#man cheats on his girlfriend with a woman he later describes as 'whatever'

[greenmantle]

5.11 // 6.01

[robert-de-niro-only-fans]

Ace of Hearts

Sam “Ace” Rothstein x Reader

Hi guys! Corny title, I KNOW, but I’m so incredibly happy to finally be posting this. I’ve been working on it since December, and it’s probably the longest thing I’ll ever write! Just to give you a quick rundown: it’s based off of Casino so you’ll see some familiar events and verbiage, but it’s told out of order to fit what I wanted and there’s a new character (Miss y/n). I have worked so so hard on this, so I hope you all love it! Thank you so much!

TW: smut, anything in Casino that triggers you may be in here, violence, injury, drinking, smoking, drugs, death, threats, cheating/affair, divorce, cursing, etc.

Word Count: 17.9k

"(Y/N)! Good evening, it's nice to see you, hun," Sam says, wrapping his arms around your waist for a hug and giving you a kiss on the cheek, "Looking beautiful as always." You place a hand on his chest, taking in the scent of his cologne; he always smelled good and expensive.

You are at Sam's casino, The Tangiers; he had invited you for dinner, like he does regularly. You and Sam are good friends; you met through Billy, the casino manager, and so Sam invites you to dinner there quite often. When it came to the casino, he was quite the social butterfly: always wanting to show the casino off to people and being extremely hospitable so that word-of-mouth would travel and bring new people in.

"Thank you, Sam, how have you been since I last saw you?" Most people call him Ace, but he had introduced himself you as Sam, for some reason, so it just stuck.

"Really good, actually, I have some news for you," you had become a person that Sam likes to confide in; he trusts you, and he says it's nice to get a woman's perspective.

"And what is that?" you ask with a smile as you head towards your usual table.

"I'm dating someone," he says with a grin, trying not to be too proud of himself.

"Sam! Really? You found a girl?!" you stop, taking his hand, waiting for details.

"Yeah, we just got together a few weeks ago. She's... Well, she's like me, I guess," you both start walking towards the table again, "She's driven and she's got a big presence when she walks in a room. And she's just got this spark; I don't know what it is about her."

"Ah, he must be going on about Ginger," Billy says as you walk up to where he's seated, waiting on you, "yeah, he was starstruck the moment he laid eyes on her."

"She'll be here soon; I'd like you to meet her," Sam says to you. Despite being a very confident man, there were certain people he likes to get approval from; you feel honored to be one of those people.

So, you take your seats at the table, and as promised, Ginger is there only a little while later. You can tell it's her; she is exactly the way Sam described her. Her tall, blonde figure really captures everyone's attention, especially Sam's.

"Hey, gorgeous," Sam greets her, motioning for her to slide into the booth next you him.

"Hi, Sam," she hands him her clutch purse and sits down, giving him a peck on the lips. He goes around and introduces her to everyone at the table including you. She seems like she has a great personality and excellent people skills, but you couldn't help but feel a little jealous that she called him Sam too. You thought you were the only one, but it makes sense considering she is his girlfriend.

After everyone is settled in and food orders placed, Ginger leans forward so she can see past Sam to talk to you. "(Y/N)?" she says kind of quietly.

"Oh, hey!" you reply casually.

"I just wanted to say," she starts, "Sam talks about you a lot; it's nice to finally meet you, and I hope we can be friends. There aren't a lot girls in this business," she says with a bit of a chuckle at the end.

At that moment you both realize Sam is listening in on your conversation.

"Oh, well, thank you, Ginger. Any girl good enough for Sam must be really spectacular; he's a picky man!"

He puts his arm around her, "Spectacular is a good word to describe her." He takes your hand in one of his for just a moment, squeezing lightly and giving you a happy look, proud that you and her are getting along.

• • •

Over the next few months, you see Sam fall madly in love with Ginger. She couldn't deny that he was a very sweet man who gave her respect and anything should could ever ask for, but you could tell she never reciprocated those feelings as much as Sam. You get the feeling that she loved what he could do for her more than the man he was, but then again, maybe she's just slow to fall in love and you're being overprotective of your friend.

You trust Sam and know that even though he's in love, he'll maintain a level head. He treats everything like a business transaction.

As it turns out, that's exactly how he handles their engagement from what he tells you. You had stopped in for a visit at the casino, so he is sitting with you and catching up before he heads back out to the floor.

"Yeah, I told her that I know her feelings haven't developed as quickly as mine, but that if she lets me marry her, she'll be taken care of for the rest of her life, and she won't have to hustle the streets anymore. The love will come, I know it will," Sam explains to you, although it seemed like that last part was for him.

"And she said yes?" you ask.

"Yes. She said yes. She even agreed to have a baby with me." You'd never seen such a happy look in his eyes; Sam had always wanted a family, and it took a long time, but it's finally happening for him.

While this worried you a bit, you press on, "So, when's the wedding?!" you try to joke.

"Oh, well, uh... In a year at least. We want to have the baby first; it was part of our deal."

"What? Sam," you try to make sense of what he just told you, "you don't find it a little odd that you had to negotiate your own engagement, and that you can't trust her to have a baby with you 𝘢𝘧𝘵𝘦𝘳 you're married?"

"I mean, it's unconventional, but that's just Vegas."

"No, love is love, no matter what city you're in. You deserve someone who will love you and respect you as much as you love and respect them. Not many people see it, but you have such a big heart, Sam; don't let someone take advantage of it," you place your hands on his, and his eyes glance up at you. You both share a knowing look. As much as Sam respects your opinion, nothing will stop him once he wants something, and he wants Ginger: her trust, her respect, and her love.

You see Sam and Ginger several times throughout their pregnancy, and honestly, they couldn't be happier. Sam is going to have the baby he always wanted, and Ginger is getting all the attention in the world for carrying Sam Rothstein's child. You think maybe this will solve all their problems.

• • •

Just a few months after the baby was born, you received an invitation to their wedding. You had been by their apartment a few weeks prior to visit and meet the baby, and gosh, she was so cute. Sam lit up when he held her; he was so proud of his baby girl, Amy. But Sam hadn't mentioned anything about a wedding happening so soon, although they do have the money to make one happen quickly.

The wedding is very nice, although it's more of a party than a wedding. Ginger is a socialite, so it only makes sense that there would be more attention on the reception than the ceremony.

You go sit with Nicky and his wife Jennifer so that you can hold the baby, while Sam and Ginger cut the cake and share champage. This is supposed to be a happy moment for them, but you can tell something is off. Maybe it's because they don't have baby fever anymore; parenting is not easy, so that's what you chalk it up to.

As you're making faces getting the baby to giggle, you see Sam sneak off into a back room, presumably looking for Ginger. You continue to entertain their baby while you wait for him to come back; you hadn't really gotten a chance to see him all night, and you want to show your support and congratulate him.

As you chat with Nicky, you see Ginger and Sam return from wherever they had gone; only problem is, they went two different directions and Ginger had clearly been crying. That's not normal behavior for newly weds. Nicky takes notice as well and says, "Eh, uh, why don't you go check on him? I'll take the baby."

And so, you hand him Sam's little bundle of joy, and make your way across the ballroom to your friend. He had been pulled into a conversation that he clearly didn't want to be having, so you tap him on the shoulder and excuse him from the group of people. He puts his hand around your waist as you walk off.

"Dance with me," you say simply, and he happily agrees. You knew you'd be able to talk privately because you'd be so close to him on the dancefloor, and it wouldn't look suspicious like if you swept him away to a different room.

"Trouble in paradise already?" you ask him, "You two have been so happy the past few months, what's going on?"

"Well, I guess maybe she realized this is the end of the road, and that I'm the one she'll be stuck with the rest of her life... Whatever the reason, she felt the need to call her pimp, Lester Diamond," he explains, pursing his lips at the end; he was really frustrated and trying not to show it.

"What did she call him for? She doesn't still love him or something, does she?"

"She says she called him to let him know it was over and that she's married now. He was her first love, and the only thing in this whole world she's got a soft spot for."

"Oh, Sam... You don't deserve that; you don't deserve someone that's holding onto their baggage with someone else."

"Well then maybe I should've married someone like you," he says with a small laugh and a look of longing in his eyes. He pulls you even closer to him, and you hold him a bit tighter in an effort to comfort him.

"You shouldn't say things like that on your wedding day," you say quietly next to his ear.

"But it's true. You've got the looks, the personality, a great heart, but for some reason, I only want Ginger, or at least for a while I did." With that, he stares into your eyes for a little while, before kissing you on your jawline and neck a few times.

After a pause, you say, "Well, I hope that was the last time she calls him. You deserve nothing but the best, but I know how much you love her, so I hope you two will find happiness with one other." You decide not to say anything about the way he implied that he wanted to be with you or the way he just kissed you; maybe that would make it worse. That probably isn't how he really feels; he's probably just speaking from a place of being hurt by Ginger. You stop dancing and hug him, "Congratulations on your big day, it was beautiful and glamorous in way that only Sam Rothstein could do."

You both share a laugh and hopeful smiles. His hand finds yours as you start to walk away, and he gives it a squeeze before letting his arm drop to his side.

"Everything okay?" Nicky asks when you get back to the table.

"Yeah, everything's gonna be fine," there wasn't much point in explaining it to him, he had a thing for Ginger, so he would make excuses for her. Plus it wasn't your news to share, Sam trusted that you would keep his secrets, because that's how you'd always been.

You grabbed your things to leave, and you shot one quick glance back at Sam before heading out. He was hugging Ginger, trying to comfort her; that didn't stop the nasty look she gave you when she saw you looking at her man. "Sadly, he belongs to her now," you think as you take in the cool night air outside the wedding chapel, "legally, at least."

• • •

The next several months of their marriage only take a turn for the worse. The issue isn't that they don't understand each other, it's that they're exactly alike: both strong-minded with the will to get what they want. The issue is that the things they want don't align with the other person's goals. Sam wants a successful casino and to have Ginger's love, but Ginger is someone who can't be tamed; she wants money wherever she can get it, and she wants to be the center of attention.

The thing that works on Sam's nerves more than anything is that Ginger just refused to cut ties with Lester Diamond.

"She just keeps- she- she asked me for all this money, and she won't tell me what it's for," Sam is fuming as he vents to you about his wife, "She knows I would give her anything she wants of she'll just tell me what it's for. She won't be honest with me, and that's how I know she's up to no good."

"What do you think the money is for?" you ask, placing your hand on his. He had come over to your house just to visit and have a few drinks. This has become a regular thing since he married Ginger; he relies on your company and your advice.

"Mmm, it's just a suspicion, but I think it might be for that pimp." He rubs his thumb across the back of your hand as he held it.

"I thought she ended things with him, but I wouldn't put it past her to go behind your back. I'm sorry that you can't trust your own wife; I know you value that so much."

"Well, I'm at least glad to know that someone in this world still has values like me. In a town like Las Vegas, everyone is so cutthroat. Sometimes I think you and Billy are the only ones left with a moral compass."

"You have one too, Sam, and a good heart," you pull him towards you, and he lies across the couch to place his head in your lap. He is only casual like this with a few people, but he finds it fun to kick back and relax with you. He looks up at you while you gently comb your fingers though his hair; eventually it will work the gel out of his hair, but you like it when he let his waves hang loose. "What are you gonna do about her giving Lester that money?"

"Hm, I don't know yet," he answers with raised eyebrows and a shoulder shrug.

"What if you let her have the money?"

"So she can give it to that scumbag?"

"Listen, honey," you chuckle at him, "what if you let her have the money, knowing she's going to give it to Lester, but you and Nicky's guys show up with her. Put him in his place, rough him up, that way he won't come begging on her doorstep again. AND she'll see what happens if she tries to give him your money again."

A surprised look appears on his face, "Damn, baby, you been hanging out with Nicky, taking some notes from him? It almost sounds like you hate my wife or something!" You both laugh together.

Your laughter dies off, and you look down at his face in your lap, "I hate the way she treats you." It's the simple truth; he deserves better.

• • •

A few weeks later, you're at a pool party at Billy's place. Las Vegas summers are hot, so pools are basically a requirement out here.

Normally, Sam brought Ginger to these kinds of things; that's just what you were supposed to do, but you had convinced him to come by himself. At first the thought made him uncomfortable, because he knew it would cause another argument at home, but he also just wanted to get away for a while. And so, he left Ginger with a stack of cash, told her to go shopping, and came over to Billy's.

You don't notice Sam when he first arrives; you're in the pool taking to some of Billy's business associates, some you had met before, some you hadn't. One of these guys has made himself really comfortable with you: grabbing at your hips and trying to keep you close to him. You're used to men like this putting their hands on you, and it's normally very casual, but this guy is being more aggressive than you are used to.

He's putting his arms around you and pulling you really close to his chest. You use your arms as a barrier between you and him; it's really more awkward than anything.

"Excuse me?"

You look over your shoulder to see Sam standing at the edge of the pool.

"Yeah?" the guy asks, adjusting his arm around you once again.

"Would you mind if the lady came with me?" Sam asked, pouring on the charm.

"She's fine here."

"Looks like she'd rather be with me" Sam says giving you a coy look.

The guy look at you, then back at Sam, "And who the fuck are you?" he replies, rudely.

"Someone you don't want to piss off." Sam takes your hand, and you free yourself from this other man. Sam helps you out of the pool and snags a towel for you to wrap yourself up in.

"Thank you for that," you tell Sam as you walk over to a table where Billy and his wife are.

"Eh, I'm sorry that he felt he could treat you like that. He'll be taken care of." You know what that means.

There are several people gathered around the table, people Sam and Billy work with at the casino, but they're also friends. Sam takes a seat in one of the lounge chairs and pulls you into his lap. Everyone at the table says their hello's and Sam whipsers to you, "Thank you for inviting me... And suggesting I leave the wife at home." He rubs a hand across your thighs and the other rests on your back.

This is a crowd that you and Sam are comfortable being close in. You two were always like this before he got with Ginger, so it feels nice to have him close to you again. You gently squeeze at his side, while he lights a cigarette and takes a puff. He offers it to you, but you just smile and shake your head.

"Hey, Billy," Sam starts.

"Yeah, Ace?" he asks, turning his attention to the man next to you.

"You see that dopey ass motherfucker in the pool over there?" Sam asks, pointing with his cigarette between his fingers, "The tall one at the center of that group?"

"Yeah, yeah, I see him. Did he do something?"

"He thought it was okay to make (Y/N) here uncomfortable, and he tried to mouth off at me about it," Sam explains.

"(Y/N), is that true? What did he do to you?" Billy asks you.

"He was just being weird and way too handsy. I tried to get away from him but he would just grab me if I did that. I didn't wanna make a scene though."

Billy turns to look back at the group of guys in the pool, "And all those guys with him just let it happen, huh?" He turns back to you, "It'll be handled. That's unacceptable."

Sam gives your waist a squeeze, and you share a look with him. "You gonna get in the pool at all today?" you ask him, motioning to his outfit: khaki slacks, a button up shirt (unbuttoned a little bit), and a pale pink sports coat.

"I don't know, I'm having a good time right here. You look good in that bikini, baby," he whispers the last part, rubbing his fingers over the string on your back, "it doesn't leave much to the imagination..."

"Just the parts that all you boys want to see," you bite your lip, and you both giggle quietly.

The afternoon goes by with casual conversation as you and Sam lounge back in your chair with you leaning against his chest and your face tucked into the crook of his neck. He keeps his arms around you, as he chats and enjoys some drinks and cigarettes with the guys at the table.

Soon, the sun begins it's descent before the moon comes out, which means the temperature is dropping too. Vegas has some of the hottest days and the coldest nights.

You sit up from your cozy spot against Sam's chest and pluck the cigarette holder from between his lips. He raises his eyebrows at you as you take a drag off of it, then you exhale the smoke at the same time as him.

A warm smile spreads across your face as you return the cigarette to him. "I'm gonna go change," you whisper to him before getting up and heading inside Billy's house.

Upstairs in the bathroom, you take your change of clothes out of your bag and lay them out on the counter. You hear a small knock at the door before Sam enters the bathroom, locking the door behind him.

"Sam? What are you doing?" you ask him.

He walks over and places himself behind you, looking you up and down in the mirror. He wraps his arms around your midsection and rests his chin on your shoulder, making eye contact with you, again in the mirror.

"You're so beautiful," is all he says before one hand travels to your hip, and his lips find your skin. He kisses at your neck slowly but sensually; you close your eyes as your back arches into him. He has you turned on in a matter of seconds; you had never realized you wanted him this bad.

One of his hands slides up your back and pulls the string of your bikini top, untying it and leaving your back bare. Your top hangs on by the knot at the back of your neck.

His kisses grow increasingly sloppy as he becomes more turned on for you. One of his hands cups at the underside of your breast, while the other holds your hips in place. You feel his erection in his pants against your backside, as he unties one of the knots at your hip.

"Sam-" You want him badly, but your conscience won't let you do this. "Sam."

His motions stop and he looks up at you in the mirror. You turn around in his arms so that you can look him in the eyes. With a bittersweet look on your face, you say, "We can't do this. You're married, Sam. We can't do this, especially not in Billy's house."

A look of clarity comes to his eyes as you talk some sense into him. "Yeah, yeah, you're right," he answers. He reaches for a towel and wraps it around your body, as if to cover up the thing that was tempting him. You tie the towel in place and go ahead and remove your bikini, dropping it to the floor. Sam pulls you into a hug, holding your toweled waist tight, "I'm sorry, (Y/N). I'm so sorry."

• • •

The next time you see Sam is just for a normal get-together at The Tangiers. Being the gentleman he is, he treats you as if the incident at Billy's place never happened, and it's best this way; he's one of your best friends after all.

This dinner is anything but normal, however. Ginger had started to catch on to Sam leaving her at home. You got the feeling Nicky was the one who let her in on that secret.

Ginger storms into the casino, making a scene like she always does; she's always been the kind of person you hear before you see when she's angry. Security follows her over as she makes her way to the table with their little girl on her hip. Sam stands up and rushes over to her, in an effort to keep Ginger away from everyone at the table. It doesn't work that well, she continues pushing towards the table as she screams at him about leaving her at home and making her take care of their toddler.

Sam gets the kid from Ginger, and she pushes past him and towards you, "THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT! YOU PUT THE IDEA IN HIS HEAD TO START SNEAKING AROUND ON ME!"

You sit there, completely taken back. You would try to say something, but you wouldn't get a word in as Ginger is letting you have it.

Sam comes over, grabbing Ginger's arm and pulling her to face him, "What the fuck is the matter with you? What the fuck is the MATTER WITH YOU?! Bringing our kid here at this time of night! Screaming at (Y/N)!" He points at you, "You ain't had nothin' to do with her since you met!! And you wanna come in here and blame your problems on her?!"

You had never seen Sam so angry before, screaming at the top of his lungs like this in front of everyone, in his own casino. There was a pause as everyone waited for what was gonna happen next.

Quietly, Ginger speaks, "Oh my God," her voice cracked like she was about to cry, "oh my God, you're defending her..." She turns to walk away, crying into her hands. Sam quickly hands Amy over to you and runs after Ginger.

Security follows them, and everyone at the table sits in silence as you all listen to Ginger yell and cry at Sam on the way outside, "You never defended me! To anyone! For anything! You've never defended me like that!"

• • •

A few days later, flowers show up at your house with a note from Sam.

"I'm so sorry for the other night and how crazy things have been lately. Let's go out and I'll make it up to you. -S. R."

Attached is a reservation card telling you that you're having dinner with him tonight at a small restaurant you used to go to when Sam first moved out to Las Vegas.

"I'm so glad you actually came. I thought maybe you didn't want anything to do with me after Ginger yelled at you like that."

"Have I ever been the type of girl that would blame you for your wife's actions?" you say greeting him with a kiss on the cheek, "it's good to see you all in one piece; I was worried what she might do to you." You both chuckle and sit down at your table.

"I just- uhh, I just wanted to take you out like we used to do before everything got so crazy. Back when I was still getting used to the desert and Billy introduced me to you; it was just simple... and always fun when you were around. So I just thought maybe we could re-live that for a night," Sam explains his reasoning for bringing you here alone.

"Well I think it'll be fun," you say reaching over and giving his hand an encouraging squeeze, "This place always had great food!" You lean back in your seat, slide your heels off under the table, and prop your feet up in Sam's lap across from you. He raises his eyebrows, giving you a look. "Well you said you wanted it to be like old times!" you exclaim.

After dinner and dessert, you both sit back with your bellies full. The food was so rich and lovely; you both ate so much more than you normally would have, but you aren't in the company of anyone fancy so you cut loose.

"You wanna get out of here? I got somewhere I'd like to take you," Sam asks.

"Ooooh, honey, I don't think I can move, I'm so full!" you groan at him, "Where are we going?"

"Somewhere you took me when I first moved here and I needed some peace and quiet from the city."

And with that, you let him take you by the hand and lead you out to his car. When you cruise past the strip and out into the dark dessert, you lean on his shoulder and ask, "You're not gonna whack me, are you?"

"Now, I couldn't tell you if I was. Typically the guy you're gonna whack doesn't ask ya, and typically the guy you're gonna whack is a guy," you both laugh. Tonight really had been like old times.

You slide over and lay down, laying your head in his lap. He put his arm across your chest and shoulder as if you were an arm rest, and he looks down at you. "Eyes on the road, Mr. Rothstein!"

"Yes, ma'am" he cracks a smile and looks up like he's supposed to.

Parked just a few miles out in the desert, Sam gets out the car, grabbing a blanket from the back, and tossing it across the hood of the car. He also grabs an extra jacket for you for when it gets cold.

"Alright, get outta the car," he says, looking at you laid across the front seat of his Cadillac.

"Mmmm... but I'm so cozy here," you whine.

Sam grabs you by your feet and drags you across the seat to pull you up out of the car. Once you're on your feet, he grips both of your shoulders and looks you over, "Princess. You're a spoiled princess, you know that?" He grabs your hips and lifts you onto the hood of the car before walking around and hopping up to sit next to you.

"It's been forever since I came out here... Thank you for bringing me," you tell Sam as you lean back on the windshield of his car and look up at the endless sea of stars in the night sky. Out here in the desert, there was no light pollution, and it was such a clear night, it felt like there were a million stars up there.

"Want this?" Sam asks holding up his extra jacket.

You take it from him and bundle up in it. It was warm and smelled like him, like he had worn it recently or perhaps sprayed his cologne on it.

He put his arm around your shoulders; together, you looked up at night sky and talked, occasionally pointing out constellations or planets.

The lower the temperature drops, the more you snuggle into Sam. Every few moments you glance at each other, sometimes making eye contact and smiling at each other.

"Mm, come here," Sam grumbles pulling you into a full-on cuddle.

"Cold?" you joke.

"Nope, you're just too far away," he nuzzles his nose into your hair and leaves a kiss there.

You turn your head to face him, "Sam."

He places his hand on your cheek and sarcastically replies, "(Y/N)."

Your eyes linger on one another's for what feels like several minutes; for a moment, the whole world fell away and it was just the two of you. You both lean in, gently pressing your lips to one another's. You move your lips together slowly and carefully, as if you might break something. The moment lasts a long time, but not long enough.

Sam pulls back to look at you, "I love you."

You open your mouth to protest, but all that comes out is, "I love you, too."

Without another word, you both agree to not discuss it. Whether you liked it or not, things were about to get complicated, so you both just want things to be simple for the night.

• • •

You had always assumed Sam was the kind of man to take a woman to bed quickly in a relationship. Of course, your relationship is anything but conventional; you'd been friends for years, but now it was obvious those feelings of friendship had been something more all along.

You had spent some time together a few times since your outing to the desert. He greeted you with a kiss each of those times you met up, because you made sure to meet in private; word couldn't get out about this, or it would cause trouble with Ginger and the crime family Nicky and Sam were in. The family wouldn't take so kindly to Ginger causing a big scene over Sam's infidelity.

You and Sam also really wanted to take things slow; you didn't want to ruin a good friendship by rushing. So when he came to your house or you met in his office, you spent a lot of time in his arms, kissing him, and not too much more.

But your job right now is to act like none of that exists, like everything is just the way it's always been. You're at a big celebration for Sam; the gaming commission is giving an award to him for being such an important asset in the success of gambling in Las Vegas. Everyone who knows Sam is there; it's his big night!

As events like this usually go, Sam is at a table on a stage at the front of the room. His closest friends are all sat together: you, Billy, Nicky, Ginger, and a few others. On the surface everything is cool, but you know this mix of people isn't good news.

There are rumors floating around that the FBI agents keeping an eye on Nicky had gotten some pictures of him and Ginger together. Sam didn't want to pry into it; he didn't want another reason to be mad with her. Sam had also recently told you that Ginger's mysterious phone calls had started up again, and she refused to tell him who she was calling at all hours of the day. You and Sam both knew what that meant: Ginger is being anything but faithful to him.

It's a lovely dinner, aside from Ginger's remarks. It's almost like she knows about you and Sam somehow. Every time she mentions him, she makes sure to watch your reaction, and she makes several remarks like, "proud to call him my man," and, "so glad he belongs to me," while staring you down.

In an effort to try and make friendly conversation with Ginger, you lean over you her to say, "You know, I think Sam likes girls like us, because we're both like him: social and in the business. We make what he does look glamorous." You give her a hopeful smile.

She cuts her eyes and hits you with, "No, Sam likes a woman like me; we both came from the streets and had to hustle our way into money. Anyone can be a socialite in a nice gown. Some of us have more to show for it."

Upon hearing that, Billy gives Ginger a look of disapproval and puts his arm around you to comfort you. It couldn't be more obvious that she is trying to get a rise out of you, but you won't stoop to her level making a scene like that.

Ginger leans into Nicky, and you don't say much the rest of dinner.

After the award was presented to Sam and it's time to mingle, you work your way over to Sam, stopping to chat with several people along the way. As you approach him, it seems like the two of you only have eyes for each other. He greets you with a big smile spread across his face, a hug, and a kiss on the cheek.

With his hands on your waist, and your hands on his chest, you tell him, "I'm so proud of you. You work so hard, and you've been so good for Las Vegas."

"Yeah, well, Las Vegas has been good to me," he says looking you in your eyes lovingly, and raising his eyebrows briefly.

What you don't realize is that Ginger sees the whole exchange, but she does something very out of character: she keeps her cool... For now.

• • •

"It was... It was the way you looked at her. You didn't have to look at her like that," Ginger sobs into the pillow on her and Sam's bed.

"How did I look at her? Huh? What did I do?" Sam questions her, pacing around their bedroom.

Ginger shifts to look up at Sam with tear-filled eyes, "Like you love her... You looked at her like you love her."

"Ginger-" Sam starts and pauses to keep his composure, "What do you care how I look at her? You me you didn't love me! And I thought I could change you!"

There was a pause before he continued, "You're not making any goddamn sense; I don't know why I'm trying to talk any sense into you. You been drinkin' all the time, and those fuckin painkillers you took have your brain so fucked up right now... I don't even know why I'm trying; it's not worth it."

"You really feel that way?" she asks quietly.

"Feel what way?"

"That I'm not worth it. You really think that I'm not worth it?" she sits up and pushes some of the hair out of her face.

That small bit of love Sam still had for Ginger creeped back up; he couldn't hurt her like that.

He sat on the bed next to her, "No," he says as he pulls her into his chest, "I don't feel that way." He simply holds her as she cries into his shoulder.

• • •

"I guess she's spread herself too thin," Sam vents to you as you lie on your couch cuddling, "I think the drinking and the drugs are a distraction from all the men she's trying to hold down. She's never been able to keep Lester under control, Nicky is getting all kinds of heat on him with the cops in Vegas, and she's realized I don't love her the way I used to, or maybe the way I thought I did."

The last part was mostly directed at himself; Sam is coming to terms with the decision he made when he married Ginger, and he's realizing that maybe it wasn't love at all. After all, lust isn't built on trust and respect.

"Don't blame yourself for falling for her. She said something to me the other night, and as hurtful as it was, it was true."

"What did she say to you?" he asks, sitting up a bit and furrowing his eyebrows.

"Well, uh, I just told her that I think you like girls like us because we're like you, but we make the business more glamorous. And she told me that you would only like a woman like her because you both worked for the success you have, and that means you and her have more to show for it."

"She said that to you?"

"Yeah, but don't worry about it. If you went to her about it, it would only cause you more problems," you try to get him to relax. There was no point in him getting stressed over it.

He sighs and lays back down, holding you tight, "I'm so sorry she said that to you. It's not true. I think her and I understand each other because of our backgrounds, but I think you know I like you just as much, if not more than I ever liked her."

"I thought you might say something like that. That's why I tried to not let it bother me," you look up and kiss him a few times.

