#making him vulnerable to the negative beliefs

[starcurtain]

Some Speculation on Kaveh’s Father

I actually started this post right after the Parade of Providence event last year, but never got around to finishing it. However, in light of Kaveh still not appearing on a banner, I decided to dust this one off and get it finished, so that I’d have at least a little Kaveh content in my life after being so cruelly denied by Hoyo.

So, without further ado, some stuff about Kaveh’s father I did not see discussed elsewhere but which I think is especially interesting.

1) Kaveh’s father likely first became depressed/disillusioned with humanity after witnessing (or possibly being the victim of) a murder attempt.

Without knowing the full situation and reading all the additional text from the Parade of Providence event, I feel like this might have been easily missed, but the entire “Kaveh’s dad became disillusioned and depressed and retreated to the desert to help people” seems--at first--like it came out of nowhere. He had a lovely family, was the pride of his darshan, and was eager and excited to win the crown to bring it home to his son. Yet theoretically, he did not win the crown (and, in fact, the crown was stolen before the last event and may not have been there during the Avidya Forest fight, so when, as the non-winner, would Kaveh’s father have come into contact with it to encounter Sachin through it in the first place?) Why would Kaveh’s father’s personality take such a massive turn all the sudden? What would drive an excited, happy person to suddenly withdraw from everything he loved and everyone who loved him, if he didn’t actually win the diadem to be influenced by it in the first place?

The event implies there was a trigger:

Huvishka’s friend (who is described as “honest and kind but vulnerable and sensitive”--obviously Kaveh’s father) went into the Avidya Forest with the other contestants, where no one was watching, and we’re not told what happened except that the Akademiya responded to whatever occurred by shutting down the entire competition and banning any sort of events in the future that cause contestants to become so desperate they would “fight to the death.” 

This is a pretty obvious implication that Kaveh’s father either witnessed two other contestants attempt to kill each other or was the victim of an attempted murder himself, which prevented him from winning the competition even though he was the favorite to win by a long-shot. This feat of betrayal, demonstrating the depths to which humanity would sink, likely shook the idealistic world views of a sensitive person such as Kaveh’s father. This brush with death and with humanity’s capacity for evil in the forest would have been the exact trigger needed to make Kaveh’s father particularly vulnerable to Sachin’s message of nihility and despair, leading to the downward spiral that sent Kaveh’s father into the desert.

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2) Sachin may have way more culpability for Kaveh’s father’s death than Kaveh realizes. 

For a while after the event, I was under the impression that Kaveh’s father must have met Sachin’s consciousness through the diadem and that’s where he got the idea to go into the desert. However, something was always a bit odd about the timeline, because...

Sachin was still alive when he gave the Akademiya his estate. This is why no one actually knew/believed he was fully dead, even to the present--because he willed the Akademiya the estate while he was alive and told them he was going to be personally watching over the contestants to award his estate to them if he deemed them worthy successors to himself. 

So did Kaveh’s father run into a fragment of Sachin’s consciousness... or did he run into Sachin himself? The game doesn’t really clarify:

The fact that Sachin’s recording recognized Kaveh’s appearance as familiar makes me think it is much more likely that the consciousness preserved in the diadem already had knowledge of Kaveh’s father at the time it was preserved. Aka, Sachin actually met Kaveh’s father in person. This also makes sense of why, even though the diadem was stolen away during the last event and Kaveh’s father did not win it, he would still know about Sachin and Sachin’s research. (However, as a counterpoint, I guess we could say that the Diadem!Sachin had enough sentience to maybe have its own memory, separate from the real Sachin? And reached out to Kaveh’s father mentally even though he didn’t win the diadem? Maybe?)

Still, there’s one really notable aspect of the timeline that I think is important: Right after the Interdarshan Competition twenty years ago, the one which Kaveh’s father competed in, we know that Sachin went back out to the desert. 

Who else went out to the desert exactly 20 years ago? Kaveh’s father, obviously.

This overlap in the timelines makes it seem very likely that Kaveh’s father, who failed to win the competition because of a murder attempt (and therefore never got the diadem), was nevertheless reached out to by the real Sachin, who saw in Kaveh’s father the kindred disillusioned idealist he was looking for to pass his research torch onto. From this connection, Kaveh’s father was driven to either directly accompany or at least pursue the still living Sachin into the desert. (This works even if we say it was only Sachin’s consciousness he was contacted by--in either case, he would have been driven go to out to the desert to meet the real, temporarily still living Sachin to join his quest to help the desert people.)

Only for Kaveh’s father to meet his end there while trying to aid a caravan that had fallen into trouble. What a tragic coincidence, a completely unpredictable twist of fate.

Or... was it?

How odd, in the same quest that Kaveh’s father’s connection to Sachin is discussed, that we’re given an account of a caravan that appears to have been deliberately sabotaged, where money was taken (from Sachin) and somehow sparked a betrayal, a “trial of human nature” that caused many people to die, with the takeaway being the exact belief Sachin wants to pass on and reinforce in others, that humans are horrific creatures who can only make the world a worse and worse place. 

We know that Sachin’s “research” specifically consisted of doing this exact thing, manipulating situations to test humans’ moral character, conducting trials/experiments on “human nature” to reinforce his belief that humans were fundamentally selfish beings.

(It’s no accident the merchant ledger we receive uses the exact same words as Sachin does, “trial of human nature” and “experiments on human nature.” We’re supposed to assume what happened to the caravan in the note was deliberate sabotage on Sachin’s part, to create a scenario where he could observe the cruelties of humanity.)

Why would the game go out of its way to give us an account of a caravan being deliberately sabotaged and used as an experiment if there was no connection at all between what happened with this caravan and what happened to Kaveh’s father, who was also killed helping a floundering caravan?

It’s just too much of a coincidence to accidental. I think the implications of the ledger Dori gave us and the similarities in the language on that ledger to Sachin’s ideas was supposed to lead the audience to wonder:

Could Kaveh’s father have died in one of Sachin’s final “human nature experiments”? 

Was the caravan Kaveh’s father tried to help one that Sachin deliberately sabotaged, expecting to observe humanity’s selfish, self-preserving nature?

I think there’s enough evidence in the story to suggest that we players are at least supposed to consider this a possibility. (There’s no reason to give us the ledger about the manipulated caravan otherwise.) And if you consider this a possibility, it would mean that Sachin didn’t just indirectly cause Kaveh’s father’s death--he would be the direct cause of Kaveh’s father’s death, an actual murder brought about by Sachin’s beliefs that humanity’s self-centered nature made everyone beyond saving.

This idea transforms Kaveh’s father’s sacrifice into the ultimate rejection of Sachin’s beliefs. This would mean that, even in a situation manipulated to bring out the worst in human beings on purpose, Kaveh’s father gave everything to protect the lives of others, for no gain at all of his own, doing everything he could just to desperately try to make the situation (the world) better.

SO yeah. I’m not saying we have hard evidence here, but I think the quest was trying to lead players to speculate very, very hard on the possibility that Kaveh’s father’s death was no accident.

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3) Finally, a cuter piece of speculation to brighten things up after that despair bomb I just dropped: it’s highly likely that Kaveh’s father had more than one Aranara buddy!

During the Parade of Providence, we hear about an Aranara who learned to read from Kaveh’s father:

However, this is a bit confusing, because later in the event, we hear someone else say that Kaveh’s father taught an Aranara to write specifically when he was a child:

While of course it is possible that Kaveh’s father taught the first Aranara, Arakasyapa, to both read and write, I think there’s also another possible answer here about why Kaveh’s father would separately mention teaching an Aranara to write:

Because there is an entirely different Aranara in the story which was taught to write by a “good Nara” who was a child--Arashakun, from the quest “Courage is the Heart.”

In this sweet little world quest, the Traveler discovers a flower talisman that has been snatched by some hilichurls, and seeks to return it to its rightful owner, a timid and shy Aranara named Arashakun. 

We learn that Arashakun once had a kind-hearted “good Nara” companion who taught him to write (sound familiar?), and who, in order to encourage the poor Aranara, gave him a single flower dubbed “courage.” In describing this child companion, Arashakun specifically states that his companion was no strong warrior like the Traveler’s twin, but instead a gentle, comforting presence who never teased the Aranara.

All of these descriptions line up particularly well with Kaveh’s father, who the game repeatedly describes as vulnerable, kind-hearted, and giving to others.

To drive home the possible connections to Kaveh’s family even further, this quest takes place very, very near to the Palace of Alkazarzaray. 

Although we don’t have any guarantee, I think it is strongly implied that the “good Nara” mentioned by Arashakun is indeed Kaveh’s father, and the “courage of the heart” that he extended to Arashakun as a child is the very same courage, kindness, and generosity that drove him to reach out to the people of the desert, hoping to make a difference in their lives--even at the cost of his own.

The takeaway? Kaveh’s father was a truly good person who aided everyone he came across, from timid Aranara to people whose very lives were in danger. He never meant to leave his family, and especially not his son, but repeatedly fell afoul of the worst humanity had to offer and was driven into a situation in which all he could do was offer his very life to uphold the altruism that was central to his idealism--the same idealism and goodness that Kaveh carries as “courage” in his own heart.

[moetartart]

:*Trigger Warning for Abuse:** An analysis of the nuanced depiction of abuse dynamics in *Baldur's Gate 3*. Please skip if you’re uncomfortable with this topic or you hate long rants <3

**Cazador at the Head of the Table, and His Forced Family, with Astarion as the Scapegoat**

Cazador is one of the best-written abusers in fiction, and Astarion is one of the best depictions of a non perfect survivor. Showcasing how abusers systematically break down their victims in a way that is thoughtful and non-voyeuristic, and how this may effect the victim after.

Astarion often receives criticism for his behavior. Much if it valid. I don’t seek to excuse his actions or speak about him as if he were a real person, But to break down this amazingly written narrative and how his experiences shape his character and a depiction of a non perfect victim. It's great to see actions having consequences in the story and being the driving force in chatecter development and I think it was handled very respectfully

One of the most compelling aspects of Astarion's story is the depiction of the "scapegoat" abuse tactic. Where a caregiver selects one child as the primary target of ridicule and abuse. Astarion says, "He took a special pleasure in my pain. He said my screams sounded sweetest." Often, the scapegoat is the child who most reminds the abuser of themselves when they were most vulnerable, or has similarities to the abuser of the parent or even someone they witnessed being abused when they were a child. The abuser uses this child to demonstrate the consequences of disobedience, and as a way of bonding the other children against the scapegoat, often by forcing the other children to engage in abuse themselves. The parent will inflict the trauma they were exposed to when they were most vulnerable on their child in a twisted way to re-gain their own power and autonomy buy projecting it onto someone elses. Acting out scenarios where they felt weak but now they are the one with all the power.

Cazador's tactics of infantilization are particularly gut-wrenching. He calls Astarion a "stupid little boy" and forces him to call him "father," undermining his belief in his ability to make adult decisions on his own while simultaneously also forcing him into adult work and physical abuse. A way to break down his self esteem and take away his autonomy. This adds another level to Cazador's twisted, intimate abuse.

It's evident when you ask if Astarion called Cazador "master" in the bedroom, and he reacts negatively. It is also implied in the dialogue, "One final thrust... and I'll be rid of you..." as Astarion stands over Cazador, ready to stab him with a phalic symbol and Cazador in a submissive position.

In a Shadowheart playthrough, we see how Astarion seeks someone to follow because he doesn’t know how to think for himself. Auntie Ethel remarks that he misses his chains, and he admits he doesn't know how to make his own decisions. In Astarion's dream, you learn one of Cazador's rules is that Astarion must stay by his side unless told otherwise. We also see that Cazador regularly dined with Astarion, serving him putrid rats. He says "I have spent two centuries with You, and that should be punishment enough," which is quite an intimate insult. In non of these are the other spawn mentioned. He also mentions his sarcasm and jokes, something you wouldn't really think Cazador would permit. This suggesting an intense, twisted co-dependency. A lot of time spent alone together. As what? His child? His slave? His lover? It's sickening. Cazador seemed to want to fill every potential key roll in Astarions life. This is actually pretty common in adults relationships.

The extent of physical abuse is further revealed when Astarion sees the mad doctor in the House of Healing and remarks, "he's just like Cazador." The narrator says, "If you're late, he will flay you... again," and Astarion states, "Sometimes he would have us submit to torture. Other times he would have us torture ourselves."

So, why does Cazador do all this? Beyond sadistic pleasure and rituals off higher power, I believe it's driven by a fear of abandonment. His goal is to strip Astarion of any autonomy so he would return even if freed. When speaking to Cazador alone, he's convinced Astarion will come back because he cannot think for himself. Cazador wants to be the center of Astarion's life, and truly believes he is. A narcissist needing to see himself reflected in others, he required Astarion by his side to validate his awful existence. If Astarion leaves, Cazador feels he's losing an extension of himself. That Astarion is his and his alone to kill.

I also believe he genuinely wants to play house. That he wants a picture perfect family. We don't know much about Cazador before the game, only that he was from a vampire family. That his niece refused to partake. It's quite clear he felt like he was missing something in his family. We know his master committed acts of cruelty far beyond what he did to his own spawn, impaling him for ten years and draining his friend Infront of him. Surly a year of solitude is like being sent to your bedroom without supper compared to that? By Cazadors logic, he's far kinder than he was ever treated. He's been kinder and more loving than his own family. His children should be grateful that he protected them from what he went through. He believes his children are spoiled and if anything he has been to soft. After all, he gave thim his families birth right far above their station, eternal life. He gave them a family that will never abandon them. What more could they want?

