#martin’s always got a fuckin look on

[livingof-love]

Ready for another fun night featuring my babe and some live music. And good friends of course. Glad I found someone who not only puts the glimmer back in my eyes, but appreciates it even more himself 💞

Yinz have a groovy fuckin Thursday, okay?

[plentyoffandoms]

Main Masterlist ♡ Your Body Is a Wonderland Masterlist ♡ Drilla Moloney Masterlist

Just like all my other stories, this has not been proofread, but please enjoy.

Warnings: smut under the cut. P in v. Unprotected sex. Cum on face. Cum eating.

Gifs & photos do not belong to me.

Requested by @hooks-martin . Hope you like it.

WC: 815

#21. I wanna be the reason you slightly tilt your phone away from others when you read it.

'Come on, Sugar. I'll send you a pic if you send me one.' I bit my lip, contemplating if I should or not. I still have some issues with my body, even after being with Dan for a couple of months now.

He is constantly telling me how gorgeous I am. That he is happy I have some meat on my bones. "I like that you can take it." I feel my face heat up when he says that.

Which usually follows with him looking me up and down, biting his or licking his lips. Then it usually follows with him pushing me down on the nearest surface and fucking me until I can't walk straight.

'Okay.' I hit send before I could finish the text. I wanted to say I okay, but I will send it in a bit. As I am at work, I can not leave the meeting that I am about to walk into.

Just as I took my seat, I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket, and I had just enough time to look at it before the meeting started.

I muttered "fuck" under my breath at the photo he sent me. I will never get over the shock at the size of him.

"You okay?" My co-worker and friend Liz said as she took the seat next to me. I forgot where I was for a moment and dropped my phone on the desk, grabbing it quickly.

I cleared my throat, "Yeah, fine." I put my phone back in my pocket, trying to pay attention to the meeting instead of the photo of Dan, with his hand wrapped his cock, which I could clearly see he just finished jerking off, as his cum was on his stomach, and leaking down his hand and cock.

Just as I took my seat, I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket, and I had just enough time to look at it before the meeting started.

I muttered "fuck" under my breath at the photo he sent me. I will never get over the shock at the size of him.

"You okay?" My co-worker and friend Liz said as she took the seat next to me. I forgot where I was for a moment and dropped my phone on the desk, grabbing it quickly.

I cleared my throat, "Yeah, fine." I put my phone back in my pocket, trying to pay attention to the meeting instead of the photo of Dan, with his hand wrapped his cock, which I could clearly see he just finished jerking off, as his cum was on his stomach, and leaking down his hand and cock.

◆

"What the hell, Dan?" I asked him as I walked into my condo. He stays there when he is in town. "What did I do, darling?" He turned down the TV and looked up at me.

"The picture you sent. Someone almost saw."

He wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me towards him, and nuzzled his head against my stomach.

"So, let them be jealous."

"I could have got in shit Dan."

"Well, baby, what have I always said, I wanna be the reason you slightly tilt your phone away from others when you read it."

I slapped his back playfully. He laughed and looked up at me. "Let me make it up to you, baby."

"And how are you going to do that?"

"Ohh, you know what exactly I am going to do to you." He slapped my ass, making me giggle and my panties wet.

◆

"Fuckin' hell, I love the view." His hands seemed to tighten on my waist as I slowly moved my hips back and forth, my hands on his chest, digging my nails into his chest.

"That's it, baby. Mark me. I'll show off any mark you leave on me."

He sat up, nuzzling his face in my chest as he started to nip and bite me.

"So perfect. Made just for me, huh?" I love it when he talks to me like this. My pussy squeezed around his cock, making him grown and bury his face even deeper into my chest.

"Dan." I whined. He looked up at me from chest, his eye wide as he took me in.

"I got you, baby." He knew what I needed. He always does. He started to thrust up into me, making me grip his shoulders as he started to bounce me upon him. I am still amazed at his strength that he can move me around anywhich way.

Next thing I knew I was on my hands and knees and he was fucking into me from behind. His hands gripping my ass cheeks as he fucked me hard and fast.

Just the way I love it.

He angled his hips just so, and I was crying out his name as I came all over his cock. "Fuck." He cried out as he fucked me through my orgasm.

My legs felt like a jello as he flipped me onto my back and climbed atop my body and jerked his cock above me.

I held my mouth open and closed my eyes just as he came, I didn't move as his cum landed on my face and on my tongue.

I closed my mouth and swallowed what was in my mouth. I felt his finger glide over my face, scooping up the cum that was there. I opened my mouth and let him place his fingers there so I could suck them clean.

He did this until my face was somewhat clean.

"So you still mad about the photo?"

"I wasn't mad mad, just don't want anyone else to see that monster you have between your thighs." I teased.

Tag list: @lghockey @nicoleveno14 @legit9thlunaticwarrior @hooks-martin @wwenhlimagines @melissahausen @faerieofthenightcourt @tahiri-veyla @crowleysqueenofhell

[bright-and-burning]

thank you k @mecachrome i LOVE to yap and i love to see other ppl yapping!!! f1 tag game time!!!

Who is your favorite driver?: lando's grip on my brain should be studied in a lab tbh

Do you have other favorite drivers?: i am fond of many many drivers... oscar obviously is #2 to me. just the tiniest bit below lando, sorry oscar <3 and then there's a medium sized gap to anyone else but i am extremely fond of the williams guys. and i am studying alpine and aston martin like bugs. and i have a lot of blorbo-in-laws that i feel very fond of...

Who is your least favorite driver?: it depends on the day whether i even dislike anyone or not. today i feel neutral and up about everyone!! sometimes i distinctly do Not feel neutral... (usually during races)

Do you pull for drivers or do you like teams as well?: i am very driver oriented but obviously my like . internal ideas about drivers are heavily influenced by who their teammate is/what team they're on. and since i've been into f1 the driver lineups have. not changed. so in my head the teams n the driver pairings are pretty immutable (obviously that will Change djfldsakjfa)

If you like teams, what team do you pull for?: i am so deeply attached to the orange bitches 😔 i just watched the season 6 mclaren dts episode and when claire williams went “the likelihood of a team being able to turn around their performance to any kind of significant degree during a season? i can’t tell you how difficult it is. it’s pretty much unheard of” i just smiled SOOOO evil. sooooo evil. i believe in andrea stella's hot nerd vibes bless that man

How long have you been into F1?: since uhhhh approximately one week after qatar 2023. made this account right around cota 2023

What got you into F1?: twitter algorithm put some tweets about the shitshow that was qatar on my timeline (literally one of them was just. a little of names and like . blank threw up. blank was hospitalized. blank couldnt get off the ground.) and i was like:

(why is that picture SOOO large) and also i had been admiring the f1 web weaves for a while bc i would look at the 'web weave' tag and half of them would be f1 and i was like wow. these guys have a collective shit ton of daddy issues. fascinating... tbf!!! i have always been sports brain lol. just never quite rpf sports brained? so the stars aligned for this fr (recommended tweets, f1 web weaves, and me being unemployed, geographically isolated from all my friends, and severely depressed)

Do you enjoy Fanfic/RPF?: yes . i am constantly cooking . everyone here is soooo smart and cool and the writing is genuinely so incredible. and 8104 specifically has just like. a really dope bunch of ppl ive become friends with that i am constantly like. wow i cant believe these ppl want to talk to me!!! (k you are included in that <3)

How do you view new fans?: by looking in the mirror... djfladsj jk. i am a new fan! i am not a ""dts fan"" (have literally watched two episodes Ever and one of them was today) but none of it matters and i don't really find those kind of lines to be helpful. i have disagreed with ""dts fans"" and i have disagreed w ppl who started watching before i was born and i'd do it all again (this probably says more abt how opinionated i am than anything else)

If you could take over as team principal for any team, who would it be and why?: personally i am delusionally confident enough to believe i could run that bitch like the MARINES. at the very least i would not be running my mouth like toto lol. vibes wise idk if i could do it at Any Team (like. imagine mercedes being run by a punchy american woman. LMFAO. imagine FERRARI) (i'd say mclaren for papaya reasons but a) andrea stella i could never replace you and b) i think i would set zak brown's fuckin sports car on fire day 1.) but based on location only alpine!!

Are your friends and family into F1 as well?: uhhhh no. my dad went to exactly one motorsports event when he was like my age maybe a year or two younger and saw a really horrific deadly crash so that ended any family interest. my friends are mega sports ppl but they're into like. american popular sports. and running. i do have a tifosi coworker and a couple friends from high school who are into it but that's it

Are you open to talking to other fans/making friends?: yes!!!!! i am so horrifically extroverted i love to chat i love to make friends!!! i am in so many ppl's dms on the Daily just sayin shit to the point where im like maybe i should cool it. lol.

tagginggggg @monacotrophywife @freeuselandonorris @liamlawsonlesbian andddd @red-flagging if you want !!!! this was fun n i love hearing how ppl got into f1 bc i feel like i might've taken an odd route

[wispstalk]

the man himself... martin septim

First impression - did not give a fuck. got him to cloud ruler temple and then went skipping off to collect plants or whatever

Impression now - my #1 little projection dolly. you know what finally charmed me? he's always giving you books. like bro I am not going to read this, but thank you. (and there's a little insight into where Tanis's character came from)

Favorite moment - I'm probably starting to sound like a broken record about this but it's the line "If you came to me for help, you're more of a fool than you look." the HoK shows up and he immediately goes "fuckin idiot." hilarious

Idea for a story - well. i certainly had one

Unpopular opinion - gay. if we're going by the number of ao3 results for m/f vs m/m. Favorite headcanon - i have a tie and it's all backstory i invented. I think he was a real pain in the ass at the mages' guild. a little know-it-all savant who was constantly putting annoying questions to the guildmasters but talented enough to get away with it. the other one is, in a scene where he talks about his friends' failed attempts to insinuate themselves into other daedric cults, he mentions "Malacath's shrine wasn't worth thinking about." it's vague enough that one could interpret this as being something horrible and scary but the truth is that he and his friends tried to seem like hardened badasses in front of the various Orc worshippers and made asses of themselves. immediately clocked as nerds.

