#mcr made me believe in love in the beginning and i’m trying to find it again now that they’re back and group experiences cement-

[sharktles]

coward in the process of getting up. i guess

[ilooklikeaburntchickenugget]

Addressing Lindsey

I really, really hate this topic a lot.

The fandom has been split forever over Lindsey. And here’s my take.

I’m the type of person where I believe love prevails over any emotion. It’s like overrule, the veto of emotions. There’s something so incredibly fascinating about love, true and genuine love. It’s a mystery until someone has found it, an unopened, untouched box.

That same box can open to a treasure chest of gold, and show the truest form of love. Or it can be Pandora’s box.

Yes, I believe Lindsey Way has many toxic personality traits. I don’t believe it is fair for me to classify her as a “bad person”, I don’t know her personally. However her actions lead me to believe she is definitely not a person to be necessarily fond of.

I’ve always been supportive of her and Gerard’s relationship, because (at least from what we can see) she makes Gerard happy. And after all that man has been through the very least he deserves is happiness and love. And he loves her, so I respect their relationship.

I’ve always had a very weird feeling about their relationship, however. Just the quick pace, and the events surrounding it. It just seems so calculated by her.

So Projekt Revolution starts, this is just post-Eliza breakup for Gerard. Yes, we all know she was also incredibly toxic. He was very possibly vulnerable, unsure what to do or where to go. And here comes up a woman who is ready to assist him through all of this.

We all know Gerard is highly emotional and empathetic, time after time in interviews he’s admitted it, other members of the bands have admitted it. Coming from someone with an EQ of 160 and an incredibly empathetic person as well, it’s easy to fall into the traps set up by other people. I’ve done it time and time again, but I’m still young and I know I can grow from those mistakes. So, he probably fell head over heels, not thinking too far in advance and thinking with his current emotions.

And what does she get in return? Gerard is an incredibly attractive man to begin with (I write fan fiction about him, lol, I would know) and MCR was practically on top of the world at that point. She’s a decently well known name in rock at that period, but marrying the cover of rock at that point would, well, boost you up quite a bit. Both as a musician, and in her art career.

I also want to truly mention the differences in the way they talk about one another. Basically every interview where Gerard talks about Lindsey he uses extremely strong and passionate language. When she talks about him, she does not. It almost seems bland, little to no emotion or tone. 

Not to mention as well the 2008 Fuse interview pre-Madison Square Garden show where Gerard mentions how she flew out to see him play his dream show. No offense, but in a marriage with someone who you will be spending the rest of your life with, isn’t being there to see them achieve their dream the lowest expectation? He made such a big deal out of her flying out, which tells me she made a big damn deal about it to him, which is incredibly unfair lowering the bar for yourself.

Her lack of emotion isn’t only with interviews regarding anything with Gerard. In general there’s almost no tone to her voice, she has little to no range. Her facial expressions don’t range, and her fan interactions seem less than emotional. I know various people have various ways of expressing themselves, but in general she seems to have a lot less expression within her voice, facial features, and actions than the average person.

And don’t get me started on her incredibly public, and incredibly immature meltdowns. I think it’s so important to mention that Gerard has never once defended her, which shows that he knows enough to conclude that she’s in the wrong in these situations. Especially with the whole opossum post making fun of Frank’s car accident in 2016, not cool.

In general she gives me such a weird, very off vibe. It’s hard for me to research her interviews, recorded through video or just printed and try to say that she seems like a caring, good, sound minded person. I really think something’s off, and I don’t want to accuse her of anything because I find that unfair, but my gut feeling since I joined the MCRmy almost four years has always been that she has her own intentions behind marrying Gerard, and it wasn’t just for love.

So Gerard fell victim to the forces of love. And to me, this seems more of a Pandora’s box situation. It seems in their early marriage he was incredibly happy, the happiest fans had ever seen him. In Danger Days he regresses back to his days of abusing substances, and I’m not saying by any means it’s due to her, but lots of people have commented on how he looks more miserable since then.

And I think now that he’s a father, it only adds an additional string of some sort of obligation he holds to her. We’ve seem him talk about Bandit, explain how she was the main reason he chose to come clean and eventually end the band after, once again, finding himself in another down turn of misery.

I just can’t help but think that when the timeline of some of his decline again matches up with their relationship, and no I don’t think it’s a coincidence.

And some fans may argue with me all they want, and accuse me of pushing a false narrative. But with how open Gerard has been with his character and how closed Lindsey has been aside from her public meltdowns, I can’t help but think there’s something off about the whole thing.

I’ve said it once, I’ll say it again: The entire relationship to me sounds like a fucked up 1800s gothic novel. Someone falls in love with someone else, and true love is a permanent glue: You can try to pry it off all you want, the stains remain forever.

However you guys feel about this I hope what I’m saying here won’t affect your perspective or view on my writing, since that’s my main forte. I’ve just been seeing more people bring this up again, especially after she blocked a fan on Twitter for calling her out for BLM (since MSI does have quite a few highly racist songs and lyrics) so I think it’s important to at least express my opinions, whether people agree with them or not.

[averykedavra]

joan - what do you wish the series would cover next, or what kind of turn would you want to see it take?

!! okay this is a really fun question. ‘cause i’ve thought about this a lot. timeline-wise, I only got really involved with the fandom around the release of ATHD, and ever since then i’ve really enjoyed imagining the “next” events of the series. sometimes theories, sometimes just AUs, but it’s always fun!

and see, there are tons of things i’d love to explore in the context of canon. like sides switching from light to dark, or a side shutting themselves off, or serious backstory elements like the formation of roman and remus. tons of stuff that’d be super cool to think about.

but they’re not stuff i’d actually want in canon necessarily, you know? and they’re mostly not stuff i’d ever expect canon to actually do. so here’s a little incomplete list of things i’d love to actually see in the series, and which I think are (semi)-plausible:

1. Roman’s arc. had to add this one. I’m pretty sure it’s coming up after PoF (and it better) and I am so, so excited. roman’s been a slow-boiling pot of emotional turmoil for a while now and I just wanna see it spill over!

and look. don’t get me wrong, i love the pintroverts so much, but—yeah, i really wanna see thomas and nico go through a rough patch. thomas, and by extension roman, are pinning so many expectations on nico. they’re emotionally unready and using nico like a way to redeem themselves and feel better, instead of confronting their own issues. not to say the relationship can’t work out, but i can figure there’ll be some bumps on the road.

and possible failure with nico would be a great catalyst for roman’s full breakdown. he’s got everything riding on this guy! he calls nico “a chance at happiness”! and he’s the romantic side, he wants this to work out, so thomas will trust him again. and if it fails, it’ll break roman into tiny, tiny pieces.

plus, i know the season finale is probably going to be a two-parter, like with virgil’s episode? and i don’t know if i actually want roman to duck out, but i am really excited for some parallels to virgil’s arc. acceptance instead of redemption, being more than your function, every side being valued, and virgil and roman continuing to become closer together. if i do not get a remix of “you make us better” but virgil to roman, i will riot /j

2. Logan’s arc. then following roman, our braincell boy! logan is another steaming pile of issues who’s been repressing for far too long. i want to see him admit he has feelings. i want to see him cry. maybe this is the angst demon in me, but come on, he deserves it.

an aspect of logan that’s really fascinating to me is his relation to thomas’ own self-image and needs. logan defines himself by his use to thomas—he has the least belief in himself as a separate entity. and he’s felt sidelined for a long time, possibly ever since thomas became a youtube.

i think it’d be super interesting to see more of how their dynamic was before thomas made the career switch, how logan feels about it, and how his “lack of feelings” is an extension of his refusal to acknowledge his own personhood. he doesn’t let himself want or feel—and he’s actually kinda similar to roman in that regard. roman and logan are narrative foils in a lot of ways. which would make it kinda cool if their arcs were somewhat consecutive—logan helps roman value himself, and roman returns the favor.

oh, and i’d love it if virgil and logan could come full circle, too? virgil comforts logan during the whole thing, maybe even talking to him about cognitive distortions or using techniques logan taught him to destress. they’re really good friends and i wanna see more of that.

3. Janus becoming part of the group. i have so many feelings about janus. he’s poised to join the gang and start helping thomas from the inside, but his acceptance is still conditional, fragile, and fragmented. roman loathes him, logan resents him, and virgil has a history with him. and janus is gonna have to try and get through all that.

i already love his dynamic with patton, i really want them to be friends. i think a logan and janus debate would be fucking fantastic. i am begging for roman and janus to talk things out. and i really, really want to see virgil and janus become friends again.

but maybe what i’m most interested in is janus himself, and his relationship to thomas. i still love interpreting the “is that fair to him” line as referencing janus’ complex and difficult role as the keeper of all lies. he’s still hiding an orange side from us, probably, and he’s trying to keep everything stable.

what happens if he slips up? what happens if he gets close to patton and starts having new priorities? how did that affect his relationship with virgil? i want to really explore janus’ character and motivations.

and also janus and remus content. give it. this is an order.

4. Remus. Literally anything remus. Please I’m starving, I just want to see my trash boy, when will he return from the war?

Seriously, though, I’d love more remus. his thoughts on nico. his motivation, his daily life, his relationship with janus and the other sides. i think he could really be great friends with all of them if he was given time to settle, and my intruality heart says he deserves to be chaotic besties with patton.

and! and his relationship with roman!! i really wanna see them grow closer and be bros, while working through the deep complexities of their issues with one another. because right now roman has so many projections of remus as his worst enemy and the epitome of everything he doesn’t wanna be, and remus just…doesn’t care about all that. that’s so interesting!!

remus is just such a refreshing character in so many ways. he’s so blunt and open and honest, he doesn’t hide or repress anything, and that’d be so much fun to explore! plop him in the middle of the other sides and see how long it takes for stuff to explode. i wanna see him break the status quo just because he can.

5. Patton’s arc. oh, you thought his character development was done? not even close. he learned a lot from moving on, but pof proved he still has a long way to go. and tbh I think he’s in a really precarious position right now.

yeah, he’s finally opening up to janus and the others. but he’s also very vulnerable, very unsure, and very ready to throw himself out of the picture if thomas needs him to. he asked if janus thought patton was just bad for thomas, and he seemed ready to take that advice and leave thomas be.

which is. concerning. and I think as patton learns to pull back and let thomas--and everyone--stand on their own without him smothering them, as he learns to have faith in others and not feel pressured to fix everything himself, he needs to work on his own self-worth, too.

patton, like a lot of the sides, is separating himself from his function. and that’s gonna be painful and messy and probably include a lot of backsliding. i wanna see him talk to the others, really talk to them, and get the support from his friends he needs! and that includes:

6. virgil continuing to support his friends. virgil has been doing great character-development-wise, but again, he has far to go! and what I want to see more of is stuff like FWSA. him beginning to truly support his friends in the way they’ve supported him.

his friendships with roman and logan are so sweet and I wanna see more of that. please. and I wanna see him bond with remus and janus again, and most of all, I want patton and virgil to really sit down and talk about stuff. they’ve been going through it for a while and I want them to talk.

the sad part, of course, is that post-pof they’re probably in an even worse place. there’s a reason patton didn’t show up in FWSA even when matters of the heart were involved. they’re on thin ice around each other, and throwing janus and roman into it will just make everything more complicated.

but I believe in them! they’re good friends, and I think if they try, they can work through it and learn more about each other.

7. bonding between the dark and light sides. basically already covered this one but guys. i want everyone to bond. i want logan and remus sharing cool facts. i want janus and virgil being snarky best friends. i want patton and remus teaming up to make stuff happen, and janus calling logan out on his repression, and virgil and remus listening to mcr and just. them, okay? them. glad we had this talk.

8. a breaking down of the dark sides and light sides altogether. i don’t necessarily mean anyone becomes a dark side (although it’s such a fun idea.) I mean really digging into the morality and formation of the “sides”, and eventually dismantling them.

the dark and light sides aren’t good and evil. they’re sides that thomas wants around, that are useful, and sides he doesn’t. and as janus becomes wanted at the table, and as patton and roman pull away and become less useful, it’ll be interesting to see how those dynamics shift.

the issue of identity is really at the heart of sanders sides. how much of you is you, and how much of it is what others want? are you beholden to others’ expectations, and how do you find personal worth? what defines you--by what measure is a man? how does a person change and grow? can they? or are they always, at the core, what they began as?

these questions obviously don’t have simple answers, but they’re stuff I wanna see talked about. i want to see the difficulty of even finding the line between selfishness and selflessness when you exist to serve another self. actions can be selfish and selfless all at once, a mass of contradictions that’s anything but black and white. and I wanna see more of that.

an idea I toy with sometimes is having a brief, or not so brief, reversal of dark sides and light sides. remus and janus, and maybe virgil, become more listened to. and roman, patton, and logan become the sides in the background. i dunno if it would actually happen, but I think it’d be interesting to consider--because once again, it’s about use versus value and wants versus needs.

if thomas wants a side, will they stick around? what about if he only wants to want them? what if he wants them as a friend but doesn’t need their function? what if they don’t think he wants them? what if any number of things?

i want to see discussion and deconstruction of the sides as a whole. i want to see them really dig deep into their purpose and formation. i want everything laid bare. and then finally, I want:

9. thomas ends the series by letting go of the sides. i am such a fucking sucker for bittersweet open endings like that. it wouldn’t be a full erasure of the sides, they’d still exist in the mind palace, probably hanging out and having movie nights and being a family. but they wouldn’t talk to thomas anymore.

i think it could be a really profound note about not only letting go of parts of your life and moving forward, but how c!thomas should work to stand on his own. yes, the sides are parts of him, but he’s more than the combination of their input. he’s his own person. he’s real. and I think he needs to work on being more self-reliant, in the moment, and start to discover his identity not in pieces, but as a whole.

the sides weren't bad for him. not in the slightest. they’ve helped him understand and come to terms with any number of things. but sometimes people grow and move forward, and they have to say goodbye to some parts of their life. that’s a fact. and with the ongoing theme of moving on and chasing the future, i think thomas would reasonably do that--end the series with a goodbye.

10. and...orange side. i’ve talked a lot about my ideas for the orange side, but suffice it to say, i’m looking forward to them. whoever they end up being.

so yeah, that’s a very long post about my ideas that isn’t half as long as it could be dhfgsjhs i’ve considered writing something like a canon divergence AU, or just rambling on tumblr, but for now that’s what I got. and this is all to say, hire me, sanders sides writing team /j

[staylavendertea]

young avengers characters and relationships as songs

billy kaplan : season of the witch by donovan and mr. sandman cover by joe p, it’s fun, there’s that groove, it’s witches and it’s dreams; a total billy kaplan jamming out in his room in his boyfriends too big shirt 10 at night moment with that magical and just like ,, witchy billy vibe i can’t explain through words that i love dearly, it also just gives me a connection between him and wanda i really love, the family witches between soul mother and soul son and that bass in mr sandman for some reason screams billy

teddy altman : space girl by frances forever need i say more, that song screams smiling golden tall boy theodore in overalls and sweaters, prince charming of space deserves the song space girl, the song is soft like teddy is, all hugs and kisses, that is until “stupid boyfriend putting himself into stupid danger all the stupid time” and “why do i try he never listens” “i heard that” “sure now he listens” then it becomes all hugs, kisses, bickering with the boyfriend, and threats of mauling people, but that’s for childrens crusade and family matters arc to tell

tommy shepherd : rebels by call me karizma but also steady, as she goes by the raconteurs mostly just for that guitar and music, i heavily head canon billy as the pianist and tommy as the guitar and bass player all the way and steady, as she goes screams tommy’s kind of music, the song rebels because that boy is the biggest rebel around and i wouldn’t be surprised if he was an arsonist

eli bradley : i just wanna shine by fitz and the tantrums i honestly had a bit of a hard time finding a song that really perfectly fit eli, but i think this one really hits the spot - eli is totally the boy that’s just trying his best and live up to his and everyone else’s expectations, i think he’s actually a softie and repressed nerd that believes heavily in doing what is right and i think that this song encompasses that, i really miss eli bradley thank you for coming to my tedtalk

cassie lang : blackbird by the beatles (cover by dodie) cassie gives me total adorable and soft but such a cool person dodie vibes, but i think the song blackbird fits cassie on so many levels, especially the lyrics as growing up after losing her dad, getting and learning to control her powers, and growing as a super hero she knows her dad would be so proud of, i love every single one of the young avengers but mygod cassie

nate richards : run boy run by woodkid and something better by hidinin i feel for nate, that poor kid literally is running away and trying to kill his future because he knows it’s a bad road and honestly he’s so brave for that and it’s all thanks to nate that we got all the young avengers in the first place so credit will be payed where credit is due, nate is really just a clumsy teenager thats a total nutcase and a bit clueless without that common sense sometimes that will think a pack sour troll gummies and a bottle of gateorade is a well rounded training diet but he’s also a descendent of sue and reed richards and what’s there to expect from child geniuses

kate bishop : love club by lorde and ribs by lorde i kinda just stumbled upon these honestly forgotten songs in my playlist and was pleasantly surprised how perfectly kate bishop these songs are, the lyrics most likely mean something else but i see the love club as the young avengers and “go get punched for the love club” just sounds like a kate bishop thing to say, these songs give me vibes of kate bishop in a rolled sleeves black and purple flannel and black jean shorts with scuffs and bandaids on her elbows and knees, probably also a developing black eye and bloody nose but lookin badass per usual

david alleyne : karma by ajr i picked this one for david because the second i heard it david was immediately the person i thought of when listening to it, i haven’t read many comics with david in them, i’m searching tho, but i am reading the current x factor and david just goes through a lot poor dude just wants to learn and help with what he can and i love him every moment for it

america chavez : a good song never dies by saint motel and dead girl in the pool by girl in red i honestly don’t know much about america besides some basic background stuff and some her character and personality since i haven’t been able to get my hands on some ya v2 issues besides what i’ve seen online but what i have seen of her i already love her and know she is so badass and a bit chaotic but in the best way possible from the little i do know about america’s character i think these songs just fits both the vibes of how she presents and holds herself but also her personality, america is a good song that just never dies are vibes i will happily live with

loki : run the world!!! by dayglow i haven’t really read much of loki in the comics, the versions of them i know the best being the actual norse myth god and movie loki and i know how the movies can be with their comic book characters, but from what ive heard about kid and teenager loki is that they’re a little punk and this song seems to just fit that perfectly

jonas : growing pains by coin i honestly didn’t know that there was more to jonas besides ya v1 and childrens crusade but now i’m intrigued, but this song just speaks jonas to me who i was also calling judas for like ten minutes without realizing i had a totally wrong name, but from what i read and his whole thing with cass, i think growing pains very much fits a mr. jonas

now for the relationships/ships - this post is so long i am so sorry for all the reading but i’m having fun -

david and tommy : affection by between friends im not even sure completely why but the music just screams david and tommy’s vibes, especially how tommy is usually head canonized in relationships, *chiefs kiss* of a song

nate and cassie and jonas : in the middle by dodie this song is literally the three of them, like perfectly, the lyrics fit to a t and it’s literal perfection for them

billy and teddy : pleaser by wallows for how much i love them i surprisingly had a hard time finding a song for them, i know at one time i heard and had a song that was perfect but i can’t remember it all, but i think pleaser fits just as nice, it fits their personalities and the music itself is the vibe they give off to me : imma make an edit from this post previously cause i’ve been thinking about and i would like to add the song leaves by joe p cause it just fits too well, especially when looking at billyteddy fan art whilst listening to it, it’s too good : HI THIS ANOTHER EDIT IMSORRY but it literally took weeks to remember but now i remember what the original song for them i had picked - electric love by borns - it also gives me billy lightning powers vibes and i do adore some billy lightning powers, i think it would be so cool to see them mixed in with his reality warping ones

eli and nate : talk too much by coin honestly it’s them, it’s a vibe they both argue and to each other, talk way too much, i’m calling it they kissed like at least once just to see how that would go - probably arguing who was the better boyfriend when they were both single

eli and kate : falling for u by peachy! and mxmtoon this song is very eli and kate for me, especially the beginning of their relationship not relationship, was that ever really established what was happening there ?? but this song fits perfectly amongst the bickering and racking numbers of how many times they’ve saved each other’s asses

kate and america : given it all by hayley kiyoko and midnight love by girl in red i love this ship and i have no idea if there was ever a thing happening between them or if it was pure fandom but it’s amazing and i love it, hayley kiyoko and girl in red is an of course and i think these songs speak them

