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sagesskies · 6 months

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ᴛᴏ ꜱᴛᴇᴀʟ ᴀ ʜᴇᴀʀᴛ I

✒ ʜᴇ ᴡᴀꜱ ɴᴏᴛʜɪɴɢ ᴍᴏʀᴇ ᴛʜᴀɴ ᴛʜᴇ ɢᴀʀᴅᴇɴᴇʀ'ꜱ ꜱᴏɴ, ᴡʜᴏ ᴋɴᴇᴡ ʜᴇ ᴄᴏᴜʟᴅ ʙᴇᴄᴏᴍᴇ ᴍᴏʀᴇ.

ᴄᴏɴᴛᴇɴᴛ ɪɴᴄʟᴜᴅᴇꜱ: ᴄʟᴀꜱꜱɪꜱᴍ, ᴍᴇɴᴛɪᴏɴꜱ ᴏꜰ ʜᴏᴍᴏᴘʜᴏʙɪᴀ, ᴘʀᴏᴍɪꜱᴄᴜᴏᴜꜱ ʙᴇʜᴀᴠɪᴏʀ ꜰʀᴏᴍ ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ (ᴍᴇɴᴛɪᴏɴᴇᴅ ᴏɴʟʏ), ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ ɪꜱ ᴠᴇʀʏ ᴀᴘᴀᴛʜᴇᴛɪᴄ

You always loved a good romance.

Sure, it was looked down upon for a man such as yourself to be reading a novel instead of a thesis, or helping your family manage the estate, but you never cared. Your siblings all begged you to do your job as the first born, and take charge, especially now with your parents growing old, but again, you never cared.

Currently, the book you were reading was one with a most interesting premise. A young noblewoman is mugged by a dashing thief, and instead of punishing him, orders for him to be made her guard. Between the two, a beautiful romance blossoms. And to think their first meeting the thief thought to steal from her.

You chuckle, “The only thing he managed to steal from her was her heart,”

Before you could turn to another page, you hear the sound of heavy footsteps marching to your room.

You sigh, it’s probably one of your siblings. What would they complain about now? Perhaps your laziness, perhaps your waste of intelligence, maybe this time they’ll complain about your lack of a wife.

When the footsteps stop outside your door, you brace yourself for whatever nonsense they’ll be bringing to you today.

“I cannot believe this- [Name], have you heard?” Your brother burst into your room, looking dishevelled, and clutching a piece of parchment tightly.

You set down your novel, “Heard what exactly?”

James slams the piece of paper down on your table, “Your loverboy,” He sits down on the leather armchair across from you, “He’s back in town, and he’s apparently come to ask for your hand in marriage!”

You blink, not many things can render you speechless, but this is certainly not what you expected to hear today.

What did James mean, your loverboy? No matter how good your looks are, and no matter how many people you’ve slept with in the court, you don’t have a loverboy. Hell, you’ve made sure that none of your family ever found out about your various affairs.

“What, who-” You shake your head, “James, what exactly are you on about?”

James simply taps the paper, “Just read it, [Name].”

Sighing, you pick the letter up and do as you're told.

—

To my dearest, [Name]

Good day to you, my love. I am writing this to inform you of my return to the estate. I apologize for my sudden departure all those years ago, I assure you that I will never leave you again.

You may be wondering where I’ve been all this time. Well, I anticipate that you’ll be pleased to learn that I’ve been studying under the esteemed lawyer Maxwell Yates, you may remember him from multiple cases such as that of Nathan Lynch, Carol Wolf, and Jonah Hewitt. According to him I am the best student he’s ever had.

But enough about me, I’ve heard you are still yet to wed. Though it is no good for a man such as yourself to remain a bachelor, especially at your age, I cannot express to you enough my happiness that you’ve remembered our promise and saved yourself for me.

Despite the distance these past years, I promise to you I have not strayed away from you. You are the only one who understands me, who accepts me, and sees me for who I am, my dearest [Name]. You are the only one for me, and that will never change.

We may still be separated for now, but I promise you, we will not be apart for long my love.

Best regards, your future husband,

Glenn Alston

—

You set the paper down, and you bury your face in your hands.

You can hear the pity in James’ voice without even looking at him, “I know that you and Glenn were close, and had a special relationship, but you cannot marry him-”

You raise a single hand, and he stops speaking. You sigh, and sit up straight, “I won’t marry him, James,” You smirk when James looks visibly relieved, “Same sex marriage may be legalized, but I won’t dishonor the family name by engaging in sodomy.”

James groans, “You know that’s not why we’re against it,” Your family may have high standards for you and never failed to express their disappointment, but they weren’t narrowminded, god imagine how horrible they’d be if they were.

You chuckle, “Yeah yeah, he’s still the gardener’s son even if he’s some sort of bigshot lawyer now.”

"And you won't authorize his entry into the estate, right?"

That makes you wonder if you should. Regardless of how you feel, Glenn's father would still like to see him again, even if the man ran away. And Glenn would be a useful asset to the estate, considering how your other lawyer was already getting old.

You shrug in response, "Probably not." You say that to only appease your younger brother, who'd surely throw a fit if you said otherwise.

James nods, clearly satisfied, “Well then, I’ll be going now,” He glares at the romance novel, “And please stop reading that senseless drivel, [Name].”

You roll your eyes, and ignore his protests as you push him towards the door, “This ‘senseless drivel’, is what your fiance reads in her pastime,” You raise a brow at him, “I’m sure you don’t want her to hear what you said about her hobby.”

James sputters and tries to find the right words for a decent comeback, but clenches his fists and huffs in frustration, “Fine! Keep reading then,” He turns to leave, but then stops, and turns his head to look at you, “Wait, what did Glenn mean by you remembering your promise?”

“Aaaaand that’s my cue to close the door,” You grin at him, though it’s strained, “This was fun, bye bye Jamie!”

“I told you to stop calling me that-” The door closes, and you let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding.

Your gaze settles back on the piece of parchment. You walk over to it, and pick the letter up.

“When did his penmanship get so neat…” You can’t help but feel a twinge of envy, writing was never your strong suit. Well, you never really had a strong suit. No matter how hard you tried, your performance would be mediocre at best. No amount of sucking up from your instructors would change that.

Despite the bitterness you feel, your eyes soften as you trace Glenn’s elegant strokes. Your mind can’t help but wander to when he first asked you to teach him how to write…

—

Rarely did you ever willingly go to the library, much to your parent’s chagrin. The entire atmosphere was so stuffy, and you hated how quiet it was. It felt dead, and the old lady who worked as the librarian didn’t help. You swear, one day she’ll fall off the stepladder and her ghost is going to haunt the library for eternity.

Today was a special occasion however, it was Glenn’s twelfth birthday, and because you forgot to get him a gift he got to request something from you. He didn’t tell you exactly what he wanted, all he told you was to meet him at the library.

You sigh as you walk inside, ignoring the librarian’s glare when you don’t bother to minimise the sound of your footsteps.

Sometimes you wished Glenn could be a normal kid, and ask for something like a sword, or a new kite, or something else dumb kids liked to play with. But then again, if he was anything normal then you wouldn’t like him very much.

