#mostly because i just wrote the BEST little twist that is perfect considering where we are in regular galidraan

[itstimeforstarwars]

Before I post the next galidraan inspired, I would just like to note that sometimes the oneshot does contain hints about what is going to happen in regular galidraan and sometimes the oneshot is an au that will not happen in regular galidraan and l am going to try and not spoil which is which :)

[familyagrestefanblog]

Analysis of the Family Agreste Portrait

Quarantine strikes again and since the Agreste family portrait has fascinated me for a loooong while now I decided to put my thoughts into words and write another essay x3

The amount of informations we get out if it is amazing and its not only highlighting the absolute TRAGEDY it is that this family is about to face such a horrible fall out, it also hints at the former family dynamic before everything went to hell.

So make yourself comfortable and get something to drink, because we will be here for a while.

Here we go: My analysis of this beauty of a fictional portrait

Let's start with the most obvious one: Hawkmoth.

Its commen knowledge by now that the background makes it seem like Hawkmoth is standing behind the Agreste family like a bad omen waiting for fate to take its course and cause their doom. The portrait is brilliantly designed so the illusion is created that Gabriels body (here in a blue suit closer to Hawkmoths normals dark purple one) overlaps with Hawkmoths and a darker line is connecting the two faces as well, which rest on the same height right beside each other. The very same line grows bigger as it goes further behind Emilie - coloring her entire background - showing us that EMILIE is all Gabriel sees when he becomes Hawkmoth. But notice that Adrien on the other hand can hardly be concidered part of Gabriels “sight” at all.

Its forshadowing 101 and damn beautiful if I may say so. But this isnt what I want to focus on in this post.

I want to elaborate on two other key factors that tell us about the former dynamic of the Agrestes instead and what they tell us about the present and future.

The heart:

This is hitting me on another level because look at the heart these three form with Adrien right in the middle! He was so LOVED. This family may have never been anywhere close to ideal but still, there was LOVE and now he's gonna loose it all.

Adrien already lost his mother which led to his father getting even more distant and cold and now his father is becoming increasingly more abusive as he falls deeper and deeper into villainy. Gabriel was never a good father, the show has already made this clear with episodes like "the bubbler", “the collector” or "Gigantitan" for example but gosh there was hope for their little family! The end scene in "Jackady" portrayed it perfectly and I wrote a whole other post just covering the sigificants of Adriens and Gabriels hug in that episode. Check it out here if you want, it goes hand in hand with this one.

Miraculous is all about love and the completely different ways it can affect us, our behavior and actions. Because love isnt just wonderful, pure and empowering, it also can be twisted, destructive and cause the darkst nightmares. And with this family the writers know how to portray the complex love in an abusive houshold thats destined to go up in flames and they also know how to hint at their troubled past with the family portrait.

But this heart visual tells us even more in connection with the positions of their hands. And with these two key factors, lets start with Gabriel:

His hands convey it so strongly. He loves/d Emilie and Adrien so much and no doubt this love for them was certainly the reason why he started his quest as Hawkmoth. But he is now losing himself more and more in the pleasure of his villainy to the point where he forgets why he's doing it in the first place and becomes a complete monster (of a father). But this turn and spiraling into villainy didn't came out of nowhere - this root already had to be in him to grow like that. And this is also something the portrait indeed hints at as well.

Because Gabriel is the only one of the three who:

1. We see so completely open and without hesitation reach out and hold BOTH his family members.

2. Is visually “cut off” from them as well.

But this doesn't mean he was excluded and the only one who truly cared and loved, it just shows that things were more... complicated...as usual.

This is best explained with Adriens hand placements:

One hand is holding his mothers but the other one is visibly not reaching out for his father. But as we all know, that's not because Adrien doesn't love him. In season 1-3 it is made more than clear that Adrien does not hate his father - he loves him alot and tries to be there for him and be patient because he knows that the loss of his mother brought his father terribly down.

Sure, Adrien gets frustrated and angry with him, literally how could he not?? But Adrien tries his best to reach out to Gabriel so they can bond and come out of this tragedy stronger.

But this loving willingness to forgive his father for the chance of growing a father-son bond with him doesn't change the fact that these two didn't had a bond prior to this. And let's be honest here, does anybody actually think this distance between them was caused by Adrien? I don't think so.

So notice how Adriens hand - not reaching out for his fathers - is the only one in the portrait NOT inside or forming the heart.

When the connection of the hands between the family members symbolise their connection to another, then Adrien keeping the hand for his father away from the display of love is VERY telling. It tells us very directly what this distance did to Adriens side of the relationship. Despite Gabriels hand being right there, Adrien does not meet the gesture. And I cannot believe that he did it out of resentment, nothing in the show indicated such strong negative emotions from past Adrien.

It's much more likely that Adrien not reaching for his fathers hand is meant to show us that Adrien felt that he either CAN'T return the gesture because he fears that it'll end in an unpleasant reaction from Gabriel - that it isn't Adriens "place" to reach out to his busy and distant father like that, like it's demanding something - or Adrien simply didn't took Gabriel laying his hand on his shoulder, in the context of posing for a portrait, as a gesture of love and affection.

The way I interpret the portrait is that prior to Emilies dissappearence Adrien did not exactly try to reach out to his father the same way he did from s1-s3, which, I mean, of course wasn't the case. Not only is it NOT the 13 years olds (or younger) job to form an emotional connection to their absent parent - when that’s the PARENTS job - it also wouldn't be necessarily "needed" for Adrien to do so.

Because Emilie at this point was still in the picture so and she was the complete opposite. She was a (or maybe the ONLY) safe, reliable and loving constant of parental attention, affection and care in his life and because of these two HARSH contrasts Adrien learned from very early on to focus mostly completely on her in that regard while kinda blocking his father out.

That most likely wasn't even an active choice whatsoever - Gabriel proofed to be an unreliable resource so Adrien learned to subconciously treat him that way out of self protection. That doesn't mean he had any kind of dislike or malice against his father it just means that he wasn't able or allowed to connect with Gabriel the way he needed. Several episodes show that Gabriel deadass only parented like 15 minutes tops in his life with one of the worst offenders kinda being “Gigantitan” ngl.

So yeah, when I see that the portrait wants to tell me that prior to Emilies loss, Adrien - a 12-13 year old at most - is THIS used to rely solely on the strong bond he has with his mother and not even really reaching out for his fathers love, then I can't help but interpret it in the way that... Well... Gabriel was so distant and emotionally unreliable to Adrien for all his life, that Gabriel simply... wasn't needed by his son. Not at that point of time at least.

And while this may seem weird, because obviously Adrien only now starts to stop craving for his fathers affection and approval (which is btw a horrible, HORRIBLE thing and not something good. A half orphan losing the last remaining hope he had left of having the chance to finally get to form a bond with the only other parent he has left, just to be crushed by disappointment and abandonment all over again until he let's go, is REALLY NOT as much of a good thing people will make it out to be. This is... plain awful) it's actually quite logical.

Adriens hand outside the heart doesn't mean that his father meant nothing to him and therefore refuses to meet and accept his affection (that's literally the complete opposite of what the show shows us), it means that Adriens and Gabriels father-son relationship suffers from a fatal emotional disconnection caused by miscommunication/ a lack of communication.

And this was caused by Gabriel. How? Let me elaborate on that by going a bit far afield (cuz lbh we all have time for this. I’m writing this in quarantine and youre reading this is quarantine, so lets gooooooooooooo).

In "The bubbler" Adrien says that his father "always forgot his birthday", but I cannot agree with this in true honesty. Gabriel is controlling his sons entire life, calls him "the epitome of perfection" and temporarily truly gave up being Hawkmoth for him, he definitely never forgot Adriens birthday.

"The bubbler" even SHOWS us that Adriens perspective of the situation is actually not the truth:

This is Adriens first birthday after Emilies dissappearence and it's incredibly telling how Gabriel handles the planning.

What this entire little sequence tells me is that Gabriel is completely and UTTERLY used to NOT be the one to take care of anything related to Adriens birthday. So Emilie was always the one who did it but somehow - now without her - Gabriel apparently still hasn't even considered changing anything about that nasty non-involvement and just expected Natalie to pick everything up where Emilie left it.

Because let's be real here, knowing Natalie she would NOT have forgotten to get a present if Gabriel truly had told her to. Natalie is never presented to do mistakes like that but Gabriel on the other hand IS definitely presented to us claiming things about himself as ultimate, blameless and true when they simply do not reflect reality. A great example: Gorizilla

You didn’t even speared a minutes of your time for Adrien and he DID try to! Asshat… It's a problem guys. The lack of self awareness Gabriel displays in moments like this is legitimately concerning when you think about how deeply this man is falling right now.

But back to the topic:

Because even if Gabriel didn't even consider doing anything himself for Adriens birthday - not even taking the time to SEE his son (who just recently lost his mother, come on Gabe, really?) - one thing one cannot hold against him: he sure as hell remembered Adriens birthday like any decent parent would and it wasnt portrayed as a this-year-for-the-first-time thing.

And yet Adriens statement still makes complete sense. Because a big, BIG problem with Gabriel is just how much he takes things for granted. He EXPECTS things to be universally known and to never be doubted, just because that's how HE sees them. I will write 10 essays if it's needed to make people understand that Gabriel DOES truly love Adrien, it's just that Gabriel HIMSELF is such a rotten, twisted and toxic person that he cannot see how much his (oppressing) behavior and the way he (doesn't) express his love hurts Adrien and that HE is the one at fault. (for more, once again, read this)

Gabriel LOVES Adrien but he takes the love he feels as such a matter-of-fact that he just completely... forgets to show it.

And when we take Adriens words and look at the Family portrait it unfortunately seems that...

…. Gabriel ALWAYS forgot to show it.

Adriens hand - that should at least be reaching out to his father - is outside of the heart in accepting certainty. Because that's what Gabriels non-presence was for Adrien while growing up: an unreliable and unreachable certainty he had to accept early on as safer to not try to emotionally depend on too much or else he will get hurt.

So yeah, Adrien is the one in the portrait who is very openly not reaching out but only because Gabriel never gave him the needed affection and stability to be able to create that bond.

But let me correct what I said a little earlier: Adrien ALWAYS needed his father. Every kid, especially one in a bad situation like Adrien, does need their parents/friends etc as support system to become independent and confident in a healthy way. And if they don’t have that they WILL crave and look for it!

What Adrien has been doing up to now IS normal for a teenager - humans NEED affection, belonging and safety. What ISNT/SHOULDN’T be normal is Adriens disconnection towards his father in the portrait and just how much Gabriel fails to take care and BE THERE for his son in BOTH TIMES!

Collector:

Bother Christmas:

One thing I like about the show is that it portrays their young main cast with one very important truth: The psyche of a child/teenager of their age will react and adapt so it SURVIVES, even if it results in unfortunate consequences in other relationships and places. Thats the psyches main concern and it'll try to cope with the limited experience and development it has in whatever way necessary to get itself to the next day. A coping mechanism is not there to make you a better person, it ensures your SURVIVAL, everything else is a secondary concern.

So seeing pre-show Adrien not react to Gabriels touch and even feel completely unloved and disconnected from him is no surprise to me. Kids are incredibly observant. They may lack the needed experience and knowledge to truly understand that they deserve better and to stand up for themselves but they are masters in picking up red flags in people and can put this danger into perspective while comparing the different danger levels of their options of people and places to adjust their behavior.

Feast:

Stormy Weather 2:

So the broken connection between father and son we see in the portrait (that Gabriel doesn't even notice but Adrien fully internalized) isn’t there because Adrien “didnt needed” or wanted his father, its because Adrien NEEDED Gabriel so much in his isolated upbringing but Gabriel didn’t LET him need him - so Adrien had to adjust to that accordingly. Big, huge, ENORMOUS difference.

Honestly the most miraculous thing about Miraculous is that Adrien was able to bring up the strength to stay positive and friendly and to forgive Gabriel in hope for a better future. That boys situation is 7 kinds of depressing and traumatizing...

It's just flabbergasting to me how well this portrait shows how basically non-existent their relationship was at that point. And it's horrible to know that this estranged and unformed bond is all Adrien had left after Emilie dissappeared, just alot worse because after Emilie incident Adrien states that his father changed alot for the worse as well.

So to think that all Adrien had left wasn't even this former basically non-existent relationship with his aloof father - who would only barely show his true affection for his son because he's either not around enough to do so or he thinks it "unnecessary to proof his affection" for/to Adrien because he already thinks it so obvious and undoubtable.

Well he thought wrong. And GOSH, it breaks my heart!

So now comparing the "Gabriel" hand from Adrien with the one representing his connections with his mother conveys a pretty harsh contrast.

Because last but not least, let's take a look at Emilies hand placements:

But here is now an interesting difference to Adrien. Whereas we openly see that Adriens side of the Adrien-Gabriel relationship is completely disconnected from the heart/love - showcasing just how badly Adrien has always been neglected by his father - we don't see Emilies hand in her Emilie-Gabriel relationship AT ALL.

Once again just like with Adrien, this doesn't mean she didn't love her husband and that Gabriel was used and fooled by the woman he so utterly adored. It just means that from Emilies point of view things were a bit more complicated. What exactly this is, the portrait is keeping secret from us. We have no way of knowing if and how Emilie is returning her husbands gesture. All we can say is that if she does she is definitely not doing it in such an open and unconflicted way as she does with Adrien.

But since when has anything with this family been this easy?

One thing the portrait makes very clear, Adrien and Emilie had a strong and good bond. Definitely the healthiest because the Adrien-Emilie connection is the only one depicted without any kind of disruption from both sides. Both mother and son are reaching out for the other ones hand creating a whole half of the heart, showcasing their affection for another openly and without any of the implied doubts the other connections display. And honestly? Comparing all the hand placements, the one connecting Adrien and Emilie just comes across as strikingly pure and true (which makes it even worse that it was HER Adrien lost…)

As I said it's a HARSH contrast to the one Adrien shears with Gabriel. This contrast is highlighted even further by the way these three face on another.

Emilie and Adrien are positioned facing another and so are Emilie and Gabriel. Telling us that Emilie was "face-to-face" aka involved with both her husband and son. It is Adrien and Gabriel were this looks wildly different. These two have no way of seeing each other in the eyes the way they stand now/then, further displaying their deeply rooted disconnection. It's portrays perfectly how important Emilie was in this family dynamic, because even though Adrien and Gabriel bearly had a connection at all they at least had Emilie as a link between them, keeping the family together. But then they lost her and where this left both father and son off we know oh too well...

So to collect all the informations we get out if this portrait:

-Adriens and Emilies relationship was the strongest and purest. Both of their hands connect and reach out for another in the heart, showcasing that they had a loving and positive bond.

-Adriens and Gabriels relationship is heavily scarred by a deeply rooted disconnection leaving Adrien feeling unloved and unwanted by his father to the point where Adriens side of their dynamic is outside the heart altogether. Gabriel may love and adore his son just like he loves his wife and never thought he displayed his love for him in a lacking way, but fact is: this love never reached Adrien the way it should have and Adrien is the one in their dynamic who got severely hurt and damaged by it.

-Gabriel was the only one completely unconflicted and happily at peace with the former Family situation. He's reaching out to both his family members with open love and affection in blissful oblivion that neither his wife nor son could return them the same way (to different degrees for different reasons). Gabriel was the ONLY ONE in the Agreste family who didn't saw problems in their lives and thought them all happy, hence why he's so obsessed with changing the past and bringing THIS state of their family back. He was happy and he had everything he needed and loved right with him, of course he wants THIS back. He's not aware that Emilie and ESPECIALLY Adrien did not feel the same about their former situation and that bringing all of them back to this is not the perfect happy ending for their entire family as he thinks.

-Emilie may not have been as unconflicted with Gabriel as he was with her but she is NOT feeling the same disconnection her son feels and isn't depicted with negative feelings towards Gabriel. Her side in the Emilie-Gabriel relationship is neither shown outright positive as with her son or outright bad as Adrien with Gabriel. Her side of their bond is depicted through her unseen hand placement in the unknown area in between.

-Despite their not so unconflicted feelings towards Gabriel - and Gabriel himself being aloof - neither Emilie nor Adrien are actively trying to cut Gabriel out. They aren't flinching away from his touch or exclude him from the heart whatsoever. He's happily included, obviously feeling loved. They may not be 100% happy and Gabriel doesn't notice it, but they aren't denying him his happiness and make him unhappy. Again, he's the only one truly happy here. Something neither Emilie nor Adrien tried to take away from him.

-Emilie and Adrien are facing each other as do Emilie and Gabriel, implying the presence of communication and a bond. Adrien and Gabriel do not face each other, showing their disconnected bond. If they could see each others face Adrien would have been able to see that Gabriels hand is a gesture of genuine affection and Gabriel could see that Adriens expression does not exactly display pure happiness the way he thinks. This also goes for Emilie. Emilie just like her husband is placed BEHIND her son, so even if she is facing him she would not be able to really see just how much Adrien is not satisfied and truly happy with his life at that point (meaning how unhappy being looked up, friendless and at distance with his father actually makes him).

- This fascinating family makes me sad and I like it lol

[kallypsowrites]

Shadow and Bones Show: What I Hope Changes and What I Hope Stays the Same

Well, we’re almost at the end of our wait, folks. Embargo lifts tomorrow. I am no doubt going to be reading a lot of the reviews because I have no self control lol. But, before that happens, I want to discuss what I hope the show changes and what I hope stays the same.

Let’s start with the changes!

1. Mal

This is kind of controversial among Darklina stans, considering that they worry fans won’t understand their dislike for book Mal. And I get that perspective, but I also don’t want to be angry at the endgame of the show (which I’m positive will stay the same). Any improvement on some of Mal’s dialogue in book one and two would be welcome. Make me at least...neutral on the ship.

2. Foreshadowing

I would love some more foreshadowing to later moments in the series. Particularly the Mal twist which I don’t think made all that much sense in book 3. It came out of nowhere, it required a huge info dump and it kinda felt like Leigh was making up the rules as she went along. And I get it. She didn’t know where she was going when she wrote book 1. BUT now they can go back and FORESHADOW a little more and make it all feel more natural.

3. The Darkling

Now I don’t want much changed about him. Keep him a villain, keep him his dark self. But I’d love to see him be a human throughout and avoid dipping into caricature. I want to see him over all more consistent and i think Ben Barnes will bring that. I also would like more exploration of his cause and why he does what he does.

4. Alina’s Agency

Jessie talked about giving Alina more agency and choices than she has in the books and I hope they deliver on this because there are many times when Alina is made a passenger in her own life and I’d like to see her get to be more active. I’d also like to see ANOTHER change to her endgame but that’s a spoiler and not until season 3 anyway, so ya know.

5. Cohesive world

Because this is visual medium there’s more room to do this very naturally. I want to see more stuff about saints which isn’t buried in the short stories. I want to see foreshadowing to later magic system evolutions. I want to see supposedly important religious symbols like the firebird actually appear before book 2 when it suddenly gets relevant. Just like...really draw me in. Six of Crows did a better job with this but the world building of the original trilogy often felt a bit skin deep/an excuse to move the plot how the author wanted.

