#literally have not made anything for my thesis since may

[chemigram]

studio visit today with an artist i think is amazing and im so mf nervous

[vidalinav]

She wants the (Ph)D

Look I debated giving you a taste of another fanfic I'm writing... because it is a little too close to home. In that it is literally my life for the last two years. But I'm taking creative liberty and mixing it up, and it gives me slight second hand embarrassment. It's a fic like Stu(died) but in graduate school and Cassian wears glasses sometimes in this fic. So it's not as innocent. It's quite... well you'll see. Don't judge me too harshly because I swear to god I'm fucking stupid.

~

Her next door neighbor is a meathead or at least that's what Nesta tells Emerie when she rants about the party he'd thrown last night that kept her up until 3 am.

He's a meathead who disobeys the unspoken social rules that they've set all those months ago.

"You mean the rules you made up when you moved in, which no one knows about but you?"

Nesta waves the information away, with a flick of her wrist. "He's obeyed them all this time, so I don't know why he suddenly wants to party. Why couldn't he stay a friendless loser who never invites anyone over?"

Emerie snorts, pulling out her laptop. She's about to start working and Nesta knows she should be doing that too and finishing up the PowerPoint of her proposal, but how can she when she's tired from staying up all night instead of sleeping like a normal person? 3 am and she listens to boys yelling and their tasteless music and their loud laughs as if there's anything to be laughing about at 3 am.

"A rager has gotta be better than hearing him go at it through the walls."

"No! That was better," Nesta decides, grimacing at the countless memories that accost her mind of the girlfriend who just wouldn't leave. "At least that only lasted for five minutes."

Emerie laughs at that, already knowing the stories that have plagued their work sessions. It may not be his fault that the walls are thin, but it is his fault for having sex the minute she gets home. They may share a wall where they sleep at night, but they do not share the same taste for propriety and proper neighborly ethics.

"You know, you know too much about this guy when you don't even know his name."

Nesta huffs, "I think his name is Cassian. I heard his roomate yell it out in the yard when he came back last week."

"Cassian," Emerie says, humming like she's considering the quality of his name. "It's not the name I would have thought of for a meathead who only lasts five minutes."

"Did I also tell you he's a gymbro? That rat! With a perfect fuckboy face."

Emerie lifts the screen of her laptop and stops, "Perfect?"

Nesta merely shrugs because she's not blind.

She's also not stupid.

"He's perfectly irritating and I wish him total demise. I think his girlfriend broke up with him—which is about time since they argued twice a week—and on a regular day that would suffice, but now he's inconvenienced me and I want him dead."

"Mhmm," Emerie nods, smirking where she sits across, "and he's got such a perfect fuckboy face."

Nesta scowls, but doesn't move to get her laptop or change the topic of conversation. Emerie only gives Nesta an assessing look. "You don't even go to sleep. You'd have still been up at 5 editing your thesis."

"And I couldn't because I was too distracted by the sound of their partying. Who parties on a fucking tuesday?"

~

The difference between this and Stu(died) is that Nesta actually has a crush on him and goes through great lengths (ignoring him) to get his attention.

[cardentist]

do you think that behemo's characterization in ec is transmisogynistic? he plays an important role, and the dynamic between him and levia is really interesting, but the barisol's child song has always made me a tad uncomfortable, since it plays into the violent crossdresser stereotype.

@thecyancat well !

firstly I want to say that everyone is entitled to how they feel about it, so I can't speak for anyone else. I don't want to say that nobody is Allowed to be uncomfortable with behemo's portrayal.

but ! I will say that I'm actually quite surprised to hear that! for a few reasons.

1: within the context of the song by itself (both in complete isolation and before we got further context about them later on in the series) behemo and levia are held up as The Same. they're alternate versions of the same person, one cis and one trans, and they're Both presented to potentially have violent tendencies. moreover, this impulse isn't Unique to them. it's directly connected to the disease Malice/HERs within the song, something that we're told affects Many Many people. (and something that we see affect many Characters throughout the story).

so even Just within the song itself, behemo is not singled out in his behavior at all. not between himself and levia, and not between him and other people.

2: we Do learn more about levia and behemo, and as we do we realize that we were Intentionally mislead about behemo. not that behemo is a perfectly moral character, but rather that while Levia wanted to destroy the world, Behemo had been explicitly trying to save it. to preserve all of humanity in the face of the literal end of the world, Three Times Over. there is no perfect character in evillious, everyone is a messy person. but behemo Tangibly caused a massive amount of good and had been actively trying to do so throughout the entire series. none of the characters would be alive without behemo.

"the transgender god is almost solely responsible for saving all of humanity" doesn't sound like a very transmisogynistic trope to me.

3: the events of the song are Intentionally ambiguous. we were lead to believe that behemo may have hurt someone in the song, because at the time we were supposed to see both him and levia as villains. but neither of them were in the end. and What, exactly, happened is left ambiguous.

that doesn't mean that I rule out that he might've hurt someone, but rather that what we learn about him as a person and his motivations as a character contradict it.

4: even if behemo Had turned out to be an unambiguously evil character, behemo isn't the only trans woman in the story. we Have another trans woman character who is Also central to the narrative, has been a major character longer than behemo has, and is an unambiguously good person. she even became a god herself and Also helped to save the world.

mothy has a tendency to make trans women lesbian goddesses.

5: and even if THAT hadn't been the case, behemo was introduced to a series absolutely full of violence. one of the very first songs has a character commit genocide out of jealousy, whereas behemo was only ever implied to have potentially murdered one person.

which circles back around to my original point, behemo wouldn't have been singled out as uniquely violent for being a trans person when he hasn't done anything worse than what the cis characters have done.

6: personally I actually really enjoy barisol's child, as it feels To Me like it's a story about being isolated for being different. we're Meant To Sympathize with behemo. which really resonated with me as a trans teenager when it came out.

evillious features that theme a lot, people lashing out because they themselves have been isolated hurt and othered. and it doesn't Excuse the behavior, but rather ties into the thesis statement of evillious, that is people are not inherently evil.

7: I do also think the popular video for the song has a translation that's a little skewed. I wouldn't say that it's Wrong necessarily, but it was based on a much older translation than what @pricechecktranslations has available, and was made with the Assumption that behemo was indeed a villain. so the wording is more awkward in places than it would be if, say, I made a subtitled video now.

[your-queer-dad]

Hi, Papa, this is my first ask, I just felt that I needed someone bigger to hear me (not going to say older because most parents don't like that lol). I don't really know what I'm doing, so I think I'll (kinda) introduce myself first, I think it feels right. I'm from Latinoamérica, as in I was born and still live there (so that's why I may have some mistakes writing 😅, I literally learnt english from tv and YouTube lol), and I am currently studing college, but the thing is, here as in many other countries in southamerica, not everyone has like a real chance to study, so none of my parents went to college, and neither any of my siblings or grandparents, so I feel kind of alone in this sometimes, because I can never tell any of them about my experience without being told that since I'm not working my life isn't as complicated as it could be, in this years my siblings, who are just working had told me that I'm dumb for doing this since I decided to study something I wanted, that happens to be a career that isn't popular so I might end working on anything else, and like yeah, I get it, being from a low class and having the oportunity to study I maybe should've choosed something like medicine or law, but I was 17 when I made the choice and I just wanted to be happy, you know? Now I'm in process of writing my thesis and I have to do my social service? I don't know if that's a thing in other places, and the thing is, that I, as an autistic Person find the process really stressing, and I have no idea what to do, like I kind of know, but the people who gives that information sometimes gets frustrated with people and once the process it's like actually started you have to go with some dude that treats you like shit as my friends who decided to do service before practices, and also you have to make some reports that look really confusing, and my friends say that sometimes they tell you that they're wrong and you have to figure out the reason, that can go from color of ink to a date and others, so that's just really stressful, and I wish I could talk about this things with someone who knows what I'm talking about, because it's not the same with friends, we just laugh at how dumb this is, but at the end of the day they still have their parents who know how's college and what writing a thesis means, and who they can ask things, but I don't and I feel alone and stupid for being scared at doing what it's basically just paperwork for starting my service, but I am, and I am afraid to make mistakes because as long as I want this oportunity and will try to do my best, I don't know anything about the things they will, in theory, show me how to use, so I am kind of in an autistic crisis because I know I should start the process but I, for some reason, don't so that just makes me feel more stupid and gives me more stress, and I don't know. Like I know in general what should I do, but at the same time not, and since I'm taking so much time to do this I feel that I'm going to get rejected when I finally do it.

Maybe this is to caotic and bad written so it's okay if you don't answer. However, thank you for having your asks open. Have a good day! 💖

Hey kiddo!! It's okay, it's really nice to meet you and thank you for telling me about what's going on! I'm really proud of you for pursuing the path you want to and I'm really sorry that people have reacted that way. I think you're doing a really good job and I'm really proud of you.

- dad x

[chenfordspiral]

A Chenford Thesis on 5x12

Hello hello, I’m back with another Chenford ‘thesis’, or whatever we wanna call these things! This time, 5x12 will be taken apart as I try to analyze every little detail that I’ve noticed during my approximately 936481 rewatches. 

Be warned. I thought my essay for 5x08 was long. But this one has taken the cake. And I seriously have no idea when or how the f*** that happened. Anyway, if you’re interested and willing to sacrifice some of your time, enjoy the next... no. I better don't say how long this actually is...

Let’s start this whole thing with the episode's cold open.

I love how Tim has always been the one to open doors and let Lucy walk in, or out, first. As early as 1x03, he’s been the one to hold the doors open. And did you catch Lucy’s excited look after she says “I love your music” to Kelly Clarkson? She’s looking toward Tim, wanting to share her excitement with him. Because he’s the one she wants to enjoy and share everything with. 

I don’t know why these two little details make me so giddy and wanna squeal with joy, but they do. 

I’m just so completely gone for them at this point. 

I’m barely ten sentences in, and I’m already struggling to keep writing because I can’t stop my little happy dance.

This is gonna be great.  

We jump to the next (?) morning, and see Tamara doing yoga in her and Lucy’s apartment. I’m so glad she’s finally back. I’ve been wondering where in the world she’s been since we last saw her in 5x03. 

Lucy comes out of her bedroom, surprising Tamara a bit: “You’re here,” to which Lucy responds sarcastically “I live here.” But then Tamara lets her, and all of us, know why she’s surprised. “I went to bed at one and you still weren’t home.” “Oh, I came home around then. I must have just missed you. Trivia went late.” “And how was trivia?” 

Yeah, we can all tell by the way she asks that she knows that Lucy’s lying to her. We don’t know what happened the night before, but Tamara definitely knows that trivia is not where Lucy was. This is shaping up to become an interesting conversation between these two honorary sisters. 

Lucy has a whole cover story already planned, like she did the episode before when Nolan asked her and Tim what they did the night before (not that he was asking them about their plans together, he was just making conversation). “Amazing. I came up with this obscure fact about Josephine Baker so I’m feeling pretty good about myself.” This actually sounds believable, right? If it weren’t for the way Tamara asked before, I’d totally buy that story. But Tamara knows better than me. 

“You are such a smooth liar. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. All that undercover training.” 

Oh, Lucy. You’re being called out here. Tamara knows you well enough to spot your lies at this point. But, as always, Lucy denies. “I’m not lying.” But her little sister ain’t letting her off the hook here. She needs confirmation. And she needs Lucy to know that she knows. Whatever that may be. 

“I saw Tim drop you off.” Busted. No point in hiding it anymore, Lucy. 

And can I just briefly say how happy it makes me that Tamara is the first person to officially know they’re dating? Yes, I suspect that Genny knows, too. But we never saw that. Tamara is the first person whose reaction we’ve seen on screen. These two have started out as a rookie and her ‘puppy’ and are now roomies/besties/sisters – simply put: family. It’s so wonderful to see how far they’ve come.

Lucy realizes that there’s no way she can deny anything here anymore. Which means that something must have happened that made it perfectly clear to Tamara that it wasn’t just a friendly get together between two friends, but that they’re actually together together now. No, I’m totally not imagining them making out like teenagers in his truck. Nope. Not at all.

Lucy lets her bag fall to the floor unceremoniously, almost literally dropping the weight that’s been on her shoulders because she’s been keeping her relationship with Tim a secret. Finally, there’s at least one person she can share this with. “Urgh. Thank god! I am so over coming up with cover stories.” Yeah, I’d be, too. 

She quickly moves around the couch to sit down on it in front of Tamara as she says it. And that girl needs details. “Ok, why the big secret? You’re both single.” Well, technically they’re not. Not anymore, at least. Lucy was single for all of three minutes before Tim asked her out. But Tamara’s asking what we’re all wondering. Why are you still hiding this? Yes, we have the job issue, but that could be taken care of so you could be together officially. What’s holding you back?

“I mean, we’re just keeping it under wraps until we figure things out.” Okay. That makes sense. Neither one of them is ready to face those professional changes yet, are they? Because it’s such a big part of who they are. Working together is how they met. How they got to know each other. It’s where they fell in love with each other. It’s hard having to let that go. 

But they will have to, eventually. Nope, I don’t think I’m liking this any more than they are. Because it’s how we fell in love with these two, as well. Side by side, riding together in the shop. Okay, they haven’t done that regularly for quite some time, but still. 

And Tamara catches on remarkably quickly. So she lets it be and switches topics. Ish. “Well, if you ever need me to, uh, clear out for the night, you know, play my music real loud, just let me know.” Ooh, did she really just go there? Wow. These two must be as close as we all think they are for her to be comfortable enough to talk about this kind of thing. 

Lucy’s trying to hide her laugh by pressing her lips together because she did not expect that from her little sis. “We’re not sleeping together.” Now that’s got Tamara intrigued. And confused. Look at her reaction. She can’t think of any reason why these two would not have slept together at this point. She clearly was not expecting that. “Why not?”

Lucy takes a moment before she answers. “We’re… taking it slow. We wanna do this right.” There we have it. She wants to make sure she doesn’t screw anything up. Not that sleeping together would do that. But she wants to just be with him before going any further. And again, I admire her for that. And she says we. Because she knows that they’re in this together. And that Tim respects her choices and wishes. 

“So, you’re not sure how you feel?” Again, Tamara can’t really come up with any reason as to why they haven’t done it yet other than this. Because that would explain why they’re holding off on that. She doesn’t know how long they’ve been together, but she knows that it’s weird for Lucy not to have slept with him yet. And they’re both adults, right? 

“No, I know exactly how I feel. I mean, this is the most amazing relationship I’ve been in since… ever.” Wow. It’s only been a few weeks, they haven’t even taken each other’s clothes of, and yet, she knows this is the most amazing relationship she’s ever had. Yup, girl is in love. And I couldn’t be happier with that knowledge. Because it’s so amazing to hear her say that out loud. But it’s just making Tamara wonder even more. 

“Okay, and you’re waiting why, again?” Yeah Lucy, why are you waiting? Well, we kind of know why. She and Tim still haven’t talked about the obvious elephant in the room: he’s her boss. They can’t actually be together because the LAPD doesn’t allow it. But she considers Tamara’s point of view. ‘You know you love each other, you’re happy, why are you waiting?’

Which is what gives us one of the most unexpected little Chenford moments in TR history. Okay, that sounded dramatic, and it wasn’t even unexpected anymore when the episode actually aired, because we’d seen the sneak peek, but still – unexpected that it happened at all. Tim and Lucy greet each other in the parking lot before their shift, moving to walk side by side and falling into step. Both of them reach for the other. Tim ‘I hate public displays of affection’ Bradford can’t keep his hand to himself and taps her thigh while she brushes his hand with hers.

I can’t believe this moment actually happened. These two don’t care that they’re surrounded by a dozen cops who could’ve spotted their little flirty gestures. Also, they saw each other, what, a few hours before and yet, can’t keep their hands to themselves? Gosh, I love them. They’re so in love. 

I love that Tim is willing to display his affection. We barely saw any of that with his previous girlfriends, and definitely not in public. Him and Blondie Bitchface barely treated each other as if they were dating. It all just felt forced. But with Lucy, it’s natural. Because he adores her and wants to be close to her at all times. And look at that damn smile. Oh, our boy is so. Freaking. Happy. 

Lucy takes a moment to recollect herself before she lets Tim know: “Uhm, tonight is the night.” We all know this was coming thanks to the promo and sneak peek, but Tim definitely did not. He turns to look at her and furrows his brows. Something tells me that they must’ve had a moment or two where they were close to crossing that final line, but Lucy said not yet; not tonight. So he’s pleasantly surprised with where this conversation is going. “Really?”

And look at the way Lucy’s smiling at him before he asks. Yeah, she’s definitely enjoying being able to catch him off guard like this. “Yes, really,” she says in a tone of voice that has me going weak. And leaves no room for questioning. How is Tim supposed to say no to that? Look at that excited smile once he realizes that she means what he thinks she meant. And then he doesn’t miss a beat. Because he’s been ready for that for a while. 

“My place or yours? Jealous dog, or nosy roommate?” And, omg. I’m only now fully realizing the heavy side eye she gives him while he’s talking. Yup. She’s ready, too. But as the words register, she stops walking and lets him know that “Tamara knows.” Whoops. Tim ain’t looking too happy about it. “What? You told her?!” “No, she has eyes. I didn’t have to.”