And if course, we as plays see this cycle continues with AA, who says he will be a far kinder master he'd never make his dear lover eat rats. They wouldn't be his child, more a pampered pet. Compared to how Astarion was treated, what more could they want?

And how very true to live that an abuser will preach about how much worse they had things and how lucky their victims are. How soft they must be to complain.

This gives us a clear picture of Astarion at the start: someone with a fragile sense of self, preferring to see others tortured rather than be the one in the chair, and looking for someone to follow. He'll fake a smile to keep them around. While this doesn't excuse his cruelty, it explains it; Astarion is free for less than a day when you meet him. There are no perfect victims, and unlearning brainwashing takes time. Reducing Astarion to "evil" or "good" overlooks the complexity of a character who could become either an abuser or a liberator.

What I appreciate most is that Astarion's past doesn't vanish when Cazador dies; he still carries the scars, but in a positive playthrough, there is hope. Astarion has the chance to do better, starts making his own choices, and sometimes gets it wrong.

Crucially, the abuse is never voyeuristic. It is always shown from the survivor's perspective, focusing on its effects on their lives. It's always clear when a player choice disrespects his growth and autonomy. Cazador and Astarion are never framed to titillate or as a mind of grousome special to the viewer, unlike in shows like *13 Reasons Why* or Ramsey Bolton in *Game of Thrones*. The game handles the topic with a lot of care. Infact the only time we see Cazador in person is when we have the chance to stop him. We never see Astarion subjected to something we can alter in some way.

Also, we do hear of Astarions bravery in trying to defy his master and save people. Unfortunately as in the game and real life, people don't always have a choice. Still, in a good ending Astarion can choose to try and help others who have been hurt and use what he has learned to make real change.

The reasons why Cazador is the way he is are another rant entirely. But while I hate him as a person, I adore him as an antagonist. How can a character be written to be pathetic and terrifying at once?

**TL;DR:** *Baldur's Gate 3* presents a complex, nuanced abuse narrative, executed beautifully. Many people overlook or disregard Astarion as an excellent depiction of survival in my opinion.

[meanbossart]

Is DU drow like....traumatized at all? Or is he one of those rare people who are so just adaptable that they don't internalize trauma? He's been through a lot in his young life!

Huh! I gotta admit that this is a surprising, but very interesting question to get. So, lets take a moment to look at the worst of what this clown has to offer WRT to his behavior/belief system:

-Obsessed with being the strongest, most impressive thing in the room at all times and feels threatened when someone is larger or seems more confident in themselves than him. -Has two singular friends (one whom he's bound to mate with until death dating) and is utterly convinced that everyone else in the world is worthless and nothing but a brief source of entertainment or trouble. -Thinks of himself as the sole protector of said friend's lives, and would hold himself entirely responsible for any bad fate that befell them, even if it had resulted from a choice they made on their own. -This also sometimes results in him accidentally belittling or minimizing their accomplishments/capabilities. -Defaults to categorizing people as either a) a threat or b) too weak/pathetic to worry about. -Would be incapable of articulating and working through his own negative emotions without the help insistence of his partner. -Willing to put himself in harms way at any time. -Utterly incurious, if not avoidant, about his own past and previous life, while simultaneously insisting that he's unbothered by and not at all responsible for the atrocities committed then. -Terrified of the very concept of being - and expressing - fear. -Believes that if he ever appears anything but capable and confident, or fails to provide protection or resources to his friend and partner, they will (rightfully so) leave him. -Hates help. Don't help him. -Hates being pitied. Don't feel bad for him. -Believes that his sole purpose in life is providing for his partner and puts himself in harm's way for them constantly, even if it goes against their wishes. -Is resigned to the idea that when Astarion dies, so will he, and thinks this makes him a loyal partner.

Do you see what I'm getting at? Some of these characteristics/beliefs are misguided biases. Some are consequence from terrifying, life-altering events of loss, hopelessness and helplessness. Some are quite literally just coping mechanisms and others are just him being arrogant because he realizes that he looks impressive in a mirror. I won't attempt to draw the line between which is which, I don't think you can.

But my point is, is that sometimes trauma response looks like anxiety, fear, tears, and emotional vulnerability, other times it can just make you a rather unlikable, though hopefully not totally irredeemable person.

[watermelpm]

A "little" Kokichi Ouma analysis

WARNING - Spoilers for LOTS of V3

As a character, Kokichi Ouma is smart, skeptical, arguably selfless, absolutely obnoxious, and someone who would do anything for the greater cause. His forced role as the “antagonist” paired with Shuichi’s forced role as the “protagonist” makes for an intriguing, tragic dichotomy between the two that enhances his own descent into villainous extremities, up until the deadly climax of chapter 5. He is a fantastically complex character, partly due to being one of the most intelligent and forward-thinking in the entire franchise, despite how he seems on the surface.

Kokichi’s intelligence is evident from multiple elements of the game, even just as simple as his room (enhanced analysis abilities in particular are evident from the whiteboard and his ability to predict, anticipate, and plan for future room invaders). Additionally to his room, he also knew/predicted the Monokuma cameras that were around the campus WAY before anyone else noticed; kept track of all the events that were happening/things being said, placing importance on Gonta’s brief mention of “seeing little bugs”, asking Miu to make the BugVac for his suspicions; wrote the Horse A message, meaning he knew or at least hypothesized Rantaro’s perk before anyone else; and made every single move under the assumption the mastermind was one of them, which he was correct about!. Kokichi had a fantastic, well-rounded understanding of how he was perceived and meticulously planned every move he made around how others would react.

Another important aspect of Kokichi is his unrelenting skepticism, which I firmly believe was the crux behind every move he made in DRV3. He kept track of all the murders— hoarded pieces of each trial—, firmly doubted his own memories (which was almost unanimously accepted by everyone else, even the Ultime Detective), and was extremely careful around every other person in the game. His unexplained disappearances and generally less rambunctious, loud attitude at the beginning of the game makes me believe he was observing the actions of his classmates, getting to know their character, and analyzing their chances of becoming killer/victim, which informed his later attachment to classmates he deemed safer (i.e. Gonta in particular). My belief is a lot of his earlier lies were meant to paint himself as not vulnerable, lowering his chances of being killed, and his more innocent, earlier lies eventually grew into the astronomical falsehoods they became because he realized the survival advantage of no one knowing when he was telling the truth.

However, the most crucial reason I think Kokichi’s lies got as out-of-hand as they did is because his classmates immediately and unquestionably treated him like a villain. It’s practically confirmed in-game that Kokichi played up his sinisterness the entire game (playing the mastermind, acting like he was going to “win” the game, both of which are disproven by the end) and I believe it’s because all the other characters expected him to be that way. Everything he said was treated like something wicked and malicious because he phrased it playfully/mischievously, but his intention was almost always (at least until chapter 4) non-malicious. This can be easily seen from the very beginning, when he’s “getting on Kaede’s case” about forcing everyone to keep trying the manhole escape minigame when they were clearly unable to continue, and from him encouraging Himiko to let herself feel upset after the chapter 3 trial. Yet, from almost the first words out of his mouth, Kokichi was seen as the antagonist. Not to say he wasn’t sly, mischievous, playful, and a fucking smartass, but no one could see past the surface of undesirable speech characteristics to understand the intention beneath.

It’s my theory that, by chapter 4, Kokichi fully realized that no matter what he said, it would be perceived negatively. However, as stated, Kokichi was smart, and he ultimately used this epitome to his advantage— wrapping himself up in lies, going completely crazy with it, because it truly no longer mattered what the truth was in the eyes of everyone else. He was willing to lie, cheat, and let everyone else think he was a terrible person for one reason and one reason only: to end the game.

Kokichi hated the killings, as evidenced by D.I.C.E. 's rules about murder and his later confessions/efforts in ch 5. There were many other smaller motivations he practiced throughout the game (surviving was one of the biggest ones, but I’d argue discovering the truth about the game was just as important) but his hatred of the game was the biggest driver of every single action he made. This, in my mind, is the most important reason he “became the villain”: not because he wanted to, but because his classmates wouldn’t listen to him any other way, and he needed to have relative control/understanding of their actions to carry out his own efforts to end the game. None of them (except maybe Gonta, and Shuichi near the beginning) picked up on his ulterior motives, or even had general curiosity about why he acted the way he did. It’s this unfortunate perception of him that prompted Kokichi to intensify his behavior in an effort to reach his goal. Even if he wanted to stop the villain act, Kokichi had gone too far by chapter 4 to pull himself back out, so his lies only grew.

It’s impossible to talk about Kokichi’s character without talking about Shuichi’s because their arcs are so beautifully intertwined. Their separate journeys inform both their development throughout the game.

Kokichi gravitated toward Shuichi from the beginning. This is evidenced by his whiteboard (trustworthy?), his efforts to befriend him in chapter 4, and the general “togetherness” of their viewpoints during trials (99% of the time being on the same side in debate scrum and Kokichi’s lies almost always serving as a way to further the truth both Shuichi and him were seeking, even if they were seemingly at odds). Shuichi was different from everyone else, expressing curiosity about Kokichi rather than immediate resentment like the other classmates, and Kokichi clearly wanted him on his side. Yet, Shuichi, much like Kokichi, was forced into a role by his classmates: the protagonist. While Kokichi’s talent was immediately perceived negatively, Shuichi’s was perceived positively (due to the nature of the killing game, having an Ultimate Detective on your side was likely a factor). As the game progressed (and he grew more confident in his abilities) he proved himself as someone capable of investigating the murders and coming to the correct conclusion.

By chapter 3, everyone had begun to rely on Shuichi to get them through the trials. Even when he was shocked and sad about the deaths, he immediately jumped into every investigation because everyone else’s lives were dependent on him doing so. This ultimately just perpetuated him being driven into the role of the protagonist because he couldn’t stop doing what he was or everyone would die.

Shuichi’s “rivalry” against Kokichi was fabricated completely by the roles they were pushed into. Shuichi was led away from Kokichi the entire game by his friends (Kaito and Maki especially, who both despised Kokichi and vice versa) and Kokichi was isolated, the only person who could stand hanging around him being Gonta. The rest of his classmates’ hatred toward Kokichi also turned Shuichi’s feelings for him into resentment by chapter 5, with Shuichi often feeling like a villain for “siding” with Kokichi in trials. Shuichi was curious/skeptical about Kokichi’s motives the entire game, but it transformed into dismissal (ignoring Kokichi being hurt after he fell through the floorboards in ch 3) and irritation (how Shuichi acts in ch 4’s trial) because he began to perceive Kokichi as everyone else did: a villain.

None of these roles ultimately benefited them, in the end. Even Shuichi, who we usually see as someone who gained more self-confidence due to the uplifting of his friends, really didn’t come out of the killing game better off. He was stuck carrying everyone else through trials, pressured to perform under his intense anxiety/fears, which only made him more scared about making a mistake and inadvertently being the reason for everyone’s deaths, if he was. Kokichi put on a mask of lies to protect himself, not seem helpless, and to achieve his goals, but was pushed into decisions he never would’ve made otherwise in order to play the villain (sacrificing Gonta and using him to kill Miu, for example, discussed later.) Thus, they both suffered for the situation they were put into, forced to butt heads but just as trapped as the other was.

Their similar yet completely opposite directions in the game, as dictated by the people around them rather than themselves, is what makes their relationship so tragic, yet also that much more interconnected. It’s one of the reasons I’ve really started to grow fond of saiou. Here are two people, neither of whom wanted to be protagonist vs antagonist, but, because of the situation they were thrown into— a scenario dictated by fear— and the surface-level perceptions of their talents/personalities by people who didn’t really know them. Kokichi wanted to get closer to Shuichi because he knew Shuichi could help him end the game; his and Shuichi's smarts working together was sure to help them figure out a plan, or at least something to stop the killings from happening and end the game. But Kaede, Kaito, Maki, and everyone else made Shuichi steer clear from Kokichi (though Kokichi was at fault for this too by a certain point because he deliberately pushed others away by chapter 3) but he knew that if he could get Shuichi on his side, they could end the game. And maybe they would’ve.

It’s even more tragic to know that they were incredibly similar not just in their character arcs but even just at a characteristic level. Shuichi wanted to find the truth so badly in every single trial, much like Kokichi, but at the end of the game he CHOOSES TO LIVE A LIE— chooses to be Shuichi Saihara and defy the game even though he knows he’s not a real person anymore. I think that’s profoundly beautiful when we think about Kokichi, who was living a lie the whole time— who already had an understanding that being a lie was less painful and often more advantageous than the truth. Yet he was just like Shuichi, seeking truth even if he had to lie along the way.

Two truth-seekers, two liars, extremely similar characters on a soul-level who would’ve made such a good team had they not been forced apart.

By chapter four, Kokichi’s villain persona was solidified, but what he did was not inherently evil. Kokichi was smart— smart enough to figure out Miu’s plan (when even the Ultimate Detective didn’t). He understood, even without knowing exactly what Miu was planning, that if he let her murder him, everyone else would die, too. I believe he felt the work he made up to that point and the entire killing game itself would be useless if it ended the way Monokuma wanted. He desperately didn’t want that, and so he sacrificed Gonta for this reason: to keep himself and everyone else alive.

