#luke x mara critical

[anghraine]

Luke and Mara?

This is an easy one, I'm afraid! I do not ship them even a little bit.

1- Why don't you ship it?

For one, I didn't read most of the material they were even in. I'm into the films, and ships that involve characters that aren't even in the films are intrinsically not interesting to me (and I've never bought into the idea of "no actually there are all these other Force-users floating around as Imperial policy", then or now).

For another, I headcanon Luke as asexual, and usually as aro/ace + happily celibate and "alone" for a Skywalker value of alone. I see his bonds to Leia, Han, and Anakin (two of which are literal psychic bonds) as the most important in his life. There are some Luke ships I like in fanfic, but as far as canon goes, I don't like the idea of him in a romantic relationship with anyone and after ROTJ especially, I can't really see it.

On top of that, certain parts of the fandom pushed the pairing really hard in my first few years in SW fandom. I did not appreciate being corrected, pressured, and sent outright hate over not being into Expanded Universe-only stuff and over headcanoning Luke as aro/ace. I've never gotten more unbridled hatred in my asks over anything and I try not to let that shape what I think, but it certainly did not soften my feelings.

2- What would have made you like it?

It would really need to have been woven into the films in a satisfying way that didn't sideline Luke's other critical relationships. Mara would probably have needed to be there from ANH or at least early in ESB—not necessarily "there" in scenes with Luke, but established with a role of her own in the story so it didn't feel tacked on or obligatory. And Luke's vibes in ROTJ would also have to be pretty different.

A pretty steep task, obviously. But I've always really loved that the resolution of Luke's arc in the OT doesn't involve "getting the girl", or getting anyone in that sense. For him, the happiest possible ending is all about his relationships with his father and his sister and his friends, and it's honestly still refreshing for me to see that. So it'd have to be incredibly good in the films for me to actually ship it, even if some specific things could lessen my dislike.

3- Despite not shipping it, do you have anything positive to say about it?

From what I can tell, Mara is a pretty cool character in her own right, and her books do seem to be among the better ones. The general outline of the dynamics between Mara and Luke as far as I've osmosed them seem like they could make for a really compelling kind of enemies -> battle couple pairing if I were into that for Luke.

[dracowars]

hiii, do you take requests for luke skywalker? if you do, could i get a luke and reader fic where shes a jedi too and his close friend? she gets jealous and insecure when he starts to show interest in someone else (can be leia or someone else idm) and slowly starts distancing herself away and one day she gets hurt saving him and she thinks shes gna die so she confesses? when she wakes up she apologises and happy ending please??? Thanks!!

i'm not her | luke skywalker

pairing: luke x jedi!reader

word count: 2,1k

summary: where y/n thinks that luke is in love with someone else

a/n: i’m literally so clueless about legends, but i kind of know who mara jade is? i think? that’s why i thought it would be a nice idea to add her?? idk, don’t quote me on this lmao all i know is she has a cool purple lightsaber! thank you so much for this request, it's my first for luke <3

warnings: angst, violence, attempted murder, mentions of blood, mentions of injuries, mentions of death

universe: star wars

„You have been talking about her a lot lately, kid”, Han suddenly says out loud what everyone in the room was already thinking. A new day, a new plan to overthrow the Empire. You are in the process of developing a new tactic – in this case, you consists of General Organa, notorious pilot Han Solo and his faithful companion Chewbacca, as well as Luke Skywalker and yourself – when Luke cannot resist to bring Mara Jade into play again.

Mara Jade, the Emperor’s hand, who unscrupulously completes even the most brutal of orders from her master, is by no means to be underestimated and definitely has to be seen as a threat to the rebellion. However, she is not worth having a certain someone obsess over her that much. Ever since you have known of her existence, and by the way have crossed her path and fought her several times – Luke and you, side by side – he just cannot seem to stop mentioning her at every opportunity. He is almost enthusiastic about her and her abilities. That this unnatural obsession even catches Han’s attention has to mean something.

And the fact that Luke’s cheeks take on a light shade of red as he apparently feels caught by Han’s words only confirms all of this. The certainty you now have hurts.

The last few Jedi that still roam this galaxy are rarely encountered, and you still cannot quite understand how lucky you were to accidentally meet one of them, if not the best of them. There were times where you had to fend for yourself, you were not allowed to make any mistakes, or they would have caught on to you immediately. But suddenly you had a family, you were part of something much bigger.

Nobody can understand and relate to you better than Luke. Even though he did not know what he was destined to do from birth, you two have gone through similarly difficult times and it is nice to know that you no longer have to face the critical times ahead alone. The bond you built is based on mutual trust and respect. But the more you trained together, the more you got to know the many facets of the Force together, the more this bond of friendship became something else, something deeper.

Apparently, this feeling was only one-sided.

“I am just saying we need to keep an eye on her. She is a threat to-”

“So am I”, Han replies knowingly, arms crossed in front of his chest to underline his statement while starting a staring contest with Luke.

“Listen, we are doing it exactly the way we planned. If Jade crosses your path, well, it wouldn’t be the first time”, Leia intervenes softly, preventing the conversation from escalating any further. Neither Luke nor Han object to this suggestion, so Leia presents a short version of the plan as a wrap-up. The slight pain you feel in your heart is not noticed by anyone.

════════════

Actually, the plan was quite simple: get into the Imperial outpost unnoticed and get the information that a contact, a spy in the ranks of the Empire, hands you over. Unfortunately, the plan did not go as planned and you may not have gone quite as unnoticed as you would have liked. That violet lightsaber just appeared right in front of you, nobody could have really expected that.

Without hesitation, Luke and you draw your lightsabers, which flash green and blue in front of you as you position yourself in a suitable fighting stance, facing her. Your opponent nonchalantly twirls a strand of her red hair around her finger as she waits for the both of you to get ready. A satisfying grin curls her lips as her gaze shifts from you to Luke and lingers there.

“It has been a while”, Mara smiles, and if you did not know how ruthless this woman really is, you could almost have believed that she smiled genuinely friendly. But who are you trying to fool, this woman is the personified evil and finally must be defeated once and for all. Luke and you have already failed once, you are not going to let that happen a second time.

“It’s always nice to meet you”, Luke greets her, also giving her a smile, although you are pretty sure his is truly genuine. Another stab to your poor heart, but you try to focus on the battle ahead, tightening your grip on your lightsaber hilt which feels extremely heavy this time. She certainly will not win this time.

“I just wish our paths wouldn’t only cross when you’re about to rob the Empire”, Mara mentions amused, but at the same time her voice suddenly does not sound as friendly anymore as it did only mere seconds ago. However, the wink she gives Luke at the end of her sentence strongly suggests that she is actually flirting with him. Here. In the middle of an Imperial outpost. In front of you.

“When you two are done, I would really like to leave”, you interject now with a roll of your eyes, and even though you see Luke move his hand ever so slightly in the corner of your eye, holding it in front of you unnoticedly as if he wants to indicate that you should wait, you plainly ignore it. With quick steps you are right in front of Mara Jade and your lightsabers blaze with a bright white light as they meet. Luke, now forced to attack as well because of your attack, appears next to you and Mara uses the Force to knock you back a few meters through the air so that she only has to deal with Luke, at least for one moment.

“I should coach you soon, your tactics are ridiculous”, she mentions between movements, before you manage to get to your feet again and rejoin the fight. You are two against one and yet she has the audacity to make fun of your fighting style.

“No, but no thank you”, you answer promptly and although you are now fighting her at the same time, she does not seem to mind at all. The dark side of the Force that completely surrounds her seems to give her so much power that she can easily take on both of you. Every time you think you are about to wound her with your glowing blade, she finds another way to prevent you from actually doing so. Luke’s green lightsaber spins around and meets her purple blade at the same instant as yours. Together you try to bring her down, but she suddenly lets herself sink on one knee and pulls Luke’s legs away with her other leg, causing him to fall to the ground with a loud thud. With a quick flick of her wrist, her lightsaber is dangerously close to you all of a sudden, forcing you to take a few steps back.

Mara uses this to her advantage, getting you into trouble when your back hits the wall behind you, disarming you with one deft move, your lightsaber falling to the ground, the blue light disappearing. Holding the violet blade directly in front of your face, you only now realize how difficult it is to breathe. However, you do not have much time to think about your rapid breathing when she raises her other arm, lifting Luke, who was just about to rush to your aid, off the ground. Groaning and gasping for air, his saber falls to the ground as well, and he instinctively grabs his throat with his hands, as if by doing so he could keep her from fully blocking his airpipe.

Watching Luke’s skin grow pale, your gaze wanders, frantically searching for a way out. With a deadly blade at your own throat, it is not easy to focus properly, but you understand that the only way out is to take risks. If you do not risk it, she will kill him for sure.

Without thinking about it another second, scared that you might regret your decision, you reach into the air and use the Force to pull Luke’s lightsaber towards you, immediately igniting it and catching Mara Jade off guard. In distress, she lets go of Luke to put her saber between you in the last moment, preventing you from piercing her with the green blade. Breathing heavily, you push against her strength while keeping an eye on Luke, who is desperately gasping for air on the floor. His miserable state gives you the power to disarm Mara Jade with one swift movement, her lightsaber rolling over the floor to Luke’s side.

However, when blaster shots suddenly echo around the walls the next moment, distracting your attention for the split of a second, and you see Han and Chewbacca escaping with the needed information, you only feel the excruciating pain as a vibroblade disappears into your abdomen. Immediately, you fall over, screaming in pain. Tears uncontrollably stream down your cheeks, and you put one trembling hand over your bleeding wound while you reach for the lightsaber with the other, but to no avail. You cannot reach the Force, it is as if nothing is left of it around you.

Looking up at Mara Jade, her evil glittering eyes are fixed on only you, a murderous lust in her eyes that makes you shudder.

Before she can severely hurt you even more, however, she is suddenly pushed away from you and against the wall, the impact jerking through her entire body. Trying to control your rapid breath, you watch as Luke approaches her with your blue lightsaber after she regained her balance, now clearly enraged. Luke, on the other hand, now has an aura around him that you cannot quite grasp and maybe you are just imagining it, the pain clouding your senses, but he suddenly seems different, more dangerous than ever. He dodges Mara’s attacks with ease and throws her through the air like she is nothing, the vein in his neck throbbing with anger.

The pain that keeps spreading from your wound through your whole body makes it extremely difficult for you to follow the fight as you try to somehow stop the excessive bleeding. That is why you do not understand why Luke suddenly bends over your trembling figure, carefully placing your head on his thigh.

“Luke, watch out, J-Jade-”, you stutter out, tears blocking your vision and pain clouding your mind.

“Sshh.. She can’t hurt you anymore”, Luke whispers to you, one of his hands on your cheek while the other lifts your own from your wound, before placing his own on top of it. He maintains eye contact with you and orders you to keep your eyes open, but he keeps looking down for a short amount of time, presumably assessing how bad your injury is. The pain you endure during this is unbearable and it feels like she severed your entire lower body. Your pupils no longer focus properly on your surroundings and all you feel is pain.

“I’ll pick you up carefully, alright? I’ll be very careful-”

“L-Luke, wait”, you stop him and grab his hand with your remaining strength so he cannot get on his feet to pick you up. If this is the end, then you cannot leave this galaxy until he knows how you truly feel. You would never forgive yourself. Just for once you want to know how it feels to say the words out loud.

“I love you”, you choke out, the words somehow rolling off your tongue, and for that brief moment when you look him straight in the eyes, you see clearly, and the pain goes away.

“You idiot! Stop saying stuff like that!? Save your strength and-”

“B-But-”

“I want you to tell me that again when you’re feeling well, are you listening?!”, Luke calls out to you from afar, his words ringing in your head as you feel a gentle shake on your body. “I love you too, Y/N. Promise me you’ll hold out long enough so I can tell you a lot more how much I actually love you.”

Closing your eyes with a soft smile on your lips, his words fade from your mind and the world around you darkens. The next time you open them, your head is pounding and the constant annoying beeping of one of the medical devices does not help at all. Just as you are about to get upset, you feel a weight on your right hand and your heart melts as you look over.

Luke’s head is on your hospital bed, his eyes closed, his breath low and his hair tousled in all directions, but his hand is inseparable intertwined with yours.

He has been here the whole time, waiting for the moment he can tell you how deeply he is in love with you, how he has always been and always will be.  

[moonlayl]

Luke: you need me to bail you out, I'll be right there.

Mara: you really are a square, aren't you?

Luke: harsh, but...yes :)

[gritsandbrits]

I did another ting.

[myevilmouse]

If you are still doing the writing asks, 10, 28, and 31!

I am still doing the writing asks, so thank you so much for asking me @das-flamingo! I appreciate the opportunity to share some thoughts and kill some time with you this evening! 😘

10.  Top three favourite fic tropes.

Oh what a fun question!  And I never know what to call things so I went to tv tropes to figure out what my “name kink” as I usually call it is, because that is the first one that came to mind.  According to the ‘net, my name kink is actually the trope “Significant Name Shift” and I SWOON for this and love reading and writing it.  My OTP Luke/Mara and my evil OTP Thryce both fit so well into this. 

For Luke and Mara it’s when she goes from “Skywalker” to “Luke” but it REALLY is fun with the Grand Admiral and Governor because you have levels of significant name shift here, really.  You can drop titles (from “Governor Pryce” to “Pryce”) and then you get to move to “Arihnda” from there! 

And it works with Thrawn and all the ladies, really, they have to deal with his rank or if it’s a fraternization ship, we get to drop Ensign or Commander or Commodore or whatever I LOVE IT!  I always always make it a bit deal how Thrawn says Pryce’s name and how weird she finds saying his without the title and I adore it so much.  OK I stop gushing now. Clearly a fave.

Second, I have to say “there was only one bed” although I haven’t written it much (I combined it with “huddling for warmth”, which is a classic for a reason!), in my fic Catalysts.  This trope just melts my butter.

And I guess third, I will say language tropes.  I love languages and work "fake" foreign language as much as possible into my fic, it’s so damn sexy, I call it my language kink.  So you will find lots of Cheunh, obviously, but also I have written fics featuring Ryl, Sith, Mando’a, Aqualish, and probably some more.  Languages are SO FUN I love the nuance and depth they can bring to a relationship, particularly language learning and cultural differences uncovered through language.

28.  Any writing advice that works for you and you feel like sharing?

I love this question and also hate it, because it reminds me of how different we all are and how useless I personally find most so-called “writing advice” to be.  But I humbly offer the following:

First, my best advice for writing is “just do it.”  If you have time and the inclination, write!  Sit down and get started and see what happens.  As a pantser, that is what makes the most sense to me.  No need for every detail, even a plot, just like “I’m going to write about X for a while” and GO!

The second piece of advice I have is “read”.  And, snob that I am, allow me to suggest you read the 'good' stuff, the “literature” that wins awards, the stuff that is on book lists for a reason.  You might be surprised how absolutely gorgeous language can be (I tend to love the classics and bemoan the quality of most popular fiction today) but also how gripping and beautiful those books can be with pure storytelling.  But definitely also read the fun stuff, the stuff you like that is “beneath” the critics or curricula.  I absolutely adore some horribly written books, but whenever people ask me how I learned to write I basically have to admit I owe it all to the amazing writers I grew up reading.  The more you read, the better you will write, I am 100% certain of this as an equation.

Oh and a bonus piece of advice:  feel free to ignore ALL advice!  Do what works for you, whatever that may be.  If you need moodboards or outlines or index cards or playlists or dark corners or a set schedule or whatever, that’s all perfect and valid and don’t let anyone tell you differently.  If you do something different every time, great!  If you hate to read but love to write, go for it!  No one knows what works best for you better than you!

31.  What was the most difficult fic for you to write (but in the end you made it)?

Most fics, thankfully, are not a chore, but a pleasure to get out of my brain.  I am so lucky that my muse is an ever-present, sometimes uncooperative bitch, but I do have an answer for this question!  Command Performance.  It was my first published fic on AO3 for Luke/Mara, my first foray into the “modern” world of fanfiction, and I wrote it as a gift for a very talented @teagrl who also generously served as a supportive cheerleader and demanding beta.  There were some pushes and pulls along the way (particularly setting up the scenario) and I learned a great deal from the experience.  I wanted to write a non-con-esque fic (in this case a fantasy Mara’s handsome husband is willing to fulfill) and apart from the darker themes that go along with that, I had never had a beta before and so it was a whole new world of edits and suggestions and brilliant ideas that made it challenging and much more work and time than I had anticipated.  Then of course there was the absolute terror of posting it once it was ready and wondering what would happen.  Thankfully what happened is I made some amazing fandom friends, was blessed by generous readers who supported me, and here I am 100 years later with a tumblr and everything and getting awesome asks from people like you!  And this was a great selection of questions, thank you so much again @das-flamingo! You agree with me right Luke?

The writing asks are here if anyone else would like to ask!

[jedimordsith]

You mentioned that you've come to have more empathy for Yoday but still wouldn't recommend him as a direct master for anyone. What were/are your biggest issues with him? There are several I could guess, and probably some I agree with, but I don't want to assume.

Ahahahaha. I’m in a ranty mood this week, so it’s a great time to tackle this ask! Here’s more than anyone ever wanted to know about my Yoda Feels. 

My problems with Yoda come down to a couple things. 

We have entirely different learning/teaching styles. 

I have zero tolerance for cryptic shavit when there’s *actual communication* that needs to happen. 

A lot of Yoda’s behaviors make sense when viewed in the context of the PT but I formed most of my opinions based on the OT before the PT was a Thing. 

I don’t agree with the approach Yoda took in swanning off to Dagobah post RotS. AT ALL. 

Different Learning/Teaching Styles

(In ESB) Yoda very much follows the Greek and Buddhist styles of teaching where masters ask questions that don’t necessarily have solid answers. This is a valid style and something @atamascolily consistently captures gorgeously in her fics. It also absolutely makes me want to stab people. 

I’m like Mara Jade: a task-oriented learner. I want to know what I’m supposed to learning/mastering, why, how I’ll demonstrate success, and what the checkpoints are along the way. Meandering philosophical debates as part of an ill-defined training process are maddening. As noted, as I get older I am more accepting of this as a legit style and just not for me; this makes Yoda more sympathetic as a character but not any less annoying. 

Also, when Luke asks honest and reasonable questions in ESB (like “why”) Yoda shuts him down flat and I’m extremely not okay with that. Luke is being genuine and respectful despite his own frustrations and as someone who is committing his life to the Jedi path he has both a right and a need to know things. Demanding blind faith when there are or should be reasonable answers of some kind is Not Okay. 

Just Communicate Dammit!

With Ben Kenobi and Bail Organa gone, Yoda was the only person around holding a lot of key information. Did he share that information? Nope. He wandered around being a cryptic little troll “because Luke wasn’t ready” despite knowing full well that his health was failing. He gave Luke none of the information he actually needed to make informed decisions and didn’t even freaking write anything down!!  

From a Doylist perspective, this is obviously largely because George Lucas et al hadn’t figured out any of the backstory yet. From a Watsonian perspective, this is unforgivable. 

If your time is short (as his time with Luke was destined to be no matter how things went), it is critically important to be clear and use your time well. Yoda just didn’t. 

Obnoxious Troll vs Grandpa Frog

The PT very much sets Yoda up as Grandpa Frog, a beloved grandfather figure who teaches the younglings regularly and who everyone understands as mischievous but loving. Viewed in that sense, a lot of how he treats Luke in ESB makes sense… but it doesn’t make it okay. 

The younglings at the Temple literally grew up around the Force and Yoda. Luke did not. Luke didn’t even know WTF the Force was until he was almost 20. He got like 24 hours of introduction to it before Ben died. Compliments of Palpatine and the Purge and the war, there is almost no information available to him between ANH and ESB except what he figures out himself. Yet Yoda treats him like a disappointment and a failure for not understanding the scope of the Force and having doubts about its power. 

Guess what? If Luke had grown up in the Temple, yeah, he’d be all about raising X-wings out of swamps. But he didn’t. He grew on repressed for his own safety on a farm in the middle of nowhere without a hint of a clue. 

