#lmdlmd fic

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Abridged epilogue of LMDLMD

[spoilers of the fic below]

For the love of God, do not imagine Gaius watching the boy he considered his son writhe and scream in front of him, unable to do anything. Don't imagine him holding back his puke and tears for Merlin's sake as he cleaned the wounds he saw often in battle soldiers on his boy. Don't imagine him struggling to enter his chambers and still making meals for two knowing his ward was right under his feet, suffering. Don't imagine Gaius sneaking into the cave under the dungeons, ignoring the cell Merlin used to be in, and meeting The Great Dragon only to scream at him about Merlin's death then break down into tears. 

Don't imagine Kilgharrah roaring in anger only to spend his years in mourning until Gaius requested Arthur to free him. Don't imagine Kilgharrah flying to Balinor and telling him stories about the son he never met. His son who died. Don't imagine Balinor going back to Hunith and supporting her as she mourned Merlin, listening to all the stories she told him of their cheeky and bright-eyed son. Don't imagine Lancelot hearing the news from Gwen's letter and going back to Camelot in disbelief, only to find that it was true. Don't imagine Lancelot drinking himself to sleep after his knighting, knowing he couldn't have been there without Merlin.

Do not imagine Gwen watching her best friend scream about wanting to be human. Do not imagine her picturing all the times he had made her laugh, saved her life and helped her court Arthur. Do not imagine her sneaking into Merlin's room to sleep there, remembering when he had offered it to her once before when her father died. Do not imagine her kneeling with tears when the crown was set on her head, wishing more than anything that he was there.

Whatever you do, do not imagine Morgana watching Merlin be collared and chained and tortured knowing it could have been her. Don't imagine her feeling guilty for her fear when Merlin was living the nightmare. Don't imagine her running to Arthur's room at night, terrified. Don't imagine her waking up with real nightmares along with Seer visions every night. Don't imagine her reading the annotations in Merlin's book of magic and sobbing as she remembered her boisterous friend. Don't imagine her accidentally killing Morgause when she talked about killing Arthur. Don't imagine her sobbing into her brother's arms, with the knowledge she had killed her sister.

Please, just don't imagine Arthur just watching and not being able to make a single noise lest he hurt Merlin more. Don't imagine him watching as he licked the water off the floor while he couldn't do anything with four guards on him. Don't imagine Arthur feeling worthless as Merlin screamed in pain at his voice. Don't imagine him crying as Merlin was forced to admit he wasn’t human. Don't imagine him shaking with anger, pain, humiliation and sadness on Merlin's behalf as Merlin was forced to apologize to him and call him by his title. Don't imagine Arthur yelling and firing his next servant when he called him by his title. Don't imagine him waking up from a nightmare full of Merlin's screams, pleading and admittances of him being a monster. Don't imagine him seeing blood anywhere for the next few months and only seeing Merlin's. Don't imagine him sobbing in front of the butterfly Merlin subconsciously bonded to stay with him. Don't imagine him breaking himself apart when the butterfly left his sight for even a minute.

Do imagine Balinor and Hunith marrying and living peacefully and without fear, in remembrance of Merlin for the rest of their lives until they got to meet him again. 

Do imagine a strange force compelling Gwaine to travel to the Perilous Lands. Do imagine Percival taking the risk to befriend a depressed Lancelot and lifting his spirits. Do imagine Elyan feeling the bizzare need to visit his sister. Do imagine a strange, magical force bringing them to meet Arthur and Leon at a Round Table in an abandoned castle. 

Do imagine Morgana and Arthur looking away when an assassin from Harden kills Uther on Alisa's behalf. 

Do imagine Arthur taking the crown after telling the people about how the previous rulers of Harden had poisoned Uther’s mind into torturing a boy. Do imagine Gwen building a school to teach magic safely. Do imagine Morgana going on frequent diplomatic missions to Harden as Court Sorceress in making sure all magic-restraining weapons are destroyed. Do imagine Gaius taking on a young boy under the name of Daegal to pass on his physician legacy and spewing endless stories about another apprentice he once had named Merlin. Do imagine Morgana finding Mordred again and taking him under her wing as a sorceress's apprentice. Do imagine Mordred learning a spell and creating a portrait of Merlin to the exact liking. Do imagine Arthur and Gwen raising their child on stories about a brave friend they had named Merlin.

Do imagine Arthur staring down at his people, magic-users and non magic-users alike, with Merlin's voice of him being a great king ringing in his head, trusting in his friend's words and knowing it to be true.

Do imagine, one day, an old woman handing Arthur the horn of Cathbhadh.

