#manny's bite sized stories

[mannylikessims]

[abbysfrenchbraid]

Abby headcaons with female reader, and it’s the first time with a strap on

Ohhhh good one! Sorry I only got to it now, my AbbyxReader morning fluff is finally finished and I’ll post it tonight!

This got really long and kind of mutated into a half fic so I’ll post it under a cut.

Warnings: smut, sex toys

Abby collects things on her patrols as we all know

What we don’t all know is that she doesn’t only collect coins

When she’s only with Manny they like to explore adult shops and take things home

Manny may or may not have a collection of penis rings in a box under his bed

The first time Abby took home a vibrator her whole world view changed

She has a collection of harnesses and dildos of all shapes and sizes but doesn’t really like to use them on herself (if someone else were to top her with one that would be an entirely different story)

You met Abby through mutual friends and knew she was into women and a bit of a player at that

She likes to make it seem like Manny is the big womanizer but she knows damn well it’s not only because of him that people jokingly call their room the sex den

You’ve been exclusively dating each other for a while now and you trust her 100%

She’s already gone down on you a few times and put her fingers to work, too. The blonde was quick to find all your buttons and press them just the right way, making you cum over and over until you’re a crying mess begging for her to stop

Aftercare is super important to her, she will hold you tight and let you freely cry and talk about your feelings, making you feel safe and cared for always. She will also make you tea and have snacks at hand, always making sure you’re hydrated and energized after a long session.

You’ve never been with someone with a penis before so you were reluctant about trying a strap on at first and Abby never pressured you into it

Now that you’ve gotten used to her gentle but strong fingers, you kind of want to try more and you know Abby would love to fuck you with a strap on and make you scream so loud the entire stadium will know what’s going on.

You start out really slowly, just making out heavily and grinding against each other until you’re shaking from anticipation and pleading to be touched

Abby lets you ride her face first, making you work for your pleasure and letting you set the pace and get confident in your skin.

She then flips you over and fucks you with one, then two, then three fingers, stretching you out and making you feel comfortable with the sensation. At this point you’re a moaning, sweating and dripping mess.

The wolf lets you watch as she takes off everything but her boxers and slips on the black harness with a decently sized, skin colored dildo.

You’re excited and a little scared, adrenaline rushing through your body at the thougt of that thing inside of you. You trust Abby to take it slow and be careful.

She makes sure both you and the toy are properly lubricated and warms it with her hands to make it more comfortable for you, then she lays down on top of you and slowly pushes in.

You don’t feel any pain, just this entirely new, overwhelming feeling of being completely filled, a diffent kind of pleasure waving over you than the one you feel when your lover’s fingers are inside of you.

When Abby is sure you’re okay, she starts with long, slow strokes, letting you warm up to the feeling while your breathing becomes more rapid and you dig your nails into her arms, telling her to please, please go faster.

She obliges and starts to fuck you harder, kissing and biting at your neck while you leave red streaks on her back and try to stifle your moans

When she finally sits up to a kneeling position, grabs your legs and pulls your hips onto her to get a deeper angle, you can’t remain quiet anymore and start crying out her name with every stroke

She sits up on her knees and pulls you up by your knees, pounding into you from the perfect angle to touch your g spot every time and make you scream obscenities while grabbing at the blankets, her hands, the wall behind you, anything to keep you in this universe

Abby starts rubbing your clit with her thumb as she slowly lowers you down and continues with slower, deep strokes as you press up onto your elbows. You look into her eyes as you come, crying out her name and falling back onto the pillows, tears streaming from your eyes

The solder slowly pulls out of you and lightly kisses your thigs, taking off the harness in the process.

She licks you clean even though you whine at the overstimulation, then she kisses her way back up to you and lets you taste yourself

After letting you cry into her chest and gently stroking your hair, she asks you what you think and you have a sincere conversation about the experience and what it means for your future sex life.

When you ask Abby if you can fuck her, too, she goes bright red but answers the question truthfully, saying that no one has ever tried to do that, but she’d like to see what it feels like.

You laugh, talk and cuddle until you fall asleep and you go through the next day with a sheepish grin on your face, carrying around your little secret and looking forward to having Abby all to yourself again.

as always, if you enjoyed or have another request, let me know 💌

[sonyabrightbooks]

Little Lunch: The School Gate by Danny Katz and Mitch Vane

At Little Lunch Manny’s food fell outside the school gate, Debra-Jo Woo and Amba made TOILET-PAPER CROWNS and we invented a new ball game. What else can happen in fifteen minutes?

These bite-sized stories (three in a book) are perfect quick reads, and so representative of what can happen in the fifteen minutes of a recess (little lunch) break at primary school.

You can see why the ABC picked this series up for a television adaptation.

I've read several of these books now, but not all of them. They were rereleased when the TV show came out, but not all of the characters from the books were used in the adaptation (or they were significantly altered).

So, I enjoyed this collection, as it focused on some of the people the show's creators declined to use.

A fun, quick read with kid-appropriate humour.

[gerbiloftriumph]

The Size of Hope

(also on ao3)

Mordon isn’t certain what to make of the fairy tale king his goblin friends captured, and King Graham has no idea what to make of the huge and clumsy goblin who keeps running into his path. The two warily team up, but neither one belongs in the goblin kingdom, and some pain runs deeper than either expects.

(Gen canon-expansion fic putting scrapped fragments from the subtitle file back into the game. Full fic warnings: bruising, canon-typical violence, self-hatred, abuse, Goblins Do Not Make Good Friends)

~*~*~

4/5

(1: Seen)(2: Found)(3: Buried)(4: Lost)

~*~*~

Waiting was the worst.

Mordon paced back and forth, dancing to the mouth of the tunnel and stepping down it a pace or two before shrinking back again. If he was wanted, he would have been invited. If Graham was going to come back, he would have done so by now. Mordon wasn’t wanted. Was abandoned.

Graham wasn’t any better than the king in Manny’s story.

But he was. He had been nice. Had smiled, hadn’t hit, hadn’t yelled, hadn’t been cruel. Was better.

But he left Mordon. Mordon was always left. Mordon, and his stupid face and his stupid hair and his stupid clumsy oversized body that tripped and fell and made a mess of everything.

Ohhh, what to do, what to do. Mordon hovered anxiously a few steps down the tunnel, then came back.

Mordon, always left. Never wanted. But Graham said they were doing this together, said they would go together. Did he really mean it? Maybe Mordon needed to prove his value to the king, like the piper had to the townsfolk in Manny’s wonderful book. But what did Graham want that he didn’t have, something that Mordon could give him? What could a goblin even offer a king? A snack? A spear? Was taking him to the goblin king enough? Probably not—it would have to be something bigger than that, something special.

But…but that never worked with the other goblins. He gave them all they wanted, did everything they asked, and it still didn’t help. They still didn’t like him (stupid face, stupid hair).

Graham was different. Graham was kind.

Graham had left him.

What to do.

As he waited, as he paced, as he crouched, he heard footsteps. He straightened, delighted—Graham was coming back!

He sank back down again when he realized he heard goblinese. His friends were coming, not Graham. Had they captured the king? Mordon’s fingers twisted nervously, waiting, watching, lurking in the shadows.

They didn’t have the king. They had a book. Mordon let out a breath he didn’t even realize he was holding. They couldn’t read it. Didn’t know the letters. They were passing it between themselves, flipping pages, looking at illustrations. Finally, bored, one of them tossed it behind them. It bounced, spine cracking—Mordon flinched at the sound—and sprawling open on some page near the middle.

He wondered nervously if he should confront them about hurting a story, if he should threaten to tell on them. It would be an excuse to get back at them for hitting him. His hands were hot and sweaty, and he could feel his hair standing on end beneath his helmet.

Helmet.

Hat.

They had the king’s hat. One of his friends was wearing it at a jaunty angle, barely hooked over his helmet. It was swinging wildly, like it was going to fall off at the next step. He could see the red feather that meant so much to the king.

Before his nerves could get the better of him, Mordon stepped out of the shadows. “Hey,” he said in goblinese, voice quiet and cracked. “Hey, wait.”

The two goblins stopped, looked at him impatiently. “Why are you here? You don’t belong here.”

“Th-that hat. That’s…”

They waited, but Mordon couldn’t seem to find the words. He stopped, feeling small.

They glanced at each other, then the one wearing the hat plucked it off. “This?”

“Can I…I want…” Mordon’s fingernails drove into his palms, cutting little crescents, and the pain made him stand a fraction taller. “I want that hat.”

“Do you? Why should I give it to you?” The goblin lazily spun it on his finger, the feather fluttering. “It’s from the fairy tales. It’s important.”

But you’re not important. You’re the worst goblin. You can’t even stand guard with the fairy tales. You can’t do anything right. You don’t deserve to wear the costumes, to play the stories.

Play the stories.

“It’s not important.”

“Huh?”

“It’s worthless.”

“The king had it,” the goblin said, hackles raising as he crouched low, primed for leaping, tackling, biting. “Don’t insult me. It’s important.”

“It isn’t,” Mordon insisted, even though it made him feel sick to say it. This was a lie. And people who told lies in stories got hurt. But didn’t Hansel tell a lie to the witch, told her he was eating all the food when he wasn’t, so he wouldn’t get turned into gingerbread? “He wasn’t wearing it when you took it. The crown’s what’s important. That hat…that’s like…” Mordon stood straight and tall. With his friends crouched, he seemed to fill the tunnel. “That’s like Cinderella’s peasant dress. It’s a peasant hat. It’s junky and unwanted. It’s already been replaced with a crown.”

“The human king likes it,” the goblin said, but he looked at the hat a little doubtfully. “He was upset when we took it.”

“Because it’s the story,” Mordon said. “You hafta tell the story in order. Even the boring parts. That hat. That’s useless. That’s no power. That’s weak. You took it from him easy because he didn’t really want it anymore. Trash. You’re trash if you wear it.”

“Don’t insult me,” the goblin roared, about to pounce, to hurt. But he stopped. He glared at Mordon. “I’m important,” he said. He looked at the hat, and almost looked like he was going to crumple it in his hands, but instead he lazily tossed it at Mordon’s feet.

“A useless goblin should have a useless hat to match,” the friend said.

“More than useless,” the first said. “Not even a guard. Can’t do anything right.”

“Doesn’t even need a costume to be a monster,” the friend agreed.

Mordon’s hand froze as he reached for the hat, and he curled deeper into himself. Monster. Right. That’s all he was. All he had ever been. Ugly, clumsy, stupid. What was he doing, pretending he was anything else?

But…but Graham had said he wasn’t one. Words of a king were important. Maybe…maybe Mordon didn’t have to be one anymore, now. “I’m not a monster,” he said, cautiously, trying the words out and not sure how they felt in his mouth, worried it was another lie, words that didn’t count.

“’Course you are. Huge. Ugly. No one wants you to play. You wanna know why? You break everything. All the props, all the games. You don’t fit. You should wear that stupid human hat and go play with the stupid humans. They might actually want you.”

“That’s not—” Mordon twisted the hat brim in his hands, words swirling around him.

In the stories, monsters were killed. The wolf, the fox. Monsters were hated and hunted. Wearing a costume, playing a game: that was different. But he wasn’t wearing a costume. He was Mordon. And he was a monster. Something to be hated and feared.

Words spoken, words written, those mattered. Those were true.

But the king had said…

Mordon pulled the hat over his helmet. The human king had told him they were in this together. That he wasn’t a monster. He was wanted, at least by the humans. And he would follow in Graham’s footsteps, wearing the hat that had been special to him, the hat that had led to the crown.

And he was going to give it back. This hat wasn’t trash—it was a prize. This hat represented the surface. Exploration, courage. The king would be so excited to see the hat that nothing else would matter. This was what he had been looking for, this was the gift that would prove his value. Mordon would be praised, and the new words would cancel the old ones, like rewriting an ending. The hero of the story, not the villain. Saved, not lost.

Mordon stiffly walked past his friends, into the tunnel the king had followed. They laughed and thumped him hard as he passed. He fell and scraped against the stone, bones rattling. His armor stopped him from tearing his skin too badly on the rough ground, but it still startled and hurt. He slid forward, stopping just in front of the broken book thrown on the ground. A story abandoned in the dirt.

