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aro-is-gay-af · 3 years

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The Midnight of Despair | Volturi Kings x fem!reader

As you all can see, I got carried away just a little with this one. It was supposed to be a one-shot, but I'm planning at least part two, since this part got soooo long.

Anyway!

I hope you'll enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing. Sorry for any grammatical errors, as well as any confusion with syntax. English isn't my native but I always try my best! Constructive criticism is always welcomed.

Please, pay attention to the warnings. If you are uncomfortable with any of the topics, simply do not read.

I pictured here Aro from the films (as Michael Sheen is perfect for this part), Caius from the films (maybe a little bit older) and Marcus from the films but his younger self (maybe 20?). Also, I wrote at one point that [Y/N] has blonde hair and blue eyes but it just helped me with the descriptions. Obviously, you can picture characters according to your wishes.

Warnings: Rape (graphic description!), Depression, PTSD, Swear words, Forced Pregnancy

Word count: 7816 (!)

Summary: [Y/N] and Bella are childhood friends. They were always there for each other. [Y/N] had tough times and struggles with everyday life. Bella faces depression after Edward had left her. [Y/N] tries to get her going and alive. One day [Y/N] is raped and gets pregnant with the rapist. Not long after that it turns out that Edward got himself into the mess with Volturi. [Y/N], even traumatized and in pieces, will not let Bella go without her supervision to Italy. What is going to happen when [Y/N] will stay at Volterra? Is she really predestined to be Kings' mate? Is she going to have her baby or abort the pregnancy? Will the trauma go away or is she going to struggle for a long time?

You thought that the death of your parents was enough to break you. As they say, if you’re not willing to bend, you’ll break. And you did. After all.

Ever since you’ve been born, everything went downhill. You were a weak child and within your first five years of life, you’ve gone through countless surgeries. Something was terribly wrong with your spine and the doctors were worried that you wouldn't be able to move normally.

You got your ‘happily ever after’. After fourteen surgeries and taking more than a dozen medications, you could be considered healthy. It made you remember the better part of your childhood. At this point, you couldn’t even recall constant visits at hospital or ingesting enormous amount of drugs.

What you could recall, was the agony that your mom went through while dying of pancreatic cancer. You tried to help her but there was literally no help available. Sure, chemo did help, but only a little tiniest bit. When someone got this type of cancer, there was only one way to die. It was neither pretty, nor pleasant.

So your mother died when you were sixteen. Your father followed shortly after her. He suffered from severe depression after your mother’s passing, but it was the car accident that got him killed. You were just before your graduation.

You’ve finished school and tried to go on. It wasn’t exactly an easy path to follow. You had the feeling that fate had made you its whore and the devil knows his jokes. Somehow, you got through college. You used the money from your dad's insurance policy entirely for your education. It was the only thing you could do to secure your future.

At 22, you got a job at the same hospital where doctor Cullen worked. You were a nurse on the paediatrics ward, but the hospital in Forks was so small that you often found yourself working with doctor Cullen. He was always kind to you and exuded a fatherly warmth. However, like everyone from Cullen family, he was slightly withdrawn from all conversations and social activities.

You noticed a slight change in his behaviour when your best friend, Bella, started dating with the doctor's youngest son, Edward. Carlisle has been talking to you more and more. The conversations weren't long – more like short exchanges of words, whether about his family’s well-being or any leisure activities both of you devoted yourselves after work. Nevertheless, you started calling each other by the others’ given name.

You met with Bella on average once a week. Sure, you were four years older than her, but the age difference never was a problem. You always got along well, and age had nothing to do with it. With time, you've watched Bella thrive during her relationship with Edward and you've enjoyed her happiness. Your relationship had loosened a little, but you didn't hold it against her. With Forks being so small, you could easily meet Bella on the street or in a shop and talk to her about silly things or this boyfriend of hers. It made her blush furiously every time you brought up the topic, especially if Edward waited nearby.

And then, just like that, something snapped. Of course, you heard about their huge quarrel about god knows what, and that Bella wanted to make herself scarce immediately. Charlie called you that night if , by any chance, you could talk some sense into her. Bella not once picked up her phone and then she got her stupid ass into the hospital. And magically reconciled with Edward. That’s when you started to be suspicious. Something wasn’t right about this situation, at all, but you let it be.

Time passed and even though you liked Carlisle as a colleague, you became gradually suspicious about him and his family. Things that you noticed were little, almost insignificant, but something told you that there’s more than meets the eye. Bella herself began to limit contact with you, mainly due to her lack of time for Edward. But when you did get a chance to meet and talk, the subject of Edward still came to the surface.

You tried to understand your friend, while not understanding her at all. You also were in love once but your mother's illness and then your father's death took too much of a toll on you, to experience your first love in such an intense way. It was incomprehensible to you, how Bella could lose her head so much for this boy. And yet you tried, tried to be there when Bella needed you the most. Simply because you were a good friend and also because you needed a friend.

You were left alone, out in this world, with no one to care about and no one to love. Only Bella, as present and, most importantly, alive person, connected you with your childhood and good memories from that time. She was the only one left. You considered her your family and you didn’t want to lose her too. Not after all you’ve been through.

At the day of her birthday, you saw her quickly after her school. You gave her a small gift and you both agreed to meet a day later because Edward's family had invited her to stay at their place. After that birthday, everything changed. The next day Bella went missing. You went to her house exactly as agreed and Charlie said she had been gone for a few hours.

When Bella was found later that evening by Sam, Charlie's colleague, everything became frighteningly clear. The Cullens had moved out of town. Apparently, Carlisle had gotten a lucrative job somewhere else. That didn't surprise you, he was a really great doctor. But how could he not mention a word of it to you? Not that you were so close to him but you considered him a good comrade of yours and moving out of town like this, without a word… It seemed extremely strange to you.

The months that followed were very similar. Bella fell into a deep depression and apathy. You came to visit her, but during these visits it was mainly you who talked. You talked about work, about your next qualification course and about the anniversary of your mum's death. Bella mostly remained silent. Charlie confirmed that, yes, she did go to school, but apart from that, she sat in her room all day and stared at the window.

You knew from Charlie that she was slowly trying to reconnect with her friends. And that she was spending a lot of time with that boy from the reservation. You were happy because it meant that your friend was slowly coming back to life. Maybe not back to normal, not yet, but at least she was trying. And you were trying too. To be a good friend, a good sister to her.

You started talking more during your visits at her house. Unlike before, the subject of Edward didn't exist. It was as if he had never existed. So you did not mention him at all. Bella was healing, slowly, just as you were, when both of your parents died. She was there for you, even if you could only talk to her on the phone because, at that time, she permanently lived with Renee.

For the first time in several months, you hoped that things would somehow work out. In your life, the moments when you were truly happy never lasted long. It was the same this time. One day, you went to Port Angeles to buy new clothes for work. Yours were still from your university days, worn out, but not so long ago you were short of money and preferred to spend it on other things rather than buying new clothes.

By the time you got back to your car it was pretty late. The car park was deserted. On your way to the car, a man accosted you and, before you knew it, he had hit you on the head with something heavy. When you woke up, you were in a squalid alley. The man was pressing you against a wall with all his strength. You only realised what he was going to do, when you felt a cool breeze brush against your bare legs. Your trousers and underwear were almost at your ankles. You started to squirm, trying to free yourself from his iron grip. You heard his quiet giggle next to your ear.

"Don't resist angel, I’ll be quick," he whispered in your ear, pawing at your breasts with his left hand. You felt sick to your stomach. He had hideous breath, as if he had been drinking for three days, then puked and drank again. You started to jerk harder, to pull away, but it only caused you pain. He held tight, pushing against you with his whole body and whispering disgusting things under his breath. When he finally entered you, he tugged hard on your hair. He made no effort to cover your mouth because you didn't even try to scream. You were out of breath, unable to say a word. You were afraid that he would kill you. You wanted him to go away so that the pain would end and you could finally go home.

When he finished, he let you go and just walked away. You stood there, half naked, frozen and shaken, for god knows how long. You were unable to move. When you felt his semen running down your leg, you finally managed to vomit. Your cheek was bruised and scratched from how hard he pressed you against the rough wall. You wanted to go home, but you didn't have the strength to get up from the street.

You weren't sure how much time had passed, but you finally got up. You got dressed and walked to your car. Everything hurt. You didn't want to, but you knew, you had to go to the hospital. You could not leave it like that. He had already hurt you, but what about the others? You couldn't let that happen. All the way to the hospital in Port Angeles your hands were trembling. Returning to that memory, you didn't even remember how you got to the ER.

At the hospital, they took care of you properly. They called the police. Two female doctors were there for a medical examination. The nurses were very nice. You tried to put on a good face. You've thought about how your sexual experiences has been so far. Your first sex, like most people's, was terrible. Your boyfriend was two years older, you were 17 and it all went wrong. You were in pain. He didn't seem too happy either. Up until you graduated from high school, you tried to make it work somehow, but there were never any fireworks. It wasn't until college that you discovered the good side of sex.

However, you never had sex with someone you loved more than life. You haven't met anyone like that. And you were sure that sex with that person would be unique and exceptional. Until now, of course. Lying on a hospital bed, you felt exploited. Abused. Filthy. Humiliated. How can one do something like that to another person? The nurse asked if someone could come and pick you up, and you didn't have much of a choice. You called Bella. While she was on her way to the hospital, you let the police officers question you. You mechanically slurred the words as if it wasn't about you at all. As if it wasn’t you that had been raped.

As soon as you saw Bella, you were no longer able to pretend that nothing had happened. You were sobbing and she hugged you tight, telling you that he would pay for it. You weren't so sure about that. You wanted to be home as soon as possible, so you went back to Forks. Bella said nothing while driving because there was nothing that could be said. In the shower, you scrubbed yourself so hard with the pumice that you thought you had taken off all your skin. To your absolute disgust, you could still feel his touch on you. You could hear him whisper against your ear and you could smell his hideous breath.

A week has passed. Bella texted you every day, and you were able to hang out almost every other day. She was a good sister, a great friend. She didn't want to leave you alone in this. Despite being offered leave, you went to work. You didn't want to keep thinking about what happened. Each time, after taking a bath, you were unable to look in the mirror. On the first day, right after scrubbing, you decided to take a look. You had bruises on your stomach, thighs, buttocks and breasts. Your forearms were scraped, your cheek was scratched and bruised. The worst of it was that you had been bleeding for days. The gynaecologist said, it was due to too much force, and the fact that you actively resisted for a while.

You were trying to get back to normal. You went to work, you were seeing Bella and taking your course. But no one could touch you. You didn't even shake hands to say hello. You didn't care at all, you couldn’t endure a touch anymore. Not in any way. You didn't get your period, but the doctor said it could happen. It was a shock to the body and a lot of pain to bear. Also, you bled for almost a week after the rape.

You started to be afraid to go out alone. When in a shop or at work, if anyone approached you from behind, you started panicking and hyperventilating. You couldn’t walk ordinarily on the street. You looked behind every two or three minutes to assure yourself that nobody was following you. Your hands trembled while driving the car or making the tea. Your eyes were starting to water as soon as someone even tried to touch you. You had nightmares and you started losing your mind because of this.

When your period did not come in the following month, you began to worry. Surely you couldn't get pregnant with this... monster. Not you. Of course you have checked. You would not be able to live in such ignorance. It turned out that yes, you indeed were pregnant. When the doctor confirmed it, you fainted. Not you, not like that. You didn't even think you'd ever be a mum. Let alone like this. You hated your body even more and the fact that it had betrayed you in such a villainous way.

You knew this path led to madness. You were in an even worse mental condition, than after losing your mum; than after dad died in the accident. You have shed countless tears. You didn't want to abort this pregnancy, and at the same time you wanted it with all your heart. If only you were able to defend yourself. Break away from him and run as far away as possible. It would never have happened. But you were weak and didn't even have the energy to scream. Would it have made any difference though?

You were constantly beating yourself up with thoughts about whether you should keep the baby, when something completely bizarre happened. Jacob called you that he had to rescue Bella after jumping off a cliff. Annoyed, you got in your car and drove up to the Swans' house. Bella's car wasn't there, so you waited patiently in yours. When they arrived, you were boiling with rage.

“Have you lost your fucking mind?!” you shouted, as you got out of the car.

Bella rolled her eyes. She looked miserable. Her eyes were bloodshot and she was soaked through. She smiled weakly towards you.

“It was just for fun, you know” she muttered, as you hugged her tightly. It was your first closer contact since…

“It was just for sport,” she tried again.

You snorted in annoyance.

“Yeah, sure, get inside before you get sick.”

As you both stepped onto the porch, Jacob unexpectedly grabbed Bella's wrist. They shared a look.

“Are you sure about this?”

“Yes. You can go now, Jake,” she muttered, trying to disentangle herself from his grasp.

You smiled weakly at him, while Bella was looking for her keys.

“Cool, I'll take care of her until Charlie gets back. Thanks for saving her stupid ass,” you said. Jacob smiled amused, but still seemed slightly tense.

“No problem. Always at your service,” he joked. “Well... See ya around,” he said goodbye and walked away to his car.

You walked into the house with Bella.

“What were you thinking? You could have died” you muttered under your breath, stripping off your jacket.

“Well...actually I wasn't thinking, like, at all” Bella admitted, smiling apologetically at you.

“Next time think about Charlie,” you said, hugging her once more. Your body screamed that you shouldn't do that, but you were glad that Bella was okay.

While Bella changed into dry clothes, you made hot tea for both of you. Someone knocked on the door. The knocking was not from the front, but from the courtyard. You walked slowly to the door and opened it. Edward's sister, Alice, stood in front of you. You wouldn't have known what she looked like, if Bella hadn't shown you pictures of her. But other than that, you knew quite a bit about her, because when Bella was still with Edward, she couldn’t kept her mouth shut about Alice.