- now just the young avengers as a group -

leaves by joe p a song that is totally just a hang out and drive all around all night as teenagers without a care in the world song and can totally see the gang jamming out to it

hey barbara by IV of spades this song literally speaks “hey did you watch that one beach episode” sunny and everyone vibing and hanging out, i can totally imagine tommy trying to get david to dance this and the attempts made is hilarious

teenagers and na na na by my chemical romance now last but certainly not least mcr because of course mcr, these kids can definitely be punks when they wanna be, especially when they’re mutant/alien/super hero teenagers that will literally do what they see fit, all in good manners of course

whhoooopp this was a lot longer than what i was initially expecting to make but after a few hours of song surfing and trying to make tumblr typing fonts work with me we’re finally here, this was just something fun for me since i associate music with everyone, but if you’ve read this far and wanna mention a song you think fits, totally put it out there, share the music !!

[mausi-shan]

I turned my Spotify 2020 playlist into lyric prompts

1.       “Show me a grey sky, a rainy cab ride Babes, don’t threaten me with a good time.” – London Boy, Taylor Swift

2.       “I’ve never been in love before, I don’t know what I’m doing I’ve never been too worldly in the ways of woman wooing I know how crazy lucky I am to love you.” – Get This Right, Jonathan Groff

3.       “Lights out, I found out my fallen star Goodbye, the sun rises and there’s no more you and I! Tell me how can you sleep? How can you breathe? Baby, tell me how, how you love me now?” - How You Love Me Now, Hey Monday

4.       “North is south, right is left when you’re gone I’m the one who sees you home but now I’m lost in the woods And I don’t know what path you are on” – Lost In The Woods, Jonathan Groff

5.       “Promise I’ve already learned my lesson, but right now I wanna be not okay” – You Don’t Know What It’s Like, Katelyn Tarver

6.       “This is falling in love in the cruellest way This is falling for you and you are worlds away” – Come Back… Be Here, Taylor Swift

7.       “From coast to coast I’ll make the most of every second that I’ve been given with this crowd Without a doubt, you’re all I dream about At night we lie awake with stories taking us back to the nights we felt alive” – Vegas, All Time Low

8.       “He doesn’t want to bang you Somebody hang you!” – Don’t Lose Ur Head, Six

9.       “I thought this time was different Why did I think he’d be different? But it’s never, ever different!” – All You Wanna Do, Six

10.   “If I said I want your body, would you hold it against me? Seven in the morning, wanna listen to Britney? Anything you want, baby, that’s okay with me now” – Sleeping In, All Time Low

11.   “My heart, my hips, my body, my love Trying to find a part of me that you didn’t touch Now I’m looking for signs in a haunted club.” – Death By A Thousand Cuts, Taylor Swift

12.   “And I don’t give a damn about my bad reputation Never said I wanted to improve my station” – Bad Reputation, Joan Jett

13.   “This distance tears me apart God, I need to see you So when the homesickness starts and you’re missing me too I’m gone too long, but when you’re here it’s worth it So just hold on” – Fall To Pieces, Junior

14.   “Lyrical smile, indigo eyes Hand on my thigh We can follow the sparks I’ll drive” – I Think He Knows, Taylor Swift

15.   “I’m a user and abuser so I don’t need no accuser To slap me down ‘cause I know you’re right” – When I Come Around, Green Day

16.   “He’ll never fall in love he swears, as he runs his fingers through his hair I’m laughing ‘cause I hope he’s wrong” – I’d Lie, Taylor Swift

17.   “I’ve been in love and lost my senses Spinning through the town” – I Wanna Dance With Somebody, Fall Out Boy  (Whitney Houston cover)

18.   “I’ve been first class, spent cash Been broke, no joke, nothing good ever lasts Been sued, been screwed, been chewed up Been loved, been lost but never used up This world’s not big enough for us You hate but you’re singing that chorus We’re kings you can’t ignore us” – Anti-Anthem, Sumo Cyco

19.   “She didn’t stutter, my chest flutters Cardiac attack in the cradle of the summer Superstitious, the kid’s vicious Bubblegum smile, taste the cherry on her lips” – Birthday, All Time Low

20.   “Got my heart out on the table And you didn’t walk away Love me if you’re able” – I Guess We’re Cool, Cassadee Pope

21.   “I can make the ground shake, Winds blow, Earth quake, Rain, snow Mountains, I can move mountains” – Move Mountains, Sumo Cyco

22.   “I wore the crown, I sold the lie I lived the life and paid for every crime.” – Some Kind Of Disaster, All Time Low

23.   “You can’t get under my skin But I get stuck in your head In case you didn’t notice, I’ve been living in it since I left” – With Or Without Me, Sainte

24.   “We’re bound to break And my hands are tied” – Rewrite The Stars, Zac Efron & Zendaya

25.   “Lovers dance when they feel in love Spotlight shining, it’s all about us” – All About Us, He Is We

26.   “A drowning will grasp at straws, a willing man drowns for a cause The blood will spill as cigars blaze and great white jaws will be your cage” – Sleep Tight, Sumo Cyco

27.   “Tell me that we’ll be just fine Tell me that you’re still mine Even when I lose my mind” – Afterglow, Taylor Swift

28.   “All this time, I never learned to read your mind (Never learned to read my mind) Never turned things around (You never turned things around) You never gave a warning sign (I gave so many signs. So many signs)” – exile, Taylor Swift & Bon Iver

29.   “What a shame, what a shame Beautiful scars on critical veins” – Kids In The Dark, All Time Low

30.   “Here we are, nearly strangers From two worlds that have rarely met But somehow you have made me someone new” – In A Place of Miracles, Hunchback of Notre Dame (but pheeble)

31.   “I give my hand to you with all my heart I can’t wait to live my life with you I can’t wait to start” – From This Moment, Shania Twain

32.   “I forgot that you Got out some popcorn as soon as my rep started going down Laughed on the schoolground as soon as I tripped and hit the ground And I would have stuck up for you Would’ve fought the whole town for you” – I Forgot That You Existed, Taylor Swift

33.   “The debt I owe, got to sell my soul ‘Cause I can’t say no No, I can’t say no Then my limbs all froze and my eyes won’t close ‘Cause I can’t say no No, I can’t say no” – Bury A Friend, Billie Eilish

34.   “Take a breath and let the rest come easy Never settle down ‘cause the cash flow leaves me always wanting more” – Dear Maria, Count Me In, All Time Low

35.   “I’m dizzy from jealousy And you’ve got something to lose But darling, don’t let that stop you” – Girlfriend, Best Ex

36.   “I’m your number one with a bullet A loaded God complex, cock it and pull it” – Sugar, We’re Goin’ Down, Fall Out Boy

37.   “When everyone believes you What’s that like?” – The Man, Taylor Swift

38.   “This is the last time I’m telling you this: Put my name at the top of your list” – The Last Time, Taylor Swift & Gary Lightbody

39.   “Do you have the time to listen to me whine?” – Basket Case, Green Day

40.   “Here comes the rain again, falling from the stars Drenched in my pain again, becoming who we are As my memory rests, but never forgets what I lost” – Wake Me Up When September Ends, Green Day

41.   “It takes a lot of courage to hold your own against the tide The wind is blowing, bar the doors, it wants to get inside It may seem hopeless, may seem like it’s the end In order to be broken, first it has to bend” – Run With The Giants, Sumo Cyco

42.   “No wonder your heart feels it’s flying, your head feels it’s spinning Each happy ending is a brand new beginning” – Ever Ever After, Carrie Underwood

43.   “There goes the maddest woman this town has ever seen She had a marvellous time ruining everything” – the last great american dynasty, Taylor Swift

44.   “Hey ho, let’s go Shoot ‘em in the back now What they want, I don’t know They’re all revved up and ready to go” – Blitzkreig Bop, The Ramones

45.   “You think I’m funny when I tell the punchline wrong Now every February, you’ll be my Valentine” – Teenage Dream, Katy Perry

46.   “If you want someone to save you, save yourself If you want someone to heal you, heal yourself If you want someone to save you, save yourself” – Free Yourself, Sumo Cyco

47.   “I wrote the gospel on giving up But the real bombshells have already sung” – This Ain’t A Scene, Fall Out Boy

48.   “I’m here on the kitchen floor You call, but I won’t hear it You said no one else How could you do this, babe?” – Babe, Sugarland & Taylor Swift

49.   “Sometimes I get the feeling she’s watching over me And other times, I feel like I should go When through it all, the rise and fall The bodies in the streets” – Welcome To The Black Parade, MCR

50.   “I knew you tried to change the ending Peter losing Wendy” – Cardigan, Taylor Swift

51.   “But she’s so rock and roll And out of my league Is she out of my league? I hope not” – Trouble, NeverShoutNever

52.   “Do you see my face in the neighbour’s lawn? Does she smile, or does she mouth fuck you forever?” – mad woman, Taylor Swift

53.   “Diamonds, pearls and rubies all swoon Can I offer you a little salt for that wound?” – Don’t Make Me, Malinda

54.   “The night we snuck into a yacht club party pretending to be a duchess and a prince” – Starlight, Taylor Swift

55.   “I know I said some bullshit on the phone I never leave well enough alone” – ME! , Taylor Swift & Brendon Urie

56.   “Give me therapy I’m a walking travesty, but I’m smiling at everything Therapy, you were never a friend to me And you can choke on your misery” – Therapy, All Time Low

57.   “And I scream: For whatever it’s worth, I love you Ain’t that the worst thing you ever heard? He looks up grinning like a devil” – Cruel Summer, Taylor Swift

58.   “Nobody tells me I need a rich man Doing my thing in my palace in Richmond” – Get Down, Six

59.   “We were something don’t you think so? Rose flowing with your chosen family” – the 1, Taylor Swift

60.   “And you call me up again just to break me like a promise So casually cruel in the name of being honest I’m a crumpled up piece of paper lying here ‘Cause I remember it all too well” - All Too Well, Taylor Swift

61.   “Run baby, run Don’t ever look back They’ll tear us apart if they’re given the chance” - Check Yes Juliet, We The Kings

62.   “Does he watch your favourite movies? Does he hold you when you cry? Does he let you tell him all your favourite parts, when you’ve seen it a hundred times? Does he sing to all your music while you dance to Purple Rain? Does he do all these things like we used to?” – Like We Used To, A Rocket To The Moon

63.   “There I go, so dishonestly Leave a note for you, my only one” - Only One, Yellowcard

64.   “Caution, police line, you better not cross! Is it the cop or am I the one who’s really dangerous?” – Warning, Green Day

65.   “You’re not quite Satan but I really think I hate you” – Both Sides of the Story, We Are The In Crowd

66.   “Will you kiss me on the porch in front of all your stupid friends? If you kiss me, will it be just like I dreamed it? Will it patch your broken wings?” – betty, Taylor Swift

67.   “Nicotine and faded dreams Baby there’s no one else like me” – Say You Like Me, We The Kings

68.   “That smile that made me believe But you were lying through your teeth” – Is She Better, Caitlin Hart

69.   “So every day now, you brace for the sounds you only heard on TV You go to class scared, wondering where the best hiding spot would be” – Only The Young, Taylor Swift

70.   “Soon I’ll have to go I’ll never see him grow But I hope my son will know My love is set in stone” – Heart Of Stone, Six

71.   “Been trying to cover this hear out on my sleeve Been set on playing this down but I think you’re catching onto me” – Lie A Little Better, Lucy Hale

72.   “I used to believe, in the days I was naïve That I’d live to see a day of justice dawn And though, I will die long before that moment comes I’ll die while believing still, it will come when I am gone” – Someday, Hunchback of Notre Dame

73.   “I close my eyes and all I see is you I close my eyes, I try to sleep I can’t forget you” – I’d Do Anything, Simple Plan

74.   “Welcome to a new kind of tension All across the idiot nation Everything isn’t meant to be okay” – American Idiot, Green Day

75.   “Somehow something gave you the nerve to touch my hand It’s nice to have a friend” – It’s Nice To Have a Friend, Taylor Swift

76.   “Stop fucking around with my emotions” – The Irony of Choking On a Lifesaver, All Time Low

77.   “If you can just explain a single thing I’ve done to cause you pain I’ll go” – No Way, Six

78.   “Don’t listen to the voices in your head Listen to your heart” – Listen To Your Heart, The Maine

79.   “If you wanna piss of your parents Date me to scare them Show them you’re all grown up” – 18, Annarbor

80.   “Remember when you broke your foot from jumping out the second floor?” – I’m Not Okay, MCR

81.   “Please leave me stranded It’s so romantic” – New Romantics, Taylor Swift

82.   “Not for us, we made a pact Death meet fear” – Love You Wrong, Sumo Cyco

83.   “Shade never made anybody less gay” – You Need To Calm Down, Taylor Swift

84.   “You push my love away like it’s some kind of loaded gun But you never thought I’d run” – Better Man, Little Big Town

85.   “You’re walking suicide You make me lose my heart and lose my mind” – Loose Cannon, Sumo Cyco

86.   “Every year when October comes around and it gets colder out I grab my favourite hoodie There’s still a hole from when you borrowed it You used to sleep in it ‘cause it reminded you of me” – Nostalgic, Simple Plan

87.   “I will be brave I will not let anything take away what’s standing in front of me” – A Thousand Years, Christina Perri

88.   “But I feel so alive with these phantoms of night And I know that this life isn’t safe but it’s wild and free” – Beautiful Ghosts, Taylor Swift

89.   “Went home and tried to stalk you on the internet Now I’ve read all of the books beside your bed” – Paper Rings, Taylor Swift

90.   “It’s nice to know we had it all Thanks for watching as I fall And letting me know we were done” – My Happy Ending, Avril Lavigne

91.   “And do you still think of me when I’m not there? Oh how could I still feel this way after all these years?” – Sleepy Kisses, Candy Hearts

92.   “Jaw breaker, you got the kiss that I wanna savour” – Candy Store, Faber Drive & Ish

93.   “As I walked out on the ledge Are you scared to death to live?” – Still Breathing, Green Day

94.   “Write me off, give up on me Darling, what did you expect? I’m just off, a lost cause, long shot Don’t even take this bet” – A Little Less Sixteen Candles, Fall Out Boy

95.   “Barefoot in the kitchen Sacred new beginnings that became my religion” – Cornelia Street, Taylor Swift

96.   “And I still talk to you When I’m screaming at the sky” – my tears ricochet, Taylor Swift

97.   “Now that I’m losing hope And there’s nothing else to show” – Pressure, Paramore

98.   “And if I open my heart to you Will you show me what to do?” – A Way Back Into Love, Hayley Bennet & Hugh Grant

99.   “Stopped running, started walking instead It was all in my head, nothing’s against me This war was more civil, I realised I had to secede from both sides” – Arrows, Fireworks

100.           “I like when you get mad I guess I’m pretty glad that you’re alone You say she’s scared of me? Well, I don’t see what she sees but maybe it’s ‘cause I’m wearing your cologne.” – Bad Guy, Billie Eilish

[puckrph]

MCR’S DANGER DAYS STARTERS

feel free to change pronouns, etc.

