#maybe i just got more drunk than i ever have in my life (absolutely shit btw not worth it at all)

[immortalsins]

returning to the realm of the living after 48-ish hours to google spiking symptoms then go back to sleep lmao

[janeyseymour]

Hey, I was wondering if you could right a Mel x Reader fic where R gets super drunk at PECSA and ended up getting knocked up(from a rando), her and Mel not being together but flirts pretty heavily. And Mel finds her crying in the bathroom abt after finding out, and after Mel finds out why she starts distancing herself and being cold. Then maybe when R’s a few months along Barb tells Melissa off for being so rude, then fluff + whatever ending you think is best?

your wish is my command. lemme know what you think, because i lowkey loved writing this :)

as always, entirely unedited.

Unexpected

WC: ~3.55k

You’re at PECSA, and of course that redhead that you constantly flirt with is right by your side. Neither of you have mentioned anything about going out or whatever is going on between the two of you, but you quite like having her by your side.

You’ve both had quite a few drinks, and the flirting is beyond ridiculous at this point- anybody at the convention can see that the two of you are madly in love despite the fact that you aren’t in a relationship or even doing anything remotely ‘romantic’. She’s not hanging off of you, you aren’t hanging off of her… it’s just the look in both of your eyes and the smiles on your faces when you’re together.

But eventually, she calls it a night as Barb tells her it’s maybe time to head up.

“Oh, go,” you roll your eyes. “I’m a big girl. I can handle myself.”

“Are you sure, hun?” Melissa asks you, voice oddly soft considering the party still going on around you.

You nod. “I’m sure, babe. I’m probably just gonna have another drink and retire to bed myself.”

“Have a good night,” the redhead tells you as she pulls you in for a hug. She turns on her heel and heads out of the room with her work wife.

And that leaves you as the last Abbott worker at PECSA. You head up to the bar and order yourself another when a man tries to approach you. You’ve seen him at a few of the different panels and discussions, but you haven’t spoken to him and he hasn’t spoken to you (mostly because you’ve had Melissa by your side this entire weekend, not that you mind that at all). He offers to buy you a drink, and you don’t have it in you to say no.

That last drink, although you were heavily intoxicated to begin with, does you in. You end up blacking out.

The next morning, you wake up in your room naked and alone. There’s a familiar burning sensation between your legs. Fuck- you just had a one night stand… and at PECSA weekend of all places. What a fool.

But you figure nothing will come out of it. You’re on the pill, there’s a condom wrapper in the trash… you’re safe. 

That was two months ago. And now, you’re sitting in the Abbott Elementary bathroom, sick as hell. You did have the leftovers that you let sit in your fridge for maybe a day too long before eating last night. After expelling the contents of your stomach from your body, you wipe your mouth and head down to the office, looking like you’ve absolutely had the life sucked out of you. 

“Girl, what’s got you lookin’ like shit?” Ava asks you in her conventional Ava way.

You groan as you sit down in the chair in her office. “I think I have food poisoning. I need to go home.”

“You got emergency plans?”

“Yeah,” you sigh. “Mel knows where they’re at in my room.”

“Okay, but I can’t promise you gon’ have a competent sub. Mr. J might even have to-”

“I don’t care,” you groan as you hoist yourself up from her chair. Suddenly, you get insanely dizzy. Your vision goes dark, and you wake up with Melissa sitting on the floor next to you looking at you with more concern and love than you’ve ever seen from her.

“What happened?” you groan as you try to sit up.

“Stay down,” the redhead tells you gently. “You passed out in Ava’s office.”

“I what?” you mumble.

She just brushes a few hairs away from your face. “Here. Drink.” She holds a water bottle up to your lips and helps you take a few sips.

“Good god,” you mutter. You lay there for a few more minutes before you finally have your bearings.

“Let me drive you home,” your colleague insists.

“I’m okay,” you sigh softly. “I can just walk.” You don’t live far from the school, so it really isn’t a problem.

“I’m driving you. C’mon.”

Melissa gets you comfortable in your home before she drives back to Abbott, and she’s back at your house come the end of the work day with what she claims to be her own remedy to a stomach bug or food poisoning.

The next day, you’re feeling much better, but then at lunch, the smell of Melissa’s lunch makes you queasy and you have to excuse yourself. You don’t think you can stomach lunch with the way you’re stomach is churning. What the fuck could make you feel so shitty?

And then you remember… you should be on your period right now. But it still hasn’t come. Actually, now that you really think about it, you’re a week late.

“Fuck,” you hiss to yourself. Without thinking, you grab your wallet out of your purse and head down to the convenience store on the corner. You buy a pregnancy test and sigh. Ducking into the bathroom, you rip open the package and take the test. You sit there for a few minutes, silently praying that you aren’t with child.

But as luck would have it, five minutes later the word pregnant is staring up at you. At first, you think your eyes are playing tricks on you. How are you pregnant? You’re on the pill, the last guy you slept with was… shit- you had a one night stand during PECSA weekend. You burst into tears. Loud enough tears, that when a certain redhead comes to check on you, she can hear your sobs from the hallway outside the staff bathroom.

Concerned, she knocks frantically. “Y/N? Hun?”

You wipe the tears from your face as you try to catch your breath. “I- I’m fine.”

“No you ain’t,” she tells you, seeing right through your act. “C’mon. It’s just me. You need me to hold your hair back while you puke?”

“‘M fine,” you say again, but the crack in your voice gives you away.

She sighs loudly. “Hun, you either let me in, or I pick the lock.”

You don’t think she can pick the lock, so you don’t open the door. She counts to sixty, and then you hear the door click as the lock unlatches approximately ten seconds later. She appears in the doorway looking quite proud of herself as she slides the bobby pin back into her hair- that is until she sees the puddle that you are.

“Y/N?” she lowers her voice and softens it. “What’s wrong?”

You just hold up the test as you hang your head in shame. Her eyes go wide as you see what you’re holding up.

“You’re… When did you…?”

“PECSA weekend,” you choke out. “After you- after you left. I- I thought I was fine.”

“You had a one night stand?” she asks you, clearly bewildered and a little hurt.

You nod as the tears continue to flow down your cheeks.

“When were you going to tell me?”

“I didn’t think I had to!”

“What are you… you seriously had a one night stand?”

“I did,” and you pick up on her tone- the sharpness. “I’m allowed to do that, you know. I am single, and I don’t need you judging me.”

“I ain’t judging you. I’ve had my fair share of those, but not when I’m talking to someone!” she bites out.

“What do you mean?”

“It means I thought we had somethin’ going on here, but clearly I was wrong,” she huffs out. Before you can get anything else out, she’s gone, and you’re left on the bathroom floor crying alone.

You try to talk to her during dismissal, once you’ve collected yourself a bit more- although you haven’t collected yourself by much. As you would later realize, your hormones are very much already all over the place. But she pretty much refuses to talk to you.

You cry on the way home. Oh how you wish you could have a glass of wine to at least somewhat numb the pain you’re feeling, but now you have a child to think about. Speaking of, you should probably make an appointment with your doctor to confirm that you are pregnant, although you’re almost 100% certain that the test didn’t give you a false positive.

The next day, you take a half day. The doctor is able to confirm that you indeed are pregnant- already about eight weeks along.

You show to school the next day in bulky clothes, as if your stomach grew overnight and you feel the need to hide any sort of signs that you’re pregnant before you’re ready to tell everyone.

Melissa avoids you like the plague. And it absolutely breaks your heart. The next few weeks continue on like this.

And with your hormones and mood swings only getting worse, it becomes harder and harder to fight the big emotions that you’re feeling. So, about a week out from being able to tell everyone that you’re with child, you burst into tears when Melissa comes into the break room, grabs her lunch, and leaves without so much as glancing in your direction.

The sob that erupts from your body startles everyone in the room, and their eyes are on you immediately.

“I- I’m sorry,” you rush out as you grab your lunch and head down towards your end of the hall. Your tears don’t stop, and once you’re in the confines of your own classroom, the dam really does break. You’re reduced to pathetic whimpers and choked out sobs as you almost curse the day that you conceived this baby that you’re carrying- he or she cost you Melissa.

You hear heels making their way to your room, and there’s some stupid part of you that hopes it is the second grade teacher. It isn’t, of course. It’s Barbara instead.

“Sweetheart, what has gotten into you?” the kindergarten teacher asks as she enters your room and closes the door behind you. She makes her way to where you’re curled up in your desk chair and perches herself on your desk.

“I- I’m fine,” you try to tell her, but the tears that continually fall down your face say otherwise.

“Y/N, I’m going to ask you a question, and I want you to answer truthfully,” she says calmly, evenly. You nod. “Are you pregnant?”

You gasp. “How do you know?”

“Sweetheart, I’ve been through it twice… I’ve had many friends who have had children. I know the signs: not being able to handle certain foods you love anymore, craving the oddest food combinations, more frequent bathroom trips… the fact that you’ve switched from espresso to tea. How far along?”

“Twelve weeks,” you whisper.

“I didn’t realize that you were seeing anyone,” she says softly.

“I’m not,” you mumble. “PECSA weekend… I blacked out after Mel left.”

“Oh, sweetheart,” she sighs quietly. “When did you find out?”

“A month ago,” you cry. “And since I told Melissa… she- she hates me!”

“She doesn’t hate you,” the kindergarten teacher tries to assure you.

You sniffle as you wipe your tears on your sleeve. “She does! She was mad!”

“Why would she be mad?”

“Because… because she said something about how she thought something was going on between the two of us, but clearly she was wrong… Barb, I- I didn’t mean to hurt her!”

The older teacher frowns at that. “Sweetheart, are you and Melissa dating?”

“No! I mean, yeah we flirted, but she also flirts with Gary to get cheaper stuff from the vending machine! And I- we were never dating… we never even talked about it, and if I had known that was going through her head… I never, ever would’ve slept with that guy.”

“Does she know that?”

“No,” you mumble as the tears begin to subside. “She left and hasn’t talked to me since.”

“Oh, sweetheart,” Barbara says, slightly pitiful.

“It breaks my heart, and it’s made… it’s made me hate this baby,” you admit, and the second it comes out of your mouth, you hate yourself. You can’t believe you just said that. “I- I didn’t mean that.”

“I know you didn’t,” the kindergarten teacher assures you as she pulls you into her arms for a hug you didn’t know you needed. “I know.”

You nod silently, aggressively wiping away at the remains of your tears and relaxing into her touch. “I- I’m fine. I just… got a little emotional. This has been really hard, especially all by myself.”

“I’m sure,” Barb says softly. “If you ever need anyone to help out, you know Gerald or I will always be more than happy to assist you… now, and when the baby comes.”

You start to cry again at that- the genuine kindness radiating off of the woman. That, and while you’re more than grateful for the support, you want that support from Melissa.

“I appreciate it,” you whisper. “I really do… I just wish Melissa would’ve been more supportive… I wish she was here with me through this.”

“I’m sure she’ll come around,” the woman promises. You don’t know it, but she’s already made up in her head that she is going to be giving her work wife a piece of her mind later about this.

You just shrug as you pull away from Barbara. “I- I’ll be okay, no matter what.”

“Yes you will be, dear,” she assures you. “Yes you will.”

“Thanks for coming and checking on me,” you give her your best smile considering your emotional state. “Go enjoy your lunch, I’ll be alright.”

“You need to eat too, Y/N,” she reminds you. “Especially now that you’re eating for two.” She extends her hand out to you, and you take it gratefully.

“Can we just… not talk about what just happened… the Melissa part?” you request softly as you follow her through the halls.

She nods, and when the two of you walk in, she gives everyone a stern look when they ask if you’re okay.

You sigh softly as you settle back into your chair next to Barb. “I’m okay. Just a bit emotional lately… because I’m pregnant.”

There’s a collective gasp heard throughout the room, and then you’re bombarded with questions as they all talk over each other.

“Twelve weeks, no I do not know the gender, no I am not seeing anyone, yes I am keeping the baby, yes I will continue to work throughout my pregnancy,” you state. “And: I expect that none of you will act like I’m broken. I’m not; I’m just pregnant.”

Barbara looks at you proudly as you finish your statement and take a bite of your lunch. Then she turns and gives them all another stern look, and they’re quiet again.

“Congratulations,” Janine says sincerely, and then the rest of them are congratulating you just as genuinely and letting you know that the Abbott crew is always going to have your back and that this baby is going to have more love than you could ever imagine.

You give a sad smile. You wish this baby had Melissa’s love.

When the lunch period is over, you’re able to get through the day without another breakdown, and you’re so grateful that you get to go home and veg out on the couch for the night- no appointments, no meetings, just peace and quiet. 

Meanwhile, Barbara Howard is marching her way over to Melissa Schemmenti’s house.

“Melissa Ann, you better open the damn-”

“Barb, what the hell?” the redhead whips open the door.

“What in the Earth, Wind, and Fire are you doing, just dropping Y/N like two day old bread?! She is pregnant, and alone and scared, and all she wants is you- but you decided that you’re too good for all of a sudden? Melissa, I thought you were better than this,” the kindergarten teacher goes off.

“She’s the one who went and slept around,” Melissa rolls her eyes as she walks away from the front door. “She’s the one who threw away everything we had.”

Barbara enters and sets her bag down on the plastic covered couch before she follows the second grade teacher further into the house.

“As far as Y/N was aware, the two of you weren’t together,” the older teacher purses her lips. “Because for once in your life, you weren’t direct with somebody you had feelings for.”

“I thought I was pretty damn obvious about it!”

“You flirt with Gary too! She thought it was innocent!” Barbara tells her. “All I’m saying is, all she wants right now is you. And I do hope you’ll pull your head out of her ass and be there for her- because while I can offer my own support and the rest of the Abbott group stands behind her, it doesn’t matter; she wants you.”

“Doubt it.”

“Melissa, look at me,” the kindergarten teacher orders, and Melissa pulls her eyes away from the carrots she’s peeling. “Y/N left the break room crying when you came in and didn’t so much as look at her. I followed her, and she told me directly that she thinks you hate her- that she wants you to be there with her through this… that she has some not so pleasant feelings towards this baby because it made her lose you.”

“What do you mean?” the redhead teacher asks as she places a hand on her hip.

“It means that she told me… before redacting the statement, that the situation involving you has made her hate this baby.”

“She doesn’t mean that.”

“She doesn’t hate her baby, but she does hate that you aren’t talking to her… that if she knew that you two flirting was anything more than innocent, she never would’ve slept with the guy at PECSA.”

Melissa sighs. “I should go talk to her.”

“You should,” is all Barbara says back. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to get home to Gerald.” She turns on her heel and leaves.

Melissa runs a hand through her red hair before glancing at the pot of water that is just beginning to boil. She turns off the stove and grabs her keys before rushing to get to your apartment.

She pulls in all too quickly, nearly hitting your car in her haste to get to you. She’s able to slip into the building thanks to another resident and books it to your apartment number. She knocks swiftly.

Inside, she can hear you groan as you pull yourself off the couch. You assume it’s just the pizza you ordered, and you open it. What’s on the other side of the door shocks you.

“Melissa?” you ask quietly.

“Hun, I’m sorry. I’ve been an-”

“What are you doing here?” you interrupt her.

“Just let me get this out,” she tells you. “I’ve been practicing this the entire way over.”

You nod and gesture for her to continue.

“I’m so sorry, Y/N. I was an ass, and you didn’t deserve the reaction I gave you. I was… I let my emotions get the best of me, and when you told me that you slept with someone else, I just got so jealous and angry because I wish it was me that you ended up with in bed instead, but I wasn’t direct enough with what I wanted, and I fucked up. I- I don’t hate you; I could never hate you. I am so, so ridiculously in love with you, and I want to be here for you in any way I can if you’ll let me- for both you and this-”

You hiccup out a sob.

“Hun, hey, why are you crying?” she stops her speech. She pulls you into her arms and holds you tightly, playing with the ends of your hair.

“I’m- I’m sorry,” you choke out. “Just really emotional lately… hormones,” you hiccup out a laugh at the last word.

“I’m so sorry I left you alone when you needed me most,” Melissa whispers. “So sorry. But if you’ll let me, I want to be here for you and the baby.”

“That’s all I want,” you tell her softly as you wipe at your tears. 

“And I want to be here for you as more than someone who just flirts with you innocently,” she tells you. “I want to… we should date.”

You give her a sad smile, and she knows she’s blown it. “Mel, I-”

“That’s okay,” she says softly. “I- I get it. Not the right-”

“You still want to be with someone who’s three months pregnant?” you ask her hesitantly. “You want to deal with all of this, and then a new baby?”

“If it means I get you,” Melissa whispers.

The tears that had started to subside hit you again, and you cling to her as if your life depends on it. “Please.”

“I’m right here,” she promises you as she continues to hold you in her arms. A hand slowly makes its way down to your still relatively flat stomach. “I’m never leaving you, either of you, again.”

You smile as you lean into her. You, and this baby, will be just fine with Melissa Schemmenti by your sides. 

tags (and lmk if you want to be added to the list!): @schemmentis @thesapphictimelady @marvel210 @itisdoctortoyousir @morgana-larkin @thesamesweetie @doesthatsuggestanythingtoyou @marvels—slut @gwennybriggs @megamultifandomtrashposts @nothere1111 @lemz378 @http-sam @melissaschemmentisbranzino @imaginesmultifandoms @sexysapphicshopowner @lilfartbox1

[midnightwriter21]

aot hcs: them as boyfriends

characters: levi, eren, connie

warnings: i have the mouth of a sailor im srry

an: first aot fic lesss gooooooo!!! lmk if y’all want another part with diff characters!!

LEVI ACKERMAN

*sigh* he's so girlfriend

starting off strong...

this man is NAWT kissing you in public lololol

he's got a reputation to uphold

however!!

he will show pda in much smaller, more subtle ways

walking down the street, he's offering his arm for you to loop yours through

or guiding you with a hand on your lower back

if y'all are walking through a crowd he is CRUSHING your hand with his grip

he's not trying to hurt your hand haha

he's just strong, can't see over peoples heads, and doesn't wanna lose you in the sea of people

he'll keep that unbothered bored look on his face but just know that on the inside that this man is stressed lmfao

alsoooo

service bf to the maxxxxx

dude is not good with expressing his feelings

especially romantic ones lol

so he expresses his love by doing little tasks for you

oh you forgot to get food for your cat?

levi already has it

can't get that jar of pickles open?

he's snatching it out your hands and popping it open

and you already know your house is about to be the CLEANEST its ever been on god

next

i feel so bad

for the person to shit talk you in front of levi

on my mama let somebody say something slick lmfaooo

he is not gonna let it slide

forget getting physically violent

this mans mouth is absolutely DIABOLICAL

in more ways than one if ur picking up what im putting down

*ahem* will make said person cry with his words alone

period.

