#madderton angst

[writingformadderton]

Hesitate

Ships: Madderton, Jophie

Word Count: 6040

Summary: Richard takes a trip to his past, which leaves him panicked and Taron is the only one he opens up to. Only shortly after that Taron gets hurt by his father and Richard is the only one who can cheer him up. They realize how important they are for each other and Richard decides to open up about his feelings with some help from Sophie and Joe.

Additional Tags: angst, panic, comfort, cuddles, fluff, first kiss

Based on the song “Hesitate” by the Jonas Brothers

Richard plays with the remote control in his hand and chews on his lower lip. His mind is racing, questioning if he really should do this right now. It was dangerous to do such a thing now, at nine pm. If this went wrong, he would be up the whole night.

But if this all went well, he would be able to cope with this properly after all these years. He would be able to forget it.

Rich lets out a long breath and leans back in the sofa trying to sort his thoughts. “Just fucking do it,” He tells himself and growls softly. His eyes settle back on the screen and he takes a deep breath.

A few days ago, he suddenly had this brilliant idea how to tackle his childhood trauma. He could just watch the movie with what it all started. Maybe that would help him, knowing this little child wasn’t him anymore. Knowing he made it through filming this scene of abuse, made it through the bullying of his classmates. He made it.

But, actually doing it isn’t as easy as he thought it would be. Would it really help or make everything worse? If he fucked this up, he would be on his own, his best friend was filming abroad, who would be the only one he opens up to.

Richard sinks deeper into the sofa and stares at the screen. He doesn’t want to see it, but he can’t drag his eyes away from it. “Fuck,” he whispers and holds the pillow in his arms tighter. This was torture but he promised himself to watch it. To try and get through it. Otherwise he would try again. He feels panic taking over and takes a deep breath closing his eyes. Come on, focus. When he opens his eyes again, trying to blend out the sounds, tears are blurring his sight. He blinks them away and sees himself, knowing it is acted, but it kills him to watch it. Richard gags and shakes himself. “Come on..” he groans and forces himself to look back at the screen.

When the scene is done, hot tears are streaming down his face and fumbles for the remote wanting to turn it off. When he doesn’t find it he feels a new wave of panic taking over and he whines softly. Richard finally finds it and turns the TV off falling back onto the sofa and buries his face in his hands. He shouldn’t have done that. He shouldn’t have watched it. He shouldn’t have put himself through this.

Suddenly his doorbell rings and he flinches hard in fear, his heart racing. Richard pushes himself up and walks to his door slowly and quietly wiping his cheeks clean and taking a deep breath. He opens the door and frowns when he sees him.

“Surpri- Holy shit, mate, are you okay?!” Taron asks worried and watches him observantly.

“What are you doing here?” he asks, confused.

“I came home earlier, wanted to surprise you and come over,” Taron says and Richard nods. “What’s wrong?” he asks. Richard shakes his head tiredly and feels the tears welling up in his eyes again. He stares down on his feet as the tears fall down his cheeks and sniffs helpless. “Hey, Richie,” T says softly and puts the pizza he brought on the floor before cupping his face. “Hey, what’s going on?”

The softness in his best friend’s voice breaks his heart a little, not thinking he deserves it. His hands, warm from holding the pizza, pull him back into reality. “I just did something stupid.” he admits chocked up.

“What happened?” he asks carefully and lets his eyes wander all over his best friend. Looking into his eyes he can see something beside the sadness and that was panic. Pure panic. What the hell happened? “You’re having a panic attack?”

“Maybe,” he gets out with a shaking voice, laced in emotions. “I-Taron, I fucked everything up. I-I thought it would make everything better, b-but it didn’t a-and-” his voice cracks and he shuts his mouth, his body shaking with sobs.

Taron leans down and grabs the abandoned pizza. “Okay, let’s go inside, come on.” He grabs Richard’s hand and pulls him inside, closing the door and throwing the pizza onto the kitchen table. This could wait. He turns to his best friend and pulls him into a safe hug.

Richard clings onto Taron and buries his face in his shoulder trying to get himself together. How stupid must he look like, crying that heavy? But now that Taron is here and he doesn’t have to be alone with it only makes him cry harder, feeling his defenses breaking down.

Taron rocks them softly from side to side and his hand rests on the back of Richard’s head, fondling over his curls. He knows he’ll have to let him calm down and let everything out before talking about what happened. The sobs leaving Richard’s mouth are tightening his throat and he swallows hard. There was no time to get emotional, he has to be here for him and be fully focused on him. After a while Richard gets calmer in his arms and Taron’s hand wanders down, rubbing his back smoothly. “You wanna tell me about it?” he asks low voiced and Rich just shrugs his shoulders. “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want. But no matter what it is, I’ll still love you, mate.”

Rich smiles weakly at that and holds him tighter for a moment. “Thank you.”

“Of course,” Taron assures him and pulls back a bit. “Wanna sit down on the sofa a bit?” Rich nods slowly and looks down at the floor again. T offers him his hand and Richard takes it. Taron squeezes it and fondles over his knuckles as he walks them to the sofa. He lets Rich sit down and gets some blankets from the armchair. He wraps one around Richard’s shoulders and one covers his feet. “I’ll be here in a minute,” he says and plants a soft kiss into his hair.

Richard pulls the blanket closer around himself and shivers slightly as he is alone again. He would get through it, it wouldn’t get worse. Right? Closing his eyes he takes deep breaths and listens to his body. His heart was still racing, his mind was messed up, the scene was replaying in front of his eyes. He doesn’t hear Taron coming back, just feels himself wrapped up in his arms suddenly. Rich buries his face in his chest and wraps his arms around him.

“You wanna eat something before talking?” T asks suggesting and Richard nods, knowing he should. If he didn’t eat now, he doesn’t know when he would the next time. Taron disappears shortly again and comes back with the warmed-up pizza and two plates.

They eat in a comfortable silence and Richard feels himself calming down. Taron’s mind is racing, thinking about what could have happened that made him so upset. And then Richard opens up about his idea and what it did to him. He talks about how insecure he still is because of everything that happened in his childhood. Taron just listens and holds his hand throughout the process, giving him time to open up and tell him everything. He knew about the insecurity but he didn’t knew it was still that present.

“I’m just- I don’t know what I was thinking, I really don’t know,” he says and looks down at his lap for his moment. “I just don’t wanna feel like shit anymore. I don’t wanna get up and think about all the things I could do wrong, about all the stuff I don’t like about myself. I’m so tired of it, T.”

Taron nods slowly and waits for Richard to continue. When he doesn’t, he takes a deep breath and sits closer to him. “I know this shit that happened still is in your head and it’s okay that you struggle with it. No one expects you to forget it and pretend it never happened.” he squeezes his hand lovingly. “Mate, you’re brilliant, okay? You are an awesome friend, you’re funny, you’re sweet, you’re so talented and all your fans are a living proof of how handsome you are,” he winks at him and makes him laugh softly. “I know you’re struggling with all of this and you’re having some serious self-doubts,” Taron smiles at him softly and rubs his shoulder. “But you’re perfect as you are, Richie. And nothing will change that. You’re so strong for going out there in a world where’s so much hate and being able to have fun. Seriously, you’re so damn strong, mate.”

Rich just shakes his head and smiles a little. “Not really, but thanks.”

“Don’t talk yourself down, Richie. You are,” Taron insists and squeezes his hand again. “And what you did wasn’t stupid, it was brave. It didn’t work out as you wanted it to do, but you tried and that’s what counts.”

“I really don’t know what I would do without you sometimes,“ Rich breathes out and smiles at him softly.

“Oh stop it,” T giggles softly and plays with his hair lovingly. They look at each other for a moment and sink into each other’s eyes. Something changed between them the last few times they’ve seen each other. But both weren’t quite sure about what it was and if it was just one sided. Taron clears his throat and inhales a deep breath. “You want me to stay tonight?”

“You don’t have to, mate. You just came back home and must be exhausted,” Richard says and smiles at him assuring.

“Your bed is big enough for both of us,” Taron grins and Rich just chuckles. They spent enough drunk nights in there to know that. "I really don't wanna leave you on your own at the moment. And we haven't seen each other for a while."

"Okay then," Rich says and nods smiling. "But I really don't wanna burden you with it."

"Richie, it's okay. I'm here and I'll be by your side through all of this," Taron assures him and leans forward fondling over his cheek. "I promise, mate, it's okay."

 -

A little while later Richard is cuddled up in Taron’s arms underneath the blanket and has his face buried in his chest again. They love this kind of intimacy, it comforts them and makes them even closer. Taron is fondling over his head, playing with his hair. "Thank you for staying," he mumbles into his chest.

"Not a problem at all," T assures him and plants a soft kiss into his hair. "Now try and get some sleep. Love you, mate."

"Love you too," Rich answers and closes his eyes. It feels good to be in Taron’s arms, feeling him. He would wake up having his sweet scent right in front of him which would assure him he wasn't alone.

 -

A week later Richard has to give some interviews and his anxiety level is high. He's pacing the room and didn't eat some breakfast. Playing with his hands he tries to avoid seeing himself in a mirror, not wanting to change his outfit for another time.

The first interview is exhausting and he keeps on shifting on his seat, plays with his hands, is obviously nervous. When it's done he steps out of the room and looks down at his watch. Twenty minutes to the next one that could either be a break or a time for nervousness.

"Breathe, mate." he suddenly hears and looks up confused.

"Taron!" he quickly falls into his arms and holds him tight. "What are you doing here?"

"I thought I'll check on you. I know how nervous this shit makes you," he giggles softly and rubs his back smoothly. "How long do you have?"

"Twenty minutes."

"Well then let's go," Taron grabs his hand and pulls him with him. They step outside and Taron doesn't let go of his hand, neither does Richard. They know there would be headlines, again. But they didn't care. It was their intimate friendship and they wouldn't hide the love they had for each other. "I bet you didn't eat this morning."

"Not really," he admits a bit embarrassed.

Taron opens the backdoor of his car and gets in pulling Rich with him. Richard closes the door and watches him curiously. "Well I thought so and you definitely need some food. So I decided to make some bacon and eggs at home and take it with me."

Rich chuckles softly as Taron takes out a lunchbox filled with it and the smell fills the car, making his stomach growl. "You're the best."

Taron hands him a fork and grins at him before digging his own into the warm food. "I hope it doesn't taste like shit, I did this half awake," he giggles.

Rich chuckles and assures him it's good. He feels himself relaxing having Taron around him and enjoys the belated breakfast.

When they're done they have ten minutes left and Taron packs the stuff away, pulling him into a hug. "Come here,” he says and Rich leans against him. Taron plays with his hair and looks down at him. "Just keep on breathing deep and remember it's just an interview. You'll do great."

"I'll try my best," Rich promises.

"Here. Let's go inside," he hands him a toothbrush and a toothpaste and winks at him.

"You really thought of everything," Rich chuckles.

 -

Three months later Richard's phone rings through the make-up trailer and he excuses himself seeing it's Taron. He quickly steps outside and takes the call. "Hey, T, how are you?"

"I'm... I'm okay," he says and rubs his face.

"What's wrong?" Rich asks irritated by the slight shaking in his voice which was only audible to people who knew him very well.

"I just feel like shit right now," he sniffs softly and stares down at his knees.

"Where are you?" he asks worried and gets inside packing his stuff. He signals his stylist he has to go, who leaves to inform the rest.

"Airport."

Richard frowns a little and then he remembers Taron had been in Wales the last couple of days. "What happened?" he asks softly.

But Taron just sniffs again and bites his lower lip. "Can you please come and get me?" he asks and now his voice is shaking hard.

"Already on my way." Richard says and starts the car.

 -

He finds Taron at the parking place and quickly gets out. Richard grabs his suitcase and throws it in the back of his car. Then he grabs Taron’s hand and softly pulls him to the left side of his car, letting him get in. Richard gets in as well and looks over at him. "Please tell me you're okay and it's mentally."

Taron looks at him for a short moment before nodding. "I'm physically okay, don't worry."

Richard places his hand on his thigh and fondles over it calming. "You wanna tell me what happened?" he asks carefully, not wanting to push him into something he doesn't want to.

Taron nods slowly and starts telling him about the time he spent with his mum, stepdad and sisters and how good it was for him. He was happy, got new energy and felt good.

They get out of the car at this point and Rich grabs his suitcase letting him open the door to his apartment. He steps into Taron’s home and puts the suitcase aside, getting rid of his jacket and shoes. When he looks at Taron he sees the silent tears falling down his face and feels his heart wrenching at that sight. "Hey, Taron," he says softly and takes a step closer. A sob leaves Taron’s mouth and that's all it takes for him to wrap him into a loving hug. "It's okay, let it out," he encourages him and holds him close. After a little while he leans down a bit and picks Taron up who instinctively wraps his legs around his waist. He carries them into the living room and sits down on the armchair, Taron on his lap, and grabs a blanket, wrapping it around T.

Taron cuddles into him crying and knows Richard's near is all he needs now. "I'm sorry. I - I just really needed you," he admits through his sobs.

"Shh, it's okay, I'm here now," he assures him and rubs his back smoothly.

Taron pulls back after a few minutes, his eyes red and puffy, tears all over his face, a running nose. Richard grabs a tissue and cups his face, wiping away the tears with his thumbs. T takes the tissue and blows his nose before looking down at his lap. "I met my dad on the last day," he starts.

"Oh," Rich says and can imagine this wasn't easy. It never has been easy for Taron to stay in contact with the man who left him and his mother when he was only a little child.

"Yeah it was a stupid idea, but I hadn't seen him in a while," he states and scratches his neck. "Well when I got there the first thing he did was telling me that I barely come and visit him. I mean I know that and I know I spend more time with my mum but seriously I spend more time with him than he did when I grew up," he says and chews on his lower lip. "And then after a while talking he suddenly says I changed in a bad way. I would think too much of my work, I got self-centered and I would forget about the people that are my family."

Richard frowns at that. Taron always talks about his family and his home and how much he enjoys being with them. He never made it a secret and brought it up in interviews as well. And Taron was always checking up on others and not self-centered at all. "I hope you know that isn't true?"

Taron shrugs his shoulders. "It caught me by surprise and it hurts," he admits.

"You're definitely not self-centered and seriously, I can't name a person who talks more lovingly about his family on the red carpet than you do. You didn't forget them and well of course you think of your work because it's stressful and separates you from your family and friends often," he explains and Taron nods slowly. "I'm so sorry he did that, it clearly isn't that way, bubs. You're amazingly sweet with your family all the time."

"But he's right, all of this did change me," T whines a little.

"Taron. He left you when you were six. He wasn't there when you went through puberty, grew up, moved out, build up your career. Of course you changed in his eyes and of course you aren't the little boy agreeing with everything he says anymore," Richard says and fondles over his hair. "We all change from age six to 30."

"I just feel like shit about it. I went there and had hopes it would be fun, but well he had other plans it seems," he huffs out, frustrated.

"You’re amazing as you are and no one, not even your stubborn dad, can change that," Rich assures him and plants a kiss on his temple before Taron sinks back into his arms, curling up on his lap.

"Thank you for picking me up," T mumbles.

"Sure thing."

- 

It isn't that easy to make Taron happy again. The comments of his father hurt him bad and Richard sees the tears in his eyes whenever he thinks of it. He sees the way Taron tries to hide it, tries to pretend he's okay. When he rings Taron’s doorbell today he has to wait a while until T opens the door. Richard only needs a short look to see he's not doing good. "Wanna have some alone time?" he asks carefully, knowing sometimes T needed to be on his own.

Taron shakes his head. "I need you," he admits quietly and avoids eye contact.

"Okay," Richard nods and steps closer.

"Sorry for this mess. I didn't want to drag you into my misery again," T mumbles embarrassed.

Richard leans down a bit lifting his head with his fingers and looks into blueish green eyes full of tears. "Don't," he says and fondles over his cheek. "I'm always here for you and you should never apologize for needing me. That's my job as your friend and I like to be here for you."

"Thank you," Taron presses out and a tear rolls down his cheek.

Rich catches the tear with his thumb and smiles at him compassionately. "Some cuddles sound good?" he asks and Taron nods letting him inside. His heart wrenches seeing Taron standing there looking like a little child, soft and vulnerable. "Come here, luv."

Taron steps closer to him and sinks into his embrace. Silent tears run down his face and he wonders about himself. Why the hell did he still have tears left to cry? And why the hell did this make him more upset than Rich with his childhood trauma?

They decide to lie down in Taron’s bed and Taron cuddles up into Richard, just like Rich did when he stayed with him a while ago. He can feel Richard's fingers running through his hair and massaging his scalp lovingly, while his other arm is wrapped around his waist, rubbing tiny circles on his lower back.

"You're thinking about what happened again?" Rich asks after a while.

"Yeah, it happened suddenly. I don't know why," Taron admits and pulls back a bit.

"Yeah, I know how that feels like," Rich says and looks at him, deep blue meeting bright green. He loved Taron’s eye color even more when he cried. His green iris seemed to stand out more against the pinkish whites of his eyes.

Taron looks at him remaining silent for a moment and chews on his lower lip. "How do you cope with it? Not slipping back into it over and over again?"

"I don't," Rich says and sees Taron’s confused look. He chuckles softly and continues fondling over his hair. "I'm...not really good at it. Let it put me that way. I just try not to think of it until something triggers it which usually leads to me pushing it aside. After a few times of doing that it hits me full force and it sends me into panic."

"Sounds like shit," T groans and both laugh at that. "But what steadies you in those moments? When you push it aside, I mean." he asks curiously.

Richard remains quiet for a moment and thinks about it. "It depends on whom I'm with. When I'm with my mum for example, I'm pushing it away because I don't wanna worry her with it. Being on set I focus on all the stuff going on around me. And being with you..." he stops talking and knows he should say something.

"Yeah?" he asks and suddenly is painfully aware of how close their faces are. It feels like he's surrounded by a bubble, Richard's cologne, his hand on his lower back, his body pressed against his own. Blue eyes reading him like an open book. Damn.

"Being with you calms me down," he admits slowly and it takes him all of his willpower not to break eye contact now. "I feel safe enough around you to not let those memories consume me."

"Why?" he asks and suddenly aches to know why the hell he was the one who could give Richard peace.

"I- I just feel like I don't have to explain myself all the time when I'm with you and you understand what's going on. You know me, better than anybody else," Richard's movements in his hair get slower. "And you're always so understanding and sweet when I feel like shit, I guess it just doesn't happen when you're with me in person."

"Glad I can help," Taron answers with a soft smile. He sinks into Richard's deep blue eyes and his heart starts beating faster. "Thank you for being here," he says.

"Sure thing," Rich answers.

 -

A few days later Taron gets a call from Richard when he's on set. "Hey, Rich, what's up?"

"Hey, how are you?" Richard asks and looks down at the piece of paper in front of him on the floor.

"I'm okay. How about you?" he asks and walks towards his trailer. It's a low fall afternoon and the frosty air is blowing into his face making him shiver.

"I'm good. Listen, I know you could use some fun. Sophie called me and invited me to dinner with her and Joe, she said I could take someone with me and I thought of you," Richard explains and leans against the sofa behind him. "We'd go to a little pub and avoid the public shit."

"Today?" Taron asks and opens the door to his trailer.

"Yeah, I could pick you up at 7?"

"Okay, yeah sure. I haven't seen them in a while as well," T agrees with a smile on his lips. That could be fun and meant some time with Rich. Perfect.

 -

Richard rings the doorbell of Taron’s apartment and takes a step back. It doesn't take long and T opens the door with a welcoming smile on his face. "Hey," he says and pulls him into a warm hug.

Richard holds him tight for a moment and smiles. "Ready to go?"

"Yeah," he grabs his jacket and keys and follows Richard outside after locking the door. As they reach the car Taron stops him and plants a kiss on his cheek. "Thank you. I really needed some company today."

"Glad I can help," he winks at him and they get in the car.

 -

Sophie and Joe are already there and greet them lovingly. It was always fun with those two and Rich. Taron feels his mind calming down and everything else that bothered him over the last couple of days suddenly doesn't seem important anymore. Taron sits between Richard and Joe at the round table, Sophie is opposite of him.

"Oh, we wanted to share something with you," Sophie says with a smile and grabs Joe's hand.

Richard looks up from his drink and watches them curiously. "The last time you did that you got married."

"Then it's a child now," Taron guesses and Rich chuckles. Joe grins and Sophie has a big smile on her face. "Wait am I right?" Taron asks with a bright smile written all over his face.

"Yeah, we're gonna have a baby," Joe agrees happily and squeezes Sophie's hand looking at her.

"Aww I'm so happy for you two!" Rich says and beams at his friend. "You're gonna be such amazing parents."

"Well and our baby will meet our amazing friends," Joe says and winks at T.

Taron smiles softly and watches the happy couple in front of him. "I'm curious if your baby will be talented like their mum or more like their dad."

"Maybe it's a mix," Rich suggests. "Like you," he grins and Taron blushes.

"Shut up," T mumbles grinning and tries to hide his blushing cheeks.

"Oh no, Rich is right, mate," Joe grins and Sophie chuckles when Taron buries his face in his hands embarrassed.

"Stop it you guys," he whines and giggles softly when Richard wraps his arm around him and pulls him close laughing. Taron looks up and smirks at him, a interaction that doesn't go unrecognized by their friends who exchange a knowing look.

They enjoy their food and fool around and it clearly becomes obvious to Sophie and Joe how close their friends became. They always had a strong bond and intimate friendship but the expression in their eyes changed, their looks were full of love and adoration for each other. The short touches got permanent and they basically sat close to each other, no space between them. Sophie was convinced now that this wasn't only one sided and showed her friend a thumbs up under the table who smiled relieved at that.

Joe exchanges a look with Richard and then the acting starts. "Richard, you remember when you promised me once you'd sing with me when I'd knock Sophie up?"

"What?!" Richard asks shocked and Taron chokes on his drink laughing.

"That's what you said," Sophie protests laughing and Joe starts laughing. "You two were shit drunk and you said that, love!"

"Ohhh right," he remembers and laughs loudly now. "Sorry mate."

"God, Joe!" Rich groans and laughs. "So what are you up to?"

"Wanna sing a song with me?" he asks and winks at him.

"No, god, please don't," he whines and Sophie grins. Sometimes it was quite useful to be an actor.

"Oh come on, mate. I know you have a beautiful voice!"

"That's true," Taron smirks mischievously and watches Richard who looks like he wants to disappear immediately.

"Go, Rich!" Sophie cheers and Taron joins her. Joe gets up and pulls Richard with him. Taron sits next to Sophie now, watching his best friend following Joe on the little stage. T looks around and suddenly realizes they are the only one’s in the pub, wondering if that’s just a weird coincidence.

Richard looks at Joe and nods as he looks at him questioning. He takes a deep breath and focuses on the guitar in his hands, playing the first cords of Hesitate. It has always been Joe’s favorite, thinking of his wife Sophie whenever he was performing it. And somehow the lyrics fit for T and Rich, their friendship and the things they went through together.

“Kiss the tears right of your face, won’t be scared, that’s the old, old, old me,” Joe starts singing and Sophie focuses on her husband with a smile on her lips. “I’ll be there time and place, lay it on me, all you’re hold, hold, holding.”

Richard takes a deep breath, steadying himself and starts the next line. “Time, time only heals if we work through it now and I promise we’ll figure this out.” he feels relief swapping over him as his voice doesn’t crack. “I will take our pain and put it on my heart.”

“I won’t hesitate, just tell me where to start,” Joe continues and smirks at Sophie. “I thank the oceans for giving me you.”

“You saved me once and now I’ll save you too,” Richard’s eyes meet Taron’s, seeing the dreamy look in them and how he mouths the words along his singing. God, he loved this boy. And oh how this line fit for them the last couple of times they were together. “I won’t hesitate for you.”

Taron watches Richard and listens to his smooth calming voice. He always loved hearing it, especially when he was singing. There was something about it that calmed him down, made him feel safe. It remembered him at the time they got to know each other, singing together in the studio.

Sophie glances at T and sees how focused he is on Richard. There was an adoration in his eyes that she had seen in Richard’s when he was looking at Taron. Hopefully their plan would work. “They sound amazing together,” she smiles as they start the chorus together.

“They do,” Taron admits and looks at Sophie. “I love it when he sings, he just hates it,” Sophie smirks at that and nods.

“Pull me close and I’ll hold you tight, don’t be scared ‘cause I’m on your side. Know there’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you,” Richard sings and Taron’s heart warms as he meets his look. Joe repeats the lines and Rich joins in on the chorus again.

Sophie looks at Taron and decides to take a step further. “Just to come back to you saying he hates it,” she says and Taron looks at her questioning. “He doesn’t do that for everyone,” she ads softly and T looks at her remaining silent for a moment.

“Is he in love with me?” he asks timidly and chews on his lower lip. “Because I don’t wanna fall even harder for someone who won’t return my feelings.” he says and let’s out a shuddery breath. Sophie was the first person he opened up to about it. The first person who knew about his feelings for Richard that grew stronger the more time he spent with him.

“What do you think?” Sophie asks and raises her eyebrow. “Just talk to him, mate.” She looks into Taron’s blueish-green eyes, a hint of anxiety in them, and smiles, grabbing his hand. “It’ll be okay. I promise.”

Richard and Joe end their performance and T and Sophie start cheering and clapping. They come back to the table and Taron watches him closely. Could he really feel the same?

 -

The rest of the evening happens in a blur for both Taron and Richard, anxiety and nervousness settling in their bodies. When they leave the pub Taron feels sick, he doesn’t want to confess his feelings and get his heart broken. He was unstable enough and he doesn’t want to lose Rich.

Richard starts the car and his grip around the steering wheel gets tight. Did Taron realize why they picked this song? Did he mess everything up now? His stomach turns and he feels sick, he couldn’t lose Taron.

“Thank you for taking me with you tonight,” Taron breaks the silence, trying to start a normal conversation.

“Not a problem at all. I’m glad you said yes,” he admits and sets the blinking lights as they wait a red-light. He clears his throat and opens his mouth, wanting to explain himself, saying something, but nothing comes out and so he closes his mouth again.

“You definitely still have a beautiful voice,” he says and smiles softly.

“Ugh, stop it,” Rich growls and shakes his head. “I’m just glad that my voice didn’t break or made a fool of me.”

Taron chews on his lower lip and glances at him. “Richard, I have to tell you something and I don’t want things to get weird between us when I do,” he starts and Richard nods slowly parking the car in front of Taron’s apartment, that isn’t far away from the pub. Taron plays with his hands nervously and swallows hard. “I don’t wanna lose you, okay? Because I need you.”

Richard frowns a bit at that. What the hell was he talking about now? He reaches out for Taron’s hand and turns to him in his seat. “You won’t lose me.”

“You don’t know that,” Taron laughs weakly and looks up at him timidly.

“Yes, I do. Because I need you too,” he speaks and searches Taron’s face for something that will tell him what’s going on in his head.

Taron avoids eye contact again and feels tears burning in his eyes, fear taking over, as he finally speaks what’s on his mind. “I love you. And I don’t mean it the way I said it a hundred times before.”

Richard lets out a shuddery breath and places his fingers underneath his chin and lifts up his head. “Yeah, I know how that feels like,” he says and makes Taron giggle softly, both remembering their talk a few days ago. “I love you too, T.”

Taron smiles softly and his eyes shine with tears. “Yeah?”

Rich just smiles and grabs his neck pulling him close. As their lips barely touch, noses nudging against each other, he searches Taron’s agreement in his eyes. The Welsh closes his eyes and cups his face, Richard’s connects their lips to a shy but sweet kiss.

Taron pulls back slowly, opening his eyes, and strokes over Richard’s cheeks with his thumbs, feeling the stubble underneath his palms. “You’re really cheesy, you know that? Trying to get me with a song,” he giggles softly.

“Seems like it worked, right?” he winks at him and his blue eyes shine brightly. “Wanna stay with me tonight?” he asks and plays with Taron’s hair.

“Absolutely,” Taron answers smiling and places another kiss onto his lips.

@taron-eggmcmuffin @primaba11erina @sarahegerton96 @multicoloredchicken @maddertonmyheart @madderton-obsessed

[tarontherocketman]

Mr Madden | Madderton Teacher AU | Chapter 4

TW: BRIEF MENTIONS OF SUICIDE

Taron stirred in bed, glancing to the clock for the umpteenth time that night; it was only 4:57am. He had just over 2 long hours until his alarm was supposed to sound, it was still dark, and the birds hadn’t even thought about chirping yet. The entire night had been a series of waking up and drifting off, usually multiple times within the hour. His mind was disturbed by the thought of arriving at school to find out that Ella hadn’t made it, he had visions of her parents coming in to blame the school, leading to Taron being ratted out for not doing enough to help her, her poor parents screaming and crying at him, telling him that they killed their daughter. He made himself dizzy filling his head with these thoughts that deep down he knew just weren’t true, and Richard has done everything he could to assure him of that. The light from his phone and a soft vibration pulled Taron out of his dark thoughts as he rolled over to pull it out of its charging port and squint at the bright screen. 

Rich: you up, T?x

Taron: yep, been up most the night, why are you up??x

Rich: set an alarm for 5 cos I knew you’d be up and I wanted to check up on you x

Taron: what? really? Rich you didn’t have to do that you have work too..x

Rich: course I did I couldn’t bear the thought of you alone in bed feeling shit so I thought instead of another 2 hours of that you’d want to go for breakfast before work? Obviously the only place open is mcdonalds but you can’t go wrong with a maccies breakfast x

Taron: you’re right you can’t go wrong with a maccies breakfast, thanks rich I need this I was preparing for a long couple of hours, was considering going for a walk but this sounds much nicer x

Rich: no worries bub, I’ll come pick you up in 20 mins then we can go straight to work after breakfast x

Rich got himself up and ready for work, a routine that didn’t take long. As long as his face was washed, teeth were cleaned and his hair was tidy he was quite happy to get dressed and go within 15 minutes. He grabbed his keys and jogged down the stairs of his apartment to the resident car park, making the short drive to Taron’s place and sending him a quick text to let him know he was outside. Taron appeared quickly, looking a little less put together than usual. His hair wasn’t quite as neat as he usually bothered to make it, and his eyes were puffy from the severe lack of sleep.

“Jeez you look shit T,” Rich commented.

“Cheers,” Taron sighed.

“No I mean you still look handsome, obviously,” Rich scoffed playfully, “but you literally look like you haven’t slept for a minute.”

“You’re not too far off the mark there,” Taron replied as he pulled the seatbelt over him. “Seriously though thanks for doing this Rich it means a lot, you really didn’t have to wake up so early for me.”

“Don’t worry about it I knew full well you’d be up most of the night worrying, I know what you’re like by now, I’d rather that you get out of the house and have some breakfast and coffee rather than tossing and turning for another 2 hours and coming to work without eating anything,” Rich said softly as he put the car into 5th gear along a long, empty main road. 

“Thank you,” Taron replied, at a loss for what else to say to his incredibly thoughtful friend who knew him even better than Taron thought he did. 

The pair rode out the rest of the journey in silence, neither knowing exactly what to say at a time like this. Rich pulled into the car park of the 24 hour McDonalds and made his way inside with Taron following miserably behind. Rich noticed him trailing behind and stopped at the door to wait, putting an arm round him when he caught up as they walked into the building. Once the two had ordered, received their food and sat down at a booth table in the window, Taron held his egg muffin limply, taking tiny bites. Rich, having already finished the tiny thing in what felt like less than 5 bites, sat with his hands wrapped around his coffee for warmth.

“Look T, I know this sounds obvious but please stop blaming yourself for this, no one is mad at you,” Rich soothed, taking one hand away from his coffee to place it on Taron’s arm.

“But what if she dies, Rich? How am I supposed to deal with a student dying at my hands?”

“T, if she did die it wouldn’t be at your hands! Not one bit! You did what you could. And anyway there’s no point worrying about death now, if you worry about something that hasn’t happened you’re potentially putting yourself through it twice, ok?”

“That’s actually not bad advice,” Taron said, perking up ever so slightly.

“Yeah I got it off one of those facebook posts with inspirational quotes,” Rich admitted, laughing quietly at himself.

“Oh christ,” Taron chuckled softly, “well thank you anyway, I don’t know why it’s got me this down, I know it’s stupid.”

“It’s not stupid at all you’re a worrier, you worry for the world Taron, and it’s a heart warming trait but you’re gonna worry yourself sick,” Rich spoke in almost a whisper, rubbing Taron’s arm comfortingly.

“I know, I know,” Taron took a long sigh and finally finished his breakfast. Rich’s words did actually make quite a big difference, he didn’t need to be so miserable about something that he shouldn’t even blame himself for in the first place. “Thank you again for this I do feel better.”

“Anytime,” Rich smiled. Taron and Rich sat for the rest of the wait before work, sipping their second coffee and chatting mindlessly to keep Taron’s mind off things. As the time passed quickly, the morning drew closer to them having to go to work. The sun rose at last, and they knew they’d have to go sooner or later.

“You ready?” Rich asked, offering his hand to Taron, who reluctantly took it, deciding that there wasn’t really anyone around at this time of the morning who would see them and so they walked hand in hand to the car.

“I might not even hear anything about it today, no point getting worked up,” Taron assured himself out loud, staring out of the window at the sunrise lined buildings of the city that zooming past the window as they travelled.

“Exactly,” Rich agreed, putting his left hand on Taron’s knee in between changing gear. They arrived at work, deciding that a third coffee probably wasn’t a smart idea, but a visit to the staff room before they started might be worthwhile, in case there did happen to be any news on Ella.

“Morning,” they both said politely to the other staff gathered around the room, all looking a little bit like they didn’t want to be there for another day in the mad house that they called a school. Taron bit his lip, not sure whether to ask the question. The Headteacher, who was leaning against the kitchen counter waiting for the coffee in the coffee pot to brew, seemed to have read his mind.

“Ella’s parents got in contact, she’s fine,” he smiled, almost as relieved as Taron.

“Really?” Taron beamed happily, relief washing over him like a tidal wave, his whole body relaxing as if he’d been tensing for a week straight.

“Yes she’s stable, already recovering, and will be back in school next Monday if she’s ready so she’s got a little while to get better,” he informed, now turning around to pour coffee.

“Thank god,” Taron breathed heavily, taking a seat on one of the old tatty sofas and slumping forward in relief, rubbing his temples. Rich looked at him, longing for a cuddle, but knowing he couldn’t so just settled on patting him on the shoulder casually, avoiding the curious gaze of Mrs Reynolds who was clearly trying desperately to sniff out some gossip again.

“Coffee?” the Head asked in Taron and Rich’s direction, who both declined rather quickly.

“Suit yourself,” he smiled. Mrs Reynolds was now looking quizzically in their direction.

“Already coffee-d out?” she questioned, an eyebrow raised suspiciously. 

“Yep, uh, we do both have coffee at home, so,” Rich trailed off uncomfortably.