Uhm, Lucy. Yes, that is true. But what about the all the other people in your lives? Do they not have eyes, too? Do you really think you’ve been keeping this from everybody? I am certain that some of the people they’re closest to have figured it out. Or suspect there’s something going on. Both Grey and Aaron have definitely seen the change. Aaron maybe even more so than anyone else because he’s been riding with both of them. He’s also the only person, aside from Tim, who knew that she wanted to break up with Assford.  

Lucy keeps talking. Yes, Tamara knows, “But, she is staying at her friends tonight, so.” Soooo, he can come over and they can do stuff. Somebody please tell these two to stop looking at each other all hot and bothered in front of the station. At this rate, everyone will know without either one of them needing to say a word. 

“Hey.” Oh, thank god. Or in this case, Grey. Watch how fast they snap out of their little bubble, put a foot of distance between them and turn toward Grey. They can try all they want, but he definitely saw them looking at each other. Oooh, if he didn’t suspect before, which he totally did, he definitely does now. “Coincidence, I was just gonna call you. Lopez needs Aaron’s help on a surveillance. So I was thinking, why don’t you two ride together today?” 

They share a quick look before answering. “Great.” “Yeah, whatever you need, sir.” 

Aaaand, more reason for Grey to suspect something’s happening between them. Remember how uncomfortable they were at the idea of having to ride together again in 5x08? And now they share one quick look and agree with no hesitation? Yeah, they’re really making this easy for him. 

Also, I’m convinced that Grey takes the opportunity here to hopefully make them realize that they need to talk about the work thing and eventually officially let him know. He’s let them be since he noticed the change in their relationship, but he’s still a professional. He can’t in good conscience let them work together like this for too much longer. He’s subtly trying to give them a nudge in the right direction.

Grey walks off, leaving Tim and Lucy standing in the parking lot.

“Mmmh, this is gonna be awkward.” I have to agree with Lucy here. Before, they were going into work thinking they’d just see each other at the end of shift. They could spend the entire day thinking about what’s gonna happen later that night, but it’d be fine because they’re not together all the time. Now, they have to spend the rest of the day in close proximity knowing what they wanna do later. That does sound a little awkward. 

They start walking toward the entrance, immediately gravitating toward each other again. They literally can’t stay apart from each other, it’s like they’re attached at the hip. And I just love how comfortable they are with that. 

Anyway. Tim disagrees with her. “Doesn’t have to be. We’ve ridden together hundreds of times.” “Never as a couple.” COUPLE! It is now in fact canon that one of them has referred to them as a couple. And Lucy’s the one saying it first! Nope, I’m not freaking out. 

But she has a point. This is different. 

“On the streets we won’t be.” Haha, Timothy. You keep telling yourself that you can completely separate professional and personal here. If you could, you two wouldn’t even be dating in the first place. “So, are you telling me that you’re not gonna be thinking about tonight?” (Does she say so or sir? I still don’t know.) And oh, now she’s the one holding the door open for him? How I love these two. He takes a beat before, very unconvincingly, answering “Not at all. Thank you.” 

Lucy looks at him as he walks inside. “Me neither,” she says as she proceeds to drop her gaze to check out his ass. Lucy, my girl. You’re very subtle. Don’t be shocked if half the station’s already suspecting you’re together. You’re already kind of acting as if everybody knows. How bad is this going to be once it’s actually official? 

Moving on. 

“I could tell Grey I got food poisoning.” Interesting. I love how much Lucy doesn’t want them to ride together today. But I have to wonder why. Is it more than just about what she’d planned for tonight? Or is it also a way of avoiding that talk they don’t seem to want to have yet? “Just to get out of riding with me?” Yup, Tim ain’t happy that she wants to get out of this. He likes spending time with her, no matter where it is. 

“Yeah. I mean, I get the day off. We avoid all this weirdness. Wins all around.” “You’re overthinking this. We leave our personal life at the door. Just like always.” Again, Timothy. If you had ever been able to do that with Lucy, you wouldn’t be dating. It’s been personal from day one. And it’s only gotten more personal since then. 

“Oh, and you can just shut it off? At 7:59, I’m your girlfriend.” His WHAT?! I’ll be honest. I squealed so loud that I feared I’d woken up one of my neighbors at two in the morning (hi to all my fellow Europeans out there). I was NOT expecting Lucy Chen, the woman who calls the guys she dates WIP rather than boyfriend, referring to herself as Tim’s girlfriend after a matter of weeks of being with him. 

Time and time again, she’s shown that this relationship with Tim is different to all her previous ones. And I love the progress here. She just wasn’t with the right person before. She tried to keep everyone at a distance as much as possible because she didn’t want to commit to anybody. Yes, she dated them, but that’s in part because it was fun to be with someone because at least she’d be with someone. 

But none of those relationships ever had a chance of lasting. The guys always seemed more invested than her. And the one guy we know that she actually referred to as her boyfriend is the one who cheated on her with her best friend. It’s hard to fully trust and commit to someone after that. Especially when you have Vanessa and Patrick Chen as your parents. 

But she’s found the one exception in Tim. So she’s perfectly happy to acknowledge their relationship for what it is. Because she trusts him. And she has faith in them to be able to make this work, no matter what. 

“At 8:01, I’m – I’m your what? Your subordinate?” “Yeah.” Tim looks very unimpressed. He can’t believe she doesn’t believe that he can separate the two. But Lucy knows better. “Really? Hmm.” She then proceeds to do this cute little pose as if she were asking ‘So how do I look? Notice anything?’ And oh, yup. Something seems a little off. But I couldn’t put my finger on it, either. “What?” asks Tim as he’s kind of mirroring her stance, totally oblivious. 

“My duty belt. My taser is on the wrong side. Normally you’d be all over me for something like this.” Oh, the taser, duh. Damn, I’m blind. Anyway. Lucy points it out: ‘normally.’ Because that’s what you’d kind of expect from Tim, right? On the job, he’s always been more of a hardass, especially while she was his rookie. Sure, he’s softened a bit toward her over time, but ultimately, he always made sure to let her know when she did something wrong. And not always in kind. 

So Lucy has a valid point. But we also know what he’s willing to do for the people he loves. We know what he almost did for Isabel. There’s no doubt he’d do the same for Lucy. 

“You did that on purpose?” “Mh-mh.” “You don’t do Tim Tests. I do Tim Tests.” “Well, that’s cause this isn’t a Tim Test. It’s a Lucy Lesson.” I cannot with these two. They really are two parts of one whole. Tim Tests, Lucy Lessons. What are they gonna put their future children through? Chenford Challenges? “And admit it. You are taking it easy on me. We’re not even on duty yet and our dynamic has changed.” 

And another little “Lucy arm touch”. Girl, your love is showing. And Tim is, again, less than impressed by what she has to say. He’s really not enjoying this and wants it to be over. “Get in the car.” “It’s called a shop.” Oh, the Lucy sass. I love it. Unlike Tim in this moment. He just stares at her and motions his finger for her to just get in the car. She smirks at him while she closes the trunk. 

I really should’ve seen what was coming from a mile away, but I didn’t.

When we next see them, they’re casually strolling down the sidewalk side by side, both holding to-go coffee cups in their hands. Lucy stops him with another little arm touch to get his attention. “Hey. So, you haven’t noticed?” I admit, I was expecting another ‘what?’ from Tim. But this time, he knew what she meant. “That you’re carrying your coffee in your gun hand? Of course I did. I just haven’t said anything because these Lucy Lessons are pointless.” 

Oh, Tim’s still a little grumpy about the whole thing. But at least he knew to expect another lesson. “You really don’t think you’re treating me differently?” I can answer this for Tim. No, he doesn’t. But he is, actually. We all remember 2x19, when he snapped at her for carrying the police tape in her gun hand instead of her left. His reaction now is the complete opposite. Tim, why are you denying this?

“You’re not a rookie. You wanna change up your duty belt, carry your coffee in your right hand, it’s up to you. You know. This isn’t about us. I’d give Thorsen the same leeway.” Would you though, Tim? No, she’s not a rookie anymore, and neither is Aaron. But that hasn’t stopped him from chastising them when they did something wrong, which would include keeping their gun hand free. So of course it is about them, Tim’s just in denial here. 

Why? Because Tim Bradford doesn’t like change. But he knows, deep down, that their work relationship has to change at some point in order for them to build a lasting personal and romantic relationship.  

And Lucy doesn’t believe him when he says it, either. She hums a very disbelieving mh-mh, definitely not buying it. I actually think it’s fascinating that Tim isn’t the one to consider the work issue, at all, as it seems. I always thought that they wouldn’t get together because Tim would never date a subordinate officer and break rules that way. I expected him to be like ‘Ok, no. We can’t do this. I want to, but we can’t’. 

I fully expected them to not get together until after they’d sorted out that problem. So now for Lucy to be the one to actually think about this and Tim being ignorant about it? Plot twist I did not see coming. But again, it makes sense, actually. Because Tim doesn’t like change.

They’re interrupted by a dispenser guy looking for help because another one, who we later learn is called Sergio, is threatening his business by parking his pot dispensary van basically in front of his store. I won’t go over this scene in detail, but will point out a few things. 

First, Tim just snatching the coffee cup out of Lucy’s hand to put aside. He’s always had a thing for snatching things out of her hand, and I don’t know why I enjoy that so much. But I’m glad the tradition continues. Second, they fall into an easy rhythm, working together seamlessly. And I don’t even have to point out the mirrored stances, do I? Third, their expressions when Sergio climbs into the van but can’t get away because he doesn’t have his keys. Perfection. And lastly, Tim’s “I don’t have time for this” as he grabs his radio. The whole scene is hilarious, but that last part always sends me. 

We jump to the station, where they’re processing Sergio. “Okay, so we are citing you out, which means we will not be talking your fingerprints or your mug shots as long as you promise to show up in court.” “Anything to get out of here.” Sergio grabs the bag after Lucy’s taken it out of the lockers and put it down in front of him. “Wait a minute. Where are my earrings?” “I put them in the bag.” “Sure you did. They’re a half carat each.” Only now is Tim looking up from his paperwork. Surely this guy isn’t insinuating that his girlfriend stole something, is he? 

“I didn’t take your earrings. I know they were in there.” “Must be a nice perk of the job. Pocket whatever catches your eye.” Oh, yeah. Tim’s a little pissed now. Look at the way he’s looking at Sergio. No one is allowed to accuse Lucy, of all people, of stealing. So he chimes in. “Sir, no one stole anything.” “This is robbery. Wait a minute. You had your gun – this is armed robbery.” Woah, woops. This guy ain’t holding back. 

“Ok, I’m sure your earrings will turn up and we’ll call you when we have them.” Is it just me or was Tim intentionally looking at Lucy for a few seconds while saying that as if to gauge her reaction? Like he was making sure that they’re on the same page and nothing was actually handled wrong? I don’t know, but while I was writing this, that look seemed a little calculating after staring at it for way too long. Or maybe it was just his way of saying ‘don’t worry, I got your back. You did nothing wrong’.

Guess I will never know. For now I’m a little undecided, but considering how the episode continues, it might’ve just been that reassuring ‘I got you’ look. 

Sergio is still pissed and demands a receipt, but Lucy tells him they don’t issue those. ”Look, it’s all in the police report. If you want to file a complaint, you can do so at the front desk on your way out.” He’s still grumpy when he leaves. Lucy turns back toward Tim: “I didn’t take the earrings.” “I know.” Ok, so maybe that look really was just a reassurance that he got her back, and I started reading too much into it while rewatching over and over again. Woopsie. Apologies for this little mess. Anyway.

“This stuff happens sometimes.” Look at you Tim. Totally defending your girl. But Lucy doesn’t like that. “No, it doesn’t. Not to me. God, I’ve been so focused on us. Did I screw up?” She looks at him a little pleadingly: ‘Tell me I didn’t make a mistake because I was the one too focused on us.’ And Tim doesn’t like that option, either. Because that would mean that he was part of the reason she screwed up. And that would be the worst thing for him. 

He doesn’t want her to fail in her job. Ever. But even less so if he thinks he was part of the problem or the catalyst for it. No, she would never blame him. And neither would any of us. But Tim is a master at blaming himself for things he’s not actually to blame for. So if Lucy did in fact screw up, he’d have to write her up. Because he’s the supervisor patrol sergeant, he takes care of these things. He’d be the reason she might get punished. 

And that just won’t do. 

Which is why they spend the next several minutes (hours?) looking for those earrings. But no luck. They can’t find them. Tim will literally not give up. “We’ll keep checking until we find them.” But Lucy reminds him that he needs to report it. “Wait. Okay, okay, okay, look. You need to file a memorandum with the chief. It’s protocol. I get it.” She seems perfectly content with the fact that he’ll have to do this. She’s not scared of what might happen to her. She just needs him to accept that he’ll have to report her soon. 

Tim’s not giving in though. “We’re not there yet.” “Well, how long can it wait?” “I have discretion with things like this. We find the earrings, no paperwork necessary.” ”But if we don’t, you need to report me to IA.” He’s staring at her with wide eyes and a slightly opened mouth, appalled at the idea of having to report her. So he thinks of one last possibility. “Maybe janitorial swept them up.” He stands up and walks off, leaving Lucy very confused and disbelieving that he would just not give up and report her. 

When Lucy comes home, we see Tamara packing a bag, ready to go to her friend’s house, leaving the place for Lucy and Tim. “Sorry! I meant to be outta here by now!” But there’s no Tim. Lucy acknowledges Tamara with a deep sigh, which makes her turn back around and look at her. “Don’t worry about it. We cancelled our date.” 

Can I just say how much I love the fact that these two are close enough for Lucy to just walk into Tamara’s room and make herself comfortable on her bed? They really have come so incredibly far. 

We can see that Tamara is a little surprised. “What happened?” “Well, Tim and I rode together today, and it really drove home all of the problems with dating your boss.” Oh, right to the point Lucy. But she’s right. There isn’t just one problem, there are several. Tim being her boss is number one. One of them, or both, losing focus and potentially making mistakes because they’re together is number two. Tim not wanting to report her when she makes mistakes is number three. Basically ignoring the fact that there are problems is number four. 

Yes, I’m looking at you, Timothy. 

And Tamara knows it, too. “It did seem tricky, but I didn’t wanna say anything.” Because they’re finally together. Because she doesn’t want to disrupt their happiness. Because she knows that they have to get there on their own and figure it out themselves. 

“Does that mean you guys are breaking up?” NO. Don’t even put that out there, please. These two have been through so much together, I’m sure they’ll figure it out. But I get why Tamara would immediately jump to worst case scenario. I don’t think she’s had a lot of good examples of healthy relationships in her life. Hell, even Lucy herself hasn’t exactly been a great example. Tamara saw her relationship with the WIP. 

But Lucy isn’t even entertaining that idea. “No. We’ll figure out how to make it work.” 

Look at her being totally content that they’ll figure it all out. Breaking up isn’t even an option for her. They’ve made it this far, no way is she giving up now. I’m glad we’re on the same page here, Lucy. Tamara is not fully convinced yet, though. “Great. How?” 

Again, I don’t blame her for being sceptic. She doesn’t know everything, but she knows enough to know that something’s gotta change for them at work. But given everything she knows about Lucy and her past relationships and semi-commitment, and everything she knows about Tim and him being a creature of habit (because everybody who’s known him for longer than a second knows that), it seems almost impossible to her at the moment to see how they could make it work. 

I was always very excited, if not a little scared, to see how they would handle the work issue whenever they decided to make Chenford canon. We didn’t know what to expect going into the episode, so this was kind of the point for me to really start being scared. Even though I had complete faith in Tim and Lucy to work it out together, because that ‘how’ just stuck with me, and TV shows have a tendency to make things more dramatic than they have to be. But given the relative drama-free way they made them canon, I really didn’t need to worry about this at all, did I?

Tamara opens the door sometime later, and we see Tim standing there, both hands in his pockets. Tamara turns around without saying anything to him, instead choosing to let Lucy know “Lucy, your boyfriend’s here!” 

Wow. Not only did we get Lucy calling them a couple and herself Tim’s girlfriend earlier, now we have someone referring to Tim as Lucy’s boyfriend. We just keep on winning with this episode, don’t we. But I cannot get over Tim’s reaction here. That tiny smile turns into a frown so fast. I’m cackling. 

I still don’t know how to fully interpret it, to be honest. Is he surprised to hear someone refer to him as Lucy’s boyfriend? Is he surprised with how easily she says it? Does he not want her to use that title? Okay, I think we can rule out that last one. But still, his expression is pure gold here. And I am choosing to believe it’s because it’s the first time he’s heard it; makes it all more real once you hear it from someone else. 

“Did she tell you I figured it out on my own? I’d make a great detective.” “I have no doubt.” I love how supportive he is of her here. Not only have Lucy and Tamara come a long way, but Tim and Tamara have as well. She went from simply being Lucy’s puppy to someone he genuinely cares for and supports. They’re already such a cute little family. 

Have I mentioned Tim just casually walking into the apartment without actually being invited in? No? Okay. Then I have now. Because he doesn’t need an invitation anymore, he’s always welcome in Lucy’s space now. And Tamara’s, too. He’s not an outsider looking in anymore. He finally gets to be a part of Lucy’s life the way he’s wanted for longer than he’s willing to admit. 