EREN YEAGER

meowwwwwwwww

bark bark bark

*insert other animal noise here*

huh? somebody say something?

no? okay

AHEM

this man right here? cocky asf

dude is fine

and knows it too

and he knows y’all make a FINEEEE ASS COUPLE

shows you and your relationship off all the time

not a day goes by where he’s not posting you on social media

and he coordinates yalls outfits too omg

he makes sure his clothes match yours

not exactly matching ofc but the colors

if ur wearing a red dress to an event

he’s wearing a red tie

it’s a casual day and you’re wearing a blue shirt or dress?

his shoes/accessories/etc. are gonna be the same color

it’s an aesthetic that he keeps up with. period.

also he CANNOT keep ur name out his mouth

brings you up in every conversation possible

“i think y/n mentioned wanting to go see that movie too. was it good?”

“nah sorry, my girl said she wants to have a date night soon so i’ll have to pass. we can make plans another day though.”

“i gotta go to the store when i leave here. i wanna get some stuff to surprise my girlfriend, y/n, when i get home.”

and he is handsy asf

bro is touching you at all times swear

it’s impossible to walk past this man without him latching onto you and lathering you in kisses and feeling you up

in public he’s gonna keep it respectful tho

unless he knows he won’t get caught lmfao

introduces you to mikasa and armin

wants all of the important people in his life to get along ofc

i love him sm

CONNIE SPRINGER

let’s get right into it shall we?

as soon as y’all make it official

i mean the MINUTE y’all are boyfriend girlfriend

he’s calling up all his friends to tell them the news

and then he’s making plans for them to meet up so he can introduce you

i feel like he takes you on a lot of fun dates

y’all don’t jus go get dinner and then go home

that’s too lame for connie

he’s taking you to laser tag, haunted houses, trampoline parks, etc.

and let me tell you this rn

come close

connie is NOT teaming up with you for laser tag

he’s making sure he’s on the opposite team so he can’t hunt you down over and over

will not take it easy on you idc

anyways… when y’all do go to dinner

7/10 times sasha is third wheeling yall

maybe jean too lol

idk i jus think that for connie it’s “the more the merrier”

especially since dinner isn’t something that’s gonna get his blood pumping yk?

but at least y’all can all get drunk and be funny together as a group right?

connie is so incredibly dedicated to being a dumbass around you

like as long as it makes you laugh, nothing is off limits

bro is constantly cracking jokes, telling embarrassing stories, doing stupid shit in public

he wants you happy. at. all. times.

this being said

if ur sad connie is doing anything and everything to cheer you up

i’m talking getting you ur fav snacks, renting that movie you always talk about, and pulling you close for a snuggle

yeah so i want to eat him basically

[igotanidea]

Line of authority: Aaron Hotchner x fem!agent!reader

requested: yes, as a part of my 1k celebration: Aaron Hotchner and silent treatment.

Warnings: age gap, co-workers relationship (reader is Hotch's inferior), a bit of angst and um, well, silent treatment, fluff at the end.

A/N: I can easily get into Hotch personality, but stil find it a bit hard to write for him romantically, so please, do not go too hard on me 🥺

***

„Go home.”

„No.”

„Please, go home.”

„I’m telling you I am absolutely fine!”

“How long have they been going on with this?”

SSA Aaron Hotchner, one of the BAU most esteemed agent had only one person that could undermine his authority. His partner in both work and life – Agent Y/N Y/L/N.  Not that she was doing this on regular basis, she was a professional after all, but sometimes working together and staying in a relationship as a subordinate was too much. And the scene that was unravelling in front of the whole team was a perfect example of her limits.

Recently, the group of agents have been working on a case about assaulting and raping women. Again.  Much to Aaron displeasure Y/n volunteered herself to be the bait. After all, she looked young and innocent, definitely not like a trained FBI agent. Despite the fact, that whole team remembered what happened last time, when Elle was supposed to help catch a women offender, all of them agreed to the plan. Maybe they trusted Y/N more or maybe they had no other options to catch the guy.  Aaron objected giving his rational and logical arguments, but finally it was Gideon who made the tough call, taking some time to walk the girl through every step of the operation.  Y/N quickly got the attention of the suspected man and due to some casual flirting and playing around found herself on the unsub radar. All the BAU needed was hard proof of his guilt. Sticking to the initial plan, Y/N left the bar, pretending to be a little drunk, and started walking home, watched closely by the team, located near the area in the concealed van. Morgan and Gideon who had the pleasure of sitting in one with Aaron could almost hear his heart escaping his chest and see his clenched jaw. But he was a trained agent, no matter how worried or scared or stressed he was, there was not a chance he would ever show that. Not even when it came to her. So the three men were just spending the time in complete silence. Until the offender started walking after Y/N, captured her and dragged her inside the nearest bush. Of course she fought him bravely and before anyone else reached them, she already had the perpetrator on the ground, gat pointed at his chest, no serious damage, apart from some scratches and cuts done to her.  Girl’s psyche, however, was a whole different story. At least according to Aaron, on who’s orders she was supposed to hand over her badge and gun and stay on rest until being cleared out for the field.  And boy, she did not like it. At all.

“Y/N.” Aaron looked straight into her eyes with that characteristic, arcane face expression. His eyes were practically begging for her to listen, but lips were pursed.

“I am…..”

“Fine, you said it. But you’re still an agent and you need to follow the procedure. And that means you have to go through evaluation.”

“I don’t have to do shit! Don’t try to fool me!” she exclaimed “do you have any idea how many women, kids and people are still out there, being abused every day?! You need me on the field!”

“I’m sorry agent Y/L/N. I need you to hand over you badge and gun. Now.” he said calmly, but everyone who knew him could tell that there was a storm inside him.

“And what if I refuse?” she crossed arms over her chest, every action daring Aaron’s self-control.

 “Listen to me, than.” Gideon could tell that sooner or later one of them would snap so instead of watching he decided to take action. ”Y/N.” he smiled lightly “you know it’s not a way to get rid of you, don’t you? It’s like you said, we need you. But we need you in your best form, quick-thinking, rational, collected. Are you now?”

“I…..” she took a deep breath and after that threw her hands in the air “Fine. Fine!” her badge landed on the table “Have it your way. Maybe I’m off the field, but you can’t forbid me helping Penelope in her technician work.” The gun followed after the document “I can do work as a researcher, nearly as well.”.

“I’m sure Garcia will be more than happy to have you with her.” Gideon smiled at her “Thank you, Y/N. It’s just two weeks, the minimum amount we have.”

“Whatever.” She hissed, turning around and walking out of the room, shutting the door behind.

“You know that is not the procedure.” Jason turned towards his fellow profiler “she was not captured, shot or assaulted. She doesn’t need the assessment.”

“Let’s just get back to work, shall we?” Aaron retorted. Of course he knew that was a bit excessive, but what else was he supposed to do. He was trying to do what was best for her.

***

The following two weeks were torture for everyone in the team. Sure, Y/N was not supposed to go with them to the crime locations, but since Penelope was more than happy to have her best friend in her sanctuary she was always on the line. And in the main office in Quantico. With the amount of time Aaron were spending there, there was not a chance they would not run into each other. Or have to exchange words. And the fact, that Y/N moved back from his house, back to her own apartment and was giving him silent treatment were not helping. At all.

“Don’t you ever go the bathroom? Or to get coffee? Or, I don’t know, to stretch your legs?” Y/N was spinning around in the swivel seat, located in front of all the screen in Penelope’s offices.

“Of course not. How could I? I got loose threads to find and pull. I’m a genius, remember? I don’t fall into something so trivial and mundane as physiology!”

“Sure, Garcia, sure. I’ll definitely ask Reid about his opinion on the matter. Besides, we both know you only wait for you secret lover’s call.”

“Right. Speaking of the devil….” Penelope grinned, hearing the phone ring “you’ve reached the Oracle, ask and you shall be answered.”

“Garcia.”

“Oh, um, hi, Sir.” She stuttered a bit, realising it was in fact Hotch who was the called, and not Morgan.

“Is Y/L/N with you?”

“Um….” Penelope mumbled, eyes landing on the girl, who was frantically shaking her head and mouthing one simple word: NO!. Now poor Garcia was torn between the loyalty to her friend and line of authority. “Can’t I help you?’

“I need you to check some names for me. But Y/L/N had to go and do some paper research. And I know you are there Y/L/N. Talk to me. If nothing else convinces you, we got lives at stake.” The girl was still silent “Y/N….”

“It’s just about the case. What do I look for?” she could almost hear Hotch relief on the other side of the line when he started explaining the details.

And only a few hours later, they completed the investigation and were back in Quantico. And once the reports and paperwork were done, the only two people left in the office were Y/N and Aaron, sitting on opposite sides. Neither of them really wanted to go their homes, but they weren’t ready to talk. Not yet. This was the first time in their relationship that they found themselves in such a situation. Of course they need that working together was far from perfect, especially in this field, and they had to do some extensive explanation with the HR, but still…. At least they were spending time together. But now? This could have undermined and destroyed everything they had or made them stronger. The odds were even on both of those options. The question was, who would be the first to relent first in this game of hurt, pain, guilt and nerves.  

At that moment, she was the one to stand up first and walk towards the door.

“Can we talk about it?” he called after her, but she only did so much as to stop for  a moment and inhaling.

“No.”

***

The following weeks were… well, better in some way. She was keeping her professionalism, acknowledging Aaron’s presence whenever he was around, but the tension could still be felt. Especially when she was dropping occasional cold “morning, sir”, almost like she was trying to underline that he treated her simply as a subordinate or maybe even worse. If it were Emily or Ashley or damn, any of the man, Aaron would never go as far as putting them off. And that was what hurt her the most. That somehow he believed her to be … weaker, worse, not good enough to be an agent. She did not need him to act like her shield. She was trained, skilled and extremely good at her job. But instead of letting him know how she felt she choose to act like a kid. Finally, it was Morgan who snapped. And it was only when she got her badge back and was again a field agent, not a women in the chair (not that there was something wrong with that, but it was boring for Y/N, used to different kind of work).

“Hey, look who’s back on her feet!” he cheered when she entered the office, fully equipped “so, you’re graduated from the kindergarten or not yet?”

“What are you talking about?” she frowned and scoffed

“You know exactly what this is about. Y/N, I love you, all right, but you can be a pain in the ass and you showed that quite well lately.”

“Learning from the best” she smirked at him

“who?” Morgan titled his head ,not falling for the trap. Of course, it was too obvious for him. “Seriously, Y/N, it’s good to know you are on again, there is really no one to gets my jokes like you and Penelope.”

“Oh, so you admit you need a girl in the base and on the plane.”

“Duh.” He grinned  “Never said I didn’t. But…. If you want to get back in my good graces….”

“Who said I do?”

“…. Go talk to Hotch. Clear things up, cause I believe I speak for the whole team saying you two made our lives a living nightmare. More than usual.”

“He’s right, you know!”  Spender seconded Morgan from his chair, not raising gaze from the documents he was working on.

“All right! All right! I’m going. But why the hell does it always have to be me!?”

***

“Hotch?”

“Y/N” unlike Spencer, he did raise his eyes, focusing them on her. Not another word, just her name, like he was awaiting her reaction.

“You probably heard, I was … well, restored.”

“I did.”

“Well, um… if that’s all you have to say to me, than….”

“Wait.” He stood up and approached her, coming as close as he could considering the fact that they were still at work. Taking her hands in his, entwining their fingers, his eyes still focused on her to the point when it became uncomfortable and she had to look down. “Eyes up, agent.” She hated the fact that his deep voice was making her listen instantly “I’m sorry.” He said and everything in the tone and posture and his face was screaming sincerity.

“Why? You had every right to do so. It may have not been the standard procedure but it was still in your competence.”

“I overreacted.”

“That’s not happening often, does it?”

“Only when it comes to you.” he admitted and caressed her palm gently

“You don’t need to protect me, Aaron.” She took a step forward. Their bodies were almost touching and it was hard to not just dive into his embrace. But still, they were at work and his office had glass windows, for god’s sake!

“How can I not? I know you are trained. I know you know how to handle yourself, but I hate seeing you at this job. I let the work consume me before and now the same happens to you. And to think all I ever wanted was to keep the one I love out of this mess. “

“That’s what happened when your job is a mission….. wait, what did you just say?” her eyes grew wide and she took a step back to scan his face. “Are you saying that…..?”

“I thought it was pretty obvious at this point.”

“Yeah, but…..” her face became softer than before “I love you too, Hotch.”

“Does this mean you are coming back home?” he smirked pecking her lips, quickly, almost impalpably and she whined internally, wanting more.

“I’ll think about it. It’s not one of those “kiss and be forgiven” situation. I love that you love me but I also need you to let me do my thing. Just like with any member of the team. No special treatment. And that means both, not being too strict and not being too lenient. Although I’m sure you will have no problem with the latter.”

“Not at work.” he lifted corners of his mouth lightly, which was the equivalent of the brightest smile for him.

“I like how that sounds.” Now it was her turn to lean forward and peck his lips. “But before we take this conversation home, let’s not pretend the case files on your desk. Guess my absence took a heavy toll on you, agent Hotchner.”

@somest1

[milogreer]

so uhh this is gonna be scatterbrained. but i'm gonna ramble about milo and (what little info we have on) colm. sorry in advance if it doesn’t make sense i just had to exorcise this demon 🫡

i believe "camping with your alpha boyfriend (2021)" is the earliest mention of colm in an audio. obviously we don't actually know milo's side of things because it's told from david's POV, but we still get the mental image of little thirteen year old milo sitting shotgun in his dad's pickup as they drive to their camping spot. gabe's goofing around in the truck bed to make david and asher laugh, and colm joins in the fun by swerving the truck to mess with gabe. very basic dad thing to do, my dad's done the exact same thing to me and my siblings. it feels familiar and silly, and david frames it as a good memory, so it feels like a good memory. which is important to the point of this post

in "celebrating the new house (2022)," we get a little more colm lore:

My dad was forever blowing any cash he made on fucking bets and gambling and shit, chasing some fucking high. My mom was the only reason we didn’t end up out on the fucking street. He didn’t pull his head out of his ass and get some help until after I’d already moved out. So I never got to have that feeling of being in a house that was actually ours, ya know?

already this is a stark contrast to what we've previously heard of colm (i don't think there's any real mention of him between sept 2021 and dec 2022?) and it kinda makes me look at that old memory in a different light, especially with regards to david saying marie was "nagging [colm's] ear off about being irresponsible and a bad example." like. ykwim? like i'm just thinking about that interaction and wondering how far along those problems were at the time, if they were present at all. was this a normal, fun family outing? or would milo have rather been in the truck bed with david, asher, and gabe?

(and the fact that it wasn't until after milo moved out that colm tried getting any help?? i could make a whole other post speculating about milo struggling with wanting to move out of that environment ASAP vs not wanting to leave marie on her own to deal with colm)

so then i'm re-listening to "your werewolf boyfriend is worried about you" and having a visceral reaction to (re-)learning that colm was also an alcoholic:

But what he chose to do with that frustration and that feeling of powerlessness was not his job’s fault, those were his choices. He’s the one who decided to lose himself in booze and gambling and never being home. Never being there for the people he said he loved but apparently couldn’t stand to be around.

the last sentence especially is just an absolute heartbreaker because milo's, what, thirty now? and he's been dealing with this since he was a kid. clearly he's not on great terms with colm. the only times he ever talks about him is when he's shit talking the department. that is a crazy weight for someone to carry their whole life. i don't have experience with the gambling side but i do have an alcoholic family member who i used to be really close to as a kid but grew up to intensely resent as a result of his actions, so it hits a little close to home to see that reflected in milo

but i digress. umm. i bring up the camping story to highlight the most recent mention of colm from milo and how there were good times and sometimes maybe it hurts to remember them when the person involved devastated you as you grew up because they weren't what you thought they were. and how these things follow you through life and impact how you approach certain things. milo has to live with the fact that the same system that royally fucked colm is potentially going to do the same thing to the love of his life; i never drink more than one shot or half a beer, if i drink at all, and i don't like being around drunk people. even though we don't hear about colm very often, his influence is still there whenever milo has to deal with the department in any way

anyway i guess TLDR; imagine living the majority of your thirty years of life feeling like your dad couldn't stand to be around you because he was too busy drinking himself stupid and gambling away every penny he had as a way to deal with the strain that his job put on him. imagine having to witness your mom struggle constantly to keep you cared for. imagine the few good childhood memories you have with your dad being overshadowed by thinking he didn't love you or your mom enough to change. imagine watching the department run your soulmate into the dirt physically and mentally the same way it did your father and wanting to be supportive of them but also being so worried for them. it's a really interesting situation for him to be in and i enjoy it but it hurts me. the end

[strikersexhaver]

Striker x Reader | Trip to Ozzie’s! 💋

A/N this would be a silly little thing to do in my meantime! Plus, I really like the idea of Ozzie’s entirely so, here we go! A much more jokey-fic, plus probably OOC for Striker maybe, but with the new episode anything goes LMAO.

CW: sexual innuendos and themes, drinking games, drunk Striker but no NSFW here.

Also the Reader has a tail!

If you somehow catch him with a free schedule, and catch an Ozzie’s reservations. He’ll be up for it, it’s a date with you and he gets to make fun of some lustful people with no shame.

And that you two did, together watching the performances.

His arm around your neck, you leaning into the touch and on him. Tails intertwined, for most demons this would be considered pretty intimate.

You two chuckled quietly, at the bad performances. Cracking jokes in whispers and holding in laughter.

Only till then when the actual good performances start to kick in and Striker’s eyebrows raised with widened eyes as he slowly turned to you when they got to certain ‘desires’ in the song.

He turned to you and thought about performing said desires eventually at home, to spice things up a notch.