LOOK ALIVE, SUNSHINE

‘ look alive, sunshine! ’ ‘ we’re louder than god’s revolver and twice as shiny ’

NA NA NA (NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA)

‘ the future is bulletproof! ’ ‘ it’s time to do in now, and do it loud. ’ ‘ give me drugs  — i don’t need it, but i’ll sell what you’ve got. ’ ‘ hit the gas! ’ ‘ you’ll be my detonator. ’ ‘ give me love. ’ ‘ give me love —  i don’t need it, but i’ll take what i want from your heart and i’ll keep it in a bag, put an x on the floor. ’ ‘ i’ll take what i want from your heart. ’ ‘ give me more. ’ ‘ keep your apology. ’ ‘ kiss me, you animal. ’ ‘ you run the company and fuck like a kennedy ’ ‘ i think i’d rather be burning your information. ’ ‘ the little children raise their open, filthy palms like tiny daggers up to heaven. and all the juvie halls and the ritalin rats ask angels made from neon and fucking garbage, scream out “what will save us?” ’ ‘ everybody wants to change the world, but no one wants to die. ’ ‘ make no apology; it’s death or victory. ’ ‘ drop like a bullet shell, dress like a sleeper cell. ’ ‘ i’d rather go to hell than be in purgatory. ’ ‘ pull this pin, let this world explode. ’

BULLETPROOF HEART

‘ gravity don’t mean too much to me. ’ ‘ i’m who i’ve got to be. ’ ‘ these pigs are after me and after you. ’ ‘ we could run away from here. ’ ‘ i’ve got a bulletproof heart. ’ ‘ you’ve got a hollow-point smile. ’ ‘ let’s blow a hole in this town. ’ ‘ how can they say “could you come back home?” cause everyone knows i don’t ever want to come back. ’ ‘ let me be the one to save you. ’ ‘ stop your preaching right there, cause i really don’t care, and i’ll do it again. ’ ‘ get me out of my head. ’ ‘ though i know how much you hate this, are you going to be the one to save me from the black and hopeless feeling? ’ ‘ will you mean it when the end comes reeling? ’ ‘ i’m not going to be the one left standing. ’ ‘ you’re not going to be the one left standing. ’ ‘ we’re not going to be the ones left standing. ’ ‘ is this our destiny? ’

SING

‘ you’ve got to see what tomorrow brings. ’ ‘ you’ve got to be what tomorrow needs. ’ ‘ for every time that they want to count you out, use your voice every single time you open up your mouth. ’ ‘ sing it out for the ones that’ll hate your guts. ’ ‘ raise your voice every single time they try and shut your mouth. ’ ‘ buy yourself a motivation. ’ ‘ we’re generation nothing. ’

PLANETARY (GO!)

‘ there might be something outside your window, but you just never know. ’ ‘ if my velocity starts to make you sweat, then just don’t let go. ’ ‘ if heaven ain’t got a vacancy, then we just get up and go. ’ ‘ fame is now injectable. ’ ‘ please understand that i can’t slow down. ’ ‘ don’t fuck around. this is our last chance. ’ ‘ kill the party with me. ’ ‘ let’s never go home. ’ ‘ you’re unbelievable! you ruin everything. ’ ‘ let’s ruin everything. ’ ‘ my word is the beretta, the sound of my vendetta against the ones that planned it. ’ ‘ who do you trust? ’ ‘ i’ve got nothing to lose. ’ ‘ we’re leaving today and we’ll never go home. ’

THE ONLY HOPE FOR ME IS YOU

‘ remember me. ’ ‘ where will you stand when all the lights go out across these city streets? ’ ‘ can i be the only hope for you? cause you’re the only hope for me. ’ ‘ if we can’t find where we belong, we’ll have to make it on our own. ’ ‘ how would you be many years after the disasters that we’ve seen? ’

JET-STAR AND THE KOBRA KID / TRAFFIC REPORT

‘ bad news. ’ ‘ it’s time to hit the red line and up-thrust the volume. ’ ‘ keep your boots tight, keep your gun close, and die with your mask on if you have to. ’

PARTY POISON

‘ pay attention to me! ’ ‘ we’re going to shine tonight ’ ‘ ain’t a dj gonna save my soul. i sold it long ago for rock and roll. ’ ‘ this ain’t a party. ’ ‘ all the good times give you cancer. ’ ‘ if we were all like you in the end, we’d be killing ourselves by sleeping in. ’ ‘ keep your cars, and your dogs, and your famous friends. ’ ‘ ain’t nobody gonna take my life; ain’t nobody gonna get the best of me. ’ ‘ ain’t a preacher gonna save me now. ’

SAVE YOURSELF, I’LL HOLD THEM BACK

‘ i hope you’re ready for a firefight. ’ ‘ the devil’s got your number now. ’ ‘ they say we’re never leaving this place alive, but if you sing these words, we’ll never die. ’ ‘ get off the ledge and drop the knife. ’ ‘ this ain’t a room full of suicides, we’re believers, i believe tonight. ’ ‘ we can leave this world, leave it all behind. we can steal this car if your folks don’t mind. we can live forever if you’ve got the time. ’ ‘ i’ll tell you how the story ends, where the good guys die and the bad guys win. who cares? ’ ‘ this ain’t about all the friends you’ve made, but the graffiti they write on your grave. ’ ‘ who gives a damn if we lose the war? ’ ‘ i’m the only friend that makes you cry. ’ ‘ you’re a heart attack in black hair dye. ’ ‘ just save yourself, and i’ll hold them back. ’ ‘ can you save yourself? ’

S/C/A/R/E/C/R/O/W

‘ move your body when the sunlight dies. ’ ‘ make a wish when your childhood dies. ’ ‘ we’re all alone tonight. ’ ‘ i’ll keep you safe. ’ ‘ never mind about the shape i’m in. ’ ‘ love won’t stop this. ’

SUMMERTIME

‘ when the lights go out, will you take me with you, and carry all this broken bone? ’ ‘ if you stay, i would even wait all night, or until my heart explodes. ’ ‘ how long until we find our way in the dark and out of harm? ’ ‘ you can run away with me anytime you want. ’ ‘ you stop the noise. ’

DESTROYA

‘ don’t believe what they say; we’re dead flies in the summertime. ’ ‘ they don’t like who you are. ’ ‘ you won’t like where we’ll go. ’ ‘ protect me now. ’ ‘ you don’t believe in god, i don’t believe in luck. ’ ‘ they don’t believe in us. ’ ‘ if what you are is what you own, what have you become when they take from you almost everything? ’ ‘ show me what you’ve got. ’ ‘ we don’t hide and we don’t run. ’

THE KIDS FROM YESTERDAY

‘ this could be the last of all the rides we take, so hold on tight and don’t look back. ’ ‘ i don’t care about the message, or the rules they make. ’ ‘ i’ll find you when the sun goes black. ’ ‘ you only live forever in the lights you make. ’ ‘ you only hear the music when your heart begins to break. ’ ‘ we are the kids from yesterday. ’ ‘ they only care if you bleed. ’ ‘ does the television make you feel the pills you ate, or every person that you need to be? ’ ‘ here we are, and we won’t stop breathing. ’

GOODNITE, DR. DEATH

‘ the lights are out and the party’s over. ’ ‘ it’s time for me to start running. ’ ‘ you know that big ball of radiation we call the sun? well, it’ll burst you into flames if you stay in one place too long.’

VAMPIRE MONEY

‘ oh, i’m there, baby! ’ ‘ sing it like the kids that are mean to you. ’ ‘ the kids don’t care if you’re alright, honey. ’ ‘ pills don’t help. ’ ‘ you look like somebody i used to know. ’ ‘ oh wait, oh, i’m such an idiot, our music is way too loud. gonna have to turn it down a little, i’m sorry! ’

[mychemicalficrecs]

Any fics that are set during Bullets or maybe some where Gee does comics instead of MCR? Thanx for all the work you do to keep us sustained during quarantine lol!

You’re welcome, Nonny! I don’t keep track of what era a fic is set in in my bookmarks, so I had to rely on ao3 tagging to answer this. I’ll make a separate list for your second request!

Bullets Era

Demolition Brothers by SinnerInSaintsClothing, Gerard/Mikey, 3k, Explicit. "He always ended up here, Mikey thought to himself. He couldn’t remember a time when he didn’t wake up in Gerard’s bed." On tour, when high and drunk off their asses, the Way brothers always seem to end up with one another. A sick and twisted addiction to loving one another too much, and in all the wrong ways.

Like Nicotine by YourCoffinDoor, Gerard/Reader, 936 words, Not Rated. You get a light for your cigarette from Gerard after a show, and you get a little more than you asked for.

Hunting With Bullets by Oni216, 21k [WIP], Mature. Having a band is the perfect cover to fight evil that lurks in the dark. It provides distraction, a reason to live, and decent lyrics for no one to fully understand. And it takes its toll. It always takes a toll.

this deep puzzle moon by reclist, Frank/Gerard, 787 words, General Audiences. The house party is at its peak, Gerard lost sight of the chick that invited them over after the show. She might be getting it on with Mikey somewhere in the house, but Gerard would rather not think about it. He goes back to the living room in search of the other members, but he can’t find any of them, so he leaves heading to the backyard. There’s a body lying flat on the ground in the far back of the backyard, Gerard realizes it’s Frank when he gets close enough to recognize the Black Flag shirt he’s wearing.

Future Self by shadowhive, Ray/Ray, 859 words, Explicit. It was still so strange, seeing his face on another man. It wasn’t like looking into a mirror, with his reflection staring back at him, this man... this future version of himself, looked different.

Not That Kind of Post-Horror Movie Girl by gerardsjuarez, Frank/Gerard, 2k, Not Rated. During a tour in 2003, the band is holed up in a motel room that, more than likely, had seen more Motley Crue after-parties than actual people. To pass away the time before bed, the band ends up switching on the premiere of Ghost Adventures and some* take it more seriously than others*. *some: Gerard *others: anyone other than Gerard

Cyanoacrylate by grosss, Frank/Gerard, 3k, Explicit. "Yeah, well, I wasn't masturbating onstage, idiot." Gerard protests, running his tongue over his cracked lips. The problem is, Frank isn't wrong- Gerard likes to think he has a shred of dignity, a little bit of tact, but he does love to put on a show, and he'd probably jump into the Atlantic without clothes on in the dead of winter if Frank so much as looked at him the right way. "But you'd do it for me." It isn't a question, and Gerard just nods, suddenly hyper-aware of the knife again, clutched in Frank's hand next to his right ear.

on the shoulders of giants by Trojie, Ray/Gerard/Mikey, 1k, Explicit. 1. Gerard Way/Mikey Way/Ray Toro, Hair pulling

Third Time's The Charm by orphan_account, Frank/Gerard, 10k, Explicit. Frank wants to try something with Gerard and he only has a few more chances to do it ~or~ The one where Frank and Gerard have sex in the bands van ~or~ The one shot where Frank eventually snowballs with Gerard

We Toast to the Apocalypse by WizardGerard, Frank/Gerard, Frank/Jamia, 3k, Explicit. A fic about that one house party fight. You know the one.

The World Is Ugly by Frnk, rockforfrnk, Frank/Gerard, 16k, Mature. Gerard is adjusting to being a trans male on the road as they tour the Bullets album and he is super shy. Frank, on the other hand, is all about getting high and drunk between shows. What will happen when Gee and Frank hookup?

The Mess We've Made by ViciousVenin, Frank/Gerard, 122k, Explicit. Gerard isn't sure where his life is going. It feels like the world is shifting and changing around him and he's stuck in place, unable to move forward. But when he meets a guy at a club who tells him he's meant for something better, Gerard wants to believe him, and suddenly he's taking steps he never thought he would.

can't sleep tonight (as long as I still) by Trojie, Gerard/Mikey, 5k, Mature. Gerard is bad at asking for what he wants, or taking what he needs, or remembering what he took.

In Which Frank Is Shy by orphan_account, Frank/Gerard, 16k, Explicit. Bullets Era. "Of course, Frank knew he shouldn’t be too surprised, he’d felt that Gerard was big when they messed around in the van but that had been through layers of clothes so he’d just kind of underestimated how big it would actually be. He couldn’t help mentally comparing it to his own..."

Life on the Murder Scene by BattyJade, Gerard/Reader, 36k [WIP], Mature. Reader is an artist working for Brian Schechter, designing album covers, and reluctantly being trained to be an assistant manager. Then one day Brian introduces her to some members from a band called My Chemical Romance and he decides they're the perfect band for her to start with. Now, having convinced them to sign with Reprise she begins to work with them, even if Gerard can't seem to stop staring at her. Can both of them hold back their growing feelings as they're pushed closer together by the close quarters on tour?

Dig, If You Will, A Picture by geeraymes, Ray/Gerard, 2k, General Audiences. Prince, pizza, and kisses.

Soul Mark by HinaSohma, Frank/Gerard, 3k [WIP], Not Rated. Everyone is born with a soulmark, and Frank is itching to know what Gerard's is - after all, how can you not believe in soul mates?

Some Hearts Are Gallows (I'm Not Here For Hanging Around) by blindlyseeking (orphan_account), Frank/Gerard, 24k, Mature. My Chemical Romance. The name even had that vibe to it: we’re going to conquer the motherfucking universe. It was like The Beatles or Bikini Kill. It was a name that pinned you against a wall and said, “You better remember me.” And she is a part of it. Gina, Michelle, Rae, Maddy, and Frankie are just getting their new band off the ground. The girls are leaving Jersey for the first time on tour. But Frankie has been head over heels for Gina since day one and in a blur of autumn, Polaroids, house parties, whiskey sours, car rides, and cassette tapes 2002 becomes the year that change everything.

Back Seat by orphan_account, Frank/Gerard, 2k, Mature. The van was small enough as it were. It felt even more claustrophobic when Frank and Gerard were up to no good on the back seat. No time to give them any privacy. My Chemical Romance was on a tight schedule to get from A to B, and so they just had to try and ignore what they were doing.

When You're Too In Love To Let It Go by frerardestiel, Frank/Gerard, 9k, Explicit. Traveling the States with his band is probably the best thing Frank ever experienced. Not that with Pencey wasn't good, because it was, just - the dudes in My Chem are his family and this band means more to him than everything else in the world. The only thing that sometimes keeps him awake at night and makes him want to drown into a bottle of beer (or two, or three) is that maybe he feels something else for one of his bandmates. He doesn't think he really wants to be Gerard's brother.

[perculesspleen]

First impressions and things I love about Gerard Way's album Hesitant Alien

Okay, so I listened to the first 5 soon before I started typing this, but the rest are being listened to as I type this. Also, I know nothing about music, so my attempts at explaining the parts I love might be weird. (I say the words cool and great a lot because I apparently know a total of 4 adjectives)

The Bureau

First Impression: a rockin' bop, great start to the album

- This is a song I would listen to while getting dressed and ready to kill someone and look really hot while doing it, which is a great way to start an album.

- I can feel the strong beat and the rhythm in the words and it just makes it feel so much more forceful and I love that

- The "everybody's getting on" and then he yells "and so am I!" is just great

- I just love the contrast between the verse and the chorus with the chorus having much more melody, but still being pretty shouty

- The telephone noise or whatever it is at the end? Great

Action Cat

First Impression: It sounds like a post-break up song, but I still like it a lot!

- I'm always a sucker for intros that are just one guitar

- "don't ask a lot and you won't lose a lot" nice

- I like the way the words 'sleep', 'break', and 'make' are like, wavy?

- the emotion in "say I miss you too"? Beautiful.

- I love how it fades and you think it's the end of the song and then he goes "Hey!" and it starts back up with the "do you miss me?"

No Shows

First Impression: Honestly, the name made me think of the type of sock when I first read it. I was bopping my head while listening to this without realizing! It makes me want to dance and sing along, even though I don't know the words yet

- the 'Ooh's at the beginning are really pretty

- I love how certain words just show up a bunch, like 'treble' and 'metal', I find it kinda poetic, I guess

- after the third verse when he stops singing and there's the key change or whatever it is? Transcendent.

- I just love the guitar solo and the drums right after it

- Also, the distortion on his voice right after that? Amazing. I love it.

- the line "It's not love if it's just fucking" makes me laugh every time, for some reason. I just have to smile, I don't know why I find it so funny

- And after that when the guitar makes the screeching noise, I don't know what that's called, but I love it when guitar players do that

- Right before the singing starts again at the end he does this "a a a a ah oh oh!" kind of thing and he does it a couple more times and it's very fun to hear

- I can't tell what he's saying in the background at the end, but I like how it sounds with everything

Brother

First Impression: Okay, so I heard this for the first time a week or two ago, but my first reaction to hearing it was to start crying. It gives me this feeling of yearning and melancholy and I was listening to it on repeat for days when I first heard it.

- This song is super emotional, and I can't listen to it and sing along without crying

- Lyrics are the main thing I focus on first in a song, and I relate to and connect with the lyrics in this song so much

- I like the voices in the background at the beginning. I don't know why, but I just like when music does stuff like that.

- I really relate to "Cause I'm awake / all night long" and "I won't sleep tonight / as long as I still / hear the drums of the city rain" and lines like that because of my insomnia

- You can just hear the emotion in his voice and it kills me

- The chorus is just so beautiful

- "Does anyone have the guts to shut me up?" is another relatable and emotional line to me. There's just so many lyrics in this song that mean a lot to me.

- "there's a chance we can walk away / so hold on tight / because I won't / wait too long" just gives me hope but also explains how I want to get out of here, soon

- "Can you take me home?" just, emotional, and aaaa

- the instruments right after the "when we leave alone" are so pretty

- the whole "like strangers laugh" part at the end is so beautiful to me

- the way it changes from 'sleep' to 'breathe' in the very last lines is just, wow, there goes what was left of my heart

Millions

First Impressions: Really fun and happy sounding, I would dance around the kitchen to this. I heard this and immediately had to put it on loop and listen to it 5 more times.

- Okay, but some of the lyrics are actually really sad?

- This song has me dancing and smiling but I'm also crying about the lyrics

- "AAaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaahh" Need I say more?

- "You can use my friends" vs the "you can't touch my brother and you can't keep my friends" in Honey, This Mirror is a cool parallel

- the little shout right after "a million reasons but I need a million more"

- ^ that's a good line, btw, I like it

- "you believe in love, I believe in faith" vs the "they don't believe in God, we don't believe in luck" from Destroya is really cute because it feels like progress or improvement or something

- Mikey yelling "It was really me!" and then Gerard yelling "It was really you!" makes me smile so much. Like, I smile so huge it almost hurts and I can't help it, it's just such a cute part and I love it so so much and could go on about it for hours, I just, aaaaaa

- the chorus has me dancing, it's just so pretty and fun but also kinda sad

- this one is my favorite so far

Zero Zero

First Impression: funky and awesome!! Super cool! I don't know how to explain this one but I really like it

- Dude, this intro is wack (in a good way!)

