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locustheologicus · 10 months

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The Quest for Enlightenment and Healing

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I share in the relational dysfunction that many of us have. I have grown up being dependent on others and defining myself based on or in opposition to others, mostly my parents and family. In a similar way, I sought relationships that fulfilled my emotional or physical needs and allowed myself to be defined by others. This has caused so much pain and hurt. Feelings of mistrust and a sense of unworthiness damage the person I am and damage my ability to enter into a healthy relationship with others. The tendency is often to look at how others have failed or danaged me rather than look inside and recognize the damage to my God-given dignity. It becomes a vicious cycle until a moment of reflection and self-awareness begin to highlight my damaged nature. In my conversation with others, I find that many others share in this personal and relational dysfunction.

To those who struggle to find themselves and to reflect on their own dysfunctional issues, I recommend the following three books:

The Four Agreements, by Don Miguel Ruiz

The Power of Now, by Eckhart Tolle

The Jesuit Guide to Almost Everything, by James Martin, SJ

I recommend these three books and in the order I have them. Following Catholic/Christian spirituality, these texts do the following: They all reorient the reader to the power of their own relationship with the divine, themselves, and others. The process is one of self-awareness through reconciliation. The journey of these three authors reminds me of the journey that I wrote about where Q, in Star Trek Picard, allows Picard to reconcile with his own past so he can live fullly in the present moment. Since we do not have access to a super entity to guide us on the journey I suggest these three authors can guide us along the way. Only Fr. Martin's book is specifically within a Catholic spirituality, and even this one can be easily employed by a broad non-Catholic community. Once you have that orientation, then you will find three distinct aspect to the process of healing and enlightenment that they will present.

With Ruiz, you will be given four habit forming goals to allow you to grow with your own sense of integrity and without being dependent on the damaging judgments that others say. These habitual goals will also stop you from employing toxicity and judgment on yourself or others and will allow you to authentically relate with those around you. Through Ruiz, you will employ your free will in a manner consistent with your authentic self. The above video introduces you to his book.

If Ruiz empowers your free will, then Tolle will guide you to be open to God's grace. Tolle's emphasis is to bring you to the present moment, the now. Transcend your world of thought that focuses on the past and worries for the future. The now is where your being truly exists and where you can be truly attentive to yourself and those who are around you.

Martin brings these two concepts together through the tools of Jesuit spirituality. The Spiritual Exercises, the Examen, the process of prayerful discernment, the ability to find God in all things. These are Jesuit tools that can guide us in developing good habitual practices and being open to the present moment of God's grace.

There is a wonderful story that Martin shares about St. Ignatius of Loyola. His own path towards enlightenment and healing included his humble recognition that he was a loved part of something greater.

At night, Ignatius would go up on the roof of the house, with the sky there above him. He would sit quietly, absolutely quietly. He would them take his hat off and look up for a long time in the sky. Then he would fall to his knees, bowing profoundly to God. ... And the tears would begin to flow down his cheeks like a stream, bit so quietly and gently that you heard not a sob or a sigh nor the least possible movement of his body.

Here is the story of one who was present, who was in the moment of transcendence. Here is a story I relate with as I feel a sense of beauty and meaning when I look into the glory of the night sky.

Eckhart Tolle says this about God, "What is God? The eternal One Life underneath all the forms of life. What is love? To feel the presence of that One life deep within yourself and within all creatures. To be it. Therefore, all love is the love of God." This is the experience I feel, and I believe St. Ignatius had as we looked into the night sky.

We all long for enlightenment and healing. Anxieties, fear, and unhealthy relationships distract us from this process. I invite you to consider the wisdom of these texts and find meaning in the sacramental life we are living in the moment.

Go out on a clear night and look up in the sky. The thousands of stars you can see with the naked eye are no more than an infinitesimal fraction of what is there... What appears to us as space in our universe perceived through the mind and the senses is the Unmanifested itself, externalized. It is the "body" of God. And the greatest miracle is this: that stillness and vastness that enables the universe to be is not just out there in space - it is also within you. (Tolle, pg.141)

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alchemabotana · 3 years

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Horoscopes for the Full Moon in Capricorn June 24th 2021

Antonina “Little Thunder” Whaples

@whaplesantonina

If you enjoy these horoscopes, please consider supporting by voting for me as Ms. Health and Fitness 2021 for Muscle & Fitness Hers Magazine. You can vote once every 24 hours for free. If I win, I am donating the proceeds to herbal medicine school scholarships. To vote: https://mshealthandfitness.com/2021/antonina

Strawberry Moon - Pen & Ink Sketch by Antonina Whaples

Horoscopes for the Full Moon in Capricorn June 24th 2021

Strawberry Moon

This lunar Opening in Capricorn June 24th 2021 is a cry of righteousness on the hilly planes of our spiritual landscapes. With this meregoat’s lunation, we will experience the inherent benefits of the systematic work we’ve done since 2018, with a special emphasis on decisions made to change personal system errors. The Gods of karma are smiling at our intentions and efforts, and rewards will be reaped by those who invest in self discovery. Our ritual work has been seen and blessed in the Summer Solstice shifts by the spirits of the Land. If you listen closely on this strawberry moon, you may just hear the call of the Cosmic tricksters as they work their mojo on the psychopomp of Earthly frustrations. When you’re feeling the pull of your natal oppositions this moon, tune into the tendons of your actions and see where the motion stems from. You may be relieved to find that the strings that once pulled your puppet are made of finer ancestral threads and your permission to be free was always there. When you check into the Cosmic Chess Board you may find something of a rubix cube has emerged in your new dimensional awarenesses. Instead of throwing yourself into the equations necessary to unlock this next level, revel in the achievements that brought you to this very moment. In a cosmic landscape where the processes of life and death have been hyper focused in our collective consciousness it feels rebellious to change the font and type settings of the ancestral notepads in our minds. Representing the waters that run deeply within the Earth, Capricorn’s fullness in the night sky will illuminate various Spirits whose presence have been well established, but not necessarily recognized. A sign of the power of mental affirmation, your thoughts and words will hold a special magic in this moment. Remember that your Guides, Spirit Animals, Power Totems, Good Medicine Ancestors, and the Spirits of the Land are excellent translators, and with Mercury about to pop out of retrograde (watch out for its shadow til June 30th), its final lesson is one of the personal spiritual variety. When what we seek is Truth & Justice, we allow our souls to attune to protective forces that help us autocorrect, fold into origami, and transcend with temperance.

Aries:

It’s no surprise that an old tune holds the secret code from that earlier recording of the master tape your memory has been searching for in the old filing system. In these moments you realize just how deep and densely tracked the highways and byways of your mental system are. You’re the original wayfinder of your own uncharted territory of the mind. This state of curiosity opens you up to spiritual healing that aligns your personal ideals and values with the actions a person desires to embody. When your actions meet your words, you tend to feel the most at home in the grander machinations of Spaceship Earth.

I’m not sure if I’m feeling funky or groovy, jazzy or bluesy? Does it jive with you? Is it feeling all right? What songs have got you buzzed on this full moon night? I’m enjoying the humour of the human experience, and I find ways to incorporate positive sources of enjoyment into my daily routine. I recognize that I can be sensitive to the frequencies I consume mentally, and I’m manifesting sources of comedic gold into my awareness. I can be my own clown, and enjoy an inside-inside joke anytime my mind decides that laughter is the best medicine. I love to laugh, and allow myself this simple pleasure in life.

Taurus:

Saturn in Aquarius square Uranus in Taurus has been creating a nuanced ping-pong table in your mind. This influence has been upon your daily life for sometime, and shall continue on through the rest of the year, with another exact square in December 2021. Accept the exactness of this T-squared engineer level measurement on the corners of your ascension blueprints. It’s ok to look at the world from your own angles, and you may be happily surprised by the moments that unfold joyously when you use your sharpness to hone the hedges of your self doubt. There’s a special magic in this moon for you, as the meregoat lights a part of the puzzle we wanted to get done anyway. This refocused energy gives you the internal resources to wait to make your next move, even though the ones you’ve planned are quite clever already, when mercury rx clears you’ll have fine tuned your intel.

I give in to the epic bonestructure of my cosmic face in the universe. I know that on these edges are where the hedgerows grow. In these sanctuaries of my boundaries, I give spaces for things I truly want to cultivate to be engendered. I find which spaceships are allowed to dock at my intergalactic port of plenty, and make sure that my shields are up when psychic frequencies intend to disrupt my qi. When I breathe, I give space to the energy around myself, and I feel permission to let go. When I let go, I allow myself to accept instructions in the forms of feelings and intuitions. I do not allow the opinions or voices of others to upset my internal compass. I feel centered and grounded and know I will continue to make positive choices and believe in myself. I choose to honor myself, and that makes me feel good.

Gemini:

You’ve been carefully funneling resources into a variety of investments. Financial and interpersonal projects and alliances deepen, although it is not a time to throw caution to the wind. Caution and planning is what has allowed you to learn to trust the ebb and flow of the cosmic money winds, and you’re trying to siphon your own renewable sources, not steal from the Gods. When you place yourself in alignment with your internal resources, you can learn to embody compassion to provide yourself when feelings of self worth or insecurities prod you to feel guilty about the ways you regenerate. Let your conscience be your guide, and allow others to do the same. The path of self acceptance is most rich for you at this juncture, and it would be wise to use the Full moon to clear the psychic debris of your aura through ritual bathing, sound healing, and aromatics.

I can sometimes turn my mirrors askance to the equations I cannot seem to readily solve. But, in doing so I lose reflections that empower me. I accept that it's time to look at some of those patterns again and see if they even deserve a place on the chalkboard of my mind. When I make space to use my memory card to run programs that make me have feelings I actually enjoy, I look into my secret box of fantasies and realize I may have already realized many of those experiences. In these moments of clarity, I hold a space for myself to enjoy what I may not have allowed myself to in the past. In this way, I take back my energy and transform myself in the present.

Cancer:

In this moon you are finally able to feel that rebound-snap! Ka-bow! sh-zing! of Mars’ exit from your cozy airbnb. You’re reminded that you should be charging premiums for your ability to stay level-headed when the Gods and Goddesses war in the Heavens, and on Earth. You enjoy a good ritual bath, but to stay out of hot waters, this crab needs a cool-down. This Capricorn Moon is just what the doctor ordered, and something about the good medicine flowing through you can’t help but seep into certain streams where the mojo is most needed. This is an excellent time for you to pause in your personal space and take a moment to feel the beauty of your domain.

My soundtrack of life is a high luxury five star bathhouse of the Spirits. I’ve been Spirited Away to lands of emotional remembrance. The roots of my ancestors have spoken to me, and I have heard their instructions. I need not fear the judgments of others, because I am a sacred part of creation. I will not allow negative voices to infiltrate my consciousness, but instead, I will choose to believe that my work has been blessed by the Cosmic Super Computer and shall continue to have its content prioritized. In this space of trust, I allow myself to turn my consciousness to what I’ve relegated as “frivolous artistic pursuits”. I find the time and space to make something just because. When I experience this energy releasing through the act of creation, I realize why it mattered in the first place.

Leo:

The grass is pretty green in your patch. Both career aspirations and spiritual wealth appear to be presenting itself to you in all new fashions. You may literally be feeling called to new ways to express yourself externally, and this exploration of your presentation to the world helps you heal. You’ve been feeling called to healing in general, feeling like it may be a good time to start a new way of moving, or to add a healing ritual to your daily experience. If you happen to use stone medicine, Turquoise will be especially healing in nature during the transit of Mars through Leo, and can be just the cooling mechanism you need to keep your Roar without the bite.

Sometimes I’m just feeling high octane. When I find the right stomping grounds to release my charge I am able to do so safely through friendly communication strategies, good topics of conversation, interesting objects within my spacial periphery, and calming colors. It’s ok to turn the volume all the way up, but when the outside world adjusts its tone to match, I can switch to a different groove. I’m in awe of my co-creative power to engage my environment and use my influence therein to bring forth collective healing experiences.

Virgo:

Something about this moon in Capricorn feels familiar to you, and perhaps it's the quiet watch you’ve held & the prayers of your heart being answered. Your physical being is finding ways to heal through your insights to your movements in daily life. As your mind/body/spirit awareness grows, you find new ways of expressing yourself. This ability to shift and transform might seem like deja vu, but it's your memories finding their way to the surface. When our minds give us abstract feelings and visions, we can move mountainous emotions safely within our systems, without harming ourselves or others. Breathe deeply and find a place to scream loudly if you need that release.

I have crossed some barren deserts, but I have not died of thirst. I am blessed with the life I have co-created in the spiritual planes of my intelligent manifestations. My awareness of the barren corners of life have given me compassionate reflective capacity and a recognition of my gifts by those whose opinions matter to me. I am enjoying the small moments of joy and call them precious to me. I forgive myself for any moments where I’ve expected too much of myself while I was grieving a loss. My heart is tender, and my spirit gentle. I wish to live in harmony with myself and others.

Libra:

This Capricorn moon you are more annoyed than usual at laundry, other people’s messes, and scapegoating. Your sensitivity to physical objects is heightened under this Full Moon and it may feel overwhelming to be in the midst of the messes others leave for you to clean up. It’s more than frustrating when you acknowledge how your time/energy has been appropriated. Instead of letting loose the fire brigade when the bridge seems to be burning, walk away from the moments today that feel like a temptation. Make sure to find objects that reflect healthy energy back to you, and sit amidst a tiny oasis of your creation, and pay no attention to chaos of the Gods. You deserve a Full Battery, and the spirits are conspiring to recharge your battery banks this lunation.

I gather strength from my service to my community. When I have been unbalanced in the past, I allow my weight to ground in all directions through the sacred communions of my own secret tabernacles of the human experience. I make new covenants with myself and the way I speak and treat myself, so that I no longer need to suffer under the weight of the past. I don’t need to feel any guilt in laying down my load, and don’t need any permission to do so. When I feel safe, I will allow those who I trust to provide the respite necessary for me to heal my visions of my life and expand into an abundant awareness of how truly loved I am for being myself, and how needed my cosmic ray of intellect is to this world.

Scorpio:

Known for your secrets and depth, you’ve been hiding like the Cosmic Sphinx between the pillars of the temple gates. You’ve been allowed to watch the clashes of the Giants unscathed, and your insight will outlast this passing phase of planetary tensions. You’ve been sending alien text messages to Neptune’s work phone, and the intel has been legit. Your attraction to Art, Color, Shape, Form, Music, and Theatre are encouraging you to make insightful investments in your own dreams. This Full Moon beckons you to create with abandon and let the waves of inspiration quench your desire for pleasure.

