#made up a narrative in my head about how he was an awful husband to justify me divorcing him skjhfsjkfs

[sunbloomdew]

i've been watching a 2h long video essay about mystic messenger as a,,,, "break" from writing (i am so distracted rn) and that got me thinking about my first experiences with games that have romance in them

i find it pretty funny that i picked sam and yoosung when i was playing stardew and mysme for the first time, and then NEVER played their routes again

[miraculouslbcnreactions]

Tell me, do you think Amelie shows any of the signs of a woman who was mistreated by her husband, or at least do you think she did before season 5?

That is really, really, really not something you can tell just from a few casual encounters with a person, especially since we didn't meet her until after Colt was dead and we never saw her in another romantic relationship. Every victim will act differently and have different triggers. I have no doubt I could find Amelie's perfect match among real victims because there is no set pattern of behavior they're required to follow to be real victims.

All that being said, I think this ask may just be poorly phrased, so I'm gonna talk about the general way the abuse was handled by the story, which was not great.

As I talk about this more, please remember that we are discussing characters in a story and not real people. I would never be this critical of a real person because a real person is not a piece in an ongoing narrative. A friend revealing that they were abused without any prior indication of this fact is perfectly normal as victims are often very good at masking their symptoms. A character doing the same is often bad writing as stories allow you to get inside people's heads, to see people in private moments, or even just when no one else is looking at them. If the writers never take a moment to use those kinds of tricks to set up a big reveal like an abusive parent, then the reveal comes off like something the writers made up at the last minute, which is bad writing.

So, if you're asking if the show set up the reveal well, then no, I don't think it did as nothing we see in the show would make you guess that something was off about Colt. Like you could argue that it makes Amelie's overprotective and indulgent nature make sense, but lots of people spoil their kids without going through abuse, so that behavior didn't need to be explained. It was perfectly logical as-is.

You could also argue that the abuse explains why Felix is a bully, but plenty of people are awful to others without ever going through some sort of trauma. Felix being a bully could have just as easily have been the result of a pampered upbringing where he was given everything he wanted.

Colt's reveal can be argued to recontextualizes Amelie and Felix's behavior, but that's about it. It doesn't take questionable behavior and make it suddenly make sense. Like I'm still baffled as to why Felix did all the crap he did in his titular episode because he was never cruel just to be cruel again, so what was going on there? Why the dramatic character shift in season four and five?

For the show to have actually set up the reveal of Colt's abuse, it would have needed a really blatant example of Amelie or Felix being triggered OR some sort of line that established that something was off about Colt or even just a line to establish that Felix changed after Colt's abuse started since it's implied that it only showed up after he realized he was sick/dying.

For a trigger, just look at how Marinette was written in Derision. That actually was a good example of PTSD (or at least, my second hand understanding of it). The reason why I'm so critical of that episode is because PTSD doesn't magically turn on and off like that. It's not the kind of thing that shows up for a single episode and then disappears. Marinette should have been having moments like that long before Derision AND long after it, especially since the show has written in a lot of moments that would have made for good times to trigger her and establish that something was off. She's been to that pool with Adrien before. She had Kim ask for her opinion on a present he's giving to another girl. She saw an image of Kim down on his knees with a gift.

Any or all of those should have drawn out some kind of negative, trauma-based reaction from her if the writers wanted us to believe that this fictional character who they have full control over has ongoing trauma. Unless the writers are really saying that all those questionable jokes were her being triggered and then just.... I hope I don't have to explain how utterly disgusting that is.

For an example of a line, they could have done something like having Adrien apologize for missing Colt's funeral only for Felix to say something about Colt not deserving to be mourned or really anything to indicate that he wasn't exactly sad that his father was gone. They could have also had Adrien comment on how much Felix had changed since they were kids and how he could never imagine his cousin being so cruel.

To be fair, they kinda do that one with Adrien initially dismissing Felix's behavior as being the result of his father's recent passing, but it's hard to tell if that means that Felix used to be kind or what. That's especially true because Adrien's been show to tolerate a lot of bad behavior and Felix is canonically made from jealous (Yes, I'm serious, this was a line in the play: His jealousy came to life). So Felix has probably always been jealous of Adrien and will probably always be a jealous person because I guess that's just what he was made to be?

Moving on!

I wanted to highlight that the writers do know how to do this kind of discussion-based setup, as we saw back in Frightningale:

Mayor Bourgeois: But sweetie, there's no way we can cancel the shoot now. Chloé: (pulling out her phone) I'm going to call Mom and tell her how all my dreams have been crushed! (feigns sorrow) Mayor Bourgeois: (stammers anxiously, then grabs Chloé's phone and starts punching in a phone number) Let's not disturb our beloved Queen for such a little matter; right, my little Princess?

Even if this line is kinda weird since Audrey probably wouldn't have even answered the phone.

Any time the writers actually commit to a plot point, they set it up in a way that a little kid could pick up on because of course they do! This is a show for little kids. I think the writers do genuinely want it to be entertaining for the intended audience.

This is why the Colt thing is so weird to me. It's a pretty freaking serious thing to add to your show out of nowhere and I have a sneaking suspicion that it's never going to be mentioned again, which is less than stellar writing. It very much feels like something the writers added to hand waved away Felix's bad behavior, but I'd argue that this is actually a terrible lesson to teach kids.

Being kind to those who have gone through trauma is always a good lesson to teach, but Felix has attempted to assault Ladybug, tried to malign his cousin's good name by impersonating him, and betrayed the entire world by empowering a terrorist even though he could - and should - have immediately gone to Ladybug and told her who the terrorist was. These are not minor faux pas and trauma is not an excuse to traumatize others, otherwise we'd end up with a world full of traumatized people doing whatever they wanted because trauma!

There is a lot of nuance to this topic, but at the very least, Felix needed to do some serious apologizing to make his redemption feel earned. We should not be teaching kids that a sob story is all it takes to justify the kind of shit Felix pulled as that would mean that Gabriel and Chloe's actions were also fully justified because trauma! Might as well lump Lila in there, too, because I'm pretty sure that she's an orphan? Whatever is going on with her backstory is nothing good and we really need to be seeing some clearer messaging around who gets redeemed and why. It's why I've reblogged so many posts about Felix and Chloe being near identical in their actions. The issues is not that Chloe needs to be redeemed. The issue is that there is no reason why she wasn't and Felix was. There is nothing a child can point to in order to understand who you should give a second chance to and who you should run away from for your own mental health.

[stayarmytinyzenmoa-l]

Starcrossed [Ep. 0]

Angels and Demons AU TW: Minor themes of religion Genre: Romance, Comedy, Slice of Life Pairing: Demon!Lee Jeno x Angel!Reader Y/N Pronouns: Female (She/Her) Word Count: 1.4K

(0/?) [Next] [NCT Masterlist] | [Star Crossed Masterlist] Notes: This one's been in the works for a while, I knew what it was and what I wanted but I didn't know how to display it, until now! I wanted to go in a more episodic format with a more "hidden lore" type of story as opposed to my usual narrative heavy fics, so get ready for a light read filled with romcom-esque mini plots! This series is just meant to be little somethings I write as opposed to a huge thing, so let's just have fun with it! Disclaimer: Please remember that this is an AU and a work of fiction, obviously the idols mentioned/written about in this story would never partake in these actions. The idols mentioned in this work are meant to be seen more as face claims rather than the actual idols themselves.

Feedback is greatly appreciated!! Thank you for reading!

Ep. 0 (Pilot) - In Which The Protagonists Move In

"Right! Just place those boxes over there, please and thank you," you guided the movers to their destination while you made sure to move the boxes with the more fragile keepsakes aside and out of harm's way.

The moving process had been arduously long, taking nearly an entire month to situate everything, and now you were bringing the last of your previous home into your new one for a fresh start. Moving from an urban area to this much smaller town was going to be somewhat of a huge adjustment for you and Jeno, but it was one that was wholly necessary.

Someone got too close in your last town, they were too smart after piecing together all the clues, and you and Jeno weren't careful enough. The move, you hope, wasn't too abrupt that anyone would've noticed, hence why you opted to move in slowly, bringing smaller things at a time, and in between you set up your new house. It was more fortified than a citadel, you'd say, with protective symbols hidden everywhere and even some in plain sight that would go unnoticed by the average eye.

You and he would have to make this new town work, it was your last chance. For there are very little places in the world where an angel and a demon could live in love and be hidden amongst the crowd.

"Uh... where would you like us to put these?" One of the movers holds up a small chest while two others behind him lug in the larger one and place it on the floor to catch their breaths.

"Oh I can take them," you took the smaller chest and placed it on top of the larger one before picking both of them up.

The movers watched you in tired awe as you disappeared into one of the rooms and shared confused glances before you returned.

"Have you seen my husband?" You asked them. They shook their heads. "Ah, geez, he's always running off somewhere when I need him," you tugged at your turtleneck's sleeves before walking out.

"It's hot as hell out there, how can she be covered head to toe?" One of the movers clicks her tongue and the other two shrug.

"Jeno?! Where are you, love?" You look around.

"Up here," Jeno called from the roof and you spun to look up. You shielded your eyes from the sun with your hands.

"And how in the heavens did you get up there?"

"The usual way?" He asks. With widened eyes, you scanned the neighborhood quickly, and soon he laughed at your reaction. "With the ladder, love," he points at the side of the house and you rolled your eyes.

"Right, right, of course," you muttered. You walked over to the moving truck and pulled out the last pieces of furniture and brought them inside.

"Excuse me, miss, if you don't mind us asking," one of the movers spoke up.

"Oh! Of course, I completely forgot, humans need sustenance," you muttered again and walked over to the fridge before pulling out a large pitcher of lemonade.

"What did she say?" One of the movers asked the other, who shrugged in response.

"Here, here, some lemonade! My husband and I saw a small creature selling them around the block," you poured it into separate glasses and each of the movers grabbed one.

"Thank you, ma'am," the burlier one says. "I think you're talking about the Robinson's kid. She's always selling lemonade around this time," he checks his watch.

"I see!" You hummed and prepared a glass for yourself and Jeno. "Her stand was so darling, I couldn't resist," you smiled.

"Yeah, she's a good kid," the woman comments. "Thanks for the lemonade, ma'am. And thanks for supporting little Lacie too," she raises her glass in a mock toast before drinking it.

"Of course, of course," you nodded and looked around the home. "I think my husband and I have things from here, you're welcome to leave early if you'd like," you nodded.

"You sure?" The other man asks.

"Yes, I am. I'll still pay you in full, naturally," you confirmed. You pulled your wallet out of your pocket and pulled out the correct amount before sliding it toward them.

"Uh... ma'am, you gave us about double the necessary amount," the woman takes the correct amount and slides the rest to you. You take the topmost bill and slide it back.

"Then call it thanks for such a wonderful job," you grinned.

"Why, thank you, ma'am!" The woman smiles. "See, this here is a small town, so we'll definitely remember your kindness," she says.

"The world runs on good deeds," you said. "Have a wonderful day, you three," you walked them to the door and, after looking around, you closed and locked it before opening the back door in the conservatory. Then, in a sudden gush of wind and a loud thud, Jeno landed perfectly in the backyard, cushioning his fall with a small flap of his wings. "You're going to get us in trouble."

"Oh, please, no one saw that, Angel," Jeno's wings folded against his arms, settling into dark outlines that ran along both of his arms until it looked like he'd had those tattoos for quite some time.

"Mmhmm, and if we have to move again I will be very upset," you left the door open and he followed you inside, locking the door behind him.

"Whoa, got a head start already?" He spotted the already placed furniture.

"Yes, while you were doing whatever on the roof, I was making sure this space was at least livable," you rolled your eyes, and, in the wave of your hands, the curtains closed and all of your items started finding their own places. Jeno, similarly, waved over a few boxes to follow him.

"I'll work on the rooms then, I'll leave the conservatory to you," he says.

"Of course, I wouldn't let you go near that room aside from when you just walked into it," you shot him a playful glare and, in another wave of his hands, more boxes followed him like ducklings behind their mother.

"Goodness, where to start, where to start..." you tapped your fingers on the countertop, watching everything being put into a place that you had previously thought of before, and, as items flew and floated about, you turned back to the kitchen and opened the cupboards as the dishes and more glasses flew in. "Ah, groceries!"

"Do we really need groceries?" Jeno called from in the bedroom.

"Not necessarily, but I'm sure people will begin to notice if they never see us in the grocery store," you crossed your arms. "I'll head out now," you grabbed the keys from the counter, and, as soon as you'd turned around, a short gust of wind blew past you and there stood your husband.

"Whoa, not so fast, Angel, we're going together then," he holds his hand out and you take it, pressing a soft kiss to his palm.

"I'm still driving."

"Damn it all."

~

Across the street, two childhood friends watched the new couple leave their home and walk into the car. It backed out into the street and drove off.

"Think about it, Yer, we watched Jeno climb up the roof from that ladder but we didn't see him come down! But just now he walked out the front door! Isn't that weird?" Mark mumbles.

"Mark... this feels obsessive," Yeri whispers. Mark puts his binoculars down and lets the curtains fall into place.

"No, no, you have to believe me, something is up with those two," Mark insists. Ever since he had met you and your husband at the church he just knew there had to be something up.

"Come on, Mark, they're just two city dwellers who got away from it all," Yeri rolled her eyes. "Leave them alone, they're very sweet. Jeno even gave out pie to all of us when they first started moving in a few weeks ago."

"A few weeks ago?!" Mark gasps. "That's more than enough time to win you all over."

"I don't understand why you're so skeptical!"

"I just have a feeling, okay?!"

"You are just too much!" Yeri groans. Mark grabs his keys out of his pocket.

"I'm gonna follow them."

"You're insane."

"Are you coming or not?" He walks toward the front door.

"Oh, god, you're going to embarrass yourself," she rolls her eyes and follows him out.

~

To be continued in Ep. 1: In Which the Angel Discovers Inflation

Preview: "Milk is $3.45 now? That's robbery!"

General Tag List: @stopeatread @bat-shark-repellant @raeincitizen @umbralhelwolf @yangsrose @kazooms @sadcoffeecritic 

NCT Tag List: @cherrylovr @minjiville

If you want to be added to either tag list or removed just send me a reply to this post, and ask, or a DM and I’ll add you as soon as possible!

[thatswhatsushesaid]

Hi! So I did a fair amount of rereading in this specific area for a fic I'm writing but fuck if I know where I've been. I would rather die than try and find it all again so I am humbly requesting that someone else do it for me your help. I feel Pretty Damn Sure that Jgy never touched Qin Su after he knew that they were siblings. However, my friend pulled up a passage from the ExR tl: “Jin GuangYao hugged his head, his voice bitter, “… I never touched A-Su again after our marriage. A-Song… we had him before we married. Back then, I was afraid of further delay and additional issues…” (bold added)

...and I can only remember, aside from this, Qin Su saying something like "no wonder you never...ever since...ever since then", in ryukiseth's translation of the webnovel. Given only those two sources, it seems ambiguous as to whether he never touched her again after he knew OR after their wedding night. What do you think?

hey!! i am always happy to go digging around in the text for literally any reason at all, but for this one i feel pretty confident that i don’t need to, because i agree that it is left ambiguous at least insofar as whether or not jgy was intimate with qin su again before their wedding. however, my personal read is that i do think he had no choice but to consummate the marriage on their wedding night.

which is just. fucking awful—for jgy, of course, because He Knows (and is horrified), and awful for qin su precisely because she doesn’t know. but i imagine she can tell something is wrong, if the way zzj plays it in cql is any indication. like… look at his face.

he looks like he’s going to be physically ill.

the reason i think they likely were intimate on their wedding night is because i don’t see how he could have avoided it without bringing a lot of undue criticism and scrutiny down upon himself and qin su both. i don’t know if it would have been customary for the marriage bed to be, uh, inspected the morning after, but even if something that invasive weren’t expected, i suspect there were other risks factors to consider. what if qin su fretted to her maids or friends about her new husband treating her coldly? what if those rumours made it back to qin su’s father? (jgs isn’t her dad, he’s just the shitty sperm donor ok) given how hard jgy had to fight to get the marriage approved in the first place, it seems likely that qin su’s father might seize on an opportunity to annul his daughter’s marriage to jgs’s most ambitious bastard, in hopes of securing a different match for her. which might have been the best scenario for everyone involved—if qin su weren’t, you know, already pregnant. and jgy knows firsthand what happens to women who are pregnant out of wedlock.

so, yes, those are my thoughts on the matter. tl;dr i do think jgy consummated his marriage to qin su, and then proceeded to never touch her ever again. that much i definitely believe is indisputable truth, not just because jgy says so himself, but because as you pointed out, qin su makes it clear that jgy never touched her again, too. and she has no reason to ‘perform’ this narrative for anyone else, since as far as she knows, she is only speaking to jgy in the jinlintai treasure room.

