#listening to the barbie album on it now while my dad went to go get his cassettes

[skunkes]

i love my new musik machine im so so so so so so so happy yay yay yay yay

Im like those videos of animals jumping all around a room rn

[survey--s]

596.

Who is your most loved person?  My husband and my parents.

Have you ever been bullied?  Yeah, for several years as a teenager/pre-teen.

Who makes you the happiest?  My animals.

What is the most heroic thing you’ve ever done?  I honestly have no idea.

What calms you down when you’re upset?  A nice hot bubble bath, followed by my favourite movie and snacks.

Have you been betrayed in the past? How?  Sure, in lots of different ways.

Who do you miss the most?  I don't really miss anyone at the moment.

What’s one sweet/candy you miss from your childhood?  Toffos! The fruit ones were my favourite but they were discontinued years ago. I used to buy them at least once a week.

Do you have a favourite celebrity chef?  Gordon Ramsay or Andy Hearnden if he counts as a celebrity.

Do you prefer diamonds or pearls?  Diamonds.

Is there anything coming out soon (books, albums, movies, video games) that you’re looking forward to?  I want to see the Barbie movie while I'm off work.

How do you go about finding books/movies/music to read/watch/listen to?  Books - I just browse bookshops until something catches my eye. Movies - I look at Netflix or whatever and see what I fancy. Music - Spotify or YouTube mostly.

What’s a band/musician you were really into for a while but who you don’t care about or hardly listen to anymore?  Uh, Dashboard Confessional.

What is something someone recommended to you that you disliked/hated?  Hmm, nothing is coming to mind right now.

Do you find it difficult to keep up with online friendships?  I don't really try to keep up with them, to be honest. I'm not really great when it comes to maintaining friendships so we just speak as/when - luckily most of them appear to be the same as me lol.

Has there ever been a person you regret ever being friends with?  No.

Do you think you have a good understanding on love?  I mean, I don't really think that I need to understand it. As long as you're happy in your relationship then it's fine, surely?

What do you want to do on your honeymoon?  We went to Scotland for our honeymoon and rented a house with a private beach which was amazing.

What do you think of your parent(s)?  I had good parents. They did a lot for me and generally I had a really good childhood. If I could change anything it would be how much they worked.

If your best friend confessed that they can see the future, you would…?  Tell her to go and get some help lol.

What’s your least favorite pizza topping?  Pineapple or anything spicy.

What’s your dream pet?  If I had the time and the space, I would love a horse. I also love the idea of a Savannah cat but I don't think it's fair unless you have the space.

Most unattractive male name, in your opinion?  Derek.

Is your pet dog male or female?  He's male. All our animals are male, actually, though we've had female cats in the past.

Have you or would you try shark meat?  I have - it was pretty good, actually. I'd have it again.

Do you know anyone that’s pescatarian?  Yeah, my dad is.

Do you think the government has a cure for cancer, but is hiding it from public?  I don't exactly believe it, but it genuinely wouldn't surprise me lol.

Do people normally describe you as sexy? No.

Was your ex born in America?  No.

Has your best friend ever made you cry?  Yeah.

Do you still talk to the person you liked six months ago?  We're still married, so yeah.

Has anyone ever talked you into doing something you didn’t want to do?  Sure, isn't that a fairly normal part of life for most people?

Are you smiling in your Facebook profile picture?  No.

Be honest, does the person you like actually deserve you?  I don't really get this idea. He picked me and chose so me and that's enough for me.

List 5 things that have been on your mind most recently.  Seeing my mum on Sunday, finishing work for the holidays, getting the food shop done, looking after Monty in September and sorting out my sister-in-laws cat.

Would you ever wear black lipstick? Do you know anyone who does?  No, no.

If you wear eye shadow, do you put on a dark colour or a light?  It depends on my outfit but normally I go for darker ones.

Do you combine your socks and underwear in the same drawer?  Yes, I do.

Does the last person you kissed live within walking distance?  Yeah, we live together.

Is there someone you could hang out with all the time, without ever getting bored of them?  No. I need my space and couldn't cope if I had to spend all my time surrounded by other people. Even Mike and I need space.

Do you know a girl named Beth? Tell me about her.  I used to - she was my boyfriend's best friend. She got married a few years ago and got pregnant and then I think her husband cheated on her? As the marriage didn't last very long and now she has a baby.

Do you think the last person you kissed has ever lied to you?  Yes.

Have you ever been hit on by somebody way too old for you?  Define "way too old"?

First kink tried?  Bondage.

First time doing oral?  I was...15 I think?

Do you send nudes? Do you like receiving them?  No, no.

How much teasing do you like?  I'm not really a fan of it at all.

Are you okay with name-calling in bed?  No.

How often do you do unprotected sex?  All our sex is unprotected.

Do you like wearing/seeing people in lingerie?  Sure.

Are stockings/thigh-highs a turn on?  Not for me.

How many other people know your bra size?  I doubt anyone else does. Maybe my mum?

Do you have any friends you’d sleep with?  Nope.

Does the person you like have any flaws?  Sure, everyone has flaws.

Has anyone ever given you a ring? Why?  Yeah, once "just because", twice for engagement purposes and then one wedding ring too.

Creation theory, evolution or the Big Bang theory?  The Big Bang Theory and evolution kind of go together? lol. Anyway, those. I don't understand how anyone can believe in creationism.

What was your last serious conversation about?  I don't remember.

Have you ever been into a real cave?  Yes.

Have you ever posted mean comments on YouTube?  I don't think I've ever left a comment on YouTube, good or bad lol.

Name the strangest game you’ve ever played (video game or real game):  Nothing in particular is coming to mind right now.

Who was the last person to play with your hair? Are they cute?  I have no idea, I hate people playing with my hair.

Who was the last person close to you that died? Did you cry?  Probably Val and no, I didn't. It was a relief more than anything else, as absolutely awful as that sounds.

Do you know anyone who uses medical marijuana?  No, that's not legal here.

Do you know anyone who’s died in childbirth?  No.

Do you agree with the “they’re just being kids” excuse?  I mean, "kids are kids" explains things like, them spilling drinks or eating with their mouths open, but it doesn't justify really bad behaviour or anything.

Have you told your parents all of your secrets from when you were a teen?  Nope.

What’s the worst name your mom has ever called you?  She's never called me anything awful.

What’s your stance on spooning?  Aww, I love spooning but I hate feeling all enclosed and sweaty lol.

Do you currently want a new computer?  I'd like one but I can't afford one so there we go, I'll just have to make do lol. This one is fine for now though.

How would your parents react if you got a tattoo?  My mum actually quite likes my tattoo but my dad just refuses to speak about it - I think he likes to pretend it hasn't happened lol.

Who is your truest friend?  Mike and Susie.

Who is your oldest friend?  Jimmi.

How long have you known them?  Since we were two, so 32 years lol.

Where are they right now?  I assume he's at work.

Have you ever dated a friend of one of your siblings?  I don't have any siblings.

Have you ever dated someone who had a child?  Yeah, and I would absolutely never do it again.

What has been your biggest failure in life?  I don't really consider anything I've done as a failing, tbh.

Do you trust yourself?  For the most part.

Would you ever consider getting an abortion, under any circumstances?  Yep. I have zero desire to have children thanks.

What was the last bug you killed?  A spider.

Do you prefer profile pictures by yourself of with someone else?  As long as I look decent, I really don't mind lol.

Has a boyfriend’s/girlfriend’s parents ever gotten mad at you? Why?  Not so far as I know.

What is the funniest thing a child has ever said to you.  I honestly don't know.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #309

“show me how to lie - you’re getting better all the time  /  and turning all against one is an art that’s hard to teach.”

