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cupoftaae · 2 years

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Forever and a day (KTH x READER) series♡ meet the parents. chapter 4

Summary: your lifelong friend is forced to face his true feelings for you once he breaks the number one rule of becoming friends with benefits: dont fall in love. He knows he loves you, but you on the other hand need more convincing of the most important thing: the right decision.

Genre: fwb. Roommates, friends to idiots to lovers, fluff, angst, smut, the whole 9 yards tbh.

Pairing: taehyung x female!reader

rating: 18+ (minors dni!!!)

word count: around 3.1k I believe

chapter warnings: swearing, mentions of sex, (theres a flashback) trigger warning for this bc kaito is a little manipulative. Mentions of adhd, medications. There’s a lot of hot and cold behavior between Tae and reader, as well as a fight towards the end. Sorry!

A/N another thanks to everyone whos been liking, reading and reblogging this story (along with my other drabbles). I know my page isnt huge or anything but I love writing and seeing all of the support really motivates me, so thank you :) I also got to sit down and really plan out the rest of my chapters with great detail, I think you guys are gonna like the upcoming chapters so stay tuned (lots of drama)

enjoyyy! (also, I plan to create a spotify playlist for this series!)

A week later.

Taehyung turned around from the stove to face his laptop, currently on the page of something he thought he would never see, a college. he scrolled before turning back to flip his pancake, ensuring he didn't burn it. Over the past week, youve been spending most days and nights over at Kaitos, so he's had more room to think about things.

He wants to become more serious with his art desire, and he wants to prove to not only you, but himself, that he can do big things. So here he is, signing up for local art classes at the college a few streets down. He checked the schedule really quick to make sure that nothing would overlap with the class dates, humming to himself when he realized his first class would be this Saturday morning, the same day his parents were coming for dinner. He sat back against the counter and looked down at Yeontan, who was waiting for bits of food to fall.

Dinner. He forgot all about that, good thing you wrote it on the calendar. would you still even be up for going?

He sat in thought, perhaps too much thought. Taehyung's head whipped around at the aroma of burnt pancakes. "shit!"

maybe he should sign up for a cooking class too?

You and Taehyung havent spoken too much since he word vomited his confessions at you last week. The longest conversation you both shared was 2 days ago when your period suddenly came and you asked tae to bring you to the store late at night because you had ran out of tampons.

there was no discussion about anything he had said to you though, as if there was a mutual agreement to drop it and move on.

he scooped his somewhat burned pancake and put it on the plate, cutting off the black part and managing to revive his breakfast, seeming content with his work. "Not too bad, huh?" he smiled and looked down at his dog, who seemed to assume the food was for him.

Once taehyung sat down at the kitchen counter, he went back to reviewing the art classes website when suddenly you walked in.

The boys eyes darted up to the door, watching you put your bag down and look at him.

"hey" he shyly waved, taking a bite of his food.

you smiled, "hi", making your way over to him and sniffing the air. "you burnt them" you couldn't help but laugh a little.

"listen, it wasnt as bad as last time, taste" taehyung held the fork out with a small bit of food on it, allowing you to try it. "hm" you hummed, nodding. "ok its not charred ill give you that"

He smiled and watched as you sit down and pick tannie up. "so did you have fun at kaitos?" he asked, trying to just have small talk with you.

you looked up at him, "uh yeah, I guess" you shrugged, remembering last night. "we watched sports and he explained the entire game to me like I was stupid and didnt play soccer for 7 years" you laughed and moved your head to get close to the puppy in your arms, allowing taehyung to notice the dark purple mark hidden just above your clavicle.

he nearly chokes on his food, drawing your attention to him. "are you okay?" he nods and clears his throat. clearly you two didn't just watch sports. "im good, just swallowed wrong" he took a sip of his water and tapped his foot, avoiding his eyes from you as he thought of something else to say considering this conversation has now outlasted any previous ones of the past 7 days.

"oh you know this Saturday is the um, the dinner with my parents?" you looked at his laptop, feeling your eyes burn onto him. "oh shit I forgot about that" you smiled and looked over at the calendar on the fridge. "I did too" he laughs.

"you dont have to go if you arent up for it" he mumbles, still unable to look at you. "oh im going, I havent seen them in so long, even if we left off on a bad note, Im still close with them and I think its important to go to the dinner" you spoke matter of factly.

He simply nodded and took another bite of food.

"what are you doing?" you nosily ask, trying to drag out the interaction considering the fact you had missed conversing with your best friend.

He watches you lean over to look at his laptop. "oh its just, something Im interested in doing." tae shrugged, embarrassed you saw the website.

"art classes?" you ask, "I didnt know you liked that type of thing?"

"yeah, Ive always kinda wanted to do it but never had the chance. I mine as well try it right?" he smiled shyly.

"I think thats good for you" you nod, patting his back. "getting out more and stuff, you are always working from home. Oh look, the class is at my college so we might run into each other" you joke and walk off to your room.

the feeling of your hand against his back causes him to tense up, still trying to wrap his head around what he saw. It couldn't have been a hickey, maybe it was something else, perhaps you got hurt, right? .

oh who is he kidding. Who gets hurt on the neck like that, it was a hickey no doubt. (a/n: looking at you namjoon)

why was he kinda upset about that? He respected your space and the fact you are dating kaito, and thats what people who are in love do, they kiss each other....and stuff. He shook his head and stood up, deciding to go for a walk outside to clear his head.

While Tae headed out, you stepped into the bathroom to shower. Staring back at your reflection as you removed your shirt, revealing the dark spots peppering you neck and chest, your mind was brought back to the night prior.

Kaito kissed along your jaw, his hand coming under your shirt to brush your bare skin. you two were watching a soccer game but somehow it turned into a make out session he decided to bring upstairs to his room.

he hummed and pressed his lips against yours, your hand in his hair. he began pushing himself so his body was between your legs, hand now reaching for the hem of your shirt. "hm" you mumbled and pushed him off a bit, making him sit back and look at you. "what?" he asked, out of breath.

its not like you havent had sex with kaito.....ok, no thats exactly it. Youve never had sex with him. The most you two have done was letting him finger you under the blanket while watching a movie, then in return, sucking his dick in the backseat of his car.

He was more than ready to move forward with you, but you for some reason weren't.

you sighed and shrugged, removing his hand from your shirt. Kaito looked back at you before sitting to the side and laying on his back. "do you not want to have sex with me or something?" he spoke up.

"no, no, no, I do!" you lied, suddenly feeling guilt.

"then whats your problem?" he sighed, "every time I start something you always shut it down."

"im sorry" you whisper.

"dont be sorry, just dont lead me on." he shook his head.

you sat for a moment, taking a deep breath before getting up and moving to straddle his waist, his eyes widened up at you.

"im just nervous...ive...never done it before" you lied again, trying to convince him otherwise.

"oh" he spoke, hands on your waist as he seemingly took interest in the thought of him being the one to take your virginity.

the last time you had sex was a few months ago with taehyung. you've never done it with anyone else, ever.

"you trust me, right?" he tilted his head

you scanned his face, nodding. "yeah...."

with that he returned his lips against yours

your fingers ran over your chest, tears brimming to your eyes as you began to quietly sob. It wasn't like you had not consented to it. It was a mutual thing, and he's your boyfriend for god sakes, so why did you feel so damn dirty?

you cried as you showered away your thoughts and tried to wash off the feeling of disgust but it just wouldn't go.

and maybe, just maybe, deep down

you knew why.

Once Saturday had approached, you waited for taehyung to get back home from his first art class, deciding that you both could use a quick grocery shopping trip, as well as stop by the clothing store considering tonight was the dinner with his parents and you needed an outfit.

You looked at the clock to see it was almost 12, why isnt he home yet if the class ended at 11:40?

you decided on cooking a small breakfast while you waited, something for Taehyung too because you just know he had not eaten prior before leaving, and would be hungry when he returned.

Content with preparing some bacon and toast with fruit, you placed the dish on the counter before turning and grabbing Taehyung's medication from the top cabinet. Along with eating, you also have to remind him to keep up with his meds, which he has been taking since he was 13 for his ADHD. Sometimes you believe he thinks he doesnt have it, and thats why he forgets to take it.

finally sitting down to eat, you open up your laptop and begin to type away at some homework you needed to catch up on. You had not spoken to kaito in person since Wednesday night, he asked you for coffee this morning but you made some excuse about feeling ill, which had not been a total lie. You were worried that he was going to expect this of you each time you both met up. You've never felt so wrong about something you had no reason to be ashamed of, and the worst part was, you couldn't even talk to him about it. Kaito would make it some big issue about you 'not liking him enough or some shit'. You just knew you needed your own space for a few days, and were grateful you had extra concealer to hide the past weeks evidence painted along your neck, which you hoped to God taehyung had not seen.

you were drawn out of your thoughts as you watched the door open, a cheery tae walking in.

"hi!" he smiled and walked over, eating a piece of fruit off your plate.

"hey" you spoke, looking at him. "so? how was it?"

"it was so fun!! look, I made this" he held up a small canvas with strokes of multicolored paint splashed across in an artistic way. you nodded, not fully understanding art, in the same sense he couldn't understand literature. you didn't get why paint thrown on a white base was pretty or poetic, but you let him have it.

"I like it tae, good job" you offered a smile as he held it out into your hands. "keep it!" he spoke, turning to go greet his dog.

you smiled to yourself and looked over it before turning around as well, "eat breakfast and take your meds please, I was wondering if it was possible that we could go shopping before we meet up with your parents?"

he nodded and walked over to the counter, following your orders. "yeah we can, they arent gonna be ready to pick us up until 7." he spoke, shoving bacon into his mouth.

"perfect".

"Tae we dont need those, we have so many bags of chips at home" you protested, slumping as you pushed the grocery cart isle through isle.

He looked at the bag of cheese puffs and walked fast to catch up to you, "ah ah ah, nope. these ones are spicy. see?" He shoved it close to your face.

"fine." you sighed, trying to find the stuff you guys actually needed, like milk, coffee creamer, and-

"Taehyung??"

what??

you both turned around to see a younger girl walking up behind you, she had short hair and was bundled up in a large jacket, which is something you mentally mocked considering it was almost April.

you've definitely never seen her before, you turn to taehyung, "who the fuc-"

"annie!" he smiled and bows politely, leaving you in shock as you watched the two interact.

"long time no see" the girl giggled, almost obnoxiously

"we just saw eachother a few hours ago" he spoke

"it was a joke, taehyung" she laughed again, peaking over his shoulder to look at me. in that moment I could have sworn I felt her cold eyes burning into my skin.

"Hello, who is this?" she smiled and tapped tae's arm.

"Oh, thats y/n. shes my roommate" tae grinned at you and returned his eyes back at Annie.

roommate? thats all? no best friend since we were in diapers? You think you know a guy.

"Hi, Im annie. Taehyung and I go way back, and by that I mean we just met today." she smirked, tae laughing and adding on "In art class"

"oh" you nodded, feeling awkward all of a sudden. "nice to meet you" you bowed and turned to your grocery list, trying to seem busy as they continued their talking.

"I really liked your art" tae murmured, "it really feels like it goes beyond the surface" you roll your eyes and turn back, watching them.

"oh that means so much, thank you." she blushed.

SHE BLUSHED?

"you know, I have a Instagram account for my art....if you wanna follow?" Annie looked up with hopeful eyes, which tae reacted to by pulling his phone out and receiving the username.

seriously....who is this bitch?

"not to interrupt, but I have to get shopping now, we still need to go to the clothing store." you spoke, only facing tae.

"ok" he smiled and said his goodbyes to the girl, waving like a little kid before he caught back up with you.

"shes nice-"

"yah im sure, can we hurry?" you cut him off, watching his eyebrows scrunch before nodding.

Taehyung fiddled with the nearby clothing racks while he waited for you to get out of the dressing room. He never liked to go shopping, but when he went with you he always found it somewhat amusing, unless it was clothes shopping.

He paced slowly before knocking on the door. "are you almost done" he whispered, eyes looking around at nearby people.

"tae" you breathed out, "for the 3rd time, I will be out in a few, be patient." you spoke, aggravated.

he pouted and finally sat on the bench, tapping his feet while playing a game on his phone.

once you opened the door, you couldn't help but giggle at the sight. Like a kid waiting for his mom, he was funny without even knowing it.

"ok, how does it look?" you asked, grabbing his attention to the light brown sweater paired with a black mini skirt. It wasn't too special but it was nice, and it looked professional.

Tae looked up, eyes tracing over you entirely before gathering his words to speak. "uh....wow, you look really good" he nodded and stood up.

"are you sure? the skirt isnt too short, right?"

somewhere in his mind he wanted to make a joke and tell you it wasn't short enough, but he decided against it.

he shook his head. "you look beautiful."

you looked at him looking at you through the mirror as a wave of chills ran through your body.

he came up and carefully felt the fabric of the sweater, the feeling of his hand on you immediately made you flinch and pull away.

ah yes, the thought of physical touch. Something which disgusted you recently.

He frowned and before he could respond you went back to change into your regular clothes so you could purchase and leave.

Once you two were in the car, Tae had offered to stop and get you something to eat, you declined politely while he got himself a sandwich.

You felt bad considering you probably made him feel like he did something wrong, he didn’t. Taehyung wasnt the problem, you were.

The two of you quietly brought in the groceries, setting them on the counter. You began to put things away as you felt taehyungs eyes watching you. “What?” You exhaled, opening the fridge without even turning to direct your voice to him.

“Are you ok?”

“Why wouldnt I be?”

He blinked a few times while his fingers absent mindendly began to pick at his lower lip.

“Don’t do that” you spoke, watching him tuck his hands behind his back.

“It’s nothing I’m just, always checking in. You are my....friend. And I want you to be ok” he spoke as if he was unsure.

You jokingly scoffed and shook your head. “I’m ok Tae, i promise” you turned to him finally and offered a fake smile, something he saw right through but decided against speaking on it.

You heard him sigh before he walked back to head to his room. “I’m gonna shower”

“Ok” you mumbled and finished unpacking the groceries before taking your clothes and heading to your own room.

The clock read 6:40, that meant you and taehyung had to be dressed and ready to go in 20 minutes.

Taehyung decided to just slip on a button up shirt and dress pants, it’s his parents and he doesn’t feel too keen on trying to impress the people who always tell him he’s making the wrong choices.

He brushed his hair, mentally noting how long it’s gotten since the last time he let you cut it. His bangs lightly framed against his face as he sprayed cologne on, leaving the room to knock at your door. “Almost ready? Mom texted, she will be here a few minutes early?” He walked over to the hall to grab his coat off the rack, returning to hear your answer.

“Im doing my makeup!” You responded, careful with the mascara wand because you didn’t want to get it on anything other than your lashes. You quickly brushed your hair, clipping your bangs to the side while fluffing up the ends. You look over yourself, praising yourself for making the right clothing decision, it matched perfectly with your lipstick. You sprayed perfume on, the aroma filling your bathroom as you slipped a pair of small black heels on, making your way to the living room.

You had left your phone out on the kitchen counter while you got ready, something taehyung noticed when he stepping into the kitchen to fill Yeontans water bowl.

Your screen suddenly lit up with a text from kaito:

Kai: hey, still feeling sick? My sister made soup and if you want I can run by and drop some off. If it’s ok i might leave it at the door, i dont really care to run into taehyung.

Taehyung scrunched his nose, scoffing and moving closer to your phone. He was highly confused by the text, turning around and finishing his task.

��Im readyyy” you sung and hopped into the kitchen. Taehyung almost dropped the water bowl right onto the floor.

There you were, black tights , miniskirt, hair curled, all put together with red lipstick.

He swallowed hard, clearing his throat before speaking. “Well then.....”

“Do I look good?” You asked, looking down at your outfit.

“You look even more beautiful than you did in the store today” he looked at the bowl as he tried to speak nonchalantly, despite the fact his heart was racing.

How’s he supposed to suppress his feelings when you are standing there looking like THAT

“You look very handsome, Tae. You always do” you nodded, hoping he didn’t see the way your cheeks burned with blush.

You didn’t always get complimented, it wasn’t like you tried to fish for it either, but considering you have to pull a single “you look nice” out of your boyfriend when taehyung gives them for free is kind of ridiculous.

“Do I?” He teased

“Mhm” you smiled and brushed your hand through his hair quickly. “I like when you don’t use gel, the fluffy look is cute” you laughed and walked towards the door as taehyung put yeontan in his play gate.

He grinned to himself, knowing he will never use that gel again.

Once you two stepped out into the hall, he walked up to you and itched the back of his head.

“So, not to pry or anything, but your phone was left on the counter and I saw that um...kaito texted. He mentioned something about you being sick?”

Your eyes shot wide open, pulling your phone from your purse to look at the said message.

“If you weren’t feeling good you didn’t have to come” He shyly spoke, watching as you waved your hand at him.

“Tae, i lied” you smile, “I just wasn’t up for hanging out with him today.” You add.

“Oh....how come?”

You shrug, looking at him. “I don’t know.”

He looked down at his feet while you two made way towards the elevator. “Also, sorry that you saw him say that about you. He takes things super seriously” you scoff.

“It’s fine, It’s not my priority for him to like me” he spoke, pressing the button once you two stepped in. “Besides, Im the one who gets to hang with you today, so I win” he joked, allowing you to laugh softly and poke his arm.

It was nice to have some normalcy between you both, the past few weeks have been crazy and there’s been a lot of emotions, but it finally feels like things are getting back to the way they used to be.

“Ok so mom said her and dad would be right over here” he spoke as he looked at his phone, then looked up to the curb once you were outside. Your eyes peered around, there was no car yet.

