#making sure i tagged this one properly so ppl don't HAVE to see my self indulgent hypno

[rhapsoddity]

so one time instead of money payment Emmett asked spectrum to hypnotise him, cus hes never experienced it before, and spectrums happy not paying and fuckin with emmetts braincells so~

in my defense i was egged on to make this v self indulgent comic by my discord

[eclaire-went-bam]

Hi I had a few questions about the Dutch Van Der Linde NPD post :-)

I'm not trying to be rude or an asshole, I'm just genuinely confused because there seemed to be conflicting things.

You seem to agree that he has NPD but then call folk ableist for calling him a narcissist. Saying they're demonizing personality disorders.

I know and understand why demonizing NPD amongst other personality disorders is bad. But I don't understand why people calling him a Narcissist = demonizing.

Dutch is a terrible person so obviously people would point out his terrible actions along with a possible personality disorder. Because the disorder is a huge part of his character for some folk, which I'm sure it is for you.

I guess what I'm really wondering is what do you classify as ableist when it comes to discussing Dutch and his possible NPD?

The post, or I guess the way things were worded, made it hard for me to see your point.

Thank you :-)

rolling around tysm for the ask /gen!!! i did word things a bit unclear bcs a lot of my posts are catred to ppl in my own community so don't worry :)

i'm also using terminology associated w/ npd in this post so refer to tags if you don't know what something means

it's a bit complicated & i tend to over-explain so strap in !!

acknowledging he is a narcissist is fine! but the term "narcissist" very specifically refers to a mental illness & is a term very often mishandled

the problem lies here!

on one hand, people will know narcissist refers to npd specifically, but they won't care & are thus very explicitly demonising pw/npd. i've seen a great many posts (not just from this fandom!) who will call a character a narcissist, and then will proceed to prescribe that as the reason why a character is a bad person. npd is a personality disorder which yes, can often cause a lot of interpersonal conflict if not properly coped with, but it can also present in numerous other ways (eg, people-pleasing) — people who are abusive don't generally have npd and pw/npd aren't all abusive (many are actually abused themselves! if i had a dime for every article/post i've seen detailing how to make a narcissist crash, i'd be rich lmao). so automatically correlating abusive behaviour w/ having npd is very damaging to pw/npd

or,

on the other hand (this i see Most often), someone doesn't really seem to know that being narcissistic is a mental health thing and are using that word as a stand-in for a plethora of negative words — which is really easy to do given how much it's used incorrectly in a lot of anti-npd short form content (tiktok, yt shorts, etc ...). someone may use the word "narcissistic" when they're trying to describe someone who's self-centred, or rude, or aloof, or vain, or abusive, when they could use any of those other words just as easily while both being correct, and not including that underlying stigma

the vast majority of posts i've seen refer to dutch as a narcissist, are using that word in a derogatory sense to air their frustrations with the character — not as a genuine analysis, and not acknowledging the nuances of npd

it is important to note, many of these people would not call a character who is seen as a good person a narcissist, even if they may exhibit many narcissistic traits in canon, because narcissism already has a really negative stigma attached to it that they would be perpetuating. if dutch did nothing problematic in the entire series, i'd still headcanon him as narcissistic, but i get the sense that many just wouldn't because it hinges so much on the worst of his character

an egotypical may see dutch being simply careless with anyone but his own skin as he drags everyone down with him and call him a narcissist

whereas for me, i may see him desperately trying to appear as the greater-than-life man everyone talks him up to be to the point of delusion and self-sabotaging while everything is falling apart around him and call him a narcissist because yea, me too honestly !!

the first position is often tying narcissism to a shallow and overwhelming negative view of a character, because one may already have a bias that narcissism = living your best life as your family falls apart or something

so imagine like ;;; an allistic seeing a blunt character that is often viewed in fandom as autistic, and calling them autistic because of the outward bluntness — especially if they view bluntness as a bad thing. this view may perpetuate stereotypes about autism while also not really offering any nuanced look at the character. that, vs an autistic person seeing the same character and maybe relating to how confusing that social interaction was, and how awkward it must must've been for the character realising they did x y and z "wrong."

using the same example, there could be a character in media that's considered extremely blunt and mean to others, who's implied to be autistic. it's fine to not like said character, lord knows i'm thinking of a Few i hate, and being autistic doesn't excuse people from being mean to others, but to insult a character for being blunt because of their autism is pretty ableist! just like how having npd doesn't excuse any characters abuse, and someone can not like their vanity, but it'd be kind of ableist to insult a character for being vain because of their narcissism

or just like how an autistic character may unintentionally be mean to somebody due to misunderstanding social cues/being overstimulated/etc and will thus be percieved as cold and unkindly, a narcissistic person may percieve small criticisms as really pointed attacks that can cause crashes, which can cause us to become defensive & be percieved as childish or uncooperative (here's a good post that talks abt how certain problems may appear from a narcs pov, for example). these are just little things that oftentimes people who don't have said condition may not understand, which can contribute to a really flat reading of a character based on More Stereotypes

of course, you don't have to have a specified neurotype or mental disorder to headcanon someone with something (though i definitely recommend the Nuance ahaha), but i get the sense that when ppl use "narcissistic" with dutch, it's less of a respectful headcanon that acknowledges the disorder & how distressing it can be to not only others around him, but him as well, and more as a jab coming from the users own personal experiences from people they didn't like, or as a way to explain specifically just his abusive behaviour & nothing else (which is already a yikes cus that implies someone's automatic association with abuse is people of a very specific stigmatised neurotype). and i mean hey, dutch does deserve. Like. Multiple Jabs. (understatement). but it shouldn't be at the expense of people who actually exist irl who struggle w/npd