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Also. Favorite Merlin fic you've written and fics you wish you could find more of? 👐

XDDDD

I know you're either gonna be crying or laughing at this one joan, bc my favorite Merlin fic that I've written is Let Me Die, Let Me Drown, Lay My Bones In The Ground.

It's unpublished rn, but I'm hoping to post it soon! I worked so so hard on it. Not kidding. I worked harder on it than I did with my Let Them Be Brothers series. I had three people go through this fic and beta certain parts of it. So I had three people beta this fic. I wanted to test my limits and I really did go and test my angst and torture limits with this fic and, now, I've found that those aren't my limits and I can actually write worse and now I'm excited to see just how worse I can go in breaking characters. I read the fic over and over and over again so many times that I've become desensitized to the angst and pain. I've searched through Pinterest writing tips, reddit writing tips, tumble writing tips and tips from my own notes to write this. I mean, I still feel like I can improve the last scene a little more but I'm taking a break from writing rn so we'll see.

Anyway, that's my favorite fic. It's nearly 40k and its a oneshot bc I found that splitting it into chapters messed with the narrative flow. Also, thanks again joan for continuing to beta it <333 ^^

Now... fics i wish I can find more of... hmm...

Well, generally, I wish I can find more gen Merlin fics 😅. The fandom is mostly merthur or other ships and I can't and won't read ships (except the ones that I've found to be safe). So yeah, I just wish I can find more gen Merlin fics. Or no slash ones.

But other than that, I would love to have fics where Merlin is in a defenseless position (like a slave, or captured by bandits, or restrained in some way physically or mentally), and not completely passive but not completely defiant and aggressive too. Just the bolder and more defiant bits being small or a touch above noticeable, but he's still very much restrained physically or mentally. And Arthur (either he knows Merlin or this is his first meeting) sees him and notices how compliant he is but also notices how he isn't completely compliant and is impressed by him, but also anguished for him and angry and protective too :))

OH! I also like fics where Merlin is in a position of power or authority (whether he likes it or not) and Arthur is gaping at him in surprise or pity or awe (and a sometimes, just sometimes, a touch of jealousy).

i would also LOVE to see more freya or freylin fics

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Not-Yet-Written Fic Game

Tagged by @chemical-processes!! Thank you so much for tagging meeee. Especially in writer games, i love them <3

Post about some of the fics you plan on writing

I'm gonna do both batfam and Merlin for this one. You can put down any number of wips. I have so many, but I think I'll choose 10 😅 Feel free to ask about any of them!!! I'd love that ^^

No pressure tags: @sardonic-sprite @igotthisaccountunderduress @pericreatesstuff @foursixtwonineoh-pieces-of-lego @foineswoine-writing

@uncertainwallflower @cygnusdoesthings @blightwritesfic @wakkoroni

A Dance Across the Stream [BBC Merlin]

A slave!Arthur fic where I really pump up the angst. Arthur has been a slave for so long that people are starting to lose hope that he's even alive. His slavers decide to auction him since his past status, health and general looks will get them a pretty penny. He's collared by magic that hurts him if he doesn't listen to his masters' orders. As he stares down blankly at the faces and hands rising eagerly to buy a slaved prince, he hears a voice-

"Twelve hundred and thirty gold pieces!"

For the first time in months, Arthur dares to raise his head. Because he knows that voice. Has heard it incessantly rabbiting on, talking his ear off several times a day before his capture.

But it can't be him. It can't be Merlin. Because the bid for him was only open to sorcerers. And Merlin can't be a sorcerer.

2. Let Me Die, Let Me Drown, Lay My Bones In the Ground [BBC Merlin]

(I'm cheating a little bit cuz this is actually written but) My first fic where I really unleash my angst weapons. I wanted to test my limits. And I did.

The storm that had passed through Albion didn't only bring devestation, it brought a party belonging to the king, queen and princess of a distant land on the edge of Albion's maps. As per propriety and courtesy, Camelot was required to hold a feast and provide accommodation for them. The feast started off smoothly, the royals of Camelot getting along quite well with the royals from Harden.

But a single questioned changed everything. Including the destiny of Arthur and Merlin.

"What are your stances on magic?" Uther asked.

3. Doesn't have a name yet, but the wip doc is named 'My Limits Tested Through Merlin' [BBC Merlin]

While writing LMDLMD (the above fic), I discovered that the angst I put in there was not actually my full limit. I could push further. I could write worse. So I started this multichap wip. And it's going splendidly. Honestly, this fic is such a good jar to add my inner demons to. And I decided to work in some foreshadowing, juxtaposition, symbolism and all that lovely fun literary devices stuff because I found that I actually enjoy that process. So this might just be my best mutlichap fic yet!

