#makes me realize how our friendship is on the back burner it seems

[eatingfood]

*

[mayhem-neverending]

The Big Bad Wolf

Part XX

Word count: 1,293

Warnings: none

Notes: This is a short little bit I just wrote while the class is watching a movie. Unedited. Enjoy :)

You were in heaven for the next 15 minutes. Obito's warmth and rich musk enveloped you like a weighted blanket, pulling you deeper and deeper into divine comfort as your breathing slowed and matched each other's. That was, until a burning smell wafted to your nose. 

Your brows crinkled, then you realized, “Oh shit, the eggs!”

You stumbled out of his arms and ran into the kitchen, yanking the pan off the gas burner and turning it off. The blackened eggs smoked and the smell assaulted your nose. You took the pan out the back door and dumped it in the snow. 

Obito opened the kitchen window as you were walking back in. An amused smile played on his lips when you made eye contact with him before he walked across his cottage to open the front window as well.

You shared that smile and said, “Whoops,” with a shrug. 

He playfully rolled his eyes. You shook your head at yourself while turning on the tap to wash off the pan. You scrubbed the charred bits of egg off and looked up at Obito who came to stand in his usual spot against the counter. 

“Something about smelling burnt egg has really done wonders for my appetite,” he drawled, a teasing look pointed at you. 

You gave his side a light shove and he chuckled at you, not having budged an inch. “You're awful,”

“Not as awful as the breakfast you were trying to serve me,” 

“Oh shut it,” You grinned, putting the now clean pan on the drying rack. 

“I suppose I should actually make you something now. Maybe we should stick with toast, though,” 

“Hmm, that may be for the best,” 

You rolled your eyes at him and pulled the new loaf of bread from the cabinet. He watched with his arms across his chest, leaning lazily against the counter. The way his shirt pulled against his biceps caught your eye, and you had to force yourself to look away. 

“Are you up to train today?” He asked out of the blue. 

You looked down at your sweater and jeans and back at him. “Don't think I'm appropriately dressed for that,” 

He hummed. You continued, “Besides, I have laundry, cooking, sweeping, and all that to do today. I have to catch up from our mission,” 

He looked like he wanted to roll his eyes. “Fine. How's Hikaru?”

You smiled and took a sip out of the coffee He had given you earlier. “He's good. He was so excited to see me,” 

You huffed a laugh. “Kakashi got him a matching Hokage robe. He wore it around the house all day when we were home together,”

He quirked a brow but quickly lowered it. “I'm glad he's doing well. It must have been hard for him to be without you,”

You nodded. “All’s well now. Hopefully there won't be any more big adventures for me for a long while,”

“I think I can agree with that,” 

The toast popped up and you quickly spread butter and jam over them. You handed them over to Obito on a plate and grabbed a broom. He sat down at the table while you got to work. 

The entire time Obito wasn't too far. He seemed to find himself near the same places you were working in throughout the day. You couldn't help but notice it, and while you worked quietly, you thought about how lovely it was to be held by him. His proximity didn't help, and you could feel your body, your energy, being tugged towards him wherever you were. You wondered if he felt the same. 

It had been some time since you were held by a man. More time since you were help by a man that you wanted to be around, so you figured the pull must be because of that. A need needed to be filled, and he was an attractive man, whom you enjoyed spending time with, that was happy to do it. You definitely didn't like him more than you were supposed to. 

The line between caretaker and friend had already been crossed. You could reel yourself in before it went further than friendship. Self restraint was one of your stronger qualities. No matter how much your heart fluttered, or how strong your desire to climb onto his lap became, you could handle yourself. 

The day was coming to an end and you were dusting around the fireplace - the warmth of the blaze sinking into your skin in the most welcoming way. Behind you Obito was lounging on the couch, his legs spread and a book that he was reading in between glances at you in his hand. 

You could feel his hot gaze on you like electricity; jolting you wherever it landed. For a moment you thought he might even be using his chakra to reach out to you, but your signatures only intermingled at the edges when you checked. Glancing back, you saw his eyes on the pages of his book. 

He looked so good like that, with the warm light of the fire flickering across his face, his dark eyes catching the glow. His one arm across the back of the couch, the material doing little to hide the tone of his muscles, and his sweatpant clad legs, sitting open and just inviting you to take a seat. The urge to straddle him and rip the book out of his hands was so startlingly strong that you fumbled the duster and dropped it on the floor.

You cleared your throat with wide eyes, facing away from him while you picked it up. A voice in your brain told you to walk away to take a moment, so you headed for the linen closet in the hallway. You could feel his eyes on you until you disappeared.

While putting the duster away, you took a deep breath. You looked back in his direction and pressed a hand to your cheek, feeling the heat of it. You reminded yourself that those thoughts were absolutely inappropriate, and decided it was close enough to five that you could probably just leave and rid yourself of your indecent thoughts away from him. 

“Hey, I'm going to go ahead and head out,” You called to him, walking to the kitchen table to grab your bag. 

“Oh, that time already?” He sounded disappointed. 

“Uh, yeah. I'll see you in the morning,” You put on your coat and slung your bag over your shoulder. 

“Okay, have a good night,” he said, watching you from the couch. 

“You too,” opening the door, you waved to him and headed out. 

You visited Hina on the way back. She was doing surprisingly well. It seemed that having Toji and her grandma's help was really good for her depression. She was already taking to motherhood well. 

On your way out, Genma was coming in for his shift. He stopped you near the barrier. 

“Hey, how's it going?” He asked with a smile.

“Good, you?”

“Good. I was wondering, since you weren't able to come to my birthday, would you come out with me this Friday for a few drinks?”

You thought for a moment. It would be nice of you to go, and you probably deserved to relax after the recent stress. Plus, you hadn't been able to properly catch up with him since coming back. 

“I'll see if Toma will take Hikaru and let you know?”

He grinned and readjusted the strap of his backpack. “Awesome. Okay, I hope he does,”

“Me too,” You replied back genuinely. 

“Cool. I'll see you later,” 

“You too.” You waved as the two of you parted and headed to the daycare distractedly, more than a few things clouding your mind. 

Part XXI

Taglist: @mostlyunsure, @humongousdreamlandbear, @ichaichahatake, @mandy-yeager, @detectivestucks, @faces-ofvenus

[qafi]

Jupiter at 3.33 am thoughts under the cut. iykyky, tgwgigi

I so very much want to construct a cohesive essay but I fear my rambling heart may make that impossible. I would like to begin with appropriate and necessary accolades, as this author is a god among men and this story, like all of theirs, is gorgeous, with rich prose and imagery and monologue, addictive dialogue, brilliant pacing and cohesion. They wring out every drop of a scene, and have an almost succulent way of weaving in exposition, they don’t reveal details about the plot until the very last moment they possibly can. It builds beautiful suspense.

In the following paragraphs, I would like to identify the descriptive techniques present in silent scenes in this text, how they work so well, and my thoughts on the piece as a whole.

I do highly recommend you read the above fanfiction in its completion, however, just to add some background for the sake of structure: Jupiter at 3.33 a.m. is about Tsukishima moving across the world and completely losing contact with Yamaguchi for two years, and then moving back.

In the first chapter, we are introduced to Yamaguchi’s listlessness. Plentiful words are used to describe the koi pond he frequents, how sitting there is his favorite place even if it still makes his bag slide down (revealing a kind of resignation and surrender to this character). I want to talk about the amount of time spent describing this koi pond.

The fact that Yamaguchi actually has the time and concentration to focus so religiously on what is essentially a couple of fish, sub-textually shows us something important, which is, he doesn’t have much going on in his life. The fact that he has only seen fifteen percent of the campus also indicates he is leading a life that is unfulfilled in some way. As the reader, you don’t start to realize this until somewhere around the third paragraph, because this author avoids telling you how this character is and rather lets you feel it.

(As an aside, the way this campus is described, with rolling grass courtyard and climbing ivy, is more akin to American or European universities— Japan is not as keen on lawn culture, as it monopolizes valuable real estate. Not a detracting factor at all, but it makes me wonder if the author wrote this while looking over at their own university, and how much reference to their real life it holds.)

He has no idea what to do with himself. People have to force him to join a club, or work on his resume. This makes a lot of sense when you consider how codependent their relationship can seem in canon. His favorite spot being a place that makes his backpack slide down is a crucial detail, because it shows us that Yamaguchi can be content with something that does not accommodate him. It is foreshadowing for all the negative qualities he overlooks with Tsukishima.

To create such a vivid scene, the verbs used are enticing. Instead of saying, this moves, he hears, he enjoys, we instead get these delicious words: mouths, breaks, churns, dies. The koi disappears the moment Yachi and Hinata arrive, a metaphor for his loneliness disappearing in the presence of his friends. Yamaguchi glances back to this koi pond throughout the story.

The abandoned setting here also implicates the state Tsukishima left him in, subtly and through metaphor, by using language such as forgotten and broken. Yamaguchi notices the way things are neglected because he experiences it himself. There is realism to fostering an intimate friendship only to be torn apart by moving to different schools.

What particularly punches me in the gut is how all of these accomplished and passionate volleyball players have kind of pushed their hobby to the back burner as they try to make something else out of their lives and education. I feel like this is a much more realistic portrayal of life than what we see in the canon universe, with almost everyone either joining a prestigious volleyball team or having shiny salaried careers straight out of college. You can devote your life to something and have it not work out, that happens all the time. There’s a beautiful realism to this, and an inherent romanticization of the mundane that comes from simply capturing it.

Everyone is experiencing some level of disappointment and it graduates from being a protagonist’s struggle to being a theme, something that seems inevitable and inescapable in the rules of this fictional universe.

Oh god, the yearning. The yearning. What a beautiful way to introduce the distance between them.

This scene gives me goosebumps. After over three-thousand words spent without him, when Tsukishima arrives it is like seeing someone who died. Everyone but Yamaguchi knows he now works at the school— but this detail was not revealed until the latest possible moment.

Yamaguchi does not describe the sensory details of the moment he is in, and instead lists all the ways he imagined seeing Tsukishima again. This is a stark juxtaposition to the way he pretends Tsukishima does not even exist before this scene. The settings chosen are whimsical and romantic: in a coffee shop, traveling abroad, hiding from the rain.

The reality is almost disappointing in contrast. This is a horribly disconnected way to reunite with someone, seeing their reflection first, and thus this is the first impression we have of this new Tsukishima. He is distant and disconnected. This creates narrative, because there is a gap between what he has and what he wants and we must spend time and effort to move there.

I could write a fucking soliloquy on “Je peux voir que tu rougis”. It struck me down like lightning. It is a piece of dialogue, but unlike the core property of dialogue it does not exist to communicate an idea from one character to another, because Yamaguchi does not speak French. It exists to help us better understand Tsukishima.

Yamaguchi doesn’t know French, he could have said anything when prompted. He could have said Je vous aime, or Tu m'as manqué or Le ciel est bleu. He said I can tell you are blushing. Until now, nothing has been resolute about Tsukishima’s intentions or feelings.

He is telling the audience that he knows that Yamaguchi feels some form of desire for him. It is done so off-handedly you could easily miss it. Of course, he would probably translate to Yamaguchi what he’d said if he hadn’t been interrupted, which shows intention to move forward with things in a shy (let’s be honest, really cute) kind of way.

Its effectiveness can also be credited to fictional realism. The idea that the physical sensations and reactions a character has can be perceived by other characters and influence their behaviors in return.

This is a brilliant piece of writing that will destroy you, and leave you unable to stop thinking about it for days.

Now for my fanfiction inside of a fanfiction. Fanfiction-ception.

I believe this text could easily fit in the genre of literary fiction, rather than fiction. I want to talk about the ways in which these two versions of the story would be different.

In this fanfiction, Tsukishima had no choice but to move across the world, as he was a child following the location of his mother’s work. This gives him a level of innocence. This story is able to have a happy ending because of this innocence.

If we give him more agency in this decision, it changes the story completely. Consider, that Tsukishima is offered admission at a great university abroad, but Yamaguchi is not accepted. This happens all the time.

Now we are posed a question: Do we prioritize our future or our relationships?

It’s our future, right? Wouldn’t it make sense to take advantage of an opportunity given to you, wouldn’t your friend wants what’s best for you?

There could exist a version of Tsukishima who chose school over Yamaguchi. This decision and its subsequent guilt would eat at him. This could be the reason he decides to lose contact with Yamaguchi, not out of jealousy but instead because he feels Yamaguchi deserves better than him, he wants Yamaguchi to find other friends.

Now, instead of moving back due to his mom losing her job, he would need another reason to move back. I think the most fascinating reason would be, if he flunked out and comes crawling back to Sendai. Studying abroad becomes Plan A, and Yamaguchi becomes Plan B.

Now, he wants to take the place of all the friends he forced Yamaguchi to make in his absence. He knows Yamaguchi adores him so it’s like a comfortable safety net he can always fall back on.

But the thing is, Yamaguchi would probably be okay with being Plan B. His self-worth is low, and Yamaguchi actually struggles to function without Tsukishima. At the same time, I don’t think this would necessarily make Tsukishima a bad person, even if he did hurt him.

This version of the story would most likely have a bad ending no matter how you tried to write it. As most literary fiction does.

I just think it’s fascinating that one decision could change so much about a story. Thank u author for this incredibly thought-provoking work!

[anangelwhodidntfall]

Baby I’m Jealous: Elvis Presley

Austin Butler Masterlist 

word count: 730

Request: Elvis x Jealous! Reader? Reader is jealous of Elvis’ growing affection for Priscilla

You tried to be supportive of Elvis and Priscilla's friendship, you really did but with each growing day you watched as he became more withdrawn from you and more affectionate with her. It was hard to watch and at first you brushed it off as be insecure because you even had to admit that Priscilla was beautiful but then weeks went on it was harder to ignore that he was falling for her and falling out of love with you.

Tonight Elvis had promised you that tonight it would just be the two of you, and you guys could have a date night so you prepped his favorite meal, and everything and waited for him to get back. You sighed as you looked at the clock and it had been three hours so you took a sip of your wine and washed your plate before heading upstairs to your room and not sure why you even slept in here anymore.

Elvis came home after showing Priscilla around Memphis, and his heart immedietly broke seeing the table set up, he was supposed to have dinner with you tonight and he forgot and he felt terrible about it. He said goodnight to Priscilla and made his way upstairs to your guy's room where he found you already asleep, with tears sliding down your face breaking his heart more because he never wanted to be the one who made your cried.

"Baby." He said quietly shaking you.

"Elvis please...just go to bed or something...I don't have the energy to deal with you." You said queitly as he sighed realizing how much he hurt you.

The next morning when you woke up, you were met with an empty space on beside you not that it surprised you and it just reminded you about last night and how he continued to hurt you. You sighed before climbing out of bed and getting dressed so you could go get something to eat. When you entered the kitchen you were shocked to find your boyfriend, standing making breakfast.

"Morning baby." He said wrapping an arm around you and pressing a kiss to your lips but stoppped when he didn't feel you kissing back.

"Elvis you can't just make me breakfast, and kiss me and expect to forgive you for missing our date and ignoring me for Priscilla for the past two months. You hurt me Elvis." You said as the tears slid down your face.

"Baby I swear I didn't mean to hurt you.....I don't know what what happened but it's like ever since i invited her here which was just as friends at first, but it seems like she became my girl and put you on the back burner and I'm sorry because I never meant to be the one to make you cry, your my girl and I love you so much." He said wrapping his arms around you.

"I tried to be accepting of ya'lls friendship at first, I really did but then you started loving on me less, stop talking to me, you stopped treating me like your girl and it hurt." You said crying into his shoulder.

"I'm so sorry baby, I really am. You gotta believe me when I say I never meant to hurt you, that I have no feelings for her not the way you I feel the way about you. You gotta believe me.... hey look at me, honey, you're my girl, alright? My only girl." He said titling your head back so you could look into his eyes.

"Do you mean that?" You asked him quietly.

"Of Course I do baby, and if you could find it in your heart to forgive me, I will make it up to you that way you won't be ever have to doubt about being my only girl. Do you think you could forgive me baby?" He asked you.

"I think I can, as long as you promise to never thurt me again." You  said to him,

"Never again would I think about hurt my girl, I love you baby." He said placing a kiss to your lips.

"I love you too, my love." You said smiling at him as you two pulled apart.

[unknowconcreteflower-art-blog-me]

Character Study Angel Dust and Valentino Relationship

This will be a post will be a look on Vizepop’s newest music video for Hazbin Hotel “addict as well as a deep dive of Angel Dust and Valentino Relationship!

Alright full disclosure Hazbin Hotel is an adult cartoon meant for a mature audience and the subject matter is very dark despite it’s cheery outlook so  if you’re very sensitive to this type of subject or under age please think before you watch the video and also this post will contain dark subject matter on abuse as well. Okay with all that out of the way please enjoy it’s review time!

First of all this music video is incredible but what’s even more amazing is the character building for Angel Dust and for Valentino. It shows how toxic and abusive Val is to Angel but it showcase his friendship with Cherri. At the start of the dance Angel's face is not just looking towards the audience, he's clearly looking at someone specifically, in the audience making. Especially with that hair flip he does. He’s doing this for someone one... and then we get a fantastic cut away to Valentino and it is bone chilling.

He’s doing this for Val he wants to be special to him; the way Val’s sun glasses frame Angel silhouette shows how he’s trapped because wants to be loved by him. It should also be noted during this part of the song “I think I deserve some praise...” Also alludes how starved for affection Angel Dust is and wants that praise from Val specifically. But this is how Val keeps Angel Dust under his control in a sense of that he’ll receive it if he’s “good” and does what he says. We get more symbolism of this when Valentino blows smoke towards Angel Dust. And it’s in the shape of a heart that’s being blown towards Angel and is wrapped around him. 

In a sense he’s kind of blowing Angel a kiss...

Not only that but the fact that it’s smoke also shows how fickle Val’s love is for Angel Dust is. It can disappear and go away at any moment, and that’s why Angel so desperate and tries so hard to obtain it. And the way the smoke wraps around Angel shows Val’s love it’s more like a chain and leash. Though it makes us wonder “why does he love Val”, and how did he end up working for him. Though we actually get an answer during his song Angel Dust when starts he sings about his past and how he got to hell.

 This scene in the when Angel Dust sings “Despite having overdose and ending up coma-toasted...” giving backstory on how Angel dust died. From Vivziepop (and the Hazbin Hotel wiki) we know he has comes from a Mafia family and has a bad relationship with most of his family members (who are in hell). Which may have been the reason why he started doing drugs (so he had a rough life). Initial he looks distraught and saddened about mentioning but it’s only when the smoke wraps around him and point his towards Val he smiles continues to “...I don’t give a damn~”  locks eyes on to Val which cuts away to Val wickedly smiling being very pleased. 

What this sequence tells us is Angel while being very sad about his past he doesn’t care about it now because he has Val; he made him forgot about his sorrows!  Right there is where we have our answer, he views as his savior. It implies that Valentino maybe the one that found Angel Dust and “saved him” but in reality to take advantage of him in a weakened state. That’s why Val has an evil grin when he hears Angel sing that, he knows this and as long as he has that card to play he’ll always have a reason to have Angel stay. Which is a real thing an actually abuser does; they use things they’ve done for you as a trump card when there is an argument or guilt trip you into staying with them or forgiving them. Maybe the reason he has stayed with Val for so long...

Why does he seem unimpressed...

I don’t want to go over every piece of lyrics but he basically goes on singing he gives up on the idea of trying to be good and sober accepting that this is his the rest of his life. Ready and very willing live his live like this as he is now to gestures out to Valentino “your playing with now til the end of the night” as he looks confused to this (I’ll get to why I pointed this out). Willing to live on this “heaven and hell high” going on to sing “ he’s addicted to the madness...”and then it then flashes to him in a crying being comforted by Cherri in his room. I believe this is a flash forward after the show when Angel went home. It is clear he’s sad but also angry at himself... Not only that but Valentino may have done something awful to him... 

Earlier I pointed out he was gesturing to Valentino because he’s willing to give Val everything because Angel actually love Val during it... and that’s what angers him (Val doesn’t want to be an item with Angel). And during those moments flashing of with Cherri it shows that he’s going to regret that choice,  foreshadowing somethings going to happen leading up to this... Angel’s not addicted to his life style and I think deep down he doesn’t want it in reality he’s saying he’s addicted to Valentino. And he knows very well he’s not treating him right and he’s bad for him. That’s the scary thing about being in an abusive relationship despite being poorly treated you and wanting to leave you can’t. You can’t help but remember the good moments where they show you affection that makes you think its worth saying. And this next scene I think happened before Angel went home with Val (I assume that he’s the one driving Angel Dust home in this scene). This scene just show how much of a scumbag Val and how he really sees Angel.  

What he’s really cares about is the money that Angel Dust makes not Angel himself, he’s clearly an after thought not even giving him a second glance. Angel is obviously upset at waiting in the wing for Val to pay attention to him. The two girls making out (yes they’re important) Angel can’t even look at them and makes sure he’s looking the other way... Because Angel was hoping that Val would show him some love too but no the first thing he does is check how much he made. And he put in so much effort in the show just for Val and impress him too. You’d assume he’d thank and praise him the amazing show he put on and that performance was especially for Valentino. Though the way he’s just calmly containing his disappointment and anger shows that this is not the first time he’s done this to him just leaving him on the back burner. Just in a sighing slouch and in his head he’s probably thinking “what the hell was I to expect” or “why the hell am I not surprised... “

“Oh Angel didn’t see you there...”

And only when Val finishes counting all the money does he pull in Angel for a kiss, this pretty much saying “Oh Angel, you made me so much money I can reward you now...” making his love very conditional. And the way he snaps his neck up “oh sorry didn’t see you there...” as if he just remembered him now. He doesn’t love Angel he only loves that money that he brings in. I have think that Angel Dust only tries to be “the best” in porn studios so that he can stay on Val’s radar. But I think at this point in the relationship Angel just experience so much of the abuse and neglect from Val he just expects it. He is just unimpressed and he just drained from all of this. Which tells us two things one Angel Dust may have been under Vals thumb for years and Angel is at his wits end. The expression on Angel Dust face is practically saying “Oh you notice me now” when Val finally starts paying attention to him and Angel just wants to be special to him. And clearly wants to be something more to him than one of his hoes... he’s coming to the realization that may not never get that. He’s just a toy to him something that he can play with and toss out.