Lucy emerges from her bedroom. “Hey. I thought we cancelled.” “Uh, we didn’t.” “Oh.” So Tim was still expecting something tonight? Or did he just wanna talk about work and how to proceed with the earring situation? Either way, he just wants to spend more time with his girlfriend. Wow, we can actually say that now. This is still wild. 

Also, note how Lucy didn’t correct Tamara when she called Tim boyfriend. She always made sure everyone, including the guy she was dating, knew that they were not her boyfriend, even after they’d been together for a while. Calling herself his girlfriend, not correcting someone when they call Tim her boyfriend… Lucy, I love how much you love him. 

And oh. A Chenford hug! Can you see me melting? Look at the way she slides one hand over his shoulder to the side of his neck and the other over his chest. Look at the way he bends down toward her and just totally nuzzles into her neck, taking comfort in her arms. Definitely reminds me of 4x09. No, I am not crying again. 

And with Tamara right there next to them. They can finally show their affection for each other not just to each other but in front of someone else, and I love that they don’t shy away from it and are totally comfortable with it. 

There’s a few moments of awkward silence as they look at Tamara and she’s looking at them. She seems to sense that they need to be alone and talk, and excuses herself to her room, leaving them be. Tim starts explaining why he’s there. “Ok, listen. I– I’ve been going over things from today. What if someone found the earrings a-and assumed they belonged to a female officer, so they left them in the women’s locker room.” Okay, so earring situation it is. 

Also, first: I did not catch that look on Lucy’s face right before they switch angles after Tim says ‘today’ when I first watched the episode. She is enjoying something here. That is screaming smug and mischievous. We just don’t know why. Second: I know I mentioned how Tim is now welcome in Lucy’s space, but I just adore the way he feels comfortable enough to just walk around her apartment and sit down at the kitchen counter. Third: he’s clearly been at her place many times before this since they started dating. 

And lastly: he is still trying to find a way to not have to report Lucy. Damn, he really doesn’t want to have to do this. But Lucy knows that he can’t avoid it forever. 

“Yeah, I checked already. I mean, come on. Y-you have to report it now.” “I know.” Look at the way he keeps his eyes closed for that extra second before answering. He is not liking this. At all. Yes, he knows he has to do it, but he’s still hesitant. He doesn’t want to be the reason Lucy might have to face whatever consequences there are for being accused of stealing. “I mean, if it was Aaron, you would’ve reported him already.” 

“I know. But it’s not Aaron. I-It’s you.” And there we have it. The confirmation that Tim will follow his heart instead of his head when it comes to the people he loves. Really, when it comes to Lucy. Because over time she’s come to be more important than anything else. He’s finally found the right person, he’s not willing to risk anything because of his job. And remember, this is the same guy who laid into Lucy for not reporting him for suicidal ideation in 2x01. She was protecting him and all he did was get mad at her. But now he is the one trying to turn a blind eye and protect her. He really has come such a long way. Oh, the things love can do to a man. 

“And you can’t be subjective when it comes to me, right?” All he can do is shake his head. No, he really can’t. He wants to, but he can’t. Because Lucy is more important than following protocol, no matter how wrong it is from a professional point of view. And he knows it and doesn’t like it. We all know he would definitely report her eventually, because he has to. Lucy is his voice of reason and would never let him cover for her and her mistakes. 

Lucy hums a “Mh-hmm.” She totally knew it. “And thus endeth the Lucy Lesson.” Okay. Well played, Lucy. Well played. I should’ve, but I did not see this coming. At all. And Tim didn’t, either. “The what? The earrings were never missing?” I am dying at the way he said that ‘what’. He’s so exasperated but damn. Lucy is having the time of her life. Listen to her laughs. Once more, she got him. I hope they never change, because this is just another chapter of their awesome ‘prank war’.

“Nope. I set them aside and gave them back to Sergio after work.” “That’s evil. And impressive. And evil.” “I know, but – you weren’t facing the problem.” She is, once again, absolutely right. He wasn’t facing it. He was trying his best to ignore it. But they can’t ignore it for much longer. Even less so now that they know that he really can’t stay subjective with her. 

“Okay. Well, now I am. So what do we do?” We. Ever since they started dating, it’s been a we instead of an I. And I love that. Because they’re facing these problems together, not apart. They’ll find a way to work it all out together. They’ve finally made it here, there isn’t a world in which they won’t figure it out together. I love how absolutely sure they are with and of each other. And I appreciate TR for making them deal with this so maturely. There’s no unnecessary fighting or arguing. 

It's the next day, and Tim and Lucy are riding together again. They’re still brainstorming what to do about the work situation. “We only have two real options.” “Break up or one of leaves Mid-Wilshire.” Again, straight to the point. They both know there’s not many possibilities here. Well, two, to be exact, as Lucy points out and Tim fills in the gaps. It’s either this, or that. 

Lucy is quick to jump in. “It should be me.” Wow. Neither one of them entertained the idea of breaking up for even a fraction of a second. It was silently agreed that that was not an option. And I am losing it again. Because that speaks volumes. They danced around each other for so long, hid their true feelings from each other for months before taking the leap, but it’s only taken a few weeks of dating for them to be absolutely confident in their relationship and sure of their commitment to each other.

Lucy doesn’t even blink before offering to be the one to leave. She’s willing to change something professionally? Humongous. Because we’ve never seen Lucy so committed to anyone before. And I love that for her. And for Tim. 

But Tim doesn’t like that idea. “No. No, you love it here.” “No, I do, but –“ Lucy knows that Tim’s a creature of habit who needs stability. She knows how much he loves patrol. She doesn’t want him to compromise that for her and their relationship. “There isn’t an open sergeant supervisor job anywhere else in the division. I checked. Which means you would have to take a demotion, and that’s not happening. So…” 

So, she’s thought this through. She looked up available options and saw that there wasn’t anything that would be fitting for Tim (does that mean she also knows about the position Grey offers Tim later?). So she offers to be the one to transfer, even though she knows that means she’ll have to prove herself all over again. 

But it’s the lesser evil for her because she can easily go to a different station as a P2, but he can’t just transfer anywhere because there’d have to be an available supervisor position for him first for her to be okay with that. 

“Lucy, I –“ He doesn’t look happy at the thought of her leaving Mid-Wilshire. Because he doesn’t want the burden to fall on her. But Lucy’s quick to stop him. “No, it’ll be fine. Rookies leave their first station after making P2 all the time.” She doesn’t sound thrilled at the prospect either, but she knows that that’s the only way they can be together without hiding and without him having to take a demotion. 

“That’s true.” He might be agreeing with her here, but he’s still not loving the idea of her leaving. She looks over at him. “So. This is the best move, right?” She’s actively turning her attention toward him because she’s not just making this decision on her own. She wants his input because his opinion matters. This isn’t just about her, it’s about both of them, so they’re both included in the decision-making process. 

“Maybe. But we don’t have to decide right now.” Oh, he still doesn’t want to face it, does he? But the look toward her after she turns her gaze back forward? Wow. That basically screams, “Oh, she would actually do this for us.” He’s not expecting to be more important than her job and be put first. Because in his previous relationships, he had to be the one to make all the sacrifices, no debate. 

But Lucy’s willing to be the one to sacrifice something. She knows he doesn’t like doing things he doesn’t want to. She knows he doesn’t like change. So she doesn’t even ask him to be the one to go. As much as he’s not expecting to be put ahead of anything else, she’s not expecting him to want to change something professionally, either. But maybe he would make an exception here. Because Lucy has always been different. But we’ll see.  

And again. They’re having a conversation about their relationship in front of a billion cameras. They know these shop cams are there, right? Do they not care who reviews the footage and hears their conversations? For two people who still haven’t made their relationship public, they don’t seem to be worried about that at all. (And yes, I know. This is how the show works. Where else could they have this conversation while they’re working if not in the shop or with their body cams on? But if we pretended this was real life, they’d probably have been found out a while ago.)

They hear the call from Nolan about the hostage situation with the doctor’s family. I don’t have much to say about this entire sequence except for: they’re total badasses and work together seamlessly – still. They’ve built a professional trust over the years that is hard to break. They might have started as rookie and TO, but somewhere along the way – ignoring the romantic part of it all – they’ve learned to trust each other implicitly and became partners on the job. 

But who knows how long that would work while they’re dating. We already saw a glimpse of what Tim is willing to do for Lucy with the earring situation. So that change needs to happen before something significant can even happen on duty. 

After their shift, they’re in the parking lot again. This time, they’re standing at the back of the shop, ready to unload. Tim’s opening the trunk when he tells Lucy “Nice work today.” She’s a little surprised at the compliment, but not nearly as much as she used to be, like in 4x03 after her failed attempt to prank Tim with the booties again. Why? Because getting a compliment or a ‘good job’ from Tim is not an everyday occurrence. But he’s gotten much better with it, especially with her. 

She smiles. “You, too. It’s not a bad way to end our partnership. Saving a family.” “Yeah,” he responds as Lucy picks lint off his uniform. Married, much? They’ve been together for a matter of weeks, and they’re already acting as if it’s been years. Because… it has been years, hasn’t it? They might not have been together romantically, but they’ve always had that special connection that had them acting like a married couple even when they were dating other people. Lucy’s first two shifts as his rookie just bonded them in a way that is hard to break.

Anyway. “Although, we’re – we’re still not partners,” Tim continues. There’s a slight teasing note in his voice, and it gets him the reaction from Lucy he was likely expecting. A smile and a little loving shove to the arm. “I mean, on the job, anyway,” he adds. Uhm, Timothy. You are partners on the job. You can say whatever you want – she’s your partner. But oh, wait. You’re still not admitting you’re partners on the job, but did you just tell her you’re partners in life? 

Oh, Tim. I love you. And I love your love for Lucy. 

Look at the way he looks at her. I know I’ve often mentioned this before, but I adore the way he’s just openly showing her how much he adores her now that they’re together. Because now he can. He doesn’t have to hide it and suppress his feelings for her anymore. And neither does she as she looks back at him lovingly. Have we ever seen her look at someone that way before? 

Well, actually. This reminds me of the way she looked at him when they finally got that dance at Nyla’s wedding. Damn. Girl’s been smitten for a while. How did it take them so long to get here, again? 

“It’s gonna be so weird going to a different station, knowing I’m not gonna see you all day.” “Yeah.” Oh, this is making me feel very melancholy and sad. This really is about to be the end of an era, isn’t it? I mentioned this very early in this essay, but again: we fell in love with these two in the shop, side by side. We watched them slowly but surely fall for each other in that same shop. It’s hard to imagine that being over (even though we already got a taste of it after Lucy got back from UC school). 

But this has more finality to it. Because now it really is time for a new beginning. The dating era, if you will. Or the we’re-gonna-spend-the-rest-of-our-lives-together era.  

Maybe it’s actually a good thing they started dating before they figured out that whole work situation. Because it gave them the time to transition from partners on the job, or whatever they were after 5x01 and until 5x08, to partners in life while still having something familiar to fall back on. 

Tim continues. “And there’s no guarantee that our shifts will sync up.” He’s talking from experience. We know him and Isabel worked in different divisions and had to sync up their shifts as best as possible. But Lucy doesn’t know what that’s like. “I hadn’t thought of that.” Lucy, stop breaking my heart. “Wait wait wait. So by doing the right thing we’re actually gonna see each other a lot less?” “Most likely.” “Nooo.” Again, stop breaking my heart, Lucy. That ‘no’ is seriously tugging on my heartstrings. 

Because this is not what she wanted when she suggested transferring. She didn’t even think about that possibility. She just wanted to do this right, so they could finally stop hiding. After Tim’s confirmative “Yeah,” Lucy turns back toward the shop. Neither one of them is happy about the possibility of seeing each other significantly less. But as Lucy goes to grab the war bags out of the trunk, watch Tim. We can practically see the wheels turning and land on: ‘no, this isn’t happening’. Right here in this moment, he decides that this isn’t how it’s gonna be. 

Lucy grabs the war bags and turns back toward Tim: “I’m gonna put in my transfer request in the morning.” Oh. She doesn’t like the prospect of not seeing Tim as much, but is still willing to transfer anyway? Wow. Because she still believes they can make it work. Because she knows it’s the right thing to do. And again: she doesn’t necessarily think Tim would want to change something. She knows him. 

But we saw that Tim had a bit of a moment of revelation right before she said it. Because he knows that neither one of them would be truly happy with that. And once more, he got confirmation that Lucy is willing to transfer, even if she doesn’t love it. 

So this is that last bit of reassurance he needs. She doesn’t love this, but is still willing to transfer so they can stay together. She’s choosing Tim. And that’s huge. For both of them. For Tim, because he’s finally put first in a relationship. For Lucy, because she’s ready to fully commit to this relationship in a way she never has before. 

And because she is, he’s taking the burden from her by taking the bags from her. 

We all see this moment for what it is: coming full circle. The guy who always made Lucy carry all the gear, even at the beginning of this episode, is now willingly taking the bags from her. And we see Lucy’s reaction to that. She’s not expecting it, hence that little move and the appreciative smile. Wow. But it’s also something more. With this little moment he’s showing her that he's willing to do something he doesn’t normally do. So, in a way, this is foreshadowing for the bigger gesture that’s coming later.   

Also, Tim’s reaction to Lucy’s reaction? That just screams ‘damn it, I’m freaking whipped’. And I love it. 

It’s after shift when Tim is knocking on Grey’s door. He didn’t even change into civvies yet, he’s still in uniform. “Got a minute?” “Sure,” Grey responds, motioning for Tim to come in. He closes the door behind him before he moves to take a seat at Grey’s desk. We know that whatever Tim has to say is important. He has to clear his throat before he starts talking. “I’ve been keeping something from you.” Grey tilts his head. He’s intrigued. Is this the moment? 

Tim takes another breath and then just lets it out. “Lucy and I started dating a few weeks ago.” Yup, Tim’s actually coming clean here. And that’s not easy. Because he’s telling his boss that he’s been dating a subordinate for weeks. That he’s dating his former rookie. That he fell in love with his former rookie. That’s a kind of vulnerability Tim doesn’t like. Because he doesn’t know how Grey will respond and if he and Lucy have to face any consequences. 

Grey takes a breath as he leans back in his chair. Ha, that little smirk. Yeah, he totally knows already. “I suspected as much.” See, he definitely saw the change in their behavior. And let’s be real. Anybody with eyes could see the change. They haven’t exactly been subtle. They could barely keep any kind of distance between them. Sure, Grey didn’t know for sure, but he knew enough. 

“Sir, we wouldn’t have lied but we… needed time to figure out how we felt.” Figure out how you felt? Maybe that’s not entirely true, because I’m sure they both know how they feel about each other. But making sure they really are on the same page about where this relationship is going and how they feel about that? Yeah, that’s definitely the case. I might be wrong, but, well. Anyway. 

“And since we’re having this talk, I assume it’s serious.” “It is,” Tim says without hesitation. There is no doubt in his mind anymore that he and Lucy are building something that’s real. Something that’s meant to last. Forever. 

“But, for it to be appropriate, I need to move out of her chain of command.” No, Grey doesn’t seem very happy at the prospect of Tim leaving patrol. He’s a great sergeant, a great supervisor, and Grey doesn’t like losing him to a different job. But he still says “Ok.” Tim’s simple ‘it is’ is enough for Grey to accept it. 

Because Grey knows that Tim, of all people, would never date a subordinate officer unless it was serious. He probably never even got close to any of his previous rookies, as far as we can tell. He seems to keep it firmly professional. But with Lucy it’s been different from day one. She had a front row seat to his heartbreak over Isabel. He let her in, couldn’t have prevented it if he’d tried. 

Lucy just managed to warm herself into his heart. He never meant to fall in love with her. It just happened. 

And Grey knows that. He’s seen happily married Tim. He’s seen heartbroken Tim after Isabel left. He’s seen him trying to find his way again but never quite getting it right. He’s seen Lucy experience the worst kind of trauma and still persevere. All the while witnessing that neither ever seemed as much like themselves as they are when they’re around each other. Because they’ve always brought out the best in each other. So he let them be for as long as he could fathom turning a blind eye on them and until they were ready to come to him.  

And he’s not planning on reprimanding the two of them or reporting them to IA. And I love that. Sure, it was against the rules. But he knows why they hid it. Because he knows them both. 

This entire scene is so powerful. We have a direct link back to when Tim asked Grey about what it would mean to transfer to the NYPD when Rachel moved. We saw how much he hated the idea of having to start over. But we also have a link back to when Grey told him he’d scored well on the sergeant’s exam and how hesitant he was to take that position at North Hollywood. Grey immediately looked over at Lucy. He knew why Tim was hesitant. 

So he knows that this relationship with Lucy isn’t just casual or something short term when Tim is willing to move out of patrol. And while Grey’s not exactly happy about it, he’s still willing to offer him a different job. But he’s also making sure that Tim knows the open spot isn’t a great position. 