Now, through the lens of the PT, I can see Luke being a frustrating student for Yoda. He’s used to getting younglings who have been exposed to and trained in the Force by a range of other Jedi. Starting with an older student suffering from a ton of trauma and without any of the basics that he has to train in less than a fraction of the time shaping a Jedi would normally take is a massive undertaking and he’s old and tired besides. The whole family history with Vader wouldn’t make it any easier. 

But you know what? Luke is young. He left his found family in the middle of a war and is undergoing hugely stressful training in the middle of a swamp so that he can shoulder even bigger burdens. Yoda has had 20 years of (mostly) downtime to deal with his own trauma and at least several hundred years of practice being a teacher and a leader. He’s the one in a position to improve things and accommodate and he doesn’t. I’m not okay with that. 

Let’s Talk About That Downtime BTW

Again, from a Doylist perspective, I get why Yoda was hanging out on Dagobah, why he used things like visions to communicate with people like Kanan, Ezra, etc. periodically, and why he was Luke’s mentor in ESB/RotJ. 

From a Watsonian view, though, I’m not freaking impressed. He was the Grandmaster. He was heartbroken over the Jedi and Padawans he couldn’t save. But what did he do for the remaining ones spread across the galaxy? Shavit, that’s what. Kanan, Cal Kestis, Feris Olan, all the Jedi/Padawans who got kidnapped and twisted into Inquisitors — they were on their freaking own while Yoda swanned off to Dagobah. 

Oh, sure, he’d pop up in a vision here or there or whatever, but he had a safe place. And, apparently, the ability to reach at least some of them some of the time (see: visions and his connections to people like Bail Organa). Do I think any of those people probably wanted to live on Dagobah? Not particularly. But I think they’d have appreciated the safety and the chance to reconnect with what remained of their Jedi family, even if only briefly. 

But no. Yoda hangs out, waiting for the day the twins are old enough to take on the responsibility to kill Vader/Palpatine and then… does nothing?! He just keeps hanging out even after both Luke and Leia have lost everything, lets them get all settled into the Rebellion without a word, and THEN has the nerve to be cranky and disgruntled when he actually does get one of them to train!! 

YOU MADE CHOICES YOU LITTLE FROG TROLL. DON’T TAKE THEM OUT ON THE PEOPLE YOU DENIED CHOICES FOR 20 YEARS. 

I’m Not Entirely Without Compassion, I Swear

*sigh* I have seen a lot of Yoda meta in recent years that makes me appreciate Yoda for what he was during the PT. He really *was* everybody’s loving Grandpa who worked for centuries to love on the Jedi, protect them, and take care of them well. He legit wanted all of them to be happy and safe… and his suffering when the Purge happened must have been unimaginable. Like Luke and Leia, he lost everything. 

Unlike the twins, he didn’t get to rebuild or find a new family. While I believe what we have in the EU suggests he found peace and solace and a new home of Dagobah that was genuinely soothing to his wounded soul, he was alone and (whether he was or not) he did feel mostly helpless to do anything for his few scattered Jedi grandchildren who remained and suffered across the galaxy. He did face decisions in which there *weren’t* good, clear-cut answers. 

I think if I’d met him first in the PT or meta I might have liked him better. But I still wouldn’t ever recc him as a Master for any character I like because I can’t imagine learning under him being an experience I would ever wish on anyone simply based on my own vehement loathing for his personal teaching style. I know there are people in the world who would thrive on that approach and I like to think I’ve got a good imagination, but I simply can’t conceptualize it as a positive, productive experience. 

*As an end note, if you DO like Yoda or want to like him better please go read @atamascolily‘s fics, seriously. You’ll love them!

[lucyskywalker]

I believe it is a bit difficult to believe, but after seeming so many posts about "you ship JonRya/Jonsa, you probably wanna sleep with your brother"

This is uwwww. Wrong.

I've seen tons of shows and movies, and actually, I believe of all the ships I have ever had(and it is really a lot), just two were actually incestuos.

JonRya(ASoIaF)

YuMe(Vampire Knight Manga/Anime)

All the other fandoms, I don't ship incest because everything I see is pure platonic love? No chemistry at all? Includding Supernatural with the called "Wincest". I don't like it, and by all the logic of why I love JonRya /one dying for one another, the longing, co-dependence, a bit of non-healthy obcession/, I should also ship Dean and Sam. But no. They are brothers for me, and for me, they will always be brothers. Destiel have my whole heart and soul. Even being in JonRya fam for so long, I was truly surprised that there were people that shipped Wincest. Kind of: Nop. Nop. That is gross and not for. Creepy. (IK it is a bit hypocrite, but I truly don't care. It is the way I feel.)

Another incest(Pevensie x Pevensie) I was traumatized after seeing this tag on ao3, and accidently reading on ff.net believing was just a sister-brother bond fluff. Really traumatized.

(Fanfiction.net should really improve their filters.)

Because the pevensies are siblings. S I B L I N G S, and no matter what those people say I cannot see them other way.

Anakin x Ahsoka? I actually got nauseus after seeing this, because even not being related, they loved one another as siblings too, and they never showned anything else. Anakin was like Ahsoka's big brother. Also guys, AniDala is life and tragedy, and I really have drawned with this ship. (All the tears, omg.)

Homecest? 🤢🤮

Obikin? For me, both Anakin and Obi Wan would be ashamed seeing those, because Obi Wan was basically a father figure in Anakin's life, and Obi Wan called him brother.

Leia x Luke? Meh. Nop. Never. Ever. In. My. Life. Luke x Mara and Han x Leia is everything.

There are contless anothers, but those ones I'm focusing now are because they are the ones I'm more into the fandom recently.

I truly believe all the incest ships, actually needs a background to start being shipped wildly or actually, that we start shipping at all.

In ASoIaF for exemple, there are countless Incest relationships, and not just in the Targaryen family(there are in the Lannisters, not being only Cercei x Jaime, it is in the Stark family as well, but not between siblings, probaly with the Arryns, Tyrrels, Martells and Tullys too, but Im not sure) and it is an open thesis through out the whole saga, what makes the readers more open to the idea of something happening between relatives than in any other fandom.

Like Jonarya, Jonerys and the worst: Jonsa.

I believe that with being a part of the fictional world where the characters live and it is all the time being showned on paper, we just put aside the familiar bond, and start just looking if a future relationship would be "healthy" or "toxic" with the same standards we analyse other couples that are not related and the characters toughts about anothers can become much more than just familiar.

Exemple: "Beneath all this furr she could be as skinny as Arya"

It is a question of enviroment of the world building, how our brains deal with the information and with wich couple we are more syntonized, that atracts us more. Like: From Childhood friends to lovers being truly sweets, protectives towards one another, or the enemies to lovers of great leaders joining to one another for a greater cause becoming an incredible power couple, or just... Well... The hot guy with the hot girl kind of thing.

This why I feel that is really dumb to actually criticize pointing problems for someone else's real life just because they enjoy something in fiction.

Do you judge someone who actually stan the Joker, for exemple? Batman? Dark stories? Someone that enjoys horror movies? Shooting games? Do you believe those people will actually take a blade and snipers and become serial killers, vigilants, just because they enjoy fiction?

There are studies of psychology about it, and is really something interesting to study.

Im just talking and talking and I believe this is getting confusing, but is just a theory.

Toughts?

Anyway, bye.

[atamascolily]

An Appointment in Sawarra, 5/?

As Luke prepares to leave Coruscant, Mara comes to say good-bye. 

(one two three four)

Luke was halfway through his final maintenance checks when he caught sight of Mara out of his peripheral vision and yanked his head out of the half-open repulsor unit. He'd sent her a message earlier this morning about pausing their training sessions in his absence--but he hadn't expected her to come in person to see him off.

In contrast to Luke's standard-issue orange flight suit, and his staticky hair from the repulsor coils, Mara was poised and polished, clearly on her way to yet another business meeting. Her impeccably tailored black jumpsuit was crisp and professional, as was the high bun and iridescent silver earrings, but the lightsaber and stylish yet functional boots set her apart from the career bureaucrats at a glance. It was a costume every bit as calculated as one of Leia's diplomatic gowns, with the same practiced illusion of effortless ease that bespoke countless hours of labor behind the scenes to put in place.

Yet he knew Mara well enough to catch the flicker of--something--across her face as she surveyed pilot and X-wing with a critical eye, before it was swallowed up by the usual sardonic smile. "Leaving already, Skywalker? That was fast, even for you. Where's your R2 unit?"  

"Artoo isn't coming with me this time," Luke said. He slammed the repulsor unit panel shut, shoving the hydrospanner into the pocket of his flight suit. "The Sawarrans have a thing against foreign droids, apparently. I'll be lucky if they speak any Basic."

"Huh," Mara said. "Sawarra, is it?"

"You know about it?"

She shrugged. "Never heard of it before I got your note, but it's a big galaxy, and Karrde's got lots of contacts out there. This one must be from well before I joined his organization, or else I'd have heard about her by now." She shifted her weight--and with it, the subject. "Well, things are going to be different around here without you, Skywalker. A lot quieter, for one."

"Maybe that's good," he said, trying to lighten the mood. "A little more room in your schedule without our training sessions crammed in there, huh?"

"I appreciate the sentiment, but in my experience, the workload expands to fill the time available."

Luke didn't know what to say. Awkward silence ticked out as he scrambled to come up with anything cogent. "I'll be back before you know it," he managed.

There it was again--the faintest hesitation before she spoke. "I have a feeling you may be gone longer than you think."

"A premonition from the Force?" he asked carefully, studying her face. "Or just a hunch?"  

"I don't know <i>what</i> it is," she said. "But don't worry. The galaxy will get along just fine without you for a while. You're not indispensable."

Luke smiled. "Right. Especially with you and Leia around to cover for me."

"I suppose. Unless the Empire has a better offer."

"Really?" He stared at her, startled at wistfulness that had crept into her voice. "I thought you and Karrde were in this for the long haul. After what Thrawn and C'baoth did to you--"

"I'm kidding, Skywalker," Mara said quickly, brushing off his concern. "I may not always like the New Republic, but as I've said before, it's the future now, not whatever sad, pathetic remnants of the Empire remain."

He shook himself. "Right. Right. Of course." More awkward silence stretched out as he scrambled to recover his bearings.

"Well, it won't be so bad to spend a few weeks away if it means I can make some headway with the uneti seeds," he said at last. Forests don't grow overnight, and neither will the Jedi order. It's a long game."

"And so are business and politics. Yes, I know," Mara said. "But Skywalker--"

"Yes?"

"May the Force be with you," she said at last, with a slight bow of her head.

Luke echoed the gesture back at her, more deeply this time. "You, too, Mara. You, too."

[dalekofchaos]

Sequel Trilogy, Wasted Potential and what could’ve been

This post is where I look at what could’ve been done with the characters of the Sequel Trilogy and comparing to what they chose to do. I will be doing this for Rey, Finn, Poe, Rose, Kylo, Hux, Phasma, Snoke, Luke, Han and Leia. This will be both TFA and TLJ critical, there is no holding back.

List of ways they could’ve handled Rey in the Sequel Trilogy

Give Rey a different setting. Listen, absolutely no one cared about having another desert planet. So I think if you gave Rey an aquatic planet or an Amazonian planet, I really think it would help improve the story without anyone accusing you of ripping off the original trilogy.

Let Rey have a character arc. Rey starts off as a mix of Han Solo and Jyn Erso. Someone who only cares about her own survival and is consumed by her own trauma but learns to overcome her trauma, start caring for other people and something bigger than herself. That would’ve been the perfect character arc for Rey.

Rey would sell BB-8 for food, then fight to get him back.   It doesn’t work that she would be selfless and was willing to pass up all that food for a droid she just met. So I think it would help if she had sold BB-8 and later after meeting Finn, she learns of the importance of the droid and she feels guilt and fights to get BB-8 back. That I think would’ve improved her arc in TFA

Show that Rey is still learning piloting a starship and have Han teaching Rey how to fly proper. Rey will mention that she flew simulations on Jakku, but realizes flying simulations is different than flying for real. This will give us a nice scene of Han mentoring Rey in flying the Falcon.

When returning to D’Qar, showing Rey going to the infirmary with Finn, while Leia hugs Chewie. Rey’s concern should be to make sure Finn is okay, we didn’t need to see an unearned hug between two characters who didn’t know each other.

Have a meaningful mentor and student relationship with Luke and Rey. Luke reaches out after R2 and seeing so much of himself in Rey. It is more important to have a Rey and Luke strong mentor-apprentice relationship than having Rey have a connection with Kylo Ren. It should be about training Rey and establishing a relationship between Luke and her. It was said their relationship would be the heart of the film, so my suggestion is do just that. Focus on Rey and Luke having an actual relationship with each other and her training. Rey needs to be trained in the force to be a believable character. Even Anakin, Ahsoka, and Luke himself were given training and time to become skilled and powerful. Instead of just copying Yoda and old man Obi’s personality into him, do something we have never seen before in a Jedi Master in the movies: make Luke humorous, lighthearted, make Luke lecture Rey ON the importance of attachments and understanding the darkness just as much is the light. It would also create a parallel to what Snoke is teaching Kylo. Have Luke show Rey how to feel the force. Even show Luke teaching Rey to craft her own Lightsaber. Rey could finally make her Saberstaff with Yellow or Purple Crystal and teach Rey that attachments can lead you to the dark side if you let them, but they won’t lead you to darkness if you control your emotions. 

Reveal that Rey is Luke Skywalker and Mara Jade’s daughter. After Rey falls into the dark side cave, Luke finds her and brings her near the fire and is there to comfort her. Then the revelation happens. Rey says “I’ve never felt so alone.” And we get Luke telling her “the force is strong in my family. My father had it, I have it, my sister has it and my daughter has it” “There is a reason you dreamed of this place.” “You were never meant to be left on Jakku…I thought you died the night in the academy.” “All those years. I was so alone.” “I know. I’m sorry.” “Did you ever try to find me?” “Of course. For so long I searched the galaxy for you. Everyone said that you had died that night in the temple, that I should give up searching. But through the force, I could still feel you. I knew you were still alive. Every face I seen, it was your. Every voice I heard, it was yours. It drove me crazy. I came to this island, turned away from the force because it was so hard. Feeling that you were somewhere in the galaxy and being unable to find you. Seeing you in front of me right now… I’ve never felt so lucky.” And Rey with tears in her eyes. “I waited so long for you and your finally here” they embrace, father and daughter reunited.” Rey then asks about her mother. Luke sadly says “her name was Mara Jade and she loved you very much.” Rey why she was left on Jakku. “Because of your cousin Ben, Kylo Ren.”  Luke tells her that after a decade of training Ben, and fighting to keep the dark side at bay, Ben turned to the dark side because his family kept the secret that Darth Vader was his grandfather. He still wanted to help his nephew and save him from Snoke. One night he went to him to talk to him, Ben saw this as Luke being afraid of his power and Ben was the one to strike first. And then he woke up to see the other Jedi Masters dead. His wife Mara Jade dead and even the younglings dead. Only six other Jedi left with Ben, those who would become the Knights Of Ren. Rey left with Ben because she trusted her cousin and she couldn’t find Luke or Mara.  and Ben left her on Jakku where no one would ever find her because a part of him couldn’t kill his cousin.

Rey and Luke together go to The Supremacy after they both feel Leia and Finn in danger. Rey flies the Falcon, while Luke lifts his old X-Wing and head to the Supremacy to face Snoke. Rey will pose as bait, while Luke sneaks aboard The Supremacy.  Rey is brought before Kylo Ren and Snoke. Snoke taunts that today hope dies and The Resistance dies. But what happens next, Luke enters the throne room. “MASTER SKYWALKER! AT LAST WE MEET” Snoke will echo through his throne room. The Praetorian Guards will attack, but Luke kills them easily with the force. Luke will say he’s come to save his apprentice, his sister and the rebellion. And finally what we’ve been waiting for Luke vs Snoke. Snoke takes out the true Darksaber, while Luke takes out his Green Lightsaber. The master of the light and master of the dark. And we have the rematch between Rey and Kylo. This time Kylo appears stronger. He is dominating Rey in the fight. Kylo will tell her “you should have accepted my offer, scavenger” “Rey will say “I’ll never join you!” Kylo with the famous Solo snark will say “pity” and cuts  Rey’s hand off. Luke enraged will use the force to knock Kylo out. Finally Luke defeats Snoke. Luke will take Rey with him. As the hyperspace ramming happens, the Falcon is there to pick up Rey. Luke leaves on his X-Wing to guide Rey to safety.

Rey awakens and senses Finn nearby on Crait. As Luke is fighting Kylo, Rey knows while injured, she has to lift the rocks in order to save Finn and The Resistance. Finally Rey embraces Finn, reunited again. The movie ends with Rey getting her mechanical hand and joins Luke and Leia. Leia places her hand over her and Luke’s hands and say “we have everything we need”

What They chose to do with Rey instead

Choose to have Rey on a desert planet again....for reasons

Rey is good natured and selfless for no reason or build up whatsoever. My issue with this it makes no sense considering that Rey grew up on Jakku, a dog eat dog world. She had no reason to be selfless on that planet. I do love Rey, but it really makes no sense that a person who was raised on a ruthless and violent planet of thieves and scavengers, abandoned and lived the life of a scavenger who barely makes enough to survive would give up all that food for a droid she just met.

Rey perfectly flies The Falcon despite not flying a ship. In the movie she says she’s never flown before and doesn’t know how she did it. In The novel she says she flew ships at night and flight simulations. That’s all well and good, but if you choose to explain things in the novel, but not in the movie. Then you deliberately chose not to explain how a scavenger who never leaves the planet knows how to fly the Millennium Falcon.

She pulls off maneuvers and mechanical tricks that not even Han Solo could think of and a scene later he is dumbfounded and astonished by Rey

Rey hugs Leia. Leia hugging Rey out of nowhere instead of Chewie just doesn’t work. Why is she hugging and grieving with someone she just met when Chewie is right there?

Daisy doesn’t think Rey should have any flaws and that’s a problem

Rey has a connection and starts to trust Kylo Ren...when only ONE DAY passes since Kylo has tortured her, killed Han Solo, and injured Finn. There’s a difference between being “forgiving” and there’s being blindly gullible. She went from wanting to kill him to believing he’s “our last hope”....for reasons.

Rey’s stupidity in TLJ. Rey’s plan. Rey has some vision of Kylo Ren deciding to help her out and locks herself in a box to fly straight to him, with no escape plan or regard for her own safety. As bad as JJ chose to develop Rey, I will admit that Rey is adaptable. Rey makes plans and strategizes. She has been raised as a scavenger, working hard for every day of survival and fighting for every item in her possession. While Luke and Anakin throw caution to the wind in order to succeed, Rey keeps a level head and fights her way through things. TLJ acts like that version of Rey doesn’t exist.

Rey has no character arc in TLJ.  Rey doesn’t learn anything and I don’t feel like she has a character arc or journey. She starts her journey in TFA and I was excited to learn where her character would go. And TLJ does nothing with Rey.  I do love Rey, but I don’t feel like it truly tests Rey and forces her to grow as a character. Rey is intriguing and we care for her, but her journey feels non existent.  Luke and Anakin had struggles and journeys.  I just don’t feel it from Rey. I am really disappointed with how TLJ handles Rey. Rey doesn’t have any struggles. Rey is all powerful and she is the same character she is from TFA. Everything TFA was building her up was instantly ignored.  How Maz got the Skywalker lightsaber? Never mentioned again. How Rey was drawn to the Skywalker lightsaber and what the force vision was meant to mean? Never addressed. Rey says that she’s classified information, “none of your business” Then her parents are revealed as junk traitors who sold her for drinking money and died in Jakku. If her parents were just junkers, how did they afford that space ship if they spent the money on booze? Rey herself told BB-8 she was classified information. All that build up for nothing. The force can come from anyone, we all feel it but you build Rey up only to do nothing with her. Whatever TFA was building up for Rey was dropped entirely.  My big issue with how TLJ handles Rey, is she does not learn anything. She was awakened by Kylo’s mind melding and has his powers transferred to her, she doesn’t even earn her powers on her own, it’s all from Kylo. Your big feminist icon has to get her powers from the man who’s been harassing her. How empowering....please kill me. She doesn’t learn anything from Luke and she feels like the same character in The Force Awakens. We see Luke showing Rey to feel the force and the Jedi’s hubris. The third lesson was deleted, but we did not really get to see Luke train her as a Jedi. Rey doesn’t learn anything. Rey even defeats Luke... In the end we see Rey has the sacred Jedi texts, but Yoda pointed out that those texts were holding back the Jedi and doesn’t teaches her what she doesn’t already know. SO in the end, Rey doesn’t learn anything and that’s the problem. And the big problem is we are expected that Rey will learn everything off screen....that’s the problem. You cannot just have a character who can do all these amazing feats, show her not being trained as a Jedi and make her even more powerful in the final movie with no build up whatsoever.