“I guess we can just wait.” He put his phone away and looked around at the people on the street, something you began to join him in doing.

You both happened to catch someone dancing, making you both giggle. Your eyes then darted to an older couple crossing the street, arms linked sweetly. You nudged taes arm, grabbing his attention and whispering “look, it’s you and Annie in the future”

He immediately scoffed once he saw what you were referring to. “Ok I knew you were gonna make fun of me for that!” He whined and shyly walked away.

You began to laugh and ran up to him. “It’s not like that” he began. “Yet” you added on, watching him stop walking and turn to you.

“Ah i see...you are jealous.” He smirked.

“What?? No!! Im not j-...why would you-...what!” You stutter, watching him begin to say something before a car horn knocks you both out of the conversation.

“Hello!!” You see taehyungs mother waving her hand out the window, his father in the drivers seat as they pulled up to the curb. You bowed immediately once you got close, greeting them.

“Hello Mr and Mrs. Kim, it’s been a while, I missed you” you spoke sweetly,

“Ah y/n! It’s nice to see you again sweetheart” his mother kindly spoke

“Hi mom, dad.” Taehyung mumbled, his previously cocky state taking a more shy one.

“My son” his mom gripped his face and squished his cheeks. “Still chubby, good. You are finally eating more”

“Stop” he whispered, checking out of the corner of his eye to make sure you weren’t watching, glad you had been conversing with his father in that moment.

“Ok let’s go!” She cheered, ushering you both into the back seat before telling her husband what restaurant to go to.

they had initially wanted to come over so you could cook for them, but taehyung suggested a newer French restaurant nearby he swore they needed to try. You laughed at his obvious attempt to impress them.

The two of you squished together in the back seat, moving your body closer to the window as the air suddenly left the car. “You look lovely, y/n” taes father complimented. “Thank you Mr.Kim! You and your wife look very nice as well”

“How’s college, dear?” You turned your attention to his mom, who wasted no time digging into details about your life.

“Uhm it’s okay, lots of classes” you smile, watching her nod. “Still majoring in theatre?”

“Of course”

She clicked her tongue playfully, choosing to not make a comment against your choice of career...or lack of.

You silently praise the fact the drive to the restaurant was quick, allowing you time to climb out and avoid the conversation.

“This place is nice” you whisper to Tae, watching him nod. “We don’t belong here” you chuckled, making him laugh as well.

Taehyungs parents join arms before stepping in, Tae moving beside you to mimic their movement, making you blush lightly.

The waiter quickly checks your reservations and moves you to a relatively quiet room with a table by the window, just how you liked.

Once you had all sat and ordered your dishes, the room for conversations opened up.

“Your Hair is getting too long taehyung, why don’t you trim it” his father mentioned as he sipped his wine.

“Ah I know, i usually let y/n trim, but she’s been busy.” He teased, looking at you.

“Busy? With what? Certainly not a job” his mother mumbles as he takes her jacket off and sets it to the side.

“Mom...” he whispered, embarrassed for the way his Parents feel like they can talk about you as if you are their own child.

“Im just out and about, i have school and I’m with my boyfriend a lot” you spoke up

His moms head turned up as you talked, seeming suddenly interested.

“Boyfriend?” She laughed

“Mhm” you nodded

She turned to her husband and raised her eyebrows, both sharing a confused glance.

“What?” Taehyung asks, following their exchange

“Oh it’s nothing, we just...” she shrugged at her son, turning her attention back to you. “We had dinner with your parents a few days ago and we were discussing you both”

“Okay...” you half smiled, wondering what your own parents had said about you.

“And we just talked about like the pictures you guys post online...and we assumed, well, more like got the impression, that you two were together?” His mom admits.

You and taehyung both look blankly at them, silent staring before turning to eachother.

“It’s not a bad thing, your parents and us always said you would both end up together” his father laughed.

“Right, so Im suprised you are dating someone else” his mom inquired

“Starting the night off strong I see” you whispered to yourself, growing embarrassed at this conversation.

The older woman continued to ask questions. “Is it a serious relationship? Doesn’t he care you are living with another man?”

You took a sip of your water, clearing your throat. “Well...we’ve only been together for a little while, and yeah he does but not too muc-“

“It won’t last” his father cuts in casually, “young relationships like that come and go”

You didn’t know what else to do but nod and shove a piece of bread into your mouth.

His mother sighed and took a sip of her wine, “Ah your mother and father will be disappointed at the news” she laughed lightly.

“It’s not disappointing, you guys can’t just assume things” Tae added, stepping up for you as you drowned yourself in gluten.

“Well it is disappointing. We are getting older and you know, we don’t visit as much. I’m reaching the age where I’m ready to be a grandma” his mom adds, making you choke on your food.

“Are you ok?” His father asks, watching you chug your water more.

“Yup! So good! So ok!”

Taehyung seems embarrassed himself, you felt bad for him too. “Mom, y/n and I are just friends and we always have been, there is nothing like that in our future” he brushed off the pain in his chest as he defended you.

You looked at Tae for a moment before looking down and playing with your napkin.

“Sad” she responded, looking up as the waiter came over, delivering the food to each person.

“Thank you” you spoke, finally happy that your pasta had arrived. Tae laughed to himself, of course you’d get pasta at a French restaurant.

It remained quiet for the first few minutes while you all indulged in your meals.

Taehyung looked up from his plate, trying to find something to say.

“Hows everything for you guys? Everyone at home all good?” He asked softly, taking a sip of his Diet Coke.

His mother nodded, “everything is good, your father and I redid the kitchen, and we even cleared out the attic, turning it into a guest room”

“Oh that’s nice” he smiled.

“So you guys can come visit if you ever wanted to” his father added, making you smile.

“Yes that sounds fun” you replied “it’ll be hard to plan something with mr workaholic over here” you joke, nudging Tae.

“Speaking of that, how is work?” His father asks, taking a bite of his dish.

“It’s going well, I mostly work from home, but I’m doing extra hours next week so..” he nodded.

“Working from home? That must be nice, i dont see why you can’t take some college classes from home at least”

You sigh at the conversation once again taking another rude turn. You love the kims, but it’s impossible to talk to them.

“Actually, he is taking a college course” you smile, Turing to Tae to see a mortified expression.“What?” His mother perks up.

“He just did his first class today, it’s an art class, you know, painting and stuff” you smile sincerely. “Art....” his father snickers. You felt taehyungs leg kick against yours, obviously this wasn’t something he wanted to be said. You instantly regretted trying to make him look good the moment his mother commented.

“Ah taehyung you go through life thinking your doing good things but where will an art class get you huh? I worry about you so much...” she sighed and put her fork down.

“When will you take your life seriously? You are 23! I had a kid at your age and was married” She added on, taehyung now scraping his fork against a piece of meat as he avoided eye contact.

This is almost identical to the last time we had all met up, when Tae dropped the bomb of dropping out of college. You hoped this time would be better, but unfortunately, thanks to you, it is possibly even worse.

“It’s just for fun....” you mumble, turning your eyes to see Tae looking at his shoes, tears at the brim of his eyes while he has yet to speak.

“Thats the problem y/n, his whole life is fun, no work, no discipline. And I can’t say different for you.” His father spoke,

“I mean who goes to college and decides to do something as risky as theatre? Unless you plan on being an award winning actress it’s going to get you nowhere.” He sighed, “you two live in fantasy world”

“It’s time to grow up” his mother added, finishing her food.

You felt a hole in your stomach, it was guilt, pure guilt. You didn’t mean to ignite this, not here and not now, when we were supposed to be having fun.

Taehyung shook his head and laughed, taking your glass of wine and gulping it down in a few sips, his face scrunching up before standing and exiting outside. You watch as he goes, standing to grab the left behind jacket and phone. “You’re just going to leave?” His mother questioned, making you shrug. “This wasn’t how dinner was supposed to go, i apologize” you mumble, “we will meet up again before you guys head home, ok?” You add, chasing after taehyung.

You find him outside of the restaurant, sitting a few steps away on a staircase.

“Tae...”

You walk closer, standing in front of him.

“I thought you quit” you speak quietly, gesturing towards the cigarette in his mouth.

He doesn’t reply, rather simply glares at you before turning his head and exhailing the smoke. “Look Im sorry, I didn’t mean to expose anything, I feel awful” you reach to put your hand on his shoulder, he shudders and scooches away. “You have a way of making me look like a fool, y/n” he smiles, looking at the cars driving by.

You breathe, watching him articulate his thoughts. “You think I’m incapable of reading books you like” he began to list. “You think that my job is dumb, you think the art class is stupid.” He laughed to himself and shook his head. “You think I’m a complete loser and could never possibly understand what it takes to be smart or successful”

“Thats not fucking true taehyung, stop it” you mutter, feeling like you were slapped. “See, you are doing it right now. You feel like you need to tell me how to act, how to feel. You embarrass me and make me the fool” he began to wipe at his cheek, standing up and walking past you as he spoke.

“You and Kaito must have a blast making fun of how dumb I am” he smiled and exhaled more smoke, looking at you. “You are acting immature, it’s not funny” you spoke sternly. “Oh but it is funny, y/n, because I don’t care anymore. I don’t care about trying so hard to impress you, or being smart like you, or impressing my own parents” he stopped in his tracks as you glared at him.

“You focus on your little life, ok? Focus on college, focus on eventually graduating, focus on your friends, kaito, and hiding hickies because that’s what you do best apparently” he scoffed and put out his cigarette, grabbing the jacket from your hands and walking towards the direction of your apartment.

You are left in nothing but shock, once again, as he leaves you in a speechless position. You take back what you said earlier about you both returning to normalcy, because apparently you take one step forward and 20 fucking steps back with each day that passes. You couldn’t help but wipe the tears that fell from your eyes as you began to walk back to the apartment as well, taehyung now out of your vision completely.

Everything recently in your life has gone so down hill, and you can’t blame anyone else but yourself. Word of advice for anyone listening: don’t live with your best friend then decide to add benefits and grow super attached, break said situation while also pursuing a new relationship with someone else.

It will fuck you up.

A/N: whew.....

@turnthepageandbeburnt @taebangtanbabe @kthstrawberryshortcake-main

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hanabeeri · 5 months

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another week has passed uwaaah 早いね.. its a good practice though to sit down and to really think about what happened. at least to me because i have a memory worse than a fruit fly i believe 🥹 the week isnt over and i still have sunday ahead of me, but i dont think anything major or big will happen tomorrow. i may facetime my friends to talk about a book we're reading together though, so theres that 🧸💕

what happened this week? >i turned in my japanese essay (i will rewrite it until next week though... because i couldn't come up with any culture shock i experienced and picked the one i found in an old chat with a friend. but its a topic, way too silly, to use as a basis for our oral presentation in a month) >i started reading a good girls guide to murder with my friends! i read up until chapter 5. i already have some critiques, my friends and i talked about it briefly, and i do see that i may have been to critical. i wasn't aware it was a novel for a younger audience, but i can see it now 🥹 ill keep it in mind for the overall review >on wednesday i left university earlier so i could surprise a friend together with my other friends! she moved to a new place and we prepared a small gift for her and her boyfriend for their new home. we coordinated the visit with her boyfriend so she wouldnt notice anything and it worked! she was so overwhelmed at first, but later on she was really happy 🩷💕🧸 >i met a friend two times that i haven't seen in a long time. we planned on painting together, but i ended up doodling album covers that came up on spotify instead (does that count as an activity? www can you tell that nothing much has happened?) >on thursday i finally caught up on my japanese syntax classes and today i want to do the new grammar for next weeks classes. which reminds me... i still need to ask a friend from uni to explain 'quasiphrasen' to me. i only have like two notes jotted down from last semester but i dont think i really grasped the difference between that and a proper phrase >oh and i finished fight club! good book :)) the first half was okay, you can easily breeze through it without noticing, it picks up in its second half. thats when it got really interesting! >i bought both of my parents flowers and a card!! unfortunately i forgot that fathers day was on thursday, so im giving both my papa and mama flowers today - since its mothers day tomorrow

not exactly a productive week i would say, but its okay <3 im not here to compete or do things fast, im doing things for the sake of doing them and because they make me happy 🧸💕💞🩷 a more detailed and jucier version of my week is written inside my physical diary, but that is something i doubt ill ever share with anyone. maybe a future lover 🥹💞🌸

i think for next week i would like to set a goal. nothing too big, i just want to read up on ableism. to learn its forms and how its executed in daily life. so i can learn and grow and be better to people who deserve more than what they're currently given in life. read the bible some more and find peace. have i ever talked about a few weeks ago when i felt so miserable i had the wish to die again? i prayed to God in that moment and i felt so warm afterwards. like He put His gentle hand over my heart to give me the comfort i sought.

pretty decorations by huramuna and sunfoxpixels

#20240511 #sleeeeepy #huramuna #sunfoxpixels #funnily enough i chose to wear the same dress i wore in the last weekly t update haha #its my favourite!! and i finally get to wear it because its warmer #i also have a white/red dress but its shorter :((#next week will be quite cold and rainy.. i hope i wont fall into a sad mood

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oswinunknown · 1 year

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Hi! This is the anon that dropped in a few months ago to share my appreciation for your Mayor Attorney playlist on Spotify! Ever since I sent that ask I've wondered... what made you put the songs on there that you did? In other words, why is each song on there? Feel free to ignore this if you don't want to answer, but I've just been curious for a while about each song's significance on the playlist. Whatever you decide to do, thanks for your time, and have a lovely rest of your day! -💙

💙anon thank you so much for this ask I love explaining my playlists i would love to explain >:3

for the songs, some songs are ones I've heard on other mayor attorney playlists and added them to mine, others are ones ive had little animatics in my head for, and some are just songs with the vibes that remind me of them jsahdsdf, i could go into depth on all the songs but we'd be here forever so ill just go to the more general explanations. it'l be below the cut just bc i accidentally wrote a lot for this asjkhdbaskjd

for the playlist, i tried dividing the songs into roughly three categories: university days, election years, and post-darkness/mirror.

the first section is university days, where it would be songs about crushes, cozy and upbeat songs that make you feel happy and excited, and old songs that had good vibes to them. it was meant to symbolize the vibes and emotions of when damien n the da would have first met. everything is new and exciting, things feel comfortable and okay, and the love is positive and all-around consuming.

the second is election years, which is more for songs that are the same level of pining as university days but more sadder in a sense. this starts around sweater weather i think (these sections arnt hard areas of the playlist, they slowly transition between them but this section i can certainly say where it starts) . this is for the realization between the two that there is a small chance of them being together in this time, whether its because your/the da isn't female identifying at the time or maybe its public eyes making it hard for two people in positions of power to date, either way this is for the realization that they cant be together. they continue being friends and pining, but theres the helplessness of not being able to date, or at least not publicly.

then we get to post-darkness/mirror. it starts off with songs about remembering the past: when i met you, daisy bell, i hear a symphony, always, the night we met. this is directly after the da gets trapped in the mirror, trying to remember the days before everything happened, when they were with the damien they remember. then begins the mirror part, where both the da and dark/damien think about the other. this section is rather loose because its mainly my own hopes that the two still care for each other, losing all the initial anger they had from the party and replaced with a dull hope. its the angst section if you will. its less stronger in explanation because its all depending on what you hope for them. maybe they want to rescue each other still, maybe they gave up and just reminisce about the past with hurt but still caring lens, maybe all they can do is wait it out, maybe they find each other and see what the others become, maybe they still love each other regardless. its loose because thats how markiplier lore is, and its open for interpretation askjhd

and thats the whole playlist i think! kjhaskdjasjkd

#mayor attorney #ozzy rambles #sorry i love talking abt my playlists aksjdkasjd #thanks again for the ask btw!#asks #anon

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obscuremechala · 2 years

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testing testing 123

i just got here so i wanna test things out, probably won't keep this post in the long run but maybe i'll forget this is up or something idk

this is my profile pic, i drew it myself real quick and i don't feel like elaborating why. the url is a tad different bc i was thinking of sharing it on instagram (i didn't tho) and tumblr doesn't allow underscores apparently

but i digress

i don't have much to talk about but that's 'cause i don't have a prompt or anything this was just meant to be a test

one day i'll ramble about my story stuff bc there's a lot going on there but there's still a lot i need to figure out

hmm maybe ill do an intro or something

but probably not here i don't think it'll fit

ill test things in the meanwhile

italics? oooh yes

bold

[redacted] (huh would that be unredacted or what is this a paradox)

awelkhfas ooh different fonts too

point 1

point 2

there are no points

what am i doing

idk man

i just got here and want to learn and maybe interact

i tend to just lurk on socials but i am capable of interaction

i just usually don't

friends are nice, i wish i could interact with mine more

testing testing one two three

bigger

biggest

moths are cute, i like moths

one of my fantasy races/species are inspired by moths but that's for another time

i don't expect anyone to actually read this

tho i do expect it'll take me some time to get used to things here

ive seen a lot of posts on pinterest while looking for writing advice and character design inspo, tho now my feed is 1/3 transformers, 1/3 pokemon, and 1/3 misc. tumblr posts

i also like robots and transformers

what if moth robot

hmm lemme think

i could def make it work in my universe, i shall ponder

anyway more tests

ooo smol

wonder what this does

color text nice

this song is great i found it a few days ago and have listened to it several times on loop

however i don't have spotify i just have youtube music

sad that they deleted google play music, at least i could listen to music outside of the app and with my screen off without paying money

youtube

i haven't actually played undertale, i watched a neutral run playthrough and have played deltarune, if i get the game id probably do a pacifist run

undertale music is good tho

there is no 2

what did that do

i don't really get it

maybe it'll do something when i publish this

ooo i should post some art

i don't have a lot tho

maybe i should redraw my old art bc i looked at some last night and yikes

apparently i only recently discovered decent anatomy/proportions and that was via mostly guesture poses

i have recently been shown the way of shapes and im watching a lot of character design and redesign stuff along with my hermitcraft

i never really got into miraculous ladybug but for some reason watching people tear into it and redesign the characters tends to pull me in like a moth to a light

it's funny bc i have no investment in what people are complaining about but im interested in how they make things better/different

also taking notes on what not to do so

i wish i could draw my characters, a good chunk are robots and hard to design, 90% of the rest of them are homemade fantasy races/species i have to actually conceptualize, and then the humans are kinda just there

bc i do have humans there just arent a ton bc i must make everything hard for myself

dw its fun for me it just takes a long time to actually hammer out

i wanna talk more about them but im thinking of better ways to actually organize my thoughts that just vomiting words on a page that no one will see anyway

it's gonna take some tome to figure out this place

maybe ill make separate blogs for original and fandom stuff idk ill explore the features more and get back to

#Spotify #Youtube

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hillbillyhippiemusicreview · 3 months

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THE POWER OF MUSIC: “DON’T TELL ALLEY”

Every now and again, the Hillbilly Hippie Music Review will seek out fans and friends alike to “sit in” as guest writers for the review to share about songs that touch them or changed their lives. On this inaugural edition, we have Austin L. pen a piece about the impact a song by a new-to-us artist named Joe Jordan had on his soul. This is what the power of music is all about, folks!

