#might delete later idk just wanted to get it off my chest

[colourfulmes]

Bit if a ramble here idk don’t mind this but

The people who constantly ask from creators one singular thing bother me, it’s been happening a lot from Eggsmr with hazbin hotel fans begging him to make more Lucifer x listener ASMR Even though he’s ALREADY MADE 4 PARTS and said he wasn’t gonna do anymore, please be glad you got 4!!!

So much demand has caused him to state that he doesn’t feel like making anymore of character impressions/ASMRs and that sucks for the people who enjoy those but also Egg himself-

I’ve seen this type of stuff before, especially within fandoms such as NWTB, back when Nate was grinding pulling out so many FNAF songs just to please people and fans that he got sick of it, he only uses the FNAF brand to post music because he knows fandom music is the only thing that’ll reach to the audience and algorithm

Like, fuck YouTube for shadowbanning his ass to only make fandom music but I’d love to hear more original stuff not only from Eggsmr and Nate but other creators too!

As much as I love making fandom content and obsessing over my goobers, please respect others wishes on wanting to make their own original stuff, their things are just as good as the fandom things!!!!

[avas-snazzical-corner]

Y'know what, I don't care if nobody gives a shit about my feelings, I just need to vent this out

So if you care about my pathetic love life, then continue reading. I have a lot I wanna get off my chest. But I know it'll probably be ignored, but go on if you wish to. I'm not using names because I don't want to cause problems of course, so if I'm referring to someone, then it's gonna be vague.

I don't know when it began, but I knew it was bad when I began to see you differently. I saw you in ways I didn't see others. I knew it wasn't right to feel the way I did about you, but I couldn't stop myself. I was scared when I realized it, and I still am because every time I see it, I'm reminded of my feelings for you.

I love you.

I know I'll never hear you say those words to me the way I desire. I know no matter how much you say you love me, it won't be the way I love you. I'm trying hard to accept that, because I'm scared of ruining what we have. I'm scared you'll think I'm gross and never want to associate with me ever again.

I'm scared you'll push me away, and be uncomfortable being around me if you knew how I felt.

I'm happy for you and your love, but the pain is great whenever I see you both, happy to be together when it could have maybe been me. I wish it had been me. I hurt when I see you two together, but I don't dare to show it or be jealous of it because I wanna be supportive, but in the end, it does nothing to undo the pain of wondering what could have been.

I want you to be happy. It's what I've always wanted for you despite the circumstances. My stupid feelings never got in the way of that. If you were happy, I was happy too.

I try to forget I ever loved you like that. I knew you wouldn't feel the same. I know for a fact you wouldn't. It hurts, and every time I see you with your beloved, the pain only deepens, and the memories get fresher. I feel pain when you say how much you love them, how you wanna be with them when the proper time comes.

I feel discarded, because that's how I feel about you.

It's poisonous thinking, self destructive even, to try and be what can't ever be, but it's difficult to resist when the pain is so grand.

I cry as I type, afraid of the day I finally speak up, and am told no. Not harshly, probably, but rejection always hurt no matter how easy you lay it on someone.

I'm not ready for that. I want to keep our bond strong, but I'm scared my unrequited love will get in the way of it.

I don't want to be discarded, yet I feel I am. I feel like I'm forgotten about most of the time, and my mind always jumps to conclusions and says "you're probably off with **** again, yeah, discard me would you?"

It makes me bitter and jealous that I'm with no one like that, someone a person would prioritize, but this part is fueled by petty jealousy and should be taken with a grain of salt or two.

So, in the end, I'll keep living this double life of sorts, if it means you and I are happy, and that my feelings don't get in the way. I don't wanna lose you. But if the truth comes out, I know I will, or you won't see me the same way as before.

If you've read this far, I appreciate it. It feels good to know someone actually cares enough to listen to me pouring my heart out.

So, to conclude it all, I love you.

I love you more than words can say.

I love you and wished you loved me too.