The library was a large room, with various shelves all arranged according to genre, like an actual public library. Your mother told you there were many ancient books and tomes within the shelves, all brought here by your ancestors. You tuned out most of what she said if you were being honest, the only other thing you remembered her saying about it was that there was a book that could make a mini explosion happen.

You wandered through the room, looking for Glenn. It didn’t take you long to find him, the dark-haired boy was carrying a stack of books in his arms and set it down on one of the tables. You waved over to Glenn, and sat beside him.

“Why are-” Before you could finish your sentence, Glenn, very rudely, placed a finger to your lips and his hazel eyes hardened into a glare.

“Lower your voice, [Name]!” He whispered, “We’re in the library.”

You glared back at him, and licked his finger. Glenn yelped, and immediately pulled back quickly, nearly toppling out of his chair. The noise he created earned him a stern: “Shhhh!” from the librarian.

Glenn pouted, his cheeks flushed and his ears red. You smirked. It was so easy to fluster him.

“Anyways, before you oh-so rudely interrupted me,” You spoke softer now, “Why are we here?”

Glenn was still clutching the finger you licked, and he avoided your gaze, and muttered something under his breath.

You rolled your eyes, “Geez man, I only licked your finger.” He was acting like you bit him instead, or something else weird. Sighing, you grabbed his chin and turned his face towards you, “Seriously, speak up.”

Glenn gently pulled away, having learned his lesson now, and then cleared his throat, “I, uh… I wanted to ask…” He took in a deep breath, “Couldyouteachmehowtowrite?”

“Uh, what?”

Glenn sighed, “Could you teach me how to write?”

“Oh,” You blinked, and then furrowed your brow, “That’s it?” You expected him to ask you to read him some big boring book about history or something, this was way more manageable.

“Yeah, I don’t want to keep asking you to read for me anymore,” He pushed a pad of paper towards you, and handed you a pencil, “It’s embarrassing.”

That was true, at his age usually he should be the one reading to others, but people from Glenn’s social class never learned how to read unless they were being sponsored by a noble family. But Glenn never seemed to mind before, what changed?

“Did Emil tease you again?” Emil was the asshole son of the captain of the guard, your presence always warded him off from picking on Glenn, but you couldn’t always be there for him.

When Glenn didn’t respond, you sighed. Glenn had some weird complex about being seen as capable and dependable in your eyes, but you could care less about whether or not he could handle himself. Unfortunately, you were never the best at expressing your emotions.

“Emil’s a little prick,” You ignored Glenn’s soft gasp, and started to write the alphabet on the pad of paper, “Guys like him are everywhere, Glenn. Stop caring about what he’s saying, his words don’t matter.”

Glenn muttered, “But they still hurt.”

Glenn, for how much he tried to look tough, was always so sensitive to what others thought about him. It was another way you two were so different from each other, he could never stop caring, while you just didn’t.

You set the pen down after finishing the letter z, “Yeah, that’s because you let them.” You glanced at Glenn, since he was shorter than you, all you could see was the top of his dark hair. You wondered what the expression on his face looked like.

Glenn remained silent, and so you sighed, “Anyways…” You handed the pencil to Glenn, “Copy this.”

When Glenn finished, you took a piece of empty paper from the pad, and handed it to Glenn, “Now do it again, this time without the reference.”

You weren’t a good student, in fact you were a terrible one. You never did your homework, you barely showed up to class, and whenever you did you never paid attention. Glenn was unfortunate to be stuck with such a lousy person for a teacher.

When Glenn handed the paper back to you, you hummed, “Well, it could be worse.” That was being generous. Glenn managed to remember A, B, and C, but completely skipped D and E, somehow messed up G, and seemed to have merged I and L. However, it was… okay. Considering how this was his first attempt.

Glenn frowned, “It’s terrible isn’t it?”

You ruffled his hair, “It’s not bad for a first try man, hand me the pencil,” You take it from his outstretched hand, “So, this is not how you write G, this is how you actually do it..”

You and Glenn stayed in that library till it was five pm, and you were both being shooed out of the library by the old hag, and then separated when Curtis took you to get ready for supper.

Perhaps you weren’t such a lousy teacher after all when Glenn was able to write properly only three weeks later. You still remember his smile when you read the letter he wrote to you for your birthday, and you still remember the immeasurable feeling of pride you had for him.

You can still remember the letter he left for you, the day he disappeared. The warm, wet tears that fell onto the parchment, as you struggled to read through Glenn’s handwriting. The emptiness in your chest, like Glenn ripped your heart out and took it with him when he left.

—

How things have changed.

You wonder who taught him to write cursive, was it Maxwell Yates? A fellow student? Perhaps it was a young woman, who fell in love with him like you did, and wanted to have his heart like he had stolen hers.

You let out a shaky breath, and place the letter in the same drawer as the other one. When you open the drawer, and see the weathered parchment, the tear stains, and the childlike scrawl, you feel your chest clench.

“You’re over this, [Name],” You remind yourself, “You’re over him.”

You fold the paper, and set it down with more care than you should’ve given. You close the drawer, and lock it.

You look at your novel, and realise that you’re not really in the mood for romance anymore. You pick it up, and set it back on the shelf.

#yandere oc #yandere male #yandere male x reader #Glenn Alston #angst #x reader #male reader

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127tyong · 6 months

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Moon

Pairing: Renjun X Reader

Genre: Smut, Angst, Professor AU

Warnings: abuse, manipulation, power dynamic

Word Count: 2.2k

“You’re too cold, to the point where I don’t even know if you love me. But isn’t that what makes it fun?”

“That’s… weird. Like, really weird.” Your professor looked at the liquid in the glass vial. “It’s supposed to be purple. Are you sure you did the experiment right?”

You choked on a tear. “Yes, professor. I tried three times.”

Professor Renjun sighed and did the experiment for you. “44.6 mL.”

“Thank you.”You gasped and smiled. Renjun and you were conducting an experiment for his next academic paper. He was the man in between you and your PhD, as he was also assisting you with your thesis.

“You’re going to need to do it again though. You have to be able to do it yourself.” Renjun looked at your outfit. “And you should get a labcoat.”

Your chest peaked out of your tank top, much to Renjun’s amusement. “Professor… I need to take my dinner break though…” It was already 6:50, and you and Renjun were close enough for some friendly banter, and some not so friendly complaining.

“Come take it then.” Renjun smirked.

You got on your knees and unbuckled his belt.

You were also close enough to have sex with him.

“There’s a good girl.” Renjun cooed. He liked it when you took a little bit of control, but it’s not like you really had a choice to begin with. “Let’s hurry this up.”

You pulled down your panties under your skirt, and Renjun suddenly grabbed your waist without warning. But it’s not really all that surprising, he does this all the time…

Ramming his length into you, you bit your lip to hide your moans. He never started with foreplay, yet you were wet enough to take all 8 inches of him. It’s like your body knows what he wants before you can even process it. He purposefully started getting rougher, pulling your waist in. He tried to make you moan, biting on your ear. He never thinks about how you feel, and you felt stupid for even thinking you could go to dinner without fucking him first.

“Fuck, baby girl…” His groans were as loud as he wanted them to be. “Pussy as tight as the day I met you.”

