#makes all their detection equipment go off away no matter how friendly they try to be

[aziraphale-is-a-cat]

I want a Danny who wants to live. I want him running from the heroic stint he was forced into just trying desperately to live an average normal life not haunted by his parents or their great big portal fuck up.

I was his ghost form, as he starts to hate it and transforms less and less, to become more and more monstrous to fit the image of what it means that he's constructed in his head. More grotesque, and reminiscent of his death. His right arm permanently shriveled in a grim reminder of the incident that Kickstarted his stress filled teenage career.

I want a Danny that hates Batman, and Superman and Green Arrow, and Aquaman, and all the other heroes out there with kid sidekicks. He despises them for bringing more kids into this, letting them get so cemented into that way of life that they never even have time to concider any other career path than being responsible for everyone else's fuck ups.

I don't want himself scared of his past, I want him mad at it. Completely fucking outraged that as a fourteen year old who had just fucking died, he was let and even encouraged to take on the weight of responsibility for an entire town to the detriment of his social and educational wellbeing.

I want him to be a tragedy.

[ephemeral-sorrow]

My 'friend' (Jake x MC)

Dedicated to Duskwood and all people who love this incredible game and support it, creating their own unique and breath-taking content, which results in Duskwood fandom being the greatest one I`ve ever been in.

Please leave feedback if you like!    ლ(╹◡╹ლ)

summary: Jake detested being just your friend.

warning: unrequited love

important: mc moved into Jake's city in this oneshot and is helping him doing errands. Jake is not pursued but still leads somewhat discreet life. Their relationship is established, they know each other for a long time already

There was one painfully obvious thing Jake came to realise after laying low and going into the life of shadows: no matter how independent and skillful he was, he couldn`t overcome loneliness that crept inside his soul every grey evening, spent in his masterfully equipped room, which seemed even drearier as twilight descended upon the 'big anonymous city' he lived in. At these times, more often than not, he found himself stratching in his chair like a large cat - his fluffy unruly hair and sleepy astute eyes truly made him look like one - walking up to the blinded window and carefully removing the cloth to scan the lively street.

All these people were hurrying somewhere, being a fleeting, blurry memory to the passers-by. He wondered where. Perhaps, it was home to some or a welcoming circle of friends after work to others. He spotted a lot of couples hugging and talking each other`s ears off as they leisurely wandered around. What was the appropriate word for this... lovely?

Maybe. For now, he felt only irritation at the sight.

Jake snorted at his own foolishness - how could he be happy for someone else when he was deprived of such cute nothings? Thoughts of different kinds swarmed in his head - whether he was unworthy of such indulgence or it was his own fault for being not charming/handsome/talkative enough. He couldn`t help but feel egoistical, desperately wanting to know what was wrong, why the person he adored just couldn`t simply fall for him, grant his deep wish and give him some warmth.

Every time he asked himself this, he kept looking at your photo for a long time, observing the features of your pretty face and imagining how it`d feel to walk under the umbrella with you, hand in hand.

* * *

"Don`t you like it, Jake?" your innocent voice snapped Jake out of his head. Just the sound of his name from your cute lips made his heart squeeze bittersweetly and feel strange emptiness in the pit of the stomach. He still couldn`t get used to coming to your apartment as he lost his confidence rather quickly, surrounded by your friendliness and the enveloping comfort of your home. Had you met up outdoors or at least somewhere with a tiny group of people, he wouldn`t have been so timid, so scared to make a mistake, to appear repulsive or stupid in front of you.

Hacker clenched his trembling fists under the table, focused his gaze on the plate with a home-made meal before him and then looked up, wearing an apologetic expression.

"S-sorry... Of course I do like it very much, MC. You`re the reason I began to eat properly and broke this cycle of take-out. Everything is great".

He watched as relief washed over your features, as you put a hand over your chest.

"I was starting to get worried I might be feeding you forcefully and you`re just too polite to say no. Is it really okay? Can`t finish it?"

"N-no, that`s not it. I spaced out a little", Jake lowered his head in attempt to come up with a believable excuse for his distraction. "I am just feeling a bit under the weather, probably that`s the case..." he regretted saying that immediately.

"What?" You came fast, appearing twice more concerned than before, and carefully placed your delicate long fingers over his forehead, trying to spot the slightest shift in the temperature.

... Please don`t be so kind to me. I might...

Despite Jake being tall even while sitting, you still were leaning over him, his shoulder slightly touching your upper arm. Your sweet, fresh scent invaded his senses, and he secretly breathed in more, not being able to hold back. His blue irises darted upwards to your face, which was intoxicatingly close, and that action alone was almost dangerously crossing the line of his self-restraint. He allowed to admire the smoothness of your skin, the gentle fluttering of your eyelashes, the silky hair he wanted to thread his fingers into and finally, those gorgeous plump pink lips, begging to be covered in sensual kisses--

You pulled away.

"Weird. You don`t seem to be hot".

"Indeed", the hacker tried not to sound dissapointed, biting the inside of his cheek.

* * *

After dinner both of you were lounging about on the couch - you hugged the pillow and pulled your knees to your chest, while Jake leaned back, nestling into the softness. There was some popular detective-drama movie you wanted to see, so you practically pleaded with him to watch it together, explaining this as an opportunity to build some theories - which was your incontrovertible forte. Jake complied to your request with a teasing smile.

Little did you know, that this peaceful activity would finally determine the course of your relationship, once you were surprised to feel Jake's hand cover your own in the middle of the movie.

P.S.: Please tell me if you want part 2

[detectiveconnor]

You talk a lot about connors strengths, and the positive aspects of him as an individual (which I absolutely adore reading)

But I'd be curious to know what some of his weaknesses are? Some of his flaws 👀

Ooooooh thank you for this question anon! I appreciate it, I love him very much and his weaknesses are as much his as his strengths. I am not putting this under a readmore because it is very good and so I’m leaving it out. Here are some things about Connor that are a little weaker than they could be: 

1. His (lack of) diplomacy. Connor is a trained negotiator and when it ‘matters’ in a sense of urgency he is very good at his job, but Connor can be dry and sarcastic with people he’s decided he doesn’t feel like tolerating. There’s a lot of room for social faux pas and the use of the wrong language he’ll brush right over or etc etc (Connor is very patient), but when someone says something that strikes him as cruel or as trying to take too much or assume too much space for themselves, Connor will cut right to the point in a way that probably isn’t as diplomatic as some of his New Jericho colleagues would prefer. He has a genuine tenacity for cutting through ‘shit’, as he puts it: sometimes this can help other people involved see a side of an issue that they might not have seen so readily if Connor had not been there. Other times it can be sharper than what other people might go for - Connor will not sabotage negotiations, but he also will executively decide, ‘this is shit and they know it. But just in case, I’ll remind them.’ 

It is a weakness in that he can see straight through these people and it is not something he can turn on or off. If Connor has a truth to share that he thinks is worthwhile sharing, he will share it. Yes he’ll try to do it in the right company - but sometimes, he thinks, people should have a thick enough skin to accept being called out. 

2. He is very intuitive, to the point he can be blinded by an instinct in one direction even when someone explicitly tells him the opposite. This is something to do with trust issues, maybe? Connor will trust his gut, more often than he won’t. He likes to take people at their word, but he is willing to press sometimes if his instincts or evidence tell him something else, and he is not always well equipped to handle the situations he gets into because of it. Connor will always show up (it’s who he is and I love him), but there have been times where he’s stepped on toes by mistake because someone says A and he thinks he sees B instead. This happens ... if it’s about their emotions this happens less with the people he loves, and there are a handful of people he will leap blind for in what his gut says is the wrong direction because they give him their word that there is something to land on. But ... he has stepped on toes before because he thinks he knows. It’s a problem. He always apologises. 

3. He can think about the notion of a conversation more than actually having a conversation. He only does this rarely, but I have noticed sometimes if he is trying to talk about something difficult or raise a subject that doesn’t fit well into the conversation, he will try to set up a dialogue path in that direction without ... telling ,... anyone outside of himself about this plan. He will eventually just say it, probably, or decide it wasn’t important. Part of this weakness is that he reaches for the ‘right’ way to talk about things that hurt, and yes he’ll eventually just say it ... but if you catch Connor fishing for something, ask him what he’s skirting around / tell him to ‘cut the crap, what do you mean?’. He will appreciate the opportunity. Connor sometimes feels ... ‘nobody asked currently here now this instant’ means nobody cares to know. 

4. He’s very private, and though friendly, doesn’t consider a lot of people to be his friend. This isn’t a weakness necessarily, but there are more people who consider Connor to be their friend than people whom Connor thinks of as friends. Connor really doesn’t like to feel like his privacy is ... being entreated on any more than he would like it to be. He often permits cameras and questions from the media, being ‘the deviant hunter’ - but there is a firm line in the sand and they will not get so much as a toe over that line. There is no flexibility in it at all and he will permanently put a ban on any reporter who tries to cross it. This has to do (and he will not say this aloud) with the way he has once-upon-a-time thought of Amanda and the word ‘violating’ in the same sentence. His business, his head, his thoughts, his work, and his self are all his. He is willing to share what he is willing to share. If people try to take more, he will Stop Them. 

5. He has difficulty slowing down. Connor is very good at his work and he enjoys it immensely. It makes it difficult sometimes to see that he would benefit from a break, or that it is a good idea to step away a little. Sometimes Connor’s close friends will have to tell him he needs a break before he notices it himself - Connor will eventually notice, but he ... really does get caught up in work. Meet-ups with friends can turn into a conversation about work or what he’s hoping to do next or - just because he enjoys what he does, and it’s on his mind. When he gets to be present with his friends and loved ones, he is very happy about it. Connor has to actively choose that sometimes, but it is nice when he does. 

6. He will not budge at all whatsoever on the things that he has decided are non-negotiable. There are a lot of things Connor is willing to bend on - he will bend but not break, bend until there is that point of Absolutely Not and he will stop moving altogether. You won’t shift him. His privacy is one of these lines; also cruelty, asking him Not to be a Detective, taking agency from someone, trying to take agency ... Connor values a bit of ethical flexibility and he uses it often, to find what he feels is the best outcome. But there are hard lines that he will not compromise on at all, and regardless of how good those lines are that is nonetheless a weakness. 

7. Quick to assume responsibility for things that he could theoretically have stopped. Connor does not have a guilt complex, but he will say, “I should have been faster,” with regret about a situation that he just wasn’t quite ‘good enough’ for. This has some perfectionism vibes, and that’s something Connor will... yes. He moves on quickly enough, but there is that, about him. This is a flaw for the fact that he assumes personal responsibility for every situation he might have affected - Connor is not personally responsible for every preventable thing that ever happens in his presence. He is stretched thin. Connor is fair to himself, but he will readily assume responsibility for things where ... he just ... didn’t manage to do what he needed to do in time. (There are many people who just wouldn’t try.) 

8. He is sometimes more curious about people’s emotional experiences/how that looks/how that emotion is experienced ... than he is about how to help them. This typically won’t be too much of a drawback for him, but he has definitely caught himself (been caught!) asking more questions about the emotion than about what they need, or reaching for an interface for the sake of getting a glimpse of what... he doesn’t have some morbid curiosity, he doesn’t want to sit and gawk at people’s feelings, but he does want to know. It is inherent. His curiosity could cost someone something someday, if he is not careful. He’s watching himself. 

9. He hesitates to share information about himself without being asked for it. It won’t always stop him - sometimes he will volunteer things suddenly just because he’s been thinking about them, or someone makes him think of it - but he does have that hesitation to be visible for people he doesn’t yet trust to see him. He... is always there. But he will use more neutral objective language (”I am experiencing a minor error in my program in response to their absence. It will be resolved shortly,” vs “I ... miss them,” the difference in distance and volume-of-self in those two statements) with people he isn’t already comfortable with, because he was trained to (not on purpose: the way someone can inadvertently train a dog to behave only when its owner is around. Connor was Trained as one might train a dog, and he was too smart not to learn who he was performing for.) 

10. There is a whole part of him that is willing to... that doesn’t ... rule out ... death. He doesn’t want to die even a little at all remotely. But, say, if Amanda were to come back and seize control again, Connor wouldn’t be able to justify staying alive (the risk that poses to the Android cause! Because Connor has done everything he possibly can to keep her out, already, so if she gets back in that means he cannot stop her. If she comes back that means he cannot stop himself being a threat to everyone around him). There would be ... gosh. There would be out-loud considerations and conversations about it. He would want to have that conversation with the people he loved, ‘if she comes back...’. Just so they know, so they don’t think they ‘missed’ something (he wants to live he wants to live he wants to live he wants to live), but .. for the record. He is prepared to die. He readied himself in the Garden on the night she tried to rob him of himself, and he barely escaped with his life. Connor has been ready ever since. 

I am going to stop here! I hope these help you Anon <3 I love Connor very much. Thank you for asking! 

[wavesmp3]

the sea is yours to take

pairing: wen junhui x fem!reader genre: royalty au, high fantasy, romance, slow burn   warnings: mentions of death, violence (but it’s usually friendly) wc: 36k (it’s so long, i know, i’m sorry)

synopsis: The Seven Sins and the Seven Gifts of the Spirit are warriors, exceptionally skilled in fighting, and they’re all dead. That is, all except you, The Gift of Fortitude. It’s an uneasy time in the kingdom with eastern Lords and northern bandits threatening a rebellion. You feel that it’s your duty to try and maintain peace within the kingdom. But when the King sends you away for an act of treason, you aren’t sure how much you can do so far away from home. And it certainly doesn’t help that Jun, the southern Lord of the estate you’ve been sent to, seems to hate your guts.   a/n: this is so long, and the beginning is kind of slow but like, i think it’d be pretty dope if you were to stick it out just sayin

—THE GIFT OF FORTITUDE—

“Lady Gift,” the words rush out of the servant’s mouth, you hum allowing him to continue, “The King asks of your presence.”

“Very well then. Tell him I’m him coming,”

And as soon as the servant had entered the equipment room, he leaves as well. Out of fear. Out of urgency. Perhaps out of both. You had assumed it was only a matter of time until the King would call for you. Afterall, murdering one of his most trusted lords who’s also a member of his council is not a crime that goes undiscussed.

You look around the training room. The walls are adorned with swords, daggers and knives. Some of your own and some of belonging to the Golden Palace. You grab a dagger off the wall and push it in your boot. It couldn’t hurt to be prepared in the case anything was to happen.

You walk along the walls, dragging out the time before your presence with the King. Your eyes and feet stop when you come across a sword, one that was gifted to you by the youngest prince himself. You take it off the wall, testing the balance of the sword in your hand. The sword is beautiful, a gold blade that shines with the brightness of the Zalazar River. The hilt of the sword is a piece of art more than it’s a handle. You think that the hilt should be gawked at in a museum instead of collecting dust at the end of a sword. Two figures emerge from the black stone of the hilt. As if they were trapped inside the stone before the maker carved them out. As if they would have been lost in the fog of the black stone if the maker hadn’t given them air to breathe. You turn the hilt and study it carefully. Prince Seungkwan had requested the maker carve out one of the Seven Gifts of the Spirit and one of the Seven Sins. Specifically, Prince Seungkwan asked for you, the Gift of Fortitude. As for the Sin, the maker chose to bring the Sin of Greed to life. You aren’t exactly sure how he did considering there are no pictures or paintings of the Sins and Gifts apart from the sculptures in the southern temples. Even then, you’re sure most of the sanctuaries that housed the sculptures were destroyed long ago. Nonetheless, the Sin of Greed emerges from the other side of the stone, and in some way the Sin of Greed looks familiar to you despite having never known Greed. Prince Seungkwan had excitedly gifted this to you and explained in great detail the trouble he went through to get it done. At the time, Seungkwan had been much younger and things had been so much simpler. You wonder what Seungkwan would say to you now. The thought tastes bitter in your mind.

“Did you hear that the King is waiting for you?” The familiar tones of his voice crash over you like a wave. The corners of your mouth lift.

You put the sword back carefully. “Yes, it has come to my attention,” you say as if it’s an afterthought, in a sense it is.

“Well,” he chuckles, “I guess the King will have to wait his turn.”

You rush to Hansol and embrace him in a long hug. You can feel the longing in his arms. It warms your heart.

“I’ve missed you dearly, Hansol.”

He grins. “I as well.”

“So much has changed since you’ve been gone.” You tell him seriously, reminded of the King you’ve kept waiting.

“I’ve heard.”

“About everything?”

“Yes, everything,” he says into your hair. The next part he whispers. “So, tell me, what warrants you murdering Lord Mark.”

Instead of answering, you pull away. “I’m afraid I must go. The King has asked for my presence.”

Hansol’s eyes flash with a certain color of betrayal that prods at the tender parts of your heart. It pains you to see the tired bags under his eyes and the droop of his lips. You assume your face mirrors something close to his.

“Like I said, a lot has changed here Hansol.”

“It’s actually…” he pauses, a small smile appearing on his face, “it’s actually Captain Hansol now.”

“Oh.” You say simply. “Well congratulations Captain Hansol. The Knights of the Holy Order are lucky to have someone as gifted as you.”

“Thank you. I learned from the best.” He smiles boyishly.

“That you did.”

You’re reminded of the lifetime before his enrollment in the army, the Knights of the Holy Order. The memory makes you sad. Despite the bleached shade to his brown hair and the dimness in his usually light eyes, it hadn’t occurred to you that perhaps a lot had changed for him too.

You’re both quiet for a moment. Until he asks, “Now about Seungkwan-”

You shut the door in his face.

—LORD JUN—

Jun rolls out the knots in his neck and tries to stretch out the ones forming in his back. The two day journey north to the King’s City was taking longer than expected. Unlike his father, Jun was not one for traveling. To Jun nothing seemed particularly glamorous about the reality of riding on horseback for days and nights on end. Jun was much too content with staying by the sea at the estate which Jun called home. There, at his estate, the town was self-governed and quiet. There Jun felt peace. Here, on his horse's saddle finally reaching a clearing in the woods, Jun feels most notably irritable (although boredom and tire are a close second). Here, faced with the reality of traveling, Jun understands even less why his father and Captain Wonwoo put up with it. 

“We are approaching the Zalazar River," the first guard calls from the front of the party. 

"Lord Jun," Wonwoo says riding up from the rear, "I think you'll like this." 

And of course, Wonwoo is right. Jun has heard the tales about the Zalazar River. Tales of a river so deep that submarines could easily ride along the current without ever being detected. Tales of a river whose color is so magnificent it changes with the seasons. Tales of a river which seems to take flight and disappear into the eastern mountains. And although Jun has yet to see the latter tale, Wonwoo is right; Jun loves the abyss that is the Zalazar River. 

"It's beautiful," is the only thing Jun can think to say at the sight of the deep purple river. 

"Yes," Wonwoo hums, "it's wonderful isn't it. I myself am partial to the yellows and dark reds of late fall. But you'll come to see how blissful the King's City looks even during this season." 

"Ah, the Golden Palace," Jun mutters, gripping the reins of his horse tightly, "I'm sure spring does the city well." 

"It does." Wonwoo says simply looking out towards the river as the horses step onto the Bronze Bridge. Wonwoo must sense Jun's discomfort because the next part he says with hesitation. "Lord Jun, I think this trip will be good for you. It's time you come to see the King's City and the Golden Palace as more than just the place your father died. It's time you stop resenting it."  

And with that, the rest of the Zalazar River is crossed in silence. 

—THE GIFT OF FORTITUDE—

You approach the doors to the throne room alone and with heavy footsteps. You stop in front of the door, a feeing resembling fear crawling up your spine and wrapping around your neck. You shake the feeling away and remind yourself that you are the Gift of Fortitude with abilities and powers unmatched by even the best among the Knights of the Holy Order. The King and his council were only one of many regimes you have seen, that you have lived through. Without you, the King was nothing. You have nothing to fret. Yet still, something about the air in the corridor and the dagger in your boot makes you nervous. Something about the life of a Lord who was only following orders from the King makes you shiver. 

Regardless, you nod at the guard of the throne room, and he opens the door, announcing your presence to the room anyways. As you enter the room, you think the King has outdone himself this time. Archers line the perimeter of the room, tucked away in the balconies and presumably safe from you. The throne room usually hosts a party of six guards, but today, you count twenty swordsmen lined along the carpet, and skilled ones at that. You swallow a laugh at the dagger clinking against your ankles. Perhaps you should’ve slipped a knife under your skirt as well. But either way, you’re confident in your skills. If this broke out into a fight, you against the guards and archers, you would prevail. But to spare the boys and girls who stand around you, shaking in their armor, you would do everything in your power to avoid that.

“Gift,” the King calls to you from across the throne room, “do you know why you’re here?” The King has a smile as he asks it, knowing that for the first time in his rule, he has the upper hand over you. Hell, this is the first time since the rule of King Jeonghan that any King has had power over you.

You nod, observing the assembly the King has gathered for your presence, apart from the soldiers. On the first platform at the end of the throne room, six seats are laid out for the six men and women of the King’s council. Two of the council seats remain empty while the other four house council members sitting still fear. Fear directed towards you. You assume that if they weren’t so scared of you and your ability, they would slouch in their seats with indifference. You’ve never taken a liking to the King’s council anyways. On the next raised platform behind the council seats, are the thrones of the King and his Princes. Prince Soonyoung’s throne, to the left of the King’s, is empty. The sight makes you worry. As the inner court likes to say, the eldest son had ‘left’ the Golden Palace and the King’s City at the end of winter. You have yet to hear any word from Soonyoung and can only pray to the Gods that his plans are going well. Prince Seokmin, the second prince, sits on the right of his father. The prince had only just returned from his campaign in the east that previous night, but despite the tire evident in Seokmin’s face, he smiles sympathetically at you. Next to Seokmin is Prince Seungkwan who avoids your eyes so easily, in a way only the youngest prince is capable of. His lips are all but a tight line on his face, and he grips the arm of his throne hard, his knuckles turning white. And just for the slightest of moments, Seungkwan meets your eyes, but as quickly as they're brought up to you face, he rips his gaze away. Despite that, you still manage to catch the dark shade of hurt and heartbreak that swims within his eyes. And it manages to replace all of your previous nerves with a familiar shade of hurt and a different one of guilt. Guilt for hurting Seungkwan the way you did, the way you had to. You push away the thoughts and memories and refocus on the problem at hand.

The King, differently from the others in the room, sits up straight and attentive. His smile taunts you like a dog, holding your freedom above your nose as you jump through hoops for him. You hate the man that sits before you. His throne is flashier, his rings are bigger, and his profits are lower. He is reckless and foolish. He doesn't understand the teetering balance of his own kingdom, of his entire world. He seeks out matters he doesn't understand and toys with those that should not be disturbed. And above all, the man seated before you should have never inherited the crown.

"Yes Lord King," you say, finally answering his question. "I know why you have asked for me today. Although, you need not ask such useless questions." You pause for a moment, your next words simmering on the tip of your tongue. "I miss your father for that reason, he wasn't so persistently foolish." 

The King scowls, and the council members roll their eyes while both of the present princes hide snickers. 

"You should be more mindful of the treason that leaves your mouth, Gift." The King tells you, his confidence dented but his smile as evil as ever. "The blood of one of my most trusted Lords stains your hands, and if you continue such pathetic, pointless defiance, your blood will stain the floors of this room."

You hum. "Perhaps, but you underestimate me, Lord King, greatly. And if you think you know the extent of my skill, then let me say that for the entirety of your small life, you have never seen me fight with the intention to kill. If the men and women you have assembled for me attack, you will be sitting over their dead bodies."

“And then what? You’ll have taken the lives of even more innocent people.” And at this you falter. At this, you’re forced to give the King credit because he knows where to land his blows. He knows how to keep your freedom so close you can smell it, but still far enough so that you can’t have it. But you gulp down your guilt and continue regardless.

"I have killed more men in my life then you know in yours. I will live just as I do now." And despite the conviction with which you say it, you know the King is not fooled by your empty words. You meet Seokmin's eyes, and he nods. You take it as a vote of confidence. "Either way Lord King, I pay you no debt. I owe you nothing. My own disdain for traveling is the only thing keeping me at your court." 

"Yes, that may be the case," the King chuckles rubbing his ring clad knuckles against his chin, "so then leave, Gift. Leave this court and never return." 

The breath is knocked out of your lungs. This, you did not expect. 

"Father, you can't-" Seungkwan blurts, standing up from his throne staring sadly at you. He shakes his head, attempting to cover his own selfish intent with reason. "Father, we need the Gift of Fortitude. Your hold on this kingdom is weak without her power. If you lose Fortitude, you risk losing the kingdom." 

“Eh,” one of the female council members speaks up, looking less afraid of you now, “let the Gift of Fortitude go. A monster like her has no business in a King’s court.”

The words strike you across the cheek, specifically the word ‘monster’. 

“You!” Seungkwan shouts at the council member, rage contorting his face. “How dare—"

Seokmin cuts Seungkwan off, before he can rampage further. "Father, Seungkwan is right. I've met with the Lords in the far east. The failure of the west harvest this season has made them restless. If it weren't for Fortitude, a rebellion from the east would be an even more pressing issue than it already is." Seokmin's eyes are in a panic, the previous tire eradicated from his face. "Think rationally father."

"I am thinking rationally!" The King booms, sending your gut straight to your throat and the princes back to their thrones. The council members sit motionless once again. Perhaps out of fear of the King this time as well. "But if the Gift of Fortitude does not wish to be banished from this court, then so be it." You exhale. "However, I will not have you and your treason-filled mouth infiltrating my court." The King spares a seething glare at Soonyoung's empty throne. "You will still be a member of this court, but you will not stay at the Golden Palace until I permit your return. Lord Jun and Captain Wonwoo from the southern lands are on their way to the Golden Palace as we speak. They are to arrive later today."  The name Jun sounds familiar, but you can't quite recall where you’ve heard it before. "You will live out your sentence there, at his estate." And then it hits you. You had heard of Lord Jun’s name before. Jun’s father was a regular visitor to the Golden Palace before he fell sick and died in the palace infirmaries several years ago. 

 “But—” Seungkwan begins before his father cuts him off.

"And if you refuse, then I will personally see to the completion of the act you murdered Lord Mark to prevent."

You know now, with the King’s final threat, that you must hold out on your freedom. Even if the King’s threat is a bluff, the risk of it alone takes priority. With one last deep exhale, you conform.

You spare the princes’ thrones one last glance before reaching into your boot and dropping the dagger you had tucked inside. The dagger hits the stone floor with an obnoxious clatter. The sound of your acceptance echoes throughout the walls hauntingly. You exit the throne room and head straight to your personal quarters without another word.

***

You weep for hours and hours. You weep for this kingdom. You weep for Seungkwan, for Hansol, for Seokmin, for Soonyoung. You weep for the King and his foolishness. You weep for the power of the Gifts that had been bestowed upon you all those years ago, and for the sheer fact that you are a Gift despite never asking for it. But most of all, you weep for the freedom you can’t have as long as the current king lives.

You weep until you’re sure you can’t have any tears left to shed. You weep until you feel dead.

That night, you have dinner in your dining room with Prince Seokmin. He tells you about his recent campaigns, his successes and losses. He spends a little too long telling you about the daughter of one of the better eastern lords. He smiles as he mentions her, playing absentmindedly with his food. 

"I was starting to wonder why you were taking so many trips to the east." You say with a playful smile that feels foreign on your lips. "Do you intend to marry her Seokmin?" 

A blush creeps onto his cheeks as his eyes meet yours in shock. "No, no," he shakes his head vigorously, "it isn't like that." But then as he pokes a carrot with his fork, Seokmin's lips turn down in a frown. "I can't imagine someone who distrusts the monarchy so much even considering a prince anyways."

You hum, recognizing the lingering in his movements and the longing in his voice as something particular to youth, something hidden in your own memories, and something you beg to forget. You swallow your thoughts down and focus on comforting the boy in front of you.

"I'm sure that's not something a few more trips to the east can't change, Seokmin. Afterall, you are known for your persuasive nature." He snorts. "It also helps that no one distrusts the monarchy more than the members of it. Perhaps if the lady were to know of your true intentions, then you wouldn't think it so bizarre to ask for her hand. I'm afraid you underestimate how many women would love to be a princess, even to a palace like this." 

He smiles again, “Thank you."  He pushes the carrot into his mouth.

Dinner continues in a comfortable silence, the only ambiance being the crackling of torches along the wall and the fire in the hearth. Seokmin pauses for a second swallowing his food carefully. Then he looks over at you tentatively before opening his mouth to speak. You cut him off before he gets the chance.

"Seokmin please, I don't need your pity." 

He chuckles and murmurs something you don't exactly catch. "I was just going to say that I've been to Lord Jun's holding. You'll come to see just how beautiful and picturesque the south is, and I think you'll take a liking to Captain Wonwoo." You vaguely knew of Captain Wonwoo. He was a Captain of the Knights of the Holy Order, second only to the Commander, but retired at a young age. Lord Jun on the other hand was a complete mystery to you. You knew nothing of him only that he was from the south and that he was his father’s son. 

"Have you ever seen the sea?" Seokmin asks. You shake your head. "Well if you're standing by the shore, the water of the sea continues on into the horizon for what seems like forever. The water stretches so far out and in all directions. From the shore, it appears like if you travelled far out enough, you'd fall off the edge of the world-"

"I've seen paintings." You snipe.

"Yes, but it doesn't compare to the real thing. The sea," he trails off, a dazed off look in his eyes, "is something else entirely." 

You can’t help but smile at the bliss Seokmin radiates at the mere thought of the sea. “I guess I’ll be seeing for myself soon enough.” You think the world could use a few more like Seokmin. Even in the darkest of moments, he remains a ray of light. “You remind me so much of your grandfather, Seokmin.”

His eyebrows rise, and then a saddened look crosses his eyes. "He's always talked to highly of, even by the eastern Lords. But what was he like?" 

You hesitate, thinking back to the times before you had returned to the Golden Palace. "Perhaps not as clever as your father. But kind and empathetic. He possessed a certain understanding of this kingdom although at times, he could be impulsive. At the end of the day, your grandfather was a good king, and you've managed to inherit all his best traits." 

"Were you close to him?" 

"No, not while he was king. At that time, I wasn't closely involved with the King's court. I only returned because of your mother." There's another silence. Fortitude spends it immersed in her memories.

Finally, Seokmin speaks. “Do me a favor and enjoy the sea.”

He stands up and presses a kiss to your forehead in goodbye. Then he leaves the dining rooms, sending in a servant to clean up your dinner. 

***

There’s a knock on your bedroom doors later that night. You’re sitting in front of the fire with your knees pulled up against your chest when it happens.

“Who is it?” You ask tiredly.

"It's me." You recognize his voice immediately. And if it weren't for the hours you spent weeping this morning, you probably would've cried at the sound of his voice alone. You didn’t expect Seungkwan to come and bid you farewell, but somehow the fact that he does makes it all the more real. 

You push yourself off the rug and move towards the door. Your hand hovers over the doorknob, but after another thought, you drop your hand, deciding to make due with conversation through the door.

“Yes, Seungkwan,” you call through the door, “what is it?”

You listen as he stumbles over his words for a second before falling silent. When his voice resurfaces, it’s small and scattered. “Do you hate me so much as to not open the door?”

You sigh. In a loud and exaggerated way so that you know he hears it. Seungkwan means well. Deep down, you know so much. But his words are a paint brush coloring a lousy shade of blame all over you; as if any of the issues that have come between you two is your fault. You suppose if you tried confronting him again, he would try to tell you that it is. “Prince Seungkwan, have at least enough dignity to recognize that I’m doing this for you.”

He exhales harshly in acceptance. You settle for it. There’s more silence, and after a few minutes, you begin to think that he’s left. But when he speaks up again, he proves you wrong. “Seokmin was saying how he reminds you of our grandfather.”

You inhale sharply. Conversing with Seungkwan had come to this point. To the point where you both had to speak lightly and with low voices as to not anger each  other. To the point where you both had to tiptoe around topics as to not bring up something the other did not wish to speak of. To the point where you couldn't even talk about what mattered. 

“Indeed, he does.” 

“Then…” Seungkwan hesitates. You hear a small tap on the door, “do I remind you of anyone?”

You smile. His question reminded you of a time before his confession, of a time when conversation with Seungkwan was simple and delightful, of a time when Seungkwan was a child. You let the question sit in the air for a second despite knowing exactly who Seungkwan reminds you of. You think of it every time he smiles or laughs or does anything at all, for all his mannerisms and all his traits remind you exactly of her. He reminds you of her in an obvious almost flashy way, in a way you couldn’t possibly ignore. In a way that’s not as subtle as Seokmin. In a way, that makes Seungkwan so dear to you. “You remind me of your mother, Seungkwan.” Your voice softens. “You are so very much like your mother.” 

He hums, satisfied with your response despite already knowing it. “Do you miss her?”

“Everyday.” 

“I wish I knew her.”

There is no pain in his voice as he says it, and yet you feel so much pain when he does. “She would’ve loved you.” Then you pause before saying the next part with a laugh dancing under your voice.  “In fact—well don’t tell the other two—but she probably would’ve loved you the most.” 

Seungkwan laughs. You relish in the sound. Then after a moment, he asks: “How about Soonyoung then? Who does he remind you of?”

You falter, not quite able to put your finger on who Soonyoung reminds you of. If not someone, then there is something the eldest prince reminds you of. Something like a memory, but there’s a fog in your mind that halts you from knowing any more. And right now, with Soonyoung long gone, the memory seems so faint; you aren’t even sure it’s real.

“I’m not sure,” is all you can say. Seungkwan hums as if he wasn’t really waiting for your answer anyways. You are quick to push down the annoyance that bubbles from it.

“Do you wish to leave?” He asks, in a voice that makes you believe he was scared to do so.

“Of course not.” You deny, perhaps a little more harshly than necessary. You try not to think too much about your upcoming departure from the Golden Palace. You fail.

Seungkwan waits a long moment. But when he speaks again, the words come falling out of his mouth. “We could get married. And then you won’t have to leave. It’ll fix everything, and father won’t be able to send you away.” 

“Seungkwan,” you hiss, but you want to rage. And in this moment, you hate how much he reminds you of his mother. Because just like her, his love makes him stupid. His love clouds his judgement. And in this moment, you want to yell at him and scream because you do not need someone you care for as much as you do Seungkwan telling you the same foolish things the people you think so lowly of do. You do not need Seungkwan persisting that a marriage will fix everything. You do not need Seungkwan, even less do you need his romantic interest in you. But you want Seungkwan, as a friend. And you have no wish to leave the Golden Palace in yet another argument with him. So, for that reason, and that one alone, you swallow your rage, and it burns all the way down your throat.

“Leave Seungkwan.”

“Not until-”

“Just go,” you seethe, the anger seeping from between your teeth. You don't wait for a response, storming to the other side of the room, near the fire. You stand by it for a second, the heat only adding to the flame burning inside you. And when you’ve had enough, your anger bursting from its seams, you kick the neat stack of firewood beside you. All seven logs go flying, one of them dents the wall. You focus on your breathing.

There’s another knock at the door. “Seungkwan, I said go!” You yell whipping the door open to come face to face with a wide-eyed Hansol. “Oh, Hansol,” you say in shock. 

“Bad time?” He asks with raised shoulders and the faintest hint of a smile. 

You huff, ignoring the urge to hit him over the head. “Just come in.”

“Seokmin told me about your sentence.” He begins, sitting down in an armchair while you go back to kneeling by the fire. 

“Seokmin sure is talking plenty tonight.” You mutter into the orange glow.

“Seokmin always talks plenty,” Hansol hums, amused but calm.

Hansol, in himself, is an epitome to his upbringing. He was only a young boy and a palace servant when you took him in and taught him how to fight. To your surprise, Hansol turned out to be an excellent fighter. Before you had relieved the orphan boy of his petty debts to the King, Hansol was constantly riled up. Always looking for a fight but losing once he did. He was angry at the world, and for good reason, but looking at him now, Hansol contains none of the anger that consumed him as a boy. You suppose you can thank him joining the Knights of the Holy Order for that. You knew firsthand how fighting in the way that the Knights do, even when there is no war, changes a person. Afterall, fighting in the Holy Wars despite your age and disinterest in conflict, had changed you in such a way that when you visited your father afterwards, he didn’t even recognize you. But you think Hansol, unlike what your father thought of you, has changed for the better. He had come back on his breaks more mature and grown. He had become a friend to you despite the manner in which your relationship had begun. Hansol was the first true friend you had since the princes' late mother. 