6. More fleshed out side characters

Leigh is not always the best with side characters. They are often one note and its hard to form attachments. In particular I want to see Zoya move beyond her ‘mean girl’ persona in book 1 and I’d love to see more of David. More of Alexi maybe too. Genya is perfect though

7. More on the plight of the Grisha

Again, we are told that Grisha are hunted. That they struggle. But the major trilogy still keeps the Darkling as its bad guy for the whole time and doesn’t really show the abuses the Grisha are put through. Not until Six of Crows do we get any meaningful exploration on this. We need to see more of the war. More of the push and pull. More of what they are fighting for very early on.

What I don’t want changed

1. My Crows

Change nothing about them. I love them. My bisexual disaster son, my cane boy, my knife wife. They are wonderful and even though this is new story, I want them to feel the same

2. Darklina

At its core, I want very little of Darklina changed, except for giving Alina more agency. Keep the toxic stuff. keep the angst. The drama. Keep the dialogue as much as possible. I WANT it.

3. Genya

Love of my life. Never change. She’s the best.

4. The major story beats

Book 1 is my favorite of the trilogy, so I’d like to mostly see it stay the same but with bonus content. And when it comes to the crows, I don’t want to see any of the future content disrupted because I LOVE six of Crows with all of my heart.

5. Kanej

Please keep their dynamic, please keep their dynamic, please keep their dynamic (and don’t ignore their trauma).

6. Jesper and Nina’s bisexuality

They like both and it better be made CLEAR

7. The humor

No grimdark fantasy for me please! Give me the light hearted bits in the mix!

[sylvies-chen]

From Song to Storyline: Comparing Lorde’s “Melodrama” Album to Hailey Upton’s Upcoming Journey

Ok I couldn’t resist, I made a comment about how Hailey Upton is in her Melodrama era (because yes, I’m an absolute Lorde fanatic) and my loving soulmate @sylviebrettsey mentioned Taylor Swift’s Reputation too, but ALSO how she was unfamiliar with Melodrama so you can thank her for this analysis of why I picked Melodrama as Hailey’s season 9 mood! It’s going to be VERY long so I’ll put everything under the cut but I hope you guys like it! (And Sky, I hope you find this Lorde knowledge to be helpful lol. This is going to be very long but I hope it’s worth it and convinces someone out there to give the album a listen)

Reputation is an album that feels inherently vengeful in all the best ways. Songs like “Getaway Car” and “Don’t Blame Me” fit Hailey’s predicament at the end of season 8 very well, especially in relation to Jay. Those two songs as well as the album in general make for a very intense musical journey and Hailey’s been through a lot of intense things so naturally, it seems like they’d fit together. But based on what we’ve seen in interviews, I picked Melodrama for Hailey Upton’s season 9 era because that whole album plays with the idea of what happens after.

Lorde mostly talks about the crash that happens after a party when referencing this “after” but it acts a metaphor for being on a high note (a relationship, life, careers, etc.) and then crashing down. It’s a gritty, heart-wrenching album that holds so many similarities to what Hailey’s feeling. Coming into season 9, we know she isn’t sleeping, she can’t eat, there’s guilt eating away at her over what she’s done and over having to be around Kim constantly while keeping her secret. We know she’s clinging onto Jay with this proposal, know she’s going to have this internal torment because she can’t tell any of them what happened but Jay’s starting to notice something’s wrong with her and catching on to what happened. So, without further ado, lemme just give you snippets of lyrics from various songs on Lorde’s Melodrama album that fit with different parts of Hailey’s journey— as well as the unit’s journey— going into the new season!

1. “Sober”

In Sober, Lorde writes and sings about her experience of getting a panic attack at a party (Hence, the “Oh God, I’m clean out of air // In my lungs, it’s all gone” line) but then having to act normal because of social expectations and adds the “Played it nonchalant” line. In relation to Hailey, this represents her covering her ruse even though it’s killing her inside. Then, when we move further down these lyrics, it talks about being alone with the truth and dancing with the truth— again, Hailey struggling with the truth of what she did. Then, at the end of this first verse it could almost be seen from Jay’s perspective. “I’m acting like I don’t see // Every ribbon you used to tie yourself to me” is SO similar to what Jesse Lee Soffer’s been saying in interviews about Jay not knowing if Hailey’s proposal was genuine, and also what he and Tracy have said about Hailey’s proposal being genuine but also a product of her clinging on to the one good thing in her life.

2. “Liability”

Ah, yes, finally! The best song on the Melodrama album and arguably one of Lorde’s best songs ever! She wrote this in the back of a cab about the struggle of trying to love herself and worrying she’s too much for her friends. If that’s not a Hailey Upton sentiment going into this season, I don’t know what is! Not only is this applicable to Hailey with the Roy situation but it could also be applied to 8x11 when she was scared that her baggage and trauma around being abused by her father meant she couldn’t be with Jay. Also, now that she’s done this huge, massive thing that she has to live with, it’ll make it even harder for her to love herself— and for her to consider the fact that maybe, if she was truthful about that night, her friends would still love her anyway.

3. “Homemade Dynamite”

Homemade Dynamite, according to Lorde, describes “the moment when you meet someone at a party and an explosive night follows”. Again, right off the bat you see motifs of lies vs. truth when she’s saying let’s let things come out of the woodworks. It also technically talks about being blind to rules and dreams which is perfect for the finale: Hailey was blind to her dream (because let’s be real, thinking she could stop Voight was a fantasy), and Voight was blind to the rules. And just like the song says, it’s all bound to blow up on Hailey sooner or later, like homemade dynamite.

4. “Sober ll”

I feel like I don’t even need to explain my thought process behind this one. Trauma, melodrama, gun fights, terror, horror. ALL OF THESE are key words for what Hailey’s been through and will CONTINUE to go through. “They’ll talk about us, and discover // How we kissed and killed each other” is also applicable to the synopsis about how the FBI is potentially getting involved in discerning what happened to Roy. If they do, it could launch an investigation into the entire unit which could uncover a lot— “kisses each other” being the relationship drama that happens within the unit and “killed each other” being what happened with Roy and Voight’s general track record of murdering criminals and covering it up.

5. “Writer In The Dark”

Ok this first line is pretty much the entire reason I put this section of the song into this post. “I am my mother’s child, I’ll love you ‘til my breathing stops” is very strongly representative of Hailey’s past. She was raised in a household where her mother loved an abusive man and continued to love him even through the abuse of her and her children. It’s traumatizing, sure, but it also explains why Hailey’s reaction to shooting Roy was to go home and propose to Jay. She gets that loyalty from her mother, to the point where she could even stay in situations that hurt her (like refusing to leave Voight in the warehouse). But Jay doesn’t hurt her, he loves her unconditionally too which is why Hailey would love him until her breathing stops— or until, as it proceeds to say, “‘til you call the cops on me”, which is applicable in a much more literal sense.

6. “Supercut”

Supercut is probably my personal favourite of Lorde’s songs. The buildup is beautiful and the come-down is slow and gradual. It’s the epitome of pop in my opinion. But Hailey most definitely plays that moment over in her head and in her head, she would have done the right thing that night. And maybe she’s hoping the unit (Jay especially) will forgive her for shooting Roy instead of letting it cause a fight. This whole song is about replaying moments of a relationship in your head and changing the scenario so that it plays out as if you did everything right. You won’t always do everything right though, because we’re human and make mistakes, but it’s more than plausible that Hailey’s trying to capture that feeling.

7. Liability (Reprise)

Last but not least, we’ve got the reprise for Liability! This one’s a little more generic because it’s just the general vibe of the song that fits Hailey and this PD angst so well but honestly “And all of the shit that we harbour // Make all the kids in the choir sing, “Woo-hoo” is very applicable to Hailey because she’s got a lot of baggage going into this new season. “And maybe all this is the party // Maybe we just do it violently” is another line that fits her situation so well. In addition, since Liability is one of the last songs on this album the outro of the song is almost like the absolute rock bottom reached in the journey the album tells. It could easily be compared to if/when Jay finds out about what Hailey did. (Seriously, just imagine Jay saying “you’re not what you thought you were” to Hailey and tell me that wouldn’t make you cry! In a good way OR a bad way!)

Anyway, IN CONCLUSION: Melodrama is a twisted, heartbreaking album that fits into Hailey Upton’s upcoming journey in season 9 with the Roy storyline PERFECTLY! If you have time to listen to the album— or at least the songs I mentioned— then please do because it’s SO worth it. But until then, we’re going to be in for quite the angsty ride this season when it comes to Chicago PD and personally, I can’t wait to see what they do with it!

[thechangeling]

Enough.

So a while ago I made a headcannon post about Ty's sexuality and the autistic exploration of sex and sexual desire. I have now written a fic about it. This ones for Alex @bedspells my very own Alyssa. Also side note I want to make it clear that yes, I still ship kitty 100%. But I've seen plenty of people write fics and headcannons about Kit exploring things with other people. There's no reason why Ty can't do the same.

Edit: Ok a long time ago this fic actually got a hate comment on Ao3 saying that I was erasing Ty's sexuality by having him hook up with a girl because he was cannonly gay due to a tweet CC made in 2013. Now I don't even have twitter and I wasn't a part of the fandom back then. Despite all of that I actually don't really consider that to be the basis of canon? And in the books he doesn't really express interest in anyone except for Kit. So as far as I'm concerned this was fair game. Not to mention gay people sometimes experiment before they realize they're gay. Especially autistic people!! And that was actually kind of the point of this fic. So maybe just keep that in mind going forward. Thanks!

Tw for mentions and discussions of sex.

Ty could count the instances he hadn't been bothered by another person's touch on one hand. This was certainly one of them. It was so late into the night it could certainly be considered the next morning. Anush, Ty and Alyssa had been doing research on Livvy and the effect she seemed to be having on a serge of demonic activity in the area.

Ty was fairly stressed about the possibility to say the least. It felt like everything was spilling away from him. Livvy, his family, his career.

Kit.

He really didn't want to think about Kit but it was difficult. It was like trying to ignore a bleeding wound that everyone kept referring to as a paper cut.

The shining lights in all of this were Anush and Alyssa. Befriending both of them had been the best part of coming to the scholomance.

Especially Alyssa.

Meeting someone who shared some of his thoughts, feelings and experiences was more then refreshing. It was liberating. Talking, laughing and crying with Alyssa about the things that no one else would understand was like a balm for Ty's soul.

At a certain point Anush had announced that he was retiring to bed and they should both probably do the same. Livvy was still floating around the room observing their work. But as time went on Ty had stopped paying as much attention to her. Now he was resting against Alyssa with his head in her lap. She was sitting on the couch in the library, carefully running her fingers through his hair and rambling on about something, Ty wasn't exactly sure what.

Ty reached up to wrap a lock of her long dark hair around his finger, then watched it spring back into place again. Alyssa's hair was wavy but not curly like- like some peoples. So it didn't spring and bounce very well. That was the interesting thing about Ali in general. So many parts of her dress and appearance were so neat and polished and well put together that Ty almost wondered what it would be like to see her more disheveled. What would it be like to grab and twist and pull until she was left with something that wasn't glossy perfect waves.

Ty panicked a little at that thought. Where exactly had that come from? He was now more then ever painfully aware of the fact that he was lying in an attractive person's lap. And his sister was still in the same room.

Ty looked up to search for Livvy but realized that she was gone. Guiltily he realized she could have been gone for awhile now. But he hadn't noticed. Lately he had been feeling further and further away from his twin and he hated it.

"Do you think stars have feelings?" Alyssa asked wistfully. Ty laughed joyfully, feeling so light and and so far away from every bad thing that had happened three years ago.

"Because I was just thinking," she continued. "Like, what if they're lonley you know?" Ty had to smile at the Alyssa charm of it all. Also the autistic perspective might have had something to do with it.

"I don't know," Ty said, sitting up. "Maybe they're like us. Maybe they like being alone." Alyssa pondered this for awhile.

"Well no one can be alone forever," she pointed out, then laughed, rolling her eyes. "God how did we get here? Remember when we were supposed to be doing actual work Ty?"

"Well we were stupid to think that would last," Ty announced matter of factly. Alyssa shrugged and leaned back against the sofa.

"Probably. Once the neurotypical left it was all downhill from there."

"I disagree, Ty said softly, meeting her gaze. "I enjoy spending time with you." Alyssa instantly smiled, the kind of beautiful, honest, heartfelt smile that allistic people wrote poetry about.

Instantly Ty was reminded of someone else, another brilliant smile.

He shook it off.

"Me too," Alyssa finally answered. Then she shook her head. "Ugh feelings. Gross."

Ty rolled his eyes at her and laughed.

Then Alyssa sat up again as she seemed to remember something. "Oh yeah I meant to ask you about Anush. Do you like him?"

Ty shrugged. "Yeah he's really nice. He's become a good friend."

Alyssa shook her head. "No, no Ty, I mean-" She paused. "I mean do you like him like you wanna date him? Or do you have romantic feelings for him?" She asked.

Ty paused. He honestly wasn't sure. He had been trying to avoid thoughts of those types of feelings for a very specific reason. A Herondale reason. But the truth was he did like really like Anush. He enjoyed being around him. Ty just wasn't sure what that meant.

"I'm not sure," he answered honestly. "Maybe." Alyssa fiddled with her hair, rubbing it between her fingers.

"Hmm. Well do you even like boys?" She asked. "I just realised I've known you for five months now and I dont really know what your deal is," she said contemplating. "Like sexual orientation wise. I mean not that it matters, it totally doesn't," she stammered.

Ty shrugged. "It was never really relevant before. But I'm not really sure. I guess I'm fine with whatever." Alyssa beamed.

"So I guess that means you're kinda like me huh? She said happily. "I'm pansexual. Women are so beautiful and angelic and soft and squishy and awesome, but men can be good too," she mused. "I mean men are......men, but some of them aren't so bad. I mean look at you!" Alyssa tossed her hair back over her shoulder.

"Thanks," Ty responded dryly.

"Anyways you know what I mean," Alyssa waved her hand. "So are you attracted to him at least?" Ty sighed.

"Yeah I am," he admitted. "But I don't- I don't want a relationship Ali. I just can't."

Alyssa studied him for a moment. "Does this have anything to do with the Herondale pendent you wear that you always tell me never to ask questions about?"

Ty scowled. "Yes, but I don't want to talk about it." Alyssa rolled her eyes and put her hands up in surrender.

"Fucking shit fuck! Fine!" She complained. "Anyways, my point is you dont need to date him neccesarily. Just have sex with him and see how you feel?"

Ty sat up and faced her. "What?"

Alyssa laughed. "You heard me. There's nothing wrong with causal sex between consenting adults. I mean, if you want to."

Ty felt the urge to stand up to try and aliviate some of the anxiety he was feeling, but he stayed sitting.

"I've never done it before," he admitted. Ty was 19, he knew most of the people his age had already had some sort of sexual experience. But he had always been too afraid. Too afraid of people touching him and demanding things from him with harsh vague bullshit. In Ty's mind it was just another social interaction that he could screw up and then pay the price for it.

Alyssa shrugged. "It's no big deal. Virginity is just a social construct anyways." Alyssa was playing with her hair casually and biting her lip slightly, to indicate that she was mulling something over.

Ty shook his head trying to explain it. "No, it's- I mean see, you say that, but, one of the things I've learned about this world is that social constructs kind of matter to a lot of people." Ty was taping his fingers against his leg and trying to stop himself from shaking. Alyssa noticed this.

"Because people tell you that's it's no big deal and not to worry, and then other people make it into a big deal like it means something, and then everyone's telling you to do something different," Ty explained with a panicked, rushed voice. "I don't know who you listen to, or what to do!" He was moving his hands frantically while he spoke to emphasize his points.

"Hey it's ok," she cooed, inching towards him. "Trust yourself. Or if you feel like you can't, then trust me." Ty felt a pang in his chest. A cacophony of conflicting emotions erupted within him. But mostly he found that despite his better judgement he actually believed her.

They had created something different between the two of them. Something that almost transcended labels or rules or traditional allistic boundaries. Alyssa was like the armor he put on every morning, with the strength and confidence that he wasn't alone in this world. In the midst of all of their jokes and late night heartbreaking conversations. In the midst of this fragile peace they had created, there was something there. Something indescribable.

Something like the sound of the page being turned in one of his Sherlock novels, or the sound of their favourite songs. A connection. A lifeline.

Ty looked over at Alyssa's concerned face and smiled softly. "I trust you," he promised. "I don't really trust many people, but I've always trusted you," he admitted. Alyssa inhaled sharply. She made an interesting facial expression that might have been a facial stim and then gaped for awhile before finally closing her mouth and avoiding Ty's gaze.

"Yeah that's cool. I trust you too," she said casually. She had gone back to pulling at her poor hair which was shedding everywhere. Anush always joked that he could always tell where Alyssa was by following the trail of hair.

"So, about the whole sex thing," she continued rather unceremoniously. Ty had to laugh a little. "Do you think it's something you're actually interested in? Or do you just feel like you have to?" She asked.

Ty pondered this for a moment. "I think I might want to. I just want to be with someone that I trust. Someone who will be considerate of my boundries, you know?" Ty did a quick glance around the room to make sure Livvy was still gone.

"Wait she's not here right?" Alyssa asked anxiously, catching on. Ty shook his head.

Alyssa paused for a moment, looking lost in thought. She was flicking her fingernails against each other and continuing to murder her bottom lip by chewing on it. Finally she looked up at him, looking rather amused.

"Ok. This might just be the exhaustion talking, or the autism, or a combination of both. So if you feel uncomfortable with what I'm about to say, then afterwards we can just forget it ok?" Alyssa sounded serious. Ty just nodded, trying not to be concerned.

Alyssa gave him an interesting look, one that he was pretty sure he had never recieved before. Her eyes scanned him up and down, then she smirked.

"I could potentially offer my services," she said innocently. Ty blinked a few times, then continued to stare at her. She stared back unflinching.

Wait. What?

Ty shook his head in confusion. "Hold on. Wait. You mean-?" He cut himself off. Alyssa nodded with that same smirk. "Yeah I mean why not right?" She shrugged, relaxing back against the sofa. "But if you dont want to then that's totally fine."

"Wait." Ty attempted to clear his head and stay focused. He stayed frozen for awhile, thinking. Then he folded his arms around himself, applying pressure. "Why exactly?"

Alyssa shrugged again. "Well why not? You're hot. I'm hot, and besides you know me," she pointed out. She paused, and then giggled.

"Four hours into investigating the paranormal phenomenon of his dead twin sister and chill, then she offers to take his virginity," she cackled. "I so enjoy our quality time together."

"The way your mind works really concerns me sometimes, you know that?" He asked playfully. Alyssa rolled her eyes at him and shoved him gently.

"Hey you don't have to, it was just an idea," she said, raising her hands in defense. Ty was silent. He was still thinking about it.

"Most people don't really do stuff like this right?" He asked warily. "Like most friends don't just randomly hook up and then laugh it off later."

Alyssa shook her head slowly. "Honey do you see me laughing?"