- It does the screechy guitar thing I love!

- I'm a sucker for singing with distortion, it's just got such a cool sound

- the guitar during the second verse? Absolutely awesome.

- the line "give me social disease and give me teenage razors" is just, wow,

- and how he sings it like "RAY-zersss"

- it changes from "you are zero" to "I am zero" at the end and, Woah

- the "oh oh oh" in the back ground during that is really cool, too

Juarez

First Impressions: It's really weird at some parts and I'm a fan of that. Most of my friends don't really like my music and would definitely hate this one, but I really like it!

- there's some weird noise 3 seconds in that I can't explain but it's fun!

- I didn't know what to expect for singing, but this surprised me, I really like how his voice sounds in this

- "sing death to the crown, man" is a cool line

- the part right after that sounds really alien-like, it's pretty sweet

- I just really love the singing/shouting in this one

- the ending is super cool, too

Drugstore Perfume

First Impression: a lot softer and calmer than the other songs, it's more of a sway than a head bop. It's really pretty

- some of the songs, like Zero Zero and Juarez feel like they're rushing, but this one is calm and takes its time. I could fall asleep to this

- a tambourine? Effervescent.

- "her dreams don't show in color" is a really pretty line

- the words to this really tell a story and I love that

- the whole "gone today" part just takes my breath away

- I really love the drums in this with the bass drum at the end

- the ending is really neat

How It's Going To Be

First Impressions: It sounds hopeful and also kinda like something I would hear in a musical. I get the feeling that when I pay close attention to the lyrics it'll be sad, but the rest of it sounds hopeful

- the little drum thing after "smoke rings fit the crime"

- "I'll keep the souvenir inside, it's just better in my mind" is such a pretty but sad line

- I was right, this song is actually sad when I look at the lyrics

- "someone who hates to see me go" Oh, I'm crying now?

- "you said we'd all be dead by twenty-five" really hits me because I really can't see me living past that and I've already said that I want to die before I'm thirty

- "We're just bored you're still alive" there are so many good lyrics in this, I'm gonna be listening to this a lot to really focus in on all of them

- the ending is so pretty

Maya the Psychic

First Impression: I've heard of this song but haven't actually heard it before! It's really fun and pretty, another one I would jump around the kitchen singing. Also, it makes me think of my friend @mayograce

- I just really like this!

- the two drumbeats right before the chorus

- this one seems to tell a story, too, which I always love

- the bridge? So cool and so pretty?

- "I know you've had choices to make / but I'm with you / you're never facing them alone today" is so nice and I just love these lines so much

- the ending is really cool and sounds kind of like there's whispering, which really fits with the rest of the song

Television All The Time

First Impression: It feels different from his other songs in the beginning and then comes back to sounding like his other calmer songs. It has a really nice chorus

- I like the way he sings "who you are"

- like I said, the intro sounds kinda different, but then after the first stanza the guitar joins and his voice sounds slightly distorted and it's a cool effect

- the pause before he says 'today'

- his voice is kinda swoop-y, I can't think of the right word, but it's relaxing and I love how it sounds

- the way "cuz I think I'm sick of it now" sounds is awesome

- it just sort of trails off at the end, but I love songs that end leaving you wanting more

Don't Try

First Impression: I had a feeling this one would make me cry, and I was right. He sounds a lot like he did in MCR. Like, most of his solo stuff feels a lot different than MCR did, but this one is really feeling similar, to me.

- This start? Amazing. It kinda spooked me at first, but I'm liking it

- The lyrics are really cool

- "I think you're beautiful too" is when I first realized this song will make me cry

- "Come down, give up, cause it's alright" is when I started crying. It's really comforting. Being told that giving up is alright isn't heard often. This line makes me think of Fake Your Death ("I choose defeat, I walk away") which is another song I love

- "cause you always look mad when you're dreaming" really hits me for the 2 ways I can interpret this line. The first is how when I space out (and dream about getting away) I focus and it makes me look mad. The other is that I look mad because I hate where I'm at and that I have to wait to go out and chase my goals.

- his voice has so much emotion in it, it's amazing

- "I'm kind of miserable, too" is another line I love. It's great when someone you look up to (and obsess over sometimes, lol) understands what things are like. It makes you feel less alone.

- the entire chorus is just so pretty and makes me so emotional

- the ending is super pretty, too

PINKISH

First Impression: Woah. I don't really have any other words, but I really like this one, it's a good finale for an album.

- the first few seconds sound like a thunderstorm when you're inside

- I love the sudden yelling, I really like loud music like that

- and then the next part with the "Now I could have been" sounds so pretty, and the guitar is doing almost the same thing as his voice and then there's the background vocals and I really love it

- it shifts back and forth between the sorta screamo and the sorta clearer, more lyrical part again and it's so cool

- and then gets even clearer and calmer and more melodic it sounds like something I could fall asleep to? Beauty

- then the loud guitar comes back in until the end and it's just great

- definitely a good ending to the album

I loved this album so so much! I'm probably going to listen to it on repeat for the next few days...

My favorite song is a tie between Millions and Don't Try

But yeah, that's my view on the whole album!

[basic-cable]

Fic Rec Bingo

I saw this making the rounds on Twitter and decided I’d like to try it (mostly because I enjoy going back through my list and reminiscing about the ones I love but haven’t read in a while), but didn’t feel like Twitter was the best place to post mine. I’ve got both Dreamwidth and Pillowfort, but I haven’t really used them. This is probably the kind of thing that should go there, so maybe I’ll post it there, too. We’ll see. 

Anyway, I only read in four fandoms, so maybe my recs will be boring to most people. But they’re good stories, and maybe there are even some people out there who haven’t read them. 

I don’t expect any reblogs or anything, but maybe people will see it and decide they’d like to take part, and then there will be more fic recs out there making the world a better place.

I put them under a cut because the descriptions and stuff take up so much space.

1. A fic you love without knowing the source material Take the Pieces and Build them Skywards by quarterturn Bandom ** Frank/Gerard ** 44,816 ** Explicit ** Character Death Gerard's not happy with his life, but that doesn't mean he's particularly thrilled when he wakes up dead. To add insult to injury, he finds out that instead of crossing over, he's been chosen to join the ranks of the grim reapers. Things get more complicated when he falls for one of the living, a waiter named Frank Iero. And just when everything finally seems to be falling into place, Frank's name shows up on the list of souls to be reaped. Loosely based on the TV show Dead Like Me.

I don’t know anything about the TV show Dead Like Me; when I first read this fic in 2009, I had never even heard of it. I’ve wondered since then if I like it even better because I don’t know anything about the source material, but I’ll never know.It made me laugh and cry; it’s an emotional roller coaster, and I love it.

2. A fic with a premise that shouldn’t work but does

An Inexplicable Occurrence of Angels by stele3

Bandom ** Frank/Gerard ** 35,192 ** PG-13 ** No Warnings

I've messed with the band timeline, clearly. This is set in summer of 2005... but it ain't the Summer of Like. This is a story about second chances and gutting through your own failures, but never letting them defeat you. Take that, bitches.

Frank (Frank!) is a literal angel, okay, but there is not a thing I don’t love about this story. It’s angsty but still manages to be cute and charming as fuck, and the characterization is great.

3. A fic you’ve reread several times

Seeds by thesardine

Sherlock ** Gen, supposedly ** 5,475 ** PG-13 ** No Warnings

In a fit of boredom Sherlock plants some seeds, may or may not eat one cracker, and definitely waxes dramatic on the sofa for a while.

Sherlock struggles with a bit of depression caused by boredom, and accidentally discovers a hobby he slowly learns to allow himself to enjoy. I love this a lot; the author takes us into Sherlock’s headspace, so you’re painfully aware just how much he needs a distraction, and how much better off he is with John in his life.

4. A fic you still remember many years later

In Care Of by Fangs_Fawn

Harry Potter ** Gen ** 45,319 ** PG-13 ** Child Abuse

During the summer before sixth year, Harry finds an injured bat in the garden and decides to try to heal it...and an unwilling Snape learns just what kind of a person Harry Potter really is.

Between the Dursleys getting what’s coming to them, and the redemption of Harry, Snape, and Dumbledore in each others’ eyes, this story has really stuck with me through the years.

5. A comfort fic

Nature and Nurture by earlgreytea68

Sherlock ** Sherlock/John ** 203,273 ** Mature ** No Warnings

The British Government accidentally clones Sherlock Holmes. Which brings a baby to 221B Baker Street.

Thousands of words of fluff. Literally. There’s not a lot of conflict in this story, which makes it a great comfort fic when your mind is too busy or real life is too depressing.

6. A cathartic fic

The Quiet Man by ivyblossom

Sherlock ** Sherlock/John ** 157,369 ** Explicit ** No Warnings

"Do you just carry on talking when I'm away?"

Post-Reichenbach John is walking the line between fantasy and reality, choosing to stay with the Sherlock in his head rather than deal with the reality where he no longer exists. He eventually manages to attempt a normal life, but he’s bored and basically sleepwalking through his days, so when Sherlock finally reveals himself, it’s the best kind of relief. They go after the last remnants of Moriarty’s web, in hopes of a second chance at the life they should have had together.

7. A fic you’d print and put on your bookshelf

Saving Sherlock Holmes by earlgreytea68

Sherlock ** Sherlock/John Mycroft/Greg ** 139,494 ** Mature ** Underage

Okay. So. This was literally supposed to be, like, three or four chapters as a prologue to the show. Sort of a "what happened in the Holmes childhoods to make them the way they are today." That's why it's set in the time period it is, because I thought I was eventually going to leave them to go on to the show. And then...I got a bit carried away and thought, Here I have established the two young Holmes boys. Now what happens if, instead of making them wait twenty years, I give them everything they need to fix themselves right now? Forty-three chapters later, you have this story.

To be honest, I would like to have most of my favorite fics in book form, with actual pages, that I could pluck from my actual shelf and sit and read without the glare of a screen between us. But I do enjoy the feel of this story, and I do believe it would make a good actual book.

8. A fic you associate with a song

Unholyverse by bexless

Bandom ** Frank/Gerard ** 186,764 ** Explicit ** Violence & Character Death

“He thinks I have stigmata,” Frank said, because what the fucking hell, it couldn’t get any worse. He might as well just lay it out.

“Oh, well,” said Brian into his hands. “Of course.”

Every time I so much as think about this series, MCR’s Heaven Help Us starts playing in my head.

9. A fic that inspires you

Turn by Saras_Girl

Harry Potter ** Harry/Draco ** 306,708 ** Explicit ** No Warnings

One good turn always deserves another. Apparently.

Frankly, I love every single thing this author has ever churned out, but this one is my very favorite. Harry gets a glimpse into what his life could have been, and a chance to make big changes he desperately needs. 

10. A fic that brought you on board a new ship

So, So Fucked by Anonymous

Bandom ** Pete/Patrick ** 12,565 ** Mature ** No Warnings

Pete accidentally "outs" himself and Patrick on Good Morning America. Only problem? They're not gay. What now?

I was reading strictly in Harry Potter at the time, and wasn’t interested in bandom at all, but my best friend was doing betas for someone who was writing in bandom, and she ended up getting into it and then wrote this one, and kept calling me about it to bounce ideas around, and the story was so cute, and Pete and Patrick were so cute, and I suddenly found myself totally invested. Honestly I think it may have been one of the best things that ever happened to me.

11. A fic you wish could be a movie

The Anatomy of a Fall by novembersmith

Bandom ** Frank/Gerard ** 107,525 ** Explicit ** Violence & Character Death

The unholy union of a high school AU and a ghost story. Gerard's life takes a strange turn when his family moves to a small town in Vermont and he discovers the locals aren't all what they seem to be. Also includes: unexpected nature walks, murder, pining, improper treatment of crime scenes, a number of bone-related puns, high school bullies, and a short-range shrub named Ferdinand.

This story has excellent imagery that I think would work really well on the big screen. Plus I can’t even hear the name of it without my heart doing flip-flops.

12. A fic that led to you making friends with the author

Seven ficlets for Valentine’s Day Part VII by RedOrchid

Bandom ** GSF ** 1,042 ** Mature? ** No Warnings

Panic-as-cleaning-equipment-AU Valentine's Day GSF.

I technically don’t have a fic for this bingo square, but this one comes close, I guess. The author was already in my larger circle of friends, but we didn’t actually talk to each other? She wrote this crack ficlet around the same time we started talking to each other more, and I still vividly remember it because of the genius involved in turning band boys into literal cleaning equipment. The line “Ryan bristled” has stuck with me to this day.

13. free space

Elf ‘Verse by mokuyoubi

Bandom ** GSF ** 103,247 ** Explicit ** Underage

Modern AU where Ryan is a famous poet, and he and Spencer are fiercely private and insular and stupidly co-dependent until Jon shows up and effortlessly breaks down all their walls.

Or

Wherein Brendon and Frank are Christmas elves who, inspired by Will Farrell movies, venture into the real world to become rock stars. Or something of that nature.

I’ve got a lot of love for this universe for various reasons, but it’s also fun and heartwarming and honestly, I don’t really need anything else.

14. A fic you’ve gushed about irl

Harry Potter and the Battle of Wills by Jocelyn (and her mum)

Harry Potter ** Mostly Gen ** 137,385 ** Basically PG-13 ** Character Death

Harry mourns his godfather as the war finally begins in earnest, bringing tragedy and new struggles for all those on the side of Good. If they hope to win, all quarrels must be set aside, new alliances must be forged, and Harry Potter must find the courage to face down dark wizards, his own emotions, and a destiny he did not choose. Snape blows his cover as a spy to save Harry from Voldemort.

This begins after Order of the Phoenix, and the story and characters read more like canon than any other HP fic I’ve read, so because of that and because it’s so, so good, I like to rec this one to people who are new to fandom.

15. A fic you associate with a place

Stately Homes of Wiltshire by waspabi

Harry Potter ** Harry/Draco ** 57,582 ** Explicit ** No Warnings

Malfoy Manor has mould, dry rot and an infestation of unusually historical poltergeists. Harry Potter is on the case.

Wiltshire! I’ve never actually been there, but this author is really good about details. The story is also lovely and funny.

16. A fic that made you gasp out loud

Home is a Name by Arsenic

Bandom ** Frank/Gerard ** 39,314 ** Explicit ** No Warnings

MCR Clinic of Love. Companion fic to Wednesday Night Boys.

Okay, so this one is actually a sequel, and the first installment, Wednesday Night Boys, should 100% be read first. It must be said, though, that while the sequel doesn’t have any warnings, Wednesday Night Boys is about the Panic! kids as prostitutes, and has warnings for graphic violence, rape/non-con, and underage sex. The MCR guys work at the free clinic, and Home is a Name focuses on them. They’re honestly both gorgeous stories.

17. A fic you found at the right time

real or not real by thearkdelinquents

Anne with an E ** Anne/Gilbert ** 11,587 ** PG ** No Warnings

“I could do it.” Gilbert said, looking straight ahead.

Anne stopped. “What?”

He turned to look at her; they were just outside Green Gables now. “I could do it. I could court you.”

“What- We- You- I- You don’t like me like that.” Anne sputtered.

Gilbert smirked at her. “Well we could pretend. I could court you and be your fake boyfriend.”

For one of the few times in her life, Anne Shirley-Cuthbert was speechless.

-

a fake dating fic but it's basically just a shirbert To All The Boys I Loved Before au.

I really, really loved Anne with an E. When the final season was released, I spent a weekend binge-watching the entire show, and then it was over and I was bereft, so I decided to see what was available on Ao3, and I found this, and it was exactly what I needed. And now I have another fandom.

18. A fic that you would read fic of

Left by lifeonmars

Sherlock ** Sherlock/John ** 45,153 ** Mature ** No Warnings

John Watson is left-handed.

He’s tried not to let it affect his life, but as any Lefty knows, that’s almost impossible.

In this universe, all right-handed people have some kind of power, or ‘knack’, most of which are mild and easily categorized. Sherlock’s is rare and believed to be the only one like it in the world. John is left-handed, part of the 10% of the population without a knack. I would read all kinds of fics of this fic.

19. A fic that made you laugh out loud

What to do When Your Flatmate is Homicidal by hyacinth_sky747

Sherlock ** Sherlock/John ** 58,650 ** Explicit ** No Warnings

Sherlock takes Molly's advice when dealing with his dangerous flatmate.

Heartwarming and hilarious. I laughed a lot.

20. A fic with a line (or two) that you’ve memorised by heart

A Necessary Requirement by Bexless

Bandom ** Frank/Gerard ** 3,759 ** Mature ** No Warnings

Right, here is the extremely silly storylet I wrote BY HAND on holiday. On PAPER. With a PEN. My god. The things I do when I'm separated from my beloved net. It is set during the Summer of Like (Warped '05, for those of you who don't know) and is basically a product of my reaction to various pictures of Gerard groping himself on stage, which led to me obsessing about his dick and what it might look like. As usual, I chose to work this obsession out through Frank.

This fic could have gone to multiple other squares, but I am not usually the kind of person who can quote lines from things, and I have many lines from this story committed to memory. I’ve read it multiple times, because I read it every time I need a pick-me-up or a good laugh. Or if I’ve read something scary and I need something lighter before I can actually get up and move around my house...

21. A fic that gave you butterflies

Pretty Much A Sex God by adellyna

Bandom ** Spencer/Jon ** 3,985 ** PG-13 ** No Warnings

Jon and Spencer’s first date.

The Jon in this story is so soft and warm and fluffy and his character makes my heart and stomach do weird things.