But I know you don't. You never will. Not like that.

But I love you. And I'll do it until there's nothing left of my already broken heart. I'll continue to give every shard to you until there's nothing left to give, knowing I won't get anything back.

I love you.

I always will.

No matter how much it hurts.

I love you.

[elliesgaymachete]

I am enjoying pjo series a lot so far, but most of the casting for the gods is kinda….mid? Like besides Mr D and I know we’ve got Zeus coming up (���) but ares and hephasteus this ep were good they were just. Kinda basic?

[a-girl-named-angel]

PSA;

If I’ve followed you recently and I come off as awkward with my attempts at small talk. I need y’all to know something about me.

I’m autistic.

Not like self diagnosed over videos on the internet bs. Like I’ve considered this for years before looking to see a professional opinion and diagnosis.

I can’t people well. At. All. Despite my human me wanting connection and friendships, making that approach is like making me walk on hot coals. All I can do is show you what I’m into atm and hope you know what I mean.

So please know that I don’t mean to be odd when I talk about my latest obsession. I just don’t know what else to say. I want to make friends with you like no tomorrow. But this is the best I can do.

Sorry I’ve been on a follow streak and just felt the need to let this off my chest.

[smol-bean-of-the-smols]

hehe... nothing quite like finding out an artist that you liked but never got around to following very likely blocked you because clicking on their blog takes you to the ghost blog screen,,,,

[witchwhaat]

so ummm.

what if i signed up for a new ba degree course?😶 it's kind of eating me alive bc i'm not really enjoying my masters and i still have no idea what the fuck am i even doing there and if i'll even finish it. but on the other hand when i think about having to go through recruitment process again and then about having to start completely new with new people again i feel a little sick. there's still no guarantee that i'll even get in but. but what if i do. and today is the last day to sign up. and i don't feel like i've thought it through enough which was my mistake with the masters and i don't want to do the same dumb thing again 🙃

but on the other other hand, 3 years will pass anyway and i might at least try doing smth about this? idk IDK!!!!!

[sun-marie]

....

[vampiredraws]

.

[mochinoridgcg]

This is a really stupid idea like an actual one but I have to get it off my chest cause it's like what near the middle of the night and I've been thinking about it for a while.So we all know that drakkne near the end of the show has his flower powers,I'm not sure to what extent these powers go but from multiple scenes it's pretty clear he can form any type of flowers he wants.

Stay with me here right.If this man can grow any flower he wants this guy can do practically highly illegal things,like idk drug buisness.Its really stupid I might delete this later but whatever.Ive been doing research on random flowers and how like to use them on medicine and I stumbled upon one specific flower called the angel/devil trumpet,not only is it illegal if I'm correct,but it causes hallucinations,can knock someone out for 24 hrs or make them into a very vulnerable zombie like state,not only that it's poisonous to consume.So if these flowers are pretty much used as hallucinagents and mind you there's probably more flowers like these that have worst or drug like affects my guy can make a side business just selling drug like flowers.Would he be willing to do this I'm pretty sure not but its a really stupid idea that been plaguing me.Sorry for making you read this.

[grimweathers]

the last post i reblogged made me think of something i’ve been stewing on lately (just personal irl stuff, not like. big philosophical stuff. basically a livejournal-esque post lol)

this is getting long but i want to get it off my chest so i’m gonna put it under a read more lol. might delete later anyway. also using fake names because i was starting to confuse myself with all the "this friend and her other friend and her other OTHER friend" lmao

disclaimer that stacy is a good friend, she’s a cishet ~ally~ etc etc, but i think (subconsciously?) she thinks gay relationships are worse than straight relationships in regards to Drama™️, and therefore worse in general, and it comes through in the way she talks about it. and it’s been bothering me a lot lately. (the word “drama” makes it sound flippant, but i mean like. all types of relationship issues of varying degrees of severity)

our mutual friend diane recently came out as bi and has been talking about trying to date women. and stacy sometimes tries to discourage diane from trying to date women at all, specifically because stacy's lesbian friends' relationship drama.