Ty was conflicted. There was something in him, a new, complicated feeling. A burning desire that nagged at the back of his mind everytime Alyssa bit her lip or pouted.

If he was really honest with himself. Ty could remember another time when he felt this way. But that was different, that was-.

He shook his head. No. Ty wasn't thinking about that anymore. He needed a distraction.

"God I can practically hear you thinking over here Ty," Alyssa teased. "Listen. If it freaks you out to much then we can forget about it. But-." She paused and reached towards him. Their fingertips met and she slowly dragged her fingertips down the top of Ty's hand.

"I want to do this for you because I care about you," she said solemnly. "I want make you feel good. Because you're special, and I dont mean that in the bullshit ableist way. I mean I think that you're special because you have such a big heart and you care so much," she said with a laugh.

Ty felt like he was about to cry. He was taking in long deep breaths trying not to get overwhelmed. He didnt know how to respond to this, this kind of attention and praise. His heart felt warm and tight absorbed in so much fondness and melancholy and regret all at once.

He knew this wasn't anything like what had happened that day on the beach. This wasn't that kind of love that he was feeling for Alyssa and that was a good thing. Romantic love, he decided, was too complicated.

"You deserve good things and good experiences. You deserve to have your first time be somewhere familiar. Somewhere you feel safe, and with someone who loves you." Alyssa wiped her eyes on the back of her hand.

"God sorry for getting all emotional like that," she joked.

Ty couldn't speak, so he just squeezed her hand. He hoped she would understand.

I love you too.

Ty took a breath, then nodded. "Yeah," he admitted. "Yeah I want that. I want you."

Alyssa exhaled, then grinned. "Ok then. Great. I'll see if I can pencil you in sometime this week," she joked. Ty cocked his head to the side in confusion.

"Oh," he murmered, suprised with how disappointed he felt. "You mean later?" Alyssa laughed.

"Well yeah, I mean aren't you tired?"

"Are you?" Ty countered.

Alyssa shrugged. "Hey you know how it is, autistic sleep cycle. I'm gonna be up for awhile. I just figured you might want some time to think."

Ty shook his head. "No I don't want to think anymore. I'm tired of thinking Ali. I'm tired of worrying and overanalyzing everything." His eyes met hers, she seemed a little worried.

She moved closer to him so that she was practically in his lap. "You need a distraction," she said matter of factly. "It's ok." She moved her hands from his arms to grasp his waist.

"Is this good?"

Ty flinched. "More pressure," he replied in a tone that was hopefully not too demanding. Alyssa pressed her fingertips down harder into his skin. A soothing feeling washed over him.

"Good?" She asked, scratching his skin with her fingernails. Ty just nodded, feeling slightly dazed.

Alyssa smiled, lowering herself gracefully into his lap. Everything she did was with precision and grace. Alyssa was a dancer. It was one of her special interests. She had stopped taking lessons a long time ago though because she found it challenging to dance in a group.

She could never copy what everyone else was doing exactly on count when she was supposed to. She was always going off and improvising on her own. There was probably a metaphor in there somewhere.

Alyssa's weight against him was comforting. She was moving her hands up and down his back underneath his shirt while still applying pressure. Ty felt heat beginning to pool in the base of his stomach. He stared at her curiously, taking in her soft curves and her smooth golden skin.

"Can I touch you?" Ty asked, feeling his fingers twitch.

Alyssa moved her hands to his chest. "Sure." She said softly. "Just be careful. Remember pressure and all of that, and try to avoid my stomach area. For some reason it's really sensitive." Ty nodded, instantly reaching for her long wavy dark hair and twisting his fingers around it, pulling slightly. She laughed.

This drew Ty's attention to her mouth. Her lips were cracked and rough looking from Alyssa constantly biting them, but Ty still wanted to kiss her. He had never kissed anyone before. He needed to know what it felt like.

He moved his hands to her shoulders and then to her sides, pulling Alyssa even closer. "Can you teach me how to kiss?" He asked looking her in the eye briefly. She snorted.

"I don't think you'll like it very much," she murmered. "It's not really a good sensory experience. At least not for me. Allistic people seem to like it though."

Ty nodded. "Exactly that's my point," he said, using one hand to cradle the side of her neck. "I need to learn for other people later on." He absentmindedly pressed his thumb into one of the divots in her neck, just to fill the space. Alyssa sighed and dug her fingernails into his chest.

"Ok fine but you're gonna hate the tounge thing," she breathed. She leaned down very slowly and then carefully pressed her lips to Ty's, kissing him softly.

It was a weird sensation but not entirely unpleasant. Ty happily slid his hands back into her hair and began to fiddle with a few thick pieces. Alyssa moved her own hands up his chest to cradle her face, applying pressure with thumbs against his cheekbones.

Alyssa deepened the kiss and slid her tounge into his mouth. Instantly Ty winced and felt every cell in his body seize up. But he didn't stop. He was determined to figure this out. If he wanted to kiss someone who wasn't autistic in the future then he would need to. Ty relaxed his body and kissed her back forcefully, making out with Alyssa until the uncomfortable noise in his head was too much and he broke the kiss.

Ty shook his head and Ali laughed, stroking his hair. "I fucking told you so," she exclaimed. Ty shut his eyes and allowed his breathing to return to normal.

"Ok so that's something we can forget about for now, thank god. The beauty of this whole situation is that we dont have to follow any allistic script for this sort of thing." Ty opened his eyes. Alyssa was watching him carefully, still only centimeters away from his face.

"So is there anything you want to do?" She asked him. "Just tell me and I'll see if we can make it happen."

Ty saw no need to maintain any sort of filter. "Well there are a lot of things actually, but for some reason I really want to bite you," he said pointedly, glancing down at her neck. Alyssa burst out laughing, nearly falling over.

Ty glared at her. "I'm sorry," she gasped breathlessly. "I'm sorry it's just,-," she regained her composure, shaking her head. "I just love how we all used to be the weird kids who growled and hissed at people on the playground if they bothered us and now as adults we're just super kinky. Like it's kind of poetic in a way," she laughed.

Ty rolled his eyes. There was no need to ask what she meant by we. When Alyssa said we, it only referred to one thing.

"I'm sure it's not absolutely every autistic person," he protested. "Also we should move, on account of the fact that this is still a public setting." Alysza's eyes widened as if she had just remembered that.

"Oh right. Shit, as if these people needed any more reasons to hate me. Let's go!" She rolled off of Ty and stood in front if him, holding out her hand. "We can use my room." Ty stayed sitting, taking a moment to fully absorb it all.

He couldn't help but feel the weight of the Herondale pendent against his chest as a heavy reminder. He willed himself not to get distracted. Alyssa smiled at him slightly, almost as if she knew.

"Enough," she said softly.

Ty didn't know what to say to that. He wasn't even sure if their was anything he wanted say. Then finally he understood.

"Enough," he echoed back.

He took her outstretched hand and let her take him away.

@ti-bae-rius @eutony-in-whisper @dianasarrow @dianasarrow @stxr-thxif @talia-lightwood @doitforthecarstairs @thelandunderthehilll @zfoxdraws @waterlillies

[liquidstar]

I'd love to hear some of your recommendations! And I'm good without any content warnings, but since you're posting this for all your followers to see probably best to add them

Alright sure! I’ll be general then and since you’re just starting out this will sort of be bringing up a lot of really popular ones, the really good ones where the general consensus is “you gotta see this!”, but I’ll also try to give ones from different genres so you have a variety of things to pick from, so this isn’t really a list of personal favorites but I’ll throw in a couple of those too lol, but generally think of this as a handy beginners guide with just a little personal bias.

I wrote a lot so I'm gonna put them under the cut here.

Fullmetal Alchemist

Fullmetal Alchemist is a franchise that’s considered a must-watch, it takes place in a world where alchemy is a borderline magical power, but is considered scientific in-universe and follows scientific laws, namely the law of equivalent exchange. Something can’t be made from nothing, to gain something of equal value must be lost. The story follows the story of two brothers, Edward and Alphonse Elric, who at the ages of 10 and 11 committed alchemy’s one and only unforgivable sin, human transmutation, in an attempt to bring their mother back to life. As a result, one brother lost his arm and leg and the other lost his entire body, leaving his soul bound to a suit of armor. However the brothers are resolute to regain their original bodies, and the older brother, Edward, joins the State Alchemists, a branch of the military, to try to gain access to research materials to help them achieve their goal. But was that really such a good idea?

Fullmetal Alchemist can be a bit confusing to get into due to the fact that there are two series: Fullmetal Alchemist (2003) and Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood (2009). The latter is a reboot with a different story that follows the original manga. They both have the same beginning, but diverge paths and tell very different stories. My recommendation for how to watch this show is: Watch 2003 first, and Brotherhood second. Everyone has a different opinion about which is better, but everyone agrees that 2003 has better backstory but a contrived ending, and Brotherhood has a rushed beginning (Because it works off the assumption that you’ve seen 2003) with a great and fulfilling ending. If you can’t do both I say just watch Brotherhood because it will leave you more satisfied and you don’t have to watch 03 to get into it.

For both series the biggest trigger warnings are: Parental death, child death, pet death, war, genocide, dismemberment, religious themes, and miscarriage. For brotherhood specifically: on-screen suicide, and for 2003 specifically: rape (not on-screen) and pregnancy from it. The 2003 series is also a lot darker than Brotherhood which has a more optimistic tone, so that’s worth noting too.

Soul Eater

A show I think is incredibly fun, and a good one for an October watch if you wanna save it. It takes place in a world where certain people have the ability to transform into weapons, and they team up with other people who become their meisters. The characters often travel around, but the main setting is Death City, a fictional city in Nevada based off of Las Vegas but with a huge Halloweentown vibe, and a school right at the top of it called the Death Weapon Meister Academy (DWMA) where a bunch of kids that turn into weapons learn how to hunt down witches and kishins (Beings that consume human souls). The school, of course, is run by the grim reaper, Lord Death himself.

Our main characters for the series are a group of 7 students. Our protagonist Maka Albarn and her weapon partner Soul “Eater” Evans, a scythe. A loud mouth assassin named Black✰Star and his weapon partner Tsubaki, who has many weapon forms. And the son of the grim reaper, Death The Kid, and his two weapon partners Liz and Patty Thompson, who are twin pistols. There are also a bunch of really lively colorful background characters and antagonists, and the cast of the show being as insane as it is really makes it, on top of the great atmosphere and of course the plot, which just builds more and more as the series progresses. Also Crona is there and we all love Crona.

Trigger warnings for this show include: Child abuse (Mental and physical), manipulation, snakes and spiders (The motifs of two major villains), some very surreal moments that can verge on unreality. Also, in the dub and most subs: misgendering of a canonically trans character. Crona is a character who is non-binary, but the dub and subs use gendered pronouns for them due to general ignorance about neutral pronouns in 2008, though this isn’t the fault of the original series and falls on the translators hands.

Also it’s important to note: that the first 3 episodes are prologues and they take themselves less seriously, there’s more fanservice in them than there is in the rest of the series (Except for Blair she stays the fanservice character :pensive:)

Zombieland Saga

Idol anime is really prevalent as a genre, the most popular being Love Live, but my personal favorite is Zombieland Saga. It’s an idol anime, but it’s also a comedy about zombie girls who become idols. It sounds ridiculous but there’s an insane amount of heart in it regardless, it wasn’t a show I expected to get emotional at but I did! It also made me laugh a lot too. The series itself can serve as a bit of a subversion on what idols are, not just because they’re literally zombies, but because of who the characters are.

Sakura Minamoto is a character who starts off as a more typical idol, a peppy pure girl, as the series continues her struggle with depression gets highlighted. Saki Nikaido serves as her initial foil, a delinquent girl with a criminal record who subvers the idea of pure perfect idols. Ai Mizuno, a former idol who has since undergone severe trauma (The way she died). Junko Konno who has ideals that seem very different on what idols “should” be due to the time period she died. Lily Hoshikawa, an explicitly transgender idol. Yugiri nolastname, a former high ranking courtesan, subvering the pure image of an idol by being a sex worker. And Tae Yamada, a completely nonverbal idol who’s still treated with the same amount of importance as the rest of the team. The premise here really is just that these girls don’t fit the incredibly rigid mold of what idols should be and yet they still all deserve love and they gain a fanbase by being their earnest selves.

Trigger warnings for this series aren’t incredibly severe but since they’re zombies there’s still talks about death and they way they died (Including motorcycle/car accidents, plane crashes, getting struck by lightning, and a heart attack), there’s also comedic dismemberment, as in their arms just sort of pop on and off and stuff like that. The most notable thing is the deadnaming of Lily, the trans idol, by her father, but it doesn’t appear to be malicious in any way.

Note: this series is in the middle of it’s second season right now, if you want to wait until it’s over it should be 12 episodes long and just aired it’s 3rd, so about 9 more weeks.

Death Note

This is also absolutely another series that gets recommended to people right off the bat, and for good reason, this show is an intricate game of chess between a serial killer and a detective trying to catch him, and it’s incredibly easy to get super invested in the suspense of what happens next. The story begins when a shinigami, a god of death, drops his “Death Note” into the human world out of pure boredom. A Death Note is simply a notebook where if you write someone's name in it… They die! And who better to pick up such a powerful object than Light Yagami, a prodigy praised for his genius and academy accomplishments as well as his charm and popularity, and with a very strong but juvenile black-and-white sense of justice, likely due to being raised by a cop.

So naturally Light begins his power trip as soon as he finds the notebook, he intends to “fix” the world by cleansing it of all the bad people, but truly he intends to become the world’s new god. Or the “God of the new world” as he puts it. But there’s one thing standing in his way, a detective resolute on catching him with the codename L. The series entire crux is a game of cat and mouse between these two, as they try to outsmart each other and the murders continue, Light loses more and more of his humanity, L becomes more resolute on catching him. There are more twists and turns than a cheetah race, and it’s honestly pretty addictive to see what happens next.

Trigger warnings here obviously include a lot of death and murder, including suicide, but in some cases it’s a forced suicide at Light’s hands. Also abuse, as Light loses his humanity he isn’t above manipulating and discarding people who love him. And one instance of near-rape on screen fairly early on, but the purpitrator dies before it happens and the victim escapes.

K-On!

Slice-of-life is an incredibly popular genre, and K-On! is the quintessential example of it. It’s a series that not everyone will like, because not a lot truly happens, and it can be overly saccharine or “moe” for a lot of people, and that’s fine. But I personally think that despite not a lot happening, the story has genuine substance, more than you may gather at first glance. It’s true that not much in the way of big plot really happens, it’s mostly life events, that’s why it's a slice-of-life. But it’s not about nothing. The real theme of the show is the fleeting nature of youth. It’s about how important the friendships you form at that time are, how they’ll stick with you for a lifetime, and how everything comes to an end. It’s sweetness even becomes a little bittersweet because you knew their after school tea time would end come graduation, and as they realize this it breaks their hearts a little, but they continue on, because they’re still After School Tea Time!

The series itself is simply about 5 girls in a band, Yui Hirasawa on lead guitar, Mio Akiyama on the bass, Ritsu Tainaka on the Drums, Tsumugi Kotobuki on the Keyboard, and Azusa Nakano on Rhythm Guitar (Who shows up later). They’re in a club at school called the light music club where they waste a lot of their time just drinking tea and eating cake, but they’re having fun and that’s what counts! The series has a lot of really great direction and expressive animation despite the fact that a lot of it is just sitting around and talking, it’s incredibly visually interesting so you don’t get bored.

I honestly don’t think there are any big trigger warnings I can give for this series, maybe that Sawa-chan can be a little too forceful when she wants to dress up the girls in cute outfits sometimes but it’s usually not presented as too creepy especially after season 1 where they tone it down due to straying from the manga.

Mob Psycho 100

This series is an absolute love letter to the art of animation as a whole, the artstyle itself may not seem like much to look at but the animation is some of the most expressive, fluid, creative, and vibrant out there right now, it’s the type of series that you can tell was made with a real passion for its medium and it’s story. It’s protagonist is Shigeo Kageyama, nicknamed “Mob”, a term that literally means “Background character”. Mob is a middle school kid and an incredibly powerful psychic, like, insanely overpowered, but he’s currently working part time for a shady conman, Reigen Arataka. Though it may seem as if Reigen is just using Mob for his powers, their bond is actually a very sweet one and you can tell they care for each other, it’s a very important one at the heart of the series.

The core themes of the series itself are what really make it shine, it’s message is stated as clearly as possible in the opening songs, “your life is your own” and “if everyone is not special, maybe you can be what you want to be”. Put simply, you’re the protagonist of your own life, but the other important message of the series is that all the supposed background characters are just as important. The friends you make, the connections you have with other people and the way they impact you, they’re what make you strong. No one is born special, everyone is just a normal person, and everyone deserves kindness. It’s a series that I recommend incredibly strongly for just how powerfully it portrays this message.

Trigger warnings for this series include kidnapping, possession, a scene with a “man in a dress” joke, and a racist design for a background character. Also (spoilers) a scene where it seems like a child was murdered and a scene where it seems like Mob’s entire family was murdered.

Kaguya-Sama: Love Is War!

Hey, speaking of amazing animation, Kaguya-Sama is a romantic comedy series centered around the premise of two incredibly arrogant people falling in love. Kaguya Shinomiya and Miyuki Shirogane are the vice president and president of the student council at the prestigious Shuchi'in Academy, they eventually develop feelings for each other but they’re both simultaneously too proud and too insecure to admit it, so the real crux of the series is the 3D chess they play with each other to try and get the other to confess first. Along with the scatterbrained secretary, Chika Fujiawara, the treasurer in desperate need of Prozac Yu Ishigami, the cast is incredibly fun and they all fit into the comedy great. Every single little game of “do you like me?” that they play is written like the most intense thing in the world, the insane animation absolutely adds to it, making it seem almost like a psychological thriller, the comedy comes from the absurdity of just how much they hyperbolize it.

It’s not pure comedy though, due to a lot of the series being set up around mindgames, the characters are actually fairly psychologically complex with a lot of genuine development stemming from their childhood to explain why they are the way they are. The series may be about mindgames, but the actual narrative frames them as a juvenile way to go about relationships, a way to try to protect yourself from getting hurt because you’re afraid to trust. The entire core theme is that communication in relationships of any kind is the most important thing and you cant replace it with clever little tricks, so the main pair only ever make actual progress when they’re actually upfront with each other. Even if it’s scary to be that vulnerable with someone, especially if you’ve been hurt in the past like they have, the relationships you build off of mutual trust and openness will be worth the risk, and they can help heal you. And one of the things I love about the series is that this doesn’t just apply to the main pair, but it places equal emphasis on the importance of friendship. All the characters' relationships with each other are unique and interesting and they all develop the same way, with trust and openness, and they become better because of each other.

Despite being generally a comedy, a lot of the characters deal with some really heavy things too so trigger warning for: child abuse (not on-screen), child abandonment (again not on screen), anxiety and panic attacks, suicidal ideation- initionally played off as a joke but it becomes very obvious the character in question is legitimately suicidal and in the manga he nearly attempts it but is stopped, this plotpoint will most likely be in the anime at some point as it’s also not complete.