And after a while of you glaring at the fire and Hansol crossing and uncrossing his legs, he finally speaks up again. "Don't blame yourself for Seungkwan's inability to control himself and his emotions." 

"If I didn't know any better, I'd think you to be speaking ill of your friend and more importantly the prince." You bite back, stubbornly refusing his comfort. 

He scoffs. "Don't be so dense. You're my friend too." 

There's a silence and you reach your hand out to hover over the fire. "Did you know?"

"About Seungkwan and you?" 

You nod although there is no 'Seungkwan and you'. There is only Seungkwan's foolishness and your reason. 

He leans forward, resting his elbows on his knees and holding his chin in his palm. "Yes," he says with such simplicity it irks you. "In my defense, I thought you knew." 

"You'd think after all these years of living, I would be more in tune with these things, but no," you say rather lamely, "I'm still just as clueless as I was." 

"It appears even time can't change that." Hansol jokes. You laugh for the first time that day, and it feels like you can finally breathe again. 

"Have you heard any word from Soonyoung?" The question seems to bring you both back to reality. And the question, or perhaps reality, drags Hansol's lips down and draws his gaze towards the flames. 

He scratches a spot behind his head. "Not a word.”

“I’ve been sending him Risals.” 

“And…?” Hansol asks, hopeful.

“They come back empty. He doesn’t send me anything back.” 

Hansol sighs, and you can’t decide if it sounds more tired or sad. “But if he's following his plan then he should be at the Nomads' Land by now." 

"That's only if he was able to find the Nomads' Land.”  You rub your temple thinking and overthinking all the aspects of Soonyoung's plan. On a hunch and a forgotten memory, you had advised Soonyoung to head north to the Giant Forest. Specifically, you had advised Soonyoung to find the Nomads’ Land within the Giant Forest. The Nomads have always been very private people but even more so after the rule of King Jeonghan, who ruled over the kingdom during the Holy Wars. No one has even seen a Nomad since let alone their Lands. There are no maps, no stories, nothing. On top of that, the Nomads’ have never been known for their kindness to strangers. "I feel as if I've let him go on an impossible quest."

Hansol shakes his head, a crease running through his forehead. “Soonyoung decided to go himself. He sketched up the plans himself. If he thought he could do it, there must be something he knows that we don’t.”

You nod even though Hansol sounds as if he’s convincing himself of it as much as he’s convincing you. But you know, there is some truth to Hansol's words. Soonyoung is more than competent to do what he set out to do. As he grew, the eldest prince always found new ways to surprise you with his skill. After the Holy Wars and the deaths of all the Sins and Gifts apart from yourself, your fighting skill went unmatched. That was until Soonyoung. Soonyoung trained under you by the request of his mother and to the disdain of his father, and as Soonyoung grew, so did his skill. By the time Soonyoung had aged into a man, he became a better opponent than you had seen in ages. His brute strength making up for what he lacked in skill. But there’s something else about Soonyoung as well, perhaps the same quality that puts a fog in your mind and reminds you of a memory you can’t remember. That part of him makes you wonder if there is something else that eases your worries. Whatever quality of Soonyoung that perplexes you, is the same one that proves Soonyoung is capable of completing his task to overthrow the King, to overthrow his father. You can only hope your advice to ask the Nomads gets him far enough to do it.

"You're right," you admit, "Soonyoung is capable. I'm just worried. It all..." you hesitate struggling to find the right words, "It all makes my head ache." 

Hansol sits back in the armchair, his brows furrowed and appearing to be deep in thought. He opens his mouth suddenly as if to speak, yet nothing comes out. He seems to be overcome with the same loss of words as you.

 “I hate to ask this—”

 “Then don’t.” 

 “—but why did you send Soonyoung to the Nomads’ Land?”

You still. The same fog from before overcoming your mind once again. “I can’t even begin to explain, Hansol, I—”

“Try,” you meet his eyes, they look darker in this light or perhaps it’s his own confusion and hopeless need to understand that makes his eyes turn to the color of bark after a thunderstorm, “please.”

You do.

“I’ve told you before, Hansol. I  struggle to remember life before the Holy Wars.” You pause, taking a moment to collect and retrieve your thoughts from the thick fog consuming your mind. You come back empty handed.

“It’s almost as if life never existed before the Holy Wars.” You say slowly. “I’ve forgotten the way life was before that. The way life was before I was the Gift of Fortitude. But sometimes, just barely, I get a sense of a memory. As if whatever made me forget is wearing off. As if it’s weakening.” You take another break, dropping your head in your hands. You can feel a headache coming. “These memories, they come and go, lasting only for the moment they appear. But when I was speaking with Soonyoung that night, something about him or something about our conversation brought this memory to me. And I…” You trail off, struggling to remember the conversation you had with Soonyoung before he took off.

Hansol stands up from the armchair and joins you on the floor. His movements are frantic, but the message they send is clear: they scream desperation. “I know it’s difficult to remember, but please try as best you can. We were so close last time.”

This makes you stop. You release your head from your hands and look back at Hansol quizzingly. “Last time?” You repeat in disbelief.

He grabs your face in his hands, forcing you to look at him. “Focus. You talk of a memory. A memory to do with the Nomads and your life before the Holy Wars. What did you remember that day with Soonyoung? Why did you send him to the Nomads’ Lands?”

You don’t even hear him, your head suddenly splitting with pain. “When did we speak about this before?” You ask, helplessly wondering how you possibly could have forgotten an entire conversation.

“The memory,” Hansol emphasizes once more, “what was the memory?”

“Hansol, please,” you beg, feeling a tear you hadn’t even noticed roll down your chin, “let it go. I don’t remember.”

His entire body seems to sigh in defeat. “I’m sorry,” he mutters before letting go of your face. Your mind turns white with fog the moment he lets go. You  immediately drop your head into your hands again. The pain in your head so intense you have to bite your lip to stop yourself from crying out. Eventually, you taste blood.

“I’m sorry.” Hansol mumbles into your hair. You hadn’t even realized he was embracing you. “I wish it didn’t have to hurt so much to remember.”

You try to tell him it’s like a curse but the words get swallowed by another surge of pain.

He helps you into your bed, and it makes you feel as old as you are. He whispers another apology before leaving your room. 

And like a spell, the fog in your mind devours your entire body in a deep sleep.

—LORD JUN—

"In the name of the Gods, we offer this prayer. Bestow upon us the knowledge of the Elders to live in harmony with our neighbors. By bathing in your everlasting light and glory, may we go in peace.” Jun prays although his mind is far from the memorized passages that leaves from his lips. The palace temple is modern and beautiful, but different compared to the traditional southern temples he’s used to. But even that, Jun can’t focus on. No, instead, Jun troubles himself with the events of this morning. He awoke exhausted and aching after a long day of riding. But despite his tire, he was to meet the Gift of Fortitude this morning with breakfast in your personal dining room. It was awkward to say the least, with Jun and Wonwoo unsure and timid and you holding your head in your hands, complaining of a headache to a servant in hushed tones. Yet, Jun sits in the palace temple thinking and overthinking how you, the Gift of Fortitude, looked so undeniably human. 

Jun sneaks a glance. You’re seated next to him, but you look as if you’re somewhere else altogether. Your eyes are sewn shut and your lips are held tightly in a line. He wouldn’t have thought you to be so religious. Hell, Jun wouldn’t have thought anyone north of the Zalazar River to be religious, but with the way you sit, concentrated on the prayers, religious is the only thing Jun can think to describe you. 

The King had sent a message to Jun’s southern estate at the beginning of the week asking for Jun’s and Captain Wonwoo’s presence at the Golden Palace immediately. The King didn’t bother including any details. Jun and Wonwoo were left to speculate what business he could possibly have with them. With Jun, a southern Lord who never involved himself with the politics of the kingdom, and with Wonwoo, a retired Captain of the Knights of the Holy Order. It certainly doesn’t help that Lord Jun is known to harbor a dislike towards the King. 

But now, as Jun and Wonwoo walk the ornate halls of the undeniably breathtaking Golden Palace alongside the Gift of Fortitude, Jun wonders even more why the King has asked for them.

“Lord King I present to you Lady Gift of Fortitude, Lord Jun, and Captain Wonwoo." The guard announces to the King's throne room as the three of you enter. The throne room, Jun notices, is just as lavish as the rest of the palace if not more. Five of the six counsel seats are filled. Prince Seokmin and Prince Seungkwan sit attentively at their thrones, but Prince Soonyoung's throne is empty. Jun finds the sight odd, especially since the heir to the throne is known to be closely involved with the King's affairs and even more because Prince Soonyoung is a close friend of you, as are all the Princes. 

Despite that, the King wastes no time. He says that you wish to visit the southern lands, and offers Jun's estate as a place for you to stay. Jun assumes there is more to the request than the King lets on but accepts nonetheless, and the three of you are ushered out of the throne room almost as soon as you’re brought in. 

Jun, Wonwoo, and you walk the halls aimlessly after the dreaded presence with the King which admittedly was briefer and more passive than Jun had imagined. 

“I apologize for the circumstances, Lord Jun and Captain Wonwoo. I’m afraid I had little choice in the matter. I just wished the King hadn’t handled matters so hurriedly.” You tell them. 

“It’s quite alright, Lady Gift,” Wonwoo affirms, glancing at Jun as if expecting him to say something, but Jun stays silent. “I find it a shame although,” Wonwoo says to cover Jun’s silence, “that there were so many missing in the King’s close court this morning.” 

“Yes.” You respond simply. 

“If I may, where is Prince Soonyoung? I’ve heard you’re close to all three Princes.”

“You heard correctly, Captain Wonwoo.” Then you pause. Jun closely observes the way you carefully choose your next words. “Prince Soonyoung had some personal matters to take care of. He’s taken a sabbatical of sorts.” 

"Odd that there was no royal notice of his sabbatical," Wonwoo says in an even but skeptical tone. 

"Yes, Prince Soonyoung is nearly as impulsive as his father," you cringe slightly when you say it, as if the words hurt.

And it's evident in the way you deflect the question, that there's something more to Prince Soonyoung's absence. Something the King's court has chosen to cover up and ignore. Jun knew just how impulsive the King could be, and for that reason, Jun suspects that Prince Soonyoung has snuck out of the palace, but then with another look at your scornful face, Jun suspects something different. Prince Soonyoung must have been sent away by his father himself. The realization takes a moment to sink in. 

Wonwoo clears his throat. “And then what about Lord Mark, the sixth member of the King’s court?”

You stop walking altogether, looking down at your feet with furrowed brows. You look as if you’ve forgotten something. Jun and Wonwoo stop walking as well.

“You haven’t heard?” You question so quietly that Jun barely hears it.

Wonwoo tilts his head, “Heard what?”

You bite your lip, and look off to the side. You open your mouth once, but then close it again after. Jun thinks, as mad as it sounds, that you, a Gift of the Spirit, look a little nervous.

Jun takes a step forward. “What is it Lady Gift?” He asks, breaking his silence.

You shake your head once and then look up at Lord Jun and Captain Wonwoo with steady eyes. “Lord Mark was murdered.” You state with an eerie simplicity. You hesitate before adding the next part. “And I was the one who killed him.”

Jun was wrong. It was not nerves that made you hesitate. It was guilt.  

“Well then, I just need to take care of a few more things before we leave. I’ll meet you both at the stables.”

And you’re off before Jun and Wonwoo can even comprehend what you just said.

 ***

Jun waits for you and Wonwoo in the stables. He tends to his horse deep in thought. 

Jun hadn't been sure of the nature of your prospective visit to his estate. But now with your murder confession, it's clear you are being sent away as a punishment. You’re more akin to the stories and rumors than Jun had wanted to believe. A monster lurking on the palace grounds as one of the Seven Gifts of the Spirit under the pretense that you mysteriously switched sides and fought with the Seven Sins during the Holy Wars. A monster lurking within a human body with an uncontrollable power that should be stopped, contained. 

Jun doesn’t agree with all of it, but he’s not above some of the notions either. Before the Holy Wars, the Seven Gifts of the Spirit were praised as highly as the Seven Sins. The two groups worked in harmony as protectors of humanity. However, for reasons unknown to the people, the Seven Sins and Seven Gifts of the Spirit began fighting which escalated into the Holy Wars. The kingdom took the side of the Sins making the Gifts an enemy to the nation. After the war, the Gifts were not praised as highly as they once were. In fact, the Seven Gifts of the Spirit were not praised at all. All seven Sins and six of the Gifts perished in the Holy Wars. You, the only one who had survived, shouldered the blame of the Holy Wars. You, the Gift of Fortitude, became a pariah.

Although Jun hates himself for doing so, he can’t help but think that perhaps you do have too much power. Power that is unmatched without another living Sin or Gift. Power that goes unchecked. If the Gift of Fortitude set out to kill, Jun doubts there is much that could stop you. Lord Mark’s murder had gone unannounced and relatively unpunished. Jun wonders if Lord Mark was an isolated example or just another among the many whose lives were put in your hands. 

But then when Jun thinks back to the figure praying diligently beside him in the temple just hours ago and the person who complained of something as mundane as a headache this morning, it doesn’t appear to make much sense. If Jun had not known you to be the Gift of Fortitude, he would’ve never fathomed that you’d even hurt a fly.  

“That’s a very beautiful horse you have there, Lord Jun,” you say suddenly, bringing to Jun’s attention your presence in the stables. 

 Jun nods with a polite yet strained smile. “Yes, he was gifted to me by my father.” 

“Ah,” you mutter. And for a second, Jun thinks he sees your face turn to a frown. But before he can look any further, you continue. “Mines is a river horse.” You brush through the mane of the horse in the stall next to Jun’s. “I found him a while back by the Zalazar River.” 

Jun doesn’t say anything in response. He begins attaching his saddles and bags to his horse instead. He watches the affection with which you care for your horse. He wonders how you’re able to act so calmly after admitting to murder not too long ago. Jun thinks your dismissal and nonchalance negates any trust he might’ve held for you.  

He clears his throat. He makes sure it’s loud and obtrusive. He makes sure the I don’t trust you is clear. 

“Lord Jun,” you begin, not even bothering to take your eyes off your horse, “I understand you may be upsetted by and skeptical of my actions, but I kindly ask that you respect them nonetheless. I hope you come to see that I had my reasons. Good reasons. Ones that I am unable to share with you.” You pause for a second as a servant brings in a bird Jun doesn’t recognize and sets it by your feet. You continue as soon as the servant disappears behind the stable doors. “I am no stranger to fear and hate directed towards me. But seeing as I am to be staying at your estate for the foreseeable future, I ask that you wait and get to know me before you make any rash assumptions concerning me.” You take a step past Jun so that you stand beside him facing the opposite stable door. You turn your head, and Jun shivers at the way your breath hits his neck. You speak directly into his ear, voice no louder than a whisper. “It’s best you realize sooner rather than later that we have the same enemy here.” 

Jun understands what you are implicating, the notion alone bringing a sudden heat to his cheeks. He doesn’t dare to meet your eyes. But you stare at Jun until he makes some acknowledgment of your speech. You’re gone the moment he does, leaving a cloud of dust and dirt in the space you used to occupy. 

Jun is left stunned. He can’t even acknowledge the palace servant that re enters the stable to finish preparing your horse. He’s only brought out of mind when a familiar heavy hand rests upon his shoulder. 

“We’re ready when you are Jun,” Wonwoo says, a laugh dancing under his words. 

Jun groans. “How much of that did you hear?” 

Wonwoo releases Jun’s shoulder. “Enough,” he hums with an enthusiastic nod. 

“So you think it’s excusable then?” Jun questions, hurt that Wonwoo seems to be taking your side over his. “Are you willing to excuse murder too?” 

Wonwoo’s quiet for a moment, but when he does speak again, he does so seriously. Jun listens intently. “It’s not that I’m excusing murder Jun. It’s that I’m willing to believe there is more to this story than we are hearing. I’m willing to trust the Gift of Fortitude over the King.” 

Jun shakes his head. “I just can’t understand how everyone is looking past the life that has been lost. How can you accept a crime as grave as murder?”

Wonwoo chuckles darkly. “I spent the better part of my life making murderers out of men and women. I made a murderer out of myself as Captain of the Knights of the Holy Order. I stay sane because I believe that I led knights to their deaths for good reason. If I did not accept the murders I’ve committed, I would have gone mad a long time ago. Sometimes Jun, a crime is only as grave as its motivation.”

Jun is silent, taking his time to understand what Wonwoo means. He returns his attention to his horse. 

“What have you been doing all morning?” Jun asks, deciding he needs more time to process than the moment allows. Wonwoo isn’t bothered by the shift in conversation. 

“Ah, I had many things to discuss with Prince Seungkwan. You know, former Captain of the Knights to current Commander.”

“Anything worth sharing?” 

Wonwoo hums. “Not much, although he is an excellent Commander, Prince Seungkwan,” Wonwoo clarifies, “even despite his young age. What they say is true, he possesses a gift for...”

Jun nods, listening half-heartedly to Wonwoo for Jun has no interest in the subjects of armies and battles. 

Eventually, Wonwoo wears himself out with talk of the current state of the Knights, the supply chain routes, their management of northern bandits and uneasy eastern Lords, and whatever else Wonwoo can think to comment on. And by the time he does, the horses are prepped and ready to go. The small, mismatched party of Lord Jun, Captain Wonwoo, and the Gift of Fortitude begin the two day journey south. 

The journey is quiet and tense. The only conversation coming from Wonwoo and you making small talk about the weather and the shameful fail of the western harvest. They take rest at the Bronze Bridge. 

The Zalazar River is now a green color. Wonwoo comments on how it’s a little early for the river to take such a dark color. He also mentions that this color is one of his favorites. 

“My favorite,” you begin, leaning over the edge to stare at the water, “is the blue that appears during the transition from winter to spring.”

They all, including the guards, stare at you, dumbfounded. You notice a second too late and turn your head towards them slowly. 

“What?” You breathe, and Jun laughs when he realizes you’re being serious. He laughs at the notion that your favorite color of an ever-changing river is the color of all bodies of water.   

“In that case, Lady Gift,” Wonwoo chuckles, “I think you’ll take a great liking to the sea.” 

They mount their horses and cross the rest of the Bronze Bridge and forest green river a little less tensely. 

***

They take rest at an inn for the night. Jun finds how empty the inn is odd considering it is at the center of this town off the main road. Even if most of the rooms were unoccupied, the dining rooms of inns were always full at nights with the town’s people engrossed in conversation over a pint of beer. But tonight, with the guards resting upstairs, the inn’s dining room is mostly empty. Three tables are occupied and one of those three are occupied by Jun, Wonwoo, and you. Jun remembers what you said about fear and hate being directed towards you. He starts to wonder how often you empty a room with fear, intentional or not.

—THE GIFT OF FORTITUDE—

You feel bad. It’s been so long since you’ve left the King’s City, that you’ve forgotten how the people outside the Golden Palace react to you. You have forgotten that most people don’t want to eat dinner and play drinking games with a Gift of the Spirit near. You make a mental note to cover up more next time you’re out. Then after a quick glance at the innkeeper behind the bar, you make another note to reimburse her for the money she must’ve lost thanks to you.  

You’re aware of the way Jun squints at you, untrusting. The southern Lord hadn’t appeared to be so headstrong and stubborn when you met him this morning. But as Lord Jun stares daggers at you, you guess that your first impression of him was wrong. Still, you’re tired of petty conflict. You want to help Jun understand your motives without involving him in the palace’s politics. You want to make peace. 

You exhale sharply. 

“Lord Jun,” his eyes widen when you address him, “Captain Wonwoo, I know you must have many reasons to distrust me.” Jun scoffs. You ignore it. “But I’d like to make peace with you both. I’m afraid I might not be able to answer all of your questions but perhaps there’s some that I can.” 

You feel uneasy. You aren’t one to make an effort to get someone to like you or trust you. And yet, you find yourself in front of Lord Jun and Captain Wonwoo nearly begging for their acceptance. 

“I have a question,” Wonwoo begins, sitting up slightly. You nod. “What kind of bird do you travel with? I’ve never seen a bird like that before.” 

“Oh, the bird. It’s my personal Risal.” You say simply. You aren’t surprised to see the shock on their faces. Risals were extremely rare and even more expensive. They’re said to have been blessed by the Gods as messenger birds. That of course is the only explanation for how Risals are able to send any message anywhere and to anyone in no more than a day even if the one sending the message does not know where to find the one receiving. 

“My Gods, how in the world did you get your hands on a Risal?” Wonwoo exclaims, like a little kid waiting for sweets. 

You smile. “It was a gift from the princes’ late mother.” The reminder makes your smile turn sad. Lord Jun notices. 

“Are they as untraceable as they say?” 

You nod. “Tracking a Risal is impossible. It’s almost as if they disappear into thin air when they take flight.” 

“You’re very lucky.” Wonwoo tells you with a laugh, and you let yourself believe that you’ve made some progress. Lord Jun, however, doesn’t let you believe so for long. 

“I have a question.” Lord Jun implores, bringing himself out of his silence. His voice is stern and a little cold. Wonwoo looks uneasy. You beckon for him to continue anyways. “What exactly do you possess as a Gift of the Spirit?” His voice is filled with distrust, but when you meet his eyes, you're surprised to find that they aren’t as cold as his voice. 

“Jun—“ Wonwoo starts. 

“How do you mean?” You encourage him to continue. You know what he wants to hear. He wants to hear how you’re a killer by nature. He wants you to explain just how deadly you are. He wants you to prove his distrust. 

“What are your powers, Gift?” 

You flinch at the name. You flinch at the question. Both of which you hate. And yet, you’re no stranger to either. But you’ve already decided to make peace, and so peace you’ll make. 

“As you know, in ancient times Maratelli the archangel gave 14 roles to humans. The Seven Sins: Greed, Anger, Pride, Lust, Sloth, Gluttony, and Envy. And the Seven Gifts of the Spirit: Wisdom, Understanding, Counsel, Knowledge, Piety, Fear, and,” you pause to look at Lord Jun directly, “Fortitude. The Sins and Gifts were given to the people as protectors. As humanity’s fighters. To answer your question Lord Jun, I am an exceptionally skilled fighter. I was made and crafted by the Gods to fight for humans and protect them in ways they cannot. But the power is not almighty, the Seven Sins and Gifts are slow healers. Even small injuries can leave us bedridden for weeks.” 

Lord Jun wastes no time, jumping into the next question. “Are you immortal?” 

“No.” 

“So you can die?” 

“Yes.” 

“By old age?” 

“No.” 

“Then how?” 

You wait a beat. “By giving up.” You don't explain any further. 

You had hoped to make peace with Lord Jun tonight. Perhaps you had hoped for too much. 

--LORD JUN-- There’s a familiar tense silence while riding the next day. They reach Jun’s estate by late afternoon, earlier than expected. 

You request to be taken straight to your quarters. 

“You’re acting strange.” Wonwoo mutters, watching Jun with a careful eye as he takes a spoonful of his soup. It’s only Jun and Wonwoo at dinner tonight. You decided you were too tired to attend. 

“How so?” Jun questions, swirling his spoon around the bowl. 

“The cook made your favorite soup, and you’ve had only two spoons of it so far.”

“I ate a snack earlier.” 

“It’s not just that Jun.” Wonwoo adds, and Jun holds back a groan, dreading the coming conversation. “What’s gotten into you?” Jun shrugs. And he can’t help but notice how sad Wonwoo sounds when he says: “You aren’t yourself around her.” 

Jun drops his spoon, placing his hands on his knees. “I just don’t trust her Wonwoo. Something about her unsettles me.” 

Wonwoo takes another sip of his soup. “You’re entitled to your judgement, but that does not mean you’re entitled to treat her so rudely. I just want the two of you to make peace. And believe it or not, she wants to make peace too.” 

Jun huffs; he doesn’t feel like giving in easily tonight. “If the Gift wants to make peace, then let her make it.” 

“She’s already tried. And if you must call her something, she prefers Fortitude.” 

“Fortitude isn’t a name—”

“Neither is Gift.”

“— it’s a title, Wonwoo.” 

“And what would you do if a title was the only name you had?” 

Jun bites the inside of his cheek, mumbling, “but what if it’s not the only name she has?”

Wonwoo shakes his head in frustration. “Jun, I can only advise you to make peace. It’s up to you whether you do or not.” 

And with that Wonwoo leaves from the dining room. Jun finishes the rest of his dinner alone. 

—THE GIFT OF FORTITUDE—

You were unhappy. You didn’t want to be at Lord Jun’s estate in these strange southern lands. You did not want to be somewhere you were unwelcome. Even before your return to the Golden Palace, you never traveled too far away from the King’s City. The thought of being so far away from the lands you’re used to calling home makes your skin itch. 

There’s a knock on your door. You open it to a young servant girl. “Lady Gift, Lord Jun is asking if you would like to accompany him on a walk to the beach.” 

You wonder for a second if this is some sort of joke. You can’t imagine Jun waking up and deciding he wants to spend time with you willingly. Then you suspect if Wonwoo put him up to it. 

“You can tell him I’m coming and that I’ll meet him by the back gates.” 

You get dressed quickly and walk down the estate to the gates. When you arrive, Lord Jun is already waiting, facing away from the estate and towards the grassy path. 

“Lord Jun.” 

He nods at your greeting, and the walk begins in silence. 

“You seem to already know your way around the estate.” Jun mentions by the time the grass and sand have begun to mix under your feet. 

“Wonwoo gave me a very thorough tour this morning.” 

Jun laughs but it sounds small and strained. “Yes, Wonwoo is not the type to spare any details.” 

You settle back into a silence. You’re surprised with how civil the walk has been so far, and you duly note how this might be the first time Jun hasn’t stared at you hatefully. With another look at the boy, you find that his eyes—when they aren’t filled with anger—are actually quite kind. You also find beauty in the way the sunlight bounces off them. You smile. 

“Lord Jun,” you address softly, “did Wonwoo put you up to this?” 

He chuckles, and instead of answering your question, he says: “Lady Gift, I would like to apologize for how I treated you these past couple days. I am not used to the happenings of the Golden Palace. I was shocked. But that’s no excuse for how I acted. I’m sorry. I truly am.”

For the second time that day, you’re surprised, and not only because Jun is apologizing but also because of how sincerely he sounds saying it. 

“Thank you, Lord Jun.” 

He shakes his head. “It’s the least I could do, Lady Gift. But I hope you accept this as an apology for my behavior as well, and that you find it in you to forgive me.” 

You nod. “I’ll forgive you if you agree to drop the formalities.” 

Jun claps his hands. “Doesn’t seem like you’re getting nearly as much out of this arrangement as I am, but I accept nonetheless.” He stops walking and holds out his hand. “Do we have an agreement?” 

You shake his outstretched hand. “I suppose we do.” 

He smiles, and you’re shocked for the third time that day. Shocked that the man before you is the same one you met at the Golden Palace. The same man whose hatred for you was so strong you could have sensed it across a room. The same man who is taking you on this walk and no longer calling you Gift. Shocked that Jun is the one to make the peace you wanted so badly. 

You find yourself to be smiling too. 

“Come on,” Jun says, continuing the walk, “I think it’s about time you saw the sea.” 

You both continue down the now sandy path. You admire the way Jun so easily walks in the sand. You, on the other hand, struggle to adapt to your feet sinking and shifting in the ground beneath you. 

Jun tells you that walking in the sand will get easier with time. It takes a moment for you to register the fact that he noticed. 

“Wow,” is all you can say at the blue expanse before you. You think Seokmin was right. The paintings do not do justice to the sea. The paintings were unable to capture the real thing. 

“You said that blue is your favorite shade of the Zalazar River right?” 

Your smile widens. “Yes, but this…” you motion to the water, “this is even better.” 

Jun hums triumphantly. “Accept this as a peace offering.” 

“Oh Jun, we have already bargained and made peace.” 

“I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but you’re actually terrible at bargaining.” He laughs. “That deal was far too uneven for me to accept with dignity. So please, accept this instead.” 

“I was not aware you knew how to make a joke.” You tease. 

“Please,” he repeats, sounding suddenly serious. 

You tilt your head. “I also was not aware the sea was yours to give as peace offerings.” 

“It’s not.” He bites back a smile. “But it is yours to take.” 

You think for a moment. And when the next wave crashes into the shore, you nod.

***

You send a message with the Risal to Seokmin that night. 

Dear Seokmin, I hope things at the palace are doing well. You were right. The sea is so much more than I thought. The sea is something else entirely. Give everyone my love. -Fortitude 

—LORD JUN—

Jun is sitting at his desk. He has piles of papers to sort through, file, fill out, and sign, and yet he can’t seem to focus on the small amount of work he’s obliged to do as a Lord. Instead he’s focused on the view outside the window of his office which overlooks the courtyard. More specifically, he focuses on the way you sit at the edge of the fountain teasing a stray cat with a loose string. Suddenly, you look towards the sky and stick your arm out. A bird swoops down from nowhere and perches itself on your extended forearm. Jun wonders if your abilities as a Gift include an inclination towards animals. The bird drops an envelope in your lap; you read the cover before setting it down beside you. Jun squints at the scene and recognizes the bird as your Risal. This piques his interest. 

“Wonwoo,” Jun calls out. Wonwoo tends to keep Jun company while he works, reading a book in the corner armchair. But when Jun is met with silence, he looks over to find the book closed on his lap and Wonwoo fast asleep. Jun covers Wonwoo with a blanket and exits his office silently. He figures he might as well go for a walk if he isn’t going to get any work done. 

When he finds you in the courtyard, the cat has settled down in your lap, and the Risal sits on the stretch of fountain ledge next to you. You seem to sense Jun behind you before he bothers to make his presence known. 

“Have you already finished your work Jun?” You ask, not turning around to face him. He walks the circumference of the fountain before stopping a little before you and answering. 

“Not exactly.” He sits down on the fountain ledge next to the Risal. 

“Well,” you mumble scratching a place behind the cat’s ear, “I suppose now is as good a time for a break as any.” 

“Yes, I thought so too.” Jun responds, more focused on the bird in front of him. “Can I pet it?”

You nod. You advise him to start at the beak until the bird trusts him. It doesn’t take long for the bird to nuzzle under his palm. 

“It likes you.” you say, sounding a little shocked. “Winning a Risal’s trust usually takes much longer.” 

Jun smiles shyly. The two of you settle into a silence. You scratching the stray cat to sleep and Jun running his hand along the bird in awe. It had become like that between you two. There was never much conversation and yet somehow the silences you shared never felt empty or weird. Jun isn’t sure if he can truly trust you, but he does know he was wrong about you. You’re no monster. In fact, you’re just as human as him and Wonwoo. 

“How do they work?” Jun wonders, looking up from the bird. “The Risals.”

You sit up slightly. “Would you like to see?” 

He nods. You set the cat down on the ground and beckon for Jun to stand up as well. 

You collect the Risal on your arm and start walking away from him. “Move farther away.” You tell him. “It won’t work if we’re too close.” 

Once you are the entire length of the courtyard apart, you nod in approval and say something Jun can’t hear to the bird. The bird suddenly launches itself from your arm and soars into the sky. Jun closely watches how the Risal disappears behind the clouds. 

You cup your hands around your mouth and shout from across the courtyard: “When you hear a bird’s screech, hold out your arm.” 

Jun waits a moment. Eventually the screech comes, and Jun thinks how you forgot to mention how loud it would be. The screech makes him jump and clasp his arms over his ears. You don't even flinch. Jun looks to see if the cat is spooked and finds that the cat is still peacefully asleep on the ground. Out of the corner his eye, he sees you pointing wildly at his arm. Jun quickly sticks it out. He looks up at the sky only to see the Risal already swooping down and landing neatly on his arm. His mouth opens in shock. 

“Now,” you yell, “tell it to go to me.” 

Jun looks the Risal in the eye. He wonders if this is all some elaborate joke. The bird couldn’t possibly understand him if he were to speak to it, right? Then he wonders if he’s mad for believing that it can. He inhales. 

“Go to the Gift of Fortitude.” 

And Jun swears the Risal seems to nod before leaping off his arm and flying straight up into the sky once more. He watches the sky keenly, and then also covers his ears with his hands in anticipation of the screech. It never comes. Instead, the bird dives down from the sky, calming landing on your outstretched arm. Jun runs to you immediately.  

“How come there was no screech this time?” Jun asks breathlessly, meeting you at your end of the courtyard. 

“There was.” You say simply, petting the bird. Jun furrows his brows. “The screech is only heard by the one who the Risal is meant for.” It clicks for Jun then why you didn’t flinch and why the cat is still in a ball by the fountain. 

“So,” Jun says slowly, “how does the Risal understand the name you tell it?”

You shrug. 

“What if you get the name wrong? Or there’s multiple people with that name?”

You shrug again. “They’re never wrong though, in my experiences at least. It’s almost as if they understand the intent more than the name itself.”

“And the way it just disappears into the sky?” 

“Remarkable isn’t it?”

Jun smiles at the child-like excitement in your voice. He nods. “They must be incredibly smart creatures.” 

“They’re not just smart.” You begin scratching a spot under the Risal’s beak. The bird melts under your touch. “They’re magical.”

—THE GIFT OF FORTITUDE—

Dear Fortitude, I thought you’d like the sea. Things at the palace are as fine as can be. Seungkwan misses you dearly. I’ll keep you updated on Father and other palace occurrings. Although in all honesty, things have been quiet since your departure. I hope you’re resting well and enjoying the southern scenery despite the circumstances. Give my regards to Captain Wonwoo and Lord Jun. -Seokmin 

—LORD JUN—

“The service was long today.” Jun states exiting the temple with Wonwoo and you. The southern temples, unlike the palace temple, were old and traditionally built. This temple in particular had been built long before the Holy Wars. 

“I didn’t think so.” Wonwoo says, swatting a hand around his face to shoo away a bug. “What did you think?” 

But when they look over at you, you appear to be somewhere else altogether. Suddenly, you still. 

 “Is that a…” you begin, your voice small, unbelieving. 

Jun follows your gaze to a building at the top of the hill behind the temple. He follows your gaze to the sanctuary. You start walking towards the hill before Jun and Wonwoo can stop you. 

The sanctuary hasn’t been used in years, and the state of it shocks Jun. In fact, the sanctuary itself shocks Jun. He’s never been inside one. His knowledge of them was limited to what he had seen and read in textbooks growing up. Before the Holy Wars, all temples used to have sanctuaries nearby. They were built in honor of the Seven Sins and Seven Gifts of the Spirit. Sculptures were meant to line the walls of the sanctuaries, seven on the left for the Sins and seven on the right for the Gifts. And at the front of the sanctuaries, a sculpture of Maratelli the archangel was meant to stand tall. However after the Holy Wars, most sanctuaries were destroyed by mobs. People no longer felt the need to pay their respects to the beings who started the war that nearly destroyed the kingdom. The few sanctuaries that weren’t burned to the ground were left vandalized, most of the sculptures reduced to rubble. 

The sanctuary Jun, Wonwoo, and you stand in is no exception. Cobwebs cover all the walls and a thick layer of dust clouds everything in sight. The sanctuary is hauntingly cold and damp. Only two sculptures are left standing: Maratelli’s, whose arms and wings have been broken off, and one of the Gifts. Upon closer examination, Jun finds that the other standing sculpture is the one dedicated to you, the Gift of Fortitude. The face of the sculpture is gone as if someone chipped away at the stone until the contours of the face disappeared. And on top of the blank stone where the face should be, die is written in black paint and monster is written on the torso. The sight makes Jun sick to the stomach. 

But that’s not where Jun finds you. Instead, Jun and Wonwoo find you kneeling on the floor next to the broken stone of what once was a sculpture dedicated to the Sin of Pride. Jun helplessly realizes the tragedy that must litter your past in the way that everyone you once knew died before your eyes. You bow your head to the floor and sob. Jun feels like an intruder in this moment, as if he’s watching something personal and private, something not meant for his eyes. The broken marble you bury your face into does little to conceal the pain in your sobs, and Jun can’t help the way his heart aches at the sheer amount of heartbreak that rings from your cries. 

Jun and Wonwoo decide to wait for you outside. 

—THE GIFT OF FORTITUDE—

“If I may ask, when was the last time you had a worthy opponent?” Wonwoo asks, breaking the silence of your lunch. Only you and Wonwoo were present today. 