The spine had cracked, as Mordon had feared. Gingerly, he pushed himself to his knees and cradled the injured text. That wasn’t how you treated a story.

He read the page it had fallen open to.

You’re pretty big for a goblin, Graham had said.

Where are you from? Graham had said.

Do you ever take your helmet off? Graham had said.

“Don’t even think he is a goblin,” the first said to his friend as they walked away, leaving Mordon frozen, the book clutched in shaking hands, Graham’s adventuring cap slipping from his helmet.

~*~*~*~

The tunnels behind the library were lined with stories. Graham slipped past more stages where the goblins had set up ratty scenes. A kitchen, a parlor, an attic, a forest. Lots of wood and shoddy paintwork, all ghostly in desolate emptiness. They felt ignored, more broken toys that the goblins didn’t want to play with anymore. It made the hair rise on the back of his neck. Manny might be down there, or he might not be, and there could be something else more dangerous around the next corner.

And the delay hadn’t given him any clearer ideas about how he was going to break what he had learned with Mordon. He’d run it back and forth, getting tangled up in words and scenarios. Too many conflicting ideas. Too many doubts. Maybe he was wrong. Maybe he hadn’t seen anything true, maybe he’d jumped to some outlandish conclusion. But what if he was right? It was his duty to defend his citizens. But Mordon wasn’t a Daventry citizen, he belonged to the goblin kingdom. Right? Wrong? His thoughts were twisting into circles even as he felt like he was wandering physically in circles through broken story after broken story.

This wasn’t worth getting lost over. Were the minutes turning to hours? He didn’t know how much time had passed on his useless venture, on his meandering ideas, and Mordon was going to be upset.

He couldn’t have anticipated just how upset Mordon was.

The goblin was kneeling on the floor, holding a book.

Shredding the pages.

Graham skidded to a halt.

“You left me,” Mordon said. His voice was utterly cold, thick with suppressed tears. “You promised.”

It must have been so much longer than Graham had thought. “Mordon? Mordon, I…I was coming back. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to be gone so long, I didn’t mean to scare you, I—”

Mordon jumped to his feet, clutching the book. Fistfuls of torn pages fell from his lap, twisting and curling into an ugly heap of destroyed words. One page was untouched. He showed this page to Graham.

The changeling story. The goblin prank. Swapping a human child for a goblin child.

“You knew.”

Graham stepped back. Any chance, any ideas, melted into the shadows, slipped from his grasp.

“You knew!”

“No, no, I…I. I didn’t…not until…oh, no.” But even without that book, he had known, hadn’t he? From the moment he’d seen Mordon outside the cell, he had felt it. Had realized something strange was happening. And hadn’t dared let himself realize.

“I am not a monster. I am not a goblin. I am a human being!” Mordon stepped forward again. And again. And he dropped the fragmented book, and his hands curled into fists, and he screamed, “You knew. Not a monster. Not a goblin. Human. Human that no one wanted.” He tore down the tunnel toward Graham, shrieking, “You knew. You knew.”

“It’s…it’s only a story.” Immediately Graham knew he’d said the wrong thing, the worst thing, had snuffed out the very last traces of hope in just four desperate and misspoken and confused words, knew it was horrible to say to a goblin, wished he could swallow the words back, paint them out, but it was too late.

Words spoken mattered.

“It’s never only a story!”

Mordon was on him now, and Graham was trying to move further back into the tunnel when he tripped over something in the dark, some rock or his own cloak tangled around his knees, and he collapsed. He curled into a ball. This was going to hurt.

“That’s why Mordon’s not like others!” Mordon wailed.

“No, no, no, please, I promise I didn’t know, no, don’t,” Graham yelped. This was it. His friends were going to die because of him. Because of his mistakes. If he’d only come back to Mordon immediately, told him what he knew, promised to protect him, if they had gone straight to the goblin king, but he hadn’t. If only, if only. Because of his foolishness. Because of his inaction, because of his fear, because of his nightmares, because of everything. Home, shattered, ruined, gone.

But the blows never came.

Mordon flung the adventuring cap, the prize of freedom, of innocent exploration and discovery and protection, at Graham’s feet. The hat that he’d been so excited to find, the hat that had meant so much. And then he ran.

Graham picked up the hat. Crumpled it against his chest. Hoarse, upset, lost, afraid. Alone. “No.”

[mrslackles]

'This New Strain' is so fucking good. I love that they're talking and opening up to each other, but it's not like a big thing. It's happening naturally as they are dealing with this situation and it feels very -- to use a loaded word in this fandom -- realistic. Sometimes in fics, Beth & Rio will have a talk & it feels like it's just the author getting their feelings out as opposed to the characters. This story feels real to whereBrio were at this time in canon.

Thank you so much! That means the world to me. 

Honestly, these are probably the two most difficult characters I’ve ever written. Especially when they’re together, knowing how they feel isn’t even half the battle won. 

Everything they say must be obscured under like five different layers and it’s as if there are several (sometimes wildly!) different conversations happening at once -- the conversation Beth thinks they’re having, the conversation Rio thinks they’re having, the words they’re actually saying, and what the reader can actually take away from that whole mess.

Rio in particular is a bitch to write, especially from Beth’s POV, because it’s very difficult to convey (to either Beth or the reader) what he’s actually feeling. He’s someone of very few words and the words he does say are normally very calculated. Without Manny’s acting there to support it, and with Beth’s inherent inability to correctly interpret him, it can be really darn difficult to convey what he’s truly feeling. (You may adore Manny’s face acting, but you don’t have as thorough of an appreciation for it until you’re sitting there trying to describe ten different emotions crossing his face just because of the way he blinks and moves his mouth.)

Anyway, I think their trash dynamic really leant itself to a quarantine, because not only are they stuck in the same space together, but they’re also kind of forced to keep having these discussions that are always canonically pushed to the wayside. And they’re able to do so in more bite-sized chunks over several days, because we know these two disasters can’t discuss real emotions for more than like 30 seconds 😂🤦‍♀️

It’s also somehow very Brio that it would take a literal pandemic to make them talk about their actual feelings 🤣

[kittlesandbugs]

Writer’s interview

Tagged by @bearly-tolerable

Q: What is your coffee order?

... I haven’t ordered a coffee in two years, but I did like Starbucks’ salted caramel latte two winters ago. XD

Q: What is the coolest thing you’ve ever done?

I got a black belt in aikido?  I climbed Mt. Fuji?  Probably one of those.

Q: Who has been your biggest mentor?

If this is in reference to writing, no one? XD I just flail wildly.  @ellstersmash talks me down from proverbial cliffs and usually betas my shit tho, so, honorable mention!!!

Q: What has been your most memorable writing project?

Bottles of Thedas!!!  20 bite-sized fics inspired by the same codex entries in Inquisition.

Q: What does your writing path look like, from the earliest days until now?

I started creative writing with weird disturbing stories about alien abductions in late elementary school, much to my teacher’s amusement/horror.  I started writing fanfic when I was...13?  Horrible self-insert Megaman X fanfic that has long since been deleted, but it got me my longest friendship in my life!  (HI MANNY!) We still talk every day we can 17/18 years later! :D 

That eventually led into super cracky script fic and I made some other friends.  Then my late-teenager shame caught up with me and I deleted almost everything.  I got into crazy forum RPs in high school.  I RP’d on Tegaki E for a while (mostly art, but also writing.) 

Sometime in... 2011 I did some anonymous fills for a fandom character/reader ask blog. (good luck finding them.;))

And then when I came to Japan two years ago, @ellstersmash encouraged me to start writing about my Dragon Age and Mass Effect OCs and here we are!

Q: What is your favorite part about writing?

MAKING FRIENDS.

Q: What does a typical day look like for you?

Get up, fart around, go to work, write in my downtime if I can, come home, fart around, eat dinner, pass out. XD

Q: What does your writing process look like?

“hey ell (and bear now XD) i had this thought.”

them: PUT IT ON THE PILE

and then writing something until i either finish it or lose interest because i had a New Idea.  (the pile is very large).

Q: What’s the best advice you’ve gotten?

Don’t angst over how-to-write “advice” and whether or not you’re doing it right and just fucking do it.

Q: What’s the biggest lesson you’ve learned?

Stop worrying if it’s good and just have fun with it!!!  Someone somewhere will enjoy it!

Q: What advice would you give someone who wants to start writing?

Do what you want and stab anyone who tells you that you suck.  If it stops being fun, there’s no shame in moving on to a new hobby.  Anyone who solely follows you for the content you produce isn’t a friend, they’re a leech, so don’t worry about it if you lose them.

[beckytailweaver]

Werewolf and Xolo puppy...part 1..?

It is a huge plot bunny. And I apologize for this.

Due to WerewolfAU Miguel & Héctor.  I really couldn't help it. I hope no one minds! It’s not even really fic...

So, were-xolo Miguel and werewolf Héctor.  Héctor could be awesome as a trickster were-coyote indeed, but there is an excellent subspecies if he is to remain in Canis lupus with the Xolo: a Mexican wolf.  (Mexican Wolf and Coyote: Know the Difference!) Thoughts?

Starting at the beginning, let's take it up to eleven: Some urban fantasy, some magical realism, and a little buffet of all kinds of different legends and canons.  The Rivera family were shoemakers. With a musician or two thrown in for charm. These days, though, they're werewolf hunters.

A long time ago, Mamá Imelda made shoes while her husband played music and her daughter danced. They were comfortable and happy. But one night, during the full moon, her husband was killed by a werewolf while coming home from a short musical tour with his friend Ernesto de la Cruz.

Ernesto barely escaped with his life, to bring Imelda the news. When she heard, Imelda set aside her shoes to learn how to kill werewolves, to avenge her husband and to eliminate any monsters who might be a threat to her daughter and her village. She taught this knowledge to all in her family after her, and while Riveras still make excellent shoes as their day job, by night they hunt their sworn enemy. (Cue origin story dramatic soundtrack crescendo.)

Music isn't as explicitly banned as it is in canon, but it's still actively discouraged. Riveras don't have time for this frivolous noise that’ll just attract monsters, and wandering around for music is what got Imelda's husband killed! None of her children will be lost to something so stupid.

(The irony here is that this time, Héctor is on the ofrenda, even if it’s grudgingly. But it would be much easier for him to come home if he was dead.)

Tio Ernesto is known and respected as a friend of the family, but he’s a famous musician and he doesn't visit very often at all (once a decade or so, very perfunctory). He was too busy traveling all over Mexico playing songs (in his best friend's memory, he claimed, but somehow that never came up in albums or interviews), and Riveras don't do music.  He's retired now but, privately afraid of being forgotten by the younger generations of music fans, he never misses a chance to promote his old albums or do an interview for a big show. He's in remarkably good shape for an octogenarian.

Basics. In this universe, monsters aren't complete fantasy, but by the time the modern era rolls around they've been controlled enough by military, police, and hunters that few civilians see them. Most people see them kind of like human criminals, or nuisance animals.  They're "out there," and if you wander around dark alleys and forests at night you might disappear, but it's not a zombie apocalypse of constant horror. Once in a while there's a news story, or a species of monster is on display at a zoo briefly, or you hear of a friend's wife's cousin who got eaten one night.

(Many monsters are actually just people minding their own business who happen to look a little different or have specific dietary requirements, but they keep to themselves so all most people ever hear is the bad tales and the news reports of another death.)

This Rivera family tree is arranged a little differently and the ages might be a little more compressed. Coco and Elena are Imelda's daughters; Elena was born after Imelda's husband was killed so she never met him. She is the fiercest in her dislike for werewolves (and lazy, careless musicians).

Coco and Julio are parents to Victoria and Enrique (I don't know how they got all the tall kids okay); Elena and Franco are parents to Berto and Gloria. Enrique and Berto have all their kids as in canon.

Oscar and Felipe are still Imelda's younger twin brothers, and though they're slowing down in their old age they're generally in charge of inventing and improving nifty new gadgets like repeater crossbows and silver grenades; they are teaching this craft to Abel.

Victoria and Gloria are both the single aunts, best friends growing up, and really like to collaborate on ammo projects that make monsters go boom; Rosa is learning from them.

Tia Rosita, Julio's sister, is very good at crafting light armor; Julio is best with heavy.  Berto works with specialty shotguns and Enrique is an expert rifle marksman. (Or, you know, skills can vary as needs might. Suggestions?)

