#look i just think there’s a lot of ground between ‘ed’s fine now the talent show means he’s fine’ which i am certainly not arguing

[knowlesian]

working on a short post (…maybe? look. anyone following me knows what my version of short looks like, when it comes to media analysis) about why from a structural/implications level, i don’t love the read that ed’s desire to throw a talent show is an indication he needs to be brought down to earth by any means necessary 

(ft why that read also makes that scene between ed and lucius in the blanket fort sort of… narratively atonal in a way that also strips it of the poignance of connection)

[uwu-shinsou]

First,,,, CONGRATS ON 500 BB!! YOU DESERVED IT!! And uhhh if it's not much a bother can I request Shinsou Hitoshi with 6 and 13 (if it's alright! If youre not comfortable with doing it you can do whatever youre comfortable with, I care abt your well being more than the fic that Im requesting) and I dont really uh care if its hc or a drabble or smth cuz im inlove with anything and everything that you make! Again congrats! Have a nice day :))

Title: Whatever You Say

Prompt: Accidental Text, Hate-to-Love

Warning(s): Mild language

Pairing: Shinsou Hitoshi X Gender Neutral!Reader

Genre: Drabble, working through feelings

Word Count: 1.3K

A/N: THANK YOU ISSA!! 🥺💖I’m so glad you requested!! Bc I’m trying to keep these shorter like “drabbles” I had a hard time doing like,, full on hate to love so this is more like resentment to friends with implications of hidden feelings?? AHAHA but uhhh yeah, I hope you all enjoy 🥺and in case you missed it, my last year of college has started, so I will be updating less frequently, but I will still be around and writing and vibing!🤗

500 Event Masterlist

✿ .✿ .✿ .✿ .✿

Oh shit.

You flew down the hall, bursting into Kaminari’s bedroom without knocking. The blonde sat up quickly at your intrusion, but relaxed slightly upon seeing it was you.

“What’s up speed racer?” He joked, folding his legs up to make room for you on the bed. You walked up to the side of the bed, dropping your knees on the edge and falling forward face-down onto the covers.

“I messed up, Denki,” You groaned, rolling over onto your back and staring at the ceiling. “I sent a text to Shinsou-”

He let out a little snort. “Now that’s unusual.”

“Yeah,” You agreed. “Because it was a text that was not meant for him.” 

“It couldn’t have been that bad, right?” He asked, now a little nervous. You couldn’t blame him. You and Kaminari had clicked instantly at the beginning of your first year at U.A., and now you’d pretty much consider him your best friend, and you his. But come the end of first year, with the trial and following announcement that Shinsou Hitoshi, general ed student, would be transfering into the hero course- and more specifically- your class, Kaminari Denki had seemed to collect himself yet another best friend. 

And you had made your first rival.

You hadn’t wanted to. But when you had first heard about Shinsou’s quirk, people couldn’t help but compare it to yours. As long as you maintained skin to skin contact, you could command another person to do anything that you wanted. Paired with your athletic background (which started when you were young, at the insistence of your parents that it’d “prepare you for hero training”) you were clearly the superior “mind control” student. You didn’t understand why another one was needed in the hero course. Wasn’t he just fine being in the general course?

But of course he had to join class 2A, become Aizawa’s favorite, and start to steal the attention of your best friend.

But Kaminari was his own person, and he made his own choices about when he hung out with the two of you. It really wasn’t fair to put him in the middle of your mess of feelings. And even though he was Shinsou’s friend, you knew he would keep your secrets.

You turned onto your side to look at him. “Here just- read this.” You shoved your phone at him. He took it in his hand, his face contorting into a grimace as he read your mistake once, twice, three times.

“...Why the hell did you send him this?” You slapped your hands against your face in embarrassment and despair. He mockingly cleared his throat. “‘Can you believe purple hair beat me in today’s exercise? Why does he have to basically have my quirk? If he wasn’t so hot I’d be really pissed.’” Kaminari let out a whistle. “Wow, now there is a lot to unpack here, hun.”

You winced. “Yeah, that text was supposed to go to Mina, but I mean- fucking hell, I don’t know?” You ran your hands over your face. “I guess I somehow just clicked the wrong contact and instead it went to him! And it’s even worse that he hasn’t responded about it yet.” You’d never outright said to Shinsou that you disliked him, but you had to assume he knew, and felt the same way about you.

“I didn’t know you thought he was hot,” Kaminari said, wiggling his eyebrows. You launched a pillow at him that he ducked. 

“C’mon, anyone with a brain can see that he’s attractive,” You muttered. “It’s the same as Todoroki, or maybe Bakugou if you took away some of the attitude.”

He let out a sigh. “Yeah you’re right.” After a moment of silence he pressed your phone back into your hand. “Anyways, I think the best approach would be to sort it out face to face. Texting can make things too muddled sometimes.”

“Since when did you have so much wisdom?” 

He nudged you with a knee. “Hey, there’s a reason you came running to me.”

“I suppose you’re right.” It’ll probably be really awkward and not fun, but you should try to explain yourself in person.

Which is how you found yourself on the outskirts of the woods by the dorm buildings watching Shinsou workout, your presence still unnoticed as his back was turned to you. Kaminari had directed you here, knowing that his friend often trained here on his own. 

Suddenly he relaxed his stance, speaking without turning around. “What, you got more to say to me than what was in that text?”

You gritted your teeth at his words. What is up with his attitude!? “Yeah, well maybe I do.” You crossed your arms, shifting most of your weight onto one foot.

Shinsou glanced over his shoulder. “Sucks for you, I’m busy.” He reached down to the ground and slung his towel over his shoulder. “Since my quirk is clearly inferior to yours, I need to keep training.” You winced slightly at his words.

“Hey, I never said it like that-”

“Yeah, well you didn’t have to.” He sighed before turning to face you fully. “Look, I get it, you feel like I’m trying to take your spot here at U.A. Well just- don’t worry about it, okay? I’ll stay out of your way.”

As he began walking away, you found yourself stepping after him. “Shinsou, it’s not fair to phrase it that way.”

He stopped and turned to face you once more. “What do you know about ‘not fair’?” Shinsou took a step closer to you. “‘Not fair’ is getting into the general class, only to see someone just like me being praised for their power in the hero course. ‘Not fair’ is working as hard as I can to make my dreams come true, only to find out that I still have to compete against you. ‘Not fair’ is wanting to so desperately hate you for it all, but I can’t. Not when I see your strength, your power, your drive and ambition, and I can’t help but admire it. Admire you.” He let out a soft snort of mock amusement to himself. “I do kind of hate you for that, though.”

You stood there in silence. What do I even say to that? Shinsou watched you warily, waiting for a reaction.

“I don’t hate you, not really,” You said slowly. As good a place to start as any. “Resented you, yes, but hate is a strong word.” As you continued talking, your mouth let more and more words spill out, words you didn’t even know you had wanted to say. “And yeah, I was worried that you’d ‘take my spot’ or whatever, but I think that was the competitive nature of this school getting to me. They support friendly competition between students, but maybe I took that too much to heart.” You toed at the ground, slowly looking up to meet his eyes. “I was worried about you joining our class because I think you have amazing control over your quirk and you’re really talented. You really do have the potential to be an incredible hero. And I think… I’d like it better if we were friends, instead of pitting ourselves against each other.”

As you waited for Shinsou’s response, you started to get antsy. Why do I care so much about what he’s going to say?

Finally he answered. “Alright. Friends is a good place to start.” He held his hand out to you, as if to shake on it. Hesitatingly you reached out, your fingers firmly grasping his. He tightened his grip. “Should we also acknowledge that you said I was hot in your text?”

His words brought on a wave of nerves, and you yanked your hand back as if it were on fire. “That- That was a typo!” He began walking back towards the dorms with you hurrying to catch up to him.

As you matched his stride, he huffed out a laugh and sent you a knowing smile. “Sure, whatever you say.”

[flipomatic]

Shortcuts Ch 7

Author Note: With this chapter, we cross the halfway point in this fic. I will be sticking to the initial intended length, which is 12 chapters and an epilogue. Thank you everyone who has been reading so far!

First Chapter  Previous Chapter

____________________________________________________

Emira only ate lunch in the school cafeteria a few days a week. Most days she preferred to spend her time wandering the halls, conspiring with Ed, or doing anything else besides socializing with her peers.

Today was different. Emira had just spent her morning wrangling some falsely animated brooms that tried to flood half the school with water. They were extremely persistent, and it took the help of the entire illusion track to finally destroy them. One almost escaped, but they managed to catch it. Emira could not remember working harder at anything in her life and was famished by the time lunch rolled around.

She was too hungry to do anything but sit and eat. So that’s what she did. Emira bought a fairly large sandwich and sat down at one of the tables to enjoy it. She chose a spot that was sparsely populated; since Ed wasn’t around there wasn’t anyone specific she wanted to sit with. He had vanished after they stopped the last broom, muttering to himself about tweaking the spell.

Emira put it out of her mind as she dug into her lunch. Some students were talking around her, but their voices blended together to form white noise. For a few minutes, she ate in relative quiet.

She had finished about half of her sandwich when that abruptly changed.

“Hey.” A familiar voice called from behind her, a female voice she hadn’t expected to hear. “Are you busy right now?”

When Emira turned to look over he shoulder, she saw that Viney was standing behind her. She looked tense, as if unsure of her words. Emira tried to turn her body more, so she could speak to Viney without straining her neck. She still held her sandwich, half eaten.

“Not really, I’m just eating lunch.” Emira raised her hands slightly for emphasis. “What’s going on?”

The corner of Viney’s lip rose in a hint of a smile. “I’d like to introduce you to Puddles.”

Considering what had happened the previous Sunday, Emira should’ve seen it coming. At least she didn’t have any food in her mouth to choke on in surprise. “Oh, right now?” She asked, realizing from how Viney’s jaw tightened at the question that it was a misstep.

“If you’re free.” Viney replied in a slightly lower tone, bringing the conversation back to where it started.

“I am.” Despite having only eaten half her lunch, Emira barely noticed the hunger anymore. She was too excited to finally meet Puddles the griffin. She quickly wrapped the rest of her sandwich in a couple napkins, then cast a spell to surround it in a bubble like layer of magic. That way she could put in her bag and finish it later. Once that was done, she stood and gathered her bag and tray. “Lead the way.”

Viney nodded, the smile having returned to her face, and walked towards the cafeteria exit with Emira close behind. They stopped at a bin to return her tray, then left the cafeteria.

“We’re headed to the grudgby field.” Viney said as they walked down the hallway, towards the back of the school.

That was a bit confusing. “Not the beast keeping building?” The beast keeping track had its own building out behind the school, since the beasts could be too large or hard to contain for a standard classroom. They had most of their lessons out there as well as areas to keep the beasts.

Viney shook her head, not looking back at Emira. “It’ll be easier at the field.”

It was tempting to dig for more details, but Emira knew that she shouldn’t. Instead she let the topic drop, following Viney out the back doors of the school and over to the grudgby field. The stands were empty, as expected during lunch. They were the only two students around.

They stopped at the outside of the field, out of the range of the random shifts the field could have. Viney moved a few steps away and turned back towards Emira, then lifted her hand to spin her finger in a magic circle. Immediately, Emira heard the caw of a griffin in the distance.

A few seconds later, the beast flew in. She had come from the direction of the beast house, which wasn’t far away. She had a grey and brown body with massive white wings and huge talons for claws. Emira could only stare at her bird like head as Puddles landed next to Viney who, in an astonishingly cute way, turned to coo compliments at her and pet her head. Puddles nuzzled into her hand like a dog, chirping a few times.

Viney then looked over at Emira, who still hadn’t moved. “This is Puddles.” She said, gesturing towards the griffin. “Puddles, this is Emira. We’re friends, so be nice to her.” Oh, she had called them friends. It warmed Emira’s heart to hear that. Puddles chirped as if it understood, at a different pitch than before. “Would you like to pet her?” Viney turned back to Emira and asked, and Emira’s warm heart was suddenly stone cold.

She was perfectly fine with looking at her, but no she did not want to pet the griffin. She and Ed had almost been eaten by a slitherbeast recently and Emira had no desire to repeat the experience. She liked having both of her hands attached to her arms thank you very much.

“I, uh, I’m not sure.” Emira managed to say, taking half a step back.

“She’s very friendly.” Viney insisted, walking towards Emira. Puddles followed her, of course she did. “And way softer than she looks.” She didn’t look soft at all.

“She doesn’t bite, does she?” Looking at that beak, the answer had to be yes.

Viney shook her head no. “She doesn’t.” She turned to Puddles and told her to sit, which she did, then closed the rest of the distance between herself and Emira. “How about we do it together? I promise, you’ll be safe.”

That was better, but only slightly. Emira took a deep breath. “Alright.” She conceded. It would probably be fine, especially with Viney being right there with her. She had just been petting her, so it should be safe. She kept telling herself that, to try and convince herself.

This drew a smile to Viney’s face. “Lift your right hand.” She said, moving to Emira’s right side. Emira followed the instruction, holding her right hand at chest height. “Keep a flat palm, fingers together. Go ahead and step closer.” As she said that, Viney stepped slightly ahead and placed her right hand against the back of Emira’s, likely to guide her. Her touch sent Emira’s already accelerated pulse through the roof.

Emira took a shuddering breath and followed the directions. She stepped even closer to the beast, with Viney’s hand following her own closely. When they were close enough to touch the beast, she stopped. Then she reached forward, guided by Viney, to gently pet the side of Puddles’ neck. The entire time Puddles didn’t move, she just sat waiting.

She was soft, Viney hadn’t been lying. Emira pet her again, still gently, and thought maybe Puddles wasn’t so scary after all. Or at least, wasn’t as scary to friends of Viney. The pair then stepped back, and Viney released Emira’s hand. Puddles watched them with large unreadable eyes.

“I think she likes you.” Viney said with a grin. Emira wasn’t sure where she got that information from, but was willing to accept it.

“Glad to hear it.” Emira replied as Puddles blinked at her.

“I’ve been working on that new spell with Puddles too, if you remember from before?” Viney asked, opening her bag to take out a notebook.

Of course Emira remembered. “The spell to help Puddles learn to heal, right?”

Viney nodded enthusiastically. “That’s the one. I’ve been working a lot on it. Here, let me show you what I’ve got so far.” Had she figured out the spell? That was quite impressive.

Emira watched closely as Viney examined her notes and then cast a spell circle that glowed bright white. She then cast a second spell that made one of Puddles’ talons glow the same color. When the glowing light faded, Viney gave the griffin a command.

“Puddles, heal.” She said, gesturing to her own unblemished arm. Puddles immediately took action, lifting the previously glowing claw to press it lightly against her arm. It flashed with light on contact, which likely would’ve healed a wound if one had been there. When the glowing faded, Puddles pulled away and put it’s claw back on the ground.

“That’s incredible.” Emira could barely believe what she was seeing. Sure, Viney had told her about it before, but seeing it in action was completely different. “You’re very talented.”

Viney shook head at this. “Not talent.” She replied bluntly. “Hard work.” She gave Puddles a hand signal, telling the beast to again sit on the ground. “Besides, it’s not even close to done yet.”

It certainly seemed complex, but it looked to have worked properly from what Emira could tell. “What’s wrong with it?”

“Just a few things.” Viney chuckled lowly. “I have to keep the magic open until healing activates, it only works for one charge, and it’s only half as effective as a regular healing spell.” She seemed to rethink what she was saying midway and changed tracks, looking away from Emira as she did. “It’ll get there, I just wanted to show you the progress I’ve made since we talked about it before.”

“Well, I’m impressed at your progress.” Emira replied, nodding at the pair.

“Thank you.” Viney looked back at Emira with a smile, this time accepting the complement instead of turning it down.

The two shared a few more words of small talk, before dismissing Puddles and heading back to the school. Lunch would soon be over, with classes resuming shortly.

In her classes later, Emira wondered if there was an illusion spell that could enhance the magic Viney performed. She had heard something about that before, illusion spells that could increase the potency of other magic, but couldn’t remember where she’d seen it.

This called for a trip to one of her least favorite places.

________________________________________________________

End note: This chapter got a little out of hand. Viney has a will of her own I swear.

Next Chapter

[recentanimenews]

FEATURE: The Top 10 Anime OPs of 2020 According to YOU!

  As we near the voting period for the Anime Awards where we will collectively determine the anime bests of the year 2020, the well-worn adage of “never skip the OP” comes to mind. I’m confident we’ll make the best choice, but there were many great OPs this year that won't make the cut to be highlighted in the nominations. So let’s take a look back at some of the year’s greatest not determined by our admittedly extremely qualified panel of judges, but by numbers and you, the fans.

  We’ve been posting up OPs on YouTube all year and have even made a playlist for 2020 — so what better way to unbiasedly look at the year's best than with the most important votes of all? Views. Below I’ve composed a Top 10 list of anime OPs featured on Crunchyroll Collection YouTube Channel by views at 30 days so as not to give an unfair advantage to OPs posted earlier in the year. This is not a perfect metric — as I’ll get into a bit later — but delivers either an interesting look at what people have been watching this year or, at the very least, some great new additions to your playlist on YouTube ...

  10. Black Clover - "Everlasting Shine" by TOMORROW X TOGETHER

    The collision of anime and K-pop will become a theme on this list, so it’s only natural that it should begin with the collaboration between TOMORROW X TOGETHER and the anime that has never missed an OP. Black Clover hit off its next slate of anime-original content under the supervision of Yuki Tabata with a killer opening highlighting the magic knight captains. "Everlasting Shine" cleared 800k views in its first month and joined the series’ killer playlist snuggly between songs by Snowman.

  9. HAIKYU!! TO THE TOP - "Phoenix" by BURNOUT SYNDROMES

    BURNOUT SYNDROMES brought in the new year with a bang, heralding the beginning of Haikyu’s spring tournament arc with yet another absolute banger of an OP to compete with their own iconic "Hikare Are" and "Fly High!" Phoenix rose to claim 900k views in 30 days, especially impressive since Karasuno had no highlight opponents facing them down in the first half of the new TO THE TOP season.

  8. Black Clover - "Stories" by Snowman

    Black Clovers 11th OP had a lot of weight to carry introducing the first post-manga content the anime had to offer and nailed it with a Snowman collaboration so good that the group not only got signed to return for OP 13, but Daisuke Sakuma voiced an anime-original character designed just for him in Episode 140. "Stories" came just under 1 million views in its first month at 950k, joining the pantheon of hit Black Clover OPs.

  7. Rent-a-Girlfriend - "Centimeter" by the peggies

    I don’t know about you, but ever since Sarazanmai’s spectacular ED "Stand by Me" featuring the peggies, I’ve been waiting for more anime music by the group, and it is absolutely not a surprise to see their next collaboration on this list. They delivered an absolutely addictive song which TMS elevated with some great dance moves and brilliant color work. A smart move, as we’ll see later in this list.

  No metric for measurement is perfect and "Centimeter" may be the best example of where this list sells an OP short. The song barely cleared 1 million views in its first month and placed the peggies in the Number 7 spot, however, the viewership on Rent-a-Girlfriend’s OP has only accelerated since, and it now sits comfortably at 6 million views, tying it for second place in overall viewership. Looking back again in another six months, it might even be Number 1 ...

  6. Black Clover - "Black Catcher" by Vickeblanka

    The original Black Clover OP artists returned to close out the anime’s last wildly-escalating manga-adapted arc with a killer OP that got served up twice. First in a dark black-and-white aesthetic going into the series climactic battle, then again in brilliant color after the conclusion of the epic conflict. 

  "Black Catcher" brought in 1.1 million views in what is an astonishing sweep in popular viewership for this list. Every OP Black Clover dropped this year made it into the top 10. A spectacular feat for a series that serves up a new one every cour.

  5. Re:ZERO Season 2 - "Realize" by Konomi Suzuki

    In a series so notorious for outright ignoring it’s OP and/or EDs for the majority of its episodes to pack in as much extra time as possible for Subaru’s continued suffering, it’s absolutely amazing how quality each of its OPs has been. "Realize" rapidly ascended to 1.5 million in its first month and has since aged like a fine wine as the events of the series slowly added context to many of the unusual and intriguing visuals therein.

