#maybe the valentines baking video was the friends we made along the way

[phuckhowlter]

rest in peace. we were dreamers.

[miss-choco-chips]

Soul Shards part 4

I have nothing to say for myself. Don’t kill me? I tried to edit this, but it’s longer than what I’m used to, so I probably fucked up somewhere along the way.

This... will probably need another part. Or should I leave it like this? I dunno.

Enjoy!

~~~.~~~.~~~

Timothy’s eyes shone hatefully. It was the most beautiful shade of icy blue he had ever seen. Even if the emotion was such a dark one, they weren’t empty anymore.

-It’ll be over soon -he shushed, slowly sinking to his knees and bringing the man into his lap, almost engulfing him between arms and firm chest, as if to protect him from the pain that was coming from deep inside; distantly, he heard Kon and Jon’s voices as they approached, their concern obvious but unimportant at the moment-, you just have… a lot of emotional catching up to do.

~~~.~~~.~~~

16   -   21

The young man raised his eyes from the documents he was revising, merely glancing over Damian’s case files.

-Zsasz -was all he said, before going back to his own thing. 

Damian a year ago might have gotten mad, thinking Timothy was sprouting spur of the moment lies to get him to stop nagging him. He knew better now, that the man didn’t need more than a second of looking at his carefully collected evidence to make a verdict.

It didn’t mean he wasn’t curious, though.

-How? -was all he asked, giving the file a closer look, trying and failing to see what the other could- He was at Arkham at the time of the crimes, there’s witnesses and video evidence. 

Timothy didn’t seem to be paying attention to him any longer, answering by rote but not taking his empty eyes from his own work.

-Not Zsasz himself, but not a copycat either. This is the work of a lover, or someone romantically interested in the bastard. Could be a courting gift, a mean to attract his attention, or both. Look deeply into any woman…

-Or man, or both, or neither -he felt compelled to add. Timothy shrugged, but his soul gave an approving humm.

-... or man, or both, or neither -the detective conceded, dropping his papers in favor of his coffee cup and tablet-, visiting him this last few months, or that could have benefited from any of Zsasz murders; maybe he unknowingly saved someone by killing their abuser or something like that, and they fell for him. Think Misa Amane from Death Note.

As he did any time Drake dropped a reference, Damian made a mental note to check this out. At least, “Death note” sounded more his style than the time he had to watch both Mean Girls movies.

-How do you know it’s a love interest and not, say, an apprentice?

Without dropping his cup, and balancing the tablet against his legs where he was sitting on the couch, Timothy raised his other hand and pushed one of Damian’s papers across the coffee table towards him. One of the autopsy’s photos.

-The cuts. Zsasz usually makes them all across the body, picking certain places that would make his victims bleed to death as slowly and painfully as he feels like. These, instead, are focused on the chest area, almost circling the person’s heart. In this one, a victim that was murdered specifically on Valentine's day, the cuts are even closer to it, almost framing the heart. 

-...I can see it -he muttered, eyes widening. After two weeks of useless tumbling around this case, it was only when he caved and went to Timothy for help that he finally had some possible lead on it. And, as every time he did this before, a few minutes was all he needed to figure it out and to point him in the right direction.

-I’d hurry, if I were you. The least thing Gotham needs is a new villian power couple, a “Harley and Joker” take two. It was just too good when she left him for Ivy, so don’t allow anyone else to take their places as the criminal lovers of the city.

Damian nodded and went back to his files on Zsasz, energies and will renewed. Timothy ignored him once again in favor of his own things, and silence enveloped them. He didn’t mind; the icy blue soul’s warm encouragement was all he needed.

----.----

-It has grown -commented the older of the two, watching from the corner of his eye the souls on Damian’s lap. They had to fight some sea monsters at the beach, and sand had gotten into his pouch, so he stopped at the earliest chance to clean it up.

It was the first time Timothy saw his soul in years. Damian had being careful to not take it out around him, scared it might spook the man into leaving.

If anything, he seemed curious.

-It has? -he asked, dropping his own back on its hiding place and rising the other to eye level- It still fits in my palm the same way it always did.

Timothy rolled his eyes.

-Yeah, and your hand is the exact size it was when you were twelve? Brat, you are already taller than me -wipe that smile off your face, we both knew this day would come. You grew, and if it still fits the same, it’s only logical that it did as well. You probably didn’t notice because you see it all the time, and since your soul has also grown, there’s no sure way for you to compare them and realize it.

Amazed, and more than a little happy, Damian examined it closer. He was right, of course; now that it was brought to his attention, he couldn’t unsee it.

-A soul grows and thrives on multiple things -kept going the other, shaking his head to get as much sand as possible off his hair-, both positive or negative.

Damian knew this, has seen the sheer size of the Joker’s rotten soul, doubled after his latest killing spree: it fed on the pain of his victims. It was a disgusting sight, but one that proved just how different the psychopaths they fought saw life, and how unlikely it was they’d ever stop.

-And in this case? -he asked, refraining himself from saying ‘your’ instead of ‘this’.

A shrug- If I had to guess, love, like most people’s. It was what always healed me, time and time again, growing up; love for my friends, parents, family, people I liked… It started to shrunk when half the people I cared for died, and the other half didn’t seem to want my feelings nor return them. Poor, past-me’s soul was starved to death. You seem to have it well fed, tough. 

It was said tonelessly, but Damian felt two sizes taller all the same. The soul at hand seemed to shine in front of his eyes (although it was probably just the sun’s reflection), and a quick succession of images flashed across his eyes.

Kon El, Bart Allen, Cassie Sandsmark and a few other heroes he recognized from Drake’s old Young Justice photos, going out of their way to seek him out and keep him company in his self imposed soulless exile.

Grayson, Father and Todd sitting quietly at the Cave’s Red Robin memorial (with cracked glass; The Red Hood hadn’t reacted well the first time he saw it), sharing stories of the man as they knew him: brother, son, childhood friend.

Cain and Brown, sitting back to back, holding the other’s soul shard; Brown delightedly absorbing the love Timothy had put in Cain’s icy blue compass, and the other carefully caressing the almost black locket, cocooning it in her hands, as if trying to breath emotions back into the almost empty thing.

Himself, tirelessly looking for information on the man years ago, following him around more recently. Taking hits for him during the times they worked together, doing his best to keep Grandfather away, sneakily replacing his coffee for decaf.

(taking care of his body)

Holding the precious icy blue orb in his palms, cradling it against his chest when sleeping or fondling with it between his fingers when troubled or distracted. Constant, tender touch. Never damaging it. Never leaving it alone. Never ignoring the feelings it sent his way.

(taking care of his soul)

Timothy looks indifferent, typing away at his new phone (he changed them almost every day, no doubt to keep Oracle or Father from finding him), but his soul reacts beautifully to Damian’s thoughts.

Fed by love, indeed.

-----.----

17  -  22

After he saved some children and comforted them during patrol, when he had (briefly) the upper hand against Cain in a spar, when he successfully talked Todd down from blowing up a building, when he stood firm against father in order to protect Jon, Colin and the rest of his friends from a scolding, when he tried (and failed) to help Alfred bake Grayson a cake for his birthday… each time, he would feel a tug from the not-so-little-anymore orb, and when he took it out of his pouch to inspect it, he’d always see a new, beautiful green and gold spot slowly dying the area surrounding the core. 

Little specks of his colours, appearing here and there at times that seemed random to him, but evidently were appreciated by Drake’s soul. 

It scared him so badly he could barely sleep without nightmares. Because, even if it meant tentatively good things (he was leaving a mark on Timothy where not even Todd had reached, was securing himself a way into his heart), it also meant a change. 

What if, after all his efforts, this made impossible for Drake's soul to fit into his body after all?

After the soulless man had pointed it out for him, he begun to notice things. Not only the suddenly appearing, breathtaking looking spots on the icy blue sea of his soul, but how it seemed to shine more with each passing moment, how the feelings it gave off were more intense (it had come as a surprise; he would never had guessed they were muted before, until he was almost blown away by the soul’s rage after an encounter with Deathstroke left Nightwing at death’s doors), how the small little bumps and dents in it were filled out as the soul grew, healthier and prettier. 

It had grown so full of feelings, so strong, he feared. What if, even if he got Timothy to take it back, his body couldn't accept it due to its changes? Or what if the accumulated feelings were too much for him to take, to process? He certainly had some emotional baggage to catch up to, and he had little to no information on soulless people accepting their core back to properly  predict what outcome they might face.

He was scared by the changes. He was excited about his colours slowly taking space into Timothy’s soul. He couldn’t rest properly anymore.

The soul was a faithful companion on his long, sleepless nights. It spoke to him, in a language of feelings and abstract-like images he had come to learn with the years. It returned his love and care tenfold, in a way he knew only Drake, with his seemingly unending flow of emotions, could do.

A part of him (Wayne, hero, martyr) didn’t believe himself deserving of it. None on his family, with maybe Cain and Pennyworth as the exceptions, were worth the unconditional trust and loyalty Timothy bestowed upon them.

The part that was purely Al Ghul (proud, selfish, greedy) asked for moremoremore, and only himhimhim.

That didn’t help his insomnia.

Neither did Timothy’s warm comfort.

The feelings, on both ends, only grew.

-------.-------

When he finally gathered courage and went to the source, Timothy himself, to show him the changes on the orb, the man only hummed, undeterred in his task of cleaning the kitchennet of this small place he was using for the week. They were somewhere in Singapore, and Damian could see the sea from the living room window.

-It’s such a shame, really -he spoke, as his hands worked steadily and with the ease of familiarity on making both coffee and Damian’s favorite tea. Never let it be said he didn’t know how to host. Another muscle memory skill, no doubt.

-What is it?

-You fell victim to Robin’s Third Law. I thought you might have been excepted from it, but obviously not. So sad. If I had an Alexa, I’d have her play sad violin tunes.

Ignoring the last bit, he took his eyes from where he was comparing the blue and green souls (his and Drake’s), and glanced in his direction.

-Third Law?

He never heard of it before. He would remember if Father or Grayson told him about it.

-Hmm -he nodded, brining a tray with the beverages and cookies to the low table, taking his seat in front of Damian, back to the window (whether this was trust in him to watch out for him in case they were attacked, or he simply didn’t care, he didn’t know)-. It’s a theory I developed while Stephanie was Robin, and you only confirmed it for me. First Law: Each Robin shall have his or her Batgirl. Dick and Jason had Barbara, me and Steph (though very briefly on her case) had Cass, and you currently have Steph. Second Law: Each Robin will have either a Super, a Speedster, or both, as his or her friend and teammate. Dick had Wally, Jason Bizzarro, I had both Kon and Bart, Steph teamed up with Kara for a while there, and you have Jon.

Blinking rapidly, he nodded. It- it was too much of a coincidence. Timothy’s claims, as always, had their merit, no matter how far fetched it seemed to have three unescapable facts following the wearer of the Robin mantle.

-And the Third Law?

-Each Robin will fall in love with their predecessor, without a happy ending.

That stopped him cold, tea cup halfway to his mouth.

He knew?

It must have shown on his face, because the man rolled his eyes.

-Just because I don’t have feelings of my own any longer doesn’t mean I can’t recognize them on someone else. I told you, the soul that belonged to me -he nods in the direction of Damian’s lap, where he had placed the soul while they eat- thrived in love. It’s almost the size it was back then, when I was young, idealistic and stupid.

A sip of coffee. Timothy’s soul reached out tentatively, it’s metaphorical touch brushing Damian’s own, a wave of lamenting and corresponding. He didn’t want to focus on what it meant.

-Dick loved the boy he was, the little Robin his parents raised, that flew on the trapeze without a care on the world. That kid died the night his parents fell. Jason most likely had a crush on Dick back when he was Robin, though the way he was treated by him back then killed that tentative love. I know, because I studied him for years, until I learned everything there was to learn about my predecessor and friend.

Damian listened, but half his mind was on the unrelenting wave of feelings Timothy’s soul was sending his. There was a message there, but he was way too overwhelmed to understand it.

-Myself, well, since you have that thing -he pointed to Damian’s lap, then shrugged-, you must know about my hopeless, tortuous love for the bastard. You know, even though past me trained himself with a flight or fight response to him, it still took me some battle time to go for the fight one? My body couldn’t seem to settle into the idea of hurting him -he sighed, shaking his head- Stupid little brat.

-Th-then… What about… Brown did have you. Her... her love didn’t have a tragedy following.

TImothy merely raised an eyebrow.

-Even before she faked her death, I was kind of an asshole with her, always demanding she hang up the cape. Then, when she came back, I was so pissed and betrayed, I couldn’t even look in her direction as much as I couldn’t take my eyes away; from what I remember, it was hell. I’m pretty sure a part of her will always love past me, just like him would always love her a bit, but they’re never getting back to what they were. There’s just too much polluted water under the bridge.