This is another aspect of Kokichi’s character I feel isn’t as easily seen on the surface-level: his selflessness. Even if his jokes/lies made the others mad, he was still thoughtful and would try to help them. For example: giving them those electro hammers that Miu made to everyone and telling Kaede to stop using toxic positivity to get everyone to keep on trying to escape through the tunnel they found in Ch 1. Even him telling them about the outside world was meant to act as a mercy— to stop the killings from happening to them. But Kokichi’s ultimate act of selflessness was killing himself in the end— giving his life so that the others could live on.

I believe Kokichi felt like a shitty person for doing that to Gonta— selfish, hopeless even, just because he decided to prioritize the majority. Gonta was the only person that actually trusted Kokichi; he believed in him. That love and appreciation from Gonta made Kokichi tell Gonta about his plans; he’d bring Gonta with him everywhere, tell him what he was trying to do, and Gonta always helped him. This proves to me that if someone else had just been nicer to Kokichi, he would have probably opened up more and much of Kokichi’s more extreme, desperate actions could have been prevented. I can’t even imagine what that was like for Kokichi, tricking the only person that had actually cared about him into killing someone. And it likely made his hatred for the killing game grow even more.

I personally think Kokichi was breaking down really really hard at the end of ch 4. Even if he acted like he didn’t feel bad at all after the execution, it was just that: an act. When he tries to go with Gonta to his execution, I don’t think his feelings were lies; and, if they were, it was a kind lie, meant to help Gonta feel cared for before he died. Kokichi was hurting on the inside while watching what was happening to Gonta, you could just tell, the one person that trusted him and believed in him, he screwed over and betrayed. Kokichi even went full-mastermind mode because he felt like the villain, felt like he was evil because he sacrificed Gonta just to save himself, and realized it was the only way to truly end the game.

Kokichi was an absolute asshole and smartass that knew exactly what was happening and what to do about it. No one listened to his ideas because he put on the villain mask. The others felt like they couldn't trust him, which is what he needed, so that he could pose as the mastermind. Kokichi probably figured out Tsumugi's secret at one point during the game and that's why he played as the mastermind, which is part of the reason he acted like he drank the antidote but gave it to Kaito instead. It was part of his plan to stop the game and expose Tsumugi for breaking the rules that SHE made. He tried to make an unsolvable murder, but he hadn't expected Maki to come into the hangar, which is part of the reason Shuichi was able to solve it.

I know that Tsumugi knew that if Kokichi and Shuichi had been friends, the game would have ended earlier. That’s why I believe her/Spikechunsoft wrote them to be the Protag and Antag duo. Which is sad because they would have been a great team. And yes, Shuichi did end up having to live a lie at the end of the day, which shows great resemblance to Kokichi. They both wanted the truth, they both wanted to end the game and figure out the truth to the trials, but they both did it in separate ways. Kokichi would often question Shuichi during the trials or just in general, that made Shuichi think harder about the situation, which helped all of them find the truth. Kokichi lied to find the truth. Others may think that his lies were useless and bad, but Shuichi had also lied to find the truth. Shuichi lied to everyone else during the trials just to get the truth out of them, and it worked. They both lied to find the truth, but they both would still tell the truth. Kokichi told more lies than Shuichi, and that's what helped him find the truth. Shuichi told more truths than lies, which helped him. Meaning, both Kokichi and Shuichi had different ways of getting the truth out of others. Kokichi lived in lies, he lied to himself about how everything was going to be okay, that the game would end soon, that if he just kept his jig up for a little while longer, he would find the truth of the killing game. Kokichi didn't like lying to himself, but it made him feel better about the situation, more positive, he even lied to himself so much that I could imagine he sometimes couldn't tell whether or not he was telling the truth. Which is one of the reasons I mainly believe he went through with his plan in ch 5.

Shuichi was more emotional than Kokichi, and that's why he couldn't lie to himself. Shuichi wanted to feel better about the situation, he wanted to feel like it would get better, but it was harder for him to lie to himself like Kokichi did. No matter how hard Shuichi had tried, he just couldn't.

I couldn't figure out where to include the last 3 paragraphs but I really wanted to include them lol. Also thank you so much to my sister @kiwi-luminaryofthestars for helping me edit this silly little thing! And an extra shout-out to @starredskys for being so nice and excited to read this thing!

[whateverisbeautiful]

Hello! How do you think Shane and Michonne would interact and what would they think of eachother? If he had stuck around longer to see Michonne and Rick develop a relationship, do you think he'd be jealous? Sorry in advance if you already answered this before.

Hi! I don’t think I have answered this before, so thank you for asking, because whenever I think of two TWD characters I’d have been so curious to see interact that never crossed paths in the franchise, my answer is always Michonne and Shane. They were the two most impactful adults we saw in Rick’s life, with one bringing out the wounds in him and one bringing out the very best in him, so Michonne and Shane’s interaction would be quite fascinating to me. Wrote out the rest of my answer to the questions below ⬇️💗:

Michonne’s radar for knowing when someone is unhinged is very high, and I think she’d pick up on that in Shane even before he more blatantly crashed out. Michonne is never here for BS or the kind of stupidity that gets you killed, and Shane has both of those in droves and so Michonne would not think highly of Shane. She’d find Rick to be an infinitely more honorable man and would probably gently help Rick start assessing the volatile company he keeps, similar to how she got Nat and the caravan folks in TOWL Ep 2 to reassess their own community’s character of leaving people behind.

I think of the dynamics we did get to see Michonne have on the show, the closest one that could reflect how she’d be with Shane would be Merle. Like I don’t think she’d be as intense with her disdain of Shane as she was with the Governor, and she’d see that there’s some vulnerability buried beneath Shane’s bravado, but she’d still be skeptical of him and not afraid to hold her own if he was doing too much or trying to steamroll her.

Meanwhile, I think Shane would be intrigued, begrudgingly impressed, & intimidated by Michonne. All that posturing machismo he’d have with other women & bulldozing he’d do with the group, wouldn’t work on Michonne & he’d learn that quick. I could see Shane being frustrated that Michonne has a pull on Rick and that Rick starts turning to her more as his “partner in crime.” I think about how in season 2, Shane clearly felt a type of way that Rick chose to do something with Daryl over him, and so he’d be sensitive about Rick not deferring to him nearly as much because he has Michonne & starts to trust her sound judgment most

I could see Shane assuming that his louder alpha persona would be something Michonne would be drawn to more, and thinking Rick wouldn’t be enough of that for Michonne. But when Michonne so naturally gravitates toward Rick and thinks so much higher of him, and they develop a relationship, I do think Shane would feel envious. Not even because I think Shane would want Michonne for himself. He’s just always seemed to envy what Rick had, because his own life was so much more superficial.

Shane knew Rick and Lori weren’t each other’s person, and yet he still envied them, so I think seeing Rick find a solid, flourishing, as-real-as-can-be love with Michonne could stir up some negative feelings in Shane. Especially seeing Rick become a healthier, more confident, and assured version of himself with Michonne. He’d see Rick fully outgrow him and thrive with a love that has a depth Shane has never experienced, and I think Shane could resent that.

But I think what would have been quite therapeutic for Rick (and me lol) if Michonne and Shane crossed paths, is Rick getting to see how unquestioningly Michonne chooses Rick and is 100% loyal to him. Like she wouldn’t pay Shane no never mind, and I think Michonne's sincere & certain belief in Rick over Shane would mean a lot for Rick since he seemed to feel people, including his former wife, often had more belief in Shane than in him. Had Shane been around, Michonne would still make it so crystal clear that Rick is the only man she’d want to lead and the only man she’d want to love.

[deadpcnned]

Sealed by the Storm (jj.m)

chapter three

pairing: jj maybank x reader; marriage of convenience

content warning(s): mentions murder (usual obx stuff), implied sexual relationship, language, use of alcohol

author's note: this one is so long, i'm so sorry hahaha. i'd love to hear y'alls honest feedback

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JJ Maybank was the last person anyone would bet on to follow instructions. So of course, he’d taken matters into his own hands when it came to figuring out if Luke had been telling the truth. After his conversation with Y/N last night, he felt himself descending that familiar downward spiral. JJ had two types of possible spirals. Usually, it felt like a blackout— like he  had no control of his actions. That’s the spiral he had when he broke the generator. He’d been reminded of all the nights he’d used that damn first aid kit to patch himself up, back when Luke still owned the house JJ could finally call home, that it had screwed him up so bad he couldn’t think. The second type of spiral, however, was way worse. It was more drawn out, a deep-seated desperation that forced him to ruminate on every word spoken to or by him. 

That’s the spiral he’d had last night in bed, a seemingly endless loop going down. He knew he fucked up, he knew he should’ve left well enough alone. He had finally gotten through to Y/N, even if only briefly, and he’d flushed it all down the drain. The way she had laughed when she accidentally shone her flashlight in his eyes, had been so unrestrained, like a bird’s song unburdened by the weight of months spent in captivity. Y/N always laughed like she was choking. Her breath would catch between the sound of her laughter, but JJ found it so endearing. He hadn’t realized how much he’d been yearning to hear that sound until last night and he wanted to be the reason for it again, even if it was at his expense. All it took for him to lose that chance, was five minutes and Y/N was avoiding him again. 

To say he was hurt by what she had said to him was barely scratching the surface. His worst, most vulnerable insecurities were somehow always thrown back at him by her. ‘You’re making it worse.’ ‘Why do you always–’ Those words had run through his head again and again and again, all night driving him crazy. Her ability to tap into his negative thoughts was exactly why he always got so irritated around her. Because if he let that bitter wall fall, it’d all be too painful. 

That irritation is exactly what had spurred him to pay no mind to Y/N’s advice and discover the answers to his questions alone. The first plan he had thought of consisted of storming to Goat Island and confronting Groff face to face. But, if he was being honest, just the idea of confronting Groff was terrifying. What if Luke had been lying? And worse, what if he hadn’t been? 

Instead of confronting Groff, JJ decided to follow a different trail – one that felt no less daunting but less revelatory: Larissa Genrette’s grave. JJ had spent his whole life roaming the island and knew each inch of the land he was raised on. He’d passed the Genrette graveyard many times before. He used to think it was odd, why so much land was dedicated to one family’s burial site, but as time passed he became more aware of what the Genrette name meant. The name had always loomed over the island, a shadow that faded into whispers. Whispered stories and half-truths from people who barely knew the Genrettes, at least not in recent years. The youth of Outer Banks loved to share the ghost story of Larissa Genrette and her lost child for their sleepovers and bonfires. A story that was so close to home, yet so out of their reality, that it didn’t bother them. 

JJ wasn’t sure why, but he felt compelled to see the grave for himself, properly. It felt like maybe he had missed some detail, some answer, during all those years that he carelessly ran past these trails. JJ was still clinging to the belief that this was all an elaborate plan by Luke, but he couldn’t stop some thoughts from crossing his mind that implied he was falling for it. Like the idea that he might be looking at the last link to his mother. Somehow, the fact that Larissa Genrette was his mother, felt like the heaviest part of all of it. He didn’t expect the gravesite to give him some grand revelation, didn’t think the ground would whisper secrets of hidden bloodlines, but it would be something. JJ always felt his sixth sense was strong when it came to people– their intentions and character. The first time he had entered the Genrette house, he had felt something was off, but not in the same way the Pogues had. They had been unnerved by the eerieness, but JJ had felt something else about Groff and Genrette. It was like he could feel the connection he had to them, like there was a string between them, loosening the closer they got. 

JJ was getting ahead of himself, he knew that. Imagining metaphysical connections and imagining what it would mean if the Genrettes were his relatives. As he neared the graveyard, the wind pushing his blond hair back, he didn’t know what came next. His feet slowed before he could get close enough to the gate that would serve as an obstacle, goosebumps erupting over his skin. 

There was someone following him.

He had felt it closer to the Surf Shop, before he had started walking this way, too afraid to ask John B for the Twinkie in fear of invoking questions. The feeling that he had a shadow had shaken off soon after, but it was back now, in full force, too close for comfort. He needed to take care of that before he could worry about finding answers to any life-changing questions. 

JJ slowed his steps, considering his options. He estimated that there was still half a mile left before he reached the gate, but the brick wall that blocked off the graveyard was already on his left. On the right, there were tall trees that he knew became more dense the further in you went. JJ started angling his body towards the right, making a show of planning his turn away from the straight path he’d taken for the last 10 minutes before he veered his body to the right completely. 

As the trees grew denser, that feeling of someone following him went in and out, like a spotty connection, but he knew whoever it was was still there. He should’ve run. He was usually so good at running in these situations, but something was stopping him. He was not sure what it was— whether it was the result of the heightened emotions he’d been dealing with for the past couple of days— but he didn’t fight it. If it was the mercenaries after Blackbeard’s treasure, so be it. 

When it felt like the mystery person was further away again, he pulled himself around a huge tree so he was hidden behind the trunk. He’d come a far way from the brick wall and his pace had quickened, causing his breathing to get slightly more erratic. He caught his breath while trying his best to not let his focus shift from sensing the other person. After what felt like hours, he heard a crunching sound. The footsteps were quiet which could have been why he couldn’t distinguish it from the sound his boots were making earlier. The footsteps neared on his left and he positioned himself for his ambush. He wished he had his old gun. Or at least a knife. 

