#look im on time in like. alberta

[mediumgayitalian]

fic rec friday 10

hi!! welcome to fic rec friday. every week, i pick five fics i have bookmarked and rec them with a little review. check them out!

something borrowed by @rosyredlipstick

In the Solace Wedding Planning agenda, on the fifth page into their summer schedule, there are carefully scrawled out notes reading this: Bride and Groom - Hazel Levesque & Frank Zhang Best Man & Maid of Honor - Percy Jackson & Piper McLean Wedding Court - Annabeth Chase & Jason Grace Mellie & Gleeson Hedge Reyna Ramírez-Arellano & Leo Valdez Ring-bearer - Chuck Hedge Flower-boy - Nico di Angelo - Will plans wedding and now, apparently, Nico stars in one. Except...sometimes there's a bit more confusion on that last part. AKA the AU where Will plans weddings and thinks Hazel and Frank are going to have to cutest, gap-toothed ten year throwing flowers down the aisle, all while wondering why this 'Neeks' guy is always hanging around, and what business he has looking that good.

yes i am back on my rosyredlipstick (dude she's GOOD okay). however this one is my favourite i think. this is the kinda story you could use to explain to people what dramatic irony is bc LORD i wanted to SHAKE THEM 😭😭 will falling like deeply in love with nico and being intensely stressed about everything the whole time is so real and on brand. i love him and i love the fond exasperation that just bleeds from this fic its GREAT

2. Rental Love by @rosyredlipstick

*Read Terms & Conditions - Male/22/Long Island N.Y.C. Tired of showing up stag at holiday events? Want your family to stop thinking there’s something wrong with you? Just want some arm candy for a work event? Look no further. Your solution is here! I will attend holiday events with you as your paid date. Accepting all genders as applicants. Email solace.w@fastmail.com if interested. Interview & application will be set up there. - Nico di Angelo has been telling Hazel Levesque about his boyfriend for weeks. The bad part? Nico doesn’t have a boyfriend, the holidays are coming up, and not all of Jason’s ideas are horrible. They’re all a bit surprised about the last one.

THE LEVEL OF STUPID THAT THEY ARE...😭😭 kills me fr. like this whole fic is just a manifestation of truly one of the best tropes of all time…..like what if we took a hallmark movie and made it gay as all hell. iconique indeed

3. A Match in the Making by @coconutcranberries-blog

“You’re a morning person,” Nico muttered, rubbing his eyes with the heel of his palms. He ran a hand through his black hair, which stuck up in disarray, the same way it did every morning. He was a mess, and Will Solace looked annoyingly put together, and Nico didn’t even care, really, he didn’t.

friendship is the core of romance!! it is!! every time!!! and it's such a core in this fic....which is fucking??? ten years old??? im just realising?? jesus christ??? anyways. "Nico had the sudden, warm feeling that Will Solace had never bought his act." i YELLED

4. Perception by scorchedtrees

In which everyone thinks Nico and Will are together.

i love this trope i love it SO BAD. both ways. when your love is so obvious that no one misses it.....love to see it truly. and will can have one second of beingn smooth and not a dweeby loser. as a treat

5. the world is brighter than the sun now that you're here by @finalizer

It was hard, Nico eventually concluded, to maintain one’s air of spooky otherworldly detachment with a blinding ray of sunshine trailing one step behind him every minute of every day.

grouchy nico my beloved truly. honestly hes such a bitch i love him like "Seriously, give the guy a perm and a few cats and he’d be that weird aunt that everybody avoided around the holiday season." why does he ALWAYS have something vile to say 😭😭 hes a mood fr

thank you for joining me this saturday friday!! happy reading!!

[coloursofaparadox]

i ✨️cannot sleep✨️ and vaguing about shit on the internet feels more cathartic than writing it out somewhere else. suffer.

[tianshiisdead]

My hairdresser didn't spend the entire hour telling me about how she would purposefully mess up the names of her Asian coworkers and make racist comments to their face as if looking for me to validate her actions, in between comments about how I looked like a little doll (baby talk voice), all while I sat there and couldn't move, for ppl to say depictions of racism in books are 'too blatant' or 'too preachy' 🙄🙄🙄

[pierregazly]

a diamond's gotta shine ꨄ lance stroll smau

lance stroll x fem!reader

pic credit: pinterest

i know lance is daddy's money through and through (and i love a nepo baby sorry), but he is so 'my love language is gift giving so i'm going to spoil my girlfriend with everything i can' boyfriend material so here's that basically

yourusername

liked by lance_stroll, chloestroll, estebanocon, and 467,891 others

yourusername he ALWAYS let me drive the truck... sorry taylor

view all 1,347 comments

lance_stroll it is not a truck and PLEASE stop eating in the aston martin

lance_stroll at least stop eating in it without me

chloestroll wouldn't want a matcha date with anyone else 💗

liked by yourusername and 462 others

username imagine just casually eating fruit in a literal aston martin??? i dont even eat fruit in my car in fear of everything getting sticky 😭

username i want her life so bad

lance_stroll

tagged yourusername

liked by yourusername, chloestroll, fernandoalo_oficial, and 1,206,708 others

lance_stroll spent the last 2 years with her shoes in my hands after nights out, hoping for a hundred more

view all 9,071 comments

yourusername i am SO obsessed with you

yourusername even after 2 years, gonna be obsessed with u forever lance_stroll wouldn't have it any other way

username the toaster and i have a hot date with the bathtub tonight

username the things i would do to have lance stroll hold my shoes in his million dollar hands after a night out :(

username i want someone to love me even half as much as lance loves y/n ugh

chloestroll i taught you well

yourusername

tagged lance_stroll

liked by lance_stroll, yourfriend, estebanocon, and 450,687 others

yourusername all i asked for was a picture, and he decided to give me 2 years of his life and his heart. i'll love you til my lungs give out.

view all 3,491 comments

username all she asked for was a PICTURE 😭 and he gave her his heart 😭 and she'll love him til her lungs give out 😭

username im literally throwing up, sobbing, screaming, dying at this caption

lance_stroll my heart has been yours since the day you blew my breath away

liked by 5,782 users

username i usually hate lovey-dovey couples but these two... girl they got me wanting to be adopted frfr

username im calling it... girlypop's gonna have a ring by year 3 for sure

lance_stroll

liked by yourusername, mickschumacher, chloestroll, and 203,456 others

lance_stroll yeehaw

view all 2,340 comments

username this is such a look... are we sure this man isn't from alberta

yourusername i will save all the horses if it means i get to ride this cowboy

username y/n.... estebanocon there are children on this app

username i was literally waiting for that y/n comment... these two are disgustingly unhinged

yourusername has added a story

liked by lance_stroll, chloestroll, and others

replies

lance_stroll why didn't you post the pic of both of us in the bath :(

yourusername i wasn't trying to traumatize your family my love lance_stroll u posted that you're going to 'ride this cowboy' but a pic of me in the bath is too much?

yourusername

tagged lance_stroll

liked by lance_stroll, scottyjames31, chloestroll, and 102,340 others

yourusername do you think i get to meet emily in paris or am i stuck with lance

view all 1,341 comments

lance_stroll i just bought you that croissant and coffee and this is what i get as thanks????

yourusername i am so obsessed w u im sorry my favourite cowboy 🥺

username this is so wholesome lance is so boyfriend coded im crying

username y/n is literally living her best life ever i want to be her so bad

scottyjames31 i just know all of these photos were taken at least 75 times

yourusername mind ur own business scotty

lance_stroll and yourusername

liked by chloestroll, estebanocon, mickschumacher and 2,304,550 others

lance_stroll watching you walk down the aisle will make me the luckiest man alive

view all 6,789 comments

estebanocon did you pay her to say yes?? congratulations you two 🥂

chloestroll even though i helped plan this entire thing i STILL cried on the phone. so happy for you both!!

username this man bought her like 5k worth of goodies and then put a RING that's probably worth my yearly salary on her finger??? god has chosen his favourite

yourusername im so lucky to be the one you've chosen to spend the rest of your life with. je t'aime 💗

taglist

@leclercdream @myescapefromthislife @leclerces

i didnt tag anyone that specifically requested in the replies to be tagged for 'to live for the hope of it all' and all its parts (mostly bc idk how taglists work and i dont wanna bother yall), so if you'd like to be on my taglist for everything please send me a quick ask/dm (or u can just reply and say you'd like to be tagged for everything)! thank you for all the love

[williamswifey]

i just came up with this and i could DIE i feel smart. (i also haven’t done an ask on here in a FAT minute so sorry if i do it weird??) reader is a worker (camera, makeup, etc. just some sort of tech element) behind the scenes on the set for tlou and meets bella and they become friends and then more :)))) can be as short or long as you’d like!!

