#yeah i have a physical copy of the book but with my reading struggles and my ocd being as bad as it has been lately i really just did not | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

anonymousewrites · 10 months

Text

Portal to My Heart (Book 3) Chapter Three

Loki x Reader

Chapter Three: From the Stream

Summary: Loki and (Y/N) have to prune themselves to stop time-slipping.

Loki, (Y/N), and Mobius stared at the pruning stick Ouroboros hold. It was their only option to keep (Y/N) and Loki from time-slipping, and yet the risks weighed on them. Still, it was their only option. They would have to take it.

Beside Ouroboros, the light of the lamp began to flicker. He frowned and reached for it. “Huh. Been doing that all day.”

“No, it’s not the lamp,” said Mobius. “We’re having power struggles all through the TVA.”

Ouroboros’s expression grew grave. “What did you say?”

Uh-oh. Our situation is about to get worse, thought (Y/N).

Ouroboros didn’t say anything more and walked out of the room with an urgent energy to his step. (Y/N), Mobius, and Loki exchanged a look before following him out. If Ouroboros was serious, that meant something terrible was going on.

“So, the timeline is branching now?” asked Ouroboros. “I bet that’s what’s causing the power surges. And maybe your time-slipping.”

“Really? How?” asked (Y/N).

“Things are a mess upstairs. This better be important,” said B-15 as she saw them passing by.

“It is,” said Mobius, hoisting the Extractor up.

“The branching is overloading the Temporal Loom,” said Ouroboros.

“Temporal Loom?” wondered Loki.

“You should have looked at the handbook,” said (Y/N). She had. She liked technology, and when she had first arrived at the TVA, she wanted to figure out a way to mess around with their tech, so she had read some portions of the handbook.

“You know, the Temporal Loom,” said Ouroboros.

“What handbook?” said Loki, glancing at (Y/N).

“There’s one on every desk at the TVA,” said Ouroboros. He pulled out a copy from a pocket of his apron and tossed it to Loki. “It’s a detailed index of every mechanical classification and maintenance routine in each sector, on each device, and inside every computer program at the TVA.” He smiled. “I wrote it myself.”

The lights flickered, and a bulb burst. The glass rained onto the ground, and the group stared. The surges were getting more erratic.

Ouroboros stopped before a door, and from the room within, a metal creaking could be heard. They stepped towards the doors as a group, Ouroboros scanned his ID, and the doors opened.

The room within was empty, but the wide opened windows displayed the Temporal Loom. It glowed brightly as the new branches of the multiversal timeline fought to pass through the rings. The entire structure creaked and rumbled from the sheer power.

“The Temporal Loom is the heart of the TVA,” said Ouroboros. “It’s where raw time is refined into physical time.”

“Right, because that makes sense,” said (Y/N).

“And it’s not constructed to weave together so many new branches, so it’s overloading,” continued Ouroboros.

“That does make sense,” said (Y/N).

“I’ve never seen it like that,” said Ouroboros.

“It looks like a disaster,” said Loki, gazing out at the Loom as it struggled to hold all the new branches.

“It is a disaster,” said Ouroboros.

“You don’t get down here too much, I guess,” said Mobius.

“I never had to,” said Ouroboros. “Miss Minutes took care of everything. I just ran diagnostics every few hundred years.”

“OB, how do we stop this?” asked Loki.

“How do we stop the meltdown?” asked (Y/N).

“We need to prune those extra branches,” said Ouroboros.

“No!” said (Y/N) sharply. “That would mean the death of countless people. No way.”

“Yeah, we can’t do that,” said B-15 forcefully.

“Then I’ll need to close the blast doors to protect the TVA while I figure out how to retrofit it to handle those branches,” said Ouroboros.

“What about the time-slipping?” asked Loki.

“Once those doors close, we won’t be able to resync you, so it’s now or never,” said Ouroboros.

“Or turn to spaghetti,” muttered (Y/N), exchanging a look with Loki.

“We don’t really have a choice,” said Loki, pulling up the pruning stick.

“Wait!” alerted Ouroboros. “It’s now, but no isn’t for a little bit! We still gotta get Mobius into position! But first…Mobius, to fix Loki and (Y/N)’s time-slipping, you’ll go out there—” he gestured to the erratically glowing Loom “—and launch the Extractor, which will pull Loki and (Y/N) from the time stream before I need to close the blast doors.”

Mobius just gave a thumbs up, giving up on arguing.

“Loki, (Y/N), this timer is synced to the Loom,” said Ouroboros, handing it to Loki. (Y/N) promptly took it from him since the last time he had a technology device they needed to survive, he’d broken it (Sylvie’s Tempad). “You two’ll stand by to prune yourselves within moments after this turns green. Green means Mobius succeeded. Green means prune. If you’re too late, you’ll be lost to time forever, and Mobius’ll lose all of his skin. Okay, you’ve got about an hour!”

Crack!

The energy surged violently from the Loom and hit the window, cracking it.

“You’ve got about five minutes,” said Ouroboros.

(Y/N) threw up her arms in exasperation.

“Anyway, I’m gonna get everything ready,” said Ouroboros.

“Dox and her crew are raiding the Armory!”

As if the situation couldn’t possibly get worse, another hunter, the one from the War Room, ran into the room to announce another crisis on the way.

“They’re going after Sylvie!” realized (Y/N).

“That’s their only lead,” said Loki. They took a step towards the hunter, but Mobius cut them off.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa. What are you doing? Where are you going?” he asked.

“Sylvie, Dox—” said (Y/N).

“No!”

“But—!” said Loki.

“We have one shot at this!” said Mobius.

“I’ll handle Dox,” said B-15. She nodded at them solemnly. “Good luck.” She left the room.

“Mobius, if we—If we don’t make it back…” Loki trailed off, and (Y/N) shifted uncomfortably beside him.

“You’ll make it back,” said Mobius with certainty Loki and (Y/N) didn’t have.

“Right, but when we use this thing, we might not make it back—”

(Y/N)’s words were cut off as she and Loki time-slipped and disappeared. The pruning stick clattered to the ground.

They stumbled and grunted when they stabilized and looked around themselves. The room was the same, but the shutters were closed. The blast doors had been shut. This was the future, not the past of the TVA.

“Loki, the pruning stick didn’t make it,” breathed (Y/N) in realization. Her eyes widened, and she gripped the timer tighter.

“We need to find one,” said (Y/N).

They took off out of the door and down the corridor. There was no time to lose, or they were dying and Mobius was losing his skin.

Around them, people were being instructed to “evacuate” for some reason, but (Y/N) and Loki had no time to consider those details. They needed to get to a Timestick and prune themselves. They ran into the offices and tore up the desks, frantically searching for the device they needed.

“Come on, come on,” muttered (Y/N).

Nothing, so they ran into another office, the one they had made a crack in a few hours before (years for the TVA). Above them hung the TV, and it displayed a wide array of timelines, the ones they’d been seeing, flashing in the red when they went through the Loom.

“At least we didn’t slip too far forward,” said Loki.

(Y/N) stared at the TV in confusion for a moment, wondering about the blast doors being closed but the Loom still overloading, but there was too much going on for it to be more than a passing thought.

“We need a Timestick,” said (Y/N). She grabbed Loki’s hand and dragged him out of the room, running for their lives.

They slowed to a stop as they passed an elevator when the timer trilled. (Y/N) and Loki stared at it. The red light flicked to green. They had mere moments. They stared at each other in shock, and they opened their mouths to speak on all the feelings they held. If they were going to die, they were going to die unburdened by hidden love.

Brrring!

A telephone rang in the silence, and (Y/N) and Loki’s heads snapped to it. In a strange sort of compulsion, they moved towards it. The telephone was old-fashioned and sat on a small table, looking innocent and alone in front of an elevator.

(Y/N) reached for the phone, but a thump from within the elevator made her jump, and Loki grabbed her, pulling her away in case there was danger. A pair of hands grabbed the slit of the elevator doors and pulled to open it.

Loki and (Y/N) braced, and (Y/N) reached for Loki’s hand.

A face appeared in the crack, and their eyes widened.

“There you are,” said Sylvie in relief.

“Sy—”

(Y/N)’s words were cut off as the sudden pain of being pruned ran through her. She tried to turn alongside Loki, but the moment her eyes caught a glimpse of two figures behind her, her body dissolved, and she was gone.

(Y/N)’s mind was nowhere and everywhere. She had experienced this before. When Loki had cast that spell on her in their original timeline in 2012, she had connected with his magic, and her powers allowed her a vision of him. (Y/N)’s consciousness had separated from her body and traveled with him.

This was the same but oh so much worse. Her mind wasn’t just separate from her body, it was everywhere. Every atom of (Y/N)’s body screamed with the powers and energy it had never gotten to use, never gotten a chance to really learn, and it exploded as it was freed from the body it was trapped within.

Her consciousness mixed with her abilities in a way it had never been able to, and her mind was nowhere but aware of everywhere and everytime. She saw glimpses of societies, wars, loves, losses, pain, joy, and every other possible thing, all dressed in different eras and places but all timelines, people, lives existing simultaneously.

And then (Y/N) was gone, and the sights and feelings were wiped away in a moment as her mind was pushed back into a body.

But her abilities still roared for release, and her mind still burned.

(Y/N) and Loki’s bodies flew from the time stream and landed on Mobius in his suit. They crashed through him and the doors, which snapped closed the second they hit the floor. They all groaned and coughed at the pain and bruises undoubtedly beginning to form. Loki pushed himself up and extended a hand. (Y/N) took it, and he helped her up.

“We survived,” said Loki.

“We did,” said (Y/N), panting.

Loki gripped her hand tighter and sent a prayer of thanks to the old gods for keeping her by his side. He didn’t know what he’d do without her.

“A little help here, guys?” said Mobius, trying to get up in the suit.

“Oh, right,” said (Y/N), letting go of Loki’s hand, but she gave it a final squeeze first. She couldn’t help the show of affection. Not when the man she loved was still alive.

Loki and (Y/N) pulled Mobius up and took off the helmet. He took a deep breath in relief.

“Mobius,” said Loki and exchanged a glance with (Y/N).

She nodded. She knew what he was going to say. She had the same thought. (Y/N) looked at Mobius levelly. “We need to find Sylvie.”

Taglist:

@alexpangender

@technikerin23

@kikster606

@neenieweenie

@h-l-vlovesvintage

@chronicallybubbly

25 notes · View notes

polaroidcats · 8 months

Note

I assume that you have emotional attachments to objects (because of the print you love) and so have a favourite book which you know you will never read again but can’t throw out (and what is it if I’m right?) ❤️❤️

Hi Rory!!! 💖

oh wow everyone is nailing it with these, you are so, so correct!!!!

My inability to get rid of things I have emotional attachments to definitely applies to books, here is an incomplete list of books I will likely never even read or reread but also will never be able to give away:

My Gregor the Overlander books!! I knew Suzanne Collins mostly from these books and when Hunger Games came out/became popular I tried to tell all my friends about this series because I loved it so much when I was 10-12 years old!! And my first internet name was "Boots" because of the younger sister in that book, I loved her so much. And I don't see myself rereading them anytime soon but I have so many fond memories of absolutely devouring and rererererereading them as a preteen so they will stay forever!

"Die Geschwister Apraksin" by Karla Schneider, this was also one of my fave books when I was around 12-13, I don't remember much, except that it was about 5 orphaned siblings during or after the Russian revolution, and it absolutely broke my heart and I cried more than I had ever cried before when reading a book. I don't even think it was a particularly sad book, I think it just made me very emotional for some reason, to imagine these kids' lives and their struggles. And I read it as part of my local bookstore's initiative where they let kids borrow and read the advanced reader copies of books, and then we wrote little reviews that would get posted on a pinboard at the store. So when I had to give the book back (in order to borrow a new book, it was like a little library system within the bookstore), I immediately asked the bookseller if they had the book in stock because I wanted to buy it with my pocket money, but they only had the paperback and (again) I had gotten so attached to the hardback one and the bookseller could tell how much the book meant to me so she just gifted me the copy I had just returned, the one I read, and that meant so much to me, to get to keep the physical copy that I actually read and not have to buy a new version.

Herzen, Hände und Stimmen by Ian McDonald - I have never read this book, idek what it's about but from the book cover I assume it's scifi. I did an exchange semester in France as a teenager, and my host family didn't speak any german but somehow they got this random (thrifted) german book and they gave it to me bc I speak german. And I've never been that much into scifi but the gesture was so sweet and I have so many nice memories of my time with them, so even though I will probably never read that book I will also never give it away.

A complete translation from Vergils Aeneid with the latin and german text side by side. I did Latin in school, and for our final exams we all had to pick one specialized subject we would have an oral exam on, and my specialized subject in Latin class was the 6th book of the Aeneid, so even though I barely remember any Latin and will definitely not reread that for fun, I enjoyed it back in the day and will never get rid of that book.

I have a book on erotic dream interpretation, idk if that fully counts into this category, but my friend and I saw it when my uni library (!!) had a thrift sale of their old books, and that book was so hilarious, I had to get it and then for a while whenever I had people come over to my flat to pregame I would ask them about their dreams and would then very professionally interpret them with my book. This one might not fully count bc I'm not ruling out that I will never do that again but I haven't looked at it in a long time but would never get rid of it because it's too iconic haha

Okay this got way too long so I'm stopping now, but yeah hahaha you were so correct with this one 😂

make an assumption about me!

#ask game #rory tag #thank you for for sending this haha sorry it got so long!!<3

6 notes · View notes

bookaddict24-7 · 2 years

Photo

REVIEWS OF THE WEEK!

Books I’ve read so far in 2022!

Friend me on Goodreads here to follow my more up to date reading journey for the year!

___

261. Forgiving Lies by Molly McAdams--⭐️

Beware of this book for those who need TW!!!! There’s a very descriptive r@pe scene. There is physical and emotional abuse. There is victim blaming. There is stalking. There is an insta romance that the MC falls into very close to her attack and I know everyone handles the trauma differently, but it felt a little too…easy for her to just move on to another guy? Also, warning for the MC saying that it’s not r@pe because he didn’t finish. Yeah, this book was a lot. I’m glad I’m finished it and that it’s not on my shelf anymore. Also there’s a sequel which just seems…pointless?

