#look at the deranged chick in this photo | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

hobbitsnapes · 4 years

Text

The Red Hoods Protègè chapter 9

Older Damian Wayne x ofc

(Photo made by my lovely friend @tyuuniverse)

Summary:Red hood has taken a young vigilante under his wing and subsequently changes Damians life forever. (I suck at summary’s)

A/N:Here it is guys. The reveal of who angel is. I’m so thankful for each and everyone of you who’s red this story, who’s liked it, shared it and who keep up with it. I love you all and can’t wait for you all to see what’s coming up after this. I’m gonna be honest and say, I was (who am I kidding I still am as I write this.) terrified. I never expected people to like this story. It’s not something you typically see and it’s not a character who’s written about often. But again, thank you. I’m hoping this reveal is up to par with what you’re hoping. I hope you like it. Again, thank you for giving me a start at writing and keeping me going with my stories.

“Do you have your taser gun?” Jason asks, as he watches her load up her pistol. “No, why?” “You didn’t bring it last time.” “Usually I don’t take it, why should I this time?” She asks as she looks at jason. Her head tilted slighting. Confused at why she should take it this time around. “This guy isn’t our usual psycho. His real name is Lazlo Valentin, commonly known as professor pyg. He had a schizophrenic breakdown and now wears a mask to resemble a pig. He was a scientist prior to his break. He’s an obsessive perfectionist who believes that all humans are broken and needing to be ‘fixed.’ His idea of perfection is turning people into what he calls them Dollotrons. He’ll kidnap a person, and with whatever he can find, preforms surgery and uses chemicals to make them mind controlled automatons. They feel no pain, and they never stop unless killed. I honestly would rather you sit this one out, not because you can’t handle it. But because of how sick this fucker is.”

At this point, Jason is looking her in the eyes with what could only be described as fear. “And I don’t want you going out alone with this bastard. God only knows what he’d do to you if he got to you.” Jason looks down at this, picks his final gun up and looks her in the eyes again. “Alright, but I need you to promise to be careful. He’s not big or strong or even that smart. But he’s sick enough to get to you.” “If I can handle gas Huffers laughing gas, then I think I can handle Mr. Piggy.” At this Jason laughs.

The crunch of the shards of metal and gravel send sounds throughout the top floor of the beauty parlor. That is until they reach a back door. Once they enter they hear a faint sound of music. The music growing louder the further they reach the basement.

The sound of O mio babbino caro playing along with a voice singing along to it. The voice off key and definitely male along with groans of pain and yells growing louder once they reach the basement door.

They reach a back metal door that leads them to a long staircase, the voices clear as day once they reach the bottom steps. The room wreaking of blood and stale rusty pipes.

They see through glass windows surrounding the makeshift operating room pyg standing over a metal operating bed. He’s singing along to the song along with snorting every few seconds. The closer they reach they see what looks to be a woman on the table with a doll mask covering her face. “You’re done here Valentin. Step away from the woman.” Her and Jason turning their heads to the voice behind them. Out from the shadows walks in Batman. Robin standing right behind him. “And you two. Get out of here. You’re not needed.” Batman says as he eyes her and Jason. “Oh no no no no. Pyg is not ready yet. Pyg must fix her. We are not ready. Pyg must make her perfect. Pyg can make all of us better.” “Okay that’s enough Mr. piggy. Now get the fuck back before I shoot you in between your eyes. Then we’ll see if you snort.” She says as she raises her gun at the deranged man. “He said leave!” Robin yells at her. “And you go fuck yourself bird boy! I’ll shoot you too! Now, I said GET BACK!” “Pyg not ready! Pyg is god! Pyg will fix you all! Now rise my Dollotron and show them how perfect you are!” The woman on the table sits up from the table. Her stitches tearing open when she stands to the ground. She isn’t even Phased by it as she swings at her. Angle dodges the hit and swings her foot up and into her face. The woman falling to the ground. Angel gets on top of her and hits her in the face again. The woman barley making a noise at the hit and punching her in the face. She climbs on top of her and tries choking her but before she can angel takes out her hunters knife and impales the woman in the gut. The woman letting out a cry from it as angel gets on top of her and rips her mask from her face. And as soon as she rips it from her face she's met with a horrifying discovery. “M-mom? No, it it can’t me. Y-you’re dead! YOU’RE DEAD!” She cries as she holds the lifeless woman’s face in her hands. Sobs wrecking her body at the horror of what she’s done. A hand pulling her away and into a strong chest. “It’s not her sweety, it’s not her.” She doesn’t hear what Jason says as she rips from his hold and runs to Pyg. (Trigger warning.stabbing)

“YOU DID THIS TO HER!” She screams as she impales him in the stomach with her knife. Ripping through his flesh as she tears it out from him and into him over and over as he screams out in pain. “YOU DID THIS!” She screams repeatedly. The sound of ruling flesh and cracking of bones along with cries of pain filling the already loud room. She stabs him one final time in the heart, his head dropping to the floor.His lifeless body laying in a heep. (End of trigger)

She’s ripped away again by Jason. “Stop! Stoop! He’s dead!” Jason yells as she fights out of his grip. She rips away from him, a hit landing her on her back. The impact knocking the wind from her lungs. She looks up to see robin standing above her. She stands back up and swings back to hit him but before she can, he grips her by the throat and slams her into the wall. His chest pressing so hard against her she can feel his heart through his suit. “DAMNIT! WHY DID YOU DO THAT!” Robin screams at her in her face. His grip on her throat tightening. “HE WAS KILLING PEOPLE AND TURNING THEM INTO MIND CONTROLLED ZOMBIES! ALL YOU FUCKING DO IS LOCK THESE PSYCHOS UP SO THEY CAN GET OUT AND KEEP DOING IT AGAIN! AT LEAST WE ARE GETTING RID OF THEM!” She screams, she takes her pistol and hits him over the head with it.

He stumbles back as he clutches his face.

She runs away from him towards the door. But before she can make it, a blade is thrown and strikes her shoulder blade. The searing pain of the sharp blade tearing into her flesh and scars. A blood curdling scream ripping out of her as she grips her shoulder. She falls to the ground as tears leak into her mask. The pain white hot and it takes over her body.

A hand is placed on her face and as she looks up, her eyes meeting Batman as he kneels to her. “Here let me help you.” “NO GET AWAY FROM ME!” She screams as she gets up away from him. She rips the blade from her shoulder, a scream tearing through her as she does this. She looks at robin with tears pooling through her mask and onto her face. Adrenaline Coursing through her as she runs out of the room.

Before Damian can move he’s tackled to the ground. Jason on top of him hitting him repeatedly. “DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT YOU'VE DONE! SHE WAS FINALLY BETTER AND YOU HAD TO GO FUCK IT UP!” Jason screams as he hits Damian repeatedly. He starts to chick him but is ripped off from Damian and into Bruces chest. Jason thrashing as he hits Bruce. “YOU DID THIS! YOU HURT MY DAUGHTER!” Daughter? Jason doesn’t- then a memory comes to him from a few weeks ago

Damian and her are walking through the park, his arm on her shoulder. They’re trying to collect all the toys that were used with Titus to put into her bag. They Grab the last plush bear and put it in the bag. “You know, you never told me much about your parents, can I ask what their names are?” She seems startled at the question, until she smiles and looks up at Damian. “Oh yeah sorry about that. My moms name is Julie, but she’s not around anymore. My dads name is Jason.”

‘It can’t be?’ Damian thinks. There’s no way it can be her. He runs out the door and sees a trail of blood, he follows the droplets to a broken window. He gets onto the roof and sees her about 5 buildings away. He runs from building to building, trying to keep up but staying behind her enough so she won’t see him.

She drops from a building and this causes him to panic. Why is he panicking? He can’t stand her, so why is the idea of her-he can’t think of that as a pain settles into his chest. He jumps from the same building onto the ground. The gravel meeting his shoes causing a large sound throughout the alleyway. She’s nowhere in sight and the blood trail is gone. He checks behind walls,Behind a dumpster but comes up with nothing. That is until he goes behind the next building and sees her mask on the ground. He grabs it and looks up, he’s met with a tall apartment building. He sees an open window and grapples to it.

He climbs through the window into what looks to be a bedroom. He hesitates to enter, that is until he sees her suit on the floor. The back of it having a patch of blood from the blade. He looks around in the dark room and again, she’s nowhere to be found. He goes to the door and opens it, he creeps into what looks to be the kitchen and sees a light from under a door. He hears water running and what appears to be crying.

He slowly opens the door and his worst thought was correct. There she sits in the bathtub, her knees brought to her chest as sobs wreck her body. Her back to him enough to see the blood trickling down from the water, but that’s not what got his attention. On both shoulder blades, deep red scars that have healed over cover them. The flesh healed but the scars still appear to be deep.