Mamá Imelda has been sidelined by old age so she can no longer participate in active hunts, but nothing stops her from picking up a weapon if she feels her home is threatened. She is still the head of the family when it comes to command decisions.

Benny and Manny are just plain too little for hunting, and are kept safely under close watch in the Rivera family home. The grandmothers who don't hunt are usually caring for them, which often means it's Imelda. (She cannot be fooled by twin shenanigans; she had to look after her brothers once too.)

Elena is leading the charge any chance she gets, despite her age, which worries her husband and family (but she loves her family as fiercely as she fights, which is why she refuses to fail). Coco is more than happy to step down once she's "retired," and spends a lot of time making shoes rather than weapons, and looking after the little ones. She remembers her Papá fondly.

Miguel...precious little musical dreamer Miguel...he spends a lot of time with his Abuelita Coco, and she adores him. With his sweet grin and heart for music, it's almost like her Papá has come back to her. She hums to him in secret, and encourages him to explore interests other than shoes and werewolf hunting. Miguel loves music even if it's their little secret, and there's something in his eyes just like she remembers, something that wants to chase the wind and sing out to the world, and Coco knows Miguel is special. Just like Papá.

Werewolves. This variety is a little more magical than is found in a lot of modern fiction. They're not gigantic and terrifying; the body doesn't actually change size that much, just some shape and locomotion. They age much more slowly than humans and are pretty much immortal, barring silver weapons, decapitation, or rather thorough dismemberment. They can still get sick or injured, but are very unlikely to die from average things (injuries and discomforts still hurt though; they feel cold, they get bruises, they bleed, they can have allergies or need glasses). It might take one of them a long time to die of old age, but that's the only other thing that can kill them. (It's like the curse was made to turn humans into something almost fey but not quite, but no one knows for sure how it originated.)

And they're not all wolves. It's more the were than the wolf! And not everyone gets turned by a bite. Some of the weres are "venomous" and can pass on the "disease/curse," most of these are ones that were turned by a bite themselves and so the "curse” is thicker in them. Many of these are pretty insane or can't remember what they do during the full moon; they're the ones who attack indiscriminately and give the rest a bad name. The human mind breaks because of the fear and stress and venom, and aggressive self-defense instinct takes over; these are the easiest to find and hunt because they just rampage against any "threat" that moves, like a rabid animal.

There are others, sometimes known as latent werewolves (again, not all are wolves). If a bitten were manages to keep it together long enough to bear or sire a child, that offspring has a strong chance of being a werewolf themselves. But because they're born to it, they don't go insane (or not as insane, especially if they have a supportive family or other experienced weres to learn from). Some of these will turn out okay, and can go on to have children of their own; further generations have much less chance of turning out actual werewolves, which is where the latent part comes in.

Enough generations down, and the were-genes aren't activated. They're just kind of sitting there, disconnected, with no inputs. Some people may never even realize they have these genes, and dormant vs latent will also skip some generations, to the point where some family members are "susceptible" and others aren't.

"Susceptible" means they have to be exposed to a compatible animal in a few certain ways during a full moon, which means it doesn't happen terribly often but still does now and then. At this point the latent disconnected were genes go aha! a template! and boom, brand new werewolf. (Or whatever it is. Most are canines and felines, going by likelihood of exposure. Almost all are mammals, because blending with non-mammals can be...troublesome, and may not work at all.) On the upside, most latents (especially those whose ancestry is distant) tend not to be able to pass on the "curse" through bites, so they're not contagious.

Full moons.  While an actual, really true full moon lasts only a moment or two, the moon is round enough to be perceived as full for more than just one night! It may also be in the sky during the day. So the classic old "sun goes down, moon comes up, werewolf howls!" trope isn't...actually all that accurate. A fully round moon can actually last around four days.

That's right.  Day and night, light and dark.  Four days of running around with claws, teeth, and fur, during which a werewolf might be causing havoc, chased by hunters, or killed.  Four days of carnage if they're insane and running on terror and adrenaline.  Four days to hide, shivering and hungry, if they're sane and unprepared just trying to stay out of trouble.  Four days to huddle in a basement with bottled water and cans of Spam if they've been doing this alone a long time.  Four days to run in the wilderness with pack and family and have a fun camp out, if they're the luckiest of all.

Neither Miguel nor his family know that he's carrying latent were genes. Not a clue. He's just an ordinary little boy who fidgets through shoemaking lessons and looks squeamish when being taught about monster hunting, who runs off to go hang out with Abuelita Coco whenever he can, who sneaks into the attic to play his guitar and watch old De la Cruz videos, who skips and sings his way around their quiet little hometown playing with Dante the stray Xolo—as long as he's always back before dark.

(Miguel adores Tio Ernesto and asks his family every Christmas if there's a card, even if he's only met him in person once when he was so small he almost doesn't remember it.)

Then came a day when Miguel discovered that Mamá Imelda's portrait with Abuelita Coco contained a man with a white guitar—Tio Ernesto's guitar—and he wanted to know if Tio Ernesto was actually his great-grandfather because then he has a real legacy of music that could actually lead to success and not death.  Mamá Imelda squashed that dream; no matter who his great-grandpa is, Riveras have a higher calling, and she will never allow one of her children to be led away from home and into distractions and disaster by music.

Miguel runs. Dante follows. It's still daylight, but there's a full moon just chilling, lazy and faded, in the blue sky above.  Somewhere near the cemetery, Miguel's tears make him stumble. He bruises his knees and scrapes his hands, and ever faithful Dante tries to lick the wounds clean.

A few feverishly dizzy minutes later, Miguel is an oddly-shaped, oversized Xolo puppy wearing a red hoodie.

tbc...?

Hopefully this is interesting? Thoughts and suggestions welcome! Miguel’s journey in the wilderness is still taking shape...

Opinions on the wolf/coyote thing?

[bites-kms]

Keep Austin Weird

Austin is a very special place. It really craved a big chunk of my heart. A merge of NY feeling, with Seattle memories and it’s Texan uniqueness. And of course, as always, this fondness relies on its people. Misfits, rebels, crazy, artists, and all that people that in other corners of traditional Texas may be judged, end up in Austin. And you are welcome too if you want to join! Attending to SXSW made it even more special, with all these creative souls walking around, exchanging smiles, ideas, words and emails. It was fantastic. I felt super inspired, grateful and for a moment, I felt like I belong to this crowd too. 

From Piano battles to standup comedy, there are a bunch of things I left undone due to the cluttered and intensity of the itinerary demanded by SXSW. But, very vaguely, but with much love, these are my top 10 things to do in Austin:

1) Shake it off at the The Broken Spoke 

Bring it on with the honky-tong. Feels like being part of a movie. After a long ride from Downtown Austin, one needs to cross the bridge before arriving to here, the middle of nowhere yet marvelous place. Don’t forget to bring cash with you for the entry fee. Grab your favorite local, or better yet, make yourself available for the nice and gentle Texan to approach you. In my case, Christian, an insurance runner with a farm and bird passion, taught me all the steps and secrets from the dance floor. It was great. Not only he knew about Uruguay, but he practiced his Spanish, patiently taught me all the movements of the local dance, and even invited me not only a drink which I gently declined, but a follow up lunch date. It’s ridiculous how talented Texan people are -  they have their music ingrained in their voices, bodies and minds. Christian was no exception. He sent me videos of him singing before our date to nail the deal. Wise move, amigo ;) We went on Quaresma Friday for some BBQ and he refrained himself from eating meat - of course I completely forgot and made an exception, indulging myself with all the delicious Brisket. And, thank you Lari for the boots, they made all the difference and made me a real Dancing Queen. #SisterhoodOfTheTravellingBoots <3

Yeap - I dressed up for the occasion, never felt prouder of myself! For a second or two, Christian really thought I was a local!

2) Wonder, enjoy and have fun by Sixth Street. 

This is Austin’s main street. Full of bars, antique stores, delis, souvenir shops, cafes, and more and even more bars, this is the place to be. Avoid staying on the street itself, but if your hotel is near by -which probably will be- this fun impromptu venue won’t disappoint. Its streets intersections all surround the Austin Convention Center and most of the main concert venues, cool cafes, fun dancing spots and delightful dinner restaurants will be around. Wonder Six Street and let it marvel you. It will be the best souvenir you’ll be able to take from Austin.

3) Go for hidden drinks at The Garage 

Ladies night was Garage night! What a great finding. Wondering Austin streets, there’s a modern parking space that looks oddly beautiful for being just a mere parking lot. Doubt about it. Go inside and go figure, there’s a hidden bar between their spaces, with the perfect ambience, the necessary small bites and the delicious tailored made drinks for a fun evening with friends or a casual date. 

4) Experience the beauty of the 7th fine art at Stateside Theater, Alamo Lamar and Paramount Theater 

How crazy it is to take one of those electric scooters and go across town with highways and bridges to watch a movie almost at midnight? Let me tell you, it takes some guts. Yet, I decided to go to watch the music short film festival and check out the Alamo. The proper name is “Alamo Drafthouse Cinema South Lamar”. It’s a unique concept where food and drinks are served within the venue while you watch your movie. Very similar to Nitehawk cinemas in New York, although this one was massive - hence, a little bit more ruined down. Also, it’s hard to keep up with the cleaning of the venues within SXSW, but yet it was a wonderful eve. Watching This is America by Childish Gambino in full screen as well as Boyish by Japanese Breakfast among others was amazing. And afterwards, there was a live performance of jazz, honky-dong and be-bop on the draft house next to it. Unfortunately, I already ordered the UBER and there were not so many around, so I enjoyed it for a few while waiting for it, and then left my scooter and went back to civilization to the Line Hotel, a beautiful boutique one where I was staying. I also had the opportunity to check out the Stateside and the Paramount Theater, both of them located at Congress Avenue, where many 2019 SXSW premiers were held, such as Us and Booksmart - which I ended up watching in Nitehawk with Caro later in June. I attended to these two venues for Come as You Are, great story in which three disabled men go on a road trip to lose their virginity at a special-needs bordello in this ingratiating remake of a Belgian film and Bluebird, a documentary about one of Nashville’s most celebrated and important venues, which has been a launching pad for new songwriters since 1982 - Including Taylor Swift! 

6) Go to Antone’s for a real music treat

Wow... I mean.... just wow! Was this magical or what? Thank you Z for dragging me to this venue and make me wait more than 2 hours with random yet cool artists to finally get to known and be mesmerized by Saint Paul and the Broken Bones. From 8 ‘till midnight, people were delighted by DJ Manny, Tameca Jones, Jacob Banks to finally end up with the high note of St. Paul. It was incredible. This powerhouse band made the roof came down in an intense, intimate yet powerful performance. The vocal lead Paul Janeway was absolutely incredible. With glitter and shinny dress-like outfit, he owned the stage from begging to end, specially while walking through the crowd, making it to the bar and singing on top of it, Coyote Ugly style. With his unique style and even rarest voice, this has been one of the most memorable concert experiences I ever had. As my friend Z would describe it: “When I tell you to wait, is because something worthwhile is coming. It’s a big dude, that sounds like a black woman’s voice, who belongs to a gospel choir”. - He was absolutely right..  SXSW Music Festival is really something out-of-this-word. To mention a few, imagine Tiny Desk Concerts held in a church, to Dj Windows 95 in Mercedes Benz Openhouse or Japanese Breakfast at the Mohawk, another iconic Austin Venue. Yet, the surprise happened during Sounds from Colombia night at Speakeasy, with Mojarra Eléctrica and Los Gaiteros de Ovejas when I met Idahosa Ness- which means, “he who only listens to God”. Nope, it was not a Colombian artist yet he lived in Colombia. He is this brilliant man from Austin which spoke more than 5 languages and learnt all of them through music and rap, decided to share his gift with the world by creating language learning tools in a start-up mode, traveling the world and enlightening each person that crosses his path in between. Yes, that’s the people you meet in the crowd. That’s the people you randomly run into SXSW. You can check out his project here, in The Mimic Method. Did I mention that he has a fantastic speech grandiloquence, and he looks like Lenny Kravitz (meaning he is damn hot!)?? Wow...I definitely won the jack pot that night! Thank you SXSW! Music does bring people together!

