#maybe after awtwb comes out

[sailorblossoms-snowbaz]

In awtwb, we see Simon take his cues from Baz – he doesn't know how to be in a loving relationship (outside of friendship) and doesn't know how to express romantic love or sexual attraction.

We see Simon slowly learn from Baz, picking up what Baz puts down (making progress in bed when he switches his focus to "pleasing Baz") or identifying the things Baz does for or to him that he likes, and trying to do them for Baz. "I like the way Baz constantly checks on my well-being, you think that could be annoying, but it makes me so happy I wish I always had this..." after reading Baz being Simon's rock, the shoulder Simon leans on for a whole book... we see Simon doing the same thing for Baz in SFC. We see Simon start to use pet names for Baz after Baz has been using them with Simon since they got together, so we can infer that Simon likes when Baz calls him love and darling (and he would, since he insistence on being called Simon and not Snow comes from wanting to feel closer for Baz, since he was used to associating Snow with their distance)... but it doesn't end there. Or rather, it didn't start there...

On their very first meeting, Baz holds back while Simon can't resist the incredible pull he feels towards him. Much can be said about their meeting, about how much it says about the characters and the way they act about their feelings for the other, once they become aware of what those feelings actually are, but I don't want to get sidetracked here. Simon is someone who refuses to process (and so isn't used to analyzing himself or his feelings, or knowing what he wants outside of the very obvious – that being "I want a family, stability, to belong"), who needs something to guide his actions at all times... and so would be used to react to what he thinks other people are putting down. It's a survival instinct.

I think Simon has always been taking his cues from Baz.

When Simon first meets Baz, it's a moment characterized by an irresistible pull, an unbearable pain that can only be soothed by touching Baz. That's how loving Baz feels like for Simon. That's how attraction feels. It's painful to not be able to touch Baz (he will pick fights not just for his attention, but because is the only way he knows how to touch him... note how quickly Simon escalates in his touches in less than 24 hours once the truce begins). And Baz reaction to Simon in that first meeting? He's feeling the same things too, and yet, he restrains himself. While such control can awake certain admiration, his restraint in the face of such intense feelings can also feel like a rejection. Why else wait to hold Simon's hand? Maybe he just doesn't want to touch him at all, maybe he sees Simon as beneath him – which is something Simon could feel and internalize on a subconscious level, even before Baz starts acting in ways that Simon feels like it’s saying that more blatantly (which is part molded behavior and part of a wall – when Simon is like "Baz is the most arrogant person I know" I think Baz was very much exaggerating that shit around Simon, but that's another post)

This sets the tone for their future interactions. I'll never stop saying this because I'm not a bitch easily fooled by unreliable narrators with unprocessed homosexual thirst: Simon has always been following Baz around. It's just the intensity with which he follows him that varies. In one way or another, he always found him interesting and mysterious and enthralling... I also always say Simon is the obvious one between the two of them – he doesn't know, but his behavior betrays him (when Agatha and Penny both figure out in hindsight that Simon's behavior towards Baz has been gay behavior for years... it's them mostly looking back at Simon's behavior, they didn't know Baz like that back then). Baz is way better at hiding himself, and the defenses he employs are thorny. His walls have barbed wires at the top. When Baz looks unimpressed by Simon, but his behavior makes Simon think he's absolutely despised? Simon lashes out – Baz is a(n incredibly fit) creep only capable of making 2 or 3 expressions >:c (yeah, I picture Simon making that face, like he's pouting... because he is! Mr. "I know you're alive because I have been observing your soul" doesn't truly believe this shit). When Baz looks unimpressed by Simon, but his behavior makes Simon think Baz loves and wants him? A turn on, actually. Baz’s resting bitch face makes Simon want to climb him like a tree and suck his face. The difference is in what Simon is picking up from Baz (even if other things also come into play)... that has always been the case, I think. He's not free of impulses (he's full of them, actually) but a lot of his behavior centers on what he thinks (or assumes) (whenever he assumes we have problems) he's getting from Baz.

[cutestkilla]

An ask game for writers to procrastinate working on your WIP(s)

Thanks for tagging me @theearlgreymage @wellbelesbian @shrekgogurt @orange-peony @bookish-bogwitch @aristocratic-otter @youarenevertooold and @thewholelemon!

1. 🦈Tell us the name of your/ one of your WIP(s):

The only WIP I’m really actively working on right now is Hiding Out in the Open.

2. 🍄Describe your WIP/one of your WIP(s) in the format of “___ + ___ =___”

Psychology Podcast Hidden Brain + AU where Simon and Baz never got together but Simon still lost his magic and got spelled by Smith = Non-linear AWTWB-era Baz negging Simon with podcast links but actually secretly being sweet the whole time until they’re having real conversations and like, excavating some trauma until Simon figures himself out (or does he?) (He does, I’m not a monster.)

(I needed more terms for this equation, a few higher powers maybe.)

3. 🌍What tags or warnings will one of your WIP(s) need if you intend to share it?

Well, so far I’ve warned for anxiety/panic attacks, implied/referenced child abuse, mentions of cannibalism, mentions of eating bugs, AND mentions of animal cruelty. SOUNDS FUN RIGHT?

4. 🧭An alternative title to one of your WIP(s)?

So this fic is titled after a Feist song. The alternate title was a combination of a Ron Sexmith song that Feist did a great cover of and the name of the fictional podcast in my story:

Secret Heart, Invisible Mind

5. ⚠️Which WIP you're most likely to finish or update next?

Oh, it’ll be this one for sure! I have nothing else even approaching any kind of written state.

6. 💾What is your document of your WIP/ a WIP called? (not the stories actual title but what you’ve saved it as)

Well, it’s just titled after the fic. But before I had a title and was just dreaming things up, I had a doc titled “Hidden Brainstorms”. There’s also a doc in the folder for this titled “Enemies Closer” that’s filled with research I did for an episode I have to invent…

7. 🖍Post Any sentence(s) from your WIP.

“You stood him up? What the hell Basil? I cancelled my plans for this.”

8. ♻️A scrapped idea for your current WIP.

Okay so I am an idea hoarder, I rarely fully scrap an idea until I’m done writing a story, I just park them all in a dumping ground at the end of my doc for ongoing review. But one for sure scrapped idea I had for this back in the start was that Shep would co-host a podcast at some point in this story.

9. 🤔What’s a story you’d love to write but haven’t even started yet?

Welllllllll, I may have an entire (shared) Trello board for a fic that @artsyunderstudy and I have been excitedly talking about co-writing. I won't say much but it’s a Canonverse AU, featuring older strangers-to-lovers Snowbaz, and it’s a ghost story. Your basic SPOOKY SEXY SAD CATHARSIS type of deal.

10. 🤡How many WIPS are you actively working on?

Actively? One. Two if you count the Trello board which I periodically add ideas to. Three if you count the Wedding fic draft I have 20K written for and could start writing on again at ANY MOMENT.

11. 🛠Is there a scene or anything in the WIP you are struggling with right now?

Well, I’m about to be struggling with writing the scene where Baz listens to the podcast episode I have to completely invent. I have a full first rough pass at this chapter done, except that part where I just copy pasted a bunch of research notes to come back to…

12. ❤️Not a question, just a second Kudos to send.

🙏YOU get a kudos, and YOU get a kudos, and YOU get a kudos!

