#lmao at the end you can hear me telling my sister about him seeing me blowing a kiss and then doing the same | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

the-boy-meets-evil · 1 month

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not according to plan | hjs

summary: your ex-fiance is getting married and everyone you know is going to be there. when he calls to ask if you're coming, you accidentally mention a boyfriend. which would be fine, if you weren't very single. thankfully your best friend comes through with the perfect solution when he sets you up with a friend of his. what could possibly go wrong?

pairing: joshua x f.reader genre: fake dating, strangers to friends to ?? | fluff, slight angst, smut rating: explicit, minors DNI word count: ~22.1k notes/warnings: johnny suh as the ex-fiancee (sorry, he's not great in this), other idols born in '95 used as background characters, mentions of past cheating, food & alcohol, lots of "dates", reader is referenced as coming from a rich family, mention of being an escort (minus the sex?) smut warnings: making out, multiple smut scenes (kind of, it could be a continuation), multiple orgasms, teasing, they're both v obsessed with each other's bodies, protected sex, fingering, nipple play, oral sex (f. receiving), scratching/marking, squirting, overstimulation, use of lube, i think that's it (but let me know if it's not)

author's note: this fic is dedicated to the lovely @shuadotcom, i'm so sorry it took me literal months to finish fake dating!joshua but here we are anyway. i'm not sure how this one got so away from me either lmao. banner credit to the beautiful @wongyuseokie who (again) did this very last minute. thank you to @wonwussy & @kwanisms for the mid-fic beta. thank you to @wooahaeproductions, @horanghater, @cheolism, & @hannieween for listening to me talk about this and helping with things like petnames & dates.

taglist at the end (& join my permanent taglist here)

“It’s fine, it’s been years and I’m over it. Plus, I’ve been seeing someone anyway and he’s great. So I wasn’t ignoring your invite,” you say without a second thought.

It’s just a stream of consciousness. The lie comes flying out of your mouth faster than your brain can process it. That’s exactly what it is, too. A lie. You’re not seeing anyone and haven’t been in a serious relationship since the person on the other end of the call broke your heart.

“Oh, wow, sorry, I didn’t mean to…well, I didn’t know. My mom didn’t say anything when she said she had spoken to your mom about whether or not you were coming to the wedding,” Johnny says with a little bit of ramble.

“You know how my mom can be, I haven’t had the chance to tell her yet,” you deflect.

“I’m happy for you, then,” Johnny says.

“Thanks, I’m happy for you, too,” you force out. Somehow, it doesn’t sound like the lie you know that it is.

“So, it’s not weird, then? I mean our moms are best friends, so the rest of your family is all going to be there. A lot of your friends will be there. I know you haven’t RSVP’d yet, but…” Johnny starts.

“Nope! Not weird at all,” you utter, hoping that your voice sounds even. “It’d be weirder if I wasn’t there, right?”

“Probably, yeah,” Johnny says. “That’s great, though. Do you want me to mark you down as a yes? I can even add a plus-one, if you want to bring your partner.”

“That’s so thoughtful, but I wouldn’t want to put you out. I know how expensive weddings can be,” you say and try to sound sincere.

“No, it’s no issue, actually. We have a few extra seats that we left just in case we forgot someone or didn’t know about someone’s partner,” Johnny presses. “So we’ll see you both there?”

“Yeah, you will,” you hurry out. This conversation needs to be over.

It’s only an hour after hanging up with your ex-fiancee that your mom calls to tell you she can’t believe she had to hear it from Mrs. Suh that you’re dating someone. Which includes a whole lot of deflecting and promises about when she can meet this mystery man. Another twenty minutes after you hang up with your mom, you get a pointed text from your younger sister. The two of you haven’t ever been all that close, so she shouldn’t be surprised that you haven’t mentioned him. She made her side pretty clear when she maintained her friendship with Johnny’s new fiancée. That new fiancee, a close friend of your sisters, also just so happened to be the girl he cheated on you with. So, she can hardly expect to have a close sister bond. Yet, she seems oddly suspicious that she didn’t know you were seeing someone seriously.

Your quiet Saturday afternoon turns into a full blown headache all thanks to one call from the asshole that you really thought you left in the past. Of course, now is the perfect time for him to pop back up. Now, when you’re even between any sort of casual sex. Now, when you don’t even have someone that you can call up to pretend to date you. This is going to be one of the worst calls that you have to make when you have to admit you made it all up, that you will absolutely not be showing your face at the wedding, and you will also be changing your name before moving away.

For now, you do the only thing that you can think of doing. You call the only person that can give you any perspective on this whole fucking disaster.

“Well hello,” your best friend answers.

“Jeonghan, I fucked up,” you say without preamble.

“This is gonna be good,” he responds.

“I just got off the phone with my mom,” you begin.

“What did she want?” he asks, knowing that it won’t be anything good.

“Well, you know, to talk about this new boyfriend of mine,” you continue.

“You haven’t dated anyone in forever,” Jeonghan chuckles.

“Thank you for that,” you snark. “And then, of course, I get a text from my perfect sister wondering why she’s also just hearing about this boyfriend of mine.”

“Why do your sister and your mom think you’re dating someone?” Jeonghan asks.

“Oh, well, you know. Johnny called today,” you offer.

“Fuck that guy,” Jeonghan interjects.

“He wanted to know why I hadn’t responded to his wedding invite and assumed it was awkward because I was single, so I told him I was seeing someone,” you finally finish.

“For fuck’s sake,” Jeonghan says into the silence and you can imagine his face.

“Right? My life is a fucking mess and now Johnny thinks that I’m bringing my boyfriend,” you groan.

“I’ll start planning the story for why you suddenly left town,” Jeonghan says.

“For real, my life is over,” you whine.

“What are you gonna do?” Jeonghan asks softly.

This is really why you called him. Jeonghan is a shithead, sometimes, and he can be a bit of a chaos demon. He also can be a bit of a schemer, especially when it comes to winning a game. But, he’s unfailingly kind and caring to the people he holds dear. He absolutely hates getting into any kind of real conflict with his friends. There’s that whole side to him that honestly wouldn’t hurt a fly and always has a way to comfort. That’s the side that you get now.

“I don’t know,” you answer, voice just as quiet. “I’m just…I don’t want to let him win, you know?”

And Jeonghan does know. You’ve been friends since before you started dating Johnny. Even though he never liked him, Jeonghan supported you in your relationship. When Johnny proposed, he called your other friends and set up the best engagement party anyone could ask for. From the outside, nobody would ever know that he hated your partner. Honestly, he’s the best friend anyone in the world could ask for.

Before he got around to setting up the bridal shower, which he’d been quietly planning for months, your whole world turned upside down. Johnny cheated, had been cheating awhile, actually, and Jeonghan was there to pick up the pieces. Somehow, he was the only one that seemed to make it better, probably because he didn’t want to act like things were okay when they weren’t. It was easy to cry in front of him, easy to be vulnerable, easy to just let the process play out so you could heal. Even though he never liked Johnny, he also didn’t say he told you so. This had never been something that crossed his mind.

“Okay, you’re gonna hate it, but I have an idea,” Jeonghan says.

“Those are never comforting words coming from you,” slips out of your mouth.

“Usually I’d yell at you, but…” he trails off.

“I swear, if you’re about to say that we pretend to be dating like some romcom, I will hang up the phone,” you warn.

“First of all, that’s rude, I’m a great boyfriend,” Jeonghan says.

“I never said you weren’t, Hannie, you know I think you’re gorgeous,” you sigh.

“That’s true, I am,” Jeonghan says through a laugh.

“But, I also know you remember what an unmitigated disaster it was when we fucked,” you point out, earning an even louder laugh.

“Wow, and here I thought that it was actually great sex,” he says.

“I’m not gonna keep stroking your ego, I already admitted you were gorgeous. I don’t need to praise the sex, too,” you declare.

“Stroking my…come on, you’re making it too easy,” Jeonghan points out.

“Funny, because I remember you being the easy one that night,” you say, finally managing to get a shot in.

“I hate you,” Jeonghan snorts.

“I know,” you answer. “Didn’t you say that you had an idea?”

Jeonghan clears his throat. “Right, yeah. Well, I know this guy and maybe he can help you out.”

“What is he, an escort?” you snort out.

“Do you want my help or not?” Jeonghan asks.

“Yoon Jeonghan, are you about to set me up with an escort?” you challenge.

“No, of course not, just trust me,” he says.

Just trust me might be the three most terrifying words that could come out of Jeonghan’s mouth, especially when you’re not usually on the receiving end of his schemes. It’s not like you have much choice, though. The wedding is in six weeks and you have to find a solution, fast. So, what choice do you have other than trusting your best friend? How could this go wrong?

You still think this is a terrible idea, yet agree to meet Jeonghan’s friend, Joshua, anyway. Apparently, he’s somewhat new to the area, doesn’t know many people, and is incredibly easy to be around. There’s no mention of why Jeonghan thinks he might be willing to pretend to be your boyfriend. A part of you wonders if your friend even told him, but he’s not that cruel. So, whatever the case, Joshua must at least have some idea of what he’s walking into.

Several days pass between the nightmare of a call from Johnny and you actually meeting Joshua, which only adds to your anxiety about whether or not this is going to work. Johnny is asking for a name for the seating chart and for dinner selections. Your mom wants to know when they’ll be able to meet this new boyfriend before the wedding (because “meeting him for the first time at a wedding is gauche” and we wouldn’t want that). Your sister is convinced that he doesn’t actually exist since you haven’t posted him on social media. That you can at least answer to say that not everyone posts their entire life online like she does. It doesn’t seem to allay her suspicions, though.

Then, there’s the fact that you’re actually meeting Joshua for the first time at dinner. All you wanted was to go for coffee, yet he insisted. You couldn’t exactly press the point. Not when you’re planning to ask this stranger to pretend to date you just so that you can avoid the embarrassment at your ex’s wedding. On top of that, because Jeonghan really is a demon at his core, you don’t know what Joshua looks like. Don’t know who to look for. Which leads to you doing the only sensible thing and showing up 5 minutes late for dinner, hoping that he’ll already be at the table when you get there.

It works.

When you give the reservation name at the host stand, you’re immediately led back to a table. Without even thinking about it, you smooth your hands down the front of your dress, looking for a small amount of comfort in this situation. It’s not even that you struggle around new people, this is just…well, it’s a lot. It’s out of anyone’s comfort zone. Whatever you’re expecting, it’s not the man sitting at the table the host leads you to. He nearly stops you in your tracks.

His black hair is perfectly styled down to the pieces on one side that come down over his forehead. The black dress shirt he wears is open at least one button too many, but he makes the exposed chest look work in a way models would envy. Even though his pants are black as well, he makes it look classic and effortless, rather than too dark. That’s all without even acknowledging the soft smile on his face. This man would break a thousand hearts without even saying a damn word. While you’re appreciating him, you miss the way his eyes rake over you appreciatively. Miss the way his eyes trace your curves and the way the dress clings to you.

In one fluid motion, he’s standing up to greet you, a gentle kiss placed on your cheek. Is it weird if your knees are a little weak? Well, even if it is, there’s nothing you can do. You’re completely captivated.

“You must be Joshua,” you say. Brilliant, you think. That’s obvious.

“It’s nice to meet you. Jeonghan had nothing but good things to say,” he answers with another smile as he pulls your seat out for you.

“I feel like he hardly told me about you,” you respond. Joshua raises a perfect eyebrow at that.

“Then why did you agree to go out with me?” Joshua asks.

“Go out with…is this a date?” The question comes tumbling out.

Joshua’s eyes widen in genuine confusion. “Is it not?”

“What, exactly, did Jeonghan say to you?”

A lot and nothing at all, it turns out. Joshua tells you about how he’s somewhat new to the area, which you knew. About how he met Jeonghan through work, kind of. They work in the same building doing very different things and happened to run into each other getting coffee a handful of times before Jeonghan introduced himself. The two had hung out several times, something Jeonghan had not really mentioned, and gotten to know each other over drinks more than once. The very first time, Jeonghan had mentioned you and Joshua admits immediately being intrigued without pressing for more information.

In any case, Jeonghan talked about you pretty freely, a fact that’s hardly surprising. Before Joshua texted you, Jeonghan had mentioned, in what Joshua calls an offhand way, that you were sick of dating the same people. According to Joshua, through Jeonghan, you were looking to possibly be set up. (Read: Jeonghan thinks he’s crafty and isn’t going to come out and tell this man what you’re really looking for. Typical Jeonghan, honestly. You know that “offhand comment” was anything but. And you had the audacity to think Jeonghan would have to tell Joshua what he’s getting into. Rookie move.)

Now you’re in a bit of an awkward situation because this man is honestly gorgeous, one of the prettiest humans you’ve ever met. And, already, he seems like he might be sweet with a pretty good sense of humor. It’s just…well, you’re absolutely not looking for a relationship and this is the last person you want to get involved in your mess. Thankfully, you get a moment to catch your breath when someone comes by to take a drink order and suggest an appetizer. It’s just enough time for you to talk yourself into telling Joshua the real story.

To his credit, he only looks mildly surprised as you outline your whole situation, inform him that yes, Jeonghan does know all of this, and clarify why you didn’t actually realize it was a date. It’s hard to miss the way his eyes seem to sparkle a bit when you also admit that he’s absolutely stunning in a way that hurts your feelings. Easier to miss is the way his face barely falls when you say that you’re not actually looking for something right now. Interesting.

“So that’s the whole thing and now that I’ve embarrassed myself in front of you, I’m sure you’ll understand if we never see each other after tonight,” you finish.

“How am I supposed to go to a wedding as your boyfriend in a matter of weeks if we don’t see each other after tonight?” Joshua wonders.

“I…what?” you sputter out.

“Well, sure, we need to work out a few details, but I’m game,” Joshua says with a shrug.

“I’m sorry, I think I’m just really confused?” You don’t even have food yet and this is already the most interesting date you’ve been on, possibly ever.

“I, uh, may have left a part of my past out when I was sharing what Jeonghan knew about me,” Joshua says. “And honestly, I can’t believe I didn’t catch it or that he did this. I’d be mad if I wasn’t so impressed by how crafty it was.”

“I’m going to need you to connect some dots for me,” you admit. “Oh and also never tell Jeonghan you appreciate him being crafty. His ego is too big as it is.”

“The first time Jeonghan and I hung out, we went out for drinks, got a little wasted, and I told him about how I got through my university studies without any debts,” Joshua says, pausing long enough for someone to set the appetizer down. “He’s observant, Jeonghan, I’ll give him that. He noticed I had designer clothes, shoes, that kind of thing. And he noticed I didn’t pay attention to the prices of the drinks. So I made a vague comment about being lucky to have found a way through my studies without taking out loans.”

“I’m sure he asked you about that, he loves it when he thinks there’s a scheme,” you note with a smile.

“You’re right about that,” Joshua agrees. “So I, well I told him. When I was in school, I met this woman out one night and she paid me to go to events with her. She wanted, and these were her words, ‘someone young and hot’ with her. And the next four years, that’s what I did. I let people pay for me to go to events with them. Never more than that. I was clear that I wasn’t selling sex or anything, just company.”

You lean back in your seat with an appraising look. “An entrepreneur from the beginning.”

“Hey, no judgment,” Joshua says. All you can do is smile.

“I’m not judging, that was really smart and you’re obviously attractive enough for it,” you acknowledge.

“Thank you,” Joshua says. It doesn’t have the air of cockiness Jeonghan’s answer would. He actually seems sincere in accepting the compliment.

“But, I’m still not going to pay you to pretend to be my boyfriend,” you say, even if it’s a bit reluctant.

“I wasn’t asking you to,” Joshua shrugs. “You don’t have to pay me.”

“Why would you offer to pretend to do something like this? You don’t even know me,” you point out.

“No, I don’t. But, you seem like a good person. And I like Jeonghan, he’s nice…” Joshua says, stopping when you try to cover a scoff.

“Nice?” you question when you’re caught.

“Wrong word choice,” Joshua dismisses. “He seems like the kind of person that’s a loyal friend, like he would go into battle to protect you. Like someone you can actually trust.”

“He is all of those things, yeah,” you admit.

“And if those things are true, then him holding you out as his best friend means you’re probably all of those things too,” Joshua reasons.

“I try to be,” you agree.

“Plus, Jeonghan did mention you had seriously dated someone that was pretty rich, so I figure it’s probably the guy getting married and it’ll be a nice wedding,” Joshua says with a smile. The joke is obvious by the look in his eyes.

“It’s interesting that he mentioned Johnny, that’s my ex, being rich,” you idly comment.

“Is he not?” Joshua wonders.

“Jeonghan is a lot of things, but he’d never lie to his friends,” you answer first. “So, yeah, he is. Well, his family is at least. His mom and mine run a lot of events together, like galas and shit. That’s how we all know each other.”

“Are you rich, too?” Joshua wonders. There’s that little twinkle of something in his eyes again, but there’s also sincerity.

“I’m still not paying you,” you retort.

“Fine,” Joshua agrees.

You roll your eyes. “Okay, so what’s the plan?”

There’s a weird world’s colliding feeling to having both Jeonghan and Joshua in your apartment. But, Jeonghan doesn’t like to be left out of things. Once you told him that you and Joshua both knew about his scheming, he offered to help in any way he could. Which is likely just so he’s included. You’ll take what you can get. Now, it means that he and Joshua are sitting on your couch, scrolling through pictures on Joshua’s phone to decide what to include in an instagram post. That’s the first step you and Joshua agreed on. If you’re going to sell this whole fake relationship, then your sister actually is right. There has to be some sort of proof of it online. Which also means that your post has to talk about how you’ve been keeping it quiet and just enjoying getting to know each other without any pressure. Jeonghan takes credit for that, even if you got there on your own.

“I think I like this one,” Jeonghan says and turns the phone around to show you.

“Why that one?” you ask.

“Why not? Don’t you like it?” Joshua worries.

“I don’t know, I feel like my hand is doing something weird,” you point out.

“You look great,” Joshua assures you.

“Oh, ew, you’re not really dating,” Jeonghan complains.

“You do know you’re going to have to stop saying that, right?” you ask.

“Maybe I didn’t know either,” Jeonghan shrugs.

“No, I’m with her, you’re her best friend and you definitely would’ve known,” Joshua agrees.

“Why are you on her side already?” Jeonghan whines.

“Because she’s cool and she’s not the one who knew what I did in college and set me up,” Joshua says with a laugh.

This is how it’s been going for the last hour. You’re not really much for putting a lot of effort into your posts, so this all feels like too much. But, you know that it’s important for it to feel real and it’s important to get it right. You’re honestly pretty happy to just let the guys take the lead and go with the flow of it all. There are going to be plenty of opportunities for you to take the lead. You’re going to take your breaks where you can.

(That had also meant not putting up too much of a fight when Jeonghan told you to bring multiple outfits with you. Or when you had to change your hairstyle and makeup between the photos so it looked like they hadn’t all been taken the same day. Honestly, this was so much easier for Joshua. Then again, he’s the one doing you a favor. So maybe you can let him have it.)

After you finally get your couple pictures posted, and get a flurry of messages ranging from surprise to congratulations, you move onto preparing Joshua to meet your parents, your sister, and her husband. Jeonghan is actually a lot of help with that because he’s been around them a lot. Well, he’s helpful after he tries to scare Joshua about how intimidating it’s going to be only to give up when Joshua is unbothered. He’s so calm about everything that it’s actually kind of nice to be around. And he has no problem firing back at Jeonghan, which is really fun to watch.

You go through what your parents are like, what they do both for work and as hobbies. Joshua perks up at the mention of your dad loving music and sometimes spending his weekends just exploring new venues. It seems like there might be more to that, though you don’t press when he waves it off. It’s different when you talk about your sister, two years younger and already married. Not that you’re dying to be married or even care that she got married before you. That’s always seemed like a weird societal expectation, anyway. What does it matter when anyone gets married? If it’s their right person, then it makes sense. You being upset over your failed engagement really doesn’t have anything to do with your sister’s marriage, despite her instance it does.

It becomes obvious that you’re losing Jeonghan’s attention when you turn down his request to start playing games or watch a movie. It’s not that you don’t want to do those things, it’s just that you have a lot to cover in far less time than you realized. Sure, the wedding is still weeks away. What’s not weeks away is your first dinner with your family. That’s going to be around the corner. The least you could do, you figured, was plan a time before posting pictures on instagram. So, Jeonghan asks if it’s okay to leave and you almost sigh in relief. This will be easier without an extra person.

“Not to pry, but what’s the deal with you and Jeonghan?” Joshua asks when you settle back on the couch with a glass of wine.

“What do you mean?” you ask.

“I don’t know, I feel like I was picking up on something,” Joshua shrugs.

“We’re really just friends,” you assure him.

“Sometimes those are the best…” Joshua starts.

“Don’t,” you cut off. He worries for a second before he realizes you’re smiling. “We did try. Not so much a try, I guess, but we slept together maybe 6 months after Johnny and I broke it off and it just wasn’t it.”

“You and him slept together?” Joshua questions.

“Is that weird for you?” you ask.

“No, it’s just interesting that you’re still so close,” Joshua observes.

“I guess,” you say with a shrug. “He’s great, obviously attractive, but we just, I don’t know. I didn’t feel anything. Neither did he. So, staying friends seemed like the right choice.”

“Interesting,” is all Joshua says. “Have you dated anyone seriously since Johnny?”

“Not that seriously, no,” you admit. “I’ve gone on dates with different people and some of them stuck around for a bit, but nothing serious.”

“Not finding the right people?” Joshua presses.

“I just haven’t found anyone that made me feel like Johnny did at the beginning or even like I did when he proposed,” you say.

“I can understand that, even if I don’t really get it. You’re gorgeous, anyone would be lucky,” he says smoothly. You cover a blush with a slight eye roll.

“I guess that’s why most of my close friends will also believe that I kept a new relationship on the low. They saw me post-Johnny and have seen me try to date,” you share.

“Yeah that’s good for us, at least,” Joshua agrees.

“What about you, though? When was your last relationship?” you ask.

“Ah, well it’s been a little over a year,” Joshua says.

“Bad ending?” you wonder. You’re not sure why you press him on it.

“It wasn’t great,” Joshua says with a chuckle. “She, uh, well she decided that she just really would rather be with one of my friends than with me.”

“I’m so sorry you went through that,” you say, suddenly sorry.

“No, no, it’s fine,” he says. “She didn’t actually cheat on me, but she had started getting close to him and sharing everything with him.”

“Arguably worse, in my opinion. Emotional cheating is still a thing,” you say, trying to offer comfort.

“Thank you,” Joshua says. His eyes are soft and full of care. “And, like you, I have dated since then, just nothing worth talking about.”

It’s an easy transition from that into talking about your backgrounds. Like speed dating, except somehow more intense. You learn Joshua’s birthday, his parents names, that he’s an only child, and where he grew up. Nothing is too small and you joke about taking notes before you actually go to get a notebook. Joshua tells you his favorite color and his favorite food, tells you about his favorite memories, favorite places where he grew up, and favorite places he’s found since moving here. There’s a way that his face lights up when he talks about his friends that’s drawing you in. You tell him the same. That all feels a little surface level, which you point out. If this is going to work, it has to be deeper, more serious.

That’s when something seems to almost break down. Joshua suggests that you tell each other the deep stuff, the things that you don’t always admit to someone you’re dating. Or, maybe you admit it and don’t get into the reasons why. When Joshua goes first and admits that he’s happiest when he’s playing his guitar, even if nobody else is listening, his whole face changes. It’s like a completely different version of him. He’s got an open face as it is, that hasn’t changed, but you realize maybe he’s a little guarded behind the smile as well. Maybe there really is more depth than he wants anyone to realize. Maybe this is going to be more interesting than you thought.

“Can I hear you play?” you ask. His face is adorable with his eyes full of surprise.

“You want to hear me play?” There’s an emotion you can’t place when he looks at you.

“I love music, too, Joshua,” you say softly. “I’d love to see what you’re passionate about.”

“Oh, well, I usually play at this acoustic night on Thursdays at a coffee shop downtown,” Joshua tells you.

“You do? That’s so cute!” you say before second guessing it. He looks away like he’s a little embarrassed and you worry for a split second.

“I’d love it if you came by,” he says.

“It’s a shame that we can’t say that’s where we met,” you admit.

“Wait, that would be a good idea, actually,” Joshua says and you smile.

“It would be, but I also know events like that. It’s always a similar crowd so I’m sure someone will know that I’ve never been,” you reason.

“Fair point,” Joshua concedes.

“Why don’t we just say we met on a dating app?” you suggest and Joshua pulls up his face. “Okay, I know apps are lame and honestly, I don’t use them much. But, think about it. That’s the perfect reason why we didn’t bring it up until now, we didn’t want to answer the ‘where did you meet’ question by saying an app.”

“Okay, yeah, I do actually like that because it’s easy and it doesn’t feel like a wild story,” Joshua says.

“What about your parents?” you ask. “Do we need to make plans to meet them if you’re also posting about me?”

“We can figure that out, but they live pretty far away so it would probably just be over FaceTime or something,” he says.

“I also understand if you don’t want to do that because we’re just pretending,” you suggest.

“No, it’d be cool to have you meet them. Even if the relationship isn’t real, I’d like to be friends for real, so that’s not a total lie,” Joshua reasons.

“I’d like to be friends too,” you agree. “How long have you been living here, now?”

“Oh, um, like 8 months?” Joshua says like a question.

“I was figuring like a month or two with the way Jeonghan talks about you,” you laugh.

“You’ve been friends with him for years, you’re not actually surprised,” Joshua points out.

“Okay so now I guess we have to figure out when we started dating,” you comment.

“And everything else, but we can do it,” Joshua says.

You’re a little nervous sitting on your couch waiting for Joshua to show up. Even though you offered to pick him up for dinner with your family tonight, he insisted on being the one to drive. Of course he’s right on time, which you’re already realizing is a trait of his. He’s even a gentleman when he opens the door for you, just like he pulled the chair out the first time you met for the date-not-date. As you put your seatbelt on, you notice that there are a few things in the backseat.

“What’s all that?” you ask as he slides into the driver’s seat.

“Flowers for your mom, a bottle of scotch for your dad, and a cheese board for your sister because you said they just moved and she likes to host,” Joshua lists off as if it’s nothing.

“You did not have to get things for all of them,” you point out.

“Of course I did, but I also wanted to. I’m trying to make a good impression,” he says, making your heart a little light.

“That’s so kind,” you whisper out.

“Oh, I thought of something else,” Joshua shifts. You’re worried you made him uncomfortable until he speaks again. “Are you a pet name person in relationships?”

That makes you snort, something that would embarrass you in any other situation. It’s not the first time he’s heard it, though. “That depends on what you want to call me.”

“That’s a dangerous way to say that,” Joshua answers. His eyes are still on the road, yet you don’t miss the way he reacts.

“I don’t like overly cutesy names,” you say to diffuse a little bit of the moment. “Like, I don’t know, if you want to call me sugarplum or honeybunch or something like that, please don’t.”

“You’re just giving me ideas to take away my fun,” he pouts.

“Well, what were you thinking of calling me? Or are you even a pet name person?” you ask.

“I do like them,” Joshua says. “I’m not sure that I have a go-to or anything. For you, I might say angel or possibly darling.”

“I think I prefer angel, if I’m allowed to pick,” you say after a moment.

“Of course,” Joshua replies. Studying his face, you’re looking for a hint of mocking or insincerity, but there’s nothing to find. This is just him.

“Do you want me to use a pet name for you?” you wonder.

“I’d happily take one, no pressure, though,” he says.

“I’ll have to think about it,” you tell him. “Something generic like babe doesn’t feel right.”

“Are you saying I’m special?” Now you can hear the light teasing in his voice.

“I take it back, any more compliments are going to go to your head,” you huff out.