  4. JUJUTSU KAISEN - "Kaikai Kitan" by Eve

    Launching one of the most anticipated new series in years and adapted by studio MAPPA, who has acted as the headline studio of 2020 with multiple hit productions, "Kaikai Kitan" was a shoo-in for this list. JUJUTSU KAISEN didn’t disappoint with a slick OP directed by one of the all-time animation greats and Naruto alumni Shingo Yamashita. "Kaikai Kitan" cleared 2 million in its first 30 days, and if anything, is only accelerating as the series’ sterling production continues to draw more fans. Also, TOHO released the video early on their own channel, where it’s performing even better.

  3. Boruto - "Hajimatteiku Takamatteiku" by Sambomaster

    This ED stands out as a love letter to Naruto in an anime that is essentially one big love letter to Naruto. Returning to the franchise after crafting what may have been the original Naruto’s most iconic OP, "Rhapsody of Youth," Sambomaster delivers yet another bop, while Pierrot seeded the visual sequence with references to many iconic Naruto OP visuals. "Hajimatteiku Takamatteiku" cleared 2 million views in its first month and was the perfect introduction for the series' slow build toward the manga’s Kara arc.

  2. The God of High School - "Contradiction" ft. Tyler Carter by KSUKE

      Subtlety is not The God of High School’s thing and "Contradiction" dropped like a punch in the face with some completely wild visuals and music. Techno doesn’t often make appearances in anime OPs, so a song composed by KSUKE featuring the American metalcore vocalist of Issues, Tyler Carter, was a galaxy away from ordinary even in a year where an avalanche of K-pop has been dropping into anime. The accompanying visuals could only be described as aggressive with fight scenes set under a color-swapped psychedelic blacklight style effect. 2.5 million viewers tuned in in the first month, and the song recently cleared 6 million to continue competing with Rent-a-Girlfriend's "Centimeter" from the same season.

  1. Keep Your Hands Off Eizouken! - "Easy Breezy" by chelmico

    It really couldn’t have been anyone else. Storyboarded by Masaaki Yuasa himself and animated with some surprisingly analog techniques by the talented French animator Abel Gongora, "Easy Breezy" cleared 3 million views in its first month and has breezed its way past 10 million over the course of 2020. This OP was easy, it was breezy, and it was super meme-y. The riffs of the girls of Keep Your Hands Off Eizouken! dancing to chelmico’s addicting tune were absolutely legion and for good reason, the loud colors, the simple style, and the Drake references were a perfect breeding ground for some truly inspired fan content, making it, in my opinion, the only choice for OP of the Year for 2020.

  Gotta say I’m overjoyed to see Eizouken at the top of the list even after spending half a year working that earworm out of my head, as well as so much love for Black Clover's OPs which have really been an achievement in quality even against Pierrot’s own storied legacy in Naruto and Bleach music.

  And don’t think I’m stopping here. While many fans studiously never skip the OP, I also never skip the ED ...

  What's your favorite OP from this list? Let us know in the comments. And tune in tomorrow for the top EDs of 2020 according to YouTube!

      Peter Fobian is an Associate Producer at Crunchyroll, writer for Anime Academy and Anime in America, and an editor at Anime Feminist. You can follow him on Twitter @PeterFobian.

  Do you love writing? Do you love anime? If you have an idea for a features story, pitch it to Crunchyroll Features! 

By: Peter Fobian

[linkispink1995]

Crashing Waves Of Beating Hearts

(1) A Warm Summer's Day

Series Masterlist

Chapter warnings : mentions of smoking and drinking alcohol , language

Feedback as well as questions are appreciated so are predictions

~~~~~~~

August 12th 1992

~~~~~~~~~~~

It was one of the hottest days on record in San Francisco , given it was the end of summer and the weather was pleasant most people were out and about enjoy their day with either a cold beverage or a cool sweet treat. I of course was stuck inside at work at an up and coming tech company , I didn't mind my job there was air conditioning , the people were nice and the pay was enough to cover my half of the rent but I still felt like something was missing. I was currently make my round about to see if anyone else needed anything from me before I left to go to lunch with my boyfriend Dennis who was a talented sports writer at the newspaper here in San Francisco. After seeing that no one needed me to do anything I grabbed my bag before hear a voice call out "Y/n" I turned to be faced with my coworker Andrea. I didn't have a problem with Andrea it's just I knew that sometimes she could be difficult , as I walked to her she added "there's a woman on the phone name Jenny , she said she needs to talk". I nodded before walking to the phone to remove it from it's reciever before saying "Hi Jenny" she responded saying "hi Y/n you know I hate to bother you at work but um Dan's not here and I don't know where he is and uh , can you watch the kids tonight" I nodded saying "of course Jen no problem what time". She sighed in relief saying "oh thanks a bunch Y/n , can you come over at six" I nodded again saying "six sounds good I'll see you then" she responded saying"alrighty bye Y/n". After getting of the phone with Jenny and putting it back on the receiver my coworker Andrea walked back to me saying "who is that anyways , she uh calls here a lot is she your sister ". I shook my head before saying "first Andrea I have a brother and second she's my neighbor , now if you don't mind I have lunch with Dennis". Andrea nodded before saying "oh Dennis Andrews , how long have you been with that whatever he does" I sighed saying "seven years and Dennis is a writer" he nodded before I could finally grab my bag and walk out of the office and off to lunch with Dennis.

~~~~~~~~~

Twenty minutes later I had arrived to the restaurant Dennis and I would always meet at , it was a small little Italian restauran that was extremely seven miles between where Dennis and I worked. Seven was Dennis and I's lucky number , it was the seventh of September when we met and are first date was at seven o'clock here at Mimi's. Dennis and I have also been together for seven years which meant everyone around us was practically waiting for Dennis to propose to me , sometimes even I would wondered if or when Dennis should ask me. My mother liked to remind me that seven years in her opinion was to long and that by now her and my father were married and had my brother and I , but I didn't want to be anything like my parents and today at lunch I decided I would tell Dennis I would be leaving my job and start applying to art school's. When I entered Mimi's I walked in to see no Dennis which was odd since we always meet at the hostess stand. I shrugged it away before walking to the hostess saying "table for two please" she nodded before asking "are you Mr. Andrews guest" I nodded as she added "right this way please". I nodded again before following her to a more secluded part of the restaurant to find Dennis sitting at the back table smoking a cigar. I had always hated when Dennis smoked especially cigars since my father would always smoke them and I didn't like to be reminded of home. Dennis finally noticed my presence saying "Hi sweetie" I responded by kissing his cheek saying "how's your day". Dennis nodded before tapping his cigar into an astray before saying "fine , how about yours" I nodded saying "it's good , better now I'm here with you" Dennis chuckled before standing up and pushing me into my chair. As the waiter left I noticed that Dennis looked nervous , like he was going to be sick or something I spoke again saying "Dennis sweetie is something wrong" he sighed saying "I quit my job today" my jaw fell as he added "I just don't really see myself going any places there" I sighed saying. "Dennis your one of the lead reporters" he nodded before saying "I know but I just want to branch out and do my own thing , I mean my parents want me to be this amazing writer and you understand I mean what would you be doing if you were in Hawkins with your parents". I signed saying "probably getting my mother off my back" he nodded saying "see and here you and I can start are own thing and I mean you do the drawling those could actually be something" I nodded again before saying "Dennis I would love to do something like that but I'm finally where I want to be in this company". He sighed saying "happy being told what to do" I responded saying "yeah I guess" Dennis spoke up again saying "and then maybe if we start working together we can talk about" I then noticed got on the ground beside me and got onto his one knee causing me gasp and him to say "what I dropped my napkin" he then took his seat back in his chair before saying "did you think I was going-". I cut him off saying "no of course not" he nodded before saying "I'm thinking about it , if you were wondering and I'm leaning towards yes" I nodded again before asking "what's making you think no" he quickly responded saying "Billy" my jaw fell again as he added "I just don't understand him". I sighed saying "Dennis I-" he cut me off saying "ditch Billy and I'll get on my knee , just think about it okay , I dont want it to ruin our lunch" as the waiter came out and brought us our food I couldn't help bit think I knew that I loved Dennis but if he wanted me to stop talking to Billy he was out of his mind and then I began to wonder weather or not I actually wanted to marry Dennis or not.

~~~~~~~~~

After work I decided to change my clothes before going over to Jenny's since she lived only three doors down and I knew I could be quick. Since I usually wore slacks to work I changed into a pair of jeans since I'd have an easier time chasing around three kids in those. I never minded watching Jenny's kids since I had always wanted some of my own , Jenny and her husband Dan who was around very much had three children. Charlie was the oldest he was seven , then there was Riley who was five and baby Tommy was six months old. Jenny was a waiter at Ed's dinner which was down the street from my apartment which reminded me a lot of Benny's from Hawkins. As I got to my apartment I was met by Phoebe who was Billy's on and off again girlfriend who also worked at Ed's "Hi Y/n" she said I acknowledged her saying "Hi Phoebe" I then noticed her wearing one the sweaters my mother had sent me for my birthday last year. "Well" she said "I gotta get going , I'll see you later though you should stop by and bring Daniel" I sighed saying "Dennis" she nodded saying "oh yeah right sorry , have a nice night" I nodded saying "you too". After chatting with Phoebe I walked into my apartment to find Billy in the kitchen cigarette hanging loosely from his lips , with classic rock playing in the background. I peeled my shoes off and hung up my bag before saying "so you and Phoebe are together again" he sighed saying "not exactly". I nodded saying "so is that why she's wearing my sweater" he sighed saying "you noticed" I nodded as he added "she had to work tonight and didn't want to get something on her work clothes and besides you hate that sweater , it's not even your size she'll bring it back tonight" I nodded before walking back to my bedroom causing him to ask "are you that angry" I began to change my clothes while saying "I'm not mad at you Billy it's just I think maybe you should actually ask Phoebe out to dinner go on a real date" I could hear him chuckle from the other side of the door saying "oh like you and Mr. Perfect" I sighed saying. "Billy when was the last time you actually dated someone" he sighed saying "your brother used to date around and you didn't seem to have a problem with it" I rolled my eyes as I began to tie my tennis shoes as he added "so were are you running off to tonight" I responded saying "babysitting the Albright kids" I then opened the door to my bedroom before walking past Billy and grabbing my bag saying "I should be home by eleven or whenever Jenny gets out , don't wait up" he nodded before saying "if you get bored with the stupid kids call me". I sighed saying "you don't even like kids" he shrugged saying "you dont know that" I rolled my eyes again before walking out my apartment and walked up the stairs to the 5th floor.