Have you ever played Jackbox Games? If so, which ones of their party games are your favorites? No, but I looooove watching Mark and The Boys play them on charity streams. They can make up the funniest shit. I can't recall the name of the specific one I'm thinking of... but I enjoy watching most of them. I do think one or two are boring, though. Do you have artistic friends? If so, have you got their artwork displayed? I have some very talented friends, but I don't have anything of theirs displayed somewhere. Have you ever considered pole dancing? Why/why not? No. It takes an incredible amount of strength, plus confidence I don't have. That and I'm just not into it. What's the last thing you fixed yourself? Uhhhhhhh bitch I couldn't tell ya. Are there any CDs you've held onto for sentimental reasons? No. Did you read the Barbie magazines with comics made with the actual dolls? "I didn’t know that was a real thing." <<<< Me either. What's the last thing you knitted? I've never knitted before. Who was your first online friend? Emma. :') She was the first person who joined my RP mob back in the Animal Planet forum days. Why do you take surveys? Be honest. Boredom, distraction, and sometimes I just wanna ramble about whatever. Does mail get delivered to your door or do you have a mailbox outside? Our mailbox is by the side of the road at the end of our driveway. Your doorbell rings out of the blue. What's your reaction? Let Mom answer it. I don't answer the door ever if I don't expect someone or can peek outside and don't recognize them. Are all the lamps in your home LED or other energy saving lights? I don't know. Do you prefer writing by hand or typing? Typing. I can't write very long at all before my carpal tunnel flares up. Think of one of the biggest decisions you've had to make in your life...If you made a different choice, how different would your life be now? I'd be dead, that simple. Have you ever taken a course on CPR? No. What makes you laugh most effortlessly? You can guess it pretty easily. What makes you cry most effortlessly? I make it a rule that I "can't" listen to "Eternally Yours" by Motionless In White because there hasn't been even ONE occasion where it hasn't made me cry, even when I was stupid enough to binge it because it's just a good song. I've broken that "rule" before because I do just genuinely enjoy the song, but I know the pain truly isn't worth it, so I haven't heard it in a decently long time. What is the best smell in the whole world? Cinnamon rolls, probably. My body wash is currently that kind of smell, and Jesus Christ it's the best part of showering. Do you wear a watch? No. Can you tell time from an analog clock? Yes. What a time it'll be when kids can't anymore... Is there a number or a combination of numbers that feels important to you? Only dates, but not numbers themselves. What is the most socially awkward thing you've done? *gestures at my life as a whole* Is your computer decorated in any way? No. If your old class was to have a reunion, would you attend it? No. No. I don't want to relive my high school experience; it would be too painful for me to willingly walk into. What's the worst thing that's ever happened to you? I would say "the breakup," but technically it was letting him basically own me and my every neuron of joy. Not by his will of course, but my own. I was stupid and just... handed those rights over without really realizing it. I can harp forever and ever and EVER about the importance of making sure you own yourself and your emotions. Do you ever donate money to charity? If so, which charity and why? Blah blah blah, I don't get an income, you know this. Whenever I do, I 100% plan on donating to every charity stream Mark ever hosts again, as well as some other people's. I'd love to donate to a lot of places. Would you ever want to get married? If so, why? Yes, because society has made it too instilled in me that it's just like... this ultimate validation of "forever" with your partner, even though I know you can be just as or even far more invested in your relationship without marriage. The only *true* benefit of marriage imo is for legal and financial reasons, but yeah, I still want it. Like I said, it's too deeply embedded in that brain of mine that it's a relationship goal. Why do you live the way you do? I'm not even living the way I want to, so... Have you ever abused an animal? No, and I say "fuck you" with every ounce of sincerity and loathing if you have. Do you think animals are less important than humans? If so, why? Nope. We share this earth and grew from the same roots, so what *really* makes us better? We might be smarter (generally) and more developed as the apex predator, but that does not equate to being more important than, say, even a gnat. That creature has the exact same level of rights to be here as the human species does. I could go on and on and on about this topic. How close was the last person close to you who has died? Not extremely, but she was still important to and loved by me. Grandma and I were very, very different and butted heads more than once, but her love was unconditional, and she showed boundless kindness to others. She showed a courage I see as unmatched in the face of death. I truly, deeply, in the very core of my heart hope she is at peace and experiencing all joys she ever wished for. How does death in general make you feel? Well, it depends on how I'm looking at it. I fully accept it is an inevitable phase in simply existing that none of us will ever evade, so it's not exactly terrifying to me, though of course I don't want it anytime soon. If I'm thinking about people I love dying, I definitely get sad about it and scared of that possibly eternal separation. Is there a person you absolutely loathe? If so, why do you loathe them? Not that I know personally, no. Has anyone ever told you that you're rude? If so, what caused it? No; I think I'm very mannerly, honestly. Have you ever seen a therapist? I've regularly seen therapists since I started middle school. I advocate for everyone to have one, honestly, whether you have a mental illness or not. Have you ever been homeless? In technical terms, yes, but a friend let me stay with her until Mom and I settled into a new place. Have you ever been completely broke? That's the actual story of my life. Well, not me personally considering I've never had to take care of myself financially, but my mom struggles very, very badly with this, and mind you, she's frugal. Just disgustingly underpaid when she worked, and her current status with disability isn't exactly incredibly generous. I live under her roof, so. Have you ever had a steady job? No. Have you ever needed a loan? If so, what for? Have you paid it back? Yes, for school, and no. I do NOT want to know how in debt I am with schools. Have you ever wanted to go to space? Not seriously, no. What's the weirdest thing you've ever seen or heard? I am 99.99% sure mine and Jason's old roommates were having some ~kinky~ sex once while I was alone on the couch against their bedroom. Preeeetty sure the girl was making meowing sounds. They were furries (who I want to emphasize have zero judgment from me; I actually think they're very brave and creative), so that was... something I definitely wasn't used to hearing, haha. What has been the most exciting moment of your life thus far? Probably when Mark N O T I C E D me on Tumblr by reblogging a gif I made of him and his pupper, and I LITERALLY struggled to sleep for three days lmfaoooo. How many birds can you name just by looking at them? Uhhhh a pretty decent amount, I'd say. Which birds are most common around your neighborhood? Crows, sparrows, cardinals and bluejays if you're lucky, robins... pretty basic stuff like that. What do you think is the most interesting sea creature? Octopi are absolutely fascinating with their intelligence. How do you reset your head to zero, so to speak? Take a nap. That usually works. Have you ever gone exploring an abandoned building? Yeah, I love that shit and really wish I could do it more. Bring my camera, too. Are there any foreign television shows you enjoy watching? Some animes. Do you have any clocks in your house that chime when the hour changes? Do those types of clocks annoy you? No. I actually quite like them, though. Has anyone ever let you borrow some of their music, promising you'd love it, but you really didn't? Did you lie to the person and agree, or tell the truth, that you hated it? My dad lent me his Shinedown CD once clearly without thinking I could just look up the album online, haha... He's an old clueless man, leave 'im be. But anyway, of course I listened to it for him and I enjoyed it; I especially loved "The Human Radio," "Kill Your Conscience" and "Pyro." Have you had the same doctor pretty much your whole life, or have you went to a bunch of different ones over the years? Have you ever been to the doctor thinking something was horribly wrong with you, but it turned out to be something minor? Mine has changed a few times, but I haven't had "a bunch." As for the second question, not to my recollection. Is the background on your phone a default picture, or a picture you took? What is the picture of? The lock screen is a pastel-styled list of mental health reminders: "i am strong, i am loved, i am enough." My home screen has been some adorable meerkat pups for a while, which I didn't take. What is your favorite type of print (ex: zebra, stripes, argyle)? Do you have a lot of things with this print on it? Ummmm maybe plaid? No. Are there any stores you feel uncomfortable going into (ex: if you dress girly, do you feel uncomfortable going into Hot Topic)? Are there any stores that you refuse, or just never go in to? The only situation I could think of would be a sex shop. That'd be so fuckin uncomfortable. What is your favorite brand of clothing? Is this a brand that is sort of expensive, or is it pretty affordable? I'm heavily biased towards Cloak, haha. I just support anything and everything Mark takes part it, and it's his and jacksepticeye's business. I have one shirt and it's genuinely great quality and reall comfy. I wouldn't call its products expensive, but they're not cheap, either. What person do you text the most? My mom or Sara, depending on the day. Do you have any pictures that always make you laugh, or cry? Are they digital pictures, or printed pictures? What is the significance? No. Not pictures I have anymore, at least. Have you ever eaten raw pumpkin? Omg I would never. I hate the flavor of any sort of pumpkin food. Does your car have a name? I don't have my own car, but Mom jokingly calls hers "Olivia." Who was the last person you made plans with? One of my sister's in-laws that's actually the mother of one of my closest friends contacted me to plan some family pictures. What is the rudest thing someone has done recently towards you? I can't think of anything recent. How do you feel about your hair right now? It needs to be trimmed and dyed. How fast have you driven a car? I think accidentally leaning towards 80 on a highway. When you're hanging out with friends + you become bored, do you just leave or endure the boredom? Given I can't leave without a car, I deal with it. What did you last plug into your computer? What were you doing with this? The charger for obvious reasons. What color(s) have you dyed your hair? Red, purple, black, then red, purple, and lighter brown highlights. I really wish I could dye it more and actually have the color stick... Was your first kiss perfect? It was to me. What song did you hear last? I have "Over The Mountain" by Ozzy on now. (: Does anyone have any blackmail on you? No. Have you ever walked into the guys' bathroom? HA, once during a teacher work day (my mom was an assistant) at my elementary school. My sisters and friends went in there to be little "rebels." I remember being mega confused with urinals, haha. Then as a teen and adult, I've been in the dance studio's boy's restroom as well as a church's to help Mom clean. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? My therapist. Are you shy? I am VERY shy. Are you talkative? Generally, no, but when I'm in a very good mood, I tend to be. Has your most recent ex ever seen you cry? Oh jeez, she saw me wail once. When was the last time you were called "cute"? I'm not sure. Would you rather be called "hot", "cute" or "beautiful"? "Beautiful." Do you have a little sister? Yep. Definitely not "little" anymore, though. About to have her Master's in social work... How many arguments have you had with the last person you kissed? Given our childhood, we've fought a lot, but mostly just as kids over very, very stupid things. As adults, we've had a serious argument once or twice and then just some very minor disagreements sprinkled in there. Do you know anyone who's been arrested? Oh yes. What're you planning on doing after this? Another survey. What time did you go to sleep last night? Damn, it wasn't even 8:00. I was EXHAUSTED and actually slept decently for once in my life. Do you like waking up to good morning texts in the morning? I mean, I'd think most people would. It's a sweet, easy way of someone showing they care and think about you. Have you left some things unsaid with a certain person? Yeah. What was the last thing that made you happy? We had syrup to add to my breakfast, haha. I don't know if these are a thing everywhere, but I looove what we just call "pancakes on a stick," which is like a corndog, but with sausage and pancake batter. Dipping it in syrup is amaaaaaaziiiiiiing. Do you like the smell of rain? I don't love it, but it's refreshing sometimes. It's mostly just associated with a bittersweet memory, so it can be triggering to smell. I know, that sounds immensely stupid. What was the last thing you took a picture of? A very, very relatable meme to show Sara, haha. She doesn't have a Facebook, so that'll do. When you go to McDonald's, what drink do you usually get? I always get a Coke. What’s the nickname of your home state? Tar Heel State, from discovering tar in the since aptly-named Tar River. Have you ever thought about your wedding? I mean duh. What’s the worse type of weather in your opinion? Hot and humid, ugh. Especially right after a summer afternoon thunderstorm. It's unbearable. You can't fucking breathe outside, and you set one foot out of the door and it's soaked. Do you have a Kindle or iPad or neither? Neither. Would you rather read or write? Write. When was the last time someone took a picture of you? The time Misty visited last month and we were taking family pictures. Would you rather see Taylor Swift or Carrie Underwood in concert? I wouldn't pay for either or even willingly go to one or the other, but if I had to go for whatever reason, Carrie. She has a beautiful voice as well as a good handful of songs I actually like. I'm not a Taylor fan; there are only like, two old songs by her I enjoy. When someone screws you over, do you get back with revenge? No. I may not be the best at adulting, but damn, I'm not that bad. Name something negative that you hate about yourself? I overthink like a motherfucker. About everything. Is there a dead end road near where you live? I live on one. Huh, that's actually been the case three times... wow. Four if you count the apartment. Who are you tired of seeing in the news a lot (celebrities)? I don't care. I don't even pay attention to the news, other than Covid updates. Have you ever had to call and complain about a product you bought? No. Name something positive you love about yourself: I care a lot about people. Can you smell anything right now? No, besides however my house naturally smells that I'm numb to. Have you spoken to a relative on the phone today? No. How does alcohol affect you? I flush in my face very obviously, and I become more outgoing and talkative. Have you ever eaten tofu and if so, did you enjoy it? I've never tried it, but I very much doubt I'd enjoy it. What was the last type of meat you ate? Pork. What colour is your toothpaste? Blue and white. Have you ever been suspended from school? No. Have you ever inhaled helium? Once, I believe. Are you a fan of Adam Sandler? Yeah, I think he's pretty funny and a talented actor. What was the last fruit you ate? An apple. A candied apple for Valentine's Day, but still an apple, haha. Have you ever watched Parks and Recreation? With Sara's family, yeah. It was fine. Have you watched a movie this week? I haven't watched a movie in many months. Have you set an alarm today? Yeah, just to ensure I was up for group therapy today. Have you asked someone for advice today? No. What was the last website you were on, other than this one? YouTube. Have you ever been to Hawaii? No, but it'd be cool. Well, thinking about the humidity... Have you watched more than an hour of TV today? No; I haven't watched television in a long time. Do you keep magazines by your toilet? No. The last time you got dressed up, where did you go? I got my makeup done and put on a dress for a Halloween "witch" shoot with my friend and some other people. The pictures pretty much don't exist because they're blurry as shit and way too dark because we left too late. I don't know why we even left the house to do it by the time everyone figured their shit out. I was really disappointed because I thought Summer made me look really, really pretty. ;_; Did the one person who hurt you the most in your life apologize? Yes, but I don't know if he really meant it. He might have just wanted me off his back, but I kinda feel now that he meant it, at least regarding how it happened. Are you proud of who you are? Only in the sense that I think I have a good heart. Otherwise, no. I've accomplished so little. Have you ever been to Costco? We don't have those here, so no. Do/did you have to wear a uniform to your high school? No, thank Christ. Only in middle school. How many video games do you own? A whole lot. Have you ever been to a casino? If so, which one(s)? No. Have you ever visited a sex shop? No. How many sets of keys do you have for your house? One. Do you give spare keys to your place to your friends and family? Our landlord/family friend has one. Then obviously my sisters do, too. Have you ever ridden a bicycle through a busy city? Oh hell no. Do you use Instagram? How often do you post there? Yes, two for each of my photography "styles." I don't post a lot myself, but I react to stuff. When was the last time you high-fived someone? I believe the last time I was at my sister's and my nephew caught a Pokemon on his first throw in Pokemon GO. He and his sister LOVE that game; that's the first thing they ask to do when I come over, haha. Their dad doesn't like it because it's "evil" (which he finds most things, really...), and it's something I could roll my eyes into the back of my head about, but I still have to respect his parenting and ask if they can play it first. He let's 'em, just not long. He also took away the Pikachu plushy I gave Aubree because it's her favorite one. :^) Guess who doesn't fuckin like him lmao. Do you like writing? How often do you write? I love writing! I don't do it very much nowadays except through surveys, though. RP is kinda on pause, so surveys is really how I just get stuff out, even if it isn't creative. Are there any posters or artworks hanging in your living room? Artwork and family photos, yes. What's your favourite place to get pizza? I'm a basic bitch that loves her some Domino's. How many times have you been to the beach? Quite a few times. We live only like two hours away, and considering Myrtle Beach is a common dance competition location, we've been a couple handfuls of instances. Has there ever been a fire inside your house? Tell me the story. No. After we moved out of my childhood house though that we actually owned, the fucking idiots who were moving in completely roasted it to pitch by setting boxes on the goddamn stove and accidentally turning it on. The house had to be entirely rebuilt. My parents were livid considering it was THEIR house. Have you ever had a scary encounter with a wild animal? No. What was the best school project you remember doing? I actually really enjoyed the huge essay I did on toxic masculinity the last time I tried college. I've always been very firm about letting men be humans and not emotionless robots, but I learned a lot more while researching and writing. Name a video game you can play over and over again: Shadow of the Colossus is #1. I've beaten it at least 30 times, maybe even 40+; it's been too long since I've seen the save files. It's a relatively short game (you can beat it in less than like, four hours if you know what you're doing) and just very relaxing yet simultaneously absolutely epic to me. God, I want a PS4 to play the remaster, like beyond words. It looks incredible, and I want to try to get white Agro. Have you ever petted a cow, a sheep, or a pig? A pig, yes. I love pigs.

[lovemesomesurveys]

“I’m going to stand on the ground like a skyscraper”

Is there a necklace that you wear all the time? No. I haven’t worn a necklace in years. How often do you wear skirts? Never. Do you enjoy baking? I used to, especially during the holidays. I haven’t done any baking the past few years, though. Do you have a large kitchen? No, it’s really small. Is anything sore on your body at the moment? Of course.

Do you like 3D movies? No. Where were you 3 hours ago? Sitting right here on my bed. Have you ever heard of Hot Chelle Rae? Yeah. I liked a couple of their songs. Do you know where Poland is? I know it’s in Europe. Are you afraid of dying? Yes. Are you wearing socks right now? Always. Do you speak your mind? I keep a lot to myself. If you found a wounded bird, what would you do? I honestly don’t know. I’ve never encountered a wounded bird. Ever rode on an elephant? No. Have you ever had braces? Yes, but not for my teeth.

“Cause I finally realize that I can’t get you off my mind”

Have you ever eaten a crayon? No. Do you like strawberries? Yeah. I haven’t had any in years, though. Wrestling or boxing? Neither. When's the last time you went to the mall? Last December. Have you ever gone Christmas Caroling? I have, actually. A few of us from the psych club I was in at my community college went caroling one year to a few different nursing homes. It was nice, they seemed to enjoy it. What song do you never get tired of? There’s numerous songs that will always be a favorite of mine. Do you have a favorite chef? No. Do you know who Travis Pastrana is? Yeah. What song pumps you up and makes you feel good? Hmm. What's bothering you right now? My back and the fact that I don’t feel well.

Favorite flavor of gum? Minty flavors. Does your school have air conditioning? How many mirrors do you have in your home? 5 that I know of for sure. That doesn’t include handheld mirrors, though. What does your wrapping paper look like for presents this year? I haven’t bought any, yet. Do you like Jay-Z? I’ve only liked a couple of his songs. However, the Linkin Park and Jay-Z collab album was/is dope.

“we’re gonna party like it’s your birthday”

What time was it 14 hours ago? 5:30PM. What's the craizest thing that happens in your hometown? Uh, high crime rates. :X Have any of your friends ever stabbed you in the back? Yes. What's your favorite city? Beachy, touristy cities throughout California. Have you ever laid on a hammock? I think I have as a kid. Who's the most famous person you met? Jamie Lee Curtis. Have you ever had a boyfriend/girlfriend stolen from you? No. Where do you want to live someday? Near the beach. I’d love to have a beach home one day. Do you like your eyes? I wish I had blue or green eyes instead. Do you wear a watch? Nope. Do you like peanut butter? Yes. Do you tan easily? If I spend a day at the beach I’ll sunburn and then it turns into a tan. That’s the only time I spend a long period of time outdoors. Do you have sensitive skin? Yes. Do you care if people smoke/drink? Not in general, no. If it becomes a problem then yes. Has anyone ever gives you roses? Nope.

“every little thing that you do, I’m amazed by you”

How many hours of sleep did you get last night? Sigh. I dozed off around 5AM and slept until 7AM and here we are now at 7:53AM. I don’t understandddd. D: I’m going to definitely attempt more sleep, but I have to call my doctor soon. Do you hate it when babies cry? If it’s loud and excessive it gets overwhelming and annoying. Would you like to get snake bites? (the piercing) Not now, but I wanted them back when I was like 16.  Would you move to a new state/country to be with the one you love? That’s one of those situations I’d have to be in to know what I’d do. It’s hard for me to even imagine cause I’ve never even been close to that before. It’s also hard for me to imagine ever moving far away from my family. I think I’d try to work something else out to be honest. Like, maybe they wouldn’t mind picking up and moving here? Why would I have to move?  What is your name? Stephanie. What do you plan on buying in the future? Christmas presents for my fam soon. Who is your favorite "That '70 Show" character? I don’t have one. I actually watched that show during its original run, but I tried again years later when I was older and couldn’t get into it. There is a mummy behind you. What do you do? Uh, run? What do you think of Miley Cyrus? I like her. Do you tend to think you are always right? Absolutely not. What was your favorite toy as a child? Barbies. I was obsessed. Do you think more about your funeral or wedding? Uh, neither.  Dinosaurs or unicorns? Unicorns, I guess. You need new jeans. Where do you go? I haven’t bought a new pair of jeans in years. I’d probably look at JCP first since that’s where I used to get them. I always found the perfect fit there. What do you think about Maroon 5? I like a lot of their music.