7) Feast yourself and treat your belly with a real Texas BBQ at Cooper Old Time Pit Bar-B-Que and Stubbs BBQ 

This indulgence was also fantastically yummy. With Brazilian friends on with a local date, Texas BBQ never goes out of style. I had the chance to try it twice, both in unique and renown locations. I didn’t make it to Franklin, which is suppose to be the most famous one, with queue and waiting hours outside included, under the tremendous heat or the pouring rain. Also, it is located further away, closer to the airport, so there was zero chance I would made it in the electric scooters over there. But, to be fair, Cooper and Stubbs were outstanding and I think I did have my authentic experience regardless. 

8) Attend to SXSW

I mean, what else can I say? I think it’s self introductory but in case your Tupperware is way too sealed, this is THE event that you should attend to (on top of Austin City Limits Festival, which is only reserved for music performances) “It’s an annual conglomerate of film, interactive media, and music festivals and conferences that take place in mid-March in Austin, Texas, United States. It began in 1987 and has continued to grow in both scope and size every year”. Wake up early, stay up late. Dont forget about the music. Chose your venues and talks wisely. Download the SXSW app and pre-book your favorite talk with a day in advance And also, very mucho important, book some time to mingle and relax. The conferences are awesome but so do the exhibits, the films, the pop ups, the branded experiences but mostly the people.

9) Visit some historical sites

From old Austin Congress, to fun and corky hotel venues (which happens to have a really cool pool, BTW) to wonder around beyond the highway, Austin has always a hidden, usually fun and weird surprise waiting for you. Don’t be afraid to explore - although keep the discovery during daytime!

10) HAVE FREAKING FUN!

This is almost another one for granted. Almost about everything you do in Austin will be fun, weird, memorable and ex(h)austin. And, if you are lucky enough, the activities you do will be all of these at the same time. Dont forget to check out the Vietnamese Elizabeth Cafe for a beautiful and delicious dinner, drop by The Mohawk, another iconic music venue where I had the chance to listen to Japanese Breakfast for the second time this year (and I could just keep going!), get your morning joe at the Royal Blue Grocery as well as the cutest Frida Kahlo earrings and don’t doubt to try the local breakfast freshly made, squeezed and prepared at Easy Tiger Cafe, which is as good as in it’s Beer Garden and Brewery after hours hours option. Cheers Austin! You’ve officially become one of my favorite places in the US <3

[ecotone99]

Mike the Monkey [FN]

Mike the Monkey

Chapter One: Nuts

Any other day it would have been normal to swing around, walk about, snack on 'nanas, and talk about the weather. However, this day, when all was said and done, Mike the Monkey went on a little adventure. He went past the line of trees his mom told him was the boundary, and soon he would find out why she set those limitations. The journey was simple until he came upon something he had never seen before. He witnessed a squirrel eating a strange nut, with a crazy look in his eyes. When the squirrel noticed Mike, he offered him a piece of the football-sized nut. Mike's stomach tingled with nervousness and excitement like he had never felt before. Should he taste it? What if it's bad for me? Those were his thoughts. Well, I'm never in this neck of the woods, why not? That was the thought that followed. He took a big bite and the squirrel scampered away. "Hey where are you going?" exclaimed Mike. No response. He took another bite, dropped the rest, and started to swing his way back home when he felt something foreign. "I feel alive!" he said to himself, seemingly out of nowhere. He began recognizing how green the leaves were and how beautiful his home, the forest, was. He stopped near a stream to enjoy the beauty of the magnificent waters. Then he swung the rest of the way back home. Except, Mike didn't feel so fake. It felt warm and Mike relaxed his body as his mind raced. The next day Mike went back for the nuts that made him feel so alive the day before. Matter of fact, he went back for fourteen days straight. Each time becoming higher and deeper into what the neanderthals called, enlightenment. He began to go a little crazy, talking with bumblebees and running with the deer. Maybe he wasn't crazy at all, maybe he was exactly where he needed to be when he needed to be there. Next, in an attempt to rid his mind of the racing thoughts via physical exertion, Mike hopped in a river in an attempt to swim upstream. This worked, but only for a moment. He was being washed down the river rather violently. He attempted to latch on to logs but that didn't work. He was headed straight for a waterfall. With a last-stitch effort to not be flushed into a pit of more freshwater, Mike held onto a branch hanging near the waters. The branch screeched and snapped. Down the waterfall he went. The next thing Mike knew, he was in bed. He ached horribly all over. Bruised and battered but luckily he was alive. Friends and family visited him over the next few days. Finally, his uncle, who saved him from drowning came to visit. 'I've been following you, I ate the nut when I was your age... Keep fighting the good fight." Then his uncle vanished along with everyone else. Mike went into a deep sleep and when he woke, he had stories to tell.

Chapter 2: Freddie the Frog

"The first one goes something like this," announced Mike, sitting up in bed.

Freddie the Frog grew up jumping from lilipad to lilipad. Eating bugs and flies with his brothers and sisters. Freddie didn't realize it, but since day one he was a better jumper than his siblings and cousins. He would hop over lilipads, similar to how humans skip stairs when they run up them. "Hey Freddie, you've got some serious hops, I'm gunna enter you into the Amphibian Olympics this summer." This made Freddie anxious and he trained and trained. The day came for the competition and he was mad nervous. He threw-up his breakfast. When it came time for his turn to jump and compete, Freddie was nowhere to be found. His brothers, sisters, and cousins searched, but couldn't find him. He was disqualified from the Olympics. Freddie tuned up a day or two later. "Where the hell have you been?" "Well, I came across a toad and he taught me how to meditate so I've been meditating,' responded Freddie. "Turns out I'm not meant to be an athlete, I just want to live in peace." After that day, Freddie was careful to jump on every lilipad in his path, not skipping any anymore. "I just want to be a frog." Years later, Freddie competed in the Senior Olympics and won the silver medal. He didn't regret a thing and went on to train the most elite frogs in the swamp.

Chapter 3: Manny the Martian

"This next one hits a little closer to home for me... or is it further? Well here goes."

Manny the Martian was wondering around his home turf of Mars when a space bird told him he should visit Earth and that he might like it. "They have things called trees you can swing on, instead of walking around all day." What fun would that be, he thought, but he obliged and took a trip to a forest in Brazil. He was confused at first until he met a female monkey who taught him how to swing from branch to branch. High to low, low to high. He loved it. When it was time to go back home he took some tree seeds with him so he could plant them on Mars. He had to wait twenty years or so but it was worth it. His female cohort visited him on Mars and they had children together; teaching the young monkeys how to swing high to low, low to high, all across Mars.

Chapter 4: Rex the T-Rex

"Holy monkey man, that sounds kinda crazy. Kinda futuristic right?" Mike asked himself. "Anything is possible so these are all realistic. Here goes Rex."

Rex the T-Rex was red and had green spikes running down his spine. Rex was the type to make sense out of interesting points of view; he knew right from wrong. One day, Rex met up with his pals and they went swimming with the Loch Ness Monster. They came across a treasure chest and found necklaces and rings. Rex put four or five of the necklaces together to make one big necklace that fit around his neck. He was super cool now. His buddies did similar things, one making a dozen rings into one big gold tooth. When Rex returned home to his wife and no kids, he asked his wife how he looked. "Disgusting!" proclaimed Rex's wife. "You look like one of those damned neanderthals, take that off!" But Rex kept it on. He went to the bar the night to sip on some shark juice and he got all types of compliments. "Where'd you get that?" asked a velosa raptor. "Can't tell ya, it's a secret," replied Rex. They played pool and partied until the night was over. Walking home alone a giant bird-like creature swooped down and stole the necklace. Rex couldn't reach for it with his tiny arms. When he returned home, his wife asked, "What happened to your awesome necklace?" "It got stolen... wait, you liked it?" "Yes I did" she said and Rex went to bed hoping that one day he could earn another cool piece of bling.

Chapter 5: Barry the Bear

"That was something huh?" remarked Mike, " I'd like to think Rex went back and got some more jewelry but didn't show it off this time."

Barry the Baritone Bear was not your average bear. He moved with the winds like a bird and bellowed the entire time he moved. Only when he wasn't moving was he silent. His dad, a monotone-speaking bear, was a beloved writer among his peers. He and a female bear made Barry in the woods after Barry's dad wrote a piece of his soul. He called it, "Once a Bear, Never a Bear." It was very introspective and made up in a way he wanted it to be taken. The other bears didn't pay much attention to it. They called it "egotistical" and "selfish." He later called it, "Barely a Bear." Barry went on to sing in a choir and always had the solos. And because he had to be moving when he sang, his biggest fans were birds. Little did he know, he was a bird.

Chapter 6: The Rabid Rabbit

"Barry was a bird but still hung out with bears to soak up knowledge and use it in his songs. Barry wrote of heart-ache and evolution of all species he observed. This next tale, not so cushy," announced Mike

There once was a blood-thirsty rabbit. It ate cats, deer, and snakes. The only thing that ate it would be a bear, or so I thought. The rabbit would go into its hole, plot, then come out and enter deer dens and feast on the does and bucks. When out in nature, one can observe the rabbit eating grass, just waiting for a blood-having animal to enter its territory. One day, a human caught the rabbit and caged it. It would eat crickets and lizards. However, one day the rabid rabbit bit off the owner's finger. From that point on, the owner used steel gloves to deal with the trapped beast. The owner knew she shouldn't let the rabbit back out into nature. This went well until one day, one of the lizards got the upper-hand on the rabid rabbit. The lizard ate the rabbit and became blood-thirsty itself. The owner released the rabid lizard into the woods near her house. She was done dealing with these monsters. The lizard went back to its old ways and only ate bugs and smaller amphibians. Living the rest of its life in the wilderness eating rabid rabbits and he taught his offspring to do the same.

Chapter 7: Jake the Snake

The ex-owner of the rabid rabbit and rabid lizard couldn't sleep well knowing of these beasts. She regretted letting the lizard go but all was well because the lizard had morals.

"Okay, so..." Mike began. He slithered through the medium-high grasses to get to the stream. Jake the Snake was thirsty and also looking for a quick meal. This meant scavenging across the grasses for a mouse or something. He didn't really care, anything would work that day. He hadn't eaten in almost seventy-two hours and was ready to fill his belly and rest up. He knew what it would mean to come across a family of mice and take away what he could. It meant hurting a family and that was exactly what he hated doing. See Jake grew up eating grass and rice. His dad introduced him to live prey and his mom left his father because of it. She was a healer and couldn't stand the sight of her son's ways. Jake was ready to begin something different. After one final mouse, he told himself he would never do it again. Eat live prey. Grass is living too but it doesn't have a soul like something with a heartbeat does. Grass may have a soul but that's a topic for a different discussion.

Chapter 8: Dollie the Platypus

That was it. Jake digested the mouse and just like that he was on to a new. Or so he thought. Another seventy-two hours later and he was back to craving live prey. He knew better but did he have what it takes or did he give in to temptation? "I'd like to think he changed but at the end of the day, he was a snake, and snakes eat mice."

Dollie the Platypus performs every weekend night. She does flips and handstands and elaborate juggling. Come to find out, Dollie wasn't raised to be in the circus. She was raised to be a sign-language interpreter for musicals. She would always have the crowd laughing though, distracting the audience from the musical. She was let go from that career and then went on to join the circus. She made friends with Henry the Hamster and Jennie the Lion. Everyone loves her performances and you can catch her every weekend night as she travels across the globe with her friends.

Chapter 9: Ron the Rhino

"That was a little more light-hearted than the previous, wouldn't you say?" asked Mike as he shrugged.

Ron the Rhino grew up with a normal life like all the other rhinos. They traveled, fed, and played together in their youth. However, when he was growing into the adult rhino he was destined to be there was one minor hiccup. Ron's horn never got any bigger. It was just a couple inches long. All the other rhinos thought it was funny. They called him names like, "baby horn", "little horn", "rhiNO horn", to name a few. Well, one day they were feeding together and Ron had had enough with the name-calling and bullying. He wrestled and pinned down one of the hecklers and poked him with his horn. Ron, nor the other rhinos knew he had that aggression in him. The other rhinos were scared of Ron after that and because of it, he was named King of the Rhinos.