“No of course, I just don’t tend to get up early to use up the coffee in my house when it’s free here.” Taron was now looking up at her, his eyes narrowed slightly as if to say ‘keep your nose out of our business’ “Anyway,” she quipped, putting her mug in the sink and turning on her heel “I must be off to class.” At that she scurried out of the staff room making brief eye contact with the rest of the staff before she left, leaving them to sit in tense silence as they all attempted to sip their coffee nonchalantly, as if nothing was out of the ordinary. Taron and Rich took this as their cue to leave and head to Rich’s class, walking quickly down the hallway.

“Oh my god do you think they’re all onto us?” Taron whispered, leaning into Rich as they walked.

“I don’t know, but like you said the other day, there’s no proof, they have nothing on us!” Rich loud whispered back.

“You’re right, we just have to be extra careful,” Taron nodded as they arrived at Rich’s classroom and scuttled inside.

“Yeah we will,” Rich assured.

“Extra careful,” Taron smirked, leaning flirtatiously against the door to the supply closet.

“Taron..” Rich warned, knowing exactly what he was suggesting.

“Do people usually come snooping in your supply closet at 7:30am on a Tuesday?” Taron joked.

“Well no, but they do walk past the classroom and snoop through the big obvious window in the door, what if we get seen going in or out?”

“We won’t! We’ll make sure,” Taron reassured the Scotsman, who stood shifting on the spot nervously, his hands fiddling with each other. 

“Your mood has certainly improved in the past 10 minutes,” Rich observed.

“Of course,” Taron started, “I spent all night worried sick and now I know she’s ok I feel like a massive weight’s been lifted and I have some emotional catching up to do.”

“Right, that’s your logic?” Rich laughed, “in fact, you’ve changed your whole tune about doing things like this since I met you.”

“I know, like I said, everything changed when I met you! Now are you joining me or do I have to please myself?” Taron wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.

“Argh, T!”

“I’m joking, I’m joking!” Taron assured quickly, laughing at Rich being a typical serious History teacher. “You coming in?” Rich shuffled on the spot some more, glancing back and forth at the door suspiciously.

“Hmm, ok, but we really shouldn’t be doing this though,” Rich muttered, following Taron into the cupboard.

“No we should not,” Taron agreed with cheeky smile, pulling Rich in and locking their lips firmly, hands running up and down each other’s backs lovingly.

“No really we can’t make a habit of this,” Rich said, pulling away for a moment in between breaths. Taron shushed him, pulling him straight back in, gently grabbing his thick, lovely hair from behind. The lovebirds carried on having their moment until they accepted that they’ll have to stop eventually and get ready for class. Taron cracked the door open slightly to look at the door to the classroom, making sure the coast was clear before grabbing Rich’s hand and pulling him out of the now fully open door.

“Hey look we literally came out of the closet,” Rich snorted, Taron nudged him playfully, laughing along. “Seriously though we can’t get too comfortable doing that.”

“I know, it’ll be fine!” Taron assured, following Rich to his desk to take a seat next to him. The two of them sat in silence while Rich turned his computer on and watched it boot up, the logo appearing across the screen in big letters. Rich looked down at his lap, and then back up at Taron, the secret kiss they just had now playing on his mind.

“T, what are we?” Rich asked, now ignoring his computer entirely to look into Taron’s pretty eyes. Taron sat thoughtfully.

“I don’t know, Rich,” he admitted, avoiding Rich’s gaze.

“Are we a thing or is this all just for fun?” said Rich, biting his lip in thought.

“Why don’t we talk about this later, you need to get ready for class,” Taron smiled, glancing at his watch. 

“Yeah, you’re right, come round mine tonight?” Rich offered.

“Pizza and beer?” Taron said hopefully.

“Course,” Rich agreed, turning to his computer that had now turned on, asking for his password. 

“I better get ready for class too, I’ll talk to you later,” Taron said, getting up from his chair and planting a small kiss on the top of Rich’s head. There was a somewhat solemn feeling between the two all of a sudden, they hadn’t delved into the relationship conversation yet. In fact, neither of them knew if they were ready for a relationship, it had all been fun and games up until now, but they had to decide if settling down was something that they both wanted to do now.

The day passed, slowly. Taron and Rich’s thoughts consumed by the reality of the conversation that they would be having that evening. At least there were some distractions through the day, working in a city secondary school always came with its daily challenges. Taron broke up two fights in one lunch break, had to mediate an argument between four girls in his afternoon class that had suddenly turned 2 vs 2 during a script reading exercise when he stupidly split the class into groups of 4 and not only let them choose their groups, but let them choose between them who gets to be which character, as if that could have ever ended well.

Rich had a student storm out of his class angrily after having to tell him more than five times to get off his phone, the students argument being ‘it’s my personal property fuck off’, and he had a 10 minute job of calming down an over-hyper class of year 7s that had just had a P.E class and were now on the last lesson of the day, which was just a recipe for disaster. Rich knew that being a secondary school teacher would come with challenges, based off his own experience as a student many years ago, but he swore teenagers had become 100x times crazier since then, but maybe that was just him remembering it from the point of view of a student, never really knowing at the time what teachers actually had to go through every day.

Once the day finally drew to an end, Rich and Taron met up to go straight to Rich’s seeing as they had both come in his car that morning.

“You sure you don’t need to pop home first? I don’t mind,” Rich offered.

“No it’s all good, these clothes are comfortable enough and we’ve got the same phone if I need a charger,” Taron replied.

“True.”

After a short journey home, Rich and Taron climbed the stairs to Rich’s apartment, he unlocked the door and let Taron in first, following straight after him. Taron stopped to look around the place, observing the colour schemes and decor themes going on. 

“Nice place,” he commented, nodding in approval at the well decorated room.

“Thanks!” Rich said happily as he threw his bag on the dining table and slung his jacket over one of the chairs, Taron did the same and joined Rich on the couch, both sinking down into it after a long day. Taron even more exhausted from his extreme lack of sleep the previous night, knowing full well everyone he had talked to today had just politely ignored the bags under his eyes. 

“So do you want a beer now, or?” Rich offered.

“I can wait, we should talk,” Taron said slowly, Rich nodded nervously, breathing heavy enough for Taron to hear it clearly now. 

“So.”

“So..”

“Ok, look, T, I’m just gonna say it- I really love you, and I think I’ve fallen fast, and if you don’t feel the same and are just in it for the fun I understand but,” Rich babbled, Taron trying so hard not to giggle at not only his rambling but the fact that he swore the Scottish accent was getting thicker as the sentence progressed.

“Oh shut up,” Taron chuckled, shushing him fully with a kiss. “Mr Madden, will you be my boyfriend?”

“Um, obviously!” Rich breathed, laughing from relief and leaning back in for another sofa make out session, one that meant even more to the two of them than the last time it happened, now that this had developed into a real relationship. One that neither of them were expecting considering they both had intentions to lay low in their jobs, but they couldn’t help it. They wanted each other so badly and would freely admit at this stage that that had been the case for quite some time now. 

“So you wanna order food?” Rich asked as the pair pulled away from each other.

“Hm, not yet,” Taron replied.

“You not hungry?” Rich asked in genuine surprise, feeling his own stomach rumble from a long day at work with not enough food, knowing Taron had eaten even less. 

“I’m hungry, but not for pizza..where’s your bedroom?” Taron smirked. Rich scoffed in surprise at the extremely forward question. 

“I- wow, that is very bold of you, Mr Egerton!” Rich said, taken back but not actual displeased by the question.

“Well, you’re my boyfriend now,” Taron smiled flirtatiously.

“Good point, right this way,” Rich grabbed Taron’s hand and let him into the door that was only a few metres away from the sofa, pulling him into the room and gently shoving him onto his king size bed, pulling his shirt off in excitement and kicking the door shut behind him, knowing that he hadn’t felt this content in such a long time.

___________________________________________________________

So. You may have just figured out, but I don’t write smut! Sorry! Love reading it but terrible at writing it, so you’ll just have to leave it up to your imagination if you so wish! Anyway sorry this isn’t quite as long as the previous chapter, I just went off on that last one, this is more the length that I’m keeping them. Although I’m slightly worried this chapter is a bit boring, but I hope you all like it regardless tho!

Tag list: @taron-eggmcmuffin @coffeetalkbaby @nataschalenasblog @stateofloveandvedder @winterismyfavoriteseason1945 

[taste-thewaste]

Reindeer Games (Madderton fic)

Hiya, friends! The inspiration for this fic came from a number of places! This is a fill for an anon ask I received for fluff prompt #25- “why don’t you take a picture? It’ll last longer.” Second, it’s very much inspired by an idea that my lovely friend @ilikeyouxactually came up with and batted around with me, which was inspired wholly by an adorable picture of Richard in a pair of footie pajamas (which I can’t find at the moment lol). Thank you Jess, and thank you anon! This is fluff on top of fluff, so i hope you all enjoy. Also it’s long af, 1300 words.

Also, I feel like this would’ve been more fun posted around Christmastime but since Taron posted himself with Santa today, who am I to say it’s not Christmastime now? Have a holly jolly Christmas, Madderton friends!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There was nothing in the world like Christmastime in London, Richard was convinced. Snow blanketed the city, coated the street benches, made everything quieter. Strings of twinkling Christmas lights covered every surface, it seemed, hung suspended from street posts and lit up the dark, early evening sky. His hand, covered in fuzzy wool gloves, held Taron’s, their fingers intertwined. 

He snuck a peek at T’s face, his hair hidden by the stocking cap pulled over his head and an oversized scarf wound tightly around his neck. His nose and cheeks were pink from the cold, flushed and adorable, but his eyes were what made Richard’s heart trip. He watched as they lit up with wonder at the snow and the lights, almost child-like in their innocence and simple happiness. 

Richard couldn’t help it as he stopped short, stopping Taron as well. Taron looked at him with confusion in his eyes until Richard tugged him, gently, close to his body by his scarf and kissed him softly. “My beautiful boy,” he whispered, and bit down just so on Taron’s lower lip. Taron’s face flushed deeper, and a tiny whine came from the back of his throat.

“Richie…” Taron whispered, pushing his hips into Richard and pressing his body against him.

Richard smiled into Taron’s mouth, and kissed him quickly on the cheek. “Later, bubs. Remember why we’re even out tonight?”

Taron sighed, rolled his eyes and pouted, annoyed at the fact that he couldn’t continue to kiss his boyfriend underneath the snowy London sky. “Yeah, yeah. I know.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ten minutes later they found themselves in a brightly lit, garishly decorated department store, shopping for last-minute gifts. They’d pushed off their Christmas shopping as late as Richard would allow it, a week before the holiday, and then he’d dragged Taron off to search for gifts. 

Taron was off hunting for the perfect present for his younger sisters, while Richard scanned the aisles for something for his mum. She was impossible to buy for, she never gave him any idea what she wanted, and he’d gotten her that robe for Mother’s Day and...

“Oh. my. God.”

Richard heard Taron’s voice drift from the next aisle over, and he paused, his fingers touching a pair of slippers. It was Taron’s eager voice, his excited voice, and Richard knew from experience that this would be interesting, to say the least. If not a little frightening.

“Oh. My GOD.” Taron’s exclamation the second time around was followed by what Richard could only ruefully call a giggle. Richard sighed. 

“Oi, love. What on earth are ya doin’?” Richard called, pitching his voice so that it traveled over to the next aisle. 

There was the sound of scurrying footsteps, and then Taron burst into Richard’s aisle, a gleeful smile on his face. “Would you look at these?” he asked excitedly, holding up a pair of pajamas enthusiastically in Richard’s face. 

They weren’t just any pajamas, however. Taron was clutching a brown pair of footie pajamas, designed to make whatever poor sap had to wear them look like a reindeer. The hood that flapped from the shoulders had a pair of bright red antlers sticking out of the top with eyes and a red nose like Rudolph. The belly of the pajamas was a lighter brown than the rest of it, and the they ended at the bottom in slippered feet made to look like animal paws. Richard’s jaw dropped. 

“It’s a onesie!” Taron crowed, and Richard looked at him like he’d gone insane. 

“It has antlers, for Christ’s sake,” Richard muttered, and Taron nodded enthusiastically. 

“Yeah! And look at the bum!” Taron flipped it around, revealing a tiny tail right over the seat of the pajamas. “They’re so cute! We have to get them.” 

“Taron David Egerton. No.”

“Rich--”

“NO. There’s no way you’re getting to me wear those. I’m a grown man!” 

“Darling, you’d look positively adorable. We would look positively adorable. Please?” Taron stared at him happily, looking like a tiny, eager puppy. His eyes held the same look of childish wonder that they’d held earlier, and Richard felt his heart start caving. Keep it together, Madden, he wants to dress you up like a reindeer.

“Oh, it’s we now? Now we’re going to match?” Richard asked, crossing his arms stubbornly. 

“Yes! They have both of our sizes. It’ll be lovely. Please, Richie? Please? Just something fun for our first Christmas together?” Taron’s lower lip stuck out, just slightly, in a maddeningly adorable pout that Richard was no match for. He sighed wearily and closed his eyes. 

“Fine. But so help me God, we wear them at home, alone, and no one sees, alright?” Richard said, pointing his finger at Taron sternly. 

“Yes, yes, of course. God, I’m bloody excited,” he said cheerfully, rushing over to the next aisle to comb through the stack and collect the other size he needed. 

“Did you find presents for your sisters?” Richard asked, joining him the next aisle over, having decided on the slippers for his Mum. 

“What? Oh, right. I forgot all about them when I saw these,” he said, holding up the matching onesies. 

Richard sighed. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next week flew by, and before they knew it, it was Christmas Eve. Richard had promised Taron they could wear the pajamas on the night before Christmas, but he had secretly hoped that he’d forget about it. 

He’d hoped for this, despite knowing that Taron’s mind was like a steel trap, especially for things he was excited about. 

Sure enough, as soon as the family was gone, he thrust Richard’s pajamas into his hands excitedly and said, “Go! Change!” 

Richard sighed, grumbled, and went to their bedroom, shutting the door behind him with a soft click. He stripped off his jeans and sweater, feeling particularly vulnerable for some reason as he approached the brown footie pajamas in nothing but his underwear. He wriggled into them, shoved his arms into the sleeves, and zipped himself up the middle. With trepidation, he turned and faced himself in the full-length mirror, wiggling his toes around in the sweaty booties. 

“Bloody hell.” 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Richard shuffled into the living room, his antlered head hung low, and only looked up when he heard the unmistakable sound of Taron’s giggle. He was standing by their Christmas tree, decked out in the same onesie as Richard, his hands clasped together in glee. 

“I hate you,” Richard said, but there wasn’t an ounce of truth to it, the hardened front he was trying to put on betrayed by the small, sweet smile on his face. 

“You are the cutest fucking thing I’ve ever seen,” Taron said, slipping his arms around Richard’s waist and drawing him close. He kissed him, softly, sweetly, his eyes closed and a smile on his lips when he pulled away. His long eyelashes fanned his cheeks and Richard’s heart fluttered. He laid his head on Taron’s shoulder gently. 

“I love you,” he murmured into the soft fuzz of Taron’s onesie. 

“Back at ya, darlin’,” Taron said. “I made you a drink, figured you might like one since you’re forced to wear this.” 

He handed over the Manhattan he’d made him, and as Richard sipped it he noticed Taron staring at him frankly. 

“Why don’t you take a picture? It’ll last longer,” Richard said with a smirk, setting his drink down on the table and playfully wiggling his makeshift tail in Taron’s direction. 

“Okay,” Taron said with his own grin, and suddenly his arm was around Richard, pulling him close, and his phone was in the other hand, snapping a quick selfie that was reminiscent of their Carpool Karaoke shenanigans. Richard’s face was open in surprise, and Taron’s grin was spread from ear-to-ear. 

“T, I told you no one can see us in these!” Richard cried. 

“Hey, you told me to take a picture! Besides, you look fucking adorable. They’re going to go mad over this.” 

“They? Who’s they?” Richard asked suspiciously as Taron tapped away on his phone. 

“Our adoring fans, of course,” Taron said, wiggling his eyebrows as he clicked ‘post’ on his Instagram. “Think of the ideas it’ll give them.” 

Richard sighed, but, as usual, was unable to be mad. How could he be mad at his boyfriend when he was this adorable little reindeer? 

Bollocks.

[greensequoia]

Fic Prompts

Under the cut is over 200 prompts compiled from the following: 1-100, 101-140, 141-220

Feel free to write in with your own requests as well! 

You can request xreader (or, 2nd person pov, i.e., ‘you’ stories), third person pov (s/he, his/her, etc stories), or request a fic with a specific name in mind. (If you are requesting xreader, please let me know what gender you’d like reader to be.)

What I write: 

fluff angst domestic family situations

- professor/student - littles/bigs - kidnap - dad’s best friend/best friend’s dad - dark!fic

a/b/o

- bonding - heat/rut cycles - mpreg - knotting

smut

- literally 99% of kinks (d/s, daddy/mommy kinks, toys, overstim, non/dub-con, etc) - no bodily fluids

Who I write for:

taron x reader, including

- eggsy - dean

richard x reader, including

- prince kit

note: no madderton

sebastian x reader, including

- bucky - steve (fresh) - carter - chris (the martian)

chris x reader, including

- steve (post-serum) - andy

elizabeth olsen x reader, including

- wanda

scarlett johansson x reader, but only

- natasha

pairings

- stucky (including +reader) - starker

1. “Do you want me to leave?” 2. “I swear it won’t happen again.” 3. “I’m not jealous.” 4. “You can’t keep doing this.” 5. “I’m going to take care of you, okay?” 6. “You can’t die. Please don’t die.” 7. “You did what?!” 8. “Were you ever going to tell me?” 9. “Don’t ask me that.” 10. “I might have had a few shots.” 11. “What’s with the box?” 12. “Say it!” 13. “I could kiss you right now!” 14. “Are you done with that?” 15. “Are you still awake…?” 16. “Excuse you?” 17. “This is all your fault!” 18. “I shouldn’t be in love with you.” 19. “I could kill you right now!” 20. “Just admit I’m right.” 21. “That doesn’t even make sense.” 22. “That’s irrational.” 23. “Just pretend to be my date.” 24. “Are you really going to leave without asking me the question you’ve been dying to ask me?” 25. “When you love someone, you don’t just stop. Ever. Even when people roll their eyes or call you crazy… even then. Especially then!” 26. “I think I’ve been holding myself from falling in love with you all over again.” 27. “I’m not going to apologise for this. Not anymore.” 28. “That’s almost exactly the opposite of what I meant.” 29. “It must be hard with your sense of direction, never being able to find your way to a decent pickup line.” 30. “Can I sit here? The other tables are full.” 31. “You weren’t supposed to laugh!” 32. “This is, by far, the dumbest thing you’ve ever done.” 33. “I’m not going to stop poking you until you give me some attention.” 34. “These stars are nothing compared to the ones I’ve seen in your eyes.” 35. “Before I do this, I need you to know that I have always loved you.” 36. “Did I say that out loud?” 37. “Do you think they could have loved me?” 38. “Everyone keeps telling me you’re the bad guy.” 39. “How long have you been standing there?” 40. “Have I ever lied to you?” 41. “Have you lost your fucking mind?” 42. “His ego is so visible; I can almost watch it grow.” 43. “I am not losing you again!” 44. “I don’t know why I’m crying.” 45. “I had a nightmare about you and I just wanted to make sure you’re okay.” 46. “I just need to be alone right now.” 47. “When I picture myself happy… It’s with you.” 48. “I made a mistake.” 49. “I may be an idiot, but I’m your idiot.” 50. “I need you to forgive me.” 51. “I see the way you look at me when you think I’m not looking.” 52. “I think I’m in love with you and that scares me half to death.” 53. “I’m flirting with you.” 54. “I’m not good enough for you.” 55. “I fell in love with my best friend.” 56. “I’m sorry, what? I keep getting lost in your eyes.” 57. “I’m up to the challenge.” 58. “I’ve been in love with you my entire life. Ever since the day I first met you.” 59. “I’m yours.” 60. “If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you were trying to seduce me.” 61. “If you go anywhere near them, you’ll have to deal with me!” 62. “It’s okay to cry…” 63. “What do you mean? It’s exciting!” 64. “Talk to me.” 65. “Look at me—just breathe, okay?” 66. “Look, I don’t have much time, but I wanted to say I love you.” 67. “Oh my god! You’re in love with them!” 68. “Well, this is where I live.” 69. “We finish it the same way we started—together.” 70. “What are you afraid of?” 71. “You are the single best thing that has ever happened to me.” 72. “You deserve so much better.” 73. “You don’t have to stay.” 74. “You don’t know you the way I do.” 75. “You fainted, straight into my arms. You know, if you wanted my attention, you didn’t have to go to such extremes.” 76. “You need to wake up because I can’t do this without you.” 77. “You shouldn’t have even been there!” 78. “You weren’t supposed to hear that.” 79. “You’re safe now. I’ve got you.” 80. “Teach me?” 81. “We’re in the middle of a thunderstorm and you want to stop and feel the rain?” 82. “Looks like we’ll be stuck here for a while.” 83. “Just once.” 84. “I can’t believe you talked me into this.” 85. “It’s not what it looks like.” 86. “I got you a present.” 87. “Hey! I was gonna eat that!” 88. “See, now, what that so bad?”.” 89. “You’re the best part of me.” 90. “I don’t want to think about what I’d be like without you.” 91. “Can I hold your hand?” 92. “Let’s move in together.” 93. “It’s a real shame nobody asked for your opinion.” 94. “What time is it?” 95. “Just wait a second.” 96. “Here, let me.” 97. “You’re so cute when you pout like that.” 98. “Hold me back!’ 99. “I don’t care what they said, it doesn’t mean shit!” 100. “I adore you.” 101. “I actually thought I could count on you.” 102. “So you thought what we had was a joke?” 103. “I wonder if you wander in my dreams to catch my nightmares.” 104. “Please tell me your real.” 105. “I like the way you kiss me.” 106. “Your hair is like a marshmallow.” 107. “You are mental.” 108. “I have lost so much, and I don’t want to lose you too.” 109. “Your smile is the only thing I want to see.” 110. “Would you just kiss me already?” 111. “I like you for a lot of reasons. Too many for my own good.” 112. “I’m not very good when it comes to relationships.” 113. “Do you really love me, or was that an illusion you made me believe?” 114. “You, me, date, Friday. Pick me up at six. Okay bye!” 115. “You are a real asshole, did you know?“ 116. “Between you and food, I choose food.” 117. “I just want to cuddle.” 118. “Tell me something good.” 119. “I am a never ending spiral of emotions.” 120. “He is so ignorant, to the fact I’m in love with him.” 21. “Now that should go on Instagram.” 122. “Tony, shut up, I’m not afraid to go world star on you.” 123. “God, I love you so much.” 124. “How the fuck did someone hack me?! I have Norton!“ 125. “I don’t want to be your friend.” 126. “I love you dork. Even if you don’t feel the same way.” 127. “I’m like a house of cards. One blow and I’m broken.” 128. “I got lost in you. And it’s the kind of lost that is exactly like being found.” 129. “How stupid of me to think I was the only flower in your garden.” 130. “I hope you find the happiness you’ve been pretending to have.” 131. “Oh please. You know I give a fuck about you everyday.” 132. “I saw you in my dreams again. It felt so real.” 133. “I want to feel nothing the next time I see you.” 134. “Your hearts too big for your own good.” 135. “You won’t understand and I can’t explain.” 136. “You can’t take back what you said.” 137. “Wow, you weren’t kidding when you said you couldn’t dance.” 138. “Does it bother you that we barely ever talk?” 139. “What do you do if you don’t complete the person that completes you?” 140. “But I needed you. And guess what?-you were never there.” 141. “Had I known I was going to have guests over at 4 a.m., I would’ve tidied up.” 142. “How dare you?!” 143. “It’s you, it’s always been you.” 144. “Well, this is awkward.” 145. “Just pretend to be my date.”

146. “Are you really gonna leave without asking me the question you’ve been dying to ask me?” 147.“You think I’m dumb enough to fall for that stupid move?” 148. “When you love someone, you just don’t stop. Ever. Even when people roll their eyes or call you crazy.. even then. Especially then!” 149. “I think I’ve been holding myself back from falling in love with you all over again.” 150. “You know we’re supposed to be together. I knew the first time I saw yoy and you know it too. I know you do.” 151. “Oh, do you ever shut up?” 152. “Don’t patronize me for something you were too scared to do!” 153. ““I’m like 75% sure this won’t explode.” 154. “You’re bleeding on my carpet.” 155. “Excuse me, but whoever stood you up is a jerk.” 156. “You’re the hero, huh? I guess that makes me the villain.” 157. “Where did you learn to dance?” 158. “Where were you? Do you have any idea as to how worried I was?” 159. “Who gave you that black eye?” 160. “Why are you lying?” 161. “Why are you up so early?” 162. “Why can’t you see what you’re doing to me?” 163. “Why choose me?” 164. “Why don’t you just kiss me already?” 165. “You are the best thing that’s ever happened to me.” 166. “Damn. You clean up good.” 167. “Did I just say that out loud?” 168. “Did I stutter?” 169. “Either ask her out or I will do it for you!” 170. “Excuse me, I’m terribly lost. Can you help me?” 171. “You could have gotten yourself killed!” “But.. I didn’t?” 172. “He’s the opposite of friendly. As in, don’t be friends with him.” 173. “What did I say?” “You told me to behave.” “What did you do?” “The exact opposite.” 174. “Honestly, I only ask for your help because it’s so cute when you try.” 175. “You know, you’re adorable when you’re mab.” “I can literally kill you. Don’t tempt me.” 176. “Hey, I know being evil is kind of your thing and all, but do you think you could like, not, for just a few days. I’m exhausted. I haven’t slept in like three days because I’ve been kept up with your schemes. I have three assignments due and you’re not helping. Do you think you could give me a break, just this once?” 177. “Look, I know you’re a hardass, but can you play with my hair? It would really help.” 178. “I don’t deserve you.” 179. “I’m sorry, but… I don’t remember you.” 180. “I wish I’d never met you.” “No.. you don’t mean that.” 181. “We didn’t even get to use the toys last night.” 182. “You know, I heard you talking, but I still don’t have my coffee.” 183. “I like the way your hand fits in mine.” 184. “You have something in your hair, umm.. Do you want me to get it out?” 185. “It’s nice that your voice was the first thing I heard today.” 186. “You can call me whenever you want.. Even if you don’t have a reason to.” 187. “I’m bad at texting first, so I always end up hoping you will.” 188. “This movie is really scary, but you’re into it so I’m trying not to cover my face the whole time, but- WHAT IS THAT?” 189. “Wait, don’t pull away.. Not yet.” 190. “You look really cute in that sweater.” 191. “Half the time I get too embarrassed to say anything.” 192. “No, it’s fine. I can wait until you’re done talking to them.” 193. “I don’t owe you an explanation.” 194. “I had no idea you were into that stuff.. I‘m glad I found out.” 195. “We have to be quiet.” 196. “You’re trembling.” 197. “I want an answer, goddamnit!” 198. “It was you the whole time.” 199. “Tell me again.” 200. “This is why we can’t have nice things.” 201. “I’m not going anywhere.” 202. “You don’t see me.” 203. “I can’t keep kissing strangers and pretending that they’re you!” 204. “Prove it.” 205. “I might never get another chance to say this.” 206. “Do you regret it?” 207. “Tell me I’m wrong.” 208. “Lie to me then.” 209. “You’ve thought about this, haven’t you?” 210. “The fun doesn’t have to end.” 211. “We need to talk about what happened last night.” 212. “I never stood a chance, did I?” 213. “I feel like I can’t breathe.” 214. “I’m only here to establish an alibi.” 215. “Are you drunk?” 216. “I still remember the way you taste.” 217. “How much of that did you hear?” 218. “What happens if I do this?” 219. “Why are you whispering?” 220. “I think I can convince you to stay.”

[greenmeetsblue221b]

Rating:Not RatedArchive Warning:Creator

Chose Not To Use Archive

WarningsCategory:M/M

Fandoms: Rocketman (2019)Rocketman (2019) RPFBritish Actor RPFActor RPF

Relationship:Taron Egerton/Richard MaddenCharacters:Richard MaddenTaron EgertonDexter Fletcher

Additional Tags: Angst Fluff Filming Rocketman post filming Tiny Dancer - Freeform Richard being unsure Coming Out Kinda Elton John - Freeform(mentioned) - Freeform Fluff and Hurt/Comfort madderton - Freeform

Language: English

“Are you ready to woo me?” He teased easily but Richards stomach clenched a little. For Taron, the scene which they were about to shoot, had a completely different value. It was just another scene in a greater story.

Or Richard dealing with his emotions and feelings during the filming of the Tiny Dancer scene. And Taron being just the best.

[regulsh]

Richard squints at his back. “Now?” He lingers in the doorway, flat footed, fingertips pressing against the wall. He was hoping to ride his buzz straight into the pillow. Wasn’t prepared to have to engage with people any more; as it is, he feels too loose. Not himself.

“Yeah. Just couldn’t sleep.” Taron throws the charger on his desk and pulls out his own phone, intent on it as he falls down onto the foot of Richard’s bed. He lays there, half hanging off the edge. They have a habit of invading each other’s space, so this is. Typical. Richard watches his back twist, the curve of his waist up to his wide shoulders, as he settles. Taron plucks at the duvet.

“Ugh, so comfortable.”

“Great. Happy you are.” Richard’s not quite able to mask his tone. Taron picks his head up to look at him. He hopes his face is doing something reasonable, doesn’t want to be rude.

“Should probably pack it in though,” Taron says, purposefully light. “Long day.”

[writingformadderton]

The Book of You and I

Ship: Madderton

Word Count: 5449

Summary: Richard and Taron are a happy couple, hiding their relationship from the public. On their way home from a date they talk about coming out. They get involved into a car crash that will change everything overnight. Both of them have to go through their own trauma, but only one of them remembers everything...

Additional Tags: fluff, date, car crash, mention of blood, saying goodbye, memory loss, panic attack, friendship, Bodyguard, Rocketman

This here is the birthday request by @grungy-shirt I hope you like it :) - Nati

Part 2

Taron has his fingers tightly interlocked with Richard’s and smiles up to him. They just had a lovely dinner together at their favorite restaurant and are walking back to Richard’s car. The night is warm and the street lamps just turned on. Almost picture perfect. “Thank you.” he says.

“Oh that was nothing.” Rich says and smiles at him, fumbling in his pocket for his car keys. “Are you free tomorrow?”

“For you always, stunning.” Taron chuckles and stands up on his toes, kissing his cheek as Richard opens the car door for him. Taron wraps his arms around his waist and looks up to him with a big smile. “I love you so much.” he connects their lips to a sweet kiss and feels Rich fondling over his hair lovingly.

“I love you too.” Rich says smiling.

“Wanna stay the night? I’d love to have you close to me tonight.” he wiggles his eyebrows and giggles at Richard’s nod.

Richard just grins and closes the door behind him. He gets in on his side and buckles up before starting the car. “I think it’ll be good weather tomorrow. We could enjoy the sun a bit.”

“That sounds good.” T leans back in the seat and looks at Richard smiling.

“What?” he asks and focuses back on the road.

“I just love it when you drive, feels safe.” Taron mumbles and watches him adoringly. “I love you, Richie.” he says and doesn’t care about the fact that he told him that a few minutes ago.

“I love you too.” he says and smiles shortly at him.

“When exactly will we tell the public we’re actually a thing?” T asks and scratches his neck. “I mean we can’t hide it anymore and I don’t want to. I wanna spend my life with you and grow old with you.” He yawns a bit and looks over at his boyfriend. “And I don’t care if there are people that don’t like it, because you mean everything to me and I’ll never leave you.”

Rich smiles softly at his words. “We can announce it whenever you want.”

“How’s about when you win awards for bodyguard?” T teases him.

“It’s not even finished and you’re already thinking - Fuck.” Rich sees the woman crossing the street almost too late and pushes the brakes. Realizing that won’t be enough, he pulls the steering wheel right and they crash into a wall with the front of the car. Richard hears a loud bang and sees Taron’s head hitting the dashboard. He rubs his face and tries to push away the shock in his body to help his boyfriend.

Taron moans loudly as he pulls back a bit and holds his head. “Fuck.” he presses out and groans in pain. The pain in his head is excruciating and he carefully takes his hand away, feeling something wet. His hand is covered in blood and nausea takes over his body. He leans forward and retches. “Richie?” he whimpers in pain.

Richard turns at the sound of his name and sees how pale Taron becomes. His face is covered in blood and there’s a nasty wound on his forehead. “Fuck, T, are you okay?” His boyfriend wretches and throws up all over himself, coughing. Richard tries to open his own seat belt and succeeds after the fifth try. He leans over to Taron and rubs his back smoothly. "It’s okay. We’ll get you in a hospital.” he assures him and Taron braces himself, holding his pounding head and moaning loudly.

“I-I don’t think I can make it.” he groans and leans forward a bit. He never felt so much pain in one area and tears begin to well up in his eyes. “Fuck it hurts so much.” he groans and pushes himself up as he realizes he will pass out soon. Looking at Richard, maybe for the last time, he smiles weakly. “I love you forever, okay?”

Taron rolls his eyes and goes unconscious. Richard curses loudly and moves to get out. He tries to open the door, but it doesn’t work. “No, no, no.” he whines and tries again, throwing his body weight against it. He looks back at Taron. His white shirt is covered in blood now. Richard needs to get him out of here. He throws himself against the door over and over again until the door opens. Rich stumbles outside and rushes onto Taron’s side. He opens the door and unlocks his seat belt. Pulling him out of the car isn’t exactly easy when he doesn’t have any help. He tries his best.

The woman he nearly ran over suddenly appears next to him and helps him to get Taron outside. “Oh my god I am so sorry. I didn’t see the red light.” she apologizes and Richard can smell alcohol. “I called an ambulance. Is your friend okay?”

“No he’s not.” Obviously, Rich curses to himself. He holds Taron close feeling panic rising rapidly in his body. There was nothing more he wished for now than them working on set and the director screaming cut as soon as the ambulance rolled onto the scene. But there is no cut and no scene to be acted. It’s real life and consequences are ahead.

***

Later at the hospital, a nurse checks on him and asks him if anything hurts. Richard only shakes his head and takes the bottle of water thankfully. She brings him into the private room they’ll bring Taron into later and recommends him to get some rest.

But the shock and anxiety in his body are pulsing too rapidly to rest, so he paces the room and only sits down when exhaustion hits him.

After what felt like a week, but was only an hour, a nurse brings Taron in, lying on a bed. He’s sound asleep and his head is wrapped with gauze, the blood on his face gone. As soon as the nurse disappears, Richard leans down to him and places a kiss on his head. “I’m so sorry, bubs. I never wanted you to get hurt.” he whispers and fondles over his hair. He grabs his cold hand and strokes over his bruised knuckles.

After a while, he calls a taxi and heads home. He steps into the bathroom and sees his trousers and shirt that are covered in Taron’s blood. He has some leftover on his hands as well and he quickly turns on the water in the sink. He makes it hot and rubs his hands clean in quick movements. His sight starts to blur as he feels tears burning in his eyes. “Fuck!” he slams the soap into the sink and runs his wet hands through his curls shaking. “Why not me? Why Taron? Oh for fucks sake!” he curses and tries to take deep breaths. But it doesn’t take long for him to crouch down onto the floor and break down.