[fandom-space-princess]

also, very curious about the circumstances that led to her being cursed by the gods 👀

So one of the themes I'm interested in most in BG3 is the intercession of the gods in mortal lives. Both in terms of the obvious narrative of the Dead Three and their plans, but also the indifference and/or casual cruelty of the rest of Faerun's pantheon, notably the gods typically thought of as exemplifying good - and what that means about how much power lies in the hands of common people vs. their "betters." Sura's backstory came about because of those thoughts, and is directly informed by them.

Tl;dr because this got long: Sura is cursed because her mother was an awful person, and to the gods, a debt is a debt regardless of who incurred it. Sura started paying her mother's debt the day she was born.

Long version:

Sura's mother, Aran, was a wood elf from one of the clans of the Wood of Sharp Teeth. From a young age she was a gifted sorcerer, and an obsessive collector of knowledge. Unfortunately, she was also an essentially disagreeable person from minute one, and had an entirely unwholesome knack for death magic. When she became an adult her own people politely showed her the door. From there, she took up with a roving mercenary band that eventually landed her in Baldur's Gate.

Joining the group introduced her to Sura's father, Maurit: a solid brick wall of a human sellsword whose primary talent in life was hitting people really hard. He wasn't a particularly bad man, as mercenaries go, although he wasn't a particularly good one either. What he lacked in other areas of his personality, he made up in loyalty. Aran's basic amorality didn't bother him - to him, she was the most beautiful and dangerous thing he'd ever seen, and he would have followed her into the Nine Hells for a smile and a song.

[Pictured: terrible parents]

Aran was motivated by the acquisition of personal power, and she was prone to bouts of obsession. She'd get interested in some new project and no one but Maurit would see her for weeks, sometimes months. What she did during these times varied, but it always seemed to circle back to her interest in necromancy. (My headcanon-for-a-headcanon here is that she'd have gotten on well with Mystic Carrion, if they ever met). As time passed, her work got bloodier, and she eventually got it into her head that if she could raise enough undead, she could amass sufficient power to make a run at godhood.

Which brings us to the night Sura was born.

Nobody'd seen Aran for months. While that wasn't enough in and of itself to draw attention - she was known to be with child, it wasn't that odd that she'd been absent from work as dangerous as theirs - nobody'd seen her husband in the preceding weeks either. Though Maurit wasn't the most well-liked or social man, the people he worked with did eventually get concerned enough to go looking. So one quiet night, half a dozen of them turned up at the couple's home in the outer city.

We'll spare the details here (I don't know what kind of stomach you have for horror), but they walked into a house transformed to an abattoir that would make a Bhaalist proud. Bodies piled on every surface, intact and otherwise. From what they could gather, Aran had succeeded in raising a truly monstrous number of undead. Her body lay prone in the center of the room, next to her husband, who had met a gruesome fate as her final victim. She seemed to have succumbed to whatever ritual she was attempting to complete, and had been struck down in the same blast that leveled her hoard of zombies. The only life left in that room was her newborn child, minutes old. On either shoulder the baby sported what appeared to be brands: Kelemvor's scales on her left, Lathander's rising sun on her right.

At first, none of the assembled mercenaries could bring themselves to touch her. Near as they could tell, the girl was probably the result of ritual magic that had deeply offended two of the most powerful gods in realmspace. They might have abandoned her to her fate. But Tethos stepped forward. He'd been the closest thing to a friend the girl's father had really had. Standing over his body, he couldn't bring himself to simply abandon his daughter. So he took her in.

[hi Tethos]

Sura would only discover what her curse meant to her as she grew. There's a lot of additional story involved, which for the sake of this not turning into a novel I'll exclude, but the practical upshot is: she can't die. She found this out the hard way, i.e. the painful way, and at the point where she gets abducted by the Nautiloid she's been dealing with the realities of being unwillingly immortal for just over 70 years.

She maintains an antagonistic working relationship with her patron gods. They periodically turn up and set her tasks, which she completes under extreme protest. And once she gets tangled up with the tadpole gang... well. Things get interesting fast.

I have so much written about her ongoing struggles with her desire to regain mortality, and how she relates conceptually and practically to her concepts of religion, guilt, obligation, and rebellion, but I'll save that for another day.

[440mxs-wife]

Mail Order Bride, Part 5: Married Life

Pairing: Sheriff!McCoy x Paige Stone (OFC). Other characters: Nyota Uhura, Jocelyn Treadway (ex-Mrs. McCoy), Hikaru Sulu, Deputy Jim Kirk

Word Count: 4884

General warnings:  As the title implies, mail-order bride arrangement, parent’s illness, outlaws, overprotective sister, Wild West-level violence but some fluff as well. Each chapter will have individual warnings as needed.

Chapter warning: Talk of married life and of children, allusion to “sexy times”, some angst due to a run-in with the first Mrs. McCoy, dangerous weather conditions.

A/N: This is set around the 1930′s in the Western U.S. I will endeavor to remain as true to the historical timeline as I can. There may be some....bending of history to fit the narrative, but hopefully nothing major. This is, after all, a work of fiction. :) Please let me know if you’d like to be tagged in future chapters!

As always, thank you for reading. Enjoy!

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Paige woke the next morning to the sunlight streaming through the curtains of the bedroom she now shared with her husband. Husband, she thought. That may take some getting used to hearing, but I like it, she smiled to herself. She tried to stretch, but the weight of Leonard's arm draped around her midsection prevented her from moving too far. Each time she tried to move, he curled his arm tighter around her, pulling her back closer to his chest. "Aw, come on baby, go back to sleep," he mumbled, his eyes still closed as he nuzzled into the back of her neck.

"Leonard, I have to use the bathroom," Paige giggled. "I promise I will come back to bed right after."

"M'okay, but don't be too long, sweetheart," he pouted and reluctantly released his wife from his hold.

Paige sat on the edge of the bed, arched her back and stretched, then turned to look down at her husband. She walked around to his side of the bed, leaned over him and kissed him on the side of his head. "I won't be, I promise, Len," she replied.

By this time, Leonard was wide awake and openly admired Paige's naked form as she made her way to the bathroom. He noticed she was walking a little stiffly at the moment and Leonard felt a sense of pride at knowing and being the cause of it. He was sure that her condition was due to the multiple rounds of lovemaking they engaged in until the wee hours of the morning. A satisfied grin crossed his face at the memories.

To say Leonard enjoyed making love with his new wife was an understatement, because the truth was, he reveled in it. When he was with Jocelyn, she viewed marital relations as somewhat perfunctory, like a chore or some duty to perform. She wasn't happy being married to him, but always thought that as the sheriff's wife, she deserved more. Jocelyn was also less than understanding about how much time he spent at work. Unfortunately, her unhappiness spilled over into the intimacy part of their marriage.

With Paige, though, it couldn't be more different, because she was so much more open and receptive. Since she was a virgin when they married, everything was new to her--the sights, the sounds, the sensations. Because of this, Leonard was granted the opportunity to view it all through her eyes, and it was a rewarding experience for him. Every fiber of his being yearned for his wife's touch, to feel her lips follow wherever her hands led.

After a few minutes, Paige returned and slipped back under the sheets with her husband. She turned over to face him, a soft smile on her lips. "Hi," she whispered, caressing his cheek with her hand. She leaned in to place a kiss on the end of his nose and snuggled up to his side. "I'm so happy to be your wife, Leonard," Paige murmured. "I'm a truly lucky woman to have a big, strong, handsome man for my husband."

Leonard chuckled lightly as he took Paige's hand in his and kissed the inside of her wrist. "Believe me, darlin', if anyone is lucky, it's me to have such an intelligent, compassionate, and beautiful woman for my wife," he replied. "Don't know what I did to deserve you, sugar, but I promise to do everything within my power to make you happy."

"Oh, Leonard, you already do make me happy, and I'm proud to be married to you. You rescued me from my horrible situation with Jed Matthews, and you helped my family as well. I would love for them to meet you someday, but for now, I'd at least like to send them a picture of us from our wedding," she requested.

Leonard was overcome with emotion at Paige's words. He couldn't help but once again compare his current marriage to his previous one, and as expected, it was no contest. Jocelyn's family seemed to barely tolerate him during social occasions. He always found himself dreading the encounters and not wanting to be around her family for them.

He had a feeling that Paige's family was different, just from what she's told him so far about them. Not only that, but they were responsible for raising her and guiding her into who she'd become. The woman he'd grown to love. Leonard would absolutely welcome his wife's family with open arms, should they ever decide to visit him and Paige in Boulder.

Paige held Leonard's chin between her thumb and forefinger, locking her gaze with him. "Len, honey, is everything okay? Where did you go just then? You looked lost in thought," she asked with a concerned tilt of her head.

A warm smile spread over Leonard's face. "I was thinking about how wonderful it would be if your family were somehow able to visit sometime. I would love to meet them, seein' as how you've met mine," he grinned, rubbing up and down her arm.

"Absolutely, that would be amazing if they could visit. I mean, I understand how you can't just pick up and be gone from here for too long, because the town needs its sheriff. Maybe someday, we can make it happen, where my family travels here. I would love that just as much," Paige replied. "For now, though, can I make you some breakfast? How's about I make us some pancakes and scrambled eggs?" she suggested.

"Mmm, that sounds so appetizing, sweetheart, but I was thinking of something else for breakfast. Something a little more....simple and readily available," he growled as he attacked Paige's neck with kisses. She squealed in delight which gave way to a throaty moan when Leonard nipped and sucked at the spot behind her ear. His beard tickled the skin under her jawline, sending ripples of electricity through her body.

Paige's fingers threaded through Leonard's hair while he continued to drop open-mouthed kisses across her neck, her cheeks, anywhere he could reach. With one hand, Leonard pulled the blankets up around them while he explored his wife's body with the other. "I suppose--food can wait," Paige whispered passionately.

"Now you're talkin'," Leonard rumbled in agreement.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The months flew by, with Leonard and Paige settling into a routine. For Paige, her days were spent taking care of the house. During what was left of the spring and on into summer, she tended to their flower, vegetable, and herb gardens. In the hottest parts of the day, she took a break, sipping on lemonade in the shade of the porch, reading or relaxing. Then it would be time to start on the evening meal, putting it on the table nearly to the minute of Leonard walking in the door.

Leonard's days were occupied with sheriff's duties, whether it be mediating disputes between neighbors, or rounding up lawbreakers. Every once in a while, he would have an opportunity to leave work early, putting one of his deputies in charge until morning. The town was fairly quiet in the evening hours, except for the occasional bar fight or two.

On those early days, he liked to bring something home for Paige, some flowers, candies, or a small trinket to let her know he was thinking of her. She'd always blush and say thank you, then add how he didn't have to do that. He'd always counter that he knew he didn't have to, but that he wanted to. That usually earned him a rather ardent exchange of kisses with his wife, which is another reason he continued to follow this tradition.

Once a week, Paige would accompany Leonard into town to run errands. She visited the shops to pick up supplies and other items for the house while Leonard was at work. Paige also stopped by the post office to check for letters and other correspondence.

Paige was hoping for some sort of news from her family, especially after sending the funds from the marriage contract. Even if the only news was that everyone was doing well with nothing spectacular to report, she still wanted to know. So far, no word from Ohio yet, but Paige never missed a stop at the post office, just in case.

Around noon, Paige and Leonard usually had lunch together at the local café, run by Nyota Uhura. She'd become a good friend to Paige, taking time out of her day to chat with the sheriff's new wife and bemoan the lack of a good man in her own life. Paige always assured her that there was someone out there for her, and that he would likely show up when Nyota least expected. She laughed and put a hand on Paige's shoulder, then moved on to serve her other customers.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

One summer day, Leonard accompanied Paige on the walk from his office to Nyota's café. When they arrived, Nyota was sitting out front and had been waiting for Paige to arrive. Nyota explained it was closed for the day, so Paige invited her to join her in her errands. Before leaving, Leonard took his wife into his arms, gave her a romantic kiss goodbye, then wished her and Nyota a good day. Paige, in turn, told her husband to stay safe and that she would meet him at his office when it was time to go home.

After Leonard had gone, Paige continued to stare after him, a dreamy look in her eyes. When she turned around to face her friend, Nyota was smiling and shaking her head. "Girl, you are so gone for that man. Not that I blame you, of course, but he definitely only has eyes for you," she grinned.

"Yeah, I know," Paige replied softly. "He's a wonderful man and a thoughtful husband, Nyota. He shows me every day in so many ways that he cares about me, and I know I love him," she admitted. When she realized what she'd said, Paige gasped sharply, her hand flying up to cover her mouth.

"What? Something wrong?" Nyota asked, alarmed.

"No," Paige whispered. "Except....I'm in love with my husband," she finished.

Uhura rolled her eyes. "Well, of course you are! You married him, didn't you? Had to be some feelings between you and our dear sheriff. I mean, for him to just take over the marriage contract on the first day you met? No man does that without there being some sort of attraction, sweetie. And you wouldn't have agreed to marry him if you didn't have feelings for him as well, hmm?"

Paige thought back on the day they met, when she was supposed to meet Jed Matthews at the train station. Seems karma had a date with the man first, which was part of how Paige ended up becoming the sheriff's wife instead. She remembered her first impressions of Leonard were quite favorable, that he seemed a fair and honorable man. Not only that, but there was definitely a physical attraction to him, even at first.

"You're right, I had feelings for him from that first day we met, and they just grew from there. I should find a way to tell him," Paige remarked. By this time, the two ladies had walked into the grocery store, and each grabbed a cart.

"Good morning, Mrs. McCoy, Ms. Uhura!" the manager, Hikaru Sulu greeted. "Anything in particular I can help you find today?" he asked.

"No thank you, Mr. Sulu. Here to do the weekly shopping, that's all. Have a good day!" Paige replied.

A few aisles over, Jocelyn Treadway, the former Mrs. McCoy, listened intently at the exchange between the new customers and the manager. She had heard that Leonard had remarried, but mostly she ignored the news. She didn't really care anymore, having been divorced from him for almost ten years. However, her curiosity got the better of her, and she found herself wandering over to meet the new Mrs. McCoy.

Paige and Uhura were picking through the peaches when a woman approached them and bumped Paige's cart. Paige turned her attention to the newcomer, who gave her a half-hearted apology. "Oops, I'm so sorry. Guess I should probably watch where I'm going," Jocelyn remarked.

"No harm done," Paige responded warily. She thought the woman would leave, but it seemed she had other ideas.

"You must be new in town, I don't remember ever seeing you around anywhere. What's your name?" Jocelyn demanded, eyes narrowed.

Paige stuck out her hand in greeting. "My name is Paige. Mrs. Paige McCoy. And you are....?"

Something clicked in Jocelyn's mind that this was the mail-order bride her friends had told her about. "Oh, so you're the one everyone's been talking about. Shame what happened to your first 'mail-order husband', but it seems you lucked out. You know, after the sheriff took pity on you by marrying you," Jocelyn sneered.

"Jocelyn, you don't know what you're talking about," Uhura snapped. "I suggest you stick to your shopping and leave us alone." She tugged on Paige's hand, intent on leaving the area.

"Wait, Jocelyn? As in Leonard's ex-wife, Jocelyn?" Paige queried. "He told me a little about you, before we got married."

"Oh really? Did he tell you why we got divorced? No? Well, let me tell you why. For one thing, being sheriff in town is a highly respected position. With his profession, I believe there's a certain standard of living that should be upheld and should come with certain benefits, a few luxuries. Only Leonard didn't exactly see it that way. He was always saying to 'make do with what we have' and that the house we have is perfectly adequate," Jocelyn bitterly explained.

"Well, I come from a big family, so 'making do with what we have' is pretty much the only way I know. And I see nothing wrong with our home, it's cozy, perfectly decorated and serves its purpose as a roof over our heads," Paige retorted, her anger rising a bit.

"Hmm, you're such a child, and quite naïve," Jocelyn shot back. "I'm partial to a somewhat larger house. Regardless of size, don't be surprised if your home is rather lonely and empty, what with all the time Leonard spends at work," she snarled.

"You know, it's a good thing I'm so understanding about his dedication to law and order in this town. Because if I wasn't, people might think I was a difficult woman to deal with," Paige replied.

"Excuse me??" Jocelyn squawked.