“Unfortunately, there’s only one position open that will do that.” “I’ll take it.” Timothy! Oh, my heart. He doesn’t even let Grey tell him what that position is before he says he’ll take it, without hesitation. Right now, he couldn’t care less about what that position is. He only cares that it’s no longer in Lucy’s chain of command. “It’s not a great job.” Tim shakes his head. “Doesn’t matter. I’ll take it.” 

Oh, my heart can‘t handle this. 

For the first time in Tim’s life – that we’ve seen – he’s willing to change his career because of a relationship, for the woman he’s with. We all know Tim’s a creature of habit, and both Lucy and Grey have even called him a control freak before. 

Tim doesn’t really like change. He likes stability, which is something he didn’t have growing up. There’s a reason he chose to join the military and then the LAPD. There’s structure. And protocols. And rules.

Yes, he’s putting his life on the line every day so there’s a certain kind of instability, but protecting people is something he’s good at. Something he trusts himself to be able to do. Even as a sergeant, he stayed on patrol. Because that’s where he wants to be, it’s what he likes. What gives him comfort. 

For Tim to change career paths, he has to feel safe and secure in his life outside of work. And Lucy is the first person in a long time, maybe ever, that has provided him with stability and safety in every possible way, long before they even started dating. 

She helped him through the Isabel stuff, didn’t leave his side in the quarantine house. She recorded audiobooks for him so he could study for the sergeant’s exam. She was there for him when he confronted his father, she showed up to the hospital even though they were still awkward with each other. She’s there when he needs her. And even when he doesn’t. She takes care of him no questions asked. 

I came across a song a while ago and part of the lyrics perfectly describe Tim’s situation here: I just don’t like change / Cause it’s so hard for me to rearrange / But with you it’s not the same / Cause now I would leave home and change my name.   

Because this relationship with Lucy is different. Yes, they’ve only been together for like a month and a half or so at this point, but Tim knows this is different. Because Lucy was ready to change stations and start over so they could stay together without hiding or breaking rules. 

She didn’t ask or expect him to switch jobs. She didn’t say: you need to go, cause I’m staying here, I don’t care what you want – my needs are more important than yours. No. She said: you, our relationship, is more important than anything else. She’s shown him that he’s more important. She offered and was willing to be the one to change stations. She put him and their relationship ahead of everything else. What other woman has ever really put him first in their relationship? 

Ashley wanted him to retire for her, Rachel moved across the country. Neither one of them even truly considered his opinion. It was ‘so this is your only option, otherwise we’re done’. Isabel lost herself to drugs because she felt she couldn’t live up to Tim’s standards. Every single relationship has manifested that ‘I don’t deserve to be loved’ feeling in his mind. 

But Lucy has always been different. Because Tim is different for her (I keep repeating myself, help). For once, him and his comfort and needs are what’s important and considered in a relationship. It’s not all take take take from Lucy and give give give from Tim. It’s a partnership. A give and take. From both of them. It’s grounded in mutual trust, and respect, and friendship. 

So he’s willing to do what he doesn’t like: change something. 

Tim Bradford, romantic at heart. But we already knew that. But it’s just so beautiful to see again.

He needed that absolute certainty that this relationship is as serious for Lucy as it is for him. Yes, she’s given him numerous indications that it was, but when you’ve experienced so much romantic trauma, you start doubting everything, whether you want to or not. 

We briefly saw that uncertainty in 5x09 in Grey’s office when Lucy still hadn’t broken up with Assford. “If you’re having second thoughts…” because some part of him still couldn’t believe that this was real. He needed that reassurance that it’s still happening, while he also made sure that she’s still on board, that he wasn’t pressuring or forcing her to do something she didn’t want to.

Lucy was quick to shut those insecurities down. “No, I – I’m not” as she looked at him with fondness. He smiled back at her, happy that she still wanted it. “Good.” I really can’t ignore those looks. They’re in Grey’s office, at work, looking at each other with so much love and affection in their eyes that I’m sure they’d forgotten where they were in that moment.  

And we saw those heart eyes again at the end of that episode, when he could finally properly ask her out on a date, and they stared at each other after she said yes. 

But back to 5x12.

So, Lucy being absolutely willing to change stations and refusing for him to even think about a demotion was that last bit of assurance that he might’ve needed. That, and the fact that neither one of them would be happy having to try and sync up schedules when working at different stations is what made him go to Grey, come clean, and take a lesser job without knowing what that job even was. 

Tim also knows that Lucy never would’ve let him go to Grey to be the one to sacrifice professionally and accept any sergeant job available, which is why he didn’t tell her. Why he went to Grey alone and before she could put in her transfer request.  

And let’s be honest. Lucy has always mattered more than his job. He took the sergeant’s exam, but didn’t transfer so he could finish training her, as already briefly mentioned. I’m almost certain that a part of him didn’t want to leave for NY because that would’ve meant leaving her, too. He made her the arresting officer on every report because she deserved the recognition, and he wanted her to succeed. 

So, in a way, it’s actually very Tim for him to take a professional step back. But he’s okay with that. Because it’s Lucy. No, he won’t be on patrol anymore, probably for the first time since he started as a rookie. 

But he’s content with that decision. Because it doesn’t matter. As long as he can be with Lucy, none of that matters. 

And he’s not giving any more than Lucy was willing to give herself. And that’s the big difference. 

We see a beautiful shot of downtown LA (Is it downtown? Someone please correct my European a** if I’m wrong.) before we see Tim and Lucy in her apartment again. He’s chilling at her kitchen counter while she’s standing on the other side. 

“So I’ve been thinking. Hollywood division would be kind of ideal.” I love that Lucy is still fully committed to that transfer. She’s already made her peace with it. She’s been thinking about which station would be the best for her to not have to commute all over town every day and has actually made a decision. I love her commitment to it all.  

She turns around, moving toward the fridge, because, yes. She’s totally cooking for her boyfriend. And I love that. We know they both love to cook, and there’s something so sweet in knowing that they’re now with someone who they can enjoy that with. And there’s something extra sweet and intimate about the fact that Tim isn’t helping her because she wants to cook for him. She totally told him to sit his butt down and chill, I’m sure of it.

“Well, it’s not necessary. I... talked to Grey and you’re looking at the new Court Liaison Sergeant.” Court Liaison?! Wow, Grey really wasn’t lying when he said that it’s not a great job. Man, our boy Timothy is really in love. He could’ve said no after Grey eventually told him what the job was, but he very obviously didn’t. The things they’re both willing to do for each other, urgh. They make me sick. 

And Lucy is shocked. Not only did he tell Grey, although, that isn’t her concern here, but he also took a very boring sounding job without telling her. She stares at him for a few moments while she closes the fridge and then moves back toward the counter. “But that’s a desk job.” Oh. This is getting worse. Not only does Tim now have to deal with the courts and lawyers and what not. But he also has to sit at a desk for it? Yeah, that’s really not a great job for him. 

“Yeah. Out of your chain of command.” He sounds so calm. He doesn’t care about the job. He just wants to be with her. Again, this is huge for Tim. He took a job without knowing what it is and even after finding out, he sticks with that decision to leave patrol. As long as it gets him out of Lucy’s chain of command so they can both stay at Mid-Wilshire, he would’ve taken any job. And he has. 

Lucy keeps staring at him. She thought they’d agreed that she’d transfer, and suddenly he’s telling her he took a desk job? Yeah, she didn’t see this coming. And watch the look on her face right before she starts moving around the counter to be closer to Tim. That’s not exactly happy. Why? Because Tim hates desk work. “You’ll be bored out of your mind.” I love that she’s only concerned about his well-being and happiness and nothing else. She doesn’t even mention the fact that he told Grey about their relationship.  

“That doesn’t matter. Look, you and I’ll get to see each other every day a-and you won’t have to travel to some, I don’t know, far away station where they’re gonna make you work the midnight shift because you’re a newbie.” “Tim, it’s–“ But he interrupts her. “It’s done. Okay? No sense in arguing about it.” Yeah, he’s right. Why argue when it’s already a done deal? Nothing she could say to him right would make him change his mind. But aww. Look at him looking at her. I’ve probably said it a few times already, but my heart is melting. 

He is so incredibly smitten. But also thankful. Because he now knows with absolute certainty that this is real. She wouldn’t have suggested to transfer if she wasn’t fully committed to him. To them. 

Lucy seems to accept it (for now). “But we’re so good at arguing.” They really are. She leans over toward him, moving her hands over his shoulders toward his neck, kissing him in a move that is so incredibly sweet and intimate. Because he just sits there and lets it happen. He murmurs a little “I know” before going in for another kiss while standing up. His right hand moves toward her thigh – because he’s a thigh man – trailing upwards to her waist while her hands slide from his shoulders down over his chest. 

“But I’m hoping we’re good at certain other things, as well.” Oh. Well, I did not see this one coming. But there it is. Because our man Timothy has been ready for this for a while. Even more so since Lucy put it on the table the day before. They’re gravitating toward each other until they’re basically pressed together from head to toe as Lucy’s hands settle on his chest. 

 “Oh?” Uhm, yup. She’s definitely on board. 

I love everything about this moment. His smile! Have we ever seen him smile like this? Then there’s the swaying, their foreheads almost touching, their noses actually touching, the overall gravitational pull toward one another, her playing with his shirt as she asks “You wanna find out right now?” 

Everything about this makes my heart flutter. Because it’s so perfectly them. 

And yeah, fine, ok. This episode only aired two weeks after the one with their first date. So Lucy’s “I wanna take things slow” seems to have been thrown out the window. 

But again. I choose to live in a world where that date happened in late November/early December, and this is therefore about six to seven-ish weeks later. (I’m not sorry for making my own timeline. I actually think 5x10 might’ve been supposed to air in December, too but got pushed back because it was a crossover and Feds had a pretty big cliffhanger they wanted to carry over to the new year. But who knows with these shows.)

Now, is seven weeks long to wait until you sleep with someone or not? For Lucy, it seems long. For both of them, really. We know they don’t usually shy away from that. They’ve known each other for years at this point so it was never about getting to know each other first. No. It was about cherishing the early stages of this new relationship. A relationship that will be the last for both of them. 

So, I’d consider it an acceptable amount of time for them to wait. We don’t know how long Lucy planned on waiting; maybe it was always just a spur of the moment kind of thing and without giving herself a timeline to keep up with, at least not past what she said in 5x10 (first & second date, first kiss). I’ve recently had the thought that she might’ve needed that reassurance about their jobs before taking that next step just as much as Tim did. 

Because dating your boss is one thing, actually sleeping with him is something else entirely.  

Maybe it’s a little out there, but it could’ve also played a part in her decision. She wants to do this relationship right, after all, and part of doing this right includes following the rules about dating within the same chain of command. It wasn’t just about making sure she didn’t screw it up; it was about making sure that every potential risk wouldn’t be a risk that could threaten their relationship. 

She wasn’t ready for this before, for many different little reasons. And that’s perfectly fine. Healthy. Admirable, even. Because no one should ever feel obligated to do something in a relationship before they’re ready and I love her for setting some boundaries (and him for accepting it so easily). It doesn’t matter that it’s Tim, and that she wants it all with him. Or maybe it does. A whole lot, actually. Because it’s Tim. Nothing has ever been more important than them and doing it the right way. 

And Lucy is definitely ready now. Because the last issue that was in their way is taken care of. They’re no longer working together, at least not within the same chain of command. They can be together now. Officially. Openly.

So she starts popping those buttons on his shirt as soon as he whispers that soft “Yeah” and before their lips even touch again. That shirt is coming off fast, dear god. And Tim came prepared. No Henley like he wore the night before when he came over. No. A button down, with snaps. Easy and fast access guaranteed. Also, the little moan from Lucy as she pushes the shirt over his shoulders? Someone send help, please. 

I die a little every time I see the way he’s looking at her as she’s admiring his body while he strips. And it’s the way that Tim, who we all know likes everything pretty clean-cut and organized, just lets his shirt fall to the floor. Seriously, I don’t know why that gives me so much satisfaction, but it does. And then there’s Lucy touching him, tracing the tip of her fingers from his sides over the v-cut toward his abdomen.

Excuse me for a second while I try to recollect myself. 

It’s so freaking intimate. 

As soon as that shirt is gone, his hands go to cradle her face while she’s moving her left to the side of his face and her right to his back, both getting lost in another passion-fueled kiss while Lucy lets out another pleased little noise. Girl is enjoying herself alright. And they keep swaying into those kisses, too. As they break apart to get a breath of air, Lucy’s hand moves down his back to settle on his waist before they go back for an even more passionate kiss. Because holy moly, Tim ain’t holding anything back anymore. 

And as they keep swaying with those kisses – really, it kinda looks like they’re dancing because they’re constantly moving, which is also what they did in that airplane bathroom – that Tim’s back is turned toward us. And we get a good look at his scars. 

There is something so poetic about seeing those scars. We could already see the bullet wound from when he got shot in the Pilot on his abdomen when he took his shirt off. But now we can see the rest. Four scars on his back – one on his neck, one on either one of his shoulder blades, another on the small of his back. 

Tim has endured so much emotional and physical trauma in his life. Here, we get to see the physical side of it. He’s scarred, but he lets himself love and be loved again. Because he trusts Lucy with everything. His life, his happiness, his heart. 

He once said that trust has to be earned. And Lucy’s earned his trust, time and time again. Because she kept showing up. She cared. She’s shown him that people are worthy of trust. That she is worthy of his trust. And that he is worthy of hers.  

And, this might be very far-fetched, but I can’t get my brain to shut up. We can see Tim’s scars, but we also see Lucy admiring him while he was taking his shirt of. Yes, she’s appreciating his body, but I also see it as a subtle metaphor that, despite all his scars – physical and emotional – she still adores him. All of him. 

No matter how scarred he might be, he’s still worthy of love. He deserves love. Because he’s so much more than just his scars or his past. 

“I got half a dozen scars. Bullet wounds. Knife wounds. Broken bottle. Then there’s the ones you can’t see. Isabel’s addiction. A dad who would tune me up on the regular. And whether I like it or not, they’re a part of me.”

Yes, it’s all part of his story, but it’s not the whole story. Those scars aren’t everything. 

He said it himself once when he confronted his father: “I’m who I am in spite of you!” 

In spite of all the pain, he chose to be the kind of man he is and not be like his father. He found a way to become his own person. And somewhere along the way, after even more heartbreak, he found a reason to become an even better version of himself. But, to be fair: that version’s been there all along. Lucy just managed to bring it (back) to the surface. 

And now he can freely look at that reason whenever he wants with so much adoration, so much love in his eyes that I’m feeling sick to my stomach because the butterflies are creating havoc in there. 

Tim just walked away from almost a decade and a half of patrol. And yet, he’s happy. He’s beaming with joy. Because he gets to be with Lucy. I know we’ve all noticed it, but I have to point it out again. We have never seen Tim so calm and at peace before. This is what finding and being with the right person will do to you. 

And he’s done the same for her. Because she was willing to walk away from her job, too. The woman who doesn’t like commitment was ready to start over professionally at a different station after being with Tim for a few weeks. 

She also has more than enough reasons to not want to put her heart out there. Her trauma might not be like the one Tim has experienced, but it’s still trauma. Her parents made sure to make her feel unlovable basically her whole life. Again, the only guy she seemed to be kind of serious about cheated on her. Others broke up with her without a second thought. So her defense mechanism became keeping guys at a romantic distance. 

Yes, she’s a very caring person who’s there for her friends and those in need – which I love, because she became the opposite of her parents whose care is always conditional. But romantically? She likes to keep her distance even when she’s in a relationship; and even though she’s often the one to make the first move. But in 5x08, she was the one who was hesitant until Tim made clear he wanted it as much as she did. That she mattered to him enough for him to be willing to risk it all. That he loved her enough to risk it.  

Tim did the opposite of her parents and every other guy before him: make her feel wanted and appreciated and loved just the way she is.  

Her willingness to transfer is such a beautiful gesture of love. No, they’re nowhere near ready to actually say those words, but they showed each other their love through these selfless gestures, no words necessary. 

They really have found their forever person. 

But back to the scene.   

And then there’s something about the way Lucy just lets her head fall back in this moment while they’re kissing right before they start walking toward her bedroom. It’s like she’s completely giving herself to him here. Because she is. Lucy “commitment phobe” Chen is one hundred percent in this. She’s ready for this next step with the only guy she’s ever loved. 

Also, I’m a sucker for their height difference. Now I just need a kiss where she’s not wearing some kind of heels. Then I’ve seen everything I needed to see. Okay, not everything, but it’s one of the things that’s been on my wish list since before they were together. 

Lucy lets out another moan as she’s smiling into that kiss as they start moving toward the bedroom. She even giggles into that kiss. Again, girl’s enjoying herself; she’s happy. One of his hands then comes up to move behind her head while the other goes to the door frame, preventing Lucy’s head from hitting the wall. He’s always been protective of her, and that only heightened after the whole Caleb thing and even more so once he realized he was in love with her. So to see this little move? Yeah, I don’t know why it makes me go feral, but it does. Because even in their haze of lust, he’s making sure she feels safe with him. 

And this entire time, we see respectful Tim. Yes, he’s the one to start the flirting and steer the conversation in that direction. But he doesn’t just go for it, he waits for her response. He’s letting her know he’s ready, but he’s also letting her decide whether she’s ready for this, too.   