“Hi. Can I come in?” she asked politely. She tried to look normal, but there was something in her behaviour that made you nervous. You were about to reply, when Bella appeared in the kitchen.

“Alice!” she squealed, throwing herself around the brunette's neck. After a moment, she pulled away and looked at Alice in disbelief. "Are you really here? Or am I just dreaming this?" asked Bella.

It was your turn to roll the eyes.

“Of course she’s here” you said, now slightly annoyed. “Don’t be bothered by me, please, proceed to whatever you wanted to say.”

Your sarcastic tone was not intended, but justified. You were slowly beginning to get fed up with this family's games. First they move out and turn Bella's life upside down, and now the big comeback? Something's not right here. Besides, at that moment, you weren't the right person to play with. You had enough problems of your own and your life was messed up enough. What you didn't know at that moment, was that everything was about to change fundamentally very soon.

Alice took no notice of you.

"Bella, listen. Edward thinks you committed suicide. He told me that he doesn't want to live either, so he is on his way to the Volturi to ask them for an execution."

You had no idea what she was talking about. Bella was terrified, and you didn't know what was going on here.

"What, who the fuck are Volturi? Did Edward get involved with some cult? Also, how did he know Bella killed herself?" you asked, not understanding anything of what Alice was talking about earlier.

"We have to go to Italy, Bella,” she ignored you once more. “If they refuse him, I'm not sure what he'll do" as Alice spoke, Bella began to gather herself quickly to leave.

You grabbed her hand.

"And where do you think you are going?" you asked in disbelief. Bella looked at you apologetically.

"Y/N, I have to go. They're going to murder him. Just the fact that I'm alive will convince him."

You snorted in disbelief.

"You're dead serious? And can't you call him and tell him it's a misunderstanding? Besides, Bella, this guy ghosted you. He left you here, alone, with not one explanation and you want to fly to the other side of the world to save this dumb ass?" you asked, trying to take your mind off this ludicrous circumstance.

“Oh my god, we’ll take her with us if she’s not going to back down” said Alice in exasperation.

“And to your kind information, I won't back down. Your douchebag brother and the rest of your family turned her adrift. I was the one who pulled her out of her depression, and I will not let the exact same thing happen again because of any of you,”you hissed out in anger. You saw something in Alice's eyes that you considered to be admiration.

You looked at Bella expectantly.

“Y/N, I still love him. I cannot let this go” Bella whispered and you felt as your chest tightened. “Please…”

You heaved a heavy sigh.

“Okey, but I’m coming with you,” you decided and noticed that Alice's eyes were momentarily clouded with mist. You had no idea what was going on here, but you were sure that this whole affair with the Volturi, whoever the hell they were, didn't sound good.

After a few seconds, Alice looked at Bella, then at you and back at Bella.

“Get your coats, we have to go now,” she said.

“But Alice...” protested Bella.

“There's no time for that. We'll explain everything to her on the way. If we start now, we won't get out of here until noon” she muttered exasperatedly, walking out of the house. You looked at Bella.

“Bells, what's this all about?” you asked, and she just sighed quietly. You both quickly got your shoes on.

“We'll tell you on the plane but I'm afraid the Volturi won't like that a lot,” she said with worried expression on her face.

When you were at the airport waiting for a plane, you had countless questions in your head. Why the fuck Edward was pulling such nonsense? Why to be so dramatic about thing that didn’t even happen? Did this idiot really get involved in some sort of cult? And why was his sister so concerned about it that she decided to tell you ‘everything’, whatever needed to be said? However, the question that kept you wondering was who were the mysterious Volturi and what could they possibly resent about you?

One thing you were sure of. There hadn't been a moment since the sexual assault when you hadn't thought about it. And now your thoughts were occupied by the mysterious Volturi and you immensely wanted to find out what it was really all about.

⋎⋎⋎

On a plane ride, you found out that vampires are no fairy tales and your best friend was in love with one. It was a wild thought but, as soon as Alice started taking, you knew it wasn’t a joke. You were given so much information at once that you were unable to respond to anything as Alice finished her long monologue. You had a drink of water, although at that moment you very much regretted not being able to drink whisky.

“Okey, lets say I get most of this…” you said with a low voice, trying to be careful with what you’re saying. “But can you tell me who are Volturi and why would they want to decapitate Edward?” you asked, looking sideways, afraid that someone might hear.

Alice let out a sigh.

“The Volturi are the equivalent of the justice system in our world. They are the ones who created the laws that help us hide from the world, and they are the ones who enforce them. They consider themselves… sort of royalty, as their leaders – Aro, Caius and Marcus – are over three thousand years old.”

If you were to be honest, you were not very good at processing this information. Three thousand years? The first thought that popped into your mind was that they must be immensely lonely. You were sure you wouldn't want to live so many years without having anyone worthy by your side. Later, Alice quickly summarised all the laws that every vampire must obey. They weren't complicated, but when you thought about it a little longer, some of them weren't so easy to follow.

“I don't want to whine, or come off as ungrateful or anything like that, but... didn't you just break the law? By telling me about you?” you asked cautiously, not knowing if what you were saying was right.

Alice sighed again, this time heavier than before.

“It’s complicated” she said succinctly, which interested Bella, who was eating some kind of sandwich.

“This vision of yours was about [Y/N]?” she asked Alice curiously. Alice merely nodded. When Alice told you about her gift, and this was at the very beginning of the story, you found it hard to believe. It wasn’t so unbelievable now.

"Eat something," Alice said to you. "It's good for the baby" she added after a moment, seeing you hesitate. You swallowed heavily, as you suddenly felt sick. The memories of that evening came back.

Alice smiled softly, as if knowing exactly what you were thinking about. And this was supposed to be Edward's gift.

"Do you want to know the sex of the baby?" she asked, and your eyes almost fell out.

"Can you predict that?" you asked in disbelief. She and Bella both smiled. Alice nodded vigorously.

"Yeah, sure. I can't predict if the baby... you know, if it will be born, however, the sex I can tell you.”

You pondered on it, while eating your sandwich. The nausea eased, when you could think of something different than that unlucky evening. Before you knew it, you fell asleep and Alice woke you up when you landed in Italy. As Alice drove the stolen car, you tried to admire the beautiful views of Tuscany outside your window. When you had almost reached Volterra, you thought how wonderful it would be to live here.

⋎⋎⋎

This stupid boyfriend of hers. That was all his fault. Of course, Bella made it at the last minute. You, together with Alice, went to abandon the stolen car somewhere. Although, you had a feeling that you would be returning the exact same way. You tried to reassure yourself. Of course you’ll be returning. Or maybe not? If you were honest, you gave no fucks about it. You had no one who’d wait for you at home, your parents died, you were brutally raped not so long ago, and you didn’t even know if you wanted to keep the baby. Maybe dying today isn’t such a bad idea?

You have reached the square and entered the palace at a very convenient time. The guy who looked like a wardrobe and the other one, much shorter than him and blonde, looked like they were about to murder Edward in this instant. And actually, you felt like you could’ve murdered Edward too. Barely Alice closed the door, you didn't even glance at the two of them, but immediately began to scold Edward for what he had done. To hell with his gift!

“You stupid, immature, irresponsible, reckless and selfish bastard!” you started descriptively, and even Bella was taken aback by your behaviour. Alice raised her eyebrows and two other vampires looked at themselves and then straight at you. Edward had no time for any reply. “If you ever, I repeat, if you ever again do something as childish and irresponsible as expose my best friend to a nervous breakdown and months of depression, I promise you, here and now, that I will decapitate you myself. You're old, and yet a five-year-old child is smarter than you. You utter imbecile,” you hissed with hatred.

Of course, your malice towards him was temporary, but it's been a long time since anyone has angered you like that. The shorter man laughed under his breath, and the other one, who looked like a wardrobe, said:

“Can we keep her? I like the way she’s ruling the roost.”

He fell silent, as a short, pretty blonde woman entered the room. Her face was like a child's, but her eyes... bright red, staring at no one else but you.

“Jane” greeted her Edward. She didn’t even look at him.

“Aro sent me to see what was taking so long” she said. The atmosphere immediately became tense. Edward and Alice seemed to stiffen at the sound of Aro's name. You were curious but not frightened. Not yet.

Jane turned and immediately started walking towards the long corridor. Bella just looked at Edward, and you glanced at Alice.

“Do what she says,” she muttered to you and you both kept pace with the couple in the front.

Needless to say, it was the most stressful and also the most terrifying lift ride you've ever experienced. Not to add the creepy music background. You guessed it was supposed to make you feel better, but instead it made your whole stomach go up to your throat. You were standing right in the middle, next to Bella, holding Alice's hand. The vampire, who looked like a wardrobe, kept looking at you. You took a deep breath to calm your nerves. Puking on someone's shoes isn't going to make this situation any better. Out of the corner of your eye, you saw Edward smile. Yeah, the situation you’ve found yourself in was extremely funny indeed.

When you reached the main chamber, you didn't know what to look at first. At the vampires standing against every wall? Not very wise of you. At the marble floor? Nothing to be afraid of for now, so no. You probably should have looked at the three thrones in front of you and the vampires that sat on them, but instead, you were interested in the Latin phrase engraved between the columns above you.

You glanced at your company. Edward looked as if he was about to die. Maybe that's what's going to happen? Alice looked very out of sorts, and Bella, well, she was hanging onto Edward's arm and also looked like she was about to leave this world for good. She was unnaturally pale and you though she was going to faint any second. But it never happened. The rest of the room felt extremely comfortable. For a moment, you turned your head towards the boy who called out to Jane. You did not let go of Alice's hand but you did not feel any anxiety. Curiosity prevailed, mainly because you had come to terms with the fact of your imminent death.

“Sister! Sent you out to get one and you bring back two. And two halves,” the boy who’s just called Jane his sister probably was talking about me and Bella. “Such a clever girl,” he praised her like he wasn’t his sister but someone else entirely. You sighed heavily. Maybe they’re also into incest-kind-of-relationships? Who knows. You looked above your head again. There was a short inscription “vita brevis, ars longa” but you knew the rest of it. Latin was obligatory in every medical school.

When the man from the middle throne stood up, it was to him that you directed all your attention. You felt that something about him was... you had no idea how to describe it, but you felt a strange pull towards him. As if some invisible force had power over you.

“What a happy surprise!” he said pointedly, wide smile on his face. “Bella is alive after all. Isn’t that wonderful?” he said cheerfully, while walking towards Edward. At that exact moment, you realised that you had managed to get yourself into a huge mess. The lair of the vampires. And you were only a weak human. Recently raped. With a baby under your heart.

As soon as the man stepped down from the platform, you were unable to take your eyes off him. His posture, the way he spoke, his demeanour, it all made you feel incredible respect for him. You’ve never felt this secure and calm in your entire life.

“I love a happy ending,” the man said, while he took Edwards’ hand into his. “They’re so rare.”

You were wondering why this man took Edward’s hand in the first place. You did not have to wait long for an explanation.

“Aro can read every thought that I’ve ever had. With one touch” Edward explained to Bella but you were listening too. Very carefully listening. You’ve finally managed to know the name of the vampire. Aro. It suited him well. Although his eyes were a little scary, you were delighted with his charisma and approach to guests. You realised that indeed, they are called the royal family for a reason.

Aro smiled to Edward.

“Her blood appears to you so much,” he whispered, and you had a hard time hearing his words well. Aro’s gaze rested on Bella. “It makes me thirsty. How can you stand to be so close to her?” he asked Edward, who was feeling more and more uncomfortable. You could tell by the fact that he was practically standing like a statue.

“It is not without difficulty,” muttered Edward from behind his clenched teeth.

You swallowed hard, as Aro turned his gaze to Bella again but he smiled.

“Ah, I can see that” he said pleased, moving away from Edward and focusing all his attention on Bella.

“Although you’re a quite soul-reader yourself, Edward, you cannot read Bella’s thoughts” he made a rather dramatic pause, still staring stubbornly at your best friend. “Fascinating” he said, not hiding his curiosity.

You managed to look elsewhere, than at Aro. The man on the throne to your left seemed unusually agitated. He fixed his gaze on you, as if his life depended on it, yet you did not feel uncomfortable. You were surprised to discover that an invisible force was also drawing you towards him. You almost took a step forward. You tried to remember the man from a few minutes ago. He looked as if he had died in that chair a few centuries ago. And now he seemed genuinely moved.

“Brother” the man spoke to Aro, as he got up from his throne. Indeed, there seemed to be an urgency to the matter, for Aro turned around in surprise. You had the impression that the man from the throne had not risen from it for a long time.

“You knew about this, and you brought her anyway?” you heard Edward's quiet whisper, directed at Alice.

Alice looked at her brother, then at you and finally at a curious Aro.

"It would have happened anyway. Better sooner than later" Alice murmured mysteriously. You still didn't know what it was even about. The third man, the one on your right, did not share his brothers' patience.

"Aro, let's hurry this up, Heidi will be here soon, and we don't want to frighten our guests" he said ominously, grinning like a madman. You were far from solving this riddle, but as soon as you looked at him, you felt the same attraction and enigmatic pulling as towards the other two.

Aro took his brother's hand in his own and you could see that his eyes would have lit up with happiness if they could.

“Ah, my dear Marcus! What an exceptional news!” intoned Aro cheerfully, heading towards you. He was slow in his movements, exactly so that you would not be frightened by him. All his movements were framed by an incredible grace.

“My dear, if I may, what is your name?” he asked, coming closer to you. You were unable to take your eyes off him. It was exactly, as if he had hypnotised you, only the feeling was more addictive. You didn't have to have a gift or to be a vampire to know that. For a split second, you ran out of breath and just stared into his red irises.