She turns her head at the noise and looks him in the eyes. Tears falling down her cheeks. “A-alexia?” She lets out a yell as she launches at him. Her nails scratching his face as she pushes him out of the room. “GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME!”

Damian stumbles back as she slams the door shut. He hears a noise a few feet away and looks up and sees Jason. “You, you’re her dad? You can’t be! You’re no fucking father! YOU CAN'T BE!” “So you’re the one she’s been going out with all this time. You’re the one who’s made her the happiest I’ve ever seen her. For weeks she’s come home with a smile on her face but never told me who it was. And for the record her name isn’t alexia.” “Then who the fuck is she jason!” “Her name is Saundra. And while she isn’t mine she is my daughter Damian. Just as I was the son to Bruce.” “You’re no father Jason. She’s not your daughter! She’s a psychotic murderer who belongs in Arkham! Along with you!” “Say what you want about me, that I’m a killer, that I’m psycho, that I belong behind bars or in a padded cell. But don’t you DARE call her that! Did she tell you what actually happened to her?” “No I didn’t.” Both men turn around seeing her. She’s wearing a long nightgown with her wet hair hanging in her eyes. Tears falling down her face. She takes in a deep breath, she shudders slightly. Her fingers fidgeting with her dress pockets. “My mom and dad, they loved me. They never wanted me to be sad or feel pain. They hid all of the bad things in the world away from me. They gave me love, along with anything I ever wanted. They always made sure I was protected. Well turns out my dad wasn’t always a nice guy.”Tears are falling freely down her face, she hiccups and wipes her eyes with the palm of her shaken hands. H-he grew up on the streets, committing Petty crimes to get by. That was until one day he was approached by a guy. The guy was looking to rally up a crew to rob a bank. They all wore masks and hid their identities from one another. The guy they were working for had a name. His name was. God, t-the joker. One by one each of the guys were killed. My dad got away from him and changed his name. He later met my mom and had me. Well joker ended up finding us. When I was 16 I never knew what pain, sadness, or anything bad was. My dad made both my mom and I pack up our bags and we fled to a home on the outskirts of Gotham. That night, I watched as my mother was beaten, stabbed screaming for help. My dad was beaten with metal bats repeatedly. I-I tried getting away but was hit over the h-head.” At this point she’s sobbing uncontrollably, shaking as her hands ball into fists at her sides. Her head hanging to the ground. A-and was taken to the ground by joker. My dad screamed at him. ‘Please, not my little angel.’ Those scars, I got from him. He slashed a Serrated knife into my flesh over and over until he reached the bone. When he was done he let out a maniacal laugh as I lay there screaming in pain as blood soaked my nightgown and the floor. He then bent down to my face and said ‘aww poor little angel lost her wings.’ Am I still a monster Damian? Or am I one of that sick fucks countless victims? I wasn’t the first or the last as he kills many more, that is unless he’s finally stopped. We could all be safer, happier, and kids won’t be ripped away from their family.” She looks up at Damian, his face cold as ice as he stares her down “You’re still nothing but a killer. Rather than doing what’s right you chose vengeance over justice. You’re just as bad as they are.” “AND WHAT WAS I BEFORE DAMIAN! When you didn’t know! You saw who I was and I showed you the girl I was before he killed my family and left me for dead! I bore my heart out for you but didn’t tell you because I didn’t think you’d understand what happened to me! THAT NIGHT YOU TOLD ME YOU HAD FEELINGS FOR ME!” She’s shaking as she screams at him. Her voice breaking towards the end from her songs and sore vocal cords. “And I could never be with someone who does the things you do.” At that Damian leaves.

As she hears him jump out the window she falls to the ground. Sobs taking her over. Jason grabbing her and holding her tight to his chest. “He-he kissed me dad. He made me feel like I mattered to him. Like i wasn’t just a monster.” She sobs into his chest. He rocks her back and forth and rubs the bottom of her back. “And what he said doesn’t matter. He’s a fucking prick. You do matter, in fact you’re the reason I keep going. If I didn’t have you..god I can’t even imagine. You’re my world bub.” “How did you know who he was? And why did you say you were once Bruce’s son? What haven’t you told me dad?” Jason bows his head down so as to not look her in the eyes. “I lied to you. There’s things I haven’t told you about my life. But, I only did it to protect you. I promise that.” “Tell me the truth dad. Please. I can’t handle anymore lies.” She grabs the side of his face as she says this. His eyes meeting her tear filled ones. “If I tell you. Please promise you’ll remember I did this because I wanted to protect you.” “I promise dad.”

As Jason lays there on the couch, he looks down at her as she sleeps soundly. Her stuffed bear clutched to her chest. He lazily runs his fingers through her hair. Her tears finally dry tracks on her face. As he looks at her peaceful face, he makes a promise to make those who hurt her pay.

Tags: @psychovigilantewrites @comic-nerd-dc @comic-brew

#damian wayne x reader #damian wayne fanfiction #older!damian wayne imagine #damian wayne imagine #damian wayne #batfam x reader #batfamily #batman #red hood #jason todd #dick grayson #tim drake #dc #dc imagine #dceu

28 notes · View notes

pepper-altrechtspruehger · 4 years

Text

Butthurt lubeslayas hate first amendment, won’t let GwPS reblog their unintentionally hilarious buffalo pucks

After we ever-so-delicately eviscerated one of the criminal harassers’ inane Tumblr post, which should have been titled “We Don’t Know Jack $hīt About Cybercrime Investigations,” the inept and inane lubeslayas (formerly known on Twitter as “#libslaya”), having withstood a severe outbreak of humiliating red-ass, decided it might not be such a good idea for intelligent, sophisticated women with good grammar and robust pepper spray to continue to make them look like the bumbling çüćks they are.

So they made a predictable move. They won’t let smart-ass chicks reblog and debunk their thinly-sourced and logically laughable cyberflatulence. Will that stop us? You must be kidding.

Let’s take a look at an embarrassingly lunatic couplet from one of their recent manic outbursts:

Making Fun of Tank For Saying He Likes to Smell His Sweaty Grandson This is what Tank’s inner circle is trying to pretend is “Pedo behavior.”

When lubeslayas post said photo literally hundreds of times, they make the kid a target for deranged pedo nutcases. The lubeslayas know their posts have gone well beyond Twitter. The lubeslayas placed that child in danger. Despite their prior idiotic assertions, multiple sources confirm the lubeslayas are the subject of legal scrutiny.

They’re just too g*ddamn arrogant or stupid (or both) to put a cork in their Tweetholes.

No amount of changing the subject LOOK! MAJOR TOM! LOOK GROYPER SOOP NAZI! is going to change that foreboding fact.

I could make a whimsical jailhouse shower “Don’t drop the lube” aside at this point, but that would be rude.

And I was going to say I hope they get good lawyers, but honestly I hope they get the most incapable lawyers imaginable. They deserve it.

#lubeslaya criminalharassment girlswithpepperspray

9 notes · View notes

mrchalamet-mrstyles · 4 years

Note

And like clockwork, there we have the anti-T’s, calling him an ass kisser and inauthentic for that tweet. 🙄 I’m not surprised, but it still makes my blood boil.

Is anyone surprised? They are literally imploding right now, anon. With Armie’s new chick and photo bomb on the horizon, clearly knocking the wind out of their “he’s coming out of the closet any day now” sails, Tim just drove another nail in their coffin. He’s not behaving how they want him to so he has to be brought down a peg. Tim’s just out there doing his thing and Charmies can’t stand it. I’m loving it. Just ignore them, hon. The more they spew their toxicity in Tim’s undeserving direction, the more stupid and frankly, deranged, they look.

#charmie #anti-t #times are hard for a charmie #boohoo #Anonymous

4 notes · View notes

shewantedtobeasecretgirl · 4 years

Text

10. Bathroom wall a.k.a. a queen bee, Prince in the shower and a backup Casanova (Part Two)

Finally, that Donna Summer song is over… Although disco is not my favorite genre, I have nothing against her generally but now… the part in which she’s repeating “Hot-hot-hot-hot stuuuuff” reminded me of the sound of the rototiller which would break down in every single winter and my grandpa would always have to try for hours and hours to breathe life into it in spring. And the music was also way too loud in comparison to the fact the clientele of this place consists mostly of exhausted truck drivers who only want to chill to Chris Rhea’s Road to Hell. If they wanted noise, they would go to a strip club to see Miss North Carolina ’86 dropping her clothes to something from AC/DC. Probably Highway to Hell. Variations on a theme. But probably this little dump doesn’t even have a proper strip club.

