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flying-elliska · 3 years

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Hey Flying Elliska, I've been following your work on AO3, the skam-related pieces specifically, they're my absolute favorites and I've been meaning to ask for a long time now: Are you writing for a living? Where do you have your skill from? Did you study writing or does it come naturally to you? I'm asking because I'm writing as well, but in German, but I have nowhere near your vividness (?) if that's a thing :) How do you make the characters so real? Anyway big kudos to you, greetings :)

Hi 😁💙 thank you for telling me this, it warms my very cold heart (it's cold because I've been biking outside for hours, not because of any particular disposition 😂)

I am not writing for a living yet but it's definitely in the works. I didn't study writing, I've just been obsessed with stories for a very long time and have known I needed to write for as long as I can remember. If I had to give any advice on how to make characters "real" :

- reading about psychology in general is a good thing, it's one of my interests and I think it helped me w characters ; I did study social sciences and that helps too to create characters that feel anchored in their world and make sense in their context ; people are not the way they are for no reason

- it's good to have a writer's mind ; to observe and pay attention to the world around you through the filter of how you could use this in a story ; when it comes to people, patterns of dialogue, atmospheres, the ways they express their personality in mannerisms and style, signs of emotion, body language, etc. But more than that it's about paying attention to what impact the world has on you, or what impact it could have on a character, and how you could use this - tying things in the environment to emotions, sensations. Having wet feet because you stepped in a puddle is a great way to underline your character feel clumsy miserable. Golden light hitting through a window can make everything look special and enchanted. Ugly carpet on tram seats can irritate a character visually and make them think about annoying things in their lives. I think the most vivid characters are deeply embodied creatures ; writing them requires knowing how they would react to the world in a sensory way and in thoughts - are they sensitive and easily overwhelmed ? Are they numb and seeking thrills ? Are they a poet who find beauty in the little things ? Are they more of a utilitarian ? When writing falls flat it can often be because of "white room syndrome" where characters could very well be bubbles floating in a white room because the focus is only on what they think and say.

- in relation to that if you don't already I would suggest keeping a diary ; you are your own first subject and keeping track of your thoughts, figuring out how your emotions work and feel, and so on, can give you material later. Plus it can be practice in observing the world and writing down interesting ideas. I have been keeping a diary mostly continuously since I was 13 and it's really helped me find my voice

- I have been doing these writing exercises for a while now where I pick an emotion/sensation and I write down all the associated vocabulary I can think of ; basic descriptions, but also metaphors, both internal and external cues - how would it look from the outside ? How would it feel from the inside ? And also thinking about the subtypes of a particular emotion. So anger can be a slow, simmering rage turned inwards that can feel corrosive like acid, and is barely visible from the outside apart from a clenched jaw and a cold look ; or it can be like a swarm of hornets that makes the person red and incohesive, or a clap of lightning that is loud and expressive but quickly gone, etc. Or happiness can be sunny and slow like wildflower honey, or it can be sudden and giggly and make you lightheaded like helium gas, or it can be the satisfying glow of a crackling fire in a big hearth and velvet slippers after a long day at work, or it can be like the uncertain rush of new relationships that feel like looking down from the plane and wondering if your parachute is well attached, etc. You can also consider how different emotions can play into each other, if maybe there are emotions you know that are rarely named, etc. It's a good way of stretching yr legs and broadening your range, bc descriptions of emotions can easily become stale.

- It's also a good thing to do for specific characters who would have peculiar way of expressing certain emotions, and have certain emotional states that are frequent for them. For instance, in my Diamants fic, one of Lucas's baseline emotions is a cold, calculating, ruthless determination associated with metaphors of sharpness, combustion/(molten)metal, and speed, that is motivated by anger and devotion and has something a little bit inhuman to it ; Eliott's is a very observant thoughtfulness tinted with melancholy, something kind and loving that is difficult to express and always on the edge of vanishing, associated with plant life, distant half remembered melodies and abandoned places. For every important character it's good to have an idea of a "dominant emotional palette" ; being consistent with metaphors also make the characters feel more cohesive.

- this is pretty basic but in general it's good to always remember what your characters want and what drives them, both in a specific scene and in general.

- also it's good to be on the lookout for filler ; sometimes there are things you know about the character that are not important for the reader to know ; like what they ate earlier or through which means of transportation they came home, etc. A story is not "follow your character from A to B all day", it's "let me tell you about the character doing A and then C because it had a direct impact on the general point of the story". Even slice of life realistic stories should be purposeful and selective. This is one of the biggest issues that make me lose interest in a story (especially in fic) is a writer who doesn't have a handle on that.

- also basic but just put your love and enthusiasm in there ! Your love for the concept and the story but also for other stories you loved and the things you loved and the people in your life you love ! It's all fuel !

That's what I can think about for now ! I hope it helped a little bit 😁💜 have a lovely day anon !

#on writing #writing advice #sweet people tag

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spacegaywritings · 4 years

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“Burning old Bridges and making new ones” (Oneshot)

Teen and Up // Virgil x Logan // ALL sides appear (Janus and Remus only vaguely)

Summary: Logan is tired of the light sides, not being listened to. He cannot handle the utter irrationality his co-sides display when trying to manage some of Thomas’ deepest issues. In frustration, he slowly starts to turn away to them, and open the doors for others.

Tags: invalidation, not listening to one another, slight logan angst, hurt and comfort, analogical, Patton and Roman are too fantastic, thomas, sides au, dark side Virgil, illusions, (which is kind of gaslighty!!), alternating environments, mentions of blood, metaphors of blood etc, crying, tears, heart break, name reveal, ridiculing people, talking over one another, dark side Logan, converting???, calling the sides by their functions instead of names.

My KoFi - Support me ♥ or Commission me

Note: If you miss any tags, have issues with links or any other concerns, please feel free to contact me. Anon is on and my DMs are open.♥

Links broken? Inform me, please!

Story under the Cut: (Word count: ~5k)

10:24 am.

Logan sighed.

They were in Thomas’ apartment, being the helpful sides they were. Thomas had sliced them into functions, so he could better argue with his different motivations in life. Currently, he was debating on yet another issue. He was wondering about whether or not to get that subscription to a gym. On one hand, it was practical, it might motivate him to do some exercising, to work out and talk to professionals about routines and which exercises would be best for him, his body and his goals.

Roman was all for it and so was Patton.

Yet, they left out Logan, as always.

As soon as he had brought up finances, he had been called “party pooper” and “professor of unfun”. For a moment, the malicious words of “obstructing Thomas’ acting career” were aimed at him in one of Roman’s incredibly immature and uncontrolled fits.

Patton was simply up for it. He just took it, complimented the thought and said it was the best thing to do. The fact that Thomas had never held up these sorts of obligations was always shut out. The repeated intervention of Logan’s rational musings and his careful warnings of the consequences and alternatives had all been shut down.

Roman and Patton ran into one another, hugging and cheering on one another. Apparently, things were settled. Logan did not know. He had stopped listening. If he walked out on them or simply ducked out, Thomas would get upset, the others would get suspicious. There would be yet another issue to resolve around feelings, Logan’s feelings. For some days, the other sides would act as though they cared.

Until they would stop keeping up the exhaustive pretence to care even a little.

Logan shrugged the matter off, trying not to get the “HE WILL BE HERCULES! ONLY LESS GREEK!” and similar yells and cheers get to him. The completely delusional Patton and Roman had turned on him and his valuable input once more.

He was seriously tired of it.

If they only listened enough to consider his arguments - it would make him one of the most satisfied sides in the entire Thomasphere. Instead, they banned him from discussions, completely excluding him. Thomas was not ready to realise it.

The logical side disappeared up the stairs, reserved.

Feelings were all over the place. When he faded into the upstairs area, nobody questioned him, nobody held him back. They let him go, ignoring him.

Nobody paid attention.

Nobody even cared.

Thomas tried to hug his sides. It was one of the last things Logan could sense when he pulled himself out of the affair. The sounds of betrayal and ignorance were too loud in his head. It hurt, it thumped, it was agonising.

It needed to stop.

“ugh.”

At the very least, Logan’s unwilling isolation has taught him more than enough things.

As he stepped into the mindscape, he reviewed his knowledge. One foot in front of the other, a slow pace. He was crossing over to the dark side.

1. The dark and light sides were separated from one another.

2. There was no more separating them than the way Thomas imagined them to be

That meant:

A) The sides were marked by different colour schemes

And

B) The sides’ “rooms” were separated from one another in a way that “light” and “dark” sides had two different sides of one hallway.

At the moment, Logan was crossing from one side to the other. Nobody was usually in the hallway. It was just him, crossing over again and again. From one side to the other.

3. There is no need to sneak from one side to the other. Everyone is either in their own room, with Thomas or in the parts of the Imagination.

He stepped closer to one of the doors, hand rising up to the door handle. However, his hand retreated just as quickly. Instead, he remembered something crucial.

4. Every dark side had preferences to their doors and how to open them.

Logan stood tall, straightening his posture. He reached out, this time with a curled fist. Three times short, three times long, three times short again. It was the knocking signal for S.O.S. . Logan thought it to be more than ironic for “Anxiety” to have such a kind of knocking sign as preference.

The door handle disappeared, then the door opened.

5. About half of the space designated to the dark sides was imaginary.

This was supposed to ensure nobody uninvited or unwanted would invade their space. It was rather clever, Logan had to admit.

Anyway, rules aside, the door opened slowly, revealing a dimmed room. Some colourful lights seemed to stream from the glossy ceiling into the room. They danced over the floor, shifting and switching. It was a wild and uncoordinated dance but at the same time, it felt natural, following a pattern invisible to everyone’s eyes.

The floor was stone, dark and partly broken. Several parts revealed cracked areas. Through the cracks, a few flowers seemed to grow. They were lonely but strong. Every single one of them was purple, yet it were different tints of purple in every flower.

For all that was worth, it looked like an abandoned temple. Raided, forgotten.

Some chains hung from the ceiling, around the glass part in the middle. The mosaics of translucent colour-filters was somewhat spheric. The chains were occasionally strewn around that, revealing little lanterns with warm, yet weak light. They were traditionally black, or at the very least, anthracite. From one corner of the room, a bit of smoke rose, striving through the room, twirling and twisting around itself in alluring manners. Incense was burning, giving the room an oddly peaceful feeling to it, no matter how destroyed and abandoned it seemed to be.

Logan cleared his throat. His eyes were still looking for a certain side. Usually, there would be a more obvious sign of that person, but right now-

Ah, there.

Virgil was hanging up some sort of tapestry, monochrome in colour. The design looked ominous, sort of mysterious. It was a moon, a castle around it. It seemed as if there was a whole other layer of meaning to it. Logan could not even imagine it. He was bad at seeing these kinds of things. But it did not even matter. Virgil was turning around to him and Logan nodded politely, not moving until Virgil gestured for him to come in.

“Good day, Logan.”

He slowly moved inside. The door manifested right behind him. When he turned around to see it, there was a lot of stone. It was a wall. There was no door, no more. Actually, when paying closer attention to it, it seemed to be a gate. There was a little metal ring, partly embedded in the same dark and cracked stone material, for knocking.

This had to be how Virgil got out.

“Greetings, Anxiety.”

They both stood there, for a moment. Anxiety looking almost bored. The logical side was unusually quiet. Everything around him was new, confusing. No matter how often he got here, it would always strike him as absolutely novel. It was just that different from where he lived, from where he used to hang out.

“What you doing down here, again? Can’t get enough of me, yet?”

He smirked smugly.

Whenever Anxiety would join in on their conversations, he would “ruin the mood”, aggravate Roman and make Patton stiff and uncomfortable. Anxiety was the one to make them listen, to settle conversations and feelings.

He was the kind of down-to-earth Logan needed and appreciated for their group. He, for once, was inclined to include Virgil in their group. Not that the group of the “light sides” was particularly great, but it was simply for the fact that Thomas needed Virgil to have more say, if he shut down his own logic that much.

Logan felt something tingle at the start of his spine. He shivered, trying to hide away the goosebumps.

Anxiety was dressed in a simple black shirt, a red symbol all over it. It looked like a pentagram. He came closer.

“So?”

Logan swallowed, inhaling the sweet smell of fresh breezes and comfortable darkness. It smelled of earth and of cold snow. Anxiety had the most beautiful shade of brown in his eyes, out of all the other sides, they looked the most grounded and genuinely.. warm.

“Perhaps I needed your input on something.”

His words came out one by one, delicately, taking their time to unfold in Anxiety’s hearing. The edgy side rolled his eyes.

“Lies aren’t welcome here, what do you need, Logic?”

Ah, straight to the point.

It had Logan’s chest feel warm, tingly inside. It was as if he was tickled from the inside. He couldn’t help but smile. It was just a little, more like a shadow.

“It happened again.”

Anxiety’s shoulders fell a bit, tension replaced by a softer, more tender feeling. His eyes seemed to widen in empathy. He could feel Logan’s pain.

Not being heard, not being understood.

Being ignored and invalidated only, but at the same time made to feel as if it was not alright to face this truth, as if they cared more than they actually did.

He sighed.

“You can stay. Spill the beans, ‘the fuck happened?”

The two started talking. Well, Logan was mostly talking. Words cascaded out of his mouth, feelings foaming around his lips in furry and frustration. There was so much piled up and the whole stack was simply tumbled over by someone jumping around from one to the other side of his room, in nothing but black yoga pants and a rather loose punk-styled shirt. His feet were bare, as bare as Logan’s feelings when he came inside.

Every now and then, Anxiety would roll his eyes, chip in with comments like “of course” and “ah, sure, thing.” They were sarcastic, but they did not arm at hurting Logan. No, it was meant to make fun of how hypocritical and unkind the other light sides were. No matter what Anxiety contributed, it felt holy to Logan.

There was the harsh, brutal honesty in direct, raw lines. They were short, they were sharp and the dark side did not hold back even a little.

Logan wandered with him, from one corner to the other. They hung up the tapestry together. Anxiety mumbled something about Tarot cards and heavy meaning. Logan let him have it, smiling at the new information and interesting input.

His steam was off, he was calmer now.

The whole room seemed to be much friendlier, more peaceful, too. The flowers were at full blossom, the dim lights were shining in new vigour. Some of the cracks seemed to be fixed and the floor felt warmer, more inviting.

This was not an abandoned temple, it was a reclaimed sanctuary.

“Do you want to come over?”

Anxiety shook his head. However, he patted something like a table. There were blankets and pillows on top of it. Logan was not sure whether it had been there before. It looked like a bed, but the base was made of stone. He shrugged, taking it.

“For now, until I can trust you fully, you can come here and that’s it.”

Logan nodded.

He was okay with that.

His body lowered itself, automatically, already. It was as if his programming was made to listen to Anxiety, to be flexible with him and lay with him. The dark side roamed around, pulling on a chain. It set off a mechanic, unleashing some sounds. Calm music came out of the ceiling. Logan sat up a bit but Anxiety pushed him back down.

“Take a moment”, he advised. Logan nodded. He laid back down, listening to the calming, almost tangible beats. They were so soft, it was surreal. If they had disappeared at once, Logan would not have noticed either way.

Slowly, he drifted off to something Anxiety would later refer to him as “lo-fi” beats.

***

This was one of their first meetings. By now, Logan could barely remember how he had met Anxiety in the first place. He only knew he had been angry, upset by Patton’s irritating cheerfulness and pure ignorance. Any thought of this experience already pumped adrenaline and disgust through his veins.

Despite his intellectualism and his expansive vocabulary, he was incapable of describing just how sick he was of Patton and Roman completely shutting him out. They were so out-of-touch with life that it could only lead to Thomas getting hurt.

Logan sighed, pushed his thoughts aside. A tug called him into action, asking him to join yet another discussion. He could not believe it.

Still, he tried his best to be helpful, to be present. For the sake of Thomas, he tried to stay strong and persistent enough to make good points, objective points. Maybe he could at least get a word in.

Within the blink of an eye, he was in the living room with more than familiar faces. Well, they all had the same faces - it felt as if this thought was but a comment Anxiety would utter out. It was true, but why say it? Anyway, the princely and fatherly side were there, already chatting up Thomas and asking him about his issues, asking him about what was wrong.

Those were words and sentences they threw at one another, yet never at Logan. Actually, looking around, Logan realised they were not in the living room as expected. (Not anymore). Thomas was walking over to the kitchen, taking his sides with him.

“Okay, this is not too much of an issue but I feel unusually torn about it.”

Patton nodded, an encouraging smile on his face.

“We are always here to help you Thomas! Now, what’s the issue?”

Thomas seemed a bit embarrassed, shuffling his feet, avoiding eye contact. He fidgeted with his hands. If Logan did not know better, he would assume this sort of behaviour reminded him a lot of Anxiety.

