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sysig · 2 days

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Wander Dr. Doran! Yeahh :) (Patreon)

#Doodles #Wander Over Yonder #Wander #I mean Dr. Doran totally :)#SCII #Helix #ZEX #DAX #The Captain #Of course now that I feel a bit more confident drawing Wander on-model I turn him human - such is the way lol #Aghhh I'm so excited to implement him haha <3 #All speculatives I'm just too excited haha I have him all figured out >:3c #First off tho - VUX would fit in perfectly to the BG of WOY imo they're adorable and I think Wander would genuinely love ZEX #Depending on which areas of the fandom you poke around in I think they'd have some ahem overlap to bond over lol #Star-faring romancing it's all very cute and wholesome of course hehe <3 #But even outside of that even if it went The Lonely Planet type of way I /still/ think Wander would like him a lot :)#Friendly aliens spreading the message of free love through the galaxy! Sounds about right haha #Also attempting drawing him in the WOY style agh he's so cute I love him sm <3 <3 #Okay now back to Dr. Doran lol he was meant to be the focus anyway just - the cutes! I cannot but the cutes you understand #There's more later but the basics of him so far is he tends to take the younger residents at the Institute #I love the cast of doctors but really Wilson was probably the most personable and I feel like I've made my opinions of his competency known #Wander's great with kids! His office is set up to be very inviting and friendly and unintimidating - fits his personality!#Candy and huggables and stim toys - y'know a Therapist's office lol #With a specialization in pediatric therapy but with Wilson cough cough ''missing'' (lol) he can take on a bit extra hehe #Of course he still has his own quirks - Wander's OCD and trichotillomania for example - just in a different context :)#The doctors' brainwashing is so interesting agh the entire concept sets my brain on fire <3 #Anyway I am soooo looking forward to their scene together aghhh <3 <3 How to embarrass Zelnick The Worst :3c #Such a shame DAX will be elsewhere lol what will he do with himself in the meanwhile!#Nobody here likes the therapists it's fine that he gets to miss out hehe <3 He was so put out by the warning hehehe I love them ♪

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mieczyhale · 7 months

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if you've sent me asks or messages recently and i haven't responded please know that i'm not ignoring you, i've just been doing really badly and doing much of anything - especially communicating - feels almost impossible like... 98% of the time. but i love you guys <3

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to-dance-beneath-the-diamond-sky · 9 months

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iknowwhereyousleepatnight · 3 months

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i feel like i’m wasting my time on schoolwork that i ultimately don’t care about when i could be taking pictures of bugs and drawing yaoi and discussing what kind of lingerie light yagami would like based on his sense of fashion and personality

#like idgaf abt any of this shit rn. i was academia brained for like 16 years give me a fucking break #ik i’m planning to start my masters right after i graduate but honestly i need a break i want to yaoi for some time #unforch that cannot happen bc i am on an invisible timer that says if i don’t speedrun everything in life i will die which i have always #felt since i was young #this could be the result of untreated anxiety tbh but who cares #anyway i went outside to see the fireflies and i was like i’m going to cry i never get to go outside bc i’m busy w school and if i do #go outside to have fun i know i’ll be more stressed bc now i have less time to do school idk man. it’s making me sick i’m so stressed #w school and home and my family and needing to do things and not being built for living under capitalism and shit and it sucks #and i just want to take pictures and talk abt things i like and not have to worry abt shit but life sucks so whatever #i just feel like i’m wasting time doing things i don’t care abt when i could be doing literally anything else #like i already spent so so many fucking years of my life depressed or socially isolated and it fucked me up and is still fucking me up #like i haven’t talked to anyone outside of my immediate family in months and my ocd makes life so hard and my family makes it harder #and i feel like i’m just stuck here and will never be truly happy and that i’ve wasted so much of my life being miserable and that i’m #running out of time and spending it all doing shit i don’t even care about and for what reason #idk. i’m tired so i’m probs not making sense but i’m just. not happy with how my life is and idk if i will be for a long time or if i’ll #ever make it far enough to be happy u know

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jakowskis · 3 months

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counted up alllll my tw fic and it's... 170k words 🙃 in 14 months 🙃 and im still not sick of these assholes. dude im gonna be here for a whileee. head in hands