The love of his life was lying in a hospital bed and his fate unknown? What was Rich to do? What could he do? He racks his brain until exhaustion hits and he sighs. He forces himself up to take a shower and throw the bloody clothes in a bag so they can be washed apart from the other clothes. He slides into bed and tries his best to get some rest.

***

The next day, he cleans his apartment up and prepares the sofa for T. He would take him home as soon as he could and take care of him. Taron would probably tell him he’s okay and go to his own apartment, but Rich wouldn’t let that happen.

He had to take care of him. He was the one who got him into this predicament in the first place. His conscious just couldn’t let Taron recover on his own. He takes one final look at things and grabs his phone and keys. He leaves his place and heads out to start his day.

***

Some time later, he walks into the hospital and carefully opens the door to Taron’s room. Seeing Taron is awake, he feels relief swapping over him and he lets out a deep breath. “Hey, how are you?” he asks and walks over to him. He leans down, places a kiss onto his hair and fondles his cheek. “I’m so glad you’re okay, baby.”

“Who are you?” Taron asks confused and pushes him away.

“What?” Richard raises his eyebrows and takes a step back. “Come on, that’s not funny.” he chuckles weakly.

“I’m not joking.” T says firmly and watches him observantly.

“When is your birthday?” he asks. Taron shrugs his shoulders. “What’s your favorite food?” another shrug. “The name of your mum is Maria.”

“Okay?” T says confused.

“No, it’s Tina.” Rich says and feels fear creeping up in him. “Taron, this is not funny.”

“I’m not making fun of you. How would I know who you are if I don’t know who I am?” he asks a bit annoyed and looks out of the window. Who the hell was this guy and why was he asking him all these questions?

“You really don’t remember anything?” he asks and falls down onto the seat next to the bed heavily.

“Nothing.” he says and it scares him a bit. Anyone could walk in and tell him anything. Doesn’t mean it’s true. He needed answers. He pushes the button for the nurse.

She comes inside and greets the stranger friendly. “Oh Mr. Madden, how are you feeling?”

“I’m okay.” he barely gets out and looks at Taron still a bit startled.

“So, Taron, how are you feeling? Is everything alright? How is your head?” she asks and puts a water bottle and some pills on the bedside table.

“I’m fine.” T says and looks down at his knees. “Miss, do I know him?”

Richard’s heart breaks a little at the question and he bites his lower lip. This was worse than he could have ever imagined. Looking at Taron, he sees he isn’t mocking him. T looked horrified, confused and hurt. He just wants to wrap him up in a blanket and take him home, but now he doesn’t know if that will be even possible.

“Yes, you do. Richard is your boyfriend.” she says softly, looking at Richard shortly who told her yesterday when she asked him how he was related to T.

“My - what?” Taron’s eyes widen and he looks at her shocked. I had a boyfriend? Since when?

“I know it is all very confusing at the moment. Taron you had a bad accident yesterday and you hit your head really hard. You’re suffering from retrograde amnesia, which means you’ve forgotten a lot from your life before the accident.”

“Will I ever remember it again?” Taron asks timidly. It was all too much at one time.

“I can’t assure you that at the moment. But a few things will come back to you. Sometimes when you go to places you used to love, the familiarity comes back.” she suggests and smiles reassuringly.

“Oh yeah. And how am I supposed to remember those places?!” he asks pissed. “But thanks for the advice, I’ll take a tour around the world and see what comes back to me!”

“Don’t be so harsh. She’s trying to help.” Richard says and watches his upset boyfriend.

“I don’t know you, so don’t tell me what to do.” Taron says harshly and Rich swallows hard. He huffs out air from his mouth and looks out of the window. “I wanna be alone.” neither Richard nor the nurse move for a moment. “Please!”

Richard gives in and gets up, walking out quickly. The nurse closes the door and smiles at him compassionate. “I’m sorry. I would have warned you if I had seen you before you went inside.”

Rich just nods slowly and folds his arms in front of his chest. “This is permanent, doctor?” he asks and swallows hard.

“I fear it is. He will have to start all over. At this rate, I’m afraid he won’t let you help him.” she says slowly.

“So I lost my boyfriend in that accident?” he asks and bites his lower lip nervously.

“I’m sorry.” she says low voiced.

“Not your fault.” he says and sits down on one of the seats in the corridor. He looks down at the floor and his thoughts race. Did he really lose Taron yesterday? His one and only, his sweet cuddly love? His throat gets tight and he feels tears burning in his eyes. He thinks back to how Taron wanted to tell the public that they were a couple, how he talked about their future with big, shining eyes. The way he said he feels safe when he’s driving, only to get into a car crash not even two minutes later. The tears roll down his face and he sniffs knowing he needs to calm down.

***

“Ehm, hey. She said you can bring me home.” A soft voice speaks and gently nudges Rich.

Richard opens his eyes and sees Taron’s sneakers in front of him. He looks up and meets his favorite pair of eyes. “Yea? That’s good to hear.”

“You’re crying?” T asks and raises his eyebrows.

“Allergic.” he mumbles and wipes his cheeks clean.

“Inside?” Taron’s voice sounds a bit shocked and he tilts his head in both directions. “To what?”

This shit, he thinks to himself. “Sanitizer.” he says seeing one near and hears Taron chuckle.

“Sure.”

***

Richard opens the door to Taron’s apartment and lets him step inside. He looks around and rolls his eyes a bit seeing the mess.

“Oh I’m messy. I like it.” T says and Rich chuckles softly. Taron wanders around in his apartment and looks into the rooms. It’s strange to imagine he lived here and thought it would never be unknown to him again. T sees a few pictures standing around on a little table and walks over there slowly. “Who is she?” he asks.

“Your mum, Tina.” Rich says and sees the selfie of them, himself pressing a soft kiss onto Taron’s hair, next to the photo he was examining. It was Taron’s favorite.

T then looks at the same photo and frowns a bit. “I don’t think I can do this.” he says and points at the picture. Richard nods slowly and watches T take it out of the frame. Taron hands it to him, contorting his face. “I think I’ll get some sleep.” He speaks lowly and makes his way to his bedroom.

Rich stands silently, the photo in his hand. His love was gone and there was no coming back. With a sigh, he leaves the apartment, tears welling his eyes.

***

Coming to the apartment the next day wasn’t the best idea.

Taron is unsure about having Richard around him, not knowing him anymore. It’s hard for him to process that he doesn’t know anything and can’t even trust himself. They sit at the dining table sharing coffee when Taron speaks up. “Listen, I know you wanna help me but I - I need some time alone.” Taron starts and plays with his hands nervously. “I don’t even know what we were or if you really are who you told me you are.”

“Taron, I wouldn’t lie to you. You were my boyfriend.” Rich says tiredly and rubs his face.

“There was never an us. At least not in my memory and that makes it fucking hard to trust you.” Taron says firmly and runs his fingers through his hair. “How could I be able to love someone when I don’t even know myself?”

Richard watches him sad, his heart wrenching at his words. “I don’t know.” he admits.

“I can’t do this. I need some space and I need to figure things out, figure out who I am.” Taron says and Rich nods slowly.

“Okay then. Call me if you need help with anything.”

***

Three months go by.

Richard hasn’t heard anything from Taron since that day. It hurts to think his life turned upside down that night. To him, it feels like Taron died in that car crash this night. He is just unreachable now. His thoughts are constantly spinning, the car crash haunts his dreams, and wakes him up with screams for help following.

He spent a lot of time with his Bodyguard costar Keeley, who never failed to cheer him up but also gave him time to be sad about it. Richard is still struggling to this day.

Richard plays with the buttons of his suit nervously and looks at the car in front of him. Today was the day they would shoot the scene of the attack during the car ride. His costar and dear friend Keeley steps next to him and pats him on the back. “You’re ready for today?”

“I hope so.” he says and smiles shortly at her.

She nods quickly and watches him carefully. She could easily see how much it’s pulling on her friend’s nerves to act this scene. “We’ll get it done quickly and then we’re done for today. We could spend the rest of the day together if you want to.”

He smiles at her, grateful, and nods. “I’d like that.” he says and she nods smiling.

They sit down in the car and begin the scene. Keeley says her line, then the shot rings through the air. The driver falls back in his seat before sinking down his head. Then comes the cut and Richard is glad to get out of the car. They cover his face in blood just like his shirt, Keeley’s white suit is now covered in fake blood and Richard’s stomach turns seeing it. The picture of Taron’s white blood-stained shirt appears in his mind. But he gets himself together and gets back in the car.

They start again, their driver’s head sinks down and Richard knows he has to slip back into playing David and grabbing the steering wheel to get them to safety. But the sounds, Keeley’s screams in the backseat and all the fake blood does him no good. He feels himself getting cold while his body starts shaking and he breathes deeply, on the edge of a breakdown.

All he can think about is himself pushing the breaks and seeing Taron crashing his head on the dashboard. He sees himself trying to calm Taron down, who’s bleeding heavily and throwing up all over himself while trying to breathe. Taron’s body going limp while he tries to open the door, throwing himself against it and opening his seatbelt. Richard buries his face in his hands and sinks down in his seat trying to focus. The name of his former boyfriend leaves his lips like a curse and he feels nausea creeping up in him.

Keeley quickly realizes what’s going on and sees Richard starting to panic. She needs to stop this before it gets worse. She knew this would be torture for her friend. “Stop it, cut!” she says firmly and opens the door, getting out quickly. “Richard, hey, mate.” he suddenly hears Keeley next to him and feels her hand on his shoulder.

“I can’t - Keeley- I.” he stammers and looks at her with wide blue eyes. Richard grabs the hand she’s holding towards him and tries to breathe.

“It’s okay. You don’t have to do anything.” she leans over him and opens the seatbelt. “Come on, get out.” she urges him softly.

Rich gets out shaking with her help and holds himself at the door as his world starts spinning. He leans forward, resting his head on his hands and lets out a shuddery breath. Fuck.

Keeley rubs his back smoothly and waves her assistant closer. She takes the blanket that was meant to be hers and wraps it around her shivering mate. “Here take my blanket.” she watches him worried and sees how pale his face now was. “You should sit down, Rich.”

“Not in the car.” he presses out and takes a deep breath, standing up straight.

“Okay, then on the floor.”

“They’ll kill me if I sit down on the floor with this suit.”

“Oh fuck that! I don’t care about that. Sit down now.” she urges him and pulls him down. She sits down in front of him in her heels and white suit, not having a single care in the world if it gets dirty. Keeley opens a bottle of water and hands it to Rich, who takes it with a weak smile.

Their director comes towards them and looks down at Rich. “Are you alright, Richard?” Rich just nods and takes a gulp of water. “Brings it all back, huh?”

Richard closes the water bottle slowly and his grip around it gets tight. Of course it does! He remains silent, feeling panic in him mixing with hopelessness.

“I’m sorry but we can’t do this again today.” Keeley speaks firmly and gets up. She reaches her hand out for Richard, who grabs it and pulls him up. “Let’s get out of these clothes.” the Brit wraps the blanket around him tightly again and wraps her arm around him as she walks him away from set.

***

Richard puts on his clothes and follows Keeley to her trailer. He remains silent as she turns on the water boiler and puts some cookies onto a plate. She disappears in her bathroom and comes back with some make-up remover tissues. Her own face is now clean and she leans down to Richard, wiping away the fake blood and dirt, cleaning his face softly. “Thank you.” he mumbles and watches her throwing them away.

She gets two cups and fills them with the hot water, adding two tea bags and some sugar. Sitting down next to him, she wraps her arm around him and rubs his shoulder lovingly. “Are you alright, my dear?”

Richard shakes his head and rests his head on her shoulder. “I don’t think I can do this scene. Seeing the blood on your white suit reminded me of his shirt. The way our driver sank down transformed into Taron fainting in my mind.”

“I’m sorry bout that, Rich.” she says lowly and fondles over his hair. “We’re gonna find a way.”

“I just wanna forget the accident. And him.” he says sadly. “Sometimes I wish that I hit my head just as hard.” he admits, but feels bad about it. This wasn’t fair. Taron had to struggle to get his memory back and here he was sulking, wishing he was in his place.

“You’d really prefer not knowing who you are, not even your name, over this here? The constant paranoia that you know everyone who knows your name? How do you think it will affect his relationship with his fans? Some could tell him stories that aren’t even true.” she states and remains silent for a moment. “Imagine reading all the fake articles about stupid things you never said or did. You wouldn’t know your mum anymore. Your youth would be gone. Your first acting experiences. Everything that is normal for us.” she sighs a bit. “That isn’t what you want. And T needs time to cope and get his life back.”

“Yeah, I know. It just hurts. I don’t wanna feel this way anymore.” he mumbles and rubs his face tiredly.

***

“Richard, nice to meet you again.” Dexter Fletcher says and sits down opposite him. “So, you’re the top candidate of our role for John Reid. But it was brought to my attention that you aren’t thrilled about it anymore.”

“I- Well to be honest I’m neither a singer nor a dancer and since you wanna make it like a musical -.” Rich says and scratches his neck. He didn’t want to do this because he simply was bad at it.

“We have one dancing sequence with our main actor planned for you. We’ll see if it makes the final cut. You would sing one song and of course we would transform it into a scene.” Dexter explains and watches the man in front of him. He hadn’t told Richard that Taron was the leading man yet. Everyone heard about the car crash and knew their paths parted afterwards due to Taron’s retrograde amnesia. Dexter saw both of them struggling with their own lives after the crash. This could be another major reason for Richard to back out. But they wanted him so bad. He was perfect and Elton approved of the choice.

“Mm okay.” Rich says and thinks for a moment. “Who is playing Elton? You didn’t tell me yet.” he thinks and it seems strange. Dexter is normally raving about his actors and the excitement of the project overall. But he seemed to be holding back.

Dexter takes out his phone and connects it with his headphones. He gives them to Richard and watches him put one in his ear. “Just listen. Maybe this will help with your final decision. It’s a raw version but who cares.”

Richard frowns a bit but decides to give in. He can hear the first notes of Rocketman and as soon as he hears the singer starting, he looks at him shocked. “Oh.” he just says and listens. Taron’s angelic voice sends goosebumps all over his body, like it did every time before.

Dex remains quiet and watches Richard closely. The man in front of him looks lost in thoughts and his deep blue eyes are brimmed with tears.

Richard is stuck in his memories while listening to Taron singing. He bites his lower lip nervously and the vulnerability and softness in Taron’s voice hurts him physically. Damn, his golden boy still had an amazing voice. When the song stops, he looks at the table for a moment. “And you think playing the lover of my ex-boyfriend is a good idea?”

“Tell me.” Dex says and raises his eyebrows challenging. “Tell me this song, with his bloody amazing voice, didn’t touch you. Tell me you would give away the chance to get to know him all over again. Tell me you don’t want him to meet you again.” he sees Richard squirming a bit in his seat. “Do it and I’ll tell Elton that Richard Madden doesn’t want the role anymore.”

Richard folds his arms in front of his chest. “You do know it isn’t fair to just throw me into this all of a sudden? Exposing me to Taron this way?”

“It might have been a bit unfair.” Dex admits with a smirk.

“God Dex, you drive me crazy.” he sighs and shakes his head a bit. “Fine, I’ll do it. But just because you and Elton seem to want me so badly.”

“Okay! Ehm this might be a bit quick now, but I have T with me.”

“Shut up.” Richard says and his eyes widen. “Dex, don’t you dare-.”

But then the door opens and his former boyfriend steps in. “Hey, Dex you’re still on it or -?”

“No, it’s fine, Taron. Meet your new costar.” he says and gets up, seeing the look in Richard’s eyes. “I’ll let you get to know each other.” he says and winks at Rich, who can’t stop himself from rolling his eyes.

Taron watches him leave and smiles at him shyly. “Hi.” he says and walks over to him.

Richard gets up and shakes his hand. “Hey.”

“I’m Taron, do I know you? I’m sorry, weird question. I lost my memory in a car accident. Well, at least that’s what they told me.”

“Yeah, I heard about that.” I was driving, he thinks. But he couldn’t tell him that. “I’m Richard.”

“And you are playing-?” he sits down and watches him curiously.

“John Reid.” he says and sits down as well.

“Oh yeah. Sorry again. Sometimes I struggle to keep any information I get.” he chuckles softly.

“No problem.” Rich says with a weak smile.

Taron watches him observantly and he gets a funny feeling. He knew him from somewhere. “You seem familiar to me. I think I’ve seen you before.” he looks into his deep blue eyes and the brown slightly curly hair. The accent wasn’t unknown as well, it matched with his voice perfectly. “Have we met, like a month after the accident?”

“No.” That wasn’t exactly a lie.

“Okay. I can’t remember anything before and the month after the accident happened. It’s all a blur so I don’t really know what I was doing.” he explains. “Probably watched one of your movies.” he grins.

“Maybe.” Rich says with a small smile.

“So what convinced you to stay? Dex told me you considered not doing it.” Taron says and looks at him questioning.

“To be honest, it was you singing.” Richard admits softly. “You got a beautiful voice mate, sent goosebumps all over my body.”

“Oh, thank you.” Taron says and blushes smiling.

Oh God, don’t do that to me, he thinks. Not the blushing. “So how is your life now? Must be difficult to handle it all on your own.”

“Oh yeah, I’m doing okay. My mum helped me in the beginning, she’s lovely. Meeting her the first time was strange. I found out I have two younger sisters. Now I’m living on my own in the apartment and well I apparently worked with Dexter before. He decided to help me out as well.” Taron explains and looks down at the table. “I don’t know much about my friends from my earlier life to be honest. And almost nothing about the car crash.”

“No?” Rich asks confused. “You could have looked up your name.”

“I don’t wanna risk reading some fake news.” Taron says with a weak smile.

“Oh, yeah.” Richard says and an awkward silence lies between them.

T plays with his hands nervously. “The only thing I have is something I found in my jacket. I’ve been carrying it with me since then.” Taron pulls something from his trousers. He unfolds the piece of paper and looks down at it. Richard’s throat tightens at that sight and he presses his lips together. “It has my name on it, my mum’s phone number, and what happened to me.”

Rich looks down at it and recognizes his own hand writing. Seems like T kept the last memory he has of him.

Taron looks up and sees the tears in Richard’s eyes. “You okay?” he asks worried and watches him observantly.

“Yeah, just - an allergy.” he says and thinks back when he made up this lie.

“To what?” Taron asks and tilts his head sideways.

“Flowers.” he nearly chokes on the word and points at the flowers in front of them.

Taron gets up and throws them in the trash. “You could have said something, mate.”

He doesn’t know what hurts more. The way Taron just threw away what supposedly caused his tears or that he called him mate. “It’s okay.” he says with eyes full of tears.

***

Later that day, Richard calls Keeley and tells her everything. He doesn’t feel ready to work with Taron, who seemed to forget the first two days he left the hospital. It all happened too fast and it hurt him physically to look into those beautiful eyes he fell in love with all this time ago. It was strange to see the man who used to be his boyfriend, his clumsy funny lover who always wanted him close, become so distant from him. It’s worse than a break up because the Taron he knew was gone, without a warning, overnight.

Thinking back to Taron’s last words, he starts crying. I love you forever, okay? Did he realize he wouldn’t be the same afterwards?

How could he ever be able to start over again with Taron? Maybe they would never be madly in love again and it would only be a product of Richard’s imagination combined with some suspicions from the magazines.

“Keeley, I can’t pretend I don’t know the way his lips taste. Or how his hair felt underneath my fingers, his smell when he cuddled into me.” he says sadly and looks up at the ceiling.

“I guess you have to. Richard, the Taron you know is gone. It’s time to start over with him, hun.”

Richard tunes out the rest of her words as tears fall down his cheeks and his heart starts racing. This wasn’t right. This isn’t how it was supposed to be. They were happy, so madly in love, their whole future in front of them. Both thinking they would spend it together. Oh god, they were so wrong.

@taron-eggmcmuffin @sarahegerton96 @primaba11erina @multicoloredchicken @anxiety-at-the-classroom @maddertonmyheart @madderton-obsessed @naptitimadderton

[tarontherocketman]

Mr Madden | Madderton Teacher AU | Chapter 3

TW: MENTION OF SUICIDE NEAR THE END OF THE CHAPTER

It was Friday at last, the week was almost over, and the day started off the same as every other day this week did: 

“Mr Madden.”

“Mr Egerton.” The pair smirked at each other as Taron slipped through the partly open door of Rich’s classroom with a mug of coffee in each hand, setting one down on Rich’s desk on the mug coaster that he had brought in from home; a black round coaster with a big golden ‘R’ for Richard. Taron liked that Rich had brought in his own coaster to use, it was one of the many personal touches in his classroom, something Taron had never thought to do in his own.

“I love all your little bits of personal stuff around your desk,” he observed, looking around as he pulled up a chair, leaning over to see the computer screen and resting his chin on Rich’s shoulder. This was something that had become a daily happening out of the blue the morning after their drink at the bar. Neither of them really knew what it meant at this point, their friendship just escalated into a new comfort zone all of a sudden. However, they silently agreed not to overthink it yet, they were both just enjoying having a new best friend. 

“You should get some bits for your classroom, you don’t have anything personal in there,” Rich suggested.

“I know, never really thought about it, it’s just a workplace to me.”

“That’s the thing though, we spend so much of our time at work I like making it homely you know?” Rich pondered, looking around at his things trying to think of ideas for Taron’s classroom.

“You’re right Rich, well hey it’s the weekend tomorrow let's go shopping you can help me choose some stuff for my classroom!” Taron declared, to which Rich immediately nodded enthusiastically.

“You are so on! I love doing things like that,” Rich gushed. Taron raised an eyebrow, pulling his chin away from Rich’s shoulder to look at him.

“What? Shopping for homeware and office supplies? Jeez this is why you,” he put his index finger on Rich’s chest, “are older than me,” he teased, scampering up from his chair to run to the other side of the classroom before Rich could attempt to playfully whack him in the arm.

“Three years! Only three years!” Rich pouted, trying not to break into a smile.

“I was only two months away from being a 90s kid you know,” Taron declared proudly, straightening his tie with fake arrogance.

“So close, yet so far, you’re still an 80s kid pal,” Rich laughed, patting Taron’s seat to indicate him to come back. Taron scurried back and barely managed to sit down before Rich got that playful whack on Taron’s arm.

“THAT was for calling me old!” he huffed.

“Ow, calm down Grandpa!” Taron snickered.

“You little shit!” Rich cried before the pair burst into laughter, Taron habitually gripping on to Rich’s forearm as they laughed.

At this moment a tall, sour-faced looking woman walked past the door to the classroom, her hair tied in a neat bun and a school logo lanyard and staff badge round her neck. She peered through the window in the door, narrowing her eyes at the over friendly pair of male teachers. Rich noticed her in his peripheral vision and jerked away from Taron, mumbling a quiet ‘shit’.

“Rich? What’s wrong?” Taron asked, whipping his head around to see what Rich was looking at. “What was it?”

“Uh, Mrs Reynolds just saw us through the window…” Rich mumbled.

“It’s alright she won’t make a fuss of it, we weren’t doing anything, just a bit of fun. Right?” Taron asked nervously, reading Rich’s worried facial expression.

“T, she’s one of the Religious Studies teacher, her classroom his two doors down from here. I know RS teachers and religious people in general don’t all share the same opinion, but I’ve sat in the staff room with her and I happen know exactly what her thoughts on homosexuals are.”

“Ah,” Taron whispered, nodding slowly.

“Yep,” Rich said bluntly.

“Well, she doesn’t know either of us are gay, AND we weren’t even doing anything wrong, so she’s got nothing on us!” Taron assured his best friend, putting his hand on Rich’s leg who pushed his hand off harshly.

“Maybe not yet but she’ll be watching us now! I thought this was exactly what you didn’t want to happen here?” Rich snapped, making Taron flinch slightly from seeing a new emotion in Rich that he hadn’t yet been introduced to.

“I didn’t!” Taron defended, “but- but I suppose it feels different since I met you!”

“Well I’ve only been here a week Taron, and I really don’t want to fuck up another job thank you very much,” Rich hissed, turning back to his computer screen abruptly. 

“Another?” Taron asked quickly, now distracted from the original argument.

“Just…pretend I never said that,” Rich murmured, “I need to finish this presentation.” Taron opened and closed his mouth a few times, deciding whether or not to say anything that could potentially make things worse considering he had obviously just hit a nerve. He decided on just leaving it and walking out the classroom quietly. Rich stubbornly kept his gaze fixated on the computer until Taron had left the classroom, making sure he had definitely gone before putting his head in his hands and groaning to himself.

__________________________________________________

The day eventually drew to an end, consisting of some awkward glancing and looking away happening between Taron and Rich when they would inevitably pass each other in the hallway. They had both spent break times in their own classrooms to avoid conversation, not even 100% why they were mad at each other but sticking to it anyway.

“Alright guys I’ll see you next week,” Taron concluded, indicating to his class that they were free to go, which definitely made everyone very happy knowing that they were free for 2 whole days.

“Sir?” a small voice appeared behind Taron.

“Yes, Ella?” he asked, not turning around from his computer.

“You didn’t say have a good weekend, you always say have a good weekend, what’s wrong?” Ella quizzed, surprising Taron with her intuitiveness.

“Someone’s observant,” Taron mused as he swivelled his chair around to face the blonde-haired teenager. Ella just shrugged casually.

“I pick up on these things,” she smiled, her energy rubbing off on Taron, softening him a bit after a rough day. “What’s on your mind?”

“Oh, it’s nothing, just an argument with a friend,” Taron chuckled, almost laughing at his own stupidity in the whole situation, forgetting more and more as the day went on why he was even being so stubborn about talking to Rich.

“Mr Madden?” Ella asked nonchalantly. Taron blinked slowly.

“How’d you…?”

“I told you I pick up on things! I don’t have any friends so I have more time to watch what goes on around me,” Ella admitted, not sure whether to feel proud of her observation skills or embarrassed that she just flat out casually told her Drama teacher that she doesn’t have any friends.

“Hmm you’re even smarter than I thought you were,” Taron grinned, “but yes, Mr Madden.”

“Well, I dunno what you had an argument about but just talk to him about it, you’re gonna have to eventually, no point avoiding it for longer than needed,” Ella said, folding her arms, “trust me, I’ve been there,” she said sadly.

“Yeah, you’re right Ella, thanks.”

“I know,” she shrugged. “Anyway, I need to get the bus before it leaves, see you next week Sir.”

“Alright have a good weekend Ella,” Taron called as she began to speed walk out of the classroom.

“You too!” she called back as she disappeared down the tiny hall and out of the drama block door. Taron sat at his desk in bemusement that a 14 year old had given him better advice than he had given himself, deciding to hurriedly gather all of his stuff together and stride over to Rich’s classroom to talk to him, feeling a little nervous after an entire day of avoiding him. He approached the classroom gingerly, psyching himself up as he walked the hallway before taking a breath and swinging open the door.

“Rich I’m really sorry,” he whimpered, cringing at his own failure to maintain his composure.

“I- Taron!” Rich hissed quietly, nodding to the wide open doorway that Taron was stood in.

“Oh yeah, sorry,” Taron apologised quickly, hopping in the room and letting the door close behind him before starting again.

“I’m sorry I didn’t take things seriously earlier Rich, or, you know- just now,” he chuckled awkwardly.

“No I’m sorry, T, I really overreacted,” Rich said as he softened up.

“No you were right, we need to be more careful, which is why you’re going to come to my house later so we can spend quality time together without prying eyes!” Taron declared confidently.

“Am I now?” Rich asked with a smirk.

“Yep, 7pm, I’ll message you my address,” Taron stated.

“Sounds good to me,” Rich smiled as Taron turned on his heel and walked out of the classroom as confidently as he had walked in, not disappearing for even 10 seconds before poking his head back round through the still open door.

“Oh yeah and we’re going to order pizza, forgot that part of my speech,” Taron confessed, ruining the grand exit he had initially planned.

“Speech?” Rich laughed, “alright Obama. I’ll see you later,” he shook his head fondly at his best friend’s solid attempt at being charming.

_____________________________________________________

Taron jumped up from the sofa excitedly upon hearing the knock on his apartment door, smoothing out his t-shirt even though it wasn’t actually creased and attempting to check his own breath by breathing into his hand and smelling it, realising it didn’t work and settling on just opening the door without fussing around any further.

“Hey Ri- oh,” he laughed nervously as the open door revealed his neighbour from across the hall.

“Hey Taron, uh, the delivery guy gave me your package to look after when you weren’t in earlier.”

“Ah lovely, thanks Jerry,” he took the package, closing the door with one last polite smile to his neighbour.

Typical, he thought to himself, that would only happen to him. Another knock on the door caused him to discard the package on the dining table before he could start opening it. He pulled the door open carefully, not wanting to get too excited this time.

“Oh good it’s you this time,” he smiled, opening the door fully to let his best friend in.

“You what?” Rich queried, looking puzzled at Taron having no previous context for why Taron would say that. 

“Never mind, come in!” he gestured to the sofa that wasn’t too far from the door, heading to the kitchen that was a part of the open plan floor.

“Can I get you a drink?” he offered politely, opening the cupboard to grab two glasses in advance. 

“Sure, what have you got?” Rich asked.

“Well good sir it depends whether you’re in the mood for something sophisticated like a scotch,” he began pompously, “or just…a glass of lemonade,” he finished casually.

“Taron,” Rich paused, “I’m Scottish, what do you think the answer is?”

“One scotch coming up,” Taron said assuredly as he poured the drink, Richard replied with a single, proud nod.

“Here,” Taron said, placing the drinks on the coffee table in front of them.

“Thanks,” Rich replied as he leaned over to grab the drink and take a sip. Taron slumped down next to him on the sofa and sighed a long sigh of relief that the week was over.

“Yeah, I’m glad it’s the weekend too,” Rich agreed, feeling Taron’s sigh as if it was his own.

“Yeah, been quite a week,” Taron noted.

“It has indeed.”

“How was your first week as a teacher then?” Taron asked.

“Better than I expected, I was worried that the students would all find my classes boring and I wouldn’t make any friends. Turns out they like me, they like my teaching, and I did make friends. In fact I made a best friend,” Rich said as he looked into Taron’s kind eyes.

“Aww, Rich! Well that’s good to hear.”

“How was your week?” Rich asked in return.

“Eh,” Taron shrugged, “just another week, nothing special happened really,” Taron pondered, looking forward because he knew if he made eye contact with Rich he would start laughing.

“Oi!” Rich laughed, folding his arms and looking away in a fake huff.

“Joking!” Taron chirped, turning back around and wrapping both arms round Rich, reaching around his shoulders. Rich reciprocated by placing his hands on Taron’s arms. Taron rested his head on Rich’s shoulder, who rested his head against Taron’s head, deciding this was how they would stay now for a bit. Rich habitually rubbed his right thumb on the bit of Taron’s arm that his right hand was placed on.

“Did you want to talk about earlier?” Taron asked cautiously.

“What? The argument, or why I fucked up my last job?” Rich mused.

“I was going to let you decide that.”

“Honestly I don’t really want to talk about either right now, let’s just enjoy the moment. I’ll tell you about the job another time though because I can tell you’re curious.”

“Yeah I am a bit,” Taron admitted, “wait, did you just call this a moment? Are we having a moment?” he teased.

“Mm maybe,” Rich breathed, lifting his head to look at Taron, who looked straight back into Rich’s bright blue eyes, scooting closer to him. Both of their breathing quickened in anticipation as Taron pulled his arms away and placed his hands on either side of Rich’s face, rubbing his thumbs over his cheek bones before pulling him in. He could smell the scotch on Rich’s breath as their lips brushed against each other for a moment before Rich got impatient and reached around the back of Taron’s neck, pulling him in so their lips meet properly. Taron moved his hands to wrap around Rich’s torso, working them up and down his back. The sunset made the last bit of sun for the day shine perfectly through the crack in the curtains, hitting them both perfectly as they shared this moment for a while longer.

“Wow,” Taron breathed heavily as he pulled away gently.

“Yeah,” Rich breathe-laughed. “I only met you a week ago,” he teased, imitating what Taron had said at the bar at the start of the week.

“And what an amazing week it’s been,” Taron imitated back, copying Rich’s response.

“Indeed it has! You hungry?”

“Oh god yes, pizza?” Taron said excitedly.

“Fuck yes.”

________________________________________________________

The weekend had passed by in what felt like an hour, and there they were again. Monday morning, the worst day of the week because everyone in the school- teachers and students alike- know it’s only the beginning of a potentially long, hard week. The day started the same as any other, which always consisted of:

“Mr Madden.”

“Mr Egerton.”

Followed by a coffee and catch up, except today it was in Taron’s classroom to admire the new bits and bobs Rich had helped him choose out on the weekend. There was a black mug coaster with a golden T on the desk to match Rich’s, one of those light-boxes that you can organise the letters on to write a message, which Rich had spelled out “Mr Egerton” on, there was a new 2020 desk calendar that Rich had convinced Taron to get done at a personalised calendar shop in the mall with one of his favourite plays on each month, a notebook with the letter ’T’ on the front, and a matching ’T’ pen pot too.

Rich journeyed to his classroom a few minutes before the bell was due to ring, at which point students began to file into Taron’s classroom, he wrote the date and learning objective on the board as the class took their time to settle, before sitting at his desk to call out the register, going name by name with a ‘here sir’ mumbled in reply after each name by the relevant student.

“Ella,” he called, getting no response. The entire atmosphere in the room changed, bringing a grossly enhanced meaning to ‘elephant in the room’.

“What?” Taron quizzed, looking around and his class, getting nothing back. 

“Guys?” he asked, starting to get antsy, “anyone?” 

“Didn’t you hear?” one of the girls in his class spoke up.

“Hear what?” Taron began to panic, thinking about how he was the first in the staff room when he got him and Rich’s coffee so he hadn’t actually seen any other teachers yet. No one in the class dared to speak a word, all looking down uncomfortably at their desks.

“Taron!” Rich burst in the room and exclaimed, but then coughing awkwardly and correcting himself to “Mr Egerton.”

“Um, Rich what’s going on?” Taron whispered so the students wouldn’t hear him, failing miserably considering you could hear a pin drop in the room at that moment, he ushered Rich out of the classroom and pulled the door shut behind them.

“I’m sorry I only just found out when I put the mugs back in the staff room just now I came straight back,” Rich said, out of breath from jogging back to Taron’s classroom, trying to make it before class started.

“What is it?!” Taron persisted, urging Rich to hurry up and spit it out.

“Ella overdosed last night.”

Taron’s eyes went wide, tears beginning to form that he tried to desperately blink away.

“-what?” he squeaked, his voice barely making a sound.

“She’s alive,” Rich assured, placing his hands on Taron’s shoulders.

“Is she going to be okay?” Taron whispered.

“I- I don’t know, T, we can only hope for now, I’m sorry,” he admitted, pulling Taron into a tight hug, letting the now silently sobbing man bury his face into his chest.

“I should have done more,” he mumbled into Rich’s shirt.