___

262. So You Want to Be A Wizard by Diane Duane--⭐️⭐️⭐️

I’ve had this book on my bookshelves for years and I’ve always been curious if I would actually like it. While it wasn’t what I was expecting, it had its entertaining moments. This gave me similar vibes to A WRINKLE IN TIME in that it explores magic and the whimsical, but in a logical and slightly over wordy way. It had its moments where I was confused because of the writing and it made me remember how different fantasy and sci-fi were written in the past in comparison to today. I have the whole series, so I will try to read it 😂

___

263. Moonlight by Rachel Hawthorne--⭐️⭐️⭐️

After having this on my currently reading list for far too long, I finally finished!! While this wasn’t a perfect read, it was actually a lot of fun. I already want the sequel for future reading. I enjoy the occasional werewolf (or shifter) lore and this one entertained me. The romance with the brooding tough boy was predictable but still fun. The writing is a little simple and predictable, but I think it would make for a great summer read.

___

264. The Lesbiana’s Guide to Catholic School by Sonora Reyes--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Please check out the trigger warnings before you read this book, specifically TWs for: Homophobia, racism, Depression, and mention of suicide. One of the first times this book came to my attention was when one of my friends mentioned the first sentence of the book. Pick up a copy and read that sentence--I'm sure it'll hook you right away. This book had so many layers to it and Reyes captured them beautifully. One of the things I appreciated the most was how Latine culture can or might look at the topic of the LGBTQ+ community. This book shows how some people can surprise us, but others can fall into the homophobia that sometimes thrives in some Latine families/homes. Another thing I really appreciated was Reyes's representation of how depression can present itself differently and how good some people are at masking it. This particular part of the book will get your heart going, but I think that the topic was appropriate, especially because it could touch a reader who is quietly struggling. The MC was great and I loved seeing her character growth; especially because it was so imperfect. That fear of not knowing who to trust with one of your biggest secrets and maintaining that self-security one might build from living a life surrounded by those who fight to keep others like you down is very real. I think many will be able to relate to her--especially because of her imperfections. I really enjoyed this book and I think it's an important one for people to check out. I think this is one of those quiet YA books that will be one of those "I can't believe I hadn't read this until now" type of books.

___

265. Stay True by Hua Hsu--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I have been reading sooooo many memoirs lately and I'm really here for it. I never thought I would be so intrigued by other peoples' lives and histories. Although this takes place during a time where I was barely alive, I found it fascinating to hear about someone's younger years during some pretty pivotal decades. I also have a soft spot for memoirs that speak about a family's immigration experience--although this time, it was a life story from a first generation immigrant child and not a .5 generation immigrant child. It was fascinating seeing how different his life was when I recall reading histories of others who went to their new countries as children as opposed to children who were born in the new countries. When it got to a certain part, my heart broke for the author. That was such a jarring moment that I had to pause for a second to fully understand what I had just read. This whole memoir felt like a dedication to the subject. It was written in such a compelling way that I couldn't believe it was over when it ended.

___

266. A Little Bit Broken by Roz Weston--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Please look for the TWs before you pick this one up! I'm going to be honest, I didn't even know who Roz Weston was before I came across his memoir at work. And because I've been falling in love with memoirs and autobiographies, I HAD to read this one. I wasn't disappointed. Weston has gone through A LOT. Honestly, when he started detailing his self-destructive behaviour and self-worth issues I wasn't wholly surprised. It's incredible to see how put together of an image some people can show off to the world, but inside they're a storm cloud of emotions and experiences they can't voice or even begin to fully comprehend. This was a beautiful, raw, and heartbreaking life story and frankly, good for him for succeeding despite the trauma he faced. I also liked seeing the complicated relationship he had with his dad, even though his dad wasn't like the other dads of the time. I highly recommend you give this a read--especially the audiobook since he narrates the book himself. He has a great voice.

___

267. Astrophysics for People in a Hurry by Neil deGrasse Tyson--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I'm not going to lie, I feel like I didn't actually understand most of what I listened to in this audiobook, but Tyson has such a compelling way of teaching his readers that I enjoyed just listening to his words. Definitely recommend this one for anyone who is looking for a great storyteller that teaches you some science about our universe.

___

268. Mr. Wrong Number by Lynn Painter--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I had a lot of fun reading this one--especially when it started getting spicy. Not only did we get a great enemies to lovers trope, but we got some hilarious text conversations between two characters with a ridiculous level of chemistry. If you want to giggle and just enjoy some good old fashioned tension, then this might be the next read for you!

___

269. Deception by Lee Nichols--⭐️⭐️⭐️

I finally finished this book after having it on my bookshelf for forever and a day. I won't lie--I was thrown off at the beginning because the writing was incredibly juvenile. But as the story progressed, the MC grew and the writing matured a bit more. It got more interesting and I found myself being drawn back to the book more than when I first started it. I think the concept is really interesting and some of the mysteries were great and will most likely lead to an equally entertaining sequel. There were some dumb things here and there that made me roll my eyes, but I'm hoping to see some resolutions regarding those issues in the sequel. I'd recommend this series for those who like ghost stories with a bit of mystery and romance. Just keep in mind that this is an older book, so it might feel a little young (back when YA read younger).

___

270. Forever Birchwood by Danielle Daniel--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I went into this a little wary because I wasn't entirely in the mood, but I became more intrigued when I realized when this story is set and when we started going into more detail about the friend group. Though this is set in Canada, it gave me strong NOW & THEN vibes. One of the things I love about these kinds of middle grade books is that some of the situations that would normally be used to create drama in older books are quickly resolved. It was interesting seeing these young girls on the brink of teenhood finding themselves while also trying to save something they love. I think young readers will appreciate and be able to relate to the changes the girls experience and the challenges they face that comes with growing up. Also, it was great to see that this story was set in a place so close to home and featured some great Indigenous representation!

___

Happy reading!

#books #bookish #booklr #bookworm #bookaholic #bibliophile #book blog #book blogger #Features #on books #on reading #review #reviews #book reviews #my writing #my opinion #book list #long text post

18 notes · View notes

ladyelainehilfur · 2 years

Text

Weaktober Day 14: Nuclear

“Hey. Hey!”

Gray spun around, wondering who was calling him. He’d just left the bakery where he usually had breakfast before heading to work. He valued the silence before he’d be bombarded by questions at the guest lectures he spoke at. Science was not that hard, but none of those moneyed college kids seemed to know that.

He was faced with a tall stranger gasping for breath, hunched over. It was 60 degrees but he wasn’t wearing a sweater. When he finally caught his breath and stood to his full height, Gray sourly noted that this was another individual who claimed a good foot over him. His cheeks were flushed and his ears and nose were tipped red from the cold.

“Thank you for stopping,” he started, taking in a calming breath to regain his composure. “You’re Gray Yeon, right?”

Gray didn’t expect to run into a fan at the cafe of all places. He wasn’t a celebrity, per se; his book had only sold a few hundred copies. But he’d won an award or two and it had launched a new phase in his career, one where he got paid to talk about something he was good at. It wasn’t the dream or anything, but it was nice not worrying about rent.

“And you are...?” Gray asked.

The stranger held out his hand. “I’m Stephen Ahn.” Gray didn’t like the look on Stephen. He was tall, sweaty, and his socks clashed with his shoes. But Gray didn’t want to be impolite, so he blithely shook Stephen’s hand and let go as quickly as socially acceptable.

Stephen closed and opened his mouth, like a fish who couldn’t find the right words. “I-I read your book on nuclear physics,” he said.

“Ah.” Gray offered up a neutral smile. What did this guy want, an autograph? A signed copy? It wasn’t like Gray carried around extra books in case people felt like interrupting his morning routine to fanboy.

“Can--can I buy you a coffee or something?” Stephen asked, desperate.

Gray shifted. “I’m going to be late for work.” Unlikely. He always arrived two hours early to practice his presentation and that was an affair that lasted maybe 20 minutes. Gray had an astonishing amount of free time.

He winced at Stephen’s puppy eyes, wondering how it was possible for a grown man to still make those. And so convincingly, nonetheless. He bit the inside of his cheek and reluctantly agreed to let Stephen drag him back to the bakery and sit down while he ordered.

In his 26 years, Gray couldn’t remember being co-erced into doing anything. Yet, Stephen slid him the hot cup and immediately launched into a bluster about the individual chapters in Gray’s book, questioning some theories and asking Gray what he thought of this and that. Gray answered as fast as he could, struggling to keep up with Stephen’s enthusiasm. He was taken aback. Stephen wasn’t mimicking age-old grandiloquence; he knew what he was talking about.

“T-Then do you read W. Lee too?” he found himself asking, heart thumping at the thought of having an intellectual peer.

Stephen nodded. “Yeah, of course! I read everyone, but your book’s been my favorite so far. You talked about stuff so many people just brush over. I really admire the depth of your writing.”

Gray blushed. “Thank you.”

Another hour passed before Gray actually had to tell Stephen he needed to go. His drink, which went untouched, had gone cold but he held onto it as he stood up, wanting to keep it as a memory of that morning. Stephen stood up as well, thanking Gray for indulging him. “I can’t believe I got to meet you in person,” he said, absolutely glowing. “What are the odds?”

Gray had been holding his tongue, but it came spilling out now. “Um, I come here every morning at 7. My lectures are at 10. I go to the Italian-French fusion place down the street at 6PM every Thursday.” He swallowed thinly. “Just so you know the odds.”

The corners of Stephen’s eyes crinkled. “Yeah?”

“Yes.” He wanted to see Stephen again, with his green plaid socks and sideways dimples.

Stephen grinned, understanding Gray. “Luckily, I think the odds are in our favor.”

#weak hero #weaktober #weaktober day 14 #webtoon #gray yeon #stephen ahn

23 notes · View notes

dreamingdarklyblog · 1 year

Text

Hobbies

So... Still sort of struggling with WHAT to post about. The blog is supposed to be about this "journey" or whatever. The ongoing process of playing with my head for fun and profit (I can dream can't I?). But how to do that? If I just post details of trances, I'm a pretty unreliable narrator. And frankly it's pretty embarrassing, and hard to explain. It's like explaining a dream. A dream doesn't have a narrative structure, they hop around, they aren't linear or attached to time or objective reality, so describing them using an objective reality is difficult... Anyway. I thought maybe I'd tell you about some of the things I like? I think I mentioned playing a lot of video games. Which I do. I used to read a lot of books, but that gets pretty expensive... I'm a fast reader and I like to actually have physical copies, so it takes up a lot of space and can cost $20 a day easily to keep me in new things to read.

So yeah these days I tend more towards video games and tv shows. Exercise and writing. I was playing a lot of Zelda, but it got kind of difficult. It needs too much attention and focus, and I get kind of distracted, and it's pretty impossible to play with one hand. This past month I've been playing a lot of modded minecraft actually. That works out well. I like the minecolonies mod because I can just queue up things, set up my little people building and expanding the colony while I rub, makes something that would be semi boring a lot of fun, you know?

Was also really easy to do while reading but again, I just can't afford that so much anymore. Watching tv while rubbing is easy of course, so that's always nice =). Been watching Justified the past week or so. I never tried it before, as it being all law enforcement focused made me think I wouldn't enjoy it. But it's been pretty good so far. Timothy Olyphant makes pretty much anything better I think.

3 notes · View notes

the-yearning-astronaut · 1 year

Note

Thank your for your lengthy answer on the murderbot ask. I know neither you nor the author can influence the price I was just really surprised you know?

I'm not American so target is not an option for me. We do actually get it as paperback in my country tho.

I do wanna support the author that's why I wanted to buy a physical copy from a local book store instead of the ebook from amazon but I do wonder what the publisher were thinking at 20 bucks for a paperback when my normally 800 page paperbacks are like 10.

Sadly English audiobooks don't work at all for me, tho I did just check and my library does have the books available at the moment. But I'm not really a library person. I always worry to much about taking care of the book. I'm like a breaking the spine person. Tho with under 200 pages per book I probably could read it at the library in like two hours or so... Hmm we'll see.

Oh man I've seen some of the covers for the international versions and I'm High Key jealous -- they are so pretty. Anyway, I wish I had more relevant international resources/info to offer.... Unfortunately I struggle to even find things here in the US sometimes due to uhhhhh certain monopolies on advertising and distribution. And yeah the price is definitely surprising. I think it's becoming more common tho for novellas to have that price point? At least, one of my other favorite novella series is also $20/book. (Incidentally, A Psalm for the Wild Built is also about humanity and identity and robots...I'm sensing a Theme...)

I'd be surprised if the spines of the library books weren't already broken tbh so maybe you wouldn't have to worry about that! I'm the same way with books tho, especially when I'm borrowing them, so Can Relate.

And the author should still get compensated for the book, even when it's an ebook from Amazon! I just don't know how much. Same with any legitimate purchase/rental -- it's the pirating of books that actively harms the authors. So whether you do decide to check it out or purchase it, you'll be supporting the author either way ☺️

Me @ you:

#fox answers #the murderbot diaries #i hope my answers are coming across as idk... conversational? friendly?#and not confrontational or something #its been a long exhausting week and ive been struggling with both reading and conveying tone/intent the last few days sooo yeah 🙈

3 notes · View notes

pastelwitchling · 8 months

Text

How's everyone's reading going? I always struggle to pick up more than kindle unlimited sports romances when school and work start, but I'm really pushing myself past that stress in small ways.

Here are the books I'm currently reading, just finished, and am hoping to get to soon that I really wanted to talk about:

The Sun and the Star (read): This book is pure serotonin. It's one of the longer Percy Jackson books, but I never felt the length for a single second. There were definite moments where I could tell someone other than Rick Riordan had taken over writing, but that doesn't change how fun and romantic the book was. What an absolute treasure.

