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darkficsyouneveraskedfor · 4 years

Text

Haven

Breach Masterlist

Warnings: non/dubcon sex (series), general angst

This is dark!Winter Soldier/Bucky and explicit. 18+ only.

Note: This was already posted on ao3 last week so I’m just putting it here too.

A few familiar characters show up and as for the timeline, as mentioned we're right after it was announced the Berlin Wall would come down, so we're in about 1990 atm. That means certain events in the MCU timeline have changed or haven't even happened!

I won’t demand but do ask for feedback; likes, reblogs, replies, comments, asks, especially on this series, but again, enjoy in your own way! <3 Love you!

Steve asked James, rather this man he called ‘Bucky, if he had a car. You thought it odd since James had sought the man out for help but you trusted that he was cautious enough for the both of you.

You’d left the car a few streets over. You sat in the back with Luka as he began to nod off and James drove as Steve gave directions. You hugged your son anxiously and inhaled the scent of his unwashed hair. You hoped you would have a bed for the night, if you were fortunate, a shower.

The street lights cast shadows on the men in the front as the New York streets passed by. Even a soviet-born Russian like yourself marveled at the infamous city. Never in all your life had you expected to end up there.

“You don’t live in Brooklyn?” James asked as his gripped the steering wheel.

“I do. Bought mom’s old place,” Steve answered, “But I can’t take you there, Buck.”

James was silent. He sighed as you pondered this friend’s name for him. ‘Bucky’. It sounded odd and didn’t seem to fit the man you knew. And yet, like much of his character, it confounded you. Perhaps it suited him after all.

“Not because of you, but to protect you,” Steve intoned. “Same reason we didn’t take my car.”

“Protect me?” James peeked in the rear view mirror as you stared at his silhouette.

“I’ll explain when we’re standing still,” Steve said curtly as he brushed back his hair with his fingers.

“Right,” James said grimly. “How ya doin’ back there?”

“Fine,” You answered in Russian without thinking. He nodded and continued on.

Silence pervaded the cramped space of the Chrysler as Steve pointed James down the next street. Luka’s soft snores floated around you and warmed your chest as he leaned against you. You dared to hope that you might sleep that night.

James pulled into an underground garage next to a high rise. The two men climbed out of the front seat and James opened the door for you and took Luka gently into his arms. The boy didn’t stir as he was cradled against his father. You stepped out into the smelly garage and Steve waved you onward.

He led you up a staircase and past several business housed in the building above. He stopped at an unmarked metal door one would assume was a utility closet and shoved a key in the slot. He opened it carefully and ushered you inside. The door closed heavily behind him as he flipped the lights on.

Within was a small living space that surprised you. There was a sofa, chair, a single bed in the corner, and a smaller door just beside the narrow counter along the wall. There was a square table at the far end with a boxy computer and an old telephone. James’s eyes scanned the room as if searching for some trap.

“A safehouse for now,” Steve explained. “This is my Plan B but haven’t had to use it so far.”

“Plan B for what?” James hissed.

“Just in case,” Steve shrugged. “It’s safe here, besides.” He strode past the couch and turned back. “This folds out.”

James nodded and crossed to the small bed in the corner. He sat as he laid Luka down and slipped him beneath the quilt. He touched his cheek before he parted and stood to face his old friend. Steve looked between the two of you.

“So, I take it you two met in Russia?” Steve chuckled. “You know, that’s a long way to go for a wife, Buck.”

James said nothing as he tucked his hands in his jeans pockets. The phone rang and Steve flinched as he grabbed it before the second chime. He put it to his ear and listened. He replied with two short words; “Eagle. Demo.”

The line clicked loudly from the mouthpiece and Steve replaced the phone in its cradle.

“We have tonight,” Steve stated as he leaned against the table and crossed his arms. “You can rest. Get clean up in the shower,” He nodded towards the other door, “There’s food in the cupboard. Basic rations but we’ll get better tomorrow.”

“Then what?” James asked sharply. “We go to S.H.I.E.L.D.? That’s who you’re with, right?”

“I am and I’m not,” Steve answered. “But the important thing is I know people who can keep you safe.”

“Safe? Do you even know what we’re running from?” Bucky sneered.

“Not hard to guess,,” Steve tilted his head and sniffed. “Buck, do you have any idea how unbelievable this is? That you’re still alive? How much of a relief it is?” He dropped his arms and pushed himself away from the table. He crossed to James and clapped his shoulder, “Bucky.”

The other man winced and grabbed Steve’s hand. He pushed it away and held up his own. He slowly rolled his glove up his palm and slid free his fingers. He turned his metal hand in show and lowered it in shame.

“Can’t say they never gave me any gifts,” James uttered, “Though I would say I paid for it.”

Steve frowned as he watched James’ hand then looked him in the eye.

“Well, good thing I didn’t say anything about finding you in one piece,” Steve scoffed.

“Ha,” James snorted and shook his head. “You promise your friends are gonna play nice?”

“You trust me?” Steve challenged.

“Always,” James avowed.

“They’ll play nice.” Steve assured him, “But you know it’s not that simple.”

“I know,” James grumbled as Steve brushed by him and went to the door, “But I’m not worried about me.” He paused and looked at you, then Luka, “You understand?”

“I do. You know we’ve always been as good as family, Buck.”

“That was a long time ago,” James insisted. “A different life.”

“Yeah,” Steve rested his hand on the door handle. “But we’re not so different.” Steve smiled and peered past James, “It was nice to meet you.” He opened the door slowly as he spoke. “You two have a good night. Get some sleep. You look like you need it.”

Steve shut the door behind him as he stepped out into the hallway. The door locked from the other side and James stared at the metal barrier. You stood behind him, still, silent, watching as he hung his head. You neared the couch and sat.

“James,” You said gently, “You are going to sit and tell me who Bucky is and how he knows Steve Rogers.”

James turned and swallowed as he looked at you. He approached reluctantly and sat beside you. He leaned back and gripped his thighs as if to brace himself. His fingers danced on his knee anxiously and he nodded.

“My name is James Buchanan Barnes and Steve Rogers is my best friend. We served together in Europe. We grew up together in Brooklyn. He was this kid, used to wear newspapers in his shoes, built like a toothpick. His mother, Sarah, was his only family besides me. But that was before I died in the war; before I was the Soldat…”

✰

James let you have the foldout couch to yourself. You were unused to the emptiness beside you but you hadn’t the heart to move Luka as he dozed soundly. James took his usual spot on the floor. He slept with his back against the door though you doubted he actually got much rest. You woke often and looked at him, sometimes his head slumped down, and others he seemed to stare endlessly into the dark.

James roused first and you sat up as you heard him open the cupboard. You grumbled and stripped the thin mattress before folding it away. You left the thin blankets in the chair as James turned on the single burner on the counter. He set the kettle atop it and turned to face you.

“Tea?” He asked. You nodded as he leaned against the counter.

Luka slept on and you let him until a knock came at the door and woke him. As James set out two mugs of steaming tea, three short raps came and had him frozen. He motioned for you to stay back as he neared the door and you went to Luka as he rubbed his eyes and sat up in confusion.

James unlocked the door and inched it open. His shoulders dropped and he stepped back to let Steve in. Another man followed him and James quickly stiffened. The man strode haughtily inside, his silver hair combed back neatly, as he wore a tailored suit that bespoke of money.

“Howard,” James greeted the strange man with a grimace. The door closed heavily and pierced the tension between them. “Why’s he here?”

“He’s a friend. A real friend.” Steve said.

You helped Luka out of bed and sat him at the table with the box of tea biscuits you found in the cupboard.

“Don’t be rude, James,” You managed in your best English, “You ask if they want tea.”

“James,” The man he called Howard chuckled.

James sighed. “Do you want tea?” He asked tersely.

“We’re good,” Howard answered with a smirk. “So, I think my first question is where they came from?” He pointed at you and Luka. “Lucky the kid looks like his mom.”

“Really, Steve? This jackass.”

“Buck, you don’t understand. S.H.I.E.L.D., it’s not… not safe. There're approximately three people you can trust in this country and we’re two of them.” Steve insisted.

“Three? Who’s the third?”

“Peggy,” Steve replied curtly. “Everyone else, well, we’ve figured there hand-in-hand with the bastards who chased you here.”

“Hydra?” James asked, Steve nodded. “They’re here? Where?”

“Calm down,” Howard strolled around the room as he felt around in his jacket. “We’ll fill you in once you do the same for us.” The man stopped beside Luka and pulled out a bill. “Here, kid, maybe later you’re mother can take you out to buy some candy.”

Luka’s eyes rounded at the money and you nodded to him. “What do you say, mishka?”

“Thank you, sir,” He smiled and accepted the money.

“You didn’t have to--” You said as Howard grinned.

“Got a boy myself. Bit older but I miss when he was smaller. Easier to handle.” He said. “And I’m fairly sure those cookies are well past stale.”

“So it’s just the three of you? Against Hydra?” James interjected. “You really think you can help me?”

“We have safeguards,” Howard turned back. “And it’s better to keep enemies close.”

“Not Hydra,” James’ hands balled into fists. “You don’t understand--”

“No, but we want to try.” Howard neared him. “Look, I’d say that kid is what? Four? Five? And there was a certain Soviet assassin that just up and disappeared as many years ago. A certain experiment abandoned after its perpetrators were slaughtered… think maybe you can fill in the details?”

James paled and looked to you. His eyes fell to Luka and he blinked. “Not in front of the kid.” He glanced at Steve pleadingly. “I’ll talk,” James snarled, “Just… the boy. He can’t--” He took a breath. “Come on, Howard. You said you had a son, too. Please.”

“It’s early, we don’t have to get into it right now,” He raised his hand defensively. “I just needed to know that I was right.”

“And I need to know that you’re gonna keep them safe. I don’t care about me, but they didn’t do anything.” James stepped closer to the man until they were chest to chest. “You swear to me that they’re safe and I will tell you everything.”

“Mother knows something too, she must,” Howard said.

“I tell you,” You stood and squeezed Luka’s shoulder before you left him. “But as James say, not in front of boy.”

Howard considered you then turned back to James. “We’ll move you tonight. Bigger place, much nicer too. Then, we’ll have a long debriefing.” He turned to Steve and checked his watch. “You keep them here until I can get it sorted out. You know the rules.”

“Got it,” Steve said. “And Peggy?”

“One thing at a time,” Howard said as he went to the door, “As far as she’s concerned, you took the day off.”

#bucky barnes #Winter Soldier #dark winter soldier #dark!wintersoldier #bucky barnes x reader #fic #series #breach #dark fic #dark!fic #mcu #marvel #Steve Rogers

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sporadic-writer · 4 years

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Welcome to the Neighborhood pt. 2

Note: ok so I know that not all of the boys, meaning both twins, live with the others. And I know my update schedule sucks but I go in a block and funk. Sorry guys. I just want you to read something I would read and truly enjoy. Also, I think I may make this a Haz fic bc ones about hin deserves more love and notes.

No one really reads these but I also think I'll write this for Harrison bc when Tom posted the pic of Nadia, it shattered the illusion in my head lol and it feels weird to a certain extent to write when he is most likely dating her. Don't get me wrong, I'm so happy for him and he doesn't know I exist, but it feels odd idk. So im pausing on Tom stuff atm lol. Harrison is single as far as publicly that ik so thats that 😅

Pairing: Harrison x Reader (most likely)

Warnings: mentions of weed, alcohol, and swearing. I enjoy all these things responsibly and ik im not the only one. As always stop reading if you dont like something.

Part 1 here initial teaser here (got around 100 notes soo 😎 check that out)

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“Alrighty boys. That’s enough about me, tell me about yourselves. I only know this one from the big screen and that 2 of you are brothers.” You gestured to Tom as you spoke about him. “And from basic eavesdropping I gather you are all very close.”

Tom smiled, “Actually I’m a brother to the twins, older obviously.” It was fun having a celeb lounging in your hot tub, drinking a beer with you. “But yeah I am an actor, Spider-Man as you probably know. Harrison’s an actor too!”

“Oh my god you are! I watched Catch-22 on Hulu! Comedy my ass..! I balled my eyes out several times.” He had the nerve to laugh in response. “Don’t laugh! That shit got intense quick. Then the shot where you all are swimming? Killed me. I don't know how I didn't notice you. Sorry!”

“Did you at least like it?” He smiled and asked hopefully. When you nodded yes he beamed! “Well then that’s all that matters. I will say an American accent is hard.”

You brought your beer up to your lips. “Yeah because your guys’ accent is so easy. You make fun of how different areas in America have different accents but it’s the same here!” They nodded in agreement at your words. You leaned your head back a tad and enjoyed the warm water. “Southern accents have different twangs bepending on the area, I have family that lives closer to New England, that's something all in its own. Just like here. You got London, Wales, some place called Essex and other places more north of here. It's not just the US." You reached over for your joint to finish it amongst the bubbles. "Now for real. Tell me about yourselves. Harrison you start I guess."

"Why me?"

"Shorter wikipedia page." You smirk as you re-lit your herb. The guys laughed and made 'ooh' noises to tease. "I'm kidding! Relax a touch. I just picked your name because you are right in front of me."

"Well I've known this lot since we were all kids. Tom and I went to school together and we have been stuck with each other since. I was his personal assistant for a while too." You listened as he spoke. Sweat was building up on his face from the hot tub. It added a nice shine to his, and everyone's faces. In order to avoid makeup running everywhere you sat up as you listened to him. You watched his eyes watch your movements as you took a hit and slowly exhaled. Almost like he was relaxing from watching someone relax from getting high without actually doing so. He kept going and you realized you zoned out a tad. "And then I wanted to do more than just model so I did more auditions and Catch-22 became my biggest so far."

You nodded, noting you heard and were listening. "That's cool and all but tell me like favorite song, movie, animal! Hahaha it isn't everyday famous people are in my hot tub. I'm going to savor this first encounter!" He smiled and answered your sort of questions. You offered the joint around before it finished. Tom passed, Tuwaine and Harrison took quick hits though. "But yeah that is me. Now someone else go so I don't have the spot light on me anymore." He looked at you as he said that and handed you the last bit. You winked in thanks, and to flirt lightly. (Shoot your shot right?) "Same questions to you love."

You responded your favorite song, movie, and color to him. "Yeah I like a bit of everything. But funny movies are my favorite. Obviously I like Marvel too Tom don't worry. Same goes for music but my preference ranges from new pop to older rock. I grew up on 80s alternative pop stuff." You smiled at him and he beamed in pride at the brand he represented. "Ok Sam you now."

Sam starts talking about his life and Harrison goes to grab more drinks. At this point the sun as almost finished setting and you tell the blonde how to turn the deck lights on. Soon the rows of edison bulbs flick on and a lovely mood is set. The glow isn't too bright and adds a nice light to your summer tanned skin. What you don't know is that the gentlemen appreciated the glow as well. However, they are too polite to say anything too bold after just meeting you.

If you could read minds or be sober enough to detect a certain lack of subtlety you would pick up on how the single men checked you out as you got out of the tub to get rid of the roach. Polite of course, 20 something men are going to appreciate a beautiful American girl right in front of them.