A figure appeared in his periphery and before the figure could retreat, JJ was pushing off the tree trunk and shoving the person up against the rough bark of another. His hand clamped over their mouth while his opposite arm pressed into their chest, his muscles were taut as he held their body in place. A smaller body. And a familiar one. 

Y/N’s eyes widened but quickly returned to normal, concealing her surprise. However, the rapid rise and fall of her chest beneath JJ's arm gave away her shock. Her bare skin brushed against JJ’s with every breath, leaving a buzzing sensation with every exhale. Y/N reached up to wrap her fingers around his wrist, prying away his hand from her mouth, but instead of stepping away, JJ leaned in, crowding her body with his. 

“What the hell are you doing here?” JJ's jaw clenched adding to the tensions he felt in every other part of his body. He hadn’t wanted to see her today, but especially not now. JJ’s face was so close to hers that he could feel the warmth of his own breath as he spoke. 

Y/N’s chin tilted up defiantly and her challenging gaze stoked a fire of rage in his as he heard her reply, “Following you.”

“Why?” His voice was a rasp, entwined with the strain of his frustration. The simple word was all he could get past his straining as he looked at her, not backing away for even a second. 

“I told you not to do this alone.” There was no point in pretending he didn’t understand and JJ didn’t feel like he could bother with that anyway. He was so tired of her thinking she knew better than him. She couldn’t bother asking him to pass food at the dinner table, but she was always chock-full of unsolicited advice. This was his fucking family life, why did she get to decide how he handled it? 

“Yeah? And you thought what? ‘JJ’d probably appreciate me tagging along?’” JJ leaned in closer, his nose only an inch away from Y/N’s. He caught the moment her breath hitched, just as it had last night, and he was spurred on by whatever this effect he had meant. “You’re the last person I would ever ask to be with me.” 

The words were meant to cut, an eye for an eye, a harsh word for a harsh word. But if he had any impact on Y/N at all, she didn’t let it show. Within a second, her knee aggressively struck JJ’s thigh, making him pull back.

“Ouch–” Suddenly, JJ’s back was against the tree Y/N had been pressed against. Y/N didn’t have him strapped against the tree with her arms, but the closeness of her body to his was enough to keep him in place. Her left leg was planted between his and her hip was making contact with his upper thigh. JJ blamed the heat he felt at her touch on his anger. Reaching up, her hand cupped his face, her fingers pressing into both sides of his jaw, as she tilted his head down. 

“Trust me JJ, no one wants to be here less than I do.” Y/N’s voice was void of malice, sounding neutral and completely matter-of-fact. “But you can’t do this alone.” 

He knew what she meant. She meant that if he handled this alone, the rest of them would have to pick up the pieces of his eventual fallout. He knew that and still, the part of him he tried so hard to suppress read a different meaning. You don’t have to do this alone. I’ll take care of you. If he’s honest with himself, he didn’t want to carry this alone, but he couldn’t bring himself to ask for help. Pogues didn’t get help. They just had to deal with their shit and that’s a lesson JJ had learned much too early, so why bother. That desperate part of him that wanted someone’s help took over and selfishly accepted whatever she would offer. 

“Whatever. Just stay out of my way.” It was the best JJ could offer, his anger still right at the surface, fighting against his need for help. Y/N stepped back, her hand sweeping over her backside to clean off any dirt. 

“It’s easier to pick up behind someone than in front of them,” She chided. Clenching his fist, JJ turned away, beginning to retrace his steps. He’d wasted fifteen minutes all for it to be Y/N. The two of them walked in silence, not bothering with fake niceties. JJ had too much on his mind.

Y/N tried to focus on the sound of her low-top sneakers pressing against leaves and branches instead of the silence that was enveloping her and JJ. The irony wasn’t lost on her. The boy she had done her best to avoid recently, was now causing herself to second-guess her actions. Y/N never second-guessed herself. She could never afford it. Ever since she joined Terrance, her life relied on her ability to make the right choice with speed and confidence. If she had second-guessed herself for even a second, it could have given some dangerous people a chance to attack. 

It was that quality that made it so difficult for her to think twice before she spoke to JJ the way she did. She never felt like she had enough time to make mistakes and when JJ made a mistake, she felt that same crippling anxiety that whatever happened would be life-changing. Y/N hadn’t adjusted to her life in the Outer Banks. For her, it didn’t matter that there were laws and authority figures who would protect her– or at least were assigned to protect her. Y/N sometimes thought she’d always view the world as her against everything else. Well,  Cleo and her against everything else, but it didn’t seem like Cleo was having the same struggle with adjusting. Y/N knew she could be mean, but she really really didn’t want to lose this life. 

After walking for what felt like forever, a black gate came into view. A black gate that, from what Y/N could tell, led to the Genrette family’s burial plot. She hadn’t asked JJ where they were headed, her head clouded by how close they’d been in the forest and the verbal spat they’d had. This isn’t what she’d expected. 

“JJ–” 

“Just stay here by the gate while I go in.” JJ’s voice was less stiff, his frustration seeming to have decreased, but he still had that dejected air around him. 

“Where – why are we here?” Y/N asked and when JJ didn’t reply she added, “I thought you’d be talking to Groff.”  JJ kept his eyes trained to the side, refusing to look at Y/N. 

JJ chuckled sarcastically. “Bet you’re feeling silly now.” Y/N pursed her lips but refrained from responding. This wasn’t the time to pick a fight with JJ and she should have thought of that before. At least now, she’d try to be her version of supportive.

“Okay,” Y/N said, starting to move towards the gate again. When they reached the gate, Y/N spoke up again. “I’ll wait for you here.” 

Wordlessly, JJ stepped towards the gate, preparing to climb over the barrier. As JJ grabbed onto a rail for support, the gate pushed in with a creek. What… Looking at where She had assumed a lock would be keeping him out, Y/N saw the gate had been opened. Someone else was here. 

“Someone’s here,” JJ echoed her thoughts. 

“Should we come back?” JJ shook his head and she could see the determination in his eyes. He was going to do this. 

“I… I need to do this.” JJ whispered. She understood. She truly did. So she just nodded, reaching up to place her hand against his arm. 

“I know.” She hoped he could hear the sincerity and that he understood she did support him in this. He deserved to know the truth about who he was. “I’m right here” JJ gave her a long look, not making any move to go past the gate. “I won’t leave.”

With that, JJ gave her a nod and finally passed the threshold. Y/N couldn’t stop the nagging voice in her mind that kept repeating this was a bad idea. She needed to push past her issues with JJ and support him in this. Good terms or not, they were both Pogues and Pogues took care of each other. 

Y/N had planned on waiting patiently for JJ. She had told herself she would give him ten whole minutes before trying to find him in the cemetery to check if he was okay. Yet, within five minutes she heard the sound of someone coming towards the gate. The sound wasn’t from JJ’s workboots. The only place she could find to hide was in the trees, but there weren’t many and she wasn’t sure if she’d be caught. Maybe if she stood far enough away from the gate, whoever was about to leave the cemetery wouldn’t look her way. It was a game of luck and Y/N hated those.

Still, she rushed towards the trees and tried her best to stay hidden. Peering over the edge of the tree trunk, she caught the moment the person left the gates. Groff.  She had never liked the feeling she got around Groff. Meeting him had reminded her a lot of her Uncle, which meant it made her skin crawl. Holding her breath, she watched Groff leave the cemetery and turn towards where she was hidden.

Shit. Shit. Shit.

Somehow, some stroke of fate led him to walk straight past the trees, his focus on some object in his hands. Y/N let out a sigh of relief and waited for JJ to come back out. He must have talked to Groff.

But no one followed, even as Groff became a speck in the distance. That eerie feeling returned and Y/N ran towards the gate. It seemed Groff wasn’t the forgetful type because he had made sure to lock the gate. Why would he lock JJ in? Y/N needed to get in.

Taking multiple steps away from the gate, Y/N ran towards the iron gate. Gripping onto the metal bars, she used the momentum from her sprint to lift herself. Her shoes hit a narrow horizontal bar and she used it to push off and swing one leg over the top of the gate. She had to be mindful of where she placed her leg, making sure to avoid the pointed tops. Once both her legs were over the top, she used the same bar as a step to climb down and land safely on the other side. Y/N didn’t take a second to catch her breath, rushing to find JJ. He wasn’t around any of the graves, but there was what appeared to be a tomb. A crowbar had been stuck between the handles to keep someone from getting out. To keep JJ from getting out.  

“JJ!” Y/N called, walking closer to the tomb. She pulled the crowbar out. As she went to pull the door open, JJ was already tumbling out. “JJ, what happened?”

The blond boy remained silent, his lips in a thin, colorless line. Y/N’s eyes swept over him, taking note of how his usually tanned skin had turned pale. He looked as though he’d seen a ghost and considering her where she was, she wasn’t sure how far from the truth that was. 

“JJ, hey,” Y/N’s hand came up this arm just like earlier, but this time JJ shot back. The hazy look in his eyes was replaced with a frenzied one, his hand coming up to his hair to tug as he spoke.

“Groff,” Is all JJ said. “Groff.”

“I saw him. Why’d he lock you in there? JJ, something is–”

“Where?” Suddenly, JJ’s voice stilled. His demeanor was still panicked, but his voice came out clear. “Where did he go?” 

JJ didn’t wait for Y/N to stop hesitating, running out the gate. Y/N followed quickly watching him take the path towards their home, the same path Groff had taken. She wanted to stop him and get him to speak to her, but JJ was sprinting and she was struggling to keep up. She’s not sure how long they ran, but it couldn’t have been more than a few minutes. They’d reached the edge of the forest and she knew that after a few more minutes they’d be hitting a road that was usually empty. 

JJ stopped suddenly, bending over to hold his knees. Y/N didn’t take this as a chance to ask questions because it seemed JJ had started to calm down. His breathing was slowing down and some of the color on his face was returning. Whatever happened between him and Groff had very clearly not gone well and she didn’t want to pull that out of him. She needed to meet him where he was. 

“I’m gonna take the long way home,” JJ said, standing up to his full height. Y/N didn’t argue. They could take the long way home. 

“Alright.” Without any more words, Y/N followed JJ as he exited the clearing of the forests towards the road. Just as she had felt everything returning to normal, it all came crashing down again. Everything felt like it happened in milliseconds. 

Groff was on top of someone.

 Then JJ was charging towards them and pushing Groff off the other person.

Groff struggled under JJ while Y/N took in the third body.

The third dead body. Lightner, Terrance’s killer. The third body belonged to the mercenary that had held Cleo hostage and killed Terrance. And, now he was dead. 

Y/N didn’t have time to dwell on what that meant, because JJ was still in a tussle with Groff. She saw JJ’s head flick to the side, his gaze zeroing in on something: A knife. That must’ve been what Groff had used to cause the gaping wound Y/N could see on the mercenary. JJ flung himself off Groff and took hold of the knife, pointing it towards Groff. Not moving his eyes or his aim from Groff, JJ walked backward until he stood in front of Y/N. He had to sidestep step the body. 

“Don’t come closer,” JJ warned, his body effectively blocking Y/N from being able to determine what Groff was doing. Y/N moved to the side just enough to get a view, but not enough to make JJ’s efforts to protect her go in vain. She watched as Groff raised his hands in surrender and an appeasing smile made its way to the older man’s face. 

“JJ,” He chuckled. “Look, I don’t want trouble. He,” Groff pointed to the lifeless body on the ground. “He attacked me. I was defending myself.” JJ stayed silent, his body rigid, on alert.

“You have to believe me, son,” Groff’s words triggered something in JJ because suddenly he was leaning forward and shouting. 

“Shut up!” JJ yelled, before slowing down, his voice returning to its usual cadence. “Just shut up.”

Groff’s hands rose again, pushing them forward in a way of apologizing for overstepping. He waited another moment before trying again, “Nothing bad has to happen. Just… just get rid of the knife. He was a bad man. You know he was,” Groff said, his tone calm, like the kind a father would use to sing his child a lullaby. “He tried to kill you, your friends. He was doing the same to me, JJ. Let’s just throw the knife. Leave him.”

Groff was right, he was a bad man. The only thing stopping Y/N from agreeing to run was that she was sure Groff was a much worse man. 

“JJ, don’t listen to him,” Y/N drew JJ’s attention over his shoulder. “We can’t throw the knife away. It’s evidence.” Y/N saw JJ’s eyes close for just a second, his eyebrows furrowed in tension. 

“It’s okay,” Groff said, his voice sickeningly sweet. “It’s just us three. We can trust each other.” 

“He’s lying, JJ. We need to leave.” Y/N tried again. Groff stayed silent this time and when she looked at him she was shocked by how sincere he seemed. There was something about his eyes, something he could manipulate. He seemed so genuine like he was the good guy, but a good guy wouldn’t have locked JJ in a tomb. 

“Why should I believe you?” JJ was speaking to Groff with the knife still firmly pointed at him. “You just locked me in a fucking cemetery.” Thank God, JJ wasn’t falling for this. 

“That– that was to protect you,” Groff urged, using his hands emphatically. “I knew these guys were on my tail, I didn’t want you caught up in this. I was gonna come back for you, JJ.” 

Y/N stood out from behind JJ to see exactly where his head was at. She couldn’t decipher what he was thinking or whether Groff’s words were having any effect on him at all. 

“Why?”