Tags in case you wanna: @artsyunderstudy @hushed-chorus @ivelovedhimthroughworse @you-remind-me-of-the-babe @fatalfangirl @facewithoutheart @skeedelvee @emeryhall @mooncello @monbons @angelsfalling16 @larkral @chen-chen-chen-again-chen @run-for-chamo-miles @brilla-brilla-estrellita @best--dress @onepintobean @martsonmars @messofthejess @ileadacharmedlife @urban-sith

[moefling]

Thoughts after reading Carry On. I will be rereading Wayward Son next (and AWTWB after). I'm making this list after finishing the book so some of these thoughts were in my head the entire reread and some are from annotations on my Kindle was I went. (Also this is my second read the first time I read it on audiobook)

I forgot that Simon was defiantly a troublemaker and pretty ruff and tumble even before he found out about The World of Mages

F*CK THE MAGE, but also he does have a good point about allowing other creatures and low power mages into Watford

Miss Possibelf is "not exactly human" (page 95)

Lucy was defiantly in an abusive relationship and she was still defending Davy after death. i also don't really think Davy loved her :/ at least not like she wanted

i don't think that Simon every really thought he had a future. like he kinda figured between the Humdrum and the old families we wouldn't live to have a future and before the World of Mages he was a kid in care who was always getting into trouble

its pretty sad that the Kids where very aware they were gonna have to fight to the death and they really didn't want it and none of the Adults were willing to comment on it (i think Matali makes a quick comment later in ATWB)

Simons wand didn't not work because it wasn't blood related to him

Fiona had a normal job lined up before Natasha died (pg 173)

i have a half baked idea that the reason Simon can share his magic with Baz is because he is a Vampire, like the Humdrum can "give" magic to creatures so Simon can too

i was figuring out the age gap between the two adult groups (Lucy vs Ebb) and had it narrowed down to basically the same age when Martin straight up said he was a few years older than them...

Lucy was in the cottage with Davy for around 2 years ish before she got pregnant

"It was just flirting, it's not like I tried to feed her to a chimera." (page 277)

Baz sucks his fangs when he's thinking (page 330)

"I can't believe you're asking me this, Snow. You, who can't walk away from half a sandwich." (page 429)

"I can't believe there's a part of your body that grows when you need it." (page 391) i'm pretty sure this was supposed to sound spicy but i laughed either way

when Baz tells Simon to run after the Humdrum comes to the Pitch estate i think i cried, reading it the second time i know Baz isn't really blaming Simon but i remember the first time i read it i though Baz really though Simon did it

"Maybe it's not a spell, Maybe he transformed" (pg 426) i think that this is saying more than we give it credit for - another half baked idea that Simon is like half imp/ demon/ elemental (i think we all like the dragon idea but i'm realizing CO really wonders about the tail and how it isn't a dragon tail)

when Simon kills the mage previously i though it was because the mage couldn't stop physically hurting Simon but i think it probably had more to do with the emotional damage (i'm sure some of it was physical but...)

when reading fanfic i also realized that CO doesn't actually say Lucy's brothers name (Jamie) or most of Baz's siblings names

[bookish-bogwitch]

Hi.

I haven’t really used this blog much for personal, non-fandom stuff, but thought I’d share an update. CW: mental health and depression.

This past winter I hit the rock bottom what was, in hindsight, a major depressive episode that I’d been experiencing for years. I had no energy, no ability to connect wanting to do something with actually doing it. I was crying all the time and hating myself.

I had a job that I’d once loved—public defense—but that after twelve years had taken its toll. The traumas had started outweighing the triumphs. Between that, and becoming a caretaker for a disabled family member, and random brain chemistry, I’d been on a mostly downward spiral since before the pandemic started.

If I came across as upbeat, it’s because fandom was the one place I could still tap into playfulness and joy. I’d crack myself up online while walking around with a flat affect. There’s nothing wrong with using a hobby to cheer yourself up, but it was such a sharp contrast.

And then there was the doomscrolling. It’s just bad for my brain. The pornbot boondoggle drove this home because I was spending hours a day on here and feeling proportionately crazed. (Note to past self: yes you’re very clever, here’s a pat on the head, but two days of pornbots would’ve been just as funny as twelve.) By the time it ended I was falling apart. Something had to give. I changed my Tumblr password to a random key smash and logged out.

But fandom isn’t bad for mental health just because social media is. I am doing so, so, so much better now, and I credit a lot of it to this fandom. Quitting public defense was scary because my whole identity was bound up in being a public defender--but now I know I’m also a writer. My closest friends had previously been my work friends, and I didn’t know if those relationships would survive if I left--but I knew my fandom friendships would.

Fandom also helped more directly too, by connecting me with friends who all but literally held my hand while I cried and looked for a therapist. Who shared their experiences of depression and recovery and antidepressants. Who cheered on my job hunt, which I couldn’t share with IRL friends until I was ready to give notice. You guys know who you are and I love you.

(Also, shoutout the CO trilogy itself and especially AWTWB for convincing me that it's okay to feel overwhelmed. It would be too much for anyone.)

Between quitting my old job and starting an antidepressant, it’s felt like flipping a switch. I have energy that I thought I'd just lost as part of the aging process. The new job is occasionally interesting, never dramatic, and completely harmless. It feels vaguely useful but never essential. It feels getting forklift certified after being at war. I love it.

Anyhoo. I’ve been putting off coming back on Tumblr. Even though I’ve had countless genuine, loving interactions on here, I really don’t know if I can have a healthy relationship with the hellsite. I’m writing again and want to share my stuff and cheer you on, but moderation is not my strength. Maybe I’ll try some WIP tagging to see if that feels possible to do occasionally and not obsessively.

Social media is the worst, but you are the best. I’m bbbogwitch on discord—reach out any time. Especially if you’re struggling with depression or helping-profession burnout or caretaker blues. You’re not alone.

[bazzybelle]

Get to know me (and you)

Thank you @windsweptinred for tagging me! I am sorry it took me so long to get to this.

1. 3 ships I really like right now: Ohhh this is always tough for me. I have so many ships at all times. Ok well if we're going by my current brain rot...

Dreamling: No one is surprised by this. They caught me by the throat and have not let go for the last year. It's so funny coming in as someone who was familiar with the comics before the Netflix adaptation, because they are not at all romantic. Like, I got no romantic vibes from them (and I'm someone who sees romance vibes in everything). The MOST romance I can see MAYYYYYBE (and this is a massive maybe because I only read this arc after the show aired and I was already getting into Dreamling) happens in The Wake (and I won't go into further details because those are massive spoilers). Why do I like Dreamling? They're just so feral for each other in fanon. Plus it helps that the actors on the show had incredible chemistry with each other (I would also consider HellDream and DreamMuse as other potentials because yeah he looked like he was about to make out with those two actresses).

SnowBaz: I still have so much love for SnowBaz. This was the pair that got me through a massive depression/writing slump. Seriously guys, read Wayward Son and Any Way The Wind Blows if you want an accurate representation about depression and intimacy problems and just finding yourself once that biggest event of your life is over. It's about learning to live after trauma and how to heal. Plus this was also the first CANON queer couple I read and helped me to become comfortable with my own queer identity. Yeah... I may move on and have other loves, but Simon and Baz will always hold an irreplaceable part of my heart.

Tie between Ineffable Husbands and BlackBonnet: These are two very new relationships and I just love them both so much. I don't know much about BlackBonnet, because I've only seen gifs of the second season and nothing more, but from what I've seen, omg I am so excited. As for Ineffable Husbands, they are SO interesting to me and I have been enjoying reading the Metas that have been coming out after the second season. It's so interesting to me, to connect this to SnowBaz, to see the reactions after the second season aired. It reminds me A LOT of the explosion that occurred after Wayward Son was released (an explosion that not only continued the closer we got to AWTWB being released, but also contributed to Rainbow Rowell leaving Twitter). I'm not going to get too deep into this (though @carryonsimoncarryonbaz has been trying to convince to write a meta comparing the two because MY GOD ARE THERE SO MANY CONNECTIONS).

