#my aches have gotten better so thats nice! my back is still on fire and i still cant flex any muscles near my stomach without pain though

[boonki]

Could you please maybe do “Your health is deteriorating. Take a break or I’ll make you.” from those prompts? Your writing’s amazing, you’re good with words, and made them glow in a unique way, hope you know that

OKAY FIRST OF ALL

this ask has lived rent free in my mind since you sent it like a billion years ago- thats such a nice compliment 😭😭😭💖💖💖 “made them glow in a unique way” oh my god im going to pin that to my mirror and read it every day

i decided to make this a continuation of the sickfic @sonderwalker and I have been writing which you can read on ao3 here, set in the future when they’ve already gotten together! its not as long as my other drabbles, im sorry 🥺this ones short and sweet with a sick obi-wan

enjoy! reblogs make my day 🥺💖

(also can you tell that i finally learned how to type an em-dash LOL)

__________

The delicate pink of the wispy cherry blossoms outside brings spring into the humid and intimate corners of Obi-wan’s office, where he sits, scribbling away at a student’s essay. The setting sun glows warmly onto the smooth and hardened wood of his shelves, the spines of the books glimmering, as if on fire. As always, he’s waited until the last minute to finish grading the students’ midterms, caught up with other work and extracurriculars. He glances at the clock — he should be at home by now, eating, or reading, but a weary gander down at the thick stack of paper that sits to the left of him politely reports that he’ll be here until the early hours of the morning. 

He sighs loudly, head pounding in time with his heartbeat.

Speaking of one of his extracurriculars, a grinning head pops in past the door frame, golden curls bouncing with the motion. 

“There’s my sexy professor, doing”—Anakin wanders closer to Obi-wan’s desk, tilting his head to catch the typed words on the paper Obi-wan is currently marking— “what are you doing?” 

Obi-wan regards him with a sluggish, but warm smile, the splintering pain in his forehead easing a bit with Anakin’s presence. “Grading, dear one.” He ghosts a hand over the hollow of his throat, surprised at how scratchy his voice came out, how much it hurt to talk. “What are you doing here?” he croaks out. 

Anakin, unfortunately, notices his sore throat immediately, all of his easy playfulness vanishing. “You feeling okay?” He ignores Obi-wan’s question and stalks around the desk to grab at Obi-wan’s head, but Obi-wan bats his hands away; they come to rest on the sides of his face anyways, palms cupping his cheeks. 

“Perfectly fine.” Obi-wan lies, wincing with each word. 

Anakin’s eyebrows go flat, as with his lips: he’s unimpressed. “Why don’t you take a break? You’re making yourself sick.” He’s staring down at Obi-wan with such open concern, and it pulls at Obi-wan’s delicate heartstrings. Nothing sounds better than going straight home to curl into bed with Anakin and wrap himself around the sturdy wall of Anakin’s back, but— 

“I can’t, love. I’ve got so much to do still.” Obi-wan pleads with him, resting his hands over Anakin’s on his face. “These have got to get graded by tomorrow night.” 

“Then you’ve got all day tomorrow and tomorrow night to finish them!” Anakin’s tone is incredulous. Still a college student at heart, Obi-wan thinks fondly. 

“It doesn’t work like that.” 

Anakin narrows his eyes. “Take a break, or I’ll make you.” 

And that truly does make Obi-wan smile, even if his temples ache with the motion. “Oh?” he says, as a tease, or a challenge, he can’t decide. He lowers his voice. “Then make me.” 

Obi-wan can see the gears turning in Anakin’s head, clearly not prepared to follow through with his threat. He’s too distracted by the swell of affection running off with his mind and soul to notice Anakin eyeing his mountain of essays. Only Anakin, his dear Anakin, would create such a childish bluff. 

In an instant, Anakin weaves his hands out from underneath Obi-wan’s and fists the essays, running off into the hall with them. Obi-wan blinks in shock at the empty space, both of Anakin and on his desk, shock that quickly turns into amused outrage. 

“Anakin—” he tries to call out, but his voice is too strained, and the last syllable of his name is lost. As he gets up to play his part in the chase, his knees pop and his vision goes momentarily white: he stood up too quickly.  

Anakin is standing smug in the hallway with his hands behind his back when Obi-wan eventually manages to stumble out of his office, leaning against the door frame for support. Obi-wan rubs at his eye, stabbing pain forcing the lid shut. His sinuses feel like they might burst with pressure. 

“Anakin,” he says, more gently this time, “please hand me my papers back. I do need those.” 

Anakin shakes his head and curls his lips in, making a mm-mm noise. “Not until you go home and take a nap.” When Obi-wan lurches forward to grab at his arms, he simply steps backwards, out of reach. “No kisses, either.” 

Obi-wan’s mouth drops open, his eyebrows furrowed, affronted. “That isn’t fair.” He pitches himself at Anakin again, frowning as Anakin sidesteps him like the wind around a boulder, seamlessly cornering Obi-wan up against the wall. Anakin rolls the papers up and tucks them underneath his armpit, cupping Obi-wan’s face again. 

“You need to take care of yourself.” Anakin’s tone is soft, persistent. “Please.” 

The only thing that makes Obi-wan give in is the way the room sways around him from all the movement, his stomach a ship at sea, ready to capsize. He feels truly terrible. “Okay,” he says, weakly, “but as soon as I nap, you’re giving me those back.” 

Obi-wan feels like he can see all the way to Anakin’s molars, with how wide he grins. “Alright, sounds like a plan. Let’s go back to your place?” 

All Anakin gets in response in a faint nod. Obi-wan leans in for a kiss and Anakin reels back, holding his face at arm’s length. 

“I said no kisses until you rest.” 

Obi-wan pouts, trying to make himself look sickly and frail. It isn’t very hard. “But I already agreed to your terms. Now you’re just being cruel.” 

Anakin sighs out through his nose, mirth poking through his fake disdain. “Fine. Just one.” He leans in and presses his lips to Obi-wan’s, entirely too chaste in nature for Obi-wan’s taste. 

Obi-wan deepens the kiss and presses his body against Anakin’s, aware that they’re still in the abandoned hallway outside his office. He grinds his hips down, relishing in the stunted gasp that sneaks out of Anakin’s throat. 

Anakin pulls back. “Let’s get going?” When he spots the glint in Obi-wan’s eye, he fully steps back, out of Obi-wan’s reach once more. “To rest.” 

Obi-wan was going to make a sarcastic comment about how there’s more than one way to relax, dear one, but he falters in place without Anakin to hold him there, blood rushing to his head, hammering in his skull resentfully. He hunches forwards in pain, the heels of his palms pushed into the caverns of his eye sockets. His papers, and Anakin, will have to wait. 

“Yes,” he mutters, “to rest.” 

He feels a hand brushing back his hair, a kiss on his forehead, and hears the softest of murmurs next to his temple: “C’mon, let’s get you home.”

[cummingforkylo]

I can't stop thinking about Kylo making you fuck yourself on the hilt of his lightsaber. *sighs* I'm horny

WELL HERE YOU GO WARNING, THIS GOT  ALOT LONGER THAN I INTENDED IT TO BECAUSE I TURNED MYSELF ON OOPS :D

Exactly As I Say

Rating: Explicit

Kylo held the lightsaber out to you, you just stared at it, not moving to take it. You could tell he was offering it to you but you couldn’t understand why he would be handing you his lightsaber so you just stared.

“Take it.” He said, that deep, resonating voice made it impossible to question him so you reached out and took it. The cold metal was surprising against your hand, you always thought of it as a thing of heat and fire.

“W-why?” You whispered feeling nervous.

“I’m going to ask you to do something for me, little girl. Will you be able to do what I say?” His voice was steady and there was a tone in that sent tingles running up and down your spine. Like you could sense the danger. “Say, yes sir. Don’t make me ask you again.” He said, the warning of danger growing ever present. Tentatively, you nodded.

“Y-yes sir.” You said.

“Good girl. I’ll tell you just exactly what you need to do, do you understand?” He asked, he sank down on a chair by the desk in his quarters. “I want you to get naked.” Immediately your cheeks flushed a deep red and your eyes flicked down to the floor and then back up to meet us. You had been naked around him a few times, but you had never gotten used to it.

“Y-Yes sir.” You mumbled, rocking back and forth.

“Go on.” He said. He sat with his legs splayed out, watching you calmly. You nervously reached down and pulled your dress up and over your head, dropping it onto the ground quickly, you moved clumsily, trying to hold the saber in your hand as you took you dress off. You tried not to think about how your nipples were hardening in the cool air and soon your whole body would be exposed to him. You felt his eyes raking over your body, pausing on your breasts. You had to pull off your underwear next and your hands trembled, still clutching the lightsaber. You tucked your thumbs into the side of your underwear, the saber was pressed into your side. You tugged them down carefully, avoiding the button on the saber that would ignite it .

“Good. Now, sit up here.” He reached out and patted the desk in front of him. You were nervously switched hands holding Kylo’s light saber and walked over to the desk. You moved past him and felt his hand brush against your side, you pushed yourself up onto the desk so he was sitting directly in front of you. Your legs were pressed together and you sat there, unsure of what to do, waiting for instruction. Kylo just looked at you for a long time, his eyes moving from you nervous, blushing face to your breasts where your nipples were rock hard from the excitement and the cold, down your stomach and then to your legs that were pressed tightly together. Kylo’s hand found your ankle a second later and his fingers wrapped tightly around it. He pushed it back so your foot rested on the desk and you legs were forced open.

“Keep that there.” He said. “Keep you knees spread,” he instructed. You let out a nervous little whine.

“Y-yes sir.” You managed.

“I want you to reach your hand down to your pretty pussy and spread your lips open.”  Kylo’s voice was still calm easy  and you still knew that there was no questioning him. He watched as you glanced down, almost towards you hands, your right one still wrapped tightly around his lightsaber. “Do it with your left hand. Now.” He said. You reached down, your fingers trembling so much you were nervous you wouldn’t be able to spread yourself like he wanted. You were really beginning to worry about what he wanted you to do, this was already humiliating enough but you knew there was more. Using your thumb on one side and your pointer and middle on the other you gently pulled your outer labia open, feeling your inner lips open a little too as you did it. You felt horribly exposed, open, wet  and waiting. Kylo’s eyes drank you in, looking at your pussy, examining the way you spread yourself open for him. You let out a little whine, your breath catching in your throat. Flames burned inside of you, igniting something deep inside of you. As his eyes examined your cunt you felt yourself getting wetter by the second.

“Now,” Kylo started, his eyes moving from your pussy for only a second. “I want you to take my lightsaber, and fuck yourself with it.” He said.

“Wha-what!?” You asked, you almost dropped the saber in surprised.

“You heard me, little slut. Take my saber and drive it deep into your pussy…wouldn’t that feel good?” he asked. Your pussy clenched around nothing at the mere thought of it. Feeling it in your hand terrified you, it was long, thick, the hard metal ridges were intimidating. You had never had anything that big inside of you, you had only ever had him inside of you a couple times.

“I…I can’t.” You breathed.

“You can. And you will. Now start before I decide to do it myself.” He growled. You swallowed hard and brought the end of the hill of his lightsaber towards your open and exposed, twitching pussy. “Good, are you nice and wet?” he asked. You nodded. “Speak.” He commanded.

