#and because no one really reads these i guess i can say here

[kimingyuslover]

Love you with all my heart.

Synopsis : Loveless marriage can be so easy yet so difficult. Which one is yours?

Word count : 3,228

pairing : Kwon Soonyoung x fem!reader

genre : contract marriage, arranged marriage!au, one-sided enemy, strangers to one-sided enemy to exes to lovers!au (it's so much), angst, fluff, slight suggestive at the end.

warnings : tears, italic means flashback, chaebol!soonyoung, chaebol!reader, ceo!soonyoung, neurosurgeon!reader, slight mingyu & wonwoo x reader (seperated), some curse word (i guess..), Soonyoung being a jerk, mention of alcohol consumption, this fic does not represent his character in real life!

a.n : ngl, i'm in tears while writing this, i wanna punch Soonyoung in the face. i recommend reading this fic with this playlist.

“What do you think of this dress? isn't it beautiful?” Soo-jung says while showing one of the wedding dresses in her collection.

Soo-jung has been your best friend for as long as you can remember. You first met at your kindergarten and started talking from then with both of your parents also being friends.

You and her have different passions when you enter high school. She's been saying that when she grows up, she wants to be a designer, whereas you want to be a neurosurgeon.

“hello? y/n! Why are you always zoning out everytime we do this? Do you want to call off the marriage? is still early, i'll come along with you to your parents” concern is evident on her face, i mean, her best friend is in an arranged marriage, of course she will support her no matter what her decision.

To you, marriage is something so sacred and marriage can only be achieved by two people who love each other deeply, outwardly and inwardly.

you started to feel tears coming to both of your eyes, you look at Soo-jung with your now teary eyes, she immediately holds both of your shoulders.

you let out a few sobs before opening your mouth, “i don't think i can do this, we met earlier for brunch, he looks so mad Jung” you cried. you never be the one who complained when your parents decided something for you, but the words he threw at you at brunch made you realize that this marriage was a mistake to begin with.

Soo-jung nods at your words and brings you to her hug, she knows that your soon-to-be husband in contract is a jerk because she met him a few days prior in the gala that your family throws, and she also knew that every word that left his mouth will scratch your pure soul and heart.

Kwon Soonyoung is your fiancé, he's the son of one of the biggest real estate companies in South korea. you first met him while attending a gala for the CEOs of every big company.

Soonyoung is a quiet kid, everyone usually socializes with other nepo kids, but he's not, he's alone at the table with a glass of champagne in his hand.

You never really talk to him. only seeing him while you're with your parents, and you were not expecting that he's the one you're going to marry.

Soo-jung decided that today has been a bad day for you and you will discuss this again tomorrow.

“listen here, i do not want this marriage, i have tried to call off the wedding but my parents won't let me,” Soonyoung says after he sipped the coffee that he had ordered, he opens his mouth again, “so don't expect me to love you, give you attention when we're alone and with our family, we have to act when we’re on a party or gala, other than that don't try to get along with me”

Soonyoung throws a few hundred dollar bills to your table while you're lowering your head, this marriage is not on your bingo card this year, you feel humiliated with the eyes on the restaurant goes to you.

You know you should tell this to your parents, but their hopes are sending you into a debate inside your head. They really want this marriage to happen, so both companies can merge into one powerful duo.

[ఇ ◝‿◜ ఇ]

It's now your wedding day, a lot has happened before this wedding is settled, like when soonyoung always scoffs whenever you get near him because your parents and his want it.

You have discussed your marriage with Soo-jung, and you have decided that if he is a jerk to you, then he's gonna receive the same treatment.

The music starts to play, the door in front of you starts to open slowly, with your father by your side, and Soo-jung behind you to help you with the veil.

You can already see your mother and your in-laws waiting for you, the photographer and videographer waiting on the side of the aisle to catch one of the supposedly precious moments of your entire life.

and there's Soonyoung, with his stoic expression waiting for you to be with him on the aisle, sharing your vows for the loveless marriage you'll have.

After your father leaves you, Soonyoung starts to say his vows, he said it with such expression, a tear from your left eye begins to fall, it's not a happy one, but a sad one.

[ఇ ◝‿◜ ఇ]

“Uhh, doctor y/n? Maybe you need to check the trash bin in front of the operating room, because I think you lost your marriage ring” one of the nurse— Yoon Jeonghan, says to you.

you began to panic, searching everywhere of your body in hope to find your ring. your eyes widening after you realize that you can't find it, you start to run across the hall, going straight to the operating room.

and lucky for you, you immediately found it. It's in the pocket of your operating gown. when you start to check your ring for any blood splatter on it, you remind yourself, the day when you bought this ring with Soonyoung.

“What do you think of this one? Do you like it?” You asked Soonyoung, except he doesn't even turn his head to you or the ring. He focuses on his phone.

Your tiny smile dropped. You think that maybe, just maybe, he can try to at least pick the ring with you. Well, god knows you're wrong.

in the end of the day, you have to video call Soo-jung to help you pick the right ring, because all Soonyoung said is, “i don't care, just pick one, i'll leave now, have a meeting”

which led to the employee giving you a sympathetic gaze and smile, and you reciprocated it by smiling sadly.

you feel your nostalgic time being cut when one of the neurosurgeons— doctor Jeon Wonwoo, starts to call your name.

and from then, you start to catch up a little bit more and more.

you got promoted as the professor a few months later, but you still feel empty. You've dreamed of this every single day of your life.

the hospital you're working at now, throwing a company dinner to congratulate you by eating in a korean bbq restaurant because apparently the CEO wants to make you try the restaurant for the first time.

the home you can't ever call it by its name welcoming you with cool air, Doctor Jeon kindly giving you a ride home.

you take off your shoes and start to walk to your bedroom, you pass Soonyoung's room in the process, and you freeze when you hear his sleepy mumbles.

he's calling someone, that you're sure, a name that belongs to a girl, and that's when you feel it, the aches of being rejected again, by Kwon Soonyoung himself.

you closed the door behind you, “i never be the one who makes you do things like that, am i? Am I that bad in your eyes?” You said to yourself, holding your tears back.

You tried, you really really tried to ignore the feelings you had (have) for the man in the different bedroom.

You think you can do it, but ignoring your long-time feelings seems to be more difficult than you think.

Yes, you admitted. Kwon Soonyoung and you have been into the same school, you realize that after the first meeting with him at the gala, and you got assigned together for a project, and that's when you started to develop feelings for him.

“Why can't I just forget him? Why do I have to pick up the broken pieces of my heart and let him break it all over again?” You let out a sobs full of tears, you sat before the bed, and that's when you made up your mind.

you're going to divorce him.

sooner or later, this marriage will consume you fully and make you depressed. The marriage is on their downfall.

So you packed your things in your designer suitcase, and started to call Soo-jung.

“hi, sorry for bothering you late at night. Can I come over to your house? And sleep for a few days there? i just made up my mind and i don't think i can be here anymore” hearing your sobs, Soo-jung accepted your request almost immediately, she knew what decision you have made because you've talked to her a few days before.

[ఇ ◝‿◜ ఇ]

Soonyoung is quite confused when he doesn't see you in the morning, because usually you're always making breakfast before going to work.

and that's happening for the next 2 weeks. he grows relentlessly, wants to know what's wrong that makes you go away from home for 2 weeks straight.

Not so long after he got lost in his thoughts, the house bell is ringing, and Soonyoung is thinking it may be you.

Oh boy, so wrong he was. It's your lawyer, standing so highly in front of him with his briefcase. Soonyoung frowned and furrowed his eyebrows, not expecting this visit.

they settle down on the sofa, and your lawyer start to take the divorce paper from his briefcase, “your wife told me she wants to have a divorce with you, this is the paper, you can sign it here” he says calmly, Soonyoung look at the man with puzzled expression evident on his face.

“My client asked me to do this for her. She can’t imagine if she has face to face with you” he continues, and gives his pen to Soonyoung.

There is it, the aches Soonyoung has long forgotten is now coming back, he already started to develop a feeling for you, again.

Yes, he's not wrong, again. Soonyoung met you at high school and started to develop feelings for you when you're in college.

back in college, you've been popular among college students since your sophomore year. Having a student as smart as you was a blessing to the campus.

Soonyoung met you again at a café, he wants to call your name, but someone beats it.

He turned his head to the person. That's when he saw the person he hated the most since 6th grade, Kim Mingyu.

He gets heartbroken when he sees Mingyu smiling at you and kissing your lips when he's already in front of you.

That day should be a good day for him because he wants to start a relationship with you, and maybe that will lead him to have more relationships than friends.

Since then, that feeling started to turn upside down, he's no longer admiring you, he's in denial for years, and always said to himself that he hates you, until the end of his time.

When he heard that you're going to be the one he marries, he's a little excited until he remembers your memories.

He wants to hold you close in his arms when you're crying. He wants to say sorry again and again and again for the hurtful words and actions he threw at you.

It hurts to see you act so cold with him when the marriage starts, and maybe, this was really the end of it all.

Your relationship will never work.

[ఇ ◝‿◜ ఇ]

Today is the final court of your divorce, Soonyoung is in awe when he sees you in your outfit.

White button up with blue stripe adorning your body, white trousers, brown leather belts, and a white lady dior completing your overall outfit.

The sound of your heels touching the ground can be heard by everyone in the hall. you're great at hiding your nervousness.

You can see Soonyoung with his stoic expression as always, waiting for the courtroom door to be open.

And it's finally over. Your marriage is over. All these years, you've been hiding your feelings for him, wanting him to finally love you, is over.

you're not even sure if this marriage has ever started.