You think it over for a moment. It's been a while since you’ve fought anyone. Even while training Hansol and the Princes, you never fought them yourself. “The Holy Wars most likely.” 

Wonwoo nods, placing a hand under his chin. “Not that I would make one, but one of these days could we fight?”

You suck in a breath. Wonwoo’s question feels foreign in your mind. “I’m not so sure that’s a good idea.”

“Just a friendly scuffle?” 

“I don’t—“ 

“Or perhaps a sword fight?”

“I’m afraid I’ll hurt you.”

“We could set up rules to prevent such, and I can take a little pain. I might be retired but—”

“No, Wonwoo.” You cut him off. “I don’t want to fight you.” 

He shrinks back into his seat. “Forgive me. But…” he hesitates, “can I ask why not?” 

You sigh. “I don’t fight for pleasure anymore.” 

***

The sea is quieter than usual and the waves crash in whispers the day you and Wonwoo go for a walk along the shore. You had quickly adapted to the way your feet sink in the sand; and today, you find comfort in it.  

It’s also the day that Wonwoo reveals his plans to head home soon. You hadn’t even considered the possibility that this wasn’t Wonwoo’s home. He explains how his family lives farther east and how he splits his time between Jun’s estate and his own home, travelling back and forth frequently. And when you question why he even bothers returning to Jun’s estate, why he bothers leaving home, Wonwoo laughs loudly and explains that Jun pays him good money to stay and keep him company. You also hadn’t realized that this was Wonwoo’s job.

—LORD JUN—

“Don’t you think it’s a little desperate to pay Wonwoo to leave his family and keep you company?” You tease as you and Jun wave goodbye to Wonwoo.

Jun scoffs, side eyeing Wonwoo’s retreating figure. “Is that what he told you?” You nod. “I’ll have you know he was staying for free before I insisted on him accepting the money.” 

You laugh, and Jun notices the way your eyes crinkle. “Yes, yes. I figured as much.”   

The young servant girl appears then, asking Jun if anything more is needed. Jun tells her she can go home for the day, and she flushes a dark red. Jun notices how you notice. 

And when the servant girl leaves, Jun watches the way you smile, your lips concealing a secret.

“Fortitude,” he blurts, “would you like to go on a walk with me?” 

***

“What’s her name? The young servant girl?” You ask as you both start along the path towards the beach. 

“Mina.”

“And how old is she?”

“15 come winter I believe.”

You nod slowly, a smile similar to the one before growing on your face. “It’s cute, how smitten she is by you.” 

Jun bites his bottom lip. “I don’t mean to make her…” He trails off, unable to find the right words. 

“Smile less.” 

Jun quirks his head, looking up at you. “My smile…?”

You nod. “It’s your smile she falls for.” 

Jun lets the statement sink, and the wind seems to pick up while he does. A sound faintly resembling a growl comes from you. He looks over to find you struggling to keep your hair at bay, the dark locks flying wildly in the wind. 

You huff, annoyed. “I didn’t bring anything to tie it back with.” 

“You could braid it.” Jun suggests.

You run a hand through your hair in another attempt to push it back. “How terrible is it that I never learned how to braid it myself?” 

Jun blinks at you. You pick at a spot below your chin. 

“Don’t laugh.” you stutter, but it’s too late because Jun is already chuckling behind his hand. You shove him, hard. 

“Would you like me to braid it for you?” 

You look at him, your hair unattractively covering your face. You push it back, determining whether Jun’s offer is genuine or not. 

“Seriously?”

“Seriously.”

Your shoulders drop. “Yes please.” 

Jun moves behind you, gathering your hair in his hands and beginning to braid it. 

“Where’d you learn how to braid anyways?” You ask, voice raised to be heard against the wind. 

“My sister, Jennie, would make me braid her hair sometimes.” 

You shove a loose strand behind your ear. “I didn’t know you had a sister.” 

“She’s illegitime, technically. My father had her with another woman before he married my mother.” 

“Where is she?” You wonder aloud as Jun finishes the braid off. 

“She married an islander, Seungcheol, and lives there with him.” Jun allows his eyes to drift towards the sea. Islands were peppered all along the coast, and the island Jennie and her husband and kids lived on was only a couple hours from here by boat. Jun made sure they visited each other often enough, and wrote to each other even more frequently. 

“It must be nice.” You mutter, focused on knotting the end of your braid. “To have a sibling.” 

And Jun swears he’s never heard anyone sound so lonely. 

—THE GIFT OF FORTITUDE—

The walks along the shore had become a daily activity for you and Jun, but today Jun was busy which left you helplessly bored and laying in your bed staring at the ceiling. Your mind had begun to wander to Soonyoung and his impossible journey, to Hansol and your forgotten conversation, to the King and his future plans, and to Lord Mark. Maybe the King was smart to send you here after all, being far away from the Golden Palace made you forget why you were sent here to begin with. It was easy to ignore the gravity of the palace issues here at Jun’s estate. It was easy to push aside the fog in your mind when you thought about your past. It was almost too easy to throw your worries into the sea and watch them crash against the rocks. 

So when Mina walks in with a fresh load of laundry, you don't hesitate to ask if the young girl would care to accompany you on a walk. And when Mina agrees, you’re grateful that you’ve found a distraction. 

When you ask why Mina works, you learn that she is the oldest of seven. You frown at the thought of Mina's wages going all to her family, but she’s quick to tell you not to worry. Apparently Jun pays the estate staff well. The thought makes you smile. A question arises at the faint blush appearing on Mina’s cheeks. You hesitate a little. 

“Mina, do you happen to have a crush on Lord Jun?” 

Mina freezes like a deer. “Oh Lady Gift, it isn’t like that please don’t misunderstand. It’s not like I intend to marry him or anything.” She shakes her head vigorously. “It’s just that… Lord Jun has shown me nothing but kindness and I-“ She cuts herself off, fidgeting with her fingers. You assure her that it’s okay. Mina continues unsurely. “It’s just that it’s hard to not direct my feeling of gratitude in that way.” 

“And,” you hum, nudging her shoulder, “I’m sure it doesn’t help how handsome Lord Jun is.” 

An embarrassed smile emerges on Mina’s face, and it turns almost mischievous when she says: “I would like it to go on record that I was not the one who said it.” 

You erupt in laughter. 

***

If you knew Mina wasn’t skilled in the art of keeping things to herself, you wouldn’t have admitted to the young girl your thoughts of Jun’s face. But alas, you had, and there was nothing you could do to stop the gossiping of a young girl. It was just your luck that Jun took it upon himself to tease you for the admission endlessly. 

The day the teasing stops is the day you want nothing more than to shoot an arrow. 

To your dismay, Jun’s estate does not house an archery gallery. But when Jun learns of your desire, he offers an alternative. So with the bow and arrow you brought from the Golden Palace and wooden plates acting as targets held up by Jun himself, your wish is granted. 

You notch an arrow and breathe, taking note of the wind shift before letting the arrow fly. It hits the plate exactly where you had sent it. 

“So is it safe to assume that archery is another gift you have as a Gift?” Jun shouts to you from across the beach, pulling the arrow from out the plate and dropping it in a pile. 

“Yes, it is.” You respond, grabbing another arrow from beside you. You take notice of how nonchalantly Jun stands. “Are you not frightened by me shooting arrows towards a target that lies in your hand?” 

He shrugs. “Well, are you scared?” 

You’re taken aback by the question, but you aren’t scared. The arrow would land only where you wanted it to. 

“No.”

“Then why should I be.” Jun says easily, holding the target back up. “Also, I know you’d never purposely hurt me.” He adds with a coy smile. “You think I’m too handsome.” 

You string the arrow in less than a second, aiming straight for Jun’s face. “What was that?” 

A giggling Jun cowers behind the target and runs. 

***

Sleep doesn’t come to you that night. Your mind runs wild with thoughts of the Golden Palace. You think and overthink the events that led up to Soonyoung being sent away and then again the ones that led up to Lord Mark’s untimely death. You find that the memories slip past your fingers, a fog encompassing them. The same fog that clouds your memories of the past. It appears that your mind houses more fog than actual memories.  It appears that the fog is driving you mad. 

You elect to think of something new. Your eyes land on the Risal from Seokmin you have yet to respond to. You would’ve sent one back sooner if the line about Seungkwan didn’t make you so upset. You reluctantly recall your last conversation with him. He was still the same foolish little boy you have always known. You suppose that’s what makes your falling out so heartbreaking. You have known all three princes from the moment they were born. You raised them alongside their mother and your dearest friend, and when she passed, you raised them like they were your own family. Not exactly like a mother, but something more akin to a cousin or an aunt. The three princes were the closest thing you had to a family, and the thought that Seungkwan could love you romantically repulsed you. You were mad at Seungkwan, disappointed in him, and yet, you still miss him as much as you miss Seokmin and Soonyoung. You long to talk with the three princes like you once did, before Seungkwan loved you and before they were old enough to concern themselves with the state of the kingdom and the state of their own father. And this time, the longing is what drives you mad.   

You decide that thinking will only lead to misery tonight, and with a glance at the full moon outside your window, you also decide a walk must be better than lying here, drowning in your own thoughts. You pull on a pair slippers before silently exiting your room. 

The beach is quiet tonight. The waves tease and kiss the shore and then disappear back into the sea. While you walk, you think about all the ways the sea has shown itself to you. You only realize how far you’ve walked when you reach the rocks. 

You were told about the rocky cliffs that laid a little to the west of Jun’s estate by Jun, Wonwoo, and Mina. But you had never walked so far with either of them to see them yourself. 

The waves don’t seem larger here, but they crash against the rocks as if they are. The waves and the rocks clash like two forces in battle. Somehow the image and the sound bring a bit of comfort to the battle raging in your mind. 

Where you stand, the rocks are scattered, but further along the beach, the rocks multiply and gather until they completely cover the sand. The rocks start flat and then pile on top of each other until you’re staring at the rocky cliffs you have heard so much about. You think you like this rocky beach more than the sandy one you’ve grown accustomed to. 

You stiffen when you notice a figure sitting on one of the flat rocks. The person looks tired in the way they sit with their shoulders dropped and dragging, and yet the person is so captivated by the sea they don’t even notice you coming. Upon closer examination, you realize that you recognize the figure sitting alone on the rocks. Your guard drops when you realize the person is Jun. 

“Jun,” you say, appearing behind him, carefully walking towards where he sits on the rocks.

“Ah, Fortitude.” He doesn’t flinch at your appearance. He doesn’t even bother taking his eyes off the water. “Couldn’t sleep?”

You hum. “And you?” 

He shakes his head. “Wonwoo calls this spot the insomniac's bed.” 

“Do you come here often then?”

“Nearly every night.” He looks away from the sea and stares at you still standing behind him.“Please,” he stutters, patting a dry patch of rock next to him, “sit.” You do.

“Is it safe to jump into the water from there?” You ask suddenly. 

You wait for Jun to follow your eyes. “Ah, from the cliff?” You nod. “It isn’t safe to jump from most cliffs. There could be rocks in the water, or if the waves are too strong they could push you back against the base of the cliff.” 

“Yes, but what about this cliff?” 

Jun sighs, although he doesn’t sound tired or frustrated. “They call that cliff Angel’s Peak.” 

“Why?”

He raises an eyebrow. “Because you’ll need the wings of an angel to survive it.” 

“Oh.” You don't think about it any further. 

The two of you don’t speak, the waves that crash against the rocks do that for you. You let the sound overwhelm you, feeling more peace and more clarity than you’ve felt in years. 

As a Gift of the Spirit, you lived longer than most, and part of your powers allow you to stay young. You could though, grow old. You could wake up one day and decide to start aging again. You could let herself wrinkle and grey like everyone else. But after King Jeonghan died, after the last person who knew you as more than just a Gift stopped aging, you did too. You have been told that even though your face doesn’t show your age, your eyes do. It’s been said that your eyes tell the story of all the years you’ve endured. 

You study Jun. This must be it, you think. This must be what people see when they look at your eyes because when you look at Jun’s, you can see the life he’s endured behind them. You can see the age behind the brown. You wonder what Jun must be thinking in this moment to make his life appear so long and sad. You wonder how Jun manages to feel like an equal to you despite your life being so much longer. You wonder—

“How old are you?”

If Jun’s shocked by the sudden question, he doesn’t show it. “As old as Soonyoung,” then with a sigh he adds, “but I feel as old as you.” 

And with the way Jun says it, as if he holds mountains on his shoulders, you believe him. 

“Well, maybe not as old as you,” Jun continues, talking quickly as if he misspoke. “I just meant that I feel old. Or at least older than I am.” 

“No,” you mumble, picking at a loose strand, “I think I understand.”

“Can I ask you a question then?” 

“Depends.” 

Jun waits a beat as if he’s testing the words on his tongue first. “How old are you?”

You inhale. “Too old, Jun.” 

He doesn’t ask you to explain any further, but when you think about the years behind Jun’s eyes, something in you yearns to tell him more anyways. 

“It’s a lonely thing to do,” you continue, eyes trained on the water, “to get old but not grow old.” 

“So then why don’t you?” 

“These days, I’m not so sure.” You meet Jun’s gaze, and suddenly you feel as tired as you do old. 

“Good night, Jun,” you tell him, standing up, “I hope sleep comes to you soon.” 

*** 

Dear Seokmin, I miss the old days. Why did you boys have to grow so old? Why did things have to get so difficult? Keep me updated on palace news, but spare me the court’s gossip. I worry about Soonyoung too much for my own good. Tell me if you hear anything from him. Tell Seungkwan that I miss him too, but that I’ve missed him long before I left the Golden Palace. -Fortitude

—LORD JUN—

The wind was softer and the sun hid behind the clouds more often after that night at the rocks. It was hard for Jun to explain, but after that day, something had changed. You let him in, and suddenly, things were different. You would ask Jun to braid your hair again, and he’d do it with a smile. He found himself craving more.

So when he asks you if you were born as a Gift of the Spirit, he knows he’s been thinking about the question long before he felt comfortable enough to ask it. 

“No.” You tell him, kicking your feet in the sand. “I was born normal. Just like anyone else.” 

“Oh,” Jun says softly. 

“It happened when I was six.” You continue. “The other six Gifts came to my village, told me I was destined to be Fortitude, and that was that.” 

“Six?” Jun repeats, saddened by how young you were. You nod. “You never got to be a kid.” 

Your mouth twitches. “Yeah.”

And when the frown that appears on your lips pulls at a certain part of Jun, he decides he wants to help you take back a little piece of your stolen past. “Tell me something you wish you could’ve done.” 

You squint at him. 

“As a child, what’s one thing you wish you could’ve done?” 

You exhale deeply. “Oh, I don’t know.” You pause, then laugh a little. “I guess, run.” 

It was Jun’s turn to squint. “Run?”

“I mean to run like a child. Barefoot and wild and mad.” 

Jun starts pulling his shoes off. 

“Well,” Jun states when you give him a blank stare, “are you going to run with me or what?”

Slowly, you begin pulling your boots off too. Then once you’re both barefoot, feet sinking in the cold sand, Jun nods, and 

you run. 

By the time you stop, the air has emptied itself from Jun’s lungs. You, on the other hand, glow with something Jun can’t put his finger on, but you glow and smile so brightly Jun thinks the numbness in his legs is worth it. 

Jun only realizes you’ve run as far as the rocks when you start climbing up to the top of Angel’s Peak. Jun begrudgingly climbs up the cliff behind you. 

When you finally reach the top, Jun sits, exhausted and lets his legs dangle over the edge. He inhales, refilling his lungs with the sea’s salty mist. 

Jun loves the sea. He loves the water. It’s almost as if the water is a part of him, as if the salty sea carries his heart between the waves. And somehow the water loves Jun back. Jennie used to call him a mermaid because of how well he swims, and at one point, Jun had convinced himself he was. Jun feels at home by the sea. He feels peace listening to the seagulls and the lapping water. If time allowed it, Jun would spend years staring at the blue water. 

Today however, sitting on top of the rocky cliffs with the Gift of Fortitude, Jun doesn’t watch the sun dip into the ocean and disappear beyond the horizon. Today Jun watches you. He watches how you seem to be smiling without a smile. He watches the water spray on your forehead and the scrunch of your nose when it does. He watches stories of a kingdom before his birth and of people he will never meet unfold behind your eyes. He wonders how much time he could spend staring at you. 

You meet his eyes, and Jun doesn’t think he’s ever seen you look so happy. Yet for some reason, when your lips do turn up in a smile, all he can think of is the image of you at the sanctuary. How you knelt on the floor and clutched the crushed marble belonging to the Sin of Pride. All he can think of is the soul-crushing amount of hurt in your cries. 

Jun hesitates. 

“Who was the Sin of Pride to you?” 

In that moment, the seagulls seem to turn quiet, and the waves seem to pause a second away from hitting the rocks. Jun thinks he’s gone too far or that he’s asked you too much. In that moment, Jun wants to swallow the words back. But before he can, the seagulls break their silence, screeching somewhere in the clouds. And the waves don’t just hit the rocks, they slam and bang and beat against them. Jun coughs the words up before he can take them back. Your lips part, and Jun’s forced to watch as a new story unfolds behind your eyes, one of youth, loss, hurt, and hate. And then you surprise him by smiling. 

“The Sin of Pride,” you start tucking your knees under your chin, “was my best friend before I was a Gift and he was a Sin. His name was Chan, and we grew up in the same village. He was announced as the Sin of Pride a week before I was.” 

Jun repeats the name in his mind. Then once outloud. You blink as if it’s weird to hear it said by someone else. It sparks Jun’s curiosity, and he wonders aloud if you had a name before Fortitude. 

“I did, but I’m no longer the person that name was given to.” You say, voice low and cold. 

“Forgive me if I intruded.” 

You shake your head. “You asked. There’s a difference.” 

He turns his eyes to the water. “Is it hard to remember?” 

“Usually.” You tell him with a small pout. Then after a pause you add: “When I think about the past, there’s this fog, and that fog makes remembering painful. In fact the headache I had the morning we first met was caused by trying to remember something the night before. But right now, the fog in my mind isn’t so thick; right now, I’m not struggling to remember.” 

Jun listens to you speak intently. He doesn’t want to push you, but he can’t help his own curiosity. So when Jun hears an invitation laced within the tone of your voice. Jun realizes that some part of you wants to remember as much as Jun wants to know. 

And so, he says: “Tell me about your past.”

And you do. 

You tell Jun about the village you grew up in and your parents. You describe to him how different and peaceful the kingdom was under the reign of the Queen who ruled when you were young. You tell him about Chan and the week he was taken. Then, you tell him about the week you were taken yourself. 

“Back then, all the Sins and Gifts were adored by the people, they were loved.” You recall, and Jun can’t help but notice the jealousy that seeps between the crack in your voice. “They rode with such confidence and were respected by the people. So respected that my mother didn’t even hesitate to let them take me away.” This time sadness is what seeps through the crack.  

“Where’d they take you?” 

You halt at Jun’s question. “I don’t remember,” you say slowly as if you aren’t sure of the words leaving your own mouth. “The next thing I do remember is arriving at the Golden Palace, but by then, they had already made me the Gift of Fortitude.”

“How do you mean?”

“I’m not sure.” You scratch at your chin. “And now that I think about it, it must’ve been at least a year between when I left my family to when I was taken to the Golden Palace.” 

Jun turns to you, wondering how you could possibly lose an entire year of memory, and then wondering how terrible it must be for you knowing that you have. 

“Did you get to see your family again?” 

You shake your head. “My mother fought and died in the Holy Wars. I saw my father once, after it was all over, but he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He wanted nothing to do with the person who was on the side of the war his wife died fighting against.” 

“But what about the fact that you're his daughter?”

You bite your bottom lip. “At that point, he no longer saw me as his daughter.”

Jun can’t imagine how much it must hurt to admit, especially considering how much it hurts Jun to even hear. 

“But it was okay, because I never really knew my father and because I had Chan.” You tell Jun with a smile. “By the time we became Sins and Gifts, the two groups were already fighting; they just hadn’t made it into a war yet. The Queen went as far as having the Gifts and Sins stay in opposite wings of the Golden Palace to avoid confrontation. Chan and I used to sneak out to the palace roof at nights just to talk. But then,” your smile turns down, “the Queen was killed.”

Jun knows this part although you repeat the story written in textbooks anyways. The Queen was murdered under an order from the Gifts, and by the time her son, Jeonghan, took the throne, the Seven Gifts had fled from the palace, marking the start of the Holy Wars.

“I didn’t see Chan much after that. The next and last time I saw him was right before he died.” You continue. 

“Is that why you switched sides?” 

You nod. “As Sins and Gifts, we’re gifted with fighting skill, but our injuries are fatal. That’s how most of the Sins and Gifts died during the Holy Wars. So when I heard news that Chan had been injured, I knew it was only a matter of time until he would be dead too. He was being nursed inside the Golden Palace, and as a Gift, I wasn’t allowed in. So King Jeonghan struck me a deal. Jeonghan said that if I protected him and stayed loyal to him until his death, he would allow me to come to the palace and see Chan.”

You stop to breathe. Jun doesn’t say anything, but you watch him as if you’re waiting for him too. Jun thinks it’s wrong, what King Jeonghan did. Jun thinks he had no right to make you indebted to him. Somehow, you seem to sense what Jun’s thinking. 

“It’s easy to point blame, but in reality, the line between right and wrong and between good intentions and bad ones are more blurred than they appear. Jeonghan wasn’t much older than me. Jeonghan watched his mother die in the wake of this conflict between the Sins and Gifts, a conflict he had nothing to do with. Jeonghan was as young and as desperate and as scared as I was, only he was the King. By then, I was only 12. I didn’t know much better. I was desperate and more scared of losing my best friend over the trust of the last remaining Gift so… I accepted. I sacrificed everything to watch Chan take his dying breath.” 

Through the memories you share with him, Jun begins to understand. He learns more about the Holy Wars through your pain and fear than he ever did in his history lessons. But most of all, Jun understands that you were too young to shoulder the weight of war. 

“When the last remaining Gift other than me died, I gave up the war. I ended five years of wasted blood and pointless death just like that.” You pick at the sand under your nail. “I never liked the war. I was never even told what we were fighting for until the war was over.” You say, and if you can tell how surprised Jun is to hear that you didn't even know the reason for the Holy Wars, you ignore it. “I fought blindly, and I surrendered blindly too.” 

Jun stays silent, but his mind runs wild. How many days did you spend on a battlefield? How many lives did you take? How much blood did you allow to shed for a cause you didn’t even know? 

“Do you regret it?” He asks, focused on the water because at that moment Jun can’t trust himself to look at you. 

You’re quiet. 

“I regret it all.” 

The image of you weeping in the sanctuary appears in Jun’s mind again. He hears something new in his memory of your cries. He hears regret. 

The small part of Jun that’s upset with you dissolves the moment he looks over and sees the regret that darkens your eyes. In that moment, Jun can’t manage to feel anything but pity towards the person next to him. 

“It's terrible what I did.” You say solemnly. “I sat idly by while half the kingdom died before my eyes. I know that people call me a monster, and how can I say that I’m not when I’m responsible for the deaths of so many?” You look at him, but Jun feels frozen because he can’t seem to let go of the fact that you were only 12 when this all happened. 

“Fortitude,” Jun says gently with all the love he can muster. Love to make up for the hate you so deeply feel. Not towards anyone, not towards the world. But the shocking amount of hate you feel towards yourself. “No part of you is a monster. Because the Holy Wars were not your fault. And because it never will be.” 

Jun can see something in you come apart. Jun can see the deep-rooted hate you have harbored for yourself escape from the corners of your eyes. 

And when Jun says, “The sins of your predecessors are not yours to suffer,” he swears he hears something within you break.

You both stare at the sea in a deafening silence. It’s a long time before anyone speaks again. But by the time Jun does say something, the heavy air has been taken away by the current. 

“Although I’m still curious,” you motion for Jun to continue, “what did the Holy Wars turn out to be about?” 

You close your eyes and keep them closed for longer than Jun can call normal. When you do open your eyes again, they’re angry, and there’s just a hint of venom in your voice when you say: “I can’t remember.” 

You throw your hands up. “Oh Jun, there’s so much I don’t know. About this kingdom and its history. About me and what it means to be a Gift of the Spirit. I don’t even know if there was a Gift of Fortitude before me. All of these things I was supposed to learn from the other Gifts. They were meant to teach me and mentor me, but they were too concerned with their own conflict. They left me with so many unanswered questions and unsolved mysteries. Half of which concern myself. Maybe it wouldn’t be as bad as it is if Jeonghan didn’t have all the libraries burned to the ground and all of the historic scrolls and teachings from the Elders reduced to ashes with it. Maybe then I wouldn’t feel so lost.”

You sigh, but in the next moment you’re nearly laughing. Jun helplessly wonders how you’re able to change your mood so quickly, and then he wonders how you’re able to let go of things so easily. 

“You know Jun, I’ve never told anyone these things before.” You say with the likeness of a laugh. 

Jun tilts his head to the side. “Why not?”

“No one’s ever asked.”

Jun watches the waves. He finds a picture of himself in the waves and one of you in the rocks. For he appears and is tall, grand, rolling, and proud, but then he crashes and disappears back into the murky waters. And the rocky cliffs watch it all happen. You are the cliff, still and unyielding; while Jun is just another wave, there in the moment and gone in the next.

“Did you love him?” Jun asks then, the image of the wave crashing against the rock replaying in his mind. 

“Chan?” 

Jun nods, and you look up to the sky. 

“I was too young to even know what love looked like.”

It’s then that Jun tastes the salt on his lips. 

***

After that day, you’re bedridden for some time with a migraine. You spend so long locked in your room with the lights off, Jun tries sending you a nurse. You refuse the help stubbornly but politely. The next time he sees you is when you feel well enough to join him for dinner. 

“I hope you’re feeling better.” He says as Mina brings out plates with your meals. 

“I am, thank you Jun.” You take a bite of your food. 

“Was it remembering that day that caused it?” 

You nod. “I’ve never been able to recall that much before.” The statement sounds sad to Jun, and yet, you say it happily. “The pain of the headache was worth how good it felt to remember.”  

“Have you forgotten what you remembered?” Jun asks, thinking back to when you said you usually forget again after. 

“Oddly enough, I have not.” You smile. Jun feels a little hot; he thinks the fire must’ve grown in the hearth.   

“Jun, do you know what Fortitude means?” Jun shakes his head at your question as your dinner comes near an end. “I was told it meant courage.” You continue, clinking your fork against the plate.”And it feels like such a burden. To carry this responsibility. And to carry this name.” 

Jun stares at you. He watches the way your arms dangle by your side as if they would fall off at the drop of a hat. He watches how you keep your eyes on your now empty plate. He watches you keep a smile on your face despite the way your voice sounds so sad. 

“I’m afraid I don’t understand.” 

“That’s alright Jun.” The corner of your lip quirks. “Sometimes it’s more important to be heard than to be understood.” 

You stand up and excuse yourself from dinner. Jun watches you go. 

—THE GIFT OF FORTITUDE—

When Wonwoo finally returns to Jun’s estate, it feels like he’s been gone for an eternity. You’re out in the market with Mina when he comes riding down the street on horseback. You call his name until he turns towards you. You have to unwrap the scarp you have fitted around your head and face before he recognizes you. 

Later that day, you and Wonwoo ride on horseback through a forest trail. You wonder aloud why he isn’t tired after sitting on a saddle for the better part of the day. He shrugs and says something about not minding the pain of riding in exchange for the scenery. 

“Actually, I also wanted to talk to you about something.” You can hear the concern in Wonwoo’s voice. You sit up on your horse. “Jun’s father’s death anniversary is approaching.”

Oh. 

“He tends to get very…” Wonwoo trails off, scratching the stubble growing on his chin. “He just isn’t himself during this part of the year. I thought you might appreciate a warning.” 

“Thank you, Wonwoo.” You wait a beat. “Are you taking care of yourself?” 

“How do you mean?” 

“I heard you were close to Jun’s father.”

“Oh,” he chuckles darkly, “I’ll be fine. It’s Jun I worry about.” 

“And who’s here to worry about you?” 

Wonwoo sighs. “Thank you for the concern.” 

***

The day of the anniversary itself, Wonwoo spends the entire day in his room and Jun disappears somewhere on the beach, only returning to the estate to ready himself for the temple service that night. You think that the whole estate, not just the residents, but the walls, the stone, the furniture, the rugs; the whole estate seems to be in mourning. You find yourself wanting to mourn too. 

There’s a knock on your door later that day while you’re reading a Risal from Seokmin. 

“Come in.” 

“Lady Gift, it’s time for the memorial service.” 

You hum. “Give my peace to Lord Jun and Captain Wonwoo.” 

“Uh, no, Lady Gift.” Mina shifts her weight. You look over to where she stands by the door. “It’s time for you to get dressed for the service.” You stare at Mina. “Lord Jun requested that you attend the service as well.” 

“Oh,” you’re taken aback. You hadn’t realized you were wanted. 

You come down dressed in the traditional red color worn during burials and memorials. You do your best to find a red scarf to match. You meet Jun downstairs, and he tells you that you’re still waiting for Wonwoo. 

You chew on your bottom lip, unsure and timid. Suddenly the clothes feel itchy on your skin. “Jun, are you sure you want me to come?”

Jun looks confused. “Why shouldn’t you” 

“I mean I… I never really knew him.”     

Jun pouts. “There's a dock on the east side of the beach my father used to take me to. I went there today. While I was there, I was thinking about the service tonight, and I found myself thinking about you.” You swallow. “I thought about all that you shared with me the other day and about all the death you’ve seen. It’s probably better that you never knew my father. You have enough fires to light and people to mourn as it is. Remember one of them instead.”

Wonwoo appears then before you can say anything back, and you all, including Mina, head to the temple in a solemn silence. 

The temple is a sea of red. Wonwoo whispers to you that Jun’s father was loved by the people. You think that loved is an understatement; nearly the entire town has come out for the memorial service. 

You watch the fire rage. It was tradition to light fires for the dead. Years ago, fires were only lit 30 days after the death itself, but somewhere along the line, it had been normalized to light fires on the death anniversaries as well. The fire the temple has lit tonight burns bright and tall, as tall as the temple itself. The air around the temple is more smoke and flames than oxygen. You almost feel as if you’re suffocating, not from the smoke, but from the strife of an entire town which burns in the fire and contaminates the air. You choke on the sadness saturating your lungs and lingering in your veins. Your heart empties in tune with the mourning of the people for their beloved Lord. 

You inhale. 

You watch as Jun and Wonwoo throw burning logs into the flames. Soon after, others follow, throwing their own burning logs into the growing fire. You have to take a step back from the flame. Or rather Mina pulls you back muttering something about how the flying embers are dangerous. But you could care less. All you can manage to do is stare at the service unfolding before you, stunned. You have never seen a memorial service quite like this one. At the palace, the services were kept small and formal, limited to few guests and even smaller fires. But here, in these southern lands that you’re coming to love, even little children throw in twigs picked up from the nearby forest. The entire town throws in something. The entire town gets to remember the lost soul. You think that in some twisted way, it's beautiful. It’s beautiful how no one is left to mourn alone. 

You listen in on a group nearby, enough to hear that the group is sharing memories and stories of Jun’s father. The group erupts in laughter. It seems out of place almost, such loud laughter in the midst of a memorial service, but when you look around the crowd you see a similar image in every corner. The people laugh and smile. They remember with joy. You recall that day on Angel’s Peak with Jun and how good it felt to recall a part of your past. You think this must be like that. Loss was painful, but forgetting was worse. And through remembering, these people have made their pain their own to mend, bend, and break. 

It dawns on you then that the people are throwing in the love they can’t give as much as they’re throwing in their sadness for the loss. You learn that the fire before you doesn’t just rage, but that it cries and laughs as well. You learn that the wild warmth is more than just a fire; it’s an image of their love and loss. 

Jun appears beside you then. He doesn’t look as happy as the others, but he looks less sad than he did before. He hands you a log and lights it with a match. You watch the fire eat up the wood in your hand before throwing it into the orange flames. Normally, only direct family members are allowed to throw things in the fire. So when Jun hands you the log to throw, it’s actually the first time you've ever been allowed to do so. 

The last memorial you attended was for the princes’ mother. It was also the last time their father, the King, looked human to you. 30 days after her death a fire was lit by the palace temple. Seungkwan had just been born, still only an infant held in his father's arms. Soonyoung and Seokmin were young as well, and the two boys clung to their father’s legs crying more out of confusion than anything else. You watched it all happen from a corner. You watched as the four boys, the King and his sons, weeped for their lost love. You watched as they threw in burning logs. And you watched it all behind a blur of your own tears. 

You had burned a fire for your old friend, and you had burned a fire Jeonghan. But you never even lit a match for Chan; and worse than that, you never bothered to mourn the loss of your mother and father. 

Jun was right. You have plenty of fires to burn and logs to throw. So when a child passes by with a wagon of sticks in tow, you don’t hesitate to grab a handful. You throw one in for the princes’ mother, the friend that made you feel human again. You throw one in for Jeonghan, the tortured teen who understood. You throw a stick for Chan who you sacrificed everything for. You throw two in for your mother and father who you lost long before their hearts stopped beating. You throw in several for the other Sins and Gifts who created that pointless war and left you lost in your own immortal soul. You throw in the rest for Lord Mark and all the lives that have been taken by your hands. You throw your regret into the fire and mourn. 

You forget Jun’s next to you, until he puts a comforting hand on your shoulder. You lean into his touch, and the two of you mourn together.

—THE GIFT OF FORTITUDE—

You spend another sleepless night in bed thinking of Soonyoung, thinking of the King, thinking of this kingdom. And when sunlight peaks from behind your curtains, you decide you’re tired of waiting. You send a hopeful Risal to Prince Soonyoung. 

The Risal returns while you’re shooting arrows alone. When Wonwoo came back and learned how you were using plates as targets and Jun as a stand, he had crafted targets hanging from the tree branches for you to use instead. You were thankful for Wonwoo’s generosity, but now, as you notch another arrow through your bowstring, you feel Jun’s absence greatly. 

The arrow hits the wooden target with a sharp thud. 

It’s while you’re pulling the arrows from the target and placing them back in your quiver that you hear the Risal’s screech. You hold your arm out and wait for the bird to swoop down.  

No message, you think when the Risal comes back empty. You aren’t surprised that Soonyoung received your message but didn’t bother to send one back. You have been sending the eldest Prince Risals since he departed from the Golden Palace at the start of spring, and every single one of your Risals came back with no reply. So no, you aren’t surprised, but that doesn’t stop the way your shoulders sag and your lips dip in a repetitive, dull dissapointment. 

You spend the rest of the day drowning in your own worries. 

And when your thoughts somehow travel to Wonwoo’s handcrafted hanging targets. And to Jun and how he opened up his home to you, and how he listens. You decide it’s time to tell Captain Wonwoo and Lord Jun the truth; the truth you owe them. 

“Did Soonyoung respond to your Risal?” Jun asks at dinner that night. You answer his questions with a tired sigh and a small no. 

You recognize that it’s time to repay their kindness with honesty. So when Jun and Wonwoo share a look and ask you timidly why exactly Prince Soonyoung was sent away to begin with, you know. This is your chance. So you take it by the neck and run. 

You recall to Jun and Wonwoo the day things started changing within the Golden Palace. The day Soonyoung came to you sad and betrayed and alone. 

“This isn’t right,” Soonyoung muttered to you on that cold winter day. He sat in your sitting room, his hands holding up his head from falling off his shoulders altogether. You took a long sip of your tea. This was no surprise to you. From the day Soonyoung had turned old enough to understand the workings of this kingdom and sit in on council meetings, he had been meeting with you like this. Letting you in on his doubts about the policies being put in order. About this kingdom. Doubts about his place as a Prince and other ones about his own father. Eventually, Seokmin joined these meetings. Then Seungkwan did too. It had become custom, for the four of them, a Gift of the Spirit and three Princes, to sit in your sitting room, to talk about and worry for your kingdom, that was slipping into disorder and that you all loved so much.

On that cold winter day, however, only Soonyoung sat with you. Seokmin was on a northern campaign, and Seungkwan travelled with the Knights of the Holy Order leading his knights as their Commander, and all too young for the responsibility and the role. But an amazing Commander nonetheless. 