[bippot]

Jake Martin thought here

He ironically quotes Fast and the furious movies “We’re family” line specifically but he doesn’t know it’s from tht movie

Ex.

Kevin: Great race today Jake!

Jake: Couldn’t do it without you guys, my family

Amir: isn’t that from Fast and the furious?

Jake: Fast and who now?

Summary: Jake has never watched the Fast and Furious films, so why can he quote them?

Additional Tags: Racing, Workplace, Fluff. Established Relationship, Comedy, Inspired by The Fast and the Furious

The Crew, Jake Martin Masterlist - here

As the end of the current Nascar season came to a close, the guys at Bobby Spencer Racing were elated. Jake had come 4th at the Phoenix Raceway, the final track that would decide how well he was going to do overall. Even Kev would have to admit now that he and Catherine had stopped wasting the team's time by fighting with each other at every chance they got, they were making some serious progress.

"5th! We got a top 5!" Kevin exclaimed, completely flabbergasted that they'd done so well. A year ago making the top 10 was a fuckin' pipe dream, but 5?

Getting a top 5, well, it was a god damned miracle.

Jake, as he always did, paid very little attention to all the cheering as he got out of the car and was zeroed in to find Y/N. She was around her somewhere, he knew that. His eyes scanned everything in his surroundings before landing on the woman he couldn't seem to stop thinking about, and who he was bounding towards with his arms open wide.

"You were so good, speed racer," she cooed, being engulfed in his arms. "I told you that you were going to ace it?" she continued once he leaned back to examine her face. He nodded distractedly, unable to tear his eyes away from hers or even gather the brainpower needed to form words.

He still needed to do press and interviews, and tell Chuck that he did a great job at making the car run, and complain to Kevin that he really should turn the microphone off if he was planning to eat a hot dog during the race, and ask someone to get him a bottle of water because his mouth felt like sandpaper, and did this mean that he was officially off Catherine's shit list? and how did Jessie do in her race?

Tenderly, she gave him a kiss on the cheek - just on the cheek for now - but it still made his knees go wobbly and caused butterflies to erupt in his stomach like it always did whenever she was sweet to him. "Go celebrate with your team, Jakey," she instructed gently, pulling back just a bit and nudging him towards the crowd of his coworkers - who'd become accustomed to Jake practically ignoring them whenever Y/N was around - so he'd begin to walk to where he was needed.

Whatever she'd heard about Jake Martin: The Womaniser had been forgotten about the moment she had met him. He was a flirt, yes, because it's nice to tell people what's on your mind. If he thought someone was pretty or cool or badass, his brain wouldn't be fast enough to stop his mouth saying the words out loud. At some point during his life, he realised that it was easier just to let the words flow and decided that it was better if he let his lack of filter live as it was. For anyone else that could've been a damning choice.

But, because Jake has sunshine coming out of his ass - Jessie often said that he was too stupid to have a mean bone in his body or be duplicitous in any way - it presented itself as Jake complimenting almost everyone he came across. He was one of those boys who appreciates a fine body regardless of the make. An old lady with dyed pink hair? He was telling her about how young he thought it made her look. Any guy that had an ounce of muscle, he was asking about his gym routine. Jake would always love to see kids with cartoon characters on their clothes and would make sure the little one knew that Nascar driver Jake Martin thought they were cool. And, for a while, the majority of people he came across in his life were pretty women that wanted to surround themselves with a pro athlete. Jake was more than happy to indulge them - he's just a man, after all - and that was how the man whoring rumours began to spread.

Yes, he was man whoring but he wasn't a player by any means. He was looking for temporary fun with a woman who was also looking for temporary fun, although it left him feeling a little hollow and used sometimes. Then along came Y/N. Temporary fun wasn't enough for him when Y/N arrived in his life. Not anymore.

At the time of meeting, Y/N had a boyfriend that wasn't Jake. She was a journalist who was commissioned to create the book 'The Trials and Tribulations of Catherine Spencer Racing - A New Age' (Catherine came up with the name) and had been hanging around the crew to get the inside scoop. The crew had their own Trent Crimm - The Independent, on their hands and was thrilled to have someone around to publicise their deeds. Obviously, once Jake heard that Y/N was off the market, he kept his flirting to a minimum. Yeah, he was bummed that the really hot chick who was nice to him at work couldn't be his, but hey, what are you going to do? Steal her away? No, no way! He knew the devastation that cheating can have - hell, he'd never forgive his father for exactly that reason - and Y/N didn't deserve that, even as an implication.

Three or so weeks into the job, they broke up. Jake couldn't say he was disappointed with that development. He waited an appropriate time - well, he waited twenty whole days and had planned to wait a whole month but he got far too impulsive one day - and just went for it. Originally, she said no. It's not professional to fuck one of the subjects of your story prior to the book the publication. That's a conflict of interest. And would seriously interfere with the integrity of her position. Once the book came out, however, that was a completely different story.

All she did was leave him a copy of her book - that was so fresh off the printers it may as well have been still warm - with a note that read 'Still up for that date?' and that was, what they call, history.

"Go, babe, you should go do your job," Y/N urged, barely hiding the smile on her face that came whenever he acted this dopey.

With another push, Y/N did manage to get Jake away from her. Only a little bit. Probably about two feet. He regained his balance and moved back towards her, smiling so goofily as his palms came up to her cheeks and his thumbs swiped against her cheekbone before he was kissing her like there was no tomorrow. She went to say something else but was silenced by another kiss. Then another, And another. Her arms wrapped around his shoulders, and her fingers tangled in his hair, curling her fist at the crown of his head.

Finally, she pulled back to rest her forehead against his, looking straight into his eyes as she whispered playfully, "Go before you get me in trouble."

"See you as soon as I'm done?" he asked hopefully. They both knew what the answer was going to be.

"Why don't you find out?" she suggested mischievously, enjoying the way he pouted for a fraction of a second before placing a gentle peck on the tip of her nose. Her face crinkled up in amusement and a giggle escaped her lips. She watched as Jake turned on the spot and jogged away in search of his coworkers, his hands stuffed in his pockets, and looked over his shoulder to give his girlfriend a wink just as he was going to turn the corner.

He did, in fact, find out that he would see her after all of his duties had been done. Kevin remarked that Jake seemed very excited - he's just got a really good race position so that was understandable but this was more than usual post driving hype that Jake felt - and had to tug him away by the sleeve so he didn't make a fool of himself aad say something wildly inappropriate on camera.

This shit was tiring! Driving and talking and being all professional takes a lot of energy, and by the time the couple were by each other's sides again, Jake was starting to feel sleepy. He managed to stay awake for an hour or so as the crew went out for celebratory drinks, but they called it quits as soon as his head slumped on Y/N's shoulder.

"You wanna go to bed, pretty baby?" she whispered softly to just him as everyone else around the table was engaged in their own conversations, stroking the soft curls that rested on the top of his head. This earned her a hum from him. "Okay, let's just say goodbye to Beth and Kevin and everyone, yeah?"

Sluggishly, he gave her a nod and allowed her to take the lead as they said their farewells to everyone. No matter how many pats on the back or loud congratulations he got, there was barely any energy left so all he could muster was a weak "Aw, yeah. Thanks, dude" and a floppy wave which everyone acknowledged with an understanding chuckle before letting the pair leave.

"You okay, hot wheels?" Y/N murmured as she led him through the crowd of people towards the exit of the bar, occasionally acknowledging people who were praising Jake for him so he didn't seem rude.

"I'm so tired, baby," he slurred.

"Our room isn't that far away."

She wasn't lying. Within 5 minutes, they were in their hotel's lift and Jake was pressing his nose in the crook of Y/N's neck to muffle the sound of constant yawning, his palm moving lazily along her forearm in a desperate attempt to not to fall asleep standing up. His eyelids started to flutter and close every few seconds; a deep sigh escaped from his lips as his head sank further into Y/N's shoulder.

"Just a few more steps, sweetie. Just a few more minutes and we're there," she reassured him quietly, running a hand gently down his chest and then wrapping her arm around his waist to pull him upright. The lift doors opened at the third floor and Y/N was dragging her boyfriend to their room.

Soon, it was comfortably quiet as Y/N helped Jake undress, chuckling at how soft he looked when he pouted and lifted his arms for her to take off his shirt. He flopped onto the bed as soon as he was in his underwear and waited until she crawled underneath the sheets and snuggled in to him like a cat, wrapping an arm around his waist and pulling him flush against her as she nestled her chin on his shoulder to watch whatever movie was available on the hotel tv/

Just before he drifted off, he repeated what he'd heard on the tv. "I don't have friends. I've got family," Jake mimicked, going so far as putting on a terrible Vin Diesel type voice that made Y/N laugh. She tried to keep the sound of her amusement to a minimum but couldn't help the shaking of her body.

The entire night was spent with Y/N stroking his hair as she watched a few of the Fast and Furious movies - she had no idea which ones and if she'd watched them in the right order - and soothed him whenever the sounds of the loud car chases started to wake him up. At some point, he even started repeating a few of the lines from the movie that he heard whenever he toed the line between awake and asleep. Parts of the script were subconsciously in his brain now, whether he knew it or not. He referenced it all the time. And he wouldn't find out that fact for a while.

Catherine had allowed him a few weeks off because the season was over and Jake spent as much of time glued to Y/N as possible. She'd begun to start doing her work on a Google Doc so she could use her phone instead of a clunky laptop just so her lap would be free for him to rest his head on.

"My new article is about that new Vin Diesel movie, you wanna come to the premiere with me, Jakey?"

"Yeah, love to."

"Thought you might," she said, leaning over to press a quick kiss to the end of his nose. "Apparently, Mr Diesel's head is supposed to be even shiner in person."

"Which one is Vin Diesel again?" he asked curiously.

There was a bunch of stuff that he said that left her bewildered - whenever he said something so wildly stupid, she was always left lovingly shocked that this doofus was somehow still alive and independent and functioning - but this was probably the most bewildered she'd ever been. Not only because Vin Diesel is a hugely popular actor that has been prevalent in pop culture for over two whole decades, but because he was in a franchise related to cars and racing, and Jake was all about that shit.