Wait-

Before he could even finish thinking his thought, the ice crystals of Anxiety’s appearance could be felt. The time seemed to slow for a moment, then explode. Something in Logan seemed to wake up.

“Now, now, now. What’s this again, Thomas? Do you really think, you should be doing this? I think we can all agree it’d be best to just pack up, go back to bed and leave things like that.”

Thomas frowned.

Hands moved, fingers curling around the handle of a katana. Roman extended his arms, skilled movements exercising a threat imposed on Virgil who literally yawned in Roman’s face as if he could not be bothered to even look at him for longer than a moment without being terribly bored and disinterested.

Roman gasped, pulling back.

“You fiend!! Insulting Thomas and then me?! I am the prince! Keep in line, I am warning you!!”

Patton rushed to his side, appealing smiles on his face. They looked like hearts. Logan’s frown seemed to settle deeper into his facial skin.

When he realised Anxiety was basically next to him, he had to swallow down a gasp. Why was it so warm all of a sudden? It had to be his body balancing out the cold Anxiety would usually bring along with him. He felt strangely comfortable. Again, Logan rationalised his emotions by thinking it was simply nice to know someone was at least somewhat on his side. Having someone to balance out the extreme of Patton’s and Roman’s idiot suggestions.

“Wait a moment! How about we all take a deep breath and wait for a bit.”

Patton’s movements seemed forced when he gestured for Roman to put his sword down. His smile at Anxiety was as fake as his “logical arguments”.

Thomas looked around his sides, tentatively raising one tiny hand to greet the anxious trait. He dismissively shrugged Thomas off, looking at Roman and Patton with brooding eyes.

“Look, this is the same issue all over again. Thomas does not know how to cook and is embarrassed about it. He threw all his money out for usual shit like rent and all - and his new gym subscription - and now he does not have enough money to go get some takeout. This is all a matter of poor management of money.”

Patton gasped at the accusation.

“No!”

He composed himself, trying to contain his sudden outburst.

“Thomas can deal with it. Like a good adult, he will just move past this.”

Roman rose to the conversation, nodding.

“Yes! He will learn how to cook cheap and easy things, so we can adjust our diet!”

Patton squinted.

“What? Why? Thomas does not have the time. Okay, listen to me guys, your old daddy-do knows what to do!”

Logan groaned. Anxiety echoed the sound, seconding the emotion they shared.

“Thomas will just drop his gym subscription, then he can keep up with his meal subscription and does not have to worry about cooking or anything. We don’t want to repeat the last mistake we had in the kitchen ~”

Thomas grumbled, frustration boiling over in him. He pouted, crossing his arms in front of his chest as if to defend himself from the cruel, yet true words.

“Fine.”

Logan’s head snapped to the side. He needed to adjust, so he could look at Thomas. Previously he had been looking at Anxiety much longer than expected or than he had realised. But the speed at which he had craned his neck to the side would probably have injured him, if he was human at all.

There was a scowl all over his face. Thomas winced like a cartoon.

Logan tried very hard not to snap, or at the very least let out an extremely done sigh.

“Thomas, you cannot be serious. You have barely listened to anyone’s opinion on this matter. Can you truly say you are actually making an informed or at least a thought-through decision at this moment? I suppose it would make more sense to listen to everyone, one by one, then wage the different arguments and options and try to find the most satisfying solution to your problem. You might be acting too fast and face preventable consequences if you go o-”

Patton chimed in.

“Logan, Thomas already made his decision. He can do it. He is an adult and doesn’t need to keep thinking and thinking about everything. It will make him sad.”

Anxiety hissed out.

“Not thinking can get us killed, you want Thomas to die?”

Patton gasped.

“I would never!!”

Roman roared.

“Fiend!!”

Patton held Roman back, face slowly darkening.

“I think it is best we leave Thomas alone, now. He is an adult, he made his decision”, then he turned to Thomas, beaming like he did not know anger and pain at all. It was a terrible act but an act nonetheless. The good-hearted man tried to nod it off.

“I am proud of you, Thomas! Let’s go and get yourself some food. Remember, you got a credit card! Now that you are an adult, you can do whatever!”

Anxiety pushed forward, tempest tongue activated but Thomas already willed them away, feeling the anxiety coming on. The dark side found himself in Logan’s room, sitting on a comfortable bed, a fluffy unicorn onesie right under his butt. Before him, Logan appeared, expression unreadable.

“That was rough.”

Logan nodded, mutely. The sadness drained over him. Bit by bit, there was more emotion raining over his face. Anxiety could see the very moment Logan allowed to let the emotions flow into his heart, drown his professional appearance and attempted objectivity.

His chest ached and he got up, slowly catching the crumbling man in his arms.

“It’s okay, Logan.”

The logical trait shook his head. He could not even care about how the onesie was exposed, draped all over his bed. He did not care that the dark side was with him, in the realm of the light sides. His mind could not begin to wrap around the fact that someone else than a light side being there could potentially warp this side of the mindscape.

All he felt was the sadness ripping at his heart, squeezing his feelings and making him so sick, he wanted to vomit out blood until it was over. It felt exaggerated but also somewhat appropriate for the situation.

He had stacked up every bit of feeling, every moment of ignorance and invalidation. The sharp comments, the audacious interruptions. He was sick of it. Everything was like a load of blades he had swallowed again and again. Now it was churning inside of him, ripping him up and destroying him from the inside out.

He coughed, the feelings wanting out and his lungs too exhausted to keep up with all his pain. The repressed emotions and denied doubts all came back to him, haunting him. They were multiplied in intensity, hitting him the hardest when he was at his lowest.

Sobbing, he fell to his knees, Anxiety slowly tugging him to bed and comforting him. Time was no concept for him anymore. He measured the moments in tears and how much it hurt when his heart and lungs sobbed along with him.

Eventually, he could feel more than just his chest’s agony. There was warmth around him, distracting him from the destruction going on inside of him. Anxiety had put a soft blanket around his shoulders, patting him and applying soft pressure with his supporting arms, his uplifting hugs.

As Logan was falling, tripped over by his “friends” - Patton and Roman -, the dark side, the half-stranger was catching him, holding him up and bringing him back to his feet.

Time went by and he did not count the hours or try to keep track of the light intensifying, then dimming down until night settled in. All he knew was that the dark side held him throughout everyone, stammering every now and then, trying to offer him some tissues and cups of water.

“You have to hydrate, Lolo.”

A nickname.

He cried harder, dry-sobbing. When his emotions calmed a bit, he took the cup. His head nodded carefully and he swallowed the cooling water slowly. There was a purpose in his actions and the anxious trait carefully patted his head.

“You’re doing good. Promise.”

He hesitated for a moment but continued to talk after a small break. Logan barely noticed.

“It will get better. I will assure you that.”

Logan inhaled deeply. For a moment, he did not move. Then, he nodded.

“Thank you-”

“Uh”

The dark side interjected. He shifted softly. Logan’s head was in his lap and took the shifting as a cue to move away. Awkward. He slowly rose, rubbing his cheek. It was flat and red from how long he had rested on his knees, his thighs and lap.

“Oh, no. I , uh - fuck. Now, you are looking at me and it’s.. it’s weird again.”

He blushed, shifting away a bit. Logan’s heart skipped a beat. Hope? Panic? The friend turned away, pulling his knees close and hugging them ever so softly. He sighed, trying to steady himself.

“Are you having an attack?”

He shook his head stubbornly at Logan, yet he did not dare look at him. The logical side sighed. His eyes fell on how Anxiety pressed his lips together, afraid of sounds coming out when he was so intense, the tempest tongue would come up again. He had disclosed to Logan, in a moment of trust, that he could control it to some extent but how it would just happen that his voice started distorting itself when he lost his sense of reality, started dissociating or was otherwise in deep distress.

“I, uh - name. My name.”

Logan nodded.

6. For the dark sides, a name reveal was more than just a “big thing”. It was a tremendous vulnerability, hence revealing a name was the ultimate sign of trust.”

“Virgil - It’s Virgil!”

Logan’s mouth went dry.

He.. he actually had done it? He had actually told him his name?

“Really?”

Virgil nodded, weakly.

This time, it was Logan’s time to blush, reach out for the other and squeeze his hand.

“I think it is beautiful. Thank you for trusting me so much.”

He let the word rest on his tongue for a moment, treasuring it.

“Virgil.”

The dark side smiled.

It was Logan’s turn to blush. The two were still holding hands, squeezing one another for comfort as their gazes locked and refused to budge. The black jacket around Virgil was too big, his usual outfit for when he popped up as a side. It looked like the similarly black blanket draped around Logan’s shoulders.

In a way, they were so similar, only in different places.

Little did they know the conversation happening outside their bubble. Voices overlapped, harsh sounds were exchanged.

“Shush! Can you feel this? Padre, there is something happening with the mindscape!”

Roman hissed, looking around. The walls around him seemed to change. He was not in the Imagination as he usually would but he was in the room with Patton. Patton was sitting on his bed. It was a bunk bed with fairy lights all over, colourful blankets and plushies stacking up like in a rivalry. He tilted his head.

“What do you mean, Roman? Do you think there is anyone visiting us?”

The prince tugged at his Katana, fidgeting with the calm yet threatening handle. As he approached the inner walls of the room, his steps seemed to slow down, quieten down. He held his ear against the wall. Slowly, his hands found the wall. He closed his eyes, concentrating on the structure of their realm.

The realm of the true light sides.

7. Patton and Roman might be a part of the light sides but that did not mean they were the “light” kind of personalities.

A shiny blade was drawn. Patton was in the dark, shadows casting over him, shielding the world from his appearance. He rose, slowly, heroically - only that he was a hero to himself and nobody else.

“I think we need to pay someone a visit.”

Patton giggled while Roman detached himself from the wall, blade gleaming and lusting for a few stabs and fights.

“Very much so, Padre.”

***

Yet another day, yet another rejection. This time, Patton’s flowery face gently shoved Logan back into his room, asking him to take time for himself and please be on the lookout because they needed him for Thomas.

It was odd.

He said that while separating him from a meeting with Thomas, trying to figure out yet another issue. Logan felt pushed and eventually just nodded, trying to get away from the sudden force in Patton’s behaviour.

“Good choice! You are so clever, Logan! I wish we talked more!!”

Logan bit down onto his lip. If he had applied just a bit more pressure, he would have drawn blood. The man was too much in control of himself, especially after letting his feelings out excessively, to break out like this again.

As if you would even dignify with as much as your genuine attention, Morality.

In his own mind, he had started empathising with the dark sides so much, he used their names, knew their names. The light sides had become some sort of forbidden topic for him. He did not pronounce their names, only their functions. He pushed them into the corner of his minds, banning them from his own mental conversations.

He waited patiently. His back turned to open the door but he only pretended to do so. At the end, he only waited until Patton was out of sight, so he could rush over to the other side of the hallways, to his true and new home. He passed Roman, not even paying attention to it. The darkness sucked him up, shielding him, as he rushed into the new territory. Doors slowly disappeared before him, gates opened and then he was in Anxiety’s, no!, Virgil’s room.

Before he knew it, calming arms caught him. The darkness engulfing him was gone. He swore he could have heard Roman’s voice calling out for him, someone calling him a traitor. But when he looked up, he did not see Virgil’s room. The colourful lights, the dancing shadows. All of the were gone. They were not in the sanctuary of the abandoned and the forgotten anymore, they were in a whole new place. At the same time, it was more than just a bit familiar.

He saw his own room, slightly altered. Behind him, a door appeared.

“Logan-”

Patton’s and Roman’s calls echoed through the mindscape.

“You can do it Thomas! You just have to believe in yourself!”

“Don’t I have to study?”

Thomas. Oh, sweet sweet Thomas.

“Aw, why would you, little man? You are really clever and your friends need your time more than your books need you. I mean, can you hear your books calling out for you?”

“I guess you are right.”

There was hesitation, so Roman jumped in. Besides being his ego, his passion, he was also his motivation and a bit of that was needed in genuine belief.

“Damn RIGHT he is! Let’s be a true hero to ourselves, to our friends, and go to this gathering!! Prince Roman into the FIGHT!”

Logan cringed. He could feel Thomas do the same, deep inside of him. Deep inside of him, buried away in the dark realm of his own thoughts.

“It is just a barbecue.”

Now Thomas was trying to use Logic? He could feel a tug. It was fainter than it used to be. Virgil was next to him, leaning against the solid walls.

“Feel the changes already?”

Logan turned to him.

It was yet another moment in time when he had neither thoughts nor words to pronounce. It was not that he did not think anything about this, though. This time, unlike when he was crying and his mind went blank, he was full of thoughts and ideas. The only issue was that there were so many, he had trouble ordering them and listening to every single one of them.

“I suppose I do.”

He frowned.

Virgil shrugged, applying his eyeshadow as if to get ready for a party. So he actually did sit down to apply it. Wait, since when was there a mirror- oh yes, he had forgotten, this was his own room. In the dark sides’ area.

“Am I a dark side now?”

Virgil turned around. He actually did look like a raccoon.

“Yeah, seems like it.”

He shrugged, finishing off his dark accents. When he was done, he let his things vanish, simply disappear into thin air. He turned to Logan, grinning.

“Well then, Logic, I suppose it’s time for a new time, a new place and a whole lot more fun~”

He extended his hand.

“Wanna get Thomas to listen to you a bit more?”

His hands were warm. Logic could feel the warmth engulfing him, protecting him. Slowly, more presences seemed to whirl into the blend of energies and imaginations in his room. He nodded, captivated.

“I think I can do with convincing people.”

A sleek voice mused.

Another voice popped up, scratchy and slightly used up. It was almost comically hoarse.

“I think I can do with getting Thomas to listen to everything you want to show him!”

The energies came in, shaping into appearances. Logic nodded again, a smile on his face.

“Welcome to the team, Logic.”

#joey writes #oneshot #sanders sides oneshot #fanfiction #ts fanfiction #sanders sides fanfiction #ts analogical #logan angst #rest is tagged already hflesjgsr

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csykora · 5 years

Link

[A tabby cat curled up in the middle of a bubble hockey board. Or you, being comfortable in an athletic community that’s good enough for you]

Hiiiiii! I’ve been looking at ice hockey and it seems a cool sport and something that I might want to do as a hobby. Only Im disabled. Do you think I could still do the thing? Do you have ideas on how to start doing the thing? Ive often found it hard to do sports because coaches or trainers don’t know shit about disability and so have no clue how to teach you things or what you may or may not be capable of and telling them is useless because they make assumptions about your body and gah. Cheers

Hey—

Yes. Do the thing. Please go do it! I am not your coach, not your trainer, only friendly local bone witch—which I am very annoyed to have to say because you are a great athlete to work with.

Can I point out a couple things you just said?

You’re offering to do a trainer’s homework for them.

The early game didn’t have coaches. People milled on and off in whatever situations they felt like. Coaches and trainers came onto the scene so that someone was keeping track of who was actually good at what, when they needed support, and how to use them to best effect. That’s their whole gig.

Talking to folks on this blog, I’ve learned lots of people have this impression that capital-A Athletes have some factory-settings-standard body, any deviation a disaster (and they themselves can’t be athletes because they don’t.)

I think it’s very useful to smash this idea. Every athlete is a grab bag of weaknesses and weirdnesses, from old injuries down to handedness. Every coach longs to have three right-shot defensemen, and has made peace with the fact they’re not going to get them. Their job is to play with all the mismatched pieces they do have until they fit into a team.

If you present a coach or trainer with information about your abilities, and they don’t want to use that information, the problem you got right there is a shit coach.

Despite what the National League believes, there are more than 32 coaches in the world.

Throw a stick up here and you’ll hit another amateur coach. When we’re little, if we get a shit coach or PE teacher, we get stuck. That does real and lasting harm, which I am happy to go on at length about, but to flip it around:

Now, you are a big Zee, who wants to learn to play as a hobby, with the goal of having fun. That’s a powerful place to be.

I won’t say there aren’t stakes: you could get hurt, physically or emotionally. Sharing information about your body with other people to try to keep yourself from getting hurt all the time can be hard. Playing can make you feel physically accomplished and capable in your body, which is a deep need I think we all have, so having to back away if a team does turn out to be shit is hard. So I don’t say “you can always quit a team” lightly, but…there is no threat if you quit a shit team, no one (who matters) will get mad or make you go back.That means you can advocate for yourself, and if a reasonable shot at advocacy reveals that a coach isn’t just unfamiliar with how to do their job for someone with your disability but uninterested in doing their damn job for a disabled person, you can wave them farewell and find another.