-Her shard is almost completely black and empty -he muttered, eyes dragged against his will to the Icy blue (and green and gold, now) soul.

Timothy laded his head- Doesn’t surprise me. Kon, Bart and Cassie all have theirs in almost perfect shape, though some spots here and there are losing their colours. They were absolutely freaked out when it started to happen, came straight to me to yell about friendship, bonds and  shit like that. I’m guessing both Cass and Alfred’s pieces are the same -at Damian’s reluctant nod, he smirked- about time, too. 

Damian didn’t comment on it, because he was well aware of how much Drake wished for all his soul shards to go completely null. When that happened, his soul would have definitely died, no take backs. 

There was also the matter of the soul core, in Damian’s possession, that kept on thriving and growing, but Drake didn’t seem too worried about it, which scared Damian in turn. 

-And, lastly, young current Robin. In love -he smirked-, ah, no, corresponded love, judging by the green spots, with his predecessor. Tough luck. The soul might have feelings for you, but the body certainly doesn’t (muscle memory from back then is a bitch, isn’t it?), and those by themselves are not enough, are they? Such a tragedy.

He smirked while talking, empty eyes not really caring about Damian’s crushed heart. 

He hated him, a little, just then. Not nearly as much as he loved him, sadly.

-------.-------

Watching him through the monitors of the cave was such a normal thing for him to do, it no longer called to the attention of his family members. They just accepted it as one more of Damian’s oddities and moved on. 

Sometimes, Grayson or Todd would stop by. They would comment on some sparring mistake he made, or marvel at the mission report when Drake’s explanation on the thought process that drove him to solve it was beyond amazing, longing and pain lacing their words. 

Cain and Brown rarely accompanied him, but when they did, it was their choice on what to watch, and more often than not it was some funny, endearing thing, like Drake’s comm quips, or mask recordings on the cheesy puns he threw to his enemies.

Father never stayed, once Damian took a seat by the Batcomputer. It was beyond frustrating, his decision to pretend his son was dead, from the memorial to avoiding all talk of him unless forced. Timothy was out there, and Damian held in his pouch the answer to his predicament, but no, Father would sooner think him dead than deal with the emotional rollercoaster Damian was currently riding.

Timothy defied death itself when everyone else thought Father dead. He went toe to toe with  a devil like his Grandfather, and came out on top, for him. It angered him, not seeing such devotion returned. Todd’s death and later criminal career had undoubtedly messed with his emotional bonds with all his children, but this was just ridiculous. They fought over it, often. They fought a lot, these days; his older siblings said it was a rite of passage, to reach that moment when Robin was just done with Batman’s shit.

-Master Damian, you never showed up for supper. I took the liberty of bringing some leftovers for you to snack on here.

Lost as he was, both in thought and in footage of Timothy reaching a compromise with Poison Ivy, he had to repress a startled jump; it would be unbecoming of him, with all his training. Though, Pennyworth probably knew anyway. He always did.

-Thank you -he nodded, accepting the plate stacked with sandwiches. The old butler left a cool glass of water by the computer’s keyboard, and his eyes went up to the image of Timothy returning home after another successful mission. His tired eyes seemed to soften.

-How is Master Timothy fearing, young sir?

As sure as he was that everyone suspected him, only Alfred directly addressed the fact that Damian went to his old charge, time and time again. Even so, when he asked for “Master Timothy”, he always referred to the same.

Wordlessly, one hand holding a sandwich, he retrieved the soul next to his from the pouch. The spots weren’t bigger than last time, but more numerous.

One finger softly caressed the orb. He wouldn’t feel it, but Damian could, and it always warmed him the way Timothy’s soul reacted to the old butler’s touch.

-To think I let a young man under my care to go starved... -muttered the man. He hadn’t taken well when Damian confied on him the reason why the blue orb used to be so little.

-It was a shared mistake, Pennyworth. If anything -he nodded towards the man’s bowtie, where the small icy blue shard still shone- it’s evident how you -and Cain- were far from the worst perpetrators. The fault lies on the rest of us.

The man sighed- It’s such a shame, truly. Master Timothy was such a bright, full of life young man… his heart might have been naive, but it rarely steered him wrong.

While he spoke, the man went around Damian, reaching for the keyboard. A few clicks later, and a video file he never saw before was brought forth. Timothy’s young face appeared on the screen, and Damian paused, softly putting his glass back down.

On screen, his predecessor, down to his old Robin pants and no shirt, was finishing a training routine on the mats.This one, he didn’t recognize.

-I searched every bit of information on Drake, how…? 

As he asked, another figure appeared on screen, this time… an odd version of Nightwing. He started needling Timothy (the file lacked audio), seemingly asking for something the other kid wasn’t willing to provide. He kept shaking his head.

-I have every bit of photographic evidence of Master Richard’s… most questionable clothing choices password protected, least he finds a way to get rid of all of it. It’s for posterity’s sake, you understand? And to maybe help refrain him from trying his hand at “improvising a new suit” ever again.

Looking at his mentor’s mullet hair and deep v-neck, he can’t exactly bedrugde Alfred his counter measures. He’s feeling shame just by looking at a video, can’t even imagine what living through that must have been for the poor butler.

-Grayson’s fashion sense is sadly lacking, isn’t it?

-I wouldn’t call that fashion, Master Damian, nor sense. One could forgive and forget the first Robin suit, a circus child in need of colour and reminders of home. But this? -a stiff nod to the screen- This makes me worry for any children he might have. 

-I’ve been keeping him away from orphanages -he assures the old man, because at this point, it was a two on two battle, him and Pennyworth against Father and Grayson and their inability to keep their greedy paternal paws off of possible new family members.

-Good lad.

In silence, they watch as Nightwing goes off screen, returning later in civies. One would think anything would have been less of an eye sore, but the bright green pants, red sneakers and yellow shirt aren’t so much better than glitter and feathers in a skintight suit.

Shockingly, though, Timothy-on-screen seems to disagree. Graysons’ renewed efforts at convincing him of whatever he wanted bore fruits, and soon enough, both vigilantes left the scene. Automatically, the video started to reproduce again, on a loop.

Alfred hummed, taking back the empty tray- I would highly recommend you went upstairs to try and sleep, young Master. Your eyebags are two thirds the size Master Tim’s used to be, and that’s worrying on its own.

He wanted to protest, but the look on the old man’s face made him reconsider. There was very little any of them could do to repay Alfred for everything he did for the family. Easing his concern was just a start.

Silently, he closed the files he was revising and walked side by side with the butler. 

-I wonder what was what Grayson said, to make Timothy concede -he commented, while they slowly hailed back to the Manor.

-Nothing of great importance -was his answer-. Master Timothy’s will is a force to reckon, but he always found Robin to be his Achilles’ heel. The moment Master Dick changed into civies the colour of his first suit, poor lad had lost the battle.

The words kept spinning in his head, even after he went to bed.

It wasn’t a plan, not even the beginnings of one, and it lacked all the finesse and detail attention one of Timothy’s would have, but it was more than he had yesterday. 

A start.

------.------

He went to Kent with his idea. Conner. Kon El.

(Not Superboy. Not his Superboy, at least; just like he wasn’t his Robin)

He choose him, because he could fly them somewhere away from his Grandfather's ears. Because he was better at lying than the Impulse, and less noble and forthcoming than Wonder Girl. He trusted him more than he did Timothy’s other Young Justice old teammates.

But, more importantly, he knew Kent would be ready and willing to do whatever it took to get Drake back.

-You know it’s gonna hurt him -the clone pointed out, face serious and stony. He was already preparing himself mentally for the backslash of what they were going to do. His hand had raised up to the Icy blue earring. Out of everyone else, Cain and Pennyworth included, his soul shard was the brightest; his love and loyalty to Timothy never once wavered.

The soul in his pouch gave a warm wave of fondness. He suspects that, during Drake’s darkest hours, his best friend’s love was what kept the little orb fed. Even now, he felt it strengthen under Kent’s undying devotion.

-I know.

There was no question it would. If they succeeded, the onslaught of feelings would be far too much for anyone to handle. Timothy, awesome as he was in every other field, would not be the exception.

-He’s probably gonna hate me.

-No -he shakes his head, echoing on Timothy’s soul sentiments- He never could. You and the others… he’s weak to you. That’s why I’m asking for your help. I need you there first, to soften him up to the idea. Make him more… receptive.

A pause. Then:

-It’s me he’s going to hate.

-At first, for sure- the easy admission, from the mouth of someone as well (or better) versed in the mysteries and wonders of one Timothy Drake, hurt; then, the man continued- but I can promise you, it won’t stay in the way of your little love story for long. He will cave soon enough.

Startled, he looked into the meta’s eyes; mischief, but a shade of seriousness. He wasn’t lying.

-There is no love story. Only redemption for me, and a chance at happiness for him.

-Yeah, yeah, I know, you bats are all for ‘what’s right’ and ‘emotions and personal life are for the weak’. I’m just calling it like I see it, dude, and anyone can see how you look when you talk about him. And, honestly? It’s a little creepy, Edward Cullen style, the way you spent your entire teenagedhood pining after someone without actually interacting with him for almost half of it.

Multiple reactions raced through his mind. Embarrassment, denial, rage…

...resignation.

-I’m not worthy of his affections, not after everything. And even if I was, who’s to say the feelings his soul has now will be the same once it’s back with its rightful owner?

Kon El just sighed, something that sounded like ‘emotionally stunted bats’, and carefully placed a hand on Damian’s shoulder. It was striking, realizing they were not so far in height now. He would never bulk up the way Superman’s clone had, but his body was closer to it than Timothy’s, or Grayson’s.

-I’ll let you in a secret. There’s one easy shortcut, straight to Tim’s heart. Though, maybe ‘straight’ isn’t the right word in this case.

-Shut up.

A smile- Trust me on this one. You’re already using that way, even if you don’t realize it -he clasped his hand tighter, and then released him- Well, gotta go. Showtime is in two days, right? Have to be ready. 

He was already taking off, when Damian’s brain to mouth filter seemed to break and he blurted out.

-What is this shortcut?

Still flying, the meta spin in place to face him, moving backwards. His smile was one part wistful, two parts sad.

-The fastest way for Tim to love you? Love him back. He’s a sucker for people giving him the barest scraps of affection, it would be impossible for him to resist someone wholeheartedly loving him.

-----.-----

18  -  23

All fell into place on Damian’s birthday.

The morning, he couldn’t escape his family. Grayson cried, of course, and  Father had his constipated-emotionally confused face on. Todd and Brown promised to take him to a bar, careful to make that claim where Pennyworth couldn’t hear them. Him and Cain were in charge of the cake (Cassandra’s latest focus of attention had been bakery, and she wanted to participate), and Damian spent half the day surrounded by their love and support. 

As promised, Jon came by mid afternoon to take him to ‘celebrate together’. He asked his family to wait for him awake, even if he came past the time patrol usually started. An odd request, but since he had asked for so little for his birthday, they couldn’t help but agree, Barbara going so far as to have The Birds of Prey ready to cover for them.

It was a long flight to Uruguay, but it was needed. He had taken note on how Drake was, more often than not, found on some seaside location. According to Grayson (and the multiple mission reports he had read on the subject), the tiniest Robin always seemed to like  and take comfort on the beach. It had become a small compulsion, probably one he wasn’t even aware of, to stray to places surrounded by water.

The only stop they made, was for Damian to change civies for his suit. The Robin suit.

They found him sitting on the sand overlooking the calm afternoon waters, at La Pedrera Beach. Just where Damian asked him to met, where Kon had undoubtedly brought him a few minutes before. 

No one was around, thankfully. The less witnesses, the better.

Jon touched ground softly, smiling at Damian and taking off again, to wait with the older Superboy as planned. His friend’s eyes betrayed no nervousness, but he didn’t need to; Damian was nervous enough for both of them.

Steeling himself, he walked towards the smaller man and stood by his side. Silently, they both watched as the sun slowly sunk into the horizon. In ten more minutes, it’d be completely hidden. Damian wanted for everything to be done before then, as if the beauty of the sunset would counter the pain of what was to follow.

-Okay, Baby Bat, lay it on me. Why ask me to come here, all the way from Italy? I was having a blast, you know, catching those mafias one by one.

Even as he spoke, he didn’t look particularly bothered. Soulless as he was, he had no qualms on showing his displeasure. Right now, though, he looked as satisfied as he ever did since losing his soul. The morning catching criminals, noon with his best friend and afternoon at the beach seemed to have worked like a charm. He was at ease, no longer waiting for Damian to attack him, and when he looked up at him and saw him wearing his colors (for once his more muted pants having a green tint to it, resembling more his predecessor's old costume), surprise gave quick way to trust.

Alfred was right, as always. Robin seemed to be the key past Timothy’s defenses.

-It’s my birthday today -he informed the man, doing his best to not be so stiff- And I want my gift.