The Disney Cars franchise. Herbie. Speed Racer. Talladega Nights. Any Hot Wheels related stuff. That Dreamworks movie about the snail that's basically just Cars but with an anthropomorphic snail instead of a vehicle. Gran Turismo. Baby Driver. And the racing scene in the first Charlie's Angels movie (although she was sceptical if he liked that movie for the cars or how incredibly hot Drew Barrymore and Lucy Lu are). Each of these had a special place in Jake's heart.

"The Fast and Furious guy."

"Never seen it."

"Bald guy? Deep voice. He's always saying shit like 'Family...' and 'I live my life a quarter-mile at a time'."

Y/N blinked. Yet, it did make sense: if he saw those movies, he probably would talk about them every chance he got. No part of his face indicated that he had any idea what she was talking about.

"He's Groot in those Marvel films."

"Oh shit, I love Groot! Hell yeah! I didn't know that was a real guy!"

The most unflattering snort to ever snort came out of Y/N's nose as she laughed, trying desperately to stop herself before Jake thought she was laughing at him. She was. Although, she didn't mean it in a patronising 'haha, look at him, he's so stupid' kind of way, she adored Jake for being a himbo. Her eyes got all soft as she looked into his green eyes. He was smiling and watching her intently. "What's funny?" he asked shyly with a blush, rubbing his eye with the back of his hand.

"You. I love you."

His cheeks grew pinker, and Y/N swore she'd never seen anything so cute before. Yeah, he was ripped and classically handsome, but whenever he was all shy and bashful - something that rarely happened since confidence radiated out of him like a beacon - he looked positively angelic.

A small smirk crept its way across his lips. "So..." he began tentatively, his tone low yet suggestive, "You love me because I'm funny and I don't know this celebrity man?" That smile widened as Y/N rolled her eyes playfully.

"Yep."

"Good. Cause I love you too. Mostly for your boobs, though. They're nice to look at." He gave her an impish grin as he reached for the empty bowl on the coffee table. "And when you go get me another bowl of popcorn? My legs don't work anymore."

"Lazy boy," she teased, ruffling his hair as she did exactly as he asked.

When it was eventually time for Jake to get back to work, all of his coworkers were gathered for a meeting so Catherine could begin yapping on about what new sponsors she was trying to reach out to in front of what she assumed would be a captivated audience of her subordinates.

Kevin was rolling his eyes whenever her back was turned to him. Beth could see a reflection of herself in the back of Catherine's laptop and was trying to get one unruly curl back in its place. Chuck was busy eating a whole leg of BBQ chicken like he was King Henry VIII despite the fact it was 9.30 in the morning. Amir was trying to look as if he was paying attention but there was a bee buzzing around his head and he was allergic to their stings. Jessie and Jake were sitting down at the table and were poking and kicking each other at every chance they got. Nearing the end of Catherine's speech, Jessie managed to wobble the table enough to send Jake's water bottle flying off the table and directly at his dick.

"Oh my god," he groaned, clutching at his crotch and letting his forehead drop to the table. Everyone but Catherine had watched the collision and were all trying not to burst out in laughter.

"You okay, Jake?" Catherine asked. He regained his composure for a second before she added, "Did you want to say something?"

"Did I... Yeah, uh, yes I did," he said, surprising himself with the words coming out of his mouth. "I, uh, I wanted to say that... that it doesn’t matter whether we win by an inch or a mile, winning is winning and a top 5 was definitely a win. Let's do that again. Doing that again would be good."

They all looked at him with a sense of confusion for a minute. He'd strung together a fair competent inspirational sentiment. Weird. That had never happened before.

"We're family, you know? If we've got a problem, we deal with it together and... yeah, that's all a driver needs really."

Then, the penny dropped. "He's just saying lines from Fast and Furious!" Amir exclaimed, pointing an accusing finger at Jake like a drama queen.

"Oh, I didn't know that."

A groan went across the room because, in their minds, of course he would watch a movie like that. They would've bet so much money on the fact that he liked that franchise because duh. Fucking duh!

"You're telling me that you've never seen this very popular series of films that is literally car porn? I don't believe you," Kevin argued, raising an eyebrow sceptically at Jake who shrugged.

"I've never seen them!"

More and more arguments were raised between everyone. Jake had unexpectedly started a shit storm of his coworkers raising their many grievances with each other, and he hadn't really meant to. It was Jessie's favourite day ever - she's a messy bitch who lives for drama.

He got home that day and watched slumped down on the sofa, yelling out to Y/N who was somewhere in their apartment, "Babe, we're going to watch all the Fast and Furious' tonight."

Who would've guessed but he fucking loved em'.

[ofpineapplesanddawns]

Vampire!Peter + Martin Whitly, Who Is The Real Monster, discussion prompted by rewatching Frankenstein because I am thinking many frankenstein thoughts always these days?

Absolutely hilarious that you sent me a prompt involving Frankenstein cause I was gonna rewatch a video tonight discussing the novel/Junji Ito manga version of it cause it's October and that means horror classics.

But I'll watch that later, I've got a one-shot to write.

On with the fic!

--

Peter shifted about on the couch, trying to make himself more comfortable without spilling his drink. Sure, he could put it on the table, but... nah. He just gave up and flopped on Martin's thighs and wiggled a bit.

"Really? All that for you just picking my lap, as usual?" Martin asked, though not sounding all that offended.

"Yep." Peter replied, loudly sipping from the silly straw in his cup. His attention was on the screen, watching as Victor Frankenstein moved about, talking about his creation, which was going to be brought to life shortly. "Hey, Martin, I've got a question."

"I'm sure you do."

"Why do people always call Frankenstein a doctor when the idiot never actually finished school?"

"What do you mean?"

"Like," Peter shifted to make himself more comfortable, "the book has it where he's still in college, basically. And this is a project he's working on in his fuckin' house, that he shares with other people!"

Martin chuckled, carding his fingers through Peter's hair. "Well, many medical professionals have done experiments at home."

"Not recreating a human body!"

"Not that you know of."

Peter turned up at him, giving him a stare. Martin laughed at this. "No, I'm not included. There would have never been a good time to have a reconstructed corpse in my busy home! Jessica would have found out the moment I brought in the first body part!"

"Or Malcolm would have."

This made Martin scoff. "Oh, possibly. I bring one girl home and suddenly I find myself in a cell for twenty years because my son was a little too curious."

Peter rolled his eyes and slurped his bloody mary that contained real blood. "Still though, why do people call him Dr. Frankenstein if he never even earned that title?"

"Well, I assume it's to separate him from Frankenstein the monster."

"I guess, but that's dumb."

"How so?" Martin asked, attention now on Peter rather than the movie where the monster's body is currently being brought to life. Peter had seen this scene enough times to not bother looking at the screen.

"It's... ya know, I mean. The monster is his own person, he's not Frankenstein! He learns to speak and read later in the novel through his communications with a family, before everything goes to shit cause, whoops, he can't have anythin' nice, no thanks to that bitch Victor. He even tells his creator that he is basically his Adam. Probably why people call him that when they talk about these two."

Martin shrugged. "I suppose so, he is a rather smart human-like being, even though the movies tend to not show that."

"Ehhh... I think Van Helsing did? Can't remember, it's been ages since I've sat down and watched that one sober." Peter finished off his drink, setting the cup aside to cross his arms. "But anyway, it's so weird that the movies kinda fuck up his character."

"The monster?"

"Yeah! He's smart, he's caring, but he is also angry, which they get right. I mean, I'd be fuckin' mad at my creator for bringin' me to life and then abandoning me. Oh wait, I have! Fuck my sire! Killed that bitch. Still, like, he's human, in his own right! No need to call him the monster."

"Ah, but does this play into the common question people have about him and his creator? Who is the monster and who is the man?" Martin asked, smiling. "I remember having a discussion about this once with Malcolm, he had been reading the book in school and it had him thinking about me."

Peter raised an eyebrow. "About you?"

"Well, at this point I was in my cell, so he knew that I was the Surgeon. But at the time, Malcolm had explained to me that he saw that how I presented myself to the world and the person hidden from it, the one that was dangerous, were like Frankenstein and the monster."

"Thought you'd be more Jekyll and Hyde."

"I thought so too, but he explained it as... oh..." He tapped his chin. "Ah, yes, he said that I presented myself as this brilliant scientist, who tried to keep up a normal life, and yet I hide from the world a creation made of horrible deeds through the pursuit of knowledge. And, like Victor Frankenstein, to deal with troubling thoughts. This 'creature' I created, the Surgeon, could pretend to be human, but was still a monster, even if he knew the right ways to be human, he just wasn't one due to who he was."

Martin then leaned back, smiling. "I think my boy was overthinking it, believing that I am both the man and the monster, as both of these characters are in their own right. It still sounded Jekyll and Hyde to me, but then again, Malcolm always did find ways to relate me to more conflicting philosophies and thoughts. What a clever boy."

Peter wasn't sure what to say to that, so decided to change the subject. "Did you know only one adaptation of Frankenstein actually brings up that the eight-foot tall man is hung like a fuckin' horse?"

"Only you would go from deep thoughts of humanity to thinking about someone's groin."

"It's Young Frankenstein, in case you're wonderin'." Peter grinned.

--

Personally, I have no idea who is the monster and who is the man, both are so very, very human and I think that's the point.

*jazz hands*

And yes, Peter is correct about that last fact. Also, apparently, the Universal movie is based on a play adaptation that changed so much of the original plot.

Just some fun facts right there.

[ozimagines]

Hello, if you are inclined to take some more weird ideas I had another one: that Martin Querns and Sean Murphy had worked together before (and were maybe more then co-workers??) but it ended badly, which is part of the reason that Murphy agreed to go to Oz and part of the reason for why they did not get along when Querns eventually shows up. But by the time that Querns takes over Oz at the end of the show they have made up again? Not sure if you wanted to do something with that?? Maybe McManus accidentally torpedo's dates? (or not so accidentally). Just some thoughts that I have had, if you wanted to do some thing with them by all means, I would love to see it. If not totally understandable. I hope today was less painful then yesterday. Thank you

FUCKIN WHAT?!?! Why is this the first I’m hearing of this pairing????? Well regardless, I’m on board. Like fully. Murpherns? Querny? Either way; OTP for the win!