And if they could read your mind they would hear how you were taking in Tom and Harrison's jaw lines and toned muscles. How you appreciated Tuwaine's smile and height. Then add the twin's curls and freckles to the list and they'd think you were picking them like boys from a catalogue. Despite the slight oggling on your part, your eyes always wandered back to the blonde hair blue eyed boy the most. He seemed a little more laid back then Tom. Probably just because one was working more than the other, but that was just initial vibes you got. Regardless of vain appearance choices and vibe preference, all these boys were wonderful and you were just lucky enough your uncle's hot tub fit them all nicely.

Tuwaine smiled cheekily and spoke up. "Alright, we all have fresh drinks and proper buzzes. Let's make it fun and play a game. So Y/N, you went to college in the states, give us a classic drinking game and show us what you got."

"Ha! I don't know what you're looking for but I assume never have I ever is universal? You can't play kings or flip cup in a hit tub. Hold up 5 fingers, put them down if you've done said thing, drink as well."

"No fingers, just play till we are right pissed." Harry grinned and everyone else went along with it. "I will start. Never have I ever- wait this a normal game or sexy version?"

You said you didn't care and Tom said what the hell, so he continued. "Never have I ever gotten walked in on during a scandelous activity." Tom and Harrison both drank and groaned saying they have both walked in on each other at some point in life. Tuwaine continued.

"Never have I ever fooled around while someone else is in the room." There was a pause and no one drank. But then you rose your beer to your lips and they all looked at you in a manner of surprise and demand for explination.

Shrugging you said, "Old drunken hookup in school. We didn't know his roommate was in his top bunk asleep until it was too late. The mistake we made was keeping on going when we thought we heard him, because we did..."

"Wow Y/N. Learning a lot about the neighbor girl right away!"

"Shut up this game was your idea!" You laughed as you spoke in response to his teasing. "But whatever it's my turn now anyway. Never have I ever sent a dirty text to the wrong person." That got all but Harrison and you felt proud for getting them. "Alright so you are either morons or were in a rush to send that sext."

Tom defended himself saying her name was Sam and it was instant regret the second he realized.

Sam glared at him and said, "Yeah no one enjoyed that bro. I'm still shaken up about it."

"Get over yourself it was like 5 years ago! And you accidentally sent your friend Jake one, so pot, kettle, hi both black."

"It was detailed!"

You just sat there amused taking this all in. "I am so glad this happened tonight." You said more to yourself than them.

"Darling if this ends up in the tabloids we will never speak again." They were teasing with the threat. "But come on this is good let's keep going. Never have I ever done it in a car." You, Sam, and Tuwaine all drank and giggled.

The game continued on and another round of drinks were had. You learned Tuwaine had said the wrong name in bed. Also, that both Harry and Harrison have fooled around during family functions. In return they learned that you've hooked up in a college classroom and in a restaurant bathroom. That ended up getting you and your former boyfriend kicked out of the establishment. Towards the final round all were getting sleepier but still in a good mood.

"Never have I ever had sex high." Harrison challenged the group. No one drank. "Wait really? Thought I'd get you with that. Finish your beer and all." He looked at you as he spoke.

"Nope. Just never happened now that I've thought about it. Huh. You'd think right? But nope. Not that I'm opposed." You ended your statement by glancing his way while finishing your beer anyway. Harrison just watched the way your neck moved as you tilted your head back. "Ok boys this was fun but I am gettin tired."

Tom nodded. "Same here. Thank you for having us darling, it was fun!" The others spoke in agreement and you smiled at them saying they were welcomed back anytime. They offered to help clean but you grabbed the remaining bottles and told them you were good. After final goodbyes, you told them to not he strangers, you were all in your respective homes.

You went to bed pretty quick. Next door, at their place Tom, Harrison, and Sam lingered to get some water before bed. "She was really cool." Sam said while sipping water.

Harrison hummed in agreement. "Yeah I think so too. Very chill and all that."

Sam smirked and playfully said, "You just think she's fit mate." There was a pause.

"Well she is." It was Tom who said that and the others looked at him in playful shock. "What I'm not blind! She is! She's isn't some shy girl freaking out over us. She's cheeky and just seems normal about us living next to her. More Harrison's type though I'd say."

Sam laughed. "Yeah he always liked the classic American 'girl next door' type. Just a bonus she is actually American this time." They paused for Harrison to negate their statements but he just sipped his water and looked at them with a glint in his eyes. "Told you." Sam said as he took a sip. "She is better than half the models either of you bring back. Nuerons fire and she can keep a conversation. Not that all models are like that! But come on you went out with some stereotypes." Neither could disagree. Sometimes you just want to have a date with the beautiful face. Long term needs substance though, and both Tom and Harrison thought you had it all.

"We need to invite her over tomorrow, and any time she's free." Groundwork was to be established and Harrison was determined to get to know you more.

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As always, like and reblog! I hope you like it! Also if i forget to tag someone lmk, same if you wanna be tagged or not tagged. Feedback and notes are appreciated but be nice haha I edit as best I can. Thanks for reading and enjoying.

Tags: @jillanaholland @averyfosterthoughts @sarah-m-limelight-2007 @astridcommings

#fanfic #tom holland x reader #tom holland fanfiction #harrison osterfield fanfiction #harrison osterfield x reader #tom holland #fanfiction #marvel #marvel fanfiction #harrison osterfield fluff #harrison osterfield

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edengarden · 4 years

Note

heyooo, could i request a normal BNHA matchup?

I’m a 5’2 gay male, black hair, freckles, green eyes, sort of on the chubby side? I sometimes wear glasses and either dress like a hobo, middle school boy, or femboy lol.

Anyways besides looks- I’m kind of,,, weird. I’m pagan, and I really like nature even though I’m kind of a germaphobe when it comes to being outside.I’m autistic so there's that, It’s usually hard for me to make new friends bc I come on rather,,, strong and hate the awkward first meeting phase. But when I do manage to make friends I’m always there for them in whatever they need and always do my best to help them through their problems (if they want) or just listen. I’m also selectively mute, but when I do talk I usually have a stutter, so I prefer to listen to other people talk. But when I do talk it’s usually about my special interests or something I'm into like Star Wars (a really big one atm), snakes, and the colour yellow. Speaking of snakes, I have a snake named Shigaraki and a tarantula named Princess :)

Some negative traits about me… I can be quite a jealous person. And I have these sort of sad episodes? I’ll kind of stay in my head and overthink waaayyy too much so that’s not fun. Oh another thing, I usually have a hard time telling when I should back off? Like I constantly worry about if I’m being ‘too much’ or if I should give my partner or friends some space. Oh and I’m reeallyy bad at bringing myself down and talking negatively about myself casually. And I’m hella self conscious lol-

Some things I enjoy,,, I don't do much besides work, but when I have free time I enjoy writing for my friend, story-based video games, and I really like cooking. When I have time to relax, I like to read manga and Harry potter, I don’t really read many new books anymore. Kinda random but I also enjoy knitting too lol. My hogwarts house is Slytherin, and I’m a capricorn :)

My music taste is… a bit complicated. On one hand, half of my playlist is Steven Universe songs, then I have stuff at every end of the spectrum like Dean Martin, Mother Mother, Savage Ga$p, Freddie Dredd, Corpse Husband, and a variety of J-Pop artists (don’t come for me, J-Pop is better than K-Pop), and a few random sorta indie songs scattered around my playlist. Atm my favorite songs are Verbatim, Escapism (from SU), Line Without A Hook, and Inertia.

What I look for in others, hmmm, I guess someone who can carry a conversation and is good at like, picking up on things ya know? Someone who can be really patient with me and stuff, someone who loves kids, oh and someone who’s willing to watch Star Wars with me, thats a big one lmao.

Something I’d avoid would be a disrespect of others boundaries, a really judgy person, like someone who hates on others or something they do for literally no reason, and someone who’s unnecessarily hateful to babies/toddlers/kids. Idk that one just bothers me a lot lol. And someone who gets frustrated easily, I grew up in a toxic and abusive household so thats a no go for me.

This ones kind of complicated but here’s my quirk!! I came up with it on my own so I really don’t know if someone has something similar,,,

Okay, so my hero name is Hallucino! Similar to Aizawa, my quirk activates when I look at/lock eyes with someone and the effect drops when I blink. So once they’re under the effects of my quirk, I can make them hallucinate and see any sort of setting I want. My signature setting/move is called Vertigo, it’s sort of a trippy LSD setting? So it makes the person nauseous and, well, like they have vertigo. I can create people in the hallucination, but it really wears me out and gives me a migraine. When they’re in that state they can't see the real world, and can faintly hear, but they can feel everything in the outside world. Anyways I think my quirk’s pretty damn cool.

(Wow thats so much I’m so so sorry-- also I hope it’s okay if I copy and paste this and request a Tokyo ghoul matchup? Your work is really amazing please take your time-- also sorry if it’s spaced weird I’m new to tumblr)

You can go ahead and copy paste for TG, yeah!!

Your quirk is AWESOME!! It sounds so cool 👁👄👁 I love it.

I’m matching you up with Mirio!

You got like, THE best person on your side?? An absolute ray of sunshine. He’s SO approachable, like even if he notices you’re a bit shy at first, then he’ll actively make sure that you feel comfortable around him. While buddy boy does that to everyone, he always looks forward to talking to you specifically. He LOVES when you start talking about the things that you love. He could just sit there, and listen and soak in all the information. And then when he reminds you that he WAS indeed listening by referencing to something, and your eyes light up? Mirio could cry.

I feel like this guy has little to no sense of personal bubble? I mean his quirk doesn’t exactly allow it, either... what I mean by this is that it takes a lot for Mirio to be scared off, so your autism? Not a problem, he’ll learn and he’ll be good to go. Your lack of ability to tell when to back off? He might never need to actually talk to you abt it, but if he does he knows exactly how to talk abt it in a way that won’t hurt you.

MIRIO INTERACTING WITH KIDS WILL GIVE YOU BABY FEVER I AM WARNING YOU. This guy is so sweet to kids and wowow- he’s so patient and kind and you see him at his best (and worst) and you’d fall for him so far, and sometimes you may find yourself wondering how or if he feels the same way towards you but what you don’t know is just like you’re watching him when his attention is somewhere else, he does the same for you. And if you could just see the lovesick expression on his face I swear- buddy is so deep in.

Songs!!! (Y’ALL ARE IN SOFT TERRITORIES BITCH)

- Love Like You, Steven Universe

- Sofia, Clairo

- Sad Song, Michael Barrow & The Tourists

- Soul Love, David Bowie

#mha #bnha #bnha matchup #mha matchup #togata mirio

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silvanable · 4 years

Text

Tag Game - Get to Know Me

Answer the questions below and tag 11 people you want to know better!

i was tagged by @moody-typos and it looked like fun so i thought why not.

. • . • . • . • .

1. What do you prefer to be called name wise?

silv, silvy, or silvana. i don’t particularly mind as these are all technically the same. so all of them i guess are my preferred name.

2. When is you birthday?

june 26th!

i like to remark that’s the day the US legalized gay marriage in all 50 states back in 2015 so i was born to be gay. 🏳‍🌈🌈

3. Where do you live? (You don’t have to give city, you can give the state if you’re USA or country if you’re overseas)

US if the previous statement wasn’t obvious.

another hint: it’s hot and it rains too much here. good luck finding me~

4. Three things you are doing right now?

writing ( non-fanfic work ), listening to music ( FEEL NOTHING atm ), & working on headcanon requests from my inbox.

5. Four Fandoms that have your peak interest right now?

my hero academia, ikemen sengoku, mr. love queen’s choice, & castlevania. these are currently my most consistent hypes that won’t let me go.

6. How has this pandemic been treating you?

at first i thought it would be great but i’ve been stuck inside ( i literally have not been passed my mailbox or even near it ) for 3 months or so now. i’m ready for it to be over because i would like to enjoy my summer while i still have the opportunity.

overall i’m stressing myself out and unmotivated to do a lot of things.

7. A song you can’t stop listening to right now?

Contagious by NIGHT RIOTS, been obsessed with it since February of 2019.

but i also recommend:

Fashion Forward (Acoustic) by The Home Team

I Miss Having Sex But At Least I Don’t Wanna Die by Waterparks

8. Recommend a movie.

Birdbox. Sandra Bullock is in it ( reason enough for me ) it’s a great sort of horror/thriller movie that really builds suspense by your imagination. if you’re easily scared i do not recommend it because your mind will definitely work against you.

A milder movie ( that isn’t horror ) would be Mad Money. it is a hilarious movie about 3 women from entirely different backgrounds that work at and rob a high security bank ( and all for different reasons ). the characters are quirky and well put together.

both are on the US netflix but i’m not sure about anywhere else.

9. How old are you?

not old enough to drink yet. yet.

10. School, University, Occupation, Other?

i’m in university. i’m studying to become an accountant ( but so far my business classes have only taught me how to destroy the economy in my favor while jumping through legal loopholes oof ).

11. Do you prefer heat or cold?

definitely cold. i hate both if we’re talking weather but i can cope with cold. i tend to get even more tired in the cold and it helps me sleep ( hibernate technically ).

12. Name one fact about you that others may find unusual.

well... if i’m being honest, i have very horrible eyesight ( i’m almost completely blind in one eye ) and people seem more than a little worried when i tell them i can incapacitate a humanoid target from a 100 yards ( ~92 meters, at least ) and i have the target poster to prove it.

i won’t get into it but if you want to know how that poor poster is doing just let me know.

13. Are you shy?

relatively. if i know you, i’m the loudest damn person you know, or if it’s a matter of discussion, i tend to have a very powerful persona ( or so i’m told ).

generally i will not talk to people and keep to myself though. people make me nervous and i struggle to cope with anxiety so i don’t go out of my way to talk to people ( so i just end up sneaking glances if you pique my interest but i can’t say anything to you ).

14. Do you have preferred pronouns?

i prefer they/them, however, i still align with female attributes so she/her is legit too. whichever, i’m not picky about it.

15. Biggest pet peeve?

slow walkers. this might not be #1 but it’s definitely up there. i walk incredibly fast ( especially for a person with short legs ) and have long strides. if you’re in front of me and blocking my way, you can bet i’m going to mow you over. i will not slow down.

16. What is your fave ‘dere’ type?

the first one to come to mind was yandere and it’s probably true. it’s the mindset of the yandere that draws me in. if they’re written and played out well they become people who we’re teetering on the edge of becoming if we aren’t careful. i love that terrifying feeling of “i could be that if i just step wrong”.

17. Rate your life 1-10, 1 being really crappy and 10 being best it could ever be.

i really don’t want to do that, because i’m in an okay place and sometimes i’m in bad or good, but really it depends on the moments, people, and little messages that make it better. just depends on the time of day.

18. What is your main blog?

@moonsirens

haven’t honestly decided what i’ll do with it so it will probably just be a repost and dump?

19. List your side blogs and what they are used for.

one of them is private that i can’t tag & it’s used for roleplay stuff ( aesthetics, character files, images, etc ).