Your Lie In April

Alright I gave you a funny show now I’m going to make you cry. In fact it’s hard for me to type this synopsis because I’m an absolute crybaby and thinking about this show gets me, but I think it’s absolutely worth checking out because it’s a very beautiful sadness. Your Lie In April is a series that follows the stress and trauma young musical prodigies face in their lives, as well as the people around them, and it’s a series about the beauty of music and art, and just how much it affects people. The music in the show is absolutely gorgeous, the way that they convey emotion through it is so beautiful and intricate that it just sticks with you. You feel the music, and you understand.

I’m actually going to give the trigger warnings right now instead of at the end because in order to explain the plot I’ll have to talk about them so tw for: Child abuse (phsyical and mental, on-screen), terminal illness, death, in depth depictions of PTSD, vomiting, panic attacks, the works.

The series follows Kousei Arima, a formal piano prodigy who hasn’t performed since the death of his mother two years ago. Kousei's mother was terminally ill, but she was also incredibly abusive. Kousei has incredibly complex feelings about his mother because of this. The trauma she instilled in him is severe, but because he was a child, he still is a child, and he loved his mom a lot, as any child would, and he didn’t want her to die and he blames himself for not being good enough. He wanted to make her happy, and the only way he knew how to do that was to play the piano. So he played and played and practiced until he was perfect, they called him the human metronome. But he would still get severely punished for being anything less than perfect. He had lost all the passion he once had, and after his mother died it was the final nail in the coffin, his trauma manifests now in a way that makes him unable to play. But all that changes one day in April when he meets a violinist named Kaori Miyazono, a girl full of life and passion for music, she’s someone who according to Kousei “Exists in springtime.” and she’s going to help him play again and refined that love for music whether he wants to or not! Teen drama happens of course, but there are much bigger roadblocks ahead.

Assassination Classroom

This series is thankfully generally more lighthearted… Most of the time at least. The premise is pretty simple, but incredibly ridiculous. An incredibly powerful octopus-like creature is the teacher of a classroom of middle school students tasked with the assignment of assassinating him in order to save the world. The series starts off very slice-of-life as it focuses on introducing the very large cast of characters inside of Class E, also known as the “end class”, but it quickly gains traction and gets a lot more intense as time goes on.

The octopus creature in question, Korosensei, is actually a very kind and genuinely good teacher to all his students. The real crux of the series is that it’s sort of a critique on the educational system, the students in the end class are there because they’ve been ostracized from the rest of the campus, far away in the mountains, to be made examples of. Why? Because they’re students that are considered worthless, instead of getting help they’re only pushed back further down in the system and left to struggle within it fruitlessly. They’re given up on, despite being children with so much potential, because they don’t fit a very rigid mold. That’s what Korosensei wants to help them with, and they’re able to grow as people together. As the series progresses you feel such a great sense of unity for the class, they’re like a family, they stick together and it’s very heartwarming. And watching them work as a team of assassins is so fun!

However the series can get heavy at times too, it doesn’t stray from heavier subject matter at all and i found myself incredibly shocked by it a few times, so trigger warning for: Child abuse (on-screen and off), both at the hands of a parent and a teacher and in one case a parent who is also the principal, misgendering of a character, sometimes as a “joke” but other times played dead serious at the hands of his mother, child death- specifically suicide, a successful one as well as 3 assassination attempts that doubled as suicide attempts by the main 3 characters (weird parallel they all got there huh)

Puella Magi Madoka Magica

Honestly this is a series that is good to go in blind for if you need to tws, it’s a deconstruction of the magical girl genre, but if you don’t want to know more than that you can stop reading here. If you want to know more, it’s a series that starts off very light-hearted and in tune with typical magical girl conventions at first, however by episode 3 it’s made painfully clear that these girls are being led to sign up into something they shouldn’t. It’s heavy, though not incredibly so, but it’s also a lot to explain in a summary. Madoka magica is… It’s Faust with magical girls.

I’ll explain as much as I can without giving too much away. The story begins when Madoka Kaname and her friend Sayaka Miki encounter a creature who calls itself Kyubey, who says it can grant a wish of theirs and in exchange they have to become magical girls and fight witches. Both the girls are hesitant, but Sayaka wants to wish for her childhood friend’s injuries to be cured so he can play violin again, while Madoka is content as she is and can’t think of a wish. Luckily they have a mentor, a magical girl named Mami Tomoe who helps introduce them to everything. However something is stopping Madoka from becoming a magical girl, a mysterious new student who is also one herself, Homura Akemi, is resolute on keeping Madoka from becoming a magical girl by all means possible, for reasons Madoka doesn’t understand. Things get even more complicated when a rival magical girl shows up, Kyoko Sakura, who becomes Sayaka’s new rival. As things get more heated between those two they discover a terrible secret about the nature of magical girls, and what they truly signed up for.

Spoilers ahead but trigger warning for: Child death, parental death (backstory only), decapitation (off-screen), needles, incredibly surreal imagery inside the witch’s labyrinths that may feel unreal, mind control, suicide, depression and despair expressed by young characters. Also don't bother with Magia Record

The Disastrous Life Of Saiki K.

Alright something lighthearted now, there are a lot of comedy anime I enjoy, a lot of series that have made me laugh, but none has made me bust a gut like this series has, it’s absolutely hilarious. It follows the life of a boy named Saiki Kusuo who has psychic powers. His powers are incredibly overpowered, and he absolutely hates them, in his eyes they cause him nothing but trouble. There’s not much in the way of a plot to describe, because there isn’t any, the series is comprised of 5 minute segments surrounding Saiki and an incredibly vast and colorful cast of characters that are just all completely insane, many serve as parodies as types of anime tropes because the series as a whole is very self aware and doesn’t shy from breaking the fourth wall a lot, but the characters surrounding Saiki are what make his life… Disastrous.

Like I said there’s not really a plot to describe but like FMA people may get confused with this one, there are 3 seasons but one of them is titled “The Disastrous Life Of Saiki K: Reawakened” as is a continuation of the first two with just 6 episodes in it. Also for some reason only the second season isn’t dubbed so if you’re planning on watching it that way you’d have to either stop or switch to subs for season 2

The only major tw I can give here is an ongoing joke about a character being into his sister, he’s treated as disgusting for it of course because he’s a parody of that trope but that doesn’t make it any less uncomfortable, luckily he doesn’t show up much.

Little Witch Academia

Little Witch Academia is a series I personally just adore, it takes place in a world where witches are common and well-known among the people, but the era of witches is over and magic is dying out. However that doesn’t mean passion of magic doesn’t exist, the protagonist is a young girl named Atsuko Kagari, or Akko for short. She’s resolute on being just like her icon, a witch known as Shiny Chariot, as she attends the same magic school: Luna Nova! Unfortunately Akko isn’t exactly a magical prodigy, in fact she can’t even fly a broom, but that’s not gonna stop her, nothing will. Just like Chariot said, believing in yourself is your magic.

Once at school Akko gets into all types of crazy shenanigans with her with her two roommates, Lotte Yanson and Sucy Manbavaran, and occasionally her rival, Diana Cavendish. Akko still struggles a lot in school, in fact her inability with magic is pretty explicitly handled as a metaphor for a learning disability, and though this makes it harder for her she’s still resolute. Though the series is generally episodic, a concrete plot starts to form by the second core. Along with the help of her guidance counselor, Professor Ursula, Akko learns that she needs to unlock 7 “words” to bring magic back to the world, each time she learns a new one it comes with an important lesson to her and ultimately relates back to each of the core themes of the series

The series is pretty lighthearted so the biggest trigger warning I can give is one for bullying, two characters in particular tend to target Akko for not being a good witch and it can really sting to watch. Other than that none come to mind

[daniwritessometimes]

(re)Started a story!

Phillip is a transgender man returning to his life after being gone from his husband and son for fifteen years.

________________________

    Jason leaned over the books while his assistant toiled away at stitching a hem. Jason liked the designing and cutting of the clothes, but he was so happy he was finally able to have someone else to do all the smaller things. Sometimes he was able to get his sisters to help with embroidery, but mostly it was all him. And he didn’t much mind embroidering the odd waistcoat. It helped fill the lonely evenings after Michael was asleep. And especially would help once His son went to school in a few weeks.

    The bell over the door rang as a customer stepped in. Jason glanced up and smiled kindly at the man he didn’t recognize. “Be with you in just a moment.” He finished one more calculation, then closed the book, and slipped it under the counter.

    Jason made his way across the shop to where the young man was examining a bit of fabric. “Good afternoon. Welcome to Osborne’s. How may I help you today?”

    The young man turned around and removed his hat. There was something familiar about the almond eyes and the slightly crooked nose. Seeing the way the man’s mouth turned up sealed it. So much like Michael’s.

    “Eliza?” Jason breathed.

    The young man held out his hand. “My name is Phillip. Good day to you, sir.”

    Jason looked down at the outstretched hand. His eyes darted back up to the familiar face. “Where the hell have you been?”

    Phillip closed his hand and then dropped it to his side. “Around.” He looked to the assistant and then back to Jason. “I am in need of a new wardrobe. I have been sewing things myself, mostly, but I am sure you can see that I am far inferior to your expert hand.” He motioned to himself.

    Jason worked his jaw a moment and then nodded. “Come along then. Let me get your measurements.”

    He walked to the back of the shop, not looking to see if Phillip followed. He opened up his notebook where he wrote down the measurements for all his clients to a fresh page. He wrote “Phillip” at the top and then paused.

    “What did you say your surname was?”

    “I didn’t.” Phillip removed his coat and sat it and his hat on a nearby chair. “It’s Osborne, though. Never changed that.”

    Jason could feel the anger slowly building in him the longer Eliza was here. Phillip. Whatever the hell it was. He stepped forward and began to take the various measurements he needed.

    When Jason didn’t speak for a while, Phillip said, “I am staying in a hotel for now. But I am looking for something a little more permanent.”

    Jason made a non-committal sound.

    “I’ve been doing some writing for a newspaper. It’s how I’ve made my money over the years. It took a while to get good enough at it, though. I’ve written about travel. It’s all been very exciting.”

    “I’m sure.” Jason moved around to her front.

    “I had to come back because my funds have run out and I…I missed you and Michael.”

    Jason clenched his jaw. “Apparently not that much to be gone for fifteen years.”

    “There are many reasons I was gone so long.”

    “Right. And none you could ever write about.” Jason dropped to the ground to measure Phillip’s inseam.

    “Not if I wanted to stay out of prison.” Phillip’s voice was soft. “I have much to tell you. To explain. I know I cannot do it here and I know you will be reluctant to speak with me alone. I suggest a meeting place of some neutrality. Perhaps with your brother Anthony and his wife.”

    “And why would they be your first suggestion?”

    “Because of Zoe. The nature of it all.” Phillip looked down. “Don’t tell me you still don’t know everything that goes on with them?”

    “I know. We all know. We just don’t speak of it. But that still doesn’t tell me why it would be your first suggestion?”

    Phillip didn’t answer right away.

    Jason finished his measurements and wrote everything down. “We should discuss fabric choices.”

    “I am not one to care extremely for bright colors, as you well know. Blacks, blues, and greys will be sufficient.”

    “You always looked best in dark colors anyway,” Jason murmured as he made a note on the page. He looked up and then over to his assistant. “William, you can finish that tomorrow. Go home. And tell your father that Michael and I will be over for supper tonight.”

    “All right, Uncle.” William started cleaning up. “Will your friend also be coming?” He looked toward Phillip.

    “No,” Jason said quickly. He turned back to Phillip. “Let’s look at bolts and pick out what you prefer.” He walked toward a wall with several different shades of black and grey fabric. “Trousers in this light shade would be perfect. With a black coat.” He pointed to a deep black fabric. “I see it paired with an emerald waistcoat and tie.”

    Jason looked over his shoulder to see Phillip smiling oddly at him. “This suits you.”

    Jason ignored that. “I can make you coats and trousers in each of these colors. And some riding gear as well. Would that work for you?”

    “Yes, that would. But as I stated, I am low on funds. So we could start with pair of trousers and a coat. I have a few waistcoats I rather like that I would like to have tailored for a better fit.”

    “All right. So which colors first?”

    Phillip walked the length of the wall of fabrics and pulled at a deep blue. “This for a coat. And that grey for the trousers.” He nodded toward the light grey Jason had indicated before.

    The bell rang as William left through the front door.

    “The blue will be perfect for your eyes,” Jason whispered.

    Phillip looked down and blushed. Then cursed softly and straightened up. “Can’t shake the femininity sometimes.”

    Jason sighed and went back to his notebook to write down the fabric choices. “I can have these ready for a fitting next week.”

    “Can I see Michael?” Phillip asked.

    “No.”

    Phillip sighed. “I understand.”

    “Do you really?” Jason closed his notebook hard. “Do you understand anything you’ve done to us, Eliza?”

     “My name is Phillip,” the other man snapped. “And being Phillip is the reason I left. I couldn’t be your wife and his mother if I wanted to survive. I wanted to be dead, Jason.  I wanted die every time you and I went to bed together. It was all wrong. I was always wrong, Jay. But now I am right. And I know I did it wrong before. I cannot change that.”

    “But I can protect my son.” Jason tapped the notebook. “I will make your clothes. But our relationship will remain professional. I will consider allowing you to meet Michael in the future, but I don’t know how soon.”

    Phillip nodded and put on his coat. He twisted his hat in his hands. “I can give you the address of my hotel.”

    Jason opened up his notebook and passed it to Phillip.

    Phillip wrote the address in a beautiful, looping hand. It was instantly familiar. Jason’s throat caught as he remembered the letter she left behind when she ran away from them. He’d read it so many times hoping to find the answer as to why. But it never showed.

    Phillip donned his hat once more and tipped it at Jason. “I will see you in a week.”

    Jason nodded and watched him leave.

    He locked the door and then went about closing up the shop.

[cr-darksienna]

hello hello! i’m here to bring you an idol group’s absolutely trash of a leader, rapper and vocal, jeong jaehyuk. he’s a jack of all trades, master of none with a bit of an anger streak and anger issues that he’s been learning over the years to handle. darkly charismatic and with a open history due to a big scandal that he had few months into riot’s debut, hyuk is a performer with a 150% effort and attitude, living like he can burn out in a single day and not live to see the next sunrise tomorrow. incorrigible, possessive and with a slightly petty streak, he’s not one to pull his punches (esp with his members) with anyone that offends him, though he’s been taming himself under bc’s watchful eye until more recently. call him a cesspool of moral filth or a festering pool of toxicity, he’s as deeply insecured behind his antagonistic nature, and has worked ten times as hard for 13 years in his company to get himself to where he kinda is in right now, neither here nor there, halted in his steps by a company that feels he’s not up to it due to his loose handle on emotions and a desperate attempt to quell down on the various scandals that knight has had.

his company has played into the image of the bad boy of the group for him, especially after his first (and only) scandal, and he plans to make the most of it, especially with the reins now loosened on his end. he’s spent quite the time being a tamed tiger, and isn’t going to hesitate upon wreaking havoc once he’s been let loosened.

do hit the like button if you’d like to plot with him, and i’ll pop into your discords / dms! hyuk’s a muse that i prefer brainstorming for instead of having plots ahead of time, so feel free to go ahead and throw anything in his direction when we discuss!

profile / background 

about stuff : (tw: abandonment, anger issues, violence)

he says he doesn’t have parents, which is partially true, considering he spent almost all of his life in the foster care system, until he aged out at 18. being bounced around from foster house to foster house in the adoption system didn’t do well for his own personality and view about himself, and he came away with a really bad anger streak and violent tendencies, especially when someone tries to poke him / agitates him.

if he wasn’t an idol, hyuk would have gone on to do some petty crimes, because prior to the age of 13 (when he was casted by bc for his face), he was sliding towards the dark side of the law, running from school, getting into street fights, doing little things that never set a juvenile record, but still wasn’t all that clean either.

he was casted one day when running away from school when he was 13 (his results needless to say were trash), and was offered a contract because of his face. his company was looking for someone with similar vibes to his own, and was willing to train him as long as he remained committed to the trainee path. he took up the offer with the insistence of his then foster mother--the orphanage’s owner, who honestly couldn’t wait to get rid of him, due to all the trouble he made.

so jaehyuk became a trainee just through a scrape of luck--his rapping skills were pretty okay, and so were his vocals, and bc felt as though they could polish him more if he did became a trainee, and so he started 13 years of his trainee life. being a trainee actually directed a lot of his excess energy from his angered self into his personal commitment to master a single thing--and he eventually became known amongst trainees as one of the most competitive, even if he wasn’t the best at what he did.

he was like a blackhole, constantly desperate to learn, and when he learned something, he was equally as desperate to master it, just doing things in the way that he knew how to do--and that was to knock on it until he either punched a hole through and understood it, or the door opened on itself for him. rapping became that particular outlet that he felt he moderately achieved some success with, but it wasn’t enough.

hungry for more he turned his eyes to producing, composing, even took acting classes and variety classes, just to fill that gaping hole of inadequacy that he felt made him out to be just not enough. while he knows he’s not the best, he’s proud of his unique vision for performance, and is pretty insistent about his artistic vision, which he gradually found a talent for.

but well. its not enough. he wanted--no he needed more.

and so when riot came and he became their leader by some crappy stroke of fate, he set what he felt was the lowest boundary  for all of their members : respect each other, give your best to all that you do for riot, if not, i will sock you in the face. from the beginning, hyuk was very clear that he wouldn’t be the best leader, because he knew he had more than enough flaws in himself, and even felt that he lacked the qualifications to be one, but since his own fate relied on riot being successful, he expected everyone else in the group to at the very least, treat it with the same respect and effort he does, because one way or another they’re all in this whole thing together.

funny thing is: a few months after their debut and their first scandal (that wasn’t his), he lands himself in hot water for a violence scandal, having punched a male bystander in anger. bc was chagrined enough to put him on notice and probation for a while, and desperate to claim back a bit of a credibility, a press conference was held for him to apologise publically.

hyuk abandoned his pride (for various personal reasons as well) that day and went on his hands and knees in front of the reporters, apologising for his scandal and promising to be a better person. unfortunately, that sealed quite a lot of opportunities for him from his company.

his company felt that he needed to get a better grip on his emotions and anger issues before coming out again to the public in other areas apart from his group, and so he wasn’t able to do any variety or act , or even produce any songs (he still wrote lyrics and produced for his group occasionally, and could still produce his own songs, but those songs he produced wouldn’t be selected for a solo), and so to pacify his company hyuk literally abstained from creating another scandal from himself (though he did still cause a bit of problems in his own group), and held himself back until much recently. apart from that, his company publically disclosed much of his history and background to the public--thus rendering it open knowledge that hyuk was an orphan (abandoned by his mother), and from the foster care system, with a slight history of not going well in school etc.

his image is not particularly clean and bright, instead he’s known for the nitty gritty stuff, of which most of his fans have taken to his bad boy image, liking to imagine him to a particular trope because of his apparently rather cute face.

some plot ideas:

he’s a lone wolf by nature, and so he has little (only 2) friends around him, unless you’re mostly from bc and have trained with him for a set amount and a good period of time. these are the people that know him the best, who sees past that angry battered child inside of him to the blackhole that’s yearning for approval and desperate to make himself feel whole again. they’ve seen his self destructive tendencies, watched him careen over the edge and violently fall, do things that he knows clearly isn’t good for him and then suffer the repercussions all over again. ( note: cannot be from his group..he probably doesn’t have a good relationship with most of the riot members)

exes, flings, fwbs : god, he has so many. none of them are consistent, and none of them last between a month to two months really. he simply treats them as if there’s no option of anything further beyond just the wrestle of bodies in bedsheets, and the fierce scratch of his nails against their backs. more often than not, its not him that gets hurt, because he has the tendency to leave before anything further happens. has he fallen for any of them before? probably not. only one, really. don’t get your hopes up, he tells them with a cigarette dangling from his lips and puffs of smoke in the air. because he’s just nothing but the biggest jerk when it comes to feelings and relationships.

the bad influence: he does a lot of vices, from smoking to drinking, to just..a lot of things that most people won’t attempt to try, chasing after that fleeting moment of a thrill and desire. perhaps you’re looking for a kindred spirit who likes the thrill of danger as you do, or you’d like him to spoil you for the worse things in life, open a door to destroy and ruin you completely just like he feels that he’s done to himself.

rivals: ...yeah i don’t think i need to say more, because he’s someone that rises up to the challenge so fully and completely its almost as if he’s itching to have a fight or a challenge. perhaps he’s punched you before, or you differ in your philosophies and values, one way or another, it’s hyuk’s fault that he’s offended you, and you’re both just going to go down because of it.

connection:

the girl he’s in love with (possibly his endgame ; arnd 26 yrs old?) : an idol from a group as well, she’s one of his few closest friends, and he’s known her for around 13 years. they have a on & off friends with benefits thing, with him meeting her after she left his company for 10 years. he’s the one she always gravitates to back again, and they’re equally, broken, twisted and carnal--that’s why they’re perfect for each other, since they’re the only ones that can take and survive each other.

