#literally every class and lab!
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You ever have one of those professors where you're just like... how? How are you,, employed? Y'know, as an instructor. A teacher. Someone who is supposed to teach. How did you get here because, in the least mean way I can possibly say it, so fucking bad at your job?
#don't get me wrong#I've had plenty of shit teachers and professors but Oh My God#she is making my life living hell#she's a seemingly bright and cheery and nice person#but she's a nightmare instructor#she does not teach#she gives us an impossible amount of work to do all by ourselves throughout the week#she has labs that are half written and are too complex to fit within the lab time#she holds us after lecture to continue talking about stuff that has Nothing to do with the content of the class#literally every class and lab!#she makes us take THREE#I REPEAT T H R E E#quizzes every week#there are three smaller group projects throughout the term and one overarching large group project throughout the term#and she's the only fucking instructor my institution has hired for this class that is REQUIRED for nearly every degree#i'm exhausted by her#like#she's a nice person#but the way she teaches makes me wanna fucking die#anyway#i have homework to do (for her class 🙃 of course)#personal#thoughts#i have to complain about this everywhere apparently... to my friends... to other students... to tumblr... yeah. its bad and i apologize lol
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college … wasted on the youth (me)
#didnt help that 2/4 yrs was covid telezoom but man.. MANNN#forgetting how impossible it is to pursue rhe degree plan u actually want (advising hell) i feel like . theres just#so many diff things i want to learn now Knowing that im more solidified in my interests and who i am and what i would be interested in doing#and like.😭RGAAAAAQH TEARING MYHAIR OUTTT every other week i have a night where im sititng there like damn i couldve been sm1 completely dif#dgmw i still rly enjoy some of the upper div classes i Did take but what if i took x and liked it more or minored in y and it led me to z#bc i do feel rly set in where i am rn which . i DO ! like it but im never gna be in that environment where u have the flexibility to explore#ykwim . i wish i had taken physics and calc srsly . i always thought i hated that shit but i like it. i like it quite a lot actually😟#or more geology .. urrghh.. sprinkle in sme extra art history . no bc thats what actu pissed me off ab school#i rmbr wanting to dual major and they straight up told me no i cant . but then i was like maybe an arts major bio minor when i wanted to do#science illustration but sry we dont offer bio minor . ok bio major arh or studio art minor . no sry not enough open spots we rly only#reserve it for when we have extra openings post admission❤️#and then even late into sophomore year u would still be last in registration so all the cool classes would be closed#and then bc of covid half that shit was cancelled bc they couldnt transfer labs online (rip comparative vertebrate anatomy)#and then by senior yr an additional collection of classes were unavailable bc u dont have the prereqs bc the prereqs were cancelled during#covid and u dont have enough semesters left to actually take it . like it was gen such an awful experience so ik why i couldnt ever do what#i wanted but .😭 AND LIKE the classes i DID enjoy like genomics or molecular genetics were closed by registration and i had to email and beg#for access . thts crazy .literally crazy .#anyways . i think i want 2 start reading textbooks bc i think thats the closest ill get LMAOO#i remember seeing my coworker read a textbook for fun one time and idk why i just didnt understand why bc it seemed so dry but i Get it now#like yeah .. u knew what was up ..#sad too that like . i could theoretically audit a course but i Work..during the day .. so sad . so sad#guys wht if i just said yes to grad school (<the devil talking.dont agree)
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my teacher for weather and climate gave us a main textbook which is the one we reference and need to read throughout the course and then three EXTRA optional textbooks for supplemental learning, with varying levels of technicality for those interested, and in the links she provided every single one was available online for free (in the creative commons sense, not the piracy sense, since obv that could get a teacher in trouble) and i could kiss her on the mouth
#ramblings#my schedule hasnt settled yet and alas i dont think im gonna be able to keep this class this semester at least#but until then im still in the class and im ztealing every bit of knowledge i can#actually shes the second prof this semester who made their course text something free online#which is not a thing any of my teachers have ever done before?? my broke ass appreciates#im really bummed about needed to wait for this class because GEOGRAPHY. HYDROLOGY#also the geography department has a SANDBOX in the lab/study room???#and it has like. a progector over it which displays digital topographical contour lines????#and im INSANE about it. 10 year olf me eat your heart out#HOW DOES THE LIGHT KNOW THE ELEVATION#also if you hold your hand above the sand in the light it becomes a “cloud”#and digital water will pour down the hills and stuff its so fucking cool#and the lab tech straight up was like “theres no real reason for this thing its mostly for stress relief”#“if you want to come in here and literally just play with sand for and hour you absolutely can” he said#and i was like Bet#starting to wonder if i should make a tag specifically cor when im talking about my school stuff#lucien goes to school#there we go