Written by Austin L:

June 13th, 2024: What would have been a typical Thursday afternoon driving home from work. Except this wasn’t a typical drive home. Spotify was playing a song that I had on repeat for two days— “Don’t Tell Alley” written by independent singer/songwriter Joe Jordan. As the first notes of the song play and Joe starts to sing, I start analyzing the lyrics that I had previously heard but did not fully comprehend. At this point the lyrics were almost memorized. The first verse begins with Joe asking God for a favor. He tells God that he knows he owes him nothing but “I thought that maybe just this time.” That’s when the tears begin to flow down my face. With eyes soaking behind my dark sunglasses, Joes beautiful, melodic voice screams a line in the chorus that hits me so hard: “The babies miss their mama // I don’t know how to be a father // Without her gentle heart, mine’s turned to stone.” My heart started pounding. My chest suddenly feeling a sunken, empty and hollow feeling. This song in that moment hit me so damn hard I couldn’t control the emotions flowing over me. As the song continues Joe begs God to tell Alley that he’s recovering from his loss. When I got home, I walked in the door crying almost harder than I ever have before. I held our sweet babies and then turned to my partner and hugged her so damn tight and said “I love you and our family so damn much that I don’t know what I would do without you.” She is chronically ill and had been really sick that week, so I had been trying hard not to show my fear about her condition. The song must have just broken all of that loose.

At first, I assumed this song was about Joe’s experience of losing his partner and the mother of his children. As it turns out, he wrote the song for the exact reason that on that car ride, my heart felt destroyed. Few times before has a song hit me as hard and deep as “Don’t Tell Alley.” The feeling of emotional despair and torment this song made me feel rivaled the feeling I get from listening to “68,” an emotional and meaningful song written by my good friend Nolan Taylor. Every inch of my body that could feel love, sorrow, pain and sadness turned to fire! The feeling of loss, despair and emptiness instantaneously overwhelmed me.

Every word in “Don’t Tell Alley” is meticulously and beautifully written. Joe puts so much love and emotion into the lyrics that it’s impossible not to listen over and over. “Don’t Tell Alley” speaks of a man, a father, terrified of losing the woman he loves most and the mother of his children. It speaks of the inexplicable heartbreak one would feel if this horrific scenario would ever manifest. It speaks of the unselfish love of a man keeping his pain hidden from his late lover while asking God to hide the painful truth from her and allowing her to live happily ever after in Heaven. It speaks about the utter emptiness he would feel if she ever left. This leads listeners to feel all of the heartbreak, emotion and true love that Joe emulates perfectly in this wonderful, heart wrenching tune.

Thank you Joe. Thank you for giving the world this beautiful song about real, true, deep and unbreakable love. You touched my heart and I’m sure you’ll touch many more with this song and every other masterpiece you will gracefully share with the world. You have made a fan out of me and I cannot wait until I can experience a live performance.

—————————————

Listen to this hauntingly beautiful, yet gut-wrenching track below. The HHMR is definitely a new fan:

youtube

#Spotify #Youtube

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fail-boy · 4 months

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it would be very fun to do that, your lap would be rlly nice to be in and id be very normal about it >///> my favorite stims are bouncing and rocking and flapping my hands (and making noises....also biting!!!! i will absolutely bite you any chance i get) !!!!! so i hope that wont be bothersome :3

i had pizza today for dinner !!!! my parents got it n it tasted extra nice bc you had answered around the time it came :D i havent watched dan and phil in a loooong time and im so bad with keeping up with them now, but i really wanna watch them again ;0; idk where to start !!!!!

i absolutely adore philosophy tube !!!!! i also love contrapoints and a billion other video essayists (like quinton reviews !!!) that would take sooo long to list, but i have a playlist of my favorites somewhere !!! it'd be neat to send a link and compare what we've seen :D

id love to see your ajj playlist !!!!!! unfortunately my spotify stopped working with my apk so i have to use my partners premium account, n finding all my music has been hard with my bad memory lol, so it'd be super cool to have that :33 n omg im glad you used to like musicals, im really into a few musicals n i sing them all the time (fun fact, im a soprano II/mezzo-soprano apparently !!) so it's good to know i wouldn't annoy you haha. if you wanna !!!!!!! i could make you a playlist of songs i like !!!!!!! i dunno if you'd be into them but it's fun to share :3!

also...a little random but im rewatching my favorite movie moulin rouge n im wondering if you've seen it ??? i have it memorized :D!

(n i don't mind a tag :333333 ive only had an anon tag once years ago with a rlly close n old friend so it's fun to have that again !!!!!)

- 🫀🦷

aww sugar ur so cute <3 u r welcome to my lap anytime it's open 24/7 for u <3 those r some awesome stims! my favourites are rocking too, flapping my hands, whistling, and tapping <3 biting is perfectly fine with me i love being covered in marks so pls do bite away cutie <3

nice! im so glad it was good! omg ur really so so sweet and cute i wanna kiss your sweet face so bad and buy you pizza whenever you want <3 so for dan and phil id recommend starting with gamingmas 2023! for december 2023 they did a video everyday leading up to xmas and theres some good videos in there! its in a playlist !!!!

yippee!!! u have good taste baby, id absolutely love to see a playlist of your favourites <3

fuck yeah! ill put the link here <3 omg i know that feeling i had an ipod nano when i was about 15 that i lost at a music festival and to this day im still hunting down the songs i had on there (>_<) :3 well sugar i can't ever imagine you annoying me, but you definitely won't with musicals i promise <3 i love learning about what you're into! would never make fun of u for stuff u enjoy <3 pls do!!!! id love to see that playlist :D

omg yes i have seen moulin rouge!!!! my best friend loves it a lot so ive watched it a few times and it rules. i also rly love ewan mcgregor as an actor and i think he's great in it! that's so cool that you have it memorized! i think one of the few movies i have memorized is Saw 2004 and maybe also Hereditary 2018

yippee!!! cutie <3

#asks #🫀🦷 anon

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timetravelstudies · 6 months

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whats a good starting point for a guy who wants to get into led zeppelin!!

HEHEHEHEEHEHE… hello anon, come in come in….. sit on this nice cozy chair dont mind the leather straps on the armrests heheeh……..

ok in all seriousness. And ill try to keep this as short as i can. theeee lz experience is hearing them play live, rather than the studio recordings. This may sound weird to hear from a guy born 20 years after lz stopped doing shows lol but theres a LOT of material out there that u can watch/listen to if u wanna get (what i assume is a fraction of) the experience. Probably the easiest thing to find and in best quality (though in my exp the quality of online streams is still atrocious, maybe theres some hq torrents though?) is “the song remains the same”, a concert film of three dates they played at MSG in 1973. but theres also videos floating around of their concerts at Royal Albert Hall 1970 and Earls court 1975 (you can check yt for these) plus a few odds and ends here and there (im a big fan of this tv appearance in france 1969, though this was super early on so their performance “style” isnt yet well defined, esp wrt plant, but the actual playing is still peak imo)

as far of audio-only live recordings go, theres of course the album version of TSRTS, the BBC sessions album (of various radio appearances they did through the years), and the album called “how the west was won” with live versions of many of their more popular songs taken from a couple dates in california in i believe 1972. These are all on spotify or yt or wherever else u listento music. Theyre also really well mastered (and remastered, and re remastered…) bc Jimmy Page is anal like that. So even if theyre live theyre great quality and u can hear every instrument distinctly.

ALSO theres like a million lz bootlegs out there, which is like its own niche subfandom(?). A bootleg is an illegal recording that fans made back in the 70s and then spread around and/or sold for money. the digital versions of many of these are available on yt and archive.org but theres also a huge marked of selling them, the og 70s vinyls are especially prized. idk much about lz bootlegs bc i never could listen to a single one all the way through as all the noise bothers my brain lol so if anyone reading this does and has tips please share<3

I spoke about live stuff bc in my opinion, and also according to members of lz, fans, various music critic type people, basically everyone agrees lol lz studio songs were just kind of the first iteration of what would then mutate and stretch into a more loose, longer, live experience. Imo lz, studio or live, is some of the best music ever made point blank period, but its definitely not for everyone, in that you have to be able to get in that classic rock/prog rock* type of mood of songs lasting anywhere from 6 minutes studio to 35 minutes live, and taking you on this weird journey with ebbs and flows, rather than having a tight structure that is easier to follow and listen to like all pop music ever. i mean this in an entirely value neutral way: a pop song, whether from 1965 or 2015, is easy to listen to bc IT carries YOU through the listening experience, whether you want to or not, whereas for instance a 20 min version of dazed and confused live requires you to willingly be there. Its not work or effort, exactly (at least not to me) but it definitely requires a different type of attention.

and btw maybe you knew all this already lol but i said it incase you or anyone else who ends up reading this doesn’t know a lot about rock

ANYWAY, of course theres also the actual studio albums. i dont think theres any specific way you should listen To them, like my friend has been going thru them chronologically but back in the day when i was just getting into lz i just jumped from one song or album to another as the mood struck me (which is how hoth ended up being the first lz album i ever heard… i think itd finished torrenting first and i liked the cover and took it on my ipod on holiday with me, and now its my favorite album of all time & engraved on my very soul lol). If you want MY recs of the stuff i like best, i have this recruitment playlist where i put a mix of my fave lz songs and the ones i think are must-listen for any new fan.

Ok so i ended up writing a bunch anyway LMAO. ty for the ask lmk if u have any specific questions ❤️

#asks #lz #*i could get drawn and quartered if the wrong person sees me associate lz to prog rock lol listen im not calling them prog but theyre def a #little proggy in some ways. mainly the thing i was talking about of long drawn out meandering performances. also they do some other #prog-ish stuff in some specific select places think like the weird times in some songs (kashmir #black dog prob others i cant think of rn) but i DEF dk enough about prog rock OR music theory to state that definitively.

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musicarenagh · 7 months

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Guitari Debuts With A Captivating Single Elon Musk Hey guys get ready to embark on a music journey with GUITARI, the creative genius behind "Elon's Musk." This collaborative masterpiece is not just another track; it's a symphonic odyssey that blends GUITARI's intricate guitars with iLL Gates' mesmerizing drums. "Elon's Musk" isn't your typical song; it's a vibrant fusion of progressive and classic rock, reminiscent of Tipper's intricate style. With over 40 sound layers, including live guitar and cellos, this track creates a multi-dimensional soundscape that takes listeners on a unique auditory adventure. We're diving deep into the heart of "Elon's Musk" with Guitari himself. From the inspiration behind the track's creation to its evolution as a spatial audio experience, Ari shares insights into his artistic process and musical influences. Join us as we uncover the stories behind the music, from his childhood memories of music to his vision for the future of the industry. It's a conversation filled with passion, creativity, and a whole lot of soul. So, tune in and get ready to be inspired by the magic of "Elon's Musk" and the artistry of Guitari. It's time to let the music take you on a journey like never before! Watch Elon's Musk below https://youtu.be/SCkGu0LExhI Follow Guitari on Facebook Twitter Spotify Bandcamp Youtube Instagram What is your stage name? Do you ever think about names, and who silly they are in a way. Aren't we all connected somehow? Part of me wants to just take every name that ever was and just be one big unit, sharing art and energy. I am the oracle lol. Yes, I have gigged under a few names, for the EDM thing, I often go by Guitari, and for most other music, it's Ari Joshua. Is there a story behind your stage name? Guitari was like a novelty at first, it was a nickname. My friend Carlos made a logo for me with the Atari logo and furnished a guitar neck in the middle. It was amazing! Those were those years where you really got into a lot of fun stuff. I kept with it. I want to make a product line, I actually made my own custom guitar picks which I have been using for like 20 years that have the logo there. You can buy some at my store at www.arijoshua.com. I think slippers are the most popular item, bu there is a whole bunch of cool items to buy. Ari Joshua is my first and middle name. There isn't a story there that I really want to go into. I think I just wanted to have a cool name that looked good on a poster. I love rock posters and poster art. Maybe some day I’ll add a few more names. Where do you find inspiration? I get my inspiration from the nights I spent under the stars away from the city lights, pondering how it all fits together. I get my inspiration from the pain I have from childhood pain that in some ways will never be resolved but some how that is ok. I get my rock n roll fuck it feelings by tapping into that time period which really wasn’t my fault—divorce. I get my inspiration from seeing how much humans seem to miss the mark in society, how both we can see ii, and in so many ways we all just turn the cheek. I get my inspiration from those that stand up and speek the truth. I get it from being heard and seen and from thinking about my dream of sharing my feelings and connecting with others. To explain it all in an interview, even with a library's worth of words I can’t begin to finish my inspirations list. I get inspiration from sharing my ideas in interviews, and I get my inspiration from reading interviews with people that I respect, admire, love, and from finding layers of truth in their words, and wisdom in their actions. I also get it form kids, and from all the artist I grew up impacted by. What was the role of music in the early years of your life? I love this question. I grew up singing a lot. We had weekly get-togethers with families before the days of the internet, before cell phones, and we sang songs every week. That was from age 2 to age 10, and I have memories of banging on tables and singing. By 12,

I was obsessed with the blues, jazz, and rock n roll. I was exposed to some really amazing records, and I had a library up the street that let me check out albums. Also, I would go down to Cellophane Square and Tower Records and other stores to listen to new music that was coming out, and you know, I had an allowance for doing chores at my mom's house. Not a lot, but enough. A funny memory is there was a Sunday school that my family wanted me to attend, and I didn’t find anything there for me to learn about, I was a well informed pre-teen year old. I wanted to learn about music. I was 12 years old, maybe 13, and they decided to hire me to teach a class on music. I made $15 per class, and the deal was I could buy a new record each week with that money. Music was always very special to me. Maybe not in a traditional way, like I played from a young age; it was more like an outlet and something I thought was beautiful and inspiring.It kind of blows my mind that I moreless have been the same person since I was about 11. [caption id="attachment_54307" align="alignnone" width="2000"] I was obsessed with the blues, jazz, and rock n roll[/caption] Why did you choose this as the title of this project? I have been working on this batch of EDM music forever. I found some seeds from this track 'Elon’s Musk' going back to 2010. There really are at least a few albums' worth of seeds, but I would need to probably find a way to finance the completion. I spent probably 100, maybe as much as 500 hours on this one, I just can’t quantify it. I was going through a phase of trying to find my voice with Ableton Live, and I wanted that progressive sound I heard from artists like Sixis, Tipper, The Glitch Mob, and Bassnectar. I was going to Burning Man and really having some divine inspirational moments. I heard in my head a sound where I could mix the guitar and compositional ideas in there, and I knew the cats making that music often didn’t have that sensibility, so I was all in for a few years, honing a craft. I would print and reprint using guitar pedals, fx, and plugins to emulate those sounds. There wasn't a lot in the way of tutorials back then. I was never a tutorial person anyway, unless to solve an issue I was stuck on. It was sitting in an almost finished state forever, and I have been doing this vault thing where I am sharing new music from the vault. In 2021, I reached out to iLL Gates, who works with my bestie KJ Sawka from ASD. Don’t worry, I am bringing this home here; iLL Gates runs a mentor, coaching program for EDM producers called the producer dojo. I immediately felt a connection to him because I have a music school as well - The Music Factory, and frankly, iLL Gates is a genius and he is full of potential and wisdom! I asked him if he could help with the process of finishing some of my EDM tracks, and he was super sweet about it. He offered to bring me into the dojo and have the dojo remix the tracks, something I still want to do! Anyhow, iLL Gates ended up graciously mixing the song and putting his drums on there to glue it all together, and what he did was subtle and perfect. It totally made the whole thing slap harder. The song was always about space and time travel. It was always about spaceships and spacetime, but with iLL Gates in there, it had to go with the name Elon’s Musk. It was on a few drafts, and it just is perfect. Also Elon is my South African connection club, I was there the same time he was, he was a bit older, but when I was a toddler he was probably a teen. Being born in Africa is a vibe. I wish I could articulate that but the title is great. Love it. What are your plans for the coming months? I have been trying to book some shows and build some systems to get the right folks to hear the music. Also, we are queuing up more releases, spending more time in the studio, getting summer camps and other school-related things in order, as well as considering a second location for the school. I try to let the muse take me between my art with the label and The Music Factory on the education side.