And you turned to him, having a gleeful smile to ‘oh shit he’s planning something hella devious’ 💀

Aaaand that’s when you started ordering drinks, ignoring the gears grinding in his head.

He chuckled at you, then he got an idea to start a drinking game.

It was ‘take a shot whenever someone said something you’d wanna try in bed’

He chuckled to himself whenever you drank at all, but then pridefully looking at you with a grin when he drunk a few glasses.

Apparently, lusty demons give good ideas for the bedroom (who knew?) so for Striker, he was tipsy easily after enough shots.

He then realized a good idea, an idea fueled by drunk thoughts and that’s all, plus he was feeling himself after you kept bashfully looked away from how much drinks he had.

He stole a guitar, kicked the lustful imp off stage, singing about his desire instead. Keeping eye contact with you the whole time, winking at you. If it wasn’t for the fact he had good vocals… and the fact he’s one sexy ass snake, his poor lyrics would absolutely been made fun of.

you felt second hand embarrassment, but you couldn’t stop watching and you also knew you had ammo to make fun of him for this later.

Just like the guitar, you stole him and bolted, taking him to a hotel for the rest of the night because you cannot ride Bombproof for the life of you. Plus, the horse doesn’t let anyone but Striker ride him really…

When the next day hit and both of your heads hurt, Striker’s more than yours, you told him all about last night and he was the one who became ashamed and bashful.

“Ya’ gotta be fuckin’ kiddin’ me…”

“I got it on video…”

And that would be the last time Striker ever set foot in the Lust ring ever again-

[starlit-dreaming]

[idea] the spiteful fake dating au

inspo from this post [click here]

obligatory tag (im an attention whore and therefore i summon thee): @lithi @hwang-lucas

tl;dr if you dont wanna click on the link:

"i know we could half-ass it, but i would never fake mistreat my fake husband, how dare you" which reads like athy to me

and

"my baby cousins are probably screwed when it comes to their chances of turning out normal, but I’d like them to have one healthy example in their life" which can pass as a caring uncle lucas

.

the setting and my Vision:

modern au, lucathy are probably mid-20s or early 30s im thinking??? maybe kinda like the ons/fwb au where athy's like. 28 and lucas is gonna be 30

so as the lines i've quoted state, lucas is gonna be a caring uncle whose brothers have shit show marriages. a train wreck and not gonna be healthy at all (oldest has a falling apart 15 year marriage and kids were their solution of slapping tape on the problems; youngest has a hateful wife and is a doormat probably; i need a reminder on whether or not lucas is the youngest but im gonna treat him as the middle bro atm cause its the Vibes).

and yeah, he wants Nothing^tm to do with his family, but his nieces and nephews deserve to see a healthy relationship to have as an example and damn does he hate his in-laws more than his actual family

so he asks athy to be his fake wife

(i feel like it'd be funny if they signed a marriage certificate just in case lucas deals with paranoid family (when really he's just paranoid and athy's an overthinker who HELPED him get paranoid at the thought), then they got drunk, and accidentally submitted the paperwork and just straight up forgot

"wdym you guys ACTUALLY filed the paperwork?????????" -- helena probs

"oh shit does that mean we got married fr???" -- athy, before the panic settles in

it becomes an inside joke among their friends after the panic of it wears off because now they're pretty much committed to the bit for the sake of lucas' nieces and nephews so now there are jokes about "where's your wife/husband" and "" etc etc)

athy's gonna constantly overthink it (and desperately trying to avoid ever mentioning it to her parents because her mom would be so disappointed that there wasnt a wedding and claude might kill lucas if he makes athy cry)

plus she's 100% gonna be ready to fite lucas's shitty relatives if they say something bad about him

side note: diana 100% thinks that lucas is athy's long-time bf so she's always joking with claude that lucas is finally gonna drop down on one knee any day now and claude, being a super big grump, is just "at least its not that alpheus kid"

little do they know that lucas became a legit in-law (although they still invite him for family dinners, and when its mentioned that athy's parents treat him as family, lucas's parents and grandparents take that as a CHALLENGE)

athy being petty by having a sickeningly sweet relationship and talking about how wonderful lucas is as a husband and partner because of how much she just straight up hates one of the sister in-laws

i'm self-indulgent, so i'm gonna have the classic "my sister in-law tried to sleep with my husband" stories

also idk if its just me but when it comes to fake dating aus (which i'm a SUCKER for) i think its a++++++++ when one of them casually goes "yknow if we were actually doing this for realsies, we'd probably be making out in a closet rn" and the other person sweating cause that sounds infinitely better than what they're doing rn

ALSO

the casual "oh yeah athy's crazy about that kinda shit" or "lucas would absolutely hate that lmao" and just FLEXING on everyone about how good of a partner they are to the other

and lucas, who originally suggested that they don't have to do any lovey-dovey stuff and that they can just be the same as always, ends up getting a fuming athy who more or less goes "my REPUTATION would be at stake if people found out that we broke up just because i wasn't being a loving and caring partner, so hell no!!!!!"

aksulifdfhbjdkshf i'm running on like,,,,,,, 5 hours of sleep and havent slept in like,,,,, 17 hours now

so i'm just gonna leave this unedited all-over-the-place mess here

[dannystattoo]

I Like Shiny Things but I'd Marry You With Paper Rings

Pairing: Danny Wagner x Female Reader

Warnings: None

We love a drunk Vegas Wedding 🥰

“This might be the stupidest thing you’ve ever suggested,” you rolled your eyes at your boyfriend as you stumbled through the streets of Vegas, both more than a little intoxicated.

“Did you say no?” Danny asked you, lacing his fingers between yours and swinging your arms. 

“Well…no” you couldn’t stop yourself from giggling as you approached the gaudy Elvis themed chapel you’d found on Yelp. 

“What’s so funny?” You were both laughing now. 

“We’re gonna be such a cliche, oh my god,” the words came out slightly slurred. “We got drunk and ran away from our friends to get married in Vegas?” 

“We didn’t run away from them, they wanted to go back to the hotel. They’re kinda boring, aren’t they?”

“Probably smarter than us. The drive to the show tomorrow is gonna fucking suck.”

“As long as I’m good to perform tomorrow and you’re good to come and watch,” Danny shrugged. 

“Can I pass out on you in the bus tomorrow then?” 

“Of course”

“Perfect. So…are we doing this?” You’d been standing outside the chapel for a few minutes now and had yet to go in.

“Ready if you are, babe” 

“Danny we…we fucked up” you slurred slightly.

“What’dyou mean, honey?”

“We need witnesses, our friends left” 

“Shit. Ok, what if we just grab a couple people, I’m sure we can convince someone into witnessing a wedding in Vegas.” Danny, being the charismatic motherfucker he was, found a couple who was more than willing to follow you into he chapel and witness the ceremony. You promised them you’d be in and out as quick as you could, knowing you only needed a couple minutes.

As you both spoke with the Elvis impersonator out front, you took a minute to thank your past self for choosing something cute to wear tonight. It wasn’t a white wedding dress (not that you’d wanted a white one anyway), but you had chosen a flowy black romper that you thought fit the part well enough. Danny had worn his typical outfit for nights out, jeans and a button-up shirt (which was currently about half unbuttoned), but he could have worn anything and looked perfect to you. 

“Whatever service gets us out of here quickest. We promised these fine people we wouldn’t keep them for more than a few minutes.” 

You followed the Elvis-minister back into the chapel, which was as tacky as you’d expected. 

“So will you be doing your own vows, or would you like the traditional ones?”

“Ummm, traditional I guess, seeing as we don’t write any?”

“We’ll do our own,” Danny said at the same time.  

“What, babe, do you have secret vows written or something?”

“No, but you’re absolutely not vowing to honor and obey me.” You nodded, not really able to argue with that point. You remembered when the topic of marriage had come up previously, you’d mentioned how much you hated traditional, antiquated vows and insisted you needed to write your own. 

“You first, then” 

“Ok,” Danny sat for a second, tongue dancing across his lips as he thought. You were about to give him shit for being so confident about pulling vows out of his ass, but you thought better of it. 

“I’m not gonna come up with anything groundbreaking, but y/n, when I tell you meeting you was the best thing to ever happen to me. I promise you’re stuck with me forever, I’m not going anywhere. I’m always gonna support you in the same way you have for me with music, no matter what. I promise we’ll go to so many concerts togther, I’m gonna take you all over the world - some day, I swear I’ll be touring and you can just travel all over with me…if you want, that is. I promise I’ll always try to be home on Halloween, I have to spend your favorite day with you, I could keep going, but really I'm just gonna do everything to give you the best life I can. I love you so much, y/n” 

Maybe it was the alcohol, as you weren’t usually an emotional person, but you caught tears pricking at the corner of your eyes. God, you didn’t know what you’d done to deserve someone like Danny.

“Well now I’m crying, you asshole,” you laughed. “I’m not sure how I’m supposed to top that. I love you.” You suddenly realized you were most certainly still tipsy and you couldn’t think of a single other thing to say. Holding Danny’s hands, you leaned forward into his chest and started giggling. 

“Danny, I wonder every single day what I did to deserve you because you’re too good for me. I promise to you’re stuck with me forever too, through literally anything. I’m always going to your band’s biggest supporter, I’ll never get mad at you for having to spend time in the studio or on the road, and I’ll be at every single one of your shows I possibly can. I’ll always watch your sports with you, even if I don’t always know what’s going on. I might even consider learning how to golf so I can do more than sit in the cart and look cute. I'll be up for any new adventure, and we’re gonna live life to the fullest, I promise. I don’t have words for how much I love you, how much you mean to me, and I’m never gonna stop showing you that.”

The ceremony finished a few minutes later, with Danny quite literally sweeping you off your feet when he could finally kiss you. 

“Now what,” you asked once you’d left the chapel. It was the middle of the night, but being Vegas, you could have gone anywhere. 

“Back to the hotel?” Danny looked at you with a smirk. 

“Consumate the marriage?” you dished it right back. 

“Wait, babe, we need rings.”

“What?” you were so caught up in the moment you didn’t even process what he was talking about.

“We never got rings. We need rings. Well, actually, I have a ring for you when we get home, but we need ones now.”

“Baby, no we don’t, we can always get them later. We’re legal, we don’t need rings. I will need you to back up though, what do you mean there’s a ring at home?” 

“I was actually planning to propose to you sometime soon, I wasn’t exactly sure when, but I’ve known I wanted to marry you for a while. So there is a ring in my drawer, I just wasn’t sure when I wanted to do it. But then tonight I decided I didn’t wanna wait. I know I want to be with you forever, why put it off?” 

“Babe, what the fuck.” You were absolutely speechless hearing how much this man loved you. You grabbed his hand and nuzzled your face into his chest.

“We don’t need a ring, but we can get one somehwere if you want. You need one too. You know what, we can get them when we’re home, I think it would be fun to keep this our little secret for a while.” 

“You sure?”

“If you’re ok with that?” You immediately worried he thought you were ashamed that you’d eloped, or that you regretted it. 

“Oh yeah, if you are. We don’t need to tell anyone til we’re both ready. I know nobody was expecting us to get married, we weren’t even engaged.” 

You caught an Uber back to your hotel, you curling into Danny’s side the entire drive back. It was apparent you were sobering up, and the inevitable crash was coming. When you arrived at the hotel, Danny insisted on carrying you bridal style of to the room. You insisted right back that you could walk up, you were almost completely sober now, just exhausted, but he said it was part of the experience, there was no way he was going to make his bride walk up to the room herself. 

The whole ride up the elevator, you were both ready to start going at each other, but sadly, someone else got on with you all the way up to your room on the top floor. The second the door was closed and locked, Danny threw you on to the bed and you reached up to pull him on top of you. Just as he’d settled his knees between your legs and practically attached his mouth to your neck, his phone started buzzing on the other side of the room, a call clearly coming through. However, neither of you registered it. Not even a minute later, your phone started vibrating and the only reason you noticed it was because you’d forgotten it was still in your pocket. You reached down, but didn’t bother to see who it was, throwing it on the nightstand. At this point you heard Danny’s phone go off again, and you both realized at the same time someone was definitely trying to get a hold of you. 

“Go see who it is, make sure it’s not an emergancy.,” you sighed, letting go of his shirt you had been trying to finish unbuttoning. 

“Hey man, what’s up, is everything ok?…you’ve got to be fucking kidding me, I’m kinda busy…ok, ok, fine, I’ll be to your room in five, you owe me.”

“Who was that?” 

“Sam. Apparently he brought that girl he met earlier back to his room and the dumbass didn’t think to bring any condoms.” You couldn’t help the laugh that escaped your mouth upon hearing this. 

“Go help him out, I’ll be here waiting, maybe get changed into something else for you.” 

“Don’t, I wanna take you out of that myself,” he called from the bathroom. “Ok, I’ll be right back. Keep that on, Mrs.Wagner.” 

“I love the sound of that, get your ass back here soon baby.”  Oh, that man was going to run to Sam’s room and back. 

Somehow, all of your rooms had gotten completely separated and Sam just happened to be multiple floors below you on the opposite side of the hotel, so it would probably be about ten minutes until Danny returned. Of course, the second he was gone, you were hit the same exhaustion you’d felt in the Uber and you decided to get comfortable for a few minutes. You’d wake up the second Danny was back, you knew it. Of course, you’d underestimated how tired you were and within minutes you’d passed out. 

“Babe, I’m back, sorry about the -“ Danny found you curled up in bed, arms wrapped around the pillow and fast asleep. He smiled to himself, taking in how adorable you looked and thinking about the fact that he was going to get to come to bed with you every night for the rest of your lives. He striped down to his boxers, not caring about putting on anything else.

“Babe….baby…y/n?” 

“Hmmm?” you answered, half concious. 

“Let’s get your PJs on, huh?”

“No, I’m good,” you said, rolling further into the bed.

“You sure? You couldn’t stop complaining about having to wear a strapless bra all night.”

“Fine, you’re right.” You slowly, begrudingly, sat up, and let him help you get your romper off and change into one of his t-shirts. 

“Not what I had in mind when I said I wanted to get you out of that,” Danny laughed. 

“Sorry,” you said, already feeling yourself falling asleep again.

“It’s ok, bug, we have literally our entire lives.” He laid down next to you, pulling you right against him. You curled up right against him, tangling your legs in his and tucking your head into his chest. 

“I’ve said it so much tonight, but I love you so much,” you said, slurring your words now to to sleepiness rather than drunkeness.

“I love you too, Mrs. Wagner…god, I’m never gonna get tired of saying that. 

“I’m never gonna get tired of hearing it.” That was the last thing you said before you fell asleep, happie than ever about your drunk, impulsive decisions. 

[yellowloid]

my experience at am's show (3arena, dublin, 15/10/2023)

starting to write this post while stuck waiting at the airport, after somehow managing to get rid of my sleep deprivation headache through an overpriced orange juice. (edit: it's been two days and i'm stuck at home with a cold and it's all their fault) (jk) (i mean i guess that's giving me an incentive to finish writing this post so yknow. silver linings)

i'm sorry in advance because i know this is gonna be super long (and probably less cheerful than my other recap posts because i'm opinionated) but i swear i'm gonna try and not be insufferable (said as i obviously lie)

��� SO let's start off by saying that we made it right in time for the start of miles' set (we were looking for our seats as he came on stage) and thank god because i was shitting myself and almost throwing up thinking we were gonna be late bc the bus we were supposed to take never showed up and we had to take another one. we literally SPRINTED up the stairs once we were in and heard he was coming up

• seeing miles open for them was moral compensation for his milan concert that i wasn't able to attend despite having tickets in 2022

• he had a very short time slot as usual with opening bands :/ and unfortunately that led to everything feeling a bit rushed :( like i'm not sure how he's been playing songs like cry on my guitar or the wonder at his latest gigs but they were SO DAMN FAST like please slow down i want to let my fav omb song sink in 😭

• still i absolutely LOVED his set, especially colour of the trap (which was AMAZING live), rearrange, come closer and inhaler. his energy was through the roof, he was literally buzzing and if you can already see how much he loves performing via video, it absolutely shines through when you see it live like. bro's literally a ball of light and energy and like. the sun personified l??? he's got so much charisma and a great stage presence. he was all smiles and really really tried to get the crowd hyped. loved him loved his set

• speaking of the crowd. it was absolute bullshit they had ZERO idea how lucky they were to have tickets to one of those four dates and how iconic it was that mk was opening for am after all these years. or maybe they just didn't care idk but i swear to god it wasn't even the usual "crowd who's not interested in the opening act" which. again. do you know how lucky you are you're seeing them both on the same night. don't let yourself be fooled by that cott video with the phonelights on, that was the only thing they did to show miles at least the tiniest bit of support - they were fucking dead otherwise, which is so weird because if you know am at more than a surface level you most likely know who miles is, and you probably know at the very least some of his songs... and yet they were so fucking quiet it was honestly painful to witness. most people there really had no idea how much lore was behind those gigs and it shows

• but again, it wasn't even that they weren't interested in the opening act. because they were fucking dead even during the main set. my section was full of drunk guys who were kinda hyped but very annoying (we'll come back to this later) but even in the pit which is supposed to be the most active area it looked like everyone was asleep and woke up at random times remembering they were at a concert and they were supposed to cheer and sing and just act accordingly ??¿¿??

• not even dancefloor or diwk managed to wake them up......DIWK. that's like. the song that's guaranteed to make the ground shake. i've seen am three times this year and in both paris and rome the crowd was usually only dead during the car songs (and tbhc depending on the song) - but they were INSANELY active during other songs, both oldies and classics. but this crowd was so disappointing literally snork mimimi-ing their way through the show

• anyway. miles should have played wrong side of life just for me and he also had the opportunity to do the funniest shit ever and play killing the joke or see ya when i see ya but alas one cannot have everything

• he did do something very......interesting during cry on my guitar (and i think also during one man band? but i'm not sure). my guy pointed at the mirrorball while singing "late night, all night, miss your kiss" which was kinda insane and i lost my mind a little but anyway

• as we all know there was no tlsp because he removed aviation first and then sntm which particularly hurt because he did it just a couple of hours before the show and when i saw that i just Knew. i knew shit was rapidly going downhill but still i was holding out my hope!!! i thought well there's still 505 or maybe they're saving sntm for later!!! i chose to keep being delusional!!! and boy was i about to get slapped in the face!!!