Soo-jung rushed towards you when she parked her car, calling your name with her concerned expression.

“y/n! Are you okay? How are you feeling? Do you wanna go somewhere?” she said while approaching you.

Soonyoung saw you and your best friend in the distance, regret started to fill up his body, as tears began to huddle in his eyes.

[ఇ ◝‿◜ ఇ]

“so, I heard that you're a single doctor now. How's it feeling?” the interviewer asked you, made you hitch your breath.

but you perfectly hid it with a small smile, “our marriage was not that simple, we're in an arranged marriage, i feel a little excited when i saw who's i'm going to marry, because i have develop feelings for him before this even started, he’s one of my patient that i operate 5 years ago, and he's on the same high school as me.

My feelings are not reciprocated, and i think he might've hated me from years prior, that time, i'm sure that i can make him, at least bear with me, but i was wrong, everything i do is wrong to him,” tears started to gather in your eyes, even if you want to forget your bad relationship, you can't.

“So I made up my mind, when the marriage starts, I act ignorant to him in the hope that maybe he will talk to me about something or anything, he's not. Everyday feels heavy, and after a few months, I gave up, i can’t handle it anymore, so I filed a divorce paper via my lawyer to him”

After you say that, the host starts trying to calm you down, feeling guilty, but you just tell her that it’s okay, and she doesn't have to say sorry.

Soonyoung watches from his office, watching your tv shows are the only medicine that can heal his guilt and longing for you.

“Mr. Kwon? Would you like to cancel your meeting?” His assistants said with hesitance. The meeting should have started 10 minutes from now, but his boss seems to be deep in his thoughts.

after a few seconds, Soonyoung replied to him, “cancel and reschedule all my meetings for next week, i need to go somewhere”

he hurriedly grabs his coat and runs to the elevator. When he's inside, he lets out a big sigh.

Soonyoung went to his driver and asked for the key of his car. His driver wanted to refuse his request, but Soonyoung just gave him his infamous sharp gaze.

“pick up pick up pick up” he said when he's already in the driver's seat and started to call your best friend, Soo-jung.

“hello?” the person on the other side says.

Soonyoung's heart is pounding loudly, “hi, Soo-jung, this is Soonyoung” he can already see that Soo-jung wants to hang up on him, so he acts fast.

“Wait, don't hang up yet, i regret everything i've done to y/n, and i need you to tell me where she is” he says, sounding so desperate.

Soo-jung gave up. She wants you to have a happy ending, but Soonyoung sounds like he will end his life if not given your location.

“She's on her penthouse, Roosevelt penthouse, 90th floor, tell the receptionist that you're a guy whose y/n family sent,” Soo-jung said before she continues, “don't make me fucking regret this, Kwon Soonyoung”

“I won't”

Soonyoung drives at full speed. This is an urgent emergency for him.

He's finally in front of your door, but he's too scared to hit the bell on your door. He won't give up like he always does, so he pushes the button, and not long after, the intercom starts to let out your beautiful voice.

“Wait a second!”

He can imagine you rushing to open your door, and that is happening right now.

“Hi– Soonyoung?” You flabbergasted by his presence, ready to close your door.

“Wait! don't close it, i want to talk something with you” he says, with pleading eyes.

So you let him go inside of your Penthouse, and guide him to your living room.

“Talk” you said while looking straight at him.

“I want to say sorry for all of my actions and words I threw on you back then, I don't know what I'm doing. i loathed you since i saw you have a relationship with Mingyu. My heart gets broken every time i remember it.

I've hated mingyu's guts since 6th grade, I shouldn't have hated you too. You don't deserve it. I've liked you since the sophomore year of our college. i tried to ignore that feelings, even when our parents said that we're going to be married, I feel excited at that time, but when I remembered your relationship with Mingyu I tried not to give you any attention so my feelings can be ignored, but it's hard, it's hard when you look beautiful every single day, going to work, cooking breakfast.

I came here after I saw your tv show, and I realized that I'm not hurting you with only my actions, but my words too. i love you, y/n” he says, tears start to pool in his eyes, and they start to fall from his right eye.

“but the name you're calling on your sleep, it's—

he cuts you off, “I'm calling you, y/n. i used to call you with your last name, Han y/n, maybe you don't realize it” he says.

“So please, forgive me, I would do anything you want me to do, just so you can give me a second chance and be with me forever, once again” with a sobs, he starts to kneel in front of you.

You get up from your couch to grab his shoulders and hurry him to get up.

When he does, you crash your lips with him, which he reapprociate your kiss.

“I love you, y/n” he says between the kisses that start to get hotter by any second.

“I love you too, Soonyoung”

[ఇ ◝‿◜ ఇ]

“How's your relationship with Soonyoung?” Soo-jung asks while sipping her wine. It's been a few weeks since the ‘Soonyoung kneeling before you’ tragedy.

“It's been great. He's really putting efforts to fix our broken relationship” you said with a wide grin, remembering all your memories together for the past week.

Soonyoung has taken a break from his office life to fully focus on you. He even brought you to every place special to him, including his grandfather's grave.

“Glad to hear that, he calls me and sounds so desperate while asking me where's your location that time” you laugh it off with her, and your conversation gets longer than you intended.

At the end of the night, you're drunk, so Soo-jung has to call Soonyoung to pick you up, using your phone, which Soonyoung answers almost immediately.

“Kwon Soonyoung, i love you” you mumbles drunkenly when Soonyoung finally puts you on the passenger seat.

“I love you too, sweetheart” Soonyoung replied with a kiss on your forehead, he gives you a bottle of water to sober up a little.

When you both reach your shared home, you spend no time kissing Soonyoung's lips full of passion and lust as soon as he gets the door closed.

And that leads to other intimate activities to help you feel good and up all night.

[withleeknow]

for the requests — i'll send two songs that i've liked for quite a while and you can choose the member that you see who fits the vibe?

sand by dove cameron

and

make you mine by madison beer

conversations with strangers.

pairing: seungmin x gn!reader genre/warnings: exes to ??, non-idol au (i wrote this with seungmin in mind as a celebrity/singer or musician of some sort so it's pretty vague and it's not explicitly mentioned what he actually does, so if you wanna imagine him as an idol it still fits the narrative. i can't tell you what to do lol), Angst™️! (i think. i liked this at first but then i was looking at it so much that i became desensitized to it and idk if it's that sad anymore lol); the ending is a little ambiguous maybe?, mentions of drinking, mentions of sex, could've been more edited word count: 2.9k note: this might be one of my favorite things that i've written lately but i am also in my fish freshly dropped on land era so i am fully prepared for this to flop like ass lol bye

as always, i’d appreciate any thoughts or comments you may have, and please drop a like and/or reblog if you enjoy reading ♡

navigation / request masterlist / ko-fi

I saw the end when we began You couldn't love the way I can I tried to bargain with the stars For more than half of your heart But you have more pieces of me than the desert has sand And I have less pieces of you than I can hold in my hand

Sand - Dove Cameron

"Why did you call me?"

"Why did you come?"

There isn't a good answer to his question, so you choose to ignore it in favor of keeping your eyes on the road, your fingers holding tightly onto the steering wheel. You don't know what to tell him. You yourself aren't even sure why you came to that bar, why Seungmin is sitting in your passenger seat right now just because he was drunk and he wouldn't let anyone take him home but you.

"I asked you first," you say. It takes an effort to keep your voice even, an effort not to look over at him.

"Don't know," he sounds like he couldn't care less, but that's always been Seungmin for you. "Old habits die hard, I guess. You were the only one I used to call."

You round a corner without even having to look at the GPS. The route to his place is still ingrained in your brain even after all this time. On some nights when you feel too stuffy indoors, you would go on a walk by yourself. Directionless for an hour or two, you just want to feel the wind wrap around your body and solid ground beneath your feet.

On these same nights, you would find yourself at Seungmin's door.

It's always unintentional, the way your feet would carry you to his home without your permission.

"Used to," you reiterate. "Past tense. You don't get to call me anymore. I'm not your chauffeur."

You feel his eyes on the side of your face. Then his voice, ever so calm and collected, "You came anyway, didn't you?"

His words irritate you for some reason, even though he means nothing bad. No malice in his voice; he's just simply stating a fact. You did come when he called, and perhaps the person that you're really annoyed with is only yourself, because why did you come?

He should be a stranger to you by now, and yet, you're here.

Maybe you know the answer. Maybe it's not a hard question at all.

You let the both of you wallow in silence for the rest of the drive. When you pull up to Seungmin's building about ten minutes later, you finally turn to cast your gaze upon him with your eyebrow slightly raised, a polite Get out if there ever was one.

Instead of taking the hint like a normal person and going on his merry way, he just stares at you with his big eyes and his hair still styled to perfection even after a night of celebrating and drinking. Seungmin loves to be difficult, this you can't ever forget.

"Well?" you press. "You're home."

He blinks, then swallows thickly. He looks around your car for a few seconds, unsure of himself. If he wasn't intoxicated, you would think he's trying to stall.

"I... I can't go up by myself," he says.

"Are you serious?"

He just nods, something expectant in his gaze.

"You're a grown man."

"Help me up." He doesn't sound all too drunk, but maybe he's just got a way of masking it because Seungmin would never outright ask for help. He's stubborn, and he thinks it makes him look weak. Incapable.

In the end, you give in to his request. You let him lean on you in the elevator on the way up to his floor, the scent of his cologne still overpowering the bourbon he had all night and it makes you just a little nostalgic.