Also I plan to play Cuphead, my new favorite video game and spend time with my family out in the woods. Do you have any artistic collaboration plans? Always. Working on some affiliations for new works and also this fabulous crew of people are all over the soon-to-be-released stuff I am working on in the studio all the time. Joe Doria, Barrett Martin, The Benevento Russo Duo, Reggie Watts, Robert Glasper, ill Gates, Skerik, Russ Lawton, Ray Paczkowski, Delvon Lamarr, Marco Benevento, John Medeski, Billy Martin, Joe Russo, Jason Fraticelli, KJ Sawka, Andy Hess, Eden Ladin, John Kimock, and more. These cats are all over my hard drives, and I can promise that it’s coming, more music is coming I promise you. if I am breathing, I’m working on it. Are you from a musical or artistic family? My grandfather and his lineage of the family were all singers. More than singers, they were cantors, like they would lead services on holy days in the temple. It’s kind of a whole history that I need to save for another interview, but I feel that presence in my music, in my spirit, in my soul. My maternal grandfather dreamed of being a jazz pianist, but his family and he were all fishermen. He would come visit from Cape Town and record the radio to take home with him because they didn’t have any programming like that. When he passed away, he left a suitcase of cassette tapes for me, a little bit different there, but we shared that passion in a way. My mom and dad were not musical, but I looked at them and even at a young age, I thought about what it would be like for them if they did more music. My sister and I loved our music collections, though, and I had lots of friends that did as well. I never met my paternal grandfather but I met his little brother in France. He was a painter and I learned a good deal about the family from him. Who inspired you to be a part of the music industry? Chronologically Hendrix, old blues guitarists, all Seattle rock like Pearl Jam, Soundgarden, Alice in Chains, Nirvana, then jazz, then Grateful Dead, then Phish. That takes me up to about age 14 or 15. That was enough, really. There was so much other music in between, but that was the roots. Also my high school jazz teacher Scott Brown, and all the kids I made music with and all the teachers I had from ages 12 -22. How did you learn to sing/write/to play? I learned to make music directly from the records. I used to play along with the radio and play a game to see if I could get it by the end, or figure out if I could add a part to it. I would love when a song would come on 2x in a day or a week cause I would have a head start on it. When the music got more complex, I would dive deeper into the nature of what made it speak to me. Songs on rock records and blues came faster as I learned to pick apart Miles Davis, Coltrane, and Thelonious Monk. I always wrote my own music. In fact, if I had more projects, I would write more. I enjoy writing a lot; that was always baked in. Basically it was 99% trial and error with lots of grey area for what was an error, and what was rock in roll, or a happy mistake. The play pause stop buttons where pretty worn out on my stereos. I had a music problem I guess you could say. What was the first concert you ever went to, and who did you see perform? It’s a bit foggy what was when. I mean, I saw a lot of music before I went to concerts on my own. I saw Sesame Street on Ice in MSG as a kid. I can still remember it, actually. We took a bus from Hershey, PA, and it was an adventure. I met Big Bird! But yeah, outside of that, Pearl Jam’s Drop in the Park was a big one. Around that time, there were a lot of little shows. The Dead Milkmen at the OK Hotel was a great time, and Nirvana was great to see; we saw them a few times as kids. I did see a lot of music though! My dad took me to a Stevie Ray Vaughn show among other stuff. How would you describe your music? My music is coming from my heart and soul. It's expressing how I feel in the

moment, and it's a frequency that comes from somewhere else and from inside me at the same time. The music is a mixture of all the music I have ever heard and that has impacted me. It's part of the story of who I am and what I have lived through. It's a freeze frame of what it feels like to be alive in the moment that gets captured in real-time by those in the room and on recordings for future enjoyment. I think describing the art is for other folks to do. I really feel like it is just what it is because I don’t even want to start to put it in a box. If I am playing with someone that plays in a certain style, I want to have my music fit with theirs, but I want to do it in my way. Describe your creative process. It really depends on what day it is, what week it is, what time of day it is, and who I am working with. If I am working with someone I really admire, I want to bring out the best in what they have, and I try to focus on that sometimes. As an overview, if I have a purpose to compose for, any purpose, I sit down and start to write. About 1 in 100 ideas will ever get out to the world. This part of the process is relatively natural but requires presence and focus and purpose. Once the ideas are there, depending on the timeline, I either record them as an idea for later, or I develop them. Then I go to play with a band or in the studio and flesh out the form and the feels. Once that is done, we either record a basic version, and it evolves in the studio, or I hold on to it, and like I said, about 1 in 100 or maybe less than that even gets out of my personal sphere. What is your main inspiration? Nature. What musician do you admire most and why? Currently, Stone Gossard. He has taken the time and energy to share advice about my music school and the industry, and I had a year to watch how he manages things, and I was truly impressed by his essence and integrity. He has something I was able to learn from and that I would love to learn more about, that ability to keep things moving and keep growing, both as a family person and as a business person, and as a creative person. As well as John Medeski and Billy Martin, two folks I got to work with last year who have such a prolific body of work that is just so brilliant to me. The way they really just put their art first and approach the moments. Really, between those three, that’s what’s up for me right now. I am also just feeling blessed to have had that chance to work with all of them. I want to do more music with more people and get more people listening and playing music, and inspire kids to learn, and musicians to teach. Did your style evolve since the beginning of your career? My style evolved and is evolving all the time. The only thing I would say is the general public is seeing the evolution in the past tense. For example, a lot of the evolution was already complete by the time I was 25; it's just been trying to navigate the systems. Something like Elon’s Musk, this track with iLL Gates and Cory Cavazos that just came out, I imagine would sound totally different than almost any of the music I have shared. There are a few reasons for that, to be honest: depression, and drug use, relationships, so many things, family stuff. I mean, I had an ex-girlfriend take her life. There have also been some amazing times and revelations and moments of spiritual clarity, times where I was really working hard at the art. I think there are a lot of dimensions to all this. I think it would be more clear if I were able to see that from a third-person perspective. I am not sure I can. My wiring is really made to be in the moment. https://open.spotify.com/artist/3C9Z1YhnRr08CKRSZ7nEuV?si=jDOqMdlpSIGoPagh66qdNA Who do you see as your main competitor? I don’t see competition. Not like that. I think we are all different, and the competition is really more an internal thing. We are our own worst enemies and our own best friends and allies in a way. I can speak to the business of education,

my school, The Music Factory, that has seen competition sneak up in our vicinity in various forms that I really don’t need to mention, but it has taught me that there is more to life than comparing and more to life than being worried about competition. It’s not a good use of mind power, I would say, or rather it has not proved valuable to me to focus on. I also see Gannon from Zelda as my main competitor, Zelda is my spirit warrior. What are your interests outside of music? Outside of music, I am focused on education, family, relationships, business, becoming better, learning to focus thoughts, ideas, intentions, and learning how to use time more efficiently. I like to walk every day, and I like to solve problems, and to rest. I also like space I love space. Space is music, music is harmony and rhythm and harmonics and vibration. If it wasn't for a music career, what would you be doing? I would hope I would be a doctor or a spiritual leader. That was always the aim before I started to play. Music seemed to be in the middle. In a way, I had a hard childhood. I had a really hard time, and if I had a better time, I would be out there doing computers, medicine, or building a community somehow. The music just kept me together and gave me a purpose and a mission, so in this lifetime, that’s it. That's the only career. What is the biggest problem you have encountered in the journey of music? The biggest obstacle I have encountered is wanting to make a really special connection with other players, wanting to have a band, and having it not work out. I would say the obstacle was communication. I think I tried in most cases to be the best I could, to really be there, to be there to have the conversations, to work out any issues, and put the music first. I really value those relationships. I think this time is a time where folks have so many options, maybe too many options, and you learn that it makes things really hard to keep going at a collaborative level. I know I am signed up for it, but I also get it. I am also pulled in many directions. So the problem is both the solution and the obstacle - potentiality. On the one hand, I see so clearly the vision of what can happen if we all work together, and on the other hand, maybe I have tried too hard to hold on to some of those ideas, but yet on another hand, some of those notions have led to all the great amazing things that have happened as well over the last 15 years. If you could change one thing in the music industry, what would it be? Dang, there are 1000 things I would change. I wish I was president; I would run on an artists-first platform. A society that takes care of its visionaries and artists is a society that the rich and the poor and the middle class all appreciate much more. I would change the streaming paradigm, take big tech money and the bank loan money, and be real about how much they are undervaluing the arts. Give artists 0% loans for the arts, and make an art tax so all artists can get medical, dental, holistic care, and make art and be able not to need a day job. I would also want to get help resonating with new audiences. The industry doesn’t make that easy unless there is some financing involved. I often see that touring acts have at least one member getting love from their families to make it work. It should be based on the core value the art and artists bring to the world as the driving force. Also I would change mp3’s I get it is convenient but the quality is not as good as flac, or tape. What message would you like to give to your fans? It’s a wild world we are in here, but it may be better than we think. I think if there is a way for you to access the better moments in life, honor that way, amplify it, share it.

#Interviews #ElonsMusk #ElonsMuskbyGuitari #ElonsMuskfromGuitari #ElonsMuskGuitari #Guitari #GuitaridropsElonsMusk #GuitariElonsMusk #GuitarioutwithElonsMusk #GuitarireleasesElonsMusk #GuitariwithElonsMusk

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graveyard-darlingg · 8 months

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we should have a stalker-off where we see who can stalk someone better bwahaahah evil hand rub twirls my non-existent muschahche (we ignore i cannot spell that word)

ohhh yes being anemic doesn't seem fun at all. but now im curious, perhaps ill look up some things about anemia and flying! i love doing research, honestly. i have a whole thing of articles saved

no unfortunately that is not it, but i do have that on my discord!! and i am also actually much more active there. more than tumblr, actually, by a long shot. chronically online. aaaand chronically listening to spotify. which reminds me! have you listened to violent vira before? you give off those vibes (if it turns out your pfp is of her ill- *explodes*) it might be the black and blue and obsessiveness but... im not sure. anyhow

ummm im doing well! it is currently 4:30 in the morning for me, so that's fun. ive been waiting for someone for four hours ): but that's alright, even if they did fall asleep i dont mind, ill talk to them tomorrow. or... today?

thank you! i think it fits me too. performance and theatre and colorful puppets. truly, i love puppets. i wish i were one. like an actual puppet, one on strings specifically. i think itd be very calming. i can barely make decisions for myself anyways, you know?

ummmm i might talk about me too much, grrrr... what about you? anything you wanna share? like how your days going or anything else even. it's okay if not though!

-🎭

if you would like to, we can! i’m not sure i’ll do very well though! your nonexistent mustache is very evil, my dear. you sound like a true mastermind :00

ah damn, i really thought i had the right meme!! im curious as to what it is now though. maybe i can try to find it if you describe it to me?

also!! i do listen to violent vira — only one song though; god complex !! also, my pfp was just something i found on pinterest actually. i have no idea what it’s from or who it is! you think i give off violent vira vibes? did i interpret that correctly? if so, what songs would you recommend?

i believe we have the same time zone actually :00 it’s 4:53am right now for me !! you said you’ve been waiting for someone for four hours now? i’m sorry that they haven’t shown up, dear. do you think they’re still coming? i hope so. it would be incredibly rude to leave my beloved anon waiting >:((

i think puppetry is wonderful. it’s such a beautiful skill to have. do you have any experience with puppetry? do you watch puppet plays or anything like that? also, i totally relate to the decision making thing you’ve mentioned! decisions are so hard and there’s always the fear and doubt that come with it.

also, i don’t think you’re talking about yourself too much! i enjoy it actually. i’d love to know more about you!

as for myself, my day has been really good. yesterday was the last day with my friend and we stayed up all night to spend more time together! im very sad to be leaving her, but unfortunately i do have to go home. im not sure what to share. what would you like to hear about/know, dear?

#⟢ 𝐡𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐬 𝐢𝐧𝐛𝐨𝐱 #⟢ 🎭 𝐧𝐨𝐧𝐧𝐢𝐞 #you’re very interesting my dear

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rennyji · 8 months

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60-90 old randomness

"In my situation, libel admits the notion of a hack/relay, is one of the charges. Let's say someone's mind was hacked. -",

"-Relaying everything rolling through the mind and interpreting everything as a thought, all on premise that people and only Americans are responsive to every, or what constitutes every thought for their biology. Ex. Feel hungry, Let me eat. Aroused, let me ask the girl out.-",

"-It becomes libel if a hacker relays what I wouldn‚t write, what wouldn‚t just go through one metaphorical ear and out the other.",

"Regarding kids and social TEXT, After writing everything in this tweet to myself, I‚m feeling stimulated from my content, an involuntary self adulation, maybe from a dopamine release‚-",

"-kids on their phones all day, from the white light of their phones, must be mentally jumping from one thing to another. It‚like impulsivity or succumbing to basic impulses is becoming a problem.-",

"-From the Wolf of Wall Street movie with Leonardo DiCaprio, he relies on cocaine when he needs to use his brain for his business. Then he relies on marijuana or alcohol or shots of alcohol to calm him before a meeting or to sleep. -",

"-Maybe we‚re not advancing quick enough mentally and physically with the standards of modern day life.-",

"-Why does a barber need a pack of cigarettes and two lattes to cut hair. If only DiCaprio‚character or people in general, could just will the desire to work and carry out the work. -",

"-If only people could will the desire to sleep instead of these ridiculously advocated sleep routines like no computer or no lights prior to sleep.-",

"-On a somewhat related note, this chemical reward for watching true crime series, sending pics of ur nudity to girl friends/boy friends, stealing someone‚sex tape like in the Pam and Tommy series on Hulu- true crime enthusiast? Settle 4 the news. news should be titillating.-",

"-Trump has to stop making the news. Hunter Biden, heard it. What about a follow up on the Great Wall Trump promised. You turn on the news, and you hear about rigged systems and such. People have a need, a desire, they need places to satiate those needs and desires.-",

"-I think people need to step back, and understand what are food tendencies, what is society getting their dopamine fix, are some selling drugs because they don‚t get lunches from school anymore?-",

"-It‚kind of like file sharing era. People want ready access to TEXT. Streaming services provided a way for everyone to be happy. Spotify, HBO max, Hulu, Netflix, Apple TV‚-",

"-Understand what people need/want. Then provide outlets. Regarding tendency 2 leek sex tapes, become a serial killer, share nude pics, leak sex tapes‚what void is really being fulfilled? These actions aren‚t the illness, but symptoms of some void these people R trying 2 fill.",

"-I heard that an ex girl friend of the alleged Gilgo beach killer said he was bored with his life. His brain was getting a thrill or a dopamine fix to the otherwise dull nature or lack of activity in his life.-",

"-Rather than sedating the serial killer, for future purposes, give them an outlet.-",

"-Mind reading is happening. Mind control is happening. Give these bored people something promising like the Apple be headset where they can live out their fantasies.Is virtual or augmented reality harder than wireless mind control?-",

"-These people need to acknowledge their tendencies and find an equally rewarding outlet.-",

"-In NBC series Heroes, the villain Siler had 2 ways to reach the end goal of having other peoples super powers. He could attain it through murder or empathetic connections with an individual. In the series, he chooses to be a murderer, dissecting brains, but he made the choice.-",

"-People have all sorts of tendencies. Not all are good. You could bandage an entire hole or problem by sedating them or their impulses. -",

"- buts its the good and bad that makes us human. So, Or you can consciously acknowledge your tendencies, and make a mature choice toward a morally or ethically or legal route to satiating your tendency. Don‚t be a Siler. -",

"-Use your head, rather than letting the aggressive part of your mind run the show on autopilot. Whether it‚with driving or anything, psychiatrists say it‚ok to autopilot things. -",

"-In drivers ed, I heard lane change signaling should be a force of habit.I advise mindfulness. You shouldn‚t autopilot. I disagree with that American medical perspective.-",

"-An idle mind is the devils playground as I think I heard but may have mis phrases it.Kids resort to substance abuse in part because of boredom.-",

"-With augmented reality glasses or free internet or rewarding the creativity of American youth by giving them a paid outlet on YouTube or Netflix for a tv or movie they create, you can help everyone‚boredom. -",

"- YouTube sort of does this with short clips like Jenna Marbles. Why not a whole limited series? Kids go to work, get recognition from their peers, keeps them out of trouble, makes them popular-",

"-The DC comics hero, Wildcat is known to come from a troubled childhood and neighborhood. He finds an outlet for the negativity that results, though boxing. If it were today,psychiatry would sedate that useful energy that could‚ve been channeled for greatness.-",

"I want my word, my reality, to be all natural. I don't want people playing games or following someone's instructions. Chances are the \"instruction-giver/stalker\" is just that. The crazy thing is, in 11 years, I don't know them, speak to them, yet they still do what they do...",

"- chances are \"instruction-givers/stalkers\" are doing what's best for them, while giving the illusion its for me. Through hype, and time, people think they're worth believing. I feel I have everything I want in life, short of a girl friend, or a family/network of my own...",

"- if something were done on my behalf, I'd be OK losing a billion dollars, or even possible justice against deranged stalkers and UAlbany, which screwed me over in 2012, and is using me to build the reputation of their party school...",

"I have everything. Over 11 years, with the exception of:No matter how long, how sad/crazy, I value people, friend people, who tell me the truth of what's transpiring, or talk to me, Period. I can take it.",