“someone pinch me, I must be dreaming again”

Have you ever snuck into an R-rated movie when you weren't old enough? Nah. How many Emily's do you know? I don’t know any. Have you ever slept in a tent outside? No. What's your favorite kind of Girl Scout cookie? I like all of ‘em really except for the coconut ones. Their newer cookie, Lemonades, are quite delicious. What do you hear at the moment? An ASMR video. Why do you think a lot of people left Myspace for Facebook? Facebook became cooler for some reason. I remember not wanting to make the move at all, I thought Facebook was lame lol. I just did it because everyone literally left. I don’t know about everyone else, but when it happened for me it was soon after graduating high school and Facebook was for college students, so I guess we just graduated from Myspace or something. *shrug* It’s crazy how quickly it flip flopped, though. Myspace became lame and now we all kinda laugh about it. Do you watch the Olympics? Nope. Have you ever been to Minnesota? No. What's the strangest thing you've seen on TV? Hmm. What do you miss most about elementary school? I miss being elementary school ages the most, but also school was fun back then. I liked the projects and music class and this thing called field day that we did on the last day of school every year that consisted of like relay games and whatnot. It was fun. Anything funny happen to you while you were at Wendy's? Uhh, no. I very rarely even go to Wendy’s. It’s been awhile. When's the last time you picked up a stick? I have no idea.

How often do you have camp fires? Never. I’d like to do bonfires in the fall.

“honestly, I haven’t been happy for a long time”

How long has your computer been on? Hours. Do you like chips and salsa? I used to love chips and salsa. I can’t eat spicy food anymore, though. :( Do you have any pictures of the guy you like? There’s no such guy at the moment. Ever touched a fish? I don’t think so. Maybe as a kid with my pet fish. When's the last time you uploaded pictures onto Facebook or Myspace? I uploaded a new profile picture last month on Facebook. Do you have any band-aids on right now? Nope. Ever had a blister? Yes. Not fun. Do you watch the show The Hard Times or RJ Berger? No. Have you ever voted for anything? Yeah, for elections and other smaller stuff. Do you like high top shoes? I can’t wear them cause they’re hard for me to get my foot into. Do you think those nerd glasses are cool? What are nerd glasses, exactly?

Do you own any t-shirts of your favorite band/singer? Yes. Have you ever worn a tie? No. Have you ever made dinner for someone? No, cause I don’t cook. Do you only listen to your muisc loud? No. I like to listen to it at a comfortable level. It varies, but never super loud.

“my give a damn’s busted”

Have you ever taken drama class? I actually did take two drama classes in community college. :O Shocking, I know. Have you ever rode a mechanical bull? Nooo. That would be very dangerous for me to do and I’d never even attempt it. Have you ever played on a basketball team? No. Ever stayed in a motel? Yes. What number was your jersey in high school? I didn’t have a jersey, I didn’t play any sports. Have you ever choked on something? Yes. I had one really traumatic experience that changed how I take my medicine ever since. That happened almost 10 years ago now, but ever since I’ve had to crush my pills. When I tried taking pills again not long after it happened, it literally felt like my throat was closing up every time and I was terrified of it getting lodged again. That day was really scary, my dad literally almost had to put his finger down my throat. Do you wear a belt? Nope, I only ever wear leggings. I’ve actually never worn a belt before, though. Do you have a rug in your room? No. Do you go camping during the summer? Nope. I have no interest at all in doing that. Do you carry a purse everywhere you go? Not anymore, but I used to. In most recent years it was a mini backpack. Where's your favorite place to get coffee? Honestly, I’m a basic bitch and just go to Starbucks, ha. It’s nearby and convenient and yeah. Plus, people hate on it but I actually like it. *shrug* I get really into it when they come out with their winter drinks, like they have now. I wish we had a Tim Hortons so I can see what that hype is all about. What's the last time you searched on Google? When’s the last time I searched on Google? Earlier. Which of these singers have the best voice: Katy Perry or Usher? I think they both sing well. They’re very different, you can’t really compare. What food is your weakness? Boneless garlic parm and lemon pepper wings from Wingstop. How many unread emails do you have right now? I don’t feel like checking at the moment.

[artificialqueens]

You And I (Trixya) (Chapter 1/?) - Kiwific

Trixie and Katya were best friends for six long years. Growing up, summers spent at her aunt’s in Trixie’s small Tennessee hometown were the high points of Katya’s year. After her parents split and those holidays stopped, they lost touch for a while, their lives both unfolding in different ways. Now, after a messy breakup and an unexpected gift of a certain farmhouse, Katya finds herself living in the last place she would have expected. Everything is the same, yet so, so different. Not only because of her sudden crush on a certain blonde musician…but that definitely doesn’t help.

Notes:

Hi, it’s your local delusional flightless bird/piece of fuzzy fruit here. I can’t believe I’m finally getting around to uploading some of this. It’s been an absolute mess of words and ideas on my computer for months now. The idea from this came from a mixture of listening to ‘Little Sister" off Trixie’s album far too many times, mixed with my own feelings of living in a small rural town. I’m pretty sure at least part of it came to me in a dream. Any-who, this is still a WIP. I have a few chapters edited into a semblance of a story and the rest just kind of lives in my head until I find the motivation to actually write it down. Cool? Cool. Enjoy, comment, like, abuse me, whatever floats your boat.

Notes: Katya is 26, Trixie is 25.

Bronte (Trixie’s town) is named after Charlotte Bronte. Because I’m a literary nerd. Bronte is in no way a real place, I’m not even American so feel free to point out any glaring errors in that respect.

Also on AO3 under Kiwific <3 Come share the love.

It’s been a long time since you came around,

Been a long time but I’m back in town

And this time I’m not leaving without you…

Dear Trixie

I hope it isn’t too weird that I’m writing to you like this after all this time. I know - Facebook is a thing that exists, and a much faster way of communicating, right? I unashamedly stalked your page and it looks to me like your parents still live in the same house you grew up in, so I’m assuming this will get to you somehow. Hell, you live in Bronte - the postman has probably known you since you were two, has kids that went to middle school with you, and knows exactly where you are at any given time.

Anywho, the reason I’m writing is that, well, I found our old letters when I was packing up my apartment and wanted to tell you this the old-fashioned way. I know it’s been a while since we talked, but you’re going to want to hear this…

I’m moving to Bronte!

I can hear your disbelief from here, and seriously, I know. What the actual fuck, Katya, right? Believe me, I’ve been asking myself that question enough when it comes to understanding the decision on a philosophical level, so let me just give you the facts:

When Aunt Stevie died, she left her house to me and Anya. Annie moved to Russia last year and couldn’t give a flying fuck what happens to the place, so I guess it’s mostly mine.

I’m a college graduate and a free house is definitely something that makes my future look much less ugly (loans are painful and I want to eat something other than ramen before I’m thirty).

Recent developments in my life have made me want to get far, far away from New York, and what could be further than Bronte?

Anyway, I’ll be there mid June! I’d love to catch up if you’re around and reminisce on old times… like the time we made toffee “apples” for the town fair, except they were really onions. And the time I made your friend cry when she wanted to be Baby Spice for that concert we put on fat your church (you were the best Baby Spice ever, by the way). I can already smell that sweet nineties nostalgia.

Please message me when you get this, I don’t expect you to write back, plus I might be out of this apartment by then. The sooner the better, in my honest opinion.

See you soon!

Katya

P.S. Fact number 5 - I miss you.

June

Katya could feel the dust in the air before she even stepped out of the car. She stretched her jean-clad legs out in front of her, feeling the heat heavy in the air as she stood up. Placing her hands at the small of her back, she groaned, feeling the effects of her two-day drive seep into her bones. Looking around, Katya (not for the first time ) questioned the wisdom of her decision to relocate to a southern state in the middle of a scorching summer. The whole plan was absolute insanity - who would have ever thought in a hundred years that she would move to Tennessee. This wasn’t the first time she’d had second, third, or even fourth thoughts about the move, and looking around at the picturesque town around her did very little to ease her nerves.

How the fuck did she end up back here?

Logically, the plan made sense. She had free accommodation here - a house that, beyond all belief, was hers alone. She would have time to write, time to sort her shit out. Time to stop moping over Rachel and get her head back in a healthy space. That, or she would slowly go insane with boredom. Or forced out of town by dyke-hating, pitchfork-wielding townsfolk. Too far?

Above her, the gas station sign leered down.

Bronte, Tennessee. Last gas stop for 20 miles!

Katya snorted to herself. Last anything for thirty miles, more like.

Filling up her ancient, cherry-red BMW, Katya peered down the main street. It had been approximately eleven years since she’d last been here.  Growing up, her aunt Stevie had an old farmhouse just out of town. They would fly (sometimes drive, to Katya and Anya’s mutual horror) and stay for weeks in the summer, Katya and her sister spending the long, hot days playing in the fields, climbing trees and swimming in the river.

Katya barely remembered the town itself, but a few things stood out: the general store with its array of mismatched soda signs, the diner with the hideous pale pink facade (still faded and chipped after all this time), and the water tower looming over the long line of shops. It had been years, but to Katya it looked like nothing had changed. She felt her cynicism draining away as she looked around, fond memories of her childhood drowning out the panicked voice in her head telling her this move was a mistake.

They had stopped coming here when Katya’s dad walked out - a disappearing act to rival any world-famous magician- and while Stevie tried to keep in touch, it got too hard for Katya’s mom to stay close to her ex-husband’s family. Stevie had always sent birthday cards, though. Right up until the year she got sick. Katya’s mom didn’t know what killed her, but no one was more surprised than Katya herself when a lawyer showed up at her apartment in New York with the news that Stevie’s three-bedroom farmhouse in hicksville had been left to Katya and Anya. Anya wasn’t extremely interested in the news, she was enjoying her new life in Russia with mom’s family. Katya didn’t think she cared either, maybe one day they could sell the house and use the money for their own city apartments…

Until the shitstorm happened with Rachel.

She had been utterly blindsided when Rachel walked out, she had to admit that. One minute, Rachel was moving in with her and Katya was thinking about their happy future together. The next, Rachel was packing, leaving a broken Katya alone on their bedroom floor as she walked out. Katya should have seen it coming, and the fact that she didn’t was one of the things that had hurt so much.

The petrol pump stopped and Katya shook her head, trying to clear her suddenly foggy thoughts. Enough of that. She was away from Rachel and from New York. As far away as she felt she could possibly get. This wasn’t some bullshit heartbroken woman moves to the country to find herself after a breakup saga, this was just her… getting away from everything in the city that would sabotage her. Getting away from the version of herself that she was spiraling back into before making the decision to move here. Saving some cash in the process too, because hey - free accommodation would do a wonder on her savings.

Moving her car to one of the parks at the front of the station, Katya decided to take a walk and visit some old haunts. She had planned to head to the house first and come back into town when she’d settled in a little, but something was gnawing at the back of her mind. Someone, rather.

Trixie.

When Katya had written to her friend, she’d been a little overwhelmed at the excited reply. Trixie had messaged her the minute she received the letter announcing her move, and for a while there her excitement was contagious. Katya couldn’t help but feel a knot of anxiety when it came to seeing Trixie in the flesh again, though. What if it was awkward? What if they didn’t know how to talk to each other anymore? What if they had both changed too much?

Trixie had been Katya’s best friend for the better part of six years, despite the fact that they only ever saw each other in the summer. They had met one scalding hot day down by the river at the back of Stevie’s property - Katya and Annie went there everyday to cool down, and Trixie and her brother were swimming with their dad. A precocious eight year old Katya had snobbishly told seven year old Trixie that it was her auntie’s river and that her Barbie swimsuit was gross and too pink. Trixie had pushed her in the river.

They were best friends from that day on. Every summer, Katya counted down the days to their trip to Bronte, marking the days off in her diary (black, with a wolf howling at the moon on it. She had been a weird kid). They swam, played in the fields, terrorized the locals of Bronte year after year. They told each other everything, sharing their deepest secrets, navigating the joys and disappointments of growing up. When they weren’t together, they wrote to each other. Almost every week, Katya would get a letter on brightly colored Lisa Frank stationary, Trixie’s neat handwriting filling the pages. Her own letters were scrawled back as fast as she could write them, words falling from her as she tried to fit her thoughts onto the small pages. When Katya’s parents started fighting, Trixie was the first person to know. When Trixie got her first period, Katya had been the person she had written to.

When Katya’s dad left, she’d written a letter to Trixie that had to be at least seven pages long. She had been so angry, so scared, so worried about what to to when her mom barely came out of her room. Trixie told her everything would be okay, and it was. Eventually, it was. The next summer, however, had confirmed Katya’s growing suspicions. They didn’t go back to Bronte.

She and Trixie had kept up their friendship through letters and occasional phone calls, but these tapered off over time. New friendships came along, more for Trixie than for Katya, but eventually the letters stopped all together. Katya thought of her sometimes when looking at the photos in her mom’s old albums - her favourite was one of the two of them passed out on a mattress in the back of a pickup truck after a party at Stevie’s place, straw in Trixie’s thick hair and a blanket covering the two of them.

A few years ago, Trixie had sought her out on Facebook and they had talked occasionally, reminiscing about old times. Katya didn’t realize until she shamelessly stalked Trixie’s profile how much she had genuinely missed the other girl, and she’d been startled to realize she was crying after finding the same picture of them in the truck in an album Trixie had labelled ‘Old times’.

Katya couldn’t help but steel herself for disappointment as she prepared for the move to Bronte. She logically knew that things couldn’t be like they used to be - there was no way they could just pick up where they left off and be as close as they had been, and that was fine. They had been kids. Trixie had her life her, her friends, she probably didn’t need Katya hanging around all the time. Katya wanted to try, though, she wanted to give their friendship a second shot.

In truth, a friend was what she desperately needed right now.

[printedpeterparker]

Intro

MASTERLIST

Pairing: Peter Parker x Reader

Type: 5 Seconds of Summer Series HERE 

Word Count: 1.9k

Warnings: None

Summary: The one where being the new kid is kinda hard.

Note: I am very excited to do this series based off of 5 Seconds of Summer’s debut album! This is only an intro before I begin the album! Please add yourself to be tagged here!

November 2

“Honey, are you sure wanna wear that?” your grandma questioned, tugging on the sleeves of your olive hoodie. “It’s your first day at this school; you can make a better--”

You rolled your eyes and shook your head, “Grandma, it 45 degrees and I’m going to school. I think this is fine,” you huffed, grabbing your backpack. “I just have to finish up this semester and next semester and then we’re done. I don’t need to have a fashion show every day to do that.”

“Okay, okay, good luck, Y/N. I love you,” she smiled before kissing your cheek.

You said your goodbyes before heading out to your grandma’s black minivan. It was a little beaten up, it reminded you of when you came to invite in the summers. You went on fishing trips and hikes with your family, and this black minivan was always there, giving you a lift, but now being in the car worried you.

You weren’t used to the street of New York or at least the traffic. You weren’t sure if it was you or the other drivers that were doing a terrible job. Your music was soothing you through the traffic but not everyone was doing the same as you.

Your nerves and jitteriness continued to grow as your approached your new school. It was your Senior year. You remember how hard it was to make friends when you moved from Wisconsin to France in the sixth grade. But then again, you were 11. But now you were 18, moving from France to New York. You were petrified.