22. A fic that embodies something you value in life

A Marauder’s Plan by CatsAreCool (Rachel500)

Harry Potter ** Harry/Hermione ** 865,520 ** PG13 ** Violence/Death/Underage

What if Sirius decided to stay in England and deliver on his promise to raise Harry instead of hiding somewhere sunny? Changes abound with that one decision...

ALSO

Harry’s New Home by kbinnz

Harry Potter ** Gen ** 318,389 ** PG-13 ** Abuse

One lonely little boy. One snarky, grumpy git. When the safety of one was entrusted to the other, everyone knew this was not going to turn out well... Or was it? AU, sequel to "Harry's First Detention". 

In these two stories, Sirius and Severus throw everything they have into creating the best possible world for Harry, as he is their number one priority, because that is exactly how parenthood should be. 

23. A favourite AU

Performance In a Leading Role by Mad_Lori

Sherlock ** Sherlock/John ** 156,714 ** Explicit ** No Warnings

Sherlock Holmes is an Oscar winner in the midst of a career slump. John Watson is an Everyman actor trapped in the rom-com ghetto. When they are cast as a gay couple in a new independent drama, will they surprise each other? Will their on-screen romance make its way into the real world?

This has got quite a bit of schmoop, which isn’t usually my thing, but this story is so, so good, and I always love stories that describe Sherlock realizing and appreciating how extraordinary John is.

24. A fic you stayed up too late to finish reading

Collared by VelvetMace

Sherlock ** Sherlock/John ** 83,028 ** Explicit ** Violence & Rape/Non-Con

In a world where the British Empire is still strong and slavery is her economic backbone, John has become a terrorist for the abolitionist movement. He is caught by Mycroft, enslaved, and given to Sherlock for training. The goal: To test a new kind of slave collar with the power to break even the strongest willed fighter. One that will make even John learn to love being a slave.

Dubious consent, and humiliation. I remember staying up very late reading this one, even though I had to work early the next morning. I just couldn’t put it down. 

25. A fic that made you feel seen

Buy Handmade by jjtaylor

Bandom ** Frank/Gerard ** 18,755 ** Mature ** No Warnings

He knows something else is going to happen; his life isn't always going to be this. He just doesn't know what has to happen for that change to come, for him to wake up and become an artist with an Etsy page and a home studio, and to never have to see a cubicle again.

This is the story of my heart. I have felt Frankie’s feelings and thought his thoughts, and I love that he does something about it, and I love Gerard so, so much. I first read this in 2009, and my love for it has never wavered. I could have used this one for a good half of the bingo squares, but it’s the only one that could go here.

[lovemesomesurveys]

Have you ever done a craft that you found on Pinterest? I did dabble with some water painting a few years ago during Christmastime, actually. I made a few different Christmas poster things inspired by ones I saw on there. Like, they had different Christmasy quotes or song lyrics and some had pictures of Christmas trees or something. Do you get scrapbooking layout ideas from anywhere? I don’t do scrapbooking. What do you do to wipe off the dust from ordinary life? I’m always cleaning under the keys on my laptop. Are you content with mystery, or do you wish you knew everything? Uhh. I wouldn’t want to know everything. I like continuing to learn and discover new things. There’s also things I never want to know. I also like mystery in the sense of surprises. Like, I hate spoilers and I don’t want to know what any presents are before I open them.  What do you do when someone irritates you on Facebook? If I see an annoying or stupid post I just keep scrolling.

Do you think your hair looks better natural or dyed? I think it looks much better dyed red.  Do your parents disrespect you? My parents are respectful, pretty chill people. I mean, we get in disagreements and bicker sometimes, who doesn’t, but I wouldn’t say they disrespect me. Have you found that love covers over a multitude of sins? I mean, you can love someone but that doesn’t excuse their toxic, bad behaviors. It doesn’t mean people can treat you or others cruelly just because you love them. What was the last Grand Opening you went to? Hm. I don’t know if I’ve ever been to a grand opening. Not that I can think of at the moment. Do you have anything coming up tomorrow? Nope. What’s one thing that makes your stomach hurt? I’m lactose intolerant, so having dairy will definitely do that. Otherwise, I just have stomach issues and get stomachaches and pains for whatever reason. Ever had a living nightmare? These past few years in particular. Do you have a lot of haters? Ha. I’m so irrelevant. I’m sure I’m not even on anyone’s radar for them to feel that strongly about me. Outside of my family, I feel people are indifferent to me. I don’t make a big impression. 

Do you think successful people always come with a pack of haters? Yes. There are people who can’t stand to see successful, happy people. They want to try and tear them down. There’s also just a lot of trolls who think it’s fun to hate on people. Do you have supernatural abilities? Uh, no. Do you kick yourself when you make mistakes? Do you say, “I wish I would have” a lot? All the damn time. There’s so much I wish I did and didn’t do and I’m always kicking myself so to speak for it.  Are you doing the most you can with your life? Not even. I’ve completely let these past few years pass me by as I just waste away.  Do you let people walk on you? I’ve had it happen in the past. Are you ok? I always just wanna start belting out to MCR when a question like this comes up. Do you have a friend you miss right now? Former friend, yeah. Do you ever write snail mail to your friends? I don’t have any friends anymore, but nah dude. I’ll send you a text or hit you up on social media if I need to reach you, ha. Do you make your life look better than it is on Facebook? I guess in a way because I don’t post personal shit. I used to post like sad quotes and lyrics and images back in the day, but I stopped doing that years ago. I very rarely post anything anymore and when I do, it’s something funny or #relatable that I saw and shared to my timeline. Or a check-in to somewhere if I think it’s of interest. Mostly; though, I’m just on there scrolling through my feed and “liking” things here and there. Do you feel God’s presence regularly? Yes. Do you experience chronic pain? Yes. Do you believe God loves you and is rooting for you? I know He does. Have you ever dreamt that you were falling? Ugh, yes. Worst feeling. I hate that feeling of jolting awake.  What would your dream career be? I have no idea. Are you a daydreamer? ”You may say I’m a dreamer, but I’m not the only one.” Do you daydream so much that you wonder if there’s anyone who doesn’t? Uhh, I wouldn’t say that. My daydreaming is more me zoning out and dwelling  about things from the past, thinking about current things, or imagining up scenarios.  Do you ever just sit and daydream for awhile? My mind just wanders off like that. Is the snow falling where you are right now? It doesn’t snow here. :( What is your favorite part of nature? The beach, particularly the ocean. Though, we all know I’m not about getting into the ocean. That deep water and the creatures that dwell down there aren’t for me. Just thinking about that... :O I do love looking out at the ocean and just watch/listen to the waves crash in and out. It’s very, very calming. I let my thoughts get swept away with the waves. I also love the cool, ocean air and smell. Do you wish you could be a world traveler? Yes. Do you wish you could live in another city for a year? Ooh. That would be nice. I actually want to move to another city permanently. What city would you like to visit? There’s countless places I want to visit. What has been your favorite city that you’ve visited? Various ones in California.  If you had kids, would you take them to Disney World? Pfft, I’d go now if I could. I don’t need kids for that, ha. I’m the big kid. I love Disneyland, so I’m sure I’d love Disney World as well. Have you ever stood in line to get a Disney character’s autograph? Yeah. As a kid and as an adult, haha. My favorite was a few years ago when we got pictures with Chewbacca and Darth Vader.  Do you own a birthday crown? No. How long does it usually take your hair to dry? Do you dry it naturally or blow-dry it? I just let it air dry. It takes forever, though. Do you straighten your hair? Not anymore. I used to. Do you sleep with a teddy bear? I have a few stuffed animals on my bed that always just sit on my bed. Would you consider yourself a free spirit? No. Do you need to clean out your closet? I actually just did that a couple weekends ago. Do you watch YouTube videos regularly? Yep, everyday.  What’s your favorite coffee shop? Starbucks. Is your Pinterest page cluttered? I have a few pinned things, but I don’t use Pinterest much for that. I use it to find and save photos for my phone background, typically. Do you want to start a collection? I have a few collections. Are you a role model? Would you consider yourself a good example? No. Are you a leader or a follower? I feel like I’m just sitting on the sidelines watching the crowd go by.  Who’s your favorite person? Not a person, but my doggo. (: Who have been your favorite American Idol contestants? I liked a few from the first few seasons like Adam Lambert, David Archuleta, Tim Urban, and of course, Kelly Clarkson. Did you used to name your Barbies? Yep. What unnatural hair color looks best on you? I love dyeing my hair red. Is your life boring? ”I need another story, something to get off my chest. My life is kind of boring, need something that I can confess.” Do you usually feel better around people or alone? Depends. I like spending time with my family, but I also need my alone time. Is there a broken relationship in your life that you want to fix? Oh, like the friendships I ruined a few years ago because I’m a shitty person? I wouldn’t even know where to begin at this point. Like...what could I even say. I know they’re hurt and probably hate me, and I don’t blame them at all. They deserved more than I what I gave them. The more time goes by, the worse it is. I still don’t feel like I’m in the right headspace to try and fix things. Like...I don’t think things would change and we’d end up in the same spot because I’m still a mess. And I feel horrible for feeling this way, but there’s a part of me that doesn’t want to. :X I wish I went about things differently, most definitely, but having some people out of my life now is the worst thing.... Do you ever think about Heaven? Yes. Are you ready for Heaven yet? I pray it’s not my time, yet.  Are you afraid of where you’re going to go? I pray I go to heaven when it is my time. Do you have a tree outside your window? Yes. Do you feel better now than you did last night? I feel the same, really. Is your sleep schedule messed up? Ohhhh yeah. It has been for years. It switches up, though. Still all bad, but different. Like, currently my bedtime is like 5, sometimes 6, in the morning and I sleep until 1. Does your body have any problems with it? It has a lot wrong with it. Are you doing ok spiritually? I’m working on strengthening my relationship with God. Have you taken any huge risks lately? No. Silence or songs? I don’t like complete silence ever. I need something, whether it be the TV, YouTube, or music. I sleep with the TV on for that reason (and for some light because I can’t have it completely dark either). Tea or coffee? Coffeeeee. Books or movies? I enjoy both. Do you ever watch your favorite movies from when you were a kid? Disney movies are timeless. ^If you were going to do that, what would you watch? Something Disney. Do you ignore rude people or do you call them out? I’ll talk shit about them to myself or someone I’m close with like my mom, ha. I don’t confront people. Well, unless it’s someone I’m close to who says or does something rude. Do you have trouble staying organized? With my life, yes. It’s showing externally now; though, too. My room has gotten cluttery and I hate it. It never used to be that way.  What has been your most favorite adventure? All the trips I’ve taken. What has been your greatest mistake? I’ve made a long list of ‘em. Are you happy with your life right now? No. Do you take anything to make your feel better? ”I take prescriptions to make me feel a-okay I know it’s all in my head.” Sorry, ya’ll know I’m always breaking out into song. Anyway, I currently don’t take any anti-depressants or anti-anxiety pills. Are your parents still together? Yes. What color socks do you have on? White. Are you under a blanket right now? I have one wrapped around me. Are you hopeful? :/

[rpgmgames]

February’s Featured Game: Returning Nightmares

DEVELOPER(S): Saturn ENGINE: RPGMaker 2003 GENRE: YNFG, Exploration, Adventure WARNINGS: Blood, Gore, Swearing, Suicide SUMMARY: Returning Nightmares is an exploration adventure-horror game being developed in RPG Maker 2003, inspired by Yume Nikki and it's multiple fan-made homages (but with dialogue & easier to navigate maps). You play as Akira, a young man locked up in his own bedroom, exploring his dreams to remember the events that lead him to where he is now. But some things are better left alone…

Play the demo here!

Our Interview With The Dev Team Below The Cut!

Introduce yourself! Hi, I'm Saturn and I like videya game. I've been into Yume Nikki since about... 2010? And RPG Maker in general since 2011. I've been cateloguing resources and reblogging RPG Maker projects on Pinkuboa for 6 & 1/2 years now (7 in June) and I run Dream Diary Jam, a game jam for making Yume Nikki Fangames. I also love pixel art, writing, and cooking, but the last one I can't make into a game (yet).

What is your project about? What inspired you to create your game initially? *Saturn: I was originally trying to make like a little intro to Yume Nikki project that people could peak into and copy for Dream Diary Jam & future use. However, it ended up taking a life of it's own as something I could goof off in and enjoy without thinking about it. The eventing I did for it could be better optimized, so I wouldn't use it as an example anymore (but don't mind at all if people look & learn from it!). It's basically about me thinking back on my edgy years and my years of looking at other's OCs and celebrating how goofy and fun the stories could be. A lot of the game is me asking "What would someone who watched a lot of anime and listened to MCR do?" There's an appeal to cool edgy stuff I think we forget about when we look back on our edgelord years. Sure, you may not have been the best writer and some of the stuff is over the top, but it was enjoyable to make and some of the characters still appeal to you for basic emotional reasons (good design, relatable story, fun power trip, you just like their hair, etc.) I hope the game is enjoyable to people whether or not they laugh at it or honestly have a good time with it. Both ways are valid - enjoyment is enjoyment!

How long did you work on your project? *Saturn: Oh gosh...I believe I started at the very end of 2017, like a week before the new year. Then I worked on it for like 2 months, took a break, then picked it up and went hard in September 2018 again.

Did any other games or media influence aspects of your project? *Saturn: You bet buddy: -Yume Nikki -.flow -Ignite -The Looking Glass -Fleshchild -Yume Nisshi -Akuma (Yume Nikki Fangame) -Answered Prayers -Ultra Violet -Cheesy internet OCs I read as a kid -Cheesy modern horror movies -Cheesy Creepypastas ...and probably other stuff but I can't think of it right now.

Have you come across any challenges during development? How have you overcome or worked around them? *Saturn: Sometimes I make a world without thinking about it all the way through and I don't know what to do it with or what to fill it with. That's why you can find a map of an Ouija board in the map files with some events and such that you can't access elsewhere. It's driving me mad still. >:T

Did any aspects of your project change over time? How does your current project differ from your initial concept? *Saturn: It went from a side project to my current project, a project I wanted to use to help others but ended up teaching myself. I know better ways of eventing now and have an idea of how to make maps and tiles better and faster.

What was your team like at the beginning? How did people join the team? If you don’t have a team, do you wish you had one or do you prefer working alone? *Saturn: I prefer working alone on this game. Had it been something that I started with someone else, I'd like it with them. I do crowdsource ideas though: I'll ask discord randomly, "Hey, what should I put next in Returning Nightmares" or "Hey, what else should I put in this world?" Big shout out to Dream Diary Development & Pixel Horror for their help!!

What was the best part of developing the game? *Saturn: Seeing the worlds come together. Once a world has music in it and all the bits and pieces properly moving and intractable, it's immensely satisfying. I'd say finishing an event and having it work properly is second. Eventing is fun!

Do you find yourself playing other RPG Maker games to see what you can do with the engine, or do you prefer to do your own thing? *Saturn: I find myself playing with the engine and seeing what I can do with it myself.

Which character in your game do you relate to the most and why? (Alternatively: Who is your favorite character and why?) *Saturn: I don't relate to anyone in particular because they're all kinda hollow. However, I like the hidden wizard the best since he was a D&D character I never got to use, so I have a whole backstory and personality for him!

Looking back now, is there anything that regret/wish you had done differently? *Saturn: I wish I planned better & fixed a few bugs for the first release. At least there's nothing game breaking: you can't get a few menus if you don't have enough money, but that's it.

Do you plan to explore the game’s universe and characters further in subsequent projects, or leave it as-is? *Saturn: Leave as is. This one is mostly to get me comfortable with the idea of releasing a larger game. Akira doesn't have any great stories in him, he's just him. Most of the games I got ideas for are one off since I like one off stuff. Makes everything feel complete.

With your current project, what do you look most forward to upon/after release? *Saturn: I look for people's reactions to it. There's, there's a particular place in the game that's in the shape of a 10 year old webcomic meme that I had people @ me in chats and ask if it was a reference to, while I giggled like a fool. Games like most media can be an interaction between player & creator, and that's one of the fun parts of it all.

Is there something you’re afraid of concerning the development or the release of your game? *Saturn: God I don't know if I'll break the game or make it boring in any particular way. That's my top concern.

Do you have any advice for upcoming devs? *Saturn: Learning how to make a game is like learning how to read or how to do math: you won't be able to read To Kill a Mockingbird right away, nor will you be doing advanced algebra. It took a lot of time for you to be able to do either. Give yourself a break when you learn how to make a game as well: you won't learn how to make a big one in a month! Feel free to screw up. Someone says "Don't do that, it'll be too big"? Do it anyway: you'll either fail and learn a lesson, or you'll succeed and then look back and say, "Oh crap, I could of done that better now that I learned everything new." Either way, you got more practice to make another game, but better. "But I screwed up...." - see paragraph 1 on this question for the answer to that. Cut yourself some slack and remember you're doing this because you want to enjoy making a game! I found the best way I learned is by looking into other games (thanks Bleet & Jojogape for being cool with people looking at their games). I suggest finding the best way you learn as well, whether it's written tutorials, asking people, looking at other people's games, video tutorials, or just messing with the engine yourself. Lastly, I found the best way to take pressure off myself when making a game (as someone who loves perfection) was to make a few goofy joke games first. If they were bad, that was fine: they were supposed to be funny bad! It's like releasing steam by making MS Paint drawings, it makes you laugh and feel less nervous.

Question from last month's featured dev @leirin: What's something you really hope to see an RPG Maker game achieve in the future? * *Saturn: I want to see more games do something with the picture system in RPG Maker 2003. Like, I've seen games play with the new picture system, but not release and it's really burning my britches because it's such a great cosmetic game changer hnnnngh. Otherwise, I'm not sure. RPG Maker is a limited engine specialized for RPGs. I like watching fellow developers Cachi, Hogwash-dev, Rindre, and a few other people see how far they can push the system, but I don't have a particular "I want to see this" from something. I kinda like RPG Maker for it's limits, but I also like seeing what I wasn't expecting from it!

We mods would like to thank Saturn for agreeing to our interview! We believe that featuring the developer and their creative process is just as important as featuring the final product. Hopefully this Q&A segment has been an entertaining and insightful experience for everyone involved!