"No, I don't think I will. You see, Leonard is a kind, decent man, and I love him. Anyone who doesn't share that opinion should steer clear of us," she warned. Then Paige took a step closer to Jocelyn until there were only mere inches between them. "Good day to you, Ms. Treadway." Paige turned on her heel and continued with her shopping, with Uhura following closely behind her, a knowing smirk clearly on her face.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Deputy Kirk was not exactly one to pay attention to gossip, but when it involves his boss' wife, his ears tended to perk up a bit. He was in the general store, checking out some new boots when he overheard Jocelyn yapping to someone about her encounter with Paige at the grocery store.

Jim didn't usually put a lot of stock in what Jocelyn had to say, mostly because he couldn't stand her when she was married to the sheriff. But when she said that Paige had threatened her, Kirk was all ears, because this did not sound anything like Leonard's new wife.

"Hey, boss? There's something I need to talk to you about. Can we please speak in private?" Kirk asked.

Puzzled, Sheriff McCoy nodded and gestured with his hand for Kirk to meet him in his office. "So, what's on your mind, Jim?" he wondered as he closed the door.

"Well, sir, it's about your wife. Your new wife, Paige," Kirk hastily added. "Seems there was a small um....'incident'? Today in the grocery store between your first missus and your new missus. Jocelyn said Paige threatened her," Kirk explained.

Sheriff McCoy let out a bark of laughter. "That's ridiculous, Paige doesn't have a threatening bone in her body," he dismissed.

"Exactly what I thought, so I asked Mr. Sulu, the manager, about what he knew. He acknowledged that the two women had a 'conversation' and are at least aware of each other now. He did say that Jocelyn approached Paige, not the other way around," Kirk mentioned.

"Of course she did," McCoy muttered. "Probably told Paige all about the 'evils' of our marriage and how everything I did was wrong," he grumbled.

"Well, Jocelyn may have tried that, but Paige wasn't havin' it. Sulu was on the other side of the aisle and overheard Paige defending you and your life together. You married a good woman, Sheriff. I doubt Paige made any threats, but if she did, I'm sure it was with the intent of protecting you and/or your reputation," Kirk remarked.

"I'll....have a talk with Paige on the way home, see if I can get to the bottom of this right away. Thank you, Jim, for the information," Leonard's mouth twisted into a wry smile as Kirk walked out of the office.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The ride home from town was a quiet one, with Leonard holding Paige's hand while he drove. Every so often, Paige would turn her head and find Leonard looking at her with a smile on his face. It triggered a soft smile of her own, but it didn't seem to meet her eyes. Then she returned her attention to the scenery in front of her.

When they reached home, Leonard helped bring the groceries into the house, while Paige started putting everything in its place. Few words were exchanged as they danced around one another in the kitchen while they restocked their shelves. After Leonard could no longer stand the silence, he took hold of Paige's hands and led her to the table, where they each took a seat.

"Somethin' happen today that you want to talk about, sweetheart?" he asked.

Paige focused her eyes on her hands that were resting in her lap. "Finally met Jocelyn," she mumbled, refusing to meet Leonard's gaze.

Leonard nodded, mostly to himself. "And?" he wondered.

Paige took a deep breath before answering. "She's not a nice person, Leonard," she stated, finally looking up at her husband. "She said....never mind," Paige muttered.

Leonard picked up Paige's hands in his and gave them a gentle squeeze. "What did she say, sweetheart?" he inquired gently.

"It's not important, Leonard. Could we please finish putting things away?" Paige replied.

"Darlin', it is important, whatever it is, because I can see how upset you are. You know you can tell me anything. Will you tell me what she said? Please?" he implored.

"Jocelyn....said that because of what happened with Jed that you took pity on me, and that's why you married me," she replied in a small voice.

Leonard's heart dropped at hearing of his ex-wife's cruel remark. "Oh, baby," he whispered. "That was not the reason I married you." He leaned forward, using his index finger to turn her face so her eyes were locked on his. "When we first met, I remember thinking how strong and courageous you were, to take a train ride by yourself from Ohio to here. I admired your compassion for your family, especially your mother, to marry a man sight unseen."

His hand drifted to cradle her face, his fingers working through her hair from where she'd pinned it up off of her neck. He watched as Paige closed her eyes and as soon as her hair was unpinned, she shook her chestnut tresses loose and Leonard was mesmerized. "Then, the more time we spent together, the harder it was to ignore how I felt about you. Paige darlin', you've bewitched me, and I wouldn't change a thing about how we became husband and wife."

Paige choked out a sob, letting a few tears out, unable to hold them back any longer. She knew deep down that Jocelyn's comments were only words, with no truth behind them. However, those words landed on the sliver of doubt Paige already had about herself and grew. Fortunately, Leonard's remarks erased those fears and reinforced his commitment to her and their marriage.

"I wouldn't change a thing either, Leonard. On that day we met, if I recall correctly, I was curious about what you looked like without your hat on," Paige  admitted with a watery chuckle. "I also thought about what a strong and confident man you are, and how it would feel to have your arms around me. I feel safe, warm and loved when I'm in your arms," she replied softly.

Leonard gave his wife a sheepish grin and his cheeks turned pink. "So, uh, what else did Jocelyn say?"

Paige relayed the rest of her conversation with Jocelyn, where the ex-Mrs. McCoy revealed the reason for the divorce. "Whatever I said made no difference, she disagreed with me about everything, and talked badly about you. I was not about to let that stand, no matter what," she declared hotly.

Leonard's eyebrow raised at the vehemence in Paige's statement and briefly wondered what was said in his defense. "Oh? What was it that got you all upset?" he inquired.

"Basically, she made comments about how you didn't share her opinion on what lifestyle the town's sheriff and his wife should have. She mentioned how the house will probably seem empty and lonely because of all the time you spend at work," Paige huffed.

Leonard rolled his eyes. "Yes, I remember how my work was always a point of contention between us, but--"

"But I understand how your job doesn't always fit regular hours!" Paige interrupted. "I don't care about the fancy stuff, that's not how I was raised. With so many of us in the household, we had to make the best out of what we had. And I don't regret any of it," she affirmed.

Leonard pulled his wife onto his lap and held her tightly in his arms. "My little spitfire," he chuckled. "I appreciate you defendin' me, darlin'. Means more than you'll ever know." He leaned in and captured her lips in a lingering kiss.

"Mmm. I did more than that. I told her that you were a kind and decent man, and that I love you. Then I got right in her face and warned her that anyone who didn't share that opinion should steer clear of us," Paige remarked.

Leonard was stunned at Paige's declaration in defending him to his ex-wife. "Y-you said what, now?" he asked.

"I warned her that anyone who didn't--" Paige started but Leonard interrupted.

"No, no, before that. You love me?" he whispered.

Paige's eyes grew wide at realizing she'd let such an important announcement fall from her lips so easily, then she gave him a soft smile. "Of course I love you, Leonard. Although I meant to tell you first, not for it to slip out like that in a rant to your ex-wife," she added sheepishly.

Leonard knew even though his marriage to Paige appeared to some people to be one of "convenience", he couldn't help how he felt about his wife. There was no question in his mind he was physically attracted to her. Still, it went beyond that, to an emotional and intellectual connection as well.

Her kindness and generosity endeared her to him, and the way her mind worked completely fascinated him. He had hoped she would grow to love him as the years passed, and was happy to start out and be friends for awhile. As it turned out, they didn't need years, because they were in love with each other now.

His hand slid back to cradle behind her head, then he dove forward and crashed his lips hard into hers in a kiss that was hungry and full of emotion. Paige placed her hands on either side of his face to keep them connected as their mouths moved frantically with each other. A wanton moan escaped Paige as Leonard's tongue darted through her slightly parted lips and deepened the kiss.

When the need for oxygen became too much, they broke apart, leaving husband and wife trying to catch their breath. "I love you so much, sweetheart," Leonard whispered. "You're the best thing to ever happen to me, and I thank the stars above for bringing you into my life," he murmured. "And now I'm going to show you how much I love you." He scooped Paige up into his arms and carried her to their bedroom, where they slowly took each other apart, piece by piece.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Paige laid next to Leonard on the bed, her head resting on the left side of his chest, listening to his heartbeat as it had returned to normal. Leonard's arms were wrapped around his lovely wife, his thumb grazing up and down on the skin of her upper arm. Paige's left arm draped around Leonard's middle, holding their bodies close together. A question that had been nagging at her lately decided to make itself known.

"Leonard? Have you ever....I mean, do you think about....having children?" Paige asked.

"This is one of those questions we probably should've gotten out of the way before we got married, huh?" he chuckled, then took a more serious tone. "Hmm. I can definitely see having a family with you. I know you would make an incredible mother," Leonard remarked. "What about you? Do you think about having children?"

"Sure, I do. And it wouldn't matter to me if we had a boy or girl, as long as the baby was healthy. Although I would want him or her to have your strong character, your compassion, dark hair and playful hazel eyes," Paige mused.

"If our baby had your sense of wonder, your intelligence and your generosity, I think that would be darn near perfect," Leonard remarked as he turned to face Paige. "And you, my love....will look so gorgeous, your belly round with my child," he uttered huskily.

"Well then, maybe we should get started on making this 'darn near perfect' child," Paige suggested.

"Sounds like a plan, darlin'," Leonard grinned. He leaned over and captured Paige's lips in a slow, passion-filled kiss, then pulled the blankets over their bodies.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

A few weeks later

Leonard wandered out to the porch one night after dinner to check on the weather. Paige followed soon after, embracing her husband from behind, laying her head on his back. Over the past couple of weeks, the weather around Boulder had been hot and dry. Residents were being asked to conserve water as much as possible, given the near-drought conditions. The main concern was making sure there was enough water for emergency services, like the Fire Department.

They noticed the storm clouds that had started to gather. The two of them hoped that the rain the town so desperately needed was contained within them. Vivid flashes of lightning streaked across the sky, followed by the rumble of thunder. However, the vital precipitation did not fall, making this a dangerous electrical storm.

As they watched from their front porch, Paige and Leonard grew increasingly worried at the lack of rain accompanying the storm clouds. "With everything as dry as a bone, we'll just have to pray that a stray lightning bolt doesn't cause a fire somewhere," Leonard grimaced.

Paige walked around to stand in front of her husband and kept her arms wrapped around his midsection. Leonard put his arm around her shoulders and tucked her close to his side. He pressed a kiss to the top of her head then resumed his scan of the stormy sky.

As Leonard's eyes continue to search the horizon, Paige felt his body tense as he held her. Her eyes followed his, which was locked on a rider on horseback approaching their house.

"Stay here, darlin'," Leonard directed. He stepped off of the porch and towards the unknown visitor.

"Sheriff!" the man called. Paige and Leonard breathed a sigh of relief when they recognized Deputy Kirk's voice. Jim dismounted quickly and ran over to Leonard and Paige were standing. "There's a fire over at the Campbell farm. Lightning struck the barn, and it burst into flames, which caught on to some of the nearby trees. The wind blew some of the embers onto the roof of the house."

"Paige, sweetheart, I need you to stay here while I go with Jim over to the farm. I'll be back as soon as I can," Leonard promised then turned to Jim. "Is the Fire Department on site?" he asked.

"I believe so, and neighbors are doing the best they can with pumping water for a bucket brigade," Kirk replied.

Paige placed a hand on her husband's arm. "Leonard, I'm going with you. I can help carry water, keep people company, something. Please," she begged him.

Leonard silently debated allowing Paige to accompany him. He didn't want to take the chance that she could become injured or worse if the fire got too out of control. However, he also knew how capable she was, and even if all she did was provide comfort, it would be worth it to have her with him. "All right, let's go," he relented, his hands on her upper arms. "But you have to promise that you will do exactly as I say while we are there. I can't lose you, my love," he whispered the last part as he touched his forehead to hers.

Paige laid her hand on his cheek. "I promise," she replied softly then pressed a kiss to his lips. The three of them climbed into Sheriff McCoy's car and drove to the Campbell farm. Nothing could've prepared them for the level of destruction that greeted them upon their arrival at the farm.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Tags:

@marvelouslytrekking​ @writercole​ @spacedancer1701​ @anna-phora​ @hlabounty96 @darkestfireee​​ @rooweighton​​ @phoenixisred​​

[6ofwandz]

It took me nine months to decide if I was going to leave him or not. Every single time I thought about our relationship, I kept getting stuck in a loop about how he made me feel when the times were good. How he would always suck me back in every time I reached a new breaking point, convincing me that he genuinely loved and cared about me by giving me the affection I was starving for the rest of the time we were together. It was a cycle. Something awful would happen between us--he'd have a bad day and slam his head into the bedroom door and leave a head size crater there, for example--then I would reach a new peak of frustration with his continued behaviors, have a meltdown, and he would self-flagellate until I would think he was changing for good this time. He would acknowledge how I felt but wouldn't ever actually do anything to change. He could intellectualize the shit out of a conversation about his emotions to the point that I believed he had dealt with them until the next time he would drink too much and I would inevitably be left to clean up the mess of his emotional explosion.

In the beginning he love bombed me so hard I didn't have an opportunity to even realize what was happening. I don't exactly have a long history of dating partners and I have CPTSD. Having been an abusive relationship before (which culminated in him being physically aggressive with me) I thought that maybe this time it was real love and that when someone loves you like that it can feel like love bombing. I thought I knew him so any doubts I had were just ill-informed and came from my internal place of lack. I thought maybe him taking me out to eat to a nice restaurant, teaching me how to tie a bowtie, and getting me an expensive valentines gift was just how men who really loved you showed you they cared. That my ex-husband who was never really interested in any holiday that was romantic in nature would never have done those things for me, so maybe this time I got it right.

I had been extremely sexually deprived in my last relationship, the ten years we were together practically a drought, him forbidding me to have any alone time because he didn't see the need. When I met my most recent ex and he couldn't get enough of me I thought to myself "finally." I had no idea that he was practically performing magic on me every time he touched me. In fact, it was a consistent comment of his during sex that he was "proud in knowing he was the best sex I ever had". I had only slept with two other people besides him, I had no comprehension of what was and wasn't "the best sex" and he knew it. He had had a completely different experience in his twenties. While I was married and practicing my life as a "wife" (I hadn't come out yet), he was out partying and having all kinds of wild experiences with friends. He knew that I was isolated my entire life from the outside world and also knew that that left me swooning for his bad boy side. Unfortunately, that was not just a persona that this man used to swoon me with, he was actually just a self-centered traumatizing partner who had no comprehension of how to actually own up to his mistakes.

The thing is, people might read the things he did to me that were nice and think to themselves that he couldn't be that bad. After the break up, I was very clear on my social media about the things he put me through and then deleted friends who didn't want to support me in the aftermath of his abuse. This is what abusers are really good at doing: providing a narrative to the public that makes them look lovable and kind in such a way that anyone who speaks out against them looks like the crazy one. Despite all the nights where he was throwing up in public from drinking, or the knowledge that he's still incapable of getting a full time job somewhere and putting in the work, people still seem to want to be in his life. No one has really taken the time to listen to me talk about all the horrible things he put me through and all the reasons I continued to stay. I want to share my experiences because I wish I had these words as a resource on the bad days. I just think more people should know that abuse doesn't just look like one thing. But more importantly, how to get out of the chains of repeating this behavior before another generation has to be subject to the consequences of our insecurities. This account is my confession to all the ways in which I wished I had been honest with myself years ago before I reached this point. If nothing else, I hope that maybe you can learn from my mistakes.

[everlarkficexchange]

Magic as Always

Written by: @alliswell21

Prompt 71: Magic of Ordinary Days AU: 1940s, Katniss is a single pregnant girl. Desperate for her daughter not to have a child out of wedlock, Mrs Everdeen contacts a priest who in turn knows a young man who just may be willing to help. Sweet, kind and shy Peeta stayed home to take care of the family farm when his beloved brother went to war to never come back. He’s always wanted a family but rural small town life gives little chance to court. He hears of Katniss’ plight and graciously offers to marry her and raise the child as his own. He does everything he can think of to make a home for Katniss and the baby. How does Katniss take it? How does their relationship develop? Will they fall in love? [submitted by anonymous]

Rating: this chapter is rated Teens and Up  

Tags: Historical!AU; WWII; 1940’s Era views on marriage, sexism, pregnancy, etc; Katniss/Marvel relationship; Non-graphic Unprotected Sex; Unplanned Pregnancy; Arrange Marriage; Miscellaneous Religious views; Grief/Mourning; Canon Characters Death; OOC!Mrs.Everdeen; Somewhat OOC!Katniss; Everlark is Endgame; Other tags to be added.