Now, our goal is for you to find a good trainer, who just needs to be given information about what you (not someone with the ‘same’ condition, but you specifically) have got going on.

I’m going to tell you to look up an adult learn-to-skate program. Most rinks will have regular learn-to-skate and learn-to-hockey programs spaced throughout the year (often paired so you spend “first semester” on skating before the people who want to move up to hockey). Look up different rinks, talk to people about the rink culture and the coaches there. If you have the time, maybe spend a while hanging out there watching the open skates, local team practices or public classes, getting a sense what it’s like and telling yourself you have as much right to be in that barn as anyone else. Then sign up for a class. But first I want you to be devastatingly, Hepburn-ishly confident in talking about what your disability means for you.

From the information you’ve just given me, I don’t know almost anything I would need to work with you. You may or may not know that information about yourself already, but you can figure it out.

“Mild hemiplegia” is not a super-medical phrase. Hemiplegia is complete paralysis on one side of the body, where you are unable to move those muscles on purpose. A mild to moderate loss of muscle strength on one side is hemiparesis.

These terms are, to be honest, mostly used to organize medical literature. They describe very specific signs that might happen for a variety of reasons. Other symptoms like loss of sensation, loss of range of motion, involuntary muscle spasms, or loss/delay of involuntary motion (reflexes), which may or may not occur with plegia/paresis, have to be specified and described. If I were treating you I definitely wouldn’t describe your case as “hemiplegia”, I would call it “hemiparesis” with a lot more descriptive words around that (and I probably wouldn’t use either when talking to you).

It’s not that you used a word wrong. I’m concerned that 1. people have made you think you have to use A Medical Name for your disability for it to be taken seriously, but also 2. because the stroke happened so early, you’ve actually been denied care and opportunities to learn about it.

1. First, for the record, you don’t have to justify your disabled identity to me. And while I really (really) understand the self-protective urge a lot of us have to try to say, “my condition is really real and serious, it has a Real Medical Name, please believe me”, I think that (outside of a legal context where you’re seeking protected accommodations) that strategy often isn’t as useful as we hope it will be to communicate with other people in our daily lives. The people who demand to see your Really Medically Serious card before making accommodations will always find something else to demand, while people who aren’t trying to be assholes will be better able to help you if they know exactly, practically how.

It’s not that one way of talking about your disability is wrong, but I want you to talk about it in ways that are useful to you, that help you connect with other people and get you what you want.

2. I’ve worked with a lot of elders who have paralysis or hemiparesis from strokes later in life, after being able-bodied for most of their lives, and doctors and therapists jump right up in there teaching and training them to “recover” that “lost function”. They/their families can’t not know all the medical words just from hearing them over and over. But what often happens when a person is disabled since childhood is that…they aren’t seen as having “lost capacity” that can be “saved”, but as having a baseline “low level of function” that’ll never change, so much less attention is payed.

I’m using the air quotes because many people’s disabilities are present throughout their whole lives, and someone’s disability or disabled identity is not just a “problem” to be solved or gotten rid of. But people with disabilities grow and change, especially when we’re, you know, children. What often happens is that parents/authorities encourage able-bodied children to play, practicing motions and building up their bodies’ ability to move, while children with disabilities get benched from practice, benched from not just one activity but from being active at all, which means being benched from developing their bodies in the ways that might actually work for them, and from developing relationships with their bodies.

Proprioception, for example, is a combination of some fundamental ability/capacity/threshold/potential/whathaveyou and skill developed through experience that changes in context. Ever seen a baby? None of them know where the hell they are. A baby that can crawl is let loose to explore the world and bump into things that trigger their nerves until their body learns to fit all that sensation information together and use it. A baby that doesn’t crawl for some other reason often doesn’t get a chance to explore, to experience those sensations or train up that skill. And a kid that has a different threshold for stimulation, who naturally seeks out more or less or a different sort, is often stopped from stimming in ways which would provide their body information they could process.

As an adult, you get the chance to look at what you want to do and how your body can do it again.

So…

I want you to go throw a ball at a wall. Try to catch it. If you do any exercises already, sit-ups or pushups, do some of those. Run around the block, jump around on your bed. Stretch or just swing your arms and legs around. Find some small objects to use as weights and lift them, with either arm and then either leg (or set them on the floor and see if you can push them).

Work your way up your body one limb at a time, first thinking just about that limb on its own and then comparing the two sides after you’ve done them both. Don’t put a value judgement on anything yet, just pay attention: if your feet feel okay after running around, if you had more strength in one spot than you expected, if you had fun jumping, if there was a time you thought you might wobble but were able to correct, count that too! Think about each activity you did, the sensations around it, and whether that stim was satisfying, overstimulating, or not stimulating enough.

I want you to be able to go to a learn-to-play program, ask to talk with the coach at an appropriate time during the application or orientation, and say things like, “I have this condition. This is what it means: I have less strength with one arm, but I can move it as fast as the other, and with the same range of motion. I don’t grip items as well with one hand, or I tend to grip very hard. I don’t feel this type of sensation in this area, but I do feel that”.

Your coach is then going to recommend exercises to build strength in particular areas, or modifications to exercises so that you can do them without needing to use a particular area; they might have you try different equipment (find a tape job or adapted hand position that helps you keep hold of your stick, etc), and they may also encourage your towards and start training you for a particular position where you could do the most. When it comes to sensation, they’ll know to watch you closer for injuries in that spot that you might not notice.

This came in while I was applying to go back to university, and I bribed myself through the short essay section by pausing every hour to eat chocolate and sketch out what I would have you do for hypothetical positions and exercise plans. That’s still a long way off, but I’m very invested, so a couple things I want you to think about as you work towards the goal:

Keep sled hockey in mind. It’s not always a fit for people whose disability involves their arms, but it’s a cool community and most rinks will offer clinics where you can try out a sled and get a sense of the game.

How do you feel about getting hit with a puck? From your description, stickhandling and shooting may not be super fun for you. They may be, but if you give them a fair try and start to fee discouraged, try picturing yourself as a defender focussing on positioning or shot-blocking, or a goalie. Some people never ever want to do it, which is fair, but if you’re at all interested I’d love to see you try some time in goal! Everyone’s different but some folks the weight of the pads and the focused role can be really good stimulation. If your handling or footwork doesn’t feel great, goaltending would let you focus on moving your body more naturalistically as a whole to position in front of shots. And everyone else will love you for volunteering!

Write back and tell us how it goes!

#long post

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carbrakes-and-stakes · 5 years

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Character development : 30 questions

1. What makes them happy? What do they think would make them happy?

Alain had to learn to be satisfied with simpler things, although it was not always the case.

He is happy whenever he works on a big project, such as the complete renovation of a vintage car. The house he bought belonged to an old couple and so he plans to flip it entirely, room by room. A job well done bringing him joy, it’s likely that he’ll feel quite pleased once he is done. A pint of beer or a glass of scotch at the end of the day are both satisfying to the hunter.

Alain takes great pleasure from a job well done whether it's at the garage, in his garden or in the kitchen.

What he thinks would make him happy are things he can’t get and he would rather forget about it. He looked for his mother for a while but never got a clue as to who she could be. He wouldn’t say no to his family losing everything either. A bankruptcy would humble them all.

2. How do they feel about their appearance?

Alain is aware that he is rather attractive and fit, especially for his age although staying fit requires that he exercises daily. Having to hike around at night does help with that task.

People tend to not believe him when he tells them how old he is. Don’t call him a vampire, please.

He mostly feels good about his looks although he sometimes wishes he were a bit taller.

3. What would their ideal friend be like? (Have they had any luck finding such a person?)

Alain does not speak a lot at first although he can get talkative around people he feels comfortable with. His ideal friend is someone he can trust, who shares a few interests with him whether it's cars, astronomy, cooking or any other of his hobbies. Their ideal friend is calm, humble, curious about everything, has a good sense of humor and is respectful of others, and most importantly, won’t drag him to social gatherings.

4. What kind of people do they hate?

Aside from his family and vampires, Alain cannot stand people who think too highly of themselves and doesn’t like people who talk a lot despite having nothing interesting to say. Gossiping is not something he enjoys either although he hears a lot of things, being a shop owner. People who are completely unpredictable are avoided at all cost as he finds them unreliable, selfish, and to be more of a danger than anything.

5. What offenses do they think are unforgivable? (Or IS anything guaranteed unforgivable)

Being a vampire. Lying to his face (unless it’s to keep a secret). Divulging a secret (doesn't have to be his secret).

Otherwise he is a rather forgiving person, as he understands that you can make mistakes. He would be quite the hypocrite if he did not allow people to get a second chance. A second, not a third. Don't expect to gain his trust back easily if you've upset him.

6. How well do they keep promises or commitments? Do they expect the same of others?

Alain is loyal and honest and won't make a promise if he does not believe that he can live up to it. Commitment takes time, but once he commits to something or someone, he stays true to his beliefs.

He does expect people to respect their commitments and will be very upset were they to betray them.

7. How long does it take them to warm up to people?

It can take a while as Alain has trouble allowing people close. It's fair to say that the way things ended with his family left a mark. However, common interests are the quickest way to get Alain to be interested in having a conversation with you. Bonus points if you own a dog.

Alain isn’t too good at socializing however, and appearing as distant often makes it difficult for others to warm up to him.

8. Do they keep any important rituals or routines?

His days are organized around the same routine : Breakfast. Training. Work. Running. Dinner. Nap. Hunting. Sleep. Restart. On Sundays, Alain goes hiking or eventually spends time home baking or gardening, working on a project.

9. When distressed, do they seek solitude or support from others?

Solitude. Alain isn't one for sharing. He knows that he should open up more about what troubles him but has yet to find someone he trusts enough for that.

10. If someone comes to them with a problem, how do they respond? (Advice? Sympathy? Taking it into their own hands? Blowing it off completely?) How does this it vary based on who’s asking?

He won't respond to someone he doesn’t know well and will advise them to ask someone else first.

Depending on whether he can help fix the problem, he will take it into his own hands if he cannot just provide advice. His advice/intervention can sometimes appear as controlling but it's only with the idea to improve their life/solve their problem. He'll have to know every details and facts before doing anything however, and analyse the situation carefully before he can offer his help.

11. How do they feel about physical contact? What are their personal space requirements?

Alain is really not fond of hugs from strangers or people he barely knows although he'll enjoy them if they come from a friend.

His personal space is basically a bubble with a 3’ (1 meter) radius. He'll often claim to have a cold at social gatherings because saying he doesn’t like to touch others is often seen by others as a douchebag move.

12. What do they do to relax? (What if they’re prevented from doing that thing?)

A glass of alcohol, a walk or eventually a joint will all manage to appease Alain. He can get quite anxious and has had panic attacks in the past from being unable to unwind. He can also get cranky when he feels anxious, getting angry at people for no real reason. If Alain will later apologize for overreacting, he doesn’t like having to do it.

13. What do they get excited about?

Telescopes, space exploration, astronomy, vintage cars, car renovation projects, hiking up a new mountain, tasting new food, etc. Sometimes he’ll be excited about an event, but get very anxious about it in the days before the event. It’s only once he’ll start having a nice time that the anxiety will go. This has sometimes led him to not go somewhere he wanted to. Nowadays, he tries to force himself into going anyways.

14. What do they consider the area of their expertise? (Are they right about that?)

Vampire extermination and the renovation of vintage cars. He's aware that there’s always more you can learn and is mostly humble despite being also proud of his skills. As far as sword fighting is concerned, he does not have much he could learn from a teacher, but when it comes to cars, he’ll often take lessons to become more specialized.

15. What are their blind spots or biases? (Do they know about them?)

Alain does not like to analyze his feelings and often pretends that everything is okay. He can convince himself of that.

Since he doesn’t trust a lot of people, he hunts alone and has been in situations where he was seriously injured. As humbling as almost dying can be, Alain is too stubborn to change his ways completely. These days, his dogs accompany him and have proven to be rather useful.

16. How active is their imagination? (Do they use it to advantage? Does it tend to run off with them?)

Alain is imaginative when it comes to practical things, mechanics, and crafts and loves using his hands to make his ideas come to life.

17. How good are they at reading other people?

He is not good at it although he isn’t aware of that. In his eyes, everyone is ill intended and self-centered at first. There are very few people who don't have this negative vibe to him and they are people he will more easily engage conversation with.

18. How easy or difficult is it for other people to read them?

Most people are convinced that he's grumpy and some have different theories as to why. For instance some say he's grumpy because he was not on his parents' testimony, some other say that it’s because Audrey left him and vanished.

19. How comfortable are they with animals (pets, other domesticated beasts, wild animals)?

He’s very comfortable around animals but he has a habit of being careful around animals that are not his.

20. To what extent are they concerned with other people? Do they tend to serve others, protect their own, or only look out for number one? (In other words, is their priority “you,” “us,” or “me”?)

Alain’s motto could be “If I die that's fine, but nobody else is allowed.” He has been raised since he was a child to believe that he had to protect his younger sister, and he’s been trying to protect people ever since.

21. Do they enjoy challenges or avoid them? In what areas?

He likes a challenge as far as his day job is concerned. He was not afraid to buy an old house even if that meant having to spend most of his weekends repairing everything, piece by piece.

As reckless as he can be, he’ll never try to face an elder vampire on his own and is strategic when it comes to hunting, a result of his many years of training.

22. How well do they deal with injuries or ailments?

As he heals faster than regular humans, he doesn’t usually worry too much about his injuries. Only bad ones leave a scar anyways.

He wishes he could say that he got used to the pain but that’s not really true. He doesn’t fear getting injured however, even if he wants to avoid that at all cost.

23. What qualities do they most want to be associated with? What’s the highest compliment anyone could pay them? The gravest insult?

Alain would rather be recognized for his work, his success than for things he has no control over. Still, he does not know how to take a compliment.

The highest compliment would be to praise him for his work as a mechanic. But if you try to suggest that all he achieved, he couldn’t have done without his family, whether he wants it or not, you probably will get headbutted before you’re done talking.

24. How comfortable are they with being the center of attention? Do they want recognition for their works? (Can they even take a compliment in the first place?)

He is not used to it and would rather stay on the side lines, where he feels most comfortable.

He gets recognition for his works and appreciates it when it comes from professionals. As far as personal compliments are concerned, he’ll briefly turn bright red.

25. How willing are they to take risks? What factors might affect their decisions on that front?

He’ll take risks if this means rescuing an innocent from harm. But that’s only if he thinks that he can get away with it. He can usually trust his judgement on that, but you never know when you’re wrong before it’s too late.

26. How competitive are they? Do they expect to win or think they’re going to lose? Can they take either outcome gracefully?

He used to let his sister win on the occasions when he had the advantage in a fight, back when they were training in martial arts or fencing as children and as teenagers.

He’s not a sore loser, but he will be quite smug if he wins. He will often taunt vampires and insult them.

27. How much do they care about etiquette, politesse, propriety? Do they have the same standards for themself as for other people?

If Alain curses a lot, mostly in French, he knows a lot about etiquette and will behave appropriately according to context. He feels more comfortable in relaxed environments but can make quite an impression where it's not expected of him, a mechanic.

28. Do they guard personal information closely, or is it all free for the asking? Is there something they would never tell anyone?

He doesn’t like to share information about himself, and aside from Audrey, there was not a lot of people who knew how he was brought up as a child, what kind of childhood he had, about his time at the Ring, and there’s only a handful of people who knows what he does at night.

He doesn’t like talking about his childhood, about Audrey, and obviously he doesn’t talk about the supernatural to anyone but those in the know.

29. Do they assign more weight to actions or words?

He likes to think actions are stronger than words, but he can be fooled by words anyway.

30. How decisive are they? What do they do if they have trouble making a decision?

Alain has to be spontaneous while he hunts or when he’s working. However making decisions in social context is a lot more complicated as he tends to over analyse what people want from him or think of him.

#character development #about #this is VERY long

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memoryhacksupplement-blog · 4 years

Text

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ivett-toth · 5 years

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New interview by hunskate with our beloved Ivett, in where she talks about her new training enviroment, new programs and other personal stuff. Translation by @fanpower98, please don’t repost!

Ivett Tóth successfully passed her final exams so now she can concentrate on training with full power. Our olympic figure skater can start the new season with a new SEAT and supported by MOL*, after two weeks resting she started training again. We looked back to last season with her and we talked about her new programs, plans and goals.

[*N/T: MOL is a famous hungarian oil and gas company]

Congratulations on your graduation! There was a fully scheduled year behind you. How did you get by?