“Don’t say that-”

“No,” Taron cut Rich off, “this is the part of being a teacher I never wanted to experience, she trusted me and I didn’t do enough to protect her I should have looked more into it and talked to the head teacher or her parents or, I don’t know,” he rambled, “I spoke to her on Friday at the end of class and she could tell I was upset about our argument and cheered me up but I didn’t bother asking how she had been doing and-”

“T, you’re her teacher not her Dad, she’s not your responsibility,” Rich persuaded.

“She is when she’s at school Rich! Part of being a teacher is keeping them safe and I failed.”

“I know, I know,” Richard soothed “but she did this outside of school, at home, not at school, you can’t blame yourself for this, please stop blaming yourself,” Rich rubbed Taron’s back, trying to calm him down knowing that he has to go back in that classroom and teach sooner or later. He pulled away from Taron, drying his damp cheeks with his sleeves. “Look, go clean yourself up, I’ll watch your class for a minute I’ve got a free period ok?”

“Thanks, Rich,” Taron smiled weakly, patting Rich on the shoulder and walking off to the bathroom to clean up. Staring at himself in the mirror thinking about how after such a lovely weekend, this is how Monday morning starts. He knew for certain that it was going to be a long week ahead.

__________________________________________________

Ahhhh hi! I was SO nervous to post this but here it is, I decided I’d try out a few things in this chapter to see how you guys react to it which is why it’s quite long, just to make sure my writing is going in the right direction you know? Anyway if it’s more cute Madderton moments you’re waiting for I can tell you now that’s coming in the next chapter; now that I’ve done my drama/romance/angst experiment heh, so yeah I really hope you lot like it <3

Tag list: @taron-eggmcmuffin @coffeetalkbaby @nataschalenasblog 

[writingformadderton]

I need you

Ship: Madderton

Word Count: 3482

Summary: Richard and Taron are having a rough time and both of them start fighting because of the tiniest reasons. One day Richard has enough and decides to take a break, moving out for a while. But this break that’s supposed to help them, only makes it worse for both them, until an old friend decides to help...

Additional Tags: argument, guilt, crying, drinking, sleepless nights, angst

--

Taron walks around at home nervously, looking around making sure everything’s clean. He and Richard got into fights easily at the moment over the most unnecessary things. T was so sick of it and he recognized how it frayed Richard's nerves. Rich was working a lot at the moment and Taron had to prepare for his role in a few months but had some time off. He tried his best to help Richard with the stress but somehow they just don't get along as well as they used to.

Richard parks his car in front of the house and sinks his head on the steering wheel taking a deep breath. He doesn’t want to get in a fight with Taron today, not again. He just wants to spend a beautiful afternoon with the love of his life. Rich doesn’t know why but it wasn’t as easy as before and they got on each other’s nerves so easily.

He opens the door and steps in seeing the mopped floor he frowns. “Taron?” His boyfriend comes down the stairs with his phone and script in hand. “Are we expecting someone?” he asks confused. 'Please say no'.

“No?” Taron asks confused and places his stuff aside.

Richard kisses him and T wraps his arms around his neck. “You cleaned the floors, that’s why I was wondering.”

Taron pulls back immediately and frowns. “Are you trying to tell me that I only clean when we’re expecting guests?” he tries to hide his annoyance. T cleaned the whole house and that's the comment he got!

“What? No. I-.” Richard groans a bit. Here they go again. “I didn’t mean it that way, I’m sorry.” he tries to apologize and wants to hit his head against the wall. Why the hell did he ask?

“Mm.” T just hums and let's go of him to grab his stuff. “If you want to know why I thought it would be a nice surprise since you’re clearly working your ass off on set.”

“T, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to-.”

“Food is in the fridge.” Taron just says and smiles shortly at him before walking into the living room trying to hide how much this comment stung him.

Richard sighs and walks into the kitchen. He isn’t hungry after hurting Taron and leans against the kitchen countertop. Burying his face in his hands he tries to sort his thoughts and blinks his tears away. “Not again,” he whispers to himself and tries to calm himself down.

Taron sits on the sofa and shakes his head slightly. Was he overreacting or misinterpreting his words? But it did sound that way... and it felt horrible. T blinks his tears away and takes a deep breath, calm down. Suddenly he feels Richard wrapping his arms around him from behind and burying his face in his shoulder. “You alright?”

Richard just shakes his head and tightens his embrace around him. He isn’t alright and he knows it's his own fault. The Scotsman feels the tears coming back into his eyes and let's go of Taron quickly not wanting him to see. “I’m gonna go shower.” he presses out with tears threatening to fall down his cheeks. His voice is beginning to wobble and shake barely audible.

But Taron hears it, biting his lower lip trying to hold back his own tears. “Okay,” he says flatly and looks down at his knees listening to Richard leaving the room. As soon as he’s alone he lets the tears fall down and looks up at the ceiling frustrated. This little fight today was no reason to cry for both of them, but it happened constantly and it just got to be too much. “Ah fuck it,” Taron says and gets up rushing up the stairs quickly. He opens the door to their bedroom in a rush making Richard flinch surprised.

Richard turns around and sees the tears streaming down Taron's cheeks. He throws his clothes aside and sits down on their bed heavily. “I didn’t mean to hurt you with that, Taron. I had a long day and I just hoped I hadn't forgotten that someone was coming to visit,” he explains and runs his fingers through his hair.

“I know.” Taron huffs and sees new tears making their way down on his boyfriend's face. He walks over to him and stops right at the edge of the bed. Richard sinks against him and buries his face in his chest while wrapping his arms around him. Taron rests his chin in his soft brown curls and rubs his back soothingly.

“I’m so sorry about the fighting.”

“I’m sorry too,” Richard sniffles into his chest and fights against letting it all out.

- 

Two days later Richard has a terrible headache due to the weather changing outside. He isn’t in a really good mood and Taron tries to keep his mouth shut, knowing it wasn’t wise to talk on these days. This afternoon Richard falls asleep at the kitchen table and Taron finds him there after a while. He rolled his eyes a bit amused seeing him like that. T gets out a glass of the kitchen cabinet and fills it with water. He places it on the table in front of Rich together with a painkiller. When he goes to get a glass for himself another one falls straight into his face. The glass shatters into pieces on the floor, and so did his glasses. “Fuck.” he curses and closes the cabinet quickly.

Richard jumps up, looks at Taron shocked and groans. “What the fuck are you doing?” he asks a bit ruder then he intends to.

Taron glares and starts collecting the fragments of glass. “Destroyed a cup.” he snaps.

“Clumsy as always,” he mumbles under his breath and rubs his face.

“What was that?” Taron asks with hands on his hips and looks up to him. He heard him clearly but he was curious if Richard would say it to his face.

“Nothing. Where did you leave your glasses? You would have seen what you’re doing with them on.” Richard looks down at his boyfriend who throws the glass pieces back onto the floor making them shatter again.

“You know what? Fuck off, seriously.” Taron spits out annoyed and gets up. He washes his hands, making sure nothing sticks to his hands. He picks up his destroyed eyeglasses, hoping he can try to find somebody to fix them. “I was wearing them while preparing you a glass and a pill. When I took a glass for myself it hit my glasses and both fell down.” He steps towards the door and looks back at him briefly, disgust written plainly on his face. “Oh and I’m fine, my face hurts and my glasses are destroyed, thanks for asking.” With that, he slams the door closed.

Richard just shakes his head, not in the mood for a fight today. He grabs a broom and sweeps up the rest of the glass and throws it in the bin, before swallowing the pill and drinking the water.

Taron grabs his keys, puts his shoes on quickly, and steps outside breathing in the fresh air. It’s September and the weather’s beginning to turn colder. He needs some time alone for now.

 -

When Taron comes back that evening he turns on his phone again and sees five missed calls from Richard and a few text messages. He puts it back in his pocket and tries to conceal the pack of cigarettes, he bought to calm his nerves, in his jacket. Taron walks upstairs quietly and opens the door to their bedroom. Richard is asleep in the armchair with his phone in his hand. As soon as Taron closes the door behind him he shifts in the seat and opens his eyes.

Relief in his eyes quickly turns to anger. “Thank you for letting me know you’re alive,” he says sarcastically and gets up in a huff.

Taron snarls annoyed. “Don’t make a scene now it’s late.”

Rich looks at him speechless before swallowing hard. “Fine, then I’m leaving without making a scene. I need a break from all this shit.”

Taron stops in his movements and turns around slowly. “Are you fucking kidding me right now? You're letting out your anger on me and when I need some fresh air for once you get mad at me?” T throws his sweater on the bed aggressively. “You're the one that always ditches me for a walk or drive while I’m here thinking about what I did wrong. Why shouldn’t I be allowed to do that?” he's getting mad now.

“I always tell you when I’m leaving! That’s the fucking difference.” Richard spits out and grabs the charger for his phone. “We’ve constantly fought these last few weeks and I can’t continue like this. I’m staying with a friend for a while.”

“How long?” Taron asks quietly and feels himself getting scared.

“I- Taron, a while.” Richard avoids his question and looks down at the floor.

“How? Long? Richard.” Taron asks firmly.

“A few weeks, don’t know yet,” Rich says plainly and looks at him with dull eyes. Taron nods slowly and shakes his head. “Listen, I know you’re mad, but it’ll be for the best.”

“The best for whom?” T spits out and opens the bedroom door again. “Bye then,” he says and nods towards the door signaling for Richard to leave. Richard watches him with raised eyebrows but steps outside. “That’s so typically you, leaving when it gets rough,” Taron calls after him.

Rich stops and bites his lower lip momentarily before looking him in the eyes, his own filled with tears. “And that’s so typical of you, making me feel bad for taking a step back when I can’t cope with something anymore.”

Taron swallows down his tears at that and slams the door loudly behind him. As soon as he's sure Richard leaves the house he sinks into bed and curls up crying. “Fucking hell!” he punches his pillow and throws Richards down from the bed.

Richard plops down on his car seat and looks up at the ceiling taking a deep breath. “Fuck!” he shouts and punches his steering wheel.

 -

Two months later Taron reached one of the lowest points in his life. He hasn’t cleaned the house properly for a while, stayed in most of the time, and was constantly wearing hoodies and sweatpants. His hair is a mess and he isn’t in a good place mentally. Seeing Richard attending the premiere of his movie, looking beautiful in his dark suit, was heart-wrenching. Rich made up a reason for not having Taron right by his side, which was simply that he had too much to do for his own work.

When Taron read that he couldn’t stop thinking about it. Work never held him back from supporting his boyfriend, which wasn’t a secret to the public. But what disturbed Taron the most was how happy he looked. It seemed to be so easy for Richard.

What Taron doesn’t see is how Richard's smile fades as soon as he’s alone. How he lets the tears roll down his cheeks while staring up at the ceiling fan, wishing he would finally stop feeling bad. The way he hides in his room caught up in work most of the time. He doesn’t see how much Richard suffers underneath the new circumstances.

Today was one of the hard days and Taron didn’t even leave his bed. Suddenly his phone rings and he sees it’s Elton. “Elton?”

“Taron, mate, how are you?” his friend asks him.

“Actually not really well. I-.” And then he starts crying and isn’t able to stop fast enough.

“You’re coming over in an hour, you hear me? No excuses!” Elton says firmly and Taron gratefully agrees.

- 

An hour later he finds himself on the sofa next to his older friend. He’s wearing jeans and a shirt and managed to fix his hair after a shower. Taron tells him how much he misses Richard and how much he needs him back. He tells him about all their useless fights and that he wants to apologize.

"How is Richard coping with this?"

"Seems easy to him," T says and just takes a swig of his beer.

"Hm, what if I'm telling you that Richard reached a very low point about a week ago when I called him to chat a bit?" Elton asks and watches Taron's reaction closely.

T shrugs his shoulders. "Happens to the best."

"And how about him calling me every day since then so we can talk for a bit and I can get his mind off it?"

"Don't mess with me." Taron whimpers a bit pitifully and takes another gulp. Suddenly Elton's phone rings and looking down he recognizes Richard's number.

Elton takes the call and puts it on the speaker. "Richard, how are you doing?"

"Eh, I'm alright, I guess," Richard says.

Taron freezes on the sofa hearing his tired voice. Richard sounds overworked and like he'd cried for a while. Damn, Elton was right.

"Did you text Taron yet like you wanted to?"

"No, I-I don't know how to start. I mean I left and I don't wanna come and crawl back to him, you know? He'll think I'm pathetic." Richard sits down on his bed and stares down at the floor. "Did-Did you hear anything of him?"

"Let's say he's fighting just like you," Elton says and watches Taron who is listening closely. "You don't know how to start you say... Well, what would you tell him?"

"That I'm so sorry for loading the stress I had from work and fighting on him. And for being such an asshole sometimes." Richard swallows and thinks for a moment. "Probably that I miss him because I really do. I miss us, you know? I always felt better with him by my side."

Taron tucks his legs up and leans forward on the sofa a bit.

"And that I love him and I'm not ready to give up on us." he takes a deep breath and feels the tears in his eyes burning again. "I would tell him he's right about me running away when things get tough and that I'm beyond sorry about it." his voice cracks and Taron shivers at that sound. "Because it really is fucking pathetic." Taron shakes his head and presses his hand in front of his mouth when Richard starts to cry. Richard breathes in shaking and bites back a sob. A strangled sound that doesn't go unnoticed by Taron and only makes the tears fall down his cheeks faster. "I don't know what to do anymore, mate."

"Richard, I think you just made a very important step," Elton assures him and looks at Taron who's crying silently now.

"What d-do you mean?" Rich asks in a thin voice and sniffs.

"Well, Taron what would you say if you got that message?" he asks and looks at the younger man next to him on the couch.

Taron swallows hard. "I would say I've been a bastard too and I overreacted." he hiccups.

"Oh my fucking god you didn't." Rich gasps and rubs a tired hand down his five o'clock shadow.

"And that I miss us too. I would tell him how much I love him and how much I need him back by my side." Taron presses out and his voice is soft and shaking. "And that it's not dumb to step away when things get too rough," he says and buries his face in his hand. All he can hear is Richard crying on the other line.

Elton takes over the situation. "I think you two should meet up. Richard, can you come over?"

Richard steadies his breath. "Yeah. If Taron wants me to." he waits anxiously for Taron's response.

"I need you, Richie." is all he needs to hear to get up and get his car keys.

Taron sinks into Elton's arms and relaxes comforted in the arms of his older friend. "Thank you," he whispers.

Elton laughs softly and strokes over his head. "For you two, always."

 -

After a while, the doorbell rings and Taron wipes his cheeks clean. He sits up and waits anxiously as Elton walks into the hallway greeting Richard. Taron can hear the familiar Scottish accent and feels better immediately. David looks at Elton surprised as he steps in and sees Taron with red eyes.

"Reunion?" he asks and his husband just nods with a smile.

Richard steps in and sees Taron standing there, looking a bit lost. He presses his lips together and feels the tears coming back all over again as he walks over to him. Taron feels new tears rolling down his cheeks and walks over to Richard quickly. His boyfriend opens his arms and Taron falls into his embrace starting to sob.

Richard wraps his arms around him tightly and buries his face in his shoulder just as Taron does in his. He just wails into his shirt and suddenly the rest of the world doesn't matter anymore.

Taron feels all the shitty regret and guilt slowly falling off him, being here in Richard's arms. Breathing in the scent of his cologne and feeling his body close against his again.

Rich steps back a bit and looks up at the lights taking in a deep shuddering breath. He strokes over Taron's fluffy hair and presses a kiss into it. "I am so sorry, bubs." he presses out and holds him closer.

"I'm sorry too, love." Taron chokes out and looks up at him.

Richard's eyes wander over Taron's face. His eyes are red and puffy, he's sniffing and his lips are trembling. "Oh god I should have never left, I'm such an idiot. Should this ever happen again, please punch me."

Taron looks into the bright teary blue eyes in front of him and sees the tear stains on his cheeks. "I would never punch you." he giggles softly.

Richard cups his face and kisses him short but lovingly before pulling him close again. His fingers run across Taron's jaw and he takes in his sweet scent calming down. "I promise I won't be mean again."

"I promise I'll try not to overreact again," T says and hugs him tightly.

Richard cups his face again and wipes his cheeks clean with his thumbs. "I missed you." Taron just leans forward and kisses him softly showing him he misses him too. Elton and David sat down on the sofa in the meantime and watch the newfound love between their friends happily.

 -

Three days later Richard comes back home from set late in the evening. Taron waits for him with some food, candles, and some wine. Richard steps in and a soft smile falls onto his lips. "Hey, baby," he says and leans down to kiss him.

"Hey." T breathes out and pulls him into the kiss.

Rich grabs his hand and strokes over his knuckles. "I have something for you," he says and lays a small long box onto the table.

Taron raises his eyebrows and opens the box curiously. Inside there's a new pair of glasses and a little note. T takes out the note and sees it's Richard's handwriting.

'Since your old ones got destroyed when you wanted to help me, I decided to help you out with picking a new pair.'

"Aw love, this wasn't necessary."

"Yes, it was. They should have the right prescription." Richard says smiling. "I hope you like them."

"I love them," Taron says, takes them out, and puts them on.

Richard's smile gets soft seeing his blueish-green eyes getting brighter behind the glass. "They suit you perfectly." as soon as he says so he sees Taron blushing. He gets up and leans over the table to kiss him, needy for his touch.

"Let's eat and then cuddle in bed," Taron suggests and Richard nods happily.

 -

Richard sits down on their bed and waits for Taron who is getting ready in the bathroom. His boyfriend kneels down behind him and starts massaging his back languidly. "I missed this," Rich admits and moans softly.

Taron just giggles, he knows Richard needs this after a long day of filming. He plants a gentle peck on his cheek and wraps his arms around him from behind. "I missed you, Rich."

"I'm here now, love," Richard says and reaches back to fondle over his buzz cut. They lie down and Rich wraps his arms around Taron's waist pulling him close. He presses a smooch on the back of his neck before nestling his face there. "I love you, bubs."

"I love you too, angel eyes," Taron says with a soft smile and tangles his hand with Richards in front of his belly. He snuggles into Richard and enjoys having his boyfriend pressed against the back of his body.

 @taron-eggmcmuffin @multicoloredchicken @anxiety-at-the-classroom @primaba11erina @sarahegerton96 @maddertonmyheart @madderton-obsessed

[writingformadderton]

Don’t Be So Hard On Yourself

Ship: Madderton 

Word Count: 10184

Summary: Richard suffers from an eating disorder and tries to fight against it, but it overwhelmes him from time to time. When it happens he needs Taron around him, reassuring him and spending comfort. This time Richard struggles a lot with himself and his emotions. But then he remembers how Taron and he got together and the time he landed in hospital, realizing Taron would always be by his side

Additional Tags: trigger warning, eating disorder, angst, throwing up, restricting, over excercising, comfort, crying, kissing, cuddling, passing out, hospital, first kiss, love, fluff, soft

I really hope this is what you wished for my dear anon :) -Nati

PART 2

Taron is busy in the kitchen when Richard comes home. He’s prepared dinner tonight and tried his best not to burn anything. Usually, he was lucky to have Rich, who’s talented in the kitchen. But today, Richard had a long day on set and he thought it to be a nice gesture to cook for him.

What Taron doesn’t know is the feeling Richard gets when he steps inside and smells the heavy sauce for the noodles he made. He doesn’t know how Richard’s whole body protests and he feels himself getting a bit sick.

When Richard steps into the kitchen, he sees Taron working, completely concentrated, and looking absolutely adorable. He can’t hide a warm smile. “Hey, bub.” He greets him and lets his eyes wander over the strong back belonging to his boyfriend. T turns around and his shining blueish-green eyes meet his own. Rich comes closer and pulls him into a tight hug, burying his face in his shoulder, trying to blend out the smell of the food.

“You alright, darling?” T asks.

“Mm, just tired.” He mumbles and cuddles into him.

“Okay then,” Taron runs his fingers through his soft hair and massages the back of his head. “We’ll have a relaxed evening then. A movie maybe.”

“But not in the living room. I’m gonna fall asleep and then you’ll have to carry me upstairs.” Rich mumbles into his shoulder and wraps his arms tighter around him.

“And what’s the problem with that? It’s not like it’s never happened before.” Taron chuckles and places a light kiss into Richard’s curly hair.

“Mm you’re right.” Richard pulls back and kisses him softly. “T, I think you should stop cooking the noodles at a high temperature.” He says when he recognizes the boiling water spilling out of the pot.

Taron lets go of him quickly and turns around, swearing. “Fuck!” he turns the fire down and pulls the pot away from the hot stove plate. “No, now they’re completely overcooked.” He whines and rubs his face.

“Hey, its okay. They’ll still taste good, don’t worry.” Richard tries to calm him down a bit and rubs his back. 

Richard barely gets down the first plate and shakes his head furiously when Taron asks him if he wants some more. Taron sighs and nods. “See, I told you they wouldn’t taste good.”

“What? No! It’s delicious, love, really.” Rich assures him and leans back in his chair. “I’m just not that hungry.”

“Hmm, okay.” Taron mumbles and starts putting the plates away. Hearing that from Richard isn’t exactly something positive.

“Taron.” Rich tries and gets up.

“Mm?” T puts the plates in the dishwasher.

Richard wraps his arms around him and pulls him close. “I am serious, okay?”

T turns towards him and wraps his arms around his neck. “I know.” He says and smiles softly. He watches Richard carefully and tries to find out if he really just wasn’t hungry today. Or was he slipping back into his phase again? “Are you okay?”

“Yeah.” Rich says and kisses him gently. “Cuddle?”

T gives in and soon after, they are sitting on the sofa. Richard is sleeping deeply in Taron’s arms and is cuddled into the blanket. Taron plays with his curls and looks down at him, worried. He fears that Richard’s eating disorder will soon hit him again. After a while, Taron falls asleep in a very uncomfortable position. 

Richard wakes up and is surrounded by darkness. Only the light of the street lamp outside shines a sliver of light through the windows. Rich sits up and rubs his face tiredly. He gets up and puts his arms underneath Taron’s legs and torso, lifting him up. His boyfriend moans softly and leans his head against his chest. “Shh, keep sleeping.”

Upstairs, he lies him down and crawls under the blankets beside him. He closes his eyes and T wraps his arms around him lazily, burying his face in his neck.

The next morning, Richard leaves for work early and doesn’t eat anything for breakfast. Luckily, Taron isn’t awake by then so he doesn’t get to see that. Later on his lunch break, he spends the time in his trailer and doesn’t eat anything again. He feels himself getting hungry and his stomach is growling. But he keeps telling himself that he isn’t hungry. In the evening, he feels himself getting sick and calls Taron, lying to him that he has a night shoot and will stay on set.

Taron ends the call and frowns slightly. Rich came home every day, even when he would have night shoots. Something was clearly wrong. Did he make a mistake?

What Taron doesn’t know is how Richard curls up in bed exhausted in the evening. His arms wrap around his stomach and he moans a bit to himself until he drifts off to a miserable, light sleep at 4am.

But Taron stays awake as well, pacing in their bedroom and thinking about why Richard didn’t come home that night. He falls asleep on the armchair in their bedroom, around 5am.

Richard comes home at 8am that morning, fighting against the urge to eat something. He doesn’t feel like eating at all. Rich stumbles up the stairs and finds Taron on the armchair, curled up without a blanket. He walks over to him and fondles over his fluffy hair. “Morning, bub.”

Taron opens his eyes, confused, and smiles weakly when he sees Richard. “Hey, Rich.”

“Bed?” Rich asks and Taron nods, staring into each other’s tired eyes. 

Later that day, Richard barely eats during lunch. T watches him observantly and tries to ignore it. You are worrying too much and Rich is fine, he tells himself. But his worries only get worse when Richard decides to go out for a run and can’t sit still the whole day. It was typical for him during these phases to eat little to nothing, exercise more often than usual, and always moving around.

Taron sits on their bed, reading his newest script when Richard comes in. He looks up and smirks when he sees the wide smile on Richard’s face. “What is it?”

“Nothing. You look cute as hell.” Rich admits, grinning, and sits down on the edge of the bed next to him.

T just grins and lies his script aside. He wants to take his glasses off and put them aside, but Richard stops him. “I see.” Taron smirks softly. Rich always has been a sucker for him in glasses.

Rich leans forward and places a tiny kiss on Taron’s nose. “I love you.” He whispers.

“I love you too.” Taron says and blushes a bit. It was crazy how Richard could still make him blush with saying simple words.

“You’re still blushing because of that.” Richard giggles softly and shakes his head. He crawls into bed and T opens his legs so he can sit in between them.

T cups his face and pulls him down. “Mm, still stunned I’m yours.” He connects their lips in a tender kiss while his thumbs stroke over his boyfriend’s cheeks.

Rich pulls back and stares into the dreamy blueish-green eyes of his lover, that are shining full of joy. “Are you okay, bub?”

“Yeah.” Taron says and frowns slightly.

“You look caught up in your thoughts.” Rich explains his question.

“Oh-I’m” He stops himself and rubs his back nervously. “I was worried about you.”

Rich frowns and leans back, away from him. “Why?” He asks and watches him observantly.

“Listen, Rich. I don’t wanna sound overprotective or suspicious, okay?” He sighs and Richard nods. “You just started to act like you do during your phases. And I think that made me worry about you.” He is scared to say what he thinks. He doesn’t know how he would react to that.

Richard opens his mouth to say something, but ends up closing it again. He stares down at his hands and swallows hard. “I really can’t hide anything from ya.” He sighs and smiles weakly, playing with his hands.

“So I was right?” T asks slowly and watches his boyfriend carefully.

Richard nods weakly and looks up at him again. His deep blue eyes are brimmed with tears and shine sadly. “I’m sorry.”

“No, Richie.” T says softly and opens his arms. “Come here, angel eyes.” He pulls him into a strong hug and Rich curls up against him. “You don’t have to apologize for that.” He assures him and runs his fingers through his curls.

“I feel like I have to. Because I keep on dragging you down with me.” He presses out in a tiny voice.

“Oh love, it isn’t your fault. You’ll need some help to get through it, but you know it gets better again. I’ll be here.” T rubs his back comfortingly.

“But what if you don’t stay this time? What if I hurt you too much with my behavior?” Rich asks sniffling and grabs Taron’s shirt as if he needed to be held.

T looks down at him and grabs his hand that held his shirt. He interlocks their fingers and fondles his knuckles. “Did I ever leave you when you felt bad?” Rich shakes his head. “Exactly. Never did and I won’t. I knew about it when we got together, love. I won’t change suddenly.” Taron leans his head against the headboard and holds him close.

“Promise?”

“I promise.” Taron says and squeezes his hand.

Richard sits up a bit and gives him a quick, soft kiss. He cuddles into him again and closes his eyes, enjoying Taron’s safe embrace. “I have to be away for week, love. Work on set.”

Taron massages the back of his head and nods slowly. “Okay.”

This week, Richard finds himself changing between his scenes and pacing his trailer. He’s at the point now where it’s become sickening to eat something and not wanting to risk a stomachache. He can’t sit still at all, and exercises more than normal in a day. During his normal calls with T, he paces around his trailer and tries to fight the urge to just pack all his things and drive home.

In the beginning of the week, a costar made some cookies and brought him some. He tried one to be polite and told her they were delicious, which led them to talking a bit while she gave him more. Afterwards, Richard suffered a stomachache because the cookies were the first things he’s eaten in a while. Once he threw up from that, he vowed to not eat for the time being.

Taron is pacing in the living room and waits for Richard to come home. Being away for a week in that phase he knew that Rich struggled immensely. Taron falls down into the armchair and sighs a bit. How was he supposed to help him out this time? He hears the keys in the front door turning and gets up slowly to walk into the entry hall.

Richard comes in and slides off his shoes, bracing himself on the wall. He doesn’t feel good and he wouldn’t be able hide it from Taron at all. “Taron?” He asks in a shaking voice when he feels the dizziness hit him. Shit.

Taron steps towards him, worried. “I’m here, Rich.” He sees the pale face of his boyfriend and his shaking body and knows he’s right. “Are you okay?” He asks and lies his hand on Richard’s back.

Richard turns towards him and shakes his head slowly. “I don’t feel good at all.” He admits weakly and rubs his face.

“You haven’t eaten anything in a week now, am I right?” Taron asks lowly. Richard nods and looks down at the floor. T grabs his hand. “Let’s get you in the living room and we’ll see what we can do, huh?”

Richard follows him slowly and feels the dizziness hitting him more. “T—I” He closes his eyes and growls lowly. “I need to sit down, I’m fucking dizzy.”

Taron watches him and sees how extremely pale he gets. “Just a few more steps and you can sit down on the sofa.” He encourages him but Rich shakes his head and his hand reaches out for the wall behind him.

He sinks down on the floor and tucks his legs up, wrapping his arms around his stomach and burying his head in his knees. He hears Taron leave the room quickly and moans at the stinging pain in his stomach.

Taron comes back with a glass of water and a washcloth. He sits down behind Richard and pulls him back a bit. “Look up at the ceiling, it’ll help you with the dizziness.” Rich rests his head on Taron’s shoulder and looks up, trying to make the black dots in his vision disappear. T pulls his hands away from his stomach and puts the cold washcloth on his wrists. “Want some water?” He holds up the glass and Richard takes a few swallows of it, leaning forward to not spill it on himself.

Richard leans back again and groans loudly when Taron starts rubbing his hurting belly. T tells him to take deep breaths and tries to do as he says. When he can't find a fitting rhythm, Taron starts breathing deeply behind him and tells him to follow his breathing. He feels himself getting hot as his body starts fighting against the few swallows of water he took. He doubles over in pain and contorts his face. "You need to get to bed, love," Taron says and rubs his back smoothly. "I'm gonna help you up, alright?" 

Richard agrees and gets up, groaning with Taron’s help. T braces him and walks up the stairs with him slowly. But the dizziness comes back and Rich sinks down on the stairs at the half. "T, I can't-." he buries his face in his hands moaning and closes his eyes.

Taron stands a few steps beneath him and carefully strokes over his hair. "I'm gonna carry you," he offers and leans down a bit. Rich wraps his arms around his neck and Taron lifts him up. He lets him down on their bed and opens Richard’s belt to remove the jeans. After helping him into some sweatpants and changing his sweater to a wide comfortable shirt, he gets a glass of water from the bathroom. 

Richard lies curled up on the bed and moans into the pillow, trying to get a clear vision again. He feels Taron sitting down next to him and carefully fondle over his head. "I'm so dizzy," he whines and buries his face in the pillow. 

Taron strokes through his slightly sweaty curls. "Close your eyes and breathe deep," he tells him and wipes over the back of his neck with the cold washcloth. His temples and wrists, his face and back to his neck. "You want some water?"

Richard sits up slowly and takes the glass of water. He barely gets down the liquid and retches after the first gulp.

"Easy, love. Drink slowly, your body needs it." T guides him through the next two gulps that are accompanied by coughing. "Well done," he encourages him softly and rubs his back while putting the glass back on the bedside table. "I think you could use some proper sleep." 

"Mm, couldn't sleep very well without you." Rich sighs and lies down again. Taron lies down next to him. "Oh I know, darling." he carefully wraps his arm around him and

Richard buries his face in his shoulder. "Try to sleep a bit." 

"Mm. You smell good." Rich mumbles taking in Taron’s sweet scent. It's the first thing he smells in days that doesn't make his stomach turn upside down. He wraps his arm around him and cuddles into him. 

"Dork," T says, smirking, and holds him tight. He knows if Rich would have been alone while his body broke down like before, he would still be sitting on the floor in the living room. His boyfriend wasn't able to do anything on his own during such a moment. He watches him drifting off and tries to comfort him with his embrace. 

When he wakes up again he feels a bit better, not that tired anymore. He looks up at Taron, who sleeps peacefully and smiles softly. His golden boy could really fall asleep every time they laid down together. He presses a light kiss on his forehead and strokes over his cheek.

"I'm not sure if that's a good idea." Rich admits, sighing and looks ashamed. 

"Just a little bit, love. Your body needs to get its strength back from somewhere, you know." Taron sits down next to him with a plate with some salt crackers. He strokes over his cheek and smiles softly. "We'll have to get you back to eating a bit of light stuff at first." 

Rich gives in and eats some of them while drinking a glass of water in between the bites. It isn't much that he eats, but he stops soon knowing it would get too much. 

Taron fondles over his hair lovingly and puts the plate aside. "I'm gonna be in the bathroom for a quick second," he says and gets up. Richard lies down and pulls the blanket up to his chin turning on his side. He watches Taron taking out his contact lenses and washing his face quickly. T grabs his glasses and puts them on, turning the light in the bathroom out. "Aww look at you, wrapped up in the blankets." The Welsh giggles softly and walks to his side of the bed. He slips under the covers, puts his glasses aside and wraps his arm around Richard from behind. "You're feeling better?" he asks quietly and turns off the light. He places soft kisses on Richard’s neck and the back of his shoulders.

"A bit, yeah," Rich mumbles into his pillow and feels himself already drifting back to sleep. His body really was exhausted and begging for sleep since he came home.

That night, Richard wakes up feeling really sick, sharp pain shooting through his stomach. He sits up and moans a bit. Wrapping his arms around his stomach, he bites his lip and tries to remain silent. Waking up Taron is the last thing he wanted to do now at this hour.

But Taron, who is a light sleeper, already awoke when he sat up. "You're alright?"

"Been better," he admits tiredly. 

Taron rolls over and turns on the bedside lamp. He reaches out for his glasses and puts them on after rubbing his eyes. Sitting up, he comes closer to his boyfriend. "What's wrong? Feeling sick?"

"Mm, extremely," he answers and looks at him smiling weakly. 

"The first time eating something is always hard, huh?" T mumbles and Rich nods. They had been here way too often before so it wasn't a surprise for both of them. Richard moans suddenly and bends forward, retching. "Bathroom?" His boyfriend nods and T accompanies him, seeing how pale he got the last few seconds.

As soon as they're in, Richard breaks down and groans in pain while leaning over the toilet. He can feel Taron crouching down behind him and takes a deep breath trying to fight the nausea. He doesn't want to throw up because that would be a step back again. But keeping it in seemed impossible. Taron rubs his face tiredly and gets up again to fill Richard’s glass with fresh water. Stroking over his boyfriend’s shoulder, he leans down to him. "You want some wa-." But Richard gets even paler than before and bends forward, coughing in pain.

"No, no, no," he whines frustrated and tries to hold it back. Come on, don't do that to yourself again.

"Shh, calm down," T says softly and massages the back of his neck. He can easily tell how much Rich fights against his own body and the urge to throw up. But then he gives up and starts letting it all out. Taron rubs his back soothingly and tries to give him the assurance that he's there at least.

When he's done, he rests his head on his arm at the toilet seat weakly and tries to breathe normally again. He looks up with tears in his eyes and meets Taron’s warm green eyes. "I'm sorry, I - I didn't want to-." his voice is shaking heavily. 

Taron hands him the glass of water and let him take a swallow. "I know, love." he assures him and flushes the toilet. He sees a tear escaping Richard's deep blue eyes and wipes it away gently. "Oh come here." he whispers when he sees how much Rich fights with himself to not break down emotionally. Richard leans forward and cuddles himself into Taron’s arms. He hated it. Every single time it hit him and he gave in, too weak to handle it without Taron’s support. He felt like a pathetic mess and in moments like this he wonders what makes T stay with him. He remembers being alone with that before he got together with Taron. Nights like this he spent on the bathroom floor too weak to get up on his own again. Back in bed, safe in Taron’s arms, he watches him adoringly.