Chapter 10: Hector the Butterfly

"Mad respect for Ron, I wouldn't mess with him... No way" proclaimed Mike. "Here goes another one of the tales I came across."

Hector the butterfly was only an eager caterpillar when this story began. Every bug has its own individual story, even if they don't know it. Hector was born with dozens of other bugs and resided in the poop he was born near. It was in a vast forest in the middle of a country. He, like his comrades, branched out and crawled into the woods. Some of Hector's unlucky siblings were swooped up by birds. One day, Hector ventured a little further than usual and met another caterpillar named Cindy. They feasted together and decided that no matter what, they would remain friends through their upcoming transformation. Time passed and Hector transformed. The summer sun shining brightly with reds, pinks, and greens. He looked and felt great but had forgotten all about Cindy. One day, he met a moth that smoked grass. She was downright ugly but Hector was drawn to her laid-back and cool demeanor. They went on adventures together, day and night. Then, one day, Hector re-united with Cindy near a stream. They said their hellos but were clearly on separate paths.

Chapter 11: Sharon the Waffle Iron

"Or were they on the same path? Time will tell and they continued moving with mother nature through all the seasons." said Mike.

Sharon the Waffle Iron makes the best waffles. She never complains but does get a little dirty. She had been working one day on a batch of chocolate chip waffles when she suddenly turned off. The owner unplugged her and kept her downstairs for years after her malfunction. One day, the owner's son came across Sharon, even though out-dated, he decided to plug her back in. What a shame, she sleeps through one waffle and gets banished to the basement for a dozen years before getting resurrected. "Think that's bad? Wait til you hear about her cousin, Igor the Iron."

Chapter 12: Igor the Iron

Igor was at worst, a bad iron. But at his best, he made the most perfectly creased pants that there are. One day, Igor threw up and spat water all over his owner's khakis, making him late for work. Banished to the garage for twelve years. Then, he was given to Goodwill to be bought by a man who used Igor to straighten his ties. The new owner was dating Sharon the Waffle Iron's owner. They moved in together, the two resurrected irons together now. One for making waffles, the other straightened his gay owner's ties. They lived together for a while. To this day as a matter of fact. The irons witnessed thing they could never un-see but at the end of the day, they were happy to be put to use.

Chapter 13: Kenny the Kangaroo

"Having a purpose in important, don't you think? I'm just glad I have these stories to tell you," Mike said. "Thanks for tuning in."

Kenny the Kangaroo had lots of friends. Mostly bears, but they didn't want to eat Kenny because he brought them joy. He would dance for them, sing for them, and even cook for them. That was until one day, one of the cubs got reckless and hungry and decided to eat Kenny. Kenny had a daughter, years later she went on to be a doctor. One day, a sick bear came into her office and confessed, "I ate a kangaroo when I was little, I didn't realize the pain it would ensue on my family, leaving them depressed... I ate our joy." The kangaroo-doctor prescribed medication and the bear went on to have his own offspring. When he told them stories, they would always end with, "Don't kill what brings you joy."

Chapter 14: Benny the Burrito

"A little dark, I know, but the deeper message is, don't kill at all, regardless of the effect that being has on you... Anyways."

Benny the Burrito sat in the freezer for two weeks before his owner pulled him out. Before that, he was in the back of a grocery delivery van for three hours. Before that, he was in a warehouse for three days. He had a lot of friends, other items knowing that their doom was getting close. Food lives for death... That's what brings them joy. For some reason, they were all a little anxious to find out what life was like after being digested and pooped out. Spending their dying days telling stories and reliving the days when they didn't know what food they'd be eaten with or what drinks they'd be digested with. Benny was quiet. He didn't have any parents but had tons of cousins who were born at a similar time than he was. Anyways, today was the day Benny would be introduced to the afterlife. He was eaten with celery sticks and a cup of milk. Now his brothers, by way of poop buddies, they got eaten and digested within twelve hours. In the afterlife, they were flushed to a nearby dump where they met other poop. All of them with similar stories but there was one in particular that had stayed in tact. It was made with corn and the corn was still whole. "I was just a burrito, now I'm poop," announced Benny.

Chapter 15: Chris the Chandelier

"Gross I know," Mike confessed. "This next ones should brighten things up."

Christopher the Chandelier was super fancy. Starting from one single diamond, she blossomed into a wonderful chandelier. Overseeing everything in the Smith's home. She was never ashamed to shine so bright. She even sparkled a bit in the moonlight. One day, one of the Smith's sons had a party and Chris got shattered by some drunk teens. How reckless... Didn't they know Chris was worth thousands? They hit her with bats until she was down to her last diamond. The diamond stayed in tact, the son threw out the drunks, and he used Christopher's last diamond to put into a ring. He used it to propose to his girlfriend six years later.

Chapter 16: Enrique the Lobster

Enrique the Lobster grew up near the shore of Los Angeles. He had many crab friends and some lobster friends that he's known since he was a little guy. Born and raised by his mother, his father left the nest but left him with many blessings. Most of which confused Enrique. "Why would this guy leave us before even meeting us?" "He did it because he loved you guys," the mother told Enrique and his siblings. "Oh well," he thought. "Now I get to live out my own journey." Hoping one day he would reach his father and make him proud for leaving the nest. The rest is still up for grabs. Enrique's out there somewhere searching for his dad but his dad didn't want his son to feel that pain. They communicated telepathically and his father said, "Find a nice female, get her pregnant, and you'll see where I'm coming from." Enrique did just that but still felt the need to be near his new family. "I love my little guys, I will never leave them." He taught the little guys games and just when he thought he couldn't take it anymore, he swam away. Leaving his family and now in search of a deeper meaning. Never realizing he left everything he needed. Pray for Enrique, he could use it.

Chapter 17: Henry the Giraffe

"I'd like to think he figured his was out of the mess he's in... Enrique will be fine, I promise... So will our next character," announced Mike the Monkey.

Henry grew up in what the middle of what the ecosystem called, 'the twilight zone'. In 'the twilight zone', giraffes got sacrificed in order for the other animals to feel something emotionally. There wasn't any hunting during this time so they needed some way to promote positivity and what better way then by killing off the beloved giraffes. The thing about it though was they never really died, they just went to Brazil to live in presumed Heaven. They started a religion there by promoting happiness among the little ones in Brazil. Henry got taken to Brazil and there he met the love of his life, Ezra. Ezra was born and raised here. A purebred just waiting for her giraffe in shining armor. When Henry arrived he still thought he was going to be killed but instead, it was the opposite. Henry had everything he ever needed- good food, good vibes, and a good female. If only the giraffes back home knew how good it was here.

Chapter 18: Chester the Trampoline

"Brazil kinda sounds like Heaven, wouldn't you say?" Mike asked. "Couple more to go."

Chester the trampoline was jumped on by kids from all over the neighborhood. He would never jump back because he knew what it would mean if he did. He would take his beatings, sometimes five to six kids at a time. One time he sported a net around his edges, protecting the kids from getting hurtb ecause one day a kid got double-bounced and fell off. The owner limited it to three kids at a time after that. Through all seven of the years, Chester broke only two springs. One time a kid jumped on the springs, didn't get hurt, but that popped the spring out of place. He allowed all types of monkey business. Another time a kid who collected bouncy balls brought his collection into Hector. They loved it. The balls were even happy. Giggling kids made Chester the happiest. Then, when the kids entered high school, Chester was dismantled and sold on eBay. The owner bought a new toy, Mike the Moped.

Chapter 19: Thank You for Tuning In

Now that all was said and done, Mike began living his life again. He reminisced on the days he would hang around with his buddies. Mike was a new monkey. With all the knowledge gained, Mike was ready to settle down and find a female. Her name was Heather. Heather was known for being a little promiscuous but Mike didn't mind. They tamed one another and could almost read each-other's minds. When Mike was happy, Heather was happy. But when Mike was sad and caught up in the past, Heather would be there, just happy enough to be in the presence of her favorite monkey, Mike.

"I don't regret anything, ever," announced Mike. "Without those nuts and that fall, I wouldn't know what such enlightenment meant." Mike was grateful for everything, especially the words from his uncle. "Keep fighting the good fight, but..." Mike modified, "with a dash of love."

Now our final story from the author, himself.

Chapter 20: Lenny the Lamp

Lenny the Lamp was in a trance as he waited to be picked up from the store. He was staring at the inside of the box, hearing all the people in the store discuss their purchases, when a man picked him up. The man used him as a bookend until one day, his Grandson asked what the lamp was all about. My Grandpa didn't have a real use for the salt lamp anymore and Matt would use it to its full potential. It heard Matt's dreams and even his nightmares. I just turned off the salt lamp AKA Lenny and I know the gift from my Grandpa will be there when I lay down tonight. Grateful and thankful for family and friends.

submitted by /u/malexy__ [link] [comments] via Blogger https://ift.tt/2CTdeZc

[flauntpage]

I’m Absolutely All In On #HarperLent

The Phillies are no doubt a better team than the one that collapsed down the stretch a season ago, but even after the J.T. Realmuto trade that brought one of the game’s best catchers to Philadelphia, I still feel a void that I can’t seem to shake. Every night, just as I close my eyes and prepare to go to my dream world, I find myself longing not of days gone by, but of days yet to come. Warm, sunny days. Ones when I adoringly watch Bryce Harper with amazement and wonder from the seats of Citizens Bank Park do that magic that he does.  In one hand a cell phone that captures his latest right field second-deck blast, in the other a gently melted Phillies mini-helmet ice cream sundae. That would be a great treat for me.

Those days seem so close, yet so far. For now, we continue to wait with unease and angst as the Harper (and Manny Machado, I guess) drama plays out. Indeed, it’s been a tough winter as we first endured the early agent/front office posturing that manifested in ambiguous thirst-tweets from baseball reporters like this one:

Given the opportunity to shoot down rumors they could go for both Harper and Machado, a Philly person did not do it. Everything’s on the table it seems. They clearly aim to win. #phillies

— Jon Heyman (@JonHeyman) November 6, 2018

What were initially welcomed tasty morsels of goodness turned bitter and stale by Christmas, but the recent lack of Phillies/Harper speculation has me now longing for a nibble of those agenda-driven crumbs. I didn’t know it then, but I need them for sustenance.

It’s been tough sitting back, just feeling absolutely helpless as I aggressively swipe my right thumb down on my cell phone, refreshing my Twitter feed in search of a Harper update to no avail. Yet I feel hopeful this morning. I needed something new. Something proactive. Something to believe in. As it turns out, I needed #HarperLent, the brainchild of 94WIP Evening Show producer/High Hopes Podcast co-host Jack Fritz. I’ll let him explain after the jump:

Pressure’s on. @Bharper3407 #HarperLent pic.twitter.com/sTTK86Mpaq

— Jack Fritz (@JackFritzWIP) February 8, 2019

Fritz is urging Phillies fans everywhere to give up something they enjoy, in his case beer, until Harper signs with the Phillies. I asked Fritz about where he came up with the idea:

I just always thought the idea of sacrificing something to get a guy was funny. I was just sitting on my couch and it hit me and (WIP Host/Producer) James Seltzer was all in. I also have been sending weather updates to Bryce Harper all week. So it was kind of an evolution from that.

It’s so stupid, so weird, and so desperate that it’s…perfect. I’m 100% in. It’s time to stop sitting on the sidelines. We need to take matters into our own hands here. Now, I’m not going to give up beer because that’s borderline psychotic shit, but I think I’ve got something. I know this is hard to believe considering my svelte yet chiseled build, but among the things I’ve ingested since Monday include:

A Wendy’s Frosty

A Chik-fil-A Milkshake

A Snickers Bar (x2)

At least 10 bite size Milky Way bars (there’s a fun bag in my desk at work)

A pack of Skittles

A pack of Swedish Fish

A pack of those circular caramels with the white icing. Love those things.

That’s not great and it looks even more repulsive when I write it out. True story: I ran 30 miles this week and put on one pound because I eat like a human dumpster. But not anymore–no candy, no sweets, no ice cream, and, perhaps, no more self-loathing and body image issues starting right now. #HarperLent

    The post I’m Absolutely All In On #HarperLent appeared first on Crossing Broad.