Thank you, I’m happy I could finally check this off. In the olympic season, when I trained in Switzerland, the school took a backseat, I couldn’t travel back home for the exams so I had to do grade 12 again. It was hard but it affected me on a positive way, where something also got my attention beside skating and didn’t overthink while training. In the last weeks I spent less time on the ice because of the exams, I usually had one practise a day. I could get to work again after the written [exams] then Vasas had an outage where, without ice, meant us a two weeks break. In the meantime I got beyond the oral [exams] so now the intensive preparation can start.

You started the last season with the Italian and the Finnish challengers. How did you evaluate your performance there?

I’m happy I started the season earlier like in the previous seasons because it made me feel calmer, I didn’t had to rush or act in haste to go through the road I planned. Thanks to a good short program, I could do my free in the best group at Lombardia Trophy and I got 7th place overall, so I got ranking points with that. At Finlandia Trophy I did a lot of stupid mistakes so I slipped really down, in the end I didn’t need that much to reach the settled goal. I learned from both competitions.

Then you had two competitions at home: you had the lead at the Halloween Cup after the short program, but you got bronze at the end, at Christmas Cup you were able to keep the first place and you won with high scores. Is the pressure bigger if you have to compete at home?

I always have some nervousness in me but it rather gives me safety when I can compete at home. Moreover they organized the Halloween Cup in Vasas where I practice day by day and since I live close to the rink I just walked to the competition. This is why it was special to me, because it was the first time I competed there. However I already got a lot of experience in the Gyakorló Jégcsarnok (Practice Rink), Christmas Cup went better because it was more than one month later and I could get in shape until then. Actually we should keep out where we compete but of course we know that at home there are more familiar faces, there are more hungarian fans in the spectators’ area which affects me in a positive way on stressful situations.

Yet before Christmas Cup you could be glad for a foreign win: you got a gold medal in November in Riga at Volvo Open Cup. How do you recall that competition?

I did my short program for the first time in the season where, when I got off the ice, I was satisfied with my performance. The free wasn’t perfect, though. But I accomplished it better than in the previous competitions. There was this feeling where for the first time I felt I was able to show for what we worked so hard that I started to find myself. It was a little milestone for me from which we could build.

However at Four National Competitions, which is also the Nationals, you didn’t do well. How did you prepare after that to the European Championships?

I’m a very nervous type of person, I have to consciously pay attention to relax even if the training went very well. Although the competition was here in [Buda]Pest and I felt the fans’ support, I couldn’t relax for some reason. I didn’t perform well but at least my performance was enough to not to have to participate in another sorting competition so I could concentrate on the training with my nerves. I knew if I keep calm and only follow my coaches advices, we can reach our goal.

This goal was to be in the top ten but at the end you managed to get the 13th place from last year. You had some trouble with the double Axel in both programs but you got an ISU season’s personal best for the free skate. You could perform before a big crowd, how did you live it through?

I was very surprised that so much people came, I didn’t think figure skating or any other ice sport is that famous in Belarus. The audience encouraged all competitors, clapped through the programs, it had the feeling like the stands were full with asian fans. I still haven’t found whys for that two double Axels, maybe some short circuit [I can’t remember the word we use in english fs fandom]. True, I haven’t got into the top ten but I feel like I managed to get better at both programs compared to last year and I think back with with good feelings to Minsk EC. Particularly to the free, I slapped into the air at the end, I felt like I did my best this time. When I looked into my coaches’ eyes, that said everything, I knew they are proud of me. Through that one year together Zsófi and Zoli [Zsófia Tokaji-Kulcsár, Zoltán Tóth] became extremely important persons in my life, there isn’t bigger pleasure than the fact I could bring them joy. These are the unforgettable memories what drives us forward in gray weekdays and in trainings and I hope we can live through more moments like this together.

After your fifth European Championships came your fifth World Championship where unfortunately you couldn’t perform your free skate. What was in you when you got off the ice and got your scores?

Between EC and Worlds I would’ve had an another competition but I got sick and I rested so much that my muscles got down so I had to concentrate on getting back to my condition instead of competing. I did succeed on it quite well but I felt the lack of the competitions’ atmosphere at Worlds. I would have liked to finish the season with a good performance but the missed jump and the stumble on the step sequence cost a lot. That hurt more that getting in the free depended on these .3 tenths but you also have to know how to handle this. With a harder heart we tried to take the opportunity that we were in Japan: we went to sightseeing in Tokyo, watched almost all the competitions and I could learn a lot from the others’ performances. We enjoyed the banquet very much and then when we came home I had to start to prepare to my final exams so I couldn’t stay dwelling on for long what happened there.

If you had to describe your season with some words, what would you say?

Maybe that that I did everything full of love and now somehow every training and every competition went easier than last year. Because I started to work with new coaches it was also a very good experience. A lot of times I couldn’t bring it out of myself during competitions what I did at practices but they always stood by me and helped me.

In May the selected ones could work with Alexandr Abt, who you could met at the competition in Riga. What gave you these four days?

He had great results as a figure skater and I already knew him by sight because I have competed many times with one of his Swiss student. Although it’s not possible to do miracles in four days he did a very good job with us, we learned a lot from him and we could get to know a fantastic person by him. We paid attention to steps, spins and also jumps, we mostly did exercises to move us out from the comfort zone and try other steps into the elements. We benefit from this a lot at practices and it’s sure I’ll build some little things into my programs from those what he showed us.

Since you already mentioned your programs: would you reveal what music did you chose for next season, what style will you come out with [this time]?

It’s important to me to stay interesting so I’m showing a new side of me again in my short program: I’ll skate to swing. It has a plenty of challenges in it but I enjoy it very much. It’s choreographed by Nóra Hoffmann and my coaches, in regards of the costume and make up still no decisions were made [T/N: the interview was in July so it’s probably done by now]. Because we performed the short many times I definitely wanted to change it so neither the judges and neither the fans would get bored. However I kept the free because I loved it and I feel I can make a lot more out of it. I haven’t had the opportunity to work with Benoit this time but we are in contact and I hope next year we can continue our work together.

What are your main goals for next season? In what would you want to evolve the most?

My main goal is to have a more balanced season, to get in shape earlier and to increase the number of my triple jumps. In the short program I would like to make my triple-triple more difficult, we will see which one is the best during practices. To the free I would like to put back the Flip, what was in it at some competitions in autumn but then we took it out. Besides this we are also working on them [the programs] performance-wise a lot and since my short was choreographed here at home and I have performed the free for a year I can practice them better.

Although you got two weeks resting, for you half of it was about studying. Do you still have the opportunity to go on a holiday to really get relaxed?

We always go somewhere with family but it won’t come together this year. I’ll have some free weekends but frankly, now I don’t feel like I need some rest. I couldn’t do intense training because of exams and I really missed the [physical] stress, I couldn’t wait to continue the practices. I really enjoy the work, I can absolutely give myself to the music we’ve found for the short and I also want to level up my free program. Based on all of what we went through last season with my coaches, I dare to say that there is “kraft”* in our collaboration and we still can show a lot of things to the audience.

I feel that I found my place.

*[T/N: “kraft” means “strength/force and Ivett used this word and I wanted to keep it. We use a lot of hungarized german words.]

#Ivett Tóth #translations #fstranslations #figure skating #season: 2019/20

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ilovehighhats · 6 years

Text

Reticulum, ch. 02

On the next morning after the fateful day when they learned of Anna's death, Bane sat Helena down in his living room and started an in-depth questioning.

Each and every person at the Easter table was carefully investigated and scrutinised, all findings noted in meticulous detail, and pinned to the wall outside Bane's bedroom. Out of sight of prying eyes, but readily available for him or Helena, if she chose to add any information she previously omitted.

As it turned out Bane, as it was, knew an insane amount of details about Helena's life, and by extension her friends. But there were blanks, all the more noticeable for his experienced and brilliant mind.

“So, Lucy and Tom, you’ve never met them before.”

“That's right. And I didn't really talk much with any of them during the brunch. Tom mentioned he's working on a novel about living out in the woods. A ‘Walden’ of sorts, I think? Lucy was too far away, and since they came late and then the whole ordeal with Anna began I didn't have an opportunity to engage any of them properly.”

“He's been truthful about his occupation, but she has some interesting things in her resume,” Bane commented, but ignored Helena curious gaze and moved on with his questions. “Next, our thespian,” he spat the last word with distaste. “What do we know of Alex? Of course there is a trove of information on his personal life online.” He clicked his teeth and winked to snickering Helena. “But we need something less common and more substantial.”

“He's gay,” Helena supplied. “All those rumours of dates with models and fellow actresses is just publicity. He wants to build his fanbase as wide as he can.”

“Indeed?” this time Bane's tone in voice was unusually gleeful.

A small smile graced Helena’s lips.

“Were you jealous of him?”

“That scrawny little pest? Of course not,” he replied with a derisive snort.

“Of course not,” the scribe mocked. “Who's next?”

“Magnus.”

“Met him for the first time, but Grace and Graham mentioned the boy frequently. He's from a very low-income family, a single parent I think. Grace mentioned something about a very old acquaintance. They finance his studies, which basically means they pay his monthly expenses. I don't know the details.“

“Perhaps they would like to correct an aspect of this society that isn't to their liking.“

“What do you mean?”

“You may remember I noticed that the brunch was like a scene from a novel. Let's talk about our gracious hosts. Both are over their sixties. There is a longing there, a nostalgia for what had been. They're playing bridge. No one plays bridge anymore.”

“They're charming people,” Helena argued. She knew them for years now, and always could rely on Grace’s motherly advice or Graham’s generous hand with alcohol.

“Did you know that Graham was a high ranking officer in CIA?”

“I thought he was some kind of retired chemistry professor.”

“He is. A person can be more than one thing.”

“None of them ever mentioned anything of the sort. Do you think Grace knows?”

“She disabled perimeter detectors that day when she came to invite us to brunch.”

The information visibly shook the scribe.

“You have that kind of security?“ she gasped.

“We have,” Bane corrected pointedly. “And I've replaced them and changed the pattern to something she wouldn't know. added some new toys as well,” he murmured the last part tapping a finger to his lips pensively.

“Oh, my.”

“You thought Grace was just a homemaker.”

“When they lived here we visited each other very frequently. She had never been anything other than friendly, pleasant and appropriate. She does charity work, and has some innocent pastimes.”

“Did you ever take her to the shooting range?”

“No. I go alone. For a while, I used to go with a friend, but it was only because I met him there already.”

That piece information caught Bane’s attention enough to make him swirl around to face Helena again.

“Who?”

“Weren't we supposed to talk about people at the brunch?”

His eyes narrowed, but he reluctantly let go.

“We'll get to that later, then. So, Grace and Graham are a veritable mystery to you. Our friendly policeman and his family, do they have any secrets or peculiarities?“

“Tirill works with Anna at the school. And they both have tried to convince me to start calligraphy workshops for kids. Jack is mostly out in Oslo, studying. When she comes on weekends, we sometimes see each other at Hanson’s, but that's that. “

“You didn't mention anything about Knut.“

“Nothing to say. How did you know him?”

“We met when I first came here to buy the land, and then when I was building cottages.”

“Did he see you without the mask back then?”

“Yes.”

“That's wonderful.“

“I'm glad you're happy about it. “

“No, I'm serious. Look, that story about you studying in Hong Kong and then working as an antique dealer, and now making the people here know and remember you before Gotham! It's the best cover!”

“Most of that was true.” The sofa dipped when he sat down with a small grunt. “The point of our little exercise here is to sow the oats of the official facade, and get to the truth underneath.”

The remainder was sobering. It was just as Bane said. The truth could be hidden beneath what was apparent and ostensibly obvious. Even though he was an astrophysicist and a historian he also was a terrorist and a killer.

“Who do we have left?” she asked with a tired sigh.

“Sven and Anna.”

The spite in Bane’s words reminded Helena of his terse exchange with the medic at the brunch.

“What do you have against my good doctor?”

“Nothing. What gave you the idea I have anything against the man?”

“Dorrance, you said to him. Not Tony, like you introduced yourself to others. Why single him out?”

“Alex and Magnus also didn't get to call me by my first name.”

“Oh, but Lucy did feel right at home calling you Tony,“ she pointed out.

“I didn't notice.”

“Right.”

Bane hid a satisfied curl of his lips.

“Is there anything at all you think is relevant regarding Anna or her father?”

“You know, I always thought she was a tad closer to Graham than Grace. It was subtle but seemed like whenever I visited she was keeping close to him. Nothing overt. Maybe it was because Grace is such good friends with Sven. Come to think of it, I would not be too fond of listening to my parents' chit-chat, so that's probably it.”

“Probably.”

“Why are you asking me all those questions?”

“I told you. One of the guests at the brunch may have been a killer. I won’t stand to have someone like that near you.”

“Is that all? You’re wasting your time and considerable mind power to maybe find a perpetrator of a possible crime. Because as far as I know, it was an accident, wasn’t it? Listen, time is the most precious of resources. We all have a finite amount of it. Even the most brilliant of geniuses,” she sent him a pointed look, “has the same twenty-four hours in a day, as we all do. You could leave the police work to the police, and focus on your dark matter or whatnot.”

“Dark waves,” he corrected gruffly. “Let’s consider this my hobby.”

“An escape from the tedious day job?” She laughed.

“Something like that.” Bane gathered her close, and kissed her temple, then hid his nose behind her ear and inhaled the fragrance of her hair deeply. “It will help me stay calm.”

Helena couldn’t argue with that.

oOo

On Wednesday Helena went out with Bane as he was leaving for his pilates class. She had a date with Grace right after and needed to do some shopping in the free hour she’d get before the class ended. Then it was an afternoon of helping with the funeral affairs, the notices, the flower arrangements, the musicians. All that tedious and costly work that needed to be done, but no one ever wanted to actually take care of.

And then there was the prospect of a visit to the chapel, to seal the casket after a short ceremony for the closest family.

In the church there was only Sven, sobbing quietly on Grace’s shoulder. Helena was standing awkwardly beside them feeling like a third wheel. The doctor left some trinkets on Anna’s chest, and both women put in a simple rose each, and then it was done. The scribe didn’t even listen to the priest, the prayers foreign to her not only because of the language but also because she felt them unnecessary.

She remembered when she thought that Bane and Dorrance were both dead, back when she didn’t know she was actually mourning one person. The trips to the sea were her prayers, steely sky and stormy sea her church, cold sand under her feet was her pew. The wind howled a requiem every day, and the vastness of the water reflected how empty she felt. Everything was hidden beneath the waves, and the surface looked as if no life was there. Only different brands of emptiness.

Grace’s palm at her shoulder brought Helena out of her musings, and she sent a pale grimace resembling a smile Sven’s way. He nodded and left with the priest, while Grace hooked her arm with Helena's and started the opposite direction, out the main entrance and into her car.

Drive to Helena's cottage was mostly silent.

“She was so young,” Grace said while waiting for the lights to change.

Helena looked over and saw that the older woman’s eyes were glued to a pair of people sitting on a bench. They were kissing. Despite the cold, the girl had a simple dress on, and the boy didn't have a proper coat. But they looked comfortable and happy.

“Reckless,” Grace added.

Helena observed her when the light changed, and the car moved obediently forward under the experienced touch.

“Why do you say that?”

“Say what?”

“That Anna was reckless. She seemed pretty dull to me, actually.”

“She had her little secrets. Still wet behind the ears, but thought she was an old dog.”

The comment was angry. Unusual and uncharacteristic, especially since both women always seemed to get along just fine.

“Don’t we all have our mysteries? The undisclosed desires and actions under wraps?“

“I guess we all do. Sorry, I’m still shaken.”

“I understand, don’t worry.” There was still some five minutes of the drive ahead, and Helena would hate to part on a sour note. “You have a lot on your plate, especially with how much you help out Sven.”

“Thank you, darling,” Grace sighed. “To be honest, I’m worried about the clinic. Sven needs someone to cover for Anna until we find a full-time replacement, and we can’t have the girls at the reception desk doing overtime for a month. But he doesn’t feel like recruiting now, and who can blame him?”

“I could help out,” Helena offered. “Not like I have anything better to do anyway. Small commissions won’t be taking too much of my time, and I can spare few hours every day to help.”

“Would you really?” Grace perked up. “Oh, that would be wonderful!”

“Sure, let’s get over the details after the funeral. I’ll be able to start next Tuesday.”

“We have the schedule fixed until the end of the month, but I'll be sure to ask if any of the girls would like to change her hours. And you could start a regular shift in May, just four or six hours a day, until we find someone.”

“Sure thing.”

Grace stopped by Bane’s cottage at Helena’s request and refused to go in for a cup of tea, excusing herself with her tiredness. Maybe it was for the better, the scribe thought, seeing how absorbed Bane was with his notes. She let herself in through the main entrance, the one either of them rarely used, which left her approaching Bane from the corridor. He was sitting with his back to her, fireplace blazing, a cup of tea on the table in front of him, along with some loose sheets of paper. He was scribbling something but stopped as soon as he felt Helena's palm slide over his shoulders.