no i do not excuse dutch's problematic/abusive behaviour, i literally physically recoil from my screen whenever i see him do literally anything, and it's pretty evident that untreated Issues™ definitely contributed to him going batshit (especially considering as far as every account i've seen go, he was pretty damn Decent in terms of 1800's outlaws prior to blackwater), but i can definitely say that i do rlly relate with some overarching themes with him & can often pretty much hear what he's thinking sometimes without necessarily thinking something he did was okay. & again, there are sooo many words in the english lexicon, people can definitely choose words that aren't specifically related to conditions when talking abt what they don't like about him

so many other headcanons, whether it be regarding race, gender, sexuality, neurodiversity, etc, are treated with a lotta respect on this website! you'll hardly ever find someone seriously insulting a character's headcanoned autism, or gender identity, or anxiety, with such genuine vitriol. i've seen people also headcanon dutch with major depression or bipolar, but i've seen nobody use either terms to insult him — because we all know that's insensitive. so why should npd be any different?

so yeah i hope this made it clear, i don't think its wrong or ableist at all to to have discussions about how a potential personality disorder could've affected his thinking or decisions, but a lot of the posts i've seen have been less about discussion and more of just finding ways to express their hatred of dutch. which ;; i'm sure you can imagine how tiring it gets to see these kinda posts which demonise something you are, in a community for a game you really enjoy, and just have everyone in the comments/tags kinda nod their head. nnnot fun to always catch strays ^^;

anyways that's my spiel tysm for the ask i really like to Yap™

[deblklesb]

CAN U PLSS WRITE MORE CAMGIRL or (pornstar 😜) ABBY AND READER IM BEGGING PLSSS

NO CUS i was actually (🤓☝🏾) planning to write a full oneshot about them BUT i guess I'll just throw stuff here and see where i get 🚶🏾‍♀️

(a/n: i'm writing this for like 3 hours now and this turned out to be a full oneshot i guess..... tell me if y'all want me to continue/post more of this au!! I'll tag "au camgirl!abby x camgirl!reader on both parts so y'all can find it)

[(MDNI), fluff, casual hanging out, descriptions of a explicit video, some sexual content later]

reblogs are highly appreciated!

After the first collaboration, the side of the internet that knew you both was set on fire. Your inbox was overflowing and you did the usual: stepped back a little until the notifications slowed down and you could answer messages or look over them to say stuff in the next casual livestream you did every two weeks.

But here is the thing: you couldn't get Abby out of your head. And you understood it wasn't like the other collaborations you did before, because later that day she actually texted you and on top of that you felt a different glee inside.

Abby: my inbox is so full I'll probably never be able to se all the messages

You: tell me about it! same here

Abby: i was actually stretching a little. think you marked by back forever with your nails (and they're not long)

You: sorry 😅

You: but hey... that's good, ppl will know how good you fucked me

Abby: i think ppl have a lil more than some scratches on my back to realize that

Abby: and i sure have those, a video, and some good sweet memories to get off

Maybe you'd become good friends, you thought. Abby was actually a very nice woman, funny and good to be around. You hoped you could keep in touch.

・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・

"Oh my fucking God, Abby", you moaned with a sigh, eyes closed to properly enjoy that delicious sensation filling your body right now.

The way your body was feeling warm and almost too self-conscious about the things around.

All due to the tasteful hot chocolate making you almost alive again.

"Guess I can make you moan in other ways then", she smirked, getting a punch in the arm next. "Getting too bold for my taste", the blonde sat next to you on the bed, pulling the duvet to cover you both.

The rainy day was perfect to watch some movies and hang out lazily on the bed, and Abby immediately accepted your invitation. After a week or so just texting, you felt like you both could do some hanging out, right? (It had absolutely nothing to do with you craving being with her again)

"Oh right, why don't you come and put me in my place?", you chuckled, finally setting the TV.

"Honestly today it's too cold, let's watch the movie and see what happens later"

You hummed, two hands on the mug enjoying the heat spreading through your palms.

Abby was one of the most chill persons you'd known, and the moment was heartwarming and comfortable. After finishing the hot chocolates, you put the mugs on the side table. Then you widen your eyes with the feeling of a strong arm wrapping your waist, a strong body closer to yours as your face, for whatever reason, heats up.

"Is this okay?", her voice sounds good against your flesh, face resting on your chest. Abby is snuggling you and it feels good. Too good.

"Yeah, totally", you put your arm around her shoulders.

During the whole movie you keep caressing her hair and arm, trying to ignore the subtle turnings of your stomach - not literally, but that type of turns that goes up to your chest. Telling yourself it was probably the hot drink, and not the way her thumb kept making invisible patterns on your waist, or the strong muscles against yours and the domestic aurea of it all.

That night, after Abby left, you actually got off on the thought of her fucking you. But it wasn't memories that filled your mind or the vision of one of her videos. No, it was imagination. You'd imagine her getting home and kissing you, fucking you on the dinner table, saying how much she missed you and looking too needy for your touches against her while she makes you cum.

Maybe, just maybe, things were going another route.

・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・

@/AAndrsnStuff • thinking about her (@/nsfwmenace)

You keep looking at the video playing on your screen and trying to rationalize the fact that you were tagged. She was actually talking about you.

In said midia, Abby was... Using her strap. And you knew that she was probably using the textured gadget that would rub against her pussy, on the base. On the bed, positioned in the direction of the strap, was a console in the shape of a vagina, and she was thrusting into it.

She was fucking a toy thinking about you. Hard and steady, making use of her athletic shape, hips moving in a way that made your legs clench together. Her breasts moved with the impact, an arm holding the console on place as the other rested on the headboard.