Groff tilted his head at JJ in confusion, but clarity spread over his features quickly, “I want to protect you,” He said, walking closer to JJ, suddenly unafraid of the knife pointed at him. “Because you’re my son. My boy.” 

“JJ, please, he’s just–” Y/N didn’t have time to finish the persuasion. JJ pulled out the brown and silver lighter she knew he always kept on him and lit the wooden end of Groff’s knife. The fire caught quickly and JJ let the knife fall to the floor. As the wooden part of the knife began to turn to ash, JJ used the toe of his boot to put out the fire. As soon as the fire was out, Groff was approaching JJ with open arms and a smug smile on his face. 

“JJ, son–” JJ’s arm came out to push Groff away from him, a look of rage Y/N had never seen on him before. 

“Leave.” Groff stepped back from JJ with a hurt expression on his face.

“JJ–”

“I said leave. Go before I change my mind,” JJ warned. Then, so Groff wouldn’t call his bluff, he added “I’m not afraid to go to prison.” Groff’s expression thinned, but he nodded. It took him some time but he began to walk away. 

“One more thing,” JJ shouted. “Stay away from me and my friends.” Y/N saw the way Groff’s shoulders fell before he turned away and followed JJ’s orders. Y/N looked around at the empty roads. They needed to get out before someone else came.  

JJ was on the same page, it seemed because he grabbed her hand and began running into the woods. Taking the shortcut JJ had forsaken earlier, he didn’t stop or speak to Y/N until they were safely back on the Maybank property– their property. JJ tugged Y/N’s hand, stepping closer to her. He didn’t say a word, just watched her as they stood right by the chartering shack. Y/N couldn’t get her thoughts straight. Groff had murdered a man. They’d covered it for him. But that man wasn’t exactly innocent and Y/N couldn’t get that thought out of her head.  

“He killed Terrance.” JJ’s eyebrows furrowed before a look of realization passed his face. “Terrance’s killer is dead.”

JJ moved closer, his hand coming up to cup Y/N’s cheek. He’d never done that before and Y/N had a fleeting thought that maybe she’d have liked it if the circumstances were different. 

“It’s over okay?” JJ murmured. His hand was still against her skin, but he didn’t make any move to take it away. “All of it. The treasure, Groff– we’re done. I’m…” Y/N waited, letting JJ gather his thoughts. “I’m sorry.” Y/N’s hand wrapped around JJ’s wrist, clinging to his promise. She just wanted to be done. 

“It’s over,” Y/N repeated, the most she could offer in return for his apology. For once, she wasn’t angry with JJ. Maybe it was because the body was Lightner’s or maybe it was because he seemed to understand the gravity of this situation, but she wasn’t angry. She just wanted to forget this and move on. JJ nodded, before taking his hand away, and Y/N missed the warmth immediately.

“Y/N! Y/N wake up!” Cleo’s voice was barely noticeable as Y/N clung to the last bits of her sleep. Sleep had been fleeting, her grasp slipping every time she got close, last night. Her body had felt heavy like the weight of JJ’s decisions had somehow seeped into her bones. Destroying the evidence had been a horrible decision, to say the least, but it was done now. 

“Cleo, what?” Y/N grumbled, turning the other way to ignore her unwanted alarm. That’s when she heard it: A familiar voice coming from the living room. It was Shoupe’s voice. Y/N shot up in bed. Cleo’s expression was stern, not betraying a hint of worry, but Y/N knew her much too well to fall for that. 

“Do you think he knows about Terrance?” Cleo asked. Y/N was already getting out of bed, running her hands through her hair. Y/N knew that wasn’t the case, but if she said anything, Cleo would know something was wrong. She could read Y/N as well as Y/N could read her. 

Y/N took a quick look at herself in the mirror. Allowing herself enough time for only one deep breath in and out, Y/N left the bedroom. The door of her bedroom, well more like her storage closet, led straight into the living room. Shoupe on the couch, Sarah and John B sat with rigid posture in front of him on pull-out chairs. Her arrival had drawn the attention of the other three and just as she came in, so did JJ from the front door. They had only a second to make eye contact before Shoupe was speaking.

“Ah, Good Morning,” Shoupe gave Y/N an easy-going smile that did nothing to make her feel at ease. Shoupe looked up towards her literal partner in crime and gave him a nod. “JJ.”

“Morning, Shoupe,” Nothing about JJ seemed like he could have any inclination as to why Shoupe was here. Y/N did her best to follow his lead. “Didn’t bring any donuts, but…” JJ made a show of looking down at his almost empty water bottle. “I could give you a sip.” 

Shoupe’s smile turned into a sarcastic one as he shook his head. “I’ll pass. Just wanted to ask y’all a couple of questions.”

JJ’s eyebrow shot up, curiously. “What about?” 

“Nothing of worry. I was just asking these guys where they were yesterday. Say around 4 p.m.?” 

JJ gave him a questioning look, walking further into the room. “Why would that be of interest to you?” Y/N suppressed a groan. Why was he being difficult?

“Look,” Shoupe sighed, standing up from the couch. “I don’t want trouble. Sarah and John B. answered my questions. Why don’t you just cooperate for once.” Oh. Of course, it would have been more of a giveaway if JJ hadn’t been asking questions. 

“That’s all fine, but don’t I get to know why I’m being questioned?” JJ waited as Shoupe looked at him, an unsure look on the cop’s face. Finally, Shoupe began speaking. 

“A body was found on a back road and we’re just trying to make sure all our bases are covered,” Y/N went still. She’d been quiet this whole time, but now she was scared she wouldn’t be able to speak even if she was asked to. The cops knew about the body, but how did Shoupe know one of them was involved? He doesn’t know, Y/N reminded herself, it’s just a theory. 

“And we’re a base because?” JJ continued his act of oblivious defiance. “Don’t know about the rest, but Y/N and I were together around… what time did you say?” JJ’s voice seemed muffled over the blood pumping in Y/N’s ear. 

“Four.”

“Yeah, I was with Y/N. Here, at the shop,” JJ offered. “We were trying to fix the charter shack's generator. Y/N kind of fried the thing.” With that, all eyes were on Y/N. It was her turn to make JJ’s lies believable enough for them to get past this. 

“I didn’t fry it,” Y/N argued, rolling her eyes before focusing on Shoupe. “But, yeah, I was with JJ working on the generator. You can stop by the shack if you want. You’ll get to witness JJ’s handy work firsthand.”

Shoupe nodded his head before it slowly turned into a shake, “No, that’s alright. We think the guy got into something with the Genrettes. I know y’all have been heading to Goat Island a bit more so I thought I’d check in. Thanks for your cooperation,” Shoupe shot JJ a pointed look, before heading out the front door.

“Explain,” Cleo said, her accent coming out thicker like it always did when she was going big sister mode with Y/N. They were only a year apart but she had always treated Y/N like she was her little sister rather than a friend.  

Y/N bit her lip and sighed, “Call Pope and Kie, we need to talk.”

“So you tampered with evidence and left a body in the middle of a road?”

“You know, for someone so smart, you ask an awful lot of dumb questions, Pope,” John B quipped at Pope’s recap. Y/N and JJ had spent the last fifteen minutes catching the Pogues up to speed. On everything: Genrette’s letter, finding Groff at the grave, the confession JJ received, and JJ burning the knife. Turns out, Pope, Kiara, and Cleo had all been questioned before Y/N had woken up, each having an alibi and someone to attest to it. For Kie, it was her mom who had asked her to meet for lunch somewhere. Pope and Cleo had been together at his parent’s place.

“JJ, why did you tell Shoupe we were together?” As soon as Shoupe had left, Y/N had been reviewing every word of the interaction. She was trying to find any part that could have gotten them caught, but Shoupe had been surprisingly willing to listen and the conversation had been much shorter than anticipated. 

“Cause we were?” JJ was sat on the floor, his back against the couch, as he looked up at Y/N.

“Now we’re each other’s alibis and no one can back us up to say we weren’t near the crime scene,” Y/N was trying extremely hard to not lose her patience. Yes, this was JJ’s fault, but she knew it wasn’t black and white. None of the messes they found themselves in ever were. 

JJ was quiet for a while before he looked away. “No one else could have been our alibi.” He probably hadn’t meant for it to hurt, but God did it. He was right. The only people who could have covered for JJ and Y/N were in this room. This was the only family they had.

“What do we do now?” Sarah piped from next to Y/N on the couch. 

“Nothing. The only people who were there were Y/N and me. There are no cameras. We’re fine.” JJ’s nonchalance was met with a slap against the back of his head from Cleo.

“Ouch?”

“You’re forgetting Groff, idiot.”

“Okay,” Kiara cut off any possibility of a fight between JJ and Cleo with a question of her own. “What happens if they do tie this to the two of them? Or, more likely, if Groff tries to pin this on them?” The entire room was silent as they considered this. It almost felt like no one had considered where Groff fell into all this. 

“He wouldn’t—” JJ sounded exasperated by this conversation, but it was obvious to everyone that this was so much deeper for him. “Groff doesn’t get anything from trying to pin this on us.”

“Um, except maybe innocence,” Pope chipped in his usual wise guy way that he couldn’t help sometimes, but Y/N knew he didn’t mean any harm by it. She watched JJ with a steady gaze as he simply shrugged and looked away. This was going to be such a long conversation if someone didn’t take the lead. Y/N looked over to John B with a desperate plea on her face that she hoped he’d understand. Luckily, he did. 

“Alright look,” John B said, getting up from his seat on the couch. He moved to the edge of the room so that he could be seen by everyone. “What we need is a backup plan if this comes back to Y/N and JJ.”

“They could get married.”

Y/N was surprised everyone’s heads didn’t roll off with how quickly they turned to look at Pope. 

“What?” 

“What?”

Y/N and Kiara looked at each other briefly after their simultaneous outbursts before looking back at Pope. He was sat lazily against the other side of the couch, opposite to JJ, mischief in his eyes. 

“What? Spousal privilege and all that,” Pope chuckled. 

“Cleo, wack him in the head,” Y/N fussed. “This is no time for jokes.” Pope lifted his hands in a surrender gesture, but the smirk never left his face.

“Okay, well, any other ideas?” John B waited a minute, letting the silence settle in until it felt as if it could be infinite, before sighing and placing his hands on his hips. “We stay low. JJ, don’t make contact with Groff. At least for now. And we’ll take a backseat on the treasure-hunting stuff.” 

Y/N watched as the Pogues immediately began protesting in various ways. The treasure was their last chance of making it out. JJ was the only person aside from John B and herself that was quiet. He had promised her there would be no more treasure hunting, but she hadn’t taken him seriously. JJ was always the last to back down from any fight, but especially one like this. 

John B lifted his hand to silence the others, “There’s been too much death surrounding us. This thing…it seems bigger than us.” He offered when no one looked convinced, “Just until the Ligthner thing blows over. Then we can try and see if it’s worth finding.” 

“So no wedding?” 

“Shut up, Pope.”

The ban on wedding talk didn’t last long in Poguelandia 2.0, because by six p.m. Y/N had been called into the station for more questioning. JJ had been going stir-crazy waiting for her to come home since she’d left with Pope as her driver two hours ago. Pope had been sporadically updating the group chat, but it did little to quell how his stomach kept lurching. He hoped this wouldn’t catch up to the two of them, even though all points were pointing to it. 

The group had come out to sit on the patio, unable to bear sitting inside while they waited for Pope and Y/N to return. The sun was beginning to set and JJ had to keep absentmindedly swatting bugs away, but he barely registered anything around him. In the past 24 hours, he’d seen things he had never imagined and he never should have. And it just kept getting worse. 

“JJ, can I just ask,” John B spoke up, breaking the silence that had set amongst the five remaining pogues. “What were you thinking?” JJ looked up at John B with a deadpan look. 

“You tell me, 'cause I’m not the only one to turn a blind eye to my father killing someone,” He gave John B a pointed look and then turned the look to the others. “Or try to cover up a murder, for that matter.” 

Everyone stared at him for a long moment, before nodding and mumbling some version of acceptance. JJ shook his head, letting his mind wander back to the day before. Seeing the man who was supposedly his father murder someone wasn’t the worst part. No, the worst part was seeing the corpse of his mother and her resting place in ruin. 

He couldn’t get that image out of his head. His mother. He’d never known her, never known she was anyone to him, and the first time he saw her – at an age where he’d remember forever– it had been in the most haunting way. He’d wanted to throw up every time he remembered the sight, but he couldn’t stop reminding himself of it. JJ reached his fingers in his pocket trying to find the letter from Genrette–  which had ironically become a comforting item. He felt nothing but the cotton lining of his pocket. Sitting up straighter, he checked his other pocket and found the same. There was no way he’d lost it, he’d kept the letter with him since he’d received it. 

Just as JJ was beginning to stand from his seat, noticing he’d drawn Kie’s attention with his movements, he heard the Twinkie pull onto the property. Soon, Pope and Y/N exited the Volkswagen, their expressions somber. JJ stilled, waiting with bated breath as they stepped onto the porch. Y/N wordlessly slid the white banister and let her head fall against her knees. 

“What? What happened?” JJ asked, moving to crouch down next to her. When she didn’t respond, just releasing a muffled groan, JJ turned to look at Pope. “What did Shoupe say?” 

“According to Y/N, he has some sort of evidence,” Pope took a seat in front of their porch bench, letting his head fall against Cleo’s thigh. “That could tie y’all to the scene.”