Notes: Thank you Anon for this prompt. I must confess, I’ve never seen the movie ‘The Magic of Ordinary Days’ or read the book the movie is based on. I did a quick skimming on the plot of the movie and then dug up all kinds of reviews on the book, most of my plot points come from a combination of movie and book (which apparently differ only in a few parts), besides what the prompter asked for. I just really loved this prompt, and see the potential of this story, which will be a few chapters long, cross posted to AO3 and I already have a good chunk written ;) The rating will be adjusted too, because there will be explicit Everlark smut in the following chapters. Anon, I hope I don’t disappoint you, this story will be only loosely based on the source material, and adapted to fit THG characters in the narrative, I will try to stick to the main plot points as much as I can, but I’m also taking several liberties with the story. I hope you still like it though. 

KPKPKPKPKPKPKPKP

Prim died on a Tuesday, after a very long, strenuous battle with poliomyelitis. My sweet little sister’s face looked as fresh as a dew drop even in death. 

  “Come now, Katniss,” my mother calls from the open door of the mortuary hall, where visitation took place an hour ago. 

  The mortician has arranged for the coffin to be taken to the cemetery and put in the ground this afternoon. There will be no graveside mourning. It’s all we could pay for, but then again the war has left everyone penniless nowadays.

  A big, rotund man comes to close the coffin, and offers a curt nod. 

  That’s it then. The very last time I’ll ever set eyes on Primrose’s sweet face. 

  “Katniss,” Mother whispers, insistently. It’s probably all she can muster before breaking down in tears.

  I look on at the box my sister’s body lies in, numb and heartsick. I bring my 3 middle fingers to my lips and then rise them in the air. My last salute to my beloved Little Duck. I step away from the coffin and shuffle towards mother. 

  Up close, I can see the deep, dark bruises under my mother’s eyes. She used to be beautiful in her youth— according to friends and old photographs— but now she just looks tired and defeated. I guess having to bury first her husband and then her 15 year old daughter, in less than a year, would have that effect on anyone.

  Prim would’ve looked like our mother, with their soft blonde locks, almond shaped blue eyes and alabaster skin. She had a softer spirit though, she enjoyed music and loved animals. She always said that if she was older, she would’ve joined the Red Cross and signed up to serve as a nurse to our boys in the Pacific, like Father did… Father wasn’t a nurse though, he was a chaplain. 

  It’s funny to think that I inherited so much of my father, like my dark hair, gray eyes and olive skin. We both also share the same aversion to human pain and blood that moves my mother and Prim to action; but unlike Prim, my father’s calling to help the soldiers in their worst situations, passed me and went directly to my baby sister. 

  I sigh… Prim would’ve made a terrific army nurse, if only she hadn’t wasted in bed with that odious disease! If she had been given the chance to live, I’m sure Prim would’ve had so many boys trailing after her. She would marry at some point and have a beautiful full life. 

  I don’t plan on marrying and having a family. If the acute pain in my own chest wasn’t enough warning,  watching my mother walk silently from the funeral home to our apartment, with her head bowed and listening to her quiet sobs at night would be enough evidence that there’s too much sorrow in losing one’s husband and children. 

  I think my efforts will be better spent in cultivating my mind, and getting my degree in botany, like my father always dreamed, anyway… plus, I’m not much of a looker… not like Prim at any rate. 

  We finally arrived at our modest home. Mother drifts ghost-like into the door, and then we both shuffle quietly into our separate bedrooms. There won’t be a meal at the table tonight, but I make sure Prim’s old tomcat gets fed and watered, and after he meows in distress at my sister’s door, I open mine, and let him strut inside my bedroom and hop into my bed. The hideous fur ball and I distrust each other, but he understands his mistress is never coming back, and he’s the last thing I have from her… so he lets me pet him and he cuddles close to my chest as I fall asleep, crying. 

——————————-

Mother and I walk slowly through the busy streets of town, mostly ignoring the bustle and disarray around us. People shout, cars honk horns, a baby cries in the distance, and the few young men rush back and forth in the busy sidewalks, like they’re being lashed by invisible whips.

  “We should stop by the grocer and see if we can pick up some eggs.” Says my mother, pulling her “Sugar Book” out of her handbag. 

  Because of the war, everything is being rationed, from sugar to shoes.

  I could care less about food and clothing, though. But I still go into the shop, dutifully. 

  I’m so immersed in my own thoughts, I don’t see the lanky man walking towards me with his arms full of vittles. 

  We collide. The man’s groceries fly up in every direction, raining over me, as I sit on my rump on the floor. 

  My mother is nowhere to be seen. Typical.

  “I’m so sorry, I didn’t see you there!” Says the man, pulling a packet of oatmeal from the floor, while extending his other hand to help me up. 

  “No… it’s alright, I wasn’t looking where I was going.”

  “Well, let’s agree that we’re both klutzes, and leave it at that?” The man offers.

  I’m on my feet, dusting my skirt off and righting my blouse, “Sure, let’s do that.” I scowl at the skew state of my clothes and finally look up at the man. 

  He’s smiling down at me, and I must admit, his smile is dazzling. He’s got short brown hair, greenish-brown eyes, and a smattering of freckles over his nose. He also towers above me. 

  “My stars! If it isn’t Katniss Everdeen!” The young man says, unexpectedly excited.

  I blink owlishly at him, and try to place his face, but I’m horrible at remembering people. Or their names. 

  “Marvel Quaid,” he offers genially, unfazed by my lack of response, “we went to grade school together?” He prompts, “My pa used to sell luxury goods in District One?”

  “Oh, I think it’s coming back now,” I say smiling for the first time in what feels like months. “You used to throw sticks, pretending they were spears or something,” I tell him, showing that indeed, I do remember him.

  Marvel scrunches his nose, “Javelins, actually. I was pretending I threw javelins. I saw a fellow doing it for the Olympics in a film, and then he won a medal for it. I thought to myself that making a victory lap with the good old American flag flapping after oneself looked like fun; well, I wanted to be a victor too!” He chuckles, then deflates. “But as everything, those dreams are gone now, crushed to dust under the weight of the war.”

  As is the norm, once the war gets brought up, gloominess settles on, dampening the cheeriest of spirits.

  “I’m sorry,” I say. “I’m all too familiar with the sentiment.”

  Marvel nods, grimly. 

  “We lost Father in France.” I’m not sure why I said it. “We put my sister in the ground last week, too.” I avert my eyes. 

  “Aww, geez, Kit… that’s truly awful. I’m so sorry for your loss,”

  I’m mildly surprised I don’t immediately recoil at his little pet name. I guess the fact that he doesn’t sound condescending while delivering his condolences, helps. 

  “Oh, well, as my father would’ve said, at least their toils in this world are over. They can finally rest in peace.”

  After a moment of heavy silence, Marvel shares, “I’m being shipped out tomorrow morning.”

  I scowl, “Oh,” I bite the inside of my cheek, wondering how he’d manage to evade the draft for this long? Marvel is my age, 19 going on 20… boys get sent to the front lines at 18. “I… I could write to you… if you wanted?” I offer shyly. 

  Isn’t that what young women are being told to do, in order to keep our boys’ morale from plummeting?  

  Marvel grins, showing slightly crooked teeth, “That would be swell, Kit!” He stares at me for a long moment, then sighs, “I should go back to my shopping, before they miss me at home. Lord knows when will I have the chance of doing something as mundane as picking up my mother’s weekly grocery allowance.”

  These days it is not only uncommon seeing men doing grocery runs, but simply seeing young, able-body men around, period. All of our boys are either in Europe or the Pacific, fighting to keep the devastation of the World war from reaching our shores.

  “Well, for what is worth, I hope you get to return home safely… you know, so you can do all the boring tasks your mother tells you to do. And when I say safe, I mean, I hope you don’t run anymore into spaced out girls, like me,” I smirk. 

  “Oh, Kit, if only you knew how much I’ve enjoyed our accidental skirmish. It’s like a gift from above, seeing you after all these years. Your smile and the color of your eyes will forever be branded in my mind, to give me a reason to fight. To have a dream,”

  I’m momentarily floored by Marvel’s florid little speech. Nobody has ever said anything nearly as sweet and gallant as that to me, and for a moment, I forget all about my dead sister and father, the war, and my own sorrow. 

  I avert my eyes, bashfully, as he finishes picking up his vittles off the floor.

  “That’s the nicest thing anyone’s ever said to me,” I lean over to pick up a can of milk, and put it on top of his pile. 

  “I only speak the truth,” he smiles brightly. 

  My mother chooses to interrupt at the exact moment I bat my lashes at him, “Katniss, there you are! I’ve been waiting for you by the counter.” She shakes her head. 

  Marvel wobbles on his feet, rearranging his load, and then greets my mother, warmly, “Mrs. Everdeen, how nice to see you again,” 

  My mother eyes him, unimpressed. “Good afternoon, young man,” she answers. 

  “Ma’am… pardon my forwardness, but, would it be too troublesome to ask Miss Katniss to accompany a soldier about to be shipped out, to supper in the town?” 

  My mother narrows her eyes, distrust dripping from her voice as she speaks, “I’m not so sure that’s a good idea. My daughter and I are in mourning, you see,”

  “Oh, this won’t be an untoward celebration of any kind, ma’am. With the war raging on, we’re all in mourning. All I ask for is one last night of normalcy, a chance to reconnect with an old grade-school mate,” he smiles, hopefully, “For old times sake?” 

  I’m watching my mother’s face closely, with bated breath.

  “Very well,” Mother sighs, “You may ask Katniss out to dinner. But have her home by 9 sharp!”  

  I don’t hesitate to step up and give him directions to my apartment building in District 12. 

  I spend the rest of my day giddy and nervous, pressing my best Sunday suit, the gray one with the matching jacket, and polishing my only pair of leather shoes. There isn’t much I can do about my hair… the thing can’t be fashioned into the favored waves, not even putting it in curlers overnight, so I let it be. 

  I briefly wonder if this was all Prim’s doing? Meeting Marvel and mother’s somewhat easy aquiciscent. Prim hated seeing me sad, and constantly talked about how she’d love to help me get ready for dates with a beau. She couldn’t wait to be of courting age and date a strapping, young man herself… but of course, that would never happen for her, but she would probably still want to see me have those things. 

  Maybe Marvel is right, and our serendipitous encounter is a gift from above, to heal our wounds… at least for the night. 

  ————————-

  Marvel arrives at my house in his father’s car at 5:45. Riding is now such a luxury, with gasoline being rationed and all. He takes me to a quaint little dinner in the middle of town. We share malts, a greasy burger, and a small portion of fries and onion rings. 

  We talk about baseball:

  “You’d look good in a baseball uniform, Kit! Can you still run as fast as you did in school?” 

  I laugh. “I’m not much for sports,” I demure, “but I’ve heard playing in one of the new teams pays alright. Anyway, I’m gonna be starting my second year of college soon. I put my studies on hold while Prim was at her worst, but now that it’s only just me and mother… I’m anxious to go back to study.”

  “Wow, beautiful and smart!”

  We talk about cars:

  “I loved driving… but Mother sold our car when my sister took a turn for the worse. She didn’t want to at first, saying that Father saved up to buy it, and it held sentimental value to her, but I had to push to sell it. We needed the money and gas was a nightmare to come by, anyway,”

  “The only reason we still have ours,” says Marvel, “is because Pa is too stubborn to let go of the things that still made him feel wealthy.” He scowls, “He’s trying to get into the ice business now, since it’s pretty much the only thing one where the raw material is plenty and relatively cheap, and there’s guarantee that people will buy the product… everyone still needs ice for their ice boxes, right?” 

  No one can afford luxuries anymore with every penny going out to support our boys in the battlefields.

  We talk about many other subjects: his sister’s wedding; my father’s unit getting pinned and killed by Germans… We didn’t get a body to bury, but I got a medal on his behalf as his eldest child. 

  Marvel lets me sniffle against his chest, and then kisses my lips slowly. 

  I’ve never been kissed on the lips, and I feel my face heat up. 

  “Would you… like to take a drive with me, Kit?”

  We drive all the way to the city limit. It’s exhilarating to be in a car again, and sitting at the overlook, at twilight,  alone with a handsome boy, feels positively forbidden! 

  I’ve never done anything remotely injudicious all my life, and this whole moment feels… magical… exciting! 

  Tentatively, I initiated our next kiss, but he takes over in a rush of caresses and flitting touches. 

  “Beautiful, graceful, Kit. You have no match!”

  “Marvel…” I kiss him again, not knowing how to answer his sentiments with words.

  His hands are restless, groping my shoulders and elbows. “I wished he had more time! I would’ve loved to marry you before departing. I would’ve show you so much passion and love!”

  “You still can show me, Marvel… you absolutely can!” 

  It’s all the permission he needs to dive into a frenzy. He doesn’t stop until the deed is done, and we’re a sweaty, tangled mess of limbs in the back seat of the car, only partially clothed. 

  A deep feeling of lethargy pours over me. My muscles are sore and heavy, and wished I could fall asleep in here. 

  “I intend on coming back to marry you, Katniss,” Marvel says, stretching his lanky, long legs to zip up his pants. 

  I sit up and start finger-combing my ruined hair, hoping my mother won’t notice the strands are extra frizzy. “Um… I guess we should after this,” I say shyly, gesturing between us. 

  “You could still go to college while I’m away,” he offers with magnanimity.

  “You… wouldn’t mind that?” I ask incredulous, college women are so rare, unless they’re trying to become nurses or teachers. Most girls start courting right after high school and get married in the span of one to two years, and their husbands don’t normally encourage an education beyond what their wives came into the marriage with; so to hear Marvel say that wouldn’t mi d me stay in college is just about the greatest thing possible!

  “My darling, Kit, I don’t want you to be one of those girls pining and wasting away for her beau. I’ll be busy at war, it’ll be unfair to keep you from occupying your own time while you wait fir my return. Go to college, my clever girl!”

  I smile indulgently at him, leaning closer to slip his necktie around the collar of his shirt, “You are truly a generous, loving man,” I say.

  Marvel beams, circling my waist with his arms pulling me against his body. “It’s all inspired by you, sugar plum!”

  I giggle, kissing his cheek, “I’ll write to you every day!” I promise. 

  “That’s nice… but just so you know, I might not be able to write back right away. It’ll be a while before I get settled enough to write. But you’ll be in my thoughts every minute of every day, and that’s the honest truth! I’m serious about marrying you when I return, Kit,” he kisses me again. And then, he looks at his watch, sighing. “It’s 8:32. We should get on going, gotta keep in my future mother-in-law’s good graces!” 

  We share a carefree laugh, and finish tidying ourselves up to drive back to my house. 

  He walks me to the door, takes me in his arms, and kisses me passionately before promising he’d be back to officially ask for my hand in marriage, and for my part, I swear I’ll write to him every day until he returns home safe and sound. 

  But neither of us keeps our promises in the end, although I tried. 

  ————————-

  Three weeks go by and I keep my word of writing daily letters. I receive no word in return from Marvel, but think nothing of it… Europe is far and traveling by sea is tedious and time consuming; Marvel will get in touch once he’s settled down. 

  Another week goes by, still without news from my would-be fiancé. I still don’t worry. I’ve been busy with university, and the few other girls attending school with me keep me busy, but my heavier workload is starting to get to me.

  I’m usually so tired and moody after school that socializing with my classmates becomes a chore. I barely eat supper before I’m passing out in bed, and my letters to Marvel start to get shorter and simpler with every passing day.

  I skip writing one afternoon altogether, and take a long nap. Buttercup— Prim’s ugly cat— perches on my bed like a sentinel to watch me sleep. I believe he’s worried about me… stupid, clingy cat thinks I’m sick.

  But the feline’s intuition proves right, because just two days later, I shoot out of bed and run into the washroom to spill every last ounce of last night supper into the toilet. I must’ve caught a bug or something! 

  I feel queasy and lightheaded every morning after. My appetite wanes and it seems my delicate stomach can only tolerate pears, and broth. 

  I visit the post office to place out my letters to Marvel almost everyday; Every time I come, the nice old mailman comments on how sweet it is to see all the young-uns holding romance strong. Marvel has yet to respond to one of my letters, so I just smile tightly and demure. 

  I’ve been thinking though; the longer I go without news of my supposed future husband, and despite the whirlwind night of romance with him, I start questioning my actions, my promises. I never wanted to marry before, and suddenly I was okay getting a hasty, unofficial engagement with a virtual stranger, I barely remember from grade school… maybe it’s better if Marvel never writes. 

  My plans on earning a college degree and finding a well paying job will go unencumbered— I’m aware women in prominent working professions are as rare as snow in July, but women’s presence in the working forces keep growing as industries need laborers to keep up producing while the men fight in the war. Educated women are almost becoming less rare. 

  At the two month mark since I last saw Marvel, I become weepier than usual… is to be expected in my opinion; Prim’s been gone for a little over two months and she was the only person I knew I loved. But now I’m worrying about my health on top of everything.