I’m Absolutely All In On #HarperLent published first on https://footballhighlightseurope.tumblr.com/

[mannylikessims]

👉 inspired by this chapter 👉 read from the beginning

The Villareals return September 8, 2023! See you then 🌚 [old news lol]

Credits Gossip Queens poses by JoanneBernice

[krysrawfiggs]

1-154

1.Full name:Krysten Alexandra Figueroa but you will reffer to me as Krysfiggs

2.Zodiac sign:Im a cusp baby born as the day changed. I am a leo/virgo

3. 3 Fears:Spiders, being alone forever, my fam disowning me for being gay

4. 3 things I love:Being surrounded by awesome people, video games, outdoor activities

5. 4 turns ons:Firey passion, neck biting, n eyes.. its always the eyes, n intelligence

6.4 turns offs: Lack of intelligence, if youre rude in general, if youre clingy, lack of understanding n compassion

7. My best friend:I have a coupleNadia, amanda, n bree (when shes not being an idiot)

8. Sexual orientation:Lezzzzzzzzbbbbiiiiannnnnnnnn

9. My best first date:So far going out into town in the middle of a rainstorm running dancing n dickin round and then showing up soaked n eating at friendlys

10. How tall am I:Im 5'5"11. What do I missNot paying bills

12. What time were I born:12am on the dot

13. Favourite colour:I like deep colors. I used to say deep blue but i do love red n grey too

14.Do I have a crushXD maybe! Ok yea. I do. But i aint tell you.

15. Favourite quoteGod theres too many…

16.Favourite placePuerto rico

17. Favourite foodGawd this is hard ok. I have the soul of a very very fat man. If i had to pick one thing…itd have to be my moms pernil (pork shoulder)

18. Do I use sarcasmNever im a sweetheart😆

19. What am I listening to right nowEvie- last dinosaurs

20.First thing I notice in new personEyesss…eyess…eyess…….!

21.Shoe size822. Eye colourBrown anytime of dayGold in the sun

23.Hair colourBlack as the normBrownish in the sunlightBlue when its overcast

24.Favourite style of clothingandrogynous 25. Ever done a prank call?Yup i bothered the fuck outta kymmie for months before i gave myself up xD

26.What colour of underwear I’m wearing now? Burgandy See thru lace

27. Meaning behind my URLWelp minus the word raw its just my name. If my father didnt delete my 1st blog and of someone in asia didnt take my old username right after it wouldnt be as stupid.

28. Favourite movieToo many brahhh

29. Favourite song

30.Favourite bandBloc party, last dinosaurs, split milk society

31.How I feel right nowHorngry n lonely. Lusting for warm weather and beach weather

32.Someone I love.In what context?

33.My current relationship statusSingle af

34.My relationship with my parentsCurrently ok..

35. Favourite holiday Hmm i dont have one

36.Tattoos and piercings?I have average ear piercings But i want a lip ring n a tatoo of leo n virgo fighting inside of the sun ony shoulder

37.Tattoos and piercing i wantWhoops jumped the gun. Please refer to 36

38.The reason I joined TumblrMy friends at the time

39.Do I and my last ex hate each other? Nope we’re cool

40. Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts?I used too from my so. But now its just my good friend manny

41.Have I ever kissed the last person you texted? Hmmm no

42. When did I last hold hands?Non romantically:I held hands with my lil sister cuz she doesnt know how to cross a freggin road without getting hit by a car! But romantically: its been over a year and a half.

43. How long does it take me to get ready in the morning? 10mins

44.Have I shaved your legs in the past three days?Its been a good 6/7 months. Im at man status rn

45.Where am I right now? Trapped on a bus with zombies from nyc somewhere on the way to newburgh

46.If I were drunk & can’t stand, who’s taking care of me? In oswego it would be chance. Here.. idk it hasnt happend.. but my best bet would be nadia

47.Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level?Both. Depends where i am

48.Do I live with my Mom and Dad?Yes. Please dont ask how its going. Its not well.

49.Am I excited for anything?Yes. The 3 day weekend

50.Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to?No i only have 2 chill male friends

51.How often do I wear a fake smile?Often enough

52.When was the last time I hugged someone?That would be last sunday i hugged holly. We went for a movie and a bite n caught up since inhavent seen her in 5ever

53.What if the last person I kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me?Its w/e as long as you happy n your not like eating face

54.Is there anyone I trust even though I should not?Yea

55.What is something I disliked about today?Evelyn being passive agressive towards me. Makes me uncomf. But i could care less.

56.If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?Rebecca sugar

57. What do I think about most? Its gonna be one of 3 things, women, video games, food

58. What’s my strangest talent?I can get really creepy really fast. Iv been told to try out to be villians or serial killers in movies

59.Do I have any strange phobias?Spiders

60.Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it? Both

61. What was the last lie I told?

62.Do I prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?Im old skool ill show up at your house ;) jk phone so no one can see this akward mess

63.Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens?Yes

64.Do I believe in magic?Yes

65. Do I believe in luck? Yes

66.What’s the weather like right now? Bloody cold

67. What was the last book I’ve read? Allegiant

68. Do I like the smell of gasoline?Addicted

69. Do I have any nicknames?Krys, elmo, jesus

70. What was the worst injury I’ve ever had? I have 12 stiches on my thumb both for cuts by blades oh n the one time i was going down a mt. On my longboard n i fell and got the worst road rash on my ass.

71. Do I spend money or save it?Both

72. Can I touch my nose with a tongue?No

73. Is there anything pink in 10 feets from me? Idts?

74.Favourite animal?Otter

75. What was I doing last night at 12 AM?Hehhhh better not say

76. What do I think is Satan’s last name is? Idfk

77.What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it?Anything fr the last dinosaurs

78. How can you win my heart? Compassion understanding and a drive no one else has.

79.What would I want to be written on my tombstone?Im not gonna be burried.

80. What is my favourite wordOogle

81. My top 5 blogs on tumblr Ill answer later

82.If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say?

83.Do I have any relatives in jail?Yes

84.I accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super-power of my choice! What is that power? Speed

85.What would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on? Feelings are a tough subject

86. What is my current desktop picture? An image from second son

87. Had sex?Why yes i have

88.Bought condoms?Nopes

89.Gotten pregnant? Nopes too gay for that shit90. Failed a class?Several

91. Kissed a boy? Yep im not a gold star lezzy no more

92. Kissed a girl? Many

93.Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain?Yes. Im super cheesey i do things like that all the time

94.Had job?I have a job95.Left the house without my wallet?Keys and liecensexD

96. Bullied someone on the internet? Nope

97.Had sex in public? Yes

98. Played on a sports team? Several

99. Smoked weed? Yasss

100. Did drugs? Ive tried some shit

101. Smoked cigarettes? Never now thats nasty

102. Drank alcohol? Yes

103. Am I a vegetarian/vegan? Never

104. Been overweight?yes

105. Been underweight?yes

106. Been to a wedding?yes

107. Been on the computer for 5 hours straight? Days

108. Watched TV for 5 hours straight? When i was younger

109. Been outside my home country?yes

110. Gotten my heart broken? Many times

111.Been to a professional sports game? Yes

112. Broken a bone? Do Teeth count?

113. Cut myself? Not on purpose

114. Been to prom? Unfortunaly. Thats an akward story. If i didnt go i coulda stayed in puerto rico longer. But nooo joe had to ask my parents…

115. Been in airplane? Yes

116. Fly by helicopter? No. But ive been in some heavy duty military air craft

117. What concerts have I been to?Walk the moon, in hs i saw i see stars mega concert there were like 20 bands there idr them all, versaemerge, dragonforce

118.Had a crush on someone of the same sex?Yeaaa im megagay

119.Learned another language?I can fully understand spanish. But i cant speak it.

120. Wore make up? Im alergic to eyeliner xD

121.Lost my virginity before I was 18?Yes

123. Had oral sex? Yes.😍

124.Dyed my hair?Ive never dyed my hair

125.Voted in a presidential election? Yes both times for obama♡ . n fuck you, you lil orange dicked cheeto (donald trump)

126.Rode in an ambulance?Yes i did when i sliced my thumb deep with an exacto and was bleeding everywhere

127. Had a surgery?No

128. Met someone famous? Yes i have i met that guy from “what would you do” when i was staying in maryland. Also i stick around after theater shows and concerts to meet the actors, performers, and musicians

129.Stalked someone on a social network?Guilty

130. Peed outside?Um who hasnt?

131. Been fishing?Yes. Anyone wanna join me this spring?

132. Helped with charity? Yea every 3 weeks i participate in a soup kitched in poukipsee with my siblings and my cousins.

133. Been rejected by a crush?I have unfortunate luck.

134. Broken a mirror? Haha yea i did once

135. What do I want for birthday? Id love to go somewhere amazing and warm with awesome people. If im dating someone id love to actually have a birthday kiss. #neverhadoneonmybirthday

136.How many kids do I want and what will be their names?By kids you mean dogs? N id have all of them. Theyd have really crude/harsh spanish names.

137.Was I named after anyone?No but krysten means follower of chridtXD

138.Do I like my handwriting? Sometimes

139. What was my favourite toy as a child? Why it was my stuffy scooby doo

140.Favourite Tv Show? Gawd theres so many. But steven universe👌🖒

141.Where do I want to live when older?Puerto rico when i hit the lotto

143. Play any musical instrument? I can play the trumpet, the recorder, basic drum beat, and im learning the uke

144.One of my scars, how did I get it?Sliced my thumb with a woodcutter one year. Then the next year same thumb with a brand new exacto. Landed me in the hosp 2ice total 12 stiches

145.Favourite pizza toping? Extra cheese

146.Am I afraid of the dark? Sometimes. Im more worried bout the it under the bed that comes out when you dont have sheets on.

147.Am I afraid of heights?No. In my stage craft class i was the only one who wasnt scared of heights they sent me high up to work on stuff they also sent me 60ft up to the grid too 😎

148.Have I ever got caught sneaking out or doing anything bad?Yes and i had my ass handed to me on a silver platter several times.

149.Have I ever tried my hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end?Yes. All the time.

150.What I’m really bad atBeing social. Talking to girls. Drawing.

151.What my greatest achievements are. Being the first to graduate college.

152.The meanest thing somebody has ever said to meYou should see the list of stuff my parents have told me since i was little. Its a little too awful to put on here.

153.What I’d do if I won in a lottery. Top secret Plans back the fuck up

154. What do I like about myself Um my bed head. Idk

155.My closest Tumblr friend Haha nadia

156.Something I fantasise about my exTisk tisk ladies n gents we shouldnt be reopening wounds like this. *points finger n shakes it like a noodle*

[mannylikessims]

Hello, I'm Manny and I love sims stories and fanart!

I write stories like The True Story of the Villareal Family about the Windenburg family that Definitely Does Not Have Any Secrets.

Rating: T for teen, D for morbidly dark humor Updates: Mondays & Thursdays & maybe Wednesdays Themes: 👨‍👧‍👦 🎭 🌚 💘

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✦ First chapter ✦ Latest chapter ✦ Index ✦ Chrono (for binge-reading!)

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Other Sims stories (for light reading!)

✦ Bite-sized stories

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Testimonials for The True Story of the Villareal Family ❤️

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thx 4 reading, love u ✌️💝 ~Manny

[ecotone99]

Mike the Monkey [FN]

Mike the Monkey

​

Chapter One: Nuts

Any other day it would have been normal to swing around, walk about, snack on 'nanas, and talk about the weather. However, this day, when all was said and done, Mike the Monkey went on a little adventure. He went past the line of trees his mom told him was the boundary, and soon he would find out why she set those limitations. The journey was simple until he came upon something he had never seen before. He witnessed a squirrel eating a strange nut, with a crazy look in his eyes. When the squirrel noticed Mike, he offered him a piece of the football-sized nut. Mike's stomach tingled with nervousness and excitement like he had never felt before. Should he taste it? What if it's bad for me? Those were his thoughts. Well, I'm never in this neck of the woods, why not? That was the thought that followed. He took a big bite and the squirrel scampered away. "Hey where are you going?" exclaimed Mike. No response. He took another bite, dropped the rest, and started to swing his way back home when he felt something foreign. "I feel alive!" he said to himself, seemingly out of nowhere. He began recognizing how green the leaves were and how beautiful his home, the forest, was. He stopped near a stream to enjoy the beauty of the magnificent waters. Then he swung the rest of the way back home. Except, Mike didn't feel so fake. It felt warm and Mike relaxed his body as his mind raced. The next day Mike went back for the nuts that made him feel so alive the day before. Matter of fact, he went back for fourteen days straight. Each time becoming higher and deeper into what the neanderthals called, enlightenment. He began to go a little crazy, talking with bumblebees and running with the deer. Maybe he wasn't crazy at all, maybe he was exactly where he needed to be when he needed to be there. Next, in an attempt to rid his mind of the racing thoughts via physical excretion, Mike hopped in a river in an attempt to swim upstream. This worked, but only for a moment. He was being washed down the river rather violently. He attempted to latch on to logs but that didn't work. He was headed straight for a waterfall. With a last-stitch effort to not be flushed into a pit of more freshwater, Mike held onto a branch hanging near the waters. The branch screeched and snapped. Down the waterfall he went. The next thing Mike knew, he was in bed. He ached horribly all over. Bruised and battered but luckily he was alive. Friends and family visited him over the next few days. Finally, his uncle, who saved him from drowning came to visit. 'I've been following you, I ate the nut when I was your age... Keep fighting the good fight." Then his uncle vanished along with everyone else. Mike went into a deep sleep and when he woke, he had stories to tell.