He turns you to lay on your back, and he puts his head on your chest. You run your fingers through his hair on the back of his head.

"I wish we could just run away. I made such a mistake starting a life with Ginger. I meant it-" his voice catches a bit, "I meant it when I told you I love you. I wish I could just put her in the past and spend the rest of my days with you."

His voice got so soft at the end of his statement. From this position you couldn't see his face, and you figured there was a reason for that, as you felt some dampness forming on your shirt.

You had never seen Sam cry over anything. In that moment, it made you realize how real his feelings are. Even after all the hell Ginger put him through, it didn't break him as much as the idea of being with you.

He lies there and tries to keep his breathing even, while you wrap your arms around him and hold him. He just desperately needs love and comfort from a woman who really cares about him.

• • •

Sam and Ginger got to the point that they could hardly stand to be around one another, so they take periods of separation from one another, and they trade off who keeps Amy. Although, Sam will admit that he's more at ease when his little girl is with him.

Whenever Sam has Amy, he tries to take at least one day off work every week to spend with her. She's getting to be more of a kid than a toddler now, and she enjoys spending time with her daddy.

Today, Sam invited you along to the park and a for a picnic with Amy; it's what she asked for!

"You look pretty in your little sundress, baby," Sam compliments you, as he pushes his kid on the swing.

"It's nice seeing you dressed down a bit, too. Turns out it isn't the suit jacket that makes you so handsome!"

He was just wearing slacks and a button up shirt: sleeves rolled up, no tie, no sports coat. Oh, and don't forget the sunglasses and cigarette holder.

"Hey, Amy?" Sam calls to his daughter while she swings up and down through the air.

"Yeah, daddy?"

"You wanna go eat lunch, sweetie?"

"No!"

"No?!" Sam exclaims sarcastically, "You don't wanna go eat your lunch? I packed your favorite."

She shook her head, despite the big smile on her face.

"PB and J's?!" he asks.

She shakes her head again.

"Applesauce?"

Another no.

"Hmmm... How about those cupcakes we picked up from the bakery?"

Her little face lights up and she tries to stop the swing. Sam scoops her up on his hip to carry her over to their picnic blanket. The whole exchange is extremely adorable; you love watching Sam be a daddy to his little girl!

At lunch, surprisingly Amy stays near you. You've been babysitting her since she was a baby, and now she sees you hanging out with her dad a lot; luckily she likes you. It's really important to Sam that you two get along.

"You're gonna make a great mom one day," he says, pulling you out of your thoughts.

"Hmm? And what makes you think I'll be a mom?" you ask him, helping wipe something off Amy's cheek.

"If you stay with me, and if we end up together, you'll be Amy's new mom... aaaand maybe if you really like me, we could have a baby together," he looks down at his hands with a smirk on his face.

You put your hands over Amy's ears, and joke with him, "I think we should probably have sex before you ask me to have your baby! Although, you can trust me to have your baby 𝘢𝘧𝘵𝘦𝘳 the wedding."

You let go of Amy's ears, while you and Sam double over in laughter.

"What's so funny?" she asks sassily, sounding just like her dad.

"Nothing, honey, you'll understand when you're older," Sam replies, petting her hair.

"You always say that, daddy. Can I go play?"

"Yes, but stay where we can see you, okay?"

"Okay!" she says, already running off. She's a busy body, just like him.

Sam pulls you into a spooning position and holds you so you can both keep an eye on Amy on the playground.

"So, you want me to make love to you, huh?" he grumbles lowly in your ear, placing some kisses on your neck.

"Mmm... Why don't you come over to my place one night and find out?" you tease at him.

• • •

You assumed tonight would be just a casual night at home, and you appreciate that, because it isn't often you get alone time. You had just gotten out the shower and decided to relax in your robe on the couch for the night.

That all changes when you hear the doorbell ring.

"Who could that be? I don't think I invited anyone over," you think as you walk to the door.

"Sam!" you exclaim, seeing him on your front stoop, "what are you doing here-"

You're cut off by his lips meeting yours in a fiery kiss. He pushes you into the house and shuts the door behind him all while his lips never leave yours. He pushes you against a wall, grabbing at your hips. When his lips move down to your neck, you gasp out his name.

"Sam! What has gotten into you?" you breathe out, "What is this?"

"Mmm..." He moans, leaving little kisses at your ear, "Ginger and Amy are out of town, and... you told me to come over and make love to you."

"That's not how I said it," you laugh, before letting out a soft moan at his actions.

He reaches over and locks your front door before leading you over to the couch. His lips find yours again, then he gently lays you down, positioning himself on top of you. His hands roam your body, as your lips move with his; his tongue enters your mouth and sends chills across your skin.

You pull away from his kiss to look at him in the eyes, "I know we've been seeing each other and doing a lot of kissing, but I don't want to make you a cheater."

"Baby, it's not about cheating. Ginger and I don't wanna be together as it is; I 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 to be with 𝘺𝘰𝘶."

"Sam... are you sure? You can't go back from this."

"(Y/N), I already told you I love you. There's no going back from that." His hand snakes down to the ties on your silky robe, and pulls them loose. With his legs on either side of one of yours, he presses his hardness into your thigh. As he pulls your robe to the side just a few inches, he places soft kisses on your chest.

He pauses and looks up at you through his lashes. You place your hands on his face and shoulder, and he gives you a smile before he pulls your robe open, leaving you naked in front of him, except for the sleeves on your arms.

Sam kisses your lips lightly, then your cheek, then your neck and chest, where he starts leaving heated love bites. He gently squeezes at your breasts, as he teases them with his tongue and teeth. Soon after, he leaves a trail of kisses down your belly, leaving you with a few nips on your hipbone.

He sits up on his knees, taking your body in: your plump thighs, sensual hips, the way your breathing had become heavy, and obviously your naked parts he had always wanted to see. He moves to place himself between your legs, and he pulls one of them up, hooking your ankle on his shoulder and pressing a few kisses to your calf.

"You're beautiful," he tells you before he turns his attention back to your leg.

Sam really made you feel beautiful, but it was nothing in comparison to the way he looks: his dress shirt unbuttoned a little, shiny suit pants, large erection pressed against the fabric and poking at his waistband, his tight leather belt keeping it tame.

You're pulled from your thoughts by the feeling of Sam kissing your inner thigh; he had worked his way up to the soft, sensitive part of your leg.

He grabs you by your thighs, scooting you up the couch, giving him more room to work. Now he's bent over a bit more, placing sloppy kisses and and nibbles on your thighs as a way to get you to spread them apart. Finally, he gets down all the way, and you feel his hot breath on your center.

Seeing him crouched down on his elbows and knees, head between your legs... It's enough to make you want him. When places a few hot, wet, open-mouthed kisses on your labia, it makes you lose any fight you had to turn him down.

"Oh, Sam..." your hand slides into his hair as his tongue laps at you. He looks up making eye contact with you, and enjoying how flustered you look because of him.

He simply grins to himself and goes back to pleasing you. Your grip on his hair tightens each time he does something that you like, and he's smart: if you like it a lot, he does it over and over and over.

A few times, he moves down, licking at your entrance, testing the waters. When he hears a whine from you, he decides to stop being a tease and presses his tongue in past your lips. Your back arches up off the couch and you take in a deep breath; Sam digs his fingers into your thighs, keeping your hips firmly in place so he can continue swirling his tongue around inside you.

After a few minutes, he has mercy on you and goes back to your clitoris. He doesn't let up too much though. He slides his middle finger into you, slowly, and when he can't go any further, he curls it in a "come here" kind of motion.

"Oh, God," you let out, toes curling in pleasure.

Sam puts his lips on you and pulls your clit into his mouth, sucking on it. Jackpot. Your hand pulls his hair and you throw your head back; you can feel your climax coming. He lets out a low, grumbly moan, and it helps push you over the edge. Your orgasm comes in waves as Sam continues sucking and curling that finger; he's reveling in the feeling of you losing control at his hand.

When he decides you've had enough, he eases his motions to let you down from your high. The way he has total control over you and your body... You had never seen anything like it.

Sam crawls over you until he was face-to-face with you again to kiss you and make you taste yourself on his lips. He wraps his arms around you and picks you up, hands roaming your back as your robe hangs loosely behind you. With your legs wrapped around his hips, he takes you up to your bedroom.

"Can I ask you something, Sam?" you start.

"Of course you can, baby girl," he answers.

"Why would Ginger treat you so badly if you're this good in bed? And we haven't even made it to bed yet," you chuckle at the last part.

"I guess that's more of a question for Ginger than it is for me, but I'd really rather not talk about my wife right now," he says dropping you on your cozy bed. You lay there, arms above your head, your hair and silky robe spread out around you. Sam grabs you by wrapping his large hands around your ribcage and sits you up. It always impressed you how large and strong he is, because he keeps his muscles covered with all those suits. He pushes your robe off your shoulders, "That's better."

You giggle at him and reach out in front of you, giving his aching erection some much needed attention with the palm of your hand. Sam let's out a breath, and you take that as a sign to undo his belt. After opening his belt and unzipping his pants, you pull them down just a little, leaving them hanging on his hips. Your hand finds his member again, rubbing it through a much thinner layer of fabric, "You gonna show me what this thing can do?"

He puts a hand on the back of your head and pulls you to him. Your face nuzzles against his pelvis; you leave a few kisses on his groin and look up at him, "You want me to use my mouth on you?"

His eyes are fixed on yours as his lips pull into a half smile, "No, another time. I can't wait any longer to have you."

And with that, you pulled his pants off of his hips. He quickly works out of his shoes and pants and climbs on top of you.

"Oh, no, Mr. Rothstein! We are not doing this if you have those socks on!" you giggle at him.

He looks back at his feet, "What, you don't think they're sexy?" He turns back to you and kisses you, "I'd fuck you if you were wearing socks," he jokes before reaching back and pulling them off.

When he lays down on top of you, you work on unbuttoning his shirt while he kisses your lips and neck. A few seconds later his shirt is thrown to the floor. He wraps his arms around you as you make out, pressing your bodies together; like this, you can feel his muscles, his warmth, and his love, as if he was the thing you always needed.

His kisses slow down, and he pulls back to look at you, "I love you, (Y/N), and I mean it."

"I love you, too, Sam," you nearly whisper. After a short pause and Sam rubbing your cheek with his thumb, you ask, "Will you take those underwear off already? You're going awfully slow for a man who said he didn't want to wait anymore."

He smiles and shakes his head sarcastically at you, but he sits up on his knees and pushes them off, "Better?" he snarks.

"Better."

He was sexier than you ever could've imagined. He left a lot to the imagination with all his suits, but like this, you got to take in his loving eyes, messed up hair, soft skin, toned arms, and the chest hair that made a lovely trail down to his large member that's standing at attention for you.

"Come here, sexy," you command.

"Who? Me?" he points to himself, jokingly.

You reach up, and grab his hands, pulling him down on top of you again, "Yes, you."

He lets out an excited moan, kicking his underwear to the floor and snaking a hand down between your thighs. As his fingers tease at your clit, he asks, "You ready, baby doll?"

"Very ready."

That's all he needs to hear before he's pulling your legs up to wrap around his waist, slicking up the head of his cock with spit and a little precum. The next moments are filled with moans from the two of you, as he lines up with your wet entrance and begins to enter you. His hips work slowly, giving small motions to sink into you.

You could tell from the way his hips were bucking lightly that he was torn between taking things slow and fucking into you hastily, right then and there. It's the neediest you'd ever seen him; it's sexy the way you make him lose a bit of that control he always has.

As soon as he's got enough length inside you, he starts rocking into you, eyebrows furrowed in pleasure. "Baby, you feel so good," he says as he buries a hand in your hair and his face in your neck, kissing you. His breathing becomes more intense, and his back arches a bit allowing for some room for him to work his hand on you again.

As if the feeling of his hardness pushing in and out of you wasn't enough, his fingers start making circles on your clit, drawing moans from your mouth. "Oh, God, those noises... You're gonna drive me crazy," he whispers in your ear before leaving a few bites on your lobe.

He moves so he can kiss you and look at your pretty face while he makes love to you. He's so excellent, pleasing your clitoris while thrusting his hips into you. You lean up to leave a series of kisses and nips on his neck and collarbone; your fingernails leaving scratches on his back and hands tangling his normally perfect hair.

"Oh, fuck..." you hear Sam say as he slows down his movements.

"You okay, honey?" you ask, concerned.

"More than okay, baby, I just got close," he answers, looking almost embarrassed. It's hard to tell if the flush on his cheeks is from answering your question or from pleasure.

"You could've finished if you wanted," you say with a warm smile.

"Oh, no. I'm not done with you yet, princess." He sits up on his knees, snaking his arm around your back and gripping your hips to lift you off the bed. His other hand rests on your pelvis, and his thumb flicks over your clit. He starts rocking you back and forth on his dick, "How about that? You like that?"

Judging by your moans and the way your back arches for him, he got his answer. He picks up his pace until he's fucking into you with quick, hard thrusts, and your thighs clap against his belly. His fingers relentlessly try to please you, and it's working: you're coming apart at the seams once again for him.

When you feel your second orgasm coming on, you can't help but also feel a little surprised... but also so turned on that he made a mess of you, twice.

Feeling your orgasm and feeling you tighten around his hard length, Sam loses himself. His hips buck into you wildly as he cums deep inside you. He sits back on his heels, and pulls you up to straddle his lap. He pumps into you a few more times while he holds you close to him, kissing anywhere his lips can reach.

Your lips meet and you kiss him several times, both of you feeling very satisfied. You comb your fingers through his hair, fixing it a little bit; he seems to like that. His arms are wrapped around you, and he just holds you on his lap like that for a few minutes, kissing your chest.

He lays his head against your shoulder, and let's out a deep breath, "Yeah, I'm in love," he giggles and stares up at you with an innocent, happy look.

"Me too," you say quietly, kissing his head with a bit of a sad look on your face.

"Hey!" he gets you to look down at him, "You okay, sweetie?"

"Yeah... I just wish we could be together, and that it wouldn't be so complicated," you tell Sam.

He lays you down on the bed, pulling out of you, then he lays next to you and holds you in his arms, "Me too, baby, me too. I just feel bad because it's my fault we can't be together like we want to."

"Oh, Sam, you know I don't blame you for that. No one enters into a bad marriage on purpose."

"No, but you were always right about her. I should've listened to you, considering I came to you for advice. She never cared about me."

"Yeah, but you cared about her, and you still do," you say with a warm smile, "she's the mother of your child. You have a big heart, Sam."

You wrap your arms around his neck and hold his head against your chest. "I care about you, too," you hear him mutter.

"I know you do. I care about you, too," you whisper, snuggling into him to drift off to sleep in his arms.

• • •

The sex was amazing, but there's nothing like waking up in the arms of someone you love, at least, that's how you feel this morning. The way Sam clings to you, almost desperately, lets you know that while you may not wake exactly like this every morning, you will wake up loved each morning.

As you begin to stir a bit, Sam's arms squeeze around you, not wanting you to leave your comfortable spooning position. He grumbles to himself a few times before finally cracking his eyes open to tell you, "Good morning, beautiful."

"Good morning," you respond, as he lies there with his eyes closed like he may go back to sleep.

He opens his eyes again, slowly, and you feel his hand gently move the covers off of you. You groan when the cool air hits your skin. "God damn, baby, you look so good," his voice rumbles.

"Mmm... You pushed the blankets off me just to tell me I look good?"

"Well, no..." he starts, and he finishes his statement by kissing your shoulder blade and neck, teasing at your thighs, and feeling your breasts. He presses his hips into your backside, letting you feel his morning wood.

"Oooh, someone's happy!" you giggle, pushing your butt back into him to give him some friction.

"I think you meant horny," he slides a hand down, grabbing at your butt before sliding further down teasing between your legs. He slowly runs his middle finger back and forth along your clit and your entrance, getting you wet for him.

"Hey, Sam?"

"Hm?" He mutters between kisses.

"I love you. I wanted to make sure to say it first for once."

He chuckles and continues what he's doing, "And I love you, and I wanna make sure you know this isn't about sex."

"Well, it's a little hard to believe that when you have a finger inside me, but Sam Rothstein is a man who's good on his word, so I'll believe you...just this once," you look over your shoulder, both of you grinning uncontrollably. You reach back and take his member in your hand, stroking it, "However, for the next few minutes, I'd like to make it about sex."

"Mmm, yes ma'am!" Sam exclaims, attacking your neck with sloppy kisses, and repositioning himself to enter you. You both relax into those feelings of pleasure as his warm cock fills you. He grips your hips loosely and thrusts his hips into you almost lazily, but it feels good.

His hand creeps down and grips your thigh, gently lifting your leg up in the air. You both light up with noises, moans, whines, heavy breathing. Within a few minutes, you hear Sam breathe out, "Baby, baby, I'm gonna cum."

You let out a hum, "Cum for me, sweetheart."

Sam pulls you close to him, moving against you with quick, small pumps. You grab his hand, intertwining his fingers with yours, while he holds you tightly. After his orgasm, he slides out of you easily and turns you over to kiss your lips for the first time that morning.

Sam is so needy after sex; he wants to hold you as close as possible and shower you in kisses and affection and sweet words.

"I'm sorry I didn't finish you off, honey," Sam says to you.

"It's okay, sweetie, I'm just glad you felt so good," you hold his head in your hands, nuzzling your nose against his.

He lowers his voice as if someone might hear him, "I'll make up for it in the shower," giving you a little wink.

And he does, because Sam Rothstein is a man who's good on his word.

• • •

Since you and Sam spent that weekend together, you start fucking like bunnies. That is to say: you find time to make love to one another often, especially when Ginger is out of town. You both prefer to do it at your home, but when Sam has Amy, he will sometimes invite you over; you quickly get past sleeping in another woman's bed, because you know Sam's heart belongs to you. Sex for the two of you isn't about getting off; it's one of the many ways you show your feelings for one another.

You both find it very hard to hide your feelings for one another in front of others. You can be so open with one another and your feelings when you're in your little bubble. Despite that, you have to put your feelings aside for The Tangiers charity event tonight. Sam has a lot of big spenders flying in for this event; it's going to bring in a lot of money and a lot of publicity for the casino.

"Hey, baby," you say, sneaking into Sam's office, closing the door quietly.

He's standing by his desk signing a few papers; this is probably the one quiet moment he'll have all night. "Hey, princess," he gives you a cute look, signing a few more papers. You sit in comfortable silence, while you wait for him to finish his work. "Alright," he says, tapping his pen on the final paper, "Bring that sweet ass over here!"

He sits on the edge of his desk and pulls you into a hug, taking in your scent and the way your dress feels against your body. He lets out a relaxed sigh, "I missed you."

It has been few days since you've seen each other. With Ginger being home in preparation for this event, you and Sam decided it was best not to see each other. "I missed you, too," you nuzzle into him.

You feel his hand under your chin, lifting your face so he can kiss you. You kiss slowly at first, letting Sam explore your mouth with his tongue, but things quickly get more heated since it feels like it's been so long since you had each other.

He turns you around, sitting you on his thigh as he leans against his desk. You both crane your necks to keep your lips connected. Sam presses your back against his chest before dipping his hand into your dress, fingers teasing your nipple. You inhale sharply and brace a hand on his hip.

"You like that?" he purrs in your ear.

"Mm-hmm," you hum, leaning your head back against him.

His free hand pulls your dress up and disappears between your thighs, touching you through your panties.

"Sam..." you whine, moving your hand to squeeze at his half-hard length.

"Seems like someone misses me, needy baby," he whipsers to you.

You urge his hands off of you and stand up, facing him, "Now let's get something straight, Mr. Rothstein: I wasn't needy when I came in this office. I patiently waited for you to finish signing things, and then YOU made me needy."

There's a long pause between you before Sam cracks a little smirk and says, "You're sexy when you're mad."

Once you head downstairs to the casino floor, the party is on. Millionaires and billionaires fill the room, enjoying slots, tables, and free champagne. Sam always thought it was funny how rich people love a free handout.

Every business associate that Sam knew was here, plus the rich friends they brought with them. Those of you who spend a lot of time at the casino mingle with the guests who came to spend money; your job is to keep them spending money, because a hefty portion of what the house makes tonight is going to be split between a few charities. It was Billy's idea, saying that a charity event would be great publicity and raise goodwill with the people.

Most of your evening goes by playing table games with people you barely knew, so it's nice to see Billy, a familiar face. You hadn't seen him since you got there.

He hands you a glass of champagne and you find a more secluded place to talk while Billy watches the floor. You see Sam doing the same from his usual spot; Sam sees you and gives you a cute look, scrunching his nose when Billy isn't looking.

Almost on queue, Billy smirks, "So, you and Ace, huh?"

"Huh? What?" you stammer, caught off guard.

"Don't worry, I haven't told anyone. You know my lips are sealed," he has a pleased look on his face, and he gives you a wink.

You sigh and give Billy a knowing look, confirming his suspicions, "How'd you know?"

"Well, I'll admit it took me a while to catch on, because you two have always been close. Sam's been much happier the past few weeks, but I chalked it up to Ginger getting out of his hair with her little vacations. Tonight has been the first dead giveaway: you sneaking up to his office and coming down to the floor together, and the way he's been keeping an eye on you all evening, like he's worried about you getting too far away from him."

If Sam had been watching you like that, you hadn't noticed, but it was endearing. "You should tell him not to blow our cover," you smirk at Billy.

"Oh, I plan on it," Billy leans into you, "Let me tell you a secret, (Y/N). I've always liked you two together, and I think you have always liked one another; maybe you were just too blinded by the Vegas lights to see it... So, I'll keep your secret, because you two deserve to be happy." His hand squeezes your shoulder, and he clinks his glass with yours before leaving you to go stand with Sam so they can watch the floor together.

As you walk the floor looking for a group of tycoons to mingle with, you feel a hand grab your arm. You turn to see Ginger who is now leading you across the casino floor.

"Hey, girl! Wanna work a table together? Maybe if we put our heads together, we could pull in more money." She is oddly pleasant in her tone of voice, but the way her nails grip your arm gives you a different vibe; however, you don't feel you have much choice in the matter. You are swept off to a table far away from the center of the casino, far away from Sam and Billy.

Unexpectedly, Ginger is nice to you and even jokes with you as you hustle all the rich men gathered around the roulette table, getting them to spend all of their money. When that's over, it's like a switch flips.

She drags you aside away from everyone except a few bouncers, and begins her tirade, "It's you. I know it's you." She's doing her best to remain calm with all of the donors around, but you knew she was high; she was always on something anymore.

"Ginger, what are you talking about?"

"You- your perfume! I smell it... in my bed, on Ace! I know you're sleeping with him!"

You can tell she's getting worked up, and you really don't want her to start yelling. "Now, we don't want things to get out of hand. You know I spend a lot of time with Sam; I've been helping him babysit Amy more since you guys have been more separate. Isn't it possible you smell my perfume around him because of that? You probably smell it on Amy too, right?"

Ginger is frustrated and confused, unable to make sense of things with all that junk in her system, "Yeah, yeah, I guess that makes sense," she pouts.

"Yeah, see? It's okay, everything's okay," you try to calm her down, resting your hand on her upper arm.

"No! Don't touch me!!" she shouts.

"Ginger, don't get excited; we don't wanna ruin the event."

"I don't care what you say; I don't trust you, and I don't trust you with my husband!" she sneers at you, "I have my connections just like your 'Saaam,' and if I find out anything is going on with you and him, you'll be nothing more than one of those holes in the desert these guys like to talk so much about. You're nothing but a whore as it is."

Her face is inches from yours. She had insulted you and threatened your life in a single statement, and clearly she had decided Sam was too personal a name for her husband, since she chastised you for calling him that. You decide to do your worst; you doubt she'll remember this interaction anyway.

"This coming from the woman who can't seem to shake her pimp."

Thankfully the bouncers nearby saw how heated things were getting, and they came over to break it up. They even called Nicky over talk Ginger down. It's pretty bad that even the casino staff knew about Nicky and Ginger, and that bringing Ace over would just make it worse.

But word quickly made it back to Sam about what Ginger had done to you, and so a few days later, he sent her to Beverly Hills with Amy; besides, he only needed her home for that one night at the Tangiers.

• • •

Despite all of his efforts to run a clean joint, it all came crashing down when Sam got word that the FBI had heard all about the casino and the Midwest bosses from that grocery store tap back home. Luckily, they couldn't really bring any heat down on Sam, because he didn't know much; he had been put in Las Vegas to run the casino, and he was even working on getting his gaming license which looked good on him.

Nicky, however, did get a lot of heat. He already had the attention of the Las Vegas police for a number of crimes, and he was the liaison between Las Vegas and and the Midwest bosses.

Sam had already been trying to pull away from Nicky and that meant also pulling away from the gangster business that had made him so successful as a handicapper.

Thankfully with Ginger out of town, you got to be with Sam when he found out about all this. There isn't much he can do, but he knows it's a possibility his whole casino could go under.

In order to cheer him up, you invite Sam to your place for a few days, so he can use your home as a getaway to just relax as much as he can. Despite everything going on, you both actually have a pretty good time. Sam only takes the calls he absolutely has to take which mostly meant Billy, and you both enjoy cooking together, showering together, making love together...

Unfortunately he can't stay for more than a few days or people will start to realize he isn't home, and any calls other than to Billy needed to come from Sam's house, especially any calls to Ginger. And so this morning you head off to Sam's place, so he can call the hotel in Beverly Hills to check on his wife and child.

He gets on the phone and cheerily greets the hotel receptionist before asking to be put through to Ginger's room. His tone quickly drops when he questions, "𝘔𝘳. and Mrs. Rothstein?"

You give him a concerned look as he wraps up the conversation and slams the phone down on the hook. He lets out a frustrated sigh and rubs his chin before he says, "She checked out of the hotel with another man and my kid."

"It's not Nicky, is it?" you ask.

"No, it's not Nicky, I know it's not Nicky; he's got too much heat on him to leave Vegas." That could only mean one thing: Lester.

Sam immediately gets back on the phone calling the police, the FBI agents he'd been in contact with, even Nicky, to try to find where Ginger and this pimp had taken his daughter. The FBI is very gracious in helping track down Ginger and Amy, quickly getting back to Sam with an address and phone number for where they are.

After a phone call with Lester that didn't really go anywhere, Sam is feeling helpless about what to do. He's so furious with Ginger, but he needs her to bring their daughter home. He sinks down into the couch when he looks at you desperately; he doesn't know what to do.

You quickly rush over and curl up next to him, taking the man in your arms, rubbing his shoulders for comfort. "How do I get her home? I just want Amy safe; she's not safe with that pimp, and clearly she's not safe with her mother anymore either."

"You're not gonna like to hear this, but I think Nicky is your best bet to get her back," you suggest.

He simply nods his head as he realizes you're right, then he picks up the phone to call his friend.

• • •

The next few days Sam and Ginger are walking on eggshells. It couldn't be more obvious that Ginger doesn't want to be home, but Sam had to know that Amy is safe. Since Ginger has to be home, Sam even tries being sweet to her again. He had tried to cuddle with her a few times, something they hadn't done in years, but she would just reject him each time, typically leaving the room. Sam is at his wits' end; he doesn't know what else to try with Ginger, what other approach he could take.

One night as Sam is about to leave the casino to head home, you follow him out to his car, "just to talk," you tell him. You hadn't seen him in days and you miss him.

"Hey, baby," Sam says wrapping an arm around your shoulder.

"Hey, honey. I missed you," you smile at him.

He hums, "I miss you too, and I'm sorry you're in the middle of all this... It's not fair to you."

"It's okay, Sam. You're the one who's in a tough spot here. I'm just here to support you and love you and... make you feel better..." you trail off as you squeeze his thigh, your fingers gracing past his crotch.

"Oh..." Sam says, giving you a cheeky look.

You slide your hand back and forth over the front of his pants, getting him hard, while you lightly kiss at his neck and ear. "You've just been so stressed lately, sweetie; let me help you relax."

When his breathing becomes heavy, you know he's ready for more, "Baby girl, I need your mouth on me, now." He lets out a groan when you open his pants and stroke him through his underwear.

You don't waste much time before you're going down on him, kissing his leaking member before taking it in your mouth. He looks down at you and tries to keep his breathing even; all this came on pretty suddenly so you've got Sam very worked up. He takes your hair in his hands, forming a make shift ponytail to keep your hair out your face. He also likes to watch your face bob up and down on his cock.

You hollow out your cheeks and Sam savors that intense sucking feeling. Between that and your tongue pressing against his tip, he can hardly contain himself. You wrap a hand around the base of his member, pumping what you can't take in your mouth.

Sam's hands push you down making you take as much of him as you can, and his breathing becomes labored, letting out little moans as he climaxes in your mouth.

You take down what you can and lick up any of the rest. You look up to see Sam giving you a look with raised eyebrows.

