#lost father

[canisalbus]

✦ Freshly ordained ✦

[nouverx]

Obligatory Alastor and Niffty art because their little moment in the finale was everything to me I can't wait to see them interact more in the next seasons

Also bonus sketch bc I just know he kept the crown on the whole evening

[bixels]

Learning that fans hated Applejack and called her "boring" is crazyyy to me because I genuinely, unironically believe AJ's the most complex character in the main six.

Backstory-wise, she was born into a family of famers/blue collar workers who helped found the town she lives in. She grew up a habitual liar until she had the bad habit traumatized outta her. She lost both her parents and was orphaned at a young age, having to step up as her baby sister's mother figure. She's the only person in the main gang who's experienced this level of loss and grief (A Royal Problem reveals that AJ dreams about memories of being held by her parents as a baby). She moved to Manhattan to live with her wealthy family members, only to realize she'll never fit in or be accepted, even amongst her own family. The earlier seasons imply she and her family had money problems too (In The Ticket Master, AJ wants to go to the gala to earn money to buy new farm equipment and afford hip surgery for her grandma).

Personality-wise, she's a total people-pleaser/steamroller (with an occasional savior complex) who places her self worth on her independence and usefulness for other people, causing her to become a complete workaholic. In Applebuck Season, AJ stops taking care of herself because of her obsessive responsibilities for others and becomes completely dysfunctional. In Apple Family Reunion, AJ has a tearful breakdown because in she thinks she dishonored her family and tarnished her reputation as a potential leader –– an expectation and anxiety that's directly tied to her deceased parents, as shown in the episode's ending scene. In The Last Roundup, AJ abandons her family and friends out of shame because believes she failed them by not earning 1st place in a rodeo competition. She completely spirals emotionally when she isn't able to fulfill her duties toward others. Her need to be the best manifests in intense pride and competitiveness when others challenge her. And when her pride's broken, she cowers and physically hides herself.

Moreover, it's strongly implied that AJ has a deep-seated anger. The comics explore her ranting outbursts more. EQG also obviously has AJ yelling at and insulting Rarity in a jealous fit just to hurt her feelings (with a line that I could write a whole dissection on). And I'm certain I read in a post somewhere that in a Gameloft event, AJ's negative traits are listed as anger.

Subtextually, a lot of these flaws and anxieties can be (retroactively) linked to her parents' death, forcing her to grow up too quickly to become the adult/caregiver of the family (especially after her big brother becomes semiverbal). Notice how throughout the series, she's constantly acting as the "mom friend" of the group (despite everything, she manages to be the most emotionally mature of the bunch). Notice how AJ'll switch to a quieter, calmer tone when her friends are panicking and use soothing prompts and questions to talk them through their emotions/problems; something she'd definitely pick up while raising a child. Same with her stoicism and reluctance at crying or releasing emotions (something Pinkie explicitly points out). She also had a childhood relationship with Rara (which, if you were to give a queer reading, could easy be interpreted as her first 'aha' crush), who eventually left her life. (Interestingly enough, AJ also has an angry outburst with Rara for the same exact reasons as with EQG Rarity; jealous, upset that someone else is using and changing her). It's not hard to imagine an AJ with separation anxiety stemming from her mother and childhood friend/crush leaving. I'm also not above reading into AJ's relationship with her little sister (Y'all ever think about how AB never got to know her parents, even though she shares her father's colors and her mother's curly hair?).

AJ's stubbornness is a symptom of growing up too quickly as well. Who else to play with your baby sister when your brother goes nonverbal (not to discount Big Mac's role in raising AB)? Who else to wake up in the middle of the night to care for your crying baby sister when your grandma needs her rest? When you need to be 100% all the time for your family, you tend to become hard-stuck with a sense of moral superiority. You know what's best because you have to be your best because if you're aren't your best, then everything'll inevitably fall apart and it'll be your fault. And if you don't know what's best –– if you've been wrong the whole time –– that means you haven't been your best, which means you've failed the people who rely on you, which means you can't fulfill your role in the family/society, which makes you worthless . We've seen time and time again how this compulsive need to be right for the sake of others becomes self-destructive (Apple Family Reunion, Sound of Silence, all competitions against RD). We've seen in The Last Roundup how, when no longer at her best, AJ would rather remove herself from her community than confront them because she no longer feels of use to them.

But I guess it is kinda weird that AJ has "masculine" traits and isn't interested in men at all. It's totally justified that an aggressively straight, misogynistic male fandom would characterize her as a "boring background character." /s

At the time of writing this, it's 4:46AM.