“Yes, sir.” You breathed.

“Good…start to ease it in. I wanna see you stretch open to take it.” He said. His voice sent shivers of fear, of excitement, of need coursing through you. The cold end of the saber touched your pussy and it sent a jolt through you, you jumped at the feeling and then you started to push it in. Your cunt stretched open farther, your inner lips were catching on the cold metal. You let out a harsh gasp as you felt the icy metal opening you up. It was good you were soaked and that your fingers were holding your lips open, even though keeping your lips spread was entirely to give Kylo a good view of your pussy taking his light saber. Kylo stood up from his chair and stepped to the side he pulled your leg back farther for you and reached out and adjusted where you held your hand on the hilt.

“You better be careful that you don’t ignite it, little girl.” He breathed, “I don’t think it’d feel very nice to have those crossguards so close to your delicate little pussy lips—keep yourself spread open. I’m still watching.” He insisted. You swallowed and adjusted your fingers, making sure your cunt was spread open. “Now, keep going.” He instructed. You continued pushing the saber into you, each ridge, and wire made you ache with need and pain. It was cold, unforgiving, rigid, but you wanted to feel it slide deep inside of you.

“Its…too much,” You breathed, you were hot all over, sweating, and panting. Kylo was watching as you inched it inside of you.

“No its not, give it a little twist, thats right…” He breathed, “You’re going to take all of it and I’m going to watch your little pussy twitch around it, do you understand?” He asked. You whimpered but nodded. You twisted your wrist, pushing in the next bit. You cunt clenched down around it, pulsating because of the big weapon buried deep inside of you.

“How’s your clit doing, slut? Burning with need, isn’t it?” he asked.

“Y-Yes.” Your voice was shaking.

“Good.” His voice was so calm and cruel, his eyes watched your pussy, as you kept it spread open, as he stood next to you, looking down at you exposing yourself for him. “Get it all the way in, be a good girl.” He said. You pressed the lightsaber in deeper, and deeper, the burning pain and pleasure mounting inside of you until it couldn’t go in any deeper.

“Fuck yourself with it.” He instructed. “I want to see it sliding in and out of your dirty little cunt.” His voice dropped into a growl, the only sign of his emotions. You were twitching around the saber now, you didn’t want to have to slide it out, for fear of how good it would feel, and how much it would ache to push it back in, but with your trembling hand you did. You pulled the weapon out, slowly, every ridge dragging along your pussy, your soft pink folds clinging to it as if to try and hold it in. Kylo’s breath caught in his throat as he sucked in a shaky breath. “Good, now back in, nice and slow feel how big it is, how much its stretching you.” He breathed. You pushed it back in, aching with the need for more, your clit was pulsing because it had been so neglected. You tried to do it slowly the way he asked but you wanted it so badly you almost rushed. As you got to the point where you felt like you couldn’t take any more again you felt a flickering across your clit. Feather light. Almost not there. Kylo was using the Force to tease your clit, invisible tendrils stroked across it. You twisted your wrist and pushed the saber all the way into you again.

“Good girl. Let go now. Leave it there.” He breathed. Unwillingly you dropped the hand holding the lightsaber. “Keep your cunt open,” he instructed. You kept your lips spread and Kylo stepped back around right in front of you and looked down at your pussy.

“Oh…Yes…” you sighed as the tendrils of the Force worked over you clit, so lightly, almost not there. “Please…more.”

“We’ll see.” He breathed as he looked down at your pussy, spread out before him, twitching with need, his lightsaber buried deep inside of you, pulsing as your cunt clenched around it.

[silverandarsenic-hcs]

How would the Papas/Copia deal with a s/o who was possessed? I don’t mean some lower class demon, I mean something like legion...

i read a lot of grimoires for this one baby im ready to go. took some demons, put my own spin on things to hopefully twist your heart in the way you hoped for. i always went way overboard. i have that Too Much Gene.

TW: death of a family member (Papa II only)

Papa I: He would be first to know that his s/o is possessed. sure, they all recognize the signs, but it only actually occurs in the eldest mind that maybe this is something a little larger than what they had originally thought. And he’s terrified. You see, they never taught the Papas how to exercise a demon from anyone, never mind the body of their lover. His s/o is possessed by our darling Surgat. Though it’s true that he can open every lock, this comes at a price - and he never comes without being asked. The s/o had to invoke this subjection, coffin nails, chants and all - they felt lost, and hopeless, and needed answers as to what they could do. they had a lock around the part of their brain that would allow them to continue their life, and they needed it opened. The problem though, is getting him to leave once he’s been summoned. They have seen the light, the lock is gone, but they remain under the control of Him entirely. Papa I is horrified when he finds out just what his lover had done to themselves, and refuses to see them or be around them until the exorcism has been done. Sure, he always believed, but seeing that sort of thing in real life? Watching the one he loves seize and fit and speak in tongues and pray to the devil? that’s a whole different story.

Papa II: One night Papa II studied too late in the office at home. One night he read every book on demons he could find because his thirst for knowledge couldnt be quenched by even the clergy library. one night he left a book open on his desk when he went to work. One morning, his grieving lover found that book. When you are in the harshest grips of your grief, your brain does some awful things. sometimes its so bad your brain just stops taking stock of everything thats happening around you and you live your life on mute for a while. sometimes grief can make you completely forget summoning whatever you could possibly find in your lover’s book to bring back to you what you lost.  Frulthiel visits the s/o in the night, promising to bring back their lost sister. sometimes grief can make you accept a deal to get what you want no matter the terms. when II finds out just what his s/o is done, he feels it’s all his fault. he shouldn’t have left the books open. he shouldn’t have even had books like that in the house around someone who is in such a depression. someone willing to do anything to fix the ache. As the very old story “the monkey’s paw” eludes, when you bring someone back from the dead, they do not look like they did when they were alive. the demon never had an intention of restoring the life of it’s inhibitors sibling, merely it’s body into a state that may stand and move. it’s up to II to save his lover from not only seeing the monstrous thing that they’d created, but also to save them from the demon that still hides in their bones, and courses through their veins. He keeps it together, but when all his said and done and his love is returned to their regular human self, he breaks. a crack so deep he is sure that he will never be able to fill it with love or power or money or alcohol. that type of hurt doesn’t go away.

Papa III: Sure, the eldest’s s/o was seeking knowledge and strength, and the middle child’s s/o was seeking solace, but the youngest brother’s love seeks something much, much worse: him. He spends long hours in the clergy when he’s working. He spends long months on the road when he’s touring. Of course he misses his lover, but he knows he’ll be home in only a few short weeks - they cannot wait that long. the constant missing of the only person that’s ever felt like home to them is beginning to eat away at them. one night, after a bottle of straight absinthe, they start to do some digging through whatever books they can find. they think, maybe a silly spell will bring him home to me.Maybe a silly spell will bring me to him. it will never work, they say. Hicpacth unfortunately had other plans for the pair. When the s/o is possessed by this demon, that brings you to anyone you choose no matter how near or far, he is relentless. at first, III likes having his s/o around all the time. it’s nice. and then its starts to get annoying. he can never get any alone time. he cant even go to the bathroom without his s/o crying for hours about missing him - what’s gotten into them? better who, he asks. it takes him a very long time to figure out something is wrong - at first he tries to tell them he needs space, it doesn’t work. he tries to break up with them, it doesn’t work. nothing will phase them. all the need is be near him - to be loved by him. It is a very long time of him trying to get away from the person he once loved before he decides to try something. once the demon is out of his poor lovers body, they have no clue what happened or how long it’s been since they were possessed, but III isn’t sure he can go back to the way things were. he isn’t sure if he could ever love them again after going so long tormented and tortured by their obsession over him.

Cardinal Copia: hindsight, for the Cardnal, may have saved the life of his s/o. It may have kept their mind intact. They are the only one who was possessed or subjected without invoking some type of curse first. this human was taken out of the kindness of the very heart of Asag - a demon that lacks very much kindness. They were also the only one who was fully present and conscious during the possession. It start as headaches, just minor really and barely enough to take an advil for. And then they grew worse, and more frequent. They couldn’t leave the house without a bottle of pain killers in their bag. The cardinal urged them to seek medical care but they assured him it would pass and nothing was really wrong. When the headaches had progressed to debilitating migraines that lasted days at a time, they got a prescription for a heavier pain medication. medications of any kind stopped working, then. after that, headaches still persistent, the pain began to bleed into every other part of the body. the chest, arms, legs, down to their finger tips. it felt like a constant fire was burning them alive with every breath they took, unable to escape the flames no matter the medical intervention or sleeping or breathing exercises or anything. the pain would not go away. I said earlier that mental pain does incredible things to the mind. pain can rewrite the way you see things, and the way you understand things, and change what gets committed to memory - which is sometimes simply nothing. this applies to physical pain to. after so many hours and days and weeks and months spent writhing in pain, desperate for solution but unable to find solace even in sleep, you begin to wonder curious things. your mind begins to stop accepting whats happening to your body. It takes the Cardinal the longest to realize what’s happened, and though resolution takes merely a day, the scars left inside his lover are permanent. their brain doesn’t recover from that type of trauma. their brain is permanently shut off on the receiving end. The Cardinal thinks, that along with the demon, a part of his lover’s soul left too. a part that cant be recovered.

- Judith 

[666whatsyourvanishing]

Omg the "last words au"ask ahh right in the feels qwq but still hella beautiful written how do you do this ahahah catch me crying in the corner :^D well done dear author 🙇‍♂️💙but question could we get it this time with mc last words at the ro👀? Only if you want of course and if you have time :D (i hope you dont have too much stress)anyway have a beautiful day 💙😁🙇‍♂️

Omg thats one of the nicest asks I’ve gotten. I love writing snippets so I’m really glad you enjoyed them (and crying is the appropriate reaction, I almost did too ;-;). My only problem with writing snippets is that with this amount of ROs I have to keep it short which is a tough task as a writer. So I’m sorry if the answer is not the appropriate length that you were expecting (mind you I wrote this before I actually wrote the snippets, and let me tell you, they ARE long). I will, however, do my best! And I wish you a beautiful day as well, have a stress free day ❤️

------------------

The shot was right below your stomach, and you felt this stinging feeling before feeling heavy. Almost like you stepped into hot water, you felt like drowning. The tiding was rising, and soon you met the floor, your body too numb to feel the impact of the fall. Your vision turned blurry but you could see a figure stood over you, so close that you could feel their warmth despite the fire inside you. You had trouble breathing but you reached out, not fully understanding how one could feel their own blood leave their body.

Caiden: Caiden was screaming your name way before you hit the floor. You were in their arms before you knew it; despite the pain in your abdomen, you felt nice, comfortable. “MC...” Caiden sobbed. 

You thought that maybe you would be the one crying, but your brain is losing blood, and you can barely even conjure any emotion besides a slow decrease of panic and pain. Caiden cradles you, and you hear more footsteps, then a few hands examining you, those aren’t Caiden’s. Forcing your eyes to move, you look around you... paramedics? Doctors? Not that they would be able to save you at this rate, you know what dying feels like.

“MC, look at me.” Caiden suggests, and your eyes move to their face. Seeing the worry in their eyes makes you feel weird and angry, but you have no energy for that. “I’m worried... No, that’s- Look. Doctors, the ambulance. Everything’s okay.”