“My name is [Y/N]” you said, with your voice trembling, as your throat tightened hard under the intense emotions. You couldn't believe it was really happening. Maybe it was just a dream? Maybe these three beautiful men are just a figment of your imagination? You didn't even want to think about the fact that it might not be true.

Aro smiled encouragingly, while looking at you with all the attention that he’d possibly give you. You felt like nothing more was more important than you to him at that exact moment.

"It is an incredible pleasure to meet you, [Y/N]. I am Aro, but you already know that.”

The smile never left his face and during this brief exchange of words, neither of you took your eyes off the other. You felt that the atmosphere in the room had changed. Aro extended his alabaster hand in an inviting gesture.

“May I, my dear?” he asked you politely.

You gulped. Of course, you wanted to show him that you didn't want to give away their secret. You wanted to show him the strange bond you felt towards him and his brothers. However, there were things you didn't want him to see. You felt deep down inside that this attraction had an explanation and you didn't want him to see... Not that. You’d felt exposed and extremely embarrassed. There was also another issue. His hand. You'd hugged Bella twice since it happened and just now you were holding Alice's hand. You didn't know if, when you touched him, you'd start screaming or crying because you were so afraid of someone else's touch.

Yet, his hand looked so inviting, almost familiar, as if you'd already had the chance to touch it before. Aro himself showed no impatience. He waited, still gazing into your blue irises with his crimson eyes. You extended your hand towards him, at first cautiously, and then with a little more confidence. You took a deep breath, before your fingers made contact. When it happened, you felt as if you had come home after many years of wandering. He closed your hand in his, just as he had done with Edward's. His skin was cold, but he handled you extremely gently. You stared into his eyes as he looked at your thoughts and memories of your whole life. You knew instantly when he was done because he smiled sadly at you. He squeezed your hand gently in his.

"Never again, my love. Never again," he assured passionately, and then he leaned down to place a kiss on your hand. It was so light and as gentle as a breeze on a summer day. You couldn't help but smile.

Aro clapped his hands. He was clearly pleased with what had just happened between you.

"Aro, will you explain to me what's going on? I'm sick of waiting," said the nervous brother, who was the only one with blond hair. Aro smiled widely and turned towards him.

"Ah, Caius, you'll never guess. Finally, after so many years, our mate has honoured us with her presence" he said overjoyed and Caius frowned in awe. You were already able to tell that this did not happen often. Marcus, on the other hand, was sitting on his throne, smiling, still looking in your direction. You didn't miss the glances of the other vampires either. Was it some sort of celebration when Marcus was smiling?

“What does that mean?” it was Bella who snapped that question. Aro immediately appeared by her side. He gently stroked her hair, pulling an unruly strand behind her ear. You felt the sting of jealousy, when he touched her face. You should be the one asking that question and not her.

“Ah, and dear Isabella. What to do with you,” he wondered aloud, as if asking others for advice. “As I have far more important matters to deal with....” he began, looking directly at you. “I’d love to see if you’re an exception to my gift as well,” he whispered to Bella, extending his hand towards her. She didn't have much choice, did she? She took his hand, a little hesitantly, but after a short while Aro moved away.

“Interesting” he muttered. “I see nothing.”

“You already know what you’ll do with her, Aro” said Marcus, his eyes never leaving your person. “Just do it, as we want to know our little angel a bit more.”

You looked at Bella for a moment. She was terrified, not only with her own case, but also with yours. You have already guessed that you are not going anywhere. They would never let you out of their hands. Aro knew perfectly well that you didn't even have anything to go back to. Of course, you had plenty of questions, but you were sure it wasn't about your case now. Just about Bella's situation and what the Cullens had done, or rather what they hadn't done. However, you guessed it, Bella was afraid you wouldn't get out of here alive, and at the same time, you were worried about the exact same thing but about her.

Aro was smiling continuously.

“I have an idea” he said, after a long while. He approached Alice this time. “Would you be so kind, dear, and show me if you saw Bella's transformation in your vision?”

You were smart enough to know that it wasn’t a request. Alice undid her glove and boldly gave Aro her hand. He was absent for a moment and then smiled again. You were impressed by the aura he spread around himself. When he smiled, you felt like smiling too. You still had the impression that it was only a dream, and simultaneously you were sure that it was really happening. Aro's touch was definitely real, you couldn’t forget his cool hands embracing your own.

“Ah, lovely. I know everything now,” he declared. You and Bella probably looked similarly confused, but you weren't the least bit concerned and she was as pale as a sheet.

Aro turned directly to Edward.

“As I have seen Isabella's transformation in Alice's vision, I can let you go with peace of mind, my dear young friends. I trust that a date will be set sooner, rather than later and that I will be able to see for myself, what your mate will be capable of, Edward. As for you, Isabella, you are promising immortal material and I hope your potential will not go to waste," he said, this time speaking directly to Bella.

She was still brave enough to look him in the eye.

“And what with [Y/N]? You never mentioned what will happen to her” she noticed, looking in your direction. You smiled gently to her.

“I’m staying here, Bella” you said calmly, trying to reassure her with your tone of voice that all shall be all right.

You saw pure admiration and joyousness on Aro’s face as you said that.

“Isn’t she remarkable, brothers?” he asked Marcus and Caius, who looked as if they had just received the most beautiful Christmas present.

Bella seemed to be thoroughly outrageous.

“You can’t be serious [Y/N]! You cannot stay here, please, come back with us. You cannot be here while you’re pregnant” she cried, holding your hand and looking at you with disbelief.

What she said made you very uncomfortable and extremely upset.

"Bella, I have nothing to go back to. My parents are dead. You knew that if Alice told me everything, it would have to be resolved somehow," you stated matter-of-factly, squeezing her hand in yours. "I can't go back there, Bells." Your throat tightened with despair as memories of recent events flooded inside your mind. You tried to hold back tears.

"I am a shadow of my former self. I'm afraid to leave the house alone to go shopping or to work. This paranoia is overwhelming me, Bella. I keep turning behind me to see if anyone is following me on the street. I cry at night, knowing that it doesn't change anything. And then there's this unfortunate baby," you sighed helplessly, trying not to burst with tears. "Even if I keep it, I don't want it to have a mother who's afraid to leave the house. I can't live like this, we both know that" you whispered, squeezing her hands in yours again.

“But you cannot possibly be mated with all three of them” Bella whispered with despair in her eyes. You only smiled, sensing that this sentence got on Kings’ nerves, especially Caius’s.

“I think it’s predestined, Bella. Just as you are destined to be with Edward, I do belong here, with my mates” you said cautiously, glancing at Aro and looking for approval in his eyes. He was only looking at you with delight, as he said nothing.

You saw that Bella had hard time processing such information, whilst Edward and Alice said nothing at all. You knew that Alice knew prior about this, and Edward could see the vision in her thoughts. You pulled Bella into a comfortable hug.

“Hey, sister, we don’t see each other the very last time. We’ll meet again. Probably in a different…condition but still.”

Bella looked devastated.

“You promise me that?” she asked warily, her tone full of hope. You smiled at her.

“Of course I do.” You kissed her cheek and caressed her long, brown hair. “We can call each other, you know. It’s not like I’m moving to the Moon,” you joked, to release the tension a bit. To your astonishment, everybody in the room laughed at that. It made you blush, just a little tiny bit.

After another farewell, in which this time you also included Alice and Edward (barely, because you were still mad at him) and an official farewell from Aro, who told them to give his friend kind regards from him, the guests left the chamber.

They left, and Aro was immediately by your side. He gently stroked your long blonde hair, but didn't touch a single piece of a skin. After the display of your memories, he probably knew very well that you did not wish any touch for the time being.

You still couldn't free yourself from under his spell and if you were to be honest, you didn't want to at all. Aro offered you his arm.

"I believe, we have much to discuss, my love."

You took his arm gratefully.

"I have a ton of questions," you admitted as you walked out of the chamber with Marcus and Caius slowly following you. You didn't need to look back, the strange bonds that drew you together informed you of their presence in a yet unknown way.

Aro, as usual, smiled magnificently.

"My dear, one thing at a time," he said in a gentle tone, as he patted your forearm with tenderness. When you entered the study with the round table, Aro immediately pushed back a chair for you.

"No one is to disturb us" you heard Caius' sharp tone as he closed the door behind you. You tried to feel comfortable and at ease. After all, this was your home from now on.

Part 2 | Part 3

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blitzturtles · 3 years

Text

Title: Can't Fix Everything

Rating: Teen and Up

Fandom: JoJo's Bizarre Adventure: Diamond is Unbreakable (Future Fic)

Pairing(s): JotaHan

Summary: Jotaro frowns when he rings the doorbell and no one answers. It’s not as though he’s unexpected. He and Rohan had discussed this beforehand, but he knows that it’s entirely possible that Rohan got too caught up in his work. That he’s got his eyes glued to the pages with such a hyperfixation that he hadn’t even heard the doorbell going off.

Notes: When I went to write the ‘Flail Chest’ piece, I couldn’t make up my mind if I wanted it to be with Jotaro or Josuke, so here’s the Jotaro version (if it can be called that. Same injury, very different story.) Ngl, kind of frustrated with the end, but I've been sitting on this for a few weeks now.

[Copy and pasted from the Josuke version: Unimportant bit of trivia: the first rib fixation for adolescent flail chest wasn’t actually done until ~2006, but this is fic, so fuck it.

Flail chest: When a section of the chest wall becomes detached due to the ribs being broken in two or more places. The treatment for this can be a wait and see method (with pain management and physical therapy), but there’s also rib fixation, which is a surgical procedure that can help dramatically reduce short and long-term complications.

The rib injury is canon; the extent of it in this fic, not so much.]

Jotaro frowns when he rings the doorbell and no one answers. It’s not as though he’s unexpected. He and Rohan had discussed this beforehand, but he knows that it’s entirely possible that Rohan got too caught up in his work. That he’s got his eyes glued to the pages with such a hyperfixation that he hadn’t even heard the doorbell going off. At least, that’s what Jotaro tells himself. How he tries to rationalize the lack of response.

Unfortunately, too many years on this earth-- facing some of the worst creatures to have ever disgraced her surface-- means that Jotaro has a good idea when he’s being pointlessly paranoid and when his ‘gut feeling’ is something to be taken seriously, and he’s feeling the latter right about now.

Star breaks the door’s lock with a particularly nasty twist of the knob. It’s nothing Jotaro can’t fix with a quick trip to the hardware store later, but that doesn’t matter right now.

“Rohan?” He calls into the seemingly empty house. The majority of the lights are off, and there’s no movement. No sound, and it’s far too early for Rohan to consider bed, which means he’s either closed in his studio or gone.

Jotaro makes a beeline for the familiar door that leads to Rohan’s sanctuary. It’s possible Rohan went out on a whim. Impulse control isn’t exactly his strong suit, especially when it might be something related to his manga, but it’s smarter to check the one place Rohan haunts most in life before bothering with anywhere else.

The door is unlocked, which doesn’t necessarily mean anything, though it doesn’t stop Jotaro’s heart from hammering away in his chest. There’s a flash of red across his vision, like a filter of blood, but he shakes it off in favor of taking in the room. He can’t let his past trauma affect him now.

Or maybe he can, because there Rohan is. On the floor, huddled partway beneath his desk. There’s a low whine that accompanies the screwed up features, and it’s all Jotaro needs to know that Rohan is in pain. A significant amount of it.

“Fuck,” Jotaro grinds out. He makes his way to Rohan quickly. Star Platinum itches to freeze time. A natural reaction to walking into an obviously bad situation with little information to work with, but Jotaro won’t waste the opportunity. They might only have one shot to work with, and he can’t waste it before he even knows what he’s walked into.

Carefully, he crouches in front of Rohan, His eyes don’t quite fixate on the mangaka. Instead, he’s too busy taking in their surroundings, searching for a threat.

Rohan startles and yelps. “What the fuck?” He grinds out after the initial shock washes over both of them.

“I could ask you the same thing. What happened?” Jotaro demands. His gaze shifts to Rohan. It’s a raking thing. Slow and deliberate as he searches for any sign of injury. There’s no blood that he can see. No limbs twisted horrifically out of place, and no holes punched where they don’t belong. Jotaro doesn’t allow himself to relax. There’s obviously something wrong; he just hasn’t figured it out yet.

“Ribs,” Rohan breathes out after a moment of hesitation. The mere effort of talking leaves him struggling for air.

Jotaro’s frown deepens, and he tunes out the rest of the world to focus on Rohan.

“Let me see.”

“No.”

“Rohan.”

“Go away.”

“Kishibe,” Jotaro grinds out. He doesn’t have time to put up with Rohan being a toddler when he could have a punctured lung.

“Fine,” Rohan concedes, though doesn’t move.

Jotaro sighs and carefully maneuvers Rohan onto his side. He uses Star’s hands as a cushion between Rohan’s body and the floor. A gentle effort to avoid making the situation worse, and, for once, Jotaro is incredibly thankful for Rohan’s penchant for crop tops. It’s a convenience-- rather than a nuisance and a distraction-- in a time like this.

Slowly, Jotaro pushes the fabric out of the way, and he sucks in a sharp breath out of sympathy the moment he gets an eyeful of the bruising that’s blossomed across Rohan’s side.

“That Stand got you right in that old wound of your’s, huh?” Jotaro asks. He barely resists the urge to reach out and touch the scars hidden underneath the black and blue mess. He’s known about their existence for a while, though Rohan rarely lets him lay eyes on them for more than a few seconds at a time.