As you get closer to your parents’ house, you start to bounce your knee with an excess of nervous energy. It’s not until Joshua reaches a hand out to take one of yours that you’re even sure you’re doing it. There’s something calming about it, though. Nothing about him reaching out feels like he’s trying to stop you, just show that you’re not alone in this. Which is more than welcome. The last person you brought to meet your parents was Johnny. Given how that ended and why Joshua is around in the first place, it’s not exactly the most comforting thought.

Once you pull up to their house, you take a deep breath. It’s only to settle your rising nerves, but it also serves to give Joshua enough time to come and open your door. Even though you’ve told him that he doesn’t need to be this sweet, he insists. Without saying a word, he holds out a hand to help you out of the car. Instead of dropping your hand once you’re out, he uses it to pull you into him and wraps his arms around you. There’s this immediate sense of comfort, like you have actually been dating for months. You inhale his cologne without meaning to, something warm and woodsy.

“It’s going to be fine, parents love me,” he assures you when you pull away.

“I don’t doubt that,” you say, releasing the breath you were holding and your tension with it.

“So come on, my little granola wrapper, let’s go,” Joshua says as he lets you go to get the gifts out of his backseat.

It takes you a full few seconds to register what came out of his mouth. “I’m sorry, what did you just call me?”

“Is that not the one?” he asks, eyes alight with some kind of mischief.

“I’m not going to encourage this,” you huff.

“Whatever you say, jellybean,” he throws out casually.

The second you step into the house, you see exactly what Joshua means. Your mother is fawning over him in a matter of seconds, your father is making plans to show him his records, your sister’s husband is asking when they can go out for drinks, and your sister even holds back the snark. All during the course of the pre-dinner drinks and largely, you think, due to the gifts that Joshua brought. He had a reason for the meaning behind the type of flowers for your mother, a favorite musician who swore by the scotch for your dad, and even bought the cheese board from a small business that customized things.

Dinner comes along and you still feel like you’ve barely said anything with Joshua masterfully steering the conversation. He even makes it sound good that you met on an app, with his improvised story of wanting to meet people in a new city. According to him, he wasn’t expecting to meet someone like you and was done for the second he saw you sitting at dinner. It’s something real, that you met him for dinner the first time at a fancy downtown restaurant. And you realize you never actually asked what his impression was that first night. More than once, you catch yourself watching his profile as he talks to one of your family members. Everything about him is at ease and you wonder if it really is all fake. Not that you think anything about him is disingenuous, he’s just really good at making people like him.

The only hiccup doesn’t come until your mother is pulling out dessert. According to your sister, she’s got an excellent pie in the refrigerator that you simply have to try. You’re about to say something when Joshua beats you to it.

“I don’t think my little sugarplum likes fruit pies, but it sounds amazing and I’d love a piece,” Joshua interjects smoothly.

Your sister nearly spits out her drink, whether it’s at the nickname or him speaking up for you, you’re not sure. In any other situation, you would scold him for the name, but you’re a little stunned he remembers you don’t like pie. It came up once in a rapid fire of likes and dislikes.

“You’re right, she doesn’t,” your sister agrees. “I’d almost forgotten.”

(That’s when you’re sure it was another of your sister’s tests. Trying to catch you in some kind of lie about your relationship. But, it doesn’t work and you feel a little victorious for that.)

The doorbell rings through the house and you look to your mother, silently asking if she’s expecting someone. It’s unusual for them to have company calling this late on a Friday night. It’s usually reserved for dinners with friends or family or galas. Unsurprisingly, your mother doesn’t seem to know who it could be, but disappears to answer the door all the same. When a voice drifts through from the hallway, you freeze on the spot.

“I really just came by to drop that off for my mom, I didn’t realize it was so late. I’d hate to intrude on dessert,” the guest says.

“Nonsense, you’re not interrupting,” your mother insists.

“I saw an unfamiliar car, so I figured you might have guests,” he says as they come through the doorway into the living area.

Your heart stutters a little in your chest, feels heavier for seeing him. Somehow he looks taller and broader than the last time you saw him. He’s wearing his hair shorter and he looks more mature, somehow, like he’s seen so much more of the world than when you were together. Which is probably true, if you think about it. It’s been a couple years and that means he’s had more time working with his father.

“That would be my car,” Joshua says, getting to his feet immediately and extending his hand. “I’m Joshua.”

“Johnny,” he answers and shakes Joshua’s hand. Yet, his face looks a little tense and his eyes mostly stay on you.

“It’s just family,” your mother shares, though Johnny can obviously see that himself, “since our darling daughter finally brought Joshua around to meet us.”

“I’m glad she did, dinner was wonderful and the company was even better,” Joshua says with a smile at your mother. She nearly blushes at his compliment.

“Oh, hush,” your mother says with a wave of her hand. “I was just getting some pie if you’d like to stay for a piece, Johnny. Although, I’d hate to keep you from home.”

Joshua sits back down next to you, a little closer than is strictly necessary, and puts his arm along the back of the couch behind you. You feel safe pressed up against his side like that. Johnny clears his throat when he looks away from the pair of you. “Gabby has been out of town all week, actually, so I’m going back to an empty home anyway. I’d love to stay for a piece of your famous cherry pie.”

“Great!” your mother says and disappears off into the kitchen.

“What’s got Gabby away?” your sister asks.

“Just a conference,” Johnny answers. “There was a final banquet tonight and she’ll be home tomorrow.”

“She’s busy, away this week, bachelorette next weekend,” she says offhand.

“Keeping tabs on when everything is?” you ask of your sister. She looks at you like you’re crazy and Johnny looks awkward.

“No, I was invited to it,” your sister answers evenly.

Before you can even answer, Joshua is speaking up. Probably sensing your discomfort. After all, you hadn’t gotten to tell him that Johnny’s fiance is friends with your younger sister. They had gone to school together and been close. Stealing her sister’s fiancée doesn’t seem to have impacted the friendship.

“You must be excited with the big day getting so close,” Joshua says. He moves his arm from behind you so that he can take your hand on your thigh. It makes you look down at your hands before glancing at him, only to find his gaze on you already. It also means you miss the way Johnny follows the movement.

“Uh, yeah, I mean, I’m definitely excited. It’s just been a lot of planning,” Johnny says.

“I bet,” Joshua says. “Thank you so much for inviting me, I know how stressful changes can be.”

“It’s no problem, I’m happy you’ll both be there,” Johnny says.

With almost a practiced subtlety, Joshua squeezes your hand. There’s so much in that one movement. A reassurance, a reminder to breathe, a reminder that he’s there, a promise that everything is going to be okay. Your heart hurts seeing Johnny sitting in the living room so casually as if nothing happened, but it doesn’t hurt as much as you expected. Maybe that has something to do with this impossibly kind, completely idiotic person next to you. You also can’t help the way your gaze lands on him. Just in profile, at first, before he senses your look and turns to you with a dazzling smile. It’s like there’s nobody else in the world but the two of you.

The conversation shifts slightly when your mother comes back in with a tray full of pie slices and your father comes back with whatever record he was looking for to show Joshua. Just like that, you survive your first in-person interaction with Johnny. Actually come out of it feeling like you might be able to handle this. The smile you send Joshua while he’s eating his pie is so fond that you’re not even sure who you are.

“I can’t believe you didn’t call me last night,” Jeonghan says in lieu of a hello.

“Hello to you too, I’m good, thanks for asking,” you retort.

“Greetings are for people who remember their best friends, not for people who send a single sentence recap after bringing their fake boyfriend home to meet the family,” Jeonghan states immediately.

“That’s a very long rule,” you note.

“Deserved, though,” Jeonghan says.

“I was tired, Han, it was a long night,” you explain.

“A long night where your ex showed up,” he reminds you.

“That actually wasn’t so bad,” you admit. “Joshua made it feel pretty easy.”

“Oh did he now?”

You don’t have to be in the same room as Jeonghan to hear the expression on his face when he says that. “It was just easy, Jeonghan, nothing more than that.”

“What did your parents think?” he asks, switching gears.

“They loved him, like actually loved him. My mom was enamored and kept calling him handsome. My dad was talking about music with him and making plans to go check out some acoustic music venue. Even the ice queen couldn’t find anything to fault him for,” you share.

“She’s less of an ice queen and more of a mean girl and a bitch,” Jeonghan adds.

“You said it,” you mumble.

“I mean, come on, who thinks it’s okay for their friend to sleep with their sister’s fiancé? And then stays friends with the girl?” Jeonghan gets really defensive with this. He would ride for you to the ends of the world, which you do love. Just not today.

“I don’t wanna relive that whole thing, it’s done and over. Nothing to do now,” you say, weariness seeping into your voice.

“Would you want to do anything about it?” Jeonghan asks.

“What do you mean?” You answer the question with a question.

“Like would you want to go back to when you were with Johnny?” Jeonghan asks.

You think about it for half a second. “No.”

“That was fast,” Jeonghan comments.

“What’s there to go back to? He made his choice and I’m fine, honestly. It was weird seeing him and hearing him talk about his wedding, but it wasn’t as bad as I thought,” you say.

“Is that because of your Prince Charming?” Your best friend, always doing the most, puts this question into a sing-song voice.

“He’s not a Prince Charming. You’re so annoying,” you scoff.

“I don’t know, he sure seems to be saving you,” Jeonghan presses.

“I can’t with…” you start, trailing off at the knock on your door.

“Who’s there?” Jeonghan asks.

“No clue,” you answer, getting off your couch to go see.

“I bet it’s Prince Charming,” Jeonghan laughs out.

“Would you fuck…” you begin as you open the door to find the very subject of your conversation on the other side, “off.”

“I’m right aren’t I?” Jeonghan is nearly shrieking with glee.

“Sorry, gotta go,” you say.

“Oh no, no, no,” Jeonghan tries.

You’re stepping aside to let Joshua into your apartment. “I’ll see you tomorrow for brunch.”

“Let me know if I need to add one more to the reservation,” Jeonghan says.

“Goodbye,” you say with an eye roll Jeonghan can’t see, but will surely hear. You hang up as soon as he also says goodbye.

“Jeonghan?” Joshua guesses.

“Unfortunately,” you confirm.

“I hope I wasn’t interrupting,” Joshua says. It’s nothing like when someone says it out of forced courtesy. He actually seems like he’s making sure he’s not intruding.

“No, not at all, I just wasn’t expecting you,” you admit.

“Sometimes that’s the best time to come over,” Joshua says with a shrug.

“Does that mean you have a plan?” you wonder.

“Yup,” Joshua says.

“Gonna tell me what it is?” you ask.

“Nope,” he says with a concerning smile, popping the end of nope. “Go put on something comfortable but with layers. And we’re not going hiking or anything like that.”

An hour later, you’re pulling off the road in an area you’ve never been to, even with as long as you’ve lived here. The views are instantly enough to take your breath away. You can see the whole city below you, all the bustle of traffic and skyscrapers. Somewhere, you know there are people rushing to and fro, too busy to stop and appreciate what’s around them. Straight ahead, you can see the way the low clouds glide around, splitting around the very tops of the buildings. It’s beautiful and it also makes you realize just how small you are.

While you’ve been appreciating the views in front of you, Joshua has been gathering his supplies from the trunk. By the time you turn around, he’s laying a blanket and basket down on the ground in front of the car.

“Is this…did you set up a picnic?” you ask.

“I wanted to show you this place and figured some food might be nice,” he says with an easy smile.

“That’s so sweet,” you say earnestly.

You settle on the blanket next to him and look through the food he’s pulling out. There are some of your favorite things and some things you’re not even sure you’ve seen before. Somehow, though, you feel like they might become some of your new favorites. He even brought plates and he sets about putting one together for you to pick at.

Joshua tells you about how this is his favorite place and he found it completely by accident. He loves being down in the city and around all the people, but there’s something nice about seeing things from this perspective too. It’s like he can just disconnect for a while. Turn off his phone. Read or listen to music. Just be totally alone. It’s how he works through a problem or gets the perspective he needs.

“I can’t believe you’re sharing it with me,” you admit and his eyes light up with his smile.

“I just thought, after last night, you might appreciate having a place to get away from it all,” Joshua says.

You want to say something, anything, really, to acknowledge what Joshua just said. Try to say something. Your throat doesn’t want to cooperate, it seems. Your brain, either. In fact, all you can manage to do is turn away to hide the tears. Joshua is observant, though. He doesn’t say anything, just pulls you into his chest and runs his hand along your back. He quietly soothes you as you cry out a lot of emotions you didn’t even realize you were experiencing.

And something about him comforting you, this near stranger who doesn’t actually owe you anything, sets you off more. In the early days of your relationship with Johnny, you know it was good. It must have been. Surely, it was more than a relationship between two people who had known each other for years with families that were intertwined. You don’t remember it anymore. Don’t remember him ever holding you like this without even knowing what was wrong. Don’t remember him taking you on a date like this just because he thought you would enjoy it. Since you haven’t seriously dated anyone since the break-up, he also feels like your only frame of reference. That makes you sad for an entirely different reason. Who loses it over someone just being a little kind?

“I’m so sorry,” you finally say when you manage to pull yourself together.

“For what?” he asks.

“For just crying like that and being such a mess,” you say.

Joshua shakes his head. Moves his hand up to your face and waits for confirmation that it’s okay. When you nod, he gently wipes the tears from under your eyes. “You have nothing to apologize for. What you’re going through with your ex, most of us could never even imagine that kind of pain.”

“But still, you barely know me and here you are trying to be kind and all I can do is cry,” you say.

“First of all, I think last night and the food I put together show I’ve actually learned a lot about you in a short time,” he says and you have to laugh at that. He’s right. “Second, I’m just happy you feel safe enough with me to cry. It’s not healthy to hold all that in. You’re not in this alone.”

That brings you up short more than anything. He’s right, again (an annoying habit, if you’re being honest). You don’t feel any hesitation around him. Nothing to stop you from crying if you feel like crying. That’s unusual, to say the least. Normally, you’ll do anything to avoid anyone seeing you emotional. But, this man you just met is different. He’s safe. You’re not sure how or why, but you know you can trust him.

“Are you free tomorrow for brunch?” you ask. Joshua gives you a quizzical look for a moment at the sudden topic change.

“Yeah, why?” he asks.

“I just need to send one quick text and then I want to do what you said you normally do here. Disconnect from the world and just appreciate the afternoon,” you say and find yourself smiling along with his smile. He really is so beautiful.

You: add one to the reservation for brunch tomorrow and i’ll call you tonight when i’m home

You switch your phone into Do Not Disturb before the response comes and turn all your attention back to Joshua.

Over the next couple weeks, Joshua slips seamlessly into your life and your existing friendships. Some of them, like those closest to you that come along to the Sunday brunches, know the whole story. It’s not like they would believe you had kept a relationship secret for that long, anyway. And it’s good to have a few extra sets of eyes and ears helping to sell the story. Other friends get the same story that your family and Johnny got. It’s not that you don’t trust them, you do. It’s more important to keep the circle of people who know the real story as small as possible, though, so that it actually succeeds. All your friends adore him from the second they meet him. The only surprise is how well Jeonghan seems to be adjusting to sharing your time. He wants to give you a hard time, yet he doesn’t.

You meet all Joshua’s friends and coworkers, too. It feels way easier than it should the first time you join him and his coworkers after work for drinks. They spend most of the time giving Joshua a hard time that he’s kept you to himself for so long. It’s easy to fall into step and you find that you do know him a lot better than you think. So, it’s just as easy for you to jump in when they’re giving him a hard time. He pretends to be annoyed, but you can tell by the way he smiles that he likes it. It’s one of those genuine smiles that makes his eyes bigger and brighter. Everything just feels…easy. Like this whole thing wasn’t actually a bad idea after all.

Your favorite part might be the first time you got with him to an Open Mic Night and get to see him play. He’s got that easy kind of confidence on the guitar. Like he knows he’s talented, but not in a cocky way. It’s his singing that catches you off guard. His voice moves over the notes with an ease that makes you wonder why this isn’t something he’s doing for a living. He’s got this way of pulling you into songs that you don’t even know. And he’s so kind with the people that show up just to see him play. They all seem just as happy to meet you and know that he’s happy.

There’s only been one part that’s been difficult. Not difficult, exactly, but not as comfortable as some of the other things. While you and Joshua talked through anything and everything to prepare to start a fake relationship, you covered comfort levels with physical affection. You both say you’re comfortable with physical touch, though he seems to seek it out more than you do. That includes at least some level of PDA as a couple. You’ve never really been one to just randomly make out with a partner in public, but you’ve never been shy about expressing affection either. It was fine, when it was all theoretical.

In actual practice, it’s been a little more difficult. The first time Joshua had pressed a kiss to the side of your head while you were out with people that didn’t know it was fake caught you off guard. It shouldn’t have, he asked before doing it and you confirmed it was fine. What you hadn’t been entirely prepared for was how it would feel when he did it. Or how it would feel that he was so casual about it, like it was the most normal thing in the world. Like it wasn’t making you rethink everything in your life.

Tonight, you’re hanging out with friends at Hyejin’s house. You and her have been friends since before you even started school. So, she knows what’s really going on with Joshua. Your other friends there, though, are mostly not in on it. Which is fine. You’re shockingly comfortable with the song and dance.

It’s not actually fine.

It starts the same as any other time you’ve been out somewhere with him. You’re sitting close together on the couch, thighs pressed together, with his arm behind you along the back of the couch. Periodically, his fingers play with the sleeve of your shirt. It’s an absentminded habit and you’re used to it. He’s usually keeping some sort of contact with you in a very subtle way. You learned right away that he did like physical touch, but it was rarely something obvious. One drink in and his affection got a little more obvious. Arm wrapped firmly around you. More kisses pressed to the side of your head.

Two drinks in and it changes again. He removes his arm from around you in favor of holding your hand. Playing with your fingers while he’s having other conversations, like he doesn’t even realize. Hand squeezing your thigh. Or tracing patterns into the material of your pants. Head dropping down on your shoulder when he’s not talking to someone else. And it’s definitely not fine. You’re nursing your drink, but even if you weren’t, his constant presence would sober you. Since you’ve just finally finished your first, you think maybe a second is a good idea.

It’s not. Joshua gets another drink, his third, and you decline. Instead, you stick with the water you’ve been drinking since you couldn’t even finish your second. You want to be able to respond, whatever happens. Respond to whatever new form of affection unlocks with this next drink.

“I hope you stick around, you’re my favorite of the partners that we’ve met,” Mimi announces to Joshua when he plops back down next to you.

You’re glad that you hadn’t taken a sip because it would’ve come out immediately. Mimi has been a friend for a long time as well, and you love her, but she doesn’t know the truth.

“Don’t I know it,” Joshua agrees, earning a lot of laughter.

“Have you met Johnny yet? I know you’re going to the wedding,” Taehyung wonders.

“Yeah Johnny showed up magically the night I brought him by to meet my parents, sister, and brother-in-law,” you say, regaining some composure.

“I think you traded up,” Joshua says, eyes laser focused on you.

You’re not so lucky this time and you just took a sip. You nearly choke. “Do you?”

“Definitely,” Joshua insists.

“I agree,” Jimin says and Mimi elbows him in the side. “What?”

“You’re going to the wedding,” she says.

“So? He’s a fucking tool,” Jimin shrugs off.

“Are you all going, then?” Joshua asks.

“A good portion of us, yeah,” Hyejin says. “Family connections, you know?”

“I wasn’t invited,” Mimi pouts.

“Want to come?” Taehyung asks and Mimi laughs.

“Tae, my love, you can’t just invite people,” Mimi says and shakes her head.

“I have a plus-one,” Taehyung says with a shrug. “I think we all knew I wouldn’t make it to the wedding in my relationship. But, Johnny still thinks I’m bringing someone.”

“Damn, okay. I’m in,” Mimi says.

“I’m not going either, my family ties weren’t enough to get an invite,” Jeonghan says without any sorrow in his eyes.

“That’s because of what you said to him after the break up,” Hyejin interrupts with a laugh.

“I don’t remember saying anything that bad,” Jeonghan shrugs, and examines his finger nails to show how little he cares.

“Remind me to show you what he said some time, it was fucking gold,” Hyejin says to Joshua.

“Do you have it saved?” you ask.

“I should have it framed, honestly,” Hyejin says. “Get you a best friend like Jeonghan, for real, for real.”

“Hey, that’s my best friend, get your own,” you joke.

“That’s a shame you won’t be there though, Han, I could’ve used the familiar face,” Joshua says.

“Like you’re going to be paying attention to anyone but your date,” Hyejin teases.

“Can you blame me? I still can’t believe how lucky I got,” Joshua says without any hint that he’s pretending. It makes your heart skip a couple beats as you try to catch your breath.

“Ugh, I’m so single,” Mimi whines.

“Maybe not after the wedding,” Hyejin teases.

The conversations devolve from there into separate, smaller chats. Joshua is back to tracing patterns into your leg. Without warning, he pops his head up and places a quick peck on your lips before dropping his head onto your shoulder again. He’s so nonchalant about it that you’re not really sure it even happened. You’ve kissed a couple times like that, quick pecks in public. But, it’s always been when you’ve talked about it. It isn’t until you look up to meet Jeonghan’s eyes that you know it all really happened.

Joshua, unaware that he’s just turned your world a little upside down, moves his head to look at you again. “You’re beautiful, you know.”

It’s barely a whisper and you know he’s not drunk. He’s not sober either, though. And you’ve had drinks around each other before. He’s just never been quite so glued to your side or free with the compliments. You’re also not usually so singularly focused on him. A fact that doesn’t go entirely unnoticed.

“Thank you,” you whisper back.

“I’m kinda hungry,” he continues in a bit of a whine.

“Well you were the one who thought skipping dinner was smart,” you tease him.

“But my little honeybunch,” he teases back. You snort and miss the way several of your friends watch the interaction because they know how you are about weird pet names.

“Try again, sweetheart,” you answer.

“Sweetheart, I like the way that sounds,” he says, distracted.

“Just a little longer and we can leave and get something to eat,” you say and he sighs.

“Fine,” he concedes and kisses your cheek, just barely a whisper away from the corner of your mouth.

About half an hour later, you say your goodbyes. Despite your suggestions, Joshua continued drinking instead of switching to water. It’s as fine as it can be, though. He’s just an affectionate drinker. He wraps an arm around you, slipping a hand into your back pocket so that he can whisper thanks again. You do your best to shrug it off and let him drape his arms around your shoulder instead.

The car ride is quiet, initially. You pick a playlist that he made for you after you first met. Something he seems to enjoy. You’re nearly back at his place when he says that he doesn’t have anything to eat. But, luckily, there’s a place around the corner that he loves that’s still open. He manages to place an order on the app, gets something for you as well, and pays before getting there. All you have to do is walk in.

“I hope you’ll come in and eat with me,” he says when you get back into the car.

You’re not really sure how to tell him that you don’t want to. Not because you don’t want to spend time with him. Or that you don’t appreciate him ordering something he knows you’ll like. No, it’s so much deeper than that. It’s that you don’t know if your heart can handle it. You’ve got a couple more weeks of this and your heart is taking a beating. All of this is fake. It’ll be over after the wedding. But, the compliments don’t feel fake. The kisses don’t feel fake. The affection doesn’t feel fake. Your heart racing is real, oh so real. You don’t need anyone to tell you that you’re in way too deep.

None of that comes out, though.

“Sure, sweetheart,” you say and hold your breath for a second. You hadn’t meant to say that when it was just you.

Joshua smiles over at you. “Really do like that.”

Does he know what he’s doing to you? Can he hear your heart hammering in your chest? Can he hear your breath catch? Does he know how insanely beautiful he is? Or that he’s all the more beautiful because he’s so unfailingly kind?

Probably not, because he gets distracted and starts singing along as the song changes. It’s welcome, but also a little devastating. His voice cuts through you in a way you’re still very unprepared to handle.

After another few minutes, you’re at Joshua’s place. He springs back into action and tries to open your door for you, even though you’re the driver. He settles for taking hold of your hand as he walks to his door, only reluctantly dropping it when he gets to the door.

His apartment is familiar to you, it has to be for this to be believable. So, he sets the food out and you grab plates. You grab a couple waters from the fridge while he takes the food over to the couch, bypassing the table. You sit next to him, leaving enough space between you that you’re not touching. Hoping he doesn’t think anything of it.

It’s useless, apparently, because he slides over to press into your side.

What’s worse (not that you thought that was possible) is that he picks things off of your plate and gives you food off his plate. Tries to feed it to you, actually, and pouts when you don’t let him. It takes everything in you not to beg him to be gentle on your heart. He doesn’t even seem to realize what he’s doing to you as he smiles and jokes. Doesn’t seem to think twice about playing with your hands or his hand on your leg or any of the things he usually does when you have an audience. There’s nobody here to see and he’s not usually this touchy when you’re alone. Maybe it’s the drinks.

“I like your friends a lot, you know,” he says out of nowhere.

“They like you, too,” you assure him.

“What about you?” he asks.

“I’d assume they like me as well,” you laugh out.

“No, I meant me. Do you like me?” he asks, eyes big and vulnerable.

Please, Joshua, I’m begging you. Be gentle with me, you think so loud you’re worried he might hear.

“I’m actually a little sick of you,” you joke.

“But, but,” he begins and dramatically throws himself in your lap.

“You’re the worst,” you say without any bite. Your hands find their way into his hair, softly running through the strands.

“That feels nice,” he says softly. “Can I just stay like this? I’m tired.”

“Of course,” you whisper.

“You’ll stay with me?” he asks, sounding like he’s about to drift off.

You’re sure he won’t remember any of this. Not because he’s drunk, but he’s on the edges of sleep. So, you answer in a whisper. “Always.”

Maybe he’s not the one that needs to be careful with your heart. Maybe it’s you that needs to be careful. You know that you could walk away. That you could just remind him that this is all fake and there’s nobody around to see now. That’s not what you do. So, maybe you’re just as much to blame.

Sunday Joshua: thanks for taking care of me last night Joshua: idk why the drinks hit me so hard Joshua: when did you leave? Monday Joshua: is everything okay? Did i say something stupid? Tuesday Joshua: i don’t wanna sound clingy but are we still getting together at your place after work?

Somewhere, in the back of your mind, you know that you need to respond. You know that what you’re doing isn’t fair to anyone. It’s not like Joshua can somehow read your mind to realize you’re spiraling. It just feels a little paralyzing. This is a weird limbo of knowing you might be in over your head, but still believing this is all fake.

Jeonghan: hey dummy i know you’re ignoring joshua so i’m coming over tonight Jeonghan: i told him you’ve been busy at work and i haven’t heard from you either but we have some talking to do

Leave it to Jeonghan. You had almost forgotten, with how well you’ve gotten to know Joshua, that it was Jeonghan who introduced you in the first place. Of course he would text your best friend when he couldn’t get a hold of you. Does that make you feel better? Not really, you think, because it feels like a real relationship in a way. Oh well, you can talk about it with Jeonghan. If he shows up, that is.

And he does, less than an hour later.

“I’m here,” he announces when he comes in the door.

“Thanks for knocking and giving me the chance to pretend I’m not here,” you call back.

“Your car is outside and you have your location turned on,” Jeonghan says.

“Right,” you answer as he comes through the hall holding a bag from your favorite take out place.

“At least I come bearing gifts,” he says.

“You’re an angel, do you know that?” you ask and reach for the bag.

Jeonghan snorts. “I’m gonna remind you of that the next time you call me a demon.”

“Well, Lucifer was a fallen angel,” you reason with a shrug.

“I hate you,” he says.

“I know,” you answer.

Jeonghan busies himself with taking out the food and making sure you have napkins. Tells you what he wants to drink when you get up to go into the kitchen. Calls for you to grab some utensils as well. By the time you sit back down with him, he’s flipping through a streaming service trying to find something to watch. It’s not at all what you’re expecting and you just let it happen. The two of you have been friends long enough to know you should just let things play out.

