you?

Tom sits down at the bench beside you and starts speaking. “When I thought of building this future with you, my mind just went blank and I wasn’t used to that. You know me, Y/N. I know you do. I always have plans. I have visions.” Tom’s voice was shaking, you can tell that he’s on the verge of crying. “At that time, they all just disappeared, I didn’t know what to do and it terrified the shit out of me.”

“Maybe the reason you didn’t see it, is because we weren’t supposed to have it. That future isn’t supposed to exist.” You answer him with conviction, and finality.

“Please don’t do this Y/N.” Tom moves closer to you. “I only did that because I thought I was doing what’s best for us.”

You look at Tom, straight into his eyes. There was something shining from his eyes but you did not feel the need to wipe it away. You did not feel the need to hug him, to protect him… to love him. “That's the point isn’t it, Tom. You always make it seem like you’re always doing what’s best for us. But it always has been about what’s best for you , what’s convenient for you.”

You stand and position yourself in front Tom. “This time I’m doing what’s best for me. And right now, the best for me is not having you in my life.”

“Y/N. Please.” Tom reaches for your hand in desperation, and for the last time, you pull your hand away.

“This is the end.”

You turn your back on him and walk away.

This is the end.

-----

So this is what freedom feels like. The shackles that you’ve been dragging for the past few years, preventing you from moving forward are now gone. Your steps feel lighter, as if you’re flying.

You see Steve, across the street, standing in front of the apartment building. You don’t even know why but your legs start moving as you run towards him, as fast as you can.

You’re happy, joyful, and free and you want to celebrate every moment of it with Steve.

Steve’s sees you and opens his arms wide.You jump at him and he catches you, causing the two of you to giggle.

“Someone’s feeling giddy today.” Steve says.

You laugh. “I’m just happy to see you.”

Steve pulls his head back to look at you. “You were?” You can see his eyebrows rising to taunt you. You lightly punch his chest in retaliation and the two of you start giggling again.

kThe two of you allowed that moment to linger for a few more moments, you and Steve just looking at each other’s eyes, with pure joy and happiness evident in each other’s eyes. Just being together, feeling each other’s warmth.”

“Were you waiting for someone?” You ask, almost a whisper, while still looking at his blue eyes.

You notice Steve’s smile growing bigger. The way he looks at you feels warmer and kinder and … full of love. It’s the same blue eyes that you’ve known for years, but it feels different. It made the butterflies in your stomach flutter. He caresses your cheeks and tucks away the stray hairs behind your ear.

“I was waiting for you.”

The way Steve says those words as if he’s been wanting to say those all his life, and you felt it. The butterflies in your stomach flutter more aggressively. And it’s not just the butterflies, your heart is beating fast too. You know what Steve is saying and he doesn’t need to say anything more.

“Thank you for waiting.”

E n d

A/N: Aaaaaaaah! I am so happy that I was able to finally, FINALLY, finish this fic. I started writing this fic 3 years ago. I abandoned it for a loooong time and now I've finished it. I know that it might have inconsistencies here and there but this fic really witnessed A LOT of things that I went through irl and aaaaaa I'm just really really happy that I was able to finish ;> I was actually thinking if I should end with an epilogue or something, but I really like ending my stories with beginnings. ( I don't know if anybody ever noticed that but yep fun fact!)

FEEDBACKS IS ALWAYS APPRECIATED! Don't forget to leave a comment about what you feel about this series!!