• now before we talk about am's set allow me to tell you a funny story. as i said my section was full of men who were very hyped (especially for wpsia/fwn/am songs) and the guy right next to me in particular (who was there with some other male friends) was, to put it shortly, a fucking annoyance. i was there with my brother and as we were waiting for the start of am's set he went to get us some water; so i was there alone minding my own business when the guy next to me immediately started hitting on me (he literally waited for my brother to leave bc he probably thought he was my bf lmao real smooth man). he was trying to make conversation asking me where i came from or things about the band, if it was my first time seeing them and what song did i think they were gonna open with and internally i was like BITCH who do you think i am. i literally know their setlist by heart. you and me are not the same

when i told him sculptures was gonna be the opener he was like 'mmmm idk' and i was like shut the fuck up. he was so condescending and patronizing about it and mentally i was like honey trust me we're not the same kind of fans i know much more than you do. anyway spoiler: of course they opened with sculptures

(he was also from england and told me he saw them in london at emirates stadium and when i asked him if he saw them on THE night when miles joined them he was like 'haha no' at which i was mentally like bro you didn't even see them on the right night why are you pestering me with your lame ass attempts at hitting on me. and he was so close too and already tipsy and basically just a stereotypical english dudebro and i swear the whole scene literally looked like this

but anyway then my brother came back and he finally shut up

• the problem is. this guy and his friends then started chugging on their beers and getting really drunk and the whole show this fucking idiot had no idea what personal space was because he kept invading my section and kept moving around drunkenly and i couldn't even fully enjoy the concert because i was so fucking scared i was gonna get elbowed in the face sooner or later, and i even tried to push him off because he kept bumping into me with his clumsy ass drunk moves but he just kept fucking being a nuisance the whole show and i really really wanted him gone from planet earth <3

• this went on to the point that i was dreading the fast and more active songs because this guy would just start being really frantic and overexcited and i literally feared for my life but even during the calmer songs he was fucking annoying like bruh. i appreciate the enthusiasm but i promise you don't have to throw it back to cornerstone like calm the fuck down or at least back off and stay in your fucking lane or i swear i'm gonna bite your head off

• anyway now let's talk about the actual show

• let me start by saying that yes i may have some complaints but regardless of everything it was (as always) a fucking great show. no doubt about that. i very much enjoyed it and i'm also very happy we were the first crowd to experience the strings live. i definitely got some better setlists (rome's lives in my head rent free), but it is what it is. beautiful show but well, it's always a beautiful show with them and we all know that. i may have mixed feelings about some things but these are just my opinions so please don't come at me lmao

• about the setlist: i definitely would've appreciated if we got a bit more tbhc (we only got the title track and that was it... i mean at least i got to hear it live, for the first time if i remember correctly, but still..... i'm mourning the loss of 4/5 and star treatment) (we didn't even get the iwby x star treatment x jet skis mashup which i was really sad about because i LOVE that mashup and i would've loved to hear it again); for the car, i'm so happy i got to hear hello you (we'll talk about this more later) but i also would've loved to hear perfect sense again because </3 sir that's my emotional support favourite the car song </3

• i was also thinking we'd get a bit more wpsia since originally it was the uk&ireland tour and back in june they played some more songs from that album, also because usually the closer they get to home, the more they go back to the origins... i was so hoping for mardy bum, a certain romance or ritz but instead we only got the view from the afternoon (not complaining about that tho) and dancefloor (please for the love of god remove that song from the setlist forever thank you very much)

• also if you want to give us sias (good) then why would you choose to give us don't sit down.........give us hellcat.......give us the title track........anything but That One...................

• however i got my beloved cornerstone (<3), 505 with the new string outro (but at what cost) and also all the car songs with the orchestra so that's a win

• as usual the crowd was kinda dead during the car and tbhc songs but again. they were already dead so they only became more dead during those songs

• they didn't really interact that much with the crowd, nor with each other; alex limited himself to the usual ("good evening dublin", "how you feeling/are you enjoying us dublin", "thank you", a couple of "terrific" here and there but that was it) + he did a shout out to jamie during cornerstone ("it's jamie cook here on his electric guitar!") and i think they scissored at some point during the body paint outro

• the transition from teddy picker into crying lightning was absolute FIRE my ass was shaking

• now for some silly antics

• after the piano interlude before high he said "why'd you only call me when you're high........" in the lowest saddest way ever as he usually does. okay man 😃👍

• he introduced arabella by going "i'll tell you about a girl that i made up......real character......arabella" like bruh we got it we understand you totally made her up and she's 100% not real like i promise we Get It we really do. why do you always feel the need to reinforce that why are you so adamant about it ESPECIALLY when in the presence of a certain someone......you're so sus

• "and it sounds like..........THIS" before the arabella guitar solo. literal chills

• "let's bring this party down to the cornerstone.........woah 😯"

• he always adds this thing during cornerstone i remember he also did it in rome and then i forgot to post the clip but i swear i never understand what he's saying i've seen some people transcribe it as 'ken barlow' but to me it sounds more like 'jenny ballow' or smth like that which doesn't make sense either way but still. does anyone know what i'm talking about and wtf he's on about

• nothing to say about cornerstone. beautiful beautiful beautiful as always <3 he also did the "squeezed me very tightly" bit that he always does and it was the cutest thing

• he sang the last line of the song so cuntily it was like. 'yes 😗 you can call me anything 😏 you want 💅' if it slayed

• after the song ended there was a moment of silence after which he went "......they kept in touch" and i felt the need to put him in a blender and drink him whole

• "from our first LP wpsiatwin, the view from the afternoon......."

• he got on his knees during pretty visitors. where he belongs

• we also got knee socks but there was something wrong because his voice cracked multiple times on the higher notes, he didn't even finish singing some lines - he just stopped, shook his head and then tried the next one... idk what was happening but he really looked like he was struggling during that song :(

• at the end of fluorescent adolescent he sang "remember when you used to be a rascal....... ~do you remember?~" which i saw he also did at last night's show and idk man that was kinda sus

• the strings were absolutely amazing showstopping spectacular and really put a nice ribbon on the songs they were used for (especially 505 and hello you) but that just makes things even more infuriating because why did they only get the whole orchestra there for the last four shows which weren't even originally supposed to happen.......... are you telling me if alex hadn't caught laryngitis we never would've have got them or what. like what's up with that

• anyway up until this point despite the lack of sntm i was still a sweet naive summer child who had some hopes left for 505. but the moment the music started playing without miles having been introduced to join them i knew. i knew we wouldn't get shit

• the 505 outro with strings was amazing tho......so melancholy and beautiful and just sososo pretty i loved it. would've loved it even more if miles and alex smooched right there and then

• as i said the crowd was dead even during diwk which was absolutely embarrassing lmao like wtf. not only was i the only one popping my pussy to the car and tbhc songs i also was the only one doing it to the most basic ahh song (still a banger tho it's always so powerful live 10/10)

• i can't believe the biggest milex interaction we got was alex saying "let's hear it for miles kane" right before body paint... i nearly lose my mind there and he literally just said his name (not a dedication like some people said) but i mean. that was at least acknowledging each other so i'll take that (said as i rip my hair out and bite my tongue and roll on the floor hitting myself)

• i was so delusional at that point when i heard he said his name i thought well maybe they're gonna be random and he's gonna join for body paint!!!!! which in hindsight i'm like. girl do you have any idea how insane you sound rn

• "thank you for having us dublin, it's been lovely" said with the most 'i'd rather be anywhere else than here rn' face and tone ever :/

• btw his little HA! was very <3<3<3 and at some point he was like scratching his head in such a cute way i almost forgot how mad at him i was (emphasis on almost)

• "just a trace....... just a trace....... just a traaaaaaceeeeeee....... just. a. trace. on your legs~ and on your arms~ and on your face........ your faceeeeee"

• when they left the stage before the encore the crowd was shouting "one more song" but all i wanted to hear was "miles, miles, miles fucking kane" because who knows maybe that would've shook them up and they'd spontaneously decide to call him on for the encore (incredibly delusional)

• hello you as the encore opener was fire, i'm so glad i got to hear it live AND with the strings too, it sounded just like the recorded version and you could hear the improvement in the live version so clearly compared to when they first debuted it; the mirrorball still hadn't dropped and since i haven't been watching many videos from the north american tour i was like ??? i thought it was maybe malfunctioning bc only the little one at the back was shining before but them BOOM the main girl dropped during hello you and it was crazy beautiful!!!!!

• "i bet that YOU look good on the dancefloor, dublin"

• at the end of the show he was blowing and catching kisses, they were bowing and waving to the crowd and that's when i realised it was my last time seeing them this tour and you could see the exact moment my heart cracked i was desperately hoping they'd never leave that stage </3

• it was an amazing night but it very much left me with a bittersweet taste in my mouth - because, as i've been saying, the vibes felt so off and i don't even know why. i can't exactly point out what was wrong, because really we have no idea what goes on behind the scenes; and i'm not even talking about it through a milex lens or smth like that. i mean, i was absolutely disappointed that nothing happened - no sntm, no 505, nothing -, but when i say the vibes were off i don't mean it in a demon way. i'm talking about the band. they really looked like they didn't want to be there, probably because they're tired and burnt out and can't wait for the tour to be over so that they can have a much-needed break. they must be exhausted and i get that, i really do; but still. it was a bit disappointing and i hate that i can't fully put my finger on why it felt that way, what was wrong, why did everything feel so rushed and why the well-oiled machine feeling translated into 'we're gonna play this show so soullessly it's gonna fly by more quickly' but it really felt that way. also mind you, i'm not even saying this as the 'tumblr fan who follows every show they play and knows all their antics by heart so that's why she notices perfectly normal things no one else notices' (like i remember the discourse back when they played glastonbury, and that really made sense because ofc casual fans are not gonna notice everything we notice) - but no, i'm not doing this that way. because my brother, who's very much a casual fan who knows nothing about the lore or the usual way they play shows (he saw them with me in paris so he had some kind of basic for comparison but that's it) said THE EXACT SAME THING. he agreed that the vibes felt very off, he also had to listen to me angrily ranting about it all the way back to the hotel and once again he agreed that the show felt, to put it very simply, kinda weird.

• now speaking of miles not joining them... the fact that he removed sntm at the very last minute was one of the sussiest thing he's ever done because why would he even add it to the initial setlist only to remove it just before the first show. it literally doesn't make any sense but i'm choosing to believe there were some technical problems out of their control, no time to rehearse or something like that... they're still best friends and if they weren't okay they wouldn't even have asked miles to open for them. i do find it weird and stupid that they'd miss this opportunity and i'm so angry at them for being dumb and not doing anything with it (unless something happens tomorrow), i'm very much heartbroken and my mind was and still is wandering trying to find more or less rational or delusional reasons why they didn't do it. i was drowning in grief after the show and the day after because i simply couldn't wrap my head around it all, but that's on me for having expectations i guess. i know they're still best friends. they're also never beating the divorce allegations. the two things can and should coexist when you're in an obsessive codependent homoerotic friendship and you're constantly having filthy telepathic sex with each other

• someone please get them to therapy or lock them in a room and throw away the key until they talk and sort their shit out and it stinks of sloppy nasty make-up sex in there because at this point it feels like we're fucking intruding on their fucked up psychosexual games and i'm SO TIRED of being a child of divorce. please we know you know everyone knows you're obsessed with each other just stop being insane (barely acknowledging each other) and start being insane (having crazy gay sex again). i promise all your problems would be solved if you just fucked each other into oblivion like the good old days

• ANYWAYS. i'm still kinda sad and angry over the way the show unfolded and it's not really helping that it's dawning on me that there's only one show left and then they're gonna disappear for god knows how long. i still loved the show, don't get me wrong, and i'm very grateful i got to see them again before the end of the tour and also to see miles for the first time during the same night. i do feel very lucky and despite the fact that we got no tlsp reunion or 505, the fact that miles was opening for them after YEARS of this not happening is still very much history in the making. iconic in and of itself. i'm also happy i got to visit and fall in love with a new city, i'm missing dublin so much and i miss THEM so much and i'm feeling so sad and bittersweet and heartbroken and ugh. i swear i can't even explain it to the full and i can't believe the tour is almost over </3 but that's a thought for another post..........

• for now i just want to see what happens at the last show and enjoy it to the full because yes we might have complained about some stuff along the way (i know i just did it myself lmao) but it's been such an amazing and memorable tour i just wish it'd never end </3

[thatgoblin]

~::~ Summary: After a drunken night with a man name John, Reader finds herself in a position they had never thought they would be in. ~::~ Fem!Reader, 1st POV.

[WARNINGS: Brief pelvic exam, swearing, grief, sibling death, family issues, vague speak of abortion, cursing, unplanned pregnancy, vague-ish descriptions of drunk sex]

::AN-This is just part one of the series, I'll go through the whole pregnancy and maybe after. Enjoy!::

Tequila was always responsible for my mistakes. I should have kept my promise of never having more than one shot, but that quickly went out the window when I bumped into him. He was tall and handsome and smelled of scotch and tobacco. I was pretty sure I complimented his mutton chops and that’s how it started. A few beers and more than a couple of shots later, I was pressed against his door as we kissed like drunk college students during Rush Week. Eventually we made it into his house with giggles and drunk stumbling, at least getting to his bed before the main event. 

I was going to have beard burn by the end, but that wasn’t important. What was important was that I was half undressed as the man ate me out like he’d been starving for it. While I don’t remember every single detail, the broad strokes of the night were there, I knew I had had a good time at least. It probably wasn’t the olympic level of sex I thought it was at the time, it was still pretty good. The next morning, he made me coffee, told me his name was John and if I ever wanted to have another fun night again to give him a call.

“So, why haven’t you called him?” My friend Jesse asked as we sat at a table in a cafe, once I'd finished telling him about John. I had called him and asked for some adult talk because holy shit did I need it. 

“Because I honestly forgot, but now I really do need to call him buuuut I lost his number,” I said. 

“Oh no, did you get the clap?” He asked, shirking away.

“Worse,” I groaned, leaning back in my seat. 

“Ew, herpes?” He asked, scrunching his face up.

“Even worse,” I said, putting a hand to my belly. “A lot more noticeable than herpes in the next few months.” 

“Oh. . . Oh shit,” he said, raising his brows. “I mean, are you sure it’s his?”

“I’ve only slept with one person in the last four months thanks to my ex, so yeah, I’m sure it’s John’s,” I grumbled. I knew that would be everyone's question, probably even John's, but it still didn't feel great to hear.

“Sorry, just checking,” he said, holding up his hands. “So what are you going to do?”

“I don’t know. It’s. . . It’s still early and it’s not like he HAS to know as I’m not sure I want to keep it,” I said, poking my sponge cake with a fork. “I don’t even want kids. I never planned on it, not even with Paul and he was my longest relationship.”

“Oh Paul,” Jesse said wistfully. “It’s all his fault that this happened. If he hadn’t cheated on you so many times, then you wouldn’t have been looking for a rebound.”

“Well the tequila didn’t help either,” I snorted. “Doesn’t make a difference. I’ve still got to make a decision and it’s getting close to the deadline for the permanent one.”

“Have you gone to a doctor yet?” Jesse asked.

“Yeah, right after I took the pee test at home. I wanted to make sure so I didn’t panic over nothing,” I said. “They said I’m about 7 weeks along. I didn’t want to do any tests other than the blood lab, and since I could give them the date of my last encounter, they were able to figure it out from there.”

“Man, that’s wild. Have you told anyone else? Your family?”

“Absolutely the fuck not,” I choked out as I sat up. “They will never know if I can help it. No matter the outcome, they are not in my life for a reason.”

“Because they’re fucking psychotic?”

“Because they’re fucking psychotic. Damn right,” I huffed. It had been so long since I’d had any contact with my family. My parents were still back in Inverness for all I knew and my older brother was somewhere with the military. Last I had heard was that he’d made it to Sergeant in SAS and that was because I had run into an old friend from school. It had felt so sad to find out through gossip essentially. Someone I had been so close to growing up was now a complete stranger.

“So, if you keep it, can I be the Daddy?” Jesse asked with a grin.

“Jesse, you can barely keep your rabbit alive, I’m not letting you parent my fake plants let alone anything that comes out of me,” I groaned, shifting to sit up.

“Hey, Sassafras is doing amazing and he’s even getting a brother soon. Don’t be bad mouthing my babies,” Jesse pouted. 

“Sorry, sorry,” I said, rubbing my face. “I shouldn’t be taking the stress out on you. That’s not fair and I’m sorry.”

“Those hormones are messing you up, BAD,” he said. 

“Yeah, they are. I don’t get sick at least, but the mood swings are giving even ME whiplash." I was silent for a moment, contemplating the possibility of telling John. The good, the bad, and the more than likely to happen heart break if I made an attempt to have something outside of our one night stand. 

Paul had done a number on me. We’d been together since secondary school on and off, but the last four years we had become so close and in tune with each other. We could tell when the other needed something without saying anything and were genuinely happy where we were. I had been at least. It turns out he’d been fucking some hen from his work the entire time and had gotten her pregnant. When that happened, a switch had flipped and I didn’t know the man anymore. He moved out when I had gone to work one day, leaving me in a lurch with rent and a place that I had so many happy memories with him in. 

"Maybe it’s better if I just don’t tell him,” I said softly, shaking my head. “I mean, we could be really bad together. All I know is that he’s in the military and is never around. If I wanna raise anything, I want my partner to be there with me and I already hate being alone. I’d probably lose my mind if it was just me and it on our own. Besides, he probably doesn’t want something like this. Otherwise he’d have it by now.” The man was good looking, funny, and with a military career, he could have married someone and had kids with them by now. 

“True, but what if you guys work really well together?” 

I went quiet, trying not to let a fantasy of me and John form. Paul proved that it doesn’t matter how long you were with someone or how close you got, they will still break your heart when you least expect it and act like it was nothing. 

“Don’t let him ruin your future, Boo,” Jesse said, reaching over to take my hand. “He’s taken enough from you. There’s no reason to let him have more.”

“I know,” I said softly, squeezing his hand. “I just wish I knew what to do. If someone could tell me for sure if me and John would work out or not, that would be amazing.”

“Well, I’m sorry that I left my crystal ball at home,” he said, letting go. “But maybe give it a try. At least you can say you gave it a go.”