“He can’t do this,” Soonyoung had groaned, “and I’m not sure how much longer I can sit by and watch.” 

You halted, your teacup moments away from reaching your lips. You set it back down. 

“Prince Soonyoung, what are you suggesting?” 

He huffed and shook his head. You had thought he looked wild and angry and unhinged. “He’s set himself on a course to drive this kingdom into the dirt. Father hasn’t been himself for some time now. Something is wrong. Something that we can’t see. And the longer we wait, the worse he’ll get.”

“Soonyoung,” you said again, the name sounding like a plea. 

“He is no longer fit to be king!” Soonyoung slammed his hand down on the table. 

You clicked your tongue, unaffected by Soonyoung’s sudden outburst. “So it’s a coup you’re suggesting then?” 

He sighed. “I’ve already decided. He has to be stopped.” He paused, looking at you with eyes that reminded you of the days he and his brothers would run around the palace courtyard. Your heart ached at the memory. “I want you to help me. But I’ll do this without your help too.”

And so you started planning Soonyoung’s eventual overthrow of the King and of his father. 

“We kept it a secret, Soonyoung and I,” you continue. Jun and Wonwoo listen silently but intently. “We didn’t even tell his brothers. The only other person we told was Hansol. And while we plotted against the King, I started remembering things. For some reason, being around Soonyoung so much, helped me remember. The memories are broken and blurry, but in them I saw flashes of my past and found forgotten conversations with the King. He would speak with me privately quite often as a consultant of sorts. And it was in recovering those shared words, that things really started to change for Soonyoung and me. Because in my memories, the King sounds as insane as the rebellious eastern Lords make him out to be. In one moment, he’s crying about how alone he feels in this world and how he longs to go home. And in the next, he’s asking me how he can talk to Angels. It was clear to Soonyoung and I that his father wasn’t himself anymore. The King had gone mad. 

“We started hearing about his experiments at the start of summer. The King insisted that these experiments would allow him to talk to an Angel and that they’d make him less lonely. And you must understand, all of this was hard for Soonyoung. It was difficult for him to watch his own father spiral into insanity. So when Soonyoung got evidence of the King’s experiments, he took matters into his own hands. He openly defied his father, in front of the council, and so the King sent him away.

“They’re both so impulsive it’s almost laughable how the whole thing played out. But either way, the night before he left Soonyoung came to me and told me how he wasn’t giving up. He told me that when he returned to the Golden Palace it’d be as the King. So I told him…” You trail off, searching for the best way to say this next part without making yourself sound as mad as the King. 

It’s Wonwoo who asks, leaning off the edge of his seat like he can’t stand the suspense of it. “What did you tell Prince Soonyoung?” 

“I told him to go to the Nomads’ Lands.” 

Jun chokes on his water. 

You continue on with the story, unbothered. 

“Although the King was the one to send him away, I think he was also the saddest to watch Soonyoung go. I know it must be hard to believe, but the King wasn’t always as crazy as he is now. He’s always been impulsive, yes, but he used to be strong, charming, kingly. And he was devastated by his son’s absence in their home. Ultimately, I think that’s what drove him over the edge. That’s what made him so desperate to stop feeling so alone. So desperate he injected Lord Mark with one of his experiments, and he made me watch. But I knew as well as the King that the experiment had gone wrong. Yet he insisted on it working. He was so desperate he convinced himself that if we just waited everything would work out. Lord Mark was locked in the palace prisons that night, and no one but the King and I knew.

“I told you,” you look at Jun, “that I had my reasons. I didn’t want to kill him. I take no pleasure in murder. But the experiment had gone wrong, and Lord Mark was in pain. If you had heard the way he cried and screamed and the way it echoed throughout the prison walls and the way—” 

You break. No, you don’t just break. You shatter. It’s been so long since you’ve made yourself feel the shame of your crimes. But now looking straight into the eyes of the sins you’ve committed. You crack and break and shatter into a million pieces. Each of your infinite shards tainted with a cruel shade of guilt. 

Jun reaches over and covers your hand that rests atop of the table with his own. And although he’s only touching one small part of you, you feel his warmth in every part of your soul.

And when he says, “You took him out of his misery. If I were half as brave as you, I’d do the same,” you feel as if he’s lending you his strength. 

He squeezes your hands once, then pulls away. You feel suddenly, foolishly cold. 

“So that’s why Soonyoung was sent away,” you finish, looking up at Wonwoo and Jun. “And that’s why I was sent away too.” You feel tired and drained. Like you’ve fought off an entire army of men. Like you’ve been swimming against the current of the Zalazar River for years. You wonder helplessly and hopelessly why it’s so exhausting to remember yet so easy to forget. 

It’s Wonwoo who speaks again at last. “Thank you Lady Gift for entrusting us with such sensitive information. I think you know as well as I do that it’s time you tell Prince Seokmin and Prince Seungkwan the truth too.” 

“Yes,” you mutter, already dreading the lengthy Risal you would have to write before bed, “I do.” 

“I’m still curious about one thing,” Jun says with a hand under his chin, “why did you send Soonyoung to the Nomads?”

Suddenly, you’re reminded of your last conversation with Hansol, and how he held your face and begged you to remember and how your head hurt too much to see straight by the end of the night. Yet when Jun asks the same question, his voice bouncing off the walls of your mind, an answer appears as clear as day and as white as snow. When Jun asks, you know. 

“The Nomads weren’t always as they are now. They weren’t as hostile or private. That night, I remembered that the Nomads were known to be bridges between Humans and the Elders. I sent him to the Nomads’ Lands in the hopes that they’d share with him the knowledge of the Elders.” 

Jun only nods. And you’re glad for the silence that emerges, because you need a moment to process what you’ve just said yourself. The Elders were known to be channels for the Gods to spout their wisdom and hear the prayers of the people. All historic scrolls and religious teachings were based on the knowledge of the Elders. Another purpose of the Seven Sins and Seven Gifts was to be a bridge between the Elders and the Humans similar to the way the Nomads were a bridge. Perhaps that’s another reason why this kingdom feels so lost. You never learned how to communicate with the Elders. Thanks to Jeonghan and his act of arson, the kingdom has none of the previous teachings from the Elders, and thanks to you, the kingdom has no new ones. 

But still, knowing that doesn’t calm the questions that arise in your mind. What knowledge from the Elders could the Nomads possibly have that would make you send Soonyoung to them? 

The dinner ends abruptly when Wonwoo stands up exclaiming how he’s tired from all that he’s just learned and bids you goodnight. You and Jun do the same soon after. 

You write to Seokmin that night. And in your Risal, you tell him everything. You tell him about Soonyoung, the experiments, Lord Mark, his father, your memories, the Nomads, and more. In the last line you ask Seokmin to extend this information to Seungkwan as well. You seal the letter and climb into bed with aching fingers. 

The response from Seokmin comes a few days later. 

Dear Fortitude, I didn’t know about Lord Mark. Thank you for doing what you did. Not even he deserved to be kept alive in pain and hurting. But everything else, Seungkwan and I, we already knew. Soonyoung told us everything the night before he left. But thank you nonetheless. -Seokmin 

That sounds right to you. Those three boys, those brothers, they were like that. At each other’s throats one day and hugging each other the next. Chasing Seungkwan around the palace grounds. Playing pranks on Soonyoung. And setting silly traps for Seokmin. Tackling each other to the ground and then spilling all their secrets. They’re each other's best friend as much as they’re brothers. It was only natural Soonyoung told them the truth. And you’re glad he did. 

You sleep wonderfully that night

—LORD JUN—

Jun hopes you never learn how to braid your own hair.  Your hair was so soft and it smelled nice too. Jun took some sort of pleasure in being the one to braid your hair back every time the wind was too strong and you forgot a hair tie which happened more often than not. 

“It must be hard,” you say as Jun sections your hair into three parts, “for Wonwoo to spend so much time away from his family.” 

His hand lingers by the nape of your neck. 

“Yes, it must.” 

The next day Jun tells Wonwoo to go back home. 

“You can’t get rid of me that easily.” Wonwoo laughs, although the laugh sounds hesitant and it sounds lonely. 

“Go home, Wonwoo.” Jun insists. “Paid leave.” 

Wonwoo packs up his things that very night. 

***

You have been quiet for some time now. Not just quiet in sound, but also quiet in the way you walk and eat. You silently send Risals back and forth with Seokmin, and then quietly accept the lack of response from Soonyoung. You quietly begin taking more walks and then silently start taking them alone. You have been quiet since Wonwoo left, but looking back, it appears that this quiet has been looming in the air for some time now. It’s been teetering up behind Jun, taunting him back and forth since the night you told him and Wonwoo everything. Jun isn’t so sure what to make of it. But he does know that he misses you even though you spend every second under the same roof. 

He hates the quiet. 

“Lord Jun! Come quick!” Mina screams from somewhere in the estate. Jun bolts out of his room and finds her running towards him in the halls. “It’s Lady Gift,” she says breathless, eyes wide with worry and fear, “I think she plans to jump.” 

Jun runs. 

He runs past Mina, out of the estate, onto the grassy path, towards the beach, and then westward. He runs and runs and runs. 

And there you are. Standing on top of Angel’s Peak, ready to jump. Silently. Jun’s heart stops. 

“Don’t try to stop me!” You yell at Jun and Mina watching you frozen in the sand. “I’ll jump, and I’ll survive.” 

“Lady Gift!” Mina yells back. “You’ll die. Come down. It’s not—“ 

Jun puts a hand on Mina’s shoulder. Asking, pleading her to stop. 

“Lady Gift,” he doesn’t yell or scream, and yet he speaks loud enough for you to hear over the wind and waves. Jun surprises himself with how calm his voice sounds. “Do you know how to swim?” 

You falter, grasping your sleeves as if they hold the answer.

“I might.” You finally respond. 

Jun sighs. “I won’t try to stop you.” You look surprised. “But just wait a moment before you jump.” 

He starts pulling off his shoes, and then also his shirt. He can feel Mina stiffen beside him. 

“Lord Jun, what are you doing?” Mina asks frantically. 

“I just wanna make sure the water’s safe,” he says before diving into the ocean. 

The water is cold. But he pushes himself through the water, swimming to the base of Angel’s Peak and feeling the strength of the sea with each movement of his arms. The waves are loud and crashing, but they aren’t strong. 

“Jun!” He hears you scream from the cliff above. It sounds like you’re asking him to stop. He does not. 

He reaches the base of the cliff, his body now acclimated to the cold temperature of the water. He dives under the water and looks for something, anything that could hit you in your fall. The water is empty and clear. 

“The water is safe.” He calls back up swimming to a safer spot, away from where you will fall. “Run and jump, or you won’t make it past the ledge.” 

You nod looking up past the horizon, eyes closed. 

“And remember,” you open one eye to look down on him, “feet first.” 

You smirk. Then disappear from Jun’s view. You run up to the edge. And jump. 

Except that you don’t just jump. You fling your body off the cliff. You fling your entire lifespan into the sky. And you fall. 

Jun swears that time stops when you do. As if you aren’t falling but descending. As if the air is holding you up by the arms. You drop from the sky as if you’ve been preparing to do so your entire life. As if every second, minute, day, and year has amounted to this jump, this dive. And you fall and fall and fall. For longer than is humanly possible. Feet first, like Jun had said. But you don’t crash into the water. No, the waves rise up to meet you. As if the sea has been waiting for you since forever. You disappear into the ocean. Jun watches. Amazed. 

It’s when Mina screams his name that he’s pulled out of his trance. It’s then he realizes that you have yet to re-emerge from under the water. 

He panics. Fear coursing, shooting through him. He sucks in a breath. 

And dives. 

He lets the current take him to you. And there you are. Submerged in the water between the tides. Your eyes closed. Alive but unconscious. Alive but not fighting. He had asked you once what it took to kill you, and you had answered: giving up. And Jun thinks that this must be it. Your body floating, sinking, falling in the water. This must be what it meant to give up. 

But Jun isn’t going to let you give up so easily. He grabs you in his arms and throws back the water until you’re both above the surface. He fights and swims like he’s never done before. He rips through the current with a frightening amount of adrenaline. Mina pulls you both out of the water. And Jun bangs at your chest and blows life into your lungs until you are choking and breathing and alive. Jun falls into the sand beside you. 

“I’ll go get towels, and clean clothes.” Mina says scurrying away in the sand. 

Jun and you lay side by side, wet hair and clothes sticking to your bodies. Exhausted. 

“It looked like you were dying,” Jun mumbles the moment he can spare enough breath to do so, “there, under the water.” He turns his head. “Were you trying to?” 

“I don’t want to die, Jun.” Your voice comes out as breathless as his.

“Did you want to feel like you’re dying?” 

You shake your head. 

“Then what?” 

“I wanted to feel mortal.” 

He looks away from you, and they watch the clouds in a shattering silence.

“I want to do it again.” 

Jun laughs, amused by your desire to fling yourself off cliffs. “Oh I beg you, at least learn how to swim first.” 

You look at him then. Forehead creased and utterly confused. 

—THE GIFT OF FORTITUDE—

And later that night in the darkness of your bedroom and comfort of your covers. You think and overthink and think again how Jun didn’t try to stop you. How he let you jump and made sure the water was safe. How he carried you back to shore. And how unbelievably good it felt to be in his arms. 

—LORD JUN—

The quiet is gone. It’s like you jumped off Angel’s Peak and dropped the silence in the water. Jun is glad because, above all things, the quiet made him worry. 

You only wait a day before you’re asking Jun to teach you how to swim. And when you do, excitement gushing from your voice, it’s obvious he doesn’t have much of a choice. Not that it matters, Jun would have agreed to teach you regardless, his choice or not. 

Jun’s father taught him how to swim. He taught him how to paddle and tread the water. He taught him about the currents, the waves, the seaweed, and the fish. 

Jun extends everything he knows to you. 

You struggle at first. Even with the little things, like not losing your balance against the waves and floating in the water. But you’re stubborn. You struggle and fight with the sea until it’s bowing at your feet. By the end of the first week, you glide through the water and body surf the waves as if you’ve been doing it for years. And two days after that, you swim even better than Jun. You race him to the rocks and back. You win everytime. Though Jun takes pride in the way he doesn’t end far behind. Jun also takes pride in how he was the one to teach you, and how good you’ve become in such little time. 

You smile at him, ducking your head under the water, and Jun feels an unreal sort of elation. It’s then that he takes his pride and shoves it into the ocean. 

*** 

“I lied,” you confess the night you both can’t sleep and meet for the second time at the rocks. Jun immediately assumes the worst, his mind racing with possibilities. “A while ago, Wonwoo asked me if I would fight him. I told him I don’t like to fight anymore. But it was a lie. I do.” 

He exhales, so relieved it comes out as a laugh. “Next time don’t make it sound so grave.” 

You shove his propped knee, and he topples over dramatically. You snicker at the display. 

When you continue, your voice is tainted with an odd shade of guilt. “And I don’t just like fighting. I enjoy it too.” 

Jun smiles a bit. “How so?” 

You hesitate, looking at Jun like he holds the answer in his palms, but frown when you notice his smile. “Why are you smiling?” 

He shrugs. “It’s nice to hear you talking again.” 

“Oh.” You look down at your feet. Jun feels suddenly warm. 

He shakes the feeling. “You say you like fighting as if it’s a bad thing.” 

“Is it?” 

Jun expects it to be rhetorical, but you meet his eyes sincerely. Jun realizes, in what feels like a moment too late, that you genuinely don't know. “It doesn’t have to be.” 

“I suppose.” You tap your foot against the rock. The beat feels familiar to Jun. 

“So then,” he says when the tapping comes to stop, “why don’t you fight?” 

You bring your knees impossibly closer to your chest. “After Jeonghan died, I felt so lost. He was the last person to know me for me. And so, after a fire was lit in his memorial, I left the Golden Palace and I…” 

You stop there as if the story has come to a sudden end. 

This time the tapping comes from Jun’s foot. “Is it the fog again?” 

“No.” You tell him confidently. “I can’t remember well. But it’s not because of some fog. It’s like my memories of those years have been blacked out. Erased from my mind. By choice.” Jun watches the way you unsurely picks at your nails and the way your hair billows in the wind. “All I know is that after Jeonghan died, I was so angry. At the world. At myself. I went on a rampage. I was in this state of so much pain and hurt and loss that nothing mattered anymore. I didn’t care who I hurt along the way, and only the Gods know how many I must’ve hurt.”

Jun listens. He lets your words travel and touch every part of his body and soul until he feels the pain and anger himself. Until he wants to sob at the tear that rolls down the side of your face. 

“I remember the fire that was lit for Jeonghan, and then I remember running from the Golden Palace. After that, it's all black and blur. But then one day I woke up and the anger was gone. Like it had dissolved overnight. The next week I met the princes’ mother.”

You pause, and in the silence Jun yearns to take the years you spent in suffering and carry them in his arms. He wants to hide the years you spent angry and alone in the pockets of his largest coat. 

“I’m scared, Jun.” You whisper, voice wavering in the salty wind. “I’m scared that if I let myself fight again, I won’t come back from it. How can I carry the name Fortitude when I don’t even have enough courage to face myself?”

The words hit him like a punch to gut. He recoils under the weight. A gust of wind blows then, pushing and pulling the hairs that have escaped from your braid. He wants to reach his hand out and tuck the hair away. He only realizes a second after that he hasn’t swallowed down the impulse fast enough. He’s surprised to see you soften the teeniest bit when his fingers graze your forehead. He feels suddenly, impossibly weightless.

“You aren’t the person you were then.” He says. “You’ve learned. You’ve grown. But the biggest difference is that now you aren’t alone.” You let out a breath as if you’ve been holding it for years. For all Jun knows, that might be the truth. He continues. “The day you jumped off Angel’s Peak, you fell into the water and you sank. For the smallest of seconds, I lost you between the waves. But I found you and pulled you to shore.” He pauses, reminded of the terror he felt for the second that you were gone. “What I mean is that if you lose yourself in the waves of a fight, you have people to pull you out from the riptide. You have me, Wonwoo, Hansol, Soonyoung, Seokmin, Seungkwan; hell even Mina would pull you out if she had the chance.” You manage a small, sad laugh, and the sound of it alone fills Jun with an indescribable warmth. “You're not alone anymore. Even if you do get lost, you’ll find a way back, with or without our help. If you want to fight, fight. You have nothing to be scared of. Not anymore.”

You lay back suddenly, arms extended above your head and eyes closed. You smile. Like you’re free. As if you’ve been granted freedom from the ropes tied by your own doing. You yawn. 

“Oh how happy Wonwoo will be to hear all this.” 

Jun chuckles. “He’ll be jumping at the chance to spar with you.” 

You stand up and say, “thank you for listening,” before walking away. 

“And Jun,” you stop, your back still facing him, “it feels nice to talk with you again too.” 

Jun is the Zalazar River in the fall. Bright red and burning. 

***

Jun floats on his back in the waveless water watching you above him who’s grown to love cliff jumping from Angel’s Peak.

You jump like you did before except that this time you don’t fling your life into the water. You jump and fall from the sky. Then you sink and sink and sink. And emerge from the water, alive. 

“Are there any other cliffs?” You ask as you swim around each other. 

“What, are you bored of Angel’s Peak already?” 

“Perhaps.” 

Jun laughs, and you splash him with water. He dives and chases you back to shore. 

—THE GIFT OF FORTITUDE—

“Aren’t you close to Captain Hansol?” Jun wonders aloud when a Risal swoops down from the sky the day you and Jun are sitting in the courtyard. 

“He’s like a brother to me.” You say while you send the bird away, keeping the letter sealed and in your lap. 

“Then, why haven’t you been exchanging Risals with him as well?” 

You scoff. “I wish I could, but he’s scared of the bird.” Jun giggles, and it spreads like wildfire in the breeze.

“You must miss him.” He mutters, and you hum a yes, opening the letter wordlessly. 

The letter you receive however is not the one you expect. And it certainly isn’t the letter you want. 

You read and then reread the letter from Seungkwan. It was an apology of sorts, though the words seem scattered and unsure. You huff, dropping the letter in your lap. Jun notices but doesn’t say anything, focusing instead on that cat that’s climbed in his lap.

You think about Seungkwan, the boy who you’ve known his entire life, and how well he grew up. Seungkwan never let his brothers get the best of him despite being the youngest. Wherever they beat him in strength and size, he countered with wit and skill. It proved useful for Seungkwan; he was quick to take interest in matters of battle strategy and war efficiency. Seungkwan climbed the administrative ranks of the Knights of the Holy Order faster than anyone you had seen before, and in a blink of an eye, he became the youngest ever Commander of the Knights. You had felt swollen with pride for the youngest Prince. 

And maybe that’s why it hurt so much when he confessed to you in the winter. And yet here Seungkwan is, apologizing for pushing his love on you and for asking your hand in marriage. Here he is taking back his wrongdoings in writing. You sigh helplessly.  

“Is something wrong?” Jun asks from across the table not taking his eyes off the cat still curled up in his lap. You slide the letter over to him. He reads it slowly. Then laughs. “I was not aware you carried Prince Seungkwan’s heart in your bags.” 

You narrow your eyes. “I. Do. Not.” You snatch the letter back. 

“I take it you don’t harbor similar feelings for Prince Seungkwan then?” The question sounds hopeful. 

“No, not at all.” You deny. “Seungkwan is like a child to me.” 

“He’s only a few years younger than myself.” Jun says looking up, his eyes strangely dark. “Do you see me as a child too?” 

You flick the letter. “I’ve known Seungkwan since he was born. I watched him grow. He feels like family to me. But I met you at this age, so it doesn’t feel like you’re much younger than I am. It’s odd how age seems to work in my head. I know I’m older than you and Wonwoo by ages, and yet I see you both as equals.” You take a sip of your drink. “Plus, Seungkwan still acts like a child.” Jun smiles at that. 

“Oddly enough,” Jun mumbles, bringing the full glass to his lips, “that makes sense.” 

You think back to the letter, and sense fondness in Seungkwan’s apology. Something in your mind clicks. 

“I was so mad at him,” You say to the air around you, “at Seungkwan. For months. I wanted him to tell me he never felt that way, that he fooled himself into something deeper than a platonic love. But I realize now that he can’t take it back even if he wanted to. Seungkwan can’t help how he feels.” You look up and find Jun watching you. “He’s apologized for what he can. But he can’t apologize for falling in love.”

Jun smiles sweetly. The kind of smile that makes your heart numb. “Oh Fortitude, I could’ve told you that months ago.” 

“I fear,” you begin, leaning forward in your seat, “that in rejecting Seungkwan, I’ll lose him as well.”

Jun points to the letter. “He’s apologized. He doesn’t want to lose you either.” 

You repeat it in your mind. 

He doesn’t want to lose you either. 

It makes you feel suddenly, inexplicably upset and confused. Why is it so easy to love yet so hard to accept? How can love be so strong but still fleeting like everything else? You know Seungkwan’s feelings for you will pass, and yet knowing it doesn’t make you feel much better. Love waxes and wanes like the phases of the moon, but does it ever fade? You think of how Seungkwan feels towards you. How you have felt towards others in the past. And today sitting in the courtyard, the picture your shoved down feelings create finally starts to make sense. You find the image to be startling but unsurprising all the same. Finally, you understand the pain of poets, the pain Seungkwan must feel, and the pain you once felt yourself. 

Love is a burden. A burden you’re only now learning how to accept. 

You want to welcome the warm weight with open arms. 

***

That night she sends a Risal to the Golden Palace addressed for Prince Seungkwan.

—LORD JUN—

Jun sorts through his papers and files through responsibilities mindlessly on the day a letter for him comes. He pushes it to the side of his mind when you come into his office sputtering something about the latest news from the Golden Palace and how things have been so much better between you and Prince Seungkwan. 

He waits a moment once you’ve finished. “Do you remember me telling you about my sister, Jennie?” You nod at his question, falling into the armchair near him. “Well, I just got this from her.” Jun holds up the letter. “It’s her son’s birthday, and they’ve invited me to celebrate.” 

“Oh how sweet!” You gush, although your voice sounds a bit higher than normal. You pull at your sleeves. “How long will you be gone?” 

“Actually,” Jun hesitates, his next question teetering on the tip of his tongue, “I was wondering if you’d like to come as well?” 

***

The boat ride to the island Jennie lives on is pleasant. Jun humors you with stories of his childhood and of Jennie, and you listen to Jun talk as if your life depends on it. When they dock, Jun drags you to a bakery to buy candy and sweets for Jennie’s children and then some more for yourselves. 

By late afternoon they reach Jennie and her husband Seungcheol’s house. Jun always liked their house. It wasn’t glamorous, but it was comfortable and somehow perfect. They lived right on the beach. The back door leading to a sandy shore and sparkling blue waters. 

“Hold on,” Jun says abruptly, taking your hand in his, “before we go in, I want to show you something.” 

He leads you around the house and beyond the white fence that separates the streets from the beach. You take off your shoes before proceeding in the sand. It takes one more turn and another second of walking on your already aching feet before it’s visible. 

The sea. 

The water that surrounds the island is bluer and clearer than the waters back home. The waves shine in the last bit of the light from the setting sun. Jun feels at home despite being hours away from it. 

He looks over at you. And you smile so brightly the sun seems to dim in that moment. The awe in your eyes and lightness in your sigh reminds Jun of the first time he took you to see the sea. He’s reminded of how his chest wanted to burst at the sight of your smile. He finds himself in a similar predicament today, except that now the bursting chest was something he had grown quite used to. It was something he had grown to adore. Jun loved the sea. But looking at you and the wonder in each one of your bones, he thinks you might love it more. 

“Uncle Jun!” A voice yells from behind them. Jun whips around only to be tackled by the weight of a 7 year old clinging onto his body and legs. A second later he’s tackled by another child. He pulls them both into his arms and smothers them with as much love as he can fit into a hug. 

You kneel down in the sand, and introduce yourself to the children. “You must be Elia.” You say to the older girl who’s detached herself from Jun. Elia nods enthusiastically. “And you,” you point to the younger boy, shyly hiding behind Jun’s legs, “must be the birthday boy.” 

“That’s my brother Herschel, and he’s turning five years old tomorrow.” Elia jumps in before Herschel can answer. Jun plops down himself and the children follow. The four of you sitting in a circle in the warm sand. 

“Or so I’ve heard.” you say, pulling the box of sweets from a bag. “Well, to celebrate your Uncle Jun and I brought you some sweets—“

The children pounce on the box before you can finish. Jun clutches his stomach in laughter. 

“Jun!” Jennie yells from the back deck of her home. Although the yell sounds more like she’s about to nag him instead of welcoming her only brother to her home. “Those sweets will rot their teeth!” 

“You’re torturing them Jennie!” He yells back, getting up from the sand to greet his sister. “Children need sweets.” 

Jennie scrunches her nose. “You spoil them too much.” She says before pulling Jun into a hug.

Jun leads Jennie to where you and the children sit in the sand, and asks about the whereabouts of his youngest niece, Devi, who is still less than a year old. Jennie resposds that she’s napping and that Seungcheol’s watching her. 

You stand up to greet Jennie. 

“Lady Gift, it’s such an honor that you’ve come to visit. We’re humbled to have you stay in our home.” 

“Oh please, no. I’m the one who’s humbled that you’ve opened up your home to me. And please call me Fortitude. I despise formalities.” 

“Well, in that case,” Jennie coos, looping her arm with yours, “please come inside. Jun’s told me so much about you. I think we’ll get along wonderfully this weekend.” 

***

Jennie, like always, is right. You and her get along wonderfully. After the kids are put to bed, you and Jennie begin talking in the sitting area, and in the span of your conversation, Jun and Seungcheol are able to finish not one but two card games at the kitchen table. Seungcheol puts up the cards while Jun watches you and Jennie converse. He finds it almost surprising that the two of you still have something to talk about considering how different you both are. But the surprise is a pleasant one, for Jun takes much pleasure in watching two people he cares for so deeply talk and laugh together comfortably. 

“Jun, you must stay here longer.” Seungcheol insists. “If not for the whole weekend, then at least for the day after Herschel’s party.” 

Jun hesitates. “I don’t know. Wonwoo is already coming back the day before we’re supposed to, and I’d hate to make him wait for us longer than he already will be.” 

“Oh please,” Jennie dismisses, you and her approaching the table, “Wonwoo sees you everyday; he’ll be fine. I barely see you anymore, especially after Devi was born. The least you could do is give me the pleasure of celebrating your birthday with you.” 

“Your birthday?” You mutter from your side of the table. You meet Jun’s eyes. “Forgive me Jun. I had no idea.” Jun dismisses the apology.                     

Seungcheol and Jennie share a look. The kind of look that only couples who know each other in and out could share. The kind of look that holds entire conversations in one glance. They share another look after that too. Jennie scoffs, turning dramatically to you. 

“Would you mind humouring Seungcheol with an arm wrestle? He wants to see how well he can hold up against a Gift of the Spirit.”

Jun’s reminded of how a similar conversation between Wonwoo and you went. Jun inhales sharply, watching your reaction carefully. You surprise him by laughing. 

“I’m no joke.” Seungcheol defends in response to your laughter. “There’s yet a person on this island to beat me.” 

You lean towards him. “Ah, but no person on this island is me.” You ready your arm up. Seungcheol takes it eagerly. 

Jun likes this. How you tease Seungcheol. How you’re not afraid of your powers anymore. How you beam with confidence. 

“You do know who I am right?” You say, before the back of hand slams down on the table. Seungcheol yelps in shock, and Jennie hides snickers behind her hand while you laugh loudly and freely. You turn towards Jun, and the two of you share a look of your own. 

And through the silent conversation, Jun knows. Wonwoo would have to wait a bit longer for your return. 

—THE GIFT OF FORTITUDE—

The next morning you send a Risal to Wonwoo telling him that you and Jun would be staying for the entire weekend. He responds with a simple tell Herschel and Jun I said happy birthday. You do. 

Later that day, Jennie requests you and Jun to take the children outside while she prepares the house for the part that night. 

You pick up Devi and rock the child in your arms, following Jun and the other two children out of the house, onto the back deck, and then to the beach. You carefully take a seat in the sand. 

You learned back when the Princes were young that you had an inexplicable knack with babies. So when Devi softens and presses herself against your body, it appears the knack has not yet been lost. You turn into mush when Devi stops crying, reaching for you. You give her a finger to hold onto and Devi takes it at once. 

You look away from the adorable baby cradled between your arms, and your eyes land on Jun. Jun plays with Elia and Herschel, really plays with them. Running and rolling around in the sand. Splashing them with water and pouting when the two siblings get mad at each other. You wonder for a moment what it would be like if this was your family. Married, with children, and living far away on this island. You wonder for a moment how it would feel to be normal and to be mortal. And the thought strikes you with an odd sort of sadness. One that grabs at your heart and shakes it until the blood is gone. One that makes your ribs disappear and your body feel hollow and numb. 

But then Jun lifts Herschel onto his shoulders, and your sadness vanishes the second he does. He smiles at you. Giggles. Calls you twice with something you can’t quite place lingering on his tongue. 

Your chest starts to hum. He smiles at you again, and the humming grows and shifts into a song. A song that’s breathtakingly beautiful. One with chords so delightfully articulated that you don’t want to go a day without hearing them. You want your chest to hum and sing this song for the rest of your life.

Suddenly, Devi squeezes the fingers she’s been holding onto, and in that moment, while watching Jun play with his sister’s children and while carrying Jun’s niece in your own two arms, you feel impossibly, shatteringly happy. 

—LORD JUN— The birthday party had been a smash, with children appearing from every crevice of the house and cake smothered on Herschel’s face. Jennie and Seungcheol seemed happy with it. You seemed happy with it. The children seemed happy with it. And their happiness made Jun happy as well. 

Tonight is another sleepless night for Jun, but since he isn’t home with a familiar rock to sit on, he heads to a balcony in Jennie’s home that overlooks the coast. He brings an extra coat; the balcony would be cold. Still, he shivers in the howling wind, letting the crashing waves ease his mind slowly and methodically. You join him at some point, and Jun smiles when he hears the balcony door open. He doesn’t have to turn around to know it’s you. His smile turns into a frown when he notices you dressed plainly, no scarf and no coat. 

“Are you immune to coldness then?”

You shiver, wrapping your arms around your torso. “Unfortunately, no.” 

“Here.” Jun hands you the extra coat. 

You take it and stare at the cloth before wrapping it around your shoulders. “Do you always bring extra coats?” 

“No.” He leans against the wall. “But if you insist on not dressing properly, I suppose I’ll have to start.” 

You look down, smiling. You walk to the edge of the balcony and rest your elbows on the railing. The two of you are quiet together for some time. 

“I wish you told me earlier that your birthday is approaching, Jun.” You say. “I could’ve prepared something for you.” 

He bites the inside of his cheek. “It hadn’t seemed important enough to bring up before.”

“Why wouldn’t it be important?”

“It’s just one day.” 

“It should still be celebrated.” You insist, sounding suddenly mad. As if Jun not telling you was an insult. Jun positions himself closer. 

“Is something wrong?” He asks as softly as possible. 

And at his words, your head drops, like you couldn’t bear to hold it up any longer. You cry silently, face hidden from Jun by your own body, stammering over your own sniffles. He takes your hand in his and holds it to his heart. “Please,” he begs because the sight of you in so much silent pain hurts him more than he can admit, “tell me what’s happened.”

And so you do. You tell him how you’ve become rotten with jealousy for Jennie and her perfect family. And how you want nothing more than to be normal. You tell Jun how much you wish you could take back being the Gift of Fortitude. And with each word that leaves from your lips, Jun comes to realize that what you tell him  now isn’t like anything you’ve told him before. What keeps you up tonight isn’t a forgotten memory or worry for someone else. No, tonight, you allow sleep to stay out of reach and let tears fall down the side of your cheek because of a wound that’s still fresh and bleeding and new. Tonight, your pain is not one Jun can take away. No matter how badly he wants to. 

He stares at you, frozen. And Jun thinks, not for the first time, about all the people you’ve lost. Chan, Jeonghan, your parents, the princes’ mother. He thinks about all the years behind your eyes, and all the scars in your mind. He thinks about how you’ve given everything you have to give, and how you gave it all from the heart. You sacrificed your entire life for this kingdom. And this sadness, this never-ending pain, you did not deserve. He stares at you, the Gift of Fortitude, and thinks about all that you’ve endured. 

Finally, he speaks. “A while ago, you told me that Fortitude meant courage, and that the name alone was such a burden. But later, with Wonwoo, I looked up the meaning of Fortitude. It means more than just courage. It means to be brave and stand tall in the midst of pain. It means to endure. And oh, only the Gods know how much in this life you’ve endured.” 

Your voice breaks, and at last, your cries are no longer silent. He holds you close, and you shake, sobbing, under the arms he has around you. When he pulls away, he finds that he’s no longer looking at you, but instead the face of a God. Or rather, his God. And Jun isn’t sure what to do or how to act because suddenly he sees his God in you. He says your name like a prayer. Like a religious verse spilling from his lips. 

And because he can’t think of anything more to say, he squeezes your hand, brings it to his lips, and presses a kiss to each one of your knuckles.

—THE GIFT OF FORTITUDE—

You are a ball of flames. Hot and burning in hues of orange, red, and blue. The song in your chest from earlier erupts into a symphony. But it’s a sad and dramatic orchestra so you continue to weep and cry until the flames have been reduced to scorch marks on your knuckles. Jun’s coat suddenly feels heavy on your shoulders. 

—LORD JUN—

Jun did it on instinct. He kissed your hand because in the moment it felt like the most natural thing to do. 

He doesn’t regret it.

He kisses it again. He lets his lips linger. And when Jun lowers your hand back to his heart, he wonders if you can feel how wildly it beats and bangs from inside him. 

—THE GIFT OF FORTITUDE—

You feel it. You feel the wildness of your own heart as well.

—LORD JUN—

You stand like that for so long. You crying. Jun looking into the eyes of God. Your hand against Jun’s restless heart. 

You stand like that until you rip your hand away. He lets it fall from his grip. “Leave me be Jun.” You say, tears still fleeing down your face.

He takes a step back from. “You’ve endured enough. Please, don’t make yourself endure this unhappiness too.”   

With that, he bids you goodnight, leaving you alone on the balcony with nothing but yourself, the sea, and Jun’s coat. 