Scoring Position (read): kindle unlimited mlm hockey romance. I just finished this today actually, and it ended up getting a lower rating than what it had been for most of the book, but I'm still glad I read it. It did offer a good palette cleanser, and though I didn't end up loving it the way I'd hoped I would, I would still recommend it for a nice time.

Under the Whispering Door (currently reading): I tried reading this a few months ago and DNFed after chapter five or something. I felt like the humor was hit-and-miss, I thought Wallace was a little too annoying, but I knew that I didn't want to DNF it for good. Why? I really liked Hugo, Mei, and Nelson, and the teashop. I thought there was some good potential there. I have to drive a lot to school and work, and I figured that since I couldn't enjoy reading this physically, then maybe I would have a better time on audiobook, annnnd... yeah. The narrator is phenomenal, I would highly recommend this audiobook if you couldn't get into the paperback. He has a way of reading in SUCH a funny way that I was suddenly laughing at lines I didn't think were funny the first time. I've got less than 3 hours of the audiobook left, and I'm having a great time. It's not anything groundbreaking, and I think the first half was very slow and repetitive, but it really has got me thinking about death and life a little bit more, and I really enjoy these characters. I now love Wallace, he's hilarious and becomes so easy to love, and I can't wait to see how this story ends.

House of Sky and Breath (currently reading): Anyone else really have trouble reading physical books when they're super stressed or overwhelmed? That's kind of where I am. I'm annotating and tabbing my paperback copy, I'm 10 chapters in, but I feel like I just don't have the strength right now to physically hold a book, you know? The first book in particular already took me so long to read because of its length (you're not Order of the Phoenix, STOP trying to be Order of the Phoenix, not every story can carry that kind of page count!), and now I just feel like I'd be going through it faster if I can read it digitally. I won't get my ebook copy from the library for over 2 weeks, so I might just try to read as much as I can now, and then finish with the ebook. I know the big spoiler at the end, but beyond that, I have no idea what happens in this book, and I can't wait to find out.

Books I want to pick up next:

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part of last year's reread so that I can start this year's reread. I'm afraid, but it must be done.

Percy Jackson and the Chalice of the Gods: I think I was subconsciously waiting until after the show ended to dive back into this world, and I'm just ready to spend all day with my favorite demigod (and satyr) trio.

House of Flame and Shadow: Is this a shock to anyone? I should've read HoSaB sooner so I would be ready for this book now, but I overestimated by reading speed, so here we are. I hope to get to it before any spoilers start circulating.

Emily Wilde's Encyclopaedia of Faeries: I have more books on my physical TBR, but this is one of the lightest and I think I need that.

The Paladin's Shadow: 'Nough said. Anything by Tavia Lark is gold.

I love talking about books so much, so please do let me know what you're reading now, how you're feeling about it, what you'd like to pick up soon. It's always fun to me to discuss books, and I'd really like to talk more about them on my tumblr from now on. I still have it tagged rin reads if you want to filter that out though.

#rin reads #rick riordan #the sun and the star #under the whispering door #tavia lark #harry potter #hosab #book #books #booklr

1 note · View note

diahmandis · 2 years

Text

January 24 2023 (Tuesday)

Today I woke up early. I’m really trying to be a morning person now that face to face classes are about to make it’s awaited comeback. Ah yes, there was an actual reason why I woke up early — I had to do my sister’s project for biology which was to make sourdough bread. I thought it was going to be easy since I know how to bake, but breads are so much different than the other pastries I’ve been making over the last three years. To cut this segment short, I think I made it work, but that didn’t erase the fact that the bread tasted so awful — IT WAS SO SOUR (and no, just because it has sour in the name doesn’t mean it should taste that way!!!) The sourdough bread I’ve eaten from a bakery did not taste that way at all.

The day was slow, just like the previous days that have passed. Ever since I finished the semester, it seems as if I don’t have any driving force to make it through the day. I am literally so bored and because of that, I started updating my portfolio and resume. Huh. I guess my overworked self functions better than my vacation mode self. I also had a very intense existential crisis today, but I forced myself to continue where I left off in James Clear’s Atomic Habits and it made me feel a whole lot better. I swear this book answers EVERYTHING that I want to ask. It addresses the struggles I’m currently having as an adult in her early twenties, trying to go through the motions and figure out life.

The chapter that I read today also struck me hard — what kind of person do I really want to be? WHO do I want to be? It’s a question that only I can answer for myself. Right now, I do have thoughts of the person that I do want to be and although I still haven’t developed this identity yet, let me speak it into existence, manifest, and act on it until it eventually becomes who I am.

She is a kind and compassionate.

She’s very good at handling money, thus she’s rich.

She’s a girl boss — independent and intelligent.

She knows what she wants.

She’s a successful entrepreneur; the CEO of her own company — creative, hardworking, and organized.

She has her own place with a studio and everything she needs to fulfill her work as a young creative.

She’s happy. She’s contented. She’s right where she should be.

So far, I have been loving Atomic Habits. I wish I can buy the physical copy of the book soon. That is if I save enough money for it. Oh yeah, about that… I want to sell baked goods again so I could save up for the things I need this year — there are a LOT. I do hope I can achieve the goals I have set. But what’s more important, as Atomic Habits says, is that I come up with the right systems (processes) to achieve everything I’ve set for myself.

#2023 #diary

0 notes

knightoflodis · 2 years

Text

I guess we aren’t allowed to be frustrated when it comes to having trouble finding stories that we want. Like. Yeah. I get satisfaction from finding things I wasn’t exactly looking for. Doesn’t mean that I don’t feel frustration because I didn’t find what I was looking for. I still want certain kinds of stories. I am not going to stop wanting them. I am not going to stop looking for them. And I am going to voice my annoyance with how hard it can be to find those things. Also. Sometimes when I go looking for stories I don’t go looking for specifics. I just go looking. And then I find something (or maybe don’t). But I am not mentioning all that because we are talking about frustrations finding specific things and “being bad at finding books” if we can’t find any good books with a specific thing.

(And I have finally been finding and reading some manga in a niche that I have struggled to find good stuff for for a LONG time, wish that several of those in that niche had physical English copies because I want to own them)

#books #frustrations #rambling #ignore me

1 note · View note

mikalara-dracula · 3 years

Note

Can I request headcanons about studying with shu,Yuma,Subaru and also about how would it be like to watch movies with Yuma...thanks a lot sugar🤗

📚 Studying with their s/o—

(ft. Shu, Yuma, and Subaru)

Warning: 18+ content below; don't read if you're a minor or aren't comfortable with slight NSFW. This is a fictional work and should not be taken seriously.

Caution: Unfortunately, Tumblr has a history of admins quarreling over completing carbon copy asks due to users sending the same request(s) to multiple admins, thus, resulting in unintentional plagiarism. With this, please DO NOT send the same request to multiple blogs as it can cause unintended plagiarism discord to other blogs across Tumblr. The word “plagiarism” stems from the early 17th-century Latin word, “plagiarius,” meaning “kidnapper.” So please, do not send in the same request to multiple blogs and make admins appear to be “kidnapping” other people’s work when it isn’t their intention. If this is to occur in any of my posts, please contact me so we can work something out.

Hi there!

Thank you so much for requesting! This was so much fun to write. I sincerely apologize that it took this long. I have linked your other request to this post as well. Hope you enjoy reading them. Feel free to request again anytime. :))

🍿 = Watching movies with Yuma

Shu:

📚 Okay, now, since when does he study??

📚 Like is this a joke, lmao?? xDD

📚 C’mon, it has to be, right?

📚 Well, for whatever reason he may have, he’s never going to study for himself unless he absolutely has to in the sense that he has to meet the bare minimum requirement for the school year—unless of course he really wants to re-repeat his third year.

📚 But when it comes to his s/o things are a little different, and by “a little,” I mean very little—like, there is almost no difference with his general motif.

📚 So, most of the time, you’re stuck studying on your own. It’s either this, or Shu’s always managing to distract and pull you away from studying. He does this by having you lay down or sit with him and making you lose track of time by either talking to each other or just dozing off.

📚 Believe it or not, he doesn’t mind helping you study if he’s in the mood to. As his s/o, you’re honestly the only one he will ever help when it comes to this because for him, this already requires a lot of effort’, so forget with anyone else.

📚 However, his help comes at a price every time.

📚 He’s not exactly the type that likes to be asked for help, so if you ask him, there’s a good chance that he’s going to deny and tell you it’s a waste of time and that you should be laying down next to him instead.

📚 Oh, this lazy fuck.

📚 If he does decide to help you, it’s rare if he agrees on a whim, he mostly likes to surprise you by simply joining you out of nowhere.

📚 (In the manga, he once just started tutoring Yui out of nowhere, so you can bet he’s going to do the same with you.)

📚 Despite his laziness, it’s important to note that he’s definitely smart—like, this mf knows more than anyone would think, he just hides it since he doesn’t care enough to put effort into school.

📚 You were in the middle of studying physics, a subject he’s quite good at (in the manga, he even studied it as a child), and the math problems were honestly getting the best of you. You were working them out but they weren’t matching the answers the book had and it was frustrating to say the least.

📚 Noticing your struggle, he sighed deeply from the nearby couch he was sleeping on and came over to the table you were studying at.

📚 “You’re still working on that?”

📚 “Yeah,” you’d sigh, still looking at the book full of example math problems. “and I still don’t get it.”

📚 Out of nowhere, while you’re still looking at the book in front of you, he’d take an end and slide it towards him so he could have a better look at it.

📚 With his usual hazy smirk, he’d comment looking at the material in front of him, “It’s not that hard.”

📚 “Says the guy who never studies.” You’d sass, feeling fed up with the subject. “Whatever, I doubt you can help.”

📚 And here is where he begins to explain things regarding the math formulas to prove you wrong about him not knowing anything.

📚 You were surprised by how much he knew since he was mentioning concepts regarding the formulas you were studying, but he stops explaining just before he was about to give you the answer on what to actually do.

📚 Ah, and I think one can expect what’s coming next xDD.

📚 “Go on, tell me. What do I have to do next?”

📚 “Mmm, what do you think you should do?” He’d tease.

📚 “Shu, this is no time for trick questions!”

📚 “What?” He’d say, attempting to play innocent.

📚 “If you’re not gonna help, I don’t need you.”

📚 “I can help you . . . but there’s a small price for my help.”

📚 Sighing and knowing you were limited on options when it came to getting help on this subject, “What is it?”

📚 Smirking, he’d offer, “A kiss for every explanation I give you.”

📚 But of course, this was only part of the deal he was revealing to you.

📚 And because you were desperate for help, you added, “Fine.”

📚 So, he’d begin explaining again and things actually started to make a little sense, but things were still fuzzy, even if he was telling you to refer back to the textbook to read a little more about certain concepts he was explaining, and this was just to reinforce it a bit better.

📚 (I mean, we all know textbooks suck at giving clear explanations sometimes—and this was one of those unfortunate times.)

📚 So with this, he encourages you to try out a problem with what he’s told you, but of course, you have to pay up for the knowledge he’s just given you.

📚 And of course, it only gets more interesting from here because to be honest, this is only the beginning of his endless antics.

📚 He’ll run his foot up and down your leg while you’re in the middle of reading something out of your textbook. If you’re wearing a long skirt or dress, he does it to get a glimpse of your legs, or at least feel them—plus, he gets a kick out of teasing you with his touch. And if you’re wearing a short loose skirt, he does it in hopes of seeing glimpses of your panties, at least, if his leg were to lift it high enough.

📚 Might move your hair out of your face while you’re reading or attempting to solve a math problem.

📚 Might poke your side every few minutes or so to make you jolt, which you scold him for because he’s distracting you.

📚 He literally lives for your reaction and finds it beyond amusing. To make things even worse, he sometimes denies that he’s poking you.

📚 Fucking ass.

📚 “Shu, stop it! I’m trying to study.”

📚 “Wasn’t me. You’re just imagining things.”

📚 Will so whisper lewd things into your ears while you’re reading or trying to figure something out.

📚 “Hm, y’know, you’d look a lot sexier if you were naked right now.” He’d say, leaving you to bury your embarrassed face into the nearby textbook.

📚 Might even derail you by getting into discussions about other things, which you end up falling into, but that’s until he brings up what you’re actually supposed to do.

📚 “Wait, aren’t you supposed to be studying?” He’d smirk.

📚 “You ass! You’re making me waste so much time!”

📚 He’d only laugh, leaving you to playfully hit him.

📚 Tries to make you mess up when you’re attempting a physics problem by whispering weird things into your ear.

📚 Like, if you’re talking yourself through the problem step by step and referring to your notes while doing so, he’ll add in something totally off/random or misleading to throw you off.

📚 And by any chance, if you repeat what he said because you’re so zoned out and end up realizing it, he has the biggest smirk on the face, leading you to scold him, which he ends up laughing at.

📚 He also listens to your heartbeat to see how it sounds and it does beat a little faster whenever he gets closer, and he purposely brings this up to throw you off.

📚 Omg! And if you’re studying Latin (it’s hinted at in one of the mangas that he knows it), he’s definitely going to take advantage of that fact in various ways.

📚 He’ll rectify your pronunciation if it’s off and teach you the stuff that’s a little fuzzy, however, when is it innocent and sincere with this narcoleptic?

📚 Will make you ‘accidentally’ kiss him—that is, while you’re in the middle of looking at something during your studying session, he’ll whisper something barely audible enough to hear, which leads you to turn and meet his lips with yours unexpectedly, an evident smirk on his face at your obviousness. Not that you mind the kiss, but you had to study otherwise you weren’t going to pass.

📚 “Shu, quit it! I can’t focus!”

📚 “Hmm, you say that yet your body says otherwise.” He’d smirk.

📚 You’d flush. “Shut up!”

📚 Will teach you new words in Latin, but he’s telling you the wrong definition of them and little do you know that you’re saying the dirtiest of words or phrases.

📚 I’m telling you, never trust a vampire.

📚 Might even tug at the waistband of your underwear or pull it and have it smack against your skin if it’s in his sight.

📚 “Shu!”

📚 “What? You’re the one showing it off.”