And once she’s given him the verbal confirmation and he knows she is, he doesn’t hold back. He’s pretty firm with those kisses and his hands cupping her face, but: it’s not forceful. It’s passionate. It’s a mix of joy and hunger and want and desire. It’s love. You can see in the way he kisses her and cradles her face how much he loves her. 

As they continue to make out against the door frame – seriously, how is this even real?! – one of Lucy’s hands moves toward his neck, holding him close. His left moves from cradling the side of her face to her waist as they actually finally back into her bedroom. He closes the door almost all the way before fully slamming it shut, but instead of going straight for the bed, we can see that they’re still at that door. Because we can see Lucy’s hair against the not entirely see-through glass, where Tim has undoubtedly pushed her back against. They just love making out against doors, don’t they? 

Damn, these two are seriously hungry for each other. 

And after all this time, I don’t blame them. Because they deserve this. It’s time to enjoy this new intimacy. This happiness. This love. 

They’ve fought their demons, separately and together. They’ve experienced different kinds of traumas over the years and still managed to come out stronger than ever before. They’ve ignored and struggled with their feelings for far longer than they realized before finally accepting them and taking the leap together. 

And if anyone deserves to finally be this freakishly happy, it’s Tim and Lucy. 

My deepest gratitude goes, once again, to @escapismqueen. This time, she actually did kind of write parts of this, so thank you for letting me use it all and providing me with the necessary inspiration and missing words when my brain just couldn’t properly function anymore. Also, a big thank you to everyone who has taken their time to read my stuff about 5x08 and/or 5x10 and now also this. Every single one of you makes me want to keep writing. And it’s so much fun, too. I'm excited to see where this journey takes me next. 

[pikapeppa]

Alright, why wouldn't Hekarro wanna use Carja glyphs as the Tenakth writing system? The Phincian alphabet is the basis for most of the writing systems in Western Europe - if you got a writing system that works, why not adapt it?

I'M FINALLY ANSWERING THIS ASK TWO MONTHS LATER 😂

For anyone who's curious, the context for this was a post I made a while back in response to an ask regarding whether the Quen might be able to read Chinese, since the Focuses they would have found in the Great Delta would plausibly have been formatted in Chinese. In the tags on the post, I remarked that I had a rant about Hekarro wanting to borrow the Carja writing system. Everbright has asked me to elaborate, and now I'll finally be writing the essay that's been sitting at the back of my mind for like a year LOL.

My thesis here is as follows: it's not the idea of the Tenakth borrowing the Carja writing system that bothers me, necessarily. I take umbrage with the fact that Hekarro seems to think the Tenakth are inferior to the Carja because they aren't a literate society. 

This post is going to get long, so I will put the rest behind a cut to give anyone a break who wants to scroll on past LOL. Also, please note: trigger/content warning for mentions of residential schools in Canada.

First things first: I'm writing this as a non-indigenous Canadian, so I may be writing with biases of my own that I will apologize for in advance. If any members of the cultural groups I'm going to mention should read this and take issue with anything I've said, please do feel free to write me a message here on Tumblr!

Okay, let me set the context here. When Aloy first meets Hekarro, a piece of their conversation is as follows, with the transcript to follow:

Aloy: I’m sorry about Fashav. He seemed like a good man. Hekarro: More than a man. A bridge between Tenakth and Carja. No outlander ever earned our respect as he did. I had hoped he would be my voice in Meridian. That peace with the Carja might become something more. A: An alliance? H: An exchange. The Carja have much we lack. Our deeds are written in ink upon our bodies. Our memories die with our flesh. But the Carja never forget. Their deeds are written in book and scroll. A:  You wanted to learn from them? H: As I learned from Fashav. He will be missed.

This conversational exchange has always bothered me, because inherent in this exchange is the idea that Hekarro views the Tenakth as being lacking compared to the Carja -- that the Carja are superior to the Tenakth because of the fact that they're able to read and write, rather than tattooing their history on their skin. This statement reflects a bias that feels very 'colonizer' to me in an icky way. Being a literate society does not inherently make you superior to a society that doesn't use writing, but that exact idea has been used tons of times in history to argue that the indigenous cultures of a place are less advanced/less intelligent/less valuable than the people who are coming in and trying to force their ideals, including literacy, on the indigenous group(s). In the context of Canada, for instance, Kirmayer et al. (2009) wrote that "aboriginal peoples were viewed as incapable of understanding and participating in democratic government, thereby motivating efforts to 'civilize' and assimilate them into mainstream Canadian society," with that mainstreaming process including residential schools: institutions that took indigenous children from their families and communities and placed them into segregated spaces where they were forbidden from speaking their native languages, practicing their traditional customs, and from contacting their families at all.

This is especially irksome to me because the Tenakth tradition of tattooing (or "ink", as they call it in-game), is based on tattooing traditions IRL with an extremely rich historical and cultural background. The most obvious similarity is to Polynesian tattoo (or "tatau") practices, which I'll focus on here, but similar methods with equally rich histories exist in the Philippines and in Japan. 

One of the most striking things about Polynesian tatau practices is that it's not just the act of striking ink into the skin that matters; it's the meaning behind the act of getting a tattoo, and the embracing of community and identity inherent in the practice. As one Samoan tatau artist said, "it's important to know the meaning behind the symbols of our traditional tatau so you have a deeper understanding of the significance of what you're wearing. Each 'maman' or each pattern has its own meaning and story behind it." Polynesian artists also highlight the fact that these traditions are passed through the generations for thousands of years, and that those who wear tatau are "wearing the maps of our ancestors." As another artist said, Polynesian tatau is "a reconnection to all my ancestors and everybody behind me, because I'm not only speaking for me, but a whole generation of kids that are like me, that are getting Polynesian tattoos to reconnect." 

Tenakth tattoos, like Polynesian tattoos, are a way of recording history and lore -- not only one's own stories and victories, but those of the people that are important to a warrior, as evidenced by Kotallo stating that he plans to ink Varl's deeds on his own skin in tribute. I also personally think that it's culturally fitting for the Tenakth to record important history on their bodies, since the Tenakth place such emphasis on physical strength. It makes logical sense that they would record their proudest deeds on the thing that they view with such pride, i.e. their physical bodies. Hekarro's statement that the Tenakth are "lacking" because they don't record their history "in book and scroll" feels like a devaluation of the Tenakth's culturally-specific method of recording history, much in the way that colonizing societies have devalued the oral traditions of North American indigenous groups. Oral traditions are an extremely important aspect of many indigenous cultures; a group that provides indigenous culture training has stated that "certain stories are never written down, which preserves the tradition of sharing knowledge, culture, and history orally. These stories are the fabric of the community’s history, knowledge and culture, and some are thousands of years old. In some cultures, if a story is written down it is degraded." By ignoring this rich tradition and imposing written records of those stories, they would be degraded and rendered less than what they're meant to be.

Now, some of you might be asking whether it was an oversight/mistake on the part of the Guerrilla Game writers that Hekarro made this accidentally-denigrating comment toward his own tribe. Honestly, I do think it was an oversight, and one that I find disturbing, because it seems to stem from a blind spot that GG isn't aware of. This isn't the only time that content coming from the Horizon world seems to follow this 'colonizer'-like idea of certain societies being more advanced and superior to others. In the concept art book for Horizon Zero Dawn, for instance, there's a description of the Carja as follows (p. 47), transcript below:

 [Transcript: Among all the tribes of Horizon Zero Dawn, the Carja Sundom boasts the most advanced culture. Using the advantages of their geographical position, the Carja have developed agriculture and trade while other tribes still rely on hunting and gathering. The Carja's impregnable capital, Meridian, provides security for a civilized population. Artisans and traders flourish here, serving sophisticated, well-to-do citizens. Carja civilization towers over the other tribes, just as the Sun of their religion rises above the horizon of their mesa valley.]

Even worse, there’s this passage from p. 48, where the non-Carja tribes are called “primitive”.Transcript below:

[Transcript: Through ages of perfecting the techniques of machine plate-working, the Carja have developed the most sophisticated way: to apply the materials of mechanical fauna. While more primitive tribes would roughly affix more or less useful machine parts on their garments, Meridian artisans interweave fine fitted machine elements into comfortable and functional pieces.]

Quotes like this make me worry that there are people at GG who aren't recognizing their own bias inherent in the description of the Carja compared to other tribes. There seems to be a lack of awareness here about the dangerous underpinnings of seeing one culture as more "advanced" than another just because it is more dominant or mainstream. As Shaw (2001) states, "in not according recognition, let alone respect, to the distinctive linguistic and cultural identities that have shaped First Nations peoples, the majority culture continues to exert a significantly negative influence on identity, on self-esteem, on pride in one's cultural heritage, and on one's sense of self and of place in the broader society."

To summarize to some degree: I don't have a problem per se with the Tenakth borrowing the Carja writing system. My qualms come from the idea that the idea of the Carja being superior will come along with that borrowing, thereby devaluing the rich tradition of Tenakth tattoos. As Hale (1992) states, "while it is good and commendable to record and document fading traditions, and in some cases this is absolutely necessary to avert total loss of cultural wealth, the greater goal must be that of safeguarding diversity in the world of people. For that is the circumstance in which diverse and interesting intellectual traditions can grow."

TLDR: Tenakth tattoos are just as valid and important a method of recording lore and history as Carja writing, and the Tenakth are not inferior or primitive for not having a tradition of reading/writing. I think Hekarro's comment about the Tenakth being "lacking" is reflective of a blind spot at GG that I hope will be addressed in future games. 

If you came this far, THANK YOU FOR READING and accept this cookie as thanks for staying with me! 🍪😂 A friendly final note: do be warned that any replies or comments to the effect of "but literate societies ARE inherently better than illiterate ones" will be removed and the writers of such comments may be blocked, depending on their intentions as I read them. 🥰

-- love from your friendly neighbourhood Pika xoxo

[littledoggy-girlcollar]

a counterargument: colin bullied nate pretty relentlessly, including physically. nate was openly scared of colin in the for the children ep. not that that makes what said okay, but he also apologized to colin afterwards.

you know i did think about this when writing the post so here's my thoughts on that:

you're right, colin did bully nate in season one, but unless i totally misread shit (which, possible, i did watch a lot of it fairly late at night and watched the other part of it while writing an essay), the bullying was explicitly ring-led by jamie, and was stopped pretty much entirely by roy yelling at them in the club. as far as i remember, there was nothing specific that colin did that jamie and isaac didn't, and while i also don't remember a full apology to nate, it also seemed like they all got along fairly well afterward, especially after nate's promotion to assistant coach.

and then the Headspace episode happened. i had thoughts abt what i was going to say and then i went "hey lemme pull up the episode to make sure i have that right" and i forgot those thoughts and now i have new ones and they're way more thesis-y than i thought they'd be so here we go!

nate is a bit of a dick to colin during practice, following some ribbing of nate's new nickname of the "wonder kid," coming from him mispronouncing "wunderkind/wonderkind" (as far as i can tell these are the same word? just different spelling?). dani, jamie, and colin all make essentially the same joke, but colin is the only one that nate gets mad at. could this possibly just be because of the lingering resentment from the bullying last season? sure. but colin actually goes to nate's office to figure out what he did wrong and if there's something else he should be doing, and nate literally tells him he did it because dani and jamie have more talent and recognition than he does (incredibly paraphrased). my rant about how colin could end up being THE most inspiring member of the team if the show/the character decides to go that way will be saved for another post, but in essence, nate explicitly tells both colin and us as the viewer that he picked on colin because he doesn't think he has that much power to retaliate, and nate's position as assistant coach gives him a level of authority over colin as well.

crazy. almost like a role reversal over here or something.

anyways, beard calls nate on his shit, nate apologizes to colin in front of the team, the apology is accepted. in all, it was kind of a one-off thing that was resolved fairly easily, and i am realizing that my view of that specific instance may have been clouded by the rest of the episode, but there is one more point i want to hit on before we get to that part, which is that: colin is a gay man in a sport with (from what i've heard) no visibly out queer men, and nate had no way of knowing this, but that probably made his comment cut deeper than he even intended. i know in season three colin says he doesn't want to be some big statement or representation or whatever, and i think that's totally fair and if the show wants to stick with that i think that's chill, but i do still think telling a closeted gay man that "you aren't special, you don't inspire anyone, shut up and do the work" would have a biiiiit of a mental impact beyond just the visible hurt we see from colin as he leaves. again, this bit isn't necessarily on nate since he didn't know and may not have factored it in even if he did, but to me it's just kind of another drop in the bucket of "wow this man is just saying anything now cause he's got an outsourced sense of superiority."

and that's actually where my main problem comes from. because after the apology the team gifts nate a jersey with "wonder kid" on it. and they are happy about it, and they think it's cool, and they give the credit to will (the kitman, you know, nate's old job) for coming up with it, and will says "it's a pretty awesome nickname." and then nate sees one fucking negative meme on twitter, in a flood of literally hundreds of positive ones, plus headlines and fucking podcasts praising him to high heaven, and nate goes "clearly will was trying to embarrass me, guess i better go physically threaten him so he never does that again."

because he's an insecure prick that doesn't actually believe in himself or have self-confidence. he's done a bit of growing, sure, and he can stand up for himself and voice his opinions a bit better now, but despite his stupid fucking posturing and spitting in the mirror (cause its tough? a metaphor for him hating himself? whatever it's fucking stupid) he gets all of his confidence from other people. he hasn't internalized it yet. he feels good when ted praises his ideas, he gets overly insecure when roy does literally anything, including give the proper credit to nate, feels lighter than air and higher than heaven (i don't usually invoke holy shit this much the show must be rubbing off on me in terms of metaphors) when everyone is praising his name, and it can all be ruined by one comment from his father and the same picture of his face on the internet only this time it's saying shit instead of giving him glory. so he's hearing all of this praise from pretty much all corners, and he feels good about it, but he can't hold onto it. he can't internalize it. so when he sees a sliver of criticism, it all goes out the window, and he doesn't want that! that makes him feel bad! so he has to get rid of that, too, and the easiest way to get rid of it is to turn it around on someone else. someone with less power who won't fuck you up and who doesn't visibly have enough support to come back at you (because while i love colin, we really don't see him shine on his own that much. and neither does nate). and sure whatever nate's dad is a jerk to him and childhood issues shut the fuck up that's a grown man with an actively growing support system. which he throws under the bus like five seconds later by the way.

anyways. my point here is really that the episode is kind of a perfect summary of nate's character at this point in the narrative. he's abusing his power out of some weird sense of superiority one good win got him, he's got enough humanity to realize (re: be forced to realize by a large man with a beard and ability to disappear from offices) when he's fucked up no actually hold on. he literally only apologizes cause coach beard confronts him on it and is expecting it. he wouldn't have done this otherwise and we know it because look at how he's treated will literally since he got there. ok sorry for the detour that hit me literally as i was writing and i don't have the energy to go back up and revise to fit that in. so: abusing power, will apologize when made to by those he still views as having more power than him, externalizes all of his self-concept, positive and negative, and continues to take out all negativity on anyone he views as having less power. WHICH AGAIN FUCKING SUCKS SINCE THAT LITERALLY USED TO BE HIM IT'S LITERALLY "WELL I WENT THROUGH X SO YOU SHOULDN'T GET Y" BEHAVIOR FUCK OFF. GOD. okay i need to end this before i get real fucked up about it ok closing statement.

yes, colin bullied nate in season one. yes, nate ostensibly apologized to colin and colin accepted. no, the reason this grinds my gears isn't necessarily the colin thing specifically, but the situation is kind of a microcosm of everything that's going on in the world of nate, and is therefore condensed, and therefore saturated, so it sucks more ass. yes, i understand that pretty much everything i've laid out is why nate is such a well written character, but that doesn't make him a less shitty person. i'm sure i had more things to say and forgot them so if you wanna ask questions shoot.

[batsarebetterthanpeople]

🍺 Jamie, we need the full unabridged Calico Jack essay you certainly have.

Ok so here's the thing. I've already made a lot of the meta about him that I need to make so I'll just link some and give you director's commentary. This is in reverse chronological order of when I posted it so my understanding of my evil alcoholic meow meow has grown more complex and nuanced the farther down it goes.

The full throttle Jack apologia I was on before the canyon materialized - I understand why this one has 7 notes and three of them are from me. I really do. However I stand by most of what I said here. I don't stand by my relative minimization of what Jack did do wrong (Being homophobic, being a bad friend to Ed and saying that they're not friends, Being manipulative instead of just warning Ed and letting him make the call about Stede). I think that what's missing from this little essay is that Jack is, as a narrative tool, trying to pull Ed back into his old life that he hates. His fundamental narrative purpose is to show what Ed's life was like back when he was shitty. Now I think from this perspective that Stede is just as culpable for doing that to Mary but it's not Mary's story any more than it's Jack's story so I am reading against text in this meta. However what you have to understand is that in may of 2022 when I published this thing that Jack was universally hated. I personally saw him as a sympathetic and wrong character where as the general consensus back then was that the dalliances he talked about with Ed had to have been non consensual if they were real because why would Ed ever have sex with a guy like that. Which is a take I have a lot of problems with but the main one is that it denies Ed agency to have sex with a guy that rubs you, the viewer the wrong way. So basically, I agree with this post but I would not make it in the current relatively Jack friendly climate of the fandom. Nor would I make it in a post canyon enviornment where the homophobic masc white guy apologia has reached a fever pitch just because I don't want to be associated with that. Also I'm a lot less charitable to Stede than most ofmd fans for personal, non jack related reasons. Also I want to make a note here that I should have made in that meta but will make now that I'm not saying that Stede is terrible and you shouldn't like him, my argument was essentially that seeing Jack as one dimentionally evil is kind of weird when you're willing to completely write off Stede's misogyny era as an oopsy. I like Stede. Most people like Stede. I stood alone in also liking Jack at the time.

