#maybe it's just because i was raised conservative. don't take that as me saying i have any kind of loyalty to that side bc that's not it

[nobutseriouslywhat]

Look I hate conservatives just as much as the next guy but I'm deeply uncomfortable with the "you can't reason with them they aren't even people" rhetoric that's really popular on this website. Anyone can be rehabilitated. That doesn't mean everyone will, but anyone can be.

[munsonluhvr]

THE DEAL

pairing: drug dealer!eddie munson x reader

word count: 1.1k

warnings: mentions of drugs/dealing, cussing

author's note (!): I don't know if it should be a nsfw part 2 or sfw? Let me know what you guys would want, please!!!!

installments: part 1 | part 2

You cross your arms across your chest while you sit on the picnic bench. Out in the distance, you see the baseball team making their way onto the field that you sit behind, in the wooded shade. School has just been released and you’re waiting for your weekly appointment. 

You huff, bending over to conserve some of your body heat; the weather had suddenly dipped into a solid chill, which is emphasized by the gusts of wind that whip around. “Why does he always have to be late?” you mutter to yourself, annoyed by having to wait. 

Off to your left you hear the cracking of sticks, and you see the figure of a person walking your way. It was Eddie Munson, the person you were waiting for. 

You stand up, arms still crossed. “Jesus Christ, Eddie. You sure know how to make a girl wait.” The wind blows, tossing your hair around you. Your fingertips dig into your arms as a chill drives through you. 

Eddie coos, shaking his head. “Sorry, y/n. Hellfire Club stuff.” Eddie steps over the roots of trees that are pronounced on the ground, and he makes his way towards you. His eyes grazes over your body and you take notice. “You didn’t have to wait for me.” 

“What was I supposed to do? Leave? You’re the one with the lunchbox full of drugs.” You say sitting back on the picnic bench, tucking your legs in to face the other side. Eddie comes around the picnic benches other side and sits down, placing his black, metal lunchbox on the tabletop with a clank. 

Eddie laughs, unlatching the lunchbox. “That’s right, I know you love what I have.” 

You laugh sarcastically, ignoring his slight sexual reference. “I only like your drugs, let’s not get things twisted.” 

Eddie pauses, putting a hand to his heart. “I’m so deeply hurt, y/n. I thought we were heading places.” 

“The only place I’m headed is home with some weed, now show me what you have today.” You say, lifting up to peek inside his lunchbox. You hadn’t smoked in several days, having run out of your stash earlier than anticipated. You were stressed with school, and you just needed to relax. Today was the only day Eddie could meet you to do your weekly exchange. 

“Fine, fine,” Eddie says, plucking a few small, plastic bags from the container. “How much do you want?” 

“An ounce, maybe two?” You say, watching Eddie’s ring-covered fingers fiddle with the bags. 

Eddie looks at you, frowning. “That’s more then you usually get.” 

“Yeah, well I have more stress then I usually have right now.” You say, propping your elbow up on the tabletop. Eddie combines one bag of weed into another, estimating that there was close to two ounces in the small, clear bag. 

“Want to talk about it?” Eddie says, looking at you curiously. 

You scoff, rolling your eyes. “Did you go from drug dealer to therapist? Not a chance. How much?” 

Eddie eyes the bag, lifting it up into yours’s and his eyesight. “How about thirty-five, I added a little discount for all your stress you’re going through.” 

“Don’t patronize me,” you say, leaning forward to slide your hand into your pants pocket. “Some discount, by the way. You took off, like, three dollars.” You pull out the money Eddie requests, splaying out the bills in front of him. 

“I’ll raise it back to nearly forty if you want since my discount means nothing to you. I also gave it to you because you happen to be my favorite customer.” Eddie says, putting his elbow on the tabletop and resting his chin into his palm. 

You roll your eyes again, moving the paper bills towards Eddie. “Oh, I’m sure. I count down the days until I see you again.” You say, taking the plastic bag from Eddie. “Isn’t Chrissy Cunningham one of your clients now? You’ve always liked her.” 

Eddie closes his metal lunch box, locking it swiftly. “Oh, y/n. Chrissy Cunningham has nothing on you.” 

You scoff, tucking the plastic bag into your jacket pocket. You swing your legs over the bench seat, moving to stand up. “Goodbye, Eddie,” you say, tossing a glance at Eddie. 

“Wait, wait, wait.” Eddie says, leaping up from his seat to follow you. “I actually had something to ask you.” Eddie slings an arm over your shoulder, bringing your side into him. 

You look over at Eddie, slightly amused by his confidence to get physically close to you. “And what is that, Munson?” You walk side-by-side out of the woods, Eddie’s arm still around your shoulders, and you catch his scent which smells lightly of cologne and cigarette smoke. Your eyes flutter at the scent. 

“I was thinking,” Eddie says with a pause. You hum for him to continue. “-That we should do our little weekly deal at my house next time. Perhaps you could stay longer afterwards, and we could hangout or something.” 

You feel a smirk coming across your mouth. You and Eddie had been somewhat friendly, always taking pleasure in sarcastic, playful banter but by no means were you friends. You had friends in common and had been in the same classes at some points. When you picked up smoking, you were referred to Eddie by your friends and you began to frequently meet Eddie to buy from him. Seldom did you dive deep into conversation with Eddie, you only delved into surface level conversations, the common simple pleasantries. Only recently did Eddie begin to linger a little longer, silently requesting for you to stay in his presence a little longer and share little pieces of information about yourself. 

“Or something?” you say with a laugh. “Are you trying to fuck me, Munson?” 

Eddie lets go of your shoulders, his eyes growing wide and his cheeks growing pink. “No, that’s not what I meant.” Eddie catches himself becoming embarrassingly flustered and tries to regain his composure. “Unless that’s what you want.” 

You playfully shove Eddie with another laugh. “You wish, Eddie.”

Eddie laughs, coming back to stand next to you. “No, really, I just thought it would be nice to get to know each other outside of the few minutes we meet a week. If you’re interested.” 

You hum again, folding the thought over in your head. Eddie seemed like a nice enough person. He’s edgy and interesting, always seeming to have a flock of freshmen that admire him. Sure, there’s rumors about him and what his club get up to but aren’t there rumors about everyone? You decide to see what Eddie Munson is all about. “Sure,” you say. “Next week, same day and time?”

Eddie nods, glancing at you with a smile on his face. “Yeah, I can drive you over to my house if you want.” 

You nod, glancing over at him too. You catch his eyes and for the first time you really look into them; they’re pretty and brown. “Great. I’ll meet you in the parking lot.” 

[treeofnonsense]

So I'm going to preface this by saying: I am cis as all hell. I'm not any form of trans or nonbinary, I have never been any form of trans or nonbinary, and thus I tend to stay pretty quiet on that front over here. Ain't my place to tell people who know better what to do, and I'm not trying to do that here. However, after having made a lot of friends under the trans umbrella, after being lucky enough to have some of those friends share with me some of their struggles, their joys, their lives, and after noticing a couple of patterns in their journeys... I think there is one message I would like to share that may help some of you to hear, if you'll give me a minute of your time, and I think it may have to come specifically from a cis person.

The message is this: If your cisgender friends are good friends, you being your true self is not a burden to them.

For the people in the back: If your cisgender friends are good friends. You being your true self with gender. Is not a burden to them.

I didn't know my friend in high school was trans until he transitioned socially and I heard his new name. He didn't tell me first because I was raised fundamentalist Christian and probably did not look like a safe person to tell; when I pulled him aside in class so no one else could hear us, told him he could tell me to buzz off if he was uncomfortable, and politely asked for confirmation on pronouns, I remember the surprise and joy on his face. It took me about five minutes of chanting his new name and pronouns in the shower to get it to stick in my brain. That tiny amount of effort was nothing compared to seeing him pull himself out of the depressive funk dysphoria had put him in, of celebrating senior year when he legally changed his name, of drawing him a snowflake dragon for Christmas and hiding the trans flag colors in the shimmer of the ice so it would get past our conservative school's radar. We became closer friends after he came out because I knew him better and he knew he could trust me. He got me my first ace ring. I was not only supporting him, but learning from him, and sharing in his joy.

The genderfluid roommate in college took me a little longer to adapt to, I'll be honest, I was still learning, but hey - it turns out it's not really that hard to check the pronoun pins on a lanyard before you address someone. It's pennies when that person comes along to teach you the wonders of thrift shopping and takes you to meet a drag queen for the first time. I've met so many people online whose identities I do not always intuitively understand, but who I support anyway, and who have made me consider so many new things. It's not a burden to know about my friends' journey when it comes to gender, it's a privilege to know them more deeply and be trusted in that way. It's a new dimension to this person I already love, that's all.

Look, I am not saying that all your cis friends are going to be perfect, that we're not going to fuck up occasionally because we don't know better or we had a bad day, that we understand everything - we're not, we will, and we don't. I am not saying that everyone is a safe person to talk to either - god knows that's not true, unfortunately. But. If your worry about expressing yourself is of being a nuisance, of burdening someone with your problems or needs, of being too much or too out-there or too confusing, consider this: Your friends may not only be willing to learn and help you, they may be happy to. In a true friendship, both people benefit from one person's joy. If you're happy because you're able to be your honest self, they'll be happy too. Suddenly that weird shyness and sadness they saw from you but didn't know the cause of has gone away. Heck, maybe they'll learn from you and start following in your genderfunky footsteps. Or maybe you'll just have a cis friend who texts you celebration emojis when you have a good gender day, or is there when you wake up from surgery, or goes shopping for new outfits with you, or even brings over ice cream when you're having a hard time. And then you both get ice cream. Come on. This is what friends do.