I knocked on the apartment door before Jenny opened it while trying to hold baby Tommy in her eyes , I quickly took his out of her arms as she gestured for me to enter her apartment as I did she spoke saying. "They've already eaten , Charlie is currently refusing to do his homework and Riley watching tv , oh and Tommy is teething so he'll probably be extra fussy I'm so sorry you had to come and do this I promise I'm looking for a sitter. I nodded saying "it's fine Jenny I dont mind , it gives me practice" she responded saying "don't you have a younger brother" I shook my head saying "no were twins and he's older" she nooded saying "well sweetie I really do appreciate it and I really am sorry , your twenty five Y/n you should be out with Billy" I corrected her saying "Dennis , Dennis is my boyfriend , Billy is my roommate" she nodded saying "I know , I like Billy more" I sighed before walking over to see Charlie at the table with the homework still in it's folder as I asked "hey buddy can o help you with your homework" he nodded causing Jenny to say "your really good at that Y/n , your kids will be lucky to have you" I nodded before asking "Jenny how did you know you wanted to get married" she sighed saying. "I dont know Y/n , I think Dan and I got married because we wanted to start a family why". I sighed saying "Dennis was talking about getting married today and he said he'd actually seriously consider it if Billy and I stopped being friends" Jenny sighed saying "well I don't think that's sounds good , what about your mom cam you talk to her about this". I shook my head saying if I talk to mom she'd probably agree with Dennis and I love him but when I imagine getting married I'm not sure if I see it being Dennis , I dont know if I see us bringing a baby home from the hospital and buying a house together" Jenny sighed saying "then I think you have your answer there". When Jenny left and the kids were put to bed I began to think about what she had said maybe if I couldn't talk to my mom , there was still someone I could talk too and I knew that had to be my brother.

~~~~~~~~~~

Taglist @a-dorky-book-keeper

(Please let me know if you'd like to be added to the taglist)

Do no plagiarize my work , thanks -Meg

[tetrakys]

Trois Allumettes - Chapter 1

What if Lysander never attended Sweet Amoris and he and Candy met for the first time in college? Starts between Episode 3 and 4 and will rewrite each MCL UL episode with Lysander as the main route.

“Ugh! This tuna sandwich sucks!”

It was just another Tuesday afternoon. Rosa, Chani ed I were having lunch in the dining hall.

“We both know you are going to eat it anyway” I laughed.

“You know what, Candy?” Rosa said pensively while biting into her sandwich “You look really tired. Is everything okay?”

One of my friend’s most charming qualities, she never beats around the bush.

“Everything is f-fine.” I said yawning “Yesterday I stayed up late watching a horror movie.”

“Oooohhh which one?” asked Chani, eyes shining with interest.

“Just a crappy one about a haunted mansion I found on Netflix. It was really bad but I was hooked and had to know how it ended. It freaked me out though.”

“I know that one” said Chani “it isn’t scary at all.”

“Of course you would say that.”

“It really isn’t” she added passionately “haunted mansions are not scary, they are really fascinating, all that mystery and the amazing ancient architecture… you would know it if you came urbexing with me. Tonight I am going back to that amazing place I told you about.”

“Uhm… no thanks.”

“Also” she added “that movie is very inaccurate, ghosts are not evil. They are just lost.”

“I can see how being lost for a few hundred years could make anyone grumpy” I said smiling.

“Oh crap!” we both turned to see Rosa looking at her watch “The keys! Sorry girls I have to run, I’m so late. I have to meet with…” she stuffed two sandwiches in her mouth and mumbled something we couldn’t understand while running towards the door.

For a few moments we both stared silently at the door where she had just disappeared, then Chani turned in her chair and said “You know what would be really scary? Being late for Mr Lebarde’s class.”

We both rushed to finish our meal.

///////////////////////////////////////////////////////

It was a cold windy night, I was coming back from the gym after one of my sporadic and exhausting work out sessions and, thanks to Kim’s drill sergeant ways, I was feeling sore everywhere. I couldn’t wait to have the shortest shower ever and jump into bed with a box of cookies, effectively nullifying all my hard work.

I was just about to open the dorm door when I heard a strange noise from the right side of the building. I looked around. Like any weekday night, the campus was basically desert. It had rained earlier that evening and a eerie mist surrounded the large open area. I really don’t like this… I thought. Last time I had heard a strange noise out there it was just Nath with a girl. Trying not to focus my thoughts on that scene, which was still quite upsetting, I headed back towards the door.

I heard it again. All of a sudden my conversation with Chani from the a few days ago came back to mind. Ghosts are not evil, they are just lost… No! Ghosts do not exist! I blamed my freakout on the stupid movie I had watched the other day, never again I was going to watch horror movies late at night.

To prove myself brave I headed towards the source of the noise, it seemed to originate from that little black door that lead to a basement at the back of the art department. With steady steps and led only by the moonlight, I made my way to the building. I was just about to grab the handle when I heard the noise again, louder than ever. The door suddenly opened with a bang and a tall dark shadow emerged on the doorway.

I ran to my room without looking back.

///////////////////////////////////////////////////////

“OMG that’s just too funny!”

Sometimes Alexy could be really annoying.

“Quit it! I’m not joking, it was the scariest shit I’ve haver experienced.”

We were having a drink at the Snake Room and he was laughing his ass off without a care in the world.

“Yes Alex, stop teasing Candy, she looks quite upset” said Priya, patting me on the arm.

“Thank you!”

“Even though…” she continued cautiously “you should admit that a ghost is not the most plausible explanation.”

“Why not?” Chani interrupted “ghosts are perfectly natural. We are made of both flesh and spirit, some of us just stick around a little longer than what our perishable bodies allow.”

Alexy started laughing even louder.

“Come on Chani, do you really think that a dead guy would waste his time haunting a deserted dusty storage room? Personally, if it was me, I would set up home in the male locker room.”

“It could have been a girl, you know?” said Priya “and we have no idea what’s in that room at the back of the art building, anything could be going on there.”

“Nothing is going on there” I said “I went back in the morning. The door was locked and I found no indication of anyone ever being there.”

It wasn’t totally true. I did go back in the morning when lots of sunlight and passerbys felt like the best shield against whatever I had seen the night before. The door was indeed locked but I found a piece of paper lying on the floor that I didn’t think was there before. It was a page from a notebook where a poem was written in an elegant and slightly ancient-looking handwriting. For some reason I didn’t feel like sharing this detail with my friends. It may have had nothing to do with my ghost anyway.

My ghost… that sounded ridiculous even in my head, but I didn’t know how else to explain what I saw.

“I am going back there tonight and will get to the bottom of this!”

“Please let us accompany you, I hadn’t laughed so hard in days, we are all going back to the dorms anyway” said Alexy while we all got up and put our coats on.

This was secretly what I was hoping for, and the real reason I had brought up the incident in the first place. Strength was in numbers. Alexy wanted to get a good laugh out of the situation, Priya was the voice of reason and Chani was just interested in anything mysterious.

“Too bad Rosa was busy tonight, she is going to miss a real ghost hunt” he sniggered.

“Quite fitting” said Chani “it’s almost Halloween.”

Once on campus we made way to the dorms. The place was again desert.

“So… where is this haunted broom closet?” Alexy joked.

“Right over there” I pointed to the back of the art building.

“I hear no gruesome sounds”

“I know…”

“No scraping of chains”

“I know…”

“No dying screams”

“I know…”

“No…”

“Enough Alex” Priya said calmly “stop tormenting Candy, she feels enough mortified.” She turned to me and added “Don’t worry Candy, this place is dark and the wind is so strong, anyone could…”

Whatever she was going to say was cut off by the noise. Everyone froze. We looked at each other with wide eyes. Ah! I wasn’t crazy, this time I wasn’t the only one who heard it.

“What the…” said Alexy.

We heard it again, louder. It was a metallic sound, it did remind a bit of rusty chains scraping the floor.

In that moment three things happened almost at the same time: with the same loud noise the black door burst open and crushed against the wall, the tall dark figure raised against the doorway more imposing and majestic than ever, and a piercing scream split the air.

“You were right I would have never been able to open this rusty door by mys… Guys? What are you doing here? Alexy, why are you screaming like this?”

Rosa rushed out of the building and ran towards Alexy who was crouching on the floor with his head in his hands. He looked up when he heard her voice, a moment passed where he seemed to pull himself together, got back to his feet, dusted his clothes and said with a too-bright-to-be-real smile

“Ahah I was just teasing Candy, she has been telling everyone she saw a ghost here yesterday. It was you all along, great prank Rosa.”

“It was me, actually.”

A deep voice said from behind Rosa’s back. We all turned towards the door to see a tall man step into the light. He had slightly long hair of different shades from white and grey to dark, and the most beautiful heterochromia of the eyes I had ever seen, one golden brown and one deep green. He was wearing clothes in what looked like a gothic or Victorian style, a long black coat and a dark green cravat at his neck. He was… striking, and he was looking at me with those unsettling eyes.

“Guys, this is Lysander, Leigh’s brother.”

Everyone got out of their stupor and started saying hi and giving their names. I felt like my tongue was tied.

“He just moved in town to study at Anteros, he stayed with Leigh and I for a few days while the university sorted the mess they made with his dorm room. The idiot admin officer apparently mixed up his documents and assigned it to someone else.”

“What are you going to study, Lysander?” asked Priya with a smile.

“Poetry” he simply replied.

“He is doing his fifth year specialising in poetry, he has a real talent with words.” Rosa replied proudly patting his back.

“And what have you been doing in this building at night?” asked Chani curious.

“He is collaborating with the music department as a lyricist, they do lots of rehearsal at night, as I said he is really talented.” Why was Rosa talking in his place? If he really was so talented at putting words together he apparently wasn’t as much at expressing them. Also, why did he keep staring at me?

“Okay, good, mystery solved. I’m going to my room. Nice to meet you Lysander” Alexy said walking towards the dorms still looking a little unsettled.

“I have to go too, I just came to bring a few stuff my dear brother in law forgot” she said laughing “I swear Lysander, if your head wasn’t on your neck you would lose that too.”

“I am going to the library, goodnight.” Chiani waved and walked away.

Priya, Lysander and I headed to the dorms together.

“Well, this is me” she said looking at me a little apologetically, I had totally forgot her room was on the ground floor! “Nice meeting you Lysander, see you tomorrow Candy, goodnight.”

Lysander and I were now alone in the deserted hall of the dorms. I felt really awkward, why was I feeling so awkward? I pushed the elevator button, a part of me hoping he also had a room on the ground floor, but no, he was waiting right next to me. At some point the doors opened and we got in. I pushed seven and he pushed nine.

Was this the longest elevator ride in history? The silence was deafening. I was rummaging through my brain trying to find something, anything to say when, to my surprise he spoke first.

“I’m sorry.”

“W-what?” I stuttered.

“For yesterday, for scaring you. It wasn’t my intention. The door of the basement where we compose is very old and rusty, it needs a good push to open up. I apparently applied too much force and smashed it into the wall. I must have terrorised you, like that in the dark… I tried to explain but you run away, I am really sorry.”

I felt heath rising in my cheeks, God I was such an idiot.

“No, I should be the one to apologise, for acting like a child and thinking you were a…”

“A ghost?” he said and smiled. He actually smiled and it was… enchanting.

“I admit that’s pretty funny” was he teasing me? “but Casper was one of my favourite movies when I was a child so I’ll take it as a compliment.”

The elevator doors opened and, with a mental shake, I stepped out of the elevator mumbling a goodnight.

“Candy?”

I turned around surprised.

“See you around” he said with a small smirk on his lips. The doors closed, hiding his beautiful face.

Wow… I had so many questions. Who was this guy? Leigh’s brother yes but… where had he been all along?

And that intense aura surrounding him… those incredible and slightly sad eyes… I was intrigued and wanted to know more. Much more.

See you around he had said, I smiled a little.

Looking forward to it.

////////////////////////

Go to Chapter 2

[ryouverua]

Trial 4 - The Confession  (3)

THIS IS.... NOT HOW I THOUGHT THINGS WOULD GO DOWN... AT ALL...

Investigation 1 / 2

Trial: 1 / 2

WHAT THEY HAVE A TEXT BOX AND EVERYTHING THIS IS LEGIT THEN?!?!

Wait, so she really did meet up with him before the virtual world then? I imagine it was before she gathered everyone, but after that flashback light that caused her to panic the way she did - so in the last few days? And it would have to be before he met Monokuma too... so not yesterday (as I’m imagining this taking place midmorning after they went to the VR world) but the day before that?

I can only imagine what threw him off as she was speaking. He has an excellent poker face though, so I’m not surprised she didn’t realize he was onto her.

It says a lot about Kokichi that he could stay calm in the fact of that, but also it’s... a bit sad that he didn’t think he could approach anyone for help...

... Then again, countering a murder plan with a murder plan is, uh, very Supreme Leader-ish! And one that doesn’t get your own hands dirty...

I guess you are really confessing everything, because I don’t know why you would feel the need to add that damning evidence on top of all the other stuff???

By making it more interesting, did he just mean getting everyone into the simulator full well knowing Miu’s plans, or literally telling Monokuma, ‘I am going to counter Miu’s murder plan with my own’?!?!

It sounds like Kokichi’s idea wasn’t to put the motive in the simulator, after all! Monokuma is straight-up saying it was his!

But does it matter at this point if we didn’t find it??? I swear, between the Necronomicon, the First Blood Perk and this, we seriously not using any of the motives!

So they argue a bit with Monokuma about him working together with a student but he handwaves it away with the whole, well, ~I wasn’t involved with the actual murder myself~ which, okay, fine though technically isn’t he working with the mastermind. It’s kinda distracting from the confession at hand anyway.

  It’s a bit scary how badly you want to confess though.

“Anything that lets me actually put you in the ground.”

That’s a lukewarm revenge -

WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK

W H A T

j us t

happen....ed...........

shuichi also reacted with probably one of the cutest ‘eh’ sounds I have every heard out of his mouth but unfortunately this is all visual based, not sound based, so I cannot include it here, and also that is entirely beside the point

Holy shit, Kokichi. Holy - shit - DID YOU... STRAIGHT UP... JUST..... DROP GONTA’S NAME...

AN ENTIRELY APPROPRIATE REACTION TO FINDING OUT YOU MURDERED SOMEONE VIA ALTER EGO AND DON’T REMEMBER IT once again, a masterstroke by Kokichi, Mr. ‘I reference YGO Duel Monsters without even trying’

Yeah, I’m not surprised to see Tsumugi chiming in here. She has been Gonta’s biggest defender from trial to trial, even if her voice isn’t as loud as Kaito’s. 8(

And my god, if Kaito’s voice ain’t loud right now!

HIMIKO DON’T YOU FUCKING SAY IT

A;SLDKFJ KOKICHI DON’T THINK YOU INTERRUPTING HERE SAVES YOU FROM ME SERIOUSLY JUDGING YOUR LIFE CHOICES

“YOU CAN’T JUST SPLIT THE SCREEN LIKE THAT WITHOUT A SWORD DUEL THAT’S NOT HOW THE MECHANIC WORKS!”

“- ANYWAY I was totally confessing guys, and on behalf of Gonta as well as myself! I can’t believe you would just interrupt me when I’m being so charitable! Waaaah, you’re all so meeeean ~ !” insert crocodile tears sprite here

I am here to interrupt this incredibly serious and terrifying confession with accompanying illustration to ask - why ‘Busters’?! What kind of dumb name is that, honestly.

Between this and your ‘if everyone dies, the game will end!’ comment, you’re really scaring me right now, Kokichi - !

Gonta is not about this at all.

Man, I’ve been making the D: face over and over again during this trial - meanwhile, Gonta right now is the living embodiment of that text emoji right now.

Oh.... oh, of course. Kokichi doesn’t know about the avatar error either, does he? He’s been operating under the assumption that Gonta has been... lying to us this whole time............ That he’s been a perfect liar, without a single crack in his veneer, even to a keen liar-spotting master like Kokichi, and that he’s been just as good at tricking us as him - even better, possibly. 

Oh, no. Oh, no.

Gonta’s strongest, most stalwart supporter of the whole game is back in the game!

TRAUMATIC BUZZING NOISE FLASHBACKS

Between all the back and forth, including a bit of gloating at Shuichi on Kokichi’s part, he drops this:

And here, to counter all of the ‘Gonta is too ~dumb~ to do something like this’ comments, he already has a ready-made argument. He really has been set from the beginning, huh? Either that or his improv ability is topnot - oh wait this is Kokichi Ouma we’re talking about, of course it is. Anyway, while I think Kokichi set Gonta up to do this, I feel like I’m at least affording Gonta a bit more agency than his classmates. 8′/

d-don’t.... neglect the heart...... nngh

erika furudo is being channelled by kokichi ouma to wreak havoc on this killing game, this truly is the worst timeline

FUCK PLEASE DON’T BRING UP GENTLEMEN THIS IS SO AWFUL I’M GOING TO D I E

and everyone else seems to be in the same state I am, minus the whole ‘I’m 99% sure it was Gonta’ mindset I had going in, so Kokichi asks them the obvious question:

Aaaah, I thought so. Kaito has been pushed far enough that he won’t accept anything other than Kokichi being the culprit. :(

Kokichi’s about to drop a massive truth bomb in the trial and Kaito is not going to like it.

OH FOR FUCK’S SAKE KOKICHI NOW YOUR TROLL FACES ARE WARPING THE FABRIC OF REALITY ITSELF AROUND YOU PLEASE CONTROL YOUR TERRIFYING ULTIMATE POWER

I just really wanted to isolate this one shot from the debate especially because damn, just - the way they set it up for him and his sprite to dominate the whole screen by just - towering over everyone despite everyone being against him, despite everyone accusing him, is just some great work by the layout team!

Also the fact that they can contrast that with this image with all the flowers and sunshine around him, with that cute little smile on his face... man, I keep praising what they did with the trial debates for a reason!

And once again, it’s Kaito argument that Shuichi is forced to cut down...

All the pieces except for two - Gonta’s motive/reason he would work with Kokichi (because I thought it was maybe spur of the moment move on his part to protect Kokichi, but Kokichi is heavily implying it isn’t, and the fact that it was done via prepared item is.... a problem) and Gonta’s memory problems - are officially out in the open. Oooh geez - I had been wondering how they would do this case since to me, it didn’t seem technically difficult to figure out, but I guess the writers’ solution to that issue is to just gut-punch the players all the way to the end. 8′D

And now Kaito’s being countered by his other sidekick. Can we stop kicking this poor puppy while he’s down??? As in, the poor puppy who is probably dying a slow death from a mysterious illness right now??? Is this the game’s idea of karmic rebalancing for not outright deathflagging him again this chapter, or???

Because you’ve been baiting him this entire time.

So... was he going to let them fall for the lie of ‘Kokichi Ouma is the culprit who killed Miu’? That’s what I’m wondering right now. He’s very happily driving in the point that the one, singular truth can be incredibly painful, but this still seems very much to be a reaction to all the events of the trial leading up to this point!

Having Gonta beside Kaede’s stand, the other person who we thought, ‘No, it couldn’t be, it couldn’t possibly be....’ was probably planned from the very beginning for this trial, I imagine.

I-I MEAN IS THAT FAIR SINCE BUGS ARE DIRECTLY TIED TO HIS TALENT...

But of course, while the classmates are rallying around Gonta and Kaito...

Showing growth at the most unfortunate times, Shuichi Saihara uses his budding confidence to grow up up up and away from Kaito. 8′\

Look at him, inserting himself in between the two like this -

“SHUT UP KOKICHI YOU’RE RUINING OUR BROSHIP - W-WE CAN STILL BE BROS AFTER THIS, RIGHT KAITO???

Kaito directly after the trial but actually no please let the saimota stay strong you must overcome....

On the one hand I feel like Kokichi is being heavy-handed - on the other, I’m starting to think that he feels the need to over-explain everything to his classmates because they just won’t get it otherwise. 8′D

I don’t feel like this is 100% fair though - he did a really great job with finding the door in Chapter 1! He, uh, did completely lose his mojo though, so...

Well, the point is, Kaito did need to teach him how to trust in other people because Kaede broke it by lying to him! Shuichi has been a naturally suspicious worrywart this whole time!

HIS VOICE IS BREAKING I CAN’T FUCKING DO THIS

SHUICHI CAN’T EITHER

FUCK I THOUGHT DOING HIS FTES WOULD HELP ME THROUGH THIS BUT IT MADE EVERYTHING SO MUCH WORSE

Oh shit, this was a surprise bit of support that I wasn’t expecting! How shocked do you think Kokichi is right now that K1-b0 of all people is not completely disbelieving him, on a scale of 1-10??

If I make a comment about how computer-like this is would I get slammed for being robophobic or -

I mean Kaito’s technically not wrong? But he’s not completely right either... I, I really think Kokichi is trying to kill two birds with one stone here. 8′/ But to what end, is the real question... Disillusionment? Is that the ultimate goal?

MONOKUMA YOU’RE BRO-BLOCKING ME!!!

unholy screeching -

Kaito sounds so betrayed -

“Hold on Monokuma, I thought this was only supposed to happen in the event of an even split -”

“Shut the fuck up Shuichi Is2g I’ll crazy glue your hat back on!”

THIS IS AN INCREDIBLY UNLIKELY TEAM and also a popular OT3, I imagine with an incredibly complicated name. like. how do you combine saiouma and, uh... kiibouma I’m guessing - saikiibouma maybe???

also K1-b0 please don’t wave your Objection! finger in Gonta’s face like that, it is neither the time nor place and also incredibly rude and not helping -

I absolutely love (and by love I mean my heart is being wrenched In Twain) the way they have Shuichi facing in one direction, and Kaito fully, completely turned the other way.

Once again Shuichi is learning how to defend himself, and is finally willing to do it. I... just wish it would be under better circumstances...

Actually, out of pure luck, it lines up really well with Kaito’s last FTE and the option I chose where Shuichi bites back about his detective work. It’s funny how in the end, his natural reaction is still to search for the truth at all costs, and I like reading him as someone who is naturally curious as well as singularly focused that way, sometimes to the detriment of everything else - and come hell, high water or, regrettably, casualties. And he’ll certainly have those regrets, and fret on them endlessly as he loses himself in a spiralling circle of self-doubt, but would he be able to stop himself from following that path down to the bitter end? No... no, I don’t think so.

Should I include every cap of Gonta pleading with everyone that he isn’t the culprit? No, it’s redundant. Will I anyway because he’s tearing my heart to pieces? Yes. Yes I will.

asldkf;asdf the worst thing is he isn’t. He isn’t lying. He paradoxically is the killer and not lying about it, because not being the killer is his current truth AS HE KNOWS IT...

Y-You sound like you’re talking from personal experience, and outside of the last few trials, too! Which side of this ‘cornering’ were you on exactly...????

Oh!!! We haven’t seen this sprite in a long time!

Is it just me or is Kokichi acting extremely viciously right now? Like, his vitriol levels are off the charts. Honestly I couldn’t bring myself to interrupt this part with commentary because the way Kokichi is going off, just absolutely screaming at him, is a huge departure from the cool and collected Ouma we’ve had up to this point!