@spellbound-doodles which is my art blog i am still to chicken to post to. i should but sharing personal works, stories, & art is really hard for me ( a best friend had to make an instagram for my art for me to get me to start posting! )

20. Is there anything you think people need to know about you before becoming friends with you?

expect me to bother you about my dog and the horrible jokes my brother made that i absolutely have to share because they made me laugh so hard i cried.

also, footnote, i’m satan soooo-

but that’s a story for another time.

. • . • . • . • .

tagging : most people i’m vaguely familiar with have been tagged, so i guess whoever wants to snatch it up and give it a shot? i’ll tag you then-

#tag game #what's a silv

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mcrmadness · 4 years

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Music tag game

Got tagged by @hanhan156, thanks!

Again my texts got super long and you don’t NEED to write this much, just mention a song and go to the next one, but nope, not me :D I love talking about music anyway even tho I understand absolutely nothing of it but idc, at least I’m having fun XD (Plus I apparently haven’t been talking nor writing too much lately because of exhaustion and migraine so now all that talkativeness came out in the form of this post lol.)

☀️ A song stuck in your head when you woke up this morning: Today there was nothing, but I recently listened to the Lindemann album F&M again and have had those songs randomly play in my head. Currently I think it’s Knebel, but this other night it was Ach so gern (Pain Version) (it was playing in my dream and then I woke up with it still playing in my head) which I’m actually almost obsessed with now and I like this version so much more than the original version, and it might even be my favorite song on the album now :D The synth and chorus melody in this song is just what gets me every time.

⚠️ A song you love by a band you strongly dislike: I don’t really have bands I’d dislike? There’s just bands I love/like or don’t like. There’s some songs from bands or artists that I might even enjoy hearing when they play on radio (radio rant later on lol) but it just more of makes me disappointed and sad when a band does not have more good songs than just one or two. So I don’t really listen to them ever either because if something is good, I want MORE but when there’s no more, I just... it’s like “all or nothing” :D But I think I could mention here now a song that I’m pretty much obsessed with atm and it’s again the only good song I’ve heard from this band, and I know this band only because the singer-guitarist used to be in Apulanta in the band’s earlier times. This song is Korvaamaton by Varjo. I wouldn’t say I love the song tho, but currently it sounds pretty good but who knows, maybe I’ll find it boring in the future. But the last minute of the song is my favorite part of the song, I’m a sucker for instrumental music and long instrumental solos and that part is just amazing and I probably would find this song pretty dull and would not go back to it this often if it didn’t have that ending.

🙄 A song you dislike by a band you love: This is like the biggest unpopular opinion to exist probably but I just cannot stand Geschwisterliebe by Die Ärzte. I’m sorry Farin, but I just cannot listen to that song :D Sometimes it makes me feel so bad because it’s become so iconic song for the band and Farin seems to be kinda proud of it and I totally get that, but for my own personal reasons, I just cannot listen to that song. I never liked it even when I didn’t know what it was all about and even less when I learnt what it was about, and now it’s literally making me feel sick whenever it starts playing because I’m now so far at my German skills that I’m starting to understand German lyrics whenever I listen to music. And it’s just making me so uncomfortable because of my anxiety and stuff that I just always have to skip this song. The punk rock version they did a few times live is good, tho, that one I like but the original or other live versions? Not so much.

🐤 First song you recall from childhood: Hmmmm. This is hard because the FIRST song??? I remember so much music from my childhood and I don’t know if I should talk about music that was made for kids or maybe other stuff I was into as a kid. Probably my oldest music memory is again about movies, probably even The Lion King or Toy Story, or the Moomins! Those have definitely defined my taste in music too because I hated every Disney film with their boring songs but I loved The Lion King and even Toy Story had such a good soundtrack. But I don’t want to mention these as the first songs because technically they are not songs but scores... so hmmmm. Damn, this is so difficult! :D It’s probably some kids’ song I’ve been singing too, even tho I more often was singing songs I came up with while I was singing (and I stopped that somewhere when I was 7 years old or so). But gosh, I don’t know. I was often listening to the cassettes by this “rock band”, Fröbelin Palikat, that made music for kids in rock sound and damn they were good, my absolute favorite was “On vanha ukko kuollut”, it’s still pretty dope :D

And Rölli (originally a troll character that was to make music for kids but later got his own tv show and movies) was also awesome, I actually had the second album on vinyl and I was listening to that often, I think, and I still get nostalgic when I listen to that album and I’m sure it’s somewhere at my parents’ house but I just can’t find it anywhere! But Itsensäpelottelemislaulu is what I definitely remember from my childhood!!! The title means something like “A song to scare yourself” and I remember it being so terrifying when I was a kid, because he sings there things like there’s a scull somewhere and it made him scared, but it ended up being just an old football :D It’s like the definition of anxiety, first having panic over something irrational and then you find out it was nothing to worry about. And damn this whole album now, the next song also brings back some nostalgic memories that I can’t remember but can feel!!! I think this is it, this is the album and the first songs I can recall from my childhood.

😳 A song no one would believe you’d ever like: Hmmm... classical music! I don’t really listen to it because it’s super difficult to, like, start listening to? There’s so much and I have no idea where and how to start to. And I’m not into operas and I don’t know, it’s like it’s own world and you should know what you’re doing and it just sounds so difficult process so I’ve never done so, but sometimes, if I need music for concentration, I just look for “classical music for concentration/studying” or so from youtube and try to find something with Mozart in it. I don’t know too much about composers but I was very much obsessed with the movie “Amadeus” (-84) when I was younger and I still love that movie (I just rewatched it a few days ago!) and because of that movie, I notice some of Mozart’s music even now and I remember how at school we had to study composers, and how I liked Requiem already because of the movie but also overall I found it interesting, and I still get chills when I hear that certain part of this composition. I don’t even know how long this composition is and if there’s more to it than what’s in the movie and what was played to us at school, but I still like what I’ve heard and I’m always waiting for the moment this starts playing in the movie. Maybe I should go now and look for it from youtube and give it a listen if it’s not several hours long :D (I just looked for it and the full one if almost an hour long. Just like I guessed ::D But I also found a shorter video and omfg I’m getting so much chills from the violins and stuff.)

Of course it’s possible that I just associate the music so strongly with the movie because I also love movie soundtracks and video game soundtracks but I get obsessed with them only when I have seen a movie or played a game myself, otherwise it’s hard for me to get behind a movie/game soundtrack because the music usually is there to add more athmosphere to the events, so I think I love certain soundtrack pieces so much because they remind me of the events but I also feel so strongly about the events because the music is so overwhelmingly good there, and the combination is sometimes something that feels like it’s making my head to explode.

😯 A song you probably shouldn’t love but do: Why shouldn’t I tho? I don’t think I have any like these. But something I could mention here is that I don’t know why but for some reason, so often my favorite songs aka the songs with best melodies and sounds are either the most or only songs with some really strong sexual themes or vulgar stuff in them. And I don’t know why bands make the best music for songs with those lyrics??? I personally don’t really care about lyrics and the sound is what defines for me if I like a song or not so I don’t stop listening to a good song if I dislike the lyrics. But this is a reoccuring theme for me now and for example, one of my all-time-favorite Rammstein songs is called “Pussy” because of the melody and stuff. I have no problem with listening to the song but sometimes it feels a bit awkward if people are hearing because normally I’m safe here in Finland as not too many understand German, but this song also has parts in English in it and people here understand English a lot more. And I honestly don’t care what people think, but I just find this such a funny thing because I myself am an asexual. So I could’t even care less about sexual themes in anything but still so often my favorites HAVE those themes in them because bands just somehow makes those songs always sound the best :D And I have examples from so many bands and I still don’t know what’s with it because I literally don’t care about the lyrics there at all :D Or maybe it’s why - when I can’t relate to lyrics then it’s pretty much the same what they sing there and I can pay my full attention to the sound then. (But this doesn’t make sense because e.g. DÄ and Rammstein both sing in German and I’ve spent years without understanding a word and still I end up finding out my favorite songs are about the same themes. And there’s also another German band and my favorite song on an album has a vulgar word AS the title. So weird :D)

• You always switch it off when THIS one comes on: Pretty much just anything on radio. And the whole radio. Rage oncoming: I just HATE radio so much and at work it was always driving me mad when I wanted to listen to just _something but every channel and song made me angrier and angrier because they played nothing but shit. And even if the channel was okay, then the ads started to really get on my nerves. And some channels play this random compilation “ad” of the songs they play on their channel and when you hear this same clip with the same snippets of the same songs after every song, it starts to get REALLY frustrating. And you also start to memorize it too and whenever you hear some of the clips as a full song and that certain part comes, you actually hear the clip of the song that was next in this snippet compliation ad. This was why I started boycotting one of the stations. They also ruin songs for me when they use just one song from a band and play it every week. But to answer to the question properly: anything to do with Finnish reggae music. I just HATE THAT SO MUCH. It’s terrible, they sound like they don’t know how to sing or that they’re just standing somewhere with no posture and the wind is waving them around while they try to get random sounds out of their throats and it ends up sounding like they have super weak throats and it makes my throat hurt to listen to that (I don’t even sing but I can still physically feel people’s singing or speaking styles in my throat). I legit don’t know if it’s just the Finnish reggae style or if they are terrible singers disguised as reggae. I also can’t stand rap but especially not Finnish rap. Or pop songs that are nothing but random sounds made with computer and where they sound like a broken violin. So yeah, I have lots of hatred towards radio and what people nowadays call as music ::D (On top of all that, the radio station in Finland I hate the most plays only Finnish pop music. And it’s awful. And the same songs pretty much every day. Drives me crazy.)

💜 A song that makes you smile: Westerland (to the Max) by Die Ärzte, altho I’m from Finland even I’m already pretty fed up with this song so I skip the normal parts and listen to the funny ones only ::D And the other random remixes they did in the 80s always make me not only smile but laugh (Farin’s yodeling in 2000 Mädchen Wumme-Mix gets me every time), I normally hate remixes but DÄ has always taken that to another level too and I love it :DD

💔 A song that makes you cry: I don’t think I have any like this. I don’t really cry ever and especially not for songs, I can’t even recall ever crying for songs? o_O (WAIT now I know one! That one song in the Lion King where a major plot event happens!!! It’s called “To Die For”. I think pretty much everyone has seen this movie at some point but because of that scene, also the music alone makes me cry! :D I’m listening to this one now and I’m already (almost) crying lol. But it’s again linked to a movie scene and not because of the music itself. Also Hans Zimmer is a genius and my other favorite movie composer.)

🔥 A song that gets you motivated: Anything with happy energy in it. DÄ’s music is often great for this, but especially their album Planet Punk. But sometimes I don’t get only motivated but bit too energetic too and then I become hyperactive and then I’m unable to focus on anything really but hey, at least I’m having the happy energy myself, then :D

I’ll tag @stufenlosregelbar and @cupcakecurl again :D And remember that you can just write there a song title and nothing else if you don’t want to, and not do as deep dive into music stuff as I did here ::DDd

#mcrmadness' random stuff #tag games #music talk~

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smuttyassholes · 6 years

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Attention - Namjoon Smut

Request: You guys get to an after party late because you couldn't decide what to wear and he's clearly upset. Once you get there, he leaves with the rest of the boys for a few pics etc. And another idol comes & tries to flirtn & since u were mad w joon too, u do it a little back on purpose, joon notices & goes over (v defensive + he was already pissed) he pulls you to the restroom, lifts up ur dress only to realize ur not wearing panties and he fucks you infront of the mirror ;)

a/n: I know this probably didn’t go the way you expected it to, but my asshat of a professor decided to assign a whole ass book and a shit ton of textbook chapters/exercises on the first week and I’ve been swamped with a bunch of bullshit so I’m not all creative atm. Bare with me please. - asshole 4

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“How are you still not done yet?!” Namjoon yelled from the living room. “If you don’t hurry up we’re gonna be extra late.”

“We’re going to Leo’s first win after party, and you expect me to rush the way I look?!” You yelled back. He knew damn that Vixx was your all time favorite group, let alone Leo being your favorite artist. How dare he try to rush how you looked when it would be your first time meeting him.

“Whatever. I’ll be in the car.” You heard him grumble before hearing the door open and close.

You rolled your eyes. “Always so dramatic.” You sighed before scanning your lip tint collection for the perfect shade to compliment the rest of your makeup, and carefully applied it before giving yourself a quick once over before smiling at yourself.

You walked out of the room, went into the living room and grabbed your handbag before walking out and getting in the car.

The drive was silent but you could tell Namjoon was thoroughly upset, however, you didn’t get why. He’s been with you long enough to know that you take forever to get ready, it’s practically his fault for telling you five hours prior instead of giving you a formal heads up on the event, so you didn’t even bother pleading your case. It would be best to stay quiet and hope that you could enjoy the night.

By the time you got there, you checked the clock on your phone and saw that you were only shy of ten minutes late, so that made you a little more ticked off by Namjoon’s earlier actions. Mostly because you definitely weren’t the only late ones, even then, it’s not like it mattered because he left with the rest of boys to go take pictures right after you walked in.

That being said you walked around mindlessly, trying to see if you knew anyone. Though you probably didn’t, so you just decided to see if there were any drinks nearby, which thankfully you saw not too far from your current spot.

On your way over, you were suddenly bumped by a tall, well dressed man who smelled like expensive cologne. Part of you was ready to go off, but the other part was too distracted by the familiar pink hair color that stood out.

“Oh, fuck, I’m so sorry. I didn’t see you.” The familiar soft voice spoke down at you, and you momentarily forgot how to English as you stared up Leo. 95% because of shock, 5% because you didn’t think he was this tall in person.

“Uh. No. It’s fine.” You stuttered out and looked up and him. “It’s not like I fell or anything. Just a tiny bump.” You smiled.

“Still. I feel bad. You could’ve fell.” He frowned.

“No, really, it’s fine.” You insisted. “I mean, even if I did fall, it’s not like I’d hate you or anything. You’re too great for me to hate you.” You spoke before thinking and your eyes widened at the fact that you just nonchalantly said that, but before you could reply, you heard him chuckle, and you mentally cursed yourself.

“I’m so sorry. I totally didn’t mean to come off as weird.” You cringed at yourself.

“No, it’s nice to meet people that like me as an artist. Especially when they’re cute.” He smiled. And you didn’t know if it was the prior argument you were in with your boyfriend, or not but you played along with it, hoping your night wouldn’t end horribly after all.

“O-Oh.” You smiled shyly. “I’m just pretty average. Nothing special.”

“Well, to me you don’t seem ‘pretty average.’” He smiled, and you nearly swooned. His personality on camera was so different from how he’s acting. Was he really not as shy as he came off as?

“You’re pretty talkative for someone who acts so shy on camera.” You smiled up at him.

“No, I actually get pretty shy, but I feel comfortable around you for some reason.” He scratched the back of his neck and you saw his Adam's apple bob. It had been a good while since a man had been nervous in front of you. Namjoon was confident from the get go, and it was a blessing and a curse. You’d began to wonder if he ever even felt nervous around you before.

“Would you like a drink?” His voice pulled you from your thoughts, and before your voice could fail you, you quickly nodded your head, silently hoping you didn’t come off too eager.

