#mostly posting this bc i have so many mutuals i wanna talk to but im... nervous and shy. im just a lil guy.

[smooth-noob]

hey um if youre a mutual of mine (or not! if this happens to cross someone else's dash) tell me something that happened to you today in the tags :) <3

[veverydayisanewday]

is it rude to ask for the details on the pathetic ex oomf from your tags on the astrology post i'm so nosy 😭 no worries if you cant/dont wanna get into it

omg no im so glad for this, i cant talk abt this on twitter bc our mutual acquaintances still love her bc she hasnt shown them how she truly is yet. basically she was all like "im just a poor queer girl from a third-world country with a shit exchange rate" like that wasnt most of our friend-group back then (including me) weren't also from the global south

but in regards to astrology specifically, she was like the most performative person ever andwould play the matryr and act like she's the most accepting person ever even when it "hurt her so much" then immediately start vaguing the things she "accepted" and be like teehee what do you expect from a gemini <3 when called out etc and she'd promise to improve her behaviour but wouldn't since its #/just gemini things

also she was shit-scared of me bc her favourite people were best friends with me, and had been before her and even though i had her muted for the longest time and did not interact with her, she would genuinely freak out if our mutual friends mentioned me for any reason

there were many more awful things but bc it didnt happen to me/in my presence so i dont think its my place to bring those up

now for something i know is petty, she joined a separate group we had off the main chat SOLELY for self-insert/yumejo then would be supremely weird if we (mostly me) shared the same bias. also thinking of it i dont think she liked it that (at the time) we shared favourite seiyuu

oh yeah after the s*meru controversy in g*nshin she pretended she never played the game even though everyone knew she yumejo'd with ka*ya and continued playing it on her priv

yeah all i have are the petty incidents, the shitty stuff didnt happen directly to me

[slutnali]

Ask game not from an ask game, but could you ramble a bit on Jaida? I just kinda love her a lot and need someone as equally insane to talk about her.

ooohhhh Jaidaaaa !!!! im gonna have to put this under a read more bc its longgg and I could just go on about my beloved !!! also i wanna preface this by saying this is al over the place

I didn't watch s12 as it was airing [I hadn't watched s11 either, i stopped watching DR for a while] but I was still following all the ru girls from seasons I had watched, dr official accounts + dr meme accounts.. but anyway, as soon as the DR official IG page posted the 'swipe to see the s12 winner' and I swiped bc I am nosey even if by that point I had only known about the drama in the s12 cast.. but as soon as I saw Jaida it was love at first sight fr

I went to her IG and looked through all of her photos, she was so beautiful I had to watch drag race solely because of her.. I binge-watched s11 to get to s12 [dont ask me why, thats just my brain.. if I was gonna watch i had to be all caught up lmao] but I fell in love even more with her watching the season and all of her IG lives that'd been uploaded to youtube.

So ofc as someone who has been on tumblr for years and participated in the dr stan tumblr community from s8-as4?, I had to come back to my roots and created this sideblog.. I thought I'd find other ppl as obsessed with Jaida as I was but honestly.. at that time it was just me and a handful of others I quickly became mutuals with.. her tumblr tag wasn't as up to date/active so I would constantly be one of the few always reposting her stuff onto the tags.. pictures, videos from her performances, clips from lives, anything and everything bc people had to see how beautiful and funny she was. almost like i was determined for people to see what i saw in her eorngerif which might sound insane but anywayyyy

Getting back into reading dr fics was a bummer that she was mostly a background character but I get it from a shipping standpoint too.. it was all about crygi & jankie as those were the ships with the most content and traction. I would read fics because she was listed as a background character or halldoll was a bg ship even if I wasn't interested in crygi which was 9 times out of 10 the main story..

I could also get into a halldoll ramble but to not let this get longer than what it is, the few people that would write that ship are top tier, honestly. I do have a list of halldoll fic recs somewhere on this blog but those are the few people that in my opinion, capture jaida well and do her justice.

She's so gorgeous it's intimidating but she's one of the most silliest and charismatic bitches out there.. she's a sagittarius (one of the only good ones 😪) there are just so many things to love about her, and I think her personality shined more in as7 than it did in s12.. I mean that in a 'other fans finally realized that' type of way

also thanks for sending in this ask!

[sade-alicious]

intro bc ive been on tumblr for 3 years🤷‍♀️

Hello! So, my name is Sade (pronounced say-d, not shaw-day like the very talented singer.) I have no preferred pronouns, I go by whatever and I really dont care what people use for me, nor the frequency of what pronouns people wanna use for me.

I mostly post byler content. If I get into a fandom briefly then I’ll post a lot abt that for a bit, but byler is year round it has zero end💪

fandoms im in that i will gladly talk about with other people:

stranger things

descendants

the goofy movies

idk but fandoms i have been in but just not as active anymore is loki, south park, and trolls

favorite ships!

byler (obvi)

ronance

jancy

lumax

elmax

jopper

karen and joyce

malvie

maluma

jarry

jarlos (jane x carlos)

maxley

lokius

style

pls give me asks or dm me or ask to be mutuals! tumblr is such a kind place im sure so many of u guys are so cool🫶 (also my tiktok is @/bark.blvd if anyone wants to follow pls follow me i promise im funny)

[djsadbean]

how to improve drawing kinda fast:

ditch lineart for a bit (this way its easier to part with things that aren’t working)

use a REALLY thin brush

copy, copy, copy art you think is ✨art goals✨

don’t post that stuff tho :O

if you need to trace at first, thats fine lol but break away from that eventually!! you gotta train your eyes to draw what you see, spatial awareness is very important

copy hands, poses, expressions, anything you wanna get better at

don’t copy from refs that are way too simple to be used as a “master study”, like from the calarts shows etc.

copy from stuff thats kinda complex bc if you learn how to draw it in that complex way, you can always simplify it if you want ^^

im pretty sure this is how many of us have become obsessed with hip dips details LOL

if something looks off, flip ur canvas, mess with ur sketch, or even delete (or hide) parts of the sketch and try again. if you drew it once, u can draw it again. (erase or hold up the page to the light backwards if drawing on paper)

being cool with parting with your sketch if its not working will make you a better artist

youre allowed to frankenstein refs together lol (a hand from here, a mouth from there...)

if youre having trouble making your sketches look like theres actual shapes, try shading :D

literally the only reason i shade now is to show the shapes of objects in more of a painterly way (its not just for paintings btw, its just easier to describe it that way)

try new things that youre excited about like perspective, anatomy, blah blah

copy!!!! while youre copying it’s gonna be cool to see how much you remember when you try it on your own

scribble a doodle as often as you can, not like urgently, but like as something to look forward to (like how lots of ppl look forward to wordle everyday lol)

this list can apply to anyone but its fine if you wanna take some advice and leave some if it doesn’t work out. this list is mostly just to get you comfortable with sketching and learning, not performing.