Be safe, of course. Trust your judgment when it comes to sharing information. But if you're simply scared, try to balance out the fear of what you may lose with the thought of what you may also stand to gain. Don't let the anxiety beast turn your identity into a problem. It's not a burden, it's a part of you, and the people who love you will love to meet it.

[saintsenara]

I’m curious why you loathe the implication that wizards are immune to muggle diseases. Is it because it reinforces the idea that they aren’t really the same species as muggles?

thank you very much for the ask, @urupotter!

and the answer is - yes, pretty much.

how the body is understood, how illness and disability are thought about, how the medical system works etc. are all questions that i am primed to obsess over in any piece of media - even when they're not actually significant parts of the story.

which is to say, i completely understand the reason why the harry potter series treats these topics in the way it does. magical medicine isn't one of the themes the story is designed to focus on - which means that its purpose is as incidental worldbuilding detail which reinforces the whimsical vibe of the earlier books and the darker vibe of the later ones, and which means that its treatment in the text makes sense within the setting and genre conventions of canon. harry being able to take a bludger - a cast-iron cannonball moving at speed - to the head and living to tell the tale is the same as john wick being able to fall from a great height, land on his back, and then get up and walk around: he's an action hero in a fantasy.

and so wizards being more physically durable than muggles - and also wizards having their own magical diseases, and being immune to muggle ones - all makes sense within the context of the books as literature. kids don't want to read about harry having a cold. they want to read about him being a wizard.

but when i'm deciding to enjoy myself by taking the question of just how fucked-up wizarding society is much more seriously than canon does... the implication that wizards are immune to muggle diseases and that they are broadly unaffected by physical trauma unless that trauma has a magical cause really bothers me. entirely - as you say - because it directly undermines the series' thesis that the purity of magical blood is irrelevant and that the wizarding world's dehumanisation of muggles and muggleborns by treating them as, essentially, separate, lower species is wrong.

the main canon example of this which i detest is dumbledore's suggestion in half-blood prince that merope gaunt could have survived childbirth if she'd simply "raised her wand to save her own life". after all, if a little bit of magic makes one immune to experiencing complications during childbirth [unlike thousands upon thousands of muggles throughout history, who would probably have very much liked to have lived to see their children grow up]... then voldemort is completely justified in thinking merope's death was a selfish, shameful, deliberate choice.

[i do understand that the idea merope chose to die is primarily included in the text so dumbledore can segue into saying that lily "had a choice too", contributing to the gradual reveal in half-blood prince and deathly hallows that she's the key to the whole mystery. but i still think that jkr could maybe have though a little bit harder about what she was suggesting with this than she evidently did...]

and so i think in fandom it's both fun and important not to accept the idea that wizards are automatically resistant to anything which might kill, injure, or disable a muggle - especially because it lets us really play with some of the big worldbuilding questions surrounding the conventions and institutions of wizarding society.

what do disability rights look like in a world which is so rabidly intolerant of difference, and which appears not to have any sort of welfare state? the nhs is a recent invention, created in a muggle britain which is culturally and institutionally separate from the wizarding one: so is treatment at st mungo's free - and, if not, what happens to those who can't pay? how is queerness understood in a society which appears to have views on sexual expression which are fairly conservative - and how does this mean the wizarding state responded to the aids crisis? what do reproductive rights look like in this kind of society? if the dementor's kiss results in - essentially - a vegetative state, what is done with the people the kiss has been performed on? what might it be like for your relative to develop dementia at 100... when you know they might live to 250? what impact do biases about blood status have on how muggleborn patients are treated?

i just think it's interesting!

[usaigi]

Modern Blue Lions headcanons

Dimitri

Has difficulties with fine motor skills following the car accident that killed his family and Glenn. Has to use accommodating tools like specific silverware and a laptop to take notes in class. Kids used to be jealous that he got use a laptop in class but he just wanted to be normal

Regular member of his school GSA but everyone assume he's just a straight ally because look at him. Look at his hair. He's straight. His classmates don't discover he's actually bi until a week before graduation when they see him kiss Felix

Also a regular member of the BIPOC solidarity club. Dimitri, Dorothea, Ashe and Constance are the token white allies.

(mental health spiraling) "haha puberty/hormones :) No need to discuss these new symptoms with anyone, it's just normal teenager things" (it is not normal teenage things)

Annette

banned from home ec after starting a fire while making a salad... She's was trying to make homemade croutons...

girl ADHD :)

she got a B on a chem test one and cried about it for 2 days straight

"Maybe if I get all A and get this many awards and get this many scholarships, my dad will love me :)" (girl.. :( )

Frenemies with Lysithea. They're buddies until it's time for exams. Then it's war. There can only be one valedictorian. (death note's "I'll take a potato chip and eat it" songs plays in the background)

Olivia Rodrigo stan

Sylvain

Hasn't said "okay i'm sorry that I looked at Mrs Riley and lightly grazed her left tit" but has said that exact same thing

friend with a car. "yeah we can all fit into my Audi; Annette and Ashe are tiny, just squeeze in and pretend you like each other. We can stick Felix in the trunk" "I'll kill you."

He's in Lacross AND theatre. Ice hockey AND Ice dancing and figure skating. He can do both, he's bisexual

Has to pick between a major sport game and his theatre show. His dad wants him to follow his dream and do the game but Sylvain is getting ready to tell him "no dad i'm giving up your dream." He backs out. He goes to the game.

"You got a perfect score on the college entrance exams?" "Why is it hard?" (he studied so much)

Ingrid

"Gay people are real??? They don't just exist in San Francisco and on Glee???" /gen confusion. Not in a homophobic way, she's just raised in a conservative environment and instead of going on the internet, she hangs out with her horses (Just wait till she finds out about trans people)

When her family was going through a particularly hard financial time, her friends started packing extra lunch. They all know she doesn't accept handouts but Ingrid will never say no to leftovers.

So chronically offline. Who's Billie Eilish? What's Succession? What is Rizz?? They're making another Spider-Man movie!?

Dedue

Vice-president of the BIPOC solidarity club. The school gives them club money and he uses it to make food for the members.

"..." "Go on" "Down with... gringo?" *Claude, Petra, Felix, Cyril, Hapi, Constance, Dimitri, Ashe and Dorothea all clap*

Football/Basketball/Hockey couches keep trying to recruit him. He just wants to garden.

(Tw racism and ref to violence to poc men) "I don't want to antagonist white people. As a large brown man, I'm already perceived as a threat." "That's ok! Your safety comes first. I got this," Dorothea says as she throws eggs at someone's car with a confederate flag.

Mercedes

"I'm joining the war on liberation theology on the side of liberation theology."

"Mercedes! Can you explain your tardiness?" "Forgive me, professor, I was at morning mass." (She was. But she's late because she stop to smoke a blunt.)

In her most angelic, big sister voice, "fuck TradCaths 😊"

Somehow still failing her religious studies class

(tw cults and implied anti semitic conspiracy) Raised in a religious cult where her step dad was the leader until she and her mom escaped. Because of this, did not know Jewish people were real. "I knew they were people in the bible but all I knew was [redact]" (Don't worry, she knows better now that she's not in a literal cult)

Felix

"I fucking hate my dad" "why? Is it cause he didn't accept you being queer/trans?" "No, he was cool with that. He's just fucking annoying."

"Ingrid, what the hell, I'm literally trans. You know this. We've been friends since we were in diapers." "Oh. I forgot." "YOU FORGOT!?"

Wasian. (tw sui joke) @ Dimitri and Sylvain "stop joking about killing yourself--you're appropriating my culture, assholes."

Secret Olivia Rodrigo fan. He only listens to her music on youtube + incognito mode. Only Annette knows. Annette manages to get them concert tickets were they run into Lysithea.

Ashe

Spider-Man stan on main. Somehow he convinces Dedue to be his Ned Leeds to his Peter Parker for Halloween

He knows Ingrid would like the MCU if she watched it, but she's scared of needing to watch 10000 movies

*slaps Ashe's back* You can pack so much anxiety in this guy

Started school in the middle of the year because he's a foster kid. Rumors started spread about him being a harden criminal because he went to juvie. He keeps tries to correct them and say he's never been but Caspar keeps fueling the rumors

"Caspar! Stop telling people I went to juvie! That never happened!" "...You... lied to me? :(" "You made it up!" "Oooh. Right."

[cipheramnesia]

Today I am asking myself why do I like Terrifier and Terrifier 2. There doesn't have to be a reason for it, and I struggle to find any merit to them other than the dubious quality, inventiveness, and excess of the gore and violence. Maybe that's it, and probably that is literally all there is to the movies - fans all say as much. And if your only thoughts on Terrifier are "I hate that shitty movie," honestly that's fair, more than reasonable, but this post isn't for you so kindly skip along by.

But also the movies don't hit for me in the same way as a bloody rollercoaster ride movie does. For some reason I am unable to comprehend, my mind is insisting the movies are good on an artistic level - my brain insists there is artistic merit, although it steadfastly refuses to disclose what that might be. This isn't an endorsement, by the by, the Terrifier movies are extreme in a way apart from even the French Extremity movement or the whole torture trap Saw era from the USA.