[stellarspecter]

for the fanfic ask game: F, G, M, and R?

G: Do you write your story from start to finish, or do you write the scenes out of order?

it depends. usually at least a little out of order, but if i don’t have an outline done and i don’t know where it’s going, then it’ll have to be in order unless i have a really clear idea for a scene, which doesn’t happen super often.

M: Got any premises on the back burner that you’d care to share?

i did get this question already, but i’ve got a few more i could share! i’ve a doc titled “rulie to rukebox kissing practice” that i’ve been sporadically working on, and i’ve got one about reggie and gender called butterflies and glitter, because he/she/they reggie is everything

R: Are there any writers (fanfic or otherwise) you consider an influence?

oh jeez. uh. not really? i’m not that aware of my writing in such an analytical way, if that makes sense. one time someone compared a story i wrote to douglas adams? but i don’t really write in a similar way to anyone on purpose

F: Share a snippet from one of your favorite dialogue scenes you’ve written and explain why you’re proud of it.

this is an excerpt from my bobby angst fic, ‘all this feeling second best, it’s got me by the throat.’ i really liked writing this part, since it was sort of a breath of fresh, lighthearted air after so much angst in the rest of the story. i like to think i’m good at writing dialogue, and this was really fun, especially since i got to use some memes. the boys teasing bobby my beloved <3 (it’s a bit of a longer excerpt so i’ll put it under a cut)

“Oh my god, do I have a crush on you?” He burst out.

There was a moment of silence in the studio before Alex, Luke, and Reggie started laughing, nearly falling over themselves with how hard they were cracking up.

“Stop laughing!” Bobby demanded, undermined by the giddy laughter bubbling up in him as well. “This is serious! Do I have a crush on you?”

Alex wiped tears from his eyes. “Well, I don’t know, Bobert, it’s pretty gay to kiss three dudes after confessing your undying love.”

Bobby flushed. “Alright —”

“It’s pretty gay to write songs about the three dudes you wanna kiss,” Luke teased.

“You do that! Motherfucker —” Bobby tackled Luke, wrestling him for a minute before giving up and settling back down.

“It’s pretty gay to dream about cuddling your bros every night and not even realize you’ve been pining after them for years,” Reggie said, a shit-eating grin on his face.

“I came out to have a good time and I’m honestly feeling so attacked right now,” Bobby said, voice muffled from where he was hiding his bright red face in his hands. A pause. “That is pretty gay, though.”

Reggie laughed and pried his hands apart to give him a kiss. “Love you, baby.”

“Love you, too,” Bobby grumbled, still embarrassed.

“I can’t believe you didn’t realize you had a crush on us,” Alex snickered. “You said you were jealous of us for how long?”

“A couple of years,” Bobby muttered reluctantly.

“Years. Years he was pining for our touch! But totally not in a gay way, no, totally not,” Alex teased, overly dramatic gestures almost hitting Bobby in the face. He shoved Alex playfully.

“I just wanted to cuddle! I never thought about kissing you,” Bobby defended himself.

Luke gave a picture perfect pout. “You never thought about kissing me? Not even once?”

Bobby avoided eye contact. “....Not extensively.”

“Ha! You did!” Luke crowed.

“It wasn’t, like, the main thing I thought about!” Bobby cried. “I was mostly just really touch starved!”

“Aw, come over here.” Reggie made grabby hands at him until he climbed over Luke, the other boy moving to the spot he just vacated, and into his arms. Upon arrival, Reggie promptly entangled himself with Bobby in an octopus-like embrace, squeezing him in a tight hug. “You don’t need to fantasize about us anymore, you can have the real thing anytime you want. No more mister touch starved, okay?”

A lump rose in Bobby’s throat. “Okay.” He nodded and buried his face in Reggie’s neck.

“So are we all dating Bobby now?” Alex asked.

“Yes, obviously,” Luke said, and then grunted like someone had just elbowed him in the gut.

“Bobby?” Alex prompted.

“Yes, we can all be dating,” Bobby said into Reggie’s collar.

“Such enthusiasm,” Alex commented.

Bobby twisted around to face Alex. “I have expressed enough emotions in the last hour to last me years. Literally. So I’m good for the next, oh I don’t know, decade?”

“There’s our Bobby, allergic to feelings again!” Luke teased.

“You know, now that you’re dating us, you’re probably gonna have to learn to be open and expressive and let yourself feel things,” Reggie said.

Bobby made a face. “Gross.”

“It’s only a matter of time, Bobster,” said Reggie. “The clock’s ticking.”

“It’ll take months or years or something, I’ve got plenty of time to be repressed before then.”

“Well then, good thing we’re not letting you go for a while,” Luke said, snuggling up against Bobby’s back to prove it. He pressed a kiss to his shoulder and Bobby hid his lovestruck smile in the crook of Reggie’s neck.

“Mmm. Good thing,” Bobby replied absently and relaxed into his boyfriends’ arms.

[lynyrdwrites]

kc + all the good girls go to hell // billie eilish

I’m not entirely happy with this, but it’s what I could put into words.  Takes place in the “Life After Rapture” ‘verse.

---

 Caroline hadn't been raised particularly religious.  It was part of the reason she hadn't been all that surprised that she had been left behind on Earth during the Rapture.  And really, it had ended up not so bad for her, all things considered.  

But she had been raised with a certain set of morals.  

Yet somewhere, between being hired by the Anti-Christ and falling in love with him... she worried those morals had been lost.  Not that she went around killing people randomly, of course.  That was messy, and involved paperwork... and the whining.  God, the whining.

And that was where the problem was - these days, she found herself being anti-murder, not because it was wrong, but because it meant extra work, and wasn't there something pretty wrong about that.

"You've been distracted, Love."

Klaus' voice was warm in a way it only ever was for her.  For the rest of the world, he was cruel and careless.  He only showed mercy if Caroline requested it, and she found herself doing that less and less out of the goodness of her heart, in a way that was kind of worrying.  

And Klaus clearly wasn't happy with the way she kept letting her thoughts distract her from his presence, because he nipped her neck hard enough to make her yelp and glare at him out of the corner of her eye as he pressed a soothing kiss to the poor, abused spot.

"Pay attention, Caroline.  You'll miss the best part."

"You know, we both have work to do," she muttered, even as she reached back to run a hand through his curls, and tilted her head a bit, so he could have better access to her neck.  She loved the way he kissed her there, and the damn Devil knew it. 

"I know the boss.  I'll excuse us."

She smiled, but it felt a little strained.  Because half her mind was still on the thoughts that had been troubling her dreams lately - thoughts of how her morality was becoming twisted, and did that mean she was twisted too?

"You're distracted." Klaus sighed, and pressed a kiss to her shoulder.  "This isn't fun if you're not fully involved.  What's wrong?"

"Nothing," Caroline replied, pasting a bright and incredibly fake smile onto her lips.  "Just thinking about a problem Finn handed over to me."

That seemed viable.  Finn was always finding new problems to hand over to Caroline.  She was pretty sure he took a twisted sort of glee in it.  He might not be the Anti-Christ, but Caroline was pretty sure 'Evil' was a trait that really came from their shared mother more than the Devil.

Klaus just looked at her, and raised a brow.  Her excuse was valid, but he wasn't buying it.  So rather than try to lie again, she just shrugged, her thoughts a discomfort she wasn't ready to share, and climbed out of bed.  

"Should I guess?" Klaus asked her back as she walked to the ridiculous walk-in closet that she had all but monopolized.  

"No reading my mind," Caroline shot back, still not looking at him.

"I don't need to read your mind, Love.  I can simply read you.  In fact, it's really the only talent I've ever truly dedicated myself to perfecting.  Even my art hasn't taken up so much of my time." Caroline rolled her eyes at his dramatics, but she'd be lying if she said she wasn't a little bit charmed.  Mostly because, dramatic or not, she knew that Klaus meant it.  "You're not evil, Love."

"Sometimes, dating the Anti-Christ sucks," Caroline muttered, but she dropped the blouse she'd been holding to turn around and glare at him.  "Finn really did toss me a problem the other day, you know.  There's a group of idiots that have taken to carrying around flags with crosses and claiming that the reason they were left behind was to be God's warriors on Earth to take you out.  And don't look at me like that - I took care of it Klaus.  They won't be doing anything like that again.  But I knew if I involved you, they'd be dead."

"They still could be," Klaus murmured, his eyes narrowing slightly in thought.

"No, they won't.  Because you won't find them.  Trust me."

"Fine" - Klaus waved that away, though Caroline suspected that they'd come back to it at some point.  Klaus never let anything go that easily - "Please, tell me how saving some fools' lives makes you evil.  I'm sure your logic will be fascinated."

"Because, when I was doing it, all I could think about was how much of a pain in my ass they were.  And I had to keep reminding myself that the resulting paperwork if I did let you have them would be even worse." Caroline turned away from him again, but she didn't really see the closet.  Instead, she remembered her dreams of her disappointed father.  "It had nothing to do with the fact they were people and killing them would be wrong."

She didn't realize Klaus had joined her until he wrapped his arms around her waist and rested his chin on her shoulder.  It was comforting, the weight and warmth of his arms.  

"Elijah informs me that the group homes you created are up and running," he said after a moment.  "It was a good idea to put Kol in charge of them.  Annoying as he is, he's quite good with the equally annoying brats."

Caroline's brow furrowed at his words, trying to figure out the logic in the topic change.  She had put Kol in charge of creating group homes for the minors left behind in the Rapture because the rest of his family treated him as the reckless daredevil who had nothing to offer.  She had known he would be good for the lost souls that had been left behind by their parents in favor of the Heavens, and some solid responsibility had calmed Kol's habit of annoying Klaus near constantly.  Win all around.

"I'm glad, but I think I'm missing the point."

"You created those homes because you saw lost souls that needed them.  And you gave the responsibility to Kol, because you recognized that he was a lost soul too, when the rest of us simply wrote him off." Klaus pressed a kiss to her cheek.  "Don't judge yourself based off your reaction to a bunch of self-righteous evangelicals who can't accept that their way of doing things went against what their precious God stood for.  Judge yourself based off of that. Besides, you conscience will never be rotten as mine."

Caroline snorted, because there weren't many people worse than Klaus.  But his words gave her some comfort, and she turned in his arms, wrapping her arms around his neck to kiss him.  

"You're not as awful as you claim.  That was almost sweet.  You softie."

"Only for you, Caroline." He kissed her again and grinned.  "Now... back to bed?"

She pulled away and retrieved her blouse with a laugh, tugging it on.

"Sorry, my attack of conscience stole our time together.  Three... two..."

And right on schedule, Finn gave three sharp knocks on the door, because you could always set your clock by Finn Mikaelson.  Klaus groaned and flopped back onto the bed, and Caroline finished getting dressed, and listened to Finn's latest litany of problems through the door.

Maybe her morals had become a bit burnished... but this was a time after the Apocalypse.  And she had better things to worry about than self-righteous hypocrites.  

Unless they were named Finn Mikaelson. 

[cuculine-nelipot]

POSTSCRIPT: IN THE AFTERGLOW

{a little Lambskel-centric companion piece I wrote to @stfustucky‘s Custom Made, set directly after chapter 15. ao3}

Geralt’s door closed with a gentle thud; he and Jaskier were settled for the night, and that in turn settled something inside Eskel. Just one more idiot brother to take care of. Not that Eskel wouldn’t be absolutely lying if he said that his motives in making his way back to Lambert's room were purely altruistic.

It had been a uniquely busy day, and they were all as a result, uniquely exhausted. But still Eskel felt an… itch. Just beneath the surface of his skin. It had been there for hours now, but he had dutifully ignored it in the face of Jaskier’s much more urgent needs. With that done however, his own desires burned to make themselves known, demanding satisfaction.

The prospect of more skin contact should have made him sick — and it did. The thought of touching Jaskier anymore, or Geralt, or hell anyone for that matter, made his skin crawl. He chafed everywhere. Oil, sweat, spit, and an unfathomable amount of seed stuck to his skin, drying in matted clumps on his chest and stomach and groin. The smell clung to his nose, thick and cloying.  It was nauseating, to be quite honest, and the smell of stale fuck only got stronger the closer he got to Lambert’s room.

But under it all there was that intoxicating blend of apple, cinnamon, clove, nutmeg, sparkles (if that was thing that had a smell,) citrus — Baby Wolf. Lambert who — save for a scant few incidental brushes as they traded off getting Jaskier off — he hadn’t gotten to touch properly all day. And that just wouldn’t do now, would it?

“C’mon you filthy bastard, let’s get you cleaned up.” He sauntered into the room to find the youngest wolf splayed on his bed like a sacrificial — well not virgin, but you get the idea.  He hadn’t even bothered getting under the sheets which, considering his long-standing and well documented (groused about) hatred of the cold, was truly a testament to how spent he was. Seeing him so wrecked — all loose limbs and tousled hair, his face slack, skin still faintly flushed, Eskel almost felt bad disturbing him. Almost, because Lambert was fussier than he’d ever admit, and the filthy sheets, and enough fluids crusting on his skin to rival Eskel, hardly promised a good night’s sleep. “C’mon little wolf,” Eskel cooed. He perched himself on the foot of the bed, coaxingly stroking Lambert’s shin with blunt nails. “Want me to carry you?”

“Fuck off I’m not a fucking child,” Lambert grumbled petulantly, but sat up anyway; elbows on his knees, blearily rubbing at his eyes with the heals of his palms. “Fuck I’m tired.” He slumped into Eskel’s side, and thick fingers immediately began lightly scratching his scalp in small circles. Not enough.

“I know, but you’ll sleep better in a clean bed.” His voice low, and gravelly. In part because he was exhausted, but mostly because he knew all the little tricks it took to entice a grumpy Lambert into his bed. The voice was a crucial element.

“Aren’t you tired of… touching?” Lambert whined. He would never admit that he whined. Might stab you if you called him out on it. But it was a whine. Still, he didn’t move away, and Eskel took that as encouragement, sliding his hand down to rub Lambert's upper back.

“Not you,” he leaned in closer, burying his nose in Lambert’s hair both to prove his point, and to seek out more of that smell like spiced cider. “I always want you close.” That couldn't be denied. They were always touching when no one was looking, only slightly less when they were, and the days at the beginning and end of their annual spell at Kaer Morhen were spent trying to quell the frantic need to make up for lost time. It never worked, but it made damn sure they survived another long year on the Path.

Lambert didn’t answer for a while, leaving Eskel to wonder if he’d fallen asleep sitting up. “Fine,” he finally relented, but didn’t move.

“My offer stands." Eskel smiled, but it wasn't teasing. His voice stayed low; thunder rolling in the distance, the promise of something coming. Lambert loved the rain. "Wouldn’t be the first time.”

“Nah, I can walk,” Lambert insisted, and pressed himself harder into Eskel’s side, eyes closed, the beginnings of a smile playing at the corner of his lips. Eskel didn’t bother suppressing a chuckle as he wrapped an arm around the smaller Witcher’s waist and gently pulled him up.

Lambert’s less than half-hearted show of independence lasted only until they left the relative warmth of his room and stepped into the bone-chilling hallway. The cold set his teeth chattering instantly, and he wasted no time in jumping onto Eskel’s back and hanging on like a limpet, doing his level best to soak in as much heat as possible. Until Lambert, Eskel hadn’t known any Witcher to shiver. Assumed they just didn’t. But then, Lambert was always special.

“Fuck it’s cold. Should’ve put on some pants. Or boots at least.” Sticky chest (and sticky cock) pressed into Eskel’s back, sticky face buried in the crook of his neck, sticky limbs wrapped securely around his torso, Eskel probably should have been more grossed out than he was. Mostly he just felt warmth pooling in his chest as something gold and glowing settled deep in him. Love, satisfaction — call it what you want. “Hurry up would you?” Those lips mumbling his against skin; Eskel fought down the urge to groan in pleasure.

As soon as they passed the threshold of Eskel’s significantly less pungent quarters, Lambert sprang for the bed, but was immediately jerked back by a firm grip around his wrist.

“Fuck’s sake Eskel! It’s freezing, my balls are about to fall off.”

“You’re covered in come Lambert, your balls will last another minute.” But he picked Lambert up by the waist and stood him on the rug by the fireplace anyway, so that at the very least he wouldn't standing on cold stone.

Eskel fetched a clean cloth and a pair of trousers, igni-ed up a small basin of water and set to work wiping Lambert down. His large hands were impossibly gentle, as they always were, but he moved with efficiency, and kept a steadying hold on the fast fading youngest wolf the whole time. He resisted the urge to linger at the smaller man’s tenderest places, instead kneeling down to help Lambert into the thick, soft trousers he not-so-secretly kept on hand just for him. He planted a chaste kiss into his firm stomach just above the waistband as he tied off the laces.

Eskel wanted more — wanted to kiss him breathless, senseless, wanted to watch him fall apart and come together again under his careful attention — but Lambert was swaying where he stood, half gone, and they had tomorrow.

“Go on then,” Eskel whispered, voice hoarse. He barely held back a laugh (only so many times he could get away with that in one night) as Lambert launched himself into the bed with cat-like eagerness and agility.