There’s three scars in total, and each one runs the length of a rib, starting at Rohan’s sternum and wrapping around midway to his spine. A childhood injury from a freak accident that still causes unnecessary pain.

(”Why not just let Josuke heal you?” Jotaro remembers asking the first time he caught a glimpse of the scars.

“Josuke can’t fix everything,” Rohan had answered, short and irritable.)

Jotaro wonders if Rohan would allow Josuke to help now. If only to take the edge off, but Jotaro will worry about calling his nephew later. For now, he’s more concerned with getting Rohan off the floor and checked over properly. Jotaro hadn’t seen Rohan take a hit, which means that he has no idea how hard it had been or what kind of damage they might be dealing with. There could be internal bleeding, a collapsed lung, or god knows what else. The bruising is extensive enough, and Rohan’s breathing is ragged. Too shallow and a touch uneven.

“What gave you that idea?” Rohan snarls at him, breaking Jotaro out of his thoughts. He forgot how ill-tempered the mangaka is when he’s hurting.

“Good grief,” Jotaro mutters, though he takes it as a positive sign that Rohan’s got enough fight in him to make this as difficult as possible.

As carefully as possible, he scoops Rohan up into his arms. It isn’t easy, given the location of the wound, but he only makes Rohan whimper rather than scream. That has to count for something.

The path to the bedroom is blessedly short, considering the size of Rohan’s house. Jotaro gently deposits the mangaka on his oversized bed and heads for the en suite bathroom to retrieve the bottle of prescription painkillers that he knows Rohan underutilizes whenever possible (Rohan doesn’t like what they do to his head, and Jotaro can’t say that he blames him). It takes some rummaging, but he manages to find the pills and a cup to pour some water into.

“Here,” Jotaro says once he returns to the bedroom. To his surprise, Rohan takes both the cup and the proffered pills without complaint. He swallows the painkillers dry and chases them down with the water before falling back against the pillows with a quiet groan.

Jotaro takes that as his permission to resume his earlier inspection. Once again, he rolls the edge of the crop top up and tries not to grimace at the sight that greets him. It’s definitely no better than before, not that he had expected it to be. There’s more bruising than not on the scarred side, and some of it has branched across, spreading to the other side. Despite how horrific it looks, Rohan’s breathing is mostly even. It’s obvious that he’s in pain and holding back, but the lung seems to be inflating properly, which is… something. Far from great, but definitely better than the alternative.

Slowly, Jotaro palpates the area. All while ignoring the squirming and gasped breaths that he gets from Rohan. At some point, Rohan has enough, and he tries to swat Jotaro away, but he pulls back before Rohan can reach him.

“I don’t think you’re bleeding internally,” Jotaro announces with a barely level tone. Relief edges his words despite his attempt to keep his tone even. He tries not to think of what could have happened if Rohan had been left alone, bleeding internally, and without any way to call for help. Jotaro chastises himself for not noticing the hit or its aftermath. How could he have missed something so obvious? He can’t imagine that Rohan had been able to fully hide it.

“Fantastic,” Rohan grits out with a roll of his eyes. The way he relaxes into the mattress gives him away, though. He’d been scared.

“I’m going to go get some ice for that. Do you need anything else?”

“No,” Rohan says too quickly. His fingers twitch, but he doesn’t speak up again. Jotaro takes that as his sign to go ahead, and he wanders downstairs and toward the kitchen.

The pantries are unsurprisingly bare, though Jotaro manages to find a baggie to put a decent amount of ice into. He grabs the hand towel off the counter to wrap the makeshift pack in and heads back upstairs, where he finds Rohan exactly where he left him. He hasn’t moved so much as an inch. It’s one more sign of the agony he must be in.

“Do you want me to call Josuke?” Jotaro asks, already knowing the answer. He passes Rohan the ice pack, figuring it will be better if Rohan places it himself. The cold is already going to make him tense up, and he doesn’t need the added pain.

“No.”

“He doesn’t have to see.”

“No.”

Jotaro gives a half shrug, “If you insist.”

“I do,” Rohan sniffs, snooty and irritated until he places the wrapped ice against his skin. He hisses and jolts away from it, but it only takes a moment before he relaxes and presses the pack that much closer. “Stop being a mother and lie down. ‘m not going anywhere anytime soon.” It’s not meant to be a reassurance, but Jotaro takes it that way anyways.

“I could call the Foundation.”

“Don’t you dare,” Rohan shoots back like Jotaro’s words had been a threat. They hadn’t. It’s an offer to have a specialist come to Rohan rather than to force Rohan to the hospital, but it doesn’t surprise Jotaro that he took it to be something else entirely.

“You’re wheezing,” Jotaro points out with the same frown he’s been wearing since he found Rohan on the floor.

“I’m fine. Get in this bed or get out.”

Jotaro can’t help thinking the words might hold more weight if Rohan weren’t practically wheezing them, but he decides to let the subject drop for now. There’s no apparent sign of an emergency. Yet. He’s not sure he can relax enough to get comfortable, but he does toe off his shoes. He rolls onto his side after another moment of contemplation. At least this position allows for him to keep an eye on Rohan without jostling him too much.

Rohan rolls his eyes, but he settles against the mattress with a half-shrug. A ‘suit yourself’ sort of gesture that’s far milder than the rest of his responses have been. His eyes slide shut and he keeps his hand firmly pressed to the ice he’s still holding to his side. His hold is still too tight, and his posture is too stiff. Jotaro wishes he could do more, but he knows how chronic pain goes. There’s really nothing more either of them can do now other than sit and wait for the medication to kick in. Rohan won’t see Josuke, and he’d probably bite Jotaro if the older man tried to take him to the hospital. Waiting is their only option, and time moves at an impossibly slow pace.

Nearly thirty minutes go by in complete silence. Rohan keeps his eyes stubbornly screwed shut, and Jotaro watches him unashamedly. The moment he thinks Rohan is getting worse, he’s dragging both of them to the nearest hospital, repercussions be damned.

Likewise, he keeps having to remind himself to take a breath. Rohan is alive and-- well, mostly-- breathing, granted it looks strained and painful, but it’s better than the alternative. Better than the rattle that Jotaro’s heard too many times before, and there’s no needless gasping. Only the occasional, low whine that manages to slip its way past Rohan’s thin-pressed lips.

Finally, after what seems like an eternity, Rohan’s body begins to relax. His limbs go slack against the mattress, and his core sinks downwards. He’s no longer holding stiff as a board, and the difference is nearly palpable. Jotaro can see the moment exhaustion takes its hold over pain, and Rohan begins to slip under the blanket that is sleep.

Jotaro takes the risk of removing Rohan’s headband then. His fingers card through the mess of hair left behind. Rohan leans into the touch like it’s the best thing he’s felt in awhile, and it probably is, given what his body’s just gone through. Jotaro won’t deny him that bit of relief, so he continues to pet through Rohan’s hair until there are soft snores escaping the mangaka. Even then, he doesn’t stop. The last thing he wants is to accidentally wake Rohan up.

Eventually being curled on his side and having nowhere to go takes its toll. Jotaro’s eyelids grow heavier the longer he stays put, and he doesn’t bother to fight the sleep that settles in his limbs first and comes for his mind second.

#jotahan #kujo jotaro #jotaro kujo #rohan kishibe #kishibe rohan #jjba #jojo's bizarre adventure #jjba part 4 #part 4 #blitzwrites #blitz

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mleemwyvern · 3 years

Note

Hello! I have many Nethered thoughts but I'm a bit too tired for Discord talks, so I guess I'll just send them here if that's alright! You can answer in your own time, or not at all if things get spammy.

First of all: Tango! What a wonderful design, I have so many thoughts...how does he feel about his new form, now that he can hug his friends and more or less live his life again? Does it disturb him to be crumbling all the time and burning and just generally not-quite-him? I wonder how many things he accidentally sets on fire just by interacting with them in ways he used to but can't do anymore safely...I guess I just generally want to hear more about Nethered!Tango, if there's anything you wanted to share that you didn't get the chance to already!

At first.. he's just grateful that existence is no longer constant, burning agony. That he can hug his friends, speak properly, move properly. That he no longer burns everything he touches.

Later, after the initial reflief has worn off... he hates it. He hates the constant crumbling, sand everywhere. He hates that he cant touch water without pain. He hates having eyes of blue flame, so easily extinguished if he isnt careful around water- getting caught in the rain not only hurts, but blinds him, and he cant find his way to shelter very easily if he cant see. He'll never swim again, never use a bubblevator, never use a water bucket to break his fall. Water is everywhere, and it hurts.

He doesnt burn things with just a touch anymore, but his hair is fire, and will definitely burn things. He doesnt get to wear hats. If firetick wasnt off, he would burn down any flammable building with low ceilings, simply by standing in it. He wouldnt be able to sleep in a bed, as it would catch fire the moment his head hit the pillow. But firetick being off prevents his flames from consuming everything. He's never been more grateful for it.

And finally, a few fun facts!

- he may not burn to the touch anymore, but he is still warm. significantly warmer than a person should be, but not burning. Just warm. This makes him very good for hugs, if you can get past Sand Everywhere (and the others can)

- even the smallest parts of his new form are annoying. why did it have to be blue fire? thats not his colour! also, he wants his fabulous hair back.

- he doesnt cry regular tears anymore. thats at least somewhat good, because if he did, he would blind himself every time he cried. what are his tears now? soul sand.

- since the nethered hermits have cut off access to the nether, they've lost sources of many resources. quartz, blaze rods, ghast tears, wither skulls... soul sand would normally be included here. but technically, tango generates an infinite supply of soul sand. its just... really fucking weird, getting it this way.

- nethered takes place before decked out. decked out may not end up existing in this universe, and if it does, the dungeon is quite a bit different due to the lack of 1.16 blocks. and it definitely wouldnt include punching out soul flames. not when its creator.. kind of is one.

- yes, he can (theoretically) be used in a bubblevator. nobody would ever do that, because it would hurt him. but he does make a bubble column.

- this form only mostly sucks. it is kind of cool that he isnt hurt by fire or lava anymore. he can and will just walk through fire and not even care. he probably bathes in lava, due to the aforementioned water pain.

- if he is touching fire, it turns blue! for as long as hes in contact with the flames, theyre burning off of soul sand, and theyre soul fire now. it goes back to normal fire when he leaves.

#ask #nethered #shade my beloved... so many asks... so much brainrot...#ill answer the rest tomorrow bc its late #but all of them are amazing. nethered my beloved and im so glad you like it #join me in the brainrot!#nethered tango is an entire brainrot on his own tbh #i may have caused him too much pain. i take no responsibility for this #im not the one who turned him into sand and fire! i just. took the logical consequences of that :)#and also. tangst good.#at least he can hug his friends now. and he does. a lot. very good and warm hugs.

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theanoninyourinbox · 3 years

Text

Longstar AU Three to Tango part 2

Sorry this bit took longer, had some personal issues to deal with, but we’re all good now. I also realized I added a plot point too early, and removed it. Alright back to cats!

While out hunting, Cinderpaw falls from a tree, injuring her hind leg. Lionpaw carries her back to camp, and brings back a strange stick as well, saying he just thought it was neat. Fireheart is worried that due to her being a reincarnation of a crippled warrior, that she might have similar leg problems. Lionpaw butts in, saying that she’s not the same cat; even if her spirit resides in Cinderpaw, Cinderpelt is a far different cat. Darkmoon is touched by this wisdom, but then looks at Lionpaw to see him staring off into space, with the AOL dialup tone playing. Canon continues until...

Riverclan! They proclaim their camp is unusable, and Jaypaw sneaks over to see a bunch of twoleg kits running around. Unfortunately he’s caught, but it’s Uncle Hawkfrost, who just sends him home with a stern warning. A few nights later, Lionpaw has a strange dream about tunnels, and an orange-and-white tomcat, and a nearly hairless elder. Canon continues until...

The Windclan kits go missing, and the Three join Breezepaw and Heatherpaw to look for them. They find the kits in the tunnels, but the water begins to rise. Lionpaw, remembering his dream, tosses the kits on his back and leads everyone to safety. Canon continues until...

The Tribe! It goes mostly as canon, but with the Three bonding with their father, trying to get him to bond with Breezepaw somewhat successfully, and immediately adopting Purdy as their “Gramps”. Crowfeather, Tawnypelt, Foxflight, and Stormfur rekindle their friendship, with Tawnypelt apologizing to Foxflight about Brambleclaw, and all four reuniting with Feathertail. While watching battle training, Lionpaw asks Feathertail what works best for her back, determined to gather new knowledge for any future injuries. Canon continues until...

After the fight with the intruding cats ends, Hollypaw is covered in blood and little cuts, but shows her brothers a brand new scar on her belly that should have been a fatal wound, but instead healed up. Lionpaw tells her that he can tell it doesn’t hurt because he would feel it. Hollypaw says what? Lionpaw says what? Jaypaw, remembering the dream-sharing he did with Lionpaw that one time, decides Starclan is involved and didn’t tell them. Starclan you beTTER EXPLAIN SO HELP ME I’LL GET GRAN-GRAN INVOLVED!!!!

Gran-gran Yellowfang yeets down from Starclan to kiss and holler at all her descendants, and gives them the Prophecy, explaining that their parents didn’t tell them because they were unsure who it involved, and she refuses to keep it a secret anymore, citing that the last time she kept a secret Brokenstar happened, giving a short explanation. The Three agree to not be mad at their family, because that makes sense.