I mention that “not performing” thing bc its easy to want to please social media platforms because that attention and validation can feel amazing! 

but its also addicting because many of us crave being in a community and talking to ppl who like the same things we do

there are many communities out there from artist youtubers, artist streamers, etc. and many of them have discords and stuff and it might be fun to join! and/or join fandom ones if u want ^^ 

that way you have something thats not bound by if ig decides to not show your post to your followers or something

there’s also lots of other platforms that aren’t social media based specifically for artist communities too!

with this said, please be safe! never give out private info and you’re always free to block/report ppl who make u uncomfortable or ask weird things. 

on the topic of being in communities... reblog art you like! comment the nice things youre thinking in the tags or in an actual comment! share art you like on your ig story!

firstly, this is great for making friends

secondly, the artist cant read ur mind so they don’t hear anything nice youre saying :(

comments can be so motivating!! hearing nice things from my mutuals about my art feels great bc of that authentic human connection we’ve all been missing for like 2 years now

if i see a mutual drawing something and i think “omg they did amazing with the expression!” i write it (ive also been told i leave comments as if im talking and its kinda funny to read sometimes xD)

its channeling “girls support girls” culture in a way lol we’re our best when we’re lifting each other up <3

luv ya, be safe!! and draw lots of things!! :D

add stuff that’s helped you improve kinda fast if u want too! if we put all our brain cells together we’ll be unstoppable heheh

[sun-pluto]

tagged by @ceyrann ty ♥️ this one looks very fun so >:D

Edit: original tag game by @nikolaiiy (sorry forgot to mention!!! 😓)

Why did you choose your url?

because it has a few meanings for me. 1) can be read as ‘sun to pluto’ bc i want all the planets in the url HAHA 2) one of my tightest aspects is sun sextile pluto 3) the sun and pluto contrast each other a lot and I just think that’s neat to put them together and connect them.

Any side blogs?

No, I have 2 accounts. One old one for aes, this blog is new and exclusively for astro/tarot.

How long have you been on Tumblr?

Since 2015. But I only got into astro in 2018.

Do you have a queue tag?

Nah, no need for it.

Why did you start your blog in the first place?

Honestly because I wanted to share what I learnt from astro and discuss it with people who were interested in it too! Also it was kind of in the moment and as a hobby.

Why did you choose your icon/pfp?

I took the photo of the sunset, and I just thought it fits the theme and url. Plus there’s dark and light contrast! So yeah it fit c:

Why did you choose your header?

I also took the video and made it into a gif because I found it pretty!!! It was raining in the nature reserve when I videoed the hill under the shelter, super soothing to me so I put it as the header.

What post is your post with the most notes?

I don’t remember and idrc enough to check.

How many mutuals do you have?

about 80. they’re aes and/or astro/tarot blogs but sometimes we’re mutuals just because we vibe tgt HAHA

How many followers do you have?

yeah this is going to be a secret for now because I have something I wanna do >:D

How many people do you follow?

103.

Have you ever made a shitpost?

Yeah, lots. it’s under #talking BFJFJF and I shitpost even more on my aes blog.

How often do you use Tumblr a day?

Oh boy basically every day but only a few minutes tbh unless I’m replying to people or reblogging! then that could take up to 2-3 hours. Mostly though Im rarely on any social platform because Im busy ;-;

Did you have another fight/argument with another blog?

Lol yes. On my aes blog too. Libra rising who 😭

How do you feel about the “you-need-to-reblog” post?

when it’s an important issue then yeah sure i’ll rb. Besides that if it’s about being cursed or having good luck or something inane that only tumblr ppl can relate to then idgaf.

Do you like tag games?

Normally yes! But sometimes it gets repetitive so I just like and thank the person who tags me but move on yknow? it’s nbd sometimes.

Do you like ask games?

Yup!!! I’m normally the one sliding into ppl’s asks asking them though HAHAHAHAHA

Which of your mutuals do you think is Tumblr famous?

I find this question very funny. As if they don’t know it themselves LOL.

Do you have a Tumblr crush?

Also a very funny qn imo. I don’t invest enough energy into someone’s blog enough to have a crush, but I can like ppl’s vibes on sight very very much. It’s an intuition thing >;)

I’m tagging @kkoumiii @neptuniant @faiirina @ukiyowi @fallign @umepnnn @rattaemin @thegeminigod @the-wild-candy and anyone who wants to do this! I find these very fun HAHA

[pluviophile-imagines]

🎉 NEW GAME: Introduce your mutuals to everyone and what do you think of them? 🎉

oooo interesting....... ok. as we all know i cannot shut the fuck up this is under the cut bc despite me having less than 10 mutuals total i also apparently decided to soapbox at the end so im uhhhhh very sorry. not sorry enough to edit anything tho LMFAO

first off i wanna say that i actually dont have that many mutuals LMFAO i only just recently (in the last uhhh three or four months, over the course of this blog which has been around for going on 2 yrs) started rlly putting effort into reaching out and making mutuals. im also only including "true" mutuals here, people who I mostly interact with on tumblr and not through discord, bc shout-out to @venexus @tay-is-writing @scotchtapehanta and @myherowritings yall r some of my bestest friends but we're not close bc we're tumblr mutuals! we're tumblr mutuals bc we became close through discord beforehand, and thats a big difference imo. also i wanna note that this is in chronological order! and i wanna say most of these blogs r 18+ because that's the content i tend to consume, so please please please respect their policies wrt interaction.

imma start this off with @cellotonins bc cookie is the first true mutual i made on this blog and what a first pick! theyre an absolute sweetheart, i adore seeing them on my dash, and im so excited to see where they'll be taking their new blog. rest assured i will be lurking in their inbox the whole time🧍

@andypantsx3 andie andie andie my beloved....... funnily enough i found her through one of HER mutuals when i was on a Jason Todd kick. and then i absolutely devoured her masterlist, and the rest is history. andie is the only person i will read oblivious reader from tbh, i adore her writing so much i cant even be annoyed JHABFJHAFBV and ma'am you have perfected the art of just the right level of slow burn & length of fic i applaud you

@ofmermaidstories merm! what is there to say about merm other than if u havent read her bakugo fic surrender (when youre ready) then what r u doing reading this silly lil love bomb and not that??? merm is going places lemme tell u. shes gonna publish a book and be a huge successful author and i will get to tell my cats as an old lady that i knew her when she was writing anime fanfiction.........

@wuhllow willow my darling my bakugo sister wife. i made that up just now idk if itll stick. absolute queen of bakugo characterization its like she n i share the same braincell wrt him. every time she makes a bkg post i commandeer it and add my 2 cents i just gotta its a compulsion..... everything she writes makes me wanna write more

@ihatebnha caitie's so fucking cool and if i get my way i will bully myself into her good graces. if u want good convo along with good writing, shes the blog for u. caitie if u see this brace urself im going to be friendship-courting you soon and that IS a threat be ready for me to hop in ur dms at any time

@saintdabi vic holy fuck i dont know how i managed to get them to follow me...... im still a lil intimidated by them tbfh i always feel a lil like im annoying them IUSHBDF but the takes??? the hot takes??? about like EVERYTHING from characterization/meta to just. talking about real-life bullshit on their blog...... im always sitting looking at the convos on their blog like "no lori u cant send in five asks thats too much" lmfao (esp bc im usually reading them the morning after theyve finished......)