“Fuck this is good,” Lambert moaned as he curled up beneath the pile of furs.

“Yeah,” Eskel agreed, just looking at the soft face and ruffled hair peeking out while he wiped himself down just as thoroughly but with much less ceremony. “Pretty damn near perfect.”

After stoking the all but dead fire back to life, he crawled up next to Lambert and twisting, retrieved a vial from his bedside table.

“That your broken-dick oil?” Lambert didn’t need to look to know, the act was so familiar.

“Mhm. Thought we could both use some. May I?”

“Fine.” Lambert helpfully rolled onto his back. “But no funny business.” When nothing happened, he cracked open an eye to find Eskel peering at him with amused questioning painted on his face. “I can smell you getting hornier by the second you lecherous old bastard,” he explained, “and I’m all fucked out.” “Mm,” Eskel hummed indulgently, smiling at him. “No funny business,” he agreed, pouring the subtle thyme and lavender concoction onto his palm, holding it moment to warm it up. He slid his deft hand into Lambert’s trousers, and took his time massaging the oil into Lambert’s velvety, very soft, very much spent cock and balls — nothing funny, just… savouring the feel of the other man his hand. Once he got them both sorted, he rubbed the excess oil onto Lambert’s chest, knowing he found the smell pleasantly soporific.

Finally settling down, Eskel arranged them so that they lay chest to chest, with Lambert’s head resting on Eskel’s bicep, tucked under his chin. He breathed in the scent of Lambert, not completely clean, but clean enough for now. Tomorrow they could scrub off in the hot springs and then get to work bathing in the smell of them instead. But for now they had this lazy intimacy. Eskel stroked Lambert’s back with his free hand, from the nape of his neck to the very small of his back.

“This okay?” He asked, not un-smugly when Lambert squirmed against him.

“S’fine,” Lambert answered, and then, after a deep, considering inhale, “s’nice.”

Warm in Eskel’s bed, cradled safely in Eskel’s arms, the smell of lavender and thyme, and the damp stone of Eskel swaying him gently to sleep’s edge, Lambert drifted. Fully relaxed, entirely exhausted, utterly unguarded, his mind, rather unfortunately and completely unsanctioned, began actually processing the day’s events instead of just hastily shoving them away, as was his custom. Not good. He didn’t like it. His brow twitched into a frown. His shoulder’s bunched slightly. He clasped his hands between his knees.

“I can hear you thinking little wolf. Sounds painful.” Eskel did in fact hear the slightest stutter in breathing, just as he caught the sour note of worry and sadness, felt the tension creeping into the body in in his arms. When Lambert didn’t offer up an explanation, Eskel cupped the back of his neck, thumbing his jaw, and gently pulled them far enough apart to look at him properly. “What’s wrong?”

Lambert’s eyes flickered to his and away again. Never a good sign. “I’m an arsehole.” Straight to the point, at least. After so many decades he knew that he could trust Eskel with anything.

Eskel hummed, more to buy himself time to figure out what the fuck Lambert was on about than anything else. He was far too tired and would have preferred to wait until morning to have any sort of conversation, but he wasn’t about to let whatever this was eat at Lambert all night. “This about your attempt at dirty-talk?” He realised eventually.

“Yeah,” Lambert confirmed. He still didn’t make eye contact, but even in the dark his guilt was evident to Eskel — written clear as day across the shadows of face, the too-taught lines of his body, in his smell.

Sure, Lambert could be a prick; it was an image he cultivated carefully and with great pride, but he never wanted to actually hurt anyone he didn’t think deserved it. Couldn’t stand the thought in fact. And he definitely didn’t think Jaskier deserved it. Left to navigate his thoughts alone, Lambert would inevitably fall into a spiral of shame and self-loathing they’ll have a hell of a time pulling him out of, and not without significant collateral damage. Eskel wasn’t going to let it happen.

“Pretty sure he forgave you. More than once if memory serves.”

“Well that’s just because he’s nice innit?”

“So are you.”

“M’not nice.” Lambert grumbled, trying to hide his face against Eskel’s chest again as he sniffled almost imperceptibly.

“Hey, look at me.” When he wasn’t immediately obeyed, Eskel tugged lightly at Lambert’s hair and was met with acquiescence; puppy eyes looked up at him imploringly, glistening more than the fire- and moonlight could account for. “Lambert, if you were so much as half the arsehole you think you are, you wouldn’t be so worked up about it. You made a mistake. It happens. He forgave you, and he was perfectly happy to have you keep fucking and fussing him. All day.”

This time when Lambert tucked his face into his neck, Eskel let him, giving him time to work through the logic on his own. If pushed too hard, he’d just get stubborn about it, and then there would be no stopping him from crashing.

“Think Geralt’s mad?” Lambert asked eventually, having decided that yeah, the he and the bardling were probably okay. He’d apologise again tomorrow just to be sure.

“I know he’s not. Wouldn’t have stayed if he was, or thanked you after, or agreed to wash your sheets.” More concrete evidence for Lambert to turn over before accepting that no, no one was mad at him.

Meanwhile, deep wintery silence dripped over them like black treacle, coating them in silky soft sweetness, and Eskel began to doze off. Still, he kept up a litany of tender, reassuring touches up and down Lambert’s back, making sure the younger man knew he was still there with him, for him. He scratch at the nape of his neck, rubbed firm circles between his shoulder-blades and the small of his back, gently massaged a large knuckle down his spine. Lambert slowly unwound, his shoulders went slack, he curled an arm around Eskel’s ribs, reaching up to play with his hair. But he could not so much as begin to fall asleep, hovering just on the precipice despite the bone-deep exhaustion of his body. He needed just a little more.

“Eskel?”

“Mm?”

“You can kiss me if you want.”

Another night, Eskel might have teased him for asking for affection in such a round-a-bout, Lambert-esque way, but he really wanted to kiss him and wouldn’t risk losing the privilege. Instead, he slid a hand up to cup Lambert’s jaw, tilting his head back, brushing his plush lower lip with a calloused thumb.

Another night, Lambert might have at least made a show of wrestling for control, but he was wanting. So instead he parted his lips just enough to let Eskel do as he pleased, and was rewarded with a deep, sweet kiss that pulsed through his whole body, and curled his toes. Waves of pleasure lapped at every raw thread of his nervous system, cresting in his skull, swallowing the noise in his mind and washing it out to sea. A kiss that only stopped when they were both smiling too much for Eskel to continue with any sort of craftsmanship.

“Better?”

Lambert was still smiling up at him — that smile like dancing sunlight that so few people got to see. A smile reserved for moments like this, when Lambert was alone with someone he loved, who he knew loved him and would never hurt him, or send him away. “Yeah.”

“Good,” Eskel all but purred. “Now get some rest.”

That same treacle silence, but sweeter, softer, smoother than silk and warmer than wool.

“Eskel?”

“Mm?”

A moment passed, the air between them filled with nothing but the sound of their hearts beating in time, and the vibration of hesitancy, anticipation. “Nothing.” Coward.

Another moment, another synchronous heartbeat. “I love you too Lambert.”

Petal pink warmth exploded across Lambert’s face, sinking into his chest, settling deep in his gut, quick and almost violent. He bit into Eskel’s collarbone, hard. Get it together moron.

Between the man before him and Aiden, — and fuck, sometimes even Geralt — it was getting easier to hear, easier to believe, easier to say, but slowly, slowly. “Love you.”

The pleased hum like rolling thunder that emanated from Eskel’s chest, rumbling through Lambert everywhere their bodies touched, was more than reward enough. The soft, lingering kiss pressed into his crown knocked him right out.

[toooldforfandom-liveblogs]

She-Ra and the Princesses of Power S02E05 - White Out

White Out makes me think of snow and blizzards but Google is telling me that it's also the name for the liquid used to fix mistakes when people wrote with pen on paper. Y'know, prehistory. So. It could be something related to Frosta or it could be someone trying to tape over a mistake? Or maybe both. Or none of those at all. I don't know, so let's do this!

This explains why neither of these two appeared in the previous episode. Apparently they are in... a mountain? Or one of the planet's poles?

When the... "beast" attacked the Best Friends Squad back in the first episode of the first season, I really thought they'd be more prevalent that they'd been. I think the horse has done more damage through the show than the local wildlife.

It makes sense that they'd mostly ignore that threat considering the focus of the show has been firmly in the confrontation between The Horde and The Rebellion, but now that Catra and Entrapta seem to be alone in the snow... what a perfect opportunity for a winter horror episode plot.

Hey, I think I already watched this episode! They are going to find an iceberg with a glowing kid inside.

Well, that's a coat.

They burned down and sank to the bottom of the ocean, Bow. Haven't you learned anything about Seahawk?

Yeah, have to agree, Fire would have been a better fate.

The only man in the entire alliance with a boat.

It's always surprising when a cartoon character shows up with different clothes because it's so uncommon.

oh no my continuity theories

I'll forgive the wonky eyes this time because they are very appropriate.

SCORPIA IS ASKING CATRA OUT IN A DATE.

To think all that effort and cute bumbling is being wasted on Catra.

oooh, evil virus shard is back

I'm not sure why that's a surprise.

I was hoping she wouldn't mention that tiny tidbit of info but nope. And I doubt Catra is going to have any doubts about using it

But She-Ra didn't lose her powers, she lost them because they had to take out the sword from her hands before she continued her rampage. Is the monster of this winter horror movie actually going to be She-Ra? Because I want to watch that. Good characters turned evil are always fun.

Also Scorpia being the protagonist of her own romcom is also very good.

no

Every time Sea Hawks appears I fear it'll be the episode where he starts getting annoying but nope, still great.

Now I'm thinking that Catra is going to disable She-Ra with the murder-virus and immediately after they'll all get attacked by a snow monster. Because, y'know, Catra can't win.

...I can't take them seriously when most of them look like marshmallows.

Adora's biggest character development moment in this show will be when she realizes that chasing Catra is always a bad idea.

There goes my theory from last episode that Scorpia didn't want to kill Glimmer. Dead, like Glimmer.

She's already falling to her death, there's no reason to stress over some creepy monster eyes.

sending thoughts and prayers

First meeting in person! I expected more from everyone else but I guess they are busy.

You know the writers have done a good job with a character when you hear something like that and you go "yup, that's entrapta"

Welp, now she'll have the guts to murder Catra. Unless she drops the sword.

As awesome as I hoped.

Catra right now.

I was thinking that this episode seemed to be moving a bit fast since they were already fighting a third into the episode but the teams separating could be interesting. I wish one of the "bad guys" was falling with them though, that dynamic is always fun.

She says, seconds before Mad She-Ra turns and notices them there.

And Entrapta is loving it, of course.

This could have some interesting consequences, if it shows Catra that she can only win against She-Ra because Adora can't avoid going easy on her. Catra knows this deep down, she even takes advantage of it but that doesn't mean that it wouldn't hurt her pride to actually lose.

"puny cat"

On one hand I'm loving this. On the other, I'm worried because the biggest reason why Adora feels so overwhelmed is because according to Light Hope, Mara went crazy and did a bunch of bad stuff. What if Adora starts feeling guilty about what's happening here? But, the virus could also provide an alternate explanation for Mara's rampage (if she indeed went crazy instead of just acting against Light Hope's orders because of attachment~)

what... what did you think she was?

Catra, excelling at shoving down traumatic experiences and hiding them with a devil-may-care attitude since... I dunno, how old is she again?

that's not good

Noo, don't destroy the murder-virus.

I'm glad they are actually talking about this possibility because it was the first thing that came to my mind after the episode the virus appeared. It's such a Catra plan.

Of course, the fact that they are talking about it probably means it won't happen, unless they are setting up the season finale early?

Is Scorpia going to get jealous and set Adora free?

I was starting to get a bit eye-rolly at Sea Hawk's weird issues but the shanty brought him back to awesome. Really walking the knife's edge with him.

I love angry hulking out She-Ra but Drunk Adora is the best side effect of that virus.

oh my god

You can see Scorpia's soul leaving her body.

Adora, the dignified and elegant owner of the sword of protection.

She did need a break

I don't know, Scorpia doesn't seem to be in the closet about anything.

Oh no, she's turning into the worst type of drunk: the weepy drunk

The monsters have been in the background of every fight scene, that's the opposite of a twist!

An example of how well this show nails the characters's expressions.

And one more. I complain sometimes about the animation and the wonky eyes but these jokes show how the animators can do a lot with very little.

Sadly, childhood friends always win, the one trope to beat them all.

I didn't sign up for Scorpia feels.

I didn't see this coming at all. Of course the two joke characters would empathize with each other.

WHY WOULD YOU TELL THAT TO ENTRAPTA? You're just giving her more ideas.

Light Hope did mention how everything in Etheria was part of their system. Does that include the fauna?

This is weirdly heartwarming.

getting real

That was way cuter than I expected. Nothing like getting some validation from a drunk lady to reboot their self-esteem.

They are getting slightly better about this but they still like some drastic mood swings between scenes.

Adora should always be drunk.

Can't wait for the fourth season episode where Adora struggles with her addiction to the virus, the one thing that lets her forget about her worries in a world consumed by war.

And now it's back to heavy. Does she save Catra, risking her anger? Or keep the disk? I think she's is going to destroy the disk, it's the right thing to do for Catra even if she can't see it right now, and that's the type of character Scorpia seems to be.

Wow, I didn't expect this. Catra is seeing Scorpia for the first time.

Right there with you, Sea Hawk.

Look at Scorpia's face! Look at her! She's so happy!

I'm not sure if it's because I haven't watched She-Ra in so long but this is the first episode I remember feeling long. Not in a bad way, it's not like I couldn't wait for it to end, but it's the first time that made me think "huh, only X minutes in." Part of it is probably because the first third/half felt like it could have been an early season 1 episode, with a setup, some chatting and a fight. Then the turn happened and it switched to something more complex.

The conversation between Sea Hawk and Scorpia was cute and wholesome, and I'm glad they both found someone who could understand them, but I'm not 100% happy with Scorpia's resolution to she won't leave Catra. It was very... I'm not sure how to explain it without making it sound way more problematic than I actually think it is. It shifts the responsibility about Catra treating her like crap to Scorpia.

It did work out by the end when she actually stood up to Catra and did what she thought was best, so maybe I'm worrying about nothing.

I'm somewhat sad by the death of the virus as a plot device, I liked the idea of the plan Catra had for a Mad She-Ra rampaging through the rebellion but at least we got a brief glimpse of what could happen. Curiously enough we didn't get to see the fallout for Adora so I hope it doesn't get glossed over the next episode. Losing control like that was a big deal last season and it should still be considering all the new baggage Adora is dealing now.

It was a great episode, it went places I didn't expect it to go and the show keeps building up the characters in interesting ways. Only two episodes left! Until next time!

[moonlightstars16]

Chapter 7 ~ Perfection Vs Deception

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Walking through the palace was like walking through a painting. Connie used all of her acting skills to keep a noble expression. Head held high as if she belonged. However a smile couldn't help but appear as her friendly nature peaked through. Gems of all kinds, all the "perfect" gems anyways, passed them by giving strange looks before disappearing. Obviously not wanting to get on Steven's bad side. Though unbeknownst to them, they already were by saying "My Diamond" gesturing the same symbol over and over. Of course they didn't need to know about that...yet.

But what he couldn't overlook was the expressions of shame they bestowed upon Connie. She was a member of his court now and they needed to treat her as such. He held her even closer to where the sides of both of them slightly grazed each other. Upon that display the other gems had stopped. Connie's 'poker face' throughout the entire ordeal was amazing, because on the inside she felt heat continuing to rise with each passing step.

Steven noticed it in her eyes which told all, but did not say a word. His thoughts now were more about coming up with strategies. When it came to the Diamonds, it was a battlefield of the mind. He expected even the unexpected from them, countered every move they had made towards him. And of course was prepared to fight them if necessary. He wasn't going to show weakness before them. Not after what they tried to shape him as.

"You are a Diamond, Pink. You must not allow anyone to undermine you." It was pointless telling them that he wasn't his mother, again. They knew who he was and yet called him by his mother's name to twist his mind. But they didn't need to know that he already figured it out. Feeling White's finger under his chin to lift his gaze up to them. It was her eyes, those black, white and Diamond shaped eyes that finally made him snap.

"If anyone disrespects you, shatter them." A flash of pink light gleamed for a moment as White's hand was pushed back with such force it almost knocked her to the ground. Soon the glow diminished and in it's place was Steven. His own diamond shaped eyes, that White gave to him long ago, glowed in anger along with the rest of him, pinkish red and almost fiery.

"You're right White, I won't allow you to undermine or disrespect me!" He shouted so loud it cracked the walls and some of the gems physical forms. Silence soon fell for what seemed like an eternity. Yellow and Blue too angry to say anything. But White's laughter soon filled the room. A sound wicked and vile.

"Oh Steven, you can't shatter me, or any of us Diamonds. We are apart of you."

A beam of light

Soul paralyzed

His lips mouthed her words that came from his throat.

"Now, what shall your punishment be?"

Soon they reached the entrance to the throne room. Right before the door opened, Yellow and Blue Pearl greeted them. Steven let go of Connie as he stepped ahead in front. Pearl pulled Connie right next to her side, she complied without a struggle. Mentally preparing for stuff like that since even on earth 'high society' was a thing..unfortunately.

"Yellow and Blue Diamond are awaiting your presence." Yellow Pearl stated whilst glancing at Connie for a moment before returning her attention back to Steven. Whom was already making her feel terrified beneath his intense glare.

"Oh, no White Diamond this evening? Pity. And after making such a big deal out of this whole event." His voice cold and distant as ever. After Steven was introduced by Pearl herself (Connie bowing and saluting just the same as she stood slightly off to the side of her briefly), they all entered the room. Connie's eyes widened momentarily at the sheer size of the Diamonds. The word giant hardly could begin to describe them. Immediately her gaze and head were downcast in fear of staring for too long. Once Steven sat upon a much smaller pink throne(which now looked more red and had fractures all over), Connie stood by Pearl's side once more and tried her best to remain calm, even when feeling the intense stares of both Diamonds on her.

"Let us begin!" Yellow announced, getting right down to business, as the room dimmed the lights and a large holographic sphere and interface overtook the other half of the room. Though Connie couldn't speak Gemglif well, she understood what was mostly on the screen. Pearl handed her a tablet to write notes upon and with that she went straight to work and wrote every piece of information down as she could. Not wanting to think about it in depth, in fear of collapsing in tears or fainting. This was still her home planet after all.

The Diamonds were mostly giving Steven suggestions about how to create a geo-weapon within the earths core. Well more like telling him really. He was used to it and easily brushed it aside. Though after awhile Blue did speak up for him. However it was more in a mocking sense and he despised getting any help at all. This wasn't respect for him, this was just pity. And he hated every second of it.

"Yellow, it would be nice to hear what Steven has to say, it is in his control after all."  Yellow sighed and went quiet rolling her eyes. Steven laughed darkly at Blue's remark. Eyes shut as his laughter echoed in the room making those beneath them tremble in fear.