You whimper very weakly, not a cry per say, but a breath laced with the fleeting life that’s leaving you. “I wish... I could fight harder. Just for you Caiden, but it’s too late to try now.”

“No, no. You can still fight.” Caiden pleads, slightly pulling you up closer to them. You never knew Caiden had such strength. They laugh shortly and anxiously. “You’re a fighter, you’re stubborn.”

You nod, eyes drooping. Your body is turning cold now. The irony of it really, death is weird like that. Your lose sense in your legs and soon your fingertips too, there’s an ache in your heart, or maybe your lungs. You can’t tell the difference anymore. It’s finally coming to you that this is it. Will there be a heaven like promised? Will there only be darkness? Will you cease to exist? It’s scary not knowing- no, it’s scary leaving Caiden. You won’t be able to tell them about it. 

You laugh for the last time, but it’s a rasp, the last breath. “I’ll see you Caiden, take your time.”

And as you die in their arms, those spoken words form on their wrist.

You would cry with Caiden if you could muster, but all that’s left is the heavy cold weight of the body you leave behind.

Jade: You’re drowning, in more ways than one. Your ears are ringing and you can barely hear Jade scream at you. You just know that whatever they’re saying goes from a shout to a whisper. With their arms around you, you feel their hair tickle your forehead, and their voice comes to you like an idea in a dream.

“Hey...” Your eyes move, as if they had been frozen. You finally see Jade right in front of you. And when I say in front of you, I mean directly in your face. They’re a breath away, and you’re looking at each other as if you were miles apart. They smile sadly when they get your focus, but you see their emerald eyes getting glassy. 

You cough a bit, trying to reply, your throat feels scratchy, as if the air in it is getting corrupted. It feels metallic in your tongue, your lungs burning from the inside out. But you smile back at them and croak, “Hey.”

Jade gulps and blinks, tears finally falling from their face into your own, everywhere they touch it feels cold, or maybe it’s just your own body getting hot. Despite what they would call ‘a shameful display of weakness’, they frown, really like they’re about to cry. 

“You’re still breathing. The ambulance is coming.” They mutter, voice breaking despite the confidence in their words. “You’re okay.”

“Am I? I feel weird.” You answer. Jade is cradling your face, and they smooth out their own tears in your face as they hear you speak. 

“How do you feel?”

“Like this body isn’t mine. Like I’m watching from the ground, but I don’t know where I am.” You explain and it feels true. Jade nods, but you’re unsure if they’re agreeing with you or just listening. “You can see me right?”

Jade chuckles surprised, it’s sad and weak. “Of course I do.” They caress your cheek again but this time you don’t feel it, you just see their hand move from the corner of your eye. It’s starting to come to you that you can’t feel anything. 

As you understand this, your vision grows smaller, there’s black spots everywhere. The corners are closing in and you feel like you’re being buried. You sigh, tired. This is it. You feel numb, like a stone in the earth. It’s getting darker but you can still see Jade look at you, begging with their eyes. You breathe out, one last time before you go. “I see you too.” 

Those very words engrave themselves on Jade’s wrist, and they glance at it briefly, gasping once they realize what just happened. Jade cries really hard this time, you don’t know for how long since you fade away, like falling asleep. But this time it’s forever.

Bo: Bo had managed to grab you before you touched the floor, so maybe that’s why you didn’t feel the impact. Their hands were warm, but everything felt warm and then hot, were they even touching you to begin with. You feel the ground, and like an anchor, your body attaches itself to it. Every limb of your body feels heavy and it takes strength for you to be able to grasp blindly for Bo.

They luckily, grab your hand before you find them. Your breathing quickens as you glance at them. “Bo, bo, what happened?” You ask, despite knowing what happened. You feel it in your abdomen, it feels like a frostbite, it’s too cold or hot you don’t know the difference, it just burns. Bo’s grip on you is tighter, and their eyes are wild.

“You got shot.” They explain, breathless. “But the doctors are here, and they’ll take care of you.”

“Will you be here?”

“I won’t leave you.” Bo’s answer is quick, like a reflex. You’re still holding hands with them, but as your hold lossens, theirs is the only thing keeping you afloat. You feel your heart no longer in your chest, it’s beating slowly all over your body, you feel it... but you don’t feel anything else.

Bo is staring at you attentively, they look like they want to say something, but they’re distracted watching you. You would laugh if you could, but words are starting to be hard to speak. If only they could focus like this in anything else. You gasp, your lungs pressured. Almost as if you’re being crushed by the air itself, the ground becoming somewhat translucent, like you could fall through.

They furrow their eyebrows, frowning at you, before glancing around. “Hey, c’mon! Where’s the ambulance?” Bo shouts at someone. The sound isn’t coming from their body, or their direction necessarily, it’s ringing in your head along with your heartbeat; both are growing slower. You feel their eyes on you again, you can’t see them as well anymore, your vision is turning darker... or your eyes are shutting. “MC, just stay with me. Look at me, I’m right here.”

You nod, or at least you think you do. But then again... you can’t move. You can’t feel anything, you can’t see or hear properly anymore. Any second now, and you’ll be gone. Were you fighting for nothing? Were you really expecting to survive this? 

“MC please.” Bo’s voice cracks.

You give you last breath to them. “I’m with you.” Those words echo on Bo’s wrist, and that’s all that’s left of you. It was them all along... and now, they watch you die. You feel like smiling, but you descend into darkness instead.

Tori: Tori is cursing as far as you can tell, it’s a long string of curses but they’re not directed at you. You grasp around, almost crawling around the ground, but despite the pain, Tori stops you. “Wait, don’t.” They hold your shoulders. “You’re bleeding too much.”

You sit up, biting down your lip as you actually feel your organs moving. It’s a weird detachment feeling... is it even your body? Tori pulls you closer to them, resting your body against them on the ground. You’re now warm all over, probably because you’re sitting in between Tori’s legs, but also because you feel your lungs burning. “Tori...” You whimper. They simply wrap their arms around you, moving hair out of your face. You didn’t realize you were sweating until now.

“Just breathe, calm down.” Tori breathes out for you. They seem calmer than you expected - turning your head to glance at them, you breathe out with them. You feel calmer, less panicked, and the pain subsides significantly. You let yourself fall back on them and they welcome you by carefully putting their hands where you bleed. You don’t feel their hands there, but by their grimace, you think it’s pretty nasty.

“The ambulance is coming, so you just have to sit tight.” They tell confidently. You nod to yourself, body slowly limping and heart beating slower, less rapid. “Hey.” Tori calls you.

“Hm.” You hum.

“This is the first time I actually hugged you.” Tori chuckles and you laugh too. “I hoped it would be under better circumstances.”

“If I knew you were this good at hugging, I would’ve asked sooner.”

“Let’s strike a deal. When you’re out of the hospital, I’ll give you as many hugs as you’d like.” 

“That doesn’t sound like you...” You say, now struggling to speak. It’s like you’re losing air, drowning maybe. “But you promise?” 

“Yeah. I promise.” Tori mutters, their voice is sounding garbled, fuzzy. You suddenly realize you don’t fully understand where you are, you don’t feel them behind you, you don’t feel the pain anymore. The sounds around you are all mixing together into one single ringing sound. 

You groan. “Tori...” Your voice is going, just like the life slipping in between every breath. “I think this is our last hug.”

“No, don’t say that.” Tori exclaims, the familiar anger creeping through. “We’ll have more chances.”

“No Tori...” You take a deep breath, ragged and suffering. Your eyes close and you accept it. You’re glad you got to be this close to Tori at the last second, but your body is giving in and you can’t do anything about it. You wish you could live longer, got to know Tori better. “Hug me tight when I go.”

“MC, you’re not going anywhere!” Tori seemingly shakes you. “MC-” They glance at you, but you’re no longer breathing. Taking their hands off you for a second, their hands trembling and soaked in your blood, they stare at their wrist. Your last words are engraved there. 

They do hug you tight, tighter than they ever will anyone. You were theirs, even if it was just for a second. They didn’t want to lose you like this...

Jay: Jay grabs you, and suddenly you feel like you were just born. “MC no...” Jay sobs in shock. You cling to them in desperation and the next thing you know, you’re sitting in their lap on the ground, head resting on their shoulder and their arms clumsily around you. “MC, you’re okay, you’re okay.”

“God, it hurts.” You try not to cry along, but your face is too numb to obey you. Tears streak down your cheeks and it feels hot. Everything feels like it’s burning. Jay is there at least, and they’re holding you, changing pressure from gentle to tight and then gentle again. “Jay, is it really bad?”

“No- I mean, it’ll be fine! The police, the ambulances are coming. Oh noo...” They whisper the last part. “Deep breaths, deep breaths.” You’re not sure anymore if they’re talking to themselves or to you.

“Jay.” You call them weakly. You voice is breaking, air is leaving you every time you speak. Lungs feeling weightless and body losing sense, you stare at Jay. They’re not paying attention, taking very deep breaths blurring into hyperventilating. “Jay.” You try again.

“I don’t want to lose you, I really don’t want you to die or anything like that- What am I saying, you’re going to be okay. The hospital... you’ll go to the hospital, and you’ll be okay. They’ll fix you right-”

“Jay!” Finally, they glance at you, as if truly seeing you for the first time. They apologize with their look but they stutter one along the way. “I’m still okay.” You mutter and they hesitate to move their hands anywhere else in case they change that.

They nod. “You’re okay.”

“Yes, I’m okay.” You both take a deep breath. You’re not sure how many of those you have left, but you smile at each other, enjoying the peace that follows. That is until you realize you can’t really move. You can’t breathe anymore, you can’t hear or see properly, everything seemingly fuzzy. You feel cold and heavy, not real.

Jay is calm, so you don’t alert them on the fact that this is it. You are not okay. You are not going to survive this. You hate what that will do to Jay, they won’t be able to take it, they’ll break down crying. God, you’re going to be the reason they won’t sleep at night. Gently, you try to catch Jay's attention. Your voice is too broken, and you can’t breathe anymore, so whatever you say, comes out like choking.

They stare at you in shock, fear, eyes wide. “No-”

“Jay, please. Don’t... be sad.” You croak out. “Imagine my smile instead.” Your last breath, that was it. You can’t say anymore. Jay panics, breaking into sobbing again and halting once they catch something on their wrist. Your advice is written there.

Jay cries so much. But you’re not there to see it, you know it, and you hope it won’t be a familiar sight. You don’t want this to be the only thing Jay remembers of you.

Jun: As soon as you touch the ground, Jun is on you. It’s a strange feeling, panic rises in you, pain, fear, and the wild comfort of having someone worry about you. You hear them say something to a person somewhere, but you don’t quite catch it. Your senses are foggy, and you reach to touch where it hurts. Your hands come back bloody and sticky.

Jun moves your head to rest on their lap, it’s soft and light, but the rest of your body seems like it’s an endless act of falling. You turn to them and they stare back at you. It’s tender as far as you understand it, but it’s fleeting. “MC, can you hear me?”

You nod.

“Can you see me?”

You nod again.

Jun takes a deep breath and says something once again to the distance. You hear the word “dying” but your sense of self in somewhere else. Your legs give out and you feel incapable of moving anything below your waist. Jun’s head turns back to you and their translucent hands fall on each side of your face. “Take a deep breath with me.” Their chest rises and fall along with yours. Everytime you breathe, your lungs burn, similarly to a balloon, they seem to get weightless as you follow Jun’s instructions. “How does it feel?”