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day 60
rehearsal again. feeling a bit more confident on some of the repertoire, and a lot of it's quite fun, but also i'm so so so tired and i want to have the time to practice before next rehearsal and i'm not sure i will
#100 days of practice#fletch plays cello#it's really not that bad. warning: sad rant in tags.#just like. you know. the adhd.#feeling obliged to be in the lab office 9ish to 5ish. assignments bc they had to do this to me in my research year. and of course i work#weekends. literally anything else would be easier. but as it is i've barely started lab work and i don't know what i'm doing and i hate#having classes and assignments and i have a meeting in uh 12hrs in which i'll learn if the uni will give me accommodations and i just. i'm#so tired. there's a few hundred dollars in the “spending account” i don't really use and like 90 bucks in the spending account i do use. bu#if i don't buy lunch then i don't eat lunch. and i need to eat lunch. and i'm so tired of staying up late and sleeping in late and#disappointing everyone. and it takes me an hour and a half to commute to uni every morning. and i'm so tired.#anyway hopefully the scholarship/prize money comes thru soon even tho i'll probably put that in savings bc i would feel bad spending it on#my lunch. and hopefully i can schedule equipment training this week and finally get into the meat of my project. and hopefully i can fix my#sleep schedule. haha. as if i've ever had a sleep schedule in my life. fuck.#it's 2am. life is actually not this bad when it's not 2am. i need to sleep but i can't get myself to.
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*Ezra voice* it's not enough that I need to keep up with tech advancements and security hacks mostly on my own through the space dark extranet because I can't trust Alliance R&D to keep up, it's not enough that I'm the best at fine-tuning the mako and fixing or hacking any tech we come across whether I was trained for it or not, it's not enough that I have a million programs on my omni-tool some of which I created myself to hack and disable weaponry more efficiently, no I also had to take bonus medic training because I'm one the only one actually expected to properly maintain their omni-tool so it can actually deploy medigel quickly and interface with hardsuit diagnostics. All Ashley has to do is shoot her damn guns like I can't do all that and shoot a gun too.
#Ezra might be insufferable if he were a sentinel.#“Don't tell her I said that or she'll kick my ass”#It's difficult to take the pure soldier class too seriously sometimes.#(Soldier actually has the first aid talent. Almost everyone has first aid actually so the Kaidan memes have always been funny to me.)#Engineer and Sentinel get the first aid cooldown bonuses and have medic available but N7s are canonically trained in first aid#for several species. So. The gameplay doesn't 100% reflect the canon facts. Partly why sequel games drop it. But I wanted to be funny.#“I should've just gotten a *real* degree and stayed in R&D” he says every so often.#(I don't know how the army works or whether or not mass effect's version of combat engineers would have “real” degrees#but Ezra is using that in a funny and not super literal way. Whatever he has isn't *real* enough to him.)#To Ezra a “Combat Engineer” is just a soldier who can do some fancy tricks with his omni-tool#Just competent enough to know he probably couldn't do Traynor's job. Maybe Greg's. Not as well as Tali might. Vexes him.#He's a great leader and Commander and special agent though is the thing. But sometimes he wishes he had Traynor's job.#(He literally helps out in the lab in me2 for tech upgrades. He has R&D experience basically. Again self-projection.)#A fun little bonus interaction for engineer in me2 that I love. Engineer ftw.
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work may have gotten even more mind numbingly boring since the summer started but at least i have an excuse to read batman comics 8 hours a day
#and when im not doing that i'm writing original and fan fiction on company time#or reading yuri tbh#blue talks#at this point every 3 days i might get asked to help someone log in#people looooove to say that summer is the golden time for research bc students dont have classes anymore#but i am NOT seeing evidence of that#literally no one is down here#they all need to stop doing things in their own labs and use the equipment down here so i have something interesting to do or help with
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been thinking abt spider-man a lot. i miss him.