Although in some ways that may be a part of what makes the movies something more than graphic violence alone. They are unpleasant in a way that is malicious - a naked cruelty which in a perverse way is a form of open honesty speaking to truth. There is no detachment from the violence, no easy way to disconnect from it as some sort of mechanical function or take it in as a part of a story. Art the Clown embodies such a totality of unrelenting and unchecked cruelty that it comes around as confusingly refreshing, because it is so rare for any media to be so graphically violent without attempting some framing of the harm - even if only as a plot point. It's masochistic to watch but in a more literal kink way. The Terrifier movies are a safe space to engage with senseless violence and cruelty, to experience the emotional impact of the idea of an uncaring world design only to cause pain, and then to be able to safely leave this mental space physically intact, better equipped for the real world which by nature is not nearly so malicious as Terrifier. Cathartic in the same way as it can be to get whipped or beaten, followed by care and caressing. Maybe.

All that under consideration, a throwaway line from a review has raised a second consideration for me: Are these movies camp? They are wildly exaggerated performances which incorporate large amounts of generally discarded pop culture on purpose. They deliberately incorporate the cheap aesthetics of low budget video nasties, grindhouse movies, and direct to video 80s horror. Everything about Art the Clown and his violent acts is severely over the top from his facial features to his makeup to his mannerisms which are those of a mime rather than a clown. I think it's arguable that the Terrifier movies go beyond simply utilizing a retro aesthetic into performing a kind of horror drag - dressing up in the clothes of the 70s-80s but elevating the content into a hyper-grotesque persona that's almost like everything the film censors and critics from that era thought such movies actually were. It's a movie that purposefully becomes the kind of monster conservatives always imagine about horror, just to throw that right in their face. It is, I think, very arguably camp in how much it is purposefully over the top and self-indulgent about what the vast majority of people would (often rightly) dismiss as artless trash.

Which leads me back around to asking myself if I truly believe what I've written, or if I'm merely trying to find an internal and artistic justification for liking violent and misogynistic horror flicks with nothing of else of substance.

[icarusbetide]

the time my friend argued that jefferson would be a raging capitalist today

questions along the vein of "would this founding father be a democrat or a republican", etc. etc. are impossible to answer for a lot of reasons - 18th century politics don't match up nicely with our idea of left or right. even if we really really dumb it down to big gov, small gov; manufacturing vs. farming; it gets complicated. throw in modern issues and it's a whole other deal entirely. and obviously if they were resurrected and dropped into this world today they would be so overwhelmed and irrelevant it doesn't even matter.

but as someone who believes environment has a huge impact on people, i do wonder what they would be like if they were born and raised in today's world. how many political convictions or personality traits are going to translate directly?

my fellow history geek who studies economics had a really interesting argument about hamilton and jefferson. (all of this is based off of the assumption that they were born and raised in the modern era. this was a stupid conversation we had while procrastinating, don't take it too seriously!)

Hamilton:

obviously based on history, the first thing i said is that hamilton would be a wall street capitalist dude. but my friend said that you could make a (simple, rough) argument that his economic policies were radical for the time, moving away from the existing more mercantile structure. if we're going by solely what's considered radical today, it's a different picture. and he made the point that hamilton had a focus on energetic, involved government - very clearly clashing with fiscal conversative values of free markets and reduced debt, etc. so even if we translated him as a capitalist, it wouldn't be purely fiscal libertarian/conservative.

he wasn't by any means a destitute rags to riches story, but he did face quite a lot of early trauma and prejudice. illegitimacy and being west indian aren't as stigmatized in today's world - but if he still goes through similar experiences in a modern context, in a world less bound to enlightenment ideals? my friend (again over simplistically, he wants me to emphasize that) said "okay. let's say we translate that struggle to him being raised by a single mom and a deadbeat dad, with an immigrant status? he faces the problems in the existing structures, maybe the foster system? and if we accept that he might have had feelings for john laurens, that's probably going to affect him heavily; in today's world i can see him being more of a left-leaning person politically."

we both hesitantly agreed that given some of his qualities, childhood experience, etc. the fanfics that depict a modern hamilton to be at least liberal might not be too off? he'd still be a realist, wary of perceived demagogues, etc. and always fighting on twitter. my friend very strongly made the case that "just because he created and backed a capitalist financial system in the 1700s doesn't mean he would be right-wing now. simplifying but if he genuinely believed that his plans back then would improve the lives of americans, then he might see the system we have today and hate it. because it's not working: we're falling behind in a lot of important statistics; hamilton had negative qualities for sure but i do think he was genuine in trying to find what he thought would actually improve people's lives. he wasn't entirely motivated by money, right? he cut off his other incomes as treasury secretary? yes he was ambitious but he wanted to get things done. if anything, he'd see the ineffectiveness of a whole bunch of crap happening today and hate that."

he also thinks that because hamilton dedicated a lot to working on systems (both federal governmental and economic, perhaps the two most controversial and important ones at that time) it's valid (given that earlier childhood translation as well) that he'd be very interested in social programs and economic programs today. less of the federal government thing since that's more set in stone.

so his tldr: "i know it seems like presentism and wishful thinking for me to say that modern hamilton might've been left-leaning, but i really do think it's a possibility, if we translate some of his experiences to our world. there are other founders i'd argue that would be much more conservative and or capitalist. please don't attack me."

me: "wait who do you think would be the raging capitalist?"

him: "Jefferson. if we assume he's born into a rich, rich, prestigious family today - chances are he's the son of a ceo or some corporation. and that isn't exactly old money but you can argue that any colonist family is less old money compared to the actual british nobility. and how far back is old money? if it was his grandfather who struck it big then he's still got that trust fund kid energy. so in a way, we could argue that he'd actually be the raging capitalist, probably still wanting a smaller government but for the free market and tax cuts."

this was hilarious because i focused in on his ability to hone into what the public wants to hear, and thought he'd be one of those hipster, seemingly social justice warrior people who still harbor a great amount of elitism and hypocrisy.

my friend pointed out that both can be true. he can be like kendall roy and tweet "we must overthrow the culture of corruption that silences women" while being a piece of shit with a crazy family.

you'll probably notice that this is entirely speculatory, and a lot of it is based on vibes. and we made a lot of logical jumps in terms of translating influential experiences at that time to something equivalent in the modern day. this isn't scholarly or well justified in any way - we aren't trying to prove anything but it's fun to see what aspects of their personalities we pull out. how hilarious is it to consider a hamilton raging against the financial systems and structures of america while jefferson supports big corporations or whatnot?

[loserlvrss]

꒰ 𝐒𝐖𝐄𝐄𝐓𝐁𝐈𝐓𝐓𝐄𝐑 ꒱ 王奕翔

summary : jihye has been in an unrequited love with nicholas since seven years old. come one random february day of their senior year, and she confesses for the sake of her sanity

genre : fluff, non-idol!nicholas x original character, childhood-friends to lovers tws : language, weird plot (idk either), kiss author notes : scarce &team content on this app word count : 3.7k

a sigh escaped the girl's mouth, as she readjusted the bag over her shoulders. the winter air was just starting to become bearable once again, with spring on its way. however, the light breeze still made the girl bury her face into the oversized scarf wrapped around her neck, as if she was a turtle threatening to hide in its shell.

"you know," a voice caught her attention as she pulled the sleeves down over her mitten-less hands, "you don't have to wait here every morning for me."

into view came her bestfriend of almost twelve years, nicholas. his sharp eyes looked down at her, before he took the corners of her coat-collar and pulled them closer than they already were, jolting her body forward. she yelped in protest, grabbing onto the man’s elbows to steady herself. but, underneath her skin, roses bloomed a pasty red, followed by goosebumps at his contact.

to everyone at the seoul highschool the two attended, they were the inseparable pair. fate had always been on their side, putting the two in the same class every year, so their schedules would align, ultimately making the two grow closer than they otherwise would have solely being neighbors.

"and risk losing my position in the hierarchy," she replied, looking him up and down, studying the way his black-hair was perfectly parted in the trendy curtain-bang that recent kpop idols had made resurface. "i'd rather drop out of school."

"you'd rather do that than even go in the first place, it's not much of a threat."

her eyes narrowed playfully, and he took her side, "very funny, nicho."

the blush deepened under his gaze, though she was prepared to fight the claim with just being cold. though, even if he noticed every time, he never said anything, and jihye couldn’t tell if it relived her or annoyed her more.

the peaceful walk to school was lined with slightly frosty trees and the sing-song chirping of the remaining city birds. barely any cars were out this early in the day, most parked at their owners occupations or residences still. it was only about to be seven forty-five, the sun just beginning to rise and replace the dim moonlight of dawn.

a fondness overcame the girl as a gust of chilly air brushed between the pair. she honestly wanted to daydream they were the leads in a romantic movie though, she knew he wasn't thinking the same.

jihye looked over to nicholas, who was removing one of the airpods he'd put in just before they started their punctual walk to school.

"jihye," he stated, audibly clicking the top back on the case. he then shoved his hands in the pockets of his coat and raised his shoulders in an attempt to conserve body-heat, "can i tell you something?"

"what if i said no?" but, her heart picked up pace in anticipation.

he laughed, "you wouldn't dare."

"then why did you ask?"

"because, it's the nice thing to do," he started, taking a pause to seemingly collect his thoughts, "and besides, maybe you would say no one of these days." though, he had no idea that she’d never in a million years say that word to him.

jihye felt her phone vibrate inside her pocket, cursing whoever it was for ruining his moment. she weaved through her coffee-colored trench-coat until the piece of machinery touched her fingertips.

nicholas took a step back, metaphorically, as he heard the familiar ringtone literally buzz straight to his ears. he waited for the girl to pull it out, looking at the contact that said grandma, embellished with a white heart. she gave him an apologetic but irritated smile, and brought the phone to her ear.