This scene just makes me so sad... when Val forces Angel into the kiss seconds before (if you look carefully) you can see Angel he really was leaning in for the kiss and closing his eyes so he can enjoy it. Showing apart of him really loved Valentino and he wanted this so badly; for his love & affection this just breaks my heart. Val managed to manipulate him to the point that where he thinks he truly loves him. The reason why Val wants to kiss Angel Dust because he thinks one kiss is all he needs to make Angel stay with him. You can see the gears slowly turning in his head, he’s catching on... aware of his mistreatment...this kiss is damage control. But you can see in Angel Dust’s eye he’s questioning “is it worth it...” now Angel starting to get the full picture, even if Val wants him he doesn’t care for him and tries to stop Val before he gets sucked in again. He’s had enough and this maybe the first time Angel rejected his advancements, that’s why Valentino is angry in a sense “you’ve never disobeyed me before”, and when an abuser loses control that’s when they start getting physically violent; this maybe the tipping point of when the abuse started to escalate. And we don’t know what happened after it just flashes them going to the Porn Studio. 

Which cuts to him throwing fit... after something happens and it’s so heartbreaking cause he clearly blames himself.  And just sinks down on to the floor and cries into his hands. We don’t know hat happened but we get our answer... near the end of the song we have Angel Dust at the Hazbin Hotel to now. Where he smoking just like Val he smokes a heart but it’s a broken one and it saying he’s addicted to the sorrow. Meaning he has given up on the idea of Valentino really loving him with him singing  “...when the buzz ends by tomorrow” and he’s singing about the love he had for Valentino is gone it was good for a while he had it  but now he has to deal with the price of being “addicted to that drug...or getting involved with Val in this case.”

Now he deal “with the poison in his vain” talking about the trauma he received from Valentino... That night he raped Angel Dust in the studio I had a screen shot of the shot of him with Valentino but I though it would be too dark. And he’s clearly dealing with aftermath of the pain and trauma of the relationship and dealing with the scars of it. Which is why there’s a flash of seeing Val in the mirror for a second. But “he’s dependent on Valentino” and has nothing but fear for him now; blames himself and his naivety believing that Val would love him. Before Val’s love was Angel’s drug, it made him feel happy and forget his troubles but eventually that high went down. Loving Valentino ended up hurting and damaging him even more.. and has a new pain that’s hurting him. It’s sad because this is what victims do sometimes they blame themselves. Angel did nothing wrong the poor guy he was manipulated and he’s to the point where Val had made him trapped now. 

Which shows the real reason why he wants to stay in the hotel so he won’t have to be so dependent of Val. Slowly but surely try to get better because in the Hazbin Hotel he still working for Val but it living in the hotel. Though the way he pushes of Charlie he’s clearly trying to hide the pain he suffer especially with how he cares himself. Pretending to be carefree and cheerful which makes it so painful to watch him force himself to be happy. I just love Angel Dust so much he’s just so precious! 

PLEASE SAVE HIM ALREADY!

Okay hope you all enjoy the post

[jetaime-jespere]

Old Times All Over (Part 1 of 2)

A very special thank you to @sequinsmile-x for the beta!

Exactly six months pass before he can’t stand it anymore.

Aaron takes a risk and goes to Emily while she's undercover in Paris.

Rating: M

Exactly six months pass before he can’t stand it anymore. The weight of her absence is unbearable; it follows him around as if lingering in hidden shadows and settling deep in his soul, an indelible stain that doesn’t fade as the days pass by. He bears the team’s grief, shoulders it and doesn’t let himself handle his own. It feels wrong to mourn her as if she were actually dead when in reality she lingers somewhere very different, another kind of hellish existence. He often finds himself wondering what she’d say about all of it. Emily would have scoffed at the ornate casket, rolled her eyes at the formality of the Catholic service the Ambassador insisted upon. He’d been the one to make the call on the flight back to DC. Elizabeth knew right away why he was calling, and the detached coldness in her tone was merely a coping mechanism, for the older woman’s grief seeped through the phone as he relayed the news. Aaron could scarcely reach her eyes as he offered condolences in person, the words heavy and thick on his tongue. Elizabeth’s questions were answered with the vague formalities that were constructed as part of a grand lie, held together with threads that ran the risk of being unraveled with the slightest misstep.

Read the rest below the cut or on Ao3

Emily’s life depended on the sanctity of those lies, as did his own.

No one can ever find out about this, JJ had whispered to Aaron and Clyde behind a firmly closed door in the depths of that hospital in Boston. It was eerily dark, their heads bent together in near silence as initial plans were laid. For her safety, and all of ours. It felt oddly conspiratorial to plan her disappearance as she laid just feet away, oblivious to it all and very much alive. But Doyle escaped into the night like a ghost, and that meant Emily had to go too whether they liked it or not. It didn’t matter that they hunted monsters like him every day. They knew the moment her heart started again, that she would pull through, that she’d never be free. He’ll never stop looking for her. Clyde’s voice was like rubbing salt in a wound that burned through his skin.The tension between them was thick, laden with the unspoken tension of a tentative truce and a keen awareness of the pain that coursed within each of them. He will go to the ends of the earth to find her.

Aaron disliked Clyde Easter from the moment he laid eyes on the man. Perhaps it was his closeness to Emily - she trusted him, more so than she did Aaron, as was being made abundantly clear. It still stung - that she’d gone to him in her moment of need without even once considering just maybe the team could have helped. Maybe it was the way Clyde knew her so intimately, almost as well as a lover would - a delicate balance of adoration and indignance, a fierce desire to protect the oaths they’d sworn years ago, loyalty and trust woven from years of brushes with peril only to do it all over again. But it was more than that; he knew from the moment Clyde sat before him in an interrogation room in Boston his loathing ran deep. Only later would Aaron realize they both paid a similar price for loving the same woman.

The idea to go to her comes to him once Dave has finally disappeared for the night and the bottle of scotch is empty once again. It’s a ritual they share now, unspoken yet expected, an attempt at burying the worst of their grief. It never quite hits the mark, because Dave doesn’t know the truth. His words are wise and well intended, but he speaks of loss in terms of death, and it’s one thing Aaron can’t think about for too long. But it’s some of the only company he has once the building quiets down, so whenever he shows up at the door, he doesn’t object. Most nights they leave together after a round. The echo of their shoes striking the marble floors is the only noise between them when they pass the framed photos of agents long gone on the walls, now with Emily among them. He wants to shake someone, tell them she doesn’t belong there. “Don’t look,” Dave tells him every time. “It won’t bring her back.”

He always looks.

Tonight Aaron lingers, the idea now an intrusive thought reverberating through his weary mind. It’s dangerous - violates every rule of her disappearance - and puts anyone who knows at risk. He shuffles the files on his desk only to do it once more, rearranges the pens in the cup and flips through a few reports that still require his signature. His phone rings; he doesn’t have to turn it over to know it’s Jessica asking where he is, that Jack is asking for him. He was supposed to have been home a few hours ago. Instead of answering that phone, he digs for a different one. This one has stayed hidden in his desk since the night they returned from Boston. Clyde had pushed it into his hand at the last possible moment before he boarded a flight, his face stony and solemn. “If you ever need to reach me, use this.” It might be the closest thing to a friendship they’ll ever have, a twisted kind of bond that comes along with a shared secret they very well might take to the grave.

“I was wondering when you would call,” comes the lilting British accent on the other end when the line connects. “I thought for sure it would be sooner.” Clyde’s voice is haunting; it takes Aaron right back to Boston when it was just the two of them in that interrogation room, piercing blue eyes up against his darker ones as the pieces fell into place. If you want to stop that man, you have to put a bullet between his eyes yourself. He barely recognizes his own voice; it strains when he explains exactly why he’s calling, once the doors of his office are firmly shut. Even then, it’s a near whisper.

“You do realize what you’re asking of me?” Clyde demands. He’s not exactly surprised by the request, though. After all, he and Aaron had a few things in common. “The risks of all of this?” He’s whispering, the hiss of his voice biting even from thousands of miles away, wherever the hell he might be. “I thought you did things by the book at the BAU.”

“Can you make it work or not?” Aaron’s terseness matches Clyde’s hostility, a thinly veiled shield for his grief that consumes him.

There’s a pause on the other end, followed by a contemplative inhale as if he’s considering his answer, like he holds the power in his hands himself. “You should have more faith in me, Agent Hotchner.”

...

It’s all a little too easy to coordinate once the initial call is made, much to his surprise. For two weeks, things continue as normal, or as close to normal as possible, a period of limbo-like freefall. A case takes them to Portland, another to Providence. While the team is across the country, Clyde takes care of the multiple identities and aliases Aaron will use in Europe, along with a reservation at a nondescript hotel and God only knows what else. He’s barely back in Virginia for an hour when a text message on the burner phone reveals a series of coordinates, a meeting location.

“A direct flight to Charles de Gaulle might seem suspect,” Clyde whispers, nestled amongst the shadows along the Potomac River three nights before Aaron slated to leave. “There’s a flight from Regan to Heathrow, then to Paris. You’ll have a different identity for each, so best not to get confused.”

Aaron bristles at the snarkiness in his tone. “And my cover story?”

Clyde scoffs, as if disgusted by the question. “You’ll tell your team you’re being called to London to consult with Scotland Yard as a favor to a friend. I’ve already taken care of those details as well - a fake case report. Familiarize yourself with them so they don’t suspect anything.” He passes over the thick envelope, holding onto it for just a moment too long.

“How will I find her? Once I’m there?”

“Leave that up to me, Aaron. She’ll be waiting for you.”

“Thank you,” is all Aaron can say once he holds the weight of it in his hands. “I know you took a huge risk to do this.”

Clyde stuffs his hands in his jacket pockets and shuffles his feet awkwardly. “I love her too, you know.” It’s certainly the most honest he’s ever been, something that looks like hurt flooding his features. But he stiffens a few seconds later with an authoritative clearing of his throat. “Bloody hell, Aaron, for all of our sakes, I hope you know what you’re doing.”

...

Aaron drops Jack off at Jessica’s. He relays the same details he told the team a few hours before with the same feigned degree of calm assurance and mock annoyance - just a few days away, work related. No one suspects a thing. In fact, the rest of them seem almost happy for him to go. “A change of scenery might be nice,” Dave says as they walk out of the BAU.

It’s risky, inherently a bad idea and yet, it isn’t enough to deter him. There’s an element of betrayal he feels for lying to the team, for they’re still reeling from their collective loss. They miss her just as much as he does; none of this is fair. He drowns it out with a pair of headphones and a stiff drink as the plane roars to life and lifts into the sky as the sun sets.

He wakes up hours later in London with a headache and an all too familiar ache in his chest.

…

It’s another few hours of travel before he actually lands in Paris. He’s completely focused, determined as he collects his luggage and leaves the airport. He destroys the first passport moments after the plane touches solid ground and tucks the next one in his jacket pocket for easy access, the others will stay safely in his travel bag. Aaron calls Clyde on a new burner phone, one of several included in the envelope of documents that was passed over in a shadowy spot by the Potomac. He answers on the first ring, doesn’t even bother with a greeting. Instead he rattles off an address Aaron commits to memory and adds, “she’ll be waiting for you,” before the line goes dead. The address, he soon finds, is a small cafe in the fifth Arrondissement, the Latin Quarter. At first it seems risky, to meet in public, but it’s probably safer than somehow having a record of her address.

The woman at the small table in the back of the cafe is inconspicuous, but he spots her immediately upon opening the door. She could be anyone; she fits right in. One slender leg crossed over the other, a chic knee-length boot peeking out under the table. A simple raincoat, hair cut just below her chin. It’s lighter than it was the last time he saw her but still a rich shade of brown.The only giveaway is the state of the nails on her right hand - not manicured, bit down and ragged. It’s her, exactly where Clyde said she would be. He doesn’t make a big show, just simply sits in the empty seat across from her, his heart pounding in his chest when he sees her face for the first time in months. Emily’s hand is unsteady as her fingers wrap around the espresso on the table. “I’ve been waiting.” It sounds formal; she makes no move to shake his hand or hug him, or display any bit of emotion, but her lips tremble and her eyes well up a little.

“I got a little lost along the way,” Aaron shrugs a little, keeping his tone light for any ears privy to their conversation. She smiles, probably picturing him lost on the maze-like streets of Paris, the streets that still don’t feel like home to her either. “I’m here now.” It carries more weight than it ever would; all he wants to do is touch her to prove to himself this isn’t just part of the fucking nightmare he’s lived since March, one he’ll wake from wrapped in sheets damp with sweat and a pounding heart. She’s very much real, very much alive in front of him, but what the Emily he sees isn’t the Emily he remembers. Paris might be beautiful but it hasn’t been kind to her. She’s thinner and paler, shades of exhaustion on her face. Over the years Aaron has seen her sleep deprived more times than he could count - the toll of back to back cases added up - but this is something else entirely. It’s the culmination of fear from constantly looking over her shoulder, the toll of the unknown. Would Doyle ever stop looking for her, or would the rest of her days be spent on the run, alone, days that blend into weeks into months and years? Would she ever come home, to the only family she’s really ever had?

Emily studies him too, undoubtedly shocked at what she sees. Time hasn’t been kind to him, either. He’s a shell of what he used to be. A subtle shadow on his face that’s new, he’s weary eyed and tense. She knows it’s not because of the better part of a day he’s spent traveling - it’s much more than that. It’s a haunting look, with the memory of how quickly things spiraled out of control. He’d been helpless to stop any of it; Emily knows the blame he places on himself. If their hurried goodbye in the hospital was any indicator of the torment of what he’s been through the last six months, then she knows it’s been hell for him. Just like it’s been for her. She pushes another espresso, this one untouched, in his direction. “How much time do you have?” English feels foreign on her tongue. It’s been weeks, months maybe, since she’s had a real conversation not in French. It’s an act. This is all an act, but one her life depends on. Every minute she spends walking the arrondissements is a risk. The fear curls around her spine a little too tightly. She glances around the coffee shop, eyes scanning through without spending too long on any one thing. It can’t look obvious, only effortless.

“Not nearly enough.” Aaron wonders how much she knows about this, just what Clyde told her about the logistics of his visit. “We have about forty eight hours.”

He doesn’t miss the longing, wistful look in her eyes when she nods, the slightest tip of her head. It’s not enough time, it never will be. But it’s all they have, all they might ever have. They speak in short sentences, vague and cryptic, as they sip the espresso. It’s stronger than he expected, she seems immune to its effects. She doesn’t call him Aaron, and he’s careful not to call her Emily. He doesn’t know her new name, either. Not even Clyde could give him that information - it was probably better that way. They make superficial conversation - the rain here and the heat there, the bakery on the corner with chocolate croissants and the headlines on the newspaper that sits on the table. He plays along as she explains, as if he fits into this world she’s had no other choice but to assimilate into. To anyone in the cafe, they could be old friends, lovers even, with years of history between them, a casual intimacy spun like a web. The ease of lulls in conversation, a subtle glance every so often, the comfort of the proximity of someone else.

And hidden somewhere in their conversation, behind a facade of lies, is something else. What no one knows, what they haven’t quite managed to forget themselves, is something happened between them once before.

...

It was spring, after the dust had settled from Foyet and the world started to turn again, albeit slowly. Only when things settled into a new kind of normal - the humble experience of single parenting, relying on Jessica like he never had before - did Aaron realize something had changed between them. Perhaps it was the unwavering way Emily stood by him even when he wouldn’t admit to needing it, or how she picked up his loose ends without making him feel like his life was unraveling before his eyes. It was the way she mourned Haley’s death, a steadfast presence at her funeral, and her attentiveness to Jack in the months after.

He’d been divorced for more than a year, separated for at least two. Aaron no longer mourned his marriage, but the loss of his son’s mother, the woman he’d shared more than half of his life with. But someone else started to preoccupy his mind - dark hair, a blinding grin, a wicked sense of humor. It was becoming harder to ignore; she was everywhere. So a few months later in the spring, when he found Emily, nursing a drink at the hotel bar that had clearly seen better days, after a particularly brutal case in Scranton, he knew exactly how the night would end. It would cross a line - railroad through any professional boundary they still maintained. But an unsub had walked free earlier that night, a child was dead, and while it wasn’t her fault, he watched any trace of composure vanish from her face when they got back to the hotel as she retreated into herself.

It shouldn’t have happened that way - definitely not how he imagined it would. But Emily was desperate in her need to forget, he was desperate to help her do so. It was frantic, the clash of her teeth against his an ironic reminder that this was the first time he ever kissed her. Aaron pressed her back against the wall, sucked a bruise into her neck, and buried himself inside of her with one smooth push. He swallowed her moans with his mouth, the snap of his hips brutal and sharp. She reveled in it, her need for him and this, legs hitched over his hips as she clenched around him.

“Wanted you for so long,” he growled as she came around him. Her fingers were like vices around his shoulders, clinging to him as he fucked her through it, unrelenting. “Thought about you, about this.”

“Me too,” Emily gasped, the simple admission triggering his own release until he came apart and took her with him one more time.

Aaron had to carry her to the bed in the middle of his hotel room. It was the most gentle he’d been all evening, gingerly placing her in the center of it, following her down and pulling her into his arms. She was bruised and sore, he wore the scratches of her nails on his back and shoulders. Emily curled into him like she’d been doing it forever, snuggling into his chest. “I still can’t feel my legs.”

“We should have done that a long time ago,” he mused into the darkness, dragging his fingertips down her spine, listening to her slow, even breaths. It’s an admission more than an observation, and the low laugh that comes from her is all the confirmation he needs to know she thinks the same thing.

It happened again hours later, in the middle of the night, this time softer, slow and unhurried. He made her come twice with his mouth, coaxing her through each one. Aaron took his time, marveling at her and whispering praises into her skin. She beamed under his touch, besotted under his gaze. He studied the sharpness of her ribs, the curve of her waist, the length of her legs. And then he held her hands in his own above her head, rocking into her, metronomic and even. He kissed her like a lover should, his lips still wet with her slick, her legs pressed tightly wrapped around his waist as she crested against him. He collapsed against her shortly after, grappling for her hands, leaving kisses along her collarbones - anything to be as close to her as he possibly could.

But it was over after that.

Timing once again failed them. Not because they didn’t have the chance, but because they were both afraid something would change, whatever friendship they built over time, and they wouldn’t be able to take it back. They never talked about it, never even acknowledged anything had happened in that hotel room in Scranton once it was over. It lingered between them, the awareness of it sometimes all-consuming if she got too close or they somehow ended up sitting beside one another on the jet. But things happened - JJ’s untimely departure, coupled with Seaver’s arrival, the grueling toll of case after case. It was buried, hidden behind the burden of their jobs and the baggage they carried, both too stubborn to admit what was right in front of them.

And then she slipped away, shortly after a case in Montana. Emily’s typical professionalism, her unmatched level of skill was marred by uncharacteristic lateness and a short fuse, as if something had settled into her mind that she couldn’t shake. She was secretive and jumpy, slowly withdrawing from them all before his own eyes. And he’d been too caught up in what they weren’t saying, what they were hiding from, to even ask what was wrong.

Aaron never saw it coming. Until it was too late.

…

The cafe suddenly feels suffocating, the four walls trapping them in. What started as an alluring scent of coffee beans and freshly baked pastries now feels cloying, overwhelming. It’s just a little too loud as their conversation fades into silence. After all, there’s only so much small talk that can be made when he only has one question. Why? Across from him Emily shifts in her chair yet still wears her pleasant smile, still playing the act she’s perfected over the last several months. But she’s tearing at her fingernails, a sure sign that she’s nervous. He knows her tells by now, all of them. “What do we do now?” She asks, her voice barely audible. Whether it’s intentional or not he isn’t sure,

He leans in, takes her hand in his own. “Let’s get out of here.”

[after-witch]

Dinner Party (Yandere Fyodor Dostoevsky x Reader)

Title: Dinner Party 

Fyodor Dostoevsky x Reader

Your friends cancelled, one by one, leaving you with the only person in the world who seemed to care about you.

Notes: Yandere, emotional manipulation 

The dinner party began an hour ago, but your carefully crafted appetizers sat, lukewarm and untouched, on the kitchen counter. The entrees you’d been preparing sat unfinished on cold stove burners.

You’d stopped cooking once you realized no one--no one but Fyodor, that is--was going to show up. He had had arrived early, offering to help you set up. You thanked him profusely because, truthfully, you thought he might skip out on the evening. He didn’t like your friends and your friends didn’t like him.

It was around the time that he was setting our your dishes that the first cancellation arrived, making your phone buzz and jolt on the counter. Then another, then another and… well.

Your phone buzzed in your hand. You set it down on your well-worn coffee table, screen down, without even checking it.

“Another one? What excuse did they give, hm?” Fyodor asked. His voice was lilting, sympathetic. You knew he hated it when your friends treated you like this. Especially when he’d warned you that they would. You started “dating”--or as close as your private evenings at home and occasional trips to a coffee shop came to dates--a year ago and since then, you’d come to rely on him for companionship more and more. 

You leaned your head against his shoulder and shrugged. You couldn’t bear to read one more text message from a so-called friend. Their dog was sick. Their grandma was sick. They lost their car keys. Endless excuses, one after another.

The thought made tears rise again, hot and bitter against your cheeks. You slotted yourself against his side and he wrapped his arm around your waist, squeezing you tightly, almost painfully so. But the gesture was comforting and warm and protective, and you tried to remember that even if your friends were abandoning you, at least there was still someone who cared.

“I d-don’t…” you started, hating the way your voice choked with emotion. You could only continue by whispering, your voice tight and painful: “I don’t understand why they’re doing this to me. I thought we were friends.”

They knew how much work you had put into your dinner party, how much it meant to you. It was meant to bring everyone together again, to close the gap that had grown between you.