"What are you thinking about?" Taron asks smiling softly at him. 

"I just remembered our first kiss was during one of those phases," he admits and blushes a bit. 

"Mm, never had a problem with you struggling. It's human, love," T says and presses a kiss on his forehead. Richard sinks down on the bathroom floor as the dizziness gets too much. He buries his face in his hands. "Fuck." He had to lie down and give his body time to relax. But as soon as he tries to get up, he feels like throwing up because of the intensity of the dizziness. 

He needed help, it wasn't the first time he realized it. Usually no one was around him that he could ask for help from. But this time he was in a hotel room and his best mate Taron was in the room next to him. T was the only person he told about his eating disorder, next to his family. And so he grabs his phone and dials his number. 

”Richard? You're alright? It's 2am," Taron says but he doesn't sound sleepy at all.

"T, I'm sorry to disturb you this late at night. But I-." he rubs his face groaning and shakes his head. Why did he pull Taron into this now? 

"You need help with something?" T asks and gets up. Was Richard fighting with his eating disorder? Rich just hums a yes. "Give me a second." Taron ends the call and walks over to the door that connects their rooms. He opens it and steps into Richard’s hotel room. Frowning, he looks around until he sees the light in the bathroom.

Taron steps inside and sees Richard on the floor, pale and leaning against the wall. "Hey, mate. What's going on?" he asks worried and crouches down in front of him. 

"I'm sorry, I got extremely dizzy and can't get up anymore," Rich explains and chuckles weakly. 

"Part of your struggles, Rich?" he asks softly and grabs his hand hesitantly. He doesn't know what comforts him, but him holding his hand doesn't seem to disturb Rich. 

"Yeah. I wanted to go to bed, but yeah-you see it didn't work," Richard tries to focus on Taron’s blueish-green eyes, that somehow make him feel safe. His glasses that he wore whenever they had no where to go made his eyes shine brighter than usual. 

"Okay. You wanna stay here a bit and see if it gets better so I can help you into bed?" he asks and Rich nods slowly. "Okay." Taron sits down next to him and leans against the wall as well. He grabs his hand again and squeezes it gently. "Close your eyes." 

Richard looks at him confused for a moment but does as he says. 

"Now take deep, steady breaths. Try to relax and focus on your breathing." Taron looks at him and sees how Richard follows his orders. "Good." They remain silent for a while. "Think of something peaceful that makes you feel safe." Richard feels himself getting calm listening to Taron’s voice and the breathing helps fight against the dizziness. Not seeing anything made the other senses work better. The softness in Taron’s voice, their hands interlocked, their legs slightly touching. It feels good, better than usual. He tilts sideways and rests his head on Taron’s shoulder. 

"Usually this helps me with calming down before premieres or press stuff," he says chuckling and leans his head against Richard’s. After a while he looks down at him. "Feeling better?"

"If saying yes means I have to stay alone tonight-then no," Richard says and waits anxiously for Taron’s answer. 

T giggles softly and squeezes his hand. "I can stay." 

The Scott opens his eyes and looks up at Taron, who thinks it's the most beautiful blue he's ever seen. "Would you?" 

"Yeah." he shrugs his shoulders and looks at him smiling. "I don't have to be here when you're bad and leave as soon as you're okay. Would be a weird thing to do." 

"Mm, it would," Rich admits chuckling.

"Okay then, let's get you to bed." Taron gets up and helps Richard up. His Scottish mate stumbles slightly and he braces him watching him observantly. "You're able to do it now?" 

Richard nods quickly, not wanting to look like he's causing a scene. They walk over to the bed and Taron lets him sit down. He opens his belt and helps him out of his jeans, just like when they were drunk after a long night out. But this time they are sober. T hops onto the bed and grabs the blanket, covering them both with it. 

Taron rests his face on his hand and watches him observantly. They are a few inches away from each other, staring into each other's eyes and tangling their feet as they always did. "How often does this happen? These phases of feeling bad and eating nothing?" he asks low-voiced. 

"It depends. Sometimes it happens because of an upcoming scene, an event or so. But often it just happens." Rich sighs a bit and shrugs his shoulders. 

"Why is it now?" Taron asks calmly and Richard just shrugs. "Is it because of the scene we're gonna shoot in a week?" Take me to the pilot was the next scene they would have to shoot. Was Richard unsure about it? 

Richard watches him stunned. He didn't expect him to put it into words that directly. Did Taron really see through him that easily? "Mm." he just hums and bites his lower lip. 

"Richie, there's no need to hurt yourself that way. It's just me. I won't judge you for anything," he says and watches him seriously. 

"I know. It's just-When I start I can't stop it until my body breaks down," he explains weakly. "And not even that always brings me back to normal." 

"So you need help from someone, who reminds you to eat something," Taron asks. "I could do that." 

"How would you check on if I really ate something or just pretended too?" Rich asks and smiles at him weakly. "That's difficult when you're not there in person." 

"Well, you promised me you’d always be honest with me," he says and sees how Rich contorts his face a bit. "I see, doesn't count for that." he rolls on his back and stares up at the ceiling. 

"I want to be honest. And I always tell you if I'm feeling bad, just like today," he explains and Taron turns his head sideways to face him. "But in those moments my mind isn't working clearly. And telling you I ate something when I didn't is my need to protect you from it."

"You don't need to protect me from yourself, Rich. I wanna be here for you." Taron rolls back onto his side and carefully grabs his hand. "I'm your best friend and I wanna understand what's going on in your head so I can support you. And if finally moving in together, like we said before when we were drunk, helps, then let's do it." Taron fondles over his cheek and gets lost in Richard’s deep blue eyes. God, he loved his best mate more than he should. "I know you always feel like you have to protect me. But let me protect you for once." 

Richard pushes the glasses back up, that moved down a bit when T turned to his side. "I don't think you realize what it’s like to be around me 24 hours a day. It's exhausting and I mess everything up and lets not start about the way I look." 

The helplessness in Richard’s voice hits Taron hard. "I can't even cook without burning something, my laundry looks like a new clothes collection for dolls and I am clumsy as hell. And you think you're the only one that would mess things up?" They both chuckle a bit. "Richard, you are perfect. You just need someone to show you." 

The Scott bites his lip and feels tears burning in his eyes. "Why should someone see that in me and show me if it's not there?" 

"Let me tell you a few things about yourself. You have the most amazing and calming blue eyes I have ever seen, not gonna lie." T starts fondling over his head. "Beautiful dark curls with your adorable grey streak in it. Those full lips so many people would love to kiss." he strokes his thumb over his lips and their softness is unreal. "You have the most amazing personality, being strong and open in public, but as soon as it's only us you get adorably shy, caring and calm." He gets closer a bit and looks deeply into his eyes, wanting Richard to see how serious he is. "If you need help or someone to take care of you, just tell me. You're not a burden to me and I love you." 

"I love you too." he says with tears in his eyes. If T only knew how much he loved him. 

"No, I mean like. I really love you." Taron admits quietly and blushes a bit. Maybe he had gone too far. But Richard looks at him with trembling lips and a tear rolls down his cheeks. "Can I show you how much?" he asks timidly and Rich nods. Taron moves closer and looks deep into his eyes before closing his own and kissing him softly. It isn't something new after working on several Rocketman scenes already. But it feels differently without cameras.

Taron pulls back and looks at him with a shy smile. Rich swallows hard. "I love you too," he just says and leans his forehead against Taron’s, trying to get the control over his feelings back. 

"Taron, I'm broken. I don't wanna destroy you with that." 

"Everyone is broken, some just more than others. And that's okay." Taron carefully pulls him closer and Richard cuddles into him. "Let me be here for YOU. Please, Richie." 

Richard looks up to him and a tear escapes his eyes. "You're perfect." he whispers, smiling. 

"No, you are," T whispers back and gives him a gentle soft kiss on his full lips.

The next morning, Taron wakes up early and slides out of bed quietly not wanting to wake Richard up. Downstairs, he sits down on an armchair in their living room and studies his script. 

Half an hour later, he hears Richard walking down the stairs and looks up. He frowns shortly when he sees Richard wearing a thick sweater with he hood on his head. But then he realizes what's going on. When his body got too exhausted he started to feel cold. "Morning, love." 

"Morning, bub," he says and smiles a bit. "Can I close the window, it's really cold?" 

"Sure," T watches him do it and lies his script aside. "How are you feeling?" 

"Exhausted and cold," Richard admits and walks back to him. T pats on his lap and Rich sits down, curling up and cuddling into him. 

Taron grabs a big blanket and wraps him up in it. His hands rub over his back and arms to warm him up. "Yeah, your body is a bit weak now." he presses a soft kiss in his curls. "But we're gonna get you back to normal." they remain silent for a while until Taron feels Richard to start shaking in his arms. "You're alright?" 

"I'm such an idiot," he says and sniffs. 

"Huh? Love, you're not an idiot," Taron says and looks down at him worried. What was going on now? 

Rich sits up straight in his arms and runs his fingers through his hair. "Yes I am. I mean I recognize the changes whenever I'm slipping back into it but I never do something about it until I break down in your arms again." He looks at Taron, frustrated, and tears make their way down his cheeks. "I can't do this anymore. I hurt you over and over again with it. You're the best thing that ever happened to me and I'm too stupid to take care of you."  

"Can't do what anymore?" he asks low-voiced and fear creeping up in him. 

Richard buries his face in his hands and breathes shakily. "I can't let myself hurt you again. I-." he softly fondles over his cheek and shakes his head slightly. "You deserve so much better." 

"Are you trying to break up with me?" Taron asks with a shaking voice and his eyes fill with tears rapidly. He wouldn't do that right?

"No-. Yes." Rich groans and gets up. 

"No or yes, Richard?" he gets up as well and feels his heart racing in his chest. Did he do something wrong? 

"I don't know," Richard chokes out and looks away from him. 

Taron feels the tears running down his face quickly and sits down heavily. "Are you serious right now?" Richard breaks down on the sofa sobbing violently. The sound breaks Taron’s heart and he can't fight the urge to sit down next to him. "Baby, what's going on in your head?" he asks and strokes over his soft curls. 

Richard just leans against him and sobs into his chest. "I'm sorry, T. I don't know what I was thinking. I'm just so sick of this shit." 

"I know, Rich." Taron wraps him into a tight embrace and rubs his back. "I'm scared of it." He holds onto Taron tightly. "Please don't leave me." 

Taron tries to stop himself from crying and presses a kiss in his hair. "I won't," he presses out weakly. "I promise, I won't." But suddenly he can't hide it anymore and he starts sobbing. Taron quickly presses one hand in front of his mouth to hold it back. 

Richard sits up and looks at him with big blue eyes full of guilt. "I'm sorry, bub," he presses out and softly removes Taron’s hand from his mouth. The sobs of his boyfriend hurt him immensely. 

"Di-did you really th-think about breaking up wi-with me?" he asks through his sobs and wraps his arms around himself feeling cold and lonely. "Did I do something wrong or-?" his feelings overwhelm him and he looks down on his knees. 

Richard cups his face and stares into the sad eyes of T. "You didn't do anything wrong. I'm messed up at the moment and can't think straight. It's my fault, love," he explains through tears and pulls Taron on his lap. He wraps his arms around his upset lover and holds him tight. He strokes over his fluffy hair and places kisses in it. "I am so sorry, Taron." 

"Don't you dare scare me like that ever again." he whispers and smiles at him sadly. Richard shakes his head and T kisses away his tears. Richard's full lips travel over his cheeks, kissing his tears away. 

After a while, Taron gets up to get some tissues for their running noses. When he comes back and sees Richard standing there with his red puffy eyes and tear streaks all over his cheeks, he bites his lip and shakes his head slightly. Sometimes he just couldn't believe that this man, beautiful even when he felt messed up like now, had this immense struggles with his looks. He wraps his arms around his neck and pulls him closer, standing on his toes. 

Richard looks into the blueish green eyes of his boyfriend right in front of him and places his hands on his waist. He really didn't deserve having such a sweetheart by his side and loving him, but somehow Taron was still here. They sink into a short but needed kiss and then pull each other in a tight hug. 

"You want something to eat?" Richard just whines a bit. "I know it's not easy," Taron pulls back, playing with the hair on the back of Richard's neck. "But you need to start with tiny steps." 

"I know," he sighs. 

And so they sit down at the table together and Richard eats some of the light salt crackers T gave him yesterday. 

A bit later, he gets a terrible stomachache because of it and hides in Taron’s arms. Taron comforts him with gentle touches and talking to him and after a while he falls asleep, knowing this is the only way to ignore the urge to throw up and get it out. 

Waking up later, he feels better and sees that he's still nestled in Taron’s tight embrace. T is stroking through his hair softly and has one hand on his stomach rubbing it softly. Now he knows why he slept so well and safe. "Oh baby, you could have done something else in the mean time." 

"Don't be ridiculous, I'm not going anywhere," T says and leans back a bit more into the pillow behind him. He looks down at Richard, who sits up and rubs his face tiredly. "How are you feeling?" 

"I'm feeling alright for the moment," Richard says and sits between Taron’s legs leaning against him. "Just cold." 

T grabs their blanket and wraps it around them. "That's better already, love. You want some more for dinner today?" Richard nods and gets a soft kiss of T for it. "Tiny steps until you're better. If I'm too fast just tell me."

Richard leans back a bit and looks up to him. "You're doing great, love. Trust me." he watches him adoringly and grabs his hands in front of his chest. Taron’s hands feel warm compared to his own and he can tell T feels it too as he starts stroking his thumbs over his knuckles. "I wouldn't want anyone else by my side." Taron looks down at him smiling softly. "You saved my life, T. Remember when I ended up in hospital?"

Taron's phone rings somewhere in the depths of his bag. Recognizing Richard's special tone confuses him. Rich knew he would be on a plane in 30 minutes. He excuses himself from his assistant and searches for it. When he finally finds it he takes the call quickly. "Love, I'm on a flight soon. What's going on?" 

"Taron, it's Dex." 

Taron’s eyes widen in shock. "Dex, what happened? Is he alright?" His heart starts beating fast. He hasn't seen Rich in almost two weeks, being too caught up in their work. 

"Rich broke down a few minutes ago. He said he feels dizzy and then he already sat on the floor." Dexter takes a deep breath. "He refuses to tell me what's wrong and wants to talk to you. What's going on, T?" 

"I'm sorry Dex, Rich asked me to keep it to myself. Can I talk to him, please?" He bites his lip and gets an irritated look from his assistant, who's tapping her finger on her watch. 

"Alright. Fifteen minutes until the press conference. Rich? It's Taron." 

"Hey, love. Are you alright?" T asks softly and walks a few steps aside. He needs to get away from his assistant, who would know to whom he's talking to. 

"T, I feel fucking sick. I can't do this press conference now, I can't," Rich says weakly and rubs his face tiredly. I'm sorry I-." he stops himself from talking when one of the staff hands him a bottle of water. "Thank you," he says smiling. "T, I can't even drink something without throwing up!" he mumbles into the phone quietly.

"Listen, you don't have to do it if you're not able to. Dex will understand." Taron looks down at his watch nervously. He decides to walk further away, knowing he needs to be with Rich now and missing the flight was his only option. "Did you eat anything these last two weeks?" 

"I did. But it got less with every meal. And I pushed it too far again," he sighs and braces his head on his free hand weakly. 

"Okay, we're gonna fix it together, alright?" Taron hears the last call for his flight and starts walking further away. 

"How long will you be away?" Richard asks and bites his lower lip. Please not so long. 

"A month," Taron says and shakes his head. He couldn't do that now.

"Oh." it sounds broken and full of fear. "Well I suppose this was the last call for your flight, bub." 

"It was indeed. I don't really care about that. I'm driving back home with a cab, get the car and pick you up. Cuddles and some light food for you this evening. Do we have a deal?" he asks smiling and looks out of the window. 

"Deal," Richard says smiling softly. God, his boyfriend was the absolute best. 

"See ya. I love you, Richie."

"I love you too, bub." Richard ends the call and pours some of the water in his open hand. He puts some onto his neck, his wrists and his temples hoping to ease the dizziness. Dexter comes inside their room again and looks at him worried. Rich just chuckles and pushes himself up carefully, stumbling to a seat. He sinks down onto it and takes a deep breath. "How long will the conference be?" 

"Richard, no." 

"How long Dex?" Rich asks firmly and looks up at him. 

"Half an hour. But Richard you can't do this today. Look at you, mate! You're bloody pale, fighting against passing out with every step you take." Dexter sits down opposite from him. "T will kill me." 

"Listen Dex, this is something I have all the time and I can't stop doing my work when it hits too hard." Richard plays with his hands and looks up to Dex again. He knows he will keep that to himself. "I'm suffering from a eating disorder, Taron knows." 

"Oh shit, Rich since when?" 

"A few years. Taron and I got closer one night when he helped me through a rough evening. I'm holding it back most of the time but it overwhelms me from time to time." Rich stares at the bottle of water in front of him. He knows he needs to drink something but he doesn't want to throw up again. 

"Is there a way I can help you with it? Something you need, mate?" 

"Can you give me five minutes? Then I'm ready for the press." Rich asks and Dexter nods. As soon as he's outside Richard opens his belt and button giving himself more space to breathe. He takes his bottle of water and takes a tiny gulp. He starts coughing and a hard pain shoots through his stomach. "Ugh - Fuck." he bends forward in pain and tries to breathe. Something was clearly wrong, he never felt such a pain before.

After a while which he spends bent forward moaning into his knees he hears Dex knocking on his door. "Richard, mate, you're ready?" 

Rich moans and sits up straight. Oh my god. "Yeah, just a second." he says and tries not to sound like he's in pain. He gets up and growls. "Bloody hell." He takes a deep breath and forces a smile on his face.

"You look like shit." 

"Well thank you Dex. I feel like it," Rich says and chuckles weakly. "Let's get this shit done." 

When Taron arrives, he first goes to Richard’s room and is confused when he can't find his boyfriend. He sees a bottle of water on the table and a package of painkillers on a table. "Oh no you didn't -!" T groans and packs it away into Richard’s bag. He steps outside and walks over to the next door in front of him. When he gets no response to his knocks he decides to carefully open it. As soon as he does he gets blinded by the lights of the cameras and people start shouting his name. He smiles and walks over to the seats, stopping behind Richard. Leaning down, he wraps his arms around him and presses a kiss on his temple. "Hey love. Never giving up huh?" 

"No. Even though it was a mistake," Rich admits laughing. 

"Did you take the painkillers?" he asks and chuckles. Rich and him could hide the seriousness of their talk easily, replacing their worries with happiness. 

"No, but I should have," he admits smiling brightly and kissing him softly onto his lips. 

Taron nods happily as if he said something sweet and sits down next to him. Ten minutes left. 

Dexter gives him a thankful look knowing Taron’s presence may take the focus off Richard a bit. Now that they could ask both of them questions, Rich could take little breaks between talking.

While answering the question, he sees that Richard has his hand pressed on his stomach underneath his shirt while his other hand is curled up into a fist and grabbing his shirt tightly. Richard was in massive pain and trying to hide it desperately. Covered by the table, he moves his hand over to his boyfriend and rubs his thigh comforting him. He grabs his hand that's curled up to a fist and interlocks their fingers. He squeezes his hand. I'm here. 

When the interviewers are done Dex wants to get up but Rich pulls him back. "I can't, Dex let them get out first." his friend nods understandingly and stays seated. 

Taron wraps his arm around him and leans towards his ear. "How are you feeling?" 

"Like absolute shit. Never had such a stomachache before." He bites his lip and tries to hold back a moan. T pulls him into a hug and covers his mouth with his body, knowing Rich was suffering. Rich moans into his shoulder and contorts his face in pain. "Thanks," he whispers and T just fondles over the back of his hair. Finally the last interviewer leaves the room and Richard rests his forehead on the table wrapping his arms around his stomach. 

Taron stands up and gets a bottle of water. "Love, you should drink a bit. Just a little bit, I promise." he rubs his back and Richard pushes himself up growling. T hands him the bottle, already opened, and strokes over his curls gently. Rich takes a sip and immediately starts coughing. He retches and spits it down on the floor coughing. Dex can barely catch the bottle that slips from his hand as he tries to breathe. Taron pats his back firmly and waits anxiously until Richard stops coughing.

"T? I can't see anything clearly," Rich says and bends forward, moaning. "Fuck," is all he gets out before he feels himself sinking against Taron on his side. 

"Careful, Rich. You're gonna fall from the chair," Taron says frowning and looks down at him worried. 

"I think he's gonna pass out," Dex says and watches Richard, worried. 

"Hey, Rich, can you look up at the ceiling for me?" But Richard just groans in pain and rolls his eyes. His body sinks against Taron fully as he goes unconscious and he slides down from the chair while T tries to secure him and lets him down carefully on the floor. "Fuck," Dex gets his phone and calls an ambulance while T tries to wake him up again.

A few days later, Taron knocks at the door and comes in when he gets no answer. Richard is curled up in the hospital bed and sleeps. He has the blanket wrapped tight around him and T smirks softly, knowing his boyfriend is cold as soon as he had to sleep on his own. He pulls a chair to the side of his bed and sits down after taking off his jacket. He presses a light kiss on his forehead and strokes back a single curl that's hanging in his face. 

Richard was in hospital for almost a week now. They had to get the needed substances for his body into him through an IV, making him eat and drink without having him throwing up a few minutes later. All of that process made Richard extremely tired and he needed the sleep. 

Taron watches him, caught up in his thoughts. His assistant made the appointments for the interviews and meetings with his new director all over the video call. Taron told her he had to stay here in London because of a family emergency and all of them agreed. It luckily worked out and now he had the opportunity to visit him every day. 

Richard wakes up, moaning softly, and opens his eyes slowly. A small smile appears on his lips and his blue eyes look at him, tired. "Hey," he whispers.

T fondles over his soft hair and smiles. "Hey, how are you feeling?" 

"I'm cold and tired," Rich admits and pulls the blanket closer to his shivering body. 

T smirks softly and nods. "I have some of my hoodies with me. You can have them if you want to," he grabs Richard’s hand and squeezes it gently. 

"Would be lovely," he says and smiles adoringly at his slightly younger boyfriend. Taron grabs his bag and takes a light grey sweater out. He helps Richard to sit up who rubs his face tiredly and helps him to put on the sweater. 

"Of course you're cold, you're only wearing a shirt." 

"Fuck, really?" Richard asks confused and looks down at himself. 

"Yes." Taron chuckles and watches him adoringly. 

Richard leans forward and braces his head on his hand. He stares at his blanket and shakes his head a bit. "What am I supposed to do?" 

Taron looks at him confused. "What do you mean?" 

"We'll I'm clearly doing my body no good. I always feel like I have it under control but then it hits me again." Richard sighs a bit and looks over to him. Searching for peace in Taron’s beautiful eyes. "We've been together for two years now and I'm doing so much better than before since you're around me most of the time. I only slip back into it when I'm alone and no one recognizes me eating less."

"I know, being alone brings it back." Taron gets up and walks over to the window looking outside and watches the clouds passing by. "It would be so easier if I wasn't an actor as well. I could accompany you and keep an eye on you." 

"T-." 

Taron turns back to him and leans against the window. "I was thinking about it for a while now. But seeing you during the last press conference opened my eyes once more again." 

"No, Taron. You won't stop doing your job that you love. No way!" Richard shakes his head furiously. "I'm gonna figure it out." he pats the mattress next to him.

"We."

"What?”

"We're gonna figure it out," T says and walks over to Richard who's smiling softly at him with little tired blue eyes. 

Rich looks up to him as he stands by his bedside and smirks. "Did I already tell you how gorgeous you look today?" Taron is wearing black jeans, a dark green shirt and a black jacket. His round glasses complete the look perfectly. 

"No you didn't. Thank you, angel eyes," Taron says and blushes. 

"You're so adorable sometimes. Blushing over a compliment." Rich squeaks and grabs him by the waist to pull him down on his lap. Taron giggles happily and leans against him while Richard connects their hands in front of Taron’s belly. He places a sweet kiss on the back of Taron’s neck. "Oh fuck, I miss being home with you." 

T smiles brightly and feels Richard kissing his neck lovingly. Suddenly, he starts biting him softly behind his ear. "Richard, behave," Taron giggles and smacks his hands playfully. But Rich just hums and sinks his teeth into his neck. Taron’s soft gasp encourages him to bite harder, making him moan softly. "Baby, come on." he growls and tries to hold himself back from attacking Richard with passionate kisses. Richard chuckles deeply next to his ear and rests his head on his shoulder. 

"How long will I have to stay here? I want my own bloody bed back," Rich growls, annoyed and buries his nose in Taron’s neck taking in his sweet scent. 

"I don't know, I'll ask Mary when she comes in at 5pm," Taron mumbles and leans back in his arms. 

"You call her Mary now?" Rich asks teasingly with a fake jealousy in his voice. 

"Chill out Madden. You know who I prefer having beside me for the rest of my life," Taron chuckles and rolls his eyes playfully.

"You're sure about that? Choosing me when you could have someone normal?" 

"You know I wouldn't get along with ‘normal.’” 

"But-." 

"Don't be ridiculous, Richard. I love you very much and yes, you struggle sometimes. Yes, it scares me sometimes and yes, sometimes I may be a bit distant after such a phase. But I love you so much and you are my boyfriend," Taron turns around in his lap and faces him now.

Richard looks at the blanket and bites his lip. Taron grabs his hands and squeezes them softly. "Look at me." 

The Scott looks up with tears in his eyes and presses his lips together. "I don't deserve you." 

"Oh shut it, Madden," Taron growls and shakes his head furiously. He wraps his arms around him and leans his forehead against Richard’s. "I love you, Richie," he says and gives him a soft kiss. 

"I love you too, bub," Rich says and sighs relieved. "I need something to drink." 

T looks around and spots the bottle at the bedside table. He leans towards it and opens it. "Here. Slow and easy." he hands him the bottle and watches Rich who takes a few sips without contorting his face or retching.

"I already feel like sleeping again," Richard admits and yawns. 

"Well, that's alright. Your body needs more sleep." Taron says and puts the bottle back at the table. He crawls behind Richard and sits up on his knees. Taron starts massaging his shoulders and his boyfriend moans in relief. The constant lying around started hurting Richard’s body as well. "Come on, lie down." 

Richard lies down and T turns him onto his stomach. Rich rests his head on his arms and moans softly when T starts massaging his shoulders, back and neck. He closes his eyes and relaxes under his touch, it doesn't take long until he is asleep. 

Taron gets down from the bed and searches for his script in his bag. Now he could use the time and study it for a bit. Rich whines in his sleep and forces himself to open his eyes again. "Don't leave me already," he pouts and looks at him with big blue eyes. "Please?" 

"I'm just taking my script out. I won't leave you so soon already, Richie," he chuckles and fondles over his cheek lovingly.

Richard grabs his hand and presses a tiny kiss on his knuckles. "Can you hold me for a bit?" 

T smirks softly and sits down next to him on the mattress. His boyfriend cuddles into him and rests his head on his chest. After a few minutes of T playing with his curls, Richard falls asleep again. Taron listens to his steady breathing and relaxes against the pillow. Rich would be okay again, they would do it together. 

After a while a nurse comes inside and smiles softly when she sees Taron studying his script while his boyfriend sleeps deep in his arms. "Good afternoon, Taron. Can I talk to you outside for a moment?"

T looks down at Rich and puts his script away. "Of course." he gets up carefully trying not to wake him up and slides from bed. Richard pulls the blanket closer around himself and opens his eyes tiredly. "Shh, keep sleeping. I'll be back in a minute," Taron says fondling over his head. 

Outside of the room Mary watches Taron observantly. "Listen, we checked him several times and there is no proper explanation for that immense pain that made him pass out. We only knew that his stomach was massively provoked by everything we tried to make him eat or drink in the beginning." She strokes back a curl that loosened out of her ponytail. "I know you're his boyfriend and of course you want to protect things he trusts you with. But what I have to know is if he struggles from an eating disorder because if he's pushing it that far, he needs help." 

"I know that he needs help, believe me. We're working on a way out at the moment." After a long talk about different things they could do against it Taron goes back into Richard’s room. He sits down next to him and plays with his grey streak, caught up in his thoughts. 

Richard wakes up and comes closer to him, searching for his warmth. "Is everything alright?" 

"Mary gave me some contacts for therapists, she is suspicious that you suffer from an eating disorder." Taron looks down at Richard who nods slowly. "We're gonna look at them closely tomorrow." 

"Tomorrow?" 

"You're coming home with me tomorrow," Taron says smiling and places a kiss on his forehead. 

Richard wraps his arms around him and cuddles deeply into him. "Can you stay here tonight? I don't think she'll kick you out if you're asleep with me." 

T chuckles softly and lies down next to him. "Alright." he kicks off his shoes and slides under the blanket. Soon they are deeply asleep, cuddled into each other's arms.

Taron presses his lips together and nods. "I remember." his voice is shaking and his lips are trembling a bit. It was the first time he couldn't handle his boyfriend’s eating disorder on his own. A tear escapes his eyes and drops down onto Richard’s cheek.

Rich reaches out for him and cups his face. "Oh, love." his voice has a softness in it, T hasn't heard in a while. "I'm here," he whispers and pushes himself up a bit while he pulls T down.

They share a short kiss, while Richard’s lips are upside down on Taron’s. "I guess it's time for another appointment at the therapist huh?" 

Taron looks down at him and nods slowly. After today's outburst he thinks it's needed. "That's a good idea."

Two weeks later, Taron gets home from work and takes off his jacket tiredly. "I'm home, love." 

Richard steps out of the living room with a big smile on his face. He walks towards Taron and wraps his arms around his waist lifting him up. 

T wraps his arms around his neck and his legs around his waist. "You're having a good day?"

Taron asks giggling happily and kisses him while getting carried into the kitchen. Richard sits him down at the kitchen table and nods. He grabs his neck and kisses him softly and lovingly. "I love you so much it's unreal." 

"Aw, stop it." Taron blushes and kisses him smiling. 

"I owe you my life. You made it worth living, bub," Richard says and smiles happily at him. "Every time I tried to push you away because I was scared, you stayed with me even more. I don't know what I did to deserve you, but I'll fight for you." Rich fondles over his cheek and looks at him with bright deep blue eyes. "I love you." 

"I love you too, angel eyes," T whispers choked up and blinks away the tears in his eyes. 

"Always so emotional," Rich says adoringly and presses a kiss on his lips. 

"You make me," T mumbles into the kiss and cups his face. 

"Thanks for never giving up on me," Richard whispers and smiles at him timidly. "I know I've been an asshole sometimes." 

"I would never give up on you," Taron whispers back. "Stop being so hard on yourself."

@onceuponadetectivedemigod @primaba11erina @guns-n-marvel @honkycrowley @dreamingwolfthings @sarahegerton96 @multicoloredchicken @anxiety-at-the-classroom

[writingformadderton]

Change of Heart💞

Ship: Madderton

Word Count: 4901

Summary: Taron and Richard spend a beautiful Christmas with their families. Watching Richard with his niece and his own sisters makes Taron's heart warm, making him long to have children with Richard. But the Scottish isn’t thrilled about the idea and Taron is more upset about it than he shows in the beginning. When the situation between the two gets harder, Richard decides to leave and spend a few days with his sister and niece. Will he have a change of heart coming back home?

Additional Tags: fluff, soft, angst, children, fight, Christmas, comfort, kisses

“Mum wants to know what our plans are for Christmas,” Rich asks one night in the middle of October over a bottle of wine and a plate of spaghetti. He pushes the food around on his plate and looks up at Taron, baby blue eyes meeting green. 

“We don’t have anything yet, do we?” Taron asks, his mouth full of garlic bread. Rich smiles. 

“No, not yet. Think we can get this place ready for the family to come for the holiday?” Rich asks, looking around at the mess. They’d finally taken the plunge recently to put down roots together. They’d been together for four years, gotten married the summer before last, but had continued to rent. Their projects had taken them from place to place, and it had seemed to make sense to just rent while they searched for the perfect place to really settle down. They’d found this beautiful home in London a few months ago, and both of them had decided that this was it. They’d made an offer and had just moved in three weeks prior. They hadn’t gotten around to unpacking, both of them too busy with work, and Richard had gotten to the point where he was afraid they’d be living out of boxes forever. 

“You want to host Christmas?” Taron asks, looking around at their cluttered home. 

“It could be fun, get everyone together, show off the new place.” Richard reaches out and takes Taron’s hand, squeezing gently. “I’m proud of us, I’m proud of what we’ve got here. I want to share it with them.” He seems sincere, and Taron’s heart fills with pride for the man he’s married. 

Taron squeezes Rich’s hand back. “You want to have Christmas, we’re having Christmas. Done.” Rich smiles and goes back to eating dinner.

--------

Two months later, it’s Christmas Eve and Rich is a nervous wreck. The house is spotless-when he’s nervous, he cleans, and he’s been anxious about this for two weeks-and ready for company. Taron’s mum and sisters had arrived the day prior, and the girls are playing upstairs in their guest room while Taron’s mum is bustling around the kitchen, helping Taron prepare the roast for the evening. Rich’s family is due to arrive any minute, and since Taron’s forbidden him from cleaning anything else- “For the love of God, Rich, if you clean the downstairs bathroom counter one more time, it’s going to bloody fall off!”-he’s set his sights on the Christmas tree. 

Part of the reason they’d bought this particular house was the grand high ceilings in the family room. When they’d toured the property with their realtor, they’d stared at the cathedral ceilings in wonder, and Taron had snaked his arm around Richard’s waist. “Imagine the Christmas tree we could cram in here,” he’d muttered, and Rich had agreed adamantly. Now they’d done it, secured a twelve-foot tree from a tree farm, and they’d spent ages decorating it. It was flawless, down to the last detail, but Rich still finds himself nervously rearranging bulbs, tweaking the lights, checking to make sure the base has enough water. Taron looks up from the kitchen counter and sees Richard, and he chuckles a little. 

Taron crosses the room and wraps his arms around his husband from behind, impulsively burying his face into Rich’s sweater. Rich jumps, startled, and turns around, Taron resuming his hold on him once he’s facing him. “Let me go,” Rich mutters, half-heartedly. 

“You, my love, need to calm down,” Taron says softly. “I know you’re nervous, but everything’s going to be just fine. Our families are going to get along wonderfully, and the house is beautiful, and you’re beautiful. It’s all going to be great.” Taron leans up and gives Richard a slow, soft kiss. Richard leans into him, allows Taron’s arm to tighten around him protectively, allows himself to enjoy it. Rich is taller, and bigger, and stronger than Taron, but he will always himself to be held by him. He feels safe, and when they pull away from each other, he feels calmer. Calm enough to go in the kitchen and help with the meal, and calm enough not to fidget with any more of the Christmas decorations. 

(He does sneak in one last cleaning of the bathroom counter, though.)  