"- Would U believe in the last 11 years,1 girl, met thru a random place, & a coworker in a recent place, are the only 1's who extended a hand out 2 me or were quality human beings W/kindness in them? How crazy is it that in 11 years, aside from family & these 2, talking is rare...",

"- Whatever I know is thru instinct/senses/intuition, patterns/evidence built thru 11 yrs- regarding my situation. No 1 has ever talked 2 me, done anything W/my consultation. Schools/Police let them roam. What they possibly put out is based on who they want me 2 be, not who I am.",

"- People do the most random things in this \"program/situation\", whatever the h*ll it is...stand in my presence & I think wait 4 me to do something, walk around with phones, nod, or...heaven knows what...",

"- to continue on the previous tweet, I think it's b/c such behavior is recommended by the \"instruction-givers/stalkers\" or \"program/situation\". Please remember that I don't know them or what I'm in...They don't know me. They never spoke to me. They do as they please, illegally.",

"- 2 continue on the previous tweet, they have the most random access 2 my life - would U believe the government, law, police allow this 2 an American citizen against his will/complaints/&11 yrs of suffering (despite public smiles/etc.) ... -",

"- (to continue on previous tweet) The government, law, police, allow what's known b/c government/police are hiding their secret project in the known thing. Ur not going 2 believe what that is. If U use ur head, to allow something like this for 11 yrs, clearly they have incentive.",

"-(to continue on the previous tweet)..probably starts W/a contract or project offered to UAlbany..I mean phD's..their nano engineering school..all get involved in projects in what they do...Y else do they want 2 get their hands in my reputation & a matter W/crazy kids? Incentive!",

"-While I can be silly/loose/funny, Im a serious guy. Short of talking, I don't know what any1's doing. I love networking/making friends/or a girl friend. Like any1, my dream girl is attractive, some1 I can talk 2/some1 who listens 2 me/takes what I say seriously/can extend a hand",

"- Regarding girl friends, in addition 2 the other things, I want a woman I can love, who will love me, who will be truthful 2 me, & who I can hold/hug - Some1 who will face obstacles/disasters with me, & together escape/reach new heights. Some1 2 go on any/all life's adventures.",

"- As no 1 talks to me in my situation, particularly women, I don't know what the \"situation\" tells them. But I'm trying to express me. Read these tweets, starting with the oldest one. After 11 yrs, I want the next adventure. Whatever is to be gained from this, not interested.-",

"-It's not their program or making what I do public that shines a light on me. It's my actions, my personality, my words. By living, getting something like a twitter, I can do what they do better. I'm a regular guy who's content with what he has in life. -",

"-While I have a decent job, I'm always on the lookout for better opportunities, more enjoyable opportunities, more financially rewarding opportunities. I'm a computer science graduate W/an MBA in Management Information Systems, seeking a good job to help make dreams come true.-",

"-Not seeking a program/situation. I'll make my millions through a great job. I'll meet people through my actions. If I'm destined for fame, it will happen through a means that isn't illegal, that doesn't practically get me worked up, tortured to speak. -",

"- & 2 get justice 4 these 11 yrs...that shouldn't be an excuse or reason 2 not tell me the truth or speak to me. If I knew how something illegal is happening, I could move on W/my life, & maybe even taking any/all necessary legal action. These people are not my friends/family.-",

"-When all craziness & reputation stomping started, I was in my early 20's. These people destroyed a decade of my life, & possibly the best time in a persons life, while making it seem like - some crap - like Im afraid 2 go out or am embarrassed...remember, they don't know me. -",

"-and the crazy thing is, people believe these monsters. These instruction-givers/stalkers inflict variables in my life that are restricting and prevent me from living life to the fullest. Now I'm in my very early 30s, and I'm tired. Remember, 11 yrs. -",

"- I don't know if any1 sees this, I don't know if the instruction-givers/stalkers use tech 2 prevent people from seeing this..but this twitter is mine. If I want to vent, thats my right, not an excuse 4 a - remember - \"stranger\" 2 react to. I'm Regular guy \"minding his business.\"",

"-All I want, is my life to be as God intended & natural, With people doing what they feel like, whatever they originally would've done if this situation didn't exist. The only help I seek is the truth hidden from me for 11 yrs. It costs another person, a stranger even, nothing.",

"‚It takes a special person to do something, when everyone else is standing by..‚ - Lightning (from CW show, ‚ÄòBlack Lightning‚)In old neighborhood behind central ave, there was street racing on Thurs. night. Went on for yrs. Rather than speaking up, people put up w/it for yrs.‚",

"Letting my dad and brother borrow my car in the mid afternoons and evenings for a while...as I have the privilege of working from home...Hope remote work opportunities continue...",

"If you like the animated ‚Justice League‚ or ‚Justice League Unlimited‚ series, you‚re going to love ‚Invincible‚ series on Amazon Prime...great show, can‚t wait till the next few seasons come out...",

"Oh did u no what‚an awesome snack! Hokkaido cream rolls from cold food section at HMart or from wherever they keep snacks/breads in other Asian supermarkets. simple Japanese bun snack.-Chinese friend introduced them 2 me. yrs ago, I‚d eat them like 3-4 @ a time-simple but good!",

"In reference to my tweet 9 hrs ago (early morning), regarding the quote from Black Lightning show on the CW, it reminds me of something that happened in my freshman year at the college I was in, before I transferred to Albany-",

"When I was dorming in the dormitory referred to as CIW, a lot of the other freshman in the hall outside my dorm room, and my roommate, were talking about, checking out, and gathering around a website called ‚do not tell Ryan dot com‚ -",

"- through the commotion, I found out about it too. Ryan lived in a dorm on the same campus where it was suite style. He lived with 4-6 others with a common room and a single bathroom reserved for them all. The other 5 roommates got the brilliant idea of connecting a camera -",

"- to website in Ryan‚room and not telling him about. Ryan would go on doing his personal stuff-whatever that may be-thinking he was in the privacy of his space. People like animals got together to talk and check out the website. When walking by Ryan on campus, he might‚ve seen-",

"- giggles, whispers, or some sign of affirmation that something was up involving him. At the time, I was busy with classes and didn‚t have the interest to focus on the website. At that time and I guess age, without someone putting the idea to tell Ryan about it, I didn‚t give -",

"- being a friend to this guy or just a good human being to this guy, a second thought. After the issue with Ryan wAs resolved with authority figures and some time passed and I had time to think, I wondered to myself why I didn‚t tell Ryan, even though he was no one to me-",

"-it may have come off random or him seeing me as an intrusive stranger, but I would have had the salvation of ‚helping someone, truly.‚ When I came to that realization, I got over my, ‚staying silent about problems ‚, and went to seek solutions. If something like Ryan were to-",

"- happen again, I‚d definitely go and tell the other person, especially if it‚a matter of human dignity and right and wrong, or because of random hype, I thought he/she (person ‚I‚m‚helping) is worthy of a friendship. I mean, it like the story of the woman baking cake, was it?-",

"- she asked her network or circle, 2-3 people, if they would help her make the cake. They all denied help and came up with excuses. When the cake was ready, those same people who wouldn‚t help ‚make‚ the cake, were ready to ‚eat‚ her solo hard work cake. -",

"- not willing to struggle with a person or do the hard thing when it counts, but ready to jump at the rewards? To be blunt and a little...I dunno the word...prideful, disgusting?...I mean if it were me, if I go out of my way and expense to put myself in a different world-",

"- (and different from my post college,post bar/party life, remote job life, or whatever else), and clarify points by talking to myself or tweeting or facebooking or networking, and people do what someone else says to them...then well, sorry, I survived 11 years without you, -",

"- and in the years after, like the woman with the cake, I won‚t need you later. ‚Love one another as you love yourself.‚ It‚clear most people don‚t love themselves or can think beyond mechanical, established means of volunteering, community service, whatever. -",

"- read my tweets from the beginning, going backwards. There aren‚t that many. Don‚t just bookmark my page/link and peer, follow me on Twitter...let me know there are real genuine people, where I‚m not wasting my time.",

"-When 1 of my tweets tells a story or a point & it continues from 1 tweet to the next, they‚ll begin and/or end with ‚-‚ . It‚a sign of continuation. In such continuation cases, gotta go backward with tweets, past tweets with ‚-‚ ,& read from the beginning, scrolling bottom-up.",

"Imagine after an 11 year ordeal, someone wants to make you a role model...I mean are you f*king kidding me...I think some are so plugged into this, they forget the reality that this is crazy and cruel...11 yrs to make a hero/role model?! -",

"- ‚this is An impracticable situation, a cruel situation where they don‚t disclose what they do to make things happen, where u cannot feel or put urself in my shoes 2 empathize..-",

-I mean most are probably lost in details like me buying an espresso https://t.co/ZW9V7MCaSm this? why relay it? I‚m kind of like a guy who just got a new house and is trying to fill it with things that fulfill the needs of the demands of his life. -

"- to be honest, I don‚t want to talk about things are make things part of my public identity. Normally you choose how people see you, not something from h*ll throwing details that are no ones business, when it has nothing to do with anything-",

"- I think Christ and Joe Biden are genuine role models. But religion puts people off and makes people think ur some kind of priest. So let‚talk joe Biden. A role model. Do you know what he bought or what he‚doing or thinking all throughout the way? No. -",

"- what do you know of Joe Biden? President of the United States. Lost a wife, lost children. Conquered the emotional toll and picked up his life and moved on with the next adventure through another wife and kids. Him becoming president shows hard work, that he is a strong man-",

"- these are things that people can relate to in Joe Biden. ‚If you work hard, you can achieve anything, even be president of the United States.‚ When tragedy strikes, you get back on ur feet‚-",

"- Joe Biden‚life achievements were made known through contact with people-something Im encouraging.-",

"- Biden Is not a role model because he talks about everything he did, or something relays it, be it through Twitter, other social TEXT, or some other medium or platform. I mean it sounds like the definition of bragging and who likes a bragger-",

"- you know Joe Biden for what he says and the things he‚done, professionally, not in his personal life- such is the definition of a personal life...it‚personal, it‚private-",

"- you put the wrong or unnecessary things in peoples heads, it affects what opportunities come your way, what kind of people you meet...You put out what you want to get what you want/need.-",

"- beyond friends, In a natural setting, I think people get the impression I‚m not one to play games with. It‚been like that for years. Then all of sudden, people just started doing weird things, thinking I get it-",

"- remember what I said a few tweets ago? U let people know what u want them to know about I...friendships, relationships work that way..not everything is more comprehensive then a criminal background check for a job opportunity-& those things are privileged information by a few.-",

"- like I said people know what you want them to know...if you broadcast randomly how I am in one setting or with one individual, every1 expects that of you all the time. Is it practical to be the way u r with a relative/friend with somebody completely random or another context?-",

"- I keep saying this...people know what you want them to see or know...you define you...sometimes people need to hear/read these things...And reminded about how they, themselves are...-",

"- let me tell you something you already know. Hundreds of thoughts go through a persons mind all day. Some are based on 1st instinct, based on something that happened in the moment (may change in the next moment), based on past information acting as a pair of glasses to see thru-",

"- but how any of those thoughts are actually you, what you want, what your belief or perception is, overall-",

"- ( maybe that‚when a sporadic impulsive thought ‚evolves‚- when it becomes a belief/ perception-perception/belief is something you ‚thought through‚ and not a biological/impulsive/mechanical thought your ‚thinking.‚)-",

"- what matters is what you ‚thought through‚ and not just ‚what ur imagined to be ‚thinking‚ for a ‚given moment in time.‚What you ‚say‚ to people, what you speak, what comes out of your mouth and not ur mind, is what matters-",

"- what I say is probably ‚thought though‚ and not just something I‚m ‚thinking impulsively, for a given moment in time, for one reason or another, as described earlier.‚ -",

"- I think we‚ve all been in situations where we wonder ‚ why did I say that)‚ or been accused of ‚talking out of our a*s‚...-",

"- when speech is that, it doesn‚t make sense to hold someone accountable for everything that comes out of their mouth in their non public lives-makes no sense to wonder why he/she said or did that, when it wasn‚t for you, to begin with. -",

"-imagine if people were 2 react 2, or judge U (judging can mean seeing U in 1 way) 4 a biological response of a sporadic/impulsive thought thatRoams thru consciousness, that ur probably focusing past, as U live ur life in reality, & interacting/taking part in elements of reality.",

May 21st tweets right side up: https://t.co/9vNbSD3K1kMay 23rd tweets right side up: https://t.co/eOvt1QxFpHMay 24th tweets right side up: https://t.co/SYvJxqi3sw

"...ok, so if you post three links in one tweet, only the last link gets a preview...lets post each link separately...",

May 21st tweets right side up: https://t.co/9vNbSD3K1k

May 23rd tweets right side up: https://t.co/eOvt1QxFpH

May 24th tweets right side up: https://t.co/SYvJxqi3sw

"All tweets up to now, right side up, grouped together accordingly, in the three links, in the below/last three tweets (right before this tweet). Enjoy your day.",

At least make sure it doesn‚t happen you: https://t.co/9dqNjonE7w

"May 25th...",

"Years ago, I complained about slander against my reputation. When you realize ur publicly known, from my understanding, it evolves into libel. I wonder if these geniuses (orchestrators responsible), for 11 years, think they can evade the slander charge by relaying -",

"- whatever possible about me. Does that make sense after the May 24th tumblr post/tweets talking about speaking, thinking, doing? -",

"- I think what makes slander and libel so bad is that ‚people act on‚ false or inappropriate ideas/beliefs. Imagine treating someone as crazy, in every possible way, for 11 years, and restricting their life, when the orchestrators went into this without thinking of past,-",

"-without thinking type of Family, background culture...all on the basis of kids & maybe even a girl that I wanted to go out with years ago, but didn‚t, and never was my girl friend or even knew me. -",

"-(Amidst pictures of me, God forbid I mention the name of the girl for three days somewhere in my quiet unknown reclusive life,-",

"-where being as thorough as I am, I explained away all the situations i saw her/bumped into her-the whole thing probably lost focus over a name... for anyone to care or even know what‚talked about, am I-",

"-or she, a public figure?, or residing or studying in the same place, even?!) , None of these people know me...these are the kinds of stalkers I‚m dealing with for 11 years...-",

"something else...",

"From what the I said on 5/24/2021 about Joe Biden being a role model, in life challenges, he acted admirably. Christ lived admirably. When ur afflicted with a problem people can‚t feel or relate to, for 11 yrs!,-",

"-and speaking/writing/complaining thru the routes you have, doesn‚t rescue you, then less admirable means of acting become justifiable. When less admirable is the way to go, ur wasting ur time on the role model thing...-",

"and another thing...",

"American psychology, touchy/feely ways of handling people, ways of thinking, having to tell people things they should already know or think, people robotically following instructions instead of using their heads...dealing with people who are not objective, who are not-",

"-pragmatic...makes you wonder...am I of the same culture as these people?... or do I need to find another place in the world to live...and that‚when ‚they‚(orchestrators responsible) want me to be a ‚role model‚ for them. If you act as a team against someone, how-",

"-am I symbol to you, or how do I represent you, or how do I model your beliefs? Chances are, I've come to not understand the people in my environment or their 11 year way of handling things. I mean if you were to pass on today, and ur asked about your role in this,-",

"-what will you say? I went with the flow? Everyone else was doing it? Do you know what its like? What were your last 11 yrs like? At least event filled? Anyone sending you signs instead of \"being direct\" and talking to you?",

"another thing floating through the mind...",

"Christ, being God, spent 40 days in the desert. Faced the devil himself and three temptations. I'm a guy who does yoga (Surya Namaskar, pranayama meditation, from Hinduism), but I was born, raised, and am and continue to be a Christian. -",

"- For those against religion, just sharing something from my belief system. Personally, I‚m open to all religions. But anyway, Christ faced off with the devil for 40 days. My ordeal is lasting 11 years+. -",

"-I am NOT God or a god. Christ faced 3 temptations. Everyday, peace of mind is taken from me. Christ faced the devil. I dunno if Satan returned to being the angel, Lucifer, & needed a replacement, or what..but someone or someones, who take this kind of initiative against their-",

"-fellow man, for this much time, while infecting the world like the group of demons - Legion - with their instructions...There is something worse than Satan and his demon following: Man or humans who possess the power of a god and can have a mass-",

"-following against one individual...Me? I'm just a regular guy amidst all this hype(happens naturally through 11 yrs), getting his life together. Where I buy my coffee or even me doing things like buying my coffee shouldn't challenge that perception. I work for quality, look to -",

"-attain quality. Thats my business. Point being, not even Satan challenged Christ with this kind of an ordeal...I guess this is where that saying comes in: \"What you did to the least of my brothers and sisters, you did to me...\" Being overpowered by the-",

"-world...that puts me in a lowly position...or how about \"Whoever perverts the innocence of one of these little ones, should tie a millstone around their neck and jump into a body of water\" As everything has to be explained, little ones doesn't have to mean-",

"-children. It could mean someone innocent, projecting NO ill will against another. Food for thought peepz. America, a Christian country? Bull sh*t. My a*s. American citizenship powerful? Bull. For 11 yrs, every illegal thing, impractical thing, continues...",

today's tweets right side up on this blog: https://t.co/A753K5G4Om

"Huh...now the concern hits...In writing so much in one day, will people read? will they digest? will they process? will they get it?",

"May 26th tweets and tumblr post...",

"- Keeping high end projects secret or from those it involves, won‚t prevent it from happening to you or get laws enacted. Since when does silence do that? Hence protests, etc. In this case, look at the facts. 11 years someone is suffering. Does that make the authority-",