“Like I can’t breathe.” You answer and Jun’s shoulders rise in concern. “Jun, am I going to be okay?” 

“Of course darling.” Jun says gently, using a pet name to reassure you. It does, which is no surprise. But your tension is still high by the way their hands tremble. 

You shift your head a bit to nudge their hand closest to you. Still staring at them, they hum back, understanding but disappointed they couldn’t hide it better. “Are you okay?”

“I will be.” They mutter, using that hand to caress your cheek. You lean into the touch. It’s cold compared to the rest of your body. Everything else is like it’s on fire. You feel sick, like you just woke up and really want to go back to sleep. But staring at Jun stops you from ever closing your eyes. “Do you remember that time where you were so lost in your own world that when I nudged you to call for you, you nearly toppled the whole couch?” They laugh, the sound light despite the world turning darker.

You chuckle. “Yeah. You really scared me.”

“It wasn’t my intention...” Jun hums, their head tilting, voice getting softer. They move a hair out of your face. “You always did say my hands were cold.” You would agree with that statement, but you realize that you can’t feel their hands anymore. You can’t move, you can barely breathe. You blink and frown, tears forming in your eyes.

Jun looks surprised. “Oh no no MC, why are you crying?” They lean closer and clean the tears as they fall along your cheeks.

“I think I’m dying.” You choke out, voice raspy from the difficulty of breathing. “Jun, I’m scared.”

“Hey hey.” They call you, their voice shifting a bit as well. You’re not sure if it’s your hearing failing you or their voice breaking. “I won’t let you. Just keep looking at me.” You think they’re smiling.

You cry again despite the safety in their words. You’re losing yourself, you’re eyes are becoming foggy and dark, you can’t see them. “Jun... I miss your cold hands.”

“They’re still here darling.” They reply, grasping your face kindly. You sob one last time and go. Your body heavy, your eyes open, your cheeks cold. “MC?” Jun calls you, searching your dead eyes for any sign of life. There isn’t any. On their wrist, in the same water that spills from their eyes, your words are there, like magic. They never stop holding you.

----------

Wow this was long, also. I cried. Might I tell you, I love writing about how something that I never experienced might feel. Writing what it would be like to die is kind of therapeutical, morbid too. Anyways, hope you like it!

[gale-gentlepenguin]

Miraculous Ladybug au: Brokenhearted Part 1

Based on this (post)

(Thats right I wrote it. Please let me know your thoughts)

It had been a few weeks since Adrien had heard that Marinette had started dating Luka. The blond model felt odd about the whole situation. On one hand, it felt like him and Marinette were now closer than before. The black-haired designer didn’t seem so on edge around him, they were able to talk, able to work on homework together, it was nice.

But something ached within him whenever he saw her go to Luka. The blue tipped hair musician would be waiting for her afterschool, a smile on his face as she ran to him. She would hug his neck and lightly kiss his cheek. Then they would go off, he didn’t know where they would head off to, he never asked, it was never his place to ask.

Adrien decided to be happy for her, she seemed happy and Luka was a good guy. He would support her, he would smile and wave as he watched them leave. Then he would get into the car his bodyguard would drive him around in and go do the activity he had to do for his schedule.

______________________________________________________________________

It wasn’t much later when he found out Ladybug had a date. Chat noir knew she would never intentionally tell him that. Their personal lives were personal, despite his constant prying in the past. They were fighting an akuma, he hardly remembered what the akuma’s gimmick even was all he could remember was his red clad partner frustrated exclaiming how she was gonna be late for her date.

The black cat hero thought he had simply misheard her at the time, there was an akuma, and it was clearly stressing her out. That was his reasoning for it, denial is an amazing way to deal with shock, until it is clear it can’t be denied.

“In a rush my lady? Have date you are late for?” Chat noir prodded, his Cheshire smirk hiding his fear that he might be right.

Ladybug looked at him, the look of frantic panic, as if she was trying to think or say something. Like a mouse with its tail caught in a trap. Chat noir knew he had hit his mark. His smile vanished from his face as he looked down. Ladybug tried to speak.

“Chat noir…” the sound of his name felt like another nail in his heart.

Love shouldn't be selfish, and having Ladybug’s pity would only make it worse for him. Through sheer will he forced his smile back on his face.

“It is fine My Lady… or should I keep it more professional?” Chat noir questioned, keeping his playful tone as steady as he could.

Ladybug’s look of worry faded as she saw the cat’s smile. It seemed that she had bought his farce, or perhaps in her rush, she didn’t bother to delve into it deeper.

“It is fine Chatton, I am still your partner after all.” She smiled at him, unaware that her kindness continues to nail in the fact that the love of his life was out of reach because of someone else.

Ladybug left in a hurry, leaving Chat noir waving and smiling till she was out of sight. As soon as she was, he dropped to his knees, clenching his heart. It felt as if someone had stabbed him with a blade of fire. The burning agony of heartbreak coursed through every vein.

After a few minutes, he calmed himself. He stood up, wiped his tears out of his eyes and headed home. He knew he couldn’t go home angry or distraught, what if Hawkmoth akumatized his Miraculous? He couldn’t risk it. If he felt his emotions go out of control, he would need to transform, it would be the only way to stop himself from losing control.

_____________________________________________________________________

Another month past and things seemed to stabilize for Adrien. He was a good friend to Marinette, sure she and Luka were going on double dates with Nino and Alya, but he still had time to spend with his friends when he wasn’t busy. He stopped needing to transform to deal with his emotions.

As Chat noir, his flirting had changed to more of a way of teasing his red clad partner, see how she was doing. Apparently, her date had gone well, she had a steady boyfriend, much to the cat hero’s aching heart. He kept himself calm, after all, if Ladybug is happy, he should be happy. He thought maybe he should start trying to go out with someone, maybe being so transfixed on Ladybug has made him miss out on a girl in his life.

_______________________________________________________________________

He dated Kagami for about three weeks before she dumped him. The blond model had tried his best to be a good boyfriend to the prodigy fencer and for a while. The break up was unexpected, and he honestly took it better then he thought he would, but her words still haunted him.

“We are done Adrien.” She stated calmly, no hint of emotion expressed on her face.

“What? Why? I thought we were doing great?” Adrien asked in disbelief.

The fencer poked his chest with her finger, her eyes staring right into his.

“I hate being second Adrien, whether it is in fencing or in love. I am no one’s silver medal.”

She left him standing there speechless. He tried texting and calling her for a few days but she didn’t respond, he was pretty sure she blocked him. He texted his friends on what to do. He briefed them on the situation. Nino, Marinette, and Alya took him out to go ice skating to cheer him up. It was nice, the four of them hanging out, he had forgotten all about the break up and enjoyed himself, until Luka showed up. Adrien seeing Luka appear and Marinette eagerly leave his side to skate up to the musician. It hurt, as soon as he saw them kiss it was enough for him to call it a night. He told Nino his stomach was acting up and went into the bathroom.

He felt more pain seeing Marinette with Luka then he did with his break up with Kagami. How did that make any sense? He told Plagg to transform him as he punched the bathroom wall. He finally realized what Kagami meant. He was in love with Marinette, that’s why it hurt, that’s why Kagami broke up with him. She knew that he had feeling for the blue-eyed designer. She could tell.

He left the building as Chat noir, texting Nino that he went home and to thank them for the fun night.

_______________________________________________________________________

Adrien tried dating other girls after this, he became kind of an unintentional playboy. He had a date every week, and each one with a different girl. Each girl getting their heart broken, since Adrien didn’t want them to be lead on when he realized he wasn’t romantically interested in them.

Each girl getting their heart broken, and Hawkmoth taking advantage of it. Ladybug was getting sick about hearing about Adrien the playboy.

_______________________________________________________________________

Adrien went face first into his bed. He really screwed up. His Kwami tried to console him.

“Adrien, you are blowing this way out of proportion. I don’t think it was that bad.” The black cat kwami tried to assure him.

“I kissed Marinette. I kissed my friend, Marinette! I kissed MY FRIEND MARINETTE WHO HAS A BOYFRIEND! I am a terrible person!” Adrien exclaimed.

“Well… yea. Yeah you did do that. But she didn’t slap you… or insult you. She just… walked away with a stunned expression.” Plagg trying and failing to comfort the teen.

“She already thinks I am a playboy! I don’t even know why I did it. She was trying to comfort me. She was being a good friend! And I kiss her. I am scum!” Adrien muffled into his pillow.

“Maybe you should transform Adrien, just to avoid… a you know what.” Plagg mentions as he nervously looks around.

“Whats the point….” Adrien dismissed. The poor blond felt awful, but fate was on their side, as it seemed Hawkmoth had akumatized someone else already. Plagg managed to get the sad lump out of bed to help him get out. Surely fighting the akuma will help get his mind off of this minor hiccup.

_______________________________________________________________________

Chat noir arrived through his room window faster than any other time he hurried home. He transformed back into Adrien and he was frantic. He had finally figured out who ladybug was. It all made sense and it was tearing him apart.

“Marinette is Ladybug?!” Adrien exclaimed in shock.

The black cat kwami was still spinning from the sudden de-transformation. “What?”

“Marinette is Ladybug!” Adrien repeated.

Plagg felt his heart sink, the kid had finally figured out the truth. He could see it in his eyes.

“Adrien…”

The blond turned to the Kwami.

“You knew! You knew this whole time! You knew through this whole ordeal who she was!”

“What was I supposed to do? I couldn’t tell you! I wanted to, but I promised to keep it a secret. Because that’s what Tikki wanted! I wanted to tell you, but I also… didn’t want you hurting more then you are now.”

“That ship sailed a while ago Plagg.” Adrien commented with biting sarcasm.

Adrien took several steps away from Plagg. Taking a calming breathe.

“How did you even figure it out?” Plagg asked, his tone softer, his curious nature taking hold.

Adrien turned to him, his head hung low.

“When we were fighting the Akuma, Luka was in danger.”

“The musician boyfriend of Marinette?”

“Yea. He almost got hurt. Ladybug saved him.”

“Okay… but she saves a lot of people…”

“It was how she looked Plagg, that was the look of someone who wanted more than anything to save the person they loved. The look I always have when I protect Ladybug. Ladybug was in love with Luka.” Adrien explained.

“How could you know that for certain though, maybe Luka was two timing.” Plagg tried to optimistically point out.

“Believe me, if he was, Alya would find out and have gotten to him months ago.” Adrien countered. “So, the only explanation, is that Marinette is Ladybug.”

Plagg frowned as he watched the boy’s heart break again.

“It makes to much sense Plagg…” Tears were streaming down Adrien’s cheeks.

Plagg felt horrible, why couldn’t he have told him before? He could have spared the poor boy so much pain if he did.

“Plagg, transform me.” Adrien commanded suddenly, holding up a piece of cheese for the cat kwami. For the first time in Plagg’s life, he didn’t want the camembert.

_______________________________________________________________________

An old man was sipping tea and watching a late-night talk show when he heard a tapping on the window. The man whispered for a small turtle creature to hide as he went to the window. He opened it to see Parisian hero, Chat noir knocking on his window.