Her moans were so delicious to hear even on the phones, but were better when you remembered how they felt in person. Her breath was choppy and you just wanted to be there, under her, to pull her close and feel her all around you.

Inside your panties your core clenched around nothing. Your fingertips itched to touch her.

Before the end of the video, Abby stopped fucking the toy and loosen up the harness, strap falling on the bed before she starts rubbing her clit fast and needy. Her moans increase as she puts the other hand being her on the bed, sustaining the weight of her torso tilted back. And by the way she almost screams, her legs tremble and her abdomen contracts, you just know Abby was coming hard.

She was coming thinking about you.

"Fuck", you mumble, heartbeat fast and face warm.

Before leaving the app you look at a comment briefly.

wAIT wdym "thinking of her", you didn't use a strap on the collab video.......

That person was right, you didn't. There was no strap on the video posted by you both. But there was one when you both fucked a couple of weeks after.

And you keep thinking about that when you impulsively call her. And when you say "come here. The door will be open", before even letting her speak anything.

When Abby gets in your apartment, locking the door behind her, she immediately notices the light coming from your bedroom. She happily takes off the shoes and it's ready to, smirking, ask you how did you like the surprise. But she's caught off guard by a strangled moan, your moan, and the sound goes straight to her cunt.

If only you knew how she was going insane thinking about you. Looking at the nudes you shared and remembering how hot you felt around her fingers, her tongue, on top of her while riding her thigh, underneath her when taking her cock. You were so fucking warm and she was freezing away from you, hypnotized like a moth by the flame.

"Abby", and your voice, oh, your voice.

She woke up in the middle of the night, before recording that video, because she had the most vivid dream. You were next to her on bed, and somehow she just knew it was your shared bed, masturbating and calling for her. So fucking needy, looking gorgeous, and the way you called for her made her whole body shake. In the dream she had to keep looking and listening to you, admiring your features as you used a hand to massage you core.

But now she didn't had to lay down and wait. She could touch you in the better ways, and opening the door to reveal your figure humping a pillow and playing with your own nipples, Abby felt a deep desire burning inside. Something more than just attraction and need. The same thing she felt when, in the dream, something told her that bed belonged to the both of you.

Gulping, Abby sighed and remembered how good it felt to be with you watching movies. Simply hanging out and realizing she really enjoyed your company. She came to think, for some time, that your friendship would be so good... But after that dream something shifted, and seeing you in that moment started to solidify this change.

[real-life-cloud]

Hey uhh I vaguely remember reading in your tags somewhere some time maybe long ago that you were homeschooled, do you mind me asking just generally what that was like? Don‘t share if you don‘t want to

Y'know what, sure! I like telling stories and oversharing on the internet tbh. Strap in lol it got long.

Tldr; homeschooling was isolating, it definitely set me back socially. The self paced nature of the work put way too much pressure on me, and now I have terrible choice paralysis and rarely finish a project I start. If you or someone you know is considering homeschooling someone, make sure they know what they're getting into.

A lot of homeschooled kids were put into that kind of schooling because their parents want to monitor them. That's not healthy. I'm sure that's not how it is every time and that there's applications of homeschooling that work for people, but it needs to be done well. Kids need to be properly socialized, supported, and given the privacy they need.

Some background info on why I left public: There was an incident where a teacher yelled at me for no good reason in front of the entire student body during lunch. (I was holding a piece of paper (THAT ANOTHER TEACHER GAVE ME FOR HIM TO SIGN) in the lunchroom which wasn't allowed??) I was EXTREMELY embarrassed and anxious around that teacher from then on. I got moved to a different class so I didn't have to be near him. The guidance counselor was really helpful during the whole thing.

OKAY storytime 📖

"Homeschooling" can mean a couple different things , I did it two different ways at points in my life. I feel like the first thing ppl think of is being taught at home by a tutor or parent, but I wasn't homeschooled in this way. And I was in public school until about 7th grade actually!

However, my mom was super mad, and wanted to talk to the man that yelled at me, but the principal wouldn't let her. They kept giving excuses as to why but the jist was: the guy was an asshole and they knew it. SO mom got fed up with the staff and just pulled me out of public school altogether. It was actually my idea! The thought of seeing that teacher again was so upsetting that I just wanted to leave.

[ I feel like I should also mention that I grew up religious and that it was super common for kids to be homeschooled in my church; you were looked up to for homeschooling your kid bc it "kept them away from bad association" and "gave them more time to devote to god." So my mom didn't really fight me on the suggestion. ]

First, I did cyber school! I was in cyber school from 7th - 10th ish. I was given a laptop that blocked anything fun (but not well, so I zipped right past all the blocks lol) and had online classes. It was similar to how I think school worked during covid? No cameras yet tho, just a teacher on VC with power point slides and a chatroom for students. I was a pretty good student up until this point, but I started barely scraping by a lot of classes and failing others. I think I retook pre algebra 3 times? I passed with a very low D 🫶

And SOME classes were self paced. Those were the Fucking Worst. No teacher, not really. I could technically email a teacher with questions but I was a horribly anxious little 14 yr old so no way was I gonna do that. I remember one year I had a civics class that was self paced and I was so lost and stressed about it that I procrastinated til the entire course had like a week til it was due. And it wasn't just tests, I had to make multiple power points on different topics throughout the course. I had a complete emotional breakdown in front of my mom cause I'd been hiding this from her. I was so afraid she'd be mad, but she helped me finish everything on time. She basically did like half of it for me, bless her. God I hated that class.

So at this point school is going. Kind of really bad. My grades suck and half the time I cheat. I don't really have friends because all I do is sit on my laptop and go to church with my family. I didn't have any contact with my old school friends because they weren't a part of my religion. (Jehovah's Witnesses are super exclusive and cult-y) And teenage me has just realized they're not straight!