“Have you eaten?” he asked.

“Not yet. Did you wait with dinner?”

“I did.”

“That’s nice,” she said.

Bane dropped his papers to the side when she circled the sofa and climbed on his lap. His lips stretched in an amused warm smile when Helena nuzzled the side of his neck, the sensation pleasantly tingling.

“Your nose is cold.”

“I’m warm someplace else, wanna check?”

“Perhaps later.”

“What are you working on?”

“My hobby.”

She chuckled into his arm and straightened with a resigned sigh.

“You’re incorrigible. Obsessed with a problem until it’s picked apart and explained in its entirety.”

“That’s… An accurate characteristic,” he admitted begrudgingly.

“Grace is very similar to you in that regard. She is so absorbed into the funeral arrangements she even started organising Sven’s clinic.”

“Did she?”

“Mhm. What's for dinner?” She slid away and went towards the kitchen, stretching arms over her back with a slight gasp.

“I’ve made curry. Rice is warm in the cooker.”

Bane sat at the counter, watching Helena wash her hands, then ladle out the meal.

“So what's with the clinic, why does it need organising?”

“Anna used to help out at the reception desk, so now the rest of the girls have to juggle overtime to cover for her absence. I offered to help.”

“Indeed?”

Helena set the bowls on the table and slid out the cutlery drawer without looking.

“Grace was so tired with all the stuff she does, and then she started telling me how they have to find someone to take Anna's place. And of course, Sven is in no state to hire anyone at this point. So she said they had to find a way to fill the gap, but it is straining everyone, and she worried so much about it.”

“Did she say ‘we’ while talking about the clinic?” Bane asked before tucking into his meal.

“Several times.” The spoon stilled midway to Helena's mouth, and she set in back in the bowl after a second. “Why?”

“She’s not working there. Nor is she an owner.”

“So what gives her the impulse, or the right to treat clinic affairs as her own?”

“As her’s and Sven’s.”

“They are pretty close.”

“Too close?”

“Hard to say.”

“Worth a check,” Bane said in the end.

“But not tonight,” Helena cautioned. “I require your assistance.”

Bane compiled, and let Helena snuggle with him on the couch watching a movie on Netflix.

But he was scribbling in his notes again when she left, barely raising his head when she said goodnight and lowered over him for a parting kiss.

oOo

The door opened almost noiselessly, the only sound disturbing the tranquillity of the living room was the seal hissing slightly when the door detached from the frame and a single squeal of the hinges. Helena expected to see Bane in the kitchen or reading on the sofa, but the whole room was dark.

“Hey, what’s for dinner?” she yelled towards the corridor. “You missed the lunch hours, so it’s dinner time already!”

Perhaps he was asleep? Lately, he did have a habit of grabbing a few hours of sleep during the day. Helena knew it was because he could barely catch any rest at night, so she didn’t comment on that. Good thing he could get some respite at all.

She walked cautiously down the corridor, making sure she was as noisy as possible.

“Are you in your bedroom?” she asked, the smile on her face transported in her voice. “If you are there won't be any more sleeping, you know that?”

She stopped just outside his door. Open. The bed was made and seemingly untouched, and the room looked neat and ordinary as ever.

Helena frowned, looking around to see if anything at all was out of place. But no, save for the bizarre display just beyond the entrance it all seemed perfectly normal.

With a sigh she neared the wall in the corridor, transferred by Bane into a repositorium of his knowledge over people present at the brunch. The information she offered was put down on the paper, the notes much more extensive than she first realised. He had researched those people in depth, and she wondered when and why. Certainly, she never told him when Magnus's birthday was, and yet that date was on a sheet of paper dedicated to the man, along with a picture of him, and even more notes. His family history, his education? Ties to Hanson’s and other people at the table?

How did Bane know all that?

She inspected the papers, amazed at the intricate details and the insane attention to any possible links at all. There even was a sketch of the table itself, with the placement of guests and pencilled in numbers. Helena had five and nine, Bane eleven and ten.

She wondered, what did it all mean?

The silence of the cottage felt oppressive all of a sudden. There was no one there. Only the wind blew at the wooden and concrete structure, making the roof moan slightly as it always did. It never bothered Helena before, but today it felt ominous. Foreboding.

Bane was nowhere in sight.

Just to make sure, she inspected every nook and cranny, even those which she rarely visited. The boiler room, bathroom and toilet, laundry room and pantry. Last was Bane's study, converted from the old dining room, which he used mostly as a storage space for books and papers. Helena barely saw him work there, he mostly just sat in the living room. At least he did that whenever she was home with him.

There was no note anywhere, not in the kitchen, nor in her room, so with a shaky sigh she sat down by the dark fireplace and took out her phone.

No messages there either.

Bane was under ‘ICE Dorrance, Tony <3’ and she felt a pang of resentment that even in her own smartphone she couldn't just call him by his real name. But it was out of the question, and she understood of course. Still, it didn’t feel right.

When she dialled up, she heard the worst possible answer.

“The number you have called is currently unavailable. Please try again later.”

At that moment fear gripped her so harshly, Helena felt her chest tighten.

What could have happened to him?

#Fanwork: Fanfiction #fanfiction #fanfic #Nolanverse #batman #the dark knight rises #bane #bane (dcu)

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condensed-theorem-shop · 7 years

Text

My Emotional First-Aid Kit

There’s a box which I keep under my bed for emergencies.

I’ve had this for years. It works pretty well for me. I recommend it to people with brain issues, or other reasons to expect to have emotional emergencies.

A big part of the function of the box is that, when I’m having a breakdown of some kind, it’s hard for me to remember my various coping techniques exist; and for those which actually need stuff, it’s way beyond me to go track down the stuff. So the things in the box are meant to remind me that my techniques exist, as much as to facilitate their use.

(Continued under cut for length.)

I have a few rules about things that go in the box:

Nothing that I will feel guilty about using up/“wasting.” I know from experience that when I’m having a brain episode, it almost always features worries about whether this is really a real brain episode or whether I’m “faking” it and so “don’t deserve” self-care. So I short-circuit that by not putting anything in the kit which is both (a) consumable and (b) sufficiently expensive/limited that I’ll worry about “wasting” it.

Nothing that risks making me more anxious. This is maybe an obvious one but still affects my decisions for how to stock the kit. For example, some people like to include a small amount of cash for renting a movie/buying snacks/whatever; I don’t, because that will sometimes get me anxious about my spending habits.

Nothing that isn’t a pleasant sensory experience. Everything in the box is both useful and a sensory delight; this helps keep me from finding the kit aversive to use, and means that just going through the objects deciding which to use is soothing and calming.

Nothing I could use to self-harm. Strictly speaking, I could use almost anything to self-harm, but I at least avoid anything that would work well for my preferred methods. The big one is avoiding anything sharp -- I don’t even keep pencils in the kit. I’m going to be using this at really vulnerable moments; I don’t want to dangle temptation in front of my future self.

So what sorts of things do go in the box? I have a few broad categories:

Something for each sense. For grounding exercises, because I find this very useful. I can go through the things in the kit and just focus on experiencing each one, paying attention to sensory input in the here and now.

Something to redirect self-harming urges. I frequently turn to the kit as an alternative to self-harm; it was very useful in helping me break the habit in the first place.

Something comforting. Kind of an obvious one.

Something to remind me to be gentle with myself. This is a sort of opposite action for self-harm: instead of being rough with myself, I’m deliberately gentle.

Something affirming. Lots of generically-affirming stuff is actively counterproductive; through a series of iterations, I’ve managed to figure out things I’m likely to actually believe in the middle of a brain episode.

Something distracting. Sometimes that’s the best way to get through the immediate crisis.

Something to keep my hands busy. Finding something more attractive to do with my hands can be a surprisingly good method of avoiding self-harm, for me.

Something to work through emotions. Safe ways to express them which don’t involve self-harm. Because just trying to calm myself isn’t always a great idea.

Something to remind me why I stay alive. Reminders of the people who love me. Because, whatever therapists keep telling me, “because it would make people sad” is an excellent reason not to kill myself; and it’s one that still feels compelling even at my very worst moments.

These categories work pretty well for me; if you’re primarily dealing with something other than depression and self-harm, or if your brain just works differently than mine, you may well want different ones.

I go through the kit every so often when I’m not in the middle of an episode to restock consumables, remove things that don’t work as well as I’d hoped, clean things that need it, etc. I also just generally keep an eye out for new things to add to it; these are most often things I happen to acquire and realize would work well in it, but sometimes I do buy things specifically for it.

An actual list, then, of the things in my emotional first-aid kit:

A tiny stuffed kitten. Very soft. Comforting. I’ll often take it out first thing and cuddle it while deciding which other things I want to use.

A squeezy toy. Good for keeping my hands busy. Mostly, though, it’s a why-I-stay-alive thing. It was originally my little sister’s; she noticed that it was the kind of stimmy thing I use for anxiety and gave it to me. She has a severe anxiety disorder and I have tried really hard to be a good role model for her of coping with mental illness; the toy reminds me of that.

A fuzzy rubbery duck. For interesting tactile sensations.

A nubbly rubber ball. Ditto; and the nubs aren’t sharp enough to be painful or tempting as a self-harm method, but they are interesting when squeezing it, in a way that makes this a good self-harm redirector.

A yo-yo. For whatever reason, the simple throw-and-return of a yo-yo does an excellent job for me of redirecting self-harming urges. Doing it forcefully feels isomorphic in some way to the action of cutting, without the part where I’m injuring myself. Plus it transitions naturally into a calmer soothing thing.

A tiny pillow with my initials embroidered on it. Soft and comforting and my little sister made it for me so it’s a good why-I-stay-alive.

Beanbag balls. Like you use for juggling. Squeezing them hard can be good for redirecting self-harm; tossing them up and down or against a wall can keep my hands busy; throwing them hard can do emotional expression.

Hard candies. To cover taste in the list of senses. Also good as a sort of stalling tactic: “I’m not going to do anything until I finish this candy.” And comforting, and a way to be good to myself. And they stimulate thirst and appetite, so if I’m having a brain episode because I haven’t been eating/drinking enough, they can help remind me to go do that. Not chocolate; that’s tempting enough I’ll end up eating it when I’m not having a brain episode and then being out when I do.

A little ceramic box. I usually keep the candies in this. It’s from my godmother, so it reminds me that I’m loved (and that I have people I can ask for help if I need it). And it clicks open and shut in a very sensory-pleasing way, which covers sound in the list of senses and can keep my hands busy.

A mini-Tangle. Good for keeping my hands busy; I’ll play with that for hours.

A set of polished natural magnets. Another keep-my-hands busy sensory-pleasing thing; but it also helps me calm down, because of the way the strong magnets act. If I’m trying to arrange them in a certain way, I need to be slow and careful and calm about it, or they’ll just snap back together. Trying to arrange them all separately on a flat surface can be surprisingly effective at calming me down.

A little wire model bicycle. I like occupying my hands and self-soothing by spinning the wheels.

A bobbly squeezy rubber toy. Another thing to occupy my hands; also very satisfying for forceful shaking, in a way that makes it good for emotional expression. And it makes interesting noises.

A chewable necklace. Soothing, sensory, but its primary purpose is actually redirecting self-harm; one of the things I’ve done more frequently is biting myself.

Markers, orange and blue. Straightforward self-harm-redirection; I use them to draw on my skin instead of cutting. Orange is for when I want it to look more like injuries, blue is for less. (I tried red but found that looked too much like injuries and ended up making me want to self-harm more.)

A piece of cloth my sister embroidered with “I love [my name]”. For the obvious staying-alive purpose. Also good for being-gentle-with-myself; trailing soft cloth over my skin instead of hurting myself can be an effective opposite-action thing for me.

A small pad of paper and a box of crayons. For drawing to express feelings. Having specifically the small paper (a little bigger than an index card) and the smallest box of crayons (the little box of eight), and crayons rather than any other drawing implement, helps me actually do this. A full-sized piece of blank paper is too intimidating; too many colors gets me decision-fatigued in the middle of a brain episode; but drawing with crayons convinces my brain it’s fine if the drawing is terrible, and lets me just use it to work through feelings instead of getting all self-conscious about drawing quality. (I keep the drawings, in the bottom of the box, but folded so I don’t accidentally see them. The idea of getting rid of them is super distressing; keeping them lets me feel like I can let go of the emotion, because I’ve still got it, stored up carefully in the box. But running across them inadvertently is also pretty distressing. So this is the compromise.)

A picture of myself as a kid. Because sometimes my brain finds “you wouldn’t hurt her, would you?” a compelling argument.

Index cards with notes to myself. Written and culled over time to optimize for what I actually find credible/comforting when having a brain episode.

A book I’m in the middle of. This is an A+ distraction technique. I find a nice accessible can’t-put-down book that I know I’m going to like, read a bit of it, and then stop and put a bookmark in and put it in the box. Then when I’m having a brain episode I can pick it up again and be distracted from Feelings until I’ve had quite a bit of time to calm down. (The current book is Neverwhere.)

I’m constantly adjusting and refining what’s in the kit, based on what I actually use and how much it helps! Other good things I’ve had at various points include:

A little bottle of vanilla extract. For smell on the list of senses. Also, nice to have to go with breathing exercises.

Fuzzy socks. For touch, and comfort, and letting myself have nice things.

An MP3 player and earbuds. For sound, and working through emotions. Stocked with appropriate music, obviously.

Bubble wrap. For expressing emotions and keeping my hands busy.

Bang snaps. Those little things you get at parties as a kid that snap and flare when you throw them at the ground, you know? Awesome for expressing emotions.

#depression cw #self harm cw #mine #longpost

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leonorakidd93 · 4 years

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Can Performance Anxiety Cause Premature Ejaculation Incredible Useful Tips

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#Can Performance Anxiety Cause Premature Ejaculation Incredible Useful Tips #How I Can Prevent Prematu

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robininthelabyrinth · 7 years

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Fic: Interconnect (ao3 link) - Chapter 7 Fandom: Flash, DC Legends of Tomorrow Pairing: Mick Rory/Leonard Snart

Summary: Fate has decided that Leonard Snart and Mick Rory are soulmates.

Yeah, okay, they’re good with that.

(for @coldwaveweek2017)

A/N: Instead of doing different fics for coldwave week, I decided to do one with multiple chapters, each based on the various days.

Chapter 7: Free Day

—————————————————————————————–

“Mick!”

Mick barely looks up from the medbay bed he’s been on the last few days, ever since the Legends flew the Waverider to STAR Labs after killing Savage. He’d been on 24/7 Gideon watch ever since they’d realized exactly how badly he was taking Len’s death.

Hell, that was even why they were here, at STAR Labs, instead of travelling the timeline fixing things the way Rip had originally wanted to. The other Legends were worried sick about Mick and didn’t want to go without him, so they’d overruled Rip and demanded they stay until Team Flash gave them an answer about how to fix Mick.

Not that they could.

It wasn’t something that could be fixed.

A lifetime of Len’s voice in his ear – gone.

Finished.

Exploded.

Mick always thought they’d go together.

“Mick!”

He shudders a little. He can still hear him sometimes, the echo of him.

“Mick! Damnit, you know how I hate it when you ignore me!”

That –

That wasn’t an echo.

Mick looks from side to side, making sure no one is paying attention to him, not even Gideon, and leans over to the plate of food he’s been uncharacteristically ignoring. “…Lenny?” he whispers to the fork.

“Yeah, it’s me. I’ve been trying to get ahold of you for ages.”

“What, really?” Mick asks, alarmed. The Time Masters had talked about time-lag – about people growing old without realizing it – stuck in a loop –

“Yeah. It’s been, like, hours now.”

No, just Len’s typical ridiculous drama.

“I thought you got blown up,” Mick says. He’s still a bit wary, but – this feels right.

“I did,” Len confirms.

“Okay…and?”

“And what?”

“If you got blown up, you’re dead,” Mick points, quite reasonably in his mind. “If you’re dead, we can’t talk.”

“Uh,” Len says. “Actually…”

“You’re dead?”

“No. I mean, not really. Sort of. Has Barry ever discussed ‘the Speed Force’ with you?”

“…no?”

“Have him do that. And tell Cisco he owes me a rescue. And – oh, shit, gotta go.”

“What?! No! I just got you back!”

“Yeah, well, unfortunately, in the Speed Force, everything is the Speed Force, and said Speed Force doesn’t exactly appreciate me getting around the whole ‘death’ thing by talking to you.”

“...are you talking to me using Death as an object?”

