this is pt 1 of two (honestly maybe three) illustrations from the same scene in BSP chapter 8, because this moment has me screaming crying throwing up every single time I read it for some reason? The levels of absolute filth I consume daily thanks to this fandom, but THIS is the first scene in a fic to ever make me physically blush??
I think it’s the chronically ill girlie in me ("in me" bitch she is me) who clearly has developed some sort of healing/carer kink. And the vulnerability of it all. I die!
(safe to say I am absolutely not ok and literally never will be ever again in my entire life)
anyway I tried something new for the colouring, idk if I love it but I certainly…did it. I always want my colouring to be even looser and more textured, just real casual-like, like it’s not even a big deal. Unfortunately I am a hyper-focusing control freak who zooms in way too fucking far
One of my personal internal conspiracy theories is that big budget special effects movies and streaming series with like hundreds of millions or billions of dollars sunk into them are some kind of very open embezzlement schemes.
Even the best paid actors and directors and such can't explain the budget. The money certainly isn't on the screen when it comes to anything from costumes to cinematography to visual effects or editing. It's openly known all the jobs that contribute to "making the pictures look good" are getting their parts of the budget slashed. The Avengers Infinity Wars movies have got $300M price tags and they do NOT look like it. Rings of Power cost like $700M and literally used off the shelf craft store fabric for armor. They dump cheap CGI in because there's no union to keep the pricing fair and shoot everything on green screen so there's no travel and where is the money going?
But for example if you're a producer you also get paid, and all I can think about is how producers with business degrees are deciding on how the budget should be used on these huge shows with country sized price tags and if the budget isn't going into anything or anyone involved in the actual work of the movie, but the guy who thinks the movie needs to cost less and be a business product also thinks he has the most important job and he gets to decide where the money goes? Are these guys just like "okay, our salary will be $299M and the rest goes to the production itself."
I know I'm missing things, but I've seen hundreds of movies that look gorgeous and beautiful and have amazing effects and camerawork and they're all a tenth of the big budget shows and movies, or less, so where is the other 90+% of the money going? It's VISIBLY NOT PRESENT IN THE FINISHED PRODUCT. Who has it?
Someone already went into the technical details in the reblogs.
Even though I long to call that little body language expert of yours a hack and be done with it, I'm not going to say that I didn't want it. Because unlike some people, I am not a serial liar. And, on occasion, I can even process complex emotions without purging their source from myself entirely.
At any rate. Put yourself in my shoes, Nonagesimus. You've been starved of all companionship except - blech - Ianthe. You were dead for months - felt like years.
And then she touched me with those burning hot little hands of yours, and I thought it was you. I wanted it to be you.
I opened my eyes. That couldn't be helped, honestly. You were there in the frame of her, and she was all decked out in your favorite shitty color (if not quite as encrusted with bones), and her hair was almost the right length again. But her eyes were all wrong - the same color as mine were before I made the biggest mistake I can't regret. Worst of all was her face. Not to encourage you, but she doesn't come close to the force or the depth of your expression. She filled it out with one emotion at a time, and she didn't have anywhere near the mastery of your eyebrows that you did. When I look back I could kick myself for not calling her an imposter immediately.
I'm not making excuses, but I only had a second to take in all this information. A lot of the more clever remarks above come from later observation. I, fool that I was, was mostly thinking that you came for me. I was looking at the raggedness of your hair and the sharpness of your jaw and the queer unpaintedness of your lips, and I was wanting you in a way you probably would have killed me for.
And that's when she kissed me.
I didn't do anything weird! You haven't had my tongue in your mouth or anything like that. The sanctity of your mouth remains unblemished by all but the corse of the Locked Tomb, unless you count that jaw inspection thing with Tridentarius, which is completely your call to make. I didn't bite your lip or make a weird noise, or even take your hand. Granted, you can thank the element of surprise for some of that. You don't have to scrape Nav off your tonsils, is the point - maybe just take a few cold showers and put some extra paint on your lips going forward.
useless piece of information: malenia always follows up with a grab after she breaks your guard with a kick. it is possible to roll out the way as your stamina regens fast enough on it's own, but i still thought it was pretty cool that she can do this