At his door, you hold onto his waist and look away when he punches in the passcode. The door unlocks and this should be it for the two of you, your unexpected reunion should be ending the moment Seungmin crosses over to the other side of the threshold, but he just turns around and looks at you, his body against the frame of the door this time.

"There, you're home safely," you say. "I've done my part. Goodnight."

"Come in."

"Why?"

"I'm tired. Come in." And with that, Seungmin retreats into the apartment, leaving the door open for you to follow without any further explanation at all. For a moment, you stand there by yourself, not really sure of what to do. You hear him shuffling inside, before the sound of his body plopping onto the couch carries over to your ears.

What business do you have here? What business did you have with Seungmin in the first place today?

And yet, you find yourself trailing inside, closing the door behind you until the lock clicks into place. Maybe you're curious to see what the place looks like since the last time that you were here. The two of you never lived together - you weren't foolish enough to agree even though he did ask - but you were over often enough to consider this your second home.

Not much has changed. It's still the same minimalist four walls that you were used to. Same light gray paint, same black couch. Same framed signature of his favorite baseball player and same tiny crack in the decorative bowl on the coffee table. There's a photo on the credenza lying face down seemingly on purpose, but you don't say anything about it.

"What am I doing here?" you ask.

"Why did you come?" he shoots you the question for the second time tonight.

You blink at him. He only stares back.

"Why did you call me?" you repeat. "Why did you really call me?"

Questions thrown out but no answers received, like you're both running in circles, with neither of you knowing why you're even running in the first place.

Seungmin purses his lips before he stands up, the suddenness of the movement leaves him unsteady on his feet, makes him hold onto the couch's armrest for support. "Do you want some water?"

You bite the inside of your cheek. "Okay."

"Give me a second. Have a seat."

You watch as he pads into the kitchen a little wobbly, then returns a few minutes later with two glasses of water. He sits back down on the couch next to you, some distance dividing the two of you. He takes a sip, you do the same.

"Called you because I missed you," he says, casually admitting it like he was merely discussing the weather. The place hasn't changed, but maybe he has.

The last time you spoke to Seungmin was about six months ago, when he dropped off your things two weeks after you broke up. You haven't had any contact since, and that's exactly the way it should be for you and him now. You went your separate ways and that was it. A mutual agreement that hurts, but it was mutual nonetheless. For the past half a year, all he's been to you is a stranger. You know why it had to happen. You agreed to it.

But, just because you haven't talked, doesn't mean that you haven't thought of him. You wish he only crossed your mind in passing, wish your brain only conjured up the image of him whenever you saw something that he would like, or whenever you caught a glimpse of him on the TV or radio. In reality, it's been much more pathetic. You think of him almost every day, despite your best efforts to cleanse yourself of everything that's remotely related to the name Kim Seungmin. His absence carries itself with you all the time, a hollowness that seeps into every crevice of your life.

You know he means it. Seungmin doesn't lie, least of all to you. His honesty twists inside of you like a knife. Salt, meet wound.

You have no words to offer him, no response you can think of that would make sense to say out loud so you don't say anything. The only sound that falls from your lips is his name, like a warning, a plea, a consolation all at once.

But he doesn't seem to mind. Not his sudden vulnerability, not your reluctance to entertain that split second of honesty.

"I answered your question. Now you have to answer mine," he says. "Why did you come?"

"What do you want me to tell you?"

He doesn't respond right away. Instead, he takes a moment like he's mulling it over in his head. "Thought maybe you missed me too," he says eventually, ending the sentence with a bitter chuckle. "Just a little bit."

You tongue your cheek, stall with another sip of water before you place the glass on the table. On a coaster of course, Seungmin hates cup rings on his fancy table.

You lean back to rest on the couch, staring up at his boring ceiling. There are memories of you on this very couch, ones of you lying with your head on his lap as he plays with your hair, the two of you winding down after a long day. Or ones that are far too inappropriate to bring up ever again, of nights where you were both too desperate and impatient to take it to the bedroom. Those gentle reminders are still here somewhere, tucked between the cushions perhaps.

"Sure." You hum, nodding along. "Let's go with that."

Another chuckle, humorless. Though, you think he's pleased enough with that non-answer but you're not sure. He mirrors your position, falling into the couch with a sigh. From your peripheral vision, you think he's scooched closer to you, just by a few centimeters, in the process of settling into the sofa.

"My turn," you say. "Why do you want me here?"

"What is this, 21 questions?"

You shrug simply. "You asked me to come in. I'm just curious."

When Seungmin stays silent for a beat too long, you turn your head to watch him, thinking maybe he's knocked out because of the alcohol in his system. But you find him wide awake, his eyes staring ahead, looking like he's already sober.

His face is unreadable when he says, "Wanted to see something."

"See what?"

"See if something is still there."

It's your turn to remain quiet as you process his words, and it's Seungmin who has to turn to gauge your reaction.

"And? Is anything still there?" you ask.

"I don't know, you tell me. You're the one that stayed."

"Does it matter? If I say there is?"

"Of course it does."

"What would you do about it?"

He goes still once more. You know he doesn't have an answer to your question. What would he do? What could he even do? Patch things up only for them to fall apart again in a couple months? Once upon a time, you were naive enough to think that you could find a way to make it work. You had enough blind faith to think that it would all work out in the end; that if you wanted it enough, maybe the universe would let you have this one thing.

You return your gaze to the ceiling. He's shown you his cards, maybe it's only fair that you show him some of yours too.

An uncertain inhale, then the realization that this is the only time you would be able to have an honest conversation with him about this.

"Wanna hear something funny?" you ask.

"I have a feeling you're gonna tell me anyway."

It's anything but funny, and Seungmin is certain that you're not building up to a punchline. Sure, it's a little tragic that nothing matters, but there's some freedom, some comfort in that too. You can tell him everything that's plagued your mind for the past couple hundred days or so without having to worry about the repercussions. Even though not all is said, everything is already done.

"You know, you were mine before you were anyone else's," you say. You feel his eyes on the side of your face. The silence persists, and you aren't sure if you can take it as a sign to continue, but you do so anyway because at least he's not pumping the brakes on it, right? "I used to be jealous of your life. Toward the end, I mean."

"Jealous of what?"

"I don't know. Just your life, your dream. All of it."

Seungmin blinks. "You were jealous that I got to live my dream?"

"I said I was jealous of your life, not you," you correct him. "Because you always seemed to want everything else more than you wanted me."

"You make it sound like I was the bad guy." He turns a little defensive all of a sudden, an edge in his voice when he says, "That's not true."

You still remember him well enough to know that it is.

And it's not such a terrible thing; it's simply the truth. You can't fault him for having a dream and for having enough courage to see it through, even if it means unintentionally leaving you behind in the process. You could foresee the end even from the beginning. If you wanted to blame someone, you would have to blame yourself too.

You swerve around his metaphorical walls, his make-believe suit of armor. If you'd been nervous around Seungmin tonight, then that anxiety is now chipping away brick by brick the more you internalize the fact that nothing matters anymore.

"Remember your last show before we broke up? You were so happy, I was so proud of you. You belong on stage and I never wanted to take that away from you. But then I noticed the crowd, the thousands of people out there cheering your name and I realized that I would never compare to them. Their praise meant more to you than mine, and it was only a matter of time before you outgrew me to look for bigger and better spotlights.

"I'm not saying you were wrong for any of it. I don't blame you. You were always going to outgrow me. It's sad, but it's okay. I always knew that you'd have to leave me behind at some point. It's on me too; I just fell too hard too fast for someone who could never stay. It's your dream, you can't help it. But that night... that was the nail in the coffin for me, knowing that one day, to you, I would be just one of the faces in a crowd that you can't even tell apart."

It doesn't hurt as much as you thought it would. In fact, it's even a little cathartic to pour out the words that have been sitting heavy on your chest. Although it's not until a single tear spills over that you realize your eyes have welled up somewhere along the way. You quickly wipe it away with your thumb, then you feel his hand reach for yours after a few beats.

Seungmin calls your name, and you can hear the regret in his voice. When you look at him, his eyes have softened, no longer on the defense now that you've beat him to the offense. "I'm not drunk enough to forget about this in the morning, you know," he says.

"Does it matter? What are you going to do about it in the morning?" you ask. "We're already broken up. It's not like we can go anywhere from here. But at least now you know what it was like for me."

It seems to be a common theme tonight - stretches of silence in between admissions of truth so that one of you can gauge the other's reaction, trying to assess what path would be worth it to take at this crossroad you find yourselves unable to move on from.

Then he's tugging on your hand, pulling you to him until you're in each other's orbit again. Close enough for him to wrap his arm around you. Close enough that you're weak, not that you were ever that strong to begin with. It doesn't really come as a surprise that you let him.

"I..." Seungmin starts, full of uncertainty as he tries to string together a sentence. "We could go back."

This isn't a surprise either, that you're considering his words.

"What happens when it ends again?"

You can practically taste the residual bourbon on his breath when he leans into you, his lips brushing your cheek just slightly. "Then it ends again," he says, a little pained, all too selfish. "But it'll be worth it. It's worth it to me."

"What if it's not what I want? What if it's not worth it to me?"

He pulls back, putting some distance between your faces so he could see you better, the deep brown of his eyes searching for something that you're both aware of.

"You came tonight," he murmurs, as if that in and of itself is a sufficient enough explanation. "You stayed."

Not all is said, but everything is already done.

You had chance after chance after chance to leave, to shut this down - whatever this is - but you didn't, not even once. You're still a willing participant even though you've lived through this ending before. You know he loved you, know he loves you even if the way he goes about it is selfish.