"- figure look credible? And they picked a brown kid in the same way the Nazis chose Jewish minorities for their eye color changing experiments. It‚never someone who‚white who‚picked for ridiculous things.-",

"- The American white orchestrators cannot bear the thought of a brown guy having a decent life. So let‚pick him to do this, amidst all the opportunities present in his life. Let‚rob him of all that, give him an unbelievable amount of stress and make him prematurely bald.-",

"-Just because this is America, does not mean the orchestrators will keep their word to you, the public, or give whatever incentive promised. I‚m an American citizen for 30+ years. I‚d say with it pride, but now it‚a source of humiliation. -",

"-That citizenship wasn‚t strong enough to prevent illegal activities. Don‚t be ignorant. With what‚happening and it‚way of happening, I can understand fear. What use are notions of the Holy Spirit in you or just plain human spirit,-",

"-if you cannot confront evil. If what‚happening to me happens to 10 more people, the only way to help yourself and them is to speak up and lend an ear ‚about‚ and ‚to‚ unusual activity. Staying silent is giving horrible people under worldly reputations and possessions the-",

"-freedom to abuse another human being. Since when do men in power keep their word? It is the job of the public to use their spoken word, our sword, to confront evil. Lay down the facts and look at what‚been done and for how long, not sweet sounding-",

"-voices/motives/gender/age. I bet the devil, when he tempts and torments someone toe to toe/head to head, he comes in the most appealing form to throw off his victim from suspecting anything. -",

"-Tally up what you can understand as done and destroyed, not what‚‚said‚ by a stranger to be done.",

"-There are 2 groups involved.From what I understand, theres group1 talking 2 every1, & probably explaining away &justifying their end (despite 11 yrs) in face of my tweets/tumblr post. Then theres group2 hiding behind group1's public distraction. That's the high end project.",

May 26th tweets right side up in blog link below...I think twitter even provides a preview...same as tweets from early morning (before 6 AM)... https://t.co/9dqNjonE7w

"Looks like theNext instruction or twist onWhat I actuallySaid/wrote/tweeted made its way..just Why?..what is so hard about the ‚be natural‚ Concept-no skin off ur back..right, then the orchestrators (1‚responsible) have noPoint orJob. The Americans side with their own, clearly.",

"There is a Facebook, a Twitter, a tumble all directly from me. I‚m big on being direct with people. That‚interacting/talking with someone not through something acting like a celebrity‚agent...just a regular guy, the rest is hype-",

"What happens to the concepts of fate and destiny if you tell everyone where I‚m going all the time? But then if you didn‚t, once again, the pointless orchestrators would be jobless. When two people meet, normally it‚chance, luck...-",

"-kinda like the movie ‚The Adjustment Bureau‚ with Matt Damon‚and Emily Blunt. Not everyone is supposed to meet everyone. It‚ridiculous that a grown man has to deal with a program for a reputed particular party schools and teenagers...-",

"-they soil my reputation by perpetuating teenage concerns about bullying, ‚oh my gosh, is everyone looking at me‚, and other nonsense...",

"- I‚m out to score a wife, more money through business and jobs, and that‚when the American psychology fueled little kids program pursues me like psychopaths over the course of 11 years... hey orchestrators, know where ur not wanted, have some dignity, and find someone else.",

"Being 1st generation Indian American, born & brought up here, Ive had the usual problems...culturalClashes, aDoubleLofe w/family&friends, too much time w/their own community-it gets old, when just telling foreigners ur an American citizen leaves the impact of jealousy & wonder.",

"- growing up, kids (let‚not forget I‚m a grown man in his very early 30s who people hold accountable for every second/word of his life...imagine if it was you, anyway...)- growing up, kids like me are out to be as American as possible. We don‚t want the culture of our parents-",

"I went to Iona Prep high school, I‚ve left the Indian Orthodox Church (stricter form of Catholicism: hence, the word: Orthodox), to be around the larger culture and a variety of people through the Catholic Church I embrace as my own-",

"- there are Italians, Irish, Mexicansnd other Hispanics , Indians, brits, and so forth. I always seen myself traveling and being busy...a service is always available, any day, and it‚all over the world.-",

"- but despite all my attempts at embracing American culture and my natural born citizenship, in the end Americans and people of my background left me to rot and side with the orchestrators. Not one person of any background had my back in a time of need.-",

"I got so fed up when all this started over no one believing me/or everyone lying to me, I left my home state of New York to go to/live in the country of my background: India. Then these people, these orchestrators followed me there and messed up a chance at a fresh start-",

"- be it thru a new apartment of my own or a great IT job. I got tired of America and left,&their people followed me, to bring me back,&harass me for 11 years...I say ‚their people‚ because you‚ve all clearly indicated through a project/program, that ur on 1 side, &im onAnother.-",

"Here I am doing crazy things totalk to a girl or get a girlfriend, and my own network of people as a whole...but then, after all this, I gotta wonder...being an Indian American, I can go back and select any woman from a large selection to be my wife... I can pick a real woman-",

"- as I feel females in America tend to be more girly then womanly ... I mean I look like a grown man (I wouldn‚t go so far as a prime example or definition, but I‚m close, on any day, whether fat-sadly, currently-skinny, or muscular). I need a woman.-",

"I could skip a dozen steps&formalities of a girl friend 2wife, by jumping 2 the chapter of a wife &family of my own, thru the concept of arranged marriage. At this point, I don‚t care about the American bit. Through my habits, personality, &the well known Indian work ethic,-",

"-through the stuff in the previous tweet, I feel I‚m more a typical Indian man, despite my lifelong efforts at being more American in the Indian American part of my identity.-",

"-The orchestrators making my family act against their culture, inflicting what they see as a normal life on me, and judging me for being me...everything you done is ample evidence of racism in practice/action, and the 2013 charge of a hate crime that I made to the idle police-",

"-, all while the orchestrators and the reputed party school hijacked my calls to the police, and even went so far as to tell me on the phone call to the police:‚stop calling.‚ At least try to ‚act ‚ like law enforcement...",

"And maybe now to return to normal tweets for the most part...",

"Was on my Peloton bike this morning and couldn‚t help but notice how these female trainers look like ‚women.‚ From the dancing on the bike to whatever, all have personality, all are lively...you don‚t see too many females that look like women over girls in real life...",

"Give what I say/write, that‚verified as from me (an example of being direct with me), like my Twitter, tumblr, or Facebook precedence, 1st preference, over what anyone else says, or what the indirect folk resort to.",

"RT @RennyJi: May 26th tweets right side up in blog link below...I think twitter even provides a preview...same as tweets from early morning

Already tweeted this @6AM after my pre 6AM tweets but posting this link again since its buried under myTweets from 10:15-11:15..&retweeted this 2..yeah umm U wouldn't believe the time/expense it takes to tackle the unknown...but here's the link again: https://t.co/9dqNjonE7w

Tweeted before 6 AM today posted those tweets in a link twice and in a retweet Tweeted from 10:15-11:15 today posted those tweets right side up in the link below: https://t.co/6NBwjXIOSt

"May 27th tweets...",

"The reputed party school wants to spend 11 years wondering why ‚I don‚t go out‚ in the sense of bars/partying. For their personalities or the kids they‚re used to, from the low grade requirements for their school(nothing against anyone for getting admission there), -",

"-I suppose it‚to be expected.With my grades at Iona Prep High School, I had scholarships with free laptops at some decent private schools. But I chose to go to the Harvard of the SUNY‚s: Binghamton University. -",

"-I transferred out, because I wanted a fresh start with a new major, late in my academic career, after an attempt at electricalEngineering. The only place that‚d take me is a reputed party school. Theyre probably like F* you in reading this, but being the truth, it‚undeniable.-",

"-And at that point in my academic career, I thought, what's in a name to a school or its reputation. But look what happens when you go to some places. Leaving Binghamton was the worst decision for so many normal/abnormal reasons. -",

"- i mean, for one thing, your grades reflect on the kind of person you are. it can say your hard working, or equally smart but just want to take it easy and do things like party and alcohol and drugs all day. but different story, moving on...-",

"-I used to spend a lot of time in computer science lounge and in the faculty department common room, at said party school. Despite me being there almost everyday, and at the Starbucks in Colonie, NY for networking, where this location is at the center of multiple Universities,-",

"-the professors who had a role in this, sided with random kids they don‚t see in that area often. I guess it‚because they partied and I studied. ‚Sided ‚in that they listened to random kids who don‚t know me, rather than talk to the guy in their vicinity on a daily basis. -",

"-Such is the reputed party school. While in the common area, I heard one of their professors say, they take as many kids from a local community college: Hudson Valley, to boost their graduation rates. -",

"-I guess they don‚t get the kids they need for that in normal admissions at a reputed party school. As I hear them talking sometimes, while making me look crazy for it, you should have heard their astonishment at the Binghamton common computer area in comparison to what they-",

"-have at their reputed party school. It says a lot about reputations. The orchestrators try to make it seem like, the way I am in a ridiculous situation(probably filmed or the equivalent all day), while living with my parents, is how I am. -",

"- They‚ve been doing this for 11 years, after robbing me of my opportunities for 11 years. I had a life before this, and I intend to continue to, after, with my own network, family, etc, away from these orchestrators and their craziness.-",

"- &another thing, regarding the party school, think im just saying things? check the books. and are their graduates or students going to get mad at me, despite the school's clear role and for calling the students equally smart, a number of tweets ago? well, oops, OK..moving on.-",

"moving onto addressing something else...-",

"-The orchestrators are always misusing people under the pretense that I‚m a picked on kid. I‚m a successful, grown man. -",

"-Not because I‚m conceited, but from life experience, I wrote 11 yrs ago: ‚I‚m not the last person people harass, but I‚m also far from the first.‚ When it happens, with my image (while chubby, and not handsome now), I know somethings up. -",

"-Try me, and be direct about it, rather than do something ridiculous from afar. I don‚t waste time on idiots. -",

"-The orchestrators perpetuate and take part, and make official and global, a small rumor of a girl I don‚t know or knows me (or her misguided teenage friends who also don‚t know me nor do I know them-big theme in this, with all involved) from 11 years ago.-",

"-The only thing that ever harmed me, abused me, or robbed me of health and opportunities, is the orchestrators. -",

"-Teenage kids have no power. Whatever effect they have dies down. It takes something big or reputable (like adults of a particular standing) to give their ideology power. -",

"-These adults...I don‚t know them, they don‚t know me...I don‚t understand their 11 year project/vendetta/-whatever this massive lie is, against me. Maybe it started with just wanting to make money off of me and my life and my lifestyle. -",

"-In trying to address this 11 year problem, my true focus: my career, gets hidden, and you end up thinking I‚m taking part, or after the cr*p-ola of the orchestrators. I‚m big on what‚natural. -",

"-Anywho, I wrote this 1st in the ‚Notes app‚ on my iPhone yesterday, to publish on Twitter & tumbler today, in case I forgot. - in case todays posting was seen earlier...think it happens to emails sent to myself and other things...-",

"-Focus on what‚4 each day on Twitter &tumbler, despite what cannot be helped i.e. the random relaying of everything @ any time, since no 1 helps me stop it by talking 2 me. Imagine what would happen if you told me-the power to save myself...what a great thing you'd be doing...",

"about that party school? before things escalated, as soon as I noticed the potential for a problem behind a situation occurring without telling me, I went to their Conflict Resolution office at their school and told them about my concerns and what I noticed-",

"- the next day, the guy that spoke to me, walks in a different direction, from a small distance, forces a head turn, and gives me a retarded smile. -",

"-Despite my \"reporting things\" like one does to the police in the face of a problem, that school went crazy against me on the day of my 2012 finals. can you imagine a school allowed to go nuts on the day of a student's final exams? -",

"-once again, goes back to the talk about reputations from several tweets ago - this morning. Ur reputation is who you are and reflects in your actions...and here we're dealing with a reputed party school...while they slander my reputation by putting me in retarded predicaments.-",

"- so many bad experiences with students and faculty at that school...in the first dorm suite i lived in, 5 guys pushed me into my room for pushing them back alone, by myself, for telling them to pitch in cleaning-",

"-&one of them - a stupid fraternity idiot - rushed to tell on me, saying i punched him. in a part time job, i told the guy i was working w/to teach me the trade or get the phone in my cubicle working in an area with no cell reception. he just responds nastily and it culminates-",

"- on another occassion, i locked myself out of my room in a different dorm suite, b4 going to my next part time job, which was in their down town. took the highway to get there. went to the faculty and told them my problem - that i had work, can't be late, need to get in my room-",

"-they tell me that i have to wait 2 hours b/c that's when their services are officially available. what if it was class & i needed my backpack? when they eventually agreed 2 help me, the woman i was speaking with, probably saw me going to my dorm building, -",

"-& she drives around &past me w/a nasty look to spite me 4asking them, when saying she'll go to my room and unlock it. when i think i went back to their office &told them about it, she claims she went to my building &waited, but i didn't show up. i saw her drive in a circle.",

"- and that second part time job...to prove myself useful when things weren't busy with a computer job, i would, alone, move big shelves, i think desks, &other furniture, down a floor or two. It was a gesture on my part after hearing them talk about no one clearing their office-",

"-after the things i did for them, i emailed them if they knew anything about this, &never a response. -",

"this is the party school now wondering about why i'm not out, socializing, getting laid all day/everyday, hitting the bars, or whatever. To the orchestrators: leave my life alone. They're so much proof to all this...i guess amidst everything else, maybe they can see memories...-",

"- i mean would it kill these people to go the conventional route and use a lie detector with all involved? It's so easy to clear this up. Based on what I truly want for my life, all of this is a mess.",

"- based on tech they use, in claiming 2 help me(when i need no help aside from telling me whats happening), they try to justify lies 2slander me or try to get me 2write all day. They perpetuate nonsense 2get me 2write, 2 I guess, see if they can predict it-to put it another way.",

"and going back to conflict resolution at the party school? there was one thing i forgot to mention. not only did he allow this to transpire without telling me. -",

"-on the day of my exams, when the sounds projected 2 me, made threats 2 a relative of mine, there, by saying \"maybe we should help him too\", I called Conflict Resolution @ party school several times. They wouldn't pick up. I think I left messages, but no call back. -",

"- in the face of harassment, threats, evolving to what it is today, under a false impression by people of power, such is the party school.",

"- U gotta wonder amidst yrs of this mental strain, especially at party school, where was cr*p flowery Amerian psychology/counseling system, what was the school's Conflict Resolution doing. -",

"-at that party school, failures all around..at the time I was there, academic departments were closing like i think their French department. but whatever. orchestrators are people in power, parading as those of quality, when they're not. 11 years of torture attest to that.",

"and one normal tweet for when we can move past this...-",

"love the @onepeloton (peloton). love #leannehainsby (cycling trainer) for her appearance, personality, and training.",

"leannehainsby",

May 27th tweets right side up in blog link...hope the length doesn't make people miss certain elements... https://t.co/sMsllxDNy4

"May 28th tweets...",

"For 11 years, me and the word ‚girl‚ always end up translating to association with this one girl I don‚t know. Wanted to go out with her once, approached her at a bar, in the dining hall on campus, -",

"-but then she talks to some other guy in front of me, gives me an angry look all the time, disappears from the dining hall, or dances amongst other girls. You figure ur giving the wrong idea and then this randomness seems to start, -",

"-as you nicely move away from that. I left the idea of that girl by giving her a letter, explaining things, and ultimately leaving the ball in her court. That‚when random kids go on about the idea of someone for years after.",

"I mean I‚ve had the privilege of going out with this Muslim Pakistani girl (i totally respect what you consider haram) older than me and a genius Sikh Punjabi girl (to you Sikhinis, I share in you or love for one God and traditions) who drew my picture in that epic Facebook-",

"- and would distract me like h*ll while in class. Things didn‚t work out, I see this new girl, with one of the best first names on the show Friends: Rachel- possibly my favorite name. -",

"-I hope the mention of 1 of the most common 1st names, 11 yrs later, in this general fashion, doesn‚t cause problems 4me. But her &other women Ive come across lately might give U a glance, but also give the impression that if U return the look for 2long, theyll be creeped out.",

"W/everything, it boil down 2 \"what void\" ur trying 2 fill. Being human=ugly->a lot of good&bad w/in. Violent offenders should output aggression&resulting brain reward centers, by finding noble idea/value 2 fight 4. Disabling such obstacle fulfills inclinations thru powerOfChoice.",

"RT @RennyJi: - you‚re provided for, have a nice place to live, you‚re a prominent family, can go out and eat, have a healthy son, can buy t

"- so I tweeted that last retweet's clip, yesterday. On top of everything else, when a couple gets a divorce, usually, \"the male spouse\" loses half his income, and for some reason: the family house, to his wife, who then gives hourly weekend visitation rights...-",

"- divorces happen in America on something trivial. \"Oh the marriage lost its spark...I'm not attracted to him anymore...\" Nowadays you see on TV, friends becoming a marriage pastor online and wedding their male and female friends. Somethings lose their seriousness then.-",

"- But in the more formal Church practice, you say \"through sickness and health, to love and to cherish, 'till death' do us part...\" its part of a phenomena, nowadays, where no one says what they mean and don't speak with meaning.-",

"- when you say something as deep, as \"through sickness and health,\" in the form of a vow ('a promise'), in Church, in front of the God (who Americans abandon in favor of atheism or agnosticism or apathy), how can you even contemplate divorcing someone on something trivial?-",

"- \"in sickness and health\" could mean 10 years into your marriage, your spouse becomes paralyzed and you end up bathing them for the rest of both your lives. It could mean they cannot even kiss you, let alone have sex with you. But that's what you sign up for. -",