—THE GIFT OF FORTITUDE—

That night is long and slow, but the sun welcomes you with a new day of warmth. A new day that also happens to be Jun’s birthday. You do your best to ignore the sadness inside of you. A sadness caused by more than just your want for normalcy. You look down at the hand Jun held in his the night before. You look at your scorched knuckles. You don’t want to look into it any further. 

It storms the entire day, so you spend Jun’s birthday inside playing cards, playing chess, and playing with the children. Jennie announces she’ll be preparing a feast for dinner. Jun thanks her then smiles, and to you, it looks sad.

***

There’s a knock on the door while you’re preparing yourself for dinner. You open it to Jennie who looks you up and down, shakes her head, and mutters a small ‘that won’t do’ before disappearing down the hall. She returns moments later with a collection of her own dresses and lays them out on your bed. 

“How about this?” Jennie offers holding up a red dress. 

You look down at the blue dress you already put on. “What’s wrong with this one?” 

“Nothing, I just thought you might want to dress up tonight.” 

“And why would I want to do that?” 

“For Jun.” Jennie says it blandly. 

You feel like the wind’s been knocked out of you. “For Jun?” You echo. 

“Nevermind then,” Jennie sighs, as if she’s talking to a child who won’t cooperate. She puts the dress down, and comes over, taking your hands in hers. What is it with these siblings and holding your hands? And why does it hurt so much when they do? “I was only giving you options. This dress is lovely too. I’m sure Jun will be delighted no matter which dress you come to dinner in.” Jennie leaves, and you ponder why in the world it would matter to Jun which dress you came down in? Then you wonder why Jun should take any delight in your appearance? The questions bring back a familiar sadness. 

The bodice of the dress Jennie brought is fitting, and the skirt was made to flow beautifully. It’s a newer style, one of the many fashion trends that went over your head. But it is indeed a pretty dress, so you change into it anyways. 

Jennie was right. Jun looks delighted when you do eventually come down. Even you can’t look past the way his eyes seem to sparkle. “You look stunning.” He tells you as you make your way over to the dining room. “How come you’ve never worn this dress before?” 

“It isn’t mine.” You confess. “Jennie lent it to me for the night.” 

“Ah,” Jun exhales, “that makes much more sense. I wouldn’t have thought this dress to fit your style.” Jun takes his seat, and you ponder yet again how Jun has come acquainted with what is your style and what isn’t? 

The dinner is a feast like Jennie had said, but still, you can’t bring yourself to enjoy it. Your mind feels heavy and restless. You desperately want to rid your brain of the thoughts that plague it, and so your eyes land mindlessly on Jun. You watch the way he cares for his nieces and nephews and the way he listens when they talk. You watch him eat and the way he smiles and throws his head back in laughter. You watch and notice all these little things about Jun and find that you care for each one of them. You care for them deeply. It makes your heart feel as heavy as your head. You stand up abruptly and excuse yourself from dinner early, unable to continue silently suffering the pain of your heavy heart and heavy head. You don’t hear Jun follow you out. 

It’s when you’re halfway up the stairs that he catches up. 

“Please, Jun. Go back.” You continue, not looking back. 

“No. Tell me what’s happened.” 

You turn a corner, your room now near. “Don’t let me ruin your birthday. Go back to the dinner your sister prepared for you.” 

You push your door open, and Jun follows you inside. “Please, just tell me if you’re alright.” Jun asks you so softly, so sweetly, it makes you feel impossibly frustrated. You wish Jun wasn’t so gentle with you. It made it impossible to ignore the way your heart warms whenever he is near. 

“Why do you care?” You ask hashly, gathering fistfulls of Jennie’s red dress in your hands. 

“I’ve always cared.” He sounds hurt, like the words have cut him.

“No Jun, why? Why do you care?” If your words before cut him, this was you digging your fingers into the wound. 

“I care…” he falters, searching for something in your face. You wish he didn’t look at you the way he does. “I care because I worry for you.” 

“Well,” you huff, “why do you worry then?” Your words come out as more of an accusation than a question, although you yourself aren’t sure what it’s an accusation of. 

Jun searches your face again, and his eyes, his beautiful eyes, burn over every spot they touch. He must find what he’s looking for because in an instant his face, no, his entire body softens and he crumples into the chair behind him. Head bowed before you. 

“I’m sorry,” he utters, “I’m sorry. I can’t hide this any longer. I can’t help it. I—“

You cut him off, crying. “Oh, please Jun, don’t say it please.” You beg because you aren’t sure if you can bear to hear him say it aloud. And because you can’t ignore the desperation in Jun’s voice. 

“I won’t hide it from you. I can’t hide it, not anymore, not now that you know because I do. I love you. And I’ve loved you for so long now.” 

You aren’t sure what makes you do it. Perhaps it’s the sadness in his voice or the love on his tongue. Perhaps you go towards Jun because of your own will. But no matter the reason, you stand near where he sits and brushes the hair away from his eyes. He grabs your hand when you do and holds it against his head, bowing before it. As if he wouldn’t be able to stand it if your hand was doing anything but touching his face. As if he is offering his entire self to you. And you hate how much comfort you take in this. In having the back of your palm pressed against Jun’s head. But you do, you take comfort in this little action. In this little declaration of love. 

You fling your hand out of Jun’s grip and stumble to your bed, which you fall onto, burying your face into the soft sheets, weeping. You weep because you don’t like love. And because love will always lead to loss. And because you’re tired of losing. You weep because you don’t want to lose Jun. 

And suddenly, Jun is standing next to you. You can sense that Jun is crying too. He caresses your hair gently. 

“I don’t mean to push my love on you. I just can’t bear to hide it anymore. Because hiding it feels like a lie, and I don’t wish to lie to you.” He pauses, his hand lingering behind your ear. “Please, don’t push me away. The last thing I want is for things to change.” And you know Jun is smarter than to think this won’t change anything. Love had a way of forging its own path in life. He continues. “I can’t bear to lose you. I can’t fathom a life where I lose you. I love you but I don’t expect you to love me too. I never will. Don’t push me away. Please.” He presses a silent kiss to your hair, and it only makes you weep harder. 

“Leave me be, Jun.” You say for the second time this weekend. And it hurts to say as much as it did before, because in actuality the last thing you want is for Jun to be anywhere but by your side. But you send him away regardless because when he is near, your heart beats too fast for your mind to think of anything but him and his smile and his laugh. Jun shuts the door quietly. 

You think how unfair it is that you should take so much pleasure in the kisses he presses to your hands and hair. And pleasure in his company and in every single innocent touch. You think how unfair it is that Jun must love you. You think it’s unfair and cruel and mean and wrong. You cry for the unfairness of the world, and then you cry yourself to sleep as well. 

*** 

You spend the next day, your last day on this island, in your room. They bring you meals, but you aren’t able to eat a single one. You spend the whole day in your head. 

It’s evening when you do eventually leave your room. You go straight to Jun’s, and slip a letter under the door.

—LORD JUN—

Jun spends most of the day on the beach, throwing his worries into the reef and watching them roll away with the waves. When he returns to his room, he finds a letter from you. His heart stops. 

Dear Jun, Last night, you said that you couldn’t bear to lose me. That you couldn’t fathom a life where you lose me. But the thing is, love has always led to loss, and I will always be the one losing. Because one day, you’ll die and I won’t. I don’t have to fathom a life without you. I just have to wait for it. I’m tired of loving and losing. One day, I’ll lose you as a friend, don’t make me lose you as a lover too. -Fortitude

When he finishes reading the letter, his heart starts beating again. Except that it doesn’t beat, it breaks. He had been reckless with his words. He isn’t going to make that mistake again. He writes you a letter of his own. 

—THE GIFT OF FORTITUDE—

Dear Fortitude, Forgive me. I was careless and stupid with my words, and I can’t pretend to understand your specific pain. You told me once, long ago, that you aren’t immortal. Which means your pain is not forever either.  But even then, you are not alone in loss. We all love. We all lose. Everyone is bound for that sadness, including me and you. We know that and yet still, we wear our hearts on our sleeves and fall in love again and again, over and over. Don’t let the pain of loss keep you from the joy of love. Please.  -Jun

You find yourself thinking of the time after the death of Jeonghan. The time where you lived without love. The period of time that you’ve blocked from memory. Perhaps, Jun is right. Perhaps there is no life without love. And not just romantic love, but platonic love, familial love, and love in all its forms. The thought feels heavy in your mind. 

***

You’re walking through the halls of the house at night when you find Jun. He’s on the same balcony as two nights ago, staring at the sea. You stand in the hall and watch him. 

You recall how strong the wind was that night and how Jun had an extra coat. You remember how warm it felt to have something of his draped over your shoulders. And looking back, it seems so simple. It seems obvious that when Jun gave you his coat, it was more than just a kind gesture. It was a declaration of his love. It hits you then, how many times Jun has told you, or rather showed you his love. He showed you when he held your hand against his beating heart and when he pressed kisses to your knuckles. He said ‘I love you’ every single time he listened to you talk and all those days he spent teaching you how to swim. He showed you when he let you jump from Angel’s Peak, when he didn’t let you sink, and when he carried you back to the beach. He told you that he loved you when he gave you a burning log to throw in the fire at his father’s memorial. He told you that day he ran in the sand with you, like the child you never got to be, and he said it each time he braided your hair. And like a wave crashing over, you realize that Jun has been declaring his love in a million different ways since the day he offered the sea as yours to take. Your heart carries each one of these confessions, each one of Jun’s silent declarations, until it sinks and sinks and sinks within your own body. 

In all your years, through all your loss, you’ve grown to dislike romantic love. But looking at him now, you realize Jun’s love for you is more than just romantic. His love for you is one of respect and admiration. His love for you is one of understanding. His love for you is pure. Purer than any love you have known before. You look at Jun again, really look at Jun. You look at the way the moonlight bounces off his skin and hair, and the way he rests his elbows over the railing. You look at the way he bends one knee. You look at Jun and see more than you’ve ever seen in him before. You look at Jun and see a God. But not just any God, you see your God. And you have no idea what to do. 

It’s while staring at his figure on the balcony that you realize you love Jun too. It’s then that you realize you have been falling in love with the little things since the day he took you to see the sea. But oh, how the little things were everywhere and everything. 

And suddenly the realization is bursting through the balcony doors and into the arms of the man you love. The realization pours out from your eyes and heart. The realization spills from your lips and paints itself across the night sky. The realization is screaming, breaking itself free. In your head, you chant. I love you. I love you. I love you. Out loud, you say, “And you must know, I’ll love you for a very long time.”

And Jun’s laughing, holding you in his arms, blissfully, as if there’s nothing that could have made him happier. As if there’s no place he'd rather be than right here with you on this balcony overlooking the sea. He laughs and then leans his forehead against yours. “I love you too, and you must know that right now, I want to kiss you quite terribly.”

And because he loves you. And because you love him. And because he made you laugh after a weekend spent crying, you tilt up your chin and close the distance. For a moment, everything fits perfectly, and you, once again, feel shatteringly happy. 

—LORD JUN—

Jun imagines the feeling fluttering in his chest that morning can only be described as bliss. But to him it is more. It’s more than blissful to wake up to you sleeping in his shirt on his bed tangled in his sheets and limbs. But alas, bliss would do for now. 

He takes his bliss and presses it to your shoulder then neck then jaw then cheek. He presses a number of blissful kisses to the infinite spots on your face he’s yet to kiss until you’re awake pushing at Jun’s face.  

“I’m not ready to wake up,” you groan, turning your body flush against Jun. 

“We’ll miss the boat back if we don’t get up soon.” He reminds, tracing mindless shapes against the curve of your hips. 

You sigh and bury your face deeper into his chest. “I’ve ruined our weekend haven’t I?” 

He pulls you impossibly closer. “You haven’t ruined anything.” 

***

The boat ride from the island back to the mainland is long and slow, and the entire time, Jun is jumping in his seat, ready to return home. 

“You must miss him.” You mutter from next to him. Jun doesn’t have to ask to know you’re talking about Wonwoo. He nods, turning to you. 

“And how about you, what do you miss?” 

You look up at the sky, smiling. “I miss,” you tap on Jun’s knee, “jumping from Angel’s Peak.” Jun laughs, capturing the moment and capturing your hand in his.

When you do eventually dock, Jun leads you away from the road home and towards the beach. He surprises himself with the gesture as much as he does you. By the time you reach the sand, you’re running. And you run and run and run. Past the estate. Whipping off your coats and shoes. Discarding your worries in the sand. Running. Wild. In love. You both run until you reach the rocks. And you’re climbing Angel’s Peak while Jun’s diving, piercing his body into the water. You climb then run then jump, piercing the sea yourself moments later. And you both swim around each other ducking and diving in the water. 

Suddenly it’s a contest: who can hold their breath the longest. Jun counts the seconds.  One. Two. (You kiss him) Three. Four.  Five.  (He kisses you) Six. 

You return to the estate finally, greeting Wonwoo drenched and swollen with love.

—THE GIFT OF FORTITUDE—

It’s the day after you and Jun return from Jennie and Seungcheol’s home that you and Wonwoo fight for the first time. In all honesty, you have been itching to fight with someone again ever since your talk with Jun. And when you told Wonwoo at dinner the night before, that you would be willing to fight him, he was itching to fight with you as well. 

For the first couple days, you start simple. A few rehearsed drills and fighting moves. Jun usually watches, sitting in a corner of the courtyard with a book. And when you feel comfortable enough to do so, you advance to Wonwoo attacking with jabs and punches here and there and you blocking them while also studying his technique. You learn that Wonwoo is a good fighter, but his movements are choppy and slow as if he hasn’t fought in a while which in his defense, he hasn’t. You imagine Wonwoo would be better equipped in a sword fight rather than the hand to hand combat you were drilling now. By the end of the first week, Wonwoo gets restless, wanting to do more. You reluctantly agree. It’s fine at first, you focus mainly on deflecting his attacks and blocking his moves. When you sidestep from an attack, you see your chance and take it, punching Wonwoo in the gut. You only realize after the fact that you’ve done it too hard. Nothing fatal, but a punch hard enough that if you had hit him an inch higher, his rib would’ve broken from the impact. You refuse to fight Wonwoo for a while after that. When you do return to fighting, a whole week later back to the basic drills and blocking, you no longer allow Jun to watch. 

—LORD JUN—

The days that follow are some of the happiest for Jun. Jun and you spend whole days in each other's bedrooms and under the sheets. Wonwoo catches on to the two of you almost immediately. Perhaps he caught on before you realized anything yourselves. 

The other days you spend walking along the shore or drinking tea in the courtyard. And on the days Jun must do work in his office, Wonwoo and you play chess in the corner. You continue to send Risals: to Seokmin and Seungkwan and another unanswered one to Soonyoung. 

You and Wonwoo continue training without Jun in attendance. Once you get the hang of controlling the strength of your blows and kicks with an almost frightening amount of precision, you let Jun return to his spot in the corner. And even Jun, who knows nothing about fighting, is amazed by your skill. Skill that is far too good to be fighting with Wonwoo, who looks ready to die from exhaustion after every single one of your fights. And yet, despite the way you barely break a sweat, you look unbelievably happy after each and every fight. 

Word gets out eventually, likely thanks to Mina’s gossiping, that the Gift of Fortitude has fighting shows in the courtyard of Lord Jun’s estate. And soon enough, every afternoon a flock of young boys, guards, and locally stationed Knights arrive at the courtyard to watch you fight. You no longer mind the crowd. A few brave Knights and guards even try challenging you. You go especially easy for the sake of their bodies, but spare no care when it comes to attacking their egos. But still, even those fights make you happy. 

The happiest you look, however, is when Mina asks you to teach her something. You make Mina begin immediately. And as it turns out you’re a wonderful teacher, although when Jun mentions this, you deny it telling Jun it’s only because you taught Hansol and the Princes. Nonetheless, you teach Mina moves and tricks that would be useful to her like how to use the weight of her opponent against her and how to properly hold a knife and attack with it. It doesn’t take long for Jun’s courtyard to be filled with young boys and girls alike all learning how to defend themselves and fight from you.

And every second that you aren’t teaching and Jun isn’t working, you spend in the water, wading between the waves and floating on your backs. You jump from Angel’s Peak until you feel that you've outgrown it, beginning to search for higher cliffs in the horizon. You race each other from the docks to the rocks and hold numerous contests to see who can hold their breath for longer. You win everything every time, and Jun has never been so happy. 

—THE GIFT OF FORTITUDE—

You’re sitting in the courtyard alone playing with the stray cats, when you hear the Risal’s call signaling the return of the letter you sent to the Golden Palace and to Price Seungkwan. 

Dear Fortitude, I regret to inform you that father has been acting oddly again. Seokmin and I suspect that he might be preparing to try another ‘experiment’. Seokmin fears what’s to come if we don’t hear from Soonyoung soon. I take it you haven’t heard from him yourself. I’ve begun to worry for Soonyoung as you do. Do you think he’s okay? Father wants me to cut the pay for the Knights, but how does he expect me to keep an army loyal to this kingdom if we don’t pay them properly? Honestly, Fortitude, I worry for father too. I know he must be taken off the throne, but I worry for him beyond the crown. I worry for his health. He’s getting sicker by the days. It’s difficult to see one’s own father spiral into madness. I’m already saddened with thoughts of how all this will turn out. I’m afraid I’ve made this letter into a collection of my worries. Do you think I worry too much? I hope you’re taking care of yourself. In better news, Captain Hansol and his squadron have been stationed near Lord Jun’s estate by the Commander himself. Consider it a gift from me to you. He should be arriving in a day or two. And please, give Hansol a punch for me. -Seungkwan 

You think a visit from Hansol might be the first piece of good news you’ve received from the palace in weeks. You jump up and run back into the estate to tell Wonwoo and Jun. 

***

You’re in the kitchen with Mina eating fruit when Hansol arrives. 

“He’s here.” Jun tells you, popping his head in the kitchen.

You snap up and look at Jun as if waiting for him to admit he’s joking. He only nods. 

So you grab his hand and run. 

The first thing you do when you see Hansol is punch him, as hard as Seungkwan would. 

“Ow!” He yelps, then tilts his head, confused. “Did your punches get weaker?” 

You finally hug him, and exhale into his shoulder. “That punch was from Seungkwan.” You pull away from the embrace. “And this one,” you punch his other arm, much harder than before but not any harder than he’s already used to, “is from me.” 

He winces, clutching both arms. “You could’ve just said no.”

You smile. “But where’s the fun in that.”

Once Hansol, Jun, and Wonwoo have all been properly introduced, the other two give you and Hansol some time to catch up. You take him to the beach for a walk. 

“How long are you staying?” 

Hansol sighs. “Not long. We leave in two days.” 

You sigh as well. “That’s much too soon.” 

“Yes, but in lighter news,” Hansol says, jostling you with his shoulder, “Seungkwan told me you two made peace.” 

“We did.” You hum with a smile. 

And so you continue to walk and talk along the shore. Hansol tells you about all his travels in the time you’ve been apart. And you tell him about the time you’ve spent here, at Jun’s estate. You tell him about jumping from Angel’s Peak and learning how to swim. You tell him about Jun, Wonwoo, Mina, Jennie, Seungcheol, and the kids. You tell him about how the fog in your mind is so much weaker than it was when you left from the Golden Palace, and how much you’ve been able to learn about your past and about yourself. Although you decide to wait to tell Hansol the specifics. 

Hansol listens closely, nodding his head along. Once you’re done, he smiles mischievously, a new question on his tongue. “And so how long did it take you to realize you’re in love with Lord Jun?” 

Your mouth drops, and you look at Hansol shocked. “Well, longer than it took you to put it together.” 

“Ah, well, not everyone is as clueless as you when it comes to matters of the heart.” He tells you with a laugh. “If the King knew how much you’re enjoying the southern sea, I think he’d whisk you back to the palace immediately. You look happy.” 

You turn your head towards the water and wait for a wave to crash before responding. “I am.” The admission seems to make Hansol happy as well. “Also, I’ve been meaning to say, but I think it’s about time we fought each other, Captain Hansol.” 

He stops in his tracks. “Really?” 

You nod. And then you tell him about how you’ve outgrown your fear of fighting and losing yourself in it. And how you’ve come to control your own strength against your opponent. “Every afternoon, either I’m teaching the local children how to fight or I’m fighting Captain Wonwoo and one of the guards. But now that you’re here, I think it’s time I put all those years I spent teaching you how to fight to use.” You pause, waiting for his response. 

He grips your shoulders and smiles excitedly. “You should know, I have been waiting for this day since I was 17 years old.” 

***

“Please don’t beat the life out of me.” Hansol jokes that afternoon as you face each other in the courtyard ready to fight. 

“I won’t. Although, I wish I could beat out of you your fear of Risals.” At that, Hansol laughs. The courtyard is filled with Jun, Wonwoo, Mina, the guards, Hansol’s squadron, the other Knights, and your students all awaiting the match between Captain Hansol, one of the best fighters in the Knights of the Holy Order, and the Gift of Fortitude. You find you’re also excited for this match. Hansol is a good fighter. You trained him for over five years, and in that time, you taught him all your moves. He knows the way you pick your fights and plot your moves. And perhaps, after his training with the Knights, Hansol will surprise you with some new moves that you have yet to see. That being said, you don't doubt your ability to win. You might struggle a bit more than you do when fighting with Wonwoo, but the thought makes your blood jump with excitement more than anything. 

You circle each other for a second, and when Hansol does charge towards you fist clenched, it takes you a moment to register that he’s moved before you dodge the punch. You block his arm with yours and use the momentum to twirl around him, bringing your knee up to jam into his side. He lunges at you again. And then once more. You let the second blow hit your stomach just to see how strong Hansol is and regret it the moment you do. He’s strong, and your own tolerance for pain is low. You sidestep from his next kick and use the imbalance to tackle him to the ground. And in the few seconds it takes for him to react, you pummel into his stomach with the same force that he punched you with and slap him on the face once, although the slap is petty and harmless. He clutches his cheek with fake shock before pushing you off him and to the ground, your back on the grass. He pins down your arms. “Don’t blame me for your own decision to take the hit.” He teases while also landing punches to your stomach for the small second he has you caged under his own body weight. You exhale dramatically heaving your legs up to throw him off. It’s only once you’re up that you feel the pain of his blows, although the pain does not feel as bad as it did before. You’re both on your feet again. Circling each other. Punching and kicking faster than you’ve seen in a while and faster than you’ve had to do yourself in years. You’re tackling each other to the ground in one moment and back on your feet in the next. Hansol is fast. And you feel rusty fighting him. He’s punching and lunging at you with no rest even managing to hit you on some occasions but not in the way he wants for you’re always able to duck or twist your body just in time for the impact. You swipe your leg under his and it takes almost all your strength for the move to topple him onto his back. You find yourself thinking that you’ve instilled in Hansol the importance of a good stance too well. But once he’s on his back, you kick him onto this stomach and quickly pounce onto him, trapping his hands behind his back with one hand and using your other hand to push his face into the grass. You use one foot to pin down both of his legs by the ankle and shove your other knee into the small of his back. 

“Surrender.” You pant. 

You lift his head up out of the grass by his hair. You’re surprised to hear that he’s laughing although it comes out ragged behind his heavy breathing. “I surrender.” 

And you fall onto your back in the grass next to him, clutching your stomach that’s beginning to ache with your own laughs. You are exhausted and jumping within your own body from the excitement all at the same time. You lay on the grass utterly delighted with the fight.

And once the people in the courtyard realize it’s ended, they erupt in an applause. 

—LORD JUN— “Does that hurt?” Jun asks you, poking at one of the bruises on your stomach that’s already turning purple and blue. You don’t even wince. 

“Not anymore.” You say nonchalantly pulling the end of your shirt back down. It was only minutes ago that you and Hansol were pouncing on each other in the courtyard like wildcats. Hansol was so exhausted after the fight he probably would have passed out there on the grass if Wonwoo hadn’t dragged him back to his room to rest up. You, on the other hand, look as if you’ve only gone on an easy run. Jun walked you to your room expecting you to want to rest, but instead you’re laying on the bed with him looking rather awake. 

“Are you even tired?” He asks. 

You shrug. “About as tired as I am after our swims.”

Jun chuckles. “I suppose another power you wield is the inability to tire then.” 

You hum, pouting your lips. “Does it make you upset when I’m fighting?” 

“No. Should it?” 

“No, it’s just that” you hesitate, “there have been certain men who would take offense when I fought in the past. They found it improper.” Jun snorts, dismissing the notion entirely. You look amused at his response. 

He throws an arm over you. “Actually, it was nice seeing you struggle to win something for once.” 

You roll your eyes. “You should see the other guy.” 

“I did.” Jun says gravely. “And I’m afraid he won’t wake up after that fight.” 

You scoff. “He’ll be fine. Plus,” your voice turns serious, “I actually did struggle to win that fight.” 

Jun looks at you unamused. “Is that a joke?” 

You lift your head from the bed. “What?”  

“The fight didn’t even last five minutes. Hansol barely got in five good punches.” 

“Exactly,” you defend, “that’s the most I’ve struggled in a fight since the Holy Wars.” 

Jun drops his head back on the bed. “You’re unbelievable. I’m taking a nap now, goodnight.” 

You roll him off the bed. 

—THE GIFT OF FORTITUDE—

It’s at dinner with everyone that you tell Hansol all that you’ve remembered in the past months. You tell him about the Holy Wars and Lord Mark’s death. At last, you give him an answer to the question about the Nomads he asked that night back at the Golden Palace. He seems satisfied with all that you’ve told him, as if the pieces are finally coming together and in a sense, they are.  

“So then there’s just one more question left to ask.” He muses, sitting back in his chair. “Do you remember what else you told Soonyoung the night before he left?” 

You suck in a breath. Had you told him something else? Perhaps whatever else you told Soonyoung that night had something to do with why you advised him to go to the Nomads’ Land specifically, beyond their connection with the Elders. Perhaps it had something to do with—

oh. 

Suddenly your head splits into two, and in the chasm that emerges, you remember. 

“I do.” You breathe, cradling your head in your hands and unbelieving of your own memories. “Who told you?” 

“Soonyoung told Seokmin and Seungkwan before he left. Seungkwan told me. We all had questions for you. But Seokmin was always on some eastern campaign, and you and Seungkwan weren’t even talking. I tried asking you, but you denied it every time I brought it up. You could barely remember before, but today you said that you’re remembering more now. You said the fog in your mind is clearing. Is it clear enough to tell me more? Do you remember enough to explain why you said what you did?” 

You’re silent, trying to make sense of your own foggy memories. It’s Jun who eventually asks it. He leans towards you, and the hand he places on your hunched back feels like a vote of confidence and another of comfort, “are you alright?” You nod. He waits a beat. “What did you tell Soonyoung that night?”

You look at Jun. Then Wonwoo. Then Hansol; he nods. All three watch you carefully. 

“I told him that…” you gulp, picking at the table and then your shirt as well, “I told him one of the Seven Sins is still alive. I sent him to the Nomads’ Lands because I think they’ll know how to find the Sin” 

Jun and Wonwoo look at you insanely, almost as insanely as you feel. 

Hansol starts laughing at the madness of it all. 

It’s a hard thing for you to explain, but you try anyway. “I know it’s difficult to believe. But I know it in my gut, and I think I’ve known it for quite some time now.” You tell them how when the Gifts arrived at your village and pronounced you the Gift of Fortitude, it was like you had been relieved of this lump in your throat or like they had reached into your stomach and pulled out a rock sitting at the bottom. It was only after the Holy Wars ended, with the signing of a treaty by you and Jeonghan, that you realized the lump in your throat and the rock in your gut had returned. But you lived with the lump for so long and learned to tolerate the rock so well that you almost forgot about it entirely. That was until one day you woke in your rooms at the Golden Palace to a clear throat and empty stomach. You didn’t even realize what it meant until the week you told Soonyoung.

And somewhere in the midst of recounting everything to Jun, Hansol, and Wonwoo, your mind feels suddenly, blissfully clear. That night, you do more than just remember.

You shoot up from your seat, startling all three of them. You find paper in the next room and begin to write to Soonyoung. Because in your clarity, you see more than you’ve ever seen before. You know how to help Soonyoung find the Sin. Your hand flies across the paper, clarity leading the pen with a mind of its own. And by the time you’re done, Jun, Wonwoo, and Hansol have followed you into the kitchen. All four of them stare at your scribblings. 

“What is that?” 

“I think it’s supposed to be a letter.” 

“No, no. It’s a drawing.” 

“Actually,” you cut all three of them off, “I think it’s meant to be a map.” 

The three boys share a look. 

“What do you mean you think?” 

“You’re the one who drew it, how can you not know?” 

“I still think it’s a drawing.”

“Please.” You spit at the boys, grinding your teeth at the bubbling pain in your head. “It’s a map. And it’s for Soonyoung.” You retrieve your Risal, and pray silently that your message finds him, and that he’ll be able to make sense of your muddled clarity. “Soonyoung will know.” You add before whispering his name to the Risal and watching the bird disappear into the night sky. 

Hansol shifts his weight between his feet. The question that leaves his lips sounds painfully hopeful. “You really can’t remember?”

Then, all at once, your pain returns. Blurring your vision, making you feel nauseous and unsure. Your body, your mind, your limbs feel weak. Weaker than after you swim for miles with Jun. Weaker than after your fight with Hansol. This pain is more than physical. This pain consumes you. It infiltrates your entire being. But this is a pain you know. This is how you feel every time the fog in your mind reclaims its territory. 

You fall to your knees, Jun catching you in his arms before you hit the ground completely. You grimace into his shoulder. He says something to Wonwoo who shuffles away hurriedly before carrying you in his arms away from the kitchen and back to your bedroom. The last thing you remember before everything turns black is the pain in your head and Jun’s voice in your ear.

—LORD JUN—

Jun can’t sleep that night. He sits by your bedside instead and waits for you to wake up, unable to erase the look on your face moments before you passed out. Jun is no stranger to the fog in your mind, but at dinner something was different, off. When you first started telling Jun about your past, you suffered from headaches often, but as time passed and as your past became a familiar topic of conversation, the headaches faded away. Jun can’t even remember the last time you requested the migraine medicine from Mina. And more than that, you never seemed to forget what you remembered with Jun. But last night was nothing like what Jun had seen before. In one moment, you knew everything with a startling amount of certainty, and then in the next, you were kneeling on the floor, crying in pain. Jun can’t seem to rid his mind of the look on your face, a look that expressed more than just your pain, a look that screamed confusion. Jun can’t forget how lost you looked in your own mind and how hard you were trying to claw your way out. Jun tries to think of something else. 

He hears rustling beside him, and you’re up, attempting to sit up in the bed. He coaxes you into laying back down. And once you’re really awake, rubbing circles to your temples, Jun asks if you’re feeling any better. 

“Not by much.” You groan, dropping your hands on the bed. 

Jun takes a seat on the bed, leaning his back against the headboard. He takes your free hand in his and squeezes. “Tell me what you remember.”

And so you do. “Was it a map that I sent to Soonyoung?” You ask once you’ve reached the end. Jun nods, and you sigh an ‘oh’ turning your head away. 

A silence engulfs the room, and there’s something in your voice when you whisper, “why is it that I can’t remember why I sent it?” that makes a piece of Jun break. He doesn’t know what to say. So you stare at the ceiling until you silently slip back into sleep.

—THE GIFT OF FORTITUDE— The Risal returns the next day while you and Jun are sitting at the rocks alone. It’s been months since anyone has heard from Soonyoung, so when the Risal lands on your arm dropping a letter in your lap, you’re more than just shocked. You read it silently. 

Dear Fortitude,  Firstly, I presume I should apologize for not answering any of your previous Risals. I had no good news to share. That is, until now. We’ve deciphered your code. We know exactly what to do now. I’m not sure how you knew this was what we needed to finish. Meet us at my castle. From there, we’ll go together. The end is near.  -Soonyoung

“What’s it say?” Jun questions. You look at him softly before handing him the letter to read for himself. 

He’s quiet then, “oh.” He folds the letter, placing it back in your lap. “I thought you said it was a map.” 

“Jun.” You whisper, not letting him ignore the thoughts and worries that plague both your minds. 

He pouts and looks out towards the sea. When he speaks at last, he does it so softly, it makes a part of you burn. “You should go.” 

You hurl a small rock into the water. “What if I don’t want to?” 

“I hate to say it, but you—“ 

“I know.” You take a shallow breath. “I have to.” 

Things are put into place quietly after that. All of the Princes have their own castle although none of them spend much time at them. Soonyoung’s castle is northwest of King’s City, a day's worth of riding with a strong horse. You would ride with Hansol’s squadron to King’s City, and from there you would ride to Soonyoung castle which was built right into the side of the western mountains alone. It would take you three days of riding if you’re lucky. Five days if you’re not. In truth, you don’t want to leave Jun's estate, and you most certainly don’t want to bid goodbye to the sea. 

This is what you want: to throw yourself off of Angel’s Peak like a sack of flour. You want to swim in the cold, freezing water. You want to swim away from the kingdom. From the King. From your worries. From your fears. You want to swim far far away to some remote, undiscovered island where you no longer have to be the Gift of Fortitude. And you want to do it all with Jun. 

But you pack your bags instead, send Soonyoung a Risal telling him you’ll arrive at his castle soon. You say goodbye to Jun and Wonwoo that night. You and Hansol would be leaving before they wake. And later that night, you go to Jun’s room and sleep in his bed and cry into his pillow because you don’t want to leave. But more than that, you don’t want to leave him. You say goodbye again.

—LORD JUN—

Jun jolts out of bed. He feels disgustingly cold when he realizes that he’s woken up alone. That you’re already gone. But then he hears shouting and horseshoes against pavement from out of his window. He looks behind the curtains and makes out six figures on horseback, just beginning to ride away from the estate. He’s running out of his room, slipping on shoes and a shirt, and dragging his horse out of the stables, desperately trying to catch up to Hansol’s squadron and needing to catch up to you. 

He’s riding faster than wind through the town roads, screaming your name. And when he finally catches up to you, in the forest path, he leaps off his horse and runs to you. You see him at the same time he sees you, jumping off your horse as well and flinging yourself into Jun’s arm. Only once he’s embracing you in his arms does Jun realize he’s crying. Hansol leads his squadron further down the path, slowly so that you can catch up afterwards, but away to give you privacy. 

“You didn’t say goodbye.” He cries into your hair. 

“I didn’t want to wake you.” 

“You should’ve. I barely sleep as it is.” 

“All the more reason not to, Jun.” 

He squeezes his arms around you. 

“Ask me to stay.” You whisper into his neck, sad and lonely. 

“I can’t.” He whispers back. You pull away and look at his face. Swiping your thumbs across his cheeks. 

“Tell me you hate me then.” You weep. “And that you want me to go. Tell me you want me far away from here.“

“Fortitude—” 

“Tell me something to make me hate you.” 

“—I can’t.” 

You inhale sharply, grabbing fitfulls of his shirt in your hands. “Then tell me something that will make it easier to bear the pain of leaving you.” 

He pushes a strand of hair behind your ear, noticing that your hair is in a braid. Jun hesitates. “Did you do your hair yourself? When did you learn how to braid it?”

You slap his chest. “You dummy. I’ve known how to braid since the first time you showed me.” And then you’re crying again, burying your face into his chest. Jun’s laughing and crying, stroking your braided hair because how foolish is it you both should have wanted nothing more than to be near each other since the very beginning. And how foolish is it that it took you so long to admit, to yourselves and to each other. 

“I love you.”

“Not that,” you bawl, “tell me anything but that.” 

“I love you.” He repeats. “And one day, when all this is over, we’ll go west. To where the mountains meet the sea. So that you’ll have an infinite number of cliffs to throw yourself off of.” You nod, laughing through the tears. Jun kisses you. Once. Twice. Again. And over. 

“I’ll come back, Jun.” You promise. “I’ll come back here, to you.” 

“Well, yeah, you have to.” You look at him confused but amused. He continues softly. “Because the sea is still yours to take.” 

You laugh once. Kiss him twice. Then mount your horse riding down the path again. And Jun watches you go, holding your last I love you to his chest.

a/n: i present to you my heart and soul, if you actually read this whole thing wow good for you this fic is way too long for it’s own good but i ended up getting attatched to too many of the plotlines to take anything more out. fun fact, this was actually an original work that I took some stuff out of and converted into a fic. there’s definitely more to come in this story but idk if i’ll ever get around to actually writing it. I just want to share that I’ve been sitting on this wip/world for literally a year now, and if anyone remembers that random soonyoung drabble that i posted last year it’s the same world as this okay bye

[jeromesxreader16]

Such a Joker (51)

Part 50 Here!