Because you do know the answer to his questions. It's clear as day; anyone can see it from a mile away.

When your world eventually comes crashing down again some time from now, you won't blame Seungmin. You won't blame yourself either, despite having option to walk away from all of this right now.

Because maybe some pains are worth enduring twice, aren't they?

Why did you come? Why did you stay?

Is anything still there?

all rights reserved © withleeknow. reposting, translating and/or modifying is not permitted by any means. [posted 08.06.2024]

[kinardsevan]

I figured it out. Why hearing that Tommy is a plot device/temporary is so infuriating. It’s the equivalent of being told “it’s just a phase”. As in, Buck just needs a phase to “figure out” being bisexual so then he can guide Eddie through it??? That logic is fucked on so many levels.

Evan Buckley is a grown ass man. He may be figuring out what he likes coming from another man vs a female in a committed relationship, but it’s not like he’s NEVER kissed or had sex with someone before.

Also, I’ve put off saying this, but I think (one of) the things that bothers me most about the possibility of Buddie on any level is that you have to trust in the whole “I fall for my best friend and they fall back at the same time” trope. That shit is not only rare, it’s painful. And given that 911 tends to go for realism (on some level) versus the fantasy when it comes to building relationships, you can’t tell me that Buddie would get it easy. But there’s an entire class of people who think this is the hard part, and one day Eddie is just gonna wake up and realize now that Buck is canonically bisexual. But like… that’s not very realistic? Also, the point Ryan keeps making about Eddie being heterosexual. And also, I genuinely believe that given the original plans for Tommy’s arc, that when Ryan said no, that was their chance.

Hear me out:

Buck would’ve been far easier to flip on a whim of “I’m into my best friend” after Eddie having a moment with Tommy. The ground work is already there, with previous situations (TK, etc). Eddie on the other hand, has so many other issues to contend with (Shannon, Christopher, his faith) that without someone basically shoving him in that direction, it really doesn’t fit.

To which brings my point: I feel like there was probably a conversation (at the very least, if not more than one) had at some point before the season started, and knowing the ideas Tim had on the table, there was an engagement of “this is the direction we want to move in, how do you feel about it?” Because truth be told, you can’t force someone six years into their contract to suddenly make changes they’re not cool with. and again, I feel like when that possibility was broached, and Ryan said no but Oliver said yes, this was the result.

Ryan does not want to play a queer character. Oliver doesn’t have a problem with doing so, nor does Lou. (And all of that is OKAY). But to that end, Ryan literally cannot be forced to do so if he does not want to. (I imagine there are probably bylaws via SAG/AFTRA that ensure this under some level of sexual harrassment, etc). And again, it’s one thing for an actor to read fanfiction about their character, even send it to their scene partner and be like “hey look at this”. But that doesn’t equate to them being like “okay yeah, the fans want it so we should do it”. Case in point? Go look at the entire Marvey fandom in Suits. I personally have a retweeted twt from Aaron Korsh like 6/7/8 years ago which I commented on the two of them kissing. Guess what? It never happened. And AK and Co were well aware of the side of the fandom that wanted those two together.

I don’t know what happens with Lou and Tommy from here on out obvs. They’re certainly teeing up some options, though we don’t have any clear answers due to just entering hiatus last week. But even if he’s gone in s8, that will never ensure that Buddie happens, and I’m not even trying to be mean about that. It’s just fact.

[thesunhatesme]

🎨Art class - HC🎨

*Cumulus is holding an art class for the pack because some of them, not pointing at anyone in specific, *cough cough Dew cough*, could use some calming down*

*Cumulus walking over to Dew and looking over his shoulder:oh are you doing the classic live laugh love? Dew:Is that really something you think I would do? Cumulus:no, but it says live laugh so… *Dew, quickly filling in the last two words* Dew, holds his canvas up:There, it’s done Cumulus, concerned:live laugh toaster bath? Dew:yepp Dew, puts his canvas on the drying wrack and walks away:

*Cumulus continuing on over to rain* Cumulus:Ooo, shark themed, I see Rain: obviously Cumulus: swim fast? Is that all? Rain:it’s not done yet Rain:it’s gonna say swim fast eat ass Cumulus:…oh Cumulus:Fun!

Cumulus, turning to Swiss:and how’s your work coming along Swiss? Swiss: It’s going great! Cumulus:Good! What’s it gonna say? I can see give me.. Swiss:give me head till I’m dead Cumulus: Cumulus:as long as it makes you happy, love

Cumulus, walking over to Cirrus and taking her glass of wine and chugging it: Cirrus:you good? Cumulus: yeah, your picture looks so pretty! Can I see what it says? Cirrus, holds her picture up and pours herself more wine: Cumulus, reading: professional gaslighter Cirrus, sipping wine: Cumulus:well that’s more of a confirmation than something that makes you happy Cumulus:but I guess that could work too

Cumulus, turning to aurora:and how's it going for you, princess? Aurora, holding her picture up and reading it: I will never be known as a woman who kept her mouth shut Cumulus, smiling:I have never been so proud of you as I am now

Cumulus:How's it going over here? Mountain, holds up his picture: Cumulus, reading:Plants Cumulus:You don't want to add anything more? Mountain:No Cumulus:not even a picture of a plant Mountain:No Cumulus:Okay then, as long as it makes you happy, dear

Cumulus:And what's it say on your one, papa? Papa: love is in the air WRONG gas leak Cumulus:Oh, that's- it's really... uhmm *Pauses* Cumulus: It’s really you, papa

Cumulus: And how’s it going for the bat Phantom, with paint in his face and hair:Great! This is so much fun Cumulus, smiling:I can see that Cumulus:What’s your sign gonna say, I can see you’ve made a list Phantom:Be like a bat! Phantom:Communicate in screams Phantom:Eat your bodyweight in food Phantom:Be irreplaceable Cumulus:I love it! Are you gonna put it up in your room?

Phantom:definitely

[basilpaste]

osis!swap. because i was thinking about lock.

(Under the tree is…)

(You're not sure what you're looking at, actually. It looks like a bunch of inanimate objects piled together.)

(It has a face. Or at least it has a mouth. The thing grimaces when you see it.)

〘"Hi."〙

(It talks! It can speak!)

("… Hi." You say back.)

〘"Welcome to your rebirth! This is your first loop!" Its porcelain darkless hands come up into the most pathetic jazz-hands you've ever seen.〙

(WH. HUH???? HOW DID THIS THING KNOW ABOUT-)

〘"Sorry!" It yelps, waving its hands nervously, "That's probably a spooky thing to hear from something you just met!"〙

(You sputter. "H-how do you know about how I-" You can't finish that.)

(It seems thoughtful for a moment. Looking at this stranger now, you notice that its head is almost shaped like a planet. There's a ring that wraps around it where its eyes would be.)

〘"How do I know you died?" It finishes for you.〙

(… You nod.)

〘"I saw it." It says quietly, regretfully, "It's my job to watch over you."〙

(Is this some sort of agent of the Universe? That doesn't make sense, though. A higher being watching over a person is… that's weird. Not how the Universe works. You think.)

("Why?")

〘"… You're looping through time. I'm here to act as a guide to you, Siffrin."〙

(You freeze. "HOW DO YOU KNOW MY NAME?")

〘"Er." It looks away, head bobbing slightly, "I know things about the loops, but I also know things about you. Like your name, your parties names, and other important things. Like… pronouns."〙

(You're not entirely sure if you'd put pronouns on the top of important things for a celestial body to know??? Also you're kind of freaking out.)

(Instead of freaking out more you find your voice. "Do you. Have pronouns?")

(… Good question, Siffrin. Great going.)

〘It laughs, bright and warm despite how quiet it seems. "Hah! Yeah. Yes, I have pronouns."〙

(…)

〘"It/its. If you don't mind." It sighs. "Like I said: I'm your guide. A something. Think of me as... a tool. A, uh, resource to use!"〙

(Well... at least if you know this one's pronouns, you can think about how out of place it seems. Like a swing taking a role it doesn't know. You nod.)

〘"Oh! Right, um. There's a lot of information that I'm gonna throw at you in a second!" It gestures at the space under the branches of the tree, "You might want to sit down?"〙

(That's. Probably a good idea? Your legs are shaky and your heart is racing so you should probably sit that might help.)

〘"Woah, buddy!" It exclaims, "Take a breath?"〙

(Hah! Yeah, yeah, you should do that! You were just thinking about the fact that your heart was racing. You should breathe. That might help! Probably!!!)

(In)

(And out.)

〘"Pheeeeeeeew." It breathes with you.〙

(... It kind of reminds you of someone. The way it holds itself.)

〘"So... the loops, huh?"〙

(You nod. "The loops.")

〘"Every time you die, you'll loop back in time. Like... what just happened. Until you break the loop."〙

(You squint at it, "Can't you just tell me how to do that?"

〘"Er..." It looks away from you, "No? I'm a resource, not an answer key. I'm here to help, but I don't really have all the answers. Sorry."〙

(Oh... thats disappointing. You guess you'll have to figure that part out on your own then??? The actual important part? Which is not being trapped in a death loop forever?)

(... Actually.)

(It's not all bad, is it? Being back means you have a chance to try again! To do better next time!!! You won't die like an idiot this time! You'll make your way to the King and then break the loops! No problem!)

〘"So I can't tell what you're thinking but I can sort of guess and I probably wouldn't think about things like that? If I were you? And obviously I'm not you, but I just wanted to, uh, give you that little nugget of wisdom."〙

(!!!)