A sharp laugh, devoid of feeling but humorous all the same, and Timothy stood, face to face with him, tilting his head to look him into the eye.

-My, my, what a spoiled prince. But whatever, I’m here already, and I already indulged you these last two years, letting you stay around and helping you with cases. What’s one more? I won’t take the soul back, though.

Damian shook his head.

-I don’t intend to return something of yours. I want to give something mine, for you to carry with yourself.

The smirk on his face turned utterly devious, and Timothy’s pale hands found perch on his shoulders.

-Such a daring man you have turned into -slowly, he leaned closer, standing on his tiptoes to reach Damian’s ear- What do you want to give me, baby bat? -his warm breath caressed his face, and he had to shut his eyes tightly when he felt Timothy’s face getting even closer- Maybe a kiss? It’ll be free of charge, even, just because I’m in such a good mood. I’ll still let you have the gift you had in mind, too.

Startled, he held the other man’s hips. The want that pushed viciously against his restrain left him dizzy, but his heart twisted and the pain brought him back to his senses, just before his lips -that he hadn’t even be aware he was parting- touched the other’s. 

Carefully, because he didn’t mean any harm and because of how hard it was, he pushed the man away.

-No.

-No? Despite how desperately you clearly want it?

He clenched his fists, before slowly opening his hands and dragging them away from Timothy’s body. He opened his eyes again, looking down at the beautiful face, at those empty eyes. That sealed his decision.

-Not like this. Never like this.

He both regreted and was relieved by his words the moment he had uttered them.

A huff, and slim arms crossed over his chest. It helped a little, once the temptation was over. 

-Okay then, boring. What’s this gift you want? Wanna give me a necklace or something? You seem the possessive type.

Damian breathed in, deeply. This was the moment.

-Open your hand, please.

Eyes rolling over the drama, one hand on his hip, he stretched out the other one, palm up.

Bracing himself, Damian retrieved something from his pouch. Before he could second guess himself, he softly placed it on Timothy’s hand.

Deep, rich green. Shinning gold. A sea of those colors, with specks of icy blue floating around.

His own soul.

Timothy’s eyes went to the soul, the one that wasn’t his, and widened a little. Reflexively, he closed his fingers around the orb as much as he could. He was still being moved by the muscle memory, the compulsion of pleasing Robin.

A second later, tears started to endlessly flow, and he was screaming in pain. 

-----.----

For months, years, Damian had looked over him and saw two separate pieces of the same puzzle. Soul and body, beautiful on their own, but absolutely breathtaking if he only could put them together.

Now, the full picture stood in front of him. Despite its beauty, there were visible cracks where Damian had forced their ragged ends together, where he had to put his own soul as a filler between them.

Effective as it was, meshing two pieces, despite they belonging to the same puzzle, wasn’t the most gentle way to mend them.

They were bound to break a little, in order to fit.

-What have you done to me?! -demanded Timothy, hand clutching desperately at his chest (the other one still holding the gifted soul core), knees failing him. He would have crashed into the ground, if not for Damian’s firm arm around his waist.

He looked completely miserable, scared and shocked, which sent waves of both guilt and elation through him, because his Beloved was hurting because of him, but he was feeling.

Timothy’s eyes shone hatefully. It was the most beautiful shade of icy blue he had ever seen. Even if the emotion was such a dark one, they weren’t empty anymore. 

-It’ll be over soon -he shushed, slowly sinking to his knees and bringing the man into his lap, almost engulfing him between arms and firm chest, as if to protect him from the pain that was coming from deep inside; distantly, he heard Kon and Jon’s voices as they approached, their concern obvious but unimportant at the moment-, you just have… a lot of emotional catching up to do.

-What is happening to me?! How?! This isn’t my soul! I shouldn’t be feeling my own emotions! -he shrieked, his entire body shaking, and it was obvious he would have attacked Damian if not so focused on his own pain. Tears fell seemingly without his notice, and flickers of different emotions crossed his face. Guilt, anger, joy, sadness, rage, fondness, pain, guilt, anger, joy… Too quick to properly categorize, too sudden for Timothy to process them. Those were the emotions his soul had been storing this past few years, and it was all crashing down around him.

-I’m well connected to the soul you gave me. As thus, by using my own as a conduit and bonding us together, yours finally has a way to reach out to you, to do its job and make you feel. It’s muted, not as strong as it’d be if you had accepted your own soul back in the first place. I’m afraid that would have killed you.

-I feel like I’m dying now.

There was screaming. Then laughter. Panic and crying. Puking. Timothy’s hand left his chest to tug at his hair, plucking off strand, then going to his naked arms and leaving red indents with his nails. Softly, he took his fingers between his,  Timothy’s back to his chest, if only to keep him from hurting himself any longer.

-I can’t breath. I can’t think. Why did you do this to me? I love you. No, I don’t. Fuck, I’m going crazy -Daman tightened his arms around the man, shushing him, rocking back and forth on the ground, wishing desperately he could sooth his pain.

-It’ll pass.

Timothy whined, and cried, and smiled, and puked on the sand.  

-I hate you right now. I love you. I’m scared. I hate you again. I/

-I know, love. I know.

When he passed out, still caught between tears and smiles, Damian couldn’t help but feel relief.

[purplesurveys]

1115

survey by vintagekid

Name:  Robyn.

Happy with it? I am now, but I certainly wasn’t as a kid. Other kids were cruel and would tease me solely for my name, which made it hard for me to socialize. I got the same bad Batman jokes too many times and I also got called a boy. These seem petty now, but as a kindergartener adjusting to life in school, it had been traumatizing and made me wonder if my classmates were going to remain the way they were for the long run which no 4-year-old should be mulling about, really.

Do you wear stilettos? When I get the chance, which isn’t very often at all. But I do love stilettos.

How important are looks to you? I find this question very vague, but generally looks matter to me to a certain extent, like how I’d want to look nice and proper for a job interview or for formal occasions such as weddings. Relationship-wise, I also think I have to feel a level of physical attraction towards someone for me to consider seeing them.

How often do you download music? I don’t anymore. I stream all my music.

Can you name a philosopher? Socrates.

What would you do if two unicorns tried to whisk you off to candy mountain? I just looked this up and this is apparently in reference to an ancient viral video, like it was around before viral videos were even a universally-acknowledged concept. That said, I don’t have a clue how to respond to this lmao.

You became the deciding vote in an election, which party would you go for? I don’t base my voting decisions on parties because the party system in my country is a tragically broken shitstorm in which every single party rallies the same values and principles, just executed in their own – and usually poor and unsustainable – ways. I do my research on each candidate, see how they answer in debates, look at laws they’ve authored, see which marginalized groups they proactively support (if they do), and decide from there.

Do you have a bzoink account? I don’t but I’ve been a semi-regular visitor since like 2009.

How many phone calls do you typically make in a day? Zero. People usually call me.

What song are you listening to? Tell Me It’s Okay by, surprise surprise, Paramore.

Do you understand things others your age do not? I don’t know. Maybe. Everyone’s bound to understand some things better than others.

Do you hate people that label themselves? Why would I hate that? And why would their chosen label be my business?

How many windows do you have open? None. There’s plenty of mosquitoes at night, so even though the cold evening air would been pleasant to have we have to keep the windows closed by nighttime.

How superstitious are you? Not at all.

If you were in Harry Potter, which house would you be in? I’ve been told either Gryffindor or Ravenclaw.

Which comedian can always crack you up? It’s not a habit of mine to watch comedians.

Are you nagged about being on the computer too much? Not since I was a teenager. Since college I’ve been doing most of my work, if not all of it, through my laptop, and I think my parents understand that I have to use it all the time.

Do you feel bad about anything you've done lately? Nothing comes to mind, no.

What's your texting bill typically like? My SIM is prepaid, so it works the other way around. I put load credits in it only if I know I’ll have to call/text/surf regularly.

What song did you/do you want played at your wedding? Turning Page by Sleeping At Last.

Do you have a lot or hardly any lines on your palms? Idk, a decent amount I guess? I don’t think it hits either extreme.

What's your favourite word? Poignant.

Are you allowed to swear in front of your parents? Yeah. They’ll shoot me a glare sometimes, but I’m in my 20s and...they know they can’t really do anything about it anymore lol.

Do you eat apples? No.

What are your addictions? Coffee, I suppose.

What are some words you use in daily life? I use intensifiers often, like very, really, super, absolutely, etc. I’m also big on expressions hahaha like oh my god, seriously, for real, and ugh.

Do you look things up on Google constantly? Yes.

Where do you get your music from? Spotify. Sometimes YouTube if I wanna look for a leak.

What do you think of people with afros? That they are people with afros...? I don’t really know what you’re looking for me to say, lmfao.

--

survey by charey-chas

Do you like getting your picture taken? Not for the most part. My body instantly gets all frozen and awkward when a camera’s placed in front of me, which I hate because I do wish I could have more photos of myself around. Is your phone anywhere near you? It is not, actually. It feels great and I really should start making it a habit to keep it away from me entirely on weekends. Do you ever enjoy going to school? In my first school, I enjoyed going mainly (and probably only) for my friends; but Catholic school was predominantly a torturous experience. The rigidity isn’t something I look back fondly on, and it felt like being kept on a tight leash for 14 years. College was a lot more enjoyable in every way possible. I liked going to (most of) my classes and learning as much as I loved the vibrant org culture and the general freedom that comes with university life. Have you ever gone on a road trip? Lots. The Philippines is a relatively small country and unless you want to jump to a different island altogether, there are many provinces you can readily travel to by car.  Who do you get along with best in your family?  Nina, my sister. Then my dad. I clash a lot with my mom and I don’t talk to my brother. Based on your personality, what animal do you think you'd be? Cats and I don’t get along very well hahaha but I think I’m similar to them. Would you ever buy anything from an infomercial? Maybe once, just to be able to say that I have. Have you ever made a snow angel? No, because I’ve never seen snow before. Have you stayed in a hotel in the last month? No. We had a brief getaway in Tagaytay but we switched things up and went to rent a condo, instead of book a hotel room, for a weekend. What's your most comfortable outfit? If I want to go for comfortable, I usually go for my rompers or jumpsuits. Do you text or IM more? IM these days. Would you rather listen to music or play it? Listen. I have no music-playing skills whatsoever. Have you ever been in a hot tub? Sure. Do you like pizza? LOVE IT Are you sleeping in your own bed tonight? Yes. If not here, the couch. But most likely it will my bed tonight. Are any of your friends having a sleepover right now? I doubt it. Angela and Hans had an overnight stay in Batangas a few days ago for their Valentine’s shenanigans though, which I guess kinda counts as a sleepover. Have you ever been to a house party? I don’t think so. That’s something I missed out on in my college days, but I don’t mind. Do you listen to your iPod or the radio when you're in the car? I think I keep a good balance. If my phone’s battery is not very high I’ll rely on the radio; and sometimes I’ll sync my phone’s Spotify to the car as well.

--

survey by charey-chas

What song is stuck in your head at the moment? RAVI’s BUM. What's your fathers' middle name? He doesn’t have a second name, but I’m not sharing his legal middle name on here either. How many hours a day do you spend on the computer? On work days, I’d say 8-10 hours. On weekends, maybe a little slightly less than that since I do like getting off the laptop sometimes to rest my eyes. Could you live without the internet? People from the past managed to live without it, so I know I can. It would just be extremely inconvenient; and having been dependent on it for such a long time now, I would likely be clueless on how to navigate most activities. What's something you're really into? Learning about cultural differences!! That’s why reading survey answers has always been fascinating to me. I would love a website that dives into the various everyday behavior people observe in other countries, but the ones that do exist use like 20- or 30-year-old sources, so they aren’t even relevant at all anymore. What's the last movie you saw in theaters? Knives Out. Have you ever seen a movie in 3D or in an IMAX theater? Just once. It was Denise and Leigh’s 18th birthday treat and they brought us to watch Doctor Strange in 3D. Do you prefer skirts, shorts, or skorts? Shorts. Have you ever vandalized? Just a few school chairs in grade school, but otherwise I’m too paranoid for vandalism lol. What's the longest you've stayed up? Maybe a little longer than 24 hours. Who'd you have a sleepover with last? Gabie. When's the last time you baked something? Nearly a decade ago. Our oven was new at the time and I wanted to try baking cookies. Do you like to dance? When I’m alone. Do you scratch mosquito bites, even though you're not supposed to? Yup. Are you afaid of spiders or do you like them? I mean I’m not fond of them, but I also don’t scream and run away when I see them. I just don’t care for them for the most part. What's a pet you've always wanted? I’ve only ever wanted dogs, and now I’ve got two of them. Do you like mice? Not really. Would you ever get a tattoo? Sure. I’ve been considering it for a while now; it’s just a matter of being able to save up for one. Do you prefer to walk in the street or on the sidewalk? Street, if it’s bare and safe enough. Otherwise if I’m in a busy city with regulations and all I’d obviously rather be on the sidewalk. What's your favorite t-shirt? My CM Punk Best in the World merch. Who did you last think about? I remembered Deina when I was thinking about the tattoo question. She got a pawprint tattoo on her wrist shortly before her senior dog passed away and ever since learning about it I’ve also been thinking about getting the same tattoo. Do you like giving hugs? I love giving hugs and it’s an automatic response for me whenever I see someone I love, which is why Covid is such a torture for me. Do you prefer hardwood flooring or carpeting? Hardwood. Did you/will you get a car for your 16th birthday? No. I got a car when I was 17, around six months before I started college. Have you ever eaten a worm? No but I’d be willing to try.