With some mindless show on in the background, Jeonghan talks about work and your friends and everything else that’s been going on the past few days. Like it’s been weeks since you last saw him. Mostly, he talks about how Taehyung has been blowing up his phone asking for advice about Mimi, which is actually news to you. Sure, you saw him ask her if she wanted to go with him to the wedding. What you had not expected was for him to actually be interested. Which he is, if his messages to Jeonghan are anything to go by. It’s been everything from advice about talking to her to what kinds of things she might like as a surprise. They would probably be cute, you think.

“Yeah, well, sometimes feelings catch us off guard,” Jeonghan says when you admit your surprise.

Damn. Did you really walk right into that?

“True,” you admit, knowing that’s the best answer you can give.

“Talk to me,” Jeonghan urges.

“About what?” you ask to buy more time.

“Joshua,” he says.

“There’s nothing to talk about,” you state. That makes him fix you with a look.

“Clearly there is or you wouldn’t be ignoring him,” he says.

“We’re not really dating so I don’t owe him constant updates. I’m not ignoring him. I just have other shit to do,” you say without looking at him.

“Would you like to be?” he asks. That does make you turn to him.

“Like to be what?” you ask, though you think you know.

“Really dating him,” Jeonghan says.

It’s a crossroads kind of moment. You could say that you don’t want that. That would be a lie, though, and Jeonghan doesn’t like it when you lie. Can always tell the second you say something that’s not true. The truth is that you’ve spent nearly every moment since that stupid night at Hyejin’s place thinking about what you actually feel for your fake boyfriend.

“I don’t…know,” you say slowly and earn a smile because it’s not a lie.

“I was there the other night too, I saw the way it all played out,” he says.

“I mean, does it matter? This is all fake and soon, it’ll be over,” you say.

“Of course it matters and it’ll be over soon? Please,” Jeonghan scoffs. “I know he’s told you that he wants to keep you in his life after Johnny’s wedding. So, what? You’re just gonna be like okay, that was fun, let’s never talk again?”

“I don’t know, maybe,” you say quietly.

He rolls his eyes. “Try again, buttercup.”

“It doesn’t matter. He doesn’t like me like that, he’s just nice,” you say, avoidant as ever.

“He looks at you like he’d give you the moon if you asked for it,” Jeonghan snorts out.

“He’s just nice, Han,” you disagree.

“Maybe,” your closest friend concedes, a rare move for him. It feels weird all the same. “Whatever it is, text him back. He misses you and I don’t want to hear anymore about how he’s worrying he upset you.”

“He’s been worrying that he upset me?” you ask. Your heart constricts at that.

“Yeah, for some reason he actually likes your company,” he says. “Can’t relate.”

You smack Jeonghan on the arm. “Says the man who shows up at my place unannounced when I ignore him for a day.”

“No, I was just bored,” he argued. “And you’re way too stubborn to sort out your shit on your own.”

“I’m not stubborn, but fine, I’ll text him,” you relent.

“Now,” he says.

“What?”

“Text him now so that I know you actually did it.”

You roll your eyes at him, but pull your phone out anyway. Angling it away from Jeonghan so that he can’t see your screen. He’s such a nosy brat sometimes.

You: hey, i’m sorry. It’s been really busy and i had a lot on my mind You: wanna do something tomorrow?

The response comes right away and you ignore the smug look on Jeonghan’s face as you quickly make plans. If Jeonghan was anyone else, he would probably just let you be since he ultimately got what he wanted. But, he’s not anyone else. And he’s as caring to his friends as he is calculating when he wants something. So, he’s not doing it to be cruel, not at all. He just wants you to consider what you’re actually feeling.

You’ll never tell Jeonghan how much you appreciate him talking everything through with you. Never tell him how good it feels to get all the thoughts out of your head. To his credit, he’s not smug and he doesn’t tell you that he’s been right about your feelings all along. He just listens, supports you when you need it, and encourages you to keep thinking through everything that’s going on.

As a make-up for slightly ignoring Joshua (over your own internal freak out), you take him to dinner at your favorite restaurant. It’s this tiny little hole-in-the-wall that people seem to walk past. The kind of place where you couldn’t overspend even if you tried because the couple that owned it just wanted to share good food. The kind of place where they know everyone by name. It makes you feel instantly at ease.

Joshua doesn’t say it, but he also kind of can’t believe you wanted to show him some place that meant so much to you. All he could do was watch, with so much fondness, as you spoke to the couple about everything under the sun. Watch as you turned slightly red when they scolded you for taking so long to bring Joshua by. Smile as you promised the both of you would be back. Despite trying to pay, you beat him to it. Even leaving a massive tip because you insisted the couple had undercharged you. They made a big show of not wanting to take the tip and you only reminded them the cash would stay sitting on the counter. You weren’t taking it back either.

You don’t really think about it when you take a picture of you and Joshua to upload on Instagram. At least, you try not to. Later, when you’re home and winding down for the night, you pull the picture back up. It’s amazing just how happy both of you look. You don’t need to read the comments to know that you’ve never looked so happy in your life. Every part of you wants to pull back again. It’s overwhelming. But, Jeonghan’s voice plays in your head and instead you push past. Make more plans that could break your heart. You have to just trust that he won’t.

It isn’t until the weekend that you’re able to see him again because your schedules didn’t quite match up. That doesn’t stop him from calling you at night, though. Insisting that he wants to know how your day was, even if you can only spare a few minutes for a call. (Which never ends up being the case. You fall asleep on the phone with him twice. His voice is just so soothing when it’s all deep and soft.)

Again, Joshua tells you the date is a surprise. He can be a little bit of a demon, when it suits him. Sure, he likes to pretend he’s not. That he’s above the chaos. Then, he does something like this and he can’t really escape it. But, he’s so sure he knows what you like that he’s positive you’ll enjoy the date. You remember how that chat had gone, too. You were ready to go to sleep, but unable to say goodnight.

(“I have our next date planned,” Joshua says, voice soft to match the calm of the night.

“What is it?” you wonder.

“A surprise,” he answers.

“What if I don’t like it?” you ask back.

“You will,” he assures you.

“You sure seem to think you know me,” you joke.

“Yeah, I do. Don’t worry, you’ll like this too,” he says.

There was no point in denying it. That confidence sent a bit of a shiver through you.)

It turns out that the date is at a winery where you’re painting with wine. You have to ask him to say it again because you’ve only ever heard of wine and paint classes. Painting with wine is entirely new to you. It sounds fun, though, and you know how crafty Joshua can be, have seen all the projects around his apartment. So, even though you’re definitely not that artistic, you’re excited to see this as well.

Admittedly, by the end of the session, your painting isn’t bad. It was a bit weird to use wine in that way, but they let you drink as well. Which makes it a lot easier to just go along with the idea of painting. Joshua’s painting, on the other hand, is beautiful. Not for the first time, you think his talents might be wasted at an office job. You’ve seen the bracelets he makes and now you’ve seen him paint. You’ve heard him sing and play the guitar. He’s impossibly artistic in a way that should make you jealous. Instead, it just makes you more endeared to him.

You snap a picture of him and his art when he’s not looking and upload it before he can even realize it. It’s only when a notification goes off on his phone that he realizes. He doesn’t even say anything, just gets a sparkle in his eyes that makes you weary immediately. He’s busy tapping away on his own phone before a notification sounds on yours. Maybe you weren’t the only one to steal a candid shot if the picture of you laughing with a glass of wine in one hand and a paintbrush in the other is anything to go by. It’s the caption that really ruins you, though. Just a simple “think I’m addicted to her light”. It’s so simple and also so much sweeter than yours. You fight through the urge to run away.

Which lasts until you get home from dinner. It was the perfect date, truly. Joshua always seems to know exactly how to plan out a day so everything works. After sipping wine and painting, he took you to one of his favorite restaurants. Nothing too pretentious, just kind of unassuming. The kind of place where you get good food and even better conversation. It’s (mostly) easy to keep your mind off the way your heart keeps racing.

When you’re back home, you’re not so lucky.

Back home, alone in your apartment, there aren’t any distractions. Nothing to stop your mind from all the ways that it can sabotage your own happiness. Nothing to stop you from thinking about how nobody, not even Johnny, has ever planned out such thoughtful dates for you. Nobody has ever taken the time to really know you like Joshua. Even if you won’t admit it, he knows you better than anyone you’ve ever dated. Which is terrifying, since this is all fake. And he hasn’t even known you that long.

So, you do the rational thing and you pull back again. Answer his texts so that he doesn’t send Jeonghan over to figure out what’s wrong, but don’t make solid plans. Talk a lot about a work project that you really need to get done ahead of schedule so that you’re not stressing leading up to the wedding. And you throw in some easy suggestions in the meantime so that it still seems like you’re making an effort.

Lunch on a work day so that it has a set ending time. Which still tugs at your heartstrings a bit because he takes a longer lunch just to meet you closer to where you work.

An event where your parents purchased a table for charity because he’s in high demand with your family around. And he can’t be as affectionate.

His Open Mic Nights, but with the excuse that you can’t stay too late because of your project and he should stick around with his friends. You’ll get home safely.

Small little things that keep you around him and keep up your conversations while still giving you time to breathe. You’re sure that you’re pulling it all off. And then, the wedding is around the corner. The finish line is in sight.

You: I’m not going to the wedding You: you don’t have to come pick me up Joshua: what are you talking about? You: i’m not going Joshua: but it’s literally in a few hours? You: yeah and i don’t wanna go, so you’re off the hook You: thanks for everything, but you don’t have to pretend anymore

Even if you know you’re being a little petulant, you don’t really care. This whole thing was supposed to be about protecting your heart. Protecting your pride. Not showing up to your cheating ex-fiance's wedding alone and looking like some kind of loser. It was not supposed to be about your heart getting clobbered anyway. So, you’re doing the only logical thing you can think of. Ignoring your problems. Avoiding both the wedding and Joshua. What you’re not prepared for, though you should be, is the knock that comes at your door half an hour later.

Joshua is on the other side of the door and your heart actually stops. He’s got his tux on and his hair styled back off his face. His eyes are soft as they take you in, noting that you have your hair and make up done. Though, you’re still in your sweats. You got at least that far before you decided this was a stupid fucking decision.

“Can I come in?” he asks when you don’t say anything.

“Sure,” you say and step aside.

“You look like you’re getting ready,” he comments once he’s inside.

“I was, until I texted you,” you answer. “Speaking of, why are you here?”

“Because we had plans,” he says.

“Yeah to go see my ex-fiance marry the girl he cheated on me with. Oh, and for you to pretend to be my boyfriend so I didn’t look pathetic,” you say with a huff.

“You’re not pathetic. He’s an asshole,” Joshua says. He doesn’t swear often, so it catches you a little off guard.

“Well, whatever, you don’t have to go. So, I’m not really sure why you’re here,” you say.

“You’re being so cold. What’s going on?” Joshua asks and reaches out to you. Instead, you duck away from his touch.

“Nothing is going on. It was stupid to care what Johnny thought or to try and save face somehow,” you say.

“It’s not stupid. He hurt you and you didn’t deserve that,” Joshua urges.

“You really don’t know me that well. Maybe I did deserve it. Maybe I was awful to him and he had no choice,” you say.

“We both know that’s not true,” he says.

“Do we?” you challenge.

“Yes, we do,” he presses. “There is nothing you could do that justifies cheating instead of just breaking it off. But, I also know you didn’t do anything wrong. Jeonghan and I talked about it.”

“You spoke to Jeonghan about my relationship behind my back?” you question.

“What is going on? We’ve been hanging out for weeks and getting to know each other. I just wanted to know more about someone I was going to be helping. And I like knowing you,” Joshua says and you have to look away. You don’t need the reminder of how much time you’ve spent with him.

“Yeah, sorry about all that time we wasted. I’ll pay you back for the tux or anything else you had to buy to pretend to date me,” you say and he looks genuinely confused.

“I don’t…want you to pay me back for anything. It wasn’t a waste of time. I did this because I wanted to,” he says.

“Yeah, well, you don’t have to pretend anymore because I’m not going to the stupid fucking wedding. It was a really bad idea in the first place,” you say.

Joshua clenches his jaw and looks away. Like maybe he’s frustrated. “What is going on? Do you still have feelings for him?”

“For who? Johnny?” you ask, so insanely caught off guard that you forget you’re mad.

“Yes,” Joshua says tightly.

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me,” you bark out.

“Well? You’re being really weird and now you don’t want to go to a wedding that we’ve been planning on,” he starts.

“Yeah, which should make you happy, since you don’t have to pretend to be my boyfriend anymore,” you say.

“Because you’re still in love with Johnny,” Joshua finishes like he hadn’t even heard you.

“Oh my god,” you nearly scream. “I’m not fucking in love with Johnny. This isn’t about him.”

“So, you don’t want to go to the wedding and it has nothing to do with him? That doesn’t make any sense,” he says.

“No, I don’t want to keep doing this,” you say, gesturing between the two of you. “I don’t want to keep pretending to date you when I -”

You clamp your mouth shut. Unable to believe that you almost blurted out how you feel.

“When you what?” he challenges. “What? Is it that bad being around me? Is that it? Are you just sick of me? Ready to toss me aside?”

You laugh bitterly, not even able to appreciate the irony in the situation. “No, Joshua, I don’t want to toss you aside.”

“Then, what? What am I supposed to think when you’ve been pushing me away for the last couple weeks? And I have to act like I haven’t noticed all the ways you’ve kept me at arm’s length since we went to the winery. Why did you just decide, literally today, that you don’t want to go to the wedding after all?” he asks, rambling. He’s pacing in front of you. “Why are you trying so hard to get rid of me?”

“Because I don’t want to get hurt!” you blurt out. “Because I don’t want to go to my fucking scumbag of an ex’s wedding where everyone is going to be giving me these looks of pity or focusing on my relationship with him when all I want is this.”

“This? What?” he asks, coming to a stop.

“This, Joshua, you and me. Having this just all be pretend is breaking my heart. I can’t keep doing it. It was supposed to keep me from getting my heart broken. It sucks and I hate it and I just wish it wasn’t pretend. I don’t want to go to the wedding and have you be so sweet and kind and caring when I’m going to know it has an expiration date. That it’s all just been for show,” you admit. You turn away, clutching your arms around your center because you’re so tired. And so exposed. So vulnerable. It’s awful.

The tears won’t stop, so you don’t notice how Joshua has closed the space between you until he wraps his arms around you from behind. Pulls you back against his chest and presses a kiss into your hair.

“So, let’s stop saying it’s pretend,” he whispers.

“What?” you whisper back.

He turns you in his arms so that you’re facing him and gently brushes away the tears. “Let’s stop saying it’s fake. It doesn’t feel fake, does it?”

“No,” is all you can manage.

“So, it’s not fake and we’re not pretending,” he says.

“But,” you start to protest.

“I knew I was in trouble, really deep trouble, as soon as we left your parents’ house. I was just waiting for you to catch up,” he says as he gently runs a thumb across your cheek to wipe away a tear . Your eyes go wide.

“That was barely a week in,” you say and he just shrugs. “And I’d dumped all my bullshit on you.”

“I think that’s actually what made me like you so much,” he says. “It was supposed to be fake and we were trying to get to know each other well enough to pull it off. But, instead, I just realized you were actually perfect.”

“Perfect? I was broken,” you joke and he shakes his head.

“No, you’ve been hurt. Who hasn’t? You’re also strong, kind, funny, a fiercely loyal friend, and one of the most beautiful people I’ve ever met, inside and out,” he says.

“That’s so, you’re so sweet,” you say and try to hide your face. He doesn’t let you. “You like me?”

“I’ve liked you the whole time. I did think it was a date, after all,” he says. “And do you think I’m that affectionate with everyone?”

“We were pretending,” you argue.

“I wasn’t,” he argues back.

“Our closest friends thought you were,” you disagree.

“And was anyone else there in my apartment when I was still being affectionate?” he asks.

“Well, no, but…” you start.

“I heard you say always,” he tells you.

“You did?” you ask, sure that it’s been your secret this whole time.

“We don’t have to go to the wedding. But, if it’s just because you don’t want this to be over with me, then it’s not going to be over. I’m yours for as long as you want me,” he says so earnestly it nearly makes you blush.

“Careful, you might get sick of me,” you joke.

He puts a finger under your chin so he can look you in the eyes. “I’ll say it again. I’m yours as long as you want me. I won’t get sick of you.”

“I…” you start and don’t know where to go. So you do the only thing you can think of and kiss him. It’s clear he’s a little caught off guard, but he recovers quickly. His arms wrap around you to hold you tight against him. It’s the first time you’ve really kissed him and you’re so screwed because he really is perfect at this too.

“So, do I get you for the rest of today?” he asks.

You take in his tuxedo again, for real this time. Appreciating how well it’s tailored and how amazing he looks. With a sigh, you say, “you know, it’s a shame to waste such a nice tux.”

“Are you…I thought we weren’t going,” he stutters.

“I’m probably gonna have to fix my makeup in the car, but why not? I want to show off my super hot and very real boyfriend,” you say and watch him choke on air.

“You can’t just say…” he starts.

“Damn, sick of me already?” you tease.

“You know I’m not,” he answers and moves to follow you.

“No, no. You don’t get to see me changing. I’ll be back out in a second,” you say.

You’re in the middle of shimmying into your dress when you realize that you do still have a lot to talk about. A lot to figure out. This whole situation has been unusual, though, so it probably makes sense that there isn’t a template. Once you have your shoes on, you walk back into the living room, prepared to say something, only to find Joshua speechless.

“You look…” he starts.

“You’ve seen the dress already,” you say and smile.

“Not on you. Not in person. You look amazing,” he says and crosses to pull you into his arms. “Are you sure we have to go?”

“Yes,” you say and swat him. “But, I do know we have a lot to talk about.”

“I’m not in a rush,” he says and allows you to step away.

“We might need to be in a bit of a rush,” you say, checking the time and gathering all your things.

“Let’s go, then,” Joshua says and offers his arm.

The wedding passes in kind of a blur. In truth, you barely even register Johnny or what he’s doing beyond the actual ceremony. The reception is so massive that it’s easiest just to focus on the people around you. Especially when you’re at a table with your friends. Thankfully, you’re not at a table with your parents or your sister. It does mean, though, that you’re sitting next to Hyejin, who has definitely realized that something shifted between you and Joshua. So, she’s trying to sneak in a question any time she can. Which is hard, given that Joshua is more attached to you than ever. And Hyejin doesn’t want to draw unnecessary attention to you. All you manage to let her know is that it’s real now and that you’ll fill her in after the wedding. (You’re also thankful that people seem to be cooing over Taehyung and Mimi since they’re the shiny new topic.)

It’s also nice to have Joshua there because he’s a built in way to excuse yourself from any conversation that you don’t want to be part of. It’s easy to just say you’re going to go back to the table. Or, in the case of a good song coming on, he’ll be quick to drag you to the dance floor and away from whatever conversation you’re stuck in. He’s a good dancer, too. You don’t miss the way Hyejin catches your eye when the first slow song comes on and he pulls you close to him. But, that’s a conversation for another day. All you wanted was to appreciate the way his hand felt on your lower back or your hand felt in his.

When it was finally time to leave, Joshua led you out of the event, arm around you to guide you. Neither of you were drunk, but you had still hired someone to take you to and from the wedding anyway. A gift from your parents to appreciate you “doing the right thing” and coming to the wedding. For the sake of the families. It made you roll your eyes at the time, yet you’re thankful now. It would be far better than having to take an Uber or trying to get a room at the hotel (and risking seeing everyone else staying there the next morning). The ride home also gave you the chance to talk. Really talk. Neither of you cared much that someone else was driving (and he had the partition up, anyway), as you talked about your feelings honestly for the first time.

As it turned out, you had a lot to say. Both of you. You hadn’t been nearly as good at hiding your feelings from Joshua as you had been at hiding them from yourself. He had hoped you were going to admit them to him after that night at his apartment. Instead, you avoided him. Yes, he knew that you had been avoiding him. You also weren’t very good at picking up on the signs he dropped about his feelings for you. He admitted that he could have just said something, but he was trying to be subtle so he didn’t scare you off. Trying to let his actions speak through more affection. You admit you were scared to think it was anything more than it actually was. Scared of your feelings. Scared of getting hurt again. Joshua completely understands that and admits that he’s a little scared, too, because you’re definitely more important to him than he was anticipating. He’s also confident that you can work through it together. It gives you a feeling of hope. Makes everything about you feel lighter. You see that relief reflected in Joshua’s eyes when they scan yours.

The car pulls to a stop and he gets out first. He holds his hand out to help you out of the car. You’re not really sure what comes over you.

“Come up with me,” you ask, but it’s more of a statement.

He hesitates, conflicted. “I don’t know if I should.”

“Why?” you ask, clearly confused.

“I don’t know if I’ll be able to leave,” he answers and you smile.

“Then stay,” you shrug, “at least for breakfast.”

Without waiting for him to respond, you turn and head for the front door of the building. It means you miss the way he freezes in place, but you can guess at that by how long it takes before he catches up to you. He’s unusually quiet and still beside you as you go up the elevator and then behind you as you unlock the door.

“I’m gonna go change,” you announce after you drop your keys by the door. You look back at Joshua, appreciating him in the tuxedo one last time. “I’ve got some clothes in the spare room that should fit. They’re Jeonghan’s ”

You take the opportunity to breathe for a second, to let it settle in that you asked Joshua to come in with you and stay the night. Then, you set about changing out of your dress. Carefully clean your face free of the make-up. Brush through your hair and twist it back off of your face. Once you’re in comfy clothes and bare faced, you head back out into the living room. It’s odd that you don’t even feel self-conscious about Joshua seeing you like this, you’re instantly comfortable.

Joshua’s back is to you in the kitchen. When he turns around, you see that he’s put together a little platter of snacks. You also were right, the t-shirt and shorts he picked out seem to fit him well. Jeonghan is a little slighter than Joshua, but he wears most of his clothes on the baggier side.

“Thanks for the clothes,” he says when you both meet on the couch. “I was worried when you said you had spare clothes they were gonna be from an ex or Johnny or something.”

Your laugh is sudden and clearly catches Joshua off guard. “I wouldn’t have kept any of Johnny’s clothes. I gave them all to charity.”

“I’m sure he was thrilled with that,” Joshua laughs.

“They made a killing reselling them,” you laugh in response. “Wanna watch something?”

“Sure, you pick,” he says.

You start clicking through your saved list to find something that the two of you can watch. Once you settle on something, Joshua motions you over. Even if you want to pretend you’re considering it, you can’t. Every part of you wants to be close to him. When you slide over, he pulls you in tighter to his body and you fit like you always belonged there with him.

If you thought he was physically affectionate when he was pretending, it’s nothing compared to now that he knows you’re both in this. He has one hand running along your arm or the other along your thigh. Sometimes he reaches out to take one of your hands. Other times he presses kisses into your hair. It’s pretty clear right away that he’s not paying much attention to the show.

If you’re being honest, you’re not really either.

Everything is distracting. The way his fingers on the bare skin of your arm raises goosebumps. The way his kiss in your hair makes your eyes close in appreciation. The way he squeezes your thigh and short circuits your brain.

You can’t help it. You turn your head so that you can look at him. He caresses your cheek, so gentle. Runs his thumb across your lip. You’re holding your breath, just waiting to see what he’s going to do. When you feel like you’re going to go a little bit insane, his hand moves to the back of your neck and pulls you in. It’s exactly like the first kiss before the wedding. At least, at first. It’s gentle, but full of so much desire. It’s also slow, like there’s no rush to any of it.

The position is really uncomfortable, though. You shift your legs so they’re draped over one of Joshua’s. He doesn’t miss a beat. It just allows him to pull you closer. There’s something incredibly intimate in kissing him like this. There’s this weird contrast of desire and comfort. It’s heated, but also a little lazy. Like you have all the time in the world. Which you do, you think, now that you’re being honest about your feelings. When Joshua pulls back from the kiss, you chase his lips for a second before realizing that he’s pulled away. The way he looks at you nearly melts you into the couch.

“I don’t want to assume where this is headed, but maybe we should take it to the bedroom?” he asks. It’s cute, the way he’s a little shy. Like you didn’t invite him in to spend the night. Yeah, you’re in way over your head. At least it seems like he might be too.

You pull your legs back so that you can stand up. His eyes track your movements as you reach your hand back to him. He accepts it without a word and lets you lead him to the bedroom. Even if he’s seen your bedroom before, this feels different. You’re waiting for him to look around, but his eyes are glued on you. Joshua even waits for you to lead him all the way to the bed, so you direct him to sit on the edge.

Once Joshua is seated, you step between his legs and tilt your head down to kiss him. He wraps his arms around you so that he can pull you against him. There’s barely any space between you. It sends a little bit of a shiver as his hands run up your back and back down. The touch is gentle and caring. Like he’s trying to put everything he feels into it. Something about it just makes you feel so insanely safe.

He’s the one to break the kiss again, but this time it’s to move back onto the bed and grab your hand to pull you along with him. It’s easy to just follow suit and get comfortable laying next to him, bodies facing each other. The kissing picks up when your lips meet again. Joshua kisses you breathless with a passion you’re eager to explore. One of his hands rests on your hip, casually sliding beneath your shirt and caressing up your side. You press your body further into his and capture his moan with a kiss. It feels like you’re a bit drunk off each other.

When Joshua’s hand moves back down, you take the chance to throw your leg over his hip, allowing you to press further into him and feel how this is turning him on. Part of you knows that he’s still waiting for you to set the pace. Or that he wants things to be a little slower. So, you help him out and roll the two of you over so that you’re straddled on top of him. Putting his hands on your hips, you lean over to kiss him again. In this position, you can also grind into his lap. You delight in how he’s already getting hard beneath you, enjoy the way his hands grip the soft flesh of your hips.

He pulls back and looks at you with blown pupils. “Baby, please don’t tease me.”

“No silly pet name?” you tease him.

“Not when you’re getting me this turned on like a horny teenager,” he whines.

“You mean like this?” you ask, injecting as much innocence as you can when you slowly drag your clothed pussy across his dick again.

Joshua throws his head back, eyes squeezed shut, and grips you tighter. “Yes.”

“So you don’t like it?” you ask, grinding a little more.

“Fuck,” he hisses out. And somehow that’s the thing that almost breaks you. Why is that one swear so hot on his lips?

Without saying anything, you sit up a little bit, still making sure you’re straddling Joshua, so that you can pull his shirt off him. Your eyes go wide because you’ve never seen him shirtless. You’ve seen him in well fitted suits or shirts, but this is entirely different. His chest looks like it was sculpted by an artist. All your attention is on your fingers running along his chest and you don’t see the way it makes him a little shy.

His hands reach for your own shirt, playing with the hem like he’s asking permission. So, you move his hands aside and pull it over your head, leaving your skin bare as well. You watch him drink you in, feeling almost empowered by the desire you see in his eyes. He pulls you back towards him so that he can get one of your breasts into his mouth. The way he teases your nipple with his tongue has you clenching around nothing. You can feel how wet it’s making you and try your best not to squirm when he moves from one breast to the other.

“I need you,” you utter.

“I need you, too,” he says against your skin. His hips buck up into you almost involuntarily.

You slide off of him and pull your shorts down and he gasps that you don’t have any underwear on. It isn’t like you were expecting anything, you just wanted to be prepared. While he’s still a little drunk on the sight of you fully naked, you help him discard the rest of his clothing. The sight of his cock springing free, precum leaking out, has you wanting to get your mouth on him.

But, you’re realizing, what you really want is to feel him inside you. After so much tension and wondering, you just want to have this moment together. You want to be as close as two people can possibly get. You want all the intimacy and to be able to see his face. It’s this thought that pushes you back to the bed to lay with him.