“Yeah, but I have to find the guy first and I don’t remember his number or where he lives,” I said. 

“Well, how about putting that detective brain of yours to work? You watch all those crime dramas, why not use it in real life?” He asked.

“Because this is real life and not DCI Banks,” I said, giving him a pointed look.

“Just retrace your steps. Do you remember the bar you met him at? Maybe he’s a regular,” Jesse said, rolling his eyes. 

“True. That’s actually a really good idea,” I said, tapping my chin in thought. “I mostly remember what he looks like too. Well more than mostly, I could probably pick him out in a lineup. He was really good looking.”

“Oh yeah, that’s definitely going to help you find him. Just ask the bartender for the really good looking guy,” Jesse snickered.

“Shush. Well, it seems that the, uh, Shit, what do I call it?” I asked. 

“Are you asking me what to call the fetus inside you?” Jesse asked, raising his brows. 

“Yeah.”

“Just call it Bug. You know? Or even Bean. It’s like, what, the size of a grape?”

“Little smaller. I think the internet said it was the size of a blueberry.”

“That would be cute, but it also sounds like a safeword,” Jesse snickered.

“English people do really like beans,” I said. “Let’s go with Bean.”

“You’re English too!” Jesse cackled.

“No I’m not! I’m Scottish! There’s a difference!” I cried, throwing a napkin at his face that he easily caught. “Fucking American with your Mountain Man accent telling me I’m English. My Last name is MacTavish, that’s not fucking English.”

“I’m Appalachin, Darlin’. I’m not just any Mountain Man,” Jesse grinned. 

“I’ll be sending you back by punting you over the ocean if you don’t knock it the fuck off,” I hissed. 

“The mood swings are going to be killer with you,” Jesse snickered.

“Don’t,” I sighed. “Just don’t. But it seems I'm keeping the Bean after all."

“Good luck. I mean it. Being a single parent ain’t easy, but you’re not on your own with this. Even without John, okay?” He said, reaching over to squeeze my hand again. 

A few days after my lunch with Jesse, I was at the bar that I had originally found John at. It was packed for a Thursday night and the thick smell of alcohol was making me nauseous. Getting to the bar, I flagged down the bartender in hopes they would know him.

“What can I get ya, Love?” He asked, leaning in so he could hear me. 

“I’m actually looking for someone,” I said, climbing up to kneel in the seat so I could lean over the bar. “I don’t know if he’s a regular or not, but I figured I’d try.”

“Sure, what’s his name?”

“John. I don’t have a last name, but he’s tall and built, has dark sandy hair with a mutton chops beard. I think he’s in the military,” I said.

“Oh yeah! John Price! He and his men are regulars,” the bartender nodded. “Just saw him a few days ago actually. What do you want him for?”

“Well, I’ve got something for him that he left when I last saw him and I only got his first name and haven’t been able to find him,” I said. “You wouldn’t happen to know where I could find him other than here, could you?”

“Sorry, I only know him from here. Maybe if you come back tomorrow he might be here. He usually shows up a bit earlier than this,” the man said with a shrug. I nodded and thanked him, giving him a few quid for the help. I decided that I could hang around and see if he still shows up that night while I dug around to see what I could find on social media. 

Getting a Shirly Temple, I grabbed a corner seat and spent about an hour trying to find him online, but the man was a ghost. Nothing. No Facebook, Twitter, MySpace, not even a LinkedIn. What was I supposed to do? Give my number to the bartender and hope he remembered to give it to John? That is if he would. He’d probably just toss it. There was no way I was leaving my number on a board in hopes he’d see it. That was how I would end up on a true crime Youtube channel. 

About to call it a night and escape the bar that was building a headache in the base of my skull, I shot a text to Jesse to let him know I tried the bar and at least got a last name. As I turned to put my phone in my purse, the chair opposite of me was pulled out. Looking up, I couldn’t believe my dumb luck.

“Heard you were looking for me,” John said with a chuckle. His deep, gravelly voice was just like I remembered it as he was grunting in my ear while he-

“Yes, I am,” I said with a nervous laugh. “I, uh, know that it’s been a while since we last saw one another and I planned to call you, but I lost your number.”

“You know you don’t have to make up a story if you want to have a pint with me,” he said, a soft smile peeked from under his whiskers. 

“Oh, no, I really lost your number,” I said, straightening up in my chair. “I also have the memory of a goldfish, so when I realized I had lost it, it was too late. But you’re here now.”

“That I am,” he said, nodding with a hum. Almost getting completely lost in his shining blue eyes, I quickly gave him my full name. 

It was very clear as to why I had started to flirt with him in the first place. The way he looked at me, making me feel like he knew exactly what he wanted and it was me. 

“It’s nice to get a full name, after almost two months,” he said. “It’s lovely to meet you, I’m John Price.” He held out his hand for me to shake and damn it, I was melting into his touch. His hand was warm and rough, but firm. “So, were you seeking me out for an introduction or maybe I could buy you a drink?”

“Uh, I was actually looking for you because. . . Well. . .” It felt like the words were getting stuck in my throat, trying to choke me to make me leave and pretend nothing happened. 

“You want another go where we’re a bit more sober and able to have more fun?” John offered with a wink as he leaned forward to sip his beer he’d brought over with him.

“I’m pregnant,” I blurted out. He furrowed his brow, staring at me.

“Congratulations?” He asked slowly.

“That’s why I was looking for you,” I said with a heavy sigh. “I’m pregnant and about 7 weeks along. If you do the math. . .”

“I see,” he said, nodding. Sitting back in his chair, he fiddled with a coaster, staying quiet for a moment. I didn’t want to push it or scare him, so I was patient. “And you’re sure it’s mine?” 

I had prepared myself for that question, made sure it wouldn’t bother me by asking myself that same thing over and over, but hearing his tone and seeing that flash of doubt on his face made me want to hide in shame. I didn’t shame people for how many people they had slept with and while I didn’t have sex with strangers, it felt like suddenly I was this ‘loose’ person that was trying to get every single dick they could and use the system to get free stuff. The next nine months were going to be hell on my body, but sure, I only did it for free stuff and to control a man I had met ONCE.

“You’re the only person I’ve slept with in the last four months. So, yeah. I’m very sure,” I said, feeling my chest start to tighten. Anxiety began to twist my stomach like I was wringing my hands under the table. “I don’t want anything,” I added, nearly choking on my own spit. “I mean, I don’t want you to feel like you owe me or the Bean anything. I just wanted you to know, so if you did want to participate at all, you could. If you don’t want to, that’s fine. Again, I just thought that you had a right to know.”

“That did go through my mind,” John said with hesitation. “I know you said you don’t want anything, but it wouldn’t feel right if I didn’t help out at all. A support check at least.”

“That. . . That’s up to you. I’m not going to take you to court over it. I figured if you ever want a relationship with the Bean, then we can work something out. I’ll keep you updated on anything you want to know or I can just leave you alone,” I said. That part was hard. I didn’t want to be a single mum and I didn’t want to be alone, but I also didn’t know John. How many relationships went sour because two people had a kid and chose to stay together instead of separate because they thought it would be better for the kid? Too many. 

“I think I’d like to know,” he said, looking up from the coaster to me. “I’d like to be involved as much as I can be.”

“Okay,” I said, twisting my napkin more. “Okay, we can do that. Um, I have a doctor’s appointment next week. If you want, you can come. It’s just a general check up.” 

“Yeah, I can do that. Just let me know the time and place. Do you want to meet there or I can pick you up?” He offered, that look coming back again. John knew what he wanted, but I couldn’t tell if it was me or the Bean. That wasn’t something I thought I would need to worry about. Would he think I wasn’t fit to be a parent by myself? Did he have family that could raise the Bean and think it would be better if they did? The prospect of being betrayed to have the Bean taken away was suddenly very real and terrifying.

“We can meet there. Here’s my number, so you can keep it and I can’t lose it again,” I said, sliding my phone over to show him my number. He added my number to his phone before adding his to mine then sliding it back to me. “I’ll go ahead and send you the details. Um, okay, I just realized how, well, how silly this sounds, especially after me giving you my information, but I just thought of it. You aren’t a crazed serial killer, are you?”

John let out a bark of a laugh, his shoulders shaking as he chuckled. “No, no. Nothing like that. I’m just a captain in SAS.” 

“That’s what it was,” I groaned. “I knew it was military, but I couldn’t remember exactly what it was.”

“To be fair, I didn’t exactly tell you,” he said, leaning forward again, much more relaxed by my ice breaker question. “So what is it that you do?”

“I’m a restaurant manager for an Italian place on the south side of town. Ciao Bella.”

“I’ve heard of the place. Always good things. I haven’t eaten there before, but now I might,” John said. 

“It’s a pretty good place. I recommend it and not just because I work there.”

The longer we talked, the more comfortable I felt with him. I still wasn't sure if he wanted me or the Bean, but it was starting to look like both of us. When I was ready to go home, he offered to drive me home and when I declined, not for lack of him trying, he walked me out to hail me a taxi. There was a bit of awkwardness at the good night part. Did we kiss? Did we high five or wave? In the end, I gave him a one armed side hug that he happily returned. 

Once I was in the taxi and down the street, my phone buzzed with a message. 

'I forgot to ask, but why do you call the baby The Bean?' I snorted and shook my head. 

'Because you English really like beans and that's the size of it right now.'

'You're English too.'

'No, I'm Scottish! There's a difference!'

'You’re right. Out of curiosity, are you related to or know a Johnny MacTavish?'

Fuck.

'Is he from Inverness, Scotland?'

'Yes. You know him?'

I had screwed up. I had seriously screwed up. I couldn't bring myself to answer him, not even when he called once I got home. It had been almost a decade and I still couldn't bear to think of him. He was supposed to be the good one. He was supposed to help me and comfort me and instead he abandoned me. If John knew him then I couldn't be around John. I couldn’t put myself or the Bean through what I had gone through the last time I’d seen him.

Once inside my flat and my door locked, I turned off my phone so I didn't have to listen to it buzz with calls and messages. How could I explain to him even the very basics to begin with? I couldn't without giving away every dirty, dark detail of why I cut him out of my life to begin with. 

Laying in bed as I felt sick, I couldn't help but think that I made a mistake. I never should have looked for John and I never should have told him. It could have been dealt with quietly and quickly and I wouldn't be so attached to it. Wrapping my arms around my belly, I started to cry. Why did I try and do the ‘right thing’ for myself? It never worked out, it wouldn’t be any different from Paul. He’d find out and he’d either leave or take the Bean or worse, would make me believe he was a good person till I truly needed him and it turned out to be a lie the whole time.

When I had ghosted John, I don’t know why I thought he’d just disappear. Why would he, after finding out I’m pregnant with his Bean, not do anything to track me down and make sure I wasn’t dead in the gutter or smuggled to another counter? While I had no information to go off of to find him other than a bar, he had plenty for me. Between my phone number, my place of work, all the information on my social media, and the doctor’s appointment that I had given the details to, I was somehow surprised to find him waiting for me at the front of the clinic the day of my appointment. It had been almost a full week since I’d seen him and had been ignoring his calls and texts in hopes he’d either talk to Johnny and find out why it was better that way or would just give up. 

“Ah, shit,” I groaned under my breath, seeing him sitting on a bench as I walked down the street from my bus stop. John had already spotted me before I could try and go another way in, giving a wave as he stood up to meet me. 

“Do you want to talk about why you pulled a Houdini on me before or after the appointment?” He asked, meeting me halfway.

“Afterwards. I haven’t eaten today and I don’t have the energy to explain everything in great detail like you’ll want it to be,” I said with a sigh. 

“Why haven’t you eaten?” John asked, frowning a bit.

“I woke up late after pulling a double shift. Turns out when you’re pregnant you get tired much more easily and if you stop moving, you do fall asleep no matter where you are,” I said, rubbing my tired eyes. There were dark circles under my eyes for sure and I probably looked like I had rolled out of bed after a week of doing nothing. My clothes were wrinkled, my trainers dirty, and my hair unwashed for the last week. John meanwhile looked put together and had done everything on his to-do list for the next month in six hours. 

“Alright, yeah. We’ll go for food after this and we can talk,” he said with a nod. Turning, he opened the door for me, letting me lead the way to the receptionist. After checking in, we found a pair of seats together in the corner. As I looked around, I felt more shame creeping up. It was a government run clinic, which meant people who weren’t well off were there and that meant stereotypes. The mum with two kids screaming while pregnant with a third, one who didn’t look older than 15 with her own mother, and one who looked like she had nicotine patches on her arms as she bounced her leg and scowled at the room. It was what I could afford as I didn’t have private insurance and John didn’t seem the type to have been in a place like that before. At least in the UK. 

I began to worry if he was silently judging me, reconsidering everything about me because we were there and not some posh doctor’s office with pleasant music playing softly while pretty people with white, toothy smiles were all around. 

“Ms. MacTavish,” a nurse said from the door to the exam rooms. Standing up, John and I followed. She took my vitals and weighed me before taking us to a small room. 

“Do you want me to hold anything?” He asked softly, minding how the room made our regular voices sound like we were shouting. 

“Oh, yes, thanks,” I said, handing my purse and jacket. I hopped onto the exam table as he held my things, moving his chair closer to the head of the table instead of at my feet. At least he was being polite. We waited a bit in silence, but it was actually comfortable. It was odd, given most people would be talking about anything and everything to avoid the fact that I was about to have to take my pants off and have someone else stick their fingers inside my fanny. 

The doctor came in after a bit, knocking then coming in without an answer from me. She immediately went to wash her hands before looking over my chart, not looking at me yet. “Okay, Ms. McTavis, you are here for a regular pregnancy check up, and is this the father of the child?” She asked, misspeaking my name. The woman looked like she was either going to ask for a manager or call the police on someone for being too loud two houses down. 

“Yes, this is John,” I said, not even bothering to correct her. I probably wouldn’t see her next time, so it didn’t matter.

“And how long have you two been sexually active together?” She asked, continuing to read over my chart and make notes. 

“Um, just once,” I said, earning a raised brow from her. “We had a one night stand. What does that have to do with the visit?”

“Ah, are you sure he’s the father?” She asked, looking down at my chart to write a few things and ignoring my question.

“Yep, the only person I’ve slept with in four months.” This was a nightmare. It was one thing to go through this with just myself, but having John there to see and hear the questions was humiliating. If we had been married or a committed couple, it would be different, but because we weren’t, I was the irresponsible one.

“All it takes is just once with no condom or pill and here you are. Alright, go ahead and take your trousers and pants off and we’ll do a quick pelvic exam.” Instead of leaving the room, she drew a curtain around me after handing me a gown. I just tried to keep any signs of embarrassment to a minimum so we could get through this. 

“I can hold those for you, Love,” John said softly, once I was changed. He was standing up with his eyes down, but holding out his hand for me to give him my clothes. 

“Thanks,” I said in a near whisper, handing him my things before getting back on the table to put my feet in the stirrups. Letting out a breath, the curtain was drawn back and the doctor scooted in on her rolly stool with gloves on and ready to go. “Lube’s a bit cold,” she said, smearing it a bit before pushing in a finger then two. It felt so uncomfortable and hurt slightly, making me even more embarrassed that John was there to see it. She had to adjust my legs, spreading them wider and higher, making it harder on my body as she did the exam. 

This was completely different from him having his head buried between my legs or him seeing me completely naked on top of him. Part of me began to wonder if I was just stupid for offering to have him at appointments with this happening. I had probably scared him off for good. Parents who wanted kids, who were trying for them, this wouldn’t bother them. We had an accident and this was forcing us to be much more intimate in an alien way.

“I need you to stay there for a moment, I forgot to grab something from the supplies,” the doctor said, pulling the curtain so I wouldn’t flash anyone when the door opened. When it closed, I tried to keep my sigh quiet, but again, those fucking rooms made a whisper sound like borderline yelling. The quiet fell over us once more, but this time, John stood up to move his chair closer. Sitting back down, he was right next to the table. He reached up and took my hand in a loose hold, giving it a quick kiss as we waited. If I wasn’t so anxious or ready to throw up, I would have cried at his sweetness. 

Once the doctor came back, she finished her exam and said everything looked good and she’d see me in four weeks. After finishing her job, she closed the door behind her after letting me know to take my time if I needed to and just leave the door open when I left. John stood up, letting go of my hand, to grab some paper towels for me. I quietly thanked him as I cleaned up myself before taking my clothes back to dress. When I was done, he took my hand in his and walked me out of there. 

Outside, I felt better, but only so much. The close interior of the clinic and the chemical smell from disinfectants were not longer trying to smother me along with my embarrassment at least. Now I had to explain everything to John and expect him to be okay with it after making him sit through that?

“If you’d like, I could get you on my health plan and you could go see a different doctor,” he offered as we kept walking. I wasn’t really paying attention to the direction as my hunger was starting to overshadow everything else, my hands getting a bit shaky had him stopping us. He looked over my face as he held both my hands, silently taking stock of where I was at. “Let’s get some food in you before we talk about anything else, yeah?”

“Please,” I said, nearly bursting into tears. Goddamn hormones. Putting his arm around me, he led us to his car to drive us to the nearest restaurant. 

After we were inside and food was ordered, delivered, then devoured, that was when he started to talk again. 

“I meant it earlier,” John said, using a napkin to wipe his face clean of crumbs. “I can put you on my health plan and you’ll be able to go to a different place.”

“I appreciate it, but this is fine,” I said, tearing up pieces of bread to sop up any juices left from my meal. “It would be a mess to change providers and this is the easiest place to get to from my place by bus.”

“You know you can ask me to take you to your appointments. It’s not a problem,” he said, looking over my plate that I practically licked clean. “Want anything else to eat? My treat.”

“I feel like a broken record a bit, but it’s fine. I’m good,” I said, fibbing a bit. Ordering a small portion didn’t exactly work in my favor, but I didn’t feel comfortable relying on him much more than I already had allowed myself to. “As for my appointments, you won’t be able to take me all the time and when I hit 28 weeks I go every other week, then at 36 weeks it’s once a week. It’s a lot to ask of you and I can do it on my own. I promise, I’m an adult.”