@suguwu ALSO someone whose support is a mystery to me HBSDFUVH bee.... u know im a bnha blog right...... ik im working on that gojo fic but why r u here (im not complaining) bee is an absolute legend and shes going to fucking slaughter me with gothic romance geto when that comes out,,,,,,,, like deadass itll kill me. also someone who's a lil intimidating but in a "my older sister's cool friend" kinda way O.O

@izuukii scouts a lil bit of an outlier so disclaimer we did technically meet on discord through their 404 server! n e way ive only followed them for a week or so but im loving how eclectic their content is LMFAO scout definitely has a lil for everyone which is so fun. also i cant wait for nov to end so we can sprint together again bc i swear my writing production has more than halved with sprint bot out of commission......

and finallly adding @sipsteainanxiety on the end here breaking the chronological order bc i have known shay for almost two years!!! omg we actually JUST met up irl 🥺 it was so fun; she should technically be wayyy up at the top with folks i met through discord but we interact on tumblr so much i figured it was silly not to talk abt her. my OTHER bakugo twin flame, we ALSO share bakugo braincells and she's conditioned me into writing a couple hundred words on a certain fic every time i see ‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️ for which i am begrudgingly thankful

i wanna note now that i included literally ALL of my mutuals bc again i dont rlly have that many! that includes some who i've only just started interacting with & i might not know well, so if ur on this list and going "wait we havent talked that much why did she tag me....." thats why LMFAO im terribly sorry if it puts u off.

and here comes the soapbox. im gonna be honest, i think the culture of mutuals on this site is..... well, not necessarily toxic or unhealthy, because making friends bc of a shared interest is so fucking cool! especially if you're both working hard on it—writing is so much more fun when you have someone to support you and cheer you on, and bounce ideas off of. thats one of the reasons i decided to be more active and reach out more on here! i need enablers yall. badly. pls enable me

but i do wanna put out here..... theres a strange result from mutual culture where it feels like EVERYONE involved looks at everyone else and thinks to themselves "theyre all closer to each other than i am, they're doing it differently and im not doing it right" and that feeling sucks. it rlly does. so i guess one of the reasons im tagging people im not super close to is to reassure people looking at this that like....... im still figuring this shit out too. interpersonal relationships are fucking HARD, ya girl is autistic she KNOWS, so like. take it one step at a time and try not to compare the way you're feeling to the way other blogs project themselves—you dont really know what goes on behind the scenes, how much anyone truly talks to anyone else in DMs or otherwise. these are blogs! you're not seeing every aspect of anybody!

and i finish it off with hey! if u are someone i tagged that i dont know super well and r thinking "wow i wanna talk to her more" (or someone i tagged who i do interact with a bunch and just wanna get to know me better!) pls do! im friendly lol. and if i havent yet i will be jumping into ur dms at some point. thats a threat. its inevitable 👁️👄👁️ i just need to be in the right mood

[shygirlsimps]

How similar am I to the brothers and a mini rant about them idk

Not much to say for Lucifer, well actually a lot but ima shorten it bc it makes me mad (my previous post says it all basically), so I mean yeah it’s love hate thing with him I either wanna hit or hug him so he’s ranked either 5 or 6 out of the brothers gets bonus points for his daddy issues and being a dad who has a son with daddy issues hahahahahah Ima satan kinnie I will not confirm nor deny my issues with my dad 🥴👁👄👁💧

I mean ironically enough I do watch horror movies and ride rollercoasters even if I’m hella scared like even if Im so scared I wanna cry I force myself it’s weird I got issues, he’s my current fave, this tsundere dork is so adorable I wanna hug him so tight, especially when his brothers make fun him like stop leave him alone but I also wanna tease him and if he teases me back i would hit bc I have this issue where I hit people I like

I mean yeah he’s one of my kins and third fave, I just wanna tell him hes valid and I will gladly be an anime simp with him and cosplay and read manga and all that but our convos would mostly be us ranting or awkward asf bc I’m so awkward at first at least bc once I get comfortable I’m idk lol I got so many embarrassing stories like the one where I accidentally rejected a cute boy I liked when he was flirting bc I didn’t know he was or when I panicked and told the person I was talking to I have weak bones and he looked me up and down smiled and walked away

He is also another one of my kin’s and my first favorite but is now second, playing the game he immediately caught my attention and his backstory and daddy issues made me like him even more idk why I got issues anyways, we are so similar from being nerds to anger issues to piano playing etc, my whole family calls me a need just bc I read and get As well use to it’s been rough but they’ll never know they just think I’m being lazy now im just the awkward version of him that is super shy and has like two friends and no connections but ironically a lot of people know who I am I just don’t know them it surprises me when they talk to me I’m like I’m sorry who are you

before playing (just off looks) I thought I was gonna fave him femboys👀might also be gender envy I’m still discovering but idk I just didn’t maybe bc I’m so insecure shy and not liking emotions and he’s outgoing confident and touchy, but I still like him alot Bc like everything I’m not and opposites attract and I need him to help me come out of my shell and help with my skin care, Hell bring out my crazy that comes out once in while, his rank usually switches with Lucifer between 5/6

I mean he’s so sweet and nice it’s a little off putting to me, I really wanna like him a lot but I have trauma, plus just knowing he’s always (well not always but yk) working out or eating and is like 6’4 and super muscley is just like a no for me bc I’m disabled yes weak bones so even though I can walk dance and do normal things, i can’t do everything like run or jump and if I do it’s usually with pain, plus I’ma 4’10 (I thought I was taller but I’m not😭) 18yr old girl who’s been described as petite and fragile and quite frankly been given the kids menu one too many times it’d just be weird, also I got a love hate relationship with food I’m picky and other things like weight are a factor I thought about this too much hes ranked 7 I’m sorry Ik he’d be sweet about my issues but no

This sadistic mf who killed me I should freaking hate you but ima push over and for some reason you’re ranked 4, is it my love for purple stars the moon and the night idk but I get insomnia a lot so it’s ironic, but there’s something about him that I just like, I feel it’s my own trauma that makes me like him I mostly always like the daddy issues or edgy characters i mean Shoto,Dabi, Levi,Eren, Light, Zack. I just wanna lay down with him while he sleeps and I brush his hair and read or play games with him on my lap

I am done and if you read this all thank you now you know I’m basically a mix of taiga from toradora and hori from horimiya lowkey kaguya from love is war could also maybe be described as a little bit of Todoroki Bakugou and tamaki also excuse my mess of typing I hope it wasn’t too confusing