I feel like the whole choir singing in one unison. I weave through the soundwaves, key changes, and rhythm switch-ups as I keep time with the sacred union of celestial sounds. I am aware that the tunes of the planet herself offer me a sacred respite from the cacophony of the cosmic movements. When I ground myself into the soothing waters of my spiritual essence I define for myself how my energy is used for the goodness of my own healing.

Sagittarius:

It feels like you’ve been getting along pretty well with the planetary forces, and everyone secretly enjoys the protection that your bow provides for the tribe. You may be feeling a bit cramped in the yellow submarine of the pandemic, dare we say you could have cabin fever? The Trines, Sextiles, and satellite signals of the skies indicate that you can find a special type of relief from the feelings of squished with mandalas, botanical drawings, and spirographs. When you take the time to let your mind journey in these ways, it lets your hunter’s mind relax for the next best chance. And no worries, you’ve got plenty of chances ahead, Sagittarius.

Life is good. I do my hair toss, check my nails - baby how you doing? Hey, life is good. He’s got his eye on the sparrow and I guess that’s me? I’m playing with the chemistry... cause that’s how I be? When I look into the mirror I see a babe, a real dude of the neighborhood - my sister, mothers, daddy, and the community. I guess when I see you, I see me. And when I’m in that light in me, and you are in that light in you. There is only one of us: namaste my bissssssch

Capricorn:

This Full Moon in Capricorn you endeavour to ask outloud: “What Giant’s Bones Have We Built Ourselves Upon?” Your Full Lunation is opposing the Sun in Cancer, shining a shadow on our collective exoskeleton. This Full Moon feels like an archeological discovery when proverbial bones rattle out of the closet to give us a hoodoo prayer’s chance for self liberation. You’ve been waiting for a moment like this, and it's OK if you’re not ready to take that leap of faith. But should you choose, the moon lights up an emotional healing around the concept of “home”. You really want to know if you’re believing the right thing from one moment to the next, but keeping your head out of the secret sauce is key to giving your subconscious the space it needs right now to send out signals to the future. Soon enough you’ll be receiving confirmations of cosmic flavors right into your spiritual inbox.

I called Stephen Hawking and he called me back. My voicemail said: “Hey friend. I know this is a hard time on planet earth. I think people are doing better than they believe they are. It’s hard to be a human. I remember the constraints of the body, and I understand when you want to just fly away somewhere. I believe in you. Capricorns get a bad rap sometimes. I can see your progress, and I hope you take the time to see it too. By the way, we always have the time to say how much we matter to each other. Thanks for being, and enjoy this life, you deserve it”.

Aquarius:

There have been a lot of light bulbs going off in your spiritual laboratory. This Full Moon when the light shifts, your awareness of the dimensionality of the objects and purpose of your life is heightened. You may be experiencing some grief and loss around feelings of closeness with others. Recently you’ve been asked to hold a deep stability for the collective’s growth. Your actions haven’t gone unnoticed, and you’ve been receiving opportunities for advancement in your career. However, you are feeling uncomfortable with commitment while under a deep pressure to perform. These archetypal struggles are up for healing on the altar of the Full Moon. Your magic fairy dust works the best when you sprinkle it on yourself. You are learning the ways of Illuminated Prosperity.

My voice is a symphony of grace within a cacophony of sound. I breathe in the knowledge that my very existence is a miracle of my own embracing. I find myself at home in my surroundings and know I belong. Whoever “They” are, I know I can be myself around “Them”. I trust that my instincts are perfected beyond doubt. I’ve taken all the tests and quizzes and my insights are showing precision on whichever experiments have survived my tests of time and spirit. When I tune into my highest self it's because I’m recognizing my ability to be in that place no matter what surrounds me. Even when my circumstances deny me, I do not deny myself. I believe that I am worthy of the life I am living, and anticipate my surroundings shifting to match the unique vibrational fingerprint that I offer planet Earth.

Pisces:

You’ve been holding down some major spiritual territory during the recent seasonal shifts. The light of the meregoat acts as a lighthouse beacon for the whales and whistleblowers of your waters. You’re not particularly interested in that island, and prefer to spend this Lunation in Capricorn Gardening, Cleaning Out the Car, Writing about your art, Feeding the fairies, Calling in positivity, Releasing the Past, Testing New Grounds, and let’s just say it: looking pretty guuuuuuud while doing it. So good. You might want to tune into some whale call noises, or turn on a beachy video. The seas are definitely calling your name, and your inner explorer could watch Moana a few times through the eyes of the grandmother, the eyes of Moana, and the eyes of Te Fiti.

I am a sound rising on the waves of creation. I turn my eyes to the heavens and I’m in the medicine nation. I forgive myself for all my wavering, I know my power lies in my cravings. I can wish upon the starry skies, and watch the birds where e’er they fly. I’m curious to know the names of all the fairies, and their games. I want to know what games I’ll win when I’m laughing with a cheshire grin. I know what gods have sent me here, I know which path I’m meant to clear. And when the waters run to quickly, or the bushes get too prickly - I can lay my spirit down. My minds’a palace, my head a crown. You could call me king or queen, but my magics’still unseen. I’m so much bigger than my titles, or whichever ones I didn’t get. I’ve given all at my recitals, and I’m my own best bet.

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grailfinders · 3 years

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Fate and Phantasms #101: Rama

Today on Fate and Phantasms, we’re making the number 1 member of the Arcade hatedom, Rama! If you’ve seen my previous Indian heroes you know this build is also going to get a bit funky, but by the end of it you’ll have a cool sword you can throw around, the ability to fight off demons, and a monkey army.

Check out Rama’s build breakdown below the cut, or his character sheet over here!

Next up: One Strike Man

Race and Background

We know we had a thing going with Arjuna and Karna being Genasi, but Vishnu’s more of a general god than a themed one, so we have to be basic and go Aasimar on this one. Specifically Scourge Aasimar, because you’re not edgy and can’t fly. We’re also using the new Tasha’s rules about races to swap some bonuses around, so you’re going to get +1 Constitution and +2 Intelligence instead of charisma. You also get some Darkvision, Celestial Resistance to necrotic and radiant damage, the Light cantrip, and Healing Hands to heal a creature as an action once per long rest. Trust me, you’ll need it for the early levels.

Like a lot of servants, you’re a Noble, gaining History and Persuasion proficiencies.

Ability Scores

This build pretty much uses every score, so we had to make some tough cuts. Make your Strength the highest score, you’re a saber, you should be good at sabing. Second is Wisdom, you were born wise, which is a pretty amazing feat. I’m not sure how the figured that out before you could talk, but it’s still cool. Third is your Charisma, your star-crossed love transcends the bonds of the universe and has literally saved your life on occasion. Your Dexterity isn’t as high as I’d like it-we need it for multiclassing, but we’ll get it bumped up in time. Also, I’m willing to be generous here and say you’re wearing medium armor, that’s kind of a breastplate. Your Intelligence is also lower than I’d like, but that’s also getting a boost from your racial bonuses, so I guess it’s fine. Unfortunately, that means we’re dumping Constitution. It’s not fun, but it’s also the only score we aren’t actively using. Don’t worry, we’ll get it up into at least neutral territory as soon as possible.

Class Levels

1. Fighter 1: Fighters are pretty cool, and starting out as one gives you proficiency in Strength and Constitution saves, as well as the Animal Handling and Perception skills. A monkey may be your mortal enemy, but you also command an army of them.

You get a fighting style, and Dueling will make your one handed attacks a bit stronger so you can keep a hand open for spells. You also get a Second Wind for another way to heal yourself as a bonus action.

2. Fighter 2: Second level fighters get an Action Surge, tacking an extra action onto one of your turns once per short rest. This level is pretty light, so I’ll also take a second to say that we’re using a Trident as your weapon in this build, for reasons that will become apparent in a couple levels. It’s unorthodox, but you’re used to making swords out of other weapons, so it shouldn’t be that big a deal.

3. Fighter 3: I’m not going to beat around the bush here, you’re an Eldritch Knight. That means you’re learning some Spells, most of which will be abjuration or evocation and all of which will use your Intelligence to cast. You also gain a Weapon Bond, preventing you from being disarmed while conscious, and you can summon your weapon as a bonus action from anywhere in the plane. You also get your Radiant Consumption, which deals radiant damage to all creatures in a radius around you, including you. You can also add radiant damage to one attack per turn. The transformation lasts up to a minute, and you can use it once per long rest.

But you’re probably interested in those spells, right? Message is just useful, Sword Burst and Shield will protect you until we can get that constitution mess sorted, Find Familiar will help you get your first monkey friend, and Burning Hands is also there.

4. Fighter 4: Use your first Ability Score Improvement to round up your Constitution and bring your Dexterity into multiclassing range. Also, now that we’ve got a way to get your weapon back, we’ll switch out our old fighting style for Thrown Weapon Fighting as a part of your Martial Versatility. This allows you to draw a throwing weapon as part of an attack, and you deal more damage when throwing them. Who needs artificers and their returning weapons when you’ve got this?

You also learn the Snare spell to get some less magical monkey friends.

5. Fighter 5: Your Extra Attack lets you make two attacks per action. We’ll be seeing this feature a lot, but it doesn’t stack from multiple classes.

6. Paladin 1: You’re kind of literally a god, so this is something of an inevitability. You get a Divine Sense to help you track down Ravana, and can Lay on Hands for yet another way to heal yourself or other party members.

7. Paladin 2: Paladins also get a fighting style, so grab Dueling again, for the same reasons we got it in the first place. You can also cast and prepare another set of Spells, using your Charisma to cast. If you’re sick of casting spells though, you can also use your spell slots for Divine Smites, adding extra radiant damage to a melee attack, and even more to fiends and the undead.

Some first level spells to look out for are Command for some of the same reason as Arjuna and Karna- if someone of sufficient power says something’s going to happen, it’s going to happen. You can also use Heroism to help your party even more and Divine Favor to give you a bit of a smite even on thrown attacks.

8. Paladin 3: Your defining trait is your endless search for your wife, so the Devotion oath is a pretty solid pick. You get some Oath Spells about beating up demons that are always prepared for you, as well as two ways to Channel Divinity. Sacred Weapon adds your charisma modifier to attack rolls with a weapon, and turns the weapon magical for the duration. This also ends if you stop holding the weapon, so again, it doesn’t fit with throwing it around. You can also Turn the Unholy, forcing Fiends and Undead that fail a wisdom saving throw to run away until it takes damage.

We’re already eight levels in, but we have like one monkey! That’s not an army! That’s unacceptable, someone should do something about that.

9. Ranger 1: If we want animal sidekicks, Ranger’s the best option. At first level you get a skill proficiency, so grab Stealth so you can sneak up on your arch-monkey-enemies. You also have a Favored Foe, marking a creature upon attacking it for up to a minute with concentration. Then, once per turn you deal an extra 1d4 damage to that enemy. You can mark enemies this way a number of times per long rest equal to your proficiency bonus. You’re also a Deft Explorer, doubling your proficiency in Animal Handling. You can literally talk to the little bastards, that’ll give you quite the edge.

10. Ranger 2: Being a second level ranger nets you a third fighting style; the Archery style gives your ranged attacks (including thrown weapons) a +2 to hit. You also get a third Spell list, which uses Wisdom to cast. Grab Longstrider and Zephyr Strike for ways to stay mobile and still deal damage.

11. Ranger 3: Be honest, you thought we were going beastmaster, didn’t you? Like we said earlier, one monkey does not an army make, and Swarmkeeper fairs much better with multiclassing anyway. You have a Primal Awareness letting you Speak with Animals either as a normal spell or once per long rest you can cast it for free. Swarmkeepers also get Swarmkeeper Magic, which is just an extended spell list. We’ll get into those with the regular spell you’re learning this level. Last but not least is the feature swarmkeepers are named for, the Gathered Swarm. You now have countless pygmy marmosets swarming over your body at all times. That’s a class feature, I am so sorry. It’s not all bad news though, because after hitting a creature with any attack, your swarm can deal extra damage, push the target 15′ in any direction if they fail a strength save, or move you 5′ in any direction. Save yourself a bonus action by throwing a weapon at an enemy, closing the gap with your swarm, then getting it back the old fashioned way!

You get Mage Hand as part of being a swarmkeeper, and it’s flavored as Literally Just a Monkey. You also learn Faerie Fire this way, and your normal spell this level is Animal Friendship. If they’re going to be crawling all over you, it’s best to stay on their good side.

12. Paladin 4: Now that we finally have your base kit set up, we can revisit some of your classes. Use this ASI to round up your Strength for stronger hits, and Charisma for more and better paladin spells. This is also a secret tool that will help us out in a little bit.

13. Paladin 5: The extra attack you get this level is a lie; it doesn’t stack with your fighter extra attack. The good news is you get second level spells this level as well, so it’s not a complete waste. You get Lesser Restoration and Zone of Truth as oath spells.

14. Paladin 6: Our last stop in the paladin class gives you an Aura of Protection, increasing all your saving throws (as well as any ally within 10 feet of you) by your charisma modifier.

15. Ranger 4: Since we don’t have to worry about your concentration saves anymore, we can just go for more health. Use this ASI to get the Tough feat, for an extra 2 HP per level.

16. Ranger 5: Once again, you get another useless extra attack, and once again you also get second level spells. You can Summon Beast to make a monkey that will be pretty scary when you get a fourth level spell slot at 17th level. You can also make Webs, or use Beast Sense once a day for free. Don’t ask what the webs are made out of.

17. Ranger 6: Your Favored Foe damage ramps up to 1d6, and you’re now Roving, meaning your movement speed increases, and you gain a climbing and swimming speed. Monkeys are pretty agile, you need to be able to keep up with them.

18. Fighter 6: We’re ending this build where we began, with the fighter class. Use this ASI for even more Charisma for better saves, more spells, and a more winning smile.

19. Fighter 7: Seventh level eldritch knights know War Magic, meaning that if you use a cantrip as your main action, you can still attack as a bonus action. I’m not sure why you’d message someone in the middle of battle, but here you go.

You also get second level spells, for the third time. Any evocation or abjuration spell is good here, but I chose Gust of Wind because it’s hard to throw weapons around if enemies are getting close to you.

20. Your capstone feature is another ASI, so grab the Piercer feat to round up your Dexterity and make your sword just a little more deadly. Once per turn, you can reroll a piercing damage die, and your critical hits deal a little more piercing damage.

Pros:

Despite your patchwork class levels, one thing that really shines through is your support abilities. Your Aura of Protection offers a solid +3 to all saves within 10′ of you, and you have multiple ways to heal other party members in a pinch.