“No,” Len says. “I’m not dead, I told you. Also, animate things don't work, you know that, and I'm not willing to try with possibly-animates. That being said, she did let me borrow her necklace so I could talk to you.”

“She? The speed force?”

“No, Death. Keep up.”

“I’m confused.”

“Yeah, this shit’s a mess. I’ll explain later. Shh, warden’s coming.”

Mick obediently shuts up.

Then he gets up.

“Gideon!” he roars with an energy he hasn't felt since Len's nattering voice cut off. “I need Barry Allen and Cisco Ramon, now!”

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Lisa," Len says. "Mick and I have a major life announcement to make."

"You're already married, neither of you can get pregnant, and you've already come back from the dead once," Lisa says, not looking up from her magazine. "Hit me with your best shot."

"We've decided to take someone into our little family," Mick says.

"Oh, adoption. Uh-huh," Lisa says, eyes still firmly on the pages. She even turns a page. "Sure you are."

"Why so skeptical?" Len asks.

"You're too wrapped up in each other to raise a kid," she says dismissively. "And you know it. So what is it really?"

"It's not a kid," Len says. "It's a dragon."

"Dragons don't exist."

"Cheep," little Smaug says.

Lisa pauses and finally puts the magazine down.

Len beams at her.

"Is that a mechanical dragon?!"

"Smaug here's an AI," Mick says. "Bleeding edge future tech from the year 3000."

"3004," Len corrects.

"Right."

"You - that - it can think?"

"He was gonna be discontinued," Len says.

"We decided to step up," Mick agrees.

"Oh god it can breathe fire, can't it," Lisa says flatly. It's not even a question.

"And ice," Len says cheerfully, and reaches over to tickle Smaug's belly.

For all that he has exposed mechanical parts - fancy looking gears and cogs and circuits which are probably more decorative than functional - the majority of Smaug is covered in a very realistic synthoskin that replicates the feel of baby-soft scales.

Smaug gurgles happily.

"If it's a computer, why is it acting like that?"

"He's an AI," Len corrects her. "And, well, he's not full grown yet. Still building up that processor power."

"It's a baby. A baby dragon AI."

"Yep."

"Yeah, no, I'm out," Lisa declares, throwing her hands up in the air and walking out.

They wait until fifteen seconds have passed and Lisa's stomps have mostly faded away into the distance.

"How long do you think we can pull this off before she realizes we only have him on loan until the time aberration's fixed?" Mick asks.

"At least a week," Len says confidently. "C'mon, let's go scare Team Flash."

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The door flies open with a crash.

Everyone in the room spins around to glare, their eyes filling with anger, the larger members of the group starting to stand and crack their knuckles with anticipation of a beating.

"Hi, there," the man at the door says. He's wearing a blue parka, rather unseasonable for the weather outside, and he's smirking like he knows something they all don't. "Please, don't let me interrupt your fascinating discussion."

"Oh, you interrupted all right," one of the biggest guys replies. "Who the hell are you?"

The new man's smirk widens. "No, no," he says. "Please, keep going - I'm sorry, were you talking about the evil conspiracy where the Jews run the world, or was it the way witches manipulate the world using their own persecution and deaths to win minor rhetorical arguments? The arguments are so similar I can scarcely tell, sometimes."

"Oh, great," one of them sneers. "One of you people."

"We've got a right to be here," one of the other members of the group bleats. "We're exercising our right to assembly and free speech. In fact, you're oppressing us by interrupting, which is the exact opposite of what you claim to value."

And then he smirks, satisfied and smug that he's made his point.

"Oh, no, no," the new man at the door says. "You mistake me entirely. I've donated literal diamonds to the ACLU in support of the idea that there isn't anything legally wrong with non-violent free speech, even where I think the content of that speech is disgusting. But here's the thing you assholes overlooked -"

"What?" a member sneers.

The man at the door pulls out a gun that glows a cold blue light. "I don't much care about what's legal, personally, and since I'm not the goddamn government, your ‘rights’ don’t mean jack shit."

"Captain Cold," someone gasps, putting the pieces together at last.

"The supervillain?! But he's from Central."

"He," Len says, "is on vacation, and beating up neo-Salemists - or neo-Nazis, honestly we never really cleared up which ones you are - is really just a perk."

The room erupts in chaos, only to be silenced when Len fires off a blast to the ceiling.

"I know this isn't going to help your unwarranted sense of persecution," Len says, musing. "But I just wanted you to know that I'm a queer black Jew who's also cursed, so, you know - yeah. I'm 'one of them' as one of you so eloquently put it."

The room flees for the back entrance only for a gout of flame to emerge from the gun of the large man standing watch there.

"Having all the fun without me?" he asks the gun in his hands.

"Hardly," Len tells his own gun in return. It's a big room, and Mick's getting over a sore throat; there's no need to shout. "You know that what's yours is mine."

"Yeah," Mick says, grinning at his prey. He's probably regretting their promise to Barry that they wouldn't kill or permanently harm any of them, but hey, that's life. Beating them up will be nearly as satisfying, and then with luck the lesson (don’t be a bigoted shit or else) will be absorbed in a wider scale. "Yeah, I know."

And then they move.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Aren’t you supposed to be mad at me?” Mick asks muzzily. They’ve been weaning him off the good drugs, but he’s still not entirely with it all the time. Illegal clinics are good for strong drugs, though they do have a tendency to cut it off too fast.

The clock on his bedside table huffs in offense. “I am,” it says. “But you know what these places are like! They’ll cut you off the drugs the second they think they can get away with it, which they won’t if they think you’re hallucinating.”

“Why would I be hallucinating?”

“Because you’re talking to random objects?”

“No random,” Mick says. “They’re you.”

“Sweet, but irrelevant when your medical practitioners have a very cleaned-up version of your medical history.”

"...oh."

"Anyway, what does me being angry at you have to do with anything?"

"Well," Mick says, marshalling his thoughts. "First off, you weren't yelling."

"Of course not," the clock sniffs. "I'd wear out my voice for all the yelling. Besides, I'm more the cool, calm, slinky sort of bad guy..."

Len's imagining himself as a James Bond villain again, Mick knows it.

The term 'slinky' gives it away, really.

"Second," Mick says, and the clock pauses in its daydream - no, Mick's not sure how he can tell, but he can - to listen. "Second, there's what you were talking about."

"What about it?"

"You were talking about your secret Harry Potter fan theory," Mick points out.

"So?"

"That's not 'angry person' conversation."

"I could list hockey stats instead," the clock offers, mild tone not hiding the bite.

"Harry Potter is fine," Mick says quickly, because it is. It's just weird, that's all.

It's not until Len has gone off in a flounce to yell at his latest crew - he's hooked back up with Scudder and Dillon for some godforsaken reason, which is only going to end with somebody dead, Mick knows it - that Mick gets it.

Len isn't talking just for the sake of talking.

He's chatty, yes, and he loves the sound of his own voice, but he doesn't monologue. He's a dialogue sort of guy - quips and puns and stuff like that.

No, that monologue was for Mick's benefit.

So he wouldn't feel alone, trapped in a hospital bed.

Mick snorts, fond smile spreading over his face as he shifts around a bit to get comfortable.

Len was honestly ridiculous sometimes.

Mick's not alone.

After all, Len's always there, all around.

Always.

#dccoldwave #coldwave2017 #mick rory #leonard snart

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jujusbadjimbo-blog · 7 years

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Chapter 48 Teaser

I deeply apologize for the delay in posting chapter 48, these past few months have really been unbelievably busy. It’s all been good (mostly), there has just been a lot to do and I’m old and tired :(

Also, the chapter is kicking my ass. But to be fair to you all, who kindly wait, despite my tardiness, here’s the first 8th of the chapter. I hope you enjoy it :)

The Trust Exercise, part 2

It was late when Sasuke heard the familiar sound of Naruto’s feet sliding on the tiles above his window - ungraceful as ever. A familial snort rolled in the back of this throat as he sat up, letting the book that he wasn’t reading slide into his lap. He never worried that it might be someone else approaching - someone that meant him harm - for that person would at least aim for stealth and silence. Naruto just tried to be quiet and failed, impressively.

“Window’s open,” Sasuke said to the curtains, watching his visitor circumnavigate the drapes and the window frame, slip on the thin coating of ice that Sasuke may have encouraged to develop on the outer stool and end up a rather surprised heap on the floor in amongst a healthy pile of blankets and pillows. Naruto blinked.

“What’s all this?”

“It’s too cold to sleep on the roof,” Sasuke told him, blithely. “There’s a pillow, I think; a few blankets. Even a futon - apparently Tsunade borrowed it off a friend or a cousin or something - I don’t know,” he waved a hand absently toward the pile, trying to downplay the fact that he did know. “Just… do what you want with it.”

“Blankets?” Naruto studied the array of bed linen before him as the realization slowly dawned. “Wait, you mean..? You’re gonna let-”

“If you snore, you’re going back home and staying there.”

“I don’t snore.” Naruto said quickly. “Promise.”

“And you can’t wear that dumb hat-”

“Haven’t worn Mr Toothy since I was twelve.” Naruto grinned. If by “twelve” he meant “yesterday”, Sasuke wouldn’t have been surprised. “So… so you’re saying I can stay? Here? Inside? Inside with you?”

“Mikoto wakes at five am.” Sasuke continued. “Sometimes she wants a bottle at two or three. She might be disrupted for the first couple of nights since-”

“I’ll be super quiet.” Naruto whispered as though to demonstrate. Sasuke rolled his eyes.

“Don’t make promises you can’t keep. Now keep an eye on her, I’ll be back in a second.”

“Sure, sure.” Naruto bounced his feet, eagerly, before his smile dropped. “Wait, look after her? Where are you going? What if-”

“I’m going to the bathroom. You have, literally, two minutes to fuck anything up.”

With that thinly veiled threat, Sasuke walked out of the room. He tried not to notice how his heart was racing as he made his way to the toilet and, while he did have to relieve himself, he tried to be as quiet as possible, listening out for any sense of discomfort from Mikoto, or stupidness on Naruto’s behalf. It was another trust exercise, something that would go on to greater bridges Sasuke knew they would one day have to cross. He’d planned to count to ten before he walked back into the room, but nerves intervened and Sasuke found himself walking in on the blond as he was attempting to undress as quietly as he could while hawkishly monitoring the crib.

“I’m watching her,” he confirmed hoarsely as he tugged his jeans over his ankles. He’d already set out his bed on the floor and was standing on the comforter as he fought with his outfit. “Um… Is boxers and a shirt ok? Don’t have pajamas..”

“Whatever,” Sasuke said, observing with masked appreciation, the pinstriped boxers and the plain, fitted white tee that seemed to laminate itself across Naruto’s abdomen. Whatever, indeed. He could stand there like that all night if he wanted to. “You don’t need to whisper; she’s asleep.”

“Yeah but,” Naruto grunted, finally freeing himself, “I’m loud.”

“Tell me something I don’t know.” Sasuke shrugged. “Anyway, she’ll let you know if you’re too loud. Then I’ll hit you and Tsunade will kill you and you’ll know not to do it again.”

Naruto sniffed. “Sounds fair.”

“Pretty much.”

Sasuke rubbed his stomach, caught in an odd dichotomy of anxious and satisfied. The tension bothering him earlier had finally dissipated after his talk with Tsunade and the long, hearty dinner that had begun with dumplings and graduated to a three-course meal had helped. He hadn’t eaten so much since the time he and his brother had been home alone and Itachi hadn’t known how much to feed a six year old, or the times he and Naruto used to gorge themselves before training until they dropped, but he had to admit it felt good to be full. Then Naruto had turned up and even though he expected him; even though he had planned for the other to stay, he was still half-convinced he should just turf the jinchuuriki outside and deal with him in the morning. He wanted the worry to leave him, he wanted to feel safe around Naruto - he needed to. It was just hard being frightened in a space he’d finally settled in as his own. He needed to be safe, but at the same time, he needed Naruto to be there as well. Easing into bed, Sasuke watched Naruto glance toward the cot one last time, stretch, turn around three times before he settled under the sheets. Sasuke frowned.

“Is that a-”

“Fox thing? Yeah.” Naruto said, then grinned. “Nah, joking. I just jump on in like everyone else. Got you though!”

“We’ve camped together plenty of times. I know how you sleep, idiot.”

“Just a joke… Y’know, to lighten the mood.” Naruto chuckled. Suddenly he paused, frowned, then: “Kurama wants it noted that he thinks my jokes are stupid.”

“Kurama is right,” Sasuke raised a brow.

“Everyone’s a critic.”

“Hn,” Sasuke fought the urge to smirk as Naruto picked at the comforter, despondently. “Is he always listening? The Biju?”

“Kurama? Nah, he’s asleep a lot of the time. Or meditating. It’s kinda muffled in there and he can’t hear so well if I’m not talking to him directly.” Naruto shrugged. “Sometimes he pays attention when I’m nervous, but he doesn’t listen in if that’s what you’re worried about.”

“I’m not worried.” Sasuke negated, briskly. “And that’s pretty weird, having him just… there.”

“Yeah,” Naruto rolled on his side and propped his head up on the heel of his hand. “But we’ve kinda figured out our privacy issues.”

“I don’t want to know.”

“Well what about you?” Naruto pointed at Sasuke’s middle, hidden mostly by blankets. “Does the baby tell you anything? Or, y’know, communicate sorta?”

Sasuke looked down and pursed his lips thoughtfully. He hadn’t thought about it much, but now that he did he could certainly recount times when the kid became extra wiggly when he was anxious. And how he’d often receive a punt to the kidneys when his voice rose. Mikoto had despised some of the herbs the Kakkou put in their food and told him as much by pummeling his bladder.

“Sort of. Guess it’s to do with how much I move about or the rate of my heartbeat or something,” he mused. “If I had chakra, he might respond to that as well, but I don’t know. I don’t even know if he has chakra himself.”

“He does,” Naruto said. “Lots. So does Mikoto. They’re really strong, you don’t need to worry about that.”

Sasuke knew this, of course. He knew that Mikoto practically oozed the stuff (along with everything else that came out of her) and that his boy had the fruit of his pedigree coursing through his veins. He knew that his chakra was low and strongly suspected that the Kakkou may have crippled his ability to gain more even after he gave birth. But hearing the truth from Naruto’s mouth only served to steep the otherwise joyful information in a well of jealousy. Naruto could sense something about his children that he couldn’t. Naruto knew something about his own flesh and blood that he didn’t. It wasn’t fair. And yet, as maddening a thought as it was, Sasuke let it slide. Naruto could best him at a lot of things right now, it didn’t matter if there was one more to add to the list. His children had power. They could be taught to protect themselves. That was all he should care about.

“I don’t,” Sasuke said at length. Naruto shrugged again, nonplussed.

“Yeah. Well… I’m sure we’ll get your chakra back too, Sasuke. Just have to figure it out, right? Then you’ll be back to the way you were in no time.”

“The way I was…” Sasuke thought about that for a moment. He knew what Naruto meant and if he were honest with himself, he was champing at the bit to get his own form back and feel even the smallest spark of power coursing through his veins again. He’d even be happy even if all he could summon were a couple of Naruto’s half-formed henge attempts from his pre-genin days - the ones that could only pass as human if they were seen under very thin moonlight, during a hailstorm by someone in a very late stage of drunkenness. That would be something at least. But-

“I’m not worried about that right now,” he concluded. The dream of his former self was best left locked away until he had a spare thought to deal with it.

“Guess you can’t really, huh.” Naruto said, almost as ruefully. “So how much longer until the baby’s done?”

“He’s not a cake.” Sasuke grunted. “And three months. Round about.” He punched a nearby pillow a few times to revitalize the stuffing, then shoved it under the blanket to prop up his knee - an trick Nuja had taught him to sleep more comfortably. It worked wonders on his damaged ligaments as well.

“Look,” he said as he lay down. “I get the feeling you haven’t thought all this through, Dobe.”

“Thought what through?”

“You know that being associated with me looks bad. Especially since our past is so…”

“Involved? Complicated?”

“Public.” Sasuke brushed a few dangling pieces of hair out of his eyes. “With me out of the picture, you’re a hero. When I’m in it… Use your head, idiot, you can’t expect to retain the same type of support from the village when you’re speaking out for someone like me. I’m still referred to as a criminal.”

“We all said it before, Sasuke; we know what we’re doing. You just gotta let us do it.”

“Do what?” Sasuke hissed. “Help me… what? Fight against the system? Criticize the work of four generations of beloved leaders? There could be serious repercussions for you all! It’s bound to affect your shot at becoming Hokage. Some of those guys could be disowned for choosing the wrong side! You don’t know what clans are like, you were never part of one.”