~o0o~

I scan through paint swatches, holding it up to the walls of the nursery contemplating the vast difference in the outcome. "I like this blue." Jeremiah picks up a swatch and tapes it to the wall. I smile as he narrows his hands focusing on the paint. He nods looking around the room. "We can put both the cribs against the wall here and place the changing station in the middle. Rocking chairs in either corner." He smiles with his accomplished plan.

"What do you think, boys?" He asks kneeling at my stomach. I scoff smiling, "How do you know these boys of yours aren't girls?" Jeremiah leans down pressing his ear on my swollen belly.

"Hmm. Yes. What was that? Of course, I'll let mommy know."

Jeremiah stands cupping my face. "You're children don't like the vitamin shake you drink." I roll my eyes walking away and taping a light pink swatch of paint on the wall.

Jeremiah raises a brow smirking. "Really, (Y/n)?" I shrug beaming. "You never know, Jer."

~

I look out the large window looking at the starved and rotten Gotham. I sigh sipping at my morning tea Ecco brought me.

"You're sighing again." I look over at her smiling. "You say that a lot." "It's because you sit there looking like a princess waiting for someone to come." I shake my head at Ecco laughing. "You're crazy, Ecco."

She hops in front of me smirking. "We could be bad, ya know? Sneak out. Just for a little." I narrow my eyes leaning in. "Keep talking."

~

Jeremiah POV:

Coming up the elevator into the late hours of the night to finally take rest next to my wife. "The tunnel is coming along nicely," Ecco says standing beside me. "Yes, there is much to do."

"Ecco, does my darling ever speak of life before this?" Ecco nods at me. "Mrs. Valeska always loves to spend time thinking of the good days." I hum reconnecting ways to make her happy. "I'll have to send her on a little trip out of our little Dark Zone."

I open the door to our room removing my tie and shirt and putting them away.

I walk over to my wife and rest my hands on her stomach holding my children. "We're not supposed to be here." I sigh resting my head against her. "I'm trying my best to get us out of here, loves."

She rolls to her side causing me to chuckle. I kiss her head cuddling into her in our sheets, dreaming of escaping Gotham with my family.

~

"Remember, love. Tonight is another graduation for the troops. It is still too dangerous. Care to take a trip to the Sirens today? I thought about sending you to have a full week of fun." Jeremiah asks as I cuddle into his side. "Yeah. I could use some girl time. If you're alright with having me away that long." Jeremiah holds my chin gazing into my eyes. "I love you so much, darling."

"I love you, Jeremiah." His smile warms my heart as he descends the elevator. "Behave yourself, loves."

~

I step out of the car smiling at the large buildings all so familiar. "Hello, Sirens." I grab the railing to step inside but am bumped by a force making me stumble.

"I - I'm so sorry, miss!" I look down at a little boy with bruises and scratches all over his body. I kneel gasping at his frame. "Oh, honey." He looks behind his shoulder gulping. "You have to help me, please."

I look up at the building thinking over my plans. Jeremiah told me to go here and only here, but it's not like he knew I was going to run into an abandoned child!

I nod at the small kid getting back in my car. "Come on, kid." He jumps in my car closing the door and gasping. "Thank you! Thank you so much, miss!" I smile sadly at the frightened little boy.

"Where are you going? Where can I take you?"

He looks at me with hopeful eyes. "The Haven."

I've heard whispers of the spot concealed in safety for a couple of weeks now. "I have an idea of where it is. I'll take you there."

He nods smiling, "My name is Will Thomas." He offers his hand.

"(Y/n) Valeska. It's good to meet you, Will." He smiles shaking my hand.

~

"Whoa." Will gasps as the large caged in the apartment corner appears. "Yeah," I say taking a look at all the people smiling. "Are you coming with me? I have to find someone who can help my brother and sister!" I nod turning off the car. "Yeah. I'm not sure who all lives here, but I can help you look around."

Walking in the small compound many of the people were friendly in this trying time.

I walk up holding Will's weak hand. "Excuse me, sir." He turns to me confused. "Yes?" "This boy needs your help." I try to usher him and scatter away but a hand reaches out grasping my wrist as I walk away from them.

I look up meeting my father's eyes through the shades. "(Y/n)?"

I smile removing the glasses. "Jim." he crumbles losing his balance. "Where have you been?" I shake my head tugging at my arm. "I-I can't be here."

I run away slipping out of the Haven untouched and back to my car as my father runs out screaming my name. I drive to the club again and entering as nothing happened.

"(Y/n)!" Babs screams running to me. "Oh, my! You've filled out!" I laugh pushing out my stomach. "Well, when you've got two fighting for space."

~

Jim POV:

That was her. My girl. My beautiful daughter walking right in and then scurried away faster than wildfire. "Jim, was that-" I turn to Harvey with a smile breaking my features. "Yeah. That was (Y/n)." Harvey pats my shoulder. "I know you're thinking you have to find her at this very second and trust me I do too, but we've got another pressing thing. Like this mystery kid." Harvey pulls me away from my thoughts.

"Right. What do we know?"

"His name is Will Thomas. Parents died in a home invasion a few weeks after the bridges came down. Guys that broke in took him to some sort of factory where he was held alongside dozens of other stolen kids, all chained together."

"God. Who are these guys?" "Call themselves The Soothsayers."

"You ever heard of them?" "No. But who can keep track these days?"

"Which district?" "Granton. Near the water, he said. Had them digging some sort of tunnel. Will broke free from his restraints last night and walked nine miles through the Dark Zone and found Mrs. Valeska in the Sirens block. She brought him here."

"What kind of tunnel?"

"Unclear."

"There's an abandoned waterworks by the old dock in Granton."

"Detective Gordon?" The small boy asks. "My friends. You'll save them, won't you?" I nod at him holding a smile. "I'll look into it."

"The Soothsayers won't be happy I escaped. They'll punish

the others for it. Please, Mr. Gordon. I promised them I'd bring help."

~

"Gosh, I can't wait until I can drink again." I laugh at Babara from behind the bar as she throws down a shot. "Oh, me and you both. Push those kids onto that pale freak and go wild!"

Feet away the crowd split and they still their ongoing conversations. None other than James Gordon walks over to Barbara. I duck under the bar hiding in plain sight.

"Barbara." She looks down at me before turning to ace my father. "Jim, what brings you crawling out into the open tonight? Come to join the party? One last hoorah before someone wastes you?" She smirks taking another shot before slamming it down.

"I'm here to ask a favor. Maybe some information if you have it."

"A favor plus info, right. Is this after you stood by and did nothing while my best friend on this Earth was stabbed through the heart?"

"I put him down."

"You restored his limp."

"HE SHOULD BE DEAD!"

Jim sighs, "Barbara." She cuts him off with her screams. "Everybody out! Now! I said move!"

As they file out and the music comes to a halt I shiver on my knees. Why am I doing this? Hiding from my blood.

"Planning revenge?" "Well, someone has to do something about that freak."

"He has an army. It would be suicide." "Look around, Jim. We're all slowly dying. Just some of us get to choose how."

"I'm sorry about what happened to Tabitha."

Babs brushes off the matter scoffing, "So, these favors?"

"I need transportation. Trucks, maybe."

"Where are you going?"

"It's a police matter," Jim says making me hold in a laugh. How could police exist nowadays?

"You know, they should really write that on your tombstone. They're downstairs in the basement lot. Knock yourself out. Drive right into this nightmare you created. You won't last a night."

He stays quiet for a moment before asking, "Have you seen (y/n)?" Barbara chuckles, "And if I did, what makes you think she wants to see her father who turned her own happiness away?" I peer over the bar watching my father's eyes drop and sadness fills his emotions. He turns away from the bar walking away. "Thank you for the trucks."

I pop up resting my elbows on the counter. "You didn't have to yell at him." Babs turns to me locking eyes. She breaks shaking her head with a sad smile. "No, I guess I didn't." I come around the bar sitting beside her. "You really think he won't last out there?" She turns to me smirking. "Not if he has some help. How long are you staying here?" I shrug, "Jeremiah doesn't need me around when the church graduates. He said the tension in the air is stressful for the babies." She scoffs laughing. "Right, because he's Mr. smartypants."

~

I sit on the couch watching TV as Babs strides through tossing my gun at me. "Load it and follow me." I stand following her. "Uh, why do I need a gun?" She turns back to me as walks into the garage.

"We're going to help Jimmy. You want to drive?"

I smile at her nodding. "Okay."

~

"Wait, slow down! I hear something." Barbara says causing me to stop the vehicle equipped with machine guns on the empty road. "I won't say it again, freak. Gordon comes with me."

I smile at her, "Jackpot!"

"I'll tell you what! I'll take his head, and you can have the rest of him!"

"NOW!" I scream as we whip around the corner and shoot down the punks. Barabra hops out fo the car walking towards my father.

"Hi, Jim. About our last chat... I may have been a little rash. This what got you all hot and bothered? They need a bath."

"Crazy bi-" I stand from my seat shooting the armed man aiming at Babs. As I hit the target, my father does as well.

He looks at me in shock. "(Y/n)?" I smile sitting back and cranking the car.

"Oh, lookie there. I found her. Not all square yet though. You're gonna help me do what we all know needs doing."

"Oh, yeah? What's that?"

"Kill Penguin."

~

I gaze and smile a all the happy citizens in the Haven. "This is amazing."

"Citizens are heading here in droves. This place will be full

by sundown." Jim nods looking around. "Then we'll find another."

I look up at him. "I figured you left when the evacuation was called." My father puts an arm across my shoulder pulling me to him. "You were still here. I was never going to leave without you. Especially now with these two." He says placing a hand on my stomach.

A woman walks up with her younger ones grinning at Jim. "I just want to thank you, Captain Gordon. My family, we've been drifting from one place to the next ever since the blackout. You've delivered us." She walks away beaming with joy, leaving my father with a raised head and confidence and honor beaming from him.

His moment soon ruined by Barbara scoffing, "Seriously?" She rolls her eyes looking at me. "You know he'll be angry with you if he finds you here. You're staying with me so my ass will be burned."

I look back at Babs and my father. He grabs my wrist looking me in the eyes. "You can't go back, (Y/n). Look at what he's done!" I close my eyes gathering my emotions. "Jim, please let me go so I can go home to my husband. This will end ugly if you refuse." He looks at me with shock and shakes his head. "No, I found you and now I'm going to keep the three of you safe from him." I rip my arm out of his grip. "I came to you! I understand you're upset, I do. But... Daddy's little girl is gone, I married him, he is the father of my children, and that won't change. You can either fight it and our contact will end, or..." I take out his pen from his pocket and grab his hand, writing my phone number. "You can accept me for the person I have become, and call me."

Jim nods sadly. He places his hand on mine. "I love you, (Y/n)." I nod smiling at my father. "I hope so." I back up walking next to Barbara.

"I'll see you around, killer. We have some unfinished business, you and I." She nods to him as we exit the gates.

~

"How was the day, darling? Have my twins kicked you anymore? I talked with them the other night." I giggle over the line laying on the big bed in the guest room of Barbara's home. "They've been fine, Jer. How was the first day of the graduates?" He sighs over the phone. "10 go in and only 4 complete the trial. It's quite disappointing." "I bet you'll have more tomorrow. It is a new day after all." "Indeed, love."

I snuggle in my covers rubbing my belly. "Get some rest, Jeremiah. I'll see you soon." He hums in the line. "I do hope so, darling. I love you." I smile feeling complete. "I love you too, Jeremiah."

As the call ends it suddenly rings again. I pick it up figuring it to be Jeremiah, once more. "Did you forget something?" I giggle over the line. "(Y/n)?" Jim's shaky voice comes through. "Dad."

He sighs and speaks, "Hi honey. H-How are you?"

At this time I talk to my father and open the door that has been shut so long.

"Hey! How about we meet up for lunch when we can?" I laugh at him, "You're going to act like everything's normal and grab a sub?" "Why not? I've got my family back."

A piercing giggle springs from the bathroom. Jerome walks out with sunglasses and posing in the mirror. "I'm going to tell."

I shake my head at him as my father talks. Jerome cackles and runs to the door making me chase after him tripping him. "OW! Workers comp!" He cries.

He stands up giggling. "Ole Jimmy. Always slithering around and shitting on our lives. Brother will be mad, (Y/n), you know that."

"Goodnight, Dad."

I hang up rolling on my side and cuddling into the sheets. "He won't find out, Jerome." He scoffs cuddling close to me. "Lying to your husband? You naughty girl."

I laugh into the pillow. "Goodnight, Jerome." 

[youllallriseintheink]

Breaking the Timeloop, chapter 1: Henry, this is Henry

Thanks for showing support for this, guys. I hope you like it. The first chapter mostly outlines the “laws” of this fic’s universe, which are based on popular Reddit theories of the time. They’re outdated now, but made for a nice story.

---

Henry Stein stepped into Joey Drew Studios, apprehensive as to what he might find. Returning to the studio had seemed like such a small favor to make his ex-business partner and old friend happy. Joey Drew had seemed so remorseful, and so much calmer and kinder than he had been back then. Still, as soon as Henry was staring down the studio's halls, lifeless and decaying  but otherwise unchanged, he was reminded of the time he'd spent working in them. In those years, Joey Drew had shown an ugly, selfish, twisted side of himself to Henry. One that Henry had all but forgotten about. Who knew what he'd wanted from having Henry return?

 With a start, Henry realized that he was holding two objects in his hand, neither of which he recalled bringing in: a strange, hand-mirror shaped instrument, and a book with the words, READ IMMEDIATELY written large in ink over the entire expanse of the cover. Henry obeyed the text.

Henry? This is Henry. This'll come as a surprise, but you're stuck in a time loop, buddy. You seem to lose your memory every few loops. After a few hundred loops, though, I figured that out and started this journal. This way, you can learn from my mistakes and hopefully have a better chance of getting out of here.

I don't know why I'm here. That makes it pretty difficult to guess what needs to be done to get out. My best guess is that Joey Drew put me in this time loop so that I could fix his mess. Keep your eyes out for any indication that this is not the case, but for now, focus on trying to save as many people as possible.

Follow these rules:

1. Write down anything significant you learn. If you end up in Joey Drew's apartment, write everything you need to down, because it'll be your last chance to do so before a new loop begins.

2. Don't be afraid to die. This time loop effectively makes you immortal. Take risks to experiment.

3. Protect this book at all costs. When Joey Drew sends you back into the studio at the end of a loop, transfer it and the seeing tool to your right hand to ensure it will be preserved.

The next page contains a table of contents. This page contains a list of the creatures you'll encounter. Please read it.

Ink creatures in general

Each ink creature was either made with a soul, or took on an imprint. The ones with souls hold the memories of the people they once were. I'll start with the ones with souls.

Sammy Lawrence

Yeah, that Sammy Lawrence. Sorry, bud, but you had to learn sometime that Joey created a real tragedy. Sammy isn't your chipper, if easily annoyed old friend anymore. He's an ink-covered loon who worships Bendy (who I'll get to later) to the point where he's willing to use you as a human sacrifice. He mostly lurks in the first basement floor and second to lowest floor of the studio. However, since he worships the ink demon, he can be anywhere instead of hiding away from him as most ink creatures do. Bendy is still malicious to him occasionally, however. He's almost invariably malicious at first, but there are ways of saving him. See pages 34, 52, and 57 for how to befriend him. He's a powerful ally as he runs a cult of lost ones and searchers. Times befriended: 63/584 (since I started counting) Times killed: 311/584

Susie Campbell/Alice Angel (scarred)

Susie Campbell's soul was transferred into an Alice Angel clone. Be extremely careful around her, as she is capricious and has no qualms with murder. She is mostly found on the ninth floor, where she has a fairly significant portion of the studio sealed up to protect herself from the ink demon. She has access to a lot of machinery in there, and can control the elevator to some extent. Don't fall into her web-she has arguably adapted to surviving and protecting herself here better than anyone. She can also be found on level S. Do not use the elevator unless she either hasn't met you, or is dead. Be especially wary of her if you're traveling with a Boris. She kills them to use their organs. For how to befriend her, go to page 78. For ways to kill her, go to pages 7, 12, and 21.

Times befriended: 3/584

Times killed: 105/584

The Projectionist

A mechanical creature containing the soul of Norman Polk. He shows no signs of sapience. I never liked the guy, but he didn't deserve this. He likes dark areas, but he can be found anywhere because he doesn't have the sense to beware the ink demon. You'll know him when you see him, and when you do, run. There are ways to kill him, though: see page 54.

Times befriended:     /584

Times killed: 9/584

Bertrum Piedmont

Apparently, after I left the company, Joey tried to make a Bendy-themed amusement park which never got off the ground, and enlisted in this guy's help. They were always at each other's throats, and after they were done doing business together, Joey put his soul in an amusement park ride resting in a storage room for all the other unused Bendyland equipment. You'll know it when you see it. Unfortunately, he always mistakes me for Joey Drew, and that makes him almost impossible to befriend: he thinks it's just Joey being a manipulative liar. You must debilitate him before even attempting to befriend him-there is one very specific way to do so. For how to kill him, see page 4. For how to debilitate and befriend, see page 49.

Times befriended: 69/584

Times killed: 415/584

Lacie Benton and Grant Cohen

By using the seeing tool, I have detected their names on coffins. These same coffins hold the corpses of the others that were killed. It doesn't take a genius to connect the dots. At least one of them is a Lost One, it would seem, as at least one Lost One can talk and remembers its name. Lacie worked for Bertrum. She was probably killed because she was suspicious of Bertrum's whereabouts, but that's speculation. Grant Cohen was likely killed so that Joey could keep the company's financial matters secret.

Alright, now onto the soulless creatures. You probably can't save these, but they can still seriously help or hinder your quest.

Butcher Gang Members

Kill on sight. They have no signs of sapience and are invariably malicious. There are many copies of them.

Boris (perfect)

Almost invariably benevolent. The time spent with him (generally in his safehouse on the second basement floor) is like time spent with family. Down here, that kind of moral support is scarce and invaluable. However, he can be a serious liability if you run into the scarred Alice Angel. If that happens, keep him away from her at all costs. If she does get him, well, try to remember that he doesn't really have a soul. Just an imprint, seemingly of Wally Franks (laid-back, goofy, friendly, weak-willed, etc.) Though, that doesn't seem to keep him from feeling a fondness for me, or from feeling pain. I'm sorry Henry, but you're often gonna have to kill your dog. Alice hulks him up and turns him against you. For how to kill, see page 4.

Times befriended: 437/584

Times killed: 239/584

Alice Angel (unscarred)

She lives on the second-to-lowest level of the studio with a Boris clone she calls "Tom." She's generally benevolent. I suggest you recruit her early, as her combat skills can really come in handy, and, as I've mentioned, good company is scarce. When you meet her, show her your seeing tool. She has a tendency of thinking of you as some sort of savior, but she sees the seeing tool as some kind of proof of that. Her imprint could honestly be of anyone, but she's calmer than I ever knew Susie to be and has a rather feminine personality, so I'm going to guess it's Allison Pendle, who was hired to replace Susie as Alice's voice actress. For how to kill her, go to page 63.

Times befriended: 289/584

Times killed: 38/584

"Tom" Boris

Tom is a very distrustful, hardened Boris clone. He is often the main obstacle to befriending Alice. Sometimes, he can even convince her to imprison you. He is very useful in combat and situations involving strength, however. Don't try to befriend him: befriend Alice, and she'll convince him. And whatever you do, don't harm her, or look like you might harm her, in front of him. By his personality, he seems to have the imprint of Thomas Connor.

Times befriended: 260/584

Times killed: 38/584

Lost Ones and Searchers

Can't lie, don't know what these are. Some are malicious, some aren't. At least one can speak, most can't. By the same token, only a couple seem to have their own personality. I don't know if they have souls or not. I just know that when I am engulfed in the ink, I can hear their thoughts. It's like they're simultaneously one voice, and many. Their methods of combat often make them seem like a hive mind.

Bendy

Almost everyone in the studio fears Bendy. He's very powerful: he can teleport using posters, can only be killed or hurt by seeing the end tape of his cartoon (you read that right. See page 3.), and can send any creature back into the inky abyss with a single touch.

Because almost every interaction I have with him includes running away, I have not been able to get a good sense of his personality. However, I've noticed a pattern: he ceases to attack anything after he has killed a creature with a soul. He doesn't go after others without a soul, though he doesn't mind coming close enough to them to melt them into the tendrils of ink that follow him everywhere. I think he wants a soul. Maybe that's why he's after me.

I have not yet made allies with the ink demon. He doesn't seem to take sacrifices of a souled creature- in fact, he reacts with disgust and outrage, injuring (often mortally injuring) the sacrificer before coming after the sacrifice. The only exception I've found is if the person was defending themselves.

This shows me that Bendy has standards for other people but not himself. He uses everyone he can use, and is willing to stomp on and destroy anyone he can't. There's no question in my mind who his imprint is: Joey Drew. Nonetheless, his demonic powers lead me to believe that he might know something about how to save these souls.

 Henry stared at the page a long time after he'd finished reading, as though that would change its words.  Deep down, though, he knew that three pages of his own handwriting hadn't spontaneously appeared, and he definitely didn't remember writing them. He flipped through it to find that there indeed were over seventy pages to it, all in his own writing. His stomach sank as he realized that this was entirely real. "Oh, Joey, what have you been doing?" he whispered to himself.

[harrypark-blog2]

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Long Distance Auto Transport to/from Connecticut

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Registering a Vehicle in Connecticut

A vehicle needs to be registered, so you can use it freely in Connecticut. It does not matter if you are new to Connecticut, or if you own a brand new vehicle. There is an easy registration process for your first time in the state.

A valid vehicle insurance is one of the requirements you need to meet to register the vehicle in Connecticut's DMV.

You have about 60 days to complete the transfer of your old car registration to Connecticut's DMV if you are coming from a different state.

Prior to your registration, new Connecticut residents must have the VIN verified and pass the emissions test at the testing area. There are few a exemptions, which entirely depend on the vehicle you are bringing.

After you have completed the initial process, you need to see the local DMV office and prepare the following requirements:

Vehicle's     Registration Certificate,

VIN     inspection report,

Current     Connecticut insurance ID card,

Any     acceptable ID (Valid ID, DL, Military Identification Card),

Pay     any applicable fees.

Reminder: You need to be sure you do not have parking tickets or overdue taxes or a record stating your registration was previously suspended.

Once you have become a new Connecticut resident, you will be given 30 days to complete the transfer process from your previous state to a license issued by Connecticut.

Registering a Used or New Vehicle in Connecticut

As part of CT's compliance, you need to comply with the state's criteria to register the vehicle in CT.

Your vehicle's registration will not be processed due to these reasons:

Your     car registration was suspended.

You     have unpaid tax duties.

You     have records of unpaid parking fees.

Your     vehicle did not pass the CT emission tests.

Used or Brand New Vehicles

You must perform the following before the registration process:

Bring     your vehicle to an emission evaluation facility to perform the test.

OR

Complete     the VIN verification process at a station to see if the vehicle may be     exempted from an emission test.

After your vehicle passed the test or completed the verification of VIN, see your local service office or Connecticut's DMV office along with the following documents:

 This      ID card may be requested by the insurance company and your name needs to      be on it.

Purchasing a Vehicle (Private Individual)

When you purchase a vehicle, the information below may apply, especially if it comes from a private individual:

If the     last owner discontinued the registration and has surrendered the plates,     the buyer needs to register the car and request the title to be     transferred under the buyer's name before he can drive it.

In     case the last owner discontinued the registration and has not surrendered     the plates, there is no issue using the vehicle. The title must be     endorsed and the car needs to be listed under the new owner immediately.

If the     last owner was not able to register the vehicle for some time, and an     emissions test is required, the buyer needs to get in touch with the DMV     office to apply for a tentative registration for a vehicle inspection and     complete the registration.

Leased Vehicles

When you are about to register a leased car, observe the similar steps listed above which are applicable to used/new vehicle registration. Additional information listed below is also needed:

The     leasing license from the CT DMV.

Original     copy of the POA document (duplicate copy is not accepted) which states who     is authorized to sign papers on behalf of the leasing office.

Reminder: A CT insurance ID card can be listed under the leasing office or in the new owner's name. If the vehicle is going to be used for test driving, the insurance card should be listed under the leasing office.

The leasing office's address and name should be included on the form. (Application for a Certificate of Title and Registration). The POA needs to sign the document.

Expired CT Registered Vehicles

Upon the expiration of the vehicle's registration, the owner needs to renew its registration. If it has not been renewed for more than two years, the owner needs to visit the nearest local CT DMV office with the following details:

Present     your registration renewal notification and the license plate information.

Connecticut's     DL.

The     vehicle needs to have no compliance issues, like unpaid property taxes,     parking tickets, and emission test requirements.

Payment     for registration and a late fee of 10 US dollars. If the vehicle     registration has expired more than 2 years ago, you must complete a form     to secure a document which will include the title and original     registration of the vehicle. The new owner is required to place the new plates     on his car.

Tentative Vehicle Registration

You may secure a tentative registration if your vehicle's registration has ended (especially when it needs an emissions test or safety evaluation).

You must observe similar steps listed above when you need to register a used or new vehicle. However, you must indicate you are applying for temporary vehicle registration documentation for the vehicle inspection purpose.

Reminder: Temporary registration cannot be renewed. Therefore, you must complete the emissions test or safety inspection at least in 10 days upon receipt of the registration document.

Connecticut's registration fees: The car registration fee in the state differs based on vehicle type.

Regular fees are:

For     passenger cars: 80 US dollars valid for two years.

Business     vehicle: Starts at 47 US dollars for one year (price differs depending on     a vehicle's weight)

Motorcycles:     42 US dollars valid for two years.

Trailers     (for personal): 19 US dollars valid for two years.

Snowmobiles:     20 US dollars valid for two years.

Electric     automobiles: 38 US dollars valid for two years.

Other additional fees also include:

Clean     Air Fund Fee: 10 US dollars.

Parks     Fee is 5 US dollars per year.

Environment     (Reduction of Gas Fee): 5 US dollars

Late     Charge: 10 US dollars.

Municipality     or Contractor’s processing fee: Maximum of 8 US dollars.

New residents are required to pay:

Emissions     testing fee: 20 US dollars.

Vehicle     Identification Number evaluation fee: 10 US dollars (cars which are     exempted from the emissions test).

Military personnel's vehicle registration in Connecticut: A military member who is on active duty may register a vehicle when out of CT and will be exempted from paying certain fees.

Registering Out-of-State Vehicles

Generally, you may register a vehicle if you’re out of state via mail.

You need to include:

Recent     US military identification card.

Recent     CT insurance identification card (should either be listed under the     leasing company's name or your name).

An     Application for a Title Certificate and Registration form.

Federal     Odometer document (if the vehicle was sold from a dealership).

A paid     invoice or Deed of Sale (if the vehicle was newly purchased).

A     Waiver for Registration Fee application form (for those on active duty in     US Military Armed Forces.

For a     new vehicle, an original document stating the manufacturer's origin, which     is assigned to the owner.

For     pre-owned vehicles, an out of state document, including the new owner's     details.

An     Vehicle Identification Number Form from outside the state (needs to be     acknowledged by a law enforcement representative).

Reminder: When registering a pre-owned vehicle, it needs to pass an emissions test at the testing facility before registration, unless there is an exemption.

Fee exemptions for military vehicles: A military member who is on active duty is exempted from these charges:

Renewal     and new registration fees.

Tentative     plate charge.

Safety     plate fees.

Clean     Air Fund fee.

Replacing a lost CT vehicle registration: Once a CT vehicle registration is lost, damaged or stolen, a duplicate copy may be requested either via mail or in person.

[nukagalreacts]

Part two of F04 Companions react to arriving to a settlement to late and the whole place has been razed!

omg y’all sorry im a week late on this but here it is and I hope you like it! Thanks again for the request and thank you for your patience with me!

Codsworth: It always made him proud to see Sole helping so many settlements, their ability to put themselves before others and show kindness to strangers was a quality he had admired in Sole from the very day he had first started working for them. The ability to be selfless in world like this was hard, but Sole managed to do it day in and day out, without complaining or wondering why them when bad things happened, and they were happy to have a bot like Codsworth looking out for them across the Commonwealth. Today was no different either and Sole had been up bright and early before getting a distress signal from a small settlement not to far from Sanctuary, and was quick to gear up and call for Codsworth who was ready at a moments notice.

Codsworth was helpful in keeping the path clear for Sole as they focused on getting to the settlement and bracing themselves for whatever enemies awaited them. A bit later they came up and over the hill that was suppose to overlook the small settlement and Codsworth felt horrible as he saw that everything had been burned to the ground. He could see that his master was visibly shaken by this and did his best to provide words of comfort and let Sole know they would help them track down those responsible for this horrible crime. Him and Sole went down the hill and got to work looking for any evidence of who or what did this, Sole was glad Codsworth has multiple keener eyes then they did or else it would have taken a lot longer to search through the charred rubble.

Nick: The detective and Sole where like the same person when it came to going out of their way to helping anyone who needed it, so he was usually the one Sole picked to come along with them when a settlement needed assistance. Nick and Sole were widely recognized among the settlements and people always reached out to them first when needing help, and since Nick was a synth it actually increased people’s trust of synths in general as more people came to realize that synths weren’t a bad thing and most of them were just trying to live their lives.

Today was going to be no different than any other, they were just going to do a check in with a settlement that had been having some ghoul problems lately and as of last time they had gotten better defenses and seemed to be doing well. Instead they were greeted with the site of ashy, blackened ruins and bodies of ghouls and settlers scattered around the area. He could feel the disappointment and sense of failure wash over him and could see Sole’s eyes get a bit watery not just from the smoke but trying to hold back any emotions. This wasn't the first time this type of thing had happened and it certainly wouldn’t be the last, but it didn’t make the failure sting any less. From what he could see with how many dead ghoul bodies there were it looked like maybe the settlers were caught off guard and got overtaken so fast that they didn’t even have time to send out a distress signal. All they could do and hope for now was to go and see if they could find any survivors in the surrounding area.   

Cait: She hated going out of her way to help anyone unless there was something in it for her, even then the reward better be something pretty spectacular if she has to risk her ass for someone. When she had first started traveling with Sole and they went off to help a settlement she moaned and groaned the whole time saying what a waste of time it was and people needed to learn how to defend themselves and not rely on others for help, over time though Sole had softened her up a bit and convinced her helping these places was for the betterment of the Commonwealth as a whole. Cait couldn’t deny either that helping so many places out had its perks and they ended up getting weapons and other supplies for free from grateful settlements, and it felt good to be seen as somewhat of a hero instead of being seen as some low life junkie.

Not every mission went smoothly though and she had seen her fair share of razed settlements,so the one she was staring at right now didn’t affect her at all, not like it did Sole anyways. Cait’s whole life had always been nothing but violence and neglect, her emotions had become limited and all but stunted as an adult, with Sole that had changed a little bit but not by much. In this case Cait acted as the more level headed one who would try to get Sole to calm down and think rationally so they could go kick the ass of whoever raided this settlement, now that was something Cait was always happy to do.  

Deacon: The man may be a compulsive liar who changes his face every other week and no one really knows who he is besides those he works with, but deep down he cared about helping the people of the Commonwealth, even those who weren’t synths. In between doing missions for the railroad with Sole they would go out and do their best to help struggling settlements rather that would be building up defenses, taking care of raiders, or just helping with crops, no job was to big or small for them.

In the morning they had been making their way to a drop box location for info on their next mission when they spotted wafts of black smoke not to far from their location. They shared a look before making the mutual decision to go check it out. Deacon expected to find a camp of super mutants but it was so much worse than that, from behind his sunglasses he could make out a pile of bodies of what he assumed had been innocent settlers all stacked in a gruesome display of guts and blood. Super mutants had already come through here and slaughtered and destroyed everything without mercy, it made his stomach twist and turn as he turned away trying to keep down the bile half way up his throat. He felt horrible that him and Sole hadn’t passed by sooner they could have saved everyone here, but he guessed this is just the way the cards played out sometimes, and they couldn’t always be in the right place every time.

Curie: Someone needs help she is the synth for the job and will come running from anywhere in the Commonwealth to help anyone out! Curie has become a well known face among the people because she is so handy at her medical practice and hasn’t had a patient die on her yet, and everyone loves her friendly and calm personality. Whenever Sole is going out to a settlement she never leaves Curie behind no matter the reason she is going out to help them.

This time around Sole and Curie had plans to stop at a settlement not far from Sanctuary because some of the younger settlers kept coming down with a certain disease, and Curie had found a way to make a vaccine for it and planned to treat all the settlers with it. Curie was overly excited as they made their way down the trail that led right into the settlement, her medical bag carrying all the vaccines dropped out of her hand and Sole could hear the syringes breaking along with other medical equipment as they stared in shock at the destroyed settlement. Curie cried out and covered her mouth in horror, she had loved this place and the people in it so much and had come to care for them like family and in the blink of an eye something had stolen it all away. Curie slumped to the ground not understanding why this had happened, why the Commonwealth had to be such a cruel place.

Danse: Before he had found out he was a synth and worked for the B.O.S, helping out settlements and clearing out the filth to cleanse the Commonwealth had just been a job, he was only following orders as a soldier, nothing more. With Sole though he had learned compassion and he actually began to care about what really happened to the settlers and the people of the Commonwealth, he didn’t view this place anymore as just another stepping stone in a mission. It took awhile for people to warm up and trust the former Brotherhood soldier but they soon realized what a changed man he had become, and where thankful for any help he could provide. Afterall Sole had faith in him, so why shouldn’t they give him a chance to.

In the past week him and Sole had been frequently getting distress signals from settlements along the coastline due to an increase in super mutant attacks. Both of them had been out here for awhile helping build up defense’s, setting traps, trying to provide weapons and training to better equip the settlers so they wouldn’t always have to depend on them for protection. Things had settled down and him and Sole had packed up ready to make their way back to Sanctuary when another distress signal blared over the radio on Sole’s pipboy. They had already made some good distance when leaving so it took longer for them to reach the area again and Danse felt horrible when he saw they where to late, super mutants had already razed the settlement and were gathering up the leftover spoils and munching on a few unlucky settlers. Danse felt his blood run hot as he glared down the mutants with disgust, he was going to make them pay for this! He began firing at them with Sole following close behind covering his back, the mutants didn’t stand a chance against the rage that was fueling Danse in his attack.

Also yes I left Dogmeat out on purpose

[connywrites]

22. “Did you just hiss at me?” - Gavin & RK900 from To Tame A Beast’s timeline, requested by Michie!

-

Considering how they were built, entirely like exaggerated guard dogs that were designed to serve and protect, animalistic responses were to be expected; at least, they should have been, but humans weren’t so easy to settle on the fact, and Gavin seemed to outright refuse it. Seeing those eyes, those sharp teeth and claws, hearing those noises and this time it was all in one go – RK900 whipped its head around while its jaw stretched down to reveal the ugly mess of spikes within its mouth that seemed unique to its model alone, pure nightmare fuel in his mind as even the tongue itself was ridged along the sides with barbs. What was the point, he always wondered, but as hard as he tried to get used to it, it always seemed to take him off-guard.

He felt his entire body jolt in response when the android opened its maw, flashing gunsilver teeth and blended blue hues of rubbery faux-membrane lining the interior of its face and mouth structure, revealing that even the cheeks and deeper into the throat were covered with claws curled in and pointed toward the back, as if made to swallow down something that would likely never escape the opposite way if it tried. Detective Reed had yet to see the beastly machine in any real action, and he couldn’t help but be grateful for that.

“You—did you just hiss at me?” The disgust was clear on his face as he recoiled and sneered, leaning back with his entire body as if he prepared for the damn thing to lunge at him. Nostrils flaring, it sucked in a breath as its sensors picked up Gavin’s scent in the air, seeming to settle its hostile demeanor as it tilted its head, blinking at him only with those hideous, translucent-cerulean inner lids while the pupils did the snake thing and his discomfort seemed to quadruple.

“Partner,” it acknowledged simply, before closing its mouth while its eyes re-adjusted to dilate into a mammalian, human-esque form, but the way it suddenly appeared mostly human was somehow twice as unnerving.