-----

A few hours later, Richard’s family arrives: his mum and dad, one of his sisters, and his little niece. The next few days are spent in a flurry of activity, presents, good food and even better company. Taron’s right, of course, and everything goes smoothly. Their families get along, they always have. Their mums have become great friends, and Rich’s dad fits right in, as well. Taron’s delighted to see that his sisters and Rich’s niece are getting along, as well. They’re close in age, and they spend the next couple of days playing with each other’s toys, chasing each other in stockinged feet as they race around the house. The most surprising part of the holiday is just how smoothly everything goes. None of the food gets burned, no one gets into a fight, there is no drama whatsoever. It’s like a Christmas out of a book or a movie. 

Well, there is one other thing that catches Taron by surprise. He realizes it on December 26, the day before everyone is due to head back home. He’s sipping gently from a drink, something Rich’s dad has made. He has no idea what’s in it but it’s strong, and his head is just a little bit fuzzy. It warms him from the inside out, and as he watches Richard play with his niece on the floor in front of him, he realizes he’s spent precious little of the holiday with his husband, even though they’ve been in the same house. 

All weekend it’s been a blur of tiny voices yelling “Uncle Richie!” or “Rich, look at this!” or “Richard, come play with us!”. His sisters and Rich’s niece absolutely adore him, and he’s spent most of his time playing with their toys, reading them stories, making crafts with them. Taron’s always been an involved older brother, but Rich is next-level with the kids, devoting his time and attention to them. As a joke, Rich’s sister had bought he and his niece matching pajamas for Christmas, and they’re both decked out in them now: green dinosaur pajama onesies, complete with a hood and a tail. Taron watches as Rich places the last Lego on top of a giant tower, and chuckles at the steely glint in his niece’s eye. One well-aimed kick and the tower tumbles down, and Richard pretends to growl angrily at her before scooping her up into his arms and tickling her belly. Taron’s heart flutters, melts, as he watches. 

He feels the space on the couch next to him shift as Rich’s sister sits next to him, holding her own drink. He looks over and smiles at her, and she smiles back before they both turn and watch Rich. 

“They’re precious together, eh?” Rich’s sister asks, and Taron nods. 

“They really are.” 

“I love watching them together. She absolutely adores Richard. They don’t get to spend enough time together, it breaks my heart. But when they are together…” she gestures at the pair, who are now focused again on building up their tower of Legos. The intense concentration on Richard’s face is almost comical to Taron, if it wasn’t so adorable. 

“I’ve never seen this side of him,” Taron says softly and Rich’s sister smiles. 

“He’s a completely different person with her. Not that he’s not always lovely, but it’s just...different. Special.” They both take a sip of their drinks and then she says, quietly, “Have you guys ever thought of, you know. Having kids?”

Taron pauses for another moment. “We haven’t discussed it.”

“Sorry, am I being too nosey? Richard would kill me,” she says with a small smile and Taron smiles back. 

“Not nosey at all. It’s just...something we haven’t talked about yet. But seeing him with her...it’s something else, you know?” he says, and she nods in agreement.

---------

Taron’s family leaves earlier in the day, his mum crying as she kisses her son goodbye, his sisters clinging tightly to Taron and Richard both in turn. Richard’s mum, dad and sister set out later in the day, and before Taron knows it, it’s time for them to leave for the airport. 

They drive to the airport and say their goodbyes. Richard’s niece clings to him with ferocity, and what really tugs at Taron’s heart is that Rich is clinging just as tightly. 

“Come on, love,” Rich’s sister says softly, gently prying the little girl away from her uncle. She wails, and burrows into her mother reflexively. Richard rubs her back. 

“I’m gonna come see you so soon, okay? It’ll only be for a little while, us being apart,” Rich says soothingly. He hugs his sister and parents goodbye; they hug Taron and then they’re off. They watch them walk away and then head back to the car, Richard holding onto Taron’s hand tightly. Their ride home is quiet, punctuated only by Richard sniffling, every so often. 

When they get home, the house is quiet. It feels empty and lonely, and Taron can tell that Richard is feeling the same that he is. He looks at Richard’s face, and watches as it crumples. Taron pulls him in, tight to his chest, and wraps his arms around Rich. He rubs slow, small circles on Rich’s back, whispers soothing words into his ear. “S’okay, Richie. It’s gonna be okay. I know you’re sad, but we’ll go see them soon.” 

Rich sniffles and nods, his face buried into Taron’s shoulder. “I can’t help it, that little peanut just means so much to me. We always have the best time together. I’m always so sad when we have to leave each other.” 

Taron nods, and they stay like that for a while, the two of them holding each other, caught in a moment of emptiness.

---------

The next few weeks go by and everything returns to normal. Richard and Taron are busy with their respective projects, and they return to the every day hustle and bustle of their normal lives. In his free moments, however, Taron finds himself thinking about his conversation with Richard’s sister.  

He hadn’t been lying when he said the subject of children was something they hadn’t talked about. With their busy schedules and the wedding and moving into the house, they just hadn’t found the time to talk about it. It seems silly, now that Taron thinks of it, to ignore a subject as big as this one. In truth, he hasn’t given much thought to children on his own. But he can’t get the images of Richard with his niece and T’s sisters out of his mind, and he has done nothing all week but picture the two of them with their own child.

He pictures bath time and Christmas card photos and school plays. He sees the two of them reading stories, dressing up for Halloween, and baking cookies with their son or daughter. He sometimes looks at their spare bedrooms and imagines the two of them transforming one of them into a nursery, painting the walls, setting up a crib, putting together a rocking chair. It has become his own secret fantasy, one he hasn’t indulged his husband in yet, and he isn’t sure how to bring it up. He can’t imagine a world in which Richard doesn’t want a child with him, not after how he’d seen him on Christmas with his niece. 

-------

Which is why it comes as a shock when, a week later over a glass of wine, Richard says no, he’s never wanted children, when Taron brings it up to him. 

They are sitting on the sofa, and Taron has started a fire in the fireplace. The lights are low and everything is soft, and they’ve just had a lovely meal and Taron decides that tonight’s the night. He’s never been one to ruminate on things alone for long, and so he starts the fire, pours two glasses of red wine, and burrows deep next to his husband. “What do you think about...having kids?” Taron asks, and he stills when Rich nearly chokes on his wine. 

“Oh, God no,” Rich says, taking a long drink of wine. “I’ve never wanted children.” A beat of silence fills the room, and he glances down at Taron, who has wriggled away from being tucked beneath Richard’s arm. “Why do you...T, do you want children?” 

Taron’s face flushes a bright pink, and he looks everywhere but at Richard’s eyes. “Well...yeah, Rich, I kind of do.” 

Richard’s eyes widen to the size of saucers. “You’ve never said anything before.” 

“Well, I never even considered it before, but...what do you mean you don’t want children? I saw you with your niece and my sisters over the holidays, you’re brilliant, they love you and you love them. I thought…” Taron trails off, unable to think of anything else to say. 

“Well, yes, of course I love the kids, but...they go home, you know? I get to have fun with them and then my niece goes back to my sister and she gets to deal with the tantrums and the homework, and whatnot,” Richard says, taking another long drink of wine. 

“You’re so good with them, though,” Taron says, feeling lame, feeling like he’s been backed into a corner.

“I’m good with them, yes, but full time? Being responsible for an entire human life? I can’t handle that, T.”

Taron reaches over, grabs Rich’s hands with his own. “Oh, love. Yes, you can. If anyone can, it’s you. Actually, if anyone can, it’s us,” Taron says, giving Richard a confident smile. 

Richard scowls, just a touch. “Taron, you’re not listening to me, okay? Being a parent is more than matching pajamas and building a Lego city. It’s...it’s doctor’s appointments and discipline and making sure they eat their vegetables. It’s dealing with all of their problems and school calling when they misbehave. It’s making sure he or she turns into a good person, and I don’t think I can handle that responsibility. I don’t think I want that responsibility. With our work schedules, and our careers in general, plus just...I don’t know. I can’t.” 

RIchard finishes his speech and then chances a look at Taron’s face; he immediately regrets it. Taron’s face has crumpled. He looks devastated, and Richard reaches over and tries to kiss Taron, but T pulls away. He drops Rich’s hands and backs away on the couch, pushes himself to his feet. 

“I just...need a minute,” Taron says, and goes upstairs.

---------- 

‘A minute’ turns out to be three days. Taron avoids Richard for three days. He turns away from him in bed, showers and leaves the house by the time Rich gets up, and sits next to him on the couch in the evening and says almost nothing. 

Richard’s strategy is to leave him be, let him feel whatever he’s feeling. He’ll talk to Taron when Taron’s ready. But by the third evening of near-complete silence, he decides that it’s been long enough. 

They are watching TV, some obscure baking competition (Taron’s favorite, Rich’s way of trying to draw him out), and on the commercial, Richard punches the ‘mute’ button on the remote. He turns towards Taron, and God, he’s beautiful, even like this, he thinks. Taron’s face is impassive, and he can’t tell at all what he’s thinking. It scares him, just a bit, because he’s always been able to tell what’s going through his husband’s mind. 

“Taron,” Richard says softly, but Taron’s face remains stony, staring forwards. “Love.” 

Finally, Taron turns and looks at him, and there are tears shining in his blue-green eyes. A lump forms in Richard’s throat. “Oh, bubs,” he says quietly, and Taron swipes at his eyes hurriedly. “Please don’t be angry with me.” 

“I’m not angry!” Taron bursts out, and Richard nods quickly. “I’m not angry, Richie, I’m upset. I’m sad. I know I shouldn’t have, but I let myself get hopeful about this.” 

Rich takes a deep breath and waits for a minute. Taron is crying, just lightly, and Rich takes him in his arms. They stay like that for a short while, holding each other, pretending that this is just an ordinary night, an ordinary conversation. Richard presses a soft kiss on the top of Taron’s head before speaking.. “I’m sorry, T. I wish I wanted this like you do.” 

Taron wrestles away from him abruptly, saying nothing but extracting himself from Richard’s arms and going back to his separate side of the couch. Richard sighs. “I knew you were mad.” 

“If you can give me three good reasons why you don’t want to have a child with me, then I won’t be upset. Three reasons that don’t have to do with our careers and the responsibility, because schedules can be rearranged and we’re both adults and can handle the responsibility,” Taron says, an edge to his voice, his eyes hardening in a way that Richard has never seen. 

He pauses for a moment and then says, gently, “I don’t need three reasons why, T. ‘I don’t want to’ is reason enough.” 

Taron nods, and gets up from the couch. “I’m having a shower.” 

Richard watches him go, wishing he could say something, anything. He wishes he could tell Taron that he’s afraid, more than anything else. He doesn’t feel like he’d be a good father, he feels like he’d fail a child, and he wishes he could tell Taron that it has absolutely nothing to do with him or their relationship. Instead, he watches his husband leave the room, hears the bedroom door slam from across the house. He closes his eyes.

--------

The warm water is soothing as it pours down his shoulders and back, but it doesn’t change the reality of what’s happening in his personal life. He doesn’t know if the reason Rich doesn’t want to have kids because of a personal preference, or if it’s because of some failing in himself or their marriage. He wishes he could convey to Rich that he’ll love him no matter what, but this hurts, it really hurts, and he hadn’t realized how badly he wanted to have kids until the option of it was taken from him. 

It’s true, he thinks as he towels off and changes into his pajamas. He will always love Richard and this won’t change that. But it might change something, just a bit. He goes into the living room to find him and tell him that, but the room is empty. Richard isn’t in the kitchen, the den, the office. He finally checks one of the guest rooms and sees Rich’s still form in the darkness, curled into himself in the bed. Taron feels like he’s going to cry again. Nothing will change the way he loves Rich, but can the same be said when it’s the other way around?

---------

The next morning, Richard is awake and eating a bowl of cereal when Taron comes downstairs. His eyes flick up and catch Taron’s, and he offers the tiniest of smiles. 

“Figured you were mad,” Taron says, his voice still husky from sleep as he reaches for the cornflakes and pours himself a bowl. 

“I wasn’t mad. I just thought you might need your space. And I...I needed some space as well,” he admits, continuing to eat. 

“I see,” Taron says curtly and Rich chuckles softly. 

“Taron. Hey, look at me,” he says after a moment, when it becomes clear that Taron’s ignoring him and focusing intently on his cornflakes like a child. “Bubs. I have something I need to discuss with you.” 

Finally, Taron sighs dramatically and looks up at him. “What?” 

“I’m going to see my family for a few days. Just for a few days, a week, tops. I need to clear my head and I miss them,” Rich says, and his voice is soft and low and he is trying to break this gently, but Taron’s face registers the shock he’s feeling. 

“You’re leaving?” he asks quietly, and Richard sighs. 

“I’m not leaving you, I’m just...yeah, I guess I’m technically leaving, but it’s only for a few days. A week at the most. This isn’t a separation or anything, darling, I’m just feeling a bit overwhelmed and I need my family right now,” Rich says, reaching over and trying to take Taron’s hand, although he jerks it away. 

“I’m your family, Rich. At least I thought I was,” Taron says, and Rich can tell that he’s angry. 

“Bubs, you are my family, you know that, I just meant…” Rich says hurriedly. Taron holds up his hand and cuts him off. 

“So I’m your family but I’m not part of that family,” Taron says flatly. In the back of his mind, he knows he’s being obstinate for no reason. He knows that it’s perfectly okay for Richard to take some time to go see his parents and his sisters. But right now he feels himself being petulant because he’s hurt and sad and this isn’t how he is, this isn’t how they are together. 

Richard sighs. He can tell that nothing he says is going to be enough for Taron, and, simply put, he doesn’t feel like digging himself any further into the hole. “Taron, you know in your heart that’s not true. You know that. I don’t know what’s going on between us right now but I need a minute to get my head back on straight, and I think you need that time, too. I’ll see you soon.” Richard kisses Taron’s cheek, gently, and reaches down to grab his suitcase before heading out of their home and into the cold morning air.

-----------

Rich heads straight to his sister’s as soon as he arrives and spends the afternoon with his niece. He picks her up from school and takes her for ice cream, lets her get two scoops even though it’ll ruin her dinner and insists on whipped cream. Then he helps her with her homework, his patience never waning even when she gets frustrated.

After his sister comes home, he helps her cook dinner, and they eat together, the three of them while he listens to his niece chatter sweetly, grinning and in her element with her mom and her favorite uncle.

 After dinner, he helps with bathtime and spends the rest of the evening on the floor, making tiny plastic dolls talk with a high-pitched voice that he’d sooner die than let anyone else hear. He plays the part of the egregiously wronged college girl whose boyfriend has dumped her for the other doll. He chuckles as he watches his niece prance around her dollhouse, marvels at her attitude and spunk.

At half past eight, he lays his doll down and says, “Alright, love, I think it’s time for bed.”

She plants her tiny hands on her tiny hips and shakes her head angrily. “No! I want to keep playing!”

“Listen to Uncle Rich, darling,” his sister calls from across the room, absorbed in her novel, grateful for a break and more than willing to let Rich take over.

“We can play again tomorrow, but tonight, it’s time for sleep. Come on, I’ll read you a story,” he says softly, tweaking her gently on the nose. She sighs dramatically but nods, and Richard scoops her up into his arms.

When his sister comes to check on them twenty minutes later, they’re both asleep in her bed, Rich’s niece burrowed into his side, his arm around her tightly. She watches them both for just a moment before snapping a quick picture with her phone, and then she shakes Rich awake gently. He looks around, bleary-eyed, then lays down the book he’d been reading and gently lays his small niece down in her bed. He kisses her forehead, softly, and then tiptoes out with his sister into the hallway, shutting the door behind him.

Once they’re back in the living room, Rich’s sister pours him a glass of wine and they sink down next to each other on the couch. “I can’t believe I fell asleep. I’m beat,” he says with a sheepish smile, and she nods, sipping slowly and looking contemplative. “What?” he asks, knowing his sister long enough to know when she’s got something on her mind.

“So, tell me again why you don’t want to have children with Taron?” she asks, almost nonchalantly. Rich nearly chokes on his wine, and thinks, vaguely, that he ought to avoid drinking with the people he’s closest to, because it inevitably leads to a discussion about children.

“What on earth are you talking about?” he asks, and she rolls her eyes.

“Don’t play dumb with me. I watched you pick up your niece from school, help her with her homework, cook dinner, give her a bath, play with her, and then read her a story. Very lovingly, I might add. And you didn’t look miserable.”

“That’s different.”

“Explain,” she says shortly.

“This isn’t permanent, this is just for a few days until I go home. Maybe I don’t want to do this permanently,” Rich says, trailing off lamely. He knows she will see through it.

His sister chuckles. “Richard Madden, I have known you all our lives, and that’s crap. You’re scared. And that’s valid, because having a kid is scary! It’s the scariest thing I’ve ever done. But it’s so worth it. I promise. You can do this.” Richard’s sister reaches out and squeezes his hand, and he takes a deep breath.

He thinks of his niece upstairs, sleeping soundly. He imagines that he is home, with his husband, with the one great love of his life. He imagines that it is their child sleeping safely upstairs. They are exhausted from a long day at work and the dishes need to be done and bedtime has taken an entire bloody hour that night. But he imagines that they have a child upstairs, his or her arm curled protectively around a stuffed animal, his or her cheeks flushed with sleep and lost in dreams. He imagines raising this tiny human with the one great love of his life, and he feels something swell inside of him, some beacon of hope or light.

-----------

Richard takes a few more days with his sister and niece, and when he returns home he feels fresh and rested and when he opens the front door and sees Taron, he nearly bowls him over as he rushes at him.

Taron lets out a whoosh of air in surprise, but tightens his arms around his husband regardless. “Missed you,” he says softly, and Richard can tell he means it.

He intends to say ‘missed you, too’, intends to do nothing more than bury his face into Taron’s soft sweater. But his sweater smells like him and it smells like home and he is filled with an overwhelming rush of love, and he blurts out, “Have a kid with me.”

There’s a long moment of silence where Richard’s words hang between them, fat and heavy and full of potential. “Don’t mess with me,” Taron says quietly, and Richard smiles a little. He looks up from his vantage point and smiles bigger.

“I’m not messing with you. If you still want to, I...I want to have a kid with you,” Richard says, liking the way the words sound coming out of his mouth.

Taron laughs, really laughs, and kisses Richard full on the mouth. “What...happened? Are you sure? What changed your mind?” The words tumble over themselves and come out in a rush, Taron’s so happy.

“I’m sure. I...my sister helped me to see that I’m just scared. I still am, in a lot of ways. But the idea of having children just seemed so...hard and scary and impossible. I couldn’t picture myself as a father, my insecurities just screamed at me whenever I imagined it. But then I spent some more time with my niece and I thought about...well, I thought about you,” Rich says shyly. Taron is rubbing slow circles on his back and listening, and at this he stops for just a moment, unable to believe what Richard’s saying.

“What about me?” Taron asks quietly.

“Well, look at this life, T. Look at this life we’ve built. This home and this relationship we have. The truth of it is...you’re it, bubs. You’re it for me. The moment I met you, I fell, hard, and I’ve never been the same since. My fear over having kids pale in comparison when I’ve got you with me. We will be the most amazing Dads, T. The most amazing Dads,” he says quietly, and reaches out with his thumb to wipe away a tear that’s winding its way down Taron’s face.

“We absolutely will,” Taron whispers, and then he’s kissing Richard again and it is everything.

“I’m going to need you, T, because I’m still scared,” Richard says and Taron nods.

“I’m confident enough for us both,” he says, “and I’ll believe it until you can believe it all the time, too.”

“It won’t be long,” Rich says, and he knows it’s true, as he imagines their child, caught between them both like a promise.

@primaba11erina​ @onceuponadetectivedemigod​ @dreamingwolfthings​ @shereighties​ @honkycrowley​ @guns-n-marvel​ @sarahegerton96​ @multicoloredchicken​ @naptitimadderton​ @anxiety-at-the-classroom​ @taron-eggmcmuffin​

[writingformadderton]

Unsteady

Ship: Madderton

Word Count: 2677

Summary: Taron hears a song in the radio that reminds him of his dad and he gets upset. Richard takes care of him and promises him to never leave him alone. They spend the day together and realize they have feelings for each other. 

Additional Tags: angst, fluff, soft, best friends to lovers, comfort, crying, cuddling, sharing a bed

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The doorbell rings and Taron grins, sprinting to the door. He opens the door and opens his arms. “Hey, Rich.” T says, smiling, and pulls him into a strong hug, pressing a kiss on his cheek. “Come in.”

Richard steps into his best friend’s apartment and smirks at him. “How are you, mate?”

“Oh, I’m great. Got some free time at the moment.” T explains and watches Richard hanging up his jacket.

“Lucky you.” Rich sighs and follows him into the kitchen. He sits down at the kitchen island and braces his head on his hand. “I’d love to have some free time.”

Taron steps behind him and massages his shoulders shortly, making Richard a bit more relaxed. “Well you do now for this afternoon. Relax and I’ll do the rest.” he pats his back and gets a bottle of wine from the cabinet. “You’re fine with pasta for lunch?”

“God yes, T.” he says happily.

Taron turns around chuckling and watches him shortly. “You’re sounding like I just said I’m gonna make you an extremely exclusive main course and dessert.”

“Ugh no, had enough of that the last few weeks.” Richard contorts his face and watches Taron as he gets two glasses from the drawer above the dishwasher.

“Boaster.” Taron giggles and opens the bottle, turning towards him again. “Not all of us can afford that Mr. David Budd, Rob Stark, and Marvel’s new Eternal being, Ikaris. The fans’ gonna love seeing you in that tight blue suit.” he grins and winks at him.

“Taron!” Richard protests laughing. “I can’t afford that either Mr. Eggsy Unwin and Sir Elton John himself. But you know, some fancy premieres, gala dinners and so on.”

“Well I’m not fancy at all, sticking with noodles and some ordinary sauce.” T shrugs his shoulders and pours some wine into a glass. He hands it to Richard, who takes it rolling his eyes.

“You know exactly I prefer the noodles with some ordinary sauce.” he smirks and takes a sip of his wine.

Taron finishes pouring the dark red liquid into his glass and closes the bottle again. “I know, mate. Just teasing you.” he smiles brightly at him and raises his glass. “Here’s to many more fancy dinners for you.”

“No thank you, I prefer being with you.” Rich says and raises his glass as well. “Here’s to your noodles.” Taron starts giggling and Rich can’t stop himself from smiling. He just loves making him happy and watching the cute dimples appearing on his face while his eyes light up bright and full of joy.

Taron starts cooking and has his back turned to Richard. “So, how are you doing at the moment? Coping with all the stress?”

“Yeah. I’m tired most of the time.” Richard admits and rests his head on top of his arms on the table.

“No time for some ten minutes naps between shoots?” T asks and turns around shortly, smirking softly.

“You know I have sleeping problems. There are no ten minutes naps in my life. I’m sleeping deep and long with the help of a pill, or short and half-awake the whole night without.” Richard growls and buries his head in his arms, closing his eyes to give them a break at least.

“You do know I have a sofa and a bed in my apartment? I usually don’t sleep at the kitchen table.” Taron chuckles teasingly and shakes his head before turning back to the food.

“I’m not sleeping.” Rich groans softly but stays in that position.

“Just lay down for a bit. It’s alright.” Taron assures him.

“No. I’m visiting you and I won’t be sleeping while you’re cooking.” he protests and sits up straight again.

“I see. I’ll have to cuddle you to sleep after lunch.” T chuckles and takes a sip of his wine.

“That sounds better.” Richard says and watches him. He doesn’t want it, but he allows his mind to imagine how’d it be to live with Taron. Actually being in a relationship with him. Having a boyfriend that cooks for him, gives great massages, and cuddles him when he sees that he’s tired. Rich shakes his head slightly. He shouldn’t be thinking that way about his best friend.

Taron turns the radio on and starts singing to the songs while preparing their food. He gets out the plates and puts the noodles on them when the song changes. T stops his movements and swallows. This song sounds familiar. Too familiar.

Richard sees him stopping in his movement and wants to say something when Taron suddenly turns the radio off swiftly. “You’re alright, mate?”

“Yeah.” T just says and continues preparing their plates. He puts some sauce on top and tries to hold himself together. This stupid song! Not now, not when Rich is here.

“Taron?” Rich asks, recognizing that T is holding back something. Trying to hide something from him. Fighting the urge to say something.

“Huh?” Taron asks and grabs the plates, putting one down in front of his best friend. He sits down heavy and swallows, fighting against tears as the nearly forgotten feeling of abandonment wells up within him. Again. Suddenly, there is Richard’s hand grabbing his and stroking his knuckles softly.

“What’s wrong, bub?” he asks in a soft and caring tone.

“It’s nothing. Just stupid.” T says and laughs weakly, biting his lip. But he feels the tears burning in his eyes and knows Richard sees them. “That song reminded me of something. I’m sorry, we shouldn’t talk about that right now. I don’t wanna ruin your afternoon.”

Rich slides back with his chair a bit and watches him carefully. “It upsets you, I can see that. You can tell me, we both know I’ll be worried the whole afternoon otherwise.”

T smiles weakly and shrugs his shoulders slightly. “I-My-.” he takes a deep breath and tries to blink away the tears. “My dad used to sing that song to me when I was little. Before my parents separated and we moved-.” and then the tears begin to roll down his face and he turns away, not wanting Richard to see it.

Richard gets up quickly and walks over to his side. “Hey, T.” he whispers and fondles over his arm. “It’s okay, let it out. That’s important.” he takes a step closer and carefully wraps his arms around him. That’s all it takes for T to cuddle into him, crying and hold him tight. Rich runs his fingers through his hair and rubs his back gently, trying to comfort him.

T calms down a bit and pulls back wiping away his tears. “I’m sorry.” he says with a shaking voice. “I’m just always scared of people leaving me because of that. Maybe it was my fault and-.” his voice cracks and he presses his lips together.

Richard shakes his head shortly and cups his face. “It wasn’t your fault, you hear me?”

“You don’t know that.” Taron mumbles and stares at the floor.

“Neither do you. But I can tell you, you did nothing wrong. You were a child, T.” Rich explains and softly strokes over his wet cheeks. “And not everyone leaves you.”

“They say the best stay and I’m still scared to do something that makes me lose you.” Taron admits softly and barely looks into Richard’s deep blue eyes. But they get so soft and caring that he has to.

“Taron, I won’t leave you. I promise.” Rich says and kisses him on the forehead. “Never.” Taron pulls him close again and enjoys the comfort he finds in his arms.

They sit down again and Taron turns the radio back on while warming their food up. He starts singing along to the tune playing. “Hold on to me. ‘Cause I’m a little unsteady.”

Richard feels a shiver running down his spine and gets goosebumps all over his arms hearing Taron’s angelic voice. He watches him and feels a slight sting in his heart. Rich didn’t know Taron was still so upset because of his father and projected it on others.

After a while, they are finally eating their pasta and it’s the best thing Richard’s ate in months. Or at least that’s what he tells Taron. “Stop it, Rich!“ Taron giggles happily.

"No, I’m fucking serious, T! I needed that now.” he says seriously and puts another spoon full of noodles into his mouth.

“You’re such a dork.” Taron chuckles and rolls his eyes. “Want more wine?”

“Yes, please.” Richard says and sees Taron getting up. “No, I didn’t want you to stand up. I could have done that myself.” he groans.

“It’s fine, Rich. You’re at my apartment, which means I’ll get the stuff.” Taron states and can’t hide a big grin when he sees him rolling his eyes.

—————

A bit later, Taron sits on the sofa, Richard’s head on his lap, and looks down at him. His Scottish pal is sleeping finally and looks peaceful. Taron fondles over his hair and loves feeling his curls underneath his fingers. He thinks back to when Richard saw immediately how he felt and comforted him without judging him. Whenever he opened up about that, people told him to move on and forget the past. Told him to grow up. But Rich just told him it’s okay and he should let his feelings out.

T sighs silently and leans back in the sofa, feeling himself getting tired as well. Rich growls softly and opens his eyes tiredly. “You wanna cuddle?” he asks with the raspy sleepy voice Taron heard before and loved it every time.

Taron nods. “But my bed is more comfortable for that, I promise.”

“Yeah it is.” Rich just says and gets up, yawning. They walk into Taron’s bedroom and lie down on his bed. Richard rests his head on Taron’s chest and cuddles into him lazily. Taron fondles over his curls and wraps the blanket around them. He drifts off back to sleep again shortly, knowing he is safe in Taron’s arms.

Taron stares at the ceiling and holds back a sigh. He feels peaceful and safe around Richard. In the beginning of their friendship, he felt a bit intimidated. It was Richard Madden and he, a young actor from Wales, would actually get the chance to work with the man who was part of Game of Thrones. But Rich was quite shy himself and they built up this beautiful trust and comfort around each other. He was forever grateful for their friendship and the love they had for each other. His thoughts were interrupted by a yawn leaving his lips. He cuddles Rich closer to his body and closes his eyes, sleep taking over rather quickly.

—————

“T?” Richard says and rocks him carefully.

“Huh?” he asks groaning and opens his eyes.

“It’s 5am. I should be on set in three hours.” Rich explains and runs his fingers through his hair. Damn, they slept pretty much their entire day away.

“Relax. I’ll drive you to set later. Sleep for a bit longer.” T sets an alarm and pulls Richard back into his arms. “You can stay here, no problem.”

Rich sinks into his arms and closes his eyes. “Thanks.”

—————–

The alarm wakes them up again at 6:30 am and Rich rolls away from him, growling. Taron rubs his eyes and tells him he can use the shower. While Richard is in the bathroom showering and brushing his teeth, Taron puts on a hoodie and his sweatpants. He grabs some of his clothes and lies them in front of the door for his mate.

Afterwards, Richard pulls down the sleeves of the dark blue sweater Taron gave him and runs his fingers through his un-styled curls. Taron is in the kitchen making him breakfast when Rich makes his way downstairs and he feels his heart warming when he sees him. T is singing “Unsteady” while he gets a plate for Richard and puts the toast on it. Taron sense him near and turns around, greeting him with a smile.

“Made you something to eat.” T says and smiles, putting down the plate in front of him. Eggs, bacon and a piece of toast. He grabs a bottle of orange juice from the fridge and pours some of it in a glass.

“Thank you, bub.” Richard says warmly and sits down at the table. They eat in a comfortable silence and Rich glances at him from time to time. He fell in love with T yesterday all over again.

Taron glances at Rich and smirks, covering himself by taking a sip of his juice. His eyes look much bluer than yesterday now that he is wearing his blue sweater. Taron absolutely loves seeing his dark sweater on Richard and bites his lip at the thought of letting him wear his things more often.

They get their plates into the dishwasher and clean up the kitchen together. Richard fights with himself, but he knows he should open up now before it was too late. Taron needed to know how he felt.

“I have to tell you something.” Richard says suddenly and stands directly in front of T. He tries to control his shaking hands and bites his lower lip nervously.

“You’re alright?” Taron asks confused.

“Taron, I’m in love with you.” he admits and Taron opens his mouth, wanting to say something. “I understand if you don’t have feelings for me as well but I think it’s important for you to know that.”

“Rich, I-I love you too but…” Taron takes a step back. “I can’t do this.”

Richard nods understandingly, but feels the hurt welling up in him. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have-.”

Taron puts his finger on his full lips. “Shh.” he stares into the ocean blue eyes of his best friend. “I can’t lose somebody else. Not you.”

“How do you mean?”

“I destroy things. I have days where I wanna curl up in bed and don’t leave it for a few weeks. I wouldn’t do you any good.” Taron explains and grabs his hands, smiling sadly. “Strangely I feel happy around you, all the time. But I’m scared of losing you.”

“I told you yesterday that you won’t lose me.” Richard answers softly and squeezes his hand.

“You don’t know that.” T says and stares at his lips shortly. Damn, don’t do that.

“Neither do you.” he says and both of them smirk, repeating the sentences they said yesterday.

“Why me, Rich? I’m broken.” Taron mumbles timidly and looks down to the floor.

“That’s human and you’re always honest with me. I never felt safer around someone else and I just love everything about you.” Richard sees Taron’s eyes filling with tears. “I’m gonna stop if that makes you cry.”

Taron giggles softly and shrugs his shoulders. “You know how it is. Say something nice and I’ll start crying.”

“You’re perfect.” Rich breathes out and comes a bit closer. “I wouldn’t leave you, T.”

“I know.” The Welsh says and leans forward carefully, kissing Richard. It’s a short kiss, but both of them liked it. “Can I kiss you again?” he asks and Richard just cups his face as an answer. They sink into another kiss and enjoy feeling their lips on each other’s. Suddenly Taron pulls back quickly. “Fuck! We should go, you’re gonna be late.”

They hurry to the car and Taron drives to the set fast. They’re ten minutes early thankfully and Richard gets out after they talk for a bit. “Rich?” Taron asks gently.

Richard leans down in the car and looks at him. “Yeah?”

“May I kiss you again?” he asks and smirks softly when Richard comes closer. He leans forward and kisses him sweetly, tasting Richard’s full lips. “Take care.”

“I love you too.” The Scottish answers and winks at him before closing the door.

Taron leans back in the seat and shakes his head slightly. “Don’t mess it up, Taron.” he tells himself and drives back to his apartment.

@primaba11erina @dreamingwolfthings @honkycrowley @shereighties @onceuponadetectivedemigod @guns-n-marvel @sarahegerton96 @anxiety-at-the-classroom @georgeparasol-harrison @naptitimadderton  

[writingformadderton]

Reassurance

Ship: Madderton

Word Count: 3007

Summary: Handling a job and being there for your baby at the same time isn’t easy. Something that Taron realizes more and more, which upsets him. Luckily he has his calm husband by his side, assuring him that he’s doing fine. They spend a lovely afternoon with their baby daughter and some alone time.

Additional Tags: Madderton-baby, Dad!Richard, Dad!Taron, baby, pain, comfort, angst, soft, nightmares, fluff!, kisses

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When Taron comes back home this evening and opens the door, he can hear his daughter starting to cry. “Ugh god, no.” he presses out and closes the door behind him quietly.

Richard steps out of the kitchen and presses a short quick kiss on his cheek before stepping into the living room.

Taron steps into the doorframe and watches his husband leaning down to their daughter and fondling over her cheek shortly.

Rich grabs a little blanket, puts it over his shoulder and lifts up his crying daughter. Emilia is lying on his arm now while he fondles over her head calmingly with his free hand. He sits down and rocks her a bit trying to make her calm enough to stop crying. “Hey, honey, everything is alright. You’re gonna get your food soon.” Rich promises and looks into the little face of his baby daughter, her cheeks covered in tears and her little face slightly red.

T rubs his face and turns away walking upstairs. He really isn’t in the mood for her crying today, so he closes the door to his bedroom and falls onto the bed. Staring up at the ceiling he listens to his daughter’s cries slow down, and finally being quiet again.

Richard sits down on the sofa again with his daughter and her bottle of milk. He watches her adoringly as she wraps her tiny hands around the bottle and starts sucking to get the milk out. She looks up to him with her beautiful round blue eyes and watches him curiously. Having Emilia around him, Richard finally understands what effect his own blue eyes have on Taron.