Im gonna warn you I already have some ideas for this so it’s probs gonna be a multi parter.

Martin Querns and Sean Murphy in: Maybe I Will Part 1/?

Sean Murphy got the job at Attica easily. He’d graduated at the top of his class, so it wasn’t a shock.

He’d done his job. Didn’t complain. Team player. Everyone liked him.

Everyone except one.

The was one man who broke his balls worse than everyone else at work.

Martin Querns.

Every damn day there was something new with this guy. Plus he ignored protocol all the time. He justified it by saying it cuts down on violence.

Murphy was getting his morning cup of coffee. Two Splenda, splash of milk. Like always. If he was taking it at home he’d have added a finger of whiskey, but who could be picky with free coffee?

Where the hell was the Splenda?

“Looking for something?”

Sean, out of habit, rolled his eyes before he turned around.

Martin was standing there with two Splendas in his hand.

“Martinez was about to take them all for unit C. I snagged you a couple.”

“Thanks.” Sean responded, taking them from his hand, their fingers lingering a moment on each other’s. Sean looked away quickly. “Well?”

“Well what?”

“What is it today?” Murphy asked, deadpanned. “What’s the new way you’re gonna make my life hell?”

Querns just let out a deep chuckle.

“Well, if I took it easy on you here, people might suspect something.”

Murphy huffed. He knew that wasn’t the only reason. Querns was a born ball breaker.

He turned around to stir his coffee, not paying Querns any mind. No one at work suspected anything. At least not yet. It’d be inappropriate, sleeping with the boss. But fuck, it was Attica, a maximum security prison he spent most of his life in. Let him live a little.

“So no news today?”

“Well, actually,”

“Here it comes.” Murphy sighed and rubbed his temples. The coffee was NOT kicking in fast enough.

“Garbarino’s getting out of solitary today. We’re crowded in there and his was the least heinous of the infractions.”

“…Q*, he stabbed a guy in the eye with his own finger.”

“Exactly. No contraband and no violence against a correctional officer.” Querns smiled cheekily at Murphy’s defeated expression. “That said, he needs a babysitter.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Murphy downed the rest of his coffee and went to Unit A, where he was head officer. He felt a pat on his rear as he walked away.

“This fuckin guy.” Murphy mumbled under his breath.

It’s was an uneventful day. Two attempted shankings and one brawl. All broken up fairly quickly.

Querns was doing his rounds, as he ran Unit A. He stole glances at Sean at times. Sean stole them too.

There was something about that man. His confidence and no nonsense attitude. Turned him on if he was honest.

Sean didn’t speak about his sexuality. To be honest, he didn’t put a label on it. It just sort of was. It’s like ketchup on eggs; it’s not for everyone, but he likes it, so fuck off.

After work that day, he waited the appropriate time for others to go home, before changing out of his work clothes into his casual ones.

He walked outside to see Querns already sitting in the car. He honked, knowing the loud sound would make Murphy self conscious. He enjoyed embarrassing his lover. He was so easy to get a rise out of. 😂

“You’re gonna give us away one of these days. I can only use the carpool excuse so many times before people want in.”

“Hmm. That would be a problem. I wouldn’t be able to do this with others in the car.” He palmed Murphy’s crotch with a smile.

Querns have been attracted to the very serious Irishman since day one. That handsome potato face and beefy body. Damn. Called him his Irish Cream lover.

“Yeah yeah, Marty. Sure.” Murphy looked out the window wistfully before asking, without taking his eyes off the passing vista;

“How was your day?”

“Good. Until this cute coworker of mine disobeyed a direct order and let a known criminal be in his pod alone.”

“Cut down on violence, didn’t it?”

“I have taught you well. Who’d have thunk it?”

More silence.

“Well? You gonna tell me about your day or do I have to pry it out of you. Because I’m more than willing to do just that.”

“Fine. My boss broke my balls all day, but it was fine.”

“He cute?”

“Thinks he is.”

“Thinks?”

Murphy let out a small laugh and smiled tiredly.

“He’s not bad looking. Handsome, actually. Just pompous.”

“Sounds like that makes him cuter. You should ask him out.”

“Maybe I will.”

They drove in silence home, but they were holding hands over the stick shift.

That night was normal. They usually start dinner when they get home. Cooking it together. Tonight was take out night. Chinese.

Murphy watched Querns eat with chopsticks. He was never able to get the hang of it, but Martin made it look so easy.

“All in the wrist, Murph. All in the wrist.”

They got ready for bed separately, but slept together.

After a particularly passionate night, they laid next to each other, holding hands, Querns smoking a cigarette.

Tonight was normal though; brushed teeth and face washing. Then getting into their respective sides, a quick kiss good night, and then off to bed.

“‘Night, Murph.”

“‘Night, Q.”❤️

They continued like that for months. Cohabitating and causing each other angst the whole way.

It was good. Worked. For some reason, what they had complimented each other.

They were having ramen one night. They liked to do that. Get those thirty cent pack ramen that got them through school. Boil the kettle and make their bowls.

Querns always went big with the toppings. Scallions and enoki mushrooms and century eggs, and fish cakes and rice cakes, sesame oil and chili oil…

Murphy always made his with scallions and a fried egg. He wasn’t picky.

“Chili oil? Made it myself.”

“You ask every time, Q, I’m fine.”

Querns would always slurp the noodles loudly to get a reaction out of Sean, who always gave him what he was looking for.

They watched their shows together. At the moment, it was M*A*S*H. Murphy liked I Love Lucy, but every time he put it on, Querns would get more ideas on how to fuck with him.

It got to the point where whenever Querns gave him that mischievous look, Murphy would sigh and say something to the effect of “please, Lucy, not today. I’m so fuckin tired.”

Despite how much Martin got under his skin, Sean was happy to have him. He knew he was kind of a serious guy. It helped to have someone who reminded him to have fun every once in a while.

When they went shopping together, Sean almost never stoped laughing at Querns, who was the WORST impulsive shopper he’d ever met. Querns would justify all his purchases.

“Stop laughing, asshole. I don’t care if scent beads for the wash are superfluous, I gotta smell your stink ass all damn day, might as well get some reprieve”😤

When he was in a good mood, Querns would tease him back, joking that all his purchases were useless.

“Get onto me for buying a dragonfruit. Buying all this toilet paper. Like we’re building a fuckin bunker.”

It started at work one day, they were arguing about what to do about an inmate selling drugs. It was heated to say the least. Murphy finally got sick of his shit and tore him a new one, Querns smiling at him all the way.

“The fuck you smiling about?”

“You’re awfully sexy when you’re angry, potato boy.”

Murphy turned beet red and went to leave, when he heard;

“Drinks at The Golden Horse at seven tonight. Be there.”

And he showed. Despite his reservations, he actually went home, showered, put on a button up and slacks, and met the bastard there.

He’d been wearing a grey suit with a purple tie. Cut to his measurements. Damn… he had no right looking that hot.

Little did he know, Querns thought the same of Murphy’s rough, blue collar sex appeal.

They’d talked it over. Neither one mentioning whether or not they identify as gay. Just ordering drinks and talking.

Querns was drinking an appletini. Asked Murphy what he wanted.

“Irish coffee.” Was all he said, taking his spot next to Querns.

“Despite what you think of me,” Querns had said after a moment. “My sole purpose in life is not to break your balls. I take my job seriously but I’ve been doing it for a while and compromises must be made. Would you agree?”

Murphy nodded that he did.

“You gotta do what you gotta do. That’s fine. Just understand I gotta do the same.” He reasoned and Querns held up his drink to that.

“Seems fair to me.” He took a sip of his drink, a little drip on his plump lips. Murphy looked away, ever the gentleman. “Now, enough shop talk. Wanna tell me why you came?”

“Wanna tell me why you invited me?”

“Touche.”

Martin put a hand on Sean’s thigh, teasing the inner part with his fingers. Murphy didn’t shove it away, just sipped his coffee deadpanned.

“Gonna let me kiss those pretty lips or not?”

“Depends.”

“On?”

“Whether you’ve been drinking an appletini or not.” Sean replied, smirking into his drink. Martin reacted with mock hurt.

“You disapprove?”

“Of your jolly rancher kiddie drink? Just don’t want to feel like I’m kissing a thirteen year old girl.”

“Zing.” Was all Querns said before launching his lips onto Sean’s, who accepted it with delight.

He put his hands on Martin’s waist, biting softly at his lips.

They ended up tipsy in a taxi together, heading to Murphy’s place.

Sean could remember it like it was yesterday; stumbling through the door, tearing at each other’s clothes. Sean had tipped the cab driver extra for how lewd they were getting in the backseat.

“Who’s taking it in the ass?” Sean had asked bluntly, stripping off his tie and rolling up his sleeves.

“Ideally both of us, if my imagination of your stamina serves correctly.”

Hmm. Good answer.

That’s how they built their relationship. Occasionally, one of them took it up the ass, in bed or otherwise.🥲

They, of course, had their disagreements.

Their biggest blowup came a couple months later. They’d always disagreed about work, but they were always able to turn it off when they got home.

This time was different. It was different because someone had died.

Murphy was halfway through a bottle of Jack, listlessly switching channels. Martin was in the kitchen, silently drinking his gin.

Neither one of them said anything at first. Drove silently. Drank silently. Suddenly, Querns said, in a low, bitter tone.

“Don’t think I don’t know you blame me for this. For Erikson.”

Sean gritted his teeth but said nothing. He only sipped his whiskey. 🥃

Then, out of nowhere, he threw his glass at the wall and stood up.

“Turning a blind eye never hurt, huh? We have to make compromises? Have to give a little to get a little? Well, this wasn’t a little, Martin. Erikson wasn’t a little. Christ, kid was in his early twenties. Had everything ahead of him. Shanked because we didn’t check Leeland’s cell. Because you told us not to do a contraband check.” He took a deep breath but he was still shaking. All he was thinking about was that kid.