Did they... prepare arguments beforehand, maybe? And he’s losing it because Gonta isn’t playing along with the plan he said up? With that said, when Gonta turned on Kokichi in the Meet-n-Greet, Kokichi wasn’t anything like this. So what’s his deal???

Kokichi Ouma will not rest until he has flipped every single aspect of this trial and the trial format as it’s been up to this point on its head, and subsequently, used it to attack everyone around him. 

Holy shit, Kokichi has well and truly lost it. This - this has to be real. It’s far too raw for it not to be real.

Ugh, the way Kaito’s voice cracks when he jumps in here...

KAITO......................

I... feel like, despite flickerings of his ‘playful’ persona, this may be the longest he’s ever gone showing his genuine feelings - and man, they aren’t pretty. I mean, that’s assuming this anger is genuine... but I really, really feel like it is.

Just like another character I love who also uses lies and fantasy as weapons, I feel like going over this section again with new eyes will be extremely telling.

Still, that means he really, really wants to live. And the ‘we’ there is interesting. Who is the ‘we’? Is he speaking for a select few, including Shuichi? For the whole class? Someone not here, in a similar vein to Kirumi?

you know Kokichi for someone who wants to live, maybe screaming at someone whose good friend is an assassin is a bad idea

You know everyone fighting over him is eating Gonta from the inside out.

Ah, fuck, I’ve been waiting for the other shoe to drop and I think this is when it’s going to happen.

I’m like 99% sure Kokichi’s on Tsumugi’s hit list for next chapter. 8′D 

Oooh, speaking of growth - !

You know, I keep saying this and I don’t know if I’m alone in thinking this or not but Shuichi has been consistently weak in all things social and emotional, detection-wise and otherwise. But now, here, we finally have Shuichi picking up on the true source of Gonta’s confusion on his own, his language, and how it could be relevant to the case on his own without anyone else giving him any clues or hints!

The one who has consistently stood up for Gonta in every trial, Kaito, the one who wants to believe in everyone, and Gonta himself... aaaaah, no, no no..... 8′/

KAITO WHAT IS THAT NEW SPRITE

OH GOD NO THAT’S SUCH A SAD SPRITE SDLKFJ

OMFG HIMIKO ARE YOU SERIOUSLY WHY ALL OF THIS HAPPENED

ALSO... oh, that’s right. Gonta lifted up the manhole cover at the beginning of the game with his lefthand, didn’t he? SHIT....

His sprites and tones of voice are oscillating so wildly now and it’s really hard for me to keep up??? I’m getting whiplash asdlfkj

THAT. THAT IS THE ONE PART THAT I AM WAITING FOR. I thought it was in defense of Kokichi because that is the only way I can feasibly see him killing someone and still be, well, the Gonta Gokuhara who wants to protect everyone, but there is too much of this murder that seems premeditated!!!

So we’ve established this in previous games via Celes’ and Peko’s trials, but it’s worth going over again - especially since these guys have no knowledge of either of those games -

Yeah... we’re really going to need a motive from Kokichi. Could it be as simple as countering Miu’s plan? I suppose taking her out as an obvious threat makes sense, and he’s already established that he wants to live ... There’s also the question of if it can really be something like, ‘he also wanted to use this as a way to create a fun mystery.’ I really hope not. 8′\ I suppose something like, ‘I’m taking opportunity of the fact that I’m getting rid of a threat on my life to also drive home certain points to the rest of my classmates, and also as revenge for the events of the last few days’ would be more of an acceptable answer to me, given what I’ve seen of him so far. With that said, that... is not a great way to survive, considering the target being painted in broader strokes on your back each passing minute...

DON’T LOOK AT ME, SWEETCHEEKS!!

don’t neGLECT THE HEART, DAMN IT

Jeez, maybe he really does see the rest of them as chess pieces... and Shuichi as a knight that can move in abstract, highly unpredictable ways. 8/ Either that or he’s thinking he can keep tightlipped on the motive since Gonta no longer knows it?

Looks directly at Shuichi - winks - blows kiss - “Hey you know what would be a great first date idea? Setting up a tragic murder via patsy that will rock your worldview, potentially break you apart from one of your only friends in this wretched place and ultimately send everyone spiralling into despair.”

“W-Where did you learn how to pick up people?”

“Oh, some book I found in the library called ‘Enoshima’s Guide to Love for the Hopelessly Loveless’, why?”

“KAEDE.AGAIN, WHY DID YOU LEAVE ME IN THIS SPOT. I DIDN’T WANT TO BE THE PROTAGONIST. SOMEONE, PLEASE SEND HELP.”

Sadly, Kaito is all bluster at this point... oTL

I have a feeling this is going to end up looking a lot like my reasoning...

He goes down the list so clinically. It’s one thing for me, an outsider, to be able to do that (and just barely, because I was SAD about the conclusion I came to, damn it), but for someone in the game to be able to do it... yikes....

“There is no amount of incest roleplay fantasy dreams that’ll make up for the shitshow that is today.”

“He’s making me be the one to say it, isn’t he. Sonuvabitch.”

well fuck you too

no no no no no no no he’s CRYING HE’S AUDIBLY CRYING THIS IS 50 SHADES OF NOT OKAY

He’s straight-up challenging Shuichi to be the one to pull the trigger (absolutely pun intended).

IF.... IF ONLY IT WERE SO EASY, KAITO....

“If I just choose myself THIS HELL WILL BE OVER.”

“Bro I will fucking deck you.”

What if I just

turned

the game off

right now

just let this game board sit open, here, for all of eternity

that would be okay right

[tothemaxie]

Benched - JayTim Secret Santa

For @cinnamonskull//@jayskulll for JayTim Secret Santa I'M SO SORRY! I've had HELL with getting my tablet back up and running, and between that, hospital appointments and moving back to uni, my life has spiralled out of control. BUT - I'll do an art request for you to apologize. <3

“Tim maybe, quite possibly, might have broken a few ribs... And his collarbone... And now he's stuck on surveillance. But he's found a way to make it a little more fun...”

It started four weeks after Tim had shattered his collarbone (well, that and three ribs). Definitely one of the worse breaks he'd had to endure, but he'd made sure the other guy ended up worse (concussion from a last second swing of his bo-staff as he went down). Despite Tim's insistence he'd be fine and to full health within a week, Alfred and Bruce had shared 'That Look', and Tim had sighed - knowing in that moment that he'd be well and truly benched for at least six weeks. Apparently, Damian had understood the shared glance as well, if his spit of laughter was anything to go by.

It took Bruce two weeks to even allow Tim on surveillance from the cave, which had had the desperate vigilante going near stir crazy! Everything felt a little nicer once he was back at the computer. It meant - although he couldn't jump in - he could offer at least some assistance if someone in his family got into trouble. But (not really all that surprisingly) his family didn't really get into trouble they couldn't handle, all that much. So, there were just a lot of slow research tasks to take up his time...

That was, until he realized that watching could be fun... Specifically, watching his extremely talented, extremely hot boyfriend kick bad-guy butt to the gravel.

Tim knew almost everything technical about the way Jason fought; he had to, that's how he worked. But he'd never previously stopped to just watch it from a more... Artistic perspective. To see the precise angle his leg raised to during a roundhouse, or to hear the near-satisfied groan down the mic in his helmet that followed a really secure knockout. Tim really did want to pretend that it wasn't thigh-tremblingly hot, but there was no way to deny. Especially when he'd have to bite back a moan every time Jason acknowledged his presence, with a quick update comment, or glance into a public surveillance camera.

It was all so crazy intense to Tim that he could be watching his boyfriend like this, getting off a little on every movement, while Jason himself had no idea. It always made his breathing hitch and his boxers tight. And up until this point he really had no indication that he was a complete pervert. Maybe he wasn't? Maybe this was normal? The thrill of the forbidden... He always loved the forbidden. Jason was a testament to that.

But, all in all, his little routine worked well for him! Pretending to work on various cases for as long as possible, before having his eye caught by the way Jason threw a fucking right hook, damn. Then, quickly looping the in-cave surveillance (he would literally beg Kon to throw him into the sun if Bruce ever found out about this), and jerking off under the desk. Followed by swiftly cleaning himself up and ignoring the shame he felt next time he spent any time with Jason.

But there was a problem. Because a week in, shit started getting serious.

It began with Jason sitting in on some of Dick's little, impromptu stretch class sessions in the soft matted sparring area in the cave. Tim had just been finishing working on some DNA samples Bruce needed chasing up, and he really didn't mean to listen in... But then, he heard his name. And he was far too intrigued to go upstairs after that!

"C'mon, Jay!" Dick had laughed, and it was obvious they were just using this time to chat now (good, Tim had surmised, they never did seem to get to spend enough time together). "It's Tim! You've been with him almost a year now, d'you really think he's that close-minded about this stuff?"

"No." Jason responded almost too quickly. "If anything, Tim's too open-minded when it comes to sex!"

Past the other boys' laughter, Tim's tummy tightened with excitement and anticipation. They were talking about his sex life... And they didn't even know he could hear it all.

"Is there such a thing?" Dick teased, his tone sweet and somehow too innocent for the conversation.

"Good point!" Jason's voice was light and easy, and Tim could imagine the smug smirk that looked just way too hot on him... "But yeah... Tim's like- he's everything, in bed, y'know? God, he's just-"

And then Jason released the most primal, passionate groan Tim have ever heard from him. Tim blinked back in surprised arousal. Still, he leant closer to the wall, listening in closely.

"Okay, okay! Don't give yourself an aneurism!" Dick laughed, and Tim could just imagine Jason blushing (in that perfect way he did when he hoped no one would notice).

"Shut up!" The yelp of displeasure jumped out of Dick as Jason obviously punched him on the arm in protest to his big brother's teasing.

"Relax!" Dick forced through his laughter. "It's nice to see you two... Getting along."

"Holy shit, I know." Jason sighed happily. "Seriously, Dick, you have no idea what the kid does to me. And when he struts around the apartment in just my shirt - pretending he doesn't know I'm definitely watching - he has thighs to kill! Like seriously! His legs could literally destroy a man!"

"They probably have in the past! He gets that from me!" Dick noted proudly, but Tim was too busy just totally swooning to listen. Jason liked his legs? Despite their ongoing relationship, Tim still found it unbelievable that someone a hot at Jason could even want to take a glance at him that way. Let alone actually find him attractive!

"You're such an ass!" Jason's laughter snapped Tim from euphoric enjoyment of listening in on his brothers' private thoughts. "And I gotta get going! He's probably waiting for me!"

"Shit!" Tim hissed under his breath, ducking away from the wall and quick-shuffling to the desk. Falling against the chair slightly as his tried to sit, he jolted his sling-ed arm and yowled out in pain.

"Woah, babe!" Tim started at Jason's sudden appearance beside him. "Careful with yourself, you dingus! What are you even still doing here?"

"Oh, Umm!" Tim bit his lip, temporarily forgetting that he actually did have a genuine reason for being here. "Yes! DNA profiling! For Bruce!"

Tim threw a terrible attempt of a sincere expression over his shoulder, just in time to catch Jason and Dick's shared smirk...

-----

The second time Tim struck gold (and by gold, he meant watching in on something slightly more explicit than just Jason flipping a gun and revving a bike) came two weeks after the stretch session incident. It was Tim's final week being essentially grounded, and he'd be lying if he said he wasn't getting super restless about being benched at this point. But it hadn't been too difficult to drag his mind away from moping when he caught sight of Jason's patrol route that evening.

His boyfriend really seemed to be enjoying his night out in Gotham. Every move he made was somehow even more smooth and clean than usual, and Tim could tell from the satisfied laughter that punctuated eat hit that Jason knew it, too.

Tim was entranced, totally spellbound by Jason's pleasure in his own skill. The smugness in his body language made Tim shiver with a sense of sensual familiarity. It was the same sort of smug as that that was in the smirks Jason would throw him when they'd fool around and Jason just knew whatever he was doing was getting to Tim. It was Tim's favourite kind of smugness...

But just as Tim was getting to enjoy himself - like, really enjoy himself - watching Jason take on three gang thugs at once, it was suddenly all over, and Jay had them all easily taken out. Tim pouted a little at this, disappointed that the show he'd been enjoying so very much had apparently ended, and moved to switch screens, maybe replay the last few minutes just to finish getting off to...

But then he noticed the urgency in Jason's step as he slipped out of view of the camera Tim was currently working from, into a shadowed alleyway, and Tim quickly snapped his feed to Jason's in-helmet surveillance.

Jason had his head tipped back, looking up at the night sky, the camera stable enough that Tim could figure out he was obviously lent back against a wall. It was then that Tim noticed the heavy breathing coming from Jason's mic.

Suddenly concerned his partner might be hurt, Tim grabbed frantically for the earpiece mic he'd earlier shut off and shoved across the desk. Clumsily fumbling the buttons, he opened his mouth to desperately demand Red Hood's status when he was cut off but the lewdest moan he'd ever heard Jason make.

He dropped the mic and stared at the screens in front of him, more - now explicitly sexual - groans following the first. His cheeks flushed a dark pink as he frantically searched for any nearby shops or buildings that had any CCTV he could get into nearby. Within a minute, he was messily typing in code to take ownership of a camera that he could turn directly to Jason's position and-

He fell back into his chair heavily, eyes wide and jaw hanging open. No fucking way was he this lucky. No. Way. He flicked the keyboard to zoom in - to be certain. And - yes - that was definitely Jason Todd palming his cock through his uniform, halfway down a dingy alley. Tim Drake had to be dead, 'cause this was heaven.

Tim returned his own hand to his cock at this sight, though he was totally unsure of how he could last very long at this rate. He was drowning in the sounds of Jason's pretty gasps and moans as it was, but the moment Jason cautiously flicked his head from side to side to check nobody could see him, Tim was gone. Far too surrounded by the satisfaction of getting this private show to last any longer...

-----

Tim felt a little sentimental on his last night stuck in the cave. He spent the evening spinning on his chair, watching the tiny figures hop across the monitor screens, and somehow managing not to get turned on by every little movement Jason Todd made. He knew he'd was set to go back on patrol tomorrow, so he was really making the most of getting to play Oracle one last time. Despite how easily he'd gotten distracted recently, and how frustrating it was to be grounded, he really did enjoy the 'clever-guy surveillance job'. And so, he totally revelled in his last night on the job, feeling suitably like Q from the James Bond films he'd watch with Dick on the weekends.

All in all, it was a clean, successful evening in Gotham - perfectly mundane, by all accounts (and maybe he was a little disappointed at that). And every was back in the cave, safe, fairly early that night (bar Jason, who chose instead to go straight home and skip Bruce's compulsory, post-patrol briefing), Bruce subtly ruffling Tim's hair and telling him to get to bed, before they all left him alone to shut off the monitors.

As usual when Jason bailed pre-briefing, Tim set to checking the surveillance in he and Jason’s go-to safe house to ensure he got home alright. Mindlessly clicking through the cameras in each room searching for Jay’s presence, Tim considered whether he’d bother to pop across tonight. Jason would probably be tired after patrol and he really wasn’t sure if it was worth it. And then he was checking Jason’s bedroom and choking on his coffee. Because – he noted as he, once more, wondered how in hell he got this lucky – Jason was totally lay back on his bed; half undressed; one hand balled up in the spare cape Tim had left in the safe house, pushed to his lip; the other moving tight and fast around his cock.

Tim outwardly gasped at the sight, as he whipped his head around to check everyone was definitely out of the cave, before settling his wide eyes back on the screen. Slipping his head set on, he flicked up the volume and settled back into his seat. Every gasp from Jason’s lips went straight to his cock and sent thrilled shivers down his spine, but it had nothing on the way his boyfriend groaned his codename out through gritted teeth. Tim’s eyes rolled back as that moment alone almost made him cum in his boxers. He watched, entranced, as Jason twisted Tim’s cape up tighter and tighter around his fist – even through the slightly pixilated feed, Tim could see the fabric straining.

“Fuck… Red Robin…”

Tim let out a squeak of guilt-ridden arousal at the sound of his name from Jason’s lips. He resisted touching himself, because he knew he wouldn’t last if he did. It was all too much – seeing Jason so vulnerable and exposed this way. Attempting to remove his mind from overthinking that point too much, he refocused his eyes on the screen. On Jason.

“Tim…” Jason moaned out again, causing Tim to let his eyes fall closed, “You enjoying- mmm- the show, babe?”

Tim’s eyes snapped open. What?!

“Know you’re there, Timmy…” Jay laughed through his laboured breaths, his fist around his cock slowing just slightly.

Heart racing, Tim flicked on the mic and connected to Jason’s earpiece, “…hi?”

“That all you got to say?” Jason followed up the words with a deep moan and a thrust up into his hand.

“I’m sorry..?” Tim cringed at the way his own voice shook through the words.

Jason released another breathless huff of laughter, “For this time, or all of them?”

He knew? Tim shuddered, caught between humiliated and even more turned on. “All of them..?”

“Here’s the- mmf! -Here’s the deal,” Jay started, “You get here before I cum, you’re forgiven, you lil creep!”

“I- Umm…”

“Now, Tim!” Jason gasped out, and Tim was out of his seat and disconnecting the feed quicker than he’d ever done anything else in the cave ever before…

-----

I hope you liked it. Again, I’m REALLY sorry!

[davidmann95]

What's your Marvel Starter Pack?

My Marvel knowledge isn’t nearly as extensive as what I have for DC, so this’ll be scaled back to 12 books from the 15 I had there (nevermind Superman and Batman’s own personal lists). Additionally, since Marvel’s even more about Right Now than DC, nothing here is earlier than the turn of the century; a lot of my older recommended reading is by my dad’s suggestion since he had plenty of firsthand experience with the Silver and Bronze ages. Also worth noting that my Marvel tastes don’t exactly fall in line with the general sensibilities of Tumblr or fandom at large - I’m not a big X-Men guy, for instance - so your results may vary. But anyway, again, if you’re following me but new to actually collecting comics and wondering what to look into to gauge your interests, I’ve got plenty for you.

1. Daredevil by Mark Waid

What it’s about: Blinded as a child pushing an old man out of the path of an oncoming truck transporting radioactive waste, Matt Murdock grew up to become a lawyer, encouraged by his pugilist father Battlin’ Jack Murdock not to rely on his fists as he had throughout life. But when Jack was murdered for refusing to throw a fight, Matt was forced to rely on the talents he had developed in secret under his sensei Stick - the same isotopes that took away his sight boosted his remaining four to superhuman levels, as well as granting him a 360° awareness of his surroundings he termed his ‘radar sense’ - to find justice for his father and those like him, becoming the vigilante Daredevil. Now, after a crimefighting career marked by agony, loss, and an increasingly deteriorating psyche, his identity has been unofficially exposed by the tabloid press…but attempting to turn around both his life and his mental health, Matt’s chosen to try and re-embrace the good in both his daytime career and in the thrill of his adventures as the Man Without Fear.

Why you should read it: Aside from being in my opinion the most influential superhero comic of the decade, Mark Waid’s tenure on Daredevil is the complete package of superhero comics. Energizing, gorgeous, accessible, character-driven, innovative, and bold, it’s a platonic ideal of Good Superhero Comics, and most especially Good Marvel Superhero Comics, and as such there’s little better place to start.

Further recommendations if you liked it: Shockingly, few modern Marvel titles seem to operate on a similar frequency to this run, even among those that clearly wouldn’t have existed without it; of those I don’t mention in one capacity or another below, the only modern books that leap out to me as being of a similar breed are Roger Langridge and Chris Samnee’s (the latter ending up the primary artist on Waid’s Daredevil) tragically cut short Thor: The Mighty Avenger, Dan Slott and Mike Allred’s Silver Surfer, and Al Ewing’s Contest of Champions. Given the classic mood it evokes, you might also be interested in some of Marvel’s older stuff in general - as probably most conveniently packaged in the Essential volumes - as well as the more recent Marvel Adventures line of all-ages titles. For hornhead himself, most of his classic work tends to operate in a pitch-black noir mood that much of Waid’s run is meant to contrast; if you want to delve into it, go to Frank Miller’s run (primarily Born Again), then Brian Bendis’s followed by Ed Brubaker’s and, following Waid, Chip Zdarsky’s (the Charles Soule run in the middle seems largely forgettable).

2. Marvels

What: Following the career of photojournalist Phil Sheldon - beginning in World War II with the rise of the likes of the Human Torch, Namor, and Captain America, and forward into the reemergence of superheroes with the Fantastic Four - Marvels shows what the battles that define a world look like to the helpless spectators, from the controversy surrounding mysterious vigilantes such as Spider-Man, the fear of the “mutant menace” represented by the X-Men, and the terror when the planet is first truly threatened at the hands of Galactus.

Why: As well as being one of Marvel’s best and most defining works period - this is Kurt Busiek and Alex Ross’s coming out party as two of the most significant names in the genre, and it articulates Marvel’s avowed “it’s the world outside your window!” philosophy better than perhaps any other title - Marvel is ruled by history and continuity in a way DC isn’t. The latter may have reboots to contend with, but Marvel has a much more upfront and consistently significant timeline of what happened when and what’s important, and if you’re going to have to immerse yourself in that ridiculous lore, there’s no more fulfilling way of getting an injection of pure backstory than this.

Recommendations: There’s a follow-up by Busiek, Roger Stern and Jay Anacleto titled Marvels: Eye of the Camera; I haven’t read it yet myself, but given the pedigree involved I can’t imagine it’s anything less than entirely solid. For other Major Marvel Events, the defining one of the 21st century is Mark Millar and Steve McNiven’s Civil War, which set a tone that still reverberates through the line; also worth checking out the recent Marvel Legacy oneshot, which seems to be laying the groundwork for things to come. Speaking of setting a tone, while it’s not directly ‘relevant’ continuity-wise, Millar also worked with Bryan Hitch on Ultimates 1 & 2, which proved to be the aesthetic model for the current wave of Marvel movies and added plenty of ideas that have been extensively mined since. History of the Marvel Universe by Mark Waid and Javier Rodriguez fits its title and is absolutely worth a library checkout, but is mainly a rote checklist elevated by all-timer artwork.

3. Kieron Gillen and Jamie McKelvie’s Young Avengers

What: The heroes of the group once known as the ‘Young Avengers’ have gone their separate ways, each trying to figure things out on the cusp of adulthood. But when Wiccan’s attempt at helping his boyfriend goes horribly wrong - mixed in with a pint-sized god of mischief’s machinations, an interdimensional bruiser’s attempts at routing him, and non-Hawkguy Hawkeye’s extraterrestrial hookup - the gang’s forced back together again and on the run before old age literally swallows them whole.