[kpopcotton]

Simply Soft ~ NCT DREAM

a/n ~ i love them and can’t stop thinking about them, so here’s what activity they enjoy doing with you • Prompt: doing dishes and wanting a cute boy to help me out (spoiler) • Genre: platonic fluff, bullet point scenario, ot7 and nct member!reader • Warning(s): heartache, desire to have a friendship like the dreamies do, one curse word • Reader Gender: gender-neutral

==≎==

Mark

duets? duets.

doesn’t matter when or where, mark wants to hear your voice

either singing or rapping

sometimes acoustic, sometimes with music in the practice room where you can also dance together

basically, mark just wants to spend time with you so he is able to praise you for everything. he knows how quickly you can get self-conscious

very proud of your singing ability and always starts yelling about getting chills when you hit a note just right

loves hyping you up when you get out a good rhyme or when you rap along to his parts in songs

though with such busy schedules, you sing together more often than anything else

you both find a nice corner and he starts strumming the chords of his guitar and boom, magic

there are countless videos of you two singing together to the soft melody of the stringed instrument

one time you invited chenle (he always finds a way to bring it up during vlives) and he played the piano for you guys while you all sang a sweet love song

the amount of clips and memes made from your duets is immeasurable

you find one on your feed at least once a day 

sometimes you find cute aesthetic edits of screenshots where mark is giving you heart eyes while you sing, but most of the time they’re short videos of you and mark unintentionally being sexy while dancing or rapping 

the captions for those usually rant about you both being rude or disrespectful with the rare “i would let them ruin me” 

it always makes you guys feel super flustered in the beginning though you end up laughing it off like school girls and making the hard stan tweets into inside jokes

but all in all, mark just loves giving you the confidence he knows you deserve

“yo! dude, oh-ho shit! that’s my best friend! go best friend!”

==≎==

Renjun

you’d think renjun’s favorite thing to do with you is dance, or sing, maybe even draw

nope

honestly, people think you guys hate each other since you are rarely seen interacting

fans freak out when you give each other even the most simple skinship like a pat on the shoulder or put an arm around each other for a group picture

or when you happen to touch while posing for photoshoots

but what people don’t realize is that you and renjun are roommates at the dorms

neither of you sleeps in your own bed alone, ever

your room stays cold year-round so it’s better to give each other warmth under the safety of each other’s blankets, or at least that’s your agreed upon logic

so skinship is super common between you, though he doesn’t like to be all over you in public or in front of the other members because they love to tease

renjun’s absolute favorite thing, though he’d never admit it, is getting to stay up late with you, watching horror movies and having deep talks about time travel or aliens

he feels the safest when he is in your shared room with you, sitting on whoever’s bed seems the comfiest that day

it makes the stress of idol life melt away because he knows he can talk to you about anything

sometimes (these are your favorite moments) he gets very a little paranoid from a horror movie or is in a cuddly mood because he’s tired, and shyly asks to lay on your chest to listen to your heartbeat while you play with his hair

“can you maybe scratch my scalp?”

==≎==

Jeno

it’s no secret this boy is jacked, ripped, muscular, however you want to say it

so, it’s obvious he likes working out with you, right?

wrong

two words, video games

no matter how busy you two are, you always find time to play at least one round of some sort of video game

waiting for your stylists? just one look and you’re already pulling out your nintendo switch to play a few quick rounds

the winner of rock, paper, scissors gets to pick which game it is

which means you always get the choice and you always pick smash bros

things can get pretty heated between you both as well 

you both get very competitive when it comes to gaming together

you never yell at each other, only dance your hearts out when you get annoyed

fans find it funny because they know exactly when jeno lost and exactly when you lost before a stage

though you don’t always get upset 

you could never truly get upset with jeno and neither could he with you

he’s your puppy and your his teddy bear

jeno finds the growls you make when you’ve messed up super cute so he starts smiling

you find his samoyed eye crescents when he smiles terribly adorable so you obviously start smiling too

and, you both end up hanging off each other, nuzzling the other’s cheek and giggling like children

then maybe gag a little at each other for being so sweet

“you’re so cute! i can’t stand it!”

==≎==

Haechan

he’s the type to do the most

you know how he acts with taeil and mark? yeah, it’s at least ten times worse with you

lingering touches, flirty comments, pet names

the works

you’ve gotten so used to it that you don’t even react anymore

oh, his arm’s around your waist? when did that get there? you can’t recall

his favorite thing to do is cuddle with you or when he’s feeling extra playful, he’ll wrestle with you

hyuck is almost always laying on you and/or looking at you like you’re the only person in the world though to all the members, you are their world

one vlive, you wanted to be a brat so you started spoiling something that was coming up which caused the guys to start yelling at you to stop

you didn’t

so next thing you knew, haechan was on top of you in two seconds flat, holding you down and covering your mouth

chaos ensued shortly after

you licked his hand and retaliated, leading you two to roll around on the floor while trying to pin the other 

jeno was laughing with chenle, who’s joyous dolphin laugh was almost drowned out by the sound of him flailing his arms and legs

jaemin was scolding you both, saying you were being too loud

jisung was trying to save hyuck from your wrath 

renjun was staring into the camera like he was on the office while sighing and shaking his head

when you all finally calmed down and started talking about what you were supposed to be, you and haechan were cuddling with him sitting between your legs and your arms around his waist

“yeobo~ your embrace is so warm!~ hold me forever!~”

==≎==

Jaemin

the domestic boyfriend we all know and love

so of course, he loves doing the little things with you

like grocery shopping, or waking up the other members when you all have early schedules to treat them to breakfast

homemade of course

his favorite thing to do with you is experiment with food and watch cooking shows, however, he prefers to watch holiday baking competitions to get ideas for treats to make for the other members

it’s almost always cookies

but if the boys are lucky, you and jaemin hunker down to bake a cake

after you wash your hands, he insists on tying your apron for you like a gentleman, but he expects you do it in return

always grabs your hands when you finish tying and pulls them forward to get you to back hug him 

you always comply and bury your face in his neck while mumbling something along the lines of “you’re welcome” to get him to either let go of you or regret having initiated the situation in the first place

contrary to popular belief, you both stay mostly clean throughout the whole process

unless the other members join and help, a.k.a. the cast of chenji’s this or that

jaemin always has to swipe something onto his son’s jisung’s cheek which makes the younger boy protest and fight back

chenle cackles childishly and wants to join, but once you wrap an arm around his shoulders and praise him for being mature, it instantly convinces him otherwise

he likes seeming mature and sophisticated in front of you

you get a rag to clean both of the messy boys up

jisung will protest every time, saying he can do it himself

jaemin gives him THAT look and he quickly lets you clean him up

will move to sit down for you to clean his face, just so he can have you stand between his knees and be in arms’ reach

the younger boys cringe when he gives you his signature fan-sign stare and rests his arms around your hips, asking for a kiss when you finish

will throw a fit if you don't peck his forehead

heart cookies are a must, jaemin will never not make cookies in the shape of hearts for you and the members

not valentine’s day? who cares, the cookies will always be hearts

“it’s how much i love you in the physical form of my sweetness!”

==≎==

Chenle

chenle: my nct bias is taeyong

you: *walks in the room*

chenle: taeyong who? i only know y/n

he’s literally your biggest fan

always finding reasons to call you or hang out with you

it is hard to find him without you or you without him

chenji’s this or that needs a special guest? always you, the managers and staff have no choice

you have a specific concept photoshoot with the older members? chenle is your plus one

again, the staff and managers have no choice

he is always talking about you like you’re some higher being

he loves video chatting you while you both go about your days

he likes being able to look over and see your face or having the subtle background noise of your breathing

will cry when you haven’t talked in five minutes a while

he’s that attached to you

usually, the one to call first, but when you call first he melts into a puddle of pure joy

his favorite thing to do with you: sitting 

together obviously 

though it doesn’t actually matter because if you aren’t around he’ll just call you to do the same thing

if you have your license, he will always ask if you guys could go for a drive and listen to music

but if you don’t, the couches at the dorm is just a good a place as any

he sits right next to you and usually holds onto your arm while resting his head on your shoulder

becomes so calm in your presence, people wonder if he’s sick or feeling sad

nope, he’s just relaxing with you after an eventful day

when he has to go home, he always whines and pouts. he almost throws a fit sometimes and you have to calm him down by promising to video chat him as soon as he gets home

asks his mom to let him stay the night a lot, though she rarely lets him

sometimes, when he does get to stay, he wedges himself between you and renjun in bed

renjun complains, but you shut him up quick

the bed is already pretty small as is, but you three make it work by snuggling up close to one another

chenle is in heaven because most times, both you and renjun wrap him up in your arms and he’s just sandwiched in a loving cuddle

the sounds of your shallow sleeping breaths give him the best sleep of his life

“never leave my side, y/n. i need you to relax.”

==≎==

Jisung

the sweetest boy for you

and only you

the other members get so petty when they see him trailing after you like a baby duckling after its parent

always commenting on how he can’t stay five feet from you ever 

though they’re literally the same way?

you may not treat jisung like your baby, but that doesn’t mean he’s not your baby

always right there when you’re cooking, waiting to be your taste-tester

when he’s feeling upset, you’re the first one he reaches for

always offering to help you when he thinks you need it

even if you don’t need it, he’ll still stand by you and watch you complete the task

that being said, his favorite thing to do with you are chores

your turn for laundry? there he is, struggling to fold the t-shirts

you want to tidy up the bedrooms? has a trash bag ready for you in his hands

his favorite chore is doing the dishes

to him, you make it so much fun

you share an airpod with him and turn on some hyped playlists to dance along to

you wash and he dries

the smile on his face never leaves

will laugh uncontrollably when you start messing around with the bubbles from the soap or sing into a pancake turner

sometimes you pull him away from drying for a quick duet

most of the time it’s you spinning him around and dipping him like they do in the movies

he’s such a graceful and talented dancer, but he becomes a flailing beanstalk blowing in the wind when you dance with him

always trying to get back to the job at hand, but you don’t let him until you’ve had your fill of dancing to the music

when you finish the dishes and put them away, you always give him a high five and a hug to thank him for helping you

you think that’s why he always comes back

“a-are you sure we can dance in the kitchen like this? yah, we might break something!”

[bolbianddolanhouse]

BNHA self insert AU

Nani the heck is this? Read here!

Chapter 22: Back to School Boogaloo 

School starts in 4 days and the agent dorms are near completion with the promised upgrades. At this point, my birthday is 2 weeks away! I saw my schedule for the 1st term and it’s just like how I wanted it.

“Palma-san! Are we going to be desk neighbors again?” asked Kirishima as I was braiding Asui’s hair in the commons room.

“Not sure, with the addition of Shinso, I might get moved somewhere else” I finish the braid and grabbed a hair tie “besides, I won’t be in the class all of term one.”

“Why Palma-san?” Asui turned her head to see my face “and which class, kero”

“I’m going to be in your Strategy and Communications class” I fluffed out her braid “since I passed a third year level Statistics and Strategy class, I get to skip the strategy half of that class and go straight in communications in 2nd term.”

“You have to tutor me!” Kirishima begged “I’m going to suffer big time if I don’t get all the help I can get.”

“It’s not a problem, I can tutor and clarify anything in that subject” I hand Asui her brush and mirror “it does get tricky and meticulous.”

“I can’t wait to see where you’ll be sitting!” exclaimed Asui “it’s always fun when you’re in the class kero.”

I head to my room and pack some of my equipment that I won’t be using anytime before my move in. Most of my packing is done in secret so I don’t raise suspicions. I get my shoebox of letters that I’ve kept and I look at my birthday ones for the nostalgia. Looking at the heart shaped ones reminded me that Valentines day is the week after my birthday. I think about what I’m going to do for Valentines day now that I’m in this weird spot of I think I have feelings for Iida and Shinso is being very forward with his advances and I’m not pushing them away. I make a plan, since I am already going to be in the other dorm, I’ll make Iida a small berry tart and see how he responds to the special gift. If he gets the hint and confesses, great! If he tells me he’s gay, also great! If he outwardly rejects me, thats ok! “Well thats all the situations I can think of” I say to myself “I guess I should look up a tart recipe.” 