Like many isolated, repressed, gay teenagers, I mainly expressed myself online. But a few months after I turned 16, my parents found my secret email account that was connected to all my private social media. It was very apparent I was gay. So I outed myself by accident. They pretty much took away all my access to the internet and started paying super close attention to the media I consumed. I'm just glad they didn't go to our church elders and tell on me for my sins or whatever. Life continued as "normal" with them just. Pretending it didn't happen and hoping and praying that I'd magically turn straight. I actually recently found out that my parents NEVER talked about my sexuality with each other during this stage. They just completely avoided the topic.

[ another note, my entire immediate family is actually out of that religion now, and everybody's cool with the gay thing 🫶 my dad actually told me that my coming out is what made him question some things with our religion. ]

But then it became a question of what I was supposed to do for school. I couldn't be on the Websites That Turn You Gay, but I was also doing bad in school and would be put behind a grade or two. Not to mention I was terribly anxious and hadn't really socialized with people my age for the past 3 or so years.

That's how I started correspondence schooling! Another kind of home schooling. It's exactly what it sounds like. The school sends you books and tests, then you mail back the finished papers to be graded. And you might be thinking, Cloudy didn't you just go over how much you hated the self paced classes in cyber? This sounds just like that but worse! And I would say why yes, anon, I did! Such a good memory!! Gold star for you ⭐

This schooling didn't go great, as you could imagine... I think I finished two classes? This didn't have any time limit, however. So why on earth would I feel any pressure to do anything? Overall it was a giant waste of money. I just kept not doing it! Then life got super crazy, I won't go into detail but it was a rollercoaster of family drama, my mental health being at the worst it ever was, and leaving that religion. And then covid!!!! Everything happens so much 😞

I was so far from my diploma that I gave up on finishing my classes and started focusing on getting my GED. This took me another 2 years lol. I finally got it last summer!! I also landed a new job in the spring after being unemployed for a little over a year. And I just got my driver's license last week! It's taken me a longgggg time but my life is on the roll again. This is probably more than you were asking about but yeah.

[heffrondriving]

I'm sorry if this is a little assholely but after seeing your vent post I went looking for where you said to not tag names and the only place I saw it was at the end of your very long tags,, so assuming i didnt miss another more obvious place...? Have you thought of just putting that in the post itself? Because anyone who's seeing it second hand (as in seeing it after someone else rebloged it) won't see that tag + not everyone reads tags, you know :( sorry that it makes you uncomfortable but if you put it somewhere more visible, like in the body of the post, then at least people def will see it. Sending love either way 💕

nahhh nothing to be sorry for issall totally cool and encouraged and you are very kind,, tbh i was lowkey waiting around for something like this and i'm kinda glad for it and also surprised it's not at least fifty times worse??? in all honesty i think i am in dire need and deserving of the hardest dose of criticism at this point for all the stupid messy personal posts i make on a sleep-deprived whim, as i am fully aware that this is not the place for it, and i am and should never be exempt from getting my necessary comeuppance should it arise. and like i said, this quandary was completely of my own fault. i have made my stance on personal comfort posts clear numerous times before and only put them in subtler places like the end of my annoying-ass rambly tags because i really don't wanna bother people with something that sounds so trivially inconsequential, and it makes me incredibly anxious to add them in the post itself (as i reckon it just outright ruins the whole content and that's such a selfish and gross thing for me to do personally,, like who tf am i to ask anything of anyone ech :-/). but this is still my sole responsibility to properly handle and conduct myself online, and i'm so sorry if i came across like i'm attempting to pass the blame for my own self-implicated neglect, as no one else should be subject to dealing with my mistakes. (like no joke i screamed aloud when i read that you looked through my posts or tags??? PLS LICHRALLY NEVER DO THAT EVER THAT'S A VV BAD IDEA ACTUAL ONLINE EQUIVALENT OF DUMPSTER DIVING VIBES EXCEPT THE DUMPSTER'S ON FIRE AND CAUSES MAJOR BRAINROTOFFISITIS!!!!! (;´༎ຶД༎ຶ`))

i've had a well-needed rest hrk composed myself, deleted my prev post (i'm also thinking of removing the post that spurred it just to be sure, t'was super terrible anyway lmao), and muted my notifs for the time being, so please do feel free to tag anything however you wish at this point—i know i'm making an absolute fool out of myself for this full 180 departure (just in time for april 1st tho so swings and roundabouts-) but yeah that's completely fine idk, and if my walnut brain has anything otherwise to say abt it they will be catching These Hands according to the Fists Of Fury Code!!!!! ᕦ(ò皿óᕦ) but in all seriousness, emotional dysregulation is the absolute worst but i understand that maybe i can't really set boundaries for something fully well out of my control, so i just give up the ghost on this bc what else is there to do. c'est la vie if it sucks for me, tough shit @ self tough it out bebs u asked for this :^) though i hopefully can, however, keep everything else out of sight and out of mind so that i don't have to deal with the self-imposed repercussions by willingly setting my triggers off and lashing out incessantly. like mmm that's toxic shit girlie no one wants that here bls get u some therapy pare *whaps myself with an abaniko fan*. it's 100% on me if i choose to expand the tags on my notifs, and what happens in other ppl's blogs should be none of my fucking business and i'm just a super nosy lurker goblin sometimes ig exhibit a: this is what being a chronic cave hermit does to the human psyche. irreversible damage u.......*steven he voice* EMOTIONAL DAMAGE!!!!! my sincerest apologies again for all the trouble and i really hope this answer doesn't come off as too sardonic or acerbic or anything of the sort, i know i goof a lot but i really do mean all of it, even if trying to convey appropriate tone indication in text form is so whack 😩