He was always like this. Too much. He thought he owned you, yet he seemingly did… Sex whenever he wanted, wherever.

“Renjun…” You gasped.

“I love you baby.” Renjun grabbed at your neck, choking you. And those were the words that made you keep coming back for more.

“I love you too, Renjun.” He always came inside you when you told him that.

His hot cum was enough to make your brain dizzy. It filled you up.

Renjun pulled out and put his pants back on. “What do you want for dinner? My treat.”

On the day you met Renjun, you were in your 4th year of your bachelors program, about to graduate. He was your first class of the new semester. You always thought he was cute, even with his lab coat and glasses on. You were in a class with only 2 other people, but you were the only one sitting in the center of the giant lecture hall, the two other students in the back next to the door. The whole class felt like a conversation between you and him, as he only looked at you while teaching.

After class, you approached him and began to speak. “Hi, Renjun. I’m-”

“I already know your name.” Renjun closed the laptop he was teaching from. “Class roster, remember?”

“Oh… Of course. There’s only two other people in this class, it would be stupid if you didn’t know.”

“No. They’re auditing this class. Grad students who want to work for me.” He sighed. “It’s just me and you.”

“Why have a class with only one person?” Knowing your college, you even doubted the fact they would fund this. “Well, you’re the one here at 7 a.m., you tell me.” Renjun smiled. “I only teach people who are passionate. So all my classes are at 7 or 8.” You wanted to roll your eyes but stopped yourself. “I see.” “Have you had breakfast yet?”

And that’s how you ended up at his apartment.

“So, ring before spring?” He set a plate in front of you.

“Excuse me?” You sat at the island, watching him prepare a plate.

“You know, your boyfriend. The ring before spring deal? Or are you not engaged yet?” Renjun sat next to you and began eating.

You sighed. “No ring. No boyfriend. No male friends for that matter, anyways.”

“Sorry.” Renjun mumbled, clearly not knowing how to respond.

“Don’t be.” You took a bite. “Oh, this is good.”

“Isn’t it?” He smiled at you. “My special recipe.”

You nodded and you both finished breakfast without speaking again.

Renjun washed the plates as you walked around his apartment, taking in everything. The awards on the walls, piled up in bookcases and on the coffee tables. One stood out to you: A Nobel Prize in Chemistry.

“That’s from a few years ago.” Renjun said from across the apartment.

“I was in middle school when you won it.” You laughed, setting it back on its shelf.

Renjun appeared behind you. “Well, I just think it means you’re able to change someone’s life. Isn’t that all those prizes care about anyways? How many lives you can change, how many people you helped?” He sat on the couch.

“But, Renjun, that’s amazing. You’re an inspiration to people, to me, even. I wanna be you one day.”

“I don’t want to be myself.”

You ran up to Renjun and hugged him. “Oh, don’t say that.” You were sitting next to him, arms around his neck and leg on his lap.

“I’ll change your life.” Renjun hugged you back. “I’ll do everything for you.” “Hmm.” You hummed. “Come back tonight.”

“What? Why?” “I wanna show you something.” He pulled away, so you stood up. You both left his apartment, heading to your next classes.

And as promised, you came back at 6.

He let you in. “Are you ready?”

You nodded.

He led you to his bedroom.

“Wait, Renjun, I-” “You’ll graduate with honors. I’ll make sure you get your PhD. Everything will be easy for you from now on.”

And so you kissed him.

He pushed you onto the bed, never breaking your kiss, your arms around his neck. “You’re beautiful.” “Do you want to…” You whispered at him, knowing very well what Renjun wanted.

“Let’s take it slow.” Renjun weakly kissed you again, his hands exploring the underneath of your shirt, and yours taking off his pants.

“Renjun… I don’t want to take it slow.” You whined for Renjun’s dick. The truth was, you haven’t had dick in years and you missed it.

“I’m not the type to take things slow anyways.” His fingers found your panties and pulled them off, while yours began unbuttoning his shirt. “Do you want me to use a condom?”

You shook your head no. You wanted to feel him inside you.

“Good. I didn’t want to.” Renjun quickly found your clit and rubbed circles into it, causing you to loudly moan.

“Fuck, Renjun…” You dug your nails into his back. “Feels so fucking good.”

His fingers slid inside you. “You’re so tight, baby. Think you can handle my dick?” He unzipped his pants to reveal 8 inches.

“You can just force it inside me…” You told him, knowing it would hurt.

All the right answers, Renjun thought. You would be the perfect girl for him. “Then I'll slide it in, okay?”

You nodded and looked into his eyes as he aligned his dick with your hole. Pushing it in slowly at first, then finally forcing it in.

“Wait, give me a second…” You moaned out, his dick splitting you apart.

“Sorry, but I can’t wait.” Renjun's breathing became labored as he wrapped his arms under your thighs and began to fuck you.

You mentally dissociated, the experience proving to be too much. The only thing you could hear was Renjun’s heavy breathing and the slapping of your skin against his, only able to feel his dick inside you and the warmth of him inside you. The thing that brought you back was the feeling of his cock throbbing inside you, followed by his cum rushing into your womb.

“Wait, what the fuck?” You sat up, leading to his cum leaking out of you. “Why didn’t you ask before cumming inside?” “You looked too pretty, I didn’t want to.” Renjun grabbed a towel out of his dresser and tossed it at you, then walked into the kitchen and grabbed his wallet. “How much do you need? I’ll just give you $300, is that fine?”

The collar around your neck was enough to isolate you from the rest of your classmates, even though there you had to collaborate with the other students on assignments. Your life was just wake up, Renjun, class, Renjun, food, Renjun, home. The same monotonous tasks everyday, but Renjun kept things interesting. At least, that’s what you believed.

You played with the O ring on your collar while you sat in class.

“Forever.” Renjun told you when he put it on you after your first hook up with him. “It means you’re mine forever.”

“Do you mean that? That whole forever thing?” You looked in his eyes as he locked it.

He smiled up at you. “Of course I do. I’ll be with you until the day you die.” “What makes you think I’m dying before you?” You touched the metal. “Isn’t the saying ‘I'll love you ‘till the day I die?’ Or…”

Renjun put the key on a chain and hooked it around his neck, key touching his chest. “Must’ve been a slip of the tongue. I’ll be with you until the day we die.”

“Professor Huang is calling for you.” A random grad student you never bothered to get to know tapped your shoulder, causing you to flinch. “Oh…” You grabbed your stuff. “Thanks.”

You scurried to the Chemistry lab, where Renjun was holding a vial full of amber liquid.

“The person I wanted to see! Drink this.” His tone bothered you, going from energetic to dead in a split second.

Either way, you did as he asked. You started to profusely sweat, gagging on the fiery liquid. It tasted like ghost pepper, if it got liquified and mixed with a healthy dose of cinnamon. You tried to gag and throw up, but that seemingly only made things worse.

“Here, try this one.” Renjun handed you another mystery vial, that of which you downed, hoping it would relieve the pain.

Nope. Worse. You collapsed to the ground in some of the worst pain you have ever felt, unable to make a noise.

“That’s more like it.” Renjun smirked.

“I’ll kill him!” Renjun screamed in your face. “Do you fucking hear me, I’ll slit his throat right now!” All the student did was give you a hug because you helped him pass his class.