-Night Before the 1st day back-

“Hey Palma-san” slid Midoriya in my open door shyly “not to add more stress but can you sew the buttons on my blazer and blouse?”

“You too?! What do you boys do to your uniforms that make the buttons pop off or loosen?” I groaned as I finish sewing the buttons back on Shoji’s shirt “I can but it’s 50 yen per button.”

“Here’s 500 yen exactly” he took his money out of the breast pocket of the blazer.

“THATS ALL THE BUTTONS ON THE SHIRT AND BLAZER!” I yelled as I did the backwards math on that total “next time, either don’t burst out of your uniforms or sew the buttons on yourselves.” I got to work on his buttons along with 3 other’s uniforms. I made 1,500 yen that night and think to myself yo, this might be the start of selling my services and baking for Valentines day will be my big cash grab.

-1st day of 2nd year-

Homeroom: Announcements and overview on the curriculum for the year. Got to see all of our new things in the workshops and our dedicated gym. 

Understudy credit with Mic: I got to help him in 2nd year english for the B-class hero course. Everyone was struck in fear when they saw that I was the assistant because they know how through I am to do things and that I issue punishments. Monoma doesn’t come up to talk to me like everyone else did but he was glancing at me from his desk. 

Math 2: Number hell, thats it. At least Mimi is in my class and it’s with other intel students. 

Vehicles and Mechanics: A new course where we train with different vehicles and gear we might use in the field. Part of the course is to tinker and fix some of the gear in certain situations. I’ve never seen Jin so in his element.

Strats and Comm: Last class of the day but since I come in next term, I just take the time to go around campus to see what I can occupy my time with. I still have yet to figure it out.

I slowly walk down the hall on the way back to the intel wing to walk to the dorms with Mimi and Jin. Every time I heard somebody walking in the same hall as me, I noticed that I reflexively get on guard. Stupid Mirio and his friends making me into a paranoid mess! I get to the intel wing with 10 minutes left until dismissal, not enough time to do anything but just sit and wait in the hall. When class let out, Jin had some questions to ask the teacher and it took up another 20 minutes.

“About time baby boi” Mimi teased “trying to avoid your duties back at the dorms eh?”

“What’s going on at the dorms?” I asked, feeling a little excluded from all the activities.

“I’m on dinner duties” groaned Jin “It sucks ass because there’s 2 more people to feed and cooking small scale isn’t cutting it out for me.”

“Oh frick that does kinda suck” I put my hand on his shoulder “no worries when I come around! I can cook for a small army of 20 with ease.”

“I’m literally counting down the days until you move in!” Mimi squealed “ALSO! What do you want to do on your birthday? It lands on a Saturday.”

“I want to do something chaotic! But I don’t know what” I responded with excitement “I just don’t want to stay in and have cake, I’ve been doing that for 16 years.”

“Wait, oh shit thats right! You turned 16 the day you attended that hero class” Jin remembered “you had the cookies and everything.”

“Funny thing, I wanted to say it when the teacher stepped out but the red-haired boy was staring me down hard” I flashed back to that day “I got scared and didn’t say it was my birthday but that I made them so I can share with my new ‘friends’. So everyone just thought I was just a very nice foreigner.”

“WAIT CHAOTIC IDEA!” Jin jumped as he yelled “what if on your birthday, we go in our drag personas and do some hood rat shit?”

“I’m game to bring back Takeshi.”

“Shid, Suka has been dying to make a come back.”

“Then it’s settled! Deez, Takeshi and Suka on some hood shit for Ita’s birthday!”

When I got to the dorms, I saw everyone and I realized I didn’t see them at all at school and it was a bit shocking.

“How was your day Palma-san?” asked Uraraka from the ceiling “we missed you in class!”

“My day went pretty standard” I took my shoes off “I don’t know what to do to occupy the time where I’m supposed to be in your class.”

“I heard from Kendo that you’re Mic-sensei’s understudy for their english class” Momo said as she walked in the room “How was the B class?”

“Oh they’re a bit scared that I’m in the class, they think I’m going to tell them to give me 20 push ups per mistake.” I take a look at the weekly duties and I see that I’m on dinner duties the day before my birthday “Oh that’s cool, I get to chef it up in the kitchen on that Friday.”

“What’s so special about the 6th of February?” asked Uraraka coming down from the ceiling.

“Oh, you’ll see” I winked “I have so many special things planned.”

I go about the rest of my day and pack a few more things. 

-Thursday, 2 more days until move out-

“Palma-san!” whined Kaminari and Kirishima “help us with our strategy homework, please!”

I was playing video games in the commons room in my fuzzy pants when they blocked the TV with their bullshit. “Depends, do you have something for me in return?” 

“I have 2,000 yen and a quad of dark chocolate truffles.” Kirishima presents the items and elbows Kaminari.

“Uhh I have 1,000 yen and this unused gift card for the arcade.” Kaminari dug through his pockets.

“Deal, what can I help you with?” I took the payment and helped them with their homework. I later promoted my baking services to everyone else and got pre-order almost immediately. I finish packing my things for Saturday and it felt so good that I was going where I belong.

-Friday, In English 2-

“...pass up your quiz and Miss Palma will pass back your graded assignments from last week.” Mic said as I zipped around to pass back a stack of work.

“Oof I didn’t do as well as I thought I did on that assignment” cringed Tetsutetsu as their own grade “oi Monoma, how did you do on your paper?”

“None of your business you oaf” Monoma scoffed.

“That’s code for he didn’t do well either” I said as I gave Kendo their work back.

“Oh Palma-san! Mind if I talk to you real quick in the hall about something?” Tetsutetsu blurted out before I turned my attention to something else.

“Um sure” we waited until class ended to head to the hall “what’s up?”

“I have 2 things to ask of you” he took a deep breath “one, what is the name of your brown haired classmate? the one in the intelligence program.”

“Brown hair?- OH you mean Yuka!” I get suspicious that he asks for her name.

“Cool, ok the second thing, can you maybe” he gets embarrassed “can you, like, introduce me to them? I’ve had a crush on her since the sports festival but I want to get to know her better and maybe go out with her.”

“Oh thats so sweet Tetsu!” I get a little teary eyed “hmm, I mean if you want to talk to her in a non-school environment, on the 13th my class is hosting a party at our dorms. I can get you in BUT you have to abide our rules to avoid getting kicked out.”

“I’ve never been to a dorm party” he thought about it for a bit “ok, I’m in!”

“Cool, remember, 13th at 7pm. Come alone to the 3rd floor of the intel dorms, just say your name and you’ll be let in.”

I teleport off to my next class but Monoma was spying on the entire thing “Humph, why do you get invited to the party and I don’t” Monoma was getting booty tickled “I am much cooler than you and should be invited to all the school parties!”

“Oh I didn’t see you there, I just want to get closer to her classmate” he puts up his guard “I didn’t even know they were having a party.”

I teleport to the store right after school to pick up a few things for dinner and get things started. I make Barbacoa with rice and beans and 2 types of salsa. I make do with the tortillas that I bought and served them warmed.

“Palma-san! This looks so authentic” screamed everyone when they saw me plate.

“Its almost like....I’m Hispanic” I sassed back “well dig in everyone, also the green salsa is the spiciest, fair warning.”

I saw everyone eating and talking while I cleaned up, it reminded me of my family during the holidays. I missed them so, not so much these crackheads when I move in the morning.

“What’s the special occasion Palma-san?” asked Sero, breaking me out of my thought “this is something you’d cook back home for the holidays right? So what are we celebrating?”

“Oh well, you caught me” I giggled as I took off my apron “Today is February 6th, and tomorrow is my birthday! But I never celebrate my birthday on the actual day.”

Everyone stopped eating, they could not believe what I just said. “Why? It’s a birthday! You should be partying up!” spoke up Kirishima.

“I know but every year, on my birthday, something bad or really weird happens” I start to recall the past “like on my 15th, somebody picked a fight with my best friend at school. Oh and my 16th, I felt unwelcomed in your class and Tenya made me cry during lunch.”

“WE MET YOU ON YOUR BIRTHDAY AND YOU DIDN’T SAY ANYTHING?!” squawked Tokoyami “were those cookies you gave us so we could celebrate your birthday?”

I nodded in embarrassment, Iida stood up and bowed profusely “I am extremely sorry I ruined your birthday it was all my fault!”

“Woah woah! Tenya it wasn’t all your fault” I waved my hands to make him stop “My coffee that day didn’t turn out good and I accidentally kicked Jin in the arm in weapons.”

“So you just celebrate the day before just so you have a good day before whatever happens tomorrow won’t really ruin what you already celebrated” Kaminari pieced it together “thats a genius move, but this there cake?”

“Oh god no! Cake on birthdays trigger me” I shudder “it’s tradition to get your face slammed in the cake in my culture and I don’t want to get frosting in my nose, so no cake, just a nice peaceful meal that will lead into a relaxing evening.”

We finished up dinner and I take a shower but it seems like everyone was in the bathroom too. At this point everyone was used to me being wrapped in my towels to hide my girl body so it was routine when I stepped out of the shower. But this time my towel caught on something and the towel that covered my body fell off in front of all the boys. I have never craved death in my entire life because I could feel everyone’s eyes on me.

“H-h-here Ita” Iida stuttered as he took off the towel off his head and looked away to give it to me “let me just-”

“Not a step closer” I put my hand out to stop him “y’all been waiting to see a body, here it is!” I said with violent energy “look at it! Look at all of my flab, body hair and shelf ass.” I made my way to the door “get outta my way, before I smack you with my saggy titties.”             

They all flinched when I slammed the door “I mean, they weren’t that saggy” spoke up Mineta.

“You’re disgusting Mineta, this is why she called you baby carrot dick” Shoji scolded.

I calmed down a bit when I remembered that I was moving in the morning. I get a knock at my door an hour later.

“Who is it?”

“It’s Tokoyami”

“Oh uhh is it cool if I just-” I teleported outside my door, just so he doesn’t see my boxes “hehe whats up?”

“Um I just wanted to make it up to you after all...that” he signaled to his room.

“Oh I see~” I look around to see if anybody was looking or passing the hallway “take me away Toko~”. We spend the night together like we usually do and it made me feel a whole lot better. In the morning, I had to teleport out to my room and get everything ready to yeet over via portal. The plan was to get Jin to portal everything over for a discreet and quick move from one dorm to the other. Once everything was portaled over, I took out my door plaque and did a quick sweep of the room for the next person. While I was putting things away in my new dorm, everyone in the other dorm was bustling about.

“Iida-kun! You made pancakes?” Mina exclaimed “are they for who I think it is?”

“It you were thinking of Palma-san, then yes, they are for her” he plated the pancakes “I also made coffee, all for her to enjoy on her very normal and pleasant, birthday.” He knocks on her door “Ita, come out, we have a something special for you.” No answer, Iida checks the time, it’s 9:50am “Ita? Are you ok in there? It’s a little late for you to stay in.”

“Maybe she’s still embarrassed about last night?” spoke up Koda.

“She seemed fine when we were having conversation last night” Tokoyami recalled “let me try-” he saw that my name plaque was gone “Wait, something’s off!” he opened the door and saw that the room was completely empty of anything remotely her.

“How? We just saw her last night!” Iida yelled trying to make sense of everything “there is no way she could’ve moved all her things out in one night! Even with her quirk!”

“Wow, February 7th is cursed” said Mineta peeking in “then where could’ve Palma-san gone with all her stuff?”

Meanwhile, I finish moving in and put my name plaque in it’s holder. “Ahh dorm sweet dorm!”

“Yo! I made waffles and bacon” yelled Yuka from the kitchen “coffee’s done brewing too! Come get yall’s food.”

We all gather around to eat and it felt nice that I can say all my dumb stuff and not get scolded or be taken too seriously.

“Palma-san, how did you manage with all that hero shit in the dorms?” asked Hansai “I mean, being the only agent there and everyone is thrown in for a loop anytime you want to do something, it had to be tiring.”

“Oof it was” I said stopping mid-sip of my coffee “our personalities clashed too and I just dealt with it one day at a time because they’re just a mess. I bet they’re looking for me right now because I didn’t bust out of my room for coffee at real coffee hour.”

“You didn’t tell them?” Yuka said shocked.

“I told a few of them I’m going to my proper dorms 2nd year but not the day” I calmly said “also, in case they bust in here, tell them I went a mini adventure.”

After, I did my routine things, did homework until lunch and transformed myself into Takeshi. I had to put on make up for Deez and Suka just sat there and watched. We looked like biological men and woman, ready for chaos. 

“Ok yall, voice changers on!” I said as I flipped mine to the proper setting.

“But first!” Mimi said running to the fridge and taking out some shot glasses full of something “jello shots! for babygirl’s 17th birthday!”