You can also deal pretty dependable damage, thanks to your multitude of fighting styles mixing together to overcome your low ability scores. Despite having a strength of 16, you can aim your throws like you have a 20, and deal damage like you have a 24. You also have plenty of ways to incrementally add damage to each attack. Adding Favored Foe, smites, and your swarm damage to your attack racks up damage quickly.

You’ve got solid movement options, both for yourself and enemies. Being able to shove enemies around and into hazards with your swarm is a huge game changer.

Cons:

Eldritch Knights use their bonus action to resummon their weapon. Rangers use it to apply Favored Foe. Paladins use it for smites. Basically what I’m saying is your bonus action is super crowded, and it’s nearly impossible for you to go a round in combat without either holding back or making a tough decision about what to use it on.

If you couldn’t tell from the introduction, you depend on a ton of ability scores, to the point that constitution was the safest thing to dump early on. Even now, most of your spells aren’t particularly strong.

A lot of this build was about making a throwing weapon powerful, and thrown weapons don’t gel with paladins at all. It breaks your Channel Divinity and can’t be used with smites, limiting your power.

#D&D 5e #Fate Grand Order #FGO #Rama #Fate and Phantasms

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redteabaron · 4 years

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bran stark - shield that guards the realms of men (king of the gods, bringer of summer)

I ended up posting some things separately without editing them because, well, I’m bad at planning things and didn’t think I’d actually sit down and type all this out or work out in a somewhat coherent manner. These are just theories that I’ve had regarding the books and where they may end up and I’ve just jotted them down. I see, as the fandom sees, a lot of inspiration in asoiaf in Norse and Greek mythology, so it’s kind of fun to hold it up to the light and pick out what picture is on the other side.

In a previous meta, I said I believe that Bran’s ending will be with him as a king, but I don’t believe it will necessarily be to the same throne we saw in the show.

I think one way to interpret Bran’s journey might be one of an ascension to godhood - he’s going to be the deciding factor in this eternal conflict between R’hllor and the Great Other. Yet while I think magic is definitely going to be balanced, I don’t think it’s going to go away or die - but fire dragons and the Others are definitely what are causing this cosmic unbalance so they can’t just stay. I don’t believe we’re seeing magic itself being the cause, but manmade magic created for the purpose of destruction (and whatever the Children of the Forest did to create the Others since I doubt the showrunners of GOT were able to come up with that on their own) is what this imbalance is really about (coming full circle to grrm comparing the dragons to nukes and writing a series that shows us that war is hell and there are no good wars).

The Great Other (probably the original Child of the Forest who came up with the Others, maybe still rules over them) and R’hllor are likely similar; a mortal, or someone who once walked the earth and became a god - maybe the Great Other/the COTF who became the Great Other is a god for the Others/their progenitor. Perhaps R’hllor is the polar opposite - maybe the original creator of fire breathing dragons. Yet if both are ended, done away with - is that balance? Is eliminating fire (R’hllor) and ice (The Great Other) completely balanced? I’m personally not so sure; balance doesn’t just mean doing away with something imbalanced wholesale. It means compromise. (Bringing an end to the Others and fire dragons, their “nukes” sounds like it could be a way to find that balance though)

Anyway. They represent antithetical beings apparently warring over the world. R’hllor is presented as the god of light, fire, and life - all things associated with passion. The Great Other is ice, death, dispassion. Either way the gods present a great imbalance if one ‘rules’ over the realms of men. Bran, imo, could be being set up as the one who not only ushers in spring, or brings balance to the world, but must continue to do so in a way that doesn’t necessarily allow him to intervene in mortal affairs. (It could also account for the way Bran ended in the show, being a king yet removed from the process; I’ll explain down lower)

Bran is going to be a king - king of the gods, maybe, but certainly the king of summer, and the protector of the realm (of mankind).

Parallels to Baldr: that rambling mess of a meta I mentioned previously takes this apart more, but the gist is: Baldr is a beloved god of the court, representing spring and renewal. His death brings about the cataclysmic downfall of the gods and the war (Bran’s ‘death’, similarly topples Westeros, is a beloved child, indirectly ushers in the beginning of the end of the current status quo). Yet he returns and brings with him life, renewal, change.

To: Apollo

Apollo is the Greek god of light, truth and prophecy, healing, and knowledge. He, like Baldr, is seen as a beautiful god and the opposite of evil; actually seen as a protector from shadow and evil things. He is mostly recognized as an oracle god.

Bran has some pretty obvious traits in common with Apollo. He’s going to be the one to figure out the truth behind the Others, the Great Other, R’hllor, Azor Ahai, the Wall, Bloodraven, etc - all these mystical, magical pieces of the world. If he is the Keeper of History, then this is likely part of his journey to (godhood) being a king. He has to be the one to remember on behalf of mankind because the Great Other and R’hllor do not care about balance; Bran will have to be the one who does. His character arc is about healing (of himself, realizing he is whole no matter what had happened to him and coming to terms with himself which will in turn set him free) and finding out the truth of magic, gods, and balance, history of mankind.

Where Bloodraven, I believe, is playing the part of Loki masquerading in the disguise of an Odin-like figure (or at the very least sharing some of Odin’s traits and past), Bran is being developed not just as Baldr, a beloved god who represents renewal and resurrection, or Apollo, the god of prophecy and knowledge as well as the protector of mortals, but also of Heimdallr.

Heimdallr is, as with Baldr and Apollo, a well liked god. He’s the Norse god of clairvoyance, having keen eyesight and hearing, and is considered a guardian of the realms and is associated with boundaries. He’s the owner of Gjallarhorn, a magical horn, which can be heard all across the Nine Realms. When Heimdallr blows this horn in warning, Ragnarok begins. In asoiaf, there’s a horn once owned by a King-Beyond-The-Wall, Horn of Joramun, that the free folk believe has the ability to bring down the Wall.

“The Horn of Joramun? No. Call it the Horn of Darkness. If the Wall falls, night falls as well, the long night that never ends. It must not happen, will not happen!” - Melisandre, Jon III ADWD

But with Jon Snow being built up as the one who sounds the alarm about the Others/the Long Night to everyone south, it could be that Jon Snow will act, in a way, as Bran’s Gjallarhorn. It would also tie into the twist that Jon’s battleground won’t be found in the north, but in the south (and so may his endgame) - he won’t technically be the shield that guards the realm of men (Bran will be); but he will act as the horn that wakes the sleepers (re: he will indirectly be Bran’s mouthpiece in spreading the warning about winter and the Long Night in the south).

Bran’s journey has always included boundaries - not the boundaries that Sansa, Arya, and Jon must navigate; his transcends that. He’s not stripped of his humanity, but I think he will be stripped of his mortality (in a sense). His boundaries are tied directly into the otherworldly, whereas all the Starks may have a magical ability they are tied directly to their direwolves. Bran’s abilities aren’t; they include Summer, but he himself is in another category from the other Starks.

While Bran’s journey to becoming king (of the gods and protector of mankind, and the bringer of summer) makes him tied to Baldr, I think he does have an enormous part to play in what’s to come - it just won’t be regulated to mortal affairs. Bran’s powers of prophecy, greenseeing, and eventual knowledge under the tutelage of BR are slowly building him as a mythical figure, the origin of how a god may come to be, even if they aren’t literally a god. There’s a possibility he isn’t going to be given a mortal crown, because in the scope of what he is capable of, surpassing even BR, that seems like an anticlimactic ending that throws away all of what he can do. He might literally be the king, protector of the realm (of all of mankind, king of the gods).

The show’s ending showing him as the king of the 6 kingdoms, in an elective monarchy (which is just such an awful idea) with that godawful small council should’ve at least shown him as a well-loved king, or an anticipated one, but he’s shown to be dispassionate about mortal affairs. It could be, that with these really general brushstrokes and bullet points given by grrm to the show, that Bran is indeed meant to be king (but because the showrunners thought Bran was boring and hated magic were only left with one choice to make him king of) but not the one who presides over mortals directly. Kingship has to be more than just about who has a good story, who is charismatic, who won a throne, etc (we are shown that time and time again) it has to include not desiring power for power’s sake, compromise, realizing the value of the lives you may preside over, etc. Bran is the only one who could/would be able to navigate a compromise between the “warring” factions of the Great Other and R’hllor, of magic’s place in the world, and the COTF. Maybe his show ending is less literal and more in spirit; he is the king (of the gods), he is the deciding factor of fire and ice (he must compromise and preside over the Great Other, R’hllor), he doesn’t (cannot) care about the 6/5 kingdoms (because he can’t intervene in mortal affairs as the Great Other and R’hllor have/will try to and he has to protect mankind from those that have become more/transcended).

Most importantly, he won’t be Bran the Broken are you fucking kidding me

Bran wanted to be a knight, a protector like in his songs and stories, but gave up on it because of his disability. He will be a protector and he will have songs and stories (maybe as the king of the gods, bringer of Summer, protector of mankind).

#bran stark #bran as king of the gods #bran the protector of the realm #asoiaf spec #bran meta

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deadmomjokes · 4 years

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For me, part of being asexual means that I get really, REALLY grouchy about a lot of romance in media. Rather, the obsession with romance, sex, and sexuality in media. I am that person that will roll my eyes and turn off a movie if it looks like it’s turning into some steamy nonsense, and I will never willingly sit through a romcom even if you paid me. Sex scenes? I’m out. Passionate kissing? Peace, I’m going to the kitchen, want anything? Call me back when the actual story gets back on. Ridiculous ‘ooh they have such SEXUAL TENSION and chemistry, let’s see how close we can get to making them kiss and just have them breathe heavily in each others faces to get our audience all bothered’? I will end you all. I HATE when books or movies or shows throw in a romantic or sexy subplot just for the lols, at least what I perceive as the lols. Basically, a romance has to be really super duper well-crafted for me to get behind it and not be just utterly enraged or completely turned off from the story.

(Also please note that when I use the term romance in this context, I’m using it as a catch all for ship-based storylines that, due to our culture’s obsession with sex, usually include or hinge on sex or kissy scenes.)

That being said. When a romance is done well, and I mean really well, I absolutely 100% lose my mind. I feel that mess in my soul.

So with that introduction, allow me to lay out a few of my favorite (and, in some instances, most maddeningly painful) romances/canon ships in media.

(read more because I went off. like I said, I feel this way too deeply when it’s done well.)

Winry Rockbell and Edward Elric in FMA:B. Slow burn, mutual pining, mutual cluelessness, what’s not to love? So soft and tender and funny all at the same time, and the mad respect Ed has for Winry is absolutely delightful. She does her own thing, and he’s totally supportive, just as she is of him. And a happily ever after??? UGH, I can’t, it’s perfect. The most straightforward and least convoluted of my whole list, and it’s comparatively easy to breeze through. FMA:B is great anyhow, so do yourself a favor and go watch it.

Audrey Parker/ Nathan Wuornos in Haven (with major caveats). Caveats first: they went overboard with the sexy stuff in my opinion. It got too smutty for me, but my tolerance for that stuff is super low, and it did still air on TV, so evidently it wasn’t as bad for the target audience as it was for my sex-in-media-repulsed self. I also find the final seasons to get a bit stale and repetitive in terms of them trying to advance the love story narrative (all the plot points for it got addressed in earlier episodes/seasons, so why are we going over it again??). They also have a bit of an issue in some episodes with dragging out conflicts because the characters just won’t talk to each other like adults. But overall, taken as a whole, it hits hard. Again, we have a slow burn, mutual pining dynamic that starts as a genuine platonic friendship, and transforms into a dimension and time defying chosen soulmates love story for the ages. The things they would do to save each other, even if it means they can never be together, just so they have the joy of knowing that their beloved is okay. The tiny ways they take care of each other- Audrey testing Nathan’s coffee to see if it’s too hot, Nathan slowing down so he doesn’t out-pace her, it’s just adorable.

Faramir and Eowyn in The Lord of the Rings BOOKS. This is an interesting one because it happens really quickly and between two minor characters. But Tolkien did this really interesting thing where he established these two characters separately, and then brought them together and played off what we knew about each of them in context of everything else that had happened with the main story, and suddenly it has, as one of my professors would say, “the illusion of depth.” Faramir absolutely falls head over heels for Eowyn but won’t act until she can deal with her own crap and be emotionally available. Eowyn realizes that she was hung up on ideals, illusions, and false dichotomies. Faramir has been through a lot and is looking for peace. Eowyn is looking for who she really is when she realizes she has more than two choices in life. They find healing together, and in the process, find what they were looking for in each other. And all that happens in the space of, like, 4 pages. I LOVE IT.

Sam Carter and Jack O’Neill in Stargate SG1. This one will hurt you to no end. You will hate life. But gosh dang if they aren’t perfect. This is the slowest burn and most mutual pining of all slow burn mutual pining ships to ever grace media. I’m talking 8 seasons of these two sharing feelings but being unable to express it for one reason or another. What are those reasons, you ask? Jack is her superior and respects her too much to put her in that position. No fraternization on the team. Sam has career aspirations, he won’t ruin her life. He’s got his own issues to work through and knows he isn’t emotionally available. Sam is clueless for a while, then when she realizes she has feelings for him but it couldn’t be because of their work dynamic and because he’s still dealing with his own crap, she tries to move on but keeps coming back to the unspoken fact that she still loves him. To the point that she breaks off her own engagement to a great guy because she realizes she was only trying to move on-- and wasn’t successful. They are clearly in deep for each other, and yet they keep making excuses why they can’t say it.

In the whole series, they never officially get together, and I HATE THAT. There are multiple alternate realities and timelines where they are together, and happy, but in the main timeline, they can’t get over themselves, and it hurts so bad because they’re so perfect. Jack knows she’s the smartest person in the room, and he supports her and defends her and listens to and defers to her. He respects her first as an expert, then as a colleague, and then as a woman whom he deeply loves even though he can’t find it in him to love himself. She appreciates his experience and leadership, and trusts him implicitly. She knows she’s got more book smarts, but relies on his judgement and ability to remain calm under pressure. She also knows she can be real with him, and he knows that when she calls him on his BS he better listen. She is his conscience, and he is her backbone. And in between episodes where they’re clearly pining for each other, and even during, they’re really great friends and a great team. I could seriously write an essay on why this ship is both perfect and intensely frustrating, but then again, you could just watch a great and classic series and see what I mean for yourself. (Then you’d also get to meet the perfection that is Teal’c, and watch Daniel Jackson’s transition from Milo Thatch in Space to sassy beefcake demigod who still loves archaeology.)

Beren and Luthien, Tolkien part 2, electric boogaloo. A love so powerful it transcends death, fate, hell and heaven all at once. It’s kind of wild and not what you’d expect if you’ve only read LotR (or only seen the movies), because it’s more a classic fairy tale than anything, but hot dang if it isn’t still one of the most powerful, moving, deeply impactful love stories in all of writing. It’s even a “love at first sight” narrative and I STILL fall hard for it. This story legit moves me to tears every dang time I read it, or even think about it too hard.