Anyways if you wanna be friends or Mutuals I’d be happy :))

[ladyvesuvia]

✧˖°࿐ 🍾 okay ves, this is not exactly a crush but rather a good friend of mine who I thought I liked for a little while (and may have, but not anymore), but circumstances and bad timing have made it clear that nothing will happen (and he has too... rip 🤟). but i was telling the story in the tags of my last post & i need to tell someone! he's a very funny guy and we're bickering all. the. time. like we genuinely barely talk in any way that's not back-and-forth banter to the point that our mutual friends changed his discord name to 'clara's lover' because of how much of an old couple we seem lmfao. but we do have heartfelt conversations when we're kinda... smashed at parties lol and it's like 4am and everyone is passed out and we're quietly talking and i've come to find out he's genuinely dedicated. like i didn't expect it from him but he's very sweet and attentive in his own ways - he's the only one who noticed i was Feeling Bad and checked on me, went to all the lengths possible to care for a friend of ours when she fell and hit her head... just an all-around surprisingly sweet and dedicated guy? and one time we were outside, it was 3am, i had stepped out to look at the stars cause they're my happy place when i'm down and i was feeling like shit lowkey. and he came outside with a few friends and i just started rambling about the stars and planets and constellations and how much i love them, and i was like, "i'm being so boring rn omg" but he just said that it was so cool i knew all of this? and that he didn't find it boring at all but rather loved it? space is super important to me so i was like <3 i feel Loved and Validated right this instant. later on we all laid on deckchairs and we were talking (with 2 other friends, we were 4 in total) and i remember drifting off to sleep in the middle of the conversation (at that point it must've been 4-4:30am) so it's all very hazy but they thought i was asleep and when it was time to get back inside he said, "i could carry her to her room" and i was like DO I PRETEND I'M ASLEEP SO HE DOES,,, and i was this close but they shook me a bit and so i woke up for real lol but it was one of the sweetest nights in my life and the moment i felt the most closure to all my friends and him in particular. rereading this it sounds like i am whipped for the guy but i'm really not, he's a sincerely good friend and we wouldn't work together romantically anyway so i backed down and i prefer it this way. but yeah this was my hot girl summer little romance daydream ♡ THIS WAS SO LONG SORRY AND IM GONNA HIDE BC WHAT IF SOMEONE I KNOW IRL SEES THIS

OMFG BABE I WAS SO EXCITED WHEN I SAW THIS I NEEDED TO HEAR THIS TODAY BECAUSE I’M IN KINDA THE SAME PLACE

he sounds so amazing!!! 😔 the clara’s lover is just so sweet and made me blush wtf ma’am you’re y/n right now- this felt so fun to read istg and him validating what you’re passionate about??? I LOVE HIM ALREADY AAAAAAAAA

HE’S JUST- AGH READING THIS GAVE ME BUTTERFLIES IN THE BEST WAY POSSIBLE!!! the late night talks- 🤧✋🏻 i want this omg a book based on this would be perfect xx

THE I COULD CARRY HER TO HER ROOM OMFG MA’AM I’D SAY MARRY HIM BUT- HSCNFJJRIWA IDK WHAT TO SAY EVEN JUST HE SOUNDS SO GREAT HE SOUNDS FICTIONAL BUT LIKE IN THE BEST WAY like he’s that one fictional character you want to come to life???? agh i have so many questions like do you guys still talk? are you still friends? is his discord nick still clara’s lover? does he like you? did- I JUST HAVE SO MANY PLS DON’T FEEL SHY TO KEEP SENDING THESE IN BECAUSE I’M NOSY AND THIS IS SO ENTHUSIASTICALLY THRILLING TO ME I GET SO EXCITED BUT WHY NOT ANYMORE :<<<

YOU SHOULD HAVE PRETENDED YOU WERE ASLEEP OMFG I KNOW I WOULD HAVE DONE SO AHAHAHAHAJAJJAWJ wym hot girl summer bESTIE THAT’S MAIN GIRL COMING OF AGE AESTHETIC LOVE STORY THAT DESERVES A HAPPILY EVER AFTER

don’t hide bb this made me want to rant about my similar one omfg u don’t have to read this i just saw a lot of parallels to this and i couldn’t help but sjhdejiw because you saying the “we wouldn’t work out romantically” literally broke me because i feel the same way 😔

i know i say i love angst a lot but damn it why can’t things just be easy and always have a happily ever after?2!/&2@ i told him about writing and he literally said that it’s cool and that i’m good at what i do omfg this guy!!:!:&2 AND WE ALSO HAVE LATE NIGHT TALKS like mostly 12am to 4am just laughing and stuff he’s just someone i feel comfortable with but just imagining what we’d be romantically sounds too unorthodox? idk i mean i do like him and i am in fact head over heels for him but the minute i think about us in the same place that the couples my friends are in, IT FEELS SO STRANGER-Y???

i mean he liked me since 2019 but has been incosistent and he confessed to me on the 31st of december, 2019 BUT I DIDN’T SEE IT OK I WAS JUS TRYNNA REPLY TO PEOPLE HAPPY NEW YEAR and i only saw it like just this june 26 where i replied to it and i said “whatthefuck HAHAHAHA” and he freaked out and said DELETE THAT DELETE THAT hdhdueie idk rlly he’s just so great but i don’t wanna ruin our friendship

PLS THIS FEELS LIKE MIDDLE SCHOOL ALL OVER AGAIN IDK WHY I’M KINDA ENJOYING IT

[troybarnesbucky]

tagged by @sabitchhh :)

Why did you choose your url?

troy barnes (community) and bucky barnes (mcu) are two of my fave fictional characters who happen to share the same last name!

Any side-blogs? If you have them, name them and why you have them

i do but I will not elaborate because I dont use it anymore and its a cringy fandom. the account was weirdly popular and I hate it lol.

How long have you been on tumblr?

on and off since like 2012-13, but ive had this account since 2018 or 19, I dont remember. 

Do you have a queue tag?

nope, too lazy to start one and dont care enough to.

Why did you start your blog in the first place?

I was lonely, didnt have any friends and needed a vacuum to scream into about my dumb fandom things. 

Why did you choose your icon?

donald glover is hot... next question.

Why did you choose your header?

was too lazy to make a cool one and I found this edit that went well with my theme so.

What’s your post with the most notes?

nothing fun lol its my post about sarah halimi and how antisemitism is ignored by everyone. 

How many people do you follow?

303 but I'm constantly unfollowing and it seriously went down after the increase in antisemitism on here. also most of them are inactive anyways. 

Have you ever made a shitpost?

I don't know what counts as a shitpost but probably?? I would say I used to on my side blog but I mostly reblog or vent on here. 

How often do you use tumblr?

sometimes I'll go a day or two without checking, but I deleted insta and tik tok on my phone so I've been on tumblr a lot more. 