#see. my fixations usually last four months or so and ill write like. maybe 3k worth of fic #so comparatively? this is obscene #owen pussy madness go brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr #like i am not exaggerating when i say madness HFJKDSF #and no none of it's posted yet. except the one fic. im having Shay Issues™#once i get on my ocd meds again its ovahhhh #bro but what if writing tw fic is a compulsion FHDSFJKD #(im not trivializing btw im dx'd w the shit n it makes my life hell. issa joke 🙄)#what if i. u kno tht meme thts like sorry i stopped posting i started taking a mood stabilizers n im not obsessed w bts anymore #what if that happens to me O.o #sorry i dont talk abt the torchwood twink's coochie anymore i started taking fluvoxamine and now im in law school #u kno whats the best part of a rlly rlly intense fixation is when its over n u look back and ur like what in god's name was that shit #it's like post nut clarity ur just horrified. ur like who was i. who was this beast. touches ground what happened here #fhdsk nah i talk shit but im havin fun i am. mostly. mental shit sucks but i love these characters n i love playing w them #i might be here a while like i rlly truly cannot believe im still stimulated. crazy. is this maturation. fuck knows #txt #sss

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opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year

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...

#im just gonna complain abt it here bc i just have to accept that i can't irl bc no one else gets it #its hard to b a dyslexic grad student. u have to read so much. and its good. lots of reading is good. u just have to contend with a soul #crushing amout of discouragement at the fact u just kinda cant read while ur peers r like sure i can read this in class and have things to #say abt it. if u make me read in my head in class i literally cannot fucking tell u what i just read. not a god damn thing and if i try to #let my computer read to me i cant fucking pay attention for long enough so i just have to accept that from here on out ill have to #physically read papers aloud which i hate so much. its the only way i can fucking understand things and it still makes me feel dumb bc ill #somehow still space out while reading and have to reread like 4 times before i understand wtf is being said. it takes forever and it takes #energy and i dont like talking very much and it also restricts me to only being able to read at home which is frustrating #and im like i need to stop my brain from distracting myself with things that dont matter and my counselor is like: ur ocd is trying to make #work ur whole life and im like yeah thats how i got it. its the only way i can keep swimming with the non dyslexics #so its like wtf do i do? i kinda have to take the hit and make work my whole life rn. morn the loss of other things for a while #i dunno im still a bummer rn. like im probably coming off as more an asocial freak than normal bc its hard to talk ans maintain conversation #rn. but whatever. sometimes things just suck and theres nothing u can do abt it but accept it and move on. ill learn lots of things with all #the reading i have to do and that's never a bad thing ...no matter how much i dont give a fuck abt animals #like jesus. i could not even begin to give a fuck about like 95% of mammals. fish r cool tho. plants too #but microbes is where its at. i dont understand y ppl dont understand how cool they r. oh well ill just have to tell them #if i can find my fucking enthusiasm. ugh i have to make one of my classes read a paper and i have to work with someone abt find it. she #works with like rabbits. i refuse to assign a mammal paper. i fucking refuse. we will do plants or microbes or fucking paleontology #i will fight her on this. ugh. light filtering or orchid speciation would b perfect. annoying #at least i get to work with some culturs this week #unrelated

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lunar-wandering · 1 year

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all of my Symptoms are so loud rn

#i HATE my time of the month every single sense/symptom of autism/ocd ive got is suddenly 100 TIMES WORSE #i cannot wear anythign that isn't soft any more #food??? awful #NOISES TOO LOUD #AND I FEEL SO UPSET AT ALL TIMES #my rsd (rejection sensitvity) is SOOOO BAD rn #im so buggy rn that i dont wanna talk to anyone/start a conversation #but my brain is taking the lack of conversation/positive affection SO BADLY. SO SO BADLY.#head in hands #i need to sentence myself to watching like shows intended for 3 -6 year olds for like 3 hours or something #do a hard-reset on my brain

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pepprs · 1 year

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not doing good. at all

#purrs #today and yesterday ive been unspeakably depressed. and no one knows what to do with me and i don’t know what to do with me. but ivs been ge #getting absolutely SHIT sleep bc of my siblings staying up late and my sisters ocd stuff which is probably part of it. I now im wide awake a #and it’s 2 and im miseravle and can’t sleep and already did sleep for 2 hours and it didn’t help and im hungry and weak #i truly don’t n kw what’s wro ng with me. i want to be happy and normal but every day i have long moments where im trying so hard not to cry #and i think most ppl would excuse themselves to go cry or take a break or like. speak up and ask for help if they’re miserable but i don’t d #do any of that. i just hold it all in until i get so tired it disappears. and then when i do snap im too miserable and ashamed to actually b #be honest about how anyone can help me which only makes me cry more. atp idk what will help. im in therapy now im about to have some time of #km eating food i like even though it’s not the healthiest ive tried resting and getting sleep and whatever. maybe im just not cut out for #any of what im doing and i just need to detach myself from reality even harder than i am already doing apparently. idk nothing im typing is #making sense i just can’t fall asleep now and im so pissed at my siblings and im pissed at my whole family for not giving a shit that im mis #miserable and easily overstimulated by noise bc i could’ve had ghe room downstairs and im still being held hostage by redacted and being #shaken awake to redacted like last night and work is killing me for the dumbest reasons. i literally cannot keep living like this #delete later