"no, i left with nicho already — like every morning." he couldn't make out the replies from the mumbling on the other end, only hearing what jihye said and trying to piece the rest together. "grandma, i leave every morning at the same time. i can't turn around now, i’ll see you after school... yes, yes. i'll pick up your medication on my way."

jihye hung up the phone with another deep-sigh after spewing i love you's down it a couple of times. then it made its way back into her coat, and she looked at nicholas, apologizing for the interruption and telling him to continue.

per contra of his desires, by the time he was about to begin again, the stone-building came into view. the bustling of teenagers running past, and getting ready for class being too much of a distraction to keep his mind on-track. he told her he would just wait until after school, because it, quote-on-quote, wasn't that important but, jihye’s heart raced on still.

the cliché chatter of the school corridor filled the pair's ears, and eventually jihye broke from her other-half and stopped by her friend’s locker before they’d make their way to their respective classes.

actually, jihye wasn't even sure if her athlete friend would show up to school today; mostly because the coach of her fencing team had made a deal with the principal some time back, and now she didn't have to attend class if she keeps her rank above (or, really, below) ten.

it was always a gamble, but eventually she saw the naturally crimson-cheeked girl skip to put her things away.

"jihye!" she was always awfully cheery — deemed as so by her peers — a bright smile plastered to her features, "what are you doing here?"

"an i not allowed to see you, mijoo?" jihye replied, resting her arm against the blue-painted metal, "we're friends, and this is the first time you’ve been here all week."

"it's only wednesday!"

jihye pouted her lips, "i'm also not allowed to miss you?"

"i guess i am better than spending every waking second with nicholas."

jihye shied away from her friend. the image of him flashing through her mind like a picture book written only for her, "i do not spend every second with him."

"damn near," she retorted jokingly, 'if i didn't know any better i'd think you guys were already dating." instinctively, jihye's hand shot out and hit her friend, who proceeded to playfully swat back until they were both giggling, “honestly, just make out already.”

"i'd rather bite his lips off." the girl exchanged a knowing-glance as her reply, shutting the locker loudly, though nothing much was heard over the sounds from the rest of the hall, "i've known him for too long… that thought is, i don't know -- "

she hummed in dissatisfaction, “that's kinky, jihye." she joked, turning and mirroring her lean against the locker, "you probably know him better than anyone, if anything, wouldn't it only make sense that he’d eventually fall in love with you? there's no way he hasn't seen the hearts you shoot at him with every glance."

it was true, she probably knew him better than anyone, but it was also a two-way street because no one knew jihye the way nicholas could claim he did. so, it would make sense, however jihye would never admit to being the juliet to his unrequited-romeo.

"i don’t want it to ruin our friendship," she sighed out in reply, “what if we break up? besides, he probably likes someone else. i’m just being delusional, mijoo — tell me i am.”

"you know, i’d never pass up that opportunity and, i may be a lot of things, but a liar isn’t one — except that one time… or that other time." mijoo threw her hands out to cut herself off, smirking, “besides the point! i'm not blind! from an outside perspective, i see the longing looks.”

jihye rolled her eyes, exchanging her goodbye's instead of arguments and began to walk away. mijoo continued spewing out more to the back of the girl’s head. "do something before someone else does! and, someone else will, jihye!"

the words rang in the back of her head, echoing like a bad rumor. it's something jihye has always known would happen: nicholas would get a girlfriend, a wife, a life — without her. though they had promised to marry each other under the pillow-fort the two had messily made at the age of seven. they were almost nineteen now. almost adults now. the reality was that nothing as innocent as that would last forever, and it will break her little seven-year-old-heart into pieces once faced with the arch of that bridge.

throughout the day, she'd not forgotten about mijoo's comments, or nicholas' awaited confession, despite her attempt to have her focus locked on the midterms that were coming up quickly. jihye was the third best in her class, which didn’t go hand in hand with her hatred for school, but she planned on moving up a place or two with this coming exam season.

on the contrary nicholas wasn't top or last, only average in comparison to the girl his name is constantly attached to. however, he still never had to try very hard to impress the people — mostly women — he'd come across. he never dated any of them, but his looks were enough for them to instantly be infatuated, whereas his manners made the older folk swoon. all around, people deemed the man straight out of a drama they swear they've already seen before.

after school had let out, jihye made her way from the building. walking across the street to quietly wait until nicholas met her on the bench. she hugged the coat around her body, making sure the bottom half laid over her tights-covered legs. she watched the door open and close a couple of times, every one making her heart pick up an irregular pattern.

eventually, nicholas came hustling out the door, it swinging against and testing the hinges strength. jihye cringed as the boy carelessly ran over the frosted pavement, only stopping once he reached the red-walking-sign at the edge of the car-filled street.

he waved stupidly at the girl, as if she hadn't noticed him running towards her quickly. the action caused jihye to smile like a dork in return, as she was literally not mentally capable of holding it back.

the squeak of breaks audibly cued the slowing of the cars, and nicholas bounced eagerly for his right to cross. the signal then changed to green, and he practically jumped from one end of the crosswalk to the other. her anxiety and heart rate rose further when the boy slipped, catching his balance before he had a chance to become acquainted with the floor.

he laughed, stumbling the rest of the way and rocking her to the side slightly when he harshly sat next to her. she looked to him annoyed, but reality was that she relieved he hadn't actually fallen.

"you're gonna kill me one of these days," she held the back of her neck jokingly, scolding the man who happened to be older than her by a couple of months, "please, be careful."

"it's not my fault that i'm excited to see you." he sulked in her direction, nudging her shoulder with his own, "you missed me too, don't lie."

too?

jihye shook her head, turning her nose to the air in protest. he whined lowly in annoyance, and leaned into the side of her face. she held her breath, the feeling of his against her skin instilling shivers down her spine. she awaited his next move, him planting a light kiss on the side of her cheek in retaliation. he's done it before, and usually she could keep the roses at bay, but the words mijoo had said came rushing back like a midsummer tide. her face instantly got hot at the thought and she shied away, hiding her features into the scarf she was now more than glad she wore this morning.

jihye choked the feeling back, causing a lump in her throat and a faster heart rate that made her nauseous. she got from the bench abruptly, leaving the man with a confused expression.

"i almost forgot," she played it off, hoping her voice sounded as smooth to him as it did in her own ears. "my grandmother's medication. go ahead without me, nicho. i'll meet up with you later to study."

nicholas' eyebrows rose, "i'll just walk with you, i wasn't going to study anyways."

she knew it was useless to try and fight with the man who had no regard — idea — of her desire to clear her head from his previous behavior. he had his own ideals and morals. she knew full-well that he would never really allow her to walk alone, despite his implication this morning for her to do just that.

the inside of her cheek found the undersides of her molars, and she ground down slightly, trying to suppress another grin.

"fine, let's go fast."

"can we get something to eat?"

she huffed, looking up to the man who was dead-serious. "you're hungry? did you skip lunch again?"

"you're not?" he voiced in disbelief, "well, in that case, neither a — ”

a growing guilt inside her cut him off, "get something for my grandmother too."

he looked off as he pondered for a bit, "i already was." he stated matter-of-factly, "i'll also get something for you, jihye. it's a date."

said girl stumbled, blinking like a fish a few times. her throat was dry, and she questioned why her palms started sweating in the low temperatures of early february.

she brushed it off as mijoo getting into her head, convincing her of something that was so fairytale-like that it wouldn't ever become a reality outside of a story books she’d read as a kid.

her mouth fell open, contorting into a mock-disgusted face, "don't ever say that shit to me again. ew, i don't wanna imagine you like that."

she lied. that’s all she ever catches herself doing.

he smirked, pausing his steps as she continued forward, "why not?" jihye's body jolted in shock, and she stopped dead in her tracks. hesitantly, she turned to face him, but wouldn't meet his eyes no matter how hard he bore his own into her.

"if you don't want to imagine me like that, they why were you blushing? why won't you look at me now?"

her stomach twisted with his words. truthfully, she has seen him in that light for a long time — and, he looked beautiful. too beautiful. he always captured her attention, finding a way to consume her thoughts until they all basically belonged to him.

rent-free was an understatement.

"do you secretly hate me?" he joked, beginning to walk again, like he hadn't just flustered his bestfriend. “we’ve been together for twelve years and you’re only going to tell me now that you actually despise my presence.”

maybe he didn’t mean what he said to her at seven years old, but it was hard to forget in jihye’s mind. and, an innocent crush was the outcome; but, jihye and everyone knew it would be cliché for the two to end up together, so in middle school she swallowed it down until eventually she could look at him the same every day. only allowing her mind to, more than occasionally, flutter into a daydream or three.

her drowning-fondness for him faded into the background noise, and with much convincing the butterflies retreated. she felt a chill run up her body, and hugged her arms around herself before walking quickly to catch up with him.

“i do hate your presence — hate for you to find out this way, nicho.” she shrugged.

“yet, you still use that nickname.” he cooed, slowing his speed to match jihye’s subconsciously, “you love me.”

“you should be honored i even tolerate you, love is a stretch.”

jihye swallowed thickly before pushing on with confident steps, a march he tried to keep up with. she questioned the reality of the situation, the reality of the feelings that grew deeper since this morning — and every morning — she tried to calculate the probability and, the bittersweet-truth laced her own mind, wrapping around her constricted heart.