📚 “I’m not!”

📚 At times, you might ask him a question and not get an answer, only to turn and see that he’s fallen asleep.

📚 “Shu.” You’d say, giving his shoulder a nudge to wake up.

📚 "Nnn . . . what? . . .” he’d say stirring awake, soon realizing his reality. “Oh, we're still doing this?"

📚 You’d sigh in defeat, quickly going back to your work knowing he was no help at that moment.

📚 Might even graze his fangs over the surface of your neck or shoulder area just to tease you, or even bite you if he’s feeling thirsty. And if goosebumps rise, it only rials him up more.

📚 “Stop it! You’re so distracting.”

📚 “Hm, your body says otherwise.” He’d smirk, referring to the goosebumps on your skin.

📚 And after doing so many physics problems, you finally reached an epiphany and grasped the concept, jumping up out of your seat knowing you were able to.

📚 “Yes! I finally understand it!”

📚 “Is that so?” He’d coo. “Alright then.”

📚 And before you knew it, your back was pinned against the wooden table, Shu’s figure hovering above your own, an evident smirk on his face as he went towards your neck.

📚 “Shu, wait! You had it earlier.”

📚 “I need something to replenish all the energy I’ve wasted.”

Yuma:

📚 Well, in general, Yuma is okay with studying.

📚 He knows he has to do it in order to survive and pass the year, plus, he’s no slacker, so there’s no excuse for not doing work.

📚 However, he doesn’t prioritize studying above anything, especially when it comes to gardening.

📚 Whatever the case though, if he has to study, he gives it his best attempt even if he doesn’t fully understand it by the time he’s finished studying.

📚 “Well, it’s better than not trying.” He’d admit.

📚 He honestly doesn’t care if he fails, at least he knows that he did his part and tried his best.

📚 Though, when it comes to studying with his s/o, things are quite different.

📚 Mostly because he likes the idea of doing something with you.

📚 Messes a lot with your hair, such as ruffling it or playfully pulling it.

📚 Clutches your ass a lot, like even when you're about to sit down he'll have his hand resting on the chair, and since your not looking you'll sit on his hand and he'll just grope you through your skirt.

📚 When you're at school and you have a skirt on, it makes it more dangerous.

📚 Because it doesn't matter where you are, he's going to put his hand up your skirt no matter what.

📚 At some point, because you have come to know what he's like and what he's bound to do, you wore shorts underneath your skirt once and he was so annoyed.

📚 "You gotta be kidding me?!"

📚 Will bring plenty of snacks to your study area and tries to feed them to you.

📚 He usually brings stuff from his garden since it's nutritious. Plus, he’s the one who grew the stuff, so he takes extra pride in having you eat it.

📚 “Eat it, it’s good.” He’d say, handing you a bowl of baby carrots. You're grateful for the gesture, but this wasn’t really what you wanted, your appetite craving something sweet or salty.

📚 “It looks delicious, Yuma, but I kinda wanted something else.”

📚 “Hah?! What else could my little pig want?”

📚 “Well… I kinda wanted some [favorite junk food].”

📚 “That’s not healthy! My little pig should only be eating good food, not that shit!”

📚 “But, Yuma-,”

📚 “No buts!” He’d insist.

📚 You’d go back to your studying, eating some of the carrots in the bowl. A little while passed by and he soon came back with your favorite snack, a smile appearing on your face.

📚 “Here.” He’d say, handing it to you.

📚 “Thanks, Yuma.”

📚 He’d sigh, “Don’t mention it—but you can’t have it all the time. It’s not the best thing for my little pig . . . but I’ll let it slide this time.”

📚 Sometimes, though, you eat the veggies he brings since you want to make him happy, but the problem is he brings too much at times, especially when he’s harvested a lot of produce if it’s the season.

📚 "Yuma, I can't eat all this."

📚 "Hey, studying is hard. I can't have my little pig dying on me."

📚 “Yuma, people don’t die from over-studying, but they can from eating.”

📚 He doesn't like taking breaks because he feels that you're both slacking off.

📚 "Yuma, it's okay to take breaks while studying."

📚 "That's what slackers do. I can’t stand half-assed shit. Let’s just finish so we’re done."

📚 Will grab you out of nowhere and just bite you without warning, just cuz.

📚 "Yuma, you had it earlier."

📚 "So? I need it to help my little pig study."

📚 "I never even asked for your help!"

📚 Feeds you sugar cubes if you're really struggling on a subject, and tricks you into giving it to you mouth-by-mouth.

📚 If you're studying something like history, he's going to tell you about the time period if he actually witnessed it (I mean, he's centuries-old so he's gone through multiple eras in history).

📚 But sometimes, if he wants to tease you, he lies about even being in a certain time period or makes up scenarios he never experienced—it’s mostly because he likes to brag in a teasing way.

📚 This cocky mf.

📚 And because you know him well enough, you know better than to believe him since he’s just teasing to get a reaction out of you.

📚 “Y’know, did I ever tell you about the time I was in the Revolutionary War?” He’d grin.

📚 “Yuma, you’re just making things up again.”

📚 “No, I ain’t. It’s true!”

📚 At some point, he'll get fed up with you sitting beside him while studying, so he'll just pick you up from your seat and set you on his lap.

📚 "Yuma, you can't just place me where you want all the time!"

📚 As you were sitting on his lap like he wanted, you were explaining something you had read in order to reinforce it into your memory, plus, Yuma had to know because he was studying the same thing

📚 And during the time you explain something, he usually just braids your hair cause he's not listening and is bored.

📚 When you realize this you'll stop explaining and turn your body halfway to look at him. "Hey, are you even listening to me?"

📚 "Am I what, little pig?" He'd smirk putting his hands on your waist, turning you to have you face him, straddling you in the process.

📚 "Yuma, you haven't been listening to a word I’ve said."

📚 Of course, you didn't pay much attention to his actions since you were upset but you'd later regret that you didn't.

📚 "Yeah, I have." He'd respond with a smug look on his face as you were still annoyed.

📚 "Y’know if you don't want to study, you could just be honest."

📚 "Hell no! Otherwise, I'll end up like that Sakamaki asshole that never does anything."

📚 "Then at least listen when I explain something to you." You'd look at him still upset.

📚 "Damn, didn't know my little pig could get so angry." He’d grin.

📚 You felt something brush against your leg, your eyes widening as you felt taken back by his words and how a certain part of him was reacting.

📚 “Would you- nevermind, I'm leaving!” You’d say, getting off his lap as you’d stalk away.

📚 "What? You're leaving?"

📚 "Yeah, I am!"

📚 "Why?"

📚 "Because you're being weird!" You'd say, not wanting to explicitly say it.

📚 "What? It's not my fault he likes you too." He’d tease.

📚 "Stop! Don't bring it up!"

Subaru:

📚 *sighs* Well, he’s not much help in this department, mostly because he doesn’t have the best performance at school to begin with.

📚 He tries, he really does—but he gets very frustrated with the idea of studying, mostly because he’s always being pestered by Ayato or Laito.

📚 But when he’s with his s/o, it becomes easier for him to study since he can remain focused.

📚 Well, maybe not too focused because your beauty catches him off guard and leaves him flustered, but nevertheless, he actually gets things done when he studies with you.

📚 However, despite the studying, it’s honestly 50-50 in the sense that 50% of the time he’s studying, but the other 50% consists of him teasing you.

📚 And it’s honestly never-ending since he loves to do it.

📚 While studying, he’ll pretend to drop his pen/pencil and he’ll get down to get it under the table, but this is an excuse to look at your legs, and even get a chance to bite them, especially the calves.

📚 Fuckass, like I-

📚 He literally loves the reaction you give when he does this.

📚 Might try to touch or cup your boobs while you’re busy reading.

📚 Might slip his hand in between your thighs just to throw you off—this is honestly such a game to him.

📚 He might go silent for a little while if he’s reading or trying to figure something out, so you’ll sneak a glance to see what he’s doing. Since he feels a gaze on him, he’ll turn to look at you, leaving you to avert your gaze, and this honestly goes back and forth for a while without a word being said, the atmosphere tense.

📚 Will stare at you while you’re busy reading or doing something else that relates to studying, and because you’re so engrossed in your work, it gives him the ultimate excuse to look at you. He just finds your focused face so amusing.

📚 If you’re studying something like the human reproductive system, he’s going to be an ass about it.

📚 He’s so going to make the dirtiest of jokes to make you blush or laugh.

📚 Through looking at a diagram of the male reproductive system, there was honestly so much to memorize and understand, it feeling very overwhelming.

📚 “This is so hard!” You complain. “This is why boys are complicated!”

📚 And because you two were studying such a system, there was no way you were going to escape this without his commentary.

📚 “Say what you want, but I know mine’s bigger.” He’d smirk, pointing to the diagram.

📚 “Shut up!”

📚 If you guys end up taking a break, he likes to use this time as a quick session to replenish his thirst, his fangs either piercing the skin of your neck or collarbone.

📚 And if he gets you to moan, it’s a plus, it really stirs him up.

📚 While you’re reading, he might even rest his face in the crook of your neck just to see what you’re doing.

📚 Like Shu, he’ll listen and tease you about whether your heartbeat is fast when he’s close.

📚 Subaru also likes to pull your bra strap just to get you to jolt so he can see your reaction.

📚 "Subaru, quit it!"

📚 "Heh, who told you to show it to me?" He'd tease.

📚 "Ass! You know I wasn't trying to."

📚 "Uh-huh, sure."

📚 Tries to pull your sleeve down just to throw you off, and if it's a loose shirt and he manages to pull it down far enough, it gives him the excuse to get a peek of your boobs.

📚 He might drink from your shoulder or upper arm if he feels like it then and there.

📚 If you guys are having a snack while studying, he tries to aim and throw his snack in your boob area, and if he gets it to fall in, he's going to be a teasing ass about it.

📚 If by any chance you're having a popsicle for a snack, he lowkey observes how you lick it, which gives him the lewdest of ideas.

📚 Noticing his gaze and how he was looking at you, you'd playfully hit him. "Pervert!"

📚 During all that studying tho, he's bound to procrastinate at some point. And here, he might take the opportunity to send gross shit to your phone, or even shirtless photos of him to throw you off just cuz he sucks like that.

📚 Picking up your phone, you of course would see the text is from him and thought it was weird considering he was sitting right next to you, but you decided to check it anyways, either facepalming or hiding your face depending on what he sent, leaving him to only laugh at your reaction.

239 notes · View notes

read-bi-lina · 2 years

Text

My goal during pride month was to post solely about LGBTQ+ books throughout the month but that didn’t end up happening. Thankfully, pride isn’t for just a month so I still plan to share plenty of LGBTQ+ titles with you, starting now.

wlw historical fiction:

Carol (formerly titled The Price of Salt) by Patricia Highsmith: It’s not one of my favorites but I’m glad I read this book as it’s one of the classics for the LGBTQ genre and it’s based off the author’s own life. In the book, Therese begins to realize her lesbian identity when she meets Carol, who struggles to keep custody of her daughter as a queer woman in 1950s USA. TW: blackmail

The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo by Taylor Jenkins Reid: I expected to like this book but I underestimated just how much because when I finished it I literally gasped and said, “wow…that was such a good book… amazing”. I fell in love with it and I immediately knew I’d have to get my own physical copy for keeps. In the book, Monique struggles with her divorce and her career as a journalist. She wants to make a name for herself and the opportunity arises when Evelyn Hugo, an actress from Hollywood’s golden age, requests an interview with her and only her. Monique is confounded because until then, Evelyn’s had a reputation for being recluse and refusing to speak with the press. During the interview, Monique learns about Evelyn’s seven husbands, her bisexual awakening, and even something about herself. TW: domestic violence/domestic abuse, alcohol abuse/drug abuse, misogyny/sexism, sexual harassment/sexual assault, death/grief, homophobia/queermisia, threatened outing/forced outing, blackmail/manipulation

Last Night at the Telegraph Club by Malinda Lo: This book was real and beautiful. I had to buy a physical copy to add to my bookshelf. The story follows a Chinese American teenage girl living in 1950s Chinatown San Francisco as she discovers her lesbian identity and dreams of a future in the space program. It tackles family trauma, lost friendships, stereotypes, and the struggles of the queer community in 1950s USA. This book is a must-read, go check it out. TW: homophobia/lesbophobia, queermisia, racism/xenophobia, deportation/threat of deportation, death/loss

wlw sports fiction:

(Can someone pleaseee write a wlw romance centered around ice hockey??)

She Drives Me Crazy by Kelly Quindlen: I’m not crazy about this book (sorry, I had to). The story follows Scottie, a high school basketball player struggling to get over her ex, who she just loses the first game of the season to. When Scottie feels like things can’t get worse for her she gets into a fender bender with the head cheerleader, Irene, in the school parking lot. Now she must give Irene lifts until her car is repaired and, oh yeah, did I forget to mention they can’t stand each other? Despite the fact, Scottie comes up with a plan to make her ex jealous and get her back: pretend to date Irene. Warning: stop reading if you don’t want spoilers! This book was ok, I didn’t dislike it but I just couldn’t fall in love with it. It follows the enemies-to-lovers trope but I thought the enemies part lasted longer than the getting to know each other and fall for each other part. It just seemed like it didn’t take much for them to fall in love and yet I wasn’t convinced the chemistry was there. There were some cute parts in the book but I thought the grand gesture Scottie does for Irene at the end was cheesy. It was too much. What I think the author meant to be a cute scene for the readers to gush over was just cringeworthy to me.

