#maybe i am wrong or maybe I am right BUT missed a detail or two!

[katyspersonal]

BLOODY CROW VS ALBERICH

Who is winning the edgelord contest?

LMAO. I see you still haven't learned to stop pitting the kings against each other sjffhdsd Well, I actually think Alberich might win this one..? xD

Okay, so, Bloody Crow is, indeed, edgy: he is one of the guardians of the vampire queen using the sword that he powers up with the blood and that keeps draining from his life force, he is heavily implied to hunt the hunters themselves to get the blood dregs from them (hence the affiliation, and the heresy to what Hunters of Hunters should REALLY do; feed corpses to the birds). His look ALONE is pretty edgy; he has all the Cainhurst drip but chest piece is the cape inspired by crow feathers, and he is also one of like, three survivors of the castle ruined by religious fanatics, still latching onto what he knew despite not being able to return (Annalise tells us we are her only affiliate after we contract with her).

So like, yeah, why would Alberich win? Because of the term you used, lol! xD 'Edgelord' would imply like... humorously, comically, unnecessarily over-the-top with angst and blood and all against the society, and honestly, Crow is more serious (dare I say, tragic?) character than meets the eye! Besides, the 'edginess' of his weapons is reduced because it is just normal covenant weapon for them!

Alberich though? Like I mentioned, if you remove his hat in alteration of outfits, you can see similar process with Azur and Lusat, but with bloody glintstones instead of their comet ones. I don't even know whether he did that to himself, or he was likewise an exiled criminal; he uses cold sorceries as well, and Staff of the Sinner/Guilty/whatever? I feel as though nothing about his data suggesting any eyes injury or absence (unlike, say, with the sisters) implies that he inflicted the blindness on himself by never taking the bandage, because he JUST decided bloody sorcery was cooler, hahaha. Regardless of the interpretation, dude is edgy. Again, the blood glintstones are reviled as they're brought by stabbing (if not killing) other people! The dude also uses his own blood to create spiky bloody vines - sorry, but this is MORE edgy than simply coating the sword in the blood that is already IN the sheath; Crow doesn't even STAB himself, unlike Maria!

But more importantly? He is said to be asocial in general, keeping away from people. ...and he was driven mad by "jeering tongues", whereas dropping an item Taunter's Tongue that is golden in color, whereas Ensha is stated to have golden bones, whereas he doesn't speak, so I conclude Alberich cut out his tongue for talking shit about him! Like!! Okay, look, that is VERY edgy! Like, unnecessary over-the-top reaction, that I think Bloody Crow would not have had! In fact, I believe Crow might even enjoy it if people talk shit about him? And I feel like Crow has more merit to needing to keep away from the society with his story and goals, whereas Alberich is more on the "studying heretical magic that those plebs just won't "understand"" side!

^^^ that's Alberich with blood glintstones when he appears in the Roundtable Hold frrrrrr fhdhds xddd

...but also, Alberich is wearing blood glintstones on his clothes. It is like, showing off how many people he stabbed, since blood turns into them. Crow doesn't really show off his 'crimes' like that.

Honorable mentions: 1) Me and @val-of-the-north headcanon that Alberich enjoys consuming blood, like adding it in the tea or whatnot, and that is WITHOUT any vampiric implications, which is edgier 2) If theory about Gideon being his father holds up, that'd give Alberich HEAVY daddy issues, which would add to the angstiness. 3) I just... like, if I had to choose which one of these characters would give a villain speech full of oddly specific, even petty grudges, I'd totally pick Alberich! I feel like Crow would either not even honor his opponent with a word unless seriously pissed off (by refusing to die fast enough? xD), or he would be kind of on point.

______________

Argh. This ask had no business being THIS hard. These characters do not even have a darn dialogue, I have to walk in the dark and base my judgement on headcanons. ;-; Please never do it again.

[amoreva]

Dark Luke Castellan hijacking the reader, I can't deal with the end of the series.

WHAT IS LOVE?

—– ٠ ✤ ٠ —–· • —– ٠ ✤ ٠ —– • · —– ٠ ✤ ٠ —–

pairing: luke castellan x fem!reader

summary: was it love if he did it for you? for a better future? the gods were his enemy, but he wanted you by his side away from harm.

warnings: during luke’s betrayal, angst, ooc luke

a/n: tbh i had no idea how to write dark!luke castellan, so i kind of wrote him kind of desperate and insane and a lot neglected because of the situation and kronos manipulating him.

—– ٠ ✤ ٠ —–· • —– ٠ ✤ ٠ —– • · —– ٠ ✤ ٠ —–

“Luke. What?”

Your heart drops to your stomach. Luke is holding your hands. You thought he’d took you into the forest to makeout (maybe more), but no. He was asking you the unthinkable, the impossible.

To join him. To join him side by side with Kronos the Titan.

At first you’re in denial. “Don’t joke like that.” An awkward giggle emitted from your lips. “You shouldn’t tell that joke to Percy. He almost met him.”

Luke squeezed your hands. A firework exploded behind him, allowing you to see the details of his face. Your stomach churned. Luke’s eyes are missing that warmth and affection he always had.

In its place is determination and power. “Come with me.” He asked again, firmer this time.

Your smile dropped. This the same Luke that gave you his dessert at dinner, right? The same Luke that held you when nightmares felt real?The same Luke that told you he loved you? Right.

You were willing to forget this, put it behind you like nothing ever happened. He probably hit his head or had a really really bad nightmare. “We should get you checked out, hm?”

“Nothing is wrong with me.” Luke said and unsheathed Backbiter. He let go of your hands. Luke wouldn’t hurt you, would he? Another firework, Backbiter gleamed in the pink. “Let’s go.”

“Luke, you can’t possible believe—”

“Kronos has opened my eyes!”

You flinched. His interruption scared you. “He showed me the gods treat their children like pawns, like shit. Me! You! Will, Silena…Thalia, even Percy!” You wince at the mention of your late friend. “I should’ve known. Ever since I saw my poor excuse for a dad—I’m not getting used anymore. I don’t want you to get used anymore.”

“I don’t want you—us to keep getting neglected because of our parents. We don’t deserve it.” Luke pleaded, trying to open your eyes in a new light.

“What makes joining Kronos any better?” You cupped his cheek, thumb brushing against his scar. The same scar that reminded him of how little the gods cared.

Instead of softening up to your touch and leaned in, he was still, tense. “I would be the son of a Titan—a Titan who sees me for who I am!”

“Luke…” You said softly and held his face. His eyes flickered, they glistened with moisture as he listened to you. It was like he was still there. “I don’t know—I don’t know what you got yourself into, but—for fucks sake snap out of it!”

“Do you hear yourself?” You asked.

The twinkle in your boyfriend’s eyes died out as if he was reminding himself of his purpose, his quest for Kronos. He stepped back from you. Daunting questions weighing in your head.

“Were you the one…that released the hellhound after Capture the Flag?” You asked, putting the pieces together.

“Yes.”

“You tried to kill Percy—Luke…you have to know that is so fucked up!”

“The gods are my enemy!” Luke shouted and gripped your arms. He looked you in the eyes. “You…you are still my sweet, sweet, naive girlfriend—you don’t get it now…but know this is all to protect you, protect us from harm, war.”

“Naive?” Your eyes widened. That was the only part you got out of it.

“Yes—no. Not naive! Fuck!” Luke huffed in frustration and ran his fingers through his chocolate curls. “Just…just—come with me—either way, I’m not leaving you when war breaks out.”

“Stop it.” Your heart was breaking into two, seeing like this. It looked like he was battling with himself, in his head. Tears brimming your eyes.

You hesitated to help him, your hands hovering close like he was delicate animal. He straightened up and brushed his hair back.

“I have to recruit, Percy. Last chance, babe—” Babe. It sounded so wrong coming from his lips now, especially now.

His once charming smile replaced with one filled with hidden insanity, pseudo. It was like he was cracking. Cracking under pressure. Cracking under time. Cracking under stress, sympathy, anger, revenge—all of it.

You don’t know how he got here, how Kronos fucked with his head so bad that he was breaking. It hurt you, hurt you more than you thought you would. A part of you wanted to keep refusing, get Luke the help he needed.

The other part; to join him. Join him, but not to join the cause. Join him and help him soothe him, him and battles with his own head. To make sure he was okay and completely sane for choosing this.

Yet an answer refused to leave your mouth. You were speechless. Tears rolling down your cheeks at the situation. The entirety of true situation felt overwhelming. Either way you couldn’t lose Luke.

This was love, right?

To feel be so conflicted with your emotions and decisions, but wanting your partner to be safe and okay from whatever being had his mind captive.

To wanting to get revenge on the Greek gods and goddesses, but you couldn’t allow your partner to get caught in the crossfire.

In both of your own ways, Luke and you still cared and loved each other dearly and it would never stop.

Luke sighed. “Don’t cry, baby.” He wiped your tears and pressed a kiss to your forehead (one that really felt like it was him).

Your body felt weak, vision fading in and out. You didn’t notice, but you felt a pressure on your carotid arteries. “Luke—”. You blacked out and he caught you in his arms.

“Just sleep. We’ll be there soon, with or without Percy.”

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[lemonmaid]

Could I request kenma x male reader omegaverse where kenma has a huge crush on reader but doesn't know what to do with it?

Warnings: references to meeting someone on the internet and getting kidnapped/molested.

Omegan Stranger

Kenma Kozume x male reader

"Kenma!! You've gotta meet my friend (Name)! I feel like you guys would like each other!" Hinata jumped onto Kenma, almost latching onto him as a baby koala.

Kenma sighed and tried shaking Hinata off, "Hinata, for the last time please stop coming up behind me, like that you are going to give me a heart attack".

"But! He also likes video games!"

Kenma just stared at Hinata, giving a look, "So you think just because we both like video games, we would like each other? Pass".

"Hey, what are you two gossiping about?". Kurro walked up towards the duo.

"Oh hey, Kurro! I was just telling Kenma about my friend that he would like!"

"Oh is that so~ well you should give up, Kenma's alpha is like non-existent. Speaking of which, are you sure you're an alpha? You know, I've heard of school testing coming out wrong".

"Can both of you quiet down? I'm trying to finish this game before the match starts... also I'm kinda already 'talking' to someone.." Kenma rolled their eyes and focus on his phone.

"WHAT?!"

...

The three walked towards a corner store, "come on Kenma, can you give us a little details about them?"

"No".

Kurro sighed, "Okay... how about where y'all met?".

"On LOL".

Hinata and Kurro, gave eachother a look. "Okay listen buddy, I'm sorry to say but the person might be an 40 old man".

"No they arent".

"Okay! But how do you know! It's a stranger!" Hinata yelled.

"Keep it down please, we are supposed to meet up today at the Internet Café".

Kurro put a hand on Kenma's shoulder, "As your best friend-"

"You're not my best friend"

"Shush, again, as your best friend, I and Hinata will come with you to make sure you don't get molested or kidnapped by a stranger on the internet".

...

Kurro snickered, "Are you really wearing your volleyball uniform to this "date"".

"Yeah because I told them that I will be wearing a red sweatsuit"

"Okay but what are they wearing?"

Kenma looked at his phone, "He said a yellow turtle neck".

Kurro whisled, "Oh so it's a guy?".

"Yeah... is that a problem?".

"Oh no! I'm an ally!"

Kenma gave Kurro a look, "Shut up, we are here".

Hinata looked through the window, "OMG ITS (NAME), I'LL BE RIGHT BACK".

Hinata ran inside, "Jesus what's his problem, right Kenma? Kenma?".

Kenma just stared at the duo through the window, his breath hitch.

'This scent... it reeks'

"Kenma... hello?" Kurro kept shaking his hands in front of the blonde, trying to get him out of his trance.

"Sorry I can't do this". Kenma started walking away from the café.

Kurro looked af Kenma in shock, "HEY BRO WHERE YOU GOING?!".

Hinata and (Name) came out of the café, "(Name)! These are my friends! Kurro and Kenma! Wait were did Kenma go?"

"Um.. I don't know? He kinda just walked away".

"It's okay Hinata, I'm just waiting on a friend to show up, which could be any minute now".

Kurro gave Hinata an awkward look, "Listen, why don't we keep you company untill your friend arrives? So it's safer!"

"Um..." (Name) looked at their phone, "sure that's okay".

...

[11:43 p.m.]

Kenma just stared at his PC screen, debating whether or not to turn it on. 'If I go online, my online statues would be seen and if they are on, they'll wonder why I didn't show up today'.

'Fuck it. I am not wasting my daily rewards on some man' .

As soon as Kenma launched the game, he saw that his inbox had three missed messages.

Hey! I'm at the café! Let me know when you are here! :)

Hey, I don't mean to be a bother but are you coming? My friend came by and is keeping me company until then.

Hey, is everything okay?

Okay, I'm going to go. Sorry things didn't go as planned. Maybe next time? :)

Kenma stared at the messages and sighed, 'God, I'm such a dick'.

[Ding]

Kenma looked and saw that he was invited to an private in game chat.

'Time to face my consequencess'

"Hey, sorry that I didn't show up. Something came up".

"Oh, it's okay! I wasn't alone but we should really try meeting up again next time".

"Yeah. Next time.".

"Yeah.... I was thinking at the in person tournament? It's this Saturday! There is a grand prize too!".

"Yeah, we can try Saturday. Are you thinking about teaming up?".

"Yeah! Of course!".

"Good. Let's do a practice round".

"Ready when you are!".

...

"So why did you leave yesterday?"

Kenma stared at Kurro, "something came up".

"Bullshit". Kurro crossed his arms, giving a judgemental mother look towards Kenma.

Kenma sighed, throwing the volleyball towards the wall, "I don't know, I just kinda froze".

"You froze?"

"Yeah..."

Kurro scoffed, "for an alpha that was adopted by two omegan parents. You sure are skittish around them".

Kenma dropped the ball, "wait, they are an omegan?"

"Duh".

Kenma looked at his chest, 'Is that why you were acting up yesterday'.

"Well if it makes you feel better, we are going to retry Saturday"

"Way to go buddy!" Kurro put Kenma in a head lock, " I knew you could get bitches!".

Kenam growled, "LET ME GO".

"Woah woah, easy there baby alpha. Oh my God look at my baby, he is already growling".

"Please shut up Kurro!".

"No, but for real, we need to get you to prepare! Don't want you freezing up again!". Kurro teased.

Kurro looked at Kenma, "why did you freeze up again?"

Kenma face turned red, picking his nails, "I don't know. At first, his scent reeked then it felt welcoming and I don't know it just kinda made me freeze".

Kurro smiled, "Man, that omega has gotten a hold on your alpha".

"..what".

"Wait how long have you've known him?"

Kenma took a minute, "Well we've been playing on LOL together for a year now".

"And yall are going to meet for the first time Saturday?".

Kenma nodded.

Kurro sighed, "Well you might aswell confess now".

Kenma started choking, "WHAT?".

Kurro started tsking, "No omega would meet up with a stranger they meet on LOL for christ sake. So let's get you to prepare for Saturday".

♡

[Saturday]

"Now Kenma, what did we practice saying?"

"Don't tell him that he stinks"

"Good. What else?"

"Make them feel like they are being heard in the conversation".

"Wonderful. Last thing?"

"Um... food is the way to the heart?".

"No, but just be a good host".

Kurro gave Kenma a pat on the back, sending him his way into the convention center.

Kenma laid eyes on (Name), freezing again, "hey buddy, you are going to be okay". Kurro pushed Kenma foward.

(Name) turned around and smiled at the duo, "hey! Are you Kenma?".

Kenma gulped, "um yeah".

"Oh cool! My name is obviously (Name)! You know the guy you've been talking too on LOL".

The two both nervously laughed, Kurro smiled at them, "Well I'll leave you kids to do whatever nerd shit this is! Later!".

(Name) smiled, "So... the tournament doesn't begin until 1:50, I was wondering if you wanted to check out the anime convention next door until then? There is a lot of VAs here!".

"Um yeah sure that's cool".

"Great!".

The two walked around endlessly in the hot box of an convention center, pushing pass people, looking at the over priced dropshipper vendors.

"Oo! Actually Kenma there is an local artist I want to check out before we go eat. Is that okay?"

"Yeah sure, what art do they do?"

The two walk up to the vendor, "Well they just do fan art but I can't resist keychains".

As the two waited in line, something caught Kenma's eye.

"Hey, (Name). I'll be right back!".

"Oh okay! I'll meet you at the food court?" (Name) chirped happily.

Kenma walked up to an LOL vendor that was selling keychains of the video game characters.

"Um excuse me? Can I get two of these?"

♡

"Kenma there you are!". (Name) smiled and walked towards the blonde carrying drinks.

"Hey" Kenma smiled down, rubbing his neck, "Well I got this for you".

Kenma held out (Name)'s favorite LOL character in a keychain.

"Oh my goodness, Kenma.. you didn't have too".

As (Name) reached out for the Keychain, Kenma grabbed the man's hands.

(Name) look at the blonde, "(Name)...."

"Yes?".

"(Name) if we win this tournament... can I court you?".

(Name)'s face flushed in red.

♡

[Few years later]

"Name... wake up. I don't have time for this today".

(Name) snuggled closer in the bedsheets, just coming off of his latest heat, "I don't wanna, if I do get up that means I gotta be a person today".

Kenma chuckled, "Babe, I love you but I'm trying to stream... I don't wanna anyone else seeing my omega laying in their natural habitat"

"NaTUrAL HaBiTAt, you make it seem like I'm an animal"

Kenma sighed, "Well.. you do bite..".

(Name) threw a pillow towards the man, "You dick!".

(Name) charged towards Kenma; Kenma grabbing (Name)'s legs and flipping him upside down.

"AND HIS NAME IS JOHN CENA! BOOM BOOM BOOOM".

This was my first request and I am very happy! It was long, barely proofread, but I think it was goof! I hope you enjoyed it. Thank you so much! This was kinda rushed, sorry user if this wasn't as good as you hoped it to be. Thank you for the request anyways!

[milesandcorysupermacy]

"I know someone who can" (Part 2)

1610!Miles x Confused-Black-Fem!Reader

Genre: Friends-to-lovers, Fluff, lil bit of angst

Warnings: Cursing, Google Translated Spanish, That's it I think lemme know if I missed sum 🤷🏾‍♀️

Songs that it's based on: Let Me Love You By Mario, Don't By Bryson Tiller

Summary: Basically, you get into a lil argument with your man (Jaleel) and run to Miles. You tell him that it's been like this for a while and he isn't having any of that. He tells you that you deserve better, luckily he knows someone who can provide better 😉

Prev: He said as he continued speed walking the streets of Brooklyn, New York, with you wrapped in his warmth. He wanted to get to his apartment as soon as possible to make sure you're ok, you took note of that. Jaleel was wrong about a lot of things, but maybe he was right about this. Maybe you do wanna be with Miles...?

-----------x-o-x-o------------------------------

You and Miles approached the stoop of his apartment. He sighed, taking his keys out of his coat pocket.

"Hey...I uh- I know that my parents are gonna be a little much on you since they really like you. But, if you don't feel like talking, just nudge me a little bit and we can go straight to my room, ok?"

He asked, with a genuine look of care in his eyes. This 'friendship' always felt better than any of the relationships you were in. You always felt like Morales genuinely raised your standards in men, he was always insisting on making sure your needs were prioritized over his own. Everyone always joked that you guys were soulmates, but only now do you finally understand what they were saying.

"Ok. Thanks again, Miles. For just....always being here for me."

"No, problem. It's my job!"

He exclaims, before opening the door. You two walk up a flight of stairs and make it to the apartment door, before he stops and checks on you one last time.

"Are you 100% sure that you wanna talk to them? We can honestly just walk past. I wanna make sure you're ok, mami."

Miles says, searching your eyes for any sign of discomfort.

"Yea, I'm sure. I love your parents!"

You say, before he opens the door. The familiar scent of Chinese take-out fills your nostrils. You also hear the sounds of the TV in the living room, you weren't really paying attention, but from what you could gather it sounded like the news. As soon as you two walked in, Rio and Jeff snapped their heads over to the front door. They instantly became relaxed when they saw you and Miles together.

"Hey, Y/N! Come gimme a hug, mama!"

Said Rio, with a genuine smile on her face.

"Hey, Mrs. Morales!"

You say, excitedly before Walking over to her. When she pulled you in for a tight hug, she had a faint scent of Vanilla. You took notice of the familiar scent.

"Oh, you're wearing the lotion that Miles and I bought you for Christmas! It smells really good."

You mentioned.

"Yes, I am. You have a great attention to detail, hija! Take notes."

(Daughter)

She jokingly whisper shouted to her son, leaving a very flustered teenage boy.

"Ma!"

"Oh, lighten up. I'm only joking, unless you want me to be serious."

She said, wiggling her eyebrows in Miles and Jeff's direction. Jeff chuckled and finished dapping up his son. You two switched parents, you making your way over to Jeff, and Miles making his way over to Rio. You gave him a side hug.

"Hey, hun. How's your mom doing?"

He asked, since he went to high school with your mom.

"She's good, I'll tell her that you asked."

"Ok, that's good. So....why were you walking with my son?"

Jeff asked, making Miles shoot his head in your direction. Jeff chuckled at his son's attentiveness to your every move.

"You know, that's how it started with your mom, son. Just taking her on walks, going over each other's houses, always wanting to hang out."

Jeff said, before walking over to Rio and placing his hands on her shoulders, leaving you and Miles standing awkwardly next to each other.

"Yea, what's that thing that you kids are saying now-a-days? You need to show her your 'W rizz', man!"

Rio said, making Miles grimace. You started chuckling, making Miles lighten up.

"Alright, that's enough of that! We're gonna go into my room, bye!"

Miles said before Rio called out saying that the Chinese food was in the fridge incase you two were hungry. He walked into his room and closed the door. You took your shoes off and sat on the bed.

"I'm so sorry about them, they just like the idea of me getting with someone."

You chuckled.

"Yea, I get that. My mom says the same thing about the two of us."

He smiled.

"So, do you still wanna talk about why I caught you crying? We don't have to if you don't want to."

"No, it's ok. I-"

You sighed thinking about the experience.

"It was Jaleel."

Miles sighed.

"This dude again, Y/N you deserve so much better. You can't keep letting him treat you like this."

"I know, I know. That's why I said I was done. He was pressing me about my story on IG and he was saying that I was showing off for other guys. I told him that he was just acting really insecure, and he flipped out and called me 'his bitch'. So I got up, said 'I'm done' and I left."

There was a silence before Miles replied.

"Wait, but you know that leaves so much room for assumption, right? All you did was say 'I'm done', Ma. You gotta text him or something and tell him you wanna break u- wait, you do wanna break up, right?"

You sighed and took a few seconds to think about that question. Of course you didn't want to be in a relationship with Jaleel, but you still wanted someone to be with. You still wanted to feel loved.

"Of course I wanna break up with him. There's no question about that, I just don't wanna be single. I want someone to treat me nice and love me. I just don't know anyone who can care for me like that."

You obviously knew someone who could care for you like that, and his name was Miles Morales. He's the only guy in your life who would genuinely give you the type of relationship and respect you want. And as if Miles just read your mind, he sat down on his bed, next to you. He grabbed your chin, making you meet his gaze.

"I know someone who can."

He said, before slowly approaching your lips.

"Wait, Miles. Everyone's gonna start a bunch of rumors and shit if I get with you an hour after a break up."

You say, bullshitting. You knew that you did not care about what those people thought. You knew that you were really just scared to kiss miles. He's one of your closest friends and you didn't wanna lose that if the two of you broke up.

"Then, tell me to stop."

He said, before placing one of his hands on your waist and kissing your neck. The feeling of the kisses were slow and passionate like he's been waiting for so long to finally get his lips hands on you. You knew deep down that you couldn't tell him to stop, as you've been waiting for this moment too.

"Exactly."

The cocky boy said, before moving his head up to kiss your lips. You kissed him back, with the same slow, long-awaited energy that he had. You put your hands around his neck, and he kept his arms on your waist. Slightly rubbing and massaging the skin around your thighs. Your guys' lips moved in sync, Miles' lips being soft with a faint taste of the mint Chapstick you bought him for his stocking.

He pressed the tip of his tongue against your bottom lip, waiting for you to grant him entrance. You open your mouth slightly, allowing him enough room to stick his tounge inside of your mouth, the two of you moving your tounges together like waves crashing in an ocean. It was like a collision of longing, passion, and care all at the same time. The two of you were writing poetry with your mouths, finishing an untold story. You two were so lost in the kiss and movement of each other's hands until...

*bzz*

Miles groaned, before pulling away, annoyed.

"Mami, who's calling you?"

Miles asked with slightly swollen lips. You grabbed your purse and reached inside for your phone, an slightly audible gasp came from your mouth when you saw the Caller ID.

"It's Jaleel."

--------------------------------------------------

OMG TEAAAAA! Anyway, hoped yall liked it because I'm lowk bad at writing kissing scenes so I just yapped and said a bunch of shi that would sound good in theory 😭😭 anyway I kinda forgot to ask if yall wanted a tag list for fics, so.....doing it now! If u wanna be in the tag list, lemme know!

TAGLIST:

@we-loveebony

[chrissturnsgirlll222]

second, never first

part eight | part one | part two | part three | part four | part five | part six | part seven

chris x fem!reader

summary - you grew up hating one guy all of high school but suddenly become close friends, but as time goes on feelings develop, only its one sided.

warnings - swearing, use of y/n, BOYS (no smut… for now lol)

word count - 1500+

NOT PROOFREAD

-

this morning of school was tense. all day i was waiting to hear from anna to cuss me out, ask for a ride home or act like nothing happened and be petty. none of the above happened. she literally didnt go to school.

chris and i hung out at lunch and were just waiting for anna to start texting one of us aggressively but she didnt.

the silent treatment was killing me. why couldnt she just talk to me about what she was feeling. she had it all wrong and if she wasnt talking to me or chris she would just live thinking that we were hooking up being her back. it doesnt help the situation at all that shes ignoring us because we couldnt fully explain ourselves. but with anna, i dont even think clarification would change her mind.

chris and i were about to leave school when i got a text from anna:

monday 3:14pm

anna: i need you to come over, its urgent

as soon as i read the message i booked it to chris’ car showing him the message. “chris what the fuck am i supposed to do.” i exclaim shoving my phone in his face. he grabs it from my hand and reads it, “go.” is all he says.

“go?”

“yes go right now, this is literally our only chance of saving this whole situation.” he says.

“chris i am scared what are you not understanding.” i snap.

“me and you both have watched anna single handedly take girls down for messing with her relationships even if they didnt matter. you have watched her fight girls in the hallway just for looking at her wrong, now you have a chance to fix this and your ‘too scared’.” he explains

i pause thinking about what to do. part of me thinks hes right but the other part is saying that im about to get bitch slapped into oblivion. the people she cares about most betrayed her, atleast in her eyes.

“i dont even know what to say.” i mumble. “maybe explain the fucking situation.” he says in a duh tone. “got it.” i say before running into my car, backing out of my spot and waving off chris.

after driving to annas house ,which time felt like it was speeding past me, i got out of the car and let out a sigh i didnt know i had been holding in. walking up to the front door i run over every detail of what im about to say, finally reaching the top of her porch stairs i knock on the door. the door flys open and anna has the sweetest smile on her face.

im guessing she doesnt know that chris told me about what she said since she started talking to me like normal.

“what did i miss at school any hot gos?” she says walking towards her fridge and grabbing a sparkling water. “uhhh no?” i hesitate for a second confused. “oh lame.” she frowns.

“well i have some.” she says.

“about who?” i question even though i have a feeling i know where she is going with this.

“one of our best friends.” she is talking almost as if she is animated. most likely to freak me out, its working.

“ouu interesting.” i reply.

“yeah! so, one of our closest friends is hooking up with chris behind my back, she actually thinks i wont do something about it.” she states in the same animated tone.

“anna you can drop it i know your talking about me.” i say my face blank.

her face drops “oh so you admit it.”

“no i actually came here to knock some sense in to you.”

she hums in response raising her eyebrows. “what the fuck game do you think your playing at anna. i mean seriously, drop this little creepy act your not intimidating anyone. if you knew everything you wouldnt be acting like a bitch right now.” i snap.

“ouu look who grew a pair, im not going to sit here and listen to your fake ass apologies so you can leave and perhaps let the door hit you on the way out.” she says with a smug smile on her face. “anna if you would get out of your own head you could stop yourself from losing two friends who care about you.”

“friends?” she scoffs, “what great friends i have. did you enjoy your movie night or did chris’ dick feel too good down your throat? i dont need you anymore you see, all you do is complain and complain. you wanna act innocent? get out of my house and i wont tell anyone your as fake as you really are.” she scolds.

“you dont mean that.” my heart shatters as my best friend basically tells me im nothing to her anymore. “oh y/n i mean every word.” she waves at me and turns around.

“unbelievable.” i scoff as i walk out.

if there was anything i knew about anna was that she could lie right through her perfect teeth. if she says shes not going to tell people that she thinks me and chris are hooking up, she quiet literally means the opposite. so if she wants to play that game i will too.

im done getting pushed around by her.

i immediately dial chris’ phone number.

ring ring ring

chris answers the phone.