"I didn't want you to make a mess..." you say with a raspy voice as you wipe your lips.

He simply stares at you, as if he was still trying to make sense of what just happened, before he grabs your hair and pulls you into a rough kiss, tasting himself on your tongue. When he pulls away from you breathing heavily, he says, "Baby, you have no idea how bad I needed that. Thank you." He softens up and pulls you back towards him, this time laying your head in the crook of his neck.

Sam leaves you at the Tangiers and at home, walks into a nightmare: his kid is tied to her bed and his wife is nowhere to be found. Despite the flood of panic and anger that he feels, he keeps his wits about him and calls you to come get Amy; with you is the safest place for her right now while Sam searches for Ginger. You only see him for a quick moment, before he rushes out the door, leaving you to pack Amy a bag and take her to your house for a few days.

Sam knows Ginger is at Nicky's new restaurant; he had called before he left the house. His tires screech to a halt as he rolls up to the place of business.

After a run-in with Nicky at the door and a quiet altercation in the corner booth, where Sam definitely threatened Ginger's life for what she did to Amy, Sam managed to get his wife in the car. On the ride home, oddly, all Sam could think was, "Where does Nicky get off asking 𝘮𝘦 to be civil, when he's the one that always gets heat brought on us?"

It's probably just a temporary distraction from elephant in the room, or car, in this case.

Sam has to admit: he's at his wits' end with Ginger. He'd be lying if he said he hadn't thought about leaving her or kicking her out. But when they walk into the house, and he sees the apologetic look in his wife's eyes, whether honest or manipulative, one thought crosses his mind, "She's the mother of my child."

How could he walk out on her? He had promised she'd be taken care of, and even though he really only meant financially, his big heart wouldn't allow him to hurt her.

She doesn't care what he does; she won't be bothered as long as she gets the money she's promised.

"Come on, honey, let's go to bed," Sam says softly, taking his wife's hand. They take a few steps together before the man stops and turns to her; he places his hands on her sides, seeing if she'll hug him. When she does, sadly, it leaves Sam with a shred of hope for their relationship.

• • •

Sam had been exhausted, so he went to bed with the promise that Ginger would meet him there after she gets a shower. However, when Sam wakes up, seeing the time on the clock and the other half of his bed empty; he's immediately filled with suspicion.

At 3:03 A.M., he finds himself sneaking down the hallway--sneaking... in his own house. He shakes his head and quietly shuffles down the hallway towards the living room, where he can hear Ginger's voice moving at a rapid and excited pace.

"I don't care- I don't care!! I want that fucker dead! I want him dead! And that little slut too!! Sleeping in my bed- No! No, I will not calm down... I want a hit on that bitch, that way he can 𝘩𝘶𝘳𝘵! The same way he hurt me!" Ginger snarls and sobs into the phone.

Sam's heart sank. The thought of losing you--no, he couldn't think about that right now; he simply springs into action, grabbing the phone from Ginger's hands. "Who's this?" he demands to the person on the other end of the line, before slamming the phone down only a second later as Ginger leaps up, practically attacking Sam by pounding her balled up hands against his chest and arms.

"You want me dead, huh? You want me outta the picture?!" his voice booms as she starts to wrestle with him, crying and screaming. "Come with me, come on!" He gets her flailing hands undercontol and drags her down the hallway; Ginger's feet come out from under her, and he just keeps dragging her, both of them yelling at each other.

"I hate you!!! I hate your guts!" Ginger shouts at Sam from where she's laying on the floor of their walk in closet, her face red from crying.

"I know, you evil bitch! What did I ever do to you, huh? I tried to love you and look where it got me..." He slaps a duffle bag down on her lap.

"What's this?" she asks.

He follows it with a pile of clothes, gorgeous, expensive fabrics hitting the floor, "Get your shit, and get out," Sam growls, fire and pain in his eyes.

"You can't kick me out, you can't put me out on the street with no money!!!" She jumps up and starts grabbing expensive clothes.

"Money's all you care about, huh?" he questions, bending down to a shoe box under his clothes; he pulls out all that would fit in his hands, bringing it over to her on the floor. "Is this enough?? You'll probably blow through this in a week!" He dumps the cash in her lap, storming off from her to rip more of her clothes off hangers.

"You can't abandon me!! You told me I'd be taken care of! If you kick me out, I'll go take all my jewelry out the bank!!" she threatens.

He grabs her set of keys, taking her house key off the ring, leaving her with car keys and her bank keys. "And I will not stop you," Sam says, almost calmly.

He knew the key to his millions was still in his desk drawer upstairs, she'd only be leaving with the key to what's hers. He'd been feeling unsure about walking out on her, but Sam made his decision the moment Ginger threatened your life.

• • •

For the next week, you and Sam were waiting for the ball to drop and for Ginger to come storming through that door. But in another way, Sam didn't care; he had you over all the time, even when people came over. He started to put his hands on your waist or even kiss you in front of others. It made you so nervous the first time he kissed you in front of Nicky, but Sam knew what he was doing. Nicky couldn't run to anyone about it, because what Nicky had done was worse in the eyes of the Midwest bosses: sleeping with his best friend's wife, their precious "Golden Jew."

But that isn't the reason Nicky's here right now.

"Ace, they took the bosses in. Arrested every single one of 'em. The FBI knows what's going on, all of it, but they ain't got nothing on me or you, because we don't go in room where they count the money. That doesn't mean they won't question us though."

And boy did they. Sam was already irritated that his name was in the paper every time Nicky went to court for some crime, but now it was coming out that him and Nicky were both being held for questioning for the crime bust in the Midwest.

Nicky pretty much refused to give them anything, but Sam had a reputation with the law and a relationship with the FBI out here. They had helped him get his kid back after all. So, he didn't give them any new information, but he didn't mind confirming certain things they already knew, as long as it didn't incriminate him.

Because of his cooperation, the authorities left Sam alone after a little while. Most of the attention was on Nicky and what his connections were to the Midwest bosses and the casino. Somehow Nicky got himself out of it without getting arrested; Sam had to wonder if it was Nicky's rambling or his threats that did the trick.

Weeks went by, and it was clear that the casino was going down. It wasn't for trying though. Sam fought so hard to keep his precious establishment running, but the place had been riddled with scandals. And even with the bosses facing trial, the powers that be decided to get rid of the whole scam; Sam losing The Tangiers would just be a necessary evil to them.

Sam decided it was a better time than ever to leave the business behind. Besides, he'd never been into crime the way Nicky was; he'd just been pulled into this because he was a money maker.

So as Sam walks out of the casino for the last time, locking the doors to the completely empty building, he lights a cigarette and heads over to his car with only one thing on his mind: going home to you and Amy. Unfortunately, he won't make it home as soon as he would have liked, as his car goes up in flames from a car bomb that must've been rigged while he was inside the casino.

Sam had planned for this kind of thing though, and he had the manufacturers of the vehicle place a special metal plate under the passenger seat, giving him a few valuable seconds to save his life.

You get the call during Sam's ambulance ride to the hospital. At first you're devastated--why would anyone want to hurt your Sam? Before you could find to a conclusion, you quickly snap out of it, getting Amy into the car to get to the hospital.

"Mr. Rothstein-"

"I told you, I don't want-

"Mr. Rothstein, we think it's important that we run this test," the doctor speaks over Sam. Must be an important test for him to interrupt Ace Rothstein.

"I'm fine!" your boyfriend groans, "My arm is burned, but I feel fine."

"But sir, it's possible the adrenaline in your system-"

"Sam Rothstein!" You cut the doctor off, storming in with Amy on your hip.

"Hey, baby!" he holds a hand out towards you.

"Don't you 'baby' me. I know you're not arguing with this doctor, refusing medical advice!! You don't just have yourself to worry about here, you have me and Amy- and I swear to God, Sam Rothstein if you die on me, you'll have more than heaven and hell to worry about! You'll have me to answer to," you finish your rant with a stern look.

His face drops for a moment before a little smirk forms, "You're sexy when you're mad."

Ignoring him, you turn to his doctor, "Run any tests you need to. I'll deal with him." You pat the doctor on his tie.

"Yes, ma'am, Mrs. Rothstein," the doctor says as you walk away, giving them room to do what they need to do.

"Oh, we're not married... yet," Sam explains, scrunching his nose cutely at you.

"Well I'm not gonna be the one to tell her that," the doctor says under his breath.

As they wheel Sam out of the room to take him for some tests, you hear Amy's voice, "Why are you mad at daddy?"

"I'm not mad at daddy," a little chuckle leaves you and you hug the child close to you, "I just love him, and so I had to make him listen to the doctors."

• • •

You pick Sam up just a few days later, perfectly fine, except for some burns on his arm. He sits in the passenger seat of your car with a pile of things from the hospital: his coral pink suit in a plastic bag, burned in a few spots from the bomb, a folder with some information about caring for his burns, a packet full of bandages and prescription ointment, and a large yellow envelope.

"Now, don't be mad," Sam starts.

"What did you do?" you glare at him for a second before turning your eyes back to the road.

"I, uh, got a real estate agent to start looking for new homes for us."

"Sammy, why would I be mad about that? We practically live together already!"

"These homes--they're not in Las Vegas."

"What?!" you practically give him whiplash, pulling the car into a random parking lot. "You wanna leave Las Vegas? Sam, I grew up here..."

He looks down at his lap and back up at you, "I know," it comes out so quietly, "I just don't think we're safe here anymore... I'm not in the business anymore, I'm but afforded the same protections as I used to be. What if they come after you next? Or Amy? Right now, I know enough people that we could get out quietly..."

"Oh, Sam..." You cup his face in your hands, "I'm sorry I reacted like that, I'm scared too, and now I have a kid to worry about. I know she's not mine yet, but if anything happened to Amy-" You have to stop yourself before you cry.

"Here," he says, grabbing the yellow envelope, "I gave some pictures of some houses, and there's one I really like."

Instead of driving your boyfriend home, you sit in the car looking at pictures of beautiful homes, and daydreaming about where how you'll arrange the living room, where you'll put the bed, Amy playing in the backyard.

"Hey, look at this last one," he tells you.

"Is this the one you like?"

"Yeah," his face has a happy, soft smile as he thinks about moving into this house with you; he just knows it's perfect.

"Hmmm... San Diego, huh? 4 bedrooms and a mother-in-law suite. Sam we don't need 4 bedrooms," you look up at him.

He gently places his hand on your belly, "We might."

Your heart just melts... Even if you aren't sure about kids, clearly the thought makes him happy.

"Okay so there's a pool and a lot of grass, maybe we could put a trampoline there..."

• • •

Boxes are scattered all around your new home; you picked the one in San Diego, of course. It's completely perfect.

The movers had dropped off all the big furniture and help you set it up; Sam even got them to help set up Amy's trampoline, and he was so thrilled to surprise her with it. But it will be a few more days before the decorators can come to paint, unpack, and lay out the rest. Nothing but luxury for Sam Rothstein and his "wife."

Right now, Sam is dropping Amy off at the neighbor's house for a play date, so she can get to know the kids in the area. Of course, you two had been sure to meet with this couple first to scope them out, making sure they are safe for Amy to be around.

The plan is to get some unpacking done when your man gets home, but you thought it might be nice to spend some quality alone time together in your new home.

"Honey, I'm home!" Sam chimes at the front door; it makes him so happy to be able to say that. Sam stops at the door to look around for you.

You saunter down the hallway, wearing a black trench coat and bright red high heels, "Hey, sexy!"

"Mmmm," Sam moans, "I think I should be saying that to you. What's this, baby?"

You stop just out of his reach and untie your jacket, holding it open to show off a new set of candy red lacy lingerie, "Just a little..." you turn around and drop the coat to the floor, revealing a big red bow at the top of your ass, "house warming present." You throw him a sultry look over your shoulder before walking into the kitchen, heels clicking loudly on your new porcelain floor.

Sam pulls his jaw up off the floor and quickly follows, watching as you crawl up onto the marble-top kitchen island. He walks over, appreciating your body by rubbing his hands on your sides, eyes roaming the red fabric hugging your frame. You rake your hands through his hair, and pull him into you, landing his face right between your breasts, which he seems very okay with judging by the way he closes his eyes and starts kissing at them. He wraps his arms around your waist, trying to pull you off the counter.

"Oh no, sir, Mr. Rothstein, you're not taking me to that bedroom. If we're gonna break this house in, we're gonna do it my way. What's that thing you like to say?" You look up acting like you're trying to remember, "There are three ways of doing things around here: the right way, the wrong way, and the way that I do it..."

You practically yank him up onto the counter with you, his legs fumbling with the bar stools to help get him up there. Before Sam can even get his bearings straight, you have his back pinned against the marble, your lips taking his in a passionate, sloppy kiss.

Sam pushes you off of him, breathing heavily, "Damn, baby girl, where's this coming from? Not that I'm complaining."

"Well, my sexy, rich sugar daddy just bought me a nice, new house, and I just wanna thank him," you nuzzle into him.

"Sugar daddy, huh? Is that all I am to you?" he gives you a loving look, both of you smiling at his joke.

"Oh, yes, Mr. Moneybags..." You sit up and stretch a leg across his lap straddling him. As you grind your hips back and forth against his hard on, you both let out some light moans and hot sighs. His belt buckle makes some clinking noises as you unhook it before swiftly tugging it from his belt loops and dropping it to the floor.

Zip! You open his pants and pull them down just a few inches so you can return to grinding against his member through a much thinner layer of fabric. When Sam's fingers snake towards his groin so he can further please himself, he's met with a harsh smack on the hand.

"All the pleasure you feel is gonna come from me, got it?" you tell Sam.

He raises his eyebrows, surprised by this change that's overcome you, but down for the ride--literally. The pressure of his hardness against your clit is a great warm up for you, so you keep at it until Sam has a couple of wet spots on his underwear: one from you and one from his pre-cum soaking through.

At that point, you move off of him enough to pull his pants and boxer briefs down to his upper thighs, his erection springing free. You crawl back on top of him, pinning his wrists to the counter just above his head while you kiss him. You pull away, stroking his chin and swiping your thumb across his lips.

"Ready, baby?" you ask, kissing his cheek lightly.

"I- uhhh, yeah," he breathes out.

"Cat got your tongue, silly?" you giggle.

"No, I just, I've never -uh- had a girl top me quite like this," he explains.

"Oh, um, should I stop?" you ask innocently as you grind against his dick again.

"NO- no. I, um... You shouldn't stop."

The way Sam is fumbling through the conversation tells you that he probably likes the treatment he's being given, and so you move your hips against him a few more times before moving your panties to the side and guiding his member to your entrance. Your boyfriend let's out a low groan when he feels that warm wetness surround his sex; you think that's probably his favorite part of making love.

You start by setting a leisurely pace, knowing Sam will want more, but, gosh, the tease is so satisfying too...

"Please, baby," Sam breathes.

"Please what?" you play dumb.

"Go faster... Please, baby." So predictable of him.

"Mmmm, you mean you don't like when I take my time with you?" You speed up juuuust a little bit, but not nearly as much as he would've liked.

"I thought I was in charge in the bedroom," he groans.

"Well, we're not in the bedroom are we?" You lean down to kiss him, pinning his hands down again, next to his shoulders this time. You continue to hold them down while you pick up the pace, leaving Sam feeling a bit helpless as he can't touch you.

You take a little break from all the bouncing to slide back and forth, achieving a new kind of friction. Sam curls his hips up into you, clearly enjoying the sensation.

"Let me touch you, please?" Of course you're going to give in, but not without hearing him beg a little more. No one has this kind of control over Sam "Ace" Rothstein; no one but you. "Babyyy... Please, you know I like to hold you."

He gets nothing but silence in response, oh, and your hips working even faster, which only serves to make him more needy. "(Y/N), please... please, baby, I wanna hold you so bad."

You let go of his wrists and intertwine your first with his for a moment before his hands move to your face to cup your cheek. Afterwards, his palms smooth over your chest and arms; he's looking up at you: your pretty face, soft skin, the way your hair bounces along with your breasts as you ride him.

His hips become less tame the closer he gets to his climax. He's a man who just can't help himself; he likes to be in on the action, even if he isn't on top.

You lean yourself back, placing your palms on the cool countertop, giving him a great angle to attack your g-spot. Sam's hands roam your thighs until you find your rhythm with the changed position, but once he knows he's hitting the right spots, his fingers dive in to stimulate you from the outside as well. One hand pinches and rubs your nipple while the other sets a dangerous speed on your clit.

Despite you trying to have so much control over him, Sam just knows exactly what buttons to push on you, and you're cumming in a matter of seconds. The way it snuck up on you causes you to bend forward as your orgasm pulses through you.

The man beneath you takes advantage of this by pulling you flush to his chest, bracing his feet on the counter top, and railing up into you as fast as he can. You turn into nothing but a noisy mess as he uses your body to get off.

"Fuck, baby, I'm cumming..." Sam finds his release before he even realizes it; he just feels so tangled up and lost in the pleasure of being with you.

A few seconds later, you both find yourselves lying on the kitchen island, completely limp and trying to catch your breath. Sam lazily rolls onto his side, rolling you onto the marble counter beside him. Goosebumps litter your skin as the cold countertop comes in contact with you. You both lay on the counter, staring at each other before you both brsk out into giggles.

"I can't believe you let me fuck you on this thing," you laugh, patting the marble, "and I can't believe you let me fuck you... Like that. I wasn't being too much, was I?"

Sam tucks himself back into his pants, zipping them up and buttoning them before wrapping an arm around your waist. "What? You being a little dominatrix? No, I don't think it was too much," he nuzzles his nose against yours and gives you a few soft kisses. "But," he starts, "the only woman allowed to have me like that is Mrs. Sam Rothstein..."

"Well, uh- that's not me..." you say, a little confused.

"It could be," he says in a low, soft voice, "Whaddya say? You wanna marry me?"

"Sam-" you start to feel overwhelmed for a few reasons: 1. He literally just proposed to you, but 2. "You're still married, Sam. I couldn't be your wife even if I wanted to!" Tears start to form in your eyes.

"Hey, hey, hey, shhh..." he says, pulling you into a cuddle, "You remember when I flew back to Vegas last week to go close the sale on the house there?"

You sniffle and look up at him, "Mm-hmm."

"Well I ran into one of the judges that used to come by the casino all the time, he was a big spender, but we treated him real nice. He told me he had heard everything from his friends on the force, everything about Ginger and the car bombing. We talked for a while, and he told me to stop by his chambers before I left the city," Sam fishes in his pocket for some folded up papers, "and he gave me this."

He hands you the papers to unfold and look at. "Oh... Oh, Sam! He granted you a divorce. Why didn't you tell me??"

"I wanted to surprise you..." He smiles that charming smile.

"Well, I'm certainly surprised," you hug him by nuzzling into his chest, "I didn't even know you were considering this yet."

"I've been considering it for years, honey," he whispers, kissing you on the temple, "ever since I told you I love you."

You both pause to simply take in the other person for a moment: Sam's clothes all disheveled and your still in your lingerie, cuddling on the stone counter.

"You know I think you're perfect, right? If there was just one thing I could change about you, it would be your last name. So, whaddya think, princess? You wanna try Rothstein on for size?"

The tears quickly return to your eyes, "Yeah, yeah- yes!" You grab his face and start kissing him over and over.

He can hardly pull you off of him for all the kisses, not that he wants to. However, when you decide you're done loving on your fiancé, he apologizes, "I'm sorry I don't have a ring for you right now, but ummm," he reaches for his little pinky ring; it's gold and pink to match his outfit for that day, "you can wear this for now." He slips the piece of metal onto your left ring finger; it doesn't fit that well, but you're honored to wear it.

Sam sits up, sliding off the counter. He stands at the edge of the island, pulling you towards him and wrapping your legs around his waist. He cups your head in both his hands and kisses you softly. "Wanna go to 'break in' the bathtub, Mrs. Rothstein?"

[pascalpanic]

Alpha Beta Charlie- A Frankie Morales Story

Summary: Frankie is a lonely man with a big heart. His life changes when a new girl comes into his life.

W/C: 4.1k

Warnings: This one is a little heavy. Lots of language, talk of poor mental health (Frankie has depression and anxiety), Frankie’s recovering from a coke addiction, alcohol is prevalent here, harm to animals, lots of talk of blood and injuries.

A/N: This story is different than I normally write. There’s no reader in the story, this is just a story about Frankie Morales and a moment in his life. Please note that this is darker as it centers around an injured animal. Be warned of that. P.S. some of my friends might see ur names in here :) thank u to all of my friends who helped me pick Charlie’s name, and to @ilikechocolatemilkh who helped me create this whole story!

Frankie Morales is a kindhearted man. Anyone who meets him knows it instantly. He’s got a wonderful laugh that’s warm and inviting, and it’s often on display to anyone who chats with him for more than a few seconds. He’s caring, it’s clear, with big brown eyes that radiate compassion. 

His friends would describe him more as an idiot. Frankie, who they call Catfish from their days in the military, insists that they’re the idiots. He’s the voice of reason in their group, making the rational decisions and de-escalating fights within their group. 

That’s not to say Frankie is entirely sunshine and rainbows. He’s now several months sober from a long and grueling addiction to cocaine. It ruined him: it took away his pilot’s license, his everything in life. Flying helicopters was Frankie’s passion, but he’s recovering. He’s on the right track.

He had a girlfriend, who became his fiancée, and left him not long after he returned home from a dangerous mission in South America. It didn’t matter anyway; her child, who Frankie had dedicated all of his heart to before the birth, was revealed to be another man’s. As much as she resented him for taking the mission, he resented her for cheating and lying and holding the information back.

So now Frankie lives on his own. He resides out in a more rural town, not far from where Benny has his weekly fights and Will (also known as Ironhead) works with young military recruits. It’s been a couple of months, and it’s hard to be alone. Santiago pops into town once or twice a month, and it’s always the highlight of Frankie’s very being. His best friend brings light and laughter into his life. When he leaves again, Frankie’s small home feels massive and quiet.

He plays lots of CDs. He has bluetooth speakers all around the home and blasts his favorite songs. He’s learned how to cook and clean and has even learned how to bake a decent, basic version of a nice loaf of bread. He works as a mechanic at a shop in his small town’s center, working the odd hours that no one else wants, the hours where others want to be home with their families.

He’d considered different options to make the house more home-like, more welcoming. He tried his hand at gardening, only to find that he had the opposite of a green thumb. He painted the walls a warmer color, then painted them again. He was currently considering changing the colors for the third time. He’d burn candles that he thought smelled nice. He’d hung up a few photos of him and his friends, or his family. Nothing really worked.

A typical night for Frankie held one of two patterns:

-Night A: Frankie gets home from the shop at about 7:30, hands covered in grease and smelling of burnt motor oil. He gets in the shower and cleans up, then either ends up at Benny’s arena to cheer him on, or at the bar with both Miller brothers.

-Night B: Frankie gets home at the same time. He showers to clean himself, simply because he hates leaving smudges over his home. He cooks a nice dinner or orders takeout. He eats it on the couch and watches a new Netflix series. He gets sad and feels alone and drinks a beer, then a few more, to drown the sensation. He goes to bed early and calls into the shop to see if any of the morning shift workers want to go home early, because he can come in an hour or two before his shift. He claims it’s for the overtime pay. It’s really to avoid the loneliness.

Frankie likes patterns. He likes routine. It’s soothing. Maybe it’s a remnant of his military days, where not a second would pass without having a title affixed to the very second he was living in. Predictability made the hurt easier.

Tonight was an A Night. Frankie and the Miller brothers sat at the bar of McCreary’s and talked about everything and nothing at once. Will talked about the new girl he was seeing. Benny made lewd comments. Frankie smacked his arm and ordered another round for the other two, then nursed one beer for the entire night.

Winters were the worst for Catfish. He lived in the South, where snow was uncommon, but the dreary February weather stole whatever energy he could muster up and sent it up to join the gray masses that hung in the sky, yet never shed their raindrops. It gets dark early, another thing Frankie hates. It reminds him of the look on Tom’s face when he died. Of the way his bachelor home never made sounds unless he created them. Of the way the craving for one more hit of that devious white powder felt, the way it scrambled his brain until he thought it was the only thing that could take it away. 

This A Night, which also happened to be an especially chilly Tuesday, Frankie drove home from the bar at 12:21. The backroads that lead from the suburbs out to the rolling hills are dark, with a rare streetlight or two illuminating a fork in the road that led to a house. The radio droned on, some old Waylon Jennings song that was threatening to send Frankie into a fit of rage and smash a fist into his dashboard. He turned off the radio instead.

Another car drove the opposite way, far in the distance. He could see the lights approaching, then dim slightly. Frankie turned off his brights, instead allowing the road to be illuminated just by his front headlights. He turns up the heat in his truck as a shiver runs down his spine.

Something is running across the road. Frankie can see it now. It’s far from him, but visible in the other car’s light. He slams on his brakes, his body jerking forward.

The other car doesn’t slow.

He slams his horn several times, for whatever is in the road and the other driver.

The thing doesn’t move.

The car doesn’t slow.

The car and the creature- oh fuck, it’s an animal- collide.

Everything that happens next is too quick. The car stops for a moment. Frankie whips the truck into park and turns on his hazards.

The other car stops for a moment. Frankie can just make out a silhouette inside. He gets out of his truck, eyes wide and frantic. He runs to the animal’s side.

The car drives off.

Dust swirls across the road as the car’s tail lights fade into the distance. Leaving just Frankie and his truck and the mangled mess of fur and blood.

“Fucker!” Frankie screams after the car. “You fuckin’ bastard! You didn’t even check, you motherfucker!”

He gets closer and realizes it’s a dog. Its fur is white and brown and so painstakingly red with its own blood, and it whimpers and cries and Frankie realizes the poor fucking thing is still alive. Whether it’s his caretaking or his military instincts that kick in, Frankie isn’t sure, but before he knows it he’s ripping off his jacket and picking up the poor poor baby, oh you little angel, he coos to it, wrapping it in the denim and setting it in his passenger seat.

It’s still whimpering and crying, and Frankie gets in the driver’s seat and grabs his phone. “Nearest 24-hour pet hospital,” he shouts into it, hands shaking. He doesn’t realize either reaction is happening. It gets the words wrong. “No, fuck,” he groans, shifting the truck into drive and whipping a U-turn. He types in the words as he starts to speed back in the direction of the town. He knows he shouldn’t text and drive and normally he doesn’t, but he’s a fucking former military helicopter pilot, he rationalizes with himself, he can handle this. He finds the directions and types them in and tears start dripping from his eyes.

“Hang in there, buddy, hey,” he says and rubs the poor dog’s big ears as they drive. “It’s gonna be 30 minutes. Think you can hang on for me?” he asks it, not expecting a response. He wants to check the dog’s sex but now is certainly not the time, not while he’s doing 85 in a 60 zone and the dog’s blood is seeping into his denim jacket and his passenger seat.

The tears are flowing freely from his eyes now, his heart breaking. He can feel the animal’s shallow breaths as he drives, and he sobs to himself. “Hang on, buddy. It’s gonna be okay, I gotcha. I’m Frankie,” he introduces himself to the dog, “and I’m gonna take real good care of you. You’re gonna be alright and we’re gonna get you fixed up and back to your owners.”

The drive takes 24 minutes when Frankie is flying down the backroads. Fuck if a cop sees him. Fuck blowing a tire. That can be cared for later, when there’s not a dying creature next to him. A steady murmur of ‘it’s okay’ spills from Frankie’s lips. He’s not sure if he’s saying it to the dog or himself. One hand firmly grips the steering wheel and the other never leaves the animal’s body. He comforts the poor creature, murmuring more reassurances the closer they get. 

“Please hang in there for me, cariño,” Frankie whimpers, chewing his bleeding lip. “I gotcha. It’s all gonna be alright, bud.”

When he sees the hospital, he drives a little faster. He pulls into the emergency room area and parks in front of the door, turning on his hazards and running inside. There are a few veterinary nurses inside and they greet him, but their looks turn to fear when they see the denim-wrapped animal. “Please, please, Idon’tknowthisisn’tmydogitwasahitandrunandIpickeditup-”

“It’s alright, sir, come with us. Please breathe and tell us again,” a kind woman tells him with a hand on his arm, rushing him and the dog back. Frankie calms down after a moment and explains what happened. “It’s not my dog, I don’t know whose dog this is, you gotta check it for a chip-” he rambles.

“It’s alright, sir,” the nurse tells him kindly and takes the dog from his arms. Frankie clutches after it and a new woman pushes his arms down. “We’re going to take it back and operate on it. Would you please wait here for us? We’ll come give you updates as we get them,” she tells him, gesturing to the waiting room. He nods. “And is this your dog’s first time here?” She asks.