Storm and Brook decide to stay with the Tribe, and after a tearful farewell, the Clan Cats leave. When Hollypaw gets back to camp, she has another dream about Tigerstar and Brambleclaw, now insisting they can train her to be the best warrior ever. When she wakes up, she grabs her siblings, parents (Crowfeather and Swiftpool are having a sleepover), aunt and uncles, and her grandparents and great-uncle and the beans get spilled about the Prophecy and the Creepy Cat Dreams. Everyone panics! But they unpanic when Sandstorm, who was woken by the ruckus, points out that maybe the panic was the point? Maybe if we stay calm and ignore them, they’ll either stop or make a move. Everyone agrees, but this plants the seeds of doubt and anxiety in Hollypaw. Did they pick her because she’s weak? Canon continues until...

Windclan and Thunderclan both start finding each other’s prey on their land. Mudstar and Longstar both agree someone is trying to start a fight, which happens when some younger warriors from both sides start a tussle. Mudstar says until they figure out who’s doing this the clans should stay apart. This leads to Swiftpool and Crowfeather being separated for a time. A little while later, Berrynose, one of the troublemakers, says he saw a lion walking around camp, no it wasn’t Lionpaw I swear! A little later, Fireheart, Darkmoon, and Lionpaw are gathering herbs, and discussing when Fireheart should retire, when Sol strolls up, say oop sun’s gonna go out, and yoinks out of ther before Darkmoon can grab him. Canon continues until...

The free for all, triggered by some idiot in Windclan, starts, and the Eclipse happens. Everyone except for Jaypaw and Longstar panics, and Sol strolls off to Shadowclan, with a ghostly Yellowfang throwing cat-cuss words at his back. He still convinces Blackstar to forsake Starclan.

Back at Thunderclan, Hollypaw, Jaypaw, and Cinderpaw are promoted to Hollywish (for her great-grandmother and grandmother, and her hopes for the future), Jaywhisker (for his alternative senses and long whiskers), and Cinderheart. The clan cheers them on, with Swiftpool at the front, and Lionpaw at her side, comforting her because his father can’t be there. Flyshadow cheers from the nursery because she’s pregnant!! Canon continues until...

The Three sneak onto Shadowclan territory, and see poor Littlecloud get grounded by Blackstar. On their way back, Tawnypelt catches up to them, with her kits Emberpaw (Flamepaw), Goldenpaw (Tigerpaw), and Dawnpaw in tow. They want no part of a Starless Clan. Longstar welcomes them to Thunderclan as long as they need shelter. Canon continues until...

Millie and her daughter Briarkit become ill, and the illness begins to spread. Lionpaw has a visit from Raggedstar and Runningnose, and grabs his siblings and the Shadowclan apprentices, hoping a plan can be hatched. Jaywhisker and Flamepaw come up with the tree plan, and are as surprised as everyone else when actual Starclan ghosts show up to holler at the Shadowclan cats. Blackstar is convinced, and throws Sol out with a Goofy Ya-ha-ha-hooie! Canon continues until...

Longstar loses a life to the Greencough in camp, and Lionpaw asks Jaywhisker to dreamwalk Kestrelpaw, the Windclan Medicine apprentice, to find out where the catmint is. After locating it, Lionpaw goes to get it, and is spotted by Breezepaw, who looks a bit happier? Lionpaw is delighted his half-sib is doing well, and Breeze paw admits that he and Crowfeather hashed things out a bit, then tells Lionpaw to get on and go. Lionpaw returns to camp with the medicine, and at the next half-moon, is named Lionblossom (for his “blooming spirit” and he gets petals stuck in his fur) by a proud Darkmoon. When he goes to sleep the next night, he has a dream about tunnels and tribe cats, and a pretty molly named Half-moon. Canon continues until...

The Fire Scene!!! Foxflight gets stuck on the other side of a flaming wall with her niece and nephews, and makes a daring leap to grab a branch. As she maneuvers it across the fire, a shadowy figure approaches. In a flash, a dirty grey tabby leaps on the branch, blocking her way back!! Oh whatever will she do?!? She tackles him, knocking the tom head over tail into the fire, and saves her family. Lionblossom has to be carried out, as he’s writhing in agony, feeling the pain of burns from the mysterious stranger. He recovers shortly after, and no body is found in camp. However, right before the next Gathering, a Thunderclan patrol finds a burnt corpse by the lakeside. Flamewish, part of the patrol, thinks he looks familiar, but Graystripe is behind her, too horrified to speak. He manages to sputter out that he recognizes the scarred pelt when Longstar approaches, and immediately identifies him as Darkstripe?!?!? Wait what!???!!! That night, Hollywish is visited by her Least Favorite Ghosts, but behind them is a smoky tom, both in pelt and in stench, and her doubt increases...Canon continues until...

Bluestar yells at Yellowfang for telling her descendants the prophecy. It was supposed to be a secret, yells Bluestar. Well so was Brokenstar and look where that got us, Yellowfang hollers back. The two glare at each other for a while until Runningnose and Redtail break them up.

Back at Thunderclan camp, the cats are discussing how Darkstripe survived his throat being shredded, when the newly promoted Breezepelt and Heathertail enter camp. They spotted Sol on Windclan land carrying a Thunderclan bird, and watched him plant it on Windclan territory, explaining the prey problem. Longstar sends a patrol out to look for him, and the bring him and this other hanger-on that refused to leave him. The Three grab their Gramps Purdy and escort him to the elder’s den, are you comfy Gramps, oh here let me introduce you to Mousefur. Canon continues until...

Briarkit is attacked by the snake. Honeyfern leaps in the way, getting struck in the eye, and Lionblossom makes the painful split-second decision to to an eye-ectomy on the spot. Luckily, Fireheart heard the screaming and was rushing over to help, and finds both Honeyfern and Lionblossom on the ground writhing in pain. Honeyfern is rushed to the Medicine Den, where she makes a miracle recovery - her eye and the hearing in that ear, and her ability to have kits are gone, and she’ll most likely be wobbly for life. Honeyfern and Berrynose mourn their lack of future kits, but Poppyfrost insists she’ll carry kits for them, and the three can raise them together. In the forest nearby, a seething ghostly Mapleshade confronts a shimmering Frecklewish, but both stalk off without a fight. At some point around here, Coldlight confesses his feelings to Sandstorm, who tells him she needs to think about her feelings. He respects her wishes because he’s sensible, and needs to emotionally recover from his love confession, because Coldlight’s drained by feelings. Canon continues until...

At next Gathering, Mudstar and Blackstar both want a piece of Sol. Longstar counters that holding him prisoner keeps him from doing more harm, and Mudstar agrees, ending the cross-clan conflict - Crowfeather promises his kits he’ll visit shortly. Back at Thunderclan later, Hollywish thinks she’s talking to her father and confesses her fears and anxieties. The shadowy cat tells her of course she’s evil, and no one actually loves you. A teary Hollywish rushes off, past her brothers, and into the tunnels, and they collapse behind her. Crowfeather pins Sol to the ground, and he laughs evily.

Meanwhile, Whitewing’s kits and Flyshadow’s kit sleep peacefully.

Dun Dun Dun! And that’s all for now!

#Longtail #Longstar #longstar au #Warrior cats #warrior cats au #warriors

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sepublic · 3 years

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From Understanding Willow to Agony of a Witch

I think Understanding Willow is in some ways foreshadowing to Agony of a Witch, as well as the flashback in Young Blood, Old Souls; Specifically Amity, and the way she handles hurting her close friend Willow, and how that parallels how Lilith hurt Eda…

The first time Amity hurts Willow, both herself AND Willow are being threatened here. In Agony of a Witch, Belos threatens to kill Lilith by the end of the day if she doesn’t deliver Eda to him; Not only that, but Lilith has been told by Belos that he’ll cure Eda of her curse if she does so. Lilith knows the curse is worsening, that Eda hates it and wants it gone- And we also know from Eda herself that it’s going to deliver her to a ‘fate worse than death’.

Amity is being threatened by her own parents, which- It’s asking a LOT for an abused kid to stand up to that. But not only that, Willow’s chances at Hexside are directly threatened, and Amity couldn’t imagine ruining Willow’s academic future! And while I doubt Willow would’ve enjoyed losing her chance at Hexside; I feel like had she known the full context, she wouldn’t have valued enrollment at the school THAT much, just as Eda hates the curse, but isn’t willing to have it cured if it means joining Belos. Amity and Lilith make this sort of choice for their loved one, without really telling them or giving them any agency in it; Likely because it hurts a lot for them to admit that the person they’re serving is terrible. For Lilith, she’d be admitting to Eda that yes, Belos IS a tyrant that she’s been serving; And Amity, she’s an abused kid, and I imagine it’s super uncomfortable to admit what her parents are like to anyone, even her best friend.

Then in the present-day, Amity goes behind Willow’s back to burn her memory photo; And while I can see her having some semblance of altruism behind the act, ultimately it was done in selfish motive, possibly to preserve Amity’s friendship with Luz, for fear that Luz would judge her after hearing how Amity broke ties with Willow. When Lilith and Eda had to duel to join the Emperor’s Coven, Lilith also goes behind Eda’s back to curse her; And while I’m sure she also justified it in her head with the idea of Eda being so talented that she could join the Emperor’s Coven another time anyway (just as Amity could’ve reasoned that Willow wouldn’t want this painful memory), it was still done for selfish reasons.

Lilith wanted to join the Emperor’s Coven… And she cast a curse that should’ve been way more simple, way less disastrous, than it actually was; Just like how Amity burned the memory photo, and only expected THAT photo to burn; But then the rest did, starting a process that would’ve destroyed Willow’s mind, while also igniting (ba-dum tsss) some very powerful grief and rage within her former friend. Both Lilith and Amity acted selfishly to harm their loved one, believing the actual effects would be way less than what they ended up being… And unlike Amity, Lilith wasn’t able to undo the damage.

(It’s also worth noting that Lilith didn’t have a ‘Luz’ to guide her, to tell her that what she did was wrong; While also providing Lilith the opportunity and support to fix the actual problem. I just think that’s important to remember when it comes to this show’s themes of loneliness and how that can really effect one’s relationships and handling of issues.)

Of course, Lilith and Amity also contrast as well, as they’re not exact copies of one another; Lilith’s selfish decision came in the past, Amity’s in the present; With Lilith’s more forced decision happening in the present, while Amity’s occurred in the past. Lilith’s second mistake was in some ways done to remedy what she’d done; While Amity’s was to hide what she did. In Understanding Willow, we’re led to assume the worst of Amity, but then find out the story was more nuanced than we were led to believe; While with Lilith, we’re led to believe that she’s trying to cure her sister out of the goodness of her heart, and she IS… But then we learn that she’s also fixing a problem that shecaused. Amity’s actions are re-contextualized as more sympathetic, whilst Lilith’s become much darker.

However, even though Amity’s side of the story DOES make her rejection of Willow come across as a lot less cruel and painful, and in some ways altruistic… It was still bad. And I think that’s interesting, that Amity recognizes that it’s valid to tell her side of the story regarding what happened, to at least get that out of the way; But she also acknowledges that it hardly excuses what she did, that Amity still messed up and she has to change her behavior to fix things. While Inner Willow does briefly calm down and reconsider everything that happened with the new information, Amity still makes a point that she still failed Willow in ways she didn’t need to; And that she needs to make up for what she’s done, apologize, and change her behavior.

Amity never suggests nor insinuates that Willow should be grateful, that Willow should forgive her- If anything, Amity resists telling the truth, possibly because she refuses to defend herself. Amity thinks that what she did to Willow was so deplorable that it doesn’t need an explanation, because that wouldn’t change what she did. But in the end, Amity tells the truth- Possibly because she’s learning to vouch for herself with Luz’s encouragement… But mostly, I imagine, because Amity knows that Willow deserves closure as part of the healing process. That even if Amity was doing what seemed like the best decision at the time, Willow still deserves to know the truth, just to give her that peace of mind.

This is different from Lilith, who refuses to tell Eda about why she cursed her sister, about why she’s willing to take Luz hostage; Likely out of more cowardice, but also some degree of pride. Again, Lilith probably doesn’t want to admit that her revered Emperor is actually a terrible person for threatening her, to Eda’s face. Lilith never explains her side of the story to give Eda some comfort, that at least Lilith had to be forced to do this; And she definitely doesn’t explain why the curse happened, for plenty of selfish reasons, alongside potentially not wanting to hurt Eda with that kind of knowledge of betrayal. When Lilith DOES initially confess, she does so out of spite; While Amity does it out of a sense of care.

Then there’s Lilith explaining her side of the story a second time, regarding why she cursed Eda; And while she tells it to Luz (because Eda isn’t there), it at least gives closure to the girl, who can later pass it on to Eda if Lilith can’t. It reassures Luz that Lilith isn’t THAT terrible, that she did mean well, or at least not nearly as terribly- And thus she can be counted on for wanting to fix her mistakes.

In short, Understanding Willow foreshadows Agony of a Witch, in that both episodes have a witch who’s forced to hurt their loved one, under duress of both themselves AND their loved one. Lilith and Amity both thought they were doing the best possible option in that scenario, while also protecting the loved one they were hurting; But in the end, they still caused pain, and neither Eda nor Willow owe them forgiveness. Similarly, Lilith and Amity don’t want to admit their side of the story, because it means acknowledging that they’re unhappy, that they’re being forced to do this and lack agency; And it involves admitting to others that the people they look up to in their lives, are actually terrible.

There’s also foreshadowing to Lilith’s flashback in Young Blood, Old Souls; And how an explanation shouldn’t detract from the apology… After Lilith confesses, she briefly insinuates (whether or not she believes it or if she’s just doing damage control) that her explanation would make Eda less hurt, and in many ways that makes sense… But it’s also clearly done because Lilith believes that Eda will be more inclined to forgive her, while with Amity, she doesn’t seem to expect much, if any sympathy… Lilith seems to hope that additional context will make Eda less hurt; But Amity knows that while Willow deserves context, she also deserves an actual change in behavior, whilst Lilith continues with trying to capture Eda, and even threatens Luz’s life to do so.