“Even adults need help from time to time, besides, I said I wanted to be involved,” he said. When the waitress came around to ask if we wanted anything else, John turned to look at me and waited patiently. The waitress seemed to understand what he was waiting for as she turned to look at me with a sweet smile.

“I’ll have a burger and fries. Adult portions, well done,” I said after a few seconds of panic deliberating. The man seemed unable to stop himself from trying to take care of me as much as possible. That should have been a sign to me that he was a good person and would do anything for me and the Bean. He probably did that to a lot of people around him as well. The waitress took my order with a nod then was off.

“Now, about the health plan,” John said, picking up his mug of coffee. I could see the slight smile he was hiding behind it and wanted to slap it out of his hands. Ugh. He was going to drive me insane with being so nice and helpful.

“As long as I don’t have to marry you or move in with you to be on it,” I said with resignation. 

“Done,” he said. “I’ll get you the paperwork for you to fill out and that’ll be that.” 

“Sounds good,” I said. 

A quiet fell over us as he stared at me and I refused to look at him. I knew what he wanted and until he asked, and even then, I wasn’t going to offer it up. 

“So,” he said, setting his mug down to lean against the table on his elbows. 

“So,” I said, picking up my fork to swing a bit in my fingers as I leaned back in my chair.

“You’re Johnny MacTavish’s little sister?” 

“Depends on who you ask,” I said with a shrug.

“If I were asking you?”

“Then I would say that I don’t have any siblings or immediate family.”

“And if I asked him?” I looked at his words. John was watching me, every movement, every small twitch or tell. The man was waiting for me to lie or to tell him the truth.

“Then he’d tell you he had two younger sisters. One is deceased and the other is one that he and his parents don’t talk to or see,” I said, shifting in my chair. “You didn’t tell him, did you? About me or us or the Bean?”

“No,” John said, shaking his head. “I thought you two might be estranged partners at first, but I did my own digging.”

“Yeah? What’d you find out?” I pulled my legs up in the chair to sit criss cross, unable to keep his gaze for too long. 

“I found out you went to secondary school as Johnny was starting the military and your sister was working at a local shop. Once you graduated, you went a bit wild, I would say. Partying and such. Then your sister died in a drunk driving accident and you disappeared for a bit,” he said. “But I’m still not getting the answer as to why you ran when I mentioned Johnny.”

“That is because he and I don’t speak. I haven’t spoken to him or my parents in almost a decade. Basically since our sister died,” I said, keeping my gaze on the paper straw cover that I was folding. John was quiet, letting me get the words out on my own time. “I had been at a party that night and had been drinking. So, I called Saoirse to come pick me up. All my friends were pretty pissed at the time, so I thought I was doing the right thing, you know? Not leaving with the drunk people and getting a sober driver.” I swallowed hard, feeling my chest tighten as I tried not to let the images of that not conjure up in my head. I didn’t even get to know what happened fully till my cousin Mike told me and that was nearly two days later. 

He and my other cousin Seamus were the only family I still considered to be family. They were military like Johnny, special forces in SAS, but they were older. Mike was nearly 60 and Seamus was pushing mid 40s, but they had always been kind to me and never treated me differently. Especially Mike. He’d send presents for Christmas and my birthday, things I actually wanted while my parents would give me the bland socks or clothes that I hated. He still did when he could. All he had were his brother Paulie left as his parents were gone with no spouse or kids of his own. Mike got me through the grieving, but he never spoke up like Saoirse did. 

“She was on her way there when one of the guys that was at the party left, and he hit my sister when he was trying to race someone else that was drunk. When my parents found out where I had been and why she had been there, they blamed me for her death. Johnny wasn’t around much because he was off doing military stuff, so the only story he got was from them. I never got to explain to him what happened or find out what our parents told him. He wouldn’t look at me even at the funeral when the family was gathered together. I ended up drunk halfway through and left. No one followed me aside from my cousin Mike. He let me stay with him till I could get my own place. My parents didn’t try to find me or talk to me, neither did Johnny.” 

“I’m so sorry, Love,” he said softly, reaching over to take my hand that was starting to pick at my cuticles. “That must have been. . . That’s so hard.”

“Yeah,” I said with a snort, trying not to focus on it too much and have a melt down before I got my food. “Johnny never reached out to see if what they said was true, just trusted them despite the bullshit they always pulled with me. I have no clue what I did to them, but my parents always treated me differently. It wasn’t outright abuse, but I know they never did like me, let alone love me. Saoirse always stood up for me, whenever they gave me a hard time, she’d call them out on it. Johnny didn’t get to see much of it because he was always busy and he always believed our parents. They had never done anything wrong to him, so how could they be so bad?”

“Have you tried reaching out to him? Try explaining anything to him?” John asked, rubbing my palm. 

“I did once, but he acted like I was. . . Like I was some druggie asking for help to get their next fix. It was maybe six years ago. I saw him in passing in Glasgow. He said I needed to get help and stop asking for money, before I even said anything. Johnny told me that I was an adult and couldn’t live off of mum and dad forever. Apparently our parents had been telling him that I was constantly asking for money for beer or drugs or whatever and he didn’t question it. We used to be really close, you know? Right before he turned 16 and tried to join the military, we’d always be around one another. Him and me and Saoirse. I don’t know what changed, but once he was gone, he wasn’t my brother anymore. Just a stranger who didn’t have time or want for me.” 

Just as it was getting too much to talk about, my food arrived. While I didn’t have that much of an appetite after explaining myself, even leaving a lot out, I still needed to eat. John didn’t ask any more questions as I ate, though I’m sure he had some. Finished with my food in just a few minutes, I let my meal settle before asking my own question. 

“So, how do you know Johnny?” I asked, knowing it was something that we would have to work with instead of around.

“He and I are on the same deployment team, specialized task force if you will,” John said. “We work together and see each other almost daily when we’re not deployed.”

“So this is something that he will find out about,” I said, nodding as anxiety made my stomach roll. 

“I know you two aren’t on good terms, but I can’t hide this from him. I also didn’t know how. . . Sensitive it was,” he said. “I can tell him myself or we can tell him together, but he has to know.”

“Which means my parents will find out as well,” I said, feeling like I was losing any sense of control I had over the situation. It was quickly going into a very upsetting and unwelcome direction. 

“Possibly,” John said. “I know that this is asking a lot from you, from carrying the baby to having to speak with family you cut out of your life, but I want to make this work. I want to be there for our child and you.”

“You’re right this is asking a lot,” I said, nodding as I stood up. “I can’t do this John. I’m not even sorry, but I am being asked to do so much, no I’m being told to do so much. I know you want to be in Bean’s life, but I am sacrificing everything and you get to just waltz in like the hero with the medical plan and the money and the car to take me places. I’m not-I can’t. No, it’s not happening,” I said, walking out. John cursed before following me out. 

“Love, just wait,” he said, grabbing my arm. 

“No! You wait!” I snarled as I turned on him, yanking my arm away. “I am expected to give up everything and sacrifice my sense of safety and self worth for you! Not Bean, but you! Because you work with my brother who I haven’t seen in years and because you want me to go to the nice medical practice and you want me to do this and that and I don’t want to! I don’t have to! So just leave me alone and forget I ever found you again. I’ve been on my own long enough that I can take care of myself and Bean without you.”

“You don’t have to though,” John said. He was frustrated, scrubbing his face as he looked around to see people staring at us because of my outburst. “Just-”

“No, no justs!” I cried. “I want to be left alone. Don’t call me, don’t follow me, don’t message me, nothing!”

He looked so heart broken, so desperate to help, but didn’t know how to handle being denied. Part of me wanted to just break down into tears and hug him, plead for him to never leave me, but I knew. . . I fucking knew that this was a pipe dream. Anything he and I could ever be or have was a fantasy. As soon as Johnny or my parents found out, they’d poison John against me. Help him take the Bean if they wanted to. 

I stared hard at him for a few moments before turning to walk away. I was miles from my place, but I didn’t care. The walk would help me get rid of these feelings and wants and pointless dreams. It should have been clear from the start that I wasn’t going to have a house with a yard and a bright red door with a shining white archway. No 2.5 kids with someone I loved and an old dog or cat we found while dating. I saw who I was at the clinic. The mum with two kids screaming, a third on the way while trying to handle it all on their own. That was my future.

Days passed and John kept his distance. I didn’t attempt to contact him and he did the same. After a while it felt normal again aside from getting sick at the slightest strong smell. I hadn’t escaped the dreaded ‘morning’ sickness after all. Work was hard, but I got through it, even if it meant leaving when the food began to be cooked and coming in early. Hitting 10 weeks felt like it took forever. The mood swings were still awful and my breasts were tender and swollen. I was getting a more noticeable bump too. It was easy to hide, but standing in front of a mirror in my underwear showed that there was indeed a Bean growing inside me. 

The worst part was my blood pressure. Somehow I had very low blood pressure despite the stress I was under. Low enough that if I was still for too long I would start to pass out. A quick clinic visit had me upping my salt intake and water. It wasn’t bad if I was at home, I could just sit in the floor till the feeling passed. I hadn’t experienced it outside of the house, yet. 

Mid week 11, I finally went to the store instead of eating out. I wasn’t feeling great, but I was doing what I could. Pushing the trolly up the bread aisle, I was looking for the one type of bread I knew I could stomach when fate decided that it was time for things to come to a head. 

As I was reaching for the bread, standing as tall as I could on my tippy toes, a hand reached up and grabbed it. 

“Here you go,” a familiar voice said. I turned to look at the person with wide eyes, both of us having a moment of disbelief. 

“Hey, Soap, don’t forget the-” 

Son of a fucking bitch.

“Oh,” John said as he saw me and Johnny staring at one another. ���Everything alright?”

“Yeah,” Johnny said, never taking his eyes off me. “Just helping this nice lady get some bread.” 

I never had a hair trigger to cry before, but the moment he said that instead of saying he knew me, it broke me. Bursting into tears, I couldn’t even leave. I was sobbing so hard. 

“Soap,” John said with a growl. I tried to brush his hands away, to try and get some space, but John wasn’t letting me leave. 

“Do you know her, Cap?” Johnny asked, sounding anything but pleased. 

“Easy, Love,” John said softly, pulling me close and stroking my hair. It shouldn’t have made me melt into him so easily, I should have tried harder to leave, but I was just so damn tired. 

“Price?” Johnny said, getting gruff. 

“I know who she is, Soap,” John said. “I know who you are to her. We can do this here or we can do this in private, Sergeant.” His tone left no argument or even a choice. The three of us left the store empty handed. John had me tucked under his arm the whole time we walked to a nearby house. It was just a few blocks from mine and when Johnny pulled out his keys to open the front door, I began to sob all over again. He had been so close this whole time and we never once ran into each other. It meant we either had very bad luck or he knew where I was the whole time and never said a thing. 

John offered soft words of comfort and reassurance as he guided me to a sofa. Sitting me down, he looked off to the side and told someone to bring him a cool wash cloth and to make tea. 

“I’m not fucking English, I don’t drink tea,” I croaked between sniffling sobs. 

“Yeah, but I am and so is the Bean,” John said, giving me a smile that made his cheeks round and his eyes crease. It was the same one he’d given me that first night we met. 

He had been sitting at the bar, nursing a scotch when I came up wild and loud, climbing onto a stool so I could kneel on it to be able to lean onto the bar so the bartender could hear my order. I glanced at him and flashed a smile and a wave. ‘Hi!’ I said, giving him my name. ‘Do you like tequila?’

‘Hi, I’m John and I do like tequila.’

‘It’s grand to meet you, John! Have a shot with me!’

“Who’s Bean?” A voice asked, bringing us out of our small daze. Looking up, there stood a man with dark eyes and a curious look. 

“Gaz,” John said, clearing his throat. “Not the time.” The man nodded, handing him the wash cloth that he turned to wipe my face. Letting him clean me up, I was able to calm down and at least stop crying. The headache that came after didn’t help at all. I couldn’t take any medication for it either, so I only had a bag of frozen peas that Gaz had grabbed at John’s request to help soothe the pounding behind my eyes. 

“Seems we’ve calmed down enough that we can talk,” John said as Johnny joined us, standing in the doorway, leaning against it with his arms crossed and his face sour. “There’s no good way to say this, so I might as well just say it. Johnny, your sister and I had a one night stand and now she’s pregnant.”

“Bullshit,” Johnny scoffed. 

“Sergeant,” John growled in a warning. 

“She’s not pregnant,” Johnny said, not backing down. “You two may have fucked, but she’s not pregnant. She’s just trying to get money out of you.”

“I went to a fucking doctor’s visit with her. She is pregnant and she’s been trying to avoid me and push away any help I offer her because you and your parents seem to have it out for her,” John snarled, standing up. “Now, I don’t know what your parents told you, but your sister has done everything in her power to make sure I’m not in my child’s life because you and them treat her like a plague rat. She has not once asked for a damn penny, let alone any large sum you’ve made up in your head.”

“You don’t even know if it’s yours!” Johnny cried out, pushing off from the doorframe. 

“I’m the only one she’s been with, you fucking muppet! You’d know that if you’d talk to her like a decent person, let alone a decent brother!” John snapped, getting in his face. “I have been trying to do everything I can to make sure I have a relationship with my child, at least, because it is impossible to get close to her after everything you lot put her through! I gave you the benefit of the doubt even. That you were just fed lies so much that nothing else made sense! No, this is willful ignorance now and I won’t stand for it. Your sister has been alone needlessly for years. Be a fucking man and own up to your mistakes.”

The room was deathly quiet as the two men stood there, seething as they stared each other down. 

“You know shit ain’t been addin’ up, Johnny,” a low, gruff voice said. A man with a skull balaclava stood off to the side as he watched everything. Had he been there the whole time? “It hasn’t been for a long time.” Johnny turned away from John to look at the man then to me. His snarl faded as he kept our gazes locked before walking away. “I got him, you take care of yours, Price,” the man said, calmly walking after my brother. John nodded, letting out a breath he’d been holding. 

“I. . . I’m sorry, Love,” he said softly, taking a seat next to me, his head hanging as he stared at his hands. “I know you didn’t want any of this and I’ll take you home if you want me to.”

“John,” I said, reaching over and taking his calloused hand in mine. “Thank you.” He looked from our hands to my face, his brows relaxing a bit from the worried scrunch they’d been stuck in.

“You’re welcome,” he said softly, leaning in to kiss my cheek. 

“I think maybe we should try things differently,” I said, bumping his head with mine. 

“Yeah?” He hummed, pulling me close to rest against his chest. 

“Dating. We should date. Start there and work our way up,” I said, nuzzling against his chest. He was wearing a soft cable knit sweater and I wanted to climb inside it with him. 

“I think that’s a good idea,” he said, his voice rumbling deep in his chest as he put both arms around me. 

“I also need the insurance papers again. . . I lost them,” I said, tucking my head under his, happy in the warm and safe spot I’d made. 

“Of course,” John said, chuckling. 

“Also. . . That was really hot, you standing up for me. I don’t think I’d ever been so turned on before,” I said, hiding my smirk.

“Brat,” he snorted. “Do you want to go home?”

“Can you come with me and stay?” I asked, pulling away to look up at him.

“Wild dogs couldn’t keep me away,” John smiled, leaning down to kiss me. 

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Taglist: @birdstoprey @sebbytheraccoon @pricescigar @alwaysshallow

[sugarywishes]

In your AU, what do you think originally made William do what he did? And more pressingly, how did his motivations and goals change over time, as he got spring locked and eventually burned later on? I am very curious, especially with all the different interpretations around. And I wonder if it was a small thing at worse made worse by Evan's and/or Elizabeth's deaths, or if he was long gone even before they occurred...

May I just say, I absolutely love every question you throw at me, it gives me time to flesh out my rewrite of FNAF a lot and I really appreciate it! Answer below as usual. Also I guess, spoilers for my rewrite?? (As if I haven't been constantly yapping about this)

His original motivation was indeed Evan. He was his most treasured valuable, and losing him was horrible for everyone, and also having your family slandered by everyone in the community and getting fired made things even worse. It made William become more unhinged than he's ever been before, and he kills Charlie as a result (it was accidental drunk rage)

Anyways he totally freaks out at this and drives away before anyone could see him. He tried his best to forget abt it and avoid the restaurant and Henry but he went back to the location eventually to take cash (cause yk he doesn't have money so he resorted to steal some because Henry never took Will's keys, and also he didn't change the locks) and then he notices something off about the puppet animatronic, it seems almost too alive. Out of curiosity, he checks the old Golden suits in the back and sees that Fredbear's suit seems weirdly twitchy for being inanimate. And he notices that a weird dark ooze spills out of the robots so he takes some of it to investigate more in his basement

Some library scouring here, some personal experiments here and he dubs the substance Remnant and deduced that maybe enough of this could maybe bring Evan back to life (so his plan was to pull a Victor Frankenstein, holy shit) so he originally killed the MCI to collect more remnant to eventually use for Evan's corpse to hopefully bring him back, it successfully brought back a rat he was testing (but he failed to see that the rat kept decaying even when it was still 'alive') So who's to say that Evan just wouldn't become some sort of zombie or something?

But he starts getting a little too into the killing children thing. When he killed the first three, he did it out of a necessity and didn't really have any feelings when doing so. But after Fritz and Cassidy he started to enjoy it (and as i said in the Cassidy post he didn't have to kill her but he did because he wanted to) it was the first time he's felt joy since before Evan's death. It actually kind of grossed him out, so for a while, he stopped killing. (Internal conflicts, he'll eventually completely embrace this horrible part of him, and also because it's to show that he could've just not done that but yk thats the consequences of his actions so...) But he still thought it wasn't enough remnant (it's an excuse for him to keep killing!)

But as I said before he likes doing things the easy way, and he thought maybe if I make robots to kill kids I just get remnant faster and uh oh. Liz dies. And he doesn't really like the fact that the children that he does tolerate somewhat keep dying so he ditches that idea. It also makes him even more crazy!

This moment kinda awakens a fear of death in him (as if he hasn't been surrounded by death by KILLING KIDS) so now he starts killing the DCI/KCI kids to get some remnant for himself (and also cause he likes killing kids) to live longer to 'keep working on his Evan project' (which he has been sidelining), then yk then he dies. And in my other posts I said he doesn't remember much of anything in his human life when he becomes Springtrap, so in his memories he killed kids just cause he thought it was fun and he wanted to be immortal. Same thing applies to Scraptrap and Glitchtrap (at least until he sees Gregory and it awakens the locked away memories he had of his family, but that's a story for another time!)