“And you were only part of one,” Naruto replied, coolly. “Pretty sure not everyone hated the Uchiha. And same the other way.”

“It’s not that simple.”

“Maybe it is? Maybe that’s why having you let Miss Naoko publish that story is so important. Maybe everyone is so busy looking through the eyes of their own clan, they don’t realize what’s going on either. So if they did, they might change their mind. Might even want to help. When I’m Hokage, I’m gonna make sure everyone knows the truth too, so that everyone can make their own decisions. I think it’ll make our village stronger.”

“Stronger?” Sasuke sighed. “But if you become Hokage through some horrific lapse in judgment-”

“Hey!”

“- what happens if you’re pushed into reinstating the same system we have now? I can’t support you if that happens, Naruto. I won’t.”

It was then that Naruto suddenly became very aware of a wrinkle in the sheet by his elbow. He batted at it, trying to knock it smooth. “It doesn’t matter. Anyway, who said I would?” He muttered. “I’d change it. I’d make it better. I’m not a liar, Sasuke. I can be Hokage and change things too.”

“Try saying that with the damn hat on your head.”

“I say it now, I say it always. Hat or no. Why wouldn’t I? I said I loved you, dummy. I said I’d stand for you. You know that when I say things, I mean them.”

Sasuke glanced at his fingers, studying his nails. He’d said things too, once. He’d meant them. He still meant them, only-

“Sometimes things change.”

“I know.” Naruto said, pulling his blankets up over his shoulder as he rolled to face the wall. “And some things stay the same.” There was a pause. Heavy. Contemplative. When Naruto spoke again, his voice had lost its humor. It had dropped low, deep and resolute and his words hung in the air, too large to be considered in one conversation, but too poignant to remain unsaid. “Some things must always be the same, Sasuke. Even if they die. Even if the stars burn out and the world crumbles away. There are some things that can never be anything else.”

Naruto could fall asleep at the drop of a hat and could remain unconscious through anything from fire alarms to major cataclysms, but Sasuke wondered, after a comment as emotionally convicted as that, whether sleep would be on the cards for either of them. He wondered how often Naruto thought about the tsukiyomi - the life that he’d fabricated for the both of them. His lie. His trap. Did he wake at night, convinced he’d watched his lover dying in his arms, unable to be saved through any of his many, many talents and means? Was he sickened by the memory of his rampage; the lives he took, the earth he scorched as he sought to throw the world into a level of despair that could only match his own.

Could he still look at Sasuke, knowing that the man he said he loved had forced him to destroy everything he ever stood for. The man who drove him past sense and meaning. Sasuke, who was the only one to turn Naruto into the beast he’d spent his life rejecting. As much as Naruto said he loved him, Sasuke wondered how much of that might have been pure or simply worn down obligation.

#The Makeweight #the makeweight fanfiction #SNS #sasuke centric fics #sasuke au #naruto au #mpreg

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zimniysoldat-fiction · 7 years

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Robot Heart [Tony StarkxReader] 1

Summary: Sometimes you wonder if your boss even has a heart, or if it’s just the arc reactor.

Pairings: Tony Stark x reader

Warnings: Shades of angst, language.

Word Count: 1,437

A/N: Angsty angst angst-angst. Apparently a series? I thought this was going to be a one-shot, but again, I’ve been a wordy mother fucker. So I have no idea how long this will be. Or where it’s going in the end, really. Inspired by this song. Heavily inspired. Because I always think of Tony when I hear it.

Series Master List

Tony Stark is a narcissist.

Tony Stark is an egomaniac.

Tony Stark is the definition of vanity.

When you told anyone that you had applied to be Tony Stark’s new personal assistant, this is what you were faced with—‘Tony Stark loves himself’ in varying syntax. You would roll your eyes and ask how that made him different from your last boss, an international rock icon who died of an overdose while you were at your mother’s funeral. Every time people would point out Stark’s vanity, asking why you would want to work for ‘that man,’ you felt like they were ridiculing your decision, belittling your character, insinuating that you were too stupid and too weak to be prepared for what you were getting yourself into.

And that was just when they found out you applied.

When you were hired, it only got worse. On top of ridiculing your decision, they wanted gossip, swag, favours—whatever they could wring out of you so they could get their foot in the door. You knew these people weren’t real friends, they were leeches. Some of them were supposed to be family. You kept them all at an arm’s length, careful not to burn bridges, but also diligent in making sure they could never cross that bridge. As a result, you didn’t have very many people left in your life that you were close with, that you trusted. You had Tori, your former boss’s sister whom you loved like your own sister; Gwen, your friend since high school, who stubbornly stuck by your side and supported you—even in your darkest hours; and Hank, your brother, your rock, the only person who has been by your side through it all—all the pain, the loss, the hurt, and the triumph. The person who had lived it all with you.

Your new job forced you to leave them all behind, forced you to move across the country, when Stark decided to shift his base of operations to New York, a decision no doubt influenced by his role with the Avengers. So you were alone in a new city, your boss your only acquaintance. At least the bagels were good. Hell, they were fucking delicious.

“Good morning, Mr. Stark!” You smiled, carrying in a tray of coffee and a paper bag of breakfast orders.

Colonel James Rhodes and Harold Hogan were sat with Tony around the industrial workbench he called his desk. You quietly served each of them their breakfasts, before collecting the messy pile of papers Tony had stacked for you to take care of.

“Where’s your breakfast, Friday?” Tony almost sounded sincere, his lopsided grin and raised eyebrows putting on a good show of it.

“Why do you call her that, man?” Rhodes interjected, his eyes rolling to match his annoyance.

“She’s my girl Friday. What else would I call her?” The lopsided grin stayed, but his eyebrows furrowed as his attention shifted to his closest friend.

“Oh, I dunno,” Rhodes sighed sarcastically, “her name?”

“It’s fine, really, Colonel Rhodes. I don’t mind.” You jumped in, not wanting to cause a fight over something so silly. “And Mr. Stark, I ate my breakfast at home, before coming into work.” You refused to call him ‘Tony’ whenever he had anyone in his office, no matter how much he would protest.

“At home?” The grin was gone. “By yourself? That won’t do.”

“I promise it’s fine, Mr. Stark. I—”

“Tomorrow, be sure to pick up your own breakfast. We’ll have breakfast together from now on.” He interrupted you, his words assertive despite being muffled by a mouthful of bagel.

“Thank you, sir, but—”

“Don’t call me sir, I hate that.” He swallowed his food, “hell, I barely tolerate you calling me Mr. Stark.”

“Man, you’re making her uncomfortable,” Rhodes scolded Tony before turning to you. “Ignore Tony, he doesn’t know how to interact with people. Get out of here before he decides you have to exercise with him, too.” He smiled, but you knew that it wasn’t entirely in jest—there was a good chance that Tony would, in fact, find some other strange demand to heft on you.

This was a typical exchange between you and your boss, though it wasn’t always the case. Your first year with him was challenging, so much so that you kept your desk empty, not sure if each day was your last. His response to questions was always one word, curt, or even aggressive. His demands were mostly comprised of ‘why didn’t you do this last week?’ on items that had only come in that day. He was cold in demeanour and hot in temper—it had you walking on eggshells whenever you were dealing with him.

That was why you were so surprised when he insisted you move to New York with him, even offering to pay your rent, on top of the raise that he thought was obvious you were getting. Once you were settled on the east coast, nothing changed with your boss; not immediately, at least. It took a few months of growing loneliness and the accompanying depression, a few screwed up requests, and a quiet breakdown at work at 1am, when you thought you were safe to let it out in the small staff break room.

You had set him up for his call with a scientist in Australia, made sure he had everything and was satisfied before giving him the privacy that he insisted upon, and taking your leave. You knew that you wouldn’t be able to go home, not until after Tony was finished and had you wrap everything up. You were tired—exhausted—and you had been at his beck and call all day. You hadn’t even realized you missed Hank’s birthday until you got his drunk text while making yourself a cup of tea. It was enough to break the dam, and you found yourself sobbing uncontrollably. You did everything you could to muffle the sound, even though you were certain Tony wouldn’t be able to hear you, while your knees gave out under you, sending you crashing to the floor.

You were just beginning to regain control, your sobs growing quieter, when you felt the warmth and strength of his calloused hand grip your shoulder. You raised your head to see your boss crouching in front of you, a strange, sort of sad, sort of worried smile playing at the corners of his lips. You could feel the embarrassment sear through your veins and you couldn’t wipe away the tears fast enough under his intense stare.

“I didn’t break you, did I? Rhodey keeps saying I break assistants.” His words were nonchalant, blunt and matter-of-fact, but there was still a hint of humour in there, a coy self-deprecation that you were unaccustomed to coming from him.

You shook your head succinctly, feeling strands of hair rebel and escape from your updo. “I missed my brother’s birthday.”

You were surprised by how composed your voice sounded. Sure, there was a little bit of a tremble, and it was quite hoarse after all of that sobbing, but the words were clear, not hidden between sobs or hiccups. You couldn’t understand why he was smiling, why his eyes were so full of compassion (but not so full as to push out the smugness that usually danced around his pupils). And yet he was, and they were, and his hand still gripped your shoulder, the pressure firm enough to bring your awareness to it, but at just the right degree for you to find it oddly comforting.

“Brother?” You nodded timidly. “Is that the guy that I had Happy send that Rolex to? Hank, or something?” It was a rhetorical question that allowed him to gloat, but it didn’t make you any less confused.

“You—Han—huh?” You fumbled through your thoughts, unsure of what to say or what to ask.

“I saw it on your calendar this morning.” He shrugged like his actions were nothing short of normal for him, like it wasn’t a big deal, or that he did it with everyone, but he didn’t. He never did anything for anyone without at least three reminders.

Tony’s change wasn’t an overnight thing, not even close, though it had started that night. Bit by bit, he grew nicer. Bit by bit, his sense of humour began to show. Bit by bit, he seemed to become more comfortable with your presence. After ten months of growing bit by bit, he insisted on your having breakfast with him at the office. What was next? A day off?

TAGS: @oneshot-shit; @marvel-ash; @bovaria; @hymnofthevalkyries; @archangel-trauma; @bionic-buckyb; @lostinspace33; @bucky-plums-barnes; @marvel-fanfiction; @jacks-on-krack

#tony stark x reader #tony stark #iron man #avengers #marvel #robot heart #am writing

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babiewonho · 6 years

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Haechan cc Anon . I hope you can asnwer me here and if you don't want to keep the sort of out of context post on your blog, I'll screenshot it so u can delete it the next day (I'm going to sleep). Thanks a lot, take good care

okay sorry take TWO…it took me a few days to get back to this bc it sapped so much energy when i typed out my first reply and then it got deleted + i have been adjusting to spring semester but i have some time now @.@ so first of all intuition wise i do not feel like he is in Danger or deeply upset. if that means anything depends completely on if u care about/trust in that sort of thing but anyways…to put you at peace somewhat

i do feel like it’s unavoidable for idols to have disordered eating at the very least if they do not eds which can obviously sometimes happen and we have seen it unfortunately.

for the dreamies they said their diets are more preventative than restrictive as in they try to Prevent weight gain instead of trying to lose it quickly by just making the right dietary choices. i do agree dh has lost a lot of weight over the years but at the same time i think he mostly carries weight in his face and this creates the illusion of a chubby/fatter body when actually he has always been fairly slim and probably looked bigger in part bc he seems to be one of the quicker-to-develop rookies like in group pics he is like 2nd to mark before they all caught up to him. i really think his cheeks fool people (not necessarily you) into thinking his whole body is soft and chubby when he’s always been average/slim and kids having fat is normal anyways.

i’m sure he has lost some weight lately bc he has been promoting so HARD and im sure that comes at a price of not having time to eat/not eating enough/forgoing eating to sleep etc + they are doing SO MUCH PHYSICAL ACTIVITY and must be annihilating the calories they do consume. it seems almost impossible they’d have anything but a deficit and at least maintain their slim bodies

i do agree that articles abt appearances tend to glamorize unhealthy or impossible to maintain weights like w/ w*ndy…unfortunately this is equated with goodness and perfection…imo and i dont necessarily have proof of this, i feel like dh is just someone who is Hungrier than others and maybe it takes more food for him to feel satisfied or perhaps he isn’t Hungry but just loves food. i remember on a czennies wld like this too ep taeyong and taeil were talking abt how haechan like absolutely devoured some crab and other food and like went into a trance and definitely overate and regretted it meanwhile some ppl like renjun are naturally super slim and they admittedly dont eat as much bc they just dont feel like it/arent as hungry/food isnt as appealing to them as others. i think that’s kind of the case with dh and think he has to diet harder than the others to compensate for that tendency to binge or just overeat carelessly (which is concerning and disordered but i feel like all idol’s diets are and that is just an unfortunate thing about the industry) but at the same time i do feel like some idols eat fairly normally?? even chenle seems to just eat the way he wants and doesnt seem very unhappy, but then again i am only on the outside

as for his weight gain it definitely makes sense bc his mom has been cooking him a lot of food/probably got concerned at his skinny idol appearance/hc has lost the ability to exercise to burn off excess calories he may be consuming. it’s the perfect equation for weight gain. i think bc of his health issue they will try to ease him back into it. i genuinely do think that and i think he will go on a diet to prepare but there’s just no way they can make him lose it all at once when he will be slowly regaining mobility anyways. it might even be the case that when he is removed from that environment where he is probably being lovingly encouraged to overeat and rest that the weight will come off on its own as he stops eating in excess and returns to a more normal portion size, at least returns to his body’s comfortable weight. at the very least it’s a good thing he got to be well nourished in this time and relax!

i understand that it feels like there is a lot of fixation on his body. personally i feel like a big part of this is bc actually a lot of dh stans like to victimize him and while i am not saying that nothing bad ever happens to him or they’re being unreasonable i think when you see so many people talking abt injustices that may or may not be ACTUALLY happening it is hard not to be concerned. i have heard ppl propose that he has an ed like hundreds of times and that’s why i pay close attention to him, but it’s hard to determine what is overly worrying and what is just like…the standard disordered eating of an idol. as someone with an ed myself he doesn’t raise any HUGE red flags for me even though i do and always will keep an eye on him esp bc he is so young. i think he is mostly okay for now genuinely.

we cannot control the future or even know for sure of course but i hope we can both just take comfort in the fact that at present he is sitting at home eating yummy food and being with his family and gaming