Luckily, this shabby roadhouse has a separate room for pool tables; it’s pretty hidden and easily approachable without being noticed. Not that I don’t like hanging out with the guys… okay, that’s also a part of it, we’ve been basically locked in a tour bus, concert venues and hotel rooms since last September. We’re each other’s company all the time, the only place where I can spend a few hours by myself is basically the ever-changing setting of my incoherent dreams. Only mentally, of course, since basically there’s always someone snoring around. And of course, they also keep showing up in random scenarios and with people they don’t even know but that’s the point of dreams, your brain forces you to put jigsaw puzzle pieces together that don’t match. Or they do, you just don’t know about it… Long story short, there’s no way to get rid of these dudes… Okay, it sounds as if they annoyed me… shit, they do annoy me more and more often and I hate this feeling. We’re basically friends; we wouldn’t be able to play in the same band if we didn’t get on well. But before we started touring, we’d all had our own circles including friends and colleagues, different hobbies, natural habitat… and music and the band had been only the intersection of them. We met when we had to do something as a band, we spent time together to write songs, rehearse, record… and in the remaining time, everybody lived their own life. That we don’t have anymore.

Usually, I try to not see only the dark side of this situation but now, I’m not feeling able to put on a smiley face. Maybe the fact that my whole digestive system is burning doesn’t help either… I bought a cola at the gas station next to the bar and smuggled it in under my jacket. That’s the only piece of advice of the doctor that is also useful under tour circumstances. I mean, I can’t just drop everything and lie down when the pains are coming, I can’t spend my evening sitting on the loo when I have to play a gig and who cares about diet when you can’t even eat or sleep on a regular basis? But cola is always there, no matter where I am. It’s the only thing that eases my nausea effectively and isn’t very conspicuous at the same time. And this one is as cold as ice, it feels good to press the bottle to my stomach as I’m crouching in fetal position in this armchair. Although the doctor probably wouldn’t approve, I spiked it with a few drops of rum. To be honest, they were bigger drops but I finally wanted to empty my flask. I decided to give up drinking spirits, beer makes me unpredictable enough and mixing drinks only fucks my digestion up too.

“Here you are, finally! I knew you were somewhere here too!”

So much for hiding…

“Hi, Karrie…”

“Man, you’re missing the best parts… some local chicks started courting the guys, they even got them to dance…”

“Awesome…”

“Mike, can you hear what I’m telling you? I said the guys were made to dance… I mean, the guys such as Jeff, Dave and Stone… and dance, like, moving the body rhythmically to the music… Although the girl who picked Stone had a difficult job…”

“Let me guess: she failed.” I remark in a bored voice and shake the bottle in small circles not to waste a drop of my drink.

“Mike? Is something wrong with you? Normally, you would basically drop everything and rush there to see the end of the scene but… yes, something’s wrong with you...” she answers her own question with a concerned face sinking down slowly onto the other armchair.

“I’m fine…” I mumble as I embrace my knees and lean my chin against them.

“Mike, I haven’t known you for a long time but I’m pretty sure that sitting alone curled up like a hedgehog is not your normal state. The pains, again, right?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“I don’t like being taken for an idiot. Ninety percent of my job basically consists of watching every move of yours and trying to figure out your needs before you would even think about them. Do you think I haven’t noticed you’re suffering?”

I should have known. She usually stays in the background, doesn’t meddle in the business of the others but she’s all ears and eyes… she knows everything about us.

“All I know is that it must be something with your stomach or intestines… I don’t know exactly how serious it might be but it seems to be serious enough to be treated…” she goes on ignoring my stubborn silence. “Have you already seen a doctor? Have you already been diagnosed?”

I’ve seen several ones. I have a diagnosis. But I doubt she wants to hear the detailed description of my medical history, in particular the analysis of that delightful feeling when objects are being put up into your butthole.

“Do the others know about it?”

Oh, sure… like the inexhaustible source of Stone’s stupid anal jokes needed any feeding…No, thanks. And enlightening the others about the fact that pissing in the corner and running around naked aren’t the only sorts of accidents happening with me from time to time isn’t one of my top priorities either.

“Look, Mike, you’re an adult. Legally, leastways. I can’t tell you what to do and I’m finished with the heart-to-heart, I promise but… come on, all I’m trying to say is that you don’t have to feel ashamed and you can live a quality life whatever your problem is, for example Effie…”

“Effie?” I try not to sound like a maniac but I almost kick the table over as I jump back in regular sitting position. “You mean she…?”

“Hasn’t Judy mentioned it?”

“What?” I ask so far as I’m able to speak at all due to the lump in my throat that grew out of nothing of the mere mention of her name.

“She’s been waiting for new kidneys, or at least one new kidney for months. It’s pretty difficult to find a suitable donor for her… but she’s optimistic, as always. And also angry a bit but it only helped her move on.”

“May I ask… what happened to her? I mean, I understand if it’s not public or…” I try to form coherent sentences, which is not that easy at all after this shock therapy.

“It’s not a secret, it’s the result of medical mistakes.” she starts telling the whole story. The chain of her ordeals is more than simple misfortune, and honestly, as I’m trying to recall that compelling but still playful voice, it’s difficult to believe her life depends on permanent medical help. “…and that’s where we are now.” she finishes with a deeps sigh.

“Poor girl…”

“She’d cut your throat if she heard you. She hates being pitied and tries to keep her life in the normal track very hard, limits and obstacles have always annoyed her… but she’s not that kind of girl to whom you can explain that life can be complete without sky diving, rock climbing or space travel too.” she shrugs with a bittersweet smile.

“Does that mean she keeps going on with her studies and…”

“That’s the problem. She’s suspended her studies, gave up her student jobs but she’s already regretted it. And Annie, I mean, her mom is overconcerned and wants her to rest and stick around until the transplantation will have been carried out. And that’s one of the reasons why I recommended Judy as my replacement…”

“They need money…”

“Yup. But the point of my coming up with Effie’s case is to make you understand you’re not alone, having an illness is not a shame but I hate clichés so I rather shut up. I don’t want to lecture you, I would just feel guilty if I didn’t even try to talk about it with you.”

“I have already heard so much about her… do you have a picture of her or something? I’m curious… I mean, it’d be nice if I could connect a face to all those awesome stories…” I hear myself talking. Gaah, I don’t want seem to be pushy or a psycho stalker but I need to see her face.

“Uhmm, I used to keep a few family photos in my wallet, if you’re lucky I still have them…” she begins to rummage in her purse. “Ah, here it is. But no, that’s an old one.” she puts the picture back before I could take a look at it.

“NO, I WANT TO SEE IT.” I grab her forearm. “Please…?” I soften my voice seeing her puzzled expression. So much for avoiding deranged behavior.

“She was like seventeen when it was taken, it’s the yearbook photo from her senior year I guess.” she hands it to me.

I don’t know what I was expecting or if I was expecting anything at all but one thing I know: I wasn’t prepared for THIS. Judy mentioned she was blond and had blue eyes and normally, I would pair this combo with a Barbie-type girl in my imagination. But she’s everything but a Barbie-doll, her clear, shining, honest eyes stare into the camera with some cautiousness but if you examine her face carefully enough, you can discover hints of impishness playing around her lips and those tiny freckles around her nose and her skin that was still wearing the last kiss of late summer sun when the picture was taken… Jesus ‘Cready, you’re not a poet, you’re not even sane. Yes, I must have lost my mind, I’m hearing music in my head… “Drea-ea-ea-eam, dream, dream, dream…”

“Mike… Mike… Miiiike…” I find myself in the reality again when Karrie snaps a couple times with her fingers in front of my face. And I realize I didn’t grow a DJ in my mind, the song of Everly Brothers is actually playing in the bar.

“I take this now back, I found another one.” Karrie has to basically disentangle my clenched, grabby fingers from the photo but my eyes are still glued to the face in it, greedily collecting the tiniest details until it disappears in the wallet. “Here.” she pushes the other picture in front of me. “It’s from last year, I think, her hair is curlier here but that’s her natural look, she doesn’t have it straightened too often.”

The second photo gives that human tornado, that young woman clearly back whom I’ve imagined so many times since that very phone call and of whom now I know that she’s officially out of my league. It’s definitively confirmed, not that I had any chance to meet her in real life or at least talk to her again…

“You know what? You should consider talking with her about it. I think she’d understand it better than any of us.” Karrie remarks casually while sliding the pictures back into their place.

Oh. Yes. Sure. Why not call this angel to tell her I’m a disgusting pig who doesn’t have the slightest control over his metabolism, lets out disgusting sounds involuntarily and shits in his pants at least once in a week. Yes, that’s something I would totally chat with her about…

“It’s just an idea, I’m sure Judy would help you find a way to get in contact with her… of course, only if you want to…”

“Houston, we have a problem… Karrie… there’s a situation… we need you…” Scully basically falls into the room breathlessly.

“Jesus, what happened?” she jumps up terrified.

“It’s Judy… you should go after her…” he gasps pressing his hand against his right side. “I’ll tell you on the way…”

“Sorry Mike, we’ll talk about it later…” she shouts back on leaving.