(Weird! You're not sure how to read this guy at all! This guy... hm)

("Do you have a name?" You ask it.)

〘"... Do I need one?" It replies, tilting its body to the side. Its head follows a beat later.〙

(You think about your own name.)

("I can't just call you nothing, can I?")

〘"You can call me whatever you want! Your guide, your resource, cr-stars! You can even just call me annoying, haha!"〙

(It's weird, for sure, but you don't know if you'd call it annoying? Maybe it is, but you don't really have a super strong opinion yet? You can't tell if you like or hate this guy yet.)

(You shrug, "I guess? But give me something to call you. So I won't forget.")

(It hugs itself, mouth pressing into a thin line. Oh, stars. Did you already make it mad at you?)

〘"... You can call me Lock." It tells you finally, "Your tool for breaking the loops, Lock. Ironic, huh?"〙

[bottle-of-newts]

Heyo, small disclaimer here, this is a Star Rail lore/theory dump abt the Rating Pistol Curio with A LOT of spoilers. Most of them are from the Penacony storyline, but there might be a few major ones from the Xianzhou Loufu arc. Most of them are Penacony 2.1 and 2.2 tho so if you aren't there yet I do not suggest reading under the cut!!! Ty <33

Those of you interested, buckle up y'all, it's a long one.

Okay, so I was feeling a little silly while doing my daily quest on the space station and decided to rate (with the Rating Pistol curio) my main team, which consists of Acheron, Pela, Sampo and Luocha.

So you could imagine my surprise when it only gave me a number per usual for one character, that being Pela. (She was like a 98 or something)

Instead, for Acheron, Sampo, and Luocha, it gave me this:

The same message, everytime, no matter what I did. I can't say I was very surprised abt Acheron - I mean, she's an Emanator of Nihility. Of course she's probably gonna get a weird response. Who intrigued me the most, was Sampo. Why was he getting such a weird rating like Acheron and Luocha (who we know quite literally nothing abt from the game itself, only some theroies from past Honkai installments)? Was it because he's a Masked Fool?

Well lucky for me, I have Sparkle, so I decided to see if that was the case.

No dice, it gave me the standard response. The character's name, and a seemingly random number that, from what I can tell, never changes. I decided to try the Trailblazer next, thinking the Stellaron they carry might have some kind of influence on the score, but I got pretty much the same result. The name I gave, and a seemingly random number. (84, if you're curious to see if it's the same on all accounts.)

So, I decided to run down the roster of all the characters I own, and came up with 4 other different ratings among my 34 characters.

First hit was Huo Huo, likely the Pistol discerning her and Tail as two separate but very closely tied entities...or just digging on the poor girl because that's just Hoyo's favorite thing to do I guess.

Second hit was Clara - which makes sense considering it seems to have done something similar to HuoHuo and Tail. It read both Clara and Svarog. Who's score is who's however, I cannot tell. I wouldn't be surprised if Hoyo has a random number generator they use and just assign a character a number.

Third hit was Dan Heng's. This one wasn't really a surprise considering the whole Imbibitor Lunae thing. I wish I had Dan Heng - Imbibitor Lunae though, cause now I'm curious to see the rating it gives him, and if it's the same or not. If anyone has him and is willing please reblog or send me a ss of the response!! I'm super curious!!

The last hit though probably surprised me the most. I was expecting Tingyun, Misha, or maybe even Gallagher to have a hit of some kind, even if it wasn't as major as "Rating Invalid." Just something to indicate confusion at either Misha not even being real, or Tingyun being a puppet of Phantilya and likely not the real Tingyun (I'm coping shut up).

No no, instead my 4th hit was none other than -

March 7th.

This actually really shocked me at first. Why in the world is sweet March 7th getting a similar rating to an Emanator??? Of Nihility at that?? And then it hit me.

March 7th's companion quest.

The majority of the quest is March 7th and Fu Xuan using the Matrix of Prescience to search March's mind for her lost memories, trying to see if maybe they're simply blocked by trauma response or if they've been tampered with. They find out someone has indeed tampered with her memories after all, and it's not just some random bad guy either. It's the Garden of Recollection themselves. And they are insistent on March not digging any deeper into her memories, claiming it doesn't matter to her anymore, what matters is who she is as a person right now.

And considering the rating and who she shares that rating with - talk about suspicious. I don't think it has to do with her amnesia, while she does share memory problems with Acheron, there is nothing to indicate Sampo or Luocha suffer anything similar. Another thing is - the Rating Pistol never says any of their names, hinting that maybe that's another thing they share with Acheron - a fake name, or an alias...and if you know even a little about past Honkai lore like I do (and the stuff ik surrounds Welt) then you know that possibly implicates Luocha.

So what could this all mean?

I think it could mean a multitude of things. Considering we don't know exactly how the Rating Pistol's score works, it makes it difficult to know it's criteria, especially since I don't have quite a few characters that have a possibility to give us a better understanding. Characters like Blade, Jingliu, Imbibitor Lunae, two essentially undead powerhouses and the reincarnation of a former High Elder, or even Topaz and Aventurine, two of the Ten Stonehearts. (Again if anyone is willing to ss the Rating Pistol's response to any of these characters and reblog, please do!!! I'd love to hear your two cents on the matter too <33)

But what we can tell is it seems to recognize a certain level of power. Which only makes this more confusing - because if that's the case why is an intelligence officer like Pela getting a 98 for a score while Boothill, a Galaxy Ranger with a hefty bounty on his getting a 44?? But, putting aside the Curio for a second, let's look at what the 3 share in common along with Acheron.

Mystery. We know nothing about March prior to the Express, we know next to nothing about Luocha besides that he doesn't seem to be a fan of the Abundance and there is something or someone wicked weird in that coffin - and all we know for sure about Sampo is he's a Masked Fool. Otherwise, we don't know shit about the guy.

( There's a lot of theories the guy isn't even from Jarilo VI after Topaz's trailer, and I can't say I blame them. The whole Masked Fool reveal and him leaving his Mask at the Tavern isn't helpful either. Maybe Belobog was a place for him to lay low, not his homeworld. Either way, he's likely left the planet at some point.)

What I honestly think is that maybe the Emanator of Elation! Sampo theories may hold a little more merit than I thought. I can't say I support the theory for sure, but this along with Sparkle asking him if something bad is coming to Jarilo VI once he asks for his Mask back...certainly does hint at the fact man is quite a bit stronger than he acts. He is a Masked Fool, I suppose. Acting is kinda their schtick.

But that doesn't mean March 7th or Luocha are Emanators either - only that they definitely possess power - power likely close to an equal level with an Emanator, whether they know it or not. Besides, I struggle to think of any path Luocha could follow, unless he was somehow made an Emanator of Abundance against his will, and his hunt for the Aeon is so he can be free of being tied to the path. But March doesn't entirely show much evidence of being an Emanator. In fact there's nothing really specific that points to anything about her past identity.

All we know is she definitely holds more power than what she currently uses, and what kind of power that is exactly is something we'll have to wait and find out, unfortunately, just like we do with Sampo and Luocha.

Anyways, thank you for reading my longass rant, if you enjoyed it or have something to add please please PLEASE comment or reblog/tell me in the tags or SOMETHING, I love talking abt lore with other people and learning stuff abt some of my favorite stories <33

[fernhelm]

opinions on the black sister relationships? i love your character posts sm!

i’m blowing you a kiss!

i love thinking about them…sorry this took so long, i was busy lounging and watching killing eve. i might type up something about the dynamic between the three of them, but i broke them down into pairs here.

bella & cissa ♛

i made a webweave here that basically sums up my thoughts on bellacissa. i do think cissa thinks she’s a fanatic and completely bonkers, but she’d defend her anyway. narcissa appreciates that in their patriarchal fucked up family, bella is carving her own path—she isn’t docile or ladylike at all. so cissa takes some vicious pleasure in how unleashed bella is. conversely, bellatrix has a deep-seeded jealousy FOR narcissa, who is at least able to play the part of the perfect pure blood woman in a way bellatrix never could. my vision is that druella has contempt for bella but pays a lot of attention to narcissa. once druella is dead, bella sees narcissa as both her baby and her mother in a way, and she resents both. but i won’t get into bella here she deserves her own post.

bella & andy ♞

the hardest relationship for me is bella and andy. my belief is that these two are one year apart in age, like irish twins. we know from dh that they’re basically identical. I think they were pitted against each other a lot. they both end up teaching each other how conditional someone caring for you can be. it’s obvious that andy leaving really wounds bella (as evidenced by the ferocity with which she wants to kill ted and tonks), so there is a degree of power andy hold over her emotionally. bella is both the terrorist and the protector in the home. she goes after both her sisters, but it’s with the ultimate goal of making them strong enough to face anything that’s thrown at them…andy doesn’t want to change her or save her—she knows all the dark, evil parts of her and grapples with all the times bella showed her tenderness or turned her rage against someone else for her sake. i think they can read each other’s body language perfectly, but don’t understand each other’s minds at all. once they’re older they fight all the time, verbally if not with magic, and it would start with bella making some pointed jabs to get her attention and andy curating a biting response without looking up from her magazine and just like that they’re dueling. but once it’s over and they’re panting on the floor, bella would kick her leg and they’d smirk at each other a bit. or one of them would storm out. i do think that andy did bella’s hair for every event they attended between the ages of 8 and 16. huh, i guess i have more to say about them than i thought i did.