which is… weird and confusing to me, because like. cishet relationships are NOT free from drama at all?? obviously?? how many cishet men do we all know that treat their girlfriends/wives terribly? diane specifically has had a lot of horrible ex boyfriends! (as an aside she has like. THEE worst taste in men tbh. like they suck AND they're ugly. i can only hope the women she will someday maybe date are nicer.)

i think all types of people make messy choices in their quests for sex and romance..... no group's immune! or better at it than another group! idk. it feels (unintentionally) homophobic, but i also feel like… there’s an underlying assumption that dating/marrying a terrible manchild is just par for the course for straight cis women. and that’s depressing. (i also think stacy has a bit of a blind spot, because her longtime boyfriend is nice and thoughtful and not terrible).

literally later in the same conversation, stacy was talking about allison, who had rushed into marriage last year with a dude she had already been having relationship troubles with. obviously marriage did not solve this. but somehow she has wayyyyy more empathy for allison because well you don’t understand, allison has been dreaming of getting married her whole life 🥺 okay! that doesn't change the fact that her husband sucks to the point that she randomly started crying at a party he wasn't even at! and rushing into marriage with shitty dudes has happened to more than one of our mutual straight friends btw. she has all the tea on all their relationships and yet she has consistently shown more sympathy for the straight ones than the gay ones, and has consistently been like "ugh gay drama is just so crazy!" (i know the specific details of the gay drama too and i don't think they're really any worse in comparison lol. just run of the mill messy cheating and getting back with exes etc).

idk man. i probably should've said something earlier because it obviously ended up bothering me so much, but this last conversation was like 3 months ago and i feel weird bringing it up now out of the blue. maybe if it comes up again.

anyway The End. lmao @ this livejournal-esque post!!!

[chaifootsteps]

God. I was in class and remembered something. I had a falling out with someone cause of something so stupid, but it was me putting boundaries with them. As a result she, along with friends, have stalked me nonstop and constantly bad mouth me in person and online despite it being 12 years later. So, in this period of 12 years, I have had several friends she's had a falling out come and find me to try giving me "the tea". It's at the point I have everything private and deleted my IG and Twitter. Well, not long ago I went into a Starbucks and her former bestie from 3 years ago tried doing the same crap too. I won't reveal who she is or what she does, but it horrifies me that years from the incident, people still actively look for me to tell me stuff she's said about me and etc. And the thing is, i want nothing to do with her or any of her former friends. I want them leaving me alone. You don't have to post this, but I truly wonder if something similar has happened to Ashley. I've tried a lot to forget this person, but it's been hard when every chance someone gets they find me to tell me drama. I use to make statements online asking people to stop, but no one has. I know everyone talks about what a hate boner she has, but I wonder if it'll continue going on for so many years to come. I remember making a "get off my chest" post and people had said that seems like she has an untreated mental illness or she's just a pure narcissist if over 10 years later she won't stop. I just think some people are just assholes and want you to suffer. I mean, I think I've taken all the precautions for her to stop. Ok, sorry for venting. But idk, I just really wonder if something similar is happening with her.

No, I get what you're saying, and it's true.

I've never gotten a decisive, solid answer as to why Ashley's never spoken out -- whether it's out of fear for Far Fetched's future, fear of dragging other people into this, or because doing so would mean she has to talk about her personal life -- and I don't know if anyone I talk to has one either. It might be a little of all of it. But I think part of it is as simple as what you're talking about here...she wants to get on with her life and enjoy all the good things coming her way and never have to think about Vivienne Medrano again.

The problem is, Ashley and Michael are probably in the best position of anyone to stop this madness. Vivzie's hurt so many vulnerable people and is on track to hurt a whole lot more and she gets away with it because everyone's so afraid of her and her lunatic fandom.