At least my interrogation is over and I can spend some time alone since the others seem to be busy with that “situation”, whatever it is… Maybe I could practice pool tricks, I still haven’t given up my goal to beat Stone at least once in this lifetime. Even if we aren’t playing against each other, he keeps bothering me with his sarcastic comments and doesn’t let me try things in my own way, I can’t really improve my pool skills when he’s around.

After playing a few rounds against myself and winning, of course, I realize the pains have almost gone… It’s so weird, you immediately notice discomfort but you’re always unaware of the lack of it for a while, especially if you manage to direct your thoughts on something else. I guess I should look for the others, I hope Judy’s okay…

“Sorry” an unknown female voice addresses me with a short cough “have you got light?”

***

„So… what’s the plan?” Dave asks leaning on the counter with his elbows facing towards the tables.

“What plan?” I ask back positioning myself in the same way to be able to take a look around.

“For the evening… with the ladies.” he winks meaningfully.

“I don’t know… I guess we’re just hanging out. But why are you asking me? It is you and Jeff who are allowed to have any plans with any ladies… I have a beautiful girlfriend at home, remember…” I answer and I feel my lips pulling in a wide grin; I can’t help, I’ve developed this instant reaction that occurs whenever my gorgeous blondie is on my mind.

“How could I forget… you’d never miss an opportunity to rub this fact in our face. Anyway, Jeff doesn’t seem to be interested in them either, for obvious reasons…”

I squint at the pinball machine where the two second fiddles whose names I’m simply unable to recall are trying to break their personal records. I don’t really get why they think screaming helps them keep the ball on the play field but at least they prevent Jeff from falling asleep; he’s suppressing one yawn after another while stealing glances alternately at the basketball match on the TV screen and the table around which Scully, the slightly deranged leader of the girl bunch and our pocket-sized roadie are having an apparently deep conversation.

“He shouldn’t torture himself, his obvious reason doesn’t give a fuck about his awkward performance.”

“You can never know. Maybe she ignores intentionally that he’s ignoring her intentionally. But I guess you’re happy about it, the super professional band leader who’s against within-band hook-ups…”

“You know my opinion…” I shrug. “Just think about Fleetwood Mac and what happened to them.”

“Uhm, they became a world-famous top rock band?”

“You’re right! Come with me in the restroom, NOW!”

We both burst out in a dirty, tipsy laughter and it takes a few minutes until we calm down enough to be able to speak again.

“So, what are your plans?” I nudge him still shaking of warm-down snorts from time to time.

“I guess if the dynamics don’t change very quickly in the opposite direction, Jeff will vanish in less than ten minutes… and I’ll have to sacrifice myself and keep both chick entertained in the rest of the evening. But I don’t mind, they’re both cute.” Dave takes a sip of his beer wiggling his eyebrows satisfied.

“Both chick? What about… Caledonia?” I nod towards the black-haired alpha female of the trio.

“Her name is Claudia, geez man, you’re hopeless… but no, thanks, her behavior reminds me of that psycho woman in Fatal Attraction too much.” he frowns. “Stoney, be a man and do what you gotta do.”

“…which is…? Jesus, I’m not interested in any random girl I encounter and as you said, she’s totally insane, while we were dancing…”

“… while she was dancing…”

“… I felt as if I had been caught by a boa constrictor that was squeezing me tighter and tighter and I swear, it must have been an extended, super long version of Hot Stuff, I thought it would never end, like, it was at least three minutes longer than usual…” I go on since I’m not willing to react to his undisguised reference to my dance talent.

“Just go back to her, have a polite chat with her and say bye in half an hour… maybe I can keep Jeff here and you can use each other as excuse for leaving. I’ll be here and keep an eye on you and in case she gets out of control, I call the local herpers to catch her.” Dave presents his concept about the strategy I should follow.

“Herpers against herpes, it sounds like the name of some non-profit organization... Okay, approved but if I start yelling “red code”, you launch the rescue operation, that’s the signal.”

“Just go finally, the sooner you begin, the earlier you can get out of here.”

I grab my beer and walk to the small company around the table but as soon as I arrive, all its members fall suddenly silent.

“What’s up, Scully? Hi Claudia.” I greet them and get a dark look from the third person whom I’m trying to ignore to get away with the situation as simply as possible.

“Scully… what kind of name is that at all?” Claudia mutters listlessly; for some unknown reason her energetic behavior has gone; she’s playing with her hair bored leaning her face against her palm.

“There are some who call me… Tim.” Scully uses the occasion to crack a Monty Python joke.

“Tim the Enchanter.” I finish the quote basically swallowing the last syllable since I hear the other girl uttering the same words simultaneously.

“Is that some inside joke of yours?” Claudia mumbles unwillingly.

“Kind of.” I answer in the same style. “But his real name is Timothy, that’s the truth.”

“Anyway, these weird nicknames are pretty common in your crew. Scully… Stone… I wonder how you got this one.” she goes on in a monotonous voice. It’s strange, she doesn’t sound like someone who feels like having a conversation at all. Maybe she’s that depressed type of drunk.

“Guess what: from his parents.” the annoying little smartass answers instead of me raising one eyebrow.

“Oh, really? Your name is almost as bizarre as you.”

What. The. Actual. Fuck. I don’t mind if she spares me an uncomfortable talk and leaves me alone before I would ditch her but why is this turnaround?

“Judy, you promised you were going to play foosball with me! Come, the tables are finally free!” Scully jumps to his feet pulling his colleague by her hand.

“What? I didn’t promise anything, I…”

“Come on, you have a mind like a sieve, of course you did! We could invite the others too and you could teach us those mind-blowing tricks!” he drags her enthusiastically in the direction of the foosball tables; she seemingly protests a little but finally gives in and follows him reluctantly.

“Uhm… I hate to admit but she’s a first-class player.” I speak up with a sentence I didn’t want to say at all but the urge to break the awkward silence was strong enough that my mind forgot to look for better topics.

“Wow.”

Gosh, I’ll need anti-depressants, if she goes on like this.

“I everything okay?” I try to look in her eyes. “I mean… you seemed to have fun when you came over, you even danced… but now… I mean, if it’s a private thing, you don’t have to answer…”

“Stone… you are a really nice guy and all, handsome, actually funny but… I don’t think we would match.”

Thank God. But something I can’t explain makes me ask for the reason instead of confessing I’m not available anyway.

“Oh. I see. And… what makes you think we’re too different?”

“I don’t know… there are just so many antagonistic characteristics… For example, I don’t like animals. I mean, I just can’t get on well with them, I don’t even like watching documentaries on them.”

“I love them, I have a cat called Red and I love dogs too, my family has always had dogs. But I know there are people who feel strange when animals are around, I’m okay with that… what else?” I inquire; the suspicious feeling keeps telling me something’s not okay here, something’s FUCKIN’ not okay here. Maybe if I ask further questions, I get closer to the reason of her behavior.

“I don’t eat red meat at all.”

“Haha, then we have something in common. I have vegetarian phases from time to time and I’m right in the middle of one. I have nothing against meat but I only consume them at special occasions.”

“But that’s the point, I hate these special occasions!” she blurts out passionately. “And I loathe even the smell of beef, let alone touching it.”

“I repeat, I can live without it.” I laugh. “And… your concern about differences is really sweet but I have to tell you something: I have a girlfriend at home, we’ve been together for months so…”

“I know! And you’re so lucky to have someone who accepts you the way you are, even if your taste is everything but ordinary and…”

Let’s wait for a second… how does she know about Amber? And what’s this babbling about my quirky style? And what was this madness about animals and meat? My mind switches to replay mode and I try to recall the moments of the evening double-time… I see ourselves arriving, them coming to our table, us dancing to the fast-forward version of Hot Stuff, them disappearing in the restroom, them getting back from the restroom and joining Scully and J…STOP! Her. That. Little. Shit. It could be only her. She must have said something about me, something crazy shit, because that’s what she’s doing all the time, she tries to turn everybody against me and ruin my reputation and… Okay, first I have to get rid of Claudia, it’s not her fault, after all.

“Thanks for saying that, it’s very nice from you. And I’m sure, sooner or later you’ll find a guy who really fits you. I hope I didn’t hurt you but I don’t really like to talk about my private life. But I guess my friends enlightened you about the details to avoid misunderstandings…” I squint at her playing the gentle refusal routine. If my presumption is correct, it’ll turn out here and now.

“Oh yes!” she jumps on my words immediately. “Judy told me everything. She cares about you a lot, she’s such a good friend!”

“She is.” A good friend of cheap tricks and pretended innocence. But she’ll pay for this. “Her problems are usually similar to mine so we are pretty much on the same wavelength.” Whatever it is, I throw the shit back at that viper. “But this is so awkward and I don’t want to waste your time so… I wish you all the best and good luck with guys!” I stand up already thinking about medieval methods of torment I would gladly try on that two-faced dwarf.