2. First ever ship: Honestly? Sailor Mercury/That boyfriend she had... what was his name? Greg? I thought they were so flipping cute. Plus I liked that the nerdy girl had someone who thought she was cute. As the Nerdy Girl myself, it made me happy to see.

3. Last song:

Fegari - Natasa Theodoridou: One of my favourite Greek songs. I've been in a Greek music mood as of late, and this is a beautiful song. It's about a woman who prays to the moon to bring her husband back from his mistress, and to watch over him if she can't. She also asks the moon to take her from the Earth so that she may see her husband from above.

At least... that's what my husband tells me. Greek music is so morose you guys.

4. Last movie: I watched Barbie last week with my husband. We both loved it so much. It's such a great dark comedy.

5. Currently reading: Lots of fanfiction, but I recently bought a beautiful Jane Austen collection, as well as an illustrated collection of poems by Rumi, so I want to dive into those.

6. Currently watching: My husband on the couch. But in all seriousness, we're probably going to watch either Our Flag Means Death or Silo next.

7. Currently eating: Nothing, but I am craving some cereal.

8. Currently craving: xD Cereal.

Tags: @seiya-starsniper @mentallyinvernation @mallory-x @carryonsimoncarryonbaz @ninemagicks @amywaterwings @namistrella @signiorbenedickofpadua @tryan-a-bex @artsyunderstudy @yellobb @aroace-genderfluid-sheep @spockandthings @wellbelesbian @j-nipper-95 @zigzag-wanderer @fleabaggotme @arialerendeair @aristocratic-otter @messofthejess

[captain-aralias]

fanfic writer challenge!

@mostlymaudlin invented this challenge and was kind enough to tag me. it took my brain a few days to wake up enough to respond, but here i am.

instructions:

list & explain the three lines/moments from canon that are most fundamental to how you write your fave character

challenge 3 more fic writers to do the same!

ok - i'll do baz too, so we can compare.

first thing from me is i'm going to cheat, because i can't cover baz in 3 quotes. both he and simon change so much between carry on and WS/AWTWB that although they have a trajectory from one state to the other, and though i love people backreading AWTWB into CO!Baz.... i write them super different.

CO!Baz

1. And I'm hopelessly in love with him.

this comes at the end of a massive monologue - and then leads into another massive monologue. all about how baz is SAD but his love for simon is BEAUTIFUL and all consuming. it's so dramatic that he literally puts it on its own line, and then cuts to a new chapter. but it's also... resigned. nothing to do about it, just pine.

these are the chapters that i tend to listen to most often, as it's a long run of baz stuff, but i also do think it's pretty typical. (and i love him)

2. The World of Mages never had taxes before. Taxes were for Normals. We had Standards instead.

i thought about removing this a few times, it seems harsh - i only get three choices. but going to keep it in. baz has internalised a lot of shit, he uses learned hatred of others to protect himself against simon amongst other things. speaking of self-protection ...

3. 'You slept in my arms,' he says. / 'Fitfully.'

baz has got what he wants, but he's not able to believe it's happening so backslides immediately. it's a funny line, too - like he knows the audience will laugh with him, even if he doesn't mean simon to laugh. it's also (obliquely) the last thing i would say about CO-era!baz, which is that when faced with an opportunity to kiss simon awake or tell him he's interested in him..... he chooses not to do that. baz doesn't act, things happen to him - except on his crazed quest about his mother.

WS/AWTWB!Baz

1. i'll have the cheesecake factory scene, too - it does what rory says, and also tells us what (i believe) simon loves about him.

my favourite line is:

"I would never want to date you," he earnestly replies. "But it's not because you're mule-headed. That's practically my type."

ha ha. but also - it's true! and it's very kind of him to try.

2. 'I love you," I say. (And I know that's not a thing. I know it doesn't matter.)

so brave to come at all and track simon down! so brave to say it! it feels so unexpected to me and changes a lot of my baz characterisation from here on. now, i'm like: woah, baz can be the proactive character.

3. n.b. i spent a while thinking about what this would be. there are things that i think should be baz characterisation that i don't use enough (the playfighting at the ren faire; the fact he considers his culpability after america), and there's like.... the formal politeness. i've got kindness from WS, so we don't need the bit where he takes daphne home.

i think i'm going to go with ...

Is he scared? Embarrassed? Overwhelmed? Did he even want that to happen? He's never been with a guy, maybe he didn't like it. Maybe it wasn't what he was expecting. It's messier than being with a girl. (Isn't it?) (I don't know anything about being with girls.) (I don't know anything about being with guys.) (I know a lot about furtively bashing one out while my roommate is off fighting magickal crime, then hoping he doesn't wonder why I'm taking a shower in the middle of the afternoon.)

this is just a really fun passage in lots of ways. it has lots of short clauses, repetition, baz correcting himself. being funny, but it also has two new things. the first is that baz is like 'oh no, simon will have a freak out' and doesn't NOTICE that he himself is having a freak out, right now, a terrible spiral ... massive deflection onto simon. and using humour to deflect from own feelings too! (a personal favourite).

and the other is that.... before AWTWB, i enjoyed the shared headcanon that baz had researched himself into being a gay sex savant. what we find out from this paragraph is that he has literally not researched it at ALL, the same as he hasn't researched vampirism AT ALL. he's useless.... in this one very specific way, because he does know loads of other things. but there are things that he's afraid to look at too closely and it's this stupid fucking blind spot - and apparently sex is one of them. simon has to take the lead from now on, RIP to all future sexgod!baz fics. sexgod!simon only from now on.

tagging 2xthree people, since i did two batches: @artsyunderstudy @annabellelux @bookish-bogwitch @chen-chen-chen-again-chen @carryonvisinata @nightimedreamersworld as well as anyone who sees this post and wants to write about a character. please tag me in your post, i'd love to see it.

[vvivacious101]

Everything I Know About 'Snow for Christmas'

So, Scattered Showers comes out Nov 8 and the first thing I'm going to do when I can read it is read "Snow for Christmas".

I just finished my re-read for the Simon Snow trilogy and Simon and Baz have completely taken over my brain, I don't think I can manage to read anything that isn't them. If I knew things would be this bad I would have timed my re-read to end just before Nov 8 or maybe even a little bit after, just so my brain would give me a break. Because now all I want to do is read "Snow for Christmas".

So, I'm compiling this little list of everything I know about the story to help calm down my mania.

We know the story is 30 pages long because Rainbow Rowell actually posted the table of contents for this book on her Instagram.

Every short story in this book is introduced with an illustration and this is the one for Snow for Christmas.

And, lastly, we have the sneak peek Rainbow Rowell gave us of the story itself.

Then we have a tweet from Rainbow herself telling us this -

Wild Speculation below!

Ever since I read that tweet the illustration has started to make more and more sense because it's clear they are celebrating Christmas with Baz's family as that is clearly Swithin in the illustration so the others are Baz's sisters and his parents. But the thing I can't get over is that the last Christmas Simon spent with Baz's family was a very disastrous one following which they had to move from Hampshire because Simon ripped a hole in the magickal firmament right around their house. I mean it's brought up so many times in AWTWB that Baz clearly has no idea how his father would react if he brought Snow home considering what happened the last time he was there. But yet here we are, which means this is a big deal at least it feels that way.

Of course, there is the other side of the coin - they are aged up but the real question is how many years, exactly how far is this story set from the end of AWTWB which if you count the epilogue was itself set a year later.

Kill me but I'm expecting something very romantic. Now, I'm going to go back to counting down the days till I will have this read!

[you-remind-me-of-the-babe]

3, 28, 30 for ao3 asks!