also i'm really sorry for this mf ten-volume novel series of an answer (i really hope no one's insane enough to actually read this....whatever the hell this is .-.). thank you so much for your patience and understanding, and please keep the love and give it to another funky cool blog who's worthy of it and not deserving of getting squished like a pestilent vermin under your steel-toed bootheel!! /lh ~(இ௰இ~) anywayyy let's ignore (slash unfollow hardblock permanent dni etc. etc....very good ideas, those, bc if i could block myself i would without hesitation smh get this chernobyl elephant's foot outta my feed) this and my other inane bullshittery and let bygones be bygones and go back to our silly manband content, shall we??? this blog is for no-braincell shits and pure dumbassery first and foremost i promise......also i have more poorly-made sh!tposts and kendall's pretty grampa face stuff which i wanna plague the btr tag with if that's still allowed pls ¯\_( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)_/¯

(^^^ i can't believe i actually got to use this gif for something sdjsfjksd)

[add-the-account-yourcosmicguide]

5:27PM 09/15/2021

🌺🍃 So, I've been having mad anxiety; full blown panic attacks and everything 🙃😐and my depression 😒 it's bad, pretty bad. So bad that I spent this past week in bed every day all day and ight I'm in bed just sleepy, exhausted! 😴🛌💤

🌙🌾 🎃⚡🍂🍃🍁🌟🌻🌟🍁🍃🍂🍂🍃

Ever since New Moon

🌟I have been slacking big time !! !

🌺🍃Well, it's all started when I couldn't upload more than one photo at a time on Instagram and then I just quit Instagram altogether. Which I had been started up this Tumblr account and started a couple Tarot games on here and divination services🌙🔮🎉 but that hasn't been keeping me that happy either which it usually keeps me going and keeps me out of trouble and keeps me occupied and helps me to feel productive and like a normal citizen or whatever you want to call it I don't know what it makes me feel whole I guess I'm not really sure but it gives me the sense of being connected to the world. 🌎

🌺🍃 I've made quite a few pick a card Tarot readings; I mean for ME, that's actually, with everything I'm going through.

🌺🍃 I'm not able to really do Tarot full time because of my depression and due to health reasons my chronic illness. My cancer always gets in the way. I'm not going to say much on it because I don't want to put a damper on your day because I know how depressing cancer can be too everyone.❣🎗🧿🎱

🌺🍃 I've written a small piece of poetry ✨💕it's nothing to flex just a bullshit mood put on paper 😌 I call it Moody Confusion.

Poem: MOODY 😕CONFUSION

Written By: F.R.

❣🌻💙🧿❣🎗❣🧿💙🌻❣

MOODY BLUES IN MY BED

MOODY CONFUSION IN MY HEAD

Feel IT IN My CHEST

Heart DROPS

Beat Rocks

HE S LOST

CANT STOP THESE THOUGHTS

I COULDNT BELIEVE IT

I still Can't Believe It

RUN AWAY , BUT WERE RUNNING IN CIRCLES

WHERE TO RUN

WALK IT OFF

NOW IM IN BED

FUZZY DRAMA IN MY HEAD

LOSING MY GRIP

LETTIG THIS SLIP

MOODY CONFUSION IN MY HEAD

Moody Blues in my bed

MOODY CONFUSION GETS THE BEST

Of me

MOODY CONFUSION

LOST THE REST OF ME

🌺🍃 I did turn to divination as a method to help solve my little problem too; I did an Oracle Reading and I feel it's fairly accurate. 😅 I'm sort of relieved that I didn't pull out Oracle deck for nothing and cleanse it with brand new "Tangerine Cream" incents... they smell oh so Divine!! !

🌺🍃For my Oracle Reading I simply had one thing on my mind: my anxiety and depression 🙃🙂 I wanted to know why I feel this way and what can I do to fix it.

🌈Q::WHATS THE TRUE SOURCE OF MY DEPRESSION AND PANIC ATTACKS?

A: Father Sky- Trust in the Unknown, Earth Element- Stability, Leadership

🌈Q: HOW CAN I GET OVER THIS ?

A: Libra- Balance, 12- Change, Look at the Bigger Picture

🌈Q: What magick should I concentrate on in my mystic craft? Spells I should work on now that woukd boost my self esteem and get me out of this depression and rid me of my anxiety ?

A: 7-Jupiter-Abundance, Middle World, Appreciation, Roots, Meditation Protected: You are safe and Supported While you Change Your Career.

🌺🍃⚡ So, I'm going to very very briefly summarize this up; in case I need to read this again later! This is a personal entry in my blog ... it will be listed under the tag #YourCosmicGuide #PersonalPost #CosmicGuideSays ( all one word except personal post ) . You will just have to bear with mg tagging system to look and search my blog for the posts you desire to see. Because I'm new to this experience here and I'm unsure of how to create links properly like I have seen many ppl use !? Anybody want to give me some guidance on this 🙏🙏???? I'd be ever so grateful.

⚡So let's discuss the above Oracle Cards that I pulled ..

🍀🍃So, basically I see that my anxiety and depression has a root cause and it's my lack of stability and there are issues with myself assuming leadership roles. This could stem from the fact that I do not have as close of a relationship with God/Creator/The Universe as much as I use to in the past ... I used to have a more balanced Spiritual life N I seemed to make time for more religious studies and communication with Spirit; just more of a connection to the other side , even my SpiritGuide, Elm . I've been slacking in my meditation and could use some empowering , uplifting , guided meditation tapes 🙏 I should also be manifesting abundance 🙌 I could do a Spell for abundance even add in prosperity since I just happen to have orange peels 🍊🟧📙 and I've been making my digital grimoire ! Oh yes there's a reason I've been depressed! Because I lost it my hard copy Grimoire or someone stole it. Then someone stole my old tablet my Samsung galaxy tab A , this new ones an A7 . it's not as good.