“Thanks… and be happy with that lucky girl!” she sends a saddish smile and I feel guilty for a second for leaving her alone right when she stopped playing the role of the tempting seductress. But while I’m walking to the foosball tables, my thoughts are going back to my unfinished business with that hypocrite, mean…

“No, Scully, the point is in the right angle, look, I don’t shoot the ball until… hey, Scully, you’re not even watching… oh.” she suddenly falls silent and flushes as she follows the gaze of the pale, petrified guitar tech in my direction as I arrive to them. He was obviously trying to save her ass but I don’t blame him, he hates fights, he probably feels being between two fires.

“You know what? I’m also dying to learn more about your little tricks.” I stop at the foosball table with folded arms.

“Oh my God, I love tricks.” Claudia’s enthusiastic friend chirps from the other side of the table. “What? I do love them!” she whines not decoding the strict face the third member of their bunch sends at her after nudging her to finally shut up.

“S-sure, I gladly show them to you too…” the manipulative little beast stutters.

“Face-to-face.” I cut her off in my coldest voice and I can basically hear how hard she just swallowed.

“Ugh… let’s look for Jeff and Dave.” Scully steers the two confused, reluctant friends of Claudia out of range basically tossing them towards the bar counter.

“So, what do you want to know?” she asks almost cheerfully; what an acting performance.

“Oh, I want to know a lot of things… if aliens exist… where the other half of my favorite pair of socks might be… what’s the equivalent of blushing at chameleons… why Claudia suddenly started treating me as if I was a leper…”

“They do. Probably in Jeff’s suitcase. You can’t embarrass a reptile. Maybe she has finally seen the light…” she lists her answers shrugging nonchalantly. “But I guess it’s a relief for you, so we’re happy now, huh?”

“It depends. I wonder if someone helped her out with some useful information about me…”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about… not that it matters as for the result…” she starts spinning the sticks in the table for no reason, since no one else is around, it’s probably just a pathetic excuse for avoiding eye contact.

“You know, I like to decide on my own with whom I want to spend my time.”

“Do you absolutely exclude the possibility of other people feeling the same way? What if she just didn’t enjoy your company?”

“That’s not impossible but the marvelous change in her behavior makes me think something happened either in the restroom or at the table… and guess what? You were there the whole time too.”

“Are you stalking me? Jesus, should I have reported what I was doing at the loo? And I’m even sitting at tables, holy shit, that’s a federal crime.”

“She herself told you on. I haven’t figured out yet what you told her but I know Scully like the back of my hand; he’s obviously trying to cover for you but keeping secret and acting aren’t his strengths. Sooo… you can play dumb but it’ll take me less than two minutes to get everything out of him.”

Her hands stop fidgeting in the second she realizes there’s no point in denying.

“If you’re convinced that much, then why are you asking me? Just execute me here and now…” she stretches out her arms playing the role of the innocent, targeted victim.

“Nah, you can’t get away with it so easily. I wanna know why you did what you did.” I stand in her way since I can see her eyes mapping the possible escapes.

“Why do you want to know why I did what you think I did?” she asks back still keeping the poker face. She still thinks she can win, unbelievable.

“Well… it’s just interesting. Jeff and Dave danced with those girls too but as far as I can see, their popularity hasn’t decreased, I wonder why…” I turn around for a second and nod towards our table where the guys are laughing hard at something with Scully and Claudia’s friends, Claudia seems to have been vanished in the meantime, though.

“Because they don’t have girlfriends...” she remarks earnestly staring at them, not even noticing she broke the character.

“So that’s it? That’s why you did it? You think I can’t even look at other girls since I’m not single?”

“You just shouldn’t. I mean, you found a girl who meets your special needs, you wouldn’t have such luck once again in this lifetime.” she sits back on the high horse again.

“What special needs?” I ask eagerly hoping I can finally put the whole picture together.

“I don’t know, four boobs, tiny brain, large bed, I guess…” she goes on with the bullshit.

“That’s you theory about my needs? Wonderful… So you think I would have cheated on my girlfriend without your machination?” I raise my voice.

“I didn’t say that…”

“Did I kiss her?”

“You didn’t but…”

“Did I hug her?”

“You didn’t but…”

“Did I grope her?”

“You didn’t but…”

“Then what the fuck did I do that bothered your sensitive soul so much that you dared intervene in my business?” I lean over her making her back away.

“You laughed and…”

“What?” I scream. “You think me laughing with someone wearing skirt makes you entitled for shit-talking? You’re insane. You know what? You can play the self-proclaimed moral police of the crew or Seattle or the whole fuckin’ universe, I don’t give a fuck. Just leave. Me. Alone. Mind your own love life. Oh, wait? You don’t have one? Maybe that’s the problem?” I cover my mouth with my palm pretending shock.

“Screw you, Gossard.” she whispers hoarsely and tosses me away with her shoulder rushing past me.

***

I catch her at the entrance, in front of the building. Scully was right, she seems to be pretty upset.

“Shit, shit, SHIT!!!” she shouts emphasizing the last “shit” by kicking at full strength in the dumpster standing on the side of the road. “Fuck, fuck, FUCK!” she bounces with painful groans on one leg until she almost loses her balance and limps back to plop down onto the curb.

“I heard that Converse was planning to launch steel toe sneakers, first I thought the brand managers were tripping on something but seeing you it totally makes sense.” I remark as I take place next to her with the moves and in the pace of a seventy-year-old woman; this position is anything but comfortable for my permanently aching knee.

“Ha, very funny. I should have kicked him in the balls. With steel toe boots…” she mumbles taking her foot in her lap. “I hope I didn’t break my big toe.” she tries to make a diagnosis by palpation.

“If I’m not wrong, you’re talking about the genitalia of Stone Carpenter Gossard.”

To my biggest surprise, it’s not the anatomical term that catches her attention.

“What? Carpenter?” she asks snickering but she also wipes out an involuntary teardrop with the back of her hand from the corner of her eye in the meantime. Whatever happened, it must have actually hurt.

“Yes, that’s his middle name. But: you didn’t hear it from me. And, I know the temptation is huge but try to keep this information until you can use it with cool head.”

“I’m as cold as an icicle.” she sniffles bitterly.

“As a melting icicle.” I stop a next teardrop rolling down on her face with my thumb. “Come on, what happened?”

“Nothing. I’m just so sick of it. So sick of him.”

“What has he done?”

“You mean apart from getting addicted to oxygen twenty-something years ago?”

“Did he say something?” I ignore her sarcastic response.

She laces her arms around her knees and begins to examine her shoes.

“Did he do something?”

She insists on remaining silent and resists my interrogation pretending the patterns on her socks require all her attention.

“Or didn’t he say or do something? That’s the problem? Look, I don’t have to care about your childish quarrel. I just wanted to check if you’re okay since Scully was worried about you. But frankly, maybe too many people are already busy with trying to keep your war over sandbox toys under control.”

“You could finally decide on whose side you are…”

“Obviously on Stone’s. But it has practical reasons, Mike mentioned once he had drunk expired beer during a gig with his previous band and he’d vomited in the amplifier…” I try to ease the tension. “But Jesus, Judy, joke aside, I’m on nobody’s side, of course. I’m just trying to help but if I don’t know what happened, I can’t. And I’m helpless since believe or not, I know he’s a really great guy and I also know you’re an awesome chick and honestly, I have no clue why your arrival has turned him completely inside out.”

“So it’s my fault.”

“I didn’t say that.”

“I’m just… so sick of him.”

“You’ve already said that.” I fish a tissue out of my pocket and hand her so that she doesn’t use her forearm to clean her nose.

“You know… he’s not the first smug prick I have to deal with, I met enough of them at Juilliard… but usually, I just ignored them.”

“Then why don’t you ignore him too?” I ask although I know there are several reasons that make this idea extremely difficult.

“I’m not in the position in which I could pretend he’s invisible. And inaudible. I mean, letting it slide sounds like a way that could be even effective, maybe he would get tired of torturing me after a while… but it’s not like high school bullying, I don’t have years to get rid of him, at least you have a glimmer of hope every year there that maybe the bullies find a new victim in the freshman class… But… despite what this whole situation looks like, this is the adult world. This is my job, the management is my employer and if the band is not satisfied with me, I’m going to be fired.”

“But they are satisfied with you…”

Her disbelieving expression makes me correct my sentence.

“They are not dissatisfied with you…”

“Stone is. And he’s the leader and main songwriter of the band so if it came to a dealbreaker… guess who would draw the short straw.”

“Who talks about a dealbreaker? At this point, you’re my trainee. You’re under my protection.”