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publicuniversalenemy · 2 years

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part of the reason i shaved my head is so i could heal my scalp (see: compulsive excoriation) and its NOT FUCKING WORKING. this bitch is more excoriated than ever :(

#so ive got this patch on my scalp yeah? and ive had it for fucking Years #its a bigass swath of damaged af skin thats p much solid scar tissue and scab #and last time i had a buzzcut i Think it healed #thus the re-shaving #i been putting Products on it too to try and help but NO!!!#like itll heal for a couple days but then i just cant take it/i have a bad day #and i tear up all the progress (literally)#its just too fucking DEEP to heal overnight and then it SCABS and then!!!! and then!!!!#aaaaaaaaa #like the excoration of my face is whatever #same with my body (generally)#it never gets that bad #i move on from a spot pretty quick #so i dont end up doing any real long-term damage #but i cant seem to get over this one spot on my fucking scalp #anyways im gonna try eczema lotion tonight so we shall see if that helps #send help i cannot control my fucking hands #ask to tag #excoriation #OCD #dermatillomania #whatever the fuck

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parsleymusic · 10 months

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#I think my OCD tendencies are coming back too #ooooh not good I did something mildly bad and now I'm obsessing over it to the point where i literally cannot feel good #all i want to do is lie in bed #i need to finish applying to grad school and edit my book one last time #i feel like i need to get it under 120k #bleh someone take me out #anyway

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1roentgen · 1 year

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#can't find my headphones going insane #need... music....loud...#back from that meditation retreat/course thingy btw #thank god it wasn't that bad #i think i've made peace with going girlmode essentially full time again #as they say. c'est la vie... i will never win but the idgaf war wages on #other than the whole compulsory aspect of it the mandatory white garb was not so bad : P #observing the 8 precepts for only a few days is basically nothing... v ez #a lot of the lecture/sermon content was pretty legit and imo applicable to my daily life although i had issues w/ some topics discussed #i don't fuck with thought crime/'sin' and I'm pretty resolute about this #i have ocd and if i believed every time i had a horrible thought i let myself think it was reflective of #my inner state and/or karma stats or whatever i'd probably actually shoot myself #ok the relevant #buddhist theory is actually pretty complex but i don't want to misrepresent anything and #i cannot explain. i actively interact as little as i can with this kinda thing. even if you make me to take a course lol in my head I'm #wily and u cant get me. this is my turf and i'm like a ferret #i do beleive i have said my personal philosophies are undoubtedly highly influenced by Buddhist thought #but i can't be all gung-ho about this 'ending suffering' forever business #as nice as that sounds #i don't want to be told the meaning of life like I'm not gonna perservere my entire lived existence to fulfill some grand objective pre-#determined by someone else no matter how well-regarded they are by however many people #I'm rather attached to the things that bring me comfort and joy and meaning...as shallow or illusory they may be #i don't like that i'd feel threatened into trying to escape samsara bc its 'uber rare' that i was born into the right species #in the right religion and right place and time to get chance to do that #like in that one poem #i would like to touch the world with bare hands even it burns you know what i mean?#stop trying to save me; stop telling me to let go of the world #i try to stand my ground you know but I'm aware this is really important to my parents right now #i know people get more religious as they grow older #maybe i just am not forced to reckon with mortality in the same way that they are and therefore am not at a stage in my life where i can

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mieczyhale · 9 months

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thank you @ alice oseman for including the "explanations for american readers" at the end of the nick & charlie novella. truly a god-send bc it covers a few things / phrases i've been lost on and haven't found a simple answer for anywhere else

like no, i didn't need to know these school terms to understand or enjoy heartstopper, but i wanted to know and understand them and now i do

little joys

#listened to the audiobook #it took a bit to get used to the voices #i'm so used to joe & kit #i still prefer joe & kit and their voices but these guys weren't bad. just different #loved it btw #v glad i spent the money to buy it #yeah i have a physical copy of the book but with my reading struggles and my ocd being as bad as it has been lately i really just did not #feel up to fighting that fight today #spend a day or more trying to read a book that took me two hours to listen to?? i feel like i gave up by doing it this way this time but #i just fucking can't #i cannot deal with that #i cannot deal with the mental battle every goddamn time i want to read something #its bad enough i have to fight through it to read fics or just posts on my dash or shit for work or literally everything everywhere #im taking the mental break where i can get it i guess #anyway #check it out if you haven't #the nick & charlie novella #i really enjoyed it #except for the fucking ******* part #i knew it was coming bc i'd seen stuff about it in fics and on here too in brief mentions but it still made me sad #i'm glad it didn't last long #maison speaks #myhsposts #alice oseman