Remember to check out Returning Nightmares if you haven’t already! See you next month! 

- Mods Gold & Platinum

[freckled-words]

Repost:Unpaid Punishment Prt 5

edited by @the-wild-ego

WARNING: ANIMAL CRUELTY (in my personal opinion)

This time, when the colours and space around you settled you found yourself outside your house. The sun was beginning to set, and if you could feel the temperature, you’d know there was a bit of mugginess to the air. 

A tug on your leash had you turning to look down the road. 

Coming up the street was you. Now instead of 6, you were 17. You knew this from how you were dressed. 

Black cut off jeans, bright green converse sneakers that had stars hand drawn on them, a Green Day t-shirt, and an MCR hoodie tied around your waist. Your hair was done up in a faux hawk, streaked with bright red, and the amount of eyeliner you wore would have made a raccoon envious. 

Just as you were thinking this wasn’t your greatest apparel phase in life, Phantom chuckled with a bit of honest humour, “So it’s true, everyone goes through a dark phase. I will admit, I’m rather glad you did grow out of it.”

You bit back the retort that sat on your tongue. That maybe you should have, if it meant never being forced to go through this particular point in your history. 

17 year old you stopped just a couple steps from Phantom. He followed her gaze to a red corvette that was parked by the curb. 

He saw from the corner of his eye as both you in the past, and the you of present, pulled your upper lip back in a snarl of distaste. 

You squared your shoulders and marched up to the house, making sure the door slammed shut behind you. 

Phantom dragged you along, forcing you through the closed door. Your continued reluctance to behave only spurred him on. The last memory hadn’t delivered as much pain as he’d wanted. This one seemed to be extremely promising for some anguish. 

17 year old you had been ready to go on the warpath when entering the house. Now he watched you hesitate, waiting with a growing look of unease on your face. 

Not bothering to take off your shoes you went into the kitchen, bending over to check the linoleum floor for something. Not finding it, your urgency spiked higher, panic nearly visible in your eyes as you went to the living room. 

Phantom didn’t hedge you for commentary. He didn’t need to when he could see the growing despair in your features. 

He did continue to drag you as he went to the living room, not wanting to miss the spectacle of drama about to unfold. 

He would be the first to openly admit that his understanding of human emotions wasn’t very profound. He could sympathize in satisfaction, of the flesh or from accomplishment of a goal. He could understand their anger and what might ignite it. But the finer ones: love, infatuation, despair, sadness. They were all out of his grasp. It didn’t stop him from exploiting them though. 

To him, what you were experiencing and reliving, was just a show for him. He was studying all of it. Making notes of what he could use for his own purposes when dealing with potential targets in the future. 

17 year old you ignored your mother and the man that sat comfortably next to her on the couch. From how your mother avoided looking at you, she knew what or who you were looking for. 

When you didn’t find it there, you turned frenzied eyes on the woman, “Where is she? Where’s Hope?”

The man looked between you and your mother. From the twitch at the corner of his mouth, Phantom could tell he was in on things. 

Your mother attempted for a solemn expression, which wasn’t easy for her to do with all the makeup she was wearing. The natural blush of her cheeks and the crinkles at the corner of her eyes made it obvious that she was quite happy with how things currently were.

“I’m so sorry sweetie, but I had to take Hope to the vet. She must have gotten into some food that was bad, or she ate something that wasn’t food at all… There was nothing that the vet could do.”

This had all happened years ago, but hearing these words again, you felt exactly the same as you did on this day. 

A solid lump appeared in your throat as your eyes began to burn with tears. You didn’t believe a goddamn word this woman was spouting. 

When you’d looked for Hope, you’d noticed that her dog bed was gone from its spot in the corner of the living room. Her leash wasn’t hanging on the hook by the door. Even her food and water dish had been removed from the kitchen. Gone was your best friend, your furry clown that always wanted cuddles and kisses, and in her place was this man. The newest one to join the line-up of trashy choices your mother had made ever since your father had left you. 

You weren’t so naive as to not put two and two together. 

Without a word you stomped off to your bedroom and grabbed the one thing you knew she’d miss. Hope’s favourite blanket. It smelled like dog, and had plenty of Hope’s beige and brown fur all over it. 

Bunching it into a ball you rushed back downstairs, and without any warning threw the balled up blanket into the man’s face. 

He exploded into sneezes, and as he did you stared down your mother with every ounce of hatred you could muster. Your voice was choked by your restrained anger, “You want to try and run that bullshit by me again?”

She met your glare without a hint of remorse, only annoyance, “She was old. She was bound to die any day, I just saved her the trouble of waiting.”

Your tears spilled over then, in them were any last shreds of love you’d ever had for this woman that you’d been forced to call ‘mother.’

Then and now, you could have murdered her and not felt a single ounce of regret. 

Phantom could feel the waves of homicidal intent coming from you as a teenager, and you from the present. He hadn’t anticipated this from your character. He knew of human attachment to pets, he’d even considered taking in a cat himself at one point. But that had only been a passing consideration, for the sake of roping in a client. Seeing how you were ready to commit murder over a dog, he gave himself a pat on the back for having dismissed that plan. 

Something about the way the man shifted on the couch, and tossed the blanket away in disgust, drew you back from the intent to lunge at your mother. 

Instead you took a better route and turned your hatred towards him. Your tone spiteful as you told him, “Did she tell you she has crabs? That you're her fifth boyfriend this month? She goes through men real quick, cause they realize how much of a backstabbing monster she is. She just murdered a dog, so you would stay with her. You know who else murders animals? Sociopaths. You might want to keep that in mind.”

Your mother was on her feet and screeching, “How dare you! You worthless brat! You owe me everything, and I will not tolerate such blatant lies and disrespect! Get your ass into your room, I don’t want to see your face for a month!”

You’d gotten in the best strike against her. You’d planted the seed of doubt in her new beau’s mind. If he had any common sense, he’d join the line-up of deadbeat boyfriends that your mother had gone through. 

Having nothing left to say you turned on your heel and went up to your room, but you didn’t intend to stay there. 

Phantom tugged you along, to make you stand outside your bedroom door and listen as you screamed into a pillow. 

He put a hand on your head, drawing your eyes to his so he could ask curiously, “If that man hadn’t been there, and if she’d still done away with your precious Hope, would you have gone through with it? Would you have murdered your own mother.”

At that very moment, facing her down and having your heart ripped from your chest, you knew the answer, “Yes.”

Phantom hummed a small note, and gave your hair a little pat. 

You wanted to be out of this place. You wanted to go home to your current apartment. Just to cry and scream in peace. It hurt so much, to remember all the peaceful nights cuddled up with her. The sunny afternoons when you’d play with her in the sprinkler. Listening to her snore in the background while you worked on your homework. All of it gone, she was gone. Hope had deserved to die in her own natural sleep, with you by her side, so she would know she was loved right up until the last moment. Instead she’d been taken away and left with a stranger, one you hoped had treated her kindly just before she closed her eyes. 

You collapsed to the floor, a gut wrenching sob tearing from your chest as tears streamed down your cheeks. There was no stopping this. You hurt too much. 

Phantom left you there to your agony, not interested in your sobbing. He’d just wanted to be sure you were feeling the pain he’d brought you here for. 

Stepping through the door to your bedroom, he was amused to see you reenacting your father’s final night here. You’d pulled a large duffel bag from the closet, and with tears and snot running down your face, you shoved handfuls of clothes into it. 

When it couldn’t hold anything else, you grabbed a lightweight coat from your closet and tied it around your waist. Your sweater had been thrown into the duffel. 

You diverged from your father’s exit by taking a different route. You’d gone down onto your knees and pulled out a rope from under your bed. With practiced ease you tied one end to the leg of your bed frame and cast the other end out of the window. 

Your duffel bag was thrown out next, landing on the grass with a quiet ‘thump'. Your teenage self gave the room one final look over, then you were climbing out the window and lowering yourself down the rope. 

The memory ended there, sending you and Phantom back to the white space. 

The blanket with its numbing effect quieted your sobs, bringing you back to a more manageable state of mind. 

You still felt raw though. Your stomach threatened to heave in response to the amount of emotions you were being forced to endure for the second time in your life. 

“I must say, when I started this, my intent had only been to teach you a valuable lesson. Instead I’m learning so much about you. I could have been utilizing your capabilities to a much better degree.” 

Since you hadn’t moved from the ground, Phantom took your kneeling position as an invitation to pet your head. 

You ignored his touch, choosing to wipe the tears from your cheeks you asked demurely, “Are we done?”

Phantom tsked and gave a light rap on your head with a knuckle. “We’ll be done after we take a look at this last one. From what I’m sensing, this one took place not too long ago. What was it, one, two years ago?”

There was only one incident you could think of that had happened in the past couple years. Your voice was hollow, even to your own ears when you answered, “Three years ago. My final semester in college.”

Smiling at the resignation he could see in your eyes and posture, he held out a hand. 

You accepted it and let him pull you to your feet. 

Instead of pulling you along by the leash, you felt the tiniest spark of surprise when he held onto your hand and guided you towards the third cloud. 

There were no remarks, or barked orders. He simply towed you through the darkness and out onto a snowy campus.

[sweetsweetamber]

23.06.2020

Emailed this to a friend earlier today.

I have been putting off even beginning to allow myself to process my feelings on this since I found out Zac Hanson was a raging racist, transphobic, sexist piece of shit. The problem is he keeps doubling down on his stance and making it so much worse, instead of letting me delete him from my memory and never have to think about him ever again.

This is so different to when multiple women came forward with allegations against Jesse Lacey. Like the second I found that out I never listened to Brand New ever again. Done, deleted. They were one of my favourite bands too, like the same level as Fall Out Boy, MCR, Panic and anything Andrew McMahon does. It hurt, mostly because I used their music to help me get through dealing with shitty men doing similar things to what Jesse Lacey did. But I haven’t really thought about them since, and I only miss their music sometimes. Maybe one day I’ll be able to listen to it without feeling disgusted, but that time is still a long way off.

I am also not the kind of person to idolise celebrities really? Not since I was a kid, anyway. Like all my favourite bands now, I have no idea about their personal lives beyond probably the mid 2000s. I have no clue what their kids, or wives names are, or even how many kids they have. I don’t even know all the names of the people in the band sometimes! I don’t feel connected to them as a person, I feel connected to them through their art, their music, their lyrics. As well as the fandom, the fans, the concerts, and the things I experienced in my life while listening to their music.

Anyway, here’s a brief timeline of what lead up to the main blowout to help put things in context:

May 25th-27th: George Floyd was murdered and Hanson posts normal content on social media with ordinary fan comments

May 28th: Protests against police brutality happen across America, Hanson shares a post about the rocket launch. A handful of fans (mostly Black and POC) express their hurt and frustration with Hanson in the comments

May 31st: Hanson posts advertising a livestream with an organisation that provides mental health support to musicians. Fans comment pleading with them to do the right thing, other fans start absolutely dog-piling those fans and tell them to stop “attacking” Hanson

June 2nd: Black out Tuesday. Taylor posts a black square and a few people comment asking him to actually say Black Lives Matter. The main Hanson account posts nothing.

June 3rd: Isaac posts on his account that “racism is wrong!” to very mixed reactions. Still won’t say Black Lives Matter.

June 4th: Zac posts about recording a podcast. He responds to a few comments about why he won’t say Black Lives Matter, it turns into a shit show and he deletes all the comments.

June 5th: The main Hanson account makes a post advertising their shitty yearly island vacation but it got blown up with backlash in the comments so they deleted the post. Zac makes a really fucking weird instagram text post, that says “Racism is wrong, but simply saying I denounce racism in a post will not save the life of the next young black man who comes upon it, or the next victim of reckless brutality”. The main Hanson account posts a photo with the one black hand in it they could find and still refuse to say Black Lives Matter.

This is where I jumped in and commented “Open your purse” and got completely torn apart by racist fans. I spent hours fighting back and supporting another indigenous Hanson fan who was also getting hurled tons of abuse in the comments. It was genuinely hard to try to calmly engage with these people who were spewing paragraphs about how Hanson don’t owe us anything and to “stop forcing your beliefs on them”. Whew. I think I blocked like 60 accounts, and had to change all my instagram settings to keep me as protected as possible without having to go private.

I knew Hanson fans were terrible. I found this out while in line for their first concert, when everyone was obnoxious assholes who wanted to brag about how many tens of thousands of dollars they’d spent following the tour (no one in line with me in the mornings were locals or even from New Zealand). The more money you spent, the more of a fan you were in their eyes.

This put me completely off ever going to their yearly fanclub island retreat which had been on my bucket list for at least a decade. The thought of being trapped on an island with Hanson and hundreds of complete assholes put me right off for life.

The funny thing is, I always met the nicest and most amazing fellow Hanson fans in line for other bands concerts? But the second concert I went to really solidified my opinion of Hanson fans being the most entitled assholes ever. I should have known it was only a hop skip and a jump for them to slide over being to racist as hell.

I eventually ended up deleting my original comment because a week later I was still getting angry racists coming at me for a fairly mild but sassy post. Which is hilarious because when Gerard Way made a similar half-assed post on his instagram, nearly every comment was “open your purse” and sarcastic “we stan a king who does nothing!!”. The next day he was like, I fucked up, here are some links and resources, we are redirecting the MCR store page to links to donate etc. There were probably some fans getting angry at the “backlash”, but if there were any I didn’t see it. Just insane to see the difference between two groups of fans for bands that I like(d).

On June 6th, a whole lot of Zac’s personal social media accounts got leaked, including a Pinterest board, youtube account and instagram account. He then he publicly confirmed they were all his because he’s a fucking idiot.

A few days later I got sent a link to the r/PostHanson subreddit, which had screengrabs of all of Zac’s pinterest boards. Seeing all those ridiculous and incredibly offensive “memes” was like a punch in the gut.

I had not kept up with this dude's personal life at all, I have forgotten his wife's name and lost track of how many kids he has after the first one. I just figured he was probably conservative because homeschooled + super religious + getting married quick and churning out babies. I’d never really heard or seen Hanson take a political stance on anything, but I didn’t really follow them too closely.

Apparently it was known to fans that Zac was SUPER INTO GUNS and played airsoft which is basically paintball crossed with modern military reenactment?

His pinterest page was completely full of stuff he’d pinned about guns (so many guns) and second amendment memes, that said things like “an 18 year old is too young to buy a gun, but a 5 year old is old enough to decide its own gender?” and one with a picture of a man and a woman with the caption “I told her guns make me feel uncomfortable, she said we should both see other men” which he added the comment “So true” to. The worst were the ones that were supportive of George Zimmerman.

I felt frightened, disgusted, and upset.

On June 8th the Hanson instagram account finally posted (with comments turned off) saying Black Lives Matter.

Since then, Zac has really just…. doubled down on being a shithead. He’s been posting as normal on his main account, blocking fans and deleting even mildly critical comments, liking the most disgusting comments that racist fans have been posting in support of him - one comment he liked was a fan justifying Zimmerman murdering Trayvon Martin. Also replying to some critical fans, making a ridiculously long comment where he thinks everyone is mad at him for being a second amendment nutter which genuinely made me more upset, angry and scared. He truly is the most dangerous type of white person: uneducated, ignorant, arrogant, and with a massive platform to spread his fucked up views. As someone else summed up so perfectly in a comment on one of his posts:

Too stubborn to look inward and see how their own actions, thoughts and behaviours are problematic. No desire to actually hear out marginalised voices. Instead, they'd rather create their own narrative, they want to play the victim, feign being attacked, deflect from any of the issues brought up, and will do anything BUT hold themselves accountable. Instead, they block black people and other POC (Rule #1 of what NOT to do right now), and will "like" comments of other uneducated ignorant white fans who are blindly loyal to anything he says and also don't care at all about marginalised and underrepresented people. Because it's all about HIM. The Poor, entitled, white man is feeling attacked. Zac, you are less than a man. Your development, somewhere down the line, was truly stunted.You are so brainwashed, so self righteous and so far gone, I don't know if you are even salvageable at this point. You would rather be in your bubble, clutching your guns and "liking" comments on your page that are defending the murder of black children than taking the bandwidth, introspection and WORK is takes to actually evolve and be a good person. As a black woman, at least I know now not to waste another dime of my money on you. Now go do what you do best and block another black voice, or write yet another tone deaf and ignorant response to make POC feel crazy (ie: "I'm sorry you are feeling hurt", "I love you", etc.) SAVE IT. That's more deflection bc YOU as the white man are CAUSING the hurt. If you want to love black people, start with explaining to all of your black fans why you believe a young, innocent black child named Trayvon Martin deserved to die because he attacked George Zimmerman. You were man enough to post it. Be man enough to defend it and stand BY your actions.

So I’m not entirely sure where that leaves me or where to go from here. I feel completely blindsided by the boy I picked as my favorite member when I was 12 grew up to be an abhorrent racist fuckhead. I saw in the subreddit support group someone said it feels like someone died and we are all in mourning, which sounds strange but it really does. The Zac Hanson I thought I knew is dead. He never really existed in the first place, or maybe he did for a short while before all the hate wormed its way into his heart.

I also believe that the type of music you choose says a lot about you as a person, and so much of my identity in my preteen and early teen years are wrapped up in Hanson. Both them as individuals as much as the music - I think that's why I can’t separate them because there has never been any separation between the two for me. I first heard Hanson on MTV with their music video for Mmmbop and decided I was in love with Zac before the song was over. I don’t think I can ever stomach listening to that song ever again.

Everyone makes mistakes, has racism to unlearn etc, but Zac hasn’t even bothered to lie and give us the PR answer of “I’m listening and learning etc”, even if he isn’t. He doesn’t even want to seem like he’s saving face because he truly thinks nothing he said or did was wrong, and that is the most horrifying thing of all.