#the hyphen is important#ngl every time i go to my chemistry class i just think What Would Peter Parker Do#it hasnt worked yet but it will eventually#like. im in chem lab#fucking around w titrations#over here like ‘omg im literally him’#im not good at chem yet but it fills me w joy#spiderman#peter parker
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As embarrassing as it is to say this... I genuinely think that if someone were to put organic chemistry in alchemical words... I would not be sitting at a 60-some% grade
#im SO stupid#its not even funny anymore#i genuinely think i might be the dumbest person on campus sometimes#idk how im a year from graduating#barely.#i have the amount of credits i need to graduate and the U likes to remind me what feels like daily#i just need like... 7 classes to fulfill both my major and my minor#but because all my poor person scholarships and grants or whatever need me to be a full time student#i have to dick around half the time because it comes out to me having relatively light class loads#just like this semester tbh#a freshman year of taking the maximum amount of credits before you must do an appeals process#and a sophomore year of taking three labs at once + a psych lab class#AND SUMMER CLASSES EVERY SUMMER#just means that ur junior and senior years are fairly easy#last semester was just fun class wise NOT anything else wise#this semester was theoretically easy but im stupid and want to hang myself in the last month#mext semester is just gonna be bone nausea because i have my senior sem#so next spring i fear senioritis will hit HARD because outside of the like... 2 or 3 classes i NEED to have... ill have literally nothing#to keep me tied to campus. because all the ppl who used to ve my friends will have graduated by then and my sem will be done so#huh. how did i get from alchemy to this?#adhd is a bitch huh#but yeah case closed i just showed how DUMB i am#methinks
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now this man is telling me he can’t find his other mcu
#problems we wouldn’t fucking have if you had met up with me like planned! <3#personal#the engineering chronicles#this is exhausting i got No Sleep last night i snatched a Very shaky two hours of rest in the afternoon i already did the entire first#part of this lab and started this second part i tried making this work for the both of us and you’re telling me it’s not even possible for#you to put an ounce of effort into it now#but ohh he’ll work on the report. which is code for he’ll put in one image of a schematic disappear for hours come back to write a message#that he’ll finish this in the morning and then text me an hour before lab asking me to do what he committed to#sorry i am just. MMRGDBGL#this is not a class i can afford to lose points in!! i do well on the labs and that is literally all i have going for me there’s no hw to#bolster my grade there’s just quizzes and exams and i bomb every one of them
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I HAVE BEEN SITTING IN THIS ROOM CREATING MAPS FOR THE LAST THREE HOURS AND FORTY FIVE MINUTES. PLEASE ALL I WANT NOW IS DINNER AND A SHOWER
#it’s my geographic info systems class#the class is 6 to 845pm every wednesday#and like usually it’s boring but tolerable#but today was so evil for some reason???#like i’m muddy and cold from lab (crayfish hunting in the river)#and i haven’t eaten since 130#i went early (530) and literally didn’t leave until 915
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man. so the engineering department at my school (which i am a part of) has put soooo much money into buildings and equipment in the last 10 years and i literally don't have a single class on that side of campus
#literally ALL of my classes are in the same building#and it is NOT on the engineering side#and i am in almost entirely upper division courses#ugh#i'm just remembering my last school#and every class at this point was held in a computer lab#with really good machines#now i'm at a school that technically costs more to attend#and i'm in the building that is so old it [redacted]#and i have to provide my own equipment#lea speaks#i'm gonna write an op ed for the local paper on the difference btwn the schools lmao
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i have a b in precalc and i'm scared i won't be able to get it back up in time. she weighs her grades so the tests are most of your quarter grade and then she makes every test like 20 points max and all the quizzes half of that. and she doesn't even give tests and quizzes out super often. and she doesn't do any other assignments like ever only homework which she only puts in at the end of the quarter and it's weighted way less. and she's not even good at teaching
#i hate weighted grades. just get better at math and assign things appropriate corresponding point values#my bio teacher is worse the only grades in her class ever period are standards checks which are out of 4 points each o(-(#we have checks every week and she weighs them so a 3 is a 90% not 75 and 2s are 75 i think but it's still kind of terrible. just be normal#and she literally doesn't teach either she does a flipped classroom thing so we have to learn everything ourselves and in class she just#gives us labs and assignments that don't make sense and worksheets we never go over. thanks for nothing
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when i was in high school one of my classes lost bathroom privileges and if we wanted to go to the bathroom the teacher had to call whoever was on hal monitor duty to come down and walk the student to the bathroom to make sure they were actually going to the bathroom
it was so annoying because it took away from learning time
like we're already fighting so much just to keep the attention when students go to the bathroom they're gone for like 10+ minutes
#there was one student who literally went to the bathroom every time my class met and would be there for like 30 minutes#and then didn't get why she was missing so much material and labs
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...