Lilith realizes this, and that’s why in Young Blood, Old Souls, she both gives her a long-due explanation for the curse, and THEN follows up by actually changing her behavior; Helping Luz rescue Eda. Because even if context is needed, it doesn’t make up for an apology; Actual changed behavior is also needed. When Lilith realized she first cursed Eda, she tried to change her behavior initially by finding a cure, but she didn’t tell the truth. Then when Lilith told the truth about the curse, she didn’t change her behavior and kept using Luz as a hostage, while trying to capture Eda; Only by doing both, by telling the truth AND changing her behavior, did Lilith begin to make things right with Eda. Now she’s begun to reconnect with her sister after so long… Thereby providing a happiness and closure that was long-due.

These similarities make sense, Lilith and Amity ARE narrative parallels after all! By the end of the day, they recognize that they still irreparably hurt a loved one, and shouldn’t expect them to be grateful that they didn’t hurt them as much as they could have; ‘For your own good’ does not justify hurting a loved one, even if that motive does provide more nuance and closure, as well as a reassurance that they weren’t hurt pointlessly, needlessly- At least, that was not the intention. Because knowing what happened and explaining yourself, let’s that person know they weren’t hurt for no reason, and that if there’s good intent behind actions; That good intent can be repurposed to be actually constructive, helpful, meaningful! Because they DO want to help, really, and they need guidance on how to do so- They’re not someone acting with planned malice, the way ‘jerks who want to debate aren’t coming from a place of intellectual honesty’, as Luz would put it!

And ultimately, I think it plays a role into why Eda will sometimes explain, upon questioning by Luz, her own thought process behind certain unusual ideas or teaching methods, as a reassurance that she DOES care and want the best… Which in turn shows Luz that Eda is willing to respond to criticism, because she’s acting in good faith, or trying to- And that means Luz feels safe to voice her own ideas, because she knows that Eda will legitimately take them into account, this time really, for Luz’s own good. It’s an open, honest communication, and showing that your loved one’s input really did have an impact. It’s why I think Lilith and Amity could really benefit to learn from Eda, because if they’d been more open and honest with those they cared about, been willing to reach out and admit that they need help- A LOT of issues could’ve been avoided. And while sometimes it can be too little, too late; Oftentimes it’s better late, than never.

#the owl house #toh #the owl house amity #amity blight #the owl house lilith #lilith clawthorne #the owl house willow #willow park #the owl house eda #edalyn clawthorne #the owl house luz #luz noceda #meta #foreshadowing #analysis

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inawickedlittletown · 3 years

Text

The Buckley’s - 4x04 meta

(This is almost 3k in length...and obviously spoilers)

The not so calm before the storm. This was not Buck Begins, but as a prelude to Buck Begins the feels evoked for one Evan “Buck” Buckley are already through the roof. How are we supposed to make it through next episode?

And I want to focus on Buck and only Buck for a moment because burned in my mind is “love me anyway”. Oliver Stark delivered that line with so much agony and pain etched on his face, with such a despair because it was so clearly the one thing he’s wanted to say to them for a long time. I am so glad that he got to. That he’s at a point in his life where he can say enough is enough and stand up for himself and say what he feels. This has been the whole point of his therapy storyline, to get him to this moment where the pretending falls away and he’s just Buck, completely raw, the curtain drawn aside to display it all.

I think the thing that gets me about Buck’s story here is that none of it is unusual or out of the ordinary. So many people grow up in homes where their parents are not good at being parents, with parents that don’t want to try at all, with parents that actively go out of their way to destroy their kids’ lives. There are so many forms of abuse and neglect and sometimes it doesn’t look like you think it should even when it is. Sometimes there are no physical signs of it, but it’s all internal leaving you with demons for the rest of your life.

For a while we’ve been hearing from Maddie: “They’re not bad people, just bad parents” and I wonder if she actually believes it? I wonder if she wants to say it enough to make it true. Because she’s wrong. They are bad people. They are bad parents. To both Maddie and to Buck.

Buck is quite literally only just holding himself together the entire episode from the moment that he learns that the parents are coming to visit. I think he loves Maddie too much to deny her much of anything, but he’s not happy with the blindsight from her. He decides that as long as he and Maddie are a “united front” they can do it and get through it. All of it is for Maddie’s sake because she’s the one that invited them and that wants this. If it were up to Buck, he wouldn’t be seeing them. He even says to Maddie that seeing them will mean he’ll need more therapy.

In some ways, I am upset with Maddie. I’m upset that in all her worry about Buck finding out the secret that’s been kept from him, she doesn’t worry about hurting him more. From the moment that she decided to call her mom and let her know that Buck was in therapy, to the moment where she tells Buck they’re coming, none of what she’s doing is about protecting Buck or protecting the secret. It’s about her. And I don’t want to place blame on Maddie because it’s clear that she’s a victim here as well and that her reasoning isn’t sound but really does make things worse for Buck. I don’t know if Maddie expected them to tell Buck the truth or if her intentions were to figure out a way to tell him with them, but it just doesn’t make a lot of sense that she invites them to visit when the visit is just as stressful for her and leaves her feeling awful. Unless she had convinced herself that this visit was going to be different and she really was hoping to turn over a new leaf with them.

Buck does deal with the situation by talking to Dr. Copeland and then he goes to the first dinner and right off the back it’s full of tension. Actually, the tension is there even before they arrive from everyone involved. And again, I question Maddie’s choices here. Immediately there is a lack of warmth in how they greet each other. Maddie does try and they seem almost fine at first with Maddie especially between their father and Maddie, but when it comes to Buck it’s on the awkward side. And then Albert calls Buck, Buck, and we see some displeasure from their mom. The whole nickname thing is kinda funny since everyone on the 118 seems to prefer nicknames, but it’s also this thing about respect/control in that any normal person, even if they don’t like nicknames, should respect what someone else wants to be called. I do appreciate that Chim just rolls with it and doesn’t make a fuss about being called Howard.

In the next scene we find out that the Buckley parents drove to see them in an RV. Mr. Buckley says that statistically speaking it’s the safest way to travel at the moment and considering the pandemic he isn’t wrong, but it is an interesting choice. One made worse when Mrs. Buckley goes on to say that they couldn’t take any chances because of Maddie’s pregnancy. The whole interaction is just laden with shots at Maddie and the camera even goes to Albert for a “wow” because this is not normal behavior. Chim tries to play it off, but Buck tries to defend Maddie and Mr. Buckley brings up Doug and Maddie doesn’t want to talk about it. Her father doesn’t press and then jumps on Buck and him going to therapy and I hate it so much that Maddie didn’t give Buck the courtesy of letting him know that she told them he was seeing a therapist. Albert’s little frown and Chimney needing to get away to the kitchen says it all. But then the parents decide to let the kids in on how they actually went to therapy to talk about Maddie and Doug.

I hated this moment for Maddie and how heartbroken she is to hear that they needed to have therapy for the trauma that she underwent. At the same time, though, they point out that she didn’t want to talk to them about it and I hate how the parents feel that Maddie should have put her own feelings and her own pain behind to make sure that they were okay after what she went through because that’s what they’re implying they wanted. And maybe this has been Maddie’s role in their lives from the age of nine. But the interesting thing to me is that Buck actually was the one to tell them about it and Buck says he didn’t want them to find out on dateline. In spite of everything, Buck still wanted them to hear about this from him than on the news, he gave them that courtesy. He cared enough to do that for them.

After Albert and Buck go help Chim, Maddie is left with the parents. We find out that Mrs. Buckley is shocked to see that Buck isn’t broken and not okay. She doesn’t know what she expected, but she didn’t expect Buck to seem so okay. Maddie tells the parents that she thinks he’s better at pretending than they knew and I don’t get why Maddie thinks that they even needed to know that? Buck is just trying to get through this visit, he doesn’t need his parents wondering if he’s doing alright when they’ve never shown that they’ve cared before. I don’t know what Maddie is expecting from them by talking about Buck with them. It’s like she can’t comprehend that they don’t care or that they aren’t there to help Buck.

The second dinner comes about after the call about the bomber and it’s clear that the Buckley’s have gotten the full story about what went down. Chim says something very poignant here in explaining what happened and why Sam did what he did: “he just needed someone to see him, someone to understand how much pain he was in” and if that isn’t what Buck’s needed all along.

This conversation veers into Mr. Buckley bringing up Buck’s many hospital stays. “From what I hear, Evan’s spent quite a lot of time in hospitals,” he says and the phrasing is not ideal. And the interesting thing is that in the conversation leading into this both Buckley parents — mostly dad — seem concerned with the dangers of their jobs. There is a level of care for their well being, but they don’t express it well and they also haven’t managed to show it. Buck jumps in to tell them they couldn’t have come seen for themselves and the whole thing feels like an argument they’ve had before. Did Buck call them after any of his number of hospital stays and ask them to come just to have his mom say she doesn’t like hospitals? Because the way Buck says: “You’re uh, you’re not good with hospitals” seems like he’s just repeating what she’s said to him in the past.

Mrs. Buckley says: “Not good seeing my children in them. You don’t know—” And this gives us a major clue. Daniel was either sick and in and out of hospitals or he died in one due to an accident. And I do wonder if in this moment Mrs. Buckley was about to just let the cat out of the bag and continue that sentence with a reference to what Buck doesn’t know or if she was going to give it away entirely. She doesn’t get to though because Maddie interrupts her and shakes her head and gives her mom this sad look like she understands that it’s hard for her. Buck looks between them with some suspicion but he doesn’t question it and Mrs. Buckley seems to remember herself and say nothing else. Again, I have to ask, Maddie what was the point of all of this? And this moment just screams out to me that Maddie really did not intend to tell Buck about Daniel.

The subject is changed by Mr. Buckley who asks about the box they brought for Maddie. Her baby box. And oh my god was this part of it painful to watch. In part because you can tell that Maddie is touched by seeing it, but even more because Buck who gets excited by the little things wonders when he’ll get his and he asks like there must be an answer, like obviously if Maddie gets one he does as well because he’s also their child. Their non-answer is answer enough. Chim saves the awkward moment, kind of, but it lingers on them because suddenly there’s this big gap between him and Maddie. She gets a baby box. He doesn’t. No one explains why.

Maddie is surprised they kept that stuff and I don’t know if it’s because of the death of Daniel or because of the way they cut her off due to her choice to marry Doug, but Maddie is clearly touched that they kept that for her. Yes, she’s not happy with their commentary about her mistakes and about why they felt they couldn’t show her support, but Maddie does not once try to defend herself. She doesn’t even want Buck to. But Buck’s had enough and not even for his own sake but for Maddie. Buck says, “maybe you never gave up hope. You sure as hell gave up on her” and that is the truth. Buck really does see them for what they are. He sees the pain they’ve caused Maddie and he sees what they are even when Maddie tries to stop him from saying anything at all. And I don’t know if Maddie is just trying to make the visit go peacefully or if she really doesn’t want conflict, but again it becomes a question of Maddie, why did you invite them?

But Buck stands up for himself. He tells them how he felt — how he’s felt his whole life and instead of taking what he’s saying and trying to apologize or make some attempt at explaining themselves, the Buckley parents ask Buck what he expected from them as if the idea of being a supportive, caring parent is so far removed from them. Mom even goes on to place blame on them for being difficult as if the two of them as children were too much for them to handle. Buck puts it very simply. “Love me anyway.” And it just hits so damn hard.

The next day, Buck has already filled in Eddie on what happened and he’s still angry about it. There’s no way to tell if he’s talked to his therapist about it, but from what he’s muttering about telling his parents how he feels, it does seem that he at least discussed things with Dr. Copeland before the dinner and that he did want to attempt a “fresh start”. Eddie is absolutely wonderful in this scene. He’s supportive, validating, and he is there in this almost quiet kind of way that just wants to be whatever Buck needs. I think Buck needed to hear someone tell him he didn’t need to apologize to his parents and I think it means a lot coming from Eddie. Also, it’s fun to see Eddie giving Buck advice like this when Eddie is not exactly the best with expressing himself. And Buck has come very far. Buck’s anger and his disappointment and even his guilt for what happened is completely out in the open. He talks to Eddie and even if it happened off screen, we’re aware that Eddie knows everything and that he’s in Buck’s corner in a way that Maddie isn’t.

Because while Buck and Maddie’s approach to the visit was to say they would have a “united front” and it starts off that way, they slowly stop being that the longer the parents are around. Maddie tries so hard to make everything go peacefully without conflict no matter what the parents are saying and she doesn’t hesitate to be open with them except that we don’t see her talk about herself with the parents, we see her talk about Buck. Buck on the other hand tries to keep things peaceful, but he’s grown up and he can stand up for himself and he can speak out and say what he feels. And he needed to. Maddie needed to as well, but she’s not there. And in the aftermath of Buck yelling at the parents, she is worried about him and calling him constantly and I do love how much they love each other, but again I just can’t help but feel like Maddie brought this on them.

We get one final scene with Buck and Maddie. Buck does apologize to her and tells her he’s embarrassed by what happened. Maddie tells him she doesn’t need him to defend her and yet I think everyone knows that she did because at no point did she make the effort to do so. Not to mention that it is her own doing that placed them both in this situation in the first place.

Buck begins to look through Maddie’s baby box and he comes across the picture of Daniel. Taken in 1988, four years before Buck was born, it’s a picture of a boy on a bike. We don’t know how old he is or when he died or anything about the circumstances and I think we will drive ourselves crazy trying to figure out the math, but Buck has found the picture and Maddie tells him who it is. The secret is out.