“hey kid, did everything go smoothly as planned?” he asks.

“no, anna is actually the most horrible human being on the planet i cannot fucking believe i wasted years of my life on that bitch.”

“woah woah calm down. explain to me what happened.” he tries to mediate.

“ill be over in 5.” i say before hanging up and getting into my car.

-

i sped over to chris’ house so angry i swear i passed about 3 stop signs.

“anna is actually unreal i never should have agreed to this little deal of yours to set you up with her.” i storm in to chris’ room. he shoots up at my entrance “ok y/n you actually need to chill the fuck out.” he breathes.

“no chris in not going to ‘chill the fuck out’” i mock, “you know what the fuck she said to me?” i say. “what?” he says.

“she said she doesnt need me anymore.” i quote anna. chris’ face drops. i walk over to his bed dropping my school bag on his floor. “how exactly did all of this blow up in your face this bad?” he questions. “well i walked in acting clueless and she kept talking to me like everything was fine and i was extremely confused right?” i explain. “mhm” chris hums waiting for the rest of the story.

“so she started saying one of her closest friends betrayed her and thought they got away with no consequences, so then i just confronted the situation and she took that as me confessing to everything. so i started to explain myself and then she started saying how we are fake people and that if i didnt leave her house she would tell everyone was a snake and fucking you behind her back.” i continue.

“but you left so your fine right?”

“chris do you even know who anna is? like seriously.” i say and he shrugs his shoulders.

“by tomorrow pretty much everyone will be talking about how we got together behind annas back.” i state.

“im so done being pushed around by her. she always called me a buzzkill when i didnt feed into her constant boy troubles. and you know what carson told me, he said that anna has been scaring guys away from me for years. she never saw me as a friend. she only ever saw me as competition. years of friendship for nothing.”

“if she is going to tell everyone that were snakes then let them believe it.” he blurts out.

i make a confused face at him “chris wha-“ he cuts me off “people are going to believe anna no matter what right?” i shrug in response, “so why dont we entertain the idea for them.” he explains

“chris have you actually lost it?” i say. “nope. kid i dont know about you but anna seems like she wasnt the bestie we thought she was.” he says emphasizing ‘bestie’.

“no?” i respond.

“so then lets get back at her, make everyone think were dating.”

“yeah chris i got that but what do we get out of it?”

“you get back at your horrible bitchy best friend and i get a fake hot girlfriend.”

-

thanks for reading xx

taglist: @sleepysturnss @blahbel668 @alorsxsturn @w4nnabeurs @junnniiieee07 @waydasims @accio326 @bitchydragonparadise @matthewsturnioloswifey @iloveneilperry @stunza @realuvrrr @jennss23

a/n: YALLL IM SO EXCITED TO SEE REACTIONS TO THIS. i have the whole story planned out in my head and we are finally getting into the real plot of this story. hope you guys enjoyed.🩷🩷🩷

[shorelinessightlines]

He ended up doing it on a Sunday. Race weekend. Daniel put his fist through the drywall after his first DNF of the season, and Max broke up with him on the spot.

It had felt very 2018, their argument. Max's head fills the blank spots in his memory with old footage from their pre-Renault days. Daniel, for better or for worse, has not changed so much—it makes it easier to substitute the finer details.

Details have always been difficult for Max, which makes him feel shitty. People think he can't remember because he doesn't care, but he does, he swears he does. There's a lingering, near-permanent part of Max that aches for the smell of Daniel's burnt eggs and charred toast late at night, one that hurts more when he wakes up in the morning to the sound of birds and not the smoke alarm going off.

Caring makes no difference. He's unsure if they were still in their racesuits, or if they'd changed out of them in the few hours it had taken for media duties, debriefs, and post-race apologies slash unfollowing-sprees to wrap up.

The particular characteristics of their argument fade away to this: Daniel had said, "Fuck you, Max," innocuous and unsurprising, but it had brought him back to days at the karting track, the other kids flitting around and shouting swears they only just learned how to say.

Max had run them into a barrier, they complained to their parents, but he would already be sprinting over to Jos, holding up his helmet like, Did you see that? I was brave. I didn't back out. I did exactly what you told me to do.

"That is unfair," he had responded, feeling not very much like himself, and Daniel had looked at him like he had two heads.

"You're dumping me."

Daniel, likely, had never been dumped in his life. Why would anyone dump Daniel? Daniel was fucking perfect and this—this was just another thing Max had managed to fuck up.

"I am not dumping you, Daniel, always you use such ugly words, it is—"

"Max, oh my god, shut up. You're dumping me, and I get you're having a rough time right now, but this is—god, this is just crazy."

Max sniffed then, maybe, sad and angry and violent-feeling. Boiling inside. Hating Daniel in the moment and knowing he would miss him in the morning.

"You—Daniel, you know. Fuck you, this is not fair."

Max told Daniel about the karting tracks. Max told Daniel everything, like his crush on Mark Webber growing up and when his dad died. His hands had been shaking from the weight of his phone in the middle of their Monaco apartment and all Max could think to do was tell Daniel, because he told Daniel everything and Daniel would surely know what to do.

"You wanna talk about unfair? I just had one of the shittiest races of my goddamn life and—" Daniel swiped a cheap lamp to the floor. The bulb shattered. "—my boyfriend is breaking up with me at the racetrack not four hours later. Fuck, isn't that unfair, Max?"

Max's voice tembled when he talked. "You punched the wall. You are so violent, Daniel." It comes out wrong, but it's true. Daniel is violent like Max's father. So is Max, most days.

"I am not Jos," Daniel spit; he knew what Max meant, he knew Max better than anyone and it was still so angry. Daniel hated Jos, and god, Max never used to think like this before but it's so easy, these days, to be reminded of his late father. Last names, misplaced shadows, bruises that had purpled unevenly on Daniel's knuckles—familiar and disgusting and angry. This is not fair.

It was a regular spat—Daniel yelled and cussed Max out and punched a wall and broke a lamp and it was all normal. But fuck, all Max could do was be reminded of the karting tracks, of his dad, and that made Max feel even worse because everything reminded him of his dad and racing reminded him of his dad and Daniel reminded him of his dad and the hole in the drywall reminded him of his dad and—

Max remembers (details, details, details—) the distant way he had said, "I will not do this with you anymore."

It's only been a few days since Max and Daniel broke up. He thinks he is already starting to regret it.

---

Max has taken to imagining a life where he is, perhaps, a fish.

It would fit the empty, white nature of his apartment—if it were in reality a fishbowl, and he just swam in circles endlessly. If Daniel were his fish-friend and they lived their fishy lives together. Nothing could be so bad, of course, if there was Daniel.

But, this is not possible. Jimmy and Sassy would simply eat him.

"Nah, mate," Not-Daniel materializes on the couch. Max doesn't question it; Not-Daniel has been showing up on his couch a lot as of late, to fill the vacancy Real-Daniel left behind. "Nah, Sassy wouldn't eat you. Jimmy, now... that's another story."

"You underestimate Sassy."

"Oh no, far from it," Daniel's voice is strange and round because he's gaping his mouth open and shut to imitate a fish. He looks silly. "Sassy's too cunning. She's waiting for Jimmy to eat you so she can tell me what happened and I'll throw Jimmy out the window. Then she'll have the apartment all to herself. It's quite the plan, actually."

Max laughs at that and blows imaginary bubbles to Daniel, which he catches and throws back at him like a baseball. Then Max throws a pillow, and Daniel laughs too.

"I wish we were really fish," says Max. "I don't care if Jimmy would eat me." In the perfect world of his daydream, Daniel responds:

"Yeah, we'd make the best fish couple, don't you think?"

Of course, Max broke up with Daniel two weeks ago, so he has taken to telling these things to Lando instead. Lando has much less interesting responses, like, "Are you sure you don't want to see a therapist?"

Max scowls.

"I do not want to see a therapist. Why would I need a therapist?"

Lando raises an eyebrow, then both eyebrows. A strange habit.

"Your dad died, like, a week and a half ago," Lando ticks off on one finger. "You broke up with Daniel after five years together, you drove possibly the worst race of your life last weekend, and now you think you're a fish." Lando wiggles four fingers in front of the camera. Max wishes Lando were here in real life so he could shove Lando's dumb fingers into Lando's dumb face.

Then he reminds himself that Lando is his friend, and then Max feels shitty and angry and just like his dad. (Everything these days reminds him of his dad.)

"How lovely."

"Nah, I wouldn't say as much." Lando has a strange expression on his face, the grainy quality of the phone camera merging his eyebrows together into a caterpillar. "Mate. Get help."

"I do not need help."

"That's exactly what Daniel would say." Fuck you, Lando.

Max feels a sudden, sharp pang of anger and regret at just the sound of Daniel's name—wrong on Lando's tongue, marred by a British accent and a chaotic friendship that always managed to make Max insecure. Fuck you fuck you fuck you. You don't know him better than me.

"Daniel would not say that," he says instead of screaming. His voice sounds odd and strained. Mean. Angry. "Daniel is—Daniel would not say that."

Lando says, "Maybe not when you knew him, but you two haven't been teammates for five years. That changes more than you might think.”

"Daniel—"

"—didn't tell you when he got fired, did he?" Lando raises his eyebrows again, because he knows he's right and he is a smug dickhead.

No, Daniel didn't tell Max when he got fired. Max found out through Instagram of all places, and it had felt especially strange back then because they lived together and Daniel told him everything.

It was an exchange—Daniel would spill all his insecurities and his break with Michael and the way the car felt more like a death trap than a vehicle most days, and Max would tell Daniel about how much he missed eating breakfast with Victoria on Saturdays, about the dumb photoshoots Red Bull made him do now that he was a world champion, about Jos and the moment he died and the way Max felt shitty and free and so violent.

But Daniel didn't tell Max when he got fired, and he didn't tell him about his eating problems, and he didn't—fuck, Daniel was so kind and so gentle and sometimes he punched walls so hard the plaster crumbled from the power of his fists.

Daniel was one of those things that hurt more that it healed. Soft and tender in the right places—if Max pushed too hard, he would bruise him. If Max touched his shoulder he might scratch himself on Daniel's sharp edges; might break, like the walls did, under the force of Daniel's anger.

He feels like he's breaking, now. He needs Daniel, all the time, bruises and scars and plaster and all. (He needed his dad, too, and he has come to wonder if needing vicious things has been written into code, much like racing has. If his dad taught him brutality with the braking zones, at the karting tracks all those years ago.)

"I can recommend you a therapist," Lando is saying in this coddling kind of tone, the one you would use on a baby.

Max had never been coddled. It feels odd to hear it now, at his grown age, by a friend two years younger than him who probably found out Daniel was fired exactly when Daniel did.

He says, "Fuck you," and doesn't really mean it.

Lando responds, "Can't do that if you're a fish."

---

Jos's funeral is on a Sunday. Race weekend. The Australian Grand Prix.

Max is convinced Jos wrote that specifically in his will just to screw Max over one final time. Unnecessary, really—Max still jumps at his own shadow, when he mistakes the rigidity of his own shoulders for his father's.

Max catches a glimpse of his silhouette on the grass, bulky and stiff next to the thin lines of other attendees. He grimaces.

It's too sunny out, for a funeral. Max feels overheated in his black suit. Victoria stands at his side and wipes sweat from her brow, equally uncomfortable in a black dress and heels. Jos's other children, most of which Max honestly forgets exist some days, stand ramrod straight and look appropriately sad, sweating through their Sunday-best while their perfect blue eyes and slightly chubby faces scrunch up in grief.

Max tries to imagine Jos yelling at these kids and thinks bitterly that to them, Jos was maybe a good father. A good man, husband, citizen. They must miss him so much, they must be so sad he is gone.

Max tries to find an emotion within him that is not confused or afraid, and comes up empty.

His half-sister finishes the eulogy abruptly—it's wet-sounding, something guttural and painful clogging her throat. After that, the rest of the service passes by quickly. He stays behind with Victoria while all the guests file out and his half-siblings get ushered to the car by their mother; it would probably look bad if Max were the first to leave his father's funeral.

When the last guest has disappeared into the parking lot, Max flops down beside his father's freshly-dug grave and puts his head to his knees. Victoria sits down much more gingerly, careful not to ruin her dress.

"He was a weird dad," she says, unprompted. Max supposes this is the part where they are supposed to mourn him. "I don't remember too much of him. He always took you places and left me home with Mom."

"He took me to the karting tracks."

"Yeah, I know." She sighs. "You missed a race for this. He would've hated that."

Max supposes he would have. He can't decide if that makes him sad or angry or—or vindicated, somehow. Max is sure that if Daniel were here, some more prominent emotion would have risen to the top, just to pick a fight with whatever Daniel wanted to say.

They could never seem to settle when it came to Jos Verstappen.

"Do you think Daniel would have missed the race to be here?" The words bubble up, unbidden. Max practically chokes on them. To be with me, lies unspoken between them, solid like a rock in Max's throat.

Victoria looks at him with something like pity. "He had a habit of doing anything for you," she says like it's a bad thing, "if only you would ask."

Max does not say anything to that. He's not sure there is an answer to be had.

Victoria nudges him with her shoulder. "He won today, you know."

"He did?" The fondness cuts its way out of him. Home race. Big deal. "That's good. He deserves it, of course."

"Hm. He wouldn't have, if you'd been there."

Max bristles at that. He used to like being better than Daniel, being compared to Daniel. He used to like it because Jos liked it, and he wanted Jos to like him.

"Daniel is a good driver."

"No championship, though."

"You sound like Dad."

Victoria smiles, wry. "Fuck, don't we all somedays. You know, I yelled at Luka at the karting tracks the other day to brake later. It was like something came over me, you know? It felt like—like this is what we were born to be. And that felt dumb and ugly and I fucking cried in the bathroom when we got home."

Max gets that feeling. "I broke up with Daniel because he punched a wall," he offers, and it's so stupid, the way Jos has wormed his way into the best parts of their lives and rotted there, like a dead dog in the town well.

"Ah. I was wondering why you didn't ask him to be here."

Max shrugs. He is silent for a while, trying to pick out the right thing to say, and then:

"Do you miss him?" Victoria asks. "Despite the violence?" He wonders if she means Daniel or Jos.

He says, "Is it bad, if I do?"

---

Max is not all that surprised when he wakes up on Tuesday morning and finds Daniel on his couch. It used to be their apartment, after all, and Daniel still has the key.

Daniel is awake when Max stumbles into the living room. His stubble makes him look more tired than he actually must be. He says, "Howdy," in an exhausted and sheepish tone, and Max says, "I was going to drop off your things, I promise."

Daniel blinks.

"That's not what I'm here about."

"Oh." Max blinks too. "How was Australia?" He’s pretty sure he’s already had this conversation with Daniel at least four times in the past week since the funeral. Well, there's no harm in trying again.

"It was great. I won."

"That is good, for the team. I knew you could do it, of course, I told them so."

Daniel shakes his head. "You would have won, if you had been there."

"You sound like my dad," Max blurts out. It is true. You do sound like my dad. Victoria sounded like my dad. Everyone sounds like my dad.

Daniel narrows his eyes and doesn't say anything. Please do not look at me this way. It is not my fault he is haunting me.

Max scrambles to find something else to talk about. "I will make us breakfast," he says, already shifting away from the couch. “Cereal is fine, yes?”

"Uh. Sure. Sounds nice."

Max escapes to the kitchen, which is, in reality, only a few feet away. Still, the separation of the counter and the couch enforces a sense of distance—protection.

Daniel, of course, does not obey the invisible boundaries Max has outlined in his head. He rises, takes a few steps, and now he is in Max's space; lingering like he doesn't know what to do with himself, purposeful and aimless and intrusive.

"Do you—do you need help?" Daniel is peering over his shoulder. Max looks at him, their faces close. Then, he looks back at the two bowls he had laid out on the countertop and frowns.

Max's shadow splays itself across the countertop, and the broad line of Jos’s shoulders stares at him, aloof and alone. For a second, he wonders if the silhouette is Daniel’s, and it is Max who is the ghost.

He feels his heart sink, like the other four times Not-Daniel has woken up on Max's couch since Jos's funeral. Not-Daniel is still saying: “I can help, if you want me to.”

Max feels inexplicably angry, at that—wants to scream that of course he needs help, he has always needed Daniel’s help—Daniel used to char the toast and burn the eggs and make coffee that tasted like burning rubber. Max has not yet learned how to make breakfast without Daniel fucking it up.

Jos used to fuck up the breakfast too, a traitorous voice whispers in Max's ear, and he tenses.

It is different, of course, Max knows this. Jos burned the toast because he didn't care if Max ate ashes. Daniel burned the toast because he loved Max, and he couldn't help but ruin some things.

Max remembers to reply, trance-like, “No. I am okay. Sit back down.”

He turns to look at Daniel, and finds he has magically appeared on the couch once more.

The first time this happened, Max had freaked out, had thought he was going crazy. Now, it’s more disappointing than anything.

Logically, Max knows that he dropped off Daniel’s copy of the key a while ago, along with Daniel’s hoodies and knick-knacks and journals. Daniel has not actually been in their apartment in a very long time, and Max knows this because he has not had to replace a dented pan or nicked glassware in a decent amount of time.

He asks Not-Daniel, as he preps two bowls of cereal: “Do you remember what we were wearing, when we broke up?”

Daniel has always remembered little things like that. Small, tiny, minuscule details that Max could never seem to grasp.

“Nah, mate. I forgot.”

Details. Max was never so good at them.

[withabroken-heart]

I FEEL SO HIGH SCHOOL

shinso x reader

angst, breakup, jealousy, general heartbreak sadness

its been a month since you called it quits, and shinso goes through your instagram late at night.

a/n: keeping tabs on him is what made me feel sane, to be honest. this one is a hugeeee vent and i hope you enjoy <3

a/n: TORTURED POETSSSSSSSS

1:02 am

he knew that realistically, he’d only hurt himself. social media doesn’t snitch on you when you stalk your ex, not unless your stupid or desperate enough to like an old post or hit ‘message’. and he knew you two weren’t talking right now.

it was a messy, messy breakup. to be fair, no breakups are seamless and fair. but yours was beyond just plain messy. feelings were unorganized, old sweaters tossed all over the floor in despair, and both your accounts were completely cleaned out online. he hated deleting his posts for you. but he only did it after he saw you do it first.

shinso was starting to hate his phone. mostly because so much of it was haunted by you. old texts, albums made for you, playlists of your songs together, but there was something about his and your instagram accounts that made it so hard. it was probably because social media is the place to share tidbits of your life- and a year of his life had been with you. but its over now. now what?

he couldn’t sleep tonight. he wanted to hear your voice. he called you twice and no answer. he knew deep down you were asleep, that you didn’t like staying up as late as he did. he wondered if you were dreaming about him.

he missed sleeping with you, so much. he missed getting to snuggle up next to you and drift off in your warmth, begging you to stay in bed with him the next morning. you were always an early riser. even on days you were apart, he missed calling you late at night. he missed falling asleep on the phone with you, not caring how bad it was for his battery life to do so.

he just fucking missed you.

he wondered if you missed him too.

after hearing your voicemail play out, basking in the sound of your voice apologizing for not picking up- knowing that that apology wasn’t meant for him anyway- he clicked instagram. his friends were up and active, spamming texts into the groupchat he was smart enough to mute. he knew they meant well, asking him for the details of your split and offering to spend time with him, but shinso preferred to hurt alone. maybe its because he knew that none of the people that cared about him could be you.

[y/n]_username: smileyy

————————————————————————

xx_yaomomo: CUTEEEE

alienqueen: HAIRCUT REVEAL??

heartz4uraraka: BABYYYY

he scrolled through your posts, looking at the comments your friends left for you. you got your haircut, something that shocked him. you always loved your long hair. you always loved him. thats two things gone.

[y/n]_username: on the edge

————————————————————————

xx_yaomomo: had so much fun w u <3

dkkknari: PHOTO CREDITS RNNN

ejk1rishima: yall [y/n] would not stop slipping 😭

[y/n]_username: @ejk1rishima SHUT UP

he knew his friends were your friends too. it was unfair of him to expect them all to suddenly drop you the way he did, but he never expected it to sting this much.

shinso knew that rooftop. it was the roof of your parents apartment complex. you used to take him and him alone there, claiming it was a spot you only wanted to spend with the people you love. he knew all the little stories, like when you were eight and you threw up over the edge of the building after eating too much ice cream, or when you had your first kiss with him at 2am.

it was a spot just for you two. at least, thats what you told him.

that spot was now filled with other people you loved. he knew it was selfish of him to hope that that place in your heart remains for him and only him, but he also knew it was wrong.

he wanted to be selfish so fucking bad.

[y/n]_username: <3

————————————————————————

shotdrki: beautiful <3

shinso turned off his phone.

he felt a knot form in his chest at the sight. he could put two and two together, seeing you with flowers, your favourite flowers, and someone else calling you what you are. someone that wasn’t him.

shinso knew why he had to end the relationship. he needed to focus on himself, on his hero career and he knew he couldn’t love you under those conditions. it broke his heart knowing he broke yours, knowing this was what he had to do in order for you to be better off.

she deserves better. he thought.

but it also drove him insane thinking about you being with another guy. it drove him crazy wondering who out there was going to be with you. who out there is telling you they love you, who’s holding you and fucking holding your hand.

it just couldn’t be him.

he couldn’t help himself, unlocking his phone and opening your messages. he removed the heart next to your name, only so that when he would call he wouldn’t be tricked into thinking you were still together. god knows he can’t go through that heartbreak again.

[y/n]: i wanna be yours forever

[y/n]: i love you ♥️

shinso felt the memory of your love roll down his cheeks.

[snowy-vee]

Go Go Dancer: Firecracker (One-Shot)

CHECK MY PINNED POST!

DAILY CLICK!!!!

Summary;; You go wild on your 21st birthday and end up faking to be a gogo dancer in your neighbour's party, living a double life for some hours. It seems love at first lap dance with Ellie, but would you, as yourself, be as intresting to her than the dancer she had the opportunity to kiss once? Also, nobody has to know! You have a reputation to mantain... Destiny seems to push you two in the same space, maybe being honest won't be bad or is better to shut up?

n/a: I havent checked for any misspelling, once the work is finished, I will edit everything! I hpe you guys enjoy this one, I'm trying to make it rom-com but I'm a sucker for angst too so I don't promise no sad things... leave a comment if you want to be on the tag list

The hard liquor went down your throat burning it and it kept coming until you started to almost choke. You stopped your friend, Eileen, from pouring more drink.

“Enough, I am supposed to dance, no? I should be able to move in my two feet as a human not a baby giraffe”

“Yeah but you’re so tense, babe! I need you to be on fire tonight, today’s your birthday” She laughed leaving the bottle on the table and going to the mirror to finish her makeup.

Today was your birthday number 21 and you planned on getting wasted even though you would never, but one night was one night, nothing wrong with it, right? You even played dress up as a modern cabaret girl, platinum miniskirt with silver stars, white corset with silver detail, a white wig bob style and a white boa.

Just to make it more spicy, you girls were going to wear a mask too just in case the alcohol made you do wild things, you have to protect your identity. Eileen wore something similar as you but in fucsia, you were kind of jealous you did not think of that colour first but the white was beautiful too.

“Hey, what’s going on on the next door?”

“Oh, finally someone moved there, I think they’re having a little party”

“Are they cute?”

“How would I know? They moved this morning when I was in my birthday brunch with my parents” You shrugged grabbing your bag with you phone, some money, Marlboro golds and a lighter. All a girl needs. “Can we go? The rest of the group is already on the club”

“Whatever, let’s go” She opened the door and started walking towards the elevator. You locked your apartment looking for a moment at your new neighbour’s door, the music was for sure loud and it sounded as if it was full of people.

Once you were out of the building, you knew there was no turning back, you were finally and adult legally and you could do so many things, that you already did but without feeling that you would get caught. The club was on fire that night and of course everyone’s attention were on you and your friends, all of them dress on the theme, it seems as if you were going to give them the show.

The DJ did not missed the whole night, the bottles kept coming and your energy only increased more, you weren’t tired at all! Even when, in the walk back home, you felt feeling a slight pain on your ankle, but you laugh it off together with Eileen ¿Why did you guys decided to walk? Yes, you too were wasted but not that much…

“You’re walking funny” Eileen said behind you laughing as you tried to focus looking inside your bag for the keys “Omg, girl, the party in your neighbour’s house sounds lit, even more then when we left! Let’s go, say hi!”

“Okay, I am not thaaaaat drunk”

“Your mom didn’t teach you some manners, come one!” She went directly to the door and before you could stop her she ring the bell two times. The door opened showing a tall Asian man raising his eyebrows with a big smile.

“Guys! The surprise is here, go hide Ellie. Hi, I’m Jesse, the guy in the phone” He grabbed Eileen’s and your hand and made us go inside “So, I don’t know how this works, is our first time contacting dancers but we asked only for one…”

“It’s a first timers suspire!” Your best friend, who you wanted to kill in the spot, said quickly, as if she was eager to see how longer could you too pull whatever you got yourselves into.

“That’s awesome, dude! Which one of you is going to dance only for Ellie? Firecracker was the nickname, right?”

‘Firecracker? What on the seven kingdoms am I hearing?’ You thought knowing that Eileen was thinking the same because of the shared look, she pushed you a little bit before she said that you were the girl. The man smiled nodding and put an arm on your shoulder leading you to a white door.

“Guys! Firecracker and her friend-”

“Bunnyhoops” It was the first time you talked since you enter the home and it was only to make fun of her as she was doing to you, and her ‘Really?’ facemade it funnieras she smiled to the rest of the group.

“Man, you girls know how to choose cool names. Firecracker will be given the dance to our shy friend, so let’s give them privacy by putting the music at the max. and partying with Bunnyhoops, Woo!” Jesse opened the door and pushed you in the room. You could hear how they were cheering for her to start dance.

You wanted to run out of the situation but at the same time it seemed funny, you had a mask on and a wig, nobody knew you there, and you had a new identity. The room was white with some poster of bands that you kind of knew, a cute speaker with a phone and a playlist ready for you to perform, cool figurines and cool furniture and also a girl in a chair with her eyes covered with a cloth.

“Who’s that? Miss Firecracker” Her voice was soft, it made you think she really was timid and shy but you couldn’t hold the little laugh when she said miss. It didn’t look as if you too were years far apart but who knew? You cleared your throat and played the music which was very sensual.

Your cheeks were burning as you approached her and slowly untied the nod of the fabric revealing her shiny eyes, you had the chance to see her pupils dilating at she checked you out. She was so pretty, almost your type in a woman, you would’ve need to know her personality in order for her to fit completely. Whatever, you were there to do something, you were there to dance, so you backed up to be in front of her.

You used your boa moving it side to side as you moved your hips the same way with a seductive smirk, you thanked being so obsessed with gangsta’s movies cause they always had a scene with some dancer and you used to copy the movements sometimes. Your whole body moves smoothly, making it seem as if you really were working the way you were nailing those movements.

Ellie was enjoying her gift, her red face was enough to let you know. When her friends told them that the gift was about a receiving a lap dance, she thought they were lying and more at here your stage name but you were very real and very alluring to her. Watching your moves where almost hypnotizing and when you came close to her and she felt your fingertips going from her shoulders to her hands, she stopped breathing for a second there.

The boa that was around your body now was on her neck and you softly pulled, making her stand up, she did with no hesitation, her eyes following you as you went behind her “Today is your birthday?”

Your voice was soothing and you tried to make it sound attractive in her ear “No… uh- I’m just- It’s a party to inaugurate my new home and my new job”

She wanted to slapped her tongue for stuttering but as you were now in front of her she couldn’t take her eyes off yours. The music stopped making you both break the eye contact and look at the speaker, you laughed a little bit looking back at her. “I guess that’s my cue to go, I have finished my job or is there anything else you want?”

Where did that confidence came from? ‘Anything Else’? It must’ve been the alcohol in your system talking “Is too much to ask for a kiss?”

“It’s 50 bucks more” In your head it was a joke, ¡God! If she asked you to barked you would do it right now, but for Ellie it wasn’t as she turned around to search for her wallet.

You were going to rob 50 dollar from this poor girl for a kiss, when you would do it for free, you felt guilty but as she grabbed the dollar, came back to you and put it in the middle of your boob, the guilt washed off, even more when her lips finally touched yours. What a soft lips she had, she was kissing you slowly and you did not know where to put your hands, this was not part of the plan in your birthday day but it was like a cherry on top.

She started taking steps making you back until your back touched the wall, both her hands at each side of your face. Finally, your hands found a place around her hips, touching her belt and pulling her closer to you, she let a whimper when both your pelvis collide, oh, what a sweet sound for your ears.

Everything was escalating and it felt right until she touched your mask almost pulling it up “Woah!”

You laughed awkwardly breaking the kiss and grabbing your mask “Oh, I’m sorry, I got a little carried away”

“No, no, don’t worry” You slid sideways to exit the position you were in “It’s time for me to go, I have more uh- performances to do, yeah, that”

Ellie nodded opening the door and letting you pass first, all with an ashamed look on her. On the living room, Eileen was on top of a table being the life of the party and hyping everybody, she saw you and came down.