“Babe, please!” You sobbed, begging on your knees, hands trying to grab at him, the carpeted floors of the small studio apartment you two share digging into you, burning the skin off your knees.

“How dare he touch you! And in front of me, nonetheless! Everyone knows I love you!” Renjun paced around, locating an award on the bookshelf and throwing it at you, the glass luckily bouncing off the carpet without shattering. But you realized it’s not the broken glass you should be scared of, it’s the weight. Each of those prestigious chemistry awards easily weighs 7 lbs, enough weight to kill you. And he just picked up another.

You sprung up onto your feet, grabbing Renjun’s hands. “I won’t ever speak to someone ever again, I promise! I promise I’ll be good, I’ll be loyal to you, only you, baby please stop, please…” You cried into his chest, causing Renjun to drop the glass on the carpet.

“Shh… It’s okay baby. I’m here, you’re okay…”

And it all went away. It’s over.

That night, Renjun made dinner, and after you went to sleep, you didn’t wake up for two weeks. When you woke up, you were laying in a bed, soaked with cum.

You showered, crying and wondering what happened to you. But you never asked. And he never answered.

The pain went away after around 20 minutes, but only subsided enough for you to talk. “I’m tired.” You sighed.

“No, I am.” Renjun leaned onto the lab table. “You need to know your place and not let other men take you from me.” “He put his hand on my shoulder! What the fuck do you want me to do?” Renjun rubbed his face. “I’ll kill him. Make him get expelled. Tell everyone that he raped you.”

“No. No, I’m done, Renjun. I already got my bachelors, I wasn’t even planning on getting my PhD, it was you who told me to, Renjun. So I’m done. I’m dropping out.” You laughed weakly.

“Where will you live? Who will feed you?” Renjun smirked, as if he planned this all out. “You have nothing without me. But if you want to, then leave.”

Your silence told him everything.

“Of course not. So bend over and be a good girl like you’ve always been.”

#nct smut #nct x reader #nct fanfic #nct dream smut #'00 smut #renjun smut

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iamdizzy · 17 days

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📅 06/06/24

Last few days have been very busy. However, I was able to accomplish a lot. It's so weird to be in such control over my life as I, at least in the past, have never had such productive weeks.

📋 Things I've completed:

my running streak is still going! 🎉 the 5:30 am grind is real. love how it became a routine that's almost second nature for me.

more ancient greek 🏛️. at times I feel quite slow, but I do make progress (which I am tracking). I guess it's just part of the process to be patient, even though I'd love to be fluent at the end of the year - which is impossible I suppose

i also kept reading literature for my upcoming bachelor thesis next term. it feels good to already be working on it, even if it's "just" reading all the material for it

i also found topics for my upcoming assignments. guess that will be something I have to work on, beginning now, to at least have some leisure time after the term is over.

Even though I am very proud of myself (and yes, I need to tell me that more often) I still want more. What exactly that more is? Well I'd love to learn to play the piano, even if it's just for 15/30mins in the evening. Idk, I'm quite hesitant to add another thing onto my list of daily tasks, as I have the fear that, at some point, it will become too overwhelming for me to get through them.

#studyblr #study blog #studying #student life #study motivation #study inspo #study aesthetic #study inspiration

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bigtreefest · 1 month

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Hi Essie!

I was just reading your post on your application and this is just a thought -- you don't have to respond at all if you don't like this idea!! this idea is purely my CPH4 brain talking I swear I have nothing to do with this lol

So, a young man (okay maybe not so young he was born four years ahead of you according to his page in the uni website ) with some very serious frowning becomes your thesis supervisor at the end of the term. He taught one lesson that you attended and you didn't know him very well besides his name. He rarely speaks, always listening to your presentation/answer, and very occasionally asking "do you have any questions for me?"

Nevertheless, you have impressive GPA and at the end of that term, you decided to apply for a PhD. You already have two letters of recommendation, one from a professor that you have known for two years during your Master's, one from a professor that supervised your Bachelor thesis and teaching a few courses that you attended.

But this damn Graduate School that you want to get in requires THREE. THREE FUCKING RECOMMENDATION LETTERS. And it specifically requires the letter from your dissertation supervisors.

You ask, not with much hope, your current supervisor, the lecturer with a very serious frowning look on his face, whether he could provide you a letter of recommendation.

To which he responded, texting back in a matter of seconds.

-Ofc. When do you need it? Send your transcripts btw.

NOW, the question is: Is he

----I just thought it'd be hilarious if he's very serious during class and meetings while he's basically any 20-somethings when texting you and discussing things that he shouldn't be sharing with you (like the content of your recommendation letter, or the fact that three recommendation letters is absolutely worthless even though he's providing one for you, or that because another professor is cranky and possibly stealing work from their students, you def shouldn't be choosing him as your doctor supervisor)

Oh I absolutely adore this ask! Thank you so much for sending this in, I unfortunately know the hierarchy of academia too well which is why I honestly think I would be rolling my eyes at these standards, too. I took the prompt and ran with it. 😂

I wanna talk about the other two options before I get to my choice. All below the cut bc it’s long.

Let’s discuss Ari:

Throughout Ari’s undergrad degree, he played football and was greatly interested in world policies, so everyone thought once his sports career and degree was over, he’d be ready to get out there. Nope. He really wasn’t sure where to start, so instead, he decided to keep going with schooling.

His grades were just good enough for him to get into the program you were applying to now. Varsity athletics looked great on the application and his charm was the extra boost. Now that he’s in it though, it’s been almost seven years instead of the usual four to five. Part of it is him going in without much of a plan, wanting to try every avenue, while the other is him just not caring enough to push further and just finish the degree. He’s getting paid just enough to get by and no one has threatened to kick him out, so he enjoys the coasting and the free time it gives for him to look into his actual passions.

Part of the PhD program is all of the grad students sitting in a room grading exams of undergrads every few weeks, and during this, Ari really shows his personality. They have to sit there for hours on end, and it can get boring, so Ari will tell stories to the kid next to him to pass the time, except the room is so quiet that everyone hears. These will range from the various dates with odd girls, to that time he saw a video of someone cooking salmon in the dishwasher, so he tried it out. “It was pretty decent. I swear it’s Kosher! I would do it again if it didn’t take so long.”

Any time he gets trusted to teach, which is rare since his advisor doesn’t really want it in order to guarantee the kids are being taught correct content, questions are not answered very well. It’s either with a “hell if I know. Use google. That’s how they do it in the real world.” Or “wait for the professor to get back. This isn’t my expertise.” Both technically valid, but not what a younger student wants to hear from someone in a position of authority.

Star Student Steve:

Steve was born for upper-level studies. He’s been ready to graduate essentially since getting into the program, knowing exactly what he wanted to research right off the bat. He knows all the content well and is well-liked by students and professors alike. The undergrads have a habit of ogling him and crowding his office hours, so you never even bothered to go. Pending his early graduation, he’s already been offered a job at the university with a full federal research grant, which he could use to travel or gain equipment for his projects. He’s probably considering this, unless one of the prime companies/agencies gives him a better offer. He can’t wait for the opportunity to make new rules and discoveries in the field, just needs to find the best route to get him there. (Talk about a CPH4 brain, haha)

With all of this going on, though, he doesn’t have time for much else. Sure, he’s very kind, but he’s always on the move. Students are not his first priority right now if he wants everything in place to be successful and make history. When it comes to picking an advisor, everyone wants Steve, but after hearing all that, and the standard he might hold you to without giving you the time of day to reach that level, do you really want him?