Summary: That the kingdom they traveled to was peaceful was a lie. That the king was a good and fair man was also a lie. That Merlin, Arthur, and the Knights of the Round Table would be safe was the biggest lie of all. 

As Merlin scrubs the floor beneath the king's feet, despite the pains and bruises on his body, he wonders if escape will also be a lie. 

4. Empire For Two [BBC Merlin]

Part two of a two-part series. I've finished writing the outline and currently it's standing at 50 chapters, but as it gets written it might increase. Since it's MASSIVE and too much for me to take on alone, my lovely fwens Joan (@tireddruid) and Tristi are helping me with it! Joan's alpha and beta-ing while Tristi's gonna be a co-writer. For once, I'm not gonna start posting after it's written, but post as we write each chapter.

A Golden Age AU where I fix the fucking show.

5. Tim gets de-ages to a toddler fic [DC]

I've finished the outline for this too and it's currently standing at 21 chapters and I've already written 2. @mispeltnostalgia is beta-ing it ^^ And it's angsty. And fluffy! Majority of it is fluffy! But the angst at the end and major character death tag kind of overshadows the 19 chapters of fluff 😅 I also do a character study of Jason here. It's very enlightening.

Inspired by the very first fanfic I ever read (by choice) and Tim gets de-aged to a toddler because of a mistake Jason made. Jason's bonds with the family is already fragile and this mistake might just drive a further wedge between him and them. So he keeps the mistake a secret.

But the fact Tim is a toddler isn't. The batfam try their hardest to look after Tim while trying to find a way to age him back. Tim's an adorable kid but... there are warning signs. Too many warning signs. It makes everyone question just how well they had known Tim and his personal life.

For some reason, the toddler seems attached to Jason. And surprisingly, Jason seems to go actually well when dealing with him.

But after an explosive fight between Jason and the rest of the family, when Alfred opens the doors to the bedrooms, he finds both the toddler and the crime lord gone.

6. I Quit (not the actual fic name, just a wip name) [DC]

It started with a crack-genre scene where Tim accidentally resigns being Robin over the phone.

It quickly escalated to Tim running from the Bats, trying to cure Jason of his Pit Madness, and raising a 10-year-old assassin Damian when Talia mistakenly dumped the kid on him. Fully outlined, 19 chapters, I'm probably gonna start writing this soon.

7. Found Him [DC]

Not a multichap fic but a series with oneshots and twoshots and threeshots! Why? Because I was lazy and didn't bother with filling chapters. Why? Cuz I wanted to get to the action bits. Why?

Because this, my friends, is an evil!Tim Drake AU >:)

Tim wakes up in Titans Tower before Bruce and Dick can show up. He wakes up and all he sees is blood.

His blood.

He is in excruciating pain, but for some cruel reason, he can still think and feel clearly. His mind is not a haze, he has all his memories and he is very well aware of the carnage that has been made out of his body. Very well aware of the person who created the carnage out of his body.

In a Red Robin #4-esque style, Tim crawls out and sloppily secures the wounds that bleed the most, then grabs a bike and collapses in the middle of the road. The emergency services think he's a normal civilian boy since Tim had torn his Robin uniform and had ridden out in the blacks underneath. They manage to save his life but the damage was done.

Tim had snapped. He thought he was alone. And nothing was going to convince him otherwise.

8. All 'Board Mind Games [DC]

Inspired by Zugzwang written by sardonic-sprite. Ra's keeps kidnapping Tim and forcing him to play different board games from different cultures (cuz I like representation) and each member of the batfam is kidnapped along with him and with every time Tim loses, he gets to choose between forms of torture or being Ra's heir. Ra's gets what he wants either way because he wants Tim as his heir, but he also wants to see Tim suffer because he blew up his League's operations.

This fic I am so so so incredibly excited for because I am adding brain factors in it. Here is a plan for one of my chapters:

Damian — Barjees — Fear gas — "Be the person you needed when you were younger" (or Ideasthesia)

9. Talons (not the actual title) [DC]

What if Bruce didn't arrive in time to adopt his sons? What if the Talons did?

And what if, years later, Batman comes across four child assassins in Gotham whose eyes are screaming help?

10. Danny meets Tim (not the actual title, obvi) [DC x Danny Phantom]

Not very outlined, but the idea has been written down. During Tim's Red Robin arc where he's traversing the whole globe to find Bruce, one of the places he stops at is Amity Park. He heard about how ghosts are a regular here so maybe he can find something? Proof whether or not Bruce is alive?