​

Chapter 2: Freddie the Frog

"The first one goes something like this," announced Mike, sitting up in bed.

Freddie the Frog grew up jumping from lilipad to lilipad. Eating bugs and flies with his brothers and sisters. Freddie didn't realize it, but since day one he was a better jumper than his siblings and cousins. He would hop over lilipads, similar to how humans skip stairs when they run up them. "Hey Freddie, you've got some serious hops, I'm gunna enter you into the Amphibian Olympics this summer." This made Freddie anxious and he trained and trained. The day came for the competition and he was mad nervous. He threw-up his breakfast. When it came time for his turn to jump and compete, Freddie was nowhere to be found. His brothers, sisters, and cousins searched, but couldn't find him. He was disqualified from the Olympics. Freddie tuned up a day or two later. "Where the hell have you been?" "Well, I came across a toad and he taught me how to meditate so I've been meditating,' responded Freddie. "Turns out I'm not meant to be an athlete, I just want to live in peace." After that day, Freddie was careful to jump on every lilipad in his path, not skipping any anymore. "I just want to be a frog." Years later, Freddie competed in the Senior Olympics and won the silver medal. He didn't regret a thing and went on to train the most elite frogs in the swamp.

​

Chapter 3: Manny the Martian

"This next one hits a little closer to home for me... or is it further? Well here goes."

Manny the Martian was wondering around his home turf of Mars when a space bird told him he should visit Earth and that he might like it. "They have things called trees you can swing on, instead of walking around all day." What fun would that be, he thought, but he obliged and took a trip to a forest in Brazil. He was confused at first until he met a female monkey who taught him how to swing from branch to branch. High to low, low to high. He loved it. When it was time to go back home he took some tree seeds with him so he could plant them on Mars. He had to wait twenty years or so but it was worth it. His female cohort visited him on Mars and they had children together. Teaching the young monkeys how to swing high to low, low to high, all across Mars.

​

Chapter 4: Rex the T-Rex

"Holy monkey man, that sounds kinda crazy. Kinda futuristic right?" Mike asked himself. "Anything is possible so these area all realistic. Here goes Rex."

Rex the T-Rex was red and had green spikes running down his spine. Rex was the type to make sense out of interesting points of view. He knew right from wrong. One day, Rex met up with his pals and they went swimming with the loch ness monster. They came across a treasure chest and found necklaces and rings. Rex put four or five of the necklaces together to make one big necklace that fit around his neck. He was super cool now. His buddies did similar things, one making a dozen rings into one big gold tooth. When Rex returned home to his wife and no kids, he asked his wife how he looked. "Disgusting!" proclaimed Rex's wife. "You look like one of those damned neanderthals, take that off!" But Rex kept it on. He went to the bar that night to sip on some shark juice and he got all types of compliments. "Where'd you get that?" asked a velosa raptor. "Can't tell ya, it's a secret," replied Rex. They played pool and partied until the night was over. Walking home alone a giant bird-like creature swooped down and stole the necklace. Rex couldn't reach for it with his tiny arms. When he returned home, his wife asked, "What happened to your awesome necklace?" "It got stolen... wait, you liked it?" "Yes I did" she said and Rex went to bed hoping that one day he could earn another cool piece of bling.

​

Chapter 5: Barry the Bear

"That was something huh?" remarked Mike, " I'd like to think Rex went back and got some more jewelry but didn't show it off this time."

Barry the Baritone Bear was not your average bear. He moved with the winds like a bird and bellowed the entire time he moved. Only when he wasn't moving was he silent. His dad, a monotone-speaking bear, was a beloved writer among his peers. He and a female bear made Barry in the woods after Barry's dad wrote a piece of his soul. He called it, "Once a Bear, Never a Bear." It was very introspective and made up in a way he wanted it to be taken. The other bears didn't pay much attention to it. They called it, "egotistical" and "selfish." He later called it, "Barely a Bear." Barry went on to sing in a choir and always had the solos. And because he had to be moving when he sang, his biggest fans were birds. Little did he know, he was a bird.

​

Chapter 6: The Rabid Rabbit

"Barry was a bird but still hung out with bears to soak up knowledge and use it in his songs. Barry wrote of heart-ache and evolution of all species he observed. This next tale, not so cushy," announced Mike

There once was a blood-thirsty rabbit. It ate cats, deer, and snakes. The only thing that ate it would be a bear, or so I thought. The rabbit would go into its hole, plot, then come out and enter deer dens and feast on the does and bucks. When out in nature, one can observe the rabbit eating grass, just waiting for a blood-having animal to enter its territory. One day, a human caught the rabbit and caged it. It would eat crickets and lizards. However, one day the rabid rabbit bit off the owner's finger. From that point on, the owner used steel gloves to deal with the trapped beast. The owner knew she shouldn't let the rabbit back out into nature. This went well until one day, one of the lizards got the upper-hand on the rabid rabbit. The lizard ate the rabbit and became blood-thirsty itself. The owner released the rabid lizard into the woods near her house. She was done dealing with these monsters. The lizard went back to its old ways and only ate bugs and smaller amphibians. Living the rest of its life in the wilderness eating rabid rabbits and he taught his offspring to do the same.

​

Chapter 7: Jake the Snake

The ex-owner of the rabid rabbit and rabid lizard couldn't sleep well knowing of these beasts. She regretted letting the lizard go but all was well because the lizard had morals.

"Okay, so..." Mike began. He slithered through the medium-high grasses to get to the stream. Jake the Snake was thirsty and also looking for a quick meal. This meant scavenging across the grasses for a mouse or something. He didn't really care, anything would work that day. He hadn't eaten in almost seventy-two hours and was ready to fill his belly and rest up. He knew what it would mean to come across a family of mice and take away what he could. It meant hurting a family and that was exactly what he hated doing. See Jake grew up eating grass and rice. His dad introduced him to live prey and his mom left his father because of it. She was a healer and couldn't stand the sight of her son's ways. Jake was ready to begin something different. After one final mouse, he told himself he would never do it again. Eat live prey. Grass is living too but it doesn't have a soul like something with a heartbeat does. Grass may have a soul but that's a topic for a different discussion.

​

Chapter 8: Dollie the Platypus

That was it. Jake digested the mouse and just like that he was on to a new. Or so he thought. Another seventy-two hours later and he was back to craving live prey. He knew better but did he have what it takes or did he give in to temptation? "I'd like to think he changed but at the end of the day, he was a snake, and snakes eat mice."

Dollie the Platypus performs every weekend night. She does flips and handstands and elaborate juggling. Come to find out, Dollie wasn't raised to be in the circus. She was raised to be a sign-language interpreter for musicals. She would always have the crowd laughing though, distracting the audience from the musical. She was let go from that career and then went on to join the circus. She made friends with Henry the Hamster and Jennie the Lion. Everyone loves her performances and you can catch her every weekend night as she travels across the globe with her friends.

​

Chapter 9: Ron the Rhino

"That was a little more light-hearted than the previous, wouldn't you say?" asked Mike.

Ron the Rhino grew up with a normal life like all the other rhinos. They traveled and fed and played together in their youth. However, when he was growing into the adult rhino he was destined to be there was one minor hiccup. Ron's horn never got any bigger. It was just a couple inches long. All the other rhinos thought it was funny. They called him names like, "baby horn", "little horn", "rhiNO horn", to name a few. Well, one day they were feeding together and Ron had had enough with the name-calling and bullying. He wrestled and pinned down one of the hecklers and poked him with his horn. Ron, nor the other rhinos knew he had that aggression in him. The other rhinos were scared of Ron after that and because of it, he was named King of the Rhinos.

​

Chapter 10: Hector the Butterfly

"Mad respect for Ron, I wouldn't mess with him... No way" announced Mike. "Here goes another one of the tales I came across."

Hector the butterfly was only an eager caterpillar when this story began. Every bug has its own individual story, even if they don't know it. Hector was born with dozens of other bugs and resided in the poop he was born near. It was in a vast forest in the middle of a country. He, like his comrades, branched out and crawled into the woods. Some of Hector's unlucky siblings were swooped up by birds. One day, Hector ventured a little further than usual and met another caterpillar named Cindy. They feasted together and decided that no matter what, they would remain friends through their upcoming transformation. Time passed and Hector transformed. The summer sun shining brightly with reds, pinks, and greens. He looked and felt great but had forgotten all about Cindy. One day, he met a moth that smoked grass. She was downright ugly but Hector was drawn to her laid-back and cool demeanor. They went on adventures together, day and night. Then, one day, Hector re-united with Cindy near a stream. They said their hellos but were clearly on separate paths.

​

Chapter 11: Sharon the Waffle Iron

"Or were they on the same path? Time will tell and they continued moving with mother nature through all the seasons." -Mike.

Sharon the Waffle Iron makes the best waffles. She never complains but does get a little dirty. She had been working one day on a batch of chocolate chip waffles and turned off. The owner unplugged her and kept her downstairs for years after her malfunction. One day, the owner's son came across Sharon, even though out-dated, he decided to plug her back in. What a shame, she sleeps through one waffle and gets banished to the basement for a dozen years before getting resurrected. "Think that's bad? Wait til you hear about her cousin, Igor the Iron."

​

Chapter 12: Igor the Iron

Igor was at worst, a bad iron. But at his best, he made the most perfectly creased pants that there are. One day, Igor threw up and spat water all over his owner's khakis, making him late for work. Banished to the garage for twelve years. Then, he was given to Goodwill to be bought by a man who used Igor to straighten his ties. The new owner was dating Sharon the Waffle Iron's owner. They moved in together, the two resurrected irons together now. One for making waffles, the other straightened his gay owner's ties. They lived together for a while. To this day as a matter of fact. The irons witnessed thing they could never un-see but at the end of the day, they were happy to be put to use.

​

Chapter 13: Kenny the Kangaroo

"Having a purpose in important, don't you think? I'm just glad I have these stories to tell you," Mike said. "Thanks for tuning in."

Kenny the Kangaroo had lots of friends. Mostly bears, but they didn't want to eat Kenny because he brought them joy. He would dance for them, sing for them, and even cook for them. That was until one day, one of the cubs got reckless and hungry and decided to eat Kenny. Kenny had a daughter, years later she went on to be a doctor. One day, a sick bear came into her office and confessed, "I ate a kangaroo when I was little, I didn't realize the pain it would ensue on my family, leaving them depressed... I ate our joy." The kangaroo-doctor prescribed medication and the bear went on to have his own offspring. When he told them stories, they would always end with, "Don't kill what brings you joy."

​

Chapter 14: Benny the Burrito

"A little dark, I know, but the deeper message is, don't kill at all, regardless of the effect that being has on you... Anyways."