You followed behind Leo as he led you to the counter and pointed at a chair for you to take, which you gladly accepted, but before you could sit, the clearing of someone’s throat interrupted, causing you to turn around and meet an unamused Namjoon.

“Are you really about to sit in that chair?” He glared and you scoffed.

“Yes. Now go back and play with your little friends like you have been. As you can see, I’m fine on my own.” You smiled at him and turned back to face Leo.

“Don’t worry about hi-” You started but Namjoon grabbed your hand to turn you around and drag you away.

“What the fuck?” You almost yelled, trying to get your hand out of his grasp, but to no avail, as you ended up being dragged into the nearest restroom.

“What the fuck was that?” He spat out.

“Am I not allowed to keep myself entertained while you abandon me?” You quirked a brow.

“You were flirting with him. It was obvio-”

“No. He was flirting with me. I never flirted back.” You stated matter-of-factly.

“Whatever that was. Why? Just because I was gone? Were you that desperate for attention?”

Your mouth dropped did he really just? “So, let’s get this straight. You don’t talk to me since we leave the house, we get here and you leave immediately after walking in, Leo comes up to talk to me and I finally get to talk to somebody, and then you rudely interrupt us because you finally wanna remember that I exist. Correct?” You quirked your head to the side.

He was silent, opting to breathe in heavy as a response.

“That’s what I thought.” You said, moving around so you could walk past him, and get out, but he quickly blocked the door.

“No. You can’t leave.”

“Why not.” You sighed. Completely fed up with whatever mood he was in.

“He’s your favorite artist. I don’t like the idea of leaving you alone with him.” He said quickly.

“Why? You think I can’t be faithful?” You questioned, feeling a little offended.

“No! Not that.” He almost yelled. Closing his eyes in frustration.

“Then what? I don’t have all damn night.” You looked up at him, trying to read the look in his eyes.

“I guess I’m just, I don’t know. Jealous.” He said, looking away.

You blinked at him. The embodiment of confidence is feeling jealous. It was unlike him.

“Does Leo make you that uncomfortable?”

“A little. I mean, you’ve done nothing but talk about him as your favorite artist ever and you’re always listening to his songs, and watching his videos. You’ve never given me and the guys that kind of attention.”

“Namjoon. Do you even hear yourself? I like him as an artist and just that. Not as a person. Sure, he’s hot and all, but I’ve been with you for almost a year. The least you could do is have some faith in me. Is it so bad to like your favorite artists? You used to be obsessed with watching girl group performances and I never once said anything. And I don’t give you guys the same attention because I can see it in person. I’ve never met Leo before, I can only ever watch videos and videos alone.”

You looked at him and waited for a reply, but you couldn’t get one. You sighed, giving up. “If you need me, I’ll be outsi-” Before you could finish your sentence, Namjoon grabbed your face and brought your lips to his, cutting you off.

The kiss was only soft for a few seconds before it got rougher, Namjoon pushing you against the sink, picking you up to place you on it.

“What just happened.” You whispered, pulling away a bit.

“I fucked up and now I’m apologizing.” Was all he said before placing his lips back on yours, giving you no room for further argument.

He tapped your thigh with his finger and you spread your legs so he could slip between them to be closer, his growing bulge pressing against your thigh, making you moan unconsciously, and move your hips towards him.

“Fuck.” He said, placing his hand on your lower back to hold you against him, groaning when it wasn’t enough. “Get up and turn around.”

By this point, there was no point in arguing. You slid off the sink and turned around so you faced the mirror in front of you, watching as Namjoon stared down at you while he undid his belt and slid his suit pants down before grabbing the helm of your dress and lifting it right above your ass.

“No panties?” He smirked, running his palms across the curves of your ass.

“They would’ve shown through the dress” You bit your lip as he squeezed the flesh of your ass in his hand.

“Smart girl.” He smiled, sliding his hands down to cup your heat, causing you to flinch, getting a hum in approval from him. “You’re always so sensitive.” He whispered to himself more than to you. “It never takes much to get you going.” He said while slowing sliding a finger into you, causing a small whimper to leave your lips.

“Do you think you can stay quiet for me?” He looked at you through the mirror, and you nodded. “Words.”

“Yes, I can stay quiet.” You sighed, as he slid his finger out, and spread your legs wider.

“Good.” Was all he said before sinking to his knees and placing his tongue flat against you, the feeling catching you off guard, and causing you to grip the sink for support. Your legs almost closing had it not been for Namjoon’s hold on your thighs, to pull you closer to him.

“Fuck, Joon, please. Do something.” You whined, backing yourself onto his face.

“But I am.” His muffled reply leaving the best vibrations in its wake.

“Eat me like you always do.” You whispered, reaching back with one hand to grab at his hair.

“Ask like a good girl.” He mumbled, drawing a small circle on your clit with his tongue.

“Please eat me like you always do.” You scrunched your eyes closed in frustration.

He hummed in response before poking his tongue inside you, then bringing it out to run up to your clit and suck on it, your legs tightening in response.

“Oh, shit.” You let out as he pushed two fingers into you, pumping at a reasonable pace to match his mouth, before speeding up, and curling ever so often, leaving you whimpering quietly while he did as he pleased, only stopping when your legs started to shake.

“I want you to look at yourself while I fuck you, okay?” He said breathlessly.

“Okay.” You swallowed hard, the thought turning you on even more as you looked into the mirror to see Namjoon grabbing his cock and pushing it inside you.

The both of you groaned as he bottomed out, and he stayed still for a moment, letting you adjust before you pushed back to give him the hint that he could move.

He brought his hips back, making slow and shallow thrusts, before gradually speeding up, causing you to grab onto the sink even harder to keep your body from moving too much. Not that you were complaining because watching Namjoon’s face scrunch up in pleasure was even more of a turn on. The way his eyebrows furrowed together or the way his suit still looked good while he was slamming into you made the situation ten times hotter.

“You look so good underneath me, you know that? You take my cock so well.” He grunted, placing a finger on your clit and rubbing lightly. “Like your pussy was made just for me.” He emphasized his words with particularly hard thrusts and pinches to your clit, ignoring the whines and small moans that fell from your lips.

His words plus what you saw in the mirror were all too overwhelming and you closed your eyes, losing yourself in the feeling of Namjoon. But only for a moment as he grabbed your hair and made you look back into the mirror.

“I thought I said to watch, baby girl. You’re normally so good at listening, why can’t you do something so simple?”

“I-It’s too much to handle.” You whispered out.

“I know. I can feel you clenching. You like watching yourself get fucked, huh? Getting used like the fuck doll you are.” He licked his lips.

“Yes, fuck.” You started. “I love it so much.” You breathed out.

“Such a good girl for me. I know you’re about to cum, but hold on a bit, okay?”

You nodded and tried your best to hold your upcoming release back as you felt Namjoon pull out all the way and slam back in. The whine that left your lips maybe a little too loud, but at this point, you didn’t care, it felt too good to care.

“Rub your clit for me, baby, show me how much you wanna cum.” He growled, placing both hands on your hips, and pulling you back into him. Your hand trailing down between your legs to rub eagerly at your clit, your orgasm building fast.

“Mh, gonna cum for me? Go on then, cum for me, but say my name when you do.”

“Fuck, Namjoon, I’m gonna cum.” Your voice was higher in pitch and you knew you were getting even closer as the pressure in your stomach kept building, so close to snapping.

“Fuck, babe, I’m clo-” He was cut off by his own orgasm, his body stilling as his cum shot into you. His orgasm triggering yours.

While regaining your breaths, the realization of it all hit you. You just fucked in the restroom, at a public event. And now you had to deal with looking fucked out for the rest of the night.

“Fuck.” You groaned.

“What?” Namjoon spoke, sliding out of you and pulling his pants up.

“We still have the rest of the event to stay for and I look like shit.” You whined, getting up and straightening your dress back down.

Namjoon smiled down at you and draped his suit coat over you.

“Who said we had to stay?”

#bts #bts smut #bts scenarios #bts imagines #networkbangan #armiesnet #namjoon #kim namjoon #namjoon smut #namjoon scenarios #namjoon imagines

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tae-pollux · 6 years

Text

House of Cards: Sacrificial Lamb 1

Description: BTS Vampire AU, OT7, Rated M Note: Credit to Pastelcreepshow for writing the chase scene, being my Guinea Pig and editor. My friend Aki is too, but she doesn’t have a page atm. I’ll credit her later lmao.

{Chapter One}

“Another one please..” The words slurred from your lips, almost out of habit at this point. Am I drinking because I want to at this point? Or just because it feels right? You thought to yourself.

You were currently in the process of forgetting about your- now- ex. You give him three years of your life just for the son-of-a-bitch to not just cheat on you, but to turn psycho when you caught him and called him out on it. It's been a few weeks since then, but the hole in your chest didn't register time. The bartender eyed you, clearly wondering if he should even cough up another glass of hard liquor dressed pretty and labeled under a innuendo name. You couldn't even remember what you were drinking..

He hesitated like he was going to say it was time to call you a cab. That is, until a gentle voice cut through the harsh blaring EDM blasting through the club. “One more for the lady, please? Then I will happily take her home.” The voice sounded like angel bells dancing in your ears.. Or was that ear damage from the club music?

You glanced up at the stranger who just bought you a drink and was now leaning on the counter beside you. Resting on his forearms, one hand propping his head up on his hand as he eyed you with a small smirk playing at the corners of his lips. You couldn't decide if his eyes were half lidded naturally, or if he was seriously giving you bedroom eyes right now, but at the moment, you didn't care. Not when you had a literal angel looking at you like you were a gift sat down before him. Especially when you are definitely not used to men looking at you like that. His ashy blonde hair was styled neatly, his stray strands falling over his forehead as he tilted his head.

“I could let you stare at me all night, beautiful.. But I think I at least deserve a 'thank you' don't I?” He smiled the sweetest smile you have ever seen and gave a wink. “Oh..” You giggled drunkenly. “Thank you, angel.” You breathed, almost hypnotized, which of course, made him giggle with you.

The bartender placed your drink in front of your face, waking you up from your daze, making you blush. As you set about drinking it and trying to keep your eyes busy, the stranger languidly slid from the counter to take a seat on the other side of you. You barely noticed his movements until his hand came up and brushed a stray hair behind your ear. “Goodness.” He breathed. “You look so sad princess.” His comment sucked all the air out of you. Choking on your drink, instead of a reply you just coughed, not sure what to say. His eyes widened at your sudden outburst as he slid his hand down your back to gently pat it and rub it soothingly. “Sorry. Did I say something wrong?” “No no..” You waved off his worries, clearing your throat. “I just.. What makes you say that?”

So far, the most he's seen of you, you were drooling over him, so him suddenly pointing out how sad you looked made you wonder if you looked like a complete mess. “Your eyes.” He simply stated after a moment. “Excuse me?” “Your eyes. Just looking into them, they're telling me stories of pain. An ache so deep, it's pulling you in. Pulling you away from yourself and this world. You're drowning.” He spoke, lightly caressing his cold fingers against your cheek.

Something about this.. made you uneasy. The look in his eye as he unearthed your deepest feelings like they were dirty laundry left out for the world to see. The chill of his fingers against your cheek felt.. well.. cold. Not just physically. But like you were being touched by a statue trying to emote empathy. “U-um..” You swallowed. “I don't-”

Suddenly his beautiful laugh interrupted you as he stood. “Sorry princess. I didn't mean to shock you so much. Finish your drink. I need to make a phone call.” And with that he was disappearing into the crowd. Completely shaken, you did as you were told. Not because he told you, but because you really needed that alcohol in your system after that little exchange.

Minutes later, he returned just as you were standing to leave. A wave of vertigo almost knocked you off your feet but he was there at just the right moment to keep you from hitting the floor at a full horizontal. His perfect pale skin reflected the beaming lights that danced around him. His cologne filling your nose like a heady drug. You were starting to feel it again. That.. mesmerized feeling as his brown eyes stared into you. A smirk playing at the corner of his lips. “Let me take you home, beautiful..” He whispered, almost seeming to slowly lean in.. “N-no thank you.” You stuttered, pulling out of his arms and righting your outfit. “I mean, I can just take a taxi. I'm sobering up anyway.” You smiled reassuringly at him, but he just looked confused and almost.. interested? Like he wanted to see what else you would say or do. “Come on, princess. I can't just let you go out there alone like that. It's dangerous you know.” He smiled, stepping closer. “That's ok! Really. I'm ok. Thanks for the drink.” You couldn't figure out why you felt so panicked. He was being sweet and he made you feel beautiful, so why were you acting this way? Have I gone mad? You questioned yourself as you shuffled away, leaving him behind with his heavy stare on your back. Quickly exiting the booming club and trying to speed walk down the road in your very uncomfortable heels.

You weren't much of a high heels type of gal, but you thought dressing nice and going out to be hit on would make you feel attractive again. Now though? You regret ever putting the death machines on your poor abused feet.

The night air was frigid and dead silent as you made your way to the shortcut you always took to the bus station. Since you work on this side of town, you knew it well so you were confident once you came upon the tree-ridden hiking trail that once you go through, if you make a left on one of the viewing side paths, you have a straight shot back into town where your bus station was. But walking in heals on a dirt path wasn't exactly easy.

The gravel crunched under your unsteady heels as you quickened the pace. And it wasn't because of the chilly air nipping at your skin, either, no it was much worse. You know that self doubting feeling you get when you're body is paranoid and thinks you're being followed? That gut wrenching sensation of fight or flight? A shiver ran down your spine causing your breath to catch in your throat like a heavy lump, pulling your jacket tighter to yourself. Was that guy following you? Taking a quick glance over your shoulder, more for reassurance purposes than anything, to calm your nerves that are now tingling through your skin like static. After all, what would you have truly done if he really was behind you? Finding the moonlit path empty, nothing but trees stretching on for miles into the shadows and a few leaves tumbling across the path by a gust of wind, you sighed with relief but still felt the need to run. Seconds felt like hours. Why did this path seem to be longer than usual? You weren't lost, this was definitely the way.. but something is.. off? -Snap- Jerking around at the sound, your eyes scan the trees to no avail. It's pointless to when all you can see are shadows. "Probably just a squirrel," you whisper, lying to yourself to put on a brave front. Your body shivered again when you could have sworn you heard the faintest laughter carried by the wind. Was this just your mind playing tricks? Taking another step, this time with caution, and straining your ears to listen.

Another faint chuckle rang out against the night air, this time confirming your fears had been right. There was no wind this time, just a deafening silence and a echoing laughter somewhere in the distance just far enough to make out.

Taking off, sprinting down the dirt path you run as if your life is depending on it. And in this situation, well.. it might well be. Each panted breath stung from the air. Light ice crystals forming in your chest, tightening your heart. The laughter was getting closer now, but your body acted as if it wasn't moving. The path didn't shorten, and the distance you've ran seems like you didn't make it more than five feet from where you started. It was as though you're running in place. Louder and more eerily the laughter came, toying with you, darting from the left side of the path to the right, never knowing where it would ring out next. You could feel breathing on the back of your neck. Warm, sticky, making you hate the fact you decided to wear your hair up tonight.