Why: Here’s the bummer truth, daddy-o: I am not, in the common parlance, down with the hep cats, at least as far as gateway young-readers Marvel books go. I flipped through Runaways and wasn’t compelled to pick it up; I kept on with Ms. Marvel for a couple years but always on the edge of falling out of my monthly pile. Unless it’s truly next-level spectacular or heart-pouring-out sincere, gimme superfolks routing fiendish plots and going on trippy adventures any day over a bunch of sad kids in tights figuring out adolescence all over again: Spidey already did it first and better, and when emotionally-down-to-Earth superhero comics do get me fired up it’s usually set a little later on in life (even when I was the target audience for this sort of thing). But fire it through Gillen/McKelvie laser neon sexytime pop, and suddenly you’re in business. Slick, smart, raw, and wild, this was the best comic of 2013, and’ll certainly go down as one of the best superhero titles of this decade, Marvel as the Cool Kids of superherodom dialed up to 11.

Recommendations: Nothing else quite like this out there - the closest in feeling is Grant Morrison and J.G. Jones’ excellent original Marvel Boy miniseries, though that’s more about becoming a 20-something out in the world in the sense of wanting to burn it all down to the ground - but as I said, Runaways and Ms. Marvel do generally appeal to the same audience (and to be clear, I did like the latter just fine), as do the original Young Avengers run and Avengers Academy. Personally, I checked out and liked Avengers Arena, where all the fun teen heroes got forced into Hunger Gamsing each other on a murder island run by Arcade, followed up by them breaking bad in Avengers Undercover - please note that I’m like one of the three people on Earth who liked this book as opposed to ravenously despising it, which probably has in part do to with my lack of prior attachment to the characters involved. Also, important to note that this book is in the middle of a thematic Loki trilogy, preceded by Gillen’s Journey Into Mystery (which I haven’t read but don’t for a second doubt the quality of), and completed by Al Ewing and Lee Garbett’s truly magnificent Loki: Agent of Asgard; also worth noting that these books, and really modern Loki as a whole, are deeply rooted in Robert Rodi and Esad Ribic’s Thor & Loki: Blood Brothers. And for perfect entry books, I don’t think there’s much of anything better out there, especially for young readers, than Ryan North and Erica Henderson’s The Unbeatable Squirrel Girl, one of Marvel’s most consistently high-quality ongoings of the last several years.

4. Hawkeye: My Life As A Weapon

What: Clint Barton, aka Hawkeye, aka Hawkguy, is the Avenger who’s Just A Dude. No super-steroids and vita-rays, no magic hammer or Pym particles, a distinct lack of multi-billion dollar armor or immortality serum. Dude has a bow and arrow, and while he is very, very good with that bow and arrow, he still gets his ass kicked a frankly disproportionate amount relative to his teammates. Between meeting a dog, buying a car, and hanging out with friends - even if each incident goes significantly more wrong that they would for anyone other than Clint Barton, with non-Hawkguy Hawkeye Kate Bishop typically along for the ride - this is what he gets up to when he’s not helping save the world.

Why: Gonna show my heresy again: I’m not actually over the moon about Fraction/Aja’s Hawkeye past the first arc. But that first arc? Man oh man oh man, are they about as good as Marvel gets. This is absolute next-level storytelling on every front, with Aja and Pulido pulling out all the stops and Fraction - who by all accounts thinks more about the process of how comics work than anyone else in the field - just pouring heart and style all over the thing. It’s as tight and energetic as comics get, and the perfect introduction to Marvel’s street-level corner.

Recommendations: Aside from the rest of this run, there’s the recent Hawkeye (starring the non-Hawkguy Hawkeye Kate Bishop) by Kelly Thompson and Leonardo Romero, and there’s a generous helping of Hawkguy in Ales Kot and Michael Walsh’s Secret Avengers, a book as tight and out-of-the-box and oddly joyous in its own way as this. If you’re looking for other Marvel material that gets this explicitly experimental and afield of the house style, go for Jim Steranko’s much-loved work with Nick Fury. And for the other, considerably grimmer side of the street, aside from the Daredevil stuff I mentioned above, check out anything and everything you can get your hands on from Garth Ennis’s work with the Punisher, along with Greg Rucka’s and Jason Aaron’s.

5. Moon Knight: From The Dead

EDIT: This list was written prior to allegations made against Warren Ellis. It’s your money, but while I’d still recommend checking the book out of the library - the quality of the work isn’t going to change now that it’s out there in the universe - if you’re looking to pad your bookshelf I might recommend skipping to some of the books suggested below in its place.

What: Marc Spector was a mercenary until the day he died, betrayed in the desert before an Egyptian temple by his comrades…and then he kept going. No one knows for sure whether the truth is what his doctors have to say - that sharing his head with the likes of Steven Grant and Jake Lockley is a manifestation of DID, and he’s a profoundly sick man - or his own interpretation - that his fragile human personality buckled and shattered before the immensity when dying by its temple, he bowed his head at death’s door to the moon god Khonshu and let it seize his soul. Whatever the truth, he now knows his purpose: to defend travelers by night from whatever horrors would cross their path.

Why: There’s no story as such to be told here; Ellis and Shalvey simply show six adventures over six issues that establish Moon Knight and the scope of what he’s capable of when handled properly, ranging from straightforward detective work to psychedelic journeys through a rotting dream to a jaw-dropping issue-long fight scene. Marvel has a proud history of material skewing slightly to the left of the rest of their output, tonally and conceptually, and this is your ideal gateway to Weird Marvel.

Recommendations: For the further adventures of Moon Knight, by recommendation would be Max Bemis and Jacen Burrows’ current volume, which is following up on the seeds Ellis and Shalvey laid down quite satisfactorily, with a few twists of their own on top. Ellis himself used Moon Knight before this in his run on Secret Avengers with a number of different artists, which was very much a precursor to his work above in its high-concept done-in-one style; also check out his book Nextwave with Stuart Immonen, which is as out there as it gets for Marvel and also the best comic ever. Delving into Marvel’s spooky side, if this did anything at all for you absolutely get all of Al Ewing and Joe Bennett’s massively and rightfully acclaimed The Immortal Hulk (and if you’re looking for more something more traditional with the Green Goliath, Mark Waid’s The Indestructible Hulk is a hoot). If you really want to go to ground zero of Weird Marvel, you’re in the market for Steve Gerber’s work, primarily Defenders and his own creation Howard the Duck (who had another very entertaining via Chip Zdarsky and Joe Quinones recently worth checking out). Another notably out-there character worth checking out is She-Hulk, particularly in Dan Slott’s run and Charles Soule/Javier Pulido’s. Two more figures existing on Marvel’s weirder end are Doctor Strange - whose ‘classic’ work would as I understand it be Steve Englehart and Frank Brunner’s run, and who’s worth checking out more recently in Brian K. Vaughan and Marcos Martin’s miniseries The Oath, Jason Aaron and Chris Bachalo’s run, and Donny Cates and Gabriel Hernandez Walta’s - and the Inhumans - while contemporary attempts to push them have been a failure, there have been excellent individual successes in Ellis, Gerardo Zaffino, and Roland Boschi’s Karnak, Al Ewing and company’s Royals, and Saladin Ahmed and Christian Ward’s Black Bolt. And I’d be remiss in the extreme not to bring up Gabriel Walta and Tom King’s Vision, which I don’t want to give anything away of, but has a serious claim to being the best thing Marvel’s ever published.

6. Ultimate Spider-Man by Bendis & Bagley

What: When bitten by a genetically mutated spider Peter Parker thought he could use his newfound powers to make a quick buck, and come on, you already know this.

Why: This is the foundational modern Spider-Man. The first arc’s aged a little wonky in bits as Bendis was trying to make late-90s/early-00s Teen Slang work, but by and large, Brian Bendis and Mark Bagley’s original 111-issue tenure on Ultimate Spider-Man reimagining his early years was pound-for-pound one of Marvel’s all-time most engaging, exciting, dramatic, and authentic long-term runs. This is the template for every movie (especially Homecoming) and TV show he’s had in the last decade, a sizable part of what got me into comics in the first place, and one of the company’s most reliable perennials. You want to get onboard with maybe the most popular superhero in the world, you do it here.

Recommendations: With the remainder of the list I’m getting into more character/concept-specific reccs, and for other great Spider-Man, your best bet truly is the classic early material by Stan Lee, Steve Ditko, and John Romita as collected in the Essential volumes, which has aged unbelievably well compared to its contemporaries; Bendis’s post-Bagley material just doesn’t hold up, even with the introduction of fan-favorite Miles Morales. For other ‘classics’, your best bests are Spider-Man: Blue, and by my understanding the runs of Roger Stern and J.M. DeMatteis, particularly the latters’ Kraven’s Last Hunt. For the modern stuff, Chip Zdarksy’s current Peter Parker: The Spectacular Spider-Man is just getting better and better, I’ve heard very good things about Spider-Man Loves Mary Jane, I personally enjoyed Mark Millar and (at his peak) JMS’s runs, and while most agree Dan Slott’s soon-concluding decade-long tenure on the character has outstayed its welcome, he’s also turned in some stone-cold classics like No One Dies and Spider-Man/Human Torch, as well as other entertaining work such as the original Renew Your Vows and Superior Spider-Man. Most recently, Chip Zdarsky’s work with the character in The Spectacular Spider-Man and the high-concept out-of-continuity miniseries Spider-Man: Life Story are some of Mr. Parker’s all-time best, while Tom Taylor’s Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man is a charming relatively small-scale superhero adventure book, and Saladin Ahmed and Javier Garron’s Miles Morales: Spider-Man is easily the best possible introduction to that guy.

7. Thor: God of Thunder Vol. 1

What: Though Thor, the god of thunder and mighty Avenger, has faced limitless threats to even divine life and limb over his many millennia, only one figure has ever truly frightened him. Now, as he discovers a serial killer of deities is loose in the cosmos, he must turn to his past and future alike in order to survive the coming of the God-Butcher.

Why: The pick on this list most directly relevant to those coming in from the movies right now, I’m afraid that while a bit of this was plucked for Ragnarok, this isn’t remotely on the same wavelength. This is black metal death opera screamed through the megaphone of wild space-spanning superheroics, and not only is it the best Thor comic, it’s the perfect introduction to Marvel’s cosmic side.

Recommendations: Along with the Loki books I namechecked above, the defining run on Thor (though the rest of his continuing work there is also very much worth checking out) is Walter Simonson, which laid down a lot of the fundamentals of the character as he exists today; along with that and the rest of Aaron’s run, my understanding is that Lee/Kirby’s original run holds up very well. For more satisfying fight comics, I’d also suggest World War Hulk, and I hear Marvel’s early Conan comics were standouts. On the cosmic end, I know the Guardians of the Galaxy are where it’s at these days; they sprang to life in their current incarnation in the much-loved Annihilation, and while I haven’t been reading their current Gerry Duggan/Aaron Kuder run, it’s well-liked and probably a good place to drop on, as would be the recent Chip Zdarsky/Kris Anka Starlord, and I’d personally recommend Al Ewing and Adam Gorhan’s Rocket. Beyond them, Jonathan Hickman’s comics are where it’s really at, from his Fantastic Four to S.H.I.E.L.D. to Ultimates to Avengers/New Avengers to the big finale to his overarching story in Secret Wars; it’s a complicated reading order to figure out, but oh-so-worth it.

8. Iron Man: Extremis

What: Faced with the horrors of his amoral past and the questions of a future coming quicker than he can manage, Tony Stark faces his most dangerous enemy yet when experimental post-human body modification tech is let loose into the world and lands in the hands of a white supremacist terrorist cell.

Why: More than anything other than Robert Downey Jr. smirking and quipping, this story is the definitive model for the modern Iron Man, taking a C-lister most notable for dealing with alcoholism decades earlier and hanging out on the B-list team in the Avengers (at least until 2012), and redefining his personality, aesthetic, and role in the 21st century as a man who might be smart enough to save the world if he can ever pull together enough to somehow save himself from his own compromises and weaknesses. The road to this guy becoming a household name is paved here.

Recommendations: Prior to this, his biggest stories were Demon in a Bottle, showing his first reckoning with his alcohol abuse, and Denny O’Neil’s 40-issue run introducing Obadiah Stane and showing Stark’s darkest hour as he sinks completely into his illness. Post-Ellis, the big run is Matt Fraction and Salvador Larroca, which seizes both on the ideas here and the momentum granted by his Hollywood debut to cement his status as an A-lister; after that check out Kieron Gillen’s, which is not only a fun big-idea series in its own right but paves the way for Al Ewing’s spinoff Fatal Frontier, easily one of Iron Man’s best and most overlooked titles. Finally, while it was derided in its own time (that it was a spinoff of an event that turned him evil but the comic never especially explained the circumstances didn’t help), Superior Iron Man is also worth a look as a horrifying contrast to the rest of these.

9. Captain America: Man Out Of Time

What: A sickly young man who volunteered to participate in an experimental super-soldier program to serve his country in World War II, Steve Rogers became Captain America and protected the world from the Nazis with unimaginable courage and distinction, until the day he died disarming a drone plane rigged to blow aimed at America’s shores. He was honored throughout history…until the day he was found alive by the Avengers, frozen in the Atlantic and ready to emerge into the lights of the 21st century when needed most. Most people know that story. This is the story of what happened next.

Why: The search for the definitive statement on Captain America is one that’s driven his character for decades: after all, handling him doesn’t just mean talking about one man’s character, but the character of a nation. Successes are typically qualified, but one of the more successful creators in the pool is Mark Waid, who’s up to his fourth time at bat with Steve right now on the main book. His own most notable effort however is here, showing Rogers’ earliest days post-iceberg as he adjusts to living in what is to him the far-flung future, seeing the ways the nation has both surpassed his wildest dreams and fallen short of his humblest expectations, leaving him in the end to make the choice of whether this is truly the world he wants to defend.

Recommendations: As I mentioned, Waid’s had a few times up at bat with Captain America, and while he initial 90s stints might not be ideal for new readers for a number of reasons, his current run with frequent partner Chris Samnee is a solid crowdpleaser and a perfect place to jump onboard. Prior to that, worth checking out are Jim Steranko’s bizarre and transformative 3-issue run, Steve Englehart’s legendary Secret Empire (not the recent contentious Marvel event comic, to be clear), Ed Brubaker’s turn of the character towards grounded espionage, and his co-creator Jack Kirby’s bombastic, passionate 1970s tenure on the Captain. Currently, Ta-Nehisi Coates’ run is quite solid. Regarding related characters, for the Winter Soldier I’d suggest Ales Kot and Marco Rudy’s unconventional cosmic thriller Bucky Barnes: Winter Soldier; Black Widow had her own recent and excellent Mark Waid/Chris Samnee run, and I’d also recommend the one-shot Avengers Assemble 14AU by Al Ewing and Butch Guice, and issue #20 from Warren Ellis’s previously mentioned time on Secret Avengers; for Black Panther, his definitive runs are under Don McGregor and Christopher Priest, and I’d also note Jason Aaron and Jefte Palo’s Secret Invasion arc as showing T’Challa at his best.

10. Fantastic Four By Waid & Wieringo

What: Bathed in cosmic radiation on an ill-fated journey to the stars, Reed Richards, Sue and Johnny Storm, and Ben Grimm were transformed, and became the Fantastic Four, first family of an age of heroes! Now, years into their careers and with Reed and Sue’s young children in tow, they continue to explore new frontiers, whether battling a sentient equation gone mad, contending with an extradimensional roach infestation, or perhaps most perilous of all, Johnny trying to deal with getting a real job.

Why: Plenty consider the Fantastic Four one of Marvel’s most difficult groups to get right, but Waid and Wieringo nail the formula here as well as anyone ever has, just the right mix of high adventure and family dynamics to draw just about anyone in; this is as crowdpleasing as comics get and the perfect introduction to the best superhero team out there.

Recommendations: The FF’s another group where it’s worth going back to their earliest days of Lee and Kirby; while much of the writing’s aged awkwardly at best, they’re the absolute foundational comics of the entire universe and lay down concepts that are still getting use today throughout that universe. Past that initial run, John Byrne and Walter Simonson’s are among the best by reputation, as well as Jonathan Hickman’s as I discussed before (Mark Millar and Bryan Hitch’s is worth tracking down as well, especially since concepts there end up feeding directly into Hickman). For more outside-the-box material, Joe Casey and Chris Weston’s First Family is worth a look, as is Grant Morrison and Jae Lee’s 1234. And for the all-time best showing of bashful Benjamin J. Grimm, the ever-lovin’ blue-eyed Thing, find Marvel Two-In-One Annual #7 to see him defend the entire planet in a boxing match at Madison Square Garden. And while the team’s sadly off the table at the moment, Thing and the Torch are returning in Chip Zdarsky and Jim Cheung’s new volume of Marvel Two-In-One as they set out to find their missing family.

11. Mighty Avengers by Al Ewing

What: When Thanos takes to the skies as Earth’s Mightiest Heroes are off-planet, it’s a day unlike any other, as those left standing are forced to band together as the Mighty Avengers. And as the danger passes, the team remains, looking to truly work alongside those they protect rather than above them to make things better, even as forces conspire in the background to enslave them all.

Why: This title is something of a limitus test, in that it’s one where you’ll have to deal with it being constantly, infuriatingly forced to deal with crossover nonsense. It’s one of the big prices to pay for engaging with a larger universe, but the trade-off is that this is where Al Ewing gets set loose on the Marvel universe, drawing on every weird corner to pull together a run of genuine moral intent, note-perfect character work, and all-out adventure. This may be the ‘secondary’ team, but it’s as perfect as the Avengers have ever gotten.

Recommendations: The title itself is relaunched as Captain America and the Mighty Avengers, and as that ends but Ewing continues his time at Marvel, the characters and concepts end up divided among a number of titles: Contest of Champions, where a number of heroes are plucked from the timestream to duel for the power and amusement of the Grandmaster, New Avengers (later turned U.S.Avengers), where former X-Man Sunspot assembles a new team to act as a James Bond-ified international strike force, and Ultimates (later turned Ultimates2), where some of Earth’s most powerful and brilliant heroes band together to proactively defend against unimaginable cosmic threats; also try his mini-event Ultron Forever with Alan Davis sometime. Based on your response to numerous aspects of those titles, there’s a good chance you might be in the market for David Walker’s Luke Cage titles, Matt Fraction’s Defenders, and Jim Starlin’s cosmic 70s books such as Captain Marvel and Warlock (and make sure to read Nextwave at some point, Ewing actually follows up on that gonzo delight in some surprising ways here). For the ‘main’ team, aside from Hickman’s previously mentioned run - which while spectacular is pretty far afield of the usual tone - some suggestions might be Kurt Busiek and George Perez’s much-loved run, Roger Stern’s Under Siege, I have to imagine given the pedigree of the creators Earth’s Mightiest Heroes by Joe Casey and Scott Kolins, Brian Bendis’s extended ownership of the Avengers books, and The Kree-Skrull War.

12. Wolverine & The X-Men by Jason Aaron

What: Dwindled down to a few in a world that hates and fears them as much as ever, mutantkind has been split in two, with by-the-books Cyclops taking a hardline approach against oppression and feeling that the youth in the X-Men’s charge must be made ready to fight, while Wolverine has grown tired of throwing children into battle and has left to find a new way. Founding the Jean Gray School For Higher Learning, Logan’s found himself in the most unexpected role of all as a professor, fighting just has hard to keep the unimaginable high-tech academy and the hormonal super-powered student body in check as to fend off the supervillains inevitably sent their way.

Why: The X-Men aren’t exactly my forte, with a wobbly batting average at best over the years as the books devote at least as much effort to trying to juggle the continuity and soap opera demands as the actual sci-fi premise. There have been successes though, and few so geared towards new reader engagement as Wolverine & The X-Men, where Aaron strips the franchise down to the base essentials of a team living in a school for super-kids. It’s poppy, it’s weird, it’s touching, and it’s accessible. It’s the X-Men at its best.

Recommendations: The most direct predecessor to this run (aside from its actual lead-in miniseries X-Men: Schism, which is actually worth checking out) is Grant Morrison’s New X-Men, which takes the sci-fi aspects of the concept to the very limit in what I’m inclined to consider the best X-Men run, though it’s proven controversial over the years among longtime fans. The base of the team as it exists today is in Chris Clarmemont’s work, which I’m not wild about myself but has a few hits such as God Loves, Man Kills; if you’re looking for a modern update on the formula developed there, Astonishing X-Men by Joss Whedon and John Cassaday is probably your ticket (and the follow-up run by Warren Ellis is a great weird paramilitary sci-fi book for a bit). Jonathan Hickman’s relaunch is a radicaly and brilliant departure paving a new way forward; it’s perhaps best experienced after a bit of ‘traditional’ X-Men to understand the scale of the contrast, but check that out as soon as possible. For classic material, I understand the Roy Thomas/Neal Adams run was an early success, and Jeff Parker’s X-Men: First Class is by all accounts a charming look at the team’s earliest days. Jason Aaron’s work elsewhere on the X-Men proper was limited to the first 6 issues of the short-lived Amazing X-Men, but he had a very extended and successful tenure on Wolverine which would be my go-to recommendation for him; past that, Death of Wolverine actually satisfies, and All-New Wolverine starring his successor Laura Kinney was the best X-Men book on the stands for some time (writer Tom Taylor is also had a short-lived ‘proper’ X-book in X-Men: Red). As for the group’s many spin-offs, I’d suggest Rick Remender’s X-Force, Peter Milligan and Mike Allred’s X-Factor/X-Statix, and Joe Kelly and Ed McGuiness’s Spider-Man/Deadpool, which should serve as a decent introduction to the latter dude’s own oddball territory in the franchise along with the truly mad and utterly delightful You Are Deadpool.

[90sgrungewriter]

8. Untitled - Eddie Vedder

Status: Unedited 

Friday evening came very quickly. It was neering seven pm, and you were beginning to put your jacket on when there was an abrupt knock at the door. You quickly shrugged it on, and swiftly opened the door to greet whoever had come to pick you up. Jeff never clearly stated who it would be, but you didn't think it would be Eddie. But whatever, you were glad it was him.

"Hey you." You smiled. "Just let me grab my purse." that sounded really girly coming out of your mouth, but it really wasn't at all. Just a small black bag you threw over shoulder to carry your wallet, keys and smokes, and what not. He nodded. 

“Don’t worry, no rush. We’re not on till 8.” He reassured.

"Who's car did you take?" You asked out of curiosity, since you knew he didn't have one yet.

"Well we already got our shit at the venue, the guys are there already. Jeff just shot me the keys to the truck." He lifted his hand to show he held the familiar keys to the truck.

"Oh, alright, nice." You made your way back over to Eddie, before speaking once again.

"Are you excited?!" You shut the door behind the both of you, locking it.

"A little nervous actually. We wrote a few other new ones and theres this one...uh, i dont really know them by heart so I gotta use my lyric sheets." He said sheepishly, slugging his shoulders.