"- but nowadays, Americans are under belief that U live once. Reach 4 happiness at whatever cost. In places like India, they're not that innocent either. People in 3rd world countries may share a similar philosophy in form of, \"I've had it bad, and I'll do anything 4 happiness.\"-",

"- I remember talking on relationships, in passing, w/a doctor, & I remember him saying: there's nothing wrong w/asking 4 a prenuptial agreement (as mature people plan 4 it all & aren't blinded by emotion), & asking 4 bloodwork at onset of relationship 2 prevent unwanted diseases.",

"Everything in time seems 2 go through a cycle. People adhere 2 formalities in one season, then wonder Y across time, relax on those formalities, as 1 example. -",

"- An ex. of a past thing gaining prominence in present is ancient practice of Feng Shui, or what Indians call \"Vasthu Compass\", inviting people 2 build homes on non-toxic energy points in ground/earth. Toxic locations can bring unfortunate circumstances 2 the resider of a home. -",

"- I believe the History Channel's Ancient Aliens show alluded to Washington DC being laid out on positive energy lines. Washington's creators even planted an obelisk (the Washington Monument) as if to magnify energy. Maybe its all a coincidence.-",

"- people blame God 4 everything going wrong. When something good happens, no 1 says Thank You. Some say bad things happen b/c a child not walking & suddenly walking, is God's way 2 bring us down from airy heads in a cloud/distractions &appreciate something as simple as walking.-",

"- a sciencey/maybe eve metaphysical? way of understanding a tsunami in Japan or an earthquake in Haiti, is people's choices contributing to negative energy accumulating in the earth, leading to an energetic push toward negative happenings.-",

"- now I mentioned 2 places in my last tweet. But we as a world are 1, like an individual's 1 body. Your mid region back pain or lower back pain could be because of a problem occurring in another region in ur body. The pain and the cause of the pain could be in different places.-",

"- a collected period of darkness in multiple places throughout the world might puss out like acne in the form of a tsunami or earthquake in another part of the world.",

"When Trump talked about his \"big beautiful wall\", I didn't get the pushback. What are you saying? You don't want effective border protection? -",

"- On something rooted in mixed feelings in just saying, when coal miners and people working with oil rigs complain about renewable energy sources, it's kind of like the issue with the wall. Are you saying you want to deplete the world's nonrenewable sources of energy?-",

"- I believe augmented reality glasses like what's reported as being called Apple Vision, along w/free internet, can provide people w/ways 2 spend time. Regarding pharmaceutical industry, I believe focus should be on cloud controlled nanotech to produce meds w/o sideEffects.-",

"- in the presence of big game changing things like that, going back 2 coal miners, U should train the workers of the coal mines and give them preference for jobs replacing the resource they worked with. New Tech like nanotech in place of conventional pills will result in losses.-",

"Though born a Christian, I see all religions as different languages to speak about one truth, and to one loving God. If I were to identify myself, I‚d prefer the label of a God-fearing individual, more than anything. Reminds me to say, I like to relate with people. -",

"-While these women of the past were of the Asian persuasion, I‚m open to all cultures and religions when it comes to a relationship.",

"I saw a very modern Bollywood movie a while back about 2 people at a club, &the girl asks the guy, ur place or my place. On the flip side or other extreme, I saw a humorous clip on Facebook recently, about this very attractive girl, 4some odd reason, nervously approaching a guy,-",

"-&telling him she‚interested and would like to go out. The TEXT and reality are very different. I think in reality, it always falls on the guy to initiate a conversation, while in tv and movies, it‚the opposite. Anywho, kindly, do me this favor. When I use the word ‚girl‚-",

"-in conversation or writing, please stop associating it with any women or the past. Past is past. Why random kids think I‚m only capable of walking away from this one girl, and can only refer to this girl, is beyond me. To make any type of commotion, is she famous? -",

"-Does anyone, wherever in the world I go, even know this person? The word ‚girl‚ should not be associated with previous associations. I could be using the word generally or specifically about someone else. -",

"-Binghamton undergrad: I had my freshman days, sophomore days, etc, along with the full college experience. -",

"-In party school/ transfer college, I went as an adult - not a teenager- to finish my school as quickly as possible without distractions.-",

"-I had an apartment of my own, readily available/accessible food - thanks to my parents- all so that all I have to worry about is studying. Then the randomness from the orchestrators takes over, messing everything up.-",

"My Twitter username is @rennyjiThe orchestrators-possibly involving party school professors- perpetuated the rumors of a girl and kids and took advantage of a situation for the purpose of their government project, that the world is unknowingly helping in.",

May 28th tweets between 5:29 AM and 5:40 AM on blog link with words right side up unlike twitter which displays most recent tweet even if its a continuation of an account/detail/story through multiple tweets: https://t.co/2gjosWayuf

"lonely Indian male seeking puertoriquena wanting esposo, or \"middle eastern i dream of jeanie\" wanting alzawj, or italiana wanting marito, or punjabi wanting pagdiwala, and so forth in every other culture and language...its an all points bulletin...",

May 29 tweets..@ this day&time there isn't much more 2 say about \the situation\ weird \past\(being past) or@present there isn't aNeed where every littleThing needs 2be explained even more..so 4now going 2switch 2normal tweets..note my tumblr page: https://t.co/YBHaO5OLil

"I miss the days of long hair and bangs on the corners of my forehead, drooping onto my face... awesome feeling...to relive that...oh mannn...",

"-semi long hair with potion 9 leave in conditioner/gel...I wonder if they still have that stuff...",

"Years ago, like 11 years ago, I think I heard something along lines of ‚let‚or theyre bringing back the radio...‚ I also remember seeing a white page on some1‚laptop screen with a black square in the middle...the kind of square that goes black when there‚no visual input...-",

"- anything 2do with(w/) ‚the thing‚?!..who knows..I don‚t have a real/genuine friend who‚d tell me things during bad/hard times..its true whats said..U realize whos truly w/U when going gets tough...in my life, its just the good Lord...not a single empathetic/sincere human being.",

Pic from more than 10 years ago on twitter below and on tumblr: https://t.co/adxFzcZ8fA

May 29th end of day summary of tweets... https://t.co/m8iuxXeWuX

"May 30th tweets...-",

"- So, as some of U already no, amidst a problem for 11 years, Ive been frequently doing things likeDeleting &recreating facebook. 11 years ago, around that time, when all this started, when I started @ party school, I had 2facebooks. 1 registered 2 Binghamton, 1 to party school.-",

"- the one registered to Binghamton, I deleted my friends, put up a drawing of me as a picture, and wrote something random to put down a rumor and return to normalcy in the 2010 bare bones facebook. It was to tackle what I believed at the time to be the source of the problem.-",

"-As per the ultimate source of the problem, I could always be wrong, but I imTEXTtely got a reaction to the writing on that page by people in my surroundings, making me believe I was write about the first assumed source of the problem. -",

"-At the same time, like said previously, I had a facebook registered to party school. On it I had friends made at party school, people I met in the local area, and also my dorm/suite mates. This even had a picture of me, not a drawing. But the original orchestrators?-",

"-whoever they were, they focused on my \"test facebook\" to figure things out. sometimes you gotta put out random things in your environment to figure out an unknown situation, by observing for reactions...-",

"- amidst a drawing on the stalked facebook, 4 an otherwise uknown recluse like me 2 be in the \"awareness of strangers,\" it means there is a photo of you going around. Why jump to that? I saw friends of a random girl & other strangers take pictures of me from afar at Binghamton.-",

"- Despite my awareness that something's wrong for 11 years, \"the situation\" continues. Imagine the compounding stress...1years of stress from normalStuff like school or work, 2 instruction fueled parents or complete/total/illegal randomness...how do U deal with that all that?!",

"- moving on...",

"-My family and me, in my youth, never took a lot of pictures after 13/starting high school. Not for any reason, despite dads love for Nikon cameras. due to school or work, there was never the time. That and before my parents made it in their careers, -",

"-aside from family trips to India to see family, not a lot of vacationing to exotic places. college, and when I joined college, Facebook started for first time, never got to posting pictures. -",

"-On a different note, Facebook was nothing like it is today. Very simple in, I think 2006-my God, it‚202-but anyway, even my more notorious Facebook writing wasn‚t even in a modern ‚Note‚or whatever. It was in the ‚About Me‚ ‚section‚ of a very basic/simplistic Facebook-but -",

"-back to the point...I think it‚beyond random and weird that there may be total strangers with possible pictures of my youth...",

"Oh my gosh... Becky...look at her bu....no, what I mean is...oh...my...gosh...for 11 years, what if ur orthodox Christian-cultural clash-parents steered the direction of entertainment on your life...how would they do it...the orchestrators clearly want me to be crazy...-",

"-and the school, from their involvement is going to be in legal trouble...how are all these people painting me...regarding my strict parents, I can‚t do anything with a girl in the house I grew up in, not that as a grown adult that I care. I mean I was scared to ask -",

"-my culturally different parents to go to my high school prom. Didn‚t want to hear their No! My brother, on the other hand? About him, he‚also a grown adult, finishing his residency as a doctor and moving onto bigger and better things. My parents think the guy-",

"-who wasn‚t as focused on school as I was or who didn‚t please them all the time like me, is the ideal or better son. Me? Particularly after involvement with the orchestrators, my parents -",

"- just think I‚m out of my mind in everything I do. What did my brother, the ideal son, do, for his prom? The nuts on this one is ridiculous...he begged and got permission to go with a blonde girl at the prom at our all boys private college preparatory high school. -",

"-Then to make his secret girl friend happy, he tells my parents he‚going to sleep over at a friends place. What does he actually do? Him and the friend at the pretend sleep over take a train to Connecticut from New York to attend his blonde girl friend‚s-",

"-prom at her school there. They do what they do, return the next day, and my parents aren‚t any wiser. My parents praise my little brother. What do I get for a lifetime of obedience? Random obstacles, and getting yelled at or provoked, to get me to say things for entertainment. -",

"-I‚m in the shoes or boat of someone who just can‚t set things right in this praising of my brother vs. me...such is life...-",

"-As part of the nonsense that goes on to make what I‚m calling sick ‚entertainment,‚ happen, today my mother comes to me and says she wants to wax the floor of my bedroom/office/space in our family house-rent for nice apartments in good areas cost $1700-$2000. Staying in the -",

"-house saves me money and allows me to use that money for other things. But anyway. She tells me she also wants to vacuum. I‚m like Ok. Then, as usual, the random dialogue starts. It randomly escalates. -",

"-It‚one of those ‚but you said...now ur saying this...it doesn‚t make sense...what are you even talking about...‚ situations. -",

"-Usually In this ‚show‚, randomness like that occurs, where my mother makes faces at me, slams a hammer or walks to another room while I‚m talking, or says something condescending. This I believe is to get me to say things at a point of aggravation.-",

"-Keep provoking until you get a show. This is what all of you witness and allow to continue by never telling me anything. It then fills the mind with distracting, resulting anger/frustration, the resulting thoughts, and the mind of lack of focus that fails to get things done. -",

"-Such is 11 yrs of life. If the provocation is to get me to go out, there‚only so many places I can go, so much money I can spend, while simultaneously no one says nothing to me. So what is the point of all this?! What happens with the room waxing/vacuuming?-",

"-Well mom has me like all my things onto bed &other places where things shouldn‚t be so that the wooden floors are clear. Then after provoking me, she makes it seem something that didn‚t happen or she thinks happened is my fault. She walks out without her completing her desire -",

"-2 wax &vacuum, &now leaves me w/the burden of having 2fix my room up, so that my bed is clear to sleep on, all after I finish a personal-but actually 2 person- project Ive been putting off, &showering. I guess this morning(W/respect to yesterday, that is-forgot to clarify that)-",

"-is the only relaxation I get...and like that, with a constantly aggravated or busy mind, I have to finish work for my job and get other things done...you look to things like a massage at places, but that‚90 minutes, and the weird life thing is all day amidst 11 years...-",

"The even with dear Ma happened yesterday, and clearly not at 6:14 AM. forgot to clarify that. will make the correction when it goes into my tumblr link...",

"Moving onto normal stuff -",

"- Did any of you know that dark roast coffee contains less caffeine than light roast. I think everyone shares in my misconception that dark roast is stronger, but its written as not, online. Google it...",

"I said it before, I‚ll say it again, peace of mind is priceless. I hope I end up with woman who fuels that, rather than more drama.",

May 30th early morning tweets in a blog link: https://t.co/e8ypLigR11Might tweet later in the day and post another blog link at the end of the day with all of that...Enjoy your day...

"You know, some people get a nose job cuz they‚re not happy with their noses, or something else from like, I think a plastic surgeon. On that note, I learned something from my younger brother, from when he was little.-",

"- every time he did something that got him in trouble, he‚d just give the cutest smile. By default, I have a serious kinda looking face.-",

"-Like I remember seeing the infamous girl to my story and one thing I learned-as you learn things from seeing and hearing things from progressing in life-is that some people have the perfect facial configuration that contributes to a great smile.-",

"-Whoever or whichever woman I end up with, I decided for future purposes,has to have a great smile. Has to be pretty, has to be a shoulder to lean on, someone I can talk to, and be a day of sunshine through an amazing smile.-",

"- and going back to people changing things and the unrelated tale of my brother- for all those random, unpredictable, awkward situations in life, if I could have a way, I‚d get the perfect smile, to smile right through those situations...",

"Moving on, but on the idea of facial features-not cuz Im conceited, arrogant, or full of myself, but growing up and through my college years-I used to be the notably and recognized handsome man or young man in my Church, family, school, a social gathering, or whatever it may be.-",

"- people would always comment and it was a part of me. Have you ever had random strangers on the street comment on you being a ‚good looking man‚ or on a separate occasion, hitting on you, while waiting for a bus?I‚ve had that privilege.",

"In my Indian community, there is a handsome actor named Hrithik Roshan. In my prime, people would tease or comment me as him in their presence. After the turmoil of Albany, I lost a chunk of my overly thick black hair. I took a beating all around from stress.-",

"- I had to face the reality I‚m not the guy I grew up as. Looking like me was a core part of my identity. It‚like when the character, ‚Lightning‚, on the show ‚Black Lightning‚ had her molecules and atoms rearranged and got a new face that wasn‚t what she was used to.-",

"-that‚when this retarded program is advertising you as ‚handsome‚ and a bunch of other nonsense. Without ur long hair and stress beaten, you face and accept facts, even take the American route of shaving what‚left off and having a clean shaven head.-",

"- ur down about not being you, your world being fake because of a nonsensical program, and they‚re trying to show off you...parents think there‚something wrong with me cuz I shave my head. In India, only literally crazy people shave their heads. Once again, a cultural clash...-",

"- you lose interest for a period in ur hobbies like working out, and some things you need to work out through time and life experience-no matter how seemingly inane or childish or stupid. Different things matter to different people.-",

"-The normal person doesn‚t have an anal retentive set of orchestrators and program trying to seemingly get you broadcasted for good, when really they‚re just trying to evade legal trouble...I mean the program and then the mental harassment...it‚unprecedented...",

"-In sharing a bit about me, amidst orchestrators creating random hype, gotta let you know, ‚I‚m a tell it like it is‚ guy. Please don‚t compliment or filter me, based on the past. I am what I am, today, whatever that may be. Past is past.-",

"-This ‚thing‚ just violates all psychological boundaries in what they say/do and how they do it.",

"- on that note, I guess I can understand my parents shoes. Having a son who‚always complimented, who‚among the top 10 of his class of 200 at an all boys college preparatory school with a weighted GPA of 4.2 out of 4.0...or being the exemplary altar server at his Church...-",

"-when this ‚thing from h*ll‚ comes into my family‚and my life, I stopped going to their Church and found my own, I was shaving my head, they were being instructed to be mean to me by the orchestrators...as irritated as I am with my parents for these 11 years, I guess maybe -",

"- their psychology must have been warped by the orchestrators and they missed being the mom and dad of star in their community...but, after 11 years of having no one but God Almighty, I realize I gotta do, what I gotta do, for me, first and foremost...",

"ud be surprised how different people look with and without hair. Really makes em look like a different individual. Something so simple, ud think people would have a solution, rather than a $20,000-$35,000 hair transplant, where hair isn‚t as thick and full as it once was...-",

"- I mean..lets think about this..if u can ‚do everything U can do 2 me, in how ur doing it to me‚, how is it u can‚t restore hair..in comparison, when u think of the simplicity of the idea of restoring hair, its ridiculous..but I guess w/ hair, theres no government/military gain.",

"On a lighter and different note,-",

"While I love my younger brother to death, I also wish I had a sister. There‚something nice and special to having that female in the family. As per sister type material, I see myself talking and hanging out with, I guess my younger cousin Nicole. But then she‚in Texas now.-",

"-The orchestrators want a moving, bustling show, but then at the same time, they gotta realize that they keep people away from me, while the rest of my family is miles away, in different cities, states, and countries...-",

"- but to original point: a realSister wouldve been nice, especially during these weirdTimes. Stuff like that has added a 2 my desire 2 have @ least 1 boy & 1 girl, for children, whenever I have them, after orchestrators leave, women talk 2me again,&I get a girl friend,& married.-",

"- it makes you think of women as a whole. Youve heard of, I think it‚called the human element or human touch. But a woman seems 2 have that kind of positive impact times a 100. A woman is something naturally beautiful in creation..as corny as it sounds..like a rose or a flower-",

"- to brighten a mood or environment, you need women. Thank God for female baristas, cashiers, Doctors, nurses, etc. they add to the daily beauty of a day and scenery with their voices, and for the most part, their faces.-",