Like Other Girls by Britta Lundin: I was a little worried I wasn’t going to like this book but I was pleasantly surprised. It’s about Mara, an athletic teenager who gets kicked off her high school basketball team after she hits her teammate. For her coach to reconsider her spot on the team Mara must prove she can be part of a team again. She tries out for the school’s volleyball team before she ultimately decides that volleyball is too “girly” for her and she tries out for the football team instead. Because, why not? She’s good at it, she enjoys it, and she likes being around guys better than girls. Little did she know the impact she would have for becoming the first girl on the team. I thought this book would be all about bashing femme girls, and it does start off that way. But let me tell you, I showed up for the character development and Mara (or Britta Lundin rather) delivered. Mara’s story also includes her struggle with her family’s acceptance (or lack thereof) of her identity and interests, as well as a disingenuous friendship. TW: sexual harassment, sexism and intolerance

Home Field Advantage by Dahlia Adler: Author of Cool for the Summer, Dahlia Adler does it again. Amber is a closeted high school cheerleader who dreams of becoming head cheerleader and Jaq Jack, short for Jaqueline, is the out and proud new girl in school. Oh, and she’s also the new quarterback after the last QB passed away. Amber is one of two people accepting of the change and while she’s supposed to be helping her squad and the football team to sabotage Jack, the two of them get close. Amber then questions what she cares about more, being head cheerleader and keeping her identity a secret, or Jack. TW: death/grief, sexism, bullying, homophobia/queermisia, threatened outing/blackmail

Catch and Cradle by Katia Rose: After a messy breakup that somehow effected her whole lacrosse team, Becca comes up with an idea in order to prevent history from repeating itself; an unofficial rule that teammates can’t date. But then Hope joins the team and the two find it harder and harder to resist the notion that maybe rules are meant to be broken. I thought Hope and Becca had good chemistry and the representation in this book doesn’t stop at sexual orientation or gender identity, because Hope struggles with dyslexia. However, this book also has unnecessary drama and fondue level cheesiness.

Queer contemporary romance series:

Ashley Blake Herring vs Alexandria Bellefleur, whose work do I prefer?

Easy. Blake takes the cake with Delilah Green Doesn’t Care. Her next additions, Astrid Parker Doesn’t Fail and Iris Kelly Doesn’t Date haven’t been released yet but I’m immensely excited for them. I love Delilah Green Doesn’t Care so much I’m proud to have my own paperback copy sitting on my bookshelf. I plan to write more in-depth about the series as the next two books drop. They have big shoes to fill so hopefully I love them as much as (or better yet, even more than) the first in the series!

When reading Alexandria Bellefleur’s series, I accidentally skipped her second book, Hang the Moon. I got confused and I thought that was her third book but that’s actually Count Your Lucky Stars, which I did read. When I realized my mistake, I decided not to read Hang the Moon because I already knew how it ended after reading the books out of order. I also lost the desire to finish the series because I didn’t love the other two books. That’s not to say I disliked Written in the Stars or Count Your Lucky Stars. There were parts in both I enjoyed (more so in Count Your Lucky Stars, except for an unnecessary fight) and I did love the depicted friendships, but overall they didn’t leave me with the desire to add them to my bookshelf.

That’s it for now but I’ll be back to post more recommendations/reviews on other titles. In the meantime, please let me know if I’ve left out any important trigger warnings or if you have any recommendations for me in these genres. Thank you!

120 notes · View notes

shijiujun · 3 years

Text

on the danmei twitter fight

okay guys i didn’t wanna say anything about this and yes it’s that hot danmei twitter translations saga thing that’s going on, because honestly i feel like there’s nothing much to say but when i see dumb posts on tumblr taking about that, by people who present a misleading hot take and their friends or moots run off with it without even knowing what exactly is going on - it really pisses me off.

and also if you shit talk translators for not continuing their translations or locking their translations whatever - the door is that way on your right and left, but anyway here’s a rundown on what happened because i am seeing people make comments without two brain cells put together, without the slightest bit of consideration for the people who bring them translations

here’s my hot take and thesis: if you enjoy english translations made by fan translators, you don’t, in any way, no matter happens, shit talk fan translators. fan translators do this for free, and whatever their intentions are, whether genuine sharing or like some of you like to say, for clout, if you consume, and you enjoy these translations, i’m sorry, you’re not uninvolved, and you don’t get to sit on a high horse and say translators should or shouldn’t do something. you should just keep quiet, honestly, because someone else is doing you a favour, a favour that you are enjoying and taking. that’s what respect is.

i’m presenting both sides or i guess three sides of the story as objectively as i can, altho my support is still for fan translators who were just minding their own business before this blew up.

===

🔺 what happened:

so it started because one of the bigger translators in the fandom did this poll - i’m not blaming her at all, i doubt she had any intentions of shaming anyone or causing any controversy and was plain curious, but her poll asked english speaking danmei twitter how many people buy the digital, print copies of the danmei they read, and who did not.

in my honest opinion, it’s not strange at all for her to have created that poll, considering just how much work she’s put into making sure things are accessible for the eng-speaking danmei fandom. i mean i’d be curious too, to know out of my thousands of readers, what the reading and buying behaviour is like. do yourself a favour and don’t read too much into it.

obviously in an era where a lot of people do consume content for free whether the underlying content is profit-making (like anime, donghua, manhua, manga etc.) or not (fanfiction etc.), it was unsurprising to see that the last option - the ones who consume danmei without paying a single cent, came out as the majority. i don’t think this is a surprising result at all, for all sorts of reasons that i will not get into now.

anyway, this is obviously kind of a sore point in the fandom especially for translators who want a wider audience to support their fave author’s works - i won’t get into that for now, but the issue began because other translators or fans started to criticize the majority of people who don’t pay for objectively rather affordable danmei and just consume things for free.

and yes, i don’t deny that the argument on both sides got really heated and emotionally charged with both sides calling each other names which i believe is uncalled for, but it totally derailed the crux of the issue, which basically is that the majority of english-speaking danmei fandom - consumes danmei for free.

anyway this whole thing escalated and fan translators were brought into this for no fucking reason at all except that the people who didn’t want, or were unable to pay for the danmei they usually consume, made what i call a LOGICAL FALLACY in argument by going to the extremes, i will explain why later.

the end result is that fan translators were brought into this (most of them, the bigger ones i know at least) without even participating in the direct crossfire. and obviously, you can see why they’re hurt and decided to lock their translations. let me explain why

===

🔺 kind of like four camps:

(1) translators and fans who criticized those who consume danmei liberally but do not pay for them in any way - no merch, no digital copies, no physical copies, no audio dramas whatever

*** their arguments:

danmei is so cheap right, that technically people should be able to pay for it in one way or another, even if not all

danmei and its authors are, at the end of the day, out here to earn a living, and the industry, like any money-making industry, is a for-profit enterprise - and unlike public goods, if you cannot afford danmei, then there is no obligation for others to make it free for you (fan translators or otherwise, it wasn’t super clearly stated while this shitshow happened) when it is inherently a for-profit industry

yes, i don’t deny that some of them did call the peeps who don’t pay at all, “leeches” and other sort of names. personally, i wouldn’t go that far or even like venture there to be honest because in general, if it’s something that i’ll get punched in the face for if i called someone that in real life i tend not to do it, but i’ll leave my opinions, whatever they’re worth, for later

(2) the readers and fans of danmei who do not pay in any sort of way for them

*** their arguments:

some of them really cannot afford, even the dollar or more, to spend on danmei for several reasons: upbringing, culture, money-spending mindsets, real poverty, struggling to make ends meet etc. - some definitely more valid than others (and when i say not valid, it’s because SOME, a minority or like those few stragglers, say they cannot afford and then you see them like idk, throwing $50 on other merch on kpop and stuff - i’m just bringing up ONE example. not shaming anyone for spending more money on one aspect rather than the other, but yeah you can see why some of them, when making this same argument, are a little invalid, that’s just a small number of them tho)

if translators are blaming them for consuming free of charge, then the fault lies, at its foundation, fan translators who translate illegally, which i mean, in that definition, all of them including me

did i mention that we were called illegal translators like you know in response to being called leeches? anyway-

(3) others translators who literally were just minding their own fucking business before some smart alec dragged them into it

i don’t think most of us had an argument. we were just quietly munching on popcorn and staying out of it and yeah, can you imagine, we provide a service, however illegal it is, for free on our own time, we don’t even check whether people support legally or not, we just... provide, and pray that those who are able to, at least support in some small way or another do so, on their own time. i mean i don’t check, most of us don’t, not the bouncers at your local club before COVID happened do, and then suddenly, to be used to derail an argument, we were called illegal translators. and that we should stop translating, and that it is our fault that there are free riders in the fandom

(4) people who offered to provide JJWXC credits to those who said they couldn’t afford it etc.

honestly i think they were just trying to help - no different than a gofundme. there’s no shame in taking a free thing that people already weren’t intending to pay for. it’s there, just take it!

===

🔺 the shitshow that led to fan translators locking their stuff up:

i would provide some actual examples in the form of screenshots but i’ve blocked most of them, and i don’t want to direct any sort of traffic to them so i guess you’ll have to take my word on it or go search on twitter yourself but-

(1) the affordability issue: i can understand the frustration at being called leeches, and some if not a majority of people, do have valid reasons for not being able to afford something or anything and end up pirating content they enjoy. hey, i am not about to crucify anyone for pirating at some point in their lives. we all have done it at some point, or for example hate disney+ and that $30 they were trying to rip off us for a subpar Mulan live action. i don’t have anything to say about that. inherently, is it wrong and illegal? yeah sure of course it is. do we call people leeches? i wouldn’t go that far.

if anyone cannot afford, cannot access for whatever reason, fine, i’m not gonna go check if jjwxc truly is banned in your country, or is your postal service so terrible that you definitely won’t be able to receive a hard copy of the book you like at affordable rates.

and if you have to pirate? go ahead. i mean it’s always been a rampant thing. the only thing fan translators and fans can do is encourage, motivate and incentivise as much as possible to get people to support legally. they can only put up REALLY COMPREHENSIVE guides as to how to access jjwxc or taobao or whatever.

and if you still cannot afford it and pirate, honestly no one cares about the story behind it. you owe no one justification, just as how no other person is obligated to take it into consideration or understand you or empathize with you. i don’t say this in a malicious way - i do think that in general, you just do you.

(2) the poor people don’t deserve nice things argument: honestly, this was not the point of this entire debacle, altho yes, people were rude to those who could not afford to support legally. but this is not the point of this whole thing.

main point - there are free riders who can support but choose not to because they choose to just consume it for free and if you are able to you should support

everyone going off on a tangent - you guys hate poor people / you guys are leeches

well guess what, no one wins in this argument.

there were a lot of people saying “reading danmei is our only source of happiness, are you saying poor people who can’t access legally don’t deserve to read danmei” (this is just one example i’ve seen, there are other variations), and it wasn’t put across perhaps in the right way, but the other camp of people were saying “you’re not entitled to it for free if you cannot afford it”, which raised a lot of hackles and anti-poor yellings

altho i do not deny that there are those who mean it maliciously, i think what everyone is trying to say is - the danmei industry, like any other profit-making industry, is looking to make profits. the people working in the industry, the authors even, are looking at numbers - traffic to jjwxc or other legal platforms, how much revenue they’re making from their live actions etc., comments, rankings, etc. i think @/hunxi-after-hours made a really succinct post on this aspect which yall should read.

it’s the same as - if you wanted to purchase a standee which costs $20 USD, but you cannot afford it = you don’t get it. there’s no way you can get this standee unless some gifts it to you for free. what the camp trying to ask people to support legally is saying, is that danmei is NOT A PUBLIC GOOD. it is a private, for-profit product. it might be intangible, but it is a PRODUCT that has a price that needs to be paid.

if you cannot afford it, you either don’t get access entirely (i’m saying this objectively and honestly from an economic standpoint). if someone gifts that standee to you for free, count yourself lucky - if someone makes a danmei accessible to you for free, COUNT YOURSELF LUCKY. you don’t have to be grateful and treat them as gods or like obey their every word, but it’s not rocket science. someone did you a favour that you accepted and consumed, show some respect.

if you cannot afford to buy the standee - you do not go on twitter demanding that someone ensures that you have access to the standee for free. do you see how ridiculous this sounds once it’s a tangible product? and danmei novels ARE PRODUCTS. they are not FREE CONTENT. if someone cannot afford the standee, this is the equivalent of people going “we didn’t get the standee for free because poor people don’t deserve nice things”

totally missing the point. i don’t even know how it got to this. once again, i do admit that some users were unnecessarily mean, but going to the extreme of this is ridiculous. in argumentative essay writing we call this a logical fallacy:

e.g. “if you cannot pay for merchandise or danmei, it is a fact that you might not have access to it” morphing into “if we cannot pay for food, does this mean we cannot have access to it?!” - this is a slippery slope, and factors are not equivalent!!!! do they not teach people anything in school

don’t confuse fanfiction with danmei - danmei novels ARE PAID PRODUCTS unless for free chapters, just because it’s released online doesn’t mean it’s free public property, and also selected novels (did you guys know the WHOLE of SCI novel is free? about 500 chapters sorry, random, just a tidbit)

there are of course nuances right, like if anyone told me they were pirating disney+ content i’d be like yeah hey get one over those bloodsuckers, they take enough of our money and produce shit content anyway. the difference is that danmei authors, and the danmei industry itself can still be considered a nascent and not-yet matured industry, with a majority of authors if not all, depending on monetary flow, likes, comments, virality on the sites their content is hosted on, for a living, unlike hugeass MNCs trying to squeeze us dry for content that isn’t even interesting.

danmei is priced rather reasonably - and this brings me to another argument that was made, that the value of money is not the same for everyone. i don’t want to make comments on this because yes this is correct to a large extent. a $6 book might be cheap to most of us, but might be expensive to someone else. i’m not gonna comment on how cheap or whatever it is, if you gotta use your money for other things, definitely! i still maintain however, that a novel less than a dollar should be affordable to most people, a majority of people. and i definitely side eye some users who obviously have money but are just creating noise because they wanna continue free-riding