𝐅𝐑𝐈𝐄𝐍𝐃𝐒 𝐃𝐎𝐍’𝐓 𝐋𝐎𝐎𝐊 𝐀𝐓 𝐅𝐑𝐈𝐄𝐍𝐃𝐒 𝐓𝐇𝐀𝐘 𝐖𝐀𝐘 - 𝐁𝐄𝐋𝐋𝐀 𝐑𝐀𝐌𝐒𝐄𝐘

pairing ; bella ramsey x fem!reader

summary ; when you had taken a summer job as a makeup artist for the up and coming show the last of us, you expected to make money—but you didn’t expect to find love.

content warnings ; swearing,

a/n ; i was SO excited to do this request omgomg, i might’ve gotten a little carried away and accidentally made this suuper long, part two is on the way!! i hope you enjoy this miniseries :)

p.s. also im still working to get my ask box in my bio, but requests are open and feel free to submit asks <3

masterlist

you had always had a fascination with makeup—ever since you were little. whether it was practicing eyeshadow in your bedroom when you were eleven years old…or making a buck from your friends when they asked you to do makeup for the school dance.

eventually, as you matured, your talent matured with you. you were humble about your skills—always calling it a ‘simple minded hobby’, or ‘a way to relieve your stress’.

it was springtime, two weeks before summer vacation—you’d be starting college in the fall; and you were sitting at the kitchen table with your mother, going over potential internships to spend your summer.

“what about a makeup artist?” your mother commented, taking a sip of her orange juice. you looked at her blankly, before sighing.

“mom, i appreciate the idea—i really do…but come on—where would we even find somewhere that had makeup artist internships?”

“i found you a job as a makeup artist in canada,” your mom spoke up, sparking your interest as you looked up from your phone, “sure, it’s a little far away from home…but it’s good practice for college. plus, you’d be making a little money on the side, it’s a win-win situation.”

“in canada?” you asked, confused , “mom, what?”

“it’s for a new show, the last of us. an old friend of mine reached out, personally asked if you’d be interested.”

the last of us. the name sounded familiar. you shrugged, feeling flattered at the thought someone personally asked your mother if you’d be interested.

“sure,” you agreed, “that sounds fun.”

***

three weeks later, you, your backpack, and your suitcase had arrived in alberta, canada.

you were staying in a hotel room nearby the sets, and you couldn’t wait to get off your feet. you had ordered a shared-uber, trying to save as much money as you could. you’d be spending the entire summer here, and the point was to make money—not lose it.

you stood on the sidewalk as a black car drove up to you, as you read the license plate, recognizing the car as your uber. you piled your things into the trunk, stepping inside.

“y/n l/n?” the driver asked, and you nodded your head in confirmation.

“yup,” you said, “that’s me.”

“it’s nice to meet you,” the driver said. wow. this driver was much much friendlier than the ones at home.

“we’re waiting for the other rider, so hang tight and we’ll get you to your destination in no time.”

you thanked the driver, placing your headphones in your ears. you scrolled throughout your spotify playlists, ultimately deciding on the superache album by conan gray.

it wasn’t until minutes later when the other rider arrived, and your jaw dropped. you suddenly felt insecure in your airport fit—baggy sweats without makeup, messy hair finishing off your disheveled appearance.

the other rider was the most attractive person you had ever seen. their hair was short, down and mostly covered by a grey hat. they had on a casual pink t-shirt and black jeans. the driver helped them put their bags into the trunk besides yours, and before you knew it they were sliding into the seat next to you.

“hi,” you said, holding out your hand, “i’m y/n.”

the stranger smiled warmly, and it made you even more flustered, if that was even possible. god, you didn’t even know their name yet—you had to get a grip.

“i’m bella,” they said, a british accent as smooth as butter, “pleasure.”

you smiled back, taking out your airpods, placing them back into your case, hoping that your conversation with bella would extend.

“no way,” bella said seconds later, “you listen to conan gray, too?”

you looked at her and blinked.

“sorry—i wasn’t looking over your shoulder,” they quickly said, “i just saw a glance of the album cover, i’d recognize it anywhere.”

you grinned.

“no worries,” you assured. “i take it you’re a fan of him?”

bella nodded enthusiastically, “he’s only my favorite singer of all time.”

you bit your lip excitedly. canada was treating you well already.

“we have so much in common,” you chuckled out.

“that we do,” bella agreed, pausing, “so…are you here visiting friends?”

you shook your head.

“no, i’m actually here for a job. i’m working as a makeup artist.” you said with a smile.

“me too! well—not a makeup artist, but i am here for work.”

“that’s so cool!” you gushed, “what do you do?”

“i’m an actor,” bella said.

your eyes widened. as if they couldn’t get any cooler.

a lack of sleep from the plane ride must’ve been catching up to you, as you hadn’t quite put two-and-two together.

still, you managed to stay awake, talking to bella throughout the entire duration of the car ride. bella was going to lunch to meet a few people, whereas you were going straight to your hotel.

bella had gotten on a phone call minutes before you arrived to your destination, making your goodbye rushed and awkward. you cursed out whoever was on the other end of the call.

it hadn’t been until you were halfway to the elevator of the hotel until you realized you had forgotten to get bella’s phone number.

fuck.

***

you tried to forget about the mysterious bella as the night went on. you had taken a long nap as soon as you arrived to the hotel room—which helped get your mind off things, but the second you were awake, bella was on your mind.

how could you have been so stupid?

you had never met someone that was so easy to talk to before. you had never met someone as cute as bella either. they were the entire package and your forgetful-ass blew it.

still, life had to go on. you pushed aside your disappointment as you began to unpack and officially settle into your room, and you called your parents to alert them you arrived to the hotel safely.

the sun had begun to set, and you were halfway through unpacking. you had made a few calls between the makeup department in the last hour, and they had told you that you needed to bring your own makeup in to set tomorrow—just until the makeup the crew had ordered came in.

while you found the whole ordeal slightly unprofessional, you actually didn’t mind at all—and you were happy to provide. you were just a little annoyed that now you had to pack up all your makeup and bring it to set at 6 in the morning.

right. you had forgotten how early you had to be awake. the car ride was forty-five minutes away, since the set was basically in the middle of nowhere—and you wanted to be able to look nice and presentable.

if you wanted a shot at getting eight hours of sleep, you had to be asleep now.

you brushed your teeth and washed your face faster than you ever had before, and settled into your bed. you were out like a light, and the dreamy stranger from the car ride definitely didn’t appear in your dream.

***

“shit, shit, shit.”

you had slept through your alarm. on the first day.

it was 5:15 when you woke up, and you practically hopped out of bed in shock. screw getting ready for bed fast last night, you had gotten ready today at a record lightning speed.

you were calling yourself another uber as soon as you were dressed, deciding to do your makeup in the car. it was your strong suit, and you weren’t worried about not getting that done in time.

it was 5:30 when you got in your uber. you’d be at work at 6:15…fifteen minutes late, and you’d pray that you wouldn’t get fired before you even walked in.

maybe it was luck—maybe it was something else, but there was practically no traffic on the road since it was so early in the morning, making your arrival 5:57 a.m, not late.

you sighed a breath of relief as you entered the set, a yawn slipping past your lips. you’d make sure to find a time to grab coffee.

it took you a few minutes to find the makeup artist trailer, and when you did…you were in shock. there was a chair, a desk, and a mirror—with your name on it.

you barely had time to bask in the sheer excitement of it all before someone appeared behind you.

“hi,” a voice called out, making your tired figure jump as you turned around.

a woman stood before you. she was much older than you, with blonde curly hair, a warm smile on her face. this must’ve been brianna, your mother’s friend.