"Aw it's okay, Ed.  I'm sure you'll be fine. I know you'll do great." You patted his shoulder. He looked down at you and smiled.

"Thanks."

You two made your way to the truck and drove to the venue, making idle conversation. You could tell he was nervous and you wondered if this is what he looked like before the first show. Your mind fled back to the night you met him, when he was with Stone and Matt. He did seem a bit off...maybe that’s why. Poor guy.

"So how has Stone been? Better, I hope." It was a nice night, so you had the window rolled down a bit as he drove (kind of slow) down the Seattle streets. You didn't know why he was driving so slow though. You just brushed it off, he was probably just being safe and shit.

"Yeah, I think so. I mean...I don't really know what normal Stone is."

"Right, sorry. Uhm, less of an asshat then? Jeff told me he was being pretty bitchy the past few days." You kept forgetting he hadn’t been here for very long.

"Well yeah, I suppose he has, now that I think of it." He spoke after thinking to himself for a few moments.

"Hey, how long have you been here for now anyway?" You turned to look at him from your seat.

"It will be 2 weeks tomorrow, actually." You nodded your head and the rest of the way was silent. The radio was softly playing Bowie in the background whenever he pulled in the parking lot of the venue. You could faintly hear the loud rock music coming from the club. You wondered who else would be playing tonight.

The two of you walked side by side and made your way through the entrance. Looking around, you tried to spot anyone familiar, but after a few seconds of searching, Eddie's voice flooded your ears.

"I think most of the guys are in the back." He nodded his head toward the door that led backstage, hands in the pockets of his black leather jacket. You could feel the warmth of his breath tickle the side of your face, and your cheeks flushed a light pink.

"Oh, alright. Should we grab a drink first?" You suggested, you needed one after this week, for sure.

Ed nodded his head and you both made your way to the bar to grab a beer.

"So who else is playing tonight?" As of right now, there was no one up there, just the big speakers playing some punk rock songs.

"The Alice guys." He confirmed. Cool, this was going to be a good show.

Once you had your beers, you made your ways toward backstage. Once the two of you had arrived, you were greeted by a chorus of many different voices.

"Hi everyone." You smiled and waved, and Layne came up to you first. Most people went back to their conversations, and Ed was stolen away by Jeff fof something.

"How are you, Dani?" He hugged you gently, patting your back.

"Always good, you buddy?"

"Same old, same old." He shrugged his shoulders.

"Who's up first? Alice or Mookie?"

"Mookie." He smiled, and you nodded smilling back.

"Cool."

Looking around for a moment you spot Stone talking to Jerry and Sean when he caught you looking at him. He gave you a small grin and a light wave. You kindly gestured the same in return, glad things were back to normal.

"So...You and Eddie huh." Layne gave you a knowing smile. You gasped and punched his arm.

"What do you mean? Where the hell do you guys come up with this shit, goddamn." You shook your head, his laughter filling your ears.

"Hey, what're you two boneheads laughing at?" Mike Inez came up, smacking you and Layne on the back. You took another sip of your beer and rolled your eyes.

"Nothing, lame ass." You tried to get away from the topic that was Eddie, but sadly, it just never seemed to work for you.

"We were just talking bout Eddie." Layne shrugged his shoulders innocently. Mike raised his eyebrows up and down.

"Ooh, la la." He grinned and pinched your cheek lightly, while you tried swatting his hand away.

"Oh, shut up you guys. There’s nothing going on between Eddie and I." You assured them, and right as you said so, Jeff showed up out of butt fuck nowhere.

"For now." He grinned innocently. You were about to speak when he beat you to it. "Mookie guys are on in a half hour! He shouted, making sure they heard him, before quickly walking away to the food table. You just rolled your eyes and silently escaped the small forming group to sit down.

The backstage wasn't very big, but it wasn't too crowded with all of you in there either. There were two couches and a couple of chairs, and the table along the wall was filled with snacks and sodas. There was a fridge on the left side that had beer, and you drew a sigh of relief. At least you wouldn't have to go back out front to the bar for your next one.

You took a seat on one of the couches and talked to Sean, Jerry and Stone for a few a bit until it was time for the guys to get up there.

You bid them all good luck, as they made their way to the stage. You quickly grabbed another beer and walked over to the side of the stage. The curtain was pulled to the side, so you had a perfect side view of the guys. You knew this was going to be a good show. 

You could tell Eddie was nervous, and much like the first show, his eyes were glued to the ground. They played through a few songs, when things seemed to switch in him. And suddenly, his eyes weren't glued to the ground anymore, they were looking at you. You smiled wide and gave him a thumbs up, to which he replied with a fucking wink that almost made your knees buckle. His presence on stage grew, and you were completely mesmerized by him. 

They played a beautiful show, and there were a couple of new songs, to which he indeed was referring to a music sheet which lay on the stage floor in front of him. Brother had a real catchy guitar rift, so did Breath, and for some reason you felt you could listen to Eddie sing all day...But soon it all had to come to an end. Unfortunately. The Alice guys were all standing by your side the whole show, giving the boys some good support. You could tell they were happy for Stone and Jeff, things were slowly coming back together for them. The crowd cheered, and you knew they loved them.

The five sweaty guys came running off stage, but not before introducing Alice in Chains and before you knew it they were up there giving it their all. You loved Alice music, and you hadn't seen them play in a long while so you were going to enjoy it. 

You congratulated your boys on their awesome show, and they thanked you, with sweaty hugs from Jeff and Stone. You pushed them off, yelping out insults at them about how gross they were. Jeff just rustled your hair and left to go outside with the rest of the guys to get a few minutes of cool air. They would probably have a smoke too. You turned away and made your way back toward the side stage as you felt a sweaty hand touch your shoulder. You turned around to be greeted with a smile that could cure fucking cancer, you had seen his dimples up close before but you chose this moment to study even more, and you took notice in the tiny crinkles under his eyes when the smile reached its peak. It made your stomach flutter so much it felt like you were gonna puke for a second.

All the while you were probably staring very moronic at him right now, you seemed to be doing that more often than you would care to admit. Fuck sake.

"You alright?" His smile was slowly starting to fade into a look of confusion, but before it could fully be, you grabbed his arm gently.

"Yeah, sorry just uh-"he looked at you expectantly, nodding his head for you to continue, "was just thinking about uh-" you stuttered, your brain was still on his fucking dimples and you weren't thinking straight, "I was checking out your dimples." Fuck it, you replied honestly. To make it less awkward, you made it look like a sarcastic joke when you reached over and pinched the taunting fuckers lightly between your fingers. Eddie laughed.

"Oh, were you?" He asked teasingly, and you nodded, laughing and bringing your hand back down to your side. Ed looked down at his shoes and back up at you, his cheeks a light shade of pink, most likely from the pinching.

"So whats up, Ed?" you decided to let him speak so you could stop making and idiot out of yourself.

"I just wanted to- uh" this time, it was him stuttering, though you didn't know why. "just coming to watch the Alice guys.” 

Oh, okay.

"Okay, uhm-come on, we'll watch together." You smiled gesturing he come and follow you and he complied. You watched their show and soon the rest of the guys filed in as well, all of them standing with you now.

You loved the music you were hearing, you just couldn't say that enough. They were a group of very talented dudes. They flew through the rest of their set list and finished way too quickly for my liking. Once they came off stage it was their turn to get some fresh air outside.

You were halfway done your third beer by now, talking with Eddie and McCready about whatever. Glancing at the clock it read 9:18 PM, damn that flew by. At some point, Mike got up to grab another beer or something, and it was just Eddie. He sat quiet, as he twiddle his thumbs nervously. You were about to say something when he straightened up, averting his eyes to yours.

After a few more seconds of silence, you rose your brow in question, and he finally opened his mouth to speak.

"Are you uh-" he tore his eyes away for just a moment, struggling to spit out the rest of the sentence, before looking back into your crystal blue ones. "do you have any uh- plans tomorrow?" You chuckled at how many times he said 'uh' in that sentence. You hoped he didn't take that the wrong way, as he held a sheepish look upon his face. You were confused, why would he ask you that?

"Uh, none that I know of," you laughed softly, "just gotta work in the morning. Why, whats up?"

"Oh okay, I was uhm...wondering if you would like to hangout. With me." oh my god. "Maybe, just us two? If that’s not weird. I-" He sighed, not continuing his sentence before putting his face in his hands. "Fuck, I'm sorry. I've just been thinking and- my god this must sound really bad I just..." He struggled. You wanted to do something to make him calm down, but were speechless because you were confused at why he was acting so upset. So you stayed quiet, and decided to just give him a moment to pull his thoughts together.

"Me asking you that must make me look like a total fucking douchebag." He shook his head. What? Why would he think that?

"Ed, what are you saying? I'm sorry, I don't really understand..." You apologized, wishing in this moment you weren't so stupid.

"No no no, its not you please don’t apologize. Its just...Well, if I were you in your shoes, and you were in mine, if you were to ask me that I would think you just want to hang as a rebound or something..." He spoke truthfully. Now, you were beginning to understand. In the moment you were trying to keep a serious face when all you wanted to do was jump around with excitement over the fact that he actually wanted to hangout with you, alone. 

Yes, you hung out alone before, but that was probably him just trying to be nice cause you let him crash on your couch. You played it cool.

"Hey, you don't have to worry. I definitely don't think that of you, first of all." You grabbed his hands, which held his face, and gently placed them on his lap. When you were about to pull away, he laced his fingers with yours, and you locked eyes. You knew it wasn't like that, and he really didn't need to explain it. "I should be off work around 2, swing by sometime after that? We could figure something out." You smiled, not looking away from him. He smiled sheepishly in return. God, he was cute.

“Okay." He decided it was probably best to be short, and you couldn't help but let out a small giggle.

"Well well well, what do we have here." The smooth voice of Mr. Jeff fucking Ament woke you from your euphoric moment with Eddie, and you realised now how it must look to them. You quickly withdrew your hands at the same time as Ed did, and you spoke first.

"Fuck off, you two. What, you's are fucking stalkers now?" You stood up and nonchalantly flipped Jeff's pink hat off his head, and it fell to the floor. His reflexes were getting rusty.

"Hey!" He swatted his arm aimlessly at you, obviously missing as he went down to pick up his hat. Layne and Eddie were laughing as you walked over to grab yourself another beer.

The night led on, and you all had a great tine. You all talked and drank, like you normally did, but it would never get old to you. You loved these guys and you wouldn’t give up nights like these for anything. 

Time went by quickly, and before you knew it everyone was getting their shit together to head out. You bid your farewells to the Alice guys and you made your way over to the truck. Dave had taken his car here, so him and Mike went their ways as they lived the opposite way of the rest of us. You waved goodbye, and the guys stated they would plan studio dates tomorrow. 

As you were about to open the trucks door, a hand had already beat you to it. Eddie stood, sliding the door open with ease, and you blushed.

“Thanks Eddie.” 

“You’re welcome.” He winked, and slid the door closed once you were fully seated. You sighed.

Eddie Vedder would be the fucking death of you.

[organiclifestylemagazine]

Interview With Joel Salatin, Polyface Farms

Joel Salatin is an American farmer and author. He owns Polyface Farms, which is known for its small scale unconventional farming methods. Months ago I heard Joel on a Joe Rogan podcast and was immediately blown away. It’s not very often that we hear people discuss the gut microbiome on one of the most popular podcasts in the country.

Here’s that podcast. I highly recommend listening to it if you have the time.

Along with discussing the gut microbiome, Joel talked about his farm, Polyface Farms. Polyface Farms is located in Virginia, and they do things a little differently than most. The land that is now Polyface farms was purchased by Joel’s parents in 1961. They’re all about regenerative farming through sustainable practices, like pasture-raised meat, carbon sequestration, and working in a seasonal cycle.

In short, it’s a dream come true for someone like myself who is all about organic eco-friendly agriculture, so naturally, I had to ask Joel a couple of questions.

The older generation is a big fan of talking about life when they were young. My grandfather loves to talk about the fact that he was raised on cow’s milk, and he turned out “just fine.” The difference, of course, is that the milk he was raised on was unpasteurized small scale cows milk. What encouraged you to get into small scale sustainable farming? Does it relate back to how you were raised or did you have some sort of revelation in life? Feel free to comment on how things have changed if you have any thoughts on that.

My paternal grandfather was a charter subscriber to Rodale’s Organic Gardening and Farming Magazine when it came out in the late 1940s.  He always wanted to farm but never did.  He had a very large garden, though, and sold extra produce to neighbors and corner grocers.  My dad received his no-chemical indoctrination, then, from Grandpa, so I’m the third generation in the compost tradition.  My Dad was a financial wizard and did accounting work all his life.  After flying Navy bombers in WWII, he went to Indiana University on the GI bill and then headed off to Venezuela, South America as a bilingual accountant with Texas Oil Company.  His long-range goal was a farm in a developing country and Venezuela seemed as good as any.  After about 7 years he’d saved up enough to buy 1,000 acres in the highlands of Venezuela and began farming.  The goal was dairy and broilers. My older brother and I were born during that time, and things looked bright.  But then came a junta and the ouster of Peres Jimenez and animosity toward anything American; we fled the back door as the machine guns came in the front door; lost everything and after exhausting all attempts at protection, (we) came back to the U.S. Easter Sunday 1961, landing in Philadelphia. Mom grew up in Ohio and Texas and all their family was in Ohio and Indiana, but Dad’s heart was still in Venezuela and he hoped after the political turmoil settled to be able to return to our farm.  

With that in mind, he wanted to be within a day’s drive of Washington D.C. so he could get to the Venezuelan Embassy quickly and easily to do paperwork and return. That never happened, but it’s why we ended up in Virginia’s Shenandoah Valley.  When I hit 41, I remember thinking: “If I lost it all, would I start over?” That’s what Dad and Mom did in 1961. I was 4.  Dad did his accounting work, and Mom was a high school health and physical ed teacher; that off-farm income paid the mortgage and within 10 years the land was paid off.  Dad combined his ecology with his economic understanding to create some broad principles: animals move; mobile infrastructure; direct marketing; carbon-driven fertility.  I had my first flock of laying hens when I was 10 years old and then added a garden.  By 14 years old, I was our main salesman at the local Curb Market, a Depression-era hold-over that foreshadowed today’s farmers’ markets.  With only 3 vendors, it struggled but after a couple of years, we had a growing and steady clientele for our pastured meats, poultry, eggs, produce, and dairy products (yogurt, butter, cottage cheese). We closed it down when I went off to college and the other two elderly matrons at the market quite as well so by the time I came home, that market and all of its wonderful grandfathered food safety exemptions were gone forever.

I’ve always said we were about 20 years ahead of our time.  Operating that market during my teen years of early 1970s as the nascent back-to-the-land hippie movement germinated was not easy, but the lessons were invaluable when I returned to the farm and started building a clientele on my own in 1980, long before modern farmers’ markets. Teresa and I married in 1980, remodeled the attic of the farmhouse, and lived there for 7 years until Mom and Dad moved out from downstairs to a mobile home parked outside the yard.  My Mom’s mother had lived there for 10 years and passed away, making that spot available.  As an investigative reporter at the local daily newspaper, I realized every business was desperate for people who would show up on time, put in a full days’ work without whining, and actually creatively think through better ways of doing things all made me highly employable.  Living on $300 a month, driving a $50 car, growing all of our own, cutting our own firewood for winter warmth, not having a TV—all these things enabled us even without a high salary to squirrel away half the paycheck.  Within a couple of years we had saved enough to live on for a year.  I walked out of that office Sept. 24, 1982, with a one-year cash nest egg and the jeering of every person I knew”  “He’s throwing his life away.”  “All that talent and he’s going to waste it on a farm.” “Don’t you know you can’t make any money farming?”

We succeeded. 

While we were watching the podcast you did with Joe Rogan, my dad and I had several “Wow!” moments listening to you. One of us would be in the kitchen, and we would run into the living room where the podcast was playing, and share a look of absolute awe. “This guy is talking about the stuff that we talk about! And he’s on Joe Rogan!” We don’t know many people who talk about gut health the way we do. How did you learn about the importance of the body’s microbiome? Is there a correlation between your knowledge of the microbiome and how you run your farm? 

Perhaps the most profound truth in life is that everything we see floats in an ocean of invisible beings.  With electronic microscopes, we can now see many of these things, but because we can’t see them with the naked eye, they are not in our momentary conscience.  It’s hard to forget the microbes floating in the air, on our skin, in our eyes, nostrils, and intestines.  Our farm’s wellness philosophy stems from Antoine Béchamp, the French contemporary and nemesis of Louis Pasteur.  While Pasteur promoted the germ theory and busied himself destroying and sterilizing, Beauchamp advanced the terrain theory and encouraged people to think about basic immunity.  Rather than sterilization, he encouraged sanitation.  He encouraged folks to get more sleep, drink more and better water (much of the water at that time was putrid) and eat better food.  Along came Sir Albert Howard half a century later adding the soil dimension to this basic wellness premise.

In general, we believe nature’s default position is fundamentally wellness and if it’s not well, we humans probably did something to mess it up.  That’s a far cry from assuming wellness is like catching lightning in a bottle, and some sort of sickness fairy hovers over the planet dropping viral stardust willy nilly.  Sickness and disease, whether in humans, plants, or animals are not the problem in and of themselves; they simply manifest weaknesses developed in the unseen world.  Every sickness or disease we’ve ever had on our farm was our fault.  We may have selected the wrong seedstock, crowded things, created incubators for pathogens.  You can stress things a lot of different ways.  But our assumption when confronted with non-wellness is not to assume we missed a vaccine or a pharmaceutical, but rather to ask “what did we do to break down the immunological function of this plant or animal?”  That leads to far more profound truth than assuming we didn’t select the right connection from the chemistry lab.

The fact that today people actually talk about the microbiome in polite company is a fantastic societal breakthrough. Hopefully, it will continue.

The current “pandemic” resulted in a total collapse of our food chain at big grocery stores. While things have since calmed down and straightened out, many people are now aware of just how weak our food supply chain is. The obvious solution- buy small- scale, buy local. The obvious problem- buying meat the right way, (small scale and local) is expensive. Here where I am in Detroit we’ve got a great meat guy, but a couple of weeks ago I found myself at the Dekalb farmers market in Atlanta. I spent $9 for one pound of organic, grass-fed ground beef. What are your thoughts for people who are concerned about the costs of shopping ethically? On a broader scale, do you have any solutions to this? 

Price; it’s one of the biggest and most common questions.  So let’s tackle it on several fronts.

1.  Whenever someone says they can’t afford our food, I grab them by the arm and say “take me to your house.” Guess what I find there? Take-out, coffee, alcohol, sometimes tobacco, Netflix, People magazine, iPhones, flat-screen TV, tickets to Disney, lottery tickets—you get the drift. Very seldom does “I can’t afford it” carry any weight. We buy what we want, and that includes many folks below the poverty line.  

2.  Buy unprocessed. That $9 ground beef is still less than a fast food meal of equal nutritional value. Domestic culinary skills are the foundation of integrity food systems, and never have we had more techno-gadgetry to make our kitchens efficient. The average American spends fewer than 15 minutes a day in their kitchen. Nearly 80 percent of Americans have no clue at 4 p.m. what’s for dinner. In fact, the new catchphrase for millennials is “what’s dinner?” not “what’s for dinner?” So cooking from scratch is the number one way to reduce costs. Right now you can buy a whole Polyface pastured broiler, world-class, for less a pound than boneless skinless breast Tyson chicken at Wal-Mart. The most expensive heirloom Peruvian blue potato at New York City green markets is less per pound than Lay’s potato chips across the street. It’s about the processing.

3.  Buy bulk. Get a freeze and buy half a beef or 20 chickens at a time.  Buy a bushel of green beans and can them.  We buy 10 bushels of apples every fall and spend two days making applesauce; it’s cheaper than watery junk at the supermarket and is real food.  That’s not a waste of time; it’s kitchen camaraderie.  On our farm, we give big price breaks for volume purchasing because it’s simply more efficient to handle a $500 transaction than 25 $20 transactions.  This means, of course, that you must have a savings plan.  Half of all Americans can’t put their hands on $400 in cash.  That’s not an expensive food problem; that’s an endemic and profound failure to plan

Q: Here at OLM we’re a big fan of systems. We also have 10,000 square foot urban farm right in our back yard and are getting chickens very soon. Developing a farm feels a bit like an optimal opportunity to create the “perfect” system. I’m curious as to how the farm is systemized to be self-sustainable. I’m wondering if the farm is carbon neutral or carbon negative? Do you let your chickens work on your compost pile? Do you monitor cow grazing for optimum carbon sequestration? What advice do you have for the many people including us, who have just started growing our food after the current crisis?

Perhaps the starting point is to think of integration rather than segregation.  How many different species of things can you hook together for symbiosis?  So we follow the cows with the laying hens in Eggmobiles to scratch through the cow dung, spread out the manure as fertilizer, and eat the fly larvae out of the cowpats (this mimics the way birds always follow herbivores in nature).  We build compost with pigs (we call them pig aerators).  We have chickens underneath rabbit cages, generating $10,000 a year in a space the size of a 2-car garage and making the most superb compost in the world.  We see trees as carbon sinks to integrate with open land; industrial commercial chippers enable us to chip crooked, diseased, and dying trees for compost carbon.  The kitchen and gardening scraps go to the chickens.  Hoop houses for rabbits, pigs, and chickens in the winter double up as vegetable production in the spring, summer, and fall, creating pathogen dead-ends for the plants and animals growing there at different times of the year.  Integration is everything.