#hmm its been an interesting week i suppose#very busy in a good way. but that is always how it starts. i make myself so busy and it feels good and then i wobble and fall out of my body#so im feeling wary. also bc ive been under sleeping more than ususal but im not really tired but im also not boiling out of my skin with#energy. i just feel ok. so thats good. but also a demon in the back of my head is always like: then stay up all night. lets see how far we#can push this. which is not good. and in fact ive been proscribed like basically emergency mood stablizers to knock me out if i start like#losing my mind and not sleeping lol. bc i dont wanna b getting ready for something big and like completely unavailable to control my#ability to think. and ive also been proscribed birth control to get a handke on my fucked up hormones. so we'll see if that makes things#less all over the place. hopefully it works bc im so busy i kinda dont have time to like freak thr fuck out#but i am a lil apprehensive bc like i can count on my hormones to make me feel things when a lot of the time i dont have much emotional#range. so its like fuck finally i can cry abt this. or like fuck this is so beautiful. but then i also cant function sometimes#so i guess i just gotta see what happens. sigh. also the typical frustrating in having to read so much. like ppl hear im dyslexic and r like#oh do u want accommodation? like literally wtf r u gonna do to help me as a grad student? it just takes an agonizing amount of time to#understand thing. i have my computer read to me and i suffer. theres literally nothing else to b done abt it. and fucking next week i have#to teach a fucking lab abt reading scientific papers. they have to read a paper in class. fuck off. those r the types of exercises that make#me feel so fucking stupid. like do this thing right now. read it right here and answer questions abt it. and i fucking read it and retain#fucking nothing. im fucking 26 and literally in my grant writing class i have to apologize to every person before i give them feedback like#lol sorry i can barely fucking read. i fucking cant understand language. its fine but it sucks. theres nothing to do abt it. it just makes#me mad i have to teach a class that would have made me cry as an undergrad. so ill prob hold their hands thru it more than the other TAs#will. bc fuck u im not making them read a whole fucking paper in class. fuck u#plus the frustration of not being able to express myself well in thr moments. like theres a delay in my brain so i feel so dumb when im#trying to convey myself off the top of my head. like give me time and ill write it all out for u i just cant actually process wtf ur saying#to me. also i probably spaced out for a sec so i missed part of the convo lol. frustrating but at this point its just how it is. it makes me#more empathetic when i have to teach i guess. like listen ive got all kinds of fucking learning probs i just wanna help u learn something#how can i help? fucking dyslexia. god. i dont wanna prep for class this weekend. ive gotta show up like yea i kno reading papers is hard at#first but it gets easier! fuck u. its worth the suffering if i enjoy to topic but its always suffering. but thats what i get for going into#academia. thr dr who proscribed me stuff was like well sounds like u have a stress trigger and ur a phd student where life is stress... u#gotta figure out whats gonna work for u. sometimes thats a career change. not in like a pushy way just like: if what u do makes u suffer#then wtf r u doing? and hes got a point. but in contrast to what i was doing this is a massive improvement#well see if its manageable. ugh. i just wanna draw#unrelated
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Planning out my outfit for my concert shit. I think I've got good pants for it, maybe got shoes for it. Gonna look for a blouse tomorrow + possibly some new shoes. Bc the maybe-shoes are those shoes I got for the suit that I HATE. They gave me such terrible blisters. And I think the pants I have would look better with some kind of heel. But if I don't find anything good I can just use those flats. And for the blouse, it's gotta be black and long sleeve and also have enough flexibility to not restrict my playing. Flexible Clothes. All the better to play a funky little tune in.
On top of that tho I've got several assignments I gotta do this week. Gotta make a wireframe prototype for my web app for web programming class. Tonight, really. Bc the official thing is due Sunday but I gotta get it reviewed by classmate(s) (and also review someone else's, too), so better to have that done sooner rather than later. There's also a lab for my C programming class due on Friday, which I need to have done before the end of lab so I can get it checked off. Gonna try to get most of it done tomorrow night, if not all of it, so that I can just go into lab and get it checked off and then LEAVE. Bc if I stay the full lab I will have less than an hour b4 I gotta be at the venue for sound check. And I really would prefer to have more time before that. Tbh the lab probably won't take TOO much work, since it's just using recursion to make a lil maze solver thing. Not too many lines of code, since the recursion does a lot of that. The tricky part is actually figuring out the logic for it properly. But I took good notes on it when my professor talked about it in class so MAYBE I didn't attend the last 2 labs and MAYBE I haven't even started the thing. But it's ok. Fuck it we ball. And ON TOP OF THAT... the assignments, the orchestra prep, etc... I also wanna clean my apartment some, probably on Friday morning, bc nonzero chance of visitors after the concert. Not for long if they do come in. But Still.... #Embarrassed. It's not as bad as it was b4 bc thankfully I did manage to do my dishes. But there's still some things I should get cleaned up.