Joshua repositions and runs a hand down your body. Lets his fingers run along your thighs and tease their way up to gather some of your wetness. Your eyes close as he runs a finger up your slit. It’s such a little amount of contact and it makes you moan anyway.

“Damn, are you this wet just for me?” he asks and presses a kiss into the first bit of your skin he can reach.

“I want to feel you,” you admit. Joshua makes you press a finger into your pussy, but you stop him. Confusion takes over his features.

“I thought…do you not want this?” he asks.

“I do, but I want…I want all of you,” you admit. “I want to feel you deep inside of me. I want to be completely ruined by you. I want to come together.”

“Shit,” he hisses, hand stilling against your body. “On one condition.”

“What’s that?” you ask.

“I want to taste you soon,” he says, pressing a kiss into your shoulder.

The thought of him between your legs makes you shiver. It’s almost enough to forget that you want this first time to be together. “Deal.”

“Do you have condoms? I wasn’t exactly expecting…” he says, trailing off.

“That drawer,” you say and point.

He rolls himself off of the bed to open the drawer. You’re not sure why you expect his hands to be a little unsteady when he rips open the wrapper and rolls it onto himself, but he’s so calm. Maybe it’s just you that’s a little nervous. At least, that’s what you think until you catch the look on his face. It has to be the same as yours, naked want mixed with a little bit of uncertainty. Everything else has been so easy with you, what if this is where it goes wrong?

“Just lay back,” he urges you, voice calming any lingering nerves. His voice drops to a whisper, like the next statement is just for him. “You’re so beautiful, every single inch of you.”

It makes your heart constrict in a way that you’re not really prepared for. It would be nice if your feelings could stop flooding in all at once like a dam breaking. It’s overwhelming. You do as he says, though, and lean back against the pillow. Joshua gently spreads your legs apart and takes another moment to appreciate you. He can’t seem to help himself from running a finger along your entrance.

Even though he would fully be within his rights to tease you, he doesn’t. He lines himself up at your entrance and looks to you for final confirmation. All you can manage is a nod. You know he wants to hear you, but you can’t bring yourself to form the words. So, he accepts the nods and slowly presses into you.

“Fuck,” you hiss as you adjust to him.

“Are you okay?” he worries.

“Feels good,” you say with a slight whine. “It’s just been a bit.”

He presses the rest of the way into you and then stills so you can get used to him. It’s really overwhelming. Not just because you’re finally feeling him inside of you. More so because he’s looking at you with more adoration than you’ve ever felt in your life. Like this is it for him. Like you’re it for him. It’s too early to be thinking of love, but you really don’t know if anyone has ever loved you so completely. You think he’s probably it for you too.

Once he finally starts to move, you know it’s going to be over entirely too fast. He starts with slow thrusts, testing what you want. You dig your fingers into his arms as a way to ground yourself. To anchor yourself to him and in the moment. When he picks up the pace, your mind goes entirely blank. It’s just the right speed. While you love the hard and fast fucking, there’s something so much more intimate about this kind of in between speed.

“God you feel so good,” he whines as he snaps into you again. “So tight and perfect.”

“You’re so - oh my god,” you moan out, unable to finish the sentence as he hits you just right.

Joshua moves one of your legs so that it’s over his shoulder and presses further into you, hitting deeper than you were prepared for.

“Fuck, Joshua, holy shit,” you scream out.

“Love the sound of my name on your lips,” he manages as his thrusts pick up pace.

You want to respond that you love saying it, want to say anything, but the thrusts are entirely too much. As if it wasn’t already too much, Joshua adjusts again so that he can press his thumb against your clit. He rubs circles in time with his thrusts and you think that you might see stars. You throw your head back, eyes pressed shut.

“Look at me, baby. I wanna see you when you come,” he urges, his own voice sounding ragged.

Despite wanting to focus on the pressure building between you, you do as he asks. Your eyes meet his and it’s that look that makes that coil snap. You’re coming hard and digging your fingers into whatever you can find to release some of the tension in your body. This might be the best orgasm you’ve had.

When you come back to this plane, Joshua has stilled inside of you. One of his hands gently caresses your face as he mumbles quiet praises. It’s so impossibly tender.

“It’s okay, sweetheart, you can move,” you assure him.

“Thank fuck,” he mumbles.

His pace now picks up to something fast and hard with one of his large hands anchoring your thigh to his body. Your hands grip any part of his body that they can reach and you relish the way he hisses when your nails drag patterns down his skin. Marking him so that he belongs to you. Just as you belong so completely to him.

It seems impossible but you can feel the tension building low in your stomach again. His thrusts are so hard that you feel like his cock might split you open and something about it just works for you. You hadn’t thought anything about him would translate to this kind of hard and fast sex, but it’s somehow better than you could have imagined. With him so focused on chasing his own high, you rub circles on your clit to bring yourself over the edge again. You tumble over the edge for a second time just as Joshua’s thrusts get erratic. You do your best to take over the rhythm before slowing down.

Joshua collapses on top of you, cock still buried in your pussy, and sighs. His weight on top of you feels like the best security you’ve ever had. Your hands find their way into his hair, gently stroking and scratching his scalp. As he comes back around, he presses his head further into your hand.

“Hey,” you say when he looks up at you.

“You’re perfect,” he responds and you can’t keep the smile off your face.

“You were pretty perfect yourself,” you say.

“Am I too heavy, I could…” he starts and you pull him tighter against you.

“Don’t you dare,” you warn.

He doesn’t say anything, just nuzzles his face into your neck. But, you know that you can’t stay like this forever. So you don’t protest when he gently pulls himself up and gets out of the bed. You’re right behind him, leading him into the bathroom so that you can get both of you cleaned up.

After getting cleaned up, dressed, and doing your respective night time routines, you and Joshua are settled back into your bed (on top of a fresh set of sheets). Although you’ve never been much for falling asleep cuddling, you can’t imagine leaving any space between you and him. When he wraps himself around you, all you can do is smile and settle deeper into his perfect chest. Honestly, every inch of this man is perfect and you’d be annoyed if you weren’t so helplessly attached to him.

And it’s the best sleep you’ve gotten in a long time. You wake up with his chest pressed into your back and his arm still wrapped around you. It sounds like he’s still asleep based on his breathing and so you’re just considering slipping out of the bed. He moves in his sleep and pulls you tighter against him, making you feel that he’s semi-hard again. You press back against him, almost testing if he’s really asleep.

He’s not.

Joshua’s hand, already against the skin of your stomach and underneath your shirt, moves further up to your breast. His hand squeezes your breast and then he brushes his thumb over your nipple. Your body responds to his touch embarrassingly fast, which only seems to spur him on. He’s got your nipple between his fingers before you press back into him again, wiggling your ass against his dick without pretending you’re doing otherwise.

“Good morning beautiful,” Joshua says in a raspy voice into your ear.

The warmth of his breath along with the pressure of him rolling your nipple between his thumb and forefinger has you suppressing a moan. In the quiet of the morning, he hears it anyway. He removes his hand from your breast and you want to pout at the loss of contact. That is, until his hand works down between your legs, roughly grabbing hold of your pussy through your shorts. He runs his middle finger through your folds, likely feeling the way your shorts are getting soaked through already.

“Feels like someone might have woken up ready,” he says into your ear, voice sinfully low. His finger is still slowly teasing you through the damn material of your shorts. Somehow that makes it feel hotter.

“I wonder why,” you retort, undermined by the way you squirm under his touch.

“Do you want me to stop?” he asks and stops his movements.

Your hand immediately moves to his. To guide him back to your cunt. “Please don’t. Want to see what those hands can do.”

His mouth is still by your ear, so you hear the dark chuckle and feel the air tickle you. He moves your hand aside along with your shorts as he slips his hand inside the fabric. His middle finger resumes the previous pattern almost lazily. You’re about to ask him to stop teasing you when he presses a finger inside you suddenly.

“Fuck,” you nearly scream.

“Is someone a little sensitive?” he teases. He’s a fucking demon and you would gladly sell your soul so he didn’t stop.

The way he pumps his finger inside of you is entirely too slow. But, when you try to meet his rhythm, he stops. Just when you think you might actually die, he inserts a second finger. It makes your back arch, pressing your ass further against his now very hard cock. He hisses and pulls his fingers out from you. As you’re turning over to adjust your position, you see him insert his fingers into his mouth. Holy shit. He really is the hottest man you’ve ever met.

Instead of letting you carry on in any way, he pushes himself up and repositions. You’re not really sure what he’s doing until he reaches for your shorts to pull them off. His focus is on you, silently asking for permission again. All you can do is nod.

“Told you that I wanted to taste you,” he reminds you once your shorts are off.

“Are you sure…” you start to ask before he cuts you off.

His head snaps up so he can meet your eyes. “I’ve been waiting to taste you for weeks.”

That shuts you up pretty effectively. What can you really say in response to that? Anything you might have said dies in your throat as he licks a messy stripe up your folds. He quickly settles, using one hand to keep you spread open for him, and licks into you. It’s all you can do to keep your eyes on him as his head bobs between your legs. You thread your fingers through his hair to keep him in place even though you know he’s not going anywhere. (And okay, maybe it’s more to ground yourself to him than anything else.)

It shouldn’t be surprising that his attentiveness translates this well, but it is a little surprising how well he seems to know your body. The way he knows just when to switch from licking into your cunt to flicking his tongue over your clit. The way he knows when he needs to add a finger and then a second. The way he can tell everything your body needs before you even realize it.

By the time he pulls himself up your body, he’s got you nearly panting from the build up. The kiss he presses to your lips is sloppy and a little desperate. Like you’re both totally fucked out. His fingers inside you keep a relentless pace as he hooks them, hitting that perfect spot.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” you yell out, breaking the kiss. Your whole body feels like it’s on fire in an entirely different way from the night before.

There’s nothing in the world but Joshua and the way he coaxes everything out of you. The way he has you squirting on his fingers. You’re not even sure if the praise coming out of your mouth makes any sense and you’re definitely not sure what he says in return. It’s all you can do just to appreciate the moment.

You think that you’re going to get the chance to get your mouth around his cock now that he’s given you another mind blowing orgasm. But, by the time you get your breathing under control, you see that he’s rolling a condom from your drawer onto himself. He pulls you to the edge of the bed so that your legs are hanging off. It’s instantly stronger than you’re expecting from him and pulls a gasp from you.

Without even thinking, your legs fall open. Joshua seems to have found a bottle of lube, too, and spreads it over his cock. When he lines himself up at your entrance, you expect him to ease in like the night before. He doesn’t. He snaps his full length inside of you in one motion and you’re so overstimulated, but it feels so good.

“Fuck me, Joshua, oh my fucking god,” you say and clench down around his dick.

“Shit, that feels so good,” he hisses.

“You feel so good,” you moan.

“You have no idea,” he answers and starts thrusting.

It’s a complete haze from the moment you hear his skin slap against your own. Every coherent thought leaves your head. There is nothing in the world but you and him and the way you make each other feel. He leans over your body, crowds your space. Steals sloppy, desperate kisses. Praises you constantly and in broken sentences. It’s all you can do just to hold on, so sore and so unable to stop.

Your hands grip into the sheets around you that are completely rumpled. You try everything to keep your eyes on Joshua’s face. Memorize the way he looks when he’s concentrating. Appreciate how totally gone he is because you’re sure it’s the same look you have. Delight in the way his eyes get even wider when you clench your pussy around him.

It feels a little like he’s using your body to chase his own high, except there’s total comfort in that. All you want is for him to feel as good as you do. All you want is for him to get that release, especially since you haven’t been able to get your mouth on his cock yet.

“Harder Joshua, please. I know you’re close,” you beg and he obliges immediately.

Even though you’re trying to meet the rhythm, you can’t. It’s too erratic and too unpredictable. So you pull him down to you again and kiss him. Slip your tongue inside his mouth and let the kisses get as sloppy as they need to. You feel how close he is and only kiss him harder. He breaks the kiss for the last few thrusts, groaning as he comes. You’re right there with him.

(Later, he tells you that he’s never seen anyone hotter than you when you come. It would make you embarrassed in any other situation. But, you realize that you’ve never been with anyone that’s come close to him, so maybe it’s okay to accept his praise. Maybe you deserve it. Maybe this is the person that you’ve been waiting for.)

Now, you really do have to get up and clean up. As tempting as Joshua’s offer to shower together is, you don’t want it to turn into shower sex because that’s just not sexy (or practical). Neither one of you can seem to guarantee keeping their hands off the other. Instead, you tell him that he can use the shower in your guest room. It’s fully stocked and there are still more spare clothes in there. He insists that he should get some laundry going because you must be running out of clean sheets and you definitely made a mess.

With Joshua cleaning up some around the house, you’re the first out of the shower and dressed. Pleasantly sore in the kind of way you really enjoy. You’re sitting on the couch and scrolling through your phone, trying to decide if you want to order food or just cook what you already have. Before you can make a decision, there’s a knock at the door. It’s impossible to guess who it could be. Even Jeonghan wouldn’t bother you like this. Although he’s been texting asking for an update after you told him you finally got your shit together, he wouldn’t show up like this.

When you open the door, you’d give anything for it to just be Jeonghan. Instead, you see a face that you’ve been seeing entirely too much lately.

“What are you doing here, Johnny?” you ask with a heavy sigh.

“I need to talk to you,” he says.

“Why?” you ask.

“Come on, don’t be like that,” he pleads.

“Johnny, it’s the day after your wedding. What the fuck are you doing on my doorstep?” you ask, arms crossed.

“Are you really going to make me do this in the hallway?” he asks.

“I don’t see any reason to invite you inside,” you retort.

“It’s about your, uh, boyfriend,” Johnny says a little awkwardly.

“Joshua?” you ask because that actually piques your interest a bit.

“Can I come in?” he asks.

“No. What about Joshua?” you ask.

“This is really awkward. It would be better if we were sitting down…” Johnny starts.

“My little honeybun, is everything okay?” Joshua asks from inside the apartment. He must be out of the shower.

“Babe, we talked about the pet names,” you remind him as he joins you at the door.

“Oh, uh, I wasn’t expecting him to be here,” Johnny says.

“I’m her boyfriend, so I know why I’m here. What are you doing here?” Joshua says without hiding any disdain. "Are you really her boyfriend, though?" Johnny challenges. You stiffen almost imperceptibly, but Joshua must notice it because he wraps an arm around you protectively. "Of course I am. Why are you here?"

“I needed to talk to her,” Johnny says stiffly.

“About you, apparently,” you say with your eyes on Joshua.

“Right, so can you give us a minute?” Johnny asks with his eyes on Joshua.

“No, he can’t. If you have something to say, just say it. Then you can leave us alone,” you say.

“Fine, if you really want it to be like this, fine,” Johnny says. “I knew he looked familiar when I saw him at your parents’ house with you. It just took me a while. I ran into him at a couple of functions back when I was in college and traveling all around for my dad.”

“Okay? And? I’m sorry, but I’m not sure why I care,” you say even though you know where he’s going.

“He was always with older women,” Johnny presses.

“Can you just make your point so we can get back to our day?” Joshua asks.

“Fine,” Johnny says, irritated. “The whispers were that women paid him to come to the events with them. That he was selling himself to them.”

You actually snort at the phrasing. It takes you several seconds to compose yourself. You wonder what the point of Johnny doing this and if it’s his way of trying to keep you on the hook. Then you realize that you don’t really care what he does. For the first time in forever, you’re genuinely happy.

“I’m glad you think this is funny,” Johnny says.

“Not that it’s any of your business, but I know how Joshua helped pay for his education. And like why am I going to give him a hard time over seizing an opportunity? There’s nothing wrong with profiting off of someone wanting his company platonically,” you say.

“You’re assuming he wasn’t also sleeping with them,” Johnny says, a little stubborn.

“No, I’m not assuming. I know he wasn’t because we’ve talked about this. He told me all about it without even being prompted. And unlike certain people in my life, I have absolutely no reason to doubt him. I know I can actually trust him,” you say. “It was also years before we met. We’ve all got history.”

“Nice dig,” he says.

“It’s not a dig, Johnny. Not everything is a slight,” you say with a sigh. “Where does Gabby think you are?”

“What?” Johnny asks.

“Your wife,” you clarify. “Where does she think you are?”

“Oh, well, that’s not important. I just said I had some errands to take care of,” Johnny says and you roll your eyes.

“We’re done, Johnny,” you say.

“Wait,” he says as you’re moving to shut the door. “I know I fucked up, but…”

“There’s no buts. Not anymore,” you say. “Maybe there was a point where I’d want to hear the buts and the apologies and all that. I’m happy now, though, and you can’t even tell your wife that you came to see your ex-fiancee the day after your wedding.”

“It’s not like…” he starts and you start to close the door at the same time.

“It’s exactly like that. Goodbye, Johnny,” you say.

The second you close the door, you feel a giant weight lifted off you. You just feel tired. It’s obvious that there aren’t any feelings there anymore, so him pretending he cares as a pretense to see you just feels irritating.

“Are you okay?” Joshua asks, eyes raking over you.

“Yeah, I’m good,” you say.

“You sure?” he asks.

“Yeah, really. I think I knew when I saw him at my parents’ house that time you came over for dinner that I was completely over it,” you say. “I’m sorry he tried to bring something like that up or make it a big deal.”

“I don’t care. It’s like you said, I did it and I’m not ashamed of that,” he says. “But, uh, I really wanted to thank you.”

“For what?” you ask.

“For defending me and for saying you trust me,” he says. It makes you a little shy for a second, so you look down.

“Oh, well, it’s not a big deal,” you say.

Joshua closes the space and tilts your chin up to look at him. “It’s a huge deal to me. I know we started pretending, but trusting me means the absolute world.”

“You make it easy,” you admit.

That seems to render him a little speechless as well because all he does is pull you into him in the tightest hug he’s ever given you. Your body fits into his like a puzzle piece. Which sounds sappy, even if in your head, and you don’t actually care. It’s the safest and the happiest you’ve ever felt.

“What?” he asks when you pull away.

“Nothing, I just think this is going to work,” you say.

Joshua smiles at you, that genuine smile he saves for when he’s at his happiest. “Yeah, I think so too.”

i hope you enjoyed this fic! let me know your thoughts 💕

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2K notes · View notes

findafight · 11 months

Note

Jonathan’s line about Steve in vol 2 was so…. I don’t know. I mean yeah it straight up confirms that Nancy and Jonathan make fun of Steve behind his back, and like I get that I have never been in Nancy’s situation so obviously it seems more mortifying to me, but I would have felt so guilty in her place. I can’t imagine not shutting Jonathan up if he started shit talking about Steve. Like Steve would have been straight up unmentionable if I was Nancy. Idk.

I get that Duffers don’t treat their characters emotional lives seriously, but like. That’s why Robin being kind to Nancy in s5 despite Nancy’s uh.. well frankly appalling attitude towards Robin, makes zero sense to me. I really wanted Nancy to struggle being in Steve’s group. Not in the “she deserves it bhahaha” way, but like… Steve dumped his friends for her (which was good for him), and her expecting to get the same treatment and meeting Robin instead? Who actively dislikes her and for a good reason? Who is smart and cool and kind? That’s way more interesting than people kissing Nancy’s ass the whole season, while she is actively putting Max’s life in danger. Like, yeah in high school she is the chief editor of the newspaper, and at home she is the eldest sister, and with Jon she makes fun of Steve, and now none of these people are here, but Steve is here and so is his bestie. And Steve is as kind as always, but Robin dislikes her, and it is not just prejudice

Nancy Wheeler you wild girl! She has no guilt lmao She's like yeah steve was dumb and annoying and didn't enable my investigation, and jon goes yep, what an idiot. All while Steve is just like. bumpin around making friends with little nerds haha. Minding his own business blaming himself for the end of their relationship. You're right, it's kinda bonkers because even if we take the stance that Nancy didn't cheat (which I believe she did) like. she still had him as her second choice and as soon as he pushed back a bit and didn't give her the kind of support she wasn't telling him she needed (until talking about exposing the lab in the library where anyone could hear) she jumped ship and ran to Jonathan. Why would she want to talk about Steve? Why wouldn't she want to try to forget he ever existed as anything other than Mike's friend Dustin's older friend? Is that not weird for her?

(i think you might mean s4? but i can work with s5 too haha) It's so much more compelling to me to have Nancy and Robin at odds with each other because Robin is like a little guard chihuahua holding a grudge for Steve. She holds grudges so well let her do it more!! like jesus give him someone in his corner! And also for herself! She got so nervous and tried to explain and defend herself, and Nancy only really started to listen once they got into the hospital. Nancy has a not great plan that puts one of the kids in danger, one of the kids Steve is close to. (Max wrote him a letter!!) I think Robin would really see Steve's people as her people, even if she wasn't personally close to them she'd still feel comfortable around the younger teens because Steve is? Let robin be critical of this plan. Let her call it out or something. Give Nancy someone to push against, it's no fun if there's no resistance! I want Nancy to be the one wanting friendship with Robin, and Robin not being receptive to it. Nancy not having a relationship handed to her would be refreshing and I want to see how she'd try to win Robin's friendship.

Let Robin not want to work with Nancy because she's heard the rumours about how her and Steve ended, even though he only mentioned that he wasn't a good boyfriend ans wasn't what she needed so it didn't work out. Robin saw that one week Steve and Nancy had a fight, and a day later she was ditching with Jonathan? yeah something is fishy there to even the most socially oblivious person. Let Robin know Steve well enough that she knew he at least thought he was telling the truth but that there must have been more. Let Robin decide she was going to do the most cliche best friend thing and not be very nice to the ex that broke her bestie's heart.

ooooh anon what you're saying is so interesting because, yeah. Steve dumped Tommy and Carol for Nancy, and that was good for him, and then Nancy got with Jonathan who doesn't really have any friends in Hawkins. So she's always been her boyfriend's main person of similar age they're close to. But now Steve's got Robin. Who is funny and kind and weird and loyal and smart and sarcastic. Who is obsessed with Steve and who Steve is also obsessed with. And that, from a s5 stancy pov, is so interesting because now Nancy is now competing (in her mind) for her boyfriend/potential bf's attention with his best friend. Like Jonathan was focused on his family, obviously (and this caused strain for them too) but it's not the same socially as a best friend taking priority. Steve would still hold those relationships, because they're good for him and good for the others, and there's zero reason for him to abandon them this time.

I think Nancy would hate it. Like Steve would obviously give her tonnes of attention, but with him having actual close friendships not just with Robin but Dustin and Max (at least) too, she'd still feel like she was bartering for time with him. That is suuuuch a fun potential dynamic between nancy and steve and also nancy and steve's friends.

#findaanswers #Anonymous #I think an interesting thing about Nancy is she absolutely HATES when her romo partner doesn't back up her crazy schemes #we see it in s2 and s3 it's so interesting to me but I don't really see it talked about.#Nancy wheeler I wanna study you like a bug #stranger things #stranger things meta #nancy wheeler #steve harrington #robin buckley #stobin #sorta? yeah I talk about them enough it counts #stancy #I guess. more fail stancy than not but also just potential dynamic #finda's rambles

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tokyo-daaaamn-ji-gang · 25 days

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this girl gets mistaken for being either sanzu or mucho's gf and i cant decide which is funnier. both even. the rest of the gang sees sanzu chauffeuring mucho and this random girl around and rightly assume this is mucho's girlfriend hes trying to impress. the rumor mill only gets to chew on it for a couple days before mucho hears and clarifies shes not. everyone believes him because its mucho he doesnt bullshit like that. many questions are asked namely "then why is sanzu driving you and her around?" and mucho just says he was stalking her for a while, when i asked him about it he said he didnt like her he was watching her because he was suspicious for a real dumb reason so i told him to apologize and he did that by borrowing my car an giving her a ride when it rained. he really only had to do it 1 time and idk why hes still doing it but after a few times i just asked him to drive me around too. and then everyone decides ah obviously sanzu likes her and is being a dumbass about it. when sanzu tries to clear this up nobody believes him and everyone starts dropping unwanted romance advice. i cant decide whether tenjiku or toman would be funnier but you know izana and shion would suggest something unhinged. chifuyu would start reading shojo manga aloud to him to give him ideas and baji occasionally follows to relay love advice he asked his mom for on haru's behalf. i need to stop here before this gets too long but you know theyd all be funny

Lmao I'm just imagining them all hearing that response from Mucho and immediately assuming that Sanzu lied about the whole thing to him because that sounds so much more far fetched then Sanzu having a crush. This happening in the good timeline though so that way both toman and tenjiku (all toman) can get involved, plus Senju who won't stop dropping hints that she wants a sister and asking Sanzu when he's gonna marry her. Mikey definitely tells Sanzu to just give her a taiyaki, the Haitani brother's try to change his clothes for a "better look", Koko overhears and is like "have you tried cash for the future?" then refuses to elaborate, Hanma suggests something crazy, even Shinichiro gets involved and gives him some really corny pick up lines. By the end Sanzu thinks about just asking her out to get them to stop going on about it to him.

#tokyo revengers #tokrev #tokyo rev #sanzu haruchiyo #tokyo revengers spoilers

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sessakag · 17 days

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Now all I can think about is Prey!Papa-Naruto because it would be the wildest funniest thing ever! Poor Hinata is probably trying to make sure her kids grow up to be good morally upstanding people and Naruto is just….Yeah 😬. Funnily enough this Naruto probably wouldn’t have as much of a contentious relationship with Boruto because there’s no way he’s putting work above spending time how he wants 😭. And as a Kawaki hater I’m pleased to say I don’t see this Naruto being altruistic enough to take in some random abused kid so really we’ve got my ideal version of the Uzumaki family 🫢. Anyway, I bet parent-teacher conferences and kiddy playdates and birthday parties are gonna be fun times 🤣. Speaking of bday parties happy early birthday! I hope it’ll be a fun one.

Daddy Prey!Naruto is the funniest thing ever, lol.

For sure, Naruto would spend time with his little mini-me. Who would stop him?

I feel like Boruto would be very aware that his father is a homicidal nutjob and spend his time trying to keep innocents out of harms way, but he does it in ways that are just as bad as his father, because of course, the apple doesn't fall that far from the tree, and that he has this huge blind spot to when his own inner crazy is starting to show, lol. And of course, mess with his mom or baby sister, well then, you'll have a hard time telling Naruto and Boruto apart at all🤭he'd justify his violence and the bodies in his closet because Prey!Narupapa taught him that delusion is just another way to say correct, and there's nothing wrong with customizing your own reality when it's convenient. He'd also spend so much time trying to undo Hima's worst tendencies their dad is teaching her in an effort to help his mom out, but ends up making it worse by teaching her "alternative" tendencies that are just as bad but much more slicker than his father's open bluntness, which ultimately, makes Hinata's job harder, lol. Poor lady, I can see her trying to explain the situation to her crazy husband. Hinata: I'm trying to make sure the kids have a moral compass, Naruto Naruto: The fuck they need that for?

I'll be honest, I really don't know all that much about Kawaki since I don't watch the show, but his design is very cool, and the clips I've seen of him on youtube I vibe with🤭but Naruto being altruistic and adopting a poor orphan? Not fuckin likely at all, lol. Prey!Naruto wouldn't care about any kids but his own🤷🏽‍♀️so you're all set for sure, lol.

Parent-teacher conferences would be lit af😂imagine Naruto's big buff tatted up self sitting in one of those itty bitty chairs at a table lower than his knees while the teacher tries to get him to understand that it's not a good thing that his little girl is drawing her classmates with their heads somewhere other than on their shoulders🤣he would be so insulted and have a very scary diatribe about why Hima's work is "art" not a "red flag". The teacher would resign the next day by the time he was done. Omg birthdays🙈One word: Pinata. Take that as you will, lmao!