Did you have a fight/argument with a blog once? Who won?

actually yeah I have but it was awhile ago, it was about antisemitism and I reckon I lost because I essentially left the fandom because of it. 

How do you feel about ‘you need to reblog this post’?

fucking annoying, a symptom of this performative activist mentality that has been so pervasive online in the last few years and I hate it. 

Do you like tag games?

yeah I love talking about myself im a jewish virgo, but I always feel so embarrassed when I do them and tag other people bc I feel like im bothering them :/ if I ever tag you and you dont wanna be tagged anymore pls lmk !

Which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

a few ! but also I had a lot more mutuals that I unfollowed bc antisemitism that were pretty popular accounts. 

Do you have a crush on a mutual?

I haven't had a crush since 2013 lmao but lowkey yes, on a few <3

Last song you listened to?

45 by bleachers ! psyched for his new albummmm.

What’s your phone background/lockscreen?

a collage my friend made me that matches my phone case, it’s cute but a bit cringy and I'm never getting rid of it. 

tagging @pointeful @smores100 @labelma @kosher-catboy @officialhannahmontana @malka-nediva @moodyyehudi @afterafternoons  @gfbucky and of course anyone who sees this and likes talking about themself as much as I do lmao 

[wesley-2015remaster]

uh sab @sgtstrawman tagged me so lets go

why did you choose your url?

uh. its my name + also i was listening to a lotta new order at the time specifically age of consent which was remastered in 2015 so. i just merged the two

any side blogs? if you have them, name them and why you have them

this IS my side blog lmao,, my main is @autmnalmanac i mostly keep that one art related stuff but sometimes i accidentally reblog stuff there or purposefully reblog stuff to keep my audience on their toes hehehe

how long have you been on tumblr?

uh since like 2015? but this account has only existed since like late 2019/early 2020 probably

do you have a queue tag? no bc i dont understand queueing here we spam the dash like men

why did you start your blog in the first place?

wanted to keep my art all in the one place so its easier to find it so i made this blog to reblog unhinged content relating to the goldfinch

why did you choose your icon/pfp

uh. cowboy paul. bc idk i think sticking a cowboy hat on paul mccartney makes him gender af. hes not even my favourite beatle lmao george is.

why did you choose your header?

it just matched the pfp idk

what's your post with the most notes?

uhm its probably this one deranged ass post i made after finishing the secret history. i was really just rambling about the ending but for some reason ppl keep reblogging it every now and then

how many mutuals do you have?

idk i dont keep track shdgjsgsjg

how many followers do you have?

on this account? like. 60.

how many people do you follow?

on main like. 120.

have you ever made a shitpost?

i think every original post on this acc is probs a shitpost

how often do you use tumblr each day?

uh i usually scroll thru in the morning like its the morning paper and then in the parking lot before work bc im bored

did you ever have a fight/argument with another blog once? who won?

i dont think i interact with other people enough to have fights .. the kinda shit i got into on instagram though ..... some of the funniest fights ever

how do you feel about 'you need to reblog this' posts?

i hate them i hate them so bad.

do you like tag games?

yes bc i love rambling online n i love talking about myself

do you like ask games?

yees i love attention <3

which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

idk bruh im into the fucking monkees that fandom is small af

do you have a crush on a mutual?

maan i do not interact with people enough to have close friends here let alone crushes

uh not to be That Guy but uh tagging ppl in these things scaaares me 🧍‍♂️ and i do not know who to tag. so uh. if u wanna do this just pretend i tagged you i wont mind

[kashimos-hajime]

Hi! So I have a question, I’m a new writer to some fandoms and I was wondering if you had any advice on how to become a more well known writer / achieve more notes on works as a new writer in fandoms. I love writing and I really don’t put my stuff out solely for notes but, when I put effort into fics I just wish more people would reblog or comment, and I just wish I knew a better way to make my blog “bigger” or more well known :/

hi!!! welcome to writing for fandoms. it ain’t much but it’s fun. here’s some advice i can give to you below the cut :) this is all my opinion/my experience so keep that in your mind when you read.

1. tags are your best friend: exploit every tag relating to your content as possible. only the first 20 show up in the tags when people search them up so use those wisely. after you post, it’s also a good idea to just check that it showed up in the tags. most of the time, they do but it’s just good to double check.

2. links kill your posts: unless you’re certain that your stuff will show up, more often than not, links to other posts/websites will cause your post not to show up. it’s stupid but it’s how tumblr works now which is really annoying.

3. participate in writing challenges: a good way to get your name spread is by participating in a lot of writing challenges and to keep track of which ones youve entered. besides being an incredibly nice way to get feedback, more people see it. it’s also really fun to write with a specific prompt or song in mind.

4. interact with your community: if you have time, read some fics and reblog them, follow some other writing blogs. i have mutuals that i don’t talk to but i greatly enjoy seeing their blog on my dash and i tag them in things im tagged in for games. i try to respond to most of the reblogs/comments i get and all the asks i receive. if you think you can handle doing requests, inform your followers that they’re open and have them send stuff in or reblog prompt lists. don’t be afraid to be who you are on your blog bc most of the time, people follow you for the writing but there are a few who follow you for who you are as a blog owner as well. it’s about the personality too. sometimes, you can remind them at the end of the fic to leave a reblog/comment just to remind them after they’re done reading :)

5. keep an updated masterlist or a place where someone can find all your stuff easily: this is including drabbles, headcanons, etc. someone is more likely to follow if they know they can find your masterlist post that could be linked in your bio or a certain tag they can search up to find all of your stuff. it’s just easier to navigate. make it easily accessible!

6. timezone reblogs: SUPER helpful because when you post, only a certain amount of people will see it due to timezones. i normally reblog every 4 hours and schedule them onto my blog to be posted while i sleep as well. this is super helpful for keeping your work rotating through different tumblr user’s blogs and reach more people who might not have seen it otherwise bc they were busy, asleep, etc. also helps keep your work in the tags bc it boosts your notes. (i have examples of how i do timezone reblogs. you can search it up)

7. it’s your blog: write for whoever you feel like, in whatever genre, and do whatever you want. don’t be afraid to be multifandom and don’t think you have to write for a certain character or under a certain word limit for it to be successful. although there are certain popular characters that people are more likely to read and readers often like shorter fics full of fluff and smut and such, you can write whatever you want. i write angst A LOT even though my fluffier fics have done better. and that’s what i think is my trademark: super long fics and a lot of angst. it’s up to you to do what you want which leads to my next point.

7.5. remember that you can curate your own style and niche for your blog. if readers know you write for these characters, know your interests, they’ll be more likely to follow you. for example, i’ve gained more harry potter-related blogs as followers even though i have never posted hp writing on here that was like a one-shot or anything. i’ve just started reblogging hp content recently. some of my followers reblog the witcher posts that i reblog as well. some followers dont even follow me for my writing.