The tears come back, choking his throat as water falls steadily from his eyes. “It’s not even my fuckin’ dog, man,” he whimpers, worrying his lip between his teeth again.

The woman is still kind. “I see. Please, sit, Mr….”

“Morales,” he manages out.

She nods. “Mr. Morales. I understand you’re worried. Please just wait in here for us and we’ll bring you information when we have it.” He nods softly, grabbing a tissue from the front desk. He wipes his eyes and nose. “My truck is parked right outside, it’s in the way, I’ll go park it somewhere else,” he tells her.

“That’s perfectly fine, sir. You can even leave and come back if you’d like.” He shakes his head. “I’ll be right back,” he tells her and walk-jogs outside, getting in his car and bringing it around to park.

-

Frankie enters the emergency room again and sits in a chair. He worries and worries for hours, texting his group chat with the Millers and Santiago. He gives them a play-by-play, but only Santiago responds. He sits awake for another hour, nervously wringing his ball cap.

The dog must be alive, or at least be able to save, he rationalizes with himself. After a while, the worry fades and he falls asleep. Two hours later, no other patients around to disrupt him, he’s woken by the nurse who took the dog back. “Mr. Morales?” She calls out gently.

He jumps awake. “Yeah, yeah, that’s me.” He sits up from his slumped state, readjusting the cap from where it had been resting over his eyes.

The nurse smiles softly at him and sits in a chair across the waiting room from him. “The dog is safe now. We had to amputate her front left leg, and she had a lot of stitches, but she’s stable and looks like she’ll do well.” He lets out a sigh and her smile becomes more genuine. “You told us she isn’t yours?”

She. The dog is a girl. Of course she is, Frankie smiles a little. The smile falls as he remembers the fact again. “No, no. It was a hit and run. I saw it happen, the other guy took off, it wasn’t me who hit her, I’m-”

“Mr. Morales.”

“Right. No, she’s not mine.”

The nurse nods and writes that down. “Well, we scanned her several times. She has no chip, no identifiers at all. Our options now are to send her to some rescue or kennel of some sort, or you can take her home with you.”

His heart breaks at the image of the sweet dog in the front seat of his car going somewhere without daily love and affection. “She’ll come with me,” he answers before he can rationally think about it.

“Wonderful,” she nods, marking that down as well. “She’s looped up now on some drugs. We’ll let her sleep them off for a bit and then she’s all yours. We do have some procedures we’ll need you to follow, for caring for the wound and such. But after that, it should be all good. You’re free to head out now. We can call you when she wakes up.”

Frankie nods. “Yeah. Yeah, that would be great.” He looks down at his watch and notices how early in the morning it is. “Thanks,” he tells her with a genuine smile, taking off his cap and running his hands through his hair before replacing it.

- From that moment on, Frankie was enamored with the dog. He called in from work when the shop opened bright and early at 6:00 A.M. 

“Hey Carol. It’s Morales.”

“You can stop asking if you can come in early, Frank. Just do it,” the woman chuckles on the other line. A loud slurp is audible- it’s the coffee she’s always drinking, the dark sludgy shit that she brews in the break room that Frankie can’t stand but she absolutely adores.

“No, uh. Actually, I was calling in to see if someone else could cover for me today.” He explains the whole story to her, wringing his cap between his hands. “So. I was kind of hoping I could take the day to look for the dog’s owners and care for her.”

There’s a beat of silence over the phone. “Of course, Frankie,” the older woman says kindly. “You got a real big heart, kid. Real big. That’s awful kind.”

He smiles a little. “Just doing what I can. Thanks, Carol.”

“Keep me posted, Catfish.” The woman hangs up.

Frankie’s in more comfortable clothes now. He didn’t sleep at all once he got home, waiting for the hospital’s call. He distracts himself, cooking a breakfast he only picks at, watching his new series halfheartedly on the couch.

The animal hospital calls him again at 7:30. He gets off the couch immediately and into the truck. There’s a bit of blood on the passenger seat, from where the dog wasn’t immediately covered by his jacket. It’s not a worry, though, he thinks to himself. He’ll get some stain remover and maybe a new and nicer jacket. 

When he arrives, they usher him back to a check-up room. The dog is lying down but she wags her tail at Frankie, looking up at him with big brown eyes that could rival his own. “Hey, sweet thing,” he calls softly, and the dog stands and walks over to him. It’s pained, that much is clear, but she’s already adjusting to walking with one less limb. She rests her head on Frankie’s lap and he scratches her ears gently. 

Some paperwork is filled out and Frankie leads the dog out to his truck with the leash and collar the hospital provided. He lifts her into the passenger seat and she snuggles in. The scent is familiar to her. 

Frankie drives her to a pet store nearby, smiling over at her. She looks at ease with him, relaxed and trusting. Of course she is. This is the man who saved her. 

He helps her down once they arrive and leads her inside. Her walking is pained, he can tell. “Aw, honey,” he frowns. There are carts right inside; Frankie sees the immediate solution. He scoops her up and sets her in a cart. Her tongue hangs out happily as they go through the store. “We’re gonna get you all kinds of fun stuff, huh?” He asks, scratching her head. 

Frankie spares no expense for the dog. As they cross through the store, the cart fills: bags of food and treats, a new leash, and a pink collar decorated with donuts “because you’re such a sweetie, right cutie?”, doggie bags, and food and water dishes. Finally they reach the toy aisle. “Do you wanna pick your own toy?”

He picks her up and sets her down on the ground, unclipping her leash to allow her to explore the toy aisle. She meanders, sniffing toys here and there, even considering one big bone. A few moments later, she comes tottering back to the cart with a toy in her mouth. It’s a big plush hedgehog.  Frankie grins. “Aw, that’s a good one! Good choice, cutie.” He kisses her head as he puts her back in the cart. 

They check out and drive home, and Frankie allows her to wander inside. “Welcome home. At least for now. I suppose I should put an ad out for you online.” 

The dog doesn’t respond, just wanders around the house, sniffing the furniture warily and looking back at Frankie. Asking if he’s coming. He smiles and leads her to the couch, sitting down on it. “I know they say you shouldn’t let dogs on the furniture, but I think you and I can share.” She jumps up and Frankie praises her, giving her a smooch and earning a big lick in return. “Oh, pretty girl, I think you’ll like it here,” he coos to her. She snuggles into his side with a sigh and Frankie sighs too. 

Over the next few days, he posts ads for her, but no one responds. He reaches out to people from the area he was driving in, but no one responds. After Day 4 of searching, there’s no response and he allows himself to sigh in relief. “You’re mine now, baby girl,” he coos to the dog, who’s happily panting and grinning. 

During the first week, Frankie tries out different names for her. None of them seem to stick. He wonders if she ever even had a name before. Ada, Lucille, Thea, Sunny, Miki, Zulu, Fox, Pancake. None of them work right for her personality. 

It’s not until late one night when Frankie’s coke cravings decide upon a name for her. 

It’s 2:24 in the morning and Frankie is quaking like a leaf. The dog is cuddled up into his side on the bed. Wherever he goes around the house, she follows. He’s biting his lip so hard it’s drawing blood. Normally when he’s this anxious, when he yearns to call his dealer, he rides it out by balling his fists so tight his knuckles turn white. But his dog seems to notice. 

She rests her chin on his hip, wagging her tail against the mattress with a steady thump. She whines quietly. She knows. 

Frankie’s at least momentarily distracted. “Hey, beautiful, what’s wrong?” He asks her, scratching his head and rolling over to pet her. He’s still desperate but the focus shifts from the sensation of one last hit to the feeling of her soft fur beneath his fingers. She sighs happily and snuggles into Frankie’s side, and he starts to cry. 

No one has ever needed him. Not his plants: they’re succulents. He deals with them once every other week. Not his former fiancée. She didn’t need him, just liked him for his money and his dick late at night. Not his friends. They had other friends to go to. No, this dog needs him, and it makes his heart feel like it’s going to burst. 

Sitting up, Frankie turns on the television. He hits a random button to choose a channel, and Princess and the Frog comes on. He chuckles a little. “How about Tiana?” He asks his dog and scratches her ears. She doesn’t react. 

It’s near the beginning of the movie. The relaxing music soothes him as the movie starts. The dog lies with her head on his thigh, happily receiving scratchies from her new father. Her head perks up when she hears a shrill noise from the television: Tiana’s best friend in her puffy pink dress. 

“It’s okay, it’s okay baby. It’s just Charlotte.”

Charlotte. Her ears perk up and she looks at him. “Charlotte?” He asks again, and she looks at him in confusion. “Do you like that one? How about Lottie?” No response. “Or Charlie?”

The dog pounces on him with her one front paw and licks his face. Frankie laughs happily scratching her sides. “Is that your name, pretty girl? Is your name Charlie?”

The answer, it seems, is yes.

It’s funny, Frankie thinks. Charlie is the third letter of the military alphabet, after Alpha and Beta.

Before Delta.

She would be, he realizes. She’s more important to him than his Delta Squadron guys. More important to him than the terrible things he did in the military. She comes before Delta.

And that’s how Charlie got her name. 

-

The guys finally came over to Frankie’s house on Night 9 of owning Charlie. 

All of the men are dog lovers, and Charlie takes to Benny quickly. He gives her her favorite kind of scratches: one hand behind the ear, one hand on the tummy. “Yeah, that’s a good tripod,” he teases her as he snuggles her. 

“Hey man, cut it out,” Frankie frowns and smacks his arm. “She’s insecure about it! Be nice.”

Santiago laughs. “Hey, you know what, Fish? This isn’t what I meant when I said that you should get a girl, but I’ll take it. Especially when she’s such a sweetie- oh hi, beautiful,” he coos as Charlie hops his way and licks his face. 

Frankie shakes his head. “Isn’t she a cutie?” He laughs happily as he watches his dog. “I tried posting ads for her, but no one answered. She’s such a sweetheart, potty trained and everything. I can’t believe I got so lucky.”

Benny grins. “And all because we asked you to get a beer and you caved and said yes.”

“What the hell do you mean caved, Ben? I get beers with you two fuckers three times a week,” he laughs and shakes his head. 

He’s been home alone with her all week, but he hasn’t felt as anxious as he normally does. Her companionship is all he needs, the way she snuggles up tight against him, the way her meal schedule motivates him to eat more. He has a purpose now. 

After the initial excitement, Charlie finds her place sitting at her dad’s feet, panting happily and looking around the room. “She fits in well,” Will nods and leans over as he scratches her head. “She’s the newest member of our group, I suppose.”

“She’s much less work than Fish. Maybe we replace him with her,” Santiago teases and Frankie flips him off, chuckling softly. 

This was a pattern that came to be known as the newly named C Night in Frankie’s head. These are the nights where they order a pizza or takeout and hang out in Frankie’s living room with Charlie. She’s the entertainer of the group, giving the men each some individual snuggles and wandering around the room. She’s funny, flopping onto her back at a human’s feet so that she can get tummy rubs, spending an absurd amount of time sniffing one specific spot on one man’s jeans. They all adore her. 

Life improves for Frankie when he has Charlie. He works shorter hours, spends time brushing her fur. He sleeps at better hours and cares for himself better as a result of caring for her. 

He takes her on a jog every morning. At first, he was nervous to do it. It’s been a long time since he’s been able to pass those Special Ops fitness tests. The thing that encourages him most is that Charlie is just the same speed as him. She runs along happily on three legs at the perfect pace for Frankie to match. 

Frankie lovingly refers to her as his copilot. She loves riding in the passenger seat of his truck, letting the wind from the open windows run through her fur. She gets excited when she hears the word truck and demands that Frankie snuggle her when they’re on a long drive. She even fell asleep on his lap once, with her face resting in the curve of the steering wheel.

Charlie is Frankie’s baby, and Frankie is her favorite human. The two of them are each other’s soulmates, Frankie thinks. His baby girl, his fluffy baby, his cuddlebug. His girl. His one true love is his dog, his Charlie. 

-

taglist:

@remmysbounty @mishasminion360 @softly-sad @blo0dangel @luxurybeskar @binarydanvvers @sleep-tight1 @apascalrascal

[buckys-other-punk]

What the Hell is The Catch?

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Reader

Summary: Steve and Y/N are forced by their friends to go out speed dating. Little did they know they would find their perfect match.

Warnings: alcohol, fluff, teasing and cussing

Word Count: 2.6K

A/N: HI I’m back!! First off, sorry @stuckonjbbarnes that this was late, I wanted to write this on time before the due date but my classes were literally beating my ass (BUT I did actually get inspiration for this fic idea by my stupid interpersonal relationships class so i guess that’s a win?) Anyways thank you for letting me join your writing challenge and ILY.  Second, hello again! Hopefully my writing is still worth reading lol, since I have free time I will try to write more and hopefully complete my WIPs. As always, please ignore my minor mistakes (i’m lazy to edit) and lemme know what you think of this fic!

Bucky and Sam had somehow convinced Steve to go on a speed dating event at a nearby bar. Steve wasn’t really in the mood to go out and mingle with horny women. All Steve wanted that night was to relax in bed and watch a movie about this group of people who dream hop (a/n: aka Inception lol i couldn’t think of an easier way to describe this movie). Steve sat on his bed ready to watch the movie then his friends bombarded his space about how lonely he is. As much as Steve wanted to brush the two off they annoyed him so much that he caved in. Now Steve was sitting at some bar with a pen and questionnaire in his hand.

Natasha and Wanda had somehow forced you to go on a speed dating event at your guys’ favorite bar. You, having no choice, rummaged through your closet looking for a good outfit. ‘At least I’ll be getting free drinks.’ saying to yourself. You picked out a black dress that has lace sleeves which accentuates your curves. Nat and Wanda of course approved the dress immediately, they gave you your red clutch and shoved you out the door.

You huffed as you got out of your cab staring at the bar dreading to ‘mingle’ with men. Walking into the bar a couple greeted you with obnoxious smiles.

“Hello! Welcome to our single’s speed dating night.” the woman said, handing you a name tag. You took note of her flashy diamond ring. You returned the smile and wrote a random name on the name tag. “Is this your first time, Twyla?” 

“Hmm?” you looked confused, then remembered your fake name. “Oh, Twyla! Me, I’m Twyla. Yes. sorry.” you replied.

“No need to be nervous dear.” the man next to her said. “We’re all here to have fun right?” he said with a smile looking around the area.

God, you hated being here already.”You two seem lovey-dovey. Did you two meet in one of these things?” you asked looking at the pair.

“Yes we did actually!” she said with a smile looking up at her man. “And just a few months later he proposed.” she added looking at her ring. You smiled then looked at the man, he looked behind you and quickly went back to his fiance. You turned slightly to “take in the area” and saw a woman with a flirtatious smile towards the man. 

Rolling your eyes and glancing back at the couple. You just wanted to get some free drinks and go back home. “Are the drinks free?” you asked the couple. 

“Yes, but-” the lady started to say but you waved her off grabbing the questionnaire on the table.

“That's all I need to hear. Thank you.” you said walking away from the pair and towards the bartender. “Hey, can I get a old fashioned please?” you asked the bartender who nodded and proceeded to make you drink. You scouted the area like you would on a mission and nobody was really peaking your interest. There was a woman who seemed right up your alley, but you had a feeling she wouldn’t swing your way. Sighing, you turned back to the bartender who handed you your drink. Taking a sip and pulling out your phone from your clutch you began texting the girls about how sad this event is and that you were ready to walk out.

“Can I have everyone’s attention please?” the lady from earlier said through the microphone in her hand. As you looked up from your phone you saw her fiance standing next to her with his own mic in his hand. His other hand holding the woman’s hand as he eyed a woman near him. 

‘Dear lord. He’s going to cheat on this poor woman.’ you said to yourself. You downed your drink and signaled the bartender for another one.

“We are going to ask the guys to pick a table with a number on it and stay there. Ladies please go to the table closest to you and begin talking with your partner. Once you guys hear this bell.” the lady’s boyfriend rang lightly. “You can move onto the next table going counter clockwise.” she added with a giddy smile.

“Alright love birds. Let’s get this thing started.” the man said to the crowd. You grabbed your drink and headed to the table closest to you. You saw the man who was seated at the table, on his phone not really caring about the event. He was wearing a leather jacket and dark shades. ‘This dude is a douche.’ you thought to yourself, downing your second drink as you stood across from him.

“So, you come here often?” he says not looking up from his phone.

“Oh god, no.” you replied with a fake southern accent. “I just came because my boyfriend turned into a mountain lion and tried to kill me.” you said politely looking at the man.

“Oh that’s nice.” he said but then realized what you said. “I’m sorry…” he began as he pushed his sunglasses a bit down to read your name tag. “Twyla? Did you say he turned into a mountain lion?” he looked at you concerned.

“OH, yes!” you said ever so sweetly. “You see, Caleb wanted me to join his cult and I refused. He got so angry that his eyes began to turn yellow and he started clawing at his face with his hands. Just when he finished turning into a mountain lion, the high priestess of his cult commanded him to capture me to be their sacrifice for their next meal.” you said with a straight face, looking dead into the man’s wide eyes. His mouth was hanging open, speechless. Just when he was about to ask you another question you both heard the bell. The man sighed in relief downing his drink as you waved goodbye to him and chuckled as you walked to the next table.

____________________________________

Steve was staring at his drink as a woman walked up to him. He noticed that this was the woman who was eying up the man who hosted the event. Steve smiled at the woman anyways as he introduced herself. He looked down at his questionnaire trying to figure out what to ask the lady. The woman who talked to him earlier just wanted a rebound and the woman before that didn’t even say anything to him.

“So, I noticed that you don’t really have any interest in being here.” he said kindly, looking at the woman.

“Yeah, I just did this so I can get my boyfriend’s attention.” she replied looking back at the male host.

“Your boyfriend seems to be a bit occupied.” Steve said as glanced at the man and back to the woman in front of him. “Are you sure he’s worth it sweetheart? I mean I don’t know your situation with him right now, but it seems that if he’s with that woman you’re not his main priority.” he added looking at the lady in remorse.

She looked up at Steve and pondered to herself. “You know, I think you’re right. I mean I’m practically his side chick when I want to be his main chick.” she said to Steve. “Thank you for making me realize that he’s not worth it and I should get my priorities straight, Steve. I’m sorry to leave you here alone, but I hope you find someone who deserves your kindness.” she said kindly, patting Steve's hand as she began to exit the bar.

__________________________________

You noticed the woman who the male host was staring at earlier left the bar. ‘Good for her. Realizing that man ain’t shit.’ you said to yourself as you downed your third old-fashioned. You wanted to change things up..so you ordered a long island iced tea. The man who was sitting in front of you was going off about his sex fantasies and how he was looking for the right woman to please him. The previous man you only talked about work and was completely monotone.

You were completely ignoring whatever he was saying and waited for your drink and the damn bell to ring. A waitress brought your drink over and you looked around the bar as the strange sex crazed man kept going off about his fantasies. Finishing your drink in one go, since you weren’t drunk enough for this, your prayers were finally answered as you saw the lady host ring the bell. She seemed to be looking for her fiancé who left the bar to run after the woman, but she didn’t know that. 

“Let’s make this next session a few minutes longer.” she said with a brief smile as she began to look for her fiancé. ‘Oh sweetie.’ you said to yourself feeling extra sorry for the woman. You grabbed a glass of champagne from a waiter that was walking around the bar and sipped the drink as you walked to the next table.

While walking over to the next table not really paying attention to the man seated there, you were thinking of another crazy lie to tell the poor soul. Maybe lie about how you believe that an alien had taken over your body this very night and that the alien was looking for someone to bring back to their home planet. Or maybe that you believe that the world will be destroyed in exactly 24 hours from now and that the only way to save it is to kill a man who was at this very event. That idea might be too dark, but might scare them off. 

As you approached the table you heard a familiar voice.

“Y/N?”

Looking up at the man in front of you in shock.  “Steve? What the hell are you doing here?” you asked the man.

“Well, Bucky and Sam kind of convinced me to come down here and find a girlfriend.” he answered. “Why are you here?”

Right when you were about to answer he stopped you. “Wait, let me guess. Free drinks? Don’t you already raid Stark’s liquor cabinet every weekend?” he said with a smile.

“Hey, fuck you Rogers. I’ll have you know I was forced to come here by Nat and Wanda.” you said sassily but paused. “But I mean you’re right anyways.” you added chuckling.

“I guess our friends thought the same about our love lives.” he said while taking a sip of his drink.

“Yeah? And what’s that?” you smiled at him.

“We don’t have any.” he chuckled and you laughed along with him.

“I mean, you do have a point there Rogers.” you giggled as you finished your drink. You waved the waitress down ordering another glass of champagne.

“How many have you had?” Steve said motioning at your empty glass.

“I don’t know like 3 or 4? I’m not keeping count if they’re free.” you replied to the man.

“Well I don’t want you running off somewhere.” he said protectively.

“Rogers, you do know I have a strong alcohol tolerance” you asked looking at his blue eyes.

“Yes, but I still want you to be safe.” Steve replied as he drank his glass of water.

“Steve, I am literally an Avenger like you. I can take care of myself.” you huffed rolling your eyes. “You should live a little anyway, the drinks are free for a reason.”you added wiggling your eyebrows. This time Steve rolled his eyes and laughed.

“Fine, since you’re keeping me company for how long our little speed date is I’ll drink.” he smiled as he waved the waitress over and asked for a glass of whiskey. “But you do know that my alcohol tolerance is stronger than yours right?” he said, winking at you.

You giggled as your cheeks began to warm up. ‘Oh god, why is the alcohol now getting to me.’ you said to yourself as you gleaned around the room. You noticed that the host of your event went outside and found her fiancé. 

Steve thanked the waitress as she returned with your guys’ drinks. He looked up at you and his eyes skimmed over your frame. He had never seen you in that dress before, maybe it was new? Regardless, you looked beautiful wearing anything. Taking a sip of his drink he looked towards where you were staring at. He saw the host of the event talking to her boyfriend aka the man that was cheating on her. 

“I talked to the girl he was seeing.” Steve said.

“Yeah, I saw her leave the bar. Did you upset her?” you asked, looking back at the supers soldier.

“God no, I gave her advice.” he replied looking back at you. “I told her that he wasn’t worth it.” 

“Smart. I was thinking of telling our host, but she seemed so in love with him I didn’t want to hurt her. I mean I am a stranger to her after all.” you admitted taking a sip of your drink.

“Hopefully, she’ll find out.” Steve shrugged. “So find anyone interesting?” he asked, changing the subject.

“Nope, I’ve been trying to scare most of them off.” you giggled as thought back to your first date.

“Why the hell would you do that?!” Steve laughed when he finally noticed your name tag. “Twyla? Y/N, you really didn’t want to be here huh?” he asked as he looked at you.

“Well, clearly no if I was messing with these poor men.” you chuckled while finishing your drink. “Why don’t we play a game since I don’t wanna mingle with anyone else right now.” you said as you looked up at Steve.

“What, now? What the hell is the catch?” he asked, eyebrows furrowed as he stared into your glistening eyes.

“Why does there have to be a catch? I’m just suggesting something to do, unless you do want to mingle with one of these women?” you replied with a quirked eyebrow. 

Steve shook his head, “Not really, but I feel like you’re up to something.” 

You shook your head no. “Come on it���ll be fun.” you begged.

“Ok fine. What did you have in mind.” he sighed as he looked at you.

“An easy game of Fuck, Marry, Kill.” you said with a smile. The alcohol was now affecting and building your confidence. You saw Steve’s Adam's apple bob as he nodded. 

“Kill? That’s a little harsh.” Steve said as he looked at you. 

“Seriously? Kill is harsh, but fuck is ok?” you whined at him and he nodded. ”Fine, then avoid instead of kill, you baby.” you added shaking your head.

“Who are your picks then?” he asked as he downed his drink.

“Simple, the lady you gave advice to, the woman in the very short dress and me.” you smirked as you took a sip of his water. 

“Ok, avoid short dress woman, marry the woman I gave advice to and then have sex with you.” he answered honestly staring at you. You blinked in astonishment by his answer.

“Damn, Rogers you answered that way too quickly. Can I get an explanation as to why your answers came so easily?” you asked, staring at the blond.

‘Well, short dress woman I would avoid because I talked to her earlier and I was not feeling it. I would marry the woman I gave advice to because she seems to have good intentions.” Steve said confidently. “And I guess that leaves me to fuck you because I want to.” he added with lustful eyes.

‘Holy shit! Did he just admit he wanted to fuck you?!’ you thought to yourself as you sipped some water.

“Some bold words coming out of your mouth Rogers.” you said trying to think of something or anything to get more information about that last thing he said. 

“Why is it bold, when it’s the truth.” he said looking dead into your eyes.

“Well then fuck me already.” you whisper winking at him.

A/N: Was that good? I hope this was good. I feel like there should be a second part to this with some smutty action 🤔 Again if you wanna be tagged in future fics, have any requests or just wanna chat hit me up! 

Taglist: @lostinthoughtsandfeelings​ @sebtheromanianprince @aquabrie @who-the-hell-is-sebastianstan  @anbrax5553 @wintersoldierissucharide @caplanbuckybarnes @miraclesoflove @kitkatd7 @saiyanprincessswanie @chaoticpete @fandomsandxfiles @hailmary-yramliah @coffeebooksandfandom @thefallenbibliophilequote

^please lemme know if you wanna be added/removed for future tags or dm me if I forgot you^

[ginginnymain]

I'm Polish, so English isn't my first language, that's why I am deeply sorry for any mistakes that you find here. I've posted my Drinny one shot already on my another tumbrl account and AO3 and fanfiction.net, but since I am a huge Hinny fan, here's something I've written a long ago.

"Meet my parents" - a Hinny fic.

Let me know what you think about it!

A pair of hands emerged unexpectedly from behind the door leading to the kitchen and wrapped around the woman's forearms, pulling her quickly inside. Lily didn't even have a chance to protest; making a soft groan, she only rolled her eyes, and when she was in the other room, face to face with her husband, gave him a long, impatient look.

"Merlin's beard, what's gotten into you, James?"

"It finally happened! You won't believe it, but it finally happens!"

The woman raised an eyebrow questioningly and looked at him as if he were crazy.

"I am to understand that once again you and Sirius came up with some crazy idea that somehow started to bring you profits? Whatever it is, I'm afraid to hear it. You're both crazy."

James shook his head, holding both hands up at the same time and waving them madly in front of his wife's nose.

"Our Harry brought someone home."

Lily gave him another puzzled look as if her husband had suddenly flown from space.

"He's on holiday. Often there are friends with him."

"It's a girl, Lily. Long, fiery red hair, big brown eyes, and a wide, cute smile... Isn't that fantastic?"

James was already excited, spitting out each word quickly. His little boy is starting to grow up; his only son was just entering the period when girls were starting to get tangled up in his head. And not just any. He didn't know how to describe it exactly, but he was happy and proud, to say the least.

"What's so great about that, James?" Lily's tone was skeptical, but the one and only thought she had always been afraid to admit to herself began to emerge from the back of her head. After all, Harry was still too young to think about girls.

"Because it's definitely a date!"

James' words were momentarily delayed, but when she finally understood what her husband had said, the thought she was so afraid to accept finally flashed in her head, her eyes widened and her mouth opened in surprise.

"Did you talk to them?"

"I did not make it. They came in about an hour ago, said hello, and went straight to his room. This girl seems quite nice. And she looks just like you at school."

Lily passed him in a second and almost ran to the kitchen counter. Taking two cups from the cupboard above her head and setting them in front of her, she turned her head towards her husband.

"What are you waiting for? You make tea, I'll make something to eat. We can't go in there empty-handed."

Ten minutes later they were both standing in front of Harry's closed door, James holding a tray of sandwiches and two cups of hot tea in her hands, and Lily with a box of the only cookies she could find. Their mission should now be less awkward, and they hoped it would be successful without any unnecessary casualties.

"Should we knock?" The man whispered as softly as he could, sending his wife a questioning look. Lily put her ear to the door, trying to hear whatever was happening on the other side.

"He's 16, for God's sake, of course not!"

"What if he's mad at us?"

"James! We are his parents!"

"He wants to spend time with his girlfriend."

"You don't even know if it really is."

"That's right, but..."

"James."

Lily's resolute tone finally silenced James, who now bowed his head meekly, waiting for his beloved wife to take the next step. Indeed, as he had sensed, the woman put her hand on the doorknob and twisted it firmly as she watched the door swing open with a slight creak. A second later, they both stood in the doorway, he with an awkwardly forced but still broad smile, and she with a glare, clutching a box of cookies in her hands.

Harry was sitting at his desk, holding one of the Quidditch books they'd bought for him together during their trip to Diagon Alley a while ago. On the other side of the room, on his bed, a red-haired girl sat cross-legged, excitedly leafing through their family photo album. James's attention did not miss the page she was currently stopping on. School years on the Quidditch team had indeed been exciting for him, so it was not surprising that it was this stage that caught her attention the most.