After you parked, you made your way inside through the courtyard. You felt some people look your way. The school didn’t seem that large; you might as well have been seven feet tall. You quickly made your way into the building searching for the office.

Before you could find it, you were startled by another girl, “Y/N!” she cheered almost too excited. Her blonde hair barely touched her shoulders that were over by her Oxford shirt and black skirt. She almost made you believe that you needed to have a uniform. “Welcome to Midtown School of Science and Technology or MSST. I will be your ambassador for the day. My name is Chelsea Larson!”

“Oh uh hi, I’m Y/N Y/L/N” you smiled, readjusting your bag over your shoulder. You swore you could see all 32 of her teeth with that smile.

“Great, I already have your schedule, locker number, locker combo, lunch pass, seating assignments, and ID for you here in this packet,” she explained, handing you a binder from her purse. “Your first class, AP, that’s advanced placement, Statistics, is with Mr. Hind.” Chelsea walked and talked fast. You couldn’t keep up with what she was saying.

She took you to your locker and quickly explained your combo and promptly scolded you when you got it wrong. Her intensity was like a raging fire. She quickly showed you to your first hour and prepared you as if she was your mom dropping you off at kindergarten.

“...Now don’t worry, I will on my way when that bell rings to escort you to your next class, Y/N. I so much fun!” she smiled, waving you off. You slowly walked into the room with it basically full of students already. You scanned the room for a seat; there were two front seats open. You quickly sat down before the bell rung and continued to look down.

Everyone in the room was still talking so as Mr. Hind tried to calm them down, you were able to get your stuff together in the front.

“Okay, okay, students,” Mr. Hind pronounced, finally settling the talking, “It appears we have a new student today. Would you like to introduce yourself, miss?”

“Uh sure,” you smiled before standing up to face the class. Every eye was literally trained on you. Some appeared to look judgey. Some appeared to be dull. Some appeared to be interested. “My name is Y/N. I came here from Nice, France, but I’m originally from Wisconsin, and I...uh...yeah. Thank you.” You muttered your thanks before sitting down.

“Wow, very impressive Ms. Y/N,” Mr. Hind smiled. “We’re very glad you’re here.”

The day continued like that.

Chelsea would take you to a class, the teacher would ask you to introduce yourself to the class, and occasionally, they would have you elaborate.

By lunch, you were tired. You did talk much to anyone; not because you didn’t want to but it was November. Everyone had time to do their meet and greet with the new kids and their friends in August. They were focused on colleges and final semester project approaching. And you had lost Chelsea before lunch.

When you finally made it to lunch after waiting for her, a lot of the food was gone, making your lunch pass useless. A deep sigh erupted from you as you turned around to find somewhere to sit. You weren’t shocked to see cliches; it was a teen phenomenon, even in France. You didn’t even Chelsea. Some girls gave you a look when walked by their table. Some would even minimize the space between themselves and friends.

You observed a fairly empty table and slowly made your way over. There were only two boys and a girl there. “Come on, Y/N,” you whispered to yourself. “It’s not that hard to make friends.” You walked over, trying to look friendly but not as terrifying as Chelsea. “Hey,” you said, interrupting their conversation. “Do you guys mind if I sit?” you asked.

“Mmm, not sure,” the girl said, completely deadpan.

“She’s totally kidding,” the boy with dark hair apologized. “Have a seat.” You smiled and sat across from the girl adorned with curly hair and sat next to the boy with brown hair in a sweater. “First of all, I’m Ned. That’s MJ--”

“She can call me Michelle,” she quietly muttered, opening a book on the table.

“Duly noted,” you nodded.

“And I’m Peter,” he smiled. He had books and work scattered in front of him. You recognized You recognized it as your the stats project Mr. Hind had even out today. You thought you recognized him “So, you’re from France?”

“Yeah, my dad is all about the work,” you half chuckled, “but now I live with my grandma and my parents are still in France.”

“I bet you don’t even speak French,” Michelle huffed, still looking down into her book.

You smirked before sitting up, “Si je ne pouvais pas parler français, pouvais-je dire ça? If I couldn’t speak French, could I say that?” you said before translating. Ned let out a forceful laugh before Michelle hit him with her book. They began a smaller argument on their side of the table.

“That was pretty impressive,” Peter nodded. “And don’t worry about them either.”

“Okay and thanks. I only lived there for six years so...” you said before it became silent again except Ned and Michelle were still arguing.

Your head tilted in confusion when you looked at Peter’s work on the table. It seemed off to you. You didn’t want to be nosy or intrude; you had only met Peter a couple minutes ago. It was your place, but still…

“I think you’re wrong, Peter,” you told him but only loud enough for him to hear.

He gave you a sour face before shaking his head, “No, I’m pretty sure this is right. Ned and I tested it and the data was linear with strong correlation; with our equation, we can assume tha-”

“Extrapolation,” you stated. He gave you the same face. You sighed before turning the paper around so it was facing you properly, “When I was in France, we learned about extrapolation. Your x values included 1 through 15 rubber bands while your y values were the distance barbie bungeed. Mr. Hind said your project depended on your work and hitting the right distance where barbie didn’t hit the floor or was too far from the ground. And he said the distance was 32 meters and you never got 32 meters as a y value. Therefore, you are guessing beyond your observation range which could lead to meaningless results or extrapolation. And I know we haven’t talked about in class or at least that’s what your face is telling me, but I would reconfigure your number and experiments.”

Peter looked at you and at his work again. There was a bit of silence before the bell rang, dismissing you from lunch.

“Yeah, I’m just gonna go. Sorry…” you professed before quickly getting up and hurrying out of the cafeteria.

You knew it wasn’t your place. You should have trusted your gut and said nothing. Maybe this friend thing was going to be harder to do than you thought.

The end of the day came as fast as you wanted it to do. You had seen Peter in other classes but steered clear of him. You knew you were right, but you didn’t mean to out him in front of his friends. You took it too far.

You also never saw Chelsea after lunch.

You made your way to the library to get some homework done. It was always easier for you to not work at home even in France. The library gave you the silence you needed without interruption. You opened up your English reading packet to begin your homework. You skimmed the reading, highlighting and annotating the reading. You glared up and back down before you realized what you saw.

You looked up again and saw Peter making his way over to your desk. You felt your breath become shallow and your throat became dry as he made his way over to your desk. You didn’t even realize that you were staring at him for so long.

“Hi, Y/N, can we talk?” Peter asked, distributing your homework. You regretfully nodded before moving your stuff off the chair next to you. “Listen, you were right. I went and experimented during my study hall until I received over 32 meters as a y value and you were right; I got a whole different equation and x value.”

You felt your heart flutter a little bit at his comment. You liked being right.

“Oh, thanks, Peter.”

“But I also have some other questions if you don’t mind about the homework,” he explained as he pulled it out of his bag. “The way Mr. Hind explained number 8 on the homework hardly makes sense. I was wondering if you could help possibly.”

You looked at your work and placed it on the other side of the table and pulled out your stats as well, “Uh yeah, if I didn’t know better, I would be a little confused as well.”

For the next 30 minutes, you helped Peter with his statistics homework. You quickly learned the confusion wasn’t because of his own learning. It was the teaching which saddened you. It came to a point where you and Peter worked in silence with words and jokes shared here and there. He did have a way of making you laugh. Even though your focus was a bit off you didn’t mind being off task at sometimes.

“With all this graphing, you’d think Mr. Hind was plotting against us,” Peter joked. A nasally laugh came out of nowhere from you. The librarian was quick to silence you and Peter before returning back into the shelves to return books back to their spots. “Yikes, sorry,” he whispered to you.

“She’s more of English person I guess,” you breathed, trying to stifle your remaining chuckles.

“Maybe but I gotta go actually,” Peter mentioned before packing up his things and stuffing them in his bag. “But if I came here tomorrow, will you be here?” he inquired.

“You can bet on it.”

NEXT: MRS. ALL AMERICAN

Please send requests for blurbs and one-shots here xx

[sailor-freak]

Music Stories #1

So I wanna start a thing on here where I tell stories of my experiences and memories of musical things I like, such as getting into bands, seeing shows, any sort of experiences like that. This blog’s kind of random some posts are silly and some are stuff like that so I will put the main story under keep reading so as not to annoy you scrolling if I go on too long 😂. Anyway I want to start with my first band I ever got into, which was Black Veil Brides. Specifically the album Wretched and Divine: The Story of the Wild Ones, which is one of my favourite albums ever. I have good memories of it okay 😂.

So this is about... 2013. I’m about 12 years old. At this point I’ve become a fan of Black Veil Brides, it’s not a long story, I heard about them on a show and decided to listen to them and basically became obsessed with them. At this point I was mainly listening to singles on YouTube, like Fallen Angels and The Legacy. Now, I have NO IDEA how this happened, but my dad found out I liked them. Didn’t tell me, he just found out somehow and stayed quiet about it. I’ve mentioned my dad’s music taste before, he is very classic metal, hates anything pop sounding, so I’m sure hearing that his daughter has become a fan of a band, any band at all, he’s buzzing 😂. Anyway one day, probably around winter cos it was dark, I’ve come home from school and my dad gets in from work. He asks me to come downstairs cos he’s got something for me, so, naturally being highly confused cos usually all he has for me is an insult, I proceed with caution 😂. He gives me this Amazon package and tells me to open it, so I do as the naive 12 year old. I open it and see the CD for Wretched and Divine: The Story of the Wild Ones by BVB, which was obviously their latest album at the time. Shook was NOT the word for how shocked I was 😂. Mainly cos I had no idea he knew I liked them 😂. But I was pretty much hyper that I’d gotten this from my dad, again he’s a classic metal fan so his child becoming a fan of a band he must have been giddy as well 😂. Trust me, he loves it, he emails me live videos of Lzzy Hale with classic acts like Lita Ford just because I love Halestorm and he likes the classics 😂. So like after being polite and thankful obviously I IMMEDIATELY go upstairs and listen to it.

The listening was a whole experience 😂. When I get a CD now, I pop it into my laptop, copy the songs on to my desktop and make them all nice and neat so I can use them for whatever or listen to them if I have no internet 😂. I RARELY listen off the CD anymore 😭. But at this time I had a pink radio I’d gotten for a birthday years ago that I used to play pop CDs like Selena Gomez Kiss & Tell or Miley Cyrus Breakout on 😂. So I go upstairs, pop the CD in, get out the booklet, sit on the corner of my bed and LISTEN 😂. I tell you it’s been a while since I just listened to an album I tell you that 😂. This was one of my first times properly listening to an album, I mean ofc there was the pop CDs I had but I just had them on as I played with my Barbies I was a COOL kid 😂. This was the first time I was experiencing something like a band CD, even more intense since it was a concept album 😂. I’d heard none of the songs off it before so I was going in completely unaware 😂. But oh MAN was I impressed 😂. Even my dad was, during I Am Bulletproof I heard him go “actually they’re not that bad” 😂. Oh and that I Am Bulletproof to New Years Day transition, slayed my 12 year old ass 😂. Album transitions still get me it’s odd when you listen to the tracks individually but when you hear them in the album oh FUCK is it good 😂. But that’s pretty much it, I sat there just listening to every song, seeing what the title was, reading the lyrics, deciding which ones I liked 😂. Which was most of them 😂. That album just stuck with me during early high school though, it was one of those life changing albums 😂.

I was so obsessed with this album that I annoyed my friends with it 😂. See, when I was in year 8 and year 9, my friends and I fancied ourselves as a bit of a girl group and we all sang all the time 😂. We spent break and lunch in the recording studio, then after school we’d for some reason just stay in the dining room and sing whatever 😂. Well after hearing this album, these songs were all I sang 😂. I took the lyric booklet to school with me and when it came to this time I’d be there busting out Resurrect The Sun 😂. I nearly sang that for my music performance test actually, we had to either sing or play something on an instrument and me being incapable of learning to do something decided singing was the best option 😂. But yeah that booklet was in my school bag for months 😂. I actually once used it in an English cover lesson, we had to draw a book cover for the book we were reading at the time, and cos it was fitting I drew the sort of demon face with the US flag near the back of the booklet 😂. The sub teacher thought it was very good 😂. I’ll see if I still have it somewhere 😂.

It was also during this time that the... incident... happened 😂. IT’S NOT REALLY BAD it just really pissed me off 😂. So... BVB were very looked down on among the metal community, mainly people who preferred classic metal and not “emo sissy stuff” 😂. My dad was lenient but his friends were not 😂. So, at one of his friend’s parties he’s playing music on YouTube on his laptop into the speakers, and someone had the bright idea of letting me play a song 😂. So, naturally I went for BVB and decided to play Nobody’s Hero. Oh FUCK did my dad’s friend judge the shit out of me. I get if it’s his party and he wants music he likes but he legit gave me permission 😂. I DON’T GO INSULTING WHAT HE PLAYS 😂. But yeah after that I was super miffed the whole night, so much that the bloke actually apologised 😂. I was a kid at the time so of course he would, but it REALLY put me down and I felt SO shit. It didn’t really stop me liking them, the next year my dad bought me BVB IV for Christmas and my obsession stayed strong for a couple of years but that whole experience REALLY dragged me down. And the guy’s lovely, but that situation was super shit 😂. That did kind of lead into why I didn’t listen to BVB for my last years of high school into early college, as I got into “proper” bands like Nightwish I felt like liking BVB was sort of a shit thing so I stopped 😂.

It wasn’t until pretty much late last year or early this year that I properly got into them again, cos FUCK IT YOU LIKE WHOEVER YOU LIKE 😂. That album was life changing for me, it led me into a whole genre of music I listen to pretty much daily now. And it slaps 😂. I’ve had a lot of interesting experiences regarding BVB because of that album, some of which I’ve told on here before 😂. But that’s the story in Balamory so sorry if I went on a lot it took me like half an hour to type oops 😂.

[kuixotic]

if possible,all the music asks?

1:A song you like with a color in the title

Yellow-ColdplayI’ve loved this song for a long time and it’s just been a staple of my life,given Coldplay could be considered my top band as well :D

2:A song you like with a number in the title

1985-Bowling For SoupYOU CAN’T TELL ME THIS ISN’T A BANGER 

3:A song that reminds you of summertime

Young Volcanoes-Fall Out BoySee this is actually a direct memory to summer because the summer before junior year I actually went to see Fall Out Boy and Paramore.Young Volcanoes was on the setlist and that was an experience I would love to not forget!

4:A song that reminds you of someone you would rather forget about

La La La-Naughty Boy ft.Sam SmithIt’s not like this song brings up bad memories which would make me dislike the song,but the message/attitude reflects the situation I was in with an old friend.You could say the whole situation was (and still is) pretty childish and it kinda goes with the whole ‘covering my ears’ thing that La La La has.