andy & cissa ♝

narcissa spends years stepping in the footprints andy has left behind. before she figures out who she is, she’s just a ghost of andy. she learns all her best defenses from her. i don’t think andy feels very bad about leaving her behind. i don’t think she’d try to convince narcissa to go with her either. she would miss her so much, but she’d grieve her like she’s dead. i don’t see her as a person who holds on to a lot of regrets. and she’s in love! she wants to run away and forget every bad thing that ever happened to her! is that a crime? narcissa thinks it is. growing up andy was her strongest ally, and she takes it as the ultimate betrayal when she leaves. similarly to regulus, she looks down on andy and maligns her whenever her name comes up, but it’s a cover up for how hurt she is. andy knows all the reasons that narcissa thinks she’s trapped in the life she leads, but she still thinks ‘if you want out, get out.’

daughters 1, 2, 3 ♙

fairy tales often follow a 1 2 3 format because it’s easy to remember a moral lesson tied up with a bow when it comes in a set of three (three billy goats, beauty and the beast, the peverell brothers). it goes bad bad good. so it’s super interesting that the ostensibly “good” one, andy, is the middle child. she is bookended by two death eater sisters. which raises the question: what went wrong (or right) with her? and for the others too—narcissa in canon is primarily draco’s mother, but giving her andromeda AND bellatrix as sisters raises all kinds of questions about her upbringing and interpersonal relationships. bellatrix chases and scolds narcissa at the beginning of half-blood prince, and she’s not particularly scary at all. the terrifying evil bitch who killed sirius calls her sister cissy? three sisters who mean vastly different things to harry, but we never get the three of them in a room, so so much is left to the imagination. lots to play with. good things come in threes!

[cherryobx]

pool date

pairing: sarah cameron x reader

request: here

summary: you and sarah spend the day beside the pool

warnings: mentions of butts idk

wc: 0.9k

“I’m so fucking hot. I feel like I’m being cooked alive,” you groan. You and Sarah were laying on the beach lounge chairs beside the pool at her Tannyhill house. She lifts her sunglasses and turns her head to look at you.

“You are hot.” She smirks.

You roll your eyes as you get up your chair and sit next to her on hers. Her hand immediately finds your thigh and she starts tracing patterns on your skin.

“Stop flirting and put on your sunscreen once in a while. I’ve had to remind you like three times already. I don’t wanna hear your whining later about how you’re in pain and how your skin is peeling off. And then I’m gonna have to be the one lathering you in aloe vera gel.”

“You’d love that.” She grabs a strawberry from the little table next to her and takes a bite of it. She then extends her hand towards your mouth and you part your lips so she can put the half-eaten strawberry between them.

“Hm?” you ask, chewing the strawberry and raising an eyebrow in question.

“Lathering me in sunscreen or aloe vera. You just love touching me in general.”

“I do,” you admit.

“Simp.” She scoffs playfully. 

“Only for you.” You lean down and give her a small but sweet peck on the lips, then grabbing the sunscreen

You open it and squeeze some of it into your hand before applying it to her face. She closes her eyes and lets you rub it into her skin. Once you’re done with her face you move lower and lower until the front side of her body is covered in sunscreen.

“I need you to lay on your front now, babe.”

Sarah opens her eyes. “But I’m comfortable like this and it’s not like the sun can reach my back when I’m laying on my back.”

“I don’t care. Flip.” She groans but does as you say. 

“You just wanna see my ass, perv.”

“And what if I do, huh? What are you gonna do about it?” You start applying the sunscreen on her back and then slowly move down her body once again.

“I don’t know. Guess I should let you. Because I’m nice like that.”

“You’re nice for letting me see your ass? Babe, this bikini is barely covering anything. I can see it whether you let me or not. Plus, I’m your girlfriend. I get to see it whenever I want.” 

You make sure to pay extra attention to her ass and thighs just to rile her up. 

“Perv,” she mutters under her breath.

“I heard that.” You slap one of her cheeks and she mock-gasps, looking at you over her shoulder.

“You deserved it.” You shrug and finally put down the sunscreen. Sarah pushes herself up to a sitting position and adjusts the back of the chair so she can lean against the backrest.

Grabbing another strawberry from the bowl beside you, you position yourself between her legs, your back against her chest, and rest your head against her shoulder.

You take a bite and then hold the rest of it out for her, just like she did before. She opens her mouth and you put it between her teeth.

“You really are hot,” she comments.

“Why thank you, so are you.”

“I meant hot as in you’re sweaty and covered in sunscreen so you’re literally sticking to me.”

“At least I don’t forget to put on sunscreen, like some of us. Not naming any names.” You smirk and turn your head to look up at her.

“I don’t forget!”

“You don’t? Then why do I have to remind you all the time?”

“Because you’re annoying.”

“No, I’m not. I care about your skin and your health.”

“Still annoying.” She rolls her eyes but leans down for a kiss.

“Mkm,” you hum against her lips and you feel her smile.

Sarah then pulls down her sunglasses to cover her eyes from the sun once again and leans back a bit so she can continue tanning. You grab your book from the table, opening and holding it just at the right angle so it covers the sun and you can read in peace.

“What are you reading?”

You close the book, showing her the cover. “This.”

“Wait, I read that last year!” she exclaims. “You’ll love it, it’s so good.”

“I know, I stole it from your shelf.”

“Thief!” 

“You should let your girlfriend have access to your things at all times because what’s yours is hers or whatever they say.”

“Who says that?”

“...Me.”

“Of course.” You can hear the eyeroll and smile in her voice.

Occasionally you feel her lips on your shoulder, neck and jaw, pressing light kisses there.

“Who’s the simp now?” you smirk.

“Shut up,” she mumbles against your shoulder as she playfully sinks her teeth into your skin, biting you lightly, before grabbing your jaw and turning your head so she can kiss you properly.

"That's so gay."

"I'm literally your girlfriend."

You laugh and continue reading the book. You love days like this. You and Sarah together doing nothing. It’s so relaxing and not just for your bodies but your minds as well. Sometimes your lives can be so hectic, so finding the time to just lie around is very important for both of you. 

You spend the day together beside the pool until the sun goes down. You swim, tan, read, feed each other fruit (and remind Sarah to apply sunscreen once in a while). 

[giffenprep]

My Stepmom's Game

In this story here I explained how my stepmom found my computer stash of spanking photos, many of which showed a young guy getting spanked by an attractive MILF.  It wasn’t hard for her to figure out what I was thinking!  She ‘offered’ to show me what spanking was ‘really’ like, though I’m not sure I ever had a choice!

She also decided that as long as I was ‘volunteering’ to get ‘demonstration’ spankings she might as well spank me (hard!) when I did something she didn’t like.  That’s in this story here.

She confiscated my collection, a lot of them were drawings.  (Like the ones by ‘Barb’ described here.)

One got me a really bad spanking was just because the guy’s butt was so red!  (Read about it here.)

She came up with a ‘game’ she likes, that’s what I call it anyway.  It could be called ‘What Did He Do?’

She shows or even sends me a picture sometimes, one from my ‘collection’, and asks, “What do you think this boy did?”

My first answer is usually, “I dunno.”  But I always get the feeling we’re going to be acting this out very shortly!

“She’s using a paddle, she couldn’t be too happy with him,” she ‘observes’.  “Nice clothes, maybe he has a job, just got home from work?”

“Maybe he was supposed to be home a lot earlier,” I say.  I mean, I have to offer something.

“And he gets the paddle?  Must not be the first time,” Mom says.

“Guess so,” I usually agree.  “Or they’re supposed to be somewhere, maybe?”

“Oh, yes, that’s probably it.  I thought she was dressed for the office but maybe they were supposed to go out,” she decides.  “Probably too late now.”

“Probably.”

“And she’s spanking pretty hard,” she says.

“What?  What makes you say that?” I ask.

“Look at how he’s gripping the chair leg.”

“Oh, yeah.”

“And his head’s almost to the floor.  She’s smacking him really low,” she continues.

This makes me really uncomfortable.

Then she usually asks something like, “Do you think they’re almost done?” and I always say, ‘Probably,’ which is almost never right.  “I mean, his butt’s red already.”

“Yes, but they’ve missed their reservations so they’ve got nowhere to be, she’s probably just getting started.  Either that or they can still make it and this is just a little spanking, with the real fireworks when they get home.”

“Oh,” is all I can think of.

“Which do you think it is, sweetie?”

“I dunno…”

“It is, after all, your picture,” she reminds me.

“Ah, I guess, the first one?” I say, thinking one long spanking would be better than two.

“Yes, that’s what I think, too,” she agrees.  “Get me a chair, would you, please?”

“But, ah, I wasn’t late!”

“No, not tonight you weren’t.  It was last Thursday.  I had hoped you’d be home on time.  We could have played a fun little spanking game but you weren’t here.”

“I didn’t even know!” I protest.

“Chair, sweetie?  You were getting me a chair?”