You had all been drifting apart over the past year. It started with blunt refusals to invite you to group nights if Fyodor came along, so you went to those less and less. Then your daily texts and weekly hang-outs turned into weekly texts, and a quick lunch once in a blue moon, that is, if no one cancelled. (And they usually did.)

Once, Fyodor had even stumbled across a friend’s second account filled with videos and snapshots of dinners, movie nights, zoo trips--all planned secretly, you assumed, because there was no hint of them in the once-talkative group chat where queries about hanging out were met with a list of excuses.

He wasn’t sure if he should show you the account, he told you then, but he knew how important these friends were to you and wanted you to have all the information. He was so thoughtful that way. Even if his thoughtfulness had led to late nights crying over an app you barely used.

How often had they been excluding you? And why--why? Was it because you had a new boyfriend, and they couldn’t handle sharing? Fyodor had suggested this early on, that your friends were jealous and too immature to understand your needs, and you’d initially dismissed it as ridiculous.

But they ignored you. They excluded you for months. And now they turned their backs on the gesture you’d created to mend your broken friendships.

“I feel so alone,” you confessed quietly. The realization felt like a pot of water boiling over and you felt the weight of the past months crushing your chest. “They... they make me feel so alone.” You clenched your firsts against Fyodor’s jacket, feeling bitter and sad and angry all at once.

As you wept silently into his shoulder, you realized that--once again--he was right about them. About everything. He knew so much more about human nature than you did. He would never say it, he didn’t gloat--but it hung in the air between you. He told you so. And from now on, you would listen.

“You’re not alone,” he said quietly, stroking your hair as he let you cry in his arms. “I will always stay with you.”

Your eyes, closed and stinging with tears, didn’t see his smile.

[hockeylvr59]

Secret Love Part 8 || Cale Makar

Requested: [ ] yes [x] no

Authors Note: So uh...I wasn’t going to post this until at least Wednesday but uh....after that game...I changed my mind. It’ll definitely be a bit of a wait until the next chapter because this was the last one I had banked but hopefully it makes it worth it. Thanks Cale for making me spontaneously combust about a dozen times today. 