The old man opened the window and let the boy in. The blond teen closed the window and told him the truth.

“You want to quit?” The old man stated in surprised.

“Yes… I need to, for the sake of Paris.” Chat noir answered.

“But ladybug needs you.” The old man said with a worried tone.

“Ladybug needs a chat noir that isn’t another heartbreak away from becoming an akuma. Fu, please take the ring back. Give it to someone who deserves it. Have ladybug decide.” The black cat hero insisted. He then handed him a letter.

“Give this to her for me.” Chat noir spoke softly. “Claws in.”

_______________________________________________________________________

Ladybug arrived at Fu’s residence several days later. He seemed to have been expecting her.

“Fu, I think something has happened to Chat noir! I had to deal with two akuma on my own. He hasn’t responded to my calls, he would at least send a message or his kwami to help….” Ladybug stopped raving as soon as she saw the old man walk over to a mysterious black box.

He opened it to reveal the cat miraculous.

“He gave up his miraculous.” Fu spoke, solemnly yet firmly as he picked up a letter next to the box. He handed it to her. The letter was addressed to ‘Buggaboo.” Ladybug opened it and read the letter:

Dear Ladybug,

If you are reading this, then you know that I have given up my role as chat noir. It is selfish of me to do this; how could I leave you like this? I know those thoughts are crossing your mind right now. I am sorry for being an awful partner, always getting in the way, always having the villain incapacitate me, control me, use me against you in some weird way. Though you have never said it outright, I know you would tell me I am wrong. That is one of the reasons why I love you.

The true reason why I write this, is because I can’t handle it anymore. I am in an emotional flux that is sooner or later going to result in me getting akumatized. I have been playing it off as best as I could, but I can’t keep playing this game anymore. If the cat miraculous got akumatized, it would be over.

I leave the ring in your care, pick a good replacement for me. Maybe that musician with the dyed blue tips, he seemed cool enough to be chat noir. Be safe my lady.

Signed,

Chat noir

Ps. Have a nice life princess.

Ladybug felt her heart get crushed as she read every word. He knew who she was? Was he suffering that much? Chat noir was in love with her, yet he put on a brave face for so long just so she could be happy.

“Fu… who is Chat noir?” Ladybug questioned, trying to keep her voice steady.

“Why are you asking Ladybug?”

“Because… that silly kitty left his ring here… I need to give it back…” Ladybug spoke as her eyes watered.

______________________________________________________________________

Marinette did calm down after some time. Fu had refused to tell her, for the sake of their safety. She hated that, she begged tikki to tell her but still got no answers. She just needed to forget about that cat for a bit, maybe he will come back after a few days, who knows. What she needed to do was focus on school. She would worry about this after school today.

“I can’t believe he did this! Adrien was happy here! Sure he was acting a bit weird, but he didn’t deserve to get pulled out of school!” Nino was upset.

“Nino what’s wrong?” Marinette asked, wondering why everyone in class looked gloomy, even Chloé was surprisingly downtrodden.

“Adrien got pulled out of school. His dad is putting him on lock down. No phone, no internet, no anything. Adrien managed to tell Nino all of this before he got his phone confiscated. Apparently, Adrien’s grades were not up to his father’s standards.”

“That’s ridiculous! How is that fair!?” Marinette questioned, sure she had a bit of an awkward time with Adrien a few days ago, which she still feels very conflicted about, but he definitely didn’t deserve this.

“It isn’t fair, and if we try to talk to him, his dad said if he sees any of us set foot on his property, he will send Adrien to New York.” Nino stated the worst bit of news.

Marinette felt horrible, her former flame and friend now unable to come to school. She could only imagine what he was feeling.

_______________________________________________________________________

“Are you sure you are okay with this Adrien? You were the one who was insistent on going to school in the first place.” The fashion mogul inquired as he looked at his son.

Adrien lowered his head.

“I don’t want any more distractions. You were right. I don’t need to go to public school.” Adrien answered.

His father could tell that this wasn’t the real reason, but he did not need to concern himself with it. This would make it easier to keep him safe. He wouldn’t need to worry about his son becoming collateral damage in an akuma attack.

“Very well. If that is what you want. I’ll have Nathalie schedule your lessons for next week.”

“Thank you.” Adrien said hollowly as he headed out of his father’s office door.

He slowly made his way up to his room. He closed the door behind him and laid on the bed. He was completely alone.

[carmineclock]

Dead Man Blues

Doc Scratch 4:28 PM

Its been an hour or so since your big meeting with the others, hopefully things have cooled down somewhat since then. You'd like to think you kept it quite calm and tasteful, despite your overall annoyance. Most of this time you spent updating your journal. You really have to do something about all these journals, its not safe to keep so many. And yet... With a sigh you set your pen aside. Time to do yet more damage control. You still think theres a chance you can get through to Trace, though perhaps you might be as bad as Clover in taht regard. Hoping is one thing, some men just dont change. Still, you make your way down to the holding cells. Perhaps your chat with Trace just needed a more dire backdrop. A broken arm and a cold concrete room with metal bars could be just what the Doctor ordered. Hoo hoo.

Trace 9:01 PM

Dire backdrop is an understatement. Your arm is long swollen, wrapped carefully in your shirt to give it some stability. You know a bit of first aid, but that is surprisingly difficult when it's your own arm and the only means you got available are what you have on your person. The new wound on your chest is just as aching, red and bloody with a hint of gold. You may have managed to pass out for a few hours, but you could hardly call that sleep, especially with that nightmare. Her body, stabbed and strung up - not Aradia's, but Nepeta's. A message to the one closest to her - Fin, angryy setting fire to your very self. The images linger, even long after you finally come to. And then the nightmare after you wake up - Snowman and how she dragged Fin in for your mutual punishment. How she used your wedding rings to violently erase the tattoo on your chest marking your love and relationships. When Scratch enters, you're wide awake, as much as you loathe it. Your mind still feels foggy and worlds away, definitely not prepared for a talk with him.

Doc Scratch 2:28 AM

You study him as you walk in, taking note of the remnants of Snowmans lesson. As graceful as she is deadly, as always. The gold makes a nice addition in your opinion. You take a chair from the nearby table and move it to in front of the bars in silence. After you moment you sit backwards with your arms resting over the back of the chair sit down normally, like a gentleman. This isnt an interrogation, or a call for confession, its just a conversation. "So, lets have it out, Trace. Whats this Droog business really all about. Dont you realize what youve cost yourself?"

Trace 9:51 AM

It never not feels like an interrogation with Scratch. You look up and watch him as he gets comfortable, then stare off to the side when he speaks. The muscles in your jaw tense, and when you reply, your hoarse and cracking voice clearly shows your exhaustion and pain. "Sir.. Do we really need to do this now? I'm not exactly the best for a talk right now and I'm really not too keen on netting me another scar for mouthing off..." Of course, you're aware he wouldn't have it any other time then when you're broken and at your wit's end.

Doc Scratch 11:27 AM

"If you're worried about your mouth, then I suggest you keep a civil tongue. I'm not concerned, though. Theres a kind of freeing honesty that cement walls and metal bars bring that can be found nowhere else. At this point, I would rather you speak freely, its just us now." Just the two of you. Man to man, or whatever Trace can be considered. Its an interesting thought, his classification may change as his DNA did. You'll have to look into that later. For now, your eyes are solely on him. His broken body, his pain. "Tell me true, Trace. I want to hear it. All of it. I wont punish you for speaking truthfully when asked. Its lies I hate the most."

Trace 3:03 PM

You give him a sour smile. You'll believe it when you see it. "What this is about, you really gotta ask?" Feels like you already talked plenty enough about this, and you doubt you got anything else to say that could placate him. Only plenty of frustration that has built up over everything, and you're way too tired to filter your words. Lets see who of the two of you is going to regret that more. "I.. am sorry that any of this ever reflected back on you, Nepeta or any of the Felt. It should never have been anything but personal. Which, I realize...  there's not really a personal in this outfit, is there?" you begin, actually honestly. "This... it was nothing more than a brawl between two guys heated up on a little too much emotion. But then this bastard.. abducted Nepeta, tortured and abused her, and then me. Cause he was pissed he got decked in the face. And he kept going, provoking us again and again, paralyzing her, seducing another, hurting us, as a whole, again and again. How could you expect me to do just nothing? You've been sending a signal, to them and to us, that they can just pick members of this very house off the street and do with us what they want." You try to sit up properly to face him better, wincing from the pain shooting through your arm again. "How has this not been a war yet for fuck's sake? How come Snowman can take the god damn white queen hostage, but we sit idle when the Crew come to pick us apart bit by bit? How come Snowman can take the god damn white queen hostage, but we sit idle when the Crew come to pick us apart, bit by bit?"

Doc Scratch 6:17 PM

You sit in silence, letting him say what hes going to say. You dont blame him for his views, and if anything, this lashing out may prove beneficial to you. No matter what happens from now on, Droog will have the reminder in the back of his mind. Certainly he wont forget it. Idly, you pull at the edge of your gloves, nodding every so often through his heated speech. Well, hes partially right on certain fronts. It really should have been war by now, whether you wanted it to be or not. The crew have gotten bolder and bolder, could it be your fault? Through inaction, have you allowed the crew more purchase on this slippery slope than you'd intended? "To start off, I'll answer your question. The reason it has not been war yet is because we did not have the numbers to win a war." You let out a silent sigh. "In truth, I'd hoped to collect our full set before provoking the Crew into an all out battle. I dont know how many wars you've seen, Trace, but I've seen enough to know that as much as you and all the others may want to go to war, young men that you are, we are not in a favored position for it. The Crew will always have the love of the common people, they built this city, and those that reside here are their kin. They have the better defenses, and most importantly, they have magic. True magic, the likes of which I cant begin to match." You pause to stand, arms folded behind your back as you pace, speaking more to the open air than to Trace now.

"Snowman is an army in her own right, its folly to compare anything or anyone to her. This little brawl you've had with Diamonds, its beyond reason and a waste of resources besides. If you were provoked into action, then you're a fool, because thats what Diamonds wanted from you. But more than that, you've allowed him to take the higher ground. The city is going to bleed now, I'll see to that, but you've allowed Diamonds to make it personal. And a man on a revenge mission doesnt care for the ruin he causes. I did not take what I've taken of this city for the last fourty years just to see it burned by some self righteous bastard in an Armani tuxedo." Another sigh, louder this time. You rub your temple, pausing in your pacing to look back at him. "Provoking. Abusing. Hurting us. All of us. You're right on that front. What one of us suffers, we all suffer. It was my mistake. I took this for play, the usual violence between men at odds, petty revenge for the sake of sleeping better." “But no, this has gotten well and truly out of hand. And its too late to go back. You’ve signed us up for a a war we were not prepared for, against an enemy whose eyes you’ve spit in, and now you say it should have been sooner. Hmph. Maybe you’re right. I dont hear the heckling of those underneath me, but it would only make sense that you do. So, then, its to be war. Do you have any plans for this war you’ve longed for, Trace? Any soldiers for the army? Connections to supplies and trades? Or did you expect that all you had to do was start it, and that I would finish it?”