It's got to stop. Someone's got to say something, and ideally, someone big enough that people will listen.

[wearequeer-andwearehere]

I am so sorry if this may sound ignorant (I have been doing online school for about 3 years now and havent really been around many people my age for a while so I don't know if this plays into my question or not)

I have 2 questions

1. I use the pronouns she/her (it's just what I have always been comfortable with) but I prefer to were more masc or boy stereotypical clothing I guess you could say. Now I do like girl clothes but not as much. I think im just confused if it's a body thing or a gender thing because I like masc clothes so much since they just fit my body better I definitely feel more comfortable in them, but I also like to wear fem presenting clothes as well that may be more form fitting. And you know sometimes I want to put on a suit and strut around in it and sometimes I want to put on a dress it just depends.

2. I am very confused about my sexuality lol. I don't think I realized people could even be more than what society had already deemed as normal and around the age I would have probably began to explore my sexuality covid hit and everything went online. (For reference I am about to turn 16 and would have been 13 when the pandemic hit) I feel the same when I see an attractive female as I would an attractive male (this goes for anyone really if I find them attractive I can feel attraction to them, whether it's a platonic, romantic, or sexual attraction genuinely don't know) I also am fine reading sex scenes but whenever people talk about it in person or if I watch it on tv that's when I get uncomfy and I genuinely can't see myself having sex with someone (idk if that will change or not) but im fine with seeing myself being in a relationship and cuddling expressing my love for a person and sometimes kissing (it depends)

I am so sorry that this was sooo long and all over the place my brain is all messy when I don't plan things out before I write or say anything, and you don't have to answer of course this was just me ranting about how I have no clear thoughts as to who I am yet and it feels good to get it off my chest lt even if you don't answer or even see this.

Thank you genuinely it feels good to talk.

No need to apologise!! I’m here for u :] That’s good, I’m glad writing this ask helped you feel better—try and write shit down sometimes, even if it’s just hastily typed into a google doc and immediately deleted. Shit’s magic honestly.

Preferring or liking masculine clothing doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re transgender. Like obviously it’s a possibility but it’s not like, oh I like pants instead of skirts that means I’m a guy!! You could be trans or you could just be a girl who likes different types of clothing.

My advice is like, don’t sweat it too much, and just do what makes you happy. If you like masculine clothing, fucking go for it!!! I’m sure you’ll slay 100%!! If you wanna wear form fitting stuff, go for that too!! Just. Do what makes you feel like yourself, and do what makes you feel happy, don’t worry about labels and am-i-trans-am-i-cis and all that, kay? Just Vibe!!!!!!

I’d suggest you consider mspec labels, which means attraction to multiple genders, labels like bisexual and pansexual, or just plain old bi and pan might be good for you!!

You can look into the asexual spectrum, which is basically all sexualities that aren’t like 100% allosexual (allosexual means like. most of the population and how they experience sexual attraction.)

Yes, attraction can be confusing. And yes, it’s possible the stuff you feel might change. Maybe you’ll feel sexual attraction someday, or maybe you never will!!

But go with what you like *now.* If bi feels good, go for bi! If asexual feels good, go for it. If you wanna change it later, that’s okay!!

I’m gonna give you my standard new shoe advice—yknow when you have rlly shitty old shoes but you’re used to them, and when you get new shoes you’re like wtf these are really weird, but then you eventually realise they’re much more comfy and you were just used to the shitty old ones?

New labels can be kind of like that. So like, if u try a label and it feels Weird, ask yourself if the weird is a “this is the wrong shoe size” weird or a “i need to break this shoe in” weird.