(4) the “they’re losing out on their international audience” argument: honestly, i feel like english-speaking danmei fandom gives themselves a bit too much credit. danmei has long thrived in china in its domestic market - sure the international audience is a plus to have and i’m sure the authors are grateful and flattered that people who don’t understand chinese love their content and love it a lot, but do they and their companies care about fans who basically don’t bring in money? i’m not sure (okay i’ll get to the fan translators doing illegal shit later okay i got it don’t be impatient)

and international fans are great, i don’t deny that - but when i see arguments like “oh but it’s their loss if they don’t cater or deny access to us, they get more popularity and sharing overseas”, i honestly think they don’t care as much as you think. once again, hunxi made a really good argument regarding non-sinophone audiences, but it really irks me, because this is the same as:

an instagram influencer saying they’ll give a restaurant exposure for free to their followers, if they get a free meal

it’s par for par - danmei authors wants earnings, popularity, tangible results that show that they are succeeding. this is life. if i put something out there for sale, i better be getting returns, simple economic logic. they probably don’t care that a non-paying reader is bringing them greater ‘exposure’ - once again, i mean this objectively.

and yes if they’re thriving without the international market then why should it matter that people are pirating right? which brings me to the next point~

(5) it’s fan translators faults for so many people pirating, and fan translators are the ones doing the “illegal” work: this one is like... wow where do i unpack this and how-

firstly, we are talking about assholes who can pay but decide to free ride and not pay for danmei, and we assume that if you really cannot afford and have to pirate, no one’s saying anything as long as you don’t go around spreading how to pirate, how the hell did it get to fan translators from “you guys are anti-poor” and whatever

yes, fan translations are indeed illegal, i don’t deny that, and i also don’t deny that there are translators who translate for clout and popularity but putting these aside - here’s what i have seen from people who ran their mouths and made this argument

“if you guys care about us pirating the book so much than fan translators shouldn’t have translated in the first place” and “if you wanna come after us for reading illegally, then fan translators, you guys should go get the copyright for the book and then translate it cuz what you guys are doing is also illegal”

hooooo i’m telling ya, i am all for translators locking up their translations at this point. see how fucking hurtful that is? you eat from my hand and then now you biting at the hand that fed you the gays in love?

honestly if you’ve made this argument or supported this, you can basically go to hell. yes this is personal because what, you think fan translators don’t take out their personal time and effort and hard work to make translations accessible to you? if you’re ever consumed and read translations, don’t be a hypocrite and make this argument. you benefitted from it, now you wanna say it’s their fault?

most translators want to share and spread the love they have for a novel right, want to show you how wonderful all these authors are, how much enjoyment u get from reading these wonderfully thought out stories of gays in love. yes we all know we are illegally translating, which is why on top of sharing we first, purchase the novels legally ourselves first, and then we try to encourage people to buy etc. and actually put their money to use. it doesn’t make it any less illegal, but we are bridging the gap between danmei and basically the english-speaking fandom, albeit illegally

we aren’t that self-important to ask for gratefulness but some respect would be nice. like i said, you read it, you consumed it, you enjoyed it, you can only access it because of illegal translators - a bit counter-intuitive to yell at these translators, who are simply telling you, if you can, please support. and none of us went “if you cannot afford, begone!”

===

🔺 some people tried to help by offering jjwxc credits so people who cannot afford as they say, can get legal access: honestly, just take it right, guess what some of these users did in response

they said the people giving away credits are trying to redeem themselves for their comments by giving away free stuff

they also said that we are trying to shame the people who cannot afford it with this handout to them, to show that they are the bigger person - the fact that they think this is a handout to them is TELLING. the people offering this is giving their money not to these readers, but to the authors! that’s the point of this exercise!!!

one of them even said “instead of trying to do these giveaways, here, there are greater world problems out there, donate instead to these causes” - love the initiative, but how did we get from being able to afford danmei and entertainment content to saving the world? i just- i cannot

===

🔺 so why i get why fan translators are locking up their translations, because wow, so hurtful:

you have no idea how many fucking assholes went “sure, lock up your translations, deal with the consequences” - ermmmm firstly, thanks for making a threat. like who the fuck do you think you are?

the consequences is... the authors still don’t get the money these free riders weren’t going to give them anyway, so no loss, and they weren’t reading on jjwxc anyway so you know, the authors don’t lose or gain any readership numbers or traffic they didn’t already have. instead, it WILL push and force people to pay for the PRODUCT. once again, it’s a product.

this works, and i’d say Word of Honor’s payment model worked marvellously for Youku, because they fucking forced everyone to pay to access content. ALL OF THEM. sure ok some people still pirated it, but how many MORE people paid on Youku, on Youku Youtube, watched on Viki etc. than if they didn’t? even english-speaking fandom were wracking their brains trying to purchase a Youku pass even if there were no subs initially - and other examples that lovely hunxi brought up in her amazing piece

and for translators?! honestly me for one, i’m glad i don’t feel pressured anymore to churn out a chapter every week since we get called names etc. most of us are glad to have a break to be honest. we’ve lost all motivation to translate because it’s a free service, at the very least we don’t expect like hate, or rudeass fuckers. for those who are doing a proof of purchase thing - go for it honestly!

hopefully it’ll minimize the free rider problem - some people for whatever reasons really cannot buy or support legally, that’s totally cool and they don’t have to justify it, i get that. but for others making the same argument but obviously are just unwilling to pay because they can’t read chinese, think it’s too troublesome when there are guides and translators provide it for free anyway so what’s the point - we all make concessions and make decisions to grab what we like (not talking about the ppl who have their various troubles and difficulties!)

===

🔺 and those who are saying why is it the ‘rest of us suffer’ from locked translations just because of a few bad apples:

IT ISN’T ABOUT YOU. where the hell were all of ya when we were getting called illegal huh? it’s about us fan translators getting shot at for no reason, and then people still demanding things for free. i don’t see any of the people i’ve seen on tumblr complain about fan translators stopping or locking translations defend any of us in any way. instead, you’re complaining.

it is the translator’s prerogative to start, stop and end translations, unless of course the original author starts to sue i suppose. i see people on tumblr going like if they were gonna do this, they shouldn’t have started in the first place etc. - i don’t what world you live in, but when i do something for free, then get called names and am attacked or get dictated on how i should do something that’s already like free, i tend to be less generous.

i’m sorry, do us illegal and free translators owe ANY OF YOU? i wasn’t aware any of us were being paid for this hobby. readers, especially those who CAN and just refuse to support, don’t get to say SHIT. translators deal with so much shit and so many entitled readers, i say they get to lock whatever they want as long as they aren’t profiting off of this monetarily.

let me give you an example - nan chan, which is translated by lian yin, completed translations by the way for all chapters. it is all free for viewing, and she only locked up one extra and asked for proof of payment. some dumbfuck quotes that locked up extra chapter tweet and said “honestly, this turned me off reading this novel because they restricted access”.

the. fucking. entitlement. the whole of nan chan is free, that’s like what more than 80 chapters. she locked up the EXTRA and the money goes to the author, she doesn’t earn anything. AND HERE THAT BIJ is (yes, i’m going to call them names because you know, fucking asshole who didn’t bother to check) going “yeah i didn’t wanna read because 1/80+ chapters were locked”.

AN EXTRA. LITERALLY AN EXTRA!!!!!!

at the end of the day, translators are not like DYING to translate, not like some of you are DYING to read the translations. once again, this isn’t a “BE GRATEFUL” message, it’s a please be respectful to the people who put in time and hard work for free and share the goodness ya know? what’s the use of yelling at fan translators as if we owe you anything?

================

🔴🔴🔴 TOO LONG DIDN’T READ 🔴🔴🔴

some people may need really need to pirate - and no one needs to justify why they cannot afford to purchase etc. pirating happens all the time, translators only hope that when you can, and in whatever way you can, to support legally - in general we don’t ask and we get it! we’re just annoyed that some people think that it SHOULD BE FREE, when it is a paid product, especially for those who CAN afford it

readers are not entitled to shit on translators for what they do with their translations - once again, you’re not OBLIGATED to have it. so what if i start and stop? i’m the one doing the work, i get the only say. don’t be a hypocrite and shit on translators, whose works you’ve read - it’s no loss for translators, we read and enjoy danmei just fine

yes, fan translations are illegal, but you can’t read and enjoy them like some of you have, and then turn around and point the finger at translators - a lot of us are happy to stop translating - this isn’t a threat, but at the end of the day, shitting on translators simply decreases access, and sure, some people can indeed live with you know, MTL or shitty translations from people who’ve learnt chinese for only six months or whatever, but you’re gonna be reading an entirely different book tbh

the people saying illegal translators are at fault - funnily enough, most of them consume the translations, so what the fuck? i mean we know it’s illegal, we’re trying to share the love and trying to minimize the illegalities of it by redirecting people to hopefully support legally. it’s still illegal yes, but i think it’s hypocritical for people who have read translations, stab translators in the back. and now that translators are indeed ‘restricting’ and ‘removing’ their ‘illegal translations’, yall yelling again? and threatening?

fan translators aren’t “elitist” or “classist” - just looking for some respect in a community which seems to have taken them for granted, and also looking for support for their fave authors - and honestly a lot of us were caught in the crossfires truly, don’t be an asshole and demand things from fan translators - who are you talking about? do you know why they decided to lock? do you know know what their locking system is like and what for?

it’s not EASY to lock the translations up - it’s more admin work, it’s putting together a whitelist of people, if given the choice i’m sure translators would prefer to share everything. but not when there are assholes who have a comment on how they should translate etc. and yeah!!! calling us illegal!! i mean we are but still!!

the last straw was seeing that post on tumblr and people in the comments going like fan translators shouldn’t or should do something, without getting the whole picture, without even considering how hard it is for fan translators being caught in this situation.

whoever puts in the work gets to decide, and everyone else should leave them alone.

be nice to the people who really cannot afford as they say so (or just don’t think about it), be nice to the translators feeding you content, and the people who free ride and shit on translators - honestly, i’d say ready the pitchforks.

edit: i forgot to mention this is my hot take and i’ve tried to like present all the arguments i’ve seen so far. i’m definitely not doing all of it justice and i don’t claim to speak on behalf of any of them except maybe one or two- and i’ve definitely left out stuff, but anyway, lmao we’re just tiny people doing what we love. i wish we could solve you know inequality or poverty or hunger or other pressing concerns. if i was that great i wouldn’t be stuck on tumblr or twitter or have to make posts like these like a loser.

thanks for coming to my ted talk.

#danmei #danmei twitter #rambles #long post #literally cannot take the stupidity of some people anymore

452 notes · View notes

blackwoolncrown · 4 years

Link

”This essay has been kicking around in my head for years now and I’ve never felt confident enough to write it. It’s a time in my life I’m ashamed of. It’s a time that I hurt people and, through inaction, allowed others to be hurt. It’s a time that I acted as a violent agent of capitalism and white supremacy. Under the guise of public safety, I personally ruined people’s lives but in so doing, made the public no safer… so did the family members and close friends of mine who also bore the badge alongside me.

But enough is enough.

The reforms aren’t working. Incrementalism isn’t happening. Unarmed Black, indigenous, and people of color are being killed by cops in the streets and the police are savagely attacking the people protesting these murders.

American policing is a thick blue tumor strangling the life from our communities and if you don’t believe it when the poor and the marginalized say it, if you don’t believe it when you see cops across the country shooting journalists with less-lethal bullets and caustic chemicals, maybe you’ll believe it when you hear it straight from the pig’s mouth.”

>>Copied here in case anyone gets paywalled when they click the above. The full article is...a lot.<<

WHY AM I WRITING THIS

As someone who went through the training, hiring, and socialization of a career in law enforcement, I wanted to give a first-hand account of why I believe police officers are the way they are. Not to excuse their behavior, but to explain it and to indict the structures that perpetuate it.

I believe that if everyone understood how we’re trained and brought up in the profession, it would inform the demands our communities should be making of a new way of community safety. If I tell you how we were made, I hope it will empower you to unmake us.

One of the other reasons I’ve struggled to write this essay is that I don’t want to center the conversation on myself and my big salty boo-hoo feelings about my bad choices. It’s a toxic white impulse to see atrocities and think “How can I make this about me?” So, I hope you’ll take me at my word that this account isn’t meant to highlight me, but rather the hundred thousand of me in every city in the country. It’s about the structure that made me (that I chose to pollute myself with) and it’s my meager contribution to the cause of radical justice.

YES, ALL COPS ARE BASTARDS

I was a police officer in a major metropolitan area in California with a predominantly poor, non-white population (with a large proportion of first-generation immigrants). One night during briefing, our watch commander told us that the city council had requested a new zero tolerance policy. Against murderers, drug dealers, or child predators?

No, against homeless people collecting cans from recycling bins.

See, the city had some kickback deal with the waste management company where waste management got paid by the government for our expected tonnage of recycling. When homeless people “stole” that recycling from the waste management company, they were putting that cheaper contract in peril. So, we were to arrest as many recyclers as we could find.

Even for me, this was a stupid policy and I promptly blew Sarge off. But a few hours later, Sarge called me over to assist him. He was detaining a 70 year old immigrant who spoke no English, who he’d seen picking a coke can out of a trash bin. He ordered me to arrest her for stealing trash. I said, “Sarge, c’mon, she’s an old lady.” He said, “I don’t give a shit. Hook her up, that’s an order.” And… I did. She cried the entire way to the station and all through the booking process. I couldn’t even comfort her because I didn’t speak Spanish. I felt disgusting but I was ordered to make this arrest and I wasn’t willing to lose my job for her.

If you’re tempted to feel sympathy for me, don’t. I used to happily hassle the homeless under other circumstances. I researched obscure penal codes so I could arrest people in homeless encampments for lesser known crimes like “remaining too close to railroad property” (369i of the California Penal Code). I used to call it “planting warrant seeds” since I knew they wouldn’t make their court dates and we could arrest them again and again for warrant violations.

We used to have informal contests for who could cite or arrest someone for the weirdest law. DUI on a bicycle, non-regulation number of brooms on your tow truck (27700(a)(1) of the California Vehicle Code)… shit like that. For me, police work was a logic puzzle for arresting people, regardless of their actual threat to the community. As ashamed as I am to admit it, it needs to be said: stripping people of their freedom felt like a game to me for many years.

