#marmite

[sophbun]

thats not the dark rider

[bringcal]

fuck you chibi dog with a blunt

[weirdly-specific-but-ok]

Pt I australia but i've never been there

A lot of my lovely maggots are Australian, it appears, judging by the number of Australian families I was just randomly adopted by. So this one goes out to you all, but very especially to Arthur (@howmanyholesinswisscheese) and to his grandmother's boyfriend Brian, who reminds him occasionally of me. I'm truly honoured.

Disclaimer: I did my research on tumblr, pinterest, and the first result of a couple of Google searches, because I'm thorough like that. I say part I because there is a lot.

I'm not sure what Australia is, because the education system failed me. They said it was a continent. But then a country. I figured it was both.

Unfortunately, then I learned about Oceania. Which I had thought was a made up undersea kingdom in that Barbie a Mermaid's Tale series, where people surf. But the continent is Australia and Oceania. Or not.

They have Prime Ministers. I know this, because one ate a raw onion which became instrumental in his later sacking, and another demanded to know what the odds were of a Prime Minister drowning.

He then drowned. Or maybe vanished into the Barbie kingdom of Oceania and became a merman. We will never know, because his body was never recovered, so my money's on the merman theory. Australians proceeded to name everything to do with water after him, from swimming pools to ships, because Irony.

H2O Just Add Water was set here, I think. I am not sure what that is, aside from a show where contact with liquid dihydrogen monoxide causes bodily transformation into a mermaid. Do the Australian mermaids not drink water? Not knowing any personally, I can't ask.

Aside from the concerning number of merpeople, there are also a concerning number of spiders. I love spiders, but apparently the ones in Australia will eat your flesh. After I watch Good Omens S2, I suspect I will welcome this fate.

For morons like me who see a spider and go AWW, Peppa Pig's episode on teaching kids not to be afraid of spiders was banned in Australia for endangering children and not being appropriate for Australian audiences.

Sydney is a place and it has an opera house. Melbourne is a place and it has a stadium (of what sport, I am unsure). Queensland is a place and it has Arthur's grandmum's boyfriend Brian.

There is a thing called Milo, and it is a brown powder that I assume is edible. Mums say to add a teaspoon (hence why I assumed edibility) and the children add a truckful. I infer it is nice.

There is marmite. I have known this for a while. Tourists spread a lot of it on their bread. This is a mistake. Do not. The original ad involved someone eating marmite happily, and their partner kissing them on the mouth and proceeding to gag violently. It is fermented beer waste. You either hate it or love it.

There is fairy bread. If you have sticks on it you are a monster. If you have balls on it you are smart.

I'm already writing part II. humans bewilder me.

[jeff-rees-jones]

That's the weekend shopping taken care of...

[morethansalad]

Lord Woolton Pie (Vegan-Friendly)

[bestthriftfinds]

[sailorsenshishitposter]

Liquid Snake x Reader

Warning for language but it's part of the copypasta. Also British stereotypes in case that offends you.

Liquid Snake

You have a thing for bad boys, are attracted to English accents or you just have a massive inferiority complex.

First Date:

You are a soldier working on Shadow Moses Island. Your partner has just taken Solid Snake to a locked cell after bring tortured by Ocelot, now leaving you and the blonde alone together. He turns your way and you try not to shit your pants Johnny style. He looks at you, then places a palm on your shoulder. "Oi mate, I think ell be outta it fo' a while. Care fo' a spot o' tea?" You're not really left with much of a choice so you follow your boss.

You eventually reach a cafeteria for the staff. Liquid dumps all the coffee out of the pot and begins to fill it with earl grey tea. "You hungry?" You shake your head. You couldn't possibly eat after seeing what the man had for himself on a tray. "Nothing like good ol' beans an marmite!" He then grabbed the pot and drank it all, scalding his throat. "That was bloody good, that it was!" Was your superior some kind of freak?

He then went on a long speech about french infants or something? You didn't really care and started to zone out. You didn't realize you had fallen asleep until you woke up to liquids final words. "And next thing I no, the bloke is ripping out me vocal cords. That's wot I get for workin' with a red head who got his fashion sense from a BDSM club." Just then you heard a noise. !