"Mom? Dad? What are you doing here?"

The red-haired girl looked up from the photos, and when her gaze fell on Harry's father, she quickly closed the album and pushed it off her lap, pressing it under the pillow lying next to it. A flush crept across her face as she rose from the bed, and when Harry joined her she stood a step behind him, grateful that she could hide a little behind his back.

"Your father told me you had a visitor, so I thought you shouldn't sit hungrily," Lily spoke first, entering her son's room.

"Harry, why don't you introduce us?" James added, trying to hide his amusement as he looked at the girl standing behind his son. The teenager took a breath and turned slightly towards the redhead.

"Mom, Dad, this is Ginny Weasley, my..."

"Your girlfriend, I suppose," the man was having a great time watching Ginny's face turn even redder and Harry almost choked with embarrassment. Lily's grunt interrupted his amusement, and since then he tried not to show himself how much he enjoyed the situation. Still holding the tray in his hands, he looked at the cups, which were shaking now at his muffled laughter.

"Weasley?" Lily repeated, looking at the girl. "You are...?"

"Ron's sister, yes." Ginny finally dared to step out from behind Harry's back and stood next to him, extending her hand towards the woman. "It's very nice to finally meet you, Mrs. Potter. Harry talked a lot about you."

"I didn't recognize you at all. You were so small the last time I saw you." Lily squeezed her hand, breaking herself finally and giving her a warm smile. "You're all growing so fast, but you're still so cute."

"I invited Ginny to discuss some tactics with her for our game right after Christmas break," Harry said, holding up a book in his hands. "We'll discuss it and..."

"But you don't have to rush anything," James interrupted his son, clearly interested in the topic he was talking about. "Maybe I can advise you on something? You know, I used to play a bit myself in my school days."

"A bit? You were amazing."

Ginny didn't know when the words that were circulating in her head were spoken aloud. Forcibly refraining from covering her mouth with her hand, the girl opened her eyes wide and gave the man a panicked look, taking a step back. Across the room, the food and drink tray lifted slightly as the man straightened proudly, an even wider smile spread across his face.

"It's nice you think so, dear Ginny. I admit modestly that you are right. What position do you play in? Let me guess, defender?"

Harry rolled his eyes, knowing full well how the rest of this conversation would turn out, and Lily turned her head towards her husband, hissing furiously.

"The chaser, sir," the redhead replied, smiling in response. James' face lit up even more.

"It's just like me!" He replied proudly. "You must have seen the picture from the school cup match, right? I know some good tricks on how to quickly cheat the opposing chasers," He added, nodding his head at the album under the pillow on his son's bed, then winked at the girl.

"Dad..."

"James."

"I'd love to learn something new, Mr. Potter."

To Lily and Harry's surprise, Ginny nodded, taking a step forward again. James replied with a sparkling smile that vanished right after Lily jabbed her elbow painfully into his ribs.

"The tea is getting cold, kids," the woman said, handing Ginny the box of cookies, before almost forcing her husband to pass her tray to Harry. "We won't bother you anymore, just make sure everything is gone when you discuss these tactics of yours." Pointing at the food, her gaze fell on the redheaded girl one last time. "Say hi to your parents, Ginny. I have a feeling that we will all have to get together soon."

Leaving the teenagers alone in the room, the woman on purpose did not close the door behind her, and when James, walking in front of her, turned to look at her knowingly, she narrowed her eyes and snorted softly at him.

"She's perfect for Harry," he whispered excitedly, letting his wife go down the stairs first.

"She bought you with her talk about all this Quidditch," Lily replied, rolling her eyes.

"And who was delighted that she was so small and cute recently, huh?"

"Because she was!"

"And it still is! Harry knew what he was doing, he got it for me!"

Shreds of their muffled whispers reached the pair who were still standing motionless side by side in Harry's room. The two weren't exactly sure what had just happened, so they stood speechless as they analyzed the last five minutes of their lives. When Ginny's warm hand finally slipped into the boy's, and she tilted her head up to look at his face, he turned his head towards her and looked into her eyes. Seeing the same degree of misunderstanding in them as in himself, he calmed down a little.

"Well," she said softly after a long pause. "I guess it went pretty well, didn't it?"

[monodreamin]

Last Christmas I gave you my heart

Pairing: Hoseok x Reader, ex boyfriend Taehyung x Reader

Rated: M (18+)

Genre: smut, fluff, tiny bit of angst, one shot

Synopsis: Last Christmas was full of heartbreak when your Ex boyfriend Taehyung broke up with you on Christmas. You run into your ex boyfriend in a department store a year later and the stranger swoops in to save you.  

Warnings: protected sex, sex with a stranger, a bit of jealous /possessive Hoseok, vaginal sex and not too many warning so it’s all I can think of for now.

Words: 2,351

I was doing some last minute Christmas shopping at a department store when I bumped into him. Him the man who broke my heart last Christmas he ripped my heart from out my chest and proceeded to stomp it out as it laid on the ground until it was mush and a bloody mess. That's exactly how it felt if I had to describe it.

Damn it why was he still so ethereal looking? but I knew better than that he was the devil. I watched from a safe distance he was so into whatever was in his hands. The Christmas lights from a nearby display cast light on his face.

The man and I dated for a year before we broke up. The saddest part was when I scrolled down my instagram feed and saw some photos of him with another woman on new year's eve. I was dating him for a year and he never once posted me. To be fair we both agreed not to post each other. We wanted our relationship to be private. But shortly after we broke up he posted his new girlfriend which had me thinking how long had he been with her? Did he cheat on me? It was only natural for me to think about these things with the timing.

It made me think that's probably why he didn't want us to post about our relationship to begin with. I agreed at the moment because I thought it was a great idea. I was always a private person and I didn't want anyone giving us their opinions on our relationship. it was easy for me to agree to these terms and maybe it was stupid of me too.

“Y/n???” Taehyung spotted me and walked my way. Shit I froze. My eyes stayed glued to his face as he made his way towards me.

“oh...hello Taehyung.” I croaked my eyes now looking down at the floor.

“It’s been so long. What has it been like a year?” he embraced me and I stiffened in his arms. Why was he treating me like I was his long lost friend? After we broke up we stopped communicating and I didn't know what I would do if I crossed paths with him again. This experience was awkward to say the least.

“Yea it has been exactly a year.” my eyes glanced over at a nearby rack. I wanted to look at anything but his face again. “Well it's good seeing you. I’m glad we ran into each other here.”

I pretended to be interested in an item in the nearby rack. “it was good seeing you too.” I lied through gritted teeth. I was trying to play nice and I didnt know how much longer I could keep this facade up.

“I just wanted to ask, did you change your phone number?”The nerve of him to ask me that.

“Yes I did once we broke up.”

“I’m sorry… that's what I wanted to tell you if I ever ran into you again. You did not deserve that. The way it happened it was just… “

“Yes I didn’t deserve to be broken up with on christmas day and i didnt deserve to scroll through my feed and see you with a new woman shortly after. Just say it Taehyung if you were really sorry you would be able to talk honestly about it and apologize sincerely but you're not. So let me guess things didn't work out with you two? ” I had reached my boiling point. I began to walk away before I let things get worse. Taehyung followed me.

“You know if you would just please give me a few minutes to explain myself. ”

“Taehyung I gave you a year that was more than enough. you hurt me and now when I see you it's like I’m reliving everything all over again and I rather not.”

“That’s why I want to make it right. I don’t want you to feel that way anymore.”

“ You shouldn’t care, I will be fine. it's none of your concern anymore so have a nice life” I said loudly.

“I didn’t cheat on you and it was wrong of me to post those photos so shortly after we split up.” Taehyung was now speaking loudly too.

A man who worked at the department store stepped between us. “The shoes you ordered I got them in the size you asked for” he looked at me speaking and I looked back at him confused for a brief second . I then figured out fairly quickly what the man was doing. “I have to go get my shoes. I played along as the man walked off and I followed him.

“I’m so sorry for getting loud in the store. Thank you for stepping in before it got worse.” The man turned to face me, his smile the brightest smile I ever witnessed. His smile was very infectious. My eyes scanning his features his perfectly shaped nose and beautiful

heart shaped lips. The man was gorgeous. Anybody with two eyes could see that.

“it's ok I felt I had to get your attention in some way before it got worse” he wanted to get my attention? My heart pounded loudly through my chest.

“Sorry again and I’m glad you did that, thank you.”

“My name is Hoseok. What is your name?” the clock by his head caught my attention. I was late for work and now in a rush. “My name is Y/N and I don't mean to be rude but I have to go right now or i'll be late. It was nice meeting you though.” I ran off in a hurry hoping I would one day see this man again.

---

I finished my shift at the bakery. The day was a busy one. I was fulfilling many Christmas orders with cakes, pastries and cookies. I just got home locking the door and stepping into the shower to relax and get clean from all the icing and scent of cake off my hair. I was in the shower for a few minutes before I heard a knock on my door. I wasn’t expecting anyone to be over especially at this time. I grabbed a robe and wrapped it tightly around my body. My hair was wet from washing it so I also had a towel over my head. “who is it?” I asked as I looked through the peephole.

“It's me Hoseok. The man from the department store you left your wallet.” he brought up the familiar wallet close to the peephole. It was indeed my wallet and I didn’t even notice I had lost it until now. I opened the door letting him in.

“I’m sorry I just got in from work and was in the shower. Have a seat. Do you want something to drink?” The man handed me the wallet and his face turned red, so red I noticed it even spreaded to his pointy ears.

“I’m fine I should go home now, it's late and... “ he was going to leave. I didn't want him to go. I wanted him inside of me since I first saw him at the department store. I coudn’t get him out of my head at work and now that the man was here I wasn't letting him go easily. His words were soon cut off as I dropped my robe to the floor exposing my naked body. I walked over to him seductively making sure my breasts had an extra bounce to them.

“I…” he was speechless again, his eyes filled with a hunger only my body could satiate. “Come follow me.'' I said as he held my hand and interlocked his fingers with mine. I led him to my bedroom and looked for the brand new box of condoms I had purchased some months ago. “someone is a little too overdressed for my liking.” I began to remove some of his clothing and he joined in helping me do so.

We were both naked and wasting no time he slipped the condom on. “lay on the bed.” he instructed me and I quickly followed his instructions . I couldn't wait for the feeling of his cock deep inside of me stretching me out, he locked eyes with me and pressed his body against mine, kissing my lips long and deeply, he used his tongue so skillfully his hands roaming my body. I moaned into his mouth at the anticipation that was to come.

Hosek then started to rub his body against mine slowly at a tortuous pace. “ Hoseok I want you inside of me already.” I closed my eyes letting out a deep breath. “are you sure, are you ready for me?” Hoseok’s hand rubbed between my legs. “yes I’m ready.I’m

So ready for you.” I whined and I was getting impatient. Hoseok moves his hand up and down my warm heat “let me see how ready you are for me.” he smiled as he watched the way my body reacted to his touch.

“Hoseok please...” I began to moan as he switched techniques with his hand moving his hand in circular motion. “Hoseok please what? Talk to me Y/N” he smirked. The man knew exactly what he was doing and wanted to hear the words coming out my mouth.

“I want you to fuck me with your cock.” I smiled back at him. “Wow I never thought such dirty words would come from such a pretty girl.” Once those words escaped his mouth his cock slowly filled me. “This is what you wanted?” My lips opened in a perfect O shape at the feeling of his cock entering me.

Hoseok smacked my thigh “tell me do you do this often. Do you let other men into your bedroom and let them have their way with you like I am doing now ?” I let out a moan near his ear. “No just you… only you this is my first time.” My nails dug deep into his back. “Good now let’s keep it that way.” his eyes filled with possessiveness as he stroked deeper in me.

“Only you” was all I could mutter before my eyes screwed shut and the pleasure he was giving my body took over all my senses. My legs began to shake and I lost all control. I just let my body give into him the feeling was indelible.

Hoseok was great in bed the way his hips moved. It was like nothing I have ever encountered before. The combination of his girthy cock and effortless hip movements brought me to a climax.

After the pleasure subsided I opened my eyes to see Hoseok pull out of me laying by my side. “That was… amazing but now it’s my turn to make you feel good.” I grabbed his still erected cock and sank down on him but in reverse cowgirl to give him a good look at my ass.

I looked back at him as I began to bounce on his cock making sure my ass slapped against his balls as I rode him. “Fuck Y/N you look so sexy like this” his hands cupped my ass as I picked up the pace.

“You like that?” You began touching your breasts. “Fuck I love it” Hoseok’s head tilted back and the noises leaving his lips were like the sweetest music to your ears. You held on to his ankles for more balance and to give him a better look at the curve of your ass. You were about to reach the second orgasm of the night.

Hoseok grabbed your waist and started matching up your pace fucking into you, he was bringing even more pleasure into your warm wet heat. The sound of skin slapping on skin was the only loud sound to be heard in the room and soon after you both came together.

After the mind blowing sex you knew you wanted to continue to see Hoseok. The connection might have first started off as just sex but it grew into more, he loved you and you loved him once you both fucked it out of your systems that’s when the feelings became more than just sexual.

—-

Hoseok took you around his neighborhood to see the houses decorated for Christmas with lots of lights and outdoor Christmas decorations. It was a tradition started from years ago. “Here drink this, it's getting cold” Hoseok handed you a hot chocolate with marshmallows.

Hoseok hugged you from behind as you both drinked your hot chocolate and watched the lights. What a difference a year made.

“Y/N what are you doing here?” You turned to the sound of the voice and knew exactly who it belonged to Taehyung.

“I’m with my boyfriend.” you pointed to Hoseok.

“Boyfriend? When did this happen?”

“Excuse me but she is my girlfriend and it shouldn’t be any of your concern.” Hoseok put a protective arm over my shoulder bringing me closer to him.

“I’m her…” I cut Taehyung off before he could say anything that would make the situation worse.

“You are what? My ex boyfriend? Because that is what you are now Taehyung. I’m here with my boyfriend trying to have a good time so you should leave us alone.” I grabbed my boyfriend’s hand and walked away. I knew he had a temper on him and would hate to see him lose it on Taehyung.

I don’t know what happened with Taehyung but I didn’t care to find out. I just knew I was in a better place now so all of his attempts to try to get me back wouldn’t ever work. I thought I needed closure and answers from Taehyung but in the end I didn’t. I just didn’t care any longer.

Last Christmas was terrible but this Christmas was special as my favorite Christmas song goes.

Last Christmas I gave you my heart

But the very next day you gave it away

This year, to save me from tears

I'll give it to someone special.

©Monodreamin no copying, translating or stealing any of my works.

Love this story? Want more click here

Also feedback will be nice it means more than you know, you can do it through anon asks. I’m nice I won’t bite unless you like 👀😂 jk please just send me something.

[chemicalpink]

Starring Role ♡ Kim Namjoon

Pairing: Kim Namjoon x Reader

Genre: smut, angst

Word Count: 2.2k

Warnings: unprotected sex, emotionally unavailable Namjoon, infidelity, dubious consent

A/N: HELLO I am back with this series I’m so sorry it took so long I’m trying my best at organizing my life but you know how it goes. I really liked this one so I hope you do too, please let me know what you think! I love you!

Summary: I don’t love you, big fucking deal. Don’t ever tell me how you feel. I know you’d rather walk alone than play a supporting role but you can’t get the starring role.

You toss on your bed for what feels–and probably is– the millionth time, a light breeze coming from the open window that helps your shivers intensify as you try to cuddle further into the bedsheet, the body sleeping soundly beside you doing nothing to keep you warm or even help you sleep. Namjoon’s naked and very much toned back greets you after you quickly glance to the alarm clock: 4:55 am, without even a blink of sleep in.

So you see, Namjoon is a great guy, he really is, it’s just that well- he likes to keep to himself, and not in an ‘I’m dark and mysterious’ type of way, but as in ‘I’ll talk about my feeling over my own dead body’ type of way. They could be so similar and so difficult to identify one from another. That’s what lured you in. 

You can still remember the first time you met him, as every story out of a movie. Perhaps that was the first red flag. Real-life isn’t a movie after all. Being a party animal isn’t really how you could describe yourself, but sometimes, things get lonely and what better way to drink your problems away than to do so with a bunch of strangers right? After a few beer pong rounds and shots accompanied by intoxicated dancing in the middle of the living room and in front of the TV, you took a seat next to this good-looking blond guy with his eyes stuck on his phone screen, tongue lapping over his lips over and over again.

“Wouldn’t mind being your phone screen right now if it meant you staring at me like that” you blurted out, perhaps it was time to go home. The good-looking stranger immediately locked his phone and put it away while turning to look at you, a smirk on his pretty face.

“Well I guess tonight’s your lucky night then” if he was as intoxicated as he later claimed to be – which you are still doubtful of– he didn’t look like it. Plus, your bubbly drunk self didn’t help one bit to the situation.

You both started talking, Namjoon smiling at every word that came out of your mouth, his hand not so subtly touching your leg while you found weirdly specific excuses to touch his arms; the third time your eyes drifted off to his lips you asked him to walk you to the kitchen –arguing that you didn’t want to fall over with your heels.

You had barely grabbed his hand, gaze clear with your intentions when his hand wrapped itself around your waist, hot against your exposed skin. His lips were on yours the second you found yourselves inside the kitchen, hands all over each other, no clothes taken away but rather bunched up or around the ankles to give access to the ministrations, thankful for the loud music covering up the sounds of what was going on on the kitchen counter. 

There wasn’t a single week after that you could go without Namjoon–which by the way, took you three more fuck dates to get his name. He was just that addicting. Friends with benefits. Not even friends. More like acquaintances that got used to fucking their frustrations on the other. More suiting. 

The sun wasn’t even in the sky for it to come through the blinds, but the moonlight did a pretty good job at illuminating the man’s face, the most beautiful you had seen. Your fingers started tracing the side of his face feather-like, down his naked torso and you couldn’t help but wonder when exactly your heart started skipping a beat at the thought of him out of normal settings. The man could barely hold a conversation with you if he wasn’t pumping himself in and out of you. Hell, you didn’t even know what he did for a living. 

“Music” he had said one day when he showed up to your apartment, eyes puffy most probably from crying–but you wouldn’t dare ask, his lips working wonders on your exposed cleavage skin. That was just the effect he had on you. Namjoon had to do the bare minimum to get your panties wet and he knew it well. Since day one. Eight months later, somehow he still had the same effect on your body. 

So what if you weren’t able to drink your problems away back then when clearly Namjoon’s dick could distract you enough from them. Even when he was, indeed, the biggest of them all.

You decide to get out of bed and start making breakfast, a first attempt at making him stay a little while longer. Bravery for the not-so-newly found feelings, you tell yourself.

You are about to plate the most perfect sunny-side-up when the door to our apartment clicks shut; you don’t even have to check your bedroom to know that Namjoon is missing, you just sigh to yourself and try–and fail miserably– not to feel the void inside your heart. It had been like that since forever. Namjoon isn’t one to stay over longer than a necessary nap after sex, or visit earlier than 10 pm; you couldn’t quite stop the feelings of regret and self-hatred once you had your hopes up anyway. 

“Nah, that asshole left again?” Seokjin, your best friend said as soon as he entered your apartment, a common occurrence for him to just stop by from time to time, and obviously up to date with the whole Namjoon fiasco “Y/N, sweetheart, I love you so much but you are a fucking dumbass”

This surely wasn’t the first time Jin had tried to convince you to leave Namjoon for good, saying that you deserve so much better than to be abandoned in the middle of early morning and no words until your clothes came off, but there was just something in Namjoon that your friend would never understand.

A good talk with Seokjin later (not without his constant mother-like behaviour) you find yourself ignoring the third notification in a row from your phone, quite out of character for Namjoon really. So what if ignoring him from time to time giving you a sense of control, a fake one at that, cause deep down both you and your lover know that he is the one that has you wrapped around his little finger. He should begin to learn his lesson that you are more than just a fuckhole he can access whenever it’s convenient for him– Seokjin’s words, not yours, but they work either way.

“That’s what I’m talking about, Y/N! Ignore his ass!” he takes a sip out of whatever it was he found in your kitchen and decided to serve it in a mug “You know, I was actually supposed to go to a family gala tonight, why don’t we both show up and get wasted in name of ou retrieving control of your life?” 

The suggestion doesn’t sound so bad, perhaps you could even find someone that would actually like more than sleeping around, or just- someone to distract you for the night, the way it had happened back then with Namjoon.

“Yeah, I’m totally in, come back at 8?” you suggested to Seokjin, to which he clapped his hands together in an overexaggerated manner before hugging you goodbye and disappearing out the door.

Your phone did ding a few times while you were dressing up, a few others inside Seokjin’s car to the gala before arriving at the beautiful hotel from where a bunch of overly dressed people walked in and out of.

You and Seokjin are soon enough inside the building, him handing you a champagne flute from a waiter passing by, gingerly taking a sip out of it before time seems to come to a halt all at once, throat closing and almost projecting the amber liquid into the floor when you dance your eyes around the room and they settle on a much too familiar figure– Namjoon. All suited up from head to toe, a side of him that you had never seen before, the again, you can’t really say you know a side of him anyways. He laughs in a way that you wished you had seen before and under other circumstances, before he places his hand – the one that you’ve had around your throat and inside your cunt countless times– around the waist of the woman beside him, your heart stops beating for a second as you watch her show off her ring finger with a sparkly rock on it, head turning to place a sweet kiss on Namjoon’s cheek. Your whole world seems to tumble down at the sight.

“Y/N? Is everything okay sweetie?” Jin turns to you from where he was talking to some of his friends

“Yeah, I’ll just- I need to use the restroom” you smile a tight lip smile at his companions before scurrying down the hall, a few heads turning to your direction at the somewhat of a commotion of someone actually running and the sound of heels against the marble floor.

You hang your head low on the bathroom counter in front of the mirror, there was, indeed, a part of you that knew it was most likely for Namjoon to have a girlfriend, but a fiancee? And the fact that you were the one he was cheating on with? It was about time you hit rock bottom though, Jin had been telling you on and on that Namjoon seemed the type to have a lot of secrets, then again, you didn’t listen.

Sure, your heart seemed to break a little– or a lot. But dear, the poor girl out there with a ring on her finger, if she only knew- that the man she was about to marry sleeps on your bed most of the time after he had fucked your brains out.

The sound of the bathroom door closing makes you turn towards it “You might as well be naked with that dress” Namjoon groans as he clicks the door locked and starts walking towards you, cornering you against the sink. He chuckles as his hand starts fiddling with the end of your dress, tracing the inner part of your exposed thigh “There is no way in hell you’ve got panties on you right now”

“Namjoon!” you swat his hand away but his smirk just deepens as his other hand presses you against him 

“Kim Seokjin huh?” he turns you so his crotch presses on your ass, his hand making you face yourself on the mirror “You really think he can fuck you better than I can?” you let out a breathy moan as he finally reaches down your dress as his skilled fingers caress your folds roughly, teasing your entrance as he humped against you at the same time, the familiar burning feeling in your belly forming already, but you are able to fight it enough.

“You never told me you were engaged” your eyes search his in the mirror.

He groans and finally inserts his fingers in you, making you tumblr forward at the invasion “ah… details, Y/N”

Your mind gets blurry and whatever words of protest die in your mouth as he starts pumping his fingers in and out of you, your legs buckling but him keeping you standing as he seemingly had the fun of his life at seeing you like that “Look at yourself, Y/N” his hand cups your cheeks and turns you to your reflection, hair dishevelled, face flushed as he stood behind you, lips closing in your ear “Sometimes, you just have to settle for the supporting role, baby” 

You moan in response, or at least at what you meant for it to be a response, since you are cut short by the sound of Namjoon’s zipper followed by the feeling of his exposed cock coating itself in your juices, teasing your cunt, which made you grip the counter tighter “I need you to understand something, Y/N” he slides in, barely giving you time to adjust before he starts moving inside of you “There will never be a ring around your finger” his hand goes down to cup your pussy, large fingers playing with your clit, making you arch back into him, forced once again to examine the image in front of you, reminded that somehow you had signed up for this yourself and was never meant to escape “But you’ll always have me in your bed”

He picks up the pace, lewd noises resounding in the acoustic of the bathroom, skin against skin harmonising with moans and grunts, Namjoon speeding up his hips, the extra stimulation on your clit forcing you to climax at the same time as he spilled inside of you, hot against your walls, your arms trying and almost failing at keeping you on your feet as your legs continued to spasm after he pulled out “You might want to find a way to keep it in” Namjoon mutters against his breath as he fixed himself, referring to the way his cum was already dripping down your inner thigh,  before walking at the door

[louezem]

Saying Yes - Brothers

Summary:  Katniss and Peeta had a bitter break up years ago and went their separate ways. Katniss knows nothing of Peeta's life now, until a stunning blonde walks into the exclusive bridal salon were she works, to buy her a dress for her wedding - to Peeta Mellark.

Written for @promptsinpanem

Part 5 - Brothers

Eight Weeks Later...

Part 5 - Brothers 

Eight weeks later:

“Good evening, Mr Mellark, it’s nice to see you,” the doorman welcomed him with a tip of his head.

“Good evening,” Peeta returned the welcome. “I’m here to meet my brother for dinner but I need to go upstairs first. When he arrives can you send him to The Arena?  I’ll meet him at the bar.”

“Of course, Mr Mellark, I’ll let him know.”

Peeta strode through the hotel lobby, acknowledging staff members and guests alike with a nod or a smile before using his keycard to access a small private elevator that rose directly to the penthouse he’d shared with Glimmer.

It felt a little weird being back in this space.  He’d moved out of the hotel and into a very nice apartment a short distance away a couple of weeks earlier.  The views weren’t as spectacular and there was no room service or overnight dry cleaning at his new place, but he was enjoying having a space that was just his more than he’d expected.  He liked displaying his own art on the walls of his home and cooking in his own kitchen again.

He opened the sliding doors to the patio and stepped outside, glad that none of the Glimmer’s personal staff were around to observe him as he said a last goodbye to the place that he’d called home for quite a while.  He walked to the infinity balcony and leaned over admiring the view over the city and listening to the faint sounds of the crowds and the traffic far below.  He could feel the autumn chill in the air, the days getting noticeably shorter.  It was almost sunset, so he decided to stay and watch from this vantage point one last time.

The media attention had been pretty brutal in the weeks immediately following his and Glimmer’s break up, usually casting him in the role of a gold-digging gigolo who’d used Glimmer to further his career in her Grandfather’s chain of hotels and then broke her heart.   They didn’t let up until a couple of photos of Glimmer and her entourage of girlfriends started showing up on online as they partied their way across Europe.  When a photo of Glimmer dancing closely with the sovereign prince of some small European principality showed up on twitter the interest in Peeta finally began to fade.  He smiled to himself, knowing Glimmer most likely leaked the photo herself to draw the attention off him, if the winking emoji she’d text him around the same time was anything to go by.  But she’d never admit it to anyone else.

In the bedroom he gathered the last few personal documents and books he’d forgotten into a box and dropped his keycard in the drawer of the bedside table, switching off the lights on his way out.      

He felt sad that this chapter of his life was over but not heart-broken like he thought he was supposed to be.  He should be on his honeymoon in Europe right now, for god’s sake, but instead he was single again.  He kept waiting for some stronger emotion to hit him but the simple truth was, he was okay.  If anything, he was a little excited about the future and the new opportunities that were already presenting themselves.  It wasn’t like back when…

An image of a pretty dark-haired girl with tears running down her face came into his mind, immediately morphing into a more recent memory of a gorgeous woman with flashing silver eyes climbing into a taxi and driving away…

He shut down that train of thought quickly.   Dr Aurelius had said no good would come from letting his mind wander down those paths.  In the weeks since he’d bumped into her again, Katniss had made a reappearance in his dreams, costing him more than one night of sleep lost to restless tossing and turning.  So much so that he’d started painting in the small hours of the morning again.

He dropped his box of things off in his office downstairs and headed to the bar where he immediately spotted a head of blond wavy hair almost identical to his own.  

“Hey Rye,” he greeted his brother and slipped onto the barstool beside him, letting his eye run over the room.  Like everything in the hotel the restaurant exuded sheer luxury - from the long polished mahogany bar to the more private dining areas with deep seats upholstered in sumptuous dark blue velvet and tables set with the finest sterling silver cutlery and cut crystal glassware.  The only thing he didn’t personally care for were the large displays of snow white roses, but they were something of a trademark for the owner, Coriolanus Snow who insisted on them in all his hotels.

“Peeta.” Rye welcomed him with a pat to his shoulder and raised his finger to catch the attention of the bartender. “What are you drinking?”