“Oh! The main attraction has to leave guys”

“Jesse, pay the more so they can stay” a girl whined hugging your best friend, Jesse laughed going to his jacket.

“If I had more money, I would, it was great and I can see on Ellie’s face, she enjoyed too” The rest of the group laughed looking at the auburn girl getting red and red. “Here, trust I will call again for you, girl”

For a moment you wanted to refuse and Eileen must have seen your face cause she grabbed the money and say thank you, turn around and started saying goodbye to everybody, you only waved at them. As you walk towards the exit door, Ellie followed you behind.

“I really liked the gift, I wish you could stay a little bit and maybe finish what we started” She whispered on your ear and you tried hard to not laugh as if you were stupid because of how hot it sounded.

“I wish the same” you whisper too and give her a little kiss on her cheek before closing the door. You see Eileen with your bag search for your keys “What are you doing?!”

You jump snatching her hand and pulling her at the end of the hallway “What? I want to sleep, we’ve partied enough!”

“I know, but we can`t just enter my house, what if Ellie was looking through the peephole? Let’s wait some minutes and then go”

She snorted but stayed there passing you your bag, finally finding the keys to your apartment. Like you said, some minutes later you two were in the house, tired but still managed to take out the make up and change into some pajamas. What an amazing night, you just had a mini double life.

“She was really cute”

“Who?”

“Ellie”

“Who the fuck is Ellie?” Eileen was tired she barely could keep her eyes open as she texted the group that you girls were at home. You shook your head and close your eyes to finally sleep.

˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

Someone was knocking on your door, you could hear it but your body felt heavy and your were too. You yawned looking over your friend’s side, she was very awake and scrolling on social media.

“You have to be joking, you don’t hear the knock on the door?”

“Your house, not mine” She simply said in a monotone tone, you rolled your eyes putting on your house slippers, your silk and some scarf for your messy hair. Before opening the door you looked through the peephole ¡It was Ellie!

‘Fuck, fuck, fuck ¿How do I look? Omg ¿Why is she here? Does she know?’ those were your thoughts as you looked in the mirror, you finally opened smiling ear to ear.

“Oh, hello! I’m Ellie your new neighbour, sorry to wake you up” She had the same shy smile as yesterday when you first saw her, she was wearing a formal clothes, maybe she was on her way to work or something.

“Oh, no, you don’t have to worry, nice to meet you, how are you liking the house?” You tried to sound cool, smooth, like the girl next door you were but internally you were so happy to see her more.

“It’s great, amazing views! I hope me and friends did not disturb your sleep last night”

“I wasn’t in my house last night, it was my birthday, so…”

“Happy belated birthday then! Are we the same age? I’m 21”

“I am two! Wow, that’s amazing, well, do you need anything? I mean, don’t want to sound round but it is pretty early to be doing welcoming door by door”

“Oh yeah! Sorry, I wanted to ask you for a little bit of sugar? I did not had enough time to buy a lot of groceries” She explained showing you a little jar with the word ‘Sugar’ in cursive. You nodded motioning for her to wait a moment.

While you were gone, Ellie was still on the hallway looking the inside of your living room, you had nice windows and a lot of light entered making the paintings looks more vivid, she could see your big TV on the wall facing an amazing brown L form couch and a marble coffee table.

Everything looked pretty expensive for her, but maybe you just had a good hand in bargains. Her house was so simple compared to this, she thought it was nice but now she was thinking of changing some things.

“Here” You came back with a big plastic cup filled with sugar “You can keep it, I put some more just in case you were going to need more”

“Thank you, that is too much but I appreciate it, I’ll see you around?”

“Maybe, we could see each other in the laundry room in the basement”

“We have a laundry room in a basement?” She asked opening her eyes in shock, she had no idea of that. You laughed at her cute reaction and nodded.

“I’ll take you one day, it’s a date”

“A date?” Your smile stop, you needed to think twice before talking “I’ll look forward to it”

She turned around smiling and disappear behind her door, you stood there for some seconds before closing the door and run to your bed, you jump almost on top of Eileen, she screamed pushing you off.

“I think I have a new crush and it’s the prettiest girl in the block!”

“You had a crush on the bus driver last week” She said sitting on the bed and looking at you uninterested, you were a hopeless romantic most of the times, so it was easy for you to fix on someone but let the ‘destiny’ do all the work while you waited for the love to happen.

“Ellie was at the door”

“For what?”

“Some sugar and say hi, and she was wearing this formal outfit that made her look so good but it was long-sleeve so I couldn’t see her tattoo, she has this amazing one-”

“Don’t ever talk to me like that, ew” You had a cheesy tone while talking to her, you pouted an hit her with a pillow “If you really like her, you know you have to talk, right? She can’t read minds, so she won’t know if you want something with her unless to tell her or show her”

“Ugh” You got up from the bed and started walking towards the bathroom “I have to go to work, make breakfast, some sandwich and orange juice for me!”

“I am not your maid!” she said getting up from the bed too and walking out of the room, she was going to make that breakfast for you.

You were so happy, If Ellie appeared in your life again so soon, it meant that destiny wanted you two together. Maybe cupid finally hit you and your soulmate.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for tattling on a guy who was cheating with me?

So for a few weeks I was long-distance sexting this guy. (I am also a man, if it's relevant.) It started off as mostly just a really exciting connection because I wasn't expecting to wind up SO compatible with someone from the site I found him on, either sexually or emotionally. We wound up both having tumblr accounts, incidentally, and started chatting and following each other here. And really quickly our conversations were hitting a balance of like 90% sexual, 10% lowkey romantic, and the latter was increasing by the day. Nothing really overtly serious especially considering how little time passed, but we were also talking almost constantly for several days at a time, and with both of our sexual tastes involving a flavor of tenderness, tbf we were kind of inarguably acting like real lovers. Wake-up texts, goodnight texts, "i love you"s (granted in the context of sexual rp), talking about how we'd cuddle afterward, etc.

Then one day he texts me with a confession to make: that he has a boyfriend, and he was afraid to mention it before but he thinks I should know, and this isn't at all him saying he wants to stop what we're doing bc he's been really happy talking to me. He just doesn't want me to have to find out by any other means about him having a long-term relationship and be surprised, in case the two of us get more serious. He told me that he and his bf are stable together but not sexually compatible anymore and emotionally drifting apart in general, and what we'd been talking about were all the things he was missing from his sex life and whatnot.

I can respect that he wanted me to hear it from his own mouth that he has a pre-existing relationship, but I couldn't respect the fact that he was cheating in the first place. Admittedly I also hated to feel like I was someone's side piece, whatever their reason for wanting one was. Part of it was specifically that at night we'd talk like we were each lonely and needing to be touched meanwhile he actually did have his boyfriend right next to him. It just rubbed me SO wrong.

So after that, for the first time I went out of my way to search his blog and I pretty easily found the account of his bf and I sent him screencaps of the conversation, including the confession. I thought he deserved to know that his partner of 2 years was trying to have an affair.

...And this is where I've been made to feel like maybe I went too far, in fact I've been told by friends specifically that I did go too far, either in including screencaps of that guy specifically detailing his relationship, or in reaching out to his bf at all. But idk, I have a pretty strong reaction to cheating bc I feel it's one of the worst ways you can hurt someone. And in a way I feel cheated on, too? Given the few weeks that I was under the impression I was talking to someone who was single and lonely just like myself rather than partnered and just bored. I expected to get some kind of angry response so I preemptively blocked the guy I'd been sexting and I have no idea what he might have tried to say to me, if anything. AITA?

What are these acronyms?

[yourgentlegirlfriend]

Soul tied

Hi my babies! New series i am writing and i hope you guys like it i’m super excited to see what you guys think!!

DISCLAIMER!! this is 18+ ONLY, please do not interact with my blog if you are underaged or don’t have age indicator in your bio!! thank you!!

Word count: 1,760

————————————————————————

New assignments were constantly draining. Your job was just draining.

Working for the government was never easy and being as young as you are in your field, your work was always downplayed.

Though you always stayed up late doing paperwork, your messy apartment constantly smelled of coffee. You were always waiting for a new assignment but they never gave you anything. You worked your ass off to prove you’re not just some rookie, years and years of training and physical torture but they refuse to send you anywhere.

You were called to Raccoon City during the aftermath, the mask clinging to your face as you glanced across the literal ash that used to be a big corporate ran city. Having to sign off and confirm death reports put you in the biggest depression of your life but you couldn’t argue, it was your job.

The so called victims of it all worked for separate agencies, having to sign off on their paperwork and confirm they were alive wasn’t easy. Jill Valentine went missing for a while, not by choice but she definitely was ridden by trauma and you couldn’t blame the woman. The second day you came by to check on her she had a note posted on the door

“Alive and well, thanks. -J.V”

And that was enough for you. The one person you couldn’t get a hold of.. Leon Kennedy. Calling everybody you could nobody knew where the boy was. You put the phone back down onto your desk, sighing as you looked at his paperwork, he looked young, with puppy dog eyes and scrapes all over. Where could he have run off to? When it was time to turn in everybody’s paperwork, you had put a bunch of them in separate files but of course, Leons was empty and your boss was not happy but what were you supposed to do? Your boss clicked at his pen a few times before he nodded and sighed

“Right.. he’s training”

He mumbled as he scribbled out Leon’s name on his paper, your eyebrows frowned as you laid the papers down. You may have been nosy but oh well, you cleared your throat, his eyes fixating up to you.

“Training for what?”

Your training took you almost four years. Directly out of high school and even getting into the program alone was another year. It made you feel like you were in the wrong profession. Your dad was a cop, your mom a teacher. So by birth you were set up for two jobs, either working for the police department under your fathers legacy or teaching and you were never the smartest in the family and your mom knew that.

When your parents found out you got a job in the government they were more than happy, how could they not be? They didn't know exact details such as you being employed for the DSO, or how you have seen bodies of things you can’t even describe. You were under oath, and you worked your ass off for them.

“Mission training.”

“What?”

You’re kidding.

“He’s new to the agency and he was already assigned a mission that’s not fair-“

“Are we done here? You don’t get to ask questions for now, you're just an assistant.”

The words that shouldn’t have hurt you as badly as they did. It didn’t matter though, maybe he was right.

All the paperwork you stayed up doing for Raccoon City, when you should’ve been sleeping. The heavy bags under your eyes, the tears, the stress and you thought it would never end, and it didn’t.

—————————————————————-

To many years later.

The sound of your air conditioner turning on made your head rise from your pillow. You don’t even remember falling asleep. Your apartment was a mess as it usually was, paperwork scattered all over your desk and your bed barely made.

A yawn leaves your lips as you stretch, rubbing your eyes. Your feet come up off the floor when your skin realizes just how cold the wood tiles are. The rain hits your window making your eyes fixated on the dark window. What time was it?

Your finger presses at your answering machine, 25 missed calls?

“Call me back, where are you?”

“Call me when you can”

“Fuck..”

You mumbled, grabbing your phone off your desk, quickly dialing your work office number. Being immediately transferred made your heart race faster, your boss’ sigh making you bite at your nails.

“You want an assignment so bad? I got one for you, but you can’t bitch to me about it in five months.”

Your eyebrows frowned as a slight smile tugged at your lips, an assignment for you? The line was silent for a few seconds before your voice filled the void.

“Anything.”

—————————————————————

Anything.

You wish you could go back in time and just go back to sleep.

Instead you stood in the doorway of your boss’ office, arms crossing as you stared at the back of the head of some dirty blonde man in a black long sleeve.

A scoff left your lips as you pulled out the chair beside him, sitting down next to the man. Who you have never met in person but god, did he have a reputation.

Leon Scott Kennedy.

The president's lap dog, who has gotten many more assignments than you have even if you’ve been here much longer than him.

Having to sign his reports from his mission in Spain. How the press praised him and his capability to save Ashley Graham. What a joke, as if he did it by himself. Ada Wong's mystery file always lays so perfectly on your desk. Though you did feel for Kennedy, the virus he contracted and what it did to him and his body. Ashley’s testimony made your heart ache because somebody as innocent as her didn’t need to see such things. She said Leon somehow fought his way through it, and so did she.

You didn’t even notice Leon’s gaze, his head tilted down slightly so he could look at your unamused expression. Seeming bitchy was the least of your intentions genuinely, your lips in a thin line as you blinked at your boss who of course had the biggest smile on his face.

“You wanted an assignment? I gave you one.”

His fingers pressed against the paper in front of you and Leon, sliding it closer to the two of you as you glanced down at the picture of Leon shortly after he came back from Spain.. Though healed, the thick black veins ran up his chest and neck.

Leon shifted uncomfortably, his neck cranking to the side. You know so much about the man and you’ve never heard him speak.

“What does this have to do with anything”

His voice was.. gravely almost. Guilt dipping in your chest due to the fact that you had judged him so deeply.

“A group knows information regarding the virus. A group in New York. Kennedy and you will be escorted. We want information.”

Thankfully Leon was as confused as you were, your eyes finally meeting. He looked exhausted, the bags under his eyes barely hiding the fact that his hair was messy. He was probably so done with all of this.. your head started to fill with thoughts of his Raccoon City file. Your boss words we’re being blurred by your thoughts, your vision coming back into focus.

“Husband and wife”

“What?”

The words leave your lips in a laugh almost, your eyes darting back up to your boss as you scoffed.

“Sorry, I didn’t go through years of training to play house.”

Maybe this was your sign that you weren’t ready for a mission, a commitment so big, your eyes looking down into your lap as he went over the details. A ringing in your ears as you swallowed the lump in your throat, maybe Leon was just more capable. He was stronger, smarter, he obviously had more experience.

The door slamming behind you made you flinch, your attention back to the paperwork in front of you. The sound of Leon scribbling away on the paper filling the room as your shaking hand reached for a pen on the desk.

—————————————————————-

“Here.”

Your head was turned away from the man, staring out the plane window as he sat across from you. The two of you barely spoke, the car ride here and everything. Your eyes ran over his frame before you saw the ring in his hand. The whole situation made you uncomfortable, you’ve never met Leon and now you had to pretend to be his wife. You leaned forward grabbing the ring before slipping it in your finger, your legs crossing again as your eyes shot down to his left hand to see the silver band on his finger as well.

So you were really doing this? Your mission was simple. Get the sample. The facility you’re being transferred to was under the impression that you and Leon were ex umbrella scientists. The two of you have been married since you were twenty. The plan has to be flawed, you had no chemistry.

It would be a lie to say he wasn’t handsome though. It honestly left you shocked that he had grown so much from Raccoon city, it’s like he had a second puberty almost. He must’ve seen you staring, his head turning to you causing you to look down at the ring on your finger, nervously fiddling with it as Leon cleared his throat.

“Don’t be nervous, people can tell when another person is scared.”

Leon spoke as you let your shoulders loosen, cracking your knuckles as the soft chiming of the plane getting ready to land rang through your ears. You two did look expensive, Leon dressed in a black suit, his hands pushing forward a bit so he can adjust the cuffs on his wrist as he stood up from his seat. His hand extends out to you, his jaw tightening as the sigh leaves your lips and you stand holding at his arm. You both made sure your rings were on display, your fingers carefully holding at his upper arm as the two of you stood in front of the opening door.

This was going to be more than difficult. Especially with Kennedy.

[damon-loves-pie]

Very First Date.

Pairing: Steve Harrington x female reader.

Word count: About 5.1k words. 

Warnings: 18+, Reader has a bad date with another guy who kept making sexual advances towards her.(Nothing detailed though.), Steve talks slightly about a fight with his father, reader mentions not having a good relationship with hers either for a moment. (Nothing really descriptive here either.) Other than that, its mostly a FLUFFYYYY PIECE. 

I DID IGNORE THE LAYOUT OF STEVE’S ROOF FOR THE ENDING BECAUSE I WANTED THEM TO LOOK AT STARS. 

Summary:  Steve and the reader are best friends after having worked at Scoops together. Reader went out on a date with a guy which ended horribly and found herself at Steve’s to tell him about it and complain about how she hadn’t had a good date in months. Steve takes matters into his own hands since he’s into the reader and takes her out for a night wanting to remind her how she should be treated by a guy. 

Author’s note: THIS IS MY FIRST STEVE HARRINGTON IMAGINE I HAVE FULLY FINISHED! Usually I would stop halfway through, worried they weren’t going to fit the image I had created in my head. I am feeling a lot better tonight, after having been in the ER the other night. And I’m surprised to be sharing something around 8pm instead of 2 am. 

I did proofread but I’m sorry if I missed something, this was overall just a fluffy imagine I did because I saw a great Steve edit on Tiktok. 

PLEASE CLICK ON MY ACCOUNT AND CHECKOUT MY OTHER WORK, I mostly write for Eddie and can’t add my writing masterlist because I’ve been having issues with being shadow banned. 

But enjoy! 

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Steve was having a horrible night.

His first Friday off in three weeks and he was at home moping alone.

First off you were out on a date with another guy. Not like it actually matters that it bothered him, because you two were just friends and that was it.

But on top of that, Robin canceled on him because Vickie asked her if she was free.

Which don't get him wrong, he was happy for his friend. But fuck did he not want to be alone tonight.

He thought about calling up Linda or Heidi, in the end deciding against it. He was tired of flings that weren't going anywhere.

Little did Steve know though, you were having as bad of night.

The date you were on had to be one of the worst you have ever been on.

You didn't even last past thirty minutes into it.

You told the boy you were heading to the ladies' room and snuck off quickly paying for a meal that wasn't even out yet before leaving.

Driving towards the Harrington home, you were ready to complain to your friends about how horrible another date went.

You felt defeated, like you were done with men.

Partially because the fact most of them were animals, and also just because they weren't the one you wanted anyway.

You wanted the boy who you were heading towards, the boy who felt like home to you when you needed someone to make you feel better.

You wanted Steve Harrington.

But you knew your friendship meant too much to you to even think about ruining it over some stupid feelings you had, so you kept them buried.

Opening the unlocked door you yell out into the home, trying to pinpoint where the two were.

"Steve? Robin?" You ask, closing the door behind you quietly hoping to not scare either of them.

From the kitchen Steve heard your voice, confused as he spread the mayo over the bread of the sandwich he was making.

"(Y/N)?" He questions, because he thought you would be on your date right now.

Steve felt his heart start beating faster as he realized you were here and not on your date, mind racing with different answers to why that might be.

Taking off your shoes and bag you respond to the boy by answering a loud,

"Yes," before leaving your items by the door.

Steve hears your muffled voice through the wall, smiling to himself. He was happy to know maybe he wouldn't be alone tonight. Even if it was just a friend, who he wish would be more.

But it still felt like a win because you were here instead of with some other guy.

"Kitchen." Steve tells you, hearing your steps coming through the hallway into the big kitchen.

You walk in to see him making a single sandwich, not sandwiches, just a sandwich.

"Is that what you're having for dinner?" You laugh confused on how that was going to fill him up. Hopping your body up, you take a seat on the counter behind him.

Steve shrugs, a light blush creeping on his face because he really wasn't expecting to see anyone tonight.

He was down and wanted something simple that didn't take much effort.

"I don't feel like making anything else." Steve says, finishing his meal.  

You giggle lightly as the boy turns around, sandwich small in his big hands. His face still a little red as he took a bite.

"You're going to be hungry again in like an hour." You tell him playfully, watching his eyes twinkle when they meet yours.

Chewing, he took in your outfit.

You were wearing a light pink plaid skirt with a low cut black top.

You looked beautiful to him, the sound of your giggling through the air making him nervous.

Steve shakes the feeling off before shrugging.

"Then I'll order take out." He tells you, chucking slightly before taking another bite.

You nod, understanding. Your eyes roamed around the room to see if you could find any remnants of Robin around.

Not seeing anything you turn your stare back towards him.

"Where's Robin?" You ask him, frowning slightly because you thought they were both off tonight.

You see Steve's body soften a little bit at your question.

"She canceled on me, Vickie asked to see her. Which good for her actually, one of us deserved to have a fun night." Steve answers, taking the last bite of his sandwich.

Steve's heart pound as he brought his eyes back up to yours.

"Are you supposed to be on a date?" He asks you, praying it was canceled and you hadn't gone.

Your body tensed while a sigh slipped your lips, yours legs automatically kicking back and forth slightly.

"That's why I'm here. I wanted to tell both of you how horrible it was, and when I say horrible Steve, I mean horrible." You tell him, shivering at the thought of earlier.

Steve's head popped up a little bit as he tried to not look excited about the fact your date hadn't gone well.

While he was happy for that, he was also wondering what could of made it so bad.

He questioned if maybe he would have to go kick the guy's ass.

"I thought you were out with that one guy from science club? Um, Jackson or whatever." Steve says, smirking internally because he knew the guy's name. But didn't want to seem like he was that important to him.

It's not like he hadn't been questioning the last few days, multiple different times, what that guy had that he didn't.

Meeting your eyes with Steve's, you tap your fingers nervously on the counter.

"Jacob, his name was Jacob." You tell him, watching him nod.

"And I had gone on the date, but god I didn't expect it to go so bad so fast." You finish, cringing as you see Steve's brow crinkle.

"What do you mean?" Steve asks you, arms crossing his chest.

Your body langue continues to be anxious, your feet still swinging as you tilt your head back before taking a deep breath.

"I mean literally not even fifteen minutes into the date he was trying to feel up my skirt. Not to mention all the sexual advances he kept making and nasty things he was saying. The whole situation just made me uncomfortable." You tell him honestly, seeing Steve grimace.

He didn't want you to go out with anyone else, but you didn't deserve that to happen.

"He always seemed so um." Steve speaks, snapping his fingers for the word.

"Innocent?" You finish, watching him nod in agreement.

"That's the word." He says, pointing out a finger.

"That's why I agreed to go out with him, I thought maybe this one wouldn't be a pervert so fast in. Not that I'm even against sleeping with someone on the first date, but fuck at least let us get through dinner." You groan, eyes rolling.

"Did you get through dinner?" He asks while you shake your head.

"No, I told him I had to go to the bathroom then went to the register to pay, leaving to come here. Didn't touch my food or anything since it wasn't out yet." You say truthfully, you didn't want to risk waiting a second longer there.

Steve rolls his eyes playfully.

"You should of left him to pay for it." Steve chuckles, lifting his gaze to yours a smile on his mouth.

"I should of, but I just wanted out of there." You shake your your head, laughing lightly.

"I just want one good date, I legit haven't been a good first date in months." You sigh, looking down at your feet.

Steve sits there for a second staring at you, idea sparking in his head.

You were dressed for a date still, and he was dressed since he was originally supposed to hang out with Robin.

"Are you hungry?" He asks, raising an eyebrow, leaning his head back slightly.  

"What?" You ask him, bringing your gaze to his.

"Are you hungry? Because you're right that sandwich didn't do anything." Steve shrugs, trying to be nonchalant.

You purse yours lips together for a moment.

"I could eat." You nod, watching him lean off the counter.

Steve smiles, nodding.

"Then lets go." He motions, holding his hand out to you.

Raising an eyebrow you take his hand, getting off the counter.

"Go where?" You ask, fixing your skirt.

You were confused on what Steve was doing, we're you two going to go out to eat? Get take out and come back here? What was on his mind, you wondered.

"Let's go show you that there are still good first dates in the world." Steve says seriously, grabbing his keys off the counter.

He decided even if he couldn't officially take you out without admitting his feelings,  he could still show you what it's like. Friends show friends a good time right?

You freeze in place, wondering if you were dreaming.

"First date?" You squeak as he laughs, turning back towards you.

"Yes, date. Come on, friends can take each other out." He smiles at you.

"Now let me show you that even though you will have some bad dates, there will be good ones waiting for you." He finishes, motioning to the front door.

Standing there you see him standing tall, muscles sticking out of his blue stripped shirt while he held the door open for you.

It wouldn't hurt to let him show you a good time you thought.

After all friends can have friend dates, right?

"I guess I'm still dressed for it." You agree, following him as he goes to lock the front door behind you two.

Steve felt himself stumbling slightly to find the key before leading you to the car.

After all he had to make it seem like this wasn't as big of deal to him as it really was.

"Just sit back and enjoy the night because you're right, I have only heard you talk about how bad your dates have been lately. And you deserve a good one." Steve tells you, opening the passenger door for you to get in.

A blush comes across your cheeks while you take a seat.

"Already starting huh?" You tease, smile on your lips.

"Like I said, I'm going to show you a good first date." He smiles, closing the door behind you.

Steve starts driving, eventually pulling into a gas station down the road.

He didn't really need gas for what he had planned, but he needed an excuse to stop to get you something he would get you if he was taking you on a real first date.

"I need to get some gas before we go anywhere." Steve says, hopping out of the car leaving you to wait nervously.

You sat there, hand tapping on your thigh, wondering where tonight was going to take you two.

You've liked him for the past couple of years since working together at Scoops, not that you didn't think he was cute before that.

Just you guys never really spoke before in high school other than some small talk here and there.

You wondered if maybe you should stop this, not wanting to confuse yourself too much by not being able to keep a straight head after this.

You didn't want to lose him over a silly crush.

But you couldn't help but wonder if you should let it play through, because it could possibly be the closest thing you'll get to a real date with Steve Harrington.

Turning your head back towards the opening gas station door, out comes a smiling Steve with an arm behind his back.  

Still smiling he opens the car door, leaning in.

Steve watched your face turn awestruck as he brought his arm around, a single red rose for you in his hands.

He tucks a piece of his hair behind his ear nervously after you take the flower from his hand.

You fingers lightly running over the petals delicately.

"Normally I would of got you flowers before hand, but this date caught me off guard." Steve chuckles, seeing you smile softly.

"Steve, you didn't have t-" You start, getting cut off by the boy protesting you to let the night just happen.

"(Y/N), like I said just sit back and relax and just enjoy the night. That way you'll remember to not settle for anyone's shit during another date you'll have." He tells you, getting out to pump the gas he bought.

Twirling the flower in your hand, you were a giddy mess.

Not even into the actual so called date yet, and it was already one of the best dates you've had.

No one had ever given you flowers on a date.

You've gotten some for a few holidays, after begging for them of course. But you had never experienced anyone willingly wanting to give you something so simple but so special.

Shaking off the butterflies in your stomach, you turn towards Steve after he gets back into the car.

"Thank you for this Steve." You tell him honestly, seeing his eyes glimmer as he starts the car.

Steve's heart exploded at how happy you were about the flower.

He would buy you all the flowers in the world if it meant to see you with that look on your face the rest of his life.

He couldn't wait for the rest of the night, knowing if you enjoyed this then you were going to have a great time tonight.

"Just wait till you see the rest of the date." Steve winks teasingly through the rearview mirror, pulling out of the gas station.

The drive was quiet besides the light humming from Steve as he listened to the music playing through the radio.

Both of you were as nervous as the other, unknowingly of course.

Steve drove out into a small town, smaller than Hawkins, about 20 minutes out.

He pulled into a little ma and pa pizzeria, the red glowing lights shining in the night as you took in the little brick building.

Steve was a gentleman as always, demanding to open the car door for you, which you gladly accepted.

You decided you were going to let yourself enjoy every minute of this, because deep down you hoped maybe he would enjoy it as much as you.

He lead you inside, both of you picking a small little booth in the corner as you waited for a waitress to arrive.

The place was small but cute.

All of the booths were hardwood with white and black checkered floor tiles underneath.

The walls were hardwood as well, red checkered table cloths giving the place a much needed pop of color.

There was even cute hanging lights above each table, giving them all a personal romantic glow.

Bringing your eyes to Steve, you smile.

"How often do you come here?" You ask him softly.

Taken aback a bit, Steve feels nervous wondering if you meant if he brough other dates here.

He wouldn't ever dare to bring anyone else here, besides Robin maybe. But other than that, no one was important enough to bring here other than you.

"By myself? Probably once a week, with anyone else? Never." Steve says honestly, watching your eyes widen a bit.

"Really? How did you find this place then?" You ask him, leaning your chin onto your hand.

Steve nods, taking a look at his hands before picking his arm to rest it on the table.

"It happened a few weeks after graduation actually." He tells you, not wanting to make eye contact.

"I uh had got in a really bad fight with my father about my future, or well lack there of according to him. And I took one of his many checkbooks, thinking about signing me a fat check and just leaving. I started to drive, not really caring about anything just being fueled by anger and ended up stopping here to breathe. Now the rest is history, and I've been coming here ever since." Steve explains, playing with his hands nervously.

He had never told anyone about that night.

Your heart aches for him, not having a good relationship with your parents either.

Not always seeing eye to eye on your future as well.  

"Tell me you at least used his checkbook to buy your dinner that night?" You ask him, placing your hand on his.  

Steve chuckles, bringing his eyes to yours.

"No, but I should have. It would of been the least he could do." Steve smiles, while you give him a light squeeze.

"Why didn't you ever tell me about that?" You say quietly,  intertwining your hand with his.

"I think because until recently, I actually thought he was right." He says honestly, both of your hearts beating fast from the electricity running between your fingers.

You could swear if you let go then lightning would hit the lamp above you.

"Steve your father wasn't right at all, and I'm happy you didn't leave because if you would have then we wouldn't be here, and I can't stand the thought that you might not have came into my life." You tell him truthfully.

If he would of left, you would of been working at Scoops with who knows instead of Steve.