Rey in TROS teaser looks like nothing ever changed. The same type of outfit from The Force Awakens, the same Lightsaber and the same hairstyle. Like nothing ever happened or changed. Like nothing ever changed. God forbid Rey looks like a mix of a Jedi Knight and Resistance Leader, godforbid Rey builds her own lightsaber, especially a Saberstaff. It’s almost as if JJ and Lucasfilm are afraid to develop Rey as a character and let her look different at all....*sighs*

Rey has no development or arc. Rey is not allowed to have flaws or personal struggles or has a real hero’s journey.  Which is disappointing because I truly loved having Star Wars be centered around a female lead and feel like it’s a missed opportunity. It’s not Daisy’s fault, I feel like the blame lies with Disney. I’m not sure if Disney got cold feet with a female protagonist and felt they would get backlash if they made her character naturally flawed but it’s storytelling 101 to have your protagonist faced with problems that aren’t easy to overcome and correlate to said flaws. Instead we got a hero who faces no real consequences, has no real goals, and can defeat everything in her path with abysmal training. Which ultimately makes for an extremely uninteresting hero. No hard training, no real consequences, no real flaws, no struggles or not even an arc and everything is handed to her. It just makes Episode IX predictable and boring. Rey will defeat Kylo again to no one’s surprise. There is just not a reason to care to see what will happen with Rey. I’m more invested to see what happens with Finn, Poe, Rose and Jannah. I just lost any and all investment in Rey after TLJ. Rey just doesn’t feel like a reason to even want to watch Episode IX and Disney just failed Rey as a character.

List of ways they could’ve handled Finn in TLJ

Have Finn lead a Stormtrooper rebellion

Have Finn be fully committed to The Resistance. It is shown through cut material that Finn was in Cobalt Squadron uniform. Have Finn be with Paige, have Paige and Finn have a short friendship(this actually gives Ngo Thanh Van speaking lines), Paige being in awe that Finn, someone who escaped The First Order helped The Resistance destroy Starkiller Base is working with him and she is more than happy to show him the ropes. They are co-pilots of a Y-Wing(those bombers were stupid and we all know it) Finn was able to save Paige from dying in space and instead she dies in his arms while leaving a bloody handprint on his heart, working as a callback to when Slip died in Finn’s arms and left a bloody handprint on his helmet and her last words being “tell my sister I love her. Finn brings the bad news to Rose and gives Rose Paige’s pendant. Rose breaks down and hugs Finn. Both Finn and Rose have a good relationship at this point and there is no pointless hostility. You could even have Finn and Rose together finding the hacker and having their plan succeed and just having DJ betray them as they make it to the escape pod. And Finn and Phasma do have their fight, but keep in the deleted Phasma death scene

Finn and Poe go to Canto Bight in order to find Rose Tico, the Resistance hacker. 

Finn and Rose’s mission is to find the master codebreaker. The Master Codebreaker they are meant to find is none other than Lando Calrissian. Lando is the person Finn and Rose are meant to get help from. They leave with DJ, but Lando was expecting to meet two members from the Resistance, so he leaves Canto Bight and on his way out he gets Leia’s message and mobilizes old friends from the Rebellion(a cameo from Wedge Antilles) and goes to give the Resistance some reinforcements. We then see a little reunion with Lando, Leia and Chewbacca and Lando revealing that he was who Finn and Rose were meant to meet. 

KEEP IN THE FUCKING DELETED FINN AND PHASMA SCENE, GOOD FUCKING GOD.

Cut the battle of Crait entirely. It was a pointless copy and paste of the Battle Of Hoth, only with salt instead!! And Finn knew full well his suicide run would not work. He was familiar with First Order weaponry, so Finn would know full well it would not work. So what I would do instead is when Leia’s signal reaches her allies, we would hear Lando Calrissian. Lando brings support to Crait. If you have to copy and paste something from Empire, then copy the ending. We would see the Resistance strong and our heroes reunited and united against the common goal of burning the First Order to the ground

Change the ending to TFA and they wait till Finn is healed up and both Rey and Finn go to Ach-To. When Rey comes out of the dark side cave, Finn is the one to comfort Rey. Instead of a pointless fight between Rey and Luke. Rey and Luke both sense Leia is in danger, Rey convinces Luke to go to his sister, while Rey and Finn will go to The Supremacy to confront Snoke and Kylo Ren. Finn takes the Jedi texts to the Falcon.  Finn and Rey are captured by Kylo Ren and brings them before Snoke. If you have to have a force bond. Make it between all three of them. Finn and Kylo are obvious foils. Finn was taken from his family against his will into the First Order and realized on his own that murder was wrong. Conversely, Kylo willingly ran from his family into the First Order and consciously uses murder to gain power. As Kylo kills his father, Finn becomes a Resistance hero. Their storylines and development are inversely proportional to each other- when Finn moves toward the light, Kylo falls further toward darkness. Finn is the humanity Kylo rejected when he chose to kill his father.  Kylo is the darkness Finn could have succumbed to but ran away from. So why not have them being connected by the force. Have Kylo taunt Finn and Rey and trying to convince them to join him and turn on Luke, only for them to keep their resolve. You could even have Kylo telling Finn “you could’ve been so much more, yet you betrayed us.” Finn calling Kylo a coward and a monster. With a force connection established between Finn and Kylo, we could have Kylo wondering why Finn would desert The First Order, while Finn wonders why Kylo betrayed his family, the Jedi and joined The First Order, but despite what may have happened, Finn keeps his resolve.  Rey and Finn tell each other that they see Kylo and comfort each other. Maybe even show potential cause Kylo sees them all as abandoned children and together they could bring a new order.  Rey and Finn are asking him to turn and return home, Finn even believes there is hope, “if I could leave The First Order, you can too.” but still, Kylo brings them before Snoke. Snoke commends Kylo for bringing Rey and the traitor before him. Snoke mocks Finn from running from The First Order, but senses he could be strong in the force. “Have you never wondered what the Knights Of Ren are? They were all Stormtroopers Force Sensitive enough to be turned into a new order. Kylo Ren sensed it in you and wanted you to join him, but you left and betrayed us.” “It was weakness that drove you to leave the First Order, not strength. But today I see strength within you that can burn down the Jed!” Snoke asks Finn to take his blaster and execute Rey. Rey is pleading with Finn.  Snoke demands it. "Your compassion for her is now your weakness. Strike her down, join Kylo Ren as a Knight Of Ren and fulfill your destiny- and as we all see it, Finn uses the force to ignite Rey’s lightsaber on Snoke. Together Rey and Finn fights the Praetorian guards. Kylo wants Rey and Finn to join him. Wanting a new order, but Rey and Finn refuses. Rey fights Kylo, but Kylo cuts Rey’s hand off, so Finn fights Kylo. Finn and Kylo are on even footing, but as we see the fight reaching it’s climax, the hyperspace ramming happens. Finn and Rey escape to the Falcon. as Rey is in healing, Finn kisses her on the forehead and covers her up. Finn and Chewie blast away the Tie-Fighters on Crait and destroys the siege cannon. The end scene of both Rey and Finn lifting the rocks and saving The Resistance. Rey and Finn reunite with Poe and Leia. It ends with Leia telling Rey, Finn and Poe saying “we have everything we need.”

What they chose to do with Finn instead

A complete lack of empathy and care for Finn. He is constantly belittled and mocked throughout the movie. In The Force Awakens, Finn fights Kylo Ren. He does well, but is ultimately defeated.  He is slashed in the shoulder and the spine by Kylo Ren and falls into the snow, unconscious. Now if this were in the first 6 movies, Finn would be dead or would be paralyzed. But because it’s a Disney movie, Finn heals up. Rey continues the fight and slashes Ren across the face, leaving him with a gash. The characters all escape, but Finn has to be carried to a medical station, unconscious until TLJ. Kylo Ren seems fine, ultimately jumping in a TIE fighter to try and kill his mom before getting patched up further.  Finn, again, has to wake up before doing anything. Here’s the difference between Finn and Kylo’s injuries.  Finn awakens in a medical bed wearing a bacta suit.  His first instinct is to call out for Rey. As he jolts up, he slams his head against the medical container.  He slams against it again. Regaining awareness, he opens up the medical container to find himself alone in a cargo room.  He falls out of the bed, spraying medical fluids all over the place.  He trudges down the hallway until Poe and BB-8 find him. His injuries are never mentioned, shown, or even referenced again.  Kylo, on the other hand, is asked by Snoke how his wound is, to which he responds “it’s nothing.”  He then takes that ridiculous thing off, complete with a close-up of a sad kylo Ren face, with his sutures  framed to draw attention to them. This happens again in the elevator.  Then we get a scene of him getting patched up soberly by a medical droid.  Then we get a shirtless scene as a final showcase of his other two scars.  Throughout the film, Kylo’s scars are present and framed as a constant reminder that he went through pain.  Finn’s injuries are used as a joke once and promptly forgotten, and let’s not pretend that these injuries are  one-to-one aside from how they’re framed.  Remember Finn received injuries trying to protect Rey, while Kylo received injuries trying to murder Rey. Finn received a deep wound across his spine, which can often be fatal in the real world.  Kylo received a gash across his face.  Finn’s injuries were worse and nobly gained. Kylo’s injuries were comparatively tame and well deserved.  Yet the movie uses Finn’s pain as a joke, and Kylo’s pain as a humanizing factor.

Repeats the same character arc he already learned in The Force Awakens and is made a side character. Finn is changed from one of the main protagonists to being a side character in his own trilogy.  Finn’s character arc from The Force Awakens was dropped completely in The Last Jedi. He does want Rey to be safe, but Finn just wants to run away, despite the fact that he learned to be courageous, face his fears and stay and fight at the end of TFA. He already saw that The Resistance is worth fighting for, that The First Order needs to be fought and he stood up to his fears by facing Kylo Ren. It didn’t need a bad retelling.  

Finn is reduced to Rose’s sidekick and is made into a racist slapstick caricature. The first real problem for Finn. He is reduced to a slapstick joke in his very first scene. Finn awakens from his coma, slams his face and it is revealed that he isn’t even on the medical ship or even in the medbay on the Raddus…he is in the cargo hold and is made to be a joke. This is the Co-protagonist of the trilogy, and he’s reintroduced as a slapstick joke. Then once again he wants to runaway. I am getting a real racist vibe that Rian Johnson sees Finn as the cowardly black man troupe. That’s just downright disgusting.

The dynamic between Finn and Rose. I wanted to like Rose…Bad writing and direction prevents that. Finn wants to escape to save Rey and because The Supremacy is tracking them through hyperspace, but Rose sees this as desertion….Desertion? You taze people for desertion? How exactly am I supposed to root for either side again? This is probably the same only less lethal treatment one could expect from The First Order. And what if The Raddus took critical damage? Are you trying to tell me Rose would taze anyone going to the escape pods? I thought she was supposed to be a mechanic, not someone who prevents escape. Finn is then tazed by Rose, which is understandable, she thought he was running away and she was in mourning. He also was objectively posing absolutely no threat to her, wasn’t running away, and was even trying to explain himself. Additionally, just the threat of the taser seemed to have been enough to stop him from leaving. But Rose attacked him anyways. The difference between Rey and Rose attacking Finn is Rey subdued Finn just enough to stop and interrogate him, Rose went completely overboard by paralyzing him and knocking him unconscious. It was completely unnecessary and gratuitous and is supposed to be played for laughs. Rey and Finn have a real friendship and partnership from the last movie. Rose, on the other hand, spends the rest of the movie belittling Finn and talking down to him. The book also says that she thought about using violence against him more than once after the tasing (for annoying her) and even pushed him. This displays a really problematic pattern of violence and disrespect towards Finn so yeah,  multiple uses of violence and expressed desire to inflict violence on him as being abusive. I would argue that she is undeniably verbally abusive with Finn. In the movie and in the book (more so in the book) she often belittles him by calling him names and using other put downs. It seems she wants to make him feel bad about himself and bring him down, which is abusive. Of course, it doesn’t really matter what her intent is, even if she doesn’t “mean to be mean” it still counts as verbal abuse. So, in summary, her repeated threats and use of violence against Finn and her continual use of insults and put downs causes me to come to the conclusion that she is abusive to Finn.

Canto Bight. Rian Johnson cared more for visuals and CGI than telling a coherent story. It’s complete filler. It’s all the pointless CGI in the Special Editions of the original trilogy, only worse. Was a big boobed alien worth more than Finn and Rose completing their mission to save the Resistance?

Canto Bight continues the racist stereotype that black people would be in awe of a casino and be completely oblivious to what happens behind the scenes. The idea that Finn, someone who was raised in the violent and oppressive environment of the first order and who risked his life to rebel against it, would struggle to understand why a casino full of rich unaffected assholes wasn’t the greatest thing on earth is impossibly bad writing and demonstrates just how little of a shit rian gave about his character

Finn and Rose cared more about space horses than saving slave children. Who cares that these children are gonna be left at the mercy of their violent slave owners and face merciless abuse, because after all, it was all worth it to free the animals!!! Look at us, we’re so progressive!!!….Please kill me

The plan to disable the Hyperspace tracking is made to pointlessly fail. Finn, Rose and DJ are close to fulfilling their objective and fail for no reason whatsoever. Okay first of all, Finn and Rose are captured because neither Finn or Rose bothered to get to a legal parking spot. So instead of going to find the ACTUAL Master Codebreaker(which told a better story) we are instead shown to DJ. This is a character who is made to be untrustworthy from the beginning and even sounds like a snake. So obviously he betrays them. And instead of letting them disable their tracker and just being caught when heading towards the escape pods, their plan is made to fail, making everything they’ve been trying to do ultimately pointless. It effect the plot even in the slightest. You could remove it and nothing would change in the slightest. Nothing mattered. Apparently the people of color needed their white hero savior to show them up…..*sighs*

The only time Finn is allowed to be presented as a protagonist when finally confronting Phasma and facing his abuser. My only problem is they cut out Phasma’s better death scene. Finn reveals Phasma shut down the shields for Starkiller Base, and that gets the Stormtroopers to turn on Phasma. This is what I would hope starts a Stormtrooper Rebellion. Finn’s defection was withheld information by Hux and Phasma in fear of a full on rebellion. Humanizing Stormtroopers and having one become a hero is kind of genius, but the way they did it in Episode 7 made it seem like Finn was the ONLY good Stormtrooper, which has to be an impossibility. If one Stormtrooper can suddenly switch sides, what’s to say that others couldn’t? And since Episode IX will most likely see the fall of the First Order, I personally think that Finn should convince all (or most of) the Stormtroopers to turn against Kylo and Hux, leading to a cool final scene where the First Order is ultimately destroyed by their own henchmen, children who were abducted and indoctrinated take back their narrative. That would be cooler and more unique, I think, than another Resistance vs. First Order space shootout, or Rey and her possible Jedi apprentice army taking them down.

Finn’s suicide run. Finn was the best Stormtrooper and knows about The First Order’s weapons, he should know full well that speeder would be destroyed trying to destroy the mini death star. Finn’s attempted sacrifice was pointless as he knew that it wouldn’t work.

Rose stopping Finn. “that’s how we win, not by fighting what we hate, by saving what we love.” That makes no sense and ignores the entire narrative of Star Wars and heroism of the saga. Paige, her sister sacrificed herself to save The Resistance. Holdo sacrificed herself to save The Resistance. The Rogue One crew sacrificed themselves. Kanan Jarrus sacrificed himself to save what he loved. Finn’s entire arc in the movie was learning not to just think about running away with Rey and fight for a greater cause and when the time comes for Finn to prove that he’s grown as a character, he can’t? What was the point of Finn’s arc in the movie? And let’s talk about Poe. Shouldn’t Poe be sacrificing himself? Poe has spent the entire film watching others die and give their lives and he’s never backed down, so shouldn’t Poe be in Finn’s place? And if Rose stopped Finn who would save The Resistance? We saw after Rose stopped Finn, the bunker was blown up by the battering ram. Absolutely NO ONE knew that Luke was going to make his surprise entrance and save everyone. For all we knew, The First Order would’ve moved into the bunker and killed everyone and The Resistance.

Finn was done dirty throughout the entire movie, the only time I felt any sense of joy for his character was when he reunited with Rey. I just hope TROS treats Finn better and he isn’t Rian’d again. Finn deserved better than what he got in TLJ

List of ways they could’ve handled Poe in the sequel trilogy

Poe is on Jakku with Finn. I was not happy that Poe who was heavily advertised as one of the leads of this new trilogy and is sidelined for the majority of the movie. So what I’d have happen is Poe saves Finn and together they go to Nema outpost. Poe gives Finn his jacket because his Stormtrooper armor would draw too much attention and after he sees Finn in the jacket, Poe will tell him “you should keep it, it looks good on you” Poe will tell Finn, “if anyone asks, you’re with the Resistance.” Eventually both Poe and Finn would meet up with BB-8 and Rey. Eventually the three meet up and run for safety as The First Order attacks. Rey and Finn would blast the Tie-FIghters out of the sky as Poe flies the Falcon. The trio introduces themselves and starts to show a friendship for each other. Poe will tell Rey they need to get BB-8 to the Resistance base, it is to locate Luke Skywalker. Rey will have her “Luke Skywalker? I thought he was a myth.” Han will arrive and Poe asks for help. Han will tell the story of Luke’s disappearance and takes them to Takodana. We get to see the friendship between Poe, Finn and Rey. Poe tells Finn and Rey about his parents and how much Poe idolizes Shara and Kes. Giving the audience the knowledge that his parents are war heroes in the Rebellion and life long friends of the original trilogy characters. Both Finn and Rey feel alone but is interested in knowing about Poe’s life. Poe tells Finn he has to tell Rey, he appreciates what he has done for him but it’s best Rey find out from him and not The First Order. Maz finds out about Finn, when Poe is confronted about the lie, Poe did it to protect Finn and after that Finn and Rey have their moment like they did in the movie.  When The First Order’s attack on Takodana happens, Poe signals Black Squadron to help. The big change is having Poe go to Starkiller Base with Finn and Han. Everyone assumes that Poe will destroy Starkiller Base, but it’s his team that will do it, mainly Jessika Pava. He trusts his team to destroy Starkiller Base while Poe helps destroy it from the inside. Also Finn convinced Poe to help and because Rey is Poe’s friend. I just really think it would’ve been better to have Rey, Finn and Poe together as the Sequel trio and to have the three to have a good dynamic.  

The Resistance mobilizes with what’s left of The New Republic and Poe leads the fleet against The First Order

Poe convinces Leia that destroying the Dreadnought is a good thing.

Poe is commended and praised for saving The Resistance, but Poe feels regret for the lives that were lost. Leia sympathizes that she has delt with this guilt throughout her entire life. “Does it ever get easier General? “No Poe, it doesn’t, but we must endure.”

Poe does get in his X-Wing and gets in a dogfight with Kylo Ren in The Silencer. Poe is the one thing from keeping Kylo from destroying The Resistance fleet. As Kylo hesitates on shooting Leia, before his wingmen can fire on the bridge, Poe shoots the wingmen out of the sky and sends The Silencer flying. 