Gif credit: @mitchmarner

Warnings: cursing, smut

Word Count: 3,975

~~~~~~

It had been a week since Cale had gotten home and although you’d seen him, you hadn’t had any alone time together. Cale had come over a few times, once with just Laura to help you do some more unpacking, a second time with his mom and dad who had bought you a patio set as your housewarming gift and then a third when his promised king-size bed had arrived and he’d brought his brother Taylor to help swap it out with your double.

Each time, you’d had to settle for a quick hug, unable to kiss him like you wanted to in front of his family. If you were slightly frustrated by having him so close and not being able to act the way you wanted, you didn’t let it show, but it did contribute to the utter exhaustion you were feeling.

Work was crazy, anyone wanting to move trying to do so while school was out for the summer. On top of that, you were trying to get the house completely unpacked, just wanting to be able to live without tripping over boxes or having to dig for something you needed. You’d been eating far more takeout than you would have liked, so when you came home to find Cale in your kitchen cooking, you almost immediately started to cry.

“Hey, you’re home…” Cale grinned, stirring something in the pot in front of him. When he noticed the tears, he adjusted the burners before stepping to wrap his arms around you. “Why are you crying?” He questioned and you just sniffled into his chest, so many emotions swelling inside of you.

You weren’t shocked that Cale was in your home, you’d sent the security code to the hide-a-key to Cale and his family in case of emergency. But the fact that he was here...cooking dinner...you certainly hadn’t expected that in your exhausted state. As your body finally settled at the feeling of Cale’s hand rubbing your back, you leaned up to kiss him gently.

“I just...this was unexpected and I’m exhausted and you caught me off guard.” You murmured. Cale nodded and kissed you again before glancing over at the pots on the stove.

“Well go change. Dinner is almost ready.” Cale insisted. Following his instructions you moved to throw on a cotton sundress, letting your hair down from where you’d clipped it to keep it off of your neck. By the time you returned to the kitchen, dressed down and barefoot, Cale had glasses of wine poured and was in the process of serving dinner. “Take those glasses outside and I’ll meet you there in a minute?” He suggested.

Taking a sip of one of the glasses of wine, you moved through your house, out the backdoor, and into one of the cushy chairs surrounding your outdoor table. It was a beautiful evening, and Cale’s surprise appearance was just what you needed after a long day. The fact that he’d cooked...well that impressed you even more and you couldn’t wait to taste what he’d made. A minute or so later, Cale was setting a plate down in front of you, loaded down with chicken alfredo.

“My favorite.” You declared, smiling over at him as he settled into the chair next to you, scooting it just a little bit closer.

“I know.” He replied. “Hopefully it tastes okay. I uh...I’ve never made it before. I had to google a recipe.” Honestly, it was a hard dish to screw up and Cale wasn’t totally incompetent in the kitchen so your hopes were relatively high.

“I’m sure it will be great. I didn’t have to cook it and it’s homemade not takeout.” You assured him, squeezing his hand before reaching for your fork. The food was more than okay and you devoured your entire plate fairly quickly. Cale finished fairly quickly as well and leaving your plates on the table for the moment, the two of you moved over to the loveseat, just enjoying each other’s company.

Cale’s fingers stroked gently at the skin just above your knee and his chin rested on top of your head as you laid yours on his shoulder.

“I’ve missed you.” He breathed, pressing kisses into your hair.

“Me too…” You agreed. “This whole sneaking around thing is hard when I want to kiss you all the time.” Cale chuckled, his chest vibrating against you.

“I know…” Cale conceded. “I just…” He started speaking until you cut him off.

“But we both know your mom would ask a million questions and it’s kinda nice not worrying about what anyone else thinks even though I know she’d be happy for us.”

“Exactly.” Cale mused. “Speaking of my mom though…” He transitioned. “She uh, she suggested I come talk to you about something...which saved me from having to make an excuse...” He admitted trailing off.

“What?” You questioned, confused.

“I uh...I’m thinking about taking a trip,” Cale explained. “Mom suggested I ask you to go with me.” Your eyes went wide immediately wondering if Laura had picked up on this even if you hadn’t told her anything. “She said it would be good for us to spend some time together after everything. I think she’s still worried about our friendship.” He continued, rubbing at the back of his neck after a moment.

“Oh.” You whispered, your brain just a step slow on the uptake.

“I uh...was going to ask you anyway for the record.” Cale clarified. “Her suggestion was just the prompt for me to come over tonight.”

“So a trip huh?” You breathed, curious as to what he had in mind. “Like to Banff or BC?”

“I was thinking Iceland.”

Your eyes went wide and you twisted to face him, your stunned reaction making his cheeks flush.

“Iceland?” You repeated. Cale could have given you a million guesses as to the location he had in mind and you still never would have guessed that.

“Yes, Iceland,” Cale said, completely nonchalant. “It’s supposed to be beautiful in the summer. And let’s face it, you and I aren’t really beach people. Looking at all the things there are to do there, it sounded like a trip we’d both enjoy.” Cale was right, neither of you was really a ‘lay around on a beach all day’ kind of person. The fact that he’d put thought into what you would like when selecting a location made your heart skip a beat.

“So what do you say?” He finally inquired. “Take some time off work and go on a trip with me?” You were nodding almost immediately, excitement filling your veins. As if you wouldn’t go pretty much anywhere with Cale if he asked you to. “Good.” He grinned. “I’ll make all the plans and let you know the exact dates.”

Standing, he pulled you to your feet and wrapped his arms around you.

“Our first vacation together as a couple. I can’t wait.” He breathed, kissing you softly but deeply.

“Hopefully it’s just the first of our many adventures.” You murmured against his lips. Cale continued to kiss you until your knees started to go weak before he pulled away, moving to clean up your dishes. “I can do that.” You insisted. “You cooked.”

Your attempt to grab the dishes failed when Cale dodged your hands and moved inside.

“Relax sweetheart. I got it.” He called, and you shook your head feeling spoiled. Little gestures like tonight meant worlds more to you than any material present ever could and you felt blessed that Cale always seemed to want to do things to show you just how important you were. Letting yourself back inside, you moved through the living room where the picture Cale gave you last week was now settled among so many others. While not every photo included Cale, a good number of them did and it was amazing to see just how far your relationship had come.

Pictures weren’t the only things you had that revealed the depth of your friendship. Moving into the guest bedroom, you sat down on the bed, your fingers immediately drifting over the fabric of the quilt you’d found stored in one of your boxes from your childhood home. It was made of every jersey Cale had ever worn, even including the avs. You yourself had worn pretty much every one of these jerseys as you cheered Cale on from the bleachers.

Lost in thought about all of those weekends and afternoons spent at various rinks you missed Cale searching for you.

“What are you doing in here?” Cale murmured, his body leaning against the doorframe.

“Just thinking…” You responded, smiling over at him fondly. You felt Cale’s eyes just take you in before he realized just what you were sitting on. He had never seen your quilt before so you watched as his eyes went wide.

“This is…” He cut himself off and you reached out to him, drawing him further into the room.

“The summation of all of the years I spent freezing my butt off while supporting my best friend.” You ribbed him, your fingers running along his abs as he stood in front of you. Cale had a mystified expression on his face and you reached for his hands, holding them in your own. “I’ve always been so proud of you, you know that right?” You insisted. “Like my family has always joked that being your biggest fan is one of my defining personality traits.”

Sliding to your feet in the limited space between Cale’s body and the bed frame, you gently pressed a kiss to his lips.

“My mom saved all of the jerseys and I guess when I was in college she sewed them all together to make this.” You explained. “I got it shortly after I graduated but I forgot about it for a while. Then I found it while unpacking and decided it would be perfect in here.” It was something sentimental and it made you feel even more like this home was a place for the two of you. It was a piece of Cale present even when he couldn’t be.

Cale’s only response was to kiss you again, his hands pulling your body close with the sort of touch that made you feel both powerful and powerless at the same time. The more time you spent with him, the more all of those suppressed feelings rose to the surface ready to sweep you away. You weren’t ready to admit it, even to yourself, but a nagging voice in the back of your mind was getting louder and louder by the day with one clear message: you love him.

Pulling back from the kiss you let out a long yawn, your eyes blinking slowly.

“Someone really is tired.” Cale murmured, his arms wrapping around you snugly. Nodding against his chest, you relaxed against him, some of the tension in your body slowly slipping away.

“I need a shower though...so I can’t go to bed.” You mumbled, your words muffled by his shirt. Cale still heard you though because suddenly he was scooping you up bridal style and carrying you into the bathroom, setting you down on the vanity. After closing the bathroom door behind him, Cale opened the shower door and reached in to turn the water on.

Before he’d even turned back to you, you were already certain that he had plans for the two of you to shower together. That was confirmed when Cale removed his clothes before slipping his hands under your ass to slide your dress over your head. Gentle hands pulled your undergarments off as well before falling to your waist to carefully set you onto your feet on the bathroom tile.

Checking the water temperature, Cale stepped in, pulling you with him under the spray. The sight of his wet body in front of you made your mind go blank. You knew you were lucky, but god...the sight of him was mindboggling.

“Are you going to shower or stare at me?” Cale prodded, leaning down to kiss you quickly but firmly. Rolling your eyes, you wet your hair before stepping from under the water to get shampoo. “Just hold still.” Cale directed, his hands already covered in a soapy lather. Watching him, you felt his fingers run through your hair before they lightly scraped at your scalp, massaging gently.

“That feels good.” You hummed, tilting your head a bit into his hands. As more stress left your body, Cale guided you back under the spray until all of the soap was washed down the drain. He repeated the process with your conditioner, making sure not to coat your roots, lazy kisses killing time before it too was washed away.

Quickly washing your face yourself, you turned to find him squeezing your body wash into his palm. Though the feeling of his hands rubbing over your back was innocent enough, by the time you turned to face him you were relaxed and on edge all at the same time. His hands on your breasts drew an unsolicited moan from your throat and immediately his eyes flashed with lust.

You couldn’t tell from his behavior though, his touch remaining light and caring as he drew his hands up and down your body, lathering you in soap. Though you were still exhausted, as you rinsed off you couldn’t help but feel that uptick in heart rate and tingle all over your body that signaled your desire.

“Remind me to shower with you more often.” You said softly, reaching out for him. “That was really nice...thank you.”

“Such a hardship,” Cale replied, an easy grin on his face. It was impossible not to take what he had tee’d up for you and you dropped your fingers to trail along the v of his hips.

“I mean something is hard.” You smirked, just barely grazing your fingers against his semi-erect dick. Cale immediately let out a low grunt in response. Eyeing him for a moment, you moved to drop to your knees but Cale’s hands stopped you, quickly pressing you against the shower wall. “Cale...let me take care of you...you’ve been taking care of me all night.” You requested.

“And I’m not done yet,” Cale announced. A shiver ran through your body and you bit your lip watching as he moved to step out of the shower. As your mind flashed to the condoms in the vanity drawer, you thought about your upcoming trip.

A split-second decision had you reaching out to stop him, and this time when you bit your lip it was because you were slightly nervous. You hadn’t been with anyone in a long time besides Cale and you knew you were clean. You were fairly certain he hadn’t been with anyone else besides you in the last few months and you knew the Avs players were tested fairly regularly for all manner of things. And with your birth control given via shot every three months the risk of pregnancy was extremely low.

“Do you not want to…?” Cale asked. It was clear that you had confused him, so swallowing hard you moved to remedy that.

“I do. Of course I do.” You assured him. “I just...I was thinking…” There really wasn’t any reason for you to be nervous, you were both adults who could have this kind of conversation, so swallowing hard you just spit it out. “I get a birth control shot every three months and I know I’m clean. I’m pretty confident you are as well and it would be nice not to have to stop to reach for a condom every time if you’re comfortable going without.” Taking another deep breath you spoke once more before stopping to await Cale’s response. “Of course if you want to continue using them we can...your comfort is important to me.”

It seemed to take Cale a minute to process what you threw at him but after a moment he nodded and stepped toward you again.

“Are you sure?” He questioned, his eyes revealing that he wasn’t fully certain but he was definitely intrigued.

“That my birth control is effective? Yes. That I want to feel you and only you? Yes. That none of that matters unless you’re okay going bare? Triple yes. So go grab a condom, Cale.” You murmured pushing him toward the shower door.

When he resisted your push you sighed, the sound choked off as Cale’s mouth came down with a demand that had been absent before.

“I’m okay with it.” He insisted when you finally pulled away to breathe. Searching his gaze, all those hesitations that were there before were gone, leaving nothing but desire.

“Then why don’t you take care of me like you promised.” You suggested.

Cale’s strong hands fell to your thighs, hauling them up his body and around his waist as he leveraged you against the shower wall. It was a show of athletic strength that sent a wave of moisture to your core, one that Cale quickly discovered as he brushed his thumb through your folds, ending at your clit.

“You wet enough for me?” Cale asked, his nose bumping against yours as he pressed a needy kiss to your lips. Feeling him hard, pressed between you, it was impossible to do anything but nod. He didn’t move, however, until you eventually found your voice.

“Need you inside me.” You commanded softly. Cale started to shift but then cursed lowly.

“Spit in your hand.” He directed. Realizing he was concerned that the water was washing away some of the natural lubrication you followed his instructions, spitting and then wrapping your hand around cock. You’d barely started removing your fingers when he pulled back to shift and adjusting your grip you settled his tip at your entrance. He slipped through your fingers as he pressed up inside of you and the dual sensation drew a sharp moan from deep in your belly.

The lack of a condom wasn’t super noticeable, but you could have sworn he felt a little hotter and the friction was a little smoother without a barrier between you. They were minute differences but just as you were aware of every other sensation Cale’s body created, you were aware of those as well.

As Cale thrust his hips against yours you took in the difference between this time and your previous two times together. Of course the location was different, but while the first time had been need driven and the second beyond soft, this was a combination of the two. The physical exertion required on Cale’s part meant that he couldn’t take his time, but he was also acting ever so gentle, truly focused on taking care of you.

Determined to do your part, you wrapped your arms around Cale’s neck, kissing him as you rolled your hips down against his. Each hip roll created slightly different timing against Cale’s thrusts and the variety of angles created drew curses from your lips.

“Fuck…” You moaned when one angle hit a particularly good spot deep inside of you. “Right there…” Holding your hips still, Cale’s next thrusts hit the same spot and your head fell back against the shower wall. One, two, three more thrusts had you screaming Cale’s name, your orgasm crashing down on you hard, taking with it all of the frustration you’d been feeling before.

With a pleasurable numbness settling in your muscles, it took you a moment to realize that Cale was still grinding again you, seeking his own orgasm. Though you were slightly oversensitive, you wanted Cale to orgasm so you trailed your hands over his arms, appreciating just how big and broad he was. His body held such power that it both amazed you and turned you on.

Feeling Cale’s strain you pulled him into a kiss, your hand dropping between your bodies to gently roll his balls between your fingers.

“You gonna fill me up handsome?” You breathed against his mouth. “Gonna let me feel your cum deep inside me?” His balls twitched and he groaned your name. With one more half-thrust you felt him pulse inside you and his hot sticky semen coated your inner walls. The foreign feeling sent a jolt through you and caused a surprise orgasm to ripple through your body, completely exhausting you.

“Shit…” Cale grunted, his forehead pressed against your own. A long moment passed as Cale worked to collect his breath. “Can you stand?” He posed the question softly, his hands shifting on your thighs so that he didn’t drop you.

You honestly weren’t sure your legs would support your weight so you shook your head burying it against Cale’s shoulder.

“Alright,” Cale replied, shifting one hand quickly to turn the water off, which was surprisingly still warm, before placing it back on your thigh, elbowing the door open. Slowly pulling out of you, he set you down on the vanity, his hands coming up to cup your cheeks as he kissed you. As soon as he felt you shiver, however, he reached behind him for a towel, quickly wrapping it around your body. Retrieving a warm rag he cleaned you up first before wiping himself down. You could still feel his cum slowly dripping out of you, leaving you feeling dirty but in a good way. That was by far the most intimate thing you had ever done and it felt you feeling even closer to Cale than you were before.

Wrapped in a towel, you watched Cale quickly dry himself off before throwing his clothes back on. Then he turned his attention to you, carefully drying you off as well before lifting and carrying you back into your bedroom. Since you’d been too tired to make your bed this morning, he was able to easily settle you between the sheets. The moment your head hit the pillow you felt your eyes start to struggle to remain open. When Cale moved to your bedroom door your heart sank.

“Are you leaving me?” You whimpered, tears forming in your eyes. Immediately Cale paused in the doorway, turning to face you.

“Sweetheart...I’m just hanging the towels up and grabbing your dirty clothes. I’ll be right back.” Nodding, you closed your eyes, not opening them until the bed shifted beside you. “Come here.” Cale murmured opening his arms to you. You settled against him, your head on his shoulder as he kissed your forehead.

“Sunshine...I’m not just going to leave you after sex okay. Not unless I absolutely have to.” You knew that, you did, you were just exhausted and feeling vulnerable after that experience. Cale’s fingers stroked through your still wet hair and you felt yourself starting to doze against him, his rhythmic breath soothing you.

“I should go home at some point though.” Cale finally admitted. “Otherwise mom is going to ask a lot of questions.”

“Can’t you just tell her you fell asleep watching a movie and didn’t want to drive back when you woke up because it was the middle of the night?” You pleaded, pout settling onto your face. For a moment you thought Cale was going to resist, but then he kissed the pout right off of your face.

“Yeah, I can do that.” He agreed. “Let me go lock your doors and I’ll be right back.’’ He stated, slipping out from under you. When he returned it was with a bottle of water, which he placed on your bedside table before moving around the bed, shedding all of his clothes except his boxers. As he slid into bed, you snuggled against him once more, and this time you stopped fighting sleep knowing that he was right here with you. Right where he was supposed to be.

[suitofvibraniumarmor]

If You Just Realize

Part Ten: Don’t Want to Lose Us

Summary: Sebastian decides to take a chance; Milena asks a hard question. Pairing: Sebastian Stan x Reader Word Count: 2030 Series Warnings: Death, angst, sadness. Lots of creative licensing, I’m sure. Chapter Warnings: None beyond series warnings.  Square Filled: This entire series will fill my realized feelings square for @marvelfluffbingo. A/N: I’ve much enjoyed writing this series, and I hope all of you enjoy reading it! The tag list is open; requests to be added can be done so here. There are bits and pieces of Romanian throughout the series, mostly from Google Translate and the few things I’ve picked up as I learn the language.

Series Masterlist

A month after they married, they spent a weekend moving into the new house. Y/N’s assistant back in Los Angeles was packing up her things to send to New York, and had already sent a few boxes to get her started with her own things. Milena’s room was set up, Y/N and Sebastian had a bed to sleep in, and the rest of the boxes were unpacked as the week went on. 

Sebastian got up with Milena the following weekend and made breakfast. They watched a few cartoons, then decided to get out of the house for a while. 

“Let me tell Y/N, then we’ll go. Why don’t you go pick a couple toys to take in the car?��

Milena rushed to her room, anxious to start the selection process. Sebastian smiled after her, then headed to the master bedroom. Y/N was still sound asleep. She seemed to finally be sleeping well after so many things happening at once, and he hated to even wake her to tell her they were leaving, but he couldn’t resist the sleepy smile she usually gave him when their eyes met for the first time every day. Sure enough, when he leaned over her and said her name, softly caressing her cheek, her eyes fluttered open and that smile showed, sleepy but still bright. 

“Morning,” she greeted, stretching her arms above her head before relaxing them again, one hand settling against the arm Sebastian was leaning on. “Sorry for sleeping so late.”

“Nah, it’s not that late. I’m gonna take the little one to look at Halloween costumes, get her out of the house for a little bit. You sleep as late as you need to — I’ll call when we’re on our way back home, see if you need anything.”

Y/N yawned and rolled over, curling back around her pillow. “You’re the best. I’ll be waiting for your phone call.”

The way she smiled up at him, the way she looked so comfortable in his bed — in their bed — made Sebastian want to kiss her before he left. He hadn’t done so since the night of their wedding, with the heated kiss in their hotel room. Y/N could deny it all she wanted, but he knew that had something to do with how overwhelmed and closed off she was right after their wedding. After all, things had more or less returned to normal between them since then; that was a dead giveaway. As more moments to show affection presented themselves, like this one, Sebastian found himself more and more disappointed he hadn’t controlled himself better on their wedding night. 

You’re going to have to figure it out, he warned himself, because it’s only going to get more and more difficult to control yourself. 

He couldn’t let himself cross that line again and scare her away. He needed to come up with a plan to either stop these feelings from developing any further, or a way to find out if maybe Y/N was willing to explore more than friendship and a marriage of convenience between them. 

Date her. 

The thought was quiet and almost fleeting but Sebastian caught it before it was too far from his mind to catch a hold of. He heard about people dating their spouse all the time, but it hadn’t occurred to him until just now that the same way other couple stayed in love might be the perfect way to find out if his wife could fall in love with him. 

At the Halloween store, Sebastian made a quick call to see if his parents were available to babysit on short notice, then put the date on the back burner for the time being so he could concentrate on his time with Milena. 

“Uncle Seb?” she started as he lifted her out of her seat, making sure her toys stayed in the car. 

“What’s up, munchkin?”

Milena took his hand as they crossed through the parking lot. “Is my mama gonna come get me soon?”

He was gutted and guilty. His heart broke with the idea of telling his precious niece that her mama wasn’t ever coming to get her. He had been selfish, thinking so much of how things were going to work out with Y/N, and not enough about how Milena was doing. He sighed and turned back to the car with Milena. He opened the driver’s side door and sat her down. With a shaky inhale, he crouched down to her level. 

“I wish your mama could come get you, baby — not because I don’t want you with me, but I know how much you must miss her. I miss her every second of every day. She was my baby sister. Beautiful, just like you.” Milena’s face didn’t smile. “Remember when Bunica told you that your mama is in Heaven? It’s beautiful there. No one gets hurt, no one is sad. But when people go there, they have to stay. That’s why you’re living with me and Y/N, okay?”

Milena’s chin quivered and her bottom lip pouted out. She whispered, “Mama’s not coming?”

Sebastian didn’t have a chance to answer before the little girl was full-on crying. He took a deep breath to keep himself from crying and lifted her into his arms. He sat sideways in the driver’s seat and held her, promising that no matter what, he and Y/N would always take care of her. She would always have a home and would always be loved. 

“I know it’s not the same as being with your mama,” he comforted, “but you’re never going to be alone, Milena. We want you with us and we are always going to want you.”

He would remind her as many times as he needed to over the course of her lifetime, he knew. As her cries turned to whimpers, Sebastian made a mental note to narrow down the list of child counselors and therapists he and Y/N had already compiled, so that Milena could start that process as soon as possible. 

“Do you still want to go in here, or do you want to go home? Or we could go to the park?”

Milena sniffled. “Wanna look at the princesses.”

Sebastian smiled and stood from the car, making sure it was locked before positioning her on his hip and proceeding into the store. 

By the time Sebastian called Y/N, she was up and unpacking the last of the boxes. He promised to make lunch when they returned and warned her that before anything else could happen, Milena was going to want to try on her Halloween costume. 

“Also, that list that we made,” he commented, obviously trying to be discreet, “we need to narrow it down and start making some calls on Monday. I’ll tell you later what happened.”

“Oh, okay. The list is in the desk drawer — I made sure we kept good track of it. You guys be safe, please.”

“We will. See you soon.”

Y/N disconnected the call and went back to the unpacking. It felt good to have the boxes all emptied and the house set up. They would need to get a few things to fill the extra rooms, and Y/N still had some things coming from LA, but otherwise, they were settled. She broke down the boxes and put them out with the recycling, then got a sweater to keep her warm from the chilly air while she sat out on the back patio with a cup of coffee. 

While her feelings hadn’t changed in the last month — if anything, they had grown stronger — but, with Kennedy’s help, she had decided to embrace her life as it was. Sebastian hadn’t changed, Milena needed her; there was no reason for Y/N to be in a constant panic. With her calm came the return of their usual friendly exchanges of affection — though sometimes, Y/N had to admit, she had to wonder if the things Sebastian said and did were maybe coming from a place of feelings that matched her own. 

“Look! Look! M’really gonna be a princess!” Milena exclaimed, breaking Y/N from her reverie. She proudly held up the princess costume and grinned. 

Y/N made a show of being impressed. “That is so beautiful! A beautiful dress for a beautiful girl! Did you have so much fun looking at all of the things with Uncle Seb?”

Milena nodded. “We got pumpkins! But they’re not real.”

“Pumpkins? Ooh, c’mon, show me! Then we’ll try your dress on while Uncle makes lunch for us.”

The little one raced ahead, but Y/N took her time to catch up. She met Sebastian in the kitchen, kissing his cheek. He pulled her into a tight hug — tighter than usual. 

“You okay?” she frowned. 

Sebastian sighed. “Milena asked if her mom was coming to get her soon.”

“Oh, Seb …”

She broke the embrace for only a moment, to set her coffee cup down. She had learned over the years that when he felt in over his head, when he felt like he was drowning in whatever life had thrown at him, a good hug went a long way to getting Sebastian to the point where he felt like he could move forward and conquer each new obstacle. 

“That’s why you wanted to look at the list,” Y/N surmised. 

He nodded, still holding on to her. “I don’t want her to be completely broken, you know? You were right. We have to handle this now, before it gets worse. We’re lucky, I’d guess, that the night terrors aren’t happening more often.”