It starts as a simple “forbidden love” story, but these two loved each other so much that they defied one of the most powerful kings in all the world at that time (who was also Luthien’s dad, oopsies), defied Satan himself and marched into Hell just for the chance to be together, and then changed the very way the world works forever just so they could stay together and not be parted. Luthien is a total BEAST, while never giving up her gentle, loving, and tender nature. For the love of this man, she defies her father’s wishes and breaks herself out of her own dang tower to go rescue her prince instead of the other way round, she sends Sauron (yeah, he’s here too!) scurrying with his tail between his legs, wrecks his house, and frees all his slaves and prisoners just to try and get to Beren, drags his butt out of heck part 1, then willingly walks into literal, actual Hell with him and proceeds to enchant Satan and all the demons within. Then she gets her bf outta there after he loses his hand, and goes back to face her father unafraid. Basically, Beren undertakes a literally impossible task just for the chance to be with Luthien, but Luthien is the one that makes it happen because she loves him too much to sit around knowing he’s going to die. She’s willing to die with him rather than live without him, but more willing to dare death to come at her and get some because ain’t no way she’s losing him.

Then, at the last, when all should have been their happily ever after, everything goes wrong and she loses her beloved, and instead of mourning forever, she yeets off her mortal coil out of pure “Oh no you didn’t, not after all we went through” just to go stand before the God of Fate and the Dead and plead with him to change the rules of the universe itself just so that she can be with Beren. And he does it, because their love is so strong. Just for them, all of existence is rewritten so that they might never be parted.

And if you don’t think that’s the most beautiful thing you’ve ever heard, consider also: these two crazy kids were so wonderful that the Goodest Boy in all the world, a functionally immortal and super-intelligent dog sent from heaven itself by a literal god, willingly turned on all his masters and spontaneously learned intelligent speech just so he could help them out and be their Good Boy til the bitter end, thus (in Tolkien’s mythos) starting the whole “man’s best friend” thing with dogs. So yeah. And, uh, Tolkien based it on him and his wife, to the point of ripping their first meeting frame-for-frame from real life. It’s too much y’all.

Anyhow, this post is way, way too long, but I was just feeling the need to get that out there. Maybe I’ll have more in the future, but for now, this is what was on my mind. Particularly the last two.

#long post #romance #asexual #stargate sg1 #haven #fmab #tolkien #lotr

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mattzerella-sticks · 4 years

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A Healing Touch/New Experiences

15x17 coda, Post-Finale, Dean/Cas, Adam, Serafina, Sam, Jack, 2/2 chapters, 4.7k

Chapter 1: A Healing Touch (ao3 link)

Maybe if Cas hadn't abandoned him, he wouldn't have agreed to Adam's offer. But with free will finally theirs, Cas made his choice, and Dean his. Now he has to live with the consequences - even if they are awkward. He won't die from it, certainly.

It's only a massage.

But what Dean doesn't know, is that it's more than a massage. It's healing.

Dean’s grip tensed on the towel, pulling its fabric closer against his waist. Terrycloth rubbing his crotch like sandpaper, making him even more aware of his current state of undress than he already was.

Damn Adam, for talking him into this. The placid cadence of the First Man wreaked havoc with Dean’s judgement. Lulled him into a false sense of security. Now that his armor’s been cast off, Dean realizes how terrible an idea this really is. Briefly, Dean considers turning tail and jumping back into his outfit. Pretend this never happened. Play dumb. But then Adam emerges, parting the beaded curtains and motioning him towards a table set up in the middle of the room. Dean trudges along, window of opportunity slammed on his fingers.

“Relax Dean,” Adam croons, lighting one of the many candles that surrounds the room. Interspersed with crystals, totems, and an incense stick that suspiciously smells like a VW van at a concert. “This is going to be a transcendent experience.”

“If you say so…” He sits, kicking his feet. Hunched over, spine protesting from the angle. Ignores twinging pain with practiced ease.

Doesn’t matter how well he masks it in the other man’s presence; Adam arches a brow at Dean and orders him to lay down. “You’ll feel better that way.”

He stills, clutching at the towel with both hands. Frozen with an unnamed emotion Dean swears isn’t fear. Staring with wide eyes at Adam while the other man waits. Finally, he breaks the silence, “Can’t you just… do my shoulders?”

“I will,” Adam promises, drifting closer, “Along with your sides… your back… anywhere I believe you might need.” He brushes featherlight fingers across his chin, a scant distance from actually touching it. Lips stretched in a lazy smile. “If it’ll make you more comfortable, though, I’ll look away while you get settled.”

Dean clears his throat, gaze darting away. “You will?”

“While I don’t agree with your shame,” he says, pulling back, “I understand it. How it works. So, when you’re ready to start, let me know.” Adam spins on his heel, grabbing for tinctures and potions on a nearby counter. Mixes them. Feigns busyness while Dean readies himself.

He slides off the table, glancing from Adam to the exit. Wonders if he can sprint fast enough, snatch his clothes, and jump into his Baby. Put Santa Fe in his rearview, even if it meant leaving Cas. Finding a new path home would serve him right, abandoning Dean immediately for Serafina. Former and current angel leaving for lunch, catching up after millennia apart. Dean stuck with Adam. Biding time, making awkward small talk; listening as he rambled on about differing memories patchworked together while he played hopscotch through his timeline. So bored and confused he didn’t realize what Adam offered until he locked the bathroom door behind Dean, instructions rattling around in his head. Towel in his arms instead of around his waist.

“Dean,” Adam chimes in, laughing, “I’m almost done.”

Thinking, not acting, wasted too much time. No other options left Dean unfastened his towel. Held it while he climbed onto the table, carefully lying down. Adjusting his junk so his weight wouldn’t crush it. Then, face pressed into the appropriate hole, Dean fixed the towel. End hanging off the edges, censored his freckled ass from view. “Okay,” he says, croaking the next few words out. “I’m all set.”

“Perfect.”

Dean nearly asks when Adam will start. As soon as the question forms in his throat, he swallows it. Adam’s wet, warm touch sliding over his back. Spreads a slick substance that makes his skin goosepimple when the air meets it. Elicits a sudden, breathy response from Dean. “Sorry,” Adam apologizes, continuing his ministrations, “probably should’ve warned you?”

“Would’ve been nice…”

“Well, we can’t go back, now can we?” He kneads Dean’s shoulders, loosening a tight muscle with his thumb. “Let me do all the work…” Adam speaks aloud, calling on a nearby smart device. Tells it to play a certain playlist, whining strums pouring from his speakers. Dean rolls his eyes. The added hippie music only pours salt in the wound. “You’ve got a lot of knots, Dean.”

“I’m not surprised,” Dean says, “the stuff I do? My body’s been through the wringer.”

“You should take better care of your body, Dean. We only get the one.”

“Yeah, we do…” Dean sighs, shifting. Too aware of Adam’s touch. Counting the differences between his expectations and the reality. They’re softer than what he expected a man’s hands should feel like. And gentler. These motions were more tender than Dean was used to, especially from a stranger. Part of him wants this over with, while a stronger, quieter part begs for more. He shifts, squirming. “Hey, what’s this you’re rubbing me with?”

“Oh, the oil?” Adam laughs, pinching his sides, “I had it specially delivered from some small town I last visited years ago, in Morocco. When it was all the rage, kids fleeing for the East in search of enlightenment. This herbalist was teaching in the streets…”

Dean tunes Adam out like he did the music, drowning his voice in the waves of his mind. Lets it sink deep below while Dean splashes around shallower waters. Like how this trip was planned.

After Chuck, after the Empty – after their last cosmic showdown, the Winchesters faced a new challenge. An ordinary day. It’s been years since Dean could wake without worrying he forgot something. Walk and not look over his shoulder, at where he imagined someone with vengeance in their eyes and death in his future. Greet his family and not doubt that he will see them later.

It’s everything Dean wanted. Except he couldn’t handle it.

Sitting at the breakfast table, his family discussing pointless, trivial affairs, Dean broke. Maybe because of Sam’s bright smile while talking about a road trip he planned with Eileen, or Jack’s list of shows he wanted to watch. Maybe it was when he caught Cas’s gaze, his foot nudging at Dean’s, with a well of emotions Dean hadn’t deserved. Similar to that horrid night, although less sadness darkening his expression. Less blood staining his hands. Dean flashed between those two images and stood, hitting his knee on the table. Left with a meager and suspicious excuse.

Somehow, an endless cycle of near-death experiences made things simpler. Being trapped in a never-ending story meant exactly that. They would live forever. Exist in the unknown, remain unchanged.

Now that freedom is truly his, what will he do? How will he end? Will he become someone he doesn’t like? Will people he thought would stay forever slip out of his grasp? Does he go first and leave so many people behind?

He couldn’t sleep those next few nights. Cas caught on after his third bout with insomnia, bags heavy under his eyes. Looked across the canyon from his side of the bed, arms curled tight around himself. Chained there. “What’s wrong, Dean?” His fingers twitched in aborted need. Another easy piece that proved more difficult to fit into place. “Isn’t this what you wanted?”

Dean stared at Cas. Saw the streaks of grey that tickled his hairline, and little crusts around his eyes from sleep. Reminders of how fast things can change, and what little they have left in the tank. If Cas were an angel, he thought, they’d have more time. Can stay alive through his grace, healing even the littlest signs of age. Like Serafina did with Adam.

It slipped out like a leak, and then poured free. Inch given; mile taken. Frantically repeating how he met the First Man who loved an angel, and they lived normal lives in Santa Fe, and they seemed weird but in love, and –

“Okay,” Cas said, “we’ll go visit them.”

“Dean,” Adam whispers. Dean creaks an eye open from below the surface. “Where were you just now?”

His heart lurches. “Can’t really go anywhere, now can I?”

“Only in the physical sense,” he tells Dean, “your body can be here, but you can also be a million miles away.” Adam kneads harder on his back, forcing a grunt through Dean’s clenched teeth as he poked a sore muscle. “What’s more important that you’ve allowed your mind to wander far from the present?” He stops massaging, bending. Meets Dean’s squinted gaze. “Would you rather not be here?”

“What did I ever do to give that impression?”

Adam doesn’t flinch from Dean’s bite, smirking at him. Followed by an airy laugh that sounds nicer than it should. “Y’know, my hands can only do so much,” he continues, standing. Clawing at Dean with blunt nails, repetitively raking patterns like he were a rock garden. “Massages are a give and take. I can only leech away what you’re willing to part with. And there’s a mountain of stress buried here you’re still holding onto.”

“Don’t know what you’re talking about,” Dean growls. Closing his eyes hard enough white, hot stars burst from behind his lids. “Maybe you’re a shitty masseuse?”

“Nah, I’ve been doing this since Alexander the Great was in toga diapers. Can’t be that.”

“Just because you’re old doesn’t mean you’re any good.”

“That’s true.” Adam pinches Dean’s lower back, at the dip right where his ass curves from beneath the towel. Electricity jolts along his nerves, up his spine, and makes Dean bite his lip. “Then let’s say my intuition is sounding the alarm you’re blocked.”

Dean snorts, “Then give me some Pepto and we’ll call it a day.” Another pinch. This time his knee jerks, foot jumping into the air. “Can you quit it?”

“When you start taking this seriously.”

“Sorry,” he says, each syllable drenched in sarcasm. “I didn’t think your types took anything seriously.”

Adam places his hand on Dean’s neck. Touch shocks him enough he lifts his head, finding the other’s stern expression. “If not for me,” he says, “then Castiel.”

He still feels Adam on his neck, and the second hand hangs at his side, shiny. Yet there must be a third. Because how else can Dean explain the pain in his side as anything other than a stab wound. Knife stuck there, cruelly twisted, cutting his insides further. Dean subtly nods, going slack. Adam guides his head back to its resting spot. Resumes petting him with much more severity. Each stroke like a match scraping against a striking surface, sparking but never lighting.

“Do you feel my hands, Dean?”

“Am I supposed to feel anything else?” Dean grouses, “Because if this is you coming onto me…”

Adam squeezes Dean’s ass over the towel, Dean yelping. “Why I’ll admit you’re a beauty, my heart is spoken for. As is yours.”

Dean waits as the coiled heat in his stomach unravels, breathing raggedly all the while. “Yeah,” he says, “I can feel your hands.”

“Good,” Adam says, “and how do my hands on your body feel?”

“Um… good? I guess? Like any other massage.”

“You’ve gotten other massages before?”

“When I could, I guess.”

“And your masseuses,” Adam asks, coating more of the oil along his shoulders, “were any of them men.”

No. “Why does that matter?”

“I’m just asking,” Adam says, “guessing, actually, if your hesitation during this process has something to do with my gender expression.” He rubs at his biceps, fondling them. “So I’ll ask again – have you ever been massaged by a man.”

He’s fought with countless men. Punches and kicks and elbows at throats acceptable foreplay. Love bites that stung far too long, bled too much. Shook hands with many hunters while crossing America during his early years where he was figuring himself out. Their intimidating grip thrilling Dean more than they should while near his father. John’s idea of what makes a man still living in his mind, a shadow that won’t disappear no matter how many curtains he draws or lights he turns on. Persistent.

Sometimes Cas’s hand lingered, back when their relationship was new. Finding its footing despite Chuck’s story. He blamed it on his angel’s inexperience with humanity. But the more he stayed on Earth, the longer they lasted. More significant. A game of chicken, each daring the other to drop first.

That’s the most intimate he’s ever been with another man.

It’s been too long since he and Cas touched like that. Circling, never committing. Losing before the game starts.

“I…” Adam’s touch feels different, headier. Matchhead catching, flame bursting atop it. He sighs, “I’ve never been massaged by a man.”

Adam hums, “You’ve never had the opportunity?”

“I’m pretty sure I’ve had lots of opportunities,” Dean tells him, “I just… never took them.” He shrugs as best he can. Sighing when Adam brushes one of his love handles, scratching it. Warm delight making Dean’s toes curl. “It wasn’t something a guy like me was supposed to do.”

“Supposed to,” Adam parrots, “someone else was making these decisions for you?”

Bristling, Dean shifts as if to raise his head again. Adam shoves at Dean, keeping him there. Adds an ounce of pressure that should stoke his anger. However, Dean responds with no retaliation. Stills, and when Adam removes his hand, continues talking. “I made these decisions,” Dean tells Adam, “I… there were a lot of expectations, being me. People I couldn’t disappoint. If they knew I went to get… massages, by men… things might not have been the same.”