In half a century, we’ve moved our soil organic matter from 1 percent to 8.2 percent.  I don’t know if we’re overall carbon-neutral, but we’ve done this without buying an ounce of chemical fertilizer and using 800 percent less depreciable infrastructure per gross income dollar than the average U.S. farm.  That creates resilience.  Over the years we’ve installed 8 miles of waterlines from permaculture style high ponds that catch surface run-off and gravity feed to the farmland below.  And the rocks and gullies now grow vegetation where none grew before.  This is not pride; it’s a humble acknowledgment of a Creator’s benevolent and abundant design; it’s our responsibility to caress this magnificent womb.

Interview With Joel Salatin, Polyface Farms was originally published on Organic Lifestyle Magazine

[alovelymoonbeam]

Newsiestober Day 2: Medda

So I heard about newsiestober, and even though I’m a day late, I decided to post a short fic. I’m not sure if I’ll do these for every day, but I figure I may as well try. So here’s my story behind the song That’s Rich, from Newsies.

This takes place in 1889. My guess for Medda’s age in Newsies is 35, so in this fic she’s about 25.

Also this is my first fic I’ve ever posted on tumblr, so sorry if its horrible.

@newsiestober

I'm doing alright for myself, I'm healthy, I'm wealthy, I'm wise.

Medda was an incredibly lucky woman. She knew that. Her world was made so that people like her shouldn’t be able to the things she had. Everything and everyone she had ever known had always told her how foolish her dreams were, declaring that a (once) poor, black woman could never be a star. And yet, here she was.

My investments and such have all gone up so much--seems whatever I touch starts to rise.

Though most people believed she had gotten here purely on talent, luck, or other means, they were all wrong. While it's true she did have a talent for singing, she’d had to work incredibly harder than anyone else would have to get where she was today. It also didn’t hurt that she had a good head for numbers. She was always able to keep her costs at a minimum when she was younger, and knew a thing or two about saving her money. She also understood investments, and was able to always weed out the good ones. Some may have called those things hidden talents, but in reality, they were the result of trial and error, and learning because of those errors.

I've got men, I've got money, and yet, the thing I want most I can’t get.

Though she was very proud of everything she had managed to accomplish, Medda Larkin was unhappy. At the stem of her unhappiness was a man (what else?). he was just another cast member of just another show, she knew. And he didn’t even have a big part. One line was all he got. But she’d known he was something special since the day she’d met him.

He’d been charming, and bold, and handsome. The kind of man who she knew could go far in the industry. Especially since he shared none of her restraints. He was white, single, immensely talented, and, as she’d mentioned before, rather attractive. She knew that a man like that would have hoards of women after him. So unlike every other woman in the theatre, she let him be. And unlike every other woman in the theatre, he took notice of her.

His name was Edward Thomas Walter. A name she doubted was the one his parents had given him, as most actors changed their names in favor of one that sounded better, prettier, more unique, distinguished. And from the first rehearsal, he seemed intent on wooing her for whatever reason.

Now, she knew that no matter what he said about true love, they would never work out. An interracial relationship would spell the end of both of their careers, as well as their social lives, and probably whatever family the both of them had as well. But that didn’t stop him from sending her notes, bringing her flowers, and asking her to accompany him to various events. And every day, she’d laugh him off, telling him that they could never happen. But he didn’t seem to care.

Now maybe that was what really got her attention. He didn’t seem to care about any potential drawbacks that a relationship with her would incite. He didn’t care that she was a black woman, and by the rules of society, worth less than he. He treated her as an equal. A treasure, even. And he seemed to care about her, not her money like most men who had attempted to woo her in the past. He wanted to know more about her, how she had gotten to the position she was in, her opinions on current political matters, anything and everything about her. One topic that never came up with him was how much money she made.

I live in a mansion on Long Island sound.

Maybe that was why, one day, she said yes. After the show that night, Edward, like always, made his way to Medda’s dressing room, to congratulate her on her performance, and offer to escort her home. Each day, she responded that she could make her way home on her own. But today was different. Today, she ignored her head telling her that there was no way for this to go anywhere but down.

“Good evening, Miss Larkin,” Edward said, tapping on the door to her dressing room, like he did every night.

“Come in, Edward,” she answered, as she always did. He entered the dressing room, smiling.

“You did a wonderful job tonight, Miss Larkin. I would go so far as to say that this was your best show yet,” he said, sitting down on the chair behind her, and looking at her through her mirror.

“You say that every night, Ed. You’d think you’d have come up with a new compliment by now,” she said, continuing to take off her stage makeup.

“I wouldn’t keep saying it if it wasn’t true,” he said, laughing. “Every night, you somehow manage to be more amazing than the night before.” She smiled, knowing he was exaggerating. Her voice had been acting up a bit today, and wasn’t as good as it normally would have been. Still, she appreciated the compliment. When she didn’t answer, he continued.

“I thought the first time I heard you sing, I must’ve died and gone to heaven. There wasn’t any way someone on this earth could have a voice as beautiful as yours. And somehow, you manage to sound even more beautiful every night.” At this, Medda laughed.

“Stop it, Ed. You and I both know that my voice isn’t half as good as you make it out to be.”

“Are you coming down with something, Miss Larkin?” he asked. She turned to him, and raised an eyebrow in question. “I think something must be wrong with your ears, if you can’t hear just how beautiful your voice is,” he explained. Medda laughed again, making Edward smile as he continued. “What a tragedy, to not be able to hear the most beautiful sound on this earthly plane.”

“Stop it, or I’ll make you leave,” Medda insisted, and Edward laughed.

“I’m sorry. I don’t mean to embarrass you, Miss Larkin,” he said.

“Well in that case, you’re forgiven,” she answered. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Ed.”

“Please Miss Larkin, let me walk you home tonight?” Edward asked, as he did every night.

“Why do you keep asking to walk me home? Surely by now you know that I can get to my home just fine by myself,” she said, as they left her dressing room.

“Of course I know that, Miss Larkin. I just like spending time with you is all,” he explained. She smiled.

“Then yes.” Edward started, not totally sure he’d heard her correctly.

“Pardon?” he asked.

“Yes you may walk me home tonight,” she answered. Smiling, Edward held the door open for her.

“Thank you very much, Miss Larkin.”

I pulled up a weed, they found oil in the ground.

The first time Edward had seen her home, he had been completely astonished. He’d had no idea just how well off she was. Of course, he had known she was rich, but he’d never imagined that she lived in what seemed to be the biggest, fanciest mansion there. Of course, Medda hadn’t come from such a rich background. She’d actually bought it from a man who had once been wealthy, but had taken to gambling, and so, lost the majority of his money. As he’d needed any money he could get, he’d been more than happy to sell it to Medda for less than half of what it was worth. But Edward didn’t need to know that. After all, she liked to keep just how rich she was a secret. It made for some excellent surprises.

It had been several weeks since he’d first walked her home, and she had stopped caring that a relationship between them couldn’t work out. Instead of listening to the voice of doubt that said that things like this just didn’t happen, she let Edward walk her home every night. Instead of listening to reason, she accompanied him to whatever events he asked her to. And things were good. She was happy.

One day, they were talking about her investments. Edward seemed especially impressed about how she always seemed to know which investments would fail, and which would succeed.

“My very first investment was in an oil company,” she told him.

“Really?” he asked, interested as ever. Medda nodded.

“Technically, it was my father investing in it. But it was because of me that he’d decided to. He was always big on investments, but he had no idea how to pick the right ones. I developed a knack for it after watching all of his trials and error.

“When I was eighteen, he’d been thinking of investing in Standard Oil of New Jersey. I decided to read up on it, and I convinced him that the investment would be worth it. That was actually where a lot of my fortune came from. He invested in it, but got sick, and died a few years after,” she said.

“I’m awfully sorry about your father,” Edward said. How happy she’d been when he said that. In her eyes, it was proof that he wanted her for her, not her money. Unfortunately, she’d been wrong.

Not long after she’d told him that, he began to ask if he could borrow money.

But you telling me you don't want me around-

“Again, Edward? I just gave you money last week,” she said, feeling her spirits fall. It hadn’t been too bad at first. Just a few dollars here and there. But it had steadily grown. And she didn’t know what she could do about it. He was the first man who’d ever seemed to want her, not her money. And even if she hadn’t the first few months she knew him, Medda loved him now. Wasn’t trust a part of love? Didn’t she trust that he was telling the truth, and that he actually needed the money, like he’d said?

“I’m sorry, Miss Larkin,” he said. Edward always was so apologetic whenever he asked her for money, as though he was embarrassed that he needed to. “But you know how this industry is. I still haven’t been able to find work, and I’ve been auditioning all over.”

“Why haven’t you gotten yourself another type of job to pay the bills until you can find more work?” she asked. She did want to believe him, but she wouldn’t be played for a fool.

“You know I’ve been trying,” he insisted. “I’ve been looking all over, but I haven’t been able to find anything.” Now she knew that wasn’t true. She’d seen at least five Help Wanted signs on her way home from the theatre. Surely he’d seen them too.

“What about that shop two blocks down?” she asked. “I’d probably be just making deliveries, and watching the store. Not anything you’d need to be trained to do. Have you tried there?”

“I don’t understand, Miss Larkin. Why can’t you just help me out?” Medda was taken aback by his response.

“I’m trying to help you right now,” she answered. “I’ve been looking all over the city for work so that you don’t need to keep coming to me and--”

“Do you love me?” he asked angrily.

“Of course I do, Ed, but--”

“Then why can’t you just give me the money I need? You have more than you know what to do with, and you’re refusing to help me, even though you claim to love me!” he shouted.

“And what about you?!” Medda shouted right back. “I fell in love with you against my better judgement, because you were the first man to treat me like a person! I thought you loved me, not my money!”

“Then you’re a fool! Your money is the only reason you’re worth anything!” Medda could have sworn she heard her heart shatter.

“I can’t be around you right now,” he said, leaving her house, and slamming the door.

Now, honey, that's rich.

Medda had been wrong about him. She had wanted so badly to not be wrong. She had even seen all of this coming, and he’d still managed to play her for a fool. He was just like every other man she had ever met. The only reason he’d ever cared about her was because she was rich.

Some guys give me vermans chinchilla and mink. Some give me diamonds as big as a sink. But you wouldn't give me so much as a wink-

He wasn’t the first man to ever try to steal her heart. There had been many, before and after she’d become famous as well as rich. Some made her promises of twice as much money as she had now. Some had showered her with expensive presents. But their motives had all been exactly the same. Her head had tried to remind her heart of that. Medda felt tears sliding down her cheeks as she realized that it had been too much to ask to be treated like a person, not a trophy with a rather large prize attached to it. No one would ever see her as anything but a means to become wealthier than they were.

They had all promised her the thing they had wanted. Money. They thought that that would be enough for her. As if that was all she cared for. No one had ever guessed that she might have wanted to find love. But of course, when she thought she had, it had been too good to be true. He was just after the same thing as the others, only rather than promising her material things, he had made her feel loved. When she had refused to give him her money in spite of this, he had refused his love.

Now, baby, that's rich.

And she had fallen into his trap. He had made her feel loved and special, as no one had before. And she had given him money. Not all that he wanted, but she’d given him quite a large sum.

I get brandy from Andy and candy from Scott. And Frank and Eduardo chipped in for a yacht.

After a moment, Medda stopped crying. Her heart still hurt. She doubted she would ever fully heal. But there were more important matters at hand. She was going to show Edward that even though he had shattered her heart after she had entrusted it to him, she was stronger than him. So she stood up, and cleaned herself up. After all, she wanted to look her best. She would prove to him, herself, and anyone who would ever think that her fortune was all she was good for that she was much more than that. No one would ever try to buy her again.

I get stares from the fellas and prayers from the pope, but I ran out my luck getting stuck on some dope!

Medda decided that she would’t let this hurt her any more than it had. The best thing, she decided, was to keep busy. And the best way to do that would be to immerse herself in something she loved. She wouldn’t mope over something she had seen coming from day one. 

Once Medda had made herself presentable, she went to the theatre. It had always been her favorite place to go when she was sad, or scared, or lonely, or really anything. It was her escape. After watching the show that she wasn’t in, she went to one of the private boxes, where she knew the man who owned the theatre would watch the shows, and knocked on the door.

“Come in,” he said, just as she had known he would. He always came to the theatre on Fridays. She opened the door, and was greeted by the friendly face of the man who had agreed to let her act at his theatre.

“Good evening, Mr. Gray,” she said.

“Miss Larkin, it's good to see you,” he answered, and she cringed internally, remembering another kind voice that had called her that.

“Please sir, call me Miss Medda.” Mr. Gray seemed a bit confused by her sudden change of preference, but decided not to press the issue.

“Very well, Miss Medda. What can I do for you?” he asked.

“I was wondering if I might buy the theatre from you?” she asked.

“Now, Mrs. Medda, theatres aren’t exactly cheap. And besides, I love this theatre. I don’t want to sell it,” he answered.

“Sir, you don’t really own the theatre. The only thing you own is the mortgage, And besides, it's not like you need the money from the theatre,” she reasoned. Mr. Gray considered this for a moment.

He had never really thought about it like that. How much did he typically spend on this theatre? And how much money did it make? He knew that more often than not, it just barely broke even. And when it didn’t, it was he who paid for it. It was also true that he didn’t need what little money it made. He had been a very successful businessman in his youth, deciding to buy the theatre once he had retired, in order to have something to do. But he would miss the shows an awful lot if he sold the theatre…

“And I’ll keep this box reserved for you to use whenever you’d like, for no charge,” Medda put the icing on the cake.

“Very well,” Mr. Gray agreed. “I’ll sell you my theatre. But let’s wait until tomorrow to work out the details. I want to catch one more show while it's still my theatre.”

“Thank you, sir,” said Medda happily.

A week later, the theatre was hers, and a good portion of her fortune was gone.

The following week, Edward showed up on her doorstep once again.

Hey baby, I was just talking about you. Now, listen, sport, this life’s too short to waste it on you.

“What do you want?” she asked him. She’d had her hands so full with the theatre (her theatre) that she’d barely had time to spare a thought for him.

“I wanted to apologize, Miss Larkin,” he said. “What I said was awful. I was just so stressed over getting a job, and not being able to find any work. I shouldn’t have said what I did. I hope that you can forgive me, and that things can go back to the way they were.” He looked so sincere, Medda almost believed him. But she would not let herself be used, now or ever again.

“Thank you for your apology, Mr. Walter,” she answered. He looked uneasy at the use of his last name, and she almost smiled. She hadn’t referred to him as that since the first time they met, when he told her to call him Edward. He deserved to feel uncomfortable after what he’d done.

“I don’t know if I’ll ever find it in me to forgive you. You told me that I’m worthless after all. And I’m sorry, but things will never be able to be the same between us. Goodbye.”

Edward stuck his foot into the door before she had the chance to shut it properly.

“Please, Miss Larkin! Let me make it up to you! I feel so awful about it, and--”

“Mr. Walter,” she said, cutting him off. “What you did to me was absolutely horrible. You made me fall in love with you so that you could manipulate me into giving you money. You did that because you are a greedy, and selfish person, who has the nerve to believe that because I am a woman, and I have different colored skin than you, you are somehow worth more than me. You deserve to feel awful about what you did. But don’t you ever try to make it up to me.”

“But Miss Medda, I--” Once again, she cut him off.

“It may be rough, but soon enough I’ll learn to make do with the mansion, the oil well, the diamonds, the yacht. With Andy, Eduardo, the pontiff and Scott. And Frank. And my bank. So spill no tears for me. There's one thing you ain't, that I’ll always be, and honey, that's rich!”

With that, she closed the door in his face. His expression had been one of shock, and the whole ordeal had almost been worth it, just to see that look on his face. She laughed aloud, feeling as though a weight she hadn’t realized she’d been carrying had been lifted, and Medda Larkin realized that everything would be okay.

[shumparker1953-blog]

Weekend Reading, 12.30.18

I've been reading a lot of Pema Chödrön's writings about tonglen practice lately. One quotation of hers keeps sticking with me:

Tonglen practice (and all meditation practice) is not about later, when you get it all together and you're this person you really respect. You may be the most violent person in the world-that's a fine place to start. That's a very rich place to start-juicy, smelly. You might be the most depressed person in the world, the most addicted person in the world, the most jealous person in the world. You might think that there are no others on the planet who hate themselves as much as you do. All of that is a good place to start. Just where you are-that's the place to start.

It seems appropriate to digest those wise words right on the cusp of a new year, when even those of us who don't do much to commemorate NYE get to thinking about endings and beginnings and starting new things.

Actually, though, the quote resonates retrospectively more than prospectively. Starting where I am-treating each new moment as an opportunity to approach life with a fresh perspective-is at the heart of the resilience I've been feeling in the last few weeks, as my hospital rotation wrapped up and I entered the holiday season.

When I was interviewing for DI programs, I was repeatedly told that the most crucial quality in a strong dietetic intern was resilience. It confused me at the time: I was expecting to hear about other traits, like critical thinking, clinical judgment, or empathy.

Now that my first 15 weeks of the DI program are behind me, I know why resilience kept coming up. The year demands constant change. A lot goes into doing the job well while one is at work, but what happens outside of the clinical workday itself-adjusting to new commutes and new communities of patients, being willing to work around each preceptor's schedule, processing information quickly but thoroughly-is equally important. And it's a test of flexibility more than anything else.

Flexibility, of course, is as far from being one of my inborn strengths as anything could be. It's a deficit, actually, but I think the DI is helping me to build it up, little by little. A therapist told me long ago that I'd responded to a lot of stuff in my past by clinging to control, and that this would always be complicated for me, because control had (for better or for worse) become one of my strengths. It was true, and I've spent the last few years of my life working hard to release my grip, soften up, and move with the flow of things. It's good for me, but I do feel robbed of a strength, not to mention frequently disoriented (“thrown out of the nest,” to use another Chödrön expression).

Like anything else, it's a work in progress. Sometimes I flow without trying to. Sometimes I can't lighten up or loosen up at all, and the opportunity to tread lightly is in having a sense of humor about a clingy/grasping/reactive day. What feels really good is when I can move between these states quickly-in other words, when a craggy morning doesn't necessarily become a proverbial “bad day.”

This was, I remember, such a huge struggle for me in ED recovery: flipping my experience around quickly, rather than writing a narrative about how it was going to be a bad day or a bad week because something ugly had happened with food. It took me a while, but I did get to the point where I could struggle midday but feel grounded, balanced, and sane by dinnertime. And, as with so many other things, the skills I learned in ED recovery are now being cultivated in other areas of my life.

The last few weeks of my hospital rotation where chaotic and messy. I felt powerful and competent sometimes, totally overwhelmed at others. In the past, each moment of mess would have gotten drawn out and intensified by my tendency to judge and agonize about struggle as its happening. With the DI in full swing, I didn't have the time to get sucked into that kind of a vortex. I had to bounce back quickly from feeling tripped up, caught off-guard, or overwhelmed.

So I did. When things felt chaotic or messy or rough, I took a few minutes to breathe, to get into my body, to feel sensations. I invited myself to start over. And I invited myself to believe that resilience was possible. Sometimes it felt a little forced. It almost always felt like some version of “fake-it-till-you-make-it.”

But there's a lot of wisdom in “fake-it-till-you-make-it”-or at least in having faith that repeated, small behaviors and actions can sometimes bring about inner change (rather than the other way around). I wasn't always sure that I could shake off a heavy or anxious mood when I invited myself to take a deep breath and move forward as if I could. Most of the time, though, it worked.

I'm now inviting myself to believe that this experience of resilience can stay with me outside of the DI-through early January, and then moving beyond next summer. I'll proceed as if it can, and it will. And as a new year gets underway, what I wish for myself-what I wish for any person who needs it-is faith that each new moment, each new breath, is a chance to begin again. New beginnings don't have to look any particular way, and they don't require preparatory self-improvement. They're an evergreen possibility, and they can take all sorts of tiny, everyday shapes.

As 2019 begins, I'm celebrating any and all opportunities to see and do things differently. And I'm giving thanks for all of the goodness in my life that abides-friends, family, food, and especially my body. I wish you all light, joy, and continual moments of starting anew-on New Year's Eve, and always.

And now, some recipes and reads!

Recipes

What a beautiful concord grape bread, perfectly veganizable with non-dairy milk.

I'm all about cozy winter recipes like this right now: an old-fashioned vegan French onion chowder.

More soup! Tomato barley with all of the cheesy roasted chickpeas.

And now, for some baked goodness, starting with this cozy and creative maple dijon butternut sage & apple bake.

Finally, a lovely vegan winter centerpiece from the talented Thomas: Finnish rutabaga gratin.

Reads

1. HDL cholesterol is regarded as the “good” cholesterol, and a strong body of evidence shows that very low levels HDL are actually associated with an increased risk of heart disease. A new study, though, suggests that very high levels of HDL might also be problematic, which means that the relationship between HDL and cardiovascular disease risk is what's known as a “U-shaped” pattern. This Scientific American blog discusses the interesting findings!