AND THEN...!!!!!!!!!!
Well I mentioned the prototype thing. I gotta review someone else's prototype, and I also need to update my own prototype depending on what people say about mine. Tbh I'm kinda planning on doing a lower-effort version to start with (instead of trying to make it perfect from the start) so that it'll hopefully be easier to adjust the prototype to whatever the advice is & make it seem like an actual improvement. There's also a presentation over this thing, which thankfully I'm presenting on... Wednesday, I think? But I gotta have the slides submitted I Think Sunday night (when the prototype itself is due). So I gotta prep the presentation alongside prepping the prototype. AND I have a lab for this same class due on Sunday too, so I'm a busy bee!!
And ON TOP OF ALL THAT, I have a midterm exam in-class on Wednesday for my C programming class (same day as the web programming presentation, ugh 🙄), a presentation for my quality engineering in IT class on Thursday (over ISO 9001 quality standard), AND a paper for that presentation's content due on..Friday, I think? It's a group presentation/paper, same group I worked with last time, which Thankfully they can pull their own weight. It's just more to do lol.
God. I'm being worked to the bone, actually. Feels like everything is happening all at once. But then I remember that it's midterms time and I have spring break the week after next. And I'm like. OK, that makes sense.
Just gotta survive the next week and a half... lol...
#speculation nation#HOW DID A POST ABOUT ALL THE THINGS I GOTTA DO IN A WEEK AND A HALF END UP THIS LONG.......#well the good news is that bowling class is gonna do more fun practice things next week#so maybe i have a million and one things to do. but i will have fun things too!!!#anyways this means that i really cant slack on doing my work anymore. i keep putting things off.#but with this many things? every day has a Requirement and i Cannot afford to push any of them off to the next day.#id still find a way to do them but i'd risk losing sleep by that point. which i really would prefer to avoid.#especially tomorrow night. which is the night im most worried about turning into a sleep deprivation night.#if i cant finish that lab fast enough. bc that lab HAS to be at least mostly done before 2 pm on friday. it HAS to be.#and by god id fuckin do it. but with my concert being on Friday?? no time for a nap in between???#i play worse when im tired. so the best thing i can do for friday's me for the concert is making sure im well-rested.#also gonna do some practicing tomorrow. a lil before rehearsal (if i have enough time after going to the store for clothes)#and maybe some After too. depending on if theres anything i mess up enough during rehearsal.#but yeah so to make sure i dont have to stay up too late tomorrow i Need to do this prototype tonight.#even tho i reaaaaaally dont want to 😭😭😭😭#i got frozen like a popsicle on my way home from class today. biking in 28F windchill while raining. brr.#i was actually planning on going clothes shopping tonight. but after that? i didnt wanna go back outside lol#just went scrounging to see what clothes i already have. which the pants are old-ish but theyve barely been used#and theyre nicely flexible (which is good bc i tend to play my violin with my knees open. more room for bow movement.)#theyre a lil dusty and a lil wrinkled but i wanna do another load of laundry tomorrow evening regardless. so it works out fine.#spent my whole shower after getting home today thinking and planning out how im gonna make all this work.#not much wiggle room but it SHOULD be fine. so long as i dont act like a dumbass.#as that vash meme says: Can You Stop Fucking Around?#i will honor it. 🫡 i will. fuckinnnn manage-kit web app prototype Here i come#(stupid thing is titled manage-kit. or ManageKit? idk yet. it's a manager assistant thing. in theory.)#(i forgot about the project proposal thing until literally the last half hour b4 it was due. so i fell back on prior experience.)#(a little tool to make store management easier! my professor liked the idea at least 😂😂)
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semester ends in a week and a half its time to get Serious
#<3#if i ever have a class with my chemistry teacher again i'll literally explode i think#there's like!!! four new assignments#we just did the final lab this week and we just got the final assignment AND we started a whole new unit???#so there's gonna be a test on the last day of the semester.#we havent even gotten all the assignments yet there's like two more for the new unit!!!#i just feel like we could've managed our time better here is all.....#every other class is perfectly fine though
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