I don’t know how to move past this. It's very easy to think, “people are flawed so you shouldn’t idolise them” but I can’t just snap my fingers and remove this weird 23 year old bond I have that is a mix of intense love and nostalgia? Like there was genuinely a point at age 13 where I actually truly believed: if he could just come to NZ and lock eyes with me at a concert we would fall in love and get married. Which sounds wild but it's how all 3 of them met their wives so it actually was a pretty solid plan.

I immediately took down my signed photo of the band that I had on the wall though because seeing it didn’t remind me of the happy memory of seeing them in concert for the very first time, it just reminded me that Zac is an awful person and his brothers are probably the same and just better at keeping their views private.

I always wanted to get my Hanson tattoo covered and redone but now I think I’m just going to get it covered. A lot of fans are selling or throwing out merch, but I don't want to do that so I've just packed the few things I have away so I don't have to see them for now.

Thinking about the time I met Zac makes me feel sick. It used to genuinely be the best day of my life that I could think about if I was having a shitty day and think “Hey, remember Zac Hanson hugged you”. I’m just so angry that he has tainted so many amazing and happy memories with the hateful rhetoric he is spewing now. I know over time it will hurt less but everything just hurts a lot right now.

Thank you for coming to my Ted talk lmao.

[nualathebear]

There Are Worst Things (PG-13)

Pairing: Grayson x MC (Alexis)

Rating: MCR level Angst

Word Count: 1691

Request: @anon Please love me ^-^

Prompt: #16 “I’ve got you”

Extra Notes: This turned out a lot longer than I anticipated and sadly, it’s not a happy ending L No fluff, no smut, no nothing. Just heartache. I so sorry!

Warning: Mentions of abuse and trauma. Mild allusion to PTSD.

Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters but I love them like my babies

He didn’t know how long he had been going to the spot where he last saw Alexis. Demetra…she was Demetra. Finding that bit of information had been a shock to his system but it made sense. All the times she disappeared, the countless hospital visits, the whispered conversations she had with Kenji and Eva. He should have known. And now she was gone, along with his father. Grayson shouldn’t have hope that either would return.

Despite not wanting to give light to the tiny speck of hope he had that at least one of them would come back, Grayson came back to where he last saw Alexis and his father every single day. He stayed there after work, he dropped by before work and during lunch hours. He even briefly wondered whether he should just put a security camera on the spot. He was a mad man. Doing the same thing over and over again day in and day out, expecting a different result.

Neither came back.

Some days, he saw Kenji there as well. Other days, Poppy and Dax would try to be inconspicuous but he knew they were there. He even thought he saw Eva once but he couldn’t be too sure. His mind could have played tricks on him.

Grayson was at the spot again one night, just staring at the crack on the asphalt where Alexis had been thrown upwards into the sky. He got down on the ground and placed a hand on the crease, closing his eyes. A distant rumbling sounded but Grayson didn’t move. If it was going to rain, he didn’t care.

Then, a resounding crack almost deafened Grayson and suddenly a blinding light shone out of the crack. Grayson scrambled to get up but failed when something rolled out of the light. For a moment, all Grayson could do was stare at the black figure before he saw the shock of blonde hair peeking out. “No.”

He launched forward and ran towards the figure, scraping his knees as he kneeled beside it, gently pushing it over.

It was Alexis.

“Alexis!” Grayson rasped and pulled her up into his arms, checking her vitals. Her heartbeat was so weak but she was breathing. “Lex, please wake up.” Grayson cupped her cheek, gently patting it. She didn’t move and Grayson’s heart clenched into itself. “No…Alexis please…can you hear me?” He kept calling her name and shaking her until he saw a crease in between her eyebrows. “Alexis! Alexis, it’s Grayson. Please…please wake up.” He was nearly in tears as he continued to shake her. Her eyes fluttered open and quite suddenly, her hand closed in around Grayson’s neck. “Get your hands off me, you monster!” Alexis yelled as they were both propelled into the air. Grayson scrambled to loosen her grip, choking out her name.

“Lex, it’s me. It’s…it’s Grayson.” He wheezed out. Her eyes flashed red as her grip tightened, closing Grayson’s air passage. “Please, it’s Gray-” Something in Alexis’s eyes changed and the grip she had on Grayson loosened. “Gray…” she looked at him as he passed out and her eyes widened. “No. I’m sorry!” She loosened her grip completely before sliding her arms around his waist, flying downwards and slowly dropping him to the ground. His head lolled to the side and Alexis tried to find his vitals. It was weak but it was still there. “Oh my God…what have I done?”

She scooped Grayson back up and shot up to the sky again, flying in the direction of a nearby hospital. Without even thinking of how she looked like, she went inside and yelled for a doctor. “Please, he’s not breathing.” She got a nurse’s attention and they scrambled to get a gurney and Alexis deposited Grayson on it gently before being held back by another nurse. “You need to stay outside, Demetra.” The nurse said to which Alexis obliged only due to shock. People were staring and Alexis knew she had to leave quickly. She tried to trace where they would have gone and quickly left the building only to start flying around to find where they had brought Grayson.

Her worry for him almost made her forget what she had just come back from. She was so consumed in her worry for Grayson that she had forgotten just mere minutes ago, she was being tortured by Grayson’s father. Or rather, what used to be his father. She couldn’t even tell whether he was a figment of her imagination or he actually survived the blast before they were catapulted into space. But he was different. He was still the megalomaniac she had fought on Earth but somehow he had become even more sadistic in the months she had been his prisoner.

All that somehow didn’t even matter because she had escaped and was now worrying about her Grayson. The real Grayson, not the distorted version Silas cooked up to torture her. She had almost killed him and if he really was about to die, escaping would have been for naught.

She finally caught sight of Grayson and she almost cried out of relief. Pressing against the small window to the room he was in, she watched as he was patched up and given a tube to breathe through. Alexis then really cried, sobbing quietly against the wall, a mix of relief, hatred, guilt and anxiety all rolled in her mind.

Once she stopped crying, she pressed the side of her mask that opened communication with whoever was at headquarters and started to speak. “Poppy…Dax…whoever’s there. It’s…Demetra. I’m back.” She released the mask and flew to HQ.

She didn’t even manage to touch the ground when she was enveloped in a hug by Poppy and Dax as they stumbled over words of worry and relief. She let them talk as she made her way to the couch to lie down. Poppy understood and even though Dax wanted to ask a lot more questions, his partner forcefully pulled him away from her and before she knew it, she was out like a light.

--

When she woke up, Poppy offered her a steaming mug of coffee. She was uncharacteristically quiet but looked at Alexis like she was broken. Alexis pulled Poppy next to her and curled up on her lap before crying once more. She didn’t know why she was crying but Poppy’s soothing sounds and her fingers through her hair calmed her down enough to let her fall asleep again.

She woke up once more in the afternoon when Dax shook her awake, holding a phone to her. Alexis plucked it out of his hand and the voice on the other end was hoarse but recognisable instantly. “Lex…please come. I need to see you.”

Alexis took a quick shower and changed into a tank top and sweat pants. After promising full details to Dax, she flew to the hospital. Going up to information, she asked for Grayson’s room and was directed to one of the executive suites in the hospital. She knocked softly before entering and seeing Grayson on the bed made her pause. Grayson’s blue eyes shone when he saw her and he wanted to move to greet her but Alexis shook her head. She could see his whole body deflate and she felt horrible.

She didn’t understand how he could still want to see her, even after she almost killed him. She wanted so badly to go to him but what guarantee did she have that she wouldn’t hurt him again? Just because she had escaped from Silas’ defiled universe, didn’t mean that she had escaped whatever happened to her there. She wanted to believe she could get past it but she knew it would be impossible.

“Please…Lexi…” Grayson’s voice sounded so pitiful, just like it had when she was choking him. Her heart squeezed into itself and her grip on the doorknob almost bent it in half. Alexis took a deep breath before stepping in, leaving the door open just so someone would at least try to intervene if something happened. Realistically, she knew no one could but it was worth a shot.

She went over to the window and sat on the sill, looking down at her shoes. “Lex,”

“Grayson, I don’t think we can be around each other anymore.”

The silence in the room was palpable.

“I don’t…know how long time has passed here but I was lost for months. And the things I had to see and do in that time…I can’t even begin to explain. I almost killed you because of it and I don’t want it to happen again. I know…I know it will happen again. And nothing you can do is going to stop it from happening again.”

She didn’t know whether her coldness was coming from the fact that she had cried herself out or she actually believed the words coming from her mouth.

“So…whatever we had…it needs to stop. We can’t see each other anymore. I can’t…work with you anymore. I just wanted you to know so you’d stop looking for me.”

Grayson stared at her and a million things ran through his head but none of them even came close to wanting to stop seeing her. It was the furthest thing from his mind and now she was telling him that she wanted to cut things off?

Part of him wanted to tell her no. Part of him wanted to remain obstinate and keep pushing so she would let him in. But he knew that part was selfish and wouldn’t make her life any easier. He had no clue what she had to go through in her absence. He was a trigger. He didn’t want to be her trigger.

He had to let her go.

“Whatever you have to do, I hope it brings you peace.” Grayson finally said as he held back tears. “But if for whatever reason you need me, I’m here. Always. I’ve got you.” His voice broke by the end and when he looked up, Alexis was on her feet. Quietly, she left and Grayson leaned back in the hospital bed.

“I’ve got you, Alexis.”

[mytherapistthinksimfunny]

The Endless Thirst of Grace Michaud

It’s almost 11 pm, and in the four hours that I have been home from work, I’ve been reading articles about Adam Driver. Alone in my apartment, I snort to myself as I read The Cut’s “I Want to Be Adam Driver’s Baby”  and “21 Things I Would Like to Do With Adam Driver” which I relate to a little too well. I, too, want to “peruse real-estate listings” with Adam Driver. 

In my nearly 26 years of living, Adam Driver is this month’s Grace Michaud’s “It Boy.” Last month it was Spike from Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Next month? Who knows, but Henry Cavill is looking mighty fine in The Witcher. 

For anyone who has ever known me, this causes little concern. To everyone joining the Grace Michaud journey: welcome. You are about to experience an everyday occurrence.

New friends, or people who only interact with me via social media: I suffer from being infinitely thirsty. My thirst can never be quenched. Usually the thirst comes at a normal level, like any thirst, and starts out as a simple tickle in the throat. If offered a drink I wouldn’t say no. But I don’t actively do anything about it. I could go for a drink, but I’m not about to get up and get one. Then the thought becomes nagging, that maybe I really should get up and get a drink right now. I’ll crave water, a simple free drink that comes from the tap. Soon my thirst becomes more distinct. I’m craving an Arnold Palmer and I need that Arnold Palmer now. I drink and drink and still I’m thirsty, drinking like I’m in the desert, about to die unless I drink the world’s entire water supply right now. 

I am, of course, not talking about liquids. I’m talking about men.

An attractive male on a film or show catches my eye, and I make note. Soon I’m watching every movie they’ve ever made until I’m in a downward spiral of interviews in the trenches of YouTube and Google. 

I’ve been attracted to the male species since before I could form a concrete memory. The evidence is in a video of my dad teasing me at three about a crush I have on a boy named Ricardo. Wracking my memory, the name sounds familiar, and I’m aware I had crushes when I was in preschool.

How in the world did my tiny brain comprehend the very idea of crushes? That one could feel something more than just friendship with someone? That I, a mere three-year-old just learning how to not urinate my pants, was able to identify that? I’ve dated 30-year-old men who are nowhere near that level of emotionally intelligent. 

Who were you, Ricardo? Why was I fascinated with you? Was I attracted to you? Do three-year- olds recognize attraction? Where are you now Ricardo? Have you met your metaphorical Lucy?

So we begin, reader, towards an agonizing life of never-ending attraction to men. Now, I am absolutely not going to go into my dating life. That is just one long humiliating and questionable series of life decisions that even I don’t want to get into. Let’s just say, at 11, there was an entire diary entry of pictures from my yearbook of a kid named Kyle who once took a pinecone out of my hair. I shudder at the thought. And don’t get me started about junior year of high school.                                                                      

I mention Ricardo to show you that my thirst for men was always there, whether I knew it or not. To me, it seems, it was just a normal feeling that was a part of me. Nothing unusual. My karate teacher was a hottie and probably why I loved going to karate. I loved men so much that I wanted to be them. I dressed in boy’s clothes, even boy’s underwear, and occasionally asked my parents to call me Michael. Now, you’re probably thinking: “Wow there is a lot to unpack here.” But this was 1997 and my parents just went along with it, not really caring as long as I went to bed when they told me to. While others may think something entirely different, I just chalk this up to being that boy crazy. I didn’t start wearing dresses until I hit puberty….but I’m already getting off topic and I don’t want this to turn into an episode of Big Mouth. Let’s try and remain focused here: I’m an obsessive person.

This is my Kindle library as of March 20, 2020:

There is a home movie of my two-year-old self pointing to my Tweedy Bird hat excitedly. “I have Tweedy Bird on my hat!” I repeat over and over with a lisp, clearly very excited I had something I loved on an item of clothing. Even then, when I loved something, I was all in. 

Combine my obsessive personality with my attraction to the male species? We descend into madness, my friends. From cartoon characters, to television shows, to actors, to rock stars, to actors again. I obsess most over men I don’t personally know. Think 25 years of pictures covering walls. Merchandise. Staying up till 3 am diving into the corners of the internet for every last drop of information I could get. 

And it all started with Bugs Bunny.

Bugs Bunny was my first foray into fangirl territory. It was that episode when Bugs Bunny dressed as a Viking woman that drew me into the Bugs Bunny portal of obsession. I wasn’t attracted to Bugs Bunny in drag, necessarily; I was more fascinated by the idea of Elmer Fudd falling in love with Bugs Bunny. That Bugs was a character that could be loved romantically. I know this sounds really bizarre and heavy, but I fully believe that I was fascinated by romantic love that early in my life. 

Soon I didn’t stop talking about Bugs Bunny. I had an entire Bugs Bunny tracksuit, slippers, and a doll. There’s a picture of me in my entire ensemble while holding the doll, ecstatic. For my fourth birthday my mom made me a homemade Bugs Bunny Halloween costume. Bugs Bunny was even my imaginary friend for a bit there. I must have worn out the Space Jam VHS tape.

Note the Bugs Bunny watch. 

That’s childhood obsession for you. When I loved Pokemon all I would do was talk about it and dream about it. 

Then it was Digimon. In twenty six years, it hasn’t stopped. Up until December of 2019, it’s been one TV show after the other, examples being Avatar the Last Airbender, Total Drama Island, The Office, The Vampire Diaries, Supernatural, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Sherlock, Game of Thrones, Mr. Robot, Fleabag, Frasier, and most recently, Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Harry Potter has always been a love for me, and I’ve been obsessed with two different book series: the comic books The Umbrella Academy (the show is a DISASTER compared to how good the comics are), and The Chronicles of Vladimir Tod (a book series about a vampire; as a bonus, see how many vampires you can count). A common theme for all of these things was the fact that I was attracted to a singular male character and their relationship to others.

In preparing to write this I wrote about 6 pages worth of notes, all ranging in obsession. To completely write about every single one would take a novel with each of my multiple obsessions being individual chapters. For example, during the Total Drama Island years I was constantly up till 3 am on the weekends making YouTube videos for the show. If you can find them...I’d be impressed. (But actually, please don’t.) I’ll try to provide a list and a little comment, as I split my obsessions into various categories. 

At 11, I discovered the Sprouse twins and my object of desire went from cartoon characters to actors. I was known as “the Sprouse twins” girl, specifically Cole, during sixth grade. This was the first time I covered my room and locker in posters. 

A year later, we jumped dramatically and came to my obsessive emo phase. While I listened to a lot of bands, my attention was turned mostly to Pete Wentz of Fall Out Boy and Gerard Way of My Chemical Romance. (The latter I would later meet after MCR broke up when I was about 20 years old after his solo show,  and it was just as awkward as I could imagine). That’s when my room was completely covered in Fall Out Boy and My Chemical Romance posters. I wore a lot of black and those years were honestly my cringiest moments. Hey, we were all 13. 

I started to shift more from short, skinny, guyliner-wearing men and noticing tall, muscular, and handsome ones. I can pinpoint when I started to first feel sexually attracted to a man (at an appropriate age! I was going through puberty!) when I saw the trailer for Fantastic Four, and Chris Evans came out shirtless in a towel. Oh GOD what an ICONIC moment. Goodbye Sprouse Twins, hello six packs.

The summer going into high school, I saw The Dark Knight 3 times because of Christian Bale as Batman. He walked in wearing that tight black shirt and my expectations for men from there on out would never match up to Batman. Gaston from Beauty and the Beast seemed hotter now (you all know what scene I’m talking about), That attraction became the strangest when I remarked to my friend that Ultron was pretty hot for a robot. 

Maybe that’s why I love Kylo Ren so much. He’s the combination of two of my great loves: a buff emo. 

The high school years followed a somewhat similar pattern, but mostly actors more so than musicians. To be fair, in high school Fall Out Boy broke up and didn’t get back together till I was in college, and My Chemical Romance only released one album in my four years. So during high school and college there weren't really any “emo” guys or musicians to lust over. 

Now in 2020 I live in Brooklyn where every man and their mother is a “musician” so the whole idea turns me off. It was fun while it lasted though, and I’ll always be an emo kid at heart. I’ve seen Fall Out Boy 7 times in the last 10 years, and I paid an insane amount of money for My Chemical Romance reunion tour tickets. 

High school was a time where everyone was entering a more mature phase of their puberty journey, and for me, that was lusting after men over the age of 30. I had a hella crush on Zachary Quinto (who I saw walk past me once in the Village and I almost pooped my pants) even though I knew he was gay. I went through a Freddie Mercury phase for a bit too, I mean, come on, that chest hair.

I had a few months lusting after Colin Farrell after seeing him in Fright Night (which I recently found out was written by my favorite Buffy writer! seventeen-year-old me foreshadowing the present). In The Phantom of the Opera I sided with the Phantom the entire time, wishing that I could be seduced through opera in a hidden Parisian cave. My mom introduced me to Ryan Gosling who became my dream man. While reading Great Gatsby I had a huge crush on Seth Meyers who I would imagine Nick Carraway as. He does sort of look like Toby McGuire? He was the first of many goofy men that would lead to John Mulaney, Rob Delaney, Nathan Fielder, Ben Wyatt, and Niles Crane. Chris Pratt still fits into that category, though he’s the perfect combination of goofy and buff. When The Avengers came out my senior year of high school, I saw it 4 times in the theater. 