2. One of the most painful, yet often under-discussed consequences of having childhood cancer and cancer treatment is that fertility can be permanently altered. A new cryopreservation procedure-freezing whole parts of an ovary, rather than individual eggs-may give childhood cancer patients hope. The Guardian shares details.

3. On the topic of cancer and other chronic illnesses, The Boston Globe profiles doctors who are working on earlier, more precise detection methods for disease diagnosis.

4. This fall, I witnessed firsthand how important palliative care is for those who need it. As this Washington Post article makes clear, many people in this country can't access palliative care because it's unavailable or uncovered by insurance. The piece gives exposure to a really important healthcare topic.

5. Also from the Washington Posta great perspective on how people can better prepare themselves for the challenges of behavior change. I love the author's differentiation between adopting a habit vs. building a life skill-I tend to think that most changes with food and nutrition fall into the latter category, which is why robust support and patience is so necessary for them to happen!

Happy New Year's, a little early, friends. Sending love. And may all beings living be happy and free.

xo

The post Weekend Reading, 12.30.18 appeared first on The Full Helping.

[connorrenwick]

Designing the Future with The Black Artists + Designers Guild

Last month, we did a round-up of organizations, events, and directories that center Black voices in design, architecture, and more. In addition to offering a resource list, we want to lend our platform to those making the design world a better place. In an effort to do that, we’re speaking with members and founders of the organizations we’re highlighting so that they can share the impressive work they’re doing with our readers.

We started out by speaking with Malene Barnett, founder of The Black Artists + Designers Guild (BADG), and Byron Cordero of Cordero Consulting (who works with BADG). BADG was founded in 2018 by Brooklyn-based artist Malene Barnett in an effort to counter the lack of representation of Black talent and culture in the design industry. Today, the organization is a global platform, representing a curated collective of independent Black artists, makers, and designers across various art and design disciplines. Learn more about the BADG here!

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Meet Malene Barnett a cross-media artist and founder of @Malenebatelier, a Brooklyn, New York based art & design practice specializing in fine art, clay objects and bespoke carpets. Her work has been commissioned by global corporations such as @Viacom, @Wework and @saks .? .? She is also the founder of @badguild.? .? Mark your calendar for a list of events celebrating the BAD Guild? 2/7/19 @haworthinc Haworth Showroom, Washington DC? 2/12/19 Pop Up + Launch Party @decor_nyc 5-9pm? 2/27/19 Exhibition + Conversation “Crafting a Legacy” @neuehouse NYC? Check our events page for more details www.badguild.info? #WeAreBADG? .? .? #artist #blackartist #blackart #blackartists #crossmedia #blackartspace #blackartsupport #fineart #rugdesigner #interiordesigninspiration #blackculturematters #blackculturedesigns #blackperspective #communityofartists #communityofdesigners #supportbadg #wemaketoo #whosinyourbadg #betonbadg #BuildWithBadg #ConnectToBadg #badguild

A post shared by Black Artists+Designers Guild (@badguild) on Feb 6, 2019 at 6:57am PST

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What first inspired you to get into art/design, and how does that still influence your work?

Malene Barnett: Asking a creative person how they started making art is complicated. For myself, I have been creating art ever since I was a child. Art really has no age, and I look at my artistic career as dynamic. When it comes to defining myself, artist is the general term I use because is it a broad definition for one who creates. I have always embraced this term. As a Black woman, I’ve been thinking a lot about how I connect to my heritage, my ancestry, my journey. I look at clay as a way to connect with my ancestors. I want to embody the processes my ancestors used to create vessels.

How can art and design help counter the systemic issues and racial inequalities that many communities are facing today?

Barnett: Since the beginning of my design career, I have been troubled by the lack of black representation in the industry. I should not have to open a magazine and say, “Oh, they featured another black designer.” There has always been a lack of diversity and black representation in this industry. We are constantly overlooked. Look at how many brands are collaborating with black designers and artists. How many black designers are recognized on top design lists? How many are asked to be an expert on a panel or at an industry event? How many have decision-making powers in major organizations or businesses? And the list goes on. These are facts. The ripple effect in our underrepresentation in the design industry is everywhere, and we are constantly reminded whether it’s through the media or who gets the design opportunities.

I decided to start BADG because I wanted to create a platform to champion black artists, makers and designers. Plus I wanted to create a safe space for the members to collaborate and just be. I knew that there needed to be a platform that would display the accomplishments of black creatives and provide media and potential clients a resource so there are no more excuses for how our work and voices are not represented in the industry.

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Drawing on her love of custom pattern designs and rich textures is what drives @malenebatelier to work in mixed-media—acrylics, watercolors, pastels, fine yarns and clay. She is interested in pushing these mediums into art and design that look and feel multidimensional.? #WeAreBADG? .? .? #sculpture #portrait #sculptureart #handbuilding #clayart #clay #maketocreate #ceramic #glaze #artisan #potter #decorative #functionalart #drawingwhileblack #blackpotter #blackartist #blackpottery #handbuiltceramics #ceramicart #ceramicartist #buildwithbadg #badguild

A post shared by Black Artists+Designers Guild (@badguild) on Feb 6, 2019 at 6:54am PST

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What impact do you hope your work has?

Barnett: Ideally it would be great to live in a society that supports all businesses, but because black businesses have historically received less funding, less opportunity, less support, we’ve had to create our own resources to grow our businesses within our community. It’s even more important now more than ever to support black-owned businesses to balance out equality in this country. If you are seeking ways to begin supporting our community or working with us, the BADG provides direct access to our members who are independent Black artists, makers and designers.

Byron Cordero: At Cordero Consulting, we are the connectors between the brands, organizations, and/or creatives we work with and their audience. We serve as the message crafters and ultimately the voice to help those who have none or have not been heard. It has been our utmost pleasure to help the BADG not only get their voices heard but be a part of the process in implementing campaigns to help support black-owned businesses and make structural changes in the system to ensure a fair competitive ground for the BIPOC creatives of tomorrow.

Is there any particular direction you’d like to see the field go in?

Barnett: My goals for BADG are to expand membership, create more collaborative projects similar to our current collaboration BADG concept house and build on our education initiatives. I am optimistic about where the design world is going. I hope all structures that were designed to exclude Black talent and culture are re-evaluated eg AD List, ED List, Hall of Fame and many more. And, for each sector of the industry to come together to create a new mission towards decolonizing design. Once this commitment is implemented consistently in all sectors, the questions around how to support Black Designers and everyone else who contributes to design will eventually be concerns of the past.

View this post on Instagram

Cross-media, contemporary artist, @MaleneBatelier draws on her deep love of color and rich textures to merge fine art with the principles of digital design to create a collection of contemporary paintings, patterns, clay objects and bespoke carpets. ? #WeAreBADG? .? .? #handmaderug #handwoven #wool #bespokerug #handmade #fineart #textileart #aboriginalart #pureart #africanmade #rugs #customrug #blackdesigner #blackdesign #buildwithbadg #connectwithbadg #wedesigntoo #wemaketoo #rugweaving #custom #luxuryrugs

A post shared by Black Artists+Designers Guild (@badguild) on Feb 6, 2019 at 6:52am PST

//www.instagram.com/embed.js

What’s been one of your most rewarding experiences with the Black Artists + Designers Guild?

Cordero: Watching history unfold before my very eyes. Redirecting where we have failed as a society and being a part of the movement that I know we will all share and celebrate with one another as equals.

Any last thoughts?

Cordero: I wish people would approach these conversations with a course of action in mind to how we can work together towards ending systemic racism in the design industry and beyond. The only way to truly learn is to immerse yourself in uncomfortable situations; that’s where growth lives.

If you want a way to support The Black Artists + Designers Guild today, you can donate here to help fund the organization and its important work.

You can learn more about BADG’s concept house, OBSIDIAN, here.

via http://design-milk.com/

from WordPress https://connorrenwickblog.wordpress.com/2020/08/25/designing-the-future-with-the-black-artists-designers-guild/

[oovitus]

Weekend Reading, 12.30.18

I’ve been reading a lot of Pema Chödrön’s writings about tonglen practice lately. One quotation of hers keeps sticking with me:

Tonglen practice (and all meditation practice) is not about later, when you get it all together and you’re this person you really respect. You may be the most violent person in the world—that’s a fine place to start. That’s a very rich place to start—juicy, smelly. You might be the most depressed person in the world, the most addicted person in the world, the most jealous person in the world. You might think that there are no others on the planet who hate themselves as much as you do. All of that is a good place to start. Just where you are—that’s the place to start.

It seems appropriate to digest those wise words right on the cusp of a new year, when even those of us who don’t do much to commemorate NYE get to thinking about endings and beginnings and starting new things.

Actually, though, the quote resonates retrospectively more than prospectively. Starting where I am—treating each new moment as an opportunity to approach life with a fresh perspective—is at the heart of the resilience I’ve been feeling in the last few weeks, as my hospital rotation wrapped up and I entered the holiday season.

When I was interviewing for DI programs, I was repeatedly told that the most crucial quality in a strong dietetic intern was resilience. It confused me at the time: I was expecting to hear about other traits, like critical thinking, clinical judgment, or empathy.

Now that my first 15 weeks of the DI program are behind me, I know why resilience kept coming up. The year demands constant change. A lot goes into doing the job well while one is at work, but what happens outside of the clinical workday itself—adjusting to new commutes and new communities of patients, being willing to work around each preceptor’s schedule, processing information quickly but thoroughly—is equally important. And it’s a test of flexibility more than anything else.

Flexibility, of course, is as far from being one of my inborn strengths as anything could be. It’s a deficit, actually, but I think the DI is helping me to build it up, little by little. A therapist told me long ago that I’d responded to a lot of stuff in my past by clinging to control, and that this would always be complicated for me, because control had (for better or for worse) become one of my strengths. It was true, and I’ve spent the last few years of my life working hard to release my grip, soften up, and move with the flow of things. It’s good for me, but I do feel robbed of a strength, not to mention frequently disoriented (“thrown out of the nest,” to use another Chödrön expression).

Like anything else, it’s a work in progress. Sometimes I flow without trying to. Sometimes I can’t lighten up or loosen up at all, and the opportunity to tread lightly is in having a sense of humor about a clingy/grasping/reactive day. What feels really good is when I can move between these states quickly—in other words, when a craggy morning doesn’t necessarily become a proverbial “bad day.”

This was, I remember, such a huge struggle for me in ED recovery: flipping my experience around quickly, rather than writing a narrative about how it was going to be a bad day or a bad week because something ugly had happened with food. It took me a while, but I did get to the point where I could struggle midday but feel grounded, balanced, and sane by dinnertime. And, as with so many other things, the skills I learned in ED recovery are now being cultivated in other areas of my life.

The last few weeks of my hospital rotation where chaotic and messy. I felt powerful and competent sometimes, totally overwhelmed at others. In the past, each moment of mess would have gotten drawn out and intensified by my tendency to judge and agonize about struggle as its happening. With the DI in full swing, I didn’t have the time to get sucked into that kind of a vortex. I had to bounce back quickly from feeling tripped up, caught off-guard, or overwhelmed.

So I did. When things felt chaotic or messy or rough, I took a few minutes to breathe, to get into my body, to feel sensations. I invited myself to start over. And I invited myself to believe that resilience was possible. Sometimes it felt a little forced. It almost always felt like some version of “fake-it-till-you-make-it.”

But there’s a lot of wisdom in “fake-it-till-you-make-it”—or at least in having faith that repeated, small behaviors and actions can sometimes bring about inner change (rather than the other way around). I wasn’t always sure that I could shake off a heavy or anxious mood when I invited myself to take a deep breath and move forward as if I could. Most of the time, though, it worked.

I’m now inviting myself to believe that this experience of resilience can stay with me outside of the DI—through early January, and then moving beyond next summer. I’ll proceed as if it can, and it will. And as a new year gets underway, what I wish for myself—what I wish for any person who needs it—is faith that each new moment, each new breath, is a chance to begin again. New beginnings don’t have to look any particular way, and they don’t require preparatory self-improvement. They’re an evergreen possibility, and they can take all sorts of tiny, everyday shapes.

As 2019 begins, I’m celebrating any and all opportunities to see and do things differently. And I’m giving thanks for all of the goodness in my life that abides—friends, family, food, and especially my body. I wish you all light, joy, and continual moments of starting anew—on New Year’s Eve, and always.

And now, some recipes and reads!

Recipes

What a beautiful concord grape bread, perfectly veganizable with non-dairy milk.

I’m all about cozy winter recipes like this right now: an old-fashioned vegan French onion chowder.

More soup! Tomato barley with all of the cheesy roasted chickpeas.

And now, for some baked goodness, starting with this cozy and creative maple dijon butternut sage & apple bake.

Finally, a lovely vegan winter centerpiece from the talented Thomas: Finnish rutabaga gratin.

Reads

1. HDL cholesterol is regarded as the “good” cholesterol, and a strong body of evidence shows that very low levels HDL are actually associated with an increased risk of heart disease. A new study, though, suggests that very high levels of HDL might also be problematic, which means that the relationship between HDL and cardiovascular disease risk is what’s known as a “U-shaped” pattern. This Scientific American blog discusses the interesting findings!

2. One of the most painful, yet often under-discussed consequences of having childhood cancer and cancer treatment is that fertility can be permanently altered. A new cryopreservation procedure—freezing whole parts of an ovary, rather than individual eggs—may give childhood cancer patients hope. The Guardian shares details.

3. On the topic of cancer and other chronic illnesses, The Boston Globe profiles doctors who are working on earlier, more precise detection methods for disease diagnosis.

4. This fall, I witnessed firsthand how important palliative care is for those who need it. As this Washington Post article makes clear, many people in this country can’t access palliative care because it’s unavailable or uncovered by insurance. The piece gives exposure to a really important healthcare topic.

5. Also from the Washington Posta great perspective on how people can better prepare themselves for the challenges of behavior change. I love the author’s differentiation between adopting a habit vs. building a life skill—I tend to think that most changes with food and nutrition fall into the latter category, which is why robust support and patience is so necessary for them to happen!

Happy New Year’s, a little early, friends. Sending love. And may all beings living be happy and free.

xo

The post Weekend Reading, 12.30.18 appeared first on The Full Helping.

Weekend Reading, 12.30.18 published first on

[gardencityvegans]

Weekend Reading, 12.30.18

https://www.thefullhelping.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/12/weekend_reading.jpg

I’ve been reading a lot of Pema Chodron’s writings about tonglen practice lately. One quotation of hers keeps sticking with me:

Tonglen practice (and all meditation practice) is not about later, when you get it all together and you’re this person you really respect. You may be the most violent person in the world—that’s a fine place to start. That’s a very rich place to start—juicy, smelly. You might be the most depressed person in the world, the most addicted person in the world, the most jealous person in the world. You might think that there are no others on the planet who hate themselves as much as you do. All of that is a good place to start. Just where you are—that’s the place to start.

It seems appropriate to digest those wise words right on the cusp of a new year, when even those of us who don’t do much to commemorate NYE get to thinking about endings and beginnings and starting new things.

Actually, though, the quote resonates retrospectively more than prospectively. Starting where I am—treating each new moment as an opportunity to approach life with a fresh perspective—is at the heart of the resilience I’ve been feeling in the last few weeks, as my hospital rotation wrapped up and I entered the holiday season.

When I was interviewing for DI programs, I was repeatedly told that the most crucial quality in a strong dietetic intern was resilience. It confused me at the time: I was expecting to hear about other traits, like critical thinking, clinical judgment, or empathy.

Now that my first 15 weeks of the DI program are behind me, I know why resilience kept coming up. The year demands constant change. A lot goes into doing the job well while one is at work, but what happens outside of the clinical workday itself—adjusting to new commutes and new communities of patients, being willing to work around each preceptor’s schedule, processing information quickly but thoroughly—is equally important. And it’s a test of flexibility more than anything else.

Flexibility, of course, is as far from being one of my inborn strengths as anything could be. It’s a deficit, actually, but I think the DI is helping me to build it up, little by little. A therapist told me long ago that I’d responded to a lot of stuff in my past by clinging to control, and that this would always be complicated for me, because control had (for better or for worse) become one of my strengths. It was true, and I’ve spent the last few years of my life working hard to release my grip, soften up, and move with the flow of things. It’s good for me, but I do feel robbed of a strength, not to mention frequently disoriented (“thrown out of the nest,” to use another Chodron expression).

Like anything else, it’s a work in progress. Sometimes I flow without trying to. Sometimes I can’t lighten up or loosen up at all, and the opportunity to tread lightly is in having a sense of humor about a clingy/grasping/reactive day. What feels really good is when I can move between these states quickly—in other words, when a craggy morning doesn’t necessarily become a proverbial “bad day.”

This was, I remember, such a huge struggle for me in ED recovery: flipping my experience around quickly, rather than writing a narrative about how it was going to be a bad day or a bad week because something ugly had happened with food. It took me a while, but I did get to the point where I could struggle midday but feel grounded, balanced, and sane by dinnertime. And, as with so many other things, the skills I learned in ED recovery are now being cultivated in other areas of my life.

The last few weeks of my hospital rotation where chaotic and messy. I felt powerful and competent sometimes, totally overwhelmed at others. In the past, each moment of mess would have gotten drawn out and intensified by my tendency to judge and agonize about struggle as its happening. With the DI in full swing, I didn’t have the time to get sucked into that kind of a vortex. I had to bounce back quickly from feeling tripped up, caught off-guard, or overwhelmed.

So I did. When things felt chaotic or messy or rough, I took a few minutes to breathe, to get into my body, to feel sensations. I invited myself to start over. And I invited myself to believe that resilience was possible. Sometimes it felt a little forced. It almost always felt like some version of “fake-it-till-you-make-it.”

But there’s a lot of wisdom in “fake-it-till-you-make-it”—or at least in having faith that repeated, small behaviors and actions can sometimes bring about inner change (rather than the other way around). I wasn’t always sure that I could shake off a heavy or anxious mood when I invited myself to take a deep breath and move forward as if I could. Most of the time, though, it worked.

I’m now inviting myself to believe that this experience of resilience can stay with me outside of the DI—through early January, and then moving beyond next summer. I’ll proceed as if it can, and it will. And as a new year gets underway, what I wish for myself—what I wish for any person who needs it—is faith that each new moment, each new breath, is a chance to begin again. New beginnings don’t have to look any particular way, and they don’t require preparatory self-improvement. They’re an evergreen possibility, and they can take all sorts of tiny, everyday shapes.

As 2019 begins, I’m celebrating any and all opportunities to see and do things differently. And I’m giving thanks for all of the goodness in my life that abides—friends, family, food, and especially my body. I wish you all light, joy, and continual moments of starting anew—on New Year’s Eve, and always.

And now, some recipes and reads!

Recipes

What a beautiful concord grape bread, perfectly veganizable with non-dairy milk.

I’m all about cozy winter recipes like this right now: an old-fashioned vegan French onion chowder.

More soup! Tomato barley with all of the cheesy roasted chickpeas.

And now, for some baked goodness, starting with this cozy and creative maple dijon butternut sage & apple bake.

Finally, a lovely vegan winter centerpiece from the talented Thomas: Finnish rutabaga gratin.

Reads

1. HDL cholesterol is regarded as the “good” cholesterol, and a strong body of evidence shows that very low levels HDL are actually associated with an increased risk of heart disease. A new study, though, suggests that very high levels of HDL might also be problematic, which means that the relationship between HDL and cardiovascular disease risk is what’s known as a “U-shaped” pattern. This Scientific American blog discusses the interesting findings!

2. One of the most painful, yet often under-discussed consequences of having childhood cancer and cancer treatment is that fertility can be permanently altered. A new cryopreservation procedure—freezing whole parts of an ovary, rather than individual eggs—may give childhood cancer patients hope. The Guardian shares details.

3. On the topic of cancer and other chronic illnesses, The Boston Globe profiles doctors who are working on earlier, more precise detection methods for disease diagnosis.

4. This fall, I witnessed firsthand how important palliative care is for those who need it. As this Washington Post article makes clear, many people in this country can’t access palliative care because it’s unavailable or uncovered by insurance. The piece gives exposure to a really important healthcare topic.

5. Also from the Washington Posta great perspective on how people can better prepare themselves for the challenges of behavior change. I love the author’s differentiation between adopting a habit vs. building a life skill—I tend to think that most changes with food and nutrition fall into the latter category, which is why robust support and patience is so necessary for them to happen!

Happy New Year’s, a little early, friends. Sending love. And may all beings living be happy and free.

xo

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