🎃🌾🌙 I should take my picture of my white pumpkin from the grocery store. I'm impressed with it. I'm shocked that me and Kyle picked the same one out too !!

🌟🍂 I did edit this just a bit . Hope yall enjoy 😉 it. I work hard!!? Actually yah I do. Really it probly takes me on average so much longer than ost ppl doing just a regular upload like this .. and I'm still not done explaining my reading but I'm sure you get the jyst of it.its pretty self explanatory.

🌺🍃So I'm hearing from this reading that I need to gain courage in order to move on and basically I need to communicate with Spirit and the universe my higher self and also God completely need to let go of my need to control things and let go and let God. I need to give off these ideas of perfection and I need to just move on the best I can with what I have left because I will have nothing at all if I don't just pick up here and at least pick up the pieces and move on. There's not much more I can do other than that so I'm going to have a lot of healing to go from here. I'm going to have to do a lot of self-care work and I'll have to put a note to self that I'm going to be doing more Shadow work also so that's October coming and working on working with spirit channeling guidance from the other side.

[catboy-dysphoria]

Rarely do I ever see posts for sex workers outside of the blogosphere of sex work blogs, that aren't thinly-veiled judgments, or vague affirmations written by someone who has never participated in sex work, so as a former FSSW/cam worker, I'm sending out some reminders to current sex workers, as well as anyone interested in starting <3 Below the cut bc it gets kinda long, and bc I can't properly tag without getting smacked by Tumblr.

Feel free to add if you have experience.

Learn to do your own taxes as a self-employed person (if applicable)

Learn to spot signs of a scam (connecting with other sex workers is harder than it used to be, but can be very helpful for this!)

Find a place to get tested regularly that you trust. LGBTQ centers often offer free testing, even if you are not LGBTQ yourself. Most also are sex-worker-friendly, in my experience. Be honest about what sex acts you're participating in.

Bring your own protection and lubricant, and make sure they're compatible.

Learn how to practice sex safely. This goes beyond Health Class 101. This includes learning how to clean your toys, how to use lubricant and signs you need to re-apply, how to acquire and use PrEP/PEP (which I recommend for everyone, if you're able to get it and have sex with multiple partners. There's a number of resources out there for aquiring low/no cost PrEP) contraceptive use (beyond just condoms!) and more.

Search yourself (both your alias(es) and real name) regularly. Try to send takedown notices for stolen content. You may even be able to pursue legal action. If you don't want your sex work alias connected to your real identity, this can also help you keep tabs on that. Reverse image search on some of your pictures every so often (but keep in mind RIS works...less well for pictures of naked ppl)

You don't need to be your full, authentic self for clients. This seems obvious (or should,) but also remember that you are not betraying your identity/community if you choose to closet yourself to clients, use buzzwords that may be offensive for better search results, etc.

Money 💰 first 💰 always 💰. Especially for FSSW. Negotiate any additional fees beforehand.

Re:money, be careful what apps you use, if any, and what information is tied to them. Learn about how much cash you can deposit at once into your bank account, and stay far enough below that number so as not to arouse suspicion from your bank. Sex workers are the best friend of a new money service and the worst enemy of an established one. Have backups. Established/long-time sex workers will remember what happened to Venmo, Cashapp, etc.

It can be easier to lower your prices than raise them (often, but not always.) I liked to have a range that I kept to myself, so I can offer cheaper rates to people I liked, and more expensive rates to people I didn't. Don't undersell yourself. This is SO much harder now with OF etc being in the mainstream and cheaper than before, but remember that you are the only one who can offer your specific body and services. Don't sell yourself short.

Remember that as a gig worker, your money will not be consistent. You may hit a strong cash flow at some point in your career, don't bank on it always being as strong. If possible, have enough saved for at least 1-2 months of crickets.

Be nice, be friendly, but don't be a doormat. If you're new to in-person sex work, practice ways to say no politely but firmly. There are people who know that you have fewer resources to report them for bad behavior.

^ Related, take safety measures. Learn what self-defense tools are legal for you to carry in your state/city/country, and how to use them. Pepper spray requires a firearm license in some states, and the last thing you want in a worst-case scenario is to be hit with a charge for defending yourself. Learn some form of weaponless self-defense, ideally more than one.

Additionally, have a way to check in with a safety person/trusted friend. I used to use Kitestring, but it looks like that's being shut down. Asking a friend to send you a text 5-10 minutes past when you think you should be done, and telling them what you want them to do if you don't respond would be a good alternative, as well as telling them where you're going and who you'll be with.

Learn the laws in your area, as specifically as possible. Take advantage of loopholes. Have a cover story. This applies extra the more marginalized identities you hold.

Have a cover story for friends/family you don't want to know about your work. This can be as specific or vague as you feel comfortable, but make sure it's consistent.

At least one person you know will find out, almost guaranteed, especially in the age of the internet/for internet-based work. Be prepared.

Remember to sometimes have sex for your own fun, if you want to. It can be nice to not have to focus as strongly on a partner as a client, or associate sex purely with a transaction.

Know your limits/boundaries. I advise not having any "first times" with a client unless you have an established relationship. If a client suggests something that you've never done before, I advise practicing with a trusted friend/partner before doing it professionally. If you don't want to be contacted on short notice or during certain times, be upfront.

Risk reduction! It's a huge topic. Many of the things we do are not free of risk. Learn how to practice things safely, whether that includes substances, kinks (especially kinks including impact play and bondage,) etc.