Querns thought for a moment, then said venomously;

“If you think it’s as simple as all that, then you’re really more naive than I thought.” He paused, shooting back the rest of his gin. “I’m not going to apologize for a 97% clean violence record. It was 43% when I arrived. I know what I do. I’m good at what I do. That’s what you fail to realize. This, while tragic, is part of the life we chose. I can’t hold your fuckin hand forever, Murph. Either you figure out how things are, or you pack up and get out-“

“Maybe I will!” Murphy spat back angrily, going to pack a bag and stay with his sister that night. If he had been looking, he’d have seen Querns’ bravado falter, even if only for a second.

He waited to get the rest of his stuff while Querns was out of the house.

Querns expected this. The famous Irish temper.

What he hadn’t expected was for Sean to be missing from work all week. He’s found out later that Sean requested a transfer. He only found out after it had been approved.

Only after Sean had left.

He drank alone when he found out. Didn’t know why it was bothering him so. Querns had lovers before. Lovers who left or he left. But this time felt different. It felt like a real loss.

Son of a bitch, he’d actually miss the whiny bastard.

Sean started at Oz a week later.

“Happy to have you, Sean. Em city is really shaping up. Think we have the future of prisons here.”

Sean nodded but he wasn’t listening. He was happy to be working with his old friend… that said… he’d miss Querns there every day. He’d miss the way Querns smirked right before giving bad news. And the way he strode through the halls so confidently.

It was a good year. Well, an okay year. They did what they had to do. But a year later is when shit really started going south.

McManus fired. Em City a shithole.

It wasn’t till Glynn sat him down and told him about the new hire that he knew he was really screwed.

“I’ve hired someone else to take over em city. You may know him from Attica.”

Fuck.

[m0ther-of-p3arl]

FINISHED SEASON 2 💪💪 WHAT THE HELL💪💪💪💪

Paranoid Jon is funny to me tbh. the supplementals are comedy gold sometimes...always shit like "Supplemental: I broke into Martin's house and found a strange rainbow flag .... I... investigated, Tim's house and he told me to get the fuck out... Both are EXTREMELY suspicious and are probably trying to kill me ....... oh and I found Sasha repeatedly stabbing a picture of me. at least i know i can trust her"

Jon got so paranoid he became less of a hater, so Tim had to pick up the slack ig because JESUS CHRIST he has no chill... Timothy Stoker Worlds #1 Jon Hater VS Martin K Blackwood Worlds #1 Jon Lover

as ALWAYS free my boy Martin ,,,, why is everyone so mean 2 him ,,, what did bro do. besides lie on his CV. only a little bit... just have a tea party w him man!!!!

The NotThem saying "It hurt Sasha." idc if its a classic horror movie mistake i'd scream shut up too.... fuckin ASSHOLE god i hope its gone forever and ever

Elias being an EVIL LITTLE RAT MAN. did not expect that ngl- i didnt think much abt Elias lmao. what the hell is he??? they kept saying some silly titles that i imagine are important for later but rn im just. "hey What The Fuck?"

Extended sounds of brutal pipe murder is possibly one of the funniest sentences ive ever seen though. im going to say that sooo much now. forever and ever. did NOT expect Jurgen Fucking Leitner to show up and did NOT expect Jurgen Fucking Leitner to be working with Gertrude and did NOT expect Jurgen Fucking Leitner to immediately get metal pipe'd to death. crazy shit

And I looked up the Jurgen Leitner rant as soon as I finished, like you recommended- and um. im GOING to memorize that one day mark my words. for now i'll be quoting paypal.com/IFuckingHateJurgenLeitner every chance i get

SORRY FOR RANTING IN YOUR INBOX AGAIN i just have Thoughts and too many of them .. .. this will very likely happen every season/major event im not gonna lie

AUGH I am so sorry its takEN ME SO LONG TO GET TO THIS ;; twas not my intention :///

i love love LOVE reading your thoughts augh!!!! extended sounds of brutal piper murder is a massive meme in the fandom along with jurgen leitner rant and.. dig..... you're learning the ways...

please continue to rant in my inbox its awesome

[youralternia-asks]

im very good at staying out of trouble! dont worry abt me dori (if i can call u that)

can you tell me a little bit about your boss? :] if thats okay

Dori, huh? Haven't heard that one in sweeps... Feel free, doll. As for my boss,

I guess technik'lly speakin' I got two of 'em. My pa, Dallas, who runs The Blades, n The Don. My old man is about as cool as cool can get, if ya ask me- and ya are. Drives around in a shiny Black 1962 Aston Martin DB4. Series 5. Before that he rode a Harley Sportster, he gave that one t' me! He gave me an Aston Marton just like his too, but me? I've always been more of a bike kinda guy. Me 'n Corpse are the only Blades that use 'em. But we're always riding beside dad so it looks pretty fuckin' sick.

...Now The Don...He's a.. decent man, all things considered. He could always be worse. But you know how the family- oh, well, hold on now- you wouldn't know, huh? you're not really from around Authorius is you're asking me about my bosses, are ya doll?

[joyful-soul-collector]

The Card Counter

Welcome to me reacting to Oscar Isaac Movies (and other movies if people like these/if I just feel like it). I know nothing about this movie except that Oscar is in it and that's all I need to know anyway, let's GO:

The only reason I know Martin Scorsese's name is because he did Goncharov

I know nothing about gambling so I'm sure this will make zero sense to me

"I like the routine, I like the regimen" He's autistic, I've decided

Interesting to see his hair so straight, I've only seen it curly before

... Sir what in the hell did you do to your hotel room

KITTY

The eyebrow raise man...

Ok so I'm 90% sure this man is traumatized somehow. Jail possibly but likely somethin else, like what he got arrested for? Whatever that is

Oh my god it's Cyclops

Oh my god it's the Green Goblin

Oscar Isaac always plays sleep-deprived little meow meows

Jesus this kid has had a Life

Ya know how you casually suggest kidnap, torture, and murder

I'd quite like if Will became a father figure to Cirk, that'd be sweet. Reluctant father trope

Mr. Tell sir, I distinctly remember you saying that doing whatever it was with La Linda was a BAD idea

Awww he wants to help the kid!! Loving reluctant father Will

Dude could be a fuckin magician why is he gambling

Oh he is not. okay. Like at all. Didn't think he was but still.

If I knew how to play any of these games this scene would probably be a lot more anxiety inducing

"do you do anything else?" of course he doesn't, cards are his special interest, OBVIOUSLY

Something something Will and his drinks. Probably worth analyzing if I find the movie worth rewatching

He writes with a fountain pen interesting. Means he writes a lot, probably every day, you have to to keep the pen from drying out

I like the way they shoot the scenes in this place, with the fish eye? V interesting

Also this is absolutely horrifying

Probably not autism but actually PTSD but hey, who says he can't have both

Love a bloody little meow meow who feels so guilty he goads people into beating him up

This movie's music score is good

Haha he's nervous, he's fidgeting with the napkin. Worried about the kid

"What could be so bad" how bout torture and murder?

Also I figured out why he puts sheets all over his room and takes down the art. It's so every room he stays in looks the same. Likes the uniformity, routine, regimen, PSTD, autism, etc etc

Will in this grey suit.... I'm sure someone's made some gifs of it and I need them all STAT

"you live like this?" Hey That's The Thing Will Said Earlier To You

Oh shit he just yelled

Ya know I would prefer if we didn't torture the kid that was abused his whole life

Only 20,000 in debt?

Okay why is he so obsessed with this kids mom the woman abandoned him

"how'd you get him to do that" I was very physically threatening and probably gave him flashbacks of his father

Ik the whole hair swept back thing is his Look but he looks so much prettier with a few hairs out of place

OH SHIT FUCK CYCLOPS IS GONNA KILL THE GREEN GOBLIN

Shiiiiit this is gonna throw Will off his game so hard

PFFT DUDE JUST WENT BACK TO HIS HOTEL ROOM

Oh noooo, the kid got killed... Poor Will, he tried so hard to help him

He didn't even untie his sheets to take them with him

Oh shit he's in Goblin's house

Off to torture time!

Glad they're not showing any of this I didn't really wanna see the actual torture

Oh his finger is NOT secured to his hand okay

Damn he's turning himself in. Fair enough.

V interesting movie for sure! Not sure it's one I'll rewatch so there probably won't be any further analysis posted but it's definitely a movie Oscar did well in and has a good story!

[swaggypsyduck]

Yall I’m new to stanning football. I came here straight from the world cup and I’m not gonna lie this shit is beating my ass. Is it always in the mud like this? I chose psg because that seems like the best option because they got messi, neymar, and mbappe who are literally the three players that caught my attention during the tournament! Yall I really thought this was going to be fun. 😭 What’s going on? Why does everything feel so confused and chaotic (not in a good energetic way, more like headless chicken running kind of way) but also weirdly sluggish and slow? Yall I don’t understandddddddd. It’s like the team has four different personalities all at once? It’s so… unpleasing to watch yall it was not like this during the world cup. 😭

I hope they get better. But I’ve been reading the psg girlies on tumble and … it seems like nobody has hope it’s going to get better? I mean surely it will? Right? I feel like everybody has given up on the season and I’m scared. 😭 I hope Kylian feels better soon. I was thinking maybe we can do trades with other teams but apparently business hours is already closed and will next open in the summer? The fuck? But we dont got anyone? And almost everyone is dropping like flies? What happens if the big guy on the fishnet gets a flue or just gets sick in general? We just dont get anyone?

Also the coach looks like he should be in a martin scorsese film with robert de niro and joe pesci. The fuck is he doing on the pitch tho?

We need to bounce back QUICK! We need positive vibes! Energy! We need God to be honest but I feel like I’ve spent all my credit with him praying for Messi to win the world cup. My account with God is all maxed out. Yall. I cant sleep until I figure this shit out. Somebody do something!

Do we have a secret weapon? Like what is the plan here? What is plan b? Oh my goddddd. This parasocial relationship is with these players really do beating my ass. I’m out here worried for them!

hi anon! wow this is a doozy. ill try to break down my response but idk if it'll do ur rant justice LOL

1) Welcome newcomer! as u may have seen in the world cup, if there's one thing someone should tell u before u enter the football world is that ABSOLUTELY NOTHING is guaranteed. you could have the strongest defense, the best goalie, gamemaster midfielders, and strikers w amazing finishes and you'll still lose to an underdog team who has better teamwork and chemistry. or just one player decides "uk what? imma earn my paycheck today" and demolishes the other team.