Goes on the mission with Finn to find the Resistance hacker Rose Tico

Actually letting Holdo tell Poe the plan 

Actually acknowledging that Poe saved The Resistance against The Dreadnought and acknowledge that he destroyed Starkiller Base. Not condemn him for already being a Resistance Leader who cared about saving lives

What they chose to do with Poe instead

The lack of tension between Kylo Ren and Poe. Poe Dameron just witnessed The First Order’s arrival, the death of his friend Lor San Tekka and the massacre of a village. What happens next is a complete change in tone and lack of tension. Poe decides to tell a joke. JJ decides it’s best to throw in a joke, it just undermined the seriousness of the slaughter Kylo Ren has caused and killed one of Poe and Leia’s friends. Poe should not be cracking jokes. Poe should be brave, firm and defiant to Kylo Ren. Telling a joke is the absolute last thing Poe should be doing after witnessing the murder of a friend.

Keep Poe separate from Finn and Rey for the first half of the movie

Pointlessly change Poe’s character in TLJ. Poe started out as the most levelheaded, compassionate and trusted soldier in the entire Resistance, so trusted that he was given the mission to find the map to Luke Skywalker and leading the strike force to destroy Starkiller Base, why is it that he is suddenly a hot headed fly boy who ignores orders and is getting no respect from his commanding officers? The character change for Poe Dameron was unnecessary and so out of place. Poe before TLJ would not be okay with sacrificing lives to stop one ship that can be easily replaced.  In all source material and the last movie he refused to let anyone die. Not even Finn, a man who was an enemy an hour before they met formally, even though Poe shot his squad mate before during the fight on Jakku. Everything about Poe’s portrayal in TLJ is so unnecessary.  Poe Dameron went from a caring and experienced rebel pilot to an arrogant, hotheaded latino stereotype in the span of like…a day. That’s not subversive writing, that’s racist and bad writing.

Is condemned and demoted for saving The Resistance and doing something that Han and Luke did to destroy the Death Star

Kept Poe in the dark about something that could’ve been solved with basic communication skills. Holdo’s absolute refusal to tell Poe or literally ANYONE in the Resistance the plan is baffling. Poe is a respected and highly trained, top ranking rebel fighter, who had been covert enough to execute a highly delicate and secret mission to retrieve the Map to Luke Skywalker, responsible for destroying Starkiller base and the biggest asset to the resistance and biggest threat to the first order, anything about the plan? He’s literally a war hero and is more than likely only second to Leia. Holdo didn’t just leave Poe in the dark, she left the entire Resistance in the dark. When Holdo meets Poe, she then proceeds to dress Poe down just for asking for his orders and the plan. Keep in mind that Poe isn’t just some grunt. Even with his demotion, he’s your second or third in command, and he has the respect of the entire crew, as evidenced by his later leading a majority of the crew in mutiny against Holdo. Holdo brought her personal crew from her ship and worked with them while snubbing the main rebel crew entirely. That’s a bit of a dick move, protocol or not. One of the biggest issues was not that Holdo wasn’t telling Poe the plan, but it was acting as if there was really no other plan. She was literally taking personal jabs at him when he was trying to find something out. If she said something like. “While it seems bad , we are working on a plan right now. We are not just going to stay here and have everyone die. Just have your pilots ready to go at a moment’s notice” But she didn’t even give him that. Remember up until Poe taking over, they were watching ship after ship being picked off slowly. The crew was given nothing and was told just to trust her. Blind faith in leadership is a horrible message. If that is the take away then why not just do what the First Order or the Empire wants. I mean seemingly they are in charge of stuff now. And we should follow orders blindly. Moreover they were down to < 1000 people, and from the POV of everyone else she was just watching people die. Rank be damned. Anyone who cared about their crew would do something. He was a Commander and the flight commander there is NO way he should have been left out in the cold. Then they have the nerve to touch his unconscious body and say “I like him” fuck you. How Poe was treated in TLJ was absolutely atrocious and a complete insult to Oscar Isaac, Poe deserves better.

List of ways they could’ve handled Rose in the sequel trilogy

Make Rose the Hacker. It’s not unrealistic for the Resistance to have one. She could still think her skills aren’t useful considering most Wars have been won by soldiers and Jedi, not hackers. Paige is a Resistance fighter and her sister is a hacker. The Tico sisters fight the war in their own way. Finn and Poe go to Canto Bight to get Rose. Rose is on the planet to make the war profiteers hurt, and Finn and Poe must convince her. Her character arc could be learning that the war is much bigger than just her and that her sister, and the galaxy need her.

Finn and Rose’s mission is to find the master codebreaker. The Master Codebreaker they are meant to find is none other than Lando Calrissian. Lando is the person Finn and Rose are meant to get help from. They leave with DJ, but Lando was expecting to meet two members from the Resistance, so he leaves Canto Bight and on his way out he gets Leia’s message and mobilizes old friends from the Rebellion(a cameo from Wedge Antilles) and goes to give the Resistance some reinforcements. So instead of a hopelessly outgunned Resistance at Death’s door, when all hope seems lost, Lando brings the cavalry and shows The Rebellion is alive and hope still lives. We then see a little reunion with Lando, Leia and Chewbacca and Lando revealing that he was who Finn and Rose were meant to meet. 

Rose is a highly valued Resistance Mechanic fighting for The Resistance her own way as Paige was a bomber

Actually letting Paige live and actually giving us the sisterly bond between Rose and Paige and you know, GIVING  Ngô Thanh Vân SPEAKING LINES

Letting Rose empathize with Finn’s trauma and acknowledge that they are both cut from the same cloth. Rose and Paige lost their family and home and Finn lost his family and home, they have something in common and a reason to fight for The Resistance

Have Finn tell Rose about Rey and Rose being in awe of the Jedi and hopes to someday meet her and understands why Finn loves her

Letting Finn and Rose’s plan to disable the tracker succeed and only be captured upon reaching the escape pods.

What they chose to do with Rose instead

Poorly written. I wanted to like Rose…Bad writing and direction prevents that. The Supremacy is tracking them through hyperspace, but Rose sees this as desertion….Desertion? You taze people for desertion? How exactly am I supposed to root for either side again? This is probably the same only less lethal treatment one could expect from The First Order. And what if The Raddus took critical damage? Are you trying to tell me Rose would taze anyone going to the escape pods? I thought she was supposed to be a mechanic, not someone who prevents escape. Finn is then tazed by Rose, which is understandable, she thought he was running away and she was in mourning. He also was objectively posing absolutely no threat to her, wasn’t running away, and was even trying to explain himself. Additionally, just the threat of the taser seemed to have been enough to stop him from leaving. But Rose attacked him anyways. The difference between Rey and Rose attacking Finn is Rey subdued Finn just enough to stop and interrogate him, Rose went completely overboard by paralyzing him and knocking him unconscious. It was completely unnecessary and gratuitous and is supposed to be played for laughs. Rey and Finn have a real friendship and partnership from the last movie. Rose, on the other hand, spends the rest of the movie belittling Finn and talking down to him. The book also says that she thought about using violence against him more than once after the tasing (for annoying her) and even pushed him. This displays a really problematic pattern of violence and disrespect towards Finn so yeah,  multiple uses of violence and expressed desire to inflict violence on him as being abusive. I would argue that she is undeniably verbally abusive with Finn. In the movie and in the book (more so in the book) she often belittles him by calling him names and using other put downs. It seems she wants to make him feel bad about himself and bring him down, which is abusive. Of course, it doesn’t really matter what her intent is, even if she doesn’t “mean to be mean” it still counts as verbal abuse. So, in summary, her repeated threats and use of violence against Finn and her continual use of insults and put downs causes me to come to the conclusion that she is abusive to Finn. And I am supposed to root for them to be in a relationship?

Cared more about space horses than saving slave children. Who cares that these children are gonna be left at the mercy of their violent slave owners and face merciless abuse, because after all, it was all worth it to free the animals!!! Look at us, we’re so progressive!!!….Please kill me

The plan to disable the Hyperspace tracking is made to pointlessly fail. Finn, Rose and DJ are close to fulfilling their objective and fail for no reason whatsoever. Okay first of all, Finn and Rose are captured because neither Finn or Rose bothered to get to a parking spot. So instead of going to find the ACTUAL Master Codebreaker(which told a better story) we are instead shown to DJ. This is a character who is made to be untrustworthy from the beginning and even sounds like a snake. So obviously he betrays them. And instead of letting them disable their tracker and just being caught when heading towards the escape pods, their plan is made to fail, making everything they’ve been trying to do ultimately pointless. It effect the plot even in the slightest. You could remove it and nothing would change in the slightest. Nothing mattered. Apparently the people of color needed their white hero savior to show them up…..*sighs*

Rose stopping Finn. “that’s how we win, not by fighting what we hate, by saving what we love.” That makes no sense and ignores the entire narrative of Star Wars and heroism of the saga. Paige, her sister sacrificed herself to save The Resistance. Holdo sacrificed herself to save The Resistance. The Rogue One crew sacrificed themselves. Kanan Jarrus sacrificed himself to save what he loved. Finn’s entire arc in the movie was learning not to just think about running away with Rey and fight for a greater cause and when the time comes for Finn to prove that he’s grown as a character, he can’t? What was the point of Finn’s arc in the movie? And let’s talk about Poe. Shouldn’t Poe be sacrificing himself? Poe has spent the entire film watching others die and give their lives and he’s never backed down, so shouldn’t Poe be in Finn’s place? And if Rose stopped Finn who would save The Resistance? We saw after Rose stopped Finn, the bunker was blown up by the battering ram. Absolutely NO ONE knew that Luke was going to make his surprise entrance and save everyone. For all we knew, The First Order would’ve moved into the bunker and killed everyone and The Resistance.

in TLJ novel she is made bitter and jealous of Rey when Rey is trying to save them....great, we are actually putting the only two main female characters of the sequel trilogy against each other because Jason Fry and Rian Johnson are misogynists and complete and utter fucking morons

Rose Tico could’ve been a great character, but because she was in the hands of Rian Johnson, she had no chance of succeeding. I can only hope she is handled better and by someone competent. Rose Tico and Kelly Marie Tran deserved better 

List of ways they could’ve handled Kylo Ren in the sequel trilogy

Make Kylo handle the Lor San Tekka situation better. The man who has or had the map to Skywalker is right there. Show Kylo’s villainy and ruthlessness by forcing  Lor San Tekka to comply. Order the village massacre right there and force Lor San Tekka to watch until he tells you what you want or just use the force probe right then and there, Poe’s interference causes Kylo to lose focus and causes Kylo to lobotomize Lor San Tekka which brings us to Kylo getting Poe. It would show how far in the dark side Kylo Ren is and what he will do to get what he wants 

Instead of the tantrums, have Kylo Ren kill FO officers right then and there with his Lightsaber, it shows that he has no regard for human life and his only focus is to fulfill his mission.

Keep the mask on until Kylo faces Han Solo. 

Reveal that Ben Solo fell to the dark side and became Kylo Ren because his family did not tell him the truth that Darth Vader was his grandfather. Leia chose to hid the fact that Darth Vader was his grandfather and did not tell him that Vader redeemed himself. The New Republic publicly spread the news that Darth Vader was Leia’s true father, so Ben could have seen that at Luke’s Jedi Temple. It could’ve been a similar situation after Luke found out the truth. “Ben, why didn’t you tell me.” “Mother…you lied to me….” this can be seen as a darker mirror of Luke and Obi-Wan’s relationship. Luke did feel a little betrayed by Obi-Wan and Yoda, but did not let the truth consume him. Ben Solo would let this consume him. He feels betrayed by his family and those feelings of resentment lead Snoke to Ben Solo. He promises a place where he would never be lied to again and valued and where he can learn more of his grandfather. So Ben betrays his family, kills the Jedi and becomes Kylo Ren because the truth of Anakin was kept from him and because of that Snoke twisted the view of Vader’s fall being compassion and Kylo idolized Vader and viewed Anakin as weakness. He wants to destroy everything his family built out of spite and finish what Vader started, which was kill his master, the Jedi and rule the galaxy.

Have Kylo Ren be sent to Darth Vader’s castle on Mustafar to complete his training. Allowing the dark side energies within Vader’s castle and what remains of Vader to strengthen the dark side within him to snuff out the light. We would later see Snoke teaching him the flaws of the Jedi and Sith and why they must destroy the Jedi and Sith. Their goal isn’t to do over Palpatine and Vader. Their goal is to end both orders and to serve the dark side to let it and The First Order reign supreme. Snoke teaching him the ways of the dark side, using torture and force lightning to draw Kylo’s rage to bring out his full potential in the dark side of the force. We needed to see Sith training. We never once got to see it, so we needed to see it with Snoke and Kylo Ren. And Snoke gives his apprentice one final test. Killing his mother General Leia Organa and drawing out Luke Skywalker.

Have The Supremacy board The Raddus and Kylo leads an attack to kill everyone aboard. Leia offers herself to be taken hostage, Kylo Ren takes his mother as hostage while The Resistance is spared.

Actually give us scenes of Kylo and Leia instead of force bond scenes with Kylo and Rey. It bothers me that there is not a single scene with Kylo Ren and Leia. No scene with mother and son and because Carrie is no longer with us, we will never get to see Carrie and Adam act together. So we desperately need to see Kylo Ren interacting with Leia aboard The Supremacy. Unlike a force connection with Rey, this provides an endless amount of interesting scenes and dialogue between two characters who have no screen time relationship whatsoever but are probably the closest people in the movie. Plus Star Wars has had no mother and son relationship since Anakin and Shmi Skywalker. We could have Kylo raging at his mother for leaving him and abandoning him, and  Leia breaking down about Han and Kylo vowing to destroy everything that his family has built. Kylo will rip off his mask to show his scar and the dark side corruption. “LOOK AT MY FACE MOTHER, IS THIS WHAT YOU WANTED TO SEE? AS I TOLD HAN SOLO, YOUR SON IS GONE, HE WAS WEAK AND FOOLISH!” With his eyes pitch Sith Yellow, a single tear leaves his eye and Leia wipes it. Even in his darkest days, Leia is there for her son, as a mother should be. Leia will tell her son  "Your father loved you to the very end, he never stopped searching or believing in you he was finally there for you in the end. We were so caught up with our work we couldn’t be with you as much as we would have wanted, as much as you needed. And sending you away with your uncle, when you needed us the most, was the biggest mistake of our lives. I’m sorry.” Kylo will scream and lash out at equipment after failing to go through with it.

Kylo fighting Rey while Luke fights Snoke. Kylo gets the upperhand and cuts Rey’s hand off

An actual Lightsaber duel between Luke and Kylo Ren. Luke has his green lightsaber. Their blades clash. Their dialogue remains the same, but Luke is there. Luke is toying with Kylo, similar to how Vader toyed with him on Bespin.  When Kylo makes his dramatic slut ™ lunge at Luke, but Luke dodges and cuts Kylo’s hand off. And finally Luke gives his “see you around kid” but Luke does not die

Cut the battle of Crait entirely. After Kylo Ren awakens. Kylo will order Hux to pullback their fleet. They needed to regroup on Mustafar with the other Knights of Ren. General Hux explodes in rage, stating that he does not take orders from the supreme leader’s dog. Hux then feels his throat closing and grabs his neck. The Imperial March plays as Kylo Ren declares himself supreme leader of the First Order. Hux barely manages to take out his blaster and shoots Ren in order to free himself. Hux threatens Kylo that if he were to die, then Kylo will never make it off of the ship alive. They will either work together or both die. Kylo releases the general and says from here on out the First Order will focus on their true mission. Kylo declares Hux as the Grand Marshal of the First Order. Hux orders his fleet to pull back, and says that Kylo better pray the force isn’t leading him astray. The Grand Marshal then leaves. The new Supreme Leader casts one last look at the planet, then turns away. Picking up half of the destroyed lightsaber that had belonged to his grandfather.

What they chose to do with Kylo instead

Stupidly kill Lor San Tekka when he could’ve forced him to comply or take the information out of his head

Kylo Ren knows the map is on Jakku. He chooses to let the Stormtroopers get the droid when he does not have faith in them.

How am I supposed to feel that a villain is a threat when he is throwing tantrums and destroying expensive equipment? Vader force choked Imperial Officers who failed him. Rather than do that, Kylo lashes out and destroys equipment on the ship. I’m honestly surprised Kylo has not bankrupted the First Order by now.

Kylo keeps taking his mask off. This is not an insult to Adam Driver, he is a handsome man. But it just cheapens the reveal if he shows it to Rey. It would mean a whole lot more if Kylo was masked throughout the entire movie and only takes his mask off to Han Solo. We would see through Han’s eyes, a father’s eyes that his son has been twisted into something he doesn’t recognize, but still tries to reach out to his son. I honestly feel like Kylo taking his mask off earlier cheapens the reveal. I know unmasking is supposed to showcase that he turned to the dark side at a young age....but Adam Driver is in his 30′s.

No training between Kylo Ren and Snoke. Snoke does not train Kylo. Snoke said that he would complete Kylo’s training when he told Hux to bring Kylo Ren to him at the end of TFA. Yes, he did fail him and he sensed his father in him, but I really thought we’d see Snoke sending Kylo to Vader’s castle on Mustafar to allow the dark side energies in the castle and what remains of Vader to strengthen the dark side within him to snuff out the light. Killing Han broke his spirit, but he could use the castle to complete Kylo Ren’s training. Then we would see Snoke personally train Kylo himself. Snoke begins by telling Kylo the Sith code ” Peace is a lie, there is only passion. Through passion, I gain strength. Through strength, I gain power. Through power, I gain victory. Through victory, my chains are broken. The Force shall free me.” teaching him the ways of the dark side, using torture and force lightning to draw Kylo’s rage to bring out his full potential in the dark side of the force. We needed to see Sith training. We never once got to see it, so we needed to see it with Snoke and Kylo Ren. 

That pointless and laughable shirtless scene. 

The laughable and terrible Throne Room fight scene. There is no tension in the scene and it is pointless. Kylo Ren and Rey are fighting a faceless a group of guards that we know absolutely nothing about and have literally no purpose in the entire story except for this one fight. We know neither of the characters are going to die because these are just faceless red shirts and there is still like 30 to 40 minutes left of the movie. There are times where you can tell that some of the guards are just waiting their turn to fight and in one shot the editor literally digitally removed a knife from one of the guard’s hands because it would make no sense why he didn’t just stab Rey. There are multiple times where Rey, Kylo and the guards are just doing motions and actions because they look cool but serve no purpose but to look cool. Kylo stabbing the ground? Pointless. Rey twirling her rave stick around while someone falls behind her, pointless. Another annoying thing is that both of the characters are acting like they don’t have monumentally strong force powers. Hell, both of them get into a force tug of war right after the fight. Kylo can freeze people in place and stop blaster fire in mid air. Not even  once do we see them displaying their powers is what cheapens the fight. Kylo Ren is powerful enough to freeze a blaster and a person in place and Rey herself unlocked Kylo’s powers, so the two of them could have easily ended the fight sooner than it was dragged out. Kylo is powerful in the force but he SERIOUSLY could not stop a Praetorian Guard choke holding him and Rey struggled with a guard? Rey and Kylo were stronger in TFA and are just made weaker in the duel with the Praetorian Guards. Kylo could have frozen half of the guards and Rey could have mind tricked the other half into killing the frozen guards and Kylo and Rey could have finished them. They are masters of light and darkness, but they are made weaker.