He thinks back at how exhausted Taron looked, and it was only 12 o’clock. It must have been a tough day. It wasn’t Taron’s usual manner to go upstairs without greeting their baby girl. He loved the little one and always took his time to play with his five months old.

When Emilia is done he walks her upstairs, and lies her down in her crib, that he put into the hallway so he would hear her when he’s working. “Try to sleep darling, gotta look after your daddy.” Rich whispers and bops her nose softly before fondling over her head. “I love you, angel face.” he says and kisses her cheek making her giggle.

Richard opens the bedroom door and sees Taron lying flat on the bed still in his jeans and shirt staring up at the ceiling. “I’m sorry, had to feed Emmy.”

“s'fine.” T mumbles and doesn’t react in any other way.

Richard watches him observantly and closes the door behind him now. “You’re alright?”

“Sure.” Taron mumbles.

Rich shakes his head slightly and walks over to him. “You’re lying in bed, fully dressed, didn’t say hi to Emmy and staring at the ceiling.” he sits down on the edge of the bed and fondles over his stomach. “And you didn’t even ask what we’re gonna eat today. Which is strange for you, my little foodie.” Taron remains silent, stubborn, but is biting on his lower lip now. “You don’t have to tell me what’s bothering you, I just wanna make sure that you’re okay. You don’t have to be feeling good all the time, love.”

T swallows and presses his lips together now, his eyes getting a watery shimmer. “I feel like shit. And I’m a disappointment and I know that.” he suddenly says and takes a shuddery breath.

“What?” Richard looks at him utterly confused. “Who told you you’re a disappointment?”

“No one, not directly. Jus’ feel like it.” he says lowly.

Taron had had a difficult day, so it must be hard to talk today, and Richard knows he has to be careful about his words. Whenever his husband truly opens up, it could happen very quickly, and then he’d remain completely silent. “What makes you feel like that?” Richard asks and lies down next to him, turning his head towards him. He knows fitting into Taron’s comfort zone now was important.

“Literally everything.” he says and shrugs his shoulders turning towards him. “Do you think I’m a disappointment? Be honest, please.”

“Is there a reason why I should think that?” he asks back and raises his eyebrows slightly.

Taron looks back at the ceiling again and starts playing with his hands. He looks like he’s caught up in thoughts and Richard decides to give him some time. “Yes, there is.”

“Like what?” Rich asks curiously. He wants to find out if he made him feel like that in any way.

“Dunno.” Taron shrugs and turns his head back towards him. “I just feel like it, for many different reasons.”

Richard turns towards him fully. “If you would tell me what’s going on in your mind, I could try to help you.”

“See? Another reason, I need help.” Taron grunts and turns to face him as well.

“I’d be disappointed if you didn’t, because that would make me feel very dumb for frequently needing your help.” Rich says and chuckles softly when he sees the slight smirk on Taron’s lips. “I don’t know what makes you think that, but you’re not a disappointment in my eyes, bub.” he grabs his hand and interlocks their fingers. “And if I ever give you that feeling-.” Richard searches his look. “Please, tell me.” he speaks firmly and squeezes his hand shortly when Taron nods agreeing.

“It’s just a lot going through my mind at the moment and it would take way too long to tell you everything.” he explains and looks deep into his man’s blue eyes that watch him warmly with a hint of worry.

“I have time.”

Taron sits up and breathes out the air through his mouth loudly. He rubs his face a bit and bites on his lower lip. “Okay, so- I mean I told you about the role I’m working at the moment. Whenever I’m there I mess up things because I keep on thinking about Emilia and you back at home. But whenever I’m home I can’t get my thoughts away from set, and that’s annoying because I wanna get my work done well and enjoy my life here. I know it sounds stupid.”

Richards sits up as well and shakes his head. “It doesn’t. We’ll find a way to fix that.”

“And over this last few days, six different people told me more or less nicely to move my ass back home and stay with my daughter.” Taron looks down at his lap now. “I told them I am taking a few steps back after that project but they didn’t care.”

“I’m sorry, love.” Rich says and watches him carefully. This wasn’t only about Emilia.

“And I know I’m not staying at home full time, but I can’t. I just can’t.” T shakes his head and presses his lips together. “I swear she doesn’t cry often but when she does it drives me crazy. I could sit down next to her and cry with her.” he admits and sighs a bit. “Which sounds stupid coming out of my mouth, because I’m clearly a shitty parent, and I’m barely at home.” Taron’s eyes fill with tears now and he tries to hold them in.

“Hey, bub, you’re not a shitty parent.” Rich stops him calmly seeing the tears in his eyes.

Taron rubs his face and takes a deep breath. “Richard, I love that little girl so much and I wanna be a good father to her. I just don’t know how at the moment, I feel like I’m getting sick because of all the stress and I don’t wanna be mean to our baby.” he speaks concerned and bites back the tears.

“So it is about Emilia?” he asks slowly. “Do you regret having her?”

“No, never.” Taron says firmly and shakes his head furiously. “She’s our daughter now and she belongs to this family.”

“Well then it’s okay, Taron.” Richard states and T looks at him confused. “You are right, you’re completely overworked at the moment. That’s why Emilia’s crying is the last thing you need at the moment. And that’s okay and understandable, it really is annoying.” he says chuckling while taking his hand and searches his look. “If you would have said you regret adopting her, then it would have been a problem. But we can work on the rest. And I’m saying we because I wanna support you, not because you’re too weak, dumb or whatever to handle it on your own.”

Taron rubs his face and nods slowly. “I’m just a bit tired and my back hurts like shit from the stunt I messed up yesterday. And not being there for her makes me frustrated.” he looks at Richard tiredly. “I’m sorry for putting it all on you.”

Rich just shakes his head signaling him to stop apologizing. “About that with Emilia; You can still be here for her after work. Even if it’s just holding her a bit, or singing her to sleep. Feed her a bottle and she’s happy.”

T chuckles a bit and looks at him proudly. “It looks so easy when you’re with her.”

“It isn’t, but I know you can do it.” Richard states and pats on his lap.

T crawls over to him and sits down on it leaning against him. “I don’t wanna mess it up, I love her so much.”

Richard presses a kiss on his temple and rubs his arms. “You’ll be brilliant, T.” he cuddles him firmly and makes him giggle happily. “I am so so proud of you, bub.”

“Huh?” T asks confused and turns around a bit in his embrace.

“You are trying your best and that is all that counts. And don’t listen to those idiots on set, love.” he says and looks at T who turned his head towards him now smiling. “You’re so cute sometimes.” Rich breathes out and places kisses on Taron’s dimples and bops his nose while T’s blueish-green eyes start shining full of joy.

“If you knew how much I love you.” Taron whispers and plays with Richards grey streak. He places a soft kiss onto his husband’s lips and smiles happily. Suddenly Emilia starts crying and T pulls back with a soft groan. “I’ll go and get her.” he says and jumps off the bed.

T goes outside in the hallway and leans down to his daughter fondling over her cheek. “Let’s get you out of here, huh? Wanna come to your dads for a bit?” Taron strokes her belly shortly before leaning down to pick her up. “Come here, sweetie.” he says and lifts her up carefully. The little girl tries to grip his shirt as he leans her against his chest to carry her into the bedroom. “Shh, it’s okay, no need to cry. You have my attention already now.” Taron tells her and rocks her a bit walking over to Rich. The little girl stops, now being in the arms of her father.

Richard pulls the blanket aside and puts the pillows up against the headboard so Taron can sit down with their baby. He watches his husband sitting down carefully, securing Emilia’s head.

Taron sits her onto his lap, bracing her a bit and smirks down at her. Emilia bounces on his lap and starts babbling happily. T chuckles and listens to the adorable sounds his sweet daughter is making. “So, was dad behaving well today?” he asks her when she stops and she babbles something back. “She said no.” T says and looks at Rich with a grin.

“Dork.” Richard laughs and watches them adoringly.

Taron lifts her up higher and gives her a kiss on the cheek. “Who’s my beautiful baby girl?” he asks in a silly voice and bops her nose with his own. She wrinkles her nose a bit and giggles. Taron turns her around in his arms so she is facing Richard and lifts her up again. “Now we’re gonna fly to dad.” he says and brings her closer to Richard who makes a silly face at his giggling daughter. As soon as she is close to him, her tiny fingers wrap around a strand of Richard’s hair.

“Easy, little one.” Rich hisses when she pulls at one of his curls firmly. He grabs his daughter so Taron can use both hands to get hers away from his hair. “Thanks, love.”

Taron sits down and Richard takes his daughter on his lap now. He leans down to Emilia and hides his face behind his hands. “Boo!” he says loudly and removes his hands quickly. Her blue eyes light up and she giggles excited while bouncing on Richards lap. Taron continues playing the game with her for another few minutes before Richard lies her down on her stomach.

The little one pushes herself up on her elbows and looks around. T gives her his finger to play with and she grabs it and sticks it into her tiny mouth.

Richard watches Taron closely and sees that he looks more relaxed. It is good to see the pure joy in his eyes back and the beautiful smile on his face. The Scottish reaches out for Taron’s hand and fondles over it softly.

T looks up and interlocks their fingers, brings their hands up to his mouth and presses a kiss on Richards knuckles. Rich sits down next to him and Taron leans his head on his shoulder.

“No need to be nervous about treating her right. You’re a natural.” Rich says and T looks up at him smiling softly. He kisses him lovingly and fondles through his fluffy hair.

When Emilia turns on her back she looks up at them with her big blue eyes and Taron feels happiness filling his heart. She yawns and looks at them sleepily. T picks her up and brings her into the bed, that’s still standing outside. He turns on the Babyphone after lying her down and caresses her cheek shortly, watching her closing her eyes already.

T closes the bedroom door and turns on their part of the Babyphone. He puts it on the bedside table when he feels Richard wrapping his arms around him from behind. Taron leans back into his embrace and closes his eyes, breathing in the cologne of his spouse.

Richard walks them to the armchair and sits down pulling him on his lap. “Sit a bit more in the front.” he tells him and T slides down towards his knees. Rich lifts Taron’s shirt a bit and starts stroking over his lower back firmly. He presses down on from time to time until Taron lets out a loud moan, now he found his aching spot.

Taron leans forward a bit and braces himself on his knees. Richard’s firm touch on his lower back is exactly what he needs for the stupid pain.

Richard continues and T whimpers from time to time. He leans forward and places soft kisses on the back of his neck. Suddenly Taron tenses and swears under his breath making Rich chuckle softly. “Here?” he asks and presses down on that spot again getting the same reaction.

T nods moaning a bit and presses his eyes closed. Seems like Rich found the most painful muscle. His spouse continues massaging him until it doesn’t hurt as much. He turns sideward in his lap and kisses him lovingly. “Thank you.” he whispers and leans against him. “How can I make it up to you?”

Rich just places a kiss on his hair and wraps his arms around him. “Seeing you smile again is all I need.”

Taron falls asleep in his arms, exhausted from this stressful day. Richard leans back and closes his eyes to relax a bit, but doesn’t fall asleep. He takes the chances for a nap whenever Emmy is sleeping and he feels like he needs it.

It doesn’t take long and T starts squirming in his arms a bit. Richard looks down at him and sees the worried expression in his face. Taron had a lot of nightmares at the moment, his bad days creeped into his dreams. Rich starts fondling over his hair, knowing that calms him in his sleep most of the time.

T jumps up and crashes his head against Richards chin making them both moan. “Rich?” he asks panicked.

“I’m here.” Richard says and contorts his face a bit. “Nightmare?” Taron nods and looks down on his lap wrapping his arms around himself while taking deep breaths. “It was just a bad dream, it’s okay.” he calms him and wraps his arms around him carefully as Taron sinks against him shivering a bit. “I’ve got you, bub.” he promises and rubs his arm smoothly.

Taron curls up in his lap and cuddles against him sighing. They remain silent a bit enjoying each other’s presence and understanding for each other. Their daughter starts whining, waking up again and longing them near. T gets up and lifts her up, carrying her to Richard. He sits down on his lap again and sits Emilia on his own.

But the little girl wants to cuddle and reaches her arms out for Taron. T smiles softly and leans against Richard fully now as he lies her down on his chest. He starts humming a melody and looks down at his daughter who watches him curiously, enjoying it.

Richard smiles happily at his little family and fondles over Taron’s arm while his other hand interlocks with Tarons which rests on her back. Rich watches T and Emilia close their eyes again, and relaxes into the chair. He listens to their calm and regular breathing and reaches out for the blanket lying on a table next to him. Richard covers himself and Taron up to Emilia’s feet, who doesn’t need a blanket most of the time. “I will always protect you two.” he whispers and plants a kiss on Taron’s hair, fondles over the back of his daughter’s head and leans back, closing his eyes as well.

@sarahegerton96 @primaba11erina @taron-eggmcmuffin @maddertonmyheart @multicoloredchicken @anxiety-at-the-classroom

[writingformadderton]

Carpool Karaoke💙

Ship: Madderton

Word Count: 2805

Summary: Taron and Richard are shooting the Carpool Karaoke, both fighting with their hangover. When they talk about kissing on set Taron tries to tell Richard that he loves him without making it obvious. It comes to a quick and funny kiss in the car and Taron couldn’t be happier until he sees Richard contorting his face in disgust. Clearly hurt he stops driving and decides to quit for the day. Richard drives to his apartment to talk about what happened.

Additional Tags: mention of drinking, hangover, lazy cuddles, friendship, fun, argument, first kiss, comfort

Taron wakes up with an enormous headache this morning. His eyes burn when they come in contact with the bright sun shining through his window. He sits up and retches when his stomach shows him pretty clearly that he’s not amused with what he had done yesterday. “Oh fuck.” He grabs his phone while groaning and sees that Richard had already texted him.

Why did we do this, T? - Richard, 8:30am

I feel like throwing up and sleeping for two weeks straight - Richard, 8:45am

Can we pretend we’re sick? I feel like it. - Richard, 9:00am

Mate! Wake up for fucks sake! - Richard, 9:30am

I swear, I’m gonna call James and tell him he can sit in this bloody car himself if you don’t wake up soon! – Richard, 10:30

You aren’t twenty anymore, you should stop drinking that much. And we signed a contract, no quitting today. - Taron, 11:00

Fuck you… Wanna come over and suffer together? - Richard, 11:01

Yeah, give me something like an hour😂-Taron, 11:02

15 minutes, idiot😂-Richard 11:03

Taron moans and gets up quickly. Too quick, he feels his head pounding and takes a deep breath. Why the hell did they do this? Both of them knew they would have to shoot the carpool karaoke today. They ended up drinking and had so much fun that they didn’t stop and continued here at his place until Richard left late at night.

After a quick shower, he puts on a blue shirt, a pair of jeans, and his Rocketman cap. He tries to style his hair, but gives up and decides he’ll keep the cap on the whole day.

Taron grabs his car keys and drives to Richard’s house. He presses the doorbell and is welcomed by a tired looking Richard still wearing sweatpants and a hoodie. His hair is a complete mess and he doesn’t look like he tried to style it at all, dark curls hanging onto his face, but he still was the most beautiful man T had ever seen. “Good morning to you.” he giggles and comes inside throwing his shoes in a corner.

Rich just grins and walks straight back into his bedroom where all the curtains were closed. He sinks down onto his bed and Taron joins him. “Why the fuck did we do this?” he asks groaning and rubs his face tiredly.

“I don’t know, but it was stupid!” T admits and closes his eyes, resting his head next to Richard’s on his pillow.

“Mm.” Rich hums and is already drifting off to sleep again.

T gets out his phone and sets an alarm for them. He lazily puts his arm around Rich, who comes closer. They quickly fall asleep.

When Taron wakes up, he turns off the alarm and looks down at Richard who seems to ignore it. He looked adorable, curled up with a peaceful expression on his face and breathing deeply. “Richard.” he says and tries to wake him up. He runs his fingers through his hair and tries again. “Rich, you should wake up.”

Richard groans and shakes his head. “Don’t do that to me.”

Taron giggles softly and sits up. “Come on, you need to get dressed.”

Rich keeps his eyes closed and turns away from him. “No.” he mumbles into his pillow.

Taron gets up, sighing, and walks over to Richard’s music box. He connects his phone with it and puts on a song. Quickly, he opens the curtains and lets in the sunlight. Rich groans and puts a pillow over his head. Then he stands next to Richard and screams; “Rocketman!” directly next to him.

Richard jumps up in shock, throwing the pillow at him. “Shut the fuck up.” he shouts laughing and grabs him by the waist pulling him down onto the bed. “Let me sleep.” He murmurs next to his ear and holds him close in his arms.

Taron feels his heart racing having Richard’s hands on his waist and he tries to get away from him quickly. “Richard Madden. Get your lazy ass out of bed, you need a shower and you need to be dressed in the next 30 minutes.” When Richard doesn’t react at all, Taron starts to bop his nose with his finger, touch his cheeks softly, and holds his nose closed for a second.

“Ugh.” Rich just groans and sighs. “Fine.” He lets go of Taron and gets up slowly.

Taron is chilling on the bed and scrolls through his phone when Richard steps out of the bathroom. He’s wearing grey jeans, a black shirt, and his hair is styled perfectly as usual. “Well look at you, you’re still able to look alive.” Rich just chuckles and shows him his middle finger. “Not nice.” Taron simply says and watches Richard collect his stuff.

Richard grabs his black jacket and sunglasses putting both on with cigarettes in his pocket. “Are you coming, mate?”

 Richard sits in the car and tries to breathe properly again. He cracked up for the third time now when Taron gets in the car finally, dressed up as Elton in his feather costume and says I look like a multicolored chicken. Rich can’t keep a serious face after that and just starts laughing like crazy, burying his face in his hands while Taron giggles outside. It’s just hilarious and they can’t stop saying idiotic stuff between the shoots, which makes it harder to focus. “Okay, I’m sorry. Let’s do it again.” Rich presses out giggling and takes a few deep breaths.

Taron starts to say his line, but suddenly starts laughing and Richard starts as well, now actually crying. They barely hear the director shouting cut. “Bloody hell! That can’t be that tough.” T chokes out through laughter and falls onto the driver’s seat.

Rich wipes his tears away and tries to get some air in his lungs. “My god, we should have stayed at home. They’re gonna kill us.”

“Maybe they’ll fire us, then we can go back to sleep.” Taron presses out and wipes away his own tears, but he can’t stop giggling.

Richard starts laughing again. “Could you please stop making me laugh?!”

“I’m not even doing anything.” he protests laughing. “Okay, we can do this now, Rich.”

And so they try again. This time Richard tries to think of something else. Taron gets in and Richard has to pull his head back before a pink giant feather touches his face.

“Why is it that you always get to look cool, smooth, and wining and like a handsome leading man? And I look like a big multi-colored chicken. It’s ridiculous.” Taron spits out madly and gets out of the car.

“A handsome chicken! Handsome.” he says and keeps a straight face for the next few seconds before laughing again and hearing Taron doing the same. But this time, they got the right shot. Rich gets out of the car and gives T a high five. “Well done, mate!” he says and takes out his cigarettes and a lighter. He walks away and smokes in peace while Taron changes back into his clothes. Richard rubs his face tiredly and puts on his sunglasses again.

A while later Taron is driving through London and tries to focus on the road while listening to Richard. They are talking about the fact that they kissed a lot during shooting the movie.

“You kept saying, one more for me. One more for me.” Rich says and gets interrupted by Taron.

“Well, I just felt like we could do it better.” Not true, he thinks to himself. Just wanted to feel his lips on his own. “I needed to feel that connection from you.” That’s not a lie at all. ”So I wanted to do the kiss at least a hundred times. And it’s not that unusual.” He ends his speech nervously hoping he didn’t give away too much. It was a big risk to talk about that in front of the camera, even though it would look like a stupid joke between two friends.

“They weren’t even in the script, those kisses.” Richard says and glances over to T. He tries desperately to find out if it’s still a joke.

Taron takes his eyes off of the street and leans over. Richard follows his example and just at the moment when Taron wants to pull back, he feels Richards tongue against his. What just happened? He starts giggling happily and tries to blend out the fact that he just felt Richard’s tongue on his for the first time. “We did it!”

Richard contorts his face in disgust and rubs his hand over his mouth while making disgusted spitting sounds.

Taron’s heart drops and he pushes the breaks. He gets out of the car and walks straight to the car behind them. “I’m sorry, can we take a break?” he asks and gets a yes.

Richard gets out of the car as well and is confused. Where the hell did Taron go now? He follows him to the other car and hears how he asks for a break. He follows T who walks away quickly. “Taron.”

T stops walking and turns around slowly. “What?”

Richard watches him carefully. T looks pale and kind of sad. “Are you alright?”

“Yeah, sure, I’m fine.” Taron says quickly and turns around, continuing to walk away from him.

Rich quickly walks to him and grabs his arm turning him around. “T, what is wrong?” he looks into the eyes of his best friend that are brimmed with tears now. “Hey, what’s going on?” he asks and becomes softer seeing the tears in his eyes.

“Nothing. I-I just need to quit it for today. I’m fighting against the hangover.” he says without looking at Richard at all. With that, he quickly makes his way to an uber station and waits there while nervously playing with his hands.

“You’re lying to my face and think I’m going to believe you? I know you, Taron.” Rich sighs and leans against the house wall next to him.

“Do ya?” T spits out sour and looks the other way.

“Okay, you’re either gonna tell me what’s going on right now or we’re gonna go back and film the thing we signed a contract for.” Richard explains madly and pushes himself away from the wall. What the hell was going on right now? Did he do something wrong? They were messing around, having fun just as always.

Taron turns to him now with sadness in his eyes. “When I said I needed to feel a connection with you, I wasn’t lying. I enjoyed kissing you more than anything else and I fell in love with you.” He looks up at Richard now and the hurt in his eyes is slapping Richard in the face. “And now you’re sitting there being disgusted with it. I’m sorry if that’s too much and I need a break.” He bites his lip and feels the tears in his eyes starting to multiply quickly.

Richard steps forward and searches for words. “Taron, I-I had no idea and-.”

“Just forget it.” he says and gets into the uber closing the door loudly.

Rich stares at the leaving cab and sighs. “You fucking idiot.” He mumbles to himself and rubs his face groaning. He walks over to the director and his team to apologize to them. Rich tells them that T started feeling sick and nauseous. He says that he would take him home. They send him home without any further questions. Richard takes Taron’s car keys out of his trousers that T gave him when they changed in the car for filming. He sits down in his best friend’s car and shakes his head slightly. He wasn’t the only one with feelings.

Not long after that, he parks the car in front of Taron’s apartment and goes inside. Upstairs he presses the doorbell and waits anxiously. T opens the door and Rich can see that he had been crying. He knows those red puffy eyes and his slightly bitten lip all too well. “Hey…Can I come in?”

Taron shrugs his shoulder and bites his lower lip. “Don’t know.” He says in a shaky voice.

“Please? I really need to talk to you and I’ll leave as soon as you want me to. I promise.” Richard says begging and gets the keys out of his trousers. “And you forgot something on set.”

“Oh right, my car.” Taron takes them while mumbling a thank you and feels how the sadness comes back while seeing Richard in front of him. Strangely enough, he wants him to be here. “Okay, come in.” he says and steps aside.

“Thank you.” Richard says relieved and follows him into the living room. They sit down on the sofa, Taron on the opposite end with his legs tucked up to his chest. Richard’s heart breaks when he sees what he did to him. “Taron, about what happened earlier; I wasn’t disgusted at all, it was just fun or maybe protecting myself. You know about me but the public doesn’t and if our tongues touch and I continue… I don’t know what I was thinking.” Richard feels his heartbeat increasing and his stomach hurts just like every time something made him nervous in a bad way. He grabs Taron’s hand carefully and squeezes it. “I would never be disgusted of you, darling. If I’m being honest with you now I always thought you were straight and that’s why I didn’t read between the lines.”

Taron’s lips are quivering and big tears are rolling down his cheeks quickly. “It just hurt me, I guess.” He admits sniffling and presses his lips together.

Richard sits closer to him and cups his face. “Please don’t cry, love.” He whispers and tries to wipe away the tears that are rolling down from the beautiful bluish green eyes of his crush. “I’m so sorry that I hurt you. It wasn’t my intention to make you sad.” Rich feels how his own eyes fill with tears. It always hurt him when he saw Taron upset like that, but now he’s the reason why and it kills him.

Taron looks up into the deep blue eyes of the man he loves. He’s not sure if it’s because of his own tears but Rich looks like he’s crying as well. He can feel his thumbs stroking over his cheeks softly and his touches make him feel better. Then, he sees a tear rolling down Richard’s face. He lifts his hand hesitantly and wipes it away. “Shh, don’t cry.” He whispers and rubs his cheek.

“Taron, I’m in love with you as well.” He says and bites his lower lip. “I don’t know if it’s too late now but please give me a chance to make things right.”

Taron can see the shame, insecurity and guilt in Richard’s eyes. He can hear the pain in his voice and it breaks his heart to see how upset he can be because of hurting him. “You do? Love me.”

“Yes, I do.” He says and blinks his tears away.

“Didn’t know that.” Taron admits softly and looks deep into the now dark blue eyes of Richard.

“I should have been honest with you instead of pulling you in my arms the whole time and making it worse for both of us.” Richard says and wipes away the tear streaks on Taron’s cheeks.

“I should have been honest earlier as well.” He says and they sink into each other’s eyes.

“Please let me make you happy.” Rich begs whispering and strokes his thumb over Taron’s lips. They feel as good as he remembered.

“What do you mean?” Taron whispers back and enjoys feeling Richard’s thumb on his lips.

Rich leans forward and their lips barely touch. “I love you, Taron.” He murmurs.

“I love you,too.” He says and it feels so good to finally say it.

“I…Can I kiss you?” Richard asks anxiously and looks deep into Taron’s eyes after asking for permission.

T gets closer and closes his eyes. “God, yes, Rich.” He breathes out and not even a second later, he feels the full lips on his. He hums happily during the kiss and pulls him closer. Before he realizes what happens he gets pulled onto Richard’s lap and shares a deep and passionate kiss with him.

They break the kiss and Rich can see the joy and happiness in Taron’s eyes. “Oh, my love.” He whispers and pulls him back into a kiss.

Taron wraps his arms around his neck and breaks the kiss apart quickly. “Wanna stay here?” he asks with such a vulnerable tone that Rich wouldn’t even think about saying no.

“I would love to.” he says and gets a sweet and soft kiss from Taron for it.

@dreamingwolfthings @onceuponadetectivedemigod @primaba11erina @guns-n-marvel @shereighties @honkycrowley  @sarahegerton96 @multicoloredchicken

[writingformadderton]

Panic.

Ship: Madderton

Word Count: 4831

Summary: Richard suffers from panic attacks and is in a bad state of mind because of all the news going on regarding the virus. When he gets the flu, it freaks him out constantly and he’s on edge from not knowing if he got infected. Taron helps him through it while they wait for the results of the test.

Additional Tags: TRIGGER WARNING!!!!, panic attack, anxious, soft, crying, sickness, fighting, comfort

Author's note: Please don't read this if you're anxious because of the Corona Virus or struggling with panic because of it. And another important point is that Taron’s way to help Richard through panic attacks doesn't have to fit with everyone. Always make sure to ask how you can help, if touching is okay and so on. Please don't take this as a guide❤️

Taron steps inside the living room and sees Richard in front of the television. He is so caught up in the program that he doesn’t even notice T, who just came back home from a long day at work. T leans in a bit and sees it’s the news channel. The most dangerous program for someone like Richard during these times. No matter where you go, all you can hear is the word “Corona”. A few weeks ago, no one knew it even existed.

Growling softly, Taron walks closer to his boyfriend and grabs the remote, turning the television off. He looks down at Richard’s worried face, which seems to need a moment to process what just happened.

“Why did you turn it off?” Rich asks and looks up to him.

“I just came back home and I wanna spend some time with you, love.” Taron lies and sits down next to him. He leans forward and kisses him, meeting nothing but Richard’s unmoving lips.

“You never complain about the telly in the background.” Rich says and he feels bad, thinking he knows the answer already.

“Richard, come on.” T sighs and fondles over his hair, but stops when he sees the expression on Richard’s face.

“Why?” he asks firmly with cold blue eyes.

Taron huffs and avoids his look. He hates it when Richard’s eyes get all cold and dark, knowing he has a short fuse when someone hid something from him. “I just don’t want you to get worried or worse.” he says slowly.

“Seriously, T, you need to calm down. Not everything going on outside sends me straight into panic.” he says and feels his blood starting to boil. He knows he needs to calm down soon before he says something that would hurt Taron.

It happened often when Taron tried to protect him from his panic attacks. But it annoyed the hell out of him to have Taron building a bubble around him, it was like cutting him off from the world. Yes, he panicked easily, but he hated when T got too protective. It made him feel dumb, even though he would never say it that directly to Taron’s face. He knew it would make him feel useless then.

“Yeah I know, but we’re talking about a virus that is turning into a pandemic at the moment. People are dying and I seriously don’t know what will happen when they decide to lock down the city like they did in Italy already.” Taron says and he wonders to himself as he put the current events into words like this. He usually doesn’t around Richard and, by the look in his scared eyes, he remembers why he doesn’t.

“You think I don’t know that?” Richard growls annoyed and looks away from him. It did scare him. But not knowing what was going on was almost as bad as these bloody panic attacks in his mind.

“I’m just trying to protect you. Because sooner or later we will be affected by it as well. Direct or indirect.” T tries to soothe him and moves to grab his hand, wanting some physical contact between them.

“I don’t need your stupid protection. I’m not a child Taron.” He says angrily and sees how Taron leans away from him, hurt evident in his eyes.

“Fine.” Taron says and takes the remote, turning on the telly again. “Have fun with your crappy news. And don’t come and cry on my shoulder when it becomes too much to handle. Because I warned you.” He throws the remote back on the table and glances at some pictures of the current state of Italy shuffling over the screen. His own stomach turns seeing it and seeing Richard stare at it, stubborn and not letting him win, makes him roll his eyes a bit. Why couldn’t he just take it as it was and avoid these things?

“Fuck off.” Rich just groans.

“Are you serious right now?” Taron asks and folds his arms in front of him, curling his hands into fists, and clenching his jaw. He needs to let his anger out somehow and quick.

“Yes I am. For fucks sake, Taron! I don’t need you to babysit me and wrap me up in a blanket of lies and half true stories. Not everything is a trigger and not everything ends in me panicking. Just stop being overprotective of me and more annoying than my bloody mother.” He spits out in anger and stood up now. “Just back off.” he huffs and closes his eyes. “Please.”

Taron looks at him startled and bites his lower lip. His anger turns into hurt within a few seconds and he knows he needs to get out of this room. “Fine.” he presses out and swallows down his tears. He sees Richard’s look soften a bit. He noticed the change in his tone. Turning around, he walks out and slams the door behind him.

Richard feels his heart racing and doesn’t know if it’s because of the horrible pictures or Taron being upset. He doesn’t like it when Taron is this way, especially when it’s directed at him. It made him anxious, fearful of lose him. The loud noise of a slamming door sends a wave of panic through his body every single time. He turns off the television and sits back down on the sofa, staring out of the window.

Every time Taron and he get into a fight because of his panic attacks and possible triggers, he’s afraid he’ll hear him leaving. Sometimes when it gets too heated, Taron leaves for a walk or a drive to calm his nerves. On those days Richard curls up in bed, his stomach hurting from the fear, and counts the seconds until Taron gets home. Usually it ends in Taron wrapping him into his arms, apologizing, and promising him he won’t leave him permanently.

Taron sits down on bed heavily and leans against the pillow, tucking his legs up. He isn’t hungry anymore and he doesn’t want to spend the evening with Rich anymore. It would only end in tears today and he doesn’t want to make Richard cry and blame himself.

All he wants is what’s best for his boyfriend who panicked so easily. He wanted to protect him and he knows he goes too far sometimes. But at the moment, the news program was simply the worst Richard could do to himself.

When Richard comes upstairs and changes into a shirt to sleep, Taron turns towards the window and pulls the blanket closer to his body. Rich lies down and turns the lights out. He stares into the dark and bites his lower lip, caught up in his thoughts. After a while of breathing deeply and lying still, his normal remedy to calm down, he hears T sniffing next to him.

Fuck, he made him cry. That was even worse than a fight and slamming doors. He hates seeing him cry and being the reason for it.

Richard turns onto his side and carefully rubs over Taron’s arm who lies on his side, curled up into himself. His boyfriend flinches under his touch and Rich bites his lip, feeling his throat tightening at it. “Taron.” he whispers and T doesn’t react, just tries to stifle his cries with his hand in front of his mouth. “I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings. I’m so sorry.” he says and squeezes his waist softly. Still no response. “Taron?” he tries again softly, fear welling up inside him.

“Mm?” T hums and bites his lips at the sadness in his boyfriend’s voice.

“I know I was very harsh today. I didn’t mean to be.” Richard apologizes.

“s’Okay. Jus’ had a long day. Tired.” Taron mumbles and pats his hand shortly before curling up more. He wasn’t just tired. It hurt him to hear that the only thing he could do, was what Richard hated.

“Don’t try to lie to me just because I can’t see your face.” Rich mumbles and carefully leans over him. He fondles his cheeks and feels their wetness. “Heard you crying, love.” he whispers and Taron just nods slowly. He reaches over him and turns on his bedside lamp. Looking down at his boyfriend, he sees his red puffy eyes, his bitten lower lip and his red cheeks. His heart breaks a little seeing what he did to him and he pulls back, lying down next to him.

Taron turns over to face him and give him a chance to talk. “It’s okay. I know I can be a real pain in the ass sometimes.”

“It’s not okay and you’re not.” Richard says firmly and tries to make eye contact, which isn’t easy at the moment.

“Yes I am. Otherwise you wouldn’t have told me that straight to my face today.” Taron mumbles and swallows, thinking back on it.

“It wasn’t fair to do so. You’re just trying to keep me safe. I know my panic attacks aren’t fun for you either.” He grabs his hand and squeezes it softly. “I’m really thankful for every time you help me and I know I can be difficult sometimes.”

“I know it’s not easy, just- please don’t be mad when I’m trying to protect you. It’s the only thing I’m good at.” T says and shrugs his shoulders, looking at him again.

“I said don’t lie to me.” Rich whispers and fondles over his knuckles. “You’re amazing at so many things.”

“I just want you to be okay, Richie.” he whispers and looks at him with a weak smile. “Even when you get mad at me for it.”

Richard scoops him into his arms and presses a tiny kiss onto his forehead. “I know, I’m sorry.”

When Taron’s alarm blares through the room the next morning, both of them wake up with a groan. T turns around and shuts it off annoyed and falls back into his pillow, drifting off again.

………………………….

Ten minutes later, Richard turns towards him and rocks his shoulder a bit. “T, you need to get up.”

“I don’t need to do shit.” he says and rolls away from him.

“You’re gonna be late for work.” Rich groans and closes his eyes again. He feels Taron shifting next to him and grunts softly as T crawls in his lap and lies down on him.

“I don’t care.” he growls and buries his face in Richard’s shirt.