“Aww you guys! I’m getting soft!” I blushed as everyone sang happy birthday to me and we downed jello shots and made our way to downtown. “Yall wanna hit up the arcade? I got this gift card with 3,500 yen on it.”

“Bitch thats like 20 rounds on DDR!” Mimi exclaimed “I’m down but the arcade isn’t poppin yet, maybe in like another hour.”

“Oh! lets go to the candy store so I can act out and maybe pick a fight with some dude that touches my butt.” Jin said, really living his fantasy in his frilly dress and wig.

“I’m down to play punk boyfriend” I turn to Mimi “lets go tell them to respect women.” We go to the candy store and ,of course, some dude from school tries to get with Deez and I swoop in for the fight. “Oi! Is this boy bothering you babe~”

“Takeshi! that brute put his hands on me when all I want is the chocolate eggs” Jin does his dramatics.

Mimi and I take it outside as Jin gets and pays for our candy. “Respect women you scum!” Mimi said before tossing the guy in the trash.

“Heh good one Suka! Oh babe you ready to go?” I said to Jin skipping up to us.

“Yea! I got your favorite~ sour cherries and gummy worms. And for Suka, a surprise bag of candy.”

“Oh boy!” Mimi said getting their candy “fighting bitches makes me wanna eat something sweet!”

We walk around a bit then go to the arcade at it’s peak so we can pick more fights. We’re having a nice time, then Jin freezes in place “Okay, don’t look behind you Ita but it’s the red head and his boyf.”

Mimi looks “Confirmed, and they’re not alone. There’s one broccoli, thermostat, a robot, dumb pikachu and office depot.”

“Oh geez, but I kinda want to know what they’re doing here” I try not to look behind me.

“Chaotic and spicy, but what if we start shit with them?” Jin told us while hopping.

“Fuck it, lets start some shit.” I said as we walk near them, like we didn’t see them.

“Come on Iida-kun, cheer up” Midoriya said tugging at his arm “Palma-san always returns after a while, maybe she wanted to be away from us for the weekend?”

“I suppose, but I remember her telling me she likes coming here to play DDR and I wanted to take her here today” He sighed “I was going to give her one nice birthday for the one I ruined.” 

“What were you planning on doing with her?” asked Todoroki.

“Well, I planned to give her that pancake breakfast, then take her to a spa so she can get pampered, then shopping at the mall to buy her anything she wants, maybe eat somewhere she wanted, maybe a movie” he takes out a list from his pocket “basically spend the whole day together until nightfall, where I was going to take her to our secret spot and kiss her and just pour my heart out.”

“Sounds like you know how to treat a lady” said Jin before anyone else had a chance to say anything “sorry, couldn’t help but overhear.”

“Hey I remember you!” Kaminari perked up “you’re T’boone’s girlfriend, and I see you’re” he put his arm around Jin “all alone, but don’t worry! I’m here to treat you right.”

A hand stretches and backhands Kaminari “You can’t treat another man’s lady” Mimi and I walk closer “Now paws off or paws up!”

He takes his arm off Jin “Takeshi! Sorry I ran off like that” he jumps at the sight of me “they were talking about that one girl you were going to replace.”

“That curly haired, big assed girl?” Mimi said trying not to laugh “She’s such a babe! I wouldn’t mind letting her body slamming me in ring if you know what I mean hehe.”

I try to hold it together “Anyways, what about her?”

“She’s gone, dorm empty and everything” Kirishima elbowed Iida “and this guy isn’t talking it too well.”

“Was she your girlfriend or som?”

“No! But she’s a really good friend and it’s her birthday today” Iida looks at me, making me nervous “hm, why is it the last time she disappeared without a trace, you appear?”

“Just coincidence! But if you want to find her” I bring Jin forward “my girl here has the quirk soul search, she can find anybody by tapping in on a soul level.”

Jin played along “Yup! Now tell me, which one of yous is the closest to her?” they all point to Iida “okay, now I’m going to tap into your soul to find hers.” He puts his hands on Iida’s temples “Let’s see, curly hair, curly hai- OH I FOUND HER! And she’s alive and well with 2 other people, a thin boy and a tall muscular girl. They are in...downtown! And... uh Takeshi can you-” 

“I got you babe” I put my hand on his back “energy at your disposal.”

“Thanks babe, okay, so in downtown they just left the bubble tea shop and they’re going to the pizza place...oh I don’t know if this is an important clue but the curly haired girl said ‘after dinner, Im gonna space out at the tree.’ does that mean anything?”

“I know where that is! What a relief that she’s okay!” he breathed out “that pizza place is all the way across this block, I have to go find her!” He gets up and thanks Deez and runs off.

“Wow, does that girl know he’s into her?” asked Jin to the others, just to get a reaction.

“I don’t know anymore” Midoriya sighed “they spend time together, he’s overprotective of her and she shares her secrets with him. I feel like he’s scared that he’s going to ruin their friendship or thinks that he’s not her type.” 

“But we all feel like they belong together” Kirishima gets mushy “you can tell from the way they talk to each other and how they spend time alone together.”

There’s that talk again I thought but I still don’t believe them “Well, I hope today is the day then” I said to change the subject back to what we were going to do “anyways, my girl and homeboy here were gonna play 20 rounds of DDR, wanna join?”

“20 ROUNDS OF DDR?!” Kaminari spat out his drink “you gotta be the master of the light up tiles to have stamina like that!”

We did 15 rounds before we got hungry and headed to the dorms. Mimi, Jin and I pretended to head to the train station to get out of sight to portal to the dorms. I remembered that Iida was probably still looking for me and I quickly de-dragged back to myself and headed to the tree. Sure enough, he was there and still in his street clothes.

“Tenya?” I said like I was surprised he was there “what are you doing here, alone?”

“ITA?!” he jumped at the sound of my voice “I um, I thought maybe I’d run into you here.” I made my way up to where he was “I wanted to spend the day with you today.”

“Oh? why?” I asked even though I already know why.

“Because, I wanted to give you a good birthday” he pulled the list out of his pocket to show me “I had a whole day planned for us but then I came to your room this morning to it being empty like you were never there.” he looked at my face “where did you go?”

“I told you, I moved to the proper dorms” I said pointing to my new dorm window “I had a decent birthday, I moved very early in the morning with Jin’s portals and went out with my squad to downtown.”

“It must of slipped my mind” he scratched his head trying to remember “but I’m glad you’re safe, I thought we all finally pushed you over the edge with what happened the night before.”

“Ehh, I’m over all that, it was bound to happen” I shrugged “I don’t know how all this could’ve been prevented with a text.”

Iida’s eyes widened, then he covered his face “How could I forget that?! I went on a wild goose chase trying to find you!” he started laughing “I guess I really do think I’m fastest thing here, you should’ve seen me zip around downtown...”

He told me the events of the arcade and where he went to find me and how he figured I’d eventually come here. All the while, I felt the feelings come back and that I should express them. But not now, Valentines day will be the day I do my indisputable gesture of my feelings that’s culturally correct. But DAMN the urge to kiss him is strong right now.

“Wow thats crazy” I played along.

“Yeah....so why end your day here?”

“Well its a ritual of mine, or more like, my dad’s and mine” I say as I point up at the stars “every year on my birthday, as far as I can remember, my dad would try to comfort me from a long day of nothing going right. He’d put me on his lap and we’d look up at the stars, he’d tell me that when I was born, it was on a very clear and starry night. So when he held me on that first night as my mom slept, he sat with me at the window, stargazing and pouring all his hopes and dreams on how he hoped I’d grow up to be.” I sigh and leaned back “its one of the few things I looked forward to every year, but last year made me feel like I was missing a part of myself. It just didn’t feel the same without my dad, so I cried as I looked at the stars from my bedroom window. My wish was to have the next one a little more bearable and to feel less lonely.”

“Did it come true?” 

“Well considering I’m not crying, my day went well and you’re here” I turned my head to him “I’d say my wish was fulfilled.”

We sat there in silence as we stargazed. He caught a glance at me, I was smiling and my face read sincere and calm. She’s at ease he thought maybe this move was a good thing. We said our good nights and he went to bed thinking about how her life is going to improve now that she’s where she belongs.

“Iida-kun! Did you see her last night?” ask Todoroki at the table, it was 9am the next day.

“Yea, she was there” Iida said pouring himself juice “it totally slipped my mind, but she told me that she moved to her proper dorms early yesterday morning” he sat at the table with the others “so she’s our neighbor now.”

“How can something so important slip your mind?” Sero said, trying to make sense of it “I guess it doesn’t matter now, the mornings are going to be so quiet without her.”

Meanwhile in the intel dorms, all of us were singing to Wannabe by Spice Girls while waiting for breakfast. It was just the beginning of all the great things that was going to accompany me that year, and there was nothing that was going to stop....I kinda wish it would’ve tho.

-End Chapter 22-

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[attractive-asshole]

i see in blue and you see everything in red

title: i see in blue and you see everything in red pairing: baeksoo length: oneshot (3K+ w) rating: pg-13 genre: angst  warnings: broken!baeksoo

Divorced Couple Shares Each Side Of Their Love Story

a/n: based on this video, this was word vomit written at like 1am so yeah please excuse any mistakes or whatever lol (sorry for the cliche ending but the whole thing’s kinda cliche so lolol)

aff / ao3 / lj or click keep reading

September 9, 2017

Divorced Couple Shares Each Side Of Their Love Story

“Can you guys start off by saying your name and age?”

“Do Kyungsoo, 34”

“Byun Baekhyun, 34”

What was your first impression?

Baekhyun’s side >>>>>

“We were in college, I worked at this one coffee shop near campus that everyone would go to and we’d have an open mic night every Friday. Kyungsoo was a friend of my coworker and he came in to sing something. I had seen him around campus once or twice, never really thought about him much since he was usually really quiet and kept to himself,” Baekhyun lightly laughed, “But when he started singing I was so shocked, he had such a beautiful and smooth voice and it completely swept me off my feet. I had been singing for a while too, but when I heard him that night I wished I had a voice like that.”

“I feel like he didn’t really like me when I first started talking to him, I’m not really subtle with my flirting so it probably scared him a little,” he chuckled, “but eventually, he gave into my charm and we really hit it off.”

Kyungsoo’s side <<<<<

“It was back in college. He worked in a coffee shop that my friend worked at and he had told me to come perform something for open mic night because I like to sing. I remember him coming up to be after the performance and I didn’t tell him this at the time, but I thought he was really cute. He looked so happy and excited to talk to me. The way his eyes lit up when he spoke about my singing was what attracted me to him, I think. He was so different from me, that’s what scared me I think. I knew I could fall for him easily, but I guess I didn’t really want to, cause I knew we were too different. He was really outgoing and made friends so easily, everyone loved him, I wasn’t like that. But I couldn’t say no to him and eventually we started going out.”

December 23, 2001

Baekhyun doesn’t know why he agreed to work today, he still has so much to do to prepare for Christmas. The shop is packed, he doesn’t know why everyone would want to spend the day before Christmas Eve at a small coffee shop, figures people would be hurrying to the stores to buy last minute gifts, but here they are. The bright side was that it’s extremely warm inside, despite the three feet of snow and the biting winter air outside. It’s  open mic night again and Chanyeol’s  been waiting for it all day, said he and his friend were suppose to perform something they had been practicing all week for, even brought his old guitar and everything.

~

Baekhyun recognizes Kyungsoo’s face from around campus. Those big eyes and thick lips were hard things to forget. They had never actually talked before, Kyungsoo was always alone whenever Baekhyun had seen him, always sitting under the shade of a tree with a book in his hand or sitting by himself at a table in the library. He’s the last person Baekhyun expected to walk through the doors of the shop that night.

“I didn’t know he could sing.”

Chanyeol pauses his ministrations of tuning his guitar to look up at the boy on the stage adjusting the mic.  “Kyungsoo? Oh yeah he’s amazing, we always jam out together on the weekends.”

Baekhyun hums in acknowledgement, watching the other as he stood awkwardly on stage waiting for Chanyeol to come up.

~

Kyungsoo’s voice is warm, thick but smooth honey, Baekhyun thinks, warming him up better than the hot chocolate he had in his mug. The entire shop is quiet, everyone’s attention on the two on stage and it was Kyungsoo that captivated them all. Chanyeol was right, he was amazing. There’s a fluttery feeling in pit of Baekhyun’s stomach that he can’t quite ignore as he listens to the singer, his voice tickling  it’s way down his spine, sending chills throughout his entire body. Maybe he’s being dramatic, Baekhyun thinks, but he was in love.

~

“Wow, Chanyeol was right, you’re amazing.” Baekhyun leans in closer so the other could hear him better over the chattering of everyone in the shop.

Baekhyun is all smiles and cute droopy eyes, Kyungsoo doesn’t think he’s ever seen him before, he was pretty sure he’d remember a face like that.

Kyungsoo smiles back, a light pink dusting at the apples of his cheeks. “Thanks.”