“jihye,” nicholas had stopped again, rippling into effect as she did too. he stared down at her through eyes that she pretended shot hearts her way, “i never got to tell you that thing this morning.”

she let her arms fall to her sides, the sleeves dangling over her oddly-warm hands. another breeze passed between them, nicholas veering every-so-slightly closer to the girl.

it was now nearing six-thirty, the sun slowly beginning to lower to allow room for its soulmate to shine. the streetlights were seconds from their synced illumination.

“what is it?”

he stared for a while, looking right through her when all she wanted was for him to be looking right at her. then, her heart picked another irregular pace once she realized the vicinity they happened to be in. her mind wanted to take a step back but, her heart had stronger control.

her emotions were overwhelming her, and she hated feeling so out of synch with herself. she knew that he jokingly flirted, knowing or not, the effect he had over her. however, she always knew how to overcome it… until this damned day.

maybe she hadn’t realized how badly she had fallen for him, in between calling him her bestfriend and pretending to be over him.

but the tide was strong, and she feared going down with the ship more than anything.

their friendship, in jihye’s eyes, was the most important thing on her list of priorities. she didn’t want to ripple it — or worse, rip it to shreds. she wasn’t sure how to live without him, and truthfully, she never wanted to learn.

it was an ultimatum she feared leaning too far to either side on. so, until the day he hypothetically fessed up, she was convinced she had to swallow her own heart-wrenching ache for him.

well, she was trying to, at least.

he opened his mouth a few seconds before any words even came out, “never mind.” he finally said. and, to say the least, if drove jihye up the nearest wall, “it’s not important. i don’t even really remember.”

she scoffed, her prior strength blowing away with the breeze, earning an amused look from her best friend, "are you serious right now? don't do that again, nicho."

"do what?" he asked innocently, halfway between a smirk and a smile on his lips.

"leave me hanging, you literally have no excuse this time." her arms motioned around them, "there's no one here to interrupt you."

"why are you getting upset with me, jihye? let's just go get your grandmother's medicine and go study."

she grumbled, "i'm not upset."

"you are." he said plainly, and even if it was true what jihye said, his action were only furthering the opposite. "you must actually hate me."

"stop saying that."

"why? it was about time honestly, we've been together for twelve years." he backed up a little, causing jihye to want to follow.

he said it again, the word lingering her mind; together.

"if i'm annoying you can just say that, you've never had a problem voicing your thoughts before."

she bit her lip, not knowing how to form a reply when he stared so confidently at her. it was getting harder to believe he was oblivious to her — her feelings for him.

he grabbed her hand, pushing his fingers to slot between her and pulled her along the sidewalk with him. "then, if that's not it, what's wrong?" he asked as the pair rounded a corner.

jihye felt a nausea creep up her throat, and honestly she didn't know if she could be diagnosed with love-sickness or heartbreak. she were hit with a sense of anticipation, or maybe it was adrenaline, she weren't really sure. her vision was blurring with the shadows the moon casted and the frustration-tears that threaten to fall just as hard as she did all those years ago.

it was childish to keep running inside this dark tunnel. and whether, at the end, it be hand in hand or not she couldn't keep up the act.

she had to stop.

so, jihye did. she dropped his hand, and stopped walking. she stood with your her down, but, no longer to hide the blush. nicholas stopped at the moment he lost contact, feeling his heart drop into his stomach.

she was admitting defeat, surrendering, raising the white flag.

"nicho..." he walked up to her, his eyebrows knitted together with concern but before he had a chance to speak. his hands smoothly fit against jihye's cheeks, moving her face up to look him in the eyes. she took a shaky breath, continued and cut the life-support, "i like you."

nicholas didn't drop her face, like she feared. he didn't back up and somewhere deep-down she hoped it was a confession he'd just as desperately been holding back all day.

“jihye…” he practically mocked, deja-vu clouding her, “you have no idea how long i’ve held back from you. i like so you much.”

the girl felt a little mad at yourself for having waited this long, if all he was going to say was what she’s convinced herself he never would.

he was so close to her now, breaths practically morphed into one. she could finally let him fill her senses without having to feel bad about it.

“i was honestly not sure if you were just blushing because i was a guy flirting with you or — “

their eyes met, jihye’s abrupt change making him stop speaking and look at her with another hint of concern.

“nicho, please stop talking and finally kiss me.”

his grip on her skin tightened just a little as he whispered against her parted lips, “fuck, okay.” and then, as if fireworks went off, they finally went from bestfriends to something more — something that made that little girl inside jihye hopeful of the future.

a future where she got to call him, hers.

she could practically hear the groan from mijoo, who would be secretly happy she could arise her front row seat to their movie. she wasn’t even fully convinced the athlete wouldn’t clap as the credits played.

jihye pulled nicholas closer without protest. she vowed that because she’s fucked up the friendship there was no way she could physically let him go. she was bonded to him, she has been for twelve years, and she prayed for twelve more — and then twelve more.

their tether was strong, and it was cliché that they ended up falling for each other.

yet, all that seemed like a thought for another time.

reblogs, likes and comments are greatly appreciated! thank u!

[spitblaze]

yes and no, i think already past 18, you're old enough to understand shit, and hitting the early 20's you're old enough to wipe your own ass and know whats right and wrong. i think it just really depends on the person. 'you're a teenager until 25' is just eh

You're not wrong, it very much depends on the individual! Things like neurodivergence and where/how they grew up can absolutely impact what things people know and what they're capable of. And it does depend on what we're talking about they should 'know better'. Like- able-bodied, able-minded 20 year old doesn't know how to wash dishes? Cringe. Grab a sponge. Your other example, though.

The thing is. The implication that 18-22 is old enough to know 'right and wrong' is...hm. How do I put this.

If you want to argue that morality is objective, then yes- knowing what's 'right' and 'wrong' would be easy at 18. Don't murder, don't cheat, don't steal. Easy.

But the world really isn't that simple, is it? For most neurotypical people even, morality is pretty black and white until you're a teenager. And then you start getting into the weird gray areas. Is it okay to steal if your family is starving? Is it okay to kill if someone is about to kill you first? Is it alright to cheat if there's no way to succeed otherwise? Etc, etc.

Morality is weird and subjective! I'm a moral relativist and to say that everyone should have the same idea of what is 'right' and 'wrong' at eighteen is absurd! Someone raised in a very progressive household would have a very different idea about right and wrong than someone raised in a very conservative one, and to imply that they should 'know better' simply because they're an adult, as if some of these things can't take YEARS to unlearn, is not only reductive as hell, but does not encourage people to look at different viewpoints! There are a lot of situations you will run into as an adult where there is not one 'right' answer ethically, there will be a lot of situations that require multiple people to sit down and think very hard about what the 'right' answer would be.

If morality was easy, there would not be entire college courses dedicated to ethics. If morality was straightforward, we would not have a shifting understanding of the world and what is considered 'good' and 'bad'. Do you get what I'm saying. To say age is the only requirement to 'know better' in terms of morality is comically reductive at best. Morality is relative. How many people shifted from supporting Ukraine to supporting Russia? How many gay and trans people lashed out at others like them before coming out/cracking their egg because of internalized hatred?

Morality is a shifting thing. There are some things that someone could probably know better about, but myriad reasons they wouldn't. Maybe they were never given the resources (many kids are never taught about queer people and never given a way to learn more). Maybe this is a topic that has sort of...arbitrary takes to begin with (person was accused of being a pedophile for having very sfw vanilla ship art of characters who are under 18). Maybe, despite being the 'age you should know better', they genuinely do not know better, as many ACTUALLY grown adults do not, because what is considered acceptable and good and bad is not always readily apparent to everyone and shifts over time.

Listen. CAN someone be an amoral shithead as an 18-25 year old?? Absolutely. There's shitheads of all ages and moral leanings. But if there's an age where you're supposed to have morality all figured out then nobody's told me, or the ethics professors, or any philosophers for that matter. There's FOR SURE things that have a pretty clear-cut answer but assuming someone has all of them is like. why would you do that. YOU don't have all of the answers, why would they?? There's all sorts of extenuating circumstances but not giving someone the benefit of the doubt because 'they're an adult' is denying them the chance to actually learn.

TL;DR: If someone who is 18-25 is being a shithead you should call them a shithead instead of 'an adult who should know better' because morality is relative and tying it to age is arbitrary, but also you should give people the benefit of the doubt bc living your life assuming people who are wrong are inherently bad or immature isn't great

[hellscape-halogens]

Growing up being forcibly whitewashed and Christianized and indoctrinated into radical conservative ideology has left me with a huge chunk of my identity missing.

Who am I outside of this religion that was forced on me?

Who am i outside of forced whiteness?

I was never in a residential school, or any kind of boarding school for that matter.

But I was raised to hate everything about myself, that i was dirty, and that my only chance at salvation was God.

I was forced to take bleach baths for over 15 years.

i was strip searched when my parents thought i was up to no good.

i got beaten badly, often to the point i couldn't sit or lay comfortably, when i questioned their absolute authority.

i had no privacy. i had no door on my bedroom ever. i wasn't allowed to shut the bathroom door ever, but if i did it wasn't allowed to be fully closed. i stopped keeping a diary at all because my parents went through everything of mine, and i stopped talking to friends entirely because my parents knew when i would delete messages.