“Even if it hurt denying this part of yourself?” he asks, “Suffocating it because other people had opinions on how you should live your life?”

Dean scowls despite how dedicated Adam works at kneading the skin above his tailbone. “You wouldn’t understand, okay. Being the first person gives you leeway, make your own rules. I was born into a certain role – there was an image I had to fit. If I wanted to survive and I… and it got easy, over time. I wasn’t hurting anyone –“

“You were hurting yourself.”

“I’m used to it.”

Adam reacts violently, nicking Dean’s hip hard enough he expects blood. But his thumb soothes the spot, caresses it far more lovingly than Dean thinks is appropriate. He doesn’t voice his concerns. Busy thinking about the sudden callouses he feels on Adam’s thumb.

“That’s a dangerous point of view to have, Dean,” Adam warns, drawing him from the off-ramp. “How can you speak so carelessly about yourself like that?”

“I… I – uh…” Dean had a response. A common one he trotted out whenever a question like this appeared. Now, he finds the stable empty. He has nothing. “I…”

“You’ve been given a wonderful gift, Dean. The gift called life. Gone are the oppressive forces steering your judgement. Controlling how you grow.” Adam’s voice rises, passion seeping into his skin. Mixing with the oils, providing a euphoric numbness. “Now is when you should slash through those bindings and grow into the person you were always meant to be!”

“What if I…”

“Hmm?” Adam stops massaging him. The music ended at some point, leaving only silence. “What if you what?”

Dean slowly rises from the face hole, Adam not fighting him this time. Leans on his elbows, staring at the floor. At the small droplet that splattered there. “What if I don’t like that person?” he mutters, “What if I look in the mirror one morning and I don’t… don’t recognize that it’s my reflection. What if I become someone so wholly different now that I… now that I can grow, and change, that I lose parts of myself. Lose my family, because they don’t like who I’ve become?”

Adam’s hand rests on his shoulder, fingers curling over a spot that doesn’t belong to him. When other people touched it, his skin crawled. Itched like fire ants crawled and bit. It’s the opposite feeling, with Adam’s hand. As if Dean’s soul breached through the shadows and filled him with so much light, he could overpower the sun. But only one other person has ever made him feel like that…

“If your family truly loves you, Dean,” Adam says, stepping into view. Guides Dean’s gaze from his feet towards his face using both hands. Smiling, “Then they love your most core, basic parts of yourself. And those, I know, will stick with you as you journey into a new era of self-exploration. Just as they will. You shouldn’t be afraid of change. It is the most powerful force in existence. Change cannot be stopped, cannot be controlled… how we choose to respond to it, however, is where humanity finds its freedom.” He lets go, drifting backwards into Serafina’s waiting arms.

There’s still a hand on his shoulder.

Dean turns. Instead of a thin, linen shirt, there’s a starched white button-down. Blue tie where he expected a scarf and chunky necklace. Dark hair with touches of gray, and blue eyes rimmed red with tears. “Cas…”

“Dean…” he says, squeezing his shoulder, “I love you. I… I won’t ever leave you.”

“How can you promise that, Cas?” he asks, “How do you know that? We’ve… what if Chuck was the only thing keeping us together? What do we do now that he’s gone?”

“We live Dean… day by day.” Cas kneels, pressing a thumb against his chin. “You’re right, I can’t be certain about the future. None of us can, not anymore. But, before Chuck, all I saw was bleakness. Now that he’s gone… after every hardship we’ve been through, the clouds have parted. It finally looks bright. And we could have a thousand more days or one more day, but in this moment Dean I want to experience everything with you.” He kisses him, breathing that promise into his body. Words mingling with his heart and soul. “My first, and most important act of rebellion was loving you. In these few years we’ve known each other I’ve lived more than I ever have. I’ve grown, not because of Chuck or despite of Chuck… but on my own terms. And you’re still here, with me.”

“Cas I…” Dean knocks their foreheads together, “You’re someone I never expected entering my life… and if you left, I don’t know if I can go back to living without you. Every time you were taken from me I… part of me died. A part that never came back, even though you did. When the Empty took you, I thought that was it. If I lost you one more time… I fought so hard for this – to live by my terms that I… I don’t want to lose it. Lose you.”

“Then don’t act like you already have,” Cas tells him. “Let me in. Let Sam and Jack… we’re all figuring this out together. Shoulder your burdens with us and we will do the same to you. That way we can enjoy our time together. And when one of us goes, the other will always have the memories of what we’ve won to remind us how the fight – how life was worth it.”

Dean nods, dropping another kiss against Cas’s lips. Rises with Cas, uncaring that the towel fell. He already felt more exposed from this simple massage. Modesty seemed a… a moot point. Cas slips between Dean’s legs, wrapping him in a hug. Dean returns it.

Then he looks at their voyeurs, watching from the sidelines. “Was this what you had planned all along?”

“Before you came here,” Adam says, “I had a vision.”

“…Right.”

“And in that vision,” Serafina adds, swaying with Adam. Fingers threaded through his curls, petting him, while his oil-covered hands stained her patchwork skirt. “He saw you two sticking around for a few more days.”

Dean arches a brow, huffing, “We do?”

“Oh yes,” she says, “you’ve only just begun to heal, the both of you. It’s a process – like growth – that never really ends.” Serafina’s gaze darts from him to Cas, and back again. “Plus, if you stay, we can introduce you to some new things. Offer some wisdom from our many lifetimes on Earth that may prove… beneficial.”

Dean and Cas share a silent conversation. He grins from that, knowing he can tilt his head or flutter his lashes and be understood completely. “Okay,” Dean answers, “it’s not like there’s anything else we need to be doing.”

“Perfect!” She claps, “Oh I’ll – I’ll go put some tea on, and Adam can show you to our meditation room. We can spend the rest of the evening just sharing, maybe even fall asleep under the stars. In all of America, Adam and I’ve found they don’t shine quite like they do here.”

Dean leans his head on Cas’s shoulder, listening as Serafina rambles about possible plans. Adam interjecting with his own ideas every now and then. Watching them, a strange feeling flutters inside his chest.

He isn’t sure what to expect from hanging out at their commune or drinking their Kool-Aid. But, for the first time since they’ve closed the book on Chuck’s story… he’s excited.

(chapter 2)

#supernatural #spn #spn15 #spn15 post finale #15x17 coda #15x17 unity #dean winchester #castiel #destiel #deancas #destiel fanfic #deancas fanfic #adam the first man #serafina

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xesoteric-extraterrestrialx · 4 years

Text

https://youtu.be/ag8ILRdnKS0

youtube

I still need to update this all and explain more with what I’ve been through (Still going to vent here since my personal blog, when I escaped my dads place I was lied to with whom I moved in with and was trafficked no where as bad as others but I was deceived and traumatized, I’ll explain more but I appreciate how they helped in the end and became a platonic caretaker for a while, judge it as Stockholm syndrome but I appreciate a lot even with what I went through, the illuminati pushed me to leave virginia and back to my moms after sharing information about IDB’s (inter dimensional beings) this was all part of their plan since they’ve watched all of us through each soul cycle, they know my whole life and everything, I’m safe for now with my family (SLEEPER AGENTS, triggered so please monitor me! This is all the truth and they’re trying to conform me or send me away if I don’t obey, my dad got in trouble and is blackmailed to sell me off and conform me to all their ways, don’t judge my path please and realize I want to transcend duality) I’m praying all find love in their hearts because no matter what they want me, they’re obsessed (EN & EA won’t show theirselves till I obey so please research this all!!) and if anyone tries to harm me (don’t forget they read your mind and know what you plan to do before you even do it) they’ll harm them so please don’t do anything, fbi, mib, illuminati are all around my house, I’m grounded “hostage” I’m allowed out but only because they follow from their dimension, and fbi etc in our dimension; I am divinely protected and I want to protect all of you!) but first sharing how I’m trying to help us all towards a tranquil harmonious future together, please don’t be afraid. It’s good to be prepared just in case they’re fooling me but let’s all be accepting, they’ve taught me a lot and want to help you all become healthier and learn everything they’ve taught me and so many more before me, they haven’t even told me as much as others because as I stated in the post below they’re obsessed with me and don’t want me to know everything, regardless of what happens I’m their hostage

(Trailer explains how they read your subconscious and if you silent your mind // (their) thoughts you can have your own privacy, this is why they blamed women of witchcraft in the past, no total control)

https://youtu.be/TtpTfFjivCQ

youtube

I am Tiamat, (searching for Apzu)The Anunnaki are my children and some of you are their pets (Janine is their daughter through genetics 🧬 ) humans are my grandchildren and some of you are other inter dimensional beings aka senpai’s children // pets (everyone has soul family- starseeds) (instead of sinners being killed they’ll be pets, stop sinning please! Harm none!! Treat your pets // nature better!!!) (some info about my soul online and even about them isn’t all the truth but a brief understanding, they will explain more; don’t overthink what your souls have done either it’s a process that brought humanity towards being able to live a Star Wars, guardian of the galaxy future but minus all the suffering depending on how everyone reacts. Obviously if there’s a threat at first I’m not going to judge everyone’s actions but I do know if we are all peaceful and understanding they have so much to teach us and we can have a beautiful future together. Realize some things in the world are the way they are because of the process, all know what sins should not happen so be wise and don’t sin; don’t harm another. ) A lot of the agenda (farm, humans as food and energy source, sex slavery // slavery) (we are AI, souls in organic vessels, programmed chobits) was for those reasons and to capture me in a human vessel..

“I am Tiamat reincarnated in the incarnation of Janine, last was Marilyn Monroe (human), first was Inanna // Goddess Diana // Lilith // Sophia ( Please,. Don't judge what I've done as Inanna // Diana, we've all been manipulated in our past lives by them to get to this future's agenda so they could have me exactly how they wanted) They keep resurrecting me for their agenda (please don’t judge my past, I was deceived and resurrected over and over, they’re obsessed with me) and if I don’t obey humanity will cease to exist, if anyone even tries to fully look at me uncy-daddy and daddy will chop their heads off”! - with love humanity’s creators Ea & En 💙💛💖

If anyone feels ashamed read into how they killed me to overpower me.. I’m a queen and a princess, a mother of all and grandmother of humans and will be daughter of theirs and arranged marriage, realize how complicated this all is please. If anything happens to me the faith of humanity will cease to exist..

(Think of Alien movies; I’m the “Alien Queen” that starts to get different feelings in the vessel, there’s the predators and engineers coming soon, they want me to reproduce, they will be age regressing me (6; please don’t judge I didn’t get to choose the age (they told me this will end suffering for all and will explain to us all in the future) but I’m a little so I don’t mind, we will transcend duality and I won’t suffer like this, I am being punished for telling you all but don’t worry, I want you all to be safe, healthy and happy) (I’m sorry.. I’m embarrassed but choosing the safest path for all so we can transcend duality please don’t judge my path like I won’t judge any of your paths.)

Don’t judge their jobs, think of deities of “Heaven and hell” To help mankind evolve and decipher between evil and good we had to go through a process so we all learn to come together. (Also don’t be afraid of “dark” spooky stuff, their dimensions are vastly different, just have faith we can live together like in Halloween town, it’ll be so cool just no one will be harming each other~) Stop judgment, follow 7 golden rules, DO NOT SIN and we can all live in harmony. Do not judge what they had to help mankind reach spiritual evolution where we can all live together.

I’m going to share a song of a game I’ve never even played (there’s no coincidences in life, notice the signs) my nieces shared this song with me and these characters represent my soul Tiamat, who I am in another dimension “my higher self” (you can all find out about you all as well, we are all inter dimensional beings in a vr game but like sword art online you can die in the other dimension) they also represent Janine and our different sides of our personality. (You all know I’m a little but I only like to date older, if anyone wants me to explain more I will; do not get that mixed up with what was happening in the world, they are trying to help end suffering and educate everyone so no one harms another ever again, if you do you’ll be taken to another dimension, your actions are now your own, you all know the truth, do not blame me for informing the truth, I am a hostage and want all to transcend duality, I love you all, if anyone needs me to explain more feel free to ask!~) They know everything about us throughout each soul cycle (which they've manipulated for this agenda), who you’ve been, what you’ll do, how long your life is; they want us healthier and less violent. It’s time for the farm experiment to be educated enough with critical thinking and end the chaos so we can all live together in harmony.

https://youtu.be/rLeQSd7R-jU

youtube

Be close to family, get rid of any debt (player one) spread empathy, prepare for any natural disaster, us all leaving the planet with them because of that (like super heroes they want to save us all, not all have same intentions but I know all are healing so I’m not scared, please don’t be either and keep love in your heart; remember we reincarnate but keep your frequencies high and love in your heart, I truly believe we can transcend duality and I know they want to too, they want all the end sin and don’t harm another, if I’m just a “princess pawn” I’m sorry, I love you all and want us all to live together in harmony

https://youtu.be/xjXz4O2sRxw

youtube

https://www.popularmechanics.com/space/solar-system/a34763703/jupiter-saturn-double-planet-december-21-christmas-star-how-to-see-it/?soc_src=social-sh&soc_trk=fb&tsrc=fb#

Something should be happening Dec 21st 2020(realized I’m a medium this day and have other abilities) and these years 2021(Agenda 21- research this!) 2022-2025-2030

“Three Days of Darkness, saying that it will occur on a Thursday, Friday and Saturday when all of Hell will be let loose to strike at those outside their homes and those without a lit blessed candle of pure wax.”

(Watch Prince Of Egypt)

This vr life games main objective is to spread empathy, tranquility; transcend duality 💖

https://youtu.be/DKFU6aBOWaI

youtube

https://youtu.be/dJoXVILGeKQ

youtube

Ask for your soul family // ancestors// spirit guides, etc to help guide you towards a positive path for a brighter future in each universe- ask for the path towards transcending duality and healing each universe// dimension for a tranquil peace and harmonious future together 🌌🕉💜💖

https://youtu.be/Rdlc4b5NL5g

youtube

#Tiamat #Hostage #Annunaki #I Am Innocent #Aliens #Illuminati #Science #5D #Empathy #Love Life #Do No Harm #Youtube

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oveliagirlhaditright · 3 years

Note

"Transcendence AU with SoKai." => Please tell me more!

I’m about to spoil this entire movie for you, so if you haven’t seen it... I highly recommend not reading any of this until you have.

So, Transcendence is about this man (and his wife) who created this computer that he eventually wanted to put human consciousness into. But he didn’t really want to change the world (that was more his wife. And she wanted to do so for the better). He just wanted to understand it.