And omg, I wanna write Prey!Naruto at a PTA meeting, lmao! And you'd think Hinata was the one that dragged him to it, but NO, he'd go on his own because he's a super paranoid bastard that needs to know what is going on in his orbit and that includes his hellspawns, and if he doesn't like what he hears he'll have to retire a few folks to ensure things are being run for the benefit of his offspring😂

Hima's not doing a kiddy playdate, study date, pretend date, any date. Over somebody else's dead body would Naruto allow his baby girl to do any sorta dating🤣hell naw, and don't @ him about it. End of discussion. Why? Because Naruto knows how guys are, and considering the things he does to Hima's mother on a regular basis, he's dead set on not letting any guy near his daughter until she's at least 80 years old, if she's lucky. Teen!Hima good luck trying to date or get a boyfriend😅especially since big brother's not gonna be too keen on the idea either, lol. And thank you for the early birthday wishes!!💕

I feel like this SOL Prey!Naruto family is set in stone to be a thing at this point, lmao. I'm certainly sold on it. I won't say whether or not I plan on Hinata getting knocked up in Prey, ya'll will have to wait and find out but I definitely think this should be a full SOL fic at this point, lol. It's just too good to pass up🤭

#prey!Naruto zaddy #prey #naruhina #crazy runs in the family #naruto uzumaki #hinata uzumaki #boruto uzumaki #himawari uzumaki #kawaki

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lampthehealthminister · 29 days

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An Aventurine-centric analysis of the HSR 2.1 Trailblaze Quest - Part 1

I recently finished the 2.1 Trailblaze quest while farming for Aventurine, and it literally fueled my brain rot about him so I have to share my thoughts. I’m just going to do some analysis of the parts that interested me the most (so almost all the parts with Aventurine lmao) because I felt like the dialogue was very well-made and full of symbolism and devices that helped build his character. I will do it quest by quest because I don’t think a single post can handle all of my thoughts even if I ignore some parts of the quests. I’ll edit the things that must still be verified when I finish the next post. If you have anything to add don’t hesitate to comment! I love hearing other people’s thoughts on stuff like that. Also I hope the formatting isn't too weird... I'm not yet used to how Tumblr works, especially in website mode, so if anyone's got any tips don't hesitate to drop them too!!

Warning : Spoilers for Honkai Star Rail’s 2.1 Trailblaze Quest “Cat Among Pigeons” (in case some people still haven’t played it yet)

Part 1 : Double Indemnity

Memory

???: Land of rock, but not water, lightning, but not rain, blood, but not tears. You beat us with your falling stars, you lash us with wind and storm, you chew us up with the cracked earth…

→ I think “Land of rock, but not water” comes up as some of the floating text when Aventurine is in Clockie Theme Park (Must verify)

2. ???: I don't ask for a peaceful death, just for you to tell me — does the baby swaddled sweetly asleep... does he dream of his mother's heartbeat and the sound of falling rain? Please tell me whether this life is all just a fleeting dream...

→ Appearance of the motif of rain, which is surely important (Explored in quote 4)

→ Talk about dreams and life, obviously a way to make a link with Penacony, but also probably to show Aventurine’s real character and views : he is not one to hide himself in a false world, which is probably also why he’s so fervently opposed to the Family. (In my personal opinion, maybe all this opulence coming from the Family disgusts him because it reminds him that some people live a carefree life while other suffer needlessly)

→ “Please tell me whether this life is all just a fleeting dream…” is pretty interesting when you consider that Aventurine was ready to sacrifice himself because he saw no point in keeping his life. But also, here Kakavasha’s life is referred to as a dream, something not real, probably to set the stage for his luck, which is also pretty unbelievable but affects reality, setting his existence in the real world. Basically it shows that Kakavasha’s life is solidified by his luck since his birth.

3. ???: ...Otherwise, why would this child be born to face impending death...?

→ Another link to Aventurine’s mentality towards the end of the quest. It’s precisely because he sees no point in being born to suffer that he wants to end his life. (It wasn’t said as brutally in the quest, but in my opinion Aventurine is basically suicidal, as shown by other examples that I will address later.)

4. ???: Darling, listen... this is the sound of rain. On the day you were born, the sky also sent down a gift like this from Gaiathra.

→ The motif of rain is back, yoohoo!! Just before that, Kakavasha’s sister says that the “outworlders”, the IPC probably, sent the rain, but Kakavasha’s mother seems to believe otherwise. Maybe it’s a hint that the religious belief wasn’t as strong in Kakavasha’s sister? However, I feel like this theory is debunked in the next memory. (In my opinion, the theme of religious belief and the loss of it is still super important to Aventurine’s character and I’ll talk about it when it comes up.)

→ I also feel like what makes this event all the more incredible is that it shows that everything Kakavasha dreams of, he can have, to a certain extent. Obviously it’s also to show that he’s the real blessing, but I feel like it’s pretty straightforward here. But what I mean by “he can have everything he dreams of” is that thanks to his luck, nothing is really impossible to achieve, whether it’s good or bad, which he probably realised as he grew up and helped fuel his gambler mentality.

5. ???: ...Welcome to this sad world, Kakavasha.

→ Again, another link to Aventurine’s mentality. The world has been nothing but sad and cruel to him, so why was he even born?

Meeting Sunday face-to-face

Okay little disclaimer here, I struggled a lot with that dialogue because right from the beginning, I felt like Sunday and Aventurine were both trying to one-up another, while also talking about two different things, so it made it very confusing for me, but I feel like that was on purpose. So I’ll try to share my thoughts as best as I can.

Sunday: I have come to know you very well as a person, Mr. Aventurine. You're diligent, generous, and willing to cooperate. The fact that you succeeded in overcoming many obstacles just to meet me gave me the reason to believe in your wisdom and courage.

→ I start off with the most hypocritical thing Sunday would have ever said to Aventurine’s face. Here, Sunday is very obviously buttering Aventurine up, maybe to make him (Aventurine) believe that he (Sunday) can be fooled. Or maybe also to mock Aventurine for thinking that he (Sunday) would let himself be tricked so easily. I think these lines set the tone of the discussion. We now know that this is gonna be a passive-aggressive discussion in which neither Sunday nor Aventurine will be honest. This is also most likely a hint that Sunday knows more than he lets on. Because he knows of Aventurine’s strategy thanks to Ratio and has nothing to lose, he plays the exact same game as him (Aventurine).

2. Sunday: But there's one thing I must ask you — that is, you've used your wisdom at the wrong place to meet the wrong person and put yourself in a situation where you shouldn't be... witnessing a tragedy that shouldn't have happened.

Aventurine: You don't look too well. Am I making you anxious?

Aventurine: ...If not, then it means I'm on your side.

→ First thing that confuses me. Here, Sunday is trying to tell Aventurine that he (Aventurine) has the “bad” role, that he’s doing everything he shouldn’t be doing, and is everywhere he shouldn’t be, but Aventurine just ignores him. I had to re-read that part to understand that he (Aventurine) is trying to steer the conversation in his direction. Sunday is telling Aventurine that there will be consequences to his actions and his behaviour, but he (Aventurine) completely brushes him off by being condescending. And although Sunday is only being subtle, I’m sure Aventurine understands the implicit meaning behind his words, since this is a way of talking he’s familiar with. However, whether he’s aware of the risks or blind to them is something I have no answer to. I struggled a lot with that part because it’s difficult to grasp their intentions, but I think that the deal here is that Aventurine wants to take the high-ground in the discussion by ignoring Sunday.

3. Sunday: If I wasn't mistaken, you'd just made a serious accusation against The Family.

Aventurine: You weren't mistaken, for depravity is creeping in around you.

Aventurine: There's no need for us to be evasive. Let's talk about your sister. Your sister's talent is unrivaled in the world of show business. As you know, her voice has been out of tune since she returned to Penacony. What's more disheartening, she can't sing anymore.

→ Another episode of Aventurine ignoring Sunday to lead the conversation his way. Here, it seems even more ridiculous to me, because Sunday is basically telling him that his actions won’t go unpunished, even if he’s once again not explicit, but he (Aventurine) doesn’t care. He justifies his actions by being condescending and looking down on Sunday, hence the sentence “for depravity is creeping in around you.”. What’s more, he wants to talk about a subject that doesn’t make sense. Why talk about Robin except to say she was a victim? Here, Aventurine is starting his tacting of “fear” that he mentioned to Ratio earlier. Also, more hypocrisy with “There’s no need for us to be evasive” even though he will be only that afterwards.

4. Aventurine: Who could be responsible for this? Many suspect the culprit is among the outsiders, but I know... you hold a different opinion.

Aventurine: Now, your noble status has become a shackle, preventing you from apprehending the murderer and avenging your sister's death. You're feeling anxious because you're out on a limb.

→ Here’s one of my favourite parts. Here, Aventurine doesn’t outright say there’s a traitor in the Family, because it’s too big of an accusation to say without any proof, so he resorts to being as implicit as possible. Here he’s directly contradicting his “There’s no need for us to be evasive” line that was only meant for show. Also, he assumes things about Sunday’s situation, clearly to try and make him afraid, while still being as implicit as possible. However, it’s very likely that he doesn’t actually know what Sunday is thinking or can/can’t do, he’s just bluffing. He’s also very very condescending in these lines.

5. Aventurine: But don't worry. I am on your side.

Sunday: I'm immensely honored by your concern for me Mr. Aventurine — since you're so selfless and generous, I believe you wouldn't ask for anything in return, would you?

→ These guys literally cannot talk to each other normally. Anyway, here they’re both big hypocrites and super condescending with each other. Also, at this point we start noticing that Sunday’s pretty much not phased by Aventurine’s “fear” tactic, which hints at the fact that he expected it, or at the very least has enough control over his situation to not have to fear anything or anyone.

6. Aventurine: Naturally, you wouldn't incur any loss from this. I just want to reclaim what is mine: my liberty, and the personal items under The Family's custody — the bag of gift money, and...

→ I love the first sentence. Aventurine is particularly good at twisting words and sentences to appeal to the ears, and this dialogue really shows all of his prowess as a Stoneheart. He says everything to please, while also finding a way to turn the situation to his advantage, even though it doesn’t work in this particular dialogue.

7. Aventurine: I'm sure you're aware of the high level of risk I'll be undertaking to bring the truth to light.

→ Yet another sentence that makes no sense. In the dialogue, it doesn’t say anything nor serve anything, it’s another one of Aventurine’s tactics. He’s desperately trying to get a hold of the conversation, to have the desired effect on Sunday, so he says things that don’t mean anything, that just hint at things, that leave enough space for doubt to linger in the mind of the person in front of him. Unfortunately, Sunday is already one step ahead, and it doesn’t faze him at all.

8. Sunday: Mr. Aventurine, when you're out and about, do you always make adjustments to your appearance? Your tie should be on the center line, your shirt must not protrude from your vest, your trouser creases should be perfectly straight, and always aligned with the tips of your shoes.

Aventurine: Of course.

Sunday: But I don't, because it's not appropriate to do so in public — you should make sure everything is presentable and in order before leaving the house.

→ I know that this analogy is Sunday’s way of telling Aventurine that he (Sunday) doesn’t like to take risks, but I feel like it also serves another purpose. This seems like an implicit jab at Aventurine’s attempts to take control of the conversation once more, as if Sunday is mocking him for trying to tie the loose ends during the discussion, whereas he (Sunday) came completely prepared. (In my opinion, this is yet another hint that Sunday is one step ahead of Aventurine, but yet again, this is all very implicit.)

9. Aventurine: ...Sure. The gift money is good enough. I suppose you wouldn't mind that? After all, a merchant can't function without a bargaining chip.

Sunday: You compromised quicker than I thought. Unfortunately, it's a gambler that needs a bargaining chip... not a merchant. I can give you your gift money, but before that, I want you to tell me —

→ I don’t have a full answer to the question “What is the difference between gambler and merchant in relation to Aventurine?” but it dwells on my mind nonetheless. Aventurine refers to himself as a merchant again later (Must verify) but this dialogue is the only moment where he’s called out for it. So, why? Merchant here seems too… plain. Not risky enough for Aventurine. A merchant sells, but it’s mostly honest and without any lies, which matches with the image Aventurine usually gives out : he’s someone trustworthy, just agree to work with him and it’ll be good for you. However, Sunday sees through that facade easily, and denies Aventurine’s false honesty and care. Gambler is almost used as an accusation here, like Sunday is calling Aventurine out on his lies. And indeed, Aventurine does fit the image of the gambler : he’s reckless, enjoys the thrill of the risk, and doesn’t hesitate to play dirty. Even Ratio refers only to him as “gambler”. As for the bargaining chip… it probably fits the gambler more because a gambler is someone who’s in a difficult position and needs a way to escape, to change the tides, which will be Aventurine’s case soon.

10. Sunday: "Oh, Triple-Faced Soul, please sear his tongue and palms with a hot iron, so that he will not be able to fabricate lies and make false vows."

→ Nothing special here, except that it’s quite interesting that Xipe is referred to as the “Triple-Faced Soul” and Gaiathra Triclops is a goddess with three eyes. But it’s most likely just a way to make a parallel between Sunday’s and Aventurine’s beliefs and how the former pushes his Aeon’s creed on the latter. Especially since the Avgins believe making any offering other than saying the prayer is tainting Gaiathra Triclops’ name, whereas the Family is actively nurturing a dream city all in the name of their Aeon. Additionally, here Sunday associates Xipe’s name is with acts of torture nonchalantly, which shows that the Family probably commits horrible acts that they justify with the name of the Harmony regularly. (In my opinion this is another reason why Aventurine dislikes the Family and Penacony as a whole.)

11. Dr. Ratio: You'll have to speak more clearly than that.

12. Aventurine: ...You might as well explain yourself a little more clearly.

→ Adding these two together even though the first one was said during the flashback with Ratio and Sunday, because I thought the similarities were interesting. Put together, these two lines really make it seem like Sunday tricked Ratio and Aventurine by pitching them against each other. Still, Aventurine’s line is obviously less assertive because he doesn’t have any possibility to back out, unlike Ratio had.

13. Aventurine: Is this what the Harmony represents? Is it built upon constraint and coercion?

→ Here’s a line that convinces me that Aventurine despises the Family. He mimics Sunday, who says the Harmony’s name to justify his doings, and calls him out on his hypocrisy. It isn’t a real argument, it seems more like a sudden burst of Aventurine’s hatred for the ways of the Family, but it definitely sets the stage for the opposition between Sunday’s and Aventurine’s beliefs more clearly.

14. Sunday: Should you succeed, you will be able to coalesce into the Harmony and be with your Family. If you fail, you will suffer the wrath of the Eternal Centurion and fall into an abyss of doom.

→ That line… That line man… The first sentence is amazing. Throughout the whole quest, I feel like there's this recurring theme of Aventurine being stripped from everything he has, and this is definitely part of it. There’s something so oppressive and sickening about the fact that if he fails, then the last bit of himself, of Kakavasha, which is his memories of his family, will be overridden by his Family. And I say his Family because Sunday says your Family and not the Family. And while technically it’s the same, the fact that Sunday says “your” really makes the situation fully set in stone. Even if Aventurine is free, he has already been stripped away of all the connections he has to his true self. Even his belief in Gaiathra Triclops, which is unique to his clan, is going to be submerged by the words of an Aeon he does not believe in. Even worse, his beliefs will be overridden by the words of a faction that justifies their violence and lies with the name of their Aeon. This is a fate worse than death for Aventurine, because it wipes out his being, his existence, everything that makes him himself. This is literally akin to being a slave once more. Anyway these are the most hurtful lines in that dialogue I’m telling you.

15. Aventurine: Shameless hypocrites... You took everything from me and still demand the truth? That isn't fair. Your carnival reeks with the stench of cash. Nothing is achievable without it!

→ Last one for that dialogue, it’s not too complicated, but I love the raw anger that comes out from it. It definitely feels like this is what Aventurine feels at his core, and he finally lets it out now that he’s being threatened with the loss of his person. The “You took everything from me” references both material things but also himself. This line is so honest because he already feels as if he is caught, as if he is being stripped of his identity, all because of the Harmony’s effect on him. Also you remember how I mentioned that Aventurine probably hates the Family because of the opulence of Penacony. Yeah well that’s the proof right there. He says “reeks” and “stench”, which both have a negative connotation, to underline how horrible the Family’s dreamscape actually is. And since these words are very strong, I’m guessing that they come from his real feelings about the Dreamscape and the Family.

Memory 2

???: Look, this is just a necklace. But Kakavasha, you are my only family.

Kakavasha: …

Kakavasha: I'm sorry, Sister... I thought you'd be happy. Because mom left you this necklace...

→ These lines aren’t really complex, but they really show how Kakavasha probably had no knowledge of his worth, even as a kid. I don’t know why that is, but living on a dangerous planet and being a kid that can’t really fight or help probably is part of it. However, his sister reminds him that he is worth more than a necklace. Still there’s more parallelism between Kakavasha and the necklace. He says “Because mom left you this necklace…”, but his sister’s first line “you are my only family.” shows that Kakavasha is another gift that their mother left to her, one that is more important than a material possession, yet he fails to realise that.

2. ???: It is important, but not as important as you, my dearest brother... I don't blame you, but you must remember what mom said...

???: Pain and poverty are the trials of Gaiathra Triclops. SHE has also granted us a chance, and that's your good luck, Kakavasha. Your good luck is the most precious wealth we— all Avgin have.

???: You're a child blessed by Gaiathra Triclops and can lead the clan to happiness. So, always remember to protect yourself and never resent the pain and poverty you're going through... All right?

→ There’s honestly something a bit messed up about Kakavasha’s family’s adoration for his good luck, to the point the lines almost make it seem like he’s more important than the necklace because he’s lucky. Obviously I don’t think Kakavasha’s family’s love for him was dependent only on his luck, and nothing tells us that these memories are completely true either. Since it’s all Aventurine reminiscing, he could be an unreliable narrator, especially with his super low self-esteem. However, all about his life is said to be related to Gaiathra Triclops and her divine influence, whether it’s the hardships or the good things. There’s definitely some form of fatalism in Kakavasha’s sister’s words, with pain and poverty being justified with a sort of “everything happens for a reason”, which probably fueled Aventurine’s vision of life, death, and hardships. Especially since these lines also show how difficult Kakavasha’s role was. He’s both the saviour of the Avgins, a blessing from Gaiathra Triclops that can help everyone, but he also has to be selfish and protect himself to keep the blessing alive. This probably fueled his bad view of his luck, but also his self-hatred : because he’s lucky, he has to stay to the side and let everyone die, meanwhile he gets to stay alive, but does he deserve it? Also, in the previous memory, I suggested that maybe Kakavasha’s sister’s beliefs weren’t as strong as their mother’s, but her words here prove the opposite. Kakavasha’s birth and luck probably reinforced her beliefs, since he’s the hope all the Avgins have been searching for ; it’s like their goddess is finally answering their prayers, so why stop believing in her now?

3. Kakavasha: ...Okay. I will swear to Gaiathra Triclops to protect this "wealth"...

→ Not much to say here, except that despite swearing to Gaiathra Triclops in the past, currently he sees his luck in such a bad light that he doesn’t think it’s a blessing, and doesn’t want to protect it anymore. Obviously this fact is related to how much he’s been isolated from all the other Avgins because of his luck.

4. Kakavasha: But Sister... If Gaiathra Triclops was really watching over us...

Kakavasha: Then why did SHE not protect Dad when he was swept away by the quicksand...? After all, Dad went to the Katicans' land only to prepare for Gaiathra Triclops' offerings…

Kakavasha: And where was Gaiathra Triclops when Mom was shivering in our arms? Mom was still pleading for Gaiathra Triclops' forgiveness under her breath until the moment she closed her eyes…

Kakavasha: Sister, everyone praises me for being smart, but I don't get it... If every rainpour was Gaiathra Triclops' forgiveness and grace…

Kakavasha: Then how bad were our sins? ...So much so that we were born in this world of death...?

→ I’m putting this whole speech together because it makes much more sense as a whole than separated. Here, we really see Kakavasha’s doubt towards his clan’s religious beliefs, but also the uncertainty he feels about his role. But because he still believes in Gaiathra Triclops, this leaves him with only one option left : wondering what these trials are an answer to. The last line pretty much confirms that his role as the saviour of his clan and all the bad things that happen despite his luck created his point of view on life and death. He doesn’t blame Gaiathra Triclops, but thinks that maybe there is no point in hoping for her forgiveness if there are so many trials thrown their way. But also, it probably made Kakavasha wonder what was so special about himself, and eventually if he even had anything special, considering his luck can’t help anybody except himself. Because of that, I also think that these words are a mix of Aventurine and Kakavasha’s thoughts. I’m not trying to undermine Kakavasha’s ability to understand the world, but the “where was Gaiathra Triclops when mom was shivering in our arms?” seems so accusatory that I’m thinking that it could be a thought that Aventurine has now that he grew up. Also, the fact that there’s no image when this text is on screen supports this theory : Aventurine can’t link these thoughts to a precise moment he had with his sister, because they’re his current thoughts about his memories.

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zeninsama-moved · 1 year

Text

wanted to write a lil something about big brother naoya... this is my first time writing anything kinda long in a WHILE so i'm proud of myself :') i needed the practice so be nice to me. who knew all it took was incest and piss LMAO also can u believe i used caps for this one <3

tw for incest and piss, themes of humiliation and degradation (mostly the situation, "slut" used once), female reader (she/her prns and petnames like "baby girl" used), naoya is his own warning and he's kind of a dick, maybe a little clan-relevant misogyny if you squint, fingering, naoya gets a boney but this isn't about him, not really proofread u get what u get, naoya has a shitty accent and it's inconsistent

word count: 2.5k

Half an hour into your big brother's tirade, you realize you really need to pee.

All your objections fall upon deaf ears, your big brother telling you to shut up, stay quiet, or fuckin' listen each time you interrupt his ranting to try to ask. It's pointless. So instead, you bow your head in submission, whimpering from the painful straining of your bladder.

Fuck, you need to go. You're not sure how much longer you can hold it, but it's not for you to decide. You know your brother – when he's this angry, he could keep berating you for at least another hour.

You interrupt him once more.

"Please, nii-sama, I've learned my lesson, okay? I'm sorry!"

Above you, Naoya scoffs, arms folding over his broad chest. “I don’t believe that for a fuckin’ second. First you humiliate me in front of the elders, now yer talkin' to me like I'm some kind of idiot? Is that what this is? You think yer better than me?"

It's been a while since you've seen Naoya this upset. Even with his short temper, your sister antics usually only leave him mildly annoyed. Your brother doesn't take it lightly when he feels embarrassed – even worse, undermined – and by his little sister of all people. His little baby of a sister that's meant to walk three steps behind him, bow her head, speak when spoken to. Yes, Naoya-sama. No, Naoya-sama.

"No, nii-sama," you're weeping shamelessly at his feet, your face hot and hands fisting at the skirt of your kimono, all while your bladder strains painfully. "Please, I'm sorry! It hurts, nii-sama, please let me go."

It's probably a matter of seconds now, maybe a minute at best. You're begging, silently praying to whatever Gods are listening that Naoya will take mercy on you and let you up, let you rush to the bathroom in a technique-imbued sprint so you can finally get a release from this pain. You'll even settle for pity at this point, because if you let go now, release your bladder right in front of your brother – all over the tatami, all over your kimono – you'll never hear the end of it.

Imagining the walk of shame to the nearest servant, forced to explain the mess you’ve made in the other room with a heated face and head bowed in shame – all while your big brother laughs – sends a chill through your body.

You don't notice your head fell until Naoya cradles your face, lifting it up to meet his gaze again. He's crouched to your height now, both face and touch uncharacteristically gentle when compared to... well, everything else about him. His palm is warm, yet rough from nearly three decades of back-breaking training and battle.

For a moment, you think you're lucky. Maybe Naoya is finally taking pity on you after seeing you tremble, your bottom lip quivering and eyes wet with tears as you plead for his mercy. After seeing you look weak in comparison to him.

"Hey," he coos, caressing your cheek with his thumb, wiping a tear and relishing in the way you keen into his touch. His baby sister. His sweet girl that's depended on him every day since birth, relying on her onii-sama to guide her. "You know I'm not doin' this to be mean, right? Yer just... gettin' too mouthy for yer own good."

"Naoya-nii," you whimper, voice breaking. "I can't hold it anymore, please."

"Yeah, you can," he sighs. "Dumb baby, just shut up a second and listen to me."

Another gentle hand rests on your shoulder. When Naoya holds you like this, it almost feels loving. He presses a kiss to your hairline, dampened with sweat from your body's exertion. You take a deep breath, trying to will the ache in your bladder to go away. For a moment, it does.

"If ya mouthed off to anyone else, they'd throw yer ass in the disciplinary pit, but not me. Is that why you do it? You know you can be a brat to me 'cause I won't beat yer ass about it? Tell me."

You nod shakily. "Yes, Naoya-nii."

"Look at me."

You do. Naoya's features look softer, kinder, more like the brother you love. The one that would gently push on your back to make you bow when you were young. The one that held your hand and snuck you out of the estate during the summer to show you the fireflies. The one that, despite threatening to leave yer ass out to dry when he catches you meddling in places you shouldn't, always takes the fall for it so you don't get punished.

But he can only do so much for you. For now, at least. When the old man inevitably bites it, making him the clan head, he'll be untouchable. Therefore you will be too.

The urge returns. How did you forget?

Naoya watches your eyes widen, your lips part in a stammer.

"Shh," he soothes, silencing whatever you're about to say with his finger over your lips, then replacing the digit with his own.

The kiss is soft, you try and distract yourself with the feeling of his lips, more assertive than yours, and his tongue softly prying you open. The hand on your shoulder ventures lower, smoothing over linen, fingers digging under your obi to loosen it in a practiced motion. Eventually, he accesses the ties to your kimono, loosening that as well until the fabric parts, exposing your body to him, ignoring your whimpers and pleas of protest.

It's not that you don't want him to touch you, because fuck, you really want him to touch you, you're aching for it. It's the throbbing pain inside that looms over your head in a constant reminder. You can't do this right now. If his fingers touch you, god forbid enter you, you're not sure you'll be able to hold it. The slightest amount of pressure and –

"Look at you," Naoya sighs, allowing himself to be swept up in lust. He kisses your cheek, your jaw, hair tickling your face as his lips trail down your neck and nip at the sensitive skin. "So fuckin' beautiful. My beautiful girl, aren't ya?"

Still, you're keening into his touch. The linen of your kimono hangs limp over your body, Naoya reaches underneath it and palms your breast, groaning silently against your skin. The hand cradling your face repositions, caressing your jaw before pushing two thick fingers past your lips, leaving you no choice but to accept them. You do it dutifully, allowing your brother to glide his fingers over your tongue, even hollowing your cheeks weakly around them.

Naoya takes and takes. It's no different when it comes to your body. The blood rushes to his cock, tenting the fabric of his hakama as it swells. His hands only get greedier, moans sounding more desperate as he gropes at your body, feeling your nipples harden under his palm, your skin so unbearably soft. He wants to sink his teeth in you, mark you in places only he has the privilege to see. He finds the warmth of your mouth so tempting, so inviting, he can't help but push his fingers deeper. You choke around his fingers, coating them in a rush of saliva.

"Open your legs," Naoya orders, hand now resting atop your thigh, both of them still clenched tightly together, attempting to push them apart. Your eyes widen in panic.

"Naoya-nii, I can't," you mutter, shaking your head frantically. "At least let me go first. I'll be fast, I promise–"

"Nah," Naoya teases, lips curling in a sharp grin. "Trained you to be a real good girl, didn't I? You can hold it a few more minutes."

"I can't!"

"You will."