“you must be y/n. i’m brianna,” she introduced, “i’m technically your boss—but i don’t care about those kind of labels. i’m just here to help you get settled.”

you nodded and smiled at her, launching into a brief conversation. you learned that the last of us had started shooting a couple of weeks ago, but they had been shooting scenes with characters that you weren’t assigned to.

it was confusing, getting used to everything. it turned out that every makeup artist was assigned to a few specific characters. brianna did the makeup for the actors of joel, sarah, and tess. you were assigned to riley, maria, and ellie.

the actresses for riley and maria wouldn’t be shooting until the next month, so for now—you only had one actor to worry about. you didn’t know the actor who was playing ellie yet. you hadn’t checked your email giving you the names of everyone.

ellie was the main character of the show, you quickly learned. you had received a script of the basic information about the show last week, but you had yet to read it. you made a mental note to check it out when you got back to your hotel room.

like brianna said, the scenes that the show had started shooting hadn’t included ellie’s character yet, and it was the actress’ first day on set—making it yours, too.

everything brianna said felt surreal. you had a real job, and you were only 18. sure, this was temporary, but you promised yourself that this would be the best three months of your life.

as if on cue, you heard footsteps enter the van, and you knew it must’ve been one of the actors preparing to get their makeup done. by you.

you tried not to internally squeal, attempting to prepare yourself to meet whoever would walk through those doors.

you did not expect to see your mystery uber buddy, bella, walk through said doors.

you blinked.

“bella?” you said, as they turned their head towards you, a confused smile quickly making its way up to their face.

“y/n?” they replied back, “holy crap. i knew you were a makeup artist, but i didn’t put two-and-two together.”

you giggled.

“you said you were an actor! that should’ve been easier for me to figure out the details,” you spoke, and bella shrugged.

“both of our mistakes then, i guess,” they began, a small chuckle leaving their lips.

“yeah,” you agreed.

maybe fate had a plan for the two of you after all.

***

the next few weeks had been magical. you saw bella everyday, sometimes for hours at a time. they’d be the first face you saw in the morning and the last face you saw leaving set.

it was nice, having ‘quality time’—as they called it, when you did their makeup. it wasn’t too much, it never was, just little touch ups to make their skin look less oily on camera and small things like that. you didn’t think bella needed any makeup at all.

the longest part of the makeup process for ellie was her scar. you had to do the scar on bella’s eyebrow every morning. that was probably the hardest part. it wasn’t the fact that you had to do it perfectly each time—no, that was easy—it was the fact you had to get extremely close to bella’s face.

they’d always giggle when your noses accidentally brushed together, or if you guys would make eye contact when they opened their eyes—even though you told them not to.

“i can’t help it,” they’d say, “if a pretty girl’s face is right in front of mine, i’ve gotta sneak a peek,” bella was obviously joking—they always were, but that didn’t change the way your face would go beet red as you struggled to find a comeback to their words.

the flirty dynamic of you and bella’s friendship was developed early on. you were easily flustered, and bella was a natural flirt. it was like two missing pieces of a puzzle.

you had the same schedule as bella—since you were their makeup artist, and since you did, the two of you often spent your lunch break together.

there was a small diner near the set, where bella took you almost everyday. you always playfully argued who’d pay.

bella always won, as they had secretly snuck the waitress their credit card before you even got the chance to get out your wallet.

“bella,” you’d say, “you don’t have to do that.”

“think of it as a thank you.” they’d reply.

“a thank you? for what?”

“for hanging out with me.”

you’d roll your eyes.

“we have the same schedule.”

“yeah,” bella would sigh, “but no one is forcing you to be here. you could be anywhere else in the world, but you’re here. with me.”

that would always shut you up pretty quickly.

they had your order memorized—a grilled cheese sandwich and a vanilla milkshake. you had their order of avocado salad memorized too—their meals were easy to remember, as bella was one of the only vegans you knew.

you guys would talk the hour away, most times giggling back and forth about how you dreaded going back to work that afternoon.

but you never dreaded it. not really.

how could you, when your lips got to be inches away from bella’s as you painted on their scar?

you knew pretty early on that bella made you really fucking happy. they brought out a giddiness in you that no one else ever had, they took the weight off of your shoulders.

brianna would tease you everyday about it.

“you guys are so whipped for each other,” she’d say, after bella left the trailer to go film.

you’d blush as you put away the brushes that had been tracing bella’s skin only moments prior as you shook your head.

“no way,” you’d deny, “we’re just friends.”

brianna would laugh, just like she always did.

“friends don’t look at friends that way.”

and as much as you pretended to deny it, god, you hoped she was right.

[bropunzeling]

11, 22, 37!

11 Three tropes that are fine but overrated

oh gosh hmm. some of these are gonna come across as hypocritical lmao and also insert a healthy dose of "for me specifically" but: (1) i think soulbond/soulmark tropes can be done well, but mid executions of the trope focus a lot on ~finding~ the person rather than interrogating what it means to have bonds or marks or things of that nature, and leave a lot of interesting nuances about choice and free will and conflict between romantic relationships and other things you might want (career, friendship, autonomy, etc) on the table. i wish more takes on the trope let it be messy! (2) hurt/comfort done well is really fun but when people are just like. aggressively making their little guy sad and pathetic and a poor little meow meow whose never done anything wrong it gets grating. i love a sad guy but i prefer when they're sad because of shit they did to themselves instead of external factors. (3) curtain fic/established relationship stuff can be fun sometimes but like. there still needs to be a smidgen of conflict or growth or change or a shift for me to be interested. there has to be a point imo! even when i write my silly self-indulgent post-fic time stamps its important to me that there's a point to it beyond just "im love them" (though im DO love them)

22 What is it about watching the same two idiots falling in love over and over again?

i think the thing is, there can always be a new dimension to how these two idiots fall in love!!! every story is an opportunity to get at some new nugget of like, how people are, or what it is to be vulnerable and open and willing to risk heartache. with two different people you have so many opportunities to look at different shades and facets of their character. especially with rpf where real life events can shape characterization in real time. The Trade opened up a whole new dimension of matthew that creates new angles to investigate matthew&leon and what it means to fall in love with someone thousands of miles away and who you see even less (or, someday, for my break up/make up agenda)! jamie getting dealt to philly opens up new ways to poke at the jamie/trevor relationship by adding distance and tragedy and the potential of falling for other people! even picking a new trope or time period is just so fun for being like, now how would they be under THESE circumstances? also like, i LOVE flip-flopping who gets to be down bad immediately and who is oblivious because it's not only a fun creative challenge but also just opens up new worlds. idk! there's so many possibilities and so many facets to explore and to me that's delightful.

37 Do you research before writing or while you write? Is it fun or boring for you?

id say i do some up front, just to nail down the broad beats of the story and to minimize how much reworking i have to do later on (or for period type fics, to make sure that i dont introduce plot points that simply cant have happened in that time frame!), and some i do as i go -- for example, for a while there i just HAD the battles of alberta in 21-22 down pat because i was using them so often to shape story beats, but the games in between i had to look up as i went. i also am constantly pulling from new articles or features that offer new bits of characterization i want to use. tbh with the current wip i DO feel very wobbly because i don't have my normal anchors of the schedule/have to make things up, which is simultaneously freeing and hard because it's so much easier for me to write about sports games that really happened than the fake ones im constructing for the narratives 😂. but yeah id say mostly i research as i go!

[ifihadmypickofwishes]

Book Review: The Many Half-Lived Lives of Sam Sylvester by Maya MacGregor

This book was a mixed bag.

Plot Synopsis from Publisher: "In this queer contemporary YA mystery, a nonbinary autistic teen realizes they must not only solve a 30-year-old mystery but also face the demons lurking in their past in order to live a satisfying life."

This review contains spoilers.

The Good

The author is autistic and non-binary, like the main character. OwnVoices is always nice to see.

The main character's dad, Junius, is a beautiful portrayal of Black fatherhood. One of the best fictional parents of an autistic child I've ever seen. He communicates with Sam their way, is always patient and kind, and is determined to get them what they need to feel safe. No Autism Parents™ here.