That summer set the path to where you two were today.

"Really?" He asks as you nod.

"Really." You smile, seeing your waitress approaching from the side.

Reviewing the menu took forever for both of you, Steve said everything he had tried previously had been great. And on top of that it was kind of late with it being about 7:30 when you arrived, and both of you not having really ate much earlier didn't help when deciding what to order.

But you two settled on a plate of mozzarella sticks to start with and a medium house special to share with extra green peppers.

The conversation over dinner was alive, no small talk having to happen at all since you two knew each other so well. There were no awkward pauses or laughs, it was fun and energetic.

It was a great change of pace for both of you, since both of you had been on dates that were more than less boring lately.

You two were laughing loudly as you walked out of the restaurant.

The leftover pizza box hugged against your chest while Steve opened your door for you again.

"Steve thank you for sharing this place with me and what it means to you. It was truly one of the better dates I've been on." You tell him as he takes a seat.

Mentally high-fiving himself, he was happy to know you enjoyed what he had planned so far.

But was lowkey hurt you thought that this was all to his date with you.

He looks over, pouting jokingly with a hand over his heart.

"Why are you talking like it's over? We still have more to do till it's done." Steve says, glimmer in his eyes.

"What do you mean there's more?" You ask him, hint of curiosity in your voice, watching the car back out of the parking lot.  

"I mean, I don't only come here for the pizza. There's also an awesome ice cream parlor down the road that has the best malts. Which I know you love right?" He asks, already knowing the answer because you go to the ice cream shop in town every payday of yours.

"You're right, I do love a good butterscotch malt." You laugh, seeing a smile form on his face.

"Yeah so just let me do my thing and make sure you have a fun night okay? I hate to say it but you will probably be getting home late tonight because it's already almost nine." He nods, finger pointing over to the clock on the dash.

"You trying to get me to the spend the night Harrington?"  You joke teasingly, turning your body so your crossed legs were facing him.

He was right, your mom locked the door at ten because she had to be up by four am and didn't want to be awakened by the door slamming.

If you weren't home by then it was up to you to find a place to stay, especially since you got your key privileges taken away years ago because you kept losing them.

Your mom is convinced someone who finds the silver key will somehow know it belonged to your front door.  

"Hey, then it was a good first date." He says playfully, pulling into the gravel drive of what you guessed to be the ice cream shop.

"But yes, more than likely by the time we get home your mom will have the door locked. So you will probably have to crash at mine." Steve tells you truthfully, opening the door to get out of the car.

After looking over the menu you ended up ordering what you and Steve already knew you were going to, a butterscotch malt.

The girl at the window handed you two your malts before you sat down at one of the tables outside.

"So did you find this place the night you found the pizzeria?" You ask him, bringing the straw to your mouth.  

"Uh no actually, I found this a few months later. I came out here to eat one night but decided I still didn't feel like going home so I went exploring the town a little more." He tells you, watching your eyes roll back as you taste the ice cream.

"You've been holding out on me Harrington, you've been coming here for a little over a year and didn't think to tell me their malts are better than ours?" You laugh, pointing your straw at him.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry." He chuckles, hands and malt going to the air defensively.  

"So I am really the first girl you brought out here?" You ask teasingly, brow raised.

"You are." He nods, pulling his straw away from his lips.

"I didn't want to take you on any other date I would take anyone else. Especially since I do know you, and know what you like so it's a little easier for me to think of something you would enjoy." Steve says honestly, seeing you blush lightly.

"Steve that is honestly so sweet, and you really don't know how much that means to me." You tell him, watching him stand up.

"Which is why I have one more thing to share with you before the end of this date." He smiles, taking your hand into his to follow him.

"What is it?" You ask him, feeling your heart beat as you talk quietly towards his car.

The feeling of your fingers intertwined for the second time that night, making you want to pass out.

"I didn't tell you anything else we were doing, why do you think I'll tell you now?." Steve chuckles, lifting his face slightly as he bumps his shoulder with yours.

"You're right," you agree while he sets his malt on top of the car so he can open the door.

Both of your fingers lingering when it comes time to let go.

The car ride home felt heavy with tension while you two wondered if you were imagining the tension in the air.

Steve wanted so badly to rest his hand on your thigh, and have you place your hand on top of his to hold him while you two drove back home.

But he wasn't sure if he would be crossing a line.

So he just longed for the feeling of your skin pressed against his.

Driving through Hawkins you glanced over at Steve, confused when his house came into view.

"Just trust me." He tells you, parking the vehicle.

Steve walks past you when you're inside, placing the pizza box on the counter along with the empty malt cups before motioning for you to follow him up the stairs.

Walking up to the hallway of his bedroom, you felt yourself get shaky.

He wasn't trying to get you in bed right?

Not that you would hate to do that, you thought.

But just you thought he would put more effort into it if this was really his goal.

"Steve?" You ask him, slowing your movements behind him.

Steve turns halfway back to see you glancing between him and his bedroom.

"Oh, no no no. It's not like that (Y/N), just keep following me." He chuckles, shaking his head.

He stops at the hallway window, messing around with the screen before it pops off.

"Come on," Steve tells you, placing the screen against the wall before climbing through.

Peering out you felt your heart beat fast as you climbed out onto the flat park of the roof to see Steve leaning back on the tiled roof by the window. Taking a seat next to him you lay down, arms behind your head looking at the stars above.

You two were towards the back of the house, the trees and pool surrounding you.

The reflection of the moonlight bounced off the pool, it was all dark besides the dimmed lights under the water of the pool.

It was peaceful out here, breathing in the fresh air.

"I would come out here during high school to just think sometimes." Steve shares, glancing over.

"It's beautiful, I would of too." You nod, happy he shown you more about him today.

"Well you can come whenever you need, bad date? Come here. Bad day in general? Come here." He shrugs slightly, sighing to himself as he realized the date was soon coming to an end.

"I might take you up on it sometime." You tell him, sitting up to glance down at the pool.

"You know where the spare is, and that my door is always open to you." Steve chuckles, sitting up.

"Is this the last part of the date?" You ask him, bringing your gaze back up to meet his.

"Yeah." Steve nods.

"How about I add something and we go for a swim?" You suggest, tilting your head towards the pool, seeing him raise an eyebrow.

"Are you wanting to go for a swim?" He asks you.

"Yeah, why not? It's a nice night." You shrug, smirking slightly.

"You don't have a swimsuit." Steve reminds you.

"So what? Literally I feel like a bikini is the same thing as my bra and underwear, just different materials." You laugh, standing up to go inside down to the pool.

Pulling off your shirt, you glance down at him.

"You coming?" You ask, seeing him get flustered.

"Ye-yeah" Steve stutters, standing up.

You were right he thought, it wasn't much different besides the materials.

Both of you make it down to the pool, kicking off your shoes before you let your skirt and shirt fall onto the cement.

"Meet you in there Harrington?" You smile, running to jump into the pool.

The water surrounded you as you submerged beneath. Your fingers keeping the air trapped in your lungs while they plugged your nose.

A gasp escapes your lips when you come back to the surface.

Steve was standing there with his shoes and jeans off, nervous about getting it to the water.

"Come on take off your shirt Harrington and get in the water."  You call out teasingly.

"I'm coming, I'm coming." He laughs, reaching to pull the shirt off from behind his neck.

You start whistling and hollering as his torso becomes revealed, Steve's face turning red for the millionth time that night.

"You're been working out Steve." You tease, watching him jump into the water.

His tall frame disappearing into the water before coming back up.

"Is that way of you saying I look good?" Steve chuckles, shaking his hair like a dog, causing you to squeal from the water hitting you.

"Well duh, I have eyes. I'm not blind." You laugh watching him splash towards you.

Moving quickly, you scream at the cold water hitting your back.

"Hey, hey, hey. I said let's swim, not splash." You screech, trying to swim away.

"I think you're forgetting you're in the water with a guy who was on the swim team." He laughs, following while he splashes you more.

"Steve, stop." You laugh, turning back to splash him.  

The sounds of both of you laughing and the water moving echoes into the open air.

"Never." He jokes, going to grab your arm.

"Steve don't you dare dunk me." You scream, feeling him overpower you while he pulls you close.

The feeling of his strong arms wrapped around you distracted you as he pulls you down with him in the water before bringing both of you back to the surface.

"God I hate you Harrington." You laugh, wiping the chorine filled water off your eyes.

"No you don't." Steve smiles, arms still wrapped around you.

"Steve, don't please." You scream again, feeling him spin with you in temptation while your arms automatically wrapped around his neck in fear.

"Okay, I won't. But did you at least have fun tonight?" Steve smiles, arms still holding you as he moves in the water.

"I did. Actually, I think it was the best first date I've ever been on." You say honestly, looking up to his eyes. His wet hair framing his face as his grin widens.

"You really think so?" He asks, looking down at you.

"I do." You nod nervously, feeling your back hit the wall of the pool making you realize you were still really close together.

"I wish it could of been like an actual first date though." You laugh shyly,  one of your hands moving to rest on his chest while the other lingers on around his neck to play with his hair lightly between your fingers.

"Do you want to consider it an actual date?" Steve asks, chest moving harshly up and down under your finger tips.

"Would it be alright if I did?" You ask, biting your lip slightly.

"As long as you would let me take you out again," He smiles, his eyes twinkling while the water droplets rolled down his chest.

"On a date date right?" You ask, smirk forming.

"If I'm being honest, I was treating this as a date date." He tells you.  

"I've liked you for a while (Y/N), but I was nervous about asking you out so I thought this was the only way it would happen." Steve continues honestly, picking you up a little higher.

"I've liked you for a while too Harington, and actually thought the same thing about this date. When you offered I thought this may be my only chance to get taken out by you." You smile, wrapping your legs tighter around him.

"Well how about we make up for lost time starting tomorrow with breakfast?" He asks, bringing his face down closer to yours.

"That works for me." You tell him, grinning into the kiss as your lips connect with his.

----- 

Thank you for reading!  

[jasntodds]

Petrichor [11]

Pairing: Jason Todd x Fem!Powered!Reader (little bit of fwb)

Words: 19,142

Chapter Warnings: Swearing, angst, canon drug use, canon violence, blood, bruises, manipulation, canon manipulation, canon character death, mentions of the wolf story from the cabin (it's not detailed like in the show), mentions of PTSD (canon), mentions of abuse

Summary: ❝Pylades: I’ll take care of you. Orestes: It’s rotten work. Pylades: Not to me. Not if it’s you.❞

Gotham is home, not just for Jason but for you, too. And now that you’re both finally back home, together, you’re ready to see where this next chapter brings the two of you. He’s your best friend and you’re his. And you both might want a little something more with being back home, the place you both feel most comfortable. Surely, nothing could possibly go wrong now.

A/N: Fun fact: Scarecrow is actually my second favorite Batman villain (second to the Riddler of course) so I had fun writing Crane a little bit lol I am so sorry this is so late. I ended up busy for once so lol but it is a long chapter to make up for it!! You can add yourself to the tag list below, ask me to be tagged, or you can follow my library blog @jasntoddslibrary  and turn on notifications if you prefer that!! I love feedback, I swear it keeps me posting on a weekly basis 😭

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You come to half an hour later, your eyes peeking open slowly. Your head is in a haze like when a sudden nap happens and you wake up confused what day it is and how long you've been asleep. Your eyes scan around, spotting Jason sitting on the floor a few feet away from you cleaning one of his guns. He's still in the Red Hood suit with his helmet off to the side and there's a blotch of light red on his jaw, right where your fist connected with his face. And the guilt hits like a freight train. You clear your throat making Jason look up to you and you think you just saw his face relax.

“What the fuck just happened?” Your throat is raw and you can't tell if that's some weird after-effect of the drug or if it's from all the yelling.

Maybe it's both.

Jason looks up to you and his stomach starts to twist into knots. The guilt is dulled but it's that echo that's annoying, like a headache that just won't quit. He's been sitting here the entire time, looking to you to make sure you're okay and wondering what he's supposed to say when you come to. He wishes he knew but he doesn't.

He can't take back what he said and he can't back you fighting. Drug or not, it never should have happened. None of it. It never should have involved you. But, now it's messier than ever and Jason desperately wants to leave it all in the shadows and creaky floorboards of this room. He doesn't want it on his shoulders or lingering on his skin or his tongue anymore. But, maybe he doesn't want you to know that just yet.

He's high but he always cares about you. And maybe, letting himself be cold about everything will be better. Maybe you'll finally leave. It'd be better for you if you did anyway.

“Exhaustion is a side effect of the comedown. The only way around it is to sleep or take more and I wasn’t gonna give you mine.” Jason states casually, going back to cleaning.

You furrow your brows. You keep coming back to wondering how you missed him taking this. It all seems so obvious and you feel so guilty about it. Maybe you were so wrapped in the sort of fantasy of being happy, with him, that you willfully ignored every warning sign. That isn't entirely true. You knew something was going on, but maybe if you looked harder, went back to your pessimism, you wouldn't have missed it.

“So, you just…let me sleep? After that?” You scoff, trying desperately to figure out which side his logic is landing at the moment.

“Cleaned the cut on your head and made sure you were fine.” Jason shrugs, his eyes glancing to you for just a second.

As soon as Jason got Hank done and into a cab back to Wayne Manor, he cleaned the blood and cut off of you. He definitely followed it with another hit from an inhaler but he helped you anyway. At the end of the day, at the end of all of this, he just wants you to be safe. Crane might be trying to fill his head with lies and it might be working, but Jason knows in the very center of his chest, you don’t deserve anything bad to happen to you ever again. You might not be entirely on the same side, but Jason isn’t going to just throw you to the side. He won’t do it. It's why he pulled his punches and he never pulls his punches.

“What about Hank?” You ask softly, your eyes never leaving him.

You're pretty sure he's still high.

Jason pulls out his phone, checking the time. “He has a few hours.”

You roll your eyes. Now that you aren’t high on the drug, your thoughts are more logical, no longer fueled by anger. You watch Jason and you remember Hank saying he’d kill Jason if given the chance. It’s not that you agree with Jason killing him, but maybe it’s kill or be killed.

“Why Hank? Like what made you do that?” You question, earning a side eye from Jason. He doesn't want you involved in any of this which also means you don't get to know the reason. Not from his mouth. “Okay, you’re not gonna put a bomb in my chest. Gar is your friend. You don’t stand a chance against Kory or Conner. Dawn is Dawn. You like to fuck with Dick. That leaves Hank, right?”

Jason offers you a grin before he chuckles. “He’s also a fucking prick and you know it.” Jason gestures a lazy free hand at you and something about the grin and the gesture, almost seems normal.

You shake off the familiarity of it because at the end of the day, you don't think Hank deserves to die, not if he didn't come here with the intent to kill Jason. “Yeah….but what? Did you lure him here or?”

Jason can tell you're digging but he can't tell for what. His reasoning why Hank and how he got him here, isn't important. It's not even relevant to really anything. But, Jason knows you and he's starting to think maybe you're digging to see if you should be on his side. That's what you usually did for things that didn't really matter. Get his side of the story so you can side with him.

“Why do you wanna know so damn bad?”

“I wanna know how mad I need to be.” Your shoulders feel heavy with the shrug.

Jason scoffs and even if he doesn't want you involved, he wants you on his side. If you're on his side, you'll back off and let the plan fall into place. “I didn’t make him come. I asked to and he did, without backup.”

“How’d you get him to show up, Jason?” You almost groan because getting answers out of him sometimes is like pulling teeth.

“Said Dick would kill me and I just wanted to come home.” Jason can't help the chuckle that falls from his throat.

Something about it is amusing.

You nod your head and maybe you feel a little less bad. You know Jason had some sort of ploy to get him here. Hank was just dumb enough to fall for it. After everything, apparently, he didn’t learn not to go headfirst into something without backup. That was just stupid. But, that also makes you question Hank’s intentions.

You don’t believe for even one second Hank showed up alone with the intention to help Jason. He was pissed earlier and he’s an ass. If Hank told any of the Titans, they would have come with him and none of them wanted Jason dead. Maybe Jason told Hank he was watching him but you figure if anyone would know how to get around being watched in Gotham, it would have been you or Dick. Yet, Hank didn't go to either of you. On top of that, why would Jason call Hank if he wanted to come home and not you or Gar? Maybe Hank wanted to be the one to either kill Jason or bring him down himself. Maybe you feel a little less bad about it.

Kill or be killed.

“Asshole.” You huff.

You watch Jason carefully, an easy smirk dancing across his lips but it never reaches his eyes. You're sober now, remembering everything that happened and you can feel the guilt washing over your insides like charcoal. None of it is true. And you hate that any of it was even said. If you didn’t mean it, neither did Jason. It was the drug and you're positive of that. And you're thinking the drug is the entire reason Jason is trying to kill Hank.

A very large part of you is wondering if you would helped Jason had you not been so mad at him. You actually think you would have and that is something you would never do. Hank is a Titan and he didn’t do anything to warrant his death sentence. You wouldn’t normally kill him but you're almost positive you would have had you not been mad at Jason. And you think, maybe that’s the reason Crane helped Jason make the drug, to weaponize him and at this moment, you swear his days are numbered. But, before you seek your revenge, you want Jason back.

Getting him back is going to be a lot more difficult because even you're sitting here itching for another hit of an inhaler. You can’t imagine how Jason is feeling the second it starts to wear off. But you want him back and you're not going to rest until you get him back.

“He probably came to kill you.” You state.

Jason snaps his attention to you, his brows furrowing. “What?” Jason huffs.

“Yeah, Titans are pissed. Well, Hank. Everyone else is just confused how the hell you’re alive and with the shit you’re doing. But Hank said if he came to it, he’d kill you so.” You let out a breath and you swear his expression just deflated.

“And you fucking fought me over that shit?”

“I was high.” You huff. “Which you know damn well if it weren’t for that shit you’re also on, by the way, I never would have. But you get the cure to fear and you lie to me and you don’t even share.” You spit back while Jason dodges your eyes this time, going back to cleaning the gun you think has to be clean by now.

“I don’t want you involved.”

“Okay.” You let out a sigh. "Why not?" You ask, Jason glancing up to you, the white strands of hair falling onto his forehead. "Is it Crane or is it me? Is it the drug? Why don't you want me involved, Jay? Because you keep fucking saying that shit with no explanation."

Jason opens his mouth to fight back, to tell you to let it rest and he doesn't have to tell you anything. But, his eyes land on the cut on your forehead and the bruising near your cheek and he caves.

"Do you really want to work with Jonathan fucking Crane?" Jason spits, his eyes narrowing slightly.

"You never gave me the choice to." You state.

"I knew you wouldn't go for it." Jason shrugs, looking back to the gun because that seems a lot easier than looking at your face now.

"Okay." You let out a sigh of defeat.

There’s no point in talking about it. He’s clearly high. You can tell by the coldness that surrounds his voice. He’s going to believe whatever Crane has to say to him because that’s the drug, you're almost certain. And Crane gave him something to cure him. Jason's in debt to him. He sees him as a savior of sorts and you desperately wish you could get through to him. But at least you understand it now.

A part of you don’t think anything could have gotten through to you while you were high. It’s powerful and strong, all-consuming. You were only high for two hours and you hate that version of yourself but there is this twitch through your bones that almost wants to ask Jason for his. It’s like a sudden vibration starting in your bone marrow and radiating through your head and your chest. And you can even feel the lingering tinge of anger like the very end of a fire.

Whatever insane shit Crane had Jason cook up, is fucked. You hope it’s not too late to talk some sense into Jason but you have to catch him when he’s not high. You aren't now and it was only one dose anyway but you swear, you feel normal. It's just that small twitch in your bones that feels uncomfortable. But, that's it. You feel like you never took it in the first place and maybe it's not too late for him. It might be a waste of breath to try when he's high, but you have to try anyway. He would for you.

You scoot closer to Jason until you're right in front of him. Jason pauses his movements, looking over your face. He felt the guilt creeping in before he took the inhaler again. He knows he’ll never forgive himself.

You place your hands on his cheeks and Jason’s face softens and you know he’s there somewhere. But you don’t feel his hands move to you and you feel like you're losing him slowly.

Maybe that’s worse than him being ripped away.

Jason’s eyes dodge yours and he wants to peel his skin off his bones. It feels wrong for you to touch him. It feels all wrong. He can’t bring his hands to your hips or to your hands or anywhere. You don’t feel like you're his anymore and it’s all his fault. He told you you were a mistake. You always deserved better than him but not a single part of him can bring himself to push again. Because you look at him with soft eyes as if you didn’t just explode on each other and have a real fight. You look at him like he’s still the only person you could ever love wholly and solely.

“You're gonna regret it, Jay. Hank fucking sucks and I don’t fucking like him either. But you’re gonna regret it.”

“Why did you fight me over him? You said he was gonna kill me.” Jason asks, his voice is soft.

Jason knows if he weren't high, that part of everything would hurt, too. A lot more than it does right now. And he is so thankful he doesn't have to deal with that pain. He's so tired of pain.

“You wouldn’t let me kill Jerry. And I knew it’d piss you off if I stopped you.” You move your hands to his legs. "And Hank isn't Jerry." You shake your head softly. "If you kill him, that'll be it and I don't want that for you, Jay."

You watch Jason hang his head, highlights from the light in the room bouncing off the white streak of hair. You know you can’t really get through to him, not right now but you want to believe you can. It makes it easier.

Jason just finds it hard to look at you. And he wants to know how you can do that. The drug still wins and he is sturdy in the plan, unmoving and relentless. But, he listens anyway and you make his chest hurt. The guilt and shame are thundering and ramming the jail bars in the back of his head as hard as they can. He doesn’t know why you're still here. Maybe it’d be easier if he believed you were working another angle. And for a second, he starts to talk himself into it, the drug encouraging him.

Maybe you're just trying to get inside of his head so the other Titans can finish him off. Maybe you're just using him, like Crane said. Maybe you want to the drug all for yourself now. Maybe you're waiting for your own moment to finish him off, he falls into your criteria now, doesn’t he?

But his eyes back to yours and all the fight he has is shaken loose, scattering through his chest as an apology breaks through.

“Sorry for what I said and for fighting you.” Jason says quietly.

Your face softens and you think maybe it's working, just a little bit. “Yeah, me too.” You nod softly.

Jason puts the gun off to the side, making sure the barrel is facing away from both of you. He finally finds it himself to bring his hands to your waist. They’re shaking and hesitant, his grip not nearly as strong as it usually is.

“No, I mean it. I don’t mean any of that shit. I don’t want you involved.” Jason's voice becomes barely a whisper. "I don't want anything to happen to you."

“Jay, I am fucking terrified for you.” You place your hands over his. “I know you don’t see it, but this is going to get fucking bad and I am scared, I know you’re not. But I am. Deactivate that bomb and come home, Jay, please.” You clear your throat. “I’m not mad…I get it. I know you didn’t mean it. I didn't either.”

“I can’t.” Jason drops his hands, shaking his head. “This is me. Gotham needs someone who can control the crime and do the hard shit. We have a plan and it’ll work out, alright? You just have to trust me.” A piece of the real Jason finds a way to break through as his jaw clenches and his brows furrow with the sudden shake his of his head. “Please.”

“I trust you more than anyone but I don’t trust Crane. You can still do this Red Hood stuff. You don’t need Crane. You never fucking needed Bruce either. You don’t need Dick. You don’t need any of them, Jay. You can just do your own thing and protect Gotham the way you want to. All you and I’ll stand beside you if you want me to. You don’t need him.”

“Yeah, I do.” Jason keeps it short.

“Okay.” You nod your head and it actually burns as if acid is being poured down your throat.

It has to be the drug. That has to be how Crane has been able to manipulate him so well. But, it is nearly paralyzing because for some reason, Crane asking Jason to do all of this, is more important than you asking him to come home. With you. Somehow, staying loyal to Crane is more important to him right now. Jason on the anti-fear drug is not the Jason you know and love.

“Deactivate the bomb. I’m asking nicely and then just beat the shit out of Hank if that’s what you want to do. I’ll get some popcorn and watch. You can’t come back from that, okay? Like you said.”

“It’s done.”

“Alright, Jay.” You let out a sigh.

You tried your best and you want him back. You don’t want him to wake up when this is over and deal with the fact he killed Hank. It’s going to destroy him. The guilt will finish him off and you hate the very idea of that. He’s not too far gone but you're terrified he will be soon. So, you move your hands to his cheeks again and press your lips to his.

Jason freezes, bits of shock taking over his body because in no world did he expect you to kiss him. But you do and you kiss him with all of the strength you can muster as Jason squeezes your hips and kisses you back. You kiss him with everything in you as if that’s enough to suck out the drug from his bloodstream and bring him back home. You kiss him as if it’s enough to make everything better again like putting a bandaid on a bruise to trick your mind into thinking it doesn’t hurt. But you pull away and his eyes are still dilated and he lacks that cheesy but lazy grin he would normally have. And you hate this.

“I’m going back to the manor.” You pause, lingering for a few seconds as if to be hoping Jason would ask you to stay but the words never leave his lips. You don’t know it, but he almost says them. He doesn’t want you here but you still feel like home and he really misses the warmth of home. Jason doesn’t like feeling so cold all the time. “I hope you can live with this when you have a comedown. I hope you snap out of it. I don’t know what I’m gonna do if you go through with this. You’re really pushing the line, Jay.” Jason watches you carefully as you start to leave. “Be careful and just fucking think about it. Let yourself be sober for an hour, okay? Love you.” You let out a sigh before you head out of the room before Jason can even reply.

Jason keeps his stare on the doorway before he lets out a breath. He is begging you to understand and just trust him. You always said you trust him more than anyone and this is the one time he desperately needs you to trust him. It’ll get messier if you keep trying to get him to be a Titan again and in his impaired state, it pisses him off.

The Titans have always treated him as lesser and leftovers. He was the replacement for Dick. That’s all he ever was and he was expendable, Deathstroke proved that. And he’s better, how they handle Hank is going to more proof. The only people who didn’t treat Jason like that are you and Gar. That’s it. The Titans are the enemy and he just wants you to see through their bullshit the same way you're trying to get Jason to see through Crane’s bullshit. He just wants you to trust him.

You get back to the Manor, standing outside and looking at the entrance. The guilt is chewing at you, slowly eating you whole. You hate Hank, especially with the threat of killing Jason. But, you don’t think he deserves to die. Not unles he was really going to kill Jason when he went to meet him today. Then, at that point, he got what was coming. But you aren’t sure that’s really what the plan was and you feel horrible you couldn’t do anything to stop it.

You tried, you pulled your punches, but you tried and it wasn’t good enough. Hank might die today because you weren’t good enough. You hate him but you think about Dawn. Dawn doesn’t deserve to lose him. She loves him for reasons you will never understand but she doesn’t deserve to lose him. You know what it feels like. It’s not fair. And you feel guilty and it’s heavy and you hate you fought Jason, too. Every piece of today lays heavy on your chest and all you want to do is run out of Gotham. You don’t want to deal with any of it. But that’s not an option so you move forward, opening the door and entering the manor.

On top of the guilt over Jason, you also know you can't tell any of them what you found out. If you tell them, they'll know he's working with Crane. Jason didn't even want you to know and he even looked worried when you did figure it out. What if them knowing Crane is the partner puts Jason's life at risk? What if Crane has more than Jason on the outside? If you tell them, what if it gets him killed? And then it's your fault. Maybe it's wrong to keep it from the Titans, but you don't want to risk him getting killed again. Not if you don't have to and maybe, just maybe, Jason will change his mind last minute. You hope against hope, he will change his mind.

You head to the Batcave, not seeing any Titans around the manor. When you reach the cave, you see everyone around Hank looking worried. This is the moment for you where you know you’ll need to pick a side. If Jason goes through with this, you can’t sit in the middle and hope for the best. You’ll need to choose who you're working with. And at this point, you aren’t sure you want to work with any of them.

“You're okay!” Gar chimes as he spots you coming into view.

Your brows furrow. “Uh…yeah? Why wouldn’t I be?” You ask, looking around the room as the Titans put their eyes on you.

“Well…I mean…Hank.” Gar gestures and moves slightly, giving you a better view of Hank lying in a bed with the bomb on full display. “You also have a cut on your head and a bruise on your cheek.” Gar gestures a finger, mirroring where the bruise sits.

“Yeah, it’s fine.” You shake it off, finishing your walk to the Titans.

The Titans turn to look at you and suddenly, you feel like a spotlight has just found you in the middle of a hidden forest after committing mass murder. Dick looks disappointed which you think might actually be worse than him just being mad. Same with Kory. Conner looks confused. But Hank and Dawn look pissed and you don’t so much blame them. If you were Dawn and Hank were Jason, you’d be pissed, too. But it does make you stop in your tracks.

“Oh, now you’re gonna show your face around here!?” Hank yells.

“Uh…I-I…live…here?” You question but the manor hasn't really felt like home since Jason died anyway.

“And I have a fucking bomb in my chest!” Hank yells. “You were there!”

“We know you and Jason are close, but you have to see this isn’t right.” Dawn crosses her arms.