Your body acts on its own, betraying your will and allowing your brother to manhandle you into a position he finds more acceptable. Your legs open so easily for him, giving him access to your now unclothed pussy. Spit-slick fingers rub over your folds, gathering the wetness there. You let out a shaky breath.

"After all, it would be real fuckin' embarrassing if you did," Naoya drawls, his voice always takes on this soft, condescending tone when he teases you. "If you pissed yourself, I mean."

Naoya kisses you again, this time skipping the pleasantries and parting your lips with his tongue, greedily licking against your own to taste the inside of his sister's mouth. You're overextending yourself, trying to focus on too many things at once to forget how dangerously close you are to pissing yourself, because if you were to let go right now, it would get all over your big brother's hand – and then you really wouldn't catch a break. So you try to focus on the softness of his tongue, on the pleasure of his fingers finding friction over your swollen clit.

"I don't wanna," you whimper, voice sounding like that of a petulant child. "Naoya-nii..."

"No?" He mocks, nearly grinning from ear to ear. "Don't wanna piss yourself like a dumb baby? Then don't."

One hand grips your hip to steady you, the fingers on his other finally breaching the tight entrance of your cunt. Your jaw drops, mouth hanging open in a moan. His fingers are thick. He always gives you two right off the bat, claiming he's being generous and prepping you for his dick instead of making you take it. It's funny, how he loves you like that.

His sweet baby sister, opening for him like a flower.

Pleasure sparks through your body as the heel of his palm grinds into your clit, providing the right amount of pressure in tandem with his prodding fingers. Your mouth hangs open, unmoving and pliant while his tongue licks into it, kissing the corner of your lips. The fullness of your bladder makes everything feel so much more sensitive, more responsive as your brother works his fingers and and out of your cunt, aided by your saliva and drooling arousal.

Knowingly, his fingers reposition and curve, finding that spot within you and targeting it with the pads of his fingers. It triggers what you've been fighting so hard to hold. For the first time since he started berating you, you move, hands clinging to his clothed forearm, clawing at it in desperation. Your body and mind are on two different pages, the little voice in your head still grounded in reality screaming for you to push him off. Maybe you could swing it with a desperate surge of cursed energy, but your hands urge his fingers deeper, keeping them pressed against that spot.

Naoya seems to like this, cock throbbing at the sight of you trying to get yourself off on his fingers. He can feel your pussy squeezing, sucking them deeper.

"Hey, you forget your fuckin' manners?" He reprimands, though the amused look on his face doesn't match his tone. He's getting off on this, the sick bastard. You know he is. "Gonna ask me first or were you just gonna keep humping my hand like some desperate slut?"

"Please, Naoya-nii," you blurt out, the tightly-wound coil inside you clenching tighter by the second.

"The fuck was that?"

"Nii-sama," you correct, pleading. It's so fucking close. "Nii-sama, please, can I cum?"

Naoya hums, pretending to think it over. His fingers plunge in and out of your cunt at a rapid pace, filling the small room with the obscene squelching of your arousal. Your hips move on their own, desperate to meet his pace, riding his thick fingers to chase the high. Maybe you have the restraint to hold it, let yourself cum on his fingers and still have enough time to rush to the bathroom before it takes a turn for the worse.

"Gonna pull that shit again?" He asks, pace not relenting. "Hm? Gonna lash out at me again like a spoiled brat when everyone can see you? Make me look like a fuckin' idiot?"

"No!"

"Yeah, better fuckin' not. Undermine me again and I'll kill ya. Now cum for me."

You don't need any further prompting. Your body goes lax, walls clamping snug around Naoya's fingers before releasing, soaking them in a hot rush of cum. He fucks you through it, not once stopping or slowing, narrow brown eyes watching your pussy coat his knuckles in a layer of milky white. "There's my good girl," he praises, soft but sweet, only ever meant for you to hear. "There's my good baby girl, that's it, let me have it."

It hits you for the last time before your orgasm even finishes, the relaxing of your muscles. You physically can't hold it back anymore, even if you could, it's far too late.

There's another surge of warmth, the wet sloshing of another liquid streaming from your spread legs and making a mess on your brother's hand, soaking the sleeve of his haori, soaking the tatami, trickling down your inner thighs in clear rivulets. Naoya's jaw drops, eyes widening at the sight. Even then, he can't fucking stop.

"What did I say, huh? Didn't I tell you to hold it?" His fingers press harder at your inner walls, ramping up the pace, desperate to fuck every last drop from you as his cock throbs under his hakama. "You're that incapable, can't even hold your own piss?"

You're fucking horrified.

"I'm sorry, nii-sama!" you sob. "I didn't mean to, I promise!"

"Yeah, yeah," he sneers. "Go on then, let it out."

With no other option, you resign yourself. Your body slumps forward onto Naoya's broader frame, shuddering, the urine releasing in pulsating gushes along with your orgasm, further soaking everything else. Hand, haori, tatami, even the linen of your kimono pooled underneath you. Your body is overwhelmed. Your face burns hotter, eyes drooping in exhaustion and relief. Blood rushes in your ears, heart pounding loud enough, you're certain Naoya can hear it.

The room spins.

Naoya's opposite hand rubs your back in a rare act of affection. It feels different from pity. He kisses the top of your head, then your shoulder, allowing you to come down slowly.

As the rushing of blood quiets, you're too ashamed to pull your face from the crook of his neck.

"Kid, look at me."

"Don' wanna."

"Come on."

Sniffling, you force yourself upright, still kneeling on your jello legs.

Still kneeling on the cold, soaked garments. Gross.

Naoya cradles your feverish cheek. You look cute like this, lips pouted, face absolutely debauched. His heart swells in his chest.

"I'm sorry, nii-sama."

"You kidding me?" He laughs under his breath. "You know how hot that fuckin' was? Almost came in my pants 'cause of you. Wanna see you do that shit again for me."

Embarrassed, you scoff and look away, but your brother redirects you, kissing you once more – chaste, but gentle. Reassuring.

After that, he leans back and starts undressing from the waist up, shrugging off his haori, working on his kimono, all until the soiled garments sit in a heap.

"Now go get someone to clean this shit up."

"Me?" You ask, incredulous, looking down at your disheveled form – still soaked, might you add. "Can't you go find someone to do it?"

"I wasn't the one that pissed myself, little sis. Now get out of here."

#tw piss #tw incest #tw humiliation #drops this and runs #this was good practice #not putting this shit in the tags lmaoooo #mercury writes

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anangelwhodidntfall · 1 year

Note

Hi! I really liked your dad!jake stories and I've got an idea for an alternative version of Picasso (Specifically PT 2) where The reader ends up feeling really insecure and starts changing everything about herself, like she removes the color from her hair And doesn't even do her art anymore, and even begins to talk less and less and starts to just avoid people until Jake confronts her about it comforts her

I'm a sucker for hurt/comfort with dad!Jake lmao If you do take this idea could you tag me in it if you don't mind? :))

Oooh I love this idea <3, I literally wrote this during my planning period so I apologize if it isn't the best. Anyways dad!jake warms my heart, I wish he was real :(

Picasso P.II-Alternate Ending

Your dad was the first to notice you changing and not for the better since arriving at the island. It started with the removal of the pink from your hair which wouldn't have been a big deal until he asked if you wanted to put color back in and you shook your head no before he even got the question out of his mouth.

"Hey is everything alright with your sister?" He asked your twin.

"I haven't noticed anything different about her yet but I can keep an eye on her." He offered as your dad nodded his head.

The next red flag was that you stopped doing your art completely which neteyam brought to his attention. It had started when Tuk asked you to help her draw something and you said no poor Tuk didn't understand so neteyam stepped in and you bit his head off about it before leaving and leaving your siblings confused.

"She just snapped at us." Neteyam said to your parents concerned.

Your parents looked at your room in concern as your siblings told them about your changing behavior and tried to figure out what was going on.

"Give her some space maybe she is just having a hard time adjusting to the situation." Neytiri said but your dad couldn't help but feel like something deeper was happening.

And he was right just as your siblings told him a few days ago, you truly stopped doing art which made him sad to see because you were just so talented in his eyes and he didn't understand what was happening with you.

The final red flag was when you started avoiding everyone and talking less. Your dad noticed that you were less talkative with everyone but especially him, it was like you were closing yourself off from the world.

Your dad had enough and was planning on talking to you about it when you got home only when he returned he could hear your cries.

"Babygirl?" He asked stepping into your room.

All he saw was your tears before you ran into his arms and wrapped them around his waist making him concerned as he comforted you.

"It's okay baby girl, I'm right here." He said as your tears finally stopped and your breathing started to mellow out.

"I don't fit in here Dad...ever since we got here I've been picked on about my hair, my art, and just everything and I thought that maybe if I stopped doing that stuff I could fit in....but it still didn't work they still picked on me and I didn't want to say anything because it seemed like Neteyam and lo'ak we're adjusting fine...so I that kept it to myself but I can't do it anymore." You said as your father's heart broke.

"I just want to fit in." You said quietly snapping your dad out of his thoughts.

"Look at me baby, you were born to fit in. You were born to stand out...the hair color... the art.... everything about you is born to stand out you're not supposed to be like me or your mother or your siblings....you are supposed to be your own person...and I know it's hard right now and I know what you are going through right now but don't conform....show them who you truly are...because the right ones will love you for it." Your dad said staring into your eyes as you nodded your head.

"I love you baby and the next time you are even remotely feeling like this, I want you to come to tell me, I don't want you to ever suffer in silence again, you hear me?" He asked you.

"I do. I love you, Dad, thank you." You said hugging him and feeling him squeeze you a little tighter.

A few hours later, you were passed out in your dad's lap from all the crying when your family had come back for the evening...all laughing until they saw you and your dad and instantly shut up not wanting to disturb you.

"Is she okay?" Your mom asked taking a seat next to your dad, running a hand through your hair.

"She will be. Turns out some of the islanders had been making some comments about her and she took it to heart..she just wanted to fit in." Your dad said as your mom frowned not realizing her daughter had been hurting so much.

"Oh, my sweet girl." She said placing a kiss in your hair.

"You two..." Your dad said but they stopped him.

"Already on it..no one hurts her and gets away with it...but tomorrow let's spend the evening with her." Neteyam said taking a seat on the other side of your dad as your siblings gathered around you to make sure you felt how loved you were.

You smiled a small smile to yourself hearing all the kind words your family had to say about you and your uniqueness maybe being different was a good thing after all.

#dad!jakesully #dad!jake sully x reader #dad!jake x daughter!reader #dad!jake #mom!neytiri x reader #sully!reader #sully family #sully family x reader #avatar the way of water

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thatdeadaquarius · 1 year

Note

hi! quick tip: if you’re on mobile type ‘:readmore:’ then hit enter! i dunno if you’ve been told but. yeah :)

also, your recent piece on apd was incredible!! very nice to see representation!! keep up the excellent work <3 it did get me thinking though: reader with vocal stims, cementing it in the acolytes’ minds that you don’t speak the language of teyvat, and then you’re all just stuck in this loop of “oh man they don’t speak the same language of me” but they DO

if asks are closed or this is outside of your comfort zone then feel free to delete! have a lovely day <3

AHFJLAKLOSUDBABWB U FELT REPRESENTED YAY!!

A cookie for thee, and also extra for telling me how to do Expand thingy on mobile ilysm 🤲🍩🍪✨️ (pspspsps all askers,, u get cookies,,cometothedarksidepspspspspsss)

I was so worried bc it wasnt like super all the aspects of Apd issues, and it was very based on my personal experience w/ similar symptoms + other bits of ppl's experience so i was hoping it still felt somewhat recognizable for ppl w/APD!! Tysm for the feedback :D

NOTE ABOUT VOCAL STIM DEPICTED:

So i think ive experienced verbal stims, so this is a combination of others shared experiences + personal experience, and while everybody experiences things individually/their own way, please let me know if there is something obviously inaccurate/maybe even offensive.

You will definitely not make me mad or otherwise offended, I really want to hear that kind of feedback from others who vocal stim!

Thank you so much for reading! :)

___________________♡_____________________

So lets just say that ur vocal stims r pretty non-verbal or non-sensical ("her sister was a WITCH BRO-" like memes that dont make sense to them)

Or like, u have verbal stims that r actual language but they dont hang around long enough to hear it maybe ??

♤

So like, this ends up happening

Chongyun was exploring near Qingce village for supernatural stuff as usual

And U were just vibin, chillin near Qingce village livin ur best Creator god cottagecore life

And ur like planting a new seedbed, Jueyun Chilis :) (bc jfc however bad it was to collect them in game, its 10x worse in person, ur tired of running around town getting chilis, Qingce isnt exactly flat 💀)

♡

And every seed u put in the dirt ur like "boop!"

And Chongyun comes by, bc u at edge of town, and the villagers mentioned a strange new traveler settling here

He immediately feels a wave of that same feeling he used to feel when the Creator god had their eyes on him, or would assist him in battles

So poor boy almost overheats trying to climb up the hill to ur house

And is like "??...Creator??"

Then kinda stops bc ur just like-

"Boop!" "Boop!" "Boop!" ☺️ LMAO

And then u finish planting seeds, get the watering can,,

And everytime u pour it just-

... "EJACK! Come, water!"

(Ur saying it so fast too, and he's still somewhat farther away, so he cant rlly hear that well too)

...

And its just so incomprehensible to Chongyun he's deadass like "A DIFFERENT LANGUAGE??!"

So of course,

He waves, 👋

And ur like omg icy boy!! :D 🧊💙

But u dont say anything yet, and then he starts,, miming?? He points at u? Then like?? Points up? The sky?? Then like, mimes swinging his claymore???

(ARE U THE CREATOR??!!)

U look up, very confused 🧐

He seemes frustrated.

Then he just kinda, bows and leaves?

...

...oh no.

Do Teyvat people speak that crazy language that u saw in game?

Instead of English??

Well.

Shit.

...

.... U havent rlly talked to anyone in Qingce yet since u just got here in Teyvat like a week ago

And found this abandoned house

♧

It just gets worse 😭

Bc slowly, one by one,

Each playable character in Liyue comes to attempt to talk to you

(And since u have a farm, and they keep giving u food/goods? For some reason?? U still dont need to go into town)

☆

At one point, even Zhongli shows up

And thru complex miming and hand motions u think he means dont worry abt him? Like just go back to what u were doing?? Okay??

U guess he's just gonna chill here for now?

...

...Zhongli just kinda,, squints, and puts his hand on his chin in his classic "thinking very hard" face

So ur tending to the garden saying,

" FREDDY! You're supposed to be on lockdown!Vanessa...I'm... a Material Gworl✨️"💀

...Just, on an endless loop LMAO-

...

(Hes trying to see if he recognizes any part of ur language, poor old man 🤔🤔😭)

♤

And it just snowballs even more, and now,

None of you have even tried to say a word to each other. 🤡

(Other than ur vocal stims)

...

Keqing: "Perhaps, it's similar to Fontaine's native language?"

You, in the background: "🎵 dUdE,,, sHe'S jUsT nOt InTo YoU 🎵" (mimicking the autotune and everything)

Ganyu & Keqing: "..."

You: " 🎵 gOtTa MoVe On, mOvE oN-🎵 Hurricane Katrina?? More like Hurricane Tortilla!"

Ganyu & Keqing: "...Can't be,"

"what else do we got? Should we call Yunjin to better mime for us??"

♡

Xiao's the first one to even get close to knowing u can actually talk to each other, bc he's always checking in on u most often <3

And he only heard u bc u swore u heard a monster outside ur house one night and came out ur house with a pitchfork, very nervous,

"...Hey there demons.. it's me.. ya boy."

(And u just keep stimming that out of nervousness to make urself feel better as u check around ur house lol)

Xiao: "??? Demons???!! WAIT-"

♧

By then, it literally took like 6 months for yall to finally have a real conversation 💀💀

...

(Chongyun got so embarassed bc he was one of the first few to misunderstand he overheated rip🙏)

Im. So. Sorry. This. Is. ✨️Ass✨️

Twas the best scenario i could come up with, im telling yall, im not as funny as the ppl who send in these asks 😔

Keep in mind, I never claimed i was funny or a good writer, u cant hold it against me lol /lh

Lower ur expectations LMAO

Well i hope u got sm enjoyment outta this anon, sorry abt the quality!! :)

Cheers,

🌒🌊🌧Aquarius♒️🌌🌘

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hoodharlow · 1 year

Text

Safety Net

AN: honestly idk it was going in one direction then i went off course lmao

Requested? No

Warnings: they’re both being fucking stubborn lmao, Jack says something stupid in front of Mami Maggie but she calls him out, and solo smut at the end lollll

Word Count: 4.6k words

Maggie eyed her oldest son as he fixed his hoodie to conceal his face. She rolled her eyes and pushed the cart. He followed behind her, looking around the aisle.

“Stop acting so paranoid. There isn’t a swarm of fans waiting for you around the corner.” she told him, placing a few jars of pasta sauce in her cart.

“I’m not being paranoid, I’m being cautious.” Jack said.

His mom rolled her eyes, turning to the next aisle. She popped her head and pointed to the pasta boxes. “Grab some penne noodles.”

Jack nodded and turned back. He spent a good thirty seconds deciding between the store’s brand version and the one that was two dollars more. He grabbed two boxes of the cheap kind and made his way to his mom. He heard her laugh before he turned the aisle. He frowned, wondering who was making her laugh. He took a peek, cursing when he saw his mom talking to Renata.

It had been three days since they saw each other. After they saw each other at Club Mystique, Renata blocked his number and removed him on instagram. He went to the club before they opened in case she was there but one of the dancers told him off in the parking lot. She threatened to have him banned if he ever showed up like he did.

“Jack, come here.” Maggie waved him over when she spotted him lurking. “You remember Renata, right babe.”

“Uh, not really mom.” he said, averting his gaze.

“Jack,” she began, ready to tell him off.

“It’s fine.” Renata laughed it off. “He’s famous now. He sees tons of faces everywhere. I wouldn’t expect him to remember me. It was nice seeing you miss Harlow, but I have to get going.”

“Bye dear.” Maggie said, pulling her into a hug. “Be safe.”

Renata smiled. She gave Jack a nod and pushed her cart away.

Jack braced himself, ready for his mom to tell him off.

“I raised you better than that.” she smacked his arm. “How can you not remember her? You would beg me to get her to tutor you!”

“I didn’t know you surrounded yourself with strippers.” he mumbled loud enough for Maggie to hear him.

She smacked the back of his neck. “Renata is a nice girl. She sacrificed so much so she could help take care of her brothers and sisters after what happened to parents.”

“What happened to her parents?” he asked feeling even more guilty.

“It’s not my place to talk about.” she said, calmly.

“You’re the one out here justifying her being a stripper not me.” Jack said in a judgmental tone.

“Don’t be a fucking hypocrite, Jack. You don’t think I’ve seen pictures of you at Magic Flame and Blue City when you’re in Atlanta.”

“It’s Magic City…” he tried correcting her.

“That’s not the fucking point!” she said in an annoyed tone. “You’re being awfully judgemental and disrespectful of Renata’s job as if you haven’t indulged people in her line of work. I don’t ever want to hear you talk bad about her or any sex worker. You hear me?”

“Yes ma’am.” he nodded.

Maggie collected herself and pushed the cart. They got the rest of the groceries and Jack paid for them. They made their way to his mom’s car when he spotted Renata’s car a row ahead of them.

“Hey mom, can you give me five minutes?” he asked her.

“Yeah, I was going to get a drink at Starbucks.” she said.

“I’ll go get you when I’m done.” he said.

Jack took the empty cart and brought it to the cart corral where the shopping carts go. He made a beeline to Renata’s car. He approached her car from behind as she backed out. She hit the brakes hard, only an inch before she hit him.

“Are you fucking crazy!?” she yelled out the window.

“Can we talk?” he asked.

Renata frowned and looked at him like he grew seven heads.

“Please,” he said.

“I work tonight. I’ll have a room booked at eleven, don’t be late.” she said before her window went up. Jack took a step back allowing her to back out of the parking spot. Her car window went down once more. “And bring Ollie’s Trolley.”

Renata looked out in the crowd once more as she held her pose. She and a few dancers had finished performing their own version of the ‘One in a Million’ song from Miss Congeniality. Her eyes landed on a familiar head of curls. Jack met her gaze and lifted a paper bag from Ollie’s Trolley. She quickly got up and ran back to her dressing room. She ripped off her Statue of Liberty crown and shedded out of its matching latex bodysuit.

“He’s here.” Tania said in a teasing tone.

“I know…what is he doing here?” Renata said in a frantic tone.

“Did you not tell him to come?” her friend asked her.

“I didn’t think he’d show!” She exclaimed.

“Girl, I say this with love, but you’re fucking stupid. Of course he was going to show up!” she said, helping Renata with her hair.

“Ugh, I hate myself. Why did I agree to this?” she sighed as she fixed her bodysuit.

“Because part of you knows he didn’t do anything wrong and you should hear him out.” Tania said in an older sister tone.

Renata gave her an unamused look. She zipped up her thigh high boots.

She would have changed into her tube top and shorts uniform but she had another dance scheduled that required her in a mesh bodysuit with rhinestones.

"Y'all I just walked Jack Harlow to the Blue Room." Hayleigh, one of the rude bottle girls that had one sided beef with Renata and Tania, said as she changed into a push-up bra. "I knew he'd come back to see me. I mean, hello."

Renata rolled her eyes. She and Tania shared a look through the mirror. Apparently Hayleigh was one of the bottle girls that was in Jack's private room with his friends and he kept asking her for soda water and cranberry juice. Then at the end of the night, he left her a hefty tip.

"I doubt he came back for you and your uneven eyebrows." Tania said, adjusting her eyelashes.

"Well who else would he be here for?" Hayleigh asked, putting her hands on her hips.

A stagehand came and motioned to Renata.

"Babe, the Blue Room is ready for you." She said as she spoke into a headset.

"I'll be there in a sec." She said, touching up her bold lipstick. She put on her robe and turned to Tania. "Bye."

"Bye girl."

Renata smoothed the invisible wrinkles around her robe. She fluffed her hair and made her way to the room. It was called the Blue Room because it had a navy blue couch. There wasn't much to it. The room was usually reserved for groups that wanted to indulge in one dancer in private. It was easy money, most of the dancers made the most tips in the room.

She found Jack sitting in the corner of the couch with his legs stretched out. One arm casually thrown over the back of the couch while he texted with his free hand. Renata would be lying if she didn’t find him attractive. She followed him on Instagram and had seen him mature through the years. But deep down he was still that overly confident guy that sat next to her in class and tried to distract her.

"Hey," he said, sitting up straight and locking his phone.

"Hi." Renata said, taking a seat a few feet away from him.

There was an awkward silence. Renata played with a loose string on her robe while Jack scratched his arm.

"One of the bouncers took the food, apparently it’s against the rules to bring outside food." He said, speaking up first.

"Crap, I forgot to tell Reggie you were bringing food." Renata said. "Sorry."

"Don’t worry about it." He shrugged her off.

There was another awkward silence between them.

"Look," Jack spoke up once more, "I honestly had no clue you worked here, but I’m sorry I made you uncomfortable."

"Okay." She nodded.

"That’s it?" He frowned.

"Yes? Were you expecting an apology of some sort?" She asked him.

"I mean you made me look like an asshole to everyone at your job." He argued.

"Well I’m fucking sorry that seeing people that I knew when I was younger is triggering for me. I should’ve thought about you and your feelings when I was having a fucking panic attack. Next time someone I know walks through the door and starts harassing me, I’ll make sure their harassments towards me don’t inconvenience you." Renata wiped her tears as she got up. "God, you’re such a dick."

"That's not fair," he began.

"No! You don’t get to make me feel like shit! You have to know where I’m coming from." She argued.

"How am I supposed to know where you’re coming from if you don’t tell me shit. You have no right to make me feel bad for not being aware of what happened to you in the last few years. The last time I saw you was at some high graduation pool party boasting about Stanford then I see you here." Jack ran his hand through his curls in frustration. "Obviously nothing is going to get resolved. Have a nice life Ren."

He pushed himself up from the couch and slammed the door shut. He forgot how irritable and argumentative Renata was. Jack hated it when their English and History classes had debate because he always ended up going against her and lost. He made his way to one of the bars and took a seat in the corner.

"What can I get you?" The bartender asked him.

"Sparkling water and cranberry juice please." He said.

"Hi, handsome, long time no see." The server that had walked him to the room Renata reserved said. "I can show you a better time than the pity hire."

"Your drink is ready," the bartender said, sliding the drink to Jack. She turned to the server. "Can you go collect the empty glasses from the tables? Thank you."

The server scoffed and made her way to the tables. Jack sipped his drink in silence. He was going to leave but something told him he should stay. He wasn’t sure why, but he was staying. Hours had gone by and it was now three in the morning, closing time. He tipped the bartender, who he later realized was the woman who told him to fuck off after the freak out with Renata. He figured they were close friends since they bickered in Spanish every time Renata came to the bar to get drinks. Not only is she a dancer but she's also a server.

As Jack walked to his car, he saw Renata standing in the corner in a long puffer coat. It reached halfway down her thighs. She looked down at her phone then up towards the street. Jack looked around the parking lot and didn’t see her car, deducing she was probably waiting for a ride. He knew she was probably going to say no, but he made his way to her.

"Is your ride almost here?" He asked her.

"No they just can– oh it's you." She said flatly.

"I can give you a ride." Jack offered.

"I’ll take my chances." She said, crossing her arms.

"Ren,"

"I said no. I would rather wait all night than get in a car with you." She said, turning around.

"It's late. There aren't many Ubers at this hour. Let me take you home." Jack said defeatedly.

"Fine only because it's late." She gave in.

Jack led her to her car and opened the passenger side door for her. Renata mumbled a quick thanks as she climbed in. Jack got in on the driver's side and started the car. He turned the heat on and the seat warmers for her.

"Do you still live by–"

"No, I live on the opposite side, near Costco. " She said. She pointed at the light. "You turn can here and take the back roads instead of the main street."

"Got it." Jack nodded as he changed lanes.

Their drive was mostly silent. Occasionally Renata spoke up to tell when a turn was coming up. Jack knew the area he was taking her. It wasn’t the bad side of town by any means, but it was definitely a downgrade for Renata and her family. He’d been to her old house a few times when he was in high school for tutoring and group projects. Not a lot would get done since Renata would have to get up every so often to check in on her siblings. The house was huge and in the middle of a large property.

"It’s the blue apartment complex at the next light." She pointed ahead.

Jack nodded and pulled into the underground parking lot when they reached the building. He went straight to the elevator and he turned off the car, ready to get out, when Renata opened the door herself. She opened her bag and pulled out a huge stack of twenties.

"Thanks for the ride and this should cover the burger. " She said, handing him a few twenties.

"It’s fine." He said, pushing the money back to her.

"Jack, please take it. I don’t like owing people money." She insisted.

"Your whole family lives with you?" He asked, changing the subject.

"I’m leaving this here." Renata placed the money in her seat, completely ignoring him. "Thank you for the ride."

She closed the door and made her way to the elevator. She scanned a card and then pressed a button. The elevator opened seconds later. Jack waited until the doors closed once more before driving home.

He arrived back to his own apartment and got ready for bed. The following day he woke up around noon and decided to hit up his favorite diner. He dressed in some green sweatpants and a grey hoodie. He added a black puffer coat since it was beginning to snow. The diner was less than twenty minutes from his place. There were several closer but he liked that one because it was pretty far and not many tourists frequent it. It’s more for locals. It was also where he and Renata would go to study when she didn’t have to watch her siblings.

He parked and made his way inside. He waved to Dotty, an elderly woman who owned the diner with her daughters, and went to sit in a booth in the back. Dotty was very friendly and made sure no one bothered him whenever he was at her diner. She was also a no nonsense type of woman and made sure to put Jack in his place for acting a little too silly.