5:A song that needs to be played LOUD

LA Devotee-Panic!At The DiscoIt was a heavy tie between this,Planetary GO from MCR,and Death Valley from F.O.B because they are all ‘speeding down the highway on adrenaline and bass boost power at 1AM’ songs.LA Devotee is my headphone testing song lmao

6:A song that makes you want to dance

Dancing Just Like This(mashup between I Don’t Feel Like Dancing and Something Just Like This)-oneboredjeuAt first I never really liked the mashup but then I started listening to it more and it’s just so..happy??You can’t be upset listening to it and you definitely can’t keep yourself from moving.

7:A song to drive to

Death Valley-Fall Out BoyTO VALHALLAAAAAAAAAAAAA 

8:A song about drugs or alcohol

Nicotine- Panic!At The DiscoThat guitar motif coupled with that drum beat is so kickass,and then that bass guitar before the chorus GOD YES

9:A song that makes you happy

Les Miserables(medley)- Santa Clara Vanguard 2013 CorpsI’m a DCI nut,so when I saw this on Semi-Finals night in theaters you could only imagine my reaction to the big hit.Goosebumps and the euphoria that followed after is definitely a reason as to why I’m going to keep up with playing music as much as I can.

10:A song that makes you sad

Shenandoah-Frank TicheliOh god.My senior year of band was this song.I don’t cry much from this song but in the times I played during rehearsal and ultimately my last performance assessment,I would be bawling my eyes out in the back of the percussion section.We had a guest clinician come in one day and they told us to play with a lot of emotion for this piece,the last few notes (the open fifths) to consider it almost as if two people were saying ‘goodbye’ to each other.When I was getting ready for graduation processions the band was playing to fill in the time,and they played this song.I was so close to losing it at graduation man.I guess it doesn’t really make me super sad,but it definitely makes me emotional and very sentimental.

11:A song that you never get tired of

Viva La Vida-ColdplayYou can pry this song from my cold dead hands.It’s such a classic,it’s so good.Everything about it is just so GOOD.

12:A song from your preteen years

Dynamite-Taio CruzI think this is right around I got to middle school/end of elementary?This was such a GREAT song growing up.To be quite honest I don’t know why people trash on pop music,it has the capability of just being really fun and feel good music?And it’s not like it’ll take a lot of effort to listen to the song unlike say a classical piece.You just listen and enjoy yourself.

13:One of your favorite 80’s songs

Take One Me-AhaIs it because I played this my sophomore year in band?NAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAlthough for real this is such a great pop piece,I get happy when it comes on at work and you can definitely catch me trying to hit those high notes and failing.

14:A song that you would love played at your wedding

I Know That You Know-Leslie Odom JrAssuming I were to get married,I’d love to dance to this song.Leslie’s voice is just so smooth and gentle and I feel that would be perfect for an intimate moment.Maybe not ‘first dance’ material,but for sure a couple’s dance.It was a bit of a difficult choice between this and Halo by Beyonce but I feel Queen B would be a bit expected.

15:A song that is a cover by another artist

Hey Soul Sister-Lucky ChopsPOSSIBLY ONE OF MY FAVORITE COVERS BY THEM.It’s so fun and energetic!!!Gives me the illusion of walking along the French Quarter of New Orleans following one of those amazing jazz bands.It’s such a pure cover.

16:One of your favorite classical songs

Jupiter,Bringer of Jollity,Gustav HolstJUPITER MY FAVORITE PLANET.For a year or so we would play the chorale section for the homecoming court during a chosen football game every season.I decided to look up the piece one day out of curiosity because hey it’s called The Planets Suite of course I’m gonna go listen.I loooooove Jupiter,while I do love Mars just as much,Jupiter is just perfect and lives up to the name of being jolly.

17:A song that would sing a duet with on karaoke

Take Me or Leave Me-RENT soundtrackI can’t sing for the life of me,but this is such a fun song to belt out at 3 AM with a bunch of friends.(at least I’d think so,I haven’t done that c’: )

18:A song from the year that you were born

Barbie Girl-AquaYeah,I WENT THERE.Unironically I would probably jam to this because the beat will get me going lmaoo

19:A song that makes you think about life

Wait For It-Hamilton soundtrackFor as long as I knew of Hamilton(basically end of 2015) this song has been such a motto to me.My senior year was a bit rough in the sense I was growing distant from everyone I knew,as well as finally feeling the weight of my losses the year before as well as pain from that school year.Not to mention I got rejected from my first choice university and had to change plans a lot.The song really changed my outlook on things,and even to this day I heed the advice of waiting for certain things to fall into place.To this day I have an index card right by compute with the words ‘Wait For It’.

20:A song that has many meanings to you

How Far I’ll Go-Moana soundtrack(I’ll be linking the Voctave cover given it’s been what I listen to the most)I mean how can you not decipher a meaning with a song about a young girl trying to follow her desires while living up to the roles and expectations of those around her?Everyone can relate to it.It could be about physical things we want,metaphysical,anything.It could be a song purely about adventure or looking for what you want in life despite not knowing what you’re looking for.

21:A favorite song with a person’s name in the title

Jolene-Dolly Parton(and Pentatonix)I’m no country person but Jolene is a pretty good song.And then a while ago it seems there was an increase of popularity for the song with Miley Cyrus covering the song as well as Pentatonix.

22:A song that moves you forward

Defying Gravity-Wicked soundtrackThis song is so iconic.The first song I heard from this musical and it has SUCH A GREAT MESSAGE.My personal favorite line is “And if I’m flying solo,at least I’m flying free” because as stated earlier,senior year was a little rough (I went through my first breakup after having such a shaky beginning to get it)and so this song is like a positive ‘fuck everything’ view which I was in need of during those times.It’s such a freeing and empowering song especially with Elphaba’s parts.

23:A song that you think everybody should listen to

You Will Be Found-Dear Evan Hansen soundtrackI had gone through a rough patch a few weeks ago just feeling really depressed and overall helpless,not wanting to reach out because I didn’t want to drag anyone with me.I felt VERY alone.This song kept popping up in my recommended videos and I gave it a try.Not even through the first stanza and I was in tears.I’ve always turned to music for my issues and rough patches,and this song has been the most effective ‘get-up’ song.When I first heard it I felt extreme comfort and felt things would be alright.It’s my turn-to song,and I really want everyone to hear the song and take the message to heart because it’s such a relatable subject matter and it’s true.We really aren’t alone.Even if you don’t feel you have someone to talk to,you can always turn to something.

24:A song by a band you wish were still together

SING-My Chemical RomanceTo be really honest I knew about the group all through middle school but didn’t listen to them as they weren’t my genre.I had a friend send me this song as one of those ‘comment and I’ll send a song the reminds me of you and why’ things and(as I was a wee freshman just now popping up in orchestra rehearsals bc I was reliable)she told me this song should serve as a confidence boost.Of course,I heard this song after the group broke up but it’d be very nice to have them get together and right up some other things like this song.Not that I have anything against the emo label they have,but this style also suits them pretty well.

25:A song by an artist no longer living

Remember the Time-Michael JacksonI was a good fan of MJ at the rip age of about 8,my sister being the absolute MJ nut of the house and knowing all his songs.We had a Michael Jackson game for the wii similar to Just Dance,all the albums on the house computer,all the movies he was in,we had a friggin database of his discography lmaoI remember hearing about his death,I remember just sitting in the living room while my dad played Man in the Mirror on the computer speakers.His songs were such jams and say what you will but his tunes are legendary.

26:A song that makes you want to fall in love

Tus Besos-Juan Luis GuerraMY GOD WHAT A SONG.I remember hearing this once on the radio and enjoying the 50′s/60′s doo-wop feel it had.I found it again after scrolling through youtube and it’s just such a pure song.I feel it really captures the whole notion of “I’m just really in love with you and call me annoying for fawning over you so badly but you’re amazing”.It makes my little heart dance with happiness.(here’s a link to side-by-side lyrics so you can see the original and the english translation :D )

27:A song that breaks your heart

I’ll Cover You(Reprise)-RENT soundtrackIf not for the events preceding this song,the emotion behind it is just so heartwrenching.

28:A song by an artist with a voice that you love

Niagara en Bicicleta-Juan Luis GuerraBACK AT IT AGAIN WITH JUAN LUISI’m Dominican,this man is purely Dominican,everything he sings about is from the Dominican perspective.Don’t get me wrong I love my Puerto Rican salsa but Juan Luis,what a VOICE.It may not be substantial but his voice just has this earthly quality,just like any folk artist out there.I love him so much.(lyrics again because I’m gonna make you all bilingual lmao)

29:A song that you remember from your childhood

Who Let The Dogs Out-Baha MenGiven I first heard this song in a Rugrats movie you already KNOW this was going to be a major part of my childhood!I had a cassette of these guys and this just brings back fond memories of living in Pennsylvania sharing a two story house with my cousin,my other cousins coming over all the time and all of us getting into messes.Good times.

30:A song that reminds you of yourself

Bright-EchosmithIt’s space related.How could I not.The laid back(ness?) of the acoustics is really what I strive to be.This song is laid back,gentle,it kinda has a sense of wonder for space and is a very dreamy song in general.It’s my ideal self I guess I could say,just really laid back,life and wonder back in my eyes,and just a wholehearted love for space.

Wooowee thanks anon!I’ve also created a playlist for this rather than linking every song,as this post would get long very fast.Consider it a personal mixtape of sorts?

[ladydlite]