A force connection between Kylo Ren and Rey. None of these characters have a reason to trust one another. Kylo should be furious. He has been humiliated and defeated by this random Scavenger from Jakku, especially after being berated and humiliated by Snoke about said defeat. Kylo has done nothing but hurt Rey. It’s obvious Kylo has been manipulating Rey all movie, but it’s just so poorly executed. If anyone honestly believed Kylo about calling Rey’s parents filthy junk traders, they are gullible. Kylo was not being sincere or truthful about calling Rey’s parents nobodies. He’s attacking her biggest insecurity, her greatest fear, that her parents were nobodies. “They were filthy junk traders who died on Jakku” we see visibly in TFA that her parents were flying away from Jakku. And if anyone actually find Kylo’s “You’re nobody, but not to me” romantic, I honestly hope you never find yourself in a relationship with someone who would say something like that. That is text book abuse 101. That is a clear example of psychological manipulation. He’s attacking her biggest insecurity, her greatest fear, that she’s alone in the universe, and using the classic abuser’s tactic of “no one else but me loves you, so you should be with me. Aren’t you grateful?” He’s trying to cut her off from the people who love her, who made her feel worthwhile, and who helped to give her purpose in life, by saying they don’t care about the “real her.” But he apparently “sees” the real her and knows who she is and that doesn’t matter to him. That is STRAIGHT out of the How to Be an Abusive Asshole Handbook! It is very clear that he is obsessed with her, but he is also not worthy of her because he’s using such dirty means to drag her down to his level of self-deprecation and self-loathing. Thankfully, our girl Rey is tougher and smarter than that and reunited with the people who DO love her and think she is everything, regardless of her roots.  

The worst offense about what they did with Kylo Ren is how horribly and lazily written his actual reason or lack there of for choosing the dark side. Okay by all canon sources, the reason Ben Solo turned to the dark side is he turned to the dark side, killed The Jedi, betrayed his family and joined The First Order because his family was trying to build a better galaxy for him…… Because Han and Leia chose to put their life into the rebellion and not enough time into him, that’s why he fell. “My loving parents who doted on me and gave me the best in life also wanted to help other people and rebuild a wartorn galaxy. It makes me so mad just thinking of it!” And Rian Johnson in his “sUbVeRt ExPeCTaTiOnS” edgelord philosophy decided it would be best if Luke Skywalker, a man who thought Darth Vader, the most evil man in the galaxy who has 20 years of war crimes in his life, believed the good man he used to be was alive, was willing to die for his father and was able to save his father, yet somehow Johnson thought it would be better to make Luke Skywalker, the most hopeful character to try and kill his nephew in his sleep instead of ACTUALLY TALKING TO HIM LIKE LUKE SKYWALKER WOULD ACTUALLY DO. Luke, Han and Leia are not responsible for Kylo Ren’s actions and their characters did not need to be broken down for his development, or lack there of. The lesson apparently is spend more time with your child instead of building a better world for him otherwise he’ll shoot up a school, join a fascist organization and blame his every action on his family and constantly harass and gaslight the one girl who peaks his interest.  

Kylo Ren is a terrible villain. When written well, Kylo Ren is a well-rounded antagonist that broke the clichés of most of modern villains. Kylo Ren was a complex and layered character who wasn’t glorified or idealized for his morally wrong actions and chose to embrace his darker side than to chose redemption. He is the Skywalker who chose to burn down everything his family built. However the problem is Kylo merely an illusion of depth, just like the rest of this trilogy. This becomes evident when you put him up against other, better villains. When compared to great villains like Loki, Darth Vader and Eric Killmonger, it just feels like Kylo is a terrible and bland villain. We understand what launched these characters into their villainy, and it builds sympathy for their situation. Over the course of the films, we learn their plan, what they believe in, and see how they carry out their vision. No such thing has happened for Kylo; he’s largely inconsistent and really we don’t know why he or the First Order are attacking the protagonists other than “Hope” or something. Even when compared to Anakin, he’s far less of a character, regardless of how you feel about his dialogue or acting. Anakin had a legitimately crappy childhood, and was told to let go of the people he loved. He does bad things, but it’s clear he doesn’t want to. Especially in RotS he tries his absolute hardest to do the right thing, but when faced with losing Padme, he changed his mind at the last minute. He shows true conflict in his actions, whereas with Kylo Ren, we have to be told that he was sad after killing Han Solo. With TLJ there is more damage done. Kylo has been so “moody” it’s difficult to take him seriously. When Snoke died, it made me feel like there was no longer an antagonist. TLJ castrated Hux, the FO is incompetent, and Kylo is a moody teenager. There’s no serious tension left. Kylo is just a whiny psychopath who has no reason to be evil, but decides to be evil anyway, but we’re supposed to believe that he’s “conflicted” about his psychotic actions because he’s teary eyed every time he slaughters innocent people, and loses his temper like a child whenever someone offends him. And what really blows my mind is how some that want redemption for him believe he will make a total 180 on a dime and suddenly become a wise, benevolent leader whom the galaxy respects. This dude hasn’t shown an ounce of political savvy, charisma, or even self-restraint, I’d be shocked if he manages to run anything properly as Supreme Leader. JJ will have my respect if he can turn Kylo Ren into an unhinged monster worthy of being afraid of  

List of ways they could’ve handled Hux in TLJ

Have it featured in the crawl that Hux has been responsible for masterminding the invasions of New Republic worlds after the destruction of the Hoznian Prime. The First Order Reigns Supreme because of Hux

Keep Hux as he was in TFA. a competent military leader that came up with plans and made necessary risks in order to destroy The Resistance, talked back to Kylo Ren and didn’t fear him or his power and Hux has the populations of 5 planets to his body count.

Keep the foil dynamic between Hux and Kylo Ren. Kylo being intimidating and Hux having none of it with no sign of fear. Give it a clear sign that both Kylo Ren and Hux want to become the Supreme Leader and both are willing to kill Snoke and the other to do so.

Keep Hux composed and in control not falling for Poe’s attempts at humor and ordering the fighters to be scrambled to annihilate Poe and his squadron  and cuts them off from the main fleet, establishing that Poe is clearly outnumbered. Just as the evacuation is complete, the dreadnought cannons are working again and aiming at the Raddus. Just as it’s about to fire, Paige launches the bombers. The Dreadnought is destroyed but Hux is presented as a cold, ruthless and calculating general. Hux gets punished and nearly killed by Snoke for that but can insure that they can follow the resistance cruiser.

Keep my idea of the Supremacy boarding The Raddus. Before this happens, a confrontation between Hux and Kylo happens. Hux just wants to swarm The Raddus with Tie Fighters fire it enough to destroy their shields and finally destroy The Resistance once and for all. but Ren stops him. He has to face his mother and kill his mother. Hux says his training is ridiculous and stands in the way of a quick victory. But Ren states that when they blow up the Raddus now, every one of them will die a martyr spreading the resistance lies further but if they can puplicly execute them, there won’t be another resistance. When Leia is captured, Hux is overjoyed that General Organa will be granted a quick and public execution and execute hope itself. 

Instead of slapping Finn it would have been way better if Hux had wanted to turn Finn back into a Stormtrooper since you know the Stormtrooper program was designed by Hux and his father and he took it as a personal insult that Finn deserted. But Finn would inspire the Stormtroopers who captured him to rebel. And then the fight between Finn and Phasma happens.

Show that Hux absolutely has no chill or fear in the face of Kylo Ren. He gets force choked but Hux is able to fire his blaster at Ren in order to free himself. The general refuses to submit. Hux threatens Kylo that if he were to die, then Kylo will never make it off of the ship alive. They will either work together or both die. Kylo releases the general and says from here on out the First Order will focus on their true mission. Kylo declares Hux as the Grand Marshal of the First Order.

What they chose to do with Hux instead

Hux is made into a joke. General Hux, the man who caused the destruction of the Hosnian system and is shown to be a younger angrier version of Tarkin in TFA, is shown to be an incompetent bumbling fool and Captain Canady is the only intelligent officer in The First Order. He does not deploy the Tie Fighters, order the fleet to move in when The Resistance are evacuating D'Qar and vulnerable, instead orders the Dreadnought to move in, and instead of ordering the Dreadnought with it’s devastating canon to fire on the cruiser thus giving the transports nowhere to go, he orders an orbital bombardment to an almost empty planet. But does not fire because he sees Poe’s X-Wing When Poe arrives in his X-Wing, the only X-Wing in view. Hux does not order deploying the Tie Fighters or even ordering the Dreadnought to fire on Poe. They do absolutely NOTHING. How is Hux a general again? Did he just want to hear himself talk? The turrets are being destroyed by Poe and Hux tells Captain Canady to fire the Dreadnought, Canady responds it’s too small and too close of range to fire their turbolasers and orders the Tie Fighters to be scrambled which should have been done 5 minutes ago. Canady knows Poe is not aiming to penetrate their armor, he knows Poe is clearing out their surface cannons. Here we have it. The only intelligent officer in The First Order, everyone else including Hux are incompetent. How exactly is Hux a general again?

The Evacuation of D’Qar. Hux is goaded into allowing a Starfighter into point blank range with one of their fleet’s more valuable assets, he doesn’t launch a fighter screen to keep that fighter at bay, and when a real danger is detected, still does nothing. Captain Canady is left to launch his own fighters from Fulminatrix, and gets no support from Hux or the rest of the First Order fleet. Hux doesn’t launch support fighters, direct their batteries to put up defensive fire covering the dreadnought, nothing, no he’s too busy massaging his bruised ego because some flyboy put him on tilt with what amounts to a practical joke, and an 8km long warship pays the price for their incompetence. Now onto said Dreadnought. They have this weapon that is capable of dealing planetary bombardment and chooses to fire on a nearly abandoned planet instead of targeting the Resistance ship that is used to carry The Resistance fleet. Destroy The Raddus and you can easily pick a part The Resistance easily. Instead of doing the most intelligent thing, they chose to do the stupid thing.  

The lowsped chase. Now onto the chase, or as I like to call it “the dumbest bit of military nonsense since the Emu war.” You have the First Order Fleet chasing the Resistance flotilla, supposedly the Resistance fleet is “faster” but they aren’t opening the gap between them and the First Order because… it would burn more fuel (because inertia isn’t a thing in Star Wars Space)? So they stay just at the extreme range of the First Order’s guns, and the Raddus has to be on the receiving end of a potshot every once in a while. Meanwhile said Resistance ships are flying in a straight line, direct away from the First Order fleet, so why not just set course past them and Hyperspace in front of them and catch them in the middle? Are interdictors at play here? Are they content to just think the fleet will run out of fuel and they can just catch them? It bothers me to understand that the heroes are only alive because of the gross incompetence of the First Order, because it doesn’t speak well to the capabilities of the heroes.

Hux is a ragdoll for dark side users apparently. Hux is slapped around with the force by Snoke, okay understandable, it’s for failure. Vader did the same. But god it is done in almost every scene by Snoke and Kylo. 

Hux stupidly tells Kylo Ren to pull back. When the Silencer pretty much destroyed all the X-Wing fighters, and The Resistance command is jettisoned in space, Hux just orders Kylo back. They have the opportunity to end The Resistance, just calls him back, a scene later Hux complains he let them go. Sure they can still track them, but the fact that they let them goes shows that Hux is a fool. 

The only time Hux is allowed to be villainous in the movie is when he is prepared to take out his blaster and kill Kylo Ren. Everything else he is either an idiot or someone’s toy to be slapped around. And you expect me and the general audience to believe Hux is going to be the villain in Episode IX?      

So now the Resistance is stuck on Crait, the First Order knows they are there, we know implicitly that the First Order has more than one dreadnought in their fleet, we also know the Resistance is fresh out of bombers. Maybe instead of calling for a costly ground invasion just call in another dreadnought and finish the job once and for all. This isn’t next level thinking, this isn’t superior tactics. This is using a rock to smash a bug levels of thinking. But they don’t, they land a ground invasion bigger than Hoth and bring a mini Death Star with them. Note again, that while Hoth was defended by more men with better equipment, Crait is defended by a quarter as many with rusting, dilapidated equipment… but it was enough to keep the Order stalled for Luke Skywalker to video-conference in.

List of ways they could’ve handled Phasma in the sequel trilogy

Have Phasma visibly shown slaughtering villagers on Tuanul

Show Phasma leading the strike team on Takodana

Have Phasma making it her prime duty to bring the traitorous FN-2187 to justice.

Have Phasma being involved with the meetings with Snoke. Phasma is part of the First Order triumvirate, there is no reason whatsoever why Phasma CANNOT be involved with the scenes with Snoke.

Captain Phasma is the one who fights Finn on Takodana, not FN-2199. It makes sense. It gives Finn an enemy to fight, his former Captain and leader who ordered atrocities that Finn could not commit and had compassion for his team members and Phasma wanting to show no mercy to traitors. Phasma would be winning the fight and nearly delivers the killing blow, but Han shoots her with the bowcaster

Phasma recovers and returns to Starkiller Base and is captured by Finn and Han. However, Phasma does not comply with Finn and Han, she sounds the security alarm/intruder alert and Chewie knocks her out and throws her down the trash compactor. Finn and Han figure out on disabling the shields themselves. This is the obvious thing she would do. She is a villain and smart, she would not comply or cower, so Finn, Han and Chewie are left by themselves to disabled the shields on their own.

Make Phasma a deranged individual obsessed with capturing and executing Finn. Phasma is basically Captain Ahab and Finn is her great white whale to chase. She is hunting Finn to the ends of the galaxy. Each battle they face she is there ready for him, every time he isn’t there, she kills every Resistance soldier there. Phasma is losing it, Hux is worried, but both Snoke and Kylo believe this will be beneficial in destroying The Resistance. And finally she finds him on The Supremacy. Finn and Phasma go head to head. finally on equal levels and in this moment it happens. Finn’s old comrades come, Finn believes this is the end, but to his surprise they shoot Phasma down. Phasma is knocked down in the ruins of the Star Destroyer. But Phasma makes her escape with Hux.

What they chose to do with Phasma instead

Just stands there doing nothing

Has to be told by Kylo Ren to lead a massacre on Tuanul

Is not even acknowledged by Snoke

Is easily coerced into lowering the shields of Starkiller Base. Is thrown into the trash compactor and makes me wonder why would Gwendoline Christie even agree to star in these movies

Stupidly decides to execute Finn and Rose as a spectacle instead of just shooting Finn and Rose right then and there.

Phasma has a hidden blaster and doesn’t use it against Finn

Phasma is only brought back for toys to sell and for Phasma to pointlessly die....again.

Only lets Phasma to be a character in her novel. In her novel she is a completely different and better character. In the novel  which is a fascinating study of how utterly ruthless and selfish she is, how completely dedicated to her own survival at the expense of others, and how there is no one and nothing she would not betray to further herself. It’s about peeling back the layers of a seemingly perfect First Order warrior to show her morally empty core, and with it the rottenness of the First Order itself. The novel shows with unsettling clarity that, under all the pretty words about the ideals of justice and order, the First Order is a place where actual idealistic soldiers are used and then thrown away (see: Finn, Cardinal) while backstabbers, abusers, and murderers like the two Huxes and Phasma are actively shielded and rise to the top. Phasma is a survivor. She will always align herself with the most powerful force. Phasma is extremely intelligent and a brilliant battlefield commander. Outside of the movies, she’s lost approximately one fight. Ever. the movies portray her as a minor annoyance but in the book she is the most badass human to ever live and I’m upset with how they’ve treated her. But really, what would’ve helped Phasma is her deleted death scene. I will never understand why this was deleted. Finn calls her out about her betrayal of lowering the shields and when this information is revealed, the Stormtroopers near her look suspicious and it looks as if they are going to turn on her. Phasma like the ultimate survivalist she is kills them with no hesitation. Finn cuts her hand off and blasts her into the abyss, giving Phasma a more deserving and better send off. Seriously, this is way better than their actual confrontation.  What I really like about this scene is its direct connection to The Force Awakens plot point and that it acknowledges Phasma’s survivalist attitude which was introduced into her novel.

List of ways they could’ve handled Snoke in TLJ

Show Snoke completing Kylo Ren’s training

Make Snoke the darkness Palpatine was sensing in the Endgame novels

Have Snoke give Kylo Ren one final test, killing his mother General Organa

Order Kylo Ren and the Knights Of Ren to Ach-To to kill Luke Skywalker and bring Rey to him

Have Snoke force Rey to kill Kylo and turn Rey to the dark side. Snoke knows who Rey truly is. Snoke will reveal that Rey was an experiment by Palpatine on his lab on Jakku. The people who she thought were her parents were just random junkers who sold her for a ship. Snoke manipulates Rey into joining him. “The belonging you always sought all your life, was by my side. Strike Kylo Ren, as you should have on Starkiller Base and take your place as my apprentice.” We have a fight that feels real and a fight we care about because we know these characters and not faceless guards who do not just die. But as we believe it’s going to go down as it was in ROTJ by having Rey be the strong heroine who throws her lightsaber away, instead Rey kills Kylo Ren and becomes Snoke’s new apprentice. “You have done well, my apprentice, heir to Palpatine, daughter of darkness. Hence forth, you shall be known as Darth Solitudis” Rey will make the Galaxy feel the loneliness and despair she felt all her life. Only Finn can bring her back to the light or stop her if he must.

Show Snoke using Battle Meditation against The Resistance, while Leia uses BM against Snoke. Leia’s will against Snoke’s might over Ach-To, while Snoke is trying to kill Luke, Leia is trying to save her brother. 

Make Snoke Darth Plagueis. It ties everything together. Darth Plagueis supposedly figured out the secret to immortal life, basically. Imagine if J.J. went with this  - Darth Plagueis trained Darth Sidious - also shared his dream of galactic conquest with his young pupil. When Sidious was strong enough, he 'killed' his master, as Sith tend to do... (or so he thought - more on this later). - Believing himself the one true powerful Sith Lord, Darth Sidious puts into motion his plan to take down the Republic and more importantly, the Jedi Order. He uses the power that Darth Plagueis taught him and creates Anakin (this has all but been confirmed) putting into motion the eventual destruction of the Jedi via 'the Chosen One' prophecy. - Fast forward, Darth Sidious goes ahead and does all the very hard work in building the Galactic Empire, taking over more and more systems... his reign over all of the galaxy was near complete when Luke Skywalker joined the rebellion and threw a lightsaber in his plans. - Meanwhile, Darth Plageuis (who has all the time in the galaxy, being able to transfer his essance when needed - nothing new in Star Wars when it comes to Sith) is watching from afar. HE is the TRUE puppet master, manipulating even Palpatine - he sits back while his puppet unifies the galaxy under one rule, only to one day return and take it. - Seeing what Skywalker did puts fear into Darth Plagueis' heart -- "SKYWALKER MUST NOT BE ALLOWED TO LIVE". -He manipulates young Ben, hoping to one day turn Ben against Luke... However, Kylo seems to be a constant disappointment to 'Snoke'. Perhaps he creates Rey with the intention of turning her and making her his new powerful apprentice - Kylo Ren is given the task of finding the girl and bringing her before him. -His plan was to transfer his essence into Kylo and turn Rey to the dark side and destroy Skywalker and The Resistance

What they chose to do with Snoke instead

Snoke died pointlessly without doing anything with him. Supreme Leader Snoke is wasted and there is no reason to care now that the villain you’ve been building your trilogy around is dead. Snoke’s death was too soon. Snoke is a dark side user. Calm and collected. Old enough to see the rise and fall of the empire. He takes no risks and does what it takes to win. He was different from Palpatine and I dare say he even had potential to rival Kreia. He was a mastermind and did not allow himself to be a slave to the dark side. He did not want his apprentice to die like the Sith masters of old. He did not want to keep power until his dying breath. Snoke was not the average Sith Lord, he was different.  He was respectful, he was very powerful, and watching his scenes, even when faced with failure, he remained calm and collected because he was playing the long game and was not a slave to the Darkside like the Sith. He was invested in turning Kylo Ren into Vader’s heir and even has a ring from the catacombs of Vader’s castle. Snoke was so interesting, so many unanswered questions and this well thought out villain. And then TLJ turned him into a dumbed down Palpatine rip off. The claim that Snoke and his backstory is not important is dumb, considering that we know nothing on why this war is even happening or even why The First Order is doing ANYTHING! We want to know who Snoke is because we want to know how this random evil guy was able to destroy the lives of the entire original trio, corrupted Ben Solo and override the happy ending the entire original trilogy and prequels were fighting for. The struggles of the prequels, the clone wars, rebels, original trilogy, all of these stories and struggles were undone because of Snoke, so of course we have questions. Why do the remnants of the Empire follow Snoke and where did he come from? Not wanting to know the motivation of the villains is just plain ignorant. They completely wasted Snoke. Snoke is a power from the unknown regions. He was SO powerful that Palpatine sensed him, Palpatine was so focused and invested in Jakku in hopes of getting closer to the Unknown regions and he wanted to meet what he believed was the source of the dark side of the force. And they just kill him off so easy? Now there is no reason to care. Kylo Ren is not an intimidating villain and it’s pretty obvious he’s turning to the light in Episode IX. Hux is a bumbling incompetent fool and I’m pretty sure they already confirmed he will be more comedic in Episode IX instead of being a threat. There is a villain problem for the Sequel Trilogy. There is no menace in The First Order anymore and I really feel there is no reason to care.