He caught a familiar figure stomp passed him. Renata. He cursed and pulled on his hoodie in hopes that it covered his face. He heard her mutter something in Spanish then she sat in the booth next to him.

“He said he was going to have it ready this morning and his ass didn’t show up until two hours after he was supposed to open the shop. He’s so incompetent and unprofessional.” Jack heard Renata as she talked on the phone. There was a pause and she spoke up, “No, I’m treating myself to some french toast and a milkshake.”

“What will be, hun?” Dotty asked Jack. He cleared his throat and ordered a dressed cheeseburger with fries and milkshake in a low voice, so low Dotty couldn’t hear him. “Jack, I’m gonna need you to speak up. I can’t hear you.”

“What I always get,” he said.

“Hun, you’re not my only customer. I don’t have your order memorized.” she said, tapping her notepad with her pen.

“A cheeseburger with fries and a vanilla milkshake, oh and a side of ranch.” he said.

“See that wasn’t so hard.” the elderly woman said. “Comin’ right up.”

She moved on to Renata’s table and took her order. She got the french toast breakfast combo that came with eggs, sausage and hash browns. She also got a side of fries and an oreo milkshake. Dotty nodded and walked away.

Renata turned back and frowned. “Are you following me?”

“I’m not following you!” Jack whisper-yelled.

“Then what the fuck are you doing here?” she asked.

“Eating, it’s a fucking diner.” he argued back. He grabbed his coat and went to her booth.

“No! Go back to your table!” she pointed behind her.

“No.” he said. He awkwardly stood up and waved to Dotty. “I’m sitting with my friend.”

“Jack, these aren't musical chairs for you to move around as you please.” the older woman said, not even looking at his direction.

“Where’s your friend?” Renata asked.

“Can we start fresh?” Jack asked instead of answering her. He extended his hand out to her. “I’m Jack.”

Renata took it and awkwardly shook it. “I’m Renata.”

“What do you do for a living?” He leaned back and placed his hand on the table.

“I’m a server and dancer at Club Mystique.” she answered him, playing with the straw wrapper.

“And how does one become…” Jack paused, trying to form a sentence so he wouldn’t offend her..

Dotty came back with a large tray with their food. “Anything else I can get you?” she asked them.

“We’re good for now thank you.” Renata answered for them.

“Just holler if you need anything.” the older woman said.

Jack watched Renata shrug off her parka and reached for the small bottle of green Tabasco hot sauce, sprinkling some on her eggs. She squirted ketchup all over her eggs and added a huge dollop of it on her fries. She quietly began to eat while Jack lifted the top bun of his burger and added some ranch on it. He looked up and saw her making a grossed out face at him.

“What?” he asked.

“I forgot how much you like ranch.” she said, making a face.

“You say that like it’s a bad thing.” Jack took a huge bite out of his burger.

Renata gave the ‘sure Jan’ look and went back to eating. They ate in a comfortable silence. There was obvious tension, but it wasn’t to the point where it was nauseating and they needed to get away from each other.

“You know, working at Club Mystique wasn’t my first choice.” Renata said after a while. She dipped a fry into her milkshake and chewed thoughtfully. “After I was forced to close down the restaurant–”

“You closed the restaurant?” Jack asked.

“Yeah, after my parents got deported–”

“Your parents got deported? He stared at her, eyes wide and confused.

“Did you not know?”

He shook his head in response.

“Oh.” she said quietly. She felt her cheeks warm up.

“You don’t have to tell me if you’re not comfortable.”

“It’s not that…wow, I’m sorry. I really came for your throat and you were clueless the whole time.”

Jack shrugged. “It’s okay.”

“It’s not okay. I jumped to conclusions and I was so hard-headed on being right. I genuinely am sorry for all of that.” Renata apologized.

Jack reached for one of her hands and gave her a reassuring squeeze. “I promise you it's all good. I’m glad we got that out of the way and can start fresh. Alright?”

“Yeah, whatever you say.'' She nodded, smiling.

They went back to finishing their meals during which Renata told him everything that happened to her parents and how she became a server to make ends meet. Jack admired her for it. She didn’t have to step up and do all that, but she did. He felt angry at her parents and everyone who turned their back on her family. Her family was well known and did a lot for the community. They later changed the topic and Jack got to know Renata more.

Her phone buzzed. She scrambled to get it out of the many pockets in her parka. She scanned the message and smiled, replying. She looked up at Jack apologetically.

“I have to go, my car is ready at the shop and . I have to pick it up.” she began.

“Do you need a ride?” he offered.

“No, it’s just across the street. Thank you though.” she said, pulling out a stack of twenties to pay for her food.

“I got it this time.” Jack said, covering her hand with his whole hand.

“Okay,” she nodded. She put on her parka and slid out of her seat. She fixed her bag and turned to him. “Come to the club and I’ll repay you then.”

***

Renata felt a familiar pair of blues on her. Her smile grew as she dropped to her knees and rolled her hips, keeping eye contact with Jack. She got on all fours as another dancer backed into her and rocked her hips against Renata’s ass. The song ended and all the other dancers posed as money rained over them. Renata got up and rushed to the dressing room.

She was nervous. She hadn’t seen in over two weeks. It was now mid February. Earlier she saw that he posted about visiting their old high school. He had texted her asking if she was going to be in the club. She wasn’t, but she switched shifts with another dancer so she could see him.

“I see why you traded shifts with Larisa.” Tania said.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Renata said, putting on her uniform.

“Oh please everyone saw you two eye fuck each other while you were dancing and he watched. Admit it.” her friend said.

“We’re just friends.” she insisted.

“Whatever you say.” she sang-song.

Renata rolled her eyes and touched up her makeup.

“Ren, the Blue Room is ready.” a stage hand said before signaling to other dancers to get ready for the next dance routine.

The Blue Room had become Jack’s designated room for him and Renata to hang out. Whenever he’d go visit Renata at the club. He’d reserve an hour and they would just talk and hang out. It was also the most expensive room and Renata told him about the other cheaper rooms he could reserve, but he didn’t care.

“Thank you.” she nodded. She looked over to Tania and averted her eyes. “Don’t.”

“I didn’t even say anything.” she said defensively.

“Te conozco.” she said as she tied her sneakers. They were a pair of all white New Balance 550s. The owners let the servers wear sneakers instead of heels as long as they were white.

Renata walked out of the dressing room and went to the Blue Room. Jack was already there nursing his sparkling water and cranberry juice.

“Hey.” he said, getting up to hug her.

“Hi.” she said, hugging him back.

They went to the couch. They jumped into conversation. Jack caught her up in latest trip. He had a few shows and was in Florida for some celebrity flag football event. Renata liked listening to his stories when he’s traveling. Mostly because she couldn’t believe the guy that would sit next to her in classes was now a well known celebrity. He could have hundreds of millions of fans but to her he’s still the overly confident guy that used to make her laugh in class that she had a crush on.

Their hour ended sooner than they expected. They always somehow lost track of time. Jack usually hung back in the main lounge until closing time while Renata finished her shift. At first he felt a bit uncomfortable when she would go on stage for the group numbers, but Renata reassured him it’s fine. She joked that was when he was allowed to look at her disrespectfully.

“Refill?” Tania asked Jack when he approached the bar.

“Yes please.” He nodded.

Tania poured his drink and passed it to him.

Jack sat back and sat in his little bubble on his phone. Since he had become a regular, he was allowed to be on his phone as long as he wasn’t recording. Renata came by and handed Tania a drink order for a group. He watched her walk back to the group, paying extra attention to her ass as she bent down to hand the drinks. He felt a hard smack on his head.

“Ow!” he said, turning to Tania.

“Don’t oggle my best friend.” she said as she wiped the counter.

“I wasn’t.” Jack denied.

“Mhm sure.”

Before he could muster up a lie, Renata came back and put her tray back. The last group number was coming up and she had to go change. The stage lights were on as stagehands placed chairs on the stage. A few minutes later passed and the lights dimmed. The beginning of ‘Safety Net’ played as the dancers made their way to their chairs.

Jack immediately spotted Renata. She wore a dark red mesh catsuit with small rhinestones all over. He kept his gaze on her watching her every move. The song was pretty slow and didn’t have a complex routine. The dancers mainly sat on their chairs and moved their arms around in sync. But that didn’t stop Jack from getting hard from watching Renata move her hands all over her body.

The dance routine ended and the owners announced that it was closing time. All the patrons got up and moved to the exit. Jack waited until everyone left before he went to his car. He had parked next to Renata’s car. She came out a while later with Reggie behind her. When he saw Jack was waiting for her, he went back to escort the other dancers.

They resumed their conversation from earlier. They unknowingly moved closer to each other to share body heat. Renata dropped her eyes to his lips then looked back at him, hoping he’d get the hint. He leaned forward and placed his warm hand on her. He slowly inched to her mouth when a car alarm went off.

“I gotta go, but text me when you’re home. Yeah?” he asked her, rubbing his knuckles against her cheek.

“Yeah.” she nodded.

Jack opened her car door and held it for her as she climbed inside. He closed it and watched her sped off.

Renata got home and texted Jack right before she got in the shower. Every night after working at the club she took a shower because no matter what she did she always got body glitter on her. She got dressed in an oversized t-shirt and a pair of panties. She wasn’t tired so she reached for a book in her growing pile of unread books she had next to her bed. But she couldn't concentrate on her book. Her mind was flooded with thoughts of Jack. It wasn’t rare for her to have these thoughts, but she knew she shouldn’t have them since Jack was her friend.

Renata propped herself against her pillows and let her mind wonder. She played with her breasts a little, squeezing them, gently pulling her nipples. After she teased herself a bit, her hands wandered down her body until they reached her panties. She slipped them off and rubbed herself. She imagined Jack was the one touching her.

Her mind went back to their almost kiss and how he caressed her cheek with his knuckle. A simple gesture shouldn’t have her dripping for him, but it did. She immediately moaned out for him as she got closer to climax. She pulled her fingers out and reached for her vibrator. She set it to the lowest setting and slid her fingers inside once more. She whimpered and cried his name when she came. She increased the speed and rubbed it all over her. her moans and whimpers got louder as she came.

Once her high faded, she turned off her vibrator and went to sleep, dreaming that Jack was touching her once more.

Taglist: @cherryxcreme @heavyhitterheaux @carma-fanficaddict @youngharleezyxo @youngharleezy @babyharleezy @that-90s-girllll @alinaharlow @whywontyoulovemecami @meyocoko @harlowcomehome @nattinatalia @webinurcloset @gassyandsassy1 @jackharloww @awhore4moree @noescapricho-essentimiento @a-moment-captured @livsters @velvetstreets

#iwssa #jack harlow #jack harlow fanfic #jack harlow angst #jack harlow smut

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yelenasdiary · 1 year

Text

The Third Widow || Natasha Romanoff

Pairing: Wanda Maximoff X Fem! Belova! Reader.

Summary: Y/n Belova is the younger biological sister of Yelena Belova and the adoptive sister of Natasha Romanoff. Saved from Red Room by Melina & Alexei she now must adjust to a new normal. Going to school, recovering, and finding love in the eyes of another troubled teen, Wanda Maximoff. All while General Dreykov has his eyes set on claiming back what he calls his most powerful ‘widow’.

Angst | Comfort | No Warnings | 2.1K |

Notes: Flashbacks are bold, italic and start with ‘~’ | Written in second person. |

AC: Ignore the text not the gif lmao.

The Third Widow Masterlist

"Nat, there's somebody here to see you" Steve popped his head into the redhead's room, breaking her train of thought, "I'll be down in a moment" she replied as she finished filling out one of the many mission report forms. "It's Y/n" Steve adds, Natasha turned to face him, "send her in and please don't let anybody else up"

"Of course," he smiles softly before closing the door. Natasha cleaned up her desk a little and checked her mini fridge for a selection of drinks to offer just before she heard your light knock on her door. "Come in" Natasha said with a welcoming smile as you opened the door, "I'm sorry to come unannounced, I was wondering if I could talk to you?" You looked at the older woman with tired eyes.

"Sure, do you want to talk here, or we can take a walk?"

"Uhm, here, please"

"Of course, take a seat anywhere" Nat smiled softly once more, "what's going on?" she asked once you were sat comfortable on the end of her bed. Your eyes looked up at her, "I can't sleep" your eyes dropped to your hands in your lap, "I can't stop thinking about all the things I've done, I mean, made to do" you added, "I don't want to worry the others"

"You're struggling to adjust?" Natasha asked as she sat beside you, "yeah" you sighed. "It's not easy, I'm not going to sugar coat it for you, but I found that talking about it actually helped. It took me a long time to trust anybody enough to share the things I'd done"

"Did you have nightmares? Did you still hear his voice ringing in your ears?" you looked up at her hoping she understood and to your relief she nodded, "I did and that's one of the reasons I became an Avenger, to make up for the things I did, to try and clear the bad from my name as much as I can before its my time. I know something that might help if you're interested"

"What is it?" you asked.

"This is something I haven't told anybody, but I help out at the girl's orphanage not far from here. I teach them self-defence and I take them out for the day when I had time off. It might not seem like much but seeing them smile makes it worth it. There's just like how you and I were, how you and Yelena were, girls that just want a chance to do simple things like go to school, get a job, girls that Dreykov would've easily taken if he had a chance" Natasha turned slightly to face you face-to-face. "They would love to meet you and maybe they might be able to help give you some hope that things will be okay, maybe not overnight but over time, things will be okay" she added.

"I'd like that" you smiled softly at the idea, "C-can I stay here for a few days? I find that Melina's house is a little much for me right now" you asked, Natasha smiled back, "there's always a room here, you can stay here as long as you need. Does Melina know you're here?"

You nodded, "I'll call her to tell her I'll be here for a few days"

"I'll do it" Natasha gently rubbed your back, "So, I hear Wanda made a visit last week" She raised a brow, changing the topic just to see you get giddy. "Y-yeah, she jus-just wanted to catch up" you stuttered as you felt the butterflies flutter in your stomach, Nat chuckled at the redness in your cheeks, "come on, I'll show you the spare room"

----

Natasha could hear the discomfort you were in, with your room next to hers it was hard for her not to hear the groans and sleep talking from your nightmare. She hated to invade your privacy, but she remembered when she used to have nightmares just like yours and how she always longed to feel safe again. She made her way quietly into your room, she could see the droplets of sweat pooling from your forehead, the way you kept tossing and turning reminded her of how dark her nightmares were.

She placed a glass of water on the bedside table and kneeled beside you, "Y/n" she whispered causing you to groan and toss once more, "Y/n, it's just a dream" she added but still, you didn't wake. "I won't do it!" you shouted in your sleep when you felt Natasha pull you close to her, your eyes fluttered open tears instantly falling from them. "It's okay" Natasha rubbed your back while keeping you wrapped her in arms, "it's just a dream"

"I just want them to stop" you cried, clinging onto your older sister as if this was the last time, you'd ever get to hug her and feel the comfort she was able to bring. "I know and they will, I'm going to help you, I promise" Natasha assured you as she continued to rub your back while you cried yourself back to sleep. Gently she shifted you and laid your head on the pillow while she quickly went back to her room to grab the mission reports she hadn't finished.

While you slept, Natasha stayed up filling out reports and being there for you with assuring words and comfort for when you woke up again. She didn't mind doing this, she'd had plenty of nights where she didn't sleep, sometimes for nights on end during missions. Natasha kept a count of how many times you woke up during the night, totaling 6 times while she was there. When morning came, she quietly let herself out and allowed you the sleep in you needed.

"You're up" she smiled as you entered the kitchen, "coffee?" she asked.

"Please" you nodded, your eyes wanting nothing more than to be sleeping again. Natasha handed you a mug of fresh warm coffee, "thank you for last night" you looked at her before taking the coffee from her hands. "Don't mention it" Natasha smiled, "I thought today we could go down to the orphanage, if you're up for it" she added. "Yeah, sounds good. I just need a shower and this coffee" you replied before taking your first sip, "take your time, I'll just need to hand that pile of paperwork into Tony"

The warm coffee was just what your body was craving to help keep you awake or maybe the help of seeing Wanda was more than enough to keep your eyes from closing. "Natasha said you were here" her voice made you blush just like you did when you were younger, "yeah, I thought I'd come see what Nat's all about" you joked not wanting to tell her why you sought Natasha's help.

"How long are you staying?"

"Only a few days"

"Do you think you'd have time for a sleep over?" she smiled softly. "A sleep over?" you frowned causing Wanda to chuckle, "you've never had one before, it'll be fun, I promise" she replied.

"What exactly do you do at a sleepover besides sleep?"

"Eat a bunch of crappy food, watch trashy movies, gossip, do a bunch of girly crap" she explained with a convincing smile. "You'll love it, what do you say?"

"I fear I don't have a choice" you smiled, "how about my last night here?"

"Sounds perfect! I can't wait" she playfully winked before helping herself to the fruit bowl, "what's your plans today?" she asked.

"Uhm, Natasha and I are doing something, she wouldn't tell me about it though" you lied.

"Well, I'm making dinner for everybody tonight, will you and Natasha be joining us?"

"I'm pretty sure, yeah!" you smiled, "I should hit the shower, I told Nat I wouldn't be long. I'll see you tonight" you added before giving her one last soft smile.

----

"Nat!!" a young girl with blonde hair came running into Natasha's arms, "Hey there!" your older sister smiled as she hugged the young girl, "we have missed you! Are you taking us out today?" she asked with a wide smile.

"Not today honey, but I have somebody I want you all to meet. This is Y/n, she's my younger sister"

"Hi" you smiled at the little girl that somehow within such a short few minutes made your heart feel full. "Hi! I'm Taylor" she smiled with a wave, "Come on, let's go meet everybody else" Natasha took Taylor's hand as you followed closely behind.

The room was almost like a classroom, there were roughly 10 young girls playing board games or drawing. "The older girls are in glass; these little angels are all between 7 and 10 years old" Natasha explained as more girls greeted Natasha with wide smiles and big hugs. "Girls, I want you to meet somebody special, this is Y/n" Natasha introduces you before the room is filled with greetings to you, "Can you girls keep her company for a moment?" she asked, not a single no was said. "I'll be back, I just need to go chat to somebody, you'll be okay" she turns to you with a smile before she's out the door. One of the girls tugs your hand and asks you to play monopoly with them or maybe it was just code so everybody would ask you questions about yourself.

They asked many questions like what your favorite color was, which was your favorite movie, your least favorite food, what do you like more, dogs or cats? Anything the young girls would think of to build their own profile on you. Although you didn't mind it at all, you answered all their questions, even if you had to make up an answer.

"Are you going to come back every week like Nat does?" Brianna asked with wide eyes and rosie cheeks. "Would you guys like that?" you asked, "yes!! You could come with us to the places Nat takes us! She's so fun, she lets us eat ice cream before lunch!" one of the girls pitched in, exposing their little secret with Nat. "Yeah!! Nat is taking us to the carnival on the weekend, will you come?" Taylor said.

"Pleaseeee!!" the girls begged in sync, "well I don't see why I can't" you smiled softly earning a bundle of 'yes' from the girls then at last, you all played a game of monopoly.

----

The drive back to the compound was mostly silent as you got lost in your thoughts, "I can hear your thoughts from here, come on, what's up?" Natasha glanced over to you before putting her attention back on the road. "Those girls, they have barely anything and yet they seem so full of life, and nothing seems to worry them" you looked over at Natasha, "they were happy to see you and to even get to know me" you added.

"You know, they do worry" Natasha replied, "they worry every single time a couple walk through those front doors to take one of them home, they worry who it's going to be. Will it be them or somebody else and when it's not them, their hearts are broken. They worry why they weren't picked; all they want is a family" she explains taking another look at you for a second. "You saw how excited they were when they met you, how they wanted to know everything about you and for those few hours we were there, they weren't thinking about whose next or why they weren't picked, all they cared about was making a new friend" she adds.

A soft smile tugged at your lips, "and I guess for those moments I didn't feel like I was born into a world to be used as a weapon" you spoke softly.

"You weren't born for that, we were just dealt with crappy cards and now we just have to find things that make us as happy as those girls, even when we know things are perfect we can still find joy in little things"

"I see what you did, very smart" you chuckled, "seeing those girls, I needed that, thank you" you added.

"What are sisters for?" Natasha smiled softly, "do you think I could join you in helping them? I mean, I'd really like too" you asked. "Of course, we'll talk more about it tomorrow, I hear Wanda is cooking dinner for us all tonight" she nudged you lightly. "If I tell you about Wanda, will you stop dropping the hints that you know? Yelena told me everybody knew" you raised a brow.

"Well, is there anything to tell?"

"Maybe" you blushed unable to hide it.

"Its your business so I won't poke around anymore but, you are my sister and if Wanda steps out of line I wi-"

"What is with you and Yelena?! God!" You groaned as your cheeks got more warm, "We care about you, that's all and look, it's nothing against Wanda, I know her well" Natasha smirks, "I just wanted to see you squirm" she admits. "You're an ass!" you chuckled.

#natasha romanoff #natasha romanoff x reader #black widow #fanfiction #marvel #wanda maximoff #yelena belova

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shankschewtoy · 2 years

Note

Hi! I've been lurking here for quite some time now and I love your blog! 🤍 Just saw your requests are open so I thought I'd try my luck😊

Could I request headcanons for Luffy, Ace and Sabo with a fem reader who happens to be Luffy's biological older sister (like 9 years older than him) and she kind of adopts Ace and Sabo as her brothers too and is almost like their mother figure. If it's not too much to ask, could you mix it up between ASL as kids and as big boys? I just love them so much 🤍

I hope you have an amazing day, I love your writing and I wanna thank you in advance if you feel like writing for my request🤍 if not, that's fine as well, I'm just happy to read whatever else you deliver 🤍

a/n - I audibly gasped- idk if my heart can take this 😭 anon this idea is so adorable I can’t- 🥺 tysm for this request! It brightened my day a lot lol <3

Warnings ⚠️ - fem reader, fluff!

Younger au -

Luffy

- awwww he loves his older sister!!

- I mean he’s kind of a handful so you might have to keep him outta trouble a lot of the time tho

- you must force him to bathe for the sake of the entire world

- please. I’m begging you. Chuck him into the fucking bucket of water idk-

- AND TELL HIM THAT SOAP ISNT FOR EATING PURPOSES

- you really were that one person who stayed with him whenever he was lonely

- As he said, it’s more painful to be alone

- Luffy looks up to you for a lot of things, and sometimes you’ll find him mimicking what you do hehe

- Let’s say you’re helping someone walk across a busy street, carrying their bags because their hands were full

- Luffy will try to do the exact same thing (key word try) the very next day, but end up screwing it up somehow

- he ate this poor old lady’s groceries lmao

- he’s trying though! His heart’s in the right place :)

- When you met his brothers, Ace and Sabo, you were more than happy to accept them as your family, the more the merrier!

- … yes you had to bathe all three of them now good luck-

- Dadan thought you were an Angel sent from the heavens

- Compared to the fucking demons like Luffy, Sabo, and Ace lmao

- Luffy wants to be able to make you proud of him, all he wants is for you to be happy!

- His pride gets so fucking big when you say how cool his attacks were and stuff lol

- “You’re just a weird rubber man!” -ace

- “No I’m not! Don’t make fun of the gomu gomu no mi!”

- “Hey Luffy! That attack was cool!” -you

- … “REALLY?! HAHA! See ace?! Y/n thinks it’s cool!”

- he immediately perks up whenever you tell him stuff like that lmao

Sabo

- he was a bit skeptical at first, but not nearly as suspicious as ace was of you

- He immediately took a liking to you, and started looking up to you like Luffy did :)

- out of the three, he was the more responsible one (no this doesn’t mean he’s responsible in any way)

- Sabo often watched you do daily tasks with the most amazed look on his face

- The poor boy didn’t have much of a mother figure or role model to go off of, so you were amazing in his eyes!

- He loved it when you read stories to all three of them, that was his favorite part of the day :)

- Although he’s read the books you read to them numerous times, listening to the way you read is all worth it!

- (he prefers it when you make up your own stories hehe)

- he never admits that tho bec Ace would never let him hear the end of it lmao

- Sabo’s an extremely curious kid, so he asks you questions literally every second he sees you

- “Hey y/n!! I found a weird bug, it has a bunch of legs! Look!” (It’s a fucking centipede)

- You honestly don’t really enjoy poisonous bugs

- “SABO THAT’S POISONOUS GET AWAY FROM IT- NO DON’T EAT IT LUFFY NO-!”

- … Luffy’s alive dw lmao

- one time, Sabo heard something from ace, probably something children of their age shouldn’t be hearing

- “Y/n.. What’s a cunt? Ace was talking about it earlier and he never told me what it was.”

- “.. ace?..”

- you beat ace’s ass later

- You felt so horrible, you had to turn Sabo’s mind much to early

- Sabo has been traumatized lmao

- Sabo stopped asking questions for a little while-

Ace

- this boy is so suspicious of you at first- like I’m talking squinting eyes, crossed arms, and he’s always paying attention to your every move

- at some point you played along with it and jump scared him a couple times

- He’ll never forgive you for that /j

- honestly, he looks at you as his true family (never says that out loud)

- It was from you where he learned the importance of love, care, compassion, and empathy

- The boy didn’t have much love growing up, everyone seemed to think he was such a cursed child, that he never should’ve been born in the first place

- Maybe that was why he was so suspicious of you. Why did you care about him so much?

- He’ll never admit it, but he really does like your hugs :)

- Makino and you taught this rude boy some manners (yes that’s how we got to the lovable fire boy we now know today)

- He totally, 100%, didn’t call you “mom” once :)

- “Hey mom. Luffy ate all the snacks again! Now he won’t stop crying about how we don’t have anymore!”

- “… I’m your mom now?”

- …

- ace = 💥😳

- Man exploded, his entire body turned bright fucking red 😭

- “I SAID Y/N! Are you deaf?!”

- “do you have memory loss?! I heard you call me mom!”

- “No I didn’t!”

- “YES YOU DID!”

- he did it again about a couple days later lmao

Older au

- oh these boys still love you!

- ace now tackles you whenever he gets the chance to visit you or see you

- you never thought the day would come that he’d willingly give you a hug lmao

- Sabo loves telling you all about his adventures in the revolutionary army!

- he vents to you about how Koala always keeps him out of trouble (koala is amazing 😭)

- Luffy rants on and on about his new nakama!

- He loves them so much, and it’s so adorable whenever he starts talking about how funny and awesome they are 🥺

- “Oh yeah! And our cook, Sanji. His food is THE BEST! And then Zoro! He can never find out where he’s going, but he wields THREE swords. THREE! Then Brook, he’s a skeleton. And he’s dead shishishi—!”

- (man I’m about to cry 🥺💜)

- With ace, it’s more of him just suffocating you with warm hugs, it’s mostly silent catching up y’a know?

- These three are proud to call you their sister, after all

- You were the one that helped them get to where they are now, they couldn’t even imagine what life would’ve been like without you with them along the way 💜

a/n - oh I love these precious boys 😭

#one piece #one piece hcs #anime hcs #strawhat luffy #luffy #monkey d. luffy #luffy one piece #luffy headcanons #sabo the revolutionary #sabo headcanons #sabo one piece #fire fist ace #ace headcanons #ace one piece #portgas d. ace

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toomuchracket · 11 months

Note

more dad!matty for you for whenever you feel like it. I'm thinking about a very tiny, very smart 3 year old whos a carbon copy of her dad and one day after you finish work in the study, you go up to her room to find her holding an audience with all her stuffed toys. You stand behind the door and watch for a bit and baba's none the wiser because she's so engrossed. After a bit you realise what's happening, she's copying her dad. You've taken her to a few of his interviews before to show her the bts and also because she loves hanging out with her dad and her uncles. so now she's basically just imitating everything she's seen.