8. on a more aesthetic note/relating to 5: keep your posts tidy. make sure they’re fomatted correctly bc pasting from your writing app to tumblr is sometimes hell, and just make sure you always doublecheck your work. no one wants to read a big chunk of text or paragraphs that are single-spaced. there’s the trend where writers often add gifs/pictures to their posts which catches a reader’s eye and helps with the visual.

9. it takes time: don’t keep your expectations too high. sometimes, the thing you work for months on won’t do well and other things you worked on for like 20 mins will do extremely well. that’s just how life works sometimes. lately, tumblr has sucked at keeping likes/reblog ratio even at all and mostly, you’ll get more likes than reblogs/comments. it’ll suck, but at the end of the day, they’re the consumers. they respond to your fic how they see fit. but you’ll grow. sometimes you’ll have bursts of followers, sometimes they trickle in. mostly, once you get rolling, you sometimes get those bursts after you post a fic and people begin t o see it. lately, i’ve been getting a few followers a day and it slowly builds up. seriously, don’t worry about the “followers” number even though sometimes it’s all you can think about. one day, you’ll check and be pleasantly surprised by how many people follow you.

10. it’s mostly how much you write sometimes: i’m sure if i posted more i’d gain more followers but as it is, i write like one fic a month bc they’re normally on the longer side and burn me out pretty easily since i work on other writing projects beside the stuff i post on here and i am a senior in high school who is just tryna graduate at this point. potential followers like a blog that puts out work. however, this doesn’t mean force yourself to write. if you wanna get big, you also wanna present quality work that you’re proud of.

11. i’d say lastly, though this is not so important and therefore the last but not least platitude falls flat here, is that keep your blog active. i do this by keeping a queue running from 2am to 12pm aka from night to day. it’s just nice to be a presence on your followers dashes which keeps you present in their minds.

this is all i could think of but i hope this helps!! if you have any more questions, need any clarification, or anything of the sort, please don’t hesitate to send another ask or pm me.

[fart-gate]

SG1

Season 4 episode 22

"EXODUS"

Notes by me

- PREVIOUSLY - tanith is a little bitch and killed his own mommy!!! r00d, the tokra are using him as an On Purpose Bad Game Of Telephone, apophis still exists despite my many angry vibes I give to the tv screen, rip to the sg1 robots you guys were real ones😭, TEALC MURDERED CRONOS AND I SAY THATS MY BABY AND IM PROUD

- its so weird when the tokra talk and its their deep james earl jones voices

- JACOB whats up babe its been a minute

- love this. They str8 up telling tanith he wasnt fooling nobody and he 😦

- poor Hebron his host??? I didnt even remember his host is being used

- this guys smirk needs to be punched off his face

- oh here we go. Tealc about to break all the rules and strangle tanith in his cell

- sokar, seth, hathor, heru'er, cronos, incredible, amazing, show stopping, brilliant, never been done before ,

- tealc: cant wait until you die

- I hope tealc boasting about taniths inevitable death doesnt awaken anything in me

- Jack not trusting the tokra and keeping an eye on the ship. I agree they be blowing shit up for kicks in here

- "protect earths phat asset"

- we've gone 4 season without a cool space ship pls im suffering

- the tokra are acting like its the hardest thing in the world to kill goaulds and yet they have those stupid opium dens that they go to and get high and are vulnerable and just assassinate them there you idiots

- he used their respect for the host against them *fake gasp*

- their alarm sounds like its under water

- "hes boned without water" why do you speak like this

- "how do you guys know where to stand?" AOSDJEIDND I WAS WONDERING THE SAME THING

- hello daniel its been 12 minutes and youre just now having lines

- love these sand camo uniforms btw

- sam: this sun is the biggest strongest shit youve ever seen

Jacob: and its time to do what we do best. Wheres my c4

- are they gonna crash my new space ship into the sun :\

- P3W 451 was the black hole planet

- isnt sg10 still slowly dying there....

- pour one out for sg10

- "Vorash is barren!" Wrong!! I saw some twigs

- daniel: good news tealc we're gonna blow up the sun

Tealc: #depression

- love the connection and mutual hate of the goaulds between tealc and Daniel 💖

- mostly bc they both have personally lost loved ones to them

- when he asked Daniel of he would choke the life outa apophis if he could and daniel admitting he has thought about it. And on your left,folks, you can see me WEEPING

- "shotgun!" He looks good in the captains chair

- "setting course for the sun" -icarus, probably

- they just be creating black holes everywhere willy nilly

- space gate!! It looks like a big frisbee

- weapons are so pointless when yoy have to charge them??? What if you get shot with a missile while your shitty guns are Charging??? Abysmal space ship design

- the light reflecting off daniels glasses✨

- tealc dragging Jack on his revenge mission

- btw tealcs winged eyeliner??? Girl oh my goooooood

- when Tanith sees Jack and tealcs ship on a collision course towards him. Not so smirky now are you shit head

- why does jacob think everyone is expendable!!!! Reevaluate your life!!!

- jack: they don't love us and they probably left us here

Tealc: wanna bet

- any time Daniel is near a computer his brains cells start dying

- Jack and tealc give off such good besties vibes!!!!! Jack is yammering on about how he was right about everything and tealc is just like so true bestie.

- FUCK

- apophis rocking the phantom look I see

- I dont give a shit about apophis but tealc is on the ship and nobody cares???? You gone just let him blow up????

- "I think hes dead" :(

- WE'RE IN A DIFFERENT GALAXY??? IS IT THE ASGARD GALAXY!!!

- oh thank god. I never thought id be happy to see apophis ship but i want my beefcake back

- oh fuck that ship is huge

---to be continued---

~

Tealc whump: staff blast to back,unconcious, dragged

Jack Oniell whump: shot by zat , gunfight , shot at

🎶listening to Staring At The Sun by Post Malone 🎶 I love this song and it has to do with the sun okay??? Dont @ me

[bangtanata-blog]

Misha’s 100+ followers’ follow forever thing ft. Gudetama, a lazy ass 2 min edit done with shaking hands, suggested by Jenny and actually done after a pep talk with Heena.

I can’t really talk about how happy I’ve become after knowing about BTS and actually becoming their fan, bc some of their songs do... help, in a way. Like, 21st Century Girls, So Far Away, 4 O’Clock, Miss Right, etc--they have.... helped me, in going through some days. I just had a bad week, month, whatever, and I was a bit stupid today bc I researched some stuff that probably shouldn’t be researched... So I thought that maybe doing a positive thing will help today after hours of listening to music proven unsuccessful.

So... here it is, a list of people, both mutuals and non-mutuals. I’m sorry if my mention annoys you or bothers you, especially if we’re not mutuals. But I just want to let you know that by making these mentions, I wanna voice out how your presence in my dash actually help me a whole lot, and that is why I’m still upset that Indonesia has tumblr blocked.

bold - mutuals / normal - non mutuals / the list is not in alphabetical orders. i will mention mutuals first. / all mentioned people have something written for them. i’m sorry if some are too long or too short. jsyk i love you all.