  One morning, while I’m kneeling on the cold, hard floor in front of the toilet, feeling miserable and tired, my mother calls my name from the open door.

  “Katniss, I think it’s time to get a test.” She states evenly, and then enters the room to fetch a damp washcloth to wipe my face clean. “I hope I’m wrong, but I’m afraid you may be with child,” she sighs. 

  I squirm. “No,” I gasp. “I— I can’t be with child. I just can’t!” But the thought has crossed my mind a few times already. “It’s not supposed to be this way!”

  “I know, child,” My mother pats my head, “there’s only one way to know. Get dressed for the day, I will call the most discreet physician I know, and have him pay us a visit.” 

  ————————-

  Doctor Aurelius— a physician my mother has helped deliver babies and treat maladies with— confirms the pregnancy with a grim face. 

  I sit at my kitchen table numb and despondent. My mother writes a check to the doctor for his services, while talking in no so hush tones in the other room. I listen to their whole conversation, as if submerged in water.

  “I blame myself for this, doctor. I should have kept a closer eye on her,” 

  “Don’t blame yourself Ms. Everdeen, it’s that war business bringing out all sorts of evil into the world! It’s unfortunate the rise of these cases in our community. Young ladies— from good families!— engaging in acts ought to be saved for marriage. Youth do things without thinking, guided by fear. Our boys fear they may not return from that senseless, awful war, and settle down properly, and I don’t blame them one little bit.”

  “The only solace I have right now, is that my poor husband is not here to see the shame that’s fallen over our family,”

  “I understand the sentiment, ma’am. There’s no telling how Preacher Everdeen would’ve taken this blow. But I’m sure things will work out as soon as young Katniss hears from the father…” 

  I dissolve into silent tears then. My mother escorts the doctor to the door and then there’s silence. 

  My pinky finger curls into the soft fabric of the table cloth, and I try to ignore the urge to vomit boiling in my stomach. There’s one thought circling mi mind: my college days are over.

  ——————————-

“Ah! Miss Everdeen, I have something for you.” Says the mailman as soon as I reach the desk. He smiles, but rather sadly, like he’s about to give me bad news. 

  I’ve come to the post office with urgent letters every day for 6 days, and he’s never looked at me this way. 

  The old man digs around for a moment and almost reluctantly, passes a parcel tied up in twine. An envelope is attached to the top of the parcel, and with a sinking feeling, I realized it’s a stack of my own letters. 

  “It came in today, miss.” Says the man, voice laced with pity. “Sorry for your loss.” He says. 

  At first I don’t understand what he could possibly mean by that; he’s offered his sympathies fir my dead father and sister already; it makes absolutely no sense to repeat himself randomly after so long. 

  Then it hits me like a ton of bricks. 

  I gasp, and press the parcel to my chest. “Oh no! Marvel!” I whisper. I give the man a hasty wave, thanking him, and rush out of the post office like mad. 

  Tears run down my cheeks, while I dash home, imagining the worst. “Poor, Marvel!” Is all I can think.

  “Katniss, what’s wrong?” My mother calls, alarmed, when I rush to my bedroom, sobbing. She follows me in, and watches me tear into the envelope at the top of the stack. 

  I frown in confusion when I’m met with handwritten, chicken-scratch scrawl, instead of a formal missive typed in official US military stationary. 

  My scowl deepens as my eyes rove over the flowery vocabulary, and then I screech, “What?!” 

  “Katniss, what’s going on?” 

  I ignore my mother when she approaches to read over my shoulder; I step around her, shaking the piece of paper in my hands and stand by the window, as if sunlight will make the words change their meaning.

  I smooth the creases and folds on the page over, and read out loud, “Dearest Kit, sorry it took so long to write, it’s been a wild time since we arrived and finding time to correspond with everyone back home it’s been hard.

  “At times, your letters have been the sole source of light and hope in the darkness of this conflict. Is for that reason, and with a heavy heart, that I must come clean to you now. I truly meant it when I swore to come back and make you my wife, but as the Good Book says, the Lord works in mysterious ways, and love has sprouted out the most unlikely place! Kit, I’ve fallen in love and married a lovely gal here in England…”

  I stop reading. He goes on talking about the why and how, but I sincerely don’t care. 

  “That good for nothing, virtue dasher, future crushing… liar!” My mother bleats to the ceiling, raising her palms over her head, dramatically. 

  I’m angry too, of course. I feel used and disposed of like a dirty rag, but my mother’s reaction is borderline hilarious. Except, it isn’t. 

  I’m pregnant, unmarried, and soon— once my still flat stomach starts rounding— I’ll be socially ostracized for my condition. My only saving grace was the promise of marriage that bastard Marvel had given me. But that’s gone now. 

  “I knew that boy was bad news the second I laid eyes on him! He never even introduced himself to me, the little weasel! This is my fault. My fault! I should’ve never allowed you to run amok with the likes of him…”

  “Mother, will you please?” I nearly growl, gesturing at the open bedroom door.

  She stares at me uncomprehendingly for a moment, before pursing her lips in disapproval, and stalking out of the room muttering her aggravation under her breath. 

  I sink into my bed with Marvel’s stupid letter crumpling in my fist. A single, hot, angry tear rolls down my face, and for the first time since finding out of its existence, I hug my midsection and address my child, “I’m so sorry for dragging you into this mess. I know you didn’t ask for a mother like me, but I’m all you got now, little one. I promise we will be alright… I’ll try not to let you down.”

  ———————-

  My mother has been unbearable for the last two days. She cries in her room worse than when Prim died, and when she sees me, she starts lamenting my poor choice, like I’m not even standing there… as if I don’t feel discouraged enough. 

  I keep myself busy with my education. I will need to earn this diploma now more than ever before, and I need to do as much as I can before the baby arrives and my studies get put on hold. 

  In the meantime, I scout the newspapers for possible work options to sustain me and my mother. Our savings keep diminishing and the small stipend my mother got from the Army since my father passed away is becoming more insufficient by the day. 

  There’s a knock on the front door, and I push out my chair unhappy by the interruption. 

  “Afternoon Miss Katniss! Would you let your mother know she’s got a telephone call down in the lobby?” Says the building’s doorkeeper. 

  “Of course, thank you. She’ll be right down!”

  Telephones are yet another luxury we had to give up when moved to this small place after losing my father. 

  I go back to my job hunt, and my mother descends to the lobby, quickly. 

  She returns after only 10 minutes, almost running through the door, excitedly calling my name. Tears wet her face, but her smile is so blinding, even without knowing what sort of news she’s heard to cause her such joy, I stand from the table with nervous anticipation. 

  “Oh, Katniss! Katniss my dear daughter, you’re saved!” She exclaims, hugging me tightly. 

  I’m confused. I step away from her embrace, “What do you mean?” 

  “It’s the best thing possible ever, I tell you! The Lord has answered all of my prayers!”

  “This is all so exciting and all, mother, but… could you please share this great news already?” 

  My mother cups my face in her hands, and beams at me, “You need to pack your things, darling! Your father’s good friend, Reverend Undersee, has found a husband, and you are to wed, in three days time!”

  —————————

Reverend Undersee and his daughter, Madge, meet me and my mother at the rinky dink bus station, in the equally tiny town my mother has banished me to.

  “Katniss! How long has it been?” Says Madge, hugging me enthusiastically.

  I bite my tongue to keep the acidic retort of “not long enough!” to leave my mouth. 

  “Welcome to Panem,” says the reverend, soberly, shaking my mother’s hand in greeting.

  “Thank you, revered. We appreciate your hospitality and your understanding,” my mother responds, then gives me a pointed look and a wordless command. 

  I nod and mutter, “Thank you, sir. Madge,” 

  I scowl at a crack in the pavement, not feeling an iota of gratefulness for this charade! 

  Any man agreeing to this questionable union has to either be desperate, or be hiding terrible, ulterior motives to go along with all of this. Nobody in their right mind would willingly marry a girl pregnant with another man’s baby, and be happy about it… unless that’s the reason! 

  I shudder at the thought. 

  But it is a very real possibility that my intended is a simpleton, who can’t find a wife otherwise… or worse! It could be a man very advanced in age, looking for a supple, young body to leech off. Gross!

  My mother had been too excited about the news that a man offered to marry me (as if I asked for, or even wanted a husband!) to bother to ask his name. 

  Reverend Undersee coughs daintily, clears his throat, and starts, like he’s giving a lecture at the university. “It is our Christian duty to lend a helping hand to widows and orphans in their time of needs. Same way it’s our duty to keep the memory and honor of an old friend from being dragged into the mud.”

  I wince at the harsh words, and let my face fall lower, if that’s even possible. 

  “Well, it’s a good thing that we are all recipients of the abundant grace of the Lord, which covers multitude of faults, and it’s never hard to reach,” a deep, velvety, masculine voice cuts into my embarrassment. 

  I lift my eyes from the ground, to find a man striding confidently in our direction. He smiles kindly at me, his eyes fixed on my own, like I’m the only person still standing in the station.

  He finally cedes our staring contest, to take in the rest of the group.

  A knot forms in the pit of my stomach, because I recognize him from years past when my family used to visit this town, and I’m afraid I know exactly why he’s here. 

  “Good afternoon, all. I apologize for my tardiness, I had a last second detail to take care of before leaving the house,” he nods in our general direction, taking his hat off; a riot of ashy blonde curls falls onto his forehead, before bending forward to shake my mother’s hand, “I’m Peeta Mellark, at your service, ma’am. It’s a pleasure to make your acquaintance.” 

  “Likewise, mister Mellark,” says my mother, her lips twitch tersely, “Widow Everdeen, and this here is my daughter Katniss… your bride.” 

  Peeta Mellark’s baby blue eyes slip back to mine, and the left side corner of lips curls into a shy, earnest smile. “Welcome to Panem, Katniss, I’ll sure do my best, so you’d like it here.”

[onemustalwaysbecarefulofbooks]

Here’s your Daily Dose of some Hard to Swallow Pills: Feyre’s title of High Lady essentially means nothing.

I’m not even saying that to be an asshole. I literally mean that it is just a fancy title and nothing more. Feyre is only “High Lady” because Rhys says she is.

I understand what SJM was going for here and yes, if read at face value, it comes across as something so badass and feminist. But when you take a second to stop and take a look at the way the actual magic system is set up in Prythian, it kind of changes things.

It is explicitly stated in the series that High Lords are CHOSEN through some innate force that controls the magic of each individual court. High Lords are not elected, they are not selected, it’s not a monarchy or a democracy, or an oligarchy, or anything else. When one High Lord dies, the force/magic that makes him the High Lord immediately passes on to the person who will be the next High Lord. If I don’t like my High Lord, I can’t go out and lead a revolution, kill him, and declare myself the new High Lord. Through Sarah’s own words, this is how it works. This is how we end up with people like Tamlin, who don’t WANT to be High Lord. It is something outside of anyone’s control. The power of the High Lord is something that is given to them from the Earth and then returned to it at the end of their life to be passed on to someone else.

Sarah has established that this is how it is. She has also established that, under this magic system, in the thousand year history of Prythian, this power has only ever been given to males. Never once has this power chosen or been given to a woman (which makes Tamlin’s statement of “There are no High Ladies” honestly seem way less like a misogynistic dismissal and more of just. . .a fact? It’s not Tamlin’s fault that this mysterious power has only been given to males. If Prythian is thousands of years old and not ONCE has this power been bestowed to a female, is Tamlin really sexist for stating that High Ladies aren’t a Thing? I’m pretty sure if you surveyed every citizen on the continent of Prythian, they would probably all express something similar. But I digress).

Rhys is the High Lord of the Night Court. He was given this power by some mysterious force within the Earth that declared him to be so. There are certain things he can do that no one else can, in terms of ruling and protecting the Night Court. When he gets with Feyre, he declares her to be the High Lady of the Night Court. But that’s the thing: HE declares her to be.

Hard Truth: If Rhys died tomorrow (and let’s pretend Feysand’s Too Stupid to be Real “romantic” bargain to die when the other does never happened because honestly, it never should have), Feyre would not be left with any kind of sway over the Night Court. Those who were opposed to her would be under no obligation to listen to or obey her. The great power of the High Lord would be passed on to someone else. . .most likely either Nyx or, God forbid, Kier. Whoever this person was would be able to dismiss Feyre entirely. She has no power over anyone, other than what Rhys grants her. There is no task she can perform, magical rite of passage she can undertake, nothing marking her as High Lady at all other than “because Rhys said so”. When looked at it through this angle, I fail to see how this is something super impressive. It is impressive in the sense that Rhys respects his lady and WANTS her to rule by his side and be involved in the things that she can be. But this is something impressive about Rhys. . .not about Feyre herself. Feyre being High Lady is more about Rhys than it actually is about her. 

That’s why, whenever Feyre is presented or described to someone as “the High Lady of the Night Court” and people either cower, or gawk in awe, or grovel, or the narrative beats you over the head with how amazing she is because of this, I have to chuckle to myself. Being “High Lady” does not mean what the narrative would like you to think it means. Feyre is a queen consort who’s husband, the monarch, respects her and wants her take. That’s it. She is not Rhys’s equal in terms of being a leader. In terms of respect granted to her under his rule, perhaps. But she has no actual power or tie to the land that matches his. I’m not saying this to hate, it is literally just a fact, based off of what Sarah herself created within this world. If she didn’t want people to say or believe things like this, she shouldn’t have written it this way. She easily could have made the High Lords be selected in a more traditional way, like a familial monarchy, or through a competition/challenge of strength and power. Instead, the role is something they have no choice in and is so powerful it’s tied to and bestowed by the Earth itself. Trying to say that that is the same thing as Rhys walking out one day and saying “Feyre is now your High Lady!” is not a comparable situation. 

What I find even more hilarious is that, even if you don’t base any of this on the technical magic system, and look at it purely from an emotional moral standpoint---a woman who looks out for, defends, and cares for her people at all costs. Who rallies them together, provides for them what they need. Who has the respect of her people and her mate, who trust her to do right by them. Who her people look to in times of trouble and danger. Surely THAT is enough to be considered “High Lady?”

You’re right. You’re absolutely right. Feyre wasn’t Prythian’s first “High Lady”. Viviane was.

[marjansmarwani]

would’ve loved you for a lifetime

Tarlos || 7.6k || ao3

Prompt: Characters are secretly married and one of them is hurt at work 

-----

The story of how TK and Carlos came together, and how they almost missed out on their future before it even got a chance to start.

For the wonderful @acejuddryder on her birthday! I hope you enjoy this AC and that you have a day as good as you deserve 💕

I came across this prompt a while ago and @bellakitse encouraged me to write it and I am so glad she did! I have been wanting to do a non-linear narrative for a while, and this worked perfectly for that. Shoutouts to both @officereyes and @firefighterstrand for helping me with bits and editing for me, you’re champs 🥰

--------

Judd watched as TK went about repacking the first aid kit with a smile on his face, humming to himself. This had been going on for the majority of their 24-hour shift now and in hour 23, Judd’s patience was finally up. 

“Okay kid, what gives? You’ve been grinning like the butcher’s dog all shift.” 

TK glanced up from his work, startled, “I have not.” 

“Yeah, you have dude,” Marjan informed him as she tossed him more supplies, “want to fill us in?” 

“It’s not just today either,” Paul noted, coming around from the other side of the engine, “you’ve been suspiciously chipper for a few days now.” 

“Can’t a guy just be happy without getting the third degree? Jeez.” 

“There’s happy, and then there’s this.” 

“You too Mateo, really? I thought you had my back, man.” 

“Don’t guilt-trip the probie,” Paul admonished, throwing his polishing rag at TK for emphasis, “just tell us what’s up.” 

TK was saved the trouble of dodging the question by the sound of his phone ringing in his pocket. 

“Saved by the bell,” he declared as he fished it out of his pocket and stepped to the back of the rig for some semblance of privacy. 

“Don’t count on it lasting,” Judd called after him, “we’re getting right back into this as soon as you are done.” 

The others returned to their tasks, eager to finish with the end of their shift in sight. Their focus was soon broken by the sound of a gasp and a clattering sound from where TK stood. They all looked over to see TK, standing on the other side of the engine bay, expression stricken and body trembling. 

“TK?” Paul asked hesitantly but got no response. Not even an indication that their teammate had heard him. They crossed over as a group but Judd got there first and reached down to grab the abandoned phone. The call was still going. He watched as Marjan approached TK, comforting hands reaching for his and Paul reminded him to breathe in his even, calming voice as he lifted the abandoned phone to his ear.

“Hello?” 

“Mr. Strand?” 

“No, this is his friend. He seems to be...a little out of sorts right now.” 

The voice on the other end sighed, “that’s understandable. Would you please just inform him that his husband should be heading into surgery shortly and that he should check in upon his arrival so that the doctor can give him an update?” 