“My usual please, Finch,” Peeta smiled at the bartender who came to serve him, a slender natural red-head with fox like features and pale eyes, “and whatever my brother wants.”

“A double on the rocks, and put it on his tab.” Rye winked and raised his glass.

Peeta chuckled and Finch gave them a closed lipped smile before scurrying off to get their drinks.

“This is some place,” Rye commented.  “It’s a far cry from the spit and sawdust of Abernathy’s bar, back home.”

“It is,” Peeta chuckled.  “Is the old man even still alive?”

“Sure is, and as surly as ever.  But enough of small town news, tell me how’ve you been,” Rye looked him up and down.  “We haven’t talked much in the last few weeks.  You don’t look too bad, all things considered.”

“Thanks, I’m doing okay,” Peeta lifted his drink and clinked it off his brother’s glass. “I’ve been busy with events here in the hotel and moving to my own place.  Next time you’re in town we should meet up my new apartment instead of the hotel.  I’ll cook you a steak.”

“It’s a deal,” Rye agreed. “I’ll bring the beer.  None of your fancy wines, thank you very much. You got a big TV?”

“I’ve got a regular TV and sports on cable,” Peeta laughed. “I prefer to use my walls for my paintings, not a huge flatscreen.”

“You can spare at least one wall for a decent 60 inch. The one in the suite we stayed in upstairs before the wedding was awesome.  We did you move out anyway, I thought you could live at the hotel for free as a perk of your job?”

“There is a private suite that comes with the package but with Glimmer due back in town soon I thought it was best to find my own place.   Better to keep a little healthy distance between us until things settle.” 

“Probably wise.” Rye agreed.  “Have you talked to her at all?” 

“Sure, a couple of times.  Honestly, we’re fine with each other.  I mean, yeah, it feels strange being a single guy again.  I miss her company and I miss sleeping beside someone at night.” He let out a small chuckle. “I even miss Caesar, but all things considered we’re good.”

“I’m glad you feel that way. Glimmer is a great girl,” Rye sipped his whiskey, a thoughtful look on his face.  “Stupid dog, though.  Give me a mutt over a pampered pooch any day of the week.”

“Hey Caesar is great.  He might be small and fluffy but he has the heart of a great dane,” Peeta chuckled.  “The little dogs always do.  Besides—” Peeta stopped. 

“Besides what?”

“I think Glimmer may have done the right thing by calling the wedding off.” Peeta confessed. He cleared his throat. It was the first time he’d admitted as much out loud to anyone.  “Moving out will make everything less awkward in the long run, when she starts to see someone new.  I don’t think she’ll be single for long.” 

“Does it bother you?  The thought of Glimmer with another guy?”  Rye was watching him.

Peeta knew if he tried to lie, his brother would see right through it.  No one knew him the way Rye did.  He considered his response carefully, as he’d asked himself the same question a million times.

“No.” He answered truthfully.  It was the first time he’d fully admitted it, even to himself, and with it came a sense of relief.  “It really doesn’t bother me and that’s that thing.  It should, shouldn’t it?  I mean, I should be turning green with jealousy at thought of Glimmer with someone else, but I’m not.  All I want is for her to be happy.”

“Hmm.  What about you? Have you had any thoughts about moving on yourself?”  Rye raised an eyebrow. 

Peeta shook his head.  “No.  Relationships are the last thing I’m thinking about right now, and maybe not for a long time.”

“Who said anything about relationships? You have needs. You’re a young reasonably good looking guy—”

“Gee, thanks!” Peeta laughed at the back handed compliment.

“—all I’m saying is the ladies love a guy like you, and there is nothing wrong with a little healthy no strings attached fun.  Or a lot of healthy no strings fun if you prefer.  How about Finch over there?  She a bit of a fox and she keeps looking at you like she sees something delicious she’d like to eat.”

“Delicious but toxic,” Peeta snorted, shaking his head.  “I don’t do casual hook-ups but if I did I’d never choose someone at work.  It would be unprofessional.”

“But dating the granddaughter of your employer wasn’t?”  Rye laughed out loud.

“That was different, I was working someplace else when I met Glimmer.”

“Okay fair point,” Rye conceded, tipping his head.  “But tell me why you just described yourself as toxic?  Don’t tell me you bought into all that bullshit the media accused you of.”

“No, but look how my last two relationships ended.  The love of my life cheated on me and broke my heart, then my next serious girlfriend dumped me on our wedding day.  Even if—"

“Wait.”  Slowly Rye rested his drink on the bar and turned to face his brother, all former joviality had left his face. “Peeta, do you still believe Katniss Everdeen is the love of your life?”

“That’s an odd question to ask,” Peeta frowned.

“Humour me.”

“Fine then, the answer is yes,” he gave a slight nod of his head. “Yes, I believe Katniss is the great love of my life.  Hopefully not the last love. But the great one.  I loved Glimmer but it wasn’t the same.   I don’t think I could ever love anyone again the way I loved Katniss.”

Rye let out a deep sigh and ran a shaking hand though his hair.  “I was afraid you were going to say that.”

Peeta’s frown deepened. “Rye, what’s wrong?  You’re acting weird.”

“Peeta, there is something I need to talk to you about.  It’s been playing on my mind for some time, since long before the wedding was cancelled, if I’m honest.”

“Okay.  This sounds ominous.  It’s nothing to do with your health is it?  Or Graham, or Mom? The business back home is doing okay? Because you know I can help with that if you need—”

“No, no – calm down, the business if fine, Mom and Graham are fine, or at least they were, last time I spoke to them.  By the way, Mom said to tell you how foolish you were for letting a prize like Glimmer slip through your fingers.”

Peeta rolled his eyes. He could care less what his mother thought of him or his life, not when she couldn't even bothered to come to his wedding.

“Stop deflecting Rye.  This isn’t the first time you’ve hinted you had something on your mind and you’re not usually the type to hold back, so whatever it is, spit it out.”

“I worried if I do you’ll punch me in the face.”

“Rye, so help me—”

“Look, let’s move over to a table.” Rye threw back what was left in his glass and nodded to the bartender for another.  “We might need a little more privacy for this conversation.”

Once the brothers were resettled in a quiet corner with fresh drinks in front of them Peeta sat back and waited.

“It’s about Katniss.” Rye began nervously.

“What about her?” Peeta frowned.

“It’s about what happened between her and Gale Hawthorne the night of Madge’s party.”

Peeta looked at him, his frown deepening.  That was not what he’d been expecting to come out of Rye’s mouth.

“I already know what happened Rye.  I don’t need to hear the sordid tale of how you caught my girlfriend making out with another guy again.”  His tone was dismissive.

“Peeta, did you ever wonder why Katniss gave up trying to contact you after you broke up with her?” Rye’s voice shook a little as he spoke. He was nervous.

Peeta met his brother’s worried gaze with a now stony one of his own.  “I reckoned she figured out it was pointless to keep trying.  You caught her red handed and she knew that I’d never forgive her. Cheating is a deal breaker for me.  She knew that.”

“Okay, that’s reasonable.  But did you ever stop and ask yourself why you didn’t see her around at school later on, when she had a full ride to go to Panem U?”

“Yeah, she had, for tuition.” Peeta nodded. “We’d planned to live in the dorms for freshman year, and if we could find roommates we liked to share expenses with us, we’d rent a place and live together off campus after that. For the first month or so after school started I did look out for her.  Fuck, every time I saw a girl with olive skin and dark hair I hoped it was Katniss.” Peeta grabbed the whiskey bottle Finch had left on the table, and tossed back a shot.  “But after a while I figured out she must have gone somewhere else.  I guess she decided she didn’t want to see me either.”   

Rye locked eyes with him. “Before I tell you this, I need you to know that I’m really sorry. I want you to keep that in your head and remember it when I’m finished.”

“Sorry for what?”  Peeta eyed him warily.  “You’re starting to freak me out now, Rye.”

“I fucked up and got it all wrong, Peeta.  Katniss didn’t cheat on you with Gale the night of Madge’s party.  Or any other night.”

Peeta sat deathly still, his face impassive, as he stared at his older brother. The only reaction he showed to the grenade his brother had just launched at him was the darkening of his eyes from blue to black.

“What the fuck are you saying to me, Rye?  You’d better explain what you just said.  Fast,” he growled.

“Okay hear me out.  I need to start at the beginning.” Rye put up a placating hand.  “You remember that I had a massive thing for Madge Undersee, right?  I even thought I might be in love with her, but she only had eyes for Gale Hawthorne.” 

“Sure, I remember.  You always had a thing for blondes.”

“Still do.” Rye laughed dryly, but with no humour.  “I ended up crashing Madge’s party that night with a couple of the guys I used to wrestle with back in High School.  Cato and Marvel.  It was already late when we got there and Katniss was there hanging out with Madge and Gale. They’d all had a few drinks and looked pretty comfortable with each other.  Katniss and Madge were dancing and Gale was watching them both.  I didn’t think anything of it.”

“Katniss and Gale were friends since they were kids,” Peeta interrupted. “Madge was her best friend in High School.  Off course they were friendly. The only reason I wasn’t at the party too was because I was due at the bakery the next morning at 4am to finish a wedding cake, so Katniss tagged along with Gale instead.”

“Anyway,” Rye continued. “As the night went on I drank more and I managed to corner Madge on her own in the kitchen away from her friends.  I asked her to go out on a date with me, begged her to give me a shot, but she turned me down flat. I kept trying to charm her until she got pissed off told me to leave her alone, that she liked someone else.”

“Let me guess, that someone was Gale?” Peeta asked.

“Yeah.” Rye confirmed with a nod. “So I backed off with my tail between my legs, grumbling all the while to the guys about what was so special about Gale that made him so popular with the ladies, and what had he got that I hadn’t got.  They laughed, saying he had quite a reputation with the ladies and he was well known for frequenting the slag heap with different girls, but lately he’d been there a lot with a certain Seam girl.  They were looking at Katniss when they said it.”

Peeta raised an eyebrow at this.

“Anyway, by then I was drunk and feeling pretty sorry for myself.  A little while later I decided to call it a night and left to walk home when I heard some rustling and caught sight of Gale back in the trees.  At first I thought he was taking a leak, but then I realised he was leaning up against a tree because he had a girl backed up against it.   This kinda made me see red because Madge was back at the house waiting for him to make his move and he was here, wasting time with another girl.”

“Katniss.” Peeta growled, downing another shot.  It might be ten years ago, but it still hurt.  

“Yes.” Rye nodded.  “It was Katniss.  I saw him bend down and kiss her, but she must have seen me because she shoved him away and came running after me and we argued.   She tried to say what I’d seen was nothing, that she’d only gone outside to check on Gale because he was drunk and he came onto her.  She swore she never invited it.”

He took a deep breath. 

“I was so angry I couldn’t think straight.  I yelled at Katniss to get the hell away from me and to stay the hell away from you and told her she wasn’t good enough for you.  Gale came over and tried to throw a punch at me for yelling at Katniss, but he was a drunk as I was and he missed and we both ended up on the ground.  Then his friend Thom and Madge came out of the house and broke it up.  Katniss was crying and Madge took her inside.”

“I know this part Rye.” Peeta’s icy voice cut across him abruptly.  “But you never said anything about her shoving him away before.  You made it sound like she was a willing participant, that she was all over him.”

“I know.  I know I did.” Rye threw his hands up in the air. “I thought she shoved him away because she saw me, but I only found out years later that I was wrong about all of it.  After what Cato and Marvel had told me about Gale and a Seam girl at the slag heap, I put two and two together and made five.”

“When did you find out you were wrong?”  Peeta spat out, his head spinning.  The repercussions of what Rye had done were huge.  The whole path of his – and Katniss – life had changed because of what Rye said he saw that night.

“Not until a few years later.  Believe it or not, it was Gale who confronted me.  He and Madge were engaged, and I had long moved on.  They came by the bakery to order a wedding cake.  While Madge was distracted talking flavours and buttercream with Dad, Gale asked could he have a word with me outside.”

“At first I thought he was going to bring up my old crush on Madge, but instead he started talking about that night. He basically said he wanted to clear the air and Katniss’ name, and he confirmed everything Katniss tried to tell me years before was all true.”

A heavy silence fell between the brothers and Peeta sat stiffly as his brain tried to process this new information.

“But if he had feelings for Madge, why was he trying to kiss Katniss that night? That makes no sense!” Peeta burst out. 

“I asked him the very same thing.  He said his feelings for Madge were new and he never expected a girl like her would look at a Seam guy like him, let alone date one.  He was confused by what the true nature of his feelings for Katniss were.  They’d been friends for so long and everyone including his  family told him they’d end up together eventually but then she started dating you and he was worried he’d missed his chance.  So when one presented itself, he took it. He said he had to do it.  Just once.”

“And the seam girl he’d been sneaking around with at the slag heap?”

“Leevy Collins.”

“I can’t believe I’m only hearing about this now,” Peeta muttered dropping his head into his hands. “You should have come to me with this when Gale first told you, Rye.”

“I know.” Rye shifted uncomfortably in his seat.  “Gale told me Katniss gave him hell afterwards.  He felt bad when he found out that you broke up with her. They didn’t speak for a long time, but Madge invited Katniss to the wedding hoping they could patch things up.  Gale told me I should try and encourage you to go as well.  He hinted that Katniss wasn’t seeing anyone.”

 “Wait, so Katniss and Gale didn’t speak again until Madge’s wedding?”  Peeta exclaimed.  “That was years later!”

“I guess so.  I don’t know all the details. Katniss and Prim moved away when Prim finished High School. I guess they moved to the city then.  I didn’t keep tabs on her.  After you left she wasn’t on my radar.  I heard her Mom had died—”

“Wait, what - Mrs Everdeen died?!?”  Peeta's head shot up in shock and he suddenly realised just how far he’d distanced himself from his home town if this news never reached him.

“Yeah, I think it was the winter after you left to go to school that I heard a rumour about Katniss’ Mom.  Talk around town was she was really sick.  By then Katniss was working double shifts in Sae’s diner but she got another job working evenings in Abernathy’s.  Mrs Everdeen died about a year later.  Cancer, I heard.”

So Katniss finished raising Prim alone. Peeta thought. She had no one.

Why didn’t you tell me any of this back then?” Peeta clenched his fists tightly. He’d had arguments with his brothers before but he couldn’t remember a time when he’d ever felt so angry with Rye and it hurt.  Rye was his big brother, the one he could depend on who always stood up for him and been there for him. Deflected their mother’s rage onto himself when she would beat up on Peeta too hard.  “You never said a word.”   

“I didn’t think it would make any difference.  You never mentioned Katniss again, I thought you had put it all behind you.  You were living this amazing life in the city, you’d a great job, travelling all over the world in private jets, you had a gorgeous, sexy girlfriend.  I thought it best to let sleeping dogs lie.” 

“You could have told me some things, Rye.  I would have liked to know.  I would have sent flowers to Mrs Everdeen’s funeral.  I liked Mrs Everdeen, she was troubled but she was kind to me.”

“I didn’t want to make things worse for you, Peeta.” Rye’s tone had taken on a slight edge of annoyance.  “Don’t you remember what you were like back then?  After you left home any time anyone tried to talk to you about Katniss, you snapped their heads off.  You made it very clear you didn’t want any information from back home, Everdeen related or otherwise.  So in the end it was best not to say anything.”

“I was hurting, Rye.  I was devastated and angry, thinking my girlfriend had cheated on me and lied to me.”

“I know Peeta, and I get that now. I’m sorry. I take full responsibility.” Rye looked away, his guilt and shame written all over his face.  

An uncomfortable silence settled between the brothers, neither knowing where to go from there.  Even through the haze of his own anger Peeta could see how deeply upset Rye was.

“No.” Peeta eventually broke the silence. “It’s not completely your fault Rye.  It’s mine too.  I should have trusted my girlfriend when she told me she loved me instead of believing the worst of her.  I should have listened to her version of events. Maybe if I didn’t always feel like I wasn’t good enough for someone like her to love, we could have resolved it.  I was always waiting for the other shoe to drop, testing her feelings, hoping if I showed her how much I loved her she would be more demonstrative when it wasn’t in her nature.”

“Back at the hotel, the day before the wedding, she said…” Rye trailed of, shaking his head.

“Back at the hotel she said what, Rye?” Peeta prompted.  “Don't stop now!.”

“She asked me if you were happy.  She made me promise to take care of you, for her.”

Peeta swallowed deeply, tears stinging behind his eyes.  Even this tiny sign that she still cared for him was too much.  

“Is there anything else, I should know? Any more surprises?” he cleared his throat, almost unable to speak.

Rye nodded hesitantly.  “There is one more thing,” he said, obviously troubled. “I promise this is the last of it.”

“Go on.”

“Somehow Mom found out about what happened, I don’t know how. Maybe she overheard me talking to Dad. She threatened Mrs Everdeen with Child Protective Services if Katniss went to the same school as you.”   

“Jesus Christ.”  The tears behind Peeta’s eyes finally began to fall.  He knew the threat of CPS would have terrified Katniss.  She’d confided her fears about her mother’s mental health to him many times, and was worried about leaving Prim to go to school.  He knew, with absolute certainty, that his mother making such a threat would have been enough to stop Katniss leaving for school, even if they hadn’t broken up.  She would never risk her sister ending up in foster care.

“Peeta, are you okay?”  Rye put his hand on his shoulder but Peeta shook it off and stood up.

“After everything else, it’s too much.  I don’t know what I’m supposed to do with all this new information Rye.  I think I need to talk to Dr Aurelius.”  Peeta wiped at his eyes and tried to compose himself, suddenly remembering where he was. 

“Everything you’ve told me tonight has turned everything I believed about Katniss upside down.  I spent years believing the worst of her and it burned a hole in my soul.   It changed me as a person.  Now I find out all this.  Our family destroyed her, Rye.  You, me, Mom.  We took away her chances.  I shouldn’t have let that happen, I was supposed to protect her, we protected each other.  I’m the one who let her down and needs her forgiveness, not the other way around.”

“For what it’s worth, even when you still believed the worst of her, you had already forgiven her.” Rye offered.  “You were ready to let go of the anger.  All it took was seeing her that day, on the steps of the hotel.”

“Maybe so.  But now I have more questions than I have answers.”  Peeta was so confused.  “This changes everything.”

“I think you should go find her and talk to her.  Get some closure.”

“Do you think she would she want to talk to me?” Peeta shook his head. “I didn’t just break up with her that day, I tore her apart, Rye.”  Peeta brought his hands up, rubbing his temples which were beginning to throb.   “I called her unforgivable names and told her to crawl back to the slag heap where she belonged.”  

“Peeta, you have to know how truly sorry I am.”  Rye’s voice shook with emotion. “I never meant to cause—"

Peeta put his hand up to stop him. “I know.  But what’s done is done.”  He pulled out his wallet, throwing a handful of notes on the table.  “I’m going to leave now.  I have a lot of thinking to do.”

He left the table and made his way across bar being careful to avoid catching the eye of any of the other diners.  On seeing him approach, Finch came straight over.

“Please see my brother’s room and tab are charged to my account,” he instructed smoothly.

“Of course, Mr Mellark.  Have a good evening, sir.”  With a smile she retreated to serve another customer.

“Peeta, wait.” As he turned he found Rye was standing closely behind him. “I’m worried.  We’re brothers.  All I ever wanted was what was best for you. Are we going to be okay?”

“I need some time, Rye.  I need to process how I feel about all this.  This… this was huge.  What happened that night changed the course of my life.”

“Fair enough.” His older brother watched with saddened eyes.  “I understand.  Please call me when you’re ready to talk.  I’ll be waiting.”

#Without looking back again, Peeta walked away.  He didn’t remember bidding goodnight to the doorman, or climbing into the cab that took him home.  He let himself into his apartment, chucking off his suit jacket and loosening his tie before heading straight to the kitchen where he grabbed a bottle of whiskey and a glass.

Peeta flung himself onto his sofa, exhausted, his arm flung across his eyes as he tried to reconcile everything Rye had told him.  He felt like a steamroller had run over him.

Katniss didn’t cheat on him.  Katniss didn’t lie to him.  It wasn’t real.

Katniss didn’t cheat on him.  Katniss didn’t lie to him.  It wasn’t real.

Katniss didn’t cheat on him.  Katniss didn’t lie to him.  It wasn’t real.

Again and again it went around and around in his head.  How it must have hurt her when he’d taken Rye’s word over hers.  How betrayed and alone she must have felt.  A sob caught in his throat. 

“Katniss, I’m sorry, I should have believed you,” he spoke into the shadows of the empty room, feeling hot tears finally burning a path down his cheeks, whether from sorrow or shame he didn’t know.  “I’m sorry, I love you, I’m sorry,” he sobbed until he finally passed out.

READ on AO3

[thebad---catholic]

My problems with AOS

Well here I am, 10 years late with an opinion no one asked for, but I have to write this down and throw into the void so that I can be at peace. I’ve been salty about this film franchise for a very long time now. This will mostly focus on Star Trek (2009) with the other two movies sprinkled in.

1. Starfleet

Honestly where do I even begin? In TOS, Starfleet was modeled after the navy (idk how accurately, but Roddenberry was in the air force so I’m assuming he’d know how all that works). You can get a feel for the chain of command, and everything feels natural with character ages and things like that. There’s a procedure for everything.

AOS Starfleet feels more like a high school club than an interplanetary exploration organization. Jim is supposed to be twenty-five when he gets the rank of captain- after he was almost expelled for cheating. He has no idea how to operate or run a starship. TOS Kirk moved through the ranks of Starfleet and was promoted on merit and leadership skills- he worked for his position.

Why was Jim the only person who knew what was happening when Nero showed up? Was there any requirements to joining to Starfleet other than get on the shuttle? Why did the linguist not know the difference between Vulcan and Romulan when they’re the linguist? How did Pike bypass the chain of command to appoint Jim Kirk as First Officer which was an obvious show of favoritism to someone was about to be thrown out of the academy? Why the fuck was he allowed to keep the title of captain? What the fuck?

Speaking of Jim.

2. Jim Kirk’s Character

I...don’t like Jim’s character in this film. It’s not terrible for a younger version of Kirk, but like I said though, there’s no reason Kirk should be this young. And in this one he’s just kinda a douche.

We know from TOS that Kirk gets around, but he genuinely cares for his exes, and in general respects women. He uses sex appeal as a strategy, but more than anything this comes off as a subversion of the femme fatal trope bc Kirk is a man. In the movie, he’s just a standard action movie protag who has lots of sex just because.

The scene when the Orion woman says she loves him and he replied “that’s so weird” is just...so weird? Like I can’t imagine Kirk doing anything in that situation than backing off and explaining that he doesn’t feel the same way. The scene continues with him hiding under the bed when Uhura walks in. Watching how the camera angle makes Jim out to be a voyeur made me uncomfortable then and it still does. It could be explained that Jim is trying to figure out Uhura’s identity or that he’s listening in and people look at who they’re listening to but like...she was in her underwear. You shouldn’t look at people while they’re getting undressed, especially when they don’t even know you’re there? Is that a hot take? Apparently.

In TOS there’s this really nice scene in This Side of Paradise(S1E24) where the whole crew is high (again) and has abandoned ship, leaving Kirk to tend to things. We see Jim move around the ship with a little clip pad and make the proper checks. This is a captain who knows his stuff. That is the Kirk we should have seen if we’re going to see Jim become captain.

AOS kirk goes through a standard “stop being an asshole” arc commonplace for male protagonists, but this happens well past the point he should stop being an asshole. Either the AOS series should’ve been a prequel with Jim becoming captain at the end of the trilogy, or he should’ve been older with a completely different arc- maybe coming to terms with his rank? Imposter syndrome? Learning to trust his crew and building trust with them? Building a friendship with Spock and McCoy? There’s a lot to work with here.

3. Spock and Uhura’s relationship

Why. Like why. For what. Por Que.

I like giving Uhura a bigger role, I don’t like making her a love interest to do that.

It doesn’t make sense for either of their characters. Lieutenant Nyota Uhura, linguist expert who handles all transmissions to and from the enterprise- an icon of black women’s representation is now demoted to Spock’s nagging girlfriend. This bothers me more than a little bit.

It manages to make even less sense for Spock. A hallmark of Spock’s character is his duality. He struggles to combat his emotions and the human half of him. His repeating character arc in TOS is coming to terms with humanity while upholding the Vulcan way of life. Having him in an established romantic relationship before this arc is supposed to happen just makes for a boring romantic subplot about a relationship that shouldn’t happen and that I don’t care about.

TOS Vulcan culture is kinda shitty. Explicitly patriarchal and stuff, and also kinda racist against humans. The source of Spock’s inner conflict is not himself but a society that views him as lesser for being half human. However, one thing that I can certainly understand from a “logical” (logic in quotations bc racism and sexism is fucking stupid) people is ritualized arranged marriages. It just...makes sense to me that Vulcans would simply have their mates chosen for them and then marry that person and be done with it. Neat. Logical. Conformity.

This makes Spock and Uhura’s relationship even stranger. Why would Spock go so against conformity that he dates someone before he truly comes to terms with himself? Even if they throw out ponfarr and arranged marriage, it still doesn’t work but now it especially doesn’t work.

My personal theory is that Spock and Uhura’s relationship was established purely to make shippers shut up. It’s no secret Spirk is the most popular ship from TOS. I have no doubt they knew this while writing the movie. So to quietly wrap a no homo on Spock and Kirk’s friendship, they use Uhura as a prop to do so.

The teacher/student dynamic should only be relegated to fan fiction and the throwaway line about oral sensitivity makes me cringe. Every. Time.

4. McCoy

Karl Urbans performance is easily my favorite part of this movie. He captures DeForrest Kelley so well it hurts. He made Leonard Nimoy cry. His chemistry with Pine made McKirk go from the most underrated triumvirate ship in TOS to rival Spirks popularity in AOS. His scenes with Zachary Quinto are just *chefs kiss*.

So why doesn’t he have more of a role? The triumvirate is missing a third.

In particular, there’s a scene where Uhura, Kirk, and Spock make their way down to a planet to talk to a Klingon. I can’t remember which movie it was or why, but Spock and Uhura were bickering and Kirk remarks “can we do this later?”

The line was funny. It would’ve been golden if it was McCoy and not Uhura.

A fantastic performance by an underutilized character in a movie where that character should’ve been at the forefront.

5. Representation

I am skeptical of any movie that advertises diversity. Nonetheless, it made me happy to know Sulu was going to be gay. This is Star Trek after all, known for its diversity and large LGBT fan base, and an homage to George Takai who’s a gay man irl. So whatever.

The fact that I wasn’t expecting much says a lot about the current state of LGBT rep in media but this blink-and-you-miss-it shit is really starting to get to me.

I mean he jus- he doesn’t even give his husband a KISS. Like why.

6. Destroying Vulcan

WHY. Oh god why.

This isn’t Star Wars, JJ. We don’t do that here.

Imploding Vulcan was the most god awful shock value bullshit plot device I’ve ever seen in a movie and it was done entirely to make Spock sad. Besides the gaping plot hole of “why did Nero go back in time to destroy Vulcan when he could’ve just saved Romulus” I’m just grasping to find a purpose for this particular event. New fans don’t care at all about Vulcan while I was enraged that they would do Amanda that dirty.

It’s not just that they did that, it’s more that they did it like that. Vulcan’s destruction should’ve caused a federation wide meltdown as the biggest catastrophe in the entire franchise. If they were gonna make the stakes so pointlessly high, they should’ve treated the destruction of Vulcan exactly how they would treat the destruction of earth. There a million ways to treat that event with more gravity and million better plot lines that don’t involve G E N O C I D E

7. Miscellaneous petty bullshit because I’m a baby

-lower the fucking stakes Jesus Christ

-Don’t like the set. It’s bright and white and boring and gives me a headache. You don’t need a remake of the old set but like have fun ya know? Shit looks like an Apple store.

-Christine and I are the same in that we are both soft and are thirsty for Spock. Imagine my surprise to learn she wasn’t fucking there. Same with Janice but I’m more pressed about Christine. I don’t even remember the name of that blonde doctor lady who is Not Christine but i didn’t want her.

-The costumes in AOS look boring but still don’t feel like a uniform either. I deadass think Chris Pines outfit in the SNL skit looked better than the actual movie (minor adjustments needed)

-I didn’t notice this at first but someone pointed out that women’s uniforms don’t signify rank and now I can’t not see it. I don’t...think this movie treats women good? Or McCoy? Or just people who deserve better?

-Lens Flare

-I get why they did it but I don’t like that they misquoted the opening theme to say “no one” instead of “no man”. I probably wouldn’t have even notice except they gave the line to Uhura. Comes off as just a touch too “yay feminism” which is really rich coming from that treated Uhura like an object to be looked at when she wasn’t too busy being Spock’s emotional support gf, and completely cut two women from the main cast.