Here's a much more reasonable strain of Jack apologia that I've settled on - In the early days I bounced back and forth between "he literally did nothing wrong except kill Karl" and "He's the worst guy ever (affectionate)" but eventually I saw how the wind was blowing on people who said "he's never done anything wrong" about Izzy and I was like, I'll dial it back even though I'm not throwing Ed or Stede (generally unless I'm also defending Mary B in the same breath) under the bus to say it. You'll notice it's pretty much the same thesis except for instead of being phrased as "Stede was out of pocket and Jack did nothing wrong and you're all highschool brained" it's phrased as "I think this is what happened but these two other things could also be the case and I would still like him. This is the clear role he plays in the narrative giving it to someone else annoys me." Also Beardy is what I started having my Jack tulpa call Ed before season 2. I've explained why Here on the @ask-calico-jack sideblog where I'm the mod because I got an ask about it and I decided to address it out of character. Also I'm Not Going Anywhere is a Jack apologia fic I was writing at the time which I have since abandoned. Basically I whumped him into submission.

My Evidence for Jack being willing to risk his life to save Ed - more apologia that I stand by. Once again I want to reiterate that in 2022 everybody hated that guy and most people still hate him which is fair and natural but enough people have come around that I'm now willing to ignore the haters because I have to fight with the people who like him wrong.

this was part of an ask game asking me what I thought about ships and I went off about Ed and Jack

I learned that Calico Jack was named after calico the fabric and I made this because I'm still on my Jack/Ed enemies to rivals who fuck shit - Not sure about Ed's skin here, is he too orange? depends on whether you're on desktop or mobile.

Calico Jack penis discourse - This one is integral to my view of the pissing scene. I love the pissing scene it's one of the only scenes of tv ever.

Jack is cute he would kill me for saying it but it's true 2 3 4

Brief asside that I feel like I have to put in and here's probably best: At some point in late 2022 early 2023 Jack stopped being so villified and people started to think he was kinda fun. After this the CJizzys attacked. I used to passively like the concept of CJizzy because in my head they were the worlds worst guys being terrible together. It was giving Izzy a pirate captain to obsess over the way he obsesses over blackbeard, except the pirate captain actually liked being a pirate captain so it was healthier than what he has going on with Ed, and also it was like if that one straight couple that are together but hate each other because she's a nag and he's a slob were gay pirates who partake in unsafe bdsm. Then a bunch of people started writing and drawing this wildly out of character CJizzy stuff and I got turned off of it completely because they would hollow out my favoriate little villain to turn him into the perfect white masc boyfriend for their little guy because they cant enjoy a show if there aren't masc4mascs in it, and now because of that I hate the ship. I just can't stand people giving Jack emotional intelligence without him being wrapped in a blanket and socialized by force first. It's not that I don't like woobifying him it's that you're woobifying him wrong and above is the way you ought to do it. anyway, onwards.

Anon asks me how I think Jack felt about being rejected by the crew - I stumble upon an interesting potential motive for him faumenting mutiny against Stede and potentially evidence for him telling the truth about having been mutinied three times.

Ed has a type - I added Frenchie in here because I'm a serial shipper and I stand by that decision despite Frenchie being different from Jack and Stede in most ways but I genuinely think that Stede and Jack are a very similar type of guy

Jack is not a frat boy - this one is me being a dick again but also I'm right.

Jack calls Stede slurs, this is funny - note that Stede also calls Jack "calico" as if his first name is Calico and his last name is Jack and that historically Jack was called "calico" Jack because some guy writing a salacious book about pirates wanted to make him seem gay so to me Jack's nickname for Stede is Fairy and Stede's nickname for Jack is Fudgepacker. This to me is both amusing and homoerotic.

Fic rec - What I think Jack and Ed were like as kids, there's a one paragraph meta and then below it a link to a 2k word fic

Jack has a type - Anne and Mary came out and I love them

Jack fucks - This has always been my take but I think there's a lot of people on here who thinks he doesn't fuck well and all of them are wrong, and more importantly, have not had sex with as many bisexual 50 year old alcoholic perverts as I have, so they don't know what they're talking about. Jack would try to sell me meth on grindr.

Jack and Ed are tragic actually - they could have been highschool sweet hearts who got married if Jack wasn't a little bitch

I am shipping so hard right now - my thesis about my pet 5 way

Aro cowboy pirate- Jack and Jim also have stuff in common

Jack has dimentions don't you dare say he doesn't have dimensions - Jack actually is sympathetic Ed told me himself and he also told you and Jack also says a lot about both Ed and Stede and that's the whole reason he's there is to say a lot about Ed and Stede if you will just listen to what his presence says about the guys you like maybe you would understand him like I do. (you general not you specifically)

and finally

my writing advice.

[navree]

What do you think of house Lannister?

In general? I think they're fun, they're neat, they're a bunch of overdramatic bitches but because they don't have dragons and instead just have a shitton of money it's not as dangerous as the Targaryens. It's like them Succession kids, but in Westeros. They're very funny, it's just this family of messy bitches with good genes who decide to make their problems everyone's problems even tho they're not even royalty, they're just That Dramatic that it infects everyone else.

As for specific Lannisters in ASOIAF, my feelings go a bit deeper.

I like Cersei fine, she's fun to read about and her head's fun to be in because she thinks she's so much smarter than she is and that cognitive dissonance can be very entertaining, but I don't necessarily have the strongest or deepest feelings about her, she's pretty much just an entertaining character I enjoy.

Jaime is my son. He is my baby boy. I love him so much I just want to cuddle him up in a blanket and yell at every single person he's ever talked to until they apologize for being mean to him. Like, God his flashback chapters where he thinks on shit he had to go through in Aerys's Kingsguard literally hurts. If he gets a rocks fall death in the books like in the stupid show I'm gonna be so pissed, he is my number one boy (I think he might be a very strong contender for second favorite male ASOIAF character) and I will protect him with my life and love him fiercely. And why second favorite? Because...

Tywin is the best character in this series. He may be the best character in the entire ASOIAF/GOT/HOTD franchise. He's never done anything wrong except for all the evil stuff he did wrong but it's fiction and he ain't on trial so he's the best. I literally love everything about Tywin, I love all his scenes and all of his characterization and the hints we get of the kind of person he is since we're never in his head. I love his intelligence and his mind and I like that he does encompass what it means to be ruthless, to see the bright line in getting from point A to point B and following that line with no deviations no matter what it does for or to other people. I love smart characters, and I especially love smart politicians, so Tywin is basically if crack was an ASOIAF character for me. And I adore his interpersonal relationships. People have talked to death about Tywin's relationship with his kids and I wouldn't add anything new, but his relationship with his siblings needs to be discussed more. That tidbit about him being the only one to stand up for Genna when she was betrothed to House Frey and how angry it made him is literally just *chef's kiss*. And I could write a thesis dissertation on Tywin and Kevan and all the intricate displays of their relationship but for now I'll say this: the final published chapter of ASOIAF being Kevan's POV where when he gets shot with a crossbow his first thought is literally "no, no, this is how my brother died" is fucked up. That's a really fucked up thing to do George. And sue me I'm a sucker for the dynamic Tywin had going on with Joanna. That shit hits hard.

So, here's an unpopular opinion: I do not like Tyrion. I don't mean I don't like him as a character, I love him as a character, his story is interesting and the way he's written is good and he's understandable and I sympathize with him and I acknowledge and respect him as a key player in the series and one of the five Peak Core cast. And honestly, I appreciate his story and I do feel emotions for him and the way he's treated as a disabled man in a society like Westerosi society. But on a personal leve, I do not like Tyrion, for one very simple reason: Tyrion is so completely and unbearably misogynistic that is genuinely difficult for me to spend time in his head. Now I know what you might be thinking, "Amélie he's not the only misogynistic character" and no he's not, but out of the main male characters, he is the most overt and the most physical with it, not only just constantly thinking awful shit about women but also doing things like slapping Shae for talking and strangling her for the crime of him thinking she's someone she wasn't and even though I'm aware that it's for a furtherance of his arc, him raping the sex slave literally makes me hurl. And while I'm equally as aware that he's not the only Lannister POV character to have severely misogynistic takes (ohhhh Cersei and your internalized sexism), I'm more willing to give Cersei some grace because she is a woman and is suffering under a misogynistic society that has hurt her. For all else Tyrion is, he is a man, a highborn man to boot, and he has benefitted extremely from Westeros's misogyny as well as being a perpetrator of it that does not afford him the same leniency from me that Cersei gets as a victim.

And honestly, some of the shit he thinks about Cersei is just......ugh. I'm not a Cersei stan by any stretch, but I do have some genuine issues with some of the stuff he thinks and says re: her. Tyrion is more than allowed to hate Cersei for her horrible treatment of him, even allowed to want her dead, but him constantly going on about how he wants to rape and murder her not for anything she'd done in the past but for thinking he'd murdered Joffrey (which he knows she genuinely thinks is true, the issue is that Tywin knew it wasn't but was gonna use it to get rid of him anyway) is exhausting. It is genuinely taxing for me to read about how frequently he wants to be gruesomely sexually violent towards a woman not for any wrong she actually did him, and she's done a lot, but for her own erroneous belief that he knows is genuine on her part. Again, I get where he's coming from, I really do, I understand why it's being written and I understand how someone can get to that point, especially after all Tyrion's been through, and I'm not heartless as I said before and there are feelings I have about him, but idk, maybe it's Being A Woman and that the kind of misogyny Tyrion constantly exhibits is a kind that still very much exists today in the modern world, but it's a hurdle I can't get over when it comes to him.

(and also it's a nitpick cuz i know there's no way he could have known about it but it still rubs me the wrong way when i reread the series and he has his thing about how he liked robert when cersei hated him when i know that the reason cersei hated him was because he raped and abused her, it's just a Thing for me)

So yeah, that's the House Lannister take for the most part from me. As House, they're fun and more lighthearted in terms of shit they get up to and very funny, which Cersei tends to encapsulate for me as a character, and I have a lottttt of feelings, just very different ones, re: Tywin and Jaime, and Tyrion is...Well, it's fiction and it's not my job to like every single character, even popular ones.

[inkofamethyst]

February 10, 2023

UM.  GOOD NEWS KINDA?  NOT THE BEST NEWS EVER BUT STILL MAKES ME FEEL HAPPY?

First, the update on my Choice B was not at all what I was expecting it to be.  Not gonna say what it was necessarily bc it’s a lil gossipy uhm and also it’s not influencing the decision I made about that school a week ago.

Second, got the official acceptance from my Choice A (bottom choice/“safety”) which means I can officially reject their offer but like,,,,, that makes me feel kinda mean.  I don’t know for sure where I’m going but I know it ain’t gon be there.  Part of me wants to reject them right away, rip the band-aid off, so to speak, but idk another part of me wants to also write a lil note to the potential advisor being like “hey I appreciate your time and consideration but... idk but after assessing this offer it’s not for me” or something.  Something a little less impersonal than a rejection of their acceptance (which they may already see coming.. idk).

Third, the good news (kinda).  Had that chat with the potential advisor at my Choice E (that crazy good school that literally checks almost all of my boxes, more than any other program (but bc it’s so good I figured it was kind of a long shot for multiple reasons (as a result my parents and I decided early on that we would not tell my grandparents that I was even applying because it’s the only name they’d recognize instantly and they’d never let me live it down.  To my grandparents, I applied to six schools, not seven, and they will only learn of the seventh (Choice E) if I’m accepted and choose to go lol))) and... I mean he starts off the meeting by telling me that I’m his top candidate and that he really wants me to come work with him, and while acceptances have not yet been finalized, he’s fightin for me.  For me.  He said he’d read over my app multiple times (for all of January I felt like there were so many ways I could’ve improved it ha) and besides being impressed by the accomplishments (which to me seemed maybe only just slightly above average? an REU, a national conference poster, a few scattered research experiences, but no real publications, no research with matching methods, no senior thesis, no awards (partly bc I’ve gone all my life being nominated for awards without me doing anything, but at my giant school you have to nominate yourself for any and everything and ain’t nobody got time for that)), he said he really connected with my story.  And then he just sort of talks for an hour in a clear effort to both sell the program to me but also to show how proud he is of it and why he thinks it would be a good fit for me and my guy probably could’ve gone on for another half hour but I had another meeting immediately after and then he sent me a followup email asking if I’d be down to keep chatting.  And of course I say yes bc why not.  I feel desired by one of the top institutions in the world and the guy who I would be working with seems so down-to-earth and humble despite his position and wants to work and learn with me.  Forget about my Choice B, Choice E is The Place to Be.

And I know.  I am so thankful to be in a position where I already have multiple good offers in case this one doesn’t work out.  I know even making it to the final round is a huge accomplishment.  I know that there’s a possibility I may not get past this stage for reasons outside of my control.  I understand all of that and have tried to minimize my emotional investment, just in case.  But after today?  I definitely do feel even just a little bit more invested.  I’m so close.  This is not what I expected from that meeting at all.  Neither of today’s meetings went as expected.

Today I’m thankful for academic validation lol.  I’m thankful that I got to hang out with my photo-friend this evening.  Thankful for the really good comedy show we got to see tonight.  Literally the best comedy I’ve seen at this school since freshman year (maybe my photo-friend is a good luck charm for good comedy, because freshman year was the last time we went to see a comedy show together and I haven’t been satisfied by a comedy show since).  Thankful for women of color who look out for each other.

[edit, next morning: oh and apparently the guy who I had the weird interview with last week wrote a “glowing review” about our chat, so uh there’s that]

[edit 2, next evening: apparently I was supposed to have two interviews from Choice E, and the second person emailed me on a literal saturday morning but it’s not like I do anything particularly special on saturdays so I met with her a few hours after and it went well!  better than the other one lol (I think I just got antisocial academic vibes from that guy).  learned quite a bit about the program, so if I get in I feel like I’d just need to reach out to grad students to get the full picture.  Also btw I’m still runnin on a bit of a high from yesterday’s revelations :D  The urge to do a conciliatory Depop spree has subsided and in its place has quickly risen the urge to do a congratulatory Depop spree (which, tbh, getting a bunch of offers in a week deserves a bit more celebratory hoopla, I think.)]

[edit 3, an hour or so after edit 2: (at this point I should’ve just made a whole nother post for 2/11 but eh) I don’t really consider myself a person who thirsts after celebrities, I don’t watch fancams, uh, but The dvcree Pedro Pascal Edit is really well done and I kinda do love how it’s invaded my side of tiktok.  Haven’t seen The Mandalorian (not a Star Wars person), haven’t yet started The Last of Us (will in a few weeks I think), but I have seen Kingsmen 2 (and 1) and it was enjoyable (1 was really good).  k I’m done with this post I promise (also these “edits” fully could’ve been reblogs, but)]

[vigilantesyd]

You can feel how you feel about Taylor but she has never once mentioned the money or that status in fact she famously refuses to provide numbers to Forbes or anyone so they can get an accurate number and is also refusing to give Boxscore the Eras numbers. She is doing literally everything she can to minimize it - because most of her net worth is not liquid assets. So to divest any of it she would have to temporarily get much richer than she actually is. And more than half of the money comes from owning her masters (they calculate the “value” of the masters in her net worth) which means she’ll never see a dime of it because she’d die broke before she’d sell them.

As for speaking up about Palestine, while it might be nice, it is also very contrary to anything she has ever done before. She stays in her lane and doesn’t talk about things she knows she doesn’t know about. And after growing up with pro-Isr*el propaganda she is likely very uninformed on that topic. It may seem simple to talk about but lots of Pro-Palestine comments are also anti-Semitic. Lots of them. And she would want to be absolutely certain her words could not be twisted, because she’s been burned a lot.

So. If you’re still struggling you are. Loving her is not mandatory. Participating in her fandom is not mandatory. But it seems like you’re struggling with her not being who you want her to be, rather than being different than who she has always been.

i will respond to this politely because i am too old and quite frankly exhausted to be having stan wars, but just know that this came off very "shut up or unstan" and i don't think that's fair. i think i am absolutely allowed to, on my own blog, post how certain decisions she's made as of late have left a bad taste in my mouth. i believe i was pretty clear that i love her and believe she has good intentions. i love my friends and believe they are good people, but i would tell them and would hope they would tell me if they felt i was not upholding the ideals that i had always carried with me.