You blink at them and suddenly you're back at the tower. Suddenly, you're in Jason’s shoes. You never understood where their issue was with him then and you never ever got to understand. But, you tried. You tried to rationalize why Jason. Why did they pick him to target? Rachel was the good kid and Jason was the troublemaker. Jason was an asshole. Maybe. But you're looking at the two of them with a cut on your forehead and bruised knuckles, knowing you passed out and you're being blamed for something you didn’t even do. It was never Jason. It was always just someone to blame.

“W-what?” You ask as you feel the lump grow in your throat.

“Hank said he saw you there.” Kory explains.

“Why were you there?” Dick asks, his voice sterner than Kory but he wants to believe Sam didn't have anything to do with this.

It's actually breaking a part of you with everyone looking at you like that. They're pointing the finger at you and it hurts. You're supposed to trust them but they didn't even ask. You were passed out on the fucking floor and Hank assumes you took a nap, apparently, and they all just believe that. You might side with Jason but they can't really believe you would help him put a bomb in Hank's chest or even let him do it.

“I…I…I can’t….I can’t tell you.” You sputter as you shake your head. “But I didn’t know that’s what he was doing. You-you have to believe me.” You croak out as your eyes start to turn glassy.

“Just like we should believe you didn’t know he was alive?” Hank barks.

“You need to calm down.” Dawn whispers to him.

“Fuck that shit! She’s in on this! I bet he sent her here to make sure I die!”

“You guys can’t really believe she would do that, right?” Gar finally pipes up. He remembers what happened with Jason and he knows you're always on the edge of something terrible. He doesn’t want that edge to become literal.

“Why else would she have been there?” Dawn asks.

"Does it matter?" Gar asks but he keeps his voice soft and gentle because he still hates arguing. "She's hurt and that should mean something, right? You guys didn't ask, just jumped to conclusions." Gar's voice starts to go quiet. "Like with Jason."

You snap your attention to him as Gar's stare goes to the floor. Your heart breaks for him but you owe him for trying to defend you. You know how much he hates it. And you think maybe you'll tell him because he deserves it.

"It all seems real fucking convenient doesn't it?" Hank barks back, not falling for Gar siding with you. "It was all a set-up!"

“I went to fucking confront him.” You scoff but it comes out weak. “Are we really doing this? I didn’t fucking know about the fucking bomb or that Hank was even going to be there.”

“Bullshit! I said I’d kill him. I bet you tipped him off and that’s why this happened.” Hank gestures aggressively to his chest.

You grit your teeth as you look desperately to Dick before looking back to Hank. “Fuck you.” You sniffle. “You know what, fine. You wanna know what happened? I went to confront him high as fuck and I saw you. We fucking fought because while high, I knew I couldn’t let him kill you because he wouldn’t let me kill Jerry and I knew it’d piss him off.”

“Wow.” Kory huffs softly as she looks to the ground, placing a hand on her hip. But, she looks up quickly at you. "Wait, you were high?" Kory asks with confusion.

Your eyes glance to Gar and then Dick before landing on Kory. "I'm tired of feeling like this." Desperation coats your words. The comedown sucked and being angry also sucked, but maybe Jason's right. Maybe that is better than feeling like this and scared and paranoid. Maybe he's right. “Look, we fucking fought, I passed out and I came back here when I came to. So, fuck you." You look back to Hank.”

“Right, but you’re killing—“ Dawn tries to argue.

“Critiera. I have a criteria and Hank doesn’t fucking meet it. I can’t let my personal bias come in the fucking way." You turn your attention back to Hank. "You don’t meet it. You don’t deserve to fucking die even though you’re a piece of fucking shit who doesn’t learn from his mistakes.” You bark. “You figure out the bomb yet?” You look to Dick.

“No, just that it’s counting down his heartbeats.” Dick answers plainly.

“Wayne Enterprises.” You state. “I saw the blueprints before I passed out. Bet if you look into it, you can find a way to build a deactivator or whatever.” You look back to Hank. “I hope you live so Jason doesn’t have to deal with the guilt. And I did tell him you were gonna kill him…. after he had the bomb in your chest. Let me know if dies, I guess.” You scoff as you turn around and start to head out of the Batcave.

Gar looks at all of the Titans and he doesn't like seeing his friends targeted. He knows that Hank was just targeted by his best friend but you didn't do anything. It's not your fault what Jason does. You don't control him and Gar thinks it's wrong for them to attack you for it. So, he follows you up to the main living room.

You suck in a deep breath as your hands shake at your sides. Dick, Kory, and Conner didn't accuse you of anything but they weren't really on your side either. And it feels like you're being abandoned and you're reminded why you always left first. It was so much easier than feeling like this. It doesn't hurt when you're the one that leaves. It doesn't hurt like this. So, your fists ball at your sides as your nails dig into your palms and your jaw clenches. All you want is to go back to before and pause time. Why is that so much to ask for?

"Are you okay?" Gar asks quietly from behind you.

You hang your head and at least you have Gar. He might not always get it but he at least tries to. And you really hope, after all of this, you don't lose him either. You want to tell him but then you'd put him in the middle. You're standing in the middle of it all right now and it is absolute hell. You can't put that on Gar. But, you can vent and you say a little bit of what happened so you turn around to face him with the shake of your head.

"No! I had to fucking fight Jason because of fucking Hank!" You scrunch your nose in disgust. "That's fucking stupid! And I can't even fucking say how the hell that shit happened or what happened because I am terrified if I tell anyone knew what the fuck I know it could get him killed." You pause as you watch Gar's face soften. "But, he put a bomb in Hank's chest and he's an ass but he doesn't deserve to die." You suck in a ragged breath. "So, I fought him and we were both fucking high and we said some really horrible shit to each other and I have no idea how we're supposed to come back from that or how he's ever going to forgive me."

Gar nods with understanding and he really wishes he knew what was going on. "What did you guys say to each other?"

"I asked him where Rose was and, uh, maybe that's why she left him...to protect herself because takes low blows. He said I was using him, we were a mistake, I made him worse. Just... we both said a to."

Gar shakes his head, trying to process what he's being told. That doesn't sound like either of you. "Why would you guys even say that stuff to each other? I mean...Jason could be an asshole but he didn't say that kind to stuff to you."

"Yeah," You nod. "The, uh, the drug. It's the one he made and uh...it's not a normal drug like...it, uh, it makes people do things I think that they wouldn't normally. I think that's why Hank has a bomb in his chest. It's why we fought, too." You confess, figuring maybe that's enough of an explanation to clue Gar in a little bit but not too much that he immediately goes to Dick.

But Gar is just growing more confused. The two of you have talked about addiction before. You had stories like the one time with your dad and your dad being an addict. But, you talked about other kids on the streets. Gar kind of thought maybe everything that happened to you made you never want to take anything but now you're out here not only taking a drug but making it. Just like Jason. None of it makes sense.

"Why would you take it?"

"I can't tell you." You mutter as you hang your head. "I won't again, promise. It was for science." You suck in a breath as Gar scrunches his face in more confusion. "But...I know if we can get him off of it, we'll get him back."

"So, the Jason we know is still there?" Gar asks with hope in his eyes.

"Yeah, as if you really lost faith in him anyway." You manage a weak laugh earning you a soft smile from Gar.

"I have to believe he's in there somewhere. Even if no one else but you does." Gar nods his head softly.

"Yeah," You suck in a breath. "I know it's weird to think, now, I guess but...if we get him back...how do we come back from that?" You ask as you furrow your brows. "I mean, what we said, what he thinks of me." You watch Gar's brows furrow. "I think his partner is manipulating him and using Jason's trust in me against him. Just...based on what he said." You shake your head. "It's nothing but...ya know? Fought each other."

"Well, everyone tried to kill me once and we're all okay now." Gar tries to chuckle softly. "If the drug is what you say it is, maybe that's the end of it. We all know that's not really Jason. He would never hurt you, on accident or on purpose. And you wouldn't either. Maybe you guys just talk. You always got Jason to." Gar offers a soft smile.

"Yeah," You smile weakly. "I guess that's true."

"I'm sorry you guys fought though." Gar offers a sympathetic look just as Dick comes rushing through the clock, coming to a dead stop as he sees you both.

You readjust your stance as you look to the floor.

Dick lets out a sigh and he does not have time for this but he has to ask. "Did you know?" 

You shake your head as your eyes meet his. "I fucking swear I didn't. I would have called you."

Dick nods and he believes you. He doesn't agree with your morals but killing Hank seems a little off even for you. Even when it comes to Jason. When you explained your criteria to him, it seemed to matter enough to you. You mentioned it downstairs. You're not lying.

"Okay. You guys go back to the Cave once Dawn and Kory have Hank in a room. Help Conner if you can and just stay away from Hank." Dick goes to walk away but then stops, looking back at you. "Did you find anything out?"

You nod hesitantly. "I, uh, I don't think it'd help with Hank though. If I thought so I'd tell you."

"Alright." Dick lets out a sigh before he heads off.

"Well," You clear your throat. "That fucking sucks." You state as you can hear Kory, Dawn, and Hank coming from the Batcave. "I'm gonna grab something from my room and I'll meet you downstairs." You offer a soft nod to Gar before you head down the hallway.

As the next three hours go by, Dawn takes off to steal the gold bars and give them to Jason. Dick goes after Dawn to try to stop her. Kory doesn't have any more answers about who brought Jason back from the dead which is a relief on your end. But, Connor still doesn't have the deactivor ready. It has to reach a 0% failure rate and he hasn't gotten that far yet.

You really hoped Jason would back out of it or he was just trying to get under the Titans' skin and none of it was real. But, as Hank's heartbeats dwindle down, you're starting to think he's really going to go through with this. He'll kill Hank and he can't just come back from that like he can with everything else. No one is going to care if Crane had him do it or not. It won't matter because Hank is a Titan. And you wonder what you're supposed to do.

If everything that happened today doesn't snap some sense into him, nothing you say or do will. It'll be up to Jason or the Titans to get him to stop taking the drug. Those will be the options. And you think maybe your only option will be to tell Dick everything you know. If anyone is going to know what to do, especially dealing with Jonathan Crane, it's going to be Dick. Maybe Crane will believe Dick figured it out on his own anyway. If Jason kills Hank, you don't think you can stand on his side anymore. It's the last thing you want to do but if he's willing to kill Hank, who knows what else he's willing to do and who else he's willing to kill. He will need to be stopped and you can't do it alone.

With only a few minutes left, Gar and you are seated watching Connor and the screen intently while you all have Dick on the comms. He found Dawn and she's with Jason. Jason tells Dawn all she has to do is shoot him and it'll save Hank. But, Dick is trying to convince her not to do it because Connor is almost there.

It comes down to just seconds when Connor finally gets the failure rate to 0%. He uses superspeed to rush through the manor while Gar and you get to your feet to watch on the monitor to Hank's room. But, just before Connor gets there, there's a thunder through the manor and the cameras go dead.

Gar and you keep your eyes on the screen as Kory runs up behind you both and pulls you both into a hug. Jason just killed Hank in cold blood. What are any of you even supposed to do now?

That night, no one has much to say. Dick informed everyone what actually happened. Jason set Dawn up so when she pulled the trigger, it detonated the bomb. It's uncomfortable listening to it.  You listen but the only thing you really hear is that Jason just put Dawn through when you went through when Jason died. He knew what it did to you and then Jason still went and decided Dawn should deal with that pain and the guilt of it really being her fault. You're appalled and disgusted even though you know it's not really him. You just find yourself in a state of disbelief and fury. How could he do that to someone? After everything?

You were high and while you know, maybe you would have helped, you find it hard to believe you would. The drug is powerful and all-consuming but it was Jason's choice to take it. It was Jason's choice to go to Crane for help. It was all his choice. He had a choice here. And it lead him to kill Hank and put his blood on Dawn's hands. Crane might be manipulating him but between him and the drug, Jason is turning into a shell of someone you used to know and you're thinking you don't want to know this version of him. And you think about the pit and maybe that's why it's so easy for Jason to bypass every moral he's ever had. Maybe the pit did take a part of his soul that day and that's just making it easier for Crane to turn him into this. Maybe this is who he is now.

And because of that, you know you have no other choice but to go to Dick.

You love Jason more than anything on the planet but that wasn't enough for him and maybe it's not enough for you either. You love the Titans, too and he's killing Hank and putting it on Dawn, maybe he is going to pick you all off one by one. You aren't going to sit here and watch it happen. You're not going to let him do it.

"Hey." Gar says quietly as he walks into the Batcave where you're staring, looking at the Robin suit.

"Hey, how you holding up?" You look back to him with sympathy. Gar was friends with Hank.

"Uh...ya know." Gar shrugs, standing beside you. "Sucks." Gar lets out a breath, running a hand through his hair.

"Yeah." You answer shortly. "I'm sorry, Gar."

"It's not your fault." Gar lets out a sigh, looking to the ground and back to the suit. Bruce didn't get all of the blood out of it. There are still blotches of blood covering the R blade and the torso. He's tired of losing people, too. "What's wrong?" Gar asks, shoving his hands into his jacket pockets. "You only look at the suits when you're thinking." Gar glances to you but you keep your eyes on the bloodstains.

You shake your head. "He killed Hank by making Dawn pull the trigger. That's kind of fucked...so," You shrug your shoulders. "Guess I'm just...I'm gonna have to come clean to Dick and throw Jason under the bus which also sucks." The words stick to your tongue like shards of glass.

Gar shakes his head quickly, knitting his brows together as he snaps his attention to you. "What do you mean? You said you'd always be on his side."

One of the things that kept Gar hopeful was that you were at least still on Jason's side. As long as you believed in him, Gar knew Jason had to still be there. But, if you're willing to throw in the towel after everything, that means that's it. It can't be it.

"He killed Hank." You look at Gar as you shrug. "He can't just kill innocent people."

"Yeah but..." Gar pauses, trying to figure out how he's going to argue with that. He agrees but if you give up, who does Jason have? Maybe he still needs someone in his corner. "You said he's still there. We just have to get through to him."

"Yeah, and then he did this. I begged him not to and that wasn't enough to get through to him." You argue. "So, I give up." 

Gar doesn't get it. You're the one person who's always on Jason's side. He knows this is fucked up. But he still believes his best friend is in there somewhere. Someone like Jason doesn't just go bad. They lived down the hall from each other and Gar knows him, too. Jason Todd is in there someone and he has to believe that. But you don't and it hurts. How can you give up?

"You love him. You can't...you can't really be giving up on him." Gar stutters as his heart breaks. "You always said you wouldn't and...I don't know. I get it but..." Gar shakes his head.

Gar's words strike a nerve. It's hard enough. It's not that you're giving up because you're not. You're going to Dick and that is to get him back. You can't do it on your own and you can't keep Jason's secrets for him anymore. It's not helping him, you, or the Titans. All it's doing is getting everyone else hurt or killed. You aren't giving up entirely but the idea that you shouldn't just because you love him pisses you off because it wasn't enough for Jason.

He gave up on you long before you ever had the chance to give up on him.

"Yeah—" You bite down, crunching your teeth together so hard you swear your teeth are going to shatter through your lips. "What if loving him isn't fucking enough, Gar!? Cause it sure as shit wasn't enough for him."

It wasn't enough to keep him here with you. It wasn't enough to keep him on solid ground. You know you will never be the same as Bruce or Dick. Their approval meant something different to him and that is fine. You accept that. But you don't know how your love for him wasn't enough to keep him at least trying to be safe. At least trying to just exist. You want to know why your love for him wasn't enough for him to consider your feelings. You want to know why love just wasn't enough. It should have been but it wasn't. It was always enough for you to not give up even when you wanted to. So, why the fuck wasn't it enough for him?

"I know you can't believe that. It's always been you and him." Gar shakes his head. "He's going through some shit. I don't think that's what it was. You said it was his partner and the drug. We just have to get him off it and away from them."

"Yeah, but..." Sam's bottom lip starts to quiver. "But why wasn't me loving him enough?" Her words break and tears leak from her eyes like a warm down faucet. Steady drops of broken. "Why wasn't my love for him enough?" You pause as you take a deep breath. "He did all of this!" You throw your hands out. "Without me. Without ever telling me shit and we were supposed to be a fucking team. Me loving him isn't fucking enough and it wasn't enough for him to fucking stay alive or say goodbye or come home when he had the chance."

Gar hangs his head and he wishes he had an answer but he doesn't. "I don't know but Jason has always been Jason." Gar's voice is quiet. "Maybe it was enough for him but he has more going on. I think you know why it wasn't enough but you don't want to admit it." Gar snips slightly. "You always knew whatever he was thinking and he did with you. That's why you know how to get him back!" Gar protests. "It's why Dick hasn't been fighting you and why Kory hasn't. We know that you can get him back and it sucks that you have to deal with it. But, it's Jason." Gart shakes his head. "We just have to get him away from his partner and the drug. We can get him back."

You look back to the suit because you know he's right. It's not fair to stand here and point a finger saying he doesn't love you enough. You know it's ridiculous but you're hurt and you want the blame off of your own shoulders. But, deep down you already think you know why it feels the way it does.

Things get good and it's a lot easier to run away from them and hurt them first before they ever have the chance to hurt you. Maybe that is what it boils down to. Jason got traumatized and doesn't know how to handle his problems. Bruce made him feel like Robin was the only thing he'd ever be good at and he was nothing without that mantle. So, it gets taken away and Jason's back to being that kid on the streets with nothing but a list of people who throw in the towel when things get a little too hard. Maybe he did it to protect you sure, but maybe it was also easier keeping you in the dark so you'd leave if you were going to anyway. He did what he always does. This time though, it's more than pushing one person away. It was desperation to be better, to heal his own mental illness by taking a shortcut and sacrificing pieces of himself. It's not about you, you were just collateral damage and you know that. And you aren't sure that makes it any better.

"I have been trying desperately to get through to him and it doesn't fucking work. He's stubborn as all fucking hell and he's really digging his feet in and I think he's doing on purpose. Jason Todd was always really good at self-destruction so maybe we fucking let him. Maybe we just let him blow himself up and see where that gets him. Maybe he needs to hit fucking rock bottom where his partner turns on him. Maybe he needs it. If me begging him and fighting him isn't enough, then he's on his own. I can't bail him out of this one."

"I don't want you to regret it though." Gar shakes his head. "And I don't want to lose him. Just yesterday you were the one that said you were scared to tell Dick in case it got him killed." Gar nearly pleads with you.

"I know but I am also worried that he's going to pick you guys off one by one. And..." You shake your head. "That's not fair to you guys. I am scared he's going to get himself killed but I can't just...watch him do this shit and not do anything. We're supposed to protect people." You urge. "We are supposed to protect people and right now, the Titans are the ones who need to be protected from him. Jason needs help, too but I don't know what else to do unless you have a better idea. You know Dick doesn't want him dead."

"It sucks, okay? All of this sucks!" Gar yells. "Losing Hank, Rachel is off trying to bring Donna back and I don't even know if she can do that, Donna is dead. Dawn is leaving forever. Jason is losing his mind and now you're giving up! This sucks! We're supposed to be a team and we're supposed to help each other. But, now Jason is killing Hank and everyone else wants to go after Jason. And now you want to help! I don't want to lose more of you guys. You guys are the only family I have." Gar's voice grows defeated and he didn't think being a Titan would look like this.

You pause for a few seconds and Gar never yells. "You know I wouldn't do anything involving Jason without thinking it through. Dick will know what to do and I'll make him promise not to kill him. We go after Jason to get to his partner. We get the partner and we get Jason. I have a plan."

"You do?" Gar asks cautiously, unsure if you're just saying it to make him feel better.

"Of course, I do." You huff. "I didn't sleep. I was thinking. Dick is not going to like my plan and neither are you. But I have a plan. You guys are my only family, plus Molly, I get it. Fuck Hank, ya know? But he was one of the Titans." You shake your head. "I give up on bailing him out of this shit but I'm not giving up on trying to help." You suck in a breath. "He wouldn't if it were me."

"Yeah, true." Gar nods softly. "So, you're just...going to tell Dick about the drug and his partner?" Gar asks.

"Yep." You nod. "That is going to be a fun conversation." You roll your eyes. "Wonder if he'll lecture me then or later about the drug." You offer a soft smile to Gar who just glares. "Yeah, yeah, yeah I know. It was dumb." You mock. 

"Yeah, seriously, please don't go do that again." Gar states softly.

"Of course, not. We see where that leads us." You widen your eyes, looking back to the suit. 

"Right." Gar nods slowly before taking in a deep breath. "I'm...I'm gonna make a pizza, do you wanna help?" Gar asks.

"Uh, I'm okay. I'm just gonna wait for Dick to get back. Rip the band-aid off type of deal."

Gar nods softly. "Let me know how it goes." Gar smiles softly before he heads out of the Batcave.

You sit on the front steps of the manor, waiting for Dick to get home from taking Dawn to the airport. You run through a whole speech to give to Dick. There is still that fear that if you tell Dick about Crane, maybe Crane will snap and think Jason turned on him and he'll have him killed. Crane is completely insane and that could happen. But, you know it's the right thing to do anyway. It might feel like a betrayal and it is. But, you have to do it. You just hope that when Jason finds out you went to Dick, one day he'll understand. Maybe when he's sober he'll understand. Jason can be really understanding and forgiving. You beg he'll understand one day.

The black car pulls right up to the manor and Dick spots you as you straighten your posture. He shuts the car off and sucks in a deep breath. You sitting on the front steps, seemingly waiting for him, seems like it's going to be bad news. Anytime you want to talk to him, it's usually something not good. Dick lets out a sigh, hanging his head for a second before pulling the keys from the ignition and exiting the vehicle. He walks up to the front steps, looking down at you as you offer him a nervous grin.

"Hey." You state cautiously.

"What's going on?" Dick asks.

You clear your throat as you get to your feet. "If I tell you who Jason is working with and what the drug does....can you promise me something?" You ask as Dick's eyes widen slightly.

Of all people, he didn't ever really expect you to come clean with anything.

"What is it?" Dick asks.

"Um...can you promise you won't kill him and that Kory and Conner won't either?" You ask as you tug your sleeves over your hands. "I know, okay? I know what he just did was fucking fucked, okay? I know. But...it's not...it's not really all him and I just...he's your brother and you took me in. And I...I don't..." You shake your head. "I can't lose him again, okay? So, you gotta promise you guys won't kill him and that we'll do everything in the world to make sure this shit doesn't get him killed again, okay? That's the only way I can tell you anything."

"I don't want to kill him." Dick's words are stern. "He just killed Hank." Dick pauses and he sees your eyes water and your weight shift between your feet. Jason was Dick's responsibility and some of this is still on Dick. "Okay." Dick nods. "I won't kill him and I'll talk to Kory."

That's all you needed to start talking. All you needed was the confirmation that they're going to make sure Jason doesn't die again. Jason still deserves a chance here. Everything is a mess and he's really messed up big time but that doesn't mean he shouldn't get a chance at something better. And at the end of it all, you still think Jason deserves his chance at being happy and safe and healthy. He just needs to get through this shit.

"Okay." You say hesitantly. "Um...so, you know Jason likes to play games." You states. "Well, the formula, the reason you didn't know what it was, it was coded. It was just a game. I think he expected you to find it." You explain. "But, then you gave it to me and I brought to a friend of mine who's a genius and he helped me crack it."

"He coded the damn formula and you figured it out?" Dick questions.

"Yes, he did and no, Tim did which by the way," You laugh softly. "Good luck with that one. He knows you're Nightwing, Robin 1.0. Jason was Robin 2.0. I'm Bluejay and Bruce is Batman. I denied it but he's got research on all of us and the Titans. He knows. So, good luck with that, dumbass."

Dick blinks at you for a second. He was so careful, how could someone figure out who he is? Bruce was even more careful than he was. No one has ever figured it out and now you suddenly know someone who knows? How did that even happen? Dick really does not have time for this.

"What? How does he know?" Dick almost demands.

"Yeah, uh, you can perform a trapeze trick that only you and your dad could perform. Nightwing also performs that same trick. Like I said, figure out you're Robin and the other pieces just come together." You shrug. "Which is how he figured the rest of us out. So, good job. I denied it of course but let me tell you, he's a genius and he definitely isn't going to let it rest. We used to guess who Robin and Batman were. He had theories and so did I. So, good luck dealing with that."

"Great." Dick scoffs. Dick can't help but think coming back to Gotham might have been a little bit of a bad idea. How he is stuck dealing with all of this at the same time? Can't he just catch a break? "Continue."

"Right, so he cracked it for me and it's fear. So, naturally, I go to his lab and make the drug and I take it."

Dick lets out a sigh as he looks to the ground. "I can't believe you went and made and then took Jason's drug. What if it were a setup?" Dick places a hand on his hip and you almost laugh.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, don't do drugs and that's bad science. Lecture me later. That's not the point of this." You scrunch your nose. "Well, I didn't feel scared or paranoid or worried. I didn't feel much of anything besides anger. That was still there. So, Jason made a drug that cures fear."

Dick watches you carefully and he only knows one person that could make a drug that could cure fear. "You've got to be kidding me." Dick holds the bridge of his nose. "Jonathan Crane." Dick scoffs. "He's working with Jonathan Crane?" Dick nearly starts yelling.

"Yep." You roll your eyes. "So I confronted him. That's when I found Hank and I yelled at him and questioned why he'd work with Crane. He said Crane helped him and made him better, that Crane actually cares about him unlike you, Bruce, and me. So, he's been working with Crane and making an anti-fear drug and Crane is manipulating him and doing a damn good job." You explain. "He was high the day he went after the Joker. It's what got him killed. I think Crane probably planned for it. Expected Jason to die that night and the only one not in the loop was Jason."

"So, Crane could use the excuse of him bringing Jason back." Dick finishes. "Why would Jason go to Crane in the first place?" Dick asks and for the life of him, he can't figure out what would lead Jason to Crane.

Jason has always been troubled and had his issues but this just seems crazy. Jason knows the risks of Jonathan Crane, Dick does. At least Jason going after the Joker finally makes sense. Dick knows Jason wasn't that reckless but working with Crane?

"He was freezing on patrol. Getting hurt all the time. Nightmares, shaking hands. His leg pain was still there. Bruce took Robin away. Dick, it was bad for him. Like...really fucking bad. I guess he was desperate enough. I had no idea he was doing this shit. I was ready to call you and come back, with him."

Dick pauses for a few seconds as he starts to think and he knows why Crane has been so helpful now. It's to put the entire target on Jason and keep Crane out of the limelight until the time is right. It's how Crane always functioned and Jason and Dick fell right into the trap.

"Okay, so, why did he target Hank and not you? You know. You took his drug. Crane is going want to seclude him from everyone that cares about him. That's not Hank, that's you." Dick points out and he's also trying to make sure you're really coming clean. At the end of the day, you've been the one on Jason's side and it's hard for Dick to believe you're just turning over a new leaf over Hank Hall.

"Oh, have no fear, Dickolas, thought of that, too." You state. "Hank was enough to set the Titans off. Piss everyone off and target Jason entirely, leaves Crane out of it. As for me, though, I think Jason still has a line and I'm the line. I threw the first punch yesterday, not him. We both know if Jason didn't pull his punches, I'd have more than a few bruises. But, I think Crane is trying to turn him against me, too. Like you said, seclude him."

"What did he say?" Dick asks.

"Um...that I liked him better before? That Crane was right about me. Whatever the fuck that means. He also said I was using him?" You roll your eyes. "I think Crane is trying but there's a part of Jason that knows it's bullshit."

"Right, okay." Dick nods. "So, how does the drug work? If he can refrain from hurting you, couldn't he refrain from killing Hank?"

"I don't think it works like that. He asked me if I wanted to help and I almost did because I was already mad at Hank. I would never do that otherwise. It's like the only thing you want to do is hurt someone else because it's thrilling. You don't feel much of anything but anger when something sets you off. And it can be something small that sends you into a rage, it did for me. I'm thinking it works the same for Jason. I didn't care that I was hurting him or that we were fighting. I didn't care. I didn't even care that he was gonna kill Hank. But, I still didn't want to hurt him. There was something that still kept me from actually physically hurting him. I could have but I didn't. I think he has some restraint but I think if Crane picks at those parts of him, he'll crack."

"It's the exact opposite of the fear gas while still letting Crane reap the benefits." Dick lets out a scoff, almost mad at himself he didn't figure it out sooner. "Jason said Crane was right about you." Dick states. "Did Jason tell him about all of us?"

"I don't know. We didn't really talk about it but I'm guessing he did. I'm not sure what else he would mean by Crane being right about us."

"That's why Crane is helping him. Jason gets the cure to fear and Crane gets information on all of us and Bruce." Dick shakes his head. "It's a mutual benefit." Dick scoffs and he's growing more mad at Jason for going to Crane in the first place. If Jason wanted to fuck up his life, that's on him but now he's dragged everyone else down with him. And for what?

"Yep." You nod your head. "Look, Crane is gonna lose it eventually, it's what he does. We gotta get to Jason before that happens. I don't know how to do that alone. It's one of the reasons I'm telling you."

"I'm guessing you have an idea though."

"Well, if we break into Arkham and kill Crane..."

"No." Dick states. "We're not going to kill him."

"But, literally all of our problems would be solved if you let me do it." You nod. "Like, ya know, in and out. Boom, dead. Jason comes back home. It's a win."