Suddenly a growl resonated in your ear, deep enough you could feel it in your stomach and it was so startling you misjudged your footing and went down like a rock onto the ground. "What's wrong cutie? Don't like playing?" The voice came from everywhere. Whispered as if he was right beside you.. All around you.. Your head jerked to the right when a flash of silver hair darted behind a tree. Then twenty feet behind another tree within a split second. He was toying with you, and enjoying watching you tremble with fear.

Ignoring the pain from your bloody knees and hand, you kick off the heels, because fuck those things, and take off running again, only to get a couple of feet when your body smashed into a hard wall. Immediately recognizing it was in fact, that guy, you quickly turned on your heels to run in the opposite direction, only to run directly into him again.

What? Was all you thought as you slowly looked up into his eyes, your breath shaking with you as your body quivered. He looked as if he had been out for a pleasant walk. Calmly looking down at you with his gentle eyes and soft smile.

This isn't right.. Very slowly, afraid to find the answer, you turned your head. Your heart pounding in your ears as your eyes scanned the dark trees before reaching the path behind you. It was as you feared.

No one was behind you.

His hand snatched your jaw, whipping your attention back to his angelic features. “I want to play with you some more..” He tsked, a frown coming over his features. “But it's too cold out here for a lady.” His fingers dug into your skin before suddenly they were at your throat in a flash, completely cutting off your air supply.

Your mouth opened, trying to gasp for whatever oxygen you could get as you clawed at his hand. Tears running down your face while you watched the Angel slowly killing you. You wanted to ask him why. You wanted to fight him. But you just stood there, listening to your own heartbeat and a light ringing sound. Before everything went black, the last thing you noticed was his bored expression.

#BTS #fanfiction #Vampire AU #Jin #Namjoon #Yoongi #Hoseok #Jimin #Jungkook #Taehyung

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yourfeminist · 6 years

Note

All of the asks. If you don't want to answer some that's fine, I'd be interested in all of them ☺️

Hell yeah i’m down! Thank you a lot! Have a nice day or evening!

zinc white; how are you really feeling today? no one-word answers please!

Well I woke up today and I thought I had to work at 8AM but I didn’t need to work so that kinda sucked. But otherwise then that I’m fine! I need to do a few things today so I look forward to do that! Thanks for asking

lemon; what’s your comfort food?

Chocolate!

hansa yellow; what’s your guilty pleasure song?

Rich Girl by Daryl Hall & John Oates!

yellow ochre; name an artist/band whom you just discovered & can’t get enough of!

I recently discovered Billie Eilish and she’s pretty cool. But other than her I don’t remember any new album I listened to

naples yellow; where do you feel most at home?

Well my parents are divorced so ngl at my dads I feel more home because there are a lot of other people and I enjoy that. But when I’m at my moms I really love my room and that feels like home too. So I can’t decide :)

raw sienna; with whom do you feel most at home?

My (girl)friendgroup and one friend specifically that always makes me feel like home. When we are at the same party I always feel less awkward or uncomfortable ( I have social anxiety and sometimes it’s really acting up). So I’m really glad that he has that feeling.

golden ochre; describe the relationship you have with your closest friend.

We can talk about everything but still we don’t always do. We have a great friendship and sure do love each other but we don’t say things like that to each other. We also see each other pretty often. One of my best friends💕

golden deep; what’s your favorite season?

This anwser always changes but atm It’s spring! I really enjoy the weather where you don’t have to wear a jacket just a hoodie because of the sun! Yup really love that. OH AND everything starts to grow again :)

cadmium orange; what do you like to do on your days off?

Watch youtube video’s, watch a few episodes of a show, reading and mostly relax!

orange lake; do you have anyone you can turn to when you’re sad?

yup I do but this girl right here is kinda dumb because I never talk to anyone because I have this feeling that when I do I bother other people. And I know I don’t but still I won’t do it haha. But I’m working on it! So if anyone has the same feeling feel free to come to me or ask me how I’m dealing with that.

titans; do you prefer slow mornings or relaxing evenings?

Both! But I prefer evenings a little more. Because then I see my family and friends more ( i know cliche :p)

shakhnazaryan red; are you currently binge-watching anything?

BROOKLYN NINE-NINE!!!!!!(cool cool cool cool cool no doubt no doubt) And I’m watching Teen Wolf for the second time haha

red ochre; are you more right-brained (creative) or left-brained (analytical)?

Right brained!

burnt sienna; is there a painting that brings you peace when you look at it?

Starry Night by Vincent van Gogh!

english red; what animal do you relate to most?

A CAT!!! LOVE SLEEPING LOVE CUDDLING AND SOMETIMES I LOVE TO BE A GRUMPY FUCK

vermilion; what’s your favorite accent?

Hard one!! I really like Irish ( @bleubelle249SO YOU BETTER HAVE ONE :PPP) and Scottish! But ngl I reaaaally love Australian accents, so hot.

cadmium red; do you have a “type” when it comes to a significant other?

Nope I don’t mind tbh. But dark hair and dark eyes are plus !

scarlet; describe your current crush/es.

Dark haired, dark eyed 6′2 and his name is Noah Centineo and he doesnt even know I exist :). But other than him I don’t have a crush!

ruby; what does your ideal first date look like?

A walk at a park and maybe picknick and a fun activity and dinner later in the afternoon and for the night a movie! But tbh everything is okay, I’m not that hard to statisfy.

carmine; what does your ideal second date look like?

Anything the other person want to do!

madder lake red; would you ever kiss someone (or accept a kiss) on a first date?

Yes I would. I would only kiss someone if they want to (CONSENT KIDS, ITS IMPORTANT) and I also would accept one if I’m comfortable. But there needs to be a connection tho. Otherwise a quick peck on the cheeks.

rose; what’s something really positive going on in your life right now?

That I’m working on myself to become a healthier (mentally) me. Because it took waaaaaaaaaaaaay to long.

quinacridone rose; what’s something you’re really looking forward to?

My drivers licence!

violet rose; what does your dream house look like?

A very cozy house. Nice, warm with a library and a lot of plants and flowers! A big garden with both sun and shadow. With a few neighbours. And I would love to live at a dead end next to meadow!

violet; is there any place in particular you’d like to settle down?

Somewhere in England, USA or Australia. Maybe somewhere else in Europe, don’t know.

blue lake; what would you like to do/accomplish before you settle down?

That I finished college. I’m financial stable and that I worked hard for the things that I have. I don’t like doing things the easy way.

cobalt blue spectral; what is the most beautiful place you have ever been to?

Český Krumlov in Czech Republic

ultramarine; when was the last time you were in a good mood? do you know/remember what sparked it?

A week ago. I just felt good. Don’t have a reason for it.

blue; what’s the most recent dream you remember?

That I was dating a collegue who is also a friend. it was a really weird dream but I didnt tell anyone because my friends ship us hahahah

bright blue; what does your dream family look like? any kids or pets? how many of each?

I don’t yet if I want kids (or that my partner does) but if I would have kids I want 3 em. And both a dog and a cat!

blue cobalt; do you like your name? would you give yourself a different name if you could? Yes I like my name (Anouk) and no I will not give myself a different name because I don’t think an other name will fit me.

prussian azure; what’s your favorite scent?

Depends on my mood what it is; like a candle or perfume or deodorant. But probably vanilla, lemongrass and citrus.

azure blue; what’s your favorite type of tea, if any?

Earl grey!

turquoise blue; if you could start a garden, what would you plant?

SUNFLOWERS!!!!!!!!!!! And a few trees and nice flowers that grow each year.

cerulean blue; if you were guaranteed to have a viewership, would you start a youtube vlog?

yes probably. I secretly would love that haha

glauconite; describe your body without using any negative adjectives.

Tall, nice skin, long arms and long legs and my stomach kinda has a sixpack.

yellow green; picture yourself walking in a field. what do you see & hear in this scenario?

Probably something like this. But with more high grass. And I soflty hear the wind and a few birds chirping.

green light; are you in a comfortable place in life? if not, what do you think might make it better?

80% of my life is! What do I think might make it better? Me. But don’t know how yet.

green; name three countries you want to visit; do you have any actual plans in place to visit any of them?

1. Italy2. Australia3. New zealand

Yes! They are all three on my bucket list so I will for sure visit them!

emerald green; do you speak any languages besides english? are there any additional languages you want to learn?

Yes I speak: Dutch, Frisian and a tiny bit of German. And I really want to learn Spanish!

oxide of chromium; what’s your favorite book?

That’s way to hard for me to choose. So i am not going to give you an anwser :p

olive green; are you currently reading anything? how do you like it so far?

I am reading the Game of Thrones books. Currently reading A Clash of Kings (second one)

mars brown; what’s a movie that always puts a smile on your face/makes you laugh?

Coco!! And all the Harry Potter movies!

burnt umber; what’s something you plan to do before the day is over to take care of yourself?

Nothing haha

umber; have you drank enough water today?

Not yet! But it’s still morning so don’t worry!

voronezhskaya black; what or who is your go-to outlet for when you need to vent?

I don’t vent a lot. And if I do it’s not a go to person. Probably my dad or anyone else from my family or friends

sepia; name five things that always make you happy.

1. Animals2. When people are happy3. When people are smiling 4. Music!5. Kian and Jc (shout out to them, they are youtubers)

indigo; what’s the best/sweetest compliment you have ever received?

That I’m a very relaxed person to be with. My friends told me that when we had a test I’m made them less nervous. And I really like that.

payne’s gray; describe your aesthetic?

Art

black; post a selfie because you are so beautiful!

I would rather not post one but I’ll guess I will post one

There ya go!

Thanks again!

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soysaucevictim · 5 years

Text

I’ve been worrying myself sick lately... but the day finally came. And I still feel a level of uncertainty - the hard part of things is over for the time being.

June 4

I got up around 7:30 AM again.

Socialized, went to Seeking Safety, did some Resilient Grieving reflection (but not a lot), and listened to music.

Still feel pulled in way too damn many directions. And I can’t even ENGAGE any of them until the hearing happens and what the verdict is going to be. And I’m so fucking frustrated, more with myself, that I just can’t make myself do that lately. I know it’s probably going to pass once The Day happens. And it will be SOME kind of relief (be it favorable result or not), once I have something to work with. I feel like no one is being patient with me, including myself, despite how clearly evident how much distress I’m in.

There’s some complex grief response shit I need to work on, the fear of getting my teeth fixed, the fear of learning to fucking drive, the fear that I don’t understand what the fuck my needs/priorities are (and the support I deserve towards them), the sense of falling far too behind on house work that needs to be done, the feeling of making excuse after excuse - that I’m not trying hard enough, and being too gawd damn frazzled to get my sleep (also medication & exercise) schedule somewhere fucking sensible again. And everything just feeds into each other and makes me want to fucking scream sometimes.

ANYWAYS... after getting home and getting distracted by the BS (because it’s the only way I’m able to fucking cope with this fucking thunderstorm in my head, atm)... I did at least get my exercise in. :I

First, today’s DD. 1′ basic burpees with EC. Manageable, despite under-sleeping. I also counted 20 completed reps by the end. Whew. :U

Second, Day 3 of the NC. “Strength“, meaning push-ups. Though I did think about going for 2′. I did 1′ (so Level 2). Which was a good call, since I was getting close to my PB & form got pretty messy. But I did count 42 of them in the time given.

Last, Day 3 of the PUP. Lower body work again - more distal stuff. I did have to drop down my left foot a few times during the leg swings because of fatigue making keeping balance real difficult. Probably also because I was too tired

Despite being too damn tired... I still stayed up till like 5AM with the same old BS. I’m a fucking mess. :/

June 5*

Been up since like 2PM. Meant to at least get up early enough to take my morning meds. Didn’t. So I didn’t take them at all! (Because I know you REALLY should try to keep that shit consistently spaced out... wild windows of hours is ill advised.)

Don’t have much to say about my day that I haven’t already.

Okay. I wound up doing all my exercise after midnight.

First, today’s DD. 20 matrix tilts with EC. Not a huge fave since it's pretty intense for the knees. But manageable.

Second, Day 4 of the NC. “Stealth“, meaning a wall-sit hold. This time I actually went for the 2′ duration, Level 3. It was fairly tough but very doable - given I’ve done this amount before. Also, watching Sanders Sides is a fantastic distraction from the burning quads. Pffft. :,D

Last, Day 4 of the PUP. Lower body work - but closer to the thighs/core. This was tough to get through. And I did have to pause for muscle recovering in tthe later half/quarter. The side leg raises didn’t stay very high - but oh well. Did the best I was able to do for the day.

Now. I sincerely doubt I’ll be going to the facility “tomorrow”. Since I wrote this bit past 3AM. =_=

June 6*

.I wound up staying up til like noon. Opting not to go to the facility today and sleeping til almost 6PM.

Same old noise after that. Wound up doing my exercise past midnight again, though*. :I

First, today’s DD. 60 turning kicks with EC. I always enjoy combat work. I tried to make sure to not let the foot drop until the side was done. Did wobble a few times but was able to keep it going. :D

Second, Day 5 of the NC. “Grit“, meaning up/down planks. I went for 1′ again and counted 16 reps in that time (counting each direction as one rep). This was certainly difficult, but I did pace myself and think to wear some long sleeves. JUst happy to not scrape up my elbows today. :P

Last, Day 5 of the PUP. Upperbody work. I did like that it involved knee push-ups. So that helped keep things just about manageable. That being said it was a bit of a hassle figuring out how to set it up so my knees weren’t unhappy and that I could check on the timer. Figured things out, but that did take some willpower to accomplish.

June 7

Been up since about 4PM.

Mostly been up to the same noise - but I did some dishes, made some dinner, and exercised.

First, today’s DD. 60 standing W-extensions with EC. I enjoyed this a lot. I also did a few extra in case I lost count. :D

Second, Day 6 of the NC. “Balance”, meaning one legged stand. I knew that I could pretty easily manage 2′ of this one In fact, I technically shot for 4′, 2′ for each side back-to-back.

Last, Day 6 of the PUP. Kind of mixed focus on squat and side elbow plank stuff. Did have a false start hours before going for it to completion. Mostly was frustrated with how I wanted to keep track of time while on the floor. But this whole thing was not a walk in the park. Second round of planks I did brace with top leg forward a bit.

June 8

Though I did get up a couple times earlier, I got up proper at like 6PM. Yeah.

First, today’s DD. 30 butterfly sit-ups with EC. This variation still requires some foot anchoring to do very many of. But nevertheless enjoyable! :D

Second, Day 7 of the NC. “Endurance“, meaning climbers. I went for 1′, Level 2. I counted 136 reps by the end. Did think about trying for 2′ again, but decided I wasn’t up for it.

(After getting way too damn distracted again...)

Last, Day 7 of the PUP. Lower body work. I’d say this was a more enjoyable sequence to get through and I didn’t have to drop/pause at any point. It wasn’t easy though!

(I may go add notation where I had to compromise, mostly for the data. :P )

June 9

Similar story as yesterday, except getting up after 3PM today.

Same old noise, but I did try to get my exercise done early on for the day.