Who he finds instead changes the whole trajectory of Tim's life.

~

And those are some of my wips! I am 100% planning on writing and posting all of them. They've all been outlined (except the last one) and are very much ready to be written or posted. I keep getting ideas after ideas for fics though so don't know when I'll be writing them 😂 Rest assured, I'm too excited to delay some of these wips.

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Merlin fic

Finally... the fic I had been hinting for the past few weeks... It's here.

Summary:

The storm that had passed through Albion didn't only bring devastation to Camelot. It also brought a party belonging to the king, queen and princess of a distant land on the edge of Albion's maps. As per propriety and courtesy, the king of Camelot was required to hold a feast and provide accommodation for them. The feast started off smoothly, the royals of Camelot getting along quite well with the royals from Harden. But a single questioned changed everything. Including the destiny and future of Arthur and Merlin. "And what are your stances on magic?" Uther asked. It took all Merlin had not to tense up.

Thank you so much to @tireddruid @sardonic-sprite and @tristicorde for betaing and helping me with this fic. I appreciate it greatly.

I worked incredibly hard on this fic please don't let it go unread

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GONNA BE POSTING MY FIRST DEAD DOVE FIC SAJDNCIBFWHEODI

It's a long one, so it's gonna take a bit to code. But it's gonna be posted soon!! Ahhh I'm so excited I put so much work into it!

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This is gonna be a doozy

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whats your favourite literary technique :0?

Either foreshadowing or parallels.

I love foreshadowing because just going through the fic and adding those bits of details that lead to the final reveal is so satisfying to do. It's incredibly incredibly satisfying. And then when you re-read the whole thing, you find those little details and go :O @tireddruid can attest to that lol

I love parallels because having a certain scene at the start of the story, then contrasting or repeating it but in an entirely different context at the end of the story is just- HSBVFHDUSANJH makes me go feral. And it's so satisfying to do as well! I giggle every time.

So yeah, either foreshadowing or story parallelism.

Thanks for the askkk!

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Wow taking a small break between asks made me forget which ones I sent soooo oops

24. How much prep work do you put into your stories? What does that look like for you? Do you enjoy this part or do you just want to get on with it?

XDD

OKAY NOW THIS. THIS I CAN GO ON ABOUT.

@sardonic-sprite and @tristicorde and @tireddruid can attest to this because I went to them when rambling about writing devices and how to get a fic or story right and Joan is a beta for my Merlin fics.

For oneshots, most of my oneshots are usually an idea that I get spontaneously and I rush to my documents to write it down but then it accidentally becomes a fic so I just format it then later edit it.

But multichapters, series and some certain oneshots (like the one I'm writing rn) are special. And yes, I do enjoy prepping a story.

I'm gonna take three examples: Let Them Be Brothers series, a wip slave!Merlin fic, and a 40k angsty oneshot which is also a wip.

Let Them Be Brothers (and Mafia Files)

This was my first series and I was basically experimenting as I went with it. I have a much clearer idea about how to go about planning a series now.

In this one, I first write the fic. It's 23 chapters officially. And while writing it, I basically started out with a chunk of text going on for pages without paragraphs and my personal notes to myself in bold and underlined sprinkled throughout it. Then, I divided the entire chunk into chapters, creating a story. Then I read my notes all over again and added bits of foreshadowing or corrected a detail here and there as I read.

Then I got to writing. And while writing, I just made some more minor changes and if I spotted a plothole, I would try and clear that up. Then while editing, I went back and read the entire fic and fixed up some mistakes and grammar. Then I read it again. Then I read it a third time. The first time, I read it carefully word by word to catch as many mistakes as possible. The second time, I read it as I would normally read a story, so I read with more speed, as if I was sitting in the reader's seat. The third time, I just read my favorite parts to squeal at it and enjoy it as a creator of an official story.

I hadn't planned a series for it, but while thinking about possibilities, I decided, "why not make it a series?" So I wrote down a few fic plans in my notes. The prep that was involved here was basically just a lot of reading and going back and forth and fixing or adding details. That's it.

By the time I finished posting the series, I was so done with reading it over and over again that i vowed never to read it again because I was now sick of it XD I love that other people enjoy it! It's why I read it so much to the point where I was just done and tired with the fics. So I'm incredibly happy that people are liking the whole series so much :) But I really did put a lot of planning and thought into it and I love planning and thought!

wip slave!Merlin fic

I recently got into slave!Merlin fics and then I realized that I could go really dark with this trope and decided to write out all the darkest voices and demons inside me. I just want to test the furthest of my limits with this fic.