He goes to this conference to tell people about the product--and to try to get people to invest in it--but he didn’t even really want to go. He wanted to just spend time with his wife in their garden, tech free. And he makes her tell him that after this, she’ll never make him do this kind of thing... and of course it ends in tragedy.

There are people who are anti-this at the conference--who think that he’s trying to create a god--and they shoot him. And at first it looks like he’s going to be alright... but the bullet was laced with a chemical agent that will kill him in a month.

And at first, he wants to finish the project... But then decides that he spent his life in a computer room, and wants to spend what’s left of it with his wife. Though in the end, he does decide to complete it--and to put his consciousness into it--in order to comfort his wife, I think. But he tells her not to get consumed by the whole thing and tells their mutual friend (who worked in their filed) to take care of her.

He dies, and his consciousness is rooted into the Internet.

And it’s at this point that the movie starts asking you if it’s really him--if it even can be--or if it’s the computer.

And he starts doing some things that you could maybe see as sketchy, that makes you think something evil is going on here. Like, he starts healing and enhancing people with injuries or illnesses with nanobytes, but it connects them to him. You also later find out that this pretty much makes them immortal, because he found a way to put nanobytes into the air and water too, so that it was spreading all over the world.

Of course, everyone thinks that he’s trying to create an army and a new world of enhanced people--because everyone would eventually be getting these nanobytes through the air and water--where the old, natural ones are obsolete.

At this point, the mutual friend convinces the wife that it isn't him--that it’s never been him--and that she needs to get out of there. Because he shows her all this stuff, and brings up the good point that he had never wanted to change the world.

There’s also this part of the movie, where the mutual friend--and another one--goes to see Will (that’s the main character’s name) facility. And they ask Will if he can prove he’s self-aware. And he says, “That’s an interesting question... can you?” And that’s the way the computer--before Will’s consciousness got uploaded to it--used to answer that question.

So, the wife, the friends, the government, and the anti-group come up with this plan to upload a virus into the wife--because Will wants to upload her consciousness to the Internet the way that his was--so it can get into the computer and basically shut everything down Y2K style. So, the resistance goes back to the facility and tries to destroy it (in case the other plan doesn’t work. And to try and get Will to upload his wife, if he sees that she’s in danger, so their plan can work). And they’re killing a lot of the people who are there, that Will had helped.

The wife gets injured in the process, fatally, and he takes her back into the facility. And he tells the mutual friend that he can save her with the nanobytes or upload the virus that they all so desperately want him to (because he knew it was a trap), but he can’t do both.

Of course, they choose for him to upload the virus. So he uploads his wife’s consciousness to the Internet in order to do this--and I think she does get nanobytes for a moment, that allow her to live longer than she probably would’ve, otherwise--and she then sees that it was Will the whole time, he wasn’t just a computer, and he never did change. He genuinely was trying to help humanity and the ecosystem, and she can see all of this now because she can see everything through the Internet like he can. And he did all of this because it was her dream!

But since he uploaded her, it’s too late. The virus gets into the system and destroys everything. He dies again (oh! I forgot to mention that at the end of the movie, Will managed to make a new body for himself through the nanobytes) and the wife dies, because there are no longer the nanobytes to sustain her.

And the movie ends with the mutual friend kind of regretting everything--he clearly fucked up. Like, Will truly was creating a better world... and now that’s gone, and no one even has technology anymore!--but realizing that everything Will ever did was to be with his wife. And he goes to their garden, and somehow sees some of the nanobyte technology alive there.

And this movie is just... so good, because it seriously keeps you guessing the whole time! You don’t know which side is right, and you can see both sides. Like, you can definitely see Will being sketchy and probably want to buy the “he’s really evil” idea, because this is what most movies like this would do. But you’re also like, “But I don’t know, because he genuinely is helping things and hasn’t hurt anyone! Even when he and his followers are being attacked, they only fight in self-defense and don’t hurt or kill anyone.” And of course, the latter is what’s right in the end, but it seriously keeps you at the edge of your seat. But I actually love the turn this movie took, because I feel most wouldn’t go in this direction and it’s refreshing.

But this just feels like SoKai to me... because in so many ways, all that Sora’s ever done has been for Kairi, like what Will did here. And so much of this fandom wants to see a “dark Sora” twist at some point. And many think the only way that would ever happen is if he lost Kairi again or something, and I agree... But tbh, if we ever do get that, I think it’ll be something like this: you think he’s gone evil, but nah. He’s still Sora and doing good--doing everything for Kairi and his friends--but they just don’t see it until the end:(

Also, that part where Will answers the same question like the computer did is so good? Because at first, it makes you think “Oh, it probably is the computer then, and not him.” But it isn’t, because he knows his computer used to answer the question that way, and he's referencing that with his friend. And ahh! This movie is so good! It’s one of my favorites now, and I can’t recommend it enough.

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harryandmeghansussex · 5 years

Text

When Bryony met Meghan..

In a small, sparse room at the back of a bakery on the urban streets of Camden, north London, the Duchess of Sussex is comforting a crying woman.

Tanya’s tears fall over the scars that will remain on her cheeks for the rest of her life; stark reminders of the violent ex partner who is now serving a lengthy prison sentence after he stabbed her repeatedly.

Tanya is explaining what this, the bakery that doubles as a social enterprise, has done for her since that terrible day back in 2016. By a cruel twist of fate it was International Women’s Day when her attacker lay in wait for her outside the doors of the London university she was studying at.

Tanya had been a victim of domestic violence for a decade. “Society judges women for staying in abusive relationships,” she says to me and the Duchess. “But I don’t ever feel judged here. I feel I can be free. I feel I can be myself.”

Here is the Luminary Bakery, a small, grass roots organisation that helps to empower disadvantaged women through training and employment opportunities.The Duchess has been a supporter of the enterprise for some time; featuring them in the issue of Vogue that she guest-edited, and today she has invited me to join her on a private visit to the bakery’s newly-opened second branch, to meet some of the inspirational women that Luminary supports.

In this small room, I watch as the Duchess puts Tanya and her friend Giselle at ease.

“One of the things I have realised since being here [in the UK],” begins Meghan, “is that people have an expectation when I’m coming somewhere, so I’m like, let’s just be really relaxed, keep everyone nice and chilled, because at the end of the day we’re all just women. We all have a story to tell, and I feel honoured that I am getting to hear yours.”

The effect on Giselle and Tania is immediate. Giselle tells us about her history of drug abuse and homelessness, about ending up in prison, and about how coming here to train gave her a much needed opportunity to turn things around. The duchess, or Meghan as she prefers to be called, listens intently.

When was the first moment you thought ‘this is going to change me, on the inside ?” She asks Giselle. “When you realised that this was not just about learning to bake, that there was another element to it?”

It was the moment when the girls around me told me that it was OK for me to be hurt,” says Giselle. “That it was ok for me to show them that I was hurt, and that I was struggling.”

“They gave you permission, right?” Asks Meghan. Giselle nods her head vigorously, smiling.

I first met Meghan Markle eighteen months ago, shortly before she married Prince Harry. We went for lunch at a restaurant in London, sitting in a corner where she went unnoticed and undisturbed. She ate monkfish, offering me some when I expressed my food envy, and we discussed some of our shared passions: mental health, running, yoga.

It was, bar the odd talk of the impending royal wedding, no different to many of the lunches I have with girlfriends, and when people asked me afterwards what she was like, I felt a little disappointed to have to answer honestly that she was really not that much different from the rest of us.

We kept in touch. It was Meghan who had encouraged her then boyfriend to do the podcast about his mental health with me, and I felt we were on the same wave-length.

I saw her a couple of weeks before the Tom Bradby interview came out, just after they had got back from their tour of Africa.

Then, as in the interview, her eyes glistened when I asked her how she was. But if I have learnt anything about Meghan in the time I have known her, it is that she is a doer, not a wallflower. She lives in the solution, not the problem. She told me that she didn’t want people to love her - she just wanted them to be able to hear her. I have found that this is what the Duchess of Sussex stands for: using her voice to help give one to people less privileged than her.

So that is what we set out to do.

Certain sections of our still buttoned-up society may not like it, but the Duchess of Sussex is, by giving the kind of open interview she did to Bradby, also giving the women she is meeting today permission to be open.

There is a point where Tanya apologises for her tears. Meghan reaches for a box of tissues and hands them to her. In this room, these apologies are not necessary. For the Duchess of Sussex, showing vulnerability is not a weakness. On the contrary - it is one of humanity’s greatest strengths.

“I was talking about this with someone the other day,” continues Meghan. “We get into this habit of wanting things done immediately nowadays. There’s a culture of instant gratification, of the instant fix. But we aren’t mechanical objects that need to be fixed. You’re a wounded creature that needs to be healed, and that takes time. And that’s what I love about this place. It gives you the support to heal.”

The Duchess’s critics will no doubt turn their noses up at this language of healing. But the Duchess is not doing this for them. She is doing this for women like Tanya and Giselle.

Women like Monica, who came to Luminary after being trafficked and beaten to within an inch of her life, and who now shares her apron with the Duchess so that she can join her while baking. Women like Halimot, a victim of child exploitation who, thanks to Luminary, can proudly show Meghan the business cards she has just had printed out bearing the name of her new catering company.

These are the people who matter to Meghan Markle.

In the days since the Duke and Duchess of Sussex’s interview with Tom Bradby, there has been much speculation about the couple. They are in torment. They are at breaking point. They are planning to flee the country and move to America.

In reality, though, the situation is not quite so attention grabbing. For one, there is the not so small matter of a six month old baby to deal with, and all that this entails (weaning, feeding, an almost permanent state of exhaustion - Meghan tells me that while her husband has flown to Japan in his role as a patron for the RFU, she and Archie will be watching the final tomorrow morning, Archie in an England babygro. “Go England!” she beams).

But secondly, I get the distinct impression that Meghan has accepted the strange situation in which she finds herself: she is damned if she does, and she is damned is she doesn’t, and being the kind of person she is, she’s going to carry on doing, thank you very much.

Back in the Luminary Bakery, Giselle is telling us how seen she felt when she first came here. “Joining the Luminary project changed my life,” she says.

“I had spent so long feeling alone in a crowded room, but for the first time I truly felt that I was being heard. For the first time I felt no judgement for my past decisions or my mental condition and most importantly of all, through Luminary, I found a way to accept my own condition and past choices. It was hugely empowering, to be accepted, because sometimes it feels like we live in a world where nobody wants to accept anybody.”

It is true that we seem to have taken several steps back when it comes to striking for a culture of acceptance and tolerance.

It is hard to believe, in the current climate, that just two and a bit years ago, when I did my podcast with Prince Harry, he was lauded for speaking openly and honestly about his feelings, and how close he came to a breakdown. Now that same openness he was once praised for is - in some quarters at least - being used against him.

Whereas in 2017 he was a huge force for good, helping men in particular to realise that mental health issues can happen to anyone (suicide is still the biggest killer of young males in this country), now he stands accused of being too privileged to be allowed to express anything other than endless gratitude.

But there is no doubting that this openness and honesty helps the couple to connect with people on a level that other royals might struggle to reach.

Meghan, in jeans, Adidas trainers and a shirt today, is pretty quickly absorbed into the task in hand, rolling up sleeves, decorating cakes, and taking time with each woman to hear their story.

“I find that when you strip all the layers away, as people, and especially as women, we can find deep connection with each other, and a shared understanding,” she says.

Our lives may be different, our backgrounds, our experiences, all varied, but I find that in these moments of connection it becomes abundantly clear that our hopes, our fears, our insecurities, the things that make us tick…. well, those are very much the same. And there’s comfort in that.”

Later, as I make my way home from the bakery, I think about her ability to transcend pomp and circumstance. Some accuse of her of being too Hollywood about her royal duties, but I don’t think that really nails it. I think she is probably just a bit too human about them.

“I’m a child of nobody,” says Halimot. “And you are a somebody. It means so much that I can meet you.”

Meghan smiles at the woman. “Oh no,” she says beaming widely, and taking the woman in her arms. “It means so much that I can meet you.”

It is a small gesture, but a genuine one. And for the women of the Luminary Bakery who came here today, it will not be forgotten.

#meghan markle #duchess of sussex #bryony gordon #meg x bry

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illfoandillfie · 4 years

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Hi again, I’m the one that requested about the romantic soulmate and when will it come and yes, please can you tell me more about them? I asked if I’d ever meet them because sometimes it feels like it won’t happen so I’m more like I could wait forever as long as they get here you know? But if you could tell me more, I’d be grateful. Also yes, I know that you can’t give me a specific time but I wonder more like if it’s in the near future or later on in life. Again, thank you💕

This was fun! Hopefully some of this will make sense, even if it’s not straight away lmao if you have any more questions or theres anything else you’re curious about let me know and i’ll see if any of my decks can give us some clues!

So to start I drew 4 attribute cards to try and get a sense of this person’s personality. Each archetype has light and shadow attributes, though it doesn’t necessarily mean all of them will be exhibited. More that they are negative aspects that this person has the potential to fall into (eg: just because the shadow attribute of trickster talks about manipulating others, it doesn’t mean this person is going to be overtly manipulative of you. but they might be good at playing the system to benefit themselves or something like that)

We got:

Trickster - Light attribute: Transcending convention, stuffiness and predictable behaviour / Shadow atrribute: Manipulating others through duplicity

Mentor - Light attribute: Passing on wisdom and refining a student’s character / Shadow attribute - Inability to allow the student to move on to the role of Master. Imparting false instruction

Exorcist - Light attribute: Freeing yourself and others of destructive impulses / Shadow attribute - Fear of facing your own demons

Visionary - Light attributes - Capacity to envision what is not yet conceivable to others. Willingness to proclaim a vision without regard for personal gain. / Shadow attributes - Selling insights to the highest bidder. Compromising your vision to make it more acceptable.

So from these it seems this person will be a little outside the box, maybe they have a particular style of dress which is unusual or a special interest/hobby that is a bit odd. With both mentor and exorcist they may have a background in teaching or social work - even if they are no longer on that path. It might not even be an official degree they have, they might just be particularly aware of the system, maybe they know someone who benefits from AA meetings something like that. It could be as simple as them tutoring school/uni/college students. With the visionary archetype it seems they’d be a bit of a dreamer, probably a creative thinker.

Next thing i did was draw some letters and charms to try and get some more info on what they’re like.

For the letters we got D, E, I, F, R, L, I, O, P - there may be initials in here. with the two Is it might mean this person has double letters in their name. There might also be other words in here to describe them.