“And you know what’s the most irritating part? That I’m trying, I’m really trying… I do everything to fulfil his wishes…”

“…which are often ridiculous, let’s be honest. I mean, he’s an immensely talented musician but he… all of them have to learn that being loud and raw isn’t the most important thing…”

“Exactly… I just want to turn up the volume until his monitor box explodes and then just shrug, like “you wanted this, fucker”.“ we both giggle recalling the awkward moments and the looks we exchanged at sound checks. “But what’s your strategy? How can you convince him?”

“Well… I don’t try to convince him with explicit arguments… somehow I learned how to make him believe that my suggestion was originally his idea.”

“Clever… but ah, I couldn’t make it… he disagrees with everything I come up with… it’s like an innate reflex at him.”

“Aaand you’ve just caught the point!” I snap with my fingers.

“…which is… that it’s a reflex and he can’t help it?” she frowns.

“No, the other thing you said… he disagrees with everything that comes from you.”

“…aaand…?” her hands circling around each other urge me for getting straight to the point. “Yes, I’m the problem, I know, there’s nothing new in that.”

“NO! And actually… I’d rather keep you in the dark about it. Namely, we’ve got a plan.”

Two plans actually, in case plan A doesn’t work…

“We? You and…?”

“Schmitty, Brett and Scully. None of them is particularly good at keeping secret but this time they are holding on, I’m very proud of them. But as far as I know you, you’d ruin everything if you knew the details.”

“I can’t wait… if it doesn’t involve a pair of dirty, stinky socks getting stuffed into Stone’s mouth, I’m not interested in it, anyway… whatever… sorry for being skeptical, the guy is smart, he smells plans and tricks from miles… and even if he doesn’t, he ruins your self-esteem and drives you into series of mistakes and then” she claps suddenly making me start ”he gets you and makes fun of you.”

“You don’t need to exaggerate, he’s not Satan itself…”

“Are you sure?” she narrows her eyes meaningfully. “I had finally gained some confidence by the time I graduated from Juilliard, I mean, I finally believed that being admitted and receiving a degree there meant I could really… achieve something… and now... I feel like I’m at the start again.”

“The situation is certainly out of your comfort zone… but you came from a different world… and his world is strange for you too and…”

“If it was only about this!” she cuts me off. “He’s mocking me permanently, at everything. Everything. Like in elementary school, he makes remarks about my look, my dresses…”

“But you mock him back!”

“… my love… life…” she goes on in a thinner voice. “Or… rather the lack of it. Rude remarks.”

Whoa, that’s new. Obviously, I’ve heard him cracking jokes about her innocent look and Jeff’s admiration for her that he rather disapproved than encouraged, by the way… but he hadn’t humiliated her publicly only for being single… I need a context.

“What did he say exactly?”

“He told me not to put my nose into other people’s business… and that I should to stay away from his private life and insulted me by saying I didn’t even have a love interest…” she recalls in a bored voice like she was reciting a textbook.

“That doesn’t make any sense… what happened before?” I inquire. Something tells me that’s only the second half of the story…

“We had sort of a… disagreement.”

“You don’t say…” I squint at her. “Come on, don’t make me pull everything out of you word by word!”

“Can I have a cigarette?” she asks out of the blue.

“But you don’t even smoke!” I protest.

“Do you want me to go on or not? Just give me a cigarette, please.”

“Oookaaay…” I hand her the pack with my lighter in it.

“So… there were those girls who showed up in the bar… they sat down to the guys’ table…” she begins as she hits the pack with her index finger a few times to set a cigarette free.

“Yes, I saw them, they even danced with them, it was hilarious!” I giggle. Honestly, not only the recall of the scene cracks me up, her fumbling with the lighter is hysterical too.

“One of them… Claudia… she hit on him. I mean, on Stone.” she utters with disgust as she succeeds in lighting the cigarette for about the sixteenth attempt.

“Oh yeah… she seemed pretty pushy.”

“Pushy is not the right term, she was just shameless! I encountered her in the restroom, she started asking questions about him, you know, if he’s single, what kind of girls he liked, stuff like that. And I… ahem… I told… ahem-ahem… I told her… ahem… I told he had a girlfriend ahem-ahem-ahem-ahem…”

Even the first drag drives her on the verge of choking.

“Are you sure you want to smoke it?”

“Yes, I am… ahem… I’m okay… I’m just… ahem. Okay. I think it’s over.” her breathing calms down finally. “So” she takes another drag, a perceptibly more cautious one “long story short, she didn’t even care… and that asshole didn’t even resist.”

“I didn’t see him reciprocating her approach… What should he have resisted?”

“Everything? OUCH!!!”

Due to her outraged hand moves, she managed to drop the ash onto her forearm.

“Okay, you give that to me…” I grab her by the wrist and take the cigarette between my own middle and index finger. “When you’re smoking, you have to ash it regularly to avoid accidents like this. It also burns while you’re talking, just sayin’…”

“Damn… but it’d feel really good to hold a cigarette in my hand while I’m flailing…” she whines still rubbing her forearm.”

“Here. But don’t even try to light it. We can pretend you’re smoking it. Go on.” I hand her a fresh cigarette and begin to puff the one I confiscated.

“And I got just… so angry! I mean, how can one be such a slut?” she gestures on with wider moves.

“Well, a lot of girls just want to have fun and…”

“No, I’m talking about him! He’s got a girlfriend… who must be beautiful and smart and perfect and… “

“Wait, you don’t know anything about her…”

“That’s true but guys like him obviously wouldn’t date any girl…”

I’m dying to know what she means by “guys like him” but maybe this is not the right moment to ask it straightforwardly…

“But he didn’t do anything particular with that girl…” I try to defend him effortlessly.

“Were you there too? Because I was. And trust me, without my intervention, a lot more would have happened…”

“Wait, your intervention?” I perk my head but receive no response. “Judy??? What did you do?”

“I… I might have said her a few things… about Stone…” she confesses with burning cheeks.

“Things like…???” I claim a detailed explanation. Maybe she’s not as innocent this time as I thought…

“I told her things about… what he likes…” she answers reluctantly.

“Like beer or dogs or disco music or what the hell? Tell me the whole fuckin’ story or I leave, I swear!” I flare out at her.

“Things… he likes in… bed…”

Oh. The idea of Judy disclosing Stone’s bedroom secrets sounds dangerous enough to make me choose my words wisely.

“But you… you don’t know what kind of sex he likes… do you?”

“Jesus, of course I don’t, I don’t even want to think about the fact that that freak has sex at all! Jesus… not even in my worst nightmares…” she rolls her eyes staring in front of her.

“But then… how did you know…”

“I… used my… imagination…” she sums up with a brief shrug.

I’ve never heard a more euphemistic synonym for lying. “I used my imagination…” Wicked woman.

“Oh my… and what was your intention with that?”

“To make her reconsider her choice… and to defend Stone from her… you know, I wanted to help him getting out of this situation, guys just never have the strength... I basically did him a favor!”

Of course, Judy helping Stone. I could even imagine it but strictly only after the arrival of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse.

“Thinking back about the beginning of our conversation, he couldn’t be particularly grateful for the helping hand…”

“Well, the thing is that the nature of our relationship sort of… influenced my word usage…”

“Judy, I’ve known you since your birth, you don’t need to use vague sentences… just tell what you told her finally!”

“I told her he liked watching animals, I might have mentioned mating animals. For example, watching David Attenborough video tapes before he…”

“I get it, I get it… but that’s not that extreme, thank God you didn’t say he liked animal porn in which people do it with animals…”

“Maybe I mentioned further preferences too… maybe I said something about him liking eating from the girl’s body…”

“That can even be hot, a lot of people are into it, that’s not that bad at all, Judy…” I snicker.

“…unusual food… like bloody steak with Worcestershire sauce… with knife and fork…”

I immediately stop giggling and freeze because I have the sinister feeling she still has something to confess.

“Uhm… I thought you were talking about potentially erotic food like strawberry and whipped cream but in case the girl likes steak too…”

“…and it’s possible I said things about his… performance too…”

“Oh, no.”

“I remember mentioning… he needs, uhm, special actions to become… motivated.” she fidgets with her shoelaces absent-mindedly, wrapping them around her index fingers.

“Okay, whatever, go ahead, I’m prepared.” I cover my eyes with my hands as if they could prevent me from visualizing her bizarre ideas.

“As far as I can recall… I claimed his main turn-on was watching the girl doing her business…”

“You mean doing the business? Like… pleasing… herself?” I ask back since don’t want to believe what I heard.

“I said doing her business… on the toilet…” she repeats with a miserably groan, reddening and avoiding my gaze.

“Judy… you know I’m always ready to defend you from anything or anybody but… it’s no wonder Stone attacked you again.”

“No wonder? He deserved it! After all that bitching…”

“He deserved it? Helping hand, of course… you basically humiliated him in front of a girl!” I scold her trying to keep a serious face, which is not easy at all.