But it seems like you’re struggling with her not being who you want her to be, rather than being different than who she has always been.

my problem is that she IS different that who she has always claimed to be. ESPECIALLY with speaking out in regards to Palestine. the whole thesis of miss americana was that she was taking the muzzle off. what exactly has she said since then in powerful moments besides endorse joe biden in 2020 and told people to vote? and i'm not saying those were not powerful things, they worked, they did what they were supposed to. but it feels to me that ever since her fame sky rocketed again she's become too worried about her image and her empire to say anything about anything. and quite frankly, that's not an excuse when thousands of people are dying every day.

She stays in her lane and doesn’t talk about things she knows she doesn’t know about. And after growing up with pro-Isr*el propaganda she is likely very uninformed on that topic. It may seem simple to talk about but lots of Pro-Palestine comments are also anti-Semitic.

she is best friends with gigi hadid. if they are really as close as they've claimed to be all these years, you cannot tell me it has not come up in conversation. especially now. you are infantilizing her and honestly, sound like you're regurgitating israeli propaganda. it's not a complicated issue. anyone who says it is too complicated wants you to think you're too stupid to understand. it's very simple, actually, and even without knowing the history, she'd have to live under a rock to not know there is a genocide going on. she's not stupid. she's actually very very intelligent and we both know this. so let's not pretend she's stupid to justify her not speaking. and your comment about "lots of pro-palestine comments are also anti-semitic" is literally a zionist talking point and not true. saying that an entire population of people should not be wiped out or forcibly displaced is not anti-semitic and that's all anyone wants from her. calling for a permanent ceasefire is not anti-semitic. if that's how the other side wants to interpret it, there's nothing anyone can do about that. she didn't seem to have a problem with republicans or trump coming after her when it was convenient.

i'm not going to elaborate on the money issue because to be frank it does not matter to me the nuance of "oh it's actually her net worth and not liquid assets" because she still has an absolutely insane amount of money that she is clearly not doing enough to redistribute.

[raleighliving]

Killing the weed out paper

So, its been awhile. Understatement of the century I know but I wanted to get back into using this blog and I kept running into my own personal roadblock being:

>I promised an interesting read about weed-out courses >I said it would be coming out soon™ >OP never delivers

I really was working on it. I made lots of interesting progress, talked it around IRL/Reddit/Other places and even got to speak with a department head about the topic.

..but then nothing happened. I apologize for living up to the meme but between things going on in my personal life + having to shift some priorities + L + Ratio it just couldn't happen. So instead, here's a list of reasons why it couldn't happen in order of most to least importance (in my view).

Data Collection I posted on Reddit, talked with people, and collected data where I could but in the end, I only ended up getting maybe 15 people as my data points. If you've worked with data before, you'll know that when compared to the size of a college department it's not enough for an accurate sample I got to speak with plenty of lovely people from those 15 and saw some perspectives that disagreed with my thesis, but without a decent enough sample size, I may as well have just interviewed random pedestrians.

Work/Life Balance I started this blog partly as a chill activity for myself. I thought it would be cool if people read it, and if maybe it lead to something greater in the future, but as of now it's a Tumblr blog with zero monetization and I can't afford (literally) to write something so time-consuming or chase down leads if it gets in the way of work I do that DOES cut me a paycheck.

I don't think I should be the one to write this I was motivated by overhearing one too many conversations of people with genuine passion, and real joy in the field, feeling prematurely burnt out by the classes they were in. I wanted to look in, and see if I could verify what people were saying about courses at NCSU in the Physics department because I wanted to help where I could. But I'm not an investigative journalist, I'll probably never be one, and nothing I could write about the subject would do it justice (even if I had enough feedback from my interviews and surveys to write something). In the same way I wouldn't recommend fixing your own car engine without training, I feel that perhaps I shouldn't be writing about such a heavy topic/accusation without better data, understanding, and knowledge about the issue.

I will publish the interview I had with one of the Physics department people about this, but I'll be keeping it anonymous unless otherwise contacted because I don't know if anything has changed in the years since I spoke with them. I'm sorry to promise something big and not deliver, but hopefully I can use this as a learning experience.

learning not to bite off more than I can chew, not to punch above my weight limit, and hope that maybe someone reading this who does have the knowledge and connections can look into things and do a better job than I.

[blueskittlesart]

ooo i’m here for another google doc essay thesis on all the zelda trans narratives <33 lol cited sources and everything (if you have time of course, i love reading all of your headcanons on loz)

god. okay this is every mainline game ive played (excluding sequels with the same characters) except skyward sword because i forgot about it at first and now im tired. here

oot/mm

Basically the entirety of oot is a super-intense wartime coming-of-age story, dealing specifically with the trauma of losing one’s childhood to war/being a child in wartime. Any coming-of-age can be easily analyzed through a trans lens imo, but oot lends itself particularly well to this reading.

For the first nine years of his life, link is told that he is a kokiri. He spends all of his childhood trying desperately to fit in with the kokiri, even though he and the kokiri he grows up with can tell that he is out of place somehow. When he leaves the forest and grows up, it clicks into place that he was never kokiri. And it HURTS. He was lied to. But he suddenly finds himself BELONGING for the first time, among hylians. One of the most impactful npcs in the series is, imo, malon, who link bonds with, feels connected to, and who GROWS UP just like him. She is a representation of everything link gains by leaving the forest. The chance to grow up, and the chance to be among people like himself and understand for the first time who he truly is. 

I don’t think i have to explain the subtext i'm getting at here. Replace kokiri with gender-at-birth and you have yourself a trans story. 

There are also, of course, points to be made about link’s lack of bodily autonomy throughout the story and his reclamation of it in mm. Link is, in the eyes of basically every adult in oot, a pawn to be used to win a war. He is something to be molded into the shape THEY need him to be. This is a common conflict in loz--the hero NEEDS to be the hero, and so he is given no room to define himself otherwise. 

Again. Do i have to explain the trans reading of this?? Adults who feel entitled to you for whatever reason refusing to let you define yourself in a way that doesn’t appeal to them, and viewing you as an object to be shaped into THEIR perfect image. Classic trans kid experience. 

Zelda i think is even more obvious because she literally physically transes her gender in the game. For no reason. A female ninja would have been fine. Female ninjas exist in this world. Impa is the obvious example. Zelda became a boy because he wanted to be a boy. This is factual, canonical story. I dont even NEED to go on but i WILL because i can.

The subtextual reading of trans zelda is even more fun imo. This is a kid who grew up functionally powerless. She KNEW ganon was going to destroy hyrule but she could not make adults hear her, and when things went wrong it was her fault. Sheik is, in many ways, a rejection of zelda. She does away with the ancestral name denoting wisdom because she was not wise enough to save her kingdom from ruin. he chooses sheik instead, a name derived from the historic guardians of hylia, and by extension hyrule. he reclaims the power he lost by, again, defining himself where he was never allowed to before. 

Personally i consider oot zel to be nonbinary and use she/he and the names sheik and zelda interchangeably. I really love the idea of a kid who grew up with so little control over anything in her life taking it all back and then deliberately fucking with some established rules anyway, just as a little show of power now that he has it. It’s what she deserves. 

Alttp

A LOT of my reading in this is totally rooted in subtext/analysis rather than actual canon material. If you haven’t read my analysis of alttp in my analysis doc i suggest you do bc some of that context may be needed to explain what i say here, since alttp is an older game so there’s much less actual canon characterization to go off of. 

There is a moment in this game, once you have gone through several dungeons and claimed the master sword and fought the secondary antagonist twice, where link is transported into the dark world. A mirror dimension in which his human form is distorted into a form that “reflects his inner self.” He looks into the mirror and he does not recognize the person looking back at him. 

The form he takes is a rabbit, which is, in my opinion, a reflection of his inner fear and the fact that he doesn’t want to be a hero. This link is a young boy who basically loses the only family he has and is then instantly thrown into the midst of a conflict he doesn’t fully understand. 

There are two points to be drawn from this. The first is the distorted self-image revealed in the dark world, which. The connection to transgenderism should probably be obvious from here. I’d say looking in the mirror and not quite recognizing yourself is a near-universal trans experience. 

The second is that, although this game is much less obvious about it, this link is in a very similar situation to oot link, in that he has been thrown into a conflict he doesn't understand and doesn’t really have any stake in, in order to be used as a pawn to win a war. (worth noting that if we follow the timeline, oot link has to DIE for this game to happen. They never fucking learn ig) so we have a repeat of the same situation in which link’s autonomy is taken from him by adults who want him to be a hero. Ive already explained the trans reading of this. You get the idea

Im skipping zelda in this one because it came out in 1991 so zelda is barely a character. Shes trans because i say so. Next 

Tp

Twilight princess did not do very well on a multitude of things. We all know how i feel. HOWEVER. There is something to be said for the fact that when link approaches people in wolf form they recoil in fear and disgust. And he canonically doesn’t expect this. It disturbs him. He KNOWS these people. He’s still the same person inside. Nothing has changed for him except the way he looks. But now no one will so much as look at him. 

To be quite honest. The wolf form was a bit of a thematic L in my opinion. I don’t think it had much narrative purpose and my best guess is that it was there to give tp a “brand-new fun gameplay” draw. But the fact that everyone is TERRIFIED of you was a good choice imo. I wish it had been followed through on thematically but I digress. There is transgenderism here. When you go back to your hometown and nothing has changed, as far as you’re concerned, but people avoid your eyes now. You haven’t changed, not really. You just look a little different. But the people either hate you or don’t recognize you now, and in some ways you’re glad, but in other ways you feel… alien.  

Zelda also isn’t a real character in this game but it doesn’t get an excuse because it came out in fucking 2006. We knew women were people by then guys come on. Anyways shes also trans because i say so. I dont feel like thinking about twilight princess any longer lol sorry

Ww

Im going to start with zelda/tetra here because i have a lot more to say about her lmao

Tetra is a wild, loud, stubborn, angry pirate. She is the exact opposite of what your average hylian might imagine a goddess-blood princess to be. She’s rude, she’s volatile, she looks out for herself and no one else. This is an image she has curated. But she is also kind. She lets link on her ship when he begs her to help him save his sister. she slips him a good-luck charm before he storms the fortress. She takes aryll home and never asks for payment. She is a pirate, but she does these things that seem so strangely… at odds with herself. I think a lot of her tough exterior is a curated image, for the benefit of her crew, yes, but also herself. If she is stubborn and loud and angry and unlikable then she is less likely to get hurt.  

Tetra learns who she is, and she is suddenly a new person, a different person. She’s zelda. And she’s so CONFUSED. She tries her hand at being a princess. She sits and waits patiently for her hero to come back to her. But in the end, she can’t even do THAT right. Things go wrong again, all because of her.

During the final battle of this game, zelda fights alongside you with the bow of light. I believe this was one of the first games in which she does this. 

This is a nonbinary narrative. Tetra tries so hard to fit into one box or the other, princess or pirate, but can never quite master either. During the final confrontation, though, she finds a happy medium. She is kind, wise zelda, in her regalia with her hair untied, but she is also stubborn, angry tetra drawing her bow to fight alongside link. She will not be defined. 

she/they tetra ftw lol. anyways

Wind waker link honestly has much less textual evidence for me than like. Any other link because imo wind waker is almost completely a clear-cut coming-of-age. It’s very easy to read (almost) any coming-of-age as a trans narrative but much less easy to actually explain that read. 

My stance kind of boils down to this: link has a clear-cut arc of growth in this story from a weak, inexperienced kid into a soldier who is capable of taking on ganon. This arc is kickstarted by him leaving home and no longer being confined by the limited perspectives of the people he grew up around. Unlike other links, this one doesn’t have too much pressure on him to be a hero. In fact, I would consider his growth into a hero to be framed very positively in this game as it gives him the agency he lacked at the beginning. This is an interesting departure from most other games in which link lacks a lot of agency. 

Basically, i think that while most other games can be read as kind of… tragic trans stories, about the struggles of not being allowed to define yourself, etc, wind waker link is the story of a kid who is finally GETTING to define himself. It’s more similar to Majora's mask in that way, in that this kid has already HAD the chapter where he’s confined to other people’s expectations and is now beginning to break out of it and reclaim his own identity. 

Botw

Jesus. God almighty. Okay

Like. not to keep beating a dead horse but this link is the most obviously negatively affected by the expectations and perceptions of those around him. He explicitly goes mute BECAUSE he knows people expect him to be a hero above all else, and it will be easier to conform to that expectation if he keeps quiet. This poor boy is so terrified to be imperfect, to be something that hyrule might not like, that he SHUTS DOWN. he is essentially nothing BUT what hyrule wanted him to be, because he never allowed himself to be anything else. 

I have already explained the trans read of this. Reread ocarina of time’s segment. Holy SHIT. he is so transgender. Also he’s 5’2 and has shoulder-length hair come on

Side note but i think botw is cool because it explores BOTH facets of the usual loz narrative (lack of agency/reclamation of agency) within the same game, while most other games go for one or the other. When link loses his memories he is FORCED to define himself, as he has nothing to go on anymore, which is a reclamation of the agency he had lost pre-calamity. Essentially pre-calamity is the oot segment and post-calamity is the mm segment of the narrative. It’s cool. Anyways

Zelda. GOD.

She is not the daughter her father wanted. She knows this. She tries SO HARD for SO LONG to be the daughter her father wanted. But she can’t. She will never be good enough in his eyes. Eventually she gives up on doing exactly what he wants. She hopes she can win his approval in other ways, with things she is good at. Things she CAN do right. But it’s never enough for him because all he sees is the daughter he wanted. The daughter she should have been. He doesn’t care that she can’t. He only cares that she Is Not. she knows she will never win his approval but she keeps trying anyway. 

Do i really need to explain this. Babygirl you are so trans gender

[yanderememes]

Solitary Love Chapter 2 (Yandere Giorno x Reader)

I told yall chapter 2 be coming. I was worried I wouldn't be able to see this series through till the end which is why I hesitated to even start it. But I'm having so much fun writing it 😊. I'm hoping I can start writing more for other Jojos too!

As always, you are more than free to provide feedback on my writing (how to improve, etc) also on mistranslations on Italian or Italian culture I may have gotten wrong. Or just any comments on this series in general!

Enjoy darlings! ❤️

You were excited for today. The class finally had a day off. The professor had an idea to visit Italy to visit some of his colleagues and share their work with your class. You decided to tag along because it’s Italy for God’s sake! Who would pass up on the chance to visit one of the world’s most beautiful countries? Sure, a part of you came because you love what you study but you’d be lying if you said visiting Italy wasn’t a huge factor in travelling halfway across the world from your home country.

When you landed, the professor barely gave your class any time to enjoy the scenery and try out the delicious Italian cuisine. Your professor was so stuck-up. “Work first, play later,” was his motto. It had already been 2 days since you landed with your class. The first day was spent recovering from jetlag. The second day was to prepare for the conference and the rest of the remaining time actually going to the conference to present.

Finally, on the third day in you would get the chance to actually have fun and explore. After completing the conferences last night, your class had the opportunity to enjoy the rest of your school trip to Italy. You were staying at a modest hotel that wasn’t too far from Brera, Milan.

Pulling out for outfit for today and slinging your purse around your shoulder, you headed out with your class, excited to finally enjoy Italy for what it is and take a break from the dreaded school.

***

“Okay everyone, make sure you’re all back here within 2 hours okay? That’s 2 pm! The bus isn’t going to wait for you if you’re late.”

God, even on vacation, your professor was such a tightass.

“Come on, y/n! Let’s go!” it was clear your friend was excited. She had been wanting this more than you did since you arrived in Italy.

She dragged you by the arm and rushed around this beautiful neighbourhood. You were taken aback by its slick design and effortless style. The trees and greenery were in full bloom, the air smelled fresh. It was hot since its summer, but there was a nice breeze swinging along that made the heat durable. Your thesis was finished and now your just having fun with your friends and class in one of the world’s most breathtaking countries.

‘Life couldn’t be better.’ you thought to yourself.

***

You stepped to the sidelines of the neighbourhood to rest a little. Your friend quite literally dragged you around and made you try or buy anything. You were having fun but you needed to catch your breath. You decided to take this time to yourself while your friend was in the bathroom.

“Ah, well it’s certainly nice to see you here, signora.” you hear a voice say.

Turning your head to the direction of where you heard the voice, you spot the same tall blonde man you’ve met before. Oh! It was that man from the conference hall that night!

“Salve di nuovo (hello again), signor…?”

“Giorno is fine.” he smiled

First name basis? That was quick. This was only the 2nd time you met. But whatever floats his boat you guess.

“Salve di nuovo (hello again), Giorno. What brings you here?”

“Just wanted to do some sightseeing. And yourself?”

“Me too! I’m here with my class to walk around Brera.”

“Having any fun?”

“Yes. A lot of fun.” you chuckled. “Just taking a break and waiting for my friend.”

“They left you?”

Left you? That’s a weird way of putting it. His tone sounded completely harmless but the words were unsettling. You brushed it off, thinking it might be how Italians are direct communicators.

“Uh, no they didn’t leave me. Haha… they’re in the washroom right now.” you pray he didn’t catch how nervous you felt with his statement. Though you were pretty sure it became obvious with your nervous laughter.

Giorno did seem to notice and changed the topic to something else. So you don’t like it when others talk poorly about your friends. Giorno made a mental note of that.

“I don’t think I got a chance to ask you, signora. But why are you studying psychology, if you don’t mind me asking.”