My wonderful choice Curtis:

(Even before I saw my options, this description was screaming ‘Curtis’ to me.)

He’s definitely the kind of silent student who puts his head down and does his work because it’s difficult stuff. Some may say it’s even more difficult than Steve’s if they knew what Curtis actually did, but he’s so silent and keeps it to himself unless he’s asked. It’s not because he doesn’t want to share, it’s more because when he’s interacting with students, he understands his job is to help them first and foremost. Although Curtis may have been busy, he never rushed and made sure his full attention was on the task or person at hand.

All the Professors know Curtis and really like him for his work ethic and ability to maintain balance and remain a grounded person, except he’s just not a poster boy like Steve. For this reason, his advisor trusts him enough to teach certain classes since Curtis parses out his time well and not only knows the content, but cares about it deeply. At the end of his lectures, though, when he asks for questions, it’s radio silence. Perhaps it’s because he taught the material so well, but even Steve and Ari get the odd question about their research or last Sunday’s football game. Curtis gets disinterested stares until he dismisses everyone. Office hours are pretty quiet, too, until right around exam time when a few students come to him for help since everywhere else was so full. After seeing how helpful he is, yourself included, they keep going back to him, keeping it to themselves, though, keeping him their hidden secret gem.

The lack of recognition Curtis gets is a shame, though, because he’s so nice. Actually, not just nice, but genuinely kind. When you were assigned with him as your advisor, you weren’t really sure what to do. Not many talked about him and the stoic demeanor was a little intimidating, until you actually spoke with each other. He was so sweet and engaged, asking you questions and providing guidance not only on what he thought might work the best, but how to go about it and how to properly convey ideas to the committee panel members at the end. He gave you his phone number, too, in case you needed any help at all, saying he’d pick up anytime.

When you asked him for your letter of recommendation, he was elated. “No one has ever come to me for that before, but ofc. When do you need it? Send your transcripts btw. And your resume.”

Curtis was right, though, he had never had to be the voice of authority vouching on someone’s behalf since up until this point, he was in your exact shoes. “Don’t be nervous to ask questions, but I also don’t want you to think that I’ve got all the answers and you’re not good enough. The only difference between you and me academically is like four classes content-wise. I just have more hands-on experience.” He said it with a soft, reassuring smile that really put you at ease.

He’s aware of the system, and of course he hates it, because he knows what it’s like to be at the bottom. Throughout his time putting together your recommendation, he’s messaging you with updates. “I’m going to add this because they really like to see it specifically highlighted,” or “I’m not even sure what they’re asking here, but it’s fucking stupid if you ask me. Conventions like this are ridiculous. I hate that these decisions are made by people who aren’t even on the ground. If they actually took part in this program, they’d see you’re more than qualified to get into it. But no, for some reason, all important decisions are made by old people so far removed from actual work.”

That second one was in person, though. It wouldn’t look good to have him saying those things in writing. He rolls his eyes before switching back to his reassuring, charming self.

“Anyway, don’t worry. I’ll make sure it’s good.”

And then as he sits down to write, he constantly sends you lines from it. “Does this sound too braggy? Am I hyping up your work too much? I feel like it wouldn’t be fair if I was casual about it, but we’re rocking with a lot of enthusiasm right now and idk where the line is where it’ll seem insincere.😅”

You tend to hang around Curtis a lot while you’re working on finishing up. On small work breaks, he tells you about the weird little things the other PhD students have sent to his email. “I’m what, four years older than you? And so are these other guys, but I swear they act like they’re twelve.” It helps you to laugh at his small little complaints in a time of building stress. He lets you into his life and you see he’s a normal person, just a few years older than you. He’s the whole reason you know about Ari and the dishwasher salmon, and he helps to break down the barriers you feel against everyone in his program that seems to know so much. Half of your conversation is weird everyday things about his life you’re sure no one else has given him the space to talk about. “You texted me while I was watching the hockey game, they were losing anyway so I was grateful to do something else.” He was in the city…at the actual hockey game…drinking a beer and scrolling emails…. Or “my apartment has a no pet policy, but my roommate got a cat, so I hope you don’t mind the little guy joining us today. Just while the landlord does some maintenance so we don’t get kicked out.” He’s half shuffling through the papers on his desk, half giving you an amused smile thinking of the whole situation. Of course, it can’t all be personal, though, so he continues to sprinkle advice in here and there.

“Also, if you wanna keep your sanity around here, keep away from Levinson’s advisor. Not only is he just straight-up a ridiculous man, but he won’t push you if he likes you. And if he hates you, you’ll know it a mile away. That’s why I never chose him for my committee meeting.”

As you prepare to defend your thesis, Curtis is sitting with you in the hallway. He’s been prepping you for this presentation for weeks, but for peace of mind, he asks you potential questions as you wait to be called in. He holds a paper copy of your thesis, saying once again “you’ve got this. Just like the rehearsals. No one knows this stuff better than you. Show them that.” As you stand in front of the small crowd, he gives you a thumbs-up and watches with approving nods as your blow it out of the water.

He gives you a big hug when you pass and an even bigger hug when you stop by the small TA office and visit his desk to tell him about your official spot in the PhD program. “I can’t wait to work together more with you. You’re going to do great things, I know it, and I’m proud to be a part of it.”

#jamneuromain #Ari Levinson #Steve rogers #Curtis Everett #academia #thanks for dropping in #ask Essie #Essie answers

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hoardingpuffin · 6 months

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Over the Garden Wall Fable AU Concepts

Okay, so - when I was across the pond to see my partner, them and I watched Over the Garden Wall. @the-uninformed-zennial had never seen it, and it's so very much their vibe so obviously we had to. And, as we are both Fable nerds, we ended up talking about potential AU ideas. I'd had two possible concepts for AUs floating in my noggin for a while and we fleshed them out together a bit.

Now, between (hopefully) finishing Three Wishes, and the holidays, and that pesky 30+ page bachelor thesis paper, I won't have time to write them as actual fics anytime soon, so I figured I'd at least put out the concepts somewhere, and Tumblr seemed like a good choice.

For anyone unfamilar with Over the Garden Wall: It's a mini series by Patrick McHale that aired on CartoonNetwork a while ago, focussing on two brothers stuck in the mysterious Unknown trying to get home and experiencing wacky halloween-y hijinks on the way. The Unknown is often interpreted to be a sort of afterlife/limbo, and the series has a lot of themes of that direction, but it's still quite charming and cute and funny (as it is made for kids).

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Concept 1 Icarus and Rae are in the place of Greg and Wirt – they got into some sort of fight in the real world and ended up in a situation that made them enter the Unknown as a limbo between living and dying. In this case, the characters from the Unknown would be remaining a lot more like the ones we know from the show, so the Woodsman is just The Woodsman, the Beast is just The Beast, and so on. I’m not sure who’d be in the place of Beatrice, but there are a few possibilities. If we’re going with the popular interpretation that the Unknown is a form of the afterlife, then it could be someone from canon who has passed already (if we wanna be angsty, it could be Haley maybe? I am not sure if I want her to be though), or alternatively Beatrice could just be a random soul who, like in OtGW Canon, is trying to free their own family.