Husband? Judd was so stuck on that word he almost missed the rest of the sentence. He managed to unfreeze his brain long enough to answer, “Of course, I’ll make sure he gets there. What hospital?” 

“St. David’s.” 

“Thank you.” 

Judd hung up the phone and stared at it for a moment. He felt the eyes of the team on him but he took a steadying breath before he looked up. When he did he ignored the curious gazes of the others and looked directly at TK, “they said I should tell you that your husband should be heading into surgery shortly, and that you should check-in when you get there so a doctor can update you.” 

TK nodded, but said nothing else. No explanation, no objection that they were wrong; that he didn’t have a husband. 

Because as far as Judd had known as of a few minutes ago, he didn’t. 

“I need to go,” TK finally said and his voice was so pained it almost hurt to hear, “I need to get there.” 

“I hate to break it to you man,” Paul said gently, “but you are in no shape to drive right now.” 

“I’ll take him.” 

The words were out of his mouth before he had even fully processed them. But when the eyes of the team fell to him, he repeated them: “I’ll take him. Clear it with Cap?” 

The others nodded and he hoped they had picked up on what was left unsaid: tell Owen that he apparently has a son-in-law he doesn’t know about; tell the Captain that TK is a wreck but that Judd had him. 

“There’s only a bit of shift left, we should be able to hold down the fort. Go, and keep us updated.” 

Judd nodded at Paul and the others before reaching out a hand to put on TK’s shoulder, “C’mon kid, let’s go.” 

His voice and guiding hand were gentle, and TK barely nodded before allowing himself to be led out of the station and to Judd’s truck. He climbed into the passenger seat silently and didn’t utter a word for the whole drive. All Judd could do was shoot him concerned glances and try to push back all the unanswered questions in his mind. Now was not the time for answers —his one and only concern was making sure TK was okay. The rest could come later. 

----------

They started on a Tuesday. 

As things went it wasn’t a particularly notable day for a beginning, but there wasn’t much notable about their start. 

They were two people colliding; contrasting desires meeting in the in between, in the common ground. They wanted different ends but the means suited them both just fine. It was hot and heavy; it was rough and quick. It was needy and physical and everything they wanted (if only for a moment). 

Then eventually, it was more. 

Not at first —it wasn’t more for a long time. For months it was just blowing off steam, just mind blowing sex. There were a few dates of varying success, but they continued their dance around each other and the feelings they both had. Then TK got shot and they both watched their potential future teetering on the edge, ready to topple over with the weight of uncertainty. Eventually TK woke up to the chaos of adjusting to life again and a solar storm, and in the quiet that followed the chaos they found themselves in each other. 

From there it was simple: after the start they had it couldn’t be anything but. In all that time they had gotten to know each without really meaning to and now they found themselves fitting together like a pair of gloves; fine on their own, but infinitely better together. They slipped into rhythms like they did embraces, and they were happy. 

They dedicated time to getting to know what they were without an audience and without really realizing it, they had become a secret. A badly kept one, but a secret none-the-less. They existed in the peripherals, their life together a separate entity from their lives as seen by the rest of the world. 

From the outskirts they became TK and Carlos and as time went on, there was less and less space between their bodies, their names, and their hearts. 

And with each passing Tuesday, they grew closer. 

---------

Judd kept stealing glances at TK. 

They were in the waiting room of the hospital, and TK had spent every moment since they sat down anxiously bouncing his leg while he fiddled with the necklace he always wore. 

“Hey, it’s gonna be okay.” 

“You don’t know that Judd.”

His voice was strained and quiet, so unlike the TK Judd was used to. He followed his gaze to the door the nurse had informed them the doctor would be coming through to give TK an update. That was nearly 10 minutes ago and TK’s eyes hadn’t left the door once. 

Judd had so many questions but wasn’t sure how to broach the topic. How do you ask your friend about a spouse you didn’t know they had when they are full of fear of losing them? 

He was saved the trouble of trying when TK spoke beside him, “I know what you’re thinking, just go ahead and ask.” 

His voice was resigned and Judd felt bad for even thinking about the question, but he did need to know. 

“You have a husband. Is it...someone we know?” 

TK pulled his glance away from the door long enough to glance at Judd. After a moment, he nodded: “Carlos.” 

“How long?” 

“Not long.” 

“Are you…” he began, but trailed off. He wasn’t sure what to ask. He had been leaning towards “happy,” but that seemed wrong in this context.  He didn’t know what the right thing to say was;  he had no idea how to approach this situation. He wished Grace was here. She was so much better at this kind of stuff.

They were quiet again until TK spoke, “I love him Judd.” 

The admission was made quietly, TK’s voice low and sad. Judd turned to look at him and TK met his eyes as he continued, “I need him in my life. I don’t know what I’d do without him. I can’t lose him, Judd.” 

Judd swallowed as he studied TK’s expression. It was full of a familiar fear; one that he had felt anytime he thought about the mere idea of losing Grace. He reached out a hand and gave TK’s shoulder a comforting squeeze. He knew better to promise that it would be alright — they had no way of knowing that. Instead he settled on a truth he knew. 

“You’ll get through this,” he told TK firmly, “and you won’t be alone.” 

--------

Time passed and they began to learn the mysteries of each other past the physical. Before TK knew just the spot to kiss to make Carlos moan each and every time, now he could tell you the name of his childhood dog and that when he was 5, he had wanted to be an astronaut. 

Carlos still knew all the ways to make TK melt under his touch but now he also knew how TK had pushed himself in the fire academy so he could feel worthy of the legacy of being the legendary Owen Strand’s son. Their secrets emerged from the shadows into open hearts, more and more revealing themselves with each passing day.

Stolen hours became endless evenings and frantic hookups became languid movie nights. Time passed and they began to feel at home with each other. Soon it became normal for TK to show up at Carlos’s home at the end of his shift as it slowly became more of a home to him. But, then again, the person who lived there was starting to feel an awful lot like home too. 

Their connection was generally known; they weren’t trying to sneak around. But while seeing them dancing at the bar or grabbing lunch at a food truck became more and more commonplace, the depth of their relationship was still a secret from most —including them, for a time. Michelle likely knew, Paul surely suspected; but the fact that they were falling more and more in love each passing day was a surprise to even them. 

It was TK who said it first; in a casual moment without a second thought. Carlos nearly tripped over his own feet when he heard it, but it had been like a dam breaking and soon it became commonplace, almost like breathing for them both. 

Time went on and their love grew. Time went on and they grew together —learning each other's edges and finding out where they fit. They were a puzzle, slowly coming together until the right piece was found. From there, it was a quick solve before the final picture revealed itself. 

And what a picture it was, Carlos thought to himself as he lay in his bed, watching TK sleeping soundly beside him. There were times he had to stop himself from reaching out to touch him, to make sure he was real. Sleep didn’t come easily to the other man and once it was found it was easily lost, so Carlos refrained, allowing his gaze to do the work for him. After everything he could scarcely believe they were here, after everything he couldn’t believe that they had found each other.  

These were his favorite nights, he decided. The ones where he got to fall asleep to the sight of TK beside him, the nights he was lulled to sleep by the sound of his breathing. He knew he wanted more nights like this — really, he wanted every night to be like this. 

But it was too soon for that, so for now he would savor the nights they had.

[continue reading on ao3]

[mmmleckerlecker]

Character songs for HP big 3:

I was listening to Mother Mother, thought it would fit Felix, and then it spiraled from there. Thanks for coming to my TED Talk.

It’s Alright by Mother Mother and Creep by Radiohead for Felix

THIS MAN NEEDS THERAPY 😭 I feel like it represents his current state of mind. Especially after the last chapter, he thinks of himself as this awful monster that’s just going to spiral into something way way worse

Creep because the lyrics “I don’t care if it hurts, I want to have control” fits Felix SO much and the rest of the song highlights his unhealthy dependence on Benji, how he sees him as this idealized version in his head

Tired by Beabadoobee or Motion Sickness by Phoebe Bridgers for Benji

Tired because I think it depicts Benji’s thoughts last chapter fairly well. The lines “You haven’t felt right for days. Is it the fact you never say what comes in your mind that day.” and “You haven’t been good for long. Is it the sound of your own thoughts that always keeps you up at night? Maybe it’s time to say goodbye? ‘Cause I’m getting pretty f*cking tired.” stand out to me the most and made me change my decision from Me and My Husband (Mitski) to this.

Motion Sickness because the first line “I hate you for what you did and I miss you like a little kid” is so so perfect for Benji’s feelings about Felix.

House of Memories by Panic! At the Disco and Monster by dodie for Camille

I’m annotating these songs now, but the lines “I think of you from time to time, more than I thought I would. You were just to kind, and I was too young to know” fits Camille/Felix so much! Especially with her position in Epomis, Felix at the Facility, how she pretty much grew up around Felix and he was basically another brother to her…until she found out the truth years later.

Monster because her passion for Epomis and making a difference for prey society fits the narrative of this song. I can see her singing the lyrics to Felix, whom she basically is saying that she’s not the person she once was and she’ll do whatever it takes for Epomis

HI IM SORRY THIS TOOK ALMOST TWO WEEKS TO ANSWER. I just wanted to make sure I listened to all the songs a few times to get into them properly!! And also that I took the time to respond to each song in a satisfying way. (Rest of the answer under the cut cause it got long…)

Okay so “It’s Alright.” I know this artist but I didn’t know this song. Tbh I think it’s my favorite of the ones listed. It’s also one of the few you didn’t give a direct quote for but after listening to it…. I understand. You’d probably quote the whole song. You’re so right about it reflecting his state of mind. I imagine he’s like quoting it to himself to get him through the day

And “Creep”! This was like… one of two songs here I already knew lol. I was a little hesitant of this one since i feel like this song is sort of an overused anthem for Misunderstood Sad Boys but then! Your analysis of why it fit made me think about it and yes I can def see it. Especially the quote you gave. And ESP the line after that? “I want a perfect body, I want a perfect soul” like YEAH. I’m sure Felix WOULD appreciate having a body that didn’t crave killing people every day sjskdkdld. also ironic you mentioned this song cause I’ve been listening to the Tom Ellis cover a lot lately cause I’m Lucifer trash

For “Tired” I really liked this one. Slow and soft. I would say the quotes that seemed most relevant to me, but honestly I agree entirely with the ones you sent. And idk in general like I feel like the whole vibe matches Benji. The first time I listened, as soon as she started singing, I was like “yeah this seems about right.” (I also listened to “Me and My Husband” once or twice just to check out that vibe as well and I see it.)

Okay! I also liked the “Motion Sickness” one too! I has the same soft, slow vibe as “Tired” and idk if that was intentional, but I thought it was pretty neat. I deffo agree with your lyric choice! But also consider! “I'm on the outside looking through/ you're throwing rocks around your room/ and while you're bleeding on your back in the glass/ I'll be glad that I made it out and sorry that it all went down like it did” As Benji watching Felix basically make bad choice after bad choice and just digging himself into a deeper hole, and Benji being glad that he got out when he did even tho it wasn’t really a Good Ending the way it happened…. JUST A THOUGHT!!

For “House of Memories”… oho! I honestly never would have thought of this one. This is the only other song i knew beforehand and I love that whole album but I’ve never been particularly attached to this song, so this is a cool choice that made me listen more carefully. Thank you for the annotations because those lyrics match perfectly! I very much agree it fits Camille. (Also funnily enough this isn’t the first time someone has recommended for a playlist a Panic! song that I previously didn’t think much about. The other one was “Casual Affair” which I now also listen to much more closely.)

Okay so “Monster” I think was my second favorite. It has a certain vibe to it that’s like… happy sounding but also in a little Take No Shit type of way? Idk it’s just a Camille Vibe. I feel like I wouldn’t have connected it with her unless you hadn’t said it would be addressed specifically to Felix cause like…. yeah that checks. Now I just associate it with her wholly and my brain keeps imagining that’s how she would sound singing so THANK YOU FOR THIS (but like actually).

Okay there’s my little analysis of your songs! Thank you for sending them in. I liked them all! 🥰💕

[alexsfictionaddiction]

Review: Vladimir by Julia May Jonas

I think it must have been the vibrant red of the cover and the powerful feeling of frustration and despair that the image evokes. I briefly read the synopsis and was intrigued to see how I’d tackle this literary novel of obsession, academia and whistleblowing.

Our narrator is a well-loved English professor at a small town college. Her husband is also a professor at the same college and he has been accused of inappropriate behaviour with his students. Their marriage has always been open but these accusations have put a strange dynamic on their relationship. Enter a handsome, married, young writer Vladimir and our narrator’s head is fully turned with no way back.

I didn’t care for our narrator very much at all. I’m not sure if I was supposed to like her or if all my repellence of her was intended but it made it quite difficult for me to read from her perspective. Sometimes she seems very misogynistic and other times, she seems to want women to succeed and be empowered. It meant that I couldn’t trust her and therefore, none of the events of the book had much credibility or certainty that they happened in the manner that they apparently did.

Our narrator’s daughter Sidney is having her own relationship problems and she turns up seeking her mother’s support. Sidney is a lesbian and her presence brings discussion of sexuality into the narrative. Our narrator reflects on how restrictive heterosexuality is and how happy she is that her daughter doesn’t have those bindings. It’s an interesting way of thinking about something that we have no control over. As much as some people would seriously disagree, no one chooses to be in the ‘predictable container’ of heterosexuality, just as no one chooses to be gay. I wanted more clarification of what was really being said here and unfortunately, I never got it.

Although I wasn’t convinced that the narrator was on her husband’s accusers’ side, she does seem to acknowledge the importance of fighting injustice. However, she does remove herself from them by saying ‘what they felt were the systemic wrongs of the world’, indicating she doesn’t share their views. She seems to think these girls are speaking out against her husband as some kind of identity experiment, which really jarred me.

Towards the end of the book, the pace quickened and our narrator hints at what she’s really capable of. I was scared of her and I didn’t really know what would happen to Vladimir, who she becomes dangerously obsessed with. I don’t think this bit of excitement really made up for the incredibly slow, dull plot though. 

Vladimir had a lot of potential and if it had been told to me via a more sympathetic, likeable voice, I possibly would have liked it more. Perhaps she is supposed to be an unlikeable, unreliable narrator and if that’s the case, mission accomplished! However, it wasn’t clear and therefore I didn’t really know what to do with the story or what it was trying to tell me. If you like thought-provoking, dark romances with not an awful lot of plot, it might just be for you but it wasn’t really my cup of tea. 

Vladimir by Julia May Jonas is available now in US hardcover. It will be published in the UK by Picador, an imprint of Pan Macmillan, on 26th May 2022.

[shikadainara]

@shikatem replied to your post:

Yes that part pissed me off a lot too. Shikamaru at that moment was lost and did not know how to fight for his family it is clear that after having succeeded in preventing the war his first thought goes to his wife and his son and not to Naruto of course. But I agree that in this novel, Shikamaru does not take his responsibilities as a father and husband and I honestly hope that he is not like that on a daily basis. Otherwise I'll start to regret that Temari left Suna.

yeah like!! i could write an entire essay about how he’s really just pushing himself for his loved ones. like, that’s pretty much what his whole character is lol

while he’s a huge mess, sure, i can’t ever say that i think he’s a bad husband or father though. i feel like intent matters a lot when it comes to close interpersonal relationships. all that happened was that he just made an honest mistake, immediately felt completely awful over it and tried to apologize, and then spends the entire novel fretting over how he could possibly make it up to her while exaggerating in his own head that he thinks she’s mad at him wayyy more than she actually is. someone that was bad wouldn’t even care or try, at least that’s how i see it

plus i think that tem also blames herself since the narrative more or less outright says that she finds it difficult to be completely honest with him.

admittedly, maybe from my perspective i just have a very warped idea of what a normal marriage/parent-child relationship is supposed to look like but. like the scene where he’s trying to ask shikadai why he’s so interested in video games out of a place of genuine curiosity, to the point where he asks for terminology clarification twice? i think that’s incredibly sweet that he cares that much

in any case i like to imagine that what happens after the novel (like in hiden), he gets ordered to take a week off and then they can spend that talking through their communication issues and then all’s good lol

[thebluelemontree]

Is it wrong to say that Sansa uses an out of sight out of mind coping mechanism? I noticed it because it's what I do a lot. I know some ppl say she rewrites traumatic memories to make the memories bearable but it doesn't make sense. If that was how she coped, wouldn't she have been telling herself lies about Joffrey still in acok? Or found a way to erase/rewrite Marillion's attempt to rape her?