Recording Love, A BTS Fanfic

When my agent told me he'd gotten me a chance to record with Agust D aka Suga from BTS I wasn't exactly thrilled. I haven't been in this business very long, and I didn't want to meet my bias feeling like a wannabe. I wanted to meet him, I have even before I got a record deal, but I wanted to meet him as his equal, not some no-hoper who's music would only get noticed because of him. I guess I should explain. I'm a hip hop/r&b singer/rapper/songwriter. My debut album came out last summer and it was the hardest work of my entire life. I have toured tiny gigs, hauled my CD's from my agents car trunk into clubs, done more paperwork and sat in more meetings than I ever did as a secretary, an assistants assistant. If you're imagining some glamorous lifestyle you'd be wry wrong. I've been told I'm too fat to be a star, too ugly and that I should have a host of plastic surgery procedures if I want to make it as an idol. Okay, I might not be Barbie but I'm not ugly or fat! I refused to be turned into one of those "aegyo" Kpop girls who don't seem to stand for anything other than sickly sweet lyrics and cutesy dance moves. My music is about real issues, not whether or not my boyfriend is hot, or if the cute high schooler has a crush on me. Sorry, this is my personal pet hate! As soon as I released the debut album I had to get started writing for the next one. There's no let up in this game, and if I want to stay true to my ethos I'm not going to sing something written by someone else that's just going to sell. When my agent heard my first new song for the next album it was his big idea to call up BigHit and arrange a deal. I have no idea how he swung it, maybe he had an in or is blackmailing someone, anyway, he did it all behind my back and then dropped the news on me like a ton of bricks. At first I was angry, my agent could tell I wasn't happy. "Look, this newest song is perfect for a duet with Min Yoongi! You told me he was a big inspiration for you when we first met, so of course I pounced on the song to get you a chance to record with him. I thought you'd be pleased, isn't he the reason you started writing songs in the first place?" He said, as he leaned on his desk heavily, "I've stuck my neck out for you, I called in a very big favor to get you this opportunity. Be a good girl and do what your told!" I hate it when he does the "I-know-better-than-you" schtick, and worst of it, he does! So I sighed but on a fake smile and crossed my arms so he'd know I was faking it. "This is going to be a big break for you!" He said. "So is Min Yoongi being told to suck it up too?" I grumbled. "He's been given your debut album, and asked if he'd like to record with you," he said, he was talking to me as if I were his bratty teenage daughter at this point. God, I hate that, it did nothing to lighten my mood, but I reminded myself that I was basically a bottom feeder at this point and if I didn't take this chance I might never get to record with Yoongi again. "Sorry," I said, trying to lighten up, "I just wanted to be a super cool idol when I met my idol and not just a pathetic little wannabe who's riding his coat tails!" "Hey, you mightn't be an idol yet, but you are not a wannabe. You've got talent! You are going places, do you think I'd be representing you if you weren't?" He said encouragingly. "Thanks!" I said smiling bravely. So that's how I ended up sitting in my tiny flat having fan girl nerves at 4 in the morning. Apparently Yoongi had liked my album and thought I was talented, he'd been given the lyrics and he'd liked those too. He'd agreed to record with me. The second I heard that I felt my heart beat so hard I thought I might be having a heart attack. My knees nearly dropped out from underneath me, and I'm just grateful I was home and no one was there to see me change to the color of oatmeal. Then after I put the phone down and my legs had decided to support me again, I ran around my apartment screaming like the true fan girl I am! I didn't sleep the night before I was due to go to the recording studio. I didn't know what I should wear, I spent the night picking out clothes and outfits and then throwing them on the floor and starting again. By the time my agent rang my doorbell I was crumpled in a heap, asleep on the clothes I'd rejected as trying to hard. I opened the door with bleary eyes and he marched in, saw me, smiled knowingly went straight into my bedroom picked up a white t shirt and some black skinny jeans and packed me off to the bathroom to shower while he made me coffee and breakfast, which he basically forced me to eat and then drove me to the studio. I was so nervous I don't know how I didn't throw up in the car, I kept looking at my agent like a scared rabbit. Maybe I could back out? Maybe I could do it another day? Maybe I would have a heart attack in the car and I'd die before I had to make a complete and total fool of myself in front of the one person I so desperately wanted to impress? But then we pulled up in front of the recording studio and my agent made me get out of the car, i hadn't died, we weren't going to do it another day and I couldn't back out. Seriously! How I even managed to walk into that recording place, my legs were like jelly, is a complete mystery! We sat in the waiting room until Min Yoongi had arrived with his handler and his representation. I gulped constantly for like 5 minutes while we waited, apparently my agent had arrived early in case he'd had to drag me inside. The receptionist asked me if I needed a glass of water because I was gulping so much, but I shook my head, I was sure if I drank or ate anything I was going to vomit all over Yoongi. "Are we late?" Asked Yoongi's handler. "No, not at all, we were just a little to eager to be able to do this," said my agent smoothly, "let me introduce my client." He said as I stood up on my jelly legs, and took a step towards my agent, Min Yoongi and his people. We shook hands and he actually half smiled at me, could he tell I was dying of nerves and resisting the urge to fan girl at high pitch? "So, let's get a coffee," said the handler, "then the talent can talk about how they want to create?!" He lead us all into a coffee room with an industrial looking espresso machine on one side with some tables and two soft looking sofas down the other end around a coffee table, Yoongi made his way to the sofas and I looked over my shoulder at my agent who nodded at me like he was my dad not my agent, I was secretly grateful, I was pretty much, and sorry but, shitting bricks with nerves and fear. "I really liked your album, you've got some serious talent and that shit is ballsy, like Jessi ballsy!" Said Yoongi as I sat down on one of the sofas. I gulped again, "Thanks!" I said my voice rough like I'd swallowed gravel before I opened my mouth, "that really means a lot coming from someone who is as talented as you!" He looked over his shoulder and his handler came running over, "What can I get you creatives to drink?" The handler asked us. Yoongi looked at me as if I should order first. My hands were still shaking, and I was desperate for caffeine hoping it would help with my nerves. "Cappuccino, double shot of espresso no sugar, thanks," I said after I'd cleared my throat. The handler nodded and looked at Yoongi, "That sounds good, make me one too!" He replied the half smile back. When we were "alone" again he spoke again, "Thank god, I thought you were going to be a sickly sweet fangirl! I only came to see if this wasn't some manufactured rebel shit, but a woman who drinks coffee like that must mean business!" "Thanks," I said, "I do, but I'll be honest, I was proper fangirl-ing from the early hours before my agent came to pick me up." He smiled again, I couldn't help but smile back. His hair scruffy and his dark eyes filled respect, this guy, my idol, the guy who I had dreamed about working with, the guy I'd had a huge crush on since their debut respected me, and was treating me like a creative equal and not like the total wannabe I felt I was. We spent hours figuring out how we could work best together. How his style could be incorporated into my song to best showcase our work. It was the best creative meeting I've ever had, and sure I haven't had that many, but I will always use it as a benchmark for any others. We spent so much time drinking coffee and planning out how it would work we didn't actually record anything that day. Okay, so now you're probably really confused, thinking that the magic fairies were recording all the music. But I am a new artist and my music is mine so I am involved in finding musicians, I write all my music and play piano so pretty much all my music starts from a piano base. When I get into a recording studio I spend all my time those first few weeks and month laying down beats from drummers and melodies from guitarists and stuff like that. So my producer had at his point hired all the musicians that I'd auditioned, basically guitarists, pianists, violinists, sometimes a bass player or trumpet player, it kind of depends on what style I'm trying to achieve. So when me and Yoongi met for the first time all that was still to do and I was quite impressed that he wanted to be involved in that bit too. He came into the studio every day after that, we'd sit at the mixing desk and lay down bass and beats, I'd give direction but he would give suggestions about things and I of course listened, the guy is a freaking music genius! We'd spark of each other and before too long we had the music down and we're thinking about the rap and singing. After each day I'd come home with a sort of glow inside me, I was tired, exhausted actually but I spent every evening smiling to myself. Then I'd go to bed and smile as I thought how great the day had been, or how smart and kind Yoongi was. He tells you straight but he's not mean, he's just honest sometimes brutally so. He's so sincere, after the year I'd had it was refreshing not to be BS'd all the time. Then there was the night I dreamed he kissed me, I woke up slowly and so happy but when I remembered my dream, I sat bolt upright. Look, I've said, I'm a fangirl, I've had a crush on Suga for a long time, so sure I've daydreamed plenty that I was kissing the cherubic Yoongi but after meeting him I'd stopped doing that and I'd certainly not dreamt about him for weeks, not since hearing he'd be recording with me. So when I woke up and realized I'd be dreaming we were kissing, I won't explain how far we'd got before I woke up, pleasant as it was and believe me it was, I felt guilty. It felt like I was somehow not treating him like a person, like I was treating him like an idol on a poster. When I got to the studio that day I couldn't shake that tingling feeling from my dream, every time I looked at Yoongi I felt myself starting to blush. Seeing him just brought back the dream image and the sensation of his kiss and it made me nervous, as nervous as the first day we'd met. "Are you alright?" He asked me when we sat on the sofas in the coffee room eating lunch. I composed myself and made myself look at his sweet face. "I'm fine," I said as calmly as I could manage, the blush was growing, I could feel my cheeks get hot as I tried desperately not to remember the dream sensation of his mouth on mine. I gulped, "I... I had some very vivid dreams last night, and I guess I didn't sleep so well." "Oh? I hope they were good dreams, at least?" He replied. I couldn't help the smile that crept on to my lips as I remembered my dream, "Looks like they were." I looked in my lap, trying to restrain the blush that was steadily burning my cheeks. Oh god it was so embarrassing, as if he could see what I'd dreamt about him in my face! I tried to keep my hands away from his on the mix desk, just grazing his fingers was making it difficult for me. Whenever he got up he'd pat me on the shoulder or something, carelessly touching me, it was the most exquisite agony, and I think I blushed for at least 12 hours that day. The next day was a little easier, but it was my turn in the booth, and singing about loving a man as my equal and seeing him behind the mix desk with a technician nearly killed me. In the end my voice started to go from the tension I was feeling and I had to take 5 and go take a moment in the ladies room. I think someone must have worried about me because my agent showed up and came into the ladies room. I didn't think I'd been in there long. "Okay level with me, what is going on?" He asked straight out, I looked up at him and I thought I was going to cry, "Oh shit, is it that bad?" "It's the nerves, he's my idol, it was fine and then I had a dream about him and now I can barely look at the guy!" I replied emptying my soul in the ladies bathroom. "What do you want me to do?" He asked, looking at me like a concerned parent. I put my head in my hands, what did I want to do? I had no idea, all I knew for sure was I wanted to do this track with Yoongi, I didn't want him to think I was a weirdo. "Nothing," I said my head still in my hands, "I just have to get a grip and be a professional! I can't let my personal feelings get in the way of my music or his career!" "Good girl!" He said an patted my arm in a pathetic kind of way, "I'll get out of your way, come out when you're ready!" I don't know what he told Yoongi or the crew but when I came out Yoongi was looking at me, as if he were concerned about me, but he smiled when he saw I was looking at him. I went back in the booth and finished my singing part. It was a bit easier after that, except I caught Yoongi looking at me with an puzzled expression on his face a couple of times. The next day I got in early, I guess I wanted to make up for the mini meltdown I'd had the day before, I listened to what we'd done the day before, it was good. I made coffee, talked to one of the technicians, planned out what we might do to that day. The morning was nearly gone but Yoongi was no where to be seen. I started to worry. Had I put him off? Had he changed his mind about recording with me? Had I, without knowing it, scared him off? I spent the next few hours trying to be professional, trying to focus on my music, trying to work and not to worry about him or why he might be late. I was really feeling lost without him there, would I be able to finish my album when I'd finished recording with him? A million different things kept running through my head and I was just about to call my agent when Yoongi walked through the door. "I'm sorry," he said, looking sheepishly at me, "I had to see my doctor. I... I had a dream... and you... you were in it. It was a good dream, but I needed to talk to someone before I saw you." A dream, oh shit! What kind of dream?! I tried to smile, but my thoughts were running wild. The day continued on pretty much as any day would, except I noticed that Yoongi didn't touch the mix desk when I did or pat me on the shoulder when he wanted to tell me he liked the music. In fact all the careless touches stopped, I felt so bereft, I'd gotten so used to his caresses, even though they were unintentional. It made me feel lonely, as if we'd dated and then broken up. It got worse, the next day when he was recording his rap, rapping about how his woman was fierce and how much respect he had for her and I made an excuse and left the recording room. I don't why, but it hurt to think he wasn't talking about me. I felt like a newly heartbroken ex-girlfriend, not a co-creator or collaborator. "Are you alright?" He asked when I came back from the ladies again and he'd finished recording. He searched my face concerned, I smiled bravely and looked into his beautiful eyes, how I didn't die I have no idea! "Yes, thanks, I'm fine," I lied. "Oh, okay," he said awkwardly his hands dropping to his sides. I wanted to kiss him so badly then, wanted to tell him that I was falling in love with him and that I didn't know how I was going to carry on recording when he wasn't with me anymore. But he walked off into the coffee room, and left me standing outside the recording booth. I thought I was going to cry then. I don't how I stood it, seeing him every day, realizing how much I wanted to be with him and not being able to, it was the most beautifully painful thing I think I've ever experienced so far in my life. A few days went by, it was the weekend and we'd decided to come in on the Saturday to finish the track, edit it and piece it all together. We'd worked pretty much all day, we had a quiet lunch in the coffee room with the technicians, then about 3pm they left and it was pretty much just Suga and me, and a receptionist who had the keys to lock up with, who was at reception. It was late and we'd just finished the track, it was excellent, it really was, I was so pleased with it and it dawned on me that this was the last time I'd see him. Even if we promoted it together, it'd never be just us again, any music videos or press junkets we would be surrounded by people. I started to cry, I didn't mean to, it just came without warning and I turned away from him in my chair to hide my tears. "Fxxk it!" I heard him say and he spun my chair around and took me by the shoulders and kissed me. Hot and hard, and passionate and I stopped caring and just kissed him back as hard as he kissed me. It was spicy and sexy and so so sweet. I didn't want to stop. I want to keep kissing him forever. He pulled me away for a second and looked at me. "You kissed back?!" He said surprised. I giggled, I couldn't help it, he looked so in awe that I'd kissed him back. I nodded, biting my bottom lip my face warm from kissing, "I thought you weren't interested in me!" I started laughing then, I couldn't stop, I'd been agonizing pretty much from the day I met him, and then after the dream my agonies just got worse, and then he'd stopped touching me and I'd felt broken. Now he was acting as if I'd been the one who'd stopped. "You..." I said mock tapping him on the arm, "I'm the stupid fangirl whose spent days holding in my desires and here you are acting as if it was the opposite way around. Why did you think I had a melt down in the ladies? I'd had a really hot dream about you the night before and then I had to come in and not imagine you kissing me every time I looked at you or you brushed my hand on the mix desk!" "You had a dream about me? I told you I had one about you! I went to my counselor because I didn't know what it meant that I'd had a sexy dream about you!" He said, "That's why I was late! I thought you were hot from the day we met, and then you turned out to be a badass too who was serious about music and I respected you too. Every single day I wanted you more, and then when I thought I might tell you how I felt, if I could look at you while I was recording the rap, you disappeared." "I disappeared because I couldn't bare to hurt while you rapped about the woman you respected and loved and it not be me!" I replied, "then I realized tonight I was never going to see you again and started crying." "I just thought you were sick of me, but I couldn't go without kissing you at least once, even if you didn't respond," he said. I was in his arms by then, I'd gone from total misery to absolute ecstasy in one kiss. I looked up at him and pulled his face down to mine, and kissed him again. Hotter and harder this time, his tongue tasting mine, I won't tell you what happens after that, it's enough to let you know that we left the recording studio and ended up at my tiny apartment. The next few days were crazy, i met the guys and we spent a lot more time together, he helped me with the rest of my album and I hoped he'd never ever leave me again, at least not in his heart.

[helostswift-blog]

Hey Tay...

So I just wanted to take this time to tell you guys and hopefully Taylor what my life is like at the moment and how I've been so far in my Swiftie life. The reason why is because I really want to share how I feel and also encourage other people to never give up hopes and dreams. One of my biggest dreams in my life as a 16 year old is for Taylor to just notice me. Just notice im alive here in Sweden trying to support her by having her back in every situation.

So, background story time yay! Back in 2009 I was like most girls obsessed with boybands and barbies. If you liked to play with cars, I wont judge you at all. Well I was just 9 so I didn't focus a lot on the merchandise or anything like that. You just said: I love him, and that was it. You where a fangirl. That's pretty much how it is supposed to be but it's not anymore. Well anyways later that year I was in the car with my mum when she just randomly turned on the radio. I couldn't hear what the song or artist was called and my mum didn't either but I got so lost in the song and loved it! Because of the facts that I had no information about the singer or the song I didn't care so much about it. Later on, I found out that the song was called Love Story.

So a few months later, I sat at My bench in school. Probably bored by math or something as most 10 year olds. Suddenly my friend ran up to me and said: you have to see this music video its so good! At first I didn't recognize either the singer or the voice but a few seconds in to the video I realised that it was the same girl from the radio way back in 2009. But this was a different song. It was called You Belong With Me.

I instanly fell in love with her smile and her voice and searched her up everywhere. On youtube, spotify and so on. Even though my english  the very best at the time I still enjoyed watching her vloggs from the fearless tour and all the songs form her first two albums. After a while I started seeing people talking about a new album. It was going to be released the same year.  Because of my young age and because of the fact that Tay wasn't a very big country star in Sweden I didn't really know when the album was going to be released, so I just waited for it. For a few months.

The summer of 2011 I was on my way to a house to meet up with some relatives when we randomly stoped at a gasstation to tank our car. We went inside the store to buy some candy and I walked pass the top 10 albums of the year. There, on the number one spot, a girl with curly hair and a purple dress was standing. It was speak now. I usually didn't buy stuff so my parents let me buy the cd. We listened to it the rest of the way and my parents where supprised I already knew all the lyrics. Actually I was just reading from the booklet.

Well Tay didn't come to Sweden that year and it didn't bother me too much but ai kept on listening to her music anyways. The year was 2012 and I finally got an instagram acount. Now I could stalk her even more and find out about important stuff in time. Suddenly I knew about award shows, her friends, her family and thats when the fangirling started.

Autumn came and a new album was about to be released. I couldn't  watch the livestream but I watched it online the next day. I was so pumped to listen to the new songs and to watch new music videos. For christmas I ended up getting both the album Red and also her first ever perfume, wondersrtuck. Unfortonaly I didn't get to go to the Red tour either.

So new years came and it was time for 2013 to hit the spotlight. I was so pumped for what 2013 had to bring me. Merchandise. I didn't know about the UK store atm so we asked one of my dads friends in New York if we could order the merch to his adress and then he could ship it to us. He did it. Well I ended up playing a lot of Money to get it here (almost 160$) but I was so happy when it arrived. Around my 13th birthday that year, I started a fanacount on instagram called swiftsisters13 (now DibblesGrammy). I've grown a lot On there and learned a lot about life. Its been a great journey.

Well I could talk about this for ages but let me skip past the less important stuff and go to August 8th 2014. This night I stayed up to 1am swedish time to hear Taylor talk about a new album. I was so excited and I remember dancing around in my bedrooms with the computer in my hands trying to keep the headphones in my ears when Shake It Of was playing for the very first time. Little did I know that just this moment would turn into something so amazing and lifechanging.

I kept on posting about Taylor on instagram while ordering merchandise from the UK store (wich i had just discovered) and had parties like it was 1989. I had so much fun that year.

The next year started good when the 1989 world tour started. I went online to checked the dates but nothing in Sweden as predicted. The good need where that we where heading to nyc by the start of summer. In NYC I want to go to Taylors apartment just to feel closer to her than I usually did. And that's when I met her. Just kidding she was in Europe at that time. We where in Canada when Taylor played in Ottawa but we didn't have the money or time to go there. And that was my last chance. I felt so bad that I couldn't go to that tour either and it feels like I will never be able to see her live.