"It surprises me that you want to hear anything I have say. Is it because you're jealous of what White has done, putting me in charge?" He paused while standing up and faced the panel which showed earth's planned demise. "Oh wait now I understand, as soon as White put me in charge of anything, you want to use me as your puppet too. Considering all the times White has used you as a toy it wouldn't surprise me." He gestured to the earth before facing them both with a glow of pinkish red once more.

"How dare you! We allow you to speak up and this is how we get treated?!" Yellow spoke in rage, her fists forming against the armrests of her throne.

"Allow me you say? Well then that make it all better right?!" Steven's smile was wicked as his own fists formed a shield with spikes all over it's circular design.

"Pink this is ENOUGH!" Blue stated as the entire room went blue. Connie shivered watching all gems, including Steven and even Yellow herself, cry streams of tears flowing down. Depending on how much pain you've suffered in your life is the equivalent of how many tears flow. If you hadn't suffered that much, then much tears will befall. If you've suffered many then a few tears will likely to fall. Pearl's tears were moderate though little. Yellow Pearl's were huge and almost covered her face from her eyes downwards. Blue Pearl's tears were little as a small stream fell down one of her eyes.

Looking upon Steven, she gasped as almost few little tears streamed his face (what she could see of it anyways). Bringing her hand to her chest, Connie looked upon him with a sort of pity as her own tears (caused by herself and not by Blue since she wasn't a gem), threatened to fall. Steven rolled his eyes and for a brief moment his eyes met hers.

The anguish within them tugged and pulled his aching heart upon seeing the distress and sorrow she held. 'Why are you crying? Surely you're not affected by this kind of power...unless...you cry because you feel sorry for-?' His thoughts stopped at the preposterous idea. Still if she was upset, this was an indirect cause from the Diamonds and he wouldn't stand for it.

'She cares for us....' A voice hidden deep within Steven's psyche echoed within his mind. A voice only he could hear. A voice that he had from long ago since repressed.

"Alright Blue, you've made your point. Shall we continue before another crack shall appear?" Steven said, his voice cold almost devoid of any feeling, though he wouldn't mind breaking something. The Pearls, except for Steven's who had sighed in an almost disappointing manner, gasped covering there mouths while glancing at the single fracture upon White Diamonds throne. Almost looking as if it could split down the middle at any moment. Blue and Yellow were only silent, yet you can tell they were thinking about it.

"Blue stop this, please!" Yellow annoying pleaded after finally breaking the silence. Trying to dry her eyes from the never ending stream of tears which seemed to flow. Blue with a wave of her hands, diminished her powers and sat back down along with Steven.

"Now, while I'll admit you've made good points about..." Steven began to ramble on as Connie inwardly was shook from the events that had just transpired. One minute he was ready to fight, the next they're talking as if nothing has happened. It puzzled her so. If it were not for Pearl nudging her shoulder, reminding her to continue taking notes, she would've gotten only half of the information.

It was apparent things like this happened often between Steven and the Diamonds. So much so the other members of their court were unaffected by it. It made Connie ache with empathy for them. No one or gem should be used to this kind of behavior from anyone.

Hours passed on as they went into the depths of there project. The intensity in the air still present yet stable. Before they could continue with the next stage, Yellow finally voiced what was the most expected question of the time.

"Now Pink do you really think you can handle running this project? You barley can control your emotions!" Yellow stated clearly agitated from before.

"It would appear I'm handling it much better than you at the moment." Steven stated with a smirk and deep chuckle.

"Why I never- Pink you are out of line!"

"Quite the contrary, I believe Steven is right, Yellow."

A voice spoke out causing the entire room to be silent. Just ahead was an average size pearl, twin buns resembling princess Lea, a short tutu like skirt dress and a small crack across her left eye. But she was entirely white with no traces of color outside a small shade of light gray. Though it wasn't her voice she was using. Instinctively she felt Pearl nudge her yet again to bow and salute. Immediately doing so, she finally understood who it was. White Diamond manipulating this poor Pearl, she couldn't help but feel compassion for, instead of showing up herself.

"This is a day of miracles if you're siding with me White. Glad you can join us." His voice full of disdain and venom.

"I actually only came because, I noticed someone new in our court today. Is this perhaps, the earthling I heard you talking about. As well as a sort of, how you say, deal was made?" It was quite obvious that she did not like what was agreed upon. Or really that a deal was made without her approval. Steven smirked, stood up and walked towards Connie, then wrapped his arm around her middle and pressed her back against him.

"You heard correctly, White. Though honestly what does it matter? Humans are no threat to us, it's not like they'll strike back anytime soon. Besides, you get your geo-weapon, I get a few more humans for my collection, the planet will be destroyed. Any questions? Or would you prefer I suffer as well, since it is your favorite pastime." Though he spoke out of anger, annoyance and irony; what he said made Connie realize he had been through a lot more than she thought previously. 'He promised no more for his-..unless, no! He couldn't be protect- no!... But, what if...' Still it was hard to think about when she felt him so close to her. A blush permeated her cheeks as she used all her energy into her poker face. The outside displaying dignity (or something to that effect in her position) the inside a raging fire of emotion.

"I see, but what of this human? What importance does she carry to really stand by your side along with your Pearl?"

"Isn't it obvious White?" The back of his hand gently caressed her cheek while still holding her close to him. "She's my pet after all." If her heart could physically shatter, it would do so immediately, never in her life had she felt so small, belittled, worthless (His words didn't help either). She shouldn't have expected much, but when actually faced with that in reality still is painful to take in. In fact it almost caused her to faint, if not for Steven holding her up. Feeling his breathe against her skin he whispered, "Just play along."

"What-" She gasped as suddenly his lips met her neck. A slight sharp impression similar to a vampire bite, pressed against her skin. If it wasn't for his hand covering her mouth, the sounds she made would've embarrassingly echoed around the room. She had let out a slight scream followed by moans as she just stayed still and endured him. Thankfully he only kissed her neck and not anywhere else. Her eyes shut throughout the entire ordeal.

'Don't worry, it'll soon be over'

A voice entered her mind that sounded eerily similar to Steven's. Was he communicating through her telepathically? If so what did he mean it mean it'll all be over? A few loud annoying groans filled the air from the Diamonds.

"Pink, we get it, just stop this...it's informal." Blue stated unapprovingly. Yellow just rolled her eyes whilst looking away. The Pearls kept quite watching the display unfold. They had not been oblivious to Steven's Human Zoo project or the natural human process'. Staying out, for the most part, because humans were insignificant to them.

"Very well, whatever keeps you quite, it matters little to me" White stated before disappearing into the floor.

"Quite is quite a contradictory term White." Steven spoke under his breathe chuckling. just beneath the surface of his calm like demeanor, his thoughts whirled in his head. 'No... I thought you were- but how?' Then he briefly glanced at Connie before returning to his much calmer composure. 'Could it be?...'

"Well, let's see what's left to fix up. Now if you want to make things perfect....." White continued as her Pearl reappeared and sat gracefully on her throne. Without hesitation he took her arm and walked back to his throne. Pulling herself into his lap, left arm wrapped around her waist as her head rested against his chest. Since he was slightly taller than herself. Blushing wildly at the situation she was in. Though White distracted the other Diamonds, who had silenced themselves, all this attention was unwarranted. Being this close to Steven as well made her heart race a bit. Though mostly because of the adrenaline from before. Closing her eyes, trying to calm herself from the right here and now situation.

'Just stay still, take your notes and don't say a word.'

She almost jumped from the sudden intrusive like though appearing in her mind. 'What was this? what is happening?'

'All will be explained soon, for right now just relax and take your notes for later.'

'But why-' Her thought was interrupted as Steven once again kissed her neck. Shutting her mouth tight to avoid any more unnecessary looks. Lifting his head he placed a huge kiss on her lips, running his fingers through her hair. Connie froze once again from it all. Tired of being used. But if this was all an act for her sake, with the Diamonds involved, it was 'worth' the risk.

'So it is because of her...' he thought before pulling away and pressing the side of her head against his shoulder. The voice he locked away in his mind suddenly surfaces ever since this woman arrived in his life? It couldn't be a coincidence, but why her? What importance did she carry? Still if she was involved somehow, he couldn't let the Diamonds anywhere near her. They will not get in his way! A vow he swore on his mother's grave. Especially not for something as important to him as this.

"Just be quiet and do your job."He voiced in a low deep whisper. After a few seconds, realizing she really had no choice, opened up her notes and saw a private message from Pearl giving her all she missed. It was also obvious she didn't quite care for what Steven was doing with her. However her poker face was truly convincing at hiding the rage that will soon follow once they were back. Connie continued to focus as Steven went on like she wasn't there(apart from feeling the firm yet caress-full grip against her waist) and continued what she was suppose to be doing prior.

The meeting soon ended, White's Pearl, in in turn herself, vanished with a blink of an eye. With a bow and salute from the Pearls, the trio returned home. Connie carried in Steven's arms the entire way home. His expression stern and determined, hiding a certain concern behind his eyes. A million questions rushed through her head, but she remained quiet because of a single whisper in her mind.

'Shh'

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While the entire meeting took place, Spinel was in the middle of her creations. With the assist of a blue tear dropped gem named aquamarine and a red gem, in place of an eye, named Ruby. No gem would suspect they had the intelligence of any scientific gem. But that's what deception and secrets were for. And for a certain heart shaped gem she needed them most of all. It was quite simple, their expertise for her to "keep quiet" so to speak. However it meant they had to serve her needs on anything. Spinel swirled the vial of green tranquilizer liquid. Blending and mixing into a flask as she smirked. Her liquid gold to getting what she needed.

"Spinel, why does that human girl bother you so?" Ruby asked leaning up against the wall. "She's barely a threat."

"That human is in my way of what I want. What I deserve. While weak, she does pose a threat. Especially if she worms her way into his heart." That kiss between Steven and Connie burned into her memory, taunting her very soul. Their lips touching, sparking a passion anyone could feel within their radius. The look in his eyes afterwords of inward longing.

Anger flared inside her more and more as she put the flask into her pocket(bottom line gems who have magic can do almost anything). Her fist punched the opposite side of the wall from the mere thought. Both gems before her froze as the pieces from hole in the wall fell to the ground. Her arm retracted as she sighed running her hand over her spiked pig-tails.

"Shall we take our leave Spinel?" Aquamarine asked as she set the test tubes down in it's holder. Spinel sighed and walked towards the door.

"Finish your work, then go." With that she left the two gems and walked discreetly out of the lab through the hidden passageway behind a painting (really she could never understand why he would keep such human things, but it was convenient); into the main hallways. The images from their kiss replayed in her mind over and over. She was sick of it. Everything was going according to plan! That thing is about to ruin it all! Vowing in her heart she would see her die before that.

[spirit-of-vengeance]

7th ROTG anniversary. Time to get emotional.

I never written this down, but now I feel the need due to the intense nostalgia and the notice of how quickly time is fleeing. I have a tale to tell, I need to share my story about how this film changed my life. Warning: it's long.

Brief into: I believed in the Santa, Easter Bunny (I really wanted in the Toothfairy too and unfortunately never heard about Jack or Sandy) even when I was 10. (Which was considered pretty old to believe) I even got into an argument with my teacher in the 3rd grade because she said 'stop being childish, they aren't real' because I was excitedly whispering with my classmate about catching the Santa this year. A boy, who ironically looked exactly like Jack Frost began endlessly teasing me and calling me stupid for still thinking he's real. On the way back home with mom I confronted her about this, not giving up until she told me whenever he was right or not. Backed into a corner, she was forced to give up. I cried every day for weeks. The magic was ripped away from me.

Year 2012, December. I'm 11 and a victim of hardcore bullying since my whole life. Students, teachers and sometimes parents. To cheer me up, mom took me to the shopping center to watch a movie. We couldn't really decide & she saw a giant poster of North smiling at people. Her eyes lit up and excitedly said 'Let's watch that! ' I followed the direction of her finger and my face scrunched in malice "I am not watching a movie with the Santa. Its stupid. I'm a big girl, I want to watch a bloody action movie! " but she was unbending. She could bribe me into it with a large bowl of popcorn; I was still grumbling when the lights went out.

The change: first snowflakes, first notes of the piano worked like magic. I immediately shut up and wondered what actually happens here. Why is it so soothing? At the first few shots of the North Pole when North is working on the ice train, I jumped in my seat and I shit you not, I thought the Santa is actually getting murdered. My eyebrow rose higher when I realized that guy with the chainsaw and swords is the Santa. Unfortunately, I can't remember more first reactions; stress, depression, traumas really ruined my long term memory. It seems silly now, but I kept the last piece of popcorn what I was munching on during it, I still have it in a little jewel box; one of my sacred memories. The car ride back to home was quiet, I was staring out of the window my mind stirring with creativity.

Aftermath: 2013-2018; while my classmates were busy getting drunk, being a petty bitch, giving oral in the toilet, (yes. I am talking about elementary school.), getting laid, I was lost in a world of wonder. I learnt 60% of my English knowledge in 3 months with reading fanfiction. I browsed deviantart for hours and laughed my ass off at the hilarious, extremely well done fanarts.

I grew up on mostly Blackice videos I wasn't 100% aware what I'm actually seeing tho, I was exposed to gay ships from a young age and plot twist, nothing serious happened😀. My mental health wasn't shit because I saw the Bogeyman and the Winter spirit kiss.

I began talking to the Moon. I cried my pain to him. Sitting on my windowstill, debating whenever I should jump or not. My extraordinarily strong bond with my mom and this film were my only lifeline. I was making it through, in my own world. My imagination created wonderful sights, scenarios; at nights I was certain I can spot Sandy on his cloud, at Christmas North trying to push himself out of the chimney cussing, at Easter that enormous bunny running around, at winters mostly yelling at Jack 'get out of my country' because I'm a summer person, going to school on a chilly yet sunny autumn day and see Pitch standing on the edge of the misty forest.

I began to change, respond to the pressure from my bullies. My personality began to morph. See the wonder in everything; like North. There's hope and spite, don't dare to give up; like Bunny. Awaken and enjoy creativity; like Sandy. Shit on the rules and have a damn good time no matter what; like Jack. Cherish memories and friends; like Tooth. Be ruthless and stand up from the most brutal blows; like Pitch. And never forget, the Moon will always be there even when he's an antisocial dick and says nothing.

My aim, my dream was to write the sequel. When I was done I wanted to send it to William Joyce. I wrote 200+ pages, but unfortunately in Hungarian. I still don't know why I stopped, why I abandoned that plan.

I was looking for ROTG posters because I wanted to email them to my friend to show what I've been obsessed with. I was just lazily staring at a Pitch poster, realizing his V neck actually never closes - then my eyes crossed the date: November 21. I let out an ungodly shriek of disbelief and mirth. Mom rushed into the living room with terror and met with the sight of me screaming in ecstasy "RISE OF THE GUARDIANS CAME OUT ON MY BIRTHDAY!!!! "

Around 2016 I became really interested in this roleplay stuff and oh god I was terrible. Cindy Flame then was an always angry Mary sue but after years of practice, expanding she is a completely built, extremely complex character, flawed, strong, tragic and ruthless; divine yet oh so human. So I was making friends online, most of them failed, I think one of them committed suicide but that belongs to an another story.

I have been lurking Tumblr for 3 years? More? Because I had no idea how this site worked and I was shy because I thought my writing is not good enough I realize now I felt right. I admired blogs from afar, read their writing and falling deeper and deeper into this fandom.

Nearing present day: I actually came to Tumblr to pursue a friend of mine. I was borderline desperate because I've thought they are one of the last one in the fandom and it scared me. The fun thing is, I actually never interacted with them after making this blog. So I break this two year old spell and hi @kingofnxghtmares it's me, Jasmine😊 You don't have to answer/interact/or anything, I wanted to get everything off my chest and finally tagging you just felt right.

So now I'm on Tumblr. And I love every second it. I've found amazing friends, insanely dynamic muses, crack threads, angst, the chance to expand my muse even more and where I belong. So there I am, wondering where 7 years went. I've grown up (somewhat), and I'm glad I was protected from the 'disaster teenage years ', drinking, heartbreak, drugs, etc instead I grew up in a magical world interviewed with reality so closely; it became an escape place when reality became too heavy.

About ROTG & finale: masterpiece. The animation is insanely lifelike yet fantasy. Every tiny, microscopic detail is perfect, the characters, the storyline, the atmosphere original and capturing. The music is gut wrenching. Everything is absolutely, 200% on point. I don't think there ever will be an animated movie which can be better than Rise of the Guardians animation and/or storywise. No 'love is the answer ' movies can ever come close this iconic masterpiece no matter how they rip it off looking at Frozen 2😒

I watched it today (I have it in Spanish as well and I only can encourage everyone to watch it, the Spanish voice acting is, 100% in my opinion Pitch's bested Jude Law, damn that rich hiss of malice was incredible ) on my 18th birthday while cuddling with mom, laughing and heavy with nostalgia. I think I will remain in this fandom for a very long time, I don't think I would ever be able to let it go due to my deep emotional ties. I would like to thank everyone who were present in making this film, the artists who still keep this fandom alive, all of my friends, roleplay partners; thank you for brightening my childhood, giving me purpose and a place to belong.

To my all of my friends:

@paintbrushtheelf @muerte-rojo @nightmarinqs @mr-mansnoozie @gatekeeperoftheunderworld @50shadesofpitchblack @flossinspector @magicmiyeh

@black-equals-mysoul @nxghtlight @lindzem

I love all of you,

Jasmine

[marginalgloss]

the name of the door

‘Every move I send out begins with the same word: You. When I first wrote most of them, so long ago now that it’s incredible to think of it, I had in my mind only a single player, and of course he looked almost exactly like me: not me as I am now, but as I was before the accident. Young and fresh and frightened, and in need of refuge from the world. I was building myself a home on an imaginary planet. I hadn’t considered, then, how big the world was; how many people lived there, how different their lives were from mine. The infinite number of planets spinning in space. I have since traveled great distances, and my sense of the vast oceans of people down here on the Earth, how they drift, is keener. But you, back then, was a singular noun for me, or, at best, a theoretical plural awaiting proof.’

Wolf in White Van is a difficult novel to summarise. I knew next to nothing about its author, John Darnielle, before I began reading. I was aware that he’s a fairly popular musician, but I don’t think I’ve ever heard one of his songs. Being a famous songwriter can cover all kinds of sins in novelistic terms. But by the time I finished the book I felt as though I had been through one of the most solipsistic and forbidding novels I’d read in some time. I don’t mean ‘forbidding’ in the sense of difficulty: the language is mostly quite plain, and the plot is not complicated. I mean that there is something about this novel which looms large over the imagination. It is haunting in its implications.

The book is written from the perspective of Sean, a middle-aged man who suffers from a severe facial deformity that has him living a reclusive life. It will be some time before we learn the cause of his injury. Sean makes his living by running a play-by-mail game of his own invention called Trace Italian. (The name comes from ‘trace italienne’, a certain kind of renaissance fort intended to resist cannon fire. There is much else that seems fortress-like about Sean.) This game takes place in a post-apocalyptic version of America; players write to Sean describing their moves, much like in any other role-playing game, and he writes back with the results. Somehow the player subscriptions pay well enough to keep him going. 