Have a plan for the future. Have more than one. Maybe that includes shifting genres (if that's the case, know at some point you'll need to shift from focusing on the loyalty of clients to getting new ones,) making more niche content, or getting a "vanilla" job. A lot of sex work (but not all!) depends on staying pretty, and people don't stay pretty forever. If your line of work is illegal or grey-legal, it may involve switching to a more protected line of sex work, like working in a dungeon, or a line of work that is adjacent, like some non-profit work. To reiterate from a few points ago, a good safety net is making sure you have enough savings to keep yourself afloat for at least a few months.

SW is in a weird position of being something many people want, but also something many people (including the former!) don't want to respect. Something endless participate in to different degrees, but something still not protected by the law in most places. Highly desired and largely shunned. Sending all SWers of all varieties lots of love and support.

[silver-wield]

Okay, as requested a few days ago, a Cloud and Aerith analysis. I feel like I've spent a lot of time in chapter 8/9 today lol 

Ok, spoiler warning for ppl who haven’t played – do I still need to do this? Eh ok, (I tag FF7R spoilers as final fantasy 7 remake spoilers) and it’s gonna be reasonably long.

Also, this is one person’s interpretation of the scene, so if you disagree that’s cool and we’ll agree to disagree.

You’re also gonna have to excuse the janky quality on some of the screens, I’m grabbing them from Youtube and it’s frustrating af trying to get the exact moment I want.

Other analyses if anyone’s interested.

Shinra HQ vision scene (Cloti/plot analysis) 

Chapter 3 (Cloti reblog) 

Tifa character analysis 

Aerith Resolution (plot analysis/theory – I should probably update this since I’ve had other ideas since then) 

Train graveyard (not really an analysis, but I got some sweet screenshots of Cloti) 

Clotiscrew tunnel analysis 

Cloti reunion analysis 

The Promise Analysis 

Andrea’s approval (Cloti ask response) 

Leslie analysis (not mine, but a good read) 

Cloti action touching 

Aerti friendship analysis 

Cloti body language chapter 3 

Cloti healthy disagreement 

Cloti post heliboss battle (chapter 15) 

Clerith playground scene 

Cloti body language plate fall 

Cloud and Barret friendship 

Resolution scene analysis (A) 

Barret character analysis (chapter 13) 

Cloud character analysis (Honey Bee Inn) 

Cloud character analysis (Barret's death) 

Now, strap in and enjoy the ride.

Recap time!

Okay, our delightful heroine (I will rein in the sarcasm, but Aerith aggs me when Cloud says no and she ignores him. No means no.) and our moody af hero have finally got done with the flowery side quests, kiddos, Rude and the giant hands of crash crash boom oops there's an invisible wall there minigame trip through sector 6 to reach sector 7.

Aerith says “let's take a break.”

Cloud says, “No.”

They take a break anyway.

(I've already done the slide analysis, link above)

Back down from the slide and it's time to go. Aerith opens up the underground link into sector 7 and we're venturing into awkward goodbyes.

So, we're starting with Aerith being chipper and cute with the quips. Standard stuff. It's possible she's feeling regretful they're parting, but I've said plenty of times that of everyone in this, Aerith has the best poker face. There's very few times she lets that mask slip and lets us see what she's really feeling and it's usually in times of intense stress. This isn't stressful, although she was feeling down a few moments ago while talking about Zack, so maybe that'll make her a little easier to read. For now, though, she's fronting like a boss.

Hmm interesting. He's definitely thoughtful here. So, I'm gonna have to put together some possibilities.

He's clearly mellowed his attitude towards her – he was proper stroppy at her house the day before, shouting and so on – so this isn't negative. We could say he started feeling more positive towards her through their interactions over the day or maybe when he saw the whole Rude bit and realised she's not quite what he first thought. Or it might have been when he saw her looking downcast about not high fiving or it could've been their chat on the slide that finally thawed him out towards her.

And Aerith's the same. Her smile falters just a bit and she can't meet his eye. Maybe she knows they have no reason to meet again or that her mother told him not to see her. We don't know for sure, but it's possible, otherwise why is she disappointed? She could expect to see him again. They could make plans. It could be meta!Aerith knowing that Cloud is probably better off not getting to know her.

Eugh dammit. Does anyone know how hard it is to analyse people's motives when you can't see their faces clearly? I bet this was on purpose, thanks Square.

I mean, having to go by the above data I've mentioned, they could both be feeling the same lingering regret intuitively. You know like how you just get the sense how someone's feeling? That.

Their poses are identical, and coupled with the slightly awkward intonation on “so” I'd look at this and say this comes across like a couple of teenagers who kinda like each other and don't know how to take the next step. You know, that kind of immature I have no idea what I'm doing with my life kinda deal. That's not to say it's romantic, especially not from Cloud. He's an awkward introvert. Aerith has no social skills. They're not friends and up until five minutes ago Cloud was annoyed af at her. That'd make for an awkward goodbye.

Aerith laughs, Cloud doesn't, and she moves aside so he can leave. Looks like the moment’s over.

Before going, Cloud turns back to ask if Aerith can get home ok. This looks like polite concern, which I'd expect considering they just came through an area full of monsters, mech and bandits. If Cloud wasn't concerned, I'd call him a douchebag. His eyes widen a little as he speaks, but it's not that same kind of expression he pulls whenever we're suspecting a visit from real!Cloud. This is SOLDIER!Cloud asking. 

(I've said that typically Cloud's eyes go very wide as a hint that his real self is reacting to things, but widening eyes on their own do not indicate real!Cloud. It's something about the way he does it that shows it's not quite right for the SOLDIER persona we usually see. I can't explain it properly, but it's likely something the devs have done to his microexpressions on purpose to differentiate between the two and without knowing exactly what I can't put a pin in it. All I can say is when it looks like real!Cloud is expressing himself and when it isn't because there’s a difference that I’ve picked up on.)