Taylor, if you by any chance is reading this... I know Sweden isn't the best country in Europe but I beg you to come here! I really want to see you live. Cause that's been my dream since I was 10 years old. My life right now is not the best. I have gain some great Swiftie friends and non swifties too and it's misty thanks to your. To get to thank you in person would mean the world to me.

You are the reason I've dug deeper into the meaning of love. You are the reason I know that being good to people is a wonderful legacy to leave behind. You are the reason I am fearless enough to challenge my fears. You are the reason I like to write songsx You are the reason I've started to speak up for myself and my loved ones. You are the reason im not falling in love before knowing it is what I want. You are the reason im walking through storms knowing I won't get damaged.

You make me Clean...

Much Love️ Johanna

@taylorswift

[sandriinehebert]

Date: July 1st 2014 Location: Adamo Lombardi’s apartment in Boston. Trigger Warning: Super short mentions of death/grief, Adamo being a decent person (!!!). Notes: This is kinda from her brother’s point of view? Ish? I really wanted to dig deeper in their good moments, so have some pointless fluff between these little pieces of maple syrup taffy. You can click on the song titles to listen to them if you want! Also, this got super long but that’s my brand and everyone knows that by now. ily all <3

“I invited you to move out with me, not to make my ears bleed, you tiny monster.”

Sandrine’s head appeared from the mountain of boxes piled up around her. Her glare was icy and she could swear she almost noticed lasers coming out of her eyes. “How dare you insult Lana Del Rey? She’s is the best thing that happened to the music industry since Britney Spears.”

“Go back to your country!” Adamo threatened playfully as his sister repeated Fucked My Way Up to The Top for the hundredth time on the tiny radio she insisted on squeezing somewhere in her luggages. She insisted on bringing this and her entire collection of CDs, although he promised he’d show her how to use iTunes. He gave up when she could not even spot which app it was on her phone.

“Don’t pretend like I didn’t see you shake your booty to West Coast earlier.” She poked her tongue out.

“Why do you even like her? You’re not dating rich grandpas and you’ve never done weed. You can’t relate to her music at all.”

“I relate to the esthétique.”

“Aesthetic. Geez, you gotta work on your accent. How are you supposed to learn Bostonian slang if you can’t even speak English?”

They called for a truce when she threw him a scrunched up ball of newspaper she used to stuff the boxes, reaching her target easily. They decided to switch the music to Young the Giant’s latest album as they unpacked the rest of their belongings. They did not miss their chance of screaming Mind Over Matter at the top of their lungs either. Adamo had only gotten his hands on the beautiful loft. It was located downtown, in a young and hip area of Boston. It was quite the ride from the arena the Bruins used to practice and train, but he enjoyed to be in the middle of the action. It almost reminded him of Montréal. The loft was gigantic for a single man. Everything was white or stainless silver. It lacked of personality. It was lifeless, much like his previous apartment when his parents or his sister did not visit him.

When she talked to him about her plans to visit Massachussetts on her own, an idea popped in his mind. She had been wasting her money over all of these crappy hotel rooms for way too long, and he happened to need help unpacking and settling down in his new home. He killed two birds with one stone and offered Alessandra to be his roommate. When they were younger, they dreamed of moving in together. They had their whole thing set up: they would buy the house right next to their parents’ and live like adults, unless it was dinner time or they had laundry to do. Then, they would only have to travel back to mom’s and dad’s and not deal with any boring responsabilities. Their dream died the day he got his offer to join Boston’s hockey team, and, although he hated to admit it, he regretted breaking Sandrine’s heart and illusion of their perfect roommate life.

Soon enough, everything was set into place. The only thing missing was the furniture. All they had was a big mattress, a television, an oven and a fridge. The rest was supposed to be delivered the next day. And that was because Alessandra noticed Adamo confused the delivery dates and argued with the representants until they agreed to fix the situation. She did not fail to remind him how essential she was to his existence. To which he agreed.

God knew how much he loved his sister — worse, how much he needed her. When he moved out of Canada, he felt empty inside. It was like someone stole a piece of his heart and never put it back. He had no one to pour cereal for in the morning, even though he bought several boxes of her favorite ones just by habit. He had no one to comfort during a thunderstorm, knowing how terrified it made her and that she only fell asleep if he held her close. He had no one to cook with at two in the morning when he craved cupcakes, as she made the best ones he ever tasted. He had no one to go to when girls broke his heart, no one to cheer him up, no one to cheer up either. He no longer saw her skate, or helped her for that matter. He ignored what she was up to while they were so used to sneaking some little notes into class in High School just to make sure everything was fine. He had no one to go out with, as none of his new friends compared to Sandrine. She was lively, bubbly, she was filled with kindness and naivety. She understood him better than everyone else. Alessandra was his other half, his much, much better half.

Losing his sister was one of the worst moments of his life. It happened so many years ago and still, the pain was still sharp. And the guilt? Even more hurtful. She did not want to let go of him at the airport when their parents drove him there. She made a whole scene, to the point security guards had to pull them apart. She was crying and kicking and fighting to run back to him, and she escaped from the guards’ grip enough times that Christian, their father, had to pull her by the arm and force her back to the car. She was so feisty, she could win any fights on the ice like those stupid players who pretended they were Rocky Balboa. He tried to be the most mature one, to act tough and pretend he would be finally liberated without his little annoying sister, but he could not fight the tears as he got on the plane.

And there she was again. The soulmates were back together, but something felt so different. There was a distance between them, both emotional and physical. She went to University, she grew up as an individual, her dreams changed. But she remained the same flawless human being he protected all his life. And him? Sometimes he did not even know who he was anymore. Since he refused to let her sleep directly on the floor and gave her the mattress, which he put in the bedroom, they were on both ends of the loft. Instead, he used his old camping sleeping bag and stared at the moon through the window. Yet, he could still hear her roll over on the mattress. He heard the sound of choked sobbing.

Adam could not support it. It was like the dagger piercing through his heart came back around and tore him apart. He stood up to look through the open boxes and found a pink stuffed bunny. He remembered when he bought it at Toys R Us, twenty something years ago when his parents announced him they were expecting a little baby. He named her Rosie, because his sister reminded him of a rose. She was fragile like the petals, yet strong and resistant like the thorns.

“I cried so much when I moved here the first time, I had to put my pillow in the dryer every night... For three months.” Adam confessed with a small grin, as he leaned on the doorframe of the room Sandrine was sleeping in. He kept the bunny in his hands, watching it closely. She kept it in pristine condition. It looked the same as when his stupid three years-old self chose it in the store.

She sniffed soundly, hiding her head under her old Barbie themed bed sheets that she brought, knowing very well he forgot to buy her a set. “Yeah, right. The only thing you cried for was when you thought Marie-Mai was dating the singer of Simple Plan in that music video and not you.”

“Ouch, that’s a tough throwback for my ego.”

He heard a timid wave of laughter coming from the coccoon. He decided to kneel beside her, waving the stuffed animal near her until she dared to give a look outside.

“I’m such a child — .”

“No.” Adam cut her off before she started her routine of insults and guilt. He hated when she did that, when she did not believe she was worth all the treasures in the world. “You are the most mature person I have ever met.” A pair of suspicious eyebrows appeared from under the covers. “Tu m’as manquée.”

She did not recall the last time he told her he missed her. He stopped opening up about his feelings to be more like his hockey teammates, stupid, douchey and gross. And ever since that moment, she felt as if she was blood related to a complete stranger.

“Come on, get up on your short legs. I’ll make you some chocolat chaud.”

She could not resist his offer and followed him, hugging him from behind and struggling to keep up with his wide steps. She teasingly wiped her eyes on his shirt and stained it, knowing he hated when she used to do that. “I feel so alone.”

“Me too.”

“Mamie left us...” Even though she tried her very hardest, she still could not get over her grandmother passing away. Corinna was the glue to their family, and nobody knew where they would be today if it was not of this lady who sacrificed so much for her loved ones. “And then you left me.” She let the warmth of the cup of warm milk and cocoa powder dry her tears, well, metaphorically speaking. “I have nobody. I am lonely.”

He wrapped her in his arms, resting his head on top of hers. He almost forgot how small she was, yet, she was stronger and stood above everybody else. Her heart was bigger than every Bostonian citizens’ combined. He hated himself for being the one who broke it that day in the airport.

“You’re not lonely anymore.” He said the words, almost like a promise. It was a dangerous promise, one he already knew he could not keep. “We’ll get through this.” Adamo spoke softly into her ear. “Together.”

“Together, forever.”

@devinstonerpg

[jackywroteabook]

5 Minute Fiction: “SUPERMAN”

{Just a little taste of the writing you can expect in one of my full-length novels, without the sheer number of hours, willpower, & commitment it takes to finish it. All short stories are representative of my writing voice, content, characters, settings, moods, & themes of my general fiction. Enjoy a quick snapshot of the kind of writing a genuine, award-winning Jacquelyn Eubanks Novel™ has to offer. All short stories take approximately 5 minutes or less to read. Like what you read? Buy my books on Amazon (The Last Summer & The Last Time) and follow me on social media (@JackyWroteABook).}

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I remember him in flashbacks. It’s the little things that trigger memories. Last weekend, I was cleaning out his basement and came across a box full of cassette tapes from the nineties. I pulled out each rectangular tape and examined the labels running along the side, noting the bands and album names written in his blocky handwriting, now faded or smudged. One particular tape caught my eye: Crash Test Dummies’ “The Ghosts That Haunt Me”.

           His favorite.

           Tearing through the boxes almost in a mania, I finally uncovered his old stereo system, the one with three CD slots, huge speakers, and two cassette tape places. I plugged it into an outlet and blew the dust off the tape slot, placed the cassette in, clicked the door shut, and pressed ‘play’.

           A sob caught in my throat as the baritone’s voice wafted through the room, crooning to the piano ballad about Superman.

           I close my eyes and am plunged into a memory of sitting in Daddy’s lap, listening to this song while he sings along, my curly red hair tucked under his chin. I can feel his throat vibrate with the notes and his whiskers scratch like sandpaper against my cheek. He smells of cigar smoke and some kind of cologne that I never learned the name of, but he always wore it. I’m no older than three.

           The hot, silent tears slide down my cheeks like that moment when you reach the top of the rollercoaster and the only place you can go is down, down, faster and faster, at such a steep incline that your stomach drops and you feel like you’re falling and suddenly you can’t contain it anymore, and you just scream.

           My father was a man who didn’t say much, but he didn’t need to. His actions spoke volumes.

           We were never rich, but my dad made enough to provide a good life for his family. I remember one Christmas, my family was ready to go on our first real vacation – as in, no tents, sleeping bags, or dehydrated backpacking food. We were going to a ski resort in Montreal, and my sisters and I were so excited to finally see real snow after living in southern Arizona our whole lives. I packed my suitcase full of the essentials days before we had to leave – my stuffed animals, a nightgown with Barbie on it, my blankie, and some Froot Loops – and I was so excited that I could hardly sleep. Two nights before Christmas, Dad called everyone into the living room for a family meeting. He explained that we weren’t going on the trip anymore. He looked somberly down at me and my two little sisters, reached for our mother’s hand, and drew in a breath. He then explained that there are a lot of people less fortunate than us. As simply as possible, he told us that the Bank was going to take away another family’s house if they didn’t pay money.

           “How much money, daddy?”

           “A lot.”

           He explained that rather than go on a trip this Christmas, we were giving the money we would’ve spent on vacation to the Bank so the family, who had little girls just like me, could keep their house.

           He never told us who the family was.

           I never learned how much money he gave them…but, as an adult with a job and children of my own, I can take an educated guess.

           Dad spent decades working for the same company, and he hated it. He told me he’d dreamt of being a jet fighter pilot, but his eyesight was so horrendous that it was impossible. So he settled for a job he didn’t enjoy, and it drained him. Hours upon hours, he labored in a DuPont plant mixing chemicals to create car paint. He couldn’t stand the wrath of his superiors on the corporate end, and he never could get close to his coworkers. He was a natural introvert, yes, but he didn’t associate himself with people who degraded his integrity. The men at his job smoked pot during lunch breaks, blew all their Friday paychecks on hard liquor, and frequently invited him into a prostitute trailer parked behind the factory. He didn’t agree with that lifestyle and was persecuted for it mercilessly. Often, the only companionship he found at work was from the radio, which he listened to while eating lunch in the car.  

           There are things I distinctly inherited from Dad. His passion for politics is a perfect example. I remember nights spent in front of the TV, Tom Brokaw broadcasting the news, my dad and I sharing pita bread and hummus or crackers with canned sardines or smoked oysters. The salty, oily taste of fish in a tin acts as a trigger. During those quiet times spent together, he liked to pass on thoughts and wisdom.

           The only person he ever hated was Bill Clinton. He despised that man, and whenever the president appeared on our screen, Dad would shut the television off in a huff. When I asked him why President Clinton bothered him so much, he just shook his head and uttered, “I can’t respect a man who cheats on his wife. How do you trust someone who lies to the very person they promised to always be faithful to?”

           I never questioned the morality of my dad. He was a righteous man who read the Bible, attended church, and believed that beer is a sign that God loves us and wants us to be happy.  

           He had that exact phrase – it’s a Ben Franklin quote – on a T-shirt. His best friend, Robert, had a shirt to match it. They were closer than brothers, and I remember Uncle Bob was always at our house bearing gifts and pearls of wisdom for us girls. He and Dad joked that the hope of America rested on my shoulders, and that it was my duty to keep my reputation as spotless as possible so I could be president one day. I never forgot their faith in me, long after Uncle Bob waded into the deep end of atheism and then went under, completely submerged and drowning in the bitterness of his refusal to acknowledge a god. We never saw him again, and even though Dad said nothing, I know losing his best friend like that was worse than if he had died.

           Dad’s father died when he was fourteen, and from that moment on he took on the roll of Superman for his mother and brother during their grieving. He loved his father more than words can express, and I knew it; spread throughout my childhood were bits and pieces of Papa, appearing in the forms of a watch Dad always wore, a Free Masons ring, a case full of World War II medals, and a brown leather recliner that he and I always sat in. Dad always loved World War II movies. I never said it aloud, but I always figured those movies helped him feel connected to his father.

           In high school, I was bullied and sexually harassed by a gang of undersexed pubescent boys. Every day I would make up outlandish excuses to stay home, or halfway through the day fake sick and get sent home early. Finally, Dad caught on to what was happening, so he went directly to the principal so the harassment would stop. To our dismay, my sexist principal simply had a chat with each of the boys that consisted of approximately two sentences: “She’s obviously mentally unstable. Just leave her alone and the school won’t have to deal with her problems anymore.” Needless to say, this didn’t help the situation; if anything, it was reassurance to the boys that our principal was on their side, and they could continue torturing me without fear of punishment. That’s when Dad decided to take things into his own hands: he signed me up for taekwondo and taught me everything I needed to know about dealing with assholes. By the time I’d reached a black belt and gotten in two fights at school (both in self-defense, of course), I may not have been well-liked, but at least I was left alone. Dad taught me that I didn’t have to be afraid because all the strength, courage, and confidence I’d ever need was already within me.      