It was none other than Solid Snake, having made his escape. Liquid was furious. "BRUV, HOW DID YOU ESCAPE!" His twin walked closer. "That's not important. I just came by to tell you that you're wrong. You can't download UNO for Xbox." Liquid then felt his veins begin to twitch. "Everyone has UNO dipshit. It came fo' free with your fucking Xbox!" His twin then gave him a smirk. "I didn't get it, I have the oldest Xbox known to man."

"No you don't, I bought mine on day one you fucking tard."

.....

"Well, mine didn't have it." He was determined to prove Solid wrong. The two men soon ended up in a screaming match, various swears tossed back and forth. "I DON'T FUCKING HAVE UNO MOTHERFUCKER!"

"GO TO IT IN THE ARCADE AND YOU'LL BE ABLE TO DOWNLOAD IT FO' FREE, YOU DUMB WANKER! IT'S A FUCKING CARD GAME, THEY DON'T EVEN CHARGE PEOPLE FO' IT!"

"I DON'T HAVE TWO, I DON'T HAVE THREE, I DON'T HAVE FUCKING FOUR, I DON'T HAVE SEVEN, EIGHT, NINE, TEN, OR ELEVEN!"

"YOU DON'T KNOW A GODDAMN BLOODY THING, IT'S FUCKING UNO, IT'S FREE-" Suddenly Liquid stopped. He raised his hand to his chest and gave out a weak cough. He then toppled over, a result from the FOXDIE. "Damn. Never seen someone get so angry that they straight up had a heart attack. Colonel, the plan worked. I'm bringing Meryl back and then we're going to pound town. Just don't expect me to call her afterwards." You couldn't hear the other voice on the codec call but you had a hunch that it was something along the lines of "Wait, what?-"

Shit. Well now you were out of a job. You went to the lab and found a computer already logged in. It was time to start looking for shady jobs on Craigslist again.

[thydungeongal]

Marmite as a concept is fascinating to me. Someone just thought like well after brewing beer we end up with a lot of dead yeast at the bottom so how about we add some salt to it and eat it as a delicious treat

[xxmia0wxx]

Valentino is Terible lawl

[body-of-ouches]

Do you ever think British stereotypes aren’t true and then hit a few the major ones in one swoop and go “ah. Yeah I see where they’re coming from”

Anyway. Marmite’s fuckin four quid

[petermorwood]

So what exactly is marmite and mayo? I've never seen that combination before

It's Marmite and Mayonnaise (or even Salad Cream) on hot buttered thick-cut toast, sometimes with a splash of hot sauce.

YMMV on whether this is a good thing, a bad thing or a thing to run away from very fast.

I’m the only person I know who eats M&M on toast.

@dduane thinks it's weird, and is a wicked waste of mayo - especially when she’s had dibs on the last spoonful for, e.g., a tuna salad sandwich and suddenly that last spoonful is gone.

She also thinks both Marmite and Salad Cream are best avoided, the one because of excess salt and strange taste, the other because it's mayo gone horribly wrong.

It’s not. It’s Different.

Terry Pratchett mentioned Salad Cream as a footnote in "Thief of Time":

"If you live in a country where the [sandwich] tradition calls for mayonnaise, just don't ask. Just don't."

One good thing in its favour is that it’s not Miracle Whip. See Item 8 here.

[johannadc]

Li'l Mystrade Want Me to Try Marmite

The boys brought me a present from London.

It's a sample of Marmite. Hmmmm. I guess I have to try this, or I'd be rude.

I'm told it's best on buttered toast. Mycroft is running the controls (of course he is) while Greg readies the knife.

Am I sure about this?

Mycroft, hands on hips, insists I try his favorite breakfast, now that we've come this far. Greg's a little more easy-going, leaving it up to me.

I did try it. Salty and yeasty. Not too bad, but nothing I'm going to seek out again. I do like the idea of combining it with peanut butter, though.

(My thanks to @bookcasewraith who actually provided the Marmite.)

[weirdly-specific-but-ok]

OK somebody may have already said this but in regards to 10 on Pt one of your Australia thing We have  VEGEMITE! not marmite! Very different easy mistake but it must not happen again/j kind regards an Australian.

what's the difference between them i'm scared

[marauderswolf22]

i've just tried marmite for the first time and im not sure if i like it or not (im closer to liking it but im confused, and it tastes like bitter soy sauce with a bit of fischy undertone? i can't describe it)

[morethansalad]

Marmite Lotus Root (Vegan)

[max-e-doodle]