“Seriously, your voice is so nice. I’d marry it if I could,” Baekhyun chuckles, his eyes curving into little crescents and Kyungsoo thinks he wouldn’t mind waking up to those everyday.

Kyungsoo can’t stop the tingling feeling in the pit of the stomach as Baekhyun laughs. He forces himself to keep his eyes on the other’s eyes when he catches him glancing toward his pink lips, unconsciously smiling when noticing the little mole.

If it was for Baekhyun, Kyungsoo thinks maybe, he wouldn’t mind singing all night long.

Most embarrassing thing he’s done?

Kyungsoo’s side <<<<<

“Hmmm, there’s been a lot actually,” Kyungsoo gave the other a smile small, “The most memorable time I think is this one time when I visited him at work and I was just sitting there watching him make coffee and whatnot. He was chewing gum and trying to sing along to this song on the radio, he always does that he loves singing no matter where he’s at, and he accidentally swallowed his gum and started choking so of course I run to him trying to help him and then he finally spits it out and it lands into this customer’s coffee who was sitting at the bar in front of him.” He took a second to laugh to himself, earning him a curious smile from the other.

“It was so awkward and Baekhyun was so embarrassed but I couldn’t help but laugh. I would always tease about it, even now.”

What was the relationship like?

Baekhyun’s side >>>>>

“Well we’re really different from each other, I was more affectionate like physically. I’d always be the one to cling onto him while he was doing homework or something or wanting to kiss and hold hands in public and he was always more shy about it so when we first started dating I kinda thought like oh shit maybe he doesn’t like me as much as I like him, but then as time went on I just realized he wasn’t the kind of the person that showed love like that and I could still tell he loved me you know? He has something about him that made me feel safe and protected, even though he didn’t always say it, I could tell he loved me. Like whenever he called me from work to make sure I ate or the way he’d pull me closer whenever we walked on the sidewalk and cars were driving by fast. I just knew he really cared.”

Kyungsoo’s side <<<<<

“There’s never a dull moment with Baekhyun. He was something I didn’t know I needed in my life, he’s just this ball of energy that I never got tired of. My friends would always look at us and say ‘Wow Kyungsoo’s never gone out with someone like you before, you guys are like opposites’ We always thought it was funny, because it was true, but Baekhyun just a quality about him that made me feel different you know? In a good way, of course. He was just always there to remind me not to be so serious all the time and even though he loves to joke around he could tell when I was having a bad day even though I didn’t say it. He just always knew what to say and do. I’ve never had anyone like him before in my life.”

February 14, 2004

Kyungsoo comes home to a smoke filled apartment, he quickly dropped his belongings and runs inside to see what was going on. He finds his boyfriend running around the kitchen with a baking pan full of what looked to be burnt cookies, though he wasn’t sure.

“Baek, are you okay?” he asked, concern evident in his voice.

The other nearly drops the tray when he sees Kyungsoo, his eyes immediately welling up and before Kyungsoo could do anything, he drops the tray onto the counter and bursts into tears.

He quickly runs to his distressed boyfriend, taking him into his arms and holding in him tight. “Hey, hey what’s wrong? Are you hurt?”

“I-I wanted to surprise you with dinner since it’s V-Valentine’s day,” Baekhyun hiccups through sobs, “But I ruined everything and everything is burnt and Valentine’s day is ruined! I’m sorry I shouldn’t have done anything, now our kitchen is a mess and we don’t have dinner or anything. It was suppose be a special night.”

Kyungsoo sighs, an endearing smile on his face as he wipes the flour off the other’s cheek with his thumb before pressing a soft kiss onto his lips.

“Hey come on, stop crying it’s okay. Thanks for trying to surprise me, I really appreciate it.”

The other wipes his tear stained cheeks with his sleeves, lips pulled into a pout as he looks at his boyfriend. “Y-You do?”

Kyungsoo helps wipes away the tears running down his face and pulls his head into his chest. “Of course you idiot, I love you.”

“I love you too.”

>>>>>Both sides<<<<<

“It’s been so long since I’ve sat down and thought about all the good times we’ve had,” Baekhyun said, a small smile on his face.

“Yeah, it’s definitely...nostalgic, remembering all the dumb stuff you’ve done.”

A playful pout pulled at the other’s lips as he lifted up a leg to gently kick Kyungsoo’s shin.

“Yah you better not be telling them my embarrassing stories.”

“Too late.”

How did the relationship progress?

Kyungsoo’s side <<<<<

“I think for the first four years, we were still in like the honeymoon stage. Everything was good. We ended getting married right after college and I think it was just too fast and we were still too young and that was when things started getting rough.”

Baekhyun’s side >>>>>

“It was really good at first, we were like the typical perfect couple in romance movies,” he chuckled, “But then after we got married was probably when things got more complicated.”

“We were just too young and dumb I think,” he said with a sad smile on his face.

>>>>>Both sides<<<<<

“We definitely…weren’t ready for marriage,” Kyungsoo said.

Baekhyun lightly laughed, nodding his head. “Yeah I think we just rushed into it too fast especially since we had just graduated and we barely knew what the real world was like and we didn’t realize how hard it would be.”

“Yeah we were probably a little too naive, thinking that marriage was going to be this perfect, easy thing like it was in movies.”

How did it end?

Baekhyun’s side >>>>>

“Well the first couple years were fine, we were still living in our tiny apartment. But then we wanted to move out, get an actual house and everything was just a mess. Work started getting in the way of everything, we never really saw each other anymore. I always told him he was working too much and he’d always just brush me off, I knew he was working hard to support us but it was hard you know? I felt  like we weren’t really in it together anymore.”

Kyungsoo’s side <<<<<

“Looking back it, I definitely think it was my fault. I was never really good at expressing my thoughts and feelings and when we hit the rough patch, the communication wasn’t there and now that I look back I put Baekhyun through a lot of pain that he didn’t deserve. Everyone always called us the perfect couple and we both knew we weren’t. I think the pressure to keep up this act being super in love and happy was just too much and I ended up working a lot to cope with it all and I was just never home anymore. Baekhyun had tried to talk to me so many times and I was just too stupid to make things work.”

>>>>>Both sides<<<<<

“It was really hard for me to get you to talk about what was going on,” Baekhyun explained, looking at the other in the eyes, “I felt like you never really wanted to acknowledge the problem I had to keep it in and deal with everything myself. I should’ve tried harder to fix things and I regret that the most.”

Kyungsoo slowly nodded as Baekhyun spoke, hands in his lap playing with the hem of his sweater.

October 13, 2009

“Maybe,” Baekhyun sighs, “Maybe this isn’t working anymore.”

The silence between them is almost suffocating.

It’s been a week since they’ve had dinner together, with every night ending with Baekhyun sitting alone at the dinner table waiting for Kyungsoo to come home so they could eat together and every night ending with him receiving a text informing him that husband wasn’t coming home that night. Things shouldn’t be like this, Baekhyun thinks, marriage shouldn’t be like this.

“Yeah,” Kyungsoo says quietly as he picks at his steak with his fork, “I know.”

How did you become friends again?

Baekhyun’s side <<<<<

“It was definitely awkward for a while,” he lightly laughed, “But we still had a lot of mutual friends and we started seeing each other more often and things slowly became better and we started talking more and actually became friends. We both liked music and singing so we bonded a lot over that.”

What’s it like now?

Kyungsoo’s side >>>>>

“It’s...good now, we’re definitely not the best of friends,” he joked, “But we talk normally when we see each other like old friends meeting up and it’s never awkward when we hang out with a group of friends.”

Is there something you’d like to tell him?

Baekhyun’s side <<<<<

“That I really value our friendship and I don’t ever regret marrying him even though things didn’t work out. He was the longest relationship I ever had and I’ll always cherish the memories we made together and that I’m glad he’s still in my life now.”

Kyungsoo’s side >>>>>

“That I should’ve treated him better. He the kindest person I’ve ever met and he didn’t deserve everything I put him through. I should’ve been there more, I should communicated better, I should’ve been the support he needed instead of being selfish and stupid and letting him deal with everything on his own. I should tried harder to fix things.”

May 24, 2015

“Hey isn’t that...?” Chanyeol points to the man wearing a blue sweater standing at the cash register waiting for his order to be taken.

Kyungsoo’s heart skips a beat at the sight of the other.

“Oh,” Kyungsoo breathes out, “Yeah.”

Baekhyun’s always loved that sweater, he would wear it all the time when they were still together. He forces himself to look away and turns his attention down at the mug in his hand. Chanyeol gives him an apologetic look, maybe he shouldn’t have pointed him out. “You gonna be okay?” Chanyeol asks, reaching across the table to give the other’s shoulder a gentle squeeze.

“It’s been years, of course I’m gonna be okay,” Kyungsoo lightly chuckles before taking a sip of his coffee.

“I know,” the other sighs, “But, maybe you should talk to him.”

“We do talk.”

“You know what I mean,” Chanyeol sighs, “You should tell him you still love him. It’s been years, both of have you grown and matured maybe it could work?”

Kyungsoo watches as Baekhyun takes his drinks from the barista with a smile and walks through the doors to meet up with a tall man waiting for him outside. He watches as Baekhyun smiles up at the man before stands up on his tippy toes to press a chaste kiss on the other’s lips. Kyungsoo tries his best to ignore the ache in his heart as he watches them walk away down the street, hand in hand, tries his best to keep a straight face even though he feels like throwing up.

“He’s happy now, Chanyeol. I don’t want to ruin that for him.”

Biggest regrets?

>>>>>Both sides<<<<<

“What I regret most...was probably not trying harder to get you to talk so we could work things out, I should’ve been better at vocalizing my thoughts,” Baekhyun said.

“For me, it was not treating you right, I should been a better husband. One that you deserved and needed.”

“Well damn, next time,” Baekhyun joked with a snap of his fingers.

They both laugh in their seats before giving each other a quick hug and thanking the interviewers  and going their separate ways.

~

December 10, 2017

The shops’s packed today. It’s been so long since Kyungsoo’s been back here, back to where they first met. A strong wave of nostalgia hits him as he stands in line, looking around their old hangout spot. Not much has changed, he notes, the same old floral couch is still there and by the look of the sign on the wall it seems like they still do open mic nights, except they’re on Saturdays now.

“Hey, Kyungsoo?”

He whips his head around to the familiar voice.

“Oh, hey.”

Baekhyun is still all smiles and cute droopy eyes, even after sixteen years.

“What are you doing here?” Kyungsoo asks, he catches himself looking at Baekhyun’s lips and mentally curses himself.

“Getting coffee duh.” Baekhyun playfully rolls his eyes. Kyungsoo forgot how much misses Baekhyun’s sass and obnoxious, but cute personality.

“I mean back in the city, you idiot,” the other scoffs, “Didn’t you move?”

“Yeah but me and Sehun are visiting my parents for the whole month, you know, for Christmas and whatnot.”

Kyungsoo slightly tenses up at the mention of Sehun. “Right, right. How’s it going between you two?”

He doesn’t know why he asked, he really doesn’t want to know.

“We’re good, my mom keeps asking when we’re getting married but I’m not even sure if he wants to get married, not sure if he can deal with all this,” he jokes.

“He’d be lucky to married to a guy like you,” Kyungsoo says, trying his hardest to give the other a sincere a smile.

Baekhyun doesn’t hesitate to return it with a big smile of his own, Kyungsoo can feel his heart racing in his chest.

“Thanks, Kyungsoo.”

“Well I better get going, Sehun’s waiting for his hot chocolate, I swear he’s a kid,” Baekhyun laughs, “I’ll uhm see you around?”

Kyungsoo doesn’t want him to leave just yet, he doesn’t want him to go back home to Sehun, he wants them to pick off where they left off.

“Yeah,” Kyungsoo says, “See you around.”

But he knows that can’t happen.

The other gives him one final wave before slipping out the door and disappearing into the crowd of people on the street.

Maybe in their next life, Kyungsoo thinks, they could have their happy ending.

[bennet-darcy]

do all of the asks if your up for it !

I’m putting this under a read more because wow, it got long. 

Sunrises: What is something you are looking forward to?

I’m really, very excited to have my exams over with, and to have finished my first year of uni! My last exam is on the 30th, so I’ll be done soon, yay! 

Also, once I’m done with exams, I’m going to be going home to California for a bit to visit family, which I’m very excited about! Then after that, I’ll be going to Colorado to see my friends and family there, which I am also very excited about! 

Honeybees: What is something you have done recently that you are proud of? It can be anything at all, even just waking up every morning.

Since I’m getting ready to move back home to the US, I’ve been reflecting a lot lately on my time here in the UK, and I feel really proud of myself for what I’ve accomplished in this amount of time. Moving to London, I had no connections. No friends or family here to make the transition easier. I was 5000 miles away from everyone I knew. The first few weeks living here were really rough, and I was constantly homesick, and fearful about the simplest things: going to get groceries, going to class, etc. 