           When I was twelve, I decided that baseball was my favorite sport and I promptly became obsessed with it. In fact, rarely a day went by that I wasn’t glued to the TV, engulfed in a Dodger’s game. I came to know every player, every team, every score, stat, and skill in Major League Baseball. And before I knew it, Dad was joining me. He never, to my recollection, was a baseball fan. But something changed, and all of a sudden he was the one keeping track of scores and standings and waiting for me to join him in watching the game. On my birthday every year, we drove all the way to Los Angeles to watch a Dodger’s game. Just me and him. It was wonderful. On the way home from one of those birthday games, I was falling asleep in the shotgun seat when I heard him whisper, “Thanks, Mack-ster, for reminding me of how much I love baseball.”

           I later learned that baseball was his dad’s favorite sport, and the two of them bonded over listening to Dodgers games on the radio when he was a child. After his father died, his love of baseball died, too.  I promised myself that I wouldn’t let the same thing happen to me when my dad died. If  he ever died.

To me, Dad was more invincible than Superman. He never showed weakness, but he had a quiet empathy that bred an old-world, gentlemanly air about him. He seemed timeless, and even as the years passed he was consistent in character and looks. That’s why our last Daddy-Daughter Night left me numb and disbelieving, as if reality could not be as frigid as the touch of his words.

It was a Tuesday night. He called me up and suggested we go out to Luigi’s, our favorite Italian restaurant. I met him at our usual booth, situated under a wooden overhang covered in fake grapes hanging from vines. It smelled like tomato sauce, basil and garlic. A basket full of breadsticks sat in front of him on the red-and-white-checkered tablecloth, a dish of olive oil and parmesan cheese next to it. We carried on our usual conversation through the appetizer – calamari – and the salad course – with bleu cheese dressing, like always – when the air thickened with words not yet uttered, suppressed and even withheld. I could sense this cloud suffocating and separating us. There was something he wasn’t telling me, I knew, but I couldn’t reach him through the smog of sensitive silence. Finally, when the waiter delivered our entrees (eggplant parmesan for me, veal parmesan for him), he spoke.

“I’m dying.”

His words made the cloud evaporate so quickly that it created a vacuum, a black hole sucking out every emotion, every word, every thought, every sense until I was left with only shock. The breath caught in my throat, and I could feel my chest tighten with the realization that Superman had a kryptonite: Cancer.

I broke down sobbing within a matter of seconds, the tears flooding my eyes and pouring down my face as if a dam burst, throwing away all lessons he’d given me on “mental toughness”. And, to my absolute horror, he started crying, too.

It was the first – and the last – time I ever saw my father cry.

He died that spring.

And the man who shaped me into the person I am, the legacy he left behind, the impact he made on other lives – they are still a part of me, a part of the world, even though he’s no longer physically here. I feel his presence in objects, in sounds, in scents that trigger memories and bring him back to me intangibly. He did everything he could to leave this world better than he found it. He was the greatest man I ever knew.

The last notes of the song echoed in the basement, spreading a warm, bittersweet wave of nostalgia through my body reverberating in my soul as I hung on to the last line of lyrics:

And sometimes I despair the world will never see another man like him…

[lovemesomesurveys]

When was the last time you used a pair of ear/headphones? Last night.

Have you ever tried to count to infinity? I remember as a kid I’d try to see how high I could count, but I got bored quickly lol.

Do you like making mixed cds? I used to, yeah. With things like Spotify; though, there’s no need anymore.

Would you want to live forever if it meant being a tree? No?

What is the strangest thing you’ve put chocolate on? I don’t think it’s weird, but chocolate covered potato chips are delicious.

Could you earn a good living selling weed? I wouldn’t know.

How would you use a photographic memory? It would have been useful when I was in school.

What would you do tomorrow if you had $500? I’d put it towards my new laptop fund.

What body hair gets the most attention? The hair on my head.

What’s your favorite commercial? I don’t care for commercials.

Do you like pie? I like cookies and cream pie and banana creme. I don’t like fruit pies.

Do you appreciate dishwashers? Yeah.

If you could change someone else’s past, what would you change? Yikes, I wouldn’t. I’m playing this game called Life is Strange, and the main character has the ability to do that, but it’s the whole butterfly effect thing cause you can’t change something without changing everything else. The changes could be good or bad.

What’s the worst experience you don’t remember? The incident that paralyzed me. I was only 7 months old, so I have no memory of it.

Are your dreams usually cheerful? They’re just super random.

What’s your favorite color of eyeliner? Black.

How’s the weather where you are at? It’s finally starting to feel like fall.

Anything bad happen today? Nah.

Can you solve a Rubik’s Cube? I’ve never really tried. I give up fast.

What was the last thing that you microwaved? A microwave tv dinner thingy.

Did you have an easy-bake oven when you were little? Yes.

Have you ever seen a donkey? Yes.

Do you like sheep? Sure.

Do you like dogs? I love dogs.

Do you have one? I do.

Do you ever want to be married? Meh.

Do you take a lot of pictures? Of my puppy, haha.

Where is the boy you want most? Off somewhere not knowing I exist, ha.

Where will you be 2 hours from now? Here.

What is your current mood? Hungry and tired.

Where are you going tomorrow? I have a doctor appointment.

Who was the last person you yelled at? *shrug*

Do you think you’ll be a good Mother/Father? I don’t even know if I want kids.

The last thing you drank? Coke.

What’s in your pocket? Nothing.

What colour are your fingernails? Natural color.

Have you ever left school just because you didn’t want to be there? No.

Did anything cute happen today? My puppy is cute.

What are you currently hearing? The TV.

Are you afraid of the dark? Yes.

Do you usually tell people when they hurt your feelings? Very rarely.

Do you have a common first name? I knew a few Stephanie’s growing up, but it seems less common now.

Do you like your middle name or your first name more? My first name.

What year would/did you turn 21? 2010.

What was popular when you were a kid? Barbies.

Do you wear more rings or necklaces? Neither.

Have you ever been engaged? Nope.

Can you see your veins through your skin? Yeah.

Do you worry about having good grammar online? Yes.

Do you know anyone with a lazy eye? No.

Did your parents let you have pets when you were a kid? Yep.

Would you rather live in an apartment or a duplex? I live in a duplex.

Do you like spicy chips? I loved spicy chips and spicy everything, but I can’t eat that stuff anymore due to health reasons. :/

Do you have any ‘different’ keychains on your keys/purse? Yeah.

Do you collect pins? No.

What band was on the last band t-shirt you wore? Nirvana.

Do you wear more pink or yellow? Neither.

Have you ever been out of the state you were born in? Yes.

Do you have any tattoos on your arms? I don’t have any tattoos at all.

Have you ever owned or known someone who owned a black cat? No.

When was the last time you felt jealous? I don’t know.

What’s the last thing you bought besides food/drink? Sweaters.

What album is the last song you listened to from? I forget what the last song I listened to was.

Who scheduled your last doctor visit? My mom still does that for me.

What’s the last video game you played? Life is Strange.

Do you have anything on your wrists right now? Nope.

Do you have any holiday theme’d socks? Yes.

What kind of accent do you have? Californian, I guess?

What’s the last funny movie you watched? Hmmm.

Can you remember your parents’ birthdays? Yes, of course.

Is there anyone who you just absolutely cannot STAND being around? No.

What is the design on your shirt? It’s an old school Star Wars shirt.

Do you know anyone who just flat-out fails at life? Me?

Are you a Ghoulscout? No.

Do you know someone who’s just always wrong about everything? Kinda.

Do you make fun of people often? No.

Do you read your friend’s surveys? I read the answers to a few people on here that I follow.

If you had to get a tattoo tomorrow, what would you pick? I’ve been wanting to get free bird tattooed on my inner wrist, but I’m a wuss.

How do you feel about band tattoos? I don’t feel any kind of way about them.

How much are you willing to pay for a pair of sunglasses? I don’t wear sunglasses cause I wear glasses.

What is the origin of your last name? Irish.

Do you ever use the n-word? No.

What piercing do you like most on the opposite sex? Not into piercings anymore, but I used to like snakebites.

What brand of hair dye do you prefer to use? I get my hair done at the salon.

What country do you live in? USA.

Did/do you ride the bus to and from school? I had to take the bus sometimes while in college.

Do you prefer beef, chicken or steak? Chicken.

Are you any good at applying make up? I suck. I just keep it simple with eyeliner and mascara.

Do you misuse commas? I don’t believe so.

Have you ever bitten your dentist? No.

Are you someone who likes to make simple things difficult? I’m great at making everything difficult.

Who makes you laugh the most? My lil bro.

Do you have any plans for this weekend? Nope.

Do you crack your knuckles? Sometimes.

Coffee or Tea? Coffee.

Do you know anyone named Matt? Nope.

Wearing any bracelets? No.

When were you last outside? Uhhh.

Do you need someone to cheer you up right now? Meh.

Are your nails painted? Nope.

Do you think things will change in the next 3 months? No.

Do you think you’d make a good parent? If I decide to be a parent someday I would like to think so, but as of now I don’t see myself having kids.

You start crying. Who do you want by your side? No one.

Ever cried while you were on the phone with someone? Yeah.

Did someone screw you over lately? No.

Would you ever get your hips pierced? No.

If you were given the chance to go to Paris, would you go? Um, YES.

Who was the first person you talked to today? My dad.

What’s your favorite musical? I have a few I like, but I don’t have a particular favorite.

How do you get to sleep? I get so tired that I pass out. ha.

What happened at the last party you went to? I hung out with some people. That’s about it.

Have you ever smoked a cigarette? Nope.

What’s your hair like at this present moment? A mess.

Are you more comfortable sitting or lying down? Lying down.

What’s the worst film you’ve ever seen? *shrug*

Are you an untidy person? No.

Have you ever been a fan of N*Sync? Yep.

Do you watch a lot of television? It’s mostly on as background noise, but I do have my shows I watch.

Do you think you’re fat sometimes? No.

Do you like to flex your muscles? What muscles?

Do you think you’ll ever get plastic surgery? No.

Have you ever completely misunderstood what somebody was saying? Yeah. It happens.

Favorite kind of cake: Funfetti or white cake. Always with buttercream frosting.

Was it a boy or a girl to text you last? Boy.

Name something you are doing tomorrow? I have a doctor appointment.

Do you sleep on your stomach? No.

Where are you going to be at 4:00 p.m. tomorrow? Probably still at my appointment because they take forever.

Are you missing someone? Yes.

Do you like horror or comedy? Comedy.

Who did you last share a taxi with? My friend.

Dogs or cats? Dogs.

What were you doing at 12 this afternoon? Sleeping.

Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 months from now? No.

What’s your favorite season? Why? Fall and winter.

When’s the last time you did something you knew was wrong? I don’t know.

Did you have any unread text messages this morning when you woke up? Yeah.

Who was the last person you hugged? My mom.

Do you think you would be a good parent? wtf lol i swear this survey has asked this three times? <<< Okay it’s not just me I was like wtf?? Enough with this.

When was the last time you cried? The other day.

Who was driving the last time you were in a car? My mom.

Does any part of your body hurt right now? Yes.

Do you like your bed? Yes.

When did you last talk to your brother or sister? Just a bit ago.

How much cash do you have on you? I don’t have any on me.

Are you tanned? No.

Did you get any compliments today? I haven’t gone anywhere. Not that I would because I look like a mess.

Have you ever gone to court? No.

Do you get jealous easily? No.

Would you ever want to swim with the sharks? Nooooo.

What are you doing Saturday? Nothing. I should get my hair done, though.

What is in your back pocket? Nothing.

What were you doing at 3:00 a.m. this morning? Playing Life is Strange, current obsession.

What do you usually do first in the morning? Check the time.

Are you any good at math? Nope.

Any plans for Friday night? No.

Do you have a little crush on someone? Yes.

When’s the last time you ran?
 Uhhh.

Do your jeans have rips, tears, and holes in them? No.

What are you dreading right now? My appointment tomorrow.

Do you celebrate 420? No.

Do you get the full 8 hours of sleep a night? Yeah.

If anyone came to your house on your “lazy days” what would ya’ll do? Ha, everyday is my “lazy” day. I don’t like unexpected visits.

Who last grabbed your ass? Probably Joseph.

Have you ever been on your school’s track team? No.

Do you own a pair of Converse? Yep, a couple.

Did you copy and paste this survey? Well, yeah?

Do you eat raw cookie dough? I used to as a kid when I didn’t know about salmonella.

Have you ever kicked a vending machine? No.

Don’t you hate it when the radio ruins good songs by playing them over and over? I don’t listen to the radio anymore, but yeah that was annoying.

Do you watch Trading Spaces? Nope.

How do you eat oreos? I twist ‘em and only eat the part with the creme and I dip it in coffee.

Have you ever stayed online for a very long time waiting for someone? Yeah.

Are you cocky? No.

Could you live without a computer? I’d really rather not.

Do you wear your shoes in the house? No.

Who or what sleeps with you? I have stuffed animals on my bed.

At what age did you find out that Santa wasn’t real? I think about 8.

What do you do when you’re sad? I’m always sad, so I just go about my day and do what I do.

Who would you call first if you won the lottery? My mom.

Last time you saw your best friend? Last night. I slept in super late today and she already had left for work when I got up.

Are you in high school? Ha, no.

What jewelry are you wearing? None.

Is anyone on your bad side now? No.

What’s the first thing you do when you get online? Tumblr.

Do you watch Grey’s Anatomy? No.

Would you wear a boy/girlfriends clothes? Sure.

Where do you work? I don’t.

What are you doing tomorrow? I’m answered this so many times.

Do you return your cart? My mom does.

Do you have a dishwasher? Yes.

What noise do you hear? The fan and my brother cooking.

Would you survive in prison? No.

Who is the youngest in your family? In my immediate family it’s my younger brother. In my extended it’s one of my 2nd cousins.

If all of your friends were going on a road trip, who would most likely overpack? Me.

What’s the last thing you purchased? Food.

Do your siblings ever pay for stuff for you? Yes.

What brand are your pants right now? *shrug*

Ever been to Georgia (the state)? I have, actually.

What irritates you most on the internet? Just some posts I see and comments made about certain things.

What brand is your digital camera? I use my phone for my camera.

Do you own expensive perfume/cologne? No.

Are you taking college classes right now? Nope.

Do you like sushi? No.

Do you get your hair cut every month? No. I haven’t had a haircut in like 2 years.

Do you go online everyday? Yep.

What makes someone a best friend? You just have a special connection.