In this AU, the story would probably progress similar to the one in OtGW – Icarus and Rae trying to get home and through the Unknown, getting into more fights along the way, until Icarus ends up losing faith in being able to get home completely. Rae – much like Greg – would offer himself to the Beast in order to get Icarus home, and Icarus in turn would have to step up and be a responsible older brother and save Rae from turning into an Edelwood.

There’s a lot of similarities between Icarus and Wirt, I feel like, though Wirt’s anxious poetic nature seems more alike Rae. But both Icarus and Wirt have this streak of blaming their younger brothers for stuff that those brothers weren’t necessarily responsible for, and lashing out at them, so I can see Icarus in Wirt’s place rather well. Plus, well, Rae, like Greg, going on a whole arc of “maybe this is actually my fault so I’m gonna go with the Beast to try and fix it” seems fitting for him to me.

Concept 2

Now, the other concept I might actually like more by just a little bit – in this, the people lost in the Unknown would likely be Athena and Jamie, who (due to something other in the real world) are finding themselves in the woods, where they meet the Woodsman – who would be Rae. I can just see Rae being someone to devote themselves to being the Lantern Bearer for the Beast, if it meant to keep the soul of a loved one alive (though in this case it wouldn’t be the child, but likely Aax and Caspian) – plus, the Beast has the whole antler aesthetic going on, so that can overlap neatly with the warden in my opinion. Maybe it’s just cause the Woodsman is such a tragic figure already in OtGW canon, but I think it would be a neat spin to see that character lead the ones lost in the Unknown instead of just sending them on their way, to make the idea that he might be the Beast even worse of a betrayal, which I always thought OtGW was a bit light on. I wish they’d have given that betrayal as much weight as Beatrice’s betrayal. And then, once revealed to the Woodsman that the Lantern holds the Beast’s soul, not anyone else’s, the big fight feels in character for Rae to me, too. Rae’s devotion to the ones he loves is immense, and him fighting the monster that deceived him so – especially to also keep two innocent souls safe in the process – would not only be in character, but also give a quite triumphant turn for him in this AU. Plus, he’d get the happy ending he deserves once he actually slays the Beast and returns home to see that his loved ones are actually there and likely have been all along. The unfortunate side to his AU idea is that most of the characters in the Unknown, like Rae, already being dead and likely for a long time. However, Zenni presented an alternative idea, where the inhabitants of the Unknown aren’t always actually the souls of the deceased, but might also be sort of mirror-verse representations of them. I’m not sure how Athena and Jamie would get to the Unknown then, but it would be an interesting concept to explore, and give more detail to the world – plus, give Athena and Jamie both more of a reason to trust the Woodsman and either for the believed betrayal to hit even worse or for them to not believe it because they know Rae so well in the real world.

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Now, obviously, these are just concepts, not nearly as fleshed out as I would make an actual fanfic - and some stuff might be jumbled as I've not actually written it out before and the whole Putting Things In Your Writing Brain Into Actual Writing thing is difficult as fuck.

Anyways. Those are the two ideas I came up with and have been mulling around my noggin. I don't know if I'll write them, gonna be honest, but - they are concepts alright.

#fable smp #fablesmp #over the garden wall #otgw #over the garden wall au #fable smp fanfic

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natreads · 2 months

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Ramblings about uni and the future

I'm trying to make a difficult decision. Since I've spent the last five years trying to break into the publishing industry and mostly failing (I'm freelance but can't get a full time job), I've been thinking very seriously about going back to uni to become a librarian instead. It's not really a career I've ever thought of, or wanted, but the same can be said for publishing. I decided I wanted to go that route when I already had a my bachelors degree. It felt like the "right" path, but I wasn't aware of how difficult it would be. The industry is so closed off, and I'm not very good at putting myself out there, so I've been struggling a lot. Not to mention people keep getting fired left and right so even if I do get in who knows how long that will last. I guess part of deciding to study something else, despite already having a masters degree and over six years of uni studies behind me, is that I feel like I need to essentially give up this dream, which would make the past five years feel like a waste even though I don't necessarily think they are. But I will have to give up the identity I have built around the industry. But I also feel like going another route won't mean I can't one day make it there too. But I also don't want to get another degree just to still be focusing on an industry that's this unattainable. I will have to focus on making it as a librarian instead and the idea of having to properly give up publishing makes me so sad, but I also know it will bring me relief once I actually do it. I need to study something where I will actually find work.

Another issue is that I really really REALLY don't want to study for another three years lmao. I talked to some people and there's a possibility that I COULD skip one semester due to previous studies, but I feel like it will be complicated and also not necessarily set in stone to manipulate the degree like that. I also got the tip to go take a masters instead which is two years, but here are the pros and cons to all of this:

Three year undergrad:

The school I did my BA at, so it's familiar

Since it's undergrad I'm not worried I will fail

Close to home (even if I move)

Unfortunately it's three years

It feels "silly" to get another BA when I could get an MA immediately instead

Two year masters program:

It's only two years

It will probably be hard

Could be done online, but I don't know if I have it in me to sit at home for two years again

It's in another city, but only takes an hour by train to get there

Unfortunately the train (pendeln) SUCKS and is super unreliable

And I would have to pay a bunch each time

But I like the idea of experiencing something new, since I both like the city (it's a college town) and don't think one hour is that bad

Another problem is that we'll be doing lots of group work so I might have to be there a lot which will be annoying

If I knew just HOW often I'd have to go I feel like it would be easier

I'm gonna be moving soonish to an apartment in the city here in Stockholm so I don't wanna move to Uppsala and do student housing, but my lease will only be one year so maybe I COULD during second year. I've never expeirenced student life like that before

Do I really wanna write another fucking masters thesis omg

I like the sound of two master degrees tho lmao

One semester will be dedicated to writing my thesis so I will mostly only have to commute for 1.5 years I guess, which makes the student housing in year two maybe unnessecary? But my lease will be up anyway soooo. In an ideal world I would be doing student housing my first year and then move into the other apartment after, but I can't do that and I don't wanna give up on a great opportunity

We'll be visiting libraries and whatnot and if it's in Uppsala (I kinda assume it is) I will have to figure out the public transit looool

Essentially, I think the undergrad one is safe but longer, while the MA is shorter but scarier. If I do the MA online I will be more comfortable, but also probably lowkey go crazy. Maybe if I knew if and how much I would be working at the bookstore after the summer I would pick the online version, since work would get me out of the house, but none of us know how needed I will be.

I know I need to change lanes, since I'm getting older and I need stability. Working in a library is the next best thing I can see myself doing after publishing (I kinda wanted to do marketing but I've realized it unfortunately goes against a lot of my morals and libraries are ethically the one and only place I stand 100% behind).