Trace Italian isn’t improvised: every ‘move’ in the game has been charted in advance, meticulously documented in a series of filing cabinets. It is effectively a labyrinthine concept novel, through which players move over the course of days, months, years. Nobody can ever see it all except Sean, and in this respect it is unlike any other book, any other game. For as long as he lives it is inviolable; a perfect private universe where every threat can be contained, every secret can be secured. There are places in it only Sean knows about:

‘…Charts and notebooks lie open around the corpse in a constellation; if you marked its points and drew a line connecting them, you’d have a shape that would later help open a door deep within the Trace, but nobody will ever notice this, or learn the name of the door, which you have to say when you open it or you end up in a blind corridor that traps you for at least four turns, which would probably outrage any players who made it that far. But who knows. What it would be like to make it that far is sheer conjecture…’

The most appealing part of the novel is its detailed portrait of fandom in the pre-internet era. We see how the young Sean was captivated by the genre science fiction and fantasy of the times. Mainstream references like Star Trek and Star Wars take a back seat here — it is all about Friz Leiber, the Gor novels, and weird VHS-era movies like Krull. It’s about finding inspiration in the album art for obscure prog-metal bands, and writing to adverts in magazines to order a cassette tape of music inspired by the Conan books by Robert E. Howard. 

Some of this is the same tone that Stranger Things leant on — kids playing Dungeons and Dragons in the era of the Satanic Panic — but there is something altogether more obscure and threatening going on here. Stranger Things is exciting because of the sense of togetherness engendered by D&D, whereas Sean’s hobbies only serve to lead him further into himself. He never falls in with a gang of like-minded kids, so he becomes a Dungeon Master unto himself. Eventually, under his influence, a young couple go on an adventure through the Trace Italian. They think they are on the trail of something important, much like those kids in the Netflix series. But it doesn’t end well for them. 

There aren’t many characters in this novel outside of Sean. The inside of his head is a bleak, violent place, surreal and unpredictable and paranoid compared to the controlled world of the Trace:

‘There was a small, strange moment during which I had this feeling that someone was filming me, which was ridiculous, but it was that specific—“there’s a camera on me”—and then some hard ancient pushed-down thing, a thing I’d felt or thought or feared a long time ago, something I’d since managed to sheathe in an imaginary scabbard inside myself, erupted through its casing like a bursting cyst. I had to really struggle to recover. Something was dislodging itself, as from a cavern inside my body or brain, and this situation seemed so divorced from waking reality that my own dimensions lost their power to persuade. I craned my great head and saw all that yellow-brown plastic catch the light, little pills glinting like ammunition, and then my brain went to work, juggling and generating several internal voices at once: someone’s filming this; this isn’t real; whoever Sean is, it’s not who I think he is; all the details I think I know about things are lies; somebody is trying to see what I’ll do when I run across these bottles; this is a test but there won’t be any grade later; the tape is rolling but I’m never going to see the tape. It is a terrible thing to feel trapped within a movie whose plot twists are senseless.’ 

Like the players of his game, the reader only exists in the world Sean has created for us. The effect is compelling, and claustrophobic. Sean’s narrative is intense and evocative. He is specific and articulate in his writing, but almost silent in his social life. His thoughts are frantic, anxious, self-perpetuating machinations; we are given very little idea of how he is perceived by society at large. There are moments of contempt and of friendship, but they’re only brief islands of contact in a sea of loneliness.   

It is some time before it becomes evident what Wolf in White Van is really about. The story pivots around two big questions: what happened to Sean’s face? And what happened to that couple on their adventure? But even when the reader is told the facts of those matters, they may not understand the implications. Certainly Sean has no answers for us. There is something forlorn about his world. He writes beautifully, and the reader will likely think him a good person because they can see into his heart and his mind; but there’s a sense that he is somehow beyond help — not because of his disfigurement, but because of his isolation. He is a prisoner inside a game of his own making. And as the pages go on it seems increasingly clear that he will never get out. 

We are accustomed, in novels and films like this, to another party breaking through to the narrator. Something will happen to shake them through their desperation so that their evident state of insecurity doesn’t become all-consuming. They might fall in love. Perhaps there will be a reconciliation, or an epiphany. But that never happens here. The only connections made in Sean’s world are brief and incidental, but the pain from discord resonates below all that. By the end it feels as though the world around the narrator has grown smaller and smaller, draped in a perpetual shroud, while his inner life has expanded out of all knowable proportions; the effect is mesmeric, and terrifying.  

‘…I remember my anger at hearing my real dreams spoken out loud by someone else’s uncomprehending voice. “Number five, sonic hearing,” she said. “Number four, marauder. Number three, power of flight. Number two, money lender. Number one, true vision.” Some of the other kids shot laughing looks at one another. It was horrible. People talk sometimes about standing up for what they believe in, but when I hear people talk like that, it seems like they might as well be talking about time travel, or shape-changing at will. I felt righteousness clotting in my throat, hot acid: the other kids were suppressing laughter and exchanging glances; the whole thing was so funny to them they had to punch their thighs to keep from cackling out loud. None of them had actually made a true list like mine, I thought, though this was conjecture…I remember this scene because it was embarrassing to live through it, and because remembering it is a way of knowing that I am half-true to my beliefs when the time comes. I sit silently defending them and I don’t sell them out, but I put on a face that lets people think I’m on the winning team, that I’m laughing along with them instead of just standing among them. I save the best parts for myself and savor them in silence. Number three, power of flight. Number four, marauder. Enough vision to really see something. A stack of gold coins and a ledger. People want all kinds of things out of life, I knew early on. People with certain sorts of ambitions are safe in the Trace.’

[annakie]

It took three and a half months, but I’ve finished my Doctor Who Rewatch.

It’s time to talk about seasons 10, 11, overall wrapup thoughts and some best/worst lists.  Very long post below.

I started doing this back at the end of August as more of a joke when I was going back and cleaning the terrible cringe stuff off the first few months of my blog, then ended up taking that project from when I started the blog in May, 2011 until late 2016.  I realized that I had too much going on IRL right now to revisit my life at the end of 2016 when things took a sharp turn the wrong way, so I haven’t picked that back up again.  I still might at some point.

After the start of the nostalgia tour I:

Cried about Doomsday

Still hated the Manhattan episodes but renewed my love for one of my favorite characters of all time.

Reflected about Martha Jones and being an overly-zealous defender of a fictional character

Cried a lot over meeting and losing River Song in the span of an hour and a half.

Made my way through Season 4 and found myself still mostly loving the show.

Finished Season 4 and was starting to tire of Ten but knew I had more content to get through.

Didn’t post again til I was done with Amy and Rory.  Loved Amy, Rory and River even more, especially Rory.

Watched an episode I remembered I didn’t like just because of the guest actors.  Only marginally helped the episode.

Disliked the second half of season 7 even more than I used to.  Felt meh about Clara.

Warmed to Clara more in seasons 8 and 9.  Still, was ready to see her go.  Loved Twelve, though the first half of season 8 continued to be rough.  Adored the Husbands of River Song for the 6th+ time.

 Took a brief moment to love Bill.

Full disclosure on the rewatch: I skipped most of Fear Her except the first and last few minutes, and actually haven’t gotten back to Waters of Mars or the one 11 Christmas Special with the kids who’s father dies.  I may or may not pick those up in the next week or two.

So tonight I finished rewatching all of Thirteen’s episodes and wanted to talk a bit more about Bill, and then a lot about Thirteen, and some general thoughts about the whole rewatch.

Bill Potts is too good for this world.  I remembered loving her during her season but was blown away on the rewatch with how much I loved her, and almost all of her season.  Her energy, her story, her smile, it’s infectious.  It’s infuriating that so many people didn’t watch Bill because wow she deserved a lot more attention that I feel like she got, and also I feel like the show itself turned a real corner that season.  Season 9, yes, definitely better than 8 and 7.5.  But It’s like Moffat or the writers in general kinda grocked into several important things and made the show more progressive and less cringe?  

There wasn’t an episode I thought was bad, even the more filler episodes like the one in space with the air being a commodity was tense and fun.  I’m not sure I’d skip a single episode.

And then Bill, I think, ends up getting an even shittier deal than Martha in her season.  Left alone for ten years in a shithole mopping up floors, only to be turned into a cyberman and get left extremely traumatized, and sacrifice herself.  A very good story.  A very sad and frustrating ending.  Except that she does get to “transform” and travel the universe with Heather.

Maybe she did eventually go back home and finish living her life from not long after she left in the TARDIS the last time -- it’s entirely possible.  The Memory-Bill in Twice Upon a Time (the Twelve & One crossover) remembered traveling with Heather, which means her memory was taken from some point AFTER.  So maybe she got to be an ethereal being for a long time, and then eventually went home to Earth.  Or maybe she’s still out there traveling the stars with Heather.  Either way, she deserves a good life, and a good ending, even if we never know the true ending.

Twelve -- I love him.  Again, he had a really rough start but Capaldi is an amazing actor and he owned the role. I don’t think it’s actually possible to rank my favorite doctors from the new Who era, they’re all different, all great.  And Missy -- such an amazing villain.  Paired with Simms-Master was so, extremely fun, but even on her own, I think she’s now my favorite incarnation of The Master.  (I’ve only seen a few episodes of Old-Who with Delgado, and I really love Delgado’s Master as well.)  

Nardole was also a fun addition to the season.  I know technically he was considered a full companion and enjoyed him when he was there, but tbh, to me it was all about Bill.

But hey, when Twelve left, it was a good time for him to go -- I really think three seasons is the sweet spot for length of a Doctor.  I was so ready for Thirteen and The Fam.

I remembered loving Thirteen when her episodes were airing and, I was right to.  Jodie Whittaker is so good -- I never doubt for a second that she’s The Doctor.  The show one again feels very different with a new doctor / companions / showrunner.  I honestly loved the lack of Doctor-Angst in the season.  Thirteen is so much more brightness and sunshine and I think it was a good way to swing the Doctor after Twelve.  I also liked that there were a few comments about changing genders, a little bit of frustration from noticing how people treated her differently, but it was neither an earthshattering thing that made EVERYTHING DIFFERENT nor was it a non-event.  I really think they handled it well.

I will say that I think some of the critics were right, that the season itself could have used a bit more of an arc.  Not a heavy arc, like seasons five and six had, but a bit more than Tim Shaw showing up in the first and last episodes of the season.  It looks like next season is going to have that.

The arc that was there though really came from Graham and Ryan’s grief about Grace and their relationship growing.  Honestly, I remember when we learned that one of the new companions was going to be a 60-ish year old dude I wasn’t looking forward to that at all, but honestly, I love Graham.  He’s an actual good guy, he loves deeply, he’s allowed to show his emotions, he handles things WELL.  He’s not perfect but also I felt like they wrote his character so well, he wasn’t an arrogant guy expecting everyone to follow his orders, he cares deeply for Ryan and even had some great scenes with Yaz.  

Ryan and Yaz are both also just so fantastic.  I loved getting to spend time with Yaz’s family both current and past.  I actually learned a little history in the episode that took place in Pakistan (and loved having a benevolent alien storyline there, love that episode so much).  I also loved that they allowed Ryan to show grief and sadness, and vulnerability too.  

I was definitely feeling the 13/Yaz vibes on the rewatch, and although I wouldn’t say I’d be upset if they did end up doing a Ryan/Yaz storyline, I also wouldn’t be upset if they didn’t do any romance storylines at all.  I didn’t miss it this season, and 13/Yaz seemed more likely than anything.

I also loved that they took on racism in a couple of big ways this series.  I felt like the only big swing-and-miss episode was Ker-Blam! where they were so close to really hammering down a good message in the episode and then it felt like Jeff Bezos himself came in and rewrote the last 10 minutes.

TBH there were a couple of episodes that I had COMPLETELY forgotten about, especially the one with Chris North and the big spiders.  Like while I was watching it I had a vague memory of seeing it before, but not up until then.  I’d also forgotten about the New Year’s episode last year with Ryan’s dad.  I only remembered to watch it because after the final episode I was like “Wait, wasn’t Ryan’s dad supposed to be in this season?” and so I went to hunt for the episode.

SO... that’s it.  I was actually a little shocked last night when I finished up the New Year’s episode and realized... I was DONE.  I made it back through eleven seasons and... it was worth it.  

Some final thoughts... and I’m just picking a few things out here off the top of my head, I wasn’t keeping a list all the way through so I’m sure I’m going to think of other things after hitting Post, but here we go.

---------

COMPANION RANKINGS: God Tier: Martha Jones

Faves: Bill Potts, Rory Williams, River Song

I love you so much: Donna Noble, Amy Pond, The Fam (All together!), Jack Harkness, Mickey Smith, Wilfred Mott

Very very Good: Rose Tyler, Nardole

I Still Like You: Clara Oswald

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FAVE SEASON: I mean, it’s still gonna be Martha’s season with an honorable mention of the second half of 4.

If you take Martha Jones out of the equation, it’d probably be either 6 through 7.0, or Bill’s season.

LEAST FAVORITE:  The second half of 7, for sure, and the first half of 8 is kinda rough.  It’d be easy to say season 1, as well, but I don’t think that’s entirely fair, as I think the age of the show really shows there and there was a lot of getting-on-their feet they had to do.  There’s still a lot of good there, you just have to look for it harder.

---------

Favorite Specials: 

The Husbands of River Song, #1 favorite no question

The Day of the Doctor a close second. 

Honorable mention to the Night of The Doctor for the canonical return of Eight.  Seriously, the first time I saw that it may have been the single most joyous moment of New Who for me.

Least Favorite:

I mean, I haven’t rewatched two of them yet since I remember not liking them.  

Also Voyage of the Damned was just even worse than I remembered it.

I Cried The Hardest:

Amy and Rory’s leaving in The Angels Take Manhattan

River’s death in the Library

The end of Doomsday

Danny’s death

The end of Vincent and the Doctor

Prem’s death in Demons of the Punjab, maybe the only single-episode character death that hit me that hard.

Happiest Tears: 

Martha leaves the Doctor

The group in the TARDIS towing Earth home in Journey’s End

Twelve and River get 24 years together

Ryan calls Graham “Grandad”

Jackie and Alt-Pete meet/”reunite”

Heather shows up and... “saves” Bill, they go off on adventures.

Best Twists: 

John Simms Return at the end of season ten.  

YANA is the Master

Oswin is actually a Dalek

Heaven is run by Missy, and the Cybermen. (Damn I really love twists concerning the Master don’t I?)

Bill discovers she IS a Cyberman

Loudest cheers: 

Mickey showing up in Doomsday

Martha laughs at the Master

Rory’s speech at the beginning of A Good Man Goes to War

The Doctor punches a racist who insulted Bill

Best dramatic moments: 

Jack and the Doctor talk about Rose in Utopia

Twelve takes several billion years to punch through a wall

Just This Once, Everybody Lives!

Turn Left

The Doctor says goodbye Idris in The Doctor’s Wife

Missy and the Master’s mutually assured destruction.

Biggest Laughs for a good reason: 

The entire poison scene in the Unicorn and the Wasp

Basically everything about the Doctor attempting to be normal in The Lodger.

Right, putting Hitler in the Cupboard.

Doctor, when I’m on a date, do not put the Pope in my bedroom.

Biggest Cringe: 

Penis-head half-human Dalek

Concrete blowjobs

Anytime a lady slapped/hit a guy not in self-defense

Old goblin Ten / Jesus Ten in Last of the Time Lords

Most of The End of Time part 1

Eleven forces a kiss on Jenny in The Crimson Horror (THAT deserved the slap.)

There’s a lot of things I could point out in season 1 but I’m grading season 1 on a curve.

Favorite non-companion recurring characters: 

Danny Pink

Brian Williams

Jackie Tyler

Worst Villians: 

“Love And Monsters”

“Fear Her” 

The eye-crud sleep monster with Twelve

I kinda wanna say the Daleks are so overdone it’s hard to get excited about them anymore, though I did kinda like what they did in “Resolution” (13′s New Years episode last year.)

OK I honestly don’t know if I want to put “A sentient universe who is in the form of a large frog and just wants a BFF” in best or worst but I feel it belongs SOMEWHERE.

Best Villians:

Missy

Whatever the fuck that thing is in Midnight

House

Got a Raw Deal award:

Adam (Seriously, he was told nothing and did nothing wrong via what he’d been told?!

Donna

Bill (Seriously, TEN YEARS SCRUBBING FLOORS? only to not be saved by 2 hours and then turned into a cyberman and killed again?)

Most Bothersome Lack of Continuity:

The rules for meeting yourself / interfering in the past.

Uh so who was the Not-Danny astronaut in “Listen” anyway?

Most Improved on a Rewatch:

The Fires of Pompeii because... ten and twelve?  It used to be one of my least favorite eps of season 4.

the Daleks in Manahattan episodes I guess just because I liked them more this time though they’re still not great. 

Seeing all of River’s timeline in such a short period of time

Gotta say I enjoyed Planet of the Dead a normal amount when before I used to really dislike it.

Best Premiere of a Doctor:  The Eleventh Hour Roughest Premiere of a Doctor: Deep Breath, since I’m grading season 1 on a curve. Best Exit of a Doctor: Honestly?  I’m gonna give this one to Nine.  He sacrificed himself to save Rose, and he died too soon.  It seemed a fitting end, if too quick.

Roughest Exit of a Doctor: I’m going to go with Eleven here.  It came at the end of what I felt was the worst period of New Who.  The episode itself was... I kind of felt like it was overwraught and didn’t pack quite the same punch as the other three.  Say what you will about the “I Don’t Wanna Go” line with Ten and Twelve needing to be convinced to regenerate at all.  Matt Smith did the best with what he was given, but he wasn’t given much in the entire last run of his episodes after having some of the BEST episodes the previous two and a half seasons.

Best Premiere of a Major Companion: Honestly?  Still gotta go with The Eleventh Hour, for both Amy and Rory and the great way they were both set up and the mysteries of the season.

Worst Premiere of a Major Companion: If you don’t count Asylum of the Daleks (which I thought was great) as Clara’s premiere, then it was definitely Clara’s “The Bells of Saint John”.  No contest.  I don’t think ANY of the rest of them were done poorly, TBH.  I guess I’d have to go with “Rose”, because the Autons themselves are pretty meh and the plastic wasn’t great.

Best (Main) Exit of a Major Companion: This one is more difficult. Doomsday deserves a nod.  Martha Jones walked the world and ended on her own terms.  Journey’s End saw the end of an entire era of companions we loved.  River showed up and died on the same day, but her final appearance is one of my favorite episodes ever.  The Angles Take Manhattan was SO GOOD.  But The Doctor Falls was exciting and tense and tragic.  Hell, even Clara’s final episodes were great.

Honestly, this shouldn’t even be a question.  I can’t choose.  I can’t think of a single one I didn’t love.

Anyway, thanks for reading this, if you got this far!  Know what?  Doctor Who is still a great show, even if it’s not an obsession anymore.  I can see myself doing this rewatch again in a few years, and I’m super looking forward to the next season starting in a couple of weeks!