JJ’s eyebrows furrowed as he processed what Pope was saying. Just as John B got out the words to ask what evidence they were referring to, JJ realized what had happened. 

“Oh shit,” JJ thought aloud. He was still crouched beside Y/N, who was looking up now to see what JJ was cursing at. He just looked at her waiting for her to confirm his worst suspicions. 

“The letter?” Y/N’s confirmation came in the form of a question, checking to see if JJ had already put that together. When his head fell, he knew she’d gotten her answer. “You knew?” Her voice was so accusatory, so full of unreleased venom that it made his head spin. 

“No, yes– wait, ugh no,” JJ stood up to pace the porch and clear his thoughts. “I just realized a minute ago, that I’d lost it.” JJ wasn’t looking at Y/N as he explained himself. “It must have fallen out of my pocket.”

“Can someone fill us in,” Sarah, who was leaning against the opposite banister from Y/N, asked. “What letter?”

JJ filled in the rest of the Pogues about the letter from Genrette and him having the letter on him. He promised that he hadn’t known it had fallen out until just then and this time he looked at Y/N as he did. She just looked exhausted. Cleo, who had slipped inside without JJ noticing, gave her a water bottle and she didn’t speak until she’d chugged the entire thing. 

“Shoupe asked if I knew anything about it. About the letter,” Y/N finally spoke. “I told him no. He wanted me to confirm where I’d been, so I told him here. With JJ. Asshole tried to say I wouldn’t be in trouble if my answer changed,” Y/N added with a scoff. JJ felt himself soften at that. She’d covered for him and it seemed she’d done it without a second thought. 

“Was that it?” JJ said, instead of expressing any gratitude. Y/N shook her head.

“He basically asked how the letter could’ve been on the road if you hadn’t been. So…” Y/N pursed her lips, looking away from everyone. JJ felt his heart start to beat faster. This must have been when she admitted the truth: That this was all his fault. 

“So?” Pope asked, clearly not having heard this part of the debrief.

“I… told him Groff came by here.”

No one said anything and no one moved. 

“You did what?!” John B was the first to express the shared sentiment.

“I told him Groff came by!” Y/N doubled down, her voice more confident. “He wasn’t letting the idea go that I would know this about JJ, something about all of us not being able to keep our social securities a secret from each other. So I told him I knew he thought Groff could be his dad, but didn’t know about the letter. 

“I told him Groff came by when I was manning the register and said JJ had called him over, JJ and him went to have a private conversation, and when he came back all JJ said was that Groff being his dad was fake news. I kind of suggested that maybe Groff took the letter back without outright suggesting it.”

JJ looked at Y/N, always careful Y/N. Y/N wasn’t careful in an innocent way. It was more…calculated. She took risks she knew had a higher probability of ending in her favor and never ones that would deter her from her end goal, whatever that may be. He couldn’t believe she’d lied to the cops in such a risky way.

“Y/N, that’s crazy,” Kie said. “What if they find out you’re lying? They could ask Groff.”

“I didn’t know what to do, Kie,” Y/N’s head was in her hands now. “I know, it was stupid.”

“Not completely,” John B offered. “Technically, it’s still you and JJ’s words against Groffs. That’s got to count for something. JJ nodded. 

“I just… can’t get what Kie said out of my mind. Groff could easily take us down with him. What if this shit goes to court?”

“He’ll be gone before that,” JJ cut Y/N’s line of questioning off before she could go further. “He told me he’s headed to Morrocco. At the cemetery. Said he had everything: the map, how to read it.” 

“Why would he tell you all that? He didn’t even admit you were his son until it was convenient.” JJ tried not to let Y/N’s words sting. 

“He was trying to make me sound crazy like I was plotting to take the crown somehow by posing as his lost son. He kept saying it was ‘too late for anyone to take what was his’. I don’t know,” JJ shrugged. He avoided the pitiful gazes of his friends by looking out at the now night sky. 

“I guess that’s something. But it still doesn’t get rid of the what if. This is a murder case, so if JJ and Y/N are linked to it, they’ll go to court. We all know KCPD doesn’t have a great track record of putting the real murderer in jail.” How Sarah could speak about her family trauma so nonchalantly, JJ would never know. “We can’t let Y/N perjure herself if they find out JJ tampered with evidence.” 

The Pogues let themselves sit in what Sarah said, trying to find any solution. JJ was never the problem solver, but right now he couldn’t even come up with one of his bizarre ideas. Well, except–

“Guys, I know I was joking before, but…” Pope gave Y/N and JJ a sheepish look, lifting one shoulder in a shrug. There was an absence of even a trace of humor on his face.

“No way,” Y/N argued. “That’s crazy. We can’t get married.”

“Yeah, what?” JJ agreed, even though he’d been thinking the same. He didn’t actually think that would be an option. 

“Y/N…”

“Cleo, there’s no way you think that’s reasonable.” Y/N and Cleo often did this thing where they’d communicate with only their eyes. JJ’s not sure if they actually knew what the other was saying or if they just filled the gaps with assumptions, but whichever it was it had Y/N storming inside the house. 

“Y’all aren’t serious right?” JJ asked, but he had a feeling he didn’t want to hear the answer. 

“Spousal privilege, JJ. If Groff tries to bring you two to court, the only witnesses to his story are you two. If they can’t force you to testify against each other in court, then he has no leg to stand on.” JJ hated that Pope’s silver tongue. He could make almost anything sound like it was right. 

“It makes sense,” John B added. JJ looked to Sarah who was nodding, but giving Kiara a sad look. 

“Us getting married is not being left to a group vote.” 

JJ turned to look at Kiara and felt his face flush. He hadn’t had a full conversation with her since he’d told her about the letter, but in his defense, he’d been a bit tied up. He’s not sure if it was completely intentional, since whatever he and Kie had wasn’t acknowledged in the group, but Pope, Sarah, and John B all went inside. 

Kie avoided JJ’s stare, as she sat on the bench picking at imaginary cuticles. JJ walked over to her slowly, not feeling deserving of talking to her now, after he’d been so shut off. Still, he had to say something. 

“Kie,” His voice was soft as he sat down on the bench. 

“They’re talking crazy right? Marriage.” Kiara asked, letting her brown eyes meet his blue ones. “You’re nineteen.” 

JJ and Kiara had a complicated relationship. For the longest time, JJ had a crush on Kiara. All the boys had at some point, most of those points overlapping. She was a pretty girl and for a while the only girl who hung out with them. It was impossible not to have a crush. But as they got older, JJ was able to look past that, and see Kiara for who she truly was. To him, she held the same place as John B and Pope did in his life, just with the bonus of being hot. Nothing ever came of that childhood crush and JJ didn’t think of Kiara in any way other than a friendly one for many years. Until they’d started working on Poguelandia 2.0.

Maybe it was because they were surrounded by couples, but the air between them had changed, and it wasn’t just on his end this time. When JJ would flirt, Kie would flirt back. When he’d sit a little closer than necessary on the couch, she’d close the gap. He’s not sure when or how, but it hadn’t taken them long to take that give-and-take into the bedroom. He couldn’t say that’s all they were– friends with benefits– because of course that wasn’t all they were. They’d been best friends before everything and you couldn’t sleep with your best friend and not let feeling get involved. But neither of them ever tried to define their relationship and JJ didn’t know if they ever would. Sometimes he would think of it as a situationship that would fizzle out, but then he’d feel guilty because this was Kie. He loved her. He knew he did, but was he confusing platonic love with romantic? And if he wasn’t, if he did romantically love Kie, did she even feel the same? They never talked about those thoughts though and the other Pogues never gave their fire the air it needed to grow– except one time, over a beer, John B had echoed JJ’s thoughts and let it slip that he thought that their arrangement would end eventually. Regardless, she still deserved for him to address her role in all of this. 

“They’re definitely talking crazy, but…” He lacked the conviction he knew she needed to hear. JJ watched Kie’s nose scrunch, in the way it always did when she had something to say but wouldn’t let herself. “What? Say it.” Kie’s nose scrunch disappeared and she gave JJ a small smile. 

“I just…” Kie’s scrunch returned, but she pushed through. “I know we’re not exactly exclusive. But I just thought we were more than…”

“We are,” JJ insisted, his hand reaching out to take hers. “Of course, we’re more than that.” Kie squeezed his hand once, but her smile was half-hearted.  

“Are you seriously going to go along with this?”

“Y/N would never agree,” JJ said to ease her worries, but really to ease his own.

“If she did, though?” Kie’s hold on JJ’s had tightened and it felt like her hand was wrapped around his heart. He let his mind run through that possibility, deciding what he’d do.

“It’s my fault she’s in this situation.” That’s all that JJ could offer Kiara. Because in truth that’s all he knew. No matter what plan of action the Pogues took, his priority was making sure Y/N came out of this unscathed. He couldn’t live with himself if one of his friend’s lives got ruined because of him. 

Kiara took her hand away from his and he felt the lack of it more than the touch itself. “If you do, we couldn’t keep doing…whatever we’re doing.”

“It wouldn’t be a real marriage, Kie,” JJ argued, but he felt gross as he said it. It wasn’t a real marriage, but he couldn’t expect Kie to stick around and wait for all of this to blow over.

“It would just make everything weird,” Kiara voiced JJ’s thoughts. JJ didn’t get a chance to offer any more to this conversation, because John B was yelling his name from inside. Sighing, JJ got up and waited for Kie to stand before they headed inside the house. 

“What?” JJ asked, taking in the Pogues, who had now assembled in the living room. Y/N stood in the corner, her arms crossed across her chest and a look of defeat on her face. Y/N never looked defeated. 

John B clapped his hands with a shit-eating grin on his face, “I’m gonna be your best man, right? Not Pope?” 

What? 

“I’m not walking down the aisle with you,” Cleo shot at John B.

“There’s no aisle,” Sarah reminded. “It’s at the courthouse.” JJ felt the hairs on the back of his neck raise. 

“What’s at the courthouse?” He shouldn’t have asked. He already knew. 

“Your wedding, of course.” JJ wanted to wipe that smile off Pope’s face with his fist. 

taglist: @theater-bitch @ayy1234567 @tpwkyarely @lovesanimals0000 @B3rryb3t @mvaldez7821 @ummmmokaynotme @velyssaraptor

[ninicaise]

some ppl are rlly out there claiming to be damen fans while completely misunderstanding and minimizing every aspect of his character except for how much he suffers lmfao.

if you think slavery wasn't a core flaw in akielon culture and damen wasn't on some level morally reprehensible for being a perpetrator in that system then i'm sorry but you do not like damen as much as you think you do. if you think the akielon slavery system is somehow justifiable in-universe because in the originally slavekink type of worldbuilding the slaves wanted to be in that position bc they were naturally submissive then you missed the entire point of damen's character arc.

the issue isn't that i can't see slavery through the lens of kink exploration, i'm very good at suspension of disbelief. but pacat said it himself, the consensual kink part of the story and worldbuilding got away from him because damen refused to comply with that narrative. so at that point a theme of "slavery bad" starts making its way into the story through damen. the slave kink excuse is no longer valid because damen himself starts questioning it, within the story. the narrative (DAMEN!!!!!) sets this moral standard, not the reader.

now. i'm not claiming damen deserved any of the horrible treatment he got from laurent, bc he did not. i'm speaking in terms of strictly what happened in the story. in the story, damen is a former slave owner, realizing slaves are in a very vulnerable position because he himself is put in a very vulnerable position with the worst master and owner imaginable is a core part of his story, his narrative, and the most telling thing about his personality and beliefs.

damen took those negative experiences, that pain and anger he felt at being captive, brutalized, humiliated, and robbed of his free will, and he was able to transfer those onto other people, his subjects, people he himself might've hurt by taking away their own free will. he was able to grow from his trauma through self-reflection and to see reality beyond a life of normalization of systematic violence from which he benefited, resolving to make a significant change as soon as he got the power to do so. that level of empathy and integrity is incredibly admirable of him.

and so you can't have your cake an eat it too. if you claim to love and enjoy this part of his character, you cannot in good faith claim the evil (in a thematic sense) he was fighting against and managed to defeat was not that even that evil anyway. you are saying his judgement is clouded by personal trauma, that he is biased and even overdramatic, and seeing a problem where there isn't any. this is in fact, disrespectful to damen's character. believe it or not.

[milevenstancyendgame]

Mike Feeling Insecure About How Eleven Sees Him

Warning: This analysis accepts Mileven as canon and is pro-Mileven.

I think it's great that Mike's insecurity regarding Eleven's opinion of him was shown to us early on in s1, but it never really stood in their way, until it was brought back up in s4.

In s1, Mike tells El: "I don’t know why I just didn’t tell you. Everyone at school knows. I just didn’t want you to think I was such a wasteoid, you know?"

He's giving us a glimpse of having a low opinion of himself and projecting that onto El. He feels ashamed for being bullied and assumes that others will think him weak for it.

Then later on, when Lucas and Mike fight, Lucas accuses Mike of being blind with regards to El because she's the first girl to not be disgusted by him. I consider this a low blow (I love Lucas) and we can see that this hits Mike deeply (just rewatch it and look at his face). He starts punching Lucas after this.

So this further elaborates the context of Mike falling in love for us. It's not clear whether he has been in love before and got rejected, but either specific girls have been mean to him or it's just something that the boys assume, because they never had an explicitly positive relationship with a girl.