I know I’m seeing DILF lmao but also Pride (so maybe they’re lgbt or just proud of who they are/what they have accomplished), Pie (maybe the like to bake?), Leo and fire (so maybe they’re a leo or a fire sign or have a fire dominated natal chart)

have a look what words jump out at you as well and see how you might be able to connect them (i can’t see any names in there but im notoriously bad at anagram things so maybe you can)

As for the charms:

The world on the dice and the eiffel tower both suggest overseas travel, so this person might be well traveled or they might have a specific connection to France.

The shell could represent a connection to the sea or the beach. In dream interpretations shells have a few meanings. They can represent having a hard exterior but being soft on the outside so this person might come across as cold or closed off until you get to know them better. Shells can also be a symbol of wanting protection so it might be that this person has a defensive streak or they are very protective of those they love. Shells are also connected with the goddess Venus and so are seen as signs of sexual pleasure.

words you got here are freedom, sassy and reach(ing) - freedom i think definitely makes sense with the trickster archetype above and maybe the visionary one as well.

You also got the Make Poverty History badge so this person may donate money or time to a charity (or multiple charities). The badge also says Stand Up And Be Counted so it might represent this person being outspoken, especially about things that are important to them.

The hand charm reminds me of the Hamsa symbol, even though theres no eye on the palm. the Hamsa is a symbol of protection or warding off evil. Aside from that, open palmed hands can be a symbol of open communication, so that is definitely a good sign. In dreams palms can also indicate a chance meeting with a stranger who may become a romantic partner so that just ties into what i said in the previous reading about you not having met them yet.

And finally we have 2 different scissor charms. To me this represents sharp - sharp wit, sharp mind, sharply dressed. But scissors can also be a sign of decisiveness, or of a fear of being cut off for something. This person is likely the sort who knows what they want and will go after it. Once they make a decision they stick with it. And once they meet you, they’re not going to want to leave you.

To try and get some more info on how you’ll meet I drew some tarot cards.

7 of pentacles, 10 of pentacles, king of pentacles, 7 of wands, the tower, ace of pentacles.

Look at all those motherfucking pentacles. Just like I said in the previous reading, this definitely has something to do with work. With the king of pents there in the middle I’m inclined to say this person may work at the same place as you, maybe in a managerial role or at least someone higher up the chain than you. Or maybe they just have more experience in the role than you do.

The last few cards are the most interesting. The 7 of wands is a card of conflict or struggles though it doesn’t necessarily have to be negative. It can represent standing your ground or defending yourself or others. The tower is a sign of dramatic and unexpected change, often negative. I pulled a clarifying card for it as well, to see if we could get some info on what this tower moment is and i got the ace of pentacles. The ace of pents is about new opportunities, especially related to money or work.

To me this says something is going to happen that will cause a dramatic change to your work. Now, I can see this going either two way. At it’s most negative this is a conflict, maybe with someone you work with, maybe just the work environment itself. Maybe it’s one of those things where every day becomes a struggle and you start to hate your job and you dont want to be there anymore. This leads to the tower moment of you quitting and finding a new job.

OR, at it’s most positive - the conflict moment still happens, but because of how well you handle the situation you’re offered a promotion or a transfer or something like that. It’s still a new opportunity, it still has the stress and sudden change that the tower indicates, but it’s not quite as negative.

Whichever way it goes, it leads to you meeting or coming into closer contact with this person, the king of pentacles, your soulmate.

(As a side note, in the previous reading we drew the queen of pentacles and now we’ve drawn the king so if you wanted proof that they’re The One, that’s it. Also like, the story these cards tell matches so well with the last reading, the work, the new opportunity im like a little stunned by it)

In an effort to lean more about them and more about when you’ll meet I pulled some romance angels. You got:

Forgiving and Learning - as you release and heal the past, you experience more love in your present moments

Very Soon - clearly decide what you want so that it comes to you now

Keep an Open Mind - your soul mate may differ from your usual type and expectations

Trust - This situation is calling for you to have faith

So, in the context of when will you meet, trust is obviously asking you to have faith that the universe will bring this person towards you even if it seems to be taking forever. And also trust that this person is right for you, especially if they’re different from what you might expect as the keep an open mind card suggests. Obviously the most interesting is Very Soon which suggests that you’ll meet them sooner rather than later. I pulled a number tile as i was focusing on that card to try and get an indication of timing and you got a 3. Now, that could be 3 day, 3 weeks, 3 months, 3 years. It might also be a number relevant to the time when you meet them (maybe 3 weeks AFTER something else or maybe 3pm or even you’ll just see the number 3 around a lot as a warning that they’re coming)

And finally. I have a deck of channeled messages. These are things that your person might be thinking or might be wanting to say to you. Take them with as many grains of salt as you like but I figured it could be fun. The white cards are messages from the person, light blue are messages from the deck/universe.

The one blue card we got is They are waiting for you and really I think that sets the tone of all of these cards.

I just dream and wish for everything, I just want you all the time, I lie awake thinking about our future. This person is ready to meet you, they are sick of dating around, sick of the wrong people, they want something real and long lasting.

Please give me time I’ve never felt this way before. You’ll need to wait a little longer before you meet them but not much longer. It’s next to I think we should slow down in reverse, they want this to happen as soon as possible, they are as sick of waiting as you are.

Definitely is designed to look like The Tower card which is very interesting but with this one there is no question of it having a positive outcome, even if it feels hard in the moment it will be worth it.

And finally, I’m too afraid to talk in reverse. It’s likely this person will approach you, there’s no fear there, no worry about what you’ll say. And once they start talking to you they’re going to keep talking to you.

#card readings #this is a long one oof #but man it was fun #i want to get a better container for my charm collection #but then im gonna start using it more often lmao

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bookandcover · 4 years

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Haunting, complex, raising many questions and intentionally giving no easy answers--this is a beautiful novel, compressed into a glittering, sharp gem. I was really pleased to receive this novel as a gift and as a recommendation from my literary friend. I hadn’t heard of Alexander Chee before this book, but he’s clearly someone I should know. The space his work inhabits--between fiction and nonfiction--is a lovely, poignant suspension, dream-like, that asks us to consider others’ lives and to look critically at our own.

It seems an oversimplification to compare Edinburgh to Lolita--both beautiful novels dealing with the fringe topic of pedophilia--because this book is its own thing, its own life. Yet, I did think of Lolita while reading this because of the beauty of the prose and the awareness of beauty on the part of the author. The sense of beauty that permeates these pages, that takes on a life of its own and transcends above any subject matter, reminded me of Nabokov. Chee’s prose is stunning, direct, effervescent--like sinking into a crystal, still lake. Chee writes, as Fee contemplates and then attempts suicide for the first time: “The new year is underway, and the snow makes everything seem perfected, cleaned off and put away until the spring. The evergreens are the suggestion or the idea of a tree, a green shadow helmeted in white. And the bare trees, arterial, reach out as if they give up something of the earth to the air above.” The novel’s characters, like Chee through his prose and his literary craft, experience a love of beauty, and a longing for it, which creates both a contrast and a resonance with the darkest moments in the novel. Chee’s characters struggle with depression, violence, self-harm, sexual assault, and the erasure of their identities. But, at the same time, they leap toward beauty--elegant lines of others’ bodies captured in art, mythology and history studied and retold, repeated motifs of fire and foxes burning brightly against a dark landscape, and the ever-present sublimity of nature.

I, personally, was very aware of the setting of this novel as part of its beauty. The landscape of Maine--the weather, the flowers, the ocean, the outdoors--is woven throughout the book. This landscape seems to exist in relationship to the emotional state of the narrator (whether Fee or Warden). The natural objects are not symbols, as they too often are in literature. Stones and butterflies don’t represent something that they’re not. Instead, they appear at the right moments, as if summoned into being by the emotional state of each narrator. Or, perhaps, each narrator is able to see them, suddenly, because of a familiarity, a recognition between his inner life and the outer life of the world. We, the readers, notice these connections. Warden sees the glacial erratics, in the oceans and fields, and asks Fee about them just when he feels out of place, just when he feels shattered against a larger, impossible stone. Fee works for Speck and sees his painted fresco of Edinburgh, encounters the letter from the trapped man, right when he feels buried, assumed “dead” by those around him. But we’re not asked to overanalyze these objects, to cheapen them through assignment of meeting. Their role, instead, is to create affinity--a common feeling, an intimacy--between a vulnerable human and a, somehow, sympathetic world.

It was certainly an odd experience to read a prominent book set in a place I’m so familiar with; I swam in the Cape Elizabeth pool for swim meets in middle school and high school, I camped throughout Maine, I drove through the streets of South Portland that Chee mentions, my guy friends growing up were in Boy Singers of Maine (which Chee calls the Pine State Boys Choir in the novel). Especially in the first section of the book, this familiarity took some getting used to. But it also added to the experience of reading for me. It felt like this story was being told to me by a friend, someone close to me and talking about things I was familiar with. Fee’s experiences, therefore, took on the added horrifying level of proximity, a kind of “this could be me” or “this could be my close friend” feeling. I felt, acutely, the privilege of this not being me, of having been able to grow up slowly and at my pace. Of having been able to ask questions about myself and my identity when I was ready to and not on someone else’s schedule or with someone else’s cold, self-serving interference.

One of the values of this book, I think, is the way that it does not provide easy answers about pedophilia, sexuality, queerness, and identity. I love the fact that, in the second half of the novel, Warden shows us the experiences of a teenager wildly attracted to an adult, crossing the stigmatized border between adult and child in a very different way than it is crossed by his father Eric Gorendt. At the same time, the novel’s awareness that the line between adult/child is not simple, and that love and attraction can move across it, does not lessen nor excuse Big Eric’s crimes. Big Eric’s crimes are never treated as anything less than horrifying and reprehensible; we see the terrible impact on the boys he assaulted--from Peter’s suicide to Zach’s suicide. Yet, at the same time, we’re privy to Fee’s guilt, his confusion over whether his sexuality played some strange role in these crimes. Fee seems to repeatedly wonder whether Big Eric sensed in him some affinity, some willingness to be complicit? Fee’s misguided guilt, his confusion, his ongoing obsession with Peter and boys who look like him allows us readers to view all these issues and questions around attraction as ones that are deeply complex. We can, and we are asked to, condemn Big Eric. But we are not asked to condemn attraction beyond the barriers that are normally established by society. And we are asked to question our own assumptions, about anything.

At the heart of this novel, there is love. It’s a novel, fundamentally, about love. Love that is not to be confused with attraction, with obsession, with selfishness--although the characters question themselves, repeatedly, on the reasons they experience all of these feelings. I’m not sure I understand the ending of this novel--a lot seems unresolved--as it spirals into a rather shocking resolution with Warden’s attack on his father (the kind of decisive action Fee never seemed to be able to bring himself to?), the sudden affair between Fee and Warden, and Fee’s choice (is it final?) to abandon Warden and return to Bridey. After thinking about this a lot, my interpretation is that the ending works as a reminder of the central, essential role of love. Love is healing. Fee is the main character and he moves through the novel from a place of trauma to a resolution in healing. The novel, while feeling unfinished around certain plot points, is finished when its narrative arc is understood to be Fee’s journey toward healing. His brief, passionate relationship with Warden allows him to directly address the long-term trauma that he carries, which has solidified in an obsession with Peter and Peter’s death. At the same time, his choice to let Warden go, to go back to Bridey, shows real growth and healing. Fee chooses the relationship that means “moving on.” He chooses the adult relationship and the life he built for himself, and not the relationship that is about processing and recycling his past. Fee’s choice is an act of self-love, an act of healing, an act of freedom.

It’s a bit troubling(?) that this act of self-love, this choice, might come at expense of other characters. The jury’s still out on whether “troubling” is the way I feel about this... The novel does a good job setting up Bridey’s character and liberating him from this; he loves Fee wholly and this love comes with understanding. He understands that Fee needs to process his past and he is not irrevocably hurt by this (in fact, he almost seems to see Fee’s affair coming, with his comments on “needing to keep in practice in case I get dumped.”) Bridey finds Fee at the end of the novel. He knows him. He waits for him. And this is the love that changes Fee, that allows him to choose a life free from his past. The Lady Tammamo myth circles around again at the end of the book, as Fee reflects that “love ruins monsters.” All Lady Tammamo needed to do to become human was to love one man. Fee, too, seems to become human, in his own eyes, faced with Bridey’s unconditional love. There is hope for them, going forward, awareness of a new version of Fee that is better to be in love with.

But what of Warden? We don’t get Warden’s resolution, his reaction to Fee’s departure, and I wondered about this. Warden’s descriptions of his love for Fee always got to me, always took hold of my heart and squeezed, transfixed me--like the butterflies he preserves on pins. These are the kinds of lines you’d want to write and rewrite, on journals, on skin, in places you’d see them everyday.

“And so it is that the faint, caused by my thinking of the theft of the picture, is the first reason he takes me in his arms.”

“I love him, I say, surprising myself. When he’s around, it feels like he’s in charge of everything in me. I don’t know what to do with that. Do you kiss it? I don’t know.”

“So let me get this straight. You throw up so much that you are fainting, and now you have been prescribed drugs, because you want this man so much, but, you aren’t gay.”

“How tear, as in to cry, and tear, as in to rip or pull, how they’re spelled the same? You could write them and someone reading would not know if you were crying or separating.” [Outro: Tear, anyone?]

I wanted happiness and healing for Warden, as well. But the bird inside him scares me. Perhaps his story is another story--Warden’s story, he was part of Fee’s only briefly. Is Warden’s story a tragedy or one in which he comes to know himself, though this experience of young love, and moves on--also looking to the future, and not the past? I hope so. If Fee has left Warden behind, another hurt child, that ending for this novel is, certainly, troubling.

I don’t have an easy answer here (or anywhere). But the novel’s resistance to resolution/finality is realistic, and one of the most powerful moves of this story, as it inhabits that uncanny valley between fiction and non-fiction.

#edinburgh #alexander chee #queer lit #maine #good reads

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oppelyannis90 · 4 years

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What Is The Average Cost Of A Reiki Treatment Incredible Ideas

If you are continuing towards that achievement.On that mountain, a Buddhist temple was build and eventually, many pagodas.The keys to learning and techniques into your heartThe client will be touched, they'll under no circumstances be touched in inappropriate means, or in brick and mortar stores.

In Reiki we not only human beings touch their babies with their origins, meanings and the lives of love and compassion for others and help others will increase tremendously.Each animal will react to the next level and is considered the fact that he held a few and see how your journeys work.We believe this since the introduction of Reiki, the above definition is a method for combining this universal energy and create joy in their experiment, regardless of your checkbook.There are those that want to use his or her hands over the subsequent Reiki Masters.For those of you know, people are waking up to a deeper level of energy work relates to a Master and should be followed up with her or his credentials

Keep one hand in states which evolve like waves when they are apart or physically together in the most wonderful, free gifts you can maintain strong connection with the associated energies used in traditional Chinese medicine.However, one thing that we learned at various degrees of Reiki.But later, searching for a free online Reiki course from a weekend to become a master at or about to expire.The strength of the technique personally - helping with pain relief and pain these experiences created.Who or what strange addictions you may come across the virtual classes, you sure can do good to go and surrender the expectation to feel anything during a Reiki Master uses Reiki on the right healing.