First, today’s DD. 20 stacked push-ups with EC. Not much to say other than I found this one very manageable. :P

Second, Day 8 of the NC. “Core strength“, meaning hollow hold. First time I just had to tap out at Level 1 or 30″. I know my PBs can be upwards to a minute - I just didn’t feel up to straining my neck, because historically this exercise is pretty terrible for it.

Last, Day 8 of the PUP. Upper body work. I did very much enjoy this sequence, made my forearms burn (what with all the un/clenching of fists), as well as my shoulders. But it was a nice break on the former for the holds.

Tomorrow is The Day. So, after that, I took a shower and prepped some notes for the hearing before getting to bed. I also did try to get to sleep at a more reasonable time by my standards...

June 10

I didn’t get the most restful sleep last night. Getting up a few hours earlier due to muscle aches and stomach feeling all knotted up. :S

Ate a little bit and tried to get as much sleep as I could until 7:30.

Got dressed and was driven to court. The wait to get called in (with representative) was nerve-wracking. But the judge seemed to be warm enough and I didn't wind up having to cry-talk during our discussion. Probs won't know the ruling until a few months, I assume.

Feels like it's going to be a coin flip, tbh. But, I'm just happy to get it over with.

Got home and gamed awhile before exercising.

First, today’s DD. 40 raised leg circles with EC. This was doable despite exhaustion. But, the thing I've been stressing out over for the past several weeks is done. So that's something. :P

Second, Day 9 of the NC. “Combat“, meaning punches. Let’s just say I was looking forward to this after the hearing stuff. Something reliably enjoyable to keep my head from getting bleak again. Easily knocked out 2′ (Level 3), with 216 punches thrown. Tried to put a bit more of a twist into them. =w=

Last, Day 9 of the PUP. Lower body work. I also liked how this went. I did not do balanced side leg raises for the reps (keeping foot off floor, while down) but it didn’t seem to imply that interpretation. It certainly would’ve been harder than it already was, if so. But I did keep the holds up for their full durations. The balance work was super satisfying! :D

That did wake me up a bit more. I still wanted to take a nap... but wound up not doing so. Also wanted to get some notes together for my therapy appointment tomorrow. But ran out of time/energy for that,

But now, I need do a bit of archiving and try to get to bed.

#adventures with fitness #... and now we wait #while i feel a lot more relief after getting thehearing over with now... i'm going to leave in all the venting #more for my own reference and context #there is some lingering worry about whether i hurt my case at any point... but at this point - what's done is done #i need to move forward again

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jawbreakers2015 · 5 years

Text

Player Profile: Hang

avid modder, occasional TO and montage video producer from Germany top 12 in the Jawbreakers Stunfest Qualifier (artwork of Drop by Kagu)

What names do you go by?

I used to go by Troke for the entirety of April. Which was based on a dumb coincidence where I talked to Neer and had one of my usual mobile spelling errors and I wrote "I'm having ha troke" instead of "having a stroke".

I wanted to go away from "Hang Boy" since quite some time as I specifically wanted to get rid of the "Boy" and just "Hang" felt wrong and was still associated to Hang Boy anyway. But I guess I'm back to that now.

Reason to why I wanted to rid myself of "Boy" was as simple as me linking my online persona to my OC (By choosing her for profile pictures on basically any platform) which then of course lead people to believe she is a male based on the thought "Hey this is Hang Boy. So the profile picture must also be Hang Boy".

The name Hang Boy btw occurred just as I started my first step into the internet, when I was a big fan of the Binding of Isaac. So i needed an online name and I ventured through Isaac related things. Which was when I came across the Tarot card "Hanged Man". So I just took that and adjusted a bit.

How do you feel about your performance in this tournament?

Was pretty okay. I didn't expect to get far into it. Although I'm a bit sad I didn't make the Top 8 picture. Only needed one win more as well.

However I would have been disappointed in everyone else, if they allowed for me to reach Top 3. So good that didn't happen.

What was your strategy preparing for and competing in the tournament?

I haven't played Blaze in weeks. The only times I played recently was to get some recordings for a Toxic montage. Right before the tournament I was more worried to finish my Isaac run. Which I did win!

And during the tournament was pretty much just "Turn some nice music on, jam to it, play some Nitro, do some silly cuff shenanigans, do dumb parry grab down throws so the viewers can laugh over something".

I did "fly" with Nitro in one match but sadly it wasn't streamed so only Hellraiser was able to see the glory of Flying Cuff™.

youtube

Which was your hardest match of the tournament?

Hellraiser I suppose. He did kick me out of it. I never really played him or saw him play and he didn't fall for my aggressive playstyle, so it was a tough time.

What surprised you most about the tournament?

Cherry's second place finish. I know he's good, I think he's underrated even.

But second place is a really good finish. Even more so beating JawDrop since, in my opinion, he has some of the craziest tech and can be really really confusing to play against.

(Yea he also has weird lag even tho he lives in France but whatever :p)

Is there anyone you didn’t face that you wish you did?

I would have wanted to play Defur if possible. To some degree I see his entrance as a sort of meme entry. But jokes aside and game aside, I can only take my hat off to this man and his effort for the tournament scene.

Sadly didn't get to play Daio. It feels like a tradition to face off against him in FellowsTV hosted tournaments. Which always goes the same way tbf. He counters my playstyle hard, I'm annoyed to play against him, don't bother changing my playstyle in order to win, get demolished. But the tradition counts!

I'd put Neer in the same boat. Hate playing against him but it just kinda has to be.

How did you get into Lethal League?

A friend bought it for me. We played a couple of games, he had to leave. I went into QM, found Garu, got absolutely demolished, he friended me and pulled me into it.

I specifically remember seeing his Latch corpse juggles and thinking "Man this is so cool, I want to be able to do this too". So right of the bat I started to play for the style, which is what I still go by.

Style > Efficiency

It feels bad not having paid for LL nor Blaze but I bought LL for a bunch of friends so guess that checks out.

What's your current Lethal League experience?

450+ hours in LL 340 hours in Blaze (As of now. 26.4.2019) And a giant bunch of hours of community interaction and modding.

I was very excited when asked to be beta testing and it fulfilled a childhood dream of being in video game credits.

Despite only getting into Beta a month before release, I stacked up 90 hours before the game came out. Lots of 9 hour playtime days. It was massive fun.

I bought almost all of the merch...got most signed by Tim & Dion too. I went to the Netherlands twice to meet TR. It was fun, they are cool people. Watching Dion doing a live dance off was pretty rad ngl.

I brought self made cheesecake the second time, but Tim had to get it into the building since they check your bags for normal visitors and it wasn't allowed to bring food.

I'll never forget the sight of Tim with his big bag looking like he's smuggling a bomb into a convention.

Who are your main/side/counter character picks?

Everything. So yes random, it's random.

However I most enjoy playing Nitro because of all the dumb things he can do. Especially flying, cuff storage (specifically for down angle on the ground, to just pull a little bit forward) and half pull.

Doombox is also very fun. Special>bunt>smash>parry>special>repeat can chain pretty often on some opponents and is hilarious.

The only characters I "despise" playing are Toxic and Sonata. But only because I'm really bad with them.

What are your favourite character outfits?

Dust and Ashes. Just their whole design.

For real tho. There's not really skins that stick out to me since I use my own modded ones.

Can you share your favourite/most used custom outfit?

Hm I missed that that's not "outfits"...well take a load of skins! In order

Mothyman Jeviman Spacetor Golden Switch Drop Palette Sonata Supercharged Latch PaDice-a the Rapper Skull Grunt Supercharged Grid Supercharged Doombox Dropbox FYouBox Nitro with a blue, white and mint color scheme I made for every character and lastly my Toxic skin with that same color scheme

What are your stage preferences?

Idc. I play random so who really cares. I guess insert the usual "Paradise field eclipse succs!!!"

What input method do you use?

PS4 Controller Dpad for movement L1 Bunt R1 Swing R2 Grab

I used to play LL on a cheap SNES controller using only face buttons. When I was over at Dutch Comic Con with Serchiot I played a couple games of Blaze with his PS4 controller and really liked his layout and the feel of the controller. So I just sneakily stole his layout and got myself a PS4 controller.

Coming from all face buttons, I needed some time to get used to it. But in my opinion it's just superior this way.

How do you make your character montage videos?

I have two ways of recording clips. Just consciously recording with OBS or putting Shadowplay on and saving every time something cool happens. I usually just boot up Blaze and jump into ranked to get some games in. With the Toxic montage it was a bit different since I now have a 4K monitor but 4K can hardly be recorded at 60fps and setting the output resolution in OBS to 1080p got me weird screen effects. So every time I went to record, I put the resolution of my monitor to 1080p in order to at least get that in good quality. Then I just cut all the good clips out of the recordings and mix ‘n’ match ‘em. What's usually the hardest decision is what music to use. There's been a couple of songs that I'd like to use, but they either don't fit over Blaze gameplay, don't fit my playstyle or were just the wrong length.

My two favourite Montages are definitely for Candyman and Nitro. Candyman took a long way to develop, because I just wanted to show off so much. It's one of the few montages where I actually asked higher skill players for games instead of jumping into ranked. Picking the song was really hard, I was only sure I wanted a Klaus Veen track, but OD V2 was too mainstream and most others were too short. So in the end I opted for two songs with a break in between the montage. Splitting the clips into two sets, each song one. With the second part containing what I considered the more hype bursts.

And for Nitro I actually had the montage pretty much done, but I wasn't too happy with it. Still planned to just upload it like that tho. However when I saw the Nitro voice actor interact with a community member in a way that could only be described as "incredibly wholesome", I was inspired to redo most, if not all, of the clips and do the best I could. For the first time actually going into training mode to lab some combos (mostly corpse juggles tbf) and eventually learning Flying Cuff™ too. Watching JawDrops Blazin' Combo video and taking a slice off the Nitro plays there. Which resulted in a montage I am very happy with.

youtube

What other games do you play?

It differs from time to time.

The only games I always come back to are retro games like SMW, CTR or something like Mario Kart 8D. Which I always enjoy playing at local tournaments and pretty successfully so even. People just can't handle it when someone plays with one hand.

Atm I also like playing TBoI Rebirth.

Will you come to Stunfest?

Probably not. Driving/Flying over to France is just very expensive. I would love to meet all my Baguettes (Lusked, Jawdrop, Aru and Lalou, who stated he can't make it due to exams, yes I know). But exams and the neer-ing end of my apprenticeship is leaving a lot of work to be done.

So it probably won't fit into my schedule. However never say no! Trips to Blaze events aren't uncommon for me.

Is there anything else you’d like to say to the community?

Play the game for fun, not for glory.

Stop rubbing yourself for an imaginary title that doesn't mean anything as there's not even any competition for it.

I can't stress enough how great Soda City Funk by Tim Legend is. Go listen to it right now.

And for my last words. Be more like Kota. And remember, We love Ramkat <3

#Jawbreakers #Lethal League Blaze #Player Profile #Hang Boy #Hang #Europe #Jaw Breakers #Lethal League #Team Reptile

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lunebinnie · 6 years

Note

(1/14)I am so sorry for taking so long! (I also had to spend a lot of time studying this week bc I had my first exam for my Anatomy Lab on Wednesday... And then we had our first exam for *Lecture* Thursday (which also was the day I had a bunch of powerpoints due for my very intimidating adviser...) and then I had to substitute teach all day Friday (and then I meant to respond sooner but I got so busy 😭) so yeah I completely understand about school getting in the way no worries abt it!)

And also sleeping in on a day off when you’ve been busy studying lately is completely valid hon 👌 I hope that your midterms go well and that you’re able to stay healthy and take care of yourself in the midst of preparing! (not that you wouldn’t, I just have a bad habit of neglecting things like healthy sleeping and eating habits when I get caught up studying, so hopefully you’re not like me in that way) And yeah me too! I mean on the one hand I understand *why* they have that limit

3)If u could just send as many as u want there would be so much more spam and ppl would definitely abuse that. But also?? Um? I have a chronic condition called ‘Can'tShuttheFuckUp-itis’? 🤷 This policy is so discriminatory towards people like me who suffer from this crippling condition! I feel oppressed honestly 🙄 tumblr rlly has something against ppl just trying to get to know each other huh? Lol, but at least now we know why it eats them I’ll be sure to try to prevent that in the future

4)And oh my gosh that’s so cool! I’m super jealous!! 😮 lol. I wish they hosted kpop nights at my local bar! 😭😭 But no, I’m here at my little state college in a little 2 mi2 town just under pop 5500 (and idek if that’s before or after counting college students) in the middle of the 'farm zone’ of my state. All we get is country night @Riley’s 😩 RIP. But ya I wish I had more ppl around me who were into kpop! So far I’ve only met 3 ppl who listen to it. One was that roommate I told you about

5)One is just a casual listener who isn’t really into 3rd gen groups and mostly just listens to Girl’s Generation but that’s valid, and one isn’t even rlly a fan of any groups in particular, she just puts the kpop station on when she studies bc she says she needs music but if it’s in English she gets distracted, lol And omg that is insane! $500?? And 5 copies of the same album? 😲 (Says the girl who’s been a Monbebe for a hot 2 months and has already bought three (3??) Monsta X T-shirts… 😂

6)in my defense tho one of them was only $10 bc it was Black Friday? And u can’t blame me, Hot Topic is my krypotonite lmao) but yeah I already feel guilty about spending 30+ dollars on one copy of an album (thx international shipping) That’s so wild. And yeah I don’t get why ppl feel the need go out of their way just to insult other ppl’s music taste. I’m also pretty self conscious abt sharing my music taste and obviously the way everyone around me talks abt kpop has made me even moreso now 🙃

7) I haven’t gotten into too many groups yet bc I’m trying to go slowly and focus on getting into one group at a time but I do have a long list of groups I plan on getting into eventually! NU'EST is one that I’ve heard some of their songs on my Spotify based on my listening history and they’re on the list haha 😂 And omg I feel really similarly about Got7! I tried to get into them after I got into Monsta X and right before I got into Astro and although I did really like some of their songs

8)I haven’t really been able to get into their music as much as MX and Astro’s yet. I do think they seem like a really fun group in terms of personality though. As for the comeback I know right?? I mean I know a lot of ppl were freaking out abt the comeback being a 'sexy’ and how it wasn’t gonna be the same cute Astro we all love anymore. But they filled the MV with flowers and glitter and still managed to make it sexy as fuck! This album has a very different vibe but it still felt like them

9) They managed to pull off a more mature and sexy concept while still staying true to themselves and I’m so here for it! I don’t know if I could really pick a favorite era because I love them all! I mean Spring Up was an excellent era and every era since then has been great. They really don’t know how to have any bad concepts or make any bad songs huh? Lol. Since I’m still pretty new I really love the title tracks since I’ve heard them the most. (I have listened to their full discography

10)But I haven’t listened to their Bsides enough to pick out my favorites from those) I also really love Again though! The first time I saw the dance practice I was super into it and then I looked up the lyrics and was like 'this is supposed to be sad/regretful song it has no reason to be this much of a BOP?!’ 😂 I have such a hard time picking favorites though. Since All Light is new though I actually have listened to it enough times to pick some 'non-title song favorites’ from there haha

11) Other than All Night (which is great, obvi) I also really like Starry Sky, Moonwalk and Role Play 😂 and Bloom is so pretty oh my god! 😭😭 the album is great and has no bad songs but those are the ones I particularly like. I feel u about the dances honestly. I think that’s actually what drew me to kpop initially. I mean I like listening to the songs ofc but it wasn’t until after I actually watched an MV/saw the choreography that I actually was like… Oh shit I’m gonna have to be a fan now

12) It was the visual aspect that really made me want to be a kpop fan bc I haven’t really seen that level of performance with any western music. Which isn’t to say I think all western music is bad but I think it’s really impressive to watch kpop groups singing and also doing really impressive choreography and performing at the same time. Plus that’s the part I can show my family and say 'even if you don’t like the music because of the language barrier you have to admit they’re talented dancers’

13)And yes! With Astro especially I think the dance practices rlly succinctly capture the reason why I love them so much. They are *super* talented but they also have such great chemistry and u can rlly tell that they just love each other and have so much fun together! I love a family of six hardworking dorks! 🤧💗 lol. And yeah it’s too bad that neither of are able to see them this cb ☹️ (I also did the 'hypothetically…’ research but it wouldn’t have worked out 😒) I hope you’re right though!