In s2, we see a group of girls in school giving the four boys weird looks, as they scramble for Max's note in the trash bin. All in all, it just seems like they aren't popular with their peers in general.

Plus, in s1 Ted Wheeler also said sarcastically "My son with a girl?" Which gives us a good idea of where Mike's low self esteem originates.

So Mike having the basic belief that girls don't like him, makes it inevitable that this will become an issue within his relationship with El, if left unaddressed.

Which is exactly what happened, as his basic negative beliefs about himself combined with his fear of losing El - we hear this in his talk to Will in the pizza van, sharing his fear that El might not need him any more, because she realised that he's "just a random nerd."

Mike doesn't believe himself to be special or worthy in any way, which is exactly what his parents treat him like (emotional neglect).

He further shares the belief that El only became attached to him because she needed someone when they first met, and he took her in. This further shows that he believes being loved is conditional and bound to performing a service to the other person/being of use to them.

In a more indirect, but nevertheless meaningful and realistic way, we see Mike giving El unconditional love - like so many unloved, lonely people, he gives her the love that he desperately craves himself, but doesn't feel worthy of.

There are many instances of this, but I'll just point out here the beautiful arc from him reassuring El about her appearance in s1 ("You don't need it." & "Yeah, pretty. Really pretty.") to "I love you on your good days, I love you on your bad days, I love you with your powers, I love you without your powers. I love you for exactly who you are." in his s4 monologue. And we have his actions to back up these reassurances.

Now that Eleven overcame her own insecurities and self-doubt in s4, and Mike has finally told her "I love you" and has made himself completely vulnerable to her, admitting his fear of losing her, of her not needing him anymore; I think a powerful/beautiful monologue from El in s5, reassuring Mike of her feelings for him, would sort of have them come full circle and close their low self-esteem/insecurity in the relationship arcs.

[yannaryartside]

WE NEED 5 SEASONS

Okay I need to vent a little. Please indulge me

This is for this article that says the 5th season is up to Storer.

Storer said they filmed most of season 4, and some things still need to be filmed. So we will have s4 next summer, and we don't know if there will be a 5th one.

I could put my hand on fire to my belief that we will have 5 seasons. Mostly, because regardless of the importance of showing “being trapped in negative patterns” that was s3 for multiple characters, is not gonna be a satisfying conclusion if all those patterns are resolved in one season.

Realistically, i would not make sense.

Even if you think Claire is Carmy’s salvation, this graceful, perfect angel that came to serve Carmy’s redemption, and when they get together, everything will be fine (that narrative sucks ass, by the way, is perpetually insulting to everyone that had ever had a mental illness to suggest them they only need to fall on the hands of someone that ignores all their defects and are determined to please them). You could believe this is all about self-sabotage, and Carmy will wake up next season, apologize to Claire, save the restaurant by ex-maquina magic, and get his happy ending. Yeah, that will be 4 seasons of a conclusive story and an objectively terrible narrative. It is also very insulting to every person who has a romantic partner who struggles with addiction and/or mental illness to tell them they need to be this fairy tale of a person who is Claire to bring "peace" to their partner and basically solve their life. Fuck that. I refuse to believe they are doing that on purpose.

But if they put the “sleigh of hand” and Carmy has to realize that his emotional dependence on Claire is toxic and only contributed to his depression and disassociation, since you spent all S3 pulling him in that direction, making him believe that is what he wanted/needed, you are going to need a whole season for him even to “scape the illusion.” All of this will align with the Bear having to close, Syd potentially leaving, and starting dating Luca. So, S4 is going to be the “wake-up call.”

S5 should be the season of creating new patterns. Carmy will get into therapy. Syd will come back. The two will create new recipes and work on the menu (collaboration, vulnerability). They will realize they have true feelings for one another. Each character will move towards the place they are gonna end up with.

If you created a whole season about "being in the freeze response" and another two previous seasons of extending trauma and bad coping mechanisms, you are gonna need more than one season to fix that; mental wellness is not like that; it should be treated like something that requires more time combined with efforts.

Not to mention, if SydCarmy is indeed happening, you have spent 3 fucking seasons creating distance between them. I also feel like so much of Sydney's life (to her and to us) is trapped around Carmy's issues, and it actually would make more sense for her to realize being with Carmy is too taxing for her, regardless if she had the most realistic tools to actually help him to grow.

You also had not given Sydney a proper arc to grow from her insecurities and follow her dreams. She still seems to be as insecure of her own skills as when she came in, because Carmy insist on creating a menu based on his trauma. Regardless of his good intentions and the beauty of their connection, she will leave the "bear narrative" as if Carmy is the closest thing she had to a chef David, as if Carmy was the monster she needed to endure to "grow" or "decide better." Fuck that.

[oatmealuv]

love for love’s sake carefully, and beautifully handled mental health. they didn’t sugar coat the depression myungha and yeowoon were experiencing.

a lot of times in bl we see characters going through hardships, but by the magic of love they’re better again or everything gets fixed. external love definitely plays a huge part in healing and being able to get through hard situations more swiftly, but it’s hardly ever the sole solution.

myungha getting a bf didn’t cure him, gaining friends didn’t cure him. he had two guys wrapped around his finger, his grandma was alive yet he still has low self worth. he’s someone that has been depressed for so long, has had deeply ingrained negative beliefs about himself that have kept him from ever being truly happy. he believes that nobody could ever love him, he can’t bother anybody with his problems because he’s a burden.

this is why depressed people isolate, they believe all of the things the depression is telling them and it is incredibly difficult to change that. it can take years to change the way you percieve yourself and the world, i think the buffs were the blockages in myungha’s perception. when yeowoon said “i love you” to him, there was an error message because deep in his soul he believes that as an impossibility. his buffs were because of his attempts to getting close to yeowoon, he saw it as a danger because getting close would mean that he would burden yeowoon.

myungha’s life was so so sad, poor guy was dealt such bad cards. his mom living happily without him as if he never existed served as proof of the negative things he’s been telling himself. realizing that you’re nothing to no one, that you’re hard to love or you’re too much is such a hard pill to swallow. it might not be objectively true, but if your mind believes it, then that’s all it takes to completely break your spirit. myungha kills himself because he sees no reason for his life, his mom abandoned him, his gf broke up with him, and his grandmother is dead. his reason for life is reliant on other people it isn’t an internal reason.

now when he’s in the game, he’s faced with the choice of who he loves more, yeowoon or his grandma. i think that they decide to make him choose between them because he can’t fathom receiving love from two people at once. it’s overwhelming, and terrifying for someone that has had limited quantities of love his whole life. his love for yeowoon is the truest love he’s ever felt besides his grandmother. yeowoon and myungha are equals, share a lot of similar life experiences, yeowoon opens up his heart and is ready to be there for him unconditionally. even when myungha refuses to share what he’s feeling, when he is actively breaking his heart, he is willing to change whatever it takes just to be around him. having someone show you that unconditional love is both incredible and so scary at the same time. that person is seeing you at your most vulnerable, at your worst and still choosing you.

myungha is used to self-abandonment, it’s all he knows. he felt like choosing yeowoon would mean choosing himself, and in turn would mean he is selfish and leaving is grandmother to die. if he chose his grandmother he would stick to his usual self, but yeowoon would possibly go back to how he was in the beginning and die. to him everything seems like a huge risk because he feels the weight of the world on his shoulders. of course in the game that really was the consequence, choose one life over another. but i think this show really did a great job at showing just how impossible choices can be when you’re depressed, how warped your point of view gets. but i couldn’t help to think what would’ve happened if he had chosen himself, maybe that’s what he was supposed to do.

[blorger]

Hello so I wanna ask about Hinny and Drarry, since Ginny does everything she can so Harry will like her not showing him her vulnerable/emotional/crying side and girly/feminine since these are what Harry doesn't like, and even did Quidditch just for him, how come these would work with Drarry/Draco? But not with Hinny, if Ginny ever did those, Like I've read that Draco is femme coded and well Harry saw Draco being emotional and crying and the moment Draco didn't do Quidditch anymore, Harry, who supposedly love this because that's why Ginny even does this, suddenly lost interest but in a way Drarry still makes more sense and will actually work

And another weird thing is Harry has a sense of justice right? And hates Draco acting like a bully but the thing with Ginny being good at hex and does it to Smith, isn't that considered bullying?

I think it depends on your personal tastes since drarry is not canon but, to me, it reads differently from hinny because JKR is bad at writing romance: what she intends to come across one way often reads in a completely different manner to her audience.

JKR is a misogynist so in her mind a successful female love interest cannot be too girly: Ginny is boyish because jkr sees femininity in a negative light which means that Harry, her creation, also sees femininity in a negative light. If us readers don't have the same fucked up worldview we can see the inherent sexism in Ginny's "not like other girls" depiction and we can see that Ginny's character is constructed rather cynically in order to fulfil JKR's ideal.

JKR wrote Ginny being aggressive and malicious towards Zacharias Smith because she wants us to enjoy seeing a character we're supposed to like (Ginny) dress down one we're supposed to dislike (Smith). To her, a Good Guy's actions are inherently good on account of their goodness so this is not bullying. It's a somewhat circular logic: Ginny's actions can't be ill-natured because Ginny is meant to be one of our heroes so whatever she does (wether it be cursing Zach Smith or laughing behind Luna's back) is good by default. This is not a very nice or coherent belief system: someone's intent and actions are what determines the quality of someone's character, we don't excuse horrible behaviour just because it comes from a well liked/respected person (or at least we shouldn't).

JKR intended for Ginny to come across as funny and tough but she wrote her according to her own ideals so Ginny's humor ends up reading like malice and her tomboy persona ends up feeling fabricated in order to appeal to the male gaze. Conversely, JKR intended for Draco to come across as mean and weak but did not realize that, by showing us his flaws, she gave Draco's character more depth and nuance than she ever does to Ginny. Thus Draco, who's meant to be pretty one-note as a character, ends up reading as complex and sympathetic and we find ourselves wanting to understand his thoughts and motivations.

When writing the books, JKR wanted to make Draco's status as a minor villain blindingly obvious and she did so by femme coding him. We have been trained to associate gender non-conformity and general deviation from the norm with villainy by the media we watch (Disney villains being a very notable example); this is called queer coding, here's a very coincise explanation:

This trope is so omnipresent in the media we watch that we don't even notice it, that's how successfully the concept has been assimilated into our culture.

JKR tried doing something similar to that with Draco's femme coding. She's a misogynist to the highest order so this is meant to help make him unlikeable but this doesn't work if you don't hold the same worldview as her. JKR shows us Draco crying because to her crying is the ultimate act of weakness, we aren't meant to sympathize with him, we're meant to be somewhat scornful.

Here I come back to the gap between what JKR wants us to read and what we read. If you don't have the same exact opinions as JKR, you end up reading a completely different story from what she intended which is why to many the hinny romance falls flat. As to why many people are drawn to drarry, it's a matter of personal taste.

Personally, I enjoy reading about relationships in which the people within are equals and have a profound understanding of each-other; stories about not meaning what you say and not saying what you mean and about the thin line between love and hate are interesting to me and drarry checks out all these boxes for me (i watched too many Moonlighting reruns as a kid and i became a lifelong lover of enemies to lovers storylines).

Ultimately, all that matters is wether a certain ship has a dynamic you enjoy reading about and you can interpret canon to suit your needs accordingly. It doesn't matter what JKR intended, it stopped mattering the moment she finished writing the books and sent them to her publisher. We read for entertainment value and we are free to derive entertainment however we see fit.

Sorry for the verbose reply, and thank you for the ask my friend.

xoxo

[fizzie-frog]

Blitzø: core self, trauma and healing (part two)

This is a continuation of my previous post. Thanks to Tumblr limitations, I had to split it into different parts (trust me, I wish I could've made it just one big post).

PART ONE

This might be long...

He tried to waddle through the trauma of existing as someone as self-loathing as himself.

He denied;

“I didn’t do anything, it was an accident!”

He isolated;

He minimized, often with humour;

“Uh-oh, looks like it sucked all the fun outta you!”

He avoided being vulnerable;

“I DID CARE!”

And felt awkward/uncomfortable when he did end up spilling out his emotions;

“Weeeeeeeell, fuck you!”

Suppressed his emotions;

… Cause they’re blinding and suffocating, and it’s easier to avoid them.

He hated himself and didn’t believe there is anything good about him, despite having changed lives for the better;

And he dipped if he got too close (everything literally burnt down when he tried getting closer, didn’t it);

He often didn’t believe others would hold any endearment for him, even taking it as a joke;

“I destroy everything, everyo— I make everyone’s lives worse!”

And that’s it, really. He believes he’s a pest, a virus, something that can only do harm. While his core self still showed itself from time to time, he was blinded with the trauma of all his wrongdoings. All the people he’s hurt and that, in a self-fulfilling prophecy, made him hurt even more.

Everything he couldn’t look straight in the eye. The death of his mother, caused by him. The hurt of his friend, caused by him. The hurt he’s caused around himself. He couldn’t bear see it, knowing it would break him down. That’s why he avoided it. Thinking about what happened, what he did is suffocating. But that also blinded him from seeing his good deeds too. As usual, we’re more likely to see the negative over the positive.

Blitz picked himself up by the bootstraps as they say, but it didn’t help him, not within himself. So what did help?