This is flirting. Plain and simple. Head tilted, little smile, crinkling eyes. She's amused and teasing him in a flirtatious manner and her dialogue backs that up, although at the same time the tone she puts it in also sounds quite matter of fact, like she's genuinely asking what if she wasn't ok? That likely does appeal to the protective SOLDIER side of Cloud. He wants to be known as the hero. Still not romantic.

That's what I like to call a shit-fuck-bollocks moment. The realisation he should take her back home and make sure she's safe, but then he's also got to get back to sector 7, and this is all SOLDIER!Cloud's debate. There's no sign of real!Cloud and there's a quick decisive result that he should do the right thing, which is why he says he’ll take her home.

This is nothing like in the honey bee inn later when you see the clear back and forth of his eyes darting around as he argues with real!Cloud about dancing to get Andrea's approval.

And Aerith laughs again because I think she's aware how ridiculous it is that he'll walk her back when he needs to get home. She was teasing the entire time, but it looks like it went over Cloud's head – colour me unsurprised.

I mean, there's no romantic undertone to her expression here. It's genuine amusement and I'd definitely say friendship towards Cloud.

Ah the image that certain people hang their hat on. Let's get this one done.

Aerith says she has a backup route for emergencies that's safer than the one they used. You can hear Cloud start to speak—- ask a question because the sound is a “W” -- then cuts himself off and smiles. That smile is a mix of bemused and amused. 

For anyone who doesn't have a stupidly large vocabulary and thinks those two are the same thing:

Bemused

adjective: puzzled, confused, or bewildered.

Amused

adjective: finding something funny or entertaining.

Cloud's bemused because back at the start of the collapsed expressway he literally asked if there was a better way and she avoided answering. So, he's caught her in a lie and what can he do about it? Nothing. That's why he's all "of course there's a safer route".

And then we're back in control and moving onto the next part of the game.

Conclusion:

Well, they're awkward. Both of them. Cloud is an introvert with mental issues and Aerith has no social skills and a terrible personality flaw in which she bosses everyone around and doesn't listen.

I wouldn't say they're friends, more like comrades. Cloud's still very resistant to her company even after she helps him save Tifa.

[pupchanyeol]

I was tagged by @yeolville thank you so much 🥰💕

Rules: to answer these following questions and tag 5 friends

1. Flowers or chocolates? 🍫

2. Between day and night I prefer: day i think

3. My favorite drink: water and iced tea

4. Between sunrise and sunset I prefer: Sunrise

5. Between dogs and cats, I prefer: dogs!!

6. The vegetable I hate the most: cabbage 🤢

7. My favorite sound: rain on my window

8. The first thing I notice about people: their smile c:

9. What would you prefer, horror or fantasy?: fantasy! I'm way too scared of horror

10. I’d want to be stuck in a lift with? (choose opposite gender lol): I'd like not to be stuck in the first place 😅 sounds like a nightmare

11. What city or town you’d like to live in?: i live in a big city now... i miss the country side

12. What I value most in life: empathy

13. If I could learn any skill, it’d be: so many things but i really wish i could sing along to songs without dying in shame

14. Between beach and the mountains, I prefer: 🗻

15. I’d love to get married in..: hmmm not thinking about this yet

16. My hidden talent: I’m lucky at games and gambling (but only if no money is involved so it's pretty useless)

17. If could bring anyone back to the life, I’d bring back: hmm no one

18. Why?: i haven't lost someone yet... I'd like to keep this chance

18. Rainy day or sunny day?: Rainy day

20. Who’s the role model of your life: not one person i particular, i get inspired by lots of ppl around me

21. How I relax after a hard day: curl up in bed and read

22. I like the way I look: I'm okay with it usually

23 My most favourite facial features of my self is: eyes 👁️

24. My most favourite part of my body: ummm idk i guess my hands are kinda cute?

25. If I could change anything about my body: fix m stomach

26 . If yes what’s it: i have chronic pain so I'd like to get rid of it

27. If I could change something from my past: so many mostly small things (i should not get this opportunity 😅)

28. How many piecings I’ve: none

29. I like makeup: I do! I just suck at it

30. I wear makeup everyday: nope

31. My skin type is: dry

31. My skin tone: pale

32. My hair colour: brown

33. My height: 160 cm

34. My age: 21

35. My birthday: 04.06

36. My best friend: known her for 10 years~ we don't see each other much anymore but I love her sm 💕

37. I have a pet or more: used to have a dog but since I moved out i now own a kitty

38. If I don’t, then one pet I’d adopt: I want two dogs!!

39. Video games or social media: both! i started to play more recently

40. I’ve a innocent mind/dirty mind: more innocent, a soft stan

41. I’ve visited outside of my country: yes but I have yet to travel out of europe

42. Someone proposed me or asked me out?: asked me out yes

43. If yes then I liked it and accepted it / didn’t liked it and rejected it: I did~

44. Do you follow some celebrities’ fashion: no, I don't think it would suit me anyways

45. What do you think about your fashion sense: Im not sure if you can even call it fashion sense fjskls mostly practical and comfortable stuff

46. You found someone copying your fashion: lol no

47. You can do your make up properly: no I'd love to :c

48. You go or used to go to school with makeup on: only some mascara if i looked really tired

49. What colour suits you best? I've been told blue and purple

50. Finally how’s quarantine going? we don't have a lockdown so I've been fine~ i stayed in for safety but since I'm a homebody it's okay!

I hope you're all doing well! stay safe 💕💕

Tagging: @baeksploration @nfly5 @appricoto of course only if you want to! 🥰