I was not allowed bodily autonomy. Sure i kept my hair long, but that wasn't my choice because my hair was "sacred to God" so my feelings didn't matter. my body wasn't mine. that's the whole thing.

i was not allowed to be a person. i was not allowed to be myself. i was not allowed to be happy because my parents hated what it took for me to be happy (which really wasn't a lot to fucking begin with).

And when i would tan, they would say "wow you don't look white at all, girl" with such disgust and contempt, hidden under the thin veil of jest.

oh! but when we found out we had Native American blood in us, my parents didn't even want to acknowledge it until they thought maybe they could get out of paying taxes if they became Registered Indians. when they couldn't, it was back to being white again.

they deprived me of my identity- one which i have every right to claim- over some stupid fucking money and a stupid fucking card. they cared nothing for the suffering of our ancestors, going so far as calling their history "democrat fairy tales" and "idiotic revisionist history." they cared nothing for the real life discrimination native people still go through. they ignored how their own child was the target of racist bullying and discrimination, instead opting to call me dramatic when i complained.

they deprived me of my culture.

they deprived me of my sense of self.

they beat me down and broke my spirit.

they deprived me of freedom.

they stole from me so much.

they deprived me of my identity.

they deprived me of my spirit.

they deprived me of my will to live, so much that i wanted to die for the first time when i was just 4.

they deprived me of me.

and i still don't know who i am, other than 1/4.

and i had to search for those answers myself because my family didn't want me to be anything but white, American, clean and godly.

[mediapen]

Hiii

I'm so sorry for bothering you, but I'm knew to f1 and ended up stumbling your post about politics and f1 https://www.tumblr.com/mediapen/749730771207684096/when-you-guys-try-2-do-politics-it-makes-me-go?source=share and I kinda want to talk about it a little. Disclaimer: like I said I'm knew and also English is not my first language. There is no intention of hate to any driver. maybe I'm not smart enough to discuss this but...

I also keep getting some posts about this driver is far right this driver is morally bad... and aren't all of them in some way?like all of them would sacrifice all morals to win? Also f1 is a sport full of big oil money... that is already far right in itself, no?

Maybe x driver that people consider bad just don't have a good pr like the driver they consider good. Take l h for example, I think he is a incredible guy, bigger than f1, but he is also going to a team with 2 sponsors that are pro isr@el, he will sacrifice his moral in exchange to win his 8th title.

I think there's nuances to f1 and politics and how much they can talk about and stuff.

Like I said before, I don't think I'm smart enough about the subject and if this is just stupid just ignore it, but I don't think looking in a sport that is full of corruption and money laundry is the right place for politically and morally good/correct people. If it's to hold them accountable it should be everyone not just the guys they don't particularly like.

hello sorry your ask is from a while ago but i just saw it and it's a worthwhile topic for the Online People to discuss. so.

that post specifically was about people intellectually posturing inserting irrelevant geopolitical concepts they didn’t understand rather than simply being directly critical of a more straightforward action that they did understand and it annoyed me ❤️ but anyway tldr your position is basically mine. you might be new but you’ve pretty quickly found a core issue here: there’s an… interesting capacity for ignorance and forgiveness when it comes to some drivers and not others, and that's basically driven by people moralising their likes and dislikes. double standards in online fan spaces are sadly pretty pervasive, so there’s not much rational discussion to be had and the block button is your friend.

i don't know what posts you've seen because i have not been seeing them and generally heavily curate my dash, so if this is all irrelevant, ignore it lol. i've tried to discuss the points you raised, though!

the drivers' politics broadly suck. they suck! whether we know for sure about their political leanings or affiliations, it's pretty safe to assume that as a collective they will have broadly conservative leanings - likely economically (monaco residences alone should tell you a lot!), but also often socially. that's the kind of people we're working with here, and we're not even getting into the bodies actually running the sport.

it’s fine and good to want people you look up to or whatever to do better on these issues, but looking to motorsport for your idols and expecting them to be a paragon of virtue and morality is fucking laughable. expecting a bunch of guys who are largely from places of immense personal and social privilege, who have been funnelled from whatever education they actually completed straight into their sport with little exposure to the real world or real issues, to be both aware of and able to intelligently discuss issues that we as 'normal' people with university educations etc. believe are important, is at best naive. tbh i don’t care much for performative virtue signalling from people who don’t understand an issue beyond being told by a PR team to say x issue bad ❤️ and take all the plaudits from twitter user fuckhead3000 for doing fuck all else. more than anything it just speaks to this online culture of trying to make everything into a 'this guy's problematic!' contest where everything is black and white and good and bad and surface level, and nobody ever engages with issues of substance.

i know you’re only using lewis as an example, but in terms of team sponsors, drivers aren’t that influential with the exception of those they bring with them. anyone expecting a driver to effectively boycott or refuse to move to/drive for a team because of their sponsors massively overestimates their power and security as individuals at a level where their continued competitive presence is never guaranteed. if we’re being critical of sponsors, though: lewis currently drives for a team with sponsors heavily involved in oil and extractive industries, on the bds list, connected to possible war crimes in sudan, illegal pollution, poor labour relations, ai companies, etc.. this stuff's SO pervasive.

lewis has made mistakes. lewis has said things that have been poorly phrased and ignorant. but lewis, almost uniquely, has consistently demonstrated self-reflection and real growth. i think he (rightly) gets a lot of grace for that - but also people don't know about or remember the 'bad' stuff. lewis has been able to use his platform and galvanise solidarity actions from some other drivers to raise social justice issues and agitate for both broad and specific change. in response, f1 itself has clamped down on his ability to use coverage of the sport to amplify his voice to that audience. he is doing what he can within an openly hostile and deeply racist environment. if he refused to drive because of sponsor relationships with his team(s), he’d lose any platform that the sport itself gives him. he'd lose his position as the only black man in f1. it'd cull his influence, which only exists because of his continued presence and success. i'm absolutely not saying you’re doing this, but holding lewis alone to higher ethical standards than any other driver is plainly racist. 

never mind sacrificing morals to win - given its history, ownership, corruption, controversies, environmental impact, etc., f1 itself arguably requires you to sacrifice your morals to even participate. everyone can decide where they fall on that: whether the tacit acceptance of the state of things implied by someone's participation is worth it for the good they can do as a result of the platform - or not. personally, i think trying to do any kind of remedial work on the sport itself would be a massive undertaking - and barring some kind of international regulatory mandate, it would have to be driven from within. in f1, i’d rather see movement towards change through participation rather than outright boycotts/non-participation, because they simply wouldn't be effective unless massively scaled.

nuance and context are important. i think in these discussions, what people need to remember is that two years ago these guys were made to race under threat of missile strikes, and only some of them felt able to speak out about the potentially serious physical harm being done to them by porpoising cars. as a mere starting point, i want to see a driver's union with teeth (and also unionised engineers, crews, etc.), because right now these guys can't (/won't) even organise effectively to ensure their own safety - never mind anything else. hope this was useful!!

[just-an-enby-lemon]

I think the reason I dislike Hamilton so much (besides the glorification of literal slave owners) is because at is core Hamilton is a musical about The American Dream.

I find everything about The American Dream (and yes I'll capitalize it) fascinating. Maybe because being from a developing country I grew up being groomed to maybe have a change at either imigrating and following The American Dream myself or getting close enough to it that my kids would finally be the ones to bring my family to the U.S (and I wasn't the only one) or because I have a cousin that lost it all trying to immigrate and was barred at the border for no real reason and is back here with no money and a bad job because he put all his cards on The American Dream. Or maybe because U.S media is deeply popular for south american kids and we wach more your movies and read your books than our owns. Either way I grew up with the idea that I was unlucky to be born here and if I had just being born in the US. Only to find out that this wasn't true. People on the US were just as unlucky.

And if it hurt me to discover that all the promisses and pressure I got were empty at least it was before I tried to emigrate and follow it. What about all the people who crossed the board and didn't make it? Yes there were succes stories, but still. And what about the kids who were born there? Who were raised to believe they lived in the best country in the wolrd and hard work always meant success only to realize that this isn't the case? Do they blame themselfs? Do they think they just didn't fight hard enough? Do they feel angry?

Lin Manuel Miranda's pro-imigration musical, his masterpiece, is about how the U.S was funded by great people and how it is the job of today american's to remember them and follow their legacy. Is that all the failings on the country aren't systemical problems. It's people forgetting. Forgetting the founding fathers were immigrants, forgetting how liberal and charitable and great they are.

Hamiltom says the American dream is there. That people just need to remember their roots and take it. In the wolrd of Hamilton the system isn't bad au contrary it is good and it was made by great people (yeah, sure) is just that the people defending the system now days are bad and don't understand the REAL system (and that's why the musical conveniently forgets that the founding fathers were slave owners). The final song in Hamilton, "Who lives, who dies, who tells your story", is hopefull. It acts as if remembering the founding fathers for their supposedly progressiviness (Jefferson being complimented for having a good economical system instead of rightfully called out for being an awfull person, the only mention of slavery being when Elisa says she fought against it and that Hamilton would have been proud - would he?) and following their legacy is all one needs to achieve the perfect country. And that's bullshit.

I may not be american but even if the founding fathers were this great people the musical is portraying (and they sure as hell weren't) that would have been bullshit. What makes or breaks a country is more than their legacy, is their systems, is how they were build.