Sam was adopted at age 7 after bouncing between foster homes and group homes, and the time it takes them to fully adjust to their new life is realistic.

The portrayal of stimming, including self-injurious stimming, is very accurate.

Sam finds friends who like them for them, instead of having to change themself completely to make friends. Good change of pace from a lot of advice for autistic teens.

Autistic shutdown is correctly identified as a type of catatonia, which as far as I know is the first time that's ever happened in a fiction book.

Sam has very obviously learned a lot of social rules the hard way, like many of us do. There are direct references to learning social rules like what to do at a funeral, what specific facial expressions mean, what appropriate student-teacher conversations are, etc.

Sam does the autism/alexithymic thing where you relate to a story very deeply and have to back up and unpack why. That was very relatable.

The Bad

Sam is supposed to have a pretty morbid special interest in kids who died before 19. The portrayal of this was not realistic. Sam has no trouble hiding their interest when they think other people might feel upset by it. There's no mention of the pressure cooker feeling so many of us get when we want so badly to talk about a SpIn and can't. There's no mention of how having a special interest like that is deeply lonely; not only are people afraid of the subject itself, they're usually afraid of you, too. No one they reveal this interest to is at all perturbed.

There's a bizarre hang-up with Reactive Attachment Disorder, of all things. Sam was misdiagnosed with RAD as a very young child, which is a perfectly reasonable diagnosis to make when you have a severely traumatized, socially withdrawn foster child. The text treats this as some kind of cockamamie diagnosis they were only given instead of autism because they're AFAB.

The author seems to think mental illness means "for no reason," and this is reflected in the way characters speak about RAD. At one point Junius says to Sam, "I met you at that group home, and they told me you had reactive attachment disorder. I saw the hungry way you looked around and the frustration I knew all too well, like you were shouting and everyone pretended they couldn't hear you. I figured... maybe you had a reason not to get attached to people." Having a reason not to get attached to people is literally a key piece of RAD. It's a traumagenic disorder. None of what he says contradicts a RAD diagnosis at all, but Sam and Junius both act like it does.

The portrayal of Montana is about two decades out of date and seems to confuse it with Canada in some spots. There's regular mention of having lived in Airdrie, which is in Alberta, in the same sentence as Missoula, Montana. The main character says there was only one out gay kid in their entire high school in Missoula, in ~2021. Missoula has 73,000 people and a pride parade every year. There is no way there would be one out gay kid, in a public high school, in a town that large at this point in time. There were about a dozen out LGBT+ kids in my high school in my much smaller, less progressive town circa 2013. I mention this because it's important to recognize the ways homophobia, transphobia, and ableism have shifted over the years. Pretending there's no change at all does everyone a disservice.

Verdict: I've read much worse, but I also wouldn't reach for this as an example of spectacular autism representation.

[ask-hws-canada]

You know,, I've seen you mention alberta once (it was love at first sight i love him so much 💞💞) but I want to know more about Alberta's dynamic with the other provinces! Who does he get along with? Im guessing he's not very friendly with quebec and ontario?

He definitely has work to do on his side, but it’s not just him: relationships between provinces across Canada has always been a bit rocky ( despite Canada’s friendly image ). I think his personality is hard to get along with, especially in a country like Canada. He would have a lot of friends in the United States without any problem.

His closest relationship would be with Saskatchewan, but it’s a very classic sibling relationship.

Newfoundland would be his best friend, the odds made it that they found a lot of common traits that brought them on friendly terms. The odds being that Newfoundland was looking for job outside of his house and a drinking buddy.

There’s definitely potential for him and Quebec to get along, but that’s for him to see past the « whiny french guy ».

((I definitely want to develop on the subject but let’s keep that for another time when I have the characters more fleshed out ))

[cator99]

The other day I mentioned to my male coworker that I'm planning on moving to Toronto very soon and he just started gawking like why would you do that its sooooo expensive what a huge risk! then he like opened up chat GPT I don't even know what the fuck that is but he was like I guess asking this AI questions about the cost of living in Toronto versus Calgary because he was too lazy to google it or whatever and trying to tell me that it was like unlivably expensive I'm sorry but Alberta is unlivably garbage so I dunno maybe I have my reasons that make this decision worth every penny like it's so fucking condescending, you think I haven't thought of this? You really think I'm just doing this entirely on a whim and I'm too stupid to do my own research and come to my own conclusions about what I want to do with my life and where I want to do these things... it would be one thing if he seemed genuinely concerned and wanting to like help me figure out the logistics but this wasn't that he was just trying to instill me with a sense that it's better here and discourage me from doing something I've been planning for a while now and I made that very clear and in response he made it very clear that not only does he think I'm stupid but that he doesn't perceive me as having any sort of interiority or whatever like I'm just toddling about the world thoughtlessly and if I didn't have Dumfuk Dylan here to guide me back onto the right path staying in yeeyee ass goofsville then I'd end up... what, exactly? Like what's the worst that could happen ? I end up homeless in Toronto? I've been homeless how many times... in a youth shelter and couch surfing regularly and all that shit.... I did my first round of couch surfing at 14 I'm sure for someone like him the idea of risking the comfort of monotony and the ability to do the same boring pointless shit for decades straight with little variation and no actual goals beyond Stay Here And Be Comfortable At All Times Find Wife Have Kids Move Back To Suburbs And Continue The Cycle Save For Retirement And Kids College Fund blah blah blah im sure it seems unfathomable to people like him and my goals incomprehensible but that's the thing asshole I have goals and they do in fact require risk but the truth is that no matter how much it might look like I'm risking anything I'm really not and I will always be in a better place (physically, mentally, all of it) than I started pretty much no matter what and that sense of perspective makes it easier to fuck off and do whatever I want. Also- and I'm being real here, baring my soul type shit- I don't need retirement savings. I'm going to live the way I want to live, and die the way I want to die. More or less.

[sundownintheparisoftheprairies]

Thoughts about Mattie as the prairies opened up?

!!!!!!

Okay so,

The prairies have always been in the back of Matt's head as like. 'im aware it exists but it's fuzzy and doesn't really matter'.

Fur Traders both French and British prowled the area from like 1640s-1840s with some British making homesteads as well. But it was never really Matts. The Red River colony is Metis and moved into the prairie area but Canada (like actual government ) really did not like them (shocker I know). This was mainly what we now know as Manitoba but back then even when it became part of Confederation it was called the postage stamp province because it was so small.

So for most of his colonial life if say he wasn't very connected or that aware of the prairies at all. It was mainly fur trading space and was very fuzzy and neglected. It also wasn't part of him for a while. I mean Alberta and Saskatchewan both joined Confederation in 1905. Matt was already pretty established by then.

In regards to gaining the land I don't think Matt as a person was prepared to get SO MUCH in such a little time. Just all of a sudden, BAM prairies, good luck son. Arthur basically just gave all of the Hudson Bay company over to Matt. And it was a lot of space and it was so different to what he was used too.

But they did kinda start what Canada is known for today? Immigration. Yes there was immigration to Canada before the prairies but it was mainly from the British isles. The prairies came and suddenly they didn't know what to do and called for immigration from other places. I live in a very Scottish and Ukrainian place just because those are the people who settled and influenced the area.

I think Matt would be unsettled at first and just overwhelmed by how different things were. Of course this also helped the railways and actually connect Canada together instead of there being this... Empty space that was technically England's but was never used. It made Matt feel more complete bit more.... Canadian. More than just a shadow of two empires.

Also I think he just shot up like a weed. Became even more lanky and tall in a short period of time. Those growing pains must have been brutal. But he was also more useful now that he had actual land that could grow things lol. Father was so proud.

Overall the prairies made him more him. Made him feel a sense of self and self worth and most importantly made father actually look at him. " Oh you can provide wheat for me? Good lad". "what's that? You found oil? I can pay less for you? Fantastic". " You are creating and producing illegal alcohol and selling it to your brother? That's my clever boy".

[sga-owns-my-soul]

thanks @frostysfrenzy for the tag!!

Were you named after anybody? nope! my siblings both have their middles names after our grandparents but i’m not named after anyone

When was the last time you cried? uhh idk honestly i think a few days ago?