Yes and no. She does that except all the times she doesn’t. ;) I think that characterization is extremely reductionist (and ignores character complexity and  growth) when it’s applied that broadly to every situation Sansa has been in. You have to take these things instance by instance because they aren’t all the same. Sometimes that labeling doesn’t fit at all. In many cases, it feels more like the fandom pathologizing the act of romanticizing or trying to push aside or reframe something unpleasant or even traumatic when that’s just something most human beings do now and then. Some do it more than others, but its all within the realm of typical coping behavior and being older or more educated or more “logical” doesn’t make one immune to it. So I hope you don’t let those interpretations make you feel abnormal or more fallible for identifying with Sansa in that way. Romanticizing doesn’t even have to be about coping at all, but simply expressing desire through daydreams. People imagine being in idealized scenarios with crushes all the time.  

You also hit the nail on the head. Sansa just doesn’t go around making up false narratives about every objectively awful thing that happens to her. In fact, her actual responses to those moments can be a useful basis for comparison when we’re analyzing the unkiss, for example. Misunderstanding the unkiss is usually where a lot of these assumptions stem from. That’s a whole other can of worms in itself. The unkiss is just too long of a discussion to put here, so I just recommend this post as to the reasons why it isn’t about trauma and take a browse through my unkiss tag. It does bear repeating that Sansa factually remembers every scary thing that happened during the Blackwater and why it happened, indicating she has processed it honestly and critically, before any incarnation of the unkiss happens. The unkiss is a mismemory added on to the facts, which began as her being the actor that kissed him first. It’s not a lie to deny the facts or to excuse his behavior. It’s regrettable to her that Sandor was not able to be the person she could rely on to get her out of KL at that time. Nonetheless, this repressed desire is just so strong in her that it manifested in a kiss so real she could remember how it felt after the reality of his leaving KL for good sank in. 

Early AGOT Sansa tended to want to move past unpleasantness rather quickly. Just sweep those red flags under the rug so everything can go back to blissful harmony. Sansa is naturally averse to conflict and just wants her present with the royal family to be smooth sailing into a bright future. Ned had a very similar tendency when it came to concerns over Robert’s true character. He saw things that disturbed him, but he hoped and clung to his idea of Robert anyway. For Sansa, this resulted in some misplaced blame and rewriting events so she could deal with the aftermath. This is mostly seen in her processing the Mycah incident after Lady’s death and how her perception of all the characters involved shifted in varying ways. This is after she knew perfectly well what really happened, because Ned says Sansa had already told him the truth of what Joffrey did while Arya was still missing. However, it would also be unfair to completely chalk this up to Sansa’s idiosyncrasies. We have to put her flip-flopping in the context of the situation as well. She’s also experienced a gutting loss with Lady’s death and the fact that the first blow to her innocence was her father volunteering to put Lady down. She doesn’t have Catelyn to go to with her confusion and hurt, and Ned has largely been silent. She’s also still engaged to Joffrey through all this, this is still a patriarchy, there are political ramifications to speaking against a crown prince, and she doesn’t know how to deal with seeing such cruelty and vindictiveness in her future husband. Especially when he responded to her tender concern and wanting to help him with venom and hate. 

I mean, jeez, she’s 11. I don’t expect an 11 year old to understand how to identify the signs of emotional manipulation or see how this situation can escalate into domestic violence. Just because Sansa can’t articulate what is happening within her relationship with Joffrey, doesn’t mean she has blocked out any notion that Joffrey can turn his anger on her. Part of the reason she misplaces blame on Arya (and rewrites what happened) is because Joffrey turns scornful of Sansa for being a witness to his emasculating shame. He punishes her with the cold shoulder because she didn’t immediately take his side and pretended not to see instead. He regains power through making Sansa feel small and fearful of his moods. 

“He had not spoken a word to her since the awful thing had happened, and she had not dared to speak to him.” -- Sansa II, AGOT.

Sansa looked at him and trembled, afraid that he might ignore her or, worse, turn hateful again and send her weeping from the table. -- Sansa II, AGOT.

This is coming from someone who is supposed to love her and someone she will spend the rest of her life with. To fix things, she must be unequivocally on Joffrey’s side going forward or suffer the consequences, which we can see happening as her story completely flips over breakfast sometime later. This is not saying Sansa is fully exonerated from not supporting her sister when she needed her, but that it’s understandable how she arrived at this point. Even when things start to get really bad after Ned’s arrest, Sansa still holds out some hope that she can appeal to Joffrey’s (and Cersei’s) love for her to get him to be merciful. Is it really her fault she believed a part of Joffrey really loved her (and thus was reachable by her pleas) if he also heavily love bombed her and treated her like she was the most special girl in the world? Love bombing is a classic feature of the seduction phase leading up to abuse.  

So we can see Sansa does ignore truths and rewrite events sometimes and her personality is a factor; however, the context surrounding it matters a lot. Post Ned’s execution, Sansa does a full 180 regarding Joffrey and Cersei.

Sansa stared at him, seeing him for the first time. He was wearing a padded crimson doublet patterned with lions and a cloth-of-gold cape with a high collar that framed his face. She wondered how she could ever have thought him handsome. His lips were as soft and red as the worms you found after a rain, and his eyes were vain and cruel. "I hate you," she whispered. -- Sansa VI, AGOT.

Once she had loved Prince Joffrey with all her heart, and admired and trusted his mother, the queen. They had repaid that love and trust with her father's head. Sansa would never make that mistake again. -- Sansa I, ACOK. 

"A monster," she whispered, so tremulously she could scarcely hear her own voice. "Joffrey is a monster. He lied about the butcher's boy and made Father kill my wolf. When I displease him, he has the Kingsguard beat me. He's evil and cruel, my lady, it's so. And the queen as well." -- Sansa I, ASOS. 

There’s also her conscious efforts to push away thoughts of her dead family and Jeyne Poole, but she states why she does that. It’s traumatic, the tears start flowing uncontrollably, and she is desperately trying to avoid falling into another suicidal depression. Her survival in KL depends on her holding it together and appearing loyal and obedient to Joffrey. Mourning her loved ones would imply to Joffrey she is plotting treason. Besides, she knows that even if she did ask Cersei or LF about Jeyne, she has no reason to believe they’d do anything but lie to her face in a patronizing way. There’s no point being plagued with wondering what the truth might be when she can’t do anything about it. Still, she prayed for Jeyne wherever she might be. She genuinely thought Arya had made it to WF on the ship and was safe at least until she got word of her brothers’ deaths and her home being sacked by the Iron Born, though there was initially a touch of projection and fantasizing about Arya being free while she remains captured. As of Feast, she believes she is the last Stark left alive and she has no one but Littlefinger to help her. So while she is suppressing her grief, it’s done with good reason, and it’s not being replaced with any false narratives to cope. 

We also cannot ignore that her relationship to Sandor Clegane has instilled in her an appreciation for the un-sugarcoated truth now that she has experienced betrayal and injustice first hand. In his own way, he’s encouraged her to listen to her own inner bullshit detector. The rose-tinted glasses have become a lot more clear compared to where she started. This is a newly learned skill though, and her self-confidence has been wrecked by internalized verbal abuse. She’s also been left on her own to figure out people’s intentions by herself, which runs parallel to her mounting desperation to get out of KL as Joffrey’s violence escalates. Developing a touch more of a jaded, skeptical side does sometimes clash with her enduring idealism and faith in other people (like with the Tyrells). This struggle is not a bad thing. The goal isn’t to become as cynical as the Hound, but to arrive at an earned optimism that has been tempered by wisdom and practical experience.

Her situation with Littlefinger is much more challenging than anything she faced in KL. He moves her where he wants her to go with complex web of lies, manipulation, grooming, isolation, coercion, dependence, guilt and shame. Her safety and desire to go home are tightly bound to being complicit in his lies and criminal activities. She feels indebted to him for getting her out of KL, even though his methods push her past her boundaries and force her to compromise her moral integrity. The thing is, there are things Sansa does know about LF, but she doesn’t seem to be ready to try and put the puzzle pieces together. She’s not daring to ask probing questions about Lysa’s reference to the “tears” and Jon Arryn or about the possible dangers of Maester Colemon prescribing sweetsleep for Robert’s convulsions. While the subject of Jeyne’s fate is still one she doesn’t want to revisit, somewhere in her mind she does know LF took custody of her friend. If it feels like this is somewhat of a regression back to her early AGOT self, there’s probably some truth to that; however, it’s perfectly okay for positive character arcs to be an imperfect progress. There can be relapses, regressions, setbacks, missteps, and misguided actions. All that growth isn’t lost. Everything she knows is just stored in the back of her mind, not forgotten completely. The general trend line moves her toward successfully confronting Littlefinger with the truth when GRRM is ready to pull the trigger. She’s definitely aware of Littlefinger lying to her more than she lets on and she knows his help is not out of the kindness of his heart, but motivated by what he wants her to be to him. But it’s not like she has the option to go anywhere else, does she? She’s a wanted criminal with a bounty on her head and has no other friend or ally in the Vale she can trust with the truth of her identity. Confronting LF without any means of neutralizing his power over her isn’t the smartest thing to do when he’s shown her he can literally get away with multiple murders. Again, it’s not just her personality that makes her hesitant to pull back the veil and face the horrible truth head on. The outside forces pressuring her perceptions and behavior cannot be discounted either.    

[bedbellyandbeyond]

Doves

(Story Post)

“How do I convince you to go to APID with me today?” “I won't. I'm not giving birth there. They'll cut me open. I absolutes will not be cut open ever again. I'd have to be on my death bed.” It was early February and Dari had been having cramps since the night before. Fay wanted him to go to APID to be properly looked after as he worried about the risks of a twin birth. Fay himself had never had twins but Dari had birthed many multiples before and was very confident he could handle himself.

“Dari, my love. Mon amour. Mon coeur. A c-section would be nothing like any of the surgeries you had in space. In fact with your experience, I bet it'd be the most stress free birth you ever had.” “Don't lie to my face.” Dari was watching Fay dress Katia for the day since he couldn't bend down to help her himself. “And I'm not even in labour. It's Braxton Hicks.” “Don't lie to my face, either,” Fay insisted. “I'm not leaving you here unattended.” “Rheni's still here,” Dari said. “God knows why… But I can do this myself. I always do it myself. If I do go into labour, I'll call you. Worst thing that could happen is you get home and there's two more babies here.” “That is not the worst thing that could happen and you don't always do it yourself,” Fay corrected. “Syd was here for both Siv and Zoe, but Syd can't come because they're sick today so I want you to be at APID so another doctor can watch you.” “How does a dragon get sick, anyway?” Dari asked. “Wasn't that the whole point of them coming back from their vacation, to cover for a sick doctor? Is there something going around targeting doctors?” “No, Reid and Syd's conditions are completely unrelated. Also this conversation is unrelated,” Fay stated. “I'm not forcing you to get a C-section. I just want a medical professional to be within reach of you today because you can't hide the fact that you've been having contractions since last night because every time you did, you kicked me in bed.” “The twins kicked you.” “No, the twins don't have size seven feet.” Dari groaned in frustration. “...I don't want to go.” “What if Camilo's there?” “He won't be. He has class...” “I forgot you keep track of his schedule like a helicopter parent.” “My only goal in life is to be a parent. You keep adding people to my life, I’m going to parent them.” “And yet you won’t act like a parent long enough to just go to my work with me so that we can lower the birth risks of this pregnancy and make sure our children are safe.” Dari crossed his arms, which wasn’t the easiest thing for him to do over his overburdened stomach. He huffed. “You know I don’t like APID. Especially since the name change. Companies only change names when they’ve done something wrong.” “Well, APID is why we can afford this house you want to stay in all day and night and I fought for that name change because the old name was exclusive to aliens and I wanted other nonhumans, myself and my children included, to be represented and not be compared to extra-terrestrial immigrants all the time, because we were born on this planet just like humans and so we shouldn’t be treated like outsiders.” Dari looked down, clenching his teeth as tears welled up in his eyes. “…I’m sorry… I get it, I’m the bad guy here…” “No, Dari…” Fay sighed rubbing his forehead. “…I understand your anxiety around this. But it’s just a matter of coming to APID where there are good facilities and great doctors, and getting through this labour together. You go all the time for the group.” “If you just want to go through this together why can’t you just stay home today with me then?” “Because we don’t have doctors at home. Maybe Milo will become a doctor one day because he loves biology, but at the moment, he’s not, I’m not, you’re not, Rheni’s not, and definitely none of the other children are.” “I know…” “So will you please come to APID with me?” “Can we bring the kids?” Fay let out a long sigh. “…Okay, we’ll bring the kids.”