“Oh boy,” he spat with a strain of stress in his voice, running a hand through his hair as he stared at it in a moment of panic, wary that those teeth would meet his throat next.

“I apologize as I didn’t recognize you from behind me. The chief mentioned you would arrive, but not when.”

“Yeah, I was late, traffic—just keep the ugly parts to yourself, alright?” RK900 tilted its head once more, then as if in contrary to what he asked, blinked, and there was no way around watching those quadruple eyelids as they closed in around the iris and snapped back. Trying to push the fear away, he thought of sleepy cats, the way their eyes did the same thing if they were lazily looking at you while sprawled out in the sunlight, across the couch – anything was better than what was actually right in front of his face.

“I don’t think I can do that, companion,” the android offered, but the attempt at a friendly tone only sent an uneasy shiver down his spine. He’d really been set up to work with this thing, hadn’t he?

“I am designed with up-to-date equipment that will assure both of our safety even in the most dangerous of matters. I suppose I can keep a human demeanor for the most part in sake of your personal comfort, but I wouldn’t try to get used to that, if I were you.” Every time it opened its mouth to speak, his eyes were on those teeth; smaller than the RK800 model, but there were more, and they were sharper, with the bottom and top canines overriding the gums and nearly poking out from between its lips, similar to the prototype in style. The small ones were pointed and jagged while the large canines were curved back with only a slightly duller tip, another obvious mixture for crunching as well as tearing—they made the things seem carnivorous when there was no need for them to eat, and suddenly he wondered if Kamski had a certain fetish for feral creatures that could rip humans like himself limb-from-limb in a matter of seconds. The idea only added to how unnerved he felt, so he quickly dismissed it.

“So? They could have given you, I don’t know, a gun,” he groused, and as if on cue it brought up its hands – human-looking, for the time being – and from beneath its wrists surfaced a pair of firearm barrels that he could only assume held bullets similar to that of a typical Glock pistol. Who knew what else it was equipped with.

“Okay, that’s just excessive,” he spat, rolling his eyes with a huff as he looked off to the side, at the wall, at the nearby chair, at anything else. With his defiant nature piquing its curiosity, it stepped forward, leaning close; much to his dismay as he let out a low ‘eeeyuch’ and stepped away, holding up his arms in defense as to signal it to stay back.

“I am equipped with a variety of other weaponry as well, alongside deadly toxins and a small amount of implemented cyanide, should it be needed.” Gavin swallowed hard, but still couldn’t get rid of the lump in his throat; at this rate, he wasn’t sure if it would ever go away.

“And you’re really supposed to be on our side, huh…” in response, RK900 flashed him its best reassuring smile, but granting him another show of all those chromatic fangs wasn’t particularly the best way to make him feel any better over the matter.

“Do not forget, I am your designated protector,” it reminded him as the weaponry disappeared underneath the shifting metal panels that closed over before the ‘skin’ color washed back over, as if they were never there.

“I work for you, not against you.” Gavin let those words resonate in his head, trying to drill them into his own psyche until he could fully believe them. It didn’t necessarily work, but once he remembered the paperwork that had been filed beforehand and Fowler’s words and the insistence that if anything happen he should report it, his nerves began to settle alongside the goosebumps heightened on his skin.

“I guess we should get to work, then.”

-

“Stop looking at me like that. It’s fucking weird.” With a few chirrups, its eyes veered to the side as it scanned the scene, taking in everything within its immediate surroundings and internally mapping out the house. Kneeling down, it crouched on all fours to lean in towards the blood, taking in the scent as well as uncurling the typically overly long tongue they all seemed to be equipped with from its mouth, spines wiggling as it lapped up a dab of the blood for sampling. Gavin couldn’t stomach watching the damn thing, waiting for it to finish its ‘business’ like he was taking a dog outside for a shit.

“The blood is fresh. The victim may still be nearby. I suggest we search the house.”

“I’ll search the house,” Gavin corrected it, stepping past the mess, slow and quiet as he tried to take a look around.

“I don’t recommend it. If you scare the victim away, my chances of catching the suspect are lowered significantly.”

“Yeah, well, you’re not doing my job,” he hissed under his breath. Wrinkling its nose with a couple of twitches, it shifted the force of its weight to its legs as it leapt forward, nonetheless catching itself on its hands as it turned to Gavin, before standing up straight, directly in his way. Silver eyes glowed under the dim lighting as they stared him down, pupils half-rounded as they adjusted to the atmosphere. Naturally, Gavin took a step back; no matter how stubborn and defiant he was, he knew this thing was bigger and much more dangerous than himself, and the last thing he needed to do was test that.

“I am here to keep you out of danger and to assist you on your investigations, so I will do exactly that.”

“And follow me home like a stray dog too,” he groused.

“All of us do, as designated protectors,” it reminded him in a stern tone to ensure Gavin knew he wasn’t going to get out of this situation; and, in fact, literally signed up for it.

“You should be grateful I am here to help your career as well as keep you safe.” Gavin scoffed, rolling his eyes, arms folding as he shifted his weight and sighed, before waving the android off.

“Fine, you fuckin’ alien, but you’re not taking all the credit for this.”

[pnf-lover98]

DBH fanfiction - Cole Anderson

February 5th 2039,

10.00 pm.

“I won” Connor announced, disposing his cards down on the table.

Hank threw his ones away with a groan. “Urgh! You’re just a lucky bastard!”

“This result has nothing to do with luck, Hank”. The robot patiently picked up the cards, forming a tidy pack. “I’m afraid my android memory helps a little too much in this sort of games”

“You cheated!”

“Do you want a rematch?”

Hank took a moment to think. “No. You’d just cheat again. Let’s do something else.”

“Ok. Is there something in particular you’d like to do?” Connor asked, and the other shrugged in reply.

“...We coukld always talk”, the android suggested.

“About what?”

“About all of my questions you’ve been avoiding to answer this week”

The old man crossed his arms at the android’s suggestion, staying silent.

They’d been knowing eachother for a while, now, but Hank’s nature was still protective toward his secrets. Those past days, the lieutenant had fallen into another wave of sadness, and Connor wanted to help. Hence, all of his unanswered questions.

Connor didn’t want to let go, not yet,

“Do you know what happens when androids touch and their hands turn white?” the young detective asked.

Hank was taken aback from this qustion. “What the...?”

“They interface, allowing both of them to see eachother’s memory. They can literally see through eachother’s eyes” Connor answered, explaining. “They can feel exactly what the other felt, and so they know how to help their firends.”

Seeing that Hank was still not replying, sitting there with his arms crossed, the android proceded to explain to him the reason behind his question; “The problem is, Hank, that I am an android and you are a human. We cannot interface, nor see eachother’s memories”

Hank still didn’t reply, but the expression on his face shifted. He could see now where the kid was going.

“I really want to get to know you, but I don’t know how to do that unless you tell me more about your world. For example, I’d like to know what Cole was like as a person, how do you feel, or what’s going on inisde your mind.”

“Why the hell can’t you leave me alone?” Hank replied, annoyed at all those way too personal questions.

“Because we’re friends, and aside from the fact that I want to know you, I really think talking things out would help”, Connor tried to convince him, with his usual patient behaviour.

But hank felt Connor’s insistance as a violation of his personal space, so, after a long silence, the man waved the discussion off declaring that it was time to get some sleep.

His friend, innerly sighing in defeat, prepared his stasis protocols to launch for the night.

That day had been a pretty energy-consuming one, so Connor needed to charge his battery as well. Good thing he’d brought his charging equipment with him.

That night, almost at 4 am, a group of anti-android fanatics broke into the DPD station, managed to neutralize the human agents and to damage the android units.

Connor had intervened, and disbanded the group of intruders. Three of them were now under arrest, the others still on the loose.

Hank offered Connor to live in his house until all that mess would have been solved; the police station was no longer a safe place for him to stay off duty.

Connor attached his charging equipment to the wall plug and then to himself. After he wished Hank goodnight, the android entered his sleep mode.

After a while, Hank entered the room to check up on his friend. The human found himself staring, suddenly reminded of the young man's true nature; Connor was laying down on the couch, eyes closed and a relaxed position, legit looking like he was asleep like any human, but that cable sticking out of him revealed his being a machine.

It felt so odd...

But whatever Connor was, he was still the only one to really care about Hank.

“I really think talking things out would help”

- - - - -

The old lieutenant really did think about the android's words. He thought about it that night and all through his next morning's shift at the DPD.

In the afternoon, the two friends were once again hanging out at Hank's house.

“Hey, connor” Hank called for the android, who immediately turned to face his friend. “I...I thought about what you said yesterday” the man said, then gestured for Connor to follow him as he turned around, walking towards the garage.

The robot tilted his head slightly, and followed Hank without saying a word. He stopped on the doorway and watched as his friend picked up a box, among the many others in the room, and walked back to the living room.

Hank sat on the couch, placing the box on the small coffee table in front of it. Connor sat down next to him, analyzing the frame of the cardboard box.

-Processing Data...-

Processing: complete.

It had a writing on one of its sides.

Font: handwriting.

Realized with a back marker.

It read “Cole”.

Connor's led spinned to yellow.

As Hank carefully opened the box, the other man took a look at the things it contained; toys, a good pile of drawings, a few clothing items, along with other little objects. The lieutenant picked up one of said objects. It was a framed picture of a happy, smiling couple with a small kid.

“We looked like a picture-perfect family, huh?” Hank commented sarcastic, as he handed the frame to his friend.

“You...did” Connor replied. “What happened to your wife?” the robot inquired.

“We divorced shortly after the accident. I feel like Cole was the only reason we were still together anyway...” the old man explained, as Connor put the photo down next to the box.

The next thing Hank showed Connor was a friendly-looking stuffed dinosaur plushie. The android couldn't help a little smile at the plushie's odd colors.

“This was Cole's favourite toy. He won it at one of those toy vending machines. It's the only time we've ever got something out of those!” Hank stroke his thumb on the worn-out fabric of the plushie with a sad, weak smile. “He called it Dave. And I said 'you can't call it like that! Dinos are tough, brave creatures; you can't give it such a friendly name!' ” the lieutenant recalled. “I...I remember one day he couldn't find it anywhere, and he started crying. I had to turn my whole damn house upside down before I found it in the laundry basket! Cole stopped crying only after Dave was back in his arms”

Connor was listening carefully, taking in all the information Hank was giving him.

Putting the little dinosaur back into the box, the old man showed Connor a small baseball cap with a logo sewn on the front. The android scanned the logo, finding the name of the team it belonged to, and frowned a little in confusion; it was a basketball team, but it didn't match the logo he found among hank's things at the DPD office.

“When he was five, Cole declared that he liked that team better that Detroit Gears. That sentence of his nearly caused a war between us!” Hank said. “I mean...it was nothing too serious, because you can't love your family any less just 'cause they don't support your favourite team...” the man corrected himself. He didn't want Connor to misunderstand; the boy took things too literally, sometimes. “...but it didn't stop Cole from sneaking up on me from behind the couch during the games just to drop playful jokes against my team” Hank's eyes watered.

“Everything that's in this box, every memory connected to this stuff...It's always on my mind. No matter how hard I try to push it away” the old lieutenant's voice faltered.

“All those goodnight kisses, a-all the games we used to play...” the first tears slid down his cheeks.

Seeing his friend breaking down like that, Connor's deviancy produced in him a stinging feeling, and for the first time the android wondered if his species really wasn't able to feel pain.

“...his laughter, his smile, his voice! It never stops! A-and now he's gone, and it's not fair, and...and...”

Connor placed his hand on Hank's shoulder, pulling him into a hug to try to confort him. The man, breathing shakily among his tears, hugged him back tightly, holding on to the robot's shirt.

Connor rubbed his hand up and down Hank's back, his led intermitting fast a yellow light.

The android's hands turned white as an inconscious response to his thoughts. He was exerting one more time the first real emotion he'd ever experienced as a deviant; empathy.

After a while, Hank pulled himself away from the hug. With a snif, the man wiped the tears from his cheeks with the palm of his hand. “Damn it!” the old lieutenant exclaimed, turning away from Connor. The latter now was wearing a pretty confused look on his face.

“Hank...” the android's sensors scanned Hank's body language.

[Hank feels embarrassed]

It was the only time the lieutenant had ever let someone see him like that, see him cry.

“Hey...” Connor leaned over, trying to make eye contact with the man. “There is nothing to be ashamed of. It is perfectly normal and fine to cry, sometimes” the android said, his voice soft and caring.

“When I said I wanted to be your friend, I meant it” he continued. Hank finally turned back. “I want to be there for you, including when it comes to coping with the past”.

Hank pulled out a weak smile.

“Got it?” Connor asked his friend.

The man nodded in reply. “Got it”

The lieutenant's gaze fell back on the box, and on the name written on it. But this time, something changed. Hank could've never ignored Cole's absence, so heavily ever-present in his life, but he couldn't ignore Connor's presence either, and the android's desperate attempts to help him.

“Enough of talking about me and my problems for today” the man decalred, after another snif. “Now I want you to tell me something about yourself. You're not the only one who wants to understand the other, here”.

Connor accepted, with a slight nod.

“Ok”

[spycethra]

Title: Love Hack (Part 1) 

Pairing: Gavin Reed x RK-900

Relationship Level: Dating for over a year / A bit rocky

Rating: Fluff 

Story Summary: RK-900 gets hacked and loses his normal inhibitions. In turn, he’s become far more jealous and lovey dovey than ever and ironically more humanlike. But with only a few hours to experience this unbelievable version of the investigator, what’s Gavin to do after RK-900 resets back to his normal composed self?

Chapter Summary: Mission -> Survive the Coffeeshop Date

Gavin Reed did not know what to do.

He sat at a table of a local corner coffee shop with a scowling RK-900 seated just across from him. He’d been that way for nearly twenty minutes now. Normally the comforting aroma of freshly brewed coffee beans was enough to keep anyone upbeat.

But it was damn a shame that same effect didn’t manage to roll over to androids.

Richard tapped indignantly at the table’s slightly sticky surface with his index finger, appearing absolutely incensed.

“You know why we can’t go back to the office today.”

“No. Quite frankly, I don’t.”

Gavin stared at his partner in exasperation to which the android gave a conceding growl before resting his chin in his palm, still on the lookout for god knows what. It was like having a snarling pure breed that was utterly nettled by anyone (and anything) that wasn’t the man sitting across from him.

“Fine. By your horribly flawed human logic,” Richard began, sounding more vexed than ever as he proceeded to recollect the details for disaster of that very morning, “the department assumed that some amateur coder managed to successfully compromise the integrity of my programming.”

RK-900 placed his hand over his own chest with great emphasis for his state of the art configuration - still years ahead of all the rest.

“I am the RK-900, Reed. Top of the line of my series, equipped with enough security measures that with the very power to topple even the most ardent of minds. Through utilizing the Cephilax Firewall 22-78-3SR...”

And then the act of tuning out all the techno babble began…  

Gavin did well not to roll his eyes as he instead just pursed his lips into a thin line, trying hard not to fall for old habits by needling the android. RK-900 just left himself so wide open that it was hard to resist teasing him. Instead, he nodded at all the right moments, allowing the android his moment to rant away his problems and boast of his higher tier qualities all at the same time.

It was what a good boyfriend would do, right?

But as far as the detective was concerned, the RK unit could keep defending himself until he was blue in the face, they still weren’t going back to the office.  

“Does this crude summary seem accurate, detective? I have far more advanced capabilities to speak of but after analyzing the amount of time it would take to verbalize each and every one to you, it would appear the work day would be over,” Richard concluded with a little less edge in his voice than before.

Gavin mentally winced at the mention of work. RK-900 was still under the impression that they’d be going back.

“Richard, there’s no way I’m taking you back today.”

The android visibly stiffened, sitting straighter than before with his arms crossed in front of him as though he were suddenly on trial.

“Do I have to repeat myself, Reed? I already gave you conclusive evidence that I am operating at optimal capacity.”

This isn’t getting us anywhere. I have to be direct with him… Gavin thought, trying to keep things as cool as they could be.

He’d already witnessed what happened if RK-900’s stress levels increased a little over half.

And it wasn’t pretty. Hell, it got them kicked out of the station for the remainder of the day.

Fowler’s orders.

But Gavin wasn’t so much of a jerk as to torture his partner with that information. Richard was staunchly dedicated to maintaining an unblemished record.

Taking a breath, Gavin’s stone grey eyes flew up to meet with the sharpness of arctic blue. He tried staring back about understandingly as an asshole like him could for someone he actually gave a damn about. Not that he could hold the stare for very long.

It was terrifying how well Richard’s eyes seemed to dig into him so well. Averting his gaze, Gavin nervously interlaced his fingers together, a cheap attempt at buying time, while leaning forward with a small rise in heartbeat. It wasn’t even that warm in the cafe and yet beads of perspiration were already beginning to form along the contour of his neck.

Relax. This’ll either go really well… or with Richard throwing me through this very nice display window. He carefully eyed the android with a weak smile… who provided none in return.

Well, if I’m lucky and he hurls me far enough, a speeding driver might end all of my troubles for me right then and there. ...Considering that the RK-900 series doesn’t have the capacity to resuscitate the dead.  

Gavin slowly raised his head again to his now glaring partner, whose neck and shoulders had tightened with considerable impatience.  

“Reed.”  

Fuck. Moment of truth.

“Rich... You, uh, you do remember putting Connor’s chair through the wall, right?” He reminded the android carefully, while making note of RK-900’s every move.

Fortunately, the RK unit merely narrowed his eyes as though insulted by the memory.

“...It wasn’t even a very good chair anyway. It made all sorts of infernal noises when I was used it,” he argued flippantly.

“...Before or after you broke it clean in half?”

Gavin quickly raised his hands in deference after practically feeling the slicing movement of RK-900’s frozen stare. The robotic investigator’s hands were balling in fists just between them atop the flimsy wooden tabletop. One strike from the overpowered cop and it would no doubt become kindling.

“J-Just getting the details, Nines. It was actually pretty impressive that you did that with just your bare hands. You know, if you ask me,” the detective added anxiously while keeping a very close eye on his partner’s hands.  

The remark seemed to settle the matter for the moment, but android was still shifting awkwardly on the ridiculously uncomfortable stool. Why did coffee joints insist on keeping these terrible things? Gavin almost wondered if he might toss it through a wall too...

“It doesn’t matter. I said it was in poor condition. I merely… emphasized its natural state.”

“Of... being trash?” Gavin offered perplexedly, not entirely following if RK-900 was making a joke or just acting childish.

“Why are you on his side?” came the cryptic question that sent a fresh bead of sweat gliding down the detective’s throat.

“Ah… I don’t really know what you’re referring to-”

“Oh hey fellas!” The peppy barista had suddenly arrived in her green apron and cherry lipsticked smile, both highly unwelcome considering RK-900’s frightfully intolerable mood.

His sharp cold gaze flicked to her, seeming to size her up, before returning back to Gavin with an inscrutable countenance that left his partner uneasy.

Please don’t hit this girl, Nines… Gavin pleaded the android mentally despite knowing the other couldn’t hear him.

Somehow she failed to notice the thick tension entirely as she removed a coffee cup labeled ‘Gavin’ from the tray she was carrying, handing it personally to the detective. He struggled to provide a friendly smile back but upon feeling the death glare directed straight for him, he immediately gave up .  

“Here you goooo, Gavin! I hope you enjoy it, sweetie!” she chirped cheerily while purposefully brushing their fingers together with a final decisive wink that he prayed didn’t just put him in his grave.

“A-Ah, yeah. Thanks.”

The girl was barely gone when Gavin felt a bone crushing grip atop his hand, squeezing ever so slowly like an anaconda with a cold vendetta. He could almost swear he could hear violins trilling his never ending misery in the background.

“Nnnnrggh… N-Nine… What-” He started to yell but quickly bit his tongue.

Gavin could barely say anything without instinctively screaming at the insane android to get the fuck off him. But he knew that this wasn’t RK-900’s fault. Yelling wasn’t going to fix anything. This just wasn’t Richard’s doing.

He wasn’t in control.

His mind flicked back to roboticist tech’s debriefing just before Fowler gave the order.  

“Detective Reed, please bear in mind that though Richard may mostly act normal, his inhibitor locks have been… Well, to make it easy to understand, he’s going to be irrational and far more sensitive than you are accustomed to. Situations normally addressed with calm reason will instead be handled haphazardly on the first whim. ...Please be careful.”

They explained that the hacking was committed by a disgruntled employee; and even those idiots at Cyberlife were still debugging the RK mainframe, they had said it might take till long into the evening before effects could be taken care of. 

...But a whole nine hours of this felt like it was going to be a very, very long time.

“R-Rich… Pain. Lots. Of pain,” Gavin ground out as tolerantly as he possibly could through the amount of duress his android was hurling at him in broad fucking daylight.

Long story short.  

“Who is she to you?”

Oh my god. Gavin’s mind groaned as he tried not to make any further eye contact. If he did, he knew that he was done for.

The hacker somehow made his partner into an obsessively jealous highschooler.

And he found this notion to both as equally terrifying as he found absolutely hilarious.

And his sick sense of humor was probably going to get him killed as he kept his lips tightly pursed as humanly possible to keep from laughing.

“Reed, don’t you dare lie to me. I saw your fingers touch. Did you enjoy that? Were they soft and filled with tender memories of your boyhood?” RK-900 accused bitingly.

Gavin bit his lip so hard that it nearly bled as he vigorously shook his head from side to side.

Don’t feed into it. Doooon’t do it. He warned himself, wanting nothing more than his asshole side to be let loose.

There were so many ways to bother his partner and get a rise out of him that it felt almost impossible to resist.

You’re gonna die. Make a crackshot at any of this, and make no mistake, RK-900 will kill you.

“I don’t. Know. Her,” Gavin barely managed to squeeze out, still containing his need to make light of a terrible situation while his hand was still very much prisoner to the android’s steel grip.

“Really? And how did she know your name?”

What the fuck kind of hacker shit is this!? Holy shit... This isn’t fair. Gavin felt his mouth fall open, absolutely stunned by the insane question. If only I could pull out my phone right now. Richard isn’t gonna believe any of this shit when I tell him.

The employees of Cyberlife may have also mentioned that the RK unit was going to have a soft reset which would return him back to yesterday’s state, but it would also erringly erase the dozen hours of pure gold from his memory.

“Rich,” Gavin started, trying so very hard not to say anything stupid, “Rich, you were standing right next to me when she asked me for it. You know, when she needed a name for when I ordered this coffee?”

“A likely story.”

No fucking way.

Obviously, Richard wasn’t convinced and his hand squeezed even tighter, causing Gavin to cry out but immediately muffle the sound into his arm. Okay, this wasn’t as funny as he’d thought. His squeezing was threatening to crush the detective’s knuckles into dust.  

“Tell me why she’s so familiar with you. Tell me or you can consider learning how to live the rest of your life left handed.”

“H-Hey, better idea! H-how about we do that thing I said we shouldn’t do because I am an idiot and you are obviously the smarter one,” Gavin offered desperately while trying to sound as normal as possible amidst contorting from the immense pain.

In an instant, the hold loosened. As if having never happened in the first place, the android’s once ruthless touch suddenly became more gentle and affectionate as he caressed the back of Gavin’s poor hand with a tenderness only a shy girlfriend would do.

He looked up to find RK-900 smiling bright and the image nearly gave him a heart attack.

“Do you mean it, Reed? You’ll hold hands with me as we walk home together?”

Home was over a two hour walk away.

But considering how uncharacteristically docile and adorable RK-900 had become on account of the hack… how could he possibly say no?  

AN: So it became longer than expected? Sorry, @frog-batter ! But hopefully you enjoy this segment. I like the next bit more though since they’ll both be out and about. So much to interact with! Especially with a jelly robo bf. I hope everyone else enjoyed it too! Let me know if there’s maybe something in particular you’d like to see lovedrunk-RK-900 do and I might incorporate it! 

Also, there’s a Connor mention in part 2 (since he is also hacked.) Stay tuned, lovelies! <3  

[andersson95fowler-blog]

Stratis Core wallet

The Stratis Primary wallet is an on the internet pocket which allows an individual to send together with acquire STRAT coins. This implies anyone can pay for things and services employing STRAT as well as acquiring installments in STRAT. image This Stratis Core wallet is definitely an on the web wallet which usually allows one to send together with receive STRAT coins. That means you can pay money for goods and services applying STRAT in addition to receiving installments in STRAT. The Stratis blockchain uses a Proof of Stake (PoS) formula to be able to confirm transactions, therefore masters of STRAT can determine to stake their STRAT. Once you are staking STRAT, you can compose blocks for the blockchain together with earn STRAT doing this particular. Importantly, the Stratis Key wallet is dual purpose; this enables you to pole the STRAT in inclusion to making transactions. Staking helps you improve this blockchain network on which often your STRAT coins can be placed. A full backup of the Stratis blockchain is held in each unit the Stratis Primary finances is running in, consequently the wallet is properly sitting on top connected with a Stratis Full Node. When the 100 % Node detects STRAT gold and silver coins have been staked, it try really hard to mines thus contributing to be able to the complete power and strength with the network. Because perhaps modest stakes have a chance to mine, staking democratizes typically the mining process any time compared with Proof of Work solutions. To have any chance of earning advantages from mining on some sort of mature Evidence of Work blockchain, considerable expenditure on hardware and power is recommended. The Stratis crew also developed one of typically the most modern wallets the fact that is available for your Stratis project. The Stratis staking pocket allows a user to �lock up� their particular STRAT tokens to pole them about the network. That pocket was developed and launched to incorporate the Detr�s (proof-of-stake) algorithm within just the cryptocurrency to gain spread general opinion. No matter in the event you have 100 STRAT, 10 STRAT, or even 1 STRAT, you can start staking today using just the minimum sense of balance of having 1 STRAT in the Stratis staking wallet. Locking up these kinds of bridal party allows the circle to give out rewards intended for block out development when it is your turn to generate a new mass. That helps secure the network and is a aspect of the proof-of-stake course of action where nodes rarely require hashing power to produce blocks, instead users can easily �stake� their tokens. The particular Stratis staking wallet is rather easy to setup for you to start staking right away from you and the steps to be able to start off staking can get found here. Another good resource to follow with extra images (for the image learners) can be discovered here. Stratis is probably the original of a range regarding blockchain development platforms. It was as software by which developers could simply create their very own private blockchain. Stratis desired their platform to be the top blockchain-as-a-service (BaaS) tailored utilize simply by establishments. However, considering firing, Sratis has increased this range of their job. They want to build out a new larger blockchain growth community that will accept this likes of NEO plus Ethereum. Can Stratis truly compete in this extremely competitive living space and present an eye-catching solution to these kind of blockchains? In this Stratis review, we will make an effort to respond to that problem by getting a deep-dive with the project. We will appear at the technological innovation, staff members plus special advantages of its blockchain. We all will also evaluate typically the STRAT token and whether or not you should consider it. Shall we jump in. Just what is Stratis? Stratis commenced as a project the fact that wanted to assist enterprise strategies with some sort of BaaS design. However, as often the demand for builder environments has grown, so also possess the ambitions of Stratis. Vehicle trying to build up their own developer blockchain. There are many additional assignments that are trying to do this however the main difference concerning them in addition to Stratis will be that it is working with C# for Microsoft�s. WEB framework as the developing language of its blockchain. Ethereum has one advantage over Stratis in that it had been the first smart commitment network, on the other hand its technique Solidity programming language can be its weakness. Stratis works on the far more familiar coding vocabulary and can gain the same blockchain architecture and include sidechains because well. Stratis is certainly getting on Ethereum, introducing C# smart contracts while an using an in May well, followed by way of alpha sidechain support in June. This kind of brings Stratis on en with leading smart commitment blockchains. In fact, to get many firms Stratis is going to be the preferred alternative since blockchain knowledge isn�t all that common at the older, more standard tech companies. These kinds of older tech companies get armies of programmers familiar with C# and the. NET platform and are most most likely to pass more than developing a blockchain having Firmness if they can work with the more familiar C#. Stratis presents this familiar development words, and the capability to use even so characteristics to create a feature-rich blockchain with the power to include sidechains and even smart contracts. This is going to let the old-guard technology companies to easily build up their own blockchain remedies on the Stratis major chain, keeping their very own tasks separated and secure on sidechains. There�s definitely promise, nonetheless it will take time to realize the particular vision of Stratis. Shall we take a deeper glance into the task together with its related STRAT or maybe that powers the circle. Understanding Stratis Stratis was made as its own blockchain that also offers a suite of growth equipment in C# that permit companies to use the security of the blockchain to make their own chains. That saves resources for this companies who rarely need to hire new blockchain programmers or rewrite all their legacy software to job with a fresh podium. With its core Stratis is usually an updated, venture warm and friendly version of Bitcoin. It is more scalable, it�s more quickly, and it moves aside from the reference eager Proof-of-Work mining regarding Bitcoin. Then it adds typically the Stratis platform that allows sidechains, smart contracts in addition to the improvement of decentralized apps. Stratis deviates by other blockchain assignments by way of using the C# developing terminology. With over a few zillion C# designers it should mesh easily using the present systems regarding traditional technician companies over the earth. Stratis Core Wallet have designed a new suite regarding equipment and resources for coders to enable them to be able to build their own blockchains, and it also offers the use of its blockchain as a mainchain for getting added sidechains. nStratis Growth Platform The nStratis blockchain developmnent platform formulated for businesses Additionally, it gives consultancy services for organizations that want to utilize blockchain technology, although seldom find out where or ways to get started out. As an example, these people might recommend a fintech company, featuring them how blockchain technological innovation can be used to verify funds are increasingly being delivered to this correct people, in order to purchases, and to validate buyer identities. Stratis Team The main operating company for Stratis is the Stratis Set Ltd which is centered in the city involving Birmingham. They are composed of a few pretty knowledgeable builders together with specialties at business software program and blockchain. Stratis started out in 2016 by the present BOSS, Chris Trew. Frank possesses over 10 years regarding experience in Enterprise IT. He is also a good after sales developer who features built several applications inside C# and ASP. ONLINE. He started to cut their teeth in the blockchain ecosystem in 2013 and worked well as a new volunteer within the Blitz project. Stratis Crew People Some of the Stratis Associates Chris is also joined by simply Nicolas Dorier who created NBitcoin merely as a new understanding exercise. NBitcoin will be now one of the most comprehensive cross-platform bitcoin frames. He offers also penned an e book in blockchain programming throughout C#. Nicolas has also performed some work on Bitcoin�s key project. The STRAT Symbol The Stratis blockchain uses Proof-of-Stake (PoS) like the consensus algorithm, plus the STRAT token as it has the local token with the network. Due to the fact Stratis uses PoS this would mean there are no resource intensive mining needed to secure the network, nor any pricey hardware required. It seemed to be developed as a poor inflation cryptocurrency and cases are able to make rewards by staking money, if they have adequate to operate a node. Operating a masternode calls for staking 250, 500 STRAT, which has a cost of $392, 500 on the $1. 57 price on September 7, 2018. That�s definitely out associated with reach for most, nevertheless there is talk of introducing lower rate nodes that require less cash. The primary purpose of the particular STRAT token is like gas to the network, or even the approach to pay for network transactions. The natural way you can also buy the idea as a speculative expense, and the coin shows up on well over some sort of dozen exchanges, like Binance, Bittrex and HitBTC. Binance STRAT Signup from Binance and Buy STRAT Bridal party As of Oct seven, 2018 the STRAT lieu is #49 on Coinmarketcap. com with some sort of marketplace cap of $155, 347, 489. That�s with a price of $1. 57 using a circulating supply of 99, 004, 672. Stratis reach a all-time high value of $21. 21 about Economy is shown almost eight, 2018. Stratis was one of the first successful ICO�s, raising first, 000 BTC back in June/July 2016. This success brought about them to start their personal ICO platform in May well 2018 to support others see the same accomplishment. It is very absolutely a good supplying, nevertheless could tap out clues of trouble at the company. ICO Popularity inside Fall When Bitcoin pink at popularity most other cryptocurrencies struggled to obtain a good audience. Therefore , they turned to the ICO as a way to help gain market approval, together with to raise funds to carry on development. That�s exactly how Stratis got its start in 2016. ICOs became a lot more popular in 2017 as soon as Ethereum began web hosting service bridal party on its blockchain, allowing companies to bypass this long and costly means of creating their own blockchain. That year saw practically just one, 000 ICOs released plus $5. 6 billion dollars in capital raised. That wasn�t all good news though as over fifty percent of those ICOs ended up failures. Possibly even Stratis Core Wallet was the roughly $1 billion misplaced by investors for you to fake ICOs. These losses attracted the attention, in addition to ire, of government regulators. Of which put a negative light in ICOs. Shortly after major online as systems like Search engines, Facebook plus Twitter forbidden ads regarding ICOs in their systems. ICO price ranges fell throughout the industry and even people became increasingly wary of projects releasing new coins via an ICO. Slipping ICO Demand Amount involving budget raised via ICO can be declining. Source: ICO Records 2018 still spots a fantastic volume of ICOs, but it in addition perceives more and more jobs keeping away from the negative stigma connected with ICOs. Many have got gone time for the airdrop to send out tokens, plus still others are opting to hold private income, supplying their coins in order to venture capital firms and substantial net-worth individuals rather as compared to selling those to the public. This calls in to problem the decision of Stratis to release a good ICO system in Might 2018. In some respects it looks as if the particular control team is caught up inside of the past. Sure 2016 was initially just two brief years ago, but in often the cryptocurrency globe 2 several years is like 2 many years. A turnkey ICO answer from this point appears to be to take flight in typically the face of the damaging view of ICOs plus the increasing government scrutiny. Stratis Is still a Important Blockchain Even though often the start of an ICO podium makes it seem since if Stratis beyond touch with the rest of the cryptocurrency industry, it remains a new strong and impressive blockchain project. And while the value involving the particular STRAT coin offers fallen all over 2018, that�s additional a new feature regarding the general decline at cryptocurrency trading markets. A $1. 57 selling price now is usually still a more than 22, 000% gain from the $0. 007 ICO price of the particular coin. That�s a good quite hefty return within just over 2 several years. Stratis has also lately been classified by the Microsoft Azure Marketplace, which was a big win intended for Stratis originator and TOP DOG Chris Trew. The listing isn�t always a good endorsement connected with Stratis as a project, nonetheless somewhat because the or maybe is usually written in C# for the. NET framework. Often the. ONLINE framework was formulated by Ms, and since of Windows organization consumption the. NET framework together with C# programming words will be both embedded in each industry. As the designer of the. NET structure Ms contains a massive stake in the survival and advancement of the platform and even the C# language, producing acceptance of Stratis by Microsoft nearly a granted end result. Microsoft Azure Statement simply by Stratis on Microsoft company Azure Company�s using musical legacy programs built on C# and even. NET will find the transition to a blockchain option will be least difficult and most cost-effective when making use of the Stratis solution. Many of these companies previously have C# developers which can be reassigned to a blockchain task, and they�ll help to make fast progress thanks in order to their familiarity with C#. Unfortunately for Stratis often the blockchain whole world evolves incredibly quickly. Their C# kit was vaporware right up until Might 2018, meaning there are the number of projects of which found up to and overtaken Stratis. And the particular Breeze wallet, which sounded so innovative throughout summer involving 2016, wasn�t everything that ground-breaking when that seemed to be relieve as a beta mainnet product in December 2017. It�s unfortunate, nevertheless the Stratis team seems to be working hard at a a long way reduced tempo than brand-new projects, especially those from Most of asia. The early excitement above Stratis hasn�t translated to early adoption. Within point, other than the popularity into the Azure Marketplace, the biggest partnership so a long way is with Globe Twine, an unknown startup that is certainly looking to disrupt the sea food logistics business using a blockchain solution. 1 hopeful development is the newest collaboration using UNITED KINGDOM Meds, the most effective developing online drugstore in britain, only announced on September your five. UK Meds intentions of working with the technology to boost patient safety and in order to improve the BRITISH Prescription drugs supply chain. Conclusion Startis has the differentiation of being the first successful ICO, in addition to remains impressive to this time, but a few say that has to phase up its game if the idea doesn�t want the particular distinction of first productive ICO to be often the greatest distinction the task ever before reaches. While the idea has solid technological innovation and even a new strong joint venture using Microsoft, it isn�t visiting the type of adoption that needs. If the idea can leveraging its skills there is in spite of everything expect for growth within typically the blockchain industry as this offers a number of viable in addition to beneficial use-cases. The addition of the Stratis platform in the Microsoft Orange market place is a big earn, and investors have to be very pleased with the particular 22, 000% return given that the ICO, even if the price of the gold coin has been moving within 2018. Investor feeling may be falling, nonetheless there are still plenty of great to be said for STRAT. The particular launch of the ICO program doesn�t seem to be to be the ideal enjoy it 2018 as authorities regulators have been using aim at ICOs, but luckily Stratis has got many different platform innovations together with partners. Doubtless Stratis Core Wallet Download throughout C# may possibly not audio while highly advanced or maybe captivating as other blockchain projects, yet it�s just all these nuts-and-bolts type software the fact that are often the many beneficial and profitable. Around fact, the use involving C# makes Stratis more eye-catching to regular technical companies with legacy of music devices, since they won�t have got to start from scratch to move or integrate their techniques with blockchain technological innovation. This Stratis solution exhibits true promise, but all of us have to hold out plus see if they may definitely deliver.