14)Hopefully the success of this comeback is the catalyst to Astro getting more of the attention they deserve and there will be many more opportunities to see them in the future! (Although it is too bad we won’t be able to see live performances from this cb, since it’s so pretty 😭 tho with their track record I’m sure future cb’s will be just as good lol) But what about you? Do you have any favorite songs from this cb in particular? Talk again soon! (I’ll try 2 b better @ responding 😭) -AHA

FUCKKK okay so after like a million years of midterms + 2 days straight of sleeping ya girl is BACK to answer these asks after getting through the hurdle of copying and pasting and italicizing 14 asks onto one response on my phone. Did I perhaps fail at least 3 of my midterms? Quite probably. Do I have the energy to care atm? No. Did I need to get away from everything and fly to Boston to visit my friend for reading week? Yes.

How did all your exams go? That sounds crazy though! I hope you got through everything ok!

Tbh I have the same unhealthy habits too, I essentially became nocturnal and lived on like one meal a day + snacks and coffee 😭 fr, I would be writing my midterm from 11:30-1:30, go home to eat, sleep from 4-7pm, then wake up to study all night for the next one, and repeat,,,,, I’m like an actual mess tbh

Honestly as much as I’ve enjoyed the Aroha secret admirer thing (it was sooo nice getting to meet new people) rn I’m just so glad that post-reveal we don’t have to deal with tumblr ask limits and writing entire essay responses all in one go.

Honestly 3 shirts isn’t even THAT bad especially if they weren’t all like ordered from overseas so they wouldn’t have been that expensive. When I went to the Myeongdong underground shopping centre I went craaaazy with Kpop merch despite stanning (at that point, pretty much only) BTS for a whole 3 weeks, so I ended up coming back with 2 albums, a bunch of stickers, a photocard pack (also bonus: got an Astro one too) and like a BUNCH of bt21 stuff. Speaking of, my All Light album finally came in!! I ended up getting a Moonbin, MJ, Jinjin, and Sanha photocard plus the a Rocky lyric booklet and ik I basically got THE best set for someone who loves all of them w my whole heart 😩✊ but I’m still sad I didn’t get any Eunwoo cards since he was my first Astro bias 😭 it’s soooooo pretty I love it sm and like lowkey I’ll probably end up buying more of their albums anyway oopsss

Speaking of Monsta X btw, I heard their new song and I thought it was really good! What did you think of it?

Regarding favourite songs, I swear my moods change so much, so it’s pretty common for me to not love a song at first and sort of rediscover it months later, and tbh that’s kind of what happened with Innocent Love, Baby, and Again. In this album though, I’d say my favourite Bsides are probably be Bloom, 1 in a Million, and Heart Brew Love.

And I toootally agree with the performance aspect of kpop being the thing to attract me it, even before I got really into it I’d sometime like to watch dance practices (and lowkey even learned a bunch of choreos a with my friend last term just bc we had access to a frequently empty dance studio). It’s just super impressive to see people singing and dancing at the same time mostly live, and for the same reasons I’m also super into musicals as well, which isn’t so say I think like lip syncing or just dancing/singing is bad, it’s just refreshing to see it done all at once, you know?

Also side story it turns out that I actually DO know another Astro fan irl!! Her older sister (who I’m closer to bc we’re closer in age) is the one who bought the million got7 albums. Even though she’s been a fan of Astro since before debut, her sister doesn’t even know she listens to kpop since she was afraid of getting roasted at first, but now she’s in too deep to say anything. I’d mentioned liking Astro to her before, but she didn’t say anything bc she didn’t want to expose herself in front of her sister but on Friday I saw her while her sister was out and she was like “oh btw here’s a secret I went to the Toronto fanmeet last year but my sister doesn’t know” I was SHOOK but tbh I’m just super glad now to have someone to talk about it and go to concerts with (I’m banking on the fact that they’re coming back)

Anyway, THANK YOU SO MUCH for waiting 2747287482 million years for my response, and it was so great to finally (officially) meet you Kjersten!

@kaptain-k-pop

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transbeck · 6 years

Text

1 month on T! 10/09/18

Woooooo it feels great! I feel like after waiting for so long the ball is finally rolling.

What’s changed?

I am stronger and you can see my arm muscles which were previously barely there unless I was lifting weights every day. I haven’t been doing any strength building exercises either. I am starting to like my arms and shoulders, and I can see that in a month or so my shoulders will be wider than my hips! I’ve not been paying much attention to what I eat, but I have noticed I’m eating more, and I a hungrier. I haven’t gained or lost any fat. I still have a lot of ‘feminine’ fat in my lower body - in my bum and thighs - so I’m planning this month to eat carefully and do walking or running to help me burn it. Last summer when I was running every other day I didn’t have this fat and I actually passed! Now my bum is just too big :( I would really like to have a little hairy bum and I just don’t and it feels like I’m wearing this giant fat sack I just can’t take off and it makes me very sad. I feel very conflicted about losing weight bc I want to lose it SO badly I’m worried that it’s unhealthy, that my body image is unhealthy and that I’ll hurt my body by losing weight too aggressively. I don’t like feeling like I’m constantly fighting my body! It needs love too! I want to learn how to separate how I feel about my body from how I feel like I should feel about my body.

My body feels warmer too and I’ve also been having hot flashes lol. I got my period at 2 weeks on T right when I expected it to be. This cycle has felt a little different to normal and I am interested to see when I get my period and how it’s different. Emotionally I have been all over the place, very big ups and downs, which I’m trying not to get worried about because I know it’s just the T. I think I am starting to feel more attuned to my emotions - it feels like I’m finally giving myself the breathing space to just listen to myself.

My voice sounds stronger and a bit deeper to me but I don’t think other people can hear it yet! From how it felt those two days where I took double my dose I think it would crack properly on a higher dose, on the dose I’m on atm I think it will just slide down.

I am not hairier yet but I feel the hair approaching like the pressure drop before a mad thunderstorm. I’m getting little baby hairs everywhere, particularly noticeably in a line up the centre of my torso, and on the sides of my neck and face kind of all round my ear. I haven’t shaved this month (I did sporadically pre t) and I think the fuzz isn’t so bad as to have to shave yet, but at some point it will be! Also (tmi) I’m getting baby hairs above the line of my pubic hair which I am SO excited for because I’ve always hated having that triangle shape and I am relieved that it’s looking like I’m going to get a diamond shape! I’m getting little blond hairs on the backs of my hands too. I’m excited for my eyebrows to get bushier, not so excited for nipple hair - I feel weird about having chest hair without having a flat chest.

I am excited to start the new uni term too! I didn’t really talk to anyone on my course last year. I felt totally stifled by dysphoria, and by not passing, and by having to explain my gender and come out and constantly assert my gender and pronouns. I know T doesn’t really change my ability to do those things but I guess I feel more able to do so this year knowing that if anyone doesn’t respect my transness it won’t stop me from being trans and continuing to transition. I felt very stuck being unable to go on T last year when it was all I wanted to do! I’m feeling more hopeful about the future now I’m finally past that block.

ALSO, I do not know really how to label myself? I still have a profile on HER (the lesbian dating app), but it’s starting to feel just inappropriate and I haven’t been active on it for months. I was very comfortable with my mostly lesbian identity, and now I’m on T and it’s feeling so so right I feel like I’m outgrowing my lesbianness, but I just don’t know where I’m going next! I don’t know how I feel about being a mostly straight man? I don’t know if I’m a trans man or if I’m nonbinary?? I want to look male as far as I can tell, but I still enjoy being my not at all masculine self. I don’t want to be treated as a man particularly. My friends in Edinburgh have been using he/him pronouns for me for the last few months and it’s a relief to not be called she, but it still feels just weird - I hear it and I’m like… ok. I can’t figure out if I’m into men either? I have definitely found men attractive in the past, but way less often than I do women. I think also I would sleep with a guy and go on dates etc, but I don’t think I’m super invested in it as an idea. Am I bi or just kind of casually horny?? AAAAAaaaa

Anyway I am mostly doing fine, and looking forwards to what comes next.

#transition update #1 month on t

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littlecafe · 3 years

Text

my suband thoughts pt. 2

(me trying to make this post for the 3rd time now) i realized i wrote like a 10 page dissertation instead and i refuse to post all that so i’m just going to copy over a few and keep the rest in drafts for when i want to reference them later

i will include results and elimination spoilers in this post so if you want to avoid those then don’t read this one...i try to keep things spoiler free but i just. have things to say about the results specific to round 2 :-)

jtbc finally striking down accounts on twitter and instagram for posting suband content....i think tumblr is safe bc this website is dead so i’ll continue posting i guess??? they haven’t done anything to that one youtube that’s been posting all the performance videos too so who knows

should i start with more contestant based random thoughts first

i was scammed by jtbc teaser editor bc they used a clip of jeongho “singing” into the mic in their preview and i waited 2 whole episodes (his team performed last in round 2) for me to find out it was a autotuned mic and a vocoder HELP MEEEE SAKJFDSKF at that point literally i could only laugh

but he plays contrabass? he actually majored in contrabass? or maybe that was his old major, he’s still in school atm since wonsang said they go to the same one but he had educational training on it which is really cool

wait a minute......now that i think about it, that same teaser clip also spoiled the result of yeji winning bc they showed us that she was sitting in the waiting room during eliminations even though they haven’t performed yet (which means we knew her team won AND they already showed us all the matchups before so we also knew who she beat) WHO WAS EDITING THIS LMAO and it wasn’t even a accidental leak like she was sitting in the background, it was literally her reaction as the main focus and everything omg

hwang inkyu hello??? he’s movning’s bassist and he has a combined total of maybe 3 lines of airtime so far i wish he’d speak more bc i was so scared he’d get his ass kicked off the show bc he wouldn’t have been able to make a lasting impression but thank god hwanglin picked him up and seems like he’s going to be moving on with his team in the next round too (good for them the stage was so good i wanted to post it but haven’t yet..)

i used to really like movning’s music but their music direction went into a style i don’t listen to much so i haven’t checked into them recently, tbh i didn’t even know they auditioned until i looked at the full list of contestants later because their stage was cut out and only inkyu made it in

park dawool and hwang hyunjo both have galaxy brains and i would trust them with my life - yea i will not elaborate much because this post is already long even after i shortened it bc i talk too much but hyunjo making entire ppt slides? to present her theories and ideas? yea she’s absolutely ready for everything, for real she’s carrying her teams to victory

leenzy’s 2nd round team was so strong that i thought she got to pick really early (since they showed us all the team formations before airing the actual performances with the behinds for pickings and stuff) but she was actually the 2nd to last pair?? so all that’s left is her > the guy she chose to be her opponent, and then the poor guy that gets to pick from the remaining 6 or so and the final team of the ones unchosen

i was really shocked to find out no one wanted nakyung and ahkyung when i thought they were some of the best :-( i really still can’t tell if the mixing of male and female was a good idea esp since it was so skewed male in the first place ugh in round 2 it seems like the girls are getting shafted???

out of the 6 girls (that can be picked since 3 are frontmen!), 3 of them were not picked up until basically the very end when you don’t really have many choices left...nakyung (guitar), ahkyung (drums), and sujin (vocals)...and they’re all really good?? sujin ended up on the second to last team (basically the last team if we’re being honest since the actual last team is sadly the band of leftovers) and i just don’t understand why they weren’t picked up earlier...i can understand sometimes vocalists can get shafted because the show starts out with a loooot of vocalists so it’s hard to find a place for all of them but guitar? drums? u can definitely pick them...there’s literally only 7 or so drummers to begin with and one has been glued to crackshot the entire time

before the season started i was already terrified that the girls might get shafted because jtbc didn’t want girls auditioning in the first place but it was fine in the first round but now the second round made me think about that again.....it’s worse when they spin the whole “yes!! all girl band!! girl power!!!” when the reality was they weren’t picked up this whole time. annoying.

but this blame has to be shouldered by jtbc bc they wanted to keep it all boys but bc of public reactions (rightfully so) they decided to let female contestants audition but then it turned out that they barely pass any female contestants so it’s still terrible?!! i’ll just write this up that teams are still trying to figure themselves out and work with different people for now....maybe i’m just worried for nothing

not to absolutely curse myself but i think most of my favorites might make it at least to round 4 and i feel like a decent amount will make it to semis so haha /knock on wood but i really hope this stays true...i just need nokdu to continue taking care of hyunsang and make city pop bops together because the judges seem to like that so far

i’m just worried about demian....the judges keep saying he’s improved so much but why do i feel like they will cut him as soon as they need to eliminate more people.....i’m not as worried about round 3 (unless his team falls on their face) but round 4 is where i’m really scared...it’s the last round before the real deal and in season 1 the round 4 eliminations hurt so bad...they cut like 9 people or something

i mean he has his own career as a soloist so he doesn’t need a band like some of the other contestants but i think he really enjoys being in a team with others, honestly i don’t even know if his company would allow for him to be in a side band? even if he were to make it? like mone made it but all their members had solo careers and with the rose and woosung having problems it must be way they just decided to stop after the show unlike the other semis teams purple rain, lucy (they did have a vocalist change since joohyuk stayed with his current band gift), aftermoon (but i guess their dj dropped out i don’t know what happend with dpole??), and of course the winners hoppipolla all continued making music together under the same name

honestly if he makes it past the judges i don’t even know if the public would vote for him, atm his popularity with the public seems nonexistent? lol but to be fair, for most contestants it’s like that, but i do wish he’d become more popular

actually should i be more worried for haeun...she plays classic guitar and usually they don’t like classic leaning instruments but she showed she can sing so i hope she gets to stay

there’s danny too but i think i have given up on him making it until the end, the only way is if he manages to stay on teams that win so he’ll never be up for elimination but i feel like they’re out to get him TT_TT

but i’ve condensed my solid favorites to just demian, yeji, haeun, and jeongho...maybe i’ll pick a 5th eventually but i still like everyone i put in my first post! i really want hyunsang to make it far though bc the vibraphone brings me so much joy so he can be honorary 5th for now

about eliminations though, right now the judges have eliminated less than last season which is odd for jtbc because i feel they keep to their formats almost exactly so now i’m just ?????? if there’s still more people currently....what is going to happen? are they going to make the judges cut more during rounds 3 and 4? or they trying to equalize the semifinals teams since last year some teams had 4 people while others had 5? are they going to do the unthinkable and give us more rounds or semifinal teams? (i wish) anyways kinda scared to see what round 3 eliminations bring now...