After about 2 months, though, I made some really great friends and developed great connections with lots of people at my uni, and a few from outside uni, as well. I feel really comfortable with living in London, and being on my own, and taking care of myself, now. It’s been a huge learning experience and I’m really very proud of myself for developing sort of a life for myself here. 

Okay sorry for that novel, but yes. I’m proud of myself for what I’ve accomplished in the past 9 months, living in London. 

Roller skating: What are your hobbies?

Recently, I’ve been taking dance fitness classes that are really a lot of fun. I’ve been enjoying that, a lot. I sometimes take random walks throughout the city, and check out local landmarks. When I was living at home, I played the violin every once in a while, but I’ve been out of practice for so long at this point, I probably don’t know how to play anymore, tbh. I also enjoy reading and cooking/baking (but with cooking/baking, I have to be in the right Mood to enjoy it?) Yeah. 

Stars: What are your favorite blogs?

http://www.johnwatsonblog.co.uk/

http://www.thescienceofdeduction.co.uk/

Poppy flowers: What are your favorite flowers?

This…. I can’t.. Please don’t do this to me. I have way too many favorites, I cannot choose. Some of my favorites in no particular order are: roses, peonies, tulips, daisies, lavender, sunflowers, and carnations  

Lemonade: What is the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for you?

!!!!!!!! warning: gay screaming ahead !!!!!!!!

Okay so. At this point, you all know that uh, I’m gay, and that Devan is incredible and so lovely and a very important person in my life. 

So. For Valentine’s Day, she made me a video thing? It was a compilation of clips from movies/tv shows that, all held some significance to either me or her, or both of us. She included clips from Love Actually (which is a fave for both of us), Ghostbusters (the first movie we had gone to see together), Pride and Prejudice (my favorite movie in the world), Moulin Rouge (another movie that we had watched together), The Office (a show that we both enjoy) and Sherlock (because sherlock and john are gay and in love and lovely, also Devan and I sort of began talking with each other because of Sherlock so :’) ) 

But yes, that was probably one of the sweetest things that anyone has done for me. It was just !!!! so customized, and each clip had special significance, and I can tell she put a lot of thought into it, and I cried so much when she sent it to me, and it still makes me tear up when I watch it. Wow. Literally just. Wow. Have I mentioned that she’s incredible? Oh my gosh.

Okay, gay screaming over. Sorry for being a sappy mess. 

Dogs: What do you look for in friends?

Usually it’s important to me that the other person and I have at least a few things in common with each other, such as a common interest. I think that’s what the majority of my friendships have been based on. 

Other than that, it’s really nice when I find someone that has the same sense of humor as me. 

Painting: If you could dye your hair any color, what would it be?

I’ve always thought pastel colored hair is soooo pretty and cool looking! Light purple and light pink hair, especially. But I feel like I really would Not be able to pull it off. So uh. I’ll stick with brown hair, thanks. 

Smiles: What is the greatest compliment you have ever received? What is a compliment you wish someone would give you?

Okay so I don’t know if this is the greatest compliment I’ve ever received, but this is the one that’s most current and fresh in my mind, so I’ll share this one: 

On Thursday, I went to my last class of the year, which was my “Counselling Psychology” class. My teacher for that class, Augusta, is my favorite teacher I’ve EVER had. I really admire her a lot, and she teaches really well, and just has a great personality. 

Anyway, I was a bit early to class on Thursday morning, and it was just her and I in the classroom. So during this time, she says, “Amber, I just wanted to tell you, I’ve just finished grading all of the coursework for this class, and your presentation as well as your reflective essay were incredible. You’re very good in this subject, and I can tell that you’re passionate about it. I hope you continue to study psychology because I know you would do well in this field. You’re a very bright young lady.” AND I LITERALLY JUST ABOUT DIED! (And I low-key cried a little bit.)

I just !?!??!??! Coming from her, that meant SO much to me, because I admire her so much, so to hear that was just so meaningful and great. 

Fairy lights: If someone wanted to get to know you, what should they read/watch/listen to?

Read Pride and Prejudice, watch Pride and Prejudice, and listen to the Pride and Prejudice soundtrack. jkgsjkghsjg. I’m (kind of) joking. Umm?? I don’t know. I think my “Top 25 Most Played” playlist on my itunes sums me up pretty well. It’s a mix of Classical music, Ed Sheeran, Phantom of the Opera, Enya, Christmas music, and Pride and Prejudice. 

Dancing: Describe your dream date.

Fun fact (or, a rather depressing fact): I’ve actually never been on a proper date, so this is all brand new to me, and I’m basing this answer on theory, rather than previous experience.

But um. I feel like I’m pretty low maintenance, in this regard. Cuddling and watching movies with someone sounds ideal, honestly. Or just like. Taking a nap. fjksdhgkj. Other than that, like if we’re actually GOING somewhere, maybe like? A museum or art gallery? The aquarium, maybe? I don’t know jdgksghk. My lack of experience with this is really showing, oops. 

Rainbows: What always makes you feel better when you’re sad?

I call my mom and tell her what’s going on, and she’s always able to help me feel better about basically anything. I love my momma. 

I also like watching comedy movies/tv shows when I’m feeling sad. I’ve been watching a lot of Brooklyn 99 lately. 

Beaches: If you could go anywhere in the world, right this moment, where would you go?

Right this moment? Nowhere. I’m comfortable in bed, and I don’t wanna move. 

Cats: What do you like to do on lazy days?

Sleep in as late as possible, stay in pajamas all day, bake cookies/cupcakes, watch a movie. Something along those lines. 

Sunflowers: What do you want other people to think of you?

Umm.. I hope others think of me as being a kind, trustworthy, caring person. That’s so cliche and cheesy, but that’s really what’s most important to me. 

Laughter: List 5 things that make you happy.

Watching my favorite movie

Sleeping in late

Spending time with people I love 

Eating my favorite food 

Petting cats and dogs 

Balloons: When do you feel most like yourself?

I really enjoy traveling. It’s a really exciting, fulfilling feeling to have the opportunity to travel to places I’ve not been before. I feel most like myself when I’m wandering around a new city/country, trying to understand the geography, the language, the culture, etc. 

Daisies: What is your favorite quote?

“You must know, surely you must know, it was all for you. You are too generous to trifle with me. I believe you spoke with my aunt last night, and it has taught me to hope as I’d scarcely allowed myself before. If your feelings are still what they were last April, tell me so at once. My affections and wishes have not changed, but one word from you will silence me forever. If, however, your feelings have changed, I would have to tell you: you have bewitched me, body and soul, and I love… I love… I love you. And I never wish to be parted from you from this day on.” - Mr. Darcy 

Trees: Name one thing you have learned this past year that has made you a better person?

I have learned that my life and my decisions are not dependent on anyone else’s opinions or expectations. It’s up to me to create a life that I feel satisfied with, regardless of how it makes other people feel. 

Polaroids: What is your favorite thing about yourself?

I’m a very dedicated person, and a very hard worker. I’m confident in my abilities to achieve the things that I want. 

Sunsets: If you could paint the sky any colors, what would they be?

I love when the sky turns that pink/purple color during sunset! It’s so nice, and I wish it would stay that color forever. 

[therewillbesparkles]

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[ericaunsubscribed]

Reflections from the borderlands

I spent the month of February in Tucson, Arizona, a place unlike anywhere I’ve lived before—the bright colors, the huge cacti, the Southwestern culture so connected to the desert land and people. I’ll write another post about my explorations and travel recommendations, but wanted to share some observations about volunteering with one of the local groups working to end death and suffering for migrants in the borderlands. 

No More Deaths is a volunteer-run group that was started 12 years ago, and comes out of Tucson’s sanctuary movement in the 1980′s, when churches took in immigrant families to live in their sanctuaries so that they wouldn’t be deported. I’m back in Arizona now to join the group for a week at their desert camp on the border starting today. I’ve been with them twice to volunteer at a migrant aid center on the border in Nogales, Mexico, as well as to observe at Tucson’s Operation Streamline deportation court. These are my thoughts after my first visit to Nogales a few weeks ago.  I joined my friend Nancy, a long-time No More Deaths volunteer, on her weekly trips to the “Comedor," a dining hall and migrant assistance center run by the Kino Border Initiative. A small building with tarps for walls just across the Mariposa crossing, migrants come for breakfast and dinner—both those who have recently been deported from the US, as well as others who've made it to the border and are getting ready to cross.

Though the space is run by the Catholic group, it serves as a hub for others to come to help migrants on the border: Volunteers from the Unitarian Universalist and Presbyterian affiliated No More Deaths go daily to help people make phone calls and receive money transfers; the Mexican Consulate has a representative to help people retrieve their belongings from US detention centers; and a group of local retirees with Samaritans came to distribute clothes, including a few nurses who provided first aid. Whether you're Catholic, another religion, or not religious, it's hard not to be humbled by this space, the enormity of what the migrants are experiencing, and the way the staff and volunteers are there to serve people and treat them with dignity. They emphasize that it's not a soup kitchen—migrants sit at tables as others bring them food, and people help in ways as small as a smile or pat on the back to as big as petitioning for asylum to get someone to the US.

After getting by the greeter/bouncer in a yellow vest at the front door, we joined a darkened room of about 40 migrants and 15 volunteers and staffers. The migrants sat at picnic tables, mostly men from Central America and Mexico, a few women and children, and a few from Haiti (Haitians at the Mexican border...a whole different crazy story). They were watching a video with guys in cowboy hats talking in Spanish about knowing your rights. After the film ended, a woman who works at the Comedor took a microphone and spoke about human rights, saying "It's not just a dream in our hearts, it needs to be the reality." Then she went around the room with the mic, asking people to name one human right that the video talked about, or what was a right they had that had been violated, and what could you do about it. They were all hungry and eager for breakfast, but went along with it, giving answers and later clapping after different people spoke and made announcements. A priest said a prayer. The nuns told everyone which areas of town to avoid, where it was dangerous, to stay away from "la mafia" in certain areas. Nogales is not the safest place, and the Comedor workers don't want the migrants staying there for long, because they're walking targets for robberies and violence and scams (even though those who were recently deported often do want to stay in the town, to remain closer to US family). The nuns told everyone that there were people here with them today, us volunteers, to show they were not alone.

The group of retirees served everyone breakfast, and after they ate, we started with what I had come with my friend to do—helping those there make phone calls to friends or family. We had a few basic cell phones and would type in the country codes and numbers for them, then hopefully be able to get them connected (while also giving them gum we had bought at the gas station and/or a small kit of essentials for those who might be heading north).

The first guy to head our way had a neck covered in tattoos, and was more American looking than many of the other men in his jeans and a white t-shirt. We shook hands, introduced ourselves, and he told us he'd just gotten out of prison for 3 years in the US. He, like everyone else we met, was really nice and friendly and grateful. I settled in and got to work, signaling to the door guy each time we were ready for a new caller to come through. Another guy had lived in Phoenix for 25 years. So much of the rhetoric around these guys is that they're dangerous and scary—when in reality, migrants are the ones crossing or in the US because they want to work, earn money for their kids, or be with their family. It's *them* who are the targets of violence and have a reason to be scared.

Sitting there at a picnic table in the back of the room with the phones, the scene around us was a lively sort of chaos—the Samaritan retirees laying out all the clothes they'd brought, trying to size people up for what would fit them. One guy asked for "calcitines" (socks), as their feet get all blistered from so much walking. There were some intense moments—one guy, very bedraggled and covered in a torn up winter jacket, came over for medical assistance, and I tried to help translate. He slouched at the picnic table and said he'd been coughing up blood. The nurse looked at his throat and proclaimed it "all torn up," and went to find someone who could bring him to the Red Cross for antibiotics.

There were moments of lightness too. A little boy, maybe four years old, kept laughing and dancing around as his young father or uncle got his backpack ready and full of supplies. It being Valentines Day, the volunteers from Samaritans who were serving food had baked a yellow cake with pink and red hearts on it. One guy wished us "Feliz dia de San Valentin" with a grin after he made a phone call.

The most surreal part was the US border area. It had been re-done in 2014 with a $187 million pricetag, and was nice—really nice. There was art, footprints in the concrete, pretty vegetation and metal designs, curving pathways. A poem on glass by Arizona's poet laureate apparently inspired the architect of the complex: "The border is what joins us,/Not what separates us." Oh, and I saw *the wall.* Metal, some 15 feet high. There are areas where people can go and touch fingers and talk to relatives between it. But that's about the only humane thing about it.

Walking away from the border, my thoughts were: 1) It's good and important for us activists to get out from behind our computers more often and see some things and meet some people in the world we're wanting to change 2) American privilege is really real—and we need to step it up in the fight alongside immigrants and migrants and refugees to stop the raids and fear and insanity.