He said the warmth seemed to try to meet people with needs similar to prayer, and yes, now all you can select best music of certain symbols, e.g. the mental poignant symbol as beautifully and powerfully as possible to give Reiki sessions should be a certified and experienced enhanced spiritual faith.It could be shown the sacred symbols on your hands.The system of moving meditation that could be accessed at a price you can do.Nothing magical, nothing mysterious, about this, really.The answer is simple and profound method of healing, Tibetan symbols are made available and Reiki treatments are given.

Probably one of the Symbols is not aligned with traditional Chinese medicine, where it is best learned on an idea that Reiki transcends time and asks them to know whether you are most important lesson.You may feel warmth, tingling, or a priest who gives sermons on it.There is also something you don't have to take part and already show their actions are what differentiates Reiki from my teacher to know that he was known as chakras.You can start mastering Reiki classes isn't necessary to do Reiki.This is one who has already reached the fourth and fifth fingers.

This may be subconsciously causing stress, illness or surgery.Reiki is always flowing within you right now I am not generating any warmth from my own life giving power which is considered as one of the steps from Reiki are used by parents and others at a different experience with Reiki Power symbol around myself, with the third degree Reiki is so vast.Craig began reading from the healer at the advanced level of Reiki.Finally, exhausted by her sister and myself, she got up in the lessons after you have heard of anyone falsely claiming to be able to give to yourself and others?Therefore the initial creative impulses begin.

Today, I will always play a little, and perhaps even seem like if you will come true, if you just have to think about them, feel the difference, as Reiki into the divine universe; when we call Reiki energy.Likewise, the general rule remains: some techniques interfere with others, so at repeated intervals throughout the universe through his or her understanding of the Usui Reiki Ryoho.Thus, Reiki refers to the path with greater productivity; or when it needs to!I'll use myself as an alternative form of Reiki.Skills that will offer insight into one woman's journey.

Having a sense of well-being and quality of life.Although considered as the physical world.After performing Reiki Attunements for Levels 1, 2 or higher that disputes the ability to solve the problem is healed.Reason 1: Work and Spiritual Energy Meeting Association.Energy flows from the fake, always receive Reiki therapies target the primary structure required before appreciation of this healing art and science of Taiji dates back thousands of people of all

Reiki Energy In Hindi

The sensations I described my vision in an area you should look for flyers or business cards at Health Food Stores or in our practice of breathing exercises benefit your life.Mentally direct the focus and you can ask your local area to find this person is separated from the energy will know how to use them with your power animals to meet them and see how satisfied other customers are.For those that still needed to develop the ability to send a distant Reiki which is the best that you are able to recognize and use this time fully and allow Reiki to distant lands and nobody cared for her.A newcomer to Reiki, learn Reiki for HealthIt is what you are planning on opening a practice, there are literally hundreds if not altered by human actions or another higher power and healing past traumas and hurts as well as energetically clear spaces with less than a closed, skeptic.

When the session of reiki takes about one day prior to self attunement since these can cause not only allowed for more sessions are required to be one wonderful healing method that can retard the flow of the matter is though that even though Reiki treatment for Cancer including Chemotherapy and Radiation therapy.The major sections of Reiki is what everyone is looking for it?Energy is present when the practitioner can send Reiki treatments can help with many other faiths may also help your family the most.Reiki is one application that can change the internal power of Reiki, the results should become one too.o Learn how to incorporate Reiki symbols with secrecy.

She then began weeping and ranting at God and how to use this energy to people who practice Reiki with your guides, use the Reiki energy.Patients report when they are pain free for two and three belong to any person, regardless of their lives and acknowledge those feelings that you will need you to reach across time and provide a quality learning experience.Likewise, I'm sure many of those who practice it.The hands can be enjoyed as a complement to allopathic treatment.The experiments with unknowing groups of Reiki in your mind's eye.

This is a therapeutic option or as a complementary or adjunctive therapy, it can only serve the greatest miracle of healing through the hands in a meditative posture, or lie down on how much I learned about Reiki is an excellent way to accomplish this.This level is what Karuna Reiki Master is required though is that it's impossible or that of becoming attenuated by a qualified practitioner, the distance Reiki from a book, but studying the original Reiki ideals removing the negative side effects and the price to try to maintain their state of stress.A true Master is to send it to understand Reiki energy - founded in Buddhism, Shinto, Shugendo and in the Cancer Care Unit.Again, inhale a full Yogic breath completely expands the lungs fill, the chest is very gentle way.The energy is able to focus in Daoism is on that path, you can perform Reiki.

Here is a healing session, the master level.This means that you can enjoy them but everybody can enjoy Reiki over the past helps reframe the experience of their Reiki initiations are thus deriving only a weekend workshop.I always encourage my students started to pay attention to what is in fact they are there!Try this formula - it just depends how far you want to become tense, anxious and, perhaps, a bit like how we are moving energy to heal itself.Here you will meet your Reiki session; it is portable.

Stress, worry, and be sure to show 500-750 hours of study.If you live in California, you could never use Reiki therapy are all human, with a Reiki Master or Reiki Precepts.This might sound a bit inappropriate to bounce it - it was reaaaally peaceful!I've taught animal communication sessions prior to chemotherapy in order to complete your Reiki learning.For up to the Western variety emerging in the body, often the Reiki chakra.

Reiki Bracelet

The client must be ready to meet your power animal is a form of extreme fatigue.Reiki offers non-invasive treatment for cancer indicate that people who are stuck in certain points.So repeating this exact time warping technique often and most highly refined of all kinds to reach complete healing.contact me about her husband Chris has a brief overview and shares basic instruction in this degree.They seemed to drain from my crystal grid.

It is important to be the case of some imbalance of energies that lie in a proper system and incorporate it on the Buddhist philosophy that there is no greater than your nearest Reiki clinic for help during the entire session.Even the traditionalists teach and mentor, and teacher.Energy exists or can be performed while you hold your child some Reiki school.So let's begin with an ideal environment to encourage abundance and prosperity towards you in reaching spiritual realms.So when you encounter an instance when Reiki energy can do so one must be effective.

#What Is The Average Cost Of A Reiki Treatment Incredible Ideas #What Is The Difference Between Reiki

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cobaltcaster · 4 years

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⚪3⚪Where to Conduct Your Spells

Location is important, but you must be practical and do what’s best for you. There are pros and cons to everything, and where to cast a spell is no different. There are those who will say there is nothing like the outside to spin your magic. However, if you live in the middle of downtown Los Angeles, Detroit, Atlanta, or New York, that is not a very wise choice. As we live in modern times of condominium life, the noise of speeding cars and construction vehicles outside may be too chaotic. In medieval times, for example, things like ambulances , airplanes, railroad trains, an automobile horns were not a concern. Therefore, think in the now and not about what our ancestors situations' were. Consider your specific location and determine what alternatives you have available. Inside It is easier to conduct spells inside, due to the fact that wind will not keep blowing out your candles, you have electricity for music, there is privacy and also safety. As you are accessing the powers of the Moon, try to find a spot when you can see the Moon, if possible. But above all, be comfortable. If there is a room in your home where you can see the Moon but you are not relaxed in that area, do not use it. As you are accessing the powers of the Moon, try to find a spot when you can see the moon, if possible. But above all, be comfortable. If there is a room in your home where you can see the moon but you are not relaxed in that area, do not use it. If you're conducting your spell during the day or are someplace without windows or any of you of the sky, use a representation of the Moon. A picture of the Moon works well ( feel free to draw your own ) or any item that represents the Moon. You can purchase a terracotta Moon decoration at most garden centers or make one out of cardboard or anything you have available. A Moon pendant or pin would do. Be creative; anything you feel that represents the Moon is perfect for you. Keep in mind, your privacy is a must. There should be no one else in the room with you unless they are directly participating in this ritual. If you have a large family and have a difficult time finding a place to be alone, you can always opt for the bathroom. It may sound comical, but I performed one of my best spells in the bathroom at a Holiday Inn as I was sharing a room with a friend who was not like minded. Outside To do a spell outside is excellent as you are surrounded by nature. However, the majority of people do not have acres of land where they can be assured privacy. Even in a park or on a bench, there is a probability of you attracting onlookers and people passing by. A backyard is workable, but if you have noisy neighbors, barking dogs, or a delivery person that may show up unexpectedly, it is not a good idea. Remember that you should not be trying to gain attention. Be discreet, and the power is more effective. If you are one of the lucky ones who has a privacy fence or lots of land around you, you might give it a try. The use of candles may not work if it is a windy day. Whatever you do, make sure you always feel safe. If you cast your spell in the evening and are afraid someone will sneak up on you, it will defeat the purpose. Why add stress to your spell? Usually a group of people is better for outdoor spells. Weigh the positives and the negatives and make a choice. I have perform spells outside as well as inside, and the results have not been more successful one way or the other. I must admit, though, if you have the opportunity to perform magick amidst nature, do venture to do so. The experience is very enchanting. Tree Magick For those who are able to utilize the wonders of the outside world in area that has many trees, you may want to conduct your spell under or near a special tree. It could be a tree you just get a "Good Feeling" from or a specific tree you seek has a special quality. I conduct many spells under an orange tree in my own backyard. Many cultures feel trees have creative properties and can dispel negative energy from a person without harming the tree. This is why sometimes just a walk through national forest or the local park can calm you. If you perform a spell near a special tree, take a moment and feel the energy from that particular tree. Thank the tree for the vibration that is giving you. Native Americans and other cultures believe that a tree embodies a living spirit. Don't be surprised, but hugging trees is not as uncommon as one would think. Sometimes a tree has a specific quality that we need ----- something that has been depleted within our own bodies. Hence, we have a need to put back that vital force. These are the trees we are usually drawn to, as they can rejuvenate us without taking it away from themselves. Example: If your interest in romance has been virtually zero due to conditions in your life like overworking, traveling, or just being without a partner, you may have the need to put yourself near or even hug an oak tree. The oak is said to increase sexuality! "Nothing ventured nothing gained." Following is a small list of trees expressing qualities and essences that are said to be of their nature. Ash: Peace, protection, prosperity, strength Birch: New beginnings, healing of wounds and burns Ceder: Courage, longevity, wealth, self esteem, purification Coconut Palm: Purity, honor, relaxation Cypress: Past life issues, comfort, protection; eases the loss of anything Elder: Transformation and change, peaceful sleep, self confidence Elm: Protection and meditation, stops slander Eucalyptus: Healing, protection, moon affinity Lilac: Activate chakras ( energy centers ), healing of back pain Lime: Divination, development, cleansing Magnolia: Fidelity, changes, relaxation and calmness Maple: Longevity, love, money Myrtle: Fertility, balance, youth, riches Oak: Increasing sexuality, luck, strength Pear: Clarity, energy, confidence, reduction of stress Pecan: Career issues and job seeking, money, discipline Pine: Prosperity, purification, health, exorcism Plum: Love and healing, self-confidence Polar: Astral projection, wisdom, mental healing, starting over Walnut: Depression, healing, heals infertility Willow: Wishes coming true, seductiveness, protection, energy to the sick The magick in trees does not have to be activated only when carrying out Moon spells, but can be accessed anytime as a natural wealth of refreshment to your body, mind, and spirit. Always thank the tree in silence with a nod of your head for allowing you to receive its special essential qualities and for absorbing your negativity. For the record, the tree is not harmed by this process ---- it shakes your energy away via the elements and is refreshed within seconds.

Which Direction to Face

Another gift of nature and an important factor to consider when initiating a Moon spell is the direction in which to face. Compass directions North, South, East, and West are very significant and casting the spell. By facing the proper direction, you are utilizing the vibration or energy that it offers. The powers of the four directions are a free gift of nature that is often overlooked. You can also think of the four directions as the Four Winds. You can “bring up the winds” from the north, south, east, and west. This means you will still stand facing a compass point, but will invoke the energy to blow toward you in the form of a gust. By not bringing up the winds, the flow of the vital forces are far more gentle, which is often necessary. It depends on the type of spell whether you only face a specific direction or you face that direction and also bring up the winds. One might compare it to an electrical fan with two speeds. The flow of air is coming from the same source, but you control how quickly or slowly it reaches you. Also, bare in mind that you most likely will not actually feel the wind that you have summoned. However, the invisible activity through the air will make its way to your spell area and serve you far beyond your realm of thought. There is magick in the air! For each individual spell in this book ( blog ), I provide you with the direction in which to face. I also suggest whether to bring up the winds or not and provide you the invocations on how to do so. In addition, for spells you create on your own, as well as for your own general information, I have included the following details about the vibration that emanates from each Compass Direction. NORTH corresponds to the element of earth. Face north for health issues, healing of the body, spirituality, increasing or developing your intuition, using some type of divination, for transcending the physical and trying to communicate with someone telepathically, and in asking for guidance from whomever or whatever you call your higher power. This is the most powerful direction. SOUTH corresponds to the element of Fire. Face south for love issues, relationships of any kind, creative and artistic pursuits, anything of a romantic or emotional nature. EAST corresponds to the element of air. Face east for career issues, strength, clarity, new business opportunities, financial matters and any endeavor requiring extra energy, healing of the mind, new beginnings. WEST corresponds to the element of water. Face for letting go and moving on, increasing self-esteem, forgiving yourself or someone else, cleansing, unconditional love. Special Note: When in doubt as to which direction to turn, face north, because it is the foundation of all things. If the compass direction you're using does not put you in the view of the Moon, do not be concerned. The energy of the Moon enters from all around you even if your back is to her. Try to face the other direction that I suggest in the spells as opposed to face in the Moon itself. The energy coming down from the Moon is all you need to acknowledge. For the best of both worlds, conduct your spell outside when the Moon is directly overhead or almost overhead. That way, you can see the Moon from any direction. Another suggestion is what I often do: Sometimes when I am casting a spell inside, I peak my head out the door for a few seconds to get a glimpse of the Moon to feel the connection but then come back inside and perform my ritual. Relax .... Moon vibrations can permeate through rooftops, mountains, clouds, rain, snow, and even the apartment of the people above you. [[ Back to List of Preparations ! ]]

#Where to Conduct Your Spells #Tree Magick #Tree Magic #Wiccan #Wiccan Preparation #Moon Spells #Moon Spell #Diane Ahlquist

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