And you FT matty instantly, because maybe he's on tour at that point idk, and you shush him first and tell him to stay quiet while you point the camera at your daughter. and he absolutely cannot fucking handle the cuteness and he's trying so hard not to coo and squeal through the phone at her. and she's just babbling away to her toys and at one point she says a big word that none of you recognises and then she says it again at which point you clock that it's her trying to say "juxtaposition" but she's 3 and doesn't entirely know how to say it yet so you quietly tell matty what's happening and that's the point he loses it. and he's like "oh my precious girl, who's my smartest girl in the world. you are!!"

Baba obviously hears him and she comes running to you because she thinks her dad is home and he's just there through the phone like "can you say that for me again? can you say that word again?" 😭

baba 2, literally a matty clone!! you've picked her up from her half-day at nursery after WFH in the morning, and after you've both had a little bit of lunch you get her settled in her room with all her toys and a fruit shoot drink, before you head back to the study to just have a final glance over the legal report you finished earlier. and you go back up after maybe 30/45 mins to get her ready for a little walk before you both pick up her big sister from school, and as you reach the landing you can hear her chatting away to herself happily through the open door - when you get closer, you're able to pick out familiar words and phrases amidst the three-year-old rapid fire speech pattern, like "write a song about" and "wanted it to sound like", and you start smiling because you know what - or rather who - she's imitating. when you get closer and you can see her, you have to try so hard not to giggle; she's sat on her bed, talking to the teddy at the other end, with her protective headphones for shows on one ear and holding one of the microphones that plugs into your old xbox for singstar lmao, clearly doing an impression of matty from the radio interview he did last week that you all attended with him.

he and the guys are in new york for a couple of days, just finalising production on a new EP they're putting out in a few months, and it's maybe 9am for him so you figure he'll answer a facetime call - you duck into your bedroom quickly so baba doesn't hear, but you can still see her across the hall, and call matty. he picks up immediately like "hi sweetheart!", and you're like "hi my darling, just wanted to show you something, but you need to keep quiet!" and you dash back across the landing and flip the camera so he can see your daughter, still doing her interview bit. matty beams anyway at the sight of his littlest girl, his smile growing even more when he clocks what she's doing and saying; he actually has to clap a hand over his mouth to stop from cooing at how adorable she is, or cackling when she makes a confused facial expression that's just so him. and she goes a little bit quieter when she tries to say juxtaposition, because she's a little bit unsure of the pronunciation, and matty's like "what's she saying?" - you listen again and flip the camera around, grinning, like "juxtaposition", and matty cannot stop himself laughing a proper, full-belly laugh and going "oh, my baby!", so naturally seconds later your daughter appears in the doorway like "daddy?", headphones still half-on and her little face just lit up. you scoop her up so she can see matty, who's making little kissy noises and being like "were you pretending to be me? my clever girl, i am so proud of you, using all those big words! can you say juxtaposition for me again, precious girl?" - she nods and then says it like "just-a-position", and you and matty both cheer (because that's good for when you're literally three!!) while she snuggles into your neck giggling. and then she's like "miss you, daddy. home soon?", and matty does a sad little pout like "i miss you too baby, miss all of my girls. but i'll get home tomorrow night while you're asleep, so i'll see you in two mornings, alright?"; she nods again and then perks up to ask "will you have presents?", which makes you and matty laugh, and he's like "tell you what, i'll call you back once you and mummy have picked up your sister, and you can tell me what you want me to bring back from america. yeah?" and your daughter's like "deal" lmao <3

#mads answers asks #matty asks #fluff asks #dad!matty #moots <3

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joelsgreys · 2 years

Text

Hero (Steve Rogers x NYPDFemale!Reader)

A/N: Hellooo. So this is what happens when you're sick and locked in your bedroom watching nothing but episodes of Law & Order SVU. It is also what happens when you're in love with Olivia Benson, I have a massive crush on her character and she inspired this one. Not sure if anyone will like the idea, but I really enjoyed writing it a lot more than I thought and that's what matters right? Hopefully someone out there does like it though lmao. Thanks for stopping by! x

Summary: AU(ish?) As an NYPD Sergeant, your relationship with Captain America himself, Steve Rogers, is a far bigger challenge than any case that you’ve ever handled before. Steve feels the constant need to look out for your safety and is always getting himself mixed up with your job. One night, you make Steve promise you that he won’t go interfering with your case, but then things take a dangerous turn for the worst.

Pairing(s): Steve Rogers x NYPDFemale!Reader

Warning(s): Language, use of guns, hostage situation involving children, angst, mentions of death/dying, very overprotective!Steve. Lil bits of fluff strewn in here and there. Long one shot type of deal.

Length: 5298 words

“Finally,” Steve mumbled into your hair, wrapping his arm tightly around your shoulders as you curled up beside him on the couch. He pulled you as close as physically possible, but took care so as not to spill the bowl of microwave popcorn he had put in his lap for the both of you to enjoy for your movie night. “A real night off for the both of us.”

You sighed out of pure content, leaning further into him to snuggle against his broad, muscular chest—your absolute favorite place to be was in his arms. You’d been looking forward to a night like this with Steve for at least a couple of weeks now, if not longer than that due to your busy schedules. “Tell me about it, Cap. How long has it been since we both had the same night off together?”

“Too damn long.” He gave your shoulders a gentle, but firm squeeze. With his other hand, he reached over for the television remote and held it up. “What are you in the mood to watch tonight? And make sure it’s not a movie that you actually want to get invested in because you know damn well that we’re not going to make it through the whole thing.” He nodded over towards the bedroom and then looked at you with a small smirk. “I can probably behave myself for about half an hour, but I can’t make any promises after that.”

You laughed a little before reaching down and dipping your hand into the ceramic bowl of popcorn. You gave him a flirty look and popped a couple of pieces into your mouth. “Hmm. Is that why you strategically put the bowl of popcorn right on your crotch?”

“For easy access. If you catch my drift,” Steve joked, raising his eyebrows suggestively at you.

You snorted, nudging him in his side. “Just pick the movie, Rogers. And at least let me watch part of it before we get down to business in the bedroom, alright?”

“Deal.”

Steve spent a few minutes surfing your shared Netflix account and had just chosen an older, thriller film for you two to watch when your iPhone started ringing loudly beside you on the couch. You picked it up and inwardly groaned seeing the number on the screen. “Fuck,” You muttered before answering the call, greeting the caller with your last name and nothing else.

“Hey Sergeant, we’ve got ourselves a hostage situation here in lower Manhattan, building right on the of corner of East 79th street,” Your longtime work partner and colleague, Detective Benjamin Chambers alerted you from the other end of the line. You could hear all of the hustle and bustle going on in the background, including the sound of wailing first responder sirens arriving on the scene. “Armed male suspect just barricaded himself into an apartment with two girls, sisters. Looks like the teenager was looking after the little one while the parents were out, we’re trying to get in contact with them now.” He paused. “It’s been an hour. The guy isn’t budging, Sarge. You’re one of the best, you do a way better job at talking guys like him down better than any damn negotiator can. We really need you here.”

“I’m on my way now,” You told him, hanging up the call before you tore yourself out of Steve’s arms and jumped up to your feet. You gave him an apologetic look. “I’m really sorry, but that was Chambers. I have to go.”

“What’s going on?” Steve watched as you darted into the bedroom, emerging about a minute and a half later after having changed out of your sweatpants and into a pair of tight, black jeans. You pulled a navy blue knitted sweater on over your white tank top and then slipped on your black leather ankle boots before reaching for your coat, badge, and your gun. His handsome face fell. “Are you serious, you’re really going to work right now? It’s your first night off in two weeks! What, the NYPD can’t survive for one night without you?”

“I know, Cap. I’m so sorry that I have to bail, but there’s a hostage situation going on in lower Manhattan. Guy’s locked himself in a building with two little girls and he’s got a gun, no one has been able to talk him down in the last hour.” You quickly shrugged into your coat and then grabbed your car keys from the small table near the front door. “He’s not cooperating and they need me to help. The clock is ticking, Steve.”

“Hostage?” He repeated, giving you that look.

“Steve. Don’t,” You warned him lightly, your hand on the doorknob. “I can handle this.”

That was the difficult thing about dating Captain America. He was far too overprotective for his own good, always acting as if you weren’t capable of handling the criminals that you dealt with on a daily basis in your line of work. The fact that you had been doing this for so long and had over ten years of experience under your belt as a seasoned police officer and detective, nor the fact that you had just climbed up the ranks and had become a Sergeant for your department, none of that seemed to really matter to Steve. He saw you as some sort of fragile little bird that needed to be kept safely in her cage and out of harm’s way at all times. But he very well knew that he couldn’t actually keep you caged up or prevent you from doing your job, so he did the next best thing.

He followed you and kept an eye on you.

You had caught Steve on several occasions poking his nose into your business with the NYPD, and in some instances, he’d actually jumped into action on your cases, blowing them up and causing everything to spiral out of your control and out of the control of your department. His habit of interfering with your work had often been the source of some terrible arguments between the both of you and it had put a serious strain on your relationship recently.

You were tired of him acting as if you couldn’t take care of yourself.

“I just don’t want you getting hurt,” he muttered, averting his gaze from yours.

“Steve, I’m a big girl and I think that by now I have proven to you that I can handle myself,” You told him, opening the front door. “Please. Let’s not do this tonight. Just stay here, enjoy your night off, and I promise that I will call you as soon as the situation is taken care of. Call up Nat, maybe she can come hang out with you, distract you for a little bit,” You suggested. You always liked Natasha, she could always talk some sense into Steve when you couldn’t.

“Alright, alright. Fine. I’ll stay here. But just give me a call as soon as you can, okay? For the sake of my peace of mind?”

“I will.” You raised a knowing eyebrow at him. “Promise me that you won’t show up to the scene tonight?”

Steve hesitated. He wasn’t the type of man to make promises that he wasn’t sure he could really keep, at least not when it came to making promises to the woman he loved.

“Steve. Promise me, please,” You pleaded him.

“Okay, fine. I promise you.” He held his hands up. “I promise that I’ll stay put tonight and let you handle this.”

You sighed in relief. “Thank you. I’ll call you later.”

You bolted out of your apartment and within the next fifteen minutes or so, you had driven out and arrived on the scene. You quickly parked your sleek, black car behind an officer’s patrol vehicle and climbed out. You hung your badge around your neck and jogged up towards the apartment complex, which was currently surrounded by yellow, police do not cross tape to keep anyone who wasn’t authorized from accessing the building. You flashed your badge at a guarding female police officer before ducking underneath the caution tape.

“Sarge! Over here!” Detective Chambers came running up to you. He already had your bulletproof vest in his hands.

“Talk to me, Chambers. What do we got?” You asked as you removed your coat, tossing it aside on the ground. You allowed him to help you into your vest, quickly buckling it securely around your upper body.

“Forty-five year old male, homicide suspect who fled the scene after stabbing a nineteen year old girl to death in Central Park earlier this evening. He’s been on the run from law enforcement after witnesses identified him and placed him at the scene where the girl's body was found. He ran into this building and barricaded himself into an apartment with two girls. He’s armed,” he informed you as the two of you made your way into the building and up the stairs towards the apartment. “Teenager’s name is Sarah, she’s sixteen. She was babysitting her sister, Lily, who is seven years old. The girls are absolutely terrified, Sarge. We brought up the negotiators, but the man is one stubborn son of a bitch and we haven’t been able to get through to him. Police snipers are on the roof across the street, but—”

“We don’t want either one of the girls to accidentally get caught in the crossfire,” You finished for him. “Where are the parents?”

“Someone finally got a hold of them, they’re on their the way.”

“Well, let’s hope by the time they get here, their daughters are out of that apartment.”

“Sergeant.” Your Lieutenant, Robert Lewis, came up to you. “Sorry to have to call you to work on your one night off. But you’re the only one fit to handle this situation.” He paused, lowering his voice slightly as he said to you, “I trust that there won’t be any trouble from that superhero boyfriend of yours, tonight. The one who likes to show up and cause an even bigger ruckus than necessary.”

“He won’t, Lieutenant.” You assured him, confidently. “What’s this man’s name?”

“Charles William Baker. Chambers filled you in on the rest?” He asked you, escorting you past the SWAT team officers that were crowding the entire hallway, at the ready with their gear and weapons in hand. You nodded and he stopped, gesturing towards the locked door. “Great, then we’ll let you go ahead and take it away. You know what to do.”

You knocked loudly on the door. “Charles Baker?”

“Go away!” A loud voice boomed from the other side. “I already told your little friends that I ain’t comin’ out!”

Your Lieutenant cleared his throat from behind you. “Charles, we have one of our best Sergeants in the NYPD here. She wants to talk to you and try to help you out of this sticky situation that you’re currently in. She can help you out, if you let her.”

You introduced yourself with both your first and last name, then added, “He’s right. I’m here to help you, all of you. I know you have two girls in there with you. Can you tell me if anyone’s been hurt at all?”

“They’re fine!” He grumbled from the other side of the door. “Haven’t touched ‘em.”

“And I believe you, Charles. I really do. But these other guys, they have to hear it from the girls, just to be sure. Do you think you can have them tell us their names and state if they’re okay?” You asked, pressing your ear against the door.

There was another low grumble from the other end followed by a momentary pause. Then, you heard them.

“My name is Sarah and I’m okay!” A young girl’s voice called shakily.

“My name is Lily, I’m okay too!” An even younger girl squeaked, sounding frightened. “But I really want my mommy and daddy!”

You sighed in relief hearing their voices. They sounded shaken, but unharmed. “I know you do, sweetheart. They’re on their way, your mommy and daddy will be here very soon.” You paused, putting your hand on the doorknob lightly. “Okay, Charles. Thank you for doing that for us. Now, can you please let me in so that I can talk to you?”

“You fuckin’ kidding me? You think I’m gonna open this door so that the second I do, the whole SWAT team comes runnin’ in here to blow my head off? I ain’t that stupid!” He shouted.

“No, no! They’re all standing down right now. And it’ll just be me who comes into the apartment, I promise,” You called through the door. “I want to help Sarah and Lily. And I want to help you too, Charles. Can you please just let me inside so that we can talk face to face? See if we can work something out?”

He hesitated for a long minute. “Fine! We can talk. I’ll let you inside, but only you! And I want you to come in without your gun! He paused before adding, “And without your vest. That’s my deal! Take it or leave it.”

Chambers shook his head, hissing to you, “Nope! Absolutely fucking not, Sarge. That’s way too dangerous. It’s too risky. And besides, if Steve finds out that I let you go into that apartment without your vest, he’ll fucking kill me.”

He wasn’t completely wrong about that.

Steve already had a distaste for your partner for reasons you weren’t quite sure of. But he already didn’t like the guy. Chambers would only go even higher up his shit list if he knew that he let you go into a hostage situation without your bulletproof vest on.

Lieutenant Lewis stepped forward. “We could possibly catch him off guard and storm in as soon as he opens the door.”

“No!” You whispered sharply. “It already sounds like he might trust me and I need him to keep on trusting me until we can get Sarah and Lily out of there safely. Besides, you know as well as I do that if we ambush him without knowing exactly where he has the girls in the apartment, they could end up getting hurt or worse, killed. If this is the only way he’ll talk to me, then I have no choice but to do it.” You took your gun out of its holster and handed it to him. You then slipped off your protective vest and handed it to Chambers, who had gone as pale as ghost. You gestured for them to step back, and once they did, you knocked on the door again. “Okay, Charles. I’m ready to come in. It’s just me, with no vest and no gun. Can you let me in?”

Jesus Christ, if Steve only knew what you were about to do...

He would probably never forgive you.

The door opened ever so slightly, and you could see an older, dark haired man through the crack. He was tall and on the slender side, but still had a tough, rugged look about him. His white polo shirt was covered in dried blood and he held a grammar-school aged girl with bright red hair at his side, the barrel of his gun pressed into her back. “Get in here, now. Anyone tries anything and the girl dies.” He stood back far enough to let you into the apartment. He instructed you to close the door, lock it, and put your hands in the air. He then shoved the little girl towards an older redhead who was sitting on the floor before he ordered you to stand facing the wall. He quickly patted your body down to make sure you weren’t concealing a firearm and then turned you around, pointing his pistol directly at your head. He let his eyes glaze over you slowly. “Well, aren’t you just a pretty thing. One wrong move from you and I put a bullet in your brain, sweetheart. Understood?”

“Understood,” You confirmed, keeping your hands up. “Nobody has to get hurt here.” You looked at the two sisters, giving them the best calm, reassuring look that you could possibly muster for them. Their faces were bright red, streaked with terrified tears. You remembered they had been in this situation for over an hour now, and your heart sank for them. “Hi Sarah. Hi Lily. My name is Sergeant Y/L/N and I’m a police officer. No matter what, I need for the two of you to stay calm, okay?” The girls nodded and you turned your attention back over to the suspect. “Hey, how about we let them go? There’s no need for them to be here, Charles. We should just let them go.”

“You’ve got some kinda nerve!” He growled, walking up to you and pressing the barrel of his gun against your chest. “Comin’ in here thinkin’ you can tell me what to do! In case you haven’t noticed, I’m the one with the gun in my hand! I’m in charge here!”

“Charles, I’m here because I want to help you. If you don’t let these innocent little girls go, my guys outside will burst in here and they will take you down. You won’t make it out of here alive.” You paused as the image of Steve’s face popped into your mind. You knew if he saw what was happening, if he saw this man pressing a gun into your chest, he would tear this man to shreds with his bare hands and then he definitely wouldn’t make it out of here alive. “Please, they’re children. Just let them go. You can keep the gun on me, I will make sure my men continue to stand down and then you and I can talk about what’s going on. Do you think we can do that?”

Charles looked at the two girls for a moment. He rolled his eyes and gestured for them to stand up off the floor. “Fine. Get ‘em out of here, I was sick and tired of all their cryin’ anyway. But any funny business from you or those guys out there and it’s lights out for you, got it?”

You nodded. You gathered the two sisters and escorted them towards the door, all the while, there was a gun pressed into your back, the barrel of it poking you directly between your shoulder blades. “Hey guys, he is letting Sarah and Lily go now!” You called out to your fellow officers, being sure to follow the proper procedure so nobody on the other side would make a wrong move and possibly cost you your life. “He has his gun on me, but I am okay! Please stand down! The girls are coming out now!”

Charles unlocked the door and the girls sobbed in relief as they scrambled out to safety. He quickly shut the door behind them, locking it once again before he grabbed you by the arm and shoved you harshly down onto the floor, your body landing on it with a loud thud. “So what exactly do you wanna talk about, sweetheart?” He asked, waving the weapon back and forth in the air as you turned so you were lying on your back. “Come on! You said you wanted to talk to me, so talk! What, do you think you can help fix me? Help me see the error of my ways? Convince me to let you cuff me and take me to jail?”

“It doesn’t have to be like this,” You tell him, speaking carefully. “We can both walk out of this building alive. But you need to cooperate with me and my men.”

He scoffed. “Who said I wanna make it out alive, dollface?”

“You don’t want to die, Charles. Not like this. Not being taken out by gunfire from an entire SWAT team. If you just listen to me and do as I say, you can make it out of here alive and in one piece. Okay?”

“Why? So that you can just throw my ass in a cell for life for killing that girl at the park?”

“At least you won’t be dead,” You attempt to reason with him. “Do anything to me and my guys will barge in here and you’ll be gone before your body even hits the floor. Is that really what you want? Is that really how you want to go out?”

He laughed, shaking his head. “Listen here princess, being dead is a hell of a lot better than bein’ locked up in some cage for the rest of my fuckin’ life.” He aimed his gun at your forehead. “And since I’m goin’ down, might as well take a pretty little thing like you with me.”

Your heart slammed painfully against your ribcage and you braced yourself for the possibility of not being able to talk this criminal down. If he really would rather be dead than go to prison, you were screwed. “You really don’t want to do this, okay? I know that you don’t.”

Charles placed his finger on the trigger. “Bet you thought you’d come in here and be some big hero for saving those little girls and arrestin’ me for muder,” he taunted you, taking a step closer to you. “I’m gonna die tonight. And so are you.” He chuckled, any shred of his humanity completely gone. “Ladies first, sweetheart. I insist.”

You swallowed dryly, closing your eyes as you waited for the inevitable.

Suddenly, there was a loud crashing noise that came through the window and you lifted your arm, shielding your face from the sharp little pieces of glass that went flying all over the apartment. Lowering your arm, your eyes snapped open and that’s when you saw him, Captain America, standing right in front of you and blocking you from the suspect and his weapon, which had gone off the moment that he had crashed in through the window. The bullet had ricocheted off of his shield, and before the other man could make any moves, the Avenger had sent him flying across the room with one single punch, nearly knocking him completely unconscious. He stepped towards the groaning criminal, his large fists curled and ready to beat the remaining daylights out of the bastard for having threatened your life. However, he didn’t get the chance to because in that moment, SWAT burst through the door, shouting for everyone to get down on the ground.

Steve remained on his feet and held a hand up, stopping them in their tracks. “Stand down!” He commanded them. “Stand down! I’m on the job!”

Chambers and Lewis ran into the apartment and looked at you, a mix of confusion and relief on their faces.

“Sarge! You alright?” Chambers went over to help you up from the floor.

Steve immediately stood in his way. “I got her,” he barked, giving him a furious look. He nodded over to the now unconscious man. “Get his ass out of here. Make sure he gets put away for the rest of his natural born life.”

Not wanting to test the waters, Chambers backed off and simply nodded. “You got it, Captain.”

Steve reached down, took your hand and helped you to your feet. He kept an arm around your waist as he helped you downstairs and out of the building into a waiting ambulance. He lifted you up and sat you on a gurney in the back of the rig as a young paramedic checked you over right there at the scene so that you could avoid going to the hospital. Besides a few minor cuts here and there from the shattered window glass, you had remained relatively unscathed.

“I’m fine,” You mumbled, stubbornly.

“Protocol,” Steve muttered, looking as pissed as he’d ever been.

"I know, Captain," You replied, sourly.

Once the paramedic finished his assessment, Steve asked if he was free to take you home. The first responder gave him the okay and Steve reached for you, helping you out of the rig despite the fact that you weren’t hurt and could do it yourself. Not wanting to cause a commotion with Steve there at the scene, you say nothing as you let him pick you up in his arms and carry you over to the car.

“Sergeant!” A small voice yelled behind him. It was the little girl, Lily. Behind her was her sister, Sarah, and who you could only assume were the girls’ parents. She looked at you being carried in Captain America’s arms and her big green eyes went wide. “Did the bad man hurt you?”

“No, I promise he didn’t,” You assured her, mustering a small smile. “I’m fine.”

“The girls told us what you did. That you got him to let them go,” Their mother said, tears of joy streaming down her face. “Thanks to you, they didn’t get hurt.”

Her husband nodded. “We just wanted to thank you for your bravery, Sergeant. You risked your life for our two daughters, and we can’t thank you enough.”

Steve’s lips tightened into a thin line. He cleared his throat. “With all due respect, folks. I really should get her home.”

You uttered a quick goodbye to the family before Steve whirled around and put you into the passenger’s seat of your car. The incredibly tense silence between the two of you wasn’t broken until the minute that he carried you up to your apartment and set you down.

“You promised me, Steve,” You said, your voice thick as he slammed the front door shut behind you.

“And if I had kept that promise, you would be dead right now,” he replied rigidly. “So I think it’s safe to say that it’s a damn good thing I didn’t keep it.”

“I had it handled!” You snapped at him.

“Yeah, lying there helplessly on the floor while he had a gun pointed right at your head, I could see that you definitely had everything under control, Sergeant.” He walked up to you, anger flashing in his blue eyes. “What’s the matter with you? Going in there with no vest and no gun? Putting yourself in that situation was so stupid, what the hell were you thinking?” He hissed. “And you had better tell your dumbass partner to stay far away from me because the fact that he let you go in there—”

You cut him off. “It wasn’t his call, it was mine! I chose to go in there without my gun and vest because it was the only way he’d let me inside! I had to do it or he never would have let those girls go!”

“You risked your neck!” Steve shouted at you, his booming voice echoing off the walls of the small apartment. “That man had absolutely nothing to lose, he wanted to die. He was going to fucking kill you and then let NYPD take him out! He knew exactly what he was doing by letting you into that building!”

“You can’t keep doing this, Steve! You can’t keep interfering with my job!” Your heart squeezed painfully as raised your voice back at him. You were sick of having these fights with him. You loved Steve more than anything in the world and you just wanted these damn arguments to stop. “I don’t interfere with yours!”

“Of course you don’t! That’s because I’m—” Steve stopped, clamping his mouth shut. He didn’t want to go there.

You crossed your arms over your chest and looked up at him, expectantly. “Because you’re what? Faster than me? Bigger than me? Stronger than me? Smarter than me?” You listed off for him. “Because you’re an Avenger?”

Steve sighed and didn’t say anything as he tore his eyes away from yours.

“Look, I might not be a superhero like you are. I might not be an Avenger. I don’t have a special superhuman power or gift. But that doesn’t mean that you’re any better than me,” You said, your voice wavering slightly. “Even an ordinary human being like me can help people in need too.”

He frowned, shaking his head. “You know damn well that I don’t think that I’m better than you, I never have and never will.”

“Then stop treating me like I can’t handle shit!”

Steve looked away from you again, briefly hesitating. He truly was the rock in your relationship, he always kept himself strong and he normally wasn’t the type to be overly emotional with you because he didn’t want to show his weak side when it came to you. But as he spoke, he forced himself to meet your gaze and his voice actually trembled as his eyes met yours. “If something ever happens to you, like it almost did tonight, I’ll lose my fucking mind. Do you not understand that?”

Your expression instantly softened. “Steve…”

“I’ve lost people before, people that I care about. And it was hard. But if I ever lost you?” He shook his head again at the thought, a strand of his perfect, dark blonde hair falling into his face. “I really don’t know what the hell I would do. I wouldn’t be able to survive that. I would never be able to survive losing you.”

You weren’t stupid. Of course you’d known that Steve loved you and that he worried for your safety while you were on the job, but he had never before expressed his fears like this to you before. You reached up, gently touching his cheek. “Well, seeing as you’re always looking out for me, I don’t think that’s ever going to happen, Cap.”

“I know you hate it when I follow you and keep an eye on you. It’s not because I don’t trust you. It’s other people I don’t trust.” Steve placed his hand over yours as you cradled his cheek. “I know you’re capable of handling yourself and I know that you’re damn good at what you do. You saved those two little girls from getting hurt, or possibly worse. You’re a hero for that. But you can’t blame me for worrying sick about you when shit hits the fan, like it did tonight.”

“Steve, I understand how you feel. You don’t think I worry about you when you go off on your missions? Of course I do. Avenger or not, I worry sick about you too when you’re working. But I don’t stand or get in your way because I know that people need you. And I wish you could see that people need me too.”

Steve leaned down and kissed your forehead. “I know they do.” He sighed softly against your skin. “Look, I’m really sorry for getting so mad at you tonight. I didn’t mean to get so upset and I definitely didn’t mean to raise my voice at you. And I can’t promise that I will completely stop interfering from now on, especially after what happened earlier, but what I can promise you is that I’ll at least try not to interfere.”

You dropped your hand from his cheek and put it on his chest. “That’s all I can ask for, Steve. And I’m sorry for raising my voice at you too. I know you only do what you do because you don’t want anything to happen to me.”

Steve wrapped his arms around you, pulling you closer against him. He tilted his head down, pressing his mouth to yours in a slow, lingering kiss. He pulled away slightly, his mouth still hovering over yours as he tucked a loose lock of hair behind your ear. “It’s not too late. What do you say we clean ourselves up and resume our movie night, Sergeant?”

You smiled softly against his lips. “Sounds like a plan to me, Captain.”

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