Trace 8:05 PM

Well, obviously, you don't have any of these. You didn't plan for a war, let alone prepare for it. This was a selfish and careless act of revenge and he knows that. You're slowly starting to realize that you feel more bewildered about Nepeta's reaction than the prospect of war. This life has already been hell and you're tired of playing along. How little you care about Scratch's achievements and goals. Still, that is not an answer to give your boss and, unfortunately, owner. You close your eyes and think. The least you owe the others is to try  And if you've doomed all of you to die and burn, maybe you can at least rip a big hole into the crew. "..How much longer is he gonna have the favor of the common people if he's burning them? If he lashes out without remose and care, use it against them. With fires burning purple, it's not hard to besmirch their name. You have sucked the people dry under threat of violence and torture if they don't pay up. If you lack manpower, offer then alternatives. The crew is torching Felt warehouses. If it's supplies we lack, take theirs. We may be lacking time to prepare, but so do they. It's not too late to gain the upper hand."

Doc Scratch 1:40 PM

You stand and listen as he rattles off his ideas. Theyre not all without merit, but theyre naive, blunt, though its something you've come to expect. How could he possibly have known what he was getting himself, and the rest of the Felt, into. "Hes not burning them, he's burning us. True, it was careless, but Droog wont stay careless. Hes distraught over his daughters death, but he wont stay that way forever. He has as at least as much of a tactical mind as I do, he was built for war." You run a hand over your head, eyes closed in thought, trying not to imagine plumes of purple smoke eating their way through the Felt manor. Purple and green clash too much, it would be hideous. "I have ways of retaking the people, though its not the dregs of society that I'm worried about. All  I need is a shiny coin and a loaf of bread to win their loyalty back. We need to spread out. We need bases of operation throughout the city, safe places that arent glaring green mansions on a hilltop. If the Crew want war, we have to play their game." Yes, this is sounding more like a plan every passing second. You almost get carried away, before remembering where you are. This is no time to get caught up in nostalgia. "You know, it would be much easier planning if we had our trackers back. You and Fin have skills that will be of paramount importance coming very soon. Yet, I hesitate to bring you into the fold. Why should I trust that you can stay your hand? That your loyalty to this organization will trump your lust for revenge? You've proven the exact opposite is the case. Give me a reason why I shouldn't just let you sit down here and rot until the war is over with."

Trace 7:47 PM

Hey, can't blame you for trying, considering your situation. The night in here didn't exactly allow you to do your homework. Neither does it help with the next question. You look at him, tired as you are, trying to muster up the energy to defend yourself. Can't say you're, heh, dying to prove your loyalty to him, but wasting away down here in this cell doesn't seem like a solution either. "I... can't live without this organization. And neither can those that I care about. I know that my actions didn't exactly show it, but I want to do what I can to help it succeed and keep us all safe where possible." You'd like to assure him that your thirst for revenge is well-quenched - and for now it is. But should anything happen to Nepeta and Fin in this war you've apparently summoned, things could get ugly really fast. You won't tell him that. He's probably well aware. You'd like to not have to come to that though. "You gave the reason yourself. We're good at what we can do, and without us, this is gonna be much harder to deal with. Sure, it's a risk for you, but I'd be the one out there, risking my neck. It's my blood they're after. I'm not expecting your trust. I'm sure if you send me out there again, you'll be keeping a close eye on me, until I'll maybe have proven myself someday. Not sure what else I can give you besides my word, and I don't think that's much worth to you right now."

Doc Scratch 1:35 PM

"Hmm, its true enough." You sit back down, leaning back as you think. If you were a lesser man, you might consider handing him over to the crew and suing for peace. That would only be a short term fix, though, and probably cause more problems than itd solve. Not to mention youre loathe to lose one piece of the set. "In truth, Trace, I dont blame you for your actions. Not fully. Droog brought his suffering upon himself. We're just lucky he was good enough to burn all the  evidence." "At the very least you'll be going back to work soon, though as far away from Fin as possible. Perhaps Crowbar can take up the handle of your keeper. I cant have a mad dog running around doling out a childs version of vigilante justice." "For now, though, youll enjoy these accommodations. Im just having your room prepared."

Trace 1:48 PM

You should probably feel relieved at that response, could have gone much worse, after all. But the feeling of anxiety and dread keeps lingering. "I guess that's only fair." You lean back as well, which sends another pain shooting through your arm. A quiet hiss escapes you. Cursed thing. "Before you leave.. with all due respect, not trying to tell you what to do, but I don't think you'd find having me lose my arm or my life to an infection practical..."

Doc Scratch 1:55 PM

You were aleady on your way out when he makes his request. Now you pause, and turn slightly. "Does it hurt? Good. Its supposed to. Someone will be down soon to tend to it. Think on your mistakes, and how you can do better in the future." With that, you take your leave, closing and locking the door behind you.

[lavieendonna]

Brushwork || ArtMajor!Calum AU (Chapter 25)

Summary: An Art Major AU where Dallas - third year gawky art student at VCA -  makes a deal with Calum - her cute new neighbour and project partner - and they spend the semester learning that the perfect masterpiece takes a whole lot of brushwork.

Date: 26 June 2018 Requested: lol     Pairing: Calum + Dallas Words: 3.3K Warnings: whole lotta swearing but thats it i think (blood TW) A/N: this is beyond late but i’m really freaking happy with this chapter. please, someone, anyone, let me know what you think. Big Love xo 

Ask | Masterlist | ‘Brushwork’ Spotify Playlist | Next Chapter | ‘Brushwork’ News

Chapter 25: I Was Frowning So Hard I Thought My Forehead Might Actually Crack and My Brains Would Seep Out of My Head

Polly was calling again – this was like the fifth time in the last half hour. She never left any messages or texted me whatever she wanted, she just kept calling. I assumed it was because she was still trying to find her footing with me after our conversation the other day, but either way it wasn’t really helping me come up with a decision.  The Showcase had literally started already without me and I was still naked in my bedroom wondering if it was going to be worth going.

Well, I was half naked. I was wearing a towel. And underwear – but that wasn’t the point.

The thought of me showing up at the Showcase in front of all of those people and revealing a half-finished mural kinda made me wanna throw up. But then again, the thought of not showing up and letting Calum reveal a half-finished mural in front of all of those people by himself made me want to curl up under the spray of the shower and just melt away down the drain.

Luke and Michael were seemingly taking turns to call and text me as I rifled through my clothes agonisingly slow. Ignoring them was making the anxiety worse but I knew that if I spoke to anybody about why I wasn’t there yet then I would just break completely. This was something I had to do on my own – it just so happened that it was taking longer to come to terms with that than was convenient.

After what felt like an eternity, I finished brushing my hair back into its ponytail and smoothened out the fly-aways with pin before sighing a long sigh while I stared at myself in the mirror. I looked normal, and it felt weird. Black skinny jeans – no rips and no paint stains. Fresh V-neck tee – but it was just grey. A soft grey that hugged my body but didn’t feel like any hug that felt good.

I was about to give up when a flash of colour in the reflection behind me caught my eye. I spun around to see what it was, kind of surprised to find a light blue denim jacket slung over the back of my desk chair. The back was covered in hand-made patches of flowers and bees and one particularly big one that said ‘Bite Me’ next to a picture of a cherry.

It was Mali’s. I’d mentioned to Calum at some point months ago about how I’d always wanted a jacket like that but didn’t think I could pull it off, and a few days later he said that Mali had sent hers in the mail. The idea was for me to borrow it and see if it was the right size. She knew somebody, apparently, who made the jackets custom and Calum knew a girl that sold the patches. I’d never gotten around to putting it on, it’d been sitting on the back of that chair intimidating me for days. Weeks even.

Nevertheless, I inched my way over to the jacket and pulled it off of the chair as gently as I could, almost as if it would fall apart with any sudden movements. Carefully, I threaded my arms though the sleeves and felt the weight of the denim rest on my shoulders when I let it go. I stared at myself carefully, when I turned back to the mirror, and waited. For what? I wasn’t sure. Maybe I was hoping that some of Mali’s confidence might soak into my skin or something similar, but for whatever reason, I kept it on and hoped to God something good would come of it.

With a final huff I grabbed my bag and keys and stalked off out of the apartment before I could think too much and change my mind. I was teetering on the verge of another panic attack as it was, I didn’t need to be thinking about what fate had install for me down in the atrium.

There were more people gathered inside than I had seen since orientation. By the looks of things, and the way the sun looked as though it was setting everything on fire with the angle it was setting, ours was the last reveal. And, by the sheer number of people still hanging around, it was about to happen. Up ahead, near where our mural was standing behind a big, red, temporary curtain, one of the head art professors was talking into a mic and giving some last announcement about our mural. I weaved slowly between students and parents and tried not to alarm any of the staff members I was here, just yet.

The closer I got, the more I could see and the shakier my hands became. I caught a glimpse of brown hair and sun-kissed skin between the heads of some of my classmates in the front rows of the crowd and nearly choked on thin air. Slowly and carefully I made my way to the right, finding myself at the front of the crowd but off to the side just enough that nobody up ahead in front of the mural would notice me.

“Hey, you made it.” Someone tapped my arm with a feather light touch, and when I looked up (with a small jump) I was greeted with Polly offering a shy smile. She took her hand away as I tried to smile back, but then she pulled at the sleeve of Mali’s jacket lightly one more time. “Nice jacket.”

“Oh. Yeah, thanks.” I pulled at the hem gently before folding my arms across my chest. “Uh, thanks for coming.” Polly pursed her lips at my gratitude but smiled nonetheless.

“Almost thought you wouldn’t show.” She said with a small, pointed nod to the front of the atrium. I couldn’t bring myself to reply, I just followed her gaze and tried hard not to throw up while sucking in a deep breath as Calum stood forward as he was handed the mic.

He looked restless and more nervous than I’d ever seen him before. Black t-shirt looked too big on his limbs, dark circles made his eyes look slightly sunken in. But his jeans were still black and they were still ripped at the knees, and he still looked like Calum and it made my heart ache just a little.

“First of all,” he spoke into the mic clearly, the sound of his voice sounding like it was right in my ear (considering I was less than four feet away from a speaker). “I just want to thank everybody for sticking around this long to see this last mural. It’s been a long day, you’ve got better things to do I’m sure. It, uh. It means a lot to me… to us… that you’re still here.”

I swallowed the lump that formed in my throat when Calum corrected himself even though he was clearly under the impression that he was doing this reveal on his own. I watched as he rubbed the back of his neck, glancing over his shoulder to the curtains that concealed our unfinished wall garbage and then back to the audience. There was a gentle hum buzzing around the atrium, and I couldn’t quite tell if it was a good buzz or not – I was too nervous, unable to take my eyes off of Calum and the wall.

“Uh, truth is that Dallas and I…” Calum cleared his throat, pausing his speech yet again, and I felt my stomach lurch. This was it. He was going to sell me out – or worse, confess what I’d done to everybody in the room and make them all want to bring back Capital Punishment so I could Fry like the Good Lord intended.