I do feel for Maddie. I feel for everything that she’s been through and how her parents speak to her, I feel for her having to carry the burden of such a secret. I feel for her when I think about how much she loves Buck and how despite everything she still turned out to be a lovely human being that cares about people and that intends to be a better mother to her daughter. I don’t think she handled any of this well, but I also don’t place the full blame on her because it all begins with the Buckley parents and their many failings and mistakes. And it will never make sense that both of their living children are such good people. But, Buck did not deserve to have to see them when he didn’t want to. He didn’t need this hurled into all the work he’s done with his therapist. And, he certainly didn’t need to find out he’s been lied to this entire time by not just his parents but his sister as well. I’m just glad that Buck does have a found family in the 118 and that he has somewhere to land and people that care and that he isn’t alone.

#911 fox #911 meta #evan buckley #maddie buckley #911 on fox #spoilers #911 spoilers #long post

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viriyanon · 3 years

Text

epilogue (pt. 2)

part 1 | part 2

after gathering so much energy i finally post the 2nd part. and this will be about our love fool, chief phupha viriyanon and how i learn a lot from him.

p.s this completely does have nothing to do with me being an earth stan, yes

to be honest, i dont really have anything to say about episode 10 due to my lack of experience in intense romantic affair. im not sure about the feeling of getting reciprocated so i can only enjoy phupha tian being two fools in love lmao. also, being a tomboy with 5, 6 male friends constantly surrounding me and taking different roles in my life is already enough for me so... romance is kinda my weakness.

since the beginning of this drama, i immediately felt connected more to phupha. at first, i didn’t know that their age gap was pretty far but then i learned about it and i thought, oh my that’s why. phupha is an old soul. i am also an old soul.

everything else just followed after the realization. the way phupha behaved towards a stranger who, additionally, was a supposed rich brat that would just drain his energy, the way he acted cool and tough as to assert his dominance over a newcomer but still panicked and immediately jumped into the frigid waterfall when someone he’s responsible for was not in his line of sight. phupha who couldn’t stand injustice. phupha who gave hard times and provoked tian all the time just to test his persistence, phupha who only gave his best smile and utmost attention to someone he cared about, phupha whose heart was actually soft and vulnerable because tian was his first in everything related to love and when his trust was broken, he scrambled back to build the thick-walled tower without stopping because he feared the only thing he had in life would be taken or destroyed, phupha who couldn’t admit what his heart really wanted and needed someone to fish it out of him. phupha who was ever forgiving and wise, phupha who in fact wanted a life companion and was a hopeless romantic, phupha who wanted the best for the love of his life even if it means sacrificing his happiness and risking his own safety if necessary.

phupha who was a guardian more than a lover and an older figure.

phupha is somehow everything that i am and will be in the future, therefore, my writings are mostly about him whose characteristic was not disclosed as explicitly as tian because it is a form of reflection. and yes, i know i took phupha’s side all the time, even when people were disappointed by his impulsivity. because i understand that feelings, to the point that i so was upset watching ep 8. i thought, “this is what i will do when im faced the same thing and maybe even worse but dude, it’s not right. ur supposed to be rational.” and i was stuck in confusion.

the existence of phupha makes me realize a lot about myself. that i’ve been so cold and reticent towards my own feelings and desire. if i allow myself to give no fck about what others will say about my decision without jeopardizing them, to put what i want to do instead of what i supposed to do on top of every consideration, maybe i’d find a peace of mind. maybe, i won’t be so fearful about failure and heartbreak and dissatisfaction in life. maybe, if i say what i exactly want, i will get exactly what i want. my thought indeed materializes.

also remember when torfun said that maybe phupha hadn’t found someone he loved so much when phupha said he didn’t want to see his partner in agony because he saw his mother cried when his dad passed away. at that moment, a thought instantly flashed in my mind. ah, so it is real. when you really love someone, you will try your best to survive and not die in some random places because you don’t want to be the cause of their sadness. you can’t be the reason of their tears and agony. and it’s what phupha hadn’t achieved, as well as me. maybe a reason to live is not only about an achievement. it can be as simple as someone’s existence or someone else’s happiness. but i can’t testify this yet. just, yet.

furthermore, i learn from phupha that i need a partner who can break me out of my boring routine and the said fortress, crack a smile on my face too by acting cute. someone who gives little surprises everyday, not presents but little things like their way of thinking, their reaction towards a situation, their story. someone who will ask me repeatedly if i really want this or that. someone who is sassy and daring yet loves to be taken care of. because phupha (and i)’s no. 1 love language is acts of service and if it’s not met, he simply won’t be satisfied and will feel jittery and uncomfortable for not proving something to his partner.

never in my life, would i learn deeper about love language if it’s not because of phupha.

to conclude, yes i talked too much about phupha it’s like exposing myself to the whole atots hypemen. im annoyingly attached to him, i know. but phupha’s appearance is so groundbreaking in my whole history of watching dramas. he’s so realistic, so grounded to the facts of existence, so straightforward, and it made him skeptical. but that didn’t mean he couldn’t and wouldn’t learn to change for a better of his life. when he finally opened up to change, he found a light. his own star. someone that he would want to see every night and day indefinitely.

im not tearing up writing this but aye sarunchana singing in the background really gets me into the mood. im reminded of so many dynamics in atots, how a thai drama that i side-eyed most of the time can make me feel again. not only towards my cold love life but also my regard to life.

#phupha #atots #a tale of thousand stars #1000stars #phupha you will forever be in my memory #thank you earth for bringing him to life

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mytwilightimagines13 · 3 years

Text

Amnesia (Book Two)(Part Three)(Alec Volturi(

Gift

The kiss got slightly rougher, and Maeryn pushed Alec against the wall, leaving small cracks on the wall behind him, but neither seemed to notice. The mixture of the burning of their hunger for blood and each other’s touch was driving them mad, and they needed more. Maeryn pulled Alec closer to her, not knowing her own strength yet. Alec groaned slightly and pulled away. “Carefull, amore mio. You are way stronger than me now.” He whispered in her ear. “Or maybe you just can no longer handle me.” Maeryn whispered back before giving him a playful wink. Alec growled playfully. Maeryn giggled and ran off, Alec following close behind her. Maeryn laughed as she felt the lovely feeling of the wind playing with her hair. Alec was close behind her and used shortcuts to try and grab her. But Maeryn pushed herself to go faster and use the trees to jump and give her even more speed. Maeryn could no longer hear Alec behind her, making her believe she had lost him. Maeryn laughed in victory and continued to run for a little longer. However, her moment of feeling victorious was short lived, as she soon was tripped and fell to the ground, making her and her attacked roll down a hill. Maeryn hissed and growled, but her attacker held her hands above her head. “Never challenge an older vampire, amore mio. It can be quite dangerous.” The seducing voice of Alec whispered in her ear. Maeryn relaxed almost immediately once she had heard his voice and smelt his lovely scent of rain, roses and sunshine. Alec moved his lips slowly towards her neck and caressed his favourite spot with his lips. Maeryn closed her eyes and lightly moved her head back, giving him more space to roam his lips. “Hmm, maybe I like to play dangerous games.” She whispered back, her own singing voice now slightly seductive. Alec growled slightly and kissed her once more, giving in to his lust. Maeryn smirked against his lips, knowing very well what she is doing to him. Their lips moved in sync as the quiet night was filled with the sound of their stone hard lips colliding in love and lust.

Maeryn rolled them over and pushed Alec’s arms above his head, just like he done to her just mere seconds ago. She pulled her lips from his and he opened his eyes, patiently waiting to see what her next move will be. “You were holding back before.” She stated, almost in an accusing kind of way. “Yes I did.” He said, a smirk around his lips. Maeryn was slightly taken back by this and Alec took his chance. He freed his arms and placed them tightly around her waist, sitting them both up with her in his lap. He placed his lips once more against her neck, lightly grazing his fangs on her now hard skin. “If I’d let myself go like I do now, I would have claimed you and drained you, amore mio. And I am too selfish to lose you. You are mine, for all eternity.” He whispered against her neck. Maeryn smiled. “And you are mine.” Was all she said before they sealed their small vows with a kiss filled with love. “Maeryn! You’re back!” Jane said the minute Alec and Maeryn walked through the iron gate that lead to the cave system under the castle. Jane ran up to Maeryn and kissed both her cheeks. “What? Maeryn gets a hello, yet your brother, who has been your brother for over a millennium might I add, doesn’t even get a glance?” Alec said, pretending to be hurt. Jane rolled her eyes before also kissing both her brother’s cheeks. Maeryn giggled “Hello, Jane. It is great to see you again.” “It has been quiet around here. You have been gone for at least a week. I hope you had a good hunt. The first hunt is always the most memorable.” Jane said as she smirked slightly a Alec, who returned her smirk. Their first hunt was one they would surely never forget. Maeryn frowned slightly, she could remember Alec mentioning his first hunt, but her human memories where quite blurry. “Now, come on. The masters are waiting for your arrival.” Jane said as she started to skip gracefully towards the throne room. Alec chuckled at his sister childlike behaviour and grabbed Maeryn’s hand. “Ready to become a true Volturi?” he asked as he kissed her hand lightly. Maeryn smiled. “Yes I am.” She replied and the couple followed Jane into the throne room. “Ah Alec, Maeryn! It is such a pleasure to see your return. I hope you had a good hunt, dear ones?” Aro said as he made his way towards the couple. He kissed both Maeryn’s cheeks lightly before turning to Alec to greet him. Aro shook Alec’s hand, reading his thoughts at the same time. Aro smiled and released Alec’s hand. “I see everything went well. And don’t worry, dear Maeryn. The first year is quite difficult with the thirst. I promise we will help you through this, painful yet exciting period of your immortal life.” Aro said smiling. Maeryn bowed her head lightly. “Thank you master.” She replied. “Dear Maeryn, we would be honoured to have you be a part of our family. And we are sure to use your abilities and gift to the full extend. Would you please accept our offer?” Aro asked. Maeryn smiled proudly. “I would be honoured, master.” Maeryn replied, knowing Alec and Jane had the same proud smiles on their mouths as Maeryn had. “Felix, Demetri.” Aro said, motioning with his hand. Felix and Demetri both stepped foreward. Felix was holding a dark grey cloak, identical to Alec’s and Jane’s cloaks, while Demetri was holding a jewellery box. Alec took a small step back, looking at his mate with proud in his eyes. Aro grabbed the cloak from Felix. “Thank you, Felix” he said. Felix bowed his head slightly. “Master.” Was all he said before he made his way back to the left side of the door. Aro turned towards Maeryn. He gently placed the cloak on her shoulders before clasping it shut. Aro turned towards Demetri, who had now opened the jewellery box, revealing a beautiful necklace with the Volturi crest made from pure gold hanging from a golden chain. Maeryn turned around and Aro clasped the necklace around her neck. Maeryn turned back around, feeling proud. “Welcome, Maeryn Volturi!” Aro exclaimed excitedly before returning to his throne while every member of the Volturi present in the throne room

excitedly applauded for their new coven and family member. And in that moment, Maeryn felt very proud. Powerful. She was now part of the most powerful coven in the entire world, and she knew that no other coven could possibly bring them down. They were too powerful, and Maeryn also knew that. In Alec’s excitement, he grabbed Maeryn by her waist unexpectedly and kissed her, right in front of the whole coven. Maeryn smiled and returned his kiss, wrapping her arms around his neck. However, a small cough pulled the couple back towards reality. “Alec.” Aro said in a fatherly tone, yet a small smile displayed on his lips. Alec cleared his throat lightly while Maeryn looked down at her feet, trying to hide her smile. “My apologies master.” Alec said as he bowed. “Not to worry, dear one.” Aro said smiling fatherly. “Just don’t distract her while she is training.” Caius said, as a small smile had also reached his lips. He had grown fond of the girl. “Now hurry up. Maeryn needs to be prepared well. Felix, Demetri, Jane and Alec, you know how to help her.” Aro said. The five vampires bowed their heads before making their way out and towards a training room. Inside the room, was a vampire tied to a sturdy pole. At a closer look you could see the vampire had been weakened due to lack of blood. The thought of that made Maeryn’s throat burn and she hissed slightly under her breath. Alec grabbed her hand in his and rubbed soothing circles on the top of her hand. Maeryn took a deep breath and relaxed, feeling the fire slightly lay down, but the irritating drought remained within her throat. A drought that never seemed to fully leave her throat, no matter how much blood she had. But it was a small price to pay for her immortality and abilities as a vampire. Not even mentioning the eternity she had with Alec. Nothing would ever separate them again. Once the vampire had noticed the five vampire’s presence, he started to fierce fully growl and hiss, while trying to release himself from the pole. Jane smiled at him and soon the vampire was screaming out in pain. Maeryn watched and felt very intrigued by Jane’s gift. “Now be a good help, and you will be put out of your misery soon enough.” Jane said sweetly before skipping over towards Felix and Demetri. “We are going to train your gift mostly. As that will be the most protection you can have. Focus on this man.” Alec explained. Maeryn nodded her head and focused her attention on the already weakened vampire. He was quite handsome, but not too handsome. He had dirty blond locks which were tied back by a small string of leather. His clothes where old and ripped. His oversized, white shirt was hanging from his fragile frame while the darkened brown trousers seemed to be slightly too small. His face was flawless, yet seemed slightly grey from the lack of blood. His onyx eyes only confirmed this theory. Maeryn tried to concentrate but wasn’t quite sure as to how her gift had first occurred and how the outcome of her would be, now that she was a vampire. Alec noticed her struggling and he gently placed his hands on her hips, placing his lips closely to her ear. “Imagine him being Diablo. Imagine what he has done to you and to so many people. Make him pay, Maeryn. Make him suffer.” He whispered in her ear. The mention of Diablo’s name made Maeryn rage with anger. Her right arm started to shake as she saw Diablo now tied to the pole instead of the vulnerable and weak vampire. Maeryn saw Diablo’s satisfied smirk and she lost it. Slowly her hand turned into a fist and the vampire screamed in agony. Cracks slowly started to form on his skin, and the sound of metal breaking could be heard. And before anyone could have jumped in, before anyone could have saved the vampire, he was no more. All that was left was the vampire’s clothes, covered by a pile of dust. For a short while, the whole room had been quiet. Maeryn stared the pile of clothes and dust, a pile that had shortly been a vampire. Then the silence was disturbed by a small applause. Aro and Caius had been watching from a corner, Renate