My country has a legacy of real insurgencies being destroyed so moderate conservatives can give us them in lighter shades and pet their backs for how good they are, how much they care for the people they see as lesser. Our independecy was buyed and our republic was negotiated. And people fought before that. But the people who fought wanted to much. They wanted a republic, they wanted the end of slavery, they wanted to compensate the slaves and not the slave owners. So they were silenced. The only insuressionist that got a holiday is the one for the tamest of the failed insurections. The first time the people's will trully mattered was when we took out the dictartoship. Our new republic for all it's multiple failures is the closest to a real people's legacy. So maybe the mensage of Hamilton apply better to us. But if our only good legacy is too fight against the system than how would it work when in Hamilton the system IS the legacy?

I have no answers or solutions. I barerly know what this post is. I just was listening to "Everbody's Got the Right" from Asassins on Spotify and when it ended Spotify went automatically to "Who Lives Who Dies Who Tells Your Story" and listening them side by side gave me a terrible whiplash.

[chaoticsoulsword]

Ahem. This post will probably age poorly but my mind won't stop being delusional so here are some thoughts I gathered regarding the future of jjk.

*spoilers till ch. 237*

Gojo: although it pains me deeply to say this, I don't think Gojo is making a comeback. Was the fight fair? To an extent, yes. What really displeases me is the fact that Sukuna only achieved his full form AFTER Gojo's death. Like, I give 0 fucks about Kashimo, dude lost to the pachinko guy. So it doesn't sit well with me that Gojo wasn't the one who cornered Sukuna when he was considered the strongest since day 1. Outrage aside, Gojo had a certain level of closure when "meeting" his friends in the afterlife. Gege killed Nanami for way less (when he came to the conclusion that Nanami reached his peak as a character and thus wouldn't have anything else to add to the story -- which I disagree but let's not focus on this). That means that the story can't go forward with Gojo being the strongest while Yuji is the protagonist. Did he have to die? No. He could have got free from his "curse" (being the strongest) by having his powers erased or something. He'd still see his dream come true by having his students take down the conservatives of the Jujutsu system (which is actually kinda blurry now that the world knows about curses and sorcery but eh, anything can happen now, maybe a cursed technique like Pucci's Stairway to Heaven). In conclusion, I'll miss my silly blorbo but that's the end of the line for him *cries*

Nobara: BUT! Have you realized how Nobara wasn't in Gojo's afterlife? In addition, I'm still clinging to Nitta's words: "It's not a zero percent chance, okay?!" When confronted by Yuji about her status, Megumi doesn't reply, but we know he's a guy of few words when it comes to feelings. Besides, Yuji had been through a LOT (more would come, ofc, but not the point), so it's possible that Megumi was protecting him by not giving Yuji false hope. All these clues lead me to believe that Nobara is in a state of coma, still healing from Mahito's blow. She isn't done yet, she has a promise to keep and she's not one to give up so easily. Nobara has the potential to return. And speaking of which...

Megumi: Poor little guy's soul is literally trapped in the void while the demon who possessed him without any consent has reincarnated in HIS body. I see many fans discussing that only his soul can be saved BUT something has caught my attention. When Megumi asks Hana/Angel if her technique can revert possessed players to their original players, she replies that it's not impossible, but it's extremely likely they will die because the cursed object and the body fuse. "It's difficult to strip one away". Okay, so it's hard. But there's a chance, especially assuming that Megumi's soul is a state of suspension. That keeps Megumi and Sukuna "separated" to an extent, meaning that maybe Hana can rescue his soul and heal his body after Sukuna is destroyed. Not to mention her role as a "divine" figure. If she can pull a jujutsu called Jacob's Ladder, why not a Lazarus' raising?

And those are my delusions predictions. Gege is really a cruel, heartless storyteller, but it's not fair that Yuji keeps losing people he loves over and over. I still have some hope that this story isn't just deathbait for shocking value. I know everything changed after the Shibuya Incident, and still... Yuji is not supposed to die alone. It's the very motivation of his character. So let's bring some comfort back, right, Gege? 🔪 *threaning aura*

[corvidcrossbow]

hihi ! i just read your intruders fic and it was so good, do you have any tips on how to write Daryl properly?

Hiii!!! For one, thank you 😭🫶🫶 You're so sweet (this is a little lengthy, the nerd got out)

As for writing Daryl; one of my favoritest things is media analysis, especially in regards to the structuring and development of characters: so when watching shows/movies/etc., I try to pay a lot of attention to major and minor details in the plot and a character's mannerism, actions, dialogue, etc. since I not only find it fun, but I think it really helps in giving and understanding the depth of characters writing (yes there's a lot of reading into things too much & overanalyzing, but in this house we assume everything happened for a reason and was meticulously planned ‼️) (except for when we ignore canon because sometimes writers don't know what they're doing) (*cough*, Leah)

It's pretty straightforward; it helps in learning how a character behaves, reacts and would handle certain situations (since you're essentially studying how they do it). I generally get to a point where I know a character well enough that I can see something and just be like "oh yeah they would/wouldn't like that" or "*this* is how they'd do that" (still I am guilty of indecisiveness in headcanons 😔🤞)

But beside all that, turning to other people's interpretations is also really helpful! Norman Reedus himself is obviously a good resource; listening to and reading the extra things he's said about Daryl in interviews and stuff (and what other cast/crew say too) Then of course other fan content (fanfics and headcanons are a key ones. I also end up on old reddit comment threads pretty often with people discussing episodes) I'm on his Fandom page all the time (occasionally the Survival Instinct/Onslaught specific one too, but take that one with a bigger grain of salt cause there's always gonna be inconsistencies)

I also used to be a really big role player so pretending to embody Daryl or put yourself in his shoes might also be useful(?) (I think I do this subconsciously 🗿), and I find Daryl to be very relatable so that inherently aids

I think Daryl in particular can be a more challenging character to feel like you've written "properly" (in a way that feels in character) because of how complex certain parts of his personality are (like most characters or people with years worth of trauma), and the way he handles things is very dependent on his relationship to the those involved, what it is, what period of his life it's in (like how he's much harsher and hot-headed in the early seasons, but shuts down a lot in mid seasons, but towards the last ones we get to see more of who he actually is; so his behavior is gonna vary a lot depending on context)

But don't let feeling ooc hang you up! The more you write for Daryl (or any other character), the more you'll understand him, and subsequently the better you get. No matter how long I've loved a character or how well I feel I understand them, I'll still always be having sort of realizations or developments in my thoughts

OH THIS IS A BIG THING; imagine him as a real person, blissfully ignore the word "fictional" – this helps me connect to him way more and on a deeper level because I'm viewing him as someone that genuinely exists and has experienced these things (am I little out of touch with reality?... maybe)

His thoughts, emotions, inner monologue, how all these things had an impact on his development in childhood and adulthood, etc. Eliminating the idea of him being fictional might help you see him as a fully rounded person rather than bits of writing and acting we watch and read.

Think about how real world events & circumstances would've affected him (I view him as being born in 1975, so raised post-Vietnam war, lower income in a conservative area, redneck and white trash, War on drugs, 9/11, etc.) (Some of these aren't that important in writing him, but they might help in formulating ideas about who he is/ again, understanding him) – that idea in general is important though; theorize about how certain events/ scenarios (big world things or more mundane ones) would affect him/ how he'd react to them — all this wraps into the first things I said; about analyzing his character.

Okay maybe I'm rambling now, but overall just go for it and have fun with it! As I said, the more you do it, the faster it'll come to you, and the more solid idea of Daryl you'll formulate. Everyone has different interpretations of things and I love to see how others view characters compared to my own!

[kethabali]

Hello, I’m Ameera a 23 years old Muslim lesbian who is trying to come out, I’ve been in the closet with my girlfriend for way too long, because of how dangerous and hard it is to come out as a lesbian to a religious Muslim family, but me and my girlfriend have decided to do whatever it takes and risk it all to come out, do you mind supporting and encouraging us?, we have the plan to go away which is why I have my donation campaign pinned on my profile, if I raise at least that goal I can start the process with my savings, I can’t come out until I’d gotten my apartment and I’m away from family, so please support by donating if you can and help reblog though I know we all have what we dealing with, so I’m not imposing we just need all the support and encouragement we can get, check my pinned post for more information on how you can support, if you are a Muslim queer and you are out, please help with tips on how to make it less complicated, any word of advice is also really needed, we really wanna come out but we need y’all 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️ pride please come through for us, I believe pride is for all

hi,

i wish i had some amazing life changing advice for you but the truth is that it's painful to be outcasted from your family and the trauma that comes with it doesn't leave your body for a long time. once i was safe i started to unpack everything and its a long process but really worth it when u start feeling grounded and less anxious

i'm not muslim but my family is so i was raised with islam and they did a lot of stuff to try to deter me from living my truth including literally kidnapping me while we were in bangladesh right before my flight back. the entire family would talk shit behind my back and only "respect" me to my face to keep up the niceties

it's family and that makes it hard to let go and accept that they may never come around, at least not in this life time but surrounding yourself with friends and support - your chosen family is so important. we have to help each other because who else will yknow

community is so important for queer people so i encourage you to seek out other queer people any way you can in real life and online. i don't know what country you live in but i've found even in the most homophobic conservative countries the queer groups are there even if very underground and disguised as other things. i hope you can get in contact with some queer organizations and hopefully they can help you gather funds and help with your move. also message me privately with ur city and if its my city or one i'm familiar with maybe i can find you some resources

for me queer organizations literally saved my life. when i ran away i stayed in an apartment run by a queer youth shelter and they weren't perfect, they had a lot of faults but it gave me sanctuary away from my abusive parents and a chance to explore myself and be a normal kid for a while (i was 17). queer organizations also helped me get many things; clothes, hygiene products, chest binders, hrt, support applying to aid programs, doctor appointments when my insurance was a mess bc i was a literal child and had no idea how to navigate healthcare. it was just a really good thing for me to have as i transitioned into adulthood on my own.

so i say find all the mutual aid and organizations available in your area connect with at least one queer person in real life and its likely they will know others and slowly you can build your network of resources. take care of yourself best u can, try to eat well and drink enough water, get outside at least once a day, journaling and listening to music helps me a lot with processing emotions, confide in ur girlfriend or friends, do ART i really recommend this one it can be very therapeutic and healing. any type of art- drawing, painting, knitting, photography, dancing, singing etc it's good to express yourself in some way when everything else feels so restricted. try to have something for yourself to keep holding onto hope when things get really bad like maybe a pin, some type of token to remind you of your truth and that things won't be this way forever. remember that the entire queer community would back you up in a heartbeat and so many people will love you that you haven't even met yet!