8. Conclusions

If I could describe these movies in one word it’d be generic. Which sucks because Star Trek far from generic.

They’re fun to watch but not think about. It was nice that I got to see a Star Trek movie in theaters. I just wish it as the same Trek I saw on TV.

[anastasiaskarsgard]

Can you write something where reader and Roman goes on a vacation but Roman barely pays attention to her and basically takes there relationship for granted by paying attention to other girls. Then reader snaps when he doesn’t come to the hotel room all night. She buys an early plane ticket back to HG and tells Roman there over since he wants to cheat and not pay attention to her. Then a week and half goes by where the reader doesn’t speak to him and his assistant calls reader and tells her to..

You swore If he bought one more round for his group of giggling, nearly naked “friends” at the pool on your vacation, you we’re leaving. The weekend get away you had planned and worried over for the past 3 months, trying to make both your busy schedules work together. This was supposed to be a bonding one on one time, but as soon as you arrived, what could pass for the swedish swimsuit team hadn’t left your boyfriends side.

Initially you thought they were just some brazen whores, with dollar signs in their eyes, and air in their heads going for the famous billionaire, and although that still accurately described them, they apparaently knew him. How Roman knew half a dozen supermodel swimsuit models was beyond you, but not in the least shocking.

“Why weren’t you at the show this year? I looked for you.” Poofy lipped Barbie asked as she ran a finger down his bare arm. “I was so sad, ask anyone.” She finished with an alluring pout.

You were gonna pull her fucking hair out.

“Oh she is telling you zee truth handsome! She looked so pouty. And not just cuz her lips too.” The other platinum blonde in the group whined. Of course she was French.

“You know I’m a busy man. I can’t go to every Victoria’s Secret show they put on. Even if all my favorite models are there waiting for me to kidnap them afterwards.” He drawled sexily as he winked at them and smirked.

That was it. You we’re leaving! But you weren’t going to make a scene. You wouldn’t give these bitches the satisfaction. You took a few calming breaths and walked up in front of Roman to remind him who he came with. Flashing your brightest smile, you got on you tip toes and whispered in his ear, “you were right. I should of worn my suit under this dress. I’m gonna go throw it on and be right back. Don’t get lost! Do you need anything from the room?” You looked up in his beautiful green eyes and refused to show any of the heartbreak you currently were feeling.

“No I’m good. Already got my suit on and I’m ready to swim. Who’s with me? Let’s gets another round and then everyone in the pool.” He glanced over to you and winked just like he had just done to the other girls and it steeled your resolve.

“Be right back!” You said merrily as you caught the sneer of disdain clearly present on half the girls faces, directed right at you, just as you turned towards your bungalow. Just when you thought that was it, you felt two strong arms wrap around you and you were spun around to be kissed quite passionately in front of his little fan club. Pulling away, you looked up in his smiling face.

“I love you. Miss you already!” He said as he released you and headed back to his lounge chair in the shade. You always joked around with him and called him your little vampire, since he really seemed to dislike it, in more than minuscule amounts.

If looks could kill, you’d be dead from the glares you got sent your way now. Every woman there was as readable as a billboard, and hardly made an effort to hide their intentions from Roman.

Making your way to the little beach bungalow, you decided maybe you were being crazy and over reacting. He just said he loved you in front of a bunch of supermodels! Was it really a huge deal he was nice to them? They were his friends, and after the huge fight you guys had last week over why you could have male friends, it’d be pretty hypocritical to get mad now.

Throwing your suit on, and putting your hair up in a messy bun, you grabbed your sunscreen and giant sunglasses and made your way back out to find your man. It was kinda funny you were wearing a Victoria’s Secret swimsuit too.

Laughing at how exciting life was with Roman Godfrey, you turned the corner bringing the pool into view and stopped dead in your tracks.

Roman currently had a Topless supermodel straddling his shoulders, as she very Unenthusiastically attempted to get her top back from the other supermodel straddling what appeared to be a Calvin Klein underwear model or fucking professional athlete, in what appeared to be a game of chicken.

All of a sudden it was all too much. They were all too much. Too tall, too gorgeous, too fit, too intimidating, too athletic, too perfect. Those girls were who he belonged with. You didn’t know who you were kidding.

While you know that you werent unattractive, and considered pretty in a lot of circles, you were not a freaking supermodel angel or whatever they called them. You were hurt and mad, but you were also realistic.

No longer in the mood to swim, you headed back to the bungalow and felt like you stuck in a haze. Deciding to lay down for a few minutes, you soon were fast asleep.

By the time you woke, it was very dark and you were still very alone. Turning to the clock it read 11:52pm. You lay there blinking at the clock. It was too late to catch a flight home, but every fiber of your being had no desire to look at your neglectful asshole now ex boyfriend . You weren’t going to think about that now. Right now you were calling the front desk and getting your own room.

Thirty minutes later and you had all your stuff moved to your own room, a flight booked for first thing in the morning, and a sympathetic female front desk person that thought very little of Roman godfreys treatment of his girlfriend. As long as she didn’t give up where you were, you were pretty sure you could get out in the morning realatively conflict free.

By the time 2 am rolled around and not even a text message, you resigned yourself to being cast aside. Turning off your phone and removing the SIM card, you swiftly walked to the bathroom and flushed it before you could think about it. That would at least stop her from being able to talk to him or get messages for a day or two.

That’s all she could mentally handle at this point. One day at a time.

One and half weeks later....

You stared at the ceiling listening to your ringtone for the umpteenth time in a row. Whoever they were, they were persistent. Luckily you really liked the song your phone played when it rang so you just kinda zoned out and wiggled to the beat.

When the song ended, and almost instantly began again, you huffed and marched over, grabbing the phone without looking at the caller ID. “Someone better be dead.”

“Excuse me? Um. I’m sorry to disappoint but everyone here is alive and well. However I have to request that you dress yourself in something business casual and get in the limousine waiting outside.” The clipped unmistakable tone of Romans assistant cane through the phone.

Staring ahead incredulously, you couldnt help but laugh out loud. “Is he insane? I’m not getting into a fucking car. It’s over. Tell him to call Malibu Barbie and eat a dick.”

“Mam, I’m afraid I have to insist that you get in the car. Please I am begging. He’s been a nightmare. He said if I failed to convince you to get in the car, then I’m fired. I am actively looking for new employment, but I can’t afford to be jobless. I know this is unprofessional, but please get in the car and have lunch with the man. That’s all he’s asking.” The assistant pleaded.

You knew Roman was difficult and treated his employees poorly at times. You didn’t want to see him but you also didn’t want anyone to get fired because of you. And free food never hurt anybody..

Famous last words....

“Ok. I’ll go.”

[illfoandillfie]

ok sorry but how many people do yall think rog has ever slept with cos i’m guessing four figures no lie

okay, i don’t normally respond to messages like this because, frankly, i dont really feel like its my place to speculate on roger’s sex life. Theres a difference between writing a fiction story with a character named after and inspired by him and discussing his actual personal life which i have no real knowledge about. What he gets up to in his free time is between him and the women he does it with. but i didn’t really feel able to ignore this one. please don’t take this as me telling you off or shutting you down or anything like that. If you want to speculate about roger’s body count thats up to you, go nuts with it. and i love when you guys message me and I don’t want to discourage you from feeling like you can talk to me or just send me your random thoughts or whatever about any subject. But I feel like I need to address why I disagree with this sentiment. Also so I can ask ya’ll to please stop asking me questions like this. 

So firstly, just to get this out of the way. 1000 is a lot. even 100 is a lot. I think if rog had slept with 1000+ people he’d have a least a few illegitimate kids and probably would have been checked into rehab for sex addiction (not to mention STIs and such because lbr people in the 70s specifically probs werent the most careful especially if drugs were involved). I mean even if we were going to say Rog got lucky with a different woman after every show we wouldn’t reach 1000. According to google, Queen played around 700 shows in their entire career. If we add shows played by The Cross thats only another 67 odd shows (according to wikipedia). 

now, i think there are 3 things that contribute to this idea of roger as especially promiscuous. 1. His attitude/demeanour/general way he sells himself. 2. the generally held conceptions about rock stars and rock star behaviour. and 3. what i’m going to call fandom dumbassery (but i mean that with a lot of love) 

So lets start with the man himself. Roger Taylor is loud and opinionated and not particularly humble. He knows he’s talented and attractive though for at least some time he was a little self-conscious about how feminine he looked. He’s always up for a laugh, likes to party and has admitted to enjoying his drink and his women. He’s had kids with two different women, who’s relationships “overlapped”, and is currently married to a third. At least that’s the perception we can gleam from his interviews, behind the scenes videos, and other public appearances. 

It’s easy to see how that image leads to accusations of being a womaniser and a cheater and basically a bit of a slut lmao. But here’s the thing. I think Roger, in part, markets himself that way. The thing is, if you look at his solo songs and the relationships he currently has with his kids and their mothers, and things other people have said about him/his relationships over the years, I think it’s fair to say he also has a bit of a romantic streak maybe? idk if thats the best way of describing it...he’s self confessed to not being a fan of marriage and the like but he’s not opposed to writing and singing love songs and seems to believe in ~love~ as a concept/power. He certainly cares deeply for those closest to him. Whether or not that translates to an agreement with monogamy I can’t say for certain. It’s hard to draw conclusions here because a lot of what we know of his personal life was fed to us through magazines and news paper gossip column articles and they were never looking for the truth, they were looking for scandal and sensationalism. 

For instance the whole thing with the overlapping relationships. I think most people who have read anything about roger and dom and debbie realise that it’s not as cut and dry as “he was cheating with debbie and left dom for her” even though that was the story being sold by the press at the time. The reality (or at least the version closer to reality since obviously no one outside of them and whoever they were closest with knows all the nitty gritty details) is that rog and dom had already split when they got married. it was a marriage of convenience to make sure her and the kids would be looked after financially etc even after he’d moved out. So while it looked to the public like he married one chick and 30 odd days later was spotted with another, there really wasn’t anything untoward happening.  I’m not saying he never had casual hookups or one night stands and i’m not saying he never cheated, but I do think some of it’s been exaggerated, whether by him to encourage the rock star perception or by newspaper/magazine articles.

Now, obviously, we have stories of rog, particularly in the late 60s and into the 70s, being with multiple women. There’s that bit in the Interview with a Queen “Groupie” (which is a fantastic read and i defs recommend checking it out if you havent already) where she talks about roger being a chick magnet and says that, at the time, it was pretty common to sleep about. But, she also says she didnt notice him doing it more or less than anyone else and seemed to mostly be with Jo (his girlfriend at the time). This is the same Jo that got a mention in the Queen in 3D book (”i think we all had the feeling that these two were together for life, but it was not to be”). Conversely, we have that quote (which i cannot find rn but i’ll link it when i do) about roger sometimes having one girl upstairs while another waited in the garage for them to be finished. I think it was about Rog in the mid-late 60s in Truro but whatever. Obviously he wasn’t anywhere near celibate and it’s likely was sleeping with people outside of his relationship(s). But one has to assume that as he got older those kinds of antics stopped happening, at least as frequently.

There is one potential story that I remember reading somewhere along the way about Roger cheating on Debbie while she was pregnant. But, take that with a grain of salt because I can’t find the article again and also I think it was from like The Sun or something equally as rubbish. The press was notoriously always printing mean shit about the boys and that might have been another thing they published to create scandal. Even so, if we assume it’s legit that is still only 1 story. Not to throw him under the bus but Brian is the one with multiple confirmed affairs, who literally wrote songs about it all. So why is Roger the one with sleazy reputation? 

This is where my second and third points come in. There is a pervasive idea about what it means to be a rock star. The whole trashing hotel rooms, sleeping with groupies, passing out drunk every night thing. And I’m sure that Queen was like that to an extent. I think it’s pretty common knowledge that all of them got up to shit on the road. Between innuendo laden interviews and songs, videos and accounts of their parties, stories CT has put online, and other stories like the one of Roger bringing out lines of coke as dessert when he was having dinner with motley crue. They definitely embraced the rock and roll lifestyle. And I think with Roger’s personality being what it is, it’s easy to link him to those traditional rock star tropes and say it was all true all the time. I also think Roger has done nothing to counter those beliefs. He’s been open about how he wanted to be a rock star since the minute he picked up a guitar, he’s labelled himself as a great lay in magazines, he’s joked about girls pulling their tits out over dinner in interviews (though he said he didnt take her home), he’s written songs like One Night Stand and Dirty Mind and Airheads which explicitly mention his preference for women and alcohol. I think it’s fair to say he’s kind of encouraged that view of himself. Whether it was just a side effect of being part of such a well known band and having such a boisterous demeanour/personality, or whether it was intentional as a version of promotion i don’t know. maybe a mix of them? I mean I’m sure it didn’t hurt sales and stuff. it’s the whole guys want to be him, girls want to be with him thing, right? Maybe that’s just me being cynical though lmao. 

Anyway, the fandom brain has taken all of that and compressed it into memes and jokes about rog being the band slut. Which i’m not complaining about, lord knows i’ve made the same jokes and reblogged the same posts and used those tropes in my fics. They’re funny and lend themselves to interesting fic concepts. Plus, i think roger is the sort of person who would probably laugh about most of it. But it’s an idea that keeps feeding into itself through fandom, perpetuating what is probably a misguided view of his personal life.

Again, I am sure he’s had his fair share of fun and I’m not trying to make out that he was always perfect or whatever, but I don’t think he’s been with as many women as the popular discourse would imply and I certainly don’t think he’s in the 4 digit numbers. 

[midnight-aether]

Why Vox by Christina Dalcher is not a good novel: Review & Analysis

The premise of this novel is incredibly interesting, don’t get me wrong: Vox (2018) is about a dystopian future, in which US American women are only allowed to speak 100 words per day and must wear a bracelet that shocks them if they go over that limit. Women also aren’t allowed to write, read or use sign language. The main character is a genius linguist called Jean who hates every man in her life, including her husband Patrick and her own sons.

The first sentence already tells us three things about this novel: (1) it’s told from a first-person perspective, which means the reader will be aware of the protagonist’s every thought, (2) the oppressive regime in the novel goes by the name of Pure Movement, so it’s probably going to have something to do with religion, and (3) the action takes place in the span of a week, which I feel like it’s a huge spoiler for the fact that I won’t care for any of the characters at the end of the book, since there’s only so much character development that can happen in that time.

If anyone told me I could bring down the President, and the Pure Movement, and that incompetent little shit Morgan LeBron in a week’s time, I wouldn’t believe them.

There will be spoilers from this point on.

The Setting and the Protagonist

The main character in Vox, Dr. Jean McClellan, is a specialist researcher in the field of aphasia, that is, according to Wikipedia, “an inability to comprehend or formulate language because of damage to specific brain regions”. At some point in the novel we are made aware that a colleague of Jean’s, with her help, has discovered a cure for aphasia, even though they are both linguists and neither a chemist nor a medical researcher. However, she was unable to publish this discovery, due to the conveniently timed sexist apocalypse that stripped her of all her academic titles, as the reader is often reminded.

Jean is married to her husband Patrick and has four children with him:  three boys and a girl. Jean evidently resents every man in her family,  especially Patrick and their 17-year-old son, Steven. Apparently they’ve  all been very quickly indoctrinated to believe women shouldn’t be  allowed to speak, so they treat Jean and Sonia, the daughter,  accordingly.

There is a whole subplot about Steven, but it’s so plain and uninteresting that there isn’t much to say about it. Basically, he is all for the Pure Movement and their ideals of purity for women, but then still sleeps with his high school girlfriend and proceeds to tattle on her. When she is taken away to a camp, he realizes his mistake a leaves to save her. At some point he is captured by the Movement and ridiculed on TV. Jean doesn’t really care that he’s gone, but is pleasantly surprised when he reappears at the end safe and sound.

At this point, the Pure Movement has only been in power for less  than a year and a half. This movement is very overtly described as a Christian uprising that originated within the bible belt  and had spread to the entirety of the USA. The followers of the  Movement also adopt overly conservative views on gender roles, marriage  and sex, leaving very little doubt about the roots of the oppressive regime in Vox.

The Plot

The main intrigue in Vox begins when the brother of the US president starts suffering from aphasia after a “skiing accident” and the government comes to Jean for help, despite her being a woman in a society that literally won’t let women speak. Why do they come to her instead of going to any other male scientist? Because apparently Jean is the best linguist in the whole country... even though, as far as the government (and the reader) knows, she’s only been researching aphasia for a couple of years and hasn’t found a cure yet. Well, the author herself has a doctorate in linguistics (not in the field of aphasia), which brings me to my first problem with this novel: the blatant and, quite frankly conceited, self-insert.

You may have noticed that I wrote “skiing accident” in quotation marks on the last paragraph. That’s because it’s hinted a couple of times throughout the novel that the president’s brother was actually injured on purpose by the government, but this turns out to be false. Later it seems like he was never even injured in the first place, but this is never clearly resolved, as the character himself never appears “onscreen”; however, it’s not a cliffhanger that perpetually haunts the reader.

Back to the story: Jean agrees to help because, by taking the job, she and her daughter get to remove the shock bracelets for the duration of the research. The government then proceeds to give Jean one week (remember the novel’s first sentence) to produce a cure that, to the best of their knowledge, hasn’t even been found yet. If that sounds like a stretch, they even let her work with her old research team of three people, which is supposed to fully convince the reader that a week is a completely plausible time frame to discover, produce, test and approve a cure for an illness.

The Side Characters

This team is composed of Jean, her former colleagues Lin and Lorenzo, and their supervisor Morgan, who you might remember from the novel’s opening sentence. Morgan is apparently an idiot linguist who is very unfit for his position, which is supposed to show how twisted the society in Vox is, as they put the dumb people in charge just because they’re men, and silence the smart women. What it actually does is show that this version of the USA apparently only has a handful of linguists and no other skilled scientists.

This is the novel’s description of Lin:

Lin Kwan is a small woman. I often told Patrick she could fit in one of my pant legs – and I’m only five and a half feet and 120 soaking wet, thanks to the stress diet I’ve been on for the past several months. Everything about her is small: her voice, her almond eyes, the sleek bob that barely reaches below her ears. Lin’s breasts and ass make me look like a Peter Paul Rubens model. But her brain – her brain is a leviathan of gray matter. It would have to be; MIT doesn’t hand out dual PhDs for nothing.

Here we learn that Lin is small, not conventionally attractive (read: small boobs and ass), and finally that she is incredibly intelligent. For some reason, Jean finds it important to describe Lin’s curves, as well as her own, before mentioning Lin’s intelligence. No, this novel was not written by Michael Bay. Also, for representation’s sake, Lin is Asian and a lesbian, yet every other major character in this novel is a white straight person.

Well, there is another lesbian in this story, actually. Jean’s old college roommate, Jackie Juarez, who Jean hasn’t seen since before the machocalypse. We get to know Jackie through flashbacks: the novel tries to portray her as this loud, over-the-top feminist who often tries to make Jean join the rallies and protests against the growing Pure Movement. Alas, Jean chooses to focus on school instead of going to protests and forever regrets this, thinking that if only she had fought, she might have changed history.

I don’t know how to feel about this novel’s depiction of Jackie. She is made out to be a stereotypical feminist lesbian, who actively protests against the uprising of the Pure Movement, and yet whose efforts are in vain. Here is an excerpt that characterizes how Jean sees Jackie, and therefore how the reader is supposed to see her:

“You have to vote, Jean,” [Jackie] said, throwing down the stack of campaign leaflets she’d been running around campus with while I was prepping for what I knew would be a monster of an oral exam. “You have to.”

“The only things I have to do are pay taxes and die,” I said, not holding back the sneer in my voice. That semester was the beginning of the end for Jackie an me. I’d started dating Patrick and preferred our nightly discussions about cognitive processes to Jackie’s rants about whatever new thing she had found to protest.

Here you can see that Jean clearly dismisses Jackie and “whatever new thing she had found to protest”, and instead muses about what an intellectual she is. I understand that this is a flashback, and it’s supposed to show that Jean was wrong not to care about protesting the Pure Movement, but this is told from present Jean’s perspective, so it’s clear she still rolls her eyes at Jackie’s activism in general. It feels like Vox is trying to say that actively expressing your ideas and concerns is useless, since Jean eventually overthrows the government with science and not through activism – and it even takes her no longer than a week to do it, as we learn at the beginning of this novel. There is a lot to unpack here,  but I still wouldn’t recommend thinking too hard about the ideas in this book.  

Jackie only becomes relevant to the plot towards the end. At some point she is held hostage by the government, so that Jean is forced to finish her work. Why the government chose to kidnap Jean’s old college roommate who she hasn’t seen or spoken about in years instead of, say, her daughter, we will never know. In the end, Jackie is only there so that Jean can save her and “redeem” herself for not having been there for Jackie in the past.

Lorenzo, the last member of the team, is Jean’s love affair since way before the Pure Movement effectively took over. The novel likes to remind the reader that Jean is with the Italian hunk Lorenzo because she despises her husband Patrick, so that makes cheating okay. Eventually we learn that Jean is pregnant with Lorenzo’s child, so he offers to let her escape with him to Italy as his wife. Yet Jean can’t allow herself to leave without her daughter Sonia – she’s fine with never seeing any of her sons again, though. She considers this for a while as she works on the cure for aphasia.

The Ending

At some point during the week, Lin disappears (we later learn she was imprisoned due to big gay activity). Jean and Lorenzo announce that they’ve discovered the cure and even test the serum on a random neighbour of Jean’s who happens to have aphasia as well. Also, Jean’s mother had an aneurysm earlier that week and also started suffering from aphasia. The government is pleased with the results and take the serum away.

Later, Morgan, the supervisor, takes Jean and Lorenzo to a strange lab underground to have them further develop the cure. There they walk through a hallway full of chimpanzees in cages, and there is a bizarre scene in which Jean gets too close to a cage and is attacked by a chimpanzee. There is no purpose to this scene other than to shock the reader, honestly. Here, the novel briefly, yet disrespectfully brings up a very real woman who was mauled by a chimpanzee in 2009 and managed to survive (Wikipedia link, no pictures), by having Jean think something along the lines of “oh no, I don’t want to end up like her!” during the attack.

Jean is fine, obviously. We’re over 200 pages in and nearing the end of the novel when the first interesting development happens in the form of a plot twist: the government has been using their cure in order to create an anti-serum that gives people aphasia. Their plan is to create a more effective means to silence women, of course, since they  wouldn’t be able to comprehend or formulate language any more. When Jean discovers this, she wants to quit, but is forced to stay when they reveal they’ve been keeping Jackie, Lin and Lin’s girlfriend hostage in the same building for this very occasion. And maybe also Steven back at that camp, but we don’t even care about him at this point.

The climax of the story arrives, and everything happens so quickly the reader doesn’t have time to digest it. I had to reread what actually happened at the end, because I couldn’t remeber it anymore. I’ll try to recreate the pacing of the ending in the following paragraph, so you can understand what I mean:

Jean and Lorenzo save the lesbians (who are the only likeable characters, so that made me happy), Morgan dies, I think, and they escape with the anti-serum. Patrick appears and decides to help, so they send him to the White House with an anti-serum bomb that suceeds, giving the president and all evil politicians aphasia. Patrick is killed during this, freeing Jean from their marriage and allowing her to escape with Lorenzo and all of her children, whom she suddenly stopped resenting. The Pure Movement collapses and all is well, thanks to... well, thanks to Patrick and Lorenzo.

Conclusion

Vox is a mess of a novel. The characters are unlikeable, the plot is badly paced and the ending is too sudden. I really didn’t care about what happened to any character at any point, which is incredibly disappointing. Additionally, there are many things wrong with the political message in Vox, namely the idea that all religious people are inherently evil and that men generally wish to control and silence women. The premise was good, the writing was fine, but the performance was terrible, unfortunately. Vox feels like it was rushed to come out in time for the dystopian fiction craze of 2017-18 caused by the release of The Handmaid’s Tale TV series. Hopefully we’ll see better work from the author in the future.

Blog | Goodreads

[pamelalillian-isley]

Old Wounds

I feel like I need to get things off of my chest. Things that have been bothering me for some time now. Things I thought I have overcome. 

 I have been told by friends, that I am strong and powerful and that I take no shit. And when it comes to their wellbeing- I am most definitely the protector and the healer.  But when it comes to myself...all those words of hope and wisdom seem to just sit on the surface. 

I haven’t been in a serious relationship since 2017. And it’s not for lack of trying. I had one “boyfriend” and it lasted a month. Before that, I was in a relationship for 7 years with an emotionally and mentally abusive man. I won’t get into describing him or who he was- as I don’t have anything positive to say about him. But I will tell you about his actions, and how they weakened me. 

I had to beg for things that should be standard. I had to beg to be touched, beg to be treated like a girlfriend. He would sit in his computer chair playing video games all the time. When I’d come over, and we wanted to watch a movie together- he never say next to me on the bed or couch or even cuddled. He was always in the chair. Needless to say our sex life was garbage because it was hard to initiate things with someone who’s head is always in a video game. I am a casual gamer myself, and tried to get him to play games with me- but he always made up some excuse as to why he couldn’t. 

Whenever a holiday came around where gifts are given (birthday, xmas, valentines, and our anniversary)- the effort was always subpar. Excuses I heard for why I received no gift, frequently were “the package is delayed” “its on backorder” and “it arrived broken so i had to send it back.” As far as the rest of the effort to make something special...it didn’t exist. Flowers? Happened ONCE, and it was because I told my best friend to suggest to him that he get me flowers for my birthday. Making plans always landed on me. He always asked “what do you want to do for valentines day/our anniversary/ your birthday” I had to provide the plans. Meaning whatever the activity was, and whatever the restaurant was - I had to pick. Whenever it was something for him (his birthday) I planned surprise parties, a dinner at a fancy expensive steak house he always wanted to try, I planned bbq’s and parties. I cooked his favorite dinners. I did what any normal woman would do for someone she loves. The energy I gave, was not returned.

I started to think, maybe I’m asking too much. Maybe I am being unreasonable? Maybe guys aren’t like they are in movies. Maybe I am being too hard on him and he’s trying his best. What guy actually tells his girlfriend she’s beautiful? That only happens in movies... 

He wasn’t trying his best. He would manipulate me into feeling bad for asking for things that should be standard. He made me feel guilty for wanting affection. He made me feel like I was needy. He would accuse me of flirting or cheating, or he would get weirdly aggressive (not physically) if another man was being nice to me. He hated that I had male friends from college and from my days of playing xbox live. He called my friends sluts and cheaters (they aren’t). He would gaslight me into thinking I was nuts. One day I came over, and when I went to kiss him...his mouth...smelled like pussy. But what did I do? I was beaten down into thinking I was nuts...I denied it. I chalked it up to me jumping to conclusions and I never even mentioned it to him. Come to find out years later- he was cheating on me...with a very close friend OF MINE. And he was doing it on and off the entirety of our relationship. 

I never looked through his phone or asked for passwords. I respected his privacy...but my gut started to tell me something was wrong. After years of crying to my best friends about how unhappy I was, I started to become suspicious of things. After I’d leave his house for the night, I would drive about 10 minutes away, and then drive pass his house to see if *her* car was there. (I was suspicious about them for a while...but i NEVER had solid proof or evidence. And i never even tried to bring it up, because he would gaslight me and say things like ‘are you sure YOU aren’t cheating and you have a guilty conscience so you’re accusing me?’) 

So my anxiety got worse, as did my depression. I have tons of other stories and examples of him being a piece of shit- but we’d be here all day, and this is already long af.

 Until one day I just couldn’t do it anymore. I woke up from a nightmare. In my dream I had basically faded away into someone I didn’t recognize. I basically turned into his mother. Not his mother like I babied him and mothered him. But I mean, I was in the same position as his mother. In real life, his mother was miserable. She hated her husband (his father). She was financially dependent on him and couldn’t work due to health issues. She dealt with a verbally, emotionally and physically abusive man. She let herself go. She gained weight, stopped doing her hair and makeup. She stopped dressing nice. She became a shell of who she was. And she would come into the room when I was over, and she’d talk to me and say shit like “I wish I had money. I’d take my kids and gtfo” (my ex had a younger brother). In hindsight, I think she was trying to warn me. I think whenever she came in to vent and to talk and say things like “i wish I could leave him”- i think she saw what was happening...and I think she was dropping hints.  Anyway, in my dream....my life ended up just like hers. 