Idk if anyone has any insight or advice please lmk I'm so torn

#nat talks #work stuff #uni stuff #long post

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why-the-heck-not · 7 months

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09.12.23, saturday

realized waaay too late that the bachelor’s thesis sign up isn’t just a ”click some buttons”-thing, instead u gotta fill out topics u’d be interested in. So I’ve given myself a nice long time of 3 days to decide before the deadline 😌 bc

I’m

dumb !! :)

So spent a good amount panicking & cursing all my life choices bc obv u gotta (i’ve given this 0 thought before this very day (even though I should’ve I’m aware) so like not the ideal situation to put urself in)

Then spent a good amount desperately looking through things and I think I have some sort of vision now (something to do with cyber investigation/cybercrimes (i think,, maybe.. still got a couple days), not too sure exactly what, but a faint idea would be enough for now. It also would make sense; always been interested in criminology (and shit like that) which I also minored in so that’d tie that up nicely)

Nothing else bc made the grave mistake of ”just gonna read a little this morning” and suddenly realizing it’s 2pm and I’ve read like 100pages and done nothing else the whole day

#it could help also bc been thinking abt going that way on the career path and this would be a good chance to see if I REALLY like it #or if I’m just accidentally basing my entire personality on Criminal Minds the tv show again #like if I get bored & done with it in 6 months then I could be for sure that it’s not the thing for me and won’t go chasing something I onl #like the idea of (big fear bc how would u ever actually know what any career is _actually_ like until u try and then u could realize u’ve #wasted years on just the idea of something)#i’m so glad tho I didn’t open this on the day-of #like at least there’s some days #i’m gonna think abt this for a bit more today & write a rough draft of what I’ll write on the form #and sleep on it & think abt it a bit more tmrw #and on monday I’ll send it in #i think that’s a long enough of a thing to make sure I’m just not grasping at the first idea I had just out of desperation #today #december 2023 #2023

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merlotmadchen · 4 months

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wednesday 06.03 // 07:54pm

Had a change of plans today, I was expecting a package so I decided to stay home! It is a package I’ve been waiting for, for a long time! It is from back home and it is my new mac and some workout tights I forgot during Christmas break. However, it was delivered to a postal office so I have to do that tomorrow… I did have a good day though, quite a productive day and my workout today was splendid!!

🪞today’s small wins

really pushed myself during my workout! ☁️👟

10k steps with a 17 day streak 🎧🧘🏽‍♀️

made flashcard for two of my classes 📖🖋️🦢

worked on my bachelor thesis 🍵🐚💫

drank lots of water! 🫧🥥

folded and put away clothes 🧦🤍

🪞self-care

no makeup ! giving my skin a break 🧖🏽‍♀️🪞

went for a walk 🧘🏽‍♀️👟🎧

worked out 🥥🍵

ate accordingly to my diet ☕️🥯

listened to music 🎧🤍🫧

practiced gratitude and journaled 🖋️🦢☁️

song of the day ☁️🎧🪞

#self care #spotify #digital diary #it girl #progress #self improvement #self love #motivation #university #dream life

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scarefox · 9 months

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The fact that I wrote my bachelors thesis about Jongwoo and how Moonjo broke him, how Jongwoos mental health spiraled through the plot and how the creators chose to show it to the audience via audio-visual storytelling (<3) which ENDED WITH ME getting broken down by the dramas complexity, it's many meta levels and Jongwoo my beloved unreliable narrator shenanigans nobody can decipher. In hindsight it was the worst drama to analyze while I was already burnt out, anxious and depressed af during a global pandemic, but simultaneously it also was the best drama for that theme because it indeed is one of the best displays and metaphors of mental illnesses.

Already at the time I was aware of the self irony, still had a lot of fun with picking everything apart. It is now one of my comfort shows lol... even though the thesis phase was horrible and didn't end well. My profs said I had some good points and methods. But in the end I couldn't finish uni so I never presented the work and never got their full feedback. (grade was mediokre bad imo because I couldn't finish spell checks and formalities at the end which is one of the most important parts of a scientific final paper unfortunately.... and my profs were salty that I used easier to access online sources more than old outdated books but hey I kind of mainly wrote that thing for myself not for the public 🤷‍♂️ ....)

Anyways, one thing I wanted to share from my analysis: I counted the times and situations Moonjo uses "Jagiya", generally as an indicator for when he directly manipulates Jongwoo, vs how Jongwoos behavior and mental health changes over time.

Just to understand the significance of "Jagiya": Moonjo uses it kind of as trigger word but also to get this emotional trust bond with Jongwoo (despite Jongwoo says he hates it, he still feels flattered at first). He always uses it when he wants Jongwoo to do something or to think a certain way. He almost just uses it when they are alone. When Jongwoos boss and girlfriend are present in the bar scene, it's even the first time Moonjo calls Jongwoo by his actual name. With Mrs. Eom they call him (room) 303

(do not reupload or use without my permission!)

Well, and based on that I looked into how these scenes were shot and differentiating from each other. Like camera work, frames, colors, effects, sound, hard cut / soft cuts, transitions etc. IT WAS A LOT, way too much I didn't anticipate going into it. I only watched it once then, to keep the impression fresh, which is adviced for movie analysis of 'scene impressions' to not delude it by your own thoughts and knowledge. BUT THE THING IS... Strangers From Hell changes a lot when you watch it again!!! You find so much more details all of a sudden, when you know how it ends.

#strangers from hell #the irony of it all will always be a special connection for me with that drama lol #I literally have so many notes and scene descriptions for every episode in form of excel spreadsheets #my profs before the thesis phase: if you think about analyzing your fav movies for this think again you might hate it afterwards #me: *get's more obsessed instead*

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lilolilyr · 7 months

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20 questions for fic writers

Thanks so much for tagging me, @purlturtle :) you have 1/8 of the amount of fics I have but a higher wordcount, do you write super long fics or do I write super short ones? xD I think the answer is Yes To Both! :D

1. How many works do you have on ao3?

574 when counting the normal ones as well as both the ones posted for ao3 users only, and the ones posted on anon! (If you also have anon works and want to know your total, you can get to the view in the screenshot when you have or are part of a collection and click on ‘people’ of the collection)

2. What’s your total Ao3 word count?

1,346,577

largely due to the craziness that was 2021 when I was supposed to write my bachelor thesis and instead(I did manage to write my thesis) also wrote over half a million words in fanfic.

And I’m almost at my goal of 100k for the year! Which I didn’t think I’d reach, but flufftober helped a lot there :D

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Too many xD

atm I’m actively writing for Warehouse 13, Holby City, Star Trek, Lie to Me and Hacks

Some other fandoms I’m still in and will probably write more fics for are Good Omens, Gunpowder Milkshake, The Old Guard and Lord of the Rings

You can find my whole fandom list on Ao3, 70 fandoms if I counted correctly!

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

All three parts of the Inkubus Jaskier series (The Witcher, rated M-E) have 600-1000 kudos, I do like these fics but I think the fandom is also just very large.