@clairelions​ 💜 chiara 💜 thank you for following me back that day, it made me scream internally and eternally; i was really happy when i found out about it. i really look up to you! not only bc you’re older, but you’re also nice and sweet, not to mention polite, and i really aspire to be as kind as you someday. sometimes i still laugh at my mistake in sending that anon message without clicking the anon button, but it’s really sweet over how you take it so calmly and even still accepts my anonymous messages when you know that it’s me. i love your edits, i love your jikook aus, your hogwarts aus (the hogwarts aus have a special place in my heart... i haven’t forgotten that i want to write a fic for it someday!) and many others. i hope your redbubble stuffs get more purchases, and that you’ll have a great day, don’t forget to stay healthy and hydrated. ilu 💜

@yoonkia​ - So, this is the nice thing I was talking about. I like making people happy, so this is okay, I guess. The gudetama was made in a spur of moment and tbh Gudetama is a Huge Mood but anyway, thank you so much for messaging me. I didn’t think anyone would, and I didn’t even know why I made that post. I only realized I was shaking when I saw your message, thank you. (Also, I’m more eloquent now. This is actually how I talk usually!! dhklslshd i’m sorry you had to see that strange me). I actually really like seeing you on my dash, and I’m??? always happy to know we’re mutuals even tho we barely talked dshjkfjd I hope that we can talk more;; you need to know that i’m usually funny //hEH. again, thank you 💜

@jvnckles - jENNY HAHAHAHAHA I DIDNT END UP USING MY SKETCH OF TAEHYUNG IM SORRY BUT I HOPE YOU LIKE THE GUDETAMA ANYWAY WWWW 💜 Jenny jenny jenny ilu it’s such a happy coincidence when i saw you on Fahreen’s blog and when I found out you’re Indonesian I just have to follow you bc!!!! aaaa!!!! I don’t regret it one bit you’re such an angel and ilu and dont let mean pouty anons get in your way, you’re amazing and lovely and you deserve a lot of good things in this world hun 💜 i wish you the best of luck with the upcoming college days lmao i hope you dont suffer like i do 💜💜 ilu nak stay strong yah wwww

@jungcock - miaAAAAaaaa we don’t talk much but youre!! such!! a blessing!! in my dash your tags are funny your text posts are funny and your fic is great ilu even tho im worried about your health bc you’re high sometimes when i see you on my dash (it’s mostlikely a culture shock-- since we don’t really get high here. it’s basically illegal anyway) but you do you, buddy, just stay healthy and safe ok?? your writing gets me motivated to do some actual writing myself lmao i hope my weakass self can actually update something soon. ilu 💜

@kookieholic - i dont see u a lot in my dash... it’s probably a timezone thing :c but you’re a sweet sweet person and ilu and thank you for existing i hope we can be friends someday 💜

@cyphertaehyungie / @kikiwho - !!!!!! i’m still amazed that you’re... following me, tbh. I love your edits, i love your posts, you sound like such a sweet person and hdsshk yeHA thank you! 💜

@hosehok - 💜💜💜 We havent talked in a few but I always get pleasantly surprised whenever I see you back on my dash. Thank you for existing, I love you.

@kimtaehyungl - You’re a constant presence in my dash; it would seem weird for me if you’re suddenly not there, tbh. I love your posts, I love your contents and your tags and honestly thank you for brightening my day, every day 💜

@taegayhyung - I don’t see you a lot too :c A timezone thing? Mostlikely. I’m sorry we never really talk, but I’m sure you’re a gr8 person 💜

@faenam - I screamed when you followed me back, still scream when I see you on my dash. You’re so... chill sometimes and actually cool but also you’re??/ cute? I don’t know how to say this properly? Am I being creepy??? dhslsgjdks anYWAY thank you for being on my dash, I love you and your contents and I hope we can be friends 💜

@taehyungtrsh - bABY (i dont know why I said that, but oh well?) thank you for following me back and thank you for interacting with me whenever we’re able to! I’m too shy to really send anything else other than asks but you’re honestly very kind and fun and just!!! thank you, you made me feel at home and at ease when I first started this blog and you made me feel like I’ve made friends in this fandom. Thank you 💜

@hobisuki - 💜💜💜 First of all, I wish you the best of luck in your upcoming college years. I’m sure that whatever path you choose you can find something good out of it and that you’ll flourish; it’s okay even if it’s not your first choice, it doesn’t mean you’ve lost your path to a bright future. There are other pathways you can take and it’ll lead you there nevertheless. Tbh wow I can quote something from So Far Away right about now lmao but yeHA goodluck bb i’m sure you can do it!! Thank you for following me and thank you for brightening my dash, ilu 💜

NON-MUTUALS MENTION START HERE

@booptaegi - Hello! First of all, I’m sorry if this mention bothered you or anything; I just want to tell you that I love seeing you on my dash, your contents make me smile and sometimes your tags make me laugh. I love.. the taegi contents..... (I just love all ot7 dynamics but dsjkhd shhhh ilu) I hope that you’ll have an amazing day today; please don’t forget to stay healthy and hydrated, don’t forget to eat! 💜

@jhsmixtape - Hello, I’m sorry if this mention bothered you or anything, but I just want to let you know that sometimes i come in the form of an anon I love seeing you on my dash. You’re funny and your interactions with your mutuals and anons make me laugh everytime! Your tags and your text posts and others are so funny as well, so thank you, thank you, for making me laugh 💜

@yoonseok - hello, I’m sorry if this mention bothered you or anything, but I just want to let you know that I love seeing you on my dash. Your gifs and contents are top notch, and you’re actually nice and p relatable dsjkdfj I’ve seen some mean anons bothering you before, and I want to tell you that whatever they may say about you, please know that I do appreciate you and like seeing you on my dash, and that although you seem awkward and super blunt, you’re actually p sweet :’) Please don’t let the anons drag you down. You’re a kind person and you deserve many good things. Please don’t forget to eat healthy and stay hydrated (as a side note though... make sure never to take too much water again :’D), I hope you’ll have an amazing day!

@jimiyoong - Hello, I’m sorry if this mention bothers you! I want to let you know that you’re a sweet sweet person esp whenever I see your interactions with the anons, how patient and mature you are, etc. I love seeing you on my dash, and as I mentioned above, your presence actually makes me happy sometimes. Thank you 💜 I hope you’ll have a nice day, please don’t forget to stay hydrated!