I woke up in a panic and sweaty. I called him and told him I couldn’t do it anymore. I told him it was over. That I wasn’t happy, and I didn’t want to beg him for attention. I didn’t want to beg him to treat me like a girlfriend. Afterword he went on facebook and posted “7 years down the drain with a phone call” as his status. THE FUCKING AUDACIDTY. A few days later he wanted to meet up to talk. I thought he was going to come clean, or apologize for being a shit head and try to get me back. No. Instead he took that opportunity to shit on me. All those things he told me he loved about me, he used against me. He said I emasculated him. He said I was too aggressive, too needy, too much. He then accused me of infidelity and yelled “you can go back to whoever you’re fucking now" as we walked away to our separate cars. 

A week after I broke up with him, I had found out that he was indeed cheating on me with that girl, the entire time. I found out, that because I was out of the picture, they were openly together. To my surprise I wasn’t pissed. I laughed. I actually laughed for a solid 5 minutes. I felt....vindicated. Because what my gut had told me the entire time WAS true. I WASN’T crazy. I knew it the whole fucking time. 

And now I was free. To be honest I ended up spiraling out a bit. Got into cocaine and alcohol to numb the feeling that I wasted 7 years with someone like that. I was so angry at myself for not leaving sooner, for ignoring those red flags, for losing myself and who I was. I stayed in that spiral of doom for about a year.

 Things started to get better and I thought “lets try some casual dating.” What a terrible idea. Not only had I just gotten over the trauma, but I hadn’t fully healed. My worth felt....worthless. The bar was SO FUCKING LOW, that I attracted total idiot fuck boys. “Oh my god he called me beautiful”  *insert eyeroll here*

Its been 4 years now. I do want to be in a relationship. I have tried. But it always comes up short. They either don’t want to commit, or they’re alcoholics, or they’re misogynists'. Mostly its been men who don’t want to commit. Everyone just wants to fuck and run. I tried the fun, no strings attached thing. It got old really fast. Either I caught feelings, OR the sex ended up being boring because I prefer sex with emotions. I prefer being really into someone romantically when having sex. So FWB isn’t for me. 

But I am slowly accepting that maybe I won’t ever meet anyone. That maybe I’ll be that cool wacky aunt to my friends kids. A majority of my friends are married and some already have kids. I am already their crazy auntie. And maybe that’s my roll in life. Maybe I will be that woman who never marries, but travels the world and experiences life and has amazing stories and wisdom. 

But deep down inside....I’d really like to know what it feels like to be loved. I am loved by friends and family. But I have never experienced what its like to be loved romantically. I have never been kissed by someone who loves me. 

[hiddentheme]

ALIYANA LOPEZ ➝  FIRST SIBLING

FULL NAME:  Aliyana Sofia Lopez.

BIRTH ORDER: First.

BIRTHDAY: June 12th.

OCCUPATION: Manager for Goldmine Jewelry.

PARENTS: Maribel and Julian are married.

HOMETOWN: Los Angeles, California.

ORIENTATION: Homosexual/Homoromantic.

RESIDENCY: Hidden hills resident for twenty years.

A LOOK INTO HER LIFE ➝  BIOGRAPHY

When people thought of the infamous Aliyana Lopez; there was really one word that came to mind. Liar. Since the moment that she could talk, she loved receiving attention. That’s just the way she always was. It made sense when she was the only child. Her parents may not have been rich when she was born, but they made up for it with unconditional love. They spoiled Ali as much as they could; even managing to get her an expensive toy on occasion. It was perfect. Then Maribel got pregnant. Now don’t be mistaken; Ali absolutely loved all of her siblings. There was no one she loved more. Only now, she had to share her parents with somebody. The attention wasn’t all on her anymore. They had other children to think about. Add that to the fact that her father was going to medical school; while her mother worked multiple jobs to get by. The time she had with her parents was starting to fade away. They tried their hardest; they really did, but having multiple kids and jobs wasn’t easy. That’s when the tall tales began.

Ali was around five years old when she started lying. At first; it was little white lies. She was tell her teacher a kid was acting up, or maybe she would tell her parents that her siblings did something they hadn’t. Pretty much anything to get praise from an adult. Then her lies started piling up more and more. She told kids that her family was wealthy and she could have anything she wants. It got to the point where her parents heard the rumors around town. They wondered why people would ever listen to the words of a six year old; considering everyone knew how much they struggled. Maybe they were hoping the rumors were true, so they can snatch up some money themselves. They weren’t true, though. At least, not at first. The idea that they had money originally came from Maribel. Ali had always had expensive taste; even as a child. She had to have the most expensive toys. It broke her parents’ hearts when they couldn’t get them for her, but they were sure they could someday. They used to tell her that when the day was right; all of their hard work will pay off. They’ll have plenty of money and wold never have to struggle again. It sounded like a dream to Ali. One that eventually did come true.

Two years later and Ali’s lies were suddenly reality. Her father had finished medical school and was finally starting his job as a doctor. They weren’t filthy rich yet, but they were more than comfortable. As Julian began his promising new career; Maribel began one of her own. She had supported her husband’s dreams; now he was going to support hers. And what she dreamed of being was a singer. With the voice of an angel; all she really needed was her big break. She went out there and did whatever she could to get the attention of some big time record companies. She played on the streets, in bars, even late night clubs. Anywhere that would hire her. Until one day, she got the big break she had been looking for. While performing one night in a bar; she ran into a man who would someday make her a household name. He went by the name Sandy and claimed to be a big time talent agent. It turns out; he wasn’t full of crap. Although, they thought he was at first. By the end of the year; Maribel had released her first album. It seemed so fast for her, but it was really a long time coming. Soon, she was packing her family out of a three bedroom apartment and moving to a place that would change their lives forever.

Hidden Hills seemed like the perfect place to raise their family. Julian and Maribel wanted to give their children everything they never had growing up. Since Ali was the oldest and only eight at the time; they knew they had plenty of time to give their children everything. And they did. Moving to Hidden Hills was like coming home for Ali. It was everything she dreamed it would be and more. She had her own room, she went to private schools, and she had anything she ever wanted. All she had to do was ask. Her parents thought they were doing the right thing. After all, they deserved it. They worked long and hard to be able to give their kids everything. They had no idea the way it would effect them. Especially Aliyana. She was a sassy little girl with an attitude of someone much older. She had become, for the lack of a better word, a diva. On the rare occasion when she didn’t get her way, she wold throw a tantrum like her parents had never seem before. Sure, she was always a bit of a handful, but this was different. She had become entitled. As she got older, it only got worse. Much worse.

High school was the best time of Ali’s life. She was obsessed with being popular, so of course she did whatever she could to climb to the top. She was a cheerleader, homecoming queen, prom queen. She would promise people things; like tickets to her mother’s concerts, or backstage passes to places that she didn’t have access to. Most of her fellow students knew that she was full of crap, but they humored her anyway. Some of them dealt with her just to say they were friends with Maribel Lopez’s daughter. Others would do it to avoid her little tantrums, which only got worse when she was a teenager. She would walk around with her head held high; pretty much demanding all of the attention from her peers. None of them knew how much of an act it really was. Although she had a sense of entitlement, she was also an insecure girl. She was sixteen when she discovered that she liked girls, which scared her at first. Until the day she finally came out. Then everyone was talking about her. Mostly saying that she was full of crap. They all believed she was lying at first, considering how much she loved attention. This was 100% true, though. She didn’t care who believed her.

As amazing as high school was for Ali; she was ready to move on from it. She had accomplished everything she had wanted in Hidden Hills. Now it was time to concur the real world. She thought that she was ready. Despite being shallow and only caring about her popularity; she was actually very smart. She had maintained a nearly perfect GPA throughout high school. There were a lot of colleges who were interested in having Maribel Lopez’s daughter, but there was only one she was interested in. Harvard University. She couldn’t wait to go and show them what she could do. Just like high school was a breeze, she expected college to be the same. She was wrong. Very wrong. Once she started there; no one cared who her parents were. No one listened to her stories and no one cared about how smart she was in high school. It was all new to her. She was struggling in her classes and hardly anyone was interested in being her friend. She had a few close ones, but most of the time she was alone. She almost quit after a year, but something kept her there. Someone actually. Someone who really believed in her. That changed everything.

Aliyana Lopez was in love. For the first time in her life; she met someone who was interested in her. Someone who didn’t want Maribel Lopez’s daughter; or someone who fell for one of her fake personalities. She actually found a woman who wanted her. Who believed in her. It made Ali believe in her too. She began taking her classes more seriously. Instead of getting frustrated; she worked even harder to understand the material. And she was good. Before she even knew it; graduation day was coming. She was about to prove to everyone that she could make it on her own. Everything seemed perfect. Until it wasn’t. On the outside; Ali had it all. A gorgeous girlfriend, a hefty trust fund, and a promising future. Things were great. However, on the inside, things weren’t at all what they seemed. She doesn’t know why she always screws up when things are going good for her, but that was exactly what she had done. Despite being cool on the outside; her insecurities were fighting her on the inside. She couldn’t understand how all of these good things were happening to her. In a moment that could only be described as panicked; she made a horrible mistake. One she truly wanted to take back.

Why did you do it, Ali? That was something she would ask herself often. Everything was so good? How could you screw it all up? The answer was simple, really. She was an idiot. Only days away from graduation and she couldn’t have been happier. She was going to find a job and move in with her amazing girlfriend. It should have been one of the happiest times of her life. Instead; it was one of the hardest. That’s what happens when you cheat on the person you love. They tend to fall out of love quickly. Or maybe they don’t, but they definitely don’t trust you anymore. Feeling the lowest she’s ever felt; she packed up all of her things and went straight home. She still attended her graduation, but it wasn’t the same. She wasn’t happy anymore. The excitement she felt for her new life was gone. Maybe she really wasn’t made to live outside of the sheltered life she was used to. It’s not like Hidden Hills was bad. It had everything she ever wanted. She even found a great job! But it didn’t quite feel like home anymore. And she wasn’t really sure if it ever would.

[harrys-kiwi]

Not Your Decision

summary: (y/n) and Shawn lead the perfect life, they are married with kids and everything is great until she finds out about something that happened many years ago.

request: hi could you write something about shawn cheated on reader before they had children and after she found out (you can do whatever you like for the end) thank uuu

category and warnings: fluff, then angst. cheating. I think maybe three swear words.

authors note: enjoy an angsty husband!Shawn piece. Feedback is very much appreciated. Requests are open.

word count: 2.7k

If you had asked a teenaged (y/n) what she wanted her life to look like in the future, she would have described her life now. She never thought that it would be attainable, but somehow things fell into place, and she thanked her lucky stars every day for putting her husband and kids into her life. 

Despite the odds being stacked against them, Shawn and (y/n) managed to power through all the tough times (tours, rumors, hate, never being able to spend time alone in public) and came out stronger than ever. The love between the two of them was immense, and it was obvious to anyone who saw the pair. It didn’t take long for them to tie the knot, and a few years later they had welcomed two beautiful children into their lives.  

Everything was perfect, until it wasn’t anymore.

It was a day like any other, (y/n) had woken up her husband with a chaste kiss to his lips and he had tried to keep her in bed but she had to get breakfast ready. He pouted playfully, pulling her in for another kiss before getting up to get dressed. She made breakfast and got the kids ready for the day, kissing her husband and daughter at the door as he drove his eldest to preschool. She spent the rest of the morning with her baby boy, thankful when he finally lay down for an afternoon nap.

(y/n) heard the doorbell ring as she finished pouring the chardonnay into two tall wine glasses. She was expecting Brian’s “new” girlfriend Sophie over for lunch, they had hung out several times and she had grown very fond of the girl. She hoped Brian would keep her around, there was something very special about her. She rushed to the door, enveloping Sophie into a hug.

“I’m so glad to see you! It’s been too long, how have you been?” she gushed to her friend, ushering her into the house. 

“I’ve been great, (y/n)! How about you? How are the kids?” she smiled back. The two girls delved into conversation, munching on the food (y/n) had prepared. They settled on the couch when they finished, each with their glass of wine in hand as they began to talk about their men. She saw Sophie tense up as she began gushing about Shawn, and what a great father he was to their two children. 

“Is everything okay, Soph?” She inquired. She was met with sympathetic eye contact as the other girl downed her glass of wine, placing it on the coffee table and turning to look her friend in the eyes.

“(y/n), I think there’s something you should know.” 

(y/n) set her glass down as well, leaning back and turning toward her friend. 

“Yesterday, Brian and I were talking about some things, and I asked him if he’s ever kept a big secret from me. He said that he has, but that it shouldn’t bother me because it’s not about him or me. I asked him who it was about and he didn’t want to answer at first, but then he told me it was about Shawn.” (y/n)’s breath hitched, wondering what this could be about. She had been married to this man for ten years now, surely she knew everything about him that there was to know. She calmed herself with this thought and returned her attention to Sophie.

“I told him that since it’s about Shawn he can tell me, but he said that this was too big to share with me. He told me that he’s the only one who knows about this and that if it ever got out, the consequences would be terrible. He told me not to mention it again, but I think you deserve to know, (y/n).”

“What did he tell you?” (y/n) gulped, trying desperately to reassure herself.

“He didn’t tell me anything. He told me to let it go, but he was acting too secretive for it to be an innocent secret. I’m sorry for bringing it up honey, but I really like you and I would want you to do the same for me.” Sophie said, looking at the confused woman in front of her, trying to read her. (y/n) reached over and grabbed Sophie’s hand, rubbing it gently and thanking her. Although she tried to continue with the conversation, she couldn’t bring herself to focus on anything other than what her friend had revealed to her. 

(y/n) heard the baby cry as she rushed to tend to him, cuddling him into her and making her way back downstairs. Sophie didn’t stay for much longer, sensing that her friend needed to be alone. The rest of the day was hell for (y/n). She racked her brain for things that Sophie might have meant and although she knew her husband wasn’t guilty of anything bad, she couldn’t shake the feeling that this secret was something not even she knew about. 

When she heard the door unlock in the evening signalling her husbands return, she took note of her sweaty palms. He yelled out his usual greetings before coming into the kitchen with a wide smile, pulling his wife into him and kissing her passionately. (y/n) felt herself instantly relax in his hold, and she mentally kicked herself for being so nervous the whole day. This was her husband. She loved him more than anything and he loved her more than anything.

The three of them sat at the table for dinner, Shawn and (y/n) listening to their daughter as she went on about everything that had happened to her today. (y/n) looked over at her husband, seeing his playful enthusiasm as he questioned his daughter about the details of the events she had related to them, and she felt her insides warm up. 

She was just finishing the cleaning of the kitchen when she felt two strong arms wrap around her, and a kiss being planted on her neck. She giggled and turned in her husbands embrace, hands finding their way into his hair as she pulled him in closer for a kiss. They both smiled into it, content with just holding each other in the kitchen for a few moments. Shawn kissed his wife’s forehead before pulling back and sitting on one of the barstools.

“Now, I wanna hear all about your day baby.” He smiled, as (y/n) leaned on the kitchen island across from him.

“Well it was the same as always, except Sophie came over for lunch.” She related.

“Brian’s Sophie?” He asked.

“Yes, I really like her. I hope Brian keeps her around, she’s good for him.” (y/n) gushed.

“She seems sweet.” He nodded, picking at his nails.

“She actually said something a bit strange!” (y/n) giggled, looking over at her husband.

“Oh yea? If it’s about their sex life then please spare me.” The two of them laughed in unison, (y/n) grimacing as she stood up straighter.

“No, thank god no. She said that Brian told her that he knows a secret about you that only he knows. He didn’t tell her what it was, but I am very excited to hear all about it.” She wiggled his eyebrows at him, still smiling playfully. But Shawn’s shift in demeanor brought back the slight twist in her stomach she had felt the whole day. 

“I don’t know what she’s talking about,” he forced a smile, “but I’m pretty sure it’s nothing I haven’t already told you.”

“Is that so?” (y/n) quizzed. She didn’t like that her husband didn’t meet her gaze. 

“Of course baby, we tell each other everything.” He said, looking into her eyes.

“Yes we do,” she said slowly, “which is why I hope I already know what Brian was talking about. Sophie said that he said something about disastrous consequences?”

“(y/n), I don’t know what he’s talking about. Can we just let this go?” (y/n) tensed up. She hadn’t suspected anything bad before, but the way he was acting alarmed her greatly. 

“No, because I get the feeling you do know what he’s talking about and the way you’re acting makes me think I don’t know anything about it.” She said, trying to remain calm. 

Shawn sighed as he rubbed his face, pushing his hair back and getting up to take his wife by the hand. He led her to the living room, sitting next to her on the couch and clutching her hand. He didn’t think he would ever be in this position, and it had been so long ago that he forgot how nerve wrecking this was. The longer the silence persisted between the two, the more tense he grew as he realized what the hell he had done and would have to reveal now. He knew that what he did was awful, but it was worse that he had hidden it for so long. But he couldn’t lie about it now. She would never forgive him if she found out, and he couldn’t take that chance. He looked up to his wife to find her looking at him desperately, just wanting to understand what the hell was going on.

He hated himself for doing this to her. At this moment, he wished he was someone else, someone not guilty of doing the worst thing you can do to someone you love. He took a deep breath as he felt his heart clenching and his insides churning. He held onto (y/n)’s hand tighter, enjoying the last “peaceful” moments of being with her.

“There is no easy way of telling you this, (y/n). Everything I’ve done regarding this situation was wrong. I am despicable for doing this and for keeping it from you for so long.” (y/n) knew her husband well enough. He didn’t have to say more, she could already feel her hands begin to shake in his and the tears fall from her eyes. Her chest felt tight and her stomach was churning in a way that made her nauseous. Seeing his wife’s reaction killed Shawn, and what made it worse was knowing that he was the reason she was in this state. 

“It was a very long time ago. It was the first time I went on tour after we got together and I was halfway around the world from you. I’d never missed a person more. I got so drunk trying to dull that pain that I stopped thinking about what I was doing,” he began to cry as he felt his wife pull his hand from his and hold them over her mouth to silence her sobs. “I don’t remember anything, I just know that the next morning, Brian told me what he saw I’d done while we were at the club. He couldn’t tell me a lot because he hadn’t seen very much.” He cried as he related the lowest point of his life. He couldn’t bear to look at his wife, the sounds of her choked sobs being enough to break his heart over and over. He didn’t think he could feel worse than he did that morning when he found out that he had betrayed the girl he loved, and yet he felt even lower right now. 

She spoke up after a while of silence, “what did you do Shawn? Say it.” 

He sobbed as he looked up at her, a fresh wave of tears coming on as he saw how broken she looked. “I don’t know,” he croaked “Brian said he saw me walk out of the bathroom with a girl I’d been dancing with earlier.” 

“Say it, Shawn!” She raised her voice.

“I cheated on you! I cheated on you. I hate myself for it, I hate myself for not telling you about it, I will never not hate myself for any part of this. I-”

(y/n) no longer heard anything Shawn was saying to her. She was feeling things she didn’t think people were capable of feeling. Thousands of thoughts were running through her head. How could he do this? How could he pretend like everything was okay between them when he had betrayed her from the beginning? Why did he allow her to enter holy matrimony with him when he knew that she knew nothing of his crime?

She grew sick thinking of what he had just told her. She wanted to yell at him, kick him out, but she knew there was no point. This was too much to process and she couldn’t make any decisions right now, not while she was in this state. She pushed passed him and walked up the stairs, rushing into the bathroom and kneeling before the toilet bowl. The sting in her throat was nothing compared to the sting she felt inside of her, physical pain oozing through her body. She pushed away the body that was behind her, holding back her hair, as she stumbled out of the bathroom and into the bedroom. She tried to drain out the noise of her husbands voice which she usually loved so much, but now wished she would never have to hear again. She focused on her breathing, trying to slow the world around her. When she opened her eyes, she found her husband kneeling in front of her from where she sat on the edge of the bed, tears still streaming down his cheeks, cheeks blotchy. 

“Please, please say something (y/n).” He begged as she refused to meet his gaze.

“What am I supposed to say Shawn? You already know that what you did was wrong, and that keeping it from me was wrong. As to why you did it, well, I suppose you were too selfish to lose what you had. Even if that meant allowing me to live a lie. You don’t love me enough to tell me any of this, I’m sure you would have never told me by yourself. So what am I supposed to say? I’m married to a man who has lied to me since the offset of our relationship.”

Shawn sobbed into her lap as he listened to her words. “I love you more than anything in the world, (y/n). I was so, so scared of losing you.”

“That wasn’t your decision to make, Shawn!” She yelled, suddenly finding her voice. (y/n) stood up, pulling at her hair as she paced along the bedroom. “What you had to do after cheating on me was tell me about it and let me handle it from there on. You lost the right to have a say on if I stay with you the minute you went with another woman while you were supposed to be loyal to me!” She cried out.  

Shawn could feel his world falling apart. Although he knew how wrong it had been to hide this, he felt a pain beyond measure as he listened to what she was saying. The worst part was that she was right, and that he could not defend himself because of how astronomically he had fucked up. 

“You’re my family now Shawn. You, and the kids. I never wanted anyone else but you, and I will never want anything else but this life with you and our kids. But shit, you had no right to do anything you’ve done the past years.” (y/n) thought how different her life would be if she would have found out about this when it happened. She doesn’t know if she would have stayed with him or left him. But either way, she would have been able to play a role in that choice. Even if she would have chosen to stay with him, it would have been in her hands. She felt betrayed, and scammed out of her dignity.

How things would ever go back to the way they were, she had no idea. 

[awfully-sadistic]

{{ Book Talk: The Boy Who Sneaks in My Bedroom Window

This question on Goodreads sums up my thoughts.

I don’t know what to say about this book or why I started to read it. I just did when I was looking for The Raven Cycle ‘cause I have a ridiculous crush on a character I don’t even know yet. Ronan.

Anyway, this fucking book. I thought it was like, fanfiction at first. It is certainly written that way. There is such a huge overuse of “he smirked/smirks” and “she smirked/smirks” and other cliche phrases, I’m going to throw up. There’s also an over abundance of the main character, Amber Something, calling other girls whores and sluts and basically slut shaming them for dressing how they want to dress--FOR WHICH THERE IS NO DRESS CODE AT SCHOOL, I GUESS. One of the instances of Amber describing a girl’s skirt was that it fit like a belt or something. Another instance is her putting down other girls for being loose, for wanting to have sex with her brother and his best friend. For being bimbos and ho’s and having no self-respect because apparently this author wrote every fucking woman in her school like this. EVERY WOMAN AT AMBER’S SCHOOL (EXCEPT FOR AMBER) WAS A THIRSTY SLUT OR A BITCH OR A HO after her brother and his best friend’s junk. They literally threw themselves at them, were incredibly bold with their flirtations like touching and grabbing them all the time. Like, these ladies were written desperately thirsty, I felt bad for them. All because the author wanted to portray Amber in a more angelic light or what?

Speaking of, her main love interest gave her the nickname Angel.

Oh, by the way. She slut shames her main love interest, Liam James, too. I only know his goddamn name because everyone calls him by his fucking whole name, like constantly. Don’t get me wrong, I guess he’s some sort of man-whore because he openly flirts with these girls right back so I suppose if she’s going to be calling the women sluts and whores, I’m glad she also calls Liam out for acting the same way??? So does Amber’s brother, Jake, and he’s known to have slept around, etc, etc. Basically everyone but Amber is a big ol’ slut.

Don’t even get me started on how Amber decides to take part of this stupid ass bet to “nail” Liam because he announced he had a girlfriend and ALL THE OTHER GIRLS IN SCHOOL WANT HIM. His fucking pot was raised to 4,000 dollars or something outrageous like that. 20 bucks per girl. They put in 20 dollars EACH into the pot to see who can convince him to virtually cheat on his girlfriend. Which, at this point, is Amber. 4000 dollars. 20per girl. i suck at doing math but is that like 200 girls??? IS THAT RIGHT? DID I DO MY MATHR IGHT? 200 GIRLS ARE AFTER LIAM’S ASS.

I honestly don’t know where to start with this.

I mean, I can start with how it feels incredibly juvenile. Amateurish. Half-finished? There seems to be a lot of details missing in between scenes and the scenes themselves are short as fuck. The transitions are incredibly sloppy, one second Amber is in her bathroom and the next she’s in school.

Can I also note how her eight year old dialogue was incredibly strange. It felt like an older person was talking.

A few more points:

1) she doesn’t want to tell anyone they’re dating. she makes liam wait like 2 weeks to break the news to her overprotective big brother (by two years because they’re both 18 and she’s 16).

2) her best friend magically finds this out because i guess she just does. and all of a sudden she went from thirsty ass bff to supportive ass bff and stops trying to nail Liam AND jake. wait no, she’s still trying to fuck amber’s brother.

3) she’s somehow emo. idk. she wears dark clothing and all the other “sluts” at school call her emo. and how liam will never be into her.

4) liam went from biggest fucking vagina humper to absolutely cult-like dedicated to amber like as soon as they shared their first kiss. i guess that’s sort of sweet if he weren’t a total fuckboy. he said he had been in love with her since he was six??? (which was make her 4 or something) and only slept around with all those women because he figured he’d just fall in love with someone else. he couldn’t have a chance with her because her brother forbid it.

5) brother eventually finds out and comes around like in a manner of minutes. found out because liam and amber have some sort of special technique he uses whenever amber has some sort of anxiety attack about her dad.

6) SPEAKING OF, HER DAD ALMOST RAPED HER when she was like 13.. or idk. something like that. sundays were usually reserved for “special” times when he’d touch her or whatever. basically dad is an abusive assfuck. jake and liam came home early from some kind of hockey game, saw the scene and apparently beat the shit out of the dad.

7) dont even know the extent of how far she was molested because she never fucking talked about it. im opting to believe it was that one instance and she was just milking it. idk. 

8) for as much as she went around in the first few chapters of the book saying how much she hated liam, how much she called him a man-slut, etc etc and being mean to him because oh he annoys her sooo much, he’s sooo mean, etc etc, she’s absolutely in love with him even though she’s finding reasons ...not to be. thinking he might cheat on her, get fed up with amber wanting to wait because she’s not letting him have sex yet. mainly because no one else but her mom, jake, and liam can touch her, ever, without her freaking out about it. but in the span of these few chapters ive read, two strangers have kissed her twice now. 

8a) first time, liam had to save her because she was drunk and blah blah blah. second time, she was openly flirting with a guy who was all, “i bet if i kiss you i can change your mind about wanting to go out with me” and she was all “i bet you 20 bucks you can’t and also i will kick you in the balls if you try” and what the fuck happened? he kissed her. she kicked him in the balls. liam’s like “that’s my girl” as the dude comes back limping into the room and hands her a 20.

9) “I’d wanted her for so long that I was a little worried that if I ever did get her, that she would never be able to live up to what I had imagined.“ CAN YOU TELL ME WHAT THIS MEANS because to me, Liam saying this about Amber makes me feel like this can almost be an insult lmfao.

10) AND THIS IS THE SEX SCENE, FINALLY BTW:

“You are so beautiful, Angel,” I whispered. She smiled and gripped her hand around the back of my head, guiding my mouth back to hers. I felt my heart swell as I kissed her passionately, showing her just how much I loved and cherished her before I prepared myself to make love to her for the first time.

I smoothed her hair away from her sweaty forehead. She was grinning at me and looked so happy it made my heart skip a beat. “I love you, Angel.” We laid there trying to slow our heart beats. I pressed my face into the crook of her neck kissing her, feeling her rapid pulse under my lips. I felt happier than I had ever felt in my life. After a minute or so, I pulled out of her and rolled to my side. I tightened my arms on her, pulling her close to me, trailing my fingers over her naked, sweaty body, lingering on her breasts. “I’m sorry I hurt you,” I said quietly. I felt awful that I was the one to have to cause her pain, but I guess every girl had to go through that the first time.

Did this author really write “after a minute or so”? I was like, where’s the penetration? I had NO idea they were fucking until he pulled out... A MINUTE LATER.

11) everyone must be a goddamn cat or something because there’s a lot of seductive purring. and I ran into this hilarious count in a review:

Wink count: 48 Purr count: 37 Smirk count: 74 Flirt count: 38 Ass count: 91 (this one was the most annoying...everyone calls each other "hot ass" "sexy ass" "fine ass" nonstop throughout the entire book)

there is plenty more i can say about this train wreck but i think, above all, i was just... surprised it was like... PEOPLE LIKED THIS?? it even had this little thing at the end of the summary:

The international bestselling novel, and finalist of the Goodreads choice awards YA fiction 2012.

like... what... how can people pump out novels like 50 Shades and this mess and I can’t fucking finish a chaptered story? some of the answers answering that question i had tacked on above surprised me too. people were calling it “realistic” -- i had to roll my eyes. there has been no realistic part of this story since i started reading it. 

if it were, vampires would exist and they’d sparkle in the goddamn sunlight. frankly, we’d all have our Christian Grey by now, too.

and every time he called her Angel, i just imagined this:

thank you and goodnight.