Benny the Burrito sat in the freezer for two weeks before his owner pulled him out. Before that, he was in the back of a grocery delivery van for three hours. Before that, he was in a warehouse for three days. He had a lot of friends, other items knowing that their doom was getting close. Food lives for death... That's what brings them joy. For some reason, they were all a little anxious to find out what life was like after being digested and pooped out. Spending their dying days telling stories and reliving the days when they didn't know what food they'd be eaten with or what drinks they'd be digested with. Benny was quiet. He didn't have any parents but had tons of cousins who were born at a similar time than he was. Anyways, today was the day Benny would be introduced to the afterlife. He was eaten with celery sticks and a cup of milk. Now his brothers, by way of poop buddies, they got eaten and digested within twelve hours. In the afterlife, they were flushed to a nearby dump where they met other poop. All of them with similar stories but there was one in particular that had stayed in tact. It was made with corn and the corn was still whole. "I was just a burrito, now I'm poop," announced Benny.

​

Chapter 15: Chris the Chandelier

"Gross I know," Mike confessed. "This next ones should brighten things up."

Christopher the Chandelier was super fancy. Starting from one single diamond, she blossomed into a wonderful chandelier. Overseeing everything in the Smith's home. She was never ashamed to shine so bright. She even sparkled a bit in the moonlight. One day, one of the Smith's sons had a party and Chris got shattered by some drunk teens. How reckless... Didn't they know Chris was worth thousands? They hit her with bats until she was down to her last diamond. The diamond stayed in tact, the son threw out the drunks, and he used Christopher's last diamond to put into a ring. He used it to propose to his girlfriend six years later.

​

Chapter 16: Enrique the Lobster

Enrique the Lobster grew up near the shore of Los Angeles. He had many crab friends and some lobster friends that he's known since he was a little guy. Born and raised by his mother, his father left the nest but left him with many blessings. Most of which confused Enrique. "Why would this guy leave us before even meeting us?" "He did it because he loved you guys," the mother told Enrique and his siblings. "Oh well," he thought. "Now I get to live out my own journey." Hoping one day he would reach his father and make him proud for leaving the nest. The rest is still up for grabs. Enrique's out there somewhere searching for his dad but his dad didn't want his son to feel that pain. They communicated telepathically and his father said, "Find a nice female, get her pregnant, and you'll see where I'm coming from." Enrique did just that but still felt the need to be near his new family. "I love my little guys, I will never leave them." He taught the little guys games and just when he thought he couldn't take it anymore, he swam away. Leaving his family and now in search of a deeper meaning. Never realizing he left everything he needed. Pray for Enrique, he could use it.

​

Chapter 17: Henry the Giraffe

"I'd like to think he figured his was out of the mess he's in... Enrique will be fine, I promise... So will our next character," announced Mike the Monkey.

Henry grew up in what the middle of what the ecosystem called, 'the twilight zone'. In 'the twilight zone', giraffes got sacrificed in order for the other animals to feel something emotionally. There wasn't any hunting during this time so they needed some way to promote positivity and what better way then by killing off the beloved giraffes. The thing about it though was they never really died, they just went to Brazil to live in presumed Heaven. They started a religion there by promoting happiness among the little ones in Brazil. Henry got taken to Brazil and there he met the love of his life, Ezra. Ezra was born and raised here. A purebred just waiting for her giraffe in shining armor. When Henry arrived he still thought he was going to be killed but instead, it was the opposite. Henry had everything he ever needed- good food, good vibes, and a good female. If only the giraffes back home knew how good it was here.

​

Chapter 18: Chester the Trampoline

"Brazil kinda sounds like Heaven, wouldn't you say?" Mike asked. "Couple more to go."

Chester the trampoline was jumped on by kids from all over the neighborhood. He would never jump back because he knew what it would mean if he did. He would take his beatings, sometimes five to six kids at a time. One time he sported a net around his edges, protecting the kids from getting hurt. Because one day a kid got double-bounced and fell off. The owner limited it to three kids at a time after that. Through all seven of the years, Chester broke only two springs. One time a kid jumped on the springs, didn't get hurt, but that popped the spring out of place. He allowed all types of monkey business. Another time a kid who collected bouncy balls. They loved it. The balls were even happy. Giggling kids made Chester the happiest. Then, when the kids entered high school, Chester was dismantled and sold on eBay. The owner bought a new toy, Mike the Moped.

​

Chapter 19: Thank You for Tuning In

Now that all was said and done, Mike began living his life again. He reminisced on the days he would hang around with his buddies. Mike was a new monkey. With all the knowledge gained, Mike was ready to settle down and find a female. Her name was Heather. Heather was known for being a little promiscuous but Mike didn't mind. They tamed one another and could almost read each-other's minds. When Mike was happy, Heather was happy. But when Mike was sad and caught up in the past, Heather would be there, just happy enough to be in the presence of her favorite monkey, Mike.

"I don't regret anything, ever," announced Mike. "Without those nuts and that fall, I wouldn't know what such enlightenment meant." Mike was grateful fro everything, especially the words from his uncle. "Keep fighting the good fight, but..." Mike modified, "with a dash of love.

Now our final story from the author, himself.

​

Chapter 20: Lenny the Lamp

Lenny the Lamp was in a trance as he waited to be picked up from the store. He was staring at the inside of the box, hearing all the people in the store discuss their purchases, when a man picked him up. The man used him as a bookend until one day, his Grandson asked what the lamp was all about. My Grandpa didn't have a real use for the salt lamp anymore and Matt would use it to its full potential. It heard Matt's dreams and even his nightmares. I just turned off the salt lamp AKA Lenny and I know the gift from my Grandpa will be there when I lay down tonight. Grateful and thankful for family and friends.

submitted by /u/mal3xy [link] [comments] via Blogger https://ift.tt/2xWc78z

[flauntpage]

I’m Absolutely All In On #HarperLent

The Phillies are no doubt a better team than the one that collapsed down the stretch a season ago, but even after the J.T. Realmuto trade that brought one of the game’s best catchers to Philadelphia, I still feel a void that I can’t seem to shake. Every night, just as I close my eyes and prepare to go to my dream world, I find myself longing not of days gone by, but of days yet to come. Warm, sunny days. Ones when I adoringly watch Bryce Harper with amazement and wonder from the seats of Citizens Bank Park do that magic that he does.  In one hand a cell phone that captures his latest right field second-deck blast, in the other a gently melted Phillies mini-helmet ice cream sundae. That would be a great treat for me.

Those days seem so close, yet so far. For now, we continue to wait with unease and angst as the Harper (and Manny Machado, I guess) drama plays out. Indeed, it’s been a tough winter as we first endured the early agent/front office posturing that manifested in ambiguous thirst-tweets from baseball reporters like this one:

Given the opportunity to shoot down rumors they could go for both Harper and Machado, a Philly person did not do it. Everything’s on the table it seems. They clearly aim to win. #phillies

— Jon Heyman (@JonHeyman) November 6, 2018

What were initially welcomed tasty morsels of goodness turned bitter and stale by Christmas, but the recent lack of Phillies/Harper speculation has me now longing for a nibble of those agenda-driven crumbs. I didn’t know it then, but I need them for sustenance.

It’s been tough sitting back, just feeling absolutely helpless as I aggressively swipe my right thumb down on my cell phone, refreshing my Twitter feed in search of a Harper update to no avail. Yet I feel hopeful this morning. I needed something new. Something proactive. Something to believe in. As it turns out, I needed #HarperLent, the brainchild of 94WIP Evening Show producer/High Hopes Podcast co-host Jack Fritz. I’ll let him explain after the jump:

Pressure’s on. @Bharper3407 #HarperLent pic.twitter.com/sTTK86Mpaq

— Jack Fritz (@JackFritzWIP) February 8, 2019

Fritz is urging Phillies fans everywhere to give up something they enjoy, in his case beer, until Harper signs with the Phillies. I asked Fritz about where he came up with the idea:

I just always thought the idea of sacrificing something to get a guy was funny. I was just sitting on my couch and it hit me and (WIP Host/Producer) James Seltzer was all in. I also have been sending weather updates to Bryce Harper all week. So it was kind of an evolution from that.

It’s so stupid, so weird, and so desperate that it’s…perfect. I’m 100% in. It’s time to stop sitting on the sidelines. We need to take matters into our own hands here. Now, I’m not going to give up beer because that’s borderline psychotic shit, but I think I’ve got something. I know this is hard to believe considering my svelte yet chiseled build, but among the things I’ve ingested since Monday include:

A Wendy’s Frosty

A Chik-fil-A Milkshake

A Snickers Bar (x2)

At least 10 bite size Milky Way bars (there’s a fun bag in my desk at work)

A pack of Skittles

A pack of Swedish Fish

A pack of those circular caramels with the white icing. Love those things.

That’s not great and it looks even more repulsive when I write it out. True story: I ran 30 miles this week and put on one pound because I eat like a human dumpster. But not anymore–no candy, no sweets, no ice cream, and, perhaps, no more self-loathing and body image issues starting right now. #HarperLent

    The post I’m Absolutely All In On #HarperLent appeared first on Crossing Broad.

I’m Absolutely All In On #HarperLent published first on https://footballhighlightseurope.tumblr.com/

[flauntpage]

I’m Absolutely All In On #HarperLent

The Phillies are no doubt a better team than the one that collapsed down the stretch a season ago, but even after the J.T. Realmuto trade that brought one of the game’s best catchers to Philadelphia, I still feel a void that I can’t seem to shake. Every night, just as I close my eyes and prepare to go to my dream world, I find myself longing not of days gone by, but of days yet to come. Warm, sunny days. Ones when I adoringly watch Bryce Harper with amazement and wonder from the seats of Citizens Bank Park do that magic that he does.  In one hand a cell phone that captures his latest right field second-deck blast, in the other a gently melted Phillies mini-helmet ice cream sundae. That would be a great treat for me.

Those days seem so close, yet so far. For now, we continue to wait with unease and angst as the Harper (and Manny Machado, I guess) drama plays out. Indeed, it’s been a tough winter as we first endured the early agent/front office posturing that manifested in ambiguous thirst-tweets from baseball reporters like this one:

Given the opportunity to shoot down rumors they could go for both Harper and Machado, a Philly person did not do it. Everything’s on the table it seems. They clearly aim to win. #phillies

— Jon Heyman (@JonHeyman) November 6, 2018

What were initially welcomed tasty morsels of goodness turned bitter and stale by Christmas, but the recent lack of Phillies/Harper speculation has me now longing for a nibble of those agenda-driven crumbs. I didn’t know it then, but I need them for sustenance.

It’s been tough sitting back, just feeling absolutely helpless as I aggressively swipe my right thumb down on my cell phone, refreshing my Twitter feed in search of a Harper update to no avail. Yet I feel hopeful this morning. I needed something new. Something proactive. Something to believe in. As it turns out, I needed #HarperLent, the brainchild of 94WIP Evening Show producer/High Hopes Podcast co-host Jack Fritz. I’ll let him explain after the jump:

Pressure’s on. @Bharper3407 #HarperLent pic.twitter.com/sTTK86Mpaq

— Jack Fritz (@JackFritzWIP) February 8, 2019

Fritz is urging Phillies fans everywhere to give up something they enjoy, in his case beer, until Harper signs with the Phillies. I asked Fritz about where he came up with the idea:

I just always thought the idea of sacrificing something to get a guy was funny. I was just sitting on my couch and it hit me and (WIP Host/Producer) James Seltzer was all in. I also have been sending weather updates to Bryce Harper all week. So it was kind of an evolution from that.

It’s so stupid, so weird, and so desperate that it’s…perfect. I’m 100% in. It’s time to stop sitting on the sidelines. We need to take matters into our own hands here. Now, I’m not going to give up beer because that’s borderline psychotic shit, but I think I’ve got something. I know this is hard to believe considering my svelte yet chiseled build, but among the things I’ve ingested since Monday include:

A Wendy’s Frosty

A Chik-fil-A Milkshake

A Snickers Bar (x2)

At least 10 bite size Milky Way bars (there’s a fun bag in my desk at work)

A pack of Skittles

A pack of Swedish Fish

A pack of those circular caramels with the white icing. Love those things.

That’s not great and it looks even more repulsive when I write it out. True story: I ran 30 miles this week and put on one pound because I eat like a human dumpster. But not anymore–no candy, no sweets, no ice cream, and, perhaps, no more self-loathing and body image issues starting right now. #HarperLent

    The post I’m Absolutely All In On #HarperLent appeared first on Crossing Broad.

I’m Absolutely All In On #HarperLent published first on https://footballhighlightseurope.tumblr.com/