Now, I'm writing this multichap the same way I do any multichap, but for this one, I decided to actually put use of what my English teacher taught me in class and actively plan out things rather than just write it.

So what I'm doing is first, I just wrote the basic summary so I wouldn't forget the concept of the fic. Then, I started creating chapter outlines. I'm on chapter 4 right now, but the thing is, ideas don't come in chronological order. At least not for me. I have currently eleven full/long scenes completely outlines at the bottom of the document under a section titled 'Excerpts'. What I'm doing with this one is that I'm writing down any and all ideas I'd like to have in the fic under that section, then as I write my chapter outline notes in chronological order, I add foreshadowing or parallels or teasers or build-ups to those scenes. All the while, I also add build-ups and teasers for the final ending of the fic too (which I've already written down how and when it's going to happen in the 'Excerpts' section). I don't think much in this stage, I'm just doing.

What's going to happen next, is that while I'm outlining it, I build it up and create fillers and things for a particular scene I want to have first. Then I copy-paste that scene, then move on to build up the next scene. Then what I'm going to do after I've finished completely outlining the fic, is that I'm going to read through my notes and add some extra bits of foreshadowing or detail, or teasers, or parallels, or build-ups, or information or- you get the point.

After that, I start writing. This stage is very simple and easy for me, because my outlines look like this:

(that's an outline I made while writing mmb)

So I basically just copy every sentence except to replace it with grammar or a better sentence structure XD

While writing, again, if I find any plotholes or some details missing or any of the like, I fix it up immediately. I also make notes for myself in between the outline or in between writing [like this] so any details I need to put in the later scenes, I will remember to put it. The pic above is a relatively clean version because usually my outlines are littered with notes. I look at those notes then adjust accordingly :)

And then after that, I'm gonna do what I did for ltbb and edit it by reading it over and over. Except this time, I'm gonna get my beta Joan to read over it so I don't have to make myself sick and done by over-reading it XD And then I post!!

40k angsty oneshot wip

This one's currently fully written, but it's just going through the beta stages right now. This one's special because I'm putting a LOT of work into it. I have three beta readers for this one. Sprite taking a look over the foreshadowing bits I used. Trist helping me with descriptions. Joan being a general beta reader. Immense, immense thank you to ALL of them btw!!

What i did here is that i wrote it like a normal multichap, but I didn't split it into chapters. I purposefully just kept it as a really long oneshot because chapters were uneven and it broke the flow of the fic and didn't pack that punch I needed it to. So after writing it all, I read it word by word and then I inserted the tiniest details of foreshadowing, juxtaposition, characterisation, dialogue etc. Joan can attest to that as well. And then I also asked Joan to give it another read so I can see what things readers can catch on their re-reads (or first reads even) and then highlight some aspects to make them more noticeable or make some other aspects subtle. We're currently going through that right now. I'm also handing over the fic to the other betas too (either in screenshots of certain snippets or as an entire fic) so they can provide their input as well.

So yeah, i'm really polishing this fic and am really proud of us for doing all this and making it the very best 😂✨

And yeah! That's my prep for stories! I really put a lot of work into mine and love every minute of it <33

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I haven't wanted to be caught up in reading a tortured Merlin fic...but it happened. I just couldn't set this story aside once opening ao3. Reading the main fic and the epilogue was hard. The contrast between love (you portrayed the beauty of friendship so beautifully and profoundly) and insane cruelty was so powerful. The scene in the cell, Merlin's "I'm human, I'm human" was heartbreaking. I really don't want to say "thank you" for creating such type of a story, but thank you.

(Let Me Die, Let Me Drown, Lay My Bones In The Ground)

I am stimming so fucking hard right now.

I didn't want to be caught up in writing that level of tortured Merlin fic either but... hey, it happened. The idea got in my head and it happened.

YES THE CONTRAST- DFIBHWEDJ Opposites in stories just have a way to get you to smile and weep at them at the same time (Bridge to Terabithia being one of my favorites). And I'm truly honored to have my fic being pushed under that spotlight of opposites/contrasts positively, thank you.

The cell scenes were my favorite <333 I'm glad you liked them too

The thing about the "I'm human, I'm human" was me exploring and twisting the original personal issue Merlin had in the first episode of thinking that he was a monster and the amazing fanfic trope of Merlin not being human/not thinking himself as a human. I'm so glad you liked that!!!

I appreciate that bittersweet thank you with all my heart 💖 Please accept my thank you back ^^