“Dallas and I struggled a lot trying to come up with something to paint for this piece. By the time most of the other groups had half-finished, we were still brainstorming and trying to figure out the colour schemes and font types. Like, you know, every student ever, we left things to the last minute before we finished –” the hum became a uniform laughter from everybody in the crowd, but I was still too caught up in Calum’s speech to really notice. “– but in saying that, the fact that we struggled so much… it really… that captures the point we were trying to make with this piece. The idea was to, like, get across to all of us kids at VCA – and any other student or person who looks at it – that… the pressure on us to be perfect all of the time, it doesn’t mean that we have to struggle to be everything all at once. Dallas… she came to me one day told me about this quote and I knew straight away that it was going to mean something to more people than just me so… I don’t know, I think that’s all we wanted to do – to get a message across to even just one person, you know, and even if that one person is just ourselves.”

Calum cleared his throat one more time, offering a stiff nod to the professor as he stepped to the side. I was holding my breath at this point and on the verge of just blacking out entirely but somehow, I was still slowly – inch by inch – gravitating forward. I’d moved maybe a foot and a half by the time the curtains dropped, and as soon as they did I let out the breath that had been making my lungs ache.

Well, one thing was for sure. The mural was finished. And for the first time since we started the damn thing, I really fucking wished it wasn’t.

It was stunning, don’t get me wrong. The colours looked exactly the way we’d pictured them and you could see every single detail that Calum had slaved over in the tutus. The problem, though – the thing that made me feel completely and utterly defeated, was that it was Polly.

Calum had clearly spent the time we’d been apart finishing the rest of the mural on his own, and for some God forsaken reason, he felt the need to fill the void of our ballerina’s face with Polly’s green eyes and full lips, hair shiny and long and black just like the real thing. I turned to look at the real Polly standing next to me and her mouth was gaping, eyes wide like a deer caught in the headlights.

“Dallas…! Dal, I –” She was spluttering, and all I could do was blink away tears I didn’t know I had left and turn away from her. “Dallas, wait! Please!”

I was already weaving back through the applause, sniffling and trying to hold myself together until I was out of the crowd at the very least. It wasn’t working so well, and the stupid jacket wasn’t doing me any favours, so I powered forward as fast as I could with Polly still calling for me behind all of the noise.

Usually when this happened, when I got upset, it felt like the world was caving in and I could never breathe right. But this time was different. Yes, as always, I was crying again. But it was that kind of crying that was just numb, because this was the end. I was done, and I didn’t want to do it anymore.

I burst through the doors of the atrium and rounded the nearest corner into a darker alley way where the buildings blocked out the last of the sun. It was cold, and Mali’s jacket wasn’t doing much to keep me warm, but it didn’t really matter when Polly come skidding to a halt right behind me

“Dallas!” She panted, though it seemed like the heavy breathing was for show. She was a lot fitter than me, I knew that for a fact, and also her cheeks weren’t red and she wasn’t sweating.

“Just go, Polly.” I sniffled, wiping at my nose with the back of my hand while I kept my back to her.

“Dal, listen to me, please!” Polly reached for me, grabbing me by my arms and spinning me around so I had no choice but to look at her. The green orbs were still wide with what looked like complete horror, and her face was screaming at me to listen. “I had nothing to do with that, D, I promise. I had no idea he would paint me, you haveto believe me.”

“I…” I sniffled again, staring into Polly’s eyes and trying to convince myself that she didn’t have all the answers this time. But I couldn't not believe her, that much was clear. If Polly had orchestrated all of this and somehow convinced Calum to paint her as the ballerina we’d been slaving over all semester, there was no way she’d have been standing here and grabbing hold of me like her life depended on it.

“Pleas, Dal, I swear.” Polly’s bottom lip quivered. “I… I know we haven’t been okay for a long time but I wouldnever do that to you. Please believe me.”

My lip trembled and my throat was so tight that I couldn’t form any kind of English words.  So, I just cried, letting out a loud sob and falling into Polly, not for the first time in my life. She held me so tight I felt like I might burst, and if I didn’t know her better I would have thought maybe she was crying too.

“I’m so sorry Polly!” I sobbed into her shoulder, arms circling her waist so I could squeeze her back just as hard as she was squeezing me. “I was so shit to you, Polly I-I –!”

“Hey, no D, stop.” Polly was crooning in my ear as if I wasn’t bursting her ear drums with my hysterics. “Dallas, it’s okay. It’s okay, I promise.”

“I-I’m just so sorry!” I wailed. “It’s not okay, P, I-I should never had treated you like that! You needed me, P! A-and I didn’t –! I wasn’t…!”

I couldn’t finish whatever it was I was trying to say, but Polly just keep whispering in my ear that everything was okay while we sank to our knees on the concrete.

“Come on, Dallas,” She gave me a final squeeze before she pulled away from me, holding me at arm’s length and brushing away a strand of hair from my face. Polly ran her thumbs under my eyes and caught the tears that were still falling while I struggled to catch my breath. I squeezed my eyes shut, chest rising and falling about as quickly as my heart was racing. “D, look at me.”

When I opened my eyes, Polly was giving me a soft smile, a few tears escaping the corner of her eyes too. She took a big breath, green eyes signalling for me to do the same. I copied her obediently and as Polly inhaled again I did the same, both of us breathing in sync for, probably, the first time all year.

“Dallas, it’s okay.” Polly told me again, more seriously this time and her eyes demanding that I trust her words. “You don’t have to worry anymore.” I sniffed, a couple of sneaky tears leaking from the corners of my eyes.

“I-I just…” I inhaled mid-sentence, really trying my hardest to keep a hold of myself. “I should have known that you needed me, P. You were right. A-and I don’t want you to leave here thinking I don’t give a shit about you because I do. You’re my best friend and I wouldn’t be here without you.”

Polly’s smile was sad and she pulled me in for another hug, one that was gentler and held more emotion than even the one that had just happened before now. It was all she needed to do for me to know that she was going home.

“I forgive you, Dallas.” She whispered to me so softly I nearly missed it. “Now you need to forgive yourself.”

“What am I going to do without you, P?” I asked her when she pulled back but before she could answer, someone else’s footsteps echoed into the alley and a voice interrupted.

“Dallas.”

It wasn’t a question, it wasn’t even surprised or angry. It was just Calum, and he stood a few feet away, achingly still, while Polly and I hauled each other up off of the ground.

“Let’s go.” I huffed gruffly as I dusted off my pants. I made a move to drag Polly away but she anchored her feet, the sleeve of her sweater slipping from my fingers.

“Dallas.” She said, nodding gently. “I’ll let you guys talk alone.” I made a face, but Polly shook her head at me before taking a step back, and another, until she turned on her heel and patted Calum’s arm on her way past him.

Even after Polly left us alone, all Calum and I did was stand miles apart from each other and stare. I couldn’t place the expression in his eyes, but all I could feel bubble up inside of me was fear and anger and hurt. New tears pooled in my eyes, but I held as strong as I could as I let them fall on their own.

“Why would you do that to me?” I was the first to speak, and as soon as I did Calum practically leapt toward me at lightning speed.

“Dallas, please.” He started to speak but I shook my head at him.

“Were you still pissed about what I said to you?” I shot at him.

“No!” Calum’s lips were upturned in the corners, brow furrow deep. His hands clenched at his sides, one slightly raised as if he was fighting the urge to reach out to me.

“What, did you want to teach me a lesson or something?” I pressed, frowning so hard I thought my forehead might actually crack and my brains would seep out of my head.

“No!” Calum nearly wailed again.

“You knew how I felt about Polly, Calum!” I wailed back. “How did you think I would be okay with this?!”

“Because it was youridea!”

I stood in front of Calum with furrowed brows and mouth agape, hurting but most of all, confused as hell.

“It was your idea to start with, Dal.” Calum’s voice softened, and so did his eyes. He looked sad, but he also looked guilty. And sorry. “Polly was the one who gave you the idea for this piece in the first place. And when… when you stopped talking to me, all I wanted to do was make it up to you. And I thought…”

Calum trailed off for a moment, taking the time to take a breath and run his hands through his hair and over his face. He paced for a few seconds before making his way over to me again, stopping when he was just a couple of feet away.

“I just thought that maybe… maybe if I painted what you saw in your mind way back in the beginning, then maybe you’d see that you’re not as hopeless as you think.”

My lip quivered, but I held strong. Calum shuffled forward close enough to wipe away another tear that escaped the corner of my eye, but he let his hand drop and the contact was over almost quicker than it happened.

“I never meant to hurt you, D.” He said softly. “I just care about you, so much. And I wanted you to feel like you could let me in, and that you don’t have to be so afraid.”

Calum touched my face again, thumb tracing an absent pattern on my cheek while his eyes seemed to flicker from mine to my lips. But when I didn’t say anything for a while he dropped his hand and turned away from me, walking out of the alley without so much as a second glance back.

[mistermiaou]

My opinion on The newest episode of The Strain.

As you’ll soon find out, I fucking love this series. I love the books, the comics and crappy spin off comics. I also love the show.. As hard as its been in its last season.. I told you guys I would have rambles about things. So, I’m starting here.. with this episode “Tainted Love”.. (I’ll circle back to last weeks episode too... don’t get me started on that mess).(I don’t plan to explain any characters to new people.. this is a rant specifically for the fans of the strain.. so.. skip this post if you have no interest in this show.. comics.. books.. cause you’re in for a long post.. also SPOILERS)

The Strain is a good series.. Good.. not great.. Its a good TV show if you like vampires, moderately cheesy dialog and a fun cast who all seem to blend together well. This episode was chalk full of humor between characters like Quinlan and Fet.. Eichorst(who is my favorite character) does things.. like being a bad ass and driving a truck shooting at a plane..(which also comes off cheesy in some ways). The main things I wanted to touch on though for this episode of scenes related to Quinlan and Zach.(I hear your groans already. but hear me out..)

Zach this season is more bratty and horrible and we’re starting to see him break down in some ways.. Which is actually pretty awesome.. When Abby is being killed he is seen holding his head and trying to block out what is happening. The books mention him having OCD rituals and anxiety problems due to The Master’s care.. Seeing that part of him freaking out was  a nice touch. But it was also a nice touch seeing something so real happen in the series.. I told friends why the scene was hard to watch.. But in a not cringy way.. in a “This hurts on levels only some people will understand”. Its a very real scene of what happens to many people now and days. Zach reacts to rejection like many people have lately.. Abby becoming the victim to that reaction.. I can not tell you how many times I or friends have heard the lines.. “I was nice to you. You were nice to me. I gave you things. Why can’t I be you significant other? You better like me or else”. While.. we all saw her character’s death from a mile a way.. It still stuck out to me. Its one death that will probably stick with me for some time. I’ve been in a dangerous situation where being nice to someone got me hurt because they thought something simple like holding their hand so i don’t fall meant.. “Take me now”.. We hear lots of things on the news or social media of victims being hurt due to someone “rejecting” their love. Abby herself even says “I don’t owe you anything. Thats not how this works”. I loved it.. It was a great scene. So if there’s some one you’re crushing on hard.. If they don’t feel the same way.. please don’t murder them or hurt them.. 