Do you have kids? no and i don’t want any. my brother has two girls and my friend has a kid and i love them but i am more than happy in the aunt role thanks

Do you use sarcasm a lot? it was tempting to respond to this with sarcasm 😂😂 yes i use sarcasm a lot i am a very sarcastic person and it’s a little problematic honestly

What sports did you play/have you played? when i was a tiny baby child i played soccer, and in grade 7 i did cheerleading which i loved and desperately want to get back into some day, even just casually

What’s the first thing you notice in somebody? idk probably their hair honestly

Eye colour? blue but they get really grey when i’m upset apparently (idk i don’t tend to look in mirrors when i’m crying)

Scary movies or happy endings? i do love some good angst or suspension but i’m a sucker for a happy ending (especially a happy ending following an angsty story that’s some good stuff)

Any special talents? does cat grooming count? i don’t wanna brag or boast so i won’t go too much into it (unless people want me to bc tbh i could probably make an essay about it) but i’m really good at what i do and a big part of it is bc i respect the cats and if they are telling me “no this needs to stop” i will always listen. cats are very dramatic and i know the difference between “i’m annoyed and this sucks” and “i am not okay with this situation and i’m warning you that you need to stop” and listening when they need you to makes SUCH a difference in the service. anyways i’m proud of the work that i do and i’m really passionate about it (and i’m kinda really good)

Where were you born? in a hospital! in the horrible province of alberta, canada! (i’m kidding it’s actually a beautiful province and there’s a lot to love our government just kinda sucks and a lot of people are really bigoted)

What are your hobbies? i watch a lot of tv (stargate mostly at the moment surprise surprise) and read/write fan fic (take a guess what) but i’ve been trying to pick up some more stuff that takes me away from screens. i started drawing, which im horrible at and i love. i started knitting, and as soon as i get the right needles im gonna make a temperature blanket. im also trying to take up swimming, dancing, and rock climbing to get into better shape! i love all 3 activities im just really bad at making myself be active so it’s a slow process lol

Do you have pets? yes!! currently just my orange gremlin, charlie (should i make a post about him i feel like he deserves a space on my blog idk lemme know if i should) and he owns my heart (even if he is a fuckin menace who ruins my life and never lets me sleep)

How tall are you? idk 5’2? 5’3? ish? somewhere around that range

Favourite subject in high school? theatre in general but specifically tech theatre. i took a theatre intensive class all 3 years of high school and it was 4 classes rolled into one and tech theatre was one of them. i ended up doing stage management in grade 11 kind of as a fluke and i fell in LOVE it was so much fun i miss it

Dream job? cat grooming 🥰🥰🥰 i love it so so much and i love that i get to do it for my career

this was so fun thanks again for the tag!! i’m gonna tag @the-mushroom-faerie @spurious @books-space-things @zababova-pomsta @colonelshepparrrrd and as always anyone else who wants to but hasn’t been tagged! ((no pressure to do this if you don’t want to!))

[dead-thorin]

i have so many thought about it but cbs ghosts sucks lol

the acting did get better over the first season but Jesus. I skipped episodes bc i just didnt care about what the plot was going to be for some. Thor and Flower are just the stereotypes from their era which is just... bad writing. Like flower was separately in a cult and a commune? Man pick a struggle. I understand that people did those things and did drugs and yada yada, everything she's got going on people did back then, but it feels like they did that because they wanted to make her interesting instead of actually exploring why and how people did those things.

Honestly Trevor is a stereotype too and he just... doesn't really grow I feel like? Again skipped around so maybe im wrong but I get it, he's sexist, he parties, etc etc. I didn't know Isaac was supposed to be closeted for half this season and then I looked it up and I'm just like???? Idk that's not how I did shit when I was closeted so I'm comparing it to that. I don't like how they wrote about Hetty's era because they just made it too direct. "Oh women shouldn't vote theyre small minded, they shouldnt go to college" like yes write about those things, but make them more subtle? She just directly says those things like what? She mentioned once about how children can see ghosts until like age 5 and then by 6 theyre off to the mines, like that was a good throwaway.

Honestly, my biggest pet peeve is that these characters are just... flat. Like I simply don't care. They don't really grow, the writers barely showed their dynamics and how they interacted with each other before sam came into the picture, and when they do there's no depth. Like Thor sang to hetty when she was a child (which was about violence bc haha get it??? VIKINGS!!!!) and I guess it was supposed to highlight that he was hurt that they were no longer close, but it just felt not that deep. Esp when you consider that it's been at least like 150 years. Like if they had shown how he's tried throughout the years to reconnect with her, sure that would've been good, but no. Also apparently Isaac and Hetty had been friends for that long as well and I just didn't really get that.

Robin from the BBC version is a caveman, but he learned to play chess with julian. He knows about fire and about new technologies, he fucking speaks English for God's sake. It's hard for the ghosts because the previous resident didn't have technologies, like tv, but he changed with the times in those small ways that isn't as apparent then when they all experienced those changes (like using a laptop). And I really wish that type of thing was shown in the CBS series. Like if Thor had tried to learn to play chess or cards or some shit with Hetty to try and reconnect with her. Pete and Isaac and Flower talk about camping in the woods and what makes a good campsite. Crash and Alberta discuss music. Like it wouldve shown the dynamic between each other and how they adapted to modern times. Also really mad that like Pete's schedule for the day is mentioned like once and that's it. In the BBC version it demonstrated that they really lived with each other and befriended each other and that could've been used in this series.

The headless guy (aka Crash) also showed up the first episode and that was it. Like in the BBC one, Humphrey isn't always in the episode, but he's there enough and there was an episode revolving around him. Why show off brand James Dean and then never talk about him again? Like at least have the characters ask about him. "Oh where's crash?" "I think I saw him in the attic". Which btw, I didn't know his name was crash, like I had to look it up bc again, they straight up just dont talk about him.

I don't like the main couple. At this point I doubt Jay knows Sam's name because he just calls her babe. And, idk, it feels like they knew each other for a few months and then eloped. Like idk how to describe their dynamic, I feel like Jay definitely supports her, but she isn't giving back as much and then sometimes I feel like he doesn't believe that she sees ghosts? Like obviously couples have problems at times, but the resolution is just them being oh ok its fine, and then never talking about it. It just doesn't seem like a good dynamic and they dont have conflict. The conflict they had in the DnD episode was so bad. She lied about what the ghosts said and like that shouldve broken the trust the ghosts had with her, but everyone brushed it off. Jay, I feel like, shouldve been way more pissed off bc that was his friend group that he lost and he really loves DnD and found another group, and then she was selfish enough to do that? And then its brushed away? Man, come on lol

Some of these actors were... a choice to make. I dont like Isaac's actor for that role. I think he's a good actor, but eh. I don't like Thorfinn's actor maybe? Like I just don't like the character because he's loud and violent and, again, just a stereotypical viking, like tone it down, we get it. He plays the stereotype well, I guess?I don't like Sam's actress, she was good in iZombie, but this aint it. Jay is fine I guess? It's like Thor where it might just be the writing, idk. I do really like the acting from Sas and Hetty, they're pretty good. Pete and Alberta's acting also got better over the first season and I like the storyline about Alberta and her trying to seek fame, I actually thought that episode was pretty good. I also do like the Isaac/Nigel thing going on, I just wish their relationship was explored a bit more and it demonstrated them being better friends outside of their daily walks.

I know the first series is like rough because theyre trying to find a rhythm, and I want to give season two a shot, but Jesus Christ. I honestly do not understand why it has such good reviews, i really dont.

[gnwookieee]

hi hi hi, im so sorry about not replying straight away! i love your messages so much that i wanted to spend time making sure i gave a good reply <33

Aww, thank you! I already read your reply once before writing my response and it’s sooo sweet 🫶 THANK YOU FOR TAKING THE TIME TO WRITE BACK SOO BEAUTIFULLY.

shipping and tax prices are my biggest enemy 🥺, sometimes it literally costs 3x the price of the album! South Korean fans are very lucky they don't have to pay ridiculous shipping costs lol. ive seen some people do those group orders which is suppose to lower the shipping costs for you but it takes longer for the album to be delievered to you... i don't have that kind of patience 😅

I feel you on that! And sometimes I have to pay additional duties in Canada depending on where I order from. It’s also hard to predict how much it’ll cost in some stores (there’s some KPOP stores in my city). 

aah your Canada recs sound amazing! 🫶🏻 i'm adding them all to a list so i dont forget them when i plan a trip there!! i have been researching a plan to fly from London to Toronto and then take a high-speed train all the way to Vancover, apparently it takes 3 days and 20 hours but it is supposed to be really picturesque.