I think it started in Oops…

He didn’t wanna be vulnerable, but after so much hurt and things left unsaid, it spilled. It all spilled out and made him into a crying mess right in front of Fizz, cause as much as he tried to act unbothered, he did care (as he said in the episode). He was vulnerable, he explained to Fizz exactly what happened instead of holding it in anymore, he apologized to Fizz. They both learnt what happened.

And the kicker? It paid off! Blitz was finally vulnerable to someone, his former best friend, and Fizz forgave him. He got his dear friend back for this. Not only did he win someone he loves back, but also this came as a punch to those unhealthy beliefs, cause he was vulnerable and it didn’t turn out bad.

We have Ghostfuckers.

After being plagued by his memories, Millie came to his aid. She not only reminded him of a time he actually changed her life for the better, but also confirmed that he indeed cares for Blitz.

Then the moment of truth…

Can’t get anymore raw than the moment when his death was imminent. It’s often in times like this that we people’s raw emotions.

In a moment when even Loona was tearing up at the thought of losing Blitz. When all his friends were already mourning him, crying for him as he was about to lose his life.

And in that moment, when he was sure he was gonna die, he could finally say it…

“I love you, guys”

There was nothing to be lost. He was gonna die and the last thing he knew was that his friends were crying for him, but were safe. He could die happy.

Of course though, he didn’t, as we know. Once he was outside the court room, he was pulled in a sobbing hug by his friends and daughter that were relieved he was okay. Even further proof of being loved. Despite the horrible circumstances, it must be so healing to his heart to have that.

True, unfiltered confirmation of being loved. He is loved. The possibility of someone you love dying shakes you. Loona realized it wasn’t worth pretending anymore - life is so short, especially for low class hellborns.

And probably so did Blitz. He was finally in a happy place. His daughter loved him, his friends loved him. Stolas loved him.

He is loved.

So in the Sinsmas episode, we started seeing so much more of who he once was.

He was goofy,

Attentive,

Listening,

Supportive,

Cheerful,

Encouraging,

Patient,

He looked at potential future,

He was selfless,

Protective,

Kind,

Even romantic.

And he was happy…

That’s not to say he’s completely healed. I think you can never truly heal from something like this, especially the magnitude of what Blitz went through in his life, and his issues can resurface.

But at this point in time, he’s finally in a happy place. He was affirmed, comforted and reassured. He’s content, and that’s the most healed he can be.

His core self is finally seeing the light of day. He is more himself than he’s ever been since that day.

So that was it. I’m sorry if I was a bit messy some places; as mentioned, life is kind of a struggle. Sometimes I feel like my brain is deteriorating or something, lmao, but I wanted to put this together cause I feel like Blitz has such a good, painfully relatable (to me anyway) arc and he’s such a complex character.

My love for Fizz remains the biggest, but I couldn’t deny the love I have for Blitz. He’s just such a good character with such good development. Selfish yet selfless, careful yet careless… So many dimensions.

If you made it this far, thank you! <3

[warsofasoiaf]

Is it worth it to the EU to place sanctions on the US until they reverse course on Ukraine? The president and the congress have shown themselves to be enemies in an existential conflict with Russia, but they've also been very vulnerable to hints of market unrest

No.

Sanctions are typically used as corrective measures: turn away from bad behavior and the sanctions are lifted. It's doubtful that pressure from Europe will change Trump's mind on Ukraine - Trump conducts his foreign policy primarily on the lens of who he likes. Putting sanctions on the US would only further stoke his rage and cause him to become more pro-Russia out of spite. They'd also take place too slowly to really matter.

I'll also challenge the idea that the president is vulnerable to market unrest. He's all-in on tariffs despite their proven negative impact to the market. For Trump, this is one of his huge ideological sticking points and it goes largely to how he conceives of any bargain. Trump, if you read The Art of the Deal, believes that all bargains are zero-sum, that there's always a champ and a chump, and the goal of the negotiation is to be the champ. Don't leave money on the table, and do anything it takes to ensure maximum capitulation. To 'win' a deal means paying less than the other guy wants, and the less you pay, the greater your victory. In Trump's mind, trade allows another nation a victory over you - they get something that they want, which must mean that if they cancel the deal, then they have you vulnerable.

This is utter nonsense, of course. Trade isn't a zero-sum game, it's frequently a win-win because it allows for specializations which allows greater economic output overall. But this is one of Trump's truly consistent beliefs - he's been espousing this since the 70's. Some of his more fervent followers are even trying to rationalize it by saying stock dips mean more people will be able to enter the market. His delays, I think, are more to give his people more time to sell the tariffs and thus softball making the United States a poorer place to satisfy his ideological bent.

Thanks for the question, Anon.

SomethingLikeALawyer, Hand of the King

[champagneshoey]

can i say something?

i think daniel is afraid to go back to racing. any type of racing.

and that’s silly, of course it is, but can you blame him? when you really have been vulnerable—both in a sense where you have offered up a portion of yourself authentically to be scrutinized, criticized, sacrificed, slaughtered, and also in a way where the media and the public at-large have done nothing but put you down and shamed you, blamed you—it makes perfect sense why you wouldn’t have any desire to get back in a car.

the mental strength it takes to ignore critics—especially this sheer number of them—is immense. at some awful final point, is it worth it? is it worth the agony to continue to try and tell yourself that ‘just because someone says something or holds an opinion of you, doesn’t make it true?’

because…what if it is? what if it is true? what if i move to another racing series and simply because i don’t perform exceptionally immediately, it validates everything negative anyone has ever said about me? what if they’re right and my belief in myself only serves to make me look like a fool? is it worth it? risk-taking is in my nature, but am i willing to risk myself again and again and again and again and never get anything in return? never be rewarded with anything beyond more public disappointment? what if i never amount to anything worthy of public approval? what if they keep moving the goalpost and i waste the rest of my life in an impossible game of chase?

was it all worth it?

and the answer is yes, when you really step away and look at it from afar, from behind your guarded heart. it was worth it, of course it was all worth it. but aren’t you tired of being nice? aren’t you tired of being hurt? at what point do you draw the line between what is bearable and what will kill you?

being afraid of public opinion is irrational and unproductive. just because someone says something, it doesn’t make it true. it doesn’t negate or undo any of the work you’ve done or the effort you put in. but when does intellectualizing your emotions and denying your hurt become too much? is that worth it?

he wants to find joy in the sport that he loves, that’s why he does it. that’s why any of us should do anything—because we love to do it, because we love the act of creation, of performance, we love the experience of winning, we love the pursuit of mastery. but how can he possibly be expected to find joy and love in something that has done nothing but prove to hurt him countless times over.

he offered his heart to us on a gold platter. how many more people can he let take a bite from it before it’s gone?

[she-posts-nerdy-stuff]

Shamelessly spamming your inbox as well! Why do you think Kaz takes off his shirt in front of Inej? We know he likes to get a rise out of her (“something about the furrow between her brows was so satisfying”). Do you think he realizes he’s making her blush? Would you consider doing an analysis of your favorite parts of Kaz’s first POV in SOC and the CK bathroom scene? thank you so much!!

Hello and welcome to episode three of DK Finally Gets It Together And Answers Her Asks Because It's About Damn Time (working title)

Episode One - Episode Two

Hi, thanks so much for the ask and sorry that I've taken an eternity to get back to you, but yes absolutely let's talk!

Why does Kaz take his shirt off in front of Inej? The fact that Kaz takes his shirt off in front of Inej is kind of a strange one because it implies feeling a level of comfort around each other that neither of them are emotionally prepared to admit that they have - it's not that long ago (in fact I think it may have just been the previous chapter?) that Kaz told us "to say he trusted Inej would be stretching the point" and yet here he willingly removes his gloves and his shirt in front of her, a massive concession to his ability to be more vulnerable in front of Inej than he is anyone else. I think it's possible that, as you said, he enjoys getting a rise out of Inej however I aslo think this could be interpreted as yet another self-deprecating habit Kaz has collected around Inej to convince himself away from caring about her. I've talked a lot about the way his language separates them and famously the sarcastic delivery of "my darling Inej, treasure of my heart" to offend her even though the words represent, at least to some extent, his genuine feelings because he knows it will elicit a negative response (in this case pointedly referring to his cane and wishing him a long trip down the stairs before Inej herself slides down the bannister) and therefore he can somehow justify ignoring his feelings for Inej's because he had some kind of 'evidence' that she doesn't reciprocate. This is a damaging mentality to both of them, in Kaz with the evident self-deprecating qualities of the action and in Inej the belief that Kaz sees nothing in her except her monetary value to him (I believe the quote is something along the lines of "she was an investment no more no less" and is borne in Inej from the multiple times Kaz refers to her as such in his efforts to distance himself from her, unintentionally presently a massive and damaging misunderstanding of her trauma and the dehumanisation she went through - "bought her, and then sold her again and again"). the scene when Kaz removes his shirt in front of Inej is told from her perspective and we know she sees absolutely nothing beyond the practicalities of the moment as being any kind of vulnerability or romantically charged because she wonders what Kaz would think if she undresses and started washing herself in front of him, and comes to the conclusion "he'd probably tell me not to drip on the desk", and arguably this has a similar impact on her to the idea of being an "investment" rather than humanising terms because from her perspective he is acting exactly as he would if he were alone and with the way she's been treated and the kind of responses trauma and ptsd can cause in people this could to her feel like an extension of the dehumanisation tools that were used against her, effectively she may believe that he's willing to remove his gloves and shirt in front of her because he doesn't acknowledge himself as actually being watched by anyone - or at least not anyone of importance. Whilst this is obviously not Kaz's intention with the action I do wonder whether it's possible that it is to some extent another way of distancing himself from Inej. When Kaz removes his shirt Inej looks away from him, embarrassed, and pretends to study some of the papers on his desk. She comments that she had "lost most of her modesty at the Menagerie" but that there were still "limits". I think there's every chance that Kaz knows she will look away because she's uncomfortable with immodesty and the general vulnerability of the scene, as well as any relation she could reasonably find to her ptsd in this action, and that he is once again forcing himself to come up with this 'evidence' of her disinterest in him so he can bully himself into ignoring his feelings for her. I hope this made sense maybe it's just a rambling mess...

Also:

I have written an analysis of the CK bathroom scene so I will link that here

And when I was doing that series where I analysed my favourite quotes from each chapter I didn't get very far in because the posts took a long time to put together but I did cover chapter three (Kaz's first POV) split into a few different posts :)

Also, I'm back on my analysis nonsense right now so if y'all would like to see that series come back let me know, because I did have fun putting them together they were just also time consuming and I had a lot of other stuff to do at the time

Thanks so much for the ask! Sorry I took so long to respond, and the same to everyone else with questions in my inbox right now, but thanks for sending them in and thanks for reading this post - and don't let it put you off sending more asks if you'd like to! I am working my way through them, I promise :)

[lullabyalikpoptarot]

&team personality reading? I really want to know if they’re good people with good morals. Also what could fans do to help them grow and gain popularity? The company isn’t doing much.

Not sure I can really tell you if they are good or not from reading tarot and the energy, but I will look into what I get for their personality.

EJ- I say he can be pretty self-indulgent. Enjoys the finer things in life. Enjoys attention and the spotlight. He is confident and can be pretty talented. He was meant for this industry with this energy. I can see him being pretty confident in himself, a bit cocky not going to lie lol

Fuma He is a person that has a lot of faith in himself. Likes to take a leap of faith and take chances on things. He seems to like to gamble on things in life. He seems very sweet and may feel he is highly protected. He may need to be careful with this energy to not step into doing foolish things, because he may go into things blind without thinking things through.

K He seems confident in himself and his beliefs. He's got a strong personality. I can see him not wanting to be too emotional or vulnerable. He is a fighter and shows a lot of willpower and strength. He seems not afraid to go after what he wants.

Nicholas Oh, I like this energy. He seems like a wise and old soul. Someone with a lot of experience and knowledge about life. He seems like the type that gives people great advice. He could be a spiritual person as well. He could have good counseling skills and be a pretty good listener as well. He has a lot of wisdom within him.

Yuma He seems to be someone who likes to appear a certain way from this energy. He kind of likes to be the hero or have a strong appearance. I say he may want to appear stronger than he is. He may also like praise as well. Not sure how I feel about this energy. It seems forced.

Jo Is he religious? I get that vibe from this. Someone who puts trust in a higher power at the end of the day. He kind of just lives by that. He seems like the type that can endure a lot due to his faith that things will be okay. He knows his inner power and strength. So, whatever struggles he goes through he can get through it. There is a strength and confidence he has. It may be hard to break him.

Harua He seems like the type who can rise above it all. He seems to be about that money and chasing it. I get a sense that he likes to help others. There is a sense that he may feel like he knows better than others. It may not be out of arrogance, but like, he may feel people are on the wrong direction and may try to help them. He may want to lead others to improvement.

Taki He is a bit of a child lol Plays games and tricks on others, likes to have fun and play around, may be a bit annoying to be honest. This energy seems a bit immature not going to lie. He has a bit of a playful rebellious energy.

Maki He seems like a goal-oriented person, also chasing the money. All about making money and doing what he can to do so, can't knock that. He seems like the type that doesn't get caught up in negativity too much, can stop himself from going down a destructive path. Isn't the type to deal with bs or drama.

So, here you go, hope this helps a bit. I am not sure what to say for the other question. I would feel showing support for them in any way can help, not sure much fans can do. The company does what they want to do.