He's always had the potential to be evil (as it think everyone has that) but it took a while for him to fully become the monster he is deep down. Or something like that idk how to sound cool in text lmao

[frythatrice]

Girls' Last Tour ep12 rant/reaction/something/review?

I am (very drunk) and just watched Girls' Last Tour for the first time. Here are some thoughts about ep12, specifically the camera sync scene and a bit beyond, maybe. I got all synapses firing trying to write out this intro as coherently as possible, I'm not sure the rest will be readable - I will check when I'm sober.

Ep12 of Girls' last tour makes my head hurt. I don't know what the fuck is happening in my head but I can tell the writing kicks ass.

The contrast between people living absolutely normal, mundane and boring lives, school festivals, clubs and hanging out with friends, getting better at the hospital, birthdays, having children, being contrasted with abject brutality and the worst of humanity. Being observed by two girls so far removed from all the happenings, living so far in the future they never really ever had a concept of what society or culture even is, "history" being just… the idea of a society, rather than a specific culture or nation. Mundane daily life contrasted by the horrors of war, and how do the girls view it? "It kinda makes you feel less alone". They just witnessed the fall of humanity, and it boils down to more or less a fun fact for them.

"Our military has secured a great victory, with the neighboring state's casualties numbering over fifty million. // So we bought french fries."

It's like the mundanity of human existence being flattened in one sentence. 50 million people dead is basically a fucking genocide. It's being put on the same level as a McDonald's side meal. The contrast makes my fucking head hurt.

It's like the show is saying, look at all the people they killed, look at how hard they were winning their stupid war - to the people that have to live in the world they left behind, it has as much (or less)worth as french fries.

Chito and Yuuri, the last two humans alive, saying that they don't care the world is ending as long as they're together is the biggest fuck you to the worst of humanity I've ever seen in my life. They just watched a highlight reel of how the world ended and concluded with "ok that that was cool, anyways". That's fucking crazy. Humans can do some fucked up shit but sometimes girls hold hands and I feel like that makes up for it.

[analiavs]

Give Me Some Sugar

Kylar/Briar

word count: 4455

Warnings: Kylar, rape, stalking, kidnapping, electrocution, KYLAR, drugging, choking, a pinch of mind break and a dash of Stockholm syndrome

Summary: Briar catches the attention of a sweet little sugar daddy. But of course he's more than meets the eye

AO3 link for those that prefer:

Hit read more if you prefer to read in tumblr (it's long tho)

He’d been searching for his beloved when he saw them, Hanshoku Kanona made flesh. He couldn’t believe his eyes. S-rank ass, D-rank chest, long brown hair with matching eyes, milky skin, and perfect teeth. He’d thought his beloved would be the closest he’d ever get to seeing perfection in real life, but the lithe form in front of him changed everything. 

“Listen kid, I’m not for sale.” The voice, while not deep, was male. Well, maybe absolute perfection came at a cost. How could he have thought himself worthy of seeding the pinnacle of humanity after all. Nevertheless he could practically visualize his darling in a mating press.

“I’m a man. Don’t underestimate me, I’ll be sure to win your heart.” He quoted his favorite badass anime character  Yūdokuna otokorashi-sa. 

“Excuse me?” 

“What do you like? I’ll prove myself worthy of your love.” 

“Honey I have expensive tastes, a brat like you could never satisfy me.” Just as quickly as he’d met them, he watched his beloved strut away. He’d seen him then. A designer suit and jewelry adorning his body. If his beloved wanted to be a sugar baby he could provide.

Kanona would never have been driven by greed, but once he’d lured his beloved into his grip he could show him the way. He’d make sure to get as much information as possible from the strippers at school. And finally lay his trap.

—- 

He cornered one of the Chads the next day. 

“Listen man, I don’t want any trouble.” He’d put his hands up. Yes, he had his knife out, but it was necessary for the interrogation. It was lunchtime so there wouldn’t be anyone in this hallway.

“Just answer my questions and there won’t be any problems.”

“Ok ok, just put the knife down dude.”

“NO! Not until you answer my questions.” He pulled some of his pictures out, his hands trembling from the adrenaline.

“Who is this? And what do you know about them?”

“Huh, Briar. He’s the owner of the brothel. A really corrupt and evil person, is he blackmailing you? If you need help Kylar-” The information close at hand his frenzy grew.

“No I don’t! Give me more information!”

“Um ok. He’s um basically an alcoholic, but he only drinks wine. He’s got a daddy kink. Shit… what else? He’s dangerous, I don’t recommend catching his eye. If he really likes you, you'll get better paying but more degrading shows or have to service him personally.” The Chad rambled. He trembled with rage at the thought of this jock getting to touch his beloved. For a hot second he considered stabbing him, but it wasn’t his fault if his beloved was slutting around trying to find his soulmate. Besides, neither of them were still pure.

“Never touch him again!” 

“Listen man, if it was my choice I’d never even go to Harvest St.” The Chad shrugged. He grit his teeth before leaving to get to his next target. He found her flashing passersby in the courtyard. He couldn’t believe he’d once thought this mere Stacey was worthy of his affection.

“Come with me!” 

“You wanna fuck?” The bimbo asked, eagerly following him. He led her to a bathroom stall. 

“What do you know about Briar?” She seemed confused, lowering the skirt that didn’t cover the cum dripping down her legs. He couldn’t believe only yesterday seeing that would have filled him with jealousy.

“The brothel owner? He’s a real shady sonnuva bitch. You don’t want to get involved with him bruv, you might end up in a real froggy situation.” 

“Tell me about him!” She scoffed,

“What about him? He’s a sloppy drunk and a solid fuck. Likes pretty things, likes breaking pretty things. Real sadist type ya know? One of the worst scum this town has to offer but he’s charismatic.” They weren’t saying anything of substance about his beloved. Merely his negatives, the negatives he was going to fix.

Without saying anything else he left the bathroom stall. That must mean no one truly knew him. He’d get his beloved to open up to him and only him. He chose to forgo the rest of his lessons and dedicate himself to his mission. 

He rushed home to collect his tool kit. He heard his parents hissing with displeasure over him cutting class. But they didn’t understand, no one did. He grabbed his surveillance equipment: bugs, camera, binoculars, his spy cameras, and tracking devices. 

He stared reverently at his poster of his dear Kanona, soon he would be able to feel her between his fingers. He dressed in a fully black outfit, completed with a hoodie, mask, gloves, and sunglasses. While he may not be the ideal size of an alpha male it wasn’t all negative. Plus, that Stacey had always told him he had inches where it mattered.

One look at his dick and his precious would know he was a true alpha male. And ever since he’d started following Dr. Magnum’s workout videos he’d been gaining physical strength. Combine that with his limitless pepper spray supply and he would be unbeatable. Finally, factor in his wealth and there was no debate he was a high-value man. 

He recited Dr. Magnum’s fifteen affirmations for high value men in the mirror until he felt the strength from the words in his soul. Prepared and confident he headed towards Harvest Street. He followed the hidden paths that avoided the other townspeople. 

He made it to Harvest Street without a confrontation and snuck into the brothel unnoticed. Since it was still afternoon, there weren't many patrons. He had to be extra discrete while planting his bugs and spy cameras.

He kept a constant scan of the brothel as he worked. No one noticed him. Once he set devices to have a 24/7  stream of data from the brothel he slid into the shadows to wait for his beloved to come out of his office.

As it got later in the evening more patrons and strippers arrived. His beloved shouldn’t associate with all these dirty grimy people. Well, soon the only person his dear Kanona would see was him. Shortly after the Stacey strutted in, Briar finally stepped out of his office.

He resisted the urge to abduct his darling right then and there and forced himself to focus on his mission. He picked the lock to the room with ease and slipped in, making sure to lock it behind him. 

Instead of a desk like he expected he saw a rather ornate sofa. There were a few filing cabinets and barrels in the room but besides that the room was empty. He quickly set up his bugs and cameras. He found a stash of wine bottles. 

They were expensive, but not as expensive as some of the bottles in his parents' wine cellar. He might have just found a good use for them now.

He went through and inspected the other fixtures in the room. The barrels he saw a large amount of aphrodisiac drugs. He wanted to go through the filing cabinets, but he didn’t want to risk leaving a trace. As he was doing a final sweep he noticed a door hidden in the wall. 

Intrigued, he picked the lock and snuck into the room. It looked like a bedroom, a private bedroom. Glee tickled his spine. This room was meant only for his darling’s eyes, no one else. This was their little secret. He was overjoyed as he planted his bugs and spy cameras. There was even a little bathroom attached to the room. His feed would be glorious, he could never have expected such a stroke of good luck. He set cameras everywhere. 

He took note of what kind of soaps and perfumes he preferred. Even the clothes and jewelry. And couldn’t resist the urge to steal a pair of red briefs out of the underwear drawer. His beloved scent was all over them. He inhaled deeply, sighing in pleasure.

As much as he wanted to stay in the room forever, he knew he couldn’t linger for too long or he’d run the risk of being caught.  Reluctantly he snuck back out of the bedroom and office. No one saw him, all focused on the admittedly impressive autofisting going on on stage. Even the security guards were watching his ex obsession contort herself on the stage. 

He spotted his beloved sitting next to the Headteacher of all people. He swallowed down  jealousy and refocused. Now came the tricky part after all. Even for the Stacey he’d never considered implanting a tracking device, but now it felt necessary. 

He couldn’t risk his precious Kanona ever being able to get away from him. He readied his syringe and crawled on the disgusting ground to evade attention. He made it to his beloved's ankle, the needle tip was small enough that he wouldn’t feel it, but he wished he could sanitize the area before sticking him. He plunged it quickly and efficiently, as he’d predicted it went unnoticed. 

While he was under their table he decided to eavesdrop and tie Leighton’ shoes together. 

“Ugh, I tried to get her to do private photoshoots for me, but she laughed and said she could use the publicity.” He was so close to his beloved, but he didn’t dare touch him. He did sniff him though. 

“Psh, pay her enough and she’ll do anything. If you can’t even afford one of Bailey’s whores you really are worthless. This towns so fucked who doesn’t have a sextape floating around at this point? Once your students figure that out, you’ll be powerless. We’d have to call you Failton.” He was glad his beloved didn’t seem to care for the Headteacher even if they were sitting together.

“Shut up slut, what’ll you do when people realize they’re paying for something this town provides for free?”

“Convenience fee darling, besides my services satisfy certain tastes. The underground has a queue after all.” His beloved’s voice took on a layered tone. These underground dealings were likely what had struck fear in the Chad and Stacey’s heart. Well he’d just have to purify his darling’s soul. He took one last sniff before sneaking away. 

He had the rest of his preparations to make after all. Back at home he prepared his surveillance room. He set up the different channels for his camera feeds and then their complimentary audio channels. He had several screens dedicated to showing the feeds and then a central screen that could enlarge a feed and play the audio. 

He watched his beloved for a while before heading to bed. Now that the preliminary preparations were complete he’d be able to relax. Continue to go to school and keep his parents and society satisfied. 

Soon he’d have his precious Kanona and she’d never want to ever be apart from him. Ever.

___

When some creep had talked a big game about winning him over he hadn’t really put much stock in it. He knew he was hot, and he used it to his advantage. So when the guy popped up a week later with the most expensive bottle of wine he’d ever seen he almost didn’t know how to react.

He recovered quickly enough to smile and twirl his hair on a finger. He assumed  he’d raided some cellar and had no idea what he actually had in his hands. 

“Aw, thanks cutie.” He cooed, grabbing the bottle. He batted his eyes and asked his name.

“Ky... Kylar.” Even a stutter, this was going to be too easy. He’d always been partial to keeping a sugar daddy around, though it had been a long time since he’d had a consummate sugar daddy. Nevertheless, his old charms came flooding back like muscle memory.

“Kylar… hmm what a cute name.” Kylar’s whole face turned red, he bit back a laugh. 

“Maybe you can satisfy my tastes after all.” He smiled before strutting away from the guy. He could practically hear the gears turning in his head as he walked away. 

Usually he would drink in his office, but he wanted to savor this in private. And be sure it wasn’t tampered with.

He grabbed his fanciest wine glass and a corkscrew then settled onto his bed. The seal was still perfectly intact, he smiled. 

Aged one hundred years, he couldn’t wait. Alone he was free to dress up and fantasize a bit. 

He slipped into a lace negligee and posed in front of the mirror.

“Honey you’ve still got it.” He hadn’t even had to give anything up for the wine bottle, his new diet must be working better than he’d thought. He inspected his body carefully, there were no imperfections that he could see. He put on a jewelry set, now he looked perfect. 

He laid down on his bed and uncorked his wine bottle. It smelled heavenly, he poured himself a glass and flicked it around with his wrist. He sipped and moaned. The bottle really didn’t disappoint, it was smooth and strong.

He drank almost half the bottle and found himself asleep. In the following weeks Kylar got him luxury perfumes and soaps. He quickly swapped them into his daily routine. His skin and hair had never been so soft. 

He’d never had a paypig before but he was loving it. Kylar’s weekly visits soon came to be his favorite day of the week. 

A few months into their relationship Kylar came up to him holding some jewelry boxes. He couldn’t wait to see how they topped the gifts he’d already received. 

“Ooh, come to my office sweetie.” He practically dragged him to his sofa. 

“What’d you get me this week?” He purred. Kylar stuttered but finally managed to say jewelry. Eagerly, he grabbed the biggest case first. 

It was a genuine pearl necklace. He could feel his jaw drop a bit, this was the most expensive jewelry he’d ever held in his hands. It practically shone in the box.

His hands shook as he put the necklace on. Then he reached out for the next box. Pearl and opal earrings, he put them on eagerly. This matching set must look gorgeous. He could see the shine reflecting from them.

It made his own jewelry look like mere trinkets in comparison. 

“One more.” Kyar said and opened up a ring box. A lustrous opal ring surrounded by small pearls. It was gorgeous. He took off the rings he already had on and put it on his ring finger. He stared at it, mesmerized by its beauty.

“I got the rings and earrings custom made, though they can’t compare to your beauty.” 

“Aw, you're such a smooth talker.” He waited for the shoe to drop, surely even a virgin wouldn’t give such expensive jewelry for nothing in exchange. 

“Don’t worry my love, these are just gifts from me to you. I can wait-” He muttered something under his breath and before he could blink Kylar was gone. How flattering, he hadn’t thought he could still get people to fall in love with him with just a look. 

He rushed into his room to dress to match his new jewelry. He slipped on the light blue suit jacket Kylar had gotten tailor made for him. Then gazed at his reflection in the mirror. 

He wasted almost half an hour enraptured with the jewelry. Such lustrous gems weren’t often seen by commoners. He needed to keep himself in Kylar’s good graces. He giggled to himself wondering how Kylar would top this. He hadn’t imagined that the brat was anything more than just a thief. 

He finished picking out the luxury outfit that matched his new jewelry, he wondered how long had Kylar been planning out these gifts for them to match perfectly. With a spritz of the cologne he’d been gifted, he finally stepped out of his room. 

All eyes were on him, as they should be. He could taste the jealousy in the air. He smiled and called his driver. There were some “independent contractors” he wanted to get under his control today. When the limo pulled up he slid into his seat.

“Take me to the cafe and after that the pub.” He was craving pancakes, but he was likely going to get a fruit salad. Then shakedown some floozies and he could call it a day.  Five minutes into the ride his eyes got heavy and he fell asleep. 

When he woke up his head was pounding. There was something heavy around his neck, he sat up slowly. He kept blinking trying to refocus his eyes. He felt around his neck and found a collar that was attached to a metal chain. He tried to get it off, but it wouldn’t budge. Who would dare kidnap him! He shook with rage as he tried to free himself. 

There were no weak points on the chain. It was better than the restraints he used in the underground. He took in the room. He was on a king sized bed and the blankets were soft enough. There was a dresser with a mirror attached. He looked at himself. 

His hair was a mess but he looked normal enough. He still had his ring and earrings on, but the necklace had been replaced with the collar. He got off the bed. To his surprise the chain could extend from the wall. He walked towards one of the doors in the room and the chain didn’t stop him. He opened the door and found a bathroom. It was already prepared with toiletries and cosmetics. 

Was this another underground ring trying to show off their power? But there was no way his bodyguards wouldn’t have noticed. He walked out the bathroom to the next door and tried it. 

He’d expected it to be locked but it opened out to a hallway. He tried to step out of the room, but the chain didn’t extend anymore. He tried to force it and suddenly the chain flew back into the wall, yanking him on the bed by the neck. He coughed and sputtered trying to regain his breath. 

He tried to feel for a weak point on the collar, but couldn’t find it. He pressed on the usual failure points, but nothing worked.  He heard a rustling coming from the hallway, he prepared himself for a confrontation. But to his shock it was Kylar. 

“My precious Kanona-chan, finally I have you all to myself. It’s been so hard waiting, but tonight we can finally consummate our love.” Kylar’s face was split into a monstrous grin. 

“What the fuck are you talking about!?” He got up ready to beat the shit out of the little motherfucker, but an electrical jolt from the collar brought him to his knees. 

“Oh my love, don’t be like that. I don’t want to have to punish you. Tonight we’ll have so much fun. I have your outfit for tonight. You already have the ring.” Kylar paused to giggle to himself. This guy was insane, he backed up into the bed. 

“You can’t keep me here, you… you psycho.” He spat. He screamed when the collar jolted him again. He collapsed onto the bed. Kylar walked up to him and pet his hair.

“Oh darling, don’t worry no one will find us here. So put this on. I don’t want you to get punished again.” He spoke like he wasn’t the one hurting him and dropped a brown parcel onto the bed. 

“I’ll give you some privacy to get changed, but it’s not like I haven’t seen it before. And make sure you put everything on. If anything’s missing you might have to get punished.” Kylar stalked out of the room. He pressed a hand to his chest, his heart was actually racing. He knew he was angry, but could it be that he was scared too?

With shaking hands he reached for the package. He opened it and found a white short ball gown. He stripped and put it on numbly. It didn’t even cover his butt. He’d done the same to countless whores, but he’d never expected to be on the receiving end. There wasn’t even underwear in the bag, though there was a white leg garter. He slipped it on. 