“Do you think I went too far?” she asks innocently with sincere concern. For a second, she turns back into the ten-year-old version of herself who was scared of everything and everyone and it costs me a lot of restraint not to hug her. “Anyway… thinking back… it was so funny, you should have seen the girl’s face.”

I admit, this is the most hilarious shit I’ve heard in the last few years and Stone does deserve some payback from time to time but I don’t want to confirm her behavior. I’m sticking on my plan about getting them to make up or at least to normalize their relationship.

“Judy…” I begin with a deep sigh “Most guys are very sensitive as for their masculinity and sexual abilities, even if they are not typical machos. When they are joking about themselves – that’s okay, a guy with a healthy amount of self-irony is usually considered funny or even attractive. If another guy teases them with sexual topics – they just fire back, with words or their fist. But if it’s a girl who makes fun of their performance – they just freak out, they can’t hit you, they can’t assert they are sex gods either, their only way to defend themselves is attacking back verbally and they try to be at least as rude as you were. Or even ruder.”

“Oh, please, Karrie, I don’t need to be lectured on the psychology of men. He didn’t even know what I said exactly, he wasn’t there of course.”

“But it was you who said he’s smart, he probably figured out the point of it, the chick didn’t seem to be a rocket scientist and she probably didn’t even realize she got in the middle of your death match…”

“Or he was just taking shots in the dark and had luck. Scully was there and Stone was about to torment him so that he would tell him everything word by word… poor dude… So everything will turn out, anyway. By the way, Stone immediately thinking that I’m the potential reason of him being refused by a girl is insulting but also flattering at the same time…”

“Judy, I’ve never denied that it’s pretty difficult to bear Stone’s remarks without saying a word. But getting a taste of his own medicine only gets him fired up all the more, he always wants to have the last word, he’s simply just like that. And if you want to be the quicker one and make his jaw really drop, you have to get your shit together. But to be honest, I’d be happier if you’d keep your quarrels on the level of innocent teasing…”

“It was already everything but innocent in that very moment he heard my name for the first time. It didn’t depend on me, it’s all his fault and he has to face the music at least once his lifetime!” she declares determined.

I better activate plan A as fast as possible before someone gets killed.

***

I can’t wait this terrible day finally come to an end. I just want to take a shower and have some sleep… but I don’t even know how I could get myself to close my eyes, this place is a mess. What if cockroaches come out of their hideouts in the second I turn off the lights? But I’m so tired… what if I asked the driver to open the tour bus for me? Sleeping in the bunk bed sounds definitely safer… but what if he’s already sleeping? I don’t even know his room number and the reception desk was empty too; I don’t feel like looking for the staff in this haunted house. I better start with a shower, it always helps clear my mind. I’m so busy with my own thoughts that I basically bump into Beth in the hallway who’s walking sleepily towards their room; she must be coming from the shower judging from her wet hair.

“Already back here? It wasn’t a long evening…” she mutters in a tired voice.

“I’ve had enough of it. Is everything okay?” I examine her resigned face.

“Yes… uhm… Ed was typing lyrics the whole evening and then he passed out… so I had a shower and I’m about to go to bed too.” she rubs her eyes. “Carefully with the water tap, I almost scalded myself due to that crap. It’s better to wait at least thirty seconds before standing under the water and be careful when you try to change the temperature, there’s not much transition between ice cold and scalding hot, I had to mess around a lot until I could find the optimal level.”

“If I can’t work it out, I’ll just shower with cold water, that wouldn’t be the first time.” I wave.

“Ugh, if you’re a masochist…”

“It’s not the most pleasant thing I can imagine but at least it’s not dangerous either. It can be even refreshing sometimes.”

“Oookay… as you want... And there are no hooks in the shower either, by the way. But no bugs there so far either… Good night!” she pats my shoulder with almost closed eyes and totters to their door.

As I unlock the door of our room, I reach in with one arm to turn on the light and wait for a few seconds before entering; I don’t want to see my little roommates running in the corners. I lift the blanket on my bed only to realize the bedclothes aren’t the cleanest and there’s no towel prepared for the guests. Thank goodness I didn’t listen to Effie when she tried to dissuade me from bringing my own one; she claimed hotels always offer towels and travel-size personal care products… So much for Effie’s assumptions. Of course I also brought my toiletry bag decorated with treble keys and musical notes containing small bottles of shower gel, body lotion, a tiny tube of toothpaste and… due to the foresight of Effie, my “emergency package” now includes also gratuitous amount of condoms that stare at me accusingly every time I unzip it. I decide to leave my clothes in the room since I don’t like when there’s no place where I could arrange them properly, I don’t want my sleeping shirt and boxers to get wet either. There’s no living soul here, no one would see me walking a few meters only wearing a towel…

But when I pull it out of my backpack, I realize there’s one thing I didn’t take into account: I brought a smaller towel to spare place for other clothes. As I wrap it around my body, I have to trick for a while until I can arrange it in a way that it covers both my chest and my backside at the same time. Since it’s not only narrow but also short, I can forget the ordinary method of walking, I can basically only waddle pressing both arms tight to my body without exposing anything. I try to exercise this ridiculous way of moving pacing back and forth between the two sides of the room a few times and I end up sitting back on the bed hesitating if I should dress up again. I’m at a public place, after all. But fuck it, I’m tired, I had tequila and this day can’t get any worse, anyway. I peek out to the hallway to make sure I won’t get unexpected company and I set off to cover the longest twenty meters in my life. In duckwalk. But my bravery pays off, I encounter no one so on entering the shower, I finally allow myself to relax.

I put the toiletry bag on the classroom chair in front of the sinks in the forefront and fish out the shower gel bottle. I leave my glasses on the bag and head towards the innermost compartments. I decide to hang my towel on the wall separating the opposite compartments and after turning on the water, immediately jump backwards to safe distance. Beth’s advice on the adjustment proves to be useful and a few minutes later, I’m already enjoying the pleasant, warm water. Of course I brought my favorite, rough sponge too, it always helps refresh my blood circulation.

I catch myself rubbing my body stronger and stronger as I involuntarily recall tonight’s events. What a prick. Of course he deserved everything, I don’t have to feel ashamed about anything. It was him who looked for trouble. His girlfriend would have felt terrible, if she’d seen that disgusting scene so I did the right thing. His huge ego just can’t accept, this time someone was smarter than him. It’s so pathetic when a man needs this cheap kind of confirmation to feel his masculinity ensured. But come on, Stone Gossard’s name referred in connection with manliness and masculinity is the most ridiculous idea in the world, he’s got the body and mind of a thirteen-year-old.

I turn off the water and spill a few drops of shower gel into my palm but as soon I touch my shoulder with it, I hear a noise. A squeaky noise. A squeaky noise of an opening door. Oh no. No, no, no. The smacking sound of slippers on the tiled floor leaves no doubts that I have a visitor and the lazy, shuffling steps are approaching. I pull in the corner and don’t even dare breathe, I’m shivering but not only of cold, shit, what if it’s a stranger? What if it’s a man? What if I make some noise only with my mere existence? I got trapped here naked and… The sound of steps ceases and the water starts running right in the shower cubicle next to mine. Luckily, the wall is high enough to hide me although I can’t check the other person without revealing my presence either. A few seconds have gone by when humming gets mixed into the sound of water… Oh shit, it’s a male voice. The humming slowly turns into singing and my blood runs cold when I realize: I know this nasal bleat.

“If you didn’t come to party, don’t bother knockin’ on my door…”

#pearl jam fanfiction #fanfiction #PearlJamfanfic #eddie vedder #stone gossard #MikeMcCready #jeff ament #dave abbruzzese

12 notes · View notes

shirtlesssammy · 5 years

Text

9x20: Bloodlines

Here we go with this episode. I’ve watched this a total of one (1) time over the years. I feel the only important scene is the one that word for word copies Dean and Cas but that’s been giffed to death so I feel like I’ve seen it all.

A couple at a swanky restaurant are enjoying each other’s company when “Ross” steps away briefly. He meets with someone and asks that he place an engagement ring in a glass of champagne. (“How unique” —ha, my thoughts exactly.) The other dude is greeted by more people —one of which has a funny face in the mirror.

The other dude and the other other dudes go to a secret nightclub room where monsters clearly hang out. (Vibes of John Wick here.) Julien, a werewolf, tells the shapeshifter to leave. They start to fight but others hold them off. Just then the lights go out and a hooded assassin starts taking out every monster in the room.

Ross and Tamara leave the restaurant. He takes her to a ferry —where they first met— and starts to propose. The shapeshifter comes running to them and the assailant is right behind him. The assailant knocks Tamara against the wall and she falls to the ground. He then finishes off the shapeshifter and runs away. And Tamara is dead (oof, I have no time for this fridging nonsense. Andrew Dabb wrote this but was this his show? Was this his idea? I should probably head over the the Superwiki someday and read about the history of this episode.)