Thank you for the asks from this list

3. What work are you most proud of (regardless of kudos/hits)?

I already answered this question here but I will think of another work I am proud of. I think Trapped is another piece I like, especially since it’s not Snowbaz. I liked the premise and thought the magic in it was fun. Also, I am not the best at dialogue and recently said I’d probably never write a texting fic for that reason but this is basically texting, just magically corresponding through a book, so hooray! I did it after all. I adore Penny and Shep in AWTWB, their chapters together are so funny, so I enjoyed playing with them. Also proud that I stuck with a story I knew from the get go wouldn’t be widely read because it’s not Snowbaz. 😜

28. Favorite work you wrote this year?

Probably Depth of Reason (which isn’t finished so maybe I am jumping the gun to say that) or Prickly Disposition. I love the premise of Depth of Reason and the added depths (ha!) brought in from analyzing this canon divergent magickal government/judicial system and the exploration of how you might still come to a different moral code even if the system you are operating in is broken.

I really like Prickly Disposition as well, just because I was pleasantly surprised that o could write a get together story in under 2k. Brevity is not my strong suit!

30. Biggest surprise while writing this year?

Probably that I am capable of collaborating on a fic, even though I had some easy collabs and some challenging ones. I wrote Plus One with @fatalfangirl and it was incredibly easy! Our ideas flowed really well, and I think the transitions between different POVs works nicely (they wrote the Simon ones and I wrote the Baz ones.) It’s a very tender and sweet fic and just makes you want to smash them together.

I also did a collab with @whatevertheweather writing Archery 101 and that fic was a struggle for me. (Which had nothing to do with working with Elly.) Elly wrote the first Baz POV and sent it to me to add a Simon POV and I had SUCH a hard time figuring out what his angle/voice would be. Elly started with thirsting Baz operating at an 11 and I just could not figure out how to bring Simon into the fold. I made like 3 attempts and kept having to message poor Elly like, “nope, ignore that addition, I can already see it doesn’t fit.” We eventually worked it out, but it humbled me after having such an easy go of collaborating earlier.

[artqueen02]

I posted 121 times in 2022

That's 121 more posts than 2021!

18 posts created (15%)

103 posts reblogged (85%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@dizzypiglinz

@aroaceconfessions

@ace-aussie-asshole

@litners-lending-library

@compassionatereminders

I tagged 42 of my posts in 2022

#carry on - 4 posts

#asexual - 3 posts

#snowbaz - 3 posts

#gay - 3 posts

#simon snow series - 3 posts

#awtwb - 2 posts

#long post - 2 posts

#(depending on how long it takes/the amount of notes this gets i might give a hint) - 2 posts

#ttp - 2 posts

#spotify wrapped - 2 posts

Longest Tag: 137 characters

#im hooked on the simon snow series although i’ve finished the books i wanna read snow for xmas but i can’t get scattered showers anywhere

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

OKAY OKAY OKAY OKAY I NEED A VER SPECIFIC SORT OF SNOWBAZ FIC RN: SECRET DATING (AT WATFORD NO NON MAGICAL AU OR ANYTHING) AND PENNY GETTING SUS AND BEING A DETECTIVE AND FINDING OUT OR LIKE THEM TELLING HER JUST BEFORE SHE FIGURES IT OUT HERSELF OR KIKE HER WALKING IN ON RHEM SNUGGLING OR KISSING OR JUST BEING LIKE CUTE LIL BOUFRIENDS OR SKMETHING UST PEN FINDING OUT SOMEHOW PREFERABLY ON AO3

(no smut please)

4 notes - Posted November 28, 2022

#4

I was suprised by the lack of genderbent snowbaz for the wlw coc prompt so I made a thing. I litterally wrote this in half an hour, and it hasnt been BETA'd or proofread so its really short thats fun.

Cw: brief mention of breasts but in like a very non-sexual way

also dysphoria ig?

It went sorta angsty i swear that was not intended

anyways under the cut

Read It On AO3

Baz

Crowley I hate this so much. 

My hair is too long. And I cant get comfortable with these infernal breasts. Aleister Crowley. 

Some fourth year was trying to help their friend with a transitioning spell and completely butcherd it and  now everyone on campus is cursed with being in the wrong body for a day. 

Though I suppose for some it would be the right body. For some it would be more of a blessing than a curse.

Not for me.

Snow is sitting next to me, raking his (Her? His.) fingers through my hair and trying to convince me that its all going to be okay. Aleister Fucking Crowley, Snow, of course its not going to be okay, this is an absolute disaster. 

What if it dosent go away after a day?

“Hey, Baz, love? This is all gonna work out, you know? The spell will wear off after a day - maybe two at the longest - and everything will be back to normal - no, not Normal just normal”

I don’t respond

“Love? We should probably get up and get dressed now, hey? We have to get to class”

Merlin and Morganna I dont have any clothes. I make no effort to move, there’s no way I’m going to class today. 

“Okay love, you can stay here, but I’m going to go to classes today, okay?”

He moves arround the room, getting ready for the day. Once hes ready to leave, he stops by my bed. 

“Is it alright if I kiss you?”

“Yeah” No

He kisses me, and its all wrong. Nothing’s the right shape, nothing fits. I pull away and hide under my quilts. (Because I’m pathetic) (Ask anyone).

“Alright, love. Im gonna head off now okay? I’ll check in on you between clasess, if you want to talk about anything, let me know, alright?”

4 notes - Posted December 6, 2022

#3

Okay so I’m listening to love and luck rn and I have come to the conclusion that Kane and Jason are literally Drew and Harrison from kaleidotrope just in a different lifetime

ALSO I NEED MORE GAY FICTIONAL PODCASTS LIKE THE TWO PRINCES, KALEIDOTROPE, AND LIVE AND LUCK A SAPPHIC ONE WOULD BE GOOD

6 notes - Posted September 11, 2022

#2

Just got my period and feeling extremely sapphic and In need of a gf to cuddle in the middle of the night

6 notes - Posted July 17, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Nico likes

Because

Isn’t his type

21 notes - Posted July 16, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[charleswatford]

.

[sailorblossoms-snowbaz]

Gosh, Simon did that very gay thing (perhaps even very acespec thing) where as a boy he didn’t feel shit toward girls and he choose who he was going to “like.” That kid thing where everyone around you is starting to think about boyfriends and girlfriends and having crushes or liking a boy or a girl in your class feels So Very Serious and you don’t want to be left out (or people around you won’t accept “I don’t like anybody” as answer, so you just come up with someone based on aesthetics or vibes or someone who has something you like, even if you don’t like like them) (perhaps a bit of projecting there, I’m aware)

I remember seeing a joke about “Simon dating the hottest people in school” or something and ngl I needed to log off right there – the comphet of it all completely kills the warm fuzzy feelings I could otherwise get from the hotness factor. But it got me thinking into how Simon’s head worked then…

I also remember a twitter thread where someone asked the author if Simon was ever in love with Agatha, or whether he only loved her as a friend, and she replied “I think it’s obvious he was never in love, his instincts toward her are never romantic” etc etc (she’s also consistently said Simon hasn’t experienced attraction before Baz – she said that when CO came out, and again after awtwb – he never has sexual thoughts or feelings toward Agatha, etc) but I brought up that thread because the author went on to say something like “Simon would love the idea of being in love with someone like Agatha, the security, the stability” and maybe even “the status of dating the prettiest girl in school”