Small feet running through the house broke up their embrace. Milena was in her Halloween costume — although the dress was backwards, and the tiara was lopsided on her head. 

“You got changed all by yourself, look at you go,” Sebastian chuckled, fixing her tiara. “You are the most beautiful princess there ever was.”

“I agree,” Y/N grinned. “How about you and me go find some shoes in your closet to go with it?”

“Yay, yay, yay!” Milena cheered, leading the way to her bedroom. 

Y/N lingered behind. “You okay, for now?”

Sebastian nodded. “Yeah, for now. Thanks, Y/N/N.”

She only smiled and went after Milena. Her heart was telling her to hold on to him longer, but her head reminded her that he wasn’t the only one who needed her. 

After lunch, when Milena was down for her afternoon nap, Sebastian decided to lay down for a nap of his own. Having slept in, Y/N wasn’t too sleepy, but she offered to lounge with him and watch some quiet TV while he napped. She leaned against the headboard, flipping through channels with the remote in one hand, and softly carding the fingers of her other hand through his hair while he rested. 

“Hey,” he whispered, taking her hand in his, “I had an idea. My parents are free to watch Milena tonight. Do you want to go to dinner with me?”

“Oh. Um, sure. Where do you want to go?”

He mentioned a place that was nice but not fancy. “We haven't done anything, just the two of us, since the wedding. I know Milena is our focus right now, and we’ve been getting the house settled, but I don’t wanna lose us, either.”

“Me either,” Y/N agreed. “What time do you want to go?”

He thought for a moment. “We can drop her off at seven-thirty, then leave from there?”

“Sounds good to me.”

With their plans in place, Sebastian closed his eyes again. Y/N resumed her channel flipping and running her fingers through his hair. While he slept, she mentally played back his words over and over again — too many times. 

I don’t want to lose us. 

She didn’t want to lose them, either, certainly, but Sebastian, it seemed was trying hard to hold on to their friendship. It reminded her that, despite a few moments of beyond-friendly affection, she was likely in these feelings alone. 

She wasn’t going to let this send her into another spiral. She would keep doing what she had been doing: loving Sebastian, loving Milena. Hoping and praying that this piece of life was meant for longer than a season. 

AllOfTheThings: @captain-s-rogers @star-spangled-man-with-a-plan @letsgetfuckingsuperwholocked​ @hurricanerin​ @horsesandbandsforlife​ @im-not-an-armrest-im-short​ @captain-rogers-beard​ @shynara51​ @sea040561​ @pinknerdpanda​ @xtina2191​ @jackryanplz​ @beakami​ @heartsaved​ @fullprunerebelstatesman​ @blackwidowismyhomegirl​ @averyrogers83​ @jennmurawski13​ @connie326​

IYJR: @elsatxx​ @tanelle83​ @amanda-teaches​ @etherealwaifgoddess​ @kmuir1​ @ntlmundy​ @jayankles​ @rebekahdawkins​ @denise1605​ @rhadigen​ @peace-love-hobbitness​ @itsallyscorner​ @mizzzpink​ @auspiciousharriet​ @the-murder-strut-murdered-me​ @learisa​ @tellmewhatyouwill​ @katherinereid​ @lokilokilokilokilokiloki​ @auriandthepussicats​ @tellmewhatyouwill​ @itsmycorneroftheinternet​

[dreaming-in-alicante]

New chapter is up! Way longer than I planned it to be, lol. I mention Grace training with a bow and arrow in this chapter and now I'm just thinking about how awesome it would be for her to bond with Gabriel over archery.

Chapter 2: Taking stock

Grace jolted as a loud bang echoed through the basement. She was grateful that she had set down her glass beaker a moment before, else she surely would have dropped it. She whirled swiftly around, locating Christopher, and was relieved to find him startled but unharmed. Still, she asked, “Are you alright?”

“Yes, I’m fine,” he said, inspecting his shirtsleeve where a hole had burned through. “My apologies. It turns out that combining a Swiftness rune with my current modified rune does not in fact make a message travel as desired, it just causes the message to explode,” he said, unfazed. He had been working on another long-time project, a way to send messages in an instant. “Perhaps I should take a break and return to this project later when Henry is around to consult with. He should be back from Idris next week.” Christopher bent to write something in his notebook, then made his way over to Grace’s station where she had a solution refluxing over a Bunsen burner. “How are you getting on with the synthesis?” he asked.

Grace had been working her way through some of Christopher’s old notebooks. The best way to gain scientific knowledge, it turned out, was to do the experiments yourself. She was attempting to replicate his results on past projects. In the process, she was learning basic techniques and becoming comfortable with the various instruments and chemicals in the laboratory.

“It seems to be going well,” shee told him, “although the solution is a darker yellow than you have described in your notes.” This began a very informative discussion about reaction conditions and the purity of compounds. By this point, it was starting to get dark outside, and so Grace finished her experiment and tidied up somewhat. “I’ll see you – not tomorrow, with the family day– Sunday then?” she asked.

“That’s right! I had nearly forgotten,” Christopher said, smiling. “My parents have – wait a moment. I thought we were inviting you and Jesse over! Oh heavens, I hope I wasn’t in charge of telling you,” he said worriedly.

“They did remember to invite us. Jesse will be there,” Grace assured him as she located her coat.

“And you won’t?” Christopher asked, head tilting in confusion.

“I thought it should stay strictly family. Jesse will always be my brother, but Tatiana was never truly family. And I share no blood with you all,” Grace explained. “It all worked out anyway because I… actually have family of my own that I’m meeting tomorrow. Cousins, or technically second cousins, around my age who are coming to London on some business this weekend.” She had sent a letter to her father’s cousin soon after everything had happened, and quickly gotten a response.

“I didn’t realize you had contact with the remaining Cartwrights! That’s wonderful then,” Christopher said jovially. “Have you met them before?” he asked.

Grace shook her head. “Perhaps as a young child, but not that I can remember,” she told him. “They were thrilled to hear from me though. Apparently, they sent letters infrequently over the years. Tatiana,” she said, fists clenching, “never let me know about them, and evidently sent short replies to tell them that I was well, but didn’t want to see them.” It was just one more cruelty Tatiana had inflicted.

Christopher frowned and said solemnly, “I’m very sorry Grace. That’s a terrible thing. I’m sorry that you had to suffer under her for so many years.”

“The important thing is that I’m free of her now,” Grace told him. She had to leave so that she could meet Jesse on time for training, so she quickly put on her coat and started out. “Until Sunday, then,” she said, bidding Christopher good evening before she left.

_________________________________________________________

Grace felt unusually light as she made her way home. It was incredible, she reflected, how so much had changed in just over two weeks. Spending her day in the laboratory was strangely peaceful, despite the occasional explosions. For so many years she had been defined by other people: she was Tatiana’s obedient girl, Jesse’s loving and determined sister, Tatiana’s weapon. In the lab, with Christopher… she was learning how to just be Grace.

Things had also improved outside the lab. Bolstered by a new confidence, Grace had finally accepted Jesse’s offer to join him in training. She was pleased to find that she remembered much of the training they had done together before he died. Over the years she had practiced when she could, but those times were rare with Tatiana prowling the house at odd hours. She was fast becoming skilled with a bow and arrows. She was also learning quickly with a Seraph blade, an entirely new weapon, although she doubted she was yet proficient enough to effectively wield them against a demon.

It was immensely satisfying to train and think how horrified Tatiana would have been. Grace wore dark gear rather than pale silk and lace dresses, hair kept in a simple braid instead of elaborate styles. She was gaining muscles and callouses, as well as covering herself in marks to increase agility, speed, accuracy, and so on. She was no longer Tatiana’s flawless porcelain doll. Even when not training, Grace now preferred simple dresses – necessary when she spent extensive time in a lab where spills and fires were always a risk.

Grace usually joined Jesse for training either quite early or quite late in the day, when fewer people were at the Institute. Jesse would share new techniques that he had learned and spar with her, as did Lucie on the days she joined them. Lucie had warmed again to Grace somewhat, although she still was a bit awkward whenever Cordelia or James came up in conversion. Another wonderful outcome of training was a tentative friendship with Ariadne that began when she encountered Grace and Jesse while training one evening. Ariadne confessed she had been unsettled by the revelations after Grace’s trial, but she bore Grace no ill will. They had started trading book recommendations.

Three friends made in three weeks, Grace thought, quite a change after a lifetime with none. Well, perhaps she had friends before her parents died, but if so, she did not remember them. Although it was difficult to tell whether she was truly friends with Lucie and Ariadne quite yet and not just familiar acquaintances. Grace didn’t entirely know how a friendship worked, how one should interact with friends. However, she was sure that Christopher could be counted as a genuine friend. They spent lots of time together and talked about numerous topics and weren’t those basic elements of a friendship?

_________________________________________________________

Sunday came quickly and Grace arrived in the lab early, eager to start a project she had considered for several days – organizing chemicals and other supplies in the lab. There was a system, vaguely, but she felt it could be much improved. She saw Christopher do a double-take when he arrived a half hour later and realized she was there.

“Grace! Good morning. You’re early. Or am I late?,” he asked, perplexed.

Grace felt a smile pulling at the corners of her mouth. Up to this point, she had always gotten to Grosvenor Square later in the morning. “I arrived early today,” she said, alleviating Christopher’s confusion. “I’ve been getting to work on organizing all the chemicals and other compounds. I am also creating a more thorough inventory.”

Christopher appeared pleasantly surprised. “Capital idea, Grace!” he said. He examined the inventory list she had started, and offered a few suggestions for the layout.

“Jesse said you all had a good time together yesterday,” she said, hoping to make conversation as she started rewriting labels that were stained or faded on various vials.

“We did! It was a fine time having the family all together and talking to Jesse,” Christopher said happily, “although there was a small mishap when I tried out another rune combination.” His smile turned sheepish as he added, “Unfortunate, but my mother said the important thing is that no one got hurt, and she believes the sofa can be salvaged.”

Grace smiled slightly at the story, comparing it to the version she had heard from her brother. Jesse’s description of the incident had included a fairly large blaze that nearly set Sophie and Gideon on fire, a good deal of shouting, and the confiscation of Christopher’s steles for the remainder of the evening. “Jesse did mention something about an accident,” she said mildly.

“How was your visit with your cousins?” Christopher asked.

“Splendid. They were both very kind, and easy to talk to. I’ll be keeping in contact with them now,” Grace replied. Truly, it had been a pleasant afternoon with her two cousins – Samuel, Grace’s age, and Sarah, three years older. They had exchanged telephone numbers, and the two had extended an invitation for Grace to spend a weekend with them in Idris at the end of the month, to meet their parents and other siblings.

_________________________________________________________

They were working in companionable silence that afternoon when a voice that Grace recognized as Thomas Lightwood’s called “Hello Kit!”

“Afternoon, Tom!” Christopher greeted him as Thomas stepped into the lab.

“Oh, and Grace. Good afternoon. Kit and Jesse mentioned you were helping out now,” Thomas said, looking a bit unsure.

“Hello, Thomas,” Grace said simply in reply. She turned back to the bench and busied herself inspecting a bottle, putting on a new label, and marking it in the growing inventory list. She had seen Thomas several times in passing, and he came up fairly frequently in conversations with her new mutual friends, but she had not spoken with him directly. She was grateful when Christopher began updating Thomas on his research, and Thomas’s scrutinizing gaze moved away from her. Evidently Thomas had stopped by early to catch up with Christopher before the Merry Thieves all went out that evening.

Grace did her best to avoid Thomas as she moved around the lab to get various chemicals or use different instruments like the microscope. She did have to interrupt their conversation at one point, calling Christopher over to inspect a vial, because did it actually contain demon poison? (It did – from a Raum demon to be precise) Several minutes later she searched for a bottle that she swore had been right in front of her. “Christopher, have you seen the hydrochloric acid?” she asked.

“Hm, I’m not sure that I have,” he said, searching around slightly, but keeping his attention largely focused on pipetting a solution.

Thomas sighed but smiled fondly as he plucked the bottle in question from among the glassware in from of Christopher. “It’s right here,” Thomas said, then walked over towards Grace. “There you are,” he said, handing her the bottle.

“Thank you,” Grace replied, taking the bottle from him somewhat clumsily. He started to turn, then halted.

“I know everything’s all still a bit awkward, but – especially after talking with Jesse yesterday– I just want you to know that I don’t hold anything against you, Grace,” Thomas told her earnestly. “Goodness knows I’ve made bad decisions myself. And when I imagine myself in your situation – if I’d had the opportunity to get my sister back,” he said, swallowing hard, “and only Aunt Tatiana for company, well… I’ll just say that I can understand your motivations. I hope that we can be on amiable terms.” He looked very sincere.

“I – er, thank you. I appreciate it,” Grace said, uncertain how to respond. That seemed enough to satisfy Thomas, however; he nodded at her and made his way back to Christopher’s work station.

The atmosphere was much less tense after that, but it did not last long. Christopher was somewhere upstairs, changing from his burned and stained lab clothing into something he was allowed out in for the evening, when she heard more than one person coming down the stairs. She looked up to see alarm rising in Thomas’s expression, and turned to see James and Matthew as they greeted Thomas.

“Ah,” James said, he and Matthew halting as they saw Grace. “Miss Blackthorn,” he greeted her coolly. “I didn’t expect to see you here.” His expression indicated that he would have much preferred not to see her ever again.

“It’s Cartwright again, actually,” Grace told him, fiddling with her pen, unsure what to do with her hands.

“Good afternoon, Miss Cartwright. What are you doing in my father’s lab? Are you planning to seduce Thomas or Kit now?” Matthew asked, voice bright with false cheerfulness.

Grace struggled to restrain her temper at the insult. “I am here to study science, and work on research with Christopher. I have been doing so for the last several weeks, in fact,” she said evenly.

“Science? You’re here to learn about science? With Christopher?” James asked, as he and Matthew stared at her incredulously.

“You expect use to believe that?” Matthew asked, eyebrows raised. “That you have suddenly been overcome with a burning interest in science, have come to the Consul’s house, and you don’t have some ulterior motive?”

Grace took a deep breath. “I am interested in science. I never had the freedom to pursue it before but I find it exceedingly fascinating. I am trying to find a place for myself, and a purpose. And Christopher,” she emphasized, “has no issue with my being here.” She stared them both down. “I know I did you terrible wrongs. I have apologized, to both of you, and many others. I don’t know what else you expect me to do,” she said in an icy tone. “And even if you doubt my sincerity, you must have by this point heard that my power was removed. Ask your mother the Consul,” she said, gesturing at Matthew, “or ask Jem Carstairs and the other Silent Brothers.”

It was at this tense moment that Christopher returned, changed into clothing that had not yet been stained or burned. “James, Matthew!” he greeted them happily, then seemed to finally register the fact that everyone’s expression looked strained. “Is something the matter?” he asked confusedly.

“Yes, somewhat,” James said. “You somehow forgot to mention that Miss Bla- sorry, Miss Cartwright has been helping you in the lab?” He stared hard at Christopher, face showing his disbelief.

“Yes, Grace has been helping. It’s been quite a good time so far,” Christopher said, still looking quite baffled. “Did you want to help too?” he asked, looking between both James and Matthew.

“We’re not upset because we want to help in the lab,” Matthew burst out, “we want to know why you not only invited our – our nemesisinto my family’s house, and neglected to even mention it!”

“Grace is our nemesis?” Christopher asked, looking even more bewildered.

“Kit, do you not remember the entire ordeal over the past few months? In which we discovered that for years Grace used a bracelet and demon powers to control my mind? Under the direction of your crazy aunt and my demon grandfather?” James asked with great exasperation.

“Oh that!” Christopher said, looking pleased that he had finally figured out what they were discussing. “Yes of course I remember that. Grace apologized! She feels very badly about all of it,” he stated, apparently expecting that to settle the matter.

“Kit, we are telling you that you can’t be sure of her intentions. She could still be up to something,” Matthew said.

“I am not-” Grace began to retort, but was cut off as Matthew continued, “It’s just that you have to see how it looks, you suddenly being all friendly with someone who is a known manipulator who, for very good reasons, does not get on with your friends?”

“Thomas has Alastair around all the time, and we never used to like him either,” Christopher said stubbornly. “I don’t understand why we can’t also be friends with Grace now too.” Thomas sputtered, clearly uncomfortable having his still-new boyfriend brought into the conversation. Up to this point he had been hovering nervously, eyes darting back and forth as his friends argued. “Grace has apologized,” Christopher continued “She’s here because she wants to pursue science, and seeing as neither of you spend much time down here, you wouldn’t see her much.”

Grace was astounded to see ever-cheerful Christopher looking slightly angry. His friends looked quite surprised as well.

“Also,” Christopher added, “isn’t it rude to be arguing about Grace while she’s still in the room?”

Clearly taken aback, James said, “I didn’t mean to…I – look, Kit, just…” His mouth tightened as he glanced at Grace, then back to Christopher. “Gwyliwch eich cefn. Mae hi'n aml yn dweud celwyddau,” he said in some odd language.

Christopher answered him in the same language, his tone still uncharacteristically sharp. “Hyderaf hi.”

The cousins stared each other down for another moment until an abashed-looking Matthew cleared his throat, breaking the silence. “We’ll go wait upstairs, I think,” he said, tugging James towards the stairs.

They left, and Christopher told Thomas that he’d be cleaned up in a minute if he’d like to head upstairs too. Thomas did so as Christopher capped his open test tubes and turned off the Bunsen burners, face still pensive.

Grace broke the uneasy silence. “I’m sorry to put you in a difficult spot with your friends, Christopher.”

Christopher looked appalled as he replied, “No, I’m sorry Grace. I suppose I never thought to mention that you were helping in the lab now. I didn’t think about how they would react if they just saw you down here.” He sighed. “I’m never sure what to tell which people, or predict how they will react,” he said sadly. “I think they’ll come around though,” he added, brightening. “I’ll talk to them tonight. Maybe if I just tell them about the experiments we’ve been working on, and your organizational system…”

Grace began cleaning her station as well, but she still had a remaining question. “What was it that you and James were speaking? Was it some demon language?” she inquired. She had not yet covered any demon tongues in her training.

Christopher gave a small, surprised laugh. “Not a demon tongue actually – Welsh. Although my father does like to say it’s quite unnatural,” he said, amused.

Grace hadn’t connected the pieces. She had known that James spoke Welsh. It would make sense that his cousins would speak the language as well. “What were you two saying?” she asked, curiosity getting the better of her.

Christopher looked somewhat uncomfortable, avoiding her gaze, instead focusing on his notebook. “James warned me to watch my back because you’ve been known to lie,” he said finally. He looked up, now meeting her eyes, and said sincerely, “But I told him that I trust you.”

Grace looked back at him, overwhelmed by his earnestness. “Thank you, Christopher. You don’t know how much that means to me,” she said softly, and her cheeks suddenly felt a bit warm.

“Of course!” Christopher said. “You’re a wonderful lab partner. As good as Henry.”

Coming from Christopher, who greatly admired Henry, Grace recognized that this was indeed high praise.

“I should be leaving now,” he said, grabbing his hat. “I’ll see you tomorrow afternoon?”

“Yes,” she answered. “Have a good time tonight.”

Christopher smiled at her as he left. Grace wondered what it meant that she felt an odd fluttering in her stomach at that. And as she made her way home, she kept replaying the moment in her mind where Christopher looked earnestly at her with bright violet eyes and told her that he trusted her.

[blissfullylostinarabbithole]

Duckling Pt. 8

Pairing: AU!Teen Wolf x Reader x AU!Avengers, Derek Hale x Reader

Word Count: 3k

Summary: Reader’s friends need to pick up some last minute supplies before their camping trip. Luckily, Stiles knew of a new shop along the way.

A/N: Plot requester didn’t remember the name of the film this is based on, so if you recognize it, let me know!

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Despite them still having to get through a week of school before they were off for spring break, Shuri already had her bags packed. She’d rubbed how much fun she was going to have in her brother’s face, since he was going to be stuck practicing lacrosse for the upcoming semi-finals.

T’Challa told her he hoped the Rogers’ forget her in the desert, and she sent Peter a playful glare when he laughed in response.

The chatter died down when Natasha unexpectedly sat at their table, hardly looking up from her tray of food. They all turned to Peter, who looked even more confused than they did. Shuri’s cousin, Erik, stood abruptly and left, followed by a couple of others, leaving their lunches behind.

Clint laughed nervously, pulling their food toward him. “More for me! Hey, Nat.”

“Hey,” she croaked.

It didn’t go unnoticed by Peter how both she and Brock had dropped in popularity since their breakup. He did fail to notice, however, that they seemed to have fallen to the very bottom of the hierarchy. He realized she hardly went out anymore, and he couldn’t even remember the last time he saw anyone speak to her.

“Shuri was just telling us that she’s all set for our trip, weren’t you?”

She picked up on his pleading tone, and nodded enthusiastically. “Yes, I’m looking forward to it!”

Little by little, the conversation picked back up. Peter kept glancing nervously at his sister, hoping she wouldn’t be upset with him for forcing her inclusion. When she looked up at him, her lips twitching into a soft smile, he breathed a sigh of relief.

When the bell rang, signalling the end of lunch, Nat left without so much as a goodbye. Peter watched her leave, worry evident on his face. When he turned to look at the people who remained, they all turned away quickly.

After walking Shuri to her class, he headed toward his own, stopping when he heard Nat’s name coming from somewhere ahead of him. He recognized the voices as belonging to Clint and Erik.

“You didn’t have to be a dick about it!”

“I didn’t see you rush to extend your hand in friendship after!” Erik hissed. “Brock’s got a target on his back now, and-”

“Oh, come on!” Clint scoffed.

“AND so might she by association.”

“You don’t actually believe that crap, do you?”

“I believe what I know, and what I know is that anyone who crosses Hale ends up dead.”

“You don’t know that, that’s ridiculous.”

“Are you certain there’s no truth in it?” Erik challenged, and Clint didn’t respond. “Brock attacked his girl on that field. You know as well as I do it wasn’t an accident.” He shifted his backpack and walked away, Clint leaving soon after.

Instead of heading to class, Peter went to the nurse’s office. He was feeling a bit faint, so he was given some water and told to lie down while the nurse called his mother.

Peggy was there in a minute, and after failing to get any answers from him other than ‘I’m fine’, she called Steve to pick him up and instructed him to stay rested for the rest of the day.

He told his father his head was hurting, only to keep him from asking the same questions the nurse and his mother had already asked. Instead, he thought about Nat. He wondered if that was why people seemed to be avoiding her, and if she knew. Did she think her days were numbered, just like Erik did? Should he say something?

As concerned as he was, he somehow thought that would only make everything worse. He knew his family would take it seriously, and Shuri said herself they were only rumors, and not everyone believed them. 

Maybe he could talk to the Sheriff? He seemed nice. But what if he told his parents?

He groaned in frustration, leaning his head against the window.

Steve gave his shoulder a gentle squeeze, assuring him they were almost home. 

Both his parents insisted he stay home the following day, and he didn’t have it in him to argue. He ate his breakfast in silence, and headed back to his room. Peggy asked if he wanted her to stay, but he’d said no, and she headed off to school with Natasha. 

Steve and Bucky asked if he wanted to go to the shop with them, but Peter said he wanted to nap and do homework, and that he’d be fine alone. They got the twins ready and headed out, reluctantly leaving Peter, staring at his window.

At first, he’d thought to try to sleep in, but as he’d had such a restless night, he didn’t think it was a viable option. He then took a page out of Shuri’s book and began to pack for their trip south. It didn’t take him long, though, and his mind went back to imagining the worst in no time.

Part of him knew his imagination was running away with him; how could so much death surround one person, and that person be let to walk free if he had been involved? That rational part of his brain fell to the back burner as the more gruesome thoughts took over, and unable to bear it any longer, dug through to the back of his closet where he kept his personal laptop hidden.

His parents thought he was too young to have his own computer, but Tony disagreed, and bought him one one day when he was visiting.

Peter turned it on now, biting his bottom lip as he silently urged the machine to boot faster. When it did, he began his search. 

First he started with a broad search of the crimes in Beacon Hills. Needless to say, he was a little surprised by the results. With the exception of a couple of names here and there, only recognizing the Sheriff’s, it was a dead end. Then he began searching by name, recalling the people Shuri mentioned.

All he found on Matt were lacrosse and yearbook photos, and that he’d drowned. There were no traces of drugs or alcohol in his system. There was no foul play suspected, and the accepted answer was that he’d fallen and knocked himself out in an unfortunate spot. There was no mention of Derek, or his girlfriend.

He searched Y/N Lang next, and there was even less to be found about her: a mention on a story about the lacrosse state championship, and a “Best Friends” photo in the Beacon Hills High yearbook.

Derek Hale brought him the most results, but it wasn’t anything related to the information he was after, and he didn’t know whether to be relieved or frustrated. He wasn’t explicitly mentioned the news about the fire that claimed the lives of most of his family, nor in the story about his sister’s death. 

All he found were several articles surrounding his achievements in athletics, and a “Cutest Couple” photo in the yearbook with a girl named Paige. They looked to be about Peter’s age in the picture, and he couldn’t imagine someone so young being capable of taking a life and getting away with it.

He thought about how he would feel if he lost Shuri. Not just her, but his whole family. The loss would change him, that was for sure, and he wondered if that’s what happened to Derek. And if the rumors weren’t true, he imagined that would’ve only made everything worse.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

You kissed Derek goodbye as he dropped you off at Stiles’ for your camping trip. He couldn’t go because he had baseball ‘camp’, which only meant the team had to practice during spring break while everyone else got time off. It was unfair, but as Derek enjoyed it, he didn’t mind. Thus, you learned not to mind, either.

Scott was already there, trying not to laugh at the speech Stiles was getting about being responsible with his things.

None of you were sure why you even took fishing equipment in the first place, since you never actually caught much. When you did, you would release it. It was more about relaxing and talking and splashing around in the water. A string tied to a stick would’ve served the same purpose.

Still, Noah reluctantly handed over the tackle box and rods, wishing you a fun and safe trip.

You packed all your things into the back of the jeep, recently cleared of the usual clutter of lacrosse gear, and waited for the others to arrive.

Stiles nearly choked on air when Allison pulled up in her dad’s SUV, and saw Lydia sitting in the passenger seat. Scott pat him on the back, urging him to keep it together. Apparently, the only way Allison was going to be allowed to go, was if Lydia went, too. 