Now on to Quinlan. This character is drastically different from his other counter parts in the comics and books. Quinlan pretty much doesn’t talk till book 3.. I expect changes to the TV show version. They have to make him super cool and stand out from the others.. They want him to seem mysterious and cold.. Which.. I know that show writers.. stop hammering that into my head. Last week’s episode and this week we learned more about his back story.. Which.. I will literally rant about this for hours on end about why the changes to his background just fall flat and don’t work.. Last week we were introduced to Louisa and daughter. The TV show counter part to Tasa and her daughter.. Like many book fans.. I didn’t like this... (I’m expecting a visit from a certain “critic” for writing this). Louisa is seeking out Quinlan.. because he brother is dying or now dead.. and its the stupidest shit show ever.. (I told you.. i hate it). The flash backs are written like a bad fanfic.. Like.. a bad knock off fanfic. I know I’m suppose to care about this cute child set in a time period I love so much.. But I don’t.. She’s not mentioned or hinted at like Quinlan’s family in the books and comics. She has no tragic back story like Tasa and her daughter.. There’s no real drama or conflict to make me care for them. Tasa was a slave like Quinlan and something they had in common. In the spin off comics we see Quinlan rescuing Tasa and her child while his people are raiding her village.. We’re pretty much set up to care about these characters from the get go. Louisa and her child are well to do. Their story isn’t tragic or set up to make me care about them. She paints Quinlan up(don’t get me going on this make up and wig...) to look human and they... Umm.. I guess have sex? I don’t know what to call the love scene really.. It made me feel.. embarrassed.. I was embarrassed for watching one of my favorite show. Maybe if I wasn’t watching with other people.. I’d feel less embarrassed.. I doubt it.

Anywhoo.. Quinlan fights Papa Master and doesn’t win.. Papa kills not wife and child and Quinlan just sighs and releases his “family”. There’s no heart or soul to these scenes. There’s no drama or heart ache.. It falls flat. In the comics Quinlan is tricked and runs home to Tasa and their child who are now turned and attack him. He’s taunted and has to slay his family.. Its more heart breaking because there’s more of a build up. We grow to like these characters for a few brief moments and really get to see Quinlan grow more as a character. We get to see him “act “ human with out having to be painted human. He is loved for himself and has earned this family. We see them act like a family and Tasa sings to him. We see him being taken care of in the comics by her(the spin off comic)..  Louisa’s daughter is seen playing with Quinlan in this episode but It feels stiff. I don’t get the sense of this being a family. We aren’t showed a montage of them being more family like.. or them growing more.. We don’t get to see how close they have gotten. When he says “I have to go fight the master”. Louisa is upset and slaps him.. “What about us” I eye rolled faster than Eichorst dodging bullets. Nothing really feels at sake.. she guilt trips him into her death.. I don’t feel a sadness for these characters.. The only thing that will keep their memories alive is fans going, “You guys remember that awful sex scene?”. I understand many show watchers may not feel this way due to the fact they’ve never read the books.  But those who have.. (the many I’ve talked too) do feel that way,

Also, can we talk about what a bad ass Charlotte is? She’s in my new top favorites for the show. She’s a strong female character who can actually defend herself and handles people like a champ. She’s not mean or cold towards Quinlan. She’s the reason they get out of there because she stuck around to fight off Eichorst. She’s not stupid and knows what she wants and how shes going to survive. I’m sad we probably wont see her ever again. But I really did enjoy the character. Her explaining to Fet she wasn’t coming with was one of my favorite parts of the episode. The Strain doesn’t have very many strong female characters at this point.. I don’t count Dutch, her character is awful.. (I have a rant about that later). Sorry let a person gush about a new refreshing character.

Also, when did Eichorst have time to heal from being burned? Gentlemen, I do believe he was on fire.. I know he’s a vampire and all.. but I don’t feel like he had time to heal that fast and go find Quinlan and company out in no where land. I know he had some burn marks.. but.. like.. We skipping where he was ON FIRE?

Welp, I’m going to wrap up this post here. I already know people are going to hate this a lot. But, I welcome the discussion and hate.I know there’s a certain “critic” making her rounds to these things.. So I’m expecting her to appear. 

TL/DR:

I rant about shit.. and say stuff i like. 

[voidwizerd-archive]

[[ (not yet) moirail to the rescue phew!! ]]

vvestigialvvoltage wwiz did somethin happen i aint gotten much through my dash yet but somethin feels off

vvestigialvvoltage wwiz ?

wiz-texts ....sorry

vvestigialvvoltage are you okay wwhat happened

wiz-texts i dont think talkin to me is a good idea right now. i jus did somethin awful n i have no idea why

vvestigialvvoltage wwiz please tell me wwhats goin on

wiz-texts i wish i could blame th anons for everythin but... all they did was present th option. im th one who took it

vvestigialvvoltage wwiz can you come here

wiz-texts they said they could take th scars away. forever. but th price would be forgettin Kankri .... i dont remember Kankri someone else had to tell me who he was

vvestigialvvoltage wwiz please come here

wiz-texts what good would that do

vvestigialvvoltage it wwould make me feel better please

wiz-texts im sorry im sorry now im hurtin you too

vvestigialvvoltage im not hurt im wworried

wiz-texts im hurtin everyone i hurt SUGARY n i dont even know her!!!

vvestigialvvoltage an you shouldnt be alone like this an i cant come to you

wiz-texts i should be alone. i already fuckin did that to myself

wiz-texts th others say its gonna get better n i know they wouldnt lie but *how*

vvestigialvvoltage wwiz

wiz-texts everythins gone i keep goin through all my tags n th messages n i cant remember its gone all of it is gone its never comin back

vvestigialvvoltage WWIZ

wiz-texts what!!

vvestigialvvoltage just come here

wiz-texts no

vvestigialvvoltage i cant help you through the connection

wiz-texts no one can help with this i dont think

vvestigialvvoltage an i think i havve somethin for you but i cant open it

vvestigialvvoltage i dont knoww wwhat it is but it says its for you wwhen i try i dont knoww wwhere its from an its scarin me a little

wiz-texts .... its your chip though i dont understand how someone else could get a file onto it without you noticin

vvestigialvvoltage i dont either thats wwhy its scarin me

wiz-texts i dont.... i dont wanna leave this room im sorry i cant

wiz-texts but fuck im sorry im bein a goddamn coward

vvestigialvvoltage its okay im just im really wworried

wiz-texts i know i know im sorry im bein a shit friend

vvestigialvvoltage its okay wwiz

wiz-texts no it isnt no it fuckin isnt .....n i still aint moved an inch. fuck this. fuck thisssss

vvestigialvvoltage wwiz just can you find somethin to focus on

vvestigialvvoltage um try makin somethin maybe somethin complex

wiz-texts cant think dont want to

vvestigialvvoltage okay then make somethin that feels nice instead

wiz-texts what if it blows up that happened once

vvestigialvvoltage reall ?

vvestigialvvoltage wwhat happened

wiz-texts yea i tried to make somethin that could guide me home u remember how my arms look ...looked well it was from that

vvestigialvvoltage okay wwell maybe that wwas just not specific enough ?

wiz-texts i dont fuckin now there aint exactly nothin to b specific with???????? transportalizers dont go there that was th first thing i tried

wiz-texts i dont wanna talk bout that its makin things worse

wiz-texts i wanna be alone i should be alone just leave me alone ......

vvestigialvvoltage im sorry

vvestigialvvoltage > The next thing you know, you're in Wiz's room, slightly dizzy and still shivering from the voodoos that moved you here.

wiz-texts > All the furniture in your room has been shoved to block off the windows and door.

> You don't notice any arrival. You're huddled in the very back corner of the closet, past the mirror, buried under blankets and curled in as tight as you can. You've long since cried yourself out and now feel sick and numb.

vvestigialvvoltage "....Wwiz...?"

> You don't see them, and that worries you more. He said you'd go right to them....

wiz-texts "Go 'way," you mumble in response. You figure it's someone calling from the outside. You're not letting them in. You're not letting anyone in. You deserve to be alone.

vvestigialvvoltage > You figure out the voice is coming from the closet, and head there.

"Wwiz, it's Vvoss..."

wiz-texts > You don't respond, shuffling to try hiding yourself more. The blanket pile shuffles with you.

vvestigialvvoltage > You peer in,  pushing things out of the way.

"I'm already here an I ain't leavvin, so you might as wwell showw yourself... you don't gotta talk or anythin... "

wiz-texts > You keep trying to shrink back even though you're already against the wall. You keep your eyes shut. You wonder how he's even here, and figure Lilac probably has a hand. Why, you don't know. But here he is.

> You just want to be left alone.

"...I ain't comin out."

vvestigialvvoltage > You finally spot the moving blanket pile, and make your way over.

"Okay. Then I'm comin in. "

> And you do so.

wiz-texts > You whimper in protest as blankets are moved away and hug your knees tight, holding your head and keeping your eyes shut.

> He shouldn't be here. What if he got in trouble??? He shouldn't *be here.*

vvestigialvvoltage > You pull the blankets back over you both afterwards.  There's something calming about having them there. Once that's settled, you squirm around to find a comfortable position to wrap your arms around them.

wiz-texts "You shouldn't be here."

> It's mumbled as you stubbornly refuse to relax into his contact, and you catch yourself stupidly wishing for the older Vvoss you got to meet a little while ago. You miss the moirail you don't have yet. Ridiculous.

"Vvoss, you could-- you could get in *trouble.*"

vvestigialvvoltage "I don't care. "

wiz-texts "You should."

vvestigialvvoltage "Nah. "

> You settle yourself comfortably with your arms around them, resting your forehead against their shoulder from behind. Cling fish!

wiz-texts > You don't say anything or move for a long, long time. But eventually you unfold, and move to hug him back. Your fingers fidget with folds of blankets, forehead bumping with his as you actually open your eyes again. It's just to stare down at the floor, but still. It's something.

"...Thanks."

vvestigialvvoltage > You smile when they start to uncurl, and shift positions as appropriate to make sure you both are comfortable.

"I'd say you're wwelcome, an you are, but really you don't gotta thank me. You'd'a done the same for me."

wiz-texts > That earns a very faint laugh.

"Yeah I would've. ...How long can you stay?"

vvestigialvvoltage "As long as you need."

> The laugh makes your spirits lift a little.

wiz-texts "Careful with things like that, Vvoss, you might never come back."

> The joke sounds weak and your voice is barely there but hell, it's an attempt.

vvestigialvvoltage "An I'm sure Y wwould havve somethin to say about /that/!"

> You respond to the spirit of the joke rather than the words.

wiz-texts > You give a quiet laugh to that, absently leaving a kiss on his forehead before wrapping yourself around him in a hug. You don't exactly feel better; in fact it's hard to tell what you're feeling at all. But you don't feel like everything is on fire, at least.

"Thank you for coming."

vvestigialvvoltage > Something buzzes in your skull. Your pan aches, and you aren't sure why. Everything seems normal...?

> You push it aside and wrap yourself around Wiz back, nuzzling into their shoulder.

"Like I said before, you don't gotta thank me, but you're wwelcome."

wiz-texts > One of your hands pets through his hair. It's cool and soft and you like how it feels. How he feels. You still don't feel okay, and you have no idea how to even begin making up for what you did to Kankri, but... this is a start. Breathing again is a start.

> You're so grateful he came. You think this might be the first time Vvoss has stuck with you even when you've tried distancing yourself. Lilac does that, yes, but... Vvoss hasn't, before. He's never answered no with no.

> You're so proud he did. And so damn grateful.

vvestigialvvoltage > You purr, softly, at the hair petting. That feels nice. You're glad they're feeling at least a little better.

> Your head isn't filled with much in the way of thoughts right now - thinking was making it hurt more, and you don't want to deal with that.