[debunkingtherightwing]

Debunking the Utah Furry Protest and Tim Pool's extremely stupid take on the Utah Furry Protest

Yeah, this is an important news story. Deeply deeply important (source: Tim Pool on YouTube)

Tim Pool is freaking out about furries, yes really. Unfortunately for society at large he's also pushing the debunked claim that there are litterboxes in multiple school bathrooms for children who identify as cats. Lets get into it.

00:00, Tim Pool: "A video appeared on YouTube, it was picked up by LibsofTikTok, students were protesting at a school in Utah over furries, people who dress up like cartoon animals, in their school."

So, what's going on here is that 75 students and parents at a school in Utah went on a protest due to a change.org petition called "Students for Humans at School, not animals aka furries". The protesters allegations of students scratching them and litterboxes in the bathrooms line up perfectly with a lot of right-wing rumors about public schools.

I don't believe for a minute that there are litterboxes in the bathroom of this middle school or that there was any scratching or biting. If that's true, every single student in that school has a cellphone equipped with a camera. How come no photos of the litterboxes have been published? Hell, how come there are no photos of students with scratch marks or bite marks? How come nobody has filed a report with the local police?

According to the school board, this protest started after a message to the parents that was sent out after a bunch of kids wearing headbands were bullied by another group of students. This email encouraged respect for everyone and was generally pretty inoffensive, however it led to rumors of furries spreading around the school, probably by the kids doing the bullying in the first place. I seriously doubt that a school in an extremely conservative state like Utah would go to the effort of setting up litterboxes for what would at most be two or three students. There could be a grain of truth in this story in of that some kid could have worn cat ears to school and maybe batted or hissed at someone but the story of how this school was taken over by furries and the school put in litterboxes in the bathrooms to accommodate them does not make much sense. Plus, it seems likely that a lot of the parents were probably more or less driving the bus on this protest and regurgitating talking points they heard on shows like Tim Pool.

When you listen to what these kids and parents are saying there's a lot of speculation and not a lot of direct testimony. "Oh, I heard another kid got bit by one", "I heard there was licking and biting", etc. That's not concrete evidence and this whole protest lacks that concrete evidence that a news story needs for any serious journalist to give it their attention.

00:31, Tim Pool: "I don't know that there are actually litterboxes in the bathrooms-"

Really? Because the title of your video sure does!

00:32, Tim Pool: "But at this point I've personally been told that this has happened by someone who is a firsthand witness - not at schools though, I'll explain that story."

Yeah, my back is already raised high in the air here. Not only is this another one of Tim's stories starring his unnamed friends that he never seems to be able to interview on camera but it apparently isn't even related to schools.

Tim Pool has so many unnamed friends that if you take what he's saying at face value you'd easily draw the conclusion that this guy is the single most popular guy in the universe. I already covered Tim's extremely believable and not at all suspicious story of him "owning a lib" at a poker game but this is something that he does so often. It's the journalistic equivalent of a 7 year old boy bragging to kids on the playground about his girlfriend in Canada that you can never meet. "Just trust me bro" isn't a source, it's talking shit.

00:42, Tim Pool: "Joe Rogan said a friend told him that their kids school did this."

Great, more of this broken telephone my friends cousins dog told me that this is true bullshit. Also, Joe Rogan admitted that his litterbox claim was false. Interestingly enough you don't hear people like Tim Pool bringing that part up.

00:47, Tim Pool: "Now we have students, several dozen, saying this happened. I do not believe there is an organized conspiracy theory, it's possible that there are rumors, I can only say that for myself."

Has Tim ever been to middle school? Rumors spread so quickly in that environment that it isn't even funny. I also wouldn't be surprised at all if the parents are driving the bus on this. Take the ABC news segment I linked below. If you watch the video a majority of the people at that protest appeared to be adults and all the claims started with "I heard". When you make a claim as extreme as "furries have taken over our school and are peeing in school installed litterboxes", I'm sorry but the burden of proof falls on you.

Tim Pool babbles about the difference between furries and therians and I can feel myself losing braincells.

02:45, Tim Pool: "Before we get started, I just wanna say if you wanna support the work we're doing here head over to Timcast.com, click join us, become a member so that you can hang out in our Discord server with likeminded individuals. Share ideas, build a network, and Timcast.com members is how we fund the entire operation so we do need your support."

Well that's new. Tim usually doesn't plug his crap during the videos, at least in the Tim-centric news stories because I haven't really watched "Timcast IRL". I'm guessing that either Tim is starting to see the writing on the wall since YouTube recently removed a couple episodes of TimCast IRL or he's turning into a full-on Alex Jones tier grifter. Who am I kidding? It's both.

Also, there are few propositions less appealing than spending actual money for the privilege of being allowed to be in the Timcast Discord server.

Tim reads the ABC article and plays the LibsOfTikTok video. As is the case whenever Chaya Raichik/LibsOfTikTok's name is brought up - here's my full post where I talk about how much of a liar and a flip-flopping idiot she is as well as touching on some of the real-world consequences of her posts. Anyway, the video is of some kids being interviewed by a self-described journalist named Adam Bartholomew about their meaning experiences with furries at school. This smacks of the McMartin pre-school trials of the 1980's where children claimed that there was satanic sexual abuse at the pre-school they were going to. These claims were later found out to be complete fabrication that was created by leading questions and questioners telling children about other peoples statements. One has to wonder if this Adam Bartholomew character did similar things with these kids to get the response that he wanted.

What makes Bartholomew even more questionable is the fact that his wife Cari Bartholomew is currently running as a candidate for the Utah Board of Education in District 13. This is a glaring conflict of interest and is a throbbing middle finger to the notion of journalistic ethics that automatically makes pretty much any testimony that Bartholomew dredges up questionable at best. After all, he could have told those kids what to say or fed them leading questions in order to help his wife on the campaign trail.

Now it's time for the Tim Pool story hour.

06:54, Tim Pool: "I was at a hotel, man this was years ago, and a guy who was a fan actually told me that their hotel had similar requests. And I was like 'get out of here', they're like yeah there was like a furry event and they requested litterboxes in the bathrooms."

This is even less believable than the story about litterboxes in middle school bathrooms. If it happened at a hotel it's almost certain that an employee would take a picture, post it on Twitter, and we'd be off to the races.

I'd like to meet Tim's unknown fans by the way. Maybe him and Alex Jones (who as the Knowledge Fight podcast has documented is constantly getting mobbed by his screaming fans) should team up and walk down the street. If they're telling the truth they're combined fans would probably create a human stampede.

Tim talks MORE about the difference between furries and therians. I have a feeling that Tim has furries in his audience and doesn't want to piss them off. Matt Walsh covered this story as well (I might cover his take on it, we'll see) and he was way less generous.

Tim then reads more of the article. He then digs up an NBC news article about litter boxes in school bathrooms entitled "How an urban myth about litter boxes in schools became a GOP talking point".

11:55, Tim Pool: "How is it a myth?"

No photographic evidence for one.

12:46, Tim Pool: "NBC News, the conspiracy theorists, think that Joe Rogan, the GOP, hotel staff, and comedians all made this up."

I love how Tim threw his alleged friend in there and split "Joe Rogan" and "comedians" into two distinct categories. Still no mention of Joe Rogan walking back his claims about litterboxes by the way.

Tim then reads from THAT article. That's really what Tim's show is now, riffing about TikTok's and articles that don't say what he thinks they say.

Conclusion:

Tim Pool is basically just making shit up on the fly at this point. The minute that you look at this Utah protest with a critical lens it falls apart like a house of cards. Like similar moral panics like the previously mentioned Satanic Panic, this is just a case of adults freaking out over things they saw in the media and kids getting caught in the middle. Plus, the main "journalist" covering this story has a political axe to grind! This is clearly a massive load of nothing.

But hey, we learned about another one of Tim Pool's unnamed friends so that's fun....I guess.

Sources:

Original Video;

“Students Protest LITTER BOXES in BATHROOMS, Media LIED, Furries Get School Protection.” Www.youtube.com.

Utah Furry Protest:

“Fact Check: Nebo School District Responds to Claims about Student Protest over “Furries.”” The Salt Lake Tribune.

“Students Walk out of Utah Middle School to Protest “Furries.”” Www.youtube.com

Litterboxes in schools is a bullshit claim:

“Joe Rogan Admits Schools Don’t Have Litter Boxes for Kids Who “Identify” as Furries.” The Guardian, 4 Nov. 2022.