He rambled on and on about how he was finally going to get his chance to impress her, and it only got worse when you made a pit stop just before heading into the forest.

Scott was in need of a two person sleeping bag, and when he ran into the new shop that had opened not too long ago, Lydia had called shotgun on the jeep before heading into the store herself.

Before Stiles could panic, or die of happiness, Kira and Isaac appeared, asking to squeeze into the back with you, stating they didn’t want to bear witness to all the cute, couply stuff between Scott and Allison.

You moved your stuff to the back of the SUV instead, and had Isaac sit in the very back of the jeep. He complained a little, but Stiles threatened to send him back to Allison’s car if he didn’t shut it.

Lydia arrived, sending Isaac an apologetic smile as she handed Scott her new tent and inflatable mattress to store in the car. You thought Stiles’ face was going to split with how wide he was grinning. Unfortunately, his joy only lasted as long as it took for Lydia to start gushing about the hot blond behind the counter.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

It was only Bucky at the shop today; Peggy had taken the twins to the academy’s pre-school, while Steve took care of preparations for their trip. Bucky, Peggy, and the kids were already packed, and Shuri’s parents offered to drive them to the airport, so all that was left to do was for Steve to pack and make sure they weren’t going to leave anything in the fridge to spoil.

Though the trip was for the kids, Bucky couldn’t help but look forward to it. He wasn’t a fan of crowds, but he would enjoy the smiles on the kids faces. Sam was meeting them there as well, and though Bucky would never admit it, he was looking forward to seeing him again, too. Mostly, he was glad that even Nat’s mood lifted considerably as the end of the week drew closer.

He looked up as the door opened, and the sheriff’s son stumbled in, looking a little panicked.

“You lose the lures again, kid?” he asked, not waiting for an answer before pointing him in the right direction. He would have laughed at the offended look the boy sent him, but his attention was caught by the laughter of two other kids standing in the doorway.

He saw the second boy’s lips moving, but he didn’t register his words. His focus was entirely on the girl smirking at the sheriff’s kid, who was now making his way toward the fishing section of the shop.

“Hey,” the other boy waved a hand in front of his face. “Are you alright?”

Bucky was snapped out of his trance, looking at the kid in front of him. “Huh?”

“You kinda look like you’re gonna be sick.”

“Scott,” you hissed. “That’s kinda rude.”

Scott grimaced, mumbling a feeble ‘sorry’. “I’m gonna go help Stiles.”

Bucky watched you watch Scott go, hoping his eyes weren’t playing tricks on him. When you faced him, he took advantage of your close proximity to match your features to those of the little girl he missed so dearly.

The likeness was uncanny; too close to be a mere lookalike. At least, that’s what he hoped.

When you frowned at him, he realized you’d said something, and were waiting on a response. “I’m sorry, what was that?”

“I asked if that was your bike outside,” you repeated, worry still etched on your face.

It took him a moment to gather his thoughts. “Oh, right, yes. Do… do you ride?” He sincerely hoped not, which he knew was a bit hypocritical.

“Nah, my dad won’t let me,” you lamented, your face relaxing again.

Dad? he wondered. Who the hell is your ‘dad’?

“Well, um, that’s good. They’re dangerous, ya know?” He chuckled nervously at the unimpressed look you gave him. “So you an enthusiast or somethin’?”

“Not really, I just have my favorites.”

“Oh? Do you drive at all?”

Bucky thought he might faint at the way your face lit up. “Yeah, I have a ’53 Skylark.”

He couldn’t believe it. “The yellow one?” he asked. They’d lived in town for about six months. For six months you’d been right under their noses.

“Mm-hm. She was a gift from my boyfriend.”

“Boyfriend?” His voice grew more strained as the conversation continued. 

“Yeah, he fixed her up for me for my sixteenth.”

“No,” he blurted. You wouldn’t turn sixteen for another couple of months. When you frowned again, he tried to play off his outburst. “No way, that’s… that’s a great gift. My nephew has a Chevelle SS we’re fixing up.”

“Nice!”

He saw you cast a glance toward your friends, and became worried that you’d join them. He wasn’t ready to say goodbye yet. “Yeah. Original parts aren’t as easy to find around here, though, so it’s uh, it’s slow going.”

“Have you tried Hale’s?” you asked, bringing your attention back to him. “They have a salvage yard behind the shop, and Peter’s always bringing in new stuff.”

Bucky actually hadn’t considered it, and made a mental note to check the place out. “You think they’ll have what I’m looking for?”

You considered his question and shrugged before pulling your phone from your pocket. “Only one way to find out.”

He watched you in awe as you scrolled through your contacts, barely registering the ringing until it stopped and a voice answered.

“Hey, Beautiful. Are you back from your trip?”

Bucky’s stomach tightened, and his heart broke a little at the way you smiled bashfully at your phone. He’d missed so much. You were so little when he’d last seen you, and now you were a young woman, possibly in love and with a life of your own.

“Not quite. Stiles lost his dad’s fishing stuff again, so we’re trying to replace what we can before heading home.” You giggled at the annoyed groan that came from the other end of the line, and Bucky bit back a sob at the sound of it. It was just like he remembered. “Yeah, anyway, I have someone here who’s looking for parts for a Chevelle Super Sport.”

“What year?”

You looked up at Bucky expectantly, and he had to swallow a few times before he found his voice. “1970.”

“What do you need?”

You smiled at Bucky, and he smiled back as he began listing the parts he needed. When the guy on the phone asked for his name to hold what parts were available for him, he watched you for any sign of recognition.

There was none.

The two boys ran up to the counter, placing handfuls of items down to be rung up. He didn’t catch the last bit of your conversation with your boyfriend, but he did manage to catch the odd looks the boys were giving him.

The sheriff’s son said something about not telling his dad, and Bucky agreed. He rung them up, quite carelessly, paying no mind to the items on the counter. He wouldn’t enjoy taking inventory later.

He didn’t care, though. The only thing that mattered was that you were about to walk out the door, and he didn’t know what to do.

“Duckling?” he whispered pleadingly. 

He wasn’t sure why he said it; a last ditch effort to get a reaction, he supposed. But you stopped. When you turned, you looked his way, but it was like you were seeing through him. The confusion on your face told him you didn’t know why you stopped, but he hoped deep down, part of you remembered.

“Y/N!” One of the boys called, pulling you from your thoughts. 

With a final wave at Bucky, you walked out and over to a blue jeep. He watched you climb into the back, missing the concerned looks the two boys exchanged.

He fought every instinct to run out and grab you and bring you home. To quell the feeling of dread at the possibility of losing you again, he reminded himself you lived in town, and unless your so-called ‘family’ moved, you shouldn’t be difficult to find.

Family. His body filled with rage at the thought of the people who’d nearly destroyed his, happily pretending you were part of theirs. He stormed to the front door and locked it, flipping the ’OPEN’ sign over.

He pulled his phone out to make a call, and stared at it. Should he call the police, or should he call Steve first? Somehow, neither option sounded like it was the right move. He settled on a contact and dialed. When no one answered, he hung up and tried again. After the fifth time, he decided to leave a message.

“Sharon, I need you to drop everything and call me back right now. Don’t tell anyone, alright? I think I found her.” He took a deep breath, knowing it was going to be hard for them to keep it from the others. “Look, I don’t wanna get anyone’s hopes up, and I need a second opinion.  I need to be sure I’m not losin’ my mind here.”

Permanent -  @melconnor2007 @ria132love @psychicwitchphilosopher @sireennotsiren @silence–in–the–library @thefridgeismybestie @hymnofthevalkyrie @abbybills22 @mvasquez492 @ek823 @nicky10876 @sophiealiice @madeof-ink @dugan365 @magnitude101999 @way-ward-whale @i-am-the-fandom-warrior @seabasstiantrash @eden-the-human-garden

Duckling - @lgkoval@charmed-1998 @broco8 @sailor-earth-1 @sincerely-kizzy

If I missed you, let me know!

[manjehaal]

Stop the World

Read on A03

Adrien circled the corner, feeling the subtle ache of the distance crossed, like a fire in his legs that kept him charging forward. That, and the flaming envelope in his coat pocket, leaving his chest pounding with anticipation.

Plagg was nuzzled close, vibrating on his shoulder with a soft purr, unaware and pleased to be unaware of the red faced kitten that was pacing the Paris sidewalk.

"This is it," he told his kwami, despite Plagg's disinterest. "I'm finally going to find out who Ladybug is."

Plagg's eyes narrowed upward, and he sighed dramatically. "And I'm never going to hear the end of this one."

Adrien ignored him, continuing to contemplate out loud as he neared the building where his lady lived.

"And I mean, I won't really be finding out who Ladybug is exactly. I'll be finding out her name."

In many ways, a name felt irrelevant after all this time. He didn't need a name and a face to know her. He already knew her better than anyone else did.

"Kid, that's the same thing."

"It's not her name that has me excited," he said, reaching a finger up to scratch the kwami's neck. "It's the dynamic."

Plagg groaned.

"Our worlds don't have to be separate anymore. We can visit each other. We can get to know each other's friends. We can cover for each other. It will be great! And then, well, there's the other thing."

"What other thing?" Plagg asked with a half interested glint in his eyes.

"The us thing."

--

There had always been some milestone that needed to be reached. Some seemingly unattainable goal that existed somewhere just out of reach before they could share identities.

First, it had been Hawkmoth. For three years it had been Hawkmoth, terrorizing the city and being the one threat that was too great to risk exposing their identities. While it had been mostly Ladybug's insistence for a while, it had become a mutual understanding, a shared promise done for the protection of each other.

But then Hawkmoth was defeated and there was distance. Adrien needed some time to himself, or at least, he claimed he did. It hadn't done him any good. It had been a summer of self isolation and it left him more hollow than he could ever imagine. The isolation was foolish, but it was almost his default. It was what he was taught to do all his life.  

Sometimes Ladybug would drop by through his bedroom window to check up on him, reminding him that it wasn't his fault and that he was nothing like his father. Sometimes it helped, sometimes it didn't. It was her presence that he appreciated, whether it involved words or not.

--

It had hurt when both Adrien and Chat had disappeared from her life around the same time.

Adrien's absence had made sense to her. With the identity of Hawkmoth being public, he had no interest in returning to school or leaving the house for that matter. She couldn't even blame him, after seeing a few days of the constant questioning, the accusations, and paparazzi. Everybody seemed to think they knew best. That he must have known his father was Hawkmoth all along, and they drug his reputation through the mud over it.

Chat's absence confused her though. Even his reaction when they had defeated Hawkmoth had been somber. She had expected some kind of celebration due to their victory, but all she got was a quick excuse, and a quiet departure in the night. Weeks passed and all his responses were friendly, but short. He didn't seem to want to meet up and he found a multitude of excuses as to why he was too busy. And if she asked for more, he would just say it would be alright, since they didn't have to look out for akumas anymore.

Perhaps he doubted her commitment to their friendship. Perhaps he didn't realize how much she cared. Was their connection completely rooted in their duty or were they the friends she thought they were. It hurt her, far more than even she expected.

With Adrien, she could pop in though his bedroom window and talk to him. Check up on him and make sure he was alright.

With Chat she couldn't. With Chat she had to rely on messages he would rarely respond to. With Chat, she had no address. With Chat, there were too many questions. Questions that he didn't want to supply answers to.

She was never angry with him though. She knew something was wrong. Very wrong. But she really just missed him. She hadn't realized how much she would miss him until she didn't see his face for weeks.

--

When he managed to pull himself through, with the help of The Gorilla and some therapy, he let himself wear the mask and ears again, taking part in casual patrols and leisure activities on the rooftops. Ladybug questioned his months of silence, but she never pushed when it was clear he was upset. She was happy to forgive his absence, initiating a lot of their meeting just to suggest hanging out instead of patrols.

It was all well and good, so she even suggested it once, letting go of the secrets.

"I think it might be okay now," she said, hugging her knees, looking at him with wide, searching eyes.

"Revealing our identities?" He asked, with a spark in his eyes, that had become a rare phenomenon since the defeat of Hawkmoth.

"Well, yes," she said, stretching out her legs and scooting to the edge of the roof where Chat was, letting her dangling ankles tap his knee. "Identities, sure."

"What am I missing, LB?"

"I've been thinking," she said, suddenly growing steely and serious.

"That's never good," he said, nudging her elbow.

She swat at him, but her eyes still held the same amount of business. "I was thinking that maybe, now that things are peaceful and we don't have to deal with akumas, we could do it. We could get to know each other without the masks and we could try... us ."

--

As soon as they talked about the possibility, that possibility was put on the back burner of their options, due to a new super villain. A new super villain that tested them both in ways they had never imagined. More than once it was a miracle that neither of them knew their partner's identity.

He was defeated in less than three years this time, but then came another war, and another, and then another. By the time the Butterfly Miraculous went missing and Lila Rossi declared herself as the new Hawkmoth, that talk about identities and trying "us" was long forgotten.

Or, it had to be forgotten.

It was too dangerous to consider with the stakes so high.

In good time, Rossi was defeated. It had been another five years and they were hardly the same people.

Everything had changed.

They were adults now. Their childhood was gone.

--

"Something else will come," Ladybug told him, landing on a large roof that had become a favorite spot. "There's always something else."

He rolled his eyes. "Wow, My Lady, way to spoil a victory."

"I'm not the one who spoils it, Chat. I just wish I could make the world stop for one minute before we get thrust into more conflict."

"I know," he said simply, laying back on the black and red polka dot blanket Ladybug had rolled out. "I wish I could stop it too."

"But we can't," she stated, pacing the roof edge.

He just sighed, finding it easy to accept that reality.

"Which is why we can't wait anymore, Chat."

He looked up at her now, seeing the soft gaze of her eyes peering down at him, simultaneously levelheaded seriousness and pink cheeked glee.

He propped himself up on one arm, intrigued by her tone. "Go on. I want to see where you're going with this."

"I love you," she said, quicker than her own lips expected, and more certain than even the ferocity of her wide-eyed determination.

She meant it, leaving him frozen in his crouched position, with shock waves tickling through his bones. He went to mimic her words, ready to let the words climb his throat as passionately as his reckless youth, but she already had something else on her tongue.

"I want to know you, Chat Noir. Your name, your face, your address, your friends...I-I'm not afraid anymore. I know we'll have more enemies and there will be danger but...I think it's worth the risk. Don't you?"

--

She had scratched the words onto the paper, like a nervous teen scribbling out their number for the first time. Sealed in an envelope, sealed tighter by Chat's firm grip on the paper.

"My address," she told him, twirling the red Sharpie between two fingers, gazing into him with an avid expression. "Come without the mask."

"Should I bring something?"

"Just yourself. That's all I want."

--

So there he was, in front of Ladybug's apartment building, tracing the lines of red ink that had decorated the paper.

He knew the handwriting. He knew it matched the valentine still pinned above his desk. He knew it resembled the pretty writing of Marinette Dupain-Cheng's notes and her flowery signature. He knew it burned through his thumb as he touched it, increasing his heart rate and boiling him under the setting sun.

He was nervous in the most bizarre way. Not because he thought he might not like the girl behind the mask, because there was no doubt in his pacing mind that he would be enamored at the sight of her.

But he felt small in front of the building, somehow convincing himself that she might not like Adrien Agreste. That she might, in one of his fleeting thoughts, be horrified and disgusted that her partner was the son of Hawkmoth.

"Kid, she loves you," Plagg said after a stretch of uneasy silence, emerging from Adrien's shoulder and hovering in front of him. "And it's as disgustingly over the top as you sometimes."  

"Yeah?" Adrien said, shivering at his insecurities and shoving the piece of paper back into the envelope and returning it to his coat pocket. "I hope that's true."

"Tikki can confirm," Plagg said with a yawn, climbing into Adrien's other pocket.

Before he could hesitate another moment, he found his knuckles tapping the wooden door, vibrating as he pulled away, struck with lightning at the thought of what this would mean for them.

A small squeak could be heard from the other end, and a rumble of fallen objects and clattering footsteps. Clearly had tied her heart into a knot and that relieved him. He was so thankful that she was just as on edge as he was.

When the door swung open to reveal Marinette's ashen face, accented by an immediate feverish smile, Adrien sunk into himself, feeling like he was walking slowly through a mystifying dream.

There was an instant moment of eye contact as she gripped the door, with eyes growing monstrous at the sight of him. She seemed taken aback for a moment, which startled him, but then her wide eyes crinkled up into a warm smile, and she burst out into a little giggle. "Adrien Agreste," she said fondly, moving to stand across from him in the doorway. "Of course."

Adrien still hadn't found a way to connect Marinette with Ladybug, even if it didn't shock him. But there was an instantaneous oh that lit up in his brain. He couldn't help but be delighted at the sight of her, offering her no words other than the content stare he slipped into as she whispered his name again, without the disdain that Adrien had feared.

"Marinette," he finally said back, heart souring. "Marinette," he said again, amazed by how much he loved her name on his tongue. Amazed by how much more he loved Ladybug despite that he had been bursting at the seams since he was fourteen years old.

"It's you," she said, and her cheeks were a feathery pink. "Of course, it's you. All this time…"

"I love you," Adrien couldn't help but blurt out, finding his face smiling without restraints to control or the will to force it. "I love you so much."

"I…" she said, looking into his sour apple eyes. "I love you."

Adrien could hear Plagg's snicker and Tikki's little sigh, but that didn't keep him from darting forward to embrace his princess, relieved to finally meet her lips after so many years of not being allowed to.

Marinette's elated hum flooded him with life, causing him to deepen his movements, holding her tight as they instinctively tiptoed through the doorway.

"Bugaboo," he whispered, running his fingers through her loose black hair. "Is that a yes?"

"Hmm," she mumbled against his lips. "To what?" She asked, resting her forehead against his nose.

"The us thing?"

"Worth a try," she mumbled, pushing him gently toward the couch and crashing into him again.

--

"I just can't believe it," she said, spread out on the patio. "I can't believe I got this lucky."

Adrien didn't quite know how to respond to that so he rolled over and kissed her forehead. "Yeah."

"It's just...you're the boy."

He raised his eyebrows. "Boy? What boy?"

She giggled. "The boy I said I loved, back during our first year. Remember? The one that stood in your way."

His confused expression quickly turned into amusement, and he began to submerge himself in laughter, starting with a soft chuckle and then growing until he was shaking on the patio floor with tears in his eyes. "Of course," he said, gasping for breath. "Of course I'm the boy."

She joined in, fitting her cheek in the crook of his neck. "Of course."

"A question," he startled again, still wiping away tears from his cheeks. "Did you answer my poem?"

She laughed harder, squeaking out a "yes" as she rolled onto her stomach.

"We're really stupid," he said after they had both calmed down.

She snorted. "The stupidest."

"It's so obvious."

"I know!"

"Maybe we share one brain cell."

Marinette shrugged. "I don't know. I'd be surprised if we even had one brain cell combined."

"Here's how I see it, Princess."

"Yeah?"

"This is final confirmation that we are made for each other."

She groaned. "I hate it."

He kissed her cheek. "Yeah, sure you do."

She melted into his side, muttering something under her breath. All he could make out was something about a stupid cat.

[sandersstudies]

Quirky - Chapter 6

A High School Superhero AU - Sanders Sides

(Will add tag list in a reblog! If I miss you, please let me know ASAP - As always, asks, comments, messages, reblogs, and keysmashes are more than welcome.)

Chapter Seven ->

<- Chapter Five

<<- Chapter One

You can now also find the fic with the same username and title on AO3 :) Fell free to stop by and leave kudos!

***

Logan leaned over the edge of the guardrail to gaze into the ruined city below. He squinted, but without his glasses he couldn’t see much more than the blurry shapes of the buildings. Virgil and Roman were just smudges on the ground, and both vanished from sight as they walked under overhanging beams.

A moment later there was a faint groaning from below which rose suddenly to a roar as one of the massive beams began to slide to one side. Logan felt a cry rising in his throat just as the beam suddenly froze in its path and went lumbering through the air in the other direction and smashing against a building, where it broke and fell to the ground as rubble. A cloud of dust and debris rose so wide that Virgil and Roman were totally hidden from view. Logan turned to look for Mx. Stokes and Mr. Picani, but several other students were already screaming for them

Logan squinted, but there was no chance of seeing to the ground. He started down the stairs as quickly as he could. It was difficult to see where each step ended, so he ran with a guess. He tripped once, but caught himself with a wild flailing of his arms. He could hear the teachers trying to restore calm, and hoped they weren’t watching him. Without his glasses even his quirk was weak. Well, even weaker than usual.

The dust was beginning to settle when Logan reached the bottom of the steps, but it didn’t help much with his blurry vision. The beam had made a depression in one of the buildings, but the other damage was minor. Logan resisted a cough.

“Virgil? Roman?”

A sudden blast of light emerged from the buildings, and Logan saw Virgil’s silhouette (too short to be Roman’s) illuminated for a moment before Roman followed his glowing hand into the open. He was using one arm to shield his mouth and nose, and the other to light his way; he seemed otherwise unharmed.

“What the hell is wrong with you?” he yelled through his arm after two throat-clearing coughs. The dust was settling, and Logan could see Virgil standing between him and Roman. Both boys were so dirty from the settling dust that their blue uniform jackets were now khaki in color. “What the hell did you do?” Roman insisted. He dropped his arm and even through his blurry vision Logan could tell that the other boy looked vaguely shell-shocked.

Virgil was shaking wildly as he tried to gesticulate an answer. “You..you hit the buildi— you knocked down the beam.”

“Knocked down?” Roman yelled. “That thing went flying through the air, you maniac! You could have killed somebody!”

“I saw it,” Logan said.

“Oh, so you’re here now,” Roman said, noticing Logan for the first time. “You didn’t see jack shit without these.” He chucked a blob at Logan, who caught it and looked down to recognize his glasses inside a sphere of Kai’s polypeptide gel. The durable nature of the material made it difficult to break into, but the glasses seemed unharmed

“Logan, what did you see?” Virgil asked.

Logan tried to break through the outer layer of gel to his glasses. “Unfortunately, not much. I was at a height of multiple stories and without my usual lenses. The beam did certainly behave outside the law of gravity. It began to slide downward, and then suddenly jerked upward and into that building.”

“Mess up halfway through trying to crush me, huh?” Roman growled. “The hell kind of quirk do you have?” He was very near Virgil, and had one finger raised as if to jab him.

Virgil was bristling. “Shut up, lightbulb,” he said, still unsteady but no longer stuttering. “I just saved your stupid life.”

“You just better stay out of my way, pipsqueak,” Roman said. “And you.” He reversed his finger to point to Logan. “Don’t lose your damn glasses again, okay?”

Logan didn’t have a moment to come up with a response before he was interrupted by a shout from above. Mr. Picani was almost falling down the stairs, and came to the base out of breath.

“You boys okay?” he asked, hands extended as if prepared to shield them. “Mx. Stokes said that all the safety settings are still in operation, no idea what happened.”

“We’re fi-,” Virgil said.

“We don’t know what happened either,” Roman said over Virgil. “But we got the glasses back. Sir.”

“All that matters is that everybody’s fine,” Mr. Picani insisted, ushering them toward the stairs. “We can replace glasses, but we can’t replace our students.”

Virgil and Roman didn’t speak on the trek back up the stairs, but even without his glasses Logan could see the tension between the two.

“Are you really all right?” he asked Virgil once they’d come out of the building and Roman had jogged a few steps ahead. Mx. Stokes has quelled the students’ panic and was escorting them onto the bus.

“Fine,” Virgil said. “Just real sick of Roman.”

“I can tell you don’t like him very much,” Logan said. He finally ripped his glasses free of their gooey prison and then leaned down in a confidential whisper. “To be completely frank, I share your sentiments.”

Virgil stifled a laugh. “Thanks.”

Mx. Stokes repeated Mr. Picani’s concerns as they got to the bus, and then smiled broadly once they confirmed they were all right.

“You kids will get to play in the zones soon enough,” Mx. Stokes promised, brushing dust off of Virgil’s shoulder. “But I don’t need you guys down there without training.” They checked the boys off their checklist and gave a friendly wave. “Last thing we need is another UA accident!”

Mr. Picani paused outside the bus to say something to the other teacher as Logan and Virgil climbed on. There was only one empty pair of seats left near the front of the bus, and Logan stepped aside in the aisle. Virgil paused, and then slid in first.

“You don’t want the window?” he asked.

“You didn’t seem to like the aisle on the ride here,” Logan said. “Would you like to switch?”

“No, that’s fine.” Virgil shrunk a little and stared out the window. Logan hoped he wasn’t offended. He glanced out the door of the bus. Mx. Stokes was patting Mr. Picani on the shoulder, and the two parted as the bus’ engine started.

Logan wasn’t sure if the other students thought the same, but it was nice to see two professional heros with such a friendship. In the media heroes were often in hot competition, or at the best participated in work-required teams. In the real world, however, Logan had now seen the great Glass pat Mesmerman on the shoulder like an old friend.

He settled against his seat as the bus pulled away. He was tempted to ask Virgil more about what had happened in the Ruins Zone, but wasn’t sure how to begin, so they rode in silence for several minutes as the students behind them babbled about the visit.

“Hey,” Virgil said after a while.

Logan glanced up.

“You have…” Virgil tapped his temple. “Some goo on your glasses, still.”

***

Despite the unanticipated loss of Logan’s glasses and collapse in the Ruins Zone, the class arrived back at UA just as lunch was beginning, and Logan and Virgil were joined by Remigius, who offered them sticks of gum which they refused before he popped three into his own mouth.

“Pretty wild what happened down there,” he said. “I saw that beam go flying. You got your glasses back though, I see.” This last part was to Logan, who nodded. Remy blew a bubble, and there was a moment of pause before it popped. “You must have some quirk, little dude,” he said to Virgil. “Because I know that wasn’t Ro’s handiwork by a long shot.”

Virgil shrunk and laughed stiffly.

“Let’s get in the line before it gets too long,” Logan suggested, and Virgil followed. Remigius had a paper bag in one hand, and split off to seat himself at a table.

“You don’t seem to like Remigius asking too many questions,” Logan said as they waited.

“He’s a fine guy,” Virgil said. “Just...yeah.”

“I understand.”

“Thanks.”

When they filed back into the classroom after lunch, Mr. Picani was writing in large strokes on the board: UA SPORTS FESTIVAL. A few students oohed and ahhed.

“Before you begin your final classes of the day,” Mr. Picani said, “I wanted to remind you all that next week begins the annual sports festival here at UA. I’m sure you’re all familiar with it, but we’ll be going over a few details today and discussing it in more length in your Hero Studies classes this week.”