[moejommadontpreach]

I’m feeling better about myself recently. At least today. I know Monday was rough. (For posterity this is on Wednesday)

I’ve made my workouts a little more vigorous, adding in body weight stuff between lifts. I’ve stuck to a regimen for the last two weeks and that I’ve recorded my workouts as detailed as possible. The documenting adds some accomplishment. My body is slowly gaining tone. I’m told conventional people like to document. Idk if that was an archeological, anthropological, or psychological concept. I may have made it up.

I need to walk more. I like to walk 4+ miles a day on hills. I like watching peoples dogs and gardens. Plus there’s 4 out door cats I can pet and approach. 1 ginger. 2 tuxedos and a tabby. The tabby has this really cute collar that says “if I am on x,y, or z streets I am not lost!!”

Still no progress on me actually graduating. Anytime someone tries to motivate I feel the need to further entrench myself. I’m combating years of thinking I’m not going anywhere. Years of thinking about self harm and suicide. Losing my father in that awful slow way sapped my willpower. I never valued life much before. and during that episode… I just wanted the suffering to stop for everyone.

I read a few articles on NSSI and that helped calm me some. Knowing other people have self harmed to try and combat extreme emotions helped me feel like I wasn’t a freak. I know that if I was teleported into someone’s life who was self harming I’d be rush with empathy. Idk if I could help them. I’d just want them to hear “I understand you, this person doesn’t not think you’re a freak. We all have a value. We have to find it ourselves, which is the hard part, but it can be found. Your crisis is shitty. There are ways to deal with it”

Now my fathers at peace but I still suffer. Maybe baseline suffering maybe, maybe a little less. I’m more at peace with my failed romances at least. Idk why I was so afraid of being alone as a kid. Everyone is alone to some extent. Just like every family is dysfunctional.

Looking for free creative writing courses currently. And playing more video games that I love.

[fallaciesruinlife]

Family's complicated

It's not that complicated, yet it is, if you think too little or too much.

Apparently, my hallucinations (so-called) aren't what they seem.

Now that I discovered I am a child of a father whose identity has not been exposed for the past 25 years living under the roof of a 7 house (deceit), I am utterly speechless.

My mother, who was impregnated by this real, biological father of mine, who seems to have a very cool gadget to communicate with me and to interact with me by invoking my memory box with his together at the same time, i.e he remembers every detail of my childhood, adolescence and now, adulthood.

I do understand why my mother, at one point in time, when I was 9, mentioned, 'divorce'. She was supposed to hand me over to my real father, in which, then, she took back her words and switched gears and decided to shove this reality away from me, thinking that would shelter me from knowing the truth of the matter.

Now I understand too why she gives me that dorky smile and says "You're supposed to be...." then stops whatever she's saying and sighs. Now I understand too, why she, at one point in time, mentioned that she was supposed to get married off to some old guy who travels quite often.

The truth of the matter is, now I know.

Great, this seems like a TV series which the episode just started.

My mum seems to be a schizophrenic too, just saying. She is delusional, I guess, saying that she could see animals which are not visible to the naked eye and claiming she is a psychic or she has a third eye or something (sorry, real psychics, I don't believe in third eye magic because I cannot see and I think the theory is a bit too far fetched and unrealistic, even with my very rich imaginative mind, I do think that third eye theory is a bit like twin flame theory, y'know.)

Me, on the other hand, could just be a schizoid (a variant of schizophrenia). What to do? I am a New Age believer, a Gnostic New Age believer, to be exact (I think) - astrology makes sense to me, and I believe numbers could speak some kind of meaning, and birds flying in pairs vs crows appearing in your way mean something too, and not just some luck issue.

[edenxrosey]

All That Remains

[ayo-edebiri]

I know how much you love your son. That's why I know you are gonna do what is right for him. Don't drag him down with you, Eddie.

[chaosandwaffles]

https://gofund.me/4ab8a63d

Any help is greatly appreciated please

[quess-art]

I need D'Urge to be a companion 😭 Especially since he's canonical even when you create a custom Tav

(Some headcanons, some based on little snippets of dialogue from the game)

[dragonroilz]

Have some FAITH.

[ropes3amthoughts]

I’m gonna be sick 😭

[ky-landfill]

[almondcroissantsandink]

i feel the need--the need for speed!

[qcomicsy]

They even had the exactly same gay haircut

[lemongrace]

Seralune for @bellamina

[bookishswordfish]

Saw a post like “What if Percy looked like Kronos?” and I cannot stop thinking about it