As it Should be, a 00Q meets Q is a Holmes (James Bond + BBC Sherlock) fanfic, and probably my fav fanfic I’ve written that deserves the ‘humor’ tag, has 617 kudos

Spooky Eyes, the one and only Venom fanfic I’ve written (I have not watched the movie and I haven’t even spent thaat much time in the fandom either) has 588 kudos, and has been my most kudosed fic with over 500 kudos for quite a while before the others overtook it

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I usually do, yes! I love getting comments and want to encourage people to comment by replying to them, and also lovely conversations can happen in the comment sections, as well as mini ficlets of their own! So yes I do want to reply :)

If I don’t, it’s probably just that I didn’t yet, either because I didn’t find the time or because while I did reply to other comments I’m waiting to reply to some because I want to wait until I have the next update in the fic/series/fandom so I can let the commenters know in my reply that there’s more

Or if a comment is really long and detailed and I want to reply in the same detail but don’t currently have the energy for it, or there’s sth complicated in the comment I want to address, I might not answer it yet even though I’ve replied to other comments since

Also sometimes a comment is just really neat and I want to keep looking at it in my Unreads :D

But I do plan to answer all comments eventually:) (unless I ever get so swamped in them that I can’t, but I’ve by no means reached that level of comment spam - I have gotten 2686 comments total, 298 unread, of the unreads probably a hundred are real old ones that are left unread for one reason or other, then probably another hundred I want to reply to if/when I post more, and the rest I’m just gonna reply Eventually xD I’ll have you know that I did reply to most flufftober ones more or less immediately while the event was still going and I even went through some of the backlog while I was at it!)

The only times I don’t answer a comment is when I don’t know whether the commenter meant to be rude (if I know they’re being rude on purpose I just delete, not counting those here) and/or I genuinely don’t know how to reply, if it’s a co-authored work and someone else already replied and I have nothing to add, or if it’s a reply to a reply to a comment and the conversation has petered out

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I think I’ve got a post-canon TOG ficlet with Romeo and Juliet vibes where everybody dies in the end?

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I live for happy endings, no idea what counts as ‘happiest’, all my shippy little getting together and/or everybody lived nobody died fix-its are pretty darn happy imo :D

8. Do you get hate on fic?

Not usually, there have been some that I know I immediately deleted and now can’t remember anymore bc I was clever and immediately deleted lmao, but idk whether anything was ever bad enough to be called hate… and I never had to restrict comments on any fic before

9. Do you write smut?

Oh hell yeah! :D

Though, and I’m always surprised by this, I’ve only got 71 (out of the 574) E rated fics! And 56 M that might have a smut scene or some violence idk, and the 81 not rated ones are more often left that way for violence or angst reasons than for smut… so yeah, main chunks are G & T rated with 198 and 168 fics respectively!

Still, I definitely do write smut, and there’s some quite good erotica there if I may say so!

10. Do you write crossovers?

Rarely, I think most of what shows in the ‘crossover’ tab is just fic I tagged with more of basically the same fandom (Star Trek, Star Trek: Discovery, etc), and the rest is probably AUs set in another fandom’s world without character crossovers

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I’m aware of!

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yeah :D most notably the chaotic Mirandy smutfic ‘Surrendering to Andrea’ with 5 authors: @athousandforests @guardianrock @scarlet-heels @stupidsexycopshows, and most recently the latest fic on my Ao3 actually, Bering and Wells ‘Drunken Considerations’ with @lavendelhummel!

I also made different sorts of collabs with Podfic and arts etc for events and just for fun with @thewalkingmeepa (DWP) @bookgirlfan (Star Trek) @artax-risen (Dracula) @badasspantiestalker (Star Trek) @cinnamonplums (TOG) @jackwolfskid (TOG) sorry if I forgot anyone!

14. What’s your all-time favourite ship?

Don’t make me choose!!!!!

Like literally I can’t! And I don’t even know how to define favorite - 1 the one I enjoy to write for most, 2 the one I like to read most, 3 the one I’m fangirling most about, 4 the one that wrecks me most with feels, 5 the ones I can always return to… those are different ships! Also because my favs are not necessarily the biggest fandoms, so I might not be able to spend so much fandom time on them bc I read all the fics ages ago already lmao

In order of above categories: 1 Milippa Prime, 2 Mirandy and Berena, 3 Bering and Wells, 4 again Milippa and Bering and Wells and also Floreleine(&Librarywives&Killercule) and Andromaquynh(& also the ot3) and Jadzia x Lenara, 5 Bering and Wells and ClintCoulson and J7

By sheer ‘has been mentioned most often in this list’ I suppose the crown goes to Bering and Wells!

But I really just love them all. And others too.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but probably won’t?

The Ocean’s 8 series ‘A Heistwives Kinda Job’ I started in 2018 and kinda lost track of. I think the parts stand well on their own though so it’s not sooo bad but I’m still a bit sad that that never got finished and now probably never will because I just don’t know where I was going with it anymore & also don’t remember the details from the first parts well enough to continue it anyway

16. What are your writing strengths?

I can write pretty quickly and when I’ve got an idea I can just write it down in one go!

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

If it’s too long to be written down in one go or I don’t have the time I will forget about it

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

There are different ways to deal with this and my preference Depends - if the characters and therefore the reader don’t need to know what it says, or it’s even relevant that they don’t understand, I’d leave the foreign language in as is, maybe have a chapter end note with what it says, same if what’s said is already explained by the reactions of the characters or something

If it’s one or two languages that are frequently used in the fic and with relevant info, I’d have a note at the beginning of the chapter saying which one’s cursive and which one’s bold and then type everything in English. If the character is abroad or sth and all the dialogue is for example French I’d just mention the fact that it’s French in the note or have it mentioned in the fic that they’re speaking French the first time it happens, but then proceed as usual without even making it cursive or anything

For anything in-between, like relevant info mentioned in foreign language once or a few times, I’d write the foreign language in fic and link down to an end note with the translation and a ^ link back to text. I don’t like having original and translation in-text side by side because imo it just reads in an annoying way, and it’s especially annoying if the reader knows both languages.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

According to Ao3, it’s The Hobbit. According to old sheets of paper somewhere in my childhood bedroom, it’s probably self-insert Hanni & Nanni (St Clare’s) ficlets xD I think I called my SIOC ‘Lilo Liliana’ to be fancy and that’s the origin story for my username! Adsfghjkl I hadn’t thought about that in ages.

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

That would still have to be Andromaquynh In Your Stead.

Now closely followed by my Milippa road-trip AU and my Star Trek University AU (that I’m still writing more one-shots for) though!

And you can find all my author’s favs in the tag on Ao3!

Tagging, only if you want to do it of course, everyone I’ve already tagged above as well as @die-schwanenkoenigin, @squishmittenficfan, @xvnot15, @viharistenno, @wellsbering, @lesbianlotties, @batnbreakfast, @danisnotmyname, @charlottepriestly, @onaperduamedee, @lonely-night, @sapphicscholar, @73chn1c0l0rr3v3l lavendelhummel and everyone else who sees this :)

Blanks to copy:

1. How many works do you have on ao3? 2. What’s your total ao3 word count? 3. What fandoms do you write for? 4. What are your top five fics by kudos? 5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not? 6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? 7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? 8. Do you get hate on fic? 9. Do you write smut? 10. Do you write crossovers? 11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? 12. Have you ever had a fic translated? 13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? 14. What’s your all-time favourite ship? 15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but probably won’t? 16. What are your writing strengths? 17. What are your writing weaknesses? 18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? 19. First fandom you wrote for? 20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

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