The UA Sports Festival was televised every year; with the most prestigious hero program in the country, it was hardly surprising that so many people tuned in. Professional heroes and scouts often contacted the school following the festival with early offers for apprenticeships and nominations to high-ranking students.

“Preliminaries will be after lunch on Monday,” Mr. Picani said. “The top forty-two students to complete the preliminaries will pass into the main festival rounds. Remember that not only hero students, but also students in your grade from the support, management, and general courses will be participating. Therefore, no hero suits will be permitted on the field.” Several hands had flown into the air. “Hold your questions for now, as we’re a little short on time,” Mr. Picani said. “But begin thinking about your plans for the festival; as first-year students, you’ll be presented as heroes-in-training to the public for the first time.” He underlined the words he’d written on the board. “I’ll get out of the way of Mx. Talyn for your science class now.”

Logan found that even he had trouble focusing on biology while thinking about the sports festival. He stared at a Bunsen burner on the windowsill and began drawing its component parts absentmindedly in his notebook. He began making lines to start labeling the drawing, and realized that they looked like a sports bracket. He turned the page. He usually enjoyed Mx. Talyn’s lessons, but now he could only hear a vague chattering in the background as he drew a full bracket, beginning with sixteen contenders. Of the forty-two entrants to the first round, only sixteen proceeded on to the one-on-one rounds. Those would be the students to receive the most media attention.

The hero course was divided into two sections, 1-A and 1-B, with 1-A being Logan’s class and both classes containing twenty students. The support, management, and general classes were of the same size and almost equally prestigious, but didn’t focus on hero techniques or quirk use. There were occasionally dramatic underdog stories, like a strong-quirked general student making it into the semifinals, but usually the other classes were trumped by the hero students. Logan tapped his pen against his desk. If classes 1-C through 1-K contained twenty students each as well, then there was a total of 220 students attending UA, and only forty-two slots in the festival.

“Putnett squares are an excellent display for genetic odds,” Mx. Talyn said, drawing a two-by-two chart on the board. “We can see how likely an outcome is using this visual.”

If we’re going to talk odds… Removing other benefits and deficiencies, any individual student had a 19% chance to conquer the preliminaries, and a 7% chance to enter the one-on-one rounds. Logan tried to remember previous years. Hero students were far more likely to pass the preliminaries, but that was no guarantee. He also had no idea about the quality of the second hero class, 1-B, who had the benefit of not losing their homeroom teacher in the first week of the school year. Logan wished he had the previous years’ data in front of him. Making it to the festival would be an excellent initial promotion into his hero career.

Of course, Logan mused, every other student would be thinking the same thing. Virgil was splaying pencil spirals in his notebook, and Roman had spaced out in the direction of the board. Kai’s nose was running again. Logan sporadically took off his glasses to clean them against his shirt.

The rest of the school day was much the same. Students were quiet but unfocused in class, and loud and with a single goal between classes. Roman’s posse sans Roman were an especial contributor.

“My mom remembers seeing Mr. Picani at the festival when I was a baby!” Rafaela announced. “She told me as soon as she heard he was one of our teachers.”

“That’s crazy, Mr. Picani and the other teachers were just like us not so long ago,” Kenny responded.

“That was the year the villain Spite threatened the city,” Kai said. “That was what first made Multiman famous.”

“He’d only just graduated, too,” Rafaela said.

Virgil turned in his seat to stare at Logan. “Sports festival, huh?”

“It’s a great opportunity,” Logan said. “What are you thinking?”

“Thinking I’ll be lucky to make it past the preliminaries.” He swung his feet back and forth under the desk and swiveled to look at the empty seat behind him. “Too bad Terrence is sick, he won’t hear about it.”

“We’ll fill him in tomorrow,” Logan said. “He and I are from the same neighborhood. We walk home together and I can tell him about it.”

“So you won’t be walking with him today, then,” Virgil said.

“Not today, I’ll miss him.”

“Well...I wouldn’t want to replace Terrence or anything, but I’ll walk with you. If you want.”

Logan blinked. It was a kind offer, but Virgil always left the school in the opposite direction; they weren’t from the same neighborhood. “Don’t you go west when school ends?

“Right, nevermind, sorry,” Virgil said. “I was just thinking I could walk you home and then...turn around and go back. It’s silly.”

Logan suspected the arrangement was not for Virgil’s convenience, and supposed that the only alternative motivation was that Virgil enjoyed spending time with Logan. It would be rude to crush his suggestion. “You can’t live too far from school,” he said. “Are you near West Midoriya Hospital?”

“Just a few blocks from there,” Virgil said.

“My mother’s studio is near there,” Logan said. “We could walk to your house and she could come to get me when she leaves work.”

“Oh, you don’t want to come to my place,” Virgil raised his hands defensively.

“Well, you wanted to come to mine.”

“Isn’t that a little out of your way?”

“Not as far out of the way as your walking me home and turning around would be.”

“You got me.”

***

Logan didn’t walk often on the west side of town, so he tried to take in the route Virgil walked by rote, in case he ever needed to find his way again. A text from his mother confirmed she could pick him up at five, so he only regretted he hadn’t put a snack in his backpack in the morning.

He and Virgil had plenty to talk about with the upcoming sports festival, so the subject of the strange event in the Ruins Zone did not come up again, and the walk — longer than Logan’s usual one — did not seem long at all, and they soon arrived at a small brick apartment building. Logan followed Virgil through the lobby and up a flight of stairs, where Virgil let himself into apartment 208.

There were many photos on the walls of the apartment, most of them of Virgil and a women Logan assumed was Virgil’s mother. One recent picture, of Virgil’s middle school graduation, was placed prominently near the front door. The other photos stretched back through Virgil’s childhood. There was one of him staring grumpily at the camera in corduroy overalls and a fresh haircut on his first day of kindergarten, and a photo of the haircut itself; young Virgil’s eyes squinted at the clippers as they sheared off several inches of his dark hair and left behind buzzed sides. There was a photo of his first birthday, his mother crouched over his shoulder to blow out the candle of a cupcake for him. Baby Virgil’s eyes were wide in admiration of the tiny flame, the same color as his lacey birthday dress.

“Ugh, ignore those,” the teenage version of Virgil said to Logan. “My mom sure likes taking photos.” Virgil’s mother looked a lot like her son, with dark hair and a thin but lively face.

“They’re nice,” Logan said. “Thanks again for having me over.”

“It’s no big deal.” Virgil slumped his backpack off next to a coat rack before wandering toward the kitchen. “Do you want, uh...soda?”

“Sure,” Logan said, following. The kitchen connected to a small living room and held a two-chair table with folded leaves. There were two doors across the room, one slightly ajar to reveal part of a bathroom sink and mirror. More photos were on the wall, some of a younger version of Virgil’s mother sans Virgil. Her hair had been longer back then. There were also some of Virgil’s childhood drawings in frames and two pride flags pinned on the closed door, one bisexual and one, smaller and newer, trans.

“Sorry, I don’t host much,” Virgil said. “That’s the bedroom over there, and I sleep on the foldout. That’s about it. Do you want a cream soda or a Hero-Cola?” He squatted in front of the fridge.

“Cream soda,” Logan said. “Thank you.” He glanced back at the photos on the wall, trying to think how to continue the conversation. “What’s your mother like?”

“She’s cool,” Virgil said, getting a Hero-Cola for himself. “She’s just busy. She went back to school and all a couple years ago, so now she studies and writes her management thesis every night after work.” He snapped his soda open with a satisfying crack. “She wants to build a better life for us and all, you know?”

Logan nodded. “She sounds very nice.” He fumbled again for a way to continue the conversation. “My mother is a photographer too.”

“That’s cool,” Virgil said as he sunk into one of the two chair seats. “Do you want to…”

“Sure,” Logan was already moving to sit, and set his backpack on the floor. “Um...is that one yours?” He pointed at the bisexual flag.

“My mom’s,” Virgil said.

“Oh.” Logan’s brief playground romance with Corbin meant he’d never “come out” to his middle school friends, but besides Terrence he wasn’t sure how many of his A-1 classmates had taken the hint yet.

“I’m actually gay,” Virgil said suddenly, shattering Logan’s mental image of strutting into UA wearing a rainbow flag as a cape.

“Oh!” Logan said, so loud that Virgil flinched. “No, that’s great! No, no, I mean, me too!”

“Oh,” Virgil said, quieter and longer than Logan had.

Logan felt heat rising in his ears. “So, about the festival, I think you said you taped last year’s competition?”

“Yeah,” Virgil said, leaping onto this new topic. “On a VHS, can you believe it? Surprised the machine even still works. Want to watch it?”

“I was just thinking today how helpful it would be for my notes if I could analyze previous competitions.” Logan reached into his backpack and fumbled for a minute. “I was running the numbers today and — oh here it is.” He produced the notebook and flipped a few pages. “Any individual student has a 19% chance to pass the preliminaries, but as hero students, I’m almost certain the chance is much higher, but I just don’t have the data.”

“Eleven years ago, only seven non-hero students passed, and only two made it to the one-on-one,” Virgil mused.

“Eleven years ago?”

Virgil rolled his eyes as he stood to cross into the living room. “My mom taped that one for me when I was little. I watched it so many times the tape broke, but I remember every detail. Picani was in his final year then, you know. He’s only twenty-nine now.” He knelt down and shuffled DVDs under the TV. “Here’s the one from last year.” Virgil glanced over his shoulder. “We can watch it for uh...your notes.”

“That would be excellent.”

[aaronhart93-archive]

lunch ll jaycee & aaron

Discord thread featuring: Aaron & @jayceelynd

Mentions: @romanbeckett @alison-haynes @davieslandon

When: Monday, July 6, 2020

Description: Aaron and Jaycee make up

Trigger Warnings: none

Aaron.

Aaron literally could not believe that Jaycee that had asked him to meet for lunch, but he certainly wasn't going to say no. Jaycee had been his friend for so long, and not being able to take her everyday really fucking sucked. He knew that it was his fault though. He nearly stopped caring about what he was doing to Jaycee by getting together with Roman. He knew it was wrong and he was determined to make up for it. He didn't know how, but he knew he needed to. Seeing Jaycee's face again, prompted Aaron to grin so wide and pulled her in for one of the biggest hugs he'd ever given. And Aaron was a great hugger. "Thank you so much for suggesting this." He said before Destiny hopped from her chair to give her Auntie Jaycee a big hug around her long legs. "as you can see you've been missed by all." he said with a chuckle.

Jaycee.

It had truly broken her heart what Roman and Aaron had done, the way it was done. It was as if her feelings didn’t even matter. As if her side by Roman all that time was easily replaced. So fast, and so quick. When she saw him, her eyes lit up with a smile, tears filling ready to spill as she snuggled her face into his neck. Jaycee held onto him tightly, and laughed as she silently cried when Des hugged her legs. “I missed you both too, so much.” She choked out. Jaycee never wished how alone she felt on anyone. Not even her worst possible enemy, she was just that kind of person. Levi hid behind Jaycee as he watched Des with a crooked little smirk like his dad. Her breath hiccuping as she laughed at both of the kids joining the hug. Truthfully she didn’t want to pull away but they did need to feed the kids at least. Allowing herself to melt into his hug before she pulled back, patting at her eyes. Mouthing sorry about choking up. “I really am thankful you agreed to lunch.” Kissing his cheek before she bent down and picked up Des and spun her, both of them laughing. “Destiny this is Levi, Levi say Hi to Destiny.” She pronounces Destinys name slowly and he simply just said Hi. Looking up from the kids she laughed scrunching her nose. Jaycee loved her niece more than words could form. She had always looked at her as if she was truly her blood, and would hurt anyone that hurt her.

Aaron.

Aaron had been extremely lonely since him and Roman had broken up. It wasn't until he stopped spending everyday with Roman that he realized how many people he had lost when he got together with Roman. It made him think that maybe the choice that they had made to take a break might have been a good idea. Between Jaycee, Landon, and Alison he had fought and lost too many people. Aaron watched her with pleading eyes as she started tearing up. "Jayc.." he began as they hugged. God, he missed her hugs. He could stay like that all day. He hated seeing her cry, but he was a little happy that she was so glad to see him. Aaron's eyes drifted down to the toddler hiding behind the model. "Hi, Levi. I'm Aaron. Destiny's dad." he grinned, waving down to him. Aaron missed seeing her so much; he really had taken her friendship for granted. He especially missed see her with Destiny. He knew that Jaycee loved Destiny just as much as if she were her blood niece. He pulled his friend in for one more quick hug before he told her daughter to sit down next to him.

Jaycee.

Levi did this little backwards wave, waving at himself as he waved at Aaron the locked his big blue eyes back to Jaycee, reaching for her. Hugging him back one last time, she picked Levi up and sat him in the booster seat and fastened him in, handing him his sippy cup. “I kinda want potato soup, like a loaded backed potato soup, with Cajun chicken salad.” She hummed as she looked over at Des and made a silly face at her, laughing at Des’ silly face. “She always wins at these faces..” she sighed dramatically, bringing laughter from the two little ones. “He looks like his daddy, doesn’t he?” She asked Aaron with a smile, and shine to her hazel eyes. Looking over at him she gave him an assuring smile as she placed her pointer finger to her dimple in her chin, winking. Their own little friendship shake so to speak. It was her throwing a white flag at being mad at him or Roman. “I know you’re going to say I don’t owe you an apology but I do for the way I acted. I’m not saying it wasn’t deserved, or that I shouldn’t be hurt or mad. But I am sorry for how I made anyone feel. I can never take back anything I’ve said. I’m sorry.” She said softly as she finished her speech she caught Levi’s flying cup, only to laugh. “Keeping us on our toes.” She nuzzled her nose to the little boys, causing him to grab her face. Looking over the kid menu she decided on getting him a grilled cheese and chicken noodle soup with dinosaur shaped noodles. “What are you two gonna get?” She asked as she closed her menu, taking a drink of her iced water.July 7, 2020

Aaron.

Aaron's kid was continuously standing on the booth and putting practically her entire torso over the table to color, and Aaron was continuously reminding her to sit down and that that was fine behavior at home, but in public he was asking her to sit down. She would listen to him for about 2 minutes before standing back up on her feet again to hover over the table. Aaron tempted her to sit down the promise of a cookie for dessert which finally may have worked. "She's the best at them isn't she?" he mused, giving his daughter a tiny poke in the stomach as he laughed along with them. The businessman brought his attention over to the little boy sitting across from them. His eyes traced over the toddler's facial features, placing which ones looked like his father's. "Yeah." he nodded. Although he hadn't seen Lane in a while, the resemblance was obvious. The corners of his lips turned up into a little smile when he felt her finger on his chin. He reached out pressed down on her dimple lightly. A wave of relief rushed over him. He had had all of this stressed built up about how he made Jaycee feel and how mad she was it him. It was nice to feel forgiven; especially since it seemed like the whole world hated him. "Thank you." he grabbed her hand and gave it a light squeeze. "I totally deserved it, and I'm so so sorry Jaycee. I wish this was different." He really had just put Jaycee on the back burner after they had gotten back from Europe. He had nearly given up on their friendship, and that wasn't fair. He needed to fight for her. His eyes widened as he jumped up a little bit when the toddler dropped his cup. "Those things never end, except when they're older they insisted on having a big kid cup which make even bigger spills." he said with a tiny laugh. "I dunno...What do you want, baby?" he turned to his daughter to show her the options she had for lunch. "Chicken fingers." she demanded, without even looking at the menu. "That was easy." he laughed. "This shrimp bisque sounds amazing for me. And a chicken caeser salad sounds good too because I'm basic." he mused.

Jaycee.

Squeezing his hand back, holding onto it longer than needed. She really missed her best friend. She was definitely in her loneliest state for the past few weeks. If it wasn’t for Lane, she probably would have done something dangerously stupid. Holding onto hope all can be okay again, someone to have movie nights with. Playing games with Destiny and just getting shit faced while picking on one another. “Oh I just can’t wait for the bigger messes.” She snorted out in laughter. Looking over at Levi, her eyes shined with love for the boy she’s barely known for long. But she knew off him and watched from a car as Lane raised him. Playing with his curls. “Yeah it’ll be stressful, but.” She looked over at Aaron. “When they’re grown we’ll miss it.” Smiling softly as she blushed, feeling like an idiot. “Oh, now I want a chicken with bacon, almonds and lots of avocado.” She hummed. “Should I get him chicken nuggets or a grilled cheese..” her brows furrowed. She was so new at this and needed help from her friend. Giving Aaron a pleading look of if she was doing this kid thing right. He knew she had a fear of being a shitty mom, because of her monster of a mother.

Aaron.

Aaron returned the squeeze. Ha hated not being there for her when she needed him most, and he especially hated that he was apart of her hurt. He wanted to put all of that behind them and he wised so desperately that she could. He was so thankful that he had Jaycee in his life; that she loved his daughter with all of her heart. Having a friend love you is one things, but having one that loves your kid just as much as their own is something very unique. He couldn't let go of that. "I can't even think about Destiny growing up. It makes me dizzy just thinking about it." he shook his head. "I mean, it feels like yesterday that Ali was telling me she was pregnant. I was so scared and now I can't imagine my life without her." It was true that Destiny made him really fucking soft. Aaron smiled when she asked him for advice. "Just ask him." he told her, knowing how important it was to make sure that kids knew about personal choice and autonomy. "He's 2 so I think he's older enough to know what he likes and what he doesn't." He lowered his voice. "If not, just get both and I'll eat the rest." he mused.

Jaycee.

Jaycee was helping Levi color on his picture, writing his name down and smiled down at him. “I don’t want him to grow too fast either. It’s crazy.” She looked up at Aaron with a smile. “She’s not allowed to grow up, we’ve had these conversations on our tea time dates. And she said I can’t help it! I tried to stop growing..” she laughed softly as blew a kiss at Destiny. “Levi do you want grilled cheese or chicken nuggets?” She asked him pointing at the pictures of the food as she named them. “Ticken” she yelled all proud of himself causing her to scrunch her nose at his cuteness. “Inside voices remember” she said softly. “Listen I know you had your heart set on helping him eat what he didn’t but the boy has spoken.” She teased Aaron, thinking of throwing her paper straw wrapper at him but didn’t cause what kind of aunt would teach her niece bad behavior. The waitress came and Levi wanted out of his booster seat to be in Jaycee’s arms. Of course she held him as his little head rested on her shoulder. “Is he falling asleep?” She asked Aaron because all the sudden the boy got warm and she’s figured out with time that he gets warm as he’s drifting off. “Levi, you wanna eat?” She asked soothingly and nothing. Making a silly face at Des and Aaron. “Well looks like daddy is gonna eat chicken nuggets after all” she joked as she put Levi in the stroller, Aaron had brought for them. Jaycee was thankful that she had the strength to put everything aside, and move on with their lives. Hopefully as if it never happened one day. There was so much she wanted to share with him, but was scared with everything that’s happened. Gently she swooped one of the curls out of the little boys face as he napped. “I think I’d be lost if his dad wasn’t here.. Ya know?” Looking up at Aaron with a soft smirk. “It’s crazy and scary all in one right now. But I’m taking each day as it comes. That’s all I can do, right”.

Aaron.

Aaron looked at the boy, then at Jaycee. It was clear that she already had love for him. That was Jaycee though. She had so much love for other people around her. It was something Aaron admired about her. "I keep telling her being an adult is no fun, but she doesn't want to believe me." he shrugged. "She gets everything handed to her on a silver platter and still continues to grow on me."he mused, poking her in the stomach gently causing her to go into a fit of laughter. Aaron chuckled. "Hey, the little man's got to eat." he joked. The way that kid said "chicken" was too damn cute. Aaron ordered for himself and his daughter before peering over at the little man across from him, heavy eye lids falling. "Yep. Kid's knocked. That was fast." he laughed. Aaron was happy that he and Jaycee were talking like they normally would again. He missed this. He missed Jaycee in his life. "Listen, I thought that the first time Ali went on tour after we had Des. She was still so young and I didn't think I could do it alone. But I did it, and it was so empowering knowing that I could take care of a whole other tiny human being like that. I mean... I had to have been 22...23 maybe. I grew up really fast when I had her. But honestly, you have that paternal bone. I didn't and had to learn it as I went. It comes naturally for you though." he told her. "Honest."July 10, 2020

Jaycee.

”Did we listen to our parents?” Tilting her head with a shit eating grin on her face, followed by the look of come on now, we’re not that old! “She gets her stubbornness from you and Ali. You more so!” She teased him, not able to not laugh. Looking down at Levi sleeping peacefully and hummed, wishing she was holding him still. Jaycee loved holding sleeping babies so much, she missed the snuggles of Destiny as a tiny baby. “I feel like she’s grown in a blink, man.” She shook her head, playing with her glass of water. Jaycee truly missed this normalcy with her best friend, they had been through too much to not be in one another’s lives. “I think you did awesome, you hardly needed my help. I observed trust me!” She chuckled softly. “Thank you, I wish I was in his life sooner. Like I missed so much, but I don’t know.. He just. I love him.” She shrugged with a soft smile. “Like with my princess..” she made a silly face at Destiny to play with her. “I would never not treat her as my blood, I loved her the second you introduced us. I feel that for him too.” She nodded her head, as if agreeing with herself in some way. “I can’t wait to be a mom now, and that scares me. I have always been so scared to be like my mom if I had a daughter. I refused to even think of being a mom. Now as time has passed and I’ve watched this angel grow and how happy she makes you. I want that, and I believe I can be better than my mom, ya know?”July 11, 2020

Aaron.

Oh, god. They never listened to their parents. Always sneaking off and getting into some kind of trouble when they were kids. "If Des is gonna take after her father, then she won't listen to me at all." she said, looking over at his blonde-haired kid who was more interested in her drawing than the conversation. "Yeah we're both pretty hard headed, but hopefully that'll make her a little badass." he mused. He truly hoped that one day his daughter would grow up to be able to control a room like her parents. "I know, you better cherish these terrible twos," he said as he pointed to the sleeping toddler, "because they honestly aren't so bad coming out of it." he told her. "Thanks, I think I did pretty good too." he sang. Aaron smiled lightly at Jaycee when she told him that she loved that toddler. Jaycee was so full of love; people should consider themselves lucky to be loved by her because she loved so hard. The businessman shook his head. "You're nothing like your mom, J." he promised her. "You're going to be a great mom." he gave her a reassuring smile. "By the way, I brought you your birthday present." He said, as he grabbed the gift bag from under the double stroller and slid it across the table to her. "It's that bag you wanted in Paris and another thing I just bought for you recently." With he breakup, he had been doing a little too much retail therapy.July 18, 2020

Jaycee.

”See what these two don’t realize is we have technology on our side.” She laughed as she took a drink. God they would have been dead if their parents had use of technology like they do now. Jaycee knew her niece was destined to do amazing things with her life. She has so many people that love her and want to see her thrive. And if Levi is like his daddy, she knows he’ll be okay too. “I mean if I get stressed over tantrums. I end up laughing about it later. So far, he hasn’t had that many. Thank god. And you should feel like you have, because you definitely have, Aaron.” Knocking on the wood as to not jinx herself. “In the end I just want them to happy, safe and healthy.” Jaycee ran the back of her fingers over the sleeping boys chubby cheeks. “I want to be a mom so bad, always have..” she said almost absent mindedly, clearing her throat as she looked at the gift back. “Aaron..” she closed her eyes remembering what she told him to do with the bag.. “I don’t deserve anything. I was really rude.. This.” Waving at their table. “Is enough, for me.” Opening the present she smiled at the purse and tried it on, it was so pretty and just what she envisioned. Noticing something else in the gift back she grabbed it and looked up at him while opening it slowly. “Aaron..” she said slowly, laughing faintly. Her jaw dropping, then closing. “It’s beautiful..” she got up and hugged him tightly. “Thank you both for the gifts..” After their hug she sat back down just in time for their food to be brought out, and like clock work Levi woke up, reaching for her. “Her, little buddy” she cooed as she got him settled in her lap and helped him eat, while trying to eat her food as well.July 19, 2020

Aaron.

Aaron snorted. "God, it's like that Black Mirror episode when the mom puts a chip in daughter so that she can see and hear everything she does." He joked. "I'm pretty sure the daughter ended up killing her mom at the end of that show. In all honesty, I can't blame her; that was wack." He chuckled to himself, then shook his head. "Yeah, they are really annoying at the time but when it's all over and done with and you have some time to yourself or when they start being cute again, you forgive them quickly and try to be understanding." He nodded, then glanced briefly over at his kid. He blue eyes fell to Jaycee and the toddler as she mused about having a baby. He knew she wanted one, and she knew chances of having one of her own were slim. Which broke his heart because he knew it broke hers. He still had faith she was going to find someway to be a mom. "No, you deserve it. But I'm happy that you're happy with this." He gave her a comforting smile. "You're welcome. I'm glad you like them." He grinned to himself, then stood up to hug her tightly. Aaron thanked the server when they brought out the food and started cutting up his kid's food for her and told her several times that she needed to wait for her food to cool down for a couple more seconds before she put a hot fry in her mouth.

Jaycee.

Jaycees head fell back as she laughed at his statements of how whack that situation is. “I can’t with you..!” She continued to giggle, sighing as she finally stopped laughing. A few short chuckles here and there. “Oh, I can’t stay mad at them. Neither of these two could ever make me not love them. Even if someone gets sassy and adult like.” She looked over at her niece who was still in her own world, smirking. “This one, is gonna have so many after him too and ugh. I have stressed over Des, and now Levi. Lord, imma need Xanax or something.” She joked easily, but it was the truth. She hated the idea of Des growing older, but loved watching her grow.  Oh the confusion of loving a child. And now add in Lanes boy. “How could I not love him, he’s beautiful, and so sweet.” She did have a bit of sadness behind her eyes with the cards she’d been dealt, but he dulled the ache. Letting the food cool she put Levi in his seat and opened the box again and took it out trying to get it on. Jaycee chewed on her tongue while having a struggle. Sighing, she laughed and smiled at her friend sweetly. “Will you help me?” She asked as she held her tiny wrist out with the bracelet dangling.July 21, 2020

Aaron.