Pointlessly tried to kill Rey instead of trying to turn her

“Your Snoke theory sucks” card is patronizing and insulting. God fucking forbid your audience is fucking invested in the story. God forbid we actually care about learning about the big bad of the sequel trilogy. God forbid we put more thought into Snoke than you did. “Your Snoke theory sucks” no Rian, your Snoke card sucks, your inability to do ANYTHING with Snoke sucks and talking down to us for caring about the direction of the big bad and killing him for no reason sucks. You arrogant piece of fucking shit.

Because Snoke was killed, they copped out and lied out their asses that it was always the plan to bring back Palpatine....bullshit. “oh but wait Snoke was a host body for Palpatine” BULLFUCKINGSHIT. Not originally. Snoke was someone who was supposed to be the darkness Palpatine was trying to get closer. Snoke was the man who destroyed 30 years of peace. He could’ve been anyone, hell even Darth Plagueis. But no, why create interesting characters when you can bring Palpatine back because it’s obvious you have no original ideas.

List of ways they could’ve handled Luke in the sequel trilogy

Actually use Luke in The Force Awakens. Don’t waste Mark Hamill. Don’t exclude him from marketing. Don’t force him to be on a mountain and say no lines whatsoever.

Have Luke’s big reveal be on Starkiller Base. Use Mark Hamill’s suggestion. ‘You can still have me come in at the very end, but how about this. How about Leia’s trying to contact me telepathically, she gets frustrated because there’s no answers, so she rushes to the new Death Star’–that’s three, so far.”He continued, “‘And she almost gets there but she gets stopped by two Stormtroopers and, just before she’s abducted, one Stormtrooper turns to the other one, blows him away, pulls off his helmet and says “Hi, sis, I’m here to rescue you.”‘ I say, ‘It’ll blow the roof off the joint, I’m still in it at the very end.‘”“I think it’s more effective to have people that really have a history with Han Solo witness his death and be unable to stop it,” the actor claimed. “His wife, the mother of his child, his best friend, instead of two characters that have known him, what, 20 minutes?”

Use Mark’s other suggestion. After Finn is knocked unconscious, have the person who lifts the Skywalker Lightsaber be Luke. Luke duels Kylo and defeats his nephew and saves Rey and Finn. I know Jedi and force sensitives are more durable than normal people, but if you are thrown into a tree, you are going to be unconscious for at least an hour. So yes Luke being the one to lift the lightsaber would’ve been much better. It would’ve been a great entrance. The entire audience would have been cheering as they witness Luke’s return. Luke helps Chewie getting Rey and Finn aboard the Falcon and returns to D’Qar. Reunites with Leia and ends with Luke, Rey and Finn flying to the Ancient Jedi Temple on Ach-To preparing to train the new Jedi.

Luke grieves for Han

Luke actually trying to help Ben as a Padawan, but it is in vain as he already turned to the dark side and made his choice.

Luke will tell Rey why he left the map behind. He wanted Leia to come and find him. It is revealed that Luke  did not run away, did not even consider running away, but rather went looking for the Jedi’s beginnings find the balance of dark and light–Luke Skywalker felt Rey and Finn awaken across half the galaxy, and settled on Ach-To, and waited.

Let Luke and Rey have a meaningful mentor and student relationship. Luke trains Rey, Rey develops her skills and Rey has a father figure that shows her place in the galaxy

Reveal that Luke is Rey’s father. After Rey falls into the dark side cave, Luke finds her and brings her near the fire and is there to comfort her. Then the revelation happens. Rey says “I’ve never felt so alone.” And we get Luke telling her “the force is strong in my family. My father had it, I have it, my sister has it and my daughter has it” “There is a reason you dreamed of this place.” “You were never meant to be left on Jakku…I thought you died the night in the academy.” “All those years. I was so alone.” “I know. I’m sorry.” “Did you ever try to find me?” “Of course. For so long I searched the galaxy for you. Everyone said that you had died that night in the temple, that I should give up searching. But through the force, I could still feel you. I knew you were still alive. Every face I seen, it was your. Every voice I heard, it was yours. It drove me crazy. I came to this island, turned away from the force because it was so hard. Feeling that you were somewhere in the galaxy and being unable to find you. Seeing you in front of me right now… I’ve never felt so lucky.” And Rey with tears in her eyes. “I waited so long for you and your finally here” they embrace, father and daughter reunited.” Rey then asks about her mother. Luke sadly says “her name was Mara Jade and she loved you very much.” Rey why she was left on Jakku. “Because of your cousin Ben, Kylo Ren.”  Luke tells her that after a decade of training Ben, and fighting to keep the dark side at bay, Ben turned to the dark side because his family kept the secret that Darth Vader was his grandfather. He still wanted to help his nephew and save him from Snoke. One night he went to him to talk to him, Ben saw this as Luke being afraid of his power and Ben was the one to strike first. And then he woke up to see the other Jedi Masters dead. His wife Mara Jade dead and even the younglings dead. Only six other Jedi left with Ben, those who would become the Knights Of Ren. Rey left with Ben because she trusted her cousin and she couldn’t find Luke or Mara.  and Ben left her on Jakku where no one would ever find her because a part of him couldn’t kill his cousin.

If we had to have a broken Luke, what would bring him back, is his father. Basically have a Lion King moment with Anakin and Luke. "You have forgotten who you are and so have forgotten me. Look inside yourself Luke, you are more than what you have become.“ would’ve meant more in my opinion if it were Anakin who reached out to Luke than Yoda.

Luke wants to save Leia. He  lifts his X-Wing and heads towards The Supremacy. Boards the ship and confronts Snoke. Luke will reveal his Green Lightsaber and Snoke’s own Black Lightsaber. They fight, while Rey and Kylo fights. Luke defeats Snoke, but Kylo cuts Rey’s hand off. Enraged, Luke knocks Kylo out with a force repulse. So Luke gives Chewie the signal and gets Rey to safety, while Luke heads back to his X-Wing.

On Crait as Finn is about to make his sacrifice, we see Luke’s X-Wing firing and destroying the mini death star.

Luke is actually there with his moment with Leia. He is there in person, not a force projection, he. is. there.

A true fight between Luke and Kylo. Kylo Ren orders every ship to fire on Luke AT-M6’s all firing but to everyone’s surprise, all blasts stop frozen in midair. Luke wipes the salt off his robes and sends the turbolasers right back at the AT-M6s and TIE-Fighters. Brings down the transports and Kylo’s shuttle and the Star Destroyers in orbit. Kylo descends from his crushed shuttle, preparing to kill his uncle. We have a real lightsaber battle between Luke and Kylo. Luke has his green lightsaber. Their blades clash. Their dialogue remains the same, but Luke is there. Luke is toying with Kylo, similar to how Vader toyed with him on Bespin.  When Kylo makes his dramatic slut ™ lunge at Luke, but Luke dodges and cuts Kylo’s hand off. And finally Luke gives his “see you around kid” but Luke does not die, he leaves to board his X-Wing

It ends with Rey, Luke and Leia together, brother and sister holding onto Rey’s hand. A father and his daughter and her aunt. “We have everything we need

What they chose to do with Luke instead

Luke is not marketed at all in The Force Awakens and is on a mountain and is only there as a cameo with no lines whatsoever

The Force Awakens established that Luke left a map to be found. It is never brought up. Han said he left to find the Temple to the First Jedi. It is never brought up. Funny how what was established is never brought up in the movie whatsoever

Luke, Han and Leia do not reunite at all.

Luke gives up. Luke Skywalker is a beacon of hope and optimism and love against all odds, and the fact that that was twisted into being depicted as some foolish youth naivety, and that the only way to make him “human” was to retract all that and make him a bitter, jaded man is so fucking disgusting. Even more disgusting is in TLJ novelization had him dreaming of never leaving Tatooine and having him live under the Empire’s dominance. He does not even care that his sister’s life and the Resistance she is leading is in danger. Jedi do not give up. You might say that Yoda and Obi-Wan also gave up. But for those two, the Sith took over the galaxy, they had to go into hiding to protect and guide Luke and Leia. Obi-Wan wanted to save Leia and guide Luke. Yoda always wanted to train Leia as a Jedi and bring Anakin back to the light. He was reluctant to train Luke but he still did his duty as a Jedi Master. They did not just give up and wanted to die and they did not betray their characters at all. Luke spends most of Last Jedi on a windswept island, brooding in solemn silence and frozen by indecision. He doesn’t connect with Rey on any meaningful level, doesn’t impart wisdom or knowledge, and never reasserts himself as the powerful Jedi he once was. A brief physical duel against Rey ends with her as the undisputed victor, completely killing his deserved mythos and her potential character arc in one fell swoop. It’s clear in that moment that he has nothing to teach her, and nothing to contribute to the overall narrative. The boundless potential that seemed poised to explode at the end of The Force Awakens fizzles here but never ignites.  And without any training at all, Rey defeats Luke Skywalker and Luke acts all cowardly and begs her to leave. He does buy The Resistance time and saves his sister, but it was ultimately pointless. He wasn’t even there and he dies pointlessly. What we got was not Luke Skywalker. Luke Skywalker is hope and optimism. Luke Skywalker is showing that no matter what, compassion, faith and love will always prevail. Luke is the hero that inspired an entire generations to aspire to be better, aspire to be heroes. Luke is what we wanted to see and what we got was not Luke Skywalker. Luke is someone who thought Doctor Aphra was a good person, she proves him wrong but he still had that hope for her. Luke believed that Darth Vader of all people still had good in him and was willing to die and he was able to reach his father. In Battlefront II’s Story, Luke saves Del Meeko because he asked and he offered Del a better life, a choice. Inferno Squad has committed atrocities in the name of the Empire, yet Luke still gave Del Meeko a chance. Canon Luke Skywalker is a kind hearted hero who will never run from a fight or knowingly leave a loved one in danger and will even save his enemy. This is Luke Skywalker. Luke is compassionate, adores his family, would never leave them. The Luke Skywalker I knew would never even think about killing his nephew in his sleep when there is always another way. Luke believes in the light and was willing to die to save his father. Darth Vader committed atrocities for decades, Luke still believed there was good in him. He would never give up on his family nor would he even consider killing his own nephew in his sleep just because he sensed darkness there. He would never abandon his sister at death’s door when she needed him most. The Hero’s Journey that he was following was ignored completely and he just gave up and wanted to die. And he dies instead of reuniting with Leia properly. Mark Hamill wanted Luke to live until Episode IX where he would pass on what he learned to Rey. No big battle with Snoke, no passing on, instead Luke dies and all we’re getting is force ghost Luke. Luke Skywalker was a hero to an entire generation.  Luke was the true heart of Star Wars. His was the journey we followed from idealistic farm boy dreaming of adventure, to reluctant warrior, and finally to savior of the entire galaxy. The original trilogy built him up, and The Last Jedi finally broke him down. I for one mourn my hero’s passing.  

Luke Skywalker tries to murder his nephew in his sleep and  is blamed for Ben Solo’s fall and Kylo Ren. Luke would not even think of trying to kill his nephew in his sleep. He would try to talk to him and try to pull him back to the light. His sister brought Ben there for protection and guidance. Even if that did fail, you did not need to make Luke attempt to murder him. You did not need to make Luke, Leia and Han at fault for Kylo Ren. Kylo is a grown ass man, he is responsible for his own actions. Kylo was going to murder the Jedi and younglings regardless, he already fell to the dark side. No one is responsible for Kylo’s actions but Kylo Ren. Boy, I sure do miss Legends Luke and Jacen Solo

Rey and Luke have no meaningful relationship. There is no teacher and student relationship. Luke teaches her nothing. Rey is already all powerful for…..reasons. He doesn’t even impart any sort of wisdom, guidance or a semblance that they even had a relationship or that he taught her anything. All he was towards Rey was a bitter old man trying to get the girl to leave her lawn. And all of a sudden “we passed on all we know” SINCE FUCKING WHEN??? Rey learned nothing all movie and we are to expect she learns everything off screen. We were deprived of a positive Rey and Luke mentor and student relationship and we were given complete garbage. What we should’ve gotten was Luke teaching Rey to feel the force, to build her own lightsaber and that attachments can lead you to the dark side if you let them, but they won’t lead you to darkness if you control your emotions. A battle between Rey and Luke against Kylo and the Knights Of Ren. Rey abducted and Luke has to lift his X-Wing and board the Supremacy to save Rey. Luke fighting Snoke and Rey against Kylo. Rey loses her fight and loses a hand. Luke stops Snoke and takes Rey to escape. Luke blasts away the battering laser. Fights Kylo on Crait with his green lightsaber. Escapes and reunites with Leia and Rey. Instead we are given nothing.

Luke doesn’t grieve for Han. Han Solo is Luke’s best friend. They have been together for decades. We are not allowed to see Luke react to Han’s death or Luke to grieve that his best friend is dead. Han was a big influence and friend it was dismissed as if he barely knew him. To quote Mark Hamill on the matter “They had time for me to milk that big alien but to show any human emotion? Nah”

Luke’s last moment with Leia is ultimately pointless. He was there as a projection. His last moment with Leia was made meaningless. He wasn’t even there. It was a great moment with Mark and Carrie, but it was ultimately a giant fuck you to everyone who loved Luke and Leia and wanted to see them reunite.

Luke’s confrontation with Kylo is ultimately meaningless. We are not allowed to see Luke Skywalker as a powerful Jedi Master. He does not wield his Green Lightsaber, he does not bring down all the AT-ATs, the transports, shuttles or bring down the star destroyers in orbit. He’s not even there thus making the confrontation with Kylo ultimately pointless. He toys with Kylo, but we don’t see a lightsaber fight between them.

Luke is only coming back as a force ghost and from the sound of it, it will only be a cameo.

Mark Hamill was ultimately disgusted with the direction they took with Luke. He is heartbroken that he never got to reunite with his friends and that Carrie is no longer with us. He now wishes that he’s done with Star Wars. He went from being excited to returning to the role that made his career and the character that he loves so much to being broken and apathetic. Crying on set and just being absolutely miserable throughout the whole affair. Mark did not return to play Luke Skywalker, he returned to play Jake Soywalker. It’s like Mark said “should’ve left well enough alone” Should’ve left the original trilogy alone and made your own story, but no, you had to break down Han, Luke and Leia to pointlessly build up these new characters. Mark Hamill and Luke Skywalker deserved better

List of ways they could’ve handled Han in the sequel trilogy

Make Han Solo a joint General with Leia in The Resistance.  Both Han and Leia lead the Resistance. When Poe hasn’t reported in, Leia sends Han to Jakku. Han has the Falcon. They find Rey, Finn and Poe under attack on Jakku, which leads to Han saving our heroes. “We’ve been looking for you kid.” Han chooses to go to Takodana so he doesn’t lead The First Order to D’Qar. We can see Han mentoring Rey about the Falcon and being a father figure to Rey and Finn. Instead of Maz’s talk of “Han, go home” Maz will simply tell Han. “Han, let him go. Your son is gone.” Han will simply say. “My son is still alive” When he sees Kylo abducting Rey, he knows it’s Ben. When he returns to Leia, keep in the “I found our son” Instead of giving the vibe that they split up, make it clear that Han and Leia have been married for over 30 years. They stood strong together despite the tragedy of their son. Han inspired Leia to form The Resistance after The New Republic abandoned her. Together they lead The Resistance in the hopes of finding Luke and their son. Their goodbye is pretty much the same, but Han kisses Leia goodbye. Han’s death remains the same because it was beautifully well done.

Have Han mention he spent years with Chewie and Lando searching the galaxy for his son and when he finally sees him, he is filled with  dread but still reaches out to his son.  

What they chose to do with Han instead

Pointlessly regress Han’s character. The Force Awakens undoes everything about Han’s character arc in the original trilogy.  Han starts out as a selfish smuggler who is COMPLETELY fine with letting other people die if it meant his own survival and goes through an internal and external journey to not only give a damn about his fellow person but also grow as an individual to be a hero that is willing to risk his own safety for a much larger cause than himself. And all that character development is thrown out the window.  The new canon is dead set on making Han a bad father. They made it so that Han goes back to smuggling. Han learned that there is something more than smuggling and Han and Leia breaking up because their son turns to the dark side? Han would never leave Leia or abandon his child. It is simply bad writing to redo his entire arc from the original trilogy again and to make him a bad parent when it is out of his character to do so. Legends understood Han and Leia better. Han and Leia stood strong in their marriage for 3 decades despite a hostile extra Galactic invading species killing both Chewbacca and their 14 year old son Anakin, their other son Jacen becoming a Sith, him killing Luke’s wife Mara, and having to be killed by his twin, their daughter Jaina. And they both still kept up their roles as a General and Chief of State/Ambassador.

Not giving Han Solo, an iconic hero a funeral or even a memorial. 

No one is allowed to grieve for Han Solo. Not his wife and mother of his son, not his best friend for decades and had a life debt to Han or even his brother Luke. I doubt they will even let Lando grieve for Han

Not really about Han...but the treatment of Chewbacca. Chewie is not allowed to mourn the death of his decades-long companion to whom he owed a life debt nor is he allowed a moment of forgiveness and reconciliation with Luke. Nor is he given a scene mourning the deaths of Han and Luke with Leia. What does Chewie get? Barely any screen time, Rey has to translate Chewie to Luke WHEN LUKE KNOWS HOW TO COMMUNICATE WITH CHEWIE and instead of just letting him eat in peace, he is made to feel guilty of his predator nature and is used as a bad “eating animals is bad” message. He doesn’t even try to talk Rey out of her dumbass plan and is used as a matchmaker tool for her and Finn. His biggest moment is a fucking comic relief scene with Porgs. In this new trilogy they don’t treat Chewie like a person. I was pretty appalled in TFA too, when Chewie and General Organa literally ignore each other, walk past each other without so much as a glance and then Rey gets a hug? Chewie was Han Solo’s companion and best friend for at least a half-century, stuck with him when Han and Leia broke up, and he’s not even allowed to mourn onscreen? Chewie and Leia don’t even interact during the end of TLJ at all. Chewie is not allowed to mourn for any of his best friends at all nor is he allowed to try and talk Rey out of her obvious dangerous plan by going to the man WHO KILLED HIS BEST FRIEND, in what way would Chewie even be okay with that? This is a day later, a single day and the wounds are still fresh. And he is mainly used as comic relief and is not used as a character and hero of the rebellion nor is he allowed to grieve. Chewbacca deserved so much better.

List of ways they could’ve handled Leia in the sequel trilogy

Leia is Chancellor of The New Republic and Jedi Master who leads The New Republic against The First Order

Leia using Battle Meditation to lead The Resistance to victory in battles against The First Order

Leia taking up her old Yellow Lightsaber one last time to fight Snoke and face her son

Leia actually being warm, understanding and loving, but firm when it comes to Poe. Leia openly slapping and stunning Poe was nothing like Leia in the OT. It just made her extremely unlikable. Poe saw the bigger picture, Leia did not.

The Supremacy boards The Raddus and Leia surrenders and offers herself to become a hostage to save The Resistance. This gives us the opportunity to see Leia confront Snoke and Leia actually having screen time with her son. Snoke’s plan is to use Leia to draw Luke and Rey out of hiding. It would’ve been more meaningful if we got to see scenes with Leia and Kylo, who actually have a connection. Rey and Kylo was not meaningful. We needed to see Leia and her son interact. We needed to see Leia trying to reach her son but falling on deaf ears as her son has truly fallen to the dark side, yet despite all this, Leia forgives him and Kylo would just break down and have his famous tantrum attack. The scenes with Kylo and Leia could have been the most heartbreaking thing to witness. This will also give us Luke sensing his sister is in danger and allowing himself to feel the force, free his X-Wing and save his sister. This will also give Poe and Finn the mission to find Rose(this time a Resistance Hacker) and to disable The Supremacy so The Resistance can mount a rescue operation. Everything comes full circle. Save Leia, Luke rescues his sister, Luke confronts Snoke and Kylo confronts his mother and then Rey. There you go I single-handedly made The Last Jedi a better movie.