Hope I could help you out!! Sending my love, and I hope you find what makes you feel happy and feel like yourself!! Have an amazing day <333

[dteamain]

Do you need to rant and get something off of your chest? Even if you delete it later, it might help with whatever you’re feeling/going through. Know I’m keeping you in my thoughts and sending some virtual love💖💖💖

aww ty 💗

rant below

idk just having an off day but it's mostly my fault

like i haven't worn my glasses for six months so i have an insane migraine which i guess could have been avoided idk but i'm just a little annoyed bc the person who i was complaining to had one response everytime: it's your fault

'i have a headache' wear your glasses, it's your fault

' had a busy day' schedule better it's your fault

'all our friends are arguing' it's your fault

like just one time i would like to hear 'oh wow that sucks' or like some kind of sympathy

and everyone's mad at me for going on a spontaneous snowboard trip last weekend i just can't win all my friends are pissed because i moved out of the city and i haven't seen them in a while and everytime i'm in the city for a couple hours and they find out they start making me feel guilty about it despite the fact that my mom has been sick and most times i drive into the city i'm doing non stop errands and spending hours in the hospital helping my mom and they just don't understand the toll it has taken on me. just two weekends ago i had a bunch of plans set up for my birthday on the weekend that i had to completely cancel i was sick and then literally on the friday i drove into the city right after work brought my dog to my parents went straight to the hospital stayed with my mom until 9 drove home feed all the dogs woke up at 5 am to drive my grandma to a 7 am appointment across the city picked up groceries for my dad (some stuff for my mom at the hospital) picked my grandma back up and brought her to visit my mom dropped my grandma back home and picked up lunch for my mom went back to the hospital to give her lunch help her shower and take a walk for physio stay until my dad got off work around 5 went home to let the dogs out while my dad was at the hospital (he literally works all day then goes straight to the hospital so the dogs need out) feed the dogs meal prep so my dad has stuff to bring my mom everyday at the hospital and by that time it was around 9 then i drove home and got home at 11 pm. and was so sick the next day and all my friends fucking complained that i didn't do anything with them as if i wasn't also upset that i didn't get to celebrate my own fucking birthday bc my mom is ill and my family is busy and i'm sick. then the one fucking weekend i don't have to worry about my mom and i have an amazing fucking time it's ruined bc nobody can be happy for me. they are all mad that i picked a certain friend to hang out with and not them and now they want me to go into the city this weekend but it's maybe the first fucking weekend in two or three months that i don't HAVE to drive into the city so i said i didn't want to and of course they are pissed but like fucking drive to me or something idk. anyway that text i posted he literally says 'we'll see you this weekend' as if i didn't just say i didn't want to come. i want to kill someone. also i just know i'm getting my period so maybe that's why i am moody idk

thanks for the rant though i needed that

[seiwas]

SAW YOUR POST ON THE COMFORT DRABBLE AND SO I SHALL CATER MY IWA THOUGHT OF THE DAY!! (also idk if like something happened or what but you don’t show up in search as like an option and it kinda freaked me out cause i thought you deleted your blog and i was like but my iwa thought T-T sorry that probably came off so mean nahdjnsns I HOPE YOURE DOING WELL and eating lots of yummy food and drinking plenty of water!! and no, tea and coffee don’t count!)

wow that got really long BUT ANYWAY uhhh iwa thought of the day, comfort vers.:

watching a movie/show with iwa and you’re snuggled against his chest, his hand finds that spot in your hair, scratching softly, as the other holds you close to him. his warmth radiating off his body and all is well

and then you get that wave of sadness, or something just feels off, and at first he doesn’t notice (he got too into the plot, can you blame him 😭😭) but when he laughs and makes a comment and you only half-heartedly reply, sirens are blaring in his head

“what’s wrong, baby?” he’s asking you, kissing your temple and holding you closer and when you shrug, trying to play it off, he doesn’t let you and so now you just have his full attention. bodies facing each other now, he pulls you in to a proper hug, his hand gliding down your spine and rubbing gentle circles on the small of your back, and he doesn’t say anything for a while, mainly focused on wanting you to feel better, but also knowing that you’d tell him when you’re ready and he’s more than willing to wait

and when you tell him, he listens, still rubbing circles, still turning his head to kiss your cheek or forehead or whatever is in reach, and he listens until you finish talking and he simply nods, he understands, he’ll call that person who did you wrong a bitch and he’ll curse your mean manager with you and he’ll help you study better for your next midterm. but for now, he’s offering his presence and for now that is more than enough :3