2) psg is a joke. ill tell u right now. lose any and all expectations. we clown on them bc even if they played shit before but at least they were winning. now they're playing shit and LOSING! and thats the problem we have. the 4 personalities at once thing is absolutely correct. you have 3 well seasoned forwards who are used to being the "it" strikers of their team. on top of that we have NO MIDFIELD AND A SHIT MANAGER WHO CANT GET A TACTIC OUT OF HIS ASS EVEN IF I SHOVED IT IN THERE MYSELF!!!... sorry i lost it a bit there lol.

3) as yes transfer window closing. see that's also Galtier and that fuckin toad incharge of players who DIDN'T MAKE A TRANSFER UNTIL LAST MINUTE AND LET CHELSEA FUCK THEM OVER. and sorry to burst ur bubble but there's a chance key players might leave/retire by that summer so lets hope they promise them to bring in an actual proper midfield by then.

4) So another thing to consider if one of the reasons u chose psg was for messi... i wouldnt. This isn't his club. this is his retirement club. ramos too actually. they've finished their careers. they actually have absolutely nothing to lose LOL. messi's heart will always be in barcelona. as in he literally knows nothing else except barça

5) injuries suck. but they are a part of the game. if u play any contact sport u know the feeling. even non-contcact sports there r still big injuries. everyone is hoping kylian gets better soon. he needs all the rest he can get 🤲🏼.

6) Our secret weapon? BHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! prayers i guess. nah im kidding. but there really isn't any secret weapon unless u count galtier deciding to pick up a tactic book? or leaving and getting replaced by pep or zidane. to use ur weapon analogy we have a dented shield that still works (defense) and a bunch of bullets (forwards) but no gun (midfield) to load them.

7) ik u were joking about that last part but the parasocial relationship?? do ur absolute best to minimize it. like as someone who's been watching the beautiful game since i was a kid its okay and fun to joke about it and worry/send love to ur faves but u have to remember: those are grown ass men getting payed hundreds of millions to kick a ball around while those in their cities that pay to watch them are in heating/housing crisis. so when we eat the rich ill be cutting them up w tears uk?

hope this helped LOL.

[plentyoffandoms]

dan moloney x female reader?? the reader wants to be the top during sex and it happens and the reader rides dan and it’s very kinky. dan learns he loves to have his woman on top 😏

What a View

Drilla Moloney x f/Reader (18+)

Main Masterlist ♡ Drilla Moloney Masterlist

Just like all my other stories, this has not been proofread, but please enjoy.

Warnings: smut under the cut. Protected & Unprotected sex. P in v. Oral ( f receiving) tittie sucking. Mention of oral (m receiving)

Gifs & photos do not belong to me. 1st gif @d-moloney

Requested by @hooks-martin Hope you like it.

WC: 827

I fought with my whole being not to cum as she got into her grove. Her hands, flat against my chest, her back arching, her head thrown back as a long, drawn-out moan of my fell from her lips as she rode me at her own pace.

I usually like to be the one in control and do all the work while she does whatever I want, but early today, as I was between her legs, my mouth and fingers, bringing her quickly to orgasm, she blurted out, "I want to be on top."

Which had me pausing mid lick, and pulling my face away from her pussy, with my chin drenched in her juices.

I looked at her face, wondering if she was joking around, but she didn't look away from me. "I will think about it, love." And went straight back to eating her out, already imagining her riding me.

Once I knew she was more than ready to take me, I pulled away and crawled up her body, kissing every inch of skin I could.

I slammed my mouth against hers, cupping her cheek, letting her taste herself upon my lips. Her whimper against my lips almost had me saying fuck her being on top, but she doesn't ask for much, and I wanted her to know that we can do whatever she so wished in the bedroom as we do with me.

I laid upon my back, pulling her atop of me. "Ride me baby."

I watched as I completely disappeared in her body. I have never felt so fuckin' deep in my life. Her pussh seemed tighter if that was even possible.

It was my turn to let a long, drawn-out moan fall from my lips as she rose slowly until the tip was the only part left inside of her, before she slammed back down on me.

My hands gripped her hips so hard, and I was sure to leave a mark. She did that over and over again until she started to ride me with everything she had.

My eyes were trained on where we were connected. My cock entering in and out of her body, her juices soaking my cock.

"Look at me, Dan." She demanded as she grinded her hips back and forth in my lap, my eyes fluttering as I tried to focus on her face.

She grabbed my hands from her waist, and placed them on her chest, wanted me to play with them. She always loved it when I played with her tits.

Her pussy tighten around my cock as I sat up and wrapped my lips around her nipple and sucked. I did the same with the other one.

Her moans sounded broken as I did that, as she continued to ride me. I was about to flip us over so I could pound her into the mattress when she pulled my head away from her chest and grabbed my hands, pushing me back flat against the mattress, my hands above my head.

"You are going to cum with me atop of you." She stated, before kissing me.

She pulled back, instructing me not to move or she would tie my hands up, which had me bucking my hips up at the thought.

"Maybe another time." She giggled, but I did as she asked.

I was so close. I needed her to cum. I knew she was holding herself back, wanting to enjoy this.

"Come on baby, I can feel that you want to cum. Be a good girl, for me and cum all over my cock. I know you want to."

"Don't want to stop." But her pussy fluttering around my cock told me other wise.

"I know my cock feels good deep inside that little pussy, but I need you to cum." I emphasised the word I.

I was so close, and I always made her finish before me, and I wasn't about to break that streak.

She bounced in my lap for a bit longer, before she stilled, her pussy fluttering around my cock, squeezing it so tight that it hurt a little as she came. She collapsed against my chest, tired and sweaty, and I fucked her through her orgasm.

I followed quickly behind, the two of us groaning at me filling her sweet pussy with cum.

I wrapped my arms around her waist, and held her against me as my cock softened inside her pussy. I kissed the top of her head, "What else do you want to do, love?"

She looked up at me, her chin on my chest, as she bit her lip. "Don't be shy now." I told her.

"I want to suck you off in a public place."

"Well, well, well. That can be arranged." Just the thought of her swallowing my cum as people could catch us, had my imagination going a mile a minute.

"Yeah, that can most certainly be arranged."

Tag list: @lghockey @nicoleveno14 @legit9thlunaticwarrior @hooks-martin @wwenhlimagines @melissahausen @faerieofthenightcourt @tahiri-veyla @crowleysqueenofhell @yukioni02

[randomvarious]

Andrew McLauchlan - "Love Story (Edit)" Turbo Sampler (Vol.2) 2000 Techno

Plays: N/A on Spotify // 49 on YouTube

Andrew McLauchlan is more or less a techno one-hit wonder, but boy, oh boy, does that one hit of his fuckin' *bang,* man. Originally from Scotland, McLauchlan moved to London to start a small techno label called Figment in '98, who then released a double 12-inch EP compilation the following year called Chorusline, on which the original version of “Love Story” appears. But that track then got picked up by the larger, Manchester-based Bush Records in 2000, and they ended up spawning a “re-edit” version of "Love Story," which became extremely popular among techno crowds at the time.

And that particular re-edit really has to be one of the greatest techno bangers of the early 2000s, if not all time. McLauchlan basically samples a bunch of bits and pieces off of a dusty Brazilian samba record from the early 70s and re-arranges them all to yield his own wild, modern dancefloor masterpiece, pairing those different sampled parts with four-on-the-floor kickdrums and a hand-clap that forms a backbeat.

But it sounds like it takes some time for all of those samples to really start getting deployed, because pretty early on, McLauchlan actually laces this remarkable techno-samba sweat-fest frolic with a wandering piano line that appears to be one of his very own making. And that unpredictable piano piece has a way of effectively leading us from outside the party venue to the right-smack-dab-middle of its revelrous dancefloor.

Now, you might notice a discrepancy here between the fact that this is a very popular techno tune, but that its YouTube play count is extremely low. That's because this exact edit, as it appears on Turbo Records' Turbo Sampler (Vol.2), is just a shortened version of the full-length re-edit by a couple minutes, and has nowhere near the same amount of plays as some other YouTube uploads of the song. It's actually funny that "Love Story" is even included on a Turbo sampler in the first place, because the label never actually released the song themselves. But within that same year, it was also included on label owner Tiga's Mixed Emotions double-disc mix, and maybe that release helped to raise "Love Story"'s profile in North America, since it was definitely one of the mix's best tracks. And maybe because of that mix, people just naturally associate "Love Story" with Turbo too, which is why it's on their sampler? I'm just guessing here 🤷‍♂️.

But also, be wary of the misinfo that's floating around about this mesmerizing dance bop. Places like WhoSampled credit the song's samples to a track by Zé Catimba and Brasil Ritmo called "Martin Cererê" (sometimes written as "Martim Cererê"), but the website actually supplies the wrong version of the song. This version here, by G.R.E.S. Imperatriz Leopoldinense, a samba school in Rio de Janeiro that Zé Catimba himself co-founded, is the far more likely culprit 👇:

Either way, the two sampled vocal parts that form this tune's "chorus" make for the best parts. They represent subtle, infectious changes to the beat that ultimately lend to this track slapping as hard as it does. Whenever McLauchlan pumps those vocal samples in, the frenetically clanging keys that provide the lead melody throughout most of the track—different from the ones from his own piano piece—drop out, and so does the thumpiness of the kickdrum (though not always). It's a pair of small changes, but they're really vital to making this song as terrific as it is. Each "chorus" generates a small amount of anticipation for the listener as they wait for that kick drum thump and piano to return each time. And by the way, that underlying piano riff might be a looped-up sample of McLauchlan's own as well, since it doesn't sound like it comes from "Martin Cererê" 🤔.

So, If you’re looking to throw some kind of wild dance party with some Latin or international flair, then look no further than this song to be part its soundtrack. It’s a truly timeless work of art that could still stand as the jewel of any techno mix released today. Andrew McLauchlan really captured some lightning in a bottle at the turn of the millennium with this piece of uptempo, samba-sampled dance music. What a goddamn tune this one is!