"- I guess that thought was spurred on by a sketchers go walk 5 commercial. It makes you think of fitness wear and yoga clothes, and how they enhance the beauty of women. The creators of these outfits had some clear insight and have got to be geniuses...",

wrote a lot today-in early MORNING&early AFTERNOON. Theyre stories about past (not usual nonsense)/ideas/etc. After earlyMorning tweets posted them right side up on tumblr&tweeted link. Now tweeting here another tumblr link containing afternoon tweets: https://t.co/HI0haqUVL3

"May 31st tweets...after yesterday's morning and afternoon tweets, which were posted in two separate links, yesterday...",

"I value meaning not cultural violations, ‚every‚ random tradition. That‚one of the reasons I switched over to Catholicism from Orthodox Christianity, where I used to be an Altar server in 4 hour services while fasting. -",

"-The service, being the Indian Orthodox Church, is not in English, but highly advanced Church version of the Indian dialect I normally would speak to my parents. For four hours, I have no idea what‚being said and then there‚the random guilt of your mind wandering -",

"-while singing transliterated words (another languages words written in English script) throughout the service. It‚long, only on Sundays, has only one flavor of people, and other things I can‚t presently call to mind. I‚ve been going to Catholic school since the sixth grade. -",

"-I remember the first time seeing Sacred Heart Church. The aesthetics alone amazed me. The service and responses were in English and the service was short to fit in your schedule and available at multiple times, almost every day, making it easy to fit in a-",

"-schedule. It has people from all over the world and is always in the vernacular, or language of the people. It is a a Church with diverse community, it‚own good school system, and available throughout the world. It‚hard to miss Church. -",

"-The services being short are a good thing not out of laziness. But when something is long like a four hour service, it becomes hard to maintain focus and enthusiasm. -",

"-My reasons for switching to Catholicism is because it fits who I am as an individual and I found meaning there, just like, before this situation, I found meaning in New York as my residence through the power of the American citizenship, which unfortunately is lost. -",

"-A life of meaning is my reason for wanting to marry into another one of India‚many cultures, or another people/culture as a whole from anywhere in the world. I just feel there are more-",

"-similarities, more things to talk about, as I‚m more of the black sheep where I‚m from in what and how I talk, or regarding beliefs and goals.",

"hmmm...what else...",

"First 18 years of life, living under my strict Orthodox Christian Indian parents &being sent to all boys schools, what kept me going was the dream, after watching my 1stBollywood movie, that 1 day/someday, Ill find a girl as pretty, full of personality, -",

"-like the women in their film industry. That said, interests have expanded beyond Bollywood-like women.",

"On another note, 2 be blunt...and crude?!...In the language of the cool, \"Im a face & nice smile man in women,\" not so much a big t*t/a*s man. I want a face I can look at all day & never get tired. The other stuff, great, as Im not gay, but face comes first. Just being open.",

"Throughout ‚this situation‚, every person, male, female, catholic, orthodox,Indian, non Indian, left me to suffer this alone. That too for 11 years. You thinks it cute, but thats not what transpires internally and externally. You‚re likely seeing a filtered version, -",

"-cuz I have a hard time digesting that people react 2 something like this, this way, &that too, world saving Americans? Acting like nazis experimenting &killing Jews? But back 2the point..whether it be the people of my background or not, ur loyalty has been 2the ‚orchestrators.‚-",

"-In expanding my community/network/\"my peepz\":my parents need to understand that the people of my background and not of, all held their loyalty to the orchestrators, not me.-",

"-If it‚for something good promised to me, my Christian Indian brethren, Christ says believe and you can move mountains. If you believe and love me like yourself, we can get the same benefits of this program and relieve me of my 11 year indignity. -",

"-Christ also has another saying. When I was hungry, you didn‚t give me food. When I was without clothes, you didn‚t clothe me. What you did to the least of my brethren, you did to me. I don‚t know you, he says. These are the values of my God.-",

"-His Kingdom is open 2all peoples/all faiths, be it a decent humanBeing whos an atheist, or a devoutChristian. Despite this h*ll of a situation or b4 it, I used 2think of heaven 2be likeAmerica-a place open 2all peoples. But on evidence&proof of 11 yrs, this has proven 2be h*ll.-",

"-Now I am the least of my Lord‚brethren, because of my 11 year situation, where I am truly alone, despite the world observing me.-",

"-Nodding at me means nothing. It‚just more drama. Talk to me and talk to me about ‚the situation‚...are you their puppet, or my friend? Were you helping your God, when His followers were in need?",

"-But the point of all this, to my parents/my old Church/whoever: my relationships, friends,community, neighborhood, city will be with all peoples, cultures, and faiths or the lack of, not simply a mechanical attachment to the people of my background.-",

"-My values are Indian, but my interests are American. -",

"-Regarding the people I want to encompass in my world or my network, especially the woman who will be mine, I need someone and things and community that I can hold a conversation with. I can‚t just talk about tradition, Church, and such things like some of my family members.",

"and moving on...",

"About Cr*p about going out, amidst environment being fake and no one interacting.-",

"I mentioned in the past about a double life among us Indian American first generationers. The orchestrators go on and on about ‚going out‚ but if they could see my memories, Indian parents like to keep their kids home.-",

"-You are restricting me from my other life and keeping me as a good Indian kid. They‚re constantly in our business. You say even as an adult‚going out‚ , they‚ll want specifics and a time of return. It‚annoying, and arguing becomes a source of a fight. -",

"-You stay home, to gain the opportunity to spend ur money elsewhere, instead of $2000, for the rent of a decent apartment like The Print House in New Rochelle. You gotta go off TO or STAY IN college as long as possible, far from home, to escape this.-",

"-But sometimes you gotta ask if it‚worth it. So the orchestrators have no outdoor events, family in far off locations...but these stubborn f*, cannot come to the conclusion, after 11 years of failure, that you cannot and do not have a show.",

"and a few normal tweets...",

"If U use a sinus rinse in morning like NeilMeds or Alkalol, I think Navage is littleBetter. As salt can dry ur nose, 2lubricate it, so as 2avoid irritated nostrils w/possible sounds when either inhaling/exhaling, look into/invest in \"Nasya Oil.\" Its from aScience called Ayurveda.",

"If U want a closeShave thats possibly quicker&cleaner than a wetShave w/a typicalRazor, checkOut the Panasonic Electric Shaver. I think its the Arc model. Expensive, but good for a dry shave. Irritated skin? Amazon's \"Freelette\" Cream for pre/after shave is good w/Braun shaver.-",

"Today, going to try the Kiehls Shave \"Lotion\" with my Panasonic Razor, as skin got sensitive from shaving everyday. Hope it works...their aftershave takes care of the sensitivity in like a day...you can get it at Macys...",

"If you get into time and mood to see shaving as an art, the \"Feather\" razor is a quality purchase. I believe its Japanese, and its a straight razor that folds.",

"If anyone is actually nodding in a way of approval or acknowledgment or whatever, through the unbelievable methodology of the corner of my eye, I don‚t know what that means, or why you cannot do that face to face, and tell me why you‚re doing it to begin with.",

"Some great stuff if ur into yoga and meditation: kulae yoga mat (machine washable and pvc free unlike conventional mats), alexia meditation seat (if sitting cross legged for a period is hard), meditation stool to aid in sitting in the position known in yoga as vajrasana.",

"RT @shakira: Get 150 extra entries to join us in Barcelona when you enter with promo code KIND150 by February 18 at 11:59pm PT. And make a

"- I retweeted that, because of how @shakira always looks amazing...wanted that on my profile page...",

May 31st tales and normal tweets from early morning (before 7 AM) right side up (unlike twitter) in blog (tumblr) link below: https://t.co/uqO1soqH1v

"Its June already...another month in \"the situation\"...June 1st tweets...",

"You know, with the exception of one or two cousins, most of my family, maybe because of ‚the situation‚?! Is more loyal (for lack of a better word) to my parents, than me. Such is my revelation over the last 11 years. One cousin I lived close to, in India for a while, -",

"-he‚around my age, and should be a brother I can tell secrets to, or ‚hooks me up.‚Otherwise, he‚a very sincere/caring individual who is a real asset to our family. ‚Hook up‚ as in connect me -",

"- with my kind of women from his multicultural work establishment at TechnoPark or take me to a ‚todi shop‚ , where you get special kind of alcohol and spiced beef in this part of India, so that I can get different taste of life, make a memory, and have life experience. -",

"-He‚attending to my parents desire of keeping me as an individual who prays all day who needs to talk to someone, when that‚one side or nonexistent side to a guy who‚image is facing life‚obstacles in a leather jacket. -",

"-At this age and in my freakin‚ 20‚s, he chooses to be like a parent or uncle worried about what my parents think, or doing what my parents want for me, instead of thinking of what I as an individual need. All instead of being a brother or friend, understanding of me. -",

"-I think he‚d try to talk to me or ask me questions to get information for my parents and this undignified ‚thing‚ of a situation-very brotherly.-",

"-On a different note, I mean, he spends a lot of time knowing his kids, but my parents, no offense to them, don‚t listen to me when I speak because they‚re in a rush to speak or defend, and they don‚t know my likes/interests/hobbies.-",

"-Until recently, my mother didn‚t know my favorite color. She‚stubborn to the point where she won‚t try to learn either.They may have recently found out about such things like likes/interests/hobbies through the eavesdropping/stalking situation. -",

"-I mean, for the sake of a point, while in my very early 30s, it‚only now that I even shared with my mom, and not my dad, that I had two girl friends while in college. Some things like that, you cannot share with Indian parents until things get serious -",

"-and you want to move to the next chapter/adventure. I love my mom and dad, and would die for them and care for them in old age, but they don‚t know much about me. My memories of my mom, for instance, are of her cooking, cleaning, buying me clothes,-",

"-taking me to doctor appointments when sick, and used to paying tuition, and a lot of yelling - actual big things but nothing that requires a heart, it‚a parents duty. I tried telling her that, but no patience. She‚too busy taking it as an insult. -",

"-When Ive had any kind of problem in life outside of getting me a tutor for school or whatever when struggling, I‚ve been on my own. Never helped me with a problem. It‚culturally not allowed to talk to her about problems with a girl friend, fears you may be struggling with,-",

"-or the cherry on top: talking about ‚this situation‚ and its origins. It‚a hard sad d**che bag thing to say, but if I manage to get my own maid, there wouldn‚t be much to reminisce over my mom. -",

"-My dad is too busy philosophizing about family ideals &preaching. I mean he couldn‚t dream of making the religious points I do, or no offense, pray ‚heart fueled‚ prayers in the mind over ‚out-loud‚ mechanical singing/praying out of thinking that makes him a solid human being. -",

"-Both my parents need to listen more and talk less. When I share something I like or about myself with my mom, she‚ll be like, why are you telling me or will hammer @ something while I‚m talking, literally. I mean I tried correcting things with my mom by talking to her about it,-",

"-but you never get through, although forgivable on both sides as and when needed. On a side note, quality of life in India is understood as how religious you are and your spending power. Me using potential rent money on fitness equipment-",

"-and massage guns makes it seem like I have nothing to complain about. It‚adds to my family being unable to admit to problems, when I mention things to do with a life of meaning. Stuff like that gives life experience and teaches you what you want. -",

"-In my girl friend/wife, I need a woman who‚patient, listens, comprehends, and so forth...but back to the point about the cousin...-",

"-I mean, after a certain age, you want friends in ur family. In India, amongst my family, if a relative does a favor like sit with you for a day in mostly silence, at someone else‚suggestion, that means ur best friends.-",

"-All these random formalities and awkwardness arises with genuinely good, sincere people. My best friends are people who ‚do stuff with me or for me‚ and that I can ‚confide in.‚But I guess that‚where you gotta go out and meet people. -",

"-Family can‚t always be as you desire or expect, as life is complicated in its own respective way for everyone, be it through difficult personalities or cultural formalities.People need to find their kinda people to be friends and family. I‚ve heard:-",

"-‚Friends are the brothers and sisters God forgot to give us.‚",

"what else, what else....",

"I don‚t understand how the orchestrators overpower or left me under my parents. For that, do they meet all the criteria for their entertainment? Did anyone do psychological background checks on everyone involved for something as massive as this? -",

"-This could take a toll on my parents when they have to betray their son. This could take a toll on the orchestrators after 11 years of failure and lies. I mean parents‚ culture restricts them from letting me live the normal American life required of the ‚show.‚-",

"-For them, it‚religion all day/everyday(Christian that is). While they‚ve been in the country for 11 years & dealt with non Indian people, do they understand things or see things the way I have the potential of doing? Did they understand the depth & severity of this project?-",

"-&like a lot of minority parents, or parents from elsewhere,or who haven‚t been in America's love dovy way of handling things for generations, despite myParent‚undeniable love4me &willingness 2give me everything b4 this, theyd beat me as a child if I misbehaved/got a badGrade.-",

"-There were instances where my dad, who I don‚t see any less &just doing his job cuz of what Im used to, beat me w/a hanger till my legs turn red. But when American entertainment officials come along yrs later, does this kind of history check out w/ ur possible background check?-",

"-Did the orchestrators do their homework at all? Its amidst this kind of setting, that Ill punch a wall once or throw things twice in 11 years after days of provocation. In our normal lives, do the orchestrators think any of this matters or at least 2 us, as people, as a family?-",

"-For taking eleven years of my life, when I was at my prime, when friends have mine have become lawyers with beautiful couples and children, if I can take that kind of beating and what you did to me through these years along-",

"-with personal hardships and growth, wait till you see what I do to you, one by mine. Riches and glamour can‚t replace 11 years of torment. -",

"-Life is great, but between the orchestrators and me, it‚kind of like Jefferson Pierce in final few episodes of Black Lightning against Tobias Whale for killing his father and tormenting his family. Jefferson has a life with super powers. But when he loses them, -",

"-he faces Tobias in a showdown, where he accepts the possibility of death. I am willing to lose everything and end up on the street to see the orchestrators rot in jail for persisting, carelessly, in what is, my life.-",

"-You messed up my youth, my family, my chance at a 4.0 gpa education, the resulting career opportunities, my health, social opportunities, putting me through the indignity of having my world basically on team on speaking terms against me who they never talk to...-",

"- all for an America that I once compared to heaven because of its potential for altruism and representation from all over. Do the orchestrators realize what they set up today I had already without them years ago? Way to steal my life on \"multiple levels.\"-",

"-Enjoy the rest of our time together, orchestrators. U, the orchestrators, cowards, hide behind high end tech &possible authority figures or government contracts, but when we‚re face 2face, provoke me in person, I dare you, as urself, &me as me, not you doing ur weird mind cr*p.-",

"-Let‚see if the orchestrators have the b*lls, before one of us undeniably is guaranteed to go down, whoever it is.",

"moving on ... what else ...",

"I‚m honestly talking about my family and the situation, because after 11 years, through observations and the situation not ending, I‚m convinced no one is actually being honest about me. (I used the word ‚observations‚ in the last sentence.-",

"-Problem with using that word is that the orchestrators will forge the next setting with things for me to pick up on cuz they‚re psychotic and refuse to restore the natural setting and normalcy of my life-natural setting is what I‚ve been after for 11 years...)-",

"-I mean what comes to mind in seeing me without any of this in ur head, while not denying/hiding/ what‚happened to me over these 11+ years?! - THATS THE NATURAL SETTING. ONE directive, ONE instruction...and if taking care of what I‚m after was ur goal, this is it, ur done. -",

"-Doesn‚t require resources or effort on anyone‚part. It‚just people being themselves- natural.-mentioned/repeated multiple times in old complaints.) -",

"so now some normal tweets before I get on with my day...",

"So apparently, a massage gun isn‚t a substitute for foam rolling or stretching...",

"‚Tea tree hair and body moisturizer‚ leave in conditioner is, I think, the greatest hair gel ever. When my hair was thick and long, I used to use tea tree styling wax, topped off with Sebastian potion 9 leave in conditioner...but I really love the tea tree moisturizer...-",

"-the tea tree moisturizer...you can use it on ur hair and skin...wish this stuff existed ages ago...",

"-The kiehls blue eagle shave cream provides a smoother shave 4‚me‚ than their lotion...they have another version that I just want to try: the white eagle version-$7 more...I put ‚me‚ in quotes, cuz it might work for others...i think different men have different kinds of stubble.-",

"-There‚this one guy working at a coffee shop I go to, who‚got to be having the smoothest cleanest shave. You see no stubble. But I mean the concept of shave lotions are nice cuz you can just wipe off when done. -",

"With Shave creams, you gotta wash off, and washing ur face and neck in the sink just gets water everywhere.",

"‚Yogibo Support‚ is good for reading or looking at your phone on your bed. Google it.",

"I‚ve talked about punjabis and pagdiwalas, but that being said, if there are any Guju‚like Ameesha Patel, hit me up.",

"Best combination of an idea: get the DoorDash dash pass free trial for a month and if you have around a $150 rewards from ur credit card, transfer it to DoorDash gift card. It‚ll get you 2 weeks of outside food or restaurant food for breakfast, lunch, dinner. -",

"-Credit card rewards! Take advantage. Nice to use card with benefits-quite an incentive over cash. That‚how I‚ve been ordering food, if that too is part of the ‚entertainment‚, not cuz I‚m loaded. Just a regular guy under 11 years of hype. -",

"-Be natural. React in what comes to mind on seeing me, minus pre-exisitng cr*p in ur head, without hiding/denying the existence of that cr*p.",

June 1st accounts of family friends enemies desire for things to be natural and normal tweets - all right side up on tumblr blog link below: https://t.co/386AQbxvzB

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