"We're not killing people." Dick states. "Besides, we'll need Jason first. If he's as far gone as it sounds, he'll think we're doing it to spite him and then what? We need to know what Crane has planned. The last time Crane was up to something, he had the entire system rigged with his fear gas. If you go and kill him before we know the plan, he could release the new drug and then what happens?"

You narrow your eyes but nod. "Yeah, that's true. I didn't think of that. So, what do we do then?" 

"Well, I'll need to get to Crane." Dick states.

"We." You correct him as you cross your arms. "You're not gonna do this alone. It involves Jason so you involve me. If not, any new information I get, I keep to myself."

Dick doesn't want you involved. None of this should even be the Titans business. This should remain between him and Jason. Based on everything Crane has already told Dick, putting this on Jason, it does seem as though Dick is supposed to be Jason's target somewhere down the line. It's supposed to be between them. But, you've lodged yourself in the middle of it and he remembers San Francisco.

"Fine, but you do what I say." Dick warns.

"Deal." You mock him with wide eyes.

Just then Dick gets a phone call from Babs. Apparently, there was a targeted attack on Crane last night in Arkham by Red Hood. For his own safety, he's being transferred today to Blackgate. And Dick thinks you don't have to break him out. He'll already be accessible.

"Go get your suit. I have a plan." Dick states as he turns back towards the car.

"Uh...yeah, okay?" You question quickly before you spin around and dart into the manor before Dick can change his mind.

Dick and you head off to Arkham Asylum as you wait for Crane to be transferred. On the way, Dick clued you in on what was going on and what Babs told him. Dick's new plan is actually to kidnap Crane and hold him hostage. You and Dick are going to lure Jason out to the cabin where some of their Robin training took place. It's secluded, away from everyone else who could get hurt and Jason will know exactly where to go. Dick knows those woods like the back of his hand. It's an even playing field for the two of them. And you're thrilled.

You have yet to meet Crane face to face but you already hate him. You hate what he did to the city even if you admire the creativity of a fear gas. But, he's insane and you've got a real problem with anyone who turns other innocent people into monsters, especially by using their own pain against them. It's exactly what he's been doing to Jason. Holding Crane hostage, might be fun for you. And at the end of this, maybe it'll work and you'll get Jason back. But, you're trying not to bank on that. The plans don't always seem to go as planned.

The two of you watch as the guards bring out Crane and that's when Dick gives you the all-clear. The two of you head off towards the transport van, sneaking around pillars and other cars to remain undetected. Dick is the first to make the move and grab the guard near the driver's side of the van. You then go after the one coming from the back of them. Dick and you both knock the two men unconscious and leave them on the ground before heading to the back of the van.

Dick takes down the last guard before he opens the back of the van to reveal Jonathan Crane looking somewhere between confused and worried. Your fists ball at your sides as your teeth grit and he's definitely made his way to the top of your list.

"Let's go." Dick states turning around and walking away.

You glare at him for a few more seconds and you debate for just a split second on shooting acid at him or throwing a knife. One swift move and it'd be over for him. It would be over for Jason. But Dick is right. If he has something planned to poison the city, you need to know. So, you roll your eyes and turn around, following Dick to the car while Crane scurries out of the van to follow the two of you. 

Dick opens the passenger door for Crane while you get in the back. Crane offers you a displeased smile as you grimace at him. Dick gets back in the car, sending you a quick but warning glance before he starts the car again.

The drive is quiet at first, Dick and you wanting to not say a word to Crane or each other with him in the car. Instead, Dick focuses on just getting you all to the cabin and how he'll handle the aftermath of everything. You, on the other hand, think about how mad Jason is going to be when he finds out you're here. It's going to be another problem to sort out but he'll understand later because he has to. And you focus all of your anger and worry on Crane. The hit was on purpose so Jason could break him out which means some part of their plan is coming together and you focus your anger on that. It's a lot easier to be angry with Crane than worry about Jason and how this plan could go south.

After awhile though, apparently, Crane gets tired of the quiet.

"I'm an Alfa man myself. Those Italians, those lines, that flair...the sprezzatura. It's a term. It means the art of making something complicated look easy. Like that trail of bodies you guys left back there. You didn't even break a sweat, did you? Like old pros. See, now that is sprezzatura." Crane states with ease but he pauses for a second, looking over to Dick and spotting a gun. "Look, I don't need to worry about that piece you nicked from the B.O.P. back there, do I? I mean you wouldn't shoot a bound and defenseless man now, would you?"

"Depends." Dick keeps his eyes on the road, offering Crane no emotion.

"I would." You state with enthusiasm from the backseat.

Crane looks back at you with a slight scowl. "That is not very nice."

"I'm not nice." You quip with a chortle.

"So, just bad cop and bad cop, huh?" Crane asks but all he gets is a shrug and an eyebrow raise from you. "Are you his little sidekick?"

"No." You scoff. "Shut the fuck up before I make you."

Dick glances in the mirror, giving you another warning look. You mock the look right back.

"She is a feisty one, isn't she?" Crane looks at Dick.

"Shut up." Dick groans.

Jason saw you with Dick as you left Arkham. That little voice is the back of head that Crane has triggered gets a little bit louder. Of all people, you're going to work with Dick. He's told you to stay out of it but you won't. You know Jason is going to go after Dick and yet here you are, kidnapping his new mentor who actually cares about him with Dick. With his older brother. The original Robin. That's when Jason is piecing together maybe you have ditched your loyalty to him and moved with the Titans. You swore you wouldn't and he is ready to explode.

Jason: teaming up with Dick now?

He doesn't know why he texts it. He doesn't know exactly why he's going to bother because you'll lie to him anyway. You always swore you wouldn't but he knows if you are working with him, you'll lie to him. But, there's something inside of him that has to ask you anyway. He wants to know why. You hated Hank, too. And in that moment of being high, you understood it. That can't be the only reason you'd suddenly be on Dick's side. You're never on his side.

You: no.

Jason nearly groans out loud with the simple response.

Jason: why are you with him then? kidnapping crane?

You: involves you, Dick is pissed about Hank just making sure you don't kill each other

Jason doesn't buy it. It is never as simple as making sure people get along with you. That was always Gar's job. If it were about making sure they don't kill each other, you'd have Gar. That's not it. Jason is starting to wonder if you're just going after Crane. Maybe Crane is your target and Jason is Dick's. Maybe you're in this together. You and Dick have to be.

You: maybe I want a shot Crane

Jason grins softly at his phone as he looks up the gloomy sky above Gotham. Jason isn't going to let you kill Crane and he's betting Dick won't either. Dick is smarter than that and he'll know there's a bigger plan and Crane won't give it up. But, he finds it amusing because maybe that is just your motive. It is a very you motive to have in order to tag along.

Jason: you won't kill him

You: lol that a bet?

Jason: I'm serious

You: So am I

Jason: be careful

You: you be careful

Jason: this is between us not you Jason: if you're there for Crane leave dick to me

He says it on purpose. Fine, if you want your shot at Crane, you can take it. Jason knows you won't do it. You didn't get to kill the Joker and you think Crane is bad for Jason and he's turning Jason into something he's not. Jason firmly believes you'd offer Jason the shot instead of taking it yourself. So, he says it on purpose just to see if you'll actually go after Crane or if you'll go against Jason and protect Dick. He says it just to see which side you're really on. If you protect Dick, he has his answer and Crane is right.

You: involves you so it does involve me and yeah that wasn't convincing. Don't kill him that's tragic just like I said in San Fran two Robins fighting 

Jason: stay out of it

You: don't fucking shoot me

Jason: how do you know I'll show up?

You: revenge on Dick, we have Crane, I'm here, you can't resist a good challenge

Jason: lol yeah

You put your phone back in your pocket and keep your conversation between you, just that. Crane doesn't need to know he texted you. That might be bad. But, you already have a feeling what Jason is doing. Ever since he came back, it's been about what side you're on. He's making you choose and while you're here with Dick, you're just trying to do what's in Jason's best interest. Despite your conversation with Gar, you aren't giving up. You aren't completely picking sides. If this blows up and Jason gets away, you can always keep to the story that you were just there to make sure they didn't kill each other. What Jason doesn't know, can't hurt him.

The speakers start ringing through the car as Dick glances to the screen. Dick's lets out a sigh before he tabs the answer button on the screen.

"Hello?" Dick states.

"Where are you, Dick?" Barbara asks.

"Change of plans." Dick states and you want to know how he's able to remain so emotionless.

"Bring Crane back." Barbara demands.

"I will." Dick states casually.

"I'd get that in writing if I were you." Crane states.

"Shut up!" You groan.

"You brought Y/n with you, seriously? And is that him listening?"

"I volunteered." You chime.

"Yo, Babs." Crane chimes back.

"Jesus, Dick. I need Crane back here right now."

Dick looks to Crane and he's definitely not bringing Crane back. "Gotta go." Dick states before he hangs up, earning a snort from you.

"She's gonna kill you." You chuckle.

"I overheard the police talking about what happened...to that Hawk fellow." Crane states.

Dick scrunches his face, taking a harsh turn around a corner, you grabbing the Oh Shit handle from the back.

"Red Hood is a monster. We've both got proof of that now. But I can still help you. You know, just let me know what I can do."

"You can shut up." Dick states. "Enjoy the sprezzatura."

You smile widely from the back seat. You like this version of Dick. It's more fun.

After a while longer in the car, you finally start to pull into the woods. You adjust yourself to look out of the window as Dick drives. He's driving through a clearing but it is surrounded by trees and overgrown grass. Sometimes, you forget the insanity Bruce put Jason and Dick through in order to let them be Robin but as you watch the trees grow thicker the further Dick drives, you remember. Jason didn't talk much about the cabin. The most he said was that it was brutal. Maybe a part of you doesn't want to know what he went through.

Dick finally stops the car outside of a chain that's chained to two posts, blocking off the rest of the path.

"Let me go." Crane states.

"Not gonna happen." Dick says.

Dick gets out of the car, leaving Crane and you. Dick unlocks the chain while Crane decides he's going to try and make a run for it. He glances back to you before quickly unlocking the door and bolting out of the car as quickly as he can with his hands still cuffed in front of him. You start laughing as you get out of the back of the car, resting your arm on the open door.

"Oh, so he's stupid, stupid?" You cackle as you look over to Dick.

"Guess so." Dick chuckles, jerking his head toward the woods. "Bruce has the place rigged. He has to know that." Dick says, amusement in his voice as you btoh start walking in the direction Crane ran.

"Yeah, that's what Jason said." You laugh softly. "Part of your training was to avoid them." You mock softly as you hear Crane yell from a few yards ahead of you. "So, Crane failed."

"Jason told you about this place?"

"Just that and that it was brutal. He told me about the other stuff, not really this." You suck in a breath, watching the leaves crunch beneath your shoes. 

The two of you find Crane strung up in a net in the trees. Dick sticks his hands in his pockets looking only mildly amused while you're on the verge of bursting into a fit of laughter. If it were up to you, you'd just leave him there and let the birds of prey get to him. A slow and painful death sounds perfect for him.

"You're supposed to be smart but you didn't think there would be a trap?" You question as you look up to Crane who just glares down at you.

"Are you done now?" Dick asks, looking up to Crane.

Crane scowls at you btoh. Dick goes to cut him down and offers no warning before Crane falls right to the ground. You start laughing as you watch Crane groan from the ground.

"I find that funny." You beam down at him.

"You're not pleasant." Crane glares back at you.

"I know." Sam shrugs cheerfully. "Neither are you." You widen your eyes to mock him.

"Get up." Dick grabs Crane by the arm, dragging him to his feet. "Are you having fun?" Dick asks you.

"Yes, yes I am." You basically skip as the three of you start walking.

"Ah, is this where you carve up your victims?" Crane asks after a few minutes of walking, Dick pushing him from the back.

"Just keep walking." Dick states.

"Dick wouldn't make a good Leatherface. He's too nice." You grin wildly back at Crane before you gain a pep in your step. You don't see it but Dick almost grins.

The three of you get to the cabin and Dick plops Crane in a chair at the table before he chains him to the table. You take a seat at a chair to the left of Crane, mostly so he's in hitting distance in case he tries something again.

"It's not what you think it is." Crane warns. "Look, I had nothing to with what happened to your friend. What's his name, Hawk?"

"You don't get to talk about him." Dick threatens.

"It was Red Hood who did it. The kid's a monster."

You grit your teeth as Crane speaks. Jason isn't a fucking monster. He was never a monster. He was never a poison. He was never bad. He was always just a victim of everything around him and you're sick of people making him out to be this horrible, no good, and irredeemable person because that is not Jason Todd. And it shouldn't ever be.

"Bullshit! You were the one that made Jason into a monster." Dick yells back and a part of you almost lets out a breath of relief because finally, someone else sees it. "The attack at Arkham was a phony. It wasn't a hit. It was just an excuse to get your ass out of Blackgate. Red Hood's your protege. And I know he's coming here to save you."

"You may be overestimating him."

"He'll come. He knows this place." Dick states. "Bruce took him here, too. It's where he trained us." Dick says before he opens one of the cabinets, revealing monitors with feeds to cameras around the property. "We'll see him coming a mile away."

It's as if every time you find something more about Bruce, the more you think he's insane. You're pretty sure he didn't really need that many monitors or need to throw kids into the woods to train them.

"So, why would he walk into a trap?" Crane asks.

"Because he can't help himself. Because you made him feel invincible. Because I brought her." Dick glances to you and you almost scoff. You're only here because you have information and the ability to continue to get information.

"You think I changed him? Oh, buddy, no. I got news for you. That kid came to me broken, okay? All I did was rebuild him. And it was easy, too after what you did to him in SF. And that Titans business, what a twisted mind-fuck. I kind of wish I'd actually thought of that myself." Crane looks to you. "And you're using another kid. How did that work out last time?"

"He's not using me you fucking prick. He didn't want me to come." You grit your teeth at him. "Jason was never fucking broken."

That's the thing that even Jason never got. He was never broken. He wasn't damaged goods and he wasn't a poison. He was just Jason Todd and he had his problems but he wasn't broken. He was hurt and there is a very big difference between being broken and damaged and just being hurt. He never needed to be fixed.

"You didn't fucking fix him. He never needed to be fucking fixed. You just made him worse and then convinced him he was fixed." You bite back.

"Oh, is that right? Tell me, why didn't he come to you? He's better now, isn't he? He told me all about you." Crane taunts in a way that is almost effortless.

"No, he's not better and I'm willing to bet he didn't." You suck in a breath, trying desperately not to let Crane win. But, you really were never good about maintaining your temper when it comes to people you love.

"Acid generation, held captive, tortured. Dick found you. All that SF stuff, you were there. Right with him. You couldn't save him then."

Dick almost expects you to finally snap. Jason told Crane about you and that should have been his line to never cross. You have done everything in your power not to cross the line to loop Dick in and Dick actually wants to help. But then you just start grinning because if that's all Crane knows then he doesn't know everything. Which means, Jason was always just trying to keep you at a distance from him. A part of him didn't trust Crane enough and you're hoping you can peck at that like Crane's been doing to every other part of Jason.

"Yeah, all true." You nod your head. "But, you're wrong about him. And you're wrong about Dick, too." You deflect, trying not to give away Jason hiding something from him.

Dick takes his chance to get the conversation away from you. You shouldn't be bullied by Crane and you might snap if Crane continues. "It's not true. Whatever Jason told you."

"Isn't it? Isn't that what you do to all the young people that you fail? Abandon them. Or kill them. How is that little witch girl, by the way?" Crane questions. "Or the mute boy. Oh." Crane scoffs. "You must be so sorry about all of that now."

Dick isn't going to play into Crane's hand, it's what he wants. "Time to eat." Dick tosses him an unopened can of food "Watch him. I'm gonna get some wood." Dick states as he puts on his coat and heads out.

You watch as Crane looks at the label and rolls his eyes. As far as you're concerned, he should be thankful Dick tossed him any type of food to begin with. You wouldn't be feeding him. But you admire Dick's ability to stay calm and not feed into Crane's bullshit.

On the way to Arkham to grab him, Dick gave you an entire run down of dos and don'ts. Your research into him is just what Bruce had but it's nothing compared to actually meeting him as he tries to get inside of everyone's heads. Dick made it clear that Crane would try to say anything to convince you to side with him. He warned you about him being charismatic and a master manipulator, even though that part was in Bruce's file. And while you're listening to him, you do wonder why Dick is so good at it or at least pretending to be good at it.

"So, whose side are you really on?" Crane asks. "I find it hard to believe you're really working with Dick here."

"I guess you'll find out, won't you? Or does it matter? I'm guessing you told Jason I wasn't on his side anyway." You lean back in your chair as you cross your arms.

"Aren't you?" Crane asks. "You're here with him. Trying to use me to capture him. That does not sound like you're on his side." Crane raises his brows as if he's trying to seem innocent in his reasoning.

"I'm always on his side. You just like to manipulate people. Saving him from you is on his side. Me and Dick just have a mutual interest in the situation." You keep your voice level, trying to mimic Dick.

"Do you think he'll believe you? He hasn't taken your side yet. Like I said, he's a monster." Crane offers a delicate shrug of his shoulder and it almost sets you off. And Crane knows it because calling Jason broken already did.

"He's not a monster. You are. People who are manipulated and drugged into doing monstrous things are not monsters. But good try." You quip back.

"Drugged?" Crane questions, acting confused and you know you slipped.

How does Dick deal with him without giving anything away? But you're also good on your feet. You've always been good at thinking of lies and believable ones.

"Don't play dumb. That's how you got to him, right? Has to be. There's no other reason he'd be doing all of this. Jason gets tortured and ends up with PTSD. He dies, comes back, and works with you and now he's suddenly not having any PTSD symptoms. It's a drug, right? You said you fixed him." You shrug your shoulders as Crane gains a cornered grin.

"You are confident, aren't you? Tell me, what do you think he'll do when he sees you here? Do you think he will really just walk away from it all? I have news for you, you're not that important to him." Crane sneers back as you're starting to get under his skin.

"I know." You state, letting yourself hurt. If you don't sound hurt, he can go back and tell Jason you don't care. "But it's worth a shot anyway. And I want you to know, you are only alive right now because Dick is here. You're on my list."

"That's right. Bluejay, the hero turns killer. Sound familiar? You birds think you're above people like me but three of the four of you are killers now. Look how similar we are."

"Bruce killed a homicidal psychopathic sadist. I kill people who kill and hurt kids. You turned Jason into a killer. We are not the same."

"Are you making the rules for killing now? Oh, that's good. How's that working out for you? Do you think after this is over, Dick will let it slide? All the Titans? I think you'll be in a cell right next to mine."

"Nope. Nice try though. You can't manipulate me as much as you try." You offer him a sarcastic grin.

"How's this: your boyfriend came to me instead of you. He trusts me with his secrets more than you. He hasn't even looped you in or tried to get you on our side. He told me all about how you got together, too. He told me about your little friend Gar. The green fella. How you picked him over Jason. That's a cruel thing you did." Crane explains as you can feel your blood start to boil. "Honestly, he does deserve so much better than you just for that alone. You know, he hasn't mentioned you since. Looks like he means more to you than you do to him. Maybe he was the one using you." Crane shrugs his shoulders easily.

It shouldn't bother you because Crane is just doing what he does. He's trying to get under your skin to get you to snap or side with him. He's trying to get you to reveal your weaknesses so he can use them against you. You know. But, it's really difficult because even Crane saying it is confirmation to you. You know Jason deserves better. It was always a thought you had the entire time. But, it was the fact Jason chose you anyway and you chose him. Now, you're here though where it feels more like Crane might have a point. You aren't going to give that away though.

You lean forward towards Crane. "Look, I need you to understand this: I am coming for you. You can say whatever you want about Jason and why he came to you and whatever you wanna think. But one thing is certain, you are not going to make it out of this alive, Crane. I made a promise the day he died. I was going to come for every single person that made Jason Todd feel like he was not good enough, that he had something to prove, that made him believe he were a monster. I'm coming for you. You're alive now because of Dick, that is it. But once Dick gets what he wants, I'm going to kill you. Your days are numbered." You huff as you lean back in your seat.

"You won't do it." Crane taunts. "I matter to that boy of yours. You won't want him to leave you based on you not being able to control your killer instincts. I helped him with a cure. Do you think he'll forget that?"

"Then I'll live with the consequences. He'll understand one day and if I lose him, fine. But at least you can't fucking hurt him anymore."

"Like you have? It seems you've hurt him the most by not trusting him. I bet he's just devasted by you being here with Dick."

"Fuck you." You scoff.

"Yeah, that's right. You pretend to talk a big game but I know who you really are. You only look out for yourself. I get it. I really do. You had no choice out there on the streets and with your abusive foster father. It's your defense mechanism. Killing me isn't for Jason, it's for you. You can claim you saved him from me, a way to get to him and control him, use him the way you always have. Whenever something goes wrong, you go to him, don't you? You used him for the manor and the money. The weapons."

You suck in a breath and you think maybe Dick is just a better person than you are. He is, at the very least, more patient.

You get up and take a right hook to Crane's face as Crane yells out. You lean down, putting your hands on your knees. "You don't know who the fuck I am. Stop pretending like you do. Everything I do is not for me."

Crane spits blood onto the floor. "Really? Because this whole conversation you haven't said a word on how you feel about our boy. It's been about what you're going to do."

"Do you think I'm stupid enough to tell you how I feel about Jason? Or any details about us? You'll use it against me and him and I'm not desperate. I'm not falling for it. You don't get to know a damn thing about us from me."

"I already do." Crane grins wildly. "And I know how to get him to turn on you. I really hoped maybe you would come around to our side but...Jason will figure it out. I'll make sure of that."

You shouldn't do it and you know you shouldn't but you straighten your stance, pull your fist back, and punch him in the face again.

"You are so annoying." You groan as you take a step back just as the door opens.

Dick spots Crane hunched over in pain, spitting more blood onto the floor and you looking significantly more annoyed than when he left.

"Really?" Dick questions as he walks back in carrying firewood.

"If you didn't see that coming, that's on you, Dickolas." You sigh as you sit back down. "It was two punches, he's fine."

"I'm in pain!" Crane yells, gesturing with his cuffed hands.

"Oh, boo-hoo." You scrunch your face. "You're fine." You roll your eyes as you lean back in your chair, crossing your arms.

Dick ignores the bickering as he gets the fire going. The room starts to fall silent but with Jonathan Crane around, the room can't remain quiet for very long. Apparently, Crane wants to try and work Dick again.

"So, what's your plan here?" Crane asks.

"I told you. Wait for Red Hood and take him out."

"No, I mean, I mean in Gotham. You stepping into Daddy's shoes? Now don't get me wrong, I mean, you know, we all want to please our parents. That's why I became a doctor. You see how well that worked out, right?" Crane chuckles softly.

"You actually think we're the same?" Dick asks as he takes off his coat.

"No, no, no. What I'm saying is that we all get stuck on this hamster wheel," Crane sighs. "Trying to live up to the expectations of others. We always think that it's gonna turn out...different but the outcome is somehow always the same."

"And is that what you told Jason?" Dick asks.

"No, I'm talking about you. You come back here and you wanna bathe Gotham in blood as if that's somehow a better outcome than anything that Batman ever did. Bruce was a psychopath. He was using fear to control everyone, including his sons. I mean, he did it to Jason and he did it to you. And you and Jason, you both use that fear. You wield it like a weapon, but it hurts people, right? It hurts people that you care about. Like Hawk. It's still Bruce's game. Isn't it? It always has been." Crane pauses as the room goes silent. "Is there something on your mind?"

Dick chuckles softly. "Fear is your friend."

"What's that?"

"Bruce used to say it." Dick states. "He said, 'Fear reveals your weakness...and it gives you the chance to make it your strength."

"Hmm." Crane hums. "And him being the man that is, he...needed to make sure that you were afraid, didn't he?"

"I was out here all alone once. Bruce made me go out into the forest by myself for the first time. I had no idea what was out there." Dick starts as he tells the story about being chased by a wolf and being terrified he was going to be eaten alive, Bruce nowhere to help him.

"You were just a boy and those were the lessons that he taught you." Crane lets out a sigh as he shakes his head. "It's not your fault. But you need to make sure that this doesn't happen to someone else. That it stops with you. Now you let Gotham take care of Gotham. The water will find its level. Stop trying to prove something here."

Before Dick can respond, the alarm starts going off about a perimeter break. Your heart sinks with the alarm. Jason really just can't help himself. He has to come and prove something. Maybe, just maybe, Crane might have a point about that, actually. You hate to even think that but...Jason just showed up to prove something. He went to Crane to prove to Bruce he was good enough. Crane might be an asshole but he is making a little bit of a point, actually.

"But, the thing about that is, I've already proved myself." Dick states. "That night when I was a kid...without Bruce." Dick finishes the story, saying he was the one that killed the wolf with all the gory details. "I shouldn't have been afraid of the wolf. The wolf should have been afraid of me. Now, let's get you all fixed up. Company's coming." Dick starts undoing Crane's chains as you sit with wide eyes.

Maybe everyone is a monster. Or capable of being one. Maybe everyone has a monster inside of them but it's about what they use the monster for that actually makes them monstrous or not. Dick had no choice, do or die.

You know the wolf probably just wanted him out of its territory. Wolves have only attacked twice in North America since the early 1900s. Wolves aren't animals to typically fear. He didn't know any better but he was a monster that night to the wolf. And you know Dick isn't a monster. Not at his core. And you aren't either. And you know Jason isn't. But you've all done monstrous things out of self-preservation. Out of fear.

Maybe how people use that fear and those ideas is what makes them a monster. And if that's true, maybe most people can be saved. Maybe the monster just needs to know other ways to deal with the fear that fuels it.

You and Dick suit up once Crane is ready and you both head out to the woods. The plan is to subdue Jason, not kill him and then bring him back. That's it. You'll have him detox from the drug at the manor where it's safe. It'll be a two-on-one fight. And Dick is still a better fighter than Jason. You should be able to do this. So, you both head to the woods and you spot Jason down looking through the scope of a gun. 

Dick and you tread lightly, you staying further off to the side and behind Dick. You don't particularly want to fight Jason again if you don't have to, especially since you're sober. You know you actually might be here more to make sure they don't kill each other and just in case. Which is fine with you. But, as the two of you start to close in on Jason, Crane cuts the lights and Dick steps on a twig making Jason spin around immediately, blocking Dick's first hit. 

Dick tackles Jason, sending the two of them down a small hill. You follow the two of them just in time to see them both get back to their feet. Dick gets his enigma sticks in hand while Jason pulls out two pistols. The two of them start throwing hits using their weapons but the second Jason starts actually firing his gun, you step in.

You come in from the side, taking a kick to Jason's arm which gives Dick the opportunity to hit Jason in the knee. The hit sends Jason to the ground as he kneels, looking up to Dick as you walk beside him.

"Wow, classic moves. You even fight like Bats, huh?" Jason quips.

"Let it rest, Jay." You state and you can't see it, but he's surprised you're here fighting him. With Dick. And he's pissed. He really hoped you would take your shot at Crane even though he knew you wouldn't. You're just on Dick's side, lying to him.

"Not a chance, babe." Jason states. "Thought you wanted your shot at Crane, huh?"

"Yeah, I do but you're the one shooting the gun so." You shrug. "Not worth it." You shake your head softly as Jason grits his teeth under his helmet.

"We'll see." Jason says before quickly taking another shot at Dick, just as Dick moves out of the way.

You kick Jason just as Dick spins around and electrocutes Jason with his enigma stick. Jason falls back to the ground but only for a few seconds before he's back on his feet. He starts firing, trying to follow where Dick is going while you throw a knife, blade towards you at Jason's arm. It knocks his aim off just enough and Dick takes a shot with one of the enigma sticks. He uses it like a boomerang as it flies past Jason and hits his arm on the way back. 

The three of you continue to fight, Jason mostly trying to target Dick and only defending himself against you. But, it's two to one and Jason is growing more annoyed at the entire situation. You know when he's going to fight back and Dick is flipping around. But, he's trying until Dick gets a good hit to his arm, knocking it useless for a few minutes.

Jason is hunched over, holding his arm against his torso while you and Dick stand in front of him. You never wanted him to get hurt here. None of you should be getting hurt, especially at the hands of each other.

"You told Crane everything?" Dick questions. "Everything!?" Dick yells. "This ends here."

"What did you think was gonna happen?" Jason straightens his stance. "After what you did to me. After what you let happen!"

"This isn't on me! You made your own choices."

You take a step back and this is definitely their fight. You were always on Jason's side with what happened. But, it's been hashed out. It was talked through months ago. Whatever mind game Crane played for all of this to resurface is insane. But, you suck in a breath because while the stuff that happened in San Francisco is Dicks' fault, the stuff that's happened here isn't. Not really. It's more Bruce's fault but Bruce is nowhere to be found so you figure Dick is just an easy target. Jason, clearly, doesn't see the irony in that one.

"Like you made yours? Come on, dude, you're just like the old man. A copy. Everything you do. Everything is because of him." Jason says as he throws something at Dick and shoots it sending off a flash bang.

Dick and you get blinded which gives Jason the oppurtunity to take several swings at Dick before he has him in a choke hold, Dick on his knees. Jason holds a gun to his head and for a second, he thinks he's finally won.