#eating disorder tw #eating disorders #ed tw #long post #asks

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canaryatlaw · 8 years

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So today was pretty good. Busy, but not overly crazy. Still tired though. Sigh. I woke up at 9:45 and decided I was gonna be lazy and get another half hour of sleep by ubering to school (because who cares about money right???) so I closed my eyes again and it felt like a second later I was awake again, lol. Oh well. Got to school, stopped by the PAD office quickly to gather what art supplies they had then went the classroom we had booked and set up for the event. It went pretty well, though it didn't really have very many people come sadly.....but we still made a shit ton of Valentine's Day cards (none of which actually say happy Valentine's Day because deadlines sending them in and shit but they're mostly Valentine's Day themed) like maybe about 50 or so, and we had fun so that's all that matters to me tbh. We also had a lot of leftover pizza haha so the lounge was happy about that. I had made sure to buy some like little animal stickers in addition to the hearts because I wanted to make sure we could make some boy cards too haha. But yeah, it went well and I returned the stuff to the PAD office then changed into my sneakers and walked down the block to the bus, then took it up to the gym. It was like 1:45 by the time I got there and I didn't have to be back at school till like 5, so I had plenty of time. I did the arm and leg machines for a while, then did some of the abdominals but tried really hard not to over-exert myself because tomorrow I'm going back to my kickboxing gym for the first time since July (it's actually a Krav Maga class I'm going to, but being that I belong to two gyms now I'm gonna keep referring to it as my kickboxing gym) and I didn't want to hurt myself and screw that up. And I think I did pretty good with that. After that I did a full hour on the exercise bike which was a throwback to the spring when I did that every day lol. I'm always doing like a moderate speed, but for like 30 seconds to 1 minute spurts I'll sometimes just go super fast and the rotations will go up to like 135 per minute and I feel like I'm totally in beast mode, even just for the moment lol. But it was a good work out and I was satisfied with it. Caught the bus back to school, and hung out in the PAD office for a little and learned more about the school mock trial team's mess at the competition. Apparently they got their scores back and they were like, horrific. Like 3 out of 20, which they KNOW has to be bullshit because they're so much better than that but were under-graded in pretty much every round, to the point where one judge had circles their side on the scorecard and then erased it and picked the other one. Stupid school politics shit. They need to just not do that competition anymore, because it clearly isn't about actually being the best. Sigh. It was also at this point I got the email about the interview for the summer internship interview for Monday I mentioned earlier, so I was happy about that. At 5:15 I had to go to a Lexis training (lexis nexis is one of the main legal research databases) they're making us do for LARC 3, and I mean it was fine just pretty boring and not anything I didn't already know most of or could've figured out very quickly. Oh well. It got out at 5:45 and of course class starts at 5:50, so I scrambled up there of course and then we were in class. I was like, totally checked out during this class for reasons I can't even fully articulate. It just felt really difficult to stay engaged and really pay attention. I didn't raise my hand at all, and I normally do at least once in that class. We did manage to get through all the cases that were assigned last week and didn't do last week, which was like 5 or 6, but didn't get to this week's case so it looks like we'll just be perpetually behind a week. It was strange though, the prof will be like "okay, let's go over this case" but then be like "well the opinion is pretty straight forward" and basically skip over it and just talk about the notes at the end of the case and it's just like........is this what our test is gonna be on? Cuz this isn't really helping, lol. She let us out a little after 8 though so that was nice. Walking home was kind of brutal because my pants were really thin because I needed to be able to wear them to the gym and they were the only ones I could find (became apparently looking in my hamper of clean clothes didn't occur to me). So that was kind of rough, but whatever. Got home and decided to watch Arrow just because, I debated watching the flash instead but I kind of wanted to see what they were doing on Arrow. The episode was pretty meh really. I do love the idea of Talia al Ghul being the person that actually trained Oliver as the arrow because that's just all kinds of amazing, but I found the present day plot kind of hard to follow and just kind of weird. The Quentin and Rene (see I know his name now!!) stuff was cute lol but the Russian stuff was kind of meh. "Dinah" (she will always be referred to in quotation marks with that name) having her little chat with Oliver was interesting, but other than that I don't think she really added much. It also seemed kind of odd that they'd bench Rene but bring this woman they met what, a week ago? And the Oliver/reporter thing is just plain weird, and I don't like her at all. I have to say though, how is it possible anybody in star city doesn't know by now that Oliver is the green arrow???? I mean, you really have to be checked out to not see that by this point. But yeah, the episode wasn't great to me. And that was basically it, after that just got ready for bed and that was it. Tomorrow's gonna be ridiculously busy, I have work 9-5 (and will be getting in front of a judge, ahh!!) then my gym class from 5:30-6:15, then have to run back to the loop quickly for a 6:30 little conference with my LARC professor because this was literally the only time I could make it work, then back to church (which is like two blocks from the gym) at 7:30 for small group. Yeah, should definitely be interesting. On that note though I'm going to go to bed and get some sleep for my busy day. So goodnight loves. Stay awesome.

#daily journal #February 2017

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homewecomesblog · 3 years

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21 Days To Healthy Eating The Best Fat Loss

Product Name: 21 Days To Healthy Eating: Realizing Your Fat Loss Goals One Meal At A Time Click here to get 21 Days To Healthy Eating: Realizing Your Fat Loss Goals One Meal At A Time at discounted price while it's still available... All orders are protected by SSL encryption – the highest industry standard for online security from trusted vendors. 21 Days To Healthy Eating: Realizing Your Fat Loss Goals One Meal At A Time is backed with a 60 Day No Questions Asked Money Back Guarantee. If within the first 60 days of receipt you are not satisfied with Wake Up Lean™, you can request a refund by sending an email to the address given inside the product and we will immediately refund your entire purchase price, with no questions asked. Description: Get our free "Beat Your Hunger" report here! Your email is safe with me and you can leave at any time. From Carolyn Hansen's desk (certified fitness instructor) My name is Caroline Hansen and the book 21 Days for the Best Healthy Diet is designed to help you reshape your approach to food so that you can quickly begin to enjoy the health benefits of eating clean, unprocessed foods. At the same time, it makes no sense to adjust eating habits if new habits cannot be easily maintained indefinitely. Therefore, the 21-day healthy diet plan emphasizes the “one meal at a time” approach, which makes it easier to follow daily decisions for health in the long run. If you have tried the diet after the meal, without any change in your eating habits, you will be pleasantly surprised about the approach taken here, where you can implement real changes in the 21-day course, ending where you started. Here Is What This Healthy Eating System Is NOT I want to take a moment before I tell you what 21 days is for a healthy diet. I think I should do this because one of the main goals of the book is to teach you how to burn fat efficiently by changing the type, amount, and frequency of food you eat. So whatever you say, the book is a fat loss tool. Because of this, I think it is necessary to point out that there are many fake weight loss sites online today, but this is not one of them. This is unfortunate, but it is very difficult to make an objective judgment about what these sites are realistic for consumers and when it comes to expectations about what a weight loss product can do for them. The problem is so pervasive that the Fed spends time and resources alerting the public to what to look for with these sites. They even have a very detailed and useful downloadable PDF document entitled Red Flag False Weight-Loss Claims. Simply put, look for sites that say you can easily lose more than a pound a day and never recover, without engaging in a strenuous physical activity program and cutting calories from your diet. By the way, you will not find such claims on this page. I can help you lose weight, and the only thing I hope to do at work is my knowledge of how the human body responds to nutrition. My feeling is that these fake weight loss sites are probably run by people who have never seen the inside of a gym, let alone spend real time figuring out what works when trying to lose weight in an effective way. . Well, I have a completely different cut. Goodbye junk food? 21 days for a healthy diet is not a product of "losing weight overnight", but I have now poured into you the idea that it is based on practical healthy eating methods, I will tell you what the book is about. ... If you take a quick look at the cover of my book below, you will see that every day we are the butt of a war of battles with junk food. However, in all its severity, it is a war whose purpose is increasing every day and affecting not only our health but also the health of our children: one-third of those born after 2000 will experience some form of diabetes in their life. My goal is not to completely eliminate junk food from your diet, but to reduce it significantly and permanently. This is a realistic goal, and I will show you how to get rid of that "empty calorie" food hunger almost completely. This approach to healthy eating is suitable for anyone who wants to win the war on junk food without engaging in endless ego-elimination battles with their diet. It is not too late to reconsider Eating certainly worries many of us. It would be nice if the fact that what we put in our body is not one of the two most important factors determining how our health improves with age. The other important factor is, of course, physical activity. One of the biggest problems we each face daily is that it is incredibly easy to set aside physical activity in favor of sitting in front of one type or another monitor while we are awake. We no longer need to expend energy to produce socially. I use a monitor to write this page and you use one to read it. At the same time, access to large quantities of food has never been easier. The problem is, these two advances go against our basic biology and set us up for a lifetime struggle with weight problems. We gain self-awareness (and frankly, we need to be self-conscious), but instead of dealing with the problem the right way, we add exercise to our day and keep things simple about what we eat. Help us put ourselves and our lives back on track. Well, I have dedicated my life to solving problems like this for others and now I want to help you achieve some of the results they have achieved. The truth is, it's okay if you've already developed health problems due to bad eating habits or you want to avoid health problems that you suspect may be lingering on the horizon. If you begin to deal with the problem of what to do to ensure that you are eating for health, rather than just pleasure and necessity, you will see some real benefits in the way you feel. Not just for a short time, but for the rest of your life. Healthy eating is not something that can only be practiced by "health freaks" who want to regain nature. This is something we all need to practice because it will improve our quality of life and add many years to its duration. Put An End To Overeating Today After all, healthy eating is just as enjoyable. When you figure out how to eat for health, you will find out how to eat all the food you want without the guilt that affects many of us, and put a real brake on our ability to enjoy life. If the thought of enjoying your next meal fills you with fear due to the real possibility of overeating, you can relax now, because I am going to show you how to start once again to fully appreciate the food, but without sacrificing your health. Do it. Very few appreciate that the almost uncontrollable desire to eat beyond what is fully realized by past generations is something we have planned in our modern lifestyles. We have traded for easy access to the nutritional quality of our food. Every time we reach another box or processed food we create an invisible trade: we trade our long-term health perspective for a short-term convenience. Us quickly and almost without any effort. To us. Your body is robbed daily of the nutrients it needs to function at its peak, resulting in rebellion - a biological hunger for overeating. In order to maintain healthy body weight and control the amount of food you eat, it is essential to find out for yourself the truth about what you are eating. Re-establish control of your health Having the pleasure of buying your food today in a supermarket without this knowledge, you believe that the big food companies will put your health benefits above your profit line so that they can continue to provide you with good service and longevity. If that were true, we would not see the epidemic of obesity and chronic food-related health problems today, the extent of which threatens to undermine our future well-being as individuals, but as epic ways of dealing with the disease as a community. Size. The truth is, you alone have the power to ensure your longevity and quality of life. If someone comes to me and tells me that they have decided to become a doctor, I would be surprised if they tell me that they plan to do so without going to medical school first. Similarly, if someone tells me that they expect to live a long healthy life, but plan to do so without paying any attention to the quality of the food they eat, I would be surprised. Your desire to allow your ignorance about the role of nutrition in your life to reduce its duration to 10 years. In 21 days for healthy eating, you will find recipes that will guide you in the kitchen and supermarket. You will learn what foods to follow and what to avoid. Most importantly, you will understand the very best reasons behind the decision to get a category of food in your cart and leave others on the shelf. You are a fighter. In the junk food war, whether you know it or not, like all your family members. This is the best time to equip ourselves with the knowledge that everyone needs to wage that war. With 21 days of healthy food in the closet, you will be ready to fight those battles and achieve daily victories., which will not only give you extra days but also increase your lifespan. I want you to experience the same satisfaction and well-being that I enjoy every day, mostly because of the simple decisions I make every time I sit down to eat. What are 21 days in a healthy diet? I’ve written before on the topic of healthy eating, but never for the detailed length found in this book. All the facts that are really important on this topic are filtered and presented in a format that will make it easier to start a very challenging process. After all, you have learned a lifetime of bad eating habits that can be hard to break. You will break them down after 21 days of studying for a healthy diet and starting to put ideas into practice. In addition to the 21-day attack plan, the content is divided into 12 sections as follows: 1 - You really are what you eat Old Maxim's “What you eat” is not only true, it is frightening in the context of the terrifyingly low quality of today’s food. What we eat is that most of our bodies are made up almost entirely of corn. This is not a joke. In this chapter, you will be introduced to the purpose of the challenge you face today as you return to “food” as a way to quench your hunger. It definitely sounds like food. But is that it? What are the consequences of building our body from cheap foods that reflect the real thing? You will learn why the wrong approach in terms of sustainable weight loss is why you will become addicted to hunger and food cravings if you do not stop chasing the miracle food fantasy. 2 - Calories and toxins together make you fat Would you be surprised to know that only the total number of calories in the foods you eat makes you fat? it's true. There is another component of your diet that no one talks about, and that also makes you fat. If you ignore this fat loss factor, your efforts to lose weight will always stop, no matter how hard you try. Eliminate these elements from your diet and then you can see the pounds drop. 3 - How a clean diet accelerates weight loss This is the heart of the book: Introduction to the concept of clean food. This is the solution to the problem discussed in the second chapter and is the key to easy weight control. It is a guiding principle on how to follow a healthy diet so that you can determine how to prepare your food for the greatest long-term health benefits. But don’t worry: eating a healthy diet is not something that is all-encompassing, it will fall off the healthy eating bandwagon after a month. Rather, it is a prudent approach to nutrition, which is the main benefit of stabilizing blood sugar levels. This one change will mark the difference between a life of constant health struggles and life of re-enabling the enjoyment of daily activities. 4 - Eliminate HFCS and trans fats from your diet Be prepared to control your shopping cart as we work to remove the most harmful foods from your inventory. Knowing how to analyze a food ingredient label will get you on your way to making healthier food choices, and you may wonder why warnings are not heeded quickly. In short, the presence of a food label is the first indicator that the food you have should not go into your shopping cart. This is not an absolute rule of thumb, you will learn to go into the dark waters of food ingredient terms. You know what to avoid and why you do it. 5 - Become a designer of your weight loss goals It's time to start using our new knowledge of natural and processed foods to make decisions about how to choose the right foods for our goals of maintaining healthy body weight. If you have to lose a few pounds, you will learn the best way to do it in the kitchen. You will be introduced to the concept of a “balanced diet” and appreciate the role of each type of food that goes into creating a balanced diet. All foods are one kind or another currency for your body. If you do not reach balance, your body suffers for a short time and your health deteriorates for a long time. Balance is important for longevity. This chapter concludes with some examples of a balanced diet according to the structure provided. 6 - Nutrition of the XXI century Now that we have mastered food selection, we can begin to create food that solves problems that others may fall prey to using an approach that does not guide others in food preparation. This will introduce you to a completely new way to see when and how much to eat. I'm going to tell you to push the three whole foods of the one-day philosophy you grew up with and replace it with a diet that calms appetite, stabilizes blood sugar, and stimulates overeating. Don’t worry, it’s less intense than it sounds. Most importantly, it works! 7 - Planning to lose weight: One meal at a time A disruptive approach to anything in life can lead to unpredictable results. So, let me show you how to plan your diet for the best weight loss results. If you want the pounds to be shed continuously, you will benefit from the systematic approach taught here. I will show you how to improve your chances of lasting success by adhering to habits that almost guarantee you will never miss more than one meal period. You will be given success measure measures such as calorie counting, and see how they can be used, at least initially, to guide you. You will also learn the importance of measuring body composition in the battle of fat loss. 8 - First 7 days to lose fat - Find breakfast again To see how we can rearrange breakfast to fit our new dietary rules, this is part of the book that dedicates the first 7 days of our 21 days to healthy eating. You will learn to monitor your food intake in the short term until your new diet is established, and it will follow automatically. We conclude the chapter with some examples of breakfasts that will meet our goals. 9/10 - Second 7 days to lose fat - Lunch / Last 7 days to lose fat - Delightful dinner I cut and cut for lunch and dinner, so you can do this too. These two chapters cover the remaining two-thirds of our 21-day plan for restructuring your diet and getting healthy. You will be given a ton of recipe ideas to use straight from the pages of the book. 11 - The Challenges of Eating Clean Being green is not easy. Or eat clean. At least not all the time. So in this chapter, I will address the challenges related to healthy eating and present some tips to help you stay on the right track. Let’s face it, trying to avoid processed foods is just as challenging as trying to ignore noise pollution. It is coming at you from all directions, and you need to be careful most of the time if you want to be in front of the curve. But it can be done, and I will show you how. 12 - Your ticket to losing solid colored body fat Finally, in the last chapter, we will quickly look at other important factors that determine how your health improves according to your age. I will remind you if I am not pointing you in the right direction, I am definitely talking about physical exercise, and it is an important element for any successful fat loss strategy. If you believe you can better control your body weight by eating a healthy diet, you will. But for best results, you can not ignore the role of physical activity. I will tell you how to get those exercise results in a very short time. Well, now you have a good idea of what my 21-day approach to healthy eating is About The next part is yours. If you want to start upgrading A proven path to sustainable fat loss by mastering health and your diet Habits, you know what to do next ... Yes, Caroline. I am ready to teach you how to start enjoying yourself. Feed again as much as possible. I can eat without it Whatever I have to worry about in my mouth, I am You are ready to show me the way! Send me a copy of 21 Days Healthy Food In PDF format, readable by any PDF reader, such as Adobe Reader ... Although I try my best not to make any promises on this side of the Socialist Party, Here is something you can take to the bank! After 21 days of reading for healthy eating, you still can’t believe my book is alive Keep the promise, or for some reason not satisfied, you can Email me a refund immediately. In fact. If it turns out to be one of the few for whom “21 days for healthy eating” doesn’t strike a craving, so I don’t want your money. Of course, I tried my best to exaggerate this product, I think When it’s in your hands, you’ll almost agree that I’m a fan of mine Dedication to quality, because I know what it is Make my customers happy. Either way, because I use ClickBank to process orders, and because it is their policy, the refund guarantee is good for a full 60 days. To Your Lifelong Healthy Eating, Author, Fitness Centre Owner & National Champion Bodybuilder Copyright © Carolyn Hansen · 21 Days To Healthy Eating · About · Privacy Disclaimer · Terms Of Use · Contact Us · Affiliates · Site Map Click here to get 21 Days To Healthy Eating: Realizing Your Fat Loss Goals One Meal At A Time at discounted price while it's still available... All orders are protected by SSL encryption – the highest industry standard for online security from trusted vendors. 21 Days To Healthy Eating: Realizing Your Fat Loss Goals One Meal At A Time is backed with a 60 Day No Questions Asked Money Back Guarantee. If within the first 60 days of receipt you are not satisfied with Wake Up Lean™, you can request a refund by sending an email to the address given inside the product and we will immediately refund your entire purchase price, with no questions asked. Read the full article

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