“Yes, Ma’am…”

[sstardustt3]

Johnny cade headcannonsss

Authors notes- um so my writers block is gone (yipeee) and I decided that from now on this is just going to be a general writing account instead of something focused exclusively on one fandom (I'm still gonna do creepypasta stuff dw) but I didn't realize how much writing for one singular thing burns the fuck out of you so I'm doing this because it's much more easier and I'm gonna upload more because I'm on summer break. Anyways I'm on an outsiders kick rn so this is the result of it

tags/ warnings- mentions of abuse, johnny being a gossip whore, angst, fluff, johnny thinking negatively about himself, brief mention of romance, someone please give him a hug-

-Johnny is really fucking strong despite looking kinda scrawny but he believes no one when they tell him this (he thinks they're just trying to make him more confidant)

-If he did have a s/o then nine times out of then they've asked him to carry them everywhere

-he hates physical contact he can't stand it especially if he's not ready for it like if you hug him from behind. mostly because everytime someone touches him it's to hurt him but also another is because he just hates being surprised

-his body is so unbelievably cold all the time that even if there was a heat wave in the area at like 120*f he would still feel like he's on the brink of dying from hypothermia

-something he picked up from Dally is being rude to people for like no reason he doesn't even do it intentionally he just kinda says the most outlandish rude shit about people and does not even realize it

-adding onto things he's picked up from hanging with dally is how to talk to girls, contrary to popular belief he's actually not (completely) clueless with girls and he can sweet talk if he really wants to (he starts off stumbling like an idiot though)

-he's failling a good percentage of his classes for half the year because he figured that he wasn't gonna go far in life even if his he didn't end up dead by 18 and his parents don't care about him enough to check his report cards

-at the end of the year the week before you can't do any more retakes and turn in late work he'll just do everything in one go because he doesn't really wanna be held back (he ends up passing with b's and c's)

-he's actually really good at making shit he has a drawer full of small little trinkets he's made in his spare time

-he learned how to make things to pass the time because before the gang he really didn't have friends and he didn't have a good excuse to go out anyway so he just locked himself in his room and began making things out of paper and rearranging action figures he stole from the junkyard or from second-hand stores

-more than half of his creations look like the shit Sid from toy story made

-he's so oblivous when people like him it's ridiculous and when he does realize they like him he just kinda is like "oh...oh...OH?!!!"

-even when he does like them back his first instance is to distance himself from them he thinks it's something that'll like pass

-he's dyslexic which is why he always makes Ponyboy do his English homework and read his homework to him in general

-adding onto the headcanon about him being cold all the time, for that very reason you'll never catch him out of him dead out of his jacket (well I guess that's not true bc he died without it but wtv)

-another reason is that he has a lot of scarring and bruises from his parents that he hates seeing

-dally was the first person to meet Johnny and he was kinda like "damn look at that little possum...it's coming home with me" and when he asked Johnny his name he had mumbled it so when he said it it sounded like Johnny cakes so for like half a year dally called him that before randomly correcting him

"yeah, so johnny cakes here-"

"Johnny Cade."

"huh? What you say, little man?"

"My name's Johnny Cade, not Johnny Cakes."

"..."

"..."

"are you serious-"

-Johnny's a gossip whore whether he admits it or not. the perks of being quiet and going unnoticed is that people will say there business loud and proud in front of you because they have forgotten you were even there.

-he will without a doubt tell Ponyboy after.

-and since Ponyboy has little to no understanding of the meaning of keeping things to himself he will in fact tell the rest of the gang

*requests for hcs/ or fics are always welcome*

[my-rose-tinted-glasses]

My Love Mix-Up - Episode 1

Before anything else. To say I was skeptical would be an understatement. I am a massive fan of the japanese version. I have also read the manga. Both Aoki and Ida are on my top favourite ql characters list. And I have a weird a relationship with remakes of all kinds. I question the need for them a lot. I get too attached to the original work and have trouble separating that. This is not a ql exclusive thing btw and I know it's a me problem.

Just a couple of things that I've been thinking about.

Both @lurkingshan here and @bengiyo here have written already that the main roles seem to be playing against the actors strengths and I completely agree. I don't think Fourth excels at the physical comedy bits that are a big part of the character imo. I think Gemini might've done better here. Perhaps even better - @happypotato48 made a great observation here about how Aungpao would be such a good choice for this. I agree.

Gemini's not doing necessarily a bad job at playing Ida Kongthap although he's leaning too much into the confused look and I'm not a fan. That first reaction to the eraser read more aggressive than confused which I thought was weird but I guess he made up for that by looking confused the rest of the episode.

Also about the cat. I love cats. So I'm not at all bothered that Kongthap has a cat instead of a dog Mametaru, like it's about the sponsors I get it. But I wonder if they chose a white cat to match the one that can be seen lounging outside of school in Kieta Hatsukoi.

Cause if that is the case, it's great.

Moving on. The rhythm of this episode felt off to me though. Considering that they covered as much ground as the first episode of the JP version and still they added the sports, cat bits and the dinner date, it all felt a bit really rushed to me. Like they added stuff but at the same time it's like they skipped steps. atm can't really find a better way to explain it.

I like Matmi a lot. And I like her and Fourth together. I think that friendship could be well done here.

I'm not really sure about the dynamic between Atom and the bff, like I'm not hating it but also it seems forced somehow. I'm not sold on their particular chemistry yet.

There are a couple more things but it's the first episode and let's see if they improve on some of the editing choices.

Overall, this is better than the trailer advertised (which is not saying much because that trailer was a mess) and I'm gonna stick with it for now. I'm curious how much of the manga they will cover and after CM did some wonderful choices with adapting a japanese story with thai elements, I wonder how they will do this one. I wonder if the trip to the mountains will be the beach episode in this version.

[inawickedlittletown]

Rather Be The Hunter Than The Prey (BuckTommy) - 3/3

Summary: Buck doesn't tell Tommy immediately about the big change at the 118. Tommy decides to do something about it.

Author's note: Title comes from Natural by Imagine Dragons.

Everyone on Ao3 wanted a part two for the little coda I wrote post-episode 7x10. And I guess I did too. So now it's a three parter.

Part One - Part Two

Read on Ao3

-

“No,” Buck said. “Tommy, this is a horrible idea. You don’t know her.” 

Buck hadn’t even really told Tommy much about Taylor. Most of the LAFD knew her, though. If not for breaking the story about Jonah, then because of the book. She’d made her name in other ways too and Buck hated whenever he spotted her at a call or when he turned a tv on and she was on. He had succeeded in avoiding her for so long and didn’t want to bring her back now. 

“I’m just saying that we need her because she crosses lines. She’ll pursue the story once she knows there is one and she can help us take out Gerrard.” 

Buck didn’t think that Tommy really understood who Taylor was. He had listened to Tommy’s whole plan. He’d even taken notes as Tommy detailed everything he set in motion. He knew that Tommy was making sense, he was just a little wary about Taylor. He’d already made the mistake of trusting her in the past and this time around, they couldn’t afford her to go off the rails even if that was maybe exactly what they were counting on. 

“I guess maybe she does owe me one,” Buck said. “I’ll call and see if she will come meet with us.” 

“That’s all I ask,” Tommy said, smiling at him in a way that made Buck want to kiss him and maybe even drag him back up the stairs to his bed. 

He called after breakfast and after they had cleaned up his kitchen. Tommy was at his side, offering support. At least, Buck wasn’t the only one that had had to talk to an ex this morning. 

“Buckley, why are you calling me?” Taylor said. 

“Hey, Taylor,” Buck said. “I, uh, I was hoping we could meet up.”

She laughed at him. “If this is some kind of booty call, I’m not interested.”

“No…no, nothing like that. I’m…I’m dating someone. Listen, it’s about a story you could report on. It’s better if we explain in person. Are you free at all today?” 

“Yeah,” Taylor said after a pause. “I can be. What kind of story are we talking about?”

“Getting an awful man out of a job that puts him in a position of power that could determine life or death,” Buck said. 

“Oh,” Taylor said. “That sounds…yeah, I can meet up.” 

They set up a time and Taylor agreed to meet at the loft even though Buck thought it might be weird for her. It didn’t seem to be probably exactly because of who Taylor was. He’d already piqued her interest and now nothing else mattered. 

It was a few hours later when Taylor knocked on his door. Buck braced himself for seeing her again. Then, he walked over to open the door. She was still Taylor. Her red hair was in loose ringlets that framed her face in a way that made her approachable and cute. She did look awkward for a moment, but then she smiled. 

“Hi.” 

“Uh, hi,” Buck said, letting her in. “Come in. Do you want a drink?” 

“Water,” she said and headed straight for the table, where she deposited her purse. “So what exactly is this—” Taylor trailed off. 

Holding the glass of water in hand, Buck turned. Taylor was turned towards the stairs where Tommy was making his way down. Buck almost laughed, because in a way he was getting used to seeing the reaction that people had to Tommy. He couldn’t blame them — couldn’t blame Taylor — Tommy was certainly eye-catching. 

He set her glass of water on the table and that seemed to break the spell.  She immediately turned to him, question in the raise of her eyebrow. 

“Tommy, Taylor’s here,” Buck said. 

“Thought I heard the door,” Tommy said as he reached the bottom of the stairs. “Casey says everyone he got in touch with is in.”

“Taylor, this is Tommy,” Buck said. 

“Hi,” Tommy said. 

Tommy offered his hand and Taylor shook it. She looked thrown and though Buck had seen Taylor in many different forms and states, this was still somewhat new. 

“Take a seat,” Tommy said. “Evan can start explaining.”

“Right,” Buck said and he motioned for Taylor to sit. She did, watching Buck carefully. 

“Bobby got replaced at the 118 through a series of circumstances,” Buck said and he explained it all, knowing that he was probably leaving out more than he should. 

Taylor drank some of her water before speaking once Buck was done. “Sounds like an asshole to me,” she said. “What does this have to do with me?” 

“Well,” Tommy said, taking his own seat. “We were hoping that you would help us expose Gerrard for exactly who he actually is.” 

Taylor leaned back in her chair. “You know, the last time I did a profile on the 118, the department shut it down. Made it into a fluff piece.” 

“And yet you still managed to use your connection to Evan to get that story on Greenway out, putting his job and reputation at risk,” Tommy said. 