[renidyy]

A few of my TMA hair headcanons(SPOILERS FOR ALL SEASONS)

I’m an artist so naturally I’ve been thinking a lot about how I’ve visualized the characters throughout the seasons, & I’ve decided I’m just gonna compile my headcanons here for some of the characters’ hair. These are just the characters I’ve put thought into btw so plenty are missing

(Also apologies for any mischaracterization, I listened to TMA in very spread out intervals and am relying on what I remember interpreting the characters as and what few notes I took on them)

Gerry has curly hair. No one knows until it storms one day on the way to work and his freshly straightened hair is now drying into tight curls. Everyone bothers him about it all day, to his dismay(it’s his mother’s hair type, after all). He brings his straightener with him every time he and Gertrude travel. He forgot to pack it once and casually just traveled back home to get it. She hates that damn straightener.

Melanie uses her hair as a way to keep a little bit of control in her life, so it often reflects her feelings at the time. She cuts and dyes it herself, and through most of the early seasons it’s shoulder length with the occasional trim or touch up. She pulls a classic Mental Breakdown™️ and chops several inches off after she gets shot in India. Her hair goes through every color imaginable after that and is probably very fucked up from all of the hair dye & bleaching. Once she blinds herself and leaves the institue behind, she completely stops dyeing and cutting it. Not that she thinks she can’t take care of it herself, but she trusts Georgie to take care of it now. It looks healthy again by the end of the series.

Daisy has had the exact same somewhat well-kept haircut since she first got a job. Her hair has always been short. Always. After escaping the coffin with Jon, she lets it grow out. Not on purpose, though, she means to get it cut but she just never does.

Jon’s hair starts out quite short with only a few streaks of grey hair, and is more of a dark brown than anything. He starts forgetting to get it cut through the stress of season 2 and decides to just let it grow out so he could put it up in a bun and forget about it. It gets surprisingly long and always seems to be a little bit tangled(until he starts to brush his fingers through his hair out of stress, at least). By the end of the series, his hair has almost completely greyed. It goes from brown with streaks of grey to grey with streaks of brown. No one ever comments on it getting worse. Martin notices Jon’s hair getting worse before even Jon does, but never pries. He knows why it’s getting worse, anyway. He does bug him to cut his split ends in the later seasons, though.

Martin is one of the only ones to keep his hair decently taken care of throughout the entirety of the seasons, and it only started to grow out and get messy because he stopped going out to get it cut during season 4(for obvious reasons cough cough self isolation cough cough he hates interaction cough cough). He finally has Jon help him cut it when him and Jon go out to the cabin. It doesn’t seem to grow after that.

Tim takes care of his hair RELIGIOUSLY. The guy is a fuckin trooper. Even when he stops giving a shit about his crappy job, he still follows his hair care routine and goes to get it cut every couple months. His hair is physically incapable of looking bad. It just always looks absolutely amazing. Steve Harrington kinda vibes. He just has such good hair even when he starts to collect trauma like pokemon cards. He hardly even styles it, it’s just Like That when he uses the right products.

Elias doesn’t actually take care of his hair like Tim does, but he does style it everyday. Literally everyday. Even in jail(he uses water to style it in his stupid little Victorian-era waves). His hair is probably greasy as hell. He probably doesn’t care much about shampoo. The kinda guy to use a 4 in 1 shampoo coz he just doesn’t care enough about products as long as he can still wear his Evil Boss hairstyle. Probably only washes his hair when it starts to get absurdly greasy from him styling it everyday.

That’s all I have for now. I wish I had smth for Basira, sasha, & not!Sasha but I haven’t been able to decide on designs for them yet :/. Maybe I’ll add to this later

[brrambleberry]

Ghost has to attend mandatory therapy, and the receptionist is about as happy to be there as he is.

*In Ghost's opinion, this is an utter waste of time. Of all the horrors and monstrous things he had done in his enlistment, one disobedience was all it took for the higher ups to send him to talk about his feelings. As if they hadn't demanded that he terminate and bury them for nearly 20 years. The other option was prison, and they knew better than to stick him in a cement casket with abusers and scum. So the next best option was to shove him through double doors he had to turn slightly sideways to enter, and into a shitty little waiting room. He walks through the parallel rows of skeletal folding chairs and right up to the tall desk. He's not quite sure who he was expecting to greet him, but it sure wasn't her.*

*A young woman sits on a swivel chair. Her black hair is teased up into a 60's updo, bordering on a mess but it looks good on her. Long sharp nails, like gleaming red apples. A cheeky diamond is inlaid where a beauty mark might sit on her upper lip, and eyes with lashes like a fan neglect him for her computer screen. A name tag reads 'Nettie'.*

Ghost *is quiet, that partly how he got his bloody name, but he knows that she knows he is there. Women generally do, they have a sixth sense for when someone of his size and nature are prowling in the shadows nearby. He's not quite sure what to do in a situation where he needs to draw attention to his own presence.*

Ghost *clears his throat*

Nettie "Yeah I see you there mate, kinda fuckin' hard to miss. Just gimme a sec, I need to flick off this email..."

Ghost *says nothing. His jaw twitches and he shifts himself to keep the exit within sight. This was ridiculous, he couldn't remember the last time he experienced something as civilian as waiting for a pesty receptionist.*

Nettie *pops a bubble with the gum she's been idly chewing. Half-heartedly pushes herself away from the desk, and unfolds her legs to stand.* "Right, why are you here then?"

Ghost *knows that she's expecting details for the appointment, but today has been a drag. The only thing that could make it better was to make it another person's problem.* "I killed someone."

Nettie "This is a service for veterans love, you're not going to win any bingos here with that. Who are you here to see?"

Ghost *shrugs and hands her the referral, a strong desire to get this over with as soon as possible.*

Nettie *clips it from his hands quickly. Popping another bubble, she raises an immaculately groomed and arched brow.* "Dr Martin eh? You must have been a very naughty boy."

Ghost *had been idly watching her mouth as it worked the gum. It was driving him a bit mad, something about it was goading. Odd woman to pick for reception, someone as cheeky and infernal as her. His glare snaps back to her eyes at her last sentence. He narrowed them, who the fuck did she think she was talking too?*

Nettie *had already moved on. She moved back to the computer and tapped away. The printer in the corner whirled awake, and she returned with warm, crisp forms printed on the stark white paper clamped to a clipboard.* "Right, I need you to fill these out, shouldn't take more then two or five minutes. I'll find you pen, well, hopefully anyway. You lot always take 'em with you, and now it's a pain in the arse to find one that isn't drier than my nan's crack. Anyway, you can use this one. Please give it back once you're done love, cuz that's my favourite. If you don't, swear on my bleedin' Louboutin's I will hunt you down and pester you till I get it back."

Ghost *takes the clipboard shoved in his direction, remaining silent and quickly scratching through boxes with ticks and answers with monosyllables. This woman is fucking loony. He slides it onto the desk surface, and speaks up for the first time.* "Here, your preferred pen, safe and sound. No need to ransom the rest of my sanity for it."

Nettie *plucks her pen back up and twirls it with a sweet grin.* "Some girls' just wanna watch the world burn, Skelly." *She ends with a playful theatrical wink. It pulls an amused huff from his chest. A corny batman reference is more reassuring than anything he would have expected in this linoleum purgatory.*

[angrywrasslenerd]

The Angry Wrasslin’ Nerd’s Wrassleviews: Aftermath 2023

Aftermath is traditionally the biggest show on the SWA calendar, the big "season finale" where everything comes together. Tournament winners challenge champions,  blood feuds culminate, hatchets are buried, and new chapters begin, both for wrestlers and for the promotion itself. This is the most exciting time of year to be an SWA fan.

At least, that's the idea. If you've been an SWA fan as long as I have, you start to notice that sometimes, Aftermath fucking sucks. Sometimes the challengers are unexciting, the matches are unsatisfying, and everything just feels like it's in a holding pattern waiting for the fresh blood that typically comes between Aftermath and Emergence. So, where did 2023's show land us? Was this an exciting climax to the year? Or a mammoth-sized turd in the punch bowl? Let's get right to it.

Connor Cipris, Lina, Shannon Fulmar, and Regina Ibanez vs. Aaron Wolff, Valkyrie Jameson, Brianna Dalton, and Raven Briars

I've said my piece a number of times about these pointless low-card tag clusterfucks. They don't move anything forward, and they're just there to get names on the card and fill out matches. The scale for them usually goes from "ASS" to "Meh".

That said, for what this was, it was decent enough. Lina and Valkyrie, in particular, were highlights of the match, and Lina continues to show off her now-legendary toughness every chance she gets. This woman does not wrestle like someone who wants to still be walking in 5 years, let alone wrestling, and fuck me if it isn't entertaining as hell. Every feat of strength Valkyrie could pull off, every crushing lariat or devastating slam, Lina got right back up and asked for more.  This feud has legs, and managed to drag what would otherwise be another dull tag clusterfuck right up into decent territory. If only they would get time for a singles match on a PPV. I seriously don't get what SWA management's deal is regarding Lina the last few years. 44 really isn't that old, and when she's still going at a level like this, why the ass aren't they featuring her more?

The rest of the match was... well, it was fine I guess. Everyone looked good, and nothing stood out as bad. But I was always just waiting for Lina and Valkyrie to get back in the ring. The BHB team emerged victorious when Connor and Shannon both locked in their big submission finishers on Aaron Wolff at the same time (which looked fuckin' vicious by the way), and that was that.

The Nerd's Rating: Watchable/10

El Rey Dorado, Fabio Silva, and Javier Valiente vs. Chad Jackson, El Halcon Loco Jr., and Kara Stern

I don't think Javier Valiente really fits in Los Diablos. Sure, he's a bit of a prankster, but he just doesn't have the kind of inherent shitheadedness that the rest of the faction does. Any time he was in the ring, this was almost a normal wrestling match, with a few shenanigans and pranks here and there. Comparing it to what was going on when El Rey Dorado or Fabio motherFUCKING Silva (who was back to the ring earlier than I expected goddammit) was in the ring reminded me why I used to fuckin' hate these guys so much. Referee misdirections, double-teaming, bullshit on the outside, this match was a greatest hits of Los Diablos' most hatable crap, right down to a completely needless beatdown on Chad Jackson after they'd already won, a beatdown that I note Javier didn't participate in. Don't be surprised if he drifts away from the faction in the coming months.