Simon wasn’t into Agatha because she was pretty. But he wanted to. Simon wasn’t into Agatha… but he was into the idea of dating the prettiest girl in school. On a deep level, I think that scene where Simon shares that “I always wanted Agatha” moment (where it shows he didn’t truly want Agatha, he wanted to be like her) it’s saying a lot about his self-esteem and how he has always felt ugly and unwanted. I think when Simon “decided” he liked Agatha, when he “choose” Agatha as the girl he “wanted” as a girlfriend, he’s also showing something else: he doesn’t just want to fit in, he wants to be aspirational. When all the boys around him want girlfriends, he wants the prettiest one, not because he actually wants the girl, but because he’s supposed to want that. Because that’s what all the other boys want…. It must have been a boost then, when he started dating her, and the others boys would “envy” him – for him, being someone people wanted to be like would feel like the extreme opposite of being rejected and neglected. (It’s what Simon does when he sees Agatha: he wonders how it feels to be as pretty as her and finds it aspirational. He projects things into her beauty. And then wants to be “close” so he can too be “pretty” and “aspirational” by association)

It would make sense that someone like Simon, who doesn’t know how love and attraction feel like, would go about it in that way. That it would be one of the elements playing into him “falling into comphet.” And that would be part of Simon reframing his attraction to Baz as “jealousy” because heteronormativity says Baz, who is attractive and good at the things he does, who is smart and competent, “should be aspirational” for other boys, and certainly not someone another boy desires. It explains Simon focusing on an alleged competition between Baz and him “for the prettiest girl” (who can be the most “successful”) in not wanting Baz “to win” (neither could ever win inside of heteronormativity, certainly not Agatha either) (it’s also a safer line of thought than “Baz dating someone would hurt in ways I’m not equipped to handle”)

[sillyunicorn]

self recs: song edition🎵

post your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers thank you for the tags @mostlymaudlin @tea-brigade @takitalks @you-remind-me-of-the-babe @facewithoutheart and @martsonmars!!! <333

On the Run

The second fan song I ever wrote and maybe still the best lol. Inspired by wayward son ofc. I kind of want to re-record it now that I have better software, equipment, and skills, but who knows, cleaning it up might take away some of its charm. my favorite thing about this song is Simon and Baz's overlapping voices at the end. their words fit together but they still can't hear each other yet :sob:

Castle Island

I feel like I rec this song every time something like this comes up lol. inspired by Blister by @mostlymaudlin. I'm still really happy with both the actual song and the arrangement/production. I like playing it both just me and my guitar, and hearing it all fleshed out like it is on the recording. my favorite part is the high plinky part that plays over the whole song.

Dirt and Wind and Sky

Ditto on this one - still really happy with how this turned out. Inspired by fic and post by @tea-brigade and @jbrrring respectively. I did more vocal layers on this one than any other song I think. Lots of layers overall gave this song a texture I really like. My favorite part of this one is the high descending ahs at the end.

More than I Can Say

This is an andreil song, marta don't look! Inspired by I Wanna Get Better by @pipedream-darling. idk I just really like the whole vibe of this one. I could listen to it all day lol. I might have done that once actually. I know I'm done working on a song when I can listen to it over and over and I still like it. I think this was the second song I ever did without any actual instruments - just my vocals and a bunch of midi tracks.

Here in the Dark

My favorite way to listen to this one is through my car stereo at night. Highly recommend. If you weren't in your snowbaz feels before, you will be after that. This was another pretty early one so could probably also do with a re-recording, but i like it well enough as is. Inspired by awtwb.

This was fun! Thanks for reading/listening :)

I will tag some folks I tagged above, @jbrrring (art edition?) @pipedream-darling, and also @palimpsessed @fatalfangirl and @amywaterwings <3

[palimpsessed]

Please please please could you talk about this parallel internal monologue—what are your thoughts?

BAZ

I kiss him back, squarely. Firmly. Matter-of-factly. You’re all I want, I think. And you can have everything you need.”

“I’m not sure what he’s telling me with this kiss. I pretend it’s Yes and Yes and Be kind to me.”

SIMON

“Fine, you fucker. Have me. Just have me. Do your worst, you stubborn twat. Be the death of me. You’ll be the death of me.”

Oh ho ho, my dear Anon. Of course I will talk about this part!!! What a meaty passage to sink my teeth into.

To put things as simply as possible, the juxtaposition we see between these two sections is the perfect encapsulation of the different ways Simon and Baz express and receive love.

Let's start by taking a look at Baz's piece, as it does come first. (Read that sentence out of context, I dare ya.)

At this point in the book, Baz and Simon have just had one of the most critical relationship-building conversations thus far. Simon has set boundaries about magic being cast on his body that Baz has agreed to. They've talked about Lamb and America and settled that matter for good. Baz has managed to lasso Simon with own tail and proceeded to do some very interesting things to it. (I'm going to do my best not to get distracted by that, but, Anon, if you know anything about me, you'll know what an absolutely monumental struggle that is.) Simon has asked Baz to be less kind to him and Baz has delivered, as only Baz can, one of the most romantic lines in the entire trilogy: "I can touch you less gently, but I won't love you less kindly."

And that leads me neatly to my first point: Baz wants to be gentle and kind with Simon, because that's what he thinks Simon needs and deserves. Gentleness and kindness are what Baz wants from Simon. That's how he thinks love should be. They've both seen and done horrible things, and he believes their love should offer a solace from all of that.

(That offering of solace is a theme throughout AWTWB. Slightly off topic, we see their bed become more and more such a sanctuary—perhaps the only place where the troubles of the outside world cannot reach them. @theflyingpeach has shared some beautiful thoughts on the bed's symbolism—their own Eden/paradise and a place where they help one another lay aside the burdens that could otherwise separate them. I've remarked before that Baz's childhood bedroom serves as a kind of refuge for them in CO in the midst of some truly steep trauma, so it was really lovely to see this kind of idea brought forward and deepened and expanded on in AWTWB in this way.)

Baz wants to give Simon kindness, safety, gentleness—three things he's been sorely deprived of in his life. When Simon is beside himself because Baz makes him a sandwich the way he likes, Baz responds internally with: "As if I wouldn't make the world spin backwards if I thought he'd like it better that way." Baz would give Simon anything, would do anything to make him happy. Baz wants to be a kind, caring, thoughtful boyfriend to the love of his life—who he knows is struggling with trauma and self-worth. All the while, Baz himself is also struggling big time with trauma and self-worth. (It's almost like they match.) It feels pretty logical that someone in Baz's place would look at Simon's struggle and wish to be soft and gentle—especially basing this logic on how he feels. He asks Simon to be gentle with him their first time together. Maybe that's because it's Baz's first time. Maybe that's because he wants to feel fragile instead of being reminded that he's an indestructible vampire. Maybe that's because gentle is just what he wants. Maybe it's all of the above. In this case, the reason isn't really important, but the fact that it's what Baz needs is. If it's how Baz needs to receive love, then it follows it's how he would give love. (Rainbow tagged a post about AWTWB shortly before the book was released with the Beatles' lyric: "and in end, the love you take is equal to the love you make". I don’t think that was by chance.)

All this is to say that the conversation Simon and Baz have before the parallel passages in question reveals that Simon isn't comfortable receiving love in this same way. He doesn't want gentle and kind and soft because he doesn't know how to process feelings like that. I'm going to do something different and tag the @youhearbiggirls podcast whose July 29 episode talked about this in a really great way (at 26:20)—including discussion of a message from Rainbow's now-deleted Twitter account. I was so happy to hear that old tweet being talked about, because I thought it was really great and was sad it was lost when Rainbow deleted her account. And! Because they mentioned the date of the tweet and people and the search function on discord are awesome, I was able to locate a screenshot someone shared!

The takeaway here is that Simon isn't programmed to accept love and kindness from others. His brain and his body have been conditioned for violence and fight or flight by trauma. He doesn't know how to accept or process good feelings and sensations, because to him, those sensations actually feel bad. They're foreign, and therefore frightening to him. That's why he feels like he has to flee when he's being physical with Baz—or, rather, I think, when Baz is trying to be physical with him. This is what Simon is attempting to express when he tells Baz that he doesn't "like that feeling. That, like, feathery feeling. Like, touch me or don't—but don't, like, whisper on me." Simon takes a huge step forward when he's able to finally verbalize this to Baz—it also goes a long way to allowing them to be physically intimate.