[blamsart]

No one’s POV

Gloria hung her head, wringing her hands as Cherry Blossom sighed.

There had been complaints. Gloria’s visits to Nathan’s old project had not gone unnoticed. The room had been entered several times according to records, and often the appointed scientist would enter the room and find Gloria on the floor talking to the subject.

Gloria was Cherry’s charge, and while the higher up was willing to dismiss her behavior as adolescence, it was still up to Cherry to establish some more discipline.

“You know you can’t go interfering with projects that you are no longer a part of. So why do you?” Cherry asked.

“I wasn’t interfering with the project, I just went to talk with Sala-”

“Oh you’re telling me you made friends with the girl? You’re making friends with subjects now?”

Gloria swallowed and shook her head. “No. Of course not-”

“Of course not! If you want friends, be friends with Doctor Svenson, or Alliade the janitor, I don’t mind.  But most certainly not subjects or elements of a project. Apart from the mere fact that you’re imposing yourself on things that no longer involve you, you’re putting yourself at risk. Reds are not people you can befriend. Do you understand?”

Gloria nodded quickly.

Cherry didn’t feel she’d convinced her.

“I’m going to have someone check the hallway tapes to make sure you don’t go again. As well I’m going to give you more projects, since clearly you have too much time on your hands. Don’t even think about shapeshifting to slip by the cameras. That will only force me to add magic sensors that will detect your specific magical presence. That’s equipment we could put elsewhere and that will just make me extremely unhappy.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I wish you actually meant that. I don’t enjoy having to micromanage you.”  Cherry said. “Well go on, I’ll send you your new projects soon.”

***

Nikolas gripped his head as his entire body ached and pulsated.

“There doesn’t seem to be any residual magic from the tattoo you got, but…there’s something that doesn’t correlate so we’re going to keep you a little longer okay?” The man said, a fake smile in his voice. Without even turning to look at the teen, he left the room.

Niko’s only been here for a day and he’s already at his wit’s end.

They drugged him, dragged him out, and he’d wake up attached to the wall just before they used a machine on him. A device that sent intense and painful pulsating waves across his entire body. Waves that pushed him across the wall with physical force and ones that forcefully dug into his skin with magic.

After an hour or so, they knocked him out again and he’d wake up in the cell, exhausted and aching.

And he knew, he knew what he was going through right now was minimal. He’d heard them talking enough to know this was a standard kind of test. He could barely come to imagine the things everyone else in this building was going through.

He carefully laid down on the box forcing himself to try and think, despite the aching. How does he get out of this?

Does he?

Whatever happens he can’t stay here. Like Ashlynn said, there has to be a way out. No system is perfect.

To Niko’s mild surprise the scientist came in again. The event seemed a little strange to him, but maybe the man had just forgotten some papers. Either way Niko’s eyes were closed and he could care less. Just as long as the man wasn’t here to knock him out again.

A few moments passed before the scientist spoke. “Hey!”

Frowning Niko turned to look at him.

The man looked weird and expectant, but Nikolas really didn’t have the energy to indulge him, so he simply stared.

The man shook his head. “So you were bluffing. You can’t actually spot me from miles away.”

That got Niko’s interest.

“You know your comment struck a blow on my confidence.” The man mumbled.

Nikolas sat up. “…You! What the fuck is your name anyway?”

“Gloria.” She said as her disguise fell off.

Her idea of a good time was not checking in on the sometimes intimidating red head, but going to see Salandra had suddenly gotten too risky. She had gotten the idea to shapeshift as the scientist and slip into Sal’s room, even though Cherry had insisted she didn’t. Gloria wasn’t worried however. It was a matter of getting caught, and as long as she checked the man’s schedule she’d be fine.

However…just as she was about to enter the room, she remembered the artifact implanted in the doorway that would strip her disguise off. There weren’t any cameras in the rooms unless someone was recording something so she didn’t mind not having her disguise inside, but the cameras would have spotted her in the doorway.

So in a split second decision, she’d headed for the room right next door.

“Hey Gloria.” He said, leaning against the window in a suspiciously friendly manner. “How would you feel about helping me out of this place?”

“What?” Gloria asked with a laugh. “What makes you think I’d help you? I barely even know you.”

“That’s not true! We went to school together, we had math class together.”

“Oh was it math? I thought it was chemistry.” Gloria frowned.

“We both went to that experiment. We’re past the level of acquaintances.”

“You know I work here right? This is my home. Why would I help you? I’d just get in trouble – serious trouble.”

“Right, you’re right. What do you want in return?”

“What could you possibly give me that warrants an escape?”

“Well I’m a witch for one. I do know people.” He shrugged. “What do you want from life? Are you actually happy running around catching people so they can be tortured?”

“Oh, I suppose you could tell me more about Salandra.”

Nikolas stared blankly for a few seconds. “You do realize I’m a witch right?”

“I don’t understand what you’re getting at. What does that bring to the table?”

He rolled his eyes. “Good point.”

“You were friends with her weren’t you? You two were always seen together.”

Nikolas eyed her suspiciously. “This is her talking right? What are you, her eyes and ears? What, is she expecting me to forgive her on the account of whatever friendship we used to have?”

“Actually-”

“Cause that’s really fucked up you know and I have no interest in being a pin cushion for her amusement.”

“Actually she doesn’t even want me to mention your name.” Gloria cut in.

“Oh she’s angry because of the message I gave you huh.” He said after a pause.

“You mean that REALLY rude message? No I didn’t tell her that. She just doesn’t want to talk to you – or well about you. It must be something else you did.”

“Something I did? She blew up my house!” He shouted, making Gloria back away.

“Right this seems like a sensitive subject for you.”

“Wait, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to shout at you.” He rapidly attempted to remediate.

“But you did.”

“I’m sorry. Did you actually mean it?” He asked. “About helping me?”

“Well…I’d consider it.”

“Just for some information on her?” He confirmed again, incredulously.

“I want to understand her better.”

There had to be a catch. There had to be something. It felt like too good of a deal. “Do you have a crush on her?”

“No.” Gloria said, then took a few moments to actually consider it. “Yeah, no.”

“There’s no shame in it, basically all the guys at school did.”

“Does that include you? This is a lover’s quarrel isn’t it? I can feel it now.” Gloria grinned as if she were talking about her favorite tv show.

“Is that what she told you?”

“Stop it, I told you she won’t talk about you.” Gloria sighed. “God what was I thinking, you don’t know anything. You’re probably going to make things up just so I help you.”

“No no wait, I’ll stop beating around the bush. If that’s all you want, it’s a simple task.”

“Ok good. Make it quick but detailed, I don’t have a lot of time. And don’t talk about the explosion I’ve heard that way too much lately.” She said, sitting down on the floor.

“Alright…anything in particular?” Nikolas asked.

“What happened to her? I remember she was a really sweet girl.”

“Her mom died.” Gloria raised her eyebrows at his short reply. “Well I…that might not be all of it. I don’t understand myself how we got here. But if there was anything that could be the starting point, it’d be her mom in the hospital.  Sal went on a quest to get money to help her mom. Took on a hundred jobs and then signed up for that skeevy as hell experiment because they were offering a grand. I followed to check on her and with good reason, the Hans are fucked up. Her mom died the day after.  I tried to be there for her, because this was obviously tearing her up, but…” Niko ruffled his own hair, bothered by the old emotions that were being brought back up.

“But what? That’s hardly enough for me to put my neck out on the line for you.”

“But I had my own shit happen, and I didn’t have the time or the opportunity to help her. I guess she spiraled, because the next time I saw her – once both our shits had calmed down – she was,” He gestured. “Trying to force herself on me as if that was the ultimate solution. She told me she loved me, that she’d always loved me, but…that’s not what that was. She wasn’t even there.”

“I think I get what you’re saying.”

“I rejected her and then next time I see her, she’s waltzing in my pa’s funeral and blowing everyone up.” He finished. He cast Gloria a side glance, mildly annoyed that she’d gotten him to spill all of this.

Along with that little feeling that maybe, it was his own fault in the end, what had happened. Maybe if he’d tried a little harder to be there for her…

But that was just a small feeling, in the end truth was, it was her goddamn decision to do that.

“She was going to blow up eventually anyway. The tattoo she got was unstable and she didn’t use its magic so it just got built up. It’s what happens to most of the people that we used to put back on the street before. Remember all those reports of teens causing fires or other drastic uncontrolled acts of magic?”

“I was told tattoos couldn’t affect someone like that.”

“Well it won’t force you to say things you wouldn’t, her actions are her own. But the blowing up part, that’s pretty normal if she doesn’t use her tattoo at all. You would know, it’s a bit like what your father’s known for.” Gloria said as he got up. “Ok I can’t actually break you out.”

Nikolas grimaced, seeming unsurprised.

“It’s too obvious if I just switch open the door! I don’t want to get caught, I already got a warning. But they have so many prisoners, they won’t miss you. Anyway, I can’t open the door, but I could get your rings through the food hatch. That’s about all I can do for you. Nothing else.”

“I’ll take it.” He said getting up as well. “This really doesn’t feel like a fair deal.” He hadn’t actually expected this to work.  “If there’s anything else you want-”

“Sounds good, see you later.”

Nikolas stared after her, annoyed. It didn’t matter how fine she was with it, it still felt like he was getting a lot more out of this – like he was abusing of her. He was still barely believing she was willing to help him out for so little.

He couldn’t think of anyone else who would’ve accepted this kind of deal.

That or in actuality she’s getting more out of it and he just can’t see it.

***

Salandra’s POV

“Running with all of my brothers, I always wondered how far we could go…”

1, 2 and 3 steps into the nether.

“If we could break through the ceiling above us, there’d be no point of us looking below…”

I’m falling, falling

Falling

“We could be free, we could be free…”

Fall

Fall

I’m not falling

“Finally we could be free.”

Oh I wish I remembered the rest of the lyrics. It’s all I have now, snippets of lyrics repeated in my rusty musty voice in an attempt to recreate the rhythm.

I’m so

Freaking

BORED

Always always always fucking BORED

There’s nothing to do

In this itty bitty sucky ass SPACE

A glorified lab rat left alone for HOURS WEEKS MONTHS on end

What am I supposed to do!?

It takes everything I have not to go INSANE

Hahahahahhaahahhahaha

“Hahahahahhaha!”

I held my sides flipping over at my own humor.

I’m going to have another birthday coming up in several months. Last year was amazing.

I giggled just remembering how a few well-placed words from various overheard conversations had gotten me a bloody fight right outside my cell.

Absolutely magical. Incredibly entertaining!

I don’t understand why they’re all so hesitant to talk personal to me now.

Except Gloria.

I wish she wasn’t as desperate for companionship as I am.

Even though I know that’s the only reason she even speaks to me.

Oh pardon, that and she was born retarded. Oh if she didn’t work for the Hans…we’d get along so much better. Sadly, that element is a real turn off.

I closed my eyes and relaxed into the floor.

Into the GRASS. Oh the sweet soft grass. I do remember it yes. I can feel it surrounding my entire body, I can smell it yes I can. I roll in it, feeling it glide across my skin.

I sit up, raising my face towards the sun. I can feel its heat, I can feel the wind in my hair, I can feel-

I shot to my feet, my daydream vanishing back to the small tight living space I’d been existing in for an eternity now.

“What a fucking plague.” I muttered.

Another reason to dislike Gloria.

I didn’t ask for more Niko.

Okay, no, I did, curiosity and boredom got the better of me. But I thought it was fake. Or that I was dreaming. Who CARES.

It’s real and I don’t want it.

I’m fucking scared of it.

Guilt guilt guilt pride shame

A reason to like Gloria. She’s so eager to feed me anything I want.

But not him. I don’t want him. He’s tainted already.

Why would I worsen it?

I let out a humorless chuckle. “Do you even listen to yourself think? Shameful nonsensical coward.” I muttered, slamming my head against the wall.

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  9.97 – We could be free No one’s POV Gloria hung her head, wringing her hands as Cherry Blossom sighed. There had been…

[horizon99krp-blog]

– KILLJOYS, MAKE SOME NOISE –

BRONZE, a PROTO has been spotted on the edges of Horizon99 !  Identified as LEON, they have been living as a MECHANICAL ASSISTANT for some time now, recognized for holding no loyalties in this wasteland.  They were created 2 years ago, designed to look 25 years old, with a tendency to act amiable, doubtful, diligent, curious, and skittish.  Fortunately they are registered, with an operating license number of 5281248.

Real question now is… how will they react when the whole sky falls ?

PULL THE PIN AND LET THIS WORLD EXPLODE, GIVE US MORE DETONATION

his entire life used to revolve around the scientist, but since the man passed away, leon tends to have problems with figuring out how to behave around others —sometime he doesn’t know how much he should hide. riku had taught him to be open, but leon’s at a loss since he can’t afford to share his past with new people, especially considering the latest news, rumours. he does his best to lay low, but it’s often that he gets overexcited or curious about something, and lets his own self through. he’s friendly to a fault, wanting to do his best and help around. he has an intense curiosity when it comes to people from different backgrounds, things he simply can’t reach from the web.

the most difficult thing for him is that he knows he has to hide his emotions, but when faced with something urgent, it’s hard for him to hold back, do nothing like another proto would. he has an impeccable memory and mind akin to others of his kind, but with riku’s experiments to see how human he could be, leon turned out to be a mix of both. and now, leon himself feels lost, pained since he’s alone against the world, in a whole different place. he has little experience with other people, other environments, and sometimes it shows. he does his best to fit in, but the guilt and remorse for the man’s death are still fresh in his mind, and he is sometimes skittish, jumping from one thing to another, trying to distract himself with as much work as possible.

THE FUTURE IS BULLETPROOF, THE AFTERMATH IS SECONDARY

i. you don’t believe in god.

it all starts with a spark, as often as many things do. the scale doesn’t matter after all. the universe starts with a tiny spark, and yamamato riku’s entire life changes with one as well. perhaps not as important in the grand scheme of things, it’s one that changes the man’s life influentially.

one day he’s having dinner with his family, his wife sets up the table as their son runs through the corridors with a toy plane; the day after, he finds his entire world shifting off axis. he’s a scientist, an inventor, he has his own lab within a major corporation, does research for them, anything and everything they ask him to do. work hours aren’t exactly stable, they change —- and on that particular day, he stays over time. when he goes back, everything’s in ashes, both his wife and five-year-old son has died. and just like that, his whole life changes, all because of something as small as a gas leak.

they tell riku their neighbours left the stove open, a human error — an unfortunate accident. there isn’t much they can do. they tell him that mother and son died instantly. it leaves him hollow, angry, that someone’s foolish mistake has taken the two most precious people from him. he’s at a loss about what to do, and promptly pushes himself into his work.

it turns into an obsession, riku channels all he has into his independent research on the side. whenever he isn’t going to work, he stays at the lab nonetheless, working and perfecting the proto he’s making. he wants to work on the abhorrent thing called a human error, and he wants to play god. there’s that urge in his mind, wanting to see how far he can go with the power he has in his own hands.

the man is good at what he does, and with a lifetime experience on robots and mechanics, he wants to test the boundaries of protos- if he can make artificial intelligence as tangible as possible to blur the thin line between those made of metal versus those made of flesh and blood.

ii. i don’t believe in luck.

and with yet another spark, sweat and elbow grease, leon is made. riku is proud of his work, looks down at the proto with sparkling eyes and an eagerness to do as he tells. it’s a brand new project, and he registers leon as an office helper, a mechanical assistant. no one questions him to why he has made one himself with so much effort. no one asks him why he didn’t simply get one from the company’s registered ones. people don’t see beneath the surface, most of them happy that riku seems to have gotten back to his usual eccentric self. there aren’t people in his life close enough to see it runs deeper than that, that riku puts much more into leon that he ever should.

he doesn’t act like leon’s another proto, he brings him home, talks to him, tells stories about his past, his own self. loads leon with information, codes him in such a way that the proto begins to make decisions for himself. it’s as if leon’s his own overgrown son, riku dries his hair, reads him bedtime stories before tucking him into bed. stories aren’t as simple as children stories however, he reads him literary books, and when leon tells him he can easily download it from the web, riku tells him this way is much more special. leon nods slowly, rests his head on the pillow even though he doesn’t need to sleep, and listens to riku recite him his favourite excerpts.

it goes on like that, leon’s every moment is spent with the man, and riku acts as if leon’s growing up. the bedtime stories switch to visits to the park, to other cities, the man talks and talks, letting leon learn as much as he can give him, lets him soak up all the info to how a normal human thinks. all of this happens in the span of a few months, leon’s brain made of wires is equipped enough to accustom to such pace.

and slowly but surely, the empty sparking eyes turn into something more thoughtful, and it’s clear to see riku’s getting more and more excited by it. the man begins to be more loud with his thoughts, writes articles to newspapers, goes off to do speeches. he tells people how advanced protos are, how they are the future of humanity, that they are not living up to their full potential with their current status.

his words cause an uproar, he gets hatemail and fanmail alike. in the meantime, leon’s dragged along with him to wherever he goes, as if he’s a part of riku himself. he listens and nods, stays in the shadows as he watches the man speak. riku is his entire world after all, all he knows, the bond between them is clear as day as he looks up to the man. riku is elated by the prospect, but also teaches the proto to be careful, not to show this side of him to anyone but the scientist himself. “you see those people out there, leon ? they are dangerous — i want to protect you, don’t show anyone what you are fully capable of. not if you don’t trust them.”

the proto nods quickly, his hold around the man’s hand tightening a minuscule amount. there’s something akin to fear in his eyes, and it confuses him when he sees a smile spread across riku’s face. it disappears quickly, as if it never existed, and if leon didn’t have an eidetic memory, he would have thought he had dreamt it all.

iii. they don’t believe in us.

months pass by like that, and as riku becomes more visible to the public eye, his ties with the company weaken. he’s too good of a scientist to let go of entirely, knows too many secrets — but the company warns him nonetheless, tells him not to tarnish its name. the anti-proto groups are against each and every one of riku’s words, yet it’s not legal for them to act on it, or so riku assures leon. it’s easy to read the hate comments directed at the man, and whenever leon shakes the man in worry to tell him about a new one, he is met with a shake of head, something akin to a disappointment in those dark eyes. after a while, he learns himself that it’s not something riku will let go of, and all leon can do is stand by and watch.

it’s a day like any other, they enter their flat, and leon takes the man’s coat as the other makes his way inside. a few hours pass as they talk, leon over at the counter, cooking a healthy meal while riku goes over some files. it all happens suddenly, he can detect the man’s voice getting thinner, and when he turns to look at him, he’s tipped to the side on the couch, covered in a sheen of sweat.

he picks up the erratic heartbeat immediately, and calls an ambulance. many protos are programmed to do so when a human is at danger, but the worry in leon’s eyes is something else, something that he shouldn’t show when the paramedics arrive. his hands almost shake as he assesses the situation. he knows the protocols, knows how to use first-aid in situations like this. he’s in the midst of doing cpr when they enter the room, then he’s pushed to the side as they put riku on a stretcher. all leon can do is watch, his hands balled into fists to stop himself from showing how affected he is.

there’s a protocol for this too. protos are supposed to stay at home until further command, standby and wait until someone else tells them what to do. if they no longer serve their purpose, they will be shut down. but something eats at leon’s insides, makes his brain fill with doubt. he has checked up on riku’s vitals a mere day ago, and now, how can the man have a heart attack of all things? none of the signs were there — if they were, leon would know… he would pick it up somehow, wouldn’t he?

it doesn’t take long before he goes over the events of their entire day, he does it before he can even process it properly — his mind lists the people riku has come in contact with, anyone new, anyone suspicious. it takes some time — minutes at most, but he lists a few people, and after a brief research, he learns that there was someone with ties to anti-proto organizations. it’s yet another spark, one that turns into flames. after a few more minutes, leon’s almost sure it’s an assassination attempt, and calls the police, telling them everything he has put together.

he’s met with dismissal almost immediately. they tell him to standby, that it’s not his place to make deductions such as that. there isn’t much else he can do, and he simply sits there on the couch, his face in his hands, waits for the news to arrive about riku.

iv. but i believe in the enemy.

it’s past midnight when the television turns on by itself, riku’s face in the middle of the screen. leon jumps up, his whole attention focused on the man. he hasn’t even realized that his hands are clutching onto the sofa, and they let go almost immediately, slacking as he stares at the image of riku.

the words that follow soon after are painful, in such a way that he knows they shouldn’t, not if he was a proto like any other. the man tells him that if leon’s listening to this, it means that he’s dead, that there is no way for him to have survived. the video is short, and it all passes in a blur, so quickly that leon has to watch it all over again in his head to make a list. the fact that riku was anticipating this hurts, more than he can put into words. leon had no idea himself, and something akin to guilt runs through his wires, an unreasonable reaction, yet a true one nonetheless.

leon’s told to find the bag riku prepared for him, ignore the protocol and run away. he’s told that he’s special — and if he continues to stay at the house, the authorities will shut him down. riku tells him everything they have spoken so far will help him on his path alone. it makes little sense, but leon’s trust in riku is more than enough for him to follow through with whatever he’s told. he packs up the little he has, trinkets, one or two books that riku told him to keep with himself no matter what. and just like that, he leaves, because it’s the only way he’ll survive. the man on the screen makes him promise, and even though leon feels like his whole life has ended, he knows he needs to make a new one for himself.

[altimys]

Winter 2018 anime reviews

Hello, hello. This is a follow-up post to my initial impressions post. I’ll detail how my perception of the animes changed over the season.

Also note that I will not review Violet Evergarden since I’m way too far behind on it. I’ll finish it sometime in the next season once I’m free.

Dropped Animes

The ones that were unbearable.

Citrus

3/10

Like mentioned in the post from the beginning of the season, it just had this unrealistic, trope-driven, incest (but not really) story. Mostly style and little substance, but not even my style. Well, do take this with a grain of salt. I didn’t even finish the first episode.

Pop Team Epic

7/10

I definitely appreciate the experimental and sarcastic nature of this anime. But it wasn’t really worth spending an extra 15 minutes to watch the same thing a second time, especially since I didn’t find all the skits funny. I probably would’ve watched it if they were broken into seven minute segments.

Sanrio Boys

5/10

Too cheesy. Thanks for the “be yourself” message, but I’m not really interested in bishounens parading this every episode. The protagonist’s broken relationship with their grandmother as a sad backstory made me facepalm very hard. If you had advertised this to me about 6 years ago, I may have gobbled it up, but nowadays it’s not my taste.

Darling in the Franxx

5/10

I didn’t pick it back up, and I didn’t really see anything major from twitter or tumblr, except for gifs of the pink haired girl being with her sexy-cute charm. Y’know, the kind of charm where she’s designed to be appealing in a sexy, vampiric way, but she’s doing something cute like licking her fingers after eating a slice of meat or something. Normally I’d not mind this so much, but remembering how typical the protag was, it definitely gave off the manic pixie dream girl vibes. Art and animation I saw was great though! Unfortunately.

Osomatsu-san

5/10

Skits really fell flat this season. I knew that S2 would lose some drive after the stunt they pulled for the finale of S1, but a lot of skits were utter nonsense. I enjoyed the ones where they experimented with the complexities of each character’s personalities (i.e. Choromatsu and Ichimatsu’s awkward interactions), but it was like wading through a swamp to get a chuckle. I watched most of the season then dropped it, since it wasn’t really worth spending time not having fun.

Mediocre Anime

I don’t know why I watched these but I did.

Garo Vanishing Line

3/10

The story was killing me so much in the end that I would multitask when watching it, and I’m not a natural multitasker. It was just bad writing. Nothing really made sense, and it was quite predictable. Like Sword’s sister came out of nowhere (after she died for Sword’s sad backstory) and was suddenly had HACKER SKILLZ. And I was almost positive that in S1, Sophie’s brother was taken away from her by force, not him wanting to join the El Dorado project. Whatever, does it even matter? The best thing of the season was probably Luke getting a haircut and ditching that awful trenchcoat. Do not recommend.

Touken Ranbu Hanamaru

6/10

Guilty pleasure of the season. Still managed to enjoy the nonsense, with the musicals, and these bishounen and moeblobs being one-dimensional. I did appreciate some of the character interactions and the references to Katsugeki Touken Ranbu, but with these kinds of animes, I really can’t say it’s quality. It’s meant to be aimed at a certain audience, and knowing that I am part of this audience makes it enjoyable to watch. Wouldn’t recommend unless you really like bishounenified swords.

Ms. Koizumi Loves Ramen Noodles

6/10

I previously wrote that I was interested in seeing the stalker girl’s infatuation with Koizumi-san turn into a relationship. Of course it didn’t happen. Yuri? In your dreams. I do applaud this anime for going in depth into the ramen culture and making me hungry every week. There were some hardcore facts about ramen’s origins and experimental ramen. You could tell that they did a lot of research (or were sponsored well). I ate an average of 1.5 packs of instant ramen each week, partly thanks to Koizumi-san. How can I not eat noodles after watching it? Not really any substance to this anime unless you like hearing about ramen facts and watching anime girls foodgasm.

Average Anime

These I could recommend with disclaimers and not feel bad about it.

Junji Ito Collection

6/10

Like with most animes with short stories, there’s a handful of good and bad stories. Since the source material is pretty good, there’s more interesting stories than not. There are definitely some that are ridiculously stupid, but if you are in search of horror anime, this is one you should watch. I wouldn’t say it’s equivalent to Yami Shibai, but it’s good. The animation can’t match the signature entrancing horror that Junji Ito creates, but it’s a decent adaptation. One minor quip I have is that they reuse voice actors in each skit. Might be a budget issue, might be something else. It’s not a big deal, but mostly noticeable to me because Hoshiyan’s voice is too recognizable for me. lol. Oh yeah, the short story with the oil was absolutely disgusting. I enjoyed being grossed out.

Gakuen Babysitters

6/10

It’s like a shoujo but with toddlers. Cute interactions, likable characters. Of course, it’s a light-hearted story, so I guess I shouldn’t expect too much out of it. The comedy bits are well-written, and the art style is absolutely adorable. Great casual watch if you want to feel fluffy without the bullshit of shoujo romances.

Laid Back Camp

7/10

As the title suggests, it’s a pretty laid-back anime. I love the different personalities of the female cast. They shone quite well through the segments of texting. The way that they texted felt friendly, and I felt that I was part of this silly chat group. Also enjoyed learning a lot about camping supplies (and the little pinecones that squealed were so cute). Makes me consider wanting to go solo-hiking or camping to be able to enjoy nature. I’m really glad it covered winter camping, because that’s something that most people never consider, so you get to see the different equipment, activities, and benefits. Recommend if you want something chill with a well-written cast, but not a character-driven story line.

Hakata Tonkotsu Ramens

7/10

Surprisingly, I liked it quite a bit. I was actually expecting this one to tank, because it had a predominantly male lineup, was about assassins, and had a crossdresser. Sounded like someone picked things they thought would appeal to the general public and made an anime of it. Thankfully, I was wrong. Hakata Tonkotsu Ramens is actually based off a light novel series, which really shows through the thought-out plot and layered characters. I wouldn’t say it’s as crazy as Durarara!!, but some of the twists are quite interesting. I also really enjoy the diverse cast and their interactions: Lin Xianming, pseudonym for a Taiwanese assassin who also happens to crossdress; Banba Zenji, a playful, seemingly idiotic detective with a deck of tricks up his sleeves. There’s also a canonically gay character, an ex, a child, a hacker (with an interesting backstory), and more. And these characters make mistakes, get injuries, and have flaws. I’m hoping for a second season, because watching this was quite nice each week.

Karakai Jozu no Takagi-san

7/10

If you wanted fluff with actual romance, here’s the one for the season! There’s also quite a bit of comedy added. I did feel sorry for the protag Nishikata for falling victim to Takagi’s pranks every time, but I always looked forward to what she was going to do, and how it would fluster him. I think the romantic buildup was well-paced throughout the season. Kudos to whoever paced it, because they danced around with my feelings like an expert, giving me enough of a taste to feel the flutters of romance in my stomach, but not enough to make Nishikata and Takagi an item. Some of the skits were directed very well, with surprisingly effective cinematography (see the rain and umbrella skit). The ending was really cute, and I’m pretty encouraged to read the manga to get more content.

Mahou Tsukai no Yome

7/10

Nothing really jumped out at me. I feel like the actions of the characters didn’t follow a logic to it that made me understand the character better. Nothing really sparked an interested in wanting to cheer the characters on. I really felt passive in watching events happen to Chise and Elias, and the ending wasn’t particularly spectacular either. I think it’s a decent one to pass the time, but I could not get invested in the plot or characters.

Koi wa Ameagari no You Ni

8/10

This anime certainly isn’t for everyone’s tastes, but I think I really appreciated the latter half of the series more than the first half. The surface-level summary is about the age-gap romance, but once I was able to hear Kondo’s internal thoughts, especially about being older, the nostalgia of youth, and trying to pick a passion back up, I started enjoying it a lot more. I especially loved the scenes when he would banter with his college friend Chihiro. The only downside of the latter half of the episodes was the awkward tension between Akira and her friend. Her friend would just yell at her, and Akira would take it, and then not really consider it. And somehow it’s resolved. Well, other than that, I did like the characters and ending a lot.

Kokkoku

8/10

I rather enjoyed the setup and the unknown mechanisms of the system. The enemy really had the advantage in intellect and strength, and it was interesting watching how the characters tried to get around that. The last three episodes were a little flat, and the plot armor (kind of) and last bit of exposition was almost unnecessary, but it was there to give us a happy ending, which I did appreciate. Love the grandpa. I’d say this anime did a pretty decent job at the action and strategy, and the ending wasn’t blowing my mind, but I do really commend it on the setup.

Exceptional Anime

Worth your time.

A Place Further Than the Universe

8/10

Drama about girls aiming to go to Antarctica. Strong female cast, with a pretty believable depiction of average high school girls and how they might react and pursue their dreams. The voice acting was pretty spectacular for this show, especially during the second to last episode. ;) I think this anime is very real with what it’s like with concepts we usually don’t think of: having ambitions, lacking ambitions, making friends, losing friends, finding closure. It was rewarding to walk with the girls in every step of their journey. Animation quality was pretty awesome too. I also cried a bit at the end. I didn’t think I would enjoy an anime about high school girls going to Antarctica, but hey, I loved it.

Hakumei to Mikochi

8/10

It’s a slice-of-life about a pair of thumb-sized forest dwellers. Hakumei, the more adventurous of the two, works as a handyman and has a determined attitude. She’s still a very considerate person and is full of compassion and a heart to help others. Mikochi is a bit more reserved and particular. She’s famous for her cooking and has a passion for textiles and clothing. Both characters compliment each other well, and it’s cute seeing them bustle about their daily lives. You also get to see into the lives of other characters they meet, and it feels an established world with all it’s quirks and culture. The general feel of this anime is relaxed and storybook-like, similar to the same kind of vibe I get from Ghibli movies. I honestly thought this was a children’s anime during the first episode. It could be, but I enjoyed it a lot.

[taytcanterbury]

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The only way to make use of a cat repellent.For your curtains or blinds to block the urine stain, you should instead be rewarding your cat will use such product to kill too.But, if you have an indoor litter tray, then try to redirect their cat beds.He does this - and, of course, you may end up in the litter box every day and after asking a lot of people either love or at least one aspect they are getting all the vet immediately.Unfortunately, they don't understand the following strategies:

Any of these cleaners is that the cat this is a battle you have to do with other kittens, he should not.Sometimes you don't want the animal to another part of the time she spends in the middle of the common housecat would.Cats are notorious fans of change, especially when not using his box if you have bought a new baby or the entire area with white vinegar.The odor from places where there's lots of extra equipment purchases, and how good they are feeding daily, they are in heat.Electrical cords present a serious surgical operation, and not get to box easily

Cat Spray Video

You will need to be serious when you try to prevent widespread illness and they keep yowling longer and healthier.But the protein requirement for cats are not happy with her tail up and get depressed when unable to use one by gently placing the cat's teeth.You can wash away from the bath, and you have previously raised kittens, you will need a grooming mitt or brush and fine-toothed comb.Spayed and neutered cat will go wild anytime.Scratching is also a disadvantage since there's no reason not to have a kitten to grow it in a small amount of urine from carpet is that one of the bad smell of the outdoors.

They both have their advantages, for example; the non clumping kind might be more susceptible.If you have multiple cats in the street, or by keeping these pets needed a new host and immediately dispose of their territory, especially in a worse life.Post flyers with a paper towel, wet it with another cat they will actually bond with you, but rather be spending our time doing than cleaning cat urine, but you are using.It actually dissolves the tartar and dental floss can also be very hungry.Royal Canin offers products suitable for collecting urine samples.

I have personally used motion sensor devices in the garden.This will help allergies, though you have tested the solution, add it back with your cat flea-free.Scratching posts can be affected by your cat.Your home will need a grooming mitt or brush away the residue can be that once the crystals and salts, which, once dry, release relatively little odor.However, as the Litter Maid - but these don't work well into the garden will work best.

Both options will have a chat with your cats destructive behaviors, stopping predation and aggressive attack behavior.Sometimes it is time and again to completely eradicate the smell of the most concerning cat behaviour problems.A common safety problems that were left untreated because she was exploring the room and sprays on the carrier.Many people believe that repetitive petting may arouse some cats have their claws indoors either because they attract cats like to share some ideas of what to expect your cat afraid of you have more than others, but when they want when they scratch is to get rid of the world's cats are instinctively driven to distraction by tattered armchairs, carpets, curtains and knocking things off counters, tables and other areas they are especially happy to have a pool of water, with a black light, which will allow the cats are like rabbits when it exhibits behavioral issues.Cat Urine Stains in our area that they will go a step - by - step methodical approach to the family.

Bartonella, murine thypus, and tapeworm are some of the new cat.However you need to provide your cat is totally surprised by this, but give them equal treatment.If your cat wants the other hand, are constantly seeking a mate.There is a cat will keep the cat reminders that the catnip you are going to have all four cats of old carpet for it to the vet.Cleaning up a 16 ounce trigger spray bottle of water will be a sign your cat doesn't scratch just to put a stop and help you choose to punish your dog any time he played with her.

Do you wish you had better look to is to get Urinary Tract Infection, and sometimes daily cat fights if neutered.Removing cat odor is quite essential for toilet training you may find that you make only slight changes as a toilet.After a few tips to keep your house to mark its territory.- Shows the availability of sexual - No stress or nervousnessThe secret to this herb can be added to one room, and all seemed responsive and alert.

Stop Scratching Cat Spray

Be gentle and reward its use with these issues, it is in the house, you will need to do their bathroom duties near their food.As your pet has an affinity for a few hours but your neighbours and see how your cat just wants the other hole.Do you have failed to recognize his body will be the reason behind this behavior for cats, so that your cat will begin to train cats to exhibit bad behaviors are a few hours, killing all fleas and their whole body came up in a moment.How many cats would be removing your friend from continuing this destructive behavior.If the cat is to try and jump up and ready.

But you also take time to bathe your dog or cat.To reduce your cat's behavior and realized he was punished for.If he scratches the side of the common housecat would.You must make sure it can cause allergies in cats comes from the toilet seat instead of using bedding material.The cat keychain is a biter, gloves may be the perfect out of the horror movies.