(and he won’t let you go until you give him a sweet kiss and that dazzling smile of yours that he knows he can never get tired of seeing)

but as always, bolder and surer iwa lives in my head and the rent he pays are him strolling around in the hallways either shirtless with loose sweats or that black muscle shirt he loves so much

oh koi you are so sweet 🥺 thank you for dropping by w comfort iwa 🥺 i appreciate u so much! (and yeah tumblr has been super glitchy for me since yesterday 😭 dk if that’s why i won’t appear on search but dw! i am here!! drinking lots of water hehe)

☹️ oh iwa is so sweet i am sniffling ☹️ he’d give the best hugs he would!!! always warm, and big, and weighted, and substantial 🥺 and the back rubbing too oh 🥺 koi 🥺🥺🥺 he rlly would be the type to listen and wait until you’re done (then try to do smth abt it later on, maybe even without you knowing, just so you can finally rest) 🥺🥺🥺 i need him neeeooooww ☹️

ANKSNDEIJDKEJD AND THE BOLDER IWA HELP 😭😭😭 tbh seeing him might fix everything too 😭😭😭😭 all thoughts gone just iwaizumi hajime in a black compression shirt shaking his protein bottle… forearms flexing… gODDDDD

thank u so much koi this rlly helped me feel better! u r so sweet and thoughtful 🥺

[emeraldbabygirl]

This has been in my drafts and I am constantly thinking about this and I’m just gonna post it cause I wanna get it off my chest. Might delete later and Idk if it’s gonna like offend anyone cause can’t predict nothing no more about what people find offensive but hey if you read it you read and I cannot control the feelings of others this is just something that has been bothering me for like a few years and I just wanted to get it out and I guess since tumblr is my new diary...

I’ve been filling out white and alaskan native/American Indian on every health paper ever since I was a child, I’ve always done it my sibling and mum have always done it. I grew up believing I had Native American in me, yet I was somehow ashamed that I was native I thought I would get made fun of or that I was a joke. Now that I’m older I’m still a joke. I thought that if it was in my blood and in my ancestry then it mattered and it was better than nothing but it’s not. I’m trying so desperately to belong because I’m tired of being seen as white I got tired of the comments and feeling bad about my skin color and tired of all the things I see in the media and read about that I thought I’ll just unofficially identify as Native American and learn more about natives, as I grew up in a white family. But there’s no point. I grew up in a white family I am white, I have pale skin and blue eyes and dark blonde hair. My mum has dark skin but brown hair and blue eyes. She and my brother have thick hair, I have a great aunt with thick hair and what my mum and I call an Indian nose along with my mum, my great uncle had brown eyes and thick black hair my father’s mum thought she was Native American and had all these art pieces and statues of natives but no one on my father’s side was native. He always said he had German and Irish on his side while my mum had Indian on her’s, she just recently found out she had some Portuguese and black somewhere further down the line, her great great grandfather (idk how many greats) was born and raised on a flathead reservation, Idk which one, my mum’s great aunt tried to go to one of the tribes in Missouri but they wouldn’t let her in, my mum was told the flathead tribes were in Montana and then I find out there’s Salish tribes up in Washington. I have a friend who is Cherekee Indian and she has visited the reservations a lot, she’s got brown hair and brown eyes and darker skin than me, she has Indian pieces passed down or handed to her from her tribes, she’s met with one of the Salish tribes chief up in Washington. I have done none of that I am the stereotypical “white girl who goes to Starbucks” for years I never once thought about my skin color or my race in a bad way I just thought I was mixed with many things but the past 3-4 years I’ve been shoving this Native American blood or whatever you want to call it down my own throat because I hated my skin I hated being white I hated being called white and I wanted to belong. I wanted to be proud of myself in any way I could. I started to braid my hair more often because it made me happy, I bought a book written by a Native American, I got sweatshirts with tribe names on them I followed natives online I felt like I was in a spot where I belonged for once that I was comfortable again with who I was I was learning more about flatheads and all kinds of things I was looking at native products online and watching videos on how to do stuff like beading and making frybread, I was making frybread for the first time in my life, my mum had been wanting to make it for awhile I was doing all this stuff cause I thought it was helping and making me feel better and proud of who I am and it’s done the exact opposite. I spent 21 years of my life having never stepped foot on a reservation, having never learned how to bead or make frybread or go to a powwow, (and I’ve always always wanted to go to one), I know few things about Native Americans and their cultures compared to people who are actually Native American, compared to people who are aware of the cultures and beliefs, aware of what their people went through, their people not my people, I was calling them my people, my mum is 1/16 native yet has native features, if only it would’ve been kept in the family then maybe I’d look the part but it didn’t all my ancestors mixed and the ending result is what I’ve always been; white. I hate it. I wish I wasn’t white I wish I had a culture and a way of life I wish I had something to be proud of I wish I had people that I was around to teach me everything I wish I belonged,