Baz's half of the parallel passage addresses this directly: "I kiss him back, squarely. Firmly. Matter-of-factly." This is Baz consciously making an adjustment in how he treats Simon to better give him the kind of love that Simon needs, the kind of love he asked for. His thoughts here reinforce this. "You're all I want" he tells Simon in his head, and he means it.

He understands much more about Simon now. He's seen more of who Simon is. And he still loves him. Simon—all of Simon—is still the only person Baz wants. "And you can have everything you need", Baz promises Simon. He's going to give Simon the kind of love and affection that Simon has asked for. He's going to be firm. He's going to kiss him squarely on the mouth, not softly. He's going to be direct and he's not going to let himself be scared or timid or shy away. Simon needs boldness and bravery and unequivocation. Baz is up to the task, and this is his way of showing that to Simon.

And then…! "I'm not sure what he's telling me with this kiss. I pretend it's Yes and Yes and Be kind to me."—Be kind to me.—Baz has admitted that he's "more used to guessing what Simon is thinking—what he's feeling, what he wants." He's once more trying to fill in those gaps in his mind, except this time, he actually understands Simon. They've finally gotten to a place where Simon is speaking for himself and Baz doesn't have to guess. The kiss comes immediately after Simon asks Baz to be less kind, and Baz has refused on the basis that it is exactly the opposite of what Simon needs, even if Simon doesn't see it that way. While Baz is kissing Simon—firmly, squarely, not in a new way, but definitely in a way he hasn't for a while—Baz is hoping that Simon will feel differently. That he'll feel good enough and safe enough with Baz to not only accept kindness, but to ask for it. To understand and internalize his need for kindness, and then to be able to accept it from Baz. For Simon, accepting kindness is being vulnerable, and as much as he loves Baz, he's not yet at a place where he feels safe and settled. He convinced himself early on that there was no security in their relationship, and he doesn't yet trust any security in his life—it's not something he's had to count on. So for Simon to ask Baz with his kiss to "be kind" would be monumental—it would be him undoing a lifetime of programming for violence and giving himself fully into their relationship and their future together.

Of course, we know what Simon is really telling Baz with his kiss. Onward to part two!

"You're all I want," Baz says, trying to convince Simon not to be jealous of Lamb. "Fine, you fucker. Have me. Just have me" then serves as Simon's response. In fact, this whole section seems to be in conversation with Baz—but more so the reconciliation scene than their preceding conversation.

Let's take a little trip back to Chapter 16. "If we do this", Baz says then of getting back together—of Simon trying—"I want the full Simon Snow treatment…I want the locked jaw. The squinty eyes. The shoulders." (I mean, same, Baz.) "I want you to slay a dragon before you give up on me, do you understand?...I want you to try everything before you give up on us again." If we start here, then I think we can trace these threads through directly to what Simon is thinking when he kisses Baz.

Baz wants the full Simon Snow treatment? "Fine", Simon says, "Have me. Just have me." Baz wants him to fight and "try everything" before he gives up? "Do your worst" is Simon's answer. "I thought you'd go down fighting if you believed in something…" Baz says. So, Simon responds with: "Be the death of me. You'll be the death of me." The kiss in Chapter 32 then becomes a rebuttal of sorts. It's Simon's closing argument. He's opened himself up to Baz and told him what he needs. He's "Use[d his] words" and now he's using his mouth the way he's most comfortable—kissing Baz. Kissing him fiercely and telling him everything he's feeling with it. More than that, it's his way of showing Baz—not just telling him—that he's going to keep his word. He's going to try now, and this is him trying for Baz. This is him meeting every challenge, every demand that Baz issued, and slaying them like dragons. He's going to fight, he's going to give his all, he's going to risk everything to make his relationship with Baz work this time. Simon asking Baz for what he needs was a major victory in his ongoing battle with insecurity and I think he's feeling buoyed by that, a swell of confidence that comes through in the fierceness of his thoughts.

I'd like to spend a little more time with the last line: "Be the death of me. You'll be the death of me." Let's look at this in terms of what we know of Simon. He needs fierceness, passion, violence to feel comfortable.

Both Simon and Baz are all or nothing in the way they think about each other and the love they feel, but I think we're seeing something else with Simon's "Be the death of me. You'll be the death of me." The first time he tells Baz that he loves him, Baz is shocked. He truly doesn’t believe that Simon is in love with him, and when he questions it, Simon's reasoning is: "I've killed so many things for you." And when Simon is facing off with the goblin, he lets the goblin get close because "The Mage taught me that sometimes the best way to get under someone's guard is to let them close." If violence is what Simon knows and understands, if that's what's comfortable to him, then it makes sense these are the terms in which Simon views everything, including his relationship with Baz. From his earliest moments under the Mage's control, Simon learned to think of himself as expendable. He was the Chosen One, a weapon, a blade to be kept sharp. He internalized the idea that he wouldn't live through the war and the Humdrum—he said "I’ll fight until I can't anymore". He spends most of his childhood with the belief that the greatest thing he will ever do is die—fall in battle saving the world. His highest aspiration in life is to sacrifice himself for the people he loves. I think this is at the heart of what he's thinking during that kiss with Baz: the way he knows best to prove his love to Baz is to offer him his life—"Be the death of me. You'll be the death of me."

I don't think Simon’s moved passed this way of thinking about himself & the price he thinks he has to pay to prove his love. (Further underscoring this, Baz tells him to “slay a dragon” and Simon is—probably—a dragon...) But I think this is so much of who Simon is at his core, beyond the manipulation he suffered at the Mage's hands, that he'll always play the hero because it's inherent to his nature. He does put himself into harm's way & lies to Baz to protect him. The good part in all this is that living a life of peace with Baz will present far fewer chances for Simon to put his life on the line in order to prove himself, and finally, someday, he'll realize that he doesn't have anything to prove. Until then, he'll keep trying for Baz in the best way he knows how.

Thanks so much for this ask!

As ever, if anyone has thoughts to add or other questions to ask, please do send them along. 😘

[im-gettingby]

WIP Wednesday

Thank you to @aristocratic-otter and @bookish-bogwitch who tagged me this week and also lots of other weeks even though I have not participated in a WHILE.

Adding a bunch of snippets because…I have a lot to finish and motivation would be 💯

From Ch 3 of If I Could Turn Back Time:

“Absolutely useless without your fists,” a haughty voice crows. “Tell me, are you going to take out the Insidious Humdrum with a well-placed punch? I doubt he’s corporeal.”

As for young Baz…I could stake him right now. I meet my Baz’s panicked eyes and try to communicate, cast something! This is not the kind of thing we were trained for. Our students are respectful! They don’t try to off one another because of an assignment about, ironically, conflict resolution.

“Give peace a chance!” Baz casts, and I recall it from the times Ebb had to spell us apart. Both Baz and Simon fall backwards, repelling each other like magnets.

From Ch 4 of Summer Haze:

Manju doesn’t reply for a few seconds. “Ah. Well, Simon…” She pauses for a moment, then clears her throat. “I hope you and your friend used prophylactics. I mean, protection. Condoms,” she adds, awkwardly.

I cough. My face is burning. Kidnapped by vampires, engaging in casual sex—Manju isn’t too far off the mark, honestly.

“I’m not sure if anyone has spoken to you about that,” she adds. “If you want to talk to someone, I mean...I can find someone. Or a book. I’ll go to the library and find a book,” she says, with slightly more resolve.