I know what you’re going to ask: did I ever plant drugs? Did I ever plant a gun on someone? Did I ever make a false arrest or file a false report? Believe it or not, the answer is no. Cheating was no fun, I liked to get my stats the “legitimate” way. But I knew officers who kept a little baggie of whatever or maybe a pocket knife that was a little too big in their war bags (yeah, we called our dufflebags “war bags”…). Did I ever tell anybody about it? No I did not. Did I ever confess my suspicions when cocaine suddenly showed up in a gang member’s jacket? No I did not.

In fact, let me tell you about an extremely formative experience: in my police academy class, we had a clique of around six trainees who routinely bullied and harassed other students: intentionally scuffing another trainee’s shoes to get them in trouble during inspection, sexually harassing female trainees, cracking racist jokes, and so on. Every quarter, we were to write anonymous evaluations of our squadmates. I wrote scathing accounts of their behavior, thinking I was helping keep bad apples out of law enforcement and believing I would be protected. Instead, the academy staff read my complaints to them out loud and outed me to them and never punished them, causing me to get harassed for the rest of my academy class. That’s how I learned that even police leadership hates rats. That’s why no one is “changing things from the inside.” They can’t, the structure won’t allow it.

And that’s the point of what I’m telling you. Whether you were my sergeant, legally harassing an old woman, me, legally harassing our residents, my fellow trainees bullying the rest of us, or “the bad apples” illegally harassing “shitbags”, we were all in it together. I knew cops that pulled women over to flirt with them. I knew cops who would pepper spray sleeping bags so that homeless people would have to throw them away. I knew cops that intentionally provoked anger in suspects so they could claim they were assaulted. I was particularly good at winding people up verbally until they lashed out so I could fight them. Nobody spoke out. Nobody stood up. Nobody betrayed the code.

None of us protected the people (you) from bad cops.

This is why “All cops are bastards.” Even your uncle, even your cousin, even your mom, even your brother, even your best friend, even your spouse, even me. Because even if they wouldn’t Do The Thing themselves, they will almost never rat out another officer who Does The Thing, much less stop it from happening.

BASTARD 101

I could write an entire book of the awful things I’ve done, seen done, and heard others bragging about doing. But, to me, the bigger question is “How did it get this way?”. While I was a police officer in a city 30 miles from where I lived, many of my fellow officers were from the community and treated their neighbors just as badly as I did. While every cop’s individual biases come into play, it’s the profession itself that is toxic, and it starts from day 1 of training.

Every police academy is different but all of them share certain features: taught by old cops, run like a paramilitary bootcamp, strong emphasis on protecting yourself more than anyone else. The majority of my time in the academy was spent doing aggressive physical training and watching video after video after video of police officers being murdered on duty.

I want to highlight this: nearly everyone coming into law enforcement is bombarded with dash cam footage of police officers being ambushed and killed. Over and over and over. Colorless VHS mortality plays, cops screaming for help over their radios, their bodies going limp as a pair of tail lights speed away into a grainy black horizon. In my case, with commentary from an old racist cop who used to brag about assaulting Black Panthers.

To understand why all cops are bastards, you need to understand one of the things almost every training officer told me when it came to using force:

“I’d rather be judged by 12 than carried by 6.”

Meaning, “I’ll take my chances in court rather than risk getting hurt”. We’re able to think that way because police unions are extremely overpowered and because of the generous concept of Qualified Immunity, a legal theory which says a cop generally can’t be held personally liable for mistakes they make doing their job in an official capacity.

When you look at the actions of the officers who killed George Floyd, Breonna Taylor, David McAtee, Mike Brown, Tamir Rice, Philando Castile, Eric Garner, or Freddie Gray, remember that they, like me, were trained to recite “I’d rather be judged by 12” as a mantra. Even if Mistakes Were Made™, the city (meaning the taxpayers, meaning you) pays the settlement, not the officer.

Once police training has - through repetition, indoctrination, and violent spectacle - promised officers that everyone in the world is out to kill them, the next lesson is that your partners are the only people protecting you. Occasionally, this is even true: I’ve had encounters turn on me rapidly to the point I legitimately thought I was going to die, only to have other officers come and turn the tables.

One of the most important thought leaders in law enforcement is Col. Dave Grossman, a “killologist” who wrote an essay called “Sheep, Wolves, and Sheepdogs”. Cops are the sheepdogs, bad guys are the wolves, and the citizens are the sheep (!). Col. Grossman makes sure to mention that to a stupid sheep, sheepdogs look more like wolves than sheep, and that’s why they dislike you.

This “they hate you for protecting them and only I love you, only I can protect you” tactic is familiar to students of abuse. It’s what abusers do to coerce their victims into isolation, pulling them away from friends and family and ensnaring them in the abuser’s toxic web. Law enforcement does this too, pitting the officer against civilians. “They don’t understand what you do, they don’t respect your sacrifice, they just want to get away with crimes. You’re only safe with us.”

I think the Wolves vs. Sheepdogs dynamic is one of the most important elements as to why officers behave the way they do. Every single second of my training, I was told that criminals were not a legitimate part of their community, that they were individual bad actors, and that their bad actions were solely the result of their inherent criminality. Any concept of systemic trauma, generational poverty, or white supremacist oppression was either never mentioned or simply dismissed. After all, most people don’t steal, so anyone who does isn’t “most people,” right? To us, anyone committing a crime deserved anything that happened to them because they broke the “social contract.” And yet, it was never even a question as to whether the power structure above them was honoring any sort of contract back.

Understand: Police officers are part of the state monopoly on violence and all police training reinforces this monopoly as a cornerstone of police work, a source of honor and pride. Many cops fantasize about getting to kill someone in the line of duty, egged on by others that have. One of my training officers told me about the time he shot and killed a mentally ill homeless man wielding a big stick. He bragged that he “slept like a baby” that night. Official training teaches you how to be violent effectively and when you’re legally allowed to deploy that violence, but “unofficial training” teaches you to desire violence, to expand the breadth of your violence without getting caught, and to erode your own compassion for desperate people so you can justify punitive violence against them.

HOW TO BE A BASTARD

I have participated in some of these activities personally, others are ones I either witnessed personally or heard officers brag about openly. Very, very occasionally, I knew an officer who was disciplined or fired for one of these things.

Police officers will lie about the law, about what’s illegal, or about what they can legally do to you in order to manipulate you into doing what they want.

Police officers will lie about feeling afraid for their life to justify a use of force after the fact.

Police officers will lie and tell you they’ll file a police report just to get you off their back.

Police officers will lie that your cooperation will “look good for you” in court, or that they will “put in a good word for you with the DA.” The police will never help you look good in court.

Police officers will lie about what they see and hear to access private property to conduct unlawful searches.

Police officers will lie and say your friend already ratted you out, so you might as well rat them back out. This is almost never true.

Police officers will lie and say you’re not in trouble in order to get you to exit a location or otherwise make an arrest more convenient for them.

Police officers will lie and say that they won’t arrest you if you’ll just “be honest with them” so they know what really happened.

Police officers will lie about their ability to seize the property of friends and family members to coerce a confession.

Police officers will write obviously bullshit tickets so that they get time-and-a-half overtime fighting them in court.

Police officers will search places and containers you didn’t consent to and later claim they were open or “smelled like marijuana”.

Police officers will threaten you with a more serious crime they can’t prove in order to convince you to confess to the lesser crime they really want you for.

Police officers will employ zero tolerance on races and ethnicities they dislike and show favor and lenience to members of their own group.

Police officers will use intentionally extra-painful maneuvers and holds during an arrest to provoke “resistance” so they can further assault the suspect.

Some police officers will plant drugs and weapons on you, sometimes to teach you a lesson, sometimes if they kill you somewhere away from public view.

Some police officers will assault you to intimidate you and threaten to arrest you if you tell anyone.

A non-trivial number of police officers will steal from your house or vehicle during a search.

A non-trivial number of police officers commit intimate partner violence and use their status to get away with it.

A non-trivial number of police officers use their position to entice, coerce, or force sexual favors from vulnerable people.

If you take nothing else away from this essay, I want you to tattoo this onto your brain forever: if a police officer is telling you something, it is probably a lie designed to gain your compliance.

Do not talk to cops and never, ever believe them. Do not “try to be helpful” with cops. Do not assume they are trying to catch someone else instead of you. Do not assume what they are doing is “important” or even legal. Under no circumstances assume any police officer is acting in good faith.

Also, and this is important, do not talk to cops.

I just remembered something, do not talk to cops.

Checking my notes real quick, something jumped out at me:

not

fucking

talk

cops.

Ever.

Say, “I don’t answer questions,” and ask if you’re free to leave; if so, leave. If not, tell them you want your lawyer and that, per the Supreme Court, they must terminate questioning. If they don’t, file a complaint and collect some badges for your mantle.

DO THE BASTARDS EVER HELP?

Reading the above, you may be tempted to ask whether cops ever do anything good. And the answer is, sure, sometimes. In fact, most officers I worked with thought they were usually helping the helpless and protecting the safety of innocent people.

During my tenure in law enforcement, I protected women from domestic abusers, arrested cold-blooded murderers and child molesters, and comforted families who lost children to car accidents and other tragedies. I helped connect struggling people in my community with local resources for food, shelter, and counseling. I deescalated situations that could have turned violent and talked a lot of people down from making the biggest mistake of their lives. I worked with plenty of officers who were individually kind, bought food for homeless residents, or otherwise showed care for their community.

The question is this: did I need a gun and sweeping police powers to help the average person on the average night? The answer is no. When I was doing my best work as a cop, I was doing mediocre work as a therapist or a social worker. My good deeds were listening to people failed by the system and trying to unite them with any crumbs of resources the structure was currently denying them.

It’s also important to note that well over 90% of the calls for service I handled were reactive, showing up well after a crime had taken place. We would arrive, take a statement, collect evidence (if any), file the report, and onto the next caper. Most “active” crimes we stopped were someone harmless possessing or selling a small amount of drugs. Very, very rarely would we stop something dangerous in progress or stop something from happening entirely. The closest we could usually get was seeing someone running away from the scene of a crime, but the damage was still done.

And consider this: my job as a police officer required me to be a marriage counselor, a mental health crisis professional, a conflict negotiator, a social worker, a child advocate, a traffic safety expert, a sexual assault specialist, and, every once in awhile, a public safety officer authorized to use force, all after only a 1000 hours of training at a police academy. Does the person we send to catch a robber also need to be the person we send to interview a rape victim or document a fender bender? Should one profession be expected to do all that important community care (with very little training) all at the same time?

To put this another way: I made double the salary most social workers made to do a fraction of what they could do to mitigate the causes of crimes and desperation. I can count very few times my monopoly on state violence actually made our citizens safer, and even then, it’s hard to say better-funded social safety nets and dozens of other community care specialists wouldn’t have prevented a problem before it started.

Armed, indoctrinated (and dare I say, traumatized) cops do not make you safer; community mutual aid networks who can unite other people with the resources they need to stay fed, clothed, and housed make you safer. I really want to hammer this home: every cop in your neighborhood is damaged by their training, emboldened by their immunity, and they have a gun and the ability to take your life with near-impunity. This does not make you safer, even if you’re white.

HOW DO YOU SOLVE A PROBLEM LIKE A BASTARD?

So what do we do about it? Even though I’m an expert on bastardism, I am not a public policy expert nor an expert in organizing a post-police society. So, before I give some suggestions, let me tell you what probably won’t solve the problem of bastard cops:

Increased “bias” training. A quarterly or even monthly training session is not capable of covering over years of trauma-based camaraderie in police forces. I can tell you from experience, we don’t take it seriously, the proctors let us cheat on whatever “tests” there are, and we all made fun of it later over coffee.

Tougher laws. I hope you understand by now, cops do not follow the law and will not hold each other accountable to the law. Tougher laws are all the more reason to circle the wagons and protect your brothers and sisters.

More community policing programs. Yes, there is a marginal effect when a few cops get to know members of the community, but look at the protests of 2020: many of the cops pepper-spraying journalists were probably the nice school cop a month ago.

Police officers do not protect and serve people, they protect and serve the status quo, “polite society”, and private property. Using the incremental mechanisms of the status quo will never reform the police because the status quo relies on police violence to exist. Capitalism requires a permanent underclass to exploit for cheap labor and it requires the cops to bring that underclass to heel.

Instead of wasting time with minor tweaks, I recommend exploring the following ideas:

No more qualified immunity. Police officers should be personally liable for all decisions they make in the line of duty.

No more civil asset forfeiture. Did you know that every year, citizens like you lose more cash and property to unaccountable civil asset forfeiture than to all burglaries combined? The police can steal your stuff without charging you with a crime and it makes some police departments very rich.

Break the power of police unions. Police unions make it nearly impossible to fire bad cops and incentivize protecting them to protect the power of the union. A police union is not a labor union; police officers are powerful state agents, not exploited workers.

Require malpractice insurance. Doctors must pay for insurance in case they botch a surgery, police officers should do the same for botching a police raid or other use of force. If human decency won’t motivate police to respect human life, perhaps hitting their wallet might.

Defund, demilitarize, and disarm cops. Thousands of police departments own assault rifles, armored personnel carriers, and stuff you’d see in a warzone. Police officers have grants and huge budgets to spend on guns, ammo, body armor, and combat training. 99% of calls for service require no armed response, yet when all you have is a gun, every problem feels like target practice. Cities are not safer when unaccountable bullies have a monopoly on state violence and the equipment to execute that monopoly.

One final idea: consider abolishing the police.

I know what you’re thinking, “What? We need the police! They protect us!” As someone who did it for nearly a decade, I need you to understand that by and large, police protection is marginal, incidental. It’s an illusion created by decades of copaganda designed to fool you into thinking these brave men and women are holding back the barbarians at the gates.

I alluded to this above: the vast majority of calls for service I handled were theft reports, burglary reports, domestic arguments that hadn’t escalated into violence, loud parties, (houseless) people loitering, traffic collisions, very minor drug possession, and arguments between neighbors. Mostly the mundane ups and downs of life in the community, with little inherent danger. And, like I mentioned, the vast majority of crimes I responded to (even violent ones) had already happened; my unaccountable license to kill was irrelevant.