The Nerd's Rating: Ugh/10

Armel St. Martin and Hanami Watanabe vs. Jake Adair and Lexi Heart

This one should've been a banger. Hanami Watanabe and Lexi Heart's dislike for each other isn't fading at all with time, and they were quite eager to beat the shit out of each other here. Meanwhile, Armel St. Martin seemed motivated to take down Jake Adair after losing to him in the World Open, and Jake actually pulled some rarely-seen anger out of Armel. Jake was quick to tag in when Hanami was in the ring, but just as quick to tag out whenever Armel came after him, and that frustration on Armel's part boiled over into some of the nastiest strikes we've ever seen him throw. Meanwhile, Lexi steadily got tired of Jake's shit because she wanted to be the one fighting Hanami. This led to blind tags and argument on that side of the ring, which Armel and Hanami took advantage of to secure the win.

Jake's bullshit really weighed this match down. He can be a great wrestler when he puts his working boots on, and he's spent years trying to live down his 2018 Inside Wrasslin' "Most Hated Man in Wrestling" award, so you'd think he wouldn't stoop to this shit. Maybe he's afraid of Armel's vengeance after that roll-up win over him in the World Open, but c'mon man it's Aftermath. Get your shit together.

The Nerd's Rating: Disappointing/10

Jim Tarler and Tess Tarler vs. Tommy Powers and Olivia Powers

I'm usually one of the first to complain about nostalgia acts getting big PPV spots, but to be honest, this was actually pretty good. The Powers' had their game faces on, and were dead-set on trying to isolate the 65-year-old Jim Tarler, but he was having none of it. Both sides made frequent tags, and both sides worked together well, with frequent double-team maneuvers and last-moment pin breakups.

The Tarlers really impressed me in this match. Jim fought like hell, and if it weren't for his appearance, you'd be forgiven for mistaking him for a younger man. Tess coordinated well with her grandfather, pulling off matched moves with him, or doing the old signature spots that he can't do anymore. Which is good, because I don't know about you, but I don't fuckin' need to see a 65 year old man doing diving elbows and probably breaking something in my wrestling. Anyway, the Tarlers finally gave the crowd something to really get loud about, and the double Blast Bomb finish was exactly what we needed after a mostly unimpressive undercard.

After the bout was over, Tess grabbed a house mic and teased that she might come back at some point in the future. As I understand it, she's still considering contracts from multiple organizations, and has a busy schedule of matches for a variety of promotions in the coming months. I'll be watching with interest to see where she lands.

The Nerd's Rating: Palate-Cleansing/10

Matt de Leon vs. Aguijon Tachibana

Sometimes, all you need is some motherfucking lucha libre. The Tarlers' match aside, this show had been pretty tepid up to this point, and what we really needed was something to up the pace and really get us to care. Leave it to these two guys to deliver exactly that. The first ten minutes or so of this match were just pure lucha, with lightning-fast hold exchanges, technical pin attempts, and a good dose of high-flying as well. Though I guess the rest of the match was also pure lucha in its own way, as they got steadily more pissed off and brought out the heavy striking. This may have been a mistake on Matt's part, as Aguijon is a more adept kicker than him, and was quick to show this fact off with some absolutely blistering examples. Matt held his own, though, and actually pissed Aguijon off enough with his own kicks that Aguijon went and got a chair. Referee Nadine Mathis tried to talk Aguijon down, until Matt solved the issue by dropkicking the chair into Aguijon's face, where it then flew out of the ring.

Overall, Aguijon fought well, and surprisingly clean, sneaky little fucker that he is, other than the chair. However, Matt's momentum was just undeniable, and after 19 minutes of non-stop action, Aguijon simply didn't have an answer for Matt's Phoenix Splash.

Some of the miserable fuckers that like to clog up my social media feed will probably say that this being my MotN is more a comment on the quality of the overall show than the match itself, but honestly this would've been a pretty great match on any card, and past this point, it was all pedal to the metal anyway. Congratulations to the new Aftermath Champion; with a performance like that, it's richly deserved.

The Nerd's Rating: Fucking Perfection/10

Gold-Blooded vs. The Divine Imperium

I think this is the match that we'll remember as when the cracks started to show for The Divine Imperium. Don't get me wrong, it's not like their act is getting any less funny. But tonight they came as close as they ever have to losing the tag-team championships. Gold-Blooded are just too tight a team to be going up against them without cohesion, something that, as I've mentioned, The Divine Imperium are seriously lacking.

This match ultimately came in kind of a weird place, squished between two absolute killer singles matches. It wasn't bad, and was certainly better than the tepid undercard, but it suffered for being sandwiched between two matches that were far better. Once it was clear that they were actually under serious threat, Akiko and Mizuki did what disciples of Samael do best: They resorted to being absolute monsters. Of course, Cerise and Leticia being members of Los Diablos, they're no strangers to a good old fashioned street fight themselves. You can imagine how things went from there.

I'd say a good half of this match took place outside of the ring, and even when it was inside, things were in full-bore anything goes mode. Tables were broken, chairs were smashed over heads, turnbuckle pads were removed, kendo sticks were produced from somewhere, and while I don't speak Portuguese or Japanese, I'm pretty sure that whatever Leticia was screaming at the top of her lungs violated some kind of broadcast standard somewhere. Referee Nadine Mathis visibly gave up trying to keep any of this under control, and was just content to count the final fall. After all was said and done, The Divine Imperium squeaked one out here, but they clearly underestimated their opponents' capacity for violence, and were on the back foot for a decent portion of the proceedings.

The Nerd's Rating: Violentastic/10

Mieko Suzuyama vs. Gabriela Espinosa

These two are a known quantity at this point, with a number of matches against each other over the last several years. Familiarity can be a double-edged sword for a matchup; while two opponents who know each other well can build up a series of counter-plays that make for exciting matches, a matchup can also just get stale over time because we've seen all this shit before.

Thankfully, this was a different set of circumstances than we've ever seen before for these two women. Since the last time they locked up, Gabriela became Joshi Champion for the first time in her career, and she was as motivated as I've ever seen to hold onto her gold at any cost. Mieko, meanwhile, has been three years away from the title at this point, and it was clear that every day away from the title scene had been eating her up. The match we got from that peculiar alchemy was pure asskickery, only narrowly edged out in my consideration for Match of the Night by the Aftermath Championship match. And sure, Gabriela pulling out all the stops meant a bunch of sketchy rollups, feet on the ropes, all that shit, but when the intensity is this high, and when Mieko absolutely was not having that shit for even a second, and rewarded every shenanigan with pain, I can't be too mad about it (even if the amount of cheating bullshit is a decent part of why I didn't make this my MotN).

When her bag of tricks ran out, though, that's when Gabriela really kicked things into gear and this match got serious. Vicious kicks and chops flew back and forth wtih abandon. Gabriela was jumping off of every surface she could to add momentum to her attacks. Mieko pulled out her old Miracle Third finisher for a near-fall. Both women locked each other in signature holds and I swear I thought it was over a bunch of times. Finishers were countered. By the time Mieko finally managed to nail the Final Hidden Miracle to lift the Joshi Championship for the third time, I was exhausted just from watching.

The Nerd's Rating: Damn near perfect/10

Kazuo Saji vs. Ultimo Cielo

I had really high expectations going into this match. Ultimo Cielo has been steadily growing on me over the last year, producing some really excellent title defenses. Meanwhile, Kazuo Saji has never looked so focused in SWA. Kazuo had an absolutely incredible goddamn World Open this year, putting in tons of match time, giving amazing performances, and of course getting his first ever singles victory over Armel St. Martin. Given Cielo calling that he would be the first SWA Openweight Champion to ever defeat the winner of the World Open way back in February, not to mention putting his mask on the line, there was a real unstoppable force meets immovable object feeling about this matchup that was tantalizing to say the least.

Ultimo Cielo made a promise on that SWA TV back in February, saying that he would come into Aftermath alone, without any backup. What he never promised us, though, was how the shows leading up to this were going to go. In preview tags over the past couple weeks, Murderer's Row made sure to spend as much time as they could isolating Kazuo Saji and working over his leg. I guess Cielo got spooked after seeing Saji completely fucking obliterating people with the Chrome Splitter during the World Open. It barely seemed to matter, though, because Kazuo wasn't interested in trying out the Splitter in this match - he didn't attempt it once. Maybe he was wary of how effective it would be after all the legwork, or maybe he wanted to prove that he didn't need it. Either way, he ended up using just about every other aspect of his game to take the fight to the champion in a match that would've easily been one of my top matches of the night were it not for one teensy problem.

See, at about 23 minutes into the match, Kazuo Saji countered his way out of Ultimo Cielo's Angel Killer spinning tombstone piledriver. That must have panicked Cielo, because that's when everything went to hell. From that point on, a match that had been cleanly fought and really exciting became shenanigan city. Cielo did everything he could to keep referee Toby Russell distracted (not that distracting Toby is hard) so he could go for low blows and dirty pin attempts. When that didn't work, he threw Kazuo straight into Toby so that nobody with authority to stop the match would see him blast Kazuo full on in the jaw with a set of brass knuckles. To Kazuo's credit, he kicked out AGAIN after the brass knuckles shot, and even started to mount a comeback but he was unable to do anything about the second Angel Killer.

A match like this is really fucking frustrating. A complete turd of a match that stinks out the joint is one thing, but a titanic fucking miscarriage of justice like this is an entire other sack of shit. To think Cielo was winning me over with great performances as recently as Crescendo. Fuck this ending and fuck Ultimo Cielo for ruining what could have been one of the greatest matches of the year with his horsefuckery. Was it really worth it, Cielo? Throwing away any credibility you had with the fans just so you could say you're the first champ to turn back the World Open winner at Aftermath?

Fuck.

The Nerd's Rating: FUCK. MY. LIFE/10