I never took the train from Toronto to Vancouver (it's very pricey) but I heard it’s beautiful as well. If you do get to go, I hope you enjoy it!!!

i definetly want to go to British Columbia, have you ever been to Stanley Park? I’ve seen it pop up on alot of ‘must-do things in BC’ and it looks pretty. 

Yep! I’ve been to Stanley Park a few times. When it's nice out, you can bike around the sea wall (there's bike rentals) or you can take a 4 to 5 hour stroll (that’s what I did LMAO). I think they also do horse carriages. 

do you think autumn/fall would be a good time to visit? or is it better in the summer months? i'm sure it depends on where abouts in Canada you are as it is so large. autumn is my favourite season and i really like seeing all the folliage, i can image the trees in canada turn really pretty.

Honestly, it’s probably better to visit in the Fall but I’m biased because I hateee the summer heat. It does rain quite a bit in British Columbia during October or November depending on the year and if you’re in Alberta, you might get hit with snow, hail, idkkk (honestly, I don’t know why people live there. The weather is sooo extreme there but everyone I met there was nice) depending on how Mother Nature is feeling. 

OMG how was South Korea??? i'm very jealous i want to go so bad but noone i know wants to go with me and i'm a little scared to travel so far on my own at the momenet but in a few years i'm sure i'll be brave enough lol. i hope you have an amazing time when you go back as well, do you have any plans or things you want to do when you go back? March/May time sounds so perfect to be there, the cherry blossoms are supposed to be so pretty at that time!! 🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻

It was super fun. I was there for 19 days but there was a typhoon on the day of my birthday (thank you for the present, South Korea 🥰) so unfortunately we (as in my bf and I) lost two to three full days. We also had to rebook a couple of things because we were suppose to fly from Busan to Jeju Island while the typhoon hit. Though regardless, it was still lots of fun fun!! 

Most of the time, we were hiding indoors in cute cafes or cute stores because it was sooo freaking hot while we were there (over 30 degree celsius 😭). The weather was a lot better after the typhoon though. There’s sooo much I could talk about but my my favourite areas I visited were the Bukchon Hanok Village (Seoul), Ikseondong Hanok Village (Seoul), Gamcheon Culture Village (Busan), and Aewol Cafe Street (Jeju Island). Here's some Seoul cafe recommendation. If you want to know more, let me know!!! I can literally write an essay about my trip.

As for places I want to go, here’s a list of cafes in Seoul I want to go. For Busan, I’m hoping to do stuff I didn’t get to do such as going to the Songdo Cloud Trails + Base Station + Sky Park + Suspension Bridge, Sky Capsule, Gaya Land, and probably Haeundae Market + Beach as well. For Jeju, so far I’m planning to return to the Aewol Cafe Street and just visit the cafes in the island (they’re so beautiful, boujee, and spacious). These are some possible cafes I might visit in Seoul.

honestly ilysm!! thank you so much for all of your messages, i have loved talking about travel recommendations with you! 🫶🏻🫶🏻

It was super fun. I was there for 19 days but there was a typhoon on the day of my birthday (thank you for the present, South Korea 🥰) so unfortunately we (as in my bf and I) lost two to three full days. We also had to rebook a couple of things because we were suppose to fly from Busan to Jeju Island while the typhoon hit. Though regardless, it was still lots of fun fun!! 

oh gosh how typical that there was a typhoon on your birthday 🥺!! annoying that you lost some of your days bc of it but i’m glad you stayed safe and still had a good time 🫶🏻! i went to Florida last year and a similar thing happened to me with a hurricane, not great lol😅

Most of the time, we were hiding indoors in cute cafes or cute stores because it was sooo freaking hot while we were there (over 30 degree celsius 😭). The weather was a lot better after the typhoon though. There’s sooo much I could talk about but my my favourite areas I visited were the Bukchon Hanok Village (Seoul), Ikseondong Hanok Village (Seoul), Gamcheon Culture Village (Busan), and Aewol Cafe Street (Jeju Island). Here's some Seoul cafe recommendation. If you want to know more, let me know!!! I can literally write an essay about my trip.

you are giving me all of the travel inspiration, i love it 🥰!! i feel like you should be a travel planner/coordinator, bc you give such good recommendations!! the traditional villages look so pretty, it’s amazing how the country has such a mix of modern and traditional areas! i’m going to have a look at all the cafes you recommended tysm!! 🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻

As for places I want to go, here’s a list of cafes in Seoul I want to go. For Busan, I’m hoping to do stuff I didn’t get to do such as going to the Songdo Cloud Trails + Base Station + Sky Park + Suspension Bridge, Sky Capsule, Gaya Land, and probably Haeundae Market + Beach as well. For Jeju, so far I’m planning to return to the Aewol Cafe Street and just visit the cafes in the island (they’re so beautiful, boujee, and spacious). These are some possible cafes I might visit in Seoul.

aaah it all sounds so amazing 🤩 !! i’m going to ask you about any South Korea travel questions i have in the future! you are now my personal travel expert. i have made notes on and googled all of the places/things you have wrote, i’m really interested in the Songdo Cloud Trails and Sky Capsule! i might have to start planning my dream future trip now just for fun

i love that there is such a big cafe culture in South Korea! i feel like it will be my happy place if I ever get to go! cafés are really just the best.

i really hope you get to visit/see everything, and that there are no natural disasters this time!

[someonecalledforanurse]

Blog Post 2 - Monkey Pox

Monkey Pox is spreading in Alberta. As of June 17/2022 The Public Health Agency of Canada has confirmed (PHAC) has been working with provincial and territorial public health partners to investigate cases of monkeypox in Canada. As the investigation evolves, it is anticipated that additional cases will be reported in Canada. Provinces and territories have publicly reported 168 cases of monkeypox as of June 17, 2022 at 10:00 am EDT.

https://www.canada.ca/en/public-health/services/diseases/monkeypox.html

I have been following this because, obviously pandemics are on the brain.  I feel like a lot of society has been dealing with PTSD from the lockdowns that occurred during the height of the Covid-19 Pandemic.

My initial thought when I heard about an outbreak of Monkey Pox was why? Why are we getting so much exposure to such new diseases or potential pandemics? Why now?  I asked this in class and the answer was access and globalization. Absolutely this makes complete sense, but do we have significantly more globalization (flights and imports/exports) than we did 5-10 years ago, Im not sure. Advances in technology and communication no doubt have helped with globalization on a communication and business level but couldn’t it technically lessen the amount of actually physical travel by humans because of the easily accessible communications that don’t require travel.  So, in a way doesn’t this blow out the theory of globalization causing pandemics? I needed to look into this so I thought I would look up some statistics.  What I found was that over the past 20 years globalization of people has rose slightly but not dramatically, globalization of information is what has drastically inclined the most. 

 So has the human globalization been the reason for the covid 19 pandemic, or was it just a coincidence? What are the chances of two potential pandemics in 3 years?  Is it the medical advances that have allowed us to track a pandemic where as any other years before perhaps covid 19 may have been classified by “this year’s flu”?   I have a lot of questions about this.  I have even considered the pharmaceutical companies economic benefit, in this past pandemic. They have a lot to gain from another pandemic occurring. 

 So how does this all tie into INTD 370

*Communicable and non-communicable disease, We have seen the impact not only on global economies, but how it has wreaked havoc on health care systems globally.  One positive thing from the pandemic that has stuck out in my mind is that the importance of health care professionals has been recognized my many more people and perhaps in the future, will cause our law-making politicians to cut elsewhere when they start trying to “balance budgets”.  One thing is for certain, our future generations will look back on this time and view us as pioneers, in the ways in which we continued to learn and discover and work amidst the, always evolving, difficult and worrisome times of the covid-19 pandemic.