“That’s okay!” I cringe. “I’ve gotten that talk. Don’t worry.” From Dr. Wellbelove, in fact. There’s nothing more awful than getting the Talk from your girlfriend’s dad. Well, I can do you one better—nothing more awful than getting the Talk right after he’s examined your bollocks and made you cough twice.

From a stoner au inspired by @mostlymaudlin and starwarned that will probably end up being my Erotic Grope Fest submission unless I come up with something I like more:

That’s how, around ten, I’m already dozing off. I excuse myself before I can do something truly mortifying like falling asleep on Simon’s shoulder. (I’d probably drool; I have an embarrassing overbite. And this is not the way I want to introduce Simon’s body to my saliva.) (I’m disturbed, I know.)

From a deleted draft of my Anon Fest fic, which I think I’ll probably publish on its own eventually:

I shove my whole weight onto my hands, expecting him to resist, but he doesn’t. Instead he lifts his neck so that our faces are close together. “Do it, Snow. What you came here to do.”

Kill him, he means.

He’s mocking me. He knows that I can’t. Somehow, he knows it’s not part of the plan…

“Not. Yet,” I spit back.

“Really? Wouldn’t have expected you of all people to play with your food,” he growls. “Golden boy enjoys a bit of torture, then?”

A snippet from a very disjointed post-AWTWB situation that is basically five fics, none of which are long enough to post alone, smacked together:

“I already told you! You know, Snow, maybe you’d feel better if you revealed some of your secrets.”

“You know my secrets,” I say, earnestly, desperately, because I want him to. I want him to cut me open and map out my insides. I want him to hold my beating heart in his hand, to run his tongue along the veins, and to memorize me by touch and taste.

He smirks, and then he says the magic word (not literally, but as good as). “Please.”

And lastly, a WIP I started TODAY bc @skeedelvee is a genius and their fics live in my brain always but especially Sextuplets:

“There you are!”

I groan against Simon 4’s lips and sigh. I turn around, and Simon 2 is standing in the doorway. At least he has the sense to look a little embarrassed.

“What?” I ask. I glance at Simon 4, who is vibrating with the effort of not blowing up at Simon 2. (They all agreed to a truce after fifteen minutes of screaming, which has been tenuous at best. Simon Snow is jealous—who would have guessed?) (I’d be lying if I said I didn’t enjoy it.)

“I was thinking we could go get ice cream while it’s still light out?” Simon 2 says. They all have slightly different personalities. Simon 2 goes stir-crazy, and Simon 4 goes me crazy, although he’s polite about it. (Simon 6 is not polite about it, which is its own brand of alluring.)

[unnecessarilygrandiose]

I saw Agatha as a lesbian the entire time because of her saying she couldn’t love Simon like that (which could also point to her being aroace) but I think the difference is that post is about (largely noncanon) mlm ships with legitimate competition from girl love interest. Agatha isn’t really that because Simon snow is about a gay couple with her as one of their exes. It genuinely could have just written her out or turned her into a villain but instead it gave her her own interiority and a love story (and led to the introduction of a butch character which is appreciated imo). The op even specifies that there a difference between writing a one note lesbian character to get her out of the way in a progressive manner vs letting her be her own character. It would be like if someone shipped Gale and Peta (random example I know) and was just like “oh and katniss is happy she has a girlfriend… see they show up in chapter six to give Pale their support and tease them. Don’t worry about what they’re doing otherwise. Cuddling probabaly?”

Since carry on is a “fanfiction” it makes sense for it to fall onto fandom tropes but in this one area I don’t think it was nearly as bad as it could have been

I do see that, and I do also think that the character arc wasn't bad in letting herself be her own person. I think my frustration with the story isn't actually a frustration with the story as much as with myself because I was really hoping her confusion and inability to understand what the hell was up with her romantic life might be her being aroace.

I think my main issue was the fandom though. Like I tried to stick in those parts of it which were nice to her but I remember coming across waaay too many fics and takes that were needlessly cruel to her. I think maybe this was that part of the fandom that had been around since Fangirl, and ig since snowbaz wasn't canon in that universe their bitterness carried over? Even though Agatha and Simon's relationship was very much near its end by the start of book 1? Because I remember people making posts like 'oh well i guess Agatha isn't that bad' after awtwb, when they still sort of despised her till after wayward son. Idk for sure though, I sort of eased out of the fandom slowly after that book, I don't remember super clearly. I guess whenever I come across that post I remember the feeling I felt when I was there, so I get kind of sad.

[forabeatofadrum]

WIP Wednesday

Thank you @martsonmars @facewithoutheart and @urban-sith for the tags.

This time, I’m doing something different than a new snippet of Paradiso and I’d cry a river just for you. Welcome to the WIP Wednesday Hospital Ward. This is inspired by @facewithoutheart’s WIP Wednesday Graveyard, where she laid her WIPs that she will not finish to rest. I really, really liked that idea, but I quickly realised that I have the intent of finishing my WIPs and I will finish them. That’s a threat. To me. 

(Besides, I don’t look back to my abandoned fics. Oops. Not even a funeral!)

So instead of a graveyard, I welcome you to the (long-stay) hospital ward where my 10 patients will be waiting for me until I can tend to their needs. 

Please mask up, wash your hands, and leave your names at the visitors’ list @quizasvivamos @coffeegleek @captain-aralias @redheadgleek @dragoneggo @crissmastrees-and-candyklaines @esperantoauthor and other possible visitors!

Get ready, it’s a big hospital ward. I have... a lot of WIPs.

Patient no. 1 is a fic that I started writing before the release of AWTWB, so before we knew that Baz isn’t immortal. In this AU, Simon dies during his showdown with The Mage and Baz lives on on his own. (EDIT: I should maybe add that Simon’s still in this fic as a Visitor! Baz lives his immortal life, living for the moments that he gets to see Simon, which happen every 20 years.)

I almost did not go to the funeral.

In the end, I decided to go there to support Bunce. I wonder if I will ever forget the image of her screaming and clinging to Simon’s lifeless body. I don’t think I ever will.

It was short and, well, sweet. It was a private funeral. The entire World of Mages could mourn their Chosen One, the Greatest Mage who sacrificed himself to defeat the Humdrum.

We mourned Simon.

Patient no. 2 is a fix-it that I started recently after watching the glee episode A Wedding. Long story short, the Klaine and Brittana wedding is stupid, my boys and girls deserve better.

“But... But what?” Kurt asks, desperate to make some sense out of this situation.

“But... not like this,” Blaine squeezes Kurt’s hands. Kurt blinks, and he looks shocked, so Blaine starts to feel the panic rise. They just got back together and now he’s messing it up all over again.

In a rush of panic, he starts rambling. ��I love you, so, so much and I do wanna marry you. You know I do. I asked you to marry me and I still want that for us, but our time apart made me realise that it’s okay to take things slow-”

“Blaine.”

Patient no. 3 once got mentioned in a Myosotis sylvatica author’s note, and that’s the last we heard of them. It’s a Kitty x Roderick fic called Drive Darling. Yes, it’s glee. Yes, these are glee characters. No I don’t blame you if you stopped watching before they appeared.

Alistair immediately kisses Spencer when he gets in.

“Only Roderick left!” Madison says happily.

“Oh, we gotta make a group photo for Myron,” Alistair suggests and Kitty still has troubles believing that Alistair is capable of talking. He’s incredibly shy, but Spencer makes him feel comfortable.

“We can do that at Roderick’s place,” Madison suggests, “He has a big garden.”

“You’ve been to Rod’s?” Spencer asks. It’s not a weird question. They barely hang out at Roderick’s place.

“A couple of times, yeah,” Madison answers and Kitty feels a pit in her stomach. She’s jealous. She knows where this feeling is coming from, but she tries to push it away.