“You can call me y/n.” You were debating if you should tell him or not. But whatever, it wouldn’t kill you to answer truthfully. “I’m hoping to become a counsellor in the future. Once I graduate, I want to help others with their own struggles. But I think I’d like to focus more on trauma and abuse.”

Giorno always had a knack for spotting lies and reading people. He gained this skill because of his step-father. His line of work pulls this skill out of him where he’s a master at this point. But Giorno could tell you weren’t lying. You were speaking from the heart and meant everything you said.

It surprised him. Many times, when you ask someone why they decided to pursue a certain career or passion, they always lie and say something obnoxious like “I want to give back to my community” or “I just want to help, I don’t need anything in return”.

Lies. All lies.

There’s no truth in their statements. They’re only saying it to make themselves look good. But what they truly desired was always the same thing: money, power, fame. Giorno has met lots of people and they all fall under that blanket. Rarely were there people like Bucciarati who actually wanted to better the lives of others. Giorno thought he may never meet someone like him again. Until now.

“It’s important to you?” he inquired.

“It’s my dream.”

His eyes widen a bit. He didn’t say anything in response to you. But it was almost like something ‘clicked’ in him. He knew what he wanted to do next.

“y/n!!! I’m back! I think the time’s almost up. We should get going so we don’t miss the bus. I’m not trying to walk back to our hotel! I would have come out soon if there wasn’t such a long lineup.” your friend screamed while running towards you.

You turned your head and nodded at her. You were completely distracted by your friend’s screaming.

“Give me a second! I’ll be right there,” you scream back at her and return your attention to Giorno. “Well, È stato bello rivederti (it was nice seeing you again), Giorno.”

“Il piacere è tutto mio, y/n (the pleasure was all mine)” he said, grabbing your right hand and kissing it.

You were taken aback by his sudden gesture but accepted it nonetheless. It would be rude of you to dismiss it since you were quite sure this is Italian culture.

You nod your head and retract your hand from his. Turning away and waving goodbye as you returned to your friend.

***

The day was practically over and your class had travelled a lot today. So it was time to settle back in your hotel and rest for the night.

As you were rummaging through your purse to prepare for your night routine, you noticed something missing.

That’s strange. Where did your pocket mirror go? Sure, it’s small but not small enough for it to be stolen unnoticed. The robber would have to go deep into your purse to get their hands on it. But you had your purse on you the whole day. How could it have been stolen?

“Everything okay, y/n?” your friend asks

“Did any of you guys see my pocket mirror? I know I packed it before we got on the plane,” you asked your roommates.

“It’s not in your purse?”

“No. But I know I packed it.”

“You should be more careful. There’s a lot of good pickpockets here. They’ll try to distract you and then BAM! Your wallet is gone!”

You sigh. You heard about the pickpocketing here in Italy but didn’t think it would have happened to you. You should have been more cautious. Tourists are the number one target for robbers in any country. You just can’t believe you got robbed in broad daylight in a foreign country. The pocket mirror had little worth compared to the other things you packed in your luggage but it didn’t feel good to be robbed.

Before taking another sigh, you felt something move along your right hand. Looking down you see a ladybug crawling across your fingers.

It’s so cute. Though you have to wonder where did it come from? No matter the case, you decide to set it free by opening the window and sticking your hand out. Giving your fingers a little tug to signal the little insect to fly, the ladybug opened its wings and flew away.

Once you confirmed the ladybug had flown away, you shut the windows and walk back to your friends. Not knowing that the ladybug was flying to a certain someone.

[starlighthan]

PAUWI SA IYO

TRANSLATION: ON MY WAY HOME TO YOU

pairing: non-idol!minho and gender-neutral!reader

genre: fluff, established relationship, university au

warnings: none

word count: 1.3k words

synopsis: just minho taking you home late at night from a date through the use of a jeepney. basically how you two commute to your home in filipino style <3

note: did i just reveal where i’m from with this fic? yes. am i proud of making this fic bc i literally had lino brainrot a few days ago with this scene in mind? yes. i hope u guys enjoyed this! i am actually in love with this minho help me

© starlighthan - all rights reserved. please do not copy, translate, modify, repost, or claim as yours.

you thanked the attendant who accompanied you all the way until you got out of the restaurant. closing the door, you see the slippery concrete just a few steps away in front of you.

“what a great night. that restaurant was just crazy and now it’s raining,” minho mutters to himself.

you absently pulled minho’s back and search for the folding umbrella in his backpack. “i’m sorry, the date tonight wasn’t as good as expected. i really thought that chinese restaurant would give us peace for a while. seemed like a lot of students hung out there too.”

both of you decided to go to that chinese restaurant because people usually don’t go there. the small shop’s a few streets away from your uni and it’s surrounded by nothing. in that long street, that restaurant was the only business open until midnight.

you give him a weak smile as you hold minho’s hand tightly, “sure, it was overwhelming. but it doesn't mean the date didn’t go well. i still enjoyed it with you.”

minho felt his cheeks heat up with the last thing you said. he still gets flustered easily because of you after all these years. your nice words never failed him to feel warm for a bit.

as comforting as it sounds despite the chaos in those four walls, you meant your words. the rowdy students may have ruined the ambiance, but it did not take away the fun you had chatting and feeding each other those amazing dumplings. being together was enough even if the two of you wanted a chill atmosphere in the first place.

“plus, i was expecting that anyway. it’s the weekend, which means a lot of students like us would go out and spend some time with their family, friends, or partners.”

the sidewalk is close to pitching black, you really just can’t see anything along the way except that small glow a streetlight was shining a few steps before you. minho was just smiling at you in the dark over the firm hold you have on his hand.

“i’ll take you somewhere nicer next time,” he softly tells you, rubbing the top of your hand with his thumb. minho glances at you and reassures you enough with the glimmer in his eyes filled with hope, “this time, nothing would get in our way of enjoying several hours of quality time.”

you smile at him, quickly dropping it with an expressionless face. “deal with your thesis presentation first,” minho’s smile drops, “then i’ll let you take us out for a date.”

he groans, “not that! the presentation’s still in three weeks! i could deal with that in 2 weeks.”

“says the person who complains all night every time he has to procrastinate a major project! i won’t let that happen again to you, lee,” you push him to the edge of the restaurant’s platform. you might have gone completely mental for that, you just thought of having some fun to take away his disappointment.

hearing his protests of you pushing him away from the restaurant’s awning just made you giggle. maybe there was this tempt inside you to have some fun with him under the rain. even if you wanted to, you didn’t go for it since it’s dangerous to simply be outside at night.

“what are you doing? why are you pushing me away from the shade? it’s raining!” a perplexed minho pushes against you, “i don’t want to get wet, hey!”

you let him go to raise your hand. he also drops his hands from you out of confusion, making you laugh. “what’s wrong with you today? you look so tired just a few moments ago and now you’re a weird laughing mess.”

“look behind you,” you tell him, still laughing over how confused he was about your actions. you were raising your hand to get the attention of the jeepney that was running on the road alone.

minho turns his back and the jeep surprises him with its blinding headlights, holding your waist as a habit from protecting you from almost every potential external threat. you pulled his hand a bit, implying to get into the vehicle right away to not get drenched.

“it’s just the two of us, then,” minho mumbles, finding his wallet in the backpack on his lap. you agree, moving yourself to the front to give the driver your pay. “i’m paying this time.”

minho glances at you and groans once again. he grumbles, “right when i pulled out my wallet from my bag, thanks.”

as you carefully move back next to him, you found minho holding onto the metal bars above you. you decided to do the same when you comfortably sat on your seat already.

there’s this exhilarating feeling from the wind coming from the wide windows in front and behind you. the jeep was scaringly speeding through the roads a little faster than usual. the cold breeze comforted you in a sense.

despite the darkness covering the buildings and streets, you didn’t mind your lack of awareness of where you’re going already.

maybe this time, you’re a little careless and carefree. you don’t know if fatigue’s kicking in or you don’t care about anything at the moment.

minho notices your drowsy eyes, head almost falling down to the front. with your hand on the metal bar only keeping you away from banging your head to the seats in front of you, minho quickly snakes his arm to your waist.

“i got you, i got you,” he whispers to you. he drops your barely hanging hand above you and leans your body back.

without understanding any of the gibberish that comes out of your mouth, he shushes you, gently pulling you closer to him. “loosen up yourself a bit, get some rest.”

you responded quickly, leaning your head to the window railing behind you.

still, minho’s arm is still around your waist. he brings up his other arm to lightly put your head on his shoulder. “that should do. please do take a nap, _____.”

you nod, some hairs falling in front of your face from the small movement.

minho is hesitating a little bit whether to make another move or not. he didn’t want to move that much so you would have some sleep during the long ride. your place is near the last stop of the jeepney’s route anyways. he wouldn’t like to see you stir up from your sleep just because he moved, the jeep itself is moving too fast after all.

even if he had a whole monologue of him not bothering your short quality sleep, he still decided to do something. slowly raising his hand once again, he softly moves the hair out of your face.

the dim lights of the jeepney inside somehow shine near your face, enough for minho to admire such beauty like you.

the loving eyes are there the whole time. he looks away every few minutes just to look at the windows and barely familiarizes himself with which stop are they in already.

you are sound asleep, and he’s relieved that you got some time off from all of the things you did today. he’s aware that your date wasn’t the only thing you attended to for the day.

unconsciously grinning, he mumbles, “i’ll just wake you up when we’re home. thank you for today.”

the final move minho takes is a sweet kiss on your head. then he’s off to leaning his head on top of yours, shutting his eyes to take in the absolute comfort he feels in this moment.

just a little while, you’ll be home. yet, isn’t home already with you?

[kitsunefyuu]

Dad for One and the Ship thesis

Sample Size of true believers: 40

Unsure DFO: 4

Ship Categories:

TDDK: 25 (DFO believers) Plus 2 (Unsure DFO believers)

IzuOcha: 14 (DFO Believers) Plus 1 (Unsure)

BakuDeku: 6 (DFO believers) Plus 1 (Unsure)

ShinDeku:15 (DFO Believers)

AoDeku/Dekuyama: 10 (DFO Believers)

I wish there had been more samples but honestly this is what I suspected. While you all were probably thinking this is to find the most popular ship-  Note some do over lap because I made the TERRIBLE mistake of not clarifying only two ships. So if they don’t add up- That’s why oppsie.

I narrowed it down to five popular ships. As honestly I was trying to find out the least popular ship that usually very popular. It was to find out which ship happens to have the weakest in this and actually there were some very interesting comments.

A lot of BKDK ships mentioned not keeping up or just being tired of TDDK but the thing is Bakudeku is the most popular ship on tumblr. Which seems to imply if they kept up with the series it possibly it might change IF kept to the DFO theory. So I have some thoughts of how most DFO seem to perceive this specific ship.

I only counted those that were 100% believers since that is what is relevent to the topic. So those that don’t want it canon nor believe in it aren’t counted but those unsure were semi-counted.

Note I am not a professional I am someone who took AP Psychology and got a scholarship for it but that’s it. I’m no actual psychologist or scientist. This is also just my thoughts and should not be the end all be all. All ships are valid.

Now how can ships be related to Izuku’s dad being All for One you ask? Especially if kept with the chapters?

Lack of BakuDeku in DFO:

Actually a lot, because the implications of AFO being Izuku’s dad also means was in close proximity to Bakugo. That he watched and probably grew a special hatred to him. I mean this man got one of the childhood ‘friends’ and turned into a Nomu. Rest in Peace Tsubasa you were literally a child.

It only because of Izuku’s constant proximity that Bakugo wasn’t taken out. Now you think, wouldn’t that mean people ship it more since Izuku’s protecting him?

Actually, it’s the opposite! Because of Bakugou’s bullying constantly along with Izuku trying so hard to fit in to be friends it actually be terrible if suddenly disappeared. He wasn’t purposely protecting him it was literally the circumstances that protected him. Think of it from the point of view of a parent watching someone bully your kid and unable to do anything.

Everyone follows to Bakugou’s beat, he’s the leader, the cool kid, the prodigy. Do you think they would just ‘stop’ bullying Izuku when he’s gone? Hell no, now there is no ‘leader’ to construct how to bully and it could get worst. While Izuku might have become traumatized because the one he admires is gone.

Izuku is a quirkless kid and Bakugou may be a little monster but he is likely what keeps others from doing worst. Despite being the little bastard that started it.

But also, Izuku DOES admire him. He wants to surpass him and taking him out would do nothing but hurt him.

Most DFO Believers that don’t like Bakugou are begrudgingly dealing with the ‘perfect’ boy Bakugo like All for One is. Izuku admiration isn’t something that is ignored we all are aware and see that but we also can’t ignore the ten years of verbal abuse and bullying either. So in a weird way All for One is also a good way to channel that disgust without hating on him.

As how it seems Bakugo can never do anything wrong. Everyone loves him, in the manga, outside the manga, the damn classmates! He’s ridiculously talented while Izuku has to work super hard for everything he does. Bakugou never deals with consequences for his action and all we ever got was a Sorry when IZUKU is already feeling like crap as a vigilante.

Honestly I love Bakugou as a character but I can’t ship him with Izuku because of these specific issues. The only problem he had was with All Might having to save him, but that isn’t even his fault. Believing in DFO is also having to deal with the idea that the man would probably be trying to murder Katsuki out of a ‘fatherly’ desire to protect his kid.

However, for some maybe they enjoy that dramatic. The Dad unable to forgive the bully even if just reforms can be a interesting shipping dynamic. But it definitely not a popular one if you see if from a parents perspective. But for those younger or more wild in their shipping that sounds like a good time and why people could ship it even in a DFO setting!

But believing in DFO is also acknowledging there a eldritch like villain that would very much kill Bakugou Katsuki in a more personal horrific sense. Which might not be someone cup of tea.

MEANWHILE IN CONTRAST:

The most popular ships are Tododeku. With ShinDeku and IzuOcha behind but what do they have in common?

They all have GOOD relations with Izuku. There is no animosity between them, history or anything and they get along genuinely. There is no bad blood and Izuku has actively shown to enjoy being around them.

This shows that they want Izuku to be happy, they want him to be with someone without that history. The reason Todoroki is most popular is BECAUSE of his own family issues. Shoto Todoroki had a very abusive father in Endeavor who pushed him harder then most when was so small till he puked.

What cemented his popularity is during the fight, Izuku could have won. No seriously if he went all out could have punched Shoto RIGHT out of the field before could have realized it. But instead he dragged it out trying to get him to turn on his fire and he SUCCEEDED.

He made him lose his fire and Shoto smiled because in that moment he forgot his father. This is similar to ShinDeku but Deku didn’t break his bones for him like did with Shoto and did beat his ass.

Many can see the charm of Shoto ride or die personality coming through when his dad is revealed. That he could looks at Izuku and say he is nothing like his dad and mean it. Because Izuku is the one that TAUGHT him that.

Actually it also why Shinsou popular because Izuku did help him to become a hero in that fight. Can see why todoshindeku is popular.

The other Popular ships is IzuOcha is also built on the idea of they just want Izuku to be happy. To be with someone soft who can take care of him and while many likes TDDK they are ok if he ends up with Ochaco. Because she is a really sweet person who would treat him right.

If I had a bigger sample I suspected there be a lot more people with this ship but as it stands my sample is small. Tho can see many who aren’t big shippers do seem to like it too. Since they are very ‘canonly’ even if they have different ships preferred.

These are the ships that a All for One would approve of if wasn’t being evil and all. Haha!

Some Honorable mentions, Shigaraki & Deku. There aren’t many but some like the hero/villain dynamic and drama that entails. 

Tho I can only imagine how awkward AFO would be having to pretend he totally doesn’t know Deku. He has no idea what you’re talking about-

Now AoDeku:

While it definitely jumped up in popularity it not as popular as I suspected. Note I couldn’t include every ships so tried to pick ones that people called special attention toward and this is one.

Now this is interesting because if you believe in Dad for One oh boy! That is a fun ride because this big scary supervillain forced this kid to watch Izuku. 

This kid likely has no idea WHY or for what purpose he is to be sent to this school. Also if Izuku looks like AFO is likely stressed wondering if is his kid but no way is he going to ask. While Izuku just happily thinking they are friends.

That is a GREAT dynamic. It like having a boyfriend/friend that your dad paid to hang out with you and the drama.

It can also be quite cute because Aoyama isn’t really a bad person he was just forced to do bad things. While not as popular as the TDDK I can say the potential it has is likely why it’s quite popular in the DFO fandom.

Conclusion:

This experiment was mostly to see if the most popular ship on tumblr BakuDeku was also in the DFO community. The fact it isn’t and most people that ship that seem either iffy or just not believers seems to show either they don’t want to think too hard about the DFO connection. Or because looking into DFO also dissects the traits of Izuku, it shows that a lot of insecurities is from the bullying it might discourage people.

It’s hard to tell and likely because I should have also asked why they like a ship how it would fit with a DFO belief.

While the most popular ships ironically don’t have as much drama or bad blood so can focus more on dealing with evil as heck father. Rather then any baggage between them along with over protective dad.

Also, everyone just REALLY likes the solidarity of our Dad sucks! That would occur between Shoto and Izuku.