From covid 19 we have seen the *trends of poverty and *disparities that come with a pandemic and is scary. Perhaps in the future we can now be more prepared to reduce these disparities when dealing with a pandemic . But perhaps we may not have to in our lifetime. I would be okay with that . 😅

*maternal Health and *children's health was drastically affected by the pandemic. I know, I was pregnant and had both my kids in the beginning and at the end of the pandemic ! Fewf, what a wild ride. I attended doctors visits alone and ultrasounds alone, and when I had to have home care because I had hyperemesis gravidarum and my husband was working away, they had to miss many appointments because they were just stretched too thin. This meant missed picc line dressing changes and although luckily it never ended up getting infected for me, I can see how an older patient or someone more disabled, it could have meant higher rates of infection. I have seen first hand the affect that a pandemic has on maternal and childrens health both physically and mentally and my only hope is we dont have to go through that again.

[bropunzeling]

director's cut of your choice of scenes from the elopement timestamp :)))))

hello from the airport :)))) here is matthew and brady's conversation aka a secret fave scene of mine:

"Dude, you're so wound up," Brady says as they go through a bucket of pucks at Centene. The ring of the posts and their muffled curses fill the rafters. "Are you stressed about something? What is there to even stress about?" [this scene had two goals. one was more sibling/ratfam content (since its very lacking from the original works for obvious reasons) and the other was to get to the point at the end of the conversation. i decided that brady needed to be the guy because (1) i like writing him (2) matthew would actually open up to him and (3) because he's already been married for a couple years/is gonna be a dad/etc etc it adds this nice, your sibling is further along than you (helpful, rather than anxiety provoking)]

Matthew’s shot goes off the post and rolls away. He curses. "Nothing."

"Uh-huh." Instead of grabbing a new puck, Brady leans on his stick. "Try me." [matthew has not acted like this since the summer of 2022 and brady is not stupid]

Matthew takes another shot, straightens up. Brady’s still looking at him, flat and even. God, he’s not gonna move, is he. 

Giving up, Matthew checks the rink—safe, Leon went off to hit the bike five minutes ago and no one else is around [one of my editing points was reminding myself of the secrecy! like obvs they are not as horribly repressed and not telling anyone anything as they were in meet me halfway, but like, leon's reputation matters to both of them and neither want to test and see what would happen if it came out that they were dating. theyre admittedly sloppy, but it’s still a thing they think about]—and then says, in a low voice, "I asked Leon if she'd ever want to, uh. To marry me."

Brady sucks in a breath. "You proposed?"

Matthew shakes his head vigorously. "No. No. [i mean, you kinda did.] I didn't mean now, I meant in the future. Someday. You know."

"Sounds like you proposed,” Brady says, much too loudly. The whole building might have heard him.

"I didn't," Matthew insists. "All I wanted was for her to think about it, you know? I wasn't going to—to spring anything on her." [me on my relationship soapbox like SURPRISE PROPOSALS ARE SHITTY AND YOU SHOULD ALWAYS TALK ABOUT IT FIRST] He clutches at his stick. "Just—I wanted her to know that I was serious, and see if she'd also want that, and now it's been like four days, and she hasn't said anything, and I kind of think I fucked something up. Fuck, maybe I shouldn't have said anything at all. What if I scared her off?"

"Dude. Breathe." Brady's infuriatingly calm. [the contrast between brady's general inflappability and matthew's anxiety is always funny to me.] Matthew glares at him. "I doubt you fucked anything up."

"You don't know that.”

Brady shrugs. "Okay, no, I don't know for sure, but like—you can't really think you scared her off."

"It's happened before," Matthew mumbles. [obvi like -- they are pretty good and over the events of The Battle of Alberta, Playoffs Edition; it's been years. however, that won't stop matthew from being anxious! last time he thought they were on the verge of a relationship upgrade leon ghosted him! he doesnt want that to happen again] He doesn't want to stand here while Brady looks at him with that calm, know-it-all expression. Maybe he'll go collect some pucks. He heads towards the goal.

Skates scrape behind him. "Matt." When Matthew looks over his shoulder, Brady’s trailing behind him with the bucket. "She’s stupid in love with you." [one of the fun things about this time stamp, along with everything, was finally getting to let this version of leon be stupid and romantic and overcome by her own feelings. she's soooooo gone.] At Matthew’s glare, Brady rolls his eyes. "I was there when she showed up last summer, remember? I think I'd know." [another fun thing was dropping bits of Lore that im not sure will ever become a proper cleaned up ao3 time stamp, and this was a big one i wanted to hit!!!]

Matthew bends down and grabs a few pucks out of the crease. He hadn't actually been awake when Leon had shown up in Florida last summer; he hadn't been expecting her. They had agreed, after the Oilers got knocked out, that she'd wait to come out until after the playoffs were over. She had to close up her house; debrief the season with Connor. And—they'd fought about it, over the phone, more yelling than there had been in a long time, but Leon had asked how he'd feel if he was there watching from the sidelines while she won the Cup without him. If he'd really be all that happy for her. [it was important to me to hit this because obvi we see the opposite in meet me halfway - matthew checking in and gone even when leon beat his team - but crucially they never did get to this point, and im not sure matthew ever thought through what it would look like if leon HAD made it that far. mr hiding in the garage when the cup was at his house probably wouldn't have handled it well! and like - even if they are in love and in a relationship, they are still the same fundamental people who are competitive and desperate to win and hate to see other people get what they want. so of course they fought.] [obvi my solution to this tension is in 5 or so years they play on the same team, win cup, put baby in cup.]

She'd apologized the next day, but she'd made her point, too. When she booked her flights for late June, he hadn't argued.

Then his sternum got cracked. Mom and Dad had to drive him home from the rink and help him out of his own clothes. And when he woke up after a miserable night, it was to find Leon asleep sitting up on the bed next to him, holding his hand like it was a lifeline. It wasn't until later that he'd gotten the details out of Mom—how Leon had shown up at two in the morning, exhausted and incoherent and making a beeline right for his bedroom. How she wouldn't leave, even when Mom tried to insist she go find an actual bed and get some sleep. [(a) she was doing so bad. (b) this is absolutely the tipping point for matthew's people to be like oh shit this is a big deal thing, as you can see with the below]

Matthew had spent the next few days thinking mostly about how much his chest hurt and how badly the team was playing, but he also noticed the way Brady and Leon had quietly teamed up—to get him out of bed, to get him dressed, to get him to the arena. [there is a whole unrealized scene in my head of them watching matthew suffer during game 4 on the couch and both are like, quietly so fucking stressed out for him, and it’s this little moment of quiet bonding and acceptance where its like you love him, i love him, we both wish he wasn't on the ice right now] Once he got past the self-pity, he’d found it pretty funny. However Brady had felt about Leon before—and Matthew was pretty sure that feeling wasn't acceptance, no matter how much Brady tried to hide it [brady really did not like leon after the Events of rob thomas' party. as soon as he connected the dots that girl matthew has been moping over for months = leon draisaitl, leon was fully on his shit list. he definitely headhunted her that whole next season]—apparently Matthew breaking himself could smooth over almost anything.

"Listen," Brady says now, leaning against the net and holding out the bucket for Matthew to dump pucks into. "Do I think she was a dick when she ghosted you? Yeah. But she's fucking crazy about you now. You can't miss it."

Matthew drops a handful of pucks into the bucket with a clunk, then heads for the boards. "Okay, but like—she hasn't said anything," he says. "What if she doesn't want to?"

"What? Get married?"