"But not for long."

After all of this torturous hell, he's won. This can be the endgame. He gets Dick and he gets to snuff out the person he thinks is responsible for all of his pain. That's what this was about. But, you come back into view with the flashbang wearing off and you stand directly in front of Jason just a few feet away from him.

"Put the gun down, Jason." You grit your teeth.

"You on his side now?" Jason asks.

"Fuck." You groan. "No, but I fucking told you, you're not killing him." You seethe as you pull out a knife. "Let him fucking go, Jason."

"You know what he did!" Jason yells.

"No, I know what he did then and you squashed that shit. The shit that happened here isn't on him. You wanna blame someone then blame me." You shrug as you hold the knife steady and ready to be thrown in a split second.

The words catch Jason off guard. Crane has been telling him this whole time that you're the reason he suffered here. You're one of the reasons. If it weren't for you, it would have just been him getting to be Robin. You were good at it. Maybe Bruce saw you as a way to replace Jason. He never had any problems overcoming anything but you get in the picture and he can't even sleep at night. It all came back to you and now you're standing in front of him taking the blame.

"So, you are with him then, right?" Jason asks and Dick can feel Jason's grip starting to loosen. "You're just like him. You got a suit and now you think you're another bat. Dick's right, this ends here."

"I am always with you." You urge. "But, if you wanna blame someone for the shit here, then it should be me and Bruce, not Dick. So, let him go. You know I won't miss."

"So, try it." Jason threatens, he knows you won't. You would never throw a knife directly at him in case you do miss or he moves or you hit Dick. You wouldn't take the risk with them involved.

"Gotham PD! Drop your weapons!" You all hear from a helicopter above you.

The three of you look up to a spotlight on them. Dick takes the opportunity to grab Jason's arm, the gun firing as Dick grabs him. The gun fires directly at you but luckily, it misses as you dodge it just in time thanks to throbbing in the front of your head. The boys don't notice as they continue their fight and at this point, you're fed up with the two of them. 

"You almost shot me!" You yell and for a second, the two of them freeze, looking at you. "I've had it with you two idiots." You lunge forward and join the fight with the two of them.

The three of you end up fighting each other, you unsure of whose side you're on now. Dick pulled his arm so the gun would aim at you and Jason managed to pull the trigger in the struggle. It's ridiculous but as you all fight each other, a shot goes off from above you and it comes down right in the middle of the chaos, sending Dick off to the left and you and Jason off to the right.

Jason is the first to his feet and he sees you struggling to breathe after having the wind knocked out of you. Despite it all, that voice that tells him to side with you, is louder than usual. Something about seeing you possibly hurt sends his head into a static panic. So, grabs you and starts pulling you into the woods and away from Dick. You groan and you can see Dick still on the ground. If he's not on his feet now but Jason is, you're starting to think he was the one shot in this mess. This whole thing went to shit real fucking quick.

"Let go of me!" You yell, wiggling out of his grasp.

Jason takes a step back, putting his hands up and away from you. "Are you okay?" Jason asks as he takes his helmet off.

You spin around on your butt, eyes wide in disbelief. "Seriously!?" You get to your feet and rip off your mask. "No! I'm not okay! You two almost shot me. You killed Hank. This shit sucks! You're trying to kill Dick and you're thinking I'm turning on you, for fucks sake. What do I have to do to prove to you that I'm not everyone else!?"

It's wearing off, he can feel it off. The guilt is washing over him slowly and he hates this feeling. The withdrawal is starting to kick in and he wants to start ripping his hair out. Everything starts to hurt, slowly and steadily.

"Get out of here then." Jason turns around to walk away.

You run up behind him and grab him. He doesn't get to off so easily this time. "Get the fuck off of that drug for one fucking day and tell me Crane is on your damn side. I'm sick of this shit, Jason."

"So, stop following me." Jason turns to face you. 

"Come home." You grit your teeth and you know it's a waste of breath but you try anyway. After talking with Crane and seeing how easy it is to manipulate people, you're more afraid for him than you were before.

"I can't!" Panic seeps into his voice and he hates the way it sounds.

"Bullshit! Yes, you can!" Your voice starts to tremble as your nose scrunches.

He can't. He doesn't belong there. It was never home. They don't want him there. They don't get it. No one believes in him and they don't care about him. Crane has shown that he does. Crane has to be right about them. Jason can't afford for Crane to be wrong. He can't just go home. It doesn't work like that.

"No! Get out of here before Crane finds us! Go!"

The wording catches you off guard. He is worried what Crane will think if you're together. Crane said Jason hasn't mentioned you once and you didn't think too much of it, assuming it was because Jason just had his sight set on whatever the hell Crane wanted him to do. But, maybe Jason just left your name out of it the same way you just did. To protect each other. You need to find a way to work with that. Jason knows, deep down, something is off and you have to get through to that part of him but you don't know how. For the first time since meeting him, you don't know what will work with him.

"Jay," You plead with him. "He's not on your side. He is using you! Just like Bruce did. Please, come with me." You reach for his hand but Jason pulls it away. "Please."

He shakes his head. It's not worn off nearly enough for that to work. It has worn enough though for him to feel for you. "I'm sorry." Jason puts his free hand on your shoulder, searching your face but all he sees is the water brimming in your eyes. "I'm sorry I almost shot you. But, go. Get out of here." His voice is stern but there's a slight quiver to his words.

You shake your head softly as your heart breaks and you wonder how much more your heart can take before it finally just gives up. "Watch your back, Jay." You state softly, lacking any and all venom that should come with those words. "With Crane. I got the Titans, okay? If you have ever trusted me at all, watch your back, please."

"What do you mean you have the Titans?" Jason asks, his brows furrowing as he drops his hand.

"I got them covered, don't worry about them. Worry about Crane." You nod your head softly as you place your hand on his cheek. "Seriously, Jay, be careful." You nod once before you slide your hand from his face and turn around, making your way through the trees and back to where Dick was.

Jason watches you leave and he can't help but wonder what the hell you mean by watching himself with Crane. Of course, he knows you don't trust him. You wouldn't trust anyone like Crane, it's one of the reasons Jason never looped you in before he died. But, this feels different and he doesn't know why. Crane wouldn't tell you anything but you seem genuinely worried and maybe Jason should be questioning Crane a little more. He hasn't told Jason the entire plan yet anyway.

You get back to the clearing but Dick is nowhere to be found. You let out a sigh of relief figuring Dick must be okay if he's not here. So, you start your walk back to the cabin. When you get back, you find Dick standing in the doorway, holding his shoulder.

"You okay?" You ask from behind him.

Dick turns around quickly and for a second, he was worried they took you. You're the one who says you have a habit of being kidnapped. It was that or maybe you did side with them in the end. But, here you are looking absolutely defeated.

"Yeah, you?"

"You're bleeding." You state as you point to the blood leaking around his hand holding his shoulder.

"It's nothing. Are you okay?" Dick questions again.

"Yeah, I'm fine. You two morons missed me." You quip back as you roll your eyes. "You got shot though so that's a problem."

"It's fine." Dick states and suddenly you know where Jason gets it from. They aren't even blood-related and it's always 'it's fine' and 'I'm fine'. "Crane is gone so we need to get back."

"Good luck explaining that to Babs." You suck in a breath, pushing past Dick to grab your things from the cabin. "Sorry." You offer a yikes look based on the scowl you're receiving from Dick.

"Come on, let's go." Dick nods his head towards the door before the two of you head back to the car to get back to the manor.

As you head back to the manor, you're stuck hoping against everything in you that tonight was enough for Jason. It has to be enough to convince him. It has to.

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A/n: There's more Jason in the next chapter and in the rest of the chapters lol I am going into season 4. I have a plan lol We also do circle back to the whole fight between him and the reader later!!

Tag list: @fairyofshampoo // @italiana-20 // @jasontoddsmentaldisorders // @purplerose291 // @lovelessamai  // @makaelaseresin // @lenidaslenchen // @mayfieldss  // @ghostkingblake // @im-done-with-this-im-out // @velvetskies // @lilylovelyxo // @cryinghotmess // @yesimwriting // @vivian-555 // @stainedstardom // @baebeepeach // @legend-o-zelda // @harleycao // @somehow-lovable-trash  // @xx-all-purpose-nerd-xx // @deyja-the-duck // @jasontoddslover //  @captainmarvels-blog // @totallynotkaibiased // @scarlovesyou // @whydoyoucare866 // @littlemeowmeow1000 // @ginger24880 // @septixtrash // @kplatzman // @urmomsgayforme5

[karizard-ao3]

My reactions to Evangelion episode 11: the Day Tokyo-3 Stood Still

That Eren Jaeger-looking guy from NERV is even more Eren Jaeger-looking than I realized now that I see him in his casual wear.

The Magi were mentioned before but I didn't think about them too much, but I didn't realize the supercomputers were the city's government? Unless I'm misunderstanding. That seems... unwise.

Are they going to make out in the elevator again?

I guess not :(

Shinji is so nervous about talking to his dad.

God, Gendo is an asshole.

Wait the power just went out. They're trapped in the elevator together. Maybe there's still a chance!

They're taking life support away from parts of the compound for the sake of the supercomputers? What, they can't handle a little anarchy while they get things back up and running? I am suspicious.

Shinji is a detail-oriented boy. There's nothing wrong with that.

Asuka is starting to grow on me lol. She's so hot-headed.

Sabotage!!!

Asuka is so threatened by Rei, who is literally just minding her own business all of the time.

Of course she wants to elect a group leader lol.

Lol it's getting hot in that elevator, huh?

They have their feet in buckets lol

Asuka calling Rei "Miss Perfect". She is totally threatened.

I'm wondering if Kaji is behind this blackout.

Shinji is such a philosophical boy.

Making Shinji choose between the two of them 😂

Oh, god. Asuka led them right to the Angel.

They keep almost getting into things i want to know about and then cutting to a new scene :(

They only have, like, five minutes of power when they aren't plugged in, right?

Good job, Shinji! Always saving the day when they need it.

Oh, they had battery backpacks.

I fear that Asuka might be bad at tactical planning and this is going to backfire somehow.

Nevermind, it worked.

So, she's the type to keep score. Makes sense.

How could we even know why the Angels are attacking, Asuka? I think we all shall see soon enough!

In Conclusion

Shinji is very reliable. He isn't very innovative or much of a take charge type, but he is always there as backup.

I'm interested to know why Rei thinks she's not getting special treatment (unless I misheard that part).

I enjoyed getting to see a bit more of the team dynamic between the Children.

I'm not sure if I'm supposed to be impressed Gendo got the Evas prepared manually for the pilots. Someone (Was it Ritsuko or the other woman?) framed it like he had a lot of faith in the pilots and that's why he did it, but I kind of feel like he is the worst and I'm not willing to give him the benefit of the doubt.

I think Kaji is probably working as a double agent and perhaps knows more than the rest of us do. He seems to be operating under other orders (or additional orders). I wonder what his goal is here?

[a-mere-dream]

For the prompts thing: Shen Yuan and Shen Jiu are the same person and Yue Qingyuan is aware of this, so he has no idea what to make of Shen Qingqiu telling him about the transmigration and that he’s not Shen Jiu

Anon, this AU has existed in a dusty corner of my notes app for far too long. Thanks for giving me an excuse to write it.

So Shen Qingqiu has some questions. First of all, is this even Proud Immortal Demon Way? It must be, right? Because the larger strokes all mesh, even if the details... don't.

It's hard to explain. Have you ever read one of those exaggerated whump fanfics? The ones where the Protagonist suffers left and right, and teachers and parents and basically Every Adult Ever is an abusive piece of shit? Shit's dark and people die.

And then, eventually, you return to the source material. And sure, things suck, but definitely not to that degree.

That is what Shen Qingqiu is feeling right now. It's like Proud Immortal Demon Way is an edgy teenager's fanfic of some nicer, kinder world, and that world is where Shen Qingqiu ended up. Somehow.

Because he asks Yue Qingyuan where Binghe is, and he is told that the boy is in the dorms, since it's late and he needs to get a good night's sleep in order to properly participate in tomorrow's lessons. And when he meets Liu Qingge, it is not in some kind of battle to the death, but because the man kicked in the door and told him he lost his fan again. He smiles, and doesn't get an OOC warning--once, he even gets told to lighten up a little or it'd be suspicious!

Don't get him wrong, he's not complaining. It's very nice to be able to meet the Protagonist when he's looking happy and healthy! But... No, there's not even a but. It's nice, period.

Time passes, and Shen Qingqiu learns to relax.

Shen Qingqiu--the old Shen Qingqiu, the Original Goods--still seems to have been a strict teacher. If you ask around, you'll hear he rarely talks to people, that he's always cold and distant and has the nerves of a spooked deer.

But you'll also hear that he is an innovative genius at teaching, and that his punishments are fair and educative. No beatings. Ever. He doesn't believe in them, apparently.

Shen Qingqiu isn't sure what to do about that, really. He lies awake at night and thinks up ways to make this world a better place, a kinder one, and then in the morning he is told that actually, he has already introduced that change a decade or so ago.

(He feels like a fool, like people are judging him for not being aware what is going on on his own Peak. But even when his hands twitch with repressed violence, none of his people ever look scared.)

And then there's Yue Qingyuan.

Yue Qingyuan is...

He's a warm, gentle man for one, but that should be obvious. He was that even in a far crueller world. He's also deeply, terribly weird.

Whenever Shen Qingqiu does something that conflicts with what he is supposed to know--a metaphor without context, a language from halfway across the world--Yue Qingyuan does not even bother to look confused. He simply accepts his lack of understanding, and moves on. Maybe he bothers to check if he has missed an important layer of meaning from Shen Qingqiu instructions, but even that is rare.

Even so, when Shen Qingqiu finally decides that he should reveal his identity, fueled by a Yue Qingyuan who expects him to be his friend instead of a distant coworker... it doesn't quite go the way he had expected it would.

"My name is Shen Yuan," he says, and waits for the inevitable questions and distrust and violence.

Yue Qingyuan only nods with an understanding expression. "A-Yuan is feeling weird about names again, then?"

"... I suppose?" Shen Qingqiu says slowly. "You aren't--you're not upset?"

"It's alright," Yue Qingyuan says, and shrugs. "Tell me when it changes again." And that seems to be that.

"I am not from this world," Shen Qingqiu says two days later, half a room and a wide Sect Leader's desk between them, and having decided the point obviously hadn't gotten across.

"You are now," Yue Qingyuan says, and it sounds like something he has said often. "What are you struggling with today? Has anyone made you feel unwelcome?"

"No, I don't mean in a class sense. I mean I am literally not from this world."

Yue Qingyuan looks unperturbed. "And the same goes on that front. Really, did anyone bother A-Yuan?"

Shen Qingqiu throws his hands in the air and gives up for the day.

"I don't remember our childhood together."

"Yes, I am aware of A-Yuan's memory issues. Mu-shidi says it should all work out. Is there anything specific you need to know?"

Shen Qingqiu takes a deep breath and calms himself. "Because that wasn't me," he says slowly, staring Yue Qingyuan in the eyes and begging him to understand. "My name is Shen Yuan. I transmigrated into Shen Jiu."

"... And?"

"And?" Shen Qingqiu sputters. "And what? Shen Jiu's dead and he's not coming back, are you not mad?"

Yue Qingyuan blinks. "I'm missing something. Is that a pop-culture reference?"

"How do you know what pop-culture is?!" Shen Qingqiu screeches.

"A-Yuan has told me?" Yue Qingyuan looks politely confused, like he isn't quite sure if it is him or Shen Qingqiu that is not following the script for the conversation, but he's apologetic about it either way.

"When?!" Shen Qingqiu waves his arms around. "When would I have done that?" He freezes. "Oh god," he says. "Do I really have memory issues?" He doesn't think he's missing any time, but...

"I don't quite remember." Yue Qingyuan's thick eyebrows pull together. "I was somewhere between six and eight? It was winter, if that helps?"

"Ahaha," Shen Qingqiu says. "Repeat that, please."

"I was probably eight," Yue Qingyuan says, deep in thought. "It was after the thing with the dogs, but before that time with the hay... but right, you don't remember that."

Shen Qingqiu is not ashamed to admit he bluescreens a little.

"So tell me again," he says two hours later, a steaming cup of tea clasped between his hands and a thick black robe laid over his shoulders. "I have always...?"

"A-Yuan is Xiao Jiu is Shen Qingqiu, yes," Yue Qingyuan says patiently. Ever perceptive, he follows it up with, "Are you having a name-thing again?"

"No." Shen Qingqiu scowls. "Yes. Maybe."

It really does explain an awful lot about this world.

"And Mu-shidi says my memories will return?" he asks, not quite sure what he's feeling about that. He knows that the past itself won't turn him into a monster; he knows that he has always been far better equiped to survive this world with his heart intact than the blank-page version of his soul would have been.

"There is a large chance, yes." Yue Qingyuan hides a smile, instantly making Shen Qingqiu suspicious. "Of course I hope they will, but I won't mind much if they don't. A-Yuan reminds me a lot of how he was as a child. It's endearing."

"I am twenty!" Shen Qingqiu sputters. "Hardly a child."

"I recall you saying the same thing when you were, ah," he holds his hand a meter or so from the floor, "about this tall. You were very insistent you were the more mature one, and should thus be listened to."

"If I were an adult, of course you should have listened," Shen Qingqiu says, the argument feeling oddly wellworn on his tongue.

"Perhaps," Yue Qingyuan admits easily. "But I had had a growth spurt, and you had not, so you could never have convinced child-me of that." He tips his head forward. "Of course, right now I am the older one. Listen to big brother and drink your tea, everything will be fine."

[marie-swriting]

Anything Serious - Natasha "Phoenix" Trace

Masterlist

Summary : Three times you flirt with Natasha and one time, you confess your feelings.

Warnings : Angst, happy ending, alcohol consumption (be careful with your acohol consumption), thowing up, drunk confession, implied sex but noting explicit, maybe some grammatical mistakes as English is not my first language, tell me if you see some or if I missed any warnings.

Word count : 4.7k

French version

Song inspiration : Flirting With Her by Sir Babygirl

“Here to being single !” you yell before taking a shot with your two friends Sarah and Alison.

The sound of your glass being put down on the table resonates in the bar. The alcohol burns your throat but you still let go of a victory scream. Tonight, you’re celebrating your single life like you just screamed. 

You were in a relationship for the past three years before your ex broke up with you for someone else who, apparently, is better than you. You’re not going to lie, a week ago, you were a mess. You were inconsolable, you only left your home for work and you’d stay in front of the TV doing nothing. Fortunately, thanks to your best friend’s encouragement, you realised it was her loss, not yours. That’s why you want to celebrate the fact that you’re single and without any string attached. 

“I’m finally gonna be able to do things I’ve always wanted to do and it’ll be easy.” you announce with joy. “I’m gonna have fun, go out as much as I want without any drama. You were right, Sarah, this is the best thing that could’ve ever happened to me. And I am telling you two, I’m gonna have so much fun…” you continue while your eyes find a woman with raven hair, “with her, for example. She is beautiful.”

“Well, the single phase would have been long.” Alison laughs as you keep looking at the woman.

“Who said I wanted to date again?”

“You’ve just fallen for her.”

“So what ? It doesn’t mean it has to be serious.”

“But you only do serious relationships.” Sarah contradicts.

“Not anymore.” you state before ordering a new shot.

“You sure you wanna do this?”

“Totally! She’s in the Navy,” you explain, pointing at her uniform, “so she won’t be here for too long, in other words, if it goes right then perfect and if it goes wrong, then I won’t have to worry about seeing her again. It’s a win-win situation.”

“Then, go shoot your shot !” Alison encourages.

“Sure do !” you exclaim before drinking your shot.

You make sure your outfit is put together before going to the bar under your friends’ encouragement. First, you talk to Penny and pay for a cocktail. You patiently wait for Penny to give it to the woman and explain to her it’s from you. Once Penny goes to another client, the raven-haired woman’s eyes land on you while she smiles and takes a sip of the drink. You take this as a good sign so you stand up and go sit next to her.

“Thanks for the cocktail. Good choice.” she comments, drinking a bit more.

“Glad you like it. I’m Y/N and you?”

“Natasha.”

“What’s your callsign?”

Natasha looks at you, surprised, not expecting this would be a detail you were interested in.

“Phoenix.” Natasha informs with a confident smile.

“I bet your callsign suits you well.”

“You tell me. What brings you here tonight?” she questions, intrigued.

“I’m just enjoying my new freedom and you?”

“Nothing special, I’m relaxing after my day at work.”

“You’re here on a deployment?”

“Yes, I’m only here for two weeks. I want to make the best out of it.”

“As do I.” you state with a flirty smile. “You should join my friends and I. We’re gonna play darts. You’re more than welcome.”

“I will.”

You smile at Natasha then go back to your friends, your mouth wide open, simulating a scream of joy. Your friends ask you a lot of questions as soon as you’re at the table with them again and you answer them without wasting a second.

“I’m telling you, by the end of this night, I have her number, at least !”

And you’ve had even more.

The next day, you wake up in an unknown bedroom, Natasha’s arms around your waist. Understanding you didn’t go home after your intimate moment, you mentally insult yourself. You don’t know if you should wait for her to wake up or leave now. You debate with yourself for a few seconds before coming to the conclusion it’s better to run away now, especially because you have some work waiting for you. 

Slowly, you get out of Natasha’s grip and pick your clothes off the floor. Hastily, you get dressed before walking to the exit. When you’re about to open the door, you sigh in relief when Natasha’s voice comes behind you. You jump and turn around, facing her with your hand on your heart.

“I didn’t think you were the kind to sneak off.” she laughs.

“Oh, well, I was thinking you wouldn’t want me at your place for any longer. Actually, I…” you try to explain before admitting defeat, “I have to confess I don't know the rules for one night-stands. It’s the first time I do this.”

“Glad to be the first. And for your information, it can differ with the person though, personally, I don’t mind if you want to stay.”

“Got it. But I have to go. I have work to do.” you inform, sad to leave her so soon.

“No worries. Are you gonna go out like this?”

Following her question, you look down at your outfit, not understanding her critic. Sure, one can tell it’s not a typical Sunday outfit however, it doesn’t look ugly. You don’t see the problem. Phoenix leaves the bed before opening her closet.

“It’s cold in the morning. Here, you can take my jacket.” she says, handing the piece of cloth.

“I’m not sure I’ll be able to give it back before you leave.”

“It’s okay. At least, I’ll have an excuse to send you a text when I’ll be around again.”

“Thanks for the jacket then.”

Natasha gives you a tender smile while you put the jacket on ; you don’t move for a few seconds, admiring her face one last time before leaving. You want to memorise her face because, no matter if she said she’ll text you when she’ll come back, you doubt it. You flirted, you matched, you had a nice moment but it’s only a one-time thing ; you don’t think you’re ready to start anything.

As soon as you tear your eyes away from Natasha, you zip up the jacket before opening the door. Natasha asks you to send her a message once you get home. You promise her to do it then, you leave.

And the second you come home, you grab your phone before informing her:

Message from you to Natasha, 7:36 A.M.:

I’m safe and at home. Thanks for the jacket, I promise I’ll give you back when you’ll be here again…

Or not ;)

Six months have passed since your meeting with Natasha. After your text when you came home, she simply replied “Glad to know you’re home. See you again :)” then nothing. You couldn’t have expected anything else. After all, you only shared one night together. But still, you feel a pinch in your chest, realising her lack of messages.

Therefore, you do everything to leave this story behind you. Even if you randomly met her, nothing would happen, that was for sure. You need to go back to your peaceful life where you’ve been picking some new habits. One of them being going to the Hard Deck once a week with your friends. Contrary to when you were younger, now you enjoy a good night out, having fun with your loved ones, an alcoholic drink in your hands. You’ve met some new people though, nothing that could compete with what you felt the second you saw Natasha.

This weekend is not different from the others, you find yourself at the bar. You’re laughing with your friends when a waitress comes to give you a cocktail you didn’t order. When she tells you someone paid for it and you see Natasha from afar, you can’t believe your eyes. You didn’t think you’d see her again. She gives you  a sign with her own drink before taking a sip. You give her back her sign and drink.

Next to Natasha, Bradley looks at her and sighs, desperate by the situation.

“You should talk to her instead of staying at a stupid safe distance.”

“We haven’t seen each other for six months, I just wanted to make sure she was still interested before doing something.”

“Now you know she does, go talk to her.” he orders, trying to push her in your direction.

“She’s with her friends.”

“And it didn’t bother her last time to talk to you. I don’t get it, Natasha, you’ve never been like this before.”

“I know!” she exclaims, mad at herself. “And I hate how I’m overthinking this. I feel like you.”

“Well, thanks! It wasn’t even serious between you two, you shouldn’t think too much about it. Go talk to her.”

“And tell her what?”

“I don’t know! I’m not the one who had a one-night stand with her. If you don’t want to talk to her, invite her to dance.” Bradley proposes, annoyed.

“No one is dancing.”

“In less than a minute, it won’t be the case anymore. Go to her, I’m handling the rest.”

Natasha drinks her glass in one go before walking to you with a fake confidence expression on her face. As for Bradley, he’s walking towards the piano, waiting for the right moment to start playing. 

You’re talking with Sarah who is in front of you when Alison catches your attention by hitting your ribs. You look at your friend, brows furrowed whilst she makes a sign to look at the other side. At the same moment you’re turning your head, Natasha is in front of you and Bradley starts playing Great Ball Of Fire by Jerry Lee Lewis. Instantly, people start dancing and Natasha gives you her hand with a smile.

“Wanna dance ?”

As a simple answer, you take her hand, you stand up from your chair and follow Natasha who is bringing you to the piano, your friends on your heels. You sing alone with Bradley while Natasha and you dance without a care in the world. You’re laughing and spinning each other until the last note of the song. 

Once Bradley finishes singing, Natasha keeps your hand in hers. You stare at each other with a huge smile on your face.

“I didn’t know you were back. You haven’t texted me.” you state, still surprised.

“I was going to, I’ve just arrived.”

“How long are you here for?”

“Three weeks.”

“So we have a bit more time. We should make up for the lost time. I hope I’ll be able to give you back your jacket, though I have to admit, I’d like to keep it, but you can always come to my place to try to have it back.” you propose with a flirty look.

“I will. At least, this time, I’ll be sure you won’t be sneaking off.” Natasha laughs and you roll your eyes, faking being mad.

“You’re never gonna let this go, are you?”

“I won’t.”

In spite of yourself, your heart melts when you look at Natasha’s mischievous smile. You don’t want to admit it but you missed her. You really thought you had forgotten about her, you were far from the truth. Yet, it seems like you weren’t the only one. You’re glad to see you’ve affected her as much as she’s affected you, though you didn’t want to grow attached to someone that quickly.

However, you leave your mixed feelings behind you for the rest of the night, enjoying this moment with Natasha and getting to know her a bit more. 

Like six months ago, after some flirty comments, Natasha finds her way in your bed, your arms around her body.

Message from Natasha to you, 9:05 P.M.:

Hey, I’m back in town. Are you free tonight?

You look at Natasha’s text for several minutes, not knowing what to answer. You are, indeed, free tonight though, you don’t know if it’s a good idea. Since your reunion at the Hard Deck three months ago, you’ve seen each other several times and you have to confess your feelings for her are getting stronger.

At first, you thought it was just an innocent crush, however, she haunts your mind and you’re just waiting for the moment where you’ll see her again. Sure, your relationship is more physical than emotional but you’re gladly taking anything she wants to give you. Despite of yourself, she’s managed to leave her name on your lips and you yearn for the feeling of her body in your arms. You wish you could have more, though you’re pretty sure she doesn’t. You should keep your distance with Natasha, it’d be better. Like this, you’ll avoid a heartbreak again, especially considering your relationship is non-existent. 

You have to lie to her and say you can’t see her. It’s better for you. That’s what you’re going to do. You’re going to stay far away from her.

You didn’t stay far away from her for long.

Without knowing how, you found yourself in Natasha’s hotel room, your clothes found themselves on the floor and you found each other in the bed. A part of you is cursing at you for not listening to your rational side but currently, it’s the least of your worries.

In Natasha’s arms, you discuss several things and you realise if given a chance, you could have a beautiful love story. You have a lot of things in common and your views about the world and the future are similar. You could have had a great future with Natasha. However, after every intimate moment spent together, Natasha reminds you that it’ll never be more than nights shared together.

“I’m glad we’ve met, you know,” Natasha starts, holding you tighter against her, “because of my work, it’s always been complicated to form relationships but with you, it’s easy, peaceful. We don’t want anything serious so what we have is enough.”

“Yes, it's good. I’m enjoying every moment of my single life for the first time.” you affirm, hiding your disappointment.

“You know, the day you’ll meet someone who’s worth it, you can tell me. I’ll understand if you don’t want us to talk anymore.”

“Same goes for you.”

“You don’t have to worry about this.”

“You don’t want a serious relationship? Like, ever?” you question, looking her right in the eyes.

“It’s not that I don’t want one, it’s just that it’s easier like this. I could never truly give to the other person the relationship they’d deserve so I don’t want to waste my time. Besides, long-distance relationships aren’t my thing and I can’t ask for the person to give everything up for me.” she states like it was obvious.