Buck inhaled. He hadn’t expected Tommy to bring that up. 

Taylor had the decency to look contrite. She didn’t even try to defend herself. She did look from Tommy to Buck and back again. 

“Defensive, I like it,” she said in the end. 

“You also published an unapproved book about the LAFD,” Tommy pointed out. “I have the approval, or at least the consent of the Assistant Fire Chief,” Tommy revealed. “Well, to an extent.”

“Who even are you?” Taylor shot back. 

“My boyfriend,” Buck answered. 

Taylor laughed and laughed and then she clapped her hands. “Wow. Didn’t see that one coming. Maybe I should have, come to think of it. Alright, boys, I guess count me in.” 

It took a very long two weeks for everything to be worked out. Every shift that Buck had leading up to it made him antsy. He was glad when everything was finally in place. 

Chief Williams scheduled Taylor’s stop by the 118, including the invitation for Tommy to be there. She also made sure that Chief Simpson was available. Buck had helped to set up cameras to capture everything that went on with Gerrard in the time leading up to the interview. He’d had to be a bit sneaky about it, but Taylor had provided everything they needed. At Tommy’s instruction, he didn’t share their plan with anyone. It meant that the cameras captured everything as organically and as genuinely as they happened. 

Gerrard making a limp hand motion at Buck was right there as clear as day. Gerrard making a comment about Hen only lasting for so long because she was practically a man. His dismissiveness of Chim’s contributions as a paramedic when they lost someone on the way to the hospital. The way he berated Ravi and said stuff about how the department was going nowhere with the diversity hires. All of it was captured on camera and more. So much more. 

Eddie, Hen, and Chim thought it was ridiculous that Taylor Kelly was coming to interview them. Gerrard shared the news after returning from a call. Buck had to pretend that he was upset about it too and when Gerrard got wind that she was Buck’s ex-girlfriend, it seemed to make him want her there more. 

Buck had never seen him more welcoming of anyone, the way Gerrard was with Taylor. It was yet another big difference between him and Bobby. He treated Taylor like an honored guest, offering her coffee and water and showing her around with warmth that made him seem fatherly — or maybe grandfatherly considering his age. It was eerie. It almost made Buck doubt that the plan would work.  

Taylor took her time. Buck hated her a little for it, for how she asked them about the rescue of Bobby and Athena and how it felt to be rewarded for it. He could see how Hen and Chim took it all in as much good humor as they could muster. Eddie was monosyllabic. 

Then, she singled out Gerrard. 

“This is so pointless,” Chim said. 

They were in the kitchen. Buck had sort of steered them there. Hen had been throwing him a few looks as if she suspected something. Meanwhile, Taylor was with Gerrard, cameras pointed at him. She was keeping things light at first. 

Chief Williams and Chief Simpson hadn’t arrived. It was possible they wouldn’t, but Buck hoped they would. 

Tommy got there and they all saw how Gerrard stiffened when he walked up the stairs. 

“Sorry I’m late. Traffic. Well, some kind of demonstration outside. I think some people heard there were reporters here today.” 

“Some people?” Hen asked. 

Tommy didn’t answer. Buck just hoped the live feed was working, they’d figured it was better if Gerrard didn’t know other people were there to see it all.

At the table, Gerrard suddenly stood up. “What kind of question is that?” he said, louder than necessary. “Things were better when people knew their place. None of the quotas for diversity that need to be met so no one gets their tiny little feelings hurt.” 

“I just thought it’d feel great to have such an inclusive firehouse,” Taylor said. “To lead the 118 which I know is quite diverse and doesn’t look like what the fire department even in LA looked like in the past.” 

Gerrard just stared at her. 

“Of course, I do know you aren’t happy that diversity exists,” Taylor said. “I wonder why take the job at this house at all.”

“What are you talking about, girl?” 

“I’m talking about how you act around the people you are supposed to lead. The very same people that literally run into fires to protect the public who you in turn are supposed to support and protect and lead.”

Gerrard didn’t respond. His jaw was tightening. 

“Earlier today I posted a little preview for the interview. Just some of the things I’ve uncovered along with the many many complaints made against you by your own firefighters. Some investigating into your placement here also revealed a few things I’ll be looking into after this.” 

Buck watched Taylor a little bit in awe. Tommy was at his side and he felt the heat of him from how close they were standing. Ordinarily they wouldn’t stand so close, but it was nice to just rub it in, especially when Gerrard looked their way. How he glared at them like his eyes could set them on fire. 

“She’s really a spitfire, isn’t she,” Tommy said. 

“That wears off,” Buck said. 

“What?” 

“Being impressed by her.” 

Tommy laughed. 

“What is happening right now?” Ravi asked. 

“Someone needed to take out the trash,” Tommy said. 

“You said people were here?” Hen asked. 

“Do you know how many queer first responders there are in LA?” Tommy asked. 

It all happened quickly, in a way. Gerrard responded with anger and vitriol and demands that Taylor take her videos down once his demands to see them brought Taylor’s tablet out and ready. It wouldn’t even matter if she took them down, though, not with the reach that Taylor had these days and not with the work that had been put into getting them out into the wider public. Buck had even gotten Josh to share it over the dispatch twitter. 

Gerrard was still demanding Taylor take the videos off when he seemed to then realize that the videos had come from inside the firehouse. That’s when he turned on them. Rushing towards them, face red in anger. His eyes seemed to narrow on Tommy and Buck and how close they stood. Buck almost moved away, but Tommy didn’t let him. 

“Which one of you?” He asked. “Putting cameras in here without anyone’s consent? Spying! Who the fuck do you think you are?” 

“Who do you think you are?” Chim asked. 

“I’m your Captain,” Gerrard ground out. 

“Bobby is our Captain,” Hen said. 

Gerrard pointed his finger at Hen. “So, it was you!” 

Hen shook her head. “No, but I give props to whoever did it and I wish they had let me help.” 

“This is hostile! It’s an attack and a breach of—”

Gerrard was closer than ever, coming at Chim and Hen. Tommy stepped away from Buck. He got between them and Gerrard. Buck could see that it was taking everything for Tommy to do so and despite how big of a man he was literally and figuratively, this was still hard for him. Buck wanted nothing more than to step forward and offer him a hand to hold. He knew he couldn’t. Tommy had asked him not to if it came to it. 

“I did this,” Tommy said. 

His voice was little more than a whisper, but he cleared his throat. 

“No one deserves to work under you, to be belittled every day while doing a job that is already full of risk and that requires trust. No one needs to hear the vitriol that comes out of your mouth or the little motions because you think it’s only men like you that deserve to be here. They don’t. I won’t stand aside and let you do this to anyone. I won’t let you hurt them or put them in a position of getting hurt.” 

“Of course it’s you, Kinard. Still a coward, still a groveling people pleaser. Should have known you like to be down on your knees like the faggot you are.” 

Buck felt like his heart had gotten caught in his throat. His ears were ringing. He wanted to pull Tommy back, wrap him up in his arms at the same time as he wanted to just throw a punch. Buck heard a general gasp go around them and it was louder because it came from the people down below. Casey and everyone that had come with him. 

“None of you deserve to work here. In fact, none of you do. I will make sure this is the end of your careers with the LAFD,” Gerrard said. “You’re all fired.”  

“No,” Assistant Chief Williams said. “They are not.” 

They saw Gerrard’s face go from red to pale white. He sputtered, but no words came out. 

“Chief Williams is correct,” Chief Simpson said, at her heels. “I didn’t know why she insisted I come down here, but I’m glad she did. I see now I made a mistake in placing you here, Vincent.” 

Buck stepped towards Tommy, reaching for his hand and he felt Tommy grasp his tightly. 

It didn’t matter what Chief Simpson said to Taylor about what she could air, or how he wanted to handle things. Not with the crowd that Casey had gathered and not with all the things that Taylor had gotten up on Instagram and TikTok. He couldn’t put a stop to it, not even the spin that Taylor managed to put to things because as Buck had pointed out, Taylor wouldn’t just allow them to dictate things. This time, it was to their advantage. 

After all, it was Taylor that found the connection between Councilwoman Ortiz which became a much larger partly unrelated story. One that Taylor was hell bent on investigating. 

“She knew about him,” Taylor said to him as her camera man was packing up. “Ortiz asked him to put himself forward for this job. I just don’t know why.” 

Buck told her to talk to Hen and Karen. 

After it was all said and done and Bobby was reinstated as Captain, Buck found himself tucked into Tommy’s side out in Hen’s backyard where Hen and Karen were hosting the celebration for everything beginning to revert back to normal. 

“You’re a little bit scary, you know,” Chim said to Tommy.  

“Not really,” Karen put in. “He’s on our side.” 

“I just did what I wish I had been capable of doing a long time ago,” Tommy said. 

Buck kissed his shoulder. It was a little early, but he really did think he wanted to keep Tommy forever. 

[nobutseriouslywhat]

Look I hate conservatives just as much as the next guy but I'm deeply uncomfortable with the "you can't reason with them they aren't even people" rhetoric that's really popular on this website. Anyone can be rehabilitated. That doesn't mean everyone will, but anyone can be.

[sysig]

Looking his very best, as much as he can anyhow (Patreon)

[sonknuxadow]

every time someone on the internet lies about surge's origins to prove that sonic is canonically trans an angel loses its wings

[whentherewerebicycles]

question: when you're starting a new job, what do you most want out of your first week of onboarding? what's most helpful for you to know/understand upfront? also... what's not helpful? tell me your onboarding nightmare stories too lol