close by them. “Wonderful! Absolutely mesmerizing!” Aro said, a huge smile around his lips. Caius also showed, a rather rare, smile. “Your gift is truly inspiring, my dear Maeryn. Now I do wonder, Renate, dear one.” Aro said as he turned around. Renate took a step forward. Renata had black hair and was slight in build, being 1m52 in height. “Yes master?” she replied giving a small bow. “I am just wondering dear, if we may have finally find a way to break through shields. You see, Maeryn, Renata's gift is the ability to divert physical attacks. She repels them by implanting a thought in their minds to make them want to go in another direction, with a confused memory as to why they wanted to go there in the first place. Her repelling power is powerful but almost unnoticeable. Renata is also able to project her shield several meters out from herself to protect others. Now, I just simply wonder. Renate, if you’d please like to expand your shield?” Aro said. Renate seemed slightly unsure but didn’t felt any need to question her master. She concentrated and spread her shield to halfway into the training room. Maeryn took a deep breath and concentrated. At first she couldn’t see Renate’s shield at all, until she started to concentrate very hard and noticed a small, almost completely transparent spot, and Maeryn knew this was Renate’s shield. Maeryn took another, much unnecessary breath, and followed her gift. Her arm raised and her hand was stretched wide open. Maeryn concentrated hard on the spot she had found in Renate’s shield and slowly her arms started to shake once more as he hand slowly started to form into a fist again. Only halfway through closing her hand, something held her back. She couldn’t go any further. At first she thought nothing was happening but Maeryn did see very delicate cracks forming on Renate’s shield and she also noticed that Renate was having slight trouble by keeping her shield strong, as she gave another hard push which forced Maeryn’s hand to fully open again, taking the force away from Renate’s shield. Aro laughed in excitement and clapped his hands together. “My dear Maeryn. This is absolutely fascinating. Please, do keep practicing your gift. Renate, please do help her. This will be very useful in the protection of our family.” Aro said as he and Caius left the training room. Maeryn felt very proud and couldn’t wait to continue training her gift, feeling more powerful each time she could control her gift even better. And, even though she couldn’t crack Renate’s shield completely, it did leave cracks that where big enough for Felix and Demetri to break through and attack her, making her vulnerable to physical attacks. “Come on, that is enough for today, amore mio.” Alec said as he grabbed Maeryn’s hand. They had just finished training for over 10 hours, yet Maeryn still liked to continue. But looking at Alec and his slightly pleading expression, she gave in. “Alright.” Maeryn agreed and the couple made their way towards Alec’s room. Once inside, Alec closed the door and pressed Maeryn against it, taking her by surprise. But the surprise wouldn’t last for long as Alec placed his lips upon hers, claiming what was his. Maeryn gladly returned the kiss as she wrapped her arms around his neck, a small moan escaping her lips. This only made Alec’s ego grow as he gently placed his hands on the back of her knees, bringing them up to his lips. Maeryn smiled and tightly wrapped them around his waist, not wanting to let him go. Alec walked over towards the bed, not breaking their kiss once, and gently laid Maeryn on the bed, crawling on top of her. Maeryn smiled and unclasped his cloak, making it fall onto the bed. Alec did the same to her cloak and started to kiss her neck, and sucked on his favourite spot, earning him a sweet moan from Maeryn’s lips. However, before anything could escalate, Alec pulled away and looked into his mates bright crimson eyes with his burgundy ones, who also where quite bright due to the huge hunt he had just returned from. He gently stroked her cheek, to which Maeryn

responded by resting her face in his palm. “Whatever you want, amore mio. We can also wait.” He whispered softly to her. Maeryn, even with her newborn emotions, or more lack of them, was quite touched by this and felt a slight clear moment in her head. A moment that wasn’t filled with thirst for human blood or lust to her mate, no, a real clear moment where she could think straightly. Ofcourse she wanted to give in to his sweet touch, but would she want to do that while she wasn’t completely herself yet? How she was now was a vampire who was consumed by her thirst for blood and lust for her mate, most of her secondary emotions hadn’t returned yet, and would most likely not until her first year as a vampire. “You would wait for me?” Maeryn whispered back, placing her hand lovingly on his. “I have waited a millennium for you, I can wait a little longer. As long as you would like me to wait.” Alec whispered back, not wanting to hurt his mate in any way. Maeryn smiled and kissed the palm of his hand. “I would like to wait. At least until I am no longer a newborn.” She whispered. Alec smiled. “Then we will wait. Just having you in my arms is enough to satisfy my needs.” He whispered before placing his lips onto hers again. This time, giving a sweet kiss, filled not with lust, but with love.

#alec volturi #twilight imagine #twilight #volturi #volturi imagine #vampire

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marcholasmoth · 3 years

Text

OSRR: 2318

so today was kind of an important day for me. it didn't start out that way, but it wound up being probably one of the most important days of my life. maybe ever.

let's get to it.

i didn't get much sleep last night. (1) i just don't sleep well, (2) it takes forever for me to get comfy, and (3) i was up talking to the disaster group chat, trying to convince them to sleep. it was fine.

i got up on time though, and because i already scheduled the appointment in zoom, all i needed to do was click on the pop up to start the call, and i was able to work with my student for an hour and a half. she was definitely getting it by the time we were done working. i'm pretty proud of her.

after that, i popped in to my multidimensional calculus class's zoom meeting to talk with my professor. we chatted for about half an hour about things in general, about how my work is progressing, about how i'm doing in my other classes, school-related things and otherwise. it was nice to talk to her. she's fun.

around 1, i went downstairs and saw my parents for a few minutes before returning to my room where i was set up. i had eaten some food, and i grabbed my salad from the other day and i retired to my room to eat and work on math.

as i was working, i got a call from christine! my appointment was scheduled for today, of course, and i remembered that as i saw the caller ID say "no name." so christine and i talked for an hour or so. i told her about my empty days, and she suggested paying attention to if that happens again and what my stressors might be. i told her about thanksgiving and my anxiety that i always get. i told her about my schoolwork progress. i figured out that i was honestly pretty impressed by myself. while we expected my brain to boot up like it usually does toward the end of the semester, i'm still proud of the fact that i was able to do about two months worth of high-level math in eight days. she was proud of me too. as we continued talking, i brought up a few things that i had heard in the past - how a student once recommended me as a chemistry tutor to her whole class, about how our program director said they get the most compliments and praise about me. and it kinda hit me then, combining with this morning's successful tutoring session, that it was nice to be able to do something that helps someone and to know that the things i do matter to other people. i also brought up the lady from last week at the pottery place, who last week said "someone over there has a lovely singing voice" as i sang along to the radio. and i realized it was satisfying when other people enjoyed what i was doing, when i was doing something because i wanted to. so much of my life, i mentioned, has been some facet of "give everything to others," and i realized that i didn't owe anybody anything. i don't have to do anything i don't want to. i don't need to give in to other peoples demands, just because they want me to do something. and that sort of realization that you have control over what you do and the fact that you don't have to do something just because someone else wants you to do it, that's liberating. freeing. i leaned back in my desk chair and smiled up at the ceiling, bright and wide as i realized i don't live for other people. i live for me. and that's how we left my session today.

but that wasn't the only breakthrough from today.

later, after i had showered and then gotten dressed and worked on more math after determining it was difficult to focus on a problem while trying to hold up my towel (i just wanted to do math, okay? i was excited), i wanted to put my hair up and put my earrings on so when we went out to paint this evening i felt put together. so i went into the bathroom and i put in the effort to smooth out the bumps in my hair, so put in my earrings, to adjust my shirt.

and as i looked at myself in the mirror, i saw something i had never seen before:

someone who was confident. kind. smart. caring. pretty?? appreciated. not just appreciative, but also appreciated.

i saw myself. happy.

i looked in the mirror, and for the first time in my life, i saw something that i liked. loved, even.

i looked in that mirror, and for the first time in my life, i saw someone who deserved good things. who did good things. who is good things.

and that shattered my world.

tears immediately sprung to my eyes, and as i sobbed, i looked back at myself - that's me in the mirror, i realized - and i waved. i choked out a bright "hi" as tears continued to freckle my glasses, to stream down my cheeks that were pulled up in the brightest, biggest, most genuine smile i've ever directed at myself before.

the person i saw in the mirror was deserving of love and of good things, was kind and good and despite their shortcomings, was still worthy. and that made me cry some more.

when i returned to my room, i sat down to work on more math, but was interrupted by my momma, who came upstairs to check on me.

i told her all of my breakthroughs, about my successes for the day, and she said to me this: "i don't know what switch flipped, but you finally see what i see in you." and it didn't hurt. it didn't aim to break, or berate, or belittle. i saw it for the kind words it was: support. i saw them and i appreciated them, but i didn't need to rely on them. that was new. because of my constant and unyielding lack of self-esteem throughout my life, i've relied on the praise and comfort from others to keep myself together, to believe in myself because others believed in me.

but today?

i believed in myself.

and i think i began to believe in myself, too.

after another long hug from my mom, who spat angrily at the school that fucked me up, and after i mentioned my brain was likely fucked long before that, i went to go see lisa and casey to paint.

i didn't paint another mug, but i did get to pick up renee's mugs. and they look amazing!! (i'm so excited to give them to her. i think her gift is my favorite one i'm giving this year.) i painted a bowl today! i started with the idea of doing a midnight blue and a tangerine orange because that's joel's favorite color combination, but then i grabbed yellow because why not, and i found myself back at the table, at a total loss for how to paint my bowl. the past month and a half or so i've been painting, i've been using almost exclusively black and white because of the unus annus mugs i've done, so sitting down without black and white felt wrong! so i got back up and grabbed the black and the white and i sat back down. i laughed at that. i painted the inside yellow, and after lots of contemplation, i painted the outside black. i grabbed some writing bottles, and i made a swirly pattern on the black outside with the white, adding in dots where the joints were, either in white or yellow. i realized i hadn't done a design like my Classic Swirls, so i did that today. my hands shake a lot, so i'm okay that the swirls aren't perfect smooth. they never will be, and i'm okay with that. (radical self-acceptance?? what is this???) but i made the swirls on the outside, and did a small flower of dots on the inside in black and white. this left the edge - a mostly painted but incomplete ridge at the top of the bowl. i didn't want to paint it all black, as i'd have to touch it up and wait for a while, and i didn't want to paint it yellow because i'd have to remove a lot of black and clean off the edge and i didn't want that. so i took my white writer bottle and made dots along the center of the ridge all the way around, and then put black dots in between them. they ended up merging in a black and white snake that vaguely reminds me of dao's beetlejuice overalls, but it worked really well with it. i accidentally hit the wet edge a few times. the first wound up looking cool, but it wasn't uniform anymore so it bothered me. then it turned out i just made it worse. when i finally fixed it, we were getting ready to leave, and the strap of my backpack pulled at the same spot i had just redone and took off some paint and smeared the rest! the agony!!! so i just did it again. i also got the glaze off my backpack, too, so there's nothing wrong. the bowl's edge looks a teensy bit off, but i'm not perfect, so neither is my bowl. and that's okay. my hands shake, i knock things over, i'm indecisive. but that's okay! i'm not perfect, and i don't need to be. who i am is enough.

after we painted, we got dinner together, sitting at a secluded applebee's booth at 9pm on a tuesday. i ate super fast because i was apparently very hungry. we sat and talked a little bit, and it was nice to just sit without needing to focus on trying to keep my hands from shaking at very fine motor skills.

i listened to christmas music on my way home, and upon arrival, i made my way upstairs to finish up my math homework - the last two problems for today's section. i also rewrote my to-do list, which is more of a "what's left" list, as all of the remaining bits of homework are on it with due dates and stuff. at the top there's a few boxes with the dates in them from now to the last day of the semester, so i can keep track of things that way, too. i just needed my list to be clean.

i talked some more to the group chat, my beautiful disaster children with whom i shared my mirror breakthrough, and i helped one of them with some chemistry homework. chem is tough, but once you have someone explain it in a way that begins to make sense, everything else will click and fall into place. kind of like my math homework! which is honestly pretty easy, and that's something i'm grateful for. it takes concentration and focus, but it's easy to do if you're invested.

and for perhaps not the last time today, i am once again impressed with my brain's capacity to cram. but it's really not cramming - it's just learning a lot in a short period of time, but not intending to forget it. which is cool, to know that i can do it, but it's frustrating that i have to know that i can do it like that. if there's one thing i wish i could do about one thing, it would be that i could keep up with due dates in all of my classes instead of waiting until the end of the semester to get everything done at once.

but yeah. today was a really wonderful day.

and even better: i made sure joel and i will actually get to spend time together tomorrow because i'll have my homework done and he doesn't have anything scheduled, so i will actually get to spend time with him tomorrow! i'm so happy!

😊

#molly rambles #operation srr #osrr #2000s #2300s #sunshine boy #today was good #today was very good #christine is an angel #therapy is for everyone #loving yourself is cool #even if it takes you twenty eight years to start on the path to it #your own time is as good as any #take your time #you deserve the good things in the world #you are good #you are good enough #you are going to be okay #🧡

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