@vanillalattaes - 💜💜💜💜 Okay you probably already know who I am thanks to my name HJDSGHKSJD aNYWAY yeah I can’t believe this is the Grand Reveal but hey at least it’s not a stray message like how it happened with Chiara dhsklsk Hello, it’s me, Cappuccino, and no pressure over finally knowing who I am (as in you don’t have to follow me back if you don’t want to!!!!). I’m sorry if this mention bothers you, but I just wanna let you know that I’m really really happy to have you as my friend, Fahreen. I can’t stress this enough, I’m so happy to see you on my dash, mostly it’s bc I know then that you’re healthy and safe 💜Thank you for listening to my rants whether that one time on the rabbit site or through the anonymous messages. You’re a genuinely kind person and I’m happy to have you as my friend 💜 You make me happy and feel loved and honestly you’re one of the reasons why I’m so content in staying in this bts blog and in this fandom overall. I love that we both love spicy foods, I love that we can bond over cake. You’re a sweet, sweet person and I hope that you’ll have a nice day. Please don’t forget to eat and stay hydrated! Thank you Fahreen, you’re appreciated!!!

[glitchlich]

will @gamgee tagged me to do this but its long and not many of my followers are gonna bother reading it so I’m just putting it under a cut

any mutual can feel free to do it if they want I’m not bothering tagging specific people

Nickname: “bats”, any “m” name when someone cant remember mine, mostly “mitch”, “spiderman” back in high school Gender: dude Star Sign: capricorn Height: 5′10″ or 11″ Time: times not real Birthday: january 5 Favorite Bands: talking heads, oingo boingo, senses fail Favorite Solo Artists: the ugly facade, perturbator, trevor something Song Stuck In My Head: it ping pongs between different eurobeat songs Last Movie Watched: unless I watched something on netflix and cant remember, I saw shape of water with @windowlicker Last Show Watched: harmonquest When did I create my blog: fuck if I remember I think it mighta been right before summer of 2011 What do I post: eclectic mix of shitposts, my aesthetic, and art references Last Thing I Googled: the picture of the little girl saying “why not both” for a reaction to a friend’s facebook post Do you have any other blogs: an art blog that’s linked in my blog description and a sadboy blog that I only give the url to mutuals whomst I trust and love, but that one hasnt been used so much since I’ve gotten a better handle on my depression Do you get asks: only from mutuals because im a good boy who stays in his lane Why did you choose your url: my two most prominent aesthetics are cyberpunk and necromancy, “glitch” and “lich” rhyme

Following Blogs: some Followers: a few Favorite Colors: purple, gray, black, cyan, electric blue Average hours of sleep: about 6 if I work in the morning, about 9-10 when I don’t Lucky Number: 4 Instruments: used to play keyboard, tried guitar very briefly, my friend pat gave me like 3 crash courses in bass in his garage before Love: this is vague What am I wearing: jeans, tshirt, open button up over the tshirt with sleeves rolled up to elbow. this is p much how I dress every day, I just switch which jeans, which tshirt and which button up How many blankets do I sleep with: just one comforter Dream Job: i actually dont dream about “jobs” bc I hate capitalism, I just want a simple life that subsists of everyone helping each other with stuff because its nice to do and strengthens the community and then I wanna make good art and movies people enjoy, I only do shit for cash because I need cash to survive Dream Trip: I’ve always wanted to see norway, greece, and australia (not all in the same trip bc they’re not close lol) but I’m also just happy anytime I get the opportunity to travel in general I like new experiences Favorite Food: mexican for meals, rice pudding for dessert Nationality: american citizen, ethnically slavic (ukrainian and polish) Favorite Song: dont have one specific one

[ecl1pse]

that “aww i hope you find her” post really got me thinking about the fact that i never really been in a real “relationship” bc not only am closed off to almost anyone but also the fact that even if i like someone, the moment they show any sort of interest right back, all of mine disipates like dirt on a windy day. and there’s this couple of perfect examples i keep thinking of lately:

a long time ago, like almost five years ago wow im getting old a friend i talked pretty regularly back then asked me if i had any sort of crush on another mutual friend we had. i was pretty close to this friend, even closer the than first. i met him way before i met the friend who asked me, and when she asked she said that she was just compiling a list of people who had little crushes on our mutual friend bc he’s super nice and she wanted him to know that he was well loved. which, aw. wish someone would do that for me, but im awful. so.

n e wAYZ. she asked if i liked him and just. panicked. i did have the smallest crush on him at the time. he’s one of the sweetest persons i’ve ever had the pleasure of meeting and interacting with, like, ever. he always made me feel super comfortable and was hilariously funny. but i wasn’t about to tell my other friend that bc feelings are gross and admitting to them is ew. thankfully for me all these interactions were online, so it was easy for me to say no like the fucking pathological liar i am. i was just like, “haha, ew. no! he’s like, my best guy friend! nooo!” til this day idk if she bought or told him what i said. we all grew apart as school and life got busier for them and i descended deeper into my depression. but i do remember him making these little remarks thru out the years saying i was pretty whenever we’d trade selfies and i was so nice. and i’d just. squirm. and idk if it was bc i had that lil crush on him or bc i hated myself so much that i couldn’t take a compliment, but i woukd just shoot him down every time he’d show any sort of interest on me. so we grew distant. my crush on him died. and he will never know about it.

so flash forward to little over a year ago, once again i’m talking with friends online, and i’ve grown closer to this guy i’ve known for years, but lately we have discovered we have way more things in common than we ever thought. one night we’re talking, and he says “you know what, i think i have never seen your face.” he sends a photo of himself so i dont feel to uncomfortable. my years of self hatred have made just not take selfies for a while. so i sent him a photo of me destroying a piñata at my birthday party, and then a few photos of me w my family during the party bc i just don’t know how to take photos of myself. that’s just not a skill i have. he says i’m pretty, i thank him. hours and many jokes later he says i’m so cool and he could easily fall and crush on me bc i’m just his ideal type, pretty and funny. i shut him right away by reminding him i’m the worst and i tend to ghost on people all the time. he’s like, yeah, you’re the worst. but i could still like like you. and i’m like, first of all, thanks for the compliments but i really would not advise you to do that bc like mentioned before i am the worst and second, you’re younger than me, so ew. my moral compass could never allow me to see you in a romantic way. the damage i could do would be catastrophic, especially considering his previous relationship was not very good and my emotional maturity is mostly me pretending i know shit. which i don’t. he wasn’t in like, vulnerable state or anything. in fact he was doing better than he’d done in months. but still. all i could think was my little sister and if a guy my age allowed her to pursue him i’d kick his balls. and like, the age gap wasn’t even that big. he’s just a couple of years younger than me (my sister is 4 1/2 years younger btw).

the point is. any time anyone shows some interest, even if i did have some beforehand, my gut reaction is to just shoot them down right on the spot. cuz idk. i guess im too stupid and think they’re just being too nice, or my interest just wanes down cuz i like to joke around, and i like to make people feel nice, so i give them compliments and they compliment me back — which feels nice — but people tend to think i mean something by it and i’m being flirty. usually i’m not. i just wanna make them smile a lil cuz they made me smile too, so it’s only fair i do the same.

idk where this post is going now other than ig i’m still emotionally stunted and idk if i’m capable of romantic love, but i’d still like to experience it one day. everyone makes it sound so nice and i’m tired of missing out.