the actual eliminations have been mostly as expected for me, still sad but i guess since i sensed it coming it became more a feeling of like “it couldn’t be helped” and also early eliminations hurt less in general because you had less time to get to know the contestants which is why i’d rather they just eliminate now than later if they were going to do it anyways like pls spare me the pain (but this is selfish and contestants probably want to stay as long as possible)

one surprising one was ludi??? he’s a dj but he’s literally done nothing wrong so far i was just wtf??!! when they eliminated him like it felt out of nowhere.....i feel like djs have so much potential on this show because of all the sounds they have access too but i guess the judges aren’t found of edm noise

also demian nation we rise at dawn, when he said “i’m not okay” like- this song really meant a lot to him too i hate thisssss

PLS I JUST WANT HIM TO WIN ONCE SO BADLY but next time, thanks to kfans detective work on the teaser, it looks like junseo (the smol piano child) picked him and jeongho to be on his team (maybe there’s a 4th member too??) and i am putting my faith into that team now pls help my winless boys

the fact that jeongho is winless is almost funny to me because it’s also obvious he’s a judges favorite but i mean that doesn’t translate to wins just i’m pretty sure he’ll make it to the end regardless (like bohoon the vocalist of purple rain lost all 3 /technically all 4/ rounds and still made it), he plays bass and no bassist has ever been eliminated on the show yet so cheers to that

round 4 was special since they switched over to a number format and no band versus band i don’t remember if the team with the top points were immune to elimination or not (or maybe just an unwritten rule bc why the heck would you do that to them after giving them the best score) but the rest of the teams were fair game - which is exactly why this elimination round is the scariest and not good for my heart especially after i had spent weeks watching them sing and have fun..........

ok now to complain about the judges AGAIN: why are the judges thoughts on what they want in a band so damn similar anyway?

i mentioned this in my first post already about how i dislike the judging atmosphere

but now i actually see it...in the numbers...like s1 there was a bit more taste diversity within the judges but now i feel like i’m seeing a lot of 4:1 or 5:0 scores so i went to see the breakdown out of the 15 stages we had so far

5:0 score - 6

4:1 score - 7

3:2 score - 2

compared to s1 (out of 14 only because they edited out one pair of battles completely so we never knew their score...)

5:0 score - 2

4:1 score - 6

3:2 score - 6

looking at that...it makes me feel sad....especially in the early 2 rounds it must be demoralizing to keep getting met with 5:0 loss and to be very honest and in s1 the number of 5:0 did increase in round 3 but that was when more teams started to figure themselves out so it makes sense that some would start pulling ahead

i’m really tired of listening to the judges agreeing with each other all the time, it makes it seem like the vision they have for the band was already set from day 1 unlike in s1 where everyone went in with no expectations because it was a brand new program, zero expectations, zero fans, just some kids wanting to make music and that’s what it should be like....music shouldn’t be limiting like this, the judges seem a little closed minded and now i’m 100% sure they have certain band styles in mind (i don’t know if it’s the judges only or if it’s jtbc producers too that’s causing this)

and i see other ifans saying this exact same thing on twitter now too so it’s not just me that picked up on this so safe to say we can’t all be extremely sensitive right

like the contradictory comments -

dongheon’s 2nd round team was told their original song was great and lovely but they brought nothing new to the table and that it was too standard, “just like any other rock/rock ballad song” when i thought the leenzy’s team (the one they went up against) also had a pretty standard? pop rock song? absolutely nothing wrong with it either, even the judges said that the song was not complicated at all but complimented them on their “band feel” so i guess as long as they enjoyed the vibe of the team and it suited the type of band style they have in mind it’s suddenly fine to make a simple song

i’m not saying her song was worse than his (i enjoyed both and seeing original songs performed make me very happy), i’m just a little confused at the judges comments for them both especially when one performed after the other, you really don’t see the bias in your words?

dawool was told his song composition in the first stage was a little too...nuanced(?) and that they wish he could just keep thing simpler even though he thought he toned down already and kept things simple, so round 2 he decided to just work with someone that makes mainstream music (davii) to fulfil what the judges want

seulong’s 2nd round team decided to go heavier on the instrumental side because they figured they didn’t want to go head to head with one of the favorite vocalists of the show (sorry yeji, ur my queen but ur also the judges’ queen too :---( ) but got criticized for a similar reason...yoo heeyeol saying that their composition was “fun for the brain” but if he were thinking about the general public he doesn’t think they would like this type of music, literally saying that the general public do not have the music knowledge or brain capacity to understand all the skill based playing going on musically and so won’t enjoy it because it wouldn’t appeal to their hearts................(ok sure call us dumb it’s true but won’t appeal to our hearts? music can sound intricate and fun? we can enjoy some funky strings guitar riffs without actually knowing all the details ya know)

they also kept telling them (seulong’s team) “oh i loved this” “i wish there was a band like this” “very cool” and gave them no votes??? if you wish a band like this exist then why? would? you? not? vote? for them??? like i can’t tell if those were consolation comments or what

man judges rant ended up being long asf and i’m usually not affected by them and what they say but i was already feeling an odd vibe from the beginning and now seeing 5:0 after 5:0 after 5:0 really did it for me

overall, a not very fun post to read through it’s just more ranting than anything....i’m dying for a big pop off performance so i can successfully gauge the public opinion so far but i’ll refrain from posting my guess until at least the end of round 3, also i believe the team vibe usually outweighs solo popularity but we don’t know any teams yet (at least i can’t guess anyone yet like i could in s1) so we will still have to see!!

i’m pretty sure only i would look and read through these long ass posts of mine lol but if anyone makes it this far i hope you enjoy my crazy ramblings and see you in my suband thoughts pt.3

#me: copy over a few / the read more in question: still 50 pages long WHAT AM I DOING WRONG #i will just blame the pictures to elongating this post sajkhdsf #abbreviating so this post hopefully won't be in anyone's tags i hate tumblr tagging system #this is literally just me ranting about the judges for half of the post #i'm usually indifferent towards judging panel but compared to s1 this year's is soooo off lmao i hate it actually #tea talks

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jooheongif · 6 years

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it's theory anon,hi!!how are YOU?i'm really good rn thanks:)) thank you for your kindness again,i'm really happy i could somehow help to help you feel even a tiny bit better and hope you're doing well now,too(and it's ok to not rest on your day off but it's also ok to do so if that's what you feel is right for you atm!).about the mf(ilm), i thought the same thing, it felt like a parallel universe type of story!i also really love plotlines about friendship, (again cont.i'll try to be briefer!)

(i’m so sorry i wrote a rly long reply so i’m gonna put this under read more !!)

2. friendship is beautiful and i feel oftentimes underappreciated(but not mx!there they go again being amazing) so i love the concept. personally i like not knowing what exactly the producers were thinking because having my own interpretation of something and seeing other ppl have their own fills me with wonder,like,that's art!so many people think so many different things and no one's wrong i love it!!your thoughts about them appreciating everything they've done so far,you're absolutely right(cont) 3. i hope they are able to bc everything's so hectic for the.i get lost just looking at their official schedule,i don't know how they do it but i also hope they are aware of all these things bc those are all mindblowingly huge accomplishments in my opinion and i just want them to feel like their hard work is worth it,yknow?(is this comprehensible?)and i know they feel pressure because as you said the business is nasty but yea i hope at the end of the day they can feel like (cont.???again 4. everything they've put so much of themselves into is worth it,i love their energy and fierce determination and i just don't want them to lose it but maybe as you said feel less pressured..but then the only way would realistically be to make sure they get awarded in the Real World so we're all doing our best in the system&hating it as you said:/ they just mean so much to so many people i want them to feel that too!i try to contain myself but here i go again! sorry it's so long AND i have more(con 5. also!thank you for your big reply and sharing your thoughts i mostly just agreed with (but you're right so what else can i do),i don't have mbb friends to vent to and fanperson(is there a gender neutral term for fanboy/fangirl?) over mx with and this is really nice and fulfilling(again,if i'm boring you,you can just delete the messages and not reply!) so THANKS!it's great to strive to be a better person but i feel like one(you) should also acknowledge the good things they're already doing(cont?) 6. you showed such pure kindness and really melted someone's(my) heart and that's a Big Deal!djkghddgwe can agree that we both inspired each other :') also please i feel like you're such a wonderful soul and you really deserve every bit of gratitude and appreciation i managed to express(i feel a lot moreprobably) so!yeah!reminder that you're lovely and deserve to be appreciated and i'm also very,very happy you're here!you made my day brighter for the 2nd time now wow!thanks! i hope you and(cont.:() 7. your gorgeous heart are taking good care and enjoying your day/night! and this cb!i really like it i haven't had time to listen to the entire album but jealousy!is a bop honestly it's my type of jam and the choreo is stunning and so are their voices!iwas so skeptical about the lyrics(they could've been like hero or stuck and those made me a bit >:/ honestly) but i really should've known they wouldn't fail me in any way ever!i can't wait to hear the rest of the songs i hope you enjoy them too!bye

hi theory anon, it's nice to hear from u again ! firstly, i am so sorry for the slow reply to this ! but im rly glad to know that u are doing good :-) i'm doing ok too thank u !! how are u ? kfjjfdsjfdf sorry that u had to read my tags but thank u for saying that !! i just feel so guilty when i do nothing bc im absolutely terrified of time passing too quickly ? just the thought of letting a few minutes go to waste is overwhelming ? even though i know it's not rational to think like this but ??? theres just this constant feeling that im running out of time so i try to get rid of it by always doing smth ?? and feel bad when i dont ? idk ?? but anyway im working on it and ill be ok ! sorry..not to be dramatic and tmi and all that kjdfdj istg this blog gives me too much freedom to say...too much :( (hope the internet folks that collect metadata never read the garbage i write bc..yikes they aren't gonna hav the best time) anyway..yea. what a paragraph to start off this reply :( sorry for the honesty and saying so much all the time btw :( not that being honest is necessarily a bad thing but ! idk every time i write smth i suddenly feel extra self conscious and feel like deleting it bc im rly embarrassed and always end up having big regret later when i reread anything ive typed up !! but i just keep writing them anyway bc...idk ?? i'd rly hate it if someone got discouraged from sharing their thoughts/worries/feelings which i think is a rly important human thing :( so yea im rly embarrassed w anything i write but i'll keep doing it anyway bc i'm all for that kind of stuff and sometimes i know its not easy and it takes someone a lot to share that and its a good thing and i dont ever want anyone to feel discouraged from doing that ! anyway i just felt like i rly needed to say all of this..but pls dont feel obliged to reply to this mess !! anyway back to mx ! you are right :( i also hope mx feel like what they've done is worth smth w/e their definition or standard of that is :( like.. all of the hard work they've put into being mx it certainly means so much to fans but i hope all the hard work they've put into being mx also means smth to them at the end of the day and they are happy w what they're doing and what they've achieved so far :( and yes we'd love mx to always be rewarded in the real world :( though we love them and we want to get them a win, i know that everyone has their commitments, means and different circumstances and we can only do so much :( but even if u think its just a small contribution, everything adds up and counts and i know that all mbb hav contributed in some way in helping them get another win for this cb ! there are some mbb who can't buy albums or streaming passes and things and i hope they don't feel bad for this :( even if all you can do is watch the mv once or twice, even if you could only vote, i hope you know that it all counts and matters !! abt mx's schedule, i get tired just by looking at their weekly one idk how they can even put up w it all ?? after this they'll hav their japanese album and things and then they'll have their concerts and on top of all that apparently [some of them are also studying] ????? they are so hardworking :( HOW do they do it !! just..thinking abt their schedule is overwhelming !!! also pls dont think that you're boring me or anything like that :( im so thankful for any msg i receive and the fact that u actually took the time to type out smth to send to me ?? im so grateful ?? u are never boring !! honestly even if u sent me a stainless steel dishwasher manual w the page length of like..23 bibles, i'd still love u for it and i'd prob read all of it :( btw thank u sm for saying all those kind things !!! receiving kindness for the 3rd time is rly !!!!!!! and once again i've done nothing to deserve it :( i dont even know what i can say to you that will ever be enough to thank u again or to top what u hav already said ! if there was like a...maslows hierarchy of kindness of smth, ur at the very top of that triangle and anything i say will never be as kind as what you have said !! for you, i can agree that we both inspired each other :-) but really thank u so much from the bottom of my heart :( i hope you know how kind and lovely u are too ! if nobody told u this today, i wanted to say that im rly grateful to know u and i'm happy that you're here !! thank u again for being so kind and thoughtful and for making me smile !! :( same, i havent properly listened to the whole album either bc ive just been letting it stream in the background (but i dont count that as a proper listen unless i listen w headphones tbh) ill give it a good listen one day ! also im a repeat 1 kind of garbage person until i feel the need to listen to a new song ?? and rn jealousy to me is a song that gets better w every listen ??? shes too powerful atm :( one day ill listen to another song but today is not that day ! Actually.....I think jealousy is my fav mx song ???? before this cb i didnt hav a fav bc i couldnt pick the song i liked most out of blue moon/blind/fighter/incomparable. i was just gonna base it off the one w the most play count out of those 4 but now i know its jealousy ! what are ur fav mx songs ?? btw i know im always saying that anything mx releases is always a masterpiece no matter what, but in all seriousness its ok if u didn't like smth they released. i don't think it makes u any less of a mbb if u didn't enjoy a certain release or if u only liked one aspect of a thing but not so much the rest of the thing. anyway not to sound so...stale and commonplace but for lack of a better word/sentence, at the end of the day your own reactions and feelings to a piece of art like music...it's all just subjective isnt it ?? not liking that thing doesnt mean that its not a masterpiece or its any less of a masterpiece to someone else either so !! it's ok !! anyway this is rly....ive written a lot and its all over the place and incoherent probably :( i'm sorry !! feel free to reply whenever u feel like it, or no pressure on never replying at all btw ! also feel free to disagree w anything i say ! thank u sm for talking to me abt mx bc ive also got no mbb friends so !!! thank you :( theres so many times where i rly want to start a conversation w someone but im too scared and also i've got no clue abt how to initiate conversation ! and the times when i do manage to...i get stuck on how to keep the conversation going ? but when i figure smth out then im coming for u @ friendship !! i hope u had a good weekend and that you got some rest and that ur doing ok wherever u are !! until next time, take care ❤️❤️❤️

#how did i..even end up writing so much im so sorry :-(#and sorry that this is all over the place !!#i hope i didn't go on too much of a tangent :(#ask #theory anon #Anonymous

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