The British invasion didn’t happen until my senior year and defined my college years, with posters of Tom Hiddleston, Benedict Cumberbatch, Tom Hardy, Michael Fassbender, Eddie Redmayne, and James Norton. My feet ache thinking about the times I waited in line at a movie premiere or a film set to get a glimpse of any of these gents. When I saw Benedict Cumberbatch on set in Boston my knees gave out. Domhnall Gleeson is also in that group of fine British men despite being Irish. It’s why I always have a moral dilemma whenever General Hux comes on screen in Star Wars. Twice I had a hardcore crush on Seth MacFarlane, going to the Ted 2 set living in Boston, waving to him as he got into his car. I would meet him again 3 years later when I worked on Harry, looking like a total disaster. But he said “hi” to me which sent me to cloud 9. I once waited in a lobby of a show to meet Lee Pace even though I didn’t see the show. 

All of these men at one point adorned my room, desktop background, dorm room (which was covered in posters, no wonder I rarely ever had a boy in there), and phone background. Today my phone background is the throne room scene of Rey and Kylo in The Last Jedi. Why do you think I had Tweedy Bird on my hat? I need my obsession with me at all times and I want the world to see. 

(Thank God tattoos are expensive and I was too young to get them during my hardcore obsessions. Imagine if I had a giant Total Drama Island tattoo on my back? I shudder.) 

While a lot of the attraction for these men was based on personality, looks, and accents, I also have a tendency to become enamoured with villains and dark characters. In 1999 I was in the movie theater seeing The Phantom Menace. Up until that point, there were virtually no children featured in Star Wars films, so when a young Anakin Skywalker graced the screen, my five-year-old heart would not stop beating. I loved him so much, I carried a Pepsi bottle with his image on it everywhere I went. I slept with it. My comfort blanket was a Pepsi bottle with a picture of a nine-year-old boy. 

I had the famous Phantom Menace poster with young Anakin Skywalker with the shadow of Darth Vader behind him. I distinctly remember my dad telling me in the theater, “That’s Darth Vader as a little boy.” When I saw Return of the Jedi my favorite scene was when Luke took off Vader’s mask, because you got to see Vader’s real face for the first time. That Vader actually was a human and not a monster fascinated me to the point of obsession which, as you probably have figured out, still carries over to the sequel trilogy. 

Bugs Bunny established my fanaticism, but Anakin Skywalker determined my type: men presented as villains but actually are redeemed over time. Through the years I think I’ve enjoyed getting to figure out someone. Their character is presented as one dimensional, and then even the tiniest thing that strays from that is seen as fascinating. There’s a great quote from an Adam Driver profile in the New York Times that I think encapsulates it: 

“A manner so resolute that when some emotion does manage to escape - whether through a glint in his eyes or the unpredictable undulations of his voice - that transgression can’t help but take you by surprise.” 

Now my therapist says that probably comes with my need to help and fix the real boys in my life. We both joked that our favorite character in A Haunting of Hill House was the drug-addicted little brother. 

I think it is totally unfair, because I know that I can’t personally help them... though ok, she may be a little right.

While I enjoy “complicated” from afar, it does subconsciously fulfill the need for what I can’t do in reality, which is being someone’s reason to change. Mostly through love. Turns out, in real life, it is far less romantic to be dating someone with a lot of emotional issues! Who knew! 

You decide for yourself. Here are all the fictional characters I’ve obsessed over who fit this category: 

-Kylo Ren (I mean, duh)

-Prince Zuko (the original Kylo Ren)

-The Phantom of the Opera (Thank you, Leslie Knope)

-Damon from Vampire Diaries

-Hot Priest from Fleabag (ok not a villain but he’s supposed to be a holy man and you think aw he’s never gonna...AND THEN HE DOES!) 

-Mr. Darcy (again not a villain but he was to Elizabeth at first!!!!)

-Duncan from Total Drama Island

-Draco Malfoy (that bleached blonde hair attraction still hasn’t gone away, oops)

-Spock in JJ Abrams’s last good movie Star Trek

-Spike from Buffy the Vampire Slayer (oh if my heart could beat it would break my chest, how many times have I cried over that sweet platinum blonde baby?) 

Look, I know this is all fictional and in no way real. None of these men exist and are all a fantasy. Hey, I watch You and am extremely creeped out by Joe! I don’t root for him! I also hope I don’t stay this way forever. I really don’t want to be a Twilight mom. I’ve calmed down in my old age, ok? I don’t wait in the cold for hours at a stage door anymore, and I go on real dates now. I’ve even had a few boyfriends in my days who were nothing like the men I lusted after nor did I even compare. 

I completely agree that all these men would be horrible to date! Draco Malfoy was totally a bigot and bully. Kylo Ren killed his dad, and I have a good relationship with my dad, so I can’t really relate. And yes, Spike before he got his soul is nothing to wish for in a boyfriend, even if it was fun to watch him. Kylo Ren and Spike have killed multiple people. I’m not down to date a murderer. 

One day I’ll be able to consume something I enjoy and move on after a week. Growing up, mundane suburban life was a little more interesting when you get lost in a fantasy for a while. To be focused on something other than school, work, or even your own anxieties. If anything, I think my obsessive personality towards men in particular just pushes me to look for more and to yearn for more instead of being depressed that I don’t get to live it. I don’t just settle for the first boy to like me back. I strive to one day not to marry a celebrity, a comedian, or an anthropomorphic cartoon character, but someone who makes me feel like I’m the heroine of my own show. 

For now, I’ll just wait for the Phantom to spring me into his underground lair. 

Taken 2 minutes before I published this. 

[a-random-ducktales-blog]

My thoughts on “Terror of the Terra-firmians!”

So, I’ve watched the episode once. But here are so random, unorganized thoughts about today’s episode. I’ll probably do a better, longer, more thought out post after watching the episode a few more times and such. But here’s what I think so far.

I don’t know how I’m going to really sort this, so just hang in there. Let’s begin.

Story

I thought the plot and the story of this episode were really interesting and really well done. I liked the dark kind of vibe that went on during the episode. I really can’t describe it well. But I think the whole ‘crashing train in an abandoned train tunnel thing’ really made the episode more intense and darker. I don’t know.

But I was also really happy to see an episode that focused on Huey because we haven’t had a lot of him yet. And I’m happy that Launchpad was in this episode too because he only appeared like once in The Great Dime Chase. However, no Scrooge. It’s just weird not to have Scrooge in the episodes when he is one of the main characters. And it also means that I don’t get to listen to David Tennant and I love David Tennant.

But the whole story and plot were really good.

Characters and Relationships

Let’s get this started with a duck I am not the biggest fan of and am constantly confused by:

Lena

God, I don’t know. I am really not a huge fan of Lena, as I already made clear in a past post. I’m really just sick of the ‘edgy to be edgy’ characters. Lena didn’t have to be edgy ‘black is the new black’ ‘MCR is my life’ kind of character to make the story work the same. But,  I guess if they were going for the ‘bad influence on Webby’ angle, I see why they made her like that. She really just reminds me of an OC I made while I was emo and 13 and that’s not great. She actually started growing on me slightly during this episode, but not because of me getting used to her personality, but because of her interactions with Mrs. Beakley.

Okay, so, I’ll probably decide if I actually like Lena after her whole arch is over. Now, I am very confused on where her arc is going. During the episodes, I can see the arc playing out stereotypically where Lena turns against her Aunt Magica because she actually grew to like Webby and the other residents of McDuck Manor. But the things she says to Magica change that thought slightly. Like, in this episode, she said something that I can’t remember off the top of my head but it was like “Playing the long game” or “taking the long route” but it basically implied that she was taking time for everyone to trust her so their plans can be successful. But she could just be tricking Magica. So, she really confuses me.

Honestly, I hope that the arc of Lena growing to like everyone to she turns against Magica in the end and they all get along afterward and stuff doesn’t happen. It just seems too predictable. I really do hope that Lena has absolutely no attachment to any of the main characters and is really just pure evil. No remorse or anything. I think it would be an interesting twist and would start some complex character arcs and development for Webby. You know, suffering. Like, Webby realizing that this was one of the reasons Mrs. Beakley wanted to protect Webby from the world. I would really like Lena as a character if that was the route she went down.

But there is a way I would like her as a character if she went down the turning against Magica and joining the good side arc. But I will talk about that later.

Huey

Huey is great so far, honestly.

I wasn’t so sure what he was like beforehand because we never got a Huey centric episode, but now, this episode has Huey as one of the main characters. And I really like what I’m seeing so far.

It was really interesting to see how different he is to his brothers. So far, he is very into facts. If it isn’t in the Junior Woodchuck Guidebook, he doesn’t believe it unless he sees it with his own eyes. And I find that really interesting because it makes him stand out amongst Dewey and Louie and gives him a really interesting dynamic with Webby (that I will talk about later).

I am a huge fan of the scene where the train has just crashed and Webby and Louie are looking for him and Huey is just standing under the only light that is still on. And they rush towards him and try to get him to join them so they can all get out before he’s crushed by the ceiling. But he doesn’t want to move because he knows that he’s safe under the light. He can see his guidebook, he can see what’s around him, he knows what’s going on, and even though he’s going to be crushed he says that at least he’ll know what crushes him. And I was just kind of shocked. Because I didn’t expect that. I loved it, seriously. It gave such an insight into what he was thinking and what was going on through his head at that moment. It was a really great moment and it made me like him more. He just wants to know what’s going on, he wants to be aware of the things around him and know what to expect. He just doesn’t want to risk not knowing what to expect.

The one thing I am not happy about is not seeing Huey being as mischevious and troublemaking as Dewey and Louie. Because that was the whole thing about the classic triplets; they caused trouble all the time. Besides the plan in the first episode, which the triplets all obviously planned together, we haven’t seen him cause trouble on his own. In this episode, Webby and Lena are the ones who pull him into trouble. So when we get our Huey centric episode (it was like, the third or fourth episode written but will air sometime in December, I heard), I want to see him get into his own trouble and see how he deals with it. But, amongst his brothers, I think he is the one who really plans step by step how their mischevious plans are going to happen.

But In summary, Huey was fantastic and I hope we see much more of him.

Relationships

Since the rest of the characters didn’t develop much more unless they were interacting with the other characters, I’m moving onto talking about the character's relationships and interactions.

Dewey and Launchpad

Okay, so these two really provided the humor in this episode. They were hilarious.

My favorite scene with these two was the one where Launchpad was fixing the train so they could somehow get out of the subway tunnels. Launchpad at that point believed that Dewey was a mole person from the movie they just saw and Dewey was sick of it. So Launchpad kept talking about loving the dirt and hating the sunlight, you know because mole people and then asking Dewey if he agreed. Dewey was slightly confused at first, but as soon as Launchpad started thinking out loud about believing that Dewey is a mole person and getting him to confess unknowingly. Again, I don’t remember what he said that well. And Dewey just looked completely done the whole time. It was really funny.

The one thing in that scene that stuck out to me was Launchpad calling Dewey his best friend. Now I don’t know when this happened and I know the episodes are airing out of order so something might be missing, but I really thought it was adorable. This was one of the ‘awe’ moments in the episode and I was just really happy. Like, they have never hung out before on, but thinking about it and thinking about their personalities makes me think that they would get along well, even if it looks like Dewey is kind of annoyed by Launchpad in this episode. But I think it would be an interesting friendship to see more of. Especially since they were so funny together.

Mrs. Beakley and Lena

At first, I really didn't like the way Lena treated Mrs. Beakley. Because of course, Mrs. Beakley doesn’t trust Lena, but Lena isn’t doing anything to show Mrs. Beakley that she is trustworthy and is just complaining about it.

But during the episode, I seemed to like their interactions more. Especially the end when Mrs. Beakley decided that it was okay for Lena to hang around. But mostly because of what I imagine could happen.

Now, I was talking about Lena turning against Magica at the end of that whole arc and being a good guy afterward and how I didn’t want that. But, I have an idea in mind. Now clearly, Lena has some kind of not great past. She’s edgy AF and her aunt is Magica de Spell so obviously something happened in her past. But I think it would be a nice turn to see Lena spending more time around Webby and then spending more time around Mrs. Beakley. It would be really cool to see Lena have a good parental figure like Mrs. Beakley in her life and see how she would change. And since I think that Lena and Webby have this chemistry that an older sister and younger sister would have (maybe. I mean, that’s what I see but I just have a younger brother so I don’t know for sure) it would be an interesting dynamic.

That’s really all I have to say about them. I want to see how this turns out and if Mrs. Beakley starts picking up on Lena and Magica’s plan as it starts intensifying.

Huey and Webby

I don’t know what I expected to see when these two finally got to spend an episode together.

I already have my opinions on the relationships Webby has with the other two boys. I think Webby and Dewey would make a really great adventuring team that solve mysteries especially like the mystery of Della Duck. I see them like Dipper and Mable from Gravity Falls. Webby and Louie are strange as in I didn’t expect them to have such good chemistry. I don’t know, but in the first episode, I really enjoyed all of the scenes where they interacted with that whole story about lying to Mrs. Beakley and somehow they have personalities that are opposite enough to compliment each other. I’ll probably make a whole long post about what I think about the triplet’s friendship with Webby and go into more detail. But right now, back to Huey and Webby,

Again, I didn’t know what to expect. I thought that she would get along with Huey quite well. I could totally see Huey acting like the older brother he is and treating Webby the way he treats his brothers. We’ve seen him take that role in the other episodes. For example, comforting Louie after he was just attacked by Lena during “The Beagle Birthday Massacre” though it was played up for comedic effect. But, I totally expected Huey and Webby to have that kind of friendship where they’re basically brother and sister.

So I was surprised when they were basically arguing the whole time, pleasantly surprised. It was interesting. I liked how they were just conflicted the whole time with Webby insisting that Terra-firmians were real and Huey arguing that they’re not in the handbook so they’re not real. And I could see them arguing like this about things that may or may not be real during the series. It would provide a really interesting dynamic for the show. I hope that we get to see more of these interactions between them.

And again, I really like that scene I mentioned with Huey earlier. And I don’t remember what Webby exactly said to him during that scene because I was still thinking about Huey’s whole freaking out thing that I kept going on about earlier, but I remember thinking that the moment was really sweet. And I don’t know, I just really liked it.

Honorable mention: Louie

Louie is my favorite out of the triplets so I wanted to talk about him just a little bit. I thought he was a good background addition for the episode. It was better than not having him there at all. He made me laugh a lot in the episode, but I’ll go over that more when I talk about the humor in the episode. But yeah, that’s all I really have to say about Louie for right now.

Villians

The Terra-firmians

Are they really the villains? I don’t think so. I really wasn’t impressed by them at the end and kind of just cringed when I saw that they were like the kids but just terra-firmians. There was a red one, a green one, a blue one, a pink one, and a grey one and they happened to be standing just across from the one kid who is wearing the same color clothes as their respective fury colors. I liked them more when they were red-eyed and crushing things.

Now, let’s talk actual villains.

Magica De Spell

I was really excited when I found out that David Tennant was going to be the voice of Scrooge McDuck. Because he’s my celebrity crush and I completely adore him.

So just imagine how ecstatic I was when I found out that Cathrine Tate was the voice of Magica De Spell.

I really love Doctor Who and so hearing about David Tennant and Cathrine Tate working together on a show again, especially one that I am so enthusiastic again, made my whole freaking life. Like, I’m so happy. I’m basically crying.

Anyway, enough about the voice actors. Let’s talk Magica.

I don’t know what’s going on with Magica and since I only have the basic knowledge about the classic Ducktales series from the late 80s, I don’t know what could be going on with Magica. But I am really excited to see what’s about to happen and what her plans with Lena are. I am just super excited for what’s to come with her because I know she’s a fan favorite from the classic series and her voice actress played one of my favorite Doctor Who companions so, so far Magica gets a million thumbs up from me.

The Humor

The humor in this episode was really good. I especially liked Launchpad’s moments. Usually, random humor like his doesn’t really appeal to me, but Launchpad really makes me crack up.

I have a couple of my favorite Launchpad joke moments. The first one is where Mrs. Beakley telling Lena that she’s looking over four children and a man-child and Launchpad freaking out in the background saying something like, “Manchild? Where?” I may have not heard it right because I started cracking up.

Another one was just his whole thinking aloud scene with Dewey. I kept like, cringing and laughing at the same time. And Dewey’s annoyed ‘I am so done with this’ look made it all even better.

I also really liked the part where Launchpad is complimenting being a mole person himself and if they can actually be good and then deciding that he is a proud mole person and that he really likes the dark subway tunnel, only to like, a minute later change his mind after Mrs. Beakley tells him that he’s not a mole person and he just goes, “Yeah, that makes sense.”

And Louie. Louie was hilarious. I loved how he was just like, eating popcorn the whole time. And I liked how he was just sitting there watching Webby and Huey arguing because it was more entertaining than the movie. And I think the best moment was his reaction to that sweet moment between Webby and Huey that I talked about earlier when he teared up and pulled out a single piece of popcorn. It was really funny.

But I think that the humor in this episode was really good like it is in most of the episodes.

The Ending

I wasn’t really that impressed with the ending. I kind of expected a lot more since the whole episode was about finding the terra-firmians. But they just saw the terra-firmians. Huey and the red terra-firmian touched fingers and then the terra-firmians just smashed through the wall and conveniently let them out. I don’t know, besides that scene between Mrs. Beakley and Lena and then Lena and Magica, the ending was a little disappointing. But the rest of the episode made up for that.

So that’s what I thought of the episode. I might try to do a more organized version of this but this is what I thought of this episode in an unorganized random style. And if you want me to do this kind of post with the other episodes, let me know.

Bye.