What I mainly provided was an “objective” third party with the authority to document property damage, ask people to chill out or disperse, or counsel people not to beat each other up. A trained counselor or conflict resolution specialist would be ten times more effective than someone with a gun strapped to his hip wondering if anyone would try to kill him when he showed up. There are many models for community safety that can be explored if we get away from the idea that the only way to be safe is to have a man with a M4 rifle prowling your neighborhood ready at a moment’s notice to write down your name and birthday after you’ve been robbed and beaten.

You might be asking, “What about the armed robbers, the gangsters, the drug dealers, the serial killers?” And yes, in the city I worked, I regularly broke up gang parties, found gang members carrying guns, and handled homicides. I’ve seen some tragic things, from a reformed gangster shot in the head with his brains oozing out to a fifteen year old boy taking his last breath in his screaming mother’s arms thanks to a gang member’s bullet. I know the wages of violence.

This is where we have to have the courage to ask: why do people rob? Why do they join gangs? Why do they get addicted to drugs or sell them? It’s not because they are inherently evil. I submit to you that these are the results of living in a capitalist system that grinds people down and denies them housing, medical care, human dignity, and a say in their government. These are the results of white supremacy pushing people to the margins, excluding them, disrespecting them, and treating their bodies as disposable.

Equally important to remember: disabled and mentally ill people are frequently killed by police officers not trained to recognize and react to disabilities or mental health crises. Some of the people we picture as “violent offenders” are often people struggling with untreated mental illness, often due to economic hardships. Very frequently, the officers sent to “protect the community” escalate this crisis and ultimately wound or kill the person. Your community was not made safer by police violence; a sick member of your community was killed because it was cheaper than treating them. Are you extremely confident you’ll never get sick one day too?

Wrestle with this for a minute: if all of someone’s material needs were met and all the members of their community were fed, clothed, housed, and dignified, why would they need to join a gang? Why would they need to risk their lives selling drugs or breaking into buildings? If mental healthcare was free and was not stigmatized, how many lives would that save?

Would there still be a few bad actors in the world? Sure, probably. What’s my solution for them, you’re no doubt asking. I’ll tell you what: generational poverty, food insecurity, houselessness, and for-profit medical care are all problems that can be solved in our lifetimes by rejecting the dehumanizing meat grinder of capitalism and white supremacy. Once that’s done, we can work on the edge cases together, with clearer hearts not clouded by a corrupt system.

Police abolition is closely related to the idea of prison abolition and the entire concept of banishing the carceral state, meaning, creating a society focused on reconciliation and restorative justice instead of punishment, pain, and suffering — a system that sees people in crisis as humans, not monsters. People who want to abolish the police typically also want to abolish prisons, and the same questions get asked: “What about the bad guys? Where do we put them?” I bring this up because abolitionists don’t want to simply replace cops with armed social workers or prisons with casual detention centers full of puffy leather couches and Playstations. We imagine a world not divided into good guys and bad guys, but rather a world where people’s needs are met and those in crisis receive care, not dehumanization.

Here’s legendary activist and thinker Angela Y. Davis putting it better than I ever could:

“An abolitionist approach that seeks to answer questions such as these would require us to imagine a constellation of alternative strategies and institutions, with the ultimate aim of removing the prison from the social and ideological landscapes of our society. In other words, we would not be looking for prisonlike substitutes for the prison, such as house arrest safeguarded by electronic surveillance bracelets. Rather, positing decarceration as our overarching strategy, we would try to envision a continuum of alternatives to imprisonment-demilitarization of schools, revitalization of education at all levels, a health system that provides free physical and mental care to all, and a justice system based on reparation and reconciliation rather than retribution and vengeance.”

(Are Prisons Obsolete, pg. 107)

I’m not telling you I have the blueprint for a beautiful new world. What I’m telling you is that the system we have right now is broken beyond repair and that it’s time to consider new ways of doing community together. Those new ways need to be negotiated by members of those communities, particularly Black, indigenous, disabled, houseless, and citizens of color historically shoved into the margins of society. Instead of letting Fox News fill your head with nightmares about Hispanic gangs, ask the Hispanic community what they need to thrive. Instead of letting racist politicians scaremonger about pro-Black demonstrators, ask the Black community what they need to meet the needs of the most vulnerable. If you truly desire safety, ask not what your most vulnerable can do for the community, ask what the community can do for the most vulnerable.

A WORLD WITH FEWER BASTARDS IS POSSIBLE

If you take only one thing away from this essay, I hope it’s this: do not talk to cops. But if you only take two things away, I hope the second one is that it’s possible to imagine a different world where unarmed black people, indigenous people, poor people, disabled people, and people of color are not routinely gunned down by unaccountable police officers. It doesn’t have to be this way. Yes, this requires a leap of faith into community models that might feel unfamiliar, but I ask you:

When you see a man dying in the street begging for breath, don’t you want to leap away from that world?

When you see a mother or a daughter shot to death sleeping in their beds, don’t you want to leap away from that world?

When you see a twelve year old boy executed in a public park for the crime of playing with a toy, jesus fucking christ, can you really just stand there and think “This is normal”?

And to any cops who made it this far down, is this really the world you want to live in? Aren’t you tired of the trauma? Aren’t you tired of the soul sickness inherent to the badge? Aren’t you tired of looking the other way when your partners break the law? Are you really willing to kill the next George Floyd, the next Breonna Taylor, the next Tamir Rice? How confident are you that your next use of force will be something you’re proud of? I’m writing this for you too: it’s wrong what our training did to us, it’s wrong that they hardened our hearts to our communities, and it’s wrong to pretend this is normal.

Look, I wouldn’t have been able to hear any of this for much of my life. You reading this now may not be able to hear this yet either. But do me this one favor: just think about it. Just turn it over in your mind for a couple minutes. “Yes, And” me for a minute. Look around you and think about the kind of world you want to live in. Is it one where an all-powerful stranger with a gun keeps you and your neighbors in line with the fear of death, or can you picture a world where, as a community, we embrace our most vulnerable, meet their needs, heal their wounds, honor their dignity, and make them family instead of desperate outsiders?

If you take only three things away from this essay, I hope the third is this: you and your community don’t need bastards to thrive.

RESOURCES TO YES-AND WITH

Achele Mbembe — Necropolitics

Angela Y. Davis — Are Prisons Obsolete?

CriticalResistance.org — Abolition Toolkit

Joe Macaré, Maya Schenwar, and Alana Yu-lan Price — Who Do You Serve, Who Do You Protect?

Ruth Wilson Gilmore — COVID-19, Decarceration, Abolition [video]

#acab

5K notes · View notes

ggreactionsandscenarios · 3 years

Text

Soojin x Reader

Requested by : anon

Library Peace 🔞

There was no word strong enough to describe how you hated having to do group projects but there was one for how much you hated the partner you got paired with : to death.

Soojin was definitely your worst nightmare since the really beginning of times. She was the type of person to think her opinion was better than other's just because it was hers. You were polar opposites in all aspects and weren't eager to interact or even acknowledge each other's existence.

There was literally nothing you could rely on in her that would make her more likeable in your eyes. And even if there was you weren't sure you wanted to see it, you were fine with hating her, it was helping you be better at everything. Because everything was a competition of ideas and values between the two of you.

As you entered the library, you didn't know if you were glad she wasn't there yet or pissed because she was already wasting your time. After waiting few minutes, your foot shaking from impatience, you decided to just go ahead and do the work on your own.

If this girl didn't care about marks and bonus points you sure did and weren't about to loose any for her.

You started looking for the books you'll need, rummaging through the shelfs to get every book out. It's only when you got to the last section that you understood why you were struggling so much to find what you needed.

Soojin was standing there arms full of books, some even opened at some specific pages, she was looking for the last like you were about to.

Saying you were pissed wasn't even a quarter of the truth, you were fuming. The bitch literally made you wait like a fool while she was right there doing everything by herself.

Yes you did attempt to do the same but you had the decency to pretend to wait for her, you tried when she clearly didn't, it probably didn't even cross her mind.

Busy reading two books at the same time, Soojin didn't even spared you a glance until you shut one of your books close and even then her glance was fast and unbothered. Her eyes got back to the paper as fast as they took a look at you.

"Someone else took the last book, we'll have to start without it."

Soojin's voice was surprisingly calm and almost gentle, not that you would know how her voice normally sounds like, you tend to avoid listening to anything that could pass her lips.

The realization that she was actually ready to co-operate was making you feel slightly guilty to have judge her actions that you knew nothing about, so easily. Yet you were fast to remember who you were talking about and how annoying she has been in the past. A single slightly polite act would never change how irritating she was.

You ended up following her because even though you'll love spending your time cursing her in your mind you still had an essay to write and you weren't ready to let her get a better grade than you.

In the end having twice as much books as needed was the minimum because you couldn’t imagine how it’d went if you had to share and get closer to Soojin to be able to read.

Maybe you talked too fast and karma is indeed a bitch because not even fifteen minutes later the librarian was making her way to the both of you and asking you to give back the extra copies because other students needed them.

Seeing that Soojin wasn’t willing to move, you were the one making the sacrifice, giving her the books.

You tried to work only using your sheet of paper and what you already wrote but of course you couldn’t just passed out on writing the quotes and understanding the context. After a minute you abdicted.

“Could I borrow one of your books please ?”

Soojin took her time finishing to write her sentence before looking at you in the eyes and answering simply.

“No.”

Even though you knew she wasn’t someone nice on a regular basis you were astonished by her answer, she clearly didn’t give a fuck about doing the work as a pair. You were ready to just leave when she added somehing.

“But you can sit beside me. I won’t bite you.”

You sighed, but did stand up to sit beside your rival.

“If that sigh was about the no biting part, I’m all about changing it, I wouldn’t mind biting down that neck.”

That was unexpected, you thought and terribly sexy in a way. You wouldn’t deny that Soojin was extremely beautiful and exactly your type, long black hair, dancing skills given by god, overflowing confidence, tattoos and so on.

Without you knowing your cheeks had reddened at the thought of how physically perfect Soojin was, that lustful glance Soojin was giving to your exposed neck wasn’t helping your horny mind either.

You tried to remember why you hated her so much but when her fingers met your tigh your mind was suddenly blank. She wasn’t even doing much but you were already embarrassingly wet.

On the other hand Soojin was perfectly and terribly calm, way too calm compared to how crazy this situation was. She looked unbothered and even when her hand got from above your knee to your inner tigh, she didn’t even look at you as if it was completly normal for her to touch you that way.

As much as you internly claimed that it was crazy, you had no intention in stopping her. Sure she was your ‘ennemie’ but maybe the ‘hate’ you seemed to feel towards her was nothing but frustration because you were sure you couldn’t have her.

Her hand making her way inside your panties was telling you otherwise though. Seems like you actually could have her but this realisation hit you enough for you to grab her wrist and stand up, making her turn to you.

“What are you doing ?”

Soojin looked at you confused before answering.

“What does it look like I’m doing ? Because I thought it was pretty clear until now.”

“Well yes I know what you’re doing but why ? Aren’t we suppose to hate each other ?”

Soojin escaped a laughter and stood up, taking a step closer to you in the process.

“Oh yeah ? I don’t remember agreeing to that.”

“Well you did get back at me everytime I say something though.”

“I thought we were just flirting.”

“Oh...”

Saying you were shocked would be an understatement, she didn’t hated you. You didn’t get to think much more, stopped by lips crashing on your own. The gentle kiss didn’t last long, Soojin breaking it to look at you. Her arms were on both sides of you, caging you between her and the bookshelf.

“Can we go back to what we were doing now ?”

“Yes.”

The word escaped your lips before you could process anything and you couldn’t think about it after because Soojin’s tongue was asking entrance in your mouth and that was way more captivating than thinking right now.

Soojin didn’t even needed to fight to be the one dominating the kiss, everything seemed way too unreal for you to take the lead. Yet you weren’t mad about it, her tongue was dancing the sexiest dance ever with yours.

You were wondering if someone could see you even though you were in a pretty secluded area. A thought that was cut off once Soojin’s mouth began traveling down your neck to your colarbone, letting a moan escape your mouth as she bite you.

The hell did you care about being seen, right now the only thing that mattered was Soojin fingers playing with your clit while her mouth was playing with one of your nipple.

You didn't even remember when she unbuttoned your shirt but she sure did and was now enjoying seeing and touching your breast.

The rhythm of her fingers over you clit was terribly slow not letting you reach orgasm the slightest bit. Well that was until she finally decided to slip a finger into your dripping core earning a loud moan from you.

She stopped her movements to scold you.

"We are in a library, you should know that you cannot scream here baby. I'm the only one who can hear you moan and whimper under my touch, understood ?"

Your mind was messed up, you just wanted to cum so you nodded wanting her to keep going at all cost. Which she did.

Not even minutes after she got back to pleasing you, she had to muffle your voice as you cummed all over her fingers.

Her hand circled your waist keeping you from falling while she was putting your shirt back on and straightening your pants.

She didn't talk until your breathing calmed down, wanting you to be able to respond to whatever she was about to say.

For some reason now that you were looking at her you noticed how she wasn't that confident anymore.

"I.."

You cut her off by kissing her, something you madly wanted to do since earlier but didn't had the chance to.

The kiss took her by surprise, shading her cheeks in pink. You didn't know what the sudden shyness was about but you did find it cute that after giving you the biggest orgasm your friennemy was suddenly becoming shy.

"What was that about ?"

"I thought that was pretty clear what it was about, I kinda like you."

Hey, here it is finally ! I made it slightly longer than expected but I had to put Soojin's duality in it, hope you like it 😁🤞 Give feedback. -Ael

#(g)idle soojin #girl group #kpop girls #girl group scenarios #seo soojin #soojin #soojin smut #soojinxreader #soojin x reader #(g)idle #(g)i-dle #(g)i-dle smut #soojin scenario #soojin imagine #seo soojin x reader #(g)i-dle scenarios

313 notes · View notes