Leia actually affecting the plot of TLJ and isn’t in a coma for 90% of the movie.

What they chose to do with Leia instead

Not making Leia a Jedi. The new trilogy was DEAD SET on not making Leia a Jedi. Empire Strikes Back and Return Of The Jedi said Leia has the potential to become a Jedi. “That boy is our last hope. “No there is another.” “The force is strong in my family, my father has it, I have it and my sister has that power.” Apparently JJ saw all that and thought “I think that all meant was to not make Leia a Jedi and just have spout off expository dialogue, break up the most iconic relationship in Star Wars for no reason and have her sit there and do nothing all movie” The last two movies were setting Leia up to be a Jedi and they did nothing with her. She could’ve been a Jedi Master and a politician but chose not to. For whatever stupid reason they did not want Leia to be a Jedi.  Leia could have used Battle Meditation to ensure the destruction of Starkiller Base was a success. and then used it to ensure the safety of the Resistance in TLJ, but they thought turning Leia into a Mary Poppins meme was the best possible use to give Carrie a swansong.

Spout expository dialogue and do nothing

Making facial expressions and doing nothing

Carrie FIsher was forced by Lucasfilm to lose weight in order to return and it costed her, her health. Carrie was perfectly healthy before that diet was forced on her and she did little to nothing all sequel trilogy, so she was told to lose weight at the cost of her own health so she can do nothing all movie, have no emotional connection with her son, grieve for Luke or Han or actually be significant to the Rebellion she has been leading all her life

Not mourning her husband or showing her grieve AT ALL

Leia does not grieve with Chewie, she even hugs Rey instead of Chewie

Leia does not mourn for Luke or Han

Becoming a Mary Poppins meme, unconscious for 90% of the movie, be unlikable and slap and stun your second in command and do nothing all movie. TLJ does absolutely nothing with Leia. Carrie Fisher is gone. The character herself does nothing to affect the plot. We all knew that Leia was strong and powerful with the force, but the way they decided to have it be shown is baffling. Instead of showing Leia using  the force to send the missiles flying at Kylo’s wing men or use Battle Meditation to inspire the Resistance to fight, instead we see the most impressive, and stupid looking, display of force powers, nothing follows from that. Leia goes into a coma for most the movie and then just hangs around. Isn’t it weird that Leia, one of the most important characters in the entire franchise only sees her brother for a moment, never mentions her husband, shares no screen time with her own son and isn’t even the focus in the very rebellion she’s been fighting for her entire life. In the end, all of her loved ones are dead, her son wants to destroy her legacy, her allies abandoned her, her soldiers were almost all killed, and due to Carrie Fisher’s passing, TLJ is her swan song and curtain call. One of the most iconic and empowering women in all of cinema gets to go out as a supporting character and Mary Poppins meme.

[tabloidtoc]

In Touch, January 27

You can buy a copy of this issue at my eBay store: https://www.ebay.com/str/bradentonbooks

Cover: The Royals Break Their Silence -- Prince Harry and Meghan Markle betrayed us 

Page 1: Contents 

Page 2: Who Wore It Better? Cate Blanchett vs. Camila Cabello, Cara Delevingne vs. Amber Heard 

Page 4: Australia on Fire -- stars send their love and money -- Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban, Russell Crowe, Chris and Liam Hemsworth, Hugh Jackman, Kylie Jenner, Kaylen Ward, Elton John -- to help go to currumbinwildlifehospital.org.au

Page 5: RHOBH cast members have accused Denise Richards of having an affair with co-star Brandi Glanville, Makeover of the Week -- Miley Cyrus’ modern mullet, Adele said she’d lost 100 pounds, Pat Sajak wants Ricky Gervais to speak at his funeral, Jodie Turner-Smith’s first crush was Pacey from Dawson’s Creek who was played by her now-husband Joshua Jackson 

Page 6: Crib of the Week -- Aaron Rodgers and Danica Patrick’s beachfront villa 

Page 8: Who should be on the Bachelor spinoff Listen to Your Heart -- Luke Pell, Derek Peth, Demi Lovato, Jed Wyatt, John Paul Jones, Hannah Godwin, John Mayer 

Page 9: Stella McCartney praises Joaquin Phoenix for wearing the same tuxedo for the entire awards season, Leonardo DiCaprio helped save a man who had fallen off a yacht, Man Candy of the Week -- Nathan Jenkins, Winner of the Week -- Timothee Chalamet wears a fan’s homemade t-shirt on the red carpet, Loser of the Week -- Jillian Michaels slammed for saying that fans stop celebrating Lizzo’s body 

Page 10: Up Close -- Who Let the Dogs Out? Angelina Jolie and daughter Vivienne walk their dogs

Page 11: Katy Perry and Orlando Bloom and their dogs Mighty and Nugget in Aspen, Amanda Seyfried and her dog Finn 

Page 12: Baby on Board -- Jenna Dewan, Jodie Turner-Smith and Joshua Jackson, Chloe Sevigny 

Page 14: Jennifer Lopez at the Palm Springs International Film Festival 

Page 15: Drew Scott and Linda Phan and Jonathan Scott and Zooey Deschanel at Disneyland 

Page 16: Andy Cohen and son Benjamin in Miami 

Page 18: John Cena on Jimmy Kimmel Live 

Page 19: Hilary Duff and new husband Matthew Koma honeymoon in South Africa, Tiffany Haddish at the premiere of Like a Boss 

Page 20: Brad Pitt and Bradley Cooper at the National Board of Review Annual Awards Gala, Karlie Kloss in New Zealand, Sarah Michelle Gellar wears Freddie Prinze Jr. pajamas 

Page 22: Robert Downey Jr. and Selena Gomez and Rami Malek at the premiere of Dolittle 

Page 23: Jennifer Aniston and Courtney Cox and Lisa Kudrow, Rihanna for Savage X Fenty’s Valentine’s Day collection, Anne Hathaway and husband Adam Shulman, Andrew Scott at the Critic’s Choice Awards 

Page 26: Cover Story -- Royals at War -- Prince Harry and Meghan Markle plunge the palace into chaos as they announce their financial independence from the monarchy. Now Queen Elizabeth, Prince Charles, Prince William and Kate Middleton are sharing their side of the story 

Page 32: Inside Ellen DeGeneres and Portia de Rossi’s bizarre world 

Page 34: Secret lives of YouTube stars 

Page 36: These ‘80s stars are still hot -- Tom Hanks, Demi Moore, Michelle Pfeiffer, Tom Cruise, Sarah Jessica Parker 

Page 38: Joaquin Phoenix and Rooney Mara trying for a baby 

Page 39: Kanye West obsessed with the movie Frozen II, The Bachelor Peter Weber is livid that producers brought Hannah Brown back, Star Sightings -- Teyana Taylor (pictured), Suzanne Somers, Jenna Dewan (pictured), Rose Byrne and Tiffany Haddish, 50 Cent (pictured), Taron Egerton (pictured) 

Page 40: Sandra Bullock and Bryan Randall on the rocks, Channing Tatum and Jessie J reunite

Page 44: The Big Interview -- Melissa Joan Hart on the pressures of Hollywood in her nearly 40-year career 

Page 52: Did I Really Do That? Golden Globes -- Lucy Boynton wore tinfoil, Jodie Comer borrowed from Baby Yoda 

Page 53: Dakota Fanning stole from Cinderella, Pierce Brosnan copied Col. Sanders 

Page 54: Animal Overload -- My cat looks like Jack Nicholson 

Page 56: Entertainment -- Katy Keene 

Page 58: My Night at Home -- Audrina Patridge 

Page 60: Double Take -- Will Smith and Martin Lawrence promote Bad Boys for Life in Paris 

Page 62: Horoscope -- Aquarius Ellen DeGeneres 

Page 64: Last Laughs

[thesummerstorms]

So I forgot to mention just because all of work has been crazy (since it was mother’s day, several local college’s graduations, and one of the local high school’s prom this weekend)

but I found out that unfortunately someone with good intentions informed Trump-supporter future Mega-Pastor-Conservative-Politician coworker that I liked Star Wars. So then he proceeded to tell me all his asinine opinions, ask for mine, then belittle me for them.

For instance, when asked what my lightsaber color would be I told him silver (which has been my dream since I first played Kotor 2, but Ahsoka’s look bad ass too) and he promptly told me that I was one of “those people” who ruined Star Wars for everyone else because I “couldn’t just stick to the classics”.

He asked me which of the movies was my favorite, and when I told him Rogue One, mocked me and said it was the worst movies because it didn’t have a “real Jedi protagonist” and there weren’t any characters he liked.

He then proceeded to tell me that Empire Strikes Back was the undisputed best “because it has the best critical review of all time”. Empire is in my top three, but I was annoyed so I started trying to explain all the narrative elements of Rogue One that I love and he cut me off “what are you a film critic” asshole, you just said-

He said he hates both Finn and Mace Windu. (Hmmm. Is anyone else seeing a pattern here?) Finn he just called “obnoxious”, but he also said the rise of the Empire was Mace Windu’s fault and that Mace Windu was just an asshole who was jealous of Anakin.

He’s a Kylo Ren stan and tried to explain to me that “Han wanted Kylo to kill him”. Wants Luke to be a Sith in the new movie. Likes Palpatine.

Says that he hates BB8 which is honestly such a minor thing but shut up, I love my round soccer ball son.

Started trying to interrogate me on the EU and The Clone Wars, but changed the subject when I started reference specific arcs, episodes, and novels for my opinions bc he realized he wasn’t gonna be able to pull the “I’m a better encyclopedia than you” bs.

He asked who my favorite character was again today, and I told him Mara Jade (who he had specifically mentioned mainly in her context as Luke’s wife several times) because I wasn’t about to mention Etain Tur-Mukan and risk finding out that he knew what RepComm was. Because he would 100% be one of those toxic and misogynistic asshole fans, and I would not be able to deal with that. 

But like... I recognize it’s fiction, but his larger preferences and reactions to fiction and, yes, to characters I hold dear tell me a hell of a lot about him as a person.

As does the way he reacts to my expressing any opinion at all. Glad you’re amused by this conversation (no I’m not) but literally badgering and poking at me until I talk to you then making fun of what I say is not a “fun nerd conversation”, it is not in any way amusing for me. 

He’s exactly the asshole I would block on tumblr, but there’s no way to block someone you’re stuck in a 10 x 10 concrete room with. 

[dcmaltbie]

Top Ten Star Wars Legends Storylines

When Star Wars was sold to Disney, the executives had a decision to make.  Will we bring the wealth of stories that populated the Expanded Universe (EU) or make new content? The decision was made to ditch the old story lines and create new and more relevant content for the consumers.  For those devotees who read the series and plundered the knowledge bases of the EU it as if our world had been taken away from us. Having read all the series and novels, I thought it would be great to rank the Top Ten Legends Storylines.

 10. Star Wars Legacy

        Legacy is a Darkhorse Comics series by John Ostrander that was released in 2006. It centers around the grandson of Luke Skywalker, Cade. For the first time, a person who could use the Force wasn’t necessarily a Jedi. Cade is an outlaw who uses drugs and thrives off personal attachment. As the Sith make yet another bid to take over the galaxy, Cade must come to terms with his troubled past if he is to save the universe from evil.  

 9. X-Wing Series

        This series was written by Michael A. Stackpole and Aaron Allston in 1996. In the initial offering Rogue Squadron, we were shown an entirely new set of characters. Legendary character Wedge Antilles, who flew in the first and second Death Star runs, is given a shot at teaching and leading a new host of Rebels into the fray against the Empire.

   8. Knights of the Old Republic

           This series by John Jackson Miller gave us our first look into the lives and times of the Jedi Order at its peak in power. Though it only ran for fifty issues this comic series was the first attempt, by then George Lucas, to make the franchise more transmedia. Several references from books, games and the movies all appear. The Zayne Carrick storyline is one of my favorite pieces from all of the Legends line up.

 7. Jedi Academy Trilogy

           Kevin J. Anderson wrote this trilogy about Luke Skywalker’s quest to rebuild the Jedi Order. As a child, these were the first Jedi books that I read. Luke searches the galaxy for able students to inhabit his new training facility on Yavin 4. When a dark spirit begins to influence one of his young trainees Luke must find a way to save his student and exile the spirit. As a writer, these books are important because later another book, I, Jedi, is written and inserts a new character and fixes problems that the readers had complained about.

 6. New Jedi Order

           This series of books made me love the EU. Luke has grown his group of students into a flourishing Jedi Order. In perfect timing, because a new and dangerous threat, the Yuuzhan Vong have appeared at the edges of known space. These new beings live outside of the Force, and their technology surpasses those of our heroes. Seeing the protagonists lose everything that they fought for in the Rebellion was a gut punch to fans. While the series has several page-turner novels, there are just as many that make reading them a chore.

5. I, Jedi

           Michael A. Stackpole published the first hardcover of this book on Star Wars Day in 1998. I am especially interested in this book because it is written in the first person, making it one of only two drafted in the EU. Corran Horn is a Corellian Security Forces officer who is recruited by Luke at his Jedi Praxeum on Yavin 4. Corran goes on to have a significant role in the New Jedi Order war with the Yuuzhan Vong, leading Jedi and New Alliance forces.

 4.  Star Wars: Republic

           In 1998 Darkhorse Comics ran over 40 issues of this closer take on the events that take place between Episode II and III. The writing is fantastic, introducing classic Star Wars characters Quinlan Vos and Aurra Sing, just to name a few. What is most enjoyable about these are the intimate moments you read between Anakin and Obi-Wan. When I saw the films, it made the story more rich and engrossing.

 3. The Thrawn Trilogy

           During the great speculations on what exactly would transpire in the films to come, I placed my bet on this one. Set in the time after the fall of Empire, a Dark Jedi attempts to turn Leia, her two oldest children, and Luke to the Dark Side. It also introduces some very critical characters in the years to come. Mara Jade is a Force-sensitive assassin sent by the Emperor to kill Luke. The two form a bond and eventually marry, producing a son named Ben. Grand Admiral Thrawn is a tactical genius who was fighting in the Unknown Regions during the rise of the Rebellion. What remains of the Empire falls into lock-step behind him, turning the tide in their struggle against the New Republic.

 2. The Darth Bane Trilogy

           Drew Karpyshyn wrote these novels starting in 2012, with the release of Path of Destruction. A look at the humble beginnings of the man who would become Darth Bane. It follows his training as a Sith Lord and his eventual destruction of the Sith Order. The following novels, The Rule of Two and Dynasty of Evil, show his search for eternal life and the training of his apprentice Zannah.

 1.   The Dark Lord Trilogy

 James Luceno wrote Labyrinth of Evil as the lead up to the novelization of Episode III. It follows Anakin and Obi-Wan on their search for the kidnapped Senator Palpatine. Luceno does an excellent job of showing the war’s effect on Anakin and how close to the Dark Side he has become. The action is nonstop with Yoda, Mace Windu, Dooku, and General Grievous all playing major parts in the warfare. Normally the novelization of the films are spot on from the script. This time Matthew Stover referenced the previous novel and introduced elements that weren’t in the movie. Possibly my most favorite Star Wars book is Dark Lord Rising by James Luceno. It goes into great depth about the inner turmoil that Anakin goes through as he transcends into Darth Vader. The final chapter shows something I have always been interested in, how did Obi-Wan know Anakin survived Mustafar.

 In the years that have followed the demise of the EU, there appears to be great promise. Chuck Wendig has written a trilogy of novels about the events directly after Episode IV and leading into Rogue One. Jason Aaron has taken over the flagship Star Wars comic series and has pushed it into a top seller at Marvel. In the films, I see similarities between characters from the EU and I am excited about the potential of these stories.

      REFERENCES

 Bricken, R. (2014, May 09). The 10 Best Stories In the Star Wars Expanded Universe. Retrieved January 20, 2017, from http://io9.gizmodo.com/the-10-best-stories-in-the-star-wars-expanded-universe-1574103684

Star Wars Legends: A Look at 10 of the Best Non-Canon Stories. (2015, October 28). Retrieved January 20, 2017, from https://grizzlybomb.com/2015/10/26/star-wars-legends-a-look-10-of-the-best-non-canon-stories/

Star Wars: Great Legends Stories You Should Read. (n.d.). Retrieved January 20, 2017, from http://www.denofgeek.com/us/books-comics/star-wars/246066/star-wars-great-legends-stories-you-should-read

Kamen, M. (2016, May 23). The lost riches of Star Wars' Expanded Universe. Retrieved January 20, 2017, from http://www.wired.co.uk/article/star-wars-expanded-universe-best

[flickdirect]

In 1992, DC Comics decided to create a crossover story that saw the Justice League battle Doomsday. However, unlike most of the DC comics, this story didn&#39;t end so well for our superhero friends and, shockingly, ended with Superman&#39;s demise. While some of the media felt it was nothing more than a publicity stunt, it created a three-part series including some of the bestselling and most well-received comic books in the history of DC comics. Since then, his death has been depicted in film, most recently in 2016&#39;s Batman v Superman, but now DC Universe Movies along with Warner Bros Animation is offering their version in July&#39;s The Death of Superman.

As the film begins, we see the Justice League, led by Superman (Jerry O&#39;Connell; Stand By Me), foil a plan by Intergang to kidnap the mayor. They were armed with Apokolips technology, which the Justice League sends to the lab for analysis. Meanwhile, Superman&#39;s Alter Ego, Clark Kent, is in a relationship with Lois Lane (Rebecca Romijn; X-Men) who feels he holds her at arm&#39;s length. As a compromise, Clark has Lois meet his parents when they come to town and at the same time, Superman gives Lois an "exclusive" - a look at the ship that brought him to earth.

Suddenly, a monster (Doomsday) hurdles to Earth and starts destroying everything and everyone in his path. The Justice League comes together to try and stop Doomsday, but all efforts are in vain as he takes them down one at a time. During a quiet lunch, Clark tells Lois his true identity only to be called away to help stop Doomsday. Lois and Jimmy Olsen show up on the scene just in time to witness Doomsday all but destroy Superman, who manages to kill Doomsday as the same time. As Superman/Clark lays dying, Lois runs to him, where he dies in her arms - or that is what we are led to believe. The ending leaves that in doubt, making way for next year&#39;s Reign of the Supermen.

O&#39;Connell portrays Superman with an array of tonal inflections and a depth that makes his demise sting that much more. He gives us an all too human side of the alien being and continues a long tradition set by his predecessors. Romijn is fine as his love and hardnosed reporter Lane but lacks a certain emotional depth that would make the audience feel sympathetic towards her. The supporting cast offers a litany of well-known names including Rosario Dawson (Luke Cage) as Wonder Woman, Rainn Wilson (The Office) as Lex Luther, Jason O&#39;Mara (Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.) reprising his role as Batman and the distinctive tonal quality of Nathan Fillion (Castle) as Green Lantern.

The field of animation has grown leaps and bounds as technology has evolved and The Death of Superman truly benefits from this as characters are "drawn" with depth and shadowing. The 1080p video showcases these tones nicely. Coupled with the DTS-HD Master Audio 5.1 the viewing experience is well worth it and enjoyable. The Deluxe Edition comes with a Blu-Ray disc, DVD disc, Digital HD, and a collectible Superman figurine. The combo pack has some nice extras including From the DC Comics Vault: Legion of Superheroes and Dark Victory: Part 1 and Part 2, as well as one featurette and a preview of the Reign of Supermen.

DC comic book fans will absolutely enjoy this rendition of The Death of Superman since it is well animated and sticks closely to the original source material. The script leaves a little to be desired at times with some cheesy one-liners; however, they aren&#39;t so bad as to be distracting.