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queeriboh · 1 year

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also I'm gonna be real and honest here. I used discord for about 3 years before I was able to give my username out to friends without having to stop and go open the app, remember where the account button was, and check to make sure I really remembered my randomly assigned number correctly so

#I'm probably going to try and get my username by itaelf w/o number first #and then default to username(number I'm used to) if not #but like #my babk account routing number has been the same since I opened it 10 years ago #and I still google to makensure its right EVERY SINGLE TIME #so #I guess I don't mind being able to take a step off my usual OCD #and like #if youre going to have a 4 digit number after your name now #you can choose those 4 numbers ??#even if you use the ones you had before or randomly generate new ones #just like #it sucks a little but meanwhile some states are literally restricting our rights to exist as queer humans #and I am very tired #and already so angry all the time #i cannot spare Outrage for something like that rn

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cosmojjong · 2 years

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i know i should be driving but why does it scare the hell out of me

#ive had my driving license for four years or something now and i still get scared #also here theres a high percentage of accidents #it's not that i am not responsible i just get very conscious when driving and i think it has to do with my ocd #i am very attentive and careful when driving but i still feel uneasy though i cannot take public transport my whole life #mainly because i live in a rural area where buses don't pass as much so i need to drive to be independent #i remember how they almost didn't let me sit the exam because they knew i have certified ocd #idk what to do and how to overcome this fear #because my town is small but once i get out it's crowded and full of cars speeding up #i feel so childish and stupid even being this fearful after such a long time

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himalayaan-flowers · 3 months

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please stop describing ERP as a "gold standard treatment" i am going to cry

#i am so so so sick of reading articles like “why won't your ocd get better? it's bc you're not engaging with ERP or doing your homework”#why is everything apparently always my fault?#i can see how ERP works with a fear of flying or something #i basically did ERP on myself before with that #i basically instinctively used CBT on myself to stop my endless compulsions as a teenager #i still have them but i improved so much #but this form of ocd is NOTHING like that #you cannot use CBT on a fear of something intangible #ERP is making you do something you fear will send you to hell forever #if someone believes that genuinely there's no way they're taking that risk #and for BDD???#bdd is not just about anxiety it's about shame #ERP will not fix that #it's too late i can't undo anything #it's my own bad choices which made the BDD worse but there's nothing i can do now #please stop blaming me for seeing things as they are :'(#i'm stupid but not that stupid #you know when someone has really severe terminal cancer #you don't keep forcing them into treatment that won't work #you let them die #why can't it be that way for psychological pain?#i would like to have lived #but not as me #the ocd/bdd is no one's fault apart from maybe my own #but i didn't consent to being born #i didn't ask to have messed up genetics that make me this way #if it's my own fault bc “free will” i didn't consent to free will either #i just want to die without hurting anyone #i just wish i would die naturally so i don't have to face the guilt of hurting my mum #i love her so much </3

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iscrubmeclean · 3 months

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Oh my god i want to kill myslef so baaaaad

#my mother needs to GO AWAY finally i cant take it anymore #i want to go NC i cant take it anymore!!#only one more year left but goddmnit #she has been staying home for months now and i cannot tkae her anymore. i hate this family so fuckign bad #everything aboit her triggers me so bad i want to pull my hair out and scratch my skin off #ive genuinely gotten so depressed again im thinking about suicide again #my best friend shouldnt have saved me back then. i shoudl have died at 18 #i could have had PEACE but insted i keep on suffering in this shit ass life. itd not wortg it #good god other than my boyfriend and my few clostest friends nothing has been woth it. i want to die always have always will #my ocd isnt getting better bc i cant fucking get the peace or space to recover and my mom keeps making it worse #i want to get better i want to feel normal good not crazy anynore but ahe keeps being an abusive piece of shit #amd the worst part is on the outside im doing sooo well i have great grades and good internship a perfekt relationship but living with my #parents makes me so miserable i want to end it al #i cant take this anymore #i need more help than im getting and i need to get away but i CANT until im donw with schooling and can get a job

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