“I’m gonna kick you out of bed.” he mumbles and grabs him by the waist. “Come on you’re gonna be late.” he rolls him off and Taron whines softly. “Get your lazy ass out of bed right now.” he says firmly and pats his bum softly.

T lifts his head and opens his sleepy eyes. “Fuck off.” he moans and smacks his arm. “I’m quitting today, I’m sick.”

“Wha-?” Taron presses his hand into Richard’s mouth and calls his director. He tells her he is feeling really bad today and will stay at home. He fake coughs and says goodbye when she wishes him to get better soon.

“I should drive you there personally to apologize for your lie.” Rich groans and turns onto his stomach, hiding his face in the pillows.

“Don’t pretend you wouldn’t mind me staying home, dumbass.” Taron just says and lifts the blanket, lying on top of Rich. He buries his face in his back and closes his eyes.

Taron wakes up when Richard starts whimpering underneath him. He rolls away from him lazily and rubs his face before looking at his boyfriend. Richard grabbed the sheets and pants into his pillow. “Rich, wake up.” he says and rocks his shoulder a bit. Richard pants his name and curls up, whining. Taron has seen this a thousand times before. He was panicking in his sleep. “Richard.” he says a bit louder and rocks him again.

Richard rolls on his back and shakes his head. “No.” he whines and Taron can see the panic in his face.

“Richard, you need to wake up.” Taron starts fondling over his hair, trying to calm him down in his sleep. “It’s a bad dream, you just have to wake up. It’s okay.”

Rich squirms on bed and wakes up quickly. He turns onto his side and curls up, starting to cry.

Taron lies down next to him and starts fondling over his hair. “Shh, it’s okay. You’re back.” Richard reaches out for him and Taron wraps him into a hug. “It’s okay, Richie.”

“Taron.” he presses out and clings onto him.

“I’m here.” Taron says and rubs his back smoothly. “Everything is okay.”

………………………

A few days later, Taron leaves for work early and feels a bit bad about leaving Richard alone. He didn’t look so good this morning, but assured him everything is fine.

After working on set for a few hours, he spends his lunchbreak watching the news. It was important to stay updated no matter if it affected you in a bad way and made you panicked or depressed. He checks up on Rich, who’s voice sounds a bit raspy but Taron just leave it as it is.

When he comes home in the evening, he finds Rich curled up under the blanket in their bed. Taron frowns and walks over to him. “Hey, are you okay?” he asks softly and sits down at the edge of the bed.

“Yeah, just a bad headache and my throat hurts.” he says and looks up at him tiredly.

Taron strokes his hair back and frowns a bit. “I think you’re running a fever, love.”

“What?” Richard asks shocked and his eyes widen a bit.

“Yeah… You’re probably having the flu.” Taron says calmly and gets up to get the thermometer. He sticks it in both of Richard’s ears and nods. “104°, I’m gonna run you a bath.” he looks down at Richard and suddenly sees the fear in his eyes. “What’s wrong?”

“I- Are you sure I’m just having the flu?”

“Well I’m not a doctor but I mean it’s flu season and-Richard you’re just sick.” Taron says and suddenly gets it. Was it about the virus?

“Mm okay.” Richard just mumbles tiredly.

……………………………..

Taron throws Richard’s clothes into the laundry machine and changes the sheets. He rearranges and disinfects the pillows and gets a glass of water. Taron grabs a shirt and a pair of boxers for Richard and returns to the bathroom. He washes Richard’s hair and dries him with a towel. Richard stumbles a bit as he tries to get into his shirt and boxers and Taron sits him down on a chair. He dries his hair and helps him back to bed. “I’ll go for a quick shower and make you some soup, alright?” Rich nods and Taron presses a soft kiss onto his forehead.

Richard looks out of the window and bites his lips. What if he got the virus and this wasn’t just a usual flu? Don’t panic. Taron is here.

His boyfriend comes back with a bowl of soup after his shower and sits behind him while he plays with his hair. When he’s finished, he cuddles into Taron and grabs his hand. He coughs a bit and sinks down, placing his head on Taron’s thigh.

“You need a pillow. This can’t be comfortable.” T speaks softly.

“This can’t be comfortable.” he mocks him and pats his thigh lovingly. “Bullshit.”

Taron just giggles and watches him drift off slowly. “Okay, you need to lie sitting up a bit, that helps with the cough.” he says and slips away from underneath Richard, who groans in protest. He adjusts him into the pillows and lies down next to him. “You should sleep.”

Richard nods and coughs roughly before pulling up the blanket. Taron plays with his hair and he feels himself getting more and more tired.

……………………………….

When Taron wakes up the a few days later, he can’t move from his spot and looks down confused. Richard clings onto him in his sleep, his face buried in his ribs. T sighs a bit and pats his hand. “I have to go to work, love.” he yawns. Richard just mumbles in his sleep and lets go off him, curling up. Taron wraps him into the blanket and gets up tiredly.

Richard’s fever got worse, going up and down all the time leaving him burning up or shivering cold. His cough is still rough and sounds painful. His eyes are teary and his nose is blocked. It all got worse over the last few days but Taron knows it does with a flu. It always gets worse before it gets better. He continues to get ready for his day as Richard tried to sleep peacefully again.

……………………………….

Taron is on set for two hours when he gets a phone call. After finishing a take, one of the assistants bring him his phone, telling him it’s Richard. He thanks her and takes the call. “Hey, how are you feeling today?”

“I-I don’t feel good at all. Can you come home?”

Richard’s voice is wavering and shaky, and Taron can hear him sniffing.

Taron rubs his face and looks down at his watch. One hour to go “What’s going on?” But Rich gasps for air and whines a bit. Shit, he was panicking again. “I’ll be home in ten minutes, I promise.” He assures his lover and hangs up. T tells his assistant it’s an emergency and she nods understanding. She worked with Taron long enough to know what’s going on and tells the crew T had to leave for a family emergency.

…………………………………

Taron rushes upstairs and finds Richard on the bathroom floor. His boyfriend is pale, gasping for air, pure panic painted on his face. He sits in the corner of the room, his legs tugged up. “Rich?” he asks lowly and comes close very slow.

Richard looks at him with tears in his eyes and his stomach hurts bad. “I’m sorry-I-I thought i-it would b-be okay.” he barely gets out and shakes heavy.

Taron nods and crouches down. “I know. Is it okay if I touch you?” he makes sure.

There were days where Rich needed a tight hug and cuddles to calm down. On others he needed to be alone and didn’t want to be touched at all. But right now, he nods hastily and tears threaten to fall down his cheeks.

Taron rubs his shoulder lovingly and moved Richard’s sweaty hair away from his eyes. He doesn’t know if it’s the fever or an effect of the panic attack. “I need you to take deep breaths with me now, Rich. Can you do that for me?” he asks softly.

Richard nods and focuses on his boyfriend. He tries to follow his breathing and feels how tight his chest is. “I can’t.” he presses out and tries to breathe. “I’m going to die.”

“Breathe, Richard.” Taron says firmly and reaches up to the sink, covering a wash cloth in cold water and pressing it out a bit.

Richard starts sobbing now and desperately tries to get air into his lungs. Deep down he knows he is able to breathe, but the panic coats everything and makes him believe that he really can’t.

“Shh, it’s okay. Breathe in.” Taron does it with him. “Aand out.” Richard’s eyes watch his lips as if his life is depending on it. Taron wipes his face a bit, trying to cool him down and keeps on breathing to guide him into a steady rhythm.

Richard feels his lungs opening up slowly and relaxes a bit. He leans his head against the wall behind him and wraps his arms around himself, shivering. He closes his eyes and listens to his racing heart trying to calm down. Taron’s hand is still resting on his shoulder, a simple gesture to show him he’s there, right by his side. Richard places his hand on Taron’s and opens his eyes. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.” Taron shakes his head and sits down on his knees now.

“I’m - I feel like shit today.” he admits and looks down at his knees. T remains silent, so Richard looks up to him, seeing the worry in his beautiful eyes. “I don’t know if it’s just a flu and it freaks me out with all this shit going on outside.”

“It’s okay. You’re not the only one who feels anxious and scared at the moment.” Taron rubs his knee gently. “But you won’t be alone the next few weeks. I’ll stay at home.”

“You need to work.” Richard urges and looks at him confused.

Taron shakes his head sighing. “No, I don’t. They decided to lockdown the city to stop the spreading of infections, which means we’ll have to stay at home anyways.”

“Oh.” Richard mumbles and feels a bit of relief flowing through his body. Having Taron around assured him at least that he wasn’t alone. “I know this sounds stupid but can we let me get tested?” he asks in a tiny shy voice. He feels so stupid asking this.

“I’ll call your doctor later, okay?” Taron says with a compassionate smile and fondles over his hair. “I have to take a shower. You wanna join me and cool down a bit?”

Rich nods and they get up, undress themselves and step into the shower. Taron turns the water to the cooler side and wraps Richard into a hug. The cold water runs down his boyfriend’s heating body and cools him down slowly. Taron shampoos his hair and body, doing the same with Rich afterwards.

Taron gets some sweatpants and a shirt for Richard, and the same for himself. They get dressed and Taron dries their hair, taking his time with Richard in soft movements and motions.

As soon as he’s done, Richard walks into the bedroom. He lies down and curls up, closing his eyes. He hears Taron stepping out of the bathroom and feels his hand stroking over his hair.

“I’ll go and call your doctor. Try and get some rest, love.” he says and Richard nods weakly. T grabs his phone from the floor. He threw it along with his jacket when he rushed in earlier. Closing the bedroom door behind him, he makes his way downstairs. There were days where Richard needed his full attention after a panic attack, cuddles, kisses, being held and wrapped up in a blanket. But on other days when it happened Richard needed space, some time for himself and often thinking everything over and over again. Those were the hardest days.

Taron dials the number of Richard’s doctor and explains the situation to him. He tells him that he thinks it’s just the flu but it’s freaking Rich out. The doctor, knowing of Richard’s attacks, agrees on an appointment to take the test tomorrow. T walks back upstairs and knocks before opening the door carefully.

Richard sits on bed and has his face buried in his knees. His shoulders are shaking and Taron can hear him crying.

Taron sits down at the edge of the bed and looks at his sobbing boyfriend. “You wanna be alone for a bit?” he asks softly. Richard shakes his head and sniffs. “Okay, then I’ll stay right here.” he hesitantly places his hand on his back and rubs it slowly. “Is that okay?”

Richard sits up straight and looks at him with quivering lips and red puffy eyes. “I’m sorry. If I listened to you a few days ago, I wouldn’t be so panicked about this all.” T remains silent and watches him thinking. “I know it’s my own fault and I’m pulling you into my shit again.”

“Richard, it’s alright. You wanna know what’s going on in the world and I get that. Maybe it would be better if I update you from time to time if there is something important.” he suggests and watches him biting his lower lip.

Richard nods before he starts crying again and reaches out for Taron. The Welsh sits down next to him and leans back into the pillow. He lifts his arm and Richard rests his head on his chest, turning onto his side. T plays with his hair calmingly while they tangle their hands on his chest. “I just don’t wanna die, T. I wanna stay here with you.”

“Love, you won’t die. I promise you it’s just a flu and you’ll be better in one or two weeks.” T soothes him and leans down to kiss him on his hair.

“What if it’s not? I damaged my lungs enough already with all the smoking.” he presses out and cuddles tightly into Taron.

“You’re gonna be okay. We’re gonna go to your doctor tomorrow and everything will be alright.” Taron says.

……………………………..

That night, Richard rolls around in his sleep, his body heats up from the fever, and panics three times. Taron tries his best to calm him down and get him back to sleep. The fever is high and Richard is in a kind of delirious state, so Taron tries his best to cool him down.

T eventually falls asleep, completely exhausted. His side of the bed is occupied with a wash cloth, a water bottle for Rich, his cough medicine, and the thermometer.

When Richard wakes up in the morning, he sees how exhausted Taron looks, even in his sleep, and bites his lower lip. Fuck. He sits up and collects all the stuff Taron needed for him last night and wraps him into the blanket, stroking his hair lovingly. Rich sinks back into his pillow with a terrible headache and massages his temples. This shit was getting worse with every passing day and he hates it.

…………………………………..

Coming back from the doctor, Taron falls asleep at the kitchen table after putting a pot of soup on the stove. Richard comes home ten minutes later and sees the soup spilling from the pot and his sleeping boyfriend. He turns the heat down and carries Taron into the living room, lying him down on the couch. Rich eats his soup and sits down on the sofa, placing Taron’s head on a pillow on his lap. He looks down at him, playing with his hair and fondling his cheek.

Taron wakes up after a while, groaning a bit, and rubs his face. He turns onto his back and looks up at Rich. “Fuck the soup!” he jumps up but gets pulled onto Richard’s lap.

“Already handled it. You needed some sleep.” Rich says and kisses his cheek.

“Yeah.” he sighs and closes his eyes again, cuddling into him. It felt good to be the one held from time to time and he knows Rich needed it as well. “I love you, Rich.” he mumbles into his chest.

“Love you too, T.” Rich says and fondles over his hair with a soft smile.

………………………………………

A few days later, they get a call from Richard’s doctor, confirming it’s just a flu. As soon as the call ends, Richard walks downstairs to Taron, who was in the kitchen making Richard a tea. He wraps his arms around him and places soft kisses onto his neck.

T giggles and turns around in his embrace. “What’s going on?”

“Just a flu.” Richard mumbles and buries his face in the crook of his neck. Taron just places a kiss in his hair and Richard loves him for it. There was no “I told you.” or “If you’d listened to me.”. Just understanding and shared happiness. “Thank you.”

“For what?” T looks down at him and meets Richard’s baby blue eyes as he looks up.

“For being here and not thinking I’m overreacting.” he says and smiles a bit.

“I will always be here for you, even when I’m mad or upset.” he giggles and places a tiny kiss onto his forehead.

“Soo, a few weeks of quarantine, huh?” Rich says and rolls his eyes. “Gonna be boring as fuck.”

“Well our first priority is getting you healthy again. And then I bet something will come to our mind to occupy our time.” he strokes down his back. “And you’re just as much a sucker for lazy cuddle days as I am.”

“No appointments, no stressed running around, no flights. Just you and I.”

“Exactly. Let’s make the best out of it.” T winks at him and smiles.

Richard grabs his neck and kisses him lovingly and it only takes a second to feel Taron’s hands on his cheeks, cupping his face as sweetly as ever. “I can imagine worse things than being trapped at home with the one I love.”

“Oh me too.” Taron laughs softly and looks up to him.

Rich bops his nose softly and kisses him one last time before resting his forehead against Taron’s. “I love you so fucking much.”

And Taron just pulls him close, his eyes fully fixated on his lover before he kisses him again. No need for words.

@taron-eggmcmuffin @anxiety-at-the-classroom @maddertonmyheart @madderton-obsessed @sarahegerton96 @primaba11erina @naptitimadderton @multicoloredchicken

[writingformadderton]

I know I’ll always be safe with you

Ship: Madderton

Word Count: 4096

Summary: Taron loses his best friend to a car accident and sinks into a deep sadness. It’s a rough time for him and Richard, who tries to guide him through it. Taron tends to forget to take care of himself when he is sad and it escalates when Richard comes back home from a shoot. 

Additional Tags: angst, sad, car accident, loss, mention of death, fluff, soft, throwing up, passing out, smut, comfort

Taron’s fingers are shaking heavily as he takes a deep draw of his cigarette. “Fuck.” he mumbles and leans against the cold brick wall of the house. He’s shaking and he doesn’t know if it’s because of the cold or because of all the emotions he feels. His vision is blurred and there’s a loud ringing tone in his ear, like every time the stress level in his body becomes too much.

The door behind him opens and his boyfriend steps out onto the balcony. “Jesus christ, T. You’re gonna catch a cold out here.” Richard wraps his arms around himself and shivers. The whole city is covered in snow and it’s freaking cold, but Taron sits outside with a thin sweater on, which was strange because Taron is always freezing.

“Don’t care.” he just says and stares at the falling snow.

Rich frowns and takes a step towards him. What was wrong? He sees the smoke coming out of Taron’s mouth as he takes another draw. “Thought you quit?” Richard says and frowns slightly. What happened today?

“Things change.” Taron states and inhales the smoke deeply shaking slightly.

Rich lies his hand on Taron’s shoulder and looks down at him. “Are you alright?” he asks unnecessarily knowing he isn’t.

“No.” Taron grabs his hand and sighs. He feels his throat getting tight and the tears well up in his eyes again.

Richard wraps his arms around him from behind and rests his chin on Taron’s shoulder. “Wanna talk about it?” T shakes his head and presses his lips together. “That’s okay.” Rich assures him and takes the cigarette out of Taron’s hand, putting it out. He presses a kiss to his cheek and Taron grabs his hands in front of his chest. “I’m here.”

“Please promise me you’ll take care whenever you’re driving somewhere.” Taron suddenly says and his voice is shaking.

Richard frowns and pulls back a bit. “What?”

Taron turns towards him and his blueish green eyes are brimming with tears. “Please.”

Richard nods quickly. “I promise.” he watches Taron confused and takes his hand. “Is it because of my car accident a few months ago, love?” he softly strokes over Taron’s knuckles and bites his lip. Seems like Taron gave everything to make him feel better but forgot to deal with it himself.

Taron shakes his head and a tear falls down his cheek. “A friend of mine died in a car accident yesterday. His brother called me twenty minutes ago.” he finally explains and stares down on his lap.

Richard sits down heavily on the chair next to his boyfriend. “Shit, T. I’m so sorry.” he rambles and looks over to him.

Taron just shrugs his shoulders and presses his lips together. “And yes, I’m thinking about yours again. I-.” he bites his lip and tries to hold back his crying. “I still have this picture of you lying in my lap full of blood and nearly passing out while vomiting. I-I could have lost you back then.” he says and tears roll down his cheeks. The thought of it terrifies him daily since then and he still gets nervous whenever Rich is driving.

“I’m sorry love, I promise I’ll take care.” he assures him and grabs his hand. His thumb rubs soft circles over his knuckles.

“The thing is… you did and a car just crashed into you out of nowhere. You were innocent and paid for it by getting a concussion, fear and nightmares.” Taron rubs his face and takes a deep breath. “I’m sorry, Rich. Don’t wanna cause any painful memories.”

 "Let’s get inside, huh?“ he asks after a while and T gets up while sniffing. Richard closes the balcony door behind them and tries to sort his thoughts. What should he say or do that would make Taron feel better? He looks at T and sees him shaking and starting to cry. “Come here, love.” Richard says and opens his arms, welcoming Taron in a warm hug. The Welsh buries his face in his neck and starts sobbing while holding tightly onto Rich. Richard remains silent while rubbing his back and tries to comfort him a bit. This wasn’t something that would be okay again, that wouldn’t get better. It was just over and T had to live with it. “I’m so sorry, darling.” he whispers.

“Not your fault, Rich.” Taron mumbles and presses himself closer to Rich, needing his touch and comfort now. The scent of his cologne, his warm breath against his tremble, his back beneath his fingertips. His safe place where he can let down his defenses and show his feelings without being judged. He stops sobbing and looks up at him. Staring into Richard’s blue eyes, he feels fear creeping up. “I don’t wanna lose you too.” he finally speaks and feels relieved.

Richard swallows hard and tries to blink away his own tears. Seeing Taron crying makes him emotional every time. “You won’t. I’m here.” he says and looks deeply into Taron’s sad puppy dog eyes.

“But for how long?” Taron chokes out and tears fall down his cheeks again. He shakes his head and presses his lips together. “I’m such an idiot.” he groans and lets go of Richard.

“You’re not an idiot.” Richard says and watches him carefully. Knowing he has to watch his words, he bites his lower lip. Anything he says could make Taron sad, mad, or whatever.

“Yes I am.” Taron says loudly and turns away from Rich for a second.

“Taron.”

“What?!” he shouts at the top of his lungs and turns towards him again. “My best friend died and I’m here worrying about us. I should be ashamed of myself for fucks sake!  He doesn’t deserve someone like me.” his breathing got quicker and his hands are now curled up into fists. His whole body is trembling with anger and sadness and big tears fall down from his face.

Richard takes a deep breath and rubs his face. How should he calm Taron down and tell him that it’s okay to be sad and confused or worried about others? “It’s okay. You are sad right now, just let it out.”

Taron buries his face in his hands and shakes his head. “No, no, no. I don’t want to. I want him back.” he whines. Suddenly Taron jumps towards the wall and punches his fist into it. “Fuck!” he does it over and over again.

“T, stop.” Richard says seriously and walks closer to him. His boyfriend continues to punch the wall and curse. “Taron! Stop it!” he shouts and wraps his arms around him from behind. T squirms in his arms and tries to free himself. Rich pulls him away from the wall and tries to calm him down. “Taron, stop. You’re gonna hurt yourself.”

T shakes his head and starts punching his arm. “Let go of me!” he starts crying heavily again.

Richard turns him towards him and holds him at his shoulders rocking him slightly. “Taron! Look at me.”

Taron just shakes his head and tries to get away from him again. He tries to get some distance between them and slaps Richard in the face by accident. T immediately stops fighting against his grip and looks down at the floor shocked. “I’m sorry.” he presses out.

 "Look at me.“ he says urgently and tries to calm his own racing heart. His cheek is burning, but he blends out the pain completely, focusing on his upset lover. T slowly lifts his head and Richard looks into deep blueish green eyes that are filled with tears. "Don’t you ever do that again.” he pants a little and takes a step back. “You hear me?”

“I’m sorry Rich, I didn’t want to hurt you.” Taron says quietly and wipes away his tears.

“What? No, I didn’t mean that. Look at your fucking hand!” Richard says and grabs his hand to show it to him.

“Oh.” T stares down at his destroyed hand. His fingers are open and bleeding. The shock leaves his body a bit and he feels a sharp pain in his whole hand. “Shit.” he mumbles and contorts his face.

“Okay.” Richard sighs and rubs his face. “Let me take care of this.” he says and pulls Taron behind him into the bathroom. He turns on warm water and holds Taron’s hand underneath it, washing away the blood. Richard cleans his hands and wraps a gauze around it to keep it from getting dirty. As soon as Rich finishes, Taron buries his face in his hands and starts sobbing again. “Come here.”

This time T lets him and buries his face in his chest. “I’m sorry, Rich.”

“It’s okay, bub.” Richard assures him and rubs his back softly trying to calm him a bit. They stay like that for a while until T stops crying and just leans against Rich completely exhausted.

On this particular night, Richard lies awake for a while because he wants to be sure that Taron is sleeping in peace. After what feels like hours, Taron finally falls asleep and turns calmer. Richard allows himself to drift away to sleep.

Suddenly a really loud crash can be heard and Richard wakes up rapidly, not knowing what it was. Then he hears the heavy rain and the light flashes shortly through their bedroom. Okay, just thunder, he thinks to himself. He wants to drift back to sleep again when he hears Taron turning around letting out a whine. Richard sits up and turns on the little bedside lamp. “Hey baby, are you alright?”

Taron just shakes his head and comes closer, searching for his boyfriend. “I’m sorry. Got a new wave of sadness coming over me.”

“Can I do something for you?” Rich asks and grabs his hand carefully.

“Hold me please.” T whispers and crawls into Richard’s open arms. He curls up against his chest and holds him tight. Rich runs his fingers through his hair and he feels himself getting calm and he falls back asleep.

“It’s for five days, I’m gonna be back soon.” Richard says and holds Taron close in his arms. He’s heading off to LA for some organization stuff.

“Don’t want you to go.” T mumbles into his shoulder and holds him closer.

Richard presses a kiss into his hair. “I know, bub. And I’m sorry that I have to leave you alone now.” he wasn’t just sorry, he’s worried. Taron barely ate the last few days and needed help with everything. He completely sunk into a deep sadness after losing his best childhood friend.

Taron looks up at him with sad eyes. “I know.” he sighs and stands on his toes kissing Richard tenderly. “Take care, love.”

“I will.” Richard kisses him softly and grabs his neck. “Don’t forget to eat something and no smoking, you hear me?” he says and pulls back looking at him warningly.

“I’m not a baby, thank you.” T says a bit annoyed and rolls his eyes.

“I never said that, darling. But we both know you’re having a shitty time right now.” Rich explains and looks at his watch. Time to go. He grabs his suitcase and waits for Taron’s answer.

“Yeah I know. I’m fine I guess.” T sighs and folds his arms in front of his chest. He doesn’t want Richard to go because he’s right. Taron got nothing done by himself the last few days and he knows it.

Richard takes his hand and pulls him close. “I’m just worried about you okay? It’s not that I think you’re unable to do something on your own.”

“I know.” T pulls him into his arms and presses his nose against Richard’s. “Don’t worry, I’ll be okay. I’m gonna call you every day. I promise.”

Richard sinks into a long kiss and strokes his cheek. “Okay. I love you, bub.” he opens the door and steps out on the icy street.

“I love you too, angel eyes.” Taron says and smiles weakly. He’s gonna miss his boyfriend so much for those five days.

Five days later, Richard gets home and closes the door behind him. T looked tired and pale in all the video calls they had and Richard’s nerves were on edge because of it. As T didn’t react to his appearance, Richard walks up the stairs with a racing heart. Was he okay? He opens the door to their bedroom and finds him curled up in the blankets sleeping peacefully. Rich watches him in awe and walks over to him.

Taron wakes up when he recognizes Richard’s well known cologne next to him and smiles. “Hey, you’re back.” he mumbles a bit and grabs his hand lazily.

“Yeah.” Richard crawls in bed behind him and buries his face in his back. He’s tired and the jetlag sets in heavily.

“My tired baby.” T smirks and turns towards Richard. His fingers stroke back a single curl hanging in his boyfriend’s face and they go down to his full lips. “Wanna sleep a bit?”

Rich hums a yes and curls up in his arms and closes his eyes. He smells Taron’s sweet scent and feels his beating heart next to him. Rich listens to the sound of his breathing and slowly drifts off knowing this would be the deepest sleep he had in a week.

T strokes the back of his head and feels the cute un-styled curls under his fingers. He looks at Richard’s peaceful face and sees the jumper he’s wearing. It’s Tarons favorite and he gave it to Rich when he left. Taron can’t hide a wide smile and he watches him in awe. “God, I hope I’ll never lose you.” T whispers and presses a kiss to his forehead.

“You won’t.” Richard mumbles and opens his eyes. He kisses him softly and wraps his arms around him. They stay in bed cuddling for a while and enjoy being together again.

Richard watches Taron observantly while eating dinner. He wants to find out if Taron ate anything the last few days and his worries increase as T is eating really slowly and staring at it most of the time. “Are you okay? You’re barely eating anything.”

Taron looks up and smiles weakly. “I’m alright, just not that hungry.”

“Okay then.” Rich says and takes his glass of water.

T finishes his plate because he doesn’t want to worry his boyfriend. He feels his whole body protesting against it but still goes on.

After a while that they spent cuddling on the sofa, T lets out a moan and wraps his arms around his stomach. Rich looks down at him. “What’s wrong?”

“I feel sick.” he whines and buries his face in Richard’s chest. The pain in his stomach gets worse and he moans quietly.

Richard wraps his arms around him and watches him worriedly. So he was right, Taron didn’t eat anything at all. Now his stomach wasn’t used to food and protested against a full plate. “You’re gonna throw up?” Rich asks and softly rubs his arm.

“Don’t know.” T mumbles and hides in his chest.

“You wanna drink something?”

“No, I-.” Taron retches and jumps up, rushing to the bathroom.

Richard follows him slowly and finds him throwing up violently. He crouches down and rubs Taron’s back. “Let it out.” he sighs and rubs his face.

Taron stops and flushes it down. He pants and gets up slowly washing his hands and drinking some water. Without saying anything, he pulls Richard in an embrace and leans his head against his shoulder.

Richard softly rubs his back and looks down at him. “So, when were you gonna tell me that you didn’t eat anything the last few days?”

“I did.” T tries to convince him weakly and pulls back a bit.

“Don’t lie to me, Taron. You know I hate that!” Richard says with a warning look in his eyes.

“I know you worry about me, but I can take care of myself.” T groans and rolls his eyes while leaving the bathroom.

“Well you clearly can’t.” Rich says harshly but bites his lip afterwards immediately. He has to be careful with T at the moment and telling him what he is doing bad isn’t good at all.

“Wow. Fuck you.” Taron spits out and walks into the living room. He wipes away the tears from throwing up quickly and pulls down the sleeves of his hoodie.

“I’m sorry, T. I just think you’re unstable at the moment and need some comfort.” Richard admits and plays with his hands.

“Right, because comfort will make this better.” T says and walks outside towards their front door.

“Taron, I can’t help you if you don’t let me!” he groans and follows him closely.

Taron turns around and his eyes are brimming with tears again. “I. Don’t. Need. Your. Help.” his lips are trembling heavy. “I’m gonna go for a drive. Need to clear my head.” he says and his voice cracks while he grabs his jacket.

“Taron, please don’t do this.” Rich says and takes Taron’s jacket into his hands.

T has gotten paler the last couple of seconds and he’s shaking a bit. “Why? Am I not allowed to go outside anymore or what?” he asks angrily and walks past Richard. He needs to sit down somewhere and calm his sweating body and the dizziness he feels.

“I don’t think it’s a good idea to drive a car when you’re upset. I can go upstairs if you want to be alone.” Rich suggests sadly and stares down at his hands before raising his head again.

“I’m gonna be ok-fuck.” Taron stumbles and tries to catch himself at the table but crashes on it fully. He groans and collapses onto the floor.

“Taron!” Rich shouts shocked and rushes over to his unconscious boyfriend. He turns him onto his back and pats his cheeks carefully. “Come on, wake up. Come back to me, T.”

Taron groans loudly and gasps for air when he gets back. “Wha-What happened?” he asks mumbling and presses one hand to his forehead. The world around him is turning a bit and his vision is full of black little dots.

“You passed out.” Richard says.

Taron can hear his boyfriend talking but can’t really see him. He gives in and closes his eyes while taking deep breaths. “I’m fucking dizzy.”

“Take your time.” Rich says low-voiced and grabs his hand and is squeezing it to show him he’s right by his side. They stay there for a while, both remaining silent. Richard’s throat is tight and he tries to calm his racing heart. The last few days were tough and now this happened. He really has to look after Taron better, like he should.

Taron sits up slowly and buries his head in his hands as he’s groaning. “Did I really pass out?” he asks and looks up.

“Mm.” Richard doesn’t even look him in the eyes, trying to hold back his own feelings and fears.

Taron hesitantly takes his hand into his and squeezes it slightly. “I didn’t want to scare you.” he whispers. “I knew you would be worried and that’s why I didn’t tell you that I haven’t eaten anything in a week.”

“Mm.” he just hums and blinks away the upcoming tears.

Taron lifts up Richard’s chin and looks into deep blue eyes that are filled with worry, sadness, and a hint of panic. “Rich?”

“Hm?”

“I’m sorry, I totally ignored how this is for you.” Taron hesitates shortly before he lays his hand on Richard’s cheeks and strokes it with his thumb. “I’m really sorry, love.”

“It’s okay.” he sighs and takes Taron’s hand to place a kiss on it. It is useless to argue about those things now, it would only push T deeper into his sadness. “You’re okay?”

“Yeah, but I just realized how uncomfortable our floor is to sit on.” T says and can’t stop himself from giggling shortly.

“You’re such a dumbass sometimes!” Rich chuckles and leans forward to kiss him. Their lips meet and Taron cups his face while Rich grabs his neck. “Let’s get you upstairs.”

“Only if you’re coming with me.” T mumbles into the kiss and Rich hums a yes.

They fall down on their bed while sharing needy kisses and holding each other closely. Soft moans from both cut through the silence and heavy panting as they roll around on the bed, fighting for the upper position. When Richard lies on top again, Taron wraps his legs around his waist and kisses him passionately. “You’re in for some make-up sex?” T asks cheekily before grabbing Richard’s ass shortly.

“We didn’t have a fight.” Richard chuckles and leaves kisses all over his face. He knows this won’t work because Taron was the kind of person that needed to feel something good after a shitty time.

“Don’t care.” T groans harshly and bites his lower lip.

“You’re sure?” Rich asks moaning a bit and kisses him tenderly.

“Mm.” Taron rolls them around and pushes himself up. He tugs at Richard’s sweatpants and pulls them down quickly.

“T, slow down.” Richard says but can’t hold back a moan when Taron’s lips meet his thigh and start sucking on it.

“I’m starving.” Taron groans and bites him softly before pulling down the boxers of his boyfriend.

“Well, I don’t think that I’m able to stop that with sex, darling.” Richard chuckles and shakes his head slightly.

“Wasn’t talking about food.” Taron smirks and takes Richard into his mouth. His tongue swirls around his cock and his hands grab his thighs. “Let me take care of you now.”

“Taron-oh God.” Rich groans and bucks his hips up as T starts to work on his dick. T knows exactly how to treat him and makes him lose his mind slowly. He tangles his fingers in Taron’s fluffy hair and his head falls back onto the pillow while a loud groan is escaping his lips. He squirms underneath Taron’s actions and gasps for air when he bites him.

Taron knows how to push Richard to his limit and enjoys doing exactly that. It was his way to apologize for all the mess he made the last days. Sliding his right hand under Richard’s shirt, he softly rubs his belly showing him how good he does. He feels his own cock aching and starts grinding his lap into the mattress trying to get some friction going.

Richard notices and stops him softly. “Just fill me and do it for both of us.”

T does as he says and they share hungry kisses moaning loudly into each other’s mouths. They come together in pure bliss and Taron collapses on him before pulling out completely. Richard cleans them both up before pulling him into the bathroom with him. They share a warm shower and slip into bed afterwards. After a while of cuddling, Taron looks up at him. “I’m sorry for everything that happened, Rich.”

Rich is running his fingers through Taron’s hair and stops. “Just like I said, it’s okay. We’re gonna do this together.” he presses a kiss to his forehead and pulls him closer.

Taron’s eyes shine with joy and he kisses his boyfriend. “I love you, angel eyes.”

“I love you too, bub.” Richard says and his deep blue eyes light up while coming closer to Taron’s. “I promise I’m gonna take care of you.” he whispers, smiling happily and presses his full lips on Taron’s while stroking the back of his neck.

“I know I’ll always be safe with you.” T whispers back and sinks into another kiss before curling up in Richard’s arms. He closes his eyes and feels good for the first time in a while. With his safe place right here, in his boyfriend’s arms, and all the love and understanding he needs. Taron knows it would be a really hard time for both of them, but Richard was right; they had to do it together instead of fighting or disagreeing.

“What are you thinking about?” Rich asks while smirking softly. recognizing how calm Taron got.

“That I’m fucking lucky to have you by my side. Never want this to end and I’m gonna do my best to keep you here with me.” T admits slowly and opens his eyes again. The soft look in it reminds Richard of a cute puppy.

“Stop worrying so much about us. I won’t go anywhere, love.” Richard says smiling and touches his nose with his own. “You’re stuck with me.”

“Sounds perfect.”

 @dreamingwolfthings​ @onceuponadetectivedemigod​  @primaba11erina​ @guns-n-marvel​ @shereighties​ @honkycrowley​ @sarahegerton96​ @multicoloredchicken​