He looked in the mirror. He looked like some kind of perverse bride, he’d had girls do a few shows on the concept but it was a little too cliche for his tastes. It didn’t take long for Kylar to stumble back in, this time wearing an ill fitting suit. 

“My beautiful bride, this will be a night we remember for the rest of our lives. Tomorrow we’ll dance, but tonight we’ll have some fun. Just like in the first volume of Isshō tsudzuku no ni jūbun'na hanshoku.” Kylar pushed him onto the bed. He had no idea what he was raving about, when he tried to struggle he was shocked again. He went limp on the bed. 

“First, the garter.” He watched Kylar go down to his thigh. The bastard mouthed at it, kissing his leg sloppily. Before finally grabbing it with his teeth and pulling it down. Once he finished that he jumped up and pressed a kiss to his mouth, it tasted overwhelmingly of mint. 

“I’d follow the manga to a t, but I wouldn’t want it to hurt. Heheeheehe, I learned that the hard way. No, my darling there’s no pain play till volume three. Today’s our simple wedding night.” Just how long did this freak plan on keeping him here. 

“Listen… I’ll let you get one freebie. Just let me go after ok. Please Kylar, there won’t be any consequences if you do.” His voice sweet as pie, he batted his eyes. 

“You want this just as much as I do my love? Oh my darling I’ll never let you go!” This motherfucker wasn’t listening at all. Kylar pinned him on his back and climbed up his body till he could kiss him. Kylar forced his tongue into his mouth. Kylar kept his eyes open staring directly at him while he kissed him. Eventually he just closed his eyes to escape his gaze, letting Kylar do what he wanted. 

Green eyes weren’t a rarity in this town, but something about Kylar’s eyes actually made him feel nervous. Kylar didn’t let up for air, he felt his eyes start to water. He had no choice but to bite down on Kylar’s tongue to try and get him to let up. Of course the collar shocked the hell out of him, but at least Kylar pulled back. He gasped for air, still laying on his back. 

“Oh my dear Kanona-chan, if you wanted to skip to consummation you should have just said that. You know I could kiss you forever.” Kylar was completely wrapped up in his own little fantasy world. He didn’t even respond. Just stared at the ceiling, willing it to be over with already.

He doubted a shrimp like Kylar could be packing much, or have stamina. That’s what he told himself as awkward fingers breached him. At least the dude knew to use lube.

He still felt pretty limber from the monthly farm orgy, so at least he had that going for him. Though small as Kylar’s hands were he could probably double fist him and he still wouldn’t feel it. He wasn’t particularly skilled either. If he told himself it was just a pity fuck that might make it more bearable. 

Despite the crushing blow to his pride, so far things had been pretty vanilla. So really he just needed to focus on escaping. Or cajole the creep into taking the collar off. He didn’t bother watching Kylar put it in. Maybe if he seemed disinterested Kylar would get a reality check.

Thus he was wholly unprepared for the biggest cock he’d ever taken to get rammed into him. He felt the wind get pushed out of him, even Remy’s stupid bulls weren’t that big. He tried smacking the idiot as he tried to blink the tears out of his eyes. 

“What the fu- mmph” somehow the whelp was able to reach up and kiss him. Effectively muffling his complaints. He tried biting down on Kylar but that only seemed to inspire him. He’d never felt anything like this before. Maybe Remy could enjoy a battering ram on his prostate, he preferred his lovers to be more sensual. He almost choked on the spit pooling in his mouth. Finally Kylar let up so he could breathe. He gasped and sucked air in, body bouncing from the force of Kylar’s thrusts. 

“You bastard! I’ll sell you to the farm for this! Mmph-!” The hands that had been clawed around his waist wrapped around his neck in a death grip. He tried to claw them off. Kylar looked mad as he humped into him. 

“You love this , you love this, you love this…” He kept repeating it. He tried to loosen Kylar’s grip, but he was electrocuted. His body spasmed as Kylar kept fucking him. His body started feeling tingling as black spots started appearing in his vision. In a way the novelty was thrilling. 

He never let anyone be so rough with him. None of his playmates ever so much as slapped his ass. As he started losing consciousness, his eyes started rolling back. He felt his arms falling limp at his sides as the world went black. When he woke up, he gasped. 

His body tingled. He’d never felt anything like this, he felt his own dick was hard. Another hard jab to his prostate, he gasped gently. He felt hypersensitive now, his mind was foggy. He hadn’t realized when it started to feel good. He moaned quietly. Kylar suddenly stilled. 

“Oh my dear Kanona! I knew you would love this too! If it’s better for you, you can call me daddy.” Kylar said pressing frenzied kisses around his chest before starting to thrust into him wildly. He bounced with each thrust. The shrimp had a surprising amount of core strength. Kylar’s sweat dripped onto him. 

“I’m gonna breed you now, but don’t worry you won’t get pregnant until volume 6.” He shivered, feeling his own orgasm finally force its way out. Finally Kylar’s hips stuttered before he ground into him and collapsed onto him. He couldn’t believe he’d passed out on top of him. And he was still inside. Ugh… at least he didn’t have to deal with the cum dripping out for now. Kylar was almost endearing, cuddling into him. He shook his head. He needed to focus on escaping. But the afterglow got to him too and he fell asleep.

[eldritchsurveys]

1195.

Do you think the sound of rain is soothing? >> It can be, but not all rain sounds the same. Also, it depends on what it's hitting.

Have you ever eavesdropped on someones conversation? >> I have.

Do you still play the slugbug no slugbug back game? >> I rarely played it in the first place (like, one or two occasions, maybe? I know what it is but I don't have much of a memory of actually playing it).

Has anyone ever told you to grow up? >> Of course. An absurd thing to say, if you ask me, but whatever.

Have you ever had a staring contest with a pet? xP It’s fun! >> Sure. I usually win. :p

When you were little did you measure yourself alot to see how much you grew? >> I did not.

Do you always win or lose at the silence game? .

Have you ever tried to read in the dark? >> Many times. Was a big reader as a child, comes with the territory.

Have you ever felt guilty when someone close to you died? >> I don't remember if guilt was a thing I felt. I'm not sure I could even categorise the specific feelings I had, I was not at all emotionally intelligent at that time.

Don’t you hate it when you start to feel hungry just after you brushed your teeth? >> I always think this is going to happen to me but it rarely does.

Have you ever ate a bug? >> I have.

Have you ever got a piece of glass stuck in your foot? >> I have not.

Do you think apple jacks is a good cereal? >> I don't know, I haven't had it in many many years.

Do you make excuses alot or know someone that does? . Do you think pit bulls are as mean as everyone says they are? >> I'm sure some are, for various reasons, but I don't think it's a rule.

Have you ever done something that gave someone the wrong impression? >> Of course.

Has someone ever gave you something then took it back? >> I do have the feeling that that's happened to me before, but I can't remember the circumstance.

Have you ever had a wardrobe malfunction? >> I did. At least two members of the band Sevendust have seen my tits as a result.

At this age you are now, have you colored in a coloring book & had fun? >> Sure.

Have you ever had a bubble bath? >> As a child, I'm sure, but not after that.

When eating, are you more concerned with the taste or healthiness? >> The taste. Have you ever shoved stuff under your bed to make your room look clean? >> I have not.

Do your fingers ever get tired from typing? >> They don't; I am very habituated to typing and I'm sure I could do it for hours with no problem. Now, writing, on the other hand. 💀

Have you ever tried picking up an item with your foot? >> I have.

What’s your opinion on sporks? >> I don't like them, they're the worst of both worlds.

If you had nowhere else to go, which friend of yours would let u stay over? .

Do you know anyone who has been a victim of a drunk driver? >> I do not.

Don’t you hate it when people try to act like they know it all? >> I don't know anyone that tries to act like this. I think maybe this is an over-reported phenomenon that is more often based upon fundamental misunderstanding of people's actual motivations in sharing knowledge than based on actual cases of people flaunting their knowledge to seem superior. Are you nosy? >> I am.

Is there someone that makes your life hell? >> Not currently.

Have you ever been ditched by your friends? >> Probably.

If someone could see into your heart, what do you think they would see? .

Has someone ever sneaked up on you & scared the shit out of you? >> More often accidentally than purposefully, but yeah.

How long does it take you to brush your teeth? >> Judging by the vibrating of my toothbrush, usually around a minute, minute thirty. I get too impatient and bored for the whole two minutes most of the time. Surely it can't take two whole minutes anyway, like, come on. Have you ever went to bed angry at someone? >> Absolutely. Who do you call when you forget what your homework assignment is? .

Do you interrupt people while they’re speaking? >> Sometimes, sure, if I get excited enough. I prefer not to, though.

Are you a rulebreaker? >> I can be.

What would you do if you became an overnight celebrity? >> Immediately set about figuring out how to stop being an overnight celebrity.

Do you know someone who can’t keep a secret? . Have you ever walked into a room & all eyes were on you? >> Possibly.

What would you do if someone forbid you to see the 1 you love? .

Do you believe everyone has a twin out there somewhere? >> I don't think so.

Have you ever felt replaced? >> Sure.

Do you show your true colors? .

What would you do if your best friend was marrying someone you can’t stand? . what would you do if your car got impounded? .

Do you lose your patience easily? >> Not really.

Do you think putting paper in a shredder is fun? >> It can be, I guess.

Are there any weird or creepy legends about the area you live in? >> I don't know, I haven't been paying attention.

What would you do if a skunk sprayed you? >> Lose my goddamn fucking mind. That would suck so bad.

Would you drink a gallon of sour milk for $250? >> Fuck no. Has someone ever thrown something at you & it landed down your shirt? >> Probably.

What makes you feel sensational? .

What toys did you play with in the bathtub as a kid? .

Do you like jumping off diving boards? .

Do you follow ingredients when you cook or do u do what you think is right? >> I follow recipes for things I've never made before, but even then I tend to default to my own judgement especially about shit like how much spices to add.

Do you space out a lot? >> Not a lot.

Do energy drinks make you feel jittery? >> I don't know, I prefer not to drink those. On the recent occasion that I had a Red Bull for kicks, it didn't make me feel anything specific. Do you have anything you want to confess to? .

Have you ever been to summer camp? >> Only day camp (as a child, anyway; I've attended overnight camps as an adult).

Do you wear name brands? >> I don't think anything I own is of a recognisable brand unless it's a store brand (like Hot Topic or Old Navy). Are you good at bingo? >> I don't think you can be good at bingo? It's kinda random, innit.

[duochromium]

thought i’d make an “ongoing projects list” for the few who are gonna go to my profile and read this so here is the december 11 2023 deer fanfic status report, ordered from highest priority to lowest priority, where for once i actually go into detail about the wip projects of mine

-

first on our list is a fanfic i started on saturday night, ‘The Ferryman’. it’s a short oneshot focusing on Eiki, Komachi, and their boss/worker dynamic and also what their life actually is like over in higan. the premise is just eiki joining komachi on break to go skip stones and talk and they eventually just start talking about how they actually view the other, friendship development heartfelt moment etc etc (it is NOT yuri. i would NEVER write about women falling in love)

it’s the first in a series of unconnected oneshots where i write about characters i’ve never studied before (credits to riguren for the idea). it’s not gonna have much going on and all of the works in the series will probably be really light hearted. i’m most likely doing Satori next since the one time i’ve written her seriously she was just Grumpy because i haven’t studied her before. anyways this oneshot series is going to contain zero romance because i want to explore more non-romantic relationships but dw more homosexuality coming soon

ferryman is currently 1,022 words

-

second in my priority list is a fic I started all the way back in late July. this one is OLD old. the title is, i shit you not,

‘You know the song by Phil Collins, "In the Air of the Night" about that guy who coulda saved that other guy from drownin' but didn't, then Phil saw it all, then at a show he found him?’

it fits in the ao3 title character limit. i’ve checked. the title has literally no connection to the story itself. it’s a line from Eminem - Stan. i’ll get to how i came up with it later.

so the actual premise is flandre is bored so sakuya takes her on a night walk, then the two creeps meet the grassroots trio (wakasagihime, sekibanki, and kagerou if yall dk) and it’s basically just flandre having no social skills and the grassroots being absolutely terrified of these two widely known and feared people in gensokyo who are actually much politer than they ever could have expected. it also contains a yukkuri joke that i am considering writing out because it didn’t land well

as for how i got to the name, here is a message i sent to my friend on discord three days after starting it:

so my thought process was basically:

“ok well maybe call it night walk”

“nah too boring. maybe something that describes a specific aspect?”

“oh I could call it ‘in the air of the night’ which is some phrase I heard somewhere”

“hey where did I hear that phrase”

“oh yeah an Eminem lyric”

“Fuck it. Title it the original Eminem lyric.”

hilarious yes i know. in the air of the night is currently 2,488 words (I ONLY PICKED IT BACK UP RECENTLY FORGIVE ME)

-

third up is that elusive “Experimental Oneshot” i’ve been talking about in my notes for the past two months. it is called “They Beat The Shit Out of Each Other at The End” for obvious reasons. it’s basically just a crackship except they’re friends instead of lovers

so our first protagonist is reimu. she’s really lonely and sad so she gets even more lonely and sad and also way too drunk and lies on her front porch all night crying because what else do you do

our second protagonist is cirno. she’s walking through the forest at like 2am alone because she wants to challenge reimu to a rematch. and also because she’s a dumbass

the two meet and through cirno’s stubbornness and reimu’s drunkenness the two are locked in a stalemate on reimu’s front porch which eventually leads to actual conversation and before you know it they’re actually starting to enjoy each other’s company

eventually day breaks and cirno still wants that fight so it happens and the entire second half of the fic, the fight, is just a really long “hmm rumia ex? what if there was cirno ex where she was just ice goku” joke and she kind of kicks reimu’s shit in. it’s gonna be great and she is not going to respect spell card rules at all

currently 2,778 words

-

numba four is uhh. actually this one is probably above the night walk one so consider it second place it’s modern technology chapter 4. sanae and reimu and marisa play a game of monopoly together and get really fucking mad. that’s the entire premise. only 701 words so far i know that is nothing but i have NOT been on my a game lately. gonna be peak though i swear it

-

and that is all, actually! i also have many unstarted ideas, i might do a sequel to this post tomorrow where i talk about those

thank you for reading (no tags this one is only 4 my loyal followers)

[ssreeder]

S R E E D I E

can someone (god if you’re out there) please tell me why I saw you responding to ao3 comments which is USUALLY my tip off that you’re about to drop another chapter, and instead of heeding that warning I just… Forgot about it. ANYWAYS onto the live reaction of my reading there is very little actual in depth analysis or contribution of value here to enjoy the screaming into the abyss <3

FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FI-

I just- I just love bato so much dude. like… yeah. he’s so conscious of zuko relying on his right side and accomodating for that and I just love him okay???

ah bato, sneaky sneaky sneaky but also SMART man, what would the water tribe do without you to get zuko responding with more than 4 syllables

lmao blushy zuko hours <3

“forbidden one-bed conversation” oh sreedie, the comedian that you are

okay but it’s so sad that hakoda doesn’t understand teenagers despite having 2 of them and it just goes to show that war takes things from you in every aspect of life not just physically because people have to leave to fight or they die and really, isn’t that the lasting trauma?? you can heal from things that have hurt you but how do you mourn for things that were taken from you before you ever had them

yay sokka pushing him and zuko out of their comfort zone!! I’m so glad he’s making an effort to heal right before you rip their lives to shreds again sreedie, I’m absolutely thrilled truly

drunk sokka you’re really in for it now goddamnit

oh noooo not zuko alone in the dark thinkinggggg that never ends well

zuko the bad liar is once again foiled in his plans to lie

YAY ZUKKA KISSES I’m so happy you’re allowing them some nice moments before you destroy their lives for the nth time!!!

wait shit zuko is 100% overcompensating bc he’s jealous about suki isn’t he and this is going to end in flames (haha literally maybe I’m so funny) and-

y e a h I fucking called it sreedie do I get an award for being so incredibly perceptive bc I think I should honestly

I cannot believe you’re doing this to me sreedie, the first time zuko says more than two sentences AND ITS TO HAVE THE ANGSTIEST FIGHT WITH SOKKA IMAGINABLE YOURE SO CRUEL (but also fucking finally the only way for things to get better is for them to get worse so hit me bitch)

WAITWAITWAIT IF ZUKO LEAVES THEN HES IRONICALLY SAFE FROM LONG FENG AND THEREFORE AZULA WAIT SREEDIE IS THIS YOURE PLAN

zuko: *is making a stupid fucking decision bc he’s terrified and super duper traumatised*

sokka: I’ll beat you the fuck up punk

oh shit sokka abandonment issues

BATO PLS HELP THESE CLUSTERFUCKING MESSED UP TEENAGERS FOR THE LOVE OF GOD HAKODA DO WHAT HE SAYS

is hakoda finally realising that gay people exist

lol not hakoda finding out zuko threatened to kill his mum in order to capture and lose a 13yo

rEally hakoda??? you finally get it through your sense fuxking skull that sokka might be a lil fruity and you IMMEDIATELY decide to be homophobic?? fuck that (ikik it’s not that simple but jesus crispy yk)

w o w. hakoda you’re really nailing this conversation aren’t you. bato baby, you deserve better

fuck YEAJ bato is the real mvp of this fic let’s goooo

so in conclusion, we got some Quality zukka spice, some Intense zukka angst, and a very ominous sense of foreboding permeating throughout the entire chapter! all in all, some excellent work done by the one and only sreedie my ex-wusband (I am aware that the gender neutral word ‘spouse’ exists but it reminds me of the afrikaans word ‘gespuis’ which means like.. kinda the equivalent to the aussie bogan idk how else to describe it, but it’s NOT something I wish to associate with you my lovely divorced sreedie)

love you to bits and pieces :))

This is me just responded super late because we are divorced and I don’t owe you shit.

Jk I’m still in love with you and I’m playing hard to get.

Bato is the MVP of RIA fuck off Morrak.

There were two beds, just to be clear, it’s not my fault Sokka combined them.

Hakoda: I’m not homophobic my best friend is gay.

Zuko over compensating? In this economy? Nope, you get no extra points.

Everyone: waiting for Zuko to get hurt

Zuko: *runs away*

Everyone: damn it

Love ya to death leekie.