Matthew nods. [crux of the scene!】

Brady skids to a stop by the boards. "I don't know, man. I mean, maybe she doesn't because she thinks it's too soon. Or maybe it's not that big a deal to her. Half the guys from Europe do the whole, you know. The partner thing." [matthew: spiraling. brady: repository of reasonable takes] He shrugs. "I guess the question is, if she wants to be with you, but doesn't want to marry you, are you gonna be okay with that?" [and here we go! so like, a Big Theme of meet me halfway/the girl!leon cinematic universe (gcu) is like, dealing with expectations and hangup and how you pictured your life going vs how it's actually going vs how you actually want it to go. and obviously for most of it this is leon's journey - reconciling hockey and a personal life, understanding that she doesn't have to shut out friends or family or the potential for partnership in order to have a career, that it won't make her lesser or softer, that it’s okay to be soft in the first place.

but. BUT. it's very important to me that matthew is ALSO going through this reexamination of his own expectations. his picture of life was not so subtly based on his parents and structured in a very particular way. and falling for another hockey player who wouldn't be staying home, who would push and challenge him and be her own independent person, naturally upends some of those comfortable images he had of his future. and this is just one more instance of him needing to look at what he imagined for himself and changing the picture to fit not what he thought he would get, but what will actually work for him and leon, what they actually want together. and here and in the next scene is when it hits that its not about the trappings but about the knowing. he doesn't want leon to push him away, he wants to know that theyre going to be doing this together, but that doesn't mean they have to do things the way everyone else does, either.]

Matthew chews the inside of his cheek. Would he be? It's hard to know. For so long, he's had that little picture of what his future looked like. Even as it changed, that part—being married, that sense of permanency—it’s always been there. He doesn't know how he'd feel if it were gone. [again the permanency is the thing. obviously i am like, in the middle of my own feelings about all this, but really it is like: you're here with me, im with you. even when we're annoying or stressed out or tired or miserable or caught covid on our romantic vacation when you were gonna propose. you're with me and i'm with you and it's gonna be for the long haul.]

"Just something to think about," Brady says after a moment. He claps Matthew on the shoulder. "But for what it's worth, I think she's pretty fucking serious about you."

Matthew hip checks him back. Brady doesn't move, the fucker. "When did you get so smart, asshole?"

Brady laughs. "Who says I haven't always been this smart?"

"You were a fucking idiot when you were thirteen," Matthew retorts.

Brady shoves him into the boards, the bucket of pucks clattering to the ice. "You really gonna bring up teen shit? Because I remember—" [brothers!]

Things go a little haywire after that, first chasing each other and then all the loose pucks scattered across the rink. By the time they've collected everything, they're both laughing hard enough that they can't catch a breath.

"Hey," someone shouts. Leon's leaning on the boards, wet hair sticking to her head and the nape of her neck. "Are we gonna go soon? I'm starving." [relatable]

"Yeah," Matthew calls back, making his way towards her. "We're done, I think."

When he makes it over the boards, Leon’s already reaching out, one hand fisting in his jacket. She yanks him closer, kissing him, then pulls back and says, "Go shower. You stink." [they would be so much better at keeping their secret relationship secret if they didn't want to make out and or fuck whenever they're within five feet of each other. alas]

"Uh-huh," Matthew says, ducking back in to kiss her again, just to see if her nose will wrinkle. It does. [gross!!!! and!!! in love!!!]

"Shower," Leon repeats, slapping his chest and shoving him towards the door. "Hey, Brady. You coming to lunch?"

Matthew misses whatever Brady says to her, but he doesn't miss when Brady comes into the locker room and snaps a towel at him. "Told you," Brady says in a low voice. Almost subtle, for him. "Crazy about you." [rip to brady, who has to witness god's most embarrassing pda every day of his summer and then deal with his older brother thinking that his girlfriend doesn't love him]

Matthew busies himself with his towel. His cheeks are warm.

[myjournalwillhearaboutthis]

Minimalism and Morality (ft. prosperity gospel)

speaking of every mormon house in utah having the same bleak minimalism aesthetic and some combination of the same 7 basic religious paintings from deseret:

i've also seen this look in alberta, canada, where I grew up. (yes alberta is the utah of canada, no i was not in southern alberta aka the utah of alberta)

Big mcmansion-esk house, beige and grey colour schemes, the smell of new shag carpet and nearly empty rooms with a few pieces of basic furniture and maybe a pop of colour. Nearly all the decor fits into at least one of three categories: religious, family pictures, or live laugh love. There is a piano. Everything is clean and spotless, no clutter to be seen.

The people who live there are an older couple, the husband is a bishop or something. The wife is all smiles and offers you a drink or a snack, and will be the first to bring up a story about one of their many, now adult and moved out children. She will run off to the kitchen before the end of the conversation, to prep dinner or finish cleaning, isn't she such a good homemaker?

I noticed the size of the house, the new furniture, the name-brand snacks in the perfectly organized pantry. Different than what I was used to at home. Different than the homes of the other young member families back in our branch. Our houses were small and messy. I didn't yet know about prosperity gospel, but I was buying into it.

I sensed the energy of the empty space inherent to minimalism in houses with vaulted callings and called it the spirit. I assigned it the moral value of 'good', which meant that anything that wasn't the same was bad.

For a long time that was my idea of what the most spiritual and righteous life looked like.

Big house. No clutter. Only church pictures on the wall. The perfect people who got up at 6am every morning and never missed a prayer or scripture study. (morning prayer and study, prayer for all the meals, family study, family prayer, then evening prayer: if you were super good then family study would be in the morning and you would have another personal study at night)

On some level I really did think that if my family just prayed more, and made sure to read the scriptures every night, then we would get that perfect life. That our sub-par family study was the thing holding us back from being wealthy. That if we just prayed more, all the clutter would magically disappear.

That i didn't deserve this life I saw because I didn't have a daily scripture study habit.

Being in these houses now, the space i once called spirit just feels cold and lifeless. If feels fake to me, and devoid of personality.

I prefer cozy, warmer, maximalist styles. I know not everyone agrees, and that's good! Taste is subjective and we should all be able to like what we like, and cultivate our own styles. If you like minimalism, go for it! No aesthetic or style is superior to another, and none has intrinsic moral value. (unless its something based entirely and completely inseparable from racism or bigotry or something... im not saying aesthetics are completely neutral or that they can't be used to communicate in not-so-great ways {for one example see tradwives with cottagecore} but you can't accurately judge the full moral character of a person solely based on how many trinkets they put on a shelf)

My problem is the conformity: I'd have the same concern even if it was a interior design trend I loved instead of minimalism.

BUT THERE'S MORE!!!

in the case of minimalism, it isn't just a trendy thing people are hopping on the bandwagon and choosing just to fit in. No.

it has become synonymous with being morally good, smart, and even environmentally friendly (but thats not really a motivator for conservative lds in utah, they don't even recycle bottles).

Because minimalism has for so long been put on a pedestal as THE way while disparaging everything else, it is very hard for me to believe that everyone who lives in or aspires to live in this sort of home is actually really in love with it. To me it just feels like one of those things you pursue because once you get it, then you will be happy. And thats some bs right there

The amount of internalized shame about clutter and mess ect compounded with the special cocktail of perfection pressure from lds culture is a lot. And it took me a long time to stop being ashamed of not being a minimalist. I'm allowed to have things, that doesn't make me a bad person. Its okay if my entire wardrobe doesn't fit in one suitcase, why am i even trying to do that? So what if that youtuber does that, she likes to travel all over the place, has a white and beige minimalist style, and gets the most joy out of experiences. All that is great, but I'M not like that!!

She is happy because she has found a way to live that works for HER goals, happiness, and style. It is not because minimalism makes people happy.

I like lots of variety in my clothing, I don't want to travel all over the world or move to a new place every three months, and I almost always choose any other colour over white. So why do I think that if i can just make myself like minimalism, I'll be happy???

I no longer try to be a minimalist. But i still get feelings of guilt about my things, my home, my stuff.

And yeah, there are problems with being materialistic and there is no ethical consumption under capitalism, but feeling guilty about bringing home the wicker chest i found in the alley because 'i have too much stuff!' even though i love the look of it and its literally more storage space is really annoying.

I'm tired of one-size-fits-all ideals pushed by society and the church. Because usually they actually only fit few-to-none, and pretending that it does actually fit us is killing us all faster.

Decorate your home the way YOU like, because you like it. Not because you hope it will magically make you happy or more spiritual. Wanting to fit in isn't bad either, just don't sacrifice your personality for it.

I'm sure Utah is a perfectly fine place for many people, and for some people the exact right place for them to be and thrive, but it's not for me. I kinda hate utah.

And it is really upsetting that so many people think the fix to the "problems" they see in me (questioning, deconstructing, critically examining the beliefs and practices of this religion I've been raised in) is for me to go to BYU.