A professor at North Chicago University runs into a student. She wasn’t expecting him. He takes some files from his computer and shifts into David Lassiter, math final cheater.

Margo tells David to come home. Sal is dead.

Ross meanwhile is getting interrogated by the police. He tells them the truth but they don’t believe him. Ah, Ross is his last name and Nate Ross, his father, was a great cop. The cop continues to give him crap until the FBI arrive. The agents want to talk about what happened but Ennis is wary. These are special agents though so he spills his story. They tell the kid that there’s no such thing as monsters (sticking with the Prime Directive this time, Dean? You break it every other episode it seems, lol)

Margo wants to know if the ghouls are with them. Now that her brother is dead, maybe not so much. OH! Sal was the shifter that died at the beginning of the episode (LISTEN, this recap is going to make little sense in the first half, but will improve mightily in the second.) And I guess the unknown assassin was a werewolf.

Margo wants revenge and she’s ready to go to war. She’s in charge now that Sal is dead and their father is dying. David is the wayward son that’s now home. And he wants confirmation that the werewolves did it. She then tells him that Violet, David’s ex, is getting married. She tells him to stay out of the monster business.

Julien, the werewolf, is meeting with a djinn, when Violet interrupts them. She’s broken up over Sal’s death. Julien didn’t do it but he’s not going to let Margo know that.

Ennis comes home from the police station and looks up his dad’s old stuff --including his gun. He heads out to the now empty nightclub. In the dark, he finds goo on the ground. The lights suddenly turn on and he quickly hides behind the bar. The dude from the night before comes in with a mop bucket. He sniffs the air and knows that Ennis is behind the bar. Ennis jumps out and starts shooting, but the gun does nothing. Before the monster can take care of Ennis, he loses his head courtesy of one Dean Winchester. Dean tells him that he can run now —he should run now, but Ennis isn’t going anywhere.

Sam steps in and gives him “the talk”. They then really try to push the idea of staying out of their line of business. Ennis is in it now though and wants to go along to see Sal’s body.

Later, Ennis is researching Sal Lassiter, when there’s a knock at the door. The detective from last night is there. He wants to know more about what Ennis saw. Ennis tells the detective to stick around. His dad will be back soon. When the detective doesn’t confirm that his dad is really dead, Ennis knows he’s a fake. Ennis “texts” his dad but uses the camera to see the detective’s eyes glow (how would he know to look for laser beam eyes??) Ennis lures him into his bedroom and pulls a gun with silver bullets in it on the not-detective. It’s David Lassiter!

David explains that he’s just investigating his brother’s death. He also explains (in a very condescending manner) that Chicago is divided into five monster families. There’s a fragile peace that, if interrupted, would result in lots of dead humans and monsters. (It was at this point in my original watch where I said OH I get it, Chicago = mobsters = monster mobsters. How...inspired.) Ennis offers to slow clap his little speech if he weren’t training a gun on David instead. Don’t worry, Ennis. I’ll slow clap for you. While I’m slow clapping, David gives Ennis the slip and escapes.

Meanwhile, Sam’s saying “So get this” to Dean while they lurk by the Impala. They’re still investigating the monster bar. (Jared and Jensen high five. This episode is a walk in the park.)

Violet slips outside her mansion, all wide-eyed and distraught, and passes a member of the house staff. She tells David to stop pretending to be the help. He shifts back - once again without shedding disgusting skin. Pffffft.

David asks Violet to make her brother chill out on his vengeance quest so the monster families don’t erupt into war. They get upset at each other and we learn that they have a Romeo and Juliet past...except she never showed up for their romantic escape. He single man tears her.

The hooded attacker from earlier drops from the roof and jumps on David, wielding sharp claws. Ennis shoots at the hooded figure, scaring them off, and in the distance Violet screams. Dean and Sam arrive just in time to ask, “What the Hell?” They all scamper off together as security comes pouring out of the house.

From a safe distance away, Dean recaps the “mobster monster” storyline wearily and, yes, Dean is all of us here.

They realize that Violet (the werewolf) can be tracked by her cell.

Violet is tied up and unconscious (and also...standing delicately in stiletto heels with one knee bent prettily? Right). She wakes up to find what looks like a murder wall nearby, covered with photos of kids (or maybe the same kid? I’m bad with faces). The board is also covered with news headlines about terrible maulings.

Hooded dude speaks up. He’s not a “freak,” he’s a human! With goggles! And knives!

On the plus side, look at this shot:

At least the setting’s nice.

The hunting group finds the hooded dude’s lair. David and Ennis forge a fragile peace over their shared loss. Dean breaks up the chick flick moment. It’s time to catch themselves...a human.

Inside, Mr. Hood is lovingly describing his custom knife gloves. He burns Violet and then tells her that his son (the kid on the murder wall) was killed when Sal Lassiter and her brother Julien ripped him apart. He’s going to kill her rather graphically to incite a war between the families. He thinks the monsters will just eradicate each other and...problem solved! Violet promises a ton of collateral human children deaths if there’s a war. Um. Great. Mr. Hood visibly struggles with the plan’s potential outcome.

Dean and Sam split up, each taking one of their new friends as partners. David spots a creepy shadow and runs off on his own, only to get jumped by Mr. Hood.

Cut to Violet and David looking at each other soulfully, both tied up now. Mr. Hood starts to torture David, causing Violet to wolf out. She hulks out of her chains and jumps across the room, pouncing on Mr. Hood. David pulls her back and gets her to de-wolf before she kills Mr. Hood.

Mr. Hood notices Sam, Dean, and Ennis arrive and “apologizes” to Ennis. By apologize, I mean that he tells Ennis that Tamara was “in the way.” Gross. Ennis surveys the scene, then delivers one perfect shot into Mr. Hood, killing him. (Insert commentary about who is the REAL monster - deranged humans or monsters.)

Later, David and Violet stroll through a palatial estate and mull over Sal’s last words. Violet flashes back to the train station where she was supposed to meet Romeo David. She encountered Sal, standing like a mega-dick RIGHT in her way. Sal tells her that David’s on his way, but she’d better skedaddle. They have to keep the (hold please while I VOMIT in my mouth) “bloodline pure.”

Violet scoffs at this. Sal explains his worldview: that Violet running off with his brother will generate a thirst for vengeance and HER family will pursue his family in retribution - for ruining her, I guess. I’m so glad this episode relies on the woman-as-asset idea. SO FUN. Violet can either leave the station or be brutally murdered.

Violet flashes back to the present again where David is STILL talking about that one time he left his organized crime family behind to be a college-student-thief instead of a monster-criminal. Violet declines to explain Sal’s last words but DOES manage to pull David in for a passionate kiss.

Then she walks off dramatically without another word. As one does.

David’s father wakes. He’s on death’s door but he warns David about his sister, Margo.

David explains to Margo that some vengeful yahoo killed Sal and their war is finished. Margo is NOT HAVING IT. Oh, and did he mention that he’s also back in the family? She smiles at David and welcomes him home. I look forward to the horse head in your bed, David. Her nostrils flare as they hug - she’s no doubt smelling Violet. I’m guessing this show would have involved a LOT of dramatic nostril flaring.

Sam and Dean drop Ennis off back at home. We learn that Ennis is all alone - sister and mom aren’t a big part of his life and his dad is dead. (His mom is “out of the picture” so my money’s on: mom got turned into a monster which spurred dad to head off and hunt.)

Dean gets a phone call. It’s Cas! He has a lead on Metatron and they have to act on it. They skip town on the city full of monsters. Sam warns Ennis away from the hunting life. They’ll call in some other hunters to take down the monster mobs instead.

And away they drive with nary another word! Sorry, Ennis, but when the love of your life calls you have to go to him.

Skip to a voiceover: Ennis is going to go to war against the families. He breaks into Mr. Hood’s lair, his almost-fiance’s diamond ring on a chain, and starts learning about monsters. An unknown caller rings...it’s his dad! He warns him away from hunting, then hangs up.

Natasha: I first watched this episode live as a casual viewer and was utterly confused by it. Watching it now, I like the general concept of Ennis on his underdog revenge quest. (I DO watch Supernatural, after all.) But CHUCK SAVE ME from a story about feuding, wealthy families where nobody makes ANY jokes and everybody seems to hate each other.

Ennis, happy hunting! Enjoy your father-issues, I guess.

______________________________

Quotelines

I could go into detail, but I’m not going to.

We shift our shape. It’s all in the name.

What is this, Godfather with fangs?

______________________________

Want to read more? Check out our Recap Archive!

#spn recap #spn rewatch #spn 9x20 #bloodlines #dean winchester #sam winchester #supernatural season 9

28 notes · View notes