It took an extra hour to get everyone ready to go. Rheni insisted on coming along to help watch the kids, so he wouldn't be bored at home alone, so calls had to be made to allow him permission. Fay never thought he'd ever be driving a ten-seat van, but when you have five kids in car seats, two more on the way, and a seven-foot red boy, transportation options were very limited. He felt like a bus driver with everyone packed in so tightly. Milo was too big even to sit in the back with his siblings, so he had to sit up front while Dari sat in the back. Fay had been insisting for years that Dari should get his driver’s license so the fish wasn't the only one who could chauffeur everyone around, but it was another one of Dari's fears and it had been dismissed many times. Thankfully, Rheni took up virtually no space. When they did finally arrive, Dari still didn't want to go to the hospital ward. After clearing it with the director, Fay arranged an unused room for them all to hang out in for the time being as he didn't have the energy to argue with him. The kids were more enthusiastic about it than their parents. The first thing Otter proposed was Hide-n-Seek, but Fay shut that down really quickly. Milo had been smart enough to bring some board games along, so they had a family game day for a bit. Halfway through a game of scrabble with Milo and Rheni, Dari asked for help standing up. “Fay, where's the bathroom?” “Oh, I can show you.” Fay was playing Snakes and Ladders with the others while feeding Zoe. “Would you like some help?” “No, no. Just tell me where,” Dari said while Milo got him upright. “You finish with Zoe.” “Okay, it's down the hall on the right,” Fay said. “I really could just bring Zoe with us.” “I don't need—” Dari froze as a sudden rush of fluid soaked his pants. “Fuck.” Fay got up immediately. “It's time, my love.” “…No.” “Dari.” Fay took the babe off his chest and handed her to Rheni. “Your water just broke.” “I peed myself.” “Do you really want to make that the narrative you tell in front of your children?” Fay asked, putting his hands on Dari's shoulders. "You're water broke. We're going to go down to the hospital ward. I have a wheelchair right outside for you.” Dari just went silent and held his stomach stubbornly. Fay picked him up. “Milo, Rheni. Please stay here with the kids for now.” “I wanna go too!” Ariane whined. “We can go down later when your Dad's settled in, okay?” Rheni said. “Fay, we've got this. Go on.” “Thank you,” Fay said before heading out the door. He found the wheelchair he'd prepared and set Dari down in it. “My sweet thing, aren't you excited?” Dari still didn't say anything, just silently grimacing down at the ground. Fay pushed him out to the elevators and set it to the medical ward. He didn't understand why Dari was being so stubborn, but he knew from experience that Dari's births typically proceeded very quickly so he couldn't take any chances and they needed to get him ready as quickly as possible. “My love, what's going on?” Fay asked. “Why are you resisting this?” Dari scrunched up his nose and sniffled, not saying a word. “Mon dieu, are you okay? How bad is the pain? One to ten.” “It's not the contractions…” Dari let out. “…I don't want this to end…” The doors opened and Fay sighed, pushing him out. “Everything ends, my love…” They got to the reception area where Köbi was at the front desk taking patients. He saw them come in and immediately got up to help. “Oh, hello! Babies coming, yes?” Fay hadn't yet had the chance to meet Köbi before but he looked capable enough. “Yes, we're having twins and his births traditionally go very very quickly.” “Right, I'll get a stretcher and—” “No, just push me,” Dari emitted. Köbi paused, not really sure what to say. “Um…” “Just show us where to go,” Fay said. “I called down earlier for a birthing pool?” “Yes, it's ready!” Köbi said. “This way, please. And congratulations!” He took them to the prepared room and finished getting things ready for them. By the time he himself was prepared, Fay already had Dari stripped and in the water of the little pool, rubbing his back and belly. “Come on, my love,” Fay said. “You can do this.” “I know…” Dari stated, holding his stomach through a contraction. “Don't let him touch me…” “Dari, he's a professional.” “I've never met that man in my life… He's not allowed to touch me.” Fay sighed but addressed Köbi. “Hey, I know this is a little unorthodox, but we're very used to unassisted births with just a professional on standby to help, so if you could just wait in case we need you, that would be really great.” Köbi quickly. “That's fine! I have everything you need set up and, um, I'm Köbi by the way.” “Right. Uh, I'm Fay and this is my husband Dari,” Fay said. “He looks like you,” Dari muttered. “Dari, you can't say that… We don't look that alike.” “I don't mean it like that. You actually do look a lot alike. Big fucking hair and all…” “Are you ready to push? I'm going to check your progress…” Köbi just stood awkwardly to the side and watched. He wasn't sure what he was supposed to do. He figured he could rearrange the baby blankets some more… “You're completely dilated already,” Fay said. “Push, my love.” Dari scrunched up his face and gave out a loud groan. Fay paused and looked at him. “…Did you…did you just fake a push?” “What? Of course not! Are you stupid?” “Dari, you have to give birth! You can't hold them in!” “I’m pushing!” “Is something wrong?” Köbi asked. “Do you need help?” “No!” Dari said immediately, before letting a contraction rake through his body. He gasped in pain, curling over his stomach. “Please, sweet thing. Why are you resisting this? It's not good!” Fay insisted. “You need to push…” “I am…” On his next contraction, Dari actually bore down. The head of the first baby immediately popped free. Fay sighed in relief. “Yes! Amazing! That's the first head! You can do it!” “Incredible…” Köbi murmured to himself in awe. “Come on, Dari. A big push and the first is here,” Fay said. “They're already part of the way.” Dari sniffled and sobbed, pushing again with less enthusiasm. It was enough however for the shoulders to come out and Fay pulled the newborn out the rest of the way. He brought her up and onto Dari's chest, her little tail beginning to stir and flap like a fish out of water. Dari's hands shook as he put his hands over her back. “That's one, Dari. She's beautiful,” Fay said. “Only one more to go. Köbi, could you bring over a towel, please?” As the angel did as instructed, Dari's face scrunched up in despair. “Fay... I hate this...” Fay paused, looking to his husband. “What are you saying? Is it the pain? Does it hurt more?” He wasn't used to Dari complaining during birth. He usually didn't cry, in fact he mostly just concentrated on the task. But now he was an emotional mess and he wasn't trying as hard as he usually did. “No... I just... I don't want to...” Dari blubbered. “I don't want to stop being pregnant...” Fay couldn't wrap his head around it. He was literally cutting the umbilical cord of the first babe and Dari was saying this. “Babe, you need to push. Come on, it shouldn't be more than three more. I know you can do it.” “I know I need to...” Dari sobbed. His chest trembled as he let out more tears. “I just hate it...” Fay could only try to ignore this for now to get them through this. He checked to see if the next twin was right behind. He thanked the deepest trenches of the sea when he felt a head on the way and not a little tail. “Dari, big push. Next contraction. Let's do this.” Dari handed over the newborn to Köbi who was waiting with a towel and then grabbed Fay's arms before bearing down. The head moved further down and started to crown. He hissed in pain, his toes curling. “Perfect. Beautiful! She's nearly there, mon coeur entier...” Fay awaited another push until the head came free. He got the umbilical out from around the baby's head and got a grip on the head. “Last one, Dari! Push hard!” Dari cried out as he bore down one last time, digging his fingers into Fay's shoulders while his partner guided their baby out of him. Fay brought the infant up and onto Dari's chest again, patting her back gently until she too gave a flurry of flaps from her tail. He cut her umbilical cord and rubbed Dari’s stomach. “Sweet thing, I need your help pushing out the after birth.” Dari did as told, passing the placenta his twins had shared with little effort. Once his husband was cleaned up, Fay leaned back on his knees and sighed in relief. “Absolutely beautiful... Every one...” Dari fell into gross sobbing. He couldn't contain any of it, just crying like he'd lost a loved one. He wad hardly paying attention to the infant at his chest so Fay just scooped her up quickly and handed her off to Köbi to look after and clean up. With his hands free, Dari covered his face and completely let everything out. He couldn't stop crying and nearly choked himself on his own tears in the process. Fay had no intention of getting wet today because running and getting supplies wasn't easy with a tail. But now that the dust had settled, he stripped down and slid in, pulling his partner into his lap. He gently rubbed his shoulders. “Love… Is this because I said I don't want to have any more children after the twins?” Dari sniffled but calm down a bit to speak. “Yes…” “Dari, I understand you enjoy producing offspring and you've practically saved my species doing so, but we have to be reasonable,” Fay said. “You can't be pregnant forever. We don't have any more space for any more children. We have a ten passenger vehicle and a five bedroom house. Literally everyone has to share a room and guests have to sleep on the couch.” “I get all that… I just don't like it… I know we have to stop but I don't want to stop…” Dari mumbled. “We have eight absolutely gorgeous children. We are going to be busy for a very long time with all these children. You've felt it.” “I know…” Köbi came over with the twins in his arms, swaddled gently in blankets. “Um, they're all cleaned up and weighed and everything.” “Thank you, doctor,” Fay said taking a bundle from him. “Oh, I'm not a doctor,” Köbi said as he handed off the second twin to Dari. “Not a doctor?” Dari said, hesitantly, hoping he hadn't heard right. “A nurse, then?” Fay figured. “Sorry, I assumed…” “The doctor's a couple rooms over with another patient,” Köbi said. “I was going to call her, but then this all happened…really fast.” “Hmph, told you we didn't need a doctor…” Dari said. “Better safe than sorry,” Fay said. “Look at our children though, they're absolutely perfect. Two identical little girls.” “Yeah…” Dari held the one in his arms close to his chest. “…I didn't prepare names…” “Hm, that's nothing new,” Fay said. “We named all the others after their birth. Even Milo.” “…I really can't think of any right now though…” Dari said. “Say some French ones…” “Hm… Dominique, Adele, Fleur, uh...Francine, Margot, Annabelle, Isabelle, Solange, Célia, Celeste, Claudette, Lynette, Bette, Eloise—” “I like Annabelle and Isabelle… Or Célia and Celeste,” Dari said. “Ooh, les Belles, for sure,” Fay said. “But then I couldn't just use that as a nickname because all our children sont belles…” “Doves,” Dari said. “They’ll be doves.” “Oh! I like that!” Fay said. “Red, Little Fish, Pup, Duck, Kitten, Bunny and the Doves.” “And Leg Fish himself,” Dari said, leaning against Fay. “Sweet thing, we don't have a nickname for you,” Fay realised. “Well, it's not like I can give it to myself…” “Right. How about…” Fay thought for a minute. “Well, I would've said ‘bunny' but we already have one… Ah. Lamb.” “Lamb?” Dari raised an eyebrow. “Yes. My little lamb,” Fay decided. “What's that in French though?” “Agneau.” “…Huh. Funky…” “Rouge, Petit Poisson, Chiot, Canard, Chaton, Lapin, les Colombes.” Dari smiled. “I guess it all works…” Fay grinned, seeing his partner smile. He handed over the other twin. “Shall we have them down then?” “Right… They should meet them.” Fay kissed Dari's head and propped himself up out of the pool, grabbing a nearby towel to start drying off his tail. Once his legs split out, he got up and dressed. “Dari, I know this feels like an end but I swear to you, it'll all be better. This is just the beginning of a beautiful life.” Dari nodded slightly. “…I hope so. Go get my kids.” “I'm going, lamb.”

[bunnylouisegrimes]

Episode 7 Review (BACK AT IT AGAIN WITH LOW KEY FUCKING UP CHARLIE’S BACKSTORY)

Spoilers, so be ready. Also, this one might be a little longer than my other ones, so just be aware.

This episode was both good and bad, at least for me. Let’s start off with all the bad and get that out of the way:

For starters, Bing’s sudden “I’m so high and moral, I’m so above Charlie, boo hoo he used me” narrative I swear... he’s so annoying. Gtfo with that shit Bing. You’re a rapist literal motherfucker. Charlie uses assholes like you for his benefit and kid’s benefit, then you die in the end, it’s what you deserve. I did love the nod to Dewey Hansom from the book and comic in this episode tho. Dewey was a rapist himself and if I remember correctly, he did stuff to kids, and Charlie made sure he got his in the end too. I guess this attitude Bing had did lead to his eventual downfall, but still... doesn’t mean it isn’t annoying lol.

A question I had, a friend on here had, and I’m sure we all had was: did Charlie get raped by Bing or... what? I mean, at the time, it was implied, based on what Bing said to him which was extremely creepy, but we didn’t know because his body got dragged away like nothing ever happened. Plus, it cut to what happened to him in his childhood around this time (my opinions on his childhood in a moment). The answer is: No, Charlie was not raped by Bing. He was about to be raped by him, but was not. Here is the screenshot from my friend who asked the writer of the episode:

So no, Charlie was not! Thank God... Of course, hitting him was not good, and what happened to him as a child was not good at all, but this would’ve made things a lot worse both writing wise and in regards to Charlie. Credit to @welcometochristmasland for asking the writer, thank you so much for clarifying this for everyone!

I’m especially relieved by this not just because I’m a Charlie fan girl, but this reason: Charlie getting raped AGAIN in his life, and especially by that fucker, would be so unneeded and stupid. There would be no point to that other than shock value filler. Not to mention, wouldn’t it make things extremely awkward between Vic and Charlie? Despite what’s happening with Wayne, I mean, she was almost raped by Bing herself, and if Charlie actually were in this scenario... that would be pretty awkward between the two, right? I know if I were Vic and I found out about that, I would feel pretty awkward, even if he had my kid, because rape is way too strong a punishment over this. We already know Bing is worse than Charlie, you wouldn’t have to show it through this, and thank God the show did not. I was gonna be real angry over that... of course, there is one thing that unexpectedly made me angry at this episode...

I don’t know what the writers’ problem is with Charlie’s backstory and the women in his life hurting him. They don’t make them saints, but they make them out to be like, “Oh, look at us, we love you and we point out your flaws, and you hurt us.” You know what Charlie’s mother and wife said to him all those years ago according to the comic book that reveals his backstory? They told him how much he drained them of their happiness and youth. No shit Charlie has such a distrust in women! He’s been told by his own mother and first wife, who he broke an arm and a leg for how much just to support the family, that he’s worthless. This leads him to snap! His mom wouldn’t have cared he was raped. She hated him. She told him, when he was forced to sleep in a coffin in the back of the inn and mortuary they lived in, that he belonged in one, so it served him right to sleep in one. Real loving mother of the year, am I right? Again, she still wasn’t a saint in the show, but Charlie going off at her like that was just... WHAT??? NO. And making Charlie groom other kids uknowingly while he’s groomed himself? I really don’t like this, and it’s even worse that Charlie gets more mad at his mom and not so much himself in this situation. He blames himself, but moreso blames his mom. Just... why?

In the comic, the guy who hurt Charlie as a kid was a random guy. He was kicked out of the inn and mortuary for hurting his mom while he was her customer. She points out that maybe a woman doesn’t satisfy him, and boy, is she right, because the fucker follows Charlie as he’s walking up a hill to play with his sled, and rapes Charlie. Charlie gets away, his abilities start to unlock just a bit once his head hits a tree, he kills the rapist, goes back into town, kills his mom, and kills one of the owners of the inn and mortuary (probably because he was trying to stop Charlie, and little boy Charlie has snapped). After this, Charlie leaves and ends up in Kansas. He has little no memory of this.

Now, did the episode show us his mom’s neglectful behavior by leaving her son midway through a little show he was doing to sleep around? Yes. Did they show his abilities unlock after his rape and him killing her? Yes. Did they show him get raped in the first place, and is it still horrible? Yes to both. And I think it was a good change in the show to make the man someone Charlie trusted instead of a random guy (its both equal in how horrible and wrong it is, but the fact it was someone he trusted is even more shocking, I think, but the good kind of shocking, not some cheap useless bullshit).

But similar to Charlie’s backstory with Cassie, the writers seemed to have skimmed through the comic and not understand the point: Not only does sexual assault as a child fuel Charlie’s trauma and pain, but so does the feelings of uselessness he felt from his mother hurting him and his wife hurting him. I get it, you want to make Charlie out to be the big bad, but he already is with the questionable ways he saves kids. His backstory is meant to be the place where you see his softer side, not see more of his bad. You see his softness, but then the show turns around and says, “ReMeMbEr, hE’s StIlL tHe BaD gUy.” We get it, writers! Now can you please stop making him unsympathetic? There is that side of him that people need to understand! That’s what makes his character so genius!

Slightly off topic, but I thought of something briefly: I can’t help but feel the show is maybe doing this not only because they really want to make it out like “Charlie’s so evil and if you like his sad backstory and understand him, you’re just wrong UWU), but maybe it’s also because they don’t want to talk about a male victim of abuse story. Of course, yes, they did it with him being raped as a child, and I’m glad that they still covered the topic of a male victim of sexual abuse, especially sexual child abuse. Showing how awful that is is important, and I think they handled that aspect well. However, Charlie is also a child abuse victim with his mother, and a domestic violence victim with his wife. Why wouldn’t they want to show a child abuse victim, and a domestic violence survivor (and a male one at that!) in a way that is important and well handled too? They didn’t make a PSA out of it, no, and they wouldn’t make PSAs out of the other things either, that’s not what I’m saying. But by showing these things in media, it’s important. It raises awareness of these issues that happen in our world, and who knows, it could help somebody find something to relate to. Think of the movie Kill Bill: the movie brings up people, especially women, getting raped in comas. It’s a problem, it happens to people, and Tarantino brought that up. It wasn’t in a PSA fashion, but he still showed you that something as awful as that could happen and does happen in our world. So what’s the problem, writers? Why couldn’t you explore these things with Charlie? Is it because he is a man, so exploring women hurting men is “wrong?”

Because let me tell you all: If Charles were Charlotte, and she were abused by her father and husband the same way as Charles was in the comic and book, I think the writers would praise this concept. “She has a distrust for men because of how much they hurt her in life! She’s a genius villain!” And don’t get me wrong: Charlotte would be. And men abusing women happens way more often than the other way around, it’s still absolutely wrong, and I would fully support Charlotte as a villain. I wouldn’t like her in that way as I do Charles because I’m straight, but that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t enjoy Charlotte Manx as a character and love her genius writing. But here comes Charles, a man abused by women... oh no! We can’t discuss that! Why not? What’s this double standard crap?

I’d like to reiterate that this is only a possible theory for why the writers made these choices, not an official reason. I’m not trying to accuse them of pulling a double standard, I’m just throwing that idea out there as a general, “is this why, because you’re not really giving a reason why.” And before anyone twists my words: Abuse of any kind, regardless of sexes involved, is wrong. I think female abuse stories should be told, and I think male abuse stories should be told, both in real life and in the fictional realm. I am a bit disappointed they did not do the full potential and exploration of Charlie’s very tragic backstory that they had in regards to his relationship with his mother and wife.

Now that I’ve let out my ranting, the positives of this episode:

Bing getting bird shit in his mouth in the beginning was hilarious. What happens to him in the end was fabulous. Charlie’s final words to him and how he left him to rot... oh how wonderful it was! And Charlie’s words to Bing throughout this whole episode were just... excellent. Obviously it was hard to watch him get beaten, but he had quite the guts to still try to trick him. His truthful words to Bing that made him stop when he was about to rape him, and his words to Bing after stabbing him were just... I think the best lines Charlie has said out of the whole series so far. His bad assery shines in this episode.

I find it fascinating how Charlie’s fears are outside of Christmasland and locked in that house. Despite all the nonsense with Cassie’s character I’ve discussed before and how she is not the abuser she is in the book and comic, and how important it is to discuss it and portray it, I do like Millie exploring herself. I suppose her mother does kinda have to be involved to help Millie explore herself, so I guess there is something good coming out of this, even if the take away is an aspect of Charlie being ruined and made less sympathetic when it should be.

Wayne and Craig’s interaction is really sweet, I’m glad he’s here and helping him. The comparison between Millie and her mom and Wayne and his dad is really good, I do like that. And Wayne saving Charlie, I was like HELL YES!!!! You’re doing good and you don’t even realize it, kid!

All in all: there was a part I was about to hate in this episode that was confirmed to not be there by the writer of it (Thank God), there was something I actually do hate about this episode, and then there are a few things I love about this episode. It was definitely interesting. You feel horrible for Charlie, you hate Bing even more, you feel glad he gets what he deserves, and the exploration with Millie and Wayne is good. If you’re like me and you really want Charlie’s backstory to be as it was in book form in regards to his relationship with his mother (and with his wife, quite a few episodes before) because it makes more sense, allows better exploration of concepts in our real world, and allows you to understand Charlie better, you won’t like his backstory entirely even as he was a kid. But if you can look past all that, there’s really no sour taste that will be left in your mouth, except for pity for Charlie (but most of us, if not all of us, feel that for him, that’s obvious, it’s horrible what happened to him).

Sorry this one was very long, thank you for reading till the end if you have! I hope you enjoyed it!