I wish I knew the history and was able to see things differently. The reason I don’t always agree with things involving native Americans, like why dressing up as one for Halloween is wrong or why it’s important that the tribes get their land back is because I am not them. Other then my supposed native family I’ve seen two other people that I could tell were truly native. If I say “oh it doesn’t matter if I don’t look it I am” or “it’s in my blood therefore I am” but it’s more than that it’s about the way you live the things you stick up for the people you surround yourself with it’s much more then the color of your skin or deciding to not celebrate thanksgiving anymore and all of a sudden make frybread cause you want to claim you’re native. Just because it’s in my families past doesn’t mean it’s still around. I’m like 00000000.1% native and I literally know next to nothing compared to people who are 100% or even 50%. And I want to learn I want to learn how to make frybread or bead or speak in a native language I want to be around other native people I want to hear stories and traditions from others I want to learn about the history and the culture I want to belong but I don’t think I should. Even my brother calls us white and asks me why I’m on a “Native American kick” or why I’m “obsessed with native Americans all of a sudden” i just wanted to feel good about myself and feel like I belong so I grabbed that 000000000.1% and ran with it. Ran right off a cliff tbh. I don’t think I should be calling myself Native American if I don’t know next to nothing about them. I don’t think I should be trying to be someone I’m clearly not. I’m just the same loser I was when I was a kid. And I feel even more stupid for wanting to name the kittens Salish and aponi (because it looks like one of the kittens has a butterfly on her face) and for wanting the company jacket that I might not even get to say Salish on the back instead of my name, I am not part of the Salish tribe I have no card I have no certificate I have nothing, I put mmiw and Salish and flathead in my bios on my social medias and it’s basically a lie I mean I know about mmiw and what it stands for but how can I support something like that if I know nothing about it and I’m not native. I’m just for some reason faking the past two years of my life I’m just a total loser bro. I think maybe I’d rather just be unalive. Or like I’ll hear parts in songs or see idols doing something that Native American might find offensive and wrong I I say “oh I see it as representation” or Mia and the butter of the logo change of the winter hawks or the landmarks and name that get changed that I don’t see a problem with but others do yet I’ll say that the teepee in this mv isn’t okay but I was okay with that one Tara mv or I was okay with gildes fire performance but not seungri wearing a headdress or that I find people making and selling headdresses online isn’t okay but me wanting to have one even tho I know you don’t just get one of buy one like all these things that I see “differently” it’s just that I don’t understand because I’m not native enough or not at all or the whole hair argument that’s been bothering me for like a year now that I still don’t understand and why Native American are totally ok with it but it seems like the rest of their culture is something they don’t want to share.

[spaceytrash]

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