If you are a DC Superman fan, I recommend splurging for the Deluxe Edition as it will offer what you are looking for, including the figurine.

Grade: B

About Allison Hazlett-Rose Allison Hazlett-Rose has always had a passion for the arts and uses her organization skills to help keep FlickDirect prosperous. Mrs. Hazlett-Rose oversees and supervises the correspondents and critics that are part of the FlickDirect team. Mrs. Hazlett-Rose attended Hofstra University where she earned her bachelors degree in communications and is Vice Chair of the Florida Film Critics Circle.

Read more reviews and content by Allison Hazlett-Rose.

via FlickDirect Entertainment News, Exlclusive Interviews, and Film Reviews

[gossipnetwork-blog]

Must-Watch TV Series in First Half of 2018 (Part 1 of 2)

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Must-Watch TV Series in First Half of 2018 (Part 1 of 2)

As we welcome 2018, a bunch of new and returning series are coming to accompany you on your free nights. Ranging from sci-fi to comedy, there are a lot options that may give you a hard time to choose. But worry not, since AceShowbiz has presented a quick guide to help shorten your list. The article is divided into two parts based on their genres.

In this first part, we will discuss about fan-favorite genres of all time, superhero and sci-fi, as well as revival and returning shows. For those who love DC Comics superheroes, you are free to take an extra dose since more DC-related series such as “”, Superman prequel “” and and “” returning to the small screen.

RETURNING SERIES

THE X-FILES Premiere Date: January 3, 2018

Who is excited for a brand new season of “”? The new season of the popular sci-fi series will once again see and reprising their roles as agents Mulder and Scully respectively in more thrilling adventures, which may be the last time for Anderson playing Scully as the actress once hinted so.

The 6-episode season 11, which arrives after the successful 2016 revival, is promised to feature surprising twists, including Cigarette Smoking Man’s (William B. Davis) backstory, and his apparent family ties to Mulder. Still written by the original “X-Files” writers, including James Wong, Glen Morgan, Darin Morgan and creator Chris Carter, the new season is set to have a big time jump. Mulder and Scully’s son William, whom she gave up for adoption 15 years ago, plays a big part in the new season as the twosome tries to find the missing boy.

THE ASSASSINATION OF GIANNI VERSACE: AMERICAN CRIME STORY Premiere Date: January 17, 2018

Following Emmy winner “People v. O.J. Simpson”, the next installment of Ryan Murphy’s popular anthology series “” is finally coming very soon. Titled “The Assassination of Gianni Versace”, the sophomore season tackles the murder of famed fashion designer Gianni Versace in Miami in July 1997. The new season follows the story before and after the main murder, something which viewers didn’t get to see in the first season of “American Crime Story”.

“Versace” nabs %Edgar to play Gianni Versace , to star as his partner Antonio D’Amico, and Oscar-winning actress to portray Gianni’s sister Donatella Versace. “The Assassination of Gianni Versace” marks Cruz’s first TV regular role, further raising the anticipation for the upcoming series. Also starring on the series is , who has been tapped to play Gianni’s killer Andrew Cunanan.

RUPAUL’S DRAG RACE ALL STAR 3 Premiere Date: January 25, 2018

Fan-favorite queens are returning for the third season of ” All Star”. Just like the previous seasons, the new season of the spin-off of Emmy-winning “RuPaul’s Drag Race” will see Mama giving a second change to ladies who failed to win previous seasons of “RuPaul’s Drag Race” to earn their place in the Drag Race Hall of Fame”.

Shangela, who stole people’s attention in the third season of the flagship series by making it to the top 5, is one of the returning queens. There is also Aja, who comes fresh off last season 9 of “RuPaul’s Drag Race” after nabbing the ninth place. The cast includes BenDeLaCreme, Chi Chi DeVayne, Kennedy Davenport, Milk, Morgan McMichaels, Thorgy Thor and Trixie Mattel. Season 9 was dubbed the show’s most-watched season ever. Thus, it’s no wonder that the expectation for the spin-off’s new season is increasing.

LUKE CAGE Premiere Date: TBA

After the critically-acclaimed first season, “” is set to return for a sophomore season in 2018. The Netflix series, which serves as the third Marvel Cinematic Universe-related show on the streaming service, follows former convict Luke Cage (), who possesses superhuman strength and unbreakable skin, fighting crime and corruption. The new season will see the return of the Los-Angeles street hero after previously joining forces with Jessica Jones, and Iron Fist on “”.

The freshman season of “Luke Cage” was praised for its immersive, socially conscious narrative and not to mention Colter’s stellar performance in portraying the character. Continuing the success, the second season is set to be an ambitious follow-up by featuring a slew of new characters, including John McIver and Tilda Johnson, who will definitely bring something to the table. And ‘ Iron Fist is set to make an appearance in the upcoming second season to boot!

ROSEANNE Premiere Date: March 27, 2018

One of the long-awaited revivals is “”. Offering a realistic portrayal of the average American family, the Golden Globe-winning series, which aired from 1988 to 1997, are loved by many, so when ABC announced its plan to revive the comedy, fans can’t wait to see the Conners back on the small screen.

“Roseanne” revolves around the Conner family, an Illinois working-class family. The reboot is poised to bring back the series’ signature way to tackle today’s issues through the relatable, hilarious and honest lens of the Conner household. The show brings back familiar faces, with Roseanne Barr reprising her award-winning role of Roseanne Conner, returning as the Conner patriarch, Dan Conner, as well as , Sarah Gilbert and Alicia Goranson (a.k.a. Lecy Goranson) in their respective roles. , who took over the role of Becky when Lecy exited, will also be featured on the upcoming series in an interesting role.

NEW SERIES: SUPERHERO & SCI-FI

BLACK LIGHTNING Premiere Date: January 16, 2018

The CW further solidifies its status as the home of DC Comics-related shows by having this new superhero series. In midseason, viewers will be introduced to Jefferson Pierce a.k.a. Black Lightning, who becomes a high school principal by day and fights bad guys by night. Cress Williams (“”, “”) portrays Black Lightning on the series. Retiring as the vigilante years ago, Jefferson Pierce has to don his suit again to save not only his family, but also the soul of his community as crime and corruption spread like wildfire.

The CW attempts to add diversity to its superheroes series. Although black superheroes are already featured on “”, “”, “Arrow” and “”, “Black which hails from “” creators Mara Brock Akil and Salim Akil, marks the first black superhero-focused show on The CW’s Arrowverse. So far, fans are excited for the new series, praising “Black Lightning” for bringing “Arrow”-ish vibe yet also promising some fun like “The Flash” and “Supergirl”.

ALTERED CARBON Premiere Date: February 8, 2018

Netflix is diving into sci-fi world with a new series titled “”. The 10-episode series is based on Phillip K. Dick Award-winning novel of the same name by Richard K. Morgan. The streaming giant has put everything at stake with this project, which reportedly costs $6 to $7 million per episode, making it Netflix’s most expensive genre show to date. Considering the budget, it’s no wonder that the company only wants to put it in the best hands in the field, tapping “” co-writer Laeta Kalogridis as writer and executive producer for the upcoming series.

Set 300 years in the future, “Altered Carbon” follows a dead soldier named Takeshi Kovacs, who is brought back to life through a new body, centuries after his mind was imprisoned “on ice.” Earth’s wealthiest man Laurens Bancroft puts him on a mission to solve a murder case of Bancroft himself. He wants Kovacs to find someone who murdered his previous body. As the investigation progresses, Kovacs comes to learn that his past isn’t nearly as buried as he thought. “” actor is set to play Kovacs, with ” portraying Bancroft.

TITANS Premiere Date: TBA

While Batman teams up with other superheroes in “”, his sidekick Dick Grayson a.k.a. Robin will form his own band of vigilantes on a live-action adaptation of “”. Set on an unnamed DC Comics digital service, “Titans” follows Dick () as he embarks on a journey to become the leader of the Titans in his quest to step out from the Caped Crusader’s shadow. The soon-to-be superheroes include Hawk, Dove, Starfire and Raven that come from every corner of the DC Universe.

Created by Greg Berlanti, the mastermind behind The CW’s Arrowverse, “Titans” has been garnering attention following the release of first-look photos of Grayson, Hawk and Dove. These superheroes look dope in their costumes created by Laura Jean Shannon, whose credits include “” and “”. Though it’s only a glimpse of the upcoming series, it could be an indication that it’s heading into the right direction.

KRYPTON Premiere Date: TBA

2018 may be one of the best years for DC Comics fans. In addition to “Black Lightning” and “Titans”, another DC-related TV series is coming. Syfy brings House of El in an upcoming series titled “”. The series will explore the lives of Seg-El, Superman’s grandfather, in the planet before the destruction.

While Superman story has been adapted into many forms, the highly-anticipated Syfy series arguably marks the first series to center on the legendary Man of Steel’s ancestors and homeworld prior to the doom. The new series seemingly will give a darker twist to its tone which distinguishes itself from other DC-related shows on TV right now such as The CW’s “” and “”, making it one of the must-watch series next year.

STARGATE: ORIGINS Premiere Date: February 15, 2018

Gaters, get ready for a new unexpected journey with “! Serves as the prequel of Saturn Award-winning “Stargate SG-1”, it follows Catherine Langford, daughter of archaeologist Paul Langford, who occasionally appeared on previous “Stargate” TV shows. Through the Stargate, which is ann alien Einstein-Rosen device which enables nearly instantaneous travel across the cosmos, Catherine is set to solve the mystery which lies ahead the Stargate in order to save Earth from an unimaginable darknesss.

The prequel series has “” actor Connor Trinneer reprising his role as professor Paul Langford. Meanwhile, Ellie Gal stars as his daughter, Catherine. The 10-episode series is written by Mark Ilvedson and Justin Michael Terry, who also has a starring role on the series.

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[lucaumbriel]

The Last Jedi spoilers (and a huge wall of text) under the cut

The opening was way too similar to Empire Strikes Back, the Rebellion, sorry, the “Resistance” has just destroyed the First Order’s big bad weapon, but despite this the bad guys are stronger than ever (no, seriously, they apparently have defacto rule of the Galaxy or something now, because apparently the destruction of one system means the entire Republic is gone somehow) and the good guys are on the run.

Rey is seeking training from Luke, which is also a plot point lifted directly from ESB, but is done in a completely different way so it’s not something I hold against the movie. The training itself, however, is lack luster and feels more like something you’d see stretched out across an entire episodic season crammed into as little screen time as possible between everything else that’s going on. And I really didn’t like how they started going the route of “well, the Jedi need to die, but that doesn’t mean there are not going to be any more force users”, like they were going to have Luke get Rey to gut the tradition and legacy and keep everything else to sort of found a brand new order without any of the “you should fear the dark side because it’s the dark side and don’t ask questions about it because you shouldn’t be asking about that” and the removal of emotions and attachments and so on, and then go right back to “actually, nah, Rey’s gonna tell Luke that the Jedi are cool and that’s gonna change his mind and he’s even gonna acknowledge her as a jedi cause the jedi are cool and we wouldn’t want to stray from that or anything even though Kylo explicitly said he’s not gonna be a sith”. Like, there were so so many other arguments Luke could have used to show how the Jedi are not the undisputed good guys (just look at the people who try to say how “the jedi are the actual bad guys” cause they steal babies and enforce a specific lifestyle and doctrine and anyone who doesn’t agree with everything gets thrown out, instead of just “the Jedi were egotistical, they all died cause Palpy fooled them”, which is the single weakest argument for “the jedi weren’t actually that good” I think I’ve ever seen and that entire scene just feels pathetic and annoying).

Which brings me to the next bit and my major criticism with the movie: they try to do to much. It feels like two or three movies, or most of a Netflix mini-series crammed into two and a half hours. It doesn’t let you really digest anything that’s happening and everything from the subplots to the main plot feels rushed and there are a lot of little things (like the fight between Luke and Kylo) that feel really tacked on despite them actually being pretty important overall to the story. Like, they could have stopped the film at several points (most notably after everyone got in the base), but it’s like they kept coming back with “and one more thing” (the bad guys have a canon that can blast through it, which actually would have made an interesting cliff hanger, if this were the Netflix mini-series it feels like), and then “one more thing!”, and then “one more thing!”

The conflict between Poe and the Admiral feels unnecessary. Yes, Poe was wrong to go behind her back, and more wrong to try and mutiny because the Admiral did actually have a fully fleshed out and usable plan that would have worked perfectly if Poe hadn’t sent Finn and Rose off to infiltrate the flagship and allow the code breaker to betray them for money, but his actions were still justified because instead of explaining the plan to him or anyone else, she intentionally kept him the dark and obfuscated what she had planned for no reason what so ever, seriously, there was no reason she couldn’t say “we’re going to load people in the shuttles, yes, I know they’re shielded and unarmed and will never outrun the destroyers, that’s why I’m going to stay behind and pilot the cruiser, we’re gambling on them not looking for smaller ships, so this should provide a decent distraction, the shuttles will be going to a fortress world were they’ll have enough power to contact our allies”, but no, she never says that, instead she just tells him “trust me” and “hope” and when he finds out about the shuttles she blows him off. Yeah, Poe is a hot head and all, but she’s a shitty leader if she can’t be asses to explain a simple plan to someone who you have no indication of being a defector or spy or anything else. The entire time it feels like either she’s the traitor like Poe thinks, or she’s trying to trick a traitor by using Poe or some shit but there’s no actual payoff to the entire subplot except “Poe was wrong and should have blindly trusted his leader who’s first conversation with him involved her verbally bitch slapping him and acting like he’s been nothing but a detriment to the entire Resistance.”

Over all, the film feels like an action movie, with a lot of space battles, amazingly choreographed fight scenes, lots of big loud energetic moments like them crashing through the casino, it doesn’t feel like a Star Wars movie so much as an abridged season of Clone Wars or Rebels.

Oh, and how can I forget Rey. She continues to be a Mary Sue, never suffering any real complications or failings, even in this film, her absolute biggest fuck up, getting herself captured thinking she can turn Kylo to the light side and together defeat Snoke, results only in Kylo killing his only superior and acquiring supreme control over the First Order, and then she escapes with no real consequences otherwise. And if you say “well putting the immature, hot headed, egotistical, man-child in charge of the First Order instead of the highly powerful, nearly all seeing, calm, collected, and very powerful mastermind who put the First Order together in the first place” a bad outcome from this and something that has in any way actually strengthened the Order, especially since we already see the conflict between Kylo and Hux growing worse and worse with every scene they’re in, then I don’t really know what to tell you except maybe watch the movie again and actually pay attention.

The fight scene between Kylo and Luke was awesome, though, again, very action movie and, like I said above, adds to the list of “they tried to do too much in one movie”. I like that if you pay attention, you can see that it was pretty obvious he was never actually there. Not only “how did he get into a base there’s supposedly only one way out of” but “how did he even get there in the first place?” the only ship we see is the sunken X-Wing that’s probably been there for way too long for it to still be usable, and then not only is he not even scratched by the ATs, he doesn’t even have any dust on him period, he’s using a lightsaber that we just saw sundered, and he’s adamantly refusing to even block Kylo’s attacks. The dice thing, however, was stupid and makes no fucking sense at fucking all. I was waiting for him to say the line, but he never did, you’re supposed to become more powerful that he could ever imagine, damn it.

Luke’s ascension also feels kinda tacked on and forced, epic as it was. Makes me think they were planning to kill each of the main three at the end of their particular movie. We’ll see how that holds up...considering.

Kylo’s continued indecision was good, as was the twist with him killing Snoke and then taking command instead of turning. I also liked the fact that he used his apparent execution of Rey to cover his actual execution of Snoke, which reminded me of the “you will kill Luke Skywalker” thing with Mara Jade in the comics, though I am a little disappointed that after everything from the first film, this is all we get with Snoke unless he revives himself somehow. Which would be stupid, honestly.

The fight scene with the honor guards was awesome, though Rey continues to prove that someone who grew up fighting rats on a farm with a staff is a match for much better trained fighters. I was fine with the scene, up until she and Kylo were both being choked out and she’s the only one who figures out how to escape and then gets to save Kylo. With everything else on top, it just adds to my dislike of her writing as I’ve discussed above. How Kylo finished off the last guard was awesome, though, and everyone in the theater cheered cause it was awesome.

All of this, and any other things I might have forgotten, I still loved this movie and it was great. Great fight scenes. Great space combat. The casino scene with all the aliens was great. Luke was great. Leia was great. That scene between Luke and R2, especially once he played the message, was great. Rey, Finn, Poe, and Rose maybe not great but they were ok. The scenes that reminded me of other movies, comics, TV series were all great (except maybe the elevator scene that paralleled Return’s Luke/Vader scene, that just felt kinda weird). The pieces were all great, it’s the bits between them that are more...eh, and while some of them are necessary, others, like I’ve said, feel tacked on or fall into “and one more thing” near the end.

Overall, I would rate this as one of the better Star Wars movies. It’s better than Empire (the filler of Star Wars), and definitely better than most of Clone “I hate sand”/forced romance Wars. If it had been a mini-series instead of a whole movie or some of its points had been cut from here and put in some EU materials or another movie somewhere, I think it would have come out better because they would have had more time to flesh things out and work with more of the points they raised up instead of it feeling rushed and crammed together. Empire, for its faults, still handles its two plots better than Last Jedi handled it’s three or four.

[jedimordsith]

Whumptober: Day 5

Today’s prompt was: gunpoint

Today’s excerpt is from: as as-yet-unpublished installment in the Sweet on You series

Leaving the x-wing in Artoo’s capable grasp, Luke vaulted out of the ship as soon as it touched down. 

Mara. He leaned on the bond with a concerted effort. Sweetheart, tell me where you are. 

The wall folded back, an image of the front placard of Mannarai Medical Center flashing across his mind. His gut knotted. Are you all right?  

Her response was garbled, scattered. Then she fell away again, slipping through his mental fingers like sand. Mara – stay with me.

The Med Center was close enough to the spaceport that it was faster to walk – run, really – through the connecting buildings and across the walkways that spanned between them than to try to secure a speeder. Racing through the ever-present masses of beings crowding the walkways and corridors, he kept trying to get Mara back. He guessed he was halfway to the med center when she came around, groggy and distressed. 

He ground his teeth when the wall promptly went back up. Frustration and worry burned in his chest as he stalked into the Med Center his cloak billowing around him as he strode directly to the intake desk. 

“How may I direct you?” the droid behind the desk asked, politely. 

“I need to see Mara Jade,” he told it, firmly. “She’s a patient – possibly still in emergency care.” 

The droid clicked away at its screen. “I’m sorry, we are unable to process requests to see that patient at this time.” 

“I need to see her.” She’s my wife. He bit his tongue to keep the words in – those records were sealed, and this wasn’t how it was supposed to come out. Surely his rank was enough. “I’m Jedi Master Luke Skywalker. Tell me what level authorization codes you need.” 

The droid cocked its head at him. “I’m sorry, Master Skywalker, your codes are irrelevant. We are unable to process requests to see that patient at this time.” 

“I see.” Spinning on his heel, Luke reached out. Mara was above him, somewhere. He headed for a lift. 

“Sir! Sir! This area is restricted! You can’t -.” 

Mara’s anxiety sang over the bond. Luke swept the protesting security droids aside with a shove of his hand and the Force. 

I’m coming, Sweetheart.

Stepping into a lift as it opened, he hit the button and sped up toward his wife.   --- 

The Force pinged and Luke slammed a fist against the lift’s control buttons. It dinged as it leveled off and the door whooshed open. Security was waiting. 

“Halt!” Four security droids and two humans leveled blasters at him. 

“Wait! Wait! He’s with us!” 

Luke’s head snapped sideways. “Wedge.”

Antilles skidding to a stop, flashing a badge Luke recognized as Iella’s. “He’s with us. I’ll take it from here.” 

The Sec officers muttered and grumbled, but lowered their blasters. Wedge grabbed Luke’s elbow and steered him right down the hall. 

“Where’s Mara?” Luke ran a critical eye over his friend. “What happened? And what happened to you?” 

“Job for Iella,” he said, his mouth flattening. “It went badly.”