“But some people find a right balance between work and their lovelife.”

“You’re right. I just don’t know if I’ll find the right person one day.”

Hearing her sentence, your heart tightens in your chest. Natasha just gave you a good reminder. You really have to distance yourself from her. She doesn’t want anything serious and even if she wanted to, you’re not a person she fancies. She looked you right in the eyes and told you she hasn’t found the person worth having a relationship with. 

You’re holding back your tears as best as you can while your eyes are on hers. As soon as you realise you won’t be able to do it any longer, you clear your throat before getting up from the bed and picking up your stuff from the floor.

“I…I have to go. I'm going to work early tomorrow.” you inform, putting on your tee-shirt.

“We can go to sleep now if you want.”

“No, I need to get home. I don’t have my stuff here.”

“Can we see each other in the next few days?”

“I don’t think so, I’m quite busy,” you lie, zipping up the fly of your pants. “I… bye.” you stutter.

You don’t give Natasha the time to say goodbye to you and run away from her hotel room. You search for your car keys in your bag as the tears are gathering in your eyes. They start running down your cheeks once you leave the parking lot.

You knew it. You knew it would end up in a heartbreak if you continued and it didn’t stop you. Why do you have such a fragile heart? Why do you have to get attached to people so easily? Why can’t you keep an emotional distance? Natasha seems to handle things just fine so why not you?

Once you’re at home, your tears have stopped though, your cheeks are still wet. You get ready to go to sleep and before you can lay down on your bed, you take your phone. You’re about to open your contacts when you get a text from Natasha.

Message from Natasha to you, 00:30 A.M.:

I hope we’ll have more time next time :) 

You don’t have the strength to answer. Reluctantly, you delete the conversation and her number - not without doubting for several seconds. You put down your phone and try to fall asleep despite your heart being broken into a thousand pieces.

Four months have passed since your last time with Natasha and you are more or less over it. 

Except if you consider your current state, you could say you’re still hurting. Saying you were drunk would be an understatement. You don't know how many drinks you’ve had but you know if you try to walk, you’ll fall. And all of this because of one damn message. Technically, you could have disregarded it. You don’t have Natasha’s number anymore so the sender was shown as an unknown number and the text wasn’t saying anything special. Her text was a simple and innocent “hey 😘” but it was enough for you to know who it was and to hurt you even more. You felt like you were finally moving on and your reaction proves you it was just a feeling. 

You’re alone at the table even if you came with your friend Sarah. She’s currently dancing with a man she just met. At first, she didn’t want to leave you alone, knowing you were drowning your sorrows. However, you promised her she could have fun without feeling guilty whilst you were ordering your sixth drink. 

You’re staring at your hands who are holding your drink while you’re lost in your thoughts. You should have never started this fling with Natasha. This sentence is playing continually in your mind since you left the hotel room four months ago.

The day after your last time, you went to meet your friends and you told them how sad you were whilst they were holding you in their arms. Both of them affirmed you had to move on, the very thought you feared. A part of you was hoping they’d encourage you to fight for your potential story with Natasha. Unfortunately, your friends were realistic.

You slowly keep drinking when you feel a presence next to you. Turning your head, you find Natasha and you think maybe you shouldn’t finish your drink. You’re in such an inebriated state that you start having hallucinations. You didn’t think it was possible. 

“Hey, how are you?”

Maybe it’s not a hallucination after all. Natasha’s voice seems real.

“Oh, hi!” you exclaim, trying to be casual.

“I take this as it’s not your first drink.”

“Well, it’s possible. Probable.”

“Don’t you think you should go home? Did you come alone?” she questions, searching for one of your friends.

“With Sarah.”

“Do you want me to bring you home?”

“No, I’m gonna wait for Sarah.” you quickly reply, remembering you need to keep your distance.

“She seems busy.” Natasha notes, looking at your friend. “Wait here.”

Natasha walks away from you and goes to Sarah before you can’t stop her. You see her talking and your friend looking at you before reluctantly nodding. Quickly, Natasha comes back to you and takes your drink away from your hands. You’re about to complain when she helps you to stand up.

“Come on, we’re going home.”

“But I have to go home with Sarah.” you oppose.

“I told her I’ll bring you home.” she informs, surprising you.

“She agreed?”

You wouldn’t have thought Sarah would have accepted, knowing she keeps saying how you absolutely have to forget Natasha. Your state must be more pathetic than you thought.

“Considering how drunk you are, we agreed it’d be better to bring you home now. Come on.”

You don’t have the strength to fight back so you give in and follow Natasha in her car. Once you’re buckled up, Natasha starts the vehicle. Your head resting against the car window, you contemplate the night, your mind all fuzzy.

After a few minutes, you tear your gaze away from the night sky and look at Natasha. You admire every inch of her skin whilst she’s focused on the road.

“You really are beautiful.” you state straight away.

“Oh, huh, thanks.” Natasha replies, embarrassed.

“How can you be so beautiful? And that’s not it! You’re also intelligent, funny and you have so many other qualities.”

“Why do I feel like you’re accusing me of something?” she asks, hearing your tone full of reproach.

“Because if you were less perfect it’d be easier.”

“I’m far from perfect. And what do you mean by ‘it’d be easier’?”

“Stop the car.” you retort, feeling the need to throw up.

“What?”

“Stop the car! Pull up!”

She just has the time to stop the car that you’re already outside. You can only take two steps before throwing up. Natasha quickly comes behind you and holds back your hair. Once you’ve finished vomiting, you breathe for a few seconds before standing up, a shameful expression on your face.

“Sorry, that was not sexy.”

“It’s okay. You’re feeling any better?” she worries, examining your face.

“Puking helped.”

“Here.” Natasha says, giving you a tissue. “I think I have a bottle of water in my car and some mints, do you want some?”

“Yes, please.”

While you’re wiping your mouth, Natasha goes to grab the bottle and the mints. As soon as she hands you the bottle, you rinse your mouth before taking a mint. You don’t move for a few minutes, wanting to make sure your stomach won’t empty itself again.

“You feel ready to go?” she questions, stroking your cheek.

“I think so but drive slowly, it’s safer.”

“Tell me if you need to stop again.”

Delicately, Natasha takes your hand and accompanies you to the car. This time, you stay silent the whole ride. You’re focused on the landscape and Natasha doesn’t dare to disturb your mind. As the road goes on, your eyelids get heavier and you end up falling asleep.

The moment Natasha arrives at your place, she slowly wakes you up. You lightly groan before opening your eyes. Natasha helps you to go to your door whilst you’re still asleep on your feet. She brings you to your bathroom where she helps you to get ready to go to bed - and where you can finally brush your teeth. You get into your bed whilst Natasha carefully puts the sheet on you. She’s about to leave when you squeeze her hand.

“Stay.” you mutter with sleepy eyes. “I don’t want to be alone.”

“I’m staying here, I’m just gonna sleep on the couch.”

“Please, stay with me.” you insist, trying to bring her to you.

“Are you sure about this?”

As a simple answer, you nod. Natasha takes her shoes and her pants off, leaving her only with her underwear and her tee-shirt, before joining you in the bed. Laying down next to you, you search for Natasha’s hand. She understands what you want and puts her hand on your waist, pressing your back against her torso. At her touch, you let go of a peaceful sigh.

“By the way, I really need to give you your jacket back.” you say with a sleepy voice. “I can’t keep it just like I shouldn’t have you this close to me.” you resume, making her frown. “I care about you, you know. More than I should. I like you, Nat’.”

Upon these words, you fall asleep. Behind you, Natasha wonders if she heard you right and more specifically if you meant it. After all, it might just be the effect of alcohol? Though, she can’t stop a smile from forming on her face before holding you closer to her.

The following morning, you wake up with one of the biggest hangovers you’ve ever had. You’ve definitely reached the age where you can’t drink as much without the after-effects. You slowly open your eyes, fearing the daylight might burn them. Thankfully, there is just enough light to see without hurting you. Glancing at your night stand, you find a glass of water and a medicine which you take without an ounce of hesitation after you sit down.

As soon as you put down the glass, the bathroom door opens on Natasha, making your eyebrows furrowed. You don’t recall going home with her. Seeing the panic in your eyes, Natasha gets closer to you with a reassuring smile. 

“Nothing happened. I just helped you to get home.”

“Oh, okay. What about Sarah? Does she know…”

“She knows, yes. I warned her before we left. How are you feeling today?” Natasha asks, sitting in front of you in the bed.

“Like I had too much to drink last night.” you laugh and she does the same.

“I can imagine. Do you remember anything about last night?”

“Huh, some parts, but…”

You stop mid-sentence as you try to remember what happened. Some moments are more blurry than the others, however one of them is very clear. Your confession before you fell asleep. The heat gets to your cheeks and your hands get clammy. You hope with your whole heart Natasha didn’t hear anything. However, her pointing look makes you understand your hopes are vain.

“Tell me I didn’t say that. Can we pretend like I didn’t say anything?”

“Why?” she asks, confused.

“Because it’s embarrassing and because it could never work between us.”

“Who said it couldn’t work?”

“You did.” you state as if it was obvious. “You said you didn’t want a serious relationship or a long distance one.”

“Is that why you haven’t been answering my texts?”

“What would have come out of it anyway? Besides breaking my heart.” you say, avoiding her gaze. “I know I told you I didn’t want anything serious when we started seeing each other and it was true at first but I like spending time with you, being next to you, listening to you talk even though I know I shouldn’t. I should have stopped what we had when my feelings changed. I’d understand if you didn’t want to talk to me anymore.” you whisper, tearing up.

“Y/N…” she starts, taking your hand. “I’m sorry for giving you the impression I didn’t want you. I panicked the second I realised my feelings for you. I thought you didn’t want anything serious so I kept my distance whilst staying close to you and in doing so I’ve hurt you. I’m sorry. But I do want a serious relationship with you. No matter if there is the distance, I want to try with you because you’re worth it. I care about you.” Natasha confesses, making you look up at her.

“Don’t say this to make me feel better. I was drunk when I said it and-”

Natasha’s lips are on yours before you can add another word. Surprised, you need a second before kissing her back. Natasha’s hands find their way to your hips whilst yours get lost in her hair. You kiss each other for a few seconds before breaking the kiss. You keep your eyes closed for a bit longer, enjoying the feeling. It might not be your first kiss with Natasha yet, this one feels different from the ones you shared before.

“Do you believe me now when I tell you I like you too or do you need more proof?”

“I think I need more proof, yes.” you smile with heart eyes.

“Well, in that case…” Natasha resumes before pressing her lips on yours once more.

Masterlist

[sashaisready]

Chapter 3 - Now or Never

Nick Fowler x Reader

Summary: Reader is a brilliant but shy and awkward CIA employee whose work is often overlooked by her colleagues…she’s blended into the background for so long that she doesn’t think there’s any other way - even if she does have secret aspirations for another life. Unbeknownst to her - a certain blue eyed agent is very aware of her talents, even if nobody else is.

Under the Radar Masterlist

<Chapter Two - Beige

Warnings: Angst! Nick being a dick, some sexist/misogynistic language

Wordcount: 3804 (sorry quite a long one but there’s a lot of stuff to set up 😉 I am excited!!)

You could barely sleep after he left. You managed to grab a few hours…somehow…but you laid wide awake just after 5am. Your mind couldn’t settle. You just replayed what he’d said over and over again. 

No drive. Beige. Nothing. No drive. Beige. Nothing. 

He was embarrassed of you. All this time you had hoped you were wrong. That you were overthinking it. You had clung weakly to the idea that he’d dismiss such a thing if confronted. 

But you were right. 

He was ashamed to be seen with you. Ashamed if anyone found out that he was sleeping with you. 

The worst part was…he wasn’t entirely wrong. You knew that about yourself. You played it safe. You liked it comfortable, you liked a sure thing. You knew if you went for a promotion you’d probably have a good shot at it, but you were afraid to fail. Afraid to be bad at something. You knew your job like the back of your hand. You were good at it because you knew it so well. Your fear was what stopped you from taking a leap. From learning. From being out in the field. It was cowardly. 

You were such a coward in fact that you had let this man walk all over you for so long, too afraid to question him and risk bringing down the fragile house of cards you’d built. Of course he didn’t respect you. How could he? You barely respected yourself. 

There had been a moment though…When you questioned him about his soft treatment in the bathroom….how he held you…you could’ve sworn you saw a moment of weakness in his eyes. A hint of admission that you’d hit a nerve. That maybe it did all mean something. 

But you couldn’t think like that anymore. 

You needed to stop obsessing over every detail in an attempt to find the words he wasn’t saying. Stop fruitlessly trying prove to yourself that he cared about you. It was all so clear now. He didn’t. He never did. 

As much as your heart ached, the revelation was freeing. You had your answer. It wasn’t the answer you wanted, but now you knew. You could draw a line under all of this and move on. Maybe, in time, find someone who would be proud to have you on their arm. 

You smiled, the glimmer of optimism lifting you from your funk. In a strange way, Nick had given you a new lease of life. You would prove him wrong. Prove him wrong about all of it. 

*

It was nearly 6am when you admitted defeat and accepted you weren’t going back to sleep. You normally didn’t get up til gone 7, but you decided to start your day. You had two choices: mope into your laptop and try to keep a low profile to avoid Nick, or walk into work with your head held high and prove he hadn’t broken you.

You chose the latter. 

And…it wouldn’t hurt to show him what he was missing, would it?

First order of business - remove temptation. You deleted Nick’s messages from your phone. Deleted your call log with him. Blocked his number and deleted his contact. It wasn’t like he messaged you much anyway, but this way you avoided any urge to text him - and couldn’t be swayed if he tried to get back in touch (unlikely, but good to be sure). It felt a little sad to remove them, especially the easy back and forth of your banter in the early days. The little jokes. His compliments. All sent to the digital graveyard in the sky. You sighed. A good first step. 

After showering, eating breakfast and firing off a few explanatory texts to Annie, you opened your closet to find something to wear to work. You flicked through your endless work blouses and pants, all perfectly fine, but you wore them everyday on rotation. Beige. Some were a bit too big, some a bit too bland. Your non-work clothes were too casual…you didn’t really have anything else to wear except…

….oh yes. The pencil dress.

Annie had given it to you some time ago, suggesting you could wear it to the office. She worked in fashion so was always trying to pawn off garments she thought would work for you. You’d laughed it off at first, the dress was nice - a fitted black number, flattering, pretty but still formal. But you wouldn’t wear something like that - certainly not to work! You’d stuck in the back of your closet and planned to stick it on eBay, but never got around to it. You were grateful for your past laziness.

As you pulled the dress from the hanger your phone buzzed. You held your breath for a second wondering if it was him - but of course it wasn’t. He was blocked. And he wouldn’t be messaging anyway. 

It was Annie. She was always up at the crack of dawn doing yoga or Pilates, so it was no surprise she’d got back to you so quickly.

What!! Ugh that ASSHOLE. Sweetie, I’m sorry - but you are better off without him. I’ve always known he wasn’t good enough for you. Well done for walking away. You deserve so much more. Drinks this week, first round on me ❤️ A

You smiled as your phone buzzed again. Annie had sent an addendum. 

Also - wear that pencil dress to work today. No arguments. Look fabulous. Make him sweat. 

❤️ A

You laughed out loud, it was the first time you’d felt a bit of joy since Nick left. She was your best friend for a reason. You pulled on the dress, carefully rolling it down your body and zipping it up. 

You looked in the mirror, immediately feeling a little anxious. You looked…good. That you couldn’t deny. But could you really wear this to work? It wasn’t overly revealing, it fit the dress code, but it hugged your figure in a way your other work clothes never did. Was this really you?

No. It wasn’t. But maybe that was a good thing. Maybe trying something not-you was a good idea. 

Beige. 

You inhaled deeply, your mind made up. You slipped on a pair of heels you rarely wore but kept for weddings and formal parties when you needed them. They were surprisingly comfortable, not painful stilettos you needed to hobble around in. 

You looked at yourself in the mirror, surprised at how different you looked. But not hating it. Absolutely not. 

You took a bit more time doing your hair and make-up than you would normally spend on work days. Once you finished, you surveyed your handiwork in the full length mirror. Not bad. Not bad at all. You felt a pang of confidence and you welcomed it gladly, a bright spot in the sea of your despair. 

You snapped a selfie and sent it to Annie, who immediately fired back a series of flame and heart eye emojis. You chuckled. 

It was now or never.

*

You felt sick as you walked to your desk, very aware of the additional attention you were receiving this morning. A few of your male colleagues said good morning, the ones who barely noticed you normally. You smiled weakly back in return, faintly angry that it took a tight dress to get them to show you some basic courtesy. Grant the security guy was polite at least.

A small wave of embarrassment hit as you sat down. Was everyone looking at you? Judging you? Did you look bad? Did they think you were trying too hard? God. This is why you preferred to blend into the background. Far less complicated.

But once you opened your laptop and started work, your nerves melted away. You threw yourself into your documents, tapping away at a report before comparing some photos of a potential target location. Busy was good. Busy meant your mind was occupied.

It was mid-morning when you got up to refill your coffee, the lack of sleep from last night finally catching up as your adrenaline began to wear off. You were just in the break room filling up your mug when you heard a chatter of voices enter the room.

Nick strolled in discussing a shipment of some kind with Director Walsh. You froze, feeling that nauseous feeling return as you noticed him, your heart pounding in your chest. Your body on fire. 

He looked over at you for a moment before looking back at Walsh, but his eyes did a double take and he glanced back at you once more, a flash of surprise on his face before nodding in response to Walsh’s question.

You finished making your coffee as quickly as you could, desperate to get away and back to the safety of your desk. 

Walsh’s cell rang and he sighed, excusing himself as he darted out of the room to take it. He was a good boss. A good leader. He was greying and slightly out of shape, but his presence still commanded everyone’s attention. You had always been in awe of him for that.

You waited for Nick to leave too, but you could feel his eyes on your back as you stirred your cup and picked it up to head back to your sanctuary.

“Nice dress” he finally said monotonously.

You turned, giving him a friendly nod as you tried not to look too deeply into those eyes of his. Not wanting to fall into them again.

“Thank-you, Agent Fowler”. You said politely. 

He scoffed, shaking his head. “Oh…we’re doing that, are we?”

You looked at him quizzically. “Sorry? Doing what?”

He rolled his eyes. “You know exactly what. Formalities. Do you think I’m dumb? You wear the same clothes here day in, day out, and now suddenly after last night you’re wearing that? Don’t insult my intelligence, princess” he spat.

You looked down at the dress, then back at Nick. You hadn’t really expected such a direct response to it. You weren’t sure how you managed to compose yourself but you pushed through, ignoring the thumping in your ears and how dry your mouth had suddenly become.

“I’m sorry I don’t know what you mean…” you said plainly.

He chuckled. “Look, how things went down was…” he paused to think “Unfortunate…but we can still be adults about this. We need to be civil, we both need to work together”.

You nodded.

“So don’t play games and wear tight outfits for my benefit” he said sharply.

You sighed mockingly as if he had said the silliest thing you’d ever heard. 

“Agent Fowler, I think you’ll find this is a work appropriate item of clothing that fits the dress code guidance. If you have an issue with my attire, please raise it with HR. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have work to be getting on with”.

With that you left the room without looking back, a small smirk on your lips. 

*

Despite your cool facade you were on the verge on a panic attack once you sat back at your desk. You hadn’t expected Nick to confront you quite so directly. Still…you couldn’t deny it felt good to rattle him a little. Normally you were the one doting on him, begging for any scraps of attention he gave you like a stray dog - and here you were now - giving him the ice queen treatment and leaving him standing by himself. 

You hoped it would get easier to be around him. You weren’t cut out for this dicey game of oneupmanship. Even if it was incredibly satisfying when it paid off. 

You managed to throw yourself back into your work, ignoring the occasional admiring glance from some of your male colleagues.

You were concentrating hard when Director Walsh walked by your desk, his deep voice surprising you out of your trance as he said your name.

He knew your name? 

He knew your name.

Maybe Nick wasn’t right about everything. 

“Yes, Sir?” You smiled, looking up and giving him your full attention.

“You finished that Phoenix report yet?” He asked. 

You nodded. “All good to go, I just needed to tweak some of the coordinates”.

He smiled approvingly. “Good work. Can you drop a hard copy over to Fowler ASAP? He’s going to be leading that Op now”.

Fuck. 

You smiled again. “Of course, I’ll get right on that Sir”.

He gave you a small nod before disappearing across the office floor.

You sighed. You should’ve been delighted to have such a positive interaction with Walsh. Normally he barely acknowledged your existence. But he knew your name! He said good work!! Of course it was all tainted by having to speak to Nick…

You sent the report to the printer and picked it up on the way to Nick’s office. Just get in and out. Ignore any pointed little comments, respond with professionalism like you had earlier.

As you approached you could see his door was ajar. That was a good sign. He always closed it when he was inside working. You checked your watch. Lunchtime. He most likely wasn’t there, probably on some long lunch with another agent like usual, so you could leave the report on his desk and sneak off before he returned. Perfect. 

You padded up to the door, not bothering to knock as you strode in because you assumed it was empty - only to hear a woman’s laugh and a snippet of conversation as you came inside.

“So…when are you taking me out again?” The female voice said coyly as you stepped through.

It was too late to retreat. Nick was sitting at his desk and leaning on it in front of him was Mace, the brilliant and beautiful agent. Nick’s colleague. She was so close to him she was practically in his lap. Nick was wearing the smirk you knew all too well. 

Mace was, by all accounts, a badass, and just happened to be movie star gorgeous too. Your stomach sank. 

Take her out again? 

They both turned to look at you, confused by your presence. 

“Oh…I’m-I’m sorry” you muttered. “The door was open so I…I didn’t think anyone was…oh…”

Nick stared over at you, his face giving nothing away as always. 

Take her out again? When did they go out before?

You blinked, realising you hadn’t finished your explanation. You quickly regained your cool despite the heat burning in your cheeks. 

“Apologies, Agent Fowler…I wouldn’t have barged in if I’d known you were here. I have the Phoenix report for you- Director Walsh said you needed it”.

You handed the report to him and he accepted it, nodding.

“Thank-you” he said impassively. 

“And apologies again for the intrusion” you added. 

He waved a hand dismissively and you moved to leave. 

“You look nice today” Mace chirped as you passed her, her red hair glowing in the sunlight from the window.

You turned to face her, conjuring up the most genuine smile you could. “Thanks…”

She smiled back and you stole a quick glance at Nick as you left. He was just staring, his expression impenetrable.

*

Idiot. Idiot. Idiot.

It had been a few hours since the Mace incident and you’d been quietly spiralling at your desk ever since.

Ugh…you were dumb. Did you really think he was exclusively fucking you? Of course he’s been with other women - other women in the office even. And Mace is beautiful and talented and they travel together out on ops all the time - you were a fool for not figuring it out sooner. 

Not only that, Mace was everything he said you weren’t. Established and respected in her career, at the top of her field, known by everyone in the CIA. She certainly wasn’t beige.

Here you were, playing stupid games in your stupid dress trying to provoke him while he was pursuing other women. How embarrassing.

You got your head down and continued to work for a bit longer until you realised you could smell a familiar cologne. You looked up to find Nick strolling to the desk behind you.

“Leigh” he said smugly.

Ugh. Agent Leigh. Hardly your favourite person. A frat boy who never grew up. Loud, brash, as subtle as a foghorn. You did your best to interact with him as little as possible. Fortunately the feeling seemed to be mutual as you were one of the few female staff members he didn’t try to corner at social events. He at least had the good sense to understand that you had no time for him.

“Fowler!” You heard him reply. He laughed his weaselly laugh and you suppressed an eye roll. “How’s life, my man?”

“Not bad, not bad” Nick responded. “Just seeing if you were available for drinks tonight - bit of a guy’s night, yknow”.

Leigh practically hollered. “Hell yeah, man! Where you thinkin’?”

“Ignite, downtown”,

“Sweet! Yes! Ignite has the hottest tail”.

You couldn’t suppress the eye roll this time.

Nick chuckled. “It does certainly attract a class of women who are easy on the eye”.

Pig. Asshole. Pig.

You knew he was doing this on purpose. Baiting you. Trying to get a reaction out of you after you bested him earlier. This was punishment. 

“Exactly!” Laughed Leigh. “But you know me…I’m not fussy. If she’s got a pulse, I’m down”.

Grossgrossgross.

“Hey…Palmer, you coming?”

Leigh called over to Agent Palmer, who was sitting nearby and like you was unfortunate enough to bear witness to this scintillating conversation. 

Palmer looked up and smiled weakly. “Not really my scene, I’ll pass”.

“It’ll be fun” Nick purred.

“Oh don’t be a pussy, man!” Leigh continued. “You need to get some ass, loosen up a little” he laughed.

You wrinkled your nose in disgust.

“Hey…c’mon man” Palmer said scoldingly. His gaze momentarily flickered over to you. “Don’t talk like that”.

“Oh…you worried about Miss Priss? Forget that hardass” Leigh laughed, referring to you. 

You felt your head pound as you did your best to pretend you didn’t hear. 

“Dude! Shut it!” Palmer said warningly. You could hear the anger in his voice. “Don’t be an asshole. That’s not cool”. 

You looked at him, giving him a small, grateful smile. He smiled back sympathetically.

“He’s right, we’re at work” Nick interjected. “Let’s keep it to shop talk, okay?”

At least he’d shut it down. But you felt a pang of sadness that he hadn’t stood up for you like Palmer had.

Leigh exhaled. “Whatever, party poopers” he got up and headed towards the break room, giving Nick finger guns as he went. “See you at quitting time, Fowler. Hope your liver is ready for me”.

You could hear Palmer calling him a dick and asking if you were okay, but you felt far away - barely present.

You felt Nick lingering behind you but you couldn’t face turning around to look at him. You were flushed with embarrassment after Leigh’s comments. It was like you were back in high school and one of the popular kids was making fun of you. You tightly squeezed your mouse, pretending to be engrossed in your screen.

Beige. Beige. Hardass. Miss Priss.

No drive. No drive. No drive. 

You glanced over to the window of Director Walsh’s office. He was sitting inside, squinting at his monitor. You knew he wasn’t busy. He always put in a 30 minute block in his calendar around this time, he claimed it was to catch up on emails and paperwork but you knew he mostly spent it bidding on eBay or reading sports news.

Now or never.

You had stood up before you fully realised what you were doing, striding over to Walsh’s office. The combination of Leigh’s assholery and humiliating truth about Nick and Mace ignited something in you that you couldn’t stop. You were fuelled by anger and disgust. Before you knew it you were knocking on his door. 

“Sir? Do you have 5 minutes?” You asked cheerily, hoping he couldn’t see how upset you were.

Walsh looked up, clearly surprised to see you but gestured for you to take a seat.

You sat, then cleared your throat.

“What can I do for you?” He asked gruffly. 

You swallowed. “Well, Sir, I’ve been here for five years now. In that time I’ve established myself as an essential team member - my briefing reports are thorough and meticulous, I always meet my deadlines. The agents know that whatever work they give me, it’ll be done quickly and to a high standard. Just ask any of them…”

He peered thoughtfully at you.

You cleared your throat again, trying to keep your nerves at bay. 

“…and you see, I think, uh, well I know I’ve got even more to offer. I’ve got a keen eye for detail and a passion to learn. I’m ready for the next step. Not just do everybody’s background work. So…sir…I’d like to be…well, assigned to an op directly. To work alongside an agent on the strategy and planning. I…I just want a chance to prove I can, sir”.

You stammered slightly at the end, but sat up straight and clasped your shaking hands together in an attempt to appear calm and collected. 

Walsh studied you, moving a finger to his lip as he considered your proposal. After what seemed like an eternity, he spoke. 

“Okay”.

Your face brightened. “Okay? Really?”

He nodded. “You’re right. You’ve proven you’re competent. You deserve a shot”.

You grinned in return, trying to appear professional but unable to mask your glee. 

“Thank you! Thank-you sir…I won’t let you down. I promise”.

He nodded again before walking to the door and calling out to the office floor.

“Palmer? A minute please”.

Palmer appeared seconds later, the curiosity evident on his face as he saw you sitting there. 

Walsh sat down behind his desk and pointed between the both of you. 

“The two of you are going to be working on Project Cotton together. Effective immediately. Palmer - She’ll be your number two - working with you on the strategy and logistics to prepare for you going out in the field. We’ll be taking her off her normal duties for a few weeks so please see to it that her other work is re-assigned amongst the other assistants”.

Palmer nodded. “Yes, sir”.

“Fowler will be out on Project Phoenix for a few weeks from tomorrow so I need you to lead on this” Walsh added. “It’s priority number one”.

“Absolutely, Sir. Understood”. 

A new work opportunity. A chance to prove yourself and defy everyone’s impressions of you. Nick. Leigh. Walsh. Yourself. And no Nick hanging around to distract you. Distance and time to get over him. 

It was almost too good to be true. 

You beamed at Palmer. He smiled back.

“Looking forward to working with you” he said.

“Thank-you, Agent Palmer. The feeling is mutual”. 

*

Chapter Four - The Ghost