Just the sound of his friend's laugh made his grin even wider. He shook his head when they finally stopped laughing. "Listen, she likes to think she's grown, and had no idea that she's gonna want to be a kid again when she actually is grown." He mused. Aaron shook his head once again. "You won't need Xanax, Jayc. You're gonna do just fine, promise." He reassured his friend. Aaron smiled, pleased that she wanted to put the piece of jewelry on now. He put the bracelet around her wrist and clasped the chain together, thick fingers fumbling to get the hook through the tiny hole. "There. Beautiful." He mused when he finally was able to get it around her slim wrist. He picked his fork back up and continued with his food, checking in with Des to make sure that she was doing okay and encouraging her to take a few more bites of food when she insisted that she was done. "Thanks for suggesting this." He smiled.July 22, 2020

Jaycee.

”I know if I could go back I would at certain times of course..” she smiled and helped Levi with his drink, while Aaron struggled to get her bracelet on. “It’s really pretty, thank you..” she said softly, with a soft smile as she looked at it. Grabbing her fork she took a small bite, and chewed really slow. “I just missed my best friend.. And even if I can’t ever forgive you for what you did, I’m gonna try..” she looked into his blue eyes. Of course she was still hurt and hated what they both selfishly did. It was bad enough certain people that were her friends encouraged if. Clearing her throat, finding herself giggling at how this little guy was ogling over Destiny. “Someone so has a crush, he keeps trying to wink.” She looked at Destiny with a soft wink, leading Levi to try to wink, only for him to close both eyes. “This is so good, there’s almonds in this salad, and the flavors with the avocado and dressing.. Wanna try a bite.” She totally wasn’t offering so she could try some of Aaron’s, I mean that’d be rude right. But, if he offered she’d gladly oblige. “You know those fried onions you put on like green bean casserole? I accidentally put those in my salad the other day, but oh my god! It was so full of flavor. Gotta try it.!” She stayed as she pointed her fork at him, giggling.

Aaron.

"I missed you too, Jaycee." Jaycee was such a forgiving and loving person; even if she never fully forgave him he knew that their friendship wouldn't be over. Aaron was fucking happy to have his best friend back too. He was really struggling without her. Aaron looked at the five year old who tried and failed to wink back at the woman. The bar owner let out a short cackle. His attention turned to her salad, and he stabbed several pieces her food with her fork. "Everything is better with almonds and onions." He mused. "Here..." He said, pushing his salad towards the petite woman, giving her the go ahead to try some of his food. This was like old times. Plus an extra kid this time. Things were changing though. Aaron never thought he'd be in this position before with anyone, much less Jaycee; his best friend since as long as he could remember. Aaron was a parent, and now Jaycee was nearly a parent to Levi. He thought about when they were kids themselves; how simpler things were back then and how he never imagined the pair would end up here. This was a good start though, and the weight he had on his shoulders about how he treated Jaycee was starting to come off his shoulder. He just hoped she would forgive him eventually and he was willing to give her as much time as she possibly needed.

[drakewalkerfantasy]

Flames of yesterday: Chapter 8

Summary: 5 years ago they made a mistake. They were two broken men drinking away their love life issues, and one girl trying to help a friend. What the night leaves them with are two broken hearts and one nearly broken friendship. 5 years later, two are still broken and another one fixed. But what happens when they all meet again? Will it open old wounds and bring all the their insecurities rushing back?  Or will it mend the two hearts still looking for warmth, unable to find it after their parting?

Words: 3406

Authors notes: A crossover of Open Heart and the Elementalists, a collaboration series by @drakewalkerfantasy and @fluffy-marshmallow-heart

Ethan x OH MC (Diana)

Beckett x TE MC (Oriana)

**Warnings: mention of death, panic attack**

After finishing their coffee, Ethan, Beckett, and Diana headed back to the hospital in silence, ready to each go to their posts. Reaching their destination Ethan stopped for a moment at the entrance. His deep blue eyes meet Diana’s before shifting to Beckett nodding to him shortly.

“Thank you for the invitation. I know that I may not be the preferred company, but…” started Ethan making Beckett stifle a laugh before Diana poked him lightly in the ribs.

“It was our pleasure.” Diana spoke eagerly. “Also, if not for you I would never have discovered this new espresso drink. It was delicious.” She smiled.

“I’m glad you like it.” Ethan’s throat dried out and his eyes following the tip of Diana’s tongue on her lip making him gulp audibly. “I… I need to go,” He mumbled, feeling how the last restraints were leaving him when her teeth dig into her lower lip chewing on it. He rushed inside losing himself in the crowd.

“See you later, Beckett.” Diana turned to go inside, but Beckett stopped her.

“Di, do you have a minute?”

She rose an eyebrow. “You know that your surgery will start in about twenty minutes.”

“I know. I just wanted to make sure that you are okay.”

“Of course, I am.” Diana said in a small voice, smiling weakly before taking a deep breath and turning around toward the elevator again.

Beckett blocked her path. “I know that every time you’re reminded of your mother you are not okay. I just want you to know that I’m here for you. You know this, right?”

“I do. You’re like a brother to me.” She paused before adding, “And this is why I need your support with Ethan.”

“And I’m trying. I really am, Di”

“Thank you,” She said gratefully before heading toward elevator, leaving Beckett behind her, and wondering where Ethan made off to.

She didn’t see him for several hours, but it was just as well as she couldn’t concentrate one bit. Beckett was right, she wasn’t fine. Anytime anyone asks her why she wanted to be a doctor or anything about her family it dredged up nothing but sadness for her. She didn’t think people would care why she decided to go into medicine. In fact, she usually just told people that she wanted to solve mysteries, which, wasn’t technically a lie. The fact that Beckett came right out and told Ethan that someone close to them had died…she wanted to both slap him and hug him at the same time.

Late that afternoon, she was walking into her patient’s room, and to her surprise, Ethan was there.

“Where have you been” He snapped

“What are you doing here?” Diana’s eyes were wide, she had no idea Ethan was treating this patient.

“Are you both my doctors?” The little boy in the hospital bed asked in a small voice.

Diana immediately noticed how tired he looked, and how thin he was even under a heavy blanket. His mother looks exhausted.

“Yes, sweetie, let them take a look at you.”

“This is Tommy Liu. His mother Sharon brought him in.” Ethan informed.

Diana nodded. “I see here in the chart that Tommy had been hospitalized two weeks ago and was prescribed antibiotics.”

Sharon dug in her purse. “That’s right. I have the name of it here in my purse…Azithromycin. He had bacterial pneumonia. The antibiotics made him feel better for a while, but now everything’s so much worse.”

“Tell her about my angry tummy.” Tommy told her.

“Right. He’s been getting these stomach pains…and he keeps wanting to vomit, but then nothing comes up.”

As Sharon keeps speaking, Diana began chewing on her bottom lip. She’s completely lost in her head. Sharon looks so tired from worry…I remember feeling that tired. And Tommy is so fragile…my mom looked just like that. It’s like the roles were reversed. And here…we also don’t know how to fix what’s wrong with him.

“Doctor Haynes? What do you think?” The mother’s voice cut through her thoughts, and Diana snapped her head back up. Oh fuck, she was talking this whole time??

She debated internally on what to say, finally deciding to just go with the truth, or as close as she can get. “I’m sorry Mrs. Liu. I was distracted, thinking about my last patient.”

Or my mom. Fucking Beckett had to mention her. Why couldn’t he have just lied to Ethan in the café?

Ethan gaped at her. “Seriously?”

“But I promise you that Tommy has my full attention now. Would you please repeat that last part? I want to make sure I have all the information”

She could feel Ethan’s eyes boring into her, felt his anger at her. She bit her lip, hard, beginning to feel like she couldn’t breathe.

Sharon was frowning. “Oh, okay. Thank you for being honest I guess. I was saying that all of Tommy’s friends are in shorts and t-shirts, and he’s been shivering non-stop. I’ve had to put him in his winter clothes, no matter how warm it is.”

Diana took a deep breath, before smiling at the child. “Hey, Tommy, would you like to do a cool science experiment with me?”

“Yeah!” He said excitedly.

“First, we need to get a tiny bit of your blood.” Diana explained.

His mouth fell open. “My blood? Are you a vampire? That’s so cool!”

As she draws a sample from Tommy’s arm, his mother strokes his head softly. “Do you have any idea what’s wrong with him?”

Diana met her eyes. “Based on the symptoms, it’s most likely something he ate.”

“But we don’t know that.” Ethan interjected, almost snarling.

Diana turned to him with fury in her eyes. “I think it’s safe to say that something got into his system where it doesn’t belong and is wreaking havoc, wouldn’t you?”

“No. I think you’re making assumptions, doctor.” He returned.

“We’ll be back with the results.” Diana assured the mother, then her and Ethan walked out of the room with the sample.

Together they brought Tommy’s blood draw to the lab, and then as soon as they were out of earshot Ethan rounded on her.

“What was that, Rookie?”

She swallowed hard. “What do you mean?”

He narrowed his eyes. “I mean you weren’t even paying attention in there. Not to mention you were several minutes behind schedule. I thought caffeine was supposed to help so you wouldn’t keep dragging your feet. Did I waste my time grabbing a coffee with you?”

Diana felt the surge of emotion. “I…I didn’t mean to, it was just…”

“No excuses.” Ethan growled. “You’re supposed to be a doctor. Yet you can’t seem to follow a schedule, you aren’t listening to your patients. Do you even know what it means to be a doctor? It means putting your own drama away. It means you put yourself on the back-burner and to put care more for these patients than your own personal needs. Whatever happened after I left you and Dr. Harrington, you should have also left it at the door. No one has any time for your selfishness. That little boy could die because you assumedit’s food poisoning. It’s careless, selfish, and I should take you off the case. It’s an embarrassment to this hospital.”

He glared at her, knowing full well he’s out of line, but unable to stop himself from saying the harsh words. “Perhaps I was wrong about your capabilities here.”

Diana felt a lump form in her throat and she gulped back tears, her eyes meeting Ethan’s for a split second before averting them again, trying to hide the hurt she was feeling. She could swear that she saw a flash of worry in his eyes, but she pushed this thought away, not allowing herself to think about it; not letting the hope enter her system, that he actually did care about her.

Seeing her unable to even make eye contact, Ethan tried to reach for her hand, but she instantly jerked it away, still not looking at him, making his eyebrows furrow. He wasn’t used to her shutting him out like this, usually she was quite cheerful and was the one reaching for him. She’s not even one to back down from an argument…and she’s not even fighting me on this. Something’s terribly wrong, he can feel it, how the guilt of his words were already eating away at him, and he desperately wants to take them back.

“Dr. Ramsey, I apologize. I don’t know what got into me, but I promise this will never happen again. So, as you rightly noted I should go and do my work. Now if you’ll excuse me….” Diana said dully, feeling the need to get away from him, feeling how her pain was crashing toward her with the speed of lightning. The thoughts began roaring inside her mind, panic rising in her, and she helplessly tried to bring her walls back up, not letting him see her pain. She was furious with herself for letting them down around him in the first place. If she’d just kept them up, like Beckett had told her to, this wouldn’t be happening.

Sharply turning away from Ethan, Diana went down the corridor not allowing the tears that were forming in her eyes to run down her face. With her heart pounding she realized this was futile, and she found herself almost running toward the first door she could find. Closing the door behind her, she was left alone in the solitude of the dark space, barely registering where she was, finally letting the tears flow freely. Leaning against a wall she slides down to the floor, covering her face with her hands. Her quiet sobs were the only thing breaking the silence and the memories flooding her mind. She’d thought they were securely buried deep inside, far behind her walls. And now… now these walls cracked for that man, and all her feelings, all her memories rushed at her with a power of a wrecked train. Her heart was shrinking in pain as today brought too many bad memories, too many tormented feelings she needed to hide.

She stood alone near the grave, tears flowing down her face, clouding her vision. Everyone left a moment before, waiting for her to join them for a memorial service… But she couldn’t leave, feeling like everything she had and loved was ripped out from her. Five years…. Five years of not knowing what is wrong…  Five years from one hospital to another… Five years of misery and tears, until the day they finally found out what was wrong with her mother all this time… unfortunately too late to be treated… unfortunately too late to be saved. And now… her mother is laying here cold, with only her close friends and family standing by the grave till the end. The quiet sob left Diana’s throat and she covered it with her hand, trying to be strong. Trying not to let feelings of despair overtake her. She clenched her fists so strong that her knuckles turned white and her nails broke the soft skin on her palms making it to bleed. She failed to see or hear anything around her, too deep in her thoughts to notice… too deep in her grief to care…

Her memories were drowning her, surrounding her from all angles. She could feel how the panic started to crawl up, digging its claws into her. Her hands were clenching into fists, her nails go deep in her skin, breaking it as she’d done so many years prior. She’s vaguely aware of her breathing becoming shallow and difficult. She shut her eyes tightly, trying to calm down but failing miserably, failing to notice that someone entered the supply closet she chose for hiding. Like through a fog, she felt a pair of warm hands tentatively taking hers, feeling safer and calmer from the touch. Her memory bringing her once again to the last time she cried this hard and the last person who calmed her as simple as this. To the time when a promise between two friends was made, a promise that brought her to this moment.

She didn’t hear him approach, but she felt his presence near to her. His shoulder brushing hers and his hand slipping into hers. His quiet voice reaching into the deepest corners of her soul, calming her down. Seeing through all the walls she started to build, trying to hide behind them. Beckett wasn’t giving her a chance to shut him out. Both were looking straight in front of them to the grave, full of resolve to keep the promise they made to try and prevent someone else from losing someone who meant so much to them.

She could practically hear his voice calling for her… Breaking through the sea of memories, slowly bringing her to the present.

“Diana… Diana…” She could hear someone calling her name quietly, trying not to startle her. But it wasn’t the voice she was expecting. The voice was soft, the fingers gently brushing hers, releasing the tension in her hands, skimming along the fresh cuts in her palms.

“Open your eyes and breath…” The man murmured, watching as she reluctantly opened her eyes, but her gaze still downcast, still fuzzy around the edges, still struggling to breath.

“Diana, look at me… please… just look at me and copy my breathing.” He continued, his voice quiet and gentle, both calm and calming. She finally raised her puffy eyes to meet his ocean blue one’s, her breath catching once more, realizing it was Ethan and not Beckett in front of her. She gulped for air as he spoke again.

“In and out… in and out. Slowly, just like this,” he breathed, demonstrating a deep breath in his abdomen, counting to four before releasing. He tightened his grip on her hands, watching how her breath started to slow down, trying to match her breathing pattern to his, their eyes locked on each other.

“Ethan…?” she eventually breathed out, still feeling his hands on hers, the outside world muted for a while leaving just two of them in this moment.

Ethan was shocked when he opened the door to the room she’d gone in, he had a feeling she hadn’t even known where she was going when she fled from him. As soon as he opened the door he heard the cries, heard the laboured breathing, saw the shaking figure sitting on the floor.

His voice was laced with emotions when he started to speak. He felt awful, knowing he was part of why she was crying like this. His voice was soft and quiet, his eyes locked with hers.

“I’m sorry…You didn’t deserve that. I know there’s no excuse for what I said to you. I was completely out of line. I don’t know what got into me,” spoke Ethan, his hand cupping Diana’s cheek, his thumb brushing her tears away.

Another lie, he thought gloomily. The only thing that got into me was jealousy.

He was kicking himself for leaving her all those years ago. He knew they had something special, but he was too crushed to fully see it. By him leaving that hotel room, he basically gave her to Beckett.But sometimes…the way she looks at him, finds ways to touch him…it makes him want to crash his lips to hers and take her breath away, to kiss her so hard she forgets everything around her…including Beckett.

He inhaled sharply, abruptly stopping his train of thoughts, his voice ringing again in the quietness of the supply closet. “I know you care about your patients. This is one of the qualities that makes me believe you will become a great doctor… the best one. And this is why I admire you and chose you for this program. Because I saw it in your application…the passion, the determination, the love. And I see that every time you work with your patients, not brushing them off but trying to get to know them, really listening to them. This, among other qualities, make you the great doctor. I had no right to tell you otherwise and I’m sorry for this.”

Diana stared at him a moment, debating on what to say. “Then why did you say it? You said I don’t care about anyone other than myself. Why? If you supposedly know I’m such a caring person?”

He shook his head slightly. “I was being irrational. I can see something has caused you to have an off day. We all have them, even me.” He chuckled lightly, trying to lighten the mood, but again he was met with a blank stare. He cleared his throat.

“Please accept my apology.”

Diana shakily removed her hands from his, glancing down at the cuts and frowning. A moment later Ethan was bandaging them, his hands firm yet gentle. “Now I know why you like to hang out in supply closets.”

Despite herself, Diana cracked a small smile. “There’s a method to my madness.”

Ethan shook his head. “I don’t see any madness. I really do apologize, Di.”

She rose an eyebrow. “You almost never call me ‘Di.’”

He shrugged. “We spend enough time together, I think I can call you that. Is…that alright?”

She nodded slowly. “Thank you.” She said as he finished with the bandages, letting him help her to her feet.

“I think it best you take the remainder of the day off. Go home, get some rest.”

“But what about Tommy?”

“Give me your phone number, I’ll let you know what I discover.” Ethan froze at what he just said. Technically he could get her phone number from the directory…but instead he asked for it, like a school boy with a crush.

Diana blinked. “Oh…okay…”

Ethan took out the small notepad and pen that he always carried in the pocket of his white coat, holding them out to Diana. She took them tentatively, brushing her fingers against his, feeling the crackle of electricity between them. She hastily wrote down her phone number.

“We’ll speak later then, Dr. Ramsey.” She opened the door and slipped out before Ethan caught her arm and turned her back to him.

“Please. Call me Ethan.”

“Bye, Ethan.” Diana whispered, heading straight for the locker room to grab her things, having no idea what the hell happened today. But somehow she knows…there’s been a turning point in their relationship.

Ethan watched as Diana walked away from him again, except this time she wasn’t in a hurry, she didn’t have tears in her eyes, and she wasn’t angry. He eyes the way her hips sway as she walks, and he had the desire to go run after her, take her home, make all her worries go away. Instead he closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and walked the other direction, not noticing that someone staring in their direction.

Beckett had just gotten out of a long surgery and he was wiped…but also exhilarated. There’s no feeling like the one he gets when he’s in the sterile room with the bright lights. Everything makes sense in there. There’s procedures to follow. He glanced at the nurse’s station but instead his eyes found Diana and Ethan coming out of a supply closet. His eyebrows furrowed. What the hell were they doing in there?

He watched silently as Diana strode away from him, saw the way Ethan watched her leave. Beckett sighed warily as a minute later Ethan turned and went the opposite direction of his friend. He could see the worry lines creased on Ethan’s forehead as he rubbed the back of his neck and kept turning to glance in the direction Diana had gone. It was obvious to Beckett that he was debating going after her.

When he didn’t, Beckett headed after her. He went into the locker room, where he was sure she was…but all her stuff was gone. He frowned, realizing Ethan must have sent her home for some reason…and Beckett knew exactly what that reason was.

“I knew she wasn’t okay.” He muttered as he went back to the station. A minute later, Ethan came back into his view, and Beckett saw the worried expression was still on his face. He wonders how much Diana told him. He groaned inwardly as Oriana’s voice involuntarily sounded in his head.

“I told you so.”

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[thatonecurlygirl]

Navigating Nick Amaro [7]

Fandom: Law and Order: SVU Pairing: Nick x Reader Word Count: 1.5k Warning: ... Read More: Navigating Nick Amaro 

You lay there, tangled up in Nick as his arms are draped over you, pulling you in close to his warm chest. His face resting in the crook of your neck, he softly kisses behind your ear and along your jaw. His fingers run along the soft skin of your stomach. You are enjoying the moment, knowing that this won’t — can’t — last much longer.  You cuddle deeper into his arms, sighing as cold chill runs through your body from your scalp to your toes as his soft lips brush across the back of your neck.

Last night was amazing, better than you ever imagined it would be and you can’t lie, you’d imagined this happening a lot lately. He was soft and sweet, yet lustful as he devoured you and you, him. The two of you fell asleep in each other's arms and woke up the same way. He hasn’t let you go since, as if he is afraid you would run away if he did.

“You should stay in California with me.” He whispers softly.

“What?” You ask, voice just as soft as his. 

“You should stay in California, forget going back. You could move in with me if you want. I have enough room for you.”

Is he saying what you think he is saying?

“No,” you shake your head.

“No?”

“No,” You peel his arms off you and sit up in the bed, pulling on the dress you were wearing and standing up off the bed. “Nick, I can’t do that.”

“Why not?” He sits up, sheets falling from his bare chest and gathering in his lap. “Why can’t you?”

“Nick, I have a life back in New York. I have a job. I can’t just spontaneously leave.”  You breathe out, eyes wide in panic.

You have to plant your feet to the floor. Looking at Nick you have to force yourself not to give in to the elastic-like pull you feel toward Nick. You cannot give in to those deep brown eyes that are nearly begging you to stay.

“I’m here, y/n. I’m part of your life too. And what job? You said you were going to quit.”

“Yeah in a month, maybe two… or six. I don’t know Nick, but you can’t expect me to just pick up and follow you just because you asked me to.” You sit on the bed opposite him.

“That’s never stopped us before. What happened to, ‘I’d follow you to the ends of the Earth, Nick. You’re my best friend.’?” He asks incredulously.

“We were teenagers, Nick and we…” You trail off.

“We what? We hadn’t fucked?” He scoffs. “This has nothing to do with us sleeping together, Y/n. This is about you being my best friend.”

“That’s the thing, Nick.” You can feel the tears well up in your eyes. “You’re my best friend and we slept together. The scariest thing I can imagine happening is risking our friendship, Nick. We- we shouldn’t have done this.”

“Y/n-”

You raise your hands motioning for him to stop, not to say anything else as the tears fall down your face. You pick your bag up from off the floor and look dead at Nick who is pulling on a pair of boxers and standing up. As he takes a step toward you, you take a step back. Shaking your head, you wipe your face with the back of your hand. He reaches out, gently touching your arm.

“I need a shower.” You pull away from his touch and head to the bathroom.

You slowly close the door behind you, refusing to look back at Nick. You turn the lock and pull off the dress. It hits the ground with a soft, muffled sound. Sliding the glass shower door open and reaching in, you turn on the shower before running to the toilet at the pull in your stomach takes over. You can feel the anxiety rattling your body, the heaving in your stomach as the warm acidic vomit makes it’s way past your esophagus. Your uncontrollable crying brings on wave upon wave of sick in its wake as you sit, naked on the cold floor, hunched over the toilet.

After what seems like forever, you collect yourself from the floor weak from the panic induced vomiting and the feeling of death approaching that you just experienced. Sliding into the shower, you let the scalding water lightly burn your skin, turning it a sensitive shade of pink. You wash your hair and brush your teeth, scrubbing your face of the tears that raced from your wet eyes. When you turn off the shower, you just stand there letting water drip from your body, from the bun on the top of your head.

After drying off, you throw on a tank top and some sweatpants before gathering your things and walking out with your head hung low.

“It’s all yours.” You say to Nick who is sitting on the bed, head in hands.

He stands up, grabbing a few things before heading toward the bathroom. “Look, I’m sorry that-”

“Can we not talk about this?” You ask, voice small and pleading.

“What, like, forget it happened?” He asks, sounding offended.

When you just shrug your shoulders he turns away from you and continues to the bathroom, leaving you alone with the two beds. One neatly put together as if no one had even touched it. The other bed, a mess of blanket and pillows that are strewn everywhere, the sheets tangled within each other. Looking at it all you can think of it how you were tangled up with Nick like your emotions are al tangled and knotted.

Nick stands under the streams of warm water. His arms are extended, palms flattened out and pressing against the shower wall. It’s as if he is using all his strength to keep the walls standing, but if you look closely it’s more like the shower wall is the firm and stable thing keeping him up, keeping him from drowning… wallowing and beating himself up for letting this happen.

“If that’s what she wants.” He says to himself, eyes closed tight, taking in shallow and shaky breaths.

The water showers down on his bowed head and drips off his cheeks, he is honestly unsure of whether there are tears mixed in along with them. He’s been in love with you since late high school. He realized it your senior year of high school when Ben ditched you at the homecoming dance. Something in him that day changed, but he didn’t want the friendship between the two of you to change so he left it at that, swooped in as just a friend and nothing changed.

Nick has been ‘best friend’ all these years despite his feelings toward you. He always pushed those to the back burner — hell pushed them all the way off — and that’s probably why all his other relationships have fallen apart. None of those other women could compare, they weren’t his best friend, the one he truly loves like none other. But, it’s like you said, the two of you shouldn’t have done it. It shouldn’t have happened. If it makes you happy, he’ll do as you requested. Pretend it didn’t happen. Go back to normal. Whatever the hell that means now.

You fall back onto the untouched bed, staring up at the ceiling as you anxiously play with the bottom hem of your shirt. You make out faces in the bumpy and grainy effects of the popcorn ceiling. There’s a dog, a sun, a clown that was hit by a truck… a broken heart.

You quickly sit up as the bathroom door opens, Nick steps out dressed, but his hair dripping water. He barely looks at you as he walks over and grabs his bag. He walks to the end of the other bed and leans down, picking up the panties of your that had been discarded last night and handing them to you.

“Let’s hit the road.” He nods to the door. “We have about three hours left.”

“I’ll drive.” You offer.

“No, it’s okay. I’ve got it.” He smiles at you and he tries and fails at making it look sincere, all you can see behind that smile is sorrow.

The two of you head out of the room, taking the elevator in awkward silence as a couple steps on behind you. They standoff to the corner, huddled up together and looking adoringly into each other’s eyes. It makes you sick, disgusted although you have no reason to be. It’s as if you cannot take your eyes off of them and when you finally are able to peel your eyes away, you see Nick staring at them, the same look in his eyes.

“What floor?” You ask the couple who break away and look over at you.

“Ground.” The man says.

Nodding, you take a step back away from Nick as you stare down at your feet. This is going to be a long and awkward ride to his new place and spending two extra days there to help him move in seems almost impossible.

_ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _ . 

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