Speaking of underrated ships, I’m not going to tell you what fandom patient no. 4 is from. If someone knows, please tell me. I will send puppies.

“Okay, whatever, why did you need to talk to me?”

Luke takes a deep breath. “So, before I met you, I asked Clyde about girls, so he taught me about girls.”

“I heard about that,” Rani waves it away. In fact, Clyde has told her everything, since he thought it was rather amusing that Luke got his first kiss in front of his mum.

“Now, I need you to teach me about boys.”

My longest running WIP is A rip in time, a Doctor Who universe crossover. I hope to have patient no. 5 discharged before the 13th Doctor leaves us.

All four Doctors are in their respective TARDISes and the companions take their time to explore the four space ships.

“I really like the addition of books,” Sarah Jane browses through the bookcases in Twelve’s TARDIS.

“Keep looking, Sarah,” Twelve says.

“For what?” Sarah Jane asks again. All Doctors seem to believe that one of the TARDISes has the key to the way out.

“Just… keep looking,” Twelve doesn’t sound convinced, but what else can they do.

Sarah Jane also sees a bookcase filled with old VHS tapes. She picks one up. “Marco Polo?” she reads out loud, “What do you mean, Marco Polo?”

“Oh, just one of my missing adventures. I call them my missing episodes,” Twelve says nonchalantly, while he’s reading the TARDIS’s scanner. He apologises to his ship before banging his fist against the monitor. “Come on, old girl, help me out.”

Patient no. 6 is a Zimbits Instagram influencer fic with a strong Lardo and Jack friendship.

“Cool. So, can I borrow that? I’ll buy you a beer.”

“I don’t drink,” Jack says and he holds the camera closer to this body.

Larissa notices and she raises an eyebrow. “You don’t want me to borrow it, do you?”

Jack slowly shakes his head. This woman, Larissa, has no idea what she’s asking of him. She doesn’t know what this camera stands for. She doesn’t know how this camera and Jack’s love for photography have brought light into his life after years of darkness.

She doesn’t know that this camera replaced his hockey stick.

I woefully admit that I forgot that patient no. 7 existed but I was going through my general Glee fic Word document and I came across Met hoeveel letters spel je dat, which is the unofficial second version of my abandoned Amsterdam die mooie stad, which has been a fic idea that’s been in my head since 2013 or something. Now that I’m writing Klaine in the Netherlands, I laughed when I found this. This patient has been on this ward for a long, long time.

“Stel Je Voor Draken,” Koen says, “It’s a small Amsterdam-based band. They’re really good. They mostly sing covers, but recently, they started playing some original songs.”

“Stel Je Voor Draken?” Kurt asks, “That name sounds ridiculous!”

“I know! That’s why they are so amazing,” Koen says excitedly, “Come on, Kurt. You’ve gotten better at understanding Dutch. What do you think Stel Je Voor Draken stands for?”

“Draken… dragons,” Kurt starts translating, but it’s difficult. He knows that je or jij means you. “Dragons… you… what do stel and voor mean? Stel… for. Dragons for you?”

“I’m gonna make it easier for you. What is voorstellen? There are two options. The first one is ‘introducing’, but the second one…” Koen trails off, waiting for Kurt to continue.

“See in front of you,” Kurt tries, “Im-Imagine. Imagine dragons?”

“Exactly!” Koen makes a small twirl with his bike, which is probably not a safe thing to do in the middle of the street. “It is an Imagine Dragons cover band.”

I’m riding the Dutch train for patient no. 8, but this isn’t a story that only takes place in the Netherlands. It’s a glee x Sense8 crossover that takes place in New York, San Juan, Jacksonville, Dublin, Amsterdam, Cebu City, Ljubljana and Melbourne. I don’t think I am ever going to fully write this fic. Maybe I’ll just post random snippets without it being a cohesive story, but I did publish an introduction to the Sensates here.

Artie sighs and he turns around and he sees that he’s stopped right in front of a body of water. That shouldn’t be here.

“You were about to dive right into the canal,” Puck says, “I had to stop you. Welcome to Amsterdam.”

Puck is right. Artie’s seen photos of Amsterdam, so this is definitely it. It’s dark outside and the air is chilly. They’re no longer in Melbourne.

“Am I contact high?” he asks Puck.

“I’m sober,” Puck tells him, “At least, I am now.”

“But… this is Amsterdam? This is really Amsterdam?”

Puck grins when he sees the excited look on Artie’s face. No one understands what just happened, but if he’s really in Amsterdam, then that is pretty amazing. 

“Amsterdam, die mooie stad…”

“... met hoeveel letters spel je dat?” Artie finishes. 

“You speak Dutch?” Puck asks in amazement.

“No.”

Puck pats Artie’s shoulder. “What the fuck is going on?”

“I don’t know,” Artie answers. Then, embarrassed, he asks: “But, uh, can you wheel me to the Red Lights District?”

Puck laughs loudly. “Tour de la Hoer, here we come!”

Truly, both don’t understand what just happened, but they can think about that later. This might not even be real, so Artie decides to enjoy it for as long as it lasts.

Patient no. 9 has been here for a while. It’s a Zimbits timetravel fanfic.

“Jack, calm the hell down. What has happened, has happened, and there is no way to change it. Besides, I wouldn’t change it for the world.” He holds up his left hand.

Jack looks down on his left hand. He will marry this man one day, and all because they met at Samwell.

Maybe that is why his future self doesn’t want Jack to know what is going to happen to him. What if future him remembers it wrongly? What if Jack wakes up in 2009 in four days, and he knows what is going to happen at the draft, and he will change his future?

Maybe his future self is just securing his life with Bitty.

“Oh.”

And lastly, patient no. 10 and I am so sorry to this fic, since my computer tells me that I haven’t opened this document since 2018. It’s once again a glee fanfic and it’s about Asian identity, diversity and intersectionality. Tina, Mike, Blaine and Wes are the main characters. Tina’s story is about being adopted into a white family, Mike’s about moving to America as a young child, Blaine’s about being biracial and Wes’s about being the child of immigrants.

Glee sometimes made their identity the butt of the joke (or they erased it in Blaine’s case) and this is me trying to give the jokes about Asian camp and Asian online forums a place. 

There’s so much diversity in the Dalton Asian Union. Wes hates it when people all lump Asia together and basically call it China. Wes grew up in a traditionally Chinese household. His parents moved to America to flee the Cultural Revolution and Mao’s dictatorship when they had the chance. At home, Wes speaks Mandarin with his parents, but English slips in every now and then. Sure, they changed their last names in order to have a better chance of getting a job, but that’s not because they hate being Chinese. No, America is just racist.

In the DAU, there are a lot of students who can relate to that. There are other Chinese students, but also Vietnamese, Korean, Japanese, Thai, and so on. Just like Wes, they all hate the fact that people immediately assume everyone’s Chinese. Asia isn’t even South East Asia only. There are also Pakistani and Syrian students in the DAU, because that’s Asia!

Outside the DAU, Wes is also part of the Ohio Asian Forum and he has two internet friends. Tina XxGothGirlTayTayxX, who is Korean, and Mike AsianDancer, who is Chinese as well. He’s never met them, but that is the beauty of the internet. He has told them about Blaine and they both agree that Blaine should be able to join the DAU.

Wes has tried telling Blaine that, but Blaine is sure he won’t join.

“I’ll never feel fully at ease, Wes,” he’d said and Wes was angry about that. The DAU is diverse. There are already other Filipino students in the DAU, so why can’t Blaine join?

Or better yet: why do they still give Blaine the feeling he can’t join or that he doesn’t belong? It basically sends a message to white-passing students that they’re not Asian enough.

Wow, that were 